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wizkiddx · 3 years

Note

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

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read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

#tom x reader #tom holland fic #tomholland #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #famous!reader #tom holland x famous!reader #tom holland x actress!reader #harry holland

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illfoandillfie · 3 years

Text

A Different Kind of Education: I Is For Impact Play (Chapter 8)

ADKoE MASTERLIST

Pairing: Professor!Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Series Summery: After being broken up with for not being kinky enough, Reader seeks out her professor to give her some private tutoring so she can win her boyfriend back.

Chapter Summery: A new week and a new lesson, but also a new challenge. How can you possibly find the courage to talk to your professor about your period?

Warnings: Modern AU, smut (18+), slow burn romance, dom/sub dynamics, dom!roger and sub!reader, professor x student sex, dialogue heavy, conversations about and mentions of menstrual cycles/periods, discussions of impact play including: spanking, kicking, slapping, punching, floggers, paddles, crops, whips, and canes

Words: 10,391

A/N: Better late than never, right? Big apologies for taking so long to get this one up! Once again I've had to split a single topic into multiple chapters lmao. This one is mostly the theory part of the lesson and a bit of an info dump, but the next part will focus more on the actual smut.

Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini

@80s-roger @libsterslobsters @okilover02 @cjand10 @dealorgirl32 @youngpastafanmug @onceuponadetectivedemigod

You knew it was something you’d have to deal with eventually, that having your period would affect your lessons with Roger. But still you felt reluctant to broach the topic with him. It wasn’t something you generally discussed with people, especially not your professor (even if you were regularly sleeping with him). And you could already hear the lecture he’d give you about why you shouldn’t be embarrassed to tell your sexual partner about your cycle, and about how he’d taught reproduction enough to not be phased by it. The problem was you weren’t really sure how you felt about having sex during it and you knew even less about whether Roger would want to. You were definitely going to have to talk to him about it, no matter how much you didn’t want to. So, wondering when the best time to bring it up would be, you checked the curriculum he’d written for you. Impact play. That was the topic for the week. Roger might consider you clueless about kink (as you’d learnt during the previous week’s munch), but you at least knew enough to know that impact play meant spanking. For a moment you were distracted from your worries about the conversation you were going to have, rather excited by what you’d just read. Spanking was one of those things you’d been expecting to try. When you thought about BDSM, spanking was the second thing to come to mind after bondage. It was one of those things Dylan had hinted at being into. A couple of times during sex he’d given your arse a slap and, though you’d never really asked for it you also hadn’t told him to stop. He never hit too hard and it added a bit of excitement so there was no harm in it. And you suspected he might be interested in pushing it further if you ever suggested as much. So, to know that Roger was going to run you through the basics of it and show you how it felt, you couldn’t help but be a bit excited. And maybe you’d be able to keep things over the clothes to start and you wouldn’t have to tell Roger about your period after all. The good thing with having an implant was that it reduced the duration of your period. It would have been nice if it stopped it entirely but at least it shortened it and made it a little lighter. So maybe you could organise a second session later in the week for the more hands on part of the lesson, and not have to explain at all. You left your apartment feeling happier and excited to see Roger that night. But you didn’t have to wait so long to see him.

You’d barely taken two steps inside when a familiar voice called out Ms Y/L/N and you found Roger walking towards you, his hand raised in a lazy wave. “Hi Professor,” you smiled, surprised but happy to see him, “I’m just on my way to class, what’s up?” “Oh, in that case,” he glanced over to a group of students ambling past you, “do you have time for a meeting before you leave this afternoon?” Your heart rate sped up at the serious way he looked at you over his glasses, “Umm sure.” “Good. I’ll see you this afternoon then. Don’t forget.” You nodded but a new worry had taken over your mind. There was only one reason he could want to talk to you. Your degree. If it was anything to do with his tutoring sessions then he would have just said it when you got to his place that evening. No, it must be to do with your class work. Maybe something had been wrong with your last exam? Possibilities were turning over in your mind as you resumed your path to your first class, each worse than the other. Maybe you’d misunderstood a question and gotten it completely wrong. Maybe he’d had to fail you. Maybe your overall grade had dropped. Maybe he was going to call the whole tutoring thing off because you’d gotten too distracted and done so badly on your recent assessment. You spent the entire day trying not to get too worked up about it, trying to tell yourself that if your work had slipped even a little he would have called to talk about it earlier, that if it really was as bad as failing his subject you’d have discussed it long before now. By the time your last class of the day ended you were somewhere between terrified about what Roger was going to say and relieved that you were about to find out.

Your hand was shaking as you knocked on Roger’s office door and pushed it open at his word. “AH, Ms Y/L/N, shut the door please and take a seat.” he said, shifting a stack of papers to the side of his desk. It was only once you were sitting that he seemed to look at you properly, “Are you alright? You look a bit pale.” “Professor I’m so sorry, I swear if something was wrong with my last exam then it wasn’t because of our lessons and I promise I’m not letting them distract me at all. I put so much time and effort into studying and if-” “Woah, woah, hang on. No one said anything was wrong.” Your breath caught in your throat and it seemed to take you twice as long as it normally would for you to understand what he’d said, “There’s not? Then....why am I here?” “It’s about tonight’s tutoring session.” “Oh?” “I wondered if you’d be okay making a small change to the plan.” “S-so nothing's wrong with my work?” Roger shook his head, “Your work is impeccable Ms Y/L/N. Sorry, I didn’t realise you’d assume the worst. I had no intention of worrying you like that. I was intending to mention it this morning but you seemed to be in a bit of a rush and I didn’t want anyone to overhear so...” he gestured vaguely towards you with his hands. You let out a relieved chuckle, feeling a weight lift from your shoulders, “What was the change you wanted to make?” “Do you know what we’ll be focusing on this week?” “Impact play, Professor.” “Very good. And do you know what that entails?” “It’s like spanking isn’t it?” “Spanking is definitely part of it, yes.” “Cool. But you’re not wanting to switch topic are you? Only I’ve been kind of looking forward to this one since it’s like proper BDSM stuff....or like, not that other things aren’t I just mean that spanking is part of what I initially imagined, y’know?” Roger held up his hand to quiet you, “I understand what you mean Ms Y/L/N. And it’s not that I want to change the topic, I just wanted to change where the lesson would take place.” “Okay...” you were a little surprised by that. Where else could he have in mind when your lessons were supposed to be secret. “I thought we might have the first lesson here.” “Here?!” “Keep your voice down, Ms Y/L/N. Not here exactly, not this office. In the first-year bio room actually.” “Why? Isn’t that kind of risky? What if someone saw?” Roger shrugged one shoulder, “It might be, but I think what I intend to show you could be covered as a biological experiment. Let me explain,” he said upon seeing your confused face, “So, as you no doubt remember, first years do a lot of dissection of various animals, working their way up to human.” You nodded, remembering hours spent bent over various carcases and cadavers. “Well, I thought it might be beneficial to show you some of the impact play tools we can use, demonstrating how they work and what effects they can have, but I don’t want to demonstrate them on you straight away. Luckily, it just so happens that one of the animals my first years are studying right now is pigs, so I thought we might use a pig carcass instead. Pig and human flesh are quite similar so you should get a decent sense of how being spanked with various tools will look and the impact they would have on your skin. We can compare being spanked by hand to flogging to a crop and so on. All without experiencing any pain at all. Of course, it is a dead pig so it won’t be exactly the same and you probably won’t see the same levels of bruising you would on a living human being, but it’s a good starting point. Plus this way you could try wielding the tools too, so you can get a sense for how they feel to use them and how much force is required to make them work.” You were taken aback by the explanation and had to stop your jaw from falling open as you listened. But Roger waited patiently for you to think it over and you quickly concluded it was a good plan. You could easily write it off as related to your dissertation if anyone saw and asked what was going on. It wasn’t at all related but Roger was about the only person who knew what topic you were researching so no one else would pick up the lie. “Okay then, let’s have the lesson here.” “Excellent. You really don’t mind hanging back?” “Not at all.” “Good. I think we should possibly wait until a little later before we start, just to let the place clear out a bit. Perhaps we could get some dinner and eat it in here before we head down to the room. You can tell me how you’re getting on with your dissertation.” “Okay, I like that idea.” “Shall I duck out and get us some food then? What would you like?”

After what could only be described as a minor argument about the merits of Mexican food, you and Roger eventually settled on a nearby Greek place. He tapped the order into Uber Eats and then went to wait for the delivery out on the street so the driver wouldn’t have to find their way through the numerous carparks and laneways on campus. You ducked out to your own car to drop off your bag full of books, though you kept your laptop to make notes on. It would also make your story seem more legitimate if anyone did stumble onto the lesson and ask what was going on. The thought of the lesson made you smile. Partly because you were keen to learn about the topic but also partly because you knew there was no way sex would be part of it. Roger would definitely draw the line at fucking his student in his classroom where anyone could catch you. And if you were going to be spanking a dead pig then you wouldn’t be asked to remove clothes or anything like that. So you wouldn’t have to discuss your menstrual cycle with Roger at all. You’d just say you were busy until later in the week when your period stopped and organise the follow-up lesson then and Roger wouldn’t be any the wiser. It was perfect. That, in addition to knowing nothing was wrong with your actual schoolwork, put you in a very good mood and you could have whistled with joy as you made your way back to Roger’s office.

By the time you’d finished eating, the sky outside the window had changed from a mix of warm pinks and yellows as the sun set and was gradually darkening the longer you watched. It was only when Roger glanced at his watch and saw that it was a quarter to seven that he decided the building would be empty enough for your lesson to start. He grabbed his own laptop as you grabbed yours and then led you along the corridor and down a set of stairs, taking you towards the back of the building where the hands-on biology lessons were held. Roger made sure the door was shut and locked before dumping his belongings onto a desk. “Can you give me a hand?” he asked, before moving to the door to a walk-in freezer at the back of the room. Together you hoisted a large pig carcass onto a cart and wheeled it out into the main room. Roger then ducked back into the freezer returning, after a little rummaging, with what looked to be a child’s toy crate. It was made of yellow plastic and seemed light enough that Roger had no trouble hoisting it onto one of the desks, but it was not full of children’s toys. You couldn’t see everything immediately but poking out of the top was a long black handle with a leather flap hanging off the end. “Is that what we’ll be using then?” You were eyeing the box warily. “Yup,” Roger began pulling the items from the box one by one, laying them out on the desk, “I brought the box in earlier and hid it down here so no one would stumble onto it. I didn’t want any awkward questions. Or to have any of them stolen since they’re mine,” he added with a chuckle. You looked over the collection with interest, some of the objects familiar to you and some only vaguely recognisable, “Is that a hair brush?” “It is,” Roger winked playfully, “Kink can be very D.I.Y and the back of a hairbrush makes for a good makeshift paddle. The front of the hairbrush can be fun too actually. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m going to go through everything individually, explain what they are and what sort of effect they have and I’ll demonstrate them on our piggy participant. There’s also a few things I don’t have which we can run through at the end, sound good?” “Sounds great.” You sank into one of the nearby seats, pulling your laptop towards you, ready to take notes. “Right well. Impact play is a BDSM practice where one partner strikes another for sexual gratification. As you rightly said earlier this includes spanking but there's a little more to it than just that. You can slap your partner, punch them, kick them, whip them or flog them. There’re numerous ways to play with impact and as with all BDSM it’s important to negotiate what you want before you start. Being struck can leave marks of course. Brusies, welts, scratches, right through to cuts that draw blood. For some people, the marking aspect is an important part of their enjoyment, and they might go so far as to intentionally make the marks more apparent. But whether or not you want visible marks might be influenced by your job or the season or your social life or any number of other things. Personally, the marks are secondary to why I enjoy the forms of impact play I partake in. But my feelings aside, the nature of our lessons and the secrecy required, means I won’t intentionally be marking you anywhere that isn’t easy to cover up. If you even want to try it out. You might see everything today and decide it’s not for you and that would be okay.” “I don’t think there’s much danger of that Roger. Dylan’s spanked me a little before and I’m interested enough to try more.” “In that case then, you should know that physical pain is part of impact play no matter what aspect you try. And it can bring up more mental pain too, depending on the individual. Which is why I want to start with testing some implements on this pig. We can go through a few things and you’ll get a sense of them and then we can talk about what you might actually want to try or if any of it seems wrong for you. I’m also going to be much more diligent with your safe word in these lessons than any before. So what is your safe word?” “Pizazz, Roger,” “Good. Remember you can use it whenever you need to, even today. If things get too much for you I want to know.” “I know. I promise I’ll use it.” You were struck by how serious Roger’s tone was but understood it, after the conversation you’d had during your previous lesson. And, for the first time, you wondered if this would be a topic Roger would find hard to teach. “Thank you. I’ll check in with you every so often, especially when we move onto the practical lesson and you’re experiencing it firsthand. So, if I ask you what your safe word is, I need you to respond as loudly and as quickly as you can. It’s a way for me to gauge how well you’re coping and to make sure you’re still capable of using it.” “That makes sense.” Having assured himself of your understanding, Roger took a deep breath and smiled again, “Well, I have a range of different implements you can use here today but we’ll start with the most basic,” he held his two hands in front of him, palms towards you, fingers wiggling, “Hands.” You smiled at his showmanship but your gaze lingered on the offered view. His hands had always seemed quite lovely, even when he was just teaching you biology. The way they moved so delicately as he demonstrated necessary scientific processes for the class, or rapidly twirled pens around his fingers to impress new students. Of course, you’d felt them too since you’re first private lesson, the way he caressed you and held you. His fist tightening in your hair and his fingers plunging into you and making you moan and the way he’d gently stroke your skin as you were both regaining your breath. You were excited to feel the power in them as he spanked you. “Spanking is entry level impact play. Everyone and their mother has heard of it. It’s a common thing to see in pornography and even in Hollywood movies when they want to show sex as kinky. And because you don’t need more than your hands it’s easy to experiment with. Do you want to see what it looks like?” You nodded and Roger stepped closer to the pig, angling himself so you could see. Suddenly there was the sound of a clap as Roger’s palm hit the pig’s flesh. “See how my hand was open and my palm was flat?” Roger demonstrated again but slower so the hit barely made a sound, “But what if I do this?” He hit the pig again but changed the position of his hand. The sound of his hand colliding with the pig was deeper the second time around, “If you cup your hand, curve it slightly, you can change the way the spank feels and sounds. Just like clapping.” You experimentally clapped your hands together, first with open palms and then with each hand cupped so that the fingers wrapped around the back of the other. “Now you give the pig a try.” Feeling a surge of nervously excited butterflies, you got out of your seat and took your place at the pig. With a breath and a swallow you quickly brought your hand down. The slapping sound seemed to echo in the quiet room but it wasn’t as crisp as the noise Roger’s hits had made. With a look to Roger for permission, you tried it again, creating a slightly more impressive sound. “Good, now cupped?” You did it again, curving your fingers in a bit and bringing it down again. It felt more awkward than the open palm hit had so you repositioned yourself to hit the pig from a slightly different angle and tried once more. “Don’t be afraid to pull your arm back further. The more your rear back, the more force will be in the spank. Like this,” he pulled his hand back past his ear and swung down hard, the spank echoing around you. “Of course, you can also spank from a nearer point too. Spanking, and a lot of impact play, is best if you mix it up a bit, don’t stay in one rhythm too long, do some spanks with your fingers spread, or change how hard or fast they are. I might give a sub two or three hard hits each with a pause between but then I’ll switch to a more rapid series of spanks that don’t have as much force behind them but come faster.” You nodded and experimented with taking your arm back further, testing out ways to change the strength of each spank, until Roger finally called you to stop. “How did that feel?” he asked as you took your seat again. “My hand tingles.” “That’s normal,” Roger laughed, “in fact it’s one thing I really enjoy about spanking by hand. The sub isn’t the only one who feels the spanks, the dom gets some of the pain in his hand too, especially if the intensity ramps up or there's a section of quick-fire spanks. And that can a) help the dom understand what the sub is feeling and work out how long the scene should go and b) brings a sort of intimacy to the scene that is harder to achieve with a tool.” You hummed as you noted down what he’d said, “Have you ever spanked someone so much you injured your wrist or anything?” “No.” Roger shook his head, amused by the question, “My wrists are pretty sturdy. But a few times I’ve been left with a stingy, tingly hand for an hour or two. Which brings me to an important note about pain. There are two main types of pain you can experience in impact play. We refer to them as thuddy and stingy.” “Thuddy and stingy? What is this, an afternoon kids show?” Roger rolled his eyes, “The names are simple but they explain exactly what they mean. Some types of impact will have a stingy sensation which is usually superficial. It won’t go deeper than the first few layers of skin and probably leaves the skin feeling warm and a little tingly or like sunburn, y’know? It’s typical of spanks and slaps. Thuddy pain is deeper, it gets into the fat and muscles and tissue and aches more. And I’ll go through which tools cause which sort of pain as I get to them. Generally though, people who enjoy impact play have a preference for one or the other.” “And your preference is what?” “Thuddy. Definitely. Although I prefer inflicting stingy.” You hummed thoughtfully. “Now, I’ll go into details about ways to actually incorporate spanking into a scene later. We can talk about it while we’re negotiating our scene. Today is just about the practicalities and sensations involved in the different types of impact play. So are you okay to move on?” “Yup, definitely.” And then, sensing Roger might ask, you added, “Pizazz.” feeling pleased when you saw him smile.

“I don’t expect us to delve too deep into them but I think I should touch on kicking, punching and slapping. Kicking and punching are things I’ve not done. They can, obviously, be quite painful. But they’re pretty self-explanatory. From what I understand about it, and what I’ve heard others who enjoy that kind of thing say, kicking and punching can both be very intimate, similar to the way spanking by hand is, but in a more primal or animalistic way. Punching is, of course, done without any accessories but kicking often includes footwear of some kind. A lot of time it’s something like a steel-toed boot or something with a bit of weight to it.” “That isn't something I want to try.” You’d learnt a lot about how far kink went so weren’t completely shocked that some people would enjoy something as forceful as kicking, but it did take you by surprise to hear Roger talking about it. “What about slapping?” “How is that different to spanking?” “Well, you’re right, they are similar. But slapping generally refers to slapping on the face whereas spanking is usually on the, uh, derriere. Of course you can slap or spank other parts too. For clarity’s sake, if I say slapping assume I mean on the face whereas spanking is anywhere else on the body.” You thought about it for a second, “I’m not sure if I’d be game to try it but I do want to know more.” “Slapping can be fun. Again, it’s not one I do a lot but I have played with it in the past. It comes in handy for particular scenes and there’s a fairly bratty sub I’ve worked with who responds really well to it. The most important thing to know is that if you are slapping someone’s face only ever aim for the cheeks. There’s a lot of fragile places around the face and it’s close to the brain so you need to be careful not to do any lasting damage. Never hit the temples because you hit them with enough force and it can kill a person. Nose and ears are off limits too, anything that is important. You knew enough about biology to know Roger wasn’t making those rules up for fun. Noses were easy to break and hitting an ear too hard could damage someone’s hearing. But face slapping did still intrigue you.

“Well, I’d say the next – let's call it the next level – of impact play is paddling.” He picked up what looked to be a wooden plank with a handle. It was an inch or two longer and wider than his hand with small holes cut out in a repeating pattern over the flat side so you could look right through it. “They don’t always look like this. Paddles come in lots of different shapes and sizes. This is a wooden one but they’re also frequently made of leather and sometimes the leather ones will have one side that’s a little more padded than the other. That gives you a bit of versatility with the pain. You can start off lightly with the padded side to get you in the zone and then during the scene switch it to the firmer side that hurts more. Or, if you don’t have access to a paddle at all, you can substitute a hairbrush.” He picked the hairbrush up and waved it back and forth. “And that-” you pointed at the hair brush, “will feel the same as that?” you pointed at the wooden paddle, not quite able to reconcile the two in your mind. ��Not exactly the same but close. Honestly you can get really creative with impact play and not spend any money to get nearly the same results. I mean a plastic hairbrush might take a few extra hits or a little more force to really bruise someone but they’ll still end up sore from it. Or, if the hairbrush doesn’t do it for you, dig through your draws and see what else you can find. Wooden spoons, cutting boards, rulers, leather belts, spatulas, rolling pins, ping pong paddles, anything you can get your hands on. Just be mindful of how easily they’d break or them causing more pain than you expect.” Again, you weren’t necessarily surprised by the lengths people would go to for sexual gratification, as Roger had put it, but it was a bit astounding. Still, you noted it all down just in case. “Now a paddle generally falls under the stingy category but you do tend to get a deeper bruise than with your hand. Different factors could alter the way it feels too. If you put less force into it the pain will fall more on the thuddy side, same goes for if your hits are slower. But the pain call also be influenced by the size of the paddle, the material it’s made out of, the texture of it.” “Texture?” “Sometimes paddles have added texture, so they aren’t just a smooth, flat board. They might have metal studs that are more raised than the surface of the blade – the part you hit with – or ridging that will imprint the skin. This one has holes in it which definitely changes the feeling, makes it more intense. As you strike and the blade hits, the holes do two things. They stop any air cushions forming that would lessen the impact and they sort of push the skin into the holes which means the pain isn't completely even along where was hit. Plus it also leaves these cool circle marks behind which is fun.” You realised you’d held your breath through the explanation, eyes following the paddle as Roger waved it through the air and ran his hands over it unconsciously. You hoped he had something more beginner friendly at home, though you couldn’t pretend you weren’t turned on by the way he wielded his weapon. “Using it is quite similar to spanking but your hand isn’t hitting, it’s holding onto the paddle handle. So you just pull back,” Roger’s arm went back and the paddle swung backwards,” and then hit,” he swung his arm forward, the paddle cutting through the air and landing directly against the soft flesh of the pig. It made a satisfying thwack sound on impact and when Roger’ brought it back again you could see the circular patterns he’d talked about. He demonstrated a few more times before he handed the plank to you. It was heavier than you’d been expecting, solid wood, but the handle fit into your palm comfortably. You ran your hands over the flat part, what Roger had called the blade, and felt the holes with your fingers. The weight made it a little hard to swing but not impossible. You managed to mark the pig as well, stroking the circular imprints with your fingers. “Try the hairbrush,” Roger said, swapping it for the paddle. Its handle wasn’t quiet as long, but it was lighter and you found your hits were harder with it, without you even trying. “Something to be aware of if you use an ordinary household item, or even just a different sort of impact toy. Because it’s lighter you can pull it back further and swing harder. A dom has to be aware of how much is going into each hit and how much their sub can handle.”

