#im so fucking sick of being treated like shit im so sick of my identity being deliberately ignored bc people in the osc cant process the

[objectlovernonhuman]

villain fictive existing in online spaces moodboard

[nightcolorz]

ok armand's backstory is super tragic in the books but the show makes it even more devastating with The Implications. imagine marius leaving armand (his slave who he abused ever since he was a child) for the Evil Satan Cult and instead turning bianca (white rich woman)and choosing her as his new companion. makes me sick insane etc

OH MY GOD YES IM ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THIS!!! In the books Armand is also technically Marius’s slave, but the way it’s portrayed from Armand’s perspective encourages u to forget about that. But the way the show highlights how Armand was a slave and shows how it influences the way Marius treated him annnndddd made Armand a person of color adds such a disturbing layer to an already disturbing dynamic. (Which i love lol)

I loooveee that u brought up Bianca bcus the whole dynamic with Bianca is sooo fucked up and no one ever talks about it. In blood and gold Marius explains that he was lonely and wanted a vampire companion, who he originally wanted to be Bianca, but he felt super mf guilty about this bcus Bianca is a young well off bright white girl and by turning her into a vampire and taking her for himself he’d be depriving her of her chance at a prosperous life and humanity. And the way Marius gets over angsting about how badly he wants Bianca but how he can’t take her cuz it’d be fucked is by BUYING ARMAND!! Marius buys Armand bcus he considers him *less of a person* than Bianca and therefor someone he can use and abuse without any guilt. So now that Armand is a person of color, that dynamic It’s basically like, “I can’t harm this sweet white girl even tho i want to so bad, that would be horrible!!! Wait, Oh my god yay!!! A brown boy <3 I can do as many terrible things that I want to him because he isn’t human to me <3” like holy shit that is sickening. And it’s such a nail on the coffin how once Marius decides to discard Armand bcus he’s not worth saving to him he immediately turns Bianca and decides that she’s his companion now, like oh my god.

making Armand a person of color was honestly one of my favorite (if not my fav) change that amc made with the characters. In the books Armand is always portrayed as having this ambiguous social oppressor that causes him to be seen as less then human or less worthy of inherent respect + dignity as other ppl, especially in his human lifetime, and it is so prevailing throughout his life that Armand is used to being treated like he’s nothing, so Armand being a person of color just makes sense to me. Not only that, but his entire backstory where there is so much emotional weight put on how Armand was stripped of his cultural identity and his birth name and his connection to religion by being sold into slavery so he’s lost the ability to understand who he is ?!?!? Like it’s kind of insane to me sometimes that all of the aspects of Armand’s backstory in the show that are very much racial trauma happened the exact same way in the books 😭. It makes a little too much sense lol

thank u sm for the ask I love angsting about Armand’s backstory more then anything!!!! ❤️❤️

[spidermanifested]

@canirim clapping my hands okay Mei Paninya Scar. Lets Go

MEI

sexuality headcanon: Baby Bi. i think that she does not yet know that girls are also a viable romantic option but if she realized she would be over the moon about it. transfem al is a fun concept and i think if that happened she would go all in on the new fantasy of BEING SWEPT OFF HER FEET BY A BEAUTIFUL LADY KNIGHT

gender headcanon: once again i dont have anything too spectacular. shes gods specialest princess and shes never going to die

a ship i have with said character: her and al are pretty cute i guess although im not hyper invested in them

a brotp i have with said character: her and scar are literally everything. she shoupd have been allowed to kill people for disrespecting him on screen

a notp i have with said character: have not seen any mei ships aside from al/mei honestly? Which i mean is. for the best given this fandoms track record

a random headcanon: i envision that part of the reason shes so comfortable adopting random middle aged men is that she was largely raised by her mothers extended family after said mother died in childbirth. her clan is very tight-knit anyway and she's never had a reason Not to trust the adults around her, they all treat her like their own daughter which both gives her a very optimistic view of people in general and also leaves her feeling that deep sense of obligation to return the favor somehow. she knows all their lives are resting on her shoulders and THEY know its fucked up to be relying on a child for something like that but also they dont have much of an alternative. theyre all just trying to do the best they can. I Thinnk About This A Lot

general opinion over said character: mei chang i would kill the sun for you

PANINYA

sexuality headcanon: Romantically Inexperienced Awkward Teenage Lesbian

gender headcanon: i think when she grows up she should get butcher. not the profession. theres too many of thosr in fma already

a ship i have with said character: winry/paninya is really cute....... and honestly i liked their interactions in 03 better than the manga or brotherhood, they should get to be partners in crime and do stupid shit together. wish we got to see more of them hanging out in rush valley

a brotp i have with said character: i like that her and garfiel are buddies

a notp i have with said character: ???

a random headcanon: i fully believe the only reason she had the guns put in her legs was because she thougjt it would be cool. she convinced dominic on grounds of self defense but she absolutely was just thinking wouldnt it be sick if my knees had guns in them

General Opinion over said character: she has such a fun personality and design and i wish, so hard her storyline was different. its agonizing to watch her episode seeing her go yeah so i lost my whole family and home and also my legs in an incredibly traumatizing childhood accident and then an adult man kidnapped me off the street and forced me to undergo painful invasive surgical procedures against my will. But like i can walk again so it was pretty great of him actually and i can only hope to repay his generosity someday. Girl you do not need a random stranger chastising you for stealing from rich tourists. you need therapy to come to terms with the fact that uour right to bodily autonomy was infringed upon,

SCAR

sexuality headcanon: could be gay could be bi i dont really have him pinned down as anything but "very repressed". i dont think hes ever been in a relationship, hes always seemed to have way bigger priorities, but with him i dont feel like that translates to "UNINTERESTED in relationships" because of how much of his character revolves around denying himself comfort and identity. i think if somebody kissed him he would cry

gender headcanon: i dont think hed describe himself as anything besides a man if you asked him, but i also think his experience of gender is also one of those things that got a little foggy and disconnected along with the other identity related baggage. Gender: A Necessary Violence and the Only Means to Achieve It. whatever pride flag goes with that one

a ship i have with said character: still championing my scar/greed agenda

a brotp i have with said character: aside from him and mei, his relationship with his brother is very interesting to me and i like to stir around all the complicated feelings he has to have about that guy in the soup of my mind

a notp i have with said character: ive seen him get shipped with olivier sometimes. Dont really like that one i must say

a random headcanon: when he was a teenager he used to privately write poetry and then got really embarrassed about its perceived amateurish shortcomings and stopped forever

general opinion over said character: the single most interesting and layered character in the whole series honestly and once again i wish we didnt take That Direction with him towards the end. all his thoughts and feelings are so tangled up, i love the way he cant seem to help but attract community and compassion despite how hard he tries to shake it off, whatever he thinks of himself hes still at his core an incredibly kind person clinging to a reason to survive. Save me mr xbox logo

[welcometothelairofthebitchking]

Why it's funny to me that people give Way sooo much shit but think Charlie is the best thing that ever happened to Babe:

Okay so first of all, I am NOT a Way apologist. That boy is crazy and sick in the head and a very deep shade of red when it comes to red flags, but the thing is? Charlie isn't that much better?? Im not even talking about the 'Charlie faked his death and it hurt babe' part. I don't even really care about that. I'm talking about up to episode 8. Because at least up until the moment that Way snapped and tried to actually r*pe babe, the things he and charlie were doing weren't that different. 'Oh but Way used his powers on Babe and brainwashed him and controlled his whole life.' Exactly. Way used the privilege Babe gave him to get close to him whenever he wanted, to put his hand on his shoulder, and use his power on him to steer things in the direction he wanted. Each time Babe thought his best friend was being affectionate, he was actually being abused in the worst way possible. Babe trusted him with his love and the power to come close and touch his body whenever he wanted, and Way took advantage of it.

And you know who else did that? Charlie did. He did the exact same thing. Actually, I can even take the paragraph above and replace the words:

Charlie used the privilege Babe gave him (long term sexual contant never shared anyone else, cuddling in the bed and touching throughout the night, the kiss oh my god the kiss) to get close to him whenever he wanted, to put his hands on his body, and use his power on him (aborbe everything) to steer things in the direction he wanted (the grand plan, am I right? The one him and Jeff worked soooooo hard on). Each time Babe thought his sex buddy/lover was being affectionate, he was actually being abused in the worst way possible. Babe trusted him with the power to come close and touch his body whenever he wanted, and Charlie took advantage of it.

'But he did it to protect Babe'. That does not matter. Babe isn't a child. Charlie doesn't get to decide to protect him without asking his opinion. Babe is an adult. He can make his own choices. Moreover, his senses have been with him all his life. They shape his whole identity and who he is. Actually, given his fucked up childhood and how he was raised, given that his whole career and number 1 'identity' depend on them (because it wasn't just a number 1 spot, it was who he was. Pit babe always wins. Pit babe won't be pit babe if he loses.), Babe probably thought most of his worth comes from his senses. He said that once, that he's not sure he'd be worthy if he doesn't have his senses (and here the point isn't that he would be worthy, it's that HE thinka that)

And charlie just comes and? Decides to take them? Decides to take the whole identity of someone he 'loves' in order to 'protect' them without giving them a choice or even explanation?? That's fucked up. When I got to that point of the series, I legit thought this is a kind of r@pe, and worse than the sexual kind.

