#incorrect fallout

[dad-victoriam]

Charon: I can’t believe you assassinated President Eden.

Lone Wanderer: Well, 'assassinated' implies it was politically motivated. I killed him because he was a dick, so technically I murdered him—also, he was a computer.

Charon: He was what.

[fallout-through-the-crawlout]

Curie: We have no idea how many stars there are!

Deacon: I think there are 7.

Piper: There are more than 7.

Deacon: Curie just said we have no idea how many stars there are.

Curie: Well… I…

Piper: We know there are more than 7.

Deacon: Are you calling Curie a liar? Because now I’m even more convinced it’s 7.

[incorrect-new-vegas]

Cass, pointing at ED-E: Why do you take that tin can with you everywhere?

Six: Well, I suppose some part of me possibly has a sense of casual kinship with it, much as one might be fond of a street cat. That, and it shoots lasers, which is metal as hell.

[incorrect-fallout4]

Deacon, getting stabbed: It's gonna take a lot more than a poke in the ribs to put this guy down, you dig me? Deacon, getting stabbed again: Ok yeah, that oughta do it.

[hangon-silvergirl]

fallout tv series + game dialogue, & a niggling suspicion that this bullshit is going to be my personality for a while

[caitlynskitten]

Lucy: *accidentally kills someone* Oh geez.

Lucy: *Kills a cockroach* Holy moly!

Lucy: *escapes a near death experience* Okie Dokie that was intense.

The Ghoul: Just say “fuck” for the love of god.

Lucy:

Lucy: Fudge.

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

I love the differences in Fallout protagonists.

Fallout 3: You’re the child of a brilliant scientist and the one destined to save the world through both your own and your father’s actions.

Fallout 4: A survivor, a literal piece of the Old World that woke up to change everything. The human equivalent of a nuke in its silo.

Meanwhile in Fallout New Vegas you’re a random fuck-off mailman who stumbled dick backward into being a warlord. What’s going on? Courier 6 doesn’t know! All they know is that a motherfucker in a checkered suit shot them and stole their poker chip and now all the Mojave will feel their wrath. Their friend group is less The Avengers and more the gang from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It’s amazing.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: “So this is what a full hotel looks like…”

Vaggie: “Think it’ll survive until Extermination day?”

Charlie: “I don’t know if I’LL survive to Extermination day.”

Vaggie: “Aww, babe.”

Charlie: “Seriously, who keeps ordering pizza??? We all already KNOW the cannibals will just skip it and try chewing on the poor delivery person!”

Vaggie: “My bet’s on Angel Dust. He’s not exactly thrilled the place got filled up with ‘shit smiling judgmental prudes.’”

Charlie: “Whyyy didn’t I remember the cannibals have a whole dress-code thingy?”

Vaggie: “They are being polite about it though.”

Charlie: “They keep eyeing Angel Dust’s exposed thighs like they’re chicken wings.”

Vaggie: “And if they wanted to eat him up in any other way, he’d be thrilled.”

Charlie: (growling) “Some of them keep looking at YOUR thighs as if they were-”

Vaggie: “Anything other than property of Charlie Morningstar?”

Charlie: “-Vaggie they want to TEAR YOU APART!”

Vaggie: “And they’re not actually trying it, which is polite, even if they’re still talking about how angels might taste whenever I’m in the room.”

Charlie: (pout) “You taste good.”

Vaggie: “Not like that, babe.”

Charlie: “How could the rest of you not taste good too??”

Vaggie: “Ask the cannibals. Meat flavors based on where the meat thing lived and what it ate, something something- What if angel steaks taste like artificial food coloring?”

Charlie: “I like those-!”

Vaggie: "I know." (laughing) “Maybe that’s another reason why you’re the woman of my dreams.”

Charlie: “Am I?”

Vaggie: “The one and only.”

Charlie: “You’d never… think about leaving me for someone else?”

Vaggie: “NO?”

Charlie: “Someone a little more badass maybe?”

Vaggie: “Not possible. You called heaven out for being total bullshit. In a song.”

Charlie: “Maybe someone you had an instant and deep connection with?”

Vaggie: “Like the woman that bandaged my eye socket and took me home with her and nursed me through physical and emotional hell all because she also thought sinners might be people worth caring about?”

Charlie: “Well what about someone who… is just better? At the whole. Everything.”

