#irregular dice

[star-b67]

stamp dump pt 2 (mostly ireisu)

[mintjeru]

originally i was planning on doing a color wheel challenge for my oshis but i realized that the image color distribution was very unbalanced 💜🩷

open for better quality | no reposts

[utaitemusic]

人マニア / いれいす【歌ってみた】

[ferronite]

I was meant to draw my sad limbus man how did you get here

Behold! An Irregularity! In doodle form at least

(Also anyone who read Resto J1: it's this bastard)

016-M-J: Master of the House! Our weird doll creature! Or as she's known in our files: "gambling" (great name I know.)

Proficient in convincing people to make wagers with her and flirting with married women! (Well. Married woman, singular. She's fully aware of the marriage thing she's just a bitch)

Pretty quick drawing, but uhh. Wasnt planning on drawing her tbh. (Mint will have to be drawn tomorrow now. It's 3am oops)

...she's not getting any detailed rendering. Skirt pattern made me want to die why did I design her like this.

I have a screenshot of her older, shittier design but uh. You ain't getting that one (who knows maybe I'll post all my old shitty designs together at some point)

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

I'm packing all my belongings in preparation for a big move next week, and I stumbled upon my dice collection. Here are my standard and irregular purples from 4 to 21

The 13-siders are my favorite. I bought one of every color they had in stock at the time

Once I settle into my new apartment I need to find a good way to display my collection so it doesn't wind up in a plastic bag buried in a box under my bed all year.

[jennelikejennay]

Speculative Reconstructions of the Vulcan Language

The Vulcan language is, to use a technical linguistic term, clunky as hell. 

If you've used it at all, you've probably noticed. The pronouns are a nightmare; verbs are simplistic and not all forms are given; everything’s a compound even if it has no business being; and a lot of words we need simply don’t exist. The creation of the language began as gibberish made up to fit how the actors’ mouths were already moving and it shows.

So I've been going through extant Vulcan phrases, looking for alternatives. You see, Vulcan was created grammatically after many Vulcan phrases were canonical, meaning not all phrases fit with the grammar we're given. You’ll see this in formalized phrases from ceremonies or as part of etiquette—stuff that simply doesn’t translate according to the rules we have.

I explain this by saying those phrases use an archaic or regional dialect. The stuff Vulcans are willing to share with us makes up the VLD and the grammar lessons. That doesn’t mean that’s how they actually talk. They very well might often use archaic or regional terms they don’t consider part of the standardized form of the language. 

This is especially true when, for instance, Spock breaks into Vulcan at a time of intense feeling. He isn’t going to speak in proper Vulcan he learned in school: he may well pull from the language of poets or from secret Vulcan profanity they won’t put in the dictionary.

I could go further and say: the Surakian linguistic reform that attempted to standardize the language and regularize forms in use (which can explain the over-simplicity of the grammar and general lack of irregular verbs) never took hold as well as they pretend it did. How Vulcans actually speak is much messier. Uhura probably goes on regular rants about this.

As a person who is trying to use Vulcan rather than simply analyze it, I’ve given myself permission to make some of my own changes. However, I don’t currently feel comfortable just making things up. This language is in use by a lot of people and any creations I invent will be incomprehensible to any other Vulcan language user. Thus I mine the corpus of existing Vulcan for forms I might use in novel ways to make the language easier and more graceful.

So, here we go: I’m going to slice and dice the Vulcan language looking for useful grammar, thus angering everyone who already uses the language and being completely irrelevant to anybody who doesn’t. But maybe there are five people out there who will find this stuff interesting or even useful.

to be continued...

[notroosterbradshaw]

dying to know how reader reacted to finding out she was pregnant in the boyfriend experience uni 😫 likeeee ik she wasn’t ready for kids in uncle brooster but bradley was so were there mixed feelings abt it? especially since there was no telling when he’d be deployed again

Hi nonny, I don’t know where you are in the cosmos. But this is for you x

A/N I forgot I had this. I don't have the time this close to Xmas/at all to proof/improve so for those of you still in the TGM, I hope you enjoy and merry merry, happy happy xx

“Roll the dice,” you reiterate to Bradley. “If we get pregnant, great. If we don’t…”

“It’s you and me and we are great with that,” Bradley answered, the faintest glint of hope in his shining honey eyes.

You knew he was on Team Baby. He wasn't pressing it; he couldn’t. That wasn’t fair to you… to him or anyone else. You’d said your piece well before you got engaged, and well before today.

The day you married him.

But in the back of the afterglow of lovemaking as husband and wife, you’d told him you’d go off birth control after your honeymoon if he still wanted to try for a baby. You didn’t want it to be immediate, you wanted to enjoy being married and the fun that came with it. And Bradley agreed. You didn’t want to be thinking about periods and not drinking and having the time of your lives. Bradley was busier with work now than ever before, and with the work extensions complete, new staffing, and more small business to take care of, even though you were together every night? You were still doing your own things, barely getting into bed at the same time.

Thing was, you were only hoping to be a newlywed once - marriage wasn't as big a thing for you as it was for Bradley. And even babies. You loved your niece and nephew and Uncle Brooster was fantastic with them - it always left a pang in your heart that he would be such a good father. But even he admitted he wouldn't have the first idea of how to do it since his dad wasn't around when he was growing up and Maverick wasn't exactly an example of patriarchal learning.

You didn’t want to add the stress of calculating ovulation even if an app would do it for you, the disappointment of periods coming… you just wanted to have fun fucking, and pleasing each other as you moved into the next phase of your lives. The stress Annie went through and the lengths she was going to with IVF therapies - overwhelming hormones, nausea, mood swings, sore boobs, abdominal discomfort. God, when you had a difficult period, you could assume similarly but as Annie went through her treatments, at a fairly young age, it was eye-opening at best.

You remembered one sentence so vividly that it scared you to your bones, “When your biological clock starts… it’s all that your brain hears. You can’t undo it and it messes with your head.”

See? Terrifying. Fair for all involved.

But when your period was late after about two periods since going off birth control, you kind of hoped it was the drama of irregular periods and what it brought. It was why you went on the pill in the first place in your teens.