So the thing is, what he did was fucked up. It doesn't matter what his motivation was. I'm sure that Way too actually thought r@ping Babe and putting a baby inside him by force is the best way for both of them too. Which, obviously, bonkers, but my point is that your intentions don't cancel out the harm.

Everyone in this show treat Babe as some sort of object or kid that doesn't know what is good for him. No one gives him a choice while it's literally HIS life. They just come in and use him and his trust. They just manipulate him and lie to him, and no one considers how much that would HURT.

And you know what the real difference between Way and Charlie is? Obv. That charlie is 'selfless' and does everything for babe rather than the sake of his own desires/safety, but I assure you a writer can twist that. I can easily write the same situations and characters (up until chapter 8), and this time make charlie the red flag. In a case like this, the real difference is the way the narrative guides you and your emotions along, and the most important part in that is Babe himself. It's about who babe chooses to forgive. Who he decides to stay with despite the hurt. It's not about choosing between a saint and a red flag, but choosing between two people who have hurt you. And you choose the one who you love so much, you would keep hurting for.

And that's the beauty of it. Despite what this might come off as, I'm not a charlie hater. Not at all. I like him and babe together actually. I like Way too. And I love all of them because they are incredibly fucked up people trying to do what they think is right and I find the struggle interesting. My point is that, we are too fixated on finding a green flag and a red flag and choosing between them, when in situations like this, when all characters have been through hell, there will be no green flag. You can't rip a person apart and then bitch about them being red like blood can be any other color.

My point in making this wasn't to say charliebabe is abusive or toxic. It can be at points, but my point isn't that. What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't fall into the trick of the narrative. You shouldn't decide a person is good and saint like just because their intentions were good or because they're the one the protegonist choses. You shouldn't ignore the hurt they do. The show moved sooooo fast from what was the biggest betrayal to me and I don't see anyone talking about it, simply because Babe decided to forgive and forget and the narrative pretended everything was perfect with a mama joke and a hug

[retroactivebakeries]

miraculous arcs as dril tweets (revised)

Gatekeeper: im sensing some major bullshit coming from the graveyard

Gatecrasher: my friend the only crypto currency you wanna get your hands on is this: bird seed. There is a lot of birds and they all gotta eat.

Wounded Angel: i'm truly thankful towards Irritable Bowel Syndrome for becoming an integral component of my identity and shaping me into the man i am today

Allegory: not many people know this, b ut i actually coined the term "Lunchtime". before then, time and lunch were two entirely immeasurable concepts,

Become Somebody: i am a Teen and that's somethjing i have to live with for the rest of my life.

Star Quality: night time falls. im "corie latin" now. a man of intrigue. i place a bird feather into my glass of scotch and i never do posts about my dick

Child of the Ash: i am skeptical of the concept "Too Big To Fail" mainly because i am extremely big and i fail constantly

Spiritual: all rise for the national anthem, of Jeans

Called Away: Imagine. A world where guns come out of the ground like plants. And all the water is replaced by Bullet's. This is Gun World. It's real

Creature of the Light: every now and then i like to treat myself to a bit of "Lying under oath"

Creature of Fable: THE COP GROWLS "TAKE OFF TH OSE JEANS, CITIZEN." I COMPLY, REVEALING THE FULL LENGTH DENIM TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE COP SCREAMS; DEFEATED

Creature of Delirium: if you "clap back" someone with a PhD on here, you should be allowed to have their PhD. Its just common sense people. Oh that's tea

Chosen One: im 14 year s old and im already more psychic than my dad

The Ace: i feel like getting shot would;nt be that bad if you knew how to properly "body spin " away from the bullet or slap it away with your hand

Reality Syndrome: BARBARO IS BACK, THE ONCE DEAD REACEHORSE IS BACK TO LIFE AND TEARING UP THE HORSE TRACK LIKE NEVER BEFORE, "THE SECRET" WORKS,THANK U OPRAH A Keeper of Gardens: ask me anything u please, as long as its about my ambitious plan to build a castle in the Jungle for the apes to live in, called "Ape House" Sentimental: every pitbull dog contains a hidden set of skills known as the "Master Skills". the only two men who can unlock them are me and Elon Impresario: (in highly rational and cool voice) i have the higher follower count than them. i wiont let them undermine me Indomitable: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL Troubled: *enrolls in psychology major* finnally. this will give me the upper hand in dealing with trolls *fails all courses* college is fake actually Accursed: (dismissing waitress handing me the check with a hand wave) no thank you. i dont believe in any of that Primordial: i;m now getting surgery to completely become a Brand. all bothersome human elements (ability to get mad, go to toilet, etc) will be, removed Prophet: guy who invented Prayer: This is so sick. Im going to get so much free shit from god. This is the cleanest scam yet. So glad I invented this Awakening: i nneed constant 24/7 stream of memes and jokes about coffee being good to prove to myself im not living in rthe Fucking matrix

[sidesteppostinghours]

Please post more about your transfem herald headcannon i beg of youuuu i am so intrigued

flattered that youre interested enough to wanna know more about transfem danny but also. bold of you to assume i can articulate my thoughts abt him at all 🗿 im so sorry this post is prlly going to end up incoherent. i recommend @/flystep for more posts about the hc though, they talk about it more than i do and a lot of my ideas have been pulled from or influenced by them, but! i would say most of my reasons for hcing herald as transfem boil down to what i said here:

#theres something in the way that herald conforms to the /ideas/ of what men and women should be like that makes me think that-if he ever ha#a real opportunity to play around with his gender- might lead to some revelations. i think herald is so sick of being what the world tells-#-him to be and that feeling would bleed into his gender identity

i dont think herald applies his standards of man and woman to other people (or at least not intentionally) but subconsciously does so to himself, especially because theres never really been anyone challenging his internal sense of identity that could push him to start questioning it. like, even with sentinel, most of the gender talks that happened were (im assuming) centered around daniels questions/comments than anything about himself. daniel lived– and continues to live– in an extremely controlling environment that taught him to be hyper-aware of the way hes perceived, and more importantly, it taught him that he needed to be perceived in the right way. hes been told his entire life that he has to present himself correctly, that there was no room for flexibility or experimentation at the threat of his home/safety/career. but i also think that its not a role he Wants to play– i think theres rebellion and defiance simmering under the surface, but there are too many stakes involved for anything to happen.

plus, daniel,,,,doesnt really think about his own identity that much???? or himself as a whole for that matter. like, im p sure he doesnt even know hes bisexual until sidestep (and Only if sidestep is nb/male). honestly im not even gonna try explaining this one im just gonna offer you this because it captures what i say perfectly and lives in my mind rent free. so yeah, i dont think herald wouldve ever questioned being a man lmfao.

i havent thought much about post transition daniel so i have no idea how hed present rip. i think hed really like wearing dresses but thats about as far as i know. ive seen both femme and masc and i like both interpretations so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tbh though, i think finding his personal style requires both time and space to experiment, which is a luxury he doesnt have considering the demands and expectations placed on him. without something Seriously upending the way hes living at the moment, i dont think its something he would have the chance to explore even After he sorts out his gender. which is, of course, why im sending my beloved transman cyrus who refuses to take any shit to fuck his gender up.

anyway have this sketch of m and f herald having a category five transgener moment. as a treat

[re-bee-key]

I would like to talk about Brianna Ghey, but more broadly, i just want to vent about my frustrations with how some people are treating her death.

Specifically, the people saying she wasn't killed for being trans. #Trigger warnings for transphobia, death, racism, antisemitism, and other uncomfortable topics that are important to talk about right now.

Its hard to explain to people who really don't want to listen about the accelerating slippery slope of hate that is being experienced around the world.

What happened to Brianna Ghey is tragic. Its heartbreaking. It is not, however, surprising.

Brianna Ghey lived in the UK. And if you've been paying attention to any amount of trans issues you'd be aware that trans people are struggling for their lives in the UK.

In the UK and the USA and really all over the world, politicians and extremists are pushing to ban trans existance altogether. Bills and laws against where trans people can pee, how they present, if they can get surgery or transition, and in some places laws are made that attack how anyone presents - trans or cis.

And all this hateful rhetoric and change is being pushed under the guise of protection. Protection towards woman and children and society as a whole.

Which is sick and twisted and a heartbreaking world view to have on people just wanting to live their lives how they want to live them.

But this rhetoric riles people up. It sanctifies the hatred in their hearts. And pushes them to act.

Usually in harrassment and bullying. But as the pot begins to boil and tensions get even more strained, the wire snaps and someone gets murdered.

Cause thats what all this hate ultimately leads to. Death.

Hatred and fear of Muslims leads to immigration bans and then job loss and isolation and mosque burnings. Next people begin to fear anyone middle eastern. Anyone brown.

Hatred of gays and Jews and others led to the Holocaust.

