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#im realising that i am a therapy dog
yoursweetestbunny22 · 4 months
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Would you do a Rudy x film writer and director social media au where it also mentions an interview they did together talking about first impressions: Rudy and reader meet by him not realising she’s the director, checking her out when he passes her smoking outside the audition building and trying to chat her up & when he asks for her name and number she says “you’ll probably find it on the front of the script” 😭😂
Thank you for your request hope you like it !!
Rudy Pankow x Director!Writer!Reader [social media au]
Rudeth
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Liked by madelyncline and 789 274 others
rudeth love you cupcakes! and my girl<3
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hichasestucks still finding sand in weird places…
⤷randomuser CHASE?!
⤷rafecameronwife that’s not-
⤷madelyncline I’m reducing your screen time babe
⤷mady234 @madelyncline NO MADDIE IM BEGGING 😭😭!!!!!
drewstarkey why am I not in there man?
⤷ rudeth …….. sorry kook
y/nuser love u pookie<33
⤷ rudeth love u pookieeee❤️❤️
⤷user23876 I want what they have..take care of my gf rudy 😔
⤷ rudypankowupdates @rudeth babe don’t cheat on me like that 😫
madisonbaileybabe miss y’all @y/nuser PLS MAKE SEASON 4 HAPPEN
carlaciagrant omg don’t make me cry rude boy 🫶🏻
jonathandavissoficial why am I the hottest?
y/nuser
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liked by rudeth and 100 237 others
y/nuser Penning the next chapter of Outer Banks, and it's a wild ride! 📝 Thrilled to be shaping the story for Season 4 alongside our amazing cast and crew. Get ready for more drama, mystery, and heart-pounding moments. Big thanks to my partner Rudy for always being by my side.❤️#OuterBanks #Season4 #BehindTheScenes
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randomuser IM LITERALLY CRYING IM SO EXCITED FOR SEASON 4
User3768 IM BEGGING FOR MORE JJ AND KIE MOMENTS RN!!!
rudeth I’m so proud of you princess ❤️
⤷y/nuser love you jj
⤷user6902 @y/nuser SHE CALLING HIM JJ OMG I WANT WHAT THEY HAVE
User2749 is rafe and Sofia have something in season 4??
⤷y/nuser I vote for rafe + therapy <3
randomuser if the new season brings more close-ups of John B’s abs, I might need to invest in a new TV screen…😔
User2783 RAFE CAMERON BACK ON MY SCREEN?!?!?
obxupdates_22
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obxupdates_22. Rudy spilled the tea in a recent interview he did with yn, the director and writer of outer banks, revealing his first impression of her. Turns out, he had no idea she was the boss when they first met! Caught checking her out while she smoked outside the audition building, he tried to make a move, but when he asked for her name and number, her response was, 'You'll probably find it on the front of the script.' #OBX #rudyandyn❤️
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randomuser HAHAHHA imagine rudy thinking like “omg I’m soooo that man” and she just say that😭😭
kiaramygirl they’re living a wattpad romance in real life
User36784 This interview just made me love them even more! Who else ships Rudy and Yn?
rafecameronwh0re she’s so ugly and that response?…lol
⤷user2837 it’s so funny that you think that your opinion matters…gurl he’s not givin you a chance💋
User5748 NOW HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SEE JJ AND SHIP HIM WITH KIE?
User19873 let me know if y’all need a dog..I CAN BARK 🐶🐶🐶
User78349 yn is so THAT girl?!she wrote this badass show and is also dating rudy pankow..AAAA
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cianmars · 1 year
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Ted lasso liveblog
DID THEY FINALLY FUCKIN FUCK????!!!?!?!??
this better have been a threesome
fuckin jan
I too am going to be currently refusing that ted is leaving
Issac always looks sharp jesus
Assistant kitman 💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰 he looks happy 🥰
Jamie putting more in 🥰🥰
Nate just being part of the team now 🥰🥰🥰
Roy and keeley …. pls
Trent crimm 💖💖💖💖 baby 💖💖💖💖
Roy diamond dogs by the end of the episode pls
Drop beards goodreads + storygraphs pls
She cant think about ted leaving…. Shes in love someone tell her
….. sell the entire club….. but…… no pls this is your home now…. Pls
Omg!!!!! They’re fuckin singing omg what this is perfect
Jesus issac can fuckin sing
The gayification of football 🥰🥰🥰 finally 🥰🥰🥰
Why am i crying when ive already decided to be in denial
Awwwww they paid for the meal 🥹🥹🥹
Trent youre a mess i love you ‘i just want you to like it’
‘Older men in my life’ 👀
Hahaha not roy trying to warn jamie off pls
Polyamory is whats needed js
Pls stop ruining their friendship ffs
On the other hand rebecca and ted are more than welcome to ruin their friendship 👀👀👀👀👀👀
If you go i go - what if i jump of a bridge huh what then????
Rebecca imaging the life she wants 🥹🥹🥹🥹
Would you please stay
Fuuuuuuccccck
Oh ffs keeley end them do it
Keeley pick polyamory i beg you
Naaaate 🥺🥺🥺🥺
What if i screamed??? huh what then ted lasso writers????
Omg that old couple from that one episode
MICHAEL
ugh that twat
Ugh this other twat
Nate ramblings i missed so much
Last ever diamond dogs pls and thank ????