But there was something different as you channel surfed and Bradley cooked in the (motherfucking, finally renovated) kitchen. A strange cramping in your tummy. Not unbearable, but noticeable as you pressed against the pulsating pressure and made a face. Sighing, you unfolded yourself from the couch and moved to your handsome husband. You tenderly kissed between his shoulder blades and he gave an over the top shudder, as you giggled into his skin. He put his utensil down and turned to you, holding your chin in his calloused bug hand and giving you a quick peck before you quietly excused yourself, but not yet willing to admit to him it was to do a pregnancy test. And you weren’t entirely surprised when it revealed you were 1-2 weeks pregnant. And you weren’t entirely surprised when you showed him the positive pregnancy test after dinner that still certainly said PREGNANT in fat, bold letters.

“It tells you how many weeks?” Bradley was astonished, his eyes glued to the digital reading before him.

“Clever, huh?” you said quietly. Bradley’s honey eyes flicked to regard you. Unreadable at best, erring on the side of too quiet. Reserved, but not disappointed, he had trouble reading you sometimes, and this was one he'd need you to talk through. He needed to know exactly what was going on through your head.

“You good?” he asked softly, grasping the test in his strong palm. It was so small but it held his world in his grip. He put the test down to caress your jaw, forcing your gaze to him. “Love…” his fingers light as they sunk into the hair at the nape of your neck. “My sweet girl,” he called to you.

“I think I am. It’s just… quick," you surrender, falling into his sound touch.

“It is quick,” Bradley agreed, kissing your hair. “Is it too quick?”

“Maybe…” you admitted as he pressed a kiss into your temple and wrapped his strong arms around you. He felt too warm and he protected you without question, you really couldn’t imagine life without him right there.

“If it’s too soon, that’s okay," he said softly.

“I saw how hard it was for Annie and just expected we’d be on our own a bit longer. Genetics and shit."

He bit back his smile and your inadvertent joke, or necessary sarcasm. Bradley hummed. “I think your genetics are pretty fine, if you ask me.”

Eyes rolling in corny, you muttered his name as a warning that jokes were unnecessary at this time.

“Okay, okay,” he answered, palms up, teasing off. He knew you were withholding and he knew he was holding everything back in his body not to go over the top with the excitement bubbling in his entire being. “Love, is this what you want? If you're not ready - if you have changed your mind - ”

I just need some time,” you admitted, cutting him off. “Just to get used to…” your voice trailed.

Bradley nodded. He in no way felt like it was his place to speak and as the facial one between the pair of you? Well. So he just continued to hold you and whisper that whatever you decided was okay, and he would support you with anything you decided, a lot or not he wasn’t sure. He thought you were on the same page. He thought you both wanted this -

Like you, his insides were much and could feel himself lightheaded. He grounded himself and carefully reminded himself this wasn’t about him for now. It was getting your beautifully convoluted brain and heart to the same place his was:

Ready.

“What if this is our only chance?” You asked quietly. “What if - “ you shut your mouth and the guilt of situation started to overwhelm you. Bradley only hummed, still choosing to remain mute. “Would you hate me?”

He remained reflective a moment, choosing his words carefully his best option.

“No, love. But I would never live with myself if I forced you to do something you weren’t ready for. Come,” he took your hands and led you to the bedroom. He helped you take off your clothes, his large palm resting gently over your abdomen for just a second longer than he should have and it didn’t go unnoticed by you.

His baby in your protective, strong body.

He pulled back the duvet and patted your pillow as you snuck under the cold sheets, thinking maybe you could sleep a year. He climbed in after you, the warm skin of his chest against your back under the slowly spinning ceiling fan. His fingertips traced your hip, slowly drawing his name on your skin. "If you don't want to do this, it's okay.”

There was your voice of reason.

“But it's still something you'll need to consider pretty quick..."

Always offering you both sides.

It was silent a while and while Bradley’s excitement was guarded carefully, even he knew this conversation was not the light and excited one he thought you’d share instead.

"I want this," you were able to say, but it was easier with him not boring his eyes into yours. He kissed your shoulder and nuzzled the nape of your neck.

"I love you," he said so softly you almost didn't hear him. "I won't let you do this alone."

The fateful night you told your family and the Dagger Squad was when it really started to feel real. Your pregnancy to that point has been pretty good. You only turned green as food cooked around you so it was easy to excuse yourself and the extreme exhaustion that overwhelmed you the first trimester slinked away entering the second. You weren’t horribly unwell but things were definitely changing within you.

Boobs sore and off limits to Bradley even though he’d playfully volunteered his palms but your personal support system. It went about as well as expected.

“Just ginger ale tonight?” Bob smiled a while later. You’d been chatting quietly together while Bradley’s squad played pool and generally one-upped each other around you.

“What do you mean?” God, you hated lying to such a delight as Bob. He was so sweet, and although Bradley had alluded to his well-guarded playboy-like ways, he was always darling to you.

“I have four sisters,” he sipped his water. “She pretended she was drinking bourbon and ginger ale to throw everyone off the scent she was…” he chuckled quietly and you’d be damned if you’d figured him out. “It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I understand if you’re just not drinking tonight.”

And while your family was aware of your news, Bradley had sworn not to tell his friends just yet. You weren’t ready to be looked in on 24/7 by overzealous Navy pilots.

“Nearly four months,” you said quietly.

“Phoenix guessed a little less,” he winked. “I won’t tell, but I’m very happy for you both. This baby will be so loved. Or smothered,” he shrugged playfully. “One of the two.”

“Bob?”

“Yes, ma’am?” He responded as you rolled your eyes playfully.

“This is how you do it, isn’t it?”

“Do what?” He played dumb.

“Find women. Because you watch and listen.” And suddenly it all made such sense as he blushed, toying with his glass.

“I can’t reveal all my trade secrets, but showing a little interest helps,” he admitted.

“I wanna know all your tricks. You’re absolutely fascinating to me.”

And for the first time, you heard Bob Floyd cackle as he nodded. “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s never gonna happen.”