Hatred of black people led to slavery and hangings and so so many other horrible things. And even when they fought for their rights, things have only incremently gotten better. The hatred still there. Still leading to inequality and death.

All of this to say, the progressive push against Trans people has reached exactly where it was going to reach with all this horrible shit going on.

I mean, fuck. Just the new stupid Hogwarts game coming out has increased anti trans hostility tenfold.

Trans people are at the forefront of any mention of Harry Potter and its making people mad. Those bubbling tensions are reaching the boiling point, and crazy awful people are taking action.

Brianna Ghey was a semi popular tiktoker and was open about her identity. She was bullied and harrassed on tiktok and at school. And its beyond frustrating that the police are denying this was a hate crime.

She was 16! In a park! Having a nice day and she was stabbed to death. Why would anyone do that? If not for the fanned flames of hate in their heart.

How can anyone deny what is happening?

How can people not care?

Trans lives are at risk. And honestly so is every minority at this point.

You have to push against hate for it to die. You have to keep speaking up. Keep standing side by side people who are different than you but need your support.

You cant just sit back in complacency and let bad things happen and pass you by because they dont affect you.

You gotta fuckin care about other people. This shouldn't be so hard!

Ive got a lot more i want to say but this is already so long and rambly. I just... Im so upset.

The world could be so different. We could all live alongside each other, different but embracing our differences. Sharing and exchanging culture. Progressing the arts and sciences and fixing the planet and pushing what it means to be human and our place in the world.

But instead, we are here. Sliding down the slippery slope. And its gonna take every single person who has the capacity for empathy and good to link arms and together pull ourselves back up to the top.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi! so i don’t rlly know how to even phrase this but lately i’ve had a lot of stuff getting worse, none of the “basic” diagnoses i have (like depression and anxiety and stuff) describes it at all. so i’ve started questioning if i maybe have a personality disorder bc it’d all make sense, both the behaviors and how i see the world and why its only getting worse and more noticeable now etc.

i keep finding myself in cluster B PD traits and lately ive been reading more on NPD and i genuinely completely see myself in the description of the covert subtype. i always blame others for everything and am completely unable of accepting or feeling guilt. nothing is ever my fault, its always someone else doing something or provoking me or it’s the way i was raised or it’s because of the system etc. i’m deeply insecure but hate showing any kind of vulnerability. when i’m in a vulnerable position i get ashamed and angry bc i cant stand feeling weak. i often get so angry i do shit that could easily destroy all the relationships i have. i never apologize (unless it’s a situation where i have to in order to save the relationship but still never actually feel sorry) bc that’s showing vulnerability and admitting i’m wrong. i always compare myself with others, i used to think this doesnt apply to me bc i generally don’t care about typical things such as popularity and status as i’ve always been an outcast - and it’s kind of a major part of my identity that i feel different than everyone else (even though its most likely just how i was forced to learn to cope with being excluded), but i’ve come to realize i absolutely do always see myself as “the worst one” in terms of mental health. i can’t stand others talking about their issues bc no you don’t even have it that bad at all, i’m worse. i feel like no one will ever be able to truly understand me bc the majority of people are npcs anyway. no one thinks for themselves, they dont have any self awareness and just do what they’re told. i treat others like shit but still expect them to be nice to me because i deserve it because i’m sick. i deserve more attention from doctors because of how unwell i feel. i should be the one that gets treated first. i obviously never voice these feelings but it makes me so pissed off when i have to wait like i’m never important enough for anyone. like there was this one case when i had to wait longer for my appointment bc some girl came in due to an emergency and all i felt was angry and annoyed and like when is it my turn to get taken seriously?? i completely lack affective empathy and very rarely genuinely care about others. others being sad annoys me and others being happy makes me angry, sometimes even to the point of having homicidal thoughts. i’m envious of pretty much everyone who i consider better off than me. and again i dont mean shit like money or clothes but more like just the ability to be normal, having close friends, being in a relationship, all that stuff i know i’ll never be able to have bc of my mental illnesses. i’ve never been able to form genuine relationships, i do have a few friends but they all mean nothing to me and are just there so i’m not lonely. i’ve never been able to feel love or affection for anyone. and when i think abt it i dont even really want to be like them, i just want to make them suffer. i lie to everyone and only reveal my “true” self when im having a breakdown and basically cant control myself anymore as i have so much suppressed anger inside i sometimes feel like i have to genuinely put effort into stopping myself from physically attacking others; who cares abt words when im that far gone. and even then i later turn it around and make it seem like im just depressed and stuff (which is true, but theres also so much more no one knows about). everyone around me considers me a shy meek polite nice caring person and it just feels so ironic.

idk what to do at this point, genuinely. writing it all down like this makes me sound so fucked up even though i act relatively normal when i’m stable enough. but in reality i feel like on the inside i’m just breaking, i’ve had to turn to drug abuse as its literally the only thing that helps me cope with everything & prevent me from being even more destructive (towards both others and myself) and its making me even more short tempered when im sober and even more paranoid someone’s going to find out and get me in trouble. my therapist knows about it but doesnt do shit. ive been on so many psych meds before but its as if literally nothing ever works on me. like i would never normally seek advice on tumblr out of all places but i thought just maybe i would get understood here as i keep getting just either ignored or insulted on places like reddit (sure jan calling me a psycho is definitely going to help my issues when all i did was fucking ask how to cope with my issues).

sorry abt the wall of text. do you have any advice? ive been going to therapy for years but its all useless. i cant be honest with anyone for pretty obvious reasons. i just really dont feel like living for much longer. but even just acknowledging this ask and not judging me would mean a lot.

I obviously can’t diagnose you, but I will say a LOT of what you said is behaviors that and I other NPDs do, which makes me think that even if you don’t have it, advice and such that is geared towards pwNPD could help you. Unfortunately there isn’t much self-help geared towards pwNPD (I say self-help bc clearly your therapist is not a good therapist for you and I know it would probably be difficult to get a new one), but DBT workbooks are a good place to start. I think they’re technically geared more towards BPD, but they can definitely still help narcissists. Stuff like this is why I hate how much NPD is stigmatized, because we all DO deserve help and we all DON’T deserve to feel like this.

It sounds pretty basic, but are you a part of anything like online NPD/cluster B support groups, ie discord servers? Obviously they’re not a cure-all, but even just being around people who have the same thing and who you don’t have to mask around can help. If you don’t have any I could happily provide some if I can find a public one. Of course, communities like that can be a hit or miss, but it’s definitely at least worth a shot to try to find a group of people who are struggling with the same thing.

Another piece of advice, which might sound completely neurotypical on the surface, is to start journaling or writing down feelings. It might seem like just a small thing but having a place that only you can access where you can talk about things like vulnerability could be a good starting point, because at least you’re admitting it to yourself and getting it out there in some way. Lying to everyone and not being able to show your true self is really exhausting, so having one space that’s yours and yours only where you can learn to be comfortable with being vulnerable — even if it’s just to yourself — is a tiny thing that can work wonders. It doesn’t have to be some super dramatic “dear diary, woe is me” type thing, it can be something as simple as “Today I fucked up, and I know I fucked up, but I still blame xyz, I hate xyz.” That way you’re getting the vulnerable thoughts AND the angry thoughts out there without 1.) hurting others with the angry thoughts or 2.) having to show vulnerabity which would hurt you.

Of course the end goal might be to “unlearn” the behaviors, so to speak, but that can’t be done overnight, and until it is done, it’s better to have a few places to be open, even if it’s just amongst yourself or other pwNPD.

I hope this helped, lmk if you need more advice — and definitely know that you’re not alone, as cheesy as it sounds.

[clowncaraz]

I'm going to tell you something that i don't want to tell people.

i think i mainly ran away from my past identity in fear of not being able to ever be me. i mean, i am me. but let's start from the beginning.

i have been plural for as long as i remember. at least, the body has been. this year, a few headmates decided to tempt fate and call out transandrophobic on cohost. they talked about objectum attraction and it was taken out of context

https://www.tumblr.com/xenvaei/756768853598617600/dissolving-miroymon-whats-next?source=share

it's why the "doll wife guy" shit makes me cringe. i look at it and i say "that's not my wife", but i know it's a photo this body took way before i was even a fucking thought - before i, me, azriel, was even a speckle of dust in the system's brain.

i cringe because i take full responsibility for what they did. i take full responsibility for what Hail said. I take full accountability for not even being alive then, but sharing the BURDEN of being in the same BODY as the person who decided that their stupidity was worth it.

i am not Hai Mohi. I don't want to be known as Hail Mohi. But our money comes from anything under their name, under their work. When people look at me, at this face, at this body - they will see Hail Mohi instead of who I AM - instead of the new headmat forced to take over in order to salvage us.

i really really don't like lying to people. i really really don't like making it seem like i am here to deceive. i am not. i am not Hail Mohi, i was created with the sole purpose of taking over this body away from Hail, Monnie, Jade etc etc so that i could be a better person in their absence.

