#instead of working myself to death in fear of the idea that if i stop i stop for good

[ottitty]

Its okay to let yourself fall out of love with art or a craft if its not bringing you enough joy to be worth sustaining. You're worth more than what you create, and that's not something you have to apologize for. Thats a lot of grief to handle sometimes too, so be gentle with yourself and remember to not let yourself get weighed down by other people's guilt.

You are not dead. Continue on.

[khruschevshoe]

OFMD Critique: Mermen, the Gravy Basket, and Cognitive Dissonance

Warning: this is going to be a bit rambly.

So, I can't stop thinking about the end of "The Innkeeper." (OFMD 2x3, if you need the reminder.) About how I have completely different reactions to the final scene of the episode depending on who's POV/plot I'm considering it a part of.

As part of the Stede/Ed plot, and as part of Ed's personal character arc, it's masterful. The cinematography, the swelling music (and music choice, god is "This Woman's Work" a fantastic pick), the acting, the lighting, everything about it is so well done. It's a story about a man who has hit the absolute bottom of a depressive episode because he believes that love is only meant to hurt, that no love can exist without it dying, and who is pulled from the absolute Darkest Night of the Soul by the man who loves him- in the form of a merman. (I'm not going to harp on the symbolism and the perfection of choosing a mermaid, a rainbow, beautiful, queer-as-hell mermaid, as Stede's form here because others have done it so much better than I ever could.)

This final scene is PERFECT for the Stede/Ed plotline. I will give it all the props in the world for its gorgeous portrayal of the healing, divinely-coded power of queer love.

But from the crew's POV? From the end of a plot that was literally about a man spiralling and taking everyone down with him? From the POV of people who were just forced to shoot themselves, to fight to the death, to amputate limbs, who finally got to stand up to their monster after months of fear, of sobbing when Blackbeard couldn't see, of living on a knife's edge because if they put one toe out of line they'll get shot in the leg or pushed off the ship or worse?

I'm not looking at a man's rebirth; I'm looking at a villain's resurrection.

All I can feel is dread on behalf of a crew that literally just admitted to having been "living second to second" for months now. A crew that was ready to die at Zheng Yi Sao's behest because that's what they had been expecting from the man they just had to kill to survive a storm.

I can't ever fully immerse myself in the scene as I did the first time around, because I know how the crew's subplot is going to go. I know that they are going to vote Ed off the ship, finally gaining some agency, and then Stede is going let Ed back on the ship within a day with a slap on the wrist. Ed is going to give an "influencer apology" and that'll be that, because as Archie says, "they just kinda get away with these things." The crew will get no more agency in their own trauma recovery or their reactions to Blackbeard beyond Lucius' (very questionably handled) trauma recovery arc. This season is going to end with a character dying from a random gunshot wound to the side after Ed survived a CANNONBALL TO THE HEAD. (A character who, by the way, Ed put a gun in the hand of and told him to shoot himself. A man who, by the way, Ed shot in the leg, permanently disabling him. A man who, by the way, dies by apologizing to Ed for Ed tormenting him and the rest of the crew for months on end and driving them to the point that they would kill him.)

I try so hard to remain in the emotions I felt watching the merman scene the first time around, the hope I had for the Ed/Stede storyline, the hope I had for all of these characters. What I thought I was looking at was a sign of hope for all of them, the idea that they could all heal from their trauma, that everyone could experience some version of this love (whether romantic, platonic, or otherwise) for themselves.

But instead, the only other character to get a song died by the end of the season without ever getting a chance at a Gravy Basket of their own. And thus, I cannot ever feel what every possible Cinematic Cue in his scene is trying to get me to feel, because it will always, always be tainted by knowing that every one of those beautiful choices have been denied to Izzy, Jim, Archie, and Frenchie when it comes to their recovery arcs strangled before they could ever be completed.

[ynbabe]

Young Justice x male reader- incorrect quotes

Robin, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Y/N, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Wally, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

Kaldur, trembling: What are we playing

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

*Robin is cooking*

Y/N: Any chance that’s for me?

Robin: It’s for Kaldur. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.

Wally: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: *Screams*

Y/N: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Wally: Should we do something?

Kaldur, hoping that someone can finally get the ninja child to chill: No, I want to see who wins.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: Bye Y/N! Bye Wally! Bye Kaldur! Bye Artemis! Bye Y/N!

Wally: You said ‘bye Y/N’ twice.

Robin: I like Y/N.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: You kidnapped Y/N? That’s illegal!

Wally: But Robin, what’s more illegal? Briefly, inconveniencing Y/N, or destroying our dreams?

Robin: Kidnapping Y/N, Wally!!!

Kaldur, meeting his celebrity inspiration: Robin, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!

Robin: What, to kidnap people?!?!

Kaldur: To work together!

Robin: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!

Artemis: Robin, we all agreed a celebrity is a not a people.

Y/N, teenage orphan heir in Gotham who is feared by everyone for reasons: *Happy to be there* Uh do I get a say in this?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Kaldur: Robin no.

Y/N: Mistlefoe.

Kaldur: Please stop.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: WHY. why did you give Wally a KNIFE?!

Y/N: I’m sorry. He said he felt unsafe.

Robin: Now I feel unsafe!

Y/N: I’m sorry.

Y/N: ... would you like a knife?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: Y/N and I don’t use pet names.

Wally: I see. Hey, what do I call tacos?

Robin: My love?

Y/N: Yes, Di?

Robin:

Wally: Don't ever lie to my face again.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: How's the sexiest person here~?

Y/N: I don't know, how are you~?

Robin, flustered: I-

Wally, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: How do I deal with my enemies?

Y/N: Kill them

Robin: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution

Y/N: Kill them only a little?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much.

Y/N, went to Blackgate undercover for funsies: Oh, you’ve been?

Robin, protected by the big bat for now: Once. In Monopoly.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: Man, I only ever see you awake, do you ever shut down or stop running?

Y/N, who has pissed off the entire Justice League and the league of villains: Oh, I’m always running

Y/N: The question is from what

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Robin: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Y/N, accidentally emotionally adopted by John Constantine: How am I supposed to know?

Wally: You say, as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Y/N: *sighs*

Y/N: You wouldn't be trapped.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Wally: Y/N and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Robin: *Sighing* What did Y/N do?

Wally: He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Y/N: Who wants a steering wheel?

Guys I'm stuck in writers block, pls request or suggest any new characters or fandoms I can write for!!!!

[montammil]

June of Doom Day 1 - "Help me."

| Failed Escape | On the Run | Fetal Position |

Catching up on June of Doom as much as I can haha. Next one I think I'll do is CCE, but for now, here's some Rowan/Sawyer content.

Sorry it's shorter than most of my works, haven't been feeling too motivated but I've been forcing myself to get there haha.

CW: Implied drugging, failed escape, intimate/yandere whumper, implied trauma, noncon touching (not sexual), concussions, slight gore

...

It had been three months since Sawyer managed to escape from Rowan. Those three months felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest, yet was still somehow more stressful than being in his kidnapper's grasp. He was glad to have freedom again, but terrified every time he went outside. Hell, even when he was inside his shitty motel room he was scared that Rowan would be somehow in his walls.

The fear made it so difficult to do things as simple as getting groceries and going to the laundromat.

There were so many people outside, everywhere. Rowan could blend in with them no problem, and then get Sawyer alone and take him back to his own personal hell.

But... there had been no signs of Rowan ever since Sawyer got out. There hadn't been any flowers on his doorstep, no messages on his phone, no emails to his old Indigo work account.

That was probably because Rowan had no idea where he was (hopefully) and Sawyer was now confined to using a cheap flip phone instead of his smartphone that Rowan had broke.

Sawyer tried not to think about Rowan. He tried to focus on the here and now, and the here and now was buying a few bags of chips at the gas station.

He did his best not to look over his shoulder the entire time he shopped. Every little sound made him jump. People chatting quietly with each other. The cashier running change for another customer. Someone opening the glass freezer door across the room.

Fuck, everything freaked him out nowadays. But he needed to get groceries sooner rather than later. His room had only a microwave and a mini fridge in it, so if he didn't want to go hungry tonight he needed food. He wanted nothing more than to buy a pack of cigarettes, but he couldn't even do that with his little money and lack of ID.

