#honestly good for them they made me feel better bout myself

[cringefailroboguy]

Okay narc abuse this narc abuse that

How bout y'all share your favorite ways to cope with a crash

Here are some of mine

1. I join close knit communities involving my interest/s and am active in them frequently. After a while, the people start recognizing me and when I share something I'm proud of (even if I made it pre-crash) some people will notice and comment on it, which boosts my confidence a little! My art means a lot to me and I tie most of my self worth on it, so people complimenting my art by extension compliment me too. You don't have to be an artist for this, just doing anything you're good at and you love and having people notice this might help you feel a bit better

2. When I'm having a somewhat minor crash (or right after a major crash when I've ridden it out and am feeling a bit better) I go on sprees where I do good stuff for people, I give money to the homeless, I buy gifts for my family members, I compliment a stranger etc, people usually notice this and thank me for it which also helps me feel a bit better about myself (note - I do these things one and off without crashes, but I usually binge-do-good when I'm feeling especially low hahaha) (dunno how much this one works about actually upping your ego, but I personally tie worth as a concept to being a good person, so actively and provably being a good person immediately helps me with perceiving my worth as a human being)

3. Tumblr drafts 😭😭😭😭😭 I've noticed that journaling and venting in my notes doesn't help because nobody sees it and the lack of attention makes me get even worse, and venting to people drives them away from me and makes me uncomfortable so I've avoided venting and I bottle up my emotions a lot which usually actually drives me into a crash in the first place. So I started writing and formatting my vents as actual tumblr posts that I'm totally planning to post, and I tag them and everything, but then I save them as drafts. This way, for some reason, my brain sees this as "yes. You will now post about what's bothering you and many people will see this and like and reblog this!!! You'll be so noticed and cool and get so much attention!!!" Which makes me feel better in the moment, except as I get better I forget about the drafted post so I also simultaneously save my privacy while I'm at it looollll

I mean arguably, all of these are for some mild-er crashes and usually for some bigger ones I don't really have a coping mechanism so I just lie in my bed, shake and feel cold for weeks until I finally get the energy to get up, but honestly even if I can make it a little bit easier for me, I will

Anyway feel free to share your favorite coping methods too!

[weirdmai]

doodles from today <3 (comfort doodles cough cough)

okay so uh, if you don't mind, I'll write out some stuff under the cut (something short, you can skip it, it's okay. It's just something I've been feeling lately and, I dunno, I felt like talking 'bout it lol)

Well, so, I started high school/preparatory school and, wow, it is kinda stressful honestly. Overall because I want to get good grades and I'm worried of not getting the future I want

And if I'm honest with you, as silly as it may sound, mp100 has helped me get through it; just like last year in 9th grade, and in general. This silly show has helped me through so much, and made me want to become a better person, give my effort in everything, and I can't thank it enough

All characters are so lovely and comforting, and the story itself is as well. Ahh, I can't really express how thankful I am that mp100 exists and people capable of sharing such warming stories are too

And, of course, I'm also really thankful to the people in my life. I'm so glad to have them and to know that I can count on them whenever I'm feeling down, they're my motivation to keep going as well

As I may have been feeling so much stressful and negative feelings in general lately, at the same time I've also thought about so many things and people that make me happy and feel warm and thankful to be alive.

Life, there's only one, and, as much as we want to succeed and accomplish certain things, we also have to take care of ourselves and remind us to enjoy the moment and the mere fact that, we're alive; we're breathing; we're in this beautiful planet with beautiful people in it too. Your existence alone has caused such a beautiful impact as well in other people's lives, and I think that the thing that counts the most is that, you're still alive, and that's amazing by itself

It's so hard to keep going and yet, there you are. Here we are all

I'm grateful to be here, to have the friends that I have, to be the person I am today, being capable of creating art that makes me happy and can make other people happy too. I'm so, so glad

If you went all the way down here, I hope some words I said made you feel slightly better in case you were feeling down (it is also a reminder to myself lol)

And, remember, it will all be okay. Even if it doesnt look like it, everything has a solution, and it will turn out well

Keep taking care of yourself and give your best in everything!! All efforts count!!

Remember; you're loved, you're appreciated, and I'm sure the people close to you feel proud of you

Have a good day everyone. Live your life as you want because, well, your life is your own, right?

(mai out)

[i-luv-carl-grimes]

Hii everyone! Okay so there's this fanfic I've been writing on Wattpad that hasn't been getting any attention and I literally have been working my ass off on it soooo I'm gonna post it here too!! I hope you enjoy!!! ************************

𝔅𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰

Ep1 s1

(Carl X oc)

Warning: abuse, language and lots of valance as well as gore if you are younger then 14 please don't read

*******************************

Even before this shit went down my life still wasn't something to be proud of

"Rayne, care to explain?" my mom asked holding up a test I got a 83% on. "My math test?" I answered and she laid a strong slap across my cheek. "Don't get smart with me!" she said as I felt stinging in my right cheek.  "Now, try again. Care. To. Explain?" she asked.  "An 83 is still a A" I tried to explain but once again I was met with another strong slap

Don't cry dont cry dont cry

"Your grounded" she said then pointed to the stairs, something warm run down my temple.  Opening the door to the bathroom only to be disappointed as my eyebrow had a cut and was now bleeding. 

"Did you give yourself that cut? Just got some attention" my sister scuffed as I grabbed a wash cloth and held it under warm water.  "Hello?" she said but once again I gave no reply.  "Your pathetic honesty" added then walked to her room.  "I know" I mumbled as I put a bandage on the cut.

I was waking to my room when I heard a door open and close followed by something being set down.  I made my way downstairs to see my dad who had just gotten back from a hunting trip the thing he sat down being his rifle and revolver.  "Can you BELIEVE this, she practically failed!" my mom yelled holding up my 'failed' test.  "Hi Rayne" my father said and got up walking past my mom and over to me.  "What happened to you face?" he said referring to my now bruised cheek and cut eyebrow.  "I fell." I said already knowing better then to tell the truth.  "How bout the test huh? You know I can't let that slide also your mom said you were bad mouthing her and your sister, you know that's not okay" he said and I just nodded knowing nothing he said was true.  "No leaving the house at all and if I even see you look at the tv or play any video games so help me" he said this time more stern. 

I didnt hate my family but sometimes it's hard to keep myself from letting out all the stuff I have been forced to keep in.

"ok" I said.  "What's the use? She's just gonna have her face shoved in a book" my sister said kicking me in the leg I looked up to see if my father had noticed but he was already gone.  "You can't even defend yourself, honestly could you be any more useless" she added but I just once again stayed quiet.

Rule number one: always stay quite

I had 5 rules in place if I broke them, god knows how many marks would be on me if I didn't keep my mouth shut.

No.1: always stay quite (what's the point of talking when no one is listening to you)

No.2: never cry. ("Your so weak all you do is cry")

No.3: A (if I can't get good grades then I'm a disgrace, a failed, a mistake)

No.4: I don't need anyone (relying on other people means your weak)

No.5: take it.  ("You deserve this. You deserve to bleed")

I live with these 5 rules also on my mind if I break one...well...i don't know, I guess I never have, but I know I don't want to know what'll happen if I will. 

"There were a lot of people out this season" my father said.  "Really? I thought that not many people go out over there" my mom asked.  "Yeah I did to, and the weirdest thing about it was that they weren't even wearing hunting gear they were dressed in normal everyday clothes, and get this there werent even any buck" he complained.

People dressed in normal clothes on a hunting trip? Something about that doesn't feel right, as I thought something outside caught my eye.  I walked over to the window to see people, groups of them walking all sluggish almost tripping over there own feet, some of them...were covered with

Blood

Others had very severe injuries, like missing arm you could s-

I felt something rise in my throat looking at one of the people, a little girl with a large intestine spilling out of her I covered my mouth with my hand and ran up stairs getting the attention of my family.

The image crossed my mind once again this time I wasn't able to keep in what I was trying to avoid I ran into the bathroom bumping into the door frame and released my hand from my mouth my stomach unable to take anymore.  "Rayne? Are you alright?" my dad asked rubbing my back.  "She's just doing it for attention, stop being so dramatic" my sister scoffed but the only thing I could focus on was the...i dont even know what it was.  "Rayne what's wrong?" my father asked. 

"Outside...look, outside" I said in between huffs and coughs, my father then got up

It was to long before I heard the front door open, then slame shut.  I stood up and slowly walked down, to see my father's eyes wide his hands gripping onto his hair while my mom began to cry she then grabbed her phone

We all sat there is silence

...

...

...

Click

No one picked up

I ran over the to an old radio I used to listen to when I was younger, thank god I still knew how to use it

Static

"WARNING WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A CRISIS DONT GO NEAR INJURED PEOPLE THEY ARE INFECTED IF YOU GET BIT YOU DIE IF YOU GO NEAR THEM YOU DIE, THE LIVING WALK THE EARTH AND EAT THE LIVING"

"Oh my god" my mom said and fell to her knees.

I ran up stairs and ran into my room to get a book and ran back down stairs almost tripping.

"Look" I said and handed my dad the comic. "Holly shit" he said looking through the book. "We have to go, there has to be somewhere safe" my dad added. "Jade! Get down here!" my dad yelled and my sister walked over tears streaming down her face as she shook in fear, and if I'm being honest as much as I hate to admit it we all were even me...

"Me and you mather are going to gather food and weapons, you two go pack clothes not a lot just enough to travel as well as other things you might need" dad said and I nodded and ran up stairs to my room.

2 outfits should be fine including the one I'm wearing

Fit 1 (currently wearing) : red hoodie with a white t-shirts under and blue jeans (dw the fits get better)

Fit 2. A yellow stripped shit and white t shirt with leggings (most of these are based off of Clementine)

Fit 3. A purple t-shirt with blue jeans

I then went into the bathroom to get basic hygiene products (tooth brush, deodorant, etc) "get boots too!!" my dad said and I went into my room and dug through my closet trying to find the one par of boots I had.

Found them

They were an old pair of docs that used to be my sisters but they dont fit her anymore. I then looked at my desk to see a photo of my best friends and tears streamed down my cheeks,

The one person who actually cared, the one person I trusted please for the love please be okay.

"RAYNE GET DOWN HERE!!!" my dad yelled and I took the photo and put it in my pocket.

When I walked down stairs I seen everyone with bags in there hands my dad set his down and I walked by Jade my father then kneeled down and held up two pocket knives I put my hand out but hesitated while my sister just turned away and shock her head. "Please guys, I need to know that you'll be able to protect yourself if need be" he said and I nodded taking the black and silver knife and flicked it open, nothing to special. "Fine" my sister said then took it. "Alright me and your mama have guns but we won't be able to protect you all the time" he said I agreed but my sister wasn't having it. "No! You have to protect us YOU HAVE TO" she said and my father slapped her and she screamed and cried the....um....things?... Walkers ya

Started walking towards our house probably from hearing Jade cry

Sound attacks them

"Shit Jade stop screaming!" my dad said and covered her mouth only to revile the sound of walkers banging on the door. "Dammit Jade" my dad said. "We have to go through the back" he said and let go of my sister tears still streaming down her face we grabbed all of our stuff and my dad held tightly onto his rifle

Here we go

Name: unknown Nickname: Rayne Walker kills: 0 Living kills: 0 Age: 9

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Yuma Dark [Prologue]

ー The scene starts in the living room of the Mukami manor

Kou: Hey, hey, Ruki-kun? Can I bring this with me?

Ruki: Kou...Just how many bags are you packing? We’re not going there on holiday. 

Kou: Ehー? But what if it gets stolen while we’re away?

Azusa: Don’t worry, we’ll make sure the place is locked up...

Ruki: Azusa’s right. Perhaps you should go and check whether all doors are properly locked before you get to packing.

Yui: ( ...We’re actually going to the Demon World. )

( I wonder if it’s okay for a human such as myself to tag along...? I’d lie if I said I wasn’t at least a little worried, but my decision was clear from the start. )

( I’ve long decided that I won’t leave Yuma-kun’s side after all. )

Yuma: ...Oi, Yui. Lend me yer ear for a sec.

Yui: What’s wrong?

ー They move closer

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“When ya say that...It kind of makes me look lame. Like usually the guys says it first, no?”

“Ya really are unbelievable...But well, I guess I don’t dislike that side of yers.”

Yuma: You’ve been keepin’ quiet but...Are ya sure?

Yui: Eh? 

Yuma: You’re actin’ like it’s the most normal thing in the world, but I wanna know if you’re serious ‘bout going to the Demon World.

Sure, Eden might be important to us four but...It’s different for ya.

