#im very excited to show the whole thing im holding back so hard

[milf-n-dilf-dippin-dots]

Hello webnoir fans, ive lost control.

[theautisticwriter]

Love Letters: Yandere! Helluva Boss characters X G/N Reader

Characters- Blitzø, Moxxie, Millie, Loona, Stolas, Asmodeus, Fizzarolli

Show- Helluva Boss

Genre- romantic, yandere

Summary- Mini love letters from your not so secret stalkers admirers!

Warnings- swearing, pet names, yandere themes, mentions of planned kidnapping, stalking, delusional characters, unwanted attention

Word count- 1.5K

Extra notes- I have a Hazbin Hotel version of this uploaded as well!

key: f/l = first letter of your name, y/n = your name, n/n = your nickname

———————————————————

By this point you know who it is y/n, I’m the only person COOL enough to send u romantic as fuck letters like the old people do

Sorry for eating the food u made last night, when i was raiding ur fridge it looked so fucking good (and it was, who knew u could cook :P). i left u a pony as a replacement, u can’t eat it but it’ll make u think of me ;) and that pony cost me a FUCK ton of money, collectors addition and shit. i know, bad fucking ass right??

the stupid shitty loud alarm u installed didn’t work when i came in, ud be much safer with me and loony. that’s the plan anyways babe, u have NO idea the fucking creeps that live down here, they’re all fucking animals and ur…not, a fucking asshole i guess.

i drew you smth (it’s the thing stuck on the back of the envelope with the glitter glu)

^glue

it’s me and u holding hands, like other couples do. we’re better than those corny fuckers tho, hence the crowns on our heads.

ignoring my texts, BLOCKING ME (still upset about this BY THE WAY) and then ignoring my very nice letters is kinda a dick move f/l, but it’s whatevs. everything is almost ready for ur move in. i cleaned up n everything :D

from the only bitch worth ur time,

blitzø

<3 (ignore that, moxxie threw a gun at me and my hand slipped, might fire him)

———————————————————

Hiya sweet cheeks!!!

It’s Mills here, just checking in! Via letter! Ain’t that just the fanciest little thing? Mox said it’s the best way to show thought and care to someone, so here’s all my thoughts and care, just for you!

How’ve you been? Good I hope, I’ve been just peachy thanks for asking! My Ma and Pa are super excited to meet ya one day, they’ve even started planning the wedding! Now I told them to slow their horses down, and not the overwhelm ya, we’ll get to that don’t you worry darlin.

Im just so excited to write this letter for you! Ain’t it so romantic?? I’m practically squealing in delight at the thought of you opening this and swoonin’, that’s what you’re doing, right?

Now i’m writing this on my break, and my boss really needs me back in the game! I got employ of the month! Most amount of kills, with the best and bloodiest results baby!

Until next time sweetheart,

Your Mills! ♡

———————————————————

Hi y/n,

It’s Moxxie here, I was a little nervous to send this letter to you, but I always try to follow my heart, and my heart was telling me to communicate with you in the most romantic way I know how due to our current circumstances of being so far away. It’s hard, for the both of us i’m sure, but we’ll be okay y/n.

As much as I don’t get along with my father, he has been helpful with my preparations for your arrival. It’s a big deal, moving in together. I’m sure your anxious, I am too, but in the best way possible. Love is pure, and can make somebody feel whole, it’s a wonderful feeling. I never want that to be taken away from me, and you are the source of all my love. That’s why we need to be together, being only half a demon isn’t good for the soul.

We can do lots of fun things together as well, like go to the opera, or to musicals, or I can show you my shooting skills. My boss says that I have a pretty good shot, which is the biggest compliment he’s ever given me. And we can do things you like too, marriage is equal of course. Obviously, this will all happen later done the line, you’ll need time to adjust, and I understand that. I understand you.

I’m running out of room on my page, but I will write to you again tomorrow. Please respond? Just once, y/n? It’d be nice, to hold something from you since I can’t hold you yet.

All my love,

Your Moxxie <3

———————————————————

Uh, hi?

Wait, you don’t put ‘uh’ in letters do you? Or put wait whilst you think, fuck shit fuck

Sorry, I’m new to this. Normally I just send a text to people but, your phone is off at the moment I think? Or you lost it? Or you blocked me?

Either way, I’ll send you these stupid letter things until it’s back on. So, uh, what are you up to? Blitz has been up my ass about meeting you, heads up, when I come get you and bring you to our room he’s gonna go all psycho dad mode and integrate you, but he’ll back off after a while. He’s a dick sure, but he does want me to be happy. And your, likeable or whatever, so i’m sure you’ll get along.

Once you get comfortable at home with me, Blitz said you could work with me at I.M.P. You’ll be like the co-secretary or something. You won’t be put in danger, I won’t let that happen, you’ll just get to sit with me. We can watch things together, if you wanted.

I guess i’ll see you soon, how do you end these?

See you,

Love from,

Regards?

Bye y/n,

Loona.

———————————————————

My dearest y/n,

I hope this letter finds you well. I yearn for your presence here, besides me. It’s quite lonely without you, I will admit my dear. It would be oh so wonderful if you could write back. I understand you may be preoccupied with your current activities, but I can’t help myself from desiring a response. I know, it’s selfish of me to expect you to reply to my letters when you’ll be here with me shortly, but I can’t keep my thoughts at bay at the moment.

Your face is a constant in my mind, night and day, asleep and awake, your voice in my mind calms me when I need it most, your smile brightens the bleariest of moments and so on. You can imagine the difficulties I’m facing with no response from you, but that’s alright. If you can’t write back to me dear, I won’t pressure you. Your time is precious, and we will have all the time in hell quite soon. Isn’t that exciting?

I can give you the life you deserve n/n, any luxuries or mundanities you wish for will be handed to you on a silver platter. Or a golden one, if that’s more to your liking? We can properly discuss the specifics once we are together. How thrilling, the though of you and I together at last.

We truly are written in the stars!

Yours until the end of the sky and then some,

Stolas.

———————————————————

Hey there baby,

It’s been a while, huh? I’m sorry if you feel neglected babe, it’s so hard keeping in contact with you when you’re so far away hun. Wouldn’t it be so much better if you were here with me? Sure I’ve got a lot of meetings, being a sin and all, but I’d be at your beck and call n/n, you could even be my new excuse to leave those awful “business” discussions. They barely talk business with me, it’s just complete bullshit babe.

I know the lust ring can be intimidating, we have quite the reputation, but I assure you, love is not a foreign concept to me. Romance is one of my most favourite things! Though that’s a secret, let’s keep that between us, yeah? That side of me is reserved for you n/n.

It’s so boring over here without you, I feel like i’m just lounging around and last time I checked, I was the lust sin, not the sloth sin. We’d have so much fun together babe! Can’t you picture it? Even if you can’t yet, I can wait. Having you near me will be enough, you are enough just as you are.

Sincerely yours,

Asmodeus (Ozzie) xoxo

———————————————————

Heya cutie!

Letters are a lot harder to write than I thought they’d be y’know? I’ve rewritten this like 16 times already, sheesh. It just feels so awkward, I can’t see your reaction to my words which means I can’t fix any mistakes I’ve made :(. I’m sure I haven’t made any though! Right? This letters going really well so far and is definitely wooing you, right, y/n?

Hah, I’m asking questions as if you can reply right away. Silly old me, I don’t know what i’m worrying about! We’re meant to be together. I know it’s super sappy, but we’re like soulmates. Soulmates are bound to be together! That’s why I’m bringing you home soon, I can’t wait! I’ve got sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many awesome tricks to show you!

And, the best news, I quit my job!! ༘⋆-ˋˏ ༘⋆-ˋˏ This means, we will have a LOT more time with each other, and you don’t have to worry about Mammon being possessive over me, because fuck him! I’m my own clown! Or, well, your clown.

I can’t wait to see you! This is going to be great for us, I pinky promise :P

Love from,

Fizzarolli !!!! ༘⋆!!,-!ˋˏ!!!

———————————————————

[hypnoneghoul]

Hihi! If you're comfortable with it, and inspo strikes may we get something with a Touch Adverse/Touch sensitive Dew who really wants to be intimate but needs a lot of reassurance and to be slowly lowered into it rather then dive headfirst

Opening to any ships you have in mind, thank you! <3

i really liked this prompt, im such a sucker for stuff like that. trans dew as usual

Dewdrop’s relationship with touch has been complicated at the very least since his elemental transition.

He used to be a very touchy person, even for a ghoul. Always hanging off of someone, always putting his hand in someone else’s, leaning against whoever was available whenever he could, sneaking into his packmates’ beds any time he felt like it; which was very often.

Now, though? It’s hard for him to even hold someone’s hand.

When he woke up right after his transition the first thing he realized was that Aether was holding his hand. He can’t forget the anguish on his face when he yelped in pain and fear and ripped his hand away to curl up as far away from him as the narrow infirmary bed allowed.

It wasn’t just pain from his skin being new, raw. It was the feeling of wrongness he couldn’t shake off. His skin didn’t feel like his own and every touch, even the slightest graze of a fingertip sent him into a panic attack.

Not much changed in the following months, but some things did.

Rain has been summoned, for one.

Dewdrop has fallen head over heels for the pretty water ghoul right away and he doubts there has ever been anything in his life that he wanted more than to simply touch him.

For months he hasn’t been able to bring himself to even run a finger over the back of Rain’s hands. Oh, how he wanted to trace those prominent veins and tendons, to see how small his hand will look in Rain’s own.

Thankfully, the water ghoul turned out to be the gentlest soul that has probably ever escaped the Pits. Hell, Dewdrop is sure he got sent by Lucifer himself as an apology for all the torment he went through.

After a conversation full of tears from both ghouls, they had come up with a plan of making Dewdrop whole again.

So far it’s been going exceptionally and the fire ghoul can’t be more grateful. His latest achievement is going through a whole night of being cuddled in close to Rain with both of them being dressed in nothing but underwear.

They both might have cried in the morning.

It made Dewdrop think…maybe he is ready? After nearly a year of not getting touched in a sexual manner, maybe it’s finally time?

He’s terrified, but after a few weeks cuddling with Rain every night, he decides to bring it up. “Rain, I think I want to–would you try…touching me?”

“Isn’t that…what we’ve been doing for the last few months, droplet?” the water ghoul asks, confused, but doesn’t dare laugh.

“Not like that.” Dewdrop shakes his head. “I want you to touch me.”

“Oh…oh.”

“Would you?”

“Oh, droplet, I–” Rain tries to not show that yes, he’d love to do that. “Are you sure? Is it not too early?”

“I don’t–I’m gonna be honest, Rainy, I don’t know,” the fire ghoul sighs. “I think I am, and, hell, I want to, so much, but you…you know how it goes sometimes.”

Rain does. He remembers every single time Dewdrop thought he was ready for another step only to turn out he simply…wasn’t. Still, they managed to work through every single issue so far. Maybe it is a good idea.

“Okay,” Rain says after a moment. “Okay, droplet, we can try.”

The excitement on the fire ghoul’s face is easily the most adorable thing Rain has ever witnessed.

He starts easing Dewdrop into it right away, stretching it over the entire day.

“We’ve got time, baby,” he mutters over and over again, with every new point of contact. “All the time in the world.”

It’s hours before Dewdrop is bare, sprawled out in his own nest. Rain stays in a t-shirt, having decided it’s going to be easier if there’s not as much skin-on-skin. They’re focusing on something else tonight.

“Are you sure?” Rain asks for the last time. He’s kneeling in the nest with Dewdrop laid before him, his legs spread and hooked over the water ghoul’s thighs. Dewdrop is wet and Rain is rock hard, but there’s no rush. As always, they have to go slow; now even more than ever before.

“Yes,” the fire ghoul breathes his consent once again. “Please do it, just…go slow.”

“Of course,” Rain smiles. “You know how to make me stop.”

Dewdrop nods, he wouldn’t be able to forget their system after all this time even if he wanted to. With that, Rain brings his free hand between the other’s legs; the other one resting on his bare hip. It’s not squeezing, but it’s heavy. They discovered that one solid point of contact helps to ground the fire ghoul and keep him from freaking out about the lighter touches.

Rain keeps his eyes on Dewdrop’s face as he slowly runs a finger through his wet folds. Up and down before pulling away; his cock twitches at how shining his finger comes back. Still, he waits for the fire ghoul’s nod that the first touch was okay. He does so, with his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth.

Rain gets back to the task at hand. He slicks his middle finger up, too, and places it over Dewdrop’s clit. He presses down lightly and circles it and the quiet little moan that the fire ghoul lets out makes his gut twist.

“Good?” he makes sure.

“So good,” Dewdrop whimpers, “it feels so good, Rainy.”

The other hums and drags his fingers down to his hole. With his eyes on Dewdrop’s face, Rain presses a finger in. It slides in easily and he pauses at the second knuckle. Dewdrop is scalding inside.

“Oh, Lucifer, go–go on, please,” he moans and Rain can’t not follow that pretty order. He removes the finger and pushes back in with two pressed tightly against each other. The fire ghoul cries out in pleasure as they sink in as far as they’ll go and more slick leaks out into Rain’s palm as he squeezes around the digits. The water ghoul curses under his breath, enamored by the sight and feeling.

Dewdrop looks wrecked, but not in a bad way. He looks like he’s about to cum already, even though it’s been mere moments of actual stimulation. Considering he hadn’t been touched like that for so long, though, it’s not any surprise.

“M–more,” he begs and Rain knows exactly what to do. He puts his thumb on Dewdrop’s clit and lightly presses down at the same time he curls the fingers inside him. The fire ghoul wails at that and Rain is about to all but rip his hand away and break all points of contact, but Dewdrop’s cunt now pulsing rhythmically around his digits tells him it wasn’t a pained cry. The water ghoul smirks; he can’t help feeling proud of himself.

“I just–” the other pants.

“You did.”

“You made me…”

“I did.”

“But I wanted you to…”

“That’s alright. We’ve got all the time in the world.”

[venuslcver]

HIGH BY THE BEACH ⋆

pairing: boyfriend!pope x carefreekook!reader

synopsis: your boyfriend, pope, and you had been together for a while when he changes his mind about not going to college.

tw: fluff, implied sex, profanity (no use of y/n)

any type of interaction including likes, comments, and reblogs is appreciated! but ultimately not necessary. let me know if im missing any warnings!

“ok, baby! which one should i wear? this one or thissss one?” you questioned pope, holding two of your swimsuits in a display manner. one was a lilac-colored string bikini, the other being a cheeky, polka-dot one-piece.

you could never make a final decision for the life of you, only leaving it up to pope for his opinion. though, pope had known you long enough to know, whichever item you tend to show last was the option you had in mind. hell — most of the time you don’t even know that you prefer one option more than the others.

you wanted to wear the left one, pope concluded. no matter if it was clothing, makeup, nail color, or decor-related. not actually having input into the choices, he usually would just coax the answer out of you. it made it easier on him, besides he didn't give a fuck what you wore, because well... he would still find you beautiful dressed as the grinch. which you did a couple halloweens previously.