it doesn't excuse their behavior, it doesn't excuse their actions and the way they treated other people. but blame it all on me, and ill take that criticism and that hate and ill make myself into a better person.

im not hail mohi. im azriel. im my own person. plurality sucks. even when the people who messed up are gone from the system, you can only state responsibility in order to salvage what little safety you have to express your true self.

so, you can leave or you can block. no i perfer you run. because im a monster, an amalgamation of what is now dead. i have their hair, their hands, their thoughts, their voice - i am not the same person but this body is the same. i am not hail mohi. but i bear their ignorance.

and i don't know how to feel about that. shutting off plurality forever because every time you welcome people into the system, they are the most disgusting, abusive freaks you have lived with?

jesus, it's like this body can't get a break. and it makes me sick. of seeing how badly they wanted to change, but still fucking up. will i be able to be a better person than them? than a lot people? im owning for it, im apologizing and im helping others.

am i no longer a good person for being created with one objective; to be better than who came before? to remember all of their faults and love just so i can sit with the fact that i am constantly in fear of fucking up again - losing more people?

that because im in this body, i have to live with the consequences I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT until i was created on a whim - my creators fearful of my existence being any worse than theirs?

i don't want to turn into hail. i don't want to be known as hail. I'd end it before I'm called by that disgusting fucking name. i am not them. i was created to be better than them. in a body they already tained with their actions. disgusting.

im sorry for not saying this all at first. people should know the history of this body and how the generational curse on us manifests into our plurality - and how im sacred.. im scared ill end up like the rest of them.

im so fucking scared.

[merrinpippy]

thoughts on "the tear" from my commute:

i'm actually glad arthur's thinking of cauterising the wound bc i've also been thinking that

ruh roh baby tired

oh shit this has all been one day in canon. jesus

clark gable haircut okay now this we know about arthur. man likes his pomade i guess :p

john trying to convince arthur to sleep? can't tell whether he's being kind or has an ulterior motive at this point. oh is he trying to convince arthur to sacrifice oscar. ... yeah that's what's happening

nooooo oscar isn't done for I refuse to believe this.

"allow yourself to rest" ;-; i know he has an ulterior motive but baby...

noo I want arthur to sacrifice himself instead of oscar for the aaaangst

"he's served his purpose" okay now who's sounding callous?? D:

oh what's Arthur doing. yess good arthur finding another way ily. he's so smart and good and loyal<333

yessss arthur keep the stone with you i love you for your perseverance

oh ow where did he drop

"i am so sick of being treated like i don't exist" "am i so fucking incidental to you" johnnnnn babyyyyy

"because of what i'll learn" "i can't bear the thought that you've tricked me" ohhhhh arthur im cryyy

"i moved it from where you said to hit" "you aimed too high" GODD arthur and john... arthur's so terrified to be right

yeah i also thought that john was trying to waste time i just can't fathom why!! i'm so glad arthur sees it

he's so desperate to believe in john despite all the evidence. cries so hard

sidenote i want to learn these pieces of music on the piano so bad

(hm all these things are dice rolls-- maybe john has a condition that gives him a negative modifier? if we're accepting more gamey reasons why john is not noticing things idk)

HE SAW THE KEYS?

"you think I haven't [changed]--" :((((((

"ive been failing you" cries ohhh arthur is hitting certain nails on the head and recognising his own responsibility/culpability for john and yellows morality :(((((((((( and the pressure of referring to john as his conscienceee

"is it me that's causing you to fail? is it my lack of trust?" CRY

"what do you care about then?" "you!!"

can we find out what deal john made nowwwww?? argh they left it after dangling it precariously over our heads. i want to know why john cares so much about this cult!

ohhhh arthur agreeing to leave oscar alone to placate john you are so very codependent and i love it....

omg john being jealous is literally canonicalllllll i was fucking joking! i didn't think they'd have the guts to actually go there! i love that they're actually sitting down and talking about this and trying to fix it

john wanting to change<333

okay so john choosing not to see certain things was a choice but the portrait thing suggests that the memory problems are real

i like that the place is 'fused with another world' interesting concept and implications. lovely descriptions from john

oh ewww never mind did you have to say mucus

a hidden vault!!

saruman voice they delved too greedily and too deep...

ooh identity theft! twists and turns! omg what is this bitch doing, establishing a gateway?? why??? so strange and cool i want to knowww

love the lore about vowel elongation in ritual casting

what domain does he want to reach tho?? OH lovely imagery of the knife and wound, blood and clots etc! big fan!

oh shit contingency plan from ritual guy! he's not just a stupid cultist npc! repair the tear to eliminate the worms! so he's locating the realm of the gods??

failsafe sigil to trap the gods! cool! okay at least he's attempting to be somewhat safe even if it fucked up! why the fuck does he Want to open the gateway then??

the eye of the gods? meet their gaze?

i too wish to know scratch's true intentions

"a character it's playing" OH????? the thick plottens!

maybe scratch has been here so long he's gotten too into character/forgot he was anyone else

oh ay john has the same idea!! we r so smart

i actually think John has a point about the stone

oh John is so moved by Arthur agreeing with him ;-;

God they're so committed to each other i am eating it up with a shovel

omg ritual okay no time for speaking-- the barn is alive?? oh the description is so cool

oh shit that's. Bad. but inevitable. oh hello who's coming through! oh it's scratch of course

staring like a lost child aww

AAWWwww I'm almost sad about scratch

woman cackling? oh that was a fun explosion sound. a laaaaaady villain!! or genderfreak or whatever the fuck they're an elder god or some shit so gender doesn't really apply the same way

And john is still having memory problems so that's for sure not him lying. well about this anyway

"it looked like she was free" oh dear oh shit oh fuck!!! they set her free oh dear this is uh. they're gonna have such guilt complexes about this

but it was too easy, they did notice earlier that it felt too easy

"oh for fuck sake!" @ the barricade lmfao

aw oscarrrrr

aw arthur can't stand to let oscar get more hurt because of him and also values john enough to sacrifice his frienship with oscar....

their goodbye is so saaaaaad ;-;;;;;;

[anxiouslyextroverted]

any hot takes about anything?

I got heaps but the main 2 I've been thinking of currently have been.

I do not like people who tell me that me saying "I have autism" is bad.

I do not like the quote 'practice makes perfect'

So the first one about autism. I got my autism diagnosed at 6 and from that point onwards especially at school, my autism was seen by everyone as just my identity, I was called autistic as an insult on the daily basis and multiple slurs. so the idea that people are trying to say to me that "I'm autistic > I have autism" is weird to me cuz not only have I experienced more ableism from people that have used the "identity first" language, but I also have used these terms interchangeably. Its not that I see autism as a disease, I just used them interchangeably. but I always prefered saying "I have autism" because it makes me feel more comfortable seeing Autism as this extra thing to me rather than just my whole identity because my whole life I've had to convince so many people that no, autism is not just my identity, I have a personality outside of my autism diagnosis ffs. So yeah. Whenever psychologists and people in general saw me as "autistic" that was fine until they made it my entire being. My parents, friends, helper teachers would always say "Oh you're shy right now, thats you being autistic" "oh you're talking a lot its cuz you're autistic" , "You're not introverted, you're autistic." Its fine to use identity first language ofc if it validates you to be proud of autism, but I wish ppl would undestand that there are so many people that are uncomfortable with just being seen as 'autistic' as their identity, when I just can't see autism as my identity. So many times where I've had to tell people all my life "I'm me. My autism BARELY effects me." and im sorry if that is insensitive but its an objective fact for me that my autism does not effect me nearly as much as my helper teachers, friends and family claimed it did. I hope that explains why I just get so annoyed when people try to change my way of seeing it srry. Autism is not who I am. I'm me before my autism. Personality comes first.

And the second one about the practice makes perfect. I have been drawing since I was 7 years old. I drew on the daily basis both digitally and traditionally and I'm 20 now and you'd think I'd be at a pro level since I have been drawing every single day since 7 but no... I'm barely even intermediate. I'm average, I can't even draw angles or perspective and it took me last week to actually know how to draw lighting + lineart. So Practice doesn't always make perfect. What makes you good at things is practicing the right way. My years of drawing never worked out because I am naturally a messy person who can't draw angles and shit like that, I was learning how to draw overall rather than focusing on fundamentals (watching tutorials on how to draw manga chars rather than tutorials on anatomy ect is oof), I treated art like a stim rather than actually focusing like I would dissociate always and not think whilst drawing, memory bad, I have blind optimism which is just seeing things as way better than they really are. It srsly didn't help that so many of my friends learnt how to draw like a pro within 2 WEEKS which was insane to me. So yeah I just hate that quote. I'd ague that even practicing the right way may not even work either, some people just arent born for certain things. Like aphantasia and dyslcalculia seriously impact my ability to draw. Oh and this didn't just happen with drawing but with dancing too, I danced ever since 3 and I should be a pro but I'm not and all my practice amounted to nothing.

