#im so thankful to know ppl like you

[itsseohannbin]

Baby, I’m so sorry about what happened to you. I’m here for you, along with our small community, and if you need some help, please let me know. I will definitely help you if I can help

lol why is that literally me & Han?

Thank you pookie ♡

I'm trying to just recover from the crappy week I already had and adding this to it definitely isn't helping but I'm trying to stay positive.

I love you more ♡

- Hannji ♡

[tianhai03]

didnt have the time to do a full finished drawing, but i tried to keep up with my tradition for redrawing the same good bro day drawing ive done for 3 years already :')

(last year's, which also has links to prev years as well)

[caitlyn-kirammans]

caitvi fix recs? 👀

Hi, hello! Oh gosh, there's so many great fics out there! Can you believe we have 6000+ caitvi fics and counting??? It used be like 100 lol. I personally have a very long list of backlogs too haha (staring at my 30+ opened fics who are mostly 100k+ words lmfao). I'll list down some that are, at the top of my head, my favorites!

Do note the AO3 warnings too. Some can be NSFW, or some tropes might not interest you, and that's okay! Fandom should be fun for YOU! And if they're not your cup of tea, you can always just read something else that might pique your interest.

With that, here are my two favorite authors: @sunsetsharkblog (AO3 link) and @unamedica (AO3 Link). All of their works are amazing, and you can read pretty much everything they've published. Reasons being:

They update and publish a heck ton of works that are consistently AMAZING

Even if some stories have tropes that I don't usually read (e.g. high school, ABO, royalty, etc etc), I end up loving them and getting into the tropes itself. It takes a great author to do that to me, personally.

My faves are King of Zaun and the Hunter and the Hunted series from Medica, and What a Week and the When we’re together series from Sunset, but ALL their stuff are great and you should definitely check them out.

And here are more other favorite works/authors:

thescriptorium's Where is Love?

hdsoull's It's reassuring (you keep coming around)

@linka-from-captain-planet's devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes

@becasbelt's either way, we're not alone (I'll find a new place to be from) and you're a word that I can't forget

rosetattoos's lucid dreams about you

lorrxai's Vi's Guide to Not Picking Up Guys

all of @thehaakun's fics, with on your authority as my personal favorite

@connielingus423's late fine

wiseturtlebear's Plus One

KariAteRachel's Bloom for Her

@prettyaveragewhiteshark's you carry my fears (as the heavens set fire)

AmberZ10's All's Fair

JynErsoinNYC's Silver Spoons

cityseeker's the heart's epiphany

HaughtBreaker's Traffic Stop

@heymacareyna's bring me java, bring me joy

CashewNut_Cam's Total Immersion

MyrtenasterRose's The Ace Up Her Sleeve

p0etess's gray is not a real color

hellboy's for crown & country

RedPanda92's Even If Nothing's Certain, I'll Take a Chance With You

MagicBoot's It's about you and me

SarcastCity's Unexpected Chemistry

anyways to every single one of you fic authors ily all so much! thank you for the hard work you guys do for the fandom <3

[spamsandsuch]

A RE-insight on Jolli and Jokir (ft. a little bit of Seam!)

Hello hello, since it's been a long time I wanted to updated my og biographies of Jolli and Jokir since it's like. Severely more outdated than i thought and Jolli and Jokir are like way more different now lmao

I also wanted to make this post to build more of the story in my au, since it's been a gradual process for me and I think posting this first may help aid in understanding future posts of mine that revolve around the twins

here we go!!!!! enjoy

Synopsis

Based on the two joker cards in a deck, Jolli and Jokir are twin siblings that originate and live in the Card Kingdom. They’re two jesters who enjoy performing in acts and entertaining darkners, and Jolli and Jokir often have respective personas when putting on a show. However, most darkners don’t care for the twins’ acts, and as a result their audience is pretty slim to sometimes none. The only opportunity where the twins CAN perform for large audiences is when they get to perform with Seam – the Card Kingdom’s Court Magician – when they host the annual circus for all of Card Kingdom to see. The problem, however, lies in the fact that performers of the circus need permission from the four kings who rule Card Kingdom to participate – something that the kings never grant the twins; since the last time the twins performed in the Circus years ago, an accident involving the twins occurred and caused the circus to end in such a disaster the four kings deemed them both responsible for it – thus kicking them out of the Royal Court permanently. As such, Jolli – the more optimistic twin – works as hard as they can to practice performing and gaining the attention of more darkeners with the help of their brother, Jokir. Through their performances, Jolli hopes they both can one day become popular enough to gain the attention of the Kings again, where Jolli hopes the kings will give the twins a chance to redeem themselves and participate in the circus again – and potentially allow them back into the Royal Court once again. Meanwhile, Jokir – the more pessimistic twin – doesn’t believe the kings will grant them another chance, but doesnt have it in his heart to break Jolli’s spirits. One day, though, a powerful yet strange lightner falls into Card Kingdom and strikes a deal with Jokir, promising to help the twins become popular and gain attention from the kings. Believing this to be the most realistic path, Jokir agrees only to help fulfill Jolli’s dreams of joining the Royal Court again.