Yui: ...No, that’s not true. If it’s important to you guys, then it is to me as well. 

Besides, I’ll follow along anywhere. I want to be with you after all. 

Yuma: ...I mean, I figured you’d say somethin’ like that.

But I want ya to properly think this true. The Demon World has never been the safest place ‘round and now shit has really hit the fan.

I honestly have no idea what dangers might be lurkin’ ahead either. To take ya to such a place... 

Yui: You’re worried?

Yuma: ...Ya bet I am. I wouldn’t want anythin’ to happen to ya.

Yui: Thanks, Yuma-kun. But I’ll be okay.

I’ve made up my resolve...And besides, I think that you’ll keep me safe no matter what.

Yuma: ...

Yui: Am I wrong...?

Yuma: ...You’re not.

You’re not but it kind of pisses me off regardless!

*Rustle* 

Yui: Eeh!? W-Why?

Yuma: Ya sound so damn confident. Makes it look like I’m the only shy one.

Yui: ...You’re shy?

Yuma: ...See! Don’t ask me straight to my face like that!

Besides, why ‘you think’? I’ll protect ya for sure!

Yui: ...Fufu, right.

Yuma: Hmph. ...Good.

I’ll keep ya safe. Don’t forget that, no matter what happens.

Yui: Yeah!

( Yuma-kun is always there to protect me. He always has been...and I’m sure he always will be. )

( I can blindly follow him, because I have faith in him. )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall of the Mukami manor

Ruki: Everyone’s ready?

Kou: All goodー

Azusa: I’ve got everything...

Yuma: How ‘bout ya?

Yui: Yeah, I’m good.

Ruki: Let’s go then. ーー To Eden.

ー The scene shifts to the underground waterway

Yui: Hey, can I ask something? What was it like to live at Eden?

Yuma: What is was like? ...Ya know?

Kou: It wasn’t all that unusual. A normal human could comfortably live there as well. 

Ruki: Karlheinz-sama set it up that way.

Yui: Karlheinz-san did...

Ruki: Even though we were not his real sons, he always took us into consideration...

His home...that was Eden. 

Yuma: I mean, obviously it’s gonna be important to us.

Yui: ( Both Yuma-kun and the others truly respect Karlheinz-san. )

( He was a Father figure to them, someone very important. ...But they’ve lost him. )

Ruki: Oi, don’t look so sad just from listening to us. Then you better prepare yourself for what’s to come when you actually come face-to-face with Eden. 

Yui: It’s that bad...? 

Ruki: ...You’ll see when we get there. 

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the outside of Eden

Yui: ...This is...Eden...?

Ruki: ...Exactly.

Kou: It’s completely worn-down. It wasn’t like this at all in the past...

Azusa: The water has become stagnant and the air feels stale as well...

Yuma: The grass and flowers have all withered too. ...Damnit!

Ruki: This Castle shares its soul with its owner. When abandoned by said owner, it is only natural it would fall into ruin like this.

Yuma: ...So it’s that bastard’s fault?

Yui: ( He’s talking about Shuu-san...right? )

( After Karlheinz-san’s passing, Shuu-san was chosen as his successor. So naturally this Castle’s current owner is... )

Yuma: ...He won’t get away with this!

ー Yuma runs off

Yui: Yuma-kun!? Where are you going!? 

Yuma: Isn’t that obvious!? I’m gonna go give him a taste of my fists!

We gotta make sure he gets his shit together or this place will stay like this, right!?

Ruki: Calm down, Yuma. Try to think about it logically. Do you really think things would have gotten this bad if all he needed to motivate him was a hit on the head?

Yuma: ...I mean, ya might not be wrong but...! Ya want to just ignore it then!? 

ー Yuma walks away

Yui: Yuma-kun!

Azusa: Yuma...lost his temper...

Yui: I’ll go after him, okay?

Kou: Hmー.... I think it might be best to leave him alone for now?

Yui: Maybe but...I can’t help but be worried. I’ll go take a quick look.

ー Yui goes after him

Ruki: ...I’d rather she wouldn’t spoil him too much though.

Azusa: Eve is so kind...

ー The scene shifts to the inner courtyard

Yui: ( I’m pretty sure he went this way...Ah, there he is. ...He’s looking after the flowers? )

ー Yui walks up to Yuma

Yui: Yuma-kun.

Yuma: ...What? Did ya come here ‘cause Ruki told ya to? 

Yui: No, I wanted to come, that’s all. Hey, can I help you?

Yuma: ...Do as ya please. 

*Rustle rustle* 

Yui: I didn’t know there was a garden here as well. It really isn’t all that different from the world I know.

Yuma: Guess so. What did ya think it looked like anyway? 

There’s trees and grass in the Demon World as well and we’ve got flowers growin’ here too.

Yuma: ...But look. The soil’s dead over here.

Yui: It was different in the past, right...?

Yuma: Yeah. When we were livin’ here, seeds sprouted overnight and flowers or fruits would grow in no time.

I was shocked at how amazin’ the soil over here is. ...Yet.

Yui: ( I’m sure this garden holds many memories for him. )

( He must be sad to see it completely withered like this...Still. )

Yuma: That fuckin’ NEET...Does he not realize the position he’s in right now!?

Yui: ( I’m also a little sad...that Yuma-kun and Shuu-san are on bad terms. )

( I know the two of them have a long history together. But that’s exactly why I want them to get along. )

Hey, Yuma-kun...Perhaps you should have a proper heart-to-heart with Shuu-san?

Yuma: Aah? 

Yui: It might be Shuu-san’s fault that this place has become like this, but he hasn’t been the heir to the throne for very long.

He might have a lot of things he’s still uncertain about...So maybe we shouldn’t assume he’s been knowingly neglecting his responsibilities. 

Yuma: ...You’re takin’ his side?

Yui: I-I’m not! I just think that maybe Shuu-san has a reasoning of his own...

Yuma: To me that’s basically takin’ his side! Even ya, seriously...!? 

???: What’s this? Fighting all the way over here?

ー A random stranger shows up

Yui: ( A person!? Where did he come from...!? )

*Caw caw caw* 

Yui: ( Also look at all these crows...I’ve never seen this guy before, but could he be an acquaintance of Yuma-kun...? )

Yuma: ...Yui. Hide behind me.

Yui: Eh? Yuma-kun, you don’t know this guy...?

Yuma: I don’t. I can tell that he’s probably a Vampire but...I’ve never seen this guy before. 

Kino: Fufu. Oh come on, no need to be so alert. I’m Kino. Nice to meet you.

Yuma: I don’t give a damn ‘bout yer name! Why are you here at Eden? Do ya have any idea what this place is?

Kino: Of course I do. But I have all the right to be here, don’t you think? I’m also Karlheinz’ son after all.

Yuma: Haah!?

Yui: ( Karlheinz-san’s son!? So he’s the Sakamaki brothers’ sibling then...? )

Yuma: Cut the crap! I’ve never heard a thing ‘bout ya! Stop spoutin’ bullshit lies!

Kino: How rude. It’s not a lie. ...I mean, I guess I can’t blame you for not knowing me. I was never made public after all.

Yuma: Aah? What do ya mean?

Kino: I may be his son, but I am what you’d call an illegitimate child.

Yui: An illegitimate child!?

Kino: Yup. In other words, I’m Prince Zero.

That being said, I don’t recall my Father ever being involved in my upbringing and I have yet to meet my other brothers in person.

I’ve been living in Rotigenberg my whole life. That’s where I was raised amidst the Ghouls.

Yuma: Ghouls, ya say...?

Yui: Yuma-kun, what are Ghouls?

Yuma: That’s what we call creatures who are neither Demon nor human.

Apparently they live at an area up in the North known as Rotigenberg. 

Kino: Fufu, you’re surprisingly nice for a Vampire. Why not just tell her straight up?

To put it simply, Ghouls are not who aren’t qualified to be considered Demons.

They are Demons born without any kind of magic...In other words, faulty goods. That’s what Ghouls are.

Yui: ( Demons without any magic...I had no idea those existed. )

Kino: Well, there’s cases of humans turning into Ghouls after being exposed to the polluted air of the Demon World.

Yuma: Fuck that shit!

If you’re seriously Karlheinz-sama’s son...Then what are ya here for?

Ya came here all the way from Rotigenberg, right? So ya must have had a damn good reason.

Kino: Oh come on, don’t glare at me. I feel like I’ll get hit if I keep on beating around the bush, so I’ll get straight to the point. 

Mukami Yuma. You have a problem with the current Vampire King. Correct?

Yuma: ...So what?

Kino: I’ll fix your problem. So let’s work together?

Yuma: ...Hah?

Kino: I wouldn’t be a bad alley to have, if I may say so myself? After all, I’m pretty strong being a purebred Vampire unlike yourself.

As his son, I’ve also inherited my Father’s ーー Karlheinz’ powers. I don’t see how having me on your side could be a disadvantage. 

Yuma: Hah, ridiculous. I don’t gain anythin’ from it either, do I?

Kino: You think so? But if I were to steal those powers from Shuu and become the successor to the throne, Eden would return to normal?

Yuma: ...!

Yui: ( Steal his powers, don’t tell me he wants to...!? )

Kino: I wouldn’t simply turn a blind eye to it. I’d take my full responsibilities as a King.

You still think my deal doesn’t have any merits? 

Yuma: ...

...I get what you’re tryin’ to say. But listen, ya smell way too fishy, mate. 

Ya really think I’m gonna believe ya just pop out of nowhere as Karlheinz-sama’s hidden love child to form an alliance? 

Kino: Hmm. You’re surprisingly cautious, huh? 

Yuma: Sorry to break it to ya bud, but I only believe the things I see with my very own eyes or what I’m told by my pals whom I can trust.

Kino: ...I see.

Ruki: Yuma!

ー The other Mukamis run up to them

Kino: Oh, this isn’t good.

Azusa: ...? Who’s that...?

Kino: I’ll get going now. See you later, Yuma...Yui.

*Flap flap flap* 

Yuma: ...Che. Creepy fucker. I’m not gonna change my mind no matter how many times he shows up.

Yui: ...?

Crow: ...

Yui: ( There’s a single crow left...It’s staring intently at Yuma? )

Yuma: Whatcha lookin’ at!? Scram already!

*Flap flap flap* 

Yui: Yuma-kun! You’re going to scare it away with your shouting!

Yuma: It’s fine. That wasn’t just a regular old crow.

Yui: Eh? 

Yuma: Ghouls can change into crows. So that one just now was a Ghoul as well. 

Yui: Ghouls...

Ruki: Oi, Yuma. What happened?

Kou: Who was that guy just now? He didn’t struck me as familiar.

Yuma: ...He’sーー

ー Yuma explains to them

Azusa: Karlheinz-sama’s son...?

Kou: A hidden love child, on top of that. You don’t actually believe him, do you, Yuma-kun?

Yuma: Hell nah! I’m not that stupid! ...It’s just.

Ruki: He gave off bad vibes.

Yuma: Yeah. Seems like he’s got connections with the Ghouls as well. ...We’ve got a weird fella on our hands. 

Ruki: ...By the way, how do you feel now?

Yuma: Ah? 

Kou: You stomped off in a fury, remember? Do you feel a bit better now after M-neko-chan comforted you? 

Yuma: Haah!? She didn’t comfort me or anythin’!

Azusa: ...Is that true, Eve?

Yui: I-I’m not sure. I don’t think I did anything special...

Kou: In other words, she doesn’t need to do anything special because just being together is enough to lift your spirits. You’re so simple-minded, Yuma-kun~!

Yuma: Fuck off! Leave me alone!!

ー Yuma walks away

Yui: Ah, again...!

Azusa: This time it’s fine. He’s just trying to hide his embarrassment...

Ruki: We should head back to the Castle as well. With Eden in this state, it’s possible that some weird people like that guy from before could get inside.

Even while here at Eden, it’s dangerous to wander around unprepared. 

Kou: Rogerー Let’s go, M-neko-chan.

Yui: Yeah...

( In the end...What did that Kino guy even want? )

ー She recalls his words

Kino: I wouldn’t simply turn a blind eye to it. I’d take my full responsibilities as a King.

You still think my deal doesn’t have any merits?

Yuma: ...

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( ...Yuma-kun seemed to hesitate just a bit back then. )

( Of course, I want this place which is important to everyone to go back to normal as well. )

( But I can’t choose that path...if it means Shuu-san needs to die and have his powers taken away from him... )

( Yuma-kun should feel the same way, right? He isn’t the type of guy who’d wish death upon someone else, regardless of how he personally feels about this person. )

( Yeah, I’m sure Yuma-kun will be fine. I believe Shuu-san will eventually get it together as well, even if he’s struggling right now. )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[gritsandbrits]

Ins & Outs of 2023 💜

I know we're halfway through the year but change doesn't have an expiration date. I've been inspired by seeing lists made by other people so I take a crack at writing my own!