"You're getting deployed?" you look at Bradley, eyes wild, six months of baby belly between you. His head fell back.

"I know."

"You know?" you screeched, spoiled for months of your husband home and he finds himself deployed as you enter your final trimester. "Bradley, you'll be away for the birth of your daughter."

"I know..." he said a little meeker. He was sick about this conversation. Sick.

"Did you not put in the leave paperwork?"

"Of course I did. Baby, this classification is my first real role as team leader. As command.”

"Who's going with you?"

"Payback, Fanboy," he confirmed softly.

“Will you be home for Christmas?”

He nodded. “Yes,” he stepped towards you, his large palms sinking into the round belly under his grasp, tickling the stretching skin. You sighed and collapsed into his hold. “Even if I have to jump overboard and swim back myself, I will be here for Christmas. I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m just scared. The birth is one thing… but I can’t raise a baby in my own,” you said, the fear in your evident.

“And I’d never let you,” he whispered into your hair.

"If you see one ounce of action, I swear to you, don't dare come home."

He nodded. Dear God, he knew. The most danger Bradley Bradshaw had ever been in was at this moment. And as his baby girl kicked him from her little cocoon in retaliation for making her Mama wild, he knew that nothing g else mattered anymore and that someway, somehow he was going to find a way to be home for his girls.

masterlist.

[probablybadrpgideas]

On top of the standard set, I bought irregular dice numbered 5 through 21

I've always thought about using the d11 as part of a Spinal Tap game, but I couldn't think of a good mechanic to go with it

­

[t52b]

Heart Toy major Update

So i updated the Heart toy first the updates to the Heart suite (the part that was in the previous version)

New Features and fixes:

Help Menu Improvements: The Help Menu is now scrollable for better navigation. It includes more extensive and up-to-date information to guide users through the new features and mechanics.

Total Reset Button: Added a Total Reset button to quickly reset all settings and restore the heart to its original state. This clears any modifications from heart rate, irregularities, and medications.

Critical Fail Mechanic: A Critical Fail mechanic has been added to both CPR and Defibrillation. If a dice roll resolves to 1, the heart enters SVT (Supraventricular Tachycardia) or fibrillation, adding a new challenge to these life-saving actions.

Immortality Button: The Immortality button has been introduced. When activated, Immortality disables heart stoppage due to extreme high or low heart rates, This keeps the heart going, even under extreme conditions.

Breath Hold Mechanic: A Breath Hold button has been added as a new mechanic. The heart rate rises by 60 BPM, then lowers by 60 BPM after the maximum hold time of 100 seconds or upon pressing the button again. Irregularity and PVC chance gradually increase by about during the breath hold.

Refined Heart Animations: Heartbeat animations have been refined for better realism. Now, heartbeats closer together will show less contraction, adding a smoother visual flow when observing the heart’s rhythm.

UI Refinements Almost All UI elements are not minimisable with a press of a button making observing the heart mech easier, also the zoom and size reset mecanics are now avaliable on Android in the form of buttons(rotation is still a two fingered touch gesture)

Natural Vital Calming Mechanic: A Natural Vital Calming mechanic has been added. If the heart is in a moderate zone (moderate irregularity, SVT chance, and heart rate), the heart will gradually return to baseline resting rate (60 BPM), while reducing irregularity and SVT chance to 0. Medication administration pauses this mechanic for 30 seconds, preventing natural calming during treatment.

revised pc version download link (download and unzip folder to play)

revised android apk(download onto android phone and install apk)

also now the app is only for adults due to its added parts able to access adult content!

[spanishskulduggery]

also what would you say is the best way to memorize the tenses because that’s what I’m struggling with the most honestly

Do you mean the tenses themselves, or the conjugations?

The easiest way to think of Spanish grammar is on a timeline sort of spectrum - if you can divide things between past, present, and future things make more sense

In Spanish there are three moods - indicative, subjunctive, and imperative

-

The imperative mood is commands. They are the easiest to understand, as affirmative commands "do it", and negative commands "don't do it"

In general, the conjugations for imperative mirror the subjunctive with the exception of affirmative tú commands [and vosotros commands if you're using them]

The trick I learned and now I tell everyone about affirmative tú commands is to keep in mind: "Vin Diesel has ten weapons, eh?" and to say it sort of like if Arnold Schwarzenegger were trying to sound Canadian

The irregular tú commands are for venir, dar, salir, hacer, tener, venir, poner, and ser... in addition to their offshoots like convenir, satisfacer, componer etc.

But - Vin Diesel has ten weapons, eh? - ven, di, sal, haz, ten, ve, pon, sé

And those are the irregular conjugations

-

When you're trying to understand indicative and subjunctive, it's easier than you'd think

Subjunctive deals with doubt, possibility, contrary to fact statements, hypotheticals, as well as wishes, desires, and polite requests

Indicative is literally everything that is not subjunctive or imperative

...

Now, trying to make sense of the tenses is where the timeline spectrum idea helps

Tenses [in Spanish tiempos or "times"] make sense on this timeline because they exist to show if something is past, present, or future

-

Present tense, indicative or subjunctive kind of deal with the same things

There's regular present tense which is hard to explain but really obvious. The conjugations are all over the place here though. You have the normal regular -ar, -er, and -ir verbs, the irregular verbs, then you have oddities like the -go verbs, stem-changing verbs, and occasionally some verb endings that imply changes like -gir, -cer, -cir, -uar, etc.

Present tense also includes things like "present continuous" and "short-term future present"

In other words, depending on context:

hablo = I speak [regular present] hablo = I am speaking [continuous present] hablo = I will speak [short-term future plans, but in the present]

And there are ways to specify each one; continuous present is sometimes done with the gerund forms so you might see estoy hablando "I am speaking"; and short-term future is sometimes done with ir + a + infinitive... voy a hablar "I am going to speak"

....

Present subjunctive is largely the same ideas as regular indicative

The key to most subjunctive conjugation is you take the form you know, and you switch the regular endings

In other words, you'd see puede que hable "I might speak" in subjunctive, where hablar is normally -ar, but you take the regular form and switch the endings from -a to -e

...