“So what’s after paddles?” “Floggers.” Roger picked his up off the table, “This is a fairly typical flogger. As you can see it’s made of black leather. It has the handle which is the thickest part and then a number of smaller tails. The tails is where you get the most variation which can be a stylistic choice or just a side effect of its price and overall quality. There’s a trick for knowing if a flogger is good quality or not. It should be pretty evenly balanced between the handle and the tails, so you should be able to do this,” he held out a finger and balanced the flogger on it carefully, the handle pointing out one way and the tails dangling over the other. You thought for sure it would tip forward onto the tails and tumble to the ground but it hung there perfectly. “Sometimes there will be more tails or they'll look different but no matter what, it should be balanced.” Roger gave a practiced flick of his hand so the flogger leapt into the air and he was able to catch the handle before it fell. “From a more stylistic point of view, you could get a flogger with less tails but they’ll be made of braids of leather which makes them heavier and thicker. Braided tails are also likely to have knots in the ends which can be a bit scratchy and even draw blood. They don’t have to be made of leather either. Rubber floggers are also popular. The tails on them tend to be more rectangular in shape, still flat but they have more edges and it actually feels like you’re being hit with more tails then there really are. And if you’re looking to really fuck someone up you can get hemp floggers. Sometimes they’ll look similar to this leather one but hemp is fairly stiff material and sometimes the tails will be shaped so that they’re sort of squiggly rather than flat lines. The squiggles hurt like a bitch, especially if they have knots at the end. Definitely start off with simple leather and work up once you’re more experienced.” Roger dragged the ends of the tails over his hand as he spoke, “I’d say this falls into the more thuddy type of pain. It can cover a large area of your body since the tails spread out and each of them creates an individual pain point. And because you’re being hit six or seven or nine or however many times at once, you can build up quite a rapid movement over a short period of time.” You eyed the dancing tails as Roger moved his hand through them, “How long are the tails? Isn’t it a bit dangerous to have so many bits flying in all directions?” Roger laughed, “Well yeah, kinda. I mean, that’s BDSM for you though, it gets dangerous which is why we’re all obsessed with safety. It’s a good thing to have noticed though, well done. The tails on this one are on the shorter side but some floggers will have much longer ones which means the dom can stand further back and still inflict a lot of pain. But you’re right, you do have to be mindful of the length and where they’re flying because a longer tail can potentially wrap around to somewhere you aren’t intending to hit. For instance, if you’re standing behind a person and flogging the back of their shoulder, you don’t want one of the tails to fly past their shoulder and around their neck. That would be incredibly painful and probably not what they expected or wanted from the scene.” “So you have to take into account the length of the tails when you’re negotiating the scene then? And know where on the body to focus the hits so you don’t risk causing the wrong sort of pain and ending it early.” “Exactly. That’s why negotiating the scene is important. Then both the dom and the sub will know what they want to achieve, what they want to get out of the experience, and they can tailor things to fit better. A lot of doms who are into impact play are likely to have multiple versions of their favourite toys – I myself have a few different paddles at home, I just didn’t bring them all in with me today – so by talking through what you want they’ll be able to choose the style of toy that will best fit the scene.” “So how do you use a flogger then? Is it the same as spanking and paddling where you just swing your arm forward?” “Sort of. Floggers have a few different ways to use them. There is of course the single strike option where, yeah, you do just hit them like you would with a paddle. I find that you don’t need to bring your arm back so far though, the movement comes from your elbow more than your shoulder.” Roger bent his arm so his hand and the flogger were roughly head height and then brought it down on the pig, “And you can change the angle of your single strike so that you hit them overhand or underhand or from one of the sides.” He demonstrated each direction as he said them, first bringing the flogger down from above, then swinging it up from below, then from the right side and finally a backhanded hit from the left. “But you don’t have to just pick a side to hit from. Paddles and hands are limited in how you can swing them but floggers have more movement. One way to use them is to swing them in a circle.” He moved back towards the pig to demonstrate, standing side on so that the tails whipped around and struck the pig, “I like starting off with circles because you can keep the pressure quite light. The tails sort of brush over the sub as they pass and it can be a good way to slowly build up. And then you can move into a figure eight as you get a bit harder.” Roger shifted his circles so they made a sideways eight in the air, subtly adjusting his stance so that the tail swished over the pig’s skin on both the forward and back motion. You watched, awe-struck by how easily Roger swung the flogger, falling into a rhythm quickly. It wasn’t hard to imagine how he’d suddenly change the speed or the force of the swing when you were least expecting it.

You were brought back to the present by Roger clearing his throat as he stilled the flogger, “The figure eight is why you should practice your backhand swing as much as any other. Because the tails will hit the sub on both the forward and back swings and you want them to be as even as possible.” He flipped the flogger in his hands, holding the handle out to you. It felt smooth and cool in your hand, lighter than the paddle had been. You swished it experimentally, trying to get a sense of how it felt in motion.” “Show me your overhand hit.” Roger said, leaning back against the nearest desk to watch. You tried to imitate how he’d swung it, elbow bent, flogger raised. It must have been good enough because Roger nodded and said, “how about underhand?” He kept calling out different directions for a while, testing your reactions but you felt it helped you get a better grip on the toy and you found yourself adjusting how you held it so your movements became more fluid. Roger watched you as you tried to keep up, his eyes locked onto your hands. Had you been looking, you might have caught sight of him subtly adjusting himself in his pants. Finally, he seemed satisfied that you could successfully single strike from any direction and asked you to try the circle and figure eight motions. They were harder to start, more awkward as you tried to work out the best way to move the flogger, and you caught Roger chuckling.” “Oi, stop laughing,” “Do you want some help?” he was still smiling but his request was genuine and when you nodded he stepped towards you. One of his hands moved to your waist as the other lay over yours on the handle of the flogger. You tried not to grin too much as he did exactly why you’d hoped, and you felt him so close behind you. “Like this,” His arm gently directed yours, the flogger beginning to move in a smooth circle. “Oh, not so hard then,” you laughed, half turning to face him, “Y’know if someone walked in now this would be pretty hard to explain.” His eyes darted to your lips, “Good thing we locked the door then.” You hummed, waiting to see if Roger would close the gap. He did a few seconds later, leaning in to kiss you softly. But the movement caused you both to forget about the flogger, your hands falling out of rhythm, and the tails whacking against your outstretched arms as they fell. “Ow,” you both groaned, Roger stepping away from you. It was disappointing but the disappointment was a little confusing. Surely you weren’t hoping for your professor to kiss you when you had no intention of sleeping with him that night. Roger laughed, “Maybe that’s enough of the flogger today.” “Might be for the best. Good thing I was so bad at it, otherwise we might have been really hurt.” “You weren’t that bad. You actually looked good with it before I brought in the circles. Quite sexy really.” “Thanks,” you said softly, trying to hide how pleased you were at that praise, “What else is there then?”

“There's only one more that I can demonstrate but then there’s a few others I’ll touch on quickly too. So the last one I own is a crop.” He picked it up off the table, his fingers sliding along the length of it’s handle as he spoke, “This one I would put in the stingy category. It’s fast and sharp. Again, you can get crops in a few different styles. They will all have a handle like this, long and thin and probably with a slightly thicker point towards the end that’s easy to hold onto. The difference will be in the bit you hit with. This one is based on the sort of riding crop that's used on horses, so it’s quite plain. There’s just this loop of leather which hangs off the end. But others can be more decorative. I’ve seen crops which had ends shaped like hearts or that had studs pushed into them. Some of them are padded and some have a more rounded shape. We like our variety.” “It looks scarier than the others I think,” “Yeah, they’re quite intimidating aren’t they. And if you do it right, it’ll make a noise through the air, which just adds to how intimidating it can be.” “Can you show me how to swing it now?” “Absolutely. Now, you want to stand a bit further back with a crop because there is such a long handle. And the magic is in the wrist with these. You just flick the wrist and...” You could hear the whooshing sound of it flying through the air before it cracked against the pig. “Now some crops are more bendy and some are more stiff so, if you get one, you’ll want to practice swinging it a bit before you use it on a person, to get a feel for it. The flexibility of it might dictate how you stand or how strong the swing has to be. Give this one a go though.” You felt oddly powerful as you took the crop and tightened your fist around the end. For a moment a vision of you decked out in leather dominatrix gear popped into your head and you nearly laughed. Unfortunately, the intimidating whooshing noise Roger had achieved was not as easy for you to make as you’d hoped, and the imagined power soon dissipated as you struggled to make the weapon sing. Roger however was not disappointed. “It takes practice,” was what he said when you lamented your inability to create the sound, “And you don’t have to have the sound to make a good hit. It’s just kind of cool.” When you still seemed disappointed he sighed. “If it’s any help, I can’t always make the sound either. And besides, I wasn’t intending to use that one on you, unless you really, really want to. I mostly brought it to show you as an interesting part of your theory lessons. And so you’d have a sense of what a cane is like, even though I don’t have any of them to demonstrate.” “A cane? Like....caning? Like what Victorian kids used to have done if they misbehaved or whatever?” Roger laughed, “Kind of, yeah. It does have a history in corporal punishment. Which, might I add, wasn’t just for Victorian kids. It was still a thing when I was a kid. We didn’t get caned, more likely to be whacked over the knuckles with a ruler, but still. I don’t think it really left schools until the 80s.” “Jesus,” “Yeah. Occasionally I do wish I could bring out a ruler to shut a kid up,” he winked in jest, “Anyway, caning for BDSM is similar and uses the same sort of tool. A cane, funnily enough. Canes are long and thin like a crop but without the leather flap at the end or the more padded handle area. Traditionally they’re made from rattan which is a type of plant, but you can also get synthetic canes which are covered in leather. In my experience synthetic canes are actually harder. Not to use, I mean in the way they feel when you’re hit with them. The traditional rattan ones require a lot of maintenance though. You have to water them between uses, literally soaking them in a bath of water so they don’t dry out and break. But the benefit with a rattan cane is that if you get it home and realise you’d like something a bit shorter, you can cut it off yourself and just sandpaper down the rough edge and it’s good as new.” “So are there any different version aside from synthetic? All the other toys had lots of variety.” “Hmmm, not really. Most of the difference will be in how thick the cane is, which can effect the feel of it a lot. A thinner cane will sting when it hits and the force will make the skin hug the cane so it leaves these long marks behind. A thicker cane though might sting less but it’ll still hurt a lot, just more thuddy. And you tend to get more bruising from the thicker ones.” “And do you use it the same as a crop?” “Mostly, yes. The biggest difference is that you can use a larger section of a cane. The crop has the specific bit at the end to hit with whereas a cane doesn’t have that limit. The most important thing to remember is to try and aim a little short of where you want to hit because if you hit with a part of the cane six inches down, those top six inches are going to hit as well, and with force behind them they will wrap around the person’s side or arse or whatever until they make contact. But other than that, it’s a similar motion from the wrist and uses a similar amount of energy. And canes can make the cool whippy noise too.”

“Is that everything then?” “One last one, really quick. Whips.” “Oh yeah, I’ve heard of whipping in kink.” “Yeah, it’s one of those things that gets mentioned a lot even if comparatively fewer people are actually into it. But everyone’s heard the phrase chains and whips in relation to BDSM. There's a few different varieties of whips but I don’t really know enough about them to know the difference. They all look like whips to me. Very cowboy. But they’re one of the more intense versions of impact play. The pain they cause is quite sharp and stingy and will be very localised to a specific point because they have the one tail, as opposed to floggers which have multiple tails. Whips are very capable of breaking the skin though and feel very intensely painful. I do not recommend them unless you discover you’re a masochist and you’ve tried everything else impact play has to offer.” “No need to tell me twice, Professor. Definitely do not want to try whips any time soon.” “That’s very reasonable. And that is all of the impact play options I wanted to go through. There’s a little more to cover regarding safety before I let you go for the night, but how about we put the pig away and hope no one notices it’s been marked by crops and floggers.” You chuckled and quickly moved to help Roger push the trolley back towards the freezer, locking the dead pig away securely, and to help pack up his toys. When everything was tidy again you re-took your seat, Roger taking the one beside you. It made the end of the lesson feel less like a lesson and more of just a casual chat, the topic of which happened to be BDSM. “The most important thing to remember when trying impact play is which parts of the body are safest to hit.” He paused for a moment, considering you, “But you’ve been studying biology for a while now, Ms Y/L/N. Care to guess which parts are safe and which parts you should avoid?” You hadn’t expected to be asked so took a moment to consider your answer, “Well, the arse obviously. Ummm.... I guess I’d assume the best places to hit are the bits with more meat on them.” “Very good. Entirely correct. There’s a reason most people think about spanking on the arse and that’s because it’s one of the best places to spank. Well, that and the fact that spanking is used so frequently in punishment scenes where you bend the naughty girl over your knee. But, yes, hitting the arse is good. Hitting the thighs can also be good, though the bit just under the arse cheek where it connects to the thighs hurts a lot. Which isn’t to say don’t ever spank there, just be mindful that it’s going to hurt more than directly on the arse cheeks. The pecks or breasts can be good places to hit, even the upper back where the shoulder blade is can be good. What about places to avoid hitting? Any ideas what those might be?” You hummed in thought, “I’d imagine you wouldn’t want to hit the spine since it’s so important.” “Right again Ms Y/L/N. The spine is definitely something to avoid. I don’t like hitting on the back much at all because there's too much important stuff there but I do know some others who don’t mind using a flogger there, especially while warming up before things get too intense. There are also the kidneys to watch out for,” he moved his hand to press against the spot on his own back, “because, as you no doubt know, part of the kidneys stick out under the ribcage so aren’t fully protected. Then a little lower down, just above the arse, is the tailbone which should also be avoided. “What about the neck? That would be bad to hit too, right?” “Yup. And that’s something to watch for if you’re doing anything on the shoulder blades. The spine of course runs all the way up the back of the neck and hitting there can do some very serious and lasting damage if you’re not careful. I know some people who will only flog the shoulder blades if the sub is wearing a collar because that adds a bit of protection around the C5 and C6 vertebrae but even so, better safe than sorry in my opinion. The front of the neck is also not good to hit since that’s where the vocal cords and all that is.” “Which is why you have to be careful with a flogger’s tails, right?” “Right. But what about on the front? Is there anywhere else you’d avoid?” “Pussy,” you said with a laugh. Roger laughed too, “Actually, depending on how it’s done, spanking a pussy can be quite enjoyable.” “Wait really?” “Yeah. I prefer doing it with my hand since you can feel when it makes the sub wet but it’s not totally unusual to use paddles or crops or even floggers down there too. I’m sure some people whip as well.” You gulped at the thought. “The biggest area to avoid on a person’s front side is the diaphragm and middle of the chest. There’s a lot of important stuff in there and a lot less tissue than elsewhere.” “Do people get badly hurt doing impact play?” you glanced over the list of places Roger said to avoid. It made it seem like almost any spanking was running the risk of more than just some bad bruising. “Sometimes.” Roger said seriously. He paused for a moment, thinking, and then continued, “Things can go wrong. And when you’re playing with intentionally hurting someone, things going wrong can be very serious. I won’t pretend there aren’t stories of people trying impact play and ending up paralysed or worse. But if you’re careful, if you pay attention and only hit certain areas and are mindful of how hard you’re hitting, then you’re going to be fine. And that’s why we come up with safe words and talk through scenes before we do them. So that you can minimize those risks and have a chance to communicate any worries or concerns.” “But how can safe words help if you say them after you’ve already been hurt too much?” “Well, for one, even if you’ve been hurt badly, using your safe word can stop things from being made worse. But you don’t have to wait until you’re hurt to use the safe word. Yes, if I spank you four times in a row and the fourth one feels so bad you can’t go on, then you should use your safe word before I give you a fifth. But you could also use it after the third hit when you aren’t sure if you want the fourth. And safe words aren’t just about physical pain. If you start off excited but then feel anxious after two hits you are well within your rights to safe word. You don’t have to wait until the damage is done. And, obviously, it’s not always easy to tell if that one hit more is going to be enough to make you want to stop. You can’t always know if the next hit is going to catch your neck wrong and do serious damage. But if you feel at all worried that it might, speak up. Not just worried either. If you feel distracted or you think I’m not paying enough attention to how I’m spanking you, or if I move to spank and area you don’t want me to touch, tell me. There is no wrong reason to use a safe word, even if we’re only a few minutes into the scene. I’ve said before that I’d rather you tell me to stop than for us to go on and you not feel comfortable, and I mean it.” “I know, I guess I just never really thought about it being for mental stuff as well as physical.” “Mmm, I should have checked that.” “Well, let’s face it, you probably tried and I just didn’t pay attention. But, y’know, you’re very good at reassuring me when I start to get nervous.” “I hope that’s a good thing.” “It definitely is. I think if I didn’t have the reassurance, I’d chicken out of some things.” “As long as you’re aware of the difference between some healthy nerves and anxiety that could be a sign you should slow down. And that you keep telling me how you’re feeling.” “Of course I will.” “Good girl.”

An understanding seemed to pass between you as you sat in near silence, eyes on the other. Until Roger drew in a long breath and stood up. “Right well, I think that’s just about everything. Obviously we weren’t able to see the levels of bruising that different implements can cause but it’s kind of dependent on the individual anyway. Everything can influence the severity of bruises and other marks. Tell me what a bruise is.” “It’s broken blood vessels under the skin which cause discolouration.” “Bingo. Now, obviously being spanked with a hand will leave less obvious bruises than being hit with a crop will and usually a paddle will bruise less than....i don’t know, a leather belt. But there's lots of factors to consider. The sub’s age, diet, the colour of their skin, their hydration level, how much sun exposure they’ve had recently, stress levels, hormones. And the biggest of all is how much stimulus they receive on that part of the body. The more you hit a spot, the deeper it will bruise. So, don’t expect bruises and marks to appear exactly the same every time you make them. There are some ways to heighten or lessen marks left during BDSM, but I’ll go through those when you’re ready for our practical lessons. And we’ll also go through some ideas for popular scenes and positions before we settle on what our scene will look like.” Roger seemed to hesitate for a few seconds, “Of course, it’s not so late we have to stop. If you did want to start testing out some light impact play, or if you wanted to revisit a previous topic, you’re more than welcome to come back to mine.” “No,” you said much too fast, the suggestion catching you completely off guard. “Okay, no problem,” Roger said, his eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean...just that tonight’s not great timing.” You’d really thought you’d got out of having to talk about it but you could see Roger was going to ask what you were talking about when on a regular tutoring night you’d likely still be in his bed. All the same you couldn’t quite make eye contact as you explained, “My period started last night, that’s all. Makes things a bit awkward.” “Oh is that all?” You shrugged, “Yeah.” “Well there’s no need to feel awkward or embarrassed about that. And there’s no reason to hide it from me. Aside from the fact that I’ve been married and had kids, I’ve also been teaching biology for longer than I care to count, so I’m very familiar with the reproductive processes and the reality of the menstrual cycle.” “I knew you were going to say something like that.” “Because it’s true. And besides, periods are important to factor into our lessons because they can change how you’ll respond to various kinks. Fluctuating hormone levels can change how much you enjoy or desire sex, as well as the physical sensation of different forms of touch. A lot of women find breast stimulation uncomfortable in the lead up to their period because their breasts become tender at that stage of their cycle. It can also make vaginal sex undesirable, at least in the first couple of days if not longer, whether because of a physical discomfort or pain, or just because it makes sex messier and more annoying to clean up after. The hormonal shifts in a menstrual cycle can also effect libido too, either stopping you from feeling aroused or causing hyper arousal. And all of that is important to consider, especially when we get to other things like orgasm denial. So, don’t feel you have to hide your periods from me, okay? I want to know if something is going to effect how enjoyable these lessons are for you. And plus, I factored periods into the timeline, remember? If you want to postpone for a week we can. His little speech did put you at ease a bit, the weight of admitting the truth no longer as heavy now that he knew, but it still wasn’t an especially comfortable conversation, “Well, I should be okay to go in a few days.” “Would you be up for having sex on one of the last days of your period when your flow is a little lighter? Or would you rather wait until after it was finished?” You tried not to cringe too much upon hearing Roger talk about your flow, “After I think. I don’t know. How do you feel about it?” Roger shrugged, “If we were just having sex without the kinky stuff I’d be okay with period sex. It’s a little more effort since we’d need to put towels down and all that but I’m not completely opposed to it if we’re both in the mood. However, I think since we’re playing with BDSM it’s probably a good idea to wait.” You nodded, glad the topic was almost settled, “Yeah, that makes sense. I think I’d feel too self-conscious to enjoy any period sex but you’re definitely right about the BDSM stuff. Just makes it easier for my first time trying things out if I’m not worrying about, um, bleeding everywhere.” Roger gave you a reassuring smile which made your heart flutter, grateful he hadn’t made things too difficult or drawn out, “That’s settled then. We can put a pin in all of this for now and come back to it when you’re ready.” “Thanks. Will Friday suit? I think I should be right by then.” “Friday sounds great.” “Really? You don’t have to, like, pick up the kids or anything?” Roger shook his head, amused, “No. It is technically my weekend with them but they’re both staying at friend’s placed over night so I won’t see them until Saturday. Friday we can start testing some things and if we need to, we can come back next Monday and go through more. And I finish a bit earlier on Fridays so maybe we could start a bit earlier.” “Yeah that works for me.” “Great. I guess we should get out of here then.” Roger ushered you from the classroom and walked beside you all the way to the carpark, your footsteps echoing down the corridors. He chatted to you quietly about non-kinky topics, as if you’d merely ended up walking the same direction by accident, just in case anyone was looking. You were almost sad to reach your car, drawing the conversation to an end, “This is me.” “One last thing, Ms Y/L/M.” “Mmm?” “For homework-” “Homework?” “Yes. For homework I want you to watch some porn with impact play in it. You’ll find a few examples linked in a document I’ve dropped in our folder but feel free to find your own too. It can be spanking by hand or flogging or any other form of impact we discussed today, whatever turns you on most. Because I want you horny when I see you on Friday. I want you to spend all week thinking about naughty sluts who get spanks, knowing you’ll soon be one of them. I want you excited to be hit and wet at the thought of me spanking your arse and cunt while I fill your holes with cock. Is that clear?” Roger had leant closer as he talked and your stomach did a backflip as he stood up. All you could do was nod, completely lost for words as Roger chuckled and walked into the dark towards his own car.

#my writing #my fics #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor smut #roger taylor imagine #gonna try and get the next one written a bit quicker lmao

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bakugohoex · 4 years

Note

Soft boy Jean trying to bake a cake for his s/o but he stuffs it up and tries to hide it, but in the end his s/o helps him remake the cake together

“make a wish”

paring: jean kirshctein x female reader

cw: kissing, language, fluff

word count: 1700+

a/n: i wrote this at 2am, i need sleep but we move, if i don’t wake up for my lesson then i’m fucked (morning me tell me if i do wake up on time right here - i woke up on time but im lying in bed) hope you liked it i needed to write some attack on titan shit and jean’s is my fave

summary: in which jean finds out it’s your birthday and decides to make a surprise cake, with limited resources, he tries but ultimately it turns into you finding out, in your oblivious state you end up helping him make a cake for yourself

↞ back to attack on titan masterlist

Your voice was cold as you spoke to your class, you were all nearing the end of the training corps. It had taken a toll on a lot of people, but you had remained strong and resilient to what would occur.

You knew you had worked hard enough to reach the top ten, but you were always going to join the survey corps. You would kill the titans and even to your friend Jean’s reluctance you would give your life defeating them all.

What nobody had really expected was to see Sasha smiling as she walked towards the group that you would call your friends. She had a piece of paper in her hand and you were confused at the girl. She was never normally this happy after training she was always bitey for food so what had made her go all nice.

“I finally found it Y/n.” You tilted your head in confusion as Jean looked between the two of you. “Y/n, your birthday’s in two days, why didn’t you tell us?”

You rolled your eyes, “I just don’t think birthdays mean that much in the grand scheme of things.”

“But cake.” Sasha seemed more upset about the lack of food than anything else. You rolled your eyes walking back to the garrison, you wanted clean clothes due to the sweat that encased your current clothes.

Jean’s obvious crush for you was known, they watched him as he admired you walking away. He didn’t care if you were sweaty you were still the prettiest girl he had ever seen. Even with his obvious flirting you were oblivious still believing the boy had feelings for Mikasa.

“I’m making her a cake.” Marco looked at the boy confused.

“You do realise you don’t know how to bake.” Connie spoke out loud what Marco and everybody else had been thinking.