Outs:

Traumadumping/Sending me long rants in my inbox: Now I'm not saying you can't talk to me if something troubles you, I'm always open for a shoulder to cry on. But I am not a therapist. Also, if I'm talking about fandom stuff I don't need textbook long rants about the dangers of white feminism/liberalism/centrism/politics/whatever when I'm talking bout be like, Bratz or Transformers 😅. Half the time it is really not that deep, overly long rants clogs my inbox and honestly, I find them uncomfortable. It seems less like a conversation and more like a grudge post so if your feel that strongly you be better off making your own post. I am just one person!

Calling everything cheugy/ soulless: most of the time cheugy is just a word use to crap on things women likes. Also just because you don't vibe with a certain piece of media doesn't make it soulless, sometimes you don't need long rants or explanations. It's okay to dislike something without putting people down. I personally see this term so much it's becoming as overused as Mary Sue

Respectability Politics: most of the time the people who you work to try to earn respect won't give you that. Some noses need to be broken (metaphorically speaking). It's not being rude you're protecting your space.

Aesthetics: what I mean by this is following trends JUST to follow a trend even if it risks landing you in financial hot water. Or breaking down varied styles based on barebones idea (like there is more to Y2K than a belly shirt and shiny pants). Also not everything needs to be an aesthetic. Speaking of, Shein Hauls. Don't do it! You'd be better off saving on something that's actually worth the money

AI/NFTs: I don't need to explain this one

Beige: Going back to Aesthetic, beige has a connection to it. I know it supposed to give off clean vibes but everything being beige/gray/greige with nary a drop of color in sight just makes me sad :(

Recording People In Public: unless you have permission (or outing a potential Karen) don't do this. You could put someone's life in danger and it's just super rude in general. Getting a popular tiktok isn't worth harming others.

Cringe Culture: I admit I am guilty of participating in it back in my teen years. But now that I know better I realized I was being so sacred and insecure I wanted to be like everyone else...which is being a bully. It made me miss out on fun events and creators I couldve enjoyed if I had taken my head out my ass. Plus I'm not exactly Picasso myself, so who am I to judge. You don't know what an artist is going through sometimes the cringe is their outlet. As long as it's not hurting anyone why should u put people on blast for having fun?

Brand/Studio/Fandom Wars: I think we're at that stage where they have good and bad (and neutral) points. Everything is not always about conflict who makes the better movies/products. I find it reductive and sometimes it gets too far and innocent people end up getting dragged into a war they didn't ask for. Plus artists who work in rival companies/brands do support each other. We can enjoy media without pitting them against each other all the time and honestly it's just obnoxious stan behavior. Looking at you Cartoontwt.

Now it's time for the INs!

Creating for fun&joy: Yes it's okay to be upset if your art or stories aren't getting as much attention as you like, but that doesn't mean no one enjoys it. There's always one or two persons who loves your work! In general it's important to have fun and not let algorithms and "get rich quick" consume you. There is room for fun. Also don't make spite your entire motivation or else you'll end up with a Sonic Omens/ BlueyCapsules scenario. Take it from me: I may hate Cars 2 and Shrek 3 but I love those franchises too much to let interesting ideas go to waste. I have fun with the creating process, making picrews of Gwynn and Rhodanthe and self indulgent stories of my carsona and Finn.

Thinking For Yourself: You do not need to peddle someone else's opinions just bc they're popular. You don't need to jump on bandwagons, you can watch or read media and come up with your own conclusions. Practice Discernment and expand your horizons beyond watching that one review.

Self Inserts/OCs: back to cringe culture what helped me break out of that is making my own OCs. I love making OCs and Self inserts, it helps me get comfortable with designs and writing, everyone has a unique OC and have fun with them. Plus the ships are so cute everyone has a funky selfship or oc x canon

Color/Wearing what works for you: A pop of color helps to make your outfit stand out, and wearing what you want even for a couple of hours helps with your self esteem. Again everything doesn't need to follow an aesthetic or a trend as long as it suits your tastes (and budget)

Buying Products That Work: Don't just buy things just to have them decorate the shelves half the time bc they're cheap & not good for your body. Same with clothes buy something that lasts not because it goes well with a tiktok. Sometimes it's okay to spend a bit more on a product if it truly works for you. Also DIY can be VERY miss (the charcoal & glue peel off masks come to mind) so just get something specifically formulated for you

The Curtains Are PINK! Yes I wrote that in pink 💁 but essentially learn to value critical thinking. Learn to handle - and give - constructive criticism. Yes there are things that aren't that deep but that doesn't mean anything is unworthy of discussion. There's a lot of value in analysing media, and it helps you from hopping on bandwagons of misinformation

Working On yourself: doesn't need to be therapy (btw don't use BetterHelp) it can be anything: writing your feelings out in a diary, making vent art, trying new things, talking to someone you trust, stressballs, fidget toys. 2023 is the year of healing; it is VERY important to know how to FEEL not just shove down your emotions or take it out on someone. We're all adults we have a responsibility to initiate our positive change.

And I guess that's it! That's all I have of my Ins and outs for 2023

[saqui]

Rwby Ships as my kpop playlist songs:

I'm a very huge kpop stan and I think it would be nice to have some fun just by mixing my two interests into one. Enjoy!

Rosegarden - "SLOWMOTION" by TREASURE

What I love about this song is it speaks about taking your time to go deeper, slower, in the moment. It also gives deep comfort or ease. This song best suits Rosegarden in my opinion because from how I see Rosegarden, as the world is going faster that it's heavier to carry its heavy weight, they find as if the world became slower and lighter the moment they see each other.

Overall, the vibe just suits 😌🥰❤💚

Lines:

(1) We goin' slowmotion

(2) I want a deep talk

(3) All day, let's go, it's a long day, trust me, lean next to me.

Renora - "But You" by iKON

One, I can definitely see Ren singing this to Nora.

Two, this song tells about how sure that the girl, he used to be in a relationship before, is the only one for him no matter what and would want to start over again which I think suits them sooo much. Plus, I think this is something how Ren would really deeply feel about Nora even especially how they are currently.

Lines:

(1) You're the reason. I need you baby

(2) Start over and fall in love

(3) We know each other better more than anyone else

(4) Nobody but you

Bumbleby - "Bet You Wanna" by BLACKPINK

They're high for each other. They're hooked for each other. Just look at the gif. Does that not speak volumes to you??? /hj

Anyways, yes, this song has the whole vibe of being high because of their partner. Blake and Yang have always been clingy and whipped for each other and this song expands that idea more. This song is playful and teasing like their love language so it's this I choose.

This song kinda mentions a lot of fire too.

Lines:

(1) Take me to your paradise cuz I don't wanna wait anymore

(2) Something 'bout me's takin' you higher and you ain't ever gonna come down.

(3) I'm lighting your fire and it ain't ever gonna go out

Blacksun - "Thank You" by TREASURE

Both Blake and Sun are thankful for being with each other. There are so many lessons and memories they've made from each other and I guess it's time to say "Thank you". They wish each other good things in the world. That's the whole point of the song, just being thankful and moving forward. Also, the vibe or the music just suits them a lot.

Lines:

(1) Thank you that I met you

(2) All we have to do is walk on the flowery path

(3) Instead, I promise you don't get sick and I hope you meet a good person.

(4) Thank you so much, I was so happy

Tauradonna - "KILL THIS LOVE" by BLACKPINK

LET'S KILL THIS LOVE!

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

Arkos - "Shout Out" by ENHYPEN

Honestly, everything about arkos makes me associate everything specifically about being true to your feelings which I think relates to the song about "shouting" it out and considering how Pyrrah was always keeping her feelings to herself.

This song also has that beautiful vibe I feel for this ship.

Lines:

(1) The fake paradigm that locked me up beyond the border line drawn by someone, I shout out, and this is my shout out. I'm all for myself.

(2) Shout out my heart for you. My burning heart, shout out.

(3) I'm trapped in a wall that locked me up. Your voice is calling me

(4) My life without you is a misery

(5) With my real voice, I'll tell you my true feelings.

Everything here is only based on how I interpret both the songs and the ships. This is really fun to make!

The songs are beautiful!

If you're looking for other ships, maybe I would want to make another post for it. That is if you guys are also kpop stans haha!

I'm also genuinely curious what songs you think would fit these rwby ships too, let me know! 🤩

[rosekasa]

I dont know who to ask but since ur an artjst, how do i feel better abt my art? i love the process, love to draw my thoughts but at the end when i see what ive made, im not happy? it doesn't look good to me and that just sours my happiness over the process entirely. i don't know why but i had fun doing it but now its disgusting to me and its an endless cycle

oh anon. big hugs. im so sorry you're dealing with this. ive struggled with this myself for years and it's so difficult, especially when you see others seemingly effortlessly creating whatever they want and having it look beautiful everytime.

this is going to sound so cheesy, but honestly? what helped me was believing in myself more. i tried to understand what exactly the difference is between myself and the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised it was very little to do with the actual end result of my pieces and rather how i felt about them -- i wanted to feel like i could have an idea and immediately sit down to draw it instead of wondering if i had the skills to, i wanted to be able to draw something that i was genuinely excited about rather than something i thought was 'safe', and most of all i wanted to draw without being scared that i might not like the results. not liking the end results for me wasn't a sign that my art was bad, it was a sign that I wasn't thinking or acting like the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised that that artist would not doubt herself so much, regardless of the results she's producing. she would know that if there's anything she wants to add to her skillset, she can experiment with it and have fun and live in the knowledge that whatever she produces will make her happy.

i give this advice but i also want to let you know that i still go through bouts of this and im sure every other artist does too. like, i havent drawn anything since october because my brain keeps telling me that art is hard and i wont be able to draw fast enough and there's nothing i want to draw anyway. it doesn't help when the evidence i see corroborates it too -- e.g., losing followers on instagram within a week of inactivity, or the fact that my folders for november to february are completely devoid of any art, or just the simple fact i have not willingly sat down with my ipad for a while. but something im starting to realise is that you dont need to wait for the things you see to tell you that you're the person you want to be. you can be that person regardless, because if you think about it that person probably also would have that same confidence in themselves!

i really hope this helped you anon. and if you have time today you should try to draw something and do it with utmost love and trust in yourself. writing this response made me want to do the same so we can do it like a challenge together, because im rooting you on!!!

[marinerainbow]

Wheezy's face was absolutely slack, and his fingers twitched at his sides; Shiny (Scratch that, no one-) had ever seen him so beside himself as he came to the realisation that she... was the one who brought him back.

(For context this is meant to be about that idea that Shiny turned Wheezy into a ghoul ^^ But you can make it whatever you want!)

~

As soon as those words 'Is it even a girl??' came outta Buckman you only had one important question for him as he straightens up and immediately startles at your extremely dubious expression aimed directly at him; Because, sorry sorry, but- Would that make a difference???

(For context, again- I've been thinking a lot about that one bit in 2001 Maniacs with Lester and Jezebel, and Buckman leaning down to check if Jezebel was a female sheep- as if that would might make thus union better somehow 😂😂😂 I dunno its just so ridiculous it cracks me up XD )

~

Poppy absolutely positively could not feel her legs in that moment, that the Evil freaken Queen took up her paw in her hand and shook it, saying how she (Grimhilde, the Evil Freaken Queen- ) enjoyed the cartoons that she starred in years ago; All Poppy could think was that she's just as pretty in person!-

~

"Y/N, darlin', take me back, please cher, I- I'm begging you- one more chance; Just one more, sweetheart, I promise I wont mess it up this time." - Dr Facilier

Some random ones for you to pick from! If none of them do it for you, that's totally cool; Just giving you some options!

Aaaahhh thank you so much anon (who I totally don't know the identity of)! These prompts are absolutely amazing! I've been thinking about 1 and 3 all day honestly XD

Also, gonna go with paragraphs and not sentences again because I can't restrain myself to just five sentences. I think in general I'm just gonna go with paragraphs XD

Warnings for mentions of... Uh... Well, if you've seen 2001 Maniacs, or read the prompt, you know what's going on between Lester and poor Jezebel. I didn't direct that movie, anon and I are just making comedy from that scene. And cursing.

~

"You... 'Yer the one that did this to me?"