Jolli; They/Them; 30 years old (1996)

Being the optimistic twin, Jolli’s slightly younger than Jokir and extroverted at heart. Jolli is a social jester with a confident, charismatic, and sometimes boisterous personality, and is also very genuine; they find no reason to hide their true personality or emotions. At the same time, Jolli can also be very blunt, eristic or stubborn with people – especially when they struggle to find logic behind things that don’t make sense to them. 

Given their sociability, Jolli is friendly to anybody they meet and often tries to make friends; however, due to their strong personality and sometimes brutal honesty, not many people care to indulge in Jolli or their antics past Jolli’s entertainment. As a result, Jolli secretly feels pretty lonely a lot and admittedly doesn’t like admitting they don’t have other friends out loud – it’s one of the few secrets the jester has (this has caused a bit of a misunderstanding from Jokir, who thinks Jolli has a lot of friends due to their sparkling personality when in reality both of the twins are in the same boat). Nevertheless, Jolli tries to not let that get them down and often hangs out with Jokir or Seam to fill that loneliness. 

Jolli, in essence, is also a go-getter; because they dream to join the Royal Court again, Jolli often works hard to practice performing and tries to encourage Jokir to do so as well – even if Jokir isn’t as enthusiastic about it (though, if Jokir is feeling too tired/fatigued Jolli wont force him to practice performing. Instead, he’ll act as the critic!). Jolli is also proactive and tends to take the initiative in general – often preparing themselves for the day or events ahead of time. 

While Jolli is often responsible, Jolli also loves playing pranks and causing chaos (they are an energetic clown, after all). When Jolli and Jokir were part of the Royal Court, Jolli would often playfully prank the inhabitants that lived there — including the Kings — much to people’s annoyance though they didn’t take it too seriously as, for the most part, the pranks themselves were pretty harmless (and at the time, a lot of darkners enjoyed Jolli as an entertainer anyway). Nowadays, though, since their relationship with the Kings is strained Jokir asks Jolli to keep their pranks to a minimum to avoid trouble and tarnishing their reputation (they may not live in the castle anymore, but who knows how long word would spread to the Kings if a prank went awry – people love to gossip). As a result, Jolli tries to reserve their pranks for Jokir sometimes but most often for Seam (as they enjoy seeing the plush’s reactions every time), but sometimes they slip up and cause chaos where they shouldn’t. 

While Jolli is a pretty energetic darkener themself, Jolli also has a weak soul (much like Jokir). Jolli’s soul will sometimes cause chest pains as well as make them suddenly feel weak and fatigued, making it difficult to even walk sometimes. While this instance happens sporadically, if Jolli overexerts themself the likelihood of it happening increases. Because Jolli doesn’t recognize their own limits sometimes, Jokir often reminds them to take breaks and is there to care for Jolli if they’re suddenly too fatigued. 

In performances, Jolli’s persona is somewhat similar to their personality; when acting, Jolli plays as the “Happy-go-lucky” jester who is quite energetic and silly. In these performances, Jolli loves to perform and act in stories/tricks/jokes they and Jokir wrote (though in terms of jokes, Jokir writes most of them). They serve as the counterpart of Jokir’s persona. 

Jolli’s optimism stems from their belief that life is much more enjoyable when you hold onto hope and determination – whether that be for yourself or the people you care about. Jolli also believes that even one cannot truly enjoy life if they don’t do the things that make them happy. 

Jolli, unlike Jokir, also tends to take things more literally at points. As a result, sometimes the meanings behind certain jokes or comments will fly over their head (unless Jokir explains it to them). Jolli isn’t that great at telling jokes, either, which Jolli personally considers their most fatal flaw as a clown. 

Due to their energy and go-getter attitude, Jolli tends to get bored easily. As such, they crave excitement and prefer to occupy themselves as often as possible with either their current hobbies or responsibilities (e.g. chores, practicing for performances, gardening, etc.); Jolli also likes trying new or exciting activities, too. As mentioned before, though, Jokir reminds Jolli to take breaks and pace themselves for the sake of their soul. 