“uh… i don’t know — which one is more comfortable?” he asked, putting you on the spot, hoping to get an honest answer out of you.

clicking your tongue to the roof of your mouth in deep thought — lifting each and inspecting it. trying to remember if it was uncomfortable or not the last time you wore it.

“well i… mean. huh. why is this so hard?” you said truly debating both options. making your final answer, “i would probably go with the right one being more comfortable”

“probably… and i’m just sayin’ this as a thought…maybe it’s hard because you have too many swimsuits”

letting out an obnoxiously high-pitched scoff, you halted your attention from the bathing suit debacle to pope, who was leisurely laid back on your rope hammock swing that you had in your room. you never took kindly to anyone, including pope, criticizing your inability to get rid of things, especially your bathing suits.

“firstly, i don’t have too many swimsuits, and one could never have too many of them. secondly, even if i did — how could that possibly affect my ability to pick a swimsuit?”

awkwardly looking at you, pope reluctantly replied, “you can’t keep up with all of them, making you not even remember the last time you wore them… and the last time you chose the right one, you were complain’n the entire time”

ignoring his truthful statement altogether, you thought for a moment. he was right. the previous time, you ended up bitch’n the whole time about having to hold the straps of the one piece to avoid flashing innocent bystanders on the beach. which was the worst, considering the excitement that you experienced when in the water. flailing around without a care in the world.

a light switched when you came to this realization, noticing that you were rather harsh with your poor boyfriend, who did not deserve that in the slightest.

“oh my god! you are right!”, you said squealing, right into hugging pope’s sitting body.

taking his face into your hands, before hugging him again, “i’m so sorry baby! you know i didn’t mean that, right?”

staying firm in the hug, while he pulled himself out of the hammock, “yeah, yeah i know you didn’t mean it.”, pope said brushing your rudeness off. you and him rarely argued, and if you did, you were talking within the next half hour, easily.

looking up at him with doe eyes, and an innocent cast appearing on your profile. an all-knowing look that pope was very familiar with. one of the ways that pope and you were able to get over any kind of tiff was by admitting to being wrong and taking the proper steps to apologize.

for example, this one time pope got all panicked at the future and started freaking the fuck out. which led him to harboring that he was in the wrong and mishandled the situation at hand. before slipping his hand into you. well... two fingers but either way! pope was giving in that way, regularly lending a helping hand to you when in need. it wasn't an obligation as much as a want. you and pope were alike in that way. always willing to put others first.

"c-can i make it up to you?"

sooner than later making it to the intended place of hanging out, the local beach on the outer banks. looking into the surrounding area in your eyesight, the beach was practically empty. a lot of spring-breakers had vacated the week before. having access to almost a completely bare beach.

you helped pope set up on the beach, before laying horizontally on his vertically propped-up body.

pressing a kiss on the crown of your head, that was in his lap. when he did the leaning down motion, you pushed the pineapple in your hand, to his lips. silently urging him to take a bite. to which he did.

immediately snickering when it ran down his face, halting laughter when it dripped onto yours. lucky that the acidic fruit juices didn't collect in your eyes. either way, pope was quick to wipe it off your face.

oftentimes, pope and you were silent when hanging out. you wouldn't per say it was a con, because it was due to being around each other every second, when not at work. though, when pope's dad, heyward, was short-staffed, you would offer a lending hand. taking a couple shifts, with pope. even, visiting each other at work.

along with packing an array of fruits to snack on, you also brought a weed. one of the conversations you had meant to bring up was the future.

pope was wicked smart, at least, school-wise. his choice of friends was questionable. and as much as you love your shared friends— they tend to be dumbasses. pulling pope down to their level. to which, a couple foul decisions led pope to not attend college— as he previously intended.

one late night, he admitted that he felt like "all the work he put in was sliding down the drain". which riddled you with resentment towards your friends. not that you cared what pope did. only that he was happy— which he wasn't at all for a passing time.

"pope? can i ask you something?"

"yeah— what's up?"

"d-do you have any idea what you want?"

"what i want?", pope asked, not understanding the question at hand.

"want for the future?"

looking at you bewildered, pope had no idea where the loaded question came from.

"uh — besides being with you, i have no clue.", a tinge of sadness rolled off his tongue.

grinning at his, rather, romantic proclamation, "o-ok, well, um i was expecting a little bit more of an answer, b-but that works for me"

"i-i'm worried... like really worried", he admitted.

coming off your high, out of your own fantasy land— that was induced by his heartfelt statement, "why?!"

still supporting his weight with one arm, he took the other and rubbed his face, "why shouldn't i be? i-i mean i was going to go to college, b-but now I'm just working at my dad's restaurant"

pope tended to self-destruct when his fears kicked in, sending him into overdrive. sitting up, looking at him directly in the face, "h-hey don't say that! one, you know that your dad would not keep you unless you were working your ass off! you're like the smartest person i know, out of anyone in outer banks, or hell, anywhere! a-and we'll figure it out."

set on helping understand that he and you would be good, you pulled a small baggie out of your beach bag, "ok?"

"o-okay"

"now, let's get high. and forget about everything, ever."

although he wasn't completely sure, he knew that you would stay by him, meaning he would be completely fine. if the world ended that day, he wouldn't have cared as long as he had you. well, and he would prefer if he had the other pogues and his parents.

[proxythe]

i haven’t played p5/r in a while so forgive me that this entire thing is mostly off dome.

what i mean when i say “ryuji is the heart of the phantom thieves” is that i do genuinely believe that he is the glue that holds them together. without him, the group inarguably loses its charm, and would simply not function without him there. he’s outspoken, protective, and might be the only one who i feel has a genuine love toward every member of the group.

i need to replay to do a whole thinkpiece, but for now i do want to share the ryuji moments i remember the most, and why they are part of the concrete evidence that shows ryuji is the most important piece of the phantom thieves.

first of all:

such a casual dialogue that is amplified by a thousand simply because of ryuji’s unadulterated love for his friend… i am moved to tears by this interaction. i love him very much, and he is near and dear to the deepest parts of my heart.

secondly:

i admit im not in the know about a lot of persona fandom stuff, but i personally don’t see a lot of people talk about this? ignore joker on the right this ain’t about him. this is, i think, the first of many instances in which u notice how quickly ryuji jumps to defend his friends, namely his female friends, and it’s a huge part of him that draws me to his character.

since it’s atlus, it’s not hard to miss that ryuji is definitely victim to their “perverted male character” trope, but for me, the moments where ryuji is having genuine thought put behind his character, are the moments when he so intensely - and is usually the first to - defend the other phantom thieves.

another example:

the phantom thieves are each others biggest support system, as they’re a team, but ryuji is definitely the one we see show that off the most. i will not be going into details as this is all off the top of my head, but trust me i am thinking about his confidant and backstory as i write all of this out.

more:

this has always been on my mind as well, because not a day goes by where i don’t think about how quickly ryuji reassures his friends, since they r the most important people to him in his life.

more and more:

a less serious one, but i do genuinely enjoy the thought of ryuji just bragging about his friends because of how cool he thinks they are. when i say ryuji is the most obvious about how much he loves them, i am deathly serious. that is his family.

was excited to include this as well, as it goes to show even people ryuji has only known for a month are still worth going to war for. ryuji holds such an affection for his friends that it’s like i don’t even have to say more. he is literally speaking for himself here. i will never understand how anyone could dislike someone so passionate for the happiness of their own friends?

lastly:

i am personally not a huge fan of the negative dynamic atlus likes to portray between ryuji and morgana a lot of the time, so this is why this frenzy(?) is one of my favorites in p5d. morgana is the character ryuji fights with the most, and yet when morgana is feeling dejected, ryuji is there to pick him back up. obviously i know this is how the dance works and whatnot, but u cannot lie and tell me ryuji making him happy again didn’t make u almost cry a bit… it’s okay, i did too…

conclusion:

this ryuji shit gets serious, be prepared to die behind it.

[hearts4golbach]

hihihi i adore ur work and i was wondering if u could do a hippie!reader x johnnie fluff?? mayb like a record store date or something cutesy :3

We Don't Believe What's on TV.

"i don't care what's in your hair, i just wanna know what's on your mind. i used to say i wanna die before i'm old, but because of you, i might think twice."

pairing:

Johnnie Guilbert x Fem!Hippie!Reader.

a/n:

as requested, hippie reader!

proofread

warnings:

none!

word count:

1.0k

you sifted throughout the stacked records. your boyfriend, Johnnie, stood next to you, trying to find one of your favorite albums. there was a comfortable silence between the two of you.

he pulled out [album] and handed it to you with a sweet smile. "Look at what I found." he handed it to you and placed a soft kiss on the top of your head.

your jaw dropped as you looked at it in your hands. "you know ive been looking for this album forever! I can't believe you found it,"

"I was so fucking excited whenever I saw it, he responded, turning his attention back to the records.

you smiled, looking at him for a second more before you continued flipping through.

you and Johnnie had planned this date a month in advance. with his busy schedule, it was hard to find time to take you out on a real date. he made you feel loved nonetheless.

the whole afternoon, it'd just be the two of you. there was a picnic blanket in the car, along with a couple of canvases and paint.

Johnnie had been wanting to do the painting trend on tiktok; you switch canvases every 5 minutes or so, and now was finally the chance. excited energy radiated from the both of you. even though you and Johnnie had been dating for over a year now, the honeymoon stage never faded.

you made sure to wear Johnnies favorite outfit of yours. he adored everything you wore. he loved your style in general. he could watch you style outfits for hours, the colors you wore were always so mesmerizing. each time, his stares made you nervous.

you left the shop with two records in hand, which Johnnie had paid for despite your protests.

in the car, Johnnie turned on your shared playlist. it was always so bipolar with your contrasting music tastes, but it was enjoyable anyway. he sang the words to your favorite songs as you did his. you drove to a park right on the outskirts of town.

Johnnie jogged around the car to open the door for you. "thank you, kind sir." you giggled.

"you're welcome, sweetheart." he flashed you a toothy grin.

being 'cringe' with Johnnie was your guys' thing. he loved calling you all of those silly pet names, and you took pride in the fact that you two were the stereotypical 'love bird' couple.

the two of you collected all of the supplied and trudged out into the park.

"im so glad I'm here with you." Johnnie mentioned, holding your one free hand. "it feels like it's been forever since I've gotten to take you on a real date, something other than cuddling and watching a movie with takeout or some shit."

you sighed, taking a step closer to him. "I know. but, it's okay baby." you planted a kiss on his cheek, stumbling over your feet as you tried not to drop the things in your arm. "I love those dates, too."

you laid out the blanket and Johnnie piled all of the painting supplies on top.

Johnnie sat across from you, a love struck look in his eyes that never seemed to leave whenever you were around. he spoke to you about whatever was on his mind: his music, the new Star Wars game, how much he loved your smile. he always found it so easy to talk to you, and you felt the same.

as you squirmed some colors out onto the pallette, you quizzed him on his new music. you practically begged him to show you daily, but he always refused, claiming it'd 'ruin the surprise.' so, as your paintbrush moved gently over the canvas, you gathered whatever information you could about his album (which wasn't very much.) you groaned, making a joke about him cheating on you with his album. you changed the subject, filling him in on co-worker drama. you also asked about how getting his drivers license was going, which he seemed proud to talk about.

finally, the timer went off and you switched paintings. you had painted a night sky, and that was all you had. his beautiful blue eyes were the biggest distraction.

he had illustrated a large, lanky, dead tree. it resembled his shoulder tattoo. you began painting small fairies under the tree as he immediately got back to work, simultaneously talking more in depth about his license.

you updated him on how learning guitar, on his guitar, was going. he gushed about how proud he was, and how he couldn't wait for the two of you to be able to play together. the only reason you hadn't yet was because you wanted to get better before he heard. silence fell between the two of you once more. you listened intently as he hummed, his eyebrows furrowed with concentration. he looked like a painting himself.

you switched off paintings. in your night sky, he had painted a UFO. a goody smile formed on his face whenever he saw your fairies.

he brought up the idea of making a youtube video together. the internet knew you were together, but you kept your relationship private. you had filmed videos with the whol group before, but never just Johnnie. you immediately agreed. word vomit erupted as you told him how excited you were to have two new records for your collection.

you mutually agreed you were ready to go home, seeing as you both were pretty tired and ready to cuddle and watch a movie.

the final painting switch commenced. he had drawn houses in the tree for the fairies, along with where lights strung around it. you had added a cow wearing sunglasses and a tutu under the UFO. you planned to hang both of the paintings up as soon as they were dry.

Johnnie leaned in, placing a long, sensual kiss on your lips. "I love you," he muttered against them with a smile.

you couldn't wait to marry Johnnie someday.

[camryntheking]

Ok! My thoughts on 7x05!

First, i just wanna say that the whole Hen and Karen storyline is awesome! I love that the show is giving queer people so much screen time, especially a Black lesbian couple! And i think its super sweet that they really want to try for Mara! I hope it works out!

Next, i think that has been my favorite cold open so far. The “ITS MEEE” gets me every time (i have already watched it loads of times). I dont have much to comment on it other than it was funny as fuck

Ok. The date scene. I was hoping to see more of Eddie watching them (especially after the stills), but oh well. The second-hand embarrassment i got was… a lot. But i dont think its necessarily a bad thing. It showed how out of his comfort zone Buck was and how he was trying to navigate a terrifying situation. And Tommy? I might have to retract my earlier retraction. Cos wtf?? Literally had just finished talking about how its hard to accept yourself in a “macho” field, then makes a dig at Buck when he fumbles? Not cool. Then not communicating what was happening until he was getting in the Uber? You dont just abandon someone at a restaurant like that. I understand the “you’re not ready” thing, but that was a dick move.