For the first time in a long time, Shiny felt the skin on her back crawl from the ice cold glare in the ghouls eyes alone. If it weren't for the fact that she could very easily make him combust if he made a move towards her, she would have been scared for her life. Not that she'd admit that out loud, "Ok, Wheeze, I know I screwed up. How 'bout we talk this out over a couple of dri-"

"Talk? You- You can't just talk this out." His tone was below freezing, and one hand at his side balled up into a fist. But he didn't take a step closer to her like she was preparing for. Instead, the other hand pointed an angry finger at the witch, "You brought me back when I was at peace! What the hell were you even tryin' t'do out there!?

"I'll tell you if you can calm yourself." The woman fired back as she got one of her personal jars and a couple of glasses out. She tried not to sound too harsh, though; she couldn't exactly blame Wheezy for freaking out over this discovery. Especially since witches usually only summoned the dead to try to use them in some way, "Look. I can assure you, I had no nefarious intentions that night. But I can't explain if you start losin' your head. So sit down, have some moonshine, and listen with your ears and not your emotions. Kay?"

Shiny kept a straight look on her face as she offered one of the glasses to him, while Wheezy continued to glare at her for a moment... There was no sign of teasing or trickery that he could see, "..."

Finally, the ghoul just grabbed the jar- not the small glass she offered- from her hand and took a good swig out of that before silently making his way to her couch. He could hear her mumble, "I guess I deserve that." Behind him, and rummage for a separate jar before following him.

(Shhhh this is totally five paragraphs. Five plus one is still five in writers world XD)

~

When your oh-so-beloved mayor looked at you like you just sprouted two heads, it took everything in you not to smack him upside the head when he asked innocently, "What? What'd I say, darlin'?"

"What did you- George, why would it make any difference if that poor sheep was a 'girlie'!?" You exclaimed in a huff. You've been a citizen of this town for literal centuries, witnessed many horrific jubilees all these years, yet this was possibly the most disturbing thing you've heard in a long while. Next to finding out what Harper kept under his bed, "Lester should be kept away from all our animals! No matter if they're boys or girls!"

"Hey! I ain't hurtin' Jezebel! I wouldn't even dream of it!" Lester insisted, and you couldn't help the pursing of your lips and the roll of your eyes as you slowly look towards your sweethearts' unfortunate son.

"Lester, you're the accused. Not the lawyer. You don't get to make any objections." Lester just stared at you slack jawed, looking like he was struggling to wrap his head around what you said. When he and neither of his brothers- who had just been standing back watching this shit show go down- didn't say anything, you turned back to Buckman, "Now-"

"Well, can I be my own lawyer?" And at that, you just threw your hands up and stormed off to help Boone in the kitchen. Honestly, you were this close to joining the northerners. They have made some pretty good points over the years...

~

Poppy's eyes were wide as she stared back up at the fellow toon- The Evil Queen! Was shopping at her store!? And she knew insignificant her!? If this was a dream, she didn't want to be woken up! Realizing she was just staring, the rabbit shook her head and hoped to god that her stutter wouldn't rear its ugly head now of all times, "Y-You are? You're a f-fan of mi- my work?? I... Wow! I-I have no idea wh-what to say! Th-Thank you so much Miss Grim- I mean my lady!"

... She must have sounded so stupid to the Queen. But if she did, the woman made no indication of that. In fact she- oh lord, was that a smirk?? She felt like she was going to faint! "There's no need for formalities. Now, would you care to assist me? I haven't been to this shop before."

Ok. If she was shot dead right now, Poppy could die happy. Grimhilde wanted her help??? "Y-Yes! I-I'm more than happy to a-assist my la- Miss Grimhilde! You mentioned y-you wanted velvet, right?"

...

Poppy had no clue how she managed to hold herself together for so long- especially since Grimhilde wanted to enquire about her previous career! But once the queen left the store, she knew she couldn't go back to her station right away. She had to tap out, "Um... H-Hannah? Could you t-take over measurements for a moment? I-I need to... F-Fetch something from the back."

Thank the lord. Her coworker was willing to help. Though that knowing look really didn't make things any better. Nevertheless, Poppy rushed to the nearest door that led to the stock room, continued on until she reached a far corner where she was certain no one would hear her... And then let out all the excited squealing she had been holding back for so long, "She knows me!!!"

~

You sighed as you remembered those last words from your love. The last time the two of you had spoken in a long time- if you can even call it that. You had been so enraged with Facilier that you just packed your things and left.

You couldn't believe him at first. How he took advantage of innocent people. How he trapped them to feed their souls to his friends in exchange for granting their wishes. Sometimes, in ways that they never even wanted in the first place. You knew he practiced voodoo. You knew he didn't much care for the higher class, and you did agree that they needed to be knocked down a few pegs- but not like this! Just how many lives did he ruin that had nothing to do with his position in life?

But... You miss him. Facilier wasn't just the love of your life. He was your friend. You two hadn't known each other all your lives, but you had been with each other through thick and thin within the comparatively short period you two were together. It felt like the two of you knew each other in ways nobody else on Earth could. You had let the shadow man in, and you couldn't push him out. No matter how hard you tried.

Which was what led to you here. Walking down the still familiar alleyway, passing by the still dead tree in the center of this hidden space in the city, knocking on the chipped purple door, and tearing up at the sight of your other half as he looked so shocked to see you, "Sweethe-... Y/N?"

"Hey there... Cher."

(What happens next? You decide~)

I hope you like these! I think this'll help a lot with the writers block. Thank you! ^^

[nerves-nebula]

This took, too long. (And so much restraint. I am so normal about this band) (I'm definitely not but at least I'm not "makes edits of the band members" level obsessed)(I'm just, pays attention to the fact each album has a story hidden in it and a distinct theme.) (Worlds greatest hits is the best example of this and it M A Y Be my favorite album do their not gonna lie)

Violet! (Normal and mc4d remix)

If u hear every other word, it sounds like a Classic love song. But, high-key about being stalked and followed home!! (I always say the mc4d remix has rottmnt vibes, but honestly, I think it fits your Donnie even more, stylistically)

Royal.

,,,, It fits some of your vent posts got that "everything is better now but also rlly is it????? It doesn't feel like it, do I want it to be better either????"

Gladiator (interlude)

Bright and bumpy song bout how being in the social spotlight is like being thrown in a gladiator ring. (It makes me think of Lou jitsu and it's CRIMINALLY underrated)

Gloom boys.

"I like happy songs with titles that don't match at all" "I like happy songs that sound nice, even with their words like dog bites" nuff said.

Numb.

Fan favorite from the album "worlds greatest hits" so happy sounding and fast, and then it's dead ass about realizing people are only around for a BAD time!

Ritual

Religious trauma + PTSD fueled insomnia!

Sleep alone

Just got a gut feeling here

Fruit roll ups.

I can't ever NOT recommend this song. Got that good good Insecurity🥴

Worst

That good "maybe I should just get fucked up and go away" (or maybe I just REALLY like this song)

I can't not recommend:

I MISS HAVING SEX BUT ATLEAST I DONT WANNA DIE ANYMORE

This song made TikTok famous for a short while and blew them up. Like, two years after it was published cuz COVID HIT and everyone had feels. It's fucking WORTH IT to. Vibes = ppl only hang when they want something but also fomo

I'm not sure if you'll like these ones, but I HAVE to mention the two that got me hook line and sinker.

Tantrum

Turbulent

Honorable mentions:

Like it

Fantastic (demo)

Take her to the moon

Self sabotage

Greatest hits

American graffiti

Cutting myself off before I just recommend the entire discography. (Except their early singles. They're a bit slow, not bad, just slower)

Albums I think you'd jive with best: fandom and worlds greatest hits (and I think you'd like the religious trauma vibes in intellectual property)

Genuinely trying so hard not just reccemend every single song. I could go for hours. *Stares at my four and a half hour long playlist I made of their discography cuz Spotify shuffled into different artists after 15 songs and I was getting annoyed with it, that I've listened all the way through five times already (I made it last week)* ANYWAY-

haha thanks for the list! i especially like that you gave me like, little descriptions of themes and stuff <3 I'll check it out

[belethlegwen]

The Faerie Spell - Chp 7

Chapter One: Click Here

Previous Chapter: Click Here

Story Directory: Click Here

Words: 6061

Summary: Daphne decides to take back some of her own agency after the awkward-as-hell movie night, learning that she can get away with keeping her curse-bullshit bouts a secret under certain conditions. It makes her feel good enough that she starts to finally start breaking away from her friends a bit, making more decisions for herself and even deciding to treat herself a little!

But...

Content Warning: Violence, bodily harm, fear

Since the movie-night, like I mentioned, there had been three episodes. The first one didn’t even last until morning, which made things a bit awkward. Waking up to cold chills and wondering how long it had been, scrambling with whatever I could remember to grab out to the top of the desk. I made it, but it did make me move the bed from the second floor/loft of the ‘beach bungalow’ to the ground floor.

I fell into my real bed, barely blinked my damn eyes and the sun was up before I could fully form the question of what that stupid winged bastard was getting up to at my height in the middle of the night on a Friday. Sheri had helpfully informed me at the kitchen table that I looked like shit, but it being Saturday, I just took a morning shower and went right back to nap until lunch. It, admittedly, wasn’t a huge help to my energy or my mood.

The second one had happened on Tuesday, around 10:30 or so in the morning. I was mid-zoom call with my team lead and some of my other coworkers when the feeling came over me and I managed to zonk the laptop down with me in what I personally believe was my smoothest move yet. Only one of them had even noticed something happened, and that was more because the warm waves make me sweaty-- whether from anxiety or because they’re actually that warm, I haven’t actually bothered to check-- and a little nauseous. I had almost passed it off completely, but because I hadn’t been charging the laptop all morning the battery died just a bit past lunch and I had to take a sick day for the latter half.

I had been getting warned about taking those, but I had looked at the health coverage and poured over some of the language with a personal caseworker after my accident, and ‘illnesses and afflictions’ such as mine were covered.

…Well, supposed to be, but it was still a weekly game of email-tag with HR and management to get the sick days applied properly and compensated for according to the contract, etcetera etcetera, blahblahblah.

I had forgotten that day who was free and who wasn’t, and I didn’t want to give Sheridan an excuse to dodge out of work early or something, so I just… wandered. I got into the cupboard I had been testing, I checked my new elastic-ladder situation, and realized what was so good about sunbeams. As a heads up: Giant cheetos are more trouble than they’re worth, but there’s something about giant breakfast cereal if you can get to it that really really hits.

I was honestly about to start heading back to where my phone was sitting on the desk in my room, ready to alert them that it had happened before Sheridan may have shown up and found me, when the cold chills hit and I was standing normal-sized in the hall again. Being self-sufficient felt good. Really good, honestly, and being able to just spend time by myself and do things on my own helped me plan out some things I could do to make everything easier to just… stay self-sufficient.

Mostly it involved getting a lot of things for my room. I started taking little notes in a diary, started bringing a bag full of some essentials with me from room to room so that if it hit again I’d be able to-- hopefully-- grab it before I zonked. ALWAYS making sure my phone was going in a pocket of some kind instead of being laid somewhere was a tricky one, but I had been getting better at it! By the time the next bout hit, I had improved a bunch of little, like… quality of life things for myself in terms of mobility, keeping things kind of concentrated to certain areas, that sort of deal.

I got a little bit sour that nobody noticed them before I zonked or whatever. No one seemed to care about my stupid curse or how I was actually dealing with it outside of making dumb jokes, so nobody noticed that the bookshelf dollhouse set up had gotten a little pimped out, that I had made some extra additions for like, comfort. Closest we came was when Gem popped in for dinner with us one night and she noted that I had some scraps of fabric and stuff around, things like hacky sacks or a scrap of old memory-foam from a pillow I was replacing that I had wrapped some cloth around, wondering why I wasn’t ordering more doll furniture.

I told her this was just basic stuff to ‘tide me over’ until an order came in. She had been excited about that, even though I didn’t honestly believe it was that convincing of a lie. It still wasn’t probably going to be comfortable but it was better than a lot of the doll-intended trash I had already wound up with.

I had… almost forgotten about the Gem shit entirely by this point. There were moments when it would hit again, but honestly? In my newfound independence, it didn’t bother me nearly as much and I had no interest in wanting to talk to anyone about it. Why bring it up? I was actively making it not-a-problem and that felt so good, oh my god.

The latest bout, the one that ended this morning, happened at 10:30-ish again on Tuesday, and I was sincerely hoping that whatever this bastard was up to would last the same length of time as it did the last time, but by 4:30 I was left with no real choice but to warn everybody before Sheri came home and just found me. I had gotten through the entire workday with no one noticing that my background was uh… well, bigger, but I tended to keep to a pretty vague section of my desk while on the zoom calls and such anyway, so I suppose it wouldn’t have been extremely noticeable.