Most of present subjunctive takes forms from the present yo indicative, which is why you need to know the irregularities

In other words digo, dices, dice, dicen, decimos but then in subjunctive it takes digo

Thus digo -> diga, digas, diga, digan, digamos

-

Past tense indicative is really the preterite and the imperfect tenses which are harder for lots of people to understand

Preterite is simple past, and thankfully its conjugations tend to follow patterns; ser and ir have the same forms, dar and ver share similar forms, tener, saber, caber, estar have similar forms etc.

There are some spelling changes for certain words like -gar, -car, -zar, and -guar verbs, as well as some of the -cir/cer verbs... and some oddities with verbs like leer, caer, oír, and -uir verbs but generally speaking easier to deal with than present tense

Preterite is about completed actions and it's simple action that has defined end points - I try to remind people of veni vidi vici in Latin; in Spanish it's vine, vi, vencí "I came, I saw, I conquered"

It's rather a blunt tense

...

Imperfect is harder to explain but it means "actions not yet completed"; as imperfect in linguistic terms means "not yet past tense", or an incomplete past

These are actions that don't have a set ending, or might still be ongoing

They also describe things people "did often" or "were in the habit of doing" and "used to"

In general though, imperfect tense is about description and narration especially in literature

Imperfect tense tends to introduce a setting, while preterite is action

[it's also the tense used exclusively for telling time in the past]

As far as conjugation, imperfect is the easiest tense to memorize

There are very few irregular verbs - ser, ir, and ver are the main ones

Everything else is -aba for -ar verbs, and -ía for -er and -ir verbs

-

For the future, you have future tense and conditional for the indicative

Thankfully, few irregular verbs

In general, you'll see the infinitive plus a special ending

Future tends towards infinitive + -é, -ás, -á, -án, -emos Conditional is more infinitive + -ía, -ías, -ía, -ían, -íamos

Future is pretty self-explanatory. It's long-term plans or goals that won't change often for the future - viajar�� a Francia "I will travel to France" implies a long-term wish or plan further down the line........ as opposed to voy a viajar a Francia "I am going to travel to France" in present tense as a short-term thing or possibly immediate

The conditional is used primarily in "if/then" statements as the "then" and is best explained with imperfect subjunctive

It also gets used as "could've", "would've", "should've" statements a lot

-

Imperfect subjunctive is an odd one to discuss because it can be used for past subjunctive and the future subjunctive

There used to be more distinctions between them - and I can't get into them without a history lesson

Basically though it works a lot like English trying to decide if "could" is past or future.... like "I could have gone" could be past, or maybe you're saying "oh if only I could have gone" which is a contrary to fact statement and imperfect subjunctive

In general you're dealing with a past subjunctive clause [quería que lo hicieras "I wanted you to do it"], or you're doing "if/then" statements with the conditional where the "if" is the imperfect subjunctive

Conjugation-wise you'll see two different forms from when they were distinct tenses

Today they're interchangeable, don't worry about it

Latin America prefers the -ara/-iera tenses, and Spain makes more of a distinction between past and future and for future or hypotheticals will tend towards -ase/-iese endings

Again, they are interchangeable just be aware of them, it's a bit of a regional thing and there's historical background there that does explain it but is also very confusing if you're not there

...

If you're using if/then statements, then you'll see more of the variation

si fuera rico/a, ayudaría = if I was rich, (then) I would help si fuese rico/a, ayudaría = if I were rich, (then) I would help

Latin America would tend towards fuera; Spain probably would say fuese

Imperfect subjunctive is the "if", and conditional is the "then"

The "if" is a contrary to fact statement, something that is not true but IF ONLY it were... and THEN something WOULD happen, and that's conditional

-

There's also the perfect tenses and I don't know how to qualify them exactly. They all follow the basic idea - it's haber + past participle

like it's "to have done" or "to have seen" or "to have spoken" etc.

Except haber conjugates in every tense, so it's not like they're individual tenses exactly... but sort of are?

Instead of hablo "I speak", the present perfect is he hablado "I have spoken"

Then instead of hablé "I spoke" or hablaba "I was speaking", you get pluperfect había hablado "I had spoken"

All "perfect" means is "past", so it just puts everything a little bit further into the past

...

This is a rough explanation so if you need anything explained more in depth let me know

[deepinsideyourbeing]

hola reina vengo con un pedido q puede interesar a las enzo girlies… en varias ocasiones el ha hablado sobre respiración, en la actuación, cuando corre, fuma etc y yo lo quiero llevar hacia donde ya sabemos jajsj breath play kink con enzo ?

Kinktober, Día 19: Breath Play

-¿Cómo te sentís?- pregunta Enzo mientras juega con tu clítoris. Su otra mano descansa sobre tu pecho, subiendo y bajando con tu respiración, que es nada más que un reflejo de la suya-. Lento y profundo, ¿sí? Seguime a mí.

-Sí.

Intentaba reducir tus niveles de estrés. Eso fue lo que él dijo, como tantas otras veces, porque siempre quiere ayudarte empleando alguna de las técnicas que domina. No tenías motivo para rechazarlo cuando ofrecía cuidarte y mimarte.

Tampoco tenías idea de que el clásico ejercicio de respiración se convertiría en esto... Aunque no te vas a quejar de sus métodos.

Tu gemido interrumpe la quietud de la habitación. Él emite un sonido de desaprobación cuando ve la forma en que respirás de manera irregular (por milésima vez) y masajea el valle de tu pecho con movimientos circulares, procurando robarse tu atención con sus caricias, ignorando tus pechos y tus pezones erectos.

El contacto de tu espalda con su pecho desnudo, caliente y firme es reconfortante. Es un lugar de seguridad y tranquilidad. Intentas seguir el ritmo experto (sereno, seguro de sí mismo, en calma) que él impone, pero es difícil con su mano entre tus piernas y su erección palpitando con fuerza contra tu espalda baja.

Enzo lo sabe mucho antes de escucharte balbuceando. Puede ver tu piel erizándose, la tensión en tus músculos, la bocanada de aire que tomás y el temblor de tus labios cuando exhalás. Detiene sus movimientos y te quejás, prácticamente llorando, tu mano sujetando su muñeca para que no deje de tocarte.