“I’ll work something out.” Sasha seemed to be the only happy one as Mikasa hadn’t paid attention only irritating Eren to make sure he didn’t get too dirty.

Later on, after everybody had had dinner, Jean snuck out he knew how to bake a cake, he’d watched his mother, how hard could it actually be?

Careful of not waking anybody up, he creeped outside knowing where the kitchens were. He prayed there was everything he needed not wanting to have to try and found it anywhere. He walked towards the building, seeing a battered canteen it was silent and hopefully nobody would catch him.

He rolled his sleeves having still worn the uniform they were made to wear, as he got to work trying to remember what his mother had done many years ago. It wasn’t working as he put it to bake he sat on the counter wondering if he had done it right, he had all the ingredients but having a theory and no practically experience was a recipe for disaster.

Once the cake had finished he looked at the sunken cake already knowing it had failed, he had hope that it might’ve just sunk and tasted better, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, kept going through his head.

His mother would know what to do, he cut into it taking a bite before instantly spitting it into the bin. Not only having wasted the ingredients on a shitty cake but he had no idea how to make you something to show his feelings.

He signed lowering his head before he heard a cough. You were standing in front of him, his eyes widened as he removed his hands from his face. “Y/n what are y...you doing here.”

You always thought his stuttering was cute, it happened a lot around you, but you always assumed it was because Mikasa was nearby. The embarrassment Jean felt was heavy and you could sense it from a mile away. He tried hiding the cake, but you had easily spotted it as soon as he covered it with a tea towel.

“I heard Sasha in her sleep talk about you making a cake, I wanted to help.” You cheerily smiled at the boy; you didn’t know who it was for, but you assumed his mother due to visiting the Trost District in a couple days.

Jean had a sense of relief wash over him, at least you didn’t hear the frustration he had. A small brush crept along his face as you came closer leaning against the counter taking the same fork he had used to eat the cake. You cut a bit with the side before eating it, “that’s fucking gross.”

He laughed as you went to go spit it out, “what the fuck did you put in it?”

“I...i just remembered what my mother did.” He spoke out the ingredients and how much he put in it before you heard the last part. “...and about 200grams of sugar.”

You looked at the container that held the ‘sugar’ opening it before dipping your finger in it, you tasted it the salt making your mouth scrunch up. He tilted his head confused, before you bought a different finger into the salt bringing it to his mouth.

“Taste it then.” You mutter, he obeyed opening his mouth as he sucked on your finger, it would’ve been flirty if his face didn’t instantly turn sour.

“I added 200grams of salt.” You nod laughing.

“Come on let’s bake another one.” You washed your hands getting rid of both your saliva’s face your fingers.

Setting out the ingredients you showed him how to make a cake your mother had taught you how to make. She had always wanted you to marry someone from the inner walls but instead you turned and signed up for the training corps.

Making Jean help you along the way to make sure he was a part of it, you showed him how each part did different things. He listened intensively asking questions when needed and doing what he was told.

It finally went into the over as you saw some icing on the side, something somebody probably left by accident. You passed it to Jean, “write a message on top, I’m sure your mother will love it.”

“My mother?” Jean’s face fell in confusion.

“Oh, I assumed it was for her.” He looks down as he doesn’t say anything.

You didn’t know what to say to him, he was silent thinking hard, you noticed how his face would scrunch up or how a blush would erupt. He was probably thinking about Mikasa to even care about you.

You had been licking the spatula and Jean stared imagining so many lewd thoughts he wanted you and needed a way to confess properly.

The timer went off as you yawned, grabbing the cake you both waited for it to cool before he looks at you intensively.

“Turn around.” You knit your eyebrows before doing so.

You heard as he signed before he touched your shoulder, you turned back around seeing Jean holding the cake, the icing writing a message you had never expected.

‘happy birthday y/n

i love you

jean’

It was simple and caring, his name barley fitting on the cake but he had tried. He had been thinking all along about what to put on the cake before realising he should just admit he liked you.

The love part was true as well and not realising he had wrote it his face went into a heavy blush. “Y...you love me.”

You were the one stuttering now, Jean put the cake down, “I do.”

“I thought you liked Mikasa.”

“It was a crush that I got over as soon as i saw you.” He admitted, he looked directly at you as you tried to not meet eye contact.

A silence grew as you didn’t know what to say the words finally falling from your lips, “i love you too.”

That’s all he needed to hear to walk towards you bringing you closer to his body, he cupped your face, your breathing heavy at the excitement you were feeling. Your hands went to cup his nodding to tell him to go for it. His lips attached to yours, the taste of the batter lingered in your mouth.

He pushed you against the countertop, his hands moving from your face as it moved to your legs lifting you onto the counter top. Your heights becoming the same, your hands remained on his face bringing him closer the way you moaned making his tongue travel inside of your mouth. Spit and saliva mixed as you craved more, his hands on your back making you arch forward.

He wanted your body on his own and as the kiss deepened, your breathing became heavier, the consistent kisses between trying to get air before going at it again with the long passionate kisses were repetitive. You didn’t want it to stop, but as your breathing got heavier he finally let go. You were both out of breath having not kissed someone in a while.

The kiss had felt new almost as if it was long awaited, he watched and admired your breathless state, your dishevelled hair and tired eyes. “Let’s have some cake.”

You nodded as you remained sitting on the counter top, you had already put everything away and washed up the only thing left being the forks you would use to eat the cake. He held the cake standing in front of you, he brought a box of matches out. “I haven’t got a candle.”

You laugh as he lit the match putting it up to your face, “make a wish.” You blow softly as he feels your breath on his finger, cutting up some pieces he brings it to you, smiling as he eats the cake you both made.

“Now this is a cake.” You laugh as his salt cake had gone in the bins. You both had been relatively quiet so didn’t expect anybody to come in.

“What’d you wish for?” Jean asks after finishing the cake, it had been a small cake so you both ate it easily without any hesitation. Knowing you’d end up losing it from training anyway.

You both walked outside watching the moon, Jean’s hand creeping into your own as you entangled your fingers together. He smiles as you finally answered, “my wish already happened.”

He understood as you smiled up at the boy, you gave him a small kiss on his lips, filled with happiness of a future. He smiled back walking you back to your room, he’d never admit it, but this was probably the best nights of his life. He had finally gotten you and it was as if everything had fit into place, you were together and not even the Titans could ruin that for you.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

if you guys want to be a part of a tag list, just reply to any post and i’ll add you xx

@samusimp @alaina-rose13 @crispychannie @underratedmage @jennammaee @cathy8taffy

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heyitsyn · 4 years

Text

Manager!Seijoh Part 4

a/n: I LIVE FOR THESE MANAGER SEIJOH ASKS LIKE BLS TAKE OVER MY LIFE

(i originally planned to write the other schools for the manager scenario like theyre already in my drafts with plans and partly written out but like seijoh is my TOP PRIORITY (sorry pls dont hate me) BC THEY ARE MY BOIS)

also, most of my ask box is all for a kyoken ending and kyoken fluff and aoba johsai fluff and im quaking bc this is spurring me to create more aoba johsai imagines and my love for the other schools is just like being overshadowed by our little plant babies :’)

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon request: Im the anon who mentioned the chaos about the dating and can I say I love it!!! 🙏🙏 i kinda have this hc for the boys that they fight whenever they go on bus rides, just because they want yn to sit next to them. But she usually sits next to the calmer members?? The reason the boys fight?? She may or may not have fallen asleep a few times, her head on kyo/iwa shoulder. 🥺🥺

LMAO THAT PART JUST REEKED CHAOTIC ENERGY AND SHE WOULD TOTALLY SIT NEXT TO THEM JUST TO SPITE THE OTHERS AND I LOVE THE IRONY LIKE THE MOST AGGRESSIVE LOOKING ARE THE SOFTEST AND CALMEST TOWARDS HER LIKE PLEASE KYOKEN AND IWA ARE JUST LITTLE SOFT BEANS AND DESERVE THE WORLD

(bruh im so soft for iwa and kyo like my best bois and i must write them out IMMEDIATELY bc theyre so uggghhhhhh!!!!!!!)

MY TWO MEN IN ONE GIF GOD HAS BLESSED ME-

oh dear

bus rides,,,,, yep here we go

the team is usually peaceful and civil w each other (minus iwa literally beating oiks up but thats irrelevant information)

like they dont really have fights or have any arguments bc they meet up every saturday to talk about the week and if anybody had any concerns or anything they were mad about since it was like a family meeting

but boy oh boy

when you entered this family,,, arguments and misunderstandings happened once a week

‘no! y/n-chan said she was going to go shopping with me!’

‘um, she already agreed to go to to the arcade w me’

‘wait, she told me we were going to go visit that cafe!’

yes you agreed to do those things w them but you never assigned a date

your attention was something that these boys were always wanting since they only see you during club hours and practices

their jealousy gets really ugly sometimes and the two first years actually get all smug about it

‘hm, y/n, we still up for studying later?’

you ruffled his hair and smiled up at him

‘yep! we need to set an alarm though or else i’d end up staying after 1 in the morning again’

‘great. cant wait’

kunimi rarely shows any emotion towards his senpais but they couldnt miss the smug smirk that made oikawa grip the volleyball and mattsun holding him back

god hes such a little shite

everyone knows that the first years have a upperhand than them bc of your same grade so the upperclassmen were much more sensitive to spending time with you outside of practice

and they liked to spend that time wisely

when the time for away games come, you weren’t that worried about it

i mean,, why would you when boarding the bus is going to be so early in the morning at like 4 in the morning and theyd be sleeping the whole time so you get peace and quiet

in fact, you were looking forward!

but nope!

jesus took the wheel and said no

instead, you were watching the team members shouting and yelling at each other at the asscrack of dawn

say sike rn

the 2 coaches were actually not there yet so they werent able to help you and whip the boys to order so here you were, bleary eyed and clearly still tired, sighing and rolling your eyes at the fight

‘SHE SITS WITH ME! IM TEAM CAPTAIN! I GET DIBS!’

‘NO! YOU DROOL ON HER AND MESS UP HER CLOTHES! YOU LIKE MAKKI-SENPAI MORE, RIGHT, Y/N-CHAN?!’

now you might be asking me, ‘author-chan, why are they fighting so hard for something as simple as a bus ride?’

well, my young grasshoppers, this is not just a simple bus ride

you are infamous in the team to be a sleeper

no matter what form of transportation, bus, car, any surface, you found yourself in dream land

yall i wish i was like that

the sleep paralysis demon beside my bed says otherwise

they freak out and fight over even a simple touch of affection from you, do you really think they wouldnt fight tooth and nail to being your pillow and freely watching your adorable sleeping face?

these men are fighting as if they were fighting something serious like a world war

lmao with how intensely theyre fighting, it practically is

but there were two players who actually didnt care either way since they only wanted you to be the most comfortable and they werent exactly the most squishiest members

in fact, they were basically all muscle and probably not the most comfortable

NOPE I BELIEVE THAT IWA IS IN FACT ONE OF THE MOST COMFIEST AND BEST PILLOWS IN THE ENTIRE HAIKYUU UNIVERSE

totally not my bias talking or anything

so it was no surprise when they didnt get themselves involved

iwa was already done w them and goes in the bus because mom deserves a nap

naturally, kyo follows the leader and boards the bus after him, leaving the others to fight it out in the school parking lot

you were happy that they were too distracted that they wouldnt notice you sneaking away into the bus and you were slightly disappointed that out of all the seats, kyo had to sit in the one-seater by the front

so you immediately went over to the other person, who was iwa-san, and he was just settling in, pulling out his teal blanket

you blinked at him when he caught you stare but he gently smiled before opening the blanket

‘i was never a fan of window seats anyways’

you happily bounced over to him and you placed your bag at the overhead compartment bc seijoh is bougee and can afford everything before you climbed over him to the seat next to the window

iwaizumi tried to make you as comfortable as he can so he kept the seat divider thing yanno what im talking about? between you

but his eyes widened when you casually pulled it up and snuggled closer to him

youve done this before so he opened his right arm for you to cuddle closer but he was still surprised

meanwhile,,,

you just closed your eyes with a smile as you pulled the blanket to your chin and practically glomped yourself to iwa

ugh im so jealous of you!!!!!!!!!!

‘hmmmm, youre so warm iwa-san. youre like,,,,, jacob from twilight’

his eyebrow quirked and he smiled, wrapping his arm around you and tightly holding you close

‘oh? the werewolf?’

he felt your head nod

‘mhm. so warm, and strong, yet so gentle and soft’

by now, both your legs were already swung over his lap and head on his chest as you sat sideways

his fingers traced circles around your middle as his other hand was fiddling with your fingers

‘didnt he like mark a little girl?’

‘iwa-san dont talk about that!’

his laugh grumbled his chest and you giggled, trying to become even closer towards his naturally warm chest and inhale his scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

it was such an odd combination from the people you knew and you were immediately drawn to it

thats why you usually wore his jacket rather than your own

he always gets confused as to where it is but you steal it and watch him look for it

you didnt hear that from me though

it didnt take a long time for you to fall asleep and by the time the 2 coaches finally arrived and yelled at the players, they were already late

‘oikawa, i thought youd handle this properly!’

oiks whimpered from the coach’s scolding but apologized then pushed everyone in

the sight in front of them made them both boil in jealousy and squeal in uwus

you, the softest and sweetest and kindest little flower human being, being cuddled up to iwaizumi, the brute and bara arms and the ultra macho strong man, who had his head on top of you

KYAAAAAAAA

even though they knew you were a heavy sleeper and iwa slept like a rock, they still quieted down and silently walked over to their seats, hissing and shushing at anyone who even made the slightest bit of noise

rustle of the bags?

SSSSHHHHHH

seat creaking as they sit down?

SSSHHHHHHHH

they only let this slide bc your sleeping face was just so cute and they didnt have the heart to wake you up

and also face the wrath of titan iwa and be thrown into the atlantic ocean like oikawa did one time

when you finally arrived at the stadium, they waited for a rough 10 minutes just to figure out how to wake you up

they didnt want to wake up iwa first and have him yell at them but they didnt want to wake you up first either

but kyo didnt understand the dilemma and instead just goes to the back where yall were at and he goes to the seat behind you so he could reach you easily and tickles your cheek

the team is just like 👁️👄👁️

your nose scrunches at this tingling sensation until it continues so you open your eyes and finds kyo just smiling down at you

oiks is literally shaking bc he could see the smallest smile on kyo’s face

‘wake up’

with his gruff voice, it sounded like he was ordering you around but you knew he couldnt help it and blinked tiredly at him, giving him a smile of your own

‘hm, hi kyo-san’

you winced at the sudden appearance of the sunlight and that made you fully wake up before flinched at the eyes of the other players

‘hello, everyone’

you said slowly and you sat up, noticing iwa still sleeping

oiks held his breath bc hes been friends w iwa since he was still a baby and he knows that its like waking up a sleeping dragon

‘wait y/n-chan-’

but you didnt listen and poked his nose

‘iwa-san? iwa-san, we’re here’

you cooed and the poking made his eyes flutter open and with his head still tilted to the side, he swore he saw an angel by the way the sunlight hit the back of your head giving you a smiling angel effect

hm, i could get used to seeing this when i wake up

you grinned and when he finally stretched, you sat up stright, waiting for iwa to get up so you could slide out

but kyo was an impatient little bean and just hoisted you out of there and towards him behind the seat

‘come on. i got your bag’

he mumbled and you nodded, letting him hold your hand

lmao wait i forgot the time this is set

this is set during the 2nd inter-high okay? okay

oiks was still complaining at kyo and iwa hogging you but you didnt listen and continued walking towards the entrance, glancing around at the other teams

as usual, oiks and iwa were walking to the front bc yanno, captain and vice-captain, while you and kyo walked at the back, mainly bc you didnt want any player to stray off like kindaichi did last time and look for him for hours

kyo gripped your hand and you turned your head to look at him to see his eyes glaring at anything

you chuckled which made him look down at you, the glare slowly disappearing

‘hm, kyo-san, you should really invest in contacts. it doesnt matter if wearing glasses makes you feel like a nerd bc you still need it to see’

he scrunched his nose when you scolded him and he was about to retort when him and the team caught the whisperings of the nearby teams

‘oh my god, seijoh and the beautiful manager’

‘how old is she? i hope shes at least a second year’

‘ngh id tap that’

IM BLEEHHHHH

‘is he her boyfriend? if so, the competition isnt that hard then’

kyo growled and was about to lunge at the yellow jacketed boy but you held him back, also worriedly looking at your boys

‘seijoh, down’

you ordered and they shrunk back, opting to just glaring heatedly at the other teams

you could still feel kyo shaking at rage to them sexualizing you but your hands squeezing him and the other hand rubbing his arm helped him control it

‘dont make a scene, kyo-san. its your first competition since your suspension, right? and you love volleyball so please keep it in. i can protect myself’

you whispered but he let go of your hand and wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close and continuing to glare at everyone as if he was asserting dominance

‘if they touch you-’

‘ill kick them between the legs, i know. you told me already’

you teased and he hummed in agreement

when they played, they were at ease bc the two coaches were there and they were also protective of you like their own so they wouldnt have to worry about someone to go after you

however,,

as they were warming up for the second game, you had to quickly fill up their water bottles bc they were already tired and dehydrated so you needed to fill them up

and they were all busy and you didnt want to bother them and you were going to be quick anyways so you just took the case of bottles and ran to the nearby water fountain

you were hurriedly filling them up and at your last bottle, you were about to cap it when you felt a presence behind you

he stood close and his arms snaked around your waist but you hurriedly tightened the lid and whacked him at the head with the heavy bottle

you continuously hit him and kicked him between the legs before hitting him again

‘DONT TOUCH ME AGAIN!’

you shouted and iwa and kyo were watching from the end of the hallway, panting from running so fast since they heard your shouts

okay a little flashback,

kyo was watching you from his perepharal vision and when he went up to spike, he took his eyes off of you for ONE DAMN SECOND and you nyoomed out of there

when he didnt see you anywhere, he wildly looked around and this caught the attention of the vice-captain

‘oi! kyotani! whats wrong?’

‘y/n. where is she?’

they took off running and the team was just like what

then they heard shouts and kyo knew it was you

his mad dog senses

hehe get it

he as about to tackle the guy but he saw you beat him with a water bottle and eventually taking another bottle and kicking him and hitting him with the two waters

the player cowered and scrambled to get away bc wow this girl was psycho

um no sir, she was protecting herself from hormonal testosterone filled children like you

‘YEA GO RUNNING! COME TO ME AGAIN AND ILL BEAT YOU UP HARDER! DISGUSTING! TRASH! GROSS! SCUM!’

maybe it was because the last time you were touched without consent was when you got bullied but you were definitely fighting harder and more aggressive at protecting yourself

you turned around and the rage from your eyes disappeared when you saw the two boys there

‘hey iwa-san! kyo-san! sorry, i needed to fill the water bottles!’

you grinned and placed the bottles back to the case before lugging it up

my god their eyes were shining

yep, thats my girl

when their games were over for the day, they made their way to the exit where the bus was at and you and kyo stayed behind again

you caught the eye of the guy and his team and you and kyo glared at him, both wearing a sadistic smile

UGH YALL ARE COUPLE GOALS I SWEAR

kyo even went up to him and the team shrunk leaving the guy standing there in fear at the look on his face

‘listen, i dont like it when my baby girl gets touched by filthy shite like you. so do it again, and ill chop those damn fingers of yours, got it?’

lmao he’ll come for your ankles

the guy just nodded in fear while his team were cowering at the back

you chuckled and pulled kyo to go bc as much as you liked watching this, you needed to go to the bus to go home

‘cmon, kyo, i want to go. im getting a headache from the smell of garbage’

he shifted his gaze to you and sent you a soft smile

‘okay. lets go’

hah you thought it ends there?

kyo is a dramatic little shite so he made a show of grabbing your waist and kissing your temple before flashing them a finger

oiks was tapping his foot impatiently at the bus and when you and kyo emerged from the entrace, he was about to snatch you up but kyo stood in front of you

‘EH?! KYOKEN-CHAN, I WANT TO SIT WITH Y/N-CHAN!’

‘no’

he said and didnt say anything else as he pulled you to the bus and into a two seater where you sat at the window again and he sat on the outside

‘hah? you want to sit next to me, kyo-san?’

you teased but he flushed red, hurriedly hiding in your neck

you laughed and brought a hand up to caress his nape

‘mhm’

he mumbled and you pursed your lips to hide the squeal

‘youre so cute, kyo-san’

‘not cute’

‘very cute’

‘no’

‘AM I CUTE Y/N-CHAN?’

‘SHUT UP SHITTYKAWA’

kyoken got away from your neck and went to hit the captain

oikawa screamed

a/n: my first week of school was so weird bc we only have like 2 days and the other days are just free days bc we havent really done anything except talk about our classes but im just hating this system like ugh i actually want to go to school bc ya girl is going to a tech school and this 2-day a week is not the vibe

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watchmegetobsessed · 4 years

Text

First Christmas - VALERIE extra blurb (Harry Styles)

❄️ FANFICmas 2020 ❄️

Read more about FANFICmas here!

hiya! i’ve been dying to write a blurb for VALERIE and the time has finally come! expect a few more, im planning to do some in the future, just because i adore their story so... yeah. this is here the story of their first christmas together as an official couple and it’s super fluffy, so get ready!

word count: 2.3k

VALERIE MASTERLIST

masterlist

Sitting on your unzipped suitcase you huff to yourself, making another attempt to zip it, but it’s so stuffed, there’s no way you can do it by yourself. Just on queue, you hear the front door open and close, the soft humming of your boyfriend breaking the silence outside the bedroom.

“Baby?” he calls out as you’re still desperately trying to stay on top of the suitcase and move the zipper around, but it just wouldn’t.

“Bedroom!” you call out with a sigh and a few moments later Harry appears in the door, leaning against the doorframe with an amused smirk on his lips.

“Need any help?” he questions and you nod at him eagerly. “You do realize we’ll be back by the 28th, right? No need to pack all your stuff,” he tells you as he walks over, kneels down and motions for you to just sit on the suitcase while he zips it.

“I do know that, but you know I like to be prepared for everything!” you tell him and gift him with a satisfied grin when he finally manages to shut the zipper. You get off the suitcase and as you both stand up, you wrap your arms around his neck pecking his lips softly while his arms circle around your waist. “Are you excited?” you ask smirking at him.

“Very,” he chuckles lightly, giving your side a gentle squeeze. “Are you excited?” he asks back, keeping his tone delighted, but you can sense his seriousness through his tone, he just wants to make sure you’re not thinking it all over.

This is your first Christmas together. Well, not exactly, but the first one as an official couple. The two of you are staying with your family from the 23rd to the 25th, so you are leaving today, before flying over to the UK and you meet his family for the first time. You’d be lying if you said you are not a mess about that part, but he assured you that his mother already loves you just from what he has told her about you.

“I am excited and a little nervous,” you truthfully tell him. He returns your look with a warm, encouraging gaze. You’ve talked about this a few times and he is always quick to tell you it’s going to be alright, but you both know you’ll only calm down fully when you are finally over your rounds of introduction.

“Mum is all over the place already, she is doing a whole feast just for you,” he chuckles, his fingers gently rubbing your sides.

“She shouldn’t go all out just because of me!” you sigh shaking your head. “Just a simple dinner is perfectly fine.”

“I told her, but she is stubborn. She wants to celebrate that I’m finally bringing someone home,” he smiles down at you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before letting go of you to get rid of his work clothes he has been wearing all day.