He set down the items he bought onto the counter and waited for the cashier to ring him up. Each moment felt like an hour.

"That'll be $8.36."

"Thanks," Sawyer said, fishing through his pockets. He took out some crumbled bills and counted them out, then dropped the money into the man's open palm. "Keep the change." He needed the money, but he also needed to get out of here asap.

The cashier thanked him. As soon as Sawyer got his change back he left. He went outside with his bagged goods, thankful for the cool breeze outside.

It was already dark outside and he only had the light of the streetlamps to guide him back to his motel room.

It was cold tonight, almost freezing. He should've gotten a jacket from the store, but he'd be fine without one. If he froze to death that would be preferable to going back to Rowan.

Breathing in the crisp air helped him feel a little better, less like he was suffocating under the stress of being outside. At this rate, he was going outside even less than when he was in captivity.

He thought a car was about to pass him, but when it started to slow down by the curb Sawyer's heart nearly stopped.

The car... looked exactly like Rowan's.

Rowan had found him.

No no no no no no no no no no no...

His blood turned to ice and his stomach twisted into knots. All he could manage to do was take a few steps back, dropping his bags of food. The car door opened, and out stepped Rowan. His hair was messier than usual and he wore all black clothing, which was a stark contrast to the cozy wool sweaters and dress shirts that Sawyer was used to seeing him in.

Sawyer didn't waste a second on standing around in shock. He immediately bolted off running in the alleyway right behind him. His lungs were already burning but he couldn't let that stop him. He could hear Rowan call his name from far behind, echoing off the walls.

"Help me!" Sawyer shrieked, running faster than he ever had before. "Someone help me, please! Help-!"

His words were cut short when he ran face first into a brick wall. He blamed the poor lighting for his misstep, and the throbbing pain in his head kept him from getting up as fast as he wanted to.

Rowan slowed down. He was cornered, so he curled up into a ball in an attempt to make himself seem smaller. Maybe it would work. Maybe if he tried hard enough he would just disappear.

"Sawyer," Rowan breathed out, clearly exhausted. Sawyer wasn't sure what happened between the kidnapping and now, but it looked like he had gone through some shit too.

But whatever happened to him wasn't Sawyer's concern. This was his kidnapper, his tormentor, the man who abused him for months. He wasn't going to pity him.

Rowan collapsed on his knees, then pulled Sawyer close to him. It felt strange being so close to someone again; it made Sawyer feel dirty.

Even with the awkward position, Rowan was so much stronger than Sawyer. There was no way he was breaking free of his grip any time soon.

"I missed you so much..." Rowan muttered against Sawyer's hair, squeezing him tighter. "So so so much." His hot breath made Sawyer turn his face away. He was desperate to escape this, any of it. Rowan flashed a knife in his direction, and that was all it took for Sawyer to stop squirming.

The last thing he needed was another injury from his deranged stalker.

Rowan tutted, examining the side of his head with his free hand. "Oh, poor thing. I bet that hurt. But don't worry," he cooed, kissing his forehead. "I'm going to take care of you. That's why you did all of this right? You just wanted me to pay more attention to you." A dark chuckle escaped his throat. "Well, you'll get it, don't you worry."

Next thing Sawyer knew, Rowan had tucked the knife away somewhere in his coat, then forced him to his feet.

Sawyer was sure he was concussed and most likely had a broken nose, so his balance was compromised. But as always, Rowan managed to keep him upright.

He steered them out of the alley and to his car. He contemplated putting him in the trunk, but settled for the backseat instead, since it looked like his beloved wouldn't be awake for much longer.

"You can relax, my dear." Rowan kissed his bloody nose. Sawyer didn't even have the awareness to be disgusted. "Since the typical punishments aren't working on you, I think I've worked up a new solution. You're not allergic to ketamine, are you?"

[intoxicated-chan]

𝐓𝐰𝐨 ✠ ❝𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞❞

(A/n) ➳ Started playing the older games of Assassin’s Creed and when I tell you it’s so cuz I’m so used to Rogue/Black Flag controls. But you can expect some works for AC2 and Black Flag, maybe AC1 as well.

Word Count ➳ 1.6k

Content Warnings ➳ descriptions of violence, mentions of death, Chevalier being as asshole, talk about marriage/children...

Dreamers Masterlist

Liam held your arms firmly, his grip bruising. He pushed you into one of the rooms of the manor, the door slamming behind him with a loud thud, it was clear how frustrated and angry he was.  

You nearly hit the ground if it wasn’t for the desk you collided into, knocking over books and papers off the desk. You winced from the impact and were surprised by Liam’s action. You looked back at him, fearful.  

“Why did he do it?” You questioned, trembling under the eyes of your own brother. You dared not look at your arms and see the marks he left. But as scared you were, you were confused, you had no idea what went on.  

“Is it true what they say? That Shay stole the manuscript?” 

Liam paced back and forth, his hands clenched together. “You don’t understand. Shay betrayed us, betrayed the Brotherhood. There is no good reason for what he’s done.”  

“Yet you and I know him, Liam!” You insisted. “He would not do this without cause. Tell me, what happened in Lisbon?!”  

Liam froze as his head snapped in your direction. “You’re acting like a child.” He scoffed at you. “This is not a game! His choices put all of us in danger!”  

You flinched at his loud voice. “Then stop treating me like one! I can take care of myself!”  

“Can you?” He argued. “Chevalier could’ve shot you instead? Do you understand that? You could be dead because of Shay!”  

Yet you ignored his words and thought differently. “Shay had a reason.” You once again repeated. “And I intend to find out what it was, with or without you.” 

Liam pressed his lips together for a moment, his hands ran over his face as he was struggling to calm himself. “You will not.” He finally spoke. “You will stay here, on Davenport, and you will leave with me if I must.” He declared.  

“I will be keeping an eye on you.”  

You snorted, waving him off with a flick of your arm. But he remained stern, his gaze unwavering as he stared. Your smile slowly dropped when you realized that he was being genuine.  

“You cannot be serious!”  

“Would you like Chevalier to do the same?! I'm sure he would love ordering you around like a dog!”  

You stepped closer to him, getting in his face. “I am part of this Brotherhood just like you! I have fought by your side! I have fought for you all like the rest! Yet you treat me like- like-!”  

Liam grabbed your shoulder, and you froze in response. “Achilles will have you killed if you say another word.” As furious as he sounded, you could hear a crack in his voice. “I promised father that I would protect you, and I intend on to. Do you understand me?”  

Liam was right. Achilles would kill you if he caught of whiff of betrayal and Liam’s face solidified your answer. You knew that he tried to keep his anger from you, not wanting scare you away, and kept a kind face around you, yet he was honest this time. 

His eyes stared into yours, he watched as tears fell as you maintain a strong face. Or tried to. He saw right through your facade. He knew you were hurting, after all, Shay was your friend too. 

He engulfed you in his tight embrace, allowing you to cry in his arms. But he left you there. Alone.  

You cried in the room, collapsed to the ground. This time, you cried into your hands, truly believing the Shay was gone. Hope came moments later, trying to soothe your sobs by rubbing your back and whispering in your ears.  

Liam ignored the stares coming from everyone. He refused to speak to anyone, more like nobody dared to speak to him when they saw his face. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were narrowed.  

If Shay never fell down that cliff, he would’ve strangled him with his own hands for putting his sister in danger.

 

DAVENPORT HOMESTEAD, 1755 

Either you were brilliant or just blatantly lucky. The year without Shay was painfully long, yet all those days and nights spent in a room were trying to find anything that screamed Shay. But all of them were dead ends, you were starting to believe that it was all lost cause. 

Risking your position and your life... Was it all for nothing? Questioning your loyalty to the Brotherhood, was it all for nothing?  

You tossed your bag over your shoulder, carrying all the papers, scrolls, and maps of your search. You didn’t dare leave any of it behind in case someone came across it and reported it back to Achilles or Liam.  

You had gained permission from Liam to go on a mission without him. Your heart pounded quickly as you boarded Chevalier’s ship.  

It was bustling with activity from the crew, cleaning the deck of the ship, repairing damage, working on cannons or its mortars. You felt out of place, you clutched the strap of your bag tightly and stepped towards Chevalier carefully.  