Also, Buck, baby. Sweetheart. Darling. “I look at hot guys’ asses.” Sweetie. Like Maddie said. You are more than an ally lmao. I also just love how Maddie showed interest in getting to know who Buck was talking about and treating the convo after like a normal convo. Because it is! And i love it! But she also emphasized talking to Eddie, because she knew that Eddie would not react poorly. I feel like that just shows how everyone knows how close Buck and Eddie are. TLDR, Maddie is an awesome sister and Buck is lucky to have her ❤️

Next point, the scene where Buck and Tommy talk over coffee. I do think that the hand holding at the end is very sweet and shows how Buck is really trying to be more open, but Tommy is just really starting to rub me the wrong way. Pretty much everything he said contradicts what happened in the date scene. I feel like him being at the wedding is really gonna spark some Jealous Eddie, tho, so i am excited to see that lmao

And Eddie and Marisol? I feel like the show is going in a direction that leads them to breaking up. Like yes, it is showing growth for Eddie and allowed him to acknowledge that he has Catholic guilt, but theres just. No chemistry. It feels awkward. I feel like her being an ex-nun is gonna bring up some issues with Buck and Eddie will not stand for that. I also wanted to point out that i got even more vibes that Eddie could be demisexual, cos he didnt straight up say that he loved Shannon, just that he loved being married to her. And he knows that he is moving too fast and needs to step back a bit

Finally, Buck coming out to Eddie. I do find it funny that Eddie seemed more shocked that Tommy wasnt straight than figuring out Buck isnt straight. But its awesome that Eddie showed interest and genuinely wanted to help Buck through the issue. And the hug? Finally! Give me men not being afraid to hug each other! I feel like this is allowing Buck and Eddie to become even closer (i do hope for Buddie eventually)

Overall, i feel like this episode was great for setting up the development of Buck and Eddie’s relationship (whether it ends up being platonic or romantic). And i am all for Buck exploring his sexuality with someone that isnt Eddie. While Tommy isnt my favorite right now, i do think that he is great for the progression of Buck’s story. I do hope to see more of Dad!Bobby in the coming episodes and how Buck’s parents might react to Tommy. I dont wanna wait three weeks for the next episode 😢. Im ready for the chaos of the Madney wedding

If i think of anything else ill add on, but i think thats all i have for now. Feel free to share your thoughts!

[berylcups]

I feel bad because this is my 3rd ask in less than 24 hrs, lmao 😭 anyway... I think u said you had pt.3 brainrot rn? Me too lmaoo, could you do hcs of the crusaders with an s/o who's standing kinda works like Wanda's powers from Marvel? I think that would be dope asf, tyty!!! 🩵

Hey sorry for the long wait! I assumed you meant Wanda from the MCU cannon so that’s what I based readers power off of since her powers are kinda vagueish. (Telekinesis and mind control) I hope this is what you have had in mind-if not please forgive me 😭😭😭 (it’s been forever since I watched a marvel movie…I think Black Panther was the last one? Damn that’s a long time ago!)

SDC X Reader who has powers like Wanda

CW: poopoo mention? Idk nothing really! But be forewarned- I love toilet humor and so does Araki it seems lmao

Notes: I based this off of the MCU Wanda and her powers. I did some research just to make xtra sure since my Marvel knowledge is a lil rusty! But I hope everyone enjoys!

Joseph

“Next you’ll say—I’m going to take control of your body gramps! …wait hold on a minute.”

He’s amused by your abilities! He wants to see you take control of poor bystanders or his grandson and make them do harmless embarrassing things. Silly things like doing a stupid dance, picking their nose, farting loudly in public, just really crude juvenile behavior. You think with him being the oldest he would act the most mature!

Jotaro

“…Stay out of my head bitch/bastard.” He grumbled.

He acts all cool and collected, unaffected by the power of your stand. But internally he’s sweating buckets. The ability to mind control and move objects is a very valuable ability. He’s happy you’re an ally and not one of Dios minions…but if you are, he’s willing to take you on! But he’s going to have to think hard on how to find and exploit your weaknesses!

He really wants to see you in action. Taking control of Steely Dan would have taken a lot of stress out of the whole lovers debacle.

Kakyoin

He thinks your abilities are cool! He’s actually really excited but is too shy to show it. He likes how you can control minds, Hierophant green can control bodies like puppets too. 🙂 it makes him feel good to have something in common with someone.

He does wonder if you can use your telekinesis to play video games or if it takes more concentration to do so… it seems like a good experiment to test out for him! (And me too… I wanna play my switch without having to worry about joycon drift 🥲)

Avdol

Magical! He’s intrigued! He would love to test your limits and help you hone your skills.

He wonders how strong of will you can take control of and how much weight you can carry with your telekinesis.

“My will is strong and my mind is clear. Just try and take control of me!”

Polnareff

“Mind control and telekinesis?! Niiiice. There’s so many things I need you to do!”

He respects your powers and he means well but… he really wants to see you use your powers for shits and giggles.

He wants to see you manipulate objects in front of nonstand users and take control of others minds to make it seem like they are being haunted.

“Tell the madame she’s forever doomed if she doesn’t date the beautiful man with the perfectly styled hair!”

…Don’t do it. He needs to earn love the RIGHT way 😅

Iggy

“Im just a dog. What are you expecting from me???”

*farts*

If you use telekinesis to pick him up he’s gonna PANIC 😱 here we come—Flying Dog!!!

Please fly him above Polnareff so he can fulfill his dream of shitting on his head like a bird. And so he can get revenge on all the other birds that shit on him by shitting back.

He will be your best friend ever after that. No joke. You got yourself a new dog.

[angstflavoured]

You have any fic recommendations? Any fandom really lol. You have good takes and interpretation so I feel like you’d have some fire recs

AWH WELL THANK YOU !! I dont actually know how great the ones I read are gonna be since usually the fandoms Im in are scarce on content 💀 but ill go ahead and list a bunch of the ones I really like. I definitely spend way too much of my time reading one shots. REALLY wanna get back into longer fics, but its hard to find ones I care enough to sit down and dedicate time to these days 💔

Smiling Friends

bittersuite, charlie/pim: AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED !!!!! THIS FIC CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER !!!!! It is hurt/no comfort, but its soooo good it hurts so good and also there is supposed to be more eventually so i'd get on this one first bc when the second one drops its gonna be a day in history

Dimples, charlie/pim: I just read this last night and was so pleasantly surprised ☹️ Its so damn cute and I love how it delves more into both of their characters.

Portal 2

interface, chell/wheatley: HANDS down, best portal 2 one shot out there. the way the characterize chell is fucking insane, altered my brain chemistry forever. also wheatley is so hehehheheheh

You Do It, adventure/fact: I have a very love/hate relationship with this author..... Im not the BIGGEST fan of how they characterize them, esp Fact, but its definitely the most decent factventure content out there. I so like this one quite a bit, though their ideas are definitely better in theory than completely in practice. That's how I feel abt a lot of their works, but this person unironically holds the title for like 90% of the factventure content. If you just want some quick cute smut of them, i'd say you should check out their acc, cus I get the factventure fandom is starving LMAOO

I've got the fuse if you've got the light, adventure core/reader: ....erm, very self indulgent for me hehe!!! i was so fucking excited when this dropped

Half-Life/HLVRAI

Autonomous Sweet Mesa Response, benrey/gordon: THIS FIC IS SOOO FUCKING FIREEEEE !!! OH MY GOD, I can't even count the times I've read this one. their dialogue is as good as it comes next to canon. If you like this one, this is the first in a huge series and litearlly all of them are just as good as the first. such a good sit down and binge author. They also have a shit ton of other good hlvrai stuff on their page and they make fire art

If You Asked Me To, benrey/gordon: the way they wrote the sex scene in this changed my brain forever, it was so fucking awesome.... frenrey dynamic makes me WILD

Whispers and Moans, barney/gordon: this whole author has a lot of super cute freehoun :'[ this one deals with them before the resonance cascade AND after and shows how things changed between them and its so precious grrraah

Promise, barney/gordon: again, deals with the timeskip stuff which just always makes my heart hurt... also shower sex smiles

It’s Only Natural, barney/gordon: I DIDNT REALIZE THIS FIC JUST GOT FINISHED THIS YEAR OH MY GODDDD I WAS OBSESSED WITH THIS need to reread this immediately

Team Fortress 2

He's a Rebel, sniper/spy: SUPER fucking cheesy and corny but oh my god its like one of my fav fics ever..... it's just so much fun, like stereotypical fanfic and that's always a good time to me. biker gang member/school teacher au are you fucking kidding me i'll vomit

It IS the Size That Matters, sniper/spy: erm.... BLOWJOBS!! always find myself coming back to this one sorry i really like it hehe

Secure, demo/solider: Not a lot of fics of these guys, which really sucks!! super underrated ship. I liked this one a lot tho, its pretty cute and a little emotional

Something to Rely On, sniper/spy: casual sex but really sniper is in love will forever be my favourite thing ever, it never gets old istg

The Silent Game, sniper/spy: can you tell I really like sniperspy, MORE BLOWJOBS!!!

Disco Elysium

The Collision in Cardiozone HQ, harry/kim: holy. fucking. shit. actually life changing i am not joking. so fucking heartbreaking, it left me hollowed out for like a WEEK after the ending. A longer one for sure, but SO worth it like oh my god

The Catacomb Killer, harry/kim: I don't think I ever fully finished this one, but I remember REALLY liking the whole case the fic was set around. there was so much thought put into it, it was genuinely interesting like a murder mystery show

Retour à nouveau, harry/kim: I did really like the whole plot and buildup in this one, but from what I remember, them getting together was super anticlimatic :P i recall being disappointed, but the whole actual case and their interactions during the fic are super cute

Mortal Kombat 1

the game of idiocy, johnny/kenshi: BY THE SAME AUTHOR AS BITTERSUITE!! this one is sooo fucking cute, the way they write them interacting is so much fun. a little troupey and on the cheesier side, but cmon who doesn't love that

Undertale

Flowey is Not a Good Life Coach: no ships but delves a lot into flowey and papyrus relationship and there's so much good sans development too. SUPER GENERIC, it IS one of the most liked fics, but I remember reading it back when I was a teenager and it blew my fucking mind. ghhghggh i love the way they write the brothers interacting so much

The Party Incident and Other Embarrassing Anecdotes, sans/reader: uhmm.... soo sorry, this fic will forever hold a special little place in my heart. I'm sure if I read it now it would be SO corny cus oh my god it was fucking 2016 like are you kidding, but I'm just a fucking sucker for fake dating. there like 5000000 troupes in this one and theyre all so cute and its just a fun and silly time. it subconsciously inspires so much of my writing in fics. will probably forever be unfinished before they get together though HAHAH so definitely do not read if you're looking for a solid ending. its just about the journey i swear

[gabessquishytum]

Chef AUs for the yummy win!! 👨🏼‍🍳👨🏻‍🍳

Dream is the tough judge on a cooking challenge show and he falls in love with all the dishes Hob is cooking (kinda specifically to impress him).

Hob is a very good chef and he's had a major crush on Chef Dream -- he's eaten, multiple times, at all of Dream's restaurants; he's read all Dream's interviews (; he might, might, have a set of the knives Dream endorsed) -- since they both came up through the ranks. Hob was always very impressed that Dream made his own way and didn't rely on the Endless name for a leg up (for the most part).

Being good enough to gain a spot on Dream's cooking challenge was such a moonshot; Hob is going to woo that man with his food, as if it's the last thing he'll do!

Omg!!! Im imagining like a masterchef: the professionals kind of thing? Hob is already a pro chef and he works at his best friend's restaurant, living his dreams!! He'd love to have his own restaurant in the future, maybe, but he loves having the opportunity to work with his friend and learn everything that can be learned about the industry!

He is SO excited to be on the show and tries so hard to be too much of a fanboy when Dream shakes his hand!!! But Hob calms down and focuses on the food, and making a good impression. He's not expecting Dream to fall in love with him (although he does daydream about that...) but he is really serious about Dream liking his food. It means the world to him.

Hob immediately emerges as a fan favourite on the show because of all his smart comments to camera, and also because he's really really good!! And he doesn't hold back on the spices 😉 And when it comes down to Dream tasting the food? The viewers have never seen him eat so much. Normally he'll pick up a dainty forkful and then give his criticism. But with Hob, he practically eats the whole thing, while waxing lyrical about how good it is.

To no one's surprise, Hob wins the challenge. As a kind of unofficial add on to the prize, Dream invites him for dinner... at his place. Hob has been cooking for him for weeks, it's only fair to return the favour. Hob gets his turn to talk about how much he loves Dream’s recipes and how yummy the food is, and of course he eats every morsel that Dream cooks for him. Dream gets major heart-eyes just watching Hob eat and smile and say nice things <333

After dessert it's pretty much inevitable that they have their first kiss while Hob helps Dream rinse off the dishes. They're both covered in soap suds and probably far too full of nice food for any strenuous activities, but Hob takes great delight in being pushed against the counter and thoroughly smooched. Right next to the same set of knives that he has at home <3

Seduction via food has obviously worked out for both of them!

[gfguren]

iruka x reader x kakashi | fluff, angst, !suggestive in parts, self-indulgent and way too long (i’m sorry lol), im in love with iruka and it shows | cw: cursing

-iruka gives you everything kakashi never could-

It's strange, that feeling in your stomach - all butterflies and cartwheels abound. It makes you sick almost, makes you want to run and hide and destroy the one thing that finally makes you feel whole again. Damn those fluttering feelings. They'll turn to wasps one day, they always do.

But there he is again, disheveled hair and stars in his eyes, holding your hand and promising he'll never hurt you. "Iruka," you whisper.

He smiles, wrapping his arms around your torso. He's warm as always. "Something you need?"

You shake your head, resting your chin on his shoulder. His sweater smells of your detergent and you sigh; sharing your life with him still feels strange sometimes but you cherish it - and him, and all the sweet, fluttery memories you've made together. "It’s nothing."

He hums in understanding and you hold him a little tighter, taking a peek at the book in his hand. It's a cheesy romance and for the first time in a long time, you think of him. Him with his wily white hair and crooked smile, and words that you so desperately wanted but never received.

You wonder why the words "I love you" were so hard to say. Sometimes you still get whiplash when Iruka whispers them against your lips, so honestly and sweet. Was it so wrong to want to belong to another, to yearn to spend your life with him, as his? Was it too much to ask from the man you loved so deeply once?

It must have been - for him to disappear like he did - to vanish from your life like a flash of lightning, so exciting and beautiful and gone, just like that. But Iruka was there to lull you back, like thunder rumbling in your soul, letting you know the storm was passing bit by bit; and when it cleared he was there by your side, in place of the man who left you behind.

It was hard at first, to trust another, to let yourself fall into the insecurity of loving someone once more; because now you knew you could lose him just as easily. But Iruka eased that fear, with hands that's intertwined in yours so easily, with eyes that looked at you like you were his universe, his eternity.

You've nearly forgotten the way you looked at Kakashi, like he put the stars in the sky, nearly forgot the night he packed those very stars away, along with the moon and left your sky a muted grey - but that book, hanging so innocently from Iruka's fingers brings them flooding back.

And suddenly you're back to that night and Kakashi's in your bed, beneath your sheets with your arms wrapped sweetly around his middle in the hopes he'd hold you back this time.

But he wouldn't, he never did.

He flips through the pages, attention solely on the book instead of you and all you can do is pout, shifting to peer over his shoulder. A blush creeps up your neck at the lewd words scrawled across the page, somehow embarrassed as if he hadn't bent you over the kitchen table less than an hour ago, the food you spent half a day cooking easily forgotten. But you muster your courage, he would be leaving tomorrow - back to Konoha - and you didn't know when you'd see him again. You hope he'll leave marks this time, proof that he was here at all.

"I'm right here you know," your fingers grip his bicep but he doesn't respond, nonchalantly flicking the page over. "Kashi-" You're startled when you find yourself beneath him so suddenly, wrist in one of his steady hands, the other on the small of your back.

