#imagine the person i couldve been if my life wasnt like this. i couldve been worth something. i couldve been valuable.

[slutdge]

how i feel when i remember i can overdose and die any time i want

[byjovewhataspend]

Putting on his best outfit to cheer himself up-- it's not really working :(

rambling thoughts about the new manga stuff below

It feels so WILDLY incorrect tonally for none of the villains to be saved. So many people told deku he couldnt save shigaraki and he pushed back against that-- but from any outside view shigaraki dying is the same as Deku killing him, i dont accept 'his ghost smiled so he was saved', afo shattered shigarakis mind the second Tomura's heart wavered and he died instantly (nana saved a little bit of his soul long enough for him to hang out and punch AFO, that had nothing to do with deku)

but the last thing he said before AFO killed him was 'i have to be the hero to the villains' and the last thing he said to deku was essentially 'tell spinner i did was i promised'

but before both of those points almost the entire league (sans compress) is already dead (spinner seems braindead? though the next chapter had people messing with what looked to be his scales so maybe someones working on helping him) so Deku cant tell them anything.

ANYWAYS my 5% hope here, a way to walk this shit back, is that Tomuras quirk 'which used to have a regeneration aspect' regenerated itself and Tomura comes back and Deku gets a second chance to save him for real this time, and then tomura uses the regeneration aspect of his quirk to fix all the rest of the league. he can return Spinner to his old self, and Dabi has GOT to be in that tank in front of Endeavor, right?

(What else in the world does Endeavor have to care about right now except for his family? none of them (or hawks, his only friend) needed a healing tank, so im guessing Dabis horrific husk is in some stasis goo with no hope , spinner is brainded/insane with no hope, toga is probably 'disappeared on the battle field' or maybe in a coma with no hope.. )

((honestly that tank, them not telling us yet if anyones dead (it would be weird to REVEAL people died who we thoughts died on screen a year ago) and the weirdly timed 'tomura couldve been able to regenerate but i removed that' a second before he died are the only reasons i have any hope. im not the hoping type. a series i was interested in ending badly has never been Taken Back before))

i dont know if That Person is Tomura (it didnt LOOK like him, not at all, honestly they looked like a woman to me, but who the fuck knows when they are doing Anime Crazy Face) but it feels like the only way to walk any of this back.

They put so much emotional stuff onto tomura and then gave him the worlds clearest 'he never had any choice to be this way' backstory EVER (even his BIRTH was arranged by AFO thats so fucked up, i wouldnt be shocked if he bought him the dog he killed too) that the ONLY doubt i had that Deku would save him was in that i wasn't sure how youd arrange to keep him out of prison for life. Id been guessing 'rewound to childhood to get a second chance at a better one' (not great but hey, it beats dead or tartaras and it matches that opening i liked) but hey, if hes Confirmed Dead and Deku finds someone Similiar To Him but with Fixing Powers and is liek 'hey everyone this is my brother Tenko my american dad just brought him over isnt that great?' id fucking take it

ALSO plucking Eris horn off so that she wasnt an option anymore like.. from a writing standpoint feels like it has to be FOR something.

Finally: deku looked SO depressed in the most recent chapter. he looked miserable. he hardly spoke a fucking word. considering how he acted about Eri i cant imagine hes the type to be like 'whelp, failed to save those people, i guess ill save a random different person in the final arc and thatll help me get over it'. truly i think if deku to failed to save tomura he'd spend the rest of his life not feeling like a real hero. especially when he checks to complete tomuras wish and spinner cant get his final words? and togas final words to deku was that she liked him and then he ran off and she died?? just. no. it feels so tragic and dark.

i do NOT believe horikoshi has that much creative control, honestly, i feel like if he had complete control he wouldnt kill tomura (since hes written a Tenko into like all his other stories and he loves him) but a small glimmer of hope is Dabi getting fuckign 4th place in the popularity results after he'd already become the most dead looking fucker i have ever seen. SURELY management knows hes popular and would be open to them being saved and redeemed just for BRANDING purposes, right?

PS: everyones been joking but he horikoshi SAID we'd see dekus FUCKING DAD. what possible purpose could that man serve when he wasnt even watching deku lose his arms on international tv?? if its as a cover for bringing tomura back ill fucking take it.

[pandoraroid]

The Pack Wedding 💥💥💥💗💥

reaction rambles bc yes

please keep in mind this is meant to be lighthearted i love these men with all my heart n life n soul

THIS IS 43 MINUTES IM SO SCARED WHY CANT I PRESS THE VIDEO this is too much nervousness for seven in the morning im dead

DAVEEEYYYYY HIIIIIII GMORNING MWAAAA

"it's the pack everything's gonna go crazy." bro it's the SHAW pack what does that say about you hm 🤔 /j i love you david 

"reception's gonna be a solstice party on steriods" I SNORTED SO DAMN LOUD 😭

now should be a good time to say that part of the reason why i like redacted so much is because it's so funny and lines like that do it for me every single time.