ROY WANTS TO BE A DIAMOND DOG?????? All anyone ever dreamed
They’re so fuckin dumb i love them
Roy go to therapy challenge
I too would say trents hair is perfect
I fuckin love these losers 💖💖💖
Rupert die arc 🥰
Sassy! Fuckin love her
Barbara 💖💖 shes so valid for that frankly???
A zava care package?
Jesus thats huge
Omg how is this meant to get them pumped up and not sobbing????
Beard realised it oop
Michelle or henry is gonna yell at the twat soon and i cant wait
Dr shannon anxious snacking is a mood
Omg the sign from the trailer they did !!!!!!! Them allyraytskgflhclhvkhc
Ted looking over at nate…. Nate manager next season 🙏🏼
Cmon issac!!!! FUUUUuuck
wait
Ooooh fuuuuck YESSSSSS
hahahahahahahah deserved
Barbaras so valid 💖
Is george about to actually have some balls and not do what rupert wants
Okay he has balls 🥰
Omg yesssss this is deserved and he only has himself to blame
Ted knowing offside… okay this can end happy
Not ted checkign pahahaha
not him fully quoting the pass me the ball please ahhahaa
FUCK YEAAAAAAH
dr jacob or whatever his name is leave already, realise that hes not right with them
Omg is colin please
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
omg ted dancing 🥹🥹🥹🥹
SHE SOLD IT TO THE FANS!!!!!!
Usie guy we love
Rebecca?????????
Pls the romcomunism pls
pls kiss
Pls
if they dont kiss imma fuckin scream
rebecca use the ticket please
Bit of an upgrade since they last flew
Its full of rice jesus 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Willis 🥹🥹🥹💖
Ahahahhahaahaha
No Rebecca please
Dutch guy??
Like i liked them a lot ….. but ted and rebecca….
Its not about me, it never was
Manager roy!!!!!!
He got onto the national team
Jamie fixing the relationship with his dad is sweet i guess
Im just….. fukkkkkkk
Ooooh women’s team spin offf pls
Roy in therapy 💖
Wheres ted at the wedding?????
Polyamory 💖
Hes still on the flight jesus thats a slow flight
Aww number 9 lasso 💖
It was a sweet ending…. I was hoping wed see ted visiting tho…..
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soggypotatoes · 2 years
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when i went out for lunch this woman ive spoken to a few times was looking distressed and when she saw me she like sighed and smiled and was like ‘oh eddie!! you are just a little ray of sunshine, when you say hello to me i just feel so happy’ BRB CRYINGGGGJDFKSGJDHFKJGK
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orthodoxxing · 4 years
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i have feelings
#do u ever have this thing thats like a glowing ball of yarn in the back of ur mind and u can never untangle it without therapy#it’s very painful seeing mentions of This Thing in positivity posts and it makes me realise how useless they are#like wow! because a stranger on the internet told me i am cute i have forgotten a life’s worth of picking on this#like im never. and i know this im never going to be able to live with this and feel like it’s nothing#and maybe i’ll [redacted] or maybe i’ll [redacted] or i’ll just continue like i have until now but nothing on the internet is gonna make me#just drop everything and suddenly have everything be fine#because it’s not and it never has been and it never will be#and it affected my childhood and the way i grew up and the way i was socialised and the way i interacted with people#and how i saw myself on the social hierarchy and how worthy i was of love and acceptance#and no fucking [redacted] girl is gonna post from the comfort of her prettiness bubble and get endorphins from the Good Deed she just made#as if she’s donating self worth to the unfortunate#i am in a lot of pain constantly all the time#i had three anxiety dreams about it this week alone and they sure aren’t the first#and they think????? that they can magic wand it out instantly#funny how i mention the magic wand because... reasons#do u know how painful it is to read ur childhood diary and see how i was imagining back then that a fairy would come to me#and did i wish for wings or invisibility or a dog or infinite candy? haha no#i wished to be Normal in That Way#and i cant even talk to anyone abt this because i cant even mention it out loud so that they dont think abt it or see it#kira rambles#i’m sorry abt this
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padsnprongs · 3 years
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wolfstar headcanons that ✨just make sense✨
french sirius and welsh remus
they would speak to each other in their different languages all the time, mostly just to mess with each other.
they’d also say really romantic things, but in their different language, so the other wouldn’t know
remus is like insanely tall, but always slouches, whereas sirius is literally a dwarf but stands up really tall (talk about that ✨aristocracy✨ you know)
when remus had his growth spurt in the summer of fifth year, sirius was, understandably, shocked
but also maybe a little annoyed
how was he supposed to kiss him now?
in the end he decided to just grab his tie and pull him down
which remus didn't particularly mind
remus keeps his hair short, because it gets in the way. sirius loves remus' hair, because of how curly it is - remus hates it for the same reason
'I look like an idiot, pads!'
'no, you look cute.'
after sirius started living with the potters', his hair grew long, finally free of the strict rules of grimmauld place
when remus saw his long hair for the first time, on the train platform, he fell in love with him a little more
sirius turns into padfoot on the days surrounding the full moon to comfort remus. he’s literally like a therapy dog at this point.
sirius’ bed hasn’t been slept in since fifth year
cuddles
so many cuddles
lots of pda, much to james’ disgust
‘ugh, you guys, get a room!’
‘prongsie stop being homophobic.’
‘im not- what am i even supposed to say to that??’