"I know." He lowers his mask and you admire his bare face in the flicker of a moment before his head dips to press his plush lips to yours. "You're very distracting."

"Is that a bad thing?" You breath softly.

He only smiles, hand creeping beneath the material of your shirt to softly caress the curve of your breast. You arch into his touch, quiet whimpers swallowed by his lips. It's almost sweet, the way he holds you, and you wrap your arms around his neck, pretending he's embracing you, pretending he's confessing his love for you - you know he's in love with you, the very same way you are with him. But he'll never admit it.

Neither to you, nor himself.

And you fall into this fantasy, so deeply that the words you know you can never say tumble from your lips faster than you can catch them, pouring through your fingers like water through a sieve. 

"I love you, Kakashi."

He freezes, turns to ice, eyes locked in the far corner of the room, and then he's gone. Your gaze follows him around the room, tongue searching desperately for the words to say as he collects his clothes from the floor.

"Kakashi." He doesn't say a thing, just pulls up his mask and throws his shirt over his head. "Kashi, please. I didn't mean it, I-"

The smile that pulls at his lips startles you, silencing your babbling in an instant. "Sorry. I forgot I have an errand to run before returning to the village." He grabs his bag from the end of the bed before reaching over to pat the top of your head. "Don't wait up for me, okay?"

Something pulls at your chest when he turns his back to you, despite his unwavering smile. It's different than all the times before, the fear squeezes your heart, makes it hard to breathe, and you find yourself searching for any excuse at all to make him stay, but all you can manage is a pathetic, "Don't leave me."

He hovers in the doorway, and you'd have sold every bit of your soul to merely glimpse at the thoughts crossing his mind in those few short moments, because he disappears from your life after that. Which isn't so strange at first, he’s a busy man after all. 

But a year passes, and then two, and eventually you give up, accept that he left whatever strange, fragile thing the two of you had behind for you to sort through all on your own. And you do a poor job of it, but you accept it, giving up on ever seeing him again.

Until work leads you to Konoha, and you try, god damn it all, you try not think of Kakashi but you search for him in strangers' faces and linger a little too long around the places he'd mentioned in passing. And you know he can sense your chakra, he'd always said it was unique, though you're not a shinobi at all.

Still, you cling to the hope that he doesn't expect it, that you catch him off guard and you reunite like star crossed lovers, or that he missed you so deeply in your time apart that he confesses his love in such desperation that all he can do is hold you, as if he's afraid you'll disappear.

The same way you did for him, and it's all kinds of pathetic and melodramatic, you know.

You push your noodles around the bowl, anything to distract you from the hustle and bustle around you, because the moment you look up, you'll search for Kakashi's stupid face, in this stupid restaurant, in this stupid town - and damn it all, you just want to enjoy your sake in peace for one night. 

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

You startle at the man's voice beside you, waving him off in a subtle 'whatever' before returning to your poking and prodding. "What crime did those noodles commit?"

His voice is kind and gentle, and his stupid joke is for your sake, not his; but you're not in the mood tonight, rolling your eyes and lifting your glass for the third or possibly thirteenth time this evening, you really can't remember.

"I've been told I'm not funny before but this is an all time low for me." He laughs and you finally lift your gaze to catch the way his head tilts, hand rubbing the back of his neck, and your annoyance simmers, just a bit. He's cute, at least, with tan skin and a mysterious scar across the bridge of his nose. "I'm Iruka, by the way."

You consider offering your own, but you don't - leaving a silence as deafening as it is awkward.

He coughs dryly, "Am I bothering you? Sorry."

"Your jokes could use some work," you muse. "But you're easy on the eyes, at least."

You catch the blush that creeps up his throat and colors the tips of his ears, and you can't stop the laughter that bubbles up your throat.

It's been a long time since you've found yourself so easily and completely enamored with another, not since - since - your drunken stupor leaves you hazy, lost on the name.

"Kakashi."

Right, since Kakashi.

Wait.

"Late as usual," Iruka sighs.

You want to say it's the screeching barstool, and the waitress’ cheery, lilted voice that draws your attention across the bar. But it's not. It's the white hair and dark eyes that are the same as ever.

He seems tired, more worse for wear than you remember, and a small, selfish part of you is glad that you're not the only one. But more than that, the part that still loves him is worried, still; and you hate yourself for it, wishing you could cut that part of you away, like it’s the half of a photograph you no longer wish to keep and set it alight, burn it to ash.

You realize you're staring, blatantly so, and he's not looking at you at all. He knows you're there, you're sure, and that hurts you even more.

Tears burn your eyes and you slide a tip beneath the empty drinking glass, keen on leaving before they fall. You stand to leave a little too quickly, swaying precariously on your way up and Iruka is quick to steady you, hand gingerly tucked beneath your elbow. "Careful now."

Instinct kicks in and you start to pull away, but you catch Kakashi's gaze suddenly locked on you, worry creasing his brow, and you're angry, angry that he still has so much power over you, angry that he has the audacity to watch over you still, and the anger fills you, fills you until it spills over and you're grabbing the stranger by the collar and sweetly keening up at him with a softly babbled, "Mm, don't feel good. Can you take me home mister?" His face is beet red at the implication and you grin, making sure to croon his name softly as you press against him. "Pretty please, Iruka?"

His nod is a hesitant one and he's gentle about the way he steadies you, one hand on your elbow and the other hovering over the silhouette of your hip, just in case. It's so incredibly respectful and sweet, and the guilt almost creeps into your conscious - almost - but Kakashi's eyes are still on you, and the anger washes the guilt away in single, sweeping wave, disappearing within the tide.

"Raincheck?" Iruka sheepishly mumbles and Kakashi finally pulls his gaze from you, waving him off with a nod.

You're nodding off by the time you reach the door to your room, shuffling the inn key into Iruka's hand; though you'd have probably thought better of it had you been sober, and not teetering on the edge of passing out in the stranger’s arms. But you trust him, oddly enough, as he all but carries you inside, gently placing you atop the freshly made bed. Taking one look at your disheveled state, he sighs, disappearing into the bathroom.

You sit up, clumsily pulling the jacket from your shoulders before tossing it over the chair in the corner. It falls to the floor, and you groan, flopping over on the bed, too tired to care.

That’s a tomorrow problem.

You're startled when a warm washcloth is pressed against the palm of your hand. "You should wash your face before you sleep, at least." Iruka's voice is soft and you watch curiously as picks up the jacket, folding it neatly before placing it atop your luggage. Your curiosity deepens when he opens the mini fridge and pulls out a bottle of water, placing it on your bedside table. "And try to finish that before you sleep." He sets the key to your room beside it before heading towards the door.

"That's it?"

He turns halfway, just enough to catch the bewilderment sweeping your face. "That's it?" he repeats, a lilt of confusion in his voice. "Ah," he hums, returning to switch off the light to your room, leaving the illumination to the soft light of the bedside lamp. "Sleep well."

The smile on his face is one of innocence, it's so different from what you're used to. And you want to catch it, keep it by your bedside table, like fireflies in a jar.

But he's gone all too quickly, shutting the door with a soft click.

Konoha is entirely too hot, you’ve always thought so, still it’s better than the dark, cloudy skies you grew up under. But your days in this scorching hot village are waning and you're searching the crowd whenever you find yourself wandering through town, though it's not for Kakashi - not anymore.

And unlike Kakashi, who was a ghost hiding in your shadow, Iruka is so easy to find.

Maybe it's his laugh, warmer than the sunshine on your skin that draws you in, lulls you close until you're standing before him, hand raised in an awkward, half wave. He seems to perk up at your approach. "You're a lot friendlier when you're sober, I see."

You roll your eyes, but you're not annoyed, his quip is as playful as it is deserved. "Thank you for the other night - Iruka, was it?"

"You remembered, I'm honored. And frankly surprised too considering you couldn't stand straight." He grins and your heart skips a beat. "Do I get the honor of learning yours this time?"

You're a little too quick to give it away, afraid it comes out desperate, but Iruka repeats it, rolls it over his tongue like candy and it makes you feel almost comfortable, safe falling into the vulnerability. "Are you busy?"

He seems a bit taken off guard but plays it off with a smile. "Why? Need an escort again?"

You laugh, leaning in just to make him squirm, to watch the red color his ears. "I was thinking we could get dinner, actually."

"I would love to." You're a little too happy about it, which makes it all the worse when he finishes with a sighed, "but I can't, I have to work late tonight."

"Oh." It's a pathetic sound, though you try to play it off as nonchalant.

"I'm free tomorrow." He's quick to soothe your disappointment. "And I make a mean Udon soup, if you're interested."

You can't help but laugh, as if that's something to brag about. "Do you offer that to all the girls you meet?"

"Only the pretty ones." A blush creeps up the nape of your neck, and it feels silly, juvenile even. "And you're one to talk, as if you didn't ask a complete stranger to take you home."

"That's because-" Kakashi's visage creeps into your mind and you're quick to shut your mouth. "It just happened that way, it's not like, a habit or anything. Promise."

"I know." He smiles and you feel your worries dissipate like snow melting beneath the sun's enduring watch. "Just be careful, is all."

“Oh?” You’re clearly scheming, grinning when you take a step back, following up with a taunting, “If I’m careful, I suppose I’ll have to turn down that infamous Udon of yours.”

“Did I say something? I suddenly don’t remember.” A laugh bubbles past his lips. ”I’ll be seeing you tomorrow then.”

Your laughter follows suit.

His soup is perfectly fine, you suppose, but you’re much more interested in how cute he looks with his hair down and the apron still tied loosely around his waist, salivating at the thought of taking his hand and leading him to the little couch tucked in the corner of his apartment and-

“So, how was it?”

“Mm ‘as fine.” And maybe it’s because you drank a little too much, it’s not like you could have turned up empty handed, and well, you couldn’t let such an expensive wine go to waste when he didn’t seem all that interested in it. You make a mental note you’ll probably forget by morning to expand his palette, teach him to live a little, momentarily forgetting you won’t be around long enough to do so anyway.

“Just fine?”

“Mhm,” you tumble forward, barely catching yourself on the wooden tabletop. Worry creases his brow but you only laugh. “‘m fine, see look.” You do a little twirl, well - a half twirl, and a full dramatic fall, saved only by his quick reflexes and strong arms. “W-oah.”

“Alright,” he sighs, lifting you carefully, gently like you’re a fragile, precious thing. And it makes your heart flutter. “I think it’s time to get you home.”

“but ‘m not even drunk.”

“I’m sure,” he laughs. “Let’s say it’s because it’s late then.”

“Iruka,” you whine, keening up at him and you see him start to crumble. “Iruka,” your voice is hot against his throat, alcohol on your breath and hearts in your eyes. “I-ru-ka.”

“What?” 

He’s folding, you’re sure, and you grin, sly as a fox. “Just a lil longer, hm? Pretty pl-ease?” He sighs and you have to suppress the laughter bubbling up your throat, confident that you’ve got him wrapped around your finger. “Knew you-”

“No.” 

“Huh?” You’re sure you must have heard him wrong, sure the alcohol must be messing with you. “No?”

“Let’s get you home for tonight, yeah?” His arms fall away from you and he turns away to help collect your belongings.

You’re sure you’ve never been this embarrassed in your life, he’s rejected you not once but twice and hot tears begin to well in your eyes. “Thought you said I was pretty?” You’re entirely dejected, picking at your fingers. “‘’m I not pretty enough?”

“You’re very pretty.” Iruka doesn’t miss a beat, quick to set the record straight. The last thing he wants to do is make you cry. “But you’re also very drunk and-” He hesitates, worries the skin of his bottom lip.

“And?”

He sighs, making his way back over to you. “I know Kakashi’s the one in your heart, that you’re doing this just to get under his skin.”

“You... knew?” You’re taken aback, the shock sobering you almost immediately. You scramble for an explanation, the hows and whys, but it only makes your head hurt. “Did he tell you?”

“He didn’t have to; it was obvious.”

“Is that why you took me home that night?” Your sadness turns to anger, embarrassment, indignation. “Because you pitied me?”

“If you’d asked before Kakashi showed up, I probably wouldn’t have taken you home.” Your hands shake, you feel stupid, trusting him, leaning on a stranger so easily, so naive; but even worse is the fact that you know the way you used him was worse. But Iruka does what he’s best at, lulls you in, soothes you, dissipates your worries before they take shape. “But if given the chance, I’d have certainly asked you on a date.”

And makes you feel hopelessly guilty.

“I’m sorry.”

You can’t even look at him, counting each crevice of his worn floorboards. His voice is soft, kind, like he’d accept any and all mistake you’ve made, every way you’ve ever slighted him. “For what?”

“For using you that night, I just-” You shake your head, swiping angrily at the tears spilling down your cheeks. “I just didn’t want to look pathetic in front of him. But I was sincere about everything else, and-” You sigh, stealing a glance up at him. “It’s not that I want Kakashi I- I just- damnit.”

The sobs fill you to the brim, wrack your frame until you’re helpless. You thought you were done crying over him, but it still stings, no matter how many times you tell yourself it doesn’t. 

Iruka is hesitant, gentle about the way he reaches out to wipe the tears from your cheeks. “I always figured he was the type to make pretty girls cry.” He pulls you in, holds you steady but it’s useless, like trying to embrace ripples in the water. You only become more inconsolable. And he tries something out of pocket, reckless, stupidly bold and so unlike himself. His soft lips slant over yours and reality snaps back into focus, and you’re staring up at him, like deer caught in headlights. “I wouldn’t - at least - I’ll try my best not to. If you’ll give me that chance, that is.”

You blink slow, answering him with your fingers in his hair and lips back on his.

Your remaining days dissipate, flash before your eyes like stars shooting through the sky and you cling to them like a wish you know won’t be granted, in the end. It hurts, to gain something so precious just to have it taken from you so abruptly, unjustly. 

At least you’re used to it.

And if the skies and the stars and the heavens won’t grant you that wish, you suppose you’ll just have to make it a reality yourself.

And you do, returning just long enough to finish your current contract and pack your things, finding work and a cozy little apartment on the edge of Konoha. It’s a bit silly, you realize, dropping everything for a stranger who could leave you in the end, burn you the same way you’d been before. But you figure you wouldn’t miss a thing about the cloudy, overcast skies of the Mist anyway - not to mention the memories that linger like smoke, seeping through your windows and closing up your throat.

Konoha is still warm when you return, teetering on the edge of Autumn, and Iruka is there to welcome you, making sure your arrival is warmer still. And he’s quick to help you unpack, settle into your life like you’d been there all along. It makes you sick at times, like coming down from a sugar rush and you’re almost reluctant to indulge. 

But he lulls you in, holds your hand and kisses your lips so sweetly that you can’t help but fall into him, for him, even if it scares you - that vulnerability. And when he tells you he loves you that very first time, you’re reeling, fight or flight kicking in and it’s the way his soft brown eyes steady on you, hold you down and pull you back that makes you stay, convinces you to trust his words are true.