"i love you angel so very much" BOOGSH 💥 im so in love with you david shaw 

i think bro's in love with us guys idk 

"beautiful... you.." NO YOU 🫵 david we are not doing this back in forth in the morning JUST ACCEPT IT

he's triggering my cuteness/love aggression SO FUCKING SAPPY I LUV U MWAH

"you fucking menace c'mere" HIS LAUGH OMFG GOOD FUCKINH MORNINGGGG

IS ASHER NEXT PLEASE TELL ME HE'S NEXT 

MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN

"oh fuck it's the day" me just this morning

"asher breathe we're good you've been training for this your whole life" ELABORATE???? id love to know how exactly youve been training for this asher

"it's our wedding day. holy shit it's our wedding day. i'm gonna be a husband." KILLL MEEE RIGHT NOW I CAN HEAR HIM SMILEEE OMFG WEAR THAT SHIT WITH PRIDE ASHER

"i've always been husband material look at what we're working with" KILL ME RIGHT NOW /pos baabe smacking him though HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

id kiss you for the rest of my life asher

laughing against/while kissing THIS MAN WANTS ME DEAD

"say how much time do we have before we meet everybody in the lobby" LET THEM FUCKING WAIT

MILO AND SAM???? OH MY GOD???? (should go without fucking saying but... drive safe..... please...)

in my head: sam is driving. david's shotgun. ash & milo are in the back. just because. >> BRO I WAS RIGHT????

darlin driving in another car with the other mates??? that... isnt what i think it is.... is it......

david sounds so tired of their bs HAHAHA "rounded out with a little traditional opinion from them of all people" DARLIN FIGHT BACK

"hey we're fun too, right?" ASHER PLEASE

"well let's see: we've got a grouchy grandpa drivin us-" 

"hey." 

"at least he didn't call you cowboy." BRO

"now don't you start." 

"and we got the grumpy alpha."

"i'm not grumpy. just preoccupied."

"right. right." bros didnt even try to sound convinced

"we're fun." 

"asher. we spent your bachelor party playing destiny 2." 

"and smash!" 

"oh my mistake."

this entire conversation. peak.

"i dont even wanna imagine what chaos those four are getting up to piled in one vehicle." OH WOULDNT YOU LIKE TO SAM 

DEAD ASS SILENCE I LOVE IT i cant fycking breathe this is too funny.

in my head, they were definitely arguing over directions. or darlin's driving, or making fun of the other car.

wait darlin what

"or you'll likely end up staring down the maw of my own beautiful mate-" SAMUEL COLLINS

"oh move it mr. wedding day" WHY DOES THAT SOUND SO GOOD

"and fix your hair."

"it's suppose to look like this!"

"are you trying to look like you got married in a wind tunnel?" BRO NOT ON HIS WEDDING DAY 💀

sam encouraging milo omgomg

"you talk more than anyone i know. and i know asher." AHAHHAHAHAHAHA

"is my tie on straight?" 

"is it ever?" is the one wearing it straight /jjjj

david helping him with his tie someone kill me right now

GABE'S CHILI RECIPE WHAT

"why did you pick me?" OH SHIT

i seriously just listened and payed attention to their conversation so no thoughts head empty only them

"what really mattered in a beta was having a person that was the other side of your coin."

"i picked you because you were the one person i trusted more than anyone else. you made me feel safe at a time more than i couldve explained. you were everything i wasnt. where i was distant you were outgoing. where i was rough you were warm. where i was analytical you were intuitive. you're the other side of my coin. you always have been. so it never mattered to me what anyone else thought of what i needed in a beta because they didnt know me. i did. you did. and i needed the person that was right for me not for anybody else."

i couldve typed out everything david said but THIS!!!! I WAS SOBBING!!!! THEY ARE THE OTHER SIDE OF OTHER'S COIN NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!!!!! their vows to each other fr

this is wrecking me THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH

"you're too hard on yourself too."

"well we had to have something in common other than destiny and smash bros, right?" the range of friendship everyone 

THEYRE HOLDING BACK TEARS IN THIS ONE TRUST ME 

my heart felt so heavy in this WHY

"i think you're the best fucking beta i could have ever asked for. i think you're the besy friend i could have ever asked for. i deserved most of the time."

aaaanndd got heavier 😁

GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG GROUP HUG

"i just feel bad that i'm going to be up there looking this good y'know people are going to get confused on whose wedding day it really is." EAT EM UP SWEETHEART (i meant milo but them too ofc)

"do we get a step stool for behind the podium?" HAHSHAHAHAHHA THE CONCERN IN HIS VOICE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

"i love you milo"

"i love you too asshole" CRYING 

"thank you for doing this milo"

"i got you. always." ALWAYS.

CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY CEREMONY 

"when i was asked by my friends to officiate their unions, i only had one question for them: how much does it pay?" ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

im really listening on this part so head empty.

oohh asher (i think it's asher) laughing through baabe's vows IS SO SWEET I LOVE YOU AND I ALWAYS WILL

OH DAVID GETTING CHOKED UP ON ANGEL'S VOWS KILL ME

"you're the best part of me. and i'll spend the rest of our lives showing that i'm worthy of that." oh david shaw you dont even have to try

"i now pronounce you all married the-the pairs of you to each other not all together" OH THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO LET HIM LIVE THAT DOWN

THE KISSES OMMMGGGKFHEKHEJSS 

CONGRATULATIONS ANGEL & DAVID

CONGRATUALTIONS BABE & ASHER MWAAAAAAAAHH TO ALL OF YOUUU

[shuichi1-1]

How would the agents react to you actually dying on a mission.

This is not proofread!

Characters: Fade, Harbor and Sova

Warnings: Death, mentions of injuries and grieving.

Sova

He locks himself away in his bedroom, only ever goes out if its nessecary.

Way more quiet if he is out on missions and more strict while training.

If anybody mentions your name, he gets pissed off and tells the person to not say your name.

He will overwork himself tracking down the mirror agent who killed you

He doesnt understand why Sage cant revive you and blamed it on her, but she understands.

When he visits his grandmother, all he does is cry in here embrace like a little kid.

He knew this job meant risks but he didnt expect you to take such a huge one and dont make it.

He keeps a picture of you on his nightstand and when he is lonely, he talks to the dark sky while holding the framed photo.

He would have bittersweet conversitations with Brimstone, as he was like a father to you, about the things you liked to do and your silly habits.