‘nothing, that’s the point.’
sirius has a tattoo of the full moon that changes with the moon phases and remus has a tattoo of the canis major constellation - while the rest are just inked on, the sirius star seems to be actually glowing.
remus always seems to lose his jumpers, even though they’re some of his most valued items of clothing. he will eventually find sirius wearing them, but he can’t even be mad because sirius just looks so adorable in them.
remus, in return, will steal sirius’ leather jacket, which sirius doesn’t particularly mind. james, however, gets especially mad whenever this happens
‘well how come he’s allowed to wear it and I’m not? I’m literally your brother!’
sirius rests his head on remus’ lap whilst remus reads to him, and remus will stroke his hand through sirius' hair
remus loves to french plait his hair, and sirius is adamant about leaving the plait in for as long as possible
‘sirius, it’s been three days, you need to wash your hair! I can always re-plait it!’
‘...fine. but only if you promise.’
remus is constantly freezing cold, which shows through the countless jumpers and scarves he will pile on, even in the height of summer
his feet alone are like blocks of ice, which sirius never misses an opportunity to complain about whenever they share a bed
sirius, on the other hand, is a human sauna, and will still be wearing shorts in the middle of winter
when they cuddle, their contrasting levels of body heat cancel each other out perfectly
basically, whenever remus gets too cold, or sirius gets too hot, you’ll undoubtedly find them clinging to each other
sirius always gets really worried after the full moon, and insists on looking after remus - he makes sure he has enough pillows, sneaks him food because the hospital wing food isn’t the nicest, makes him drink water, takes notes for him during the lessons he misses, and just generally stays by his side as long as he can, until madam pomfrey has to kick him out
sirius worries so much during and after the full moon that it often makes remus feel guilty, but he also finds it really sweet that sirius cares so much
he still tries to make sirius see sense and stop him from worrying, because he has really bad self esteem issues after the full moon and doesn’t think he deserves it. whenever he tries to tell sirius this, he says that sirius shouldn’t feel obligated to look after him, because he’s a monster.
every single time, sirius will take his hand, look into his eyes, and tell him firmly, ‘you are not a monster, moony.’
peter will then add that ‘you fold your socks, moony, we’re not exactly scared of you.’
and remus will wonder how he got so lucky as to have such amazing friends
whenever sirius is ill, remus will try his best to return the favour. sirius will insist that he doesn’t get ill, ‘don’t worry, remus, I’m fine’, even though he can barely move
but remus won’t listen, and turns into a proper mother hen, fussing over him and making sure he has everything he need, just trying to repay sirius for all he does during the full moons
illness = constant cuddles
but lbr there are constant cuddles regardless
they got together because they both kept confiding in james and lily about their unrequited feelings and how hopelessly in love they were, and james and lily got sick of it and decided to work together to set them up bc they were both so hopelessly oblivious.
that’s also how lily got to know james better, and see that he wasn’t as arrogant as she thought, and he actually cares deeply about his friends
but these are wolfstar headcanons not jily so moving on
they had a very touchy feely relationship even before they got together. they were always very close, and their bond was different than it was with james and peter
sirius loves to bake, whilst remus loves to cook, but if they try to do it the other way around, bad things happen
they would often sneak into the kitchens late at night and try to make something, fool around, mess up, and end up snogging surrounded by the mess of ingredients
late nights on the astronomy tower!! they did this even before they got together; when either of them couldn’t sleep, they would go up there and just sit together and look at the stars. their first date was a picnic up there, and it became their own special place where they both felt safe
nose kisses!! forehead kisses!! cheek kisses!! adorable
whenever they're messing about they'll almost always end up in each others arms, saying ‘I hate you’ whilst grinning bc they both know that they don’t mean it and it’s actually the exact opposite
when sirius can’t sleep, he’ll watch remus (in like. a non-creepy way) and count his freckles. once remus caught him in the act and thought it was the softest thing he’d ever seen
remus talks in his sleep. sometimes he just mutters random words that don’t make sense, and sometimes he can have full on conversations with sirius.
sirius thinks it’s the funniest thing ever and teases remus mercilessly about it in the mornings, even though remus has no memory of it and denies everything.
when they’re alone in the hospital wing after a full moon, sirius will hold remus’ hand and sing softly to comfort him and help him sleep.
remus absolutely adores sirius' voice, and tries to get him to sing more, and in front of other people, but sirius is adamant that the only reason he sings to remus is because it helps soothe him, and his voice isn’t all that great.
his lack of self confidence about his voice is due to his parents constantly yelling at him to stop singing, because they said it was annoying and he didn’t have a good voice, and he believed them, and still does. It’s one of his biggest insecurities.
the first time they said they loved each other was actually an accident. they had gotten all caught up in planning a prank and sirius smirked and said, ‘aren’t i just the most creative person you’ve ever met?’, with a dramatic flip of his hair
remus just chuckled and replied, ‘that’s why I love you.’
remus didn’t even realise he’d said it out loud until he saw sirius staring at him with a dropped jaw.
then remus panicked, but before he could get up and leave, sirius grinned and said it back.
and then they kissed, obviously
remus may be tough and sarcastic and sirius may be proud and overconfident but they’re both big softies really
remus cheers sirius on at every single quidditch practice, come rain or shine
he says he’s just supporting his boyfriend, but secretly he thinks Sirius looks really good in that quidditch jersey
remus loves it when sirius wears eyeliner. no reason. just looks cool.
literally everyone had a bet on when they would get together. minnie and dumbledore, james and pete, lily and marlene, james and lily, james and dorcas...
james likes betting
there are frequent updates on their relationship in the staff room, because all of the teachers just know they're meant to be
the teachers had a field day when they first got together
madam pomfrey, especially, always sees them together in the hospital wing, and by fourth year, is their no1 shipper
they both get frequent nightmares, and will always comfort each other and cuddle after because they feel safe in each other’s arms.
literally the least toxic relationship ever. they’re both incredibly honest with each other, always talk to each other about how they feel, but also have that perfect balance of banter
if not soulmates, why moon and stars??