so ye theres some takes ig. The 2nd ones less controversial but I just feel so strongly about it cuz im sick of artists in particular getting told "just try" "just draw everyday" "just practice" and fuck it, its how i feel about exposure therapy too. I did performing in front people + public speaking since i was 9 and it never once improved my social anxiety infact I'm pret sure it made it worse. "oh you have social anxiety. just do confident things" bro that doesn't always work for peoplee

[dsk0fx]

My thoughts feel very all over the place and our of control right now I have too much in mt.head and it is confusing I feel angry at so many insignificant things. My head is spinning. I've never been this fucking dysphoric before I feel so shit in and about myself I'm an absolute fucking wreck I've put on so much weight I feel so awful about mysekr even though I know I am healthier now I can't look at myself in a mirror inhate my apperance I hate my hair I hate the fact I feel like I don't have a personality or any sense of self I don't know what I like or how I want to look or dress and I hate it my dysphoria is killing me I'm constantly paranoid about my period starting again I cannot be calm I need to change something about myself binding is killing me it hurts so bad ans icant regulate my temperature and I feel like my T isn't doing jack shit the gender clinic are being fuckin useless I need top surgery ans hysto I feel so out of control of everything I hate it so much I need my chest to be flat I need to pass I need my hair to be good I need to be clean I need to be clean I am not clean I need to be clean I am not taking care of myself at all ans like.i am getting so angry irrationally and protective over how Jakes been treated bad in the past it makes me irate I want to hurt anyone that has ever made him feel any bad feeling I feel so possessive n protective over him lately he is mine and only mine and the fact it's not always been that way is infuriating to me rn. Idk if it's bc he's been sick n I've gone into over protective mode or what but idk. I feel so out of control I duxking hate this I think I need to go back on my meds but I'm not sure. I don't even know who I am anymore any sense of identity is slipping away from me because I try to shove myself into boxes but I don't fit into one certain subculture n it's killing me even tho I know it's literally no big deal but I feel like if I don't I'll get judged and have to be a certain way so I feel like I have no personality of my own and don't know what ahy of my own interests of likes are because I just moulf to people around me and I need to stop smoking but I can't but im almost out of baccy

but it's the only thing making my head shut up and feel calm right now and I literally feel.like I cannot function I am so overwhelmed by everything right now I hate it so much I feel like.im.never seeing Jake right now eieher because he's at work so much and burnt out and I miss him I miss him I don't feel good at all I feel like I am going insane and I want it to stop I've been having really bad sh urges and I've been able to not so far but I'm scared but I've been drinking again and I'm trying to stop because I don't want to get dependent on drigs or alcohol again but addiction is wireed into me because of how severe my fucking ADHD is I can't help it and I need to not but my gp won't give me any of my meds and adult services arnwt willing to help or do shit until I'm 25 bx of my auriam and I dont know what's going on with the gender clinic or Mt t ans I'm so stressed everything feels too much right now my head won't stop it won't be quiet I hate it I cand motivate myself to do anything I'm a failure and a let down and not good at anything and don't even know why I am still here I cabr work im so mentally fucked in the head I can't even get a job I am useless and worthless and my.life feels hoplwss like I'm never going to do ajytbing with it I hate my head I hate my brain I hate myself I have every single little thing about myself I do not feel like a person I feel so far dissociated and depersonalized and derealizeed I feel like a feral animal trapped in a cage scratching and clawinh trying to escape until my skin is raw and I am bleeding I want to rip mt.skin off I donf feel human I am not okay please somebody bwlp me I don't want to wakw Jake up I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I don't feel okay I hate this I just want it to stop I just want to feel okay I want to feel like an actual human being and not an angry terrified animal

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi I am sorry I am not from America and I always thought the 4th was a happy thing. Why do you say it is not? I don't want to be rude just trying to understand (sorry if this is mean or bad English is not my first language)

helllllo, anon <3 (also please know this answer isn't targeted AT you, and you're....allowed to have questions and not understand; i did not interpret this as rude, you've done nothing wrong. i have answered and unfortunately, it is just a subject that makes me very passionate and blunt)

cw for below the cut: us politics! disability politics! roe v wade mention; gun violence

so personally, i have never liked the fourth because i hate fireworks! Since i was a child! I would camp out at home during the fourth, refusing to go anywhere because I hate loud noises and nothing activates a trauma response for me more that banging and booming and popping for sometimes hours (also if you have lived in a city ever, you know that the first week of July, and end of june is also often filled with fireworks, for no reason). i am very thankful that the past two years i have been in a very sleepy little part of my state and the fireworks haven't been an issue but like hell am i going anywhere

(also road closures? forget about it. crowds? nah, im way too paranoid to go anywhere with swarms of people and the News Today! Should tell you why! I stopped going to the movies years ago!). i have never celebrated, never gone to a fourth party, never done anything relating to this holiday.

and you know.

politically.

i find it very hard to celebrate "independence" and "freedom", especially these past 8 years when rights continue to be taken away; when a man endorsed by the KKK was able to be elected into office. where laws are made to protect guns and not people (lol did we hear in texas how 100 MILLION was given to increase school safety, and 50 million of that is going towards "bullet-resistant" shields for police officers? cool cool cool). where people with disabilities cannot get married or have a job without risking losing their benefits; where bodies are treated as expendable; are battlegrounds and identities are debatable. where you're a whole person in one state and can't cross a border into another without fearing for your life. where the right to love and marry whomever you want regardless of race or gender is a question, and something up for discussion.

where we are on YEAR THREE of a global pandemic with no end in sight and money is continuously prioritized over well-being of the people who live here. its amazing to me that money can "just be found" when our military needs it, but we were unable to provide checks to people during the pandemic, or housing to people who need it or hell even make fucking tampons free. where i am forced to live with the results of failed leadership on behalf of the potus (Vote! is the new thoughts and prayers and i am sick of it) and there are RAMIFICATIONS that trickle down to my place of work, and where i attend school, and where my kid attends school, and how people exist in this world. where representatives who are trying their damn best to fight for us, are labeled as lunatics. and that's not even all of everything.

I flew on a plane a few weeks ago for the first time in three years and while I was in line at security, with my child, there was an "ALL STOP" called over the PA system and I was standing there, while the TSA agents listened to their radio, calculating an exit plan for my kid while I was fully prepared to go into the fire should anything happen. That is the world we are living in, the country we are living in.

that isn't something i'm going to celebrate.

life liberty and the pursuit of happiness my entire asshole, tbh. i am not celebrating jack shit.

[rreeaahh]

“I like you in blue.” | Blaise Zabini

pairing: blaise x ravenclaw! fem! reader

words count: 5,786

summary: despite of any difference between them, blaise found himself falling for the ravenclaw girl who likes to shuffle the tarot cards.

warnings: swearing; underage drinking; sexualizing; smoking; fluff, angst, happy end

tagging a person who showed minimum interest for this idea (sorry if im bothering you, love!!!) @freddieweasleyswife​

a/n: this is the longest thing i’ve ever create. please be kind dear lord.

 Your smile was growing with every joke Michael Corner was telling you and the other Ravenclaw girls while sitting in the courtyards of Hogwarts, the sun giving your hair a fairy sparkle. Your robe was besides you, the sunny day of April giving you a warm feeling to your spine and if it wasn’t the blue tie around your neck, tied carefully, Blaise Zabini wouldn’t assume your house.

“Blaise, fuck off,’ spoke Pansy, already annoyed by his lack of concentration to her speech, ‘I’m trying to help you with your birthday party.”

The Slytherin boy looked at her and gave her a bored look, after rolling his eyes. “I already told you, Pans, my birthday is next week, Monday.”

“Yes, I know,’ she responded with a sigh, ‘but we can throw the party Saturday.”

“Why not Sunday?’ asked Goyle, his best mate nodding his head.

“Yeah, Sunday’s closer to Monday,” Crabbe added, making Draco roll his eyes.

“Because you two are the dumbest people alive and you’ll be sick the next morning, and that’s going to get us in trouble if we’re caught.”

“Yes,’ continued Pansy, ‘so keep it a secret, only Slytherins.”

The rest of them agreed with the dark haired witch, but Blaise was looking to you again. He was somehow jealous of the way other guys could talk to you so easily and make you enjoy the conversation, while he failed every time he tried to approach you. He could feel you tense up as soon as he’d be next to you, talking, and how you were trying to avoid any contact with him.

“Do you hear me, loverboy?” Pansy snapped her finger in front of him, gaining his attention. “Only Slytherins, so stop looking at her.”

Despite of his friends believes, Blaise was interested in you. They told him multiple time about your subtle rejection, but you never actually told him to stop – he’d observed you since your fourth year and he figured out your talkative attitude, and he was pretty sure that if you’d want him to disappear, you’d simply tell him.

“Oi, Blaise,’ spoke Goyle, also looking at you, ‘didn’t you get bored?”

“Yeah,’ Crabbe continued his speech, like an annoying parrot, ‘she’s annoying, playing hard to get.”

“Besides,’ said Malfoy before Blaise could tell something, ‘I really am surprised you pay that much attention to a mongrel.”

He only rolled his eyes again, questioning himself about the kind of friends he chose – it was true that he also had that purity concept in his mind, but when it came to you it seemed to be invisible; besides, you were half as pure as he was, so it wasn’t such a big deal.