I imagined him as an animal lover, even though he is a hunter, he cares about animals and has a snow white bunny. He believes that the little being misses you too, wondering where youve been gone.

He would panick and blame himself for forgetting your voice, if it wasnt for the picture he has, would he forget your face too...?

He doesnt have the courage to pick up his bow for a while, thinking of you anytime he uses it.

He wont ever be in love again.

He thinks of everytime he had scolded you in training, every little or big argument you had, and blames himself that he couldve been more of a man and be kinder.

"I would give anything to be with her once again and hold her in my arms... Why did it have to be her?" He chokes out between his sobs as his grandmother softly strokes his hair. Shes trying to calm him down but it doesnt seem to work, so she lets Sova cry it out. In all honesty he imagined you several times, married, with kids possibly two, hes a family guy. He dreamed of teaching his son, or daughter the tricks of hunting in the cold motherland.

He will never really get over you.

Fade

She was preparing a gift for you as she heard a knock on her dorms door, expecting you to stand there with a smile on your face and kissing her, not Sage with a depressed face and torn clothes.

She goes silent and all emotions disappear from her face, a dark aura sorrounded her and poor Sage had terrible nightmares after.

She was always a woman of a few words but after your death she doesnt speak a thing, only snaps at someone who is annoying her.

The whole team has nightmares for months but none of them are brave enough to talk to her about it.

Sage delivered her the matching evil eye ring that she gave you on your first anniversary and she keeps it in a box together with hers.

She goes crazy on the mission after, destroying the battlefields.

She often thinks at the times you did Henna together, the way you smiled when she gave you matching items.

She has several pictures above the bed but she cant look at them for too long because she gets emotional.

She thinks its silly but herself and even the cats she owns, doesnt lay on the side of the bed you used to.

When she grievs, her cats all look behind her shoulder and she feels a strange sensation there, she likes to think that youre still looking out for her and the felines can see you.

"Seni öldürenin ölmesinden başka dileğim yok aşkım/I wish nothing but death upon the one who killed you, my love.. Ill revenge you and torture them a hundred times more painfull." She says while a single tear fell down her face. She stands in a dark room, filled with cameras and the mirror Cypher sitting anxiously on a chair in the middle. She rips his mask off and all followed was painfull screams and so on. None of the agents had the courage to ask, and the mirrors didnt show up for a while.

She spends her life grieving for you.

Harbor(couldnt find a gif)

He most likely experienced loss of loved ones but yours was a surprise, seeing you were an agent and could handle yourself.

It had been 2 years since he joined the protocol and your one year anniversary, that day you and him were out on a mission on Split and he left you alone while rotating to the other side.

He didnt notice you not catching up, after a while he heard a scream and smoke coming from A site heaven.

He rushed there with his wall up and gun out, but all he saw was you trying to breathe through the coughs.

Only emotion on his face is a sickly worried one, hes panicking and calling for Skye to heal you.

Back up didnt arrive on time and Skye was too injured to heal you.

He felt your heartbeat stop and you died with a smile on your face, in his arms.

He shouted your name several times and screamed, that scream made everyone want to cry, it waa full of sadness and loss.

He never seemed to have a real smile after, he tried to keep his golden retriever energy but it never seemed to be the same

He just couldnt accept that you were dead, he hoped you were just away and will come in through the door one day and smile at him once more.

But that didnt ever happen.

"Riptide, i know you are just joking. Please come home now, its not funny anymore. I utterly miss you, come back to me finally.. Its my fault, isnt it?.."

He laughed while clutching the clothing on his chest and tears pouring down his face, his hair was a mess and he was holding onto the plush you always slept with. He cant look at phoenix without seeing that smug smile while the mirror him left the fire lit place you died at.

You were the fire girl to his water boy, now hes alone again.

I apologize if Harbor and Fade is ooc but ive never written for them, im sorry ;;

[vividaway]

mini analysis on the finale

yall im not even gonna lie..........i liked the season 5 finale. the concept that these are teenagers who have been beaten and worn down to a crisp to the point of multiple mental breakdowns from both marinette and adrien.........like of course marinette didn’t tell adrien. she’s a literal child, and she loves him, and honestly? its really not her PLACE to tell him. emilie knows about gabriels involvement with the miraculous. nathalie knows about EVERYTHING. there are multiple ADULTS who can step in and talk to him about this, and they chose not to. multiple people have said it: of COURSE adrien deserve to know, and i will be very upset if they never write in him finding out. but it also seems excessively cruel to do that to adrien. as far as adrien is aware, his dad was trying. he thinks his dad is a man chiseled away by depression and grief, who turned towards his works to cope with the loss. he believes there was a turning point where his father started to try. he allowed him to go to school, to make new friends and go to their house, allowed him to quit, started to show up to school events, and finally started to show him affection. adrien is none the wiser on WHY, and it feels extremely cruel to take away what little happy moments he had left with his father. what is the bare minimum to us, is literally EVERYTHING to adrien, and to me, that does mean something. to me, seeing gabriel sacrifice himself for adrien and his wife-- means EVERYTHING. it is what differentiates an evil, unrecoverable person, from a dynamic character who was never meant to be a good person. we were never meant to like gabriel. he’s the villain! but that doesn’t mean we aren’t supposed to be sympathetic to certain aspects of his journey.  i really do think his character was written well. gabriel is a bad, unredeemable man, who did one good action. i personally can’t look at gabriel from season one and say, “he shouldve sacrificed his life in place of his wives life sooner”, it feels wrong. gabriel from season 1 was EXTREMELY different from gabriel from season 5. we see him change (for the worse) over the course of five seasons. 