Though it’s years before you truly do, years of confessions and promises and proclamations of love and, god he must be a saint to be that patient with you, because you struggle to reciprocate, still, even though you’re sure he’s the one in your heart, even though you love him so deeply you’re scared you’ll break if one day he decides he doesn’t feel that way anymore. 

And all you can do in the meantime is let him hold you, the very way he is now. A book in one hand and his self-proclaimed world in the other - you.

A subtle knocking draws your mind back to the confines of reality, where you're still cozied up in Iruka's arms, but you notice he's tensed, the page between his fingertips frozen mid-turn. You look to the door then up at him, trying to read the mixed expression on his face.

He opens his mouth only to close it again right after, as if he's hesitant to say what's on his mind, scared that it'll hurt you. His voice is quiet when he finally mutters, "It's Kakashi."

There's a heaviness in your chest and you can't place why exactly until you find yourself burying your head in his shirt, arms wrapping tighter around his middle, hoping that he can feel just how much you love him. "And what about it?"

He's gentle about the way he sets the book aside and takes you by the shoulders, prying you away just enough to meet your gaze. "You should talk to him."

You pout, crossing your arms across your chest, and it’s childish as hell, you know. "Mm, don't want to."

"My love," he sighs. "You don't have to but-" He hesitates, chews the inside of his cheek. "Sometimes it feels like you struggle to love me, like you put distance between us the second I think we've finally grown closer. And I-" You can feel his sadness in the way his fingers tighten around your shoulders. "I can't help but think it's because of Kakashi."

You're speechless, you can't even deny it. He can always read you like an open book.

"Please talk to him, if not for yourself then for me."

You hesitate but ultimately resign with a nod. "You're sure you're okay with this?"

He smiles, a genuine one that puts your heart at ease. "I'm sure."

Your legs shake when you stand but you straighten your back, making sure your head is high when you open the door. The confidence you hoped to exhume vanishes the moment you lock eyes with him, instead you just feel empty.

"How did you know I was here?" is all you ask, it's all you find yourself wanting to ask. You don't care where or how he's been, and it doesn't strike you as odd either. He doesn't answer, just stares, hands nonchalantly in his pockets. You sigh, "Did you need something?"

"Iruka's inside?" It's not a really a question, you're sure he can sense his chakra the same as Iruka sensed his, still you answer with a nod. "Then he doesn't know?"

"Know what, Kakashi?" You have an inkling but hold your tongue anyway.

"That we..." His words fade, dissipate as if he's waiting for you to fill in the blanks, and you can't help but wonder if that's a habit you taught him. "You know."

He smiles, eyes crinkling and head tilting to the side; it’s so fake it makes your stomach turn.

"No, I don't know. That we what?" Your words are snappy, though it's not your intention. "That we were in love once? That's not how I remember it." You cross your arms over your chest. “But yes, I suppose he does know.”

The smile never leaves his face but you catch the way it falters, trembles at the edges and becomes a little tighter. “Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Do you love him?” he repeats, taking a step closer.

You take one back.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Do you love him? If not-” His smile gives way, brows creasing in way that startles you, playful facade morphing into that of dead sincerity. “You can come back to me, at any time. You know that, right?”

You have to stop yourself from laughing in his face, instead you turn to go back inside.

"I love you." 

It's rushed, desperate and so unlike him, but you know he means every word, that he’s scrambling to catch you before you’re too far gone; but you’d reached that point a long time ago. You turn back to face him, regarding the way his eyes search your face for any hint of reciprocation.

You're sure he doesn't find any.

"I know." His shock and confusion couldn’t be clearer, he must have thought he’d fooled you, completely, that those words would lull you back like magic. "You think I didn't know? You think I would have stayed by your side if I thought you didn't?"

You knew him all too well, knew that he loved you, and knew he could never act on that feeling, because the second he said it, it would become tangible, real, and you would become yet another thing that he could lose. Still, you poured, poured, poured your love into him, as if it would wash away all the memories that haunted him.

Instead - it washed him away, past the bridges he burned and the dams he built to keep you from becoming someone precious to him.

And if it hadn't, if he'd stayed, you would have continued to love him, pine for him like the fool you were, desperately begging for whatever scraps of affection he deigned to give you.

"Don't leave me." He breathes, a quiet whisper that you almost miss. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It's everything you wanted to hear for all the years you loved him and all years you missed him, and yet when you reach, and reach, and reach into the furthest depths of yourself, past the flowers Iruka bloomed in your heart and the butterflies he nurtured deep in the pits of your stomach, you find nothing for Kakashi.

He's too late.

"But I don't, not anymore."

He reaches out to you, for you but you pull away, close the door, and return to the man that you love, and not even for a moment do you stop to wonder how Kakashi's heart has just broken. Because it’s not your burden to bear anymore.

You're so deeply in love with Iruka -

His gaze is soft when you approach and he places the book he was reading face down on his lap. "Are you okay?"

You nod, a smile finding it’s way across lips as you slip your arms around him. "I love you, Iruka."

He sighs against the top of your head, returning your embrace. "I love you too, darling."

- and he loves you just the same.

[unityrain24]

Saw your tags about Star Wars, it seems Star Wars stans and modern MCU stans are two peas in a pod. :/

im not entirely sure which tags you were referring to, because i have reblogged several starwars posts with Tags, but honestly, the mcu and starwars really are two peas in a pod. And im honestly surprised there isnt more comradery/comparing between the fandoms

both started out as, while definitely not "high art" or anything, legitimately good enjoyable films, with relatable characters the audience could feel empathy and compassion for, exciting new powers and places, fun and adventurous stories, and more, which instantly became beloved classic that people thought about with nostalgia and pleasantness. And they were and by people who cared and the people who watched them were compelled to care and create communities.

But then both franchises saw a shift, from making films from a passionate and moneymaking point of view, to purely making films from a moneymaking point of view. While star wars saw this happen with the franchise being picked up a few years after to make sequels, the mcu's shift happened more gradually, since there was no time in-between making movies.

now, while i would not consider myself a StarWars Fan, my sister and cousins most definitely were, so i had to watch basically everything in order to keep a conversation with them (not that i didnt enjoy it, i quite liked it and all the lore, it just didnt hold the special place in my heart that thing i consider myself a Fan of do). I've watched the movies, the clone wars series, rebels, the mandalorian, etc all the way through. It's been a while since i was keeping up with everything, so forgive me for not having quite a comprehensive understanding and opions of it as i did say, 3-4 years ago lol.

But the starwars sequels are a lot like the latest phases of the mcu. While i cant remember if they explicitly go against any prestablished canon like the later mcu phases do, they definitely go against the spirit and point/purpose of the original (and even prequel) films.From what i remember, the sequels also had went through several different directers and had direction and script changes and was a whole mess, so even the three films were sort of inconsistent or at the very leat felt oddly-thrown together (<-i may be wrong on the specifics of that its been a while. but it was something along those lines). Also like the later phases of the mcu, they relied a lot on the "nostalgia factor" with not only easter eggs but bringing back old ideas, concepts, plots, even characters, since it "worked so well the first time," when really what the "first time" did was think of new things, present old things in new ways, and tell make art from a place of passion, community, and connection, rather than a "whats the least i can do to make the most money" mindset formula (a point brought up a lot by @therese-lokidottir on many of their recent mcu critiques).

Starwars, unlike the mc, did have a brief period of "redemption" where it looked like the franchise would be saved and given back to the hands of people passionate about starwars, stoytelling, and film, with stuff like the final season of clonewars, the mandalorian, and a few other things. That was a great time to be a starwars fan. I wasn't even a fan, and it was kind of magical for me. But now it seems like they are back of the capitalist art-destroying path, hard. They have been pumping out series after series after series (once again going for the "nostalgia" thing, bringing back the clonewars artstyle, several beloved characters, and more), but it all feels so hollow. The stories feel more like they are just putting in a whole bunch of "wow, thats so shocking" and sewing them together with "hey i loved that character!". The costuming and makeup is absolute trash. The worst by far is hera (an alien character from the animated Rebels series, showing up live-action in Ahsoka). It is hideous. I have seen cosplays of her better than what the actual multi-bullion-dollar corpoation disney with all the best resources put on that screen. The costume looked like it was from spirit halloween, the makeup looked patchy and strange, they left out simple details of her design, and all the colours were Off. Examples:

Hera in Rebels:

Hera Cosplayers (x and x):

Hera in the Ahsoka Series: (it is like. seriously disconcerting to me)

and again, the costuming was not the most pressing point. Its actually relatively low on the list of points of everything bad with current starwars. But its good for a visual example. My sister and my cousins loved starwars. Passionate. Ahsoka was one of my sister's favourite characters. She couldnt even get though a full episode of ashoka. I havent heard anything new of starwars from our cousins, either. And we see eachother relatively often. I havent watched a new starwars thing in like... forever now. And it seems like neither have they. And not because they got sick of starwas, i can tell you that. They got sick of the new starwars being pumped out and shoved down their throats where the only things that resembled what they had loved were twisted into something else. Which, at least in my experience, is far, far worse than if they just ended things ubruptly and unfairly. At least mutilated corpse can rest.

The mcu's decline was, again, more gradual, like boiling a frog. Thor ragnarok is where i would probably pinpoint the beginnings though. I didn't like it at first, because it was out of character, sort of reversed elements of the character's well-developing character arcs , narratively picked on some characters more than others, etc. But, it was still a well-beloved film by many, in-universe explanations for why the characters, arcs, and plots were so different could be plausibly thought up, it was fun and unique, and i could make myself ignore the bad parts and focus on the good and enjoy it for a while. But by the time the loki series came out? There wasnt even any of that anymore. No passion. No community. No love of art. No respect for the previous artists and their art, that the new makers were supposed to honour and continue. While ragnarok's morals of the story could be a little iffy at times (attempting to critique colonialism/imperialism, but falling flat because mocking loki for dismantling it; making jokes at points of the film where it was a little inappropriate), the loki series was straight up horrifying. Perhaps most noteably, fucking. GLORIFYING AND EXCUSING/SYMPATHIZING FASCISM??? and labeling genocide as a "necessary evil?" (though, once again, that was not the only immoral "moral" the series preached). Disgusting. And the MCU is pumping out way more films than starwars, and seem far deeper in the money-lust trenches too.

either way, both are suffering and both are bought by disney (and oddly, both keep giving more and more screentime to the fascist characters. but at least starwars isnt romanticizing it like the mcu is...)

and it hurts so much when something important to you is taken from you, and twisted, and ruined, and its mutilated corpse is hung up on string and paraded around as a puppet before your eyes, and burned into your mind even when you finally tear yourself away. And then swarms of people thinking your ridiculous for caring so much about something so unimportant, and others defending the very monstrosity that did this.

But its not ridiculous or silly or inferior to be attatched to a fictional character or fictional world or fictional story or whatever. They can provide comfort, and ways to explore and understand and even come to terms with yourself (or even others!) (and can be especially important coping mechanism for mentally ill people!). And art is a such an innately human thing, for us to express ourselves, and communal art (like film!) is a tradition across humanity and time!

And with the whole thing with people these days defending/denying what capitalism is doing to art, and denying the notion that art has any influence or effect on "real life"... why are these such absurd concept to you, that you liken to some crazy conspiracy theory? Are you really so blind as to not see it happening before you? Is the blindfold over your eyes really so soft it feels like nothing there? They say a bird who doesnt know its in a cage thinks its free. These people seem to think that drastic, unfair, unjust, immoral, inequal changes and systems are only things of the past. And often, the past doesnt feel real. Dinosaurs and the roman empire and some genocide in some faraway land in some faraway time can at times seem just as unreal as mythical creatures and stories. And even if such terrible things were to happen now, surely theyd be able to see it coming. But things like this dont change in an instant. They are gradual. Like boiling a frog. You dont notice. And even if things arent the worst they can be, and never become the worst they can be, they are still bad. Things arent required to be certified the worst of worst in order for change to be allowed to happen. The worst of the worst isnt even a thing.

Our art is being taken from us. We are being overworked and underpayed. Our whole lives are dictated by how "valuable" we are. Our environments are being polluted and decimated and our planet is becoming more and more inhospitable. Racism and queerphobia and ableism and more are taking lives. And none of those things are at the very worst they can be. They could all be much, much, much worse. But we shouldnt just sit around and be grateful its not worse and do nothing more, nor should we deny anything is wrong at all. If you had cancer youd want to do what you could to get better. If you If broke your leg youd do what you could to make it better. Even if you just accidentally cut your hand or finger while chopping vegetables, youd bandages it up. We always should try to make things better.

We deserve to have our art continue to be art. Just as we deserve all the much more pressing areas of our lives to be better too

Anyways, marvel and starwars really are two peas in a pod. And that pod is with other pods, and the plant those pods share is film. Or perhaps even art as a whole. The mcu and starwars are just really good examples of whats happening right now, because not only does it feel like perhaps its hitting them the most, but also because since they are such large franchises, you can really see and document the progression of whats happening with each instalment.

two peas in a pod :( <3

[the1trueanon]

I FINALLY GOT THESE DONE HERE WE GO:

ACTOR AU SAGE!!!

Fun fact! Actor AU is currently the only WH AU to have a version of Sage instead of Rosemary! :D

Her intro stuff is really long, so I'll put it under the cut (AAAA IM SO EXCITED TO SHARE HER)!!

So, for the Actor AU, Sage actually isn't an actor at all! She's a singer and songwriter who has pretty recently (like, within the past year or two before meeting the WH cast, maybe?) become very popular. Sage's personality and music draw a lot of inspiration from AURORA and MALINDA -- songs that tend to have a lot of deeper meaning behind them. She's eccentric and honestly a bit weird, but she's most known for being open and honest about herself and her music, and for being very caring and sweet. She's able to immediately connect to people and help them see different points of view, which is part of why she's gotten so popular with both puppet and human audiences.

Wally, of course, doesn't really trust it, considering how he thinks and what he believes. He assumes she's probably just another attention-hungry diva, thinking they're the shit, using the whole "lets all be best buds!" schtick to sell out. So he doesn't really pay attention to her or what she does too much, besides taking note of her rising popularity.

That is, of course, until he meets her.

Due to Sage's rising popularity, the show executives decide to have her come on the show as a sort of guest star. Wally doesn't really like this, but they're able to negotiate him to at least try it out for an episode and they'll decide what to do after that. Wally reluctantly agrees, but he's not too optimistic about it. He's really just expecting another one of those "rising star" types, y'know? (Which, fair enough, when you consider what all he's probably had to deal with in his time, plus the fact that all he's probably ever seen or heard of her is in interviews, and he puts on an act well enough for his, so.)