Once Sheridan made it back and settled in for the night, I messaged Cal and had them come over to hang out with me in my room and even convinced them to sleep over just to get Gem off my back. We didn’t talk about the incident, but Cal and I did have a conversation about how kind of pushy Gem was about babysitting me and taking me for sleepovers when this shit happened, even when it was blatantly impractical like it was that night: she had work the next morning! Was I just going to hang out on a table in her house for 8 hours? Was I supposed to break my way out of there if the curse un-zonked me mid-way through the day? God girl, just let me sleep in my own house.

“Listen,” Cal had said as they spread out on my bed, causing the pillow I was sitting on to almost toss me into the air as their head landed on it with some force next to me. “I can’t blame her too much, you’re pretty cute like this.”

“Ugh,” I had grunted, reaching for the strap of my bag and hauling back up beside me to avoid it getting crushed, sending off my sick-leave request on my phone. “That’s the last thing I wanna hear. I just wish people would give me a fuckin’ break when I’m like this.”

“It takes you like, four years to get to a bathroom at this size, girl,” they had drawled, yawning, their hand almost hitting me as it moved to flop on the other side of me. “Only so much of a break you can get.”

“You know I’ve like, dealt with that at least a little, right?” I had asked pointedly, turning to stare at the side of their face, but it was useless. As they scoffed and made some kind of comment that unless we put litter boxes in every room ‘it wouldn’t matter’, I decided to not let them in on the details of my creative engineering. 

I also decided, once again, to not complain about how touchy Gem was when Cal’s finger started to bump into me idly and repeatedly while we talked. What right did I have to complain about Gem’s handsy-ness when I was constantly smacking at Cal’s stupid fingers?

One thing I was grateful to Cal for, though, was that when I told them I could handle myself and would message them if anything went wrong, they believed me enough to head out to work the next morning without trying to call in Mak or Gem. Even agreed to send a dummy-message in the afternoon that they were heading home so it looked like I’d only be home alone for maybe an hour before Sheri got back. Sheri had even made sure Hannibal wasn’t going to do his morning run, though it was pretty unnecessary. One of my quality-of-life upgrades I finally caved to was a couple of sets of earplugs. 

I had run clean out of those USB-charger battery packs by the time me and Sheri had finished dinner, so she had suggested we just watch TV together while I gave my phone a break. It was honestly a nice night, like I had said; she was pretty good about listening to me when I said it’s easier for me to watch from the back of the couch, or at least the armrest, and aside from the quick warnings before being grabbed and moved everywhere she was alright to get along with.

The rest of the group chat… not so much. When I mentioned my phone was dying, Gem told me she was absolutely going to take the time off of work tomorrow and come get me so someone was ‘actually taking care of me’ while I was still zonked, Mak asked me why I didn’t just keep all of my old phones charged as back-ups because they don’t need SIM cards to use the WiFi and I was going to be home all the time anyway, Cal saying instead that they’d call in for their shift tomorrow afternoon if I was still zonked and come hang with me at my place, which just started an argument with Gem…

When I was grabbing my bag and everything just a bit before 5am and sleepily dragging my ass out of the bungalow, I can not begin to express how god-damn relieved I was. I plugged my phone in and sent off a message to the chat that I was big again, everything was fine, and then just collapsed for a few more hours of sleep. By 7, everyone had seen and was… well, they all said they were happy to hear, but I was getting more and more suspicious of Gem’s level of honesty. 

So, I hope that’s a pretty clear explanation of why I decided, at around 9am, to drive myself into town to run some very minor, personal errands and just enjoy myself without letting anyone know. 

Like, the house-keeping was done and getting done! I plugged in all of my chargers at home, phone was back to full charge by the time I was up, set up my laptop to charge… My sick-leave was still in place, though I had told the crew that I was thinking of letting them know that I was good to work again when I first was re-embiggened or whatever before dawn. I decided against it because after Sheridan had left for work it just kind of hit me that… I missed doing shit on my own.

It hit me that I hated the idea of trying to ask if one of them could schedule some time with me to get my haircut, or that the only one who ever really seemed down for a nice coffee-and-chat like I used to have was Gem because everyone else was busy or was worried I’d zonk or something. 

I also, also… kind of wanted to try out some of the other magic shops around town. I had been doing research, but every time I brought it up around the gang, they all got really squirrelly about it; even Gem, who was always saying she knew someone or knew someone who knew someone who was in the magic underground scene or what-have-you. Like, we were all super ignorant about magic stuff, me and Cal almost especially because of our, uh…

Well lets just say that our respective upbringings required a lot of very intense unlearning in order for Cal to be able to be themself, and for me to just… get along with other people, especially people like Cal.

We don’t go home to visit family often, is what I’m saying. If my family knew I had been cursed by magic they would probably say it was because I was ‘giving into sinful urges’ or something. Then they’d ask if I had a boyfriend yet. You know how that shit gets.

I won’t lie, I had been putting off showing my face around like… known magic gigs since the Witch had flipped her lid at me, but I figured if I just went in and asked, and just didn’t tell them I was cursed or whatever maybe they wouldn’t like… try to read it or whatever the fuck that sour old bitch did that told her I was somehow in cahoots with a Faerie. My real issue was that no one else was going to do it for me though, so I figured just… nosing around for new charms wouldn’t kill me?

I mean, I was at no risk. I had gotten a minimum of almost four days between bouts at the shortest since this had all started, and it ended this morning. All I wanted was to feel normal, and I had already proven to myself in at least a dozen ways that I can handle myself way better than the others wanted to believe. So… I drove into town, parked the car at my workplace lot because I still had my pass and it was pretty close to everything I wanted to do, and then walked into a salon to get my hair finally dealt with.

I kept it long enough that I could just keep it in a bun, hopefully no one would notice immediately, but I figured, hey! If I can go a few days without anyone figuring it out, I could let Cal in on the secret. They could appreciate a good bit of friendly espionage like that, we always liked doing that kind of thing.

God, it was so nice to just… sit in a chair and chat with a hair stylist again. It was nice to just be out, with people I didn’t know, just acting like a person again! I went window shopping, I stopped into a little cafe I had never been in before and got myself this neat little herb-and-cheese danish thing and a really really fancy coffee from them-- literally just told them what my favourite flavours were, said I wanted something hot and fancy, and the barista looked like they could die they were so happy to build me something custom. They even wrote it down after I tried it and loved it in case I wanted to order it again!

I was just wandering around the downtown area, bopping along to tunes and taking a ton of pictures of things that I never realized I missed so much. I was waving to people, saying hi and smiling… 

Did you ever notice that you used to be someone, and that you just… hadn’t been that person in a while? It was weird. It was so weird to become that person again so naturally, so easily, and see how badly I had missed it. Even before the stupid curse I just hadn’t been doing much of any kind of socializing outside of the crew because I was just so busy all the time with work, and I mean, after the bullshit with my ex it wasn’t like I was trying to hit the town and find a new mistake to make, so…

I had been bringing up Google maps so much to find out where anything I might wanna visit might be that my phone was already on half-charge, so it was going to be a pretty short trip out into the real world. I wasn’t too upset, honestly my anxiety was high enough in the car originally that I was thinking I’d just do the haircut and get back home ASAP, but once the sunlight and fresh air hit me… damn I really did love it.

My legs also felt they could walk me clear out of town and back if I wanted, too, which was a fun little benefit. Walking to the nearest charm shop and then back to the car would be easy, and I still had like half of my very-fancy-coffee drink with me to keep me company.

I was already making plans to come back tomorrow, my eyes looking at a gorgeous little outdoor seating area outside a restaurant, a little wrought-iron fence and some bushes, under the sidewalk trees. There were a few couples, some loners, and even a couple of moms with their below-school-aged kids with them enjoying an early lunch, and it just looked so wonderful. I stopped at the little wooden sign with today’s specials on it, trying to glance around the area to see if there was a waiter or someone I could ask about seeing a full menu, when I felt the sun break through the trees.

God, what a beautiful day. Why didn’t I do this more? Why did I just let myself be scared, let my friends try to run my life like I needed to be wrapped in bubble wrap all the time? What was so terrifying about being out here on such a gorgeous day?

The alarm on my phone started to go off, reminding me that if I had been at work, there was a zoom meeting due about one of my team’s projects happening in a half hour. It was loud and obnoxious, and I felt myself flush at the embarrassment of having some random video-game noise from the 90s start blasting out in the middle of such a nice public spot. I heard high-pitched, squealy giggles as I pulled it out of my pocket and hit the shut-off button, sighing.

Then I caught my reflection on the screen as it changed back to black.

I caught the look of myself, sweat beading on my head, and realized that the sun had never broken through the trees around me.

“That fucker--” I managed, somewhere between panic and rage, before the rush of air and massive bout of nausea sent me to my knees instantly on the extremely rough concrete. My coffee spilling on the ground as I slammed the paper cup against it. 

I vomited. I couldn’t help it. I vomited and scrambled to my feet as fast as possible, ready to start screaming if anything came near-- the three times this had happened outdoors, the massive feeling of being so exposed so suddenly, with no walls and no ceiling, had hit like a ton of bricks and this was absolutely no different. At least there weren’t any pigeons around this time, I guess.

To my left was the wrought-iron fence and the side of one of the bushes that decorated it. The folding menu-sign with the specials chalked up on it was just slightly further, and was also likely to get too many eyes. I darted, running sloppily toward the fence and the bush instead, my hand diving into the pocket with my stones in it and hauling them out.

I could barely keep myself upright; between the nausea and the panic, I was barely breathing around my heart feeling like it was literally sitting at the back of my god damn tongue. I was swearing, that was the only way I could think to get air out of me between terrified gulps of air. Between my shaking hands, I was able to finally grab the stone that had the minor-invisibility charm and after stammering twice, activated it. That helped, a little. It would at least keep the birds from finding me if there were any bumming around the restaurant tables looking for scraps. 

The charm was basically one of those that kept eyes from landing on you if someone wasn’t specifically looking for you, or you weren’t drawing specific attention to yourself. I never had to use it much between never leaving the house and always winding up in a pocket or a purse when I did and zonked, but that just made me happier knowing that it had a lot of charge.

My mind was racing as I slipped it back into my pocket and moved to the next stone. I had nothing with me, nothing but the stones which were always in my pockets out of habit, my phone, and my wallet which was useless at this size. My bag was at home, but even if I had it all of the chargers were out and plugged in, the only thing in it now was a chocolate bar, spare pajamas and earplugs. I was going to need to tell someone that I had left the house, that I was basically somewhere downtown, try and send the geolocation and just… hunker down and hope nothing ate me until they got here. It was going to have to be Cal. Their shift wasn’t until later in the afternoon, they might not have left yet… they might not be awake but they’d be my safest bet with the least amount of yelling, at least immediately.

Next charm I wanted to use was the protection stone, it helped with bumps and falls, and even helped-- at least a little-- with the crew grabbing me if they were a little more rough about swinging me around. It was like magic padding. I was going to need it if I was going to be trying to climb things out in the wild and hiding under stuff, waiting for Cal to come get me. Massive feet were stomping past on the sidewalk between the little fenced-off garden eating area and the actual wall of businesses that seemed like they were towering skyscrapers blocks away from this height, and I wanted to puke all over again at how heavy they felt even on the concrete. My stomach churned and I couldn’t bring myself to get the spell-word out while I was gagging over the thought that maybe I’d need to find someone, a stranger, to try and talk to to keep me safe until I could get rescued by one of the gang.

I had just gotten the shield spell activated, shoving it back into my pocket with the unactivated speaking-stone as I was determined to not talk to anyone, to not draw any attention to myself whatsoever while I was like this, waiting for my blood to heat up and un-curdle again, when suddenly everything around my chest went tight.

Bone-crushingly tight.

My eyes dropped down from the roofs of the buildings instantly to see fingers across my front as my feet were yanked into the air, kicking and flailing as my lower half was completely free-- dangling with a thumb pressing painfully into my back.

I screamed.

I screamed, and whatever was behind me let out a squealing screech of delight so loud I went temporarily deaf in both ears. 

I was being flung around, up and down in wide arcs as the squealing noise continued, barely fading back in as my hearing came back and was blasted away again by another insane bout of noise. The grip tightened again and the fingers shifted up against my neck as I almost slipped in another wild shake. My vision was nothing but colors and stars, the stone keeping my bones from breaking but everything still hurt.