He eyed you, arms crossed as his lips curled into a sneer. You opened your mouth to greet him, but he raised his hand, cutting you off. “If you try anything girl, you shall end like the cabbage farmer.” Chevalier advised.  

You nodded in agreement. “I will be out of your way.” You replied. “Captain.”  

He scoffed at you, heading towards the wheel of the ship. “Seems like you can listen.”  

You kept silent, knowing that any sign of disobedience would jeopardize your task. When he started barking his orders, you rushed below deck, pushing past the crew going up or down the steps.  

The ship sailed smoothly for hours, from word from the crew, it was a secure path that they often took to avoid the Royal Navy.

It was dark when the ship docked at a small settlement, and the crew, including Chevalier, went towards the tavern.  

Though a couple of members stayed on the ship, it was easy to slip past them and enter the captain’s cabin. The room was illuminated by candles, and many of them surrounded a large table.  

It was easy to tell that these were his maps, you flipped through the stacks, unrolling the scrolls until you found one that stuck out the most. You wanted to cheer with joy but instead you took out your own parchment and used Chevalier’s quill and ink to copy the actives of the Royal Navy.  

The minutes flew by, yet they felt like an eternity. You felt like you were sweating, your dominant hand nearly shaking from the panic. You had to get every detail correct, you could not afford to mess up.  

Suddenly, the sound of footsteps came from the deck outside. You gasped, dropping the quill and rolling up the maps, and carefully hiding them in your bag.  

Just as you were about to slip out the same way you came in, you heard voices approaching the cabin... Chevalier.  

You rushed away from the door, your eyes scanning the room for an escape route. You spotted a small window and hurriedly climbed through.  

You climbed the side of the ship, trying to remain calm as you heard the drunken shouts of the crew, the obnoxious singing and chatter did nothing but stress you out more.  

But you took your chance, landing on the deck of the ship. But no one had said a thing, they were drunk out of their minds or focused on the drunks. You were invisible to them.  

1757 

As rather small Davenport seemed to be, it was always active. You sat on a bench, watching the community go about their daily tasks. You watched as people cut down trees, prepared food, and parents playing with their children.  

“(Y/n).” He began from behind you, resting his arms against the bench. “What’s on your mind?” 

“Have you ever wished for kids?” You asked him, you didn’t look back at Liam. 

Liam looked in the direction you were looking. “If things had gone differently, there was a chance. A different life, perhaps.”  

You laughed. “You’ve told me time and time again that my life was supposed to be different. Apparently, you had it all worked out.” Now, you looked back at him and saw him grumble which made you laugh again. “And you’re still angry about that.”  

Liam sighed and took his place beside you. “I suppose I am. You were always stubborn. I don’t know why I thought you would just go along with what I had for you.”  

You leaned back and looked up at the sky, the cloud slowly passing by. “I’ve had this dream. A wonderful husband, a child or two. My husband works aboard for work, disappearing for months but always comes home.”  

He raised an eyebrow. “Am I in this dream of yours?” His tone was playful. 

“Yes. You’re married and have numerous of children.” You rolled your eyes, earning a jab from him.  

He laughed as well until it came to a halt. You hated how peaceful this moment was. And you hated having to tell your dream that was meant to have Shay in it to Liam. 

“I know you’d make a wonderful mother.” Liam started. “But I cannot see you watching your children grow.”  

“Excuse me?”  

“The life as an assassin is a life you cannot escape. We are bound to it. Whether you are a wife, a mother, or a sister, our duty comes first. And assassins... We don’t have the luxury of a future.”  

“It does not have to be that way.”  

“It’s the order of things, we cannot change it.”  

© Intoxicated-Chan 2024, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform without my permission.  

⊰ Chapter 1 ⊰ » » YOU’RE HERE « « ⊰ Chapter 3 ⊰

[agirlandherquill]

Ruin's Reprisal - WIP Intro

I was recently tagged by the lovely @mysticstarlightduck in a post of theirs and it inspired me so much I thought I'd put my own spin on it for my novel!

rules are simple, or to my mind, easily breakable (not that I will, because this rule is so broad and so fun) - pick a WIP and post something about it!

so without further ado, here's my WIP Intro!

Title - Ruin's Reprisal

Genre - Fantasy/High-Fantasy (if that's still a thing, sure hope so)

Tags - (ought to come up with some, shouldn't I? ah, well, I'll update this when I do!)

Synopsis - like me with my edits on the manuscript, it's a work in progress

Disgrace. Servant. Murderer.

Three people with nothing in common, except that they were wronged.

And now, they’re willing to do whatever it takes to make things right. Which means taking the one thing that their society rests on; its sins, its saints, its deaths and broken dreams.

The unlikely band of criminals are going to steal the crown.

Everything depends on one heist. Take the crown. Free themselves.

Will any of them survive? Or will they fall to the country that took everything from them? 

Only time will tell.

And they’re running out of it.

Plot Features, Tropes, A Little Warning Of The Chaos You'll Find

Heist. One big, life-risking, soul-aching heist

I killed for you. Because of you.

Life-saving debt, and then some

Royalty, a Court, and gut-wrenching normality - add a hint of rebellion while you're at it

Gifts and Curses, what's the difference?

My heart is in your hands, literally.

Morally Grey Characters

Deniable Feelings

Lies, lies, lies

A Wedding and A Funeral

I'm going to die. I AM GOING TO DIE.

Ballroom dances. Need I say more?

We had a plan. We had many plans. What now?

You love me. You won't hurt me.

Sacrifice

You made me feel. I need you to stop. I need you to break me because I cannot do it myself.

The Crown was never yours, it's mine.

You were supposed to come to me, to be with me, and I'd have made it all stop.

Slow-burn - light that fire, watch it burn

Limping into battle - best idea I've ever had.

Revenge. Revenge. Revenge.

He broke you? I'll destroy him.

I have hated you since the day I met you, and it still isn't enough.

Heroes and Villains

Light and Dark

Framing for a crime

Who knew a letter could destroy everything?

Character Portraits

Edeva Vitaire - Once a woman with everything: title, gowns, respect, the lot, now she is nothing more than an Exilza, someone exiled to the Half-Lands for a crime she did not commit. Edeva has learned the hardest of ways how someone can lose everything, and she knows what to sacrifice for revenge - she wants her mother's killer more than she wants her innocence restored, and she has only learned to survive in the wilds this long because of it. Mild-mannered by birth, spine steeled by survival, Edeva will do whatever it takes to get answers, even if it means partnering with the last person in the world she would want to help her.

Lucien Vaisey - Trained from birth to serve and protect the Alvarros, Aliria's Royal Family, Lucien understands duty more than most, and what it costs. His sword is at the mercy of other's commands, except when it comes to protecting those he cares for, then, this soldier truly becomes something fearsome.

Fenley Evander - Outcast by nature, damned in soul, Fenley is one of the few with a stomach for violence, and the darkened desire to do something with it. He kills for coin, to maintain a balance in the world, but there is no balance in himself. Plagued by a power deemed unnatural, Fenley is forced to hide his true nature, until the time calls for it. A dangerous man as ever lived, Fenley does not mourn for where his afterlife lies, instead he devours the fear others bestow upon him. He feeds the emptiness inside, and still he continues to hunger for something far harsher than violence - revenge, and to obtain it, he will stoop to wretched depths - manipulation, murder, and even betrayal - no man, nor woman, on this earth can possibly get in his way.

Chapters!

Part One:

Hunt & Hunter

Monsters & Mavericks

Saviour & Solace

Ashes & Absolution

Murders & Markets

Blood & Bravery

Cabins & Crime

Invitations & Irritation

Farewell & Forever

Emancipation & Exile

Puppet & Puppeteer

Part Two (this is as far as I've got with edits and changing chapter names so far, I'll update when I get more done)

Dance of Dismay

Lament of Larkhill

Rumours of Rage

Night of Nothing

Aches of Affliction

Trials of Twilight

Climb of Contemplation

Death of Diplomacy

My Inspiration!