I have a whole actual comic planned detailing this that I'll hopefully finish and get out soon (sitting and writing comics is hard when you have near-zero focus QwQ) but essentially he's outside, before filming for the first day of this, just to get air before having to go back in and start directing things and getting ready and she approaches him and just starts talking with him. And he has no idea who the fuck this is??? (Honest to god, he'll never admit it now but he thought she was an intern or something at first XD) But slowly he goes from just answering her shortly to actually participating in the conversation?? And not just a "how's the weather" sort of thing, but like. Actual deep conversation, about what he's doing out there and talking through a little bit of the stress and stuff. And eventually he kinda like, comes to and realizes he's been talking way too much about way too deep stuff and he's like "hold up who tf are you again?" Which is about the same time her manager (who has been named Savannah and she's also a sweetheart) comes out looking for her and before Sage heads in she fully introduces herself to him, and he's just. Stunned. Absolutely blown away.

Here he was, expecting some diva he'd have to give the shake down to, but instead he's met with just. A girl. An honest, strange, caring girl.

This continues throughout that week of filming, Sage subverting every expectation Wally previously had of her. The whole time he's just more and more startled by Sage and who she is. Her whole team is super sweet and she obviously has very deep trust in them, and jokes with them like friends. She treats his staff with utmost respect (which, admittedly, makes him act on his best behavior every time she's around. He doesn't wanna look bad in comparison XD). She seems to genuinely enjoy her time there and what she's doing. Even more than that, Sage honestly has a very poor filter, so she talks a lot about everything lol, but it can be good! Because this is how Wally learns about her drive to create and how much she genuinely wants to bring people together. He finds out that really, the two of them have very similar visions, just for different audiences. Later, he and the executives and director and stuff are all discussing if they wanna keep doing stuff with her and her team and he's just immediately like "Yes. Absolutely. She has a similar vision to me. We either keep doing stuff with her or I'm personally helping fund her, capiche?" and they're all like "👀Got it" XD

And then, of course, there's her music. Which, after that first day of filming, he searches up as much of as he can and listens to it. And is again absolutely blown away lmao (there's another little comic idea I have for this too hehehe but its much shorter than the other one)

And thus begins Wally's journey of self-improvement, led by Sage's example /j XDDDD

ANYWAY HRGHRGHRGHRHGR THATS ALL THE EXPOSITION IMMA GIVE HERE CAUSE THATS A LOT AND THERE'S STILL A TON MORE STORY IN MY BRAIN BUT AUUUGGGHHH I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS AU (also Frills, I have no idea what spell you've put on me with this thing but I have never made such cinematic art before O-O don't stop XD)

As always, Welcome Home belongs to Clown (partycoffin) and Actor/Diva Wally and the Actor AU belong to the wonderful @frillsand!! 💖💖💖

[nishayuro]

Cloud 9 - Obey Me! Barbatos

Collection: My spotify playlist of songs that play in my head at the most unconventional times

Genre: Fluff, a bit of hurt/comfort 

GN! Reader

A/N: Lmao im back with this, enjoy. Kinda self indulgent? Idk, midterms are coming up lmao

Synopsis: RAD has been too much for you, but luckily you have Barbatos by your side.

“I don't wanna seem the way I do, But I'm confident when I'm with you”

You’d think after 6 months in Devildom you’d be able to adapt by now, but well, things don’t always go as planned. It’s not that you’re dumb, it’s just that RAD is very much so different from what you’re used to in the human world. 

The normal English, Math, History and Science subjects have all been replaced with Curses and Hexes, Potions, History of the Devildom and Alchemy and Astronomy of the three realms. 

For someone who prides themself in being a good student, RAD was just stressing you out. You had no background with these subjects, not even knowing these things were real 6 months ago. And now you’re expected to go to classes which are on par with demons who have probably been taking these classes for years. 

You have no clue how you’ll do now that finals are coming up. You did kinda okay on your midterms, but they let it pass since you’re still adjusting. But now pressure has built up. Luckily, you have the wonderful demon prince’s butler who decided to help you out. 

“Lately all I feel is bad and bruised, Tired of tripping on my shoes”

“Hmm, how about we take a quick break? Relax yourself, MC. You’ve been too tense this whole session. Maybe some tea will help you loosen up. I’ll be right back.” Barbatos said, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. You’re now left with your notes and books alone, as you stare at the pieces of paper, your eyes begin to well up with tears. 

Your little crying session was not ignored by the demon butler, you were taken aback when a pair of arms went to hold yours. “Mc, talk to me. What is on your mind?” He asked, voice softer than what you’ve expected from someone like him. 

“I… I don’t want to disappoint Lord Diavolo or Lucifer if I fail my tests. I’ve been trying so hard and yet I still can’t understand or memorize the topics. And I don’t want to disappoint you, you’re helping me study even though you already have too much on your plate. I don’t want you to see me as a burden…” you trail off, voice cracking as you sobbed. 

“Mc, look at me.” he said, warmth in his voice. “I understand that you feel pressured, that your habits of aiming for the top are weighing you down. As much as we appreciate you trying your best for the exchange program, we understand if you’re not on par with the others. They’ve had years to learn these lessons. If anything, you should pride yourself that you’re able to catch and keep up with your classmates.” He replied. A finger wiping away at your tears.

“But when he loves me I feel like I'm floating”

“And you can never be a burden to me, I enjoy tutoring you. The demon brothers are always either with you or around you, so spending time alone with you is a rarity.” He admits, a smile forming from his mouth. “Just take it easy, MC. You will get the hang of it in the long run, you have more days here with us in the devildom. 

“I… Thanks, Barbatos. I needed that…” You answered, sobs coming to a stop. Barbatos leaves the room for a minute and comes back with the tea and other snacks. “Here, drink this. It will help with the nerves.” he says, offering the porcelain cup to me. The taste of Chamomile enters your tastebuds, anxiety calming down as you sip the hot beverage. 

“When I start to tumble from the sky, You remind me how to fly”

Days later, you are seen walking around RAD, seemingly looking for someone with a big grin on your face. “Hey, Solomon!” you shout, approaching the white haired sorcerer. “Oh, hey, MC. You look excited, what’s up?” He said, “I’m just looking for Barbatos, I wanna show him my finals!” you exclaimed in glee. 

“Oh?” a familiar voice reaches your ears, “Barbs!” you squealed as the butler approached. “How did your midterms go? From the looks of it, it went well?” he asked, standing next to Solomon. 

You happily showed the two men the papers, all scoring above 90. “Wow! Impressive, especially for someone who has just been exposed to all of this in six months, you’ve even beat the scores of the other demon brothers” Solomon praised, a smile on his lips. 

“It's all thanks to Barbatos who helped me study,” you replied, looking at said man who was currently holding your papers. “Well done, MC. I knew you would do it. I’m proud of you” He smiled, an aura of pride that could rival Lucifer’s surrounded him. 

As Solomon left you two, Barbatos approached you and placed his hand on your head, giving you a head pat. 

“Well done, my love.” he whispered, love falling out of his words, leaving your heart fluttering. 

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six months on (albeit, a bit late) part 1/3

part one | part two | epilogue (at some point)

hello would you like a stupid-length run down of the final fifteen?

idk about anyone else, but i kinda find myself regularly in a position where i don't know what to think about the final fifteen. i flit from one explanation or opinion to another; there have been so many facets of this sequence discussed that ive even found myself turned around on what i actually think was going on... was aziraphale threatened? did he do a complete 180 on his character development throughout both seasons? does he genuinely buy what metatron is telling him? how does he take crowley's rejection to return to heaven with him?

so back to basics, and because im itching to stretch the meta-writing legs that isn't solely an ask response or a purely batshit speculation - and because throughout writing this, i anticipate that i might surprise myself on how, overall, i interpret the whole scene... going back to basics and simply rewatching the scene (and making copious notes) is in order! just don't expect this to be anything you've necessarily not seen before - there are no revelations in this post.

please also note that this is an incredibly long, winding, and abhorrently lengthy post. no im not actually sorry about it, i needed to write it all out for my own bloody sanity

shall we begin?

so first thing's first: metatron saying his first line as he did indicates that aziraphale has expressed some hesitation. might be his body language, or possibly he's even said as such - something along the lines of, 'id need to discuss it with crowley', or something as simple as, 'im not sure, i need to think'. either way, aziraphale certainly responds to the metatron in a way that would suggest he is excited... but definitely incredulous and nervous.

and as for the metatron terming it as 'good news'; he seems to think that he and aziraphale are on the same page, that they hold the same opinion on whatever they've talked about. given what he later says about crowley, however - plus the borderline-disparaging remarks about going his own way, the Evil Glare™, and how quickly he just accepts that crowley isn't going - suggest that he a) doesn't want crowley in heaven, and b) that he anticipates that crowley will, in fact, consider the offer to return to heaven as very much Bad News Bears, and summarily reject it.

aziraphale starts making his way back to the bookshop, and boy do those expressions tell a story. that is not a happy angel. as soon as he steps off the pavement, his face falls, and his brow tightens in nerves, worry, and possibly even confusion; that to me is a, 'how the fuck am i going to explain this, how am i even going to word it?'. there's a quick, fortifying breath, and he's squaring the shoulders just as he moves out of frame. getting fanciful, that is an angel that is practically steeling himself to do battle; he knows crowley isn't going to like this, knows that it's going to be a hard sell. but what is key is that he does all of this walking away from the metatron, where he can't see - if nothing else, it's a very different expression to the 'excitement' he showed just seconds earlier.

but then he gets into the bookshop, and that expression is gone. for whatever reason, he doesn't want crowley to see it either. he doesn't want crowley to see anything less than joy, confidence, or excitement - he doesn't want to let crowley see that something is wrong/amiss. we then see the metatron, after establishing that muriel might be an adequate replacement to look after the bookshop, look across the street and presumably have a clear view of the two of them in the shop itself.

now, let's talk about crowley for a sec. crowley is equally nervous, and we can presume that it stems from the conversation with nina and maggie - that he needs to start opening communication with aziraphale, especially if anything is to move forward... and the best place to start, we presume (because, ultimately, we don't know for certain what he was going to say or how he was going to word it in this moment) is to propose that he and aziraphale - if nothing else - truly become an 'us'. maybe there's a love confession in there, maybe not. regardless, he's fidgety, but resolute; he even swipes off his glasses to show how committed he is to diving headfirst into this vulnerability that he otherwise keeps under wraps.

aziraphale, whilst crowley is word-vomiting, is immediately starting off with hand movements to get him to slow down, to quieten down, or stop talking altogether. as he does so, he's looking right back out of the shop window, as if he's aware of metatron's reciprocal gaze in. he's doing so with a pretty sincere smile on his face, and that to me is saying a couple of things:

aziraphale, i think, from the moment he set foot in the shop and saw nina and maggie coming back out, possibly already knew where crowley was going with the conversation. he's just watched as crowley practically offered up alpha centauri to gabriel and beelzebub as a refuge, somewhere he's already expressed that he and aziraphale could go to escape the apocalypse. so; to aziraphale's mind, in crowley doing so, a) crowley has chosen to remain on earth come what may - otherwise he'd have kept his chosen prospective bolthole quiet, and b) in the context where crowley offers it to them, as a safe place for two hereditary enemies just like them to love each other in peace, aziraphale recognises that that might have been what crowley wanted for them too. ergo, to my mind, crowley's confession is not necessarily a surprise to aziraphale - i daresay he likely saw it coming

aziraphale does not jump in straight away to interrupt crowley, and nor does he do it with any harsh or abrupt language. he wants to revisit this conversation - literally the meaning of 'hold that thought' - but what he has to say takes precedence. and to be fair, depending on how we interpret the preceding scene with the metatron (and what is revealed in the flashback conversation), it is arguably a more pressing matter to discuss, especially if it concerns their respective safeties... but it's a conversation he wants to return to

that being said, if aziraphale does know that the confession is inbound, the fact that he would treat it as somewhat of a joking matter - especially given how uncomfortable and fervent crowley's own demeanour is - is a bit... nasty? aziraphale has definitely, on previous occasions, expressed flashes of superiority over crowley, but i don't think this is a situation where he does feel superior... not at all. instead, again, considering how he quickly cheers up his expression when he enters the shop, this to me is aziraphale trying to mask his own discomfort, panic, and worry. he's keeping this whole thing as light and airy as he possibly can.

we then move on to aziraphale telling crowley he has some "incredibly good news" to give him... which, okay, sure, it might be that aziraphale is anticipating it to be good news. but again, the expression outside the shop? if he was that confident that crowley would be jumping for joy at the merest suggestion of returning to heaven, the conflicted expressions of worry and trepidation would, presumably, not have happened. so, i once again can only take this line to be aziraphale trying to dress it up with excitement. and i say dress it up because... we've seen aziraphale beside himself with excitement, right? and this is not it. this (first two snips) is aziraphale being giddy with excitement, or at least a job well done, not the latter clip:

aziraphale is barely able to get the words out properly after this point, he's nigh incoherent, and his hand movements indicate he's practically frantic... someone who normally, even when nervous or uncomfortable, keeps his hands quite close to his body, clasped comfortingly in front of him or stiff at his sides. we then furthermore have what he seems to mouth in the midst of this flurry of movement and mumbling, which, yes, is speculation but i rather much stand by it so far... and as such, seems to match his expression outside of the bookshop of, 'what the fuck am i going to say'.

also worth noting, to his credit, that crowley is being remarkably patient throughout all of this - i think he potentially does recognise that something is amiss? the 'somethings wrong' voice? recognises that despite himself being interrupted from something really quite important, aziraphale is evidently... not himself.

what intrigues me however, before we get into the meat of aziraphale and metatron's conversation, is how aziraphale words this particular bit:

because aziraphale catches himself before he says something potentially rather offensive, and then turns it back on himself. for example: "i don't think he's as bad a fellow as he came across", or "-as we thought he was", compared to aziraphale then backtracking and owning that it was his fault, "i think i might have misjudged him!".

what does it matter if he calls out the metatron for having been an arse in s1? it was a perfectly fair assessment to make, by all accounts, and presumably one that he and crowley had a laugh/bitch over post-s1... why would he recount that particular line? it wouldn't change the sentiment, ultimately - that aziraphale is trying to convey to crowley that the metatron 'is actually kind of alright!' - and it's not like crowley would be offended either way... so, are we to assume that even if the metatron can't hear what he's saying (although i have further speculation on this too, by the by, but this is a little more tentative) aziraphale perhaps fears that he can? in much the same way that he only let his expression truly slip once his back was turned, out on the street?

but then we move onto the offer itself, and the conversation between him and the metatron. aziraphale starts getting into his stride, probably because now he's just simply recounting what actually happened, all supported by the flashbacks we get. aziraphale isn't having to lie, as far as we can tell - he's simply going over the conversation he had. let's break that down:

aziraphale initially seems quite relaxed to be sat opposite metatron, insomuch that he doesnt look overly tense. frankly, he just looks bored, wanting to get this over and done with, likely so he can head back to the bookshop and be left in peace. as he said before they left; he has made his position clear, he wants nothing to do with heaven (at least as it currently is), and this is just a courtesy, to hear out whatever the voice of god has to say. of course, metatron then blindsides aziraphale by saying that - of course - the only option to replace gabriel must be aziraphale.