My only reaction was to throw my face forward and bite, and bite hard.

The reaction was instant. The fucker screamed so loud every bone in my body vibrated to the point I was worried my joints would just fall apart, and my eyes shook-- not that they were any good to me in the moment before that-- but my body hit the ground from what felt like falling off the roof of a house, and I had no time to actually care about how badly I might be hurt. Feet and hands pushed me off of the ground and I scrambled as fast I could manage, practically on all fours for the first half of it, running toward the safety of the bush.

My eyes glanced behind as my hearing started to come back through the most intense ringing I’d ever had, my whole head throbbing-- my whole body throbbing-- and saw the frankly massive child clutching it’s finger while it wailed, tears streaking down it’s face as its mother swept in like a moving building to see what had happened. I turned back to the bush and dove into the leaves and branches, the bluntly-cut ends of wood jabbing into my body as I tried desperately to scratch my way inside to almost no effect.

I tasted blood. I had no idea if it was mine, or if I had managed to actually hurt the kid.

How the fuck could this happen?! I had the stone activated, the kid shouldn’t have fucking seen me, shouldn’t have even noticed me after it was on. God, unless the kid had heard my phone going off and was already watching when it all happened… fuck.

There was a searing pain against my leg that I finally clued into as air was finally going back in and out of my lungs, my stupid battered body trying to wriggle around this bush to get completely out of the child’s view, but from the stupid babbling it was making I was terrified-- I knew it was going to try and come back and look for me. The searing pain was literally that-- searing. The protection stone was so hot I almost thought it might be burning me, it must not be meant to work that hard, that fast.

It was cooling, at least, but still-- now I was terrified of how much of it’s charge that stupid kid had used trying to fling me around like garbage. My chest was heaving, and all my brain kept telling me to do was run, and run as far as I could. A gap finally opened in the overly-manicured branches, a tight tunnel of sharp and poking twigs twisted around that looked like they came out the other side near the bottom of one of the street-side trash cans. I might be able to fit under that, if I could get there fast enough.

The thumping and rumbling of footsteps all around me-- someone was dragging their steel chair across the bricks just alongside the stupid topiary-divider I was trying to scramble my way through like a rat and it cut through the other ringing in my ears like something was jamming dentistry tools inside my skull-- was enough to make me want to vomit again. I was doing a good job at holding that back until I finally broke free of the bush and moved to make a dart for the cover of the trashcan, my sleeve snagged on one of the jagged-cut branches I had pushed past.

“Come on just let me go!” I screamed, turning to yank at it before a rush of air caused me to yell again, ducking and pressing myself back into the greenery while another insane amount of noise rocked my world so hard it knocked the wind out of me.

“Fuckin’ hell, you can’t aim for shit,” a booming voice laughed mockingly as another voice so deep I felt my ribcage vibrate swore back at him. I had almost been crushed by an empty glass bottle, and my thoughts that I was ‘soooooo lucky’ it hadn’t shattered evaporated into my panicked grunting and yelling as I tried to claw my way back into the bush, legs and feet suddenly stepping around the corner and a colossal hand practically slammed down on top of the bottle to grab it.

The leaves and whole bush shifted as the towering body crashed into it sideways, and I shut my eyes, forcing my body as much as I physically could back against the blunt and jabbing ends of the branches that were refusing me entry back into the cover and safety of the stupid plant. The two gigantic idiots were getting into a shoving-match and I was maybe seconds away from getting stepped on, my teeth gritting through the ringing, the pounding, the throbbing of every single part of my head and a significant amount of my body.

“Fuck off ya moron,” one of them shouted and as quickly as they had been there they were gone, their footsteps thudding further and further away as they kept bantering in their rumbling voices. My eyes opened again and I gasped for air.

I hate this. Why did I fucking do this? It wasn’t worth it.

The thought of that massive, unknown hand grabbing me instead of that bottle pushed me over the edge, and I hurled up what little was left in my guts into the bushes again. That fancy coffee probably wasn’t a huge help to my nerves right now, but I was still sad to feel like it had all gone to waste, especially with the thought that I was never going to be able to get one again.

Someone was getting up from a seat in the restaurant area-- god how huge was this place?! It felt like I had been running for miles, for fuck’s sake! As their chair scraped across the ground again I saw them gathering up their trash and turning in my direction, my body scrambling on some primal urge to get out of any potential line of sight. I had no trust now that the stupid invisibility stone was working, or had ever worked. My eyes closed again out of some childish fucking instinct to believe that if I couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see me, and I just had to tremble and try not pathetically cry as their steps got closer and closer and I heard the ridiculous amount of noise of them tossing their garbage away.

Their movements had stopped. Nothing was happening. I had to have been spotted, I must’ve been-- I could hardly hear anything over the sounds of my own breathing now turning into panicked whimpers as I could practically feel them crouching low, staring at me, reaching a hand toward my body to grab me and haul me into the air. I bit my lip so hard I was sure I was bleeding as I imagined that child again, thrashing me around and throwing me through the air.

Then, with a massive wave of relief, they were thumping and stomping away, their voice rumbling into me as they spoke something into their phone, a buzzing conversation coming through the earpiece somewhere high, high above me.

I untangled myself from the bush and lined up alongside it, crouching low. I was so dizzy… would the stone protect me from a concussion? I really should’ve gotten more details about the charms, but I was so nervous about being in there and-- fuck, there’s no time to think about this.

The store directly across from me-- was it the restaurant? Was it another store entirely? How far had I been thrown or flung or whatever had happened? How far had I run? It didn’t matter-- it had a slight outcropping of its brick face, where the main window was, and it left a little protected overhang above the street at least twice my height by the looks of it. There was some garbage that had been blown underneath and seemed pretty well protected from sight and everything else. I get there, I duck and cover and hide. 

I was finally hauling my phone out of my pocket to send a geo-lock to Cal, when the massive bush behind me started to shake, the voice of the child and its mom having gotten closer. Was the kid still looking for me? Was the mom looking for whatever rat or bug just bit their kid? I bolted, it was the only move I could really make. They wouldn’t see me over there, they wouldn’t be able to catch me. 

I was so preoccupied with them, that I was blasting my way across the gargantuanly-wide sidewalk before I realized that I didn’t account for traffic. A foot slammed down to my left about 20 feet away--to me--, not close enough to worry about but heavy enough to shake me and cause me to yell as I kept running, weaving uselessly… No one lifts their feet enough to miss me, everybody is always nearly scuffing their shoes. I’m constantly at risk of getting bodied by hovering cars and I never noticed before now.

I couldn’t bring my eyes to move anywhere but my goal, even though I knew I was basically running across a 12-lane highway or something stupid. They were all moving so fast, all I had to do was get across this stupid sidewalk, under that ledge, and I’d be fine. Nothing would be able to hit me there, nothing could fall on me… that was it, that’s where I had to go.

I felt a foot land so close behind me I almost stumbled, my hands falling forward to push myself off the pavement and try to fling me forwards, my phone bonking off of the pavement in its case and I didn’t even care as I just held it tighter and kept running. I was so fucking close.

There was a rush of air and, on its own, my head turned to see a foot slam down with such force I felt almost like I was sent hovering from the shock it sent through the pavement. The motion of what it was attached to was so much faster, the shape so different-- I never thought of what someone would even look like while they were running from down here, when they were damn-near 60 feet tall or something.

There was nothing I could do.

My own stride had me lined up directly in the path.

The top of their shoe, the rubber-cased toe, the laces… it smashed into me and knocked every ounce of breath I may have ever taken out of my lungs, and I was pressed into it so hard I thought I’d become a part of it.

Until, suddenly…

…I wasn’t.

My arms uselessly tried to grip it, beyond the last second, noticing too late what was happening as the shoe started to lower out from under me but I was still going, arcing through the air. The stone in my pocket really, honestly felt like it was burning this time, and as I sailed through some kind of railing, the ground dropped out from under me. Now, instead of being maybe 10-15 feet in the air, I was probably 40 or more over the concrete stairwell I had flown into, rapidly descending.

I’m sure I was screaming. I must’ve been, because some kind of noise in me stopped as my back slammed into stone and I felt the hot rock in my pocket shatter against me like it had exploded, the only thing keeping it from flying out like shrapnel being the lining and my jeans. 

It was like a stupid movie, everything in slow motion as I was plastered against that wall, gravity slowly pulling my limp body forward. As my eyes landed hazily on the ground below, bare concrete surrounded by trash bags and garbage, my phone fell out of my hand.

The last thing I thought before everything went black was:

Will my body stay this small once I’m dead? Will they ever find it?

-----------

Next Chapter: Click Here

[aria0fgold]

Late night shower thoughts gave me a potential Omari AU idea cuz I was playing around with the ideas of the gang's creativity which led to a cute lil thought of Sunny telling his friends bout his ideas, especially Mari and Basil. And that thought led me to a what if scenario like, Mari writing down and practically just clinging onto the creative ideas Sunny told her when he was alive.

AND THAT SCENARIO, led me to the AU idea. Omari but Sunny died during the argument. Hero saw it, they called 911, oh no Sunny died. Mari was too shaken up to say anything so Hero covered for her by telling everyone that Sunny fell by himself on accident.

Funeral happened and Mari still hasn't gotten over her little brother's death and something in her just s n a p p e d (it's her sanity honestly) So she just threw herself to her studies and something else, aka working on bringing Sunny's creative ideas to life by making DOLLS! Oh wow she even made one of Sunny too. There's a little stage as well, and a little house, practically the other side of the bedroom is filled with a mini lil stuff for the dolls. She is not okay. But hey she at least found a way to balance between her studies and creating her lil personal project cuz one time she fainted and that was a HUGE waste of time! Better not faint again!

It also won't be any good if Sunny saw his sister acting so differently! Better keep her smile and perfect sister image in tact! Sunny is still here, see? He's in the bed sleeping with his other little friends. Keep quiet! Don't wanna wake him up, Mari will be studying in her corner.

Hero knows the truth and is also going through it. Internal battle of whether he should tell the others the truth or not but it isn't Mari's fault! He didn't lie, it was an accident definitely. He also semi threw himself to his studies too but also not really fully cuz he gotta be there for the others. He is also not okay.

Aubrey and Basil has each other. Yeah, neither of them didn't become delinquents! I just think that, considering Sunny's death wasn't covered, Basil would be semi-understanding of Mari as someone who tries to take on her same role as caretaker. But there IS definitely something they're still missing about Sunny's death, Mari is acting way too weird.

Kel keeps everyone's morale up still which is not a good thing for the boy! Hero looks tired 24/7, Mari barely talks to them cuz she's so busy with school and whenever she does it's just unnerving cuz why does she act like everything is okay? Also why does she always carry a doll that looks so much like Sunny. They aren't allowed inside their house anymore either and Mari once got angry when Kel tried to go up the stairs! But it'll be alright if he tries to follow her too right? Mari was the glue of the group so if she's acting the same then he should too! Gotta cheer everyone up!

So basically it's an Omari AU with an unhinged Mari that acts like Sunny's still alive featuring tired Hero, Kel burying his feelings even more, Aubrey doesn't like what's happening, and Basil has a lot of questions. And it's also an AU that I don't think I can put that much attention to so I'm just throwing it out here. (pls... i made it a rule for myself that all the aus i make should have omori but no matter how much i twist and turn and flip this au i dont think i can fit omori in fam, without sunny its impossible to do orz)

[lunarheslwt]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2022

I was tagged by @larrysballetslippers , @neondiamond and @hellolovers13 to do a little writing check. I've been writing fics since 2014 at least but only this consistently this year and hoping to do the same in the coming year! Anyways here we go

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 8, and hoping to get one more out!

2. Word count posted for the year: 74,040 which is insane for ME

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction only

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos : Breathe me in, breathe me out (625)

Bookmarks: Breathe me in, breathe me out (268)

Comments: Breathe me in, breathe me out (41)

More under the cut:

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):  I'm most proud of breathe me in. It's my first fic that has been over 10k, which was huge for me. The idea for that came to me as a very random spark and I was driven to write it bc I felt like it'd be special. And it was. It did really well and so many told me it was a comfort read which is the highest compliment in my eyes. I also think it's a pretty good fic.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): hmm. I truly don't have a least proud of, but if I were to rank them, it'd be dip you in honey. I still think it's good, sweet and a little funny. I do wonder though if it got a little repetitive at times, or if I overdid the concept. Still, I do love her dearly.