Vaggie: “Literally who. Who the fuck-”

Charlie: “Carmilla?”

Vaggie: “Car-hhhhHHH." (chokes)

Vaggie: "AHAHAHAHAH! Charlie! WHAT!?”

Charlie: “She’s cool. She’s one of those, those muffin things right? Angel Dust said-”

Vaggie: “A milf, sweetie. It’s milf and PLEASE also listen to Husk’s reality checks whenever Angel Dust opens his well meaning but dumb as shit whore mouth.”

Angel Dust: (distantly) “My HOT and SEXY whore mouth heard that, toots!”

Vaggie: (yelling back) “Then go stick a dick in it!”

Angel Dust: “I’m tryin’~”

Charlie: (used to this) (ignoring them) “So the whole private training battle song thing was, not a turn on for you? At all?”

Vaggie: “If I ever call Carmilla Carmine ‘mommy’ it’ll be because she just signed my adoption papers.”

Charlie: “Oh! Okay! Juuuust wanted to check.”

Charlie: “…..”

Charlie: “Are you gonna ask about me and the head-to-heart I had with-”

Vaggie: “No.”

Charlie: “-because I was literally thinking about you the whole time-“

Vaggie: (smile) “That just took a perfectly non-worrying thing and made it sound bad.”

Charlie: “Is there a thing like a- an elf??”

Vaggie: “Aunt you’d like to fuck?”

Charlie: “Well not ME personally. But Rosie is very impressive.”

Vaggie: “You looked more impressed up in heaven.”

Charlie: “Huh? Heaven??”

Vaggie: “Nothing- never mind. I do actually have a lady-related question for you though.”

Charlie: “What does heaven have to do with- what?”

Vaggie: “I think I’m in love.”

Charlie: “WHAT!?”

Vaggie: “She’s ripped out my heart and I want to thank her for it.”

Charlie: “Th-thh that’s wait how when-?”

Vaggie: “Charlie.”

Charlie: “-y, yes?”

Vaggie: “Can we keep inviting Susan over, even after Extermination day?”

Charlie: “…”

Charlie: “Susan.”

Vaggie: “Charlie please? Please? She's the granny I don't deserve and desperately need in my life. Please please please please-”

Charlie: “But, Vaggie- She HATES everyone!”

Vaggie: “I know!”

Charlie: “And she SAYS it!?”

Vaggie: “And it’s so fucking cool.”

Charlie: “She said you dress like a hooker!”

Vaggie: “Angel Dust was furious. I think he would’ve thrown a punch at her, in defense of hookers everywhere, if Husk hasn’t grabbed him.”

Charlie: “A LAZY hooker!”

Vaggie: “That one hit home and I’ll cherish it’s sting forever.”

Charlie: “She’s not NICE. She doesn’t even PRETEND to be nice like the other cannibals do!”

Vaggie: “Isn’t that great?” (grinning) “She’s like, the anti-Alastor….”

Charlie: (sigh)

Charlie: “I guess… being brutally, painfully, rudely honestly about your feelings is… not the worst thing someone can be.”

Vaggie: “YES! Can we adopt the creepy old mean lady?”

Charlie: “She can visit. We are NOT inviting her to LIVE here.”

Vaggie: (smiling)

Charlie: “….”

Charlie: (drooping) “…not unless she wants to.”

Vaggie: “Thanks, sweetie.” (kiss) “She never would. She hates us all and especially the hotel. Ask her and she’ll tell you, in detail, how all our decorating ideas are terrible and she’s only here to grab the free snacks, shove some angel leftovers in her basket, and then fuck off to her own perfect home back in Cannibal Town.”

Charlie: “So why scare me like that by asking? SUSAN in the attic! Ughghgh…”

Vaggie: “’cause it’s nice hearing you’d be open to it anyway.”

Charlie: “Mmrmph.”

Vaggie: “I like remembering that you’re like this.”

Charlie: “Whipped marshmallow.”   

Vaggie: "That Angel Dust again?"

Charlie: "Maybe."

Vaggie: "I've got a better word for you."

Charlie: "Like 'girlfriend?"

Vaggie: “Like amazing.”

Charlie: (snorts) (smiles) "Heh. Alright, flattery accepted."