-Ya sé, bebé, ya sé- besa tu cabello-. Es la última vez, ¿sí?

-Dijiste lo mismo antes.

-Te prometo que esta es la última vez- susurra-. ¿Confiás en mí?

Ciegamente, querés decirle. En su lugar hacés un enérgico gesto de afirmación con la cabeza.

-Con palabras- te recuerda con voz dulce pero estricta.

-Confío en vos.

Sentís su sonrisa y luego el reptar de su mano desde tu pecho hasta tu cuello. Su palma es cálida y sus largos dedos te abrazan como una gargantilla hecha especialmente para vos: no ejerce presión, todavía no, sólo quiere recordarte sus intenciones.

-Se va a sentir muy bien- promete-. ¿Querés eso, princesa?

-Sí.

Lleva sus dedos hacia tu entrada, terriblemente húmeda y desesperada, rodeándola lentamente antes de introducir dos dígitos y distraerte del ardor dibujando círculos sobre tu clítoris con su pulgar. Cuando gemís, moviéndote y haciendo un poco más difícil su tarea, no te lo reprocha; sólo sentís cómo los dedos en tu cuello comienzan a cerrarse.

Es una promesa.

-Mirá cómo estás- dice con tono condescendiente. No comprendés hasta que golpea con más fuerza tu interior y podés escuchar el sonido producido por tu humedad y sentir cómo tus músculos reaccionan por el placer, succionando sus dedos.

Intentás responder pero las palabras mueren. Puede que en tu garganta, puede que en tu mente -cuyos contornos comienzan a desdibujarse-, no hay forma de estar segura. El lejano sonido de su voz, sus burlas, sus promesas, todo parece propio de un extraño sueño febril.

Excepto por el placer en tu centro y tus latidos.

Cuando tirás de las sábanas Enzo no puede evitar preguntarse qué lo excita más: vos o la confianza que le tenés como para permitirle esto. ¿Dejarías que continúe luego de tu orgasmo? ¿Permitirías que siguiera hasta que pierdas el conocimiento? Sabe que sí. Intenta no dejarse ir sólo imaginándolo y procura centrar su atención en vos.

-Enzo- gemís con un hilo de voz. Cuando intentás llevar una mano a su muñeca tu brazo cae a medio camino y tu espalda, que se arqueaba en un ángulo encantador, impacta contra su cuerpo nuevamente. Una serie de palabras inconexas y rotas sigue, dejando tus labios como un suspiro, pero él las ignora.

No estás segura de qué es lo que te empuja hacia tu clímax, ¿son su mano en tu cuello o sus dedos abusando de tu punto dulce? ¿Es su pulgar presionando sobre tu clítoris o la presión que juega con el flujo de oxígeno hacia tu cerebro? Da igual.

Gritas en silencio, sin comprender cómo es posible no sentir las extremidades cuando jurás que podés sentir placer hasta en la última terminación nerviosa de tu cuerpo, con los dedos de tus pies flexionados -con tanta fuerza como para generar dolor del bueno- y tus uñas clavándose en su brazo repleto de venas.

-Así, bebé, sí- repite con voz ronca cerca de tu oído-. Muy bien...

Cuando por fin recuperás la cordura y el control sobre tus sentidos, lo primero que distinguís es la manera en que su respiración y la tuya están sincronizadas, su mano otra vez ocupando tu pecho para ayudarte a mantener el ritmo.

-¿Cómo estuvo?- besa tu mejilla-. ¿Cómo estás?

-Muy bien... Muy bien.

-¿Segura?

-Segura.

Toma una respiración profunda y lo imitás.

-¿Puedo yo?- preguntás tímidamente. Cuando permanece en silencio, estático, volteás (temblando, con el cuerpo como el de una muñeca de trapo, con una extraña sensación etérea) para poder verlo directamente a los ojos.

-¿De qué hablás?- pregunta mientras te ofrece sus manos como apoyo. Vos rechazás la oferta.

Lentamente, sin romper el contacto visual, llevás tus manos hacia su cuello. Un movimiento involuntario de su cuerpo, fugaz pero lo suficiente evidente para vos, confirma tus sospechas.

Tiene las pupilas dilatadas como nunca antes.

-Por favor- suplica.

[myrtles-and-blood]

How do I communicate with my deities?

🔮 Not a professional guide 🔮

Feel free to correct any mistakes if you know more

❗Last edit: 7 Dec 2024 ❗

ʚ Why use more than one method? ɞ ꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷

I think it's important to have more than just one method of divination to communicate with a spirit/deity and/or to seek an answer for a situation in spirituality. This can add information to the previous divination method, or confirm/deny the previous answer, and from there work for the clearest answer you can get.

ʚ Answers that don't make sense ɞ ꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷

The fact that the second answer denies the first one doesn't mean the first one is wrong, nor the second one is correct, or vice versa. If there are contradictory, things that don't make much sense in the answers or something feels off, I recommend looking for things that might be interfering with the process.

Any external factors: an air current in case of scrying or pendulum/irregular surface in case of dice or coin, etc.

Any internal factors: Being tired, in a bad mood, anxious, or just not being grounded. This can interfere in the interpretation, the way you ask questions, the way you execute the divination method, etc.

Not communicating with who you actually want to communicate with: Maybe a trickster (some people believe in them, some don't), maybe you accidentally contacted the wrong spirit, depends.

The spirit is not there: this is personal experience, don't take this as absolute truth. Sometimes I feel like their energy around me is not really strong and the answers are not clear, so I feel like they're not there and therefore they're not answering me.

The divination tools haven't been cleansed: I don't cleanse them all the time, but often enough to be sure.

I might edit these with more

I want to take a moment to remember that we first must think about the physical and why something might be happening. If after reflecting on why this could be happening in our environment there's not really a reason for it or it's happening in an unusual way, we could start thinking about a spiritual reason. (Regarding signs from any spirit, divination or the spiritual in general)

ʚImportant thing before divination ɞ꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷

Check for external factors that might interfere.