This section is simply me getting to ramble about the things that stoked the fires of my imagination - movies, books, shows - songs, all the works! (as and when i recall/think of more, i'll add them to the list)

The Cruel Prince - had to go far into the depths of my memory for this one, but it was this series that truly got me invested in the likes of Fae and that sort of fantasy, and I took a lot of inspo from that! (in the early days, the Haelish were Fae but I wanted to go outside of that character stereotype and create my own fantasy bloodline/species, for lack of a better word)

Throne of Glass - to this day i'm still in awe of the world, the plot, the characters, everything and though i've only read it once parts of it have stuck with me

Six of Crows - the heist aspect of my novel shockingly came about before i'd read this but it certainly helped that part of the plot along

Red Queen - the villain of my novel, not saying who because who enjoys massive spoilers? (spoiler alert - not me), was deeply, deeply inspired from this series - I'd wager it was the first fantasy novel I'd read that gave me an insight into a truly 'dark' character, and I loved that, and of course, I used it as inspiration and to this day I am still torn between preferring a villainous character to a hero - it's one of the tropes I really, really enjoy

Far From Home by Sam Tinnesz - this was one of the very first songs I'd found for my initial writing playlist, and it's been played many, many times since

Lovely by Fleurie and Tommee Profitt - this embodied the regality and the tension that takes place in so many parts of my story, it was impossible not to be inspired

To Be Alone by Hozier - my ears will never forgive me for this, but it's true of any Hozier song, but this is one of my favourites

Pirates of the Caribbean - grew up watching these repeatedly, needless to say some of the characters did give me inspiration

The Mummy - one of my absolute favourite movies of all time, Rick O'Connell's attitude was an important factor for me to take inspiration from, he's such an interesting character

[kyndaris]

Preaching to the Chorus

About three years ago, Troy Baker pitched the idea of a video game musical called Chorus. What struck me, beyond the fact it was asking for donations as it was a crowdfunded project, were the high profile voice actors taking part, the art style, the bringing on of composer Austin Wintory and that it was being developed by an Australian developer! Years later, there was almost no word or hint of the game and I feared the worst. For a good long while, I wondered if I had just imagined the game being announced. Until, of course, Summerfall Studios announced the upcoming release of Stray Gods in August 2023! Suddenly, we had a release date and songs to enjoy after years of what had felt like absolute silence.

Yes, Chorus had changed its name but it was still the same premise I was promised: an urban fantasy Greek-mythology inspired musical where I got to make decisions on where the songs went. Needless to say, I was excited!

Despite it releasing in August, I didn't get to play the game until much later in 2023 when I finally got a bit of a breather between all my lengthy video games sucking up most of my time (and the fact I work full-time and commit to writing my stories and watching endless TV shows to be up-to-date on whatever is popular). Well, no. That's a lie. I've put a few games on the back burner like Octopath Traveler II and Like a Dragon: Ishin! (they are totally going to be played soon, I promise!)

In any case, I purchased the game while it was on sale (a measly 20% or so) and then stepped into the shoes of Grace. And almost immediately connected with her feelings of being cast adrift. Like so many people who have graduated university, and who didn't immediately apply for graduate programs, she's a little lost and unsure of her direction in life. Enter Calliope.

After the two share a duet together, Grace returns to the apartment she shares with longtime best friend: Freddie. As she rests, there's a knock on the door and lo! Calliope staggers through clutching a ghastly wound. With her last breath, she passes on her eidolon (the soul? and memories of an Idol) before dying in poor traumatised Grace's arms.

As Grace, understandably, panics, at the sudden turn of events, Hermes steps through the front door and tells Grace she needs to meet the Chorus. Within moments, Grace is taken to an upscale office room where she is greeted by Apollo, Persephone, Aphrodite and Athena. Before Grace can get a word in edgewise, these Idols (as the Gods now call themselves - although it makes me wonder if other pantheons exist in this world created by Summerfall), decide to execute Grace for the crime of maybe-possibly killing Calliope. That is until Apollo protests.

And protest he must consider later plot points. Such as him divulging the prophecy leading to Calliope's murder!

Honestly, so much of the story could have been resolved if Apollo stopped being a sad boy and actually used some brains to more cleverly resolve Grace's predicament. Instead, we have Grace run around the city for a week in a bid to prove her innocence and figure out the truth behind Calliope's death.

But what a wonderful week it was as several Idols help out, from the fast-talking Pan to the scary Medusa (with a very cute monster voice from Anjali Bhimani). But who can forget, and forgive me as a I fan myself and swoon over, the dommy mummy: Persephone. The design! The voice! The attitude? Gosh, I just wanted Persephone to step all over me. And considering the height difference she had over Grace?

Just...

I'm just going to die in a corner over here now.

Anyways, diversion aside, the plot was serviceable. It wasn't the most mindblowing story to be told but I liked how it introduced us to many of the Greek Gods and mythological creatures hiding in America, whilst weaving it in the murder mystery plot at its core. While the game threw out new leads often, I didn't ever feel an urgency to solve the crime or fear I'd not be able to figure out the murderer. Sherlock Holmes, this is not.

Rather, no matter which scenes you may wish to complete first (and I always went back to the Underworld to chat up Persephone), I feel like the end-point is almost always the same with our villain being unmasked as the smiling cookie-giver!

From a gameplay perspective, Stray Gods doesn't offer much. It's pretty much a visual novel where the player selects dialogue options or the next part of the song they wish to sing. There's no walking around or exploring the wondrous set pieces you find yourself in. Nor is there any random clicking on background objects for some light commentary or to pocket away clues to be presented at some other time.

In fact, there's no real animation to the game either. Most of the characters are stills, changing their posture as the dialogue or songs demand. Like flipping through a comic book or going from pane to pane.

But what does make Stray Gods stand out are the songs. Yes, there are some where I felt like it faltered: Asterion and Hecate's song (with the volume turned way too low) and some of the weaker blue options in Challenging a Queen. To me, it just wasn't as melodic as they could be and sounded a little jarring. Still, these were glossed over by several other standout songs like The Throne and the Ritual.

Speaking of The Ritual, while I did feel for Aphrodite, I didn't much like her selfish actions of dying and passing her trauma onto another poor soul. Like, either go to therapy and work on your issues or just die permanently and stop inflicting someone else with your trauma! Forgetting is not the path forward. And maintaining the cycle of the next Aphrodite reawakening to your traumatic memories of the Second World War whilst your son, Eros, deals with the fallout is NOT healthy.

On a side note, I liked how the melody of Adrift was used in the background of the game and was also revisited during The Trial.

As for the actual singing, I'm still impressed by the singing of so many of the voice actors. I mean, I wasn't surprised by Troy Baker considering he was a musician before he was a voice actor. And Felicia Day...well, considering I'd stumbled upon her back in her The Guild days, knew she could sing because of the songs she released. And the fact she appeared in Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog alongside Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion.

While I did like Laura Bailey, there were moments when I felt her vocals were just a little too raw and weren't able to hit the notes as well as could be. No shade on Laura, though. I love Laura Bailey! And she had a tough task with so many variations to sing!

Still, I did like her rapping. MORE LAURA BAILEY RAPPING PLEASE! Especially in the Challenging a Queen song.

But I do wonder what Stray Gods might have been like if we had actual Broadway actors brought in for the singing with stronger vocals and/ or melodies.

But I must say, my absolute favourite singer was Mary Elizabeth McGlynn. How could I not? She voiced Persephone! And I so wanted to romance her!

In the end, though, I foiled my chances because I was trying to play in-character by asking myself 'What would Grace do?' in most situations, especially when she was down in the Underworld and was especially traumatised by her best friend's death.

So, yes. I obviously brought Freddie back and the two ended up getting together in one of the more wholesome relationships there is in the game. Because, if you ask me, Pan? He just shows up out of the blue and is all sneaky-sneaky. A girl with her head on her shoulders wouldn't immediately fall for him, even if his intentions were good.

And Apollo? I know my friend @mrsarmageddon likes a 'I-can-fix-him-sad-boy' but he was too set in his ways and a little too unwilling to be of any proper assistance until all his secrets had been unveiled.

As for Persephone, she's a very angry woman and also wouldn't have been a healthy choice considering her romance with CALLIOPE in the past. Still, I couldn't help but want her step on me.

I don't know what that says about me. I'm probably secretly a sub/ omega who just wants someone to take care of me.