Regarding the twins’ relationships with each other, the two are very close. Jolli considers Jokir their best friend and looks up to him a lot (even if Jokir can be annoying), and they wouldn’t trade Jokir for anybody else. However, Jolli also wishes their brother would gain more self confidence in themselves and tries to encourage him or help Jokir in social situations for that reason.

Jokir; He/They; 30 years old (1996)

Being the pessimistic twin, Jokir is slightly older than Jolli yet strikingly almost the opposite of them; Jokir is mostly reserved and introverted, often observing situations rather than commenting on them. He is also pretty soft spoken, and likes to speak in lyricism and rhymes when conversing with others. At the same time, though, Jokir has major social anxiety when interacting with many people and often looks to Jolli for help. 

Around others, Jokir often acts shy and nervous due to their anxiety and unconfidence when talking to others they’re uncomfortable or unfamiliar with; similar to Jolli, this has caused Jokir to feel lonely due to their difficulty in making friends (though he’s more verbal about it), and as a result Jokir tends to stick with Jolli and/or Seam most of the time. 

However, whenever Jokir’s around their sibling or friends, their true personality blossoms as Jokir becomes much more laid-back, easygoing, and witty. Feeling more comfortable, Jokir is much more chill around Jolli especially and likes to joke around with them often — sometimes to the annoyance of Jolli. He also doesn’t get stubborn easily (unless you count not wanting to talk to people, to which yes, Jokir can get pretty stubborn with that), and is pretty flexible when it comes to changes as Jokir doesn’t particularly care. Around Jolli and Seam, Jokir also likes to be goofy on purpose sometimes too.

When Jolli and Jokir lived in Card Castle and were part of the Royal Court, Jokir’s personality was much more apparent as he acted much more silly and often told jokes to other darkners in addition to entertaining the Court. Additionally, he also partook in pranks and caused chaos with Jolli because it was fun and it was a sort of bonding time between the twins. After the accident years ago, though, Jokir developed a sort of fear and anxiety with getting into trouble, so he tries to steer Jolli away from causing it. This is because whenever Jolli gets in trouble, Jokir also gets in trouble, too – much to the uncharacteristic annoyance of the latter at first (likely stemming from Jokir’s insecurity revolving their reputation) This situation has also caused Jokir to dislike causing disruptions or chaos. 

Whenever they’ve gotten into trouble, Jokir often feels the need to take responsibility on behalf of Jolli; this gives darkners the impression that Jokir is the more responsible twin, but this isn’t really the case. Jokir doesn’t really like doing a lot of work or planning, as he often feels unmotivated or drained to do work (or even take care of himself, sometimes); Jokir coughs it up to just being ‘lazy’ though. Whenever Jolli’s fatigued, though, Jokir is willing to drop everything and take care of them (or if he can’t, Jokir will ask Seam for help). 

Similar to Jolli, Jokir has a weak soul – though the way their soul affects Jokir manifests differently. Consistently, Jokir has chronic pain (taking in the form of dull aches) mostly in parts of their upper body (e.g. arms and shoulders), though if he over-exerts himself Jokir may also experience chest pains too. This is also partially why Jokir doesn’t like doing things a lot because doing too much manual labor makes them fatigued (though not to the extent of Jolli). 

Unlike Jolli, Jokir isn’t very adventurous. He prefers to stay indoors and read books or write poetry/new material for their performances. Though, Jokir will go out with Jolli if Jolli wants to hang out, but Jokir likely won’t do anything really extreme and instead will probably just observe/joke around with his sibling.

Jokir’s pessimism mainly stems from his fears and anxiety for things going wrong and negatively affecting the twins. He also tends to look a little more negatively at the reality of certain situations and tries not to get their hopes up. Inwardly, he sort of believes that optimism isn’t really realistic (based on past experiences), but Jokir would never admit this to Jolli – after all, he could be proven wrong. Notably, though, Jokir doesn’t like letting his pessimism affect others – he prefers to be more of a chill jokester and treats others equally; Jokir is surprisingly very kind to others, but not as much towards himself.

In performances, Jokir’s persona is what most darkner’s impression of him is rather than his actual personality: a sad, negative clown who worries about everything. Jokir acts in this persona because in performances, he finds it easier to play as someone else than to be more genuine (even if it means exaggerating their anxiety). 