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ao3gingerswag · 2 years
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AH I realise I never actually sent the kyis prompts I had in my mind after asking :') here's the first one that comes to mind bc my brain is too dead to think of any more than this random one:
Dean and cas go dog shopping for cas's new dog now that dean has officially moved out. idk if it would be like an actual guide dog or they would go the shelter for a dog for cas's instincts to take care off. maybe a combo of the two where they originally plan to get a professional guide dog but then impulsively decide to go to a shelter. I like the idea of the dog being a rescue but also not having loads of issues, if that makes sense? like I can either picture the dog being a rly energetic happy dog or like an old lady that's really chill and sweet (leaning towards the latter bc old dogs deserve love and I feel like it matches cas's vibes better). either way, I think it would be a point of comparison between the old and the new. cas is fully involved in the process, rather than gabriel just delivering to his door. also, it's healthy, bc it shows that cas isnt just getting another dog/thing to put more energy into more than himself. rather, it's so he can gain more independence, both from Dean but also as a person by himself. actually, building on the two types of dogs, maybe it would be cute if dean suggests the hyper dog bc he thinks it would be better for cas to put his energy into a dog to distract him, but then maybe cas notices the distinct lack of barking in the kennel next over as compared to the others, and then goes over and finds sweet old lady dog and falls in love with her. double points bc healthy communication from dean + cas making his own kinda selfish decisions. and then he takes this old kinda stubborn just most relaxed old lady home and totally dotes on her as she deserves but also knows that she's her Own Independent Woman and totally could survive by herself as she has before (jeez okay stopping myself before I right a whole backstory for this dog).
oh yeah and cas totally takes her to the place (I'm totally blanking on the name of the acc building bc again, dead brain but uno the one where all the therapy happens and jess and Kevin and whatnot. yknow.) and she accs as a cool therapy dog and just chills at cas's feet while he does his thing and it helps calm the peeps down.
sorry this was a total stream of consciousness I'm so tired and also I imagine her as like a small-medium sized mongrel who was probs a stray and had like loads of pups before she was found by the shelter and neutered and what not. by all accounts should be rly messed up but no. she's just a cool matriarch. living her life with her infinite wisdom. we love her.
@hooomdooom This is so cute!!! I am actually so embarrassed by what I wrote at the beginning of KYIS tho bc u cant get a seeing eye dog from a shelter but i was 17 and did not know that :/
i really love the idea of dean and cas going to get a seeing-dog together tho!!! and the metaphor of them going together instead of gabe just showing up as a metaphor for how cas has become fully involved in life and WANTS to be a part of the world now as opposed to before when he was just hiding in his home...YES u know i love a good metaphor!!!!
also!!! yes yesss the idea of dean being like haha how about this crazy one (internally being like cas still needs some sort of distraction right? now that im not around for him to fuss over?) and cas is like actually i just need a seeing eye dog not a Project anymore :)) ill take this chill older dog bc i just need a dog that is chill like me :)) another!!! awesome metaphor!! hooomdooom u never miss!!!!!
these are such cute ideas ugh they're making me miss KYIS....maybe someday i can return as i promised i would....someday like this summer....but thats what i said last summer too so. we will see. in any case im so glad u r enjoying rereading it hooomdooom and thank u so much for the prompt!!
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waywcrdsons-blog · 6 years
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⋆ ◦ ° ☾ henry cavill + cismale + he/him — have you met maksym petran? they are a thirty eight years old known around town as the the prevaricator. they’ve been in the gang life for two months, and currently work for the gang as a soldier, as well as a private investigator. they are a bisexual gemini, which means they are protective + level headed, as well as stubborn + secretive. faded bullet hole scar, worry lines, frayed photographs. × tony. twenty five. he/him. gmt. 
hey there! i’m tony. i’m 25. irish. generally a mess but sure look, who isn’t. i’ve managed to get mamma mia! here we go again (2018) to step off my neck long enough to free up one of my two braincells to let me figure this lad out and i’m very excited to write him with you all. 
                                                         ABOUT.
Maksym Hadeon Petran -- goes by Maks.
Born in May in 1980 in Kiev, Ukraine to Adrian and Vivianna. 
Older brother of Nikolas Petran. 
Father to Nicholas Petran (5).
 Moved to Valdez, Colorado with his family when he was 14 years old. Initially, he found it difficult to acclimate to life in a new town, in a strange land, but gradually he began to get used to it. Unlike his father, he was a free thinker with dreams bigger than that of a company man. 
He was out of Valdez and out of the family home as soon as he got his college acceptance letter, leaving barely a trace of himself behind as he set off to Seattle on a scholarship. He did fairly well despite English being his second language, but he dropped out of college in his second year to pursue a career in law enforcement. 