Cleanse your tools.

Check on yourself and your mental state, be grounded and calm, there's no rush. Take a moment to breathe and feel your body and environment.

Use some kind of protection, to be sure something that's not invited is getting in your space.

ʚ Methods that I use ɞ ꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷

Pendulum: I use a necklace with a quartz pendant using this.

[↕️]: Yes.

[↔️]: No.

[Still or really soft movement]: Not sure/still thinking/the answer is not set in stone.

Dice: Any dice works for this

[Odd]: No.

[Even]: Yes.

Poker cards: This can work if you don't have a tarot deck yet, or just want to try something else. There are some cards missing but what can you do, it works pretty nice.

[♥️]: Cups.

[♦️]: Pentacles.

[♣️]: Wands.

[♠️]: Swords.

[J]: Knight.

[Q]: Queen.

I'm still learning more on each divination method every day, and I really recommend researching constantly to learn more about your tools and different ways of interpretation! This is not much, but it's a good way to start.

[K]: King.

Tarot cards: The usual. I personally take reversed cards and sometimes when they land horizontally I take it as a middle ground between the two meanings. Take whatever meanings you feel like taking: your deck, your divination, your rules!

[utaitemusic]

【神世代の6人が】神っぽいな Original Arrange ver. / いれいす【歌ってみた】

[jmtorres]

listening to a podcast about mystery roman dodecahedrons. there are many theories about purpose, all unlikely for various reasons

my theory: they were commissioned by time traveling ttrpg players who were trying to get balanced dice because they didn't know how to deal with the irregular odds on knucklebones

[dragonblobz]

The Desert Pt 12

Sunstreaker comes online the same way he always has. No drowsiness or confusion. No sleepy vestiges of dreams in his optics. Aware so instantly.

Another cycle to fight this endless war.

He focuses on the irregularity dangling from the top of his berth. Those fuzzy dice. And he grins. Unable to help it. Before he realizes this is what he's doing and he forces a scowl.

He sits up slowly, looking over at that other birth. And huffs, feeling disbelief even as he starts to chuckle.

His twin is laying exactly as he had been the previous cycle. Flopped. Arms behind his helm. One ped pulled up to his aft, knee raised. The other ped hanging off the berth and on the floor. His oral cavity wide open, denta showing.

Sloppy. He looks sloppy.

And the human….. he takes another moment to roll it’s name thru his processor….. is spread open under Sideswipe’s servos. On his chassis. It’s own oral cavity is open as well. And it’s faceplate is nestled in a veritable puddle of drool.

The human then emits a stark sudden sound. Startling. Sounds like the sound a turbofox would make before coming in for a kill. Beastly. And rhythmic. The creature makes the sound, exhales quietly, and then that sound again.

Is this really how these things vent when they recharge??

Sunstreaker makes a quiet sound, part disgust, part amusement. Before rising and turning away from them, not actually wanting to.

He walks over to the mirror on his side of the room. Beginning the ritual he does every time after recharge. Studying his own face.

He looks as good as he always has. Might need to polish tho. He can see the smudges on the living metal on his jaw and around his mouth. Little human rubbing it’s grubby servos all over him.

The thought is annoyance. But his spark hums with warmth at the memory. He doesn’t question it. He’ll never question it again. He has made his decision. That little creature is his now. His, and Sideswipe’s. He supposes that smudges are just going to be a part of his existence now. And he finds himself surprised at the smile he’s watching bloom on his faceplate. It’s not a flattering smile. It’s a happy grin. Hopeful. When….. was the last time he’d felt hope?

“Scrap. I’m going to have to wake……” Sideswipe’s voice is very quiet as he says the human’s name.

Sunstreaker doesn’t turn. Just watches his brother thru the reflective surface of the mirror.

His twin looks so foolish. Big grin, right out of recharge, as he’s looking down at the human on his chest as it continues to make those loud rhythmic vents. Resuming the same lazy stroking of his servos down it’s little back.

“Well, you have to. It’s time for our patrol.” Sunstreaker’s voice is gruff, but he’s still smiling as well.

“Ugh.” It’s resentful, but still warm. His twin gazing down at the little human as if he’s trying to decide just how he’s going to disturb it. And very clearly not wanting to.

“Here’s some incentive.” Sunstreaker focuses on his own face again in the reflective surface. Smirking now. Reaching servos up to cup his own chin. Feeling mischievous. And it’s wonderful. When was the last time he’d felt so playful?

“We have to go human shopping.”

“Human shopping?” This has clearly peaked Sides’ interest.

“Yes. It’s going to need things. Nourishment. A place for that awful elimination it referred to before. And surely you’re aware it can’t just recharge on US every time? It’ll need It’s own berth.”

“Says you.” Sideswipe’s voice is so soft. And Sunstreaker catches another glimpse of the other mech smiling gently at the human in the mirror.

“Oh alright.” The red bot shifts his servos on the tiny organic, voice softening even more.

“Hey there….” Sideswipe hums the name of the little thing. Pressing his servos and shifting it around gently.

“It’s time to get up. Come on now, little buddy.”

…………………….

There’s a boyish voice all around me. Thrumming and so warm on the hard surface below my cheek. Gentle and soothing. The sentiment obvious, even to my sleep muddled brain. Memories slow to pull in. Eyes opening, all groggy.

I’m in a big place. Curled and laying on something far less forgiving than a mattress. Something big and yellow all fuzzy in my line of sight. I blink slowly, eyes trying to focus..

It's Sunstreaker. Leaning over and peering into, what seriously appears to be, a mirror. The most devilish knowing smirk on his face.

Is he…. Admiring himself??

I can’t even help the sleepy giggles that begin to bubble inside. Voice all slurred.

“Yes. Yep. You are indeed, a very handsome ghost car.”

Those big blue glowing eyes of his widen in surprise in that mirror. And I miss the expression change as he turns his face away from the glass and towards me. That beloved scowl firmly in place as he turns to glower at me directly.

“I know I am handsome. But I’m not a ghost.”

I probably look so ridiculous. Drowsy happy potato smile.

“Uh huh. Gmornin.” I curl a fist near my face and wiggle my fingertips at him. A tiny wave.