what is noteworthy is how aziraphale says, "and i said... "me?!"... and he said-". because when we cut back to the flashback, aziraphale's expression has not changed at all. there's no excitement, but more just bafflement and shock... and not one that indicates he's in any way enthusiastic about the idea. the fact that aziraphale chooses to recount that particular 'me?!' the way he does to crowley suggests that he's, quite possibly, putting it on, playing the part, and deliberately overstating his initial reaction - almost like he's trying to hype crowley up in turn. furthermore - aside from all the handwaving and nervous huffs of laughter - aziraphale does not even blink throughout this whole spiel to crowley. just an observation.

metatron gives his bullshit rationalisation for choosing aziraphale - and i say bullshit because from their last interaction in s1, aziraphale arguably did not display much of the qualities that metatron purports he has... if any at all - and aziraphale visibly starts to subtly panic. there's the glance away, his shoulders stiffen, he swallows nervously, breathes heavily. when aziraphale does speak, it's immediately to declare that he doesn't want the position, doesn't want to go back to heaven full stop (very reminiscent of his reaction to the promotion offer in the cut 1800 scene), and gives the excuse of the coffee.

metatron then brings out Les Big Guns. before the metatron says anything else, and without so much as a hint from aziraphale, metatron oh so casually remarks that aziraphale would have the final say on who he works with. he already anticipates that aziraphale's hang-up about going back to heaven may not be in fact the coffee, and tbh may not in fact be anything to do with earth itself, but everything to do with crowley remaining on earth. crowley is however a demon, and in his current form would not be able to go to heaven (which in turn begs another observation - does metatron not know that crowley infiltrated heavily pretty easily earlier in the episode?... hmm).

as such, the obvious solution for the metatron is to drop the fact that he probably knows a lot more about aziraphale and crowley's historic dealings with each other than would otherwise be anticipated. he mentions that he has had the chance to peruse over... recordings? reports? photos? that show the span of aziraphale's relationship with crowley - and unspokenly suggests that he knows everything. and then he offers a very neat, tidy solution to that small 'hes a demon' snag. he tells aziraphale he would have the authority to restore crowley, so he could come with him.

aziraphale, whilst metatron is revealing the scope of his intelligence gathering, looks like he's about to burst into tears. to me? that is horror, and fear - like a frightened animal being suddenly backed into a corner. his eyes start darting everywhere, his face - especially his jaw - tenses, and he looks like he's about to leg it out of his chair at any given moment. and namely, once metatron tells him he could restore crowley to being an angel, we don't see aziraphale's resultant expression at all. it immediately cuts back to the bookshop.

why would aziraphale fear metatron knowing everything about him and crowley? this isn't clear. it may simply be residue fear, muscle memory, from years gone by where their association has had to exist in utmost secret. alternatively, it might be that aziraphale is not comfortable in the knowledge that not only does metatron want something from him (to return to heaven), but that metatron has very accurately landed on aziraphale's pressure point (crowley). this is what i mean when i say, as i have in previous posts, that i don't think there's a missing, overt threat from the metatron that we've not been shown, but that aziraphale feels threatened.

compare this to nearly every spy movie you've ever seen - you want someone to do something for you, but they're resistant? just casually drop that you know that their partner has just had a new haircut, or that their child looked happy going into school that morning, or that their parent is struggling to pay for their medical bills... it's sufficient information enough to instill a sense of peril without being an unclassy, hamfisted, overt threat.

my last thought on the flashbacks; as was said brilliantly in this post (@fearandhatred), i don't think the flashbacks were disingenuous, and i don't believe that there are gaps missing that will be revealed in s3. but i do think that there are some key things that aziraphale might not have actually told crowley in his recount of the conversation. crowley responds in his next line specifically to the offer of restoration... so, did aziraphale even tell him about the metatron knowing all about them? their "de facto partnership", their "previous exploits"? because personally, i don't think he did. once again - the narrative irony that we as the audience have the full story, but crowley potentially does not.

but anyway; back to the bookshop.

...okay, aziraphale. right. i mean, first of all, crowley is just as taken aback, shocked, and incredulous as aziraphale seems to have been during the flashbacks. but aziraphale? everything has slowed down, almost calmed, like the eye of the storm has passed over. he almost looks less manic, less (frankly) deranged, and seems to actually be settling in the fact that the offer itself might actually be a good thing - something that crowley might in fact want. it's still not quite right, he's still not quite acting in a way that makes me think aziraphale's being entirely forthcoming with crowley.

the way he says that crowley could "come back" is soft and gentle, as if he's granting the most amazing, positively astounding opportunity - that heaven is doing something that it has never (as far as we or aziraphale, presumably, is aware) done before, and welcoming crowley back... like it's equal parts forgiveness towards crowley for having done whatever he did (im deliberately trying to keep this concept very vague and objective), and apology to crowley for a punishment that far outweighed any possible 'crime' he could have committed... like heaven is attempting to make reparations for what they did to him in the fall.

putting this outside the main body because it's another slight tangent. we know that crowley being good, nice, and/or kind is not necessarily indicative that crowley should or ought to be an angel. there are shades of grey. however, i do think aziraphale... still has issues with that. still has issues with aligning what he thinks good is, how intrinsically important being good is to him, and then where crowley sits in the midst of all of it - almost like aziraphale accepts that he himself may be in the grey, accepts his shortcomings, but where crowley is concerned aziraphale readily glosses over a number of his... not-so-nice bits. this might stem from aziraphale believing that it's more palatable to love crowley if he believes him to essentially be an angel in all but name, but i don't think it's quite that. more that aziraphale maybe thinks that 'good' is the ideal to hold, that heaven is the place that was meant to be good, and that crowley himself is good... so... well, isn't it the logical conclusion that crowley would want to return to heaven?

so going back to this bit of the scene: i don't think aziraphale ever wanted crowley to revert back to factory settings, never even considered the notion, nor necessarily thought that crowley would be better as an angel... but instead perhaps that being an angel again is what crowley would want. that it would be nothing more, really, than a rubber stamp in his personnel file. i think aziraphale was simply remembering the angel that was joyful in creating, surrounded himself in the exaltation of imagining new and wonderful things, bringing them to life; why wouldn't, in its most basic essence, aziraphale want that for crowley again? for crowley to be back where - as far as aziraphale likely remembers - he was at his happiest? and if he has the power to give it, like the metatron said, isn't that the greatest gift aziraphale could ever bestow upon him?

if we accept, as the whole final fifteen scene is intimating pretty strongly thus far, that aziraphale is trying to keep his panic and fear about the whole situation under wraps from crowley, it simultaneously makes sense that he would offer this to crowley as if he's saying:

'here's a wonderful thing that im pretty certain you've always wanted; please, just this once, don't ask questions about anything else, please just concentrate on this, i can handle everything else. just please say yes to coming back with me, i need you to come back. you can be happy, and i can sort out heaven, so that one day we can just simply walk away and never have to look over our shoulders. i'm scared, but i don't really have a choice, and tbh im even more scared what might happen if i leave you behind.'

but as metatron, i think, clearly anticipates, and as i think aziraphale truthfully does too as he first heads into the bookshop, this was never going to be something that crowley would accept. it's not something crowley wants. crowley - for whatever reason (again, in the absence of knowing anything concrete about the fall, keeping this deliberately vague) - was rejected by heaven in the most literal sense possible. slapping him with an angel stamp and dressing him in a white suit means nothing of value to him, and is the furthest from what he wants; in fact, actually, if anything, it's the biggest insult he could be afforded. because what has suddenly made him redeemable, palatable, 'forgiveable', in the eyes of heaven? nothing; just that he's a pawn in whatever bargain the metatron is trying to strike with aziraphale... and from crowley's pov, aziraphale has agreed to using him as a game piece. it doesn't confer value onto crowley, if anything it reduces it; in this equation, even if he were to accept the offer, he'd essentially be nothing more than a negotiated benefit for aziraphale to take the job.

(and that's all assuming that restoration would in fact mean crowley gets to continue being him, albeit in fancy white clothes - when there's the very real possibility that, if restoration as a concept even exists at all, heaven would just wipe him and set him off from ground zero all over again. aziraphale seems to have taken the metatron's word for it; that restoration even exists, that aziraphale would have the power to do it, and that it would mean he gets to keep crowley exactly as he is).

at which point... crowley knows that aziraphale didn't turn down the offer in the metaphorical room - "and you told him just where he could stick it, then?"... he's hopeful, possibly, but his expression suggests that he fully anticipates that aziraphale has bought into the crock of shit that metatron has spun him. that aziraphale took the job on the provision that crowley could join him, which crowley points out to be beneath the both of them, "oh, we're better than that- you're better than that, angel!".

aziraphale however, as explained above, sees it as being the best, safest, most opportune option for them both to take; "not at all", said with the tone of surprise that it is, suggests that aziraphale didn't ever consider the possibility of saying no, maybe because he feels that he can't, and never thought that crowley would say no, either. along with the surprise tone however, he says it with a very tense expression - the smile has frozen, and his tense are gritted. it might be that he genuinely thought that crowley would say yes, or because - again, if he's in fear of being overheard - he's worried about the implications of what crowley has just said.

crowley goes on to rant that he turned down hell when beelzebub made a very similar offer to crowley in ep1 (which, by the by, he... didn't. for whatever reason, crowley did not say no, nor any variant of a refusal, to beelzebub), and aziraphale remarks that that's a given, as "you're the bad guys".

now... i wince at this particular line every time i watch the final fifteen, as im sure everyone else does, but i don't think it's - at all - meant in the way that crowley likely receives it. certainly not in the way that the majority of the audience seems to have received it.

im not set to diminish or invalidate, on crowley's part, how it must feel to hear aziraphale still consider him a 'bad guy', simply because he's a demon. but from aziraphale's perspective, crowley is a demon, and demons are of hell. hell are not the good guys, as a collective - as has been proven time and time again - and, well, if heaven are meant to be the good guys, hell are by process of elimination the bad guys. once again, aziraphale arrives a rather binary conclusion of good vs. evil.

but equally consider that this is also the aziraphale that regularly compliments crowley on his niceness and his good deeds. that same aziraphale does not think of crowley as 'a bad guy'. he is blunt that crowley is of hell, who are the collective bad guys, because hell is the bad side to the heaven that was meant to be the good side. and as said above - crowley is good! he's a good person! he might be a demon, of hell, but he belongs on the side of good! which leads to this lovely little number:

throughout this whole part of their discussion, aziraphale has presented as more and more sure, less panicky and nervous - because i think this is something that he absolutely believes. he might have initially not wanted anything to do with heaven, but now? with the possibility that crowley could join him? suddenly then it's viable... lucrative, even - that he could fix heaven, that crowley could help him do it, they'd be together, and they'd get their happy, safe ending. his expression on "good" would suggest his confusion that crowley doesn't appear to share the same opinion - sure, heaven is shit now, but it was always meant to be good, right?* doesn't crowley see that?

crowley, however, justifiably illustrates that, the way he sees it (and has been demonstrated by the narrative), both sides are as flawed and redundant as each other; aziraphale can be as optimistic as he likes that heaven is redeemable, is fixable, but all crowley can see is that both are so inherently awful, so rotten to the very foundation, that there is no saving them... heaven least of all, for being the side that purports itself to be good. hell, at least, is aware of its very nature; heaven is insidious, and doesn't even have the good grace to acknowledge it, instead chalking it up to being god's will, and therefore whatever they do must be good.

and with that, i think crowley simultaneously starts to really panic - knowing that he's losing aziraphale - and yet hopes against all hope that he's gotten through to him, changed his mind, and begins pleading with him to tell him the exact thing he wants to hear; 'this is a bad idea, please don't do this, please-'

aziraphale is visibly struggling to even collect his thoughts, to even find the words to summarise why he's going to do this. simultaneously, aziraphale is dumbfounded. i think part of that is because he recognises the truth in what crowley is saying, but i also think that he's now in a position where his plan to get crowley to come with him has failed, and he's at a loss for what to do - what to say - next. he looks from crowley, looks out the window, his mouth is working to try and say something, even looks down at his feet, before coming up with the best way he can to explain why he's doing this. "if im in charge... i can make a difference."

*because once again (i'll die on this hill), i don't think aziraphale thinks that heaven as it currently is, is something that is good, light, or truth... but that heaven's intended purpose was to be those things, and is what heaven in essence stands for... irrespective of whoever is in charge. aziraphale has no allegiance to heaven as it currently is. michael, uriel, sandalphon, gabriel when he was supreme archangel - all of them have corrupted heaven to be something that it was never meant to be. but aziraphale has to believe that heaven itself is redeemable, has to believe that there is something salvageable; if it weren't, does that mean that aziraphale in turn is not either of those things too? does that mean that aziraphale is not good? heaven is capable of great things, that could benefit everyone involved; so couldn't aziraphale, from all of the experience he's gained, do something to make heaven exactly that?

it doesn't mean that aziraphale is any more correct for this more nuanced assumption, but i think it poses there is a very fine line in aziraphale's thinking. to my mind, aziraphale is not backtracking on the entirety of what he's learnt since the beginning, he's not suddenly heaven's man again - but instead is recognising that heaven is broken as it currently is... and that he could potentially fix it. if anything, that recognition that what he thought was faultless actually needs fixing, and that he may be able to do it, because it's the right thing to do... is exactly the character development i was expecting? an angel who has himself been rejected time and time again for being who he is, without even the finality of falling, could actually be the key to making heaven something worthy of the name.

he has to take that opportunity, to be that change, but he doesn't want to leave crowley to do so. not only because, of course, he simply loves crowley and wants both, but if he does leave crowley, what could happen to crowley without aziraphale being in a position to protect him? what, for me, it all boils down to is that aziraphale thinks going to heaven is the right thing to do, but only entertained it seriously when a) crowley's name, and their relationship, was casually mentioned in a way that felt like metatron would use it as leverage, and b) crowley could potentially come with him. ultimately, the fact remains that crowley more important to him than heaven is.

let's return to the specific wording of 'make a difference'. it's... fairly neutral, right? make a difference for whom? what kind of difference? the difference that metatron was talking about, or the difference that, in the most idealistic scenario possible, aziraphale and crowley both would probably want to happen? it's carefully worded - and coupled with eeeeverything that i've said about how aziraphale acts with the metatron, how he was hiding his expression as he entered the shop, and then how aziraphale seems to backtrack on bitch-talking the metatron... look, i don't necessarily buy that aziraphale is trying to speak in a riddle or code that he knows crowley would understand, but i do wonder if he's now hoping that crowley will read between the lines. he can't outright tell crowley his suspicions, and was possibly trying to get crowley to come with him in a way that wouldn't alert crowley to anything amiss whatsoever... but now? now that crowley is resisting? he has to edge slightly closer towards transparency.