Regarding the twins’ relationship with each other, Jolli is also Jokirs’ best friend and loves their sibling a lot. While Jokir may not share Jolli’s optimism he does respect it (as opposed to thinking Jolli is foolish/naive) and admires Jolli a lot. Jokir see’s Jolli as the coolest person he’s ever met, and sometimes wishes he was like them.

Seam; They/It/She; 35 years old (1996)

Seam – pronounced “Shawm” – acts as the official magician for the Royal Court. They’re a friendly, easy-going darkner who gets along with others well. It’s also been good friends with Jolli and Jokir since the twins were part of the Royal Court years ago. Whenever Seam visits the two, they often bring all sorts of nicknacks it’s bought or found to show off, or she also likes to stay for tea or board games the twins have. When the three play games, Jolli is the one that usually loses while Seam and Jokir are equally matched even towards the end. This usually makes the end of the game more intense as to who’ll win (or at least, Jolli makes them intense by adding dramatic narration), but there’s generally a 50/50 chance either Jokir or Seam will win (the two never take it too seriously like Jolli, though, and like to laugh about it). 

Before the accident, Seam often worked alongside the twins to entertain the Kings with her magic tricks, which it still technically does today; however, since the twins have been kicked out Seam acts as the sole entertainer of the Royal Court – which can sometimes be stressful or unfulfilling as Seam is alone and the Kings are generally not amused. When the annual circus comes around, additionally, Seam feels more stressed as they’re in charge of planning preparations as the host (though luckily she doesn’t have to lead the circus thanks to the ringmaster, just plan and direct it – Seam can just play as the main magician performance-wise); this is different from when the jester twins were part of the Royal Court as the two often helped Seam out with preparations for the circus (being the other two Royal entertainers), but now that the two can’t join the Kings forbade Seam from seeking help from Jolli and Jokir (which Seam has broken a few times anyway to ask for advice from the twins. I mean, who’s gonna stop them?). Seeing how badly the twins want to join the circus and be part of the Royal Court again as well, Seam asked the Kings many times to grant them one more chance to perform in the circus but to no avail – the Kings won’t listen, especially the King of Spades. 

Even though the jester twins were kicked out of the Royal Court years ago, Seam visits them sometimes anyway because she enjoys their company and as friends. Seam enjoys Jolli’s enthusiasm and antics (though is always surprised somehow (comically, so) by their pranks, but Seam laughs at itself anyway afterwards), and Jokir’s laid-back and humorous attitude is also enjoyable to be around. She also finds the occasional bickering between the two twins very amusing, as well. However, Seam’s noticed how the two seem so hard on themselves in regards to their situation (with Jolli always pushing themselves despite their disability, and Jokir’s insecurities and anxiety manifesting in criticizing himself), and because of that Seam sympathizes the twins and wishes they wouldn’t push themselves so much (and tells them such) – the two have inherent value even if they don’t ever end up performing in the circus or joining the Royal Court again.

Okay thats all for now, may update this if i catch any mistakes lol (if you read this far thank you!! I appreciate your time!!)

[basketobread]

PLEASE i feel like i'm re-sharing more fan art than i am creating my own art HAHAHA thank you guys sooooo much for all your generosity!! seriously, i CANNOT thank you all enough!! 😭❤🙏

[unironicallycringe]

man I'm just gonna say that it's incredibly fucking weird to walk onto a stranger's blog, project your own predatory age headcanons onto a character with no canon age, and then decide that means the blogger condones it.

like?? my dude?? the only person talking about that is you because it's your headcanon?

"you're bad because I think of this ageless character as a 30yo being paired with a teen" well I sure goddamn don't and I didn't need to hear that shit! it's not only extremely inappropriate, it's creepy as fuck! so like, maybe do some self-reflecting on why you decided that a stranger should abide by your headcanon, and maybe also stop doing that.

[cry-ptidd]

I will attempt it again: If you ever doubt your art or writing, I will find you and I will give you what you deserve - more love for Laura!