This was the same year that he was woken up at 3am by a phone call from a sympathetic voice telling him they were sorry to call so late, but something horrible has happened. Both his parents slain like pigs in their home, leaving him and his brother orphans. Despite his intentions to look after Niko himself, it was too late by the time he had returned, Balthazar Caito had gotten his hooks into him deep and with nothing to offer him, he resolved to leave him there until he got his life together and then he would return for his only remaining family. 
Maks kept his head down and relocated to Kansas so he could at least feel he was nearby and got a job as a police officer, rising up the ranks to detective. While he loves his work, another part of him wondered if it was a final of rebellion against his father -- what was more of a fuck you to the son of a criminal than that same criminal in a badge and blues putting away guys who were like the man who raised him? 
But for the most part, Maks has a strong moral compass and a clear idea in his mind of what’s right and what’s wrong, and he settled into this job well. It was easy to forget his roots when faced with a new life and a path that he chose to walk instead of being told was what he had to do but there was one piece of his past he couldn’t leave behind -- his brother. 
The weeks meshed into years before he knew it, his career remaining steady and the fulfilment he got from it like no other. The idea of reaching out became more difficult as time got the better of him. He kept track of Niko, of course he did, but he had been taught well and it grew harder and harder to get information on him. 
Until one fateful evening when assisting on a narcotics case with one of his detectives he spotted a familiar face in a photograph. Older than he remembered and rough around the ages, the grainy CCTV screen capture bore an image of his brother with the words PERSON OF INTEREST underlined in bold red letters beneath. 
This discovery was what lit a fire beneath him, despite the life he had made for himself in Kansas, he knew that the time had come when he had no choice but to go back for his brother. This departure was made equally as difficult by the fact he wasn’t just leaving behind a job but a little boy too, with eyes as blue as his and a name he shared with his long lost uncle. 
Telling himself it was in his boys best interest did nothing to soothe the ache that it caused in him, but he couldn’t be deterred. His return to Valdez was done quietly, getting the lay of the land and a feel for the town again. Rather than join the police force in his “homestate” he had quit altogether, electing instead to set up his own private investigation business which allowed for him to continue to gather intel without raising too many suspicions. 
Six months after he moved back he made it known that he wished to take what he called his rightful place in the organization. With two parents who had given their life for the cause, he was sure that his long sabbatical on the moral high road could be overlooked with some useful information that only someone who had walked down the roads he had could provide. 
He’s been a soldier for the past two months, deliberate in his attempt to not make too many waves as he tries to toe a dangerous line between a good man and a good soldier. 
                                                         PERSONALITY. 
While Maks can be withdrawn and sullen, for the most part he projects himself as easy going. A pathological liar, he’s gotten used to having to tell fib after fib since his return, which has gotten easier with each time he’s had to do it. Slow to drinker and never one to dabble in using drugs, he likes to keep a clear head about him at all times -- it was safer that way. 
Stubborn to a fault, he can be hotheaded when pressed despite trying to remain reserved. He’s deeply devoted to his family, to the point where he’ll let other personal connections wither if his brother or his son need him. They’ll always come first. 
                                                         WANTED CONNECTIONS. 
These aren’t fleshed out yet, but I’ll send them to the main when they are! The general gist of them would be:
GHOSTS OF THE PAST -- those who would remember him from age 14-18 as a quiet Ukranian teenage boy with a funny accent and broken English at first. Could be friends, lovers, enemies. Pretty much open to anything. 
KNOWING ME, KNOWING YOU -- His baby mamaaaa. I’m keeping that as vague as possible but he would have met her in Kansas sometime six years ago. Could have been earlier and they could have been a relationship, could have been a one night stand that resulted in a son. This one would have to be discussed && plotted in great detail because aside from Niko it would be the most central personal relationship in his life. Could be unrequited feelings, antagonistic as shit, exes with feelings. I’m breeeeezy. 
MONEY, MONEY, MONEY -- people who work in Valdez with connections with law enforcement out of state. Maybe they worked a case or two in Kansas? Maybe they interacted at out of state meetings? Worked together on cross state cases? Maybe they know the extent of his career as a police officer and realise what a fun blackmail opportunity could be given his current attempt at gang life.
YES two out of three of them are song ABBA song titles. and YES i am deeply sorry for that. if any of these interest u or u just wanna yell at me about life, dogs or the mamma mia franchise my ims are open and or feel free to add me on discord @ -- can you hear the drums fernando?#0510 (i know that’s another one... meryl streep pay for my therapy 2k18.) 
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cada5h · 3 years
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personal / vent / cant afford therapy so im screaming into the void / tws for anxiety and existential crisis
ive been having an existential crisis ever since the end of december. or start of january? i cant remember when it started. but holy shit it haunts my every waking moment. one night i was awake until 6 am realising that im alive and one day i will die and cease to exist and there will be nothing more. one day i will just end and that will be it, and it could be at any time, any day, any moment. any moment i could just cease to exist. nothing waiting for me. no more Me at all. its fucking TERRIFYING. i am fucking frozen with fear. i am haunted by this fact. everything seems both pointless, meaningless, without purpose, and at the same time too much, too fast, with not enough time. theres not enough time and not enough me. and none of these realisations are making me DO anyrhing about my life either.