But let's not dwell on what this revelation could be and instead talk about how Stray Gods pushed the gaming genre to try and be more inclusive in ways no-one had thought of before. Beyond that, I loved the characters. The narrative, while simplistic, was entertaining enough to pull me through my initial playthrough of six and a bit hours. So, it's not even all that long. Which is perfect when you're gainfully employed and have a ton of time-consuming hobbies.

The one major downside to me was the fact it didn't have a chapter select after the first playthrough. If it did have it, allowing me to skip ahead to say 'Act 3' to redo my conversation with Persephone so I could romance her, or skip to certain songs so I could try out different combinations or variations, it would have heightened the gaming experience for me. Instead, Stray Gods forced me to play through the entire game again just for the occasional tweaks I wanted to do in my playthrough.

And now, during The Game Awards 2023, there's been an announcement for ANOTHER musical game called Harmonium. And it features sign language! So, it's definitely something I want to keep an eye on!

YES! TO MORE VIDEO GAME MUSICALS!

But also, don't let it become too overly saturated. During the Game Awards, I couldn't help but notice more Souls-like battle systems, using Japan as a setting (for Western developers) and more mechs/ robots.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and admire the Queen of the Underworld a little bit more. For perfectly REASONABLE purposes.

[yallemagne]

Van Helsing, I love you, I am sorry, I have read this book several times over, I know all that has happened and will happen, and I still have trouble believing your bullshit---

First up, JONATHAN!!! My babygirl is BACK, and I love to hear his voice. He's filled with new energy but there is still that shakiness, that anxiety. The firm certainly mixed with the moments of fear and reflection aghh.

Van Helsing's preaching about Mina is so patronizing I want to slap him, oh my god. He is earnest, but lauding Mina as some heavenly symbol is just... bad news. No one can place someone on a pedestal that high while also regarding them as a human being and not an idol. Van Helsing adores her, but he still has yet to respect her.

VH: "Madam Mina told you against my orders?? And you are not dead??"

Jonathan: "Oh, actually, maybe the stress of not knowing and forcing myself to ignore the signs around me was really bad for my health. If it went on any longer, I probably could have worried myself to death."

VH: "Hahaha... you tell me... that secrecy meant to protect can harm instead?"

Jonathan: "Yep."

VH: "I MUST TELL FRIEND JOHN BEFORE HE HAVE THE STROKE!!"

Jack sounds more shaky than ever. The uncertainty that plagued Jonathan but is gone now has been afflicting Jack instead, but he does not acknowledge it. It doesn't help that Van Helsing...

Lissen. He's taking his first baby steps into being fully honest with Jack. And by that I mean he burst into Jack's asylum, shoved a newspaper in his face, and proceeded to scold him for not being into spiritualism. I don't blame Jack a single second for his difficulty.

Little tangent: THAT ISN'T HOW VAMPIRE BATS WORK YOU FUCKKER. Have you SEEN how tiny they are? A vampire bat would sooner balloon up and POP before it could drain the blood from a grown man's veins. What you have to worry about with vampire bat bites is rabies or infection not fuckinogn complete exsanguination, you madman. Jack doesn't know about bats, of course, but I DO and I might not know about parrots or GIANT SPIDERS IN SPANISH CHURCHES, BUT I DO KNOW BATS. Vampire bats are tiny. The absolute biggest bats in the New World don't drink blood, they eat birds and rodents and smaller bats. VH, stop shit-talking real bats.

That aside.

He berates Jack for doubting before Jack has even had the chance to doubt. Part of the reason Jack hasn't come to the conclusion that it is vampires... isn't that he's written it off as impossible. It's that he doesn't know what the fuck vampires are. And VH doesn't even bother to say the word vampire. He accuses Jack's dead friend of attacking young children before he even explains the concept of vampires.

Jack presuming that the creepy mortician stole Lucy's body is a reasonable conclusion with the information he has. The idea that Lucy has risen from the grave and is biting children now is NOT A REASONABLE CONCLUSION WITH THE INFORMATION HE HAS.

Van Helsing knew that Jack would have a hard time believing. He knew, so he tried to prime Jack's brain for the mic drop, but sir, spouting a bunch of urban legends about immortality and blood-drinking and then saying "I just need you to blindly believe me" is not good priming. It's just not it, chief.

"I didn't want to hurt you with the reveal, hence why I yelled at you about science and spiritualism and parrots for like eight minutes before finally getting to the point and accusing your dead crush of abducting and harming children."

There was a better way to go about telling Jack, Van Helsing. I don't know what it is. All I know is that you have gone about it in possibly the worst way, and you are not allowed to be annoyed with Jack for even a second, you mad lad. You made your bed, now sleep in it.

[venomander]

Sims 2 Must-Have Mods

I've seen many different Simblrs post their "essential mod" lists, so I thought I'd make one myself. This is more of a highlight reel than anything else, pointing out my favorites.

Aspiration

Alternative For Permaplat - Replaces "permaplat" with the FreeTime ability to cheat death.

Growing Up Wants Panel - Want/fear slots come from birthdays instead of university. I use an edited version of this that changes the positive reward minimum from gold aspiration to green.

Mood Mod: Advanced Version - Factors a Sim's recent memories and aspiration meter into their mood meter.

Food

Auto Store Food - Sims autonomously put away leftovers. (Note: This may need tweaking to prevent it from happening at dorms and restaurants.)

Breakfast At Midnight - Removes mealtime restrictions for all Maxis meals, allowing breakfast for dinner, dinner for lunch, etc.

Dinner For 8 - Changes the amount of servings for Maxis meals from six to eight, feeding a whole family.

Leftover Hack - When Sims decide to cook or get a snack, they'll find their leftovers and choose to eat those instead.

No Food Serving - Stops Sims from serving meals. Instead, they put the meal on the counter and take a serving for themselves. (Unpublished; Shared by Rudhira in the Lazy Duchess Discord server.)

Work Deliver - Sims have a chance of bringing home groceries or pizza when arriving home from work.

Parenthood

Alt Pregnancy Controller Lite - Adds a chance of cramping and/or miscarriage if pregnant Sims aren't taking care of themselves.

Baby Toddler Mod - Fixes problems with Maxis code, and implements a breastfeeding interaction.

Kids & Pets Unattended - Stops the Social Worker from trying to abduct your children if the adults are off-lot for too long.

Romance

Autonomous Casual Romance - You know what this is.

Adults Go Steady + Marriage Traditional - Allows adult & elder Sims to have boyfriends/girlfriends. Also picks the traditional (male) last name when straight Sims get married.

Friendly Break-Up - Allows Sims to break up with their partner, regardless of relationship level.

Just Be Friends - Allows Sims to put an end to non-committal romances.

More Realistic Aspiration Attraction + Zodiac Overhaul - Massive overhaul to the chemistry system, making aspiration combos and zodiac combos more realistic.

RS Attraction - Fixes problems with Maxis code, and adds secondary aspirations when calculating attraction.

RS Slower Feelings - Makes romance less instant.

Social

Auto Greet - Playable sims have a chance of autonomously greeting walkbys if they can see them.

Auto Lateral Calls - Sims automatically redirect phone calls, or reject them if the recipient's unavailable.

Children Can Throw Parties - Lets child-aged Sims organize their own parties. No idea why Maxis didn't.

TS1 Prank Calls - Converts the random prank/spam calls system from The Sims 1.

Work

All Careers In The Newspaper - Allows any sim to join the careers that previously required a university degree. (Artist, Natural Scientist, Paranormal, Show Business).

Some Jobs While Flunking - Removes the grade requirement for some teen careers, e.g. Criminal.

Misc

Sims2RPC - Custom launcher with a built-in fix for First Born Syndrome. Also has settings for lot impostor detail and the cost of using the Design Tool.

Birthday Suit Overlays - DR; Transparent overlays for supernaturals that work with nearly any custom skintone.

Glass Update - DR; Fixes every window/door in the game to have clear glass instead of blue.

More Walkbys + Car Passbys - What it says on the tin. It works automatically & requires no lot-specific setup.

Object Freedom - Makes every object shiftable, and greatly reduces the need for walk-through tiles or the Move Objects cheat. (Note: This may result in some funky object placement, like two children placing their homework on the same tile.)

Shrub Teleport - Turns every shrub on a lot into a well-organized Sim spawner. It lists Sims in surname alphabetical order, and gives the age and sex of each sim (i.e. "ch+m" for child+male).