“She doesn’t play hard to get, Crabbe,’ he said and got up, the bell announcing the end of the last break of that day, ‘She is hard to get, and that’s a really fun game to play,” he smirked to himself as he saw you leaving the group of Ravenclaws and going to your last class for that day. “My birthday, my guests, Parkinson,” he simply said to the girl and left them behind, following your steps to the Divination class, a class he chose to attend in his third year just because of boredom. That’s were he saw you for the first time, and the next year he found himself looking for you in the big room.

Usually you were going to Divination with your housmate and friend Padma Patil, a girl who was somehow strange in Blaise’s opinion just for the fact that she was in a different house than her twin – looking at the Weasley boys he always thought hat identical twins are identical in everything. When Blaise entered the class, the tea smell hit him immediately, along with the scent of old books from where Trelawney could teach them something important, but she only spoke nonsense.

His eyes found you quickly, seeing you at a table, looking at the crystal globe with boredom. He walked to you and set his books down, gaining your attention, You looked like you saw a ghost, but that didn’t make him step back.

“Hello, dove,” he spoke gently as he sat down next to you.

He could already feel you tense up because of the nickname he gave you after a dove sat on your head in the fourth year, as you were in the train station, waiting to go back home. Nobody seemed to notice besides Padma and Cho, who were right next to you, but Blaise saw and smiled when you two made eye contact.

“Blaise,” you simply greeted him, trying as hard as you could to give him as little attention as you could.

Deep down you knew that all the attention Blaise gave you made something to grow in your soul, but you were also aware of all the comments running around Hogwarts about his reputation and behavior, so you tried to keep you for yourself. He wasn’t a bad person to you, even if you often heard him being a jerk to his friends, but that wasn’t enough to fall into his trap.

“How it comes you’re here, all alone?” he asked in a calm voice.

His voice was something you started to hate about him – it was so dual; when he’d spoke to anyone, he’d have a flat tonality, bored and cold, but when he’d spoke to you, he’d become the nicest person in the entire school, and that duality made you doubt his true intentions.

“Padma’s sick,” you said and looked at him in a rush, your eyes leaving his as soon as you realized he was already watching you.

“You don’t mind if I take her place today, right?” he asked and you dared to look at him, his dark eyes softening suddenly.

He thought that that question was actually asking if his presence was bothering you or not. By the way you’d respond him – sincere or just polite – he’d know how to treat you in the future. You, on the other hand, tried to make the best decision; a full hour next to him would be dangerous for your lucidity, but before you’d think twice you gave him an unexpected smile and nodded your head slightly.

“It’s fine,’ you said and Blaise returned your smile, ‘you can’t work alone in this subject.”

“So I’m just didactical material?” Blaise asked, pretending to be offended, but Trelawney entered the class, shuffling a deck of cards.

You didn’t respond Blaise, paying attention to the introduction the Professor made about that lesson, talking about Cartomancy and they way the cards could tell you the hole future of a person. Your tablemate wasn’t so concerned about her speech, his eyes and full concentration being on you. Even after two years of being aware of his interest in you, the boy still wasn’t sure about the nature of his feelings – it was a crush, an obsession, a target or a true love? He wanted so hard to find out and to reach that goal, but he couldn’t do that if you gave him no opportunity.

“Blaise?” you tried to wake him up from his open-eyed sleep he fallen into. He saw you looking at him with big doe eyes and he was amazed by the bright color and tried to play it cool, even if he was caught off guard. “We’ll read each other future,” you told him and continued to shuffle the deck of tarot cards.  

“You really involve yourself here, don’t you?”

“I didn’t take this class just to pass time,” and by his shamed expression, you figured out that it was exactly what he did. You laughed at his reaction and continued to shuffle the deck. “D’you know how to do it?” you asked and looked at him – his eyes were scanning your hands, their fast moves.

“Ladies first,” he winked in your direction and you rolled your eyes. “Could you also tell me what’re you doing, exactly?”

“I need to shuffle the deck so the energies will become one – after that, you need to pick some cards. Think about your future and chose one,” you encouraged him as you showed him the cards.

Blaise got one out of the deck at showed it to you – The Lovers, upright.

“Another one,” you said and he did as you asked; The Fool, upright. You just gave him a look and he understood that you wanted him to choose more cards.

The next three cards made you open your eyes wider – Chariot, Hermit and Sun, all of them in reverse. Blaise looked at you, confused, and asked if everything’s fine.

“Well, we should take it step by step,” you began and took The Lovers. “It’s kind of obvious what that card means, but in connection with the rest of them it’s not so bright,” you admitted and he only looked at you, waiting to continue.

“The Fool means innocence and vulnerability, but it’s also a card that shows already misplaced steps, so maybe you have a romantic situation with someone but you made the wrong moves on them.”

Blaise raised his brows – did he make something wrong to you? Would that be the reason that you were so distant?

“The next three are more complicated,’ you continued, ‘because The Chariot means that a part of you knows what’s best but you don’t do it, and it may be because of The Hermit brings a fear of loneliness with it, but also a state of isolation. The Sun is a card that usually doesn’t bring bad things with it, so you don’t need to stress too much over it – it means that everything will end up fine, but you need to take care and to be gratefull.”

If Blaise would be honest with himself, he understood nearly nothing – the only cards that seemed important were The Lovers and The Fool – if that nonsense was true he needed to approach you different.

“Your turn,” you smiled and gave him the deck, which he started to shuffle, thinking about your future. He hoped for you to have more good cards than he did.

When Blaise gave you the possibility to extract five cards, you ran your hand all over them and picked the first ones that you felt  connection with – The Devil and The Star upright, while The Moon, The Lovers and The World were reversed.

“Holy shit,” you said out loud, all the students looking at you as Blaise tried to figure out if it was good or not.

“What happened, Y/N?” asked Professor Trelawney and scared you with her sudden presence. “Merlin bread,” she also muttered and picked up the cards.

“It’s good?” Blaise asked. “I mean, we both got The Lovers and The Sun and The Moon,” he said confused.

The panic took control over him as he saw you being concerned with your cards. “That means your approaching future is connected,” the teacher said, suddenly excited of the odds the cards predicted.

“But not in a necessary good way,” you said somehow annoyed. “The Devil means seduction and The Star is hope, The Moon in reverse is full of insecurities and fears, while The Lovers in my case will bring suffering and conflict.”

Blaise felt embarrassed. He thought that you two will match each other in a good way. “And The World?”

“The World in reverse means that she’ll feel incomplete for a while,” Trelawney explained and clapped her hands. “You two are bonded, you need to keep in touch with me for the next days, kids, that’s exciting.”

The teacher left and gave you a feeling of anxiety, being alone with Blaise. The cards meant that you two will have a dark future together so all you needed to do to avoid that is to avoid him – but why did that idea give you a bigger feeling of sadness that the cards did?

You let the rest of the deck back on the table and started to write down what Professor Trelawney was telling about Cartomancy and its way to predict the future. “Y/N,” Blaise whispered, trying to get your attention, but you asked him to let you focus. And he did. He even wrote down some things too, despite it was clear that he was bored to death.  

“That’s all for today, kids, and remember! The future can’t change you, but you can change the future!” the teacher shouted. “Or it was inverse?”

 ***

“Michael, shut up,” you laughed and cover your mouth, trying to make less noise. “We’ll be kicked out of the library.”

It was already Saturday and a lot of students were in Hogsmeade, leaving the castle emptier. Michael offered himself to help you study to Potions, an object you were struggling with. It was even more complicated now, when Horace Slughorn was the teacher.

“Fine, fine,” he said and grabbed your hand, uncovering your mouth. His action was seen by the Slytherin boy from across the room, who was pretending to study with his friends. “I think we’re done here,” the boy told you and you rolled your eyes.

“You’re not helping me if you get bored after twenty minutes,” you told Michael as he got up and grabbed his things, smiling to you as he left you there, books all over the table along with parchments.

Blaise saw it as the perfect opportunity to approach you again – since the weird Divination lesson he got no chance to talk to you. You were always running to your classes, eating with the rest of the Ravenclaws, hiding Merlin knows where – all he got to do these few days was to watch you whenever your ways would came together. He left Crabbe and Goyle alone, not caring if they would say something in protest.

“Alone again, little dove?” he asked you and sat down right next to you, making you jump in your chair, scared of his sudden apparition.

“Not anymore,” you chuckled and damned yourself for the feeling of joy that erupted inside you.

“Glad to keep you company,” he smiled gentle, resting his elbows on the wooden table. Blaise Zabini was a gorgeous boy – his dark eyes seemed to be lighter when the sun would hit them and his skin seemed to be warm and soft, especially his lips, which would always lift up in a smile near you. He wasn’t the same bored, annoyed and frowned boy you’d see when he’d be around other Slytherins.

“Why so happy?” you asked and put your elbows on the table too, resting your head on your palms.

“Can’t a boy be happy when he’s near a pretty girl?”

“I’m flattered,” you smiled and looked at your notes, only to avoid his gaze.