its like im fucking stuck. glued to this spot forever. not moving on and not moving back either. just fucking useless. a waste. i want to be alive so fucking bad and i never want Me to end. i want there to be hope. i want something to await me at the end. but theres nothing. no one. i will cease and the universe will continue and i am terrified. someone scoop this hurt out of my body. somebody please hold my hand and tell me it will be alright. somebody take this knowledge from me. this horrifying, alienating, hopeless realisation. rip it from my hands and allow me to keep living in ignorance. i want to be ignorant and clueless. i want to be the dog that chases its tail and eats like every meal is its last. i want to be the cat lounging in the sun, without a care for this universe or my place in it. i just want a happy, long life. i want to have love and adventures and hope. i want hope. so much hope until its pouring out of me, rippling at the seams of my body. i want to devour hope, eat it for breakfast every morning and drink a glass before bed every night.
i want not to be alone in this horrible universe. i want the anxiety in my chest to recede. i want to feel light and free and whole. i want to live.
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jrbalufbfnzl · 4 years
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I did not took the time to journal for a while. I wasn't particularly busy but as my bf stoped working i figured i'd take a deeper dive into reality.
I managed to observe several stages of hurting / healing throughout a journey that i identify as starting in september. I managed to break free from intangible and irrational fear, obsessinal behaviours, bargaining, anger, daily triggers and generalized anxiety.
I also reached out to a few friends and answered my unanswered messages. Im also getting closer to beginning the journey to fix my teeths. I can also kind of take care of the dogs and spend most of my time away from bed. Staying in bed is starting to make me feel sick and also,i dont want my boyfriend to be able to talk down on me. So i want to be actually stronger.
I dont feel as diminuished by him as i used to be and i am starting to hang on my beliefs again. I reckon i shaped some boundaries and changed my mind on stuff that just participates in more frenzie as i tried to be more tolerant, as i tried to cope, and go back into the relationship. Repairing things in order to respect someones denial and therefore entering a wrong apprehension of how things should be isn't the way to go for me. It just anihilates my faith and trust in my intuitions where i had boundaries befre. Its making me expect things that are not happening. It is deceiving.
But i'm still sensitive to the race question (am I appreciated enough)
I'm still sensitive to the boundaries question (my bf obviously has a problem and stated he doesnt trusts his shrink enough to say it and doesnt trust me enough to share it) although i understand my bf's position more and am willing to give him time to feel comfortable again.
But until he realises that theres an issue he has to deal with and shares his journey along with me to heal, i don't think i am able to share any form of intimacy with him. I dont know if that's pressuring or an ultimatum though.
I need to point out to my next therapy session thay when i feel bad i dont listen to music even tho music does me some good and stimulates my will to create in any way, shape or form.
I also figured that submission and denial are a way for me to feel safe again and a way for me to acknowledge that people can say no and even frustrate me while doing so.
I don't see any other reasons than him buying time, when i ask myself why my boyfriend is still with me. And a refusal to have come such a long way for failure, which is very egoistical to me but whatever. My behaviour is just not sustainable for someone as fragile,codependant and dependant on sex, validation and affection. Only a person taking some form of acountability for what happened and empathetic towards the issues that i've been through could stay and i dont think it's his case. It takes a lot to stay in this kind of setting. Therefore, i'm afraid to let go and heal and twist my boundaries and limits just for him to leave, while reminding me that i'm just an asshole that demantled his life thread by thread.
Today i understood that i have a reeducation work to make, to give consent and to trust humans and have a healthy sexuality and relationship with it and myself. Now thay i have acknowledged my triggers there is no other way around it. Yet,i feel far from my bf bc i want that work to be done in a harlthy contect where i can trust the person. I want sanity. I dont want any more clueless perversion. I dont want to be enslaved to my body in that way and to all of this. I has been done before,i now realise it and i want it to stop. Clarity is an absolute necessity, i am grateful for all of this coming upon me, as much as i am sorry to put it upon him. But if he is not able to do it, we have to part ways or accept to remain afar for a while, to make it possible again.
Today my ideal me wouldve : smoked less and focused more on my drawing. Exercised and meditate
A third person would see some progress regarding my past months tho. Maybe i shall implement more movement in my body
I did draw,listened some music, journaled.
I felt kind of traped in my body and lazy
I ate two applesauces, drank a lot of water, a few pancakes, h1lf a portion of truffle spaghettis and half a bowl of cereals.