Ok i see how it is

[yooniesim]

I know nobody gives a shit about this in comparison so posting a save file with uncredited builds in it, but reminder of that time @mapanou started calling me out of name and spewing hateful nazi ideology at me out of nowhere just bc i made a lukewarm criticism of a paywaller and I dared to say black people are often criticized more for being angry... but since only one of my parents are black that ain't allowed 😬 some of yall acted like this was okay but I didn't forget it, I notice how some of their friends are acting all betrayed now bc their homie turned out to be a sims content thief but you knew who you were laying down with clearly. You were glad to support an extremely nasty ass person when the vitriol was directed at me, but God forbid someone not credit a build! anyway guess who was struck down and it wasn't me bitch 💀

That aside, since the insufferable cunt had the nerve to mention the One Drop Rule, which has been used as a tool to discriminate against all black people and keep their mixed offspring othered for as many generations as possible, here's some sources on what it actually refers to (and some related articles about the struggles of mixed race people). It's a method of discrimination by white supremacists, not a way for mixed race people that you think are unworthy of speaking to "claim" to be black. If you're lurking, mapanou, i hope you and your friends read them and understand something you should have already at your "very big age".

One Drop Rule on Wikipedia (for the basic concept + more sources)

How The "One Drop Rule" Became a Tool of White Supremacy

How The Nazis Were Inspired by Jim Crow

Understanding the Stressors and Types of Discrimination That Can Affect Multiracial Individuals

Exploring Black mixed-race experiences of Black rejection

Not Enough Or Double The Prejudice: On Being Black & Asian American

Why Imposter Syndrome Goes Deep for Multiracial People

When Your Own Family Is Racist Toward You

^ the basic gist for the lazy. and just an added bit. I don't know if mapanou has ever seen me, because I barely know them and certainly didn't share with them, but I have been doxxed plenty and my pics probably shared to them by others and im obviously not white though i am light skinned. im very proud of my dark natural hair, brown eyes, thick lips and big nose that I all got from my father. I have nothing to prove nor hide about who I am. I am black and asian and white and I love every part of what makes me, me. I am mixed race and if you don't believe or like me as I am that's your problem not mine. just wanna clear that up for all the people that may have been confused about it. and for all my followers that are mixed, especially black and asian, I love you and you have a place here. your voices and experiences are valuable and you deserve to be heard. that's all I got to say.

[seaweedstarshine]

Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).

I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?

That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.

Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌

TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.

Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.

(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)

Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.

(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)

Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.

Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.

Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.

We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).

Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.

(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)

And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.

If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.

Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

[mokadevs]

final bday board!! thank you everyone !! i really liked checking in throughout the day and smiling at all the doodles, thank you thank you <3

[ywpd-translations]

(Heads up, Yowapeda is going on a bit of a hiatus for the next three weeks! So there will be no new chapter until 8/3!)

Ride 737: New pedals

Pag 1

3: New... “pedals”

4: Yeah

Pag 2

1: Try using them

You'll probably be able to use them!!

Pag 3

2: Huh

3: …..!! Be able to use them!?

4: The.... pedals!?

5: Rokudai-kun

Ye-yessir, teh

The senpai of my senpai, the “super senpai”!!

6: Sorry but could you please bring here Onoda's bike?

Pag 4

1: Yessir!! Right away!!

3: So fast

3: Here!!

Thank you

Thanks

He's really so fast!! As expected of his hardcore manager spirit!!

Pag 5

1: Waaaa.... I officially touched Back-ga-.... Onoda-san's bike....!!

Why are you being all bashful by yourself now, Rokudai....

2: I'll install them right away

3: Ah-uhm

4: Uhm.... actually

I can't accept them

7: Teh!?

Onoda-san refused them..!!

Pag 6

1: You purposely cam here to encourage us, you even offered me a drink – I can't accept the “pedals” too, in addition to that!!

2: You even greeted the first years

That's plenty, thank you so much!

Onoda-san....

4: Is that so?

Yes!!

5: I thought they would suit you, Onoda, but..

Pag 7

1: I- I wanted to see the new pedals, teh...

He said “he'll be able to use them”, I wonder what that meant

2: Maybe the shape is different?

Maybe they're difficult to use? Like there are two on both sides

How would you even step on them, teh

3: I actually got these for myself....

4: With my style of pedaling I tend to lose torque near the limit, so I tried using these

5: But it didn't suit me

So I went back to use the old pedals

7: And while doing so I suddenly thought

8: That you, Onoda... your pedals

Pag 8

1: How long has it been since you last changed them...?

2: Huh

6: The pedals used for bicycles racing are consumable

Pag 9

1: When you fall, they're the first thing that hit the ground, and they're shaved by the impact

2: The structure is simple but surprisingly useful, but still metal isn't perfect

3: They receive the torque and the force from the legs, so you can say the pedals are one of the most important part of a bike

And there's no guarantee they'll never break right during an important race

4: A race...!!

5: Of course you usually bring your bike to Touji-san, and I don't think he'd fail to notice something like this

6: But, has it ever happened before that your feet unfastened during an important moment and you had troubles because of it?

