rediscovering shame and giving yourself compassion (how to deal with shame as someone with ADHD)
this is directed towards my fellow ADHDers who have trouble with reoccuring shame while leads to hindered productivity.
signs that your productivity is hindered by shame (compiled by my own experiences):
you feel negative physical symptoms when you think about your responsibilities
you find ways to avoid the responsibilities
every time you make progress, you feel like you don't ever wanna touch it again
when you present your progress, you feel ashamed of yourself because it's not finished (on time & according to ur standards).
you feel like you are a constant failure. you never win, despite achieving good things here and there.
you are a walking ball of anxiety
you have a fear of being perceived
there's probably more, but eh those are just from my own experiences
below i will write down what y'all should remember, what you can do to help yourself, etc. this is compiled from dr k, my own journaling time, and my firsthand experience from having shame 24/7
some things u gotta remember
shame is what exists in the gap between your ideal self and where you are currently.
your ideal self doesn't have to be unrealistic, it can be yourself when you were at your peak or someone who is very similar to you.
shame brings negative thoughts, because it makes you see progress as a negative thing.
instead of being happy that u made progress, u grumble to urself and ask "why didnt i just do it sooner? im so stupid". it's a reminder of your failures, so u avoid progress altogether.
shame can become a part of you, to the point where you feel uneasy or vulnerable if you dont feel ashamed at yourself
shame doesn't do anything to ADHDers in the long run except self-loathing and hindered productivity.
what should u do?
basically self-therapy, but instead of stopping at why, i try to solve my shame one-by-one.
examine past moments where you felt a LOT of shame. this can go back to elementary. the stronger the emotions, the better. now, write them down. you're probably cringing, but that is good. feel all the cringiness running through ur veins.
why did you feel shame? why did it happen? what did you feel?
reframe your thoughts. instead of immediately running away from it, accept it and justify it. give it compassion. give it a hug. was it your 7 year old self? hug yourself. it's okay to fuck up and do silly things sometimes, and it's okay to have ADHD. it's not our fault.
remember that ADHD is a lifelong nerudivergency, you can't just push it away. coping mechanisms and tools help, but give yourself some grace when you screw up. it's our first time living anyway.
calm your body down. make sure your physical body is doing okay.
now... think of one thing you want to do but can't because of shame and do these steps carefully. think of the reasons why you might be ashamed, and reframe your thoughts.
WARNING!! TAKE IT ONE PRESENT ACTION AT A TIME. don't do this for every action you want to take, let your body slowly learn that it's okay to make progress despite the shame you feel, and you are allowed to feel compassion for yourself.
train your body to accept compassion slowly. life is tough with ADHD but it's even tougher knowing that shame will get in your way. give yourself a break, it's fine to fuck up, we all go through different things anyway. even if it's not fine, you will learn and make those mistakes a lil bit lesser in the future.
ok hope this helps.
692 notes
路
View notes
Dude discovering myself as dragonkin bought me unrivaled joy. Yes, there is species dysphoria and stuff like that but i still dont feel unhappy or miserable
The fact that im a dragon! A fucking dragon! Makes me go !!!!!!
I gained a new and grand understanding of myself, i feel myself, i never felt secure with myself like this before. Its feels so right, how did i live without knowing such things?
Sure. Its sad that i dont have actual wings or horns nor can i shape-shifting or spit fire but i still feel so happy. The fact that from now on i will live as a dragon is so marvelous itself! Like. Wdym i get to experience the miracle of life as a DRAGON!!!! This is so amazing
21 notes
路
View notes
I think accepting that I am, in fact, foolish and gullible a lot of the time is actually integral to cultivating critical thinking skills and correcting mistakes I've made. The people that see themselves as the smartest person in the room are the people that refuse to see opportunities for improvement within themselves and thus develop a resistance to learning. Like, you can't grow from foolishness if you refuse to acknowledge it.
362 notes
路
View notes