in the hypothetical scenario that aziraphale is fearful that they may be overheard, or observed, aziraphale has to be careful. he has to word whatever he says in such a way that he appears to be heaven's man, that he genuinely wants to take the opportunity to run heaven and the 'enormous projects' that are in planning, in a way that doesn't disclose to the metatron that aziraphale is in any way suspicious of him. to crowley, however, he has to convey that he isn't heaven's man, that he wants to change things that would mean that it be for the better, and do all of that whilst not alerting crowley that there may be danger. 'make a difference' suddenly has a double-meaning, because for whose benefit does aziraphale truly want to change things?

crowley then, bless his heart, bravely launches into his confession that he tried to start at the beginning, and i think he does so in an effort to be completely transparent on why he needs aziraphale to stay - an effort to convince him to remain with crowley for no other reason than that he wants to be with him... and now? now he's not even sure it'll work. he's tried demonstrating where heaven isn't worth the effort, to no avail, so now he's going for full vulnerability mode. honestly, what a trooper, he was so so brave

aziraphale throughout the confession is practically motionless. the manic energy has disappeared, and from the subtle flickers in his expression, i think he saw this coming - saw it coming from the moment that he saw crowley offer up alpha centauri to gabriel and beelzebub, and saw nina and maggie very surreptitiously leave the bookshop. i think to some degree, aziraphale knew at least the nature of what crowley was going to say, and as a result, he gets very nervous:

at the sheer mention of "group", aziraphale pointedly (to me, anyway) looks out of the window. generally, he looks shifty - avoiding eye contact, eyes flickering, heavy breathing - but it's so deliberate that he looks out of the window where, we can surmise, is the general environs of where the metatron is still waiting. again - the metatron saying "de facto partnership", and all of his allusions to knowing the true nature and extent of aziraphale's association with crowley, seems all the more sinister if this line - "a team- a group!" - is specifically when aziraphale's eyes betray his concern. i don't think he's necessarily scared that the metatron will overhear this bit, because ultimately the metatron has intimated that he already knows this, but crowley is, potentially, and very much unknowingly, placing them in even more danger by vocalising the exact nature of what he and aziraphale feel for each other.

i also want to remark on aziraphale's look of confusion when crowley says, "spent our existence pretending that we aren't". ive had many a thought on why aziraphale would look so perplexed, and only one kind of makes sense to me - that actually, within the last few years, aziraphale... wasn't pretending at all. crowley told him that they were on their own side in tadfield, something that may have taken a while, but ultimately aziraphale in the "so did i" demonstrates that he was fully on board with, and he's now spent a good portion of s2 trying to make 'their side' all the more meaningful... crowley was no longer going too fast for him, but instead he was trying to show crowley that he had caught up - felt free enough to match his speed.

that, for me, would make sense with crowley's next line, where he himself clarifies that actually, no - the last couple of years they weren't pretending like they were before. something changed after armageddon, and that was that they both were removed enough from heaven and hell that they could finally explore what 'us' might mean for them. crowley is consistently taken aback by what aziraphale intended to be overtures of closeness and adoration - the frequent touching, the bentley, the ball - because aziraphale was trying to demonstrate it with actions, rather than words. crowley previously showed aziraphale how he felt about him - the rescues, the dinners, the books - and aziraphale was trying to speak to him in a language that he thought crowley would understand.

but crowley then plays the card that he played before, and that even under better circumstances aziraphale would never accept; "if gabriel and beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can!". aziraphale didn't accept it - however much he might have selfishly, privately wanted to - in s1 under threat of armageddon, and it's certainly not an option now when the metatron is literally outside the door. again, if we accept that aziraphale has read the conversation he had with the metatron as some kind of subtle threat, legging it is absolutely not an option he can take. on one hand, he might not want to; aziraphale typically chooses, when his back is against the wall, to fight his way out, to push back. on the other... it's the same as the bandstand; where could they possibly go where heaven won't find them? if they even got that far, how long would they have to keep running? they would constantly have to look over their shoulders, and exist together as if it's something that should be hidden out of fear, and guilt, and shame.

it then makes sense that aziraphale suddenly finds movement as crowley in turn grows more frantic in them being "an 'us'!"; aziraphale starts quickly shaking his head, tearing up, at what crowley is saying. crowley tries stoicly to cajole aziraphale into agreeing, because surely this time he will. aziraphale however strides right up to him, and counters again that he and crowley can be together, can be an 'us', but why can't it be in heaven? neither of them are denying what they want from the other. aziraphale then goes on to lay out exactly how it could work, that he could "run it, [crowley'll] be [his] second-in-command".

i know that a lot of people take issue with this line, because it suggests that aziraphale is claiming superiority, and relegating crowley to the oh-so-lowly deputy position... but tbh, i just can't see it like that. i have no doubt that crowley might see it like that (re: what i said above about crowley potentially seeing the restoration as an insult, because it's only offered not in recognition of crowley himself, but instead as a consolatory benefit of aziraphale taking the offer) but i just simply cannot fathom that aziraphale would ever mean it like that. because look - they haven't even gotten out the door, and already aziraphale has it all planned out. he'd bypass the other archangels not only to take the top position himself, at the metatron's behest, but he'd immediately use that power to install crowley right by his side. he's not offering crowley to just return to his lab/office cubicle as an angel, and once-in-a-blue-moon see aziraphale when he maybe had the time; he's already scheming to give crowley one of the most powerful positions he possibly can. he wants to place crowley in a position not only where aziraphale can always protect him, but it also shows that he trusts crowley more implicitly than any other being, and is frankly offering to fix heaven to be one that crowley would want to see. that crowley could have direct input in building. one that is good enough to have him.

aziraphale solidifies this with "we can make a difference". note the pronoun shift from before? and how he half-whispers it to crowley, fervent and desperate for crowley to see exactly what they could do together? notice how aziraphale isn't scanning around him at the windows anymore? to me, this is the real motivation, right here. metatron is giving both of them an opportunity for them to play their own game; aziraphale is prepared to take it, but wants crowley by side - as a team - when he does... why wouldn't crowley?

okay im going to cheat here slightly and direct you to this, because my thoughts on this are pretty much still the same. it's apt that this is the nail in the coffin as far as this conversation goes, because for me it's the main (only?) instance in which the two of them are both entirely candid in what they're saying, hoping the other understands, and yet the two meanings miss each other completely. everything else has been a conflict in beliefs or ideals, but this? this is The miscommunication.

crowley is saying: 'this bookshop means so much to you, and it means so much to me too. you even said it was ours, not just yours; it represents where we both felt most safe, where we could be entirely ourselves and not fear or worry about anything going on outside it. you gave me a home in this place, with you - you can't just leave it like it's nothing, you can't just leave 'us' like it's nothing, you can't just leave me like im nothing.'

aziraphale is saying: 'this bookshop means so much to me, it's true, but in a thousand years - even maybe a hundred years - it will be little more than rubble. it represents what i used to treasure more than anything, because it was what i took pleasure in, and i could be myself. it was ours, but really all it is, is little more than paper, glass, and brick. you are my home, and you are more important than a building with windows and a creaky front door. being together, being safe, is all i want, and is all that matters.'

all of that is summed up nicely in crowley just... letting all the fight drain out of his body. tilts his head back, in that famous nod of, 'oh right okay, i see what you're saying'. wills the tears not to fall; to him, aziraphale has just rejected everything that crowley thought aziraphale held dear - including himself. nothing lasts forever, including them... when what aziraphale is saying is that nothing lasts forever, but they could.

crowley puts his shield back on, the sunglasses back in their usual place. aziraphale sees him do so, and has the faintest, hopeful smile on his face; because he thinks that crowley has finally gotten what aziraphale was trying to convey to him - and so, now, they're going to leave the shop together, go to heaven together, and work together to fix heaven into what it always should have been... and along the way, grant them the freedom to do whatever the hell they want to do, and do it in peace. crowley however shatters that; he steps out from around aziraphale, and wishes him luck... and aziraphale realises that they are not in fact on the same page, and actually now whatever was holding on by a thread might have finally snapped.

*

okay look if you've made it this far - first of all how and why, you madman, this was stupidly long and convoluted... but also many kisses of gratitude unto you for sticking it out this long. i'm planning (if the dopamine gods remain with me) on doing a part 2 where i look at the last bit of the domestic, and the kiss, again - to see what i unearth there too, but thoughts so far:

aziraphale feels under threat from the metatron, and has to prioritise acquiescing to his request on pain of [redacted]

but he also knows that if the metatron knows that crowley is his pressure point, his only option is to try to a) convince the metatron that he (aziraphale) is completely on board, and docile, and b) convince crowley to come back with him, not only for his safety but also so they can be together, and because actually, to aziraphale's mind, the offer is a good thing, possibly something crowley has always secretly wanted, and crowley deserves it

alongside feeling threatened, aziraphale is wary that the metatron may be able to observe/hear their conversation. he therefore cannot say anything that would antagonise the metatron, cannot say anything that would suggest that aziraphale knows that the metatron is a Big Bad, and cannot let crowley in on the truth because crowley would question it too hard and endanger them both

aziraphale knows that crowley is about to confess his feelings, or something of a similar sentiment. aziraphale wants to hear it, but only when he can be sure that crowley will come back to heaven with him, where he can be safe in a position of power, right by aziraphale's side

when crowley begins to resist the idea, and battles back with a plan of this own for them to be together, aziraphale a) has to impress upon him that going back to heaven, and potentially fixing it in their image (lmao god complex much, aziraphale?) is the right thing to do, especially if they are to have any kind of future together, and b) has to do so, again, in a way that won't alert crowley that something more nefarious might be going on. regardless, they both operate on the understanding that they want to be together

however. the one major miscommunication in the entire part of the first sequence is "nothing lasts forever" - this particular part is practically the repeat of the different exactlies from episode 1

ok bye

[raayllum]

how long would you say you've actively shipped any of your favorite ships? - im curious specifically about sorvus, sorpeli, and claudiez

I wouldn't say Sorvus is one of my faves even if I do 1) love Soren and Corvus individually, 2) Corvus is one of my favourite side characters in the whole show (like top 5) and 3) I do really like them! That being said:

Canon

For the bulk of TDP ships, canon-wise, I shipped them as their relationships were revealed (aka Harrow/Sarai with the info we got in S1, Claudia/Terry with the info we get in S4, Runaan/Ethari back when he was known as 'Tinker' thanks to the S1 credit sketch, etc).

For Janaya, I shipped them from the first time they met in S2, since "rival intellectually and physically matched generals on the battlefield" along with both being very pretty is a decently long-ish homoerotic trend in literature (aka a production I saw of "Coriolanus" really leaned in on it, although I think I saw that pre-S2's release. Applies though)

For Rayllum, I shipped them pre-show even if I was also down to brotp them. They'd be travelling together, thus having plenty of time to develop an interesting dynamic / were around the same age, and the screencap released before the premiere of them sitting under the tree (Callum, distracted but eager, and Rayla, exasperated and fond) really drew me in since that's a ship type - dynamic and gender wise (I don't tend to love ships where the guy is the more grumpy/guarded one, I think, since women are so often forced to do More of the emotional labour in relationships Anyway) - I'm already Very susceptible to. I tried to hold off a little bit in early S1 cause I didn't want to ship them too hard, but then 1x05 came along with the boat scene and it was Over for me. They've had my heart ever since (5 years going on forever)

Requested Rarepairs

Sorvus

So I didn't really ship Sorvus (although I was never opposed to them) for the majority of the time post-S3. I didn't really ship Soren with anyone and preferred Gren/Corvus at that time (due to their personalities / closer dynamic to Amaya and therefore each other) as well as enjoying Corvus/Opeli. However I was also really hoping that Corvus would stay on the council/with Ezran, and figured that if Soren was going to end up with anyone, Corvus was probably the most realistic choice (shared goals, decent development, timeskip to help things, similar ages).

That said I still didn't actively ship them (like I didn't mind them but was completely impassive/neutral y'know?) until I wrote an interaction between them in "if heaven and hell decide" (a canon divergent S2 where Claudia and Soren decide to delay their betrayal of the trio, and therefore travel with them for much longer) and the fact that Corvus would see Soren at his worst in canon (S2) but also see and appreciate who Soren was becoming... I started to turn a corner and grew to ship them a lot more. I'm really excited for them to eventually be canon, it seems, even if they're not My Endgame for either character In My Head for years-post war, at least for now.

Claudiez

For aged up Claudia/Ezran, I think this post (dated July 2021) was when I started to ship these two. There was something about the interplay of Claudia telling Callum about Harrow's death, but he only seeks out comfort from Rayla, and Ezran rejecting Rayla's offered comfort about Harrow and instead accepting it from Claudia, that felt very apt to me? And then a couple weeks later I wrote my formal "I actually do ship Claudiez and here's why" meta so it's been a few years now!

Both the younger sibling uniquely given their father's mantle to carry in ways their older brother just doesn't have to; Ezran being connected to all nature while Claudia continually perverts it, thus Ezran having the relationship to nature that she needs to learn/acquire for her own healing additionally; they both see the throne as a tool to help and breaking their fathers' cycles with each other; the childhood friends to enemies to friends to lovers of an according slow burn because of said age gap; ending up as Queen of Katolis but not the way her father imagined and ending up with one of the brothers, just not the one everyone previously expected; Ezran getting to grow up and into his own and assert his independence and choices (no matter what his brother thinks about it), etc. I also think personality wise they suit each other - Terry's parallels to Ezran in personality are some of the reasons I think Clauderry works at least as a short term pairing.

It's also kinda perfect bc, since they'd only get together like 10-15 years post the end of the show Anyway, so like. they're Endgame to me no matter what and there's nothing canon can really do about it, #improvise adapt overcome.

Sorpeli

This probably started out as the truest crack ship because it started as a joke of like, Soren flirting with her at 20 and easy to dismiss and then again when he's 30 and Opeli is like "I deserve a little fun," so they start having a physical fling, and then catch feelings (Soren falls first, she falls harder). The earliest post I have for them is from May 6th 2023 but I know realistically I'd probably shipped them for a lot longer (what can I say, younger men not being put off my older women aging bc society is bullshit, and contrasting personalities + devoted man & woman who feels undeserving will always get me) before I ever had mind to say anything. Then I dragged @jelzorz into it and the rest, they say, is history. So like 1.5 years at least now?

I'd probably be even more into Sorpeli than I already am but I'm not unconvinced that Opeli won't die (I really hope she doesn't, but I do understand how it could benefit Ezran's narrative in particular) but like if all seasons pass by and she's alive? Canon crack quartet with Endgame Rayllum, Claudiez, Sorpeli, and CorTerry is a go <3

TLDR;

Rayllum before the show started, Janaya in S2, everything else when the ships got introduced, then next we have Claudiez (July 2021), Sorvus (casually since Oct 2021), and Sorpeli (late 2022/early 2023).