“Wait, you haven’t brought anyone home?” you ask, not even trying to hide your surprise. Harry shakes his head no.

“Not since… I was eighteen? I think.”

“Now I see why she is making it into such a big deal.”

“Oh really?” he cocks an eyebrow at you, taking off his white shirt and throwing it into the hamper.

“I’m special. Your first serious girlfriend!” you beam, enjoying the feeling that’s taking over in your chest. Harry chuckles, placing a kiss to the top of your head as he walks past you towards the bathroom.

“Of course you are, baby. I always tell you,” he says before locking himself up in the bathroom to take a shower.

It’s around four when Harry closes up his own suitcase, much lighter than yours, you might add, and the two of you head out of town. This year, the family is going to the same cabin in the woods like last year. It fitted so perfectly previously that everyone agreed to spend another holiday there, so it was settled pretty quickly.

Sitting in the car, with one of Harry’s hands on your thigh you can’t help but smile to yourself. Just a year ago, you were in the exact same situation, but in a whole different setting. Only scraping the surface of your feelings towards Harry, while this year, you’re not only officially a couple, but you are already living together. A little fast down the line, but you couldn’t have it any other way.

“There you are!” your mom greets the two of you upon arriving, basically running down the stairs to wrap you in her arms before she does the same to Harry.

“Hi mom, sorry we are a little late,” you tell her. You were supposed to arrive an hour ago, but your plans fell when Harry emerged from the bathroom, all wet and almost fully naked. You just couldn’t keep your hands to yourself, so you left a little later than you wanted to. No regrets though.

“Don’t worry about it,” she waves in dismiss, helping to get your stuff inside.

Everyone is there, so you run your rounds greeting everyone and the kids don’t hesitate to basically attack Harry. He will not have a moment to himself with those little monsters obsessed with him, but you can’t blame them, you feel the same way about him.

“Oh wow, does this bring you back any memories?” you smile at him upon walking into the same room he had last time, only this time you are both staying in it and you won’t have to invade him to use the amazing shower the room has. Harry smirks at you dropping the suitcases to the floor before he grabs your hand and pulls you to him.

“Mm, that time you were so keen on sleeping next to me both nights? I remember that,” he smirks, so full of himself, you smack his chest gently with a dramatic gasp.

“Excuse me? I bet you were falling for me so hard just by sleeping in the same bed,” you roll your eyes at him.

“Oh, I was already in love,” he simply tells you.

“Really?”

“Mhm, like, properly in love with you. And sleeping with you was like torture especially after seeing you with that dumbface,” he snorts letting go of you to pack out his necessities from his suticase.

You didn’t think he was actually in love with you, but you had a feeling something major was already going on.

“You were jealous?” you ask tilting your head to the side, watching him grab his toothbrush and showergel to put out in the bathroom.

“Baby, I was raging,” he admits making your smile grow wider. “Worst fucking day after the one you rejected me.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” you pout and kiss his lips shortly.

“S’okay. It was all fine in the end,” he smiles before disappearing in the bathroom.

Your heart is so full, spending time with your whole family and having Harry by your side. After everything that happened during the year it’s such a relief to just enjoy the company of your loved ones without a worry. It’s almost like last year, but now you know you are here with the absolute right person and you can’t get enough of Harry interacting with your family members, especially with the little ones. Though he is the godfather to only one of them, you are certain they all see him as a cool uncle and it just feels completely right. His favorite thing to do is to roam around the backyard with Valerie, who is now fast on her little feet and obsessed with going on little adventures with Harry.

This year, instead of drinking in the kitchen all night you choose to do something else to keep you up for quite some time and though you enjoyed playing that game with him a year ago, this version is so much better and satisfying.

Upon gathering around the tree to swap gifts you notice that Rosa looks a little nervous, but when you ask, she just says she didn’t have a good night sleep because Valerie kept pushing on her in the bed and you believe her.

You watch everyone opening their gifts one after the other, wrapping paper slowly covering every inch of the hardwood flooring. You’re sitting between Harry’s legs, one of his arms curled around your shoulders from behind and you melt into his embrace gladly, enjoying this loving moment.

All gifts have been opened when Rosa stands up and tells everyone to stay a little longer. When she returns she has two more, carefully wrapped gifts, She hands one to you and one to your mom.

“It’s for you and dad,” she points at the one at your mom before turning to you, “and this is for you and Harry.”

“We’ve been extra good this year?” you joke as you feel Harry leaning forward to see the gift on your lap over your shoulder and you and your mom start unwrapping it at the same time. You can tell Rosa is anxious about the gifts and you have no idea what to expect as your fingers work on the wrapping paper. Harry rests his chin on your shoulder, watching it curiously as well.

Opening up the box you immediately gasp when you see a little baby bodysuit with the text “I ❤️ aunt Y/N and uncle Harry” written on it. At the same time, your mom squeals in happiness, jumping right into Rosa’s arms as she understands the message as well.

“Rosa! Is this for real?” you ask, feeling your tears filling your eyes, pushing yourself up.

“Yeah,” she chuckles, clearly touched as well. “I’m four weeks along.”

The whole room gasps and soon they all start congratulating your sister on her second baby. You hold the little bodysuit up, feeling Harry’s arm tight around your waist as he takes a look at it as well. Turning around you see the warm smile on Harry’s lips and his gaze meets yours.

“Exciting, right?” you smirk at him.

“Yeah. Another little gremlin around,” he chuckles, but you can tell he is stunned, especially because of what’s on the bodysuit. It doesn’t say anything about godparents, but aunt and uncle. It means that Rosa and Steven already see him as fully part of your family and that they want him to stay for a very long time. You can tell it means a lot to him, having a family in the States, since he often tells you about missing his family throughout the year. He travels home about three times a year, but you can tell he would love to go a lot more often and you also know that your family can’t replace his, nor do you want it to, but it’s nice to know that he has so many people who care about him here as well.

The evening stretches long that night, staying at the dinner table until midnight, just talking and having a good time before you all start returning to your rooms. You let Harry take a shower first while you reply to some texts from your colleagues and after you are done in the shower as well, you find him already lying in bed, scrolling through his phone, waiting for you to join him. He places the phone to his nightstand when you crawl under the covers, curling up to his side as he wraps his arms around you.

“So, how was your first Christmas with us as my boyfriend?” you ask with a cheeky smile, resting your chin on his naked chest, fingers tracing his tattoos around his collarbones.

“Hmm, he hums to himself and you can already tell he is gonna say something dirty. “It definitely involved more sex than last year,” he states making you laugh.

“You’re such a pig,” you snort, but can’t bite back your smile either.

“I had a blast,” he answers then truthfully. “I loved it last year, but it was even better this time.” His beautiful green eyes meet yours as you push yourself up so your lips could connect with his.

“Can’t wait to have another baby around,” you tell him with an excited smile, knowing well your eyes are sparkling from the news you received today.

“Yeah,” he nods, a lot calmer, but you can tell he feels just the same amount of happiness as you do. “Our kids will have a shit ton of cousins and second cousins,” he chuckles softly, not even aware how his words just made your heart flutter.

“Our kids?” you ask back, smile growing wider as you stare up at him.

“I mean… yeah,” he nods, seemingly nervous that you caught his slip, he clearly didn’t think through what it really meant. “You want kids, right?” he asks, a little unsure.

“Of course. Do you want kids?”

“Definitely,” he confidently answers.

“And do you want to have them with me?” you ask, feeling a little shy. Though he didn’t give you any reasons he has different plans, you still felt the urge to ask.

“Yeah,” he softly says, eyes meeting yours as he is searching for any sign that what he said scared you away, but it’s clearly the opposite. “Is that… okay with you?” he questions and his uncertain, little anxious tone makes you chuckle.

“You’re asking me if it’s okay that you want to have kids with me?” you ask, finding his phrasing funny and he chuckles as well realizing that he could have said it in a better way.

“I guess,” he smirks.

“I’m okay with that,” you pat his chest and push yourself up to meet your lips with his again. “Not now though, but soon.”

“Yeah, I’m fine with that. I like that it’s just the two of us now,” he admits, eyes soft and loving on you, fingers gently caressing your arm that’s draped across his stomach. You return his smile before nuzzling your head back onto his chest.

“I like that too.”

VALERIE TAGLIST

@f-vasquezp @perspnhel @http-cherries @h-arrystyles @just-damn-bored @millennial-teenybopper @sarcasticallywitty15 @gwenlovesharrystyles @perfectywrong @do-youseeme @burberryharold @irwindoll @stylesfics-xx @sltwins @mellamolayla @funeral-7 @yourkidsfavbabysitter @nesiamenick @dontworrysunflower @rainbowbutterflyboy

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saturnsummer · 3 years

Text

permanently inked (G rated)

notes: since everyone freaked out over beam’s tattoo on twitter, i was very much inspired to write a situation when joonhwi gets a tattoo and sol finds out. here's a G rated version, which slightly more details than my twitter one!

joon has always liked the idea of having a tattoo

no, he doesn’t mean the kind you see on mafia gangs or yakuzas. he means the dainty one of fine calligraphy and those minimalistic arts.

but he was never certain of what to get. a ramyeon bowl seemed like what a child would think. having inked the name of his mother or father seemed…too odd. after all, he didn’t grow up with them.

but his uncle…it was a different story.

his uncle from the beginning was his superman. from a young age, he loved sitting in the lap of his uncle while reading reports and asking his uncle the meanings of words of ‘perjury’ and ‘defamation’.

even after his passing, when all the truth had been dug up, he tried all he could to stay angry at his uncle. but all he found was guilt, shame, and regret.

but why does he so badly want something to remember his uncle by?

so when he found himself looking at different tattoo designs, he knew that he wasn’t going to be forgetting about this idea any time soon.

he scrolled through many, many ideas. traditional calligraphy. pictures and outlines. but none of them appealed to him. they were all too cliche or not to his liking at all.

and him as a future prosecutor? he rather have a tattoo somewhere hidden so his clients wouldn’t be scared off.

then he finally stumbled upon a photo of someone’s designed tattoo. it was nothing too complicated, minimalistic and in pure black thin ink.

but what struck him was how it was an outline of a man, with spectacles alongside a lady with long hair.

at that moment, he just knew that this was the design he was going to use. he immediately went to flip through different photos of him and his uncle, but as soon as he started looking at the most recent one, his heart sank.

because all he could remember was how angry he felt towards him, and how misunderstood his uncle must have felt. how lonely he was to die alone with no one by his side. how…he died for the sins of another.

a tear slipped as he shut his album. he quickly stored the album back into his cabinet, but a printed picture fell out and fluttered to the floor. picking it up, he managed a small smile.

it was a photo of him and his uncle on his tenth birthday. he was all smiles, in his favourite power rangers shirt, and his uncle, looking so much younger than before, rid of burdens, tears and troubles, actually giving a smile.

it was the most memorable birthday of joonhwi’s, considering that it was one of the birthdays that his uncle gifted him his favourite action figure along with new books and a playstation 2.

staring at the photo, he couldn’t help but be reminded of the times his uncle would come home with different ramyeon flavours and cooked them in a special way.

eighteen years later, he has still not figured out how to recreate the taste of the ramyeon of his childhood.

with that, he took the picture, stuffed it in pocket and headed out the front door of his dorm room.

but he stopped as he locked the dorm room. what would jiho say? or his new girlfriend, sol? tattoos weren’t a big thing in korea. will they shun him, like society does? or will they accept him despite the permanent decision?

just at that moment, sol called him as she asked if he wanted to have lunch. he hesitated, and asked if he could meet her at the entrance of school. sol just hung up and joonhwi went ahead to the entrance.

there, her hair in a high bun and in a simple sweater and shorts, stood his girlfriend of one month. greeting her with a small peck, she blushes as she ask what’s up.

“what? what do you mean what’s up? how do you know im troubled?”

“everything about your voice says it. spill it, what is it?”

joonhwi couldn’t lie, especially not to her. bringing her to sit at the plush chairs of the lobby, he tells her about his want of having a tattoo, how he wants one to remember his uncle by. not the one that died, but the one from his childhood.

“joon, that’s so sweet of you. you sure? it’s permanent, you know. you won’t regret it?”

“no. sol, it’s been on my mind since i was, what, 21? i just never knew what to get. and…you’re not mad? you’re not disapproving of me?”

“how could i? joonhwi, when i said i’ll be rooting for you in your uncle’s place, I meant it. you aren’t impulsive like i am, and you’ve said it. you wanted it since 21. it’s been seven years, I think it’s a decision you won’t let go, no?”

and he finally realises that the entire time he’s talking she’s been smiling the whole time and nodding while holding his hand in his lap.

sol was never one to judge, and he couldn’t have loved her more at that moment when she kissed his knuckles and pulled him up telling him “come on now, let’s go!”

and with that, hand in hand, all thoughts of lunch was forgotten as they headed to the streets of town to a tattoo shop, safely hidden away from the main streets.

joonhwi had done plenty of research for this particular shop. he has seen the work of the artist, the way her steady hands created straight lines and thin minimalist styles of art. it was what he wanted.

nervously, he explained with the lady what he had in mind as the lady sat patiently and listened, tracing the photo over with tracing paper and asking if she could take a photo.

he contacted the lady a couple more times, as she forwarded different designs, styles and artworks over to him. with sol, they spent hours deciding on the best design.

sol and joonhwi went through the designs in secret on their quiet nights at the bleachers as sol pointed out her concerns with one design and he sat, chocolate milk in hand as they zoomed in on the fine details and shortlisted them.

ultimately, they concluded on the one he always wanted; a minimalistic piece that just outlined his uncle and him. no special shadings, colours or anything. thin, neat and simple. his uncle would have liked it, considering how he knows that the only reason why he is neat is because he observed the way his uncle would adjust the books on the table to perfectly align with the edge.

on the day of the appointment, joonhwi thought of where to put it. he knew he had to keep it hidden away, so somewhere on his arm wasn’t the best idea.

“joonhwi, how about your chest?”

“?”

“well…you said you want to hide it, after all, our future jobs aren’t exactly best for tattoos. having it on your chest would be the best, wouldn’t it?”

sol made some sense. it was a good spot to keep it concealed, yet meaningful enough. his uncle was always going to be in his heart and he will always be remembered.

so as the tattoo artist imprinted the design blueprint on his chest, just above his heart, he stared at the mirror with the design.

he was finally doing it.

sol came over behind him as she stepped in front, looking at the tattoo on his bare chest. her fingers traced it lightly before his hand caught hers.

“you sure?”

“i am. i am now.”

“it looks beautiful.”

leaning back onto the chair, sol grabbed onto his hand and squeezed it for comfort.

“if it hurts, just squeeze my hand, alright? it’ll be over in a bit.”

the artist got to work, as she dipped the needle into the ink, needling the ink permanently into his skin. joonhwi’s eyes were shut as he held his breath from the sting.

sol rubbed his biceps as she whispered to him. “you’re okay, it’s alright. shall we get ramyeon or army stew later?”

joonhwi knew sol was trying to distract him. and so he did his best. he chatted about their meals later, what should they do with the next week before they get back to school with their regular lessons. sol suggested to start studying, but joonhwi only agreed if sol were to take it easy and not cram. as a 3L, she didn’t need to faint again.

sol was right, though. distracting him worked, as the artist finally finished her work on him and wiped the blood and ink, before cleaning it. she stuck a clear film on it, and advised him on how to properly care for it for the next two weeks.

as promised, sol and joonhwi dined out at a army stew restaurant in town they always wanted to visit and they had a nice quiet lunch, a rare day for them to be on a date alone and eating out.

jiho found out the night after, as he noticed the different aftercare products on joonhwi’s desk. he didn’t say anything or ask, but nodded in acceptance. (secretly, he thinks his hyung looks cool.)

as they met with the group on casual study sessions, bokgi pointed out the plastic under joonhwi’s white shirt and joonhwi finally announces he has a tattoo.

“HYUNG THAT'S SO COOL WOAH” is what bokgi says before earning a smack from sol who clicks her tongue disapprovingly. “min bokgi, don't get any ideas of having a tattoo!”

bokgi was about to argue back, but realised that he was indeed about to say he wants one too. joonhwi just laughs as he wraps his arm around sol's waist.

when they find out what it meant, they fall silent.

"it's lovely. i think it's poetic" yeseul says, but the tension was still there. they knew how much joonhwi respected, admired, hated, resented his uncle. despite all the emotions and thick tension, joonhwi stood up, "come on, they're serving dakgalbi today, let's discuss our weekend plans over lunch."

two weeks later, as joonhwi removed the bandage on his chest, he smiled at the permanent memory of his uncle, now engraved on his chest above his heart.

maybe he did enjoy his childhood.

his emotions were always temporary. his anger, guilt, shame, happiness, sadness. but one thing he knew he wanted was permanent was his memory of his uncle. the one he grew up loving, the superman he looked up to.

the uncle, seo byungju, that raises him like his own son.

#law school kdrama #law school #law school netflix #law school jtbc #jtbc law school #kim bum #ryu hye young #kang sol a x han joon hwi #kang sol a #han joon hwi #tattoos #fluff #tattooed kim beom #original by akinosakiya #solhwi #joonsolA

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jade-of-mourning · 3 years

Text

theformat wrote, "im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

in which i spontaneously take several hours to translate nate’s awfully punctuated commentary on dog problems into Comprehensive English Words. partially so i can write my stupid essay on it for fun. but yes here you go, 4.2k words from a 2006 livejournal archive that i managed to snatch out of two saves. here’s a link if you want to read it from the source, but i’ll have you know it’s a nightmare. early 2000′s nate ruess learn how to type properly challenge.

theformat wrote,

[@ 2006-5-18 18:44:00]

"im floating with the birds im talking to the weeds look what youve done to me"

Hi,

Sitting on my couch, watching ESPN. Damn, it’s good to be home. Things have been pretty crazy the last 6 months. As a lot of you know, we were dropped by our label — we went and recorded a new record, labels became interested, [and] we decided to release it ourselves. We went on tour, and now I’m [...] home for the next week: my first week off in six months. What do I do?

Well, my roommate and I got memberships to the YMCA down the street from our house. It’s an amazing place. Downtown Phoenix is pretty much an amazing place. It’s not like the rest of the state — speaking of which, I’m declaring war on Scottsdale, it’s the opposite of Downtown Phoenix.

Anyways, so I wake up at 9am every morning. I don’t know what it is, really — I’ve been a "pro" musician for about 3 years now, [and] we are supposed to wake up at 11 or 12. I know some dudes that wake up at 1, but no; since I’ve been home the last few days, I’ve been going to bed at 1 and waking up at 9. My roommate has a job, [so] I think it has to do with that.

See, there are 3 showers total in our house. I have the big bedroom, so I have the big shower, [and] since I’ve been off on tour and recording, he has gotten used to the nice shower in my room (Which is fine — anyone that’s gotten close to me knows I’m not too fond of showers, so it’s not like I use it that much). So every morning around 8:45, I wake up to my door opening and my roommate going through my room to use the shower.

You know what it’s like when you’re half asleep but you want to act like you’re awake so as not to freak someone out with all the crazy babble, but you just end up saying all the same crazy babble? I do that every morning. I turn and look at him and try to act like I wasn’t just dreaming about tootsie rolls and parrots that shatter like glass. "Hey [Roommate's Name], that was some game last night" [is what usually] comes out of my mouth — something to that extent — and I think he feels sorry for me, but continues to walk right into my bathroom, and use the shower.

At this point, I’m awake. I usually have to pee, and I have to then use his restroom. It’s a terrible swap, and it always ends with me wide awake on my front porch (har har) smoking a cigarette and wondering how the hell I’m gonna fall back asleep when the air conditioning is broken. Ah, what a wonderful life at home, [but] that’s the weird thing — I love it. Now we wake up and we go to the [YMCA]. We run, we play basketball, we jump in the pool, we play pool basketball, we get yelled at for dunking the ball. We don’t use soap before we go into the sauna, and the night usually ends with a poker tournament. This is the life I love to live when I’m away from the road. It too is the opposite of Scottsdale. It’s who I am, [and] it’s pretty much who I’ve become.

See, for the last 23 years, it’s been about the highs and the lows for me. I’ve got an addictive personality, [so] I stay away from a lot of things because of this; however, when I find things, I get generally excited. I go crazy. It’s all I think about and all I do for the next howeverlong. For the first 23 years, it was either talking non-stop or locking myself in my room. It’s either great or terrible; not good or bad. Dog Problems changed that.

Initially, Dog Problems was supposed to be that — the original concept of Dog Problems was to be 2 sides of music, the first half taking over where Interventions [+ Lullabies] had left off: "We'll be together in the morning…"

We weren’t, in fact. We were over before Interventions was even released. We were over two weeks after it was recorded, [and] I spent the next 2 years feeling terrible. We got back together… we broke up… we got dogs… we broke up… we got back together and got dogs…

I was still miserable, but I wanted Dog Problems to get me through everything. I wanted it to help me, not anyone else — just me. The first side was supposed to be me down in the dumps [and] everything that went down: how the two of us were dealing with it differently, [and] the second half was supposed to be a realization.

The first inkling of realization was a day [when] we were on tour. We were all laughing about something I’m sure Marko or Adam said. Here I was supposed to be depressed, but the fact that I can spend all of my days in different states with my best friends, all of us doing what we love — that was major! Then my mom called… I’ve got my parents! My friends! What else could I possibly need?

At that point, I felt as if a relationship in a Michael Bolton sort of way didn’t mean anything. It was the people you surrounded yourself with — those were the people that made the difference, and that was going to be side two. I was convinced that when I just closed my eyes and thought about the wonderful people around me, I was going to be great. Not good, [but] great.

I didn’t get that far, no. I got back into the relationship.

I was sure it was going to work. At that point, life would be perfect, and we all want perfection right? [But] things went right back to far from perfect. Things went to terrible. I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, but I had a concept. At that point, I figured that even by singing and recording these positive songs I was going to feel better, so Sam showed me what was then just a short acoustic guitar version of Snails.

This was it. This was my first chance to prove to myself that life can be beautiful. The thing is, I had never been more miserable. I remember writing the lyrics to Snails: my roommate was at work, I was on the bed, on my night stand was a giant bottle of booze, and somewhere off in California she wasn’t calling me back on a Friday night. So I went to work, listened [to it] over and over. I wanted to get it right; I wanted to be positive. I passed out, then I woke up the next morning [with a] big headache (P.S. drinking is not really that cool; it’s cool when you condemn it for the first 22 years of your life, then it becomes not cool, then it becomes ok when you moderate yourself) and I started writing everything positive I could think of. [...] Snails was, in Sam’s mind, supposed to be a 2 minute kid’s song, [but] I wrote so much that there was no going back. I thought that was it — Snails solved all of my problems.

It didn’t get that far either. Nothing could shake the depression, [and] I really started to worry about myself. Here I want to feel great, but I only feel terrible, [and] a few months later it got really really bad. I had to go to my parents house that night, I didn’t want to be at my house. I wanted to feel like a kid.

It’s funny how we always want to be adults when we're younger. We want to drive cars, we want to have girlfriends. I still didn’t consider myself an adult — all I wanted was to come home, be tucked in, know that everything was going to be alright. I woke up the next day [and found out] she met someone new. I’ve got to figure myself out…

In the meantime, we've got 4 songs we are recording over at our friend Aaron’s house (he is an amazing producer and [...] musician, and his house and his roommates have gotten me through a lot of tough times. They’re some of the only people I know who would rather spend their Saturdays getting dinner and watching a movie instead of going to a party. I like that). All of this turmoil in my relationship was going on at the time, and I was trying to write side two [but] I couldn’t. There was more fuel to side one. These songs have to be done, so I wrote about what I knew, and at that point I knew how to feel terrible.