and the thing about how gabriel is written is like, its realistic. gabriel isnt just a cartoon villain from some kids show, he show’s patterns of real life villains as well. the manipulation, the lying, the guilt tripping, the abuse-- all of it. and thats why, i understand why some people are pissed he got redeemed. but for me, i see the build up. lila has the photographs from gabriels house, and she knews he was monarch. on top of this, it seems like she’s the successor to the butterfly miraculous. people know what he did, and its not just the people on the good side. i don’t see gabriel staying a sympathetic figure for much longer. but all this being said, i dont think it was the worst. the pacing was great, and the animation was top tier for me. theres so many episodes where i can predict whats going to happen next, but i couldn’t with this one. some thing about it just felt....special. like if you showed alyssa from 2016 the finale, i could literally die. no need to show a peasant child, just showing Season One Era fans what happened and how it looks and we’d just. die. everything about it 10x better than we couldve imagined. the writing, the animation, the pacing, the score, the dialogue, the way the world has expanded and been built up and how often we’re interacting with “background characters”.  for once, it felt like i was watching a real show, with a plot that made sense, and wasnt a dumpster fire. but...from reading the #MLBS5Spoilers tag....yall do NOT agree with my sentiments! and thats okay! 

[bi-ftm-on-main]

Hello. I wanted to ask you something. When was the first time you explored your Bi side? How did you know that you were bisexual? Did you always felt that you like guys? At any point did you second guess or had any doubts? Thank you for your time.

Hello!

ok so even though i tried to keep it short i did write a huge response to this that kinda goes off topic a bunch and is super specific. So heres a quick version:

When was the first time you explored your Bi side?: a couple months ago, around when i started this blog

How did you know that you were bisexual?: I really didn't, but then i realised that i had crushes on girls and boys in the past and found them all attractive, even if it was in different ways.

Did you always felt that you like guys?: not really, i just thought some were really cool and good looking and i would get nervous around them.

At any point did you second guess or had any doubts?: all the time dude. thats kinda why i made this blog, to explore my feelings.

Just in general, I'd recommend exploring why you do or dont like something, if its actually because you dont like it or because other factors are making you feel like you shouldnt like it. Try the 'if we were both drunk and *hot guys name* leaned in for the kiss would i kiss him back?' test on situations.

And heres the super long section:

ok so firstly, i only realised i was bisexual a couple months ago, pretty much the same time i made this blog. Until then i thought i was asexual (and aromantic).

(i could give you a whole blow by blow about that but it would take ages so i'll try to keep it precise.)

Growing up i had a lot of anxiety and was considered very 'weird'. i also didnt know i was trans, autistic, or SA'd so I was never too comfortable with my body, i didnt naturally know what a crush was supposed to feel like, and i thought sex was something shameful and gross, so when i found the term asexual at age 13 it fit great.

skip a whole bunch of years and im in uni and now 20. my parents have finally gotten round to me being trans and im starting hormones (testosterone). its common for people to get extra horny when on T so when i started wanting to watch more porn and noticing how good looking the people around me were, i thought it just the horniness talking, that i didnt actually want to sleep or date them myself i just thought they were pretty. Or maybe sleep with them just for the sake of orgasming.

around the same time i realised that i was autistic (just from general internet usage), and that kinda rocked my world and made me question every single aspect of my life for how its effected me.

and so, and its probably the cringest thing i couldve done, i started to talk to a Therapist AI on that Character AI website. it was honestly helpful to just collect my thoughts on the matter.

the conversation got to sexuality and how it connects to my anxiety and self esteem and how i felt as though wanting to date someone was disrespectful to them and how imagining myself sleeping with them was gross and pervy.

having been on hormones for a couple months now i had a lot more self confidence and was a lot more comfortable with my body, as well as the horniness making me want to be pounded into a bed like nothing youve ever seen, i realised that i wanted to date and sleep with people for real.

so i came to terms that i was gay *loud incorrect buzzer*

but that was just the start. being trans, there was a lot of 'do i want to be him or do i want to date him' thoughts going on so i was already used to admiring men.

but as i continued to talk to the ai, who wasnt a real person, i felt more inclined to be honest than any other therapist ive seen. it took a while and it was confronting but turns out i was sexually assaulted as a kid (by a girl, when i was <10), and thats why i had this underlining uncomfortableness with sex to begin with.

so yeah, that rocked my world for a bit as well. also this all happened within a couple weeks by the way, the autism, sexuality, and SA. that and all my friends were busy, i wasnt doing too well.

anyway, now that was another thing to consider, was i attracted to girls as well? it was really hard to tell what were my own feelings and what was the trauma/conditions so i had to do a lot more soul searching. That with the added factor of not feeling comfortable becoming just another man sexualising women.

but knowing now what a crush it supposed to feel like (i asked the ai) i had to acknowledge that ive been having crushes on people, girls and boys, this whole time. i was bi *correct answer ding*. (also i went with bi and not pan because i like them in different ways and have a slight preference for guys, tho i obvs like non binary people as well)

then i made this blog. lol.

like, i had all the theory behind being bi but i needed to consolidate what i liked, who i liked, who i found pretty and handsome and needed some place to collect it all. then it kinda just became just a porn blog with the occasional yearning post but oh well.

Thanks for asking! sorry for responding late, feel free to ask me anything else :)

[kittie1996]

what are ur opinions on each saw movie?