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

This is a comment I got on Breathe me in, breathe me out:

I was having a truly shitty time, slipping into a shit bout of anxiety when I started reading this as a distraction and I'm soo glad I did. Having finished it, I'm feeling soo much better and like I'm starting to come out of it. Thank you soo much for this wonderful comforting fic. Sending you loads of love. xx

Just knowing that something I wrote could be of comfort to someone when they needed it?? The bestest thing I've ever been told. It means so much to me. But also literally every comment on my works make me cry a little.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly? Though I've difficult moments with all my fics, the one I struggled with is my Christmas fic, here where you should be. Only bc I was drowning in work, and unexpectedly found myself with no time to write. Or the energy when I did have time. With an extension though I did manage and it's my longest fic and I'm very proud of her, and proud of me for pulling through.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I can't say any has surprised me yet. But I think the entirety of my pwp, all work and some play, was a little surprising. Bc before that I'd only posted one pwp and it wasn't very good. And suddenly it's a 6k smut. Filthy filthy smut. It kept getting out of hand and I was just shocked that I wrote all of that 😭

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

It’s hard to pick, but I like this passage from ‘Curves of your lips’

The prince obliged like a puppet whose strings had been cut, dropping to his knees in one fluid motion. His head was bowed in a reverence that came easy to him- familiar -, a bejewelled crown perched delicately amongst immaculate curls. His hands found their place on his thighs, content, if not for the merest of twitches. With his bowed back, compliant silence, and eyes that lowered respectfully; he was a perfect picture of submission and trust. He deserved to be captured by Michelangelo, right at this moment, but alas, Louis found himself to be possessive of pretty things. And Harry was, by far, his most ethereal and dear possession. Made sweeter only because he allowed himself to be.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Me consistently writing has been the biggest change this year. Before this year, I just occasionally wrote the odd fic here and there. But I’ve posted one fic a month since May this year. I also think I started being able to write longer fics (for me!!), more descriptive, and leaning into my ideas instead of worrying they won’t work. I’ve just said fuck it and written whatever I wanted. I’ve also gotten comfortable with writing smut; 3 very explicit pwps and one currently being written when I’ve never even properly written one before; turns out its really fun. So really, growth all around I think!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’m hoping I write longer fics! Without being afraid it’ll suck. Hoping I’ll grow in my skills, style etc. I’m also hoping I’ll get comfortable with my writing enough to have a beta or two per work; rn I’m not nearly confident enough but I’ll get there! I’m just excited to write more!

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

My motivation and positive influence comes first of all from all the other amazing writers in our fandom; y’all are incredible. To all my moots here, on tumblr and anyone who has ever said a single nice thing about any work anywhere: you have done so much for me and me confidence in my work like I can’t explain. A lot of thanks goes out to my best friend for often listening to me whine, my ideas, my snippets. And my friends who read my work: you’re gems! And lastly but not the least, everyone in the @1d-library discord; I’ve loved being a part of the channel and every single person in there is endlessly inspiring to me.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Oh all the time. Not sure if its a rule that you shouldn’t put yourself into your writing but I will be breaking it if it is. Sometimes it’s accidental; like Harry in Here where you should be feels a little like me. Or my love of candles solely driving Breathe me in, including my favourite scents ending up being used as the scents for my alpha and omega characters. Its everywhere; my favorite songs, movies etc etc as little flowers I press into the pages of my fics.

16. Any wisdom you can share with other writers

Lord idk if I’m qualified enough lmaooo. But really, and its been said tons, but, write what you want. The reason I’ve written so much this year is bc I stopped overthinking it a little and just started writing the ideas I got. Also external validation is totally okay and if you need a little motivation, get a cheerleading beta!! And your work is almost always, like actually most likely always way way way better than whatever you may think of it in moments of spiralling, trust me.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Yes! Fics for the omega harry fest and top harry fest. Other fests I wanna sign up for. Incredibly excited by my wips, especially the feral alpha au I’ve been debating doing for the 1d a/b/o fest. The service kink fic I plan on doing next! This is the most ideas/wips I’ve had ever so its a LOT but also very very exciting.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read:

I know some have already done this, but I forget who, so ignore if you have already done this, or don’t wanna do this! I’m tagging: @alwaysxlarrie @brightgolden @allwaswell16 @onlythebravest and @louandhazaf

This felt like the vogue questions for writers lmaooo idc if no one reads this was very fun to do! Happy writing and advance happy new years y’all!

[nopudgeplease]

November 26, 2022

Right, so I last wrote on this blog two years ago, in the heart of the pandemic and coincidentally, when my heart decided it had enough of my bullshit and started showcasing the high blood pressure my parents passed down to me.

I’m better, for the most part. The main updates concerning my mental health are 1.) I eat now 2.) I went to therapy, went to antidepressants, went off antidepressants, went back on them, and back off again. Both are positive things that I can attribute to a few factors, but I’m not going to write another cheesy list in this monologue. To sum it up, I moved back to school, aka began living alone, and had to deal with feeding myself, with the added challenge of doing so, but on my own coin. With the help and presence of friends, I’ve been able to somewhat regulate my eating. I bounce between bouts of extreme motivation and eat 3 square meals a day, and back down to 2 larger meals that somehow make me feel better (in terms of my ED) and worse (also, in terms of my ED). (Not sure if that makes sense, but it does to me!)

So, I’m eating now. I’ve fallen deeply into the body neutrality movement. It makes sense, to honor one’s body and to base it’s worth on how it functions rather than how it’s perceived. I can’t lie, though. I still bodycheck in every mirror. I still weigh myself multiple times a week. I still suck in my stomach as far as it’ll hold whenever I lay down, just to see if I can feel my ribs a little better. I weigh heavier than I ever have in my life.

It hurts, hoping and wishing that you’ve made progress, regarding my ED (and ironically, honoring my ED and regarding my body), and knowing you’re different now, but realizing that it all still boils down to the same few tricks that your mind is used to.

There’s honestly not much more that I can say about it, other than my loathing has basically subdued. It’ll never be gone, not unless I somehow get the body I’ve always wanted to be in. But it’s dulled. Whatever thoughts I had in the past are still being have-d, but that’s not to say I haven’t improved.

In other news, I have a partner for the first time in my life. They’re good, really good, in fact, sometimes so good that I don’t understand where all this good is coming from. (I’m not saying that they’re perfect, I’m just saying that they’re different.) (Bonus points if you know where that’s from.) (Never thought I’d be the type of person to write notes to themselves like this but, we are who we are.) (Bonus points if you got that reference.)

Anyways, being in love feels simultaneously like the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the worst. Obviously I’m exaggerating, it’s all mostly good. But now I live in fear that I’ll never be good enough because this other person’s opinion, who just a year ago was, for all intents and purposes, a stranger, now means more to me than my own god damn opinion does. Not that their opinion would ever stray from mine, because now those are intertwined as well. The good greatly, greatly outweighs the bad, though. I can’t lie. I’m happy.

And here comes the drama. Drumroll … drrrrrrrrr…. the drama is that I think I’ll never fully heal. It seems like everything is improving, and for the most part, it is and I am grateful. But it’s like a never ending spiral, of hatred towards my body fueling my suicidal tendencies, which then results in me vastly increasing/decreasing my intake of food, which leads to my weight gain/metabolism slowing/weight gain again, and back and forth, and back and forth. I don’t know what to do. I’m able to process information in much healthier ways now, so things like exercising don’t trigger me as much. Atleast, it doesn’t make me feel like I’m doing it to die. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel like I’m at a stalemate. Everything feels right and good but I still hurt so bad sometimes that I can only imagine something must be out of place.

My thoughts always, always, always boil down to, “I want to be skinny.” And it makes me sick to my stomach, but I don’t think it will ever change for me.

Not sure how to end this on a non-sad note. But I will say this. Every night I get to haul my ass into a warm bed, and even if it’s on the god-awful soft mattress that makes my entire body sink in and makes me sleep so limp that I wake up and can’t sit upright because my waist has been unsupported all night, even if I’m sleeping on the flat, blanket-thin, floppy pillows at my partner’s place that get hot within seconds and do nothing for my neck, even if I step on rabbit shit on my way to the bathroom every night, I get to be held by someone I love, and it feels really nice to be loved, and I am really, really lucky.

Another shout into the void, complete! :)

[hime-memes]

                         • Into The Spider Verse Soundtrack Starters • 

I was re-watching this movie the other night & remembered how good the soundtrack was. Here we are today, with a set of lyric starters ! Enjoy ! 

                   - Click the Song Titles to be redirected to a youtube™ video of them. –       As always: These have been modified for cohesive and sensical use for the general RPC. Feel free to change anything within these that you see fit to make it work for the receiver’s muse !     Recommended For: Any Muses/Plots/Timelines.

Trigger Warnings For: Violence & some mild language

‘ Elevate ‘ “ I had to get out all alone. “  " I’ll figure it out on my own. “ “ I know what I really want now. “ “ ... And now I see clear in HD ! “ “ I ain't got time to waste. “ “ They wanna fight ? I'm just gon' let 'em hate. “ “ You better choose a side -- ! “ “ You gotta choose a side ! “  “ You better do what's right, or you’re gonna lose the fight ! “ “ This is my arena ! “ “ I'm the black widow with a bad stinger -- “  “ I'll make you scream like a bad singer. “ “ I'm everything that you wanna be, plus more ! “ “ ... Since there's no heroes anymore ... “ “ Who’s the bad man that a man gotta bash on ? “ “ They will slander me -- I just plan to be somethin' powerful for my family. “ “ I tried to balance life and my sanity. “ “ How can I possibly act right ? “ “ I know you heard 'bout my last fight ! “ “ ‘ Cause I win, over and over again ! “ “ Fightin' my demons; I'm nice for a reason. “ “ My strength and my honor is trusted by children. “ “ I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains ... “ “ No chaos or killings -- my style is so brilliant ! “  “ I may have lost the battle, but I will not lose the war ! “  “ And, I did everything that I did on my own. “ “ Better talk to me nice; better watch your tone ! “  ‘ Way Up ‘ “ I went from boy to a man. “  “ My opposition had to stand down. “ “ ... And I had to make a perfect plan. “ “ I had to fight for the city. “ “ I had to fight for the people ! “ “ You gotta do what all leaders do ... “ “ Everyone here ? We believe in you ! “ “ We know you can be a hero, 'cause we’ve seen you do it ! “ “ Now, there's no villains allowed. “ “ The competition was lethal ! “ “ Honestly, it's no biggie. “ “ I had to do what all leaders do. “ ‘ Familia ‘ “ Father, father, unforgivable -- “ “ This is my house; you made it personal. “ “ It's always trouble when they go too far -- “ “ Nobody mention my familia. “ “ Father, father, could you bless his soul ? “ “ He’s talking crazy, I may lose control ! “ “ La lealtad vale más que el dinero ! “ // “ Loyalty is worth more than money ! “  “ Y yo me vo' a morir leal y nunca como un traicionero ... “ // “ And I'm going to die loyal and never as a treacherous ... “ “ Yo hasta doy la vida por mi familia ! “ // “ I’ll even give my life for my family ! “ “ ... Y que en paz descansen los que se mueren de envidia ... “ // “ ... And may those who die of envy, rest in peace ... “ “ Y en la familia no se falla, pero si te traicionan ... “ // “ and in the family you don't fail, but if they betray you ... “ “ No les das la espalda, tú lo ayuda' y perdona'. “ // “ You don't turn your back on them, you help him, ' and forgive '. “ La familia primero. ” // “ Family First. “ “ No lo compra el dinero ! “ // “ Money don't buy it ! “ “ Real hasta la muerte -- ! “ // “ Real until death ! “ “ Yo nunca vo' a traicionarte ... “ // “ I will never betray you ... “ “ Y si tú te cae yo mismo vo' a levantarte. “ // “ And if you fall ? I myself will get up ... “ ” Nobody pop off; nobody get murked ! “ “ Nobody scream, it'll prolly get worse ... “ “ Now I'm the curse -- this is my terse. “ “ Before I kill 'em, Imma torture them first ! “ " You about to need a prayer from a preacher. “ “ Eye of the tiger, faster than a cheetah -- ! “ “ Hop out the spider, then it's hasta la vista ! “ “ Now you’re a dead man for real. “ ‘ Hide ‘ ” Need a drink ? “ “ Really think I found my home -- Shorty make me feel at home. “ “ She made me leave the thrills at home & I'm fine with it ... “ “ She really made me lose control. “ “ Imma let my love unfold. “ “ We're just two lost souls, but we're fine with it. “ “ There's love at my front door ... short notice ! “ “ You're not like the same girls, I notice. “ “ Think I met my soul mate, and yeah -- I know it. “  “ When it gets dark outside; In you I confide. “ “ You help me face my demons. “ “ I won't hide ... “ “ Girls like you are hard to find ! “  “ I hope you don't mind, If I give you the time of your life ! “  “ Life is not the same -- “ “ Now that you're here ? I want nothing to change ! “  “ You pick me up when I'm down, look - I need you around. “ “ You’ve seen me through my darkest times ... “ “ You brought meaning to my life ! “ “ All because of you, I do right. “ “ Because of you, I have a purpose ! “ “ I fight for the world, because you're worth it. “ ‘ Scared of the Dark ‘ ” I'm not scared of the dark. “ “ No, I'm not afraid of the fall ... “ “ I'm not scared, not at all !  “  “ Why would a star ever be afraid of the dark ? “  “ I ain't never scared & I ain't never horrified. “ “ I just looked down at my Rolex, it said it's the darkest times. “ “ I ain't never terrified, I ain't never petrified. “  “ You know I see dead people, I just tell 'em, ‘ Get a life ‘ ! " “ Let me testify. “ “ I have never testified. “ “  I'm married to my pride. “  “ I got eyes like marbles; if I cry -- they sparkle ! “ “ You know I can read your mind like I'm the author. “ “ Take a deep sigh, it’s a sayōnara, I ain't afraid to die ... “ ” Okay, put my heart to the side. “ “ In my feelings, hey - let's ride. “ “ ‘ That’s my baby ! ‘, Boy, you crazy ! “  “ If only you count the tears I've cried ... “ “ A million times, I swear I've died ! “ “ I'm trying, but it's still not right -- “ ‘ Memories ‘ “ My memories came back in the form of someone else. “ “ I know this feelin', yes, I know this very well ! “  “ Why won't you love me now ? “ “ It's gon' take some gettin' used to. “ “ You feel the pain when it hits you. “ “ Don't you ever let them fool you ! “ “ ' Cause I know, that you know, that it ain't true. “ “ I learned the hard way about trust ... about us. “ “ We're not so stable anymore. “ “ What's left if I give you my all ? “ “ You stepped over me like a sidewalk. “ “ That's your loss ! “  “ You self-destruct and I watch. “ “ I can't deal with ya. “ “ I finally had enough. “