So much for side two. Dog Problems is going to be one giant mess of depression and "look what you’ve done to me".

Atlantic got those four songs, as well as a few others. They were not psyched, to say the least, but some people at the label actually cared about it enough to say "go record". So we were able to pick our producer, we met with a few people, talked to a few more. Things were looking up. Dog Problems was going to happen.

I remember meeting Steve McDonald at his house — Sam and I were excited to be [there] because we knew his wife Anna would probably be there. Anna was the lead singer/songwriter for a band we used to obsess about called "That Dog", her brother was one of the ten drummers in the world that I actually liked, so Steve couldn't be so bad. And he wanted to produce our record, so he had to be pretty cool!

He was just that, and more. Sam and I were eating every word that came out of his mouth. He had stories; he was young, hip, energetic, and yet very all knowing. We saw someone that was going to let us do whatever we wanted to do, and in the meantime he was going to make us laugh and make sure we didn't lose our minds. From that point on, I knew there was someone I could always trust. I made a friend pretty quick.

Things were moving forward. Steve McDonald was to be the producer. I hated Los Angeles so there was no way in hell I was going to record there, [so] we decided Palm Springs would be perfect. Weird, but perfect. I had a phone conversation with Steve that night and we were finalizing everything. I was going to call Atlantic in the morning and let them know just how everything was going to work, [but] I didn't get that far.

I was sleeping in a blowup bed at the house when my phone rang. I didn’t wake up and answer like it was my roommate and he was coming into my room to use my shower, [because] this call felt different. Right away, I was awake.

It was our manager: "You’ve been dropped."

When I heard that, the first thought going through my mind wasn’t "Oh man...how are we going to be famous now and make boat loads of money?" It was more like "fuck...but Dog Problems. We were supposed to go make Dog Problems."

The thing is, Atlantic wasn’t into Dog Problems. They were into whatever it was they thought we were. Never had The First Single made more sense — what was supposed to be a song about getting the band started and doing something with it had actually turned into a song about how stuck we were in the labels eyes because of the song. I was past that; we're proud of something we wrote when we were 19 and 20, but when I think of music, I think of progression.

I think of all of the wonderful records I had been introduced to when I had nothing to do riding in a van. I think of all of the new influences, all the instruments, all of the "How did they do that?" And I think of how much it gets me through everything.

Music has been the consecutive[ly] great[est] thing in my life. It’s been that one thing, and with Dog Problems, it wasn’t about "I want everyone to sing along because I can write a catchy song." It was about feeling. It was paying tribute to all of the bands that we obsessively listened to. It was for Harry Nilsson and Van Dyke Parks, it was for Jellyfish and XTC. It was our way of saying thanks for making our lives better, whether it be lyrically or musically. It was never about being something, being told something, and sticking to something. It was an adventure, for the artist and for the listener.

[And] they didn't get that. They wanted the old record, the old songs, just with different words and a few different chords here and there. They didn’t care about Snails or Dog problems [or] what it meant to write those songs. They knew it wasn't going to be huge; the guitars were not big enough (if big guitars are your thing that’s fine, it’s just not really our thing right now); it wasn’t going to be competitive, and so they dropped us. And rightfully so: we weren’t going to change, and obviously the major label business is never going to change, [so] now it comes down to who goes down first. And we weren’t ready to go down.

Sam and I had conversations about it, whether the business end of things have been fucking with us so much that we'll never be sane enough to just enjoy it. We thought about getting out — it wasn’t [be]cause we hated each other, or the songs; it was because we hated the business.

Steve called to let us know that he was still onboard, label or not, [and] we let him know we were still on board. We were going to make this record, [and] I was going to feel great! But the record was going to cost something. How could we afford it?

We were lucky that we had a management company like Nettwerk. Not only are they the most forward-thinking music business people around, [but] they’re also (for the most part) Canadian. Oh, and they care a shit load about the music we make. They could have waited for the ship to sink, but they told us they would pay for the record if need be. Fortunately, we were able to get money for getting dropped — Atlantic actually paid us to leave, so we could afford the recording ourselves. The only stipulation was that it had to be done quicker, and when you want something quick, you have to go to the "right here, right now" capitol of the world: Los Angeles. I was a little irked at the thought at first, then Steve said it was his personal goal to make LA a wonderful city for me. Like I said, I would jump off a cliff if Steve said it was the best way to get coffee, but I wasn’t jumping off of cliffs. I was too excited to make Dog Problems, [so] LA it was.

Sam and I moved to the "Silver Palace" in Silverlake California in the middle of December. We found an amazing studio in Burbank, California and an amazing engineer in Ken Sluiter, and our goal was to just do everything free from a record label and someone constantly messing up the recording process by saying things like "that’s not high octave enough". The only pressure we had at all was from our manager saying "You have a tour you accepted in March, [so] get it done by then.” Other than that, it was me, Sam, Steve, and Ken working 13 hours a day for 6 days a week.

It became our lives we were putting so much of ourselves into. Everyone that worked and played on the record was the same way when they were there contributing. I would leave the studio at 2 in the morning and wake up at 10 to be at the studio by 11. There was no free time — the four of us were so invested in this. We all bought into the concept.

In the meantime, things outside of the studio were getting interesting. We had a lot of labels calling and constantly asking about it. During one week of recording, I remember at least 3 different label people coming down to the studio. Our minds weren’t made up as to what we were doing with the record once it was recorded — all we wanted to do was finish it — but we kept our options open and let people sit in the big chair and listen to what we had been working on. The response was overwhelmingly positive, but we didn’t really think about it too much beyond the compliments we were receiving. Sam and I got used to LA — I was 10 minutes away from where I had been the previous summer when I was back "on" in my “on and off" relationship. I was ten minutes from her, she was calling every day, I was singing about it… but how was it not getting to me? Why did I not care?

My phone was off. I woke up in Silverlake one morning and started wondering why for the last month I had a smile on my face. Sure, I was down at times, but the thing that had been bringing me down for 3 years was now the last thing on my mind. Apparently, it had been that way for awhile. Something that took 3 years to get over… I was finally just okay with it. No big realization — just the fact that things happen. People make mistakes. And I came out of it alright. I was good; not great… I was good, and that felt good.

I wasn’t looking for great anymore. I was okay. The last song on Dog Problems is all about that. Here, this record was supposed to be the downs, and the ups, and it ended with the middle: the realization that I don’t need to be talking; I don’t need to be locked in my room — I need to enjoy what’s going on around me. And if things go wrong, they go wrong. There’s always tomorrow.

Dog Problems means so much to me in so many different ways. I’ve never been more proud of anything in my life. I cried so many times during the making of the record. All the money I had spent on therapy, and all I had to do was go make a record, realize that I’m alright, and realize that I made something that I’ll forever be proud of.

Shit… the record was supposed to be about how California can change you for the worse, [but] it played a huge part in doing the opposite!

So as we were putting the finishing touches on the record (all our friends came in and recorded! A ton of people we admired came and worked on the record! All of their responses were so positive that it's hard not to get an ego about it. These are the people I worship. They’re the ones I wanted to pay tribute to, and they think we've made something unique and special. It’s like Michael Jordan telling you that you have a nice jump shot (no more sports references… I swear I’m done)) and we started to think about what we were going to do with it. How we were going to release it. Labels were getting pretty into it, and we knew we would have to make a decision soon.

After much debate and discussion, we decided that the record was something we had made completely on our own, so why not release it completely on our own? Nettwerk was going to take care of the distribution so it would have a major label distro. It would be inside all of the Best Buys; what more did we want? We didn’t want a big fat check — we did that last time. It made us miserable, and nothing came out of it. Barely anyone at the labels helped us, we weren’t making music videos, our songs weren’t on the radio, so why would we take their criticism? After all, everything that we’ve done — any success we’ve had is from being real people who make music. From showing up to play, from 3 years on the road.

On Interventions [+ Lullabies], there might have been an Elektra logo on the back of the record, but it ended right there. We were the ones SHOWING people who we were. I wouldn’t have it any other way — no one knows us better than ourselves, so why not release it ourselves? To me, it’s not only a testament to the hard work we put into the band (Mike, Don, Marko, Toco, everyone else involved in putting these songs to life — you guys are the best thing we have. It’s pretty special when your best friends are some of the most talented musicians), but I really feel like the people who come to our shows are such good people that they don’t give a fuck what label it’s on.

They are there because we are doing something positive, and because we care about them as much as they care about us. So for the time being we've said "fuck the middleman": we're the only people we can blame at this point. I’m so tired of even talking about major labels and the split and everything like this. The music is the only thing I care about. Dog Problems is the only thing I care about, so why let someone else ruin it?

The Vanity Label was born.

The record got finished. We had no time to rehearse, and we had to go right back out to tour. Our first show before the Motion City Soundtrack tour was in Nashville — I remember the last time we were in Nashville, there were about ten kids. Reuben’s accomplice kept asking them why they hate whales, so we figured why not go there and get some of the rust out of the way. After all, we haven't toured in a year so there should be like 3 kids there; we can mess up if need be.

Unfortunately, we were not allowed to mess up. On a Sunday night in Nashville, with Ted Leo playing across the street (I <3 Ted), our first headlining show outside of Arizona in almost a year was over sold out. What the fuck happened?

We thought we were going to have to play for another 3 years just to get back to where we were when we left, and yet it’s sold out on a Sunday night? It didn’t end there either — the whole tour went like that… night after night ("nite after nite?"). I couldn't believe it. As if having Dog Problems wasn’t enough, now we have people showing their support in the most positive way: coming to the shows, being there from the only thing they knew before. Those two months were such good months. It was the last thing I expected. Thanks so much to all the bands that played with us, and thanks so much for everyone that came to the shows and sang along. We'll be back in July.

In the meantime, things were going great on the Vanity Label front. Business actually felt natural. We are shooting a video with the directors we had always dreamed of doing a video with (it won’t be serious...no pouty face). There were magazines like AP and online magazines like AP taking notice, supporting the whole idea and concept. We actually took press photos. I’ve never been through any of this before, it’s exciting. I don’t think it’s going to change who we are, not one bit, but it’s still exciting to see people who can help out actually help out.

So where does that leave me now? Sitting on my bed. I’ve rambled for hours, the air still doesn't work, and I’ve been told that Dog Problems (something that isn't supposed to come out till July) has been leaked. Not the best news when you just got out of the pool, but it happens. I freaked out at first — I thought I was going to lock myself in my room. After all, this is something that we spent over two years making. It’s something that you have to take the time… listen to in headphones… play loud… listen to in order of the tracks… the artwork… Sam did the best artwork he has ever done. The packaging is something we paid extra for because Sam’s concept was so brilliant, and now… it’s leaked on the internet? I was locking my door, then our manager called.

"Hello?"

"We're releasing it on the website today."

"Wow."

So, here goes. You’ve read enough. I shouldn’t have to go on about it anymore, but I will say, if you wanna wait for the full hard copy release then do so. It’s July 11 — we are gonna be touring right after that — but if you want to get it now,.please do it by purchasing it right here. We released it, it’s our money, it’s our little baby — you should take the time to listen to it all the way through, free of distraction. You should turn the songs into your own. It’s an adventure, and it’s something that we put everything we have into; and if anyone deserves it first, it’s you guys who have been here with us all along.

Without further ado...

"Dog Problems"

- Nate

#dog problems #the format #nate ruess #basically: dog problems; a lyrical & musical & emotional masterpiece #i honestly feel like i don't even need to write that essay anymore wtf #4.2k words baby that took me ages to edit bc he has the WORST typing habits #every half statement is interspersed with ellipses and there are no apostrophes and everything was no caps lmaooo #moving on #this is absolutely my favorite album ever and holy shit #finally reading this post in its entirety gave me so much more insight it's wild #i'm like so fucking emotional help jhfhbjgfhsdkg #i'm just glad he's doing alright now and having a good time even if music isn't a big part of his life anymore #and i also feel like i understand the breaking up of fun. a lot more as well #hell i just really understand nate ruess in general a lot more and it's really nice #bc he's been my favorite artist for a while and i know a lot of people shit on him for his personality but like. fuck off people are people #and u know. if work permits is my favorite song so hearing shit about it makes me happy #truly makes me appreciate the album more than i already did #and makes me get why it's the only part of his discography he still actually likes #even though OBJECTIVELY SPEAKING they are all Excellent but okay then nate

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disaster-fruit · 3 years

Note

67 with the pairing of your choice?

67) “If you want to cum you’d better beg.”

I wasnt gonna write this one with brarg since oxiosa already did it but then i realized we didnt actually get to see martin begging, so yep, its brarg.

Trans luci again because im in a mood these days apparently

CW: sounding

Martín considered himself a simple man in love. Love, the feeling, could be messy and intense and painful, but was, at its core, extremely simple. So was love the act. He never quite got the appeal of complicating it, of adding to it more than what came naturally and easily.

Loving Luciano challenged this a little. Martín, who had never used a single toy before, now had memorized the different sizes and feelings of each option in Luciano’s small dildo collection, and interrupting a make-out session to announce in a breathless whisper his choice for the night had quickly become a habit. He got used to these small changes, these moments of interruption and of waiting, but loving him was still, at the end of the day, extremely easy and extremely simple. Most of the time.

But once he got used to one type of toy, curiosity about others got the best of him. And Luciano, who had more experience with those things, was always more than happy to indulge his curiosity, but he had his own curiosities too. Mostly, about Martín himself, like an object of study, of a fascinated pursuance on how best to break him.

And that’s how they ended up like this.

Martín was on his back on the bed, with his hips settled on Luciano’s thighs. He wasn’t restrained, in theory, but in practice Luciano’s order – said softly like a request, a mere suggestion, but with a firm edge underneath – was very clear. Martín had both hands busy holding his legs spread up in the air, offering himself, granting Luciano full access, which was somehow much more embarrassing than having the choice completely taken from him with a physical restrain. And he was to remain like this, because Luciano needed both hands free.

Luciano was comfortably seated over his ankles, with only the tip of his vibrator inside Martín, buzzing lowly at minimum speed. All his focus was on the shiny metal rod on his hands, sliding on his palm to generously cover it with lube. It was about the size of a straw, but silver and cold, with small ridges along the length and a ring on top. It was something called a sound, and it was more intimidating than it had looked on the website.

“Remember,” Luciano said with a small lazy smile. “That you can’t come with this inside.” He took Martín’s erection in one hand, holding it straight. “But don’t worry, I’ll take it out when you’re close.” His other hand positioned the sound hovering over the small entrance on Martín’s cock. “If you ask nicely.”

Martín swallowed at the hidden threat behind these words. He closed his eyes shut when Luciano gently pushed the tip of the rod inside, but a hiss escaped from his mouth. The sound slid down easily with its own weight, controlled by the little ring on the top so that it would go slowly. Its ribbed body somewhat reminded Martín of Luciano’s textured dildos, but the feeling itself was quite different, and completely new. Every tiny ridge seemed to go through a thousand nerves in his cock he had never known were there, and though it burned, the pain itself was surprisingly little. Martín groaned in approval and slowly opened his eyes to find Luciano smiling it him, holding the sound still by the ring before it was fully in.

He pushed his hips slightly forward, making Martín moan in surprise as the vibrator went in a little further, stopping also not fully in, but very close to his sweet spot. Luciano moved again, very little, and when Martín let out a helpless cry of pleasure as he hit it, he halted.

He turned the vibration up a few points, making Martín’s entire body shake. He was used to being pounded and filled, but that constant, loveless stimulation of the vibrator only in enough to hit his spot was its own experience. Satisfied with his reaction, Luciano remained still and let the sound slide down all the way, and that was when Martín understood the trouble he had gotten himself into.

He gasped at first then threw his head back in an open moan. His heart was racing on his chest, his nails dug deep on the soft flesh of his tights to the point of hurting as a lightning strike seemed to destroy the whole world around him. It hit, so, so right, so strange yet familiar, overwhelming and maddening and new.

He read on the internet about how sounds could be used to hit the prostate from inside, in a way that was even better than the usual way. That had seemed very interesting, but Martín wasn’t expected to get both at the same time, and certainly no one could’ve prepared him for this. And Luciano was using a free hand to calmly stroke him from the outside, in such a combination of sensations, so much at the same time from every direction, yet Martín was thankful for the warm touch of skin, soothing him, taking care of him. The position didn’t let them kiss, but Luciano was softly rubbing his cheek against Martín’s leg, that was what he had closer at reach, grounding him to his loving attention.

“Good?”

Martín nodded a little more desperately than he would’ve liked, but Luciano looked very pleased. He pulled the sound slowly and Martín had to bite his lips to hold a moan as he slid it down again. He settled into a rhythm, sliding a little further every time, but pulling back before he could quite hit it again, at least most times. He would randomly let it slide down all the way to drink from Martín’s helpless reactions, but making each time a complete surprise. Martín had never imagined he could be fucked there, but yes, there wasn’t another word for it. Fucked inside out, there was nothing simple, nothing easy, nothing natural about it, but it was so, so right.

At some point he didn’t even quite see, Luciano raised the speed of the vibrator a little more, and Martín felt himself close incredibly fast, but using every will in his body he held it back.

“Something wrong, honey?” Luciano asked in an infuriatingly smug tone. “Close already?”

Martín refused to answer.

“Cat got your tongue?”

Martín bit down his lip harder. Luciano let the sound down completely, and his world was spinning. He was so close, if he talked, if he moved, if he let it go for even a second, he would come.

“Just say it, baby. Just say it and you can cum.”

His voice was so sweet, like warm honey luring him in. Martín was decided not to ask, Luciano couldn’t torture him forever, he told himself he couldn’t, but he was shaking and his body was promising such delicious release, he couldn’t hold back forever.

“Please, I-”

Luciano giggled, and, looking at him with his eyes full of love, thrusted his hips forward and buried the vibrator completely in him for the first time. Martín screamed in shock, and he would’ve come, he would’ve come beautifully but the sound was still fully in place.

“You can do better than that.” He whispered, so softly it could’ve been sweet loving words, if Luciano wasn’t evil. “I love making you feel good, baby. But if you want to cum, you’d better beg.”

Martín wanted to cry. He had held back orgasms before, to make a moment last longer, but he had never been denied one. He’d never let someone have such power over him, such control of his pleasure as to demand something like this. He didn’t beg, he- But Luciano was fucking him again with that evil little sound, pulling it by the ring like an evil puppet master about to make him say anything he wanted. Martín held his breath, not ready to give in even as he pushed it down, slow, always slow, and the vibrator now fully in him and at maximum speed, and well, at least Luciano wasn’t properly fucking him there too, it was already too much as it was. But he was smiling, such a relaxed little smile.

“Spread your legs a little wider for me, love. You’ve closed them a bit.” He asked, or it sounded like an ask, but it very much was an order.

And Martín hated following orders, so it was incredibly frustrating that the hidden authority in his words were more arousing than anything else. And Martín obeyed.

“Good boy.”

He would die on that bed, he was sure of it. He wouldn’t survive this man. Luciano started rocking his hips slowly, settling everything in one single rhythm, from the hand stroking his cock to the sound and the vibrator inside him. Martín felt his whole body shiver, his denied orgasm wasn’t even allowed to dissipate, and now Luciano was sliding the rod all the way every time, making sure to drive him mad. It was so much, from all directions, the tension pooling in his stomach was begging for release, begging for him to beg.

There was just so much he could take.

“Please, Luci, please. Please my love, I’m-” his voice came in breathless desperate gasps. “Let me- Please.”

He heard a chuckle. Luciano pushed his entire body forward, buried the vibrator all the way inside him, and pulled the sound out in one swift move. The way out was in itself maddening, with every single ridge passing through again, and the moment it was out Martín felt his orgasm take over completely.

After such delay, so much accumulated lust, it crashed like an ocean wave breaking against stone, magnificent and perfect and so intense and everything promised to him and more. Then, as it faded, Martín found himself floating, satisfied and relaxed from head to toe. And Luciano was smiling.

“How are you feeling, love?” Luciano asked in a whisper, running his fingers softly through his hair. “Was it too much?”

Martín opened his eyes slowly to meet his lover’s. All he wanted now was to bury his face in the safety of his chest.

“A little bit, yes. But I liked it.” He answered, doing exactly that.

“I’m glad.” Luciano kissed him on the crown of the head and closed his arms around him “I’ll be more careful next time.”

“Don’t worry…” Martín raised his face to give him a peck on the lips. “It’s hot when you get all bossy on me.”

Luciano let out a laugh.

“To be honest, I wasn’t sure I could make you beg. You’re stubborn like a mule.”

Martín laughed too, snuggling closer to him. That, at least, was still as simple and easy as breathing.

“You’re very persuasive.”

#im actually happy with this one!! earth is healing #thank you for coming to my sub bottom martin ted talk

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spookyboogie3 · 4 years

Text

The trope Last Minute Hookup shouldn’t be used for LGBTQ+ relationships.

AND DEFENDING MY LAST POST ABOUT THIS.

I DO NOT hate any of these pairings. A good many of them could have been handled differently by the creators, writers, and networks. But this isnt me hating the relationships or characters or shows. Just going off about how they shouldnt have been tacked on at the end of their respective series.

As of writing this all of these shows have ended their original runs. Except for Supernatural which is on its last few episodes. And Supergirl, which announced its coming to end with season 6.

LGBTQ characters and relationships aren’t as common in the media as straight-cis characters and relationships. Sure things are improving but a lot of networks and writers still don’t fully understand why representation is important why they can’t keep using the same throwaway tropes they’ve been using for the straight-cis relationships.

You could name any piece of media and find and name one character that isn’t LGBTQ+, but you can’t do this with LGBTQ+ characters. We haven’t gotten to the point where they are as common as non-LGBTQ characters.

I have a whole paper I wrote on why asexual representation is important to have in the media and the same logic applies to any part of the LGBTQ+ or anything that falls under minority.

Back to the topic on hand. The trope of “Last Minute Hookup.”

Its exactly what it sounds like. Characters get to together at the very end of the story. These characters could have a on and off again relationship, lots of ship teasing, the classic “Will They or Wont They?” trope. What makes it different for non-LGBT characters in relationships to do this, we know what these relationships look like. Not to say the that both Non and LGBT relationship cant have similar struggles, however members of the LGBTQ+ community know how hard it is to feel like your identity and self matters and is normal.

I know that the whole “will they, wont they” thing is done for drama and networks and showrunners think if they give the fans what they want that they’ll start losing viewers and they have nothing to look forward to. Which is true to some degree. But most of this comes from the writers not knowing how to fucking write relationships.

Let’s just focus on whats it like to be in a non-straight relationship.

Heres an example: you have an action series, with 2 male leads and halfway through the show, they get together. Cool. Now you have a Battle Couple.

By making LGBTQ relationships happen at the end of a series that’s already had plenty of other non-LGBTQ relationships happen before it, it makes it look like the people in charge don’t care for it or were afraid of backlash. But it’s the end of the series so its not like they can get the show cancelled or anything. (The only people who are going to lash out at LGBT couple or characters are homophobic people, we don’t want them around any way so just make stuff super gay, so they’ll leave)

This is especially a problem when the writer and network have spent the whole series queerbaiting the audience with these characters.