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kttypes · 5 years
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To be an animal pt 2
Pt 2
About 2 years after this incident, Zeke was starting college. Having already moved into the dorms with a few days before classes began, he was nervous to meet his roommate. He only knew the name of his roommate and nothing more. Though the dorms were co-ed, the individual rooms were not. There was a fumbling at the door before it opened. There was Sam. Sam was what appeared to be a golden retriever standing on like a human. About 5’10” 148lbs, Human-esc feet and hands, just covered in fur and claws, normal knees and even a normal speech pattern. It was still difficult to get used to for Zeke and even harder for people like Sam. “Sorry” Sam said, “keys are still weird with paws.” “no worries, I’m Zeke, good to meet you” said Zeke being reassured of Sam’s humanity. “Oh you too, and I’m Sam… so i guess we’re roommates, huh?” with an air of awkwardness of small talk. “Yea I guess we are, sorry i already chose the right side of the room, I wasnt sure if you would care” said Zeke. “oh not at all, I’ve still got some more stuff to run and grab so is it alright if i prop the door open?” asked Sam. “go for it” and with that Zeke went back to figuring out his class schedule for the semester. He had decided to major in a new field based around the changes people went through and what happened to their bodies, it was a study of anatomy and physiology of the new world. Zeke mainly chose this because it was a safe college choice as for the foreseeable future this was a job field with many openings. The beginning of the curriculum was the same general studies as most other majors so he was looking at a pretty easy first few semesters. Sam swung open the door with arm loads of stuff and more or less let it all drop onto the floor as he seemed very out of breath. “Phew… one trip was all it took” Sam said. “Nice” mumbled Zeke and he felt bad that he didnt add more enthusiasm so he quickly asked “so what’s your major?” “oh, I’m thinking physical therapy for now but I might change it” “Im sure you could find a job with that” “well that’s what I thought except professional sports still havent been figured out yet and I dont really want to work with old people, maybe i’ll try psychology or something, OH, dude, there are some seriously hot girls at this school” Sam said with unexpected excitement. Zeke couldnt help but let out a chuckle that Sam’s tail was actually wagging. Zeke cut his laugh short “sorry, sorry (through a chuckle) your tail” Sam quickly whipped around and looked “ah damn it, i wish i could control that better, but girls find it cute so..(he shrugs) it’s not all bad” Sam began to set up his side of the room. With the door still propped open, Zeke couldnt help but notice the people walking by and all the noise of the coming excitement of college flooding the halls. There was an antelope, a cat, a human with horns and a tail. “So it may be rude” Sam said without looking and raising one ear “but are you uh.. Or do you have any um.. (he gestures over his own body).. Changes?” “none actually” Zeke replied. “Man you’re lucky” Sam replied “I mean there are a few advantages to my change i guess (he examined his dog like body) and it could definitely be worse, i mean i can still walk on land, but man is it weird” “what did you used to look like” Zeke asked and really hoped it wasnt rude. Sam’s ears both shot up as he pointed to Zekes laptop excitedly “yo, look me up on FB and friend me while youre at it… yea and scroll back one on the profile pic. Yep and that’s me! And my ex but nevermind her” in a weird way he didnt look all that different. He in no way looked like a dog before but there was an air of familiarity about it. There was a knock on the open door, “pardon me, am I to assume that you are Zeke and Sam?” standing there was a shorter girl (probably squirrel Zeke thought) with glasses. “I’m youre RA for the year” “RA? Zeke asked. “”Yes, youre room assistant, I will be this floor’s monitor. Basically if you have any questions or concerns or anything like that, you come to me, my room is just at the end of the hall. I’m Sue. My name is on my door. We will also have a floor meeting later at 7:30 so if can think of any questions to ask before then, thatll be great and im sure others will be curious about them too. ALSO” she sighs, “this building and therefore this floor are co-ed, I want to make it clear that I dont want anything crazy going on okay? I’m a sophomore so i know what can happen freshman year, okay?”. “Okay” Zeke and Sam both reply. She smiles and walks next door and they can hear her starting her speech again as they close the door. “Well that sucks” Zeke says even though he had not thought of anything of the sort until that moment. “Yea it does but im not too worried” Sam says and he whispers “they all try and scare you like that (he pulls out a bottle of rum, with a finger up to his mouth) my brother is a junior here and he said not to worry about the RA’s, theyre harmless and will break more rules than we will anyway”. Sam laughs and finally sits down. It gets quiet and weird for a moment as they both realise they are complete strangers. Zeke clicks on a game system to relax for a few hours before the meeting and Sam laughs and unzips a bag containing the same game system without saying anything.
   patreon com/ktwrite
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therem-harth · 7 years
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life update
Work at the bookshop is over. Most of the people there except one glaring exception were really cool and in the four months I worked there I became surprisingly close to them. The work was ok, but the hard part was talking with people (and when the shop was empty, coworkers) all day, because that sucked the soul out of me... ah well, try everything once i guess. I'm glad it's over though, even tho my future is unclear now.
One of my best friends has left for England for a month and I miss him already. Aspects of our lives were intersecting more and more as of late. Also I made a sigil with his advice recently, as a part of our slow but sure magic and occult exploration. It's really cool to have an occult buddy even if he gets more hyped than me most of the time and we are interested in different branches of magic.
My mental health has been more stable as of late. I have solid ground for the first time in a while upon which to start making tools against things the meds can't help and crafting healthy coping mechanisms. The torrents of emotion are somewhat saddled by my meds and I can start learning to ride them properly. Sadness lingers, in my dreams most of all, but there is happiness also. (I am still scared of winter.)
Psychiatrist's visits are more like bimonthly mini-therapy sessions now where she tells me what I could think about more in a bit attacky manner, and I try to explain my view (and how tightly bound our group of friends is - she is a bit baffled). I have things to practice now, like asking for help and asking for attention (I had always thought I didn't deserve to ask for this and only when I said it out loud and talked about it I realised how that could not be the case).
Saved a friend and his family from not eating one evening by bringing them all that my countryside and forest had to offer and lending money. Made me feel weird and I fought the thought that it proves that I'm not a shitty person at the start, but it sort of won. Now the revelation is sitting there and I awkwardly move around it, unsure what to make of it. In reluctant return got a magic potential reading from his mother that is in the works (I'm quite interested in how that will turn out).
My sibling is doing better which I am very happy about. Got to spend some quality time with her and exchange music, like in the good old days. Also the rift that had started to grow between me and dankep is slowly closing or at least not growing wider, which I am glad about. Friends are amazing.