[hypnogogyc]

i think whats fun about terminal velocity is that if oliver was a buried avatar they probably .. wouldnt get along? what with the vast and the buried being so opposite that even a vast-touched person can bring a whole buried ritual down (mag 129). instead olivers an end avatar, which is so similar to the buried (people who die are put in coffins, or left to rot and become part of the ground itself) but is very distinctly its own entity. idk if mike Would dislike a buried avatar - he probably wouldnt care - but its fun to think about. especially since such a common symbol of death in many cultures (a coffin) seems to be much more buried-related in tma. tv are like opposites but Not

also ive been Thinking abt ur domain ask but my brain is so small i cant come up with anything on par with s5 LOL ill answer it eventually though. jonny stop being good at creating horror hellscapes :(

AHA yeah i think Oliver is definitely easier to charm than Mike. To me even a relationship can be a sort of confinement (and Mike to me puts effort to being defined by who he is at his core, and being a extension of a pair might sit weird with him). End and Vast works as wonderful sides of the same coin but if Oliver was buried it’d be an interpretation of death as not just Death or release through death but as comfort in letting the pressure consume you. Which i feel is very small-scale and human because yes overwhelming but also it’s specifically a fear you take comfort in to avoid a human issue. To be buried in the earth is to allow yourself to be a speck in the dirt and that wouldn’t mesh with Mikes life philosophy at all. I think Mike wouldn’t care but would look down on them and think of them less.

Also dw i asked outta fun tyt hehe i had a fun domain idea i made for myself but its too cool n I’ll probably shove it in a oc

[kopivie]

oh and for the record, i don't hate god. i just don't understand why christianity and catholicism seem to use fear and punishment as its way of keeping people in line.

growing up, what made me happiest was engaging in honors with my friends. (for context, pathfinders to adventists is what boy/girl scouts are to literally everyone else, but with added evangelism, camping, outreach, etc.) i loved attending youth congress every january, where i could be in a fancy hotel and learn how to become a leader in my adventist community. i love -- and still love -- teaching drilling and marching and drumming in a drum corps. hell, my favorite method of evangelism was standing in a subway station with my club and singing and praying for people who just needed some comfort for the day.

what bothered me to my core was the constant need for the adults to whip us into shape using religious threats. what would god say? don't use his name in vain (which, for the record, is completely different from what i was told growing up). god hates transgender people. we will never hold gay marriages. even if you are gay and a dedicated adventist, we can fix that. bad things happen to you because god said it was supposed to happen to you.

ooh, and my all-time favorite: if you're depressed, just give it all to god and he'll fix it.

but i thought this was part of his plan? oh, was me being suicidal a step too far?

i fully understand that human beings need to cling on to something higher than themselves. that's why we have astrology and several different religions (nontheistic religions included). the feeling that the universe has something planned for you, or that some higher power will comfort you when no one else will is... a nice thought. even though i avoid church like the plague, i still find myself relinquishing my troubles to god in a pinch. (hell, i'm listening to gospel right now to ease my anxiety so i can focus on studying.)

the thing that steers me away from religion, however, is the lack of agency that i apparently have. god's time isn't working for me. the rest of the world isn't like me, might not know god the way i know him. the world doesn't function on god's clock -- the world functions on a 24-hour or 12-hour clock, okay? i have deadlines, payments to make, things at risk. i can't wait around for god to help me. and oh no, god forbid i get mad with god in my impatience – there are several stories in which people are harshly punished for that. it's almost like being a human being with natural emotions is punishable by death in lots of scenarios.

or in my case, punishable by social exile. bc in the end, the issue will always be with the churchgoers and not the deity itself. (in my story it's the other way around, but we move.) the people who watched me grow up, even close family friends, all treated me like a pariah because i did things like cut and dye my hair and get piercings. i was a babysitter and role model for many kids -- suddenly, their parents are telling them to stay away from me and giving me dirty looks. god's not doing that – the people are.

but that's how you end up with people like me; people who don't know where to direct their frustrations and anger and resentment. do i blame the people? do i blame god? do i blame myself? and if i withdraw my faith in god, can i stop feeling this terrible? where does his plan end and mine begin?

idk, man. religion is weird. you can see why i want to explore this idea of humans relying on themselves instead of a higher power that quite frankly, can't be trusted.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Crush

After dealing with some (boring, if you ask him) sect business in Gusu, young sect leader Jin Ling decided he should pay a visit to his uncle Wei Wuxian as well. He was around, anyway and, after all, Jin Ling held great admiration for both his uncle and his husband, Hanguang-Jun, not to mention it would have been rude for him not to drop by before making his way back to Jinlintai.

It was only Wei Wuxian tinkering about in the jingshi by the time Jin Ling arrived, Lan Wangji still caught up with teaching classes to juniors, so the two sat at the table and shared tea (regretfully not wine, because Jin Ling still had official business in the area).

"So... I have something to ask you..." Jin Ling began, trying not to look like an embarrassed 15 year old and live to the courage his almost 20 years of age should have brought him.

"Oh? What is it? Is someone giving you trouble? I can kill them if you want. Or at least put the fear of God in them."

Jin Ling made an incredulous face. "No, nothing like that. And I can do that myself now, just so you know."

"You don't look that scary to me." Wei Wuxian laughed, sipping his tea. "So what's up then?"

"...if I were to, theoretically, like someone-"

"Wait, is it Jingyi?" Wei Wuxian interrupted, a bit too excited. "Please tell me it's him, I have this bet with Lan Zhan, and he thinks it's Zizhen but I think it's Jingyi, and if I win-"

"Oh my God, this was a mistake..."

"Or... is it Sizhui?" Wei Wuxian took on a slightly more serious stance. "If it's Sizhui, then this conversation might go a bit differently."

Jin Ling really wished he had some wine in his cup at that moment so he could have downed it all.

"I'm not telling you who it is! And I'm only asking you cause uncle Jiang is useless at this kind of stuff and you're married so I guess you should know how to go about stuff like that..."

Wei Wuxian sighed, a bit sheepish. "I'm glad you trust me for advice on this but, um, you do know how Lan Zhan and I confessed and got together, right? I mean, don't get me wrong, it worked out for us amazingly and I love Lan Zhan very much but it took us 13 years, two lifetimes and a life or death situation to realize our own feelings as well as each otber's... so I don't know what you expect me to say to you."

"Oh. Right. But anyway it's not like I have anyone else to ask so give me an idea at least."

"Hm, you could just go on an old fashioned date night? Have something to eat, you both like drinking..."

"Stop assuming it's Jingyi!"

"Force of habit!" Wei Ying laughed again and Jin Ling had enough self control not to crush the cup in his hand.

"You should be sober when expressing your feelings." Lan Zhan's voice suddenly came, the man having nearly soundlessly entered the jingshi and heard the two talking.

Wei Ying wanted to laugh a bit. Considering their history, that was quite a funny thing to come out of Lan Zhan's mouth.

"Hanguang-Jun." Jin Ling bowed slightly. "I actually agree with that, I doubt alcohol is a good idea in such situations."

"You should find a quiet, private place and confess your feelings."

Wei Ying wanted to laugh again but decided to hide in his tea cup instead, Lan Zhan almost glaring at him when his grin nearly became laughter. He would get teased about this for sure after Jin Ling left.

"There is no need for grand gestures. Be open and honest, and if the person you fancy does not return your feelings, accept the rejection with grace."

Wei Ying leaned his chin into his palm, a smirk playing at his lipsm "You're an expert at this relationship stuff, huh, Lan Zhan."

The tips of his ears dusted pink. "The youth should not make the same mistakes we did." Then, addressing Jin Ling again, "Good luck in your endeavors."

"You'll definitely need it." Wei Ying added and this time started laughing for real, the expression on his nephew's face too similar to Jiang Cheng's not to find it amusing.

--

"Who is it?" Lan Zhan asked after they'd bid goodbye to Jin Ling a few hours later.

"I have no idea, he wouldn't tell me!"

Lan Zhan looked only a little disappointed. "We will find out soon enough."

"Yeah, I guess so..." Wei Ying opened a jar of wine and unceremoniously gulped almost a half of it before speaking again. "Anyway, I'm still sure it's Jingyi."