Side note for anyone is doesn’t actually know what queerbaiting is:

It’s a marketing technique used in entertainment, which the writer or creators hint at but then don’t actually depict sex-same romance or LGBTQ representation. They do this to attract (bait) the LGBT/queer or straight ally audience into the show with the suggestion of representation but at the same time avoiding this as not alienate other audience members *cough* (homophobes) *cough*

Definition is from Wikipedia, not a reliable source says my highschool teachers and college professors but fuck em

The Legend of Korra is a great example of Last-Minute Hookup. Korra and Asami had VERY little ship teasing, and that was in the last 2 books/seasons. Any thing that was perceived as romantic came from the fans wearing shipping goggles. So to a lot of people just casually watching, yes this looked like it came out of nowhere. Nickelodeon had some serious balls to say how brave they were for putting 2 girls into a romantic relationship.

Theres a few problems with this.

A. It never actually aired on TV (to my knowledge). The last 2 seasons of Korra were put on Nicks website.

B. The confirmation that this Korrasami was canon had to come from the creators on twitter because of how unclear it was.

C. The show did the bare minimum when it came to hooking them up in the series. They walk off holding hands (very cute btw). They didn’t even get a kiss. Aang and Katara had a Last Minute Hookup at the end of ATLA after 3 seasons of ship tease and THEY GOT A KISS. Hell the original end of LoK*, has Korra and Mako kissing. *(the first season, they didn’t know they were getting more seasons at the time, no matter what you hear the writers say, they’re full of shit)

D. Anything continuation of Korra has come in the form of comics, which her and Asami are in a fairly well written relationship. Yes, they do kiss. Yes it would’ve been great to see this stuff happen in series.

A show that handles this a little bit better is Adventure Time. Not by much though. It implied several times that Princess Bubblegum and Marceline have history together and its shown more and more in its last few seasons that there is some ship tease happening. However its not until the finale where they kiss, and they are shown in the last minute of the show cuddling together in Marcy’s house. HBO has picked up Adventure Time and has a miniseries called Adventure Time: Distant Lands, where Bubblegum and Marceline’s past relationship is shown.

I had brought up in my original post about being upset with networks making LGBTQ+ relationships canon in the last season/episode. I originally had Catradora tagged. While Catra and Adora have history together, they did not become official couple until the end of the series.

Yes, I was wrong about the network making things canon in the last episode as they’ve always had ship tease with each other, and it probably was the writers’ intent to put them together by the end. They do technically fall under the Last-Minute Hookup, however.

I wanna talk about Once Upon a Time really quick. Fans of the show were hoping and wishing for an LGBTQ couple for the show as a lot of characters, especially Regina and Emma, have alot Ho Yay moments. The showrunners weren’t going to put those two together, for whatever reasons they may have for that (im indifferent on all the shipping going on with this show). The showrunners thought to put two characters together, and hoo boy did it not make people happy. The characters they put together are Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and Ruby the red riding hood, which would be fine if they had properly been developed.

The entire episode they did this in was a mess. They stopped the current arc during the season 5 episode ‘Ruby Slippers,’ to go over the characters that haven’t been seen in years, Dorothy was introduced and last seen in season 3, and Ruby was introduced in season 1 and was last seen in season 5 before ‘Ruby Slippers’. The characters get together in the same episode the meet in and are never seen again. The characters barely interacted, barely got along, and showed little to no ship tease or interest in each other and BOOM they are in love and together aaaaaannnnndd they’re gone. Other than having One Million Moms, a Christian fundamentalist organization, protest against the show and want it taken off the air (yes this really happened). The fans weren’t please with this development of the characters either.

(also Mulan was right there and already knew Ruby from a previous episode, and Mulan already is established to like girls as shown by her being in love with Aurora. Don’t know why the writers didn’t just put these 2 together but whatever I guess)

So they tried again in season 7 with MadArcher. The characters of Alice, a version of Alice in Wonderland from another realm (its complicated) and Robin, the daughter of Robin Hood and the Wicked Witch (it’s also complicated). And the writers did a lot better here. Both characters were allowed to have time together and have a history together too and it was done over the whole season. Not just one episode.

Now even though the writers decided to do something different with the last season and it could be detached from the previous 6 seasons, MadArcher is not really a Last Minute Hookup per say but still falls under my thing about it being the last season so who gives a fuck if One Million Moms gets mad us and tries to get us cancelled again.

I would like to say I have never watched a single episode of Supernatural in my life. I may one day. But as of right now my knowledge of it is coming primary from what ive seen on tumblr. You know a great source for doing research and looking for reliable information among the piles of shitposting.

From what I know from fans, the writers of Supernatural have been queer baiting for years. I mean it’s the CW, I’m not that surprised. What also wouldn’t surprise me, that by the end of the series Castiel is back and he and Dean actually start and relationship or strongly hint at starting one. I actually fear for the writer lives if they threw out a confession scene after years of queerbaiting and potential ship tease (debatable) and they don’t put them together. Fans are going to be angrier than they probably ever have been with this show and the showrunners and writers really would be known for queer baiting.

From what I know about how previous shows have done and if anyone that has ever worked on this show wants to continue living, Castiel will be back from Super Hell (is that what yall are calling it?) and he will get together with Dean. And they will fall under the Last-Minute Hookup trope and my networks make LGBTQ relationships canon last season.

One last show I want to talk about is Supergirl, which in has been recently announced that the 6th season will be the last. The show started on CBS but moved to the CW after the end of season 1. So more CW bullshit. There is no confirmation about whether the CW or any of the Supergirl writers are planning to do this, its all speculation. Supergirl is more LGBTQ friendly than some other shows on the Network. One of the main characters came out a few years ago and had a girlfriend a season and has had plenty of hookups with other ladies around the Arrowverse. They even introduced a trans-woman superhero in the form of Dreamer.

Let’s talk SuperCorp. Lena Luthor was introduced in the 2nd season and has been a major character in Kara’s life ever since her introduction. Even if she isn’t involved in the plot, Kara always goes to her to talk and check in on her and worry about her. They are best friends. Since the 2 have met, there has been plenty of Les Yay going on. The writers seem to be aware of the fans wanting SuperCorp to be canon and they keep throwing in moments like Kara and Lena struggling together or Kara carrying Lena bridal style.

Why I bring this up after the announcement of Supergirl’s final season to start next year. We may get SuperCorp. Kara has a relationship with William in the show and not a single person likes this relationship. The writers may scrap it and get put Kara and Lena together for the final season. This is a big maybe though. The Supergirl writers and crew get called out a lot for queerbaiting.

Let me know if you guys have any other examples of last season/last episode LGBTQ+ hookup.

And please let me know if you see any mistakes. This was all done in one sitting so I may have some things wrong.

Also check out the video by @aretheygayvideos on this topic too.

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reidrco · 5 years

Text

gates of hell

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: tommy shelby x reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: angst, fluff.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿‘𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: im sorry it took me so long to post something!! :( i broke my own heart writing this but im kinda happy with the result (well a part of me doesn’t like it at all but what’s new..) anygays i hope y’all like it <3

The things Thomas Shelby was scared of could be counted on the fingers of one hand. Sometimes you were convinced that the word “fear” didn’t even exist in his vocabulary.

He seemed to never experience emotions like panic or angst, not even when he was about to fight one of his worst enemies or planned his sinful crimes. At least he didn’t show it, bottling his feelings up and never opening up to anyone because he just clearly wasn’t the man to do so.

Sometimes you found yourself hoping he would turn to you if he ever felt like talking about what was going on inside his head, letting you comfort him and kiss away all the pain and doubts, but you knew that would never happen.

Tommy hated talking about his feelings even though you had told him a hundred times that it might help him, but he didn’t believe a single word you said and continued keeping his thoughts to himself.

He knew he could talk to you about everything and trusted you with his life, but he was scared of showing weakness, scared of showing you his broken heart which got shattered into a million pieces so often already.

At some point you had started to accept that you couldn’t make him feel better when he came home after a stressful day at work or when his terrible nightmares tortured him, the alcohol being a much better painkiller than you could ever be. You were convinced Tommy would never cry in your arms or share the thoughts running amok inside his head with you.

And you tried to understand, you really did, but sometimes it wasn’t easy for you to see him exhausted and hurt, knowning he wouldn’t open up.

It was past midnight when you finally heard Tommy’s loud footsteps making their way up the stairs towards your shared bedroom. You closed your novel, put it on the nightstand next to you and sat up as Tommy carefully opened the door, because he didn’t want to wake you up in case you had already fallen asleep.

You had stopped waiting for him every night a few weeks ago, going to bed much earlier than usual. Tommy didn’t want to admit it bothered him, but the first night he hadn’t been greeted by your warm embrace and soft lips had made his heart ache.

He was surprised when he entered the bedroom as quiet as possible and noticed you were still wide awake, the candle light making your soft skin glow in the darkness. His heart started beating faster immediatly, the butterflies flying around in his stomach excitedly. He had missed you. A lot.

The two of you hadn’t spend a lot of time together the past days and Tommy knew it was his fault. His nightmares had become worse every night, keeping him awake for hours and making it hard for him to think about something else than the tight and dark tunnels during the day. He kept pushing you away from him, building up his walls you once had broken around him again. To protect himself.

This wasn’t the first time the two of you went through such a difficult phase in your relationship and you were used to not seeing each other so often when Tommy struggled with his flashbacks of France, but this time it felt different.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Tommy asked and closed the door behind him before he took off the jacket of his suit and his shoes. You simply nodded.

The dark bags under his blue eyes and his tensed muscles were unmistakable, the tiredness on his face making him look like he hadn’t slept in two years, but you stayed silent.

You just didn’t know what to say. Telling him how tired he looked would probably make him mad because he hated that topic and talking about business was something he didn’t like after a stressful day.

The two of you hadn’t properly talked to each other in days, only exchanging a few words in Tommy‘s office now and then. You gave Tommy the space you thought he needed, leaving him alone with his torturing nightmares and flashbacks.

But in reality Tommy wanted nothing more than to spend time with you to distract himself from the evil demons inside his head, but how were you supposed to know that when he would never tell you that?

The lack of communication made it hard for the two of you to make your relationship work, way too many unspoken words standing between Tommy and you.

An uncomfortable silence filled your bedroom while Tommy took off his gun holster and placed it on his wooden desk. He didn’t know what to say either, thinking of a good way to start another conversation with you.

“What are you reading?” he finally asked as he noticed the novel on your nightstand and sat down on the chair behind his desk, his eyes never meeting yours.

“Aren’t you coming to bed?” you whispered and ignored his question because you knew he didn’t really care about literature, getting up from your comfortable side of the bed.

He was way too distracted by your flawless beauty to answer your question as he looked at you , leaning back in his chair. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in your arms, but he still had to read over a few papers he hadn’t finished at work earlier.

“When was the last time you slept, Tom?” you asked as you stood in front of him between his legs, cupping his face with your warm hands to make him look into your eyes.

“I don’t know,” he admitted quietly, unable to prevent the strong wall he had built around him from collapsing anymore as he felt your loving touch and saw the worried look on your face.

Today had been another exhausting day at work, none of his brothers had listened to his orders and had done what they thought was right which had made everything even worse. Tommy had lost an important business partner because of an unnecessary argument. Only because he hadn’t been able to focus on the conversation.

But he hadn’t slept in days and his mind was back in the dark, deep and terrifying tunnels in France, making it impossibe for him to concentrate on his work or the important business meetings.

The fact that he couldn’t find peace at night nearly drove him crazy, it made him feel frustrated and angry, it made him want to cry. For the first time he just wanted to cry, cry until all the pain and nightmares were finally gone. He didn’t even remember what had triggered his nightmares again, but he knew he wanted them to stop. To disappear.

Someone had to lock up the gates to hell again after pushing his demons back in and he truly hoped that special someone could be you.

“Let‘s go to bed and I’ll finish these papers for you tomorrow, okay?” you suggested and let your fingers run through his dark hair. Tommy wrapped his strong arms around your waist tightly, pulling you closer to him and pressing his cheek against your stomach.

His tensed muscles started to relax while he enjoyed being close to you after all these days of barely spending time with you.

“What‘s wrong, Tommy?” you dared to ask quietly, hoping he would finally open up and give you the chance to comfort him. You had never seen him so vulnerable before, the lack of sleep making him defenceless.

It took him a while to choose the rights words, but there seemed to be none which could describe how he felt.

He knew he could trust you, he really did, but he didn’t want to worry you for, in his eyes, no reason. Tommy had handled his nightmares all by himself a lot of times, never talking to you about them even though he knew that‘s exactly what you wanted him to do.

“I can‘t sleep,“ he finally said, his voice only a quiet mumble you almost couldn’t understand. He paused for a few seconds, playing nervously with the ring on his index finger behind your back.

“Every time I close my eyes I‘m back in France.... and it feels so real, (Y/N),“ he whispered while you silently listened. “I can hear wounded men begging for help and the digging of their shovels. They never stop digging, (Y/N), I hear the shovels everywhere. In my office, in our fucking bedroom, fucking everywhere.”

A short moment of silence followed. Tommy tried to collect his thoughts to prevent himself from breaking down in tears right in front of you, not wanting to show you how vulnerable he really was.

Your teeth sunk harshly into your bottom lip as you tried to hold back your own tears, wanting nothing more than take all of the pain away from your fiancé, but you knew you couldn’t which made you want to cry even more.

“It feels so real, (Y/N). Sometimes when I wake up I don’t even know if I’m still in the tunnels or back home,” he admitted quietly. It wasn’t easy for Tommy to talk about his dark feelings, but he slowly realised it actually made him feel better.

You dropped to your knees on the floor to be on the same eye level as Tommy, taking his handsome face in your warm and soft hands. He looked into your eyes while placing his hands on top of yours. You could see the pain and relief written all over his face, hearing your own heart break for the second time this night.

“I want to help you, I really do, but you need to stop pushing me away. Please, Tommy,” you whispered, salty tears starting to burn into your (y/e/c) eyes, “I wish I could punch your nightmares in the face.”

You could only imagine how Tommy must feel. Getting reminded of the hopeless and horrible time in the tunnels every night definitely didn‘t sound like a comforting lullaby.

He nodded slightly and couldn’t hide the grin growing on his handsome face as he leaned forward to press a soft kiss on your forehead.

“Let‘s go to bed, okay? It‘s late and you really need to get some sleep,” you suggested and slowly got up on your feet. Tommy stared into your eyes nervously, the thought of laying down and closing his eyes made his heart beat faster.

He was afraid of hearing the shovels again and seeing nothing but the dark, deep tunnels in his terrible dreams. He had spend most of his nights in his office, falling asleep on the uncomfortable chair because he had wanted to let you sleep in peace.

Tommy had no idea how to tell you he didn’t want to sleep and face his evil demons once again, the tired look on your face making it even harder for him to say no to you.

“Come on,” you smiled lovingly and took his cold hands in yours. He hesitated nervously, not knowning what would happen as soon as he closed his eyes tonight.

But he still got up from his chair, squeezing your hand slightly and following you to his side of the bed. He didn’ t even take off his uncomfortable suit, immediatly crawling under the cool blanket.

You layed down on the matress next to him, quickly slipping under his blanket and resting your head on his chest. Tommy wrapped his strong arm around your waist and pulled you closer, giving you the feeling of home and safety you had missed the past weeks.

“I love you,” you whispered and closed your eyes, “I love you so much and nothing will ever change that. I promise.”

Your sudden declaration of love put a smile on his face. He didn’t say it back very often, but that didn’t mean those three magical words meant nothing to him. He loved hearing you say them.

Tommy took a deep breathe before he closed his eyes. Luckily you decided to talk about the newest gossip you had heard on the streets today, trying to distract him from the thoughts of his nightmares.

Even though he didn’t really listen to what you we‘re actually saying, he appreciated your company more than anything else in his life. You made him feel incredibly loved and had the power of fixing his broken heart again, putting it back together.

He slowly drifted into a deep sleep while you continued talking about your day. Your warm embrace, your hair tickling his face and your voice fought off the cruel demons inside his mind, calming him down and making his nervousness go away.

His nightmares still hadn’t been gone that night, but when he had woken up and still felt your warm embrace he had known he was home and safe. With you.

In that moment he had realised you were the only one who could ever make the shovels stop digging, the special someone locking up the gates of hell.

𝘁𝗮𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁: @lizzielovebot @sweetgoodangel @captivatedbycillianmurphy

#tommy shelby #thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders x reader

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aliasimagines · 4 years

Text

Melted Hearts

Jason Todd(Titans) x f!reader with ice powers

Requested by @im-hqlover

Hii! I've been thinking a lot and came to a conclusion for my request. I wish you could do a headcanon or imagine (which one do you think is best) about a Jason Todd (could be from the Titans) x fem reader (could you do with the personality of my old requests, please?) she is a training superhero (like robin with batman) where she would have ice/snow powers (who will she be apprentice I will leave your choice :3). The situation would be: How did they meet? First thoughts? Friendship? Dating? oh, and I forgot to say that she is two years younger than him and that she is kind of short. I hope you do not mind... btw, i can't wait

A/N: IT IS FINALLY HERE!!! I made the reader the apprentice of Wonder Woman. Reader lives with Diana so she can train her. Diana is reader's 'aunt' in civil. Also this doesn’t realy fit into any timline so it’s kind of an au. This is supe long and probably full of typos but it’s 3 am an I just really wanted to post it. There is fluff in it and a bit of angst too. Anyway I really hope you will enjoy it and thank you for being patient with me for my super slow writing.

Jason shifted uncomfortably in his well tailored suit. He stood with his back against the wall. He looked around with slight disgust and annoyence.He watched as Gothams richest people chatted with expensive drinks in their hands. This is not how he imagined his friday evening yet here he was. Bruce didn’t even wanted to hear about Jason staying in his room in order to avoid this event. Even if Jason promised not to blast his musicals too loud.

He sighed pulling his fingers through his hair. Bruce didn’t say anything about being sober so... Jason left his ‘hiding spot’, a relatively hidden corner to find some booze. He tried to walk normaly, not wanting to attach any eyes on himself. Just when he spotted the temporary bar at the end of the room he felt somthing, or rather someone bump into his chest. He looked down to see the a short girl with (e/c) eyes and (fav/c) dress. She immediatly started rammbeing .

“Oh...I’m so sorry...I..I didn’t mean to!”

“It’s quite alright dear” he noticed you looking over his shoulders again and again “You lookin for someone?”

You finally looked up to properly take in the person whom you just ran into.A light pink blush appeared on your cheeks looking at the handsome boy in front of you.

“I..Yeah, I actually am looking for my aunt.”

“Well let me help you. where did you last saw her?” he offered you a kind smile while straightening his shirt. You pointed to the other side of the space, at the pretty looking flowers.

“Around those plants. I went to smell them but when I turned back around she wasn’t there.”You explained and Jason nodded, hummig to himself.

“Hmm. I see. We should check the dancefloor”

The dancefloor was full of extravagantly dressded people and Jason wouldn’t necessarily go there but with this beautiful girl next to him... You shook your head unsure.

“I don’t know...My aunt is not much of a dancer.” biting your lips you tried to think where Diana coud have gone.Jason scratched the back of his head before akwadly offered his hand to you.

“But we could still dance.I mean only if you want to...”

As the blush creeped it’s way back on your face you stood there hesitantly. You don’t even know this guy....but he seemed nice. And he was hot... By the time this went down in your head your cheeks were burning one again.

“I...yeah. Sure.My aunt can wait.”You took his hand and let him lead you in the middle of the waltzing crowd.

He was a suprisingly good dancer. Well, if you think about it it wasn't that surprising. He was at this gala. His eyes met your gaze and smirked. Jason looked down at you, took tale a better look at you. You wore a really beautiful dress. You must be from some rich family to be here.

"So how do you like it here so far Miss... Damn, I'm so rude! I didn't even ask your name neither have I introduced myself. My name's Jason Todd. And who would you be my dear?"

"Y/N Y/L. It's a pleasure" you did a quick bow which made Jason laugh a little.

"The pleasure is all mine Y/N. So...?"

"Oh yeah. Well you see I didn't wanted to come but my aunt is good friends with Mr Wayne and she really wanted me to accompany her so I didn't think I would particularly enjoy this night but now I'm actually starting to like it."

His lips curler upwards once again.

"I'm happy to hear that. And let me tell you I feel the exact same thing."

You continued dancing for a good 15 minutes or so when Jason asked if you wanted to drink something. When you nodded the two of you walked over to the bar and just as you got your drink you saw a tall burbette woman walk towards you.

"Diana!!" you exclaimed and launched forward to hug her. She opened her arms.

"Y/N!! I searched for you everywhere!" she shouted in suprise. She then stepped back to look at you, making sure you were alright.

"I'm sorry, I got lost and then asked Jason here to help me find you but we started dancing and lost track of time and....."

"It's alright honey I see you were in good hands. Hi Jason!" she made a small wave at your dancing partner.

"Diana! It's always a pleasure." he nodded with a kind smile.

"Wait... Do you know each other?"

"Well yes. I told you that Bruce is my friend. And I've met his sons a few time. " Diana explained

"His son??" you turned to him shocke.

He shrugged in a 'it's not that big of a deal' way.

"Adopted"Jason said taking a sip of his drink.

"You didn't tell me!"

"We met less than 30 minutes ago"

It was your turn to shrug your shoulders and hum in agreement. "That's true."

With Diana in your presence you become more comfortable with talking. Jason was quite a good person to talk to. You soon lost track of time again and when you next looked at Diana she was talking to a dark haired man. The man turned out to be Bruce Wayne, you've got intruduced, had a small talk, he spoke a little to Jason making him roll his eyes but the man turned his attention back to your 'aunt' short after.

Jason tapped your shoulder. "Hey, you wanna get some fresh air?"

You looked at Diana but she just smiled at you over Bruce's shoulder so you noded at the boy in front of you.

He took your hand and lead you out of the crowded room. It was dark and cold outside which you found comforting. It was a clear night and if you weren't this close to the city you could have seen some stars too. He took you to the garden and following a small trail you soon arrived to a bench under a huge oak tree. You sat down, eyes still glued to the sky.

“It’s nice isn’t it?” Jason gestured to the trees, the garden and all the flowers in it. “ I spend most of my time here. Well, besides my room and the gym.”

“Yeah, It is realy beautiful.” you agreed.

“Hey, aren’t you cold? Your hands are like icicles. I could give you my jacket, if you wanna.”

“No thanks. I like the cold.” you smiled

“Cool.”

“So Jason, you must tell me. What’s it like to live in a big mansion as this??”

None of your goddamn bussines- was his first thought. And he probably would have said that to anyone else but there was something about you.I mean he was just trying to flirt at te beginning but youve been talking non-stop for an hour or so since than.

“Cool. I mean it’s big as fuck so you can always sneak away in a corner to read calmy.”

To read calmly??? Really?? he thought. Why the fuck am I saying these to her?!

Jason was all about keeping his not caring, smug mask on all time and reading classic literature doesn’t fit in beetwen those lines. So he doesn’t really put it out in the open.

“I can imagine! It must be nice. You have a fireplace ,right? Curling up next to it with a good book...Ah, just thinking about it is great.”

Jason slightly raised his eyebrows in confusion as you did not mention his reading habits but soon he hid his suprise with a smirk.

“You could curl up next to me anytime, doll.”

You scoffed, trying to mask your embarrassment. Looking away you saw your favourite flower on the other side of the garden and stood up to smell them. Jason followed not long after. You two walked around in the garden for a fair amount of time before Jason lead you up a stairway. It lead to a balcony. The light breeze caught in your hair as you looked at the distant lights of Gotham City. You closed your eyes, just trying to cherish the moment. Neither of you talked, it was guiet but in a nice and comforting way. You don’t know how much time has passed but you winced a little when he spoke up, his soft spoken words bringing you back to the present.