Now I have a week or so of free time. Sometime soon I shall do the adopting of the dog (ahhhhhhhhhhh im scared but excited but scared). I am going to spend this day in bed, lazing about and watching Critical Role.
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jjaysontodd · 3 years
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just  broke up with a my so called bff
And i realised i was a second choice all along
why is it hard to understand i like you so much that i want to talk about you and that i want to know how you are doing all the time. 
Do you see me as obessed? crazy? unhealthy?
You say friendships can still stay the same if we never talk. Okay i believe that but then why do you ask me 
“we met in secondary school and why r u still hung over me like this”
“Why?
because nothing changed for me, i still care about you so much.(well not anymore)
I feel betrayed. I feel betrayed for having cared about you so much just for you to belittle my feelings like this. 
“i’m honoured that u feel that way but i’m sorry...i find this ... rly childish bcos we’re literally 18. and imo we’re grown...almost adults.“
BRUH JUST SAY YOU WANT TO HAVE LOW MAINTENANCE FRIENDS
WHY THE FUCK YOU EXPECT ME TO CARE ABOUT YOU AND NOT EXPRESS HOW I CARE ABOUT YOU?
IM SO SICK OF YOU  
IM SO DAMN SICK OF YOU
“yeah, that u actually meant that u didn’t wna be friends anymore“
no shit sherlock, why you acting like you hurt. we were gonna fall off anyway cuz you didnt bother showing me that you cared
you say you think of me as a close friend then you say you dont. so what do you want me to feel about that
you know i hate these people who expect me, me to be “grown up” when they’ve been treating me like shit for so long.
i wish i was assertive but i have asian parents. and now when self-righteous ppl talk to me, they make me feel like im the crazy one when im not.
i tried so hard I TRIED SO HARD TO MAKE THIS WORK but what about you? what did you do? WHAT DID YOU DO REALLY? you did nothing. you really just made me feel miserable and drained thinking that our friendship was dying. i was so hung over this. i was so sad over this. To think that you didnt even care enough and to think i was not even your close friend but just some friend. well well well all these wasted efforts and just for someone like you.
and why do you keep comparing our fs to other people i have friendships with. like damn just tell me that 
you want be the faceless people i call “friends” 
“i’m not your therapy dog” 
wow why didnt you tell ME THAT YOU DIDNT LIKE ME RANTING TO YOU HUH??? SO WHEN I SHOW THAT IM VULNERABLE TO YOU, you think im using you. well i am so sorry i am so very sorry for imposing my feelings on you like that. i really didnt know you were this kind of person to use this back on me so i wont, ever tell you such things. because there wont be such  oppurtunities in the first place.
“bye for now”
? no lol we are done forever
and i wish i could tell you this
but on second thought you can live thinking that you are right just like how you always do. i always try to walk in your shoes but you never walk in mine, so ill just RECYLE THESE DAMN SHOES i dont want them and i dont want you either.
im moving on for good. if i have a wish, i hope you know pain. i hope you understand how painful it was for me for the past fucking years.
but at the same time i dont care anymore lol. its chill, i will stop thinking about you
like you never existed
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qkantyjk-blog · 5 years
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maine insurance license name change
maine insurance license name change
maine insurance license name change
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committothedish · 6 years
Text
I SCREAM YOU SCREAM
I think of Freud “Humans [unlike dogs] are incapable of pure love / always have to mix love and hate in their object-relations” However I’m keenly aware of how hot the cup or coffee is that you are holding. Keenly aware of the cup of coffee you are holding being hot. Keenly aware of how hot the cup of coffee you are holding is Either way - I’ve learned from both Deborah Levy and personal experience not to quote Freud when there’s a chance of third degree burn Your voice is federal - could be the American thing - like the man who shows you how to put your shoes and keys in the tray at the embassy. Or the one who checks your bag for tiny bombs before Rosh Hashanah on Hollywood Boulevard But also in terms of federal’s more specific definition - “likely to form unity [with other states] but remains independent in internal affairs” Perhaps we are all like that: I know the trendy word is ‘boundaries’ but in the end those who appear to bare every square centimetre (centimeter) of their souls always keep something back. A spiritual caveat, an insurance policy, a lifetime guarantee I can tell you haven’t been in therapy long enough to, say, spot the difference between an air of mystique and emotional arthritis But look at my hands - they were designed by Egon Schiele, they’re huge, they are gnarled with nerves The nerves have to do with, are to do with, are related to, I put down to , how much absurd phantasy (only joking, fantasy) I am firing at you and if you only knew the X-tent of it - how I’ve worked on my diction for 12 years just to be able to pronounce the word “date” - you’d run for the hills, realise London isn’t the hilliest place except in the northern boroughs, panic, hit the sweaty cafe glass with your face, enter into a dilemma whereby you’re so afraid of my veritable PowerPoint of projection onto you (marriage, children, Mercury, paparazzi) but at the same time know I grew up around a better-than-average nose for medicine The coffee will, by the time your career is more or less over and the paramedics arrive, be cold, so I’ll seize the chance to bombard you and your ruined face with Freud (“all your girlfriends are the same” and then I’ll laugh at the literal-ness of Freud’s “need for an injured third party” because seeing you on the floor has made the cafe’s proprietor fall in love with me) and then you’ll be carted off for some of the last free medical care this country will know and that’s sad on at least 11 different levels
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