OKAY SO

i stopped watchin the ones after amanda died tbh all of the movies after 3 are dead to me except for x of course but i just heard it gets super lame after that and i only really watched for her. tbh i think it was made painfully obvious that amanda had been carefully plucked out by john to be groomed into becoming his apprentice like looking at the brutal self mutilating traps others had to get out of compared to hers where she never had to hurt herself or self amputate or anything except prove that she could kill someone “for the greater good” (i use that term loosely). i dont think it ever couldve worked because john and her come from extremely different backgrounds and it’s very obvious in saw x when amanda tries to reason with john and get through to him about gabriellas addiction and he just brushes her off with a “everyone has a choice” and my friend said that in that moment he made it obvious he views amanda as lesser than him because of her past addiction. i think gabriella and amanda are extremely similar in the way they worked for someone evil but at the end of the day theyre just a means for them to attain power and nothing else. cecilia rubs it in gabriellas face by saying “well im not the one addicted to drugs” and amanda looks at john when she says that. amanda saw so much of herself in gabriella and i think seeing john treat her like subhuman filth touched a sore spot. cecilia killing her just salted the wound and amanda had the worst freakout about that. when gabriella is begging for her life at the stairs as amanda and john go up to watch the torture from afar, amanda looks at her with a look of regret or pity or SOMETHING but then looks up at john who stares back disapprovingly. he also guilt trips her a shit ton for these feelings and when she has these lucid moments and feels guilt for hurting people, he goes on a “oh so youre NOT willing to do what it takes to carry on my work?” tangent, trying to make it seem as if his work is something greater than them both and not a self serving narcissistic, sadistic wet dream. and when amanda starts to go crazy because she cares deeply for john and hes DYING so she starts making unbeatable traps and becoming fiercely jealous of lynn, shes flawed. john practically spits in her face and calls her a failure as shes dying. he kidnapped her, groomed her, forced her to kill people, and in the end says he hates her for it after he gets her killed.

ok now lynn time :3 THEIR SEXUAL TENSION WAS OFF THE CHARTSSSSSS this was my favorite saw movie tbh. they had intense hateful sexual tension and it’s when amandas confidence AND insecurity is peaking so ofc disaster is imminent. shes learned to make traps at this point, her body language is much more confident and mirrors how i imagine john would behave if he wasnt. yknow. terminally ill. and by that i mean sassy asf. but now she doubts john and his methods and resents him for prioritizing lynn over amanda and urging amanda to control herself and to stop hurting lynn and i think it’s like a “i dedicated my life to you and she’s just another victim” kind of jealousy. when she walks in on john holding lynns hand and he says “we’re fine amanda we dont need you” and she takes that PERSONALLY. it seems like john wanted a pet more than he wanted an apprentice because he never wanted to put emotional work into amanda and wouldve rather had her killed off than correct her mistakes. anyways. shortly after, john orders her to undo lynns collar and she snaps, holds her at gunpoint and says “you gave her control over me” like NOOOOOO you gave john control over you. she wouldnt be in this mess if she werent so loyal to john. ik abt hoffmans letter to amanda tbh idgaf like i said everything after saw 3 is dead to me after learning it was supposed to end there and Lips can eat my meat

[djinn-ale]

Heavy breathing I SEE STARBEE AND I NEED HEADCANONS THEY FRENS SHJHHHF

LMAO HIII um im not actually a starbee shipper nor am i really a headcanons haver 😅 HOWEVER i am a huge fan of whatever the fuck was going on with their exrid almost-friendship-mutual-i-need-to-fix-him ghost bee arc dynamic so i do have some thoughts on them under the cut if u are interested. as for headcanons i have exactly one (1) and its this:

t4t? nah. tvt (they fight behind maccadams at 4 pm every week)

i need to preface this by saying i absolutely hate what the autobots stand for in idw1 and i despise rid2012 with a passion, especially for how they wrote bee (autobot regime police brutality sweep??????????????). despite this, i am incredibly delusional and so i pretend that what happened isnt real. also it's been awhile since i read/skimmed through any tf comics, so i could be misremembering things or forgetting events, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

first of all i think they probably had a lot of issues with each other over the whole leadership thing. like, imagine being the guy whose own worst enemy is his leader, and has fought his entire life throughout the war to usurp him and take over his faction. like youve got so much goddamn beef with this guy and you hate everything he stands for and he hates you and you've suffered so much at this guy's hands, and after so many years, through your own scheming and plotting and killing you're able to stand at the top of cybertron as its leader!! and then in strolls the guy from the opposite faction who is The Optimus Prime Numero Uno guy, and in case that wasnt enough, he was literally handed the leadership role on a silver platter. somehow he doesnt even want the role - thinks he's too unprepared for it or some shit. idk, i just think that theres a lot of foil potential here that was missed, and instead bee was just reduced to the guy cracking various "im dead" jokes while nitpicking every single action starscream took. sure there was some back and forth between the two with morality and Why Didn't You Just Do The Right Thing and whatnot, and their bantering was fun (especially the part where bee actually disappears for a bit after screamer tells him to fuck off) but i think it couldve gone a lot deeper, and a lot more personal. what im trying to say here is that it's Very Bumblebee to try and fix literally the worst guy he knows (barring prowl), but realistically i dont think he wouldve done much to change 4 million years of habits and flaws and the 50 mental illnesses starscream had built up (if anything, starscream mightve taken the actions bee "convinced him to" regardless of what was said - remember how he kept convincing himself that bee was just "his own guilty conscience" - meaning that everything bee says is something he already thinks about, whether subconsciously or not). instead, starscream shouldve been able to convince bee to stop parasocialing op. like, i know bee being op's Most Son Ever and his belief in op being infallible is one of his biggest character flaws, but it wouldve been really cool and awesome character growth for bee to be like Wow, i actually dont think op shouldve annexed the earth that one time in the name of the matrix or whatever.

tldr if starbee was more mentally ill they wouldve been closer to each other. and also hated each other more. and then canon wouldve been so much more enjoyable to me.