Lan Zhan undid his forehead ribbon and tied it around one of his husband's wrists before taking the jar of wine and drinking some himself. "Wei Ying should not be so confident while being wrong."

Wei Ying let himself be dragged into bed. "And Hanguang-Jun should not be so sure his opinion is fact, either."

Lan Zhan decided not to say anything and silenced Wei Ying with a kiss instead.

[freakingwizards]

We have squirrels in our attic. Although they were just vaguely annoying at first they recently escalated into a hazard. About a month ago I went to turn on my bathroom lights but they flickered ominously and went out instead. Someone peeled back the insulation in the attic and confirmed that the squirrels had started gnawing on the wires. So someone needed to get the squirrels out of the attic. I decided it would be me.

I trapped the first two squirrels in about a week. Those first two were surprisingly easy. I used a humane catch-and-release trap which I baited with peanut butter and nuts. I spread the peanut butter on the trigger that needs to be pushed down to set the trap off. The idea was that the squirrels would try to lick or scrape of the peanut butter on the trigger, which would spring the trap. In that first week, when I caught two squirrels in just a few days, I was pretty pleased with myself.

But there's one more up there. For a month, every night, I check the trap after supper, then lie awake in my bed while I listen to it chewing. It scratches at my walls like it's trying to break through them. And not only has it evaded capture, but it hasn't even taken a single nut from the trap.

I think I know why. The morning after the night I set the trap the first time, after my bathroom lights stopped working but before I figured out the trick with the peanut butter, I found the trap triggered, but with nothing trapped inside it. I think that the squirrel that's still in the attic set off the trap without being trapped. Which would mean that the squirrel knows the trap is a trap. Which is a problem because how do I trap a squirrel in a trap when the squirrel knows it's a trap?

Enter fruit loops.

Someone once told me that fruit loops are like cocaine for rats. If you have a rat problem, you start by feeding them fruit loops. They'll get hooked. Then, you start leaving the fruit loops out in the open (the center of your driveway, your lawn, the sidewalk). Rats normally avoid open spaces like this sense it makes them easy prey for things like owls, but if they're hooked on the fruit loops, they'll willingly go into the open to eat them. Then (the theory goes) the neighborhood owls will find the rat buffet you have prepared for them and take care of things for you.

I figure the same principle applies to squirrels and squirrel traps. If I get the squirrel hooked on fruit loops, and then I bait the trap with fruit loops, it won't matter if the squirrel knows about the trap. If the squirrel wants fruit loops more than it fears death, the natural course of action will be to knowingly walk into the trap and eat fruit loops.

I'm just not sure how I feel about feeding the squirrels that are chewing the electrical wires rat cocaine.

[the-autistic-agoraphobe]

Happy Disability Pride Month.

Trigger Warning: ablism, abuse, eugenics, neglect and suicide.

Here are my thoughts on the Disability Pride Flag:

I like the Disability Pride flag as it respects all disabilities and disabled people. It would be nice to see it more in the media like the LGBTQI+ flag because about 20% of the world's population is disabled and it is important for us disabled people to see ourselves represented.

The colour black is a colour of mourning for disabled people who have died as victims of ablism, abuse, neglect, suicide, illness and eugenics. I believe it's very important to remember the lives that have been lost to these causes and I hope one day disabled people will live without fear of any of these causes of death.

The colour green represents sensory Disabilities such as deafness and blindness. I think Deaf/ deaf people are clever because they have created many signed languages and I am learning Auslan (Australian Sign Language) which has become a special interest to me. Braille was invented by a blind man named Louis Braille who invented the style of text when he was only 15 years old. Braille is widely used by the blind population today.

Blue represents psychiatric disabilities. Which is important to me as someone with Agoraphobia. Agoraphobia isn't referred to as being a Disability very often and I am glad that the flag recognises it as a Disability. Agoraphobia affects me everyday and makes everyday things really hard for me too do or even impossible for me to do. I feel like Agoraphobia disabled me alot and people with Agoraphobia need more support and awareness.

White represents invisible disabilities and undiagnosed disabilities. As some with 2 hidden disabilities I feel like white represents me well. Alot of people with hidden disabilities get judged for using disabled parking and disabled toilets. Once I was judged for using disabled toilets at school as I was using them because I kept getting bullied in the girls toilets and the teachers told me to use the disabled toilets instead. I think judging people for using disabled toilets and disabled parking needs to stop and we should be considerate and aware that not all disabilities are visible. I think the sunflower lanyard is a great idea to make people aware of hidden disabilities. I also think more work should be done to make the wait for diagnosing Autism less long. Autistic diagnosis is important because Autistic people can have a sense of Autistic identity and get the support they need.

Yellow represents neurodiversity. Neurodiversity is a term used to express different kinds of brains. There are many different neurotypes which include Autism, ADHD, Downs Syndrome, Dementia, Foetal Alcohol Syndrome and many more. When one is neurodivergent it means that their brain is different to most people's brains. I myself am neurodivergent as I am Autistic. My grandfather is neurodivergent because he is dyslexic.

Red represents physical disabilities. There is a large range of physical disabilities which include Cerebal Palsy, Dwarfism, Limb differences, spinal cord injuries and many more. A physically disabled people may use mobility aids and the mobility aids they use may vary from day to day. I believe that buildings need to be more Accessible for people with physical disabilities. My best friend has a physical disability.

Thank you for taking time to read my article. I am proud of all the disabled people who have fought to make the world a better more inclusive place and a less ablest place. I hope the world will be a better and less ablist place and the future and the disability pride flag will be recognised by more people.

Image Description: This is a picture of the disability pride flag. The disability pride flag is black and has five diagonal stripes going across it. The stripes are each a different colour in this order: green, blue, white, yellow and red. End Description.

[mjart12699]

Work Song

It’s cold today. Winter is making its way through Vesuvia, cloaking everything in sheets of ice and the first round of snow. The black sands of The Lazaret stick to my shoes with a mixture of slush, but it doesn’t bother me.

I no longer go to the coliseum. Ever since I broke out with Inanna I’ve stayed in the forest as much as I can if I can count on it. However, the things needed to survive cost money, and I cannot rely on Asra for everything. So for the moment I work on the Lazaret, the quarantine island where those afflicted with the plague are sent to spend their final days. I dig the graves here, whether they be for multiple bodies or just one.

Setting my shovel down for a moment, I look at how far I have made it with preparing the grave in front of me.

It’s one of the mass ones, shallow enough that the bodies, wrapped in cloth or burnt to ash will be piled on top of each other in a careless fashion. I’ve worked here long enough to know that it’s not that the other people working here don’t care, it’s just that it’s easier on the body and mind this way.

Another breath taken and I am back to digging the sand, ignoring the ache in my shoulders as I push the shovel into the ground again and again. The building where they cremate the bodies roars in the distance, and the sound of other shovels hitting the sand accompanies it in a disgusting tune.

It’s all too familiar.

Someone starts bringing out bodies from one of the quarantine buildings in a wheelbarrow, dumping them next to the pit before going back inside to retrieve more. Once I’ve finished digging out the last layer I start to arrange the bodies in their final resting place, always making sure to be careful and give them one more act of gentleness in the last light.

I’m used to bodies having some post-death reactions, such as sighs or groans, but the one I pick up now manages to flail. It shocks me enough that I nearly drop them.

They are small, probably a child if I had to guess. I pull back the burial cloth from their face, kneeling into the sands and bracing myself for what I might see.

I am met with a classic plague victim, but instead of being dead this one is still alive. The whites of their eyes are red, and the blood vessels on their face and neck are purple and crimson as well. Their face is gaunt, showing no sign of the baby fat that was probably there just the other week. They feel like a bag of bones in my arms, much like the other dead, but despite that their heart still beats softly in their chest.

Even with the near blindness they have, their eyes shine with recognition, and fear as they gasp for air. Their chest rattles audibly with the movement, and I try to set them back into the sands to continue with the others.

“Wait!” At first I don’t hear it, a whisper in the wind that could easily be ignored, but for some reason I do as I am asked. “Please… don’t want to be alone…” Logically, it’s a bad idea. Even with the cloth mask I wear by the doctors recommendations on the island the plague is still incredibly contagious, taking the life of anyone no matter their circumstances. However, I do as I am asked and continue to hold them, forcing myself to relax and not quite meeting their gaze.