Pag 10

2: …. during the Inter High's third day... at the end...

Yes, it happened....

3: You fought in the Inter High twice

4: You ran in the prefectural qualifiers, every day you use your bike for practice

5: And you're overusing it now during training camp

6: When they'll break it won't be surprising

Onoda, sometimes.... caring... isn't just about the club members....

Pag 11

1: It's about your own bike, too!!

2: The pedals I received from Teshima-san on that rainy day during training camp onmy first year

3: I asked Touji-san to fix them on my new bike, since they were important to me

5: Looking closely, they're all ruined

Pag 12

1: The bike that connects me to everyone

And what connects me to this bike

2: The pedals

3: You went to the Inter High with the pedals I gave you, and you delievered our jersey to the final gate in the end

4: Twice

And I, who gave you those pedals, also am happy and want to thank you

5: But, it's enough

They carried out their role perfectly

Pag 13

1: Let them rest

3: Waaa it's already this late!? That's bad, I got a lecture tomorrow next period

4: I have to go back!

Th- that's bad!

5: …. ah, but you refused these new pedals. I can't give them to you... you said

Ah- wa-

Ahh, what should I do

Ah-

6: Well it can't be helped

Pag 14

1: I'll forget them in the lobby and leave

4: Do your best during this training camp!

Yes- thank you so much for coming here!!

5: Say hi to the others for me, too

6: Share those with everyone and eat them

Pag 15

1: Thank you so much...!!

If you speak so loudly you'll wake everyone...

He....

He's such a nice senpai...

2: I could see ans feel the Sohoku bond, teh!!

Righ!! It's so strong!!

3: I'll change them now

4: The pedals!!

6: I wonder what kind are they, teh, these new pedals!

He said “you'll be able to use them”!?

7: Huh!?

These are the pedals!?

It's the first time I see them in this shape, the... the tip...

Pag 16

1: is round!!

Pag 17

1: The part where I put my feet is a round pedal...!!

2: Amazing, since this pedal is round

3: I can move my heel left and right

4: With incredibly wide movements!!

5: My ankles... and my knees are incredibly free to move!!

And also, these pedals...

Pag 18

1: They feel so close to the sole of my feet

2: I feel like I can turn my pedals so much more like this!!

3: Thank you so much, Teshima-san!!

Pag 19

1: Have you noticed, Hotshot?

Onoda-kun's....

Yeah, his pedals are new

2: “Speed play”

3: It's the only kind of pedal in the world that has the cleat and fastening mechanism on the side

4: Your legs' range of motion left and right becomes wider, so when you're swinging the bike you can still under all circumstances pedal at an high cadence and apply torque

It's perfect for Onoda's pedaling style

5: Was it Touj-san?

Who knows... I sense some kind of intention behind the guess of giving him those pedals

6: And from those donuts lineup choice, maybe

Pag 20

1: It was Teshima-san!!

2: Onoda....!! Pedal, until your limit

3: I told you before...!! I want to see

4: How strong you can become!!

[natsmagi]

The problem with enstars is that it's a silly lil idol rhythm game and then you get into it and it swallows you whole and you end up with people going '....wait, phone calls?'

THE LEVEL OF PARASOCIALISM ENSTARS HAS IS INSANE. got me talking about these characters like theyre real people to my friends. got me saying shit like Sorry guys i gotta stop playing for now i need to go exercise with adonis and theyll just be like ? what?

[leafdlc]

i got covid for the first time early last month and it was minor, I thought. the second I tested positive I contacted my doctor and got paxlovid prescribed to me. I picked it up the same day and started taking the twice daily medication that night.

yes, paxlovid can help reduce/minimize long covid symptoms so I thought I would be fine. but to this day I still am only in the begining steps of recovering from the brainfog, forgetfulness, trouble concentrating, and trouble paying attention for longer periods of time.

it's horrible. it sucks shit. I am constantly missing my exits and turns when I drive, even WITH a navigator on my phone. I stop talking in the middle of sentences bc I forget what I was even talking about in the first place.

the way covid affected my brain makes me feel like I got another concussion, but without the pain or the dizziness or the nausea or any of the typical physical concussion symptoms that come with one.

I constantly see people in all groups all ages not masking over here. or coughing into the open air and sneezing without covering their nose and mouth with their elbow. didn't we learn this in preschool. what's your problem??? if you can do anything to stop or prevent someone else's suffering then why wouldn't you???

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[nomairuins]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is