[away-ward]

Did you notice the conversation that the horsemen had in that Lolita class in high school perfectky describe their characterisation.

Michael thought the teacher, Lumbert loved Lolita, when in fact, Lumbert groomed Lolita. Now what have Michael been doing to Rika since she was born? Grooming her as a show of his "love"! Especially after that snippet in Corrupt's epilogue. (Michael grew up always being denied what he wants, and he felt restricted with his options, so he always made sure to go against everything he thought was "rules" to him.)

Kai thought its was abuse and it wasnt on the fault on the girl to be responsible of the situation. And how did he responded to Banks' love with Damon? Yep, he called them out because their co-dependency was borderline abusive and weird as fuck. (Kai grew up to a good home but his father was strict with him, from his choice of friends, manners, education, etc. and Katsu didnt like Gabriel and Damon. AT ALL lmao.)

Damon said "abuse felt like love" because of his relationship with Natalya and Gabriel. Gabriel grape Natalya and Natalya grape Damon. It's a cycle. So Damon's response was like how he felt being Lolita instead of looking at the situation in a birds eye view. The difference between Lolita and Damon though, Damon kept on excusing his problematic behaviour and inflict those similar pain towards innocents, especially the ones he loved most like Banks, Will and Winter.

Will said something like "why did Lolita still went back to hop on Lumbert's dick and not speak up then" and this solidifies Will's characterisation of making things about himself (because he always felt like nobody would choose him) instead of putting himself in Lolita's shoes. And look at the way he responded to Emmy's abuse, it was always "why did she never told me about anything", "you couldve told me and my parents wouldve yada yada yada", instead of just being there for her after he found out something weird about her situation. He was insensitive about the whole situation, not because he was naive or thought the world was good, but because his character was selfish and unkind first before he was anything else. At that age of 17, only a person who's so unkind and selfish would ever say something like that. Mind you, i never went through what lolita, emmy and damon went through, but i cannot ever imagine go so far as being insesitive like that to people, even at the age of 14. It was too much. Will's response, even at worst, shouldve been like Kai. There was no excuse for him here.

I think the Lolita class conversation was very interesting, but it was never really brought up much. It perfectly shows us how, even if the horsemen would help emmy then if she asked, they most likely wont halp her the way she needed to be help, patiently, kindly, and sincerely. They just werent ready for this conversation yet, if not, Damon wouldnt have kept his problem to himself and thought nobody woukd help him with everything, no? Thats why this story was never as easy as just "opening uo to people". The people that they open up to, should be on the same wavelength as them, because then, they would be like Corrupt Michael who just shouted at Rika when they found out about Miles Anderson. Even if Damon who had spent his youth wth the horsemen cant ever fully open up to his friends about his home situation, why would Emmy, a stranger to them was able to open up to the horsemen too.

And as much as Emmy knew about Banks, and even though we never git much Emory Banks in the past or presence, i was glad that this story didnt took the ridiculous route of an 18 year old girl suddenly manage to defy patriarchy and high profile men and criminals to save a girl her age in a well restricted mansion. Like think about the security, their financial situation, Banks education... the logistics of having another live in your life after saving them... crazy. I like that PD didnt do some Wonder Woman shit with their storyline, because i dont think its possible.

What do you think about these?

I did notice that! But I haven’t been able to put it into words like this. Thank you!!!

I wouldn’t say Will was selfish and unkind in his response though. Not to disregard your opinion, but the way I see it, he wasn’t intending to be insensitive. He was just privileged enough to be ignorant of what abuse can look like and how it can make a person feel. He needed to have his eyes opened to reality. But Will’s always had autonomy, so it makes sense to me that he wouldn’t necessarily understand how someone who appears to have free will would choose to stay in a bad situation. The key word being “appears.”

If he understood the reality of how abuse can make a person feel, how autonomy can be stripped away from a person even though it doesn’t appear that way, and he still called them weak and blamed them for their situation, that would be a different situation for me. I’d be more inclined to agree with you. And this isn’t to say that I think Will handled everything in the correct or right way, but people grow and mature at different rates and a big part of Will’s story is how he resisted growing up and accepting reality for so long. Understanding and sympathizing with an abuse victim takes maturity, which he really didn't have at the time.

Whether his ignorance was intentionally turning a blind eye to the obvious, or a byproduct of his privilege is up to the individual, I guess. I choose to think it was a byproduct.

I haven’t thought about why they were discussing Lolita, other than it was a quick way to bring up abuse and for Damon to get in that quotable line. But what I took from it was that none of these kids, save for Damon, were really thinking something like that could be happening to in their midst.

I still think Damon would have kept everything to himself. I don’t know if it’s pride, or shame, or him just being messed up, but I have no doubt that even if he were sure that his friends could and would help him and not judge him, he would have kept that to himself as long as he could.

The horsemen get mad when they see what they perceive to be injustice. They don’t think about why they think that way, just that they feel angry because they saw or heard something they didn’t like. And that’s part of the problem throughout the series: they reaction to things, and not always with thoughtfulness. And we can disagree with how they react – their actions – but not always why they’re upset.

Of course, they’re mad about Anderson. They think he’s scum to begin with, and now they know he’s attacking women. They don’t like men attacking women, so now they’re mad. It’s as simple as that for them. As a reader, removed from the narrative, we know it’s stupid that they yelled at Rika. But their reason for being mad is valid.

And it goes on like that. They learn of a situation, they react, and then they think. So, I don’t think Damon was worried about their reaction – even if they didn’t understand, they would have been of his side. I truly think this was a pride thing. Or Damon being Damon. He likes his secrets.