His scowl deepens, lines of annoyance looking carved into his face. As he lifts one of his own big hands and mimics me. Just the tips of his fingers wiggling. Returning my wave. And looking so absolutely butthurt while doing so.

I laugh now. Sleepy and open. Still wiggle finger waving. And he, despite looking very unhappy with me, continues as well.

“Is this a waking human ritual? It seems ridiculous.”

Is he…. Doing this because he’s trying to reciprocate my own idiocy? Because he thinks this is normal? I swear, if I adore him any more, I’ll die.

“Eh, it’s not ridiculous. Not to me.” I’ve yet to hear Sideswipe sound this quiet and soft. And I turn now to look at him.

I wish I could just freeze my life and take a picture. Just like I’d do in a video game. Just pause everything and capture that soft boyish smile I’m looking at. All mine to look at whenever I want. Forever.

“Gmornin.” He says it just like I had. And one of those big hands leaves my body, curling near his face. Wiggling his fingertips at me. Just as Sunstreaker had done. And just as I’d done to Sunstreaker.

I adore him too. I’m so glad I’ve come here. And I laugh as I wiggle my fingers at him too. Still sleepy. So happy.

“Did you have nice dreams?” I stretch my entire body beneath his remaining hand. Languid. Like a cat. But yawning like an ox.

“Dreams?” Sideswipe’s handsome face curls into confusion.

“Yeah? Dreams? Like what you see when you sleep?”

“Huh….” His gaze travels upwards and away from me. Like he’s really considering my question and explanation.

“Nope…. I don’t see anything when I recharge. Sorry, little buddy.” He looks at me again. Sheepish. Adorable.

“We need to go.” Sunstreaker breaks this wonderful moment with his grumpy impatience.

“Go? Where are we going?” I blink slowly and look back at him. Big yellow robot looking at both Sideswipe and myself like we’re tardy school children.

He huffs and comes right up to us, plucking me off Sideswipe’s chest like I’m an errant kitten. I can’t help but sleepy squawk.

“YOU are not going anywhere.” That same harsh scowl.

“You’re staying right here…”

He says my name again. It sounds gruff. Now I’m sleepy blushing, not knowing why. But I still retort.

“I want to go with you.”

“Too bad.”

He walks across this immense room and deposits me on his own bed. His berth. He then drops my pack next to me. Scowling.

“We have to patrol.” It’s final.

I sit on my butt and pull my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around my legs and scowl at him too.

Not for long. His scowl softens, and my own does too. His expression is soft grump. Mine is acceptance, even if a little defiant.

“You’re safe here. Just stay right here. Okay?”

Well shit. Even if he looks grumpy, that gruff voice is so friggin soft. Imploring. How could I say no?

“Well…. Alright….” I feel any defiance melting away as I realize that I’m about to be alone. And lift my chin from my knees to stare up hopefully.

“You’ll be safe too, right? You’re going to be okay?”

He looks surprised for a moment. Like he’d not expected me to ask this.

And then that wonderful smile again. Sheepish just as it’s shameless.

“You think anything can catch me if I don’t want it to?” So gentle and quiet. My chest hurts again.

“I can!” Sideswipe is chuckling like a heathen as he rises from his birth.

Sunstreaker’s face curls into annoyance.

“Fragger.” It’s the grumpiest mutter. And I can see Sideswipe grinning over his shoulder like a shitass.

Oh my gosh. How I adore them…

“You too. You hear?” I sound like my own damn mother.

“Both of you.” I raise my hand and point at them.

“You both stay safe. I…. I’ll miss you.” I waver a bit.

Sideswipe puffs his chest out. Like a big metal fucking rooster.

“I’ll keep dumbaft here safe, don’t you worry.” He jabs one of his thumbs at Sunstreaker.

Sunstreaker turns slightly and scowls so hard that he looks like stone rather than metal. But he doesn’t argue. And the fact that he doesn’t argue makes my discomfort melt away into little idiotic giggles.

“My…. Hero….” I can’t STOP giggling now. And when Sunny turns that stone face right back me, I have to shove my face into my knees. Practically hissing.

“We’ll be back before you know it.” Sunny’s voice. Soft again. I look up at him and am rewarded with the tiniest peek of that lovely smile.

They turn to go. Get to that giant door.

“Hey….” My voice sounds very small to me. But the both of them still pause and turn back to look at me.

“I really am gonna…. Gonna miss you…..”

Their response to my vulnerability is comical. Twins. Identical in this moment. This pair of cocky smirks just for me.

“I know!” Sideswipe’s voice is pure ego. And Sunstreaker winks as they both turn.

And I’m alone.

Giggles fading into warmth, and then to worry. And then into a grin.

Sunstreaker had told me to stay here. And that’s just what I’m gonna do.

But…. He didn’t specify HERE.

It doesn’t take me long to figure out how to climb down from this berth. Not nearly as long as it takes me to figure out how to open that big ass door. I’m too LITTLE to activate it, it seems. But I pelt those Bahama mama’s at the sensor and that does it.

I’m just an Itty bitty human standing outside Sunny’s and Sides’ room in a gigantic corridor chuckling like an imp. Rubbing my hands together.

Oh Ima fuckn EXPLORE. Bet.

It doesn’t take me long to realize that….. giant endless corridors are….. kind of boring. Passive walking turning into nervous jogging. My footsteps echoing and loud and I feel like I’m all alone in another dimension. My ADHD just cannot. It’s too quiet.

A rhythmic vibration makes me freeze. Turns my blood to ice. It’s footsteps. BIG footsteps.

I figure there’s no need for me to be afraid. The big guy…. Optimus Prime….. he’d said I could be here. And he’s in charge right?

It’s my own aphid instincts that make me back into the looming wall behind me. As flat as possible. As quiet as possible. Just some kind of ancient fear of being discovered. As I hear those giant footsteps near and whatever is coming turns around a bend in the corridor before me.

This guy is enormous. Huge. For a moment, I think it’s Optimus himself. This guy looks very similar. Same blues and reds and whites on his gleaming metal frame.