“I liked this night, It was a relief to be around someone who is so chill. It’s rare tht i enjoy this kinda stuff.” he said looking ath the sky while leaning on the balcony railing. You felt a sense of pride, making you feel wam, You were so happy that you could make his night better.

“I did enjoy this too. You’re a good company. I don’t know what will you say but I must ask...Would you like to keep in touch?”

You really loved your time with Jason. His lips curvd up in a smirk.

“Oh believe me,doll. I konw I’m the best company. I’ll give ya my number, call me back so I’ll have yours too.”

Afer exchanging numbers you went back inside because it was actually pretty cold out there and seeing that the guest has left, leaving Alfred to clean up the mess. You two decided to help him. Diana and Bruce were talking anyway. By the time Diana grabbed your coat and announced that it’s time to get going you were exhausted so yo only nded in response. After both of you said your goodbyes you left too.

You popped yourself down on your bed but not before taking a quick shower and changing into your pj’s. Just than you saw your phone’s screen lit up. Looking t it you saw it was a messege from Jason. Curiously, you opened it.

Jason: hey just checking in to ask if you got home safley?

You: Aww thats sweet! Yeah we got home not so long ago

Jason: Cool. you should prob. go to sleep. it late.

You: yeah. Good night Jason

Jason: Night!

You woke up to th sound of your phones notification. Furiously throwing a pillow over your head you tried to slep back but your phone beeped again. Ahh why didn’t I mute it?? You rolled over to your side to mute your phone now but as you did you saw that it was Jason who decided to terrorize you at such an early hour. Turns out he sent you a random meme.

You: You woke me up for this??

You stumbled into the kitchen with your phone in hand.Diana saw you entering and greeted you with a big smile.

"Good morning Y/N! I hope your rest was peaceful. Do you want breakfast?"

With your eyes locked to the screen you didn't hear anything making Diana try again.

"Helloo, Diana to Y/N! Do you want breakfast?"

After not making any reaction at all, Diana jumped next to you an looked over your shoulder. She pulled back with a kind smile. She gently shook your arm causing you to look up.

"Oh Diana! Good morning."

She shook her heas laughing slightly.

"Good morning dear. Do you want some pancakes? I made too many for myself."

"Sure! Thank you Di." you said grabbed a plate and packed it with the sweet food.

"I'll go jogging for an an hour or so after that we can train, alright?" she asked while pouring you some (coffee/orange juice/tea/anything you want). You nodded and thanked the drink. You were about to unlock your phone when Diana spoke again.

"Im glad you and Jason met yesterday. You're both inneed of friends."

"Heeey! Did you just call me a loner? Eh.. You're right."you said shrugging your shoulders.

"No. I'm just saying that you are an amazing girl but your afraid to open up causing you to have a small amount of friends. And even though I don't know Jason that well but he seems lonley... Alrighty. I'm gonna head out. Bye!"

Well yeah. If you ever wondered how it was to live with Wonder Woman it was pretty much like this. She took you in almost a year ago. That's when you developed your powers amd she offered to help you with them and to train you. It was really hard at the beginning but now it's much more easier for you to control your powers.

You still texted with Jason about random stuff when Diana called you into the training room. You quickly wrote Jason that you have to go but you'll write asap.

Days went on, even a week passed, you spoke with Jason every day, and even decided to meet up for coffee next Saturday, two weeks after you met.

Diana was kind enough to drop you off at the caffee house you agreed on meeting. You were a bit early so you stood outside leaning back against the wall. Not gonna lie you were nervous but weren't exactly sure why. You played with the hem of your shirt and checked your phone every second. He was supposed to be here 5 minutes ago. You started to doubt that he would come. That's when you heard a a motorcycle pull up a few steps from you. The driver stoped the engine and stood up. He took of his helmet, revealing a smug looking Jason. You rooled your eyes at him as you pushed yourself away from the wall with your feet and walked over.

"You are a drama queen." you laughed.

"Thanks Y/n and hello to you too." he said in a fake offended tone. He than open his arms and you hesitantly huged him.

"Hi Jay." you whispered. Gosh you almost forgot his collagen. You let go so you could go inside. He opened the door for you causing you to chuckle.

While you ordered he found a good spot in the corner next to a big window so he could keep an eye on his motor. You came back with your drinks and sat opposite him. He gratefully grabbed it and took a good sip.

"So, what's up, doll?"

Getting kinda used to his pet names you shrugged.

"Eh, not much happened since last night when we talked." you had to stop for a sec to think back what you actually did besides talking to Jason. "Oh! I binged (fav show)."

"Without me? I'm hurt." he said hiding a smile.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. We should have a marathon sometime though."

"Uuuh, netlfix and chill?"

You rolled your eyes again getting better at hiding your blush.

"What did you do yesterday?"

"You know, typical friday night. Out on the streets looking for danger." he smiled. And well, he wasn't lying. You just laughed it off. Oh, Jason if only you knew how that really is.

"Okay, keep your secrets, Todd."

After chatting for an hour or so you exited the shop. You didn't want to leave him yet but he started to put back on his jacket, which he pulled down in the shop after complaining that it was too hot inside, and grabbed his helmet.

You took out your phone to text Diana to get you when Jay offered you a second helmet which you didn't see before.

"I could take you home. If you want"

"Really?? Wow that would be great. Thanks Jay” you took the helmet and climbed up behind him.

“No problem, babe. Just hold on tight.” he started the engine and drove off to the flat you share with Diana. She wasn’t home yet, after you texted her that Jason would bring you home she told you she’ll go out shopping.

You felt your adrenalin level raise up and hold on to Jason even tighter. He didn’t really bother to stay between the speed limits but for some reason you didn’t really mind. You looked at the scenery you passed by and couldn’t help but smile. It was an amazig feeling, feeling the wind, you felt so carefree.

He stopped, too soon for your liking, at your home. You give him back his helmet and went to hug him but he pulled off his helmet too.

“Can I come in? I don’t wanna go home yet...”

“Yeah..Sure, of course! Come in. It’s not half as cool as the manor but it’s really cosy.” you unlocked the door and gestured for him to step in. you quickly sliped out of your shoes and stepped further in to the flat.

“Uh please take of your boots. Di will kill both of us if she sees that.” with a chuckle he started to untngle the laces of his boots.

“Okay, okay. I would have took it off anyway. I live with an Alfred, you know. He could easyly kill me with a broomstick without spillig blood anywhere. So you know..I learned to take ‘em off.”

He stepped in, now free of his boots and leather jacket. You gestured to the couch nervously

“We could watch something.”

“’kay. But I get to choose the movie.” he popped down and went to search for a movie. You sat down leaving space between the two of you. You ended up wathcing The Breakfast Club, muh to your suprise. You didn’t talk during the film, you only stopped it once to get some snacks.

“Well, thanks for letting me crash for a bit.”

“It’s nothing, I’m glad you were here.”

He flashed his signiture smile at you.

“Let’s make this into a regular thing, ‘kay?”

He went away, making you sink back to the couch, letting your thoughts run free. You liked Jason more and more every minute. It seems that he seemed to enjoy your company too. You han out more, mostly on the weekends.

Sometimes you went to get something to eat, other times you went to the cinema or to book stores, you even accompanied him to buy a new pair of boots after he somehow (he didn't you how) destroyed. Sometimes you even hang out in the manor or at your flat. You often played video games, filling the huge mansion with screams and loud swearing (it was mostly Jason) much to Alfred's dismay. Or maybe you where just blasting your favorite musics while talking about everything. Book, games, movies, bands, fictional characters, conspiracy theories. Or that one time when you were playing fuck, marry, kill Gotham edition and Alfred accidentally entered the room.

"... Fuck! Obviously! Like have you seen him?? I mean he is a JERK buut he is a hot jerk. You get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, definitely. So fuck the Riddler, what's up with Croc?" you nodded in agreement.

"Well I guess I already said I'm marrying Poison so...Kill the Croc."

Poor Alfred just stood at the door not wanting to believe his eyes.

So yeah. You talked about all kinds of things. Except for...well emotions. Which you were okay with. Jay didn't seem like the guy to pour out his soul very often. That was until one night, after the two of you went to the cinema. You wanted walk for a bit before going home so he lead the way. While talking Jay manged to accidentally wapk you to the wrong part of the town. As soon as he realized where you were he too your hand and pulled you close, protectively. He seemed to be familiar with the scenery but you didn't ask why. He told you anyway.

"I grew up here, ya know." his voice was quiet, not sure if it was because he didn't want to attract any attention or just because it was simply not a topic he speaks regularly about. Maybe both. You looked around horrified. This is not a place for kids to grow up. Hardly for adults to live.

"Jesus..." was all you could manage to breath out. He shook his head chuckling.

"I know, right? This place holds the sweetest memories of my life." you felt the sarcasm behind his big smile as he looked around with a found expression. You tightened your hold on his hand.

"Jay... Do you wanna..like uhm... Talk about it?"

He exhaled as a more serious expression appeared on his beautiful face.

"Nah. I don't even know why I stared to talk about it in the first place." he looked down at his shoes. "It's just that I feel like every time I'm with you I have to stop myself from telling you everything about myself. I never had that before. I dont- I hate talking about my past. It's shitty as it is but I don't wanna be defined by it. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. But with you... It's- I don't know."

You could believe your ears but you didn't have much time to stare at him blankly. You quickly snapped out of it and turned to him.

" Jason. I'm...happy you feel like you can tell me all of this.. Because you can. If you want to I'm always ready to listen to whatever you have to say. Because I care for you."

He manged a weak smile.

"It's just so frustrating. Because I know you actually care? Which is so weird to me."

"It shouldn't be weird. You deserve to have people who love you and care for you."

He opened his mouth and closed it again. 2 minutes have surely passed before he spoke again.

"You wanna sleep over?"

You didn't want to leave him alone like this so you agreed. He fished his phone out of his pocket and quickly sent a text.

"I texted Alfred he'll pick us up." he pulled you in to a narrow alleyway than turned righted and you found yourself on a busy street. He pointed at the 0-24 junk food restaurant at the other side of the street. "Let's wait for him there."

"Here you go this will do it, I will try to find a pair sweatpants too." he handed you a black shirt with a band's name on it and went back to his closet to grab you some comfy pants for you to sleep in.

After both of you changed, you in the bathroom, Jay in his room, you climbed in his bed feeling a little nervous. You have sat and layed on his bed multiple times but never have you slept in it with him. Except for that time when you fell asleep while playing video games. You had a super long and tiring night of crime fighting before that and you just couldn't keeo your eyes open.

He was already siting there, leaning his back to the backboard of the bed. He put on a movie he knows you love and hit play when you sat next o him and pulled the blanket over you.

" You comfy?"

"Hmm" you nodded your head, keeping your eyes glued to the tv.

You watched the movie and when it was over Jason just put on some random series. You watched it, but both of you paid more attention to your thoughts than the tv. Jason was playing back your words in his head over and over again. I care for you. His heart skipped a beat every time he thought back to it. It was so obvious that he liked you and it has only occurred to him now. He glanced over at you, looking cute as hell in his shirt.

Just that, as he turned back to the tv he felt you moving around and than he felt your head on his shoulder. He tensed at the contact but didn't say anything, he only let out a shaky breath.

"Does this bother you?"

"Not at all, princess!" he didn't even look at you, afraid his eyes would tell something he didn't wanted you to know just yet.

"In that case..." he felt your arm wrapping around him as you pulled yourself a bit closer. Normally you wouldn't do thia but to your defense he needs hugs. Also he is so comfy.

It wasn't long before Jason reached for the remote control.

"I've had enough of this." you jumped slightly at his voice, gotten used the quiet noise of the tv. "Do you mind if I turn it off?"

"No.." you shook your head, already feeling sleepy but you tried to stay awake so Jason wouldn't be alone, so you turned to him "But I don't wanna sleep yet."

"I didn't say we have to sleep" he turned the tv off amd grabbed his phone from the nightstand next to him. He opened his music library. "Do you wanna put on the music?"

"Give me" you snatched the phone from his hand, earing a laugh from him. You actually understood that even sharing his music taste with you was a really personal thing for Jason. You scrolled down till you found something that fitted the 3am vibe. You earned an amused smile with your choice. You don't know how long gave the two of you stayed uo but you fall asleep cuddling him and he eventually turned towards you in his sleep and hung his arm over you.

Sleepovers became a once in a week thing for you. Both of you ditched patrolling for that day, even if you didn't know the other did that. Whenever you weren't helping Wonder Woman you were with Jason. And sharing personal things became pretty common between the two of you. Jason started to open up more as the weeks and moths past and that felt nice. More than nice actually. He was sweet with you. So happy all the time and gentle with you. One time you were coming over to the manor and Alfred opened the door for you he stoped you for a minute before you could ran to find Jason. He thanked you for brightening up Jason's life.

"Seriously Miss Y/N. Master Jason has been much happier since the night you've met. He has finally someone who he can trust and is in the same age range as him"

"It's nothing Alfred, really. I am lucky to have someone like him"

Don't think for a second that Alfred missed the dreamy look on your face as you talked about him. Your face as it lightened up when Jason walked passed greeting you. And especially not Jason's huge and honest smile as he hugged you close. Alfred knew it long before the two of you did.

You basically liked him since the beginning. Which isn't that surprising considering his looks. But every day you spent with him you fall deeper and deeper in to the hole of emotions.

You were super excited when Diana announced that you'll be going on a mission alongside with the Dynamic Duo. You threw on your supersuit and now you were just waiting for Diana to get ready.

"Diiiii! Comeee ooon! Let's get going!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Chill Y/N!"

"I'm sorry I'm just so EXCITED! I can't believe I'm going to fight crime with the Batman."

"And Robin too." she said with knowing smirk you didn't know where to put but you didn't give much thought to it.

"Yeah! Robin and Batman! Unbelievable. Even if it's for a boring mission like this.." you said. Diana quickly turned towards you with a scowl.

"Y/N! This is an important mission and a wonderful opportunity for you to learn. If they get those shipment into Gotham, Zeus knows that Batman won't be enough to defend the city. I need you to focus. Don't make me regret bringing you along."

The mission wasn't too complicated. Group A wanted buy the deadly weapons from group B. You have to take down said groups amd make sure that all the weapons stays in safe hands.

You and Wonder Woman were looking down from a building, just above the spot where the business is supposed to take place in a few minutes. On the other side, opposite from you on a roof were Batman and Robin. The trucks with the stuff had arrived and just as tge men were about to get out Batman signaled for Wonder Woman and they jumped down leaving you and Robin on the other side alone. You rolled your eyes annoyed. So much for excitement!

Robin seemed to read your mind as he waived his hand to get your attention. He pointed down, made some punching movements then raised his hand mouthing 'what do ya say?"

You grined at him giving him a thumbs up. Truth to be told both of your partners said to wait for their signal but neither of you could care more You wanted to kick some ass!

You used you icy powers to create some sort of chute. You slide down landing gracefully, the same moment Robin did. The scene caused everyone to look your way. This gave a little time for the criminals just enough for them to grab their guns. You and Robin jumped out of the gunfire together. In sync you began to take down goon after goon. Batman and WW had no chance to join in as the two of you took down every one of them amazingly fast. It seemed you took care of everything so you made your way over to Robin.

"Nice to officially meet you! I'm (superhero name)!" you when to shook his hand when you heard a gun firing and felt a sharp pain. Falling backwards you geared a distant scream and saw some shadowy movement before blacking out.

You haven't yet opened your eyes both the first thing you felt was numbness and distant talking.

"....and I take full responsibility for that!"

"That's not enough what if...."

"No what ifs! She is gonna be fine! I know her! You know her! She will be just fine. She has to be..."

You felt your consciousness slipping away again but just before you blacked out you quickly breathed out the name of the person who you've just heard. Jason

When you opened your eyes it was dark. You blinked a few times but it was still blurry. You tried to remember where you were, what happened but you felt like your memories where just floating around in your head in no particular order. But you felt something something im your hand. Or on your hand. You tried to turn to look but you felt pain shaking your whole body. You hissed grimacing

"Shit, no! Don't try to move Y/N." it was Jason. His hand was holding yours and he was speaking to you. Your brain slowly processed his words trying to fit in the information. When the last piece connected you finally remembered what happened. You looked at you bandaged side. You've shot. You looked at the boy at your side.

"H-how.. How are here? And... "you looked around at the unfamiliar place" Where is here?"

" You are in the Batcave." he said softly."We brought you here right after you've been shot. Alfred he uhm he patched you up. Do-don't worry it's not as bad as you think. It- it went straight through and didn't catch anything so uhm..." you saw how nervous he was. He was either going to scream or burst out in tears any minute.

" You... Jason what are you doing here? Did Diana get you here.... Do you.. Do you know who I am? " you were so confused. He avoided your gaze but his hand gripped your just a little tighter.

"No.. Diana did not bring me here. I was there when you got shot. I am... Y/N I know you are (superheroname) but you have to know I was there because I am Robin."

You snapped your head up gasping. You started at him.

"You.... Are.... Robin???"

"And you're (superheroname)" he let out a shaky laugh. "I probably should get Diana and Bruce..."

"Please don't leave." you said desperately

"I haven't left your side since we arrived, only to change but even that it was Bruce who told me to go"

"How long was I out?"

"Almost a whole day. It's night again...And Alfred said not to move you for a few days so you are spending the night in the cave"

You looked around terrified.

"Don't look so fucking scared, doll. I told you I'm not leaving you. This is where I have to be. At your side." you looked up in his eyes. You could see it. And he could see it too. Both of you felt it but were to afraid to say something that would break the silence. Still you saw him open his mouth.

" You know... "you saw tge real Jason. Nervously rushing his fingers in his messy hair with his free hand while you felt the other one starting to get shaky and sweaty.

" Jay"you breathed softly "I know.You don't have to.."

He was trying so hard not to choke on his words as he shook his head, a silent cry shaking him.

"No I ne-need to. I almost lost you. I have to say it. I lo..." he squeezed his eyes shut taking a deep breath. This moment played down in his had so many times. But he didn't imagine him literally breaking down in front of you. You ran your thumb across his hand comforting him. You were so patient and... He tried to hold back a sob but it escaped anyway causing your eyes to fill up with tears.

"I love you so fucking much Y/N" he finally cried out. You reached up to his cheek to wipe away his tears.

"I love you to Jason. So much."

He slowly leaned down stopping inches from your face. You felt his breath on your skin. Time seemed to so slow down and the only thing you heard was your breathing and your heartbeats. The only thing you saw was Jason. His beautiful features looking at you, taking in every detail. Your lips finally connected with his plump ones waking up the butterflies in your stomach. Your hand which wasn't holding his went to touch his oh so gorgeous curls you loved so much. You felt his hand on your cheek, brushing away some hair and then just resting there for a few seconds. He was careful not to lean on you too much or pressure you. Much to your dismay he pulled away with the biggest smile on his face.

"A much as I want to continue, you need the rest."

You still felt like your heart could explode any minute but you just nodded as you felt your voice would probably betray you.

He spend the night with you, just as he promised and he didn't leave your side the next day nor the day after etc. He was their when you could finally stand up, he was the one who helped you out of bed and he was with you every step in to your healing. And when you finally got better he took you on your first date. You said you wnated nothing fancy so it was a dinner at a fast food restaurant... And than he took you to the theater to see a play because it's Jason. Of course he would. He ended the night with a motorcycle ride to outside of town where you were able to see the stars.

Your relationship hasn't changed much, well you kissed more and spent more time together (if that was possible) but you still talked about everything. You still played video games, still had movie marathons and sat down for coffee on sundays. You love each other so much, even a blind person could see it. You were the power couple™. And anyone who crossed path with Robin and (superheroname) would regret the night they were born.

#jason todd one shot #Jason Todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x you #jason todd imagine #dc titans imagine #titans imagine #dc imagine #titans oneshot #robin x reader #Wonder Woman #batman

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fmufmu · 4 years

Text

Boo’d up.

[hi can you please write ash island fluff???]

You got me boo'd up, boo'd up – you like Yoon Jinyoung. You’re boo’d up.

A/N: re-upload because im trash and forgot to upload this!

You can’t pinpoint where your feelings started for Jinyoung.

You’re not anything special – you’re nothing more than the waitress girl of your parents’ chicken restaurant and it just happens that Ambition Musik go here frequently that you see Jinyoung. That’s how you meet actually – they pile into the corner of the room and you serve them with shaky hands and a nervous smile. Your eyes meet Jinyoungs and you feel so embarrassed and enchanted at the same time. There’s nothing more to it.

But that’s not the point, the point is that somehow you become friends. Jinyoung paid, tells you that this is the best chicken place, tips heavily and leaves with a fond smile. It becomes frequent and sometimes it’ll be just Jinyoung by himself eating. And the weeks pass, and you find yourself looking forward to seeing Jinyoung. And Jinyoung starts greeting you like you’ve known each other forever.

Suddenly, things change; Jinyoung swings by just to see how you are; Jinyoung offers you lifts back to your apartment that’s on the way to his; suddenly you’re pulled from your own little world to and you’re falling at an alarming rate with no intention of stopping. You don’t know how it came to the point of friendship – how you got his Kakao ID, how you’d find yourself sending him funny pictures –

Somehow, the universe, gifted you something good. Something great, actually. And you told yourself that you wouldn’t fall for him – guys like Yoon Jinyoung could have any girl they want, so why would he want you? You were average – not good or bad. In the middle, floating somewhere. You read the magazines, see the videos – Jinyoung was popular these days. He speaks about how he doesn’t have time to date, to see girls, to like anyone but it was all talk for the cameras. Someone like that wouldn’t be single, you tell yourself. And they wouldn’t be enamoured with a chicken restaurant waitress.

And it’s one of those nights where you parents let you leave early and as you close the door to the shop. You’re grateful for it, really. Weekends were always the busiest and your joints are aching. As you step outside, you tired eyes focus on the picture in front of you as the door shuts behind you; Jinyoung leaning against his car in an expensive jacket, scrolling through his phone mindlessly.

“Jinyoung-ah.” You say, tiredly, catching his attention. He looks up and meets your eyes and a face splitting grin covers it. Your heart twists uncomfortably at that. “What are you doing here? Are you getting food?” You say. Jinyoung shrugs and steps forward, sliding off his jacket and walking behind you to drape it over your shoulders.

“I was actually going to pick up some food, but I heard your parents telling you to go early so I was thinking I could drop you home.” He’s being nice. That was Jinyoung, he was kind-hearted to those who deserved it. Did you really deserve it? Of course not. You slip your arms into the jacket and you find yourself suddenly feeling shy. Is this what it’s like to wear your boyfriends’ clothes? You can smell his aftershave and shower gel and your stomach tingles.

“Jinyoung, you don’t have to keep doing this.” You say, but Jinyoung is already grabbing your arm and moving you closer to the sleek looking car. He doesn’t even look fazed at your reservations, at this point, it’s like Jinyoung is immune to it. “I can walk you know. Or even take the bus.”

“It’s late, y/n. And it’s freezing. You’re only wearing your work polo. What kind of person would I be if I let you just walk home like this, huh? I’d be a bastard.” Jinyoung counters back, he’s opening the door and you can feel the warmth from where your standing from the leather seats. “You know I don’t mind.” He squeezes your shoulders. Of course, Jinyoung doesn’t mind dropping you home. That’s just Jinyoung. You sigh, climbing into the car. Jinyoung shuts the door promptly and hops into the other side, shutting the door.