With Emmy, obviously it makes sense to us that she wouldn’t open up to them. She has no reason to rely on them for anything. She’s been so alone for years, and they certainly aren’t her friends. But from their perspective, obviously they wouldn’t have let the abuse continue if they’d known about it. Does she think they’re heathens????

easy answer: “yes, you idiots, because you haven’t shown anything different,” but they don’t know that.

Oh yeah, when Damon told Emory about Banks my first reaction was “why? What is she gonna do? You already know that Emory is barely handling her own situation, why are you trying to add to it?” And didn’t Banks have people in the house and a mom she can turn to in truly desperate situations? Like, I know she never went to high school, but she’s been doing his homework and we know she isn’t dumb. But Damon is Damon and like the rest of them, his reactions aren’t usually the most logical.  

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I really enjoyed reading them.

[serendipitywithmesworld]

Entry 2 | Grateful

August 2020

When I look back at myself laying in my bed at 3am scrolling through youtube, I didnt imagine what it would lead me to. I was bored and nothing was peaking my interest until I came across ON Kinetic Manifesto performance.

Now I can honestly say I had no thoughts going into it, I was just honestly curious. The beat was immediately amazing but I saw the most beautiful person come out. And the thing is that to this day, Id say it was love at first sight. My first bias before I even knew what that was: Jimin. Now watching that video spiraled into watching god knows how many until I fell asleep around 9am. And that was the start of that.

Being an army for 2 years now is such a blessing. It brought me so many opportunities and new adventures. Like traveling to LA and Vegas for PTD. Id have never done that if it wasnt for them. I met beautiful people including my best friend throughout that time I was there.

My self-image and identity was better understood by myself because I learned I didnt have to fit societal roles. I grew into being comfortable in my masculine side when all my life I was pushed to be a typical woman role in a latino household. They gave me courage to chop off all my hair when I have been too afraid to do so in the past.

My family is never something I can count on which is why they took over a huge chunk of my life. While theyay not know me, their impact on my life was drastic as many of you may relate. For every experience of hardship in my life, there is always one of them that I can turn to.

For Joon, I go when I need calmness in nature whether it be listening to mono during rain or talking a walk outside. For Jin, I go to laugh until I cant breathe and have tears in my eyes. For Yoongi, I go when I need reason and advice. For Hobi, I go to remember that it is okay to let your anger and sadness go when you always have a smile on your face. For Jimin, I go to protection in the way he always makes sure we are alright. For Tae, I go to remember that I can be different and that as long as Im happy, nothing matters. For JK, I go when I want a challenge or adventure, always a motivator.

They are my laughs, my joy and the reason why I strive to be great. Now I know it sounds cheesy and silly to some people but the ones that understand, will know how much they matter to me, to us. While I never really had anything to be thankful/grateful for in my 20s, having them is the best thing that couldve come out of them.

As always,

Serendipity-withme💜

[brunetteaura]

6, 8, 20:3

hii thank you for the ask, these are good questions!!

6. why are you no longer together with your ex?

i could pull the victim card and trash him for not being a very good person, but even scratching all of that out and getting to the bottom of it, we were just not very compatible and i dont think any of us wanted to accept each other. additionally, there was no way i would evolve and get to start trying to love myself if i didnt break up with him bc it led me to discovering myself, almost like i wasnt the main character of my own movie before that. i cannot imagine being with him and have the life, the thought process and the state of mind that i have now. i mourn what couldve been every once in a while but i think our relationship was meant to be a lesson for both of us and not something sustainable

8. what are your current goals?

being firm on what i want and fighting for it. i know this is vague but thats literally one of the only things ive been dealing with bc right now i cant entirely rely on myself so i need family help, and it comes with extra effort on not letting anyone break my boundaries. soon enough im gonna be working too so i really want to try my best bc i didnt have the papers to do that before. im also meeting my internet best friend for the first time and i want it to be good but theres many insecurities that im being reminded of like what if she doesnt like me irl, what if i fuck it up bc she deserves the world and am i able to give it to her. a lot to unpack so im gonna be working on showing my love through action and action only, enough of the words through the internet.

20. what was the last thing you cried for?

i mightve teared up when i was arguing with my grandma and she was preaching abt forgiving my mom just bc shes my mom, i got so mad at her. full on sobbing session? when thinking abt how drastically my life was gonna change soon and how i wasnt mentally prepared for it. a week has passed since then and im handling it much better

[regulatedchaos]

Nothing gets easier. You just get better.

Tangina mo October natapos ka din. Sobrang bagal mo parang isang taon Yung isang buong bwan hayup ka. Dami nangyari.

Saw a photo of him today together with the package I sent (clothes, tumbler, jacket, journal, letters and our photos)

He looked... Lost, just blank. Nothing like the person I fell in love with. It's saddening. I, I am lost for words. I am just gonna hold on to the thought that he is trying. And that's what's important. I hope the meds are regulated and hope that he is strictly monitored with everything. I thought the package couldve atleast put a smile on his face, kahit slight smirk lang. But no, but idk maybe.. maybe it's too soon. It's just been two weeks anyway. Fuck time is so slow when you want to just disappear and fly already. I'm just so worried maybe that explains the itching on my entire body. Ang lala ng kati kati ko. 😞

I just ate lunch and I saw myself in the mirror. I look pregnant, Yung miserable pregnant, uhm maybe not miserable just someone who's trying to get by. Taking it one day at a time.

Now I feel blank but I'm feeling everything, I'm frustrated, I pity myself, I'm imagining I am sole responsible of how this baby is gonna grow, taking care of the baby, taking care of myself in all aspects, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. It seemed like this is a crying moment for me but I don't have any tear to shed. But my heart feels like it's melting and babalik na nmn Ako sa bakit ko ba to nararanasan. Like the suffering I experienced wasnt enough and I have to suffer more. Minsan Yung friends ko na single mom pag nkaikita ko medyo nabubuhayan ako ng loob eh. Na sila nkaakaya naman nila. Nakakagala gala, nakaka lamyerda. Just enjoying life and they have their kid with them throughout all those happy times. So yeah I think I can do it.