“You’re… you’re The Scourge, right?” The child manages to say between coughs and wheezes, the words like knives to me. I nod in response. “What are you doing here? You’re not sick.” I take a few moments to think of an answer.

“I needed a job.” They try to nod, only to go into a violent coughing fit. I sit them up forward, trying to ease their pain just a little. Once that stops they still breathe heavily, as if they had been drowning.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they were, judging from what the doctors say.

I half expect them to stay quiet, to ease into a permanent sleep and for the thrum of their pulse to stop fluttering. Death seems to be watching, closer than it normally feels and yet far away at the same time, not yet ready to collect them.

Of course I’m wrong again.

“You’re being kind to me… why did you fight then?” Kids are always straight to the point, although I can’t fault them for their words. Adults are worse, especially since you know that they know what their words mean.

“To protect someone.” There’s no point in lying, or trying to avoid their questions. They seem to accept that, leaning into my arm as though it was a pillow.

It’s started to snow again, little white flakes falling through the sky and melting on the kids' cheeks. “I really wanted to see the first snow.”

“You did.”

“From my window, at home.” Another coughing fit interrupts them, their cheeks, which were already red, turning an even brighter shade. “I don’t feel it though.” That’s no surprise to me. The clothes that they had been wearing in the quarantine building are thin, and the burial cloth isn’t much better. Their skin looks nearly gray in the cold light, the only color coming from the angry streaks of red on their face and neck.

I watch as people walk across the sands, wrapped in thick coats to protect from the disease and the elements. A luxury the dead and dying aren’t afforded.

It doesn’t matter if they soon won’t feel anything. I take off my cloak, the fur dull but still warm, and adjust it to wrap around their small frame. My hair whips in the cold wind behind me, making me wince as it stings against my back.

The kid nearly melts into the material, closing their eyes and rubbing their cheek against the dark fur. I can no longer see their chest moving, or the thrum of their pulse beneath their throat as they sigh into the material, but they seem content. That’s all that matters.

“What’s your real name?” Once again, there is no point in avoiding the question, but the fear-like feeling that rises in my chest nearly prevents my answer.

“Muriel… My name is Muriel.”

“Hm… that’s a nice name.” I’ve never thought so before, only being told the same thing by one other person. “I’m going to die soon… aren’t I?” A simple nod is all I give them once again, the tight feeling in my chest slowly growing. “Will you stay with me?” It’s a quiet request, but said with all the bravery they can muster. Once again, I nod.

The sun in the gray sky looks nearly white, just like the frost that covers the ground and falls around us. The chill makes my skin prickle with goosebumps, a feeling all too familiar to me yet again, but I don’t even think of taking my cloak back. The crematorium continues to roar behind us, and its warmth is of no comfort in the cold. Their breathing continues to slow, minute after minute, although it feels like hours. The ragged sound in their chest seems louder than the chains I wear on my neck, and the coughs from them and others boom in my ears.

They take their last breath when the sun finally sets, mere minutes after I had picked them up in the first place. I don’t take my cloak back, instead choosing to wrap the burial cloth around their face once again and tuck them into the fur as though they were simply going to bed once again. My entire body aches from the cold as I lay the other bodies in the grave first, arranging them gently as I’ve always done.

The last body is wrapped in furs, the white cloth covering their small face barely peeking through before I pick up the shovel again and fill the grave with sand.

The snow continues to fall as I finish what last tasks I am given for the night, falling harder and harder as the hours pass. By the time everyone is taking the last boat home it’s heavy enough that all have donned their hats and cloaks, their forms like solid shadow in the flurry.

I stay on the back of the boat like always, my eyes downcast to the floor of the craft in the same manner as everyone else.

Walking home feels like a chore, even as the streets empty for the frigid night ahead I feel the gaze of those who knew what I have done follow me through the cobblestone streets. They only stop when the stone begins to turn to dirt and roots.

Inanna meets me halfway home, walking silently next to me and nudging her cold nose against my hand. The hut is cold when I open the door, and I make sure to kick any excess snow off before going further inside. It takes time for the house to warm once I start the fire, and I busy myself with other things in the meantime.

“Where is your cloak?” I feel her words more than hear them, Inanna’s voice ringing through my head as I stir the leftover dinner from yesterday in the pot.

“Someone else needed it.”

[alex-guerin]

I had a Death Wish when I left for work today. I was backing out of the driveway and saw something hanging from our little garden flag. I had noticed it last night when I got home but thought it was something Coonhound related (we have 3 and my mom is obsessed with them so....). So, I hadn't thought anything of it.

Then I saw it...a flag with Trump's mugshot on an old fashioned wanted poster saying, "WANTED FOR PRESIDENT" I slammed on my breaks, threw my Jeep in park, got out and ripped it off it's little flag pole so fast I'm surprised nothing ripped or broke. I crumpled it up and threw it on the floor of the front seat and left for work. Got to work and took this ransom photo

Which I then proceeded to send to my mom along with this message

Now, I admit, I probably should have phrased some things differently, and I probably should have left out the swearing, and waited until I cooled down a bit before texting her,but every time I saw that damned flag, I'd just get pissed off all over again, so I gave no fucks and did it anyway.

Unfortunately, my mother had a reply of her own.

I left her on Read.

Now, nowhere did I happen to mention God or religion when I texted her. So where did this rant about God come from? And secondly, me going to college was HER idea. I did not WANT to go to college and be up to my eyeballs in debt. I couldn't think of anything that interested me enough to want to get a degree in that would make me any money. This didn't matter to her. She didn't care if I, and I quote, "get a degree in Underwater Basket Weaving! Just get a degree in SOMETHING!" so that I wouldn't end up working in a warehouse like she had for so many years.

Well. Oops? Looks like that backfired on her and now she's mad cuz I'm working in a warehouse and I have a different view of things from her. Both her fault.

Anyway, I digress.

When I got home, this took place...

I walked in the door, said hi to the dogs, gave Goose his medicine and went to go upstairs...

Mom: WHERE is my flag?

Me: *having folded it up respectfully instead of throwing it out in the garbage at work like I wanted to* Under the cookies I brought home on the counter.

Mom: Good! It better be.

Me: *walking behind her at her computer to get to the stairs, rolling my eyes and trying not to let out an audible sigh of resignation. Get to the stairs...*

Mom: And I do NOT appreciate you infringing on MY First Amendment Rights! This is the SECOND TIME you've done it to me, and it's going to stop!

Me: *under my breath, pretending not to have heard her* Ah yes. Good ol' Freedom of Speech. The only one the Trumpers know, and they are the only ones allowed to exercise it...

Now, dear well-meaning friends...please do not tell me I need to get out of this house (I already know this, I've known for a while, keep walking please), that I do not HAVE to stay here (will you find me a cheap apartment that will let me keep my cats and is close to work...), believe me when I say...no fucking shit. However, as already stated, it's very difficult to find apartments less than 40 minutes from my job that will let me have my boys. Believe me, I have looked. And the ones that WILL allow my boys, want a stupid amount of rent.

For those who fear my mother my throw me out...valid, I sometimes fear that myself. Then I remember, oh yeah, I pay my dad $440/month in "rent", which is literally half the mortgage payment. So even though my mom refuses to admit that I pay half the mortgage, and even though my name is nowhere on the mortgage paperwork, I am literally paying half the mortgage, and without my "rent" money...they wouldn't be able to make their mortgage payments. So they need me to stay so they don't risk losing the house. Thus, she won't kick me out.

I seem to have this knack for pissing her off. We butt heads on so many things, and I think part of what makes her so mad is that in the last few years, I've finally started trying to stand up for myself and not let her try to dictate my life for me. I'm not the timid little six year old who hangs off her every word and never questions anything, just blindly does what they're told. I have my own views. My own beliefs. My own opinions. And I don't think she likes that.

And what's worse, she likes to remind me that I'm just like my father...and I honestly can't remember the last time she had anything good or positive to say about him. I actually don't think I have EVER heard her truly say anything good or positive about him. She's always bitching to me about him. I think she also forgets I am half her DNA also. So like, I got her stubbornness and being ornery and independent streak.

😮‍💨 Sorry. I know people avoid RL Blogging and it's annoying to see someone whining about their life. I just needed to get it off my chest.