The sweet gesture of blushing and avoiding his eyes made Blaise’s heart jump in his chest – it was a strange sensation, which made him even more confident on his decision.

“What’re you doing tonight, dove?”

You tried to think about your plans, but they were nonexistent. It was a Saturday night, so you’d probably end up staying up late with Padma and Cho while talking about Rowena Ravenclaw knows what.

“Nothing much, I think,” you shrugged. “Staying in my dorm.”

Blaise felt luckier than ever. “Come to a party with me,” he asked with joy in his voice. The smile on your lips only grew bigger in amusement but you realized that he was dead serious.

“A party?” you asked and laughed with sarcasm.

“Yeah,’ he responded, ‘don’t tell me that Miss Y/L/N doesn’t break rules sometimes.”

“Oh, she does,” you said and started to draw in the corner of one of your parchments. “What party?” you asked and this time Blaise was the amused one.

“A Slytherin one, of course,’ he said proudly, ‘and you’re my guest.”

Not knowing how to react, you gathered your things slowly as Blaise watched you and got up, squeezing the papers to your chest. “I don’t know,’ you answered and you were ready to leave, ‘I’ll think about it and I’ll let you know.”

You wanted to leave so you stepped away from him, but before you knew he got his hand around your wrist, pushing you behind a book shelf. Instinctively, you pressed your back against the old wooden shelf and looked him in the eyes, confused.

“Why are you always running away from me?” he asked directly, leaving you breathless. He was close to you, his body nearly pressed against yours, and his nose was blowing air on your lips.

“I’m not,” you lied and he just scoffed, like he was tired of this stupid behavior of yours.

“Y/N, it’s confusing, dove,’ he started, ‘you’re not saying no to my flirt but you don’t play along either. Am I bothering you with all my insistence?”

It was the first time when Blaise was playing his cards as he got them – open to the public eye; in that case, you. All you could do was to shake your head as you’d continue to watch his facial expression, now relaxing.

“Then why are you always so scared to be around me?”

His question was so simple and yet so complicated. If he’d know the true answer everything would change, and your future could be the same as the cards predicted.

“We don’t belong together, Blaise,” you sighed.

He laughed, shaking his head as he disapproved you. “And why’s that?”

“I’m a Ravenclaw and you’re a Slytherin,” you tried to say, but he interrupted you.

“You think we don’t belong together because of our houses?” he said like it was some kind of joke.

“Don’t you?”

Blaise Zabini didn’t know if he should be upset or amused by your question, Yes, of course he was raised with the idea of Slytherins being superior to the others, but he was also a very curious boy, who always got what he wanted – and now he wanted to know why you were running away from him.

“I don’t when it comes about you,” he confessed. “I don’t care if you’re a half-blood, a Ravenclaw or anything else, dove. You’re pretty, and I like you in blue.”

His other hand was now on your cheek, caressing your skin gently.

“I’m not so pretty,” you said and looked him in the eyes, like you were trying to convince him that he could do so much better.

“Shouldn’t Ravenclaws be smarter than that?” he joked, making you also let out a chuckle. “Come with me tonight,” he asked you again, this time witching you with his soft touch.

You were sure that Blaise put a spell on you, or else you couldn’t explain yourself why you were getting closer to him. “Ok,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” Blaise smirked and placed a fast peck on your lips, like he just showed you that his intentions are way bigger. “Sorry,” he said smiling, “I wanted to do that for two years.”

You blushed – hard, and he found it cute. Everything about you seemed to be so innocent and vulnerable that he wanted to keep you for himself.

“What should I wear tonight?”

Blaise shrugged. “I don’t know, dove. Anything you feel comfortable with.”

But his answer wasn’t satisfying. “I’ll find something good enough to not embarrass myself in front of all those pretty SLytherin girls.”

“They’ll be basic, darling,’ he laughed, ‘green or black.”

“Then I’ll search for something like that, too.”

“But I told you, I like you in blue.”

After another blushing cheeks, Blaise freed you and let you go to you dormitory. He went back to his table, were now were also Draco and Pansy, talking with the two idiots.

“I knew you’d come out of nowhere after your little bird left the library red like a tomato,” Pansy laughed but he knew it was just a way of hiding her true emotions – she wasn’t mean in reality, but she wanted to keep up with her boyfriend’s reputation.

“Funny, Pans,” he simply said and sat back down on his chair. “Got what we need?” he asked Draco.

“Yes, your mother made sure we could bring all the bottles back to the castle without being caught.”

“That’s the least she could do for her only child,” he joked. “Y/N’s coming tonight, so you better be nice – or, better, don’t even speak to her.”

“Why?” asked Goyle.

“She’s hot,” continued Crabbe.

“Watch your mouth, idiot,” muttered in annoyance Blaise, looking at him.

“Oh, c’mon,” continued Pansy with a smirk. “Don’t tell me that she didn’t caught your eye after she grew a pair of boobs.”

“She’s right, mate,” Draco said and laughed.

“Her body’s a bonus,” he admitted without any shame. You were gorgeous and he couldn’t deny that your body was a bonus to your personality.

“A big one, if we keep in mind that you know the bare minimum about her,” Pansy said in the same mean tone, making Blaise roll his eyes as the rest of them laughed at him for being so in love.

 ***

In six years at Hogwarts you took part to many parties – parties thrown by your house, by the Gryffindors or Hufflepuffs, but you never got the chance to enter the Slytherins’ Common Room and to party along with them. They didn’t bully you personally, but you had eyes and ears so you could be aware of all the mean comments those kids could say. Just because they were rich and pure they thought they were some kind of royalty, and you felt strange, being half of what they were.

The cyan dress was hugging your curves and the make-up Cho putted on for you was elegant and yet simple.

“Take care, ok?” Padma asked as she hugged you, being afraid of the idea – you meeting Blaise after the cards literally said that you two together would destroy each other.

“It’s a party, Padma,” you laughed as you stepped away from your friends, sneaking out of the Ravenclaw Tower. The cloak you were wearing helped you walk in the dark without being too obvious. It was around ten when you entered the Dungeons and when you were surrounded by the sound of water hitting against the stone walls.

In the letter Blaise sent you was written the hour he was expecting you and the password of the Slytherin House, along with an advice about how to trick the skull.

“Password?” the skull asked when it saw you standing there, arms crossed to your chest.

You rolled your eyes and sighed. “Pureblood,” you said between your teeth, and the big door opened immediately after.

You stepped in and you were amazed by the green lights coming from the ceiling, the loud muggle music you could recognize and the dancing ring in the middle of the room. All the Slytherins were dressed elegant, the boys wearing shirts unbuttoned to the first two or three buttons, and the girls being dressed in fancy dresses while holding a champagne glass or dancing sensually with each other. It was new for you, all that club atmosphere.

“You’re Y/N, right?”

You looked behind you, were two young boys were holding firewhiskey glasses. You nodded, still confused.

“Blaise’s waiting for you,” the taller one told you while the shorter one held out his hand.

“Give me your cloak,” he asked nicely and you did as he said, thanking him. You felt kind of revealed, the dress reaching your knees while the other girls’ were half to their thigh or long to the ground, but cut on the side. Some of them were watching you and the anxiety took control over your body. Did Blaise really deserved you to go through all of these, only to see if you could be good together?

You followed the boy to the other side of the big room, walking past dancing teenagers. Blaise sat down on a leather couch, surrounded by boys and girls, all of them smoking or having a glass of alcohol. You really felt strange watching them, because you knew how forbidden was to do such things in Hogwarts – in the muggle word, when you’d visit your grandparents, you’d frequently see teenagers smoking in parks or having a can of beer.

“Y/N!’, Blaise greeted you with a big smile on his face, ‘you made it!”

He got up from the couch, abandoning his cigarette in an ashtray to hug you and kiss your cheek. “You look amazing, dove,” he whispered in your ear as you melted slowly in his arms. Now that Blaise was present, you didn’t felt in danger anymore. You were completely lost, no chance to leave that party without admitting to yourself that you’ve fallen in love with the boy who, for two years, was nice to you everyday.

“Guys, she’s Y/N,” Blaise told the others as he sat back on the couch, dragging you along with him. The other Slytherins greeted you and a girl named Tracey said how much she loved your dress, asking you where did you get it.

“It was a present from my mother, from the muggle world,” you said, realizing the words you said only after saying them.

“How cool!” she shouted, a little dizzy from the firewhiskey. “You two have that in common,’ she said while leaning to Theodor Nott, ‘Blaise spends a lot of time in the muggle world too, even if he hates them!” she laughed.

You only nodded your head and smiled to Theodore, who apologized for her behavior.

“Want something to drink?” Blaise asked you, a hand appearing over your shoulders.

“Do you guys have anything else besides firewhiskey?” you whispered in his ear, giving him goosebumps.

“I’ll bring you some champagne,” he said back, making you laugh.

“Fancy,” was all you could respond before he got up, leaving you alone with the others.