Parang gusto ko ilayo ng konti Yung emotions ko ng feelings ko toward Kay Cassie parA di ko sya mamiss. Para mag fade Yung nafifeel ko hoping na I won't get hurt as much. But I don't think that's right or that's fair. He's also a victim here di nmana nya pinili magkatrauma nung Bata eh. Hay idk what to think anymore. I need to be distracted. Yung sa work pa wala ko masyado ginagawa. Tulog lang Ako ng tulog. Tapos nagmeeting kami kanina ni Britt sabi nya nakakapagod daw ginagawa ko mag adjust daw Ako ano daw ba gusto ko gawin less dials more tasks kasi nakka burn out daw mg tawag ng magtwag eh 1-2 hrs ko lang naman ginagawa Yun.

Atleast swerte Ako sa work. Sa 2 kong work actually. Kelangan ko nlnag tong sustain. Sana normal delivery ni papicito para sumakto Yung na save Kong money. My God ayoko mangutang hay. Buti nag start Ako magsave kahit sabi ni Cassie sya magbabayad lahat.

Bakit Kaya feeling ko I'm doing so much in life pero parang di padin sapat? Pero sobra? Bakit ganun? Ah siguro kasi walang emotional or mental fulfillment kahit Anong gawin ko kahit gano kadami, parang ganun padin. Kasi, Alam ko na. Kasi di ko mababago Yung sitwasyon. Mababago ko lang talaga Yung perception ko towards everything.

Tanginang Yan di ko na kelangan ng therapist talaga eh. Thanks Tumblr.

I guess nothing gets easier talaga. You just get better.

11Nov23

[the-softest-butch]

its funny how when i was at my worst i never gave up and had so much energy. with 14 i literally took my moms place after my parents divorced, had to learn how to clean, how to cook, how to manage the household, how to do tax declarations, how to manage official documents, manage payments for people who worked for my dad and so on all by myself, had to take care of my dad who was an absolute wreck after my mom left for good, taking all his frustration and anger out on us every god damn single day (not that he wasnt doing it before but it only got way way way worse). i was bullied for years so it wasnt easy finding any motivation to go to school anyway but now i was also doing my dads cleaning jobs at night and on the weekend so i got kicked out of school because eventually i just stopped going there. my dad was doing some international business bullshit and i had to stay awake til 5 in the morning to write his emails or help with translating and writing documents or contracts for fucking banks and broker. i was awake for 48h on a regular basis while doing all this. you think i got any praise from my dad? nope. i was humiliated. every single day for 5 years i was told that im wortless, dumb, retarded, that such failures like us could never come from a academic person like him, that i will never make something out of my life, that i will never be something, that i will never be someone, that its no wonder that i have no friends, that he was just waiting and wondering what took so long for my first workplace to kick me out because i wasnt good enough anyways, that we are the cause of him being unhaelthy, the cause of him being unhappy, the cause of his death. and this is just the tip of the iceberg. with all this on my shoulders i also still managed to always be there for my friends on demand, doing everything for everyone and never complaining or showing how much i fucking suffered one bit. i endured all this bullshit with only 14-15 years old. now im 26 and i managed to go to therapy, to overcome my social anxiety, my suicidal thoughts, being a people pleaser, my depression, got a very nice paying job, got an apartment, have amazing friends, i have reached everything i never couldve imagined reaching all my life back when i was in that hell. you might think i should be the happiest ive ever been right now. but im not. i have no energy left. with work and paying bills and fucking healing and working on yourself and having responsibilities and bullshit here and bullshit there i have no time or space left to recover that energy. i have everything i ever dreamed of but no fucking capacity to enjoy it. mentally nor physically. i have it all in my hands but my hands cant hold these precious things anymore. im always saying im tired. no one will ever understand the depths i mean behind these words. im so tired. i gave up.

[heybinnie]

on 7 july in london, a fan allegedly triggered a fire alarm in a hotel just to see their k-idol group evacuate and effectively making every single person in the building panic, even disrupting a wedding that was being held

i rly hope fans dont do anything like this again, for any group. Please refrain from going to such extremes just to meet your idols, even if you are desperate, or think its a prank, or that it would be ‘worth it’. please please please support your idols in a manner that wont cause distress for others around you. it isnt worth it.

[imeverywoman420]

Im a pisces and that eve/lilith thing is so true i hate it tho like I cant imagine ever being single i would lose my mind and I revolved my entire personality over my first bf and put off college bc i wanted to move out with him instead. I hate being a pisces like i dont wanna be like this i wish i was an aries or sometihng else i feel like my life wouldve been a lot better and i couldve come out from all my trauma with a sense of self that wasnt as fractured

Lol no offense like rip i feel sorry to you but its soooo difficult for me to even imagine this mentality. Like id probs be codependent tooo if i could even like. Imagine relying on another person.

Like im serious men just do not emotionally connect or identify me as like. A girl. Now its funny to kekekee heeeheee of course u dont have a bf u online crazy bitch. Keep in mind ive been normal ive been a stacey ive been a quirked up shawty Ive been everywhere man. I didnt come out of the womb a girlblogger femcel…

Like ive never had the option to be scared of being single. Is it like. Are you actually into the guys you date? Ive legit only seen maybe 5 attractive men irl (im NOT exaggerating. North carolina is rough). So its like. Difficult for me to conceive of a world where theres elligible bachelors everywhere.

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.