‘ Home ‘ “ I'm at war with their enforcement. “ “ Tryna fight for what's right and got sidetracked ... “ “ Where is your mind at ? ... ( Never mind that ! ) “  “ I stay with my brethren & pay for protection. “ “ I'm doing what's right and not askin' no questions. “ " I'm ready and waitin' for my day of salvation. “ “ I’m right where I belong now. “ “ They're looking for saviors. “ “ I'm looking for safety. “ “ I'm never gon' beg or plead. “ “ Say it out loud: Are you ready for war ? “ ‘ Start a Riot ‘ ” Who in here tryna start a riot ? “ “ That ain't no flyin' saucer ... “ “ You better just fix your posture ! “ “ And every hero needs his theme song, so -- “ “ You ain't got a chance, boy ... “ “ I thrown in everything but the kitchen sink ! “ “ I try to be friendly in the neighborhood. “ “ ... And here you come, all bargin' in ! “ “ ... All ugly like a brown fur cardigan ... “  “ I'm comin' through with my crew to make 'em pay ! “  “ I don't need no super suit, I'm feelin' brave ! “  “ Don't be a hero -- turn around & walk away ... “  “ Every day is like a sticky situation, when evil's lookin' for a chance ... “   “ We got the power in our hands ! “  ‘ Invincible ‘ “ I wanna feel like I can't come down ! “  “ I got a dream so I can't stop now. “  “ I gotta stop feeling invisible -- and start feeling invincible ! “  “ The hardest thing is believing in your dreams ... “  “ I feel like a stranger to myself, and sometimes that feels dangerous. “ “ ... But, I'll bet you'll see me for who I truly am. “  “ Some days I look in mirrors, and I wonder who's that man ... “  ” When your fear's near, you don't wanna get closer ! “  ‘ Let Go ‘  ” Sometimes I don't really know myself. “ “ Devil’s on my back, pray for me -- I need help. “ “ An angel’s in the front tryna guide my steps. “  “ Who do you call when you need some help ? “ “ Who do you call when you by yourself ? “ “ Who do you call when you feel down low ? “ “ I just wanna scream -- I just wanna explode ! “  “ I got a devil on my left & a angel on my right. “ “ I'm just tryna live my life; You know I'm just hangin' in the fight. “  “ Violence in the streets: I just wanna calm the beast ! “  “ All these problems I'm just fightin' with myself are enemies. “  “ I'm looking for my happiness now. “ ‘ Sunflower ‘ ” Needless to say; I keep her in check ! “  “ Callin' it quits now ? Baby, I'm a wreck ... “  “ Crash at my place -- Baby, you're a wreck. “ “ Someone took a big ‘ L ‘; Don't know how that felt ! “  “ Lookin' at you sideways, party on tilt ... “  “ Some things you just can't refuse. “ “ She wanna ride me like a cruise & I'm not tryna lose ! “ “ ... Then, you're left in the dust. “  “ I think your love would be too much. “  “ You don't make it easy -- no. “ “ Wish I could be there for you ! “  “ Every time I'm walkin' out, I can hear you tellin' me to turn around ... “ “ Fightin' for my trust & you won't back down ... “ “ Even if we gotta risk it all right now ? “ “ I know you're scared of the unknown & you don't wanna be alone ... “ “ I know I always come and go ... but, it's out of my control. “ ‘ What’s Up Danger ‘ ” Two-thousand surroundin' us. “  “ You’d travel two-thousand kilometers to hang out with us ?! “  “ What's up, danger ? “ “ Ayy, gettin' old; they doubted us ! ( Makes it that more marvelous. ) “ “' Cause I like high chances that I might lose. “ “ I'm insane, but on my toes -- I could keep the world balanced on my nose. “ “ I had a slumber party wit' all my foes. “  “ Now, I wear 'em like a badge of honor on all my clothes. “ “ If I'm crazy, I'm on my own. “ “ If I'm waitin', it's on my throne. “ “ If I sound lazy; just ignore my tone ! “ “ Mama was always askin', ‘ Where did I go wrong ’ ?! " “ I like it when trouble brews, I won't dare change ! “ “ I like it when there's turbulence on my airplanes. “  “ I like it when I sense things that I can't see yet ... “ ‘ Save the Day ‘ “ I pull up and save the day. “  “ How could I forget ? “  “ It takes some courage to bet. “ “ That must be why you’re in debt. “ “ You take the bait and get caught in the net ! “  “ Evil will never prevail, suckers ! “  “ What is real will never fail to prosper. “ “ All of these people sayin' that they want the treasure ? “ “ Careful of the wishes you make up on your blessings. “ “ Because the devil in you is plottin' against you ... “ “ ... And you'll find that your worst enemy is within you. “ “ It's me & my friends & I know that they got me ! “ “ Got no fear in my heart 'cause I know that I'm brave. “ “ Never gave up, kept my head in the game ! “ “ If you ever get lost, then I'll come back and find you ! “ “ On a bad day, a villain can't defeat me -- “ “ Everybody gotta fear when there's combat. “

[ambiguouswren]

So I have a lot of feelings about what this New year already has in store for me and I've been trying to figure out somewhere to go to vent this all out and this honestly feels like the safest place right now.

So I have a colleague that from time to time sends me job listings he thinks are relevant to my interest in the world of theatre and prop work because he saw first hand how in my element I was when I worked under him as a fabricator at Ohio Light Opera. And unfortunately most of them have been like...Texas which is a HARD NO from me. But on December 5th he sent me the listing for this prop artisan job in New Jersey. Full Time. Benefits. PTO. And the best pay I've seen for this position to DATE in my hunting. So of course I got super anxious cuz it asked for a cover letter and did nothing about it for nearly two weeks even though I mentioned it to people and thought about it a lot. Then I wrote up my cover letter. Made sure my website and resume were updated and sent it over 2 days before Xmas eve. The woman emailed me back within two hours of sending that email. She said I seemed like a well rounded artisan and she wanted to have a chat with me. It was supposed to be the 28th but she had some issues over the holiday season and we had to reschedule for the 4th at 1pm. And like...while the time to get over my initial bout of imposter syndrome and getting more time to figure out what I will try to say during the interview has been great, it's also been literally one of the only things on my mind since that first email. I want this job you guys. I don't care how hard it would be to uproot my life and move 1100 miles to a northern climate I'm not accustomed to. I want this. This job would allow me to financially afford to live. I could get an apartment (with a co-signer) for myself. I'd be able to pursue my hobbies. I'd be close to NYC which would mean SO MUCH for my cosplay work. It would literally change my life for the better if I can land this job. If I don't....I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm so tired of struggling but I refuse to give up on the career I KNOW is right for me. So if you're reading this any positive energy, praying, manifesting would be SO very much appreciated. I want this win so badly and I will do whatever it takes to get it. I just need them to give me a chance and know I can prove to them that they made the right choice betting on some nonbinary nerd from Florida. (Also this theatre is beautiful. The work they do is so good. Once all this is over, one way or another, I'll share its name.) Here's to hoping. Universe. 2023. Please. I've been working so hard.

[toehwa6]

I’m crying I’m dreaming I’m running

Im running AWAY

Im running AWAY

Im running AWAY

Where oh where will I go

Imagine going somewhere where it always felt good

Would it really be that good without the bad

I learned I’m not a hedonist the other day. Turns out I’m an idiot lol

I def have hedonistic tendencies like with drugs and cumming and stuff, but I’m much too reserved and long term goal oriented

Even the updated shit just seems fucking stupid

Of course I’m trying to remember their arguments but unfortunately I’m also stupid

But the whole idea of everything is about pleasure is fucking stupid

Oh I think I remember

Instead of getting turnt %100 of the time, you should enjoy life’s “good” qualities

Like good wine and stories and conversations between all your stupid fucking friends

Cynics are fucking stupid too I guess I’m a stoic which sucks because if I say that it’ll sound like I’m sucking my own dick and or balls

How bout this bitch I’m hearing about has to blow this guy that hates her and he’s like when you blow me I need you to put all of my cock and both balls in your mouth

And I’m not fucking joking she was like yeah I really don’t like it but it’s what he wants

You gotta do, what you gotta do

But like dawg how is that even good it has to be like a humiliation/domination thing

I got my dick sucked real good recently. Was fucking TOP

Came from a bj for the first time ever. I thought I was IMMUNE

Do I feel better? I don’t think so

I honestly think I’m getting too high

Unfortunately right hehehe

I wouldn’t stop talking about Valium to my therapist today

He’s like why are you getting a new ortho? Besides more Valium

And I was like

Unfortunately, that is why I’m getting a new doctor

Actually fuck that I’m getting a new doctor because the one I’ve had forever totally FUCKED me he FUCKED me so FUCKING HARD

I HAVE TO LEARN ABOUT MY BACK PROBLEMS FROM PT PEOPLE AND YOUTUBE VIDEOS ??

FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKED ME YOU FUCKED ME HOLY SHIT

3 FUCKING YEARS

WASTED. REGRESSION. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS

FUCK YOU, FUCK AHN, FUCK YOU MAKING ME THINK YOU WERE MY FRIEND AND CARES

YOURE NOTHING BUT MONEY TO THESE FUCKING PEOPLE

THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU

STAMP AND GET THE FUCK OUT HERES SOME PILLS IF YOU NEED THEM SEE YOU IN SIX MONTHS

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

IM FUCKED

MY LIFE IS OVER

I HATE BEING ALIVE FUCK FUCK FUCK

At least you won’t be in a wheelchair

At least you get to see your family

At least you get to follow your fucking dreams

GO HOME AND RELAX

LEAVE WORK AT WORK

WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOURE RUINING LIVES

YOURE NOTHING BUT CANCER

Cancercancercanerparasiteparasiteparasite

Fuck AHN fuck doctors fuck that asshole that assaulted my fucking gf on her trip

I fucking hate EVERYONE

I wish could FUCKING DIE

I HATE BEING ALIVE

LISTEN TO ME SCREAM

LISTEN TO MY CRIES

AM I HUMAN BEING

OR SOMEONE MADE OF LIES

IMLYINGIMLYINGIMLYING

TOEVERYONEEVERYONEEVERYONE

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Hit or miss

I guess they never miss huh

Can’t wait to lose 30 pounds so I can cosplay and wear a fucking dress finally

Can’t wait to fucking feel pretty

Tiffany shit only goes so far for feeling pretty

It definitely makes me feel pretty when I look at it tho

I fucking hate myself