They were chatting and laughing, only Tracey smiling to you and asking you some questions from time to time, while she was now in Theodore’s lap. Blaise came back with a sparkling glass, the bubbles tickling you when you drank.

 ***

It was the third or the ninth glass of champagne and you were laughing to yourself as Blaise was talking nonsense in your ear, kissing your lobe from time to time while holding your hand. He’d kissed you now and then, only shortly when he considered to be fine with you – you didn’t mind his soft lips against yours.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” you said and tried to get up.

“I’ll show you the way,” he told you as you were on your feet, but a sound of heels stopped him.

“It’s fine, partyboy,’ Pansy laughed and grabbed your hand, smiling friendly, ‘I was going to the bathroom too,’ she said, ‘and also, Draco’s waiting for you in your dorm, for your birthday surprise,” she winked in his direction and started to walk away with your hand in her, her steps taking you to a large common bathroom with mirrors and sinks and toilets. You entered a toilet in the same time as Pansy and let out all the liquids in your body, breathing in release. When you exited the toilet, Pansy was washing her hands and watching you through the mirror.

“I’m really glad you could come to Blaise’s party, he really wished to have you here near his birthday.”

“It’s his birthday?” you asked terrified. He never told you why there was a party.

“Yeah, but it’s Monday, you still have time to bring him a gift if those kisses don’t count,” she joked and winked to you, while your hands froze under the water. “It’s fine,’ she said when she observed the blush on your cheeks, ‘we already know about your friendly relationship.”

“Our…,” you muttered confused.

“Yes, Blaise told us how long he ran after you until you gave up and accepted.”

You didn’t understand her words. “Could you be more explicit?’ you laughed, ‘I think I had too much champagne.”

Pansy leaned on the sink and took out of her purse a cigarette, lighting it with her wand. “I heard Blaise telling the boys how good you were looking and how curious he was to see what’s under those blue robes, and I see he didn’t give up until he brought you here, to his party.”

“What?” was all you could ask, starting to feel the emptiness in your body.

“Yeah, I guess you know his mother,’ Pansy chuckled, ‘I think it’s a family tradition to want something that you can’t have and after you have it, to use it and be bored of it soon after.”

Her words were hurting your ears, your heart.

“But don’t worry,’ she continued in a friendly tone, ‘Tracey was in your place too, and she told me it was worthy – Blaise knows what to do with a girl.”

But he didn’t know what to do with you. That was his intention? To seduce you, to give you hope that you could be together, after all, and then to use you as a toy? Madness started to grow inside you along with sadness.

“Thanks for taking me to the bathroom, Pansy,” you smiled to the young witch, who only smiled back and watched you leave.

You wanted to leave. You wanted to leave and never get back there or near one of those Slytherins. They knew – they were aware of Blaise’s little game of playing with you and they did nothing. Of course they did nothing – you weren’t one of them.

“Dove!” shouted a voice behind you but you continued to walk until you left the Common Room, standing in front of the skull and ignoring its questions. All your dizziness disappeared once you heard Pansy’s words.

“Y/N!” called Blaise again, now grabbing your hand and making you stop. “What happened, dove?” he asked confused, his eyes red and his breath smelling like menthol and smoke.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, let me go,” you asked him calmly but he didn’t.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he requested worried. And that made you angrier.

“It’s wrong how stupid I am!” you laughed and freed yourself from his grip. “I really believed we could end up together for real!”

Blaise raised his brows. “We could?” he asked confused, and then he realized. “Of course, we still can,” he said immediately and made you laugh harder, angrier.

“Fuck off, Blaise Zabini. I’m not one of your toys so fuck off and never talk to me again,” you told him and left, he still shouting after you when he heard a pair of steps and paws coming from behind him.

Even if he knew what was the best thing to do for you two, he swore and got back into his Common Room, ready to question Pansy about what the fuck was wrong with her.

***

Monday was already a tiring day, but after a whole weekend full of tears, you were practically a zombie. The bags under your eyes were dark, no matter how hard Cho tried to help you to cover them, and the lack of sleep and food was obvious simply by looking at your face. The reason, anyway, was known only by you, your friends, and probably all the Slytherins.

Care of Magical Creatures was a fun class for you – that’s why you chose to take it. Hagrid was a nice teacher, always making everyone feel good during his lessons. The worst part was that Blaise and other Slytherins were taking that class too, and you didn’t feel like dealing with him. You practically had no idea what Hagrid was talking about because you were trying too hard to avoid Blaise’s gaze in the crowd of students. You’d look at the cloudy sky, the trees moving because of the wind and you tried to predict when the rain would come.

“Thank you very much for today, kids,” Hagrid said in his accent, happy that no one got hurt that day.

Everybody started to go back to the castle, following the path, but when you wanted to leave the forest the way was blocked by a solid body.

“Move away,” you asked without looking at him.

“You can’t ignore me forever, dove,” he sighed and looked over his shoulder, seeing that you two were now alone.

“I could try, at least,” you shrugged and crossed your arms over your chest.

“Could you just listen to me?”

“So you could lie?”

But Blaise did something you never expected – he got a little bottle out of his robes – Veritaserum.

“What the…”

“Stole it, long story,” he simply said and took a sip before giving you the bottle. You did what he did and gave back the now empty bottle.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Pansy told me you’re only playing.”

“I’m not,” he answered and you were somehow shocked.

“I don’t think we are good for each other.”

“I do.”

You rolled your eyes and tried to keep your mouth shut, but the potion made its effects. “I’m not good enough for you. I’m not like them.”

“Like who?” Blaise asked worried and approach you, grabbing your hands gently.

“I’m not elegant like the girls in your house. I don’t smoke and I don’t drink firewhiskey, I don’t party like that and I don’t wear that kind of dresses. I’ve never had sex and I don’t think I want to have just now.”

You covered your mouth and looked down to your shoes.

“I don’t care about those things,” he said sad. “I care about you, ok? I care about your smile and your passion for Divination, I care about your cute cyan dress and about your big eyes. We are good for each other, Y/N.”

His voice was strong and sure about its words, and that made your eyes form tears again. “I’m scared,” you admitted. “I’m not a Slytherin and I’m not like who you’d like me to be.”

Blaise smiled to you and cupped your face, wiping away your tears. “You’re pretty,’ he said, putting a little smile on your face, ‘and I like you no matter what.”

Knowing it was the pure truth, you smiled bigger and crushed your lips against his, the rain starting to pour on your bodies.

“I told you, my dove,’ he said with his forehead leaned to yours, ‘I like you in blue.”

You started to laugh with happiness as the rain started to be more violent, hitting the ground with big drops. Blaise grabbed your hand and started to run with you to the castle, hand in hand, his green robes fluttering along with your blue ones.

[tiefling-queer]

[Image description: a screenshot of a tumblr post by user @/maykitz. The post is an image of an edited screenshot of the business card from the movie American Psycho. The card has a phone number in the upper left corner, a business name in the upper right, and a picrew icon in the center. The text under the picrew icon reads

‘Patrick BATEMAN Vice President He/They

DO NOT INTERACT IF Anti-MOGAI, Exclusionist/REG, Against Mspec Lesbians/Gays, Use the term ‘little’ as a singlet, Anti-neo/noun/emoji pronouns

End description]

ok, im just getting really sick of this kind of shit.

i had to remake my blog a few years back - drop the old one and start over to get away from aphobic bullshit that got so bad it was impacting my mental health. i’ve had this blog now for a few years, and have seen the tides change again and again as people who would never be caught dead interacting with their local queer community campaigned against complete non-issues while roleplaying being the popular girls in a 00s teen sitcom. frankly, im just sick of it.

i’m sick of seeing aphobia treated like a joke, of seeing ‘exclusionist’ treated like a punchline. i’m sick of mspec identities being told to simplify ourselves, stop using language we’ve used for years (and historically that our communities have used for decades), i’m sick of seeing neo pronouns and use of multiple pronouns treated like a fucking joke, i’m sick of seeing DID being treated like a fucking joke, i’m sick of the lives, struggles, and identities of marginalized people being a fucking joke to you losers.

‘oh you just don’t get the joke-’ i completely get the joke. you want to say that patrick bateman - a character that is meant to be a satirical commentary as a wealthy, egotistical cishet white man with violent urges brought on by his own entitlement as a wealthy white businessman, who then feels entitled to act on those urges - would be the kind of tumblr user who uses a picrew icon and he/they pronouns. you wanted to make a joke that it would be really funny if patrick bateman put ‘exclus dni’ in his carrd. you wanted to make a joke about how the american psycho patrick bateman would totally be oversensitive about DID stuff.

you wanted to make the joke about the picrew icon, you wanted to make the joke about the cringy nonbinary people who use neopronouns and nounself pronouns and ‘what’s next emoji pronouns lololol’ as if that isn’t just ordinary fucking attack-helicopter brand transphobia. you wanted to make the joke about ‘cringy mentally ill kids who think they have DID’. you wanted to make the joke about how mentally ill nonbinary queer people ‘act like they’re softbois but are evil and egotistical’

you’ve never been funny a day in your life if you think peak comedy is ableism and transphobia. fuck right off

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!