Vaggie: "My wonderfully, adorably dramatic, heart stopping and breathtakingly passionate girlfriend, the most incredible person I've ever met, who-"

Charlie: (laughing) “Now who’s being a sweetie?”

Vaggie: “Charlie, I’m seri- whoah!”

Niffty: (lifting up floor board vaggie was standing on and peeking up at them) “Hey guys!”

Charlie: “Niffty!” (hug lifting vaggie to safety) “W- hi! Um! What is it?”

Niffty: “A bad day not to wear underwear!”

Vaggie: “And a good day to Die.”

Niffty: "I WISH!" (GIGGLES) “News from the hotel gossip line! S.O.S from Husk- he says Angel Dust and some cannibals are fighting over who gets to put the new pizza delivery in their mouths while Cherri’s taking bets and also shots.”

Charlie: "Shots of alcohol?"

Niffty: "Laser gun!"

Charlie: "Nooooo I thought we'd cleaned up everything after Pen's last inventing spree!"

Niffty: "Missed one. She keeps missing too. She fried the pizza."

Vaggie: "Instead of?"

Niffty: (GRINS) "The pizza delivery person!"

Vaggie: “Ugh. We look away for Ten. Minutes.”

Charlie: “Well that’s not- that’s not TOO bad! At least Sir Pentious isn’t-”

Niffty: “His corpse is in the lobby.”

Charlie: “-right. Okay.”

Vaggie: “Why is he a corpse in the hotel lobby this time?”

Niffty: “The cannibals accidentally ate his tongue while he was trying to show Cherri how long it was and then he choked while proving he has no gag reflect and can unhinge his jaws.”

Charlie: “Oh.”

Niffty: “The cannibals want to snack on him again but Susan keeps yelling at them about ‘crumbling standards’ and ‘back in HER day-‘”

Vaggie: “I love her.”

Charlie: “I’m right here.”

Vaggie: “You kinda love her too right now.”

Charlie: (pulls face) “She can come to dinner every other week. If we live. For now though, let’s just, um.”

Vaggie: “Go save the snake man?”

Niffty: “That man is DEAD!”

Charlie: “Resuscitate. We should go resuscitate the snake m- Sir Pentious.”

Niffty: (giggles) “And I’m gonna go order another pizza boy~” (scurries back under floor board)

Vaggie: “Wait, Niffty-”

Charlie: “Niffty! Are YOU the one who’s been-? Vaggie NO-”

Vaggie: (spear out) (in pursuit) “GET OUT OF THE CRAWL SPACES RIGHT NOW AND COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE-”

[harveywritings92]

Deacon: Hancock's been acting really strange with Sole. He seems... kinda into them.

Curie: What do you mean, "into them?"

Deacon: I mean into them.

Curie: Your statement is confusing. Has Hancock entered Sole in some fashion?

Deacon: Not yet.

[amarithecat]

Six: Man Arcade, this RadAway stuff works wonders but it tastes terrible.

Arcade, slowly turning towards Six with bloodshot eyes: It What?

[vaultscavver]

nora: hancock, are we dating?

hancock, choking: what?! no!

nora: but you call me sunshine all the time. and we’re sleeping together.

hancock: i… i do that with all my friends.

maccready, in tears: YOU NEVER CALLED ME SUNSHINE

[dad-victoriam]

Soul Survivor: *crying over her companion’s dead body*

Soul Survivor: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

[fallout-through-the-crawlout]

Hancock [staring at Sole]: They could fix me.

Nick Valentine: Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?

Hancock: No. They’re perfect. I, on the other hand am a mess and they could fix me

[incorrect-new-vegas]

Welcome to the Big Empty!

Six: I have no idea what happened, but I'm not supposed to be here, and I'm definitely not supposed to be missing my brain. Someone here really forked up. Six: Fork. Six: Why can't I say "Fork?" Dr. Klein: IF YOU'RE TRYING TO SWEAR, YOU CAN'T HERE. Six: Well that's bullshirt.

[incorrect-fallout4]

Elder Maxson: Would anyone like to guess why I've called you all here today? Sole: Is it because the war's over and you're sending us home? Maxson: That's exactly it, Knight. The Institute's destroyed, we won. Turns out, you're the big hero. We're going to hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Paladin Danse here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI

[hangon-silvergirl]

fallout tv series + onion headlines, okey dokey?