“I always feel bad when you drop me.” You say, clicking your seatbelt in. “I do have two legs.”

“And I have a car.” Jinyoung counters back, teasingly. “Why take a bus when I can drop you. Chauffeur service.” You can’t help but roll your eyes at him. Has Jinyoung always been this dorky and lame? Why was it so cute?

You fiddle with your fingers quietly staring out of the window as he starts the car. What’s with you tonight with all these feelings? Is it because you know you can’t be friends with someone who you have feelings for – especially, someone you know who would never like you back. Jinyoung doesn’t deserve that and more importantly you don’t deserve that. The city blurs into one picture as you stare out of the window.

“You’re quiet tonight, y/n.” Jinyoung comments and you turn to face him. In the darkness of the car, you can make out his side profile – it’s frightening how quickly you’ve fallen for him. You give a half-hearted smile as you turn back to the window, watching how Jinyoung races through the streets. “You okay?” No, you want to say. You’re not because him. It’s not his thought, you think again. It’s your fault. You shouldn’t of caught feelings.

“I’m just tired.” You lie, turning your head back to the road. The car hums quietly underneath you both. You’re so full of life, why couldn’t you speak properly? Why is everything you’re thinking about saying get stuck in your throat? “You know how it is on the weekends.”

“Well, school starts for you soon again, right?” Jinyoung hums. “Less shifts and more time sleeping.” You can hear the grin in his voice. Your lips pull up into a small smile.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You pull up to a red light. In the corner of your eye, Jinyoung glances at you before looking ahead. He doesn’t say anything for a minute before reaching for his phone and opens it up. You can see how his hand shakes slightly.

“Can I show you something?” Jinyoung asks. “A song I’ve been working on actually. I just – it’s nothing much but I just thought I’d show you first.” You nod and he plugs in the aux cord. You watch how he taps furiously on his phone before pressing something and the car fills with soft, melodic piano intro fills the car before the hook sinks in and you hear Jinyoungs classic voice. It’s nothing more than vague lyrics about liking someone who’ll never like you back. About wasting your time, your precious time, over someone who’ll never waste their time for you.

You swallow hard because it’s a hard pill to swallow. Unrequited love. Unrequited like. Unrequited everything. You don’t even realise you’ve pulled up outside your apartment complex until Jinyoung touches your arm and you flinch like he’s burnt your skin.

“Sorry,” Jinyoung says with a small laugh. “Did you, uh, like the song, y/n?” You loved the song. You just hated how it made you feel. You hate this swirling pit of anxiety that consumes you when you think about Jinyoung.

“It was really good.” You say. Jinyoung switches on the light in the car. “I just -,” You shake your head, trying find the words to say. You’re touched, firstly, that he’d even consider someone who should listen to his unreleased music.

“– you’re crying, y/n.” Jinyoung says, blinking at you with wide eyes. “Y/n. . .” His hand reaches out to touch your face but you turn your head quickly, wiping your face to see teardrops on your fingertips. God, no. Not here. You shake your head with an embarrassed laugh. You go to open the handle but Jinyoung catches your arm.

“Y/n, talk to me.” Jinyoung says. “Why – why are you crying?” You’re overwhelmed with emotions. Why are you crying? You’ve known Jinyoung for the last few weeks, you started falling from the go and now –

“I’m sorry.” You quickly say, slipping off Jinyoungs jacket off your body. You need to get home, to be alone and be sad in private. “I just – I’m being stupid and everything.” You lie and Jinyoung stares at you, unbelieving. “It was just a stressful day and -,” More tears leave your eyes. God, you can’t believe you’re crying in front of Jinyoung like this. You let out a loud sob, shaking your head as your cover your face. “I’m really sorry, Jinyoung. You just wanted to drop me home, you don’t need any of my problems and –,”

“ – I like you.” Jinyoung says, interrupting you. “I . . . I like you, y/n. Is that okay? I want to know about your problems, that be okay.” The car goes silent and you let out a sniff, looking up to see Jinyoung looking straight ahead. “I’m not good at this sort of thing, you know? I’m too blunt. I wanted – the song is about you. I wanted write about how I felt about you and I wanted to let you know that I like you.” This . . . you can’t believe this. Because Jinyoung could be with anyone, have any girl – why would he want you. You’re . . . you. “I don’t want to see you cry, y/n. It makes me wanna cry.” Jinyoung rubs his hands over the steering wheel with a nervous laugh and glances at you for a spilt second before looking back at the steering wheel.

Does. . . does Yoon Jinyoung really have feelings for you? The guy sitting beside you, the famous rapper, really like you? The guy that plays silly songs on the aux when he drops you home, the guy that tips you when he really doesn’t, the guy that has a smile that lights up the entire room?

“Oh.” You say, stupidly. It feels like a puzzle when you think about. Jinyoung wasn’t just being nice . . . he was doing it because he wanted to get to know you more. And you were to oblivious to this. “I . . . I didn’t realise you had feelings for me.”

“I thought it was a little obvious.” Jinyoung says, laughing a little. “I guess maybe it wasn’t.” You’re both silent again. It’s awkward suddenly. Why is it so awkward? “I understand if you don’t feel the same, y/n. And if you don’t want to be friends -,”

“ – what?” You say, head turning quickly. “Why wouldn’t I want to be friends with you, Jinyoung?” You wipe the tears off your face properly. “What if . . . what if I liked you back?”

“Then . . .” Jinyoung taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “Then I’d take you out.” He says finally. “Somewhere nice.”

“Somewhere nice.” You echo, biting your lip. “That sounds nice, actually. I’d really like that, Jinyoung.”

#ash island scenarios #ash island imagines #khh writer #khh x reader #khh scenarios #khh imagines #ambition musik imagines #ambition musik scenarios

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randomoranges · 3 years

Text

good god almighty. here is part 4. somehow longer than the other parts. somehow with more Emotions. i decided to not be vague and call the spades spades. this one is more nsfw because of things étienne mentions.

again, minor character death and lots of introspection ha ha .

ive been working on the beast for like almost a month now. part 5 aint even done. im so glad i hacked it up in the end.

PART IV

“The 60s were good with that – for forgetting and moving on. There was – or seemed to be this renewed sense of freedom, as if the people were finding their true purpose in the city. A great big curtain was being pulled back and we were given the opportunity to redefine ourselves. It felt like hope, in a way and with the distance put with the church, I felt I could breathe a little more and I was able to find myself. By the time Expo rolled around, it gave me purpose – something to do. The energy in the city was astounding. The projects people were coming up with – the possibilities they were unveiling – I had never felt something like that. I thought for sure this energy would see us through the next one hundred years; we’d be feeding off of it and returning to it for years to come. It would be our source of creation. Everyone seemed to be excited; the world was literally in our backyard and it felt good to bask in the attention.”

It made sense for Étienne to have Expo, considering how good he was at catering to others – at giving them the good time they wanted. He thrived in giant crowds and lived for the attention. Plus, at the time, Montreal really did feel as though it was the center of Canada. It still felt like an other-worldly experience and there were still times when Edward wasn’t convinced Expo hadn’t been one massive hallucination. And he’d only been a small part of it, unlike Étienne who had lived every stage of it.

“With the change of decade, going into the 70s, I expected much of the same – moving forward, the endless possibilities of the future and such. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to having more time – to being immortal and being able to experience every change. To make new connections. Expand and broaden the horizons and such.”

“And then it all went to shit, starting with the October crisis. There was a lot that happened in the 70’s and not everything was bad, but for me, personally, it was a series of euphoric highs and devastating lows. In the same breath of the Crisis there would be a Cup win, then there was the Exodus, the language debacles and it never seemed to end. Up and down and up and down. One giant roller coaster that never gave me a chance to catch my breath. It was hard to feel anything let alone make it constant. It took a toll – added up and left me reeling in ways I had never thought possible. I couldn’t finish celebrating the Cup that I would get notified that something terrible had just happened. I would be relishing in disco and there’d be a murder. It was too fucking much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything I had worked so hard to build was slowly being torn from my hands and what was left didn’t seem to matter enough. The proverbial carpet had been yanked from under my feet and no matter how many times I tried to get up, I just kept falling and falling and falling... there was no end in sight.”

Their correspondence at that time had petered off, somewhat. They’d both ended up in unpleasant situations and the last thing Edward had wanted to do was to take a pen and write to his friend to let him know how miserable he was. There’d been times when he’d wondered if his friend hadn’t found out about his fate and had left him for dead as well and it had only been later – much later – that he’d found out through Étienne exactly why he hadn’t written as often, if at all, for a few years.

“I’m not exactly proud of what I ended up doing, but it seemed like the right solution at the time. I was a mess. I needed help but I didn’t realise it and I wasn’t sure there even was such help for such a lost cause. Working the streets and the clubs were as much self-punishment as they were the only place I felt I could succeed. It was easy to spread my legs to let some random guy fuck me in an alley. It was easy to pretend to be someone else. It was easy to get down on my knees and suck them off. It was easy to let others use me as they wanted and write it off as being unworthy of anything else. This was where I belonged – with the outcasts and the has beens.”

There’s a shuddering breath that’s released and Edward has no idea if it’s his or Étienne’s. He’s astounded his boyfriend is willingly talking of this chapter of his life. It had taken years for Étienne to even speak of it to him and the confession had been a quiet halting thing that had taken him a while to piece together.

Yet, despite finding out, it hadn’t changed Edward’s opinion of him. If anything, he had found Étienne brave and courageous for telling him about it and his heart had ached for him even more. Étienne was worthy. Étienne wasn’t a failure and he succeeded at so many other wonderful things. In his opinion, he was still as relevant as before and had never been an outcast or a has been. He was still a leader and trail blazer in his own right, even if Étienne himself didn’t always realise it.

“When they gave me the Olympics,” Étienne goes on, once more showing that he is brave and more than the terrible things that he had gone through, “I hoped this would be the shot I needed – that it would be as wonderful as Expo had. If anything, it would be on a smaller scale than Expo. It would be a piece of cake, I figured. At least, they’d given me the Olympics in a timely way and not last minute. Therefore, there would be no excuses to fail. but for as much as Expo felt like a fever dream doused with magic, the Olympics were harder to get going. There were so many things that went wrong. So many strikes. So much corruption. The magic was gone. It was the opposite of what I needed and it just drove me further down my own spiral.

“So I went for the drugs and the sex. One made me feel when I was numb, one numbed everything when I felt too much. And the sex was as much a means to an end as what seemed to be the only thing I could properly deliver. So I stuck to it. Went in and out of these phases. Went on the biggest of benders, woke up in places I had no recollection of going to and such. Drove Élyse nuts. But it didn’t matter to me; I’d still be alive, so who cared what I put myself through?”

Edward wants to say that there were many who cared, but he knows that it would fall on deaf ears. He gets what Étienne means by it, but it still hurts him that his boyfriend had had to go through all of this. He gives his hand another squeeze and if anything, Étienne offers him a small smile, acknowledging the gesture.

“I was all over the place and when I finally met Koffey, shortly after the Olympics, it was quite by accident and he took me by surprise.”

“Everything about our relationship was different than the others I’d been in up until then. For starters, it didn’t happen the way the others had. It wasn’t the usual meet, sex and eventually develop feelings. He’d been living in the city for a few years when we met. He’d immigrated here, in search for a new adventure – ahead of the wave that would come later on. He’d decided to open up a restaurant, bringing us the local flavors of his own country. I stumbled there, quite by accident and I was most likely high and not even fully coherent. To be honest, I can’t even say I remember that day; he’s the one who told me later on.”

“I ended up returning. Later. On a better day. I think I was convinced it was my first time here, but Koffey was a little wary of seeing me again. Apparently, I had been a little rowdy on my first visit... Yet, he still gave me a chance and was still very polite while he served me, if a little guarded. I felt bad, so I returned and the more I went back, the more I was drawn – by him, his cuisine, and his quiet sense of humour and intelligence.”

“He eventually realised I wasn’t a complete asshole and he’d start coming to talk to me when the restaurant was quiet. He was – a breath of fresh air, really and at the time the one good thing I had going on. It felt like being thrown a lifeboat – something to hang on to while I tried not to drown – by my thoughts, my life, the shit-show burning around me. A beacon of hope and light I clung to desperately.”

“I honestly didn’t even think Koffey was interested in men. It surprised me, when one day, I hung around until the restaurant closed. I waited for him out in the back, not wanting to go home just yet. I also didn’t think going home just yet would be wise. I was still all over the place and I knew that if I went home I’d end up using or doing something even stupider. Having a friend helped keeping my thoughts on track. Koffey, without knowing what was going on in my head, helped keep my mind quiet. I wanted to know more about him and his life, so I focused on that. Anyways, it’d been a quiet night and we’d been having a grand old time chatting. I thought maybe we could walk around and bum out in a park. Summer was starting to settle in for good and it was a perfect night out. Warm and this side of humid, with a gentle breeze to make it pleasant.”

Edward has his own thoughts and ideas about the description of the weather, but he schools his face in a neutral expression and listens on.

“He was surprised to see me out back, but pleased and we picked up our conversation from where we’d left off. We ended up taking the long way back to his. I didn’t mind having to walk back to mine after and the extra detour would do me some good. However, he invited me in for a beer and I obviously said yes. He was my friend, after all and the thought of a cold beer to end the night sounded great.”

“We must have spent a few more hours drinking beer and talking and somewhere along the line, he leaned in and kissed me. Completely unprompted. I was shocked and surprised and at first he thought I wasn’t interested, since I hadn’t kissed him back. He must have apologised at least a dozen times. It was quite funny, really. I’d keep trying to tell him that it was fine, but he wouldn’t listen. And the more he went on, the more afraid he was that I’d do something to him – which was quite sobering, let me tell you. I finally took matters in my own hands and kissed him myself. We’d been hanging around together for months, by then and had I known, I would have put a move on him sooner, maybe. The kiss finally got him to stop apologising and for a moment after that all we did was make-out on his couch like all the terrible clichés in movies.” He laughs at that, fond, as he twiddles with an unlit cigarette. “It was so different, though – soft and tender. Nicholas had been very forward with his kissing that first time. I knew we would end up in his bed the moment he kissed me, whereas with Koffey – it almost felt hesitant and cautious and I thought that was lovely.”

“He still asked afterwards if I was that way, which I thought was both endearing and silly – considering I had just kissed him and wouldn’t have minded him kissing him some more. I assured him that I was and to prove my point, I kissed him again. I recall teasing him about it later, asking him if he needed another kiss to be sure I was into men. He thought I was being ridiculous, which was saying something.”

There’s a gentle, soft smile that graces Étienne’s features, not for the first time during their talk, and Edward wonders what memories his boyfriend is reliving – what images his brain has conjured for him to revisit. He’s glad, though, that despite the heartache that Étienne still has fond memories of Koffey to go back to.

“I wasn’t in love with him – not at that point, but I was certainly drawn to him. He was – beautiful. On the outside as much as on the inside; a gentle soul, really. I would have willingly gone to bed with him that night, but he insisted we wait a little and take things slow. This had never really happened and even though I was a little annoyed, I didn’t push the issue and floated back home after one last kiss.”

“He actually – I swear, the next time I went to see him, he actually asked me out on a proper date. He was too much! And I couldn’t believe that a man like Koffey, sweet and gentle and kind, would want to date me who felt broken and used and soiled in so many ways. But he saw beyond that and insisted we go on a proper date before we went to bed together and so I said yes; because I did really want him and I loved his company.”

“Our first date was nothing extraordinary, but it was nice – to be taken out – to feel as though I was worthy of someone’s attention and affection again. It was almost as good as a high. He took me out to dinner and then insisted we go to a movie and he was so gallant about the whole thing. He paid for the meal and for the ticket and don’t ask me how the movie ended, because halfway through we started making-out in the back and before the movie ended we left to go back to his.”

“Koffey was – so very sweet to me. Our first time together felt like something out of a romance movie. There was no frenetic urgency to it. It wasn’t just sex because he wanted a fast way to get to his release. He made love to me. Me! It boggled my mind. He kissed and caressed every bit of me that felt broken and used. It was – wonderful and too much and I tried changing the pace to something that felt less consuming ‘cause I couldn’t handle so much love being given to me, but he kept on finding ways to make it less about the sex and more about us and I couldn’t take it. I eventually broke down in tears.”

“And get this – he thought he, of all people, had done something wrong to me – that he’d hurt me in some way. I came clean to him. Told him everything. As much as I could. The drugs, the streets – the fall from grace. Every last ugly truth came out as he held me in his arms and made sure I understood I was someone worthy of love again. I felt stupid for breaking down and felt even worse for needing him to comfort me. And despite that, there were still things I couldn’t tell him. He tried asking about what was bothering me – because he could tell. Even when I lied – he could always tell when there was more – when everything in my head was too loud, but it was hard to explain. I couldn’t just say oh by the way, I’m semi-immortal and I represent a city. Yeah, fucked up I know, but I swear that’s not the acid talking.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” Edward breaks. He knows Étienne is in a better place now, but he also knows his boyfriend is still prone to great bouts of self-doubt that do more harm than good to him. He’d hate to think that Étienne still feels that way.

“I know,” Étienne responds quickly. Edward wonders if he isn’t deflecting, but he figures Étienne’s heart has been scorched raw enough for the day that he can let it slide for this time.

“You’ve always been worthy of love,” He adds softly and Étienne stills for a moment.

“I know.” He says again, but it sounds different this time around; a little more vulnerable and fragile. Edward wants to gather him in his own arms and hold him tightly, but instead he keeps hold of his hand and lets Étienne carry on with his story.

“I made it up to him, later, once the storm had passed. I didn’t want him to think that I would be some emotional weight to him. He’d wanted sex so I made sure to deliver. He was still very sweet and loving with me and I tried to ignore it. I focused on making it good for him so that he wouldn’t toss me to the side and in my mind it worked. Yet, thinking back, there were still times when I felt like he was onto me. Like he knew when I was faking it for both our benefits, but he let me be.”

“Still, for as much as Koffey was good for me and to me, he wasn’t a cure to all my problems. It would’ve been too easy. He helped – more than he probably ever realised, but I was still reckless and I still fluctuated. Bad days and worse days. On those, he’d simply hold me in his arms and let me cry in them.

Sometimes there’d be an okay day. He made it tolerable. To be alive. Made the sharp edges rounder. Made me feel like I could hang on another day. And there were those times when I felt like I genuinely wanted to be around – for him. I wanted to take him somewhere or kiss him again. I wanted to tell him some funny story I had heard or simply go to bed with him one more time. So I stuck it out and tried to survive.”

“He was so kind and patient with me. He loved me, despite what I was and how I was. He loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. God, I never deserved him. He was too good for me and to me. And somehow, I repaid his kindness by making him sick and killing him!”

“You don’t know that for sure.” Edward replies quickly, without thinking.

He remembers the visit. Remembers finding out about the real significance of Koffey. Of going over to visit Étienne and finding him distraught and broken hearted. Of Étienne bringing him to the cemetery. The breakdown and the tears. The trembling murmured admissions of guilt. The dawning connection he’d made.

Edward had been in his own headspace at the time and their correspondence had petered out, hence his grasp of Koffey’s role in Étienne’s life had been lacking in some regards. But standing by that grave, with his friend opening up about him and telling him what had happened had marked Edward.

“I may as well have, Edward.” Étienne snaps. He lights up the cigarette he’d been previously playing with and takes a long drag from it. “He died and it was all my fault. I couldn’t even – I wasn’t even there when he died. I was too afraid. And ashamed. I was a coward. He’d chosen me and I may as well have tossed him out.” He flicks the ash with more force than necessary and when Edward spares him a glance, he sees the storm of hate and shame fight in Étienne’s eyes through his unshed tears. “He deserved better – after everything he did for me and I repaid his kindness by being a coward.”

Edward knows that there’s no sense in telling Étienne that it’s not his fault. His boyfriend will keep berating himself until he runs out of steam and he supposes that it’s best to let him be and wait it out. Yet, it doesn’t sit well with him to have Étienne react this way. Sure, he could have been responsible for Koffey getting sick, but at the same time, there was no actual proof. He hates that it still eats Étienne alive and part of him wants to take him by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to convince himself otherwise. Especially if it’ll help him move on. But – he’s known Étienne for too long and knows that such actions will do him no good.

Instead, he waits and starts to itch for a cigarette of his own. He settles instead for a deep breath and then another. He thinks back to his own response to the crises. To the way he’d taken action. The misery and heartache he’d seen and lived. The friends he’d lost. The ones he’d buried. He thinks of running to Montreal to get away from it all and leaning on Étienne for a chance to forget and leave it all behind. There’s an irony here he still hasn’t fully grasped but it’s a reflection for a different day. There’s already enough that’s been looked over for one day.

“I don’t think he would have wanted you to beat yourself over it,” He offers instead. Étienne sniffs loudly and doesn’t give him an answer. Instead, he remains quiet, fighting with his own demons.

“You never did tell me why you called him Koffey,” Edward tries again, minutes later, when he feels that the mood has shifted once more and that Étienne has calmed down some. Perhaps this approach will work better, he thinks.

Étienne sniffles and rubs at his eyes, “Oh,” He starts and a small smile deigns to make an appearance on his face, which Edward is thankful for. “Apparently, his regular customers used to call him that. He thought it was hysterical and he never really liked his own name. I never questioned it beyond that and it stuck.”

Étienne grows silent after that and turns reflective. Even Mercury seems to sense the shift in mood and nuzzles her way up to his arms for cuddles. The distraction serves its purpose and Étienne focuses on her for a while, caressing her fur and scratching her behind the ears, which she seems to enjoy, if Edward is to judge by the wagging of her tail. He watches and lets them be for a while, glad the dog can help where he can’t.

“You would’ve liked him,” Étienne quietly says after a while. He’s not looking at him, hands still buried deep in Mercury’s dark coat, but Edward doesn’t mind.

“I’m sure I would have – he sounds like a great guy.”

“The greatest.”

Not for the first time, Edward wonders if Étienne’s feelings hadn’t become tainted with guilt over the years. He doesn’t question Étienne’s love for Koffey, but he wonders if the circumstances of his death haven’t left a lasting grip on him that wouldn’t have otherwise been there if the man had died of natural causes at a ripe old age. The wounds are still too raw and fresh to ask, so he lets the matter rest and figures that there will be other occasions to ask.

They fall silent after that, both lost again in their own thoughts. He hears the occasional snuffle from Mercury and sends out a silent prayer of thanks to whatever higher power there might be out there for her presence in Étienne’s life. In the few years Étienne has had her, he already sees the difference and impact she’s made in his life.

Eventually, Mercury settles back on Étienne’s side and his friend leaves a hand around her neck, absent-mindedly stroking her dark coat, while he reaches out for Edward’s own hand with his other. Edward is a little surprised, but he doesn’t mind and let’s Étienne play with his fingers. He traces the lines on his hand with the edge of a nail and draws loops with it afterwards. Edward watches the movement carefully with his eyes and finds it oddly grounding in a way. He hadn’t realised he’d felt a little unmoored by these tales and he wonders, not for the first time, just how attuned to him Étienne really is.

They settle around each other, the breeze gently ruffling their hair and Edward takes a deep breath to process some of what he’s just heard.

“And shortly after Koffey died, while I was still mourning him and hating myself for everything I had done, you came along at both the best and worst moment of my life.”

Part III Part V

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #edward murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko

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