But it isn’t. It’s not Optimus Prime. Just as huge, yes. But this guy has more blue on him than Optimus.

And….

He looks FAR more grumpy. And also much more suspicious.

The giant stops. And scans the corridor with those big glowing blue eyes. Assessing.

I hold my breath and try to physically press myself into the wall at my back. Can this guy hear me breathing or something???

I feel stupid even as this guy DOESN’T see me. His gaze is over my head. I feel so suddenly certain that the only reason he’s not seeing me is because he’s simply looking for something BIGGER than me. He’s just not looking down far enough to SEE me.

Several moments of this giant looking about himself. Before he turns and heads down and away from me. I watch his big back fade away and disappear around another corner. Finally let myself breathe. And then feel guilty.

I’m ALLOWED to be here right? Why am I hiding?? Why do I feel like I’m being bad? Doing something wrong?

“Are you supposed to be out here?” It’s a caustic voice. A knowing voice. Harsh.

I snap my head around.

Another giant robot. To be fair, what ELSE would it be??

But where the Optimus clone giant, whom I decide I’m going to call Big Daddy, had been heard long before I’d seen him, THIS guy is almost directly over me and I’d never heard him at all.

Had he watched me watch Big Daddy walk away?? Just…. Watching the little smooshy human cringing like a mouse??

This guy isn’t as big as Big Daddy or Optimus. Closer to the size of my twin brobots.

Gleaming white and black. A crimson chevron across his forehead. And I can’t help but snort a helpless laugh.

I can actually TELL what car THIS guy turns into, if the blazing “police” across those wing looking things jutting outta his back is any indication.

He raises one of his brows. I think they’re brows?? His expression is almost quizzical and so very intelligent. Intimidating.

“Well??”

Oh yeah! He’d asked me a question. If I’m supposed to be out here. As I just gawp up at him like I’ve been had or something.

I slowly raise one of my pointer fingers. Mouth open wide and I’m just looking up at this new grumpy looking robot like I’m literally a criminal turd.

The moment draws out as I raise my finger slowly and try to figure out what I’m gonna say. And he just keeps staring with that same annoyed patience.

I draw in a deep lung full of air. Slowly.

“You better not scream. You look like you’re going to scream.” He’s scowling now.

And yes. I scream.

“FUCK THE POHLICE!!!”

One violent jab of my pointer finger before I’m turning and running. Like a complete fucking idiot. Panting and cackling and screaming. Adrenaline and endorphins roaring in my ears.

“Oh fragging PRIMUS…” It’s a snarl behind me. Oh, I’m in TROUBLE. And now I DO hear his footsteps.

I cannot explain how I know he’s reaching for me. Animal Instinct maybe? But it’s like I can just FEEL his hands coming at me. Or maybe I’m just imagining it. Garbled cackling and squealing. Twisting my body. Actually SEEING a big white metal hand curling near me. Just picturing this big guy trying to catch me like I’m a fucking runaway hamster or something.

The wall opens in front of me. An errant moment of me realizing that the big guy behind me must have triggered another door like Sunny’s and Sides’ door. Before I’m swan diving into the opening just in time to hear a huge crashing noise behind me.

My shoulder jars painfully onto the ground. And I twist my body to look behind me.

The big police robot is in a heap on the floor. He’d apparently dived for me when I’d dived thru the doorway.

“Do you mind? I’m kind of busy.” It’s a warm friendly voice behind me. I’ve got just enough time to see the police bot glare at me with an expression of utter murder before I hear the swooshing of that same door. Just barely enough time to glare like the Cheshire cat and flip him off before it’s closed. And I’m trapped in this room with this new voice.

I’m panting. Crawling to my feet. Trying to catch my breath. Waiting for that door to open. Wondering why I feel so giddy. Feeling like cop bot would just hate my guts. In whimsy, because I already love him too. I love every single fucking one of them like a little child bathing in magic might.

“You’re the human.” That voice behind me is so friendly and yet so distracted. Like it’s owner is too busy to give me his full attention, but still wanting to convey that he’s harmless.

I turn slowly. And behold yet another one of these big wonderful creatures.

He’s sat at a table very similar to the one I’d seen in Sunny’s and Sides’ room. Bent and working on something. His face scrunched in concentration. I can see the very tip of an alien tongue pinched between huge robot teeth.

Oh geez this guy is PRETTY. Just….. PRETTY.

His whole body is burning orange. I can see something across his chest that looks like pretty painted intricate flames. Cradling the same strange symbol that’s emblazoned on Sunny and Sides. And shards of yellow metal that jut over his shoulders like flames too.

I just gawp like an absolute potato, unable to respond. He’s got the most handsome friendly face I think I’ve ever seen. And scrunched like it is, that pinched tongue.

I hope he likes me because this is a bestie in motion.

I stay quiet and still. Just watching him work on something I can’t see up there. Moments pass, and then minutes.

He works for an eternity. A wonderful eternity. Because I don’t feel impatient at all. I’m so content and so happy watching this big metal thing concentrate.

But all good things must end. And finally he’s turning blue glowing eyes down to me.

“Hey there!” He sounds sheepish. Looks it too. Like he’d forgotten I was here.

“Hi…” It’s a chirp as I raise my hand and wiggle my fingers at him.

He smiles. Geez. He’s PRETTY.

“I guess I’m being rude…” He raises a big metal hand to rub on the back of his head. He’s so cute I could barf.

“I’m Hot Rod! What’s your name?” another drop dead gorgeous smile.

I murmur my name. He repeats it. My knees wobble. It’ll never get old. Hearing any of them say my name.

“Hey….” My name again in that wonderful huge voice. I’d do anything for any of them.

“Do you know anything about fishing lures?” His smile curls even more.

He’s asking for help.

[themoviemonopoly]

How Lil Z and Benny's Relationship Held a Lot of Romantic Undertones (IMO)

City of God is a criminal drama film from Brazil that was directed by Kátia Lund and Fernando Meirelles. It centers on the lives of a number of people living in Rio de Janeiro's slums, with special attention paid to Rocket, a young child who aspires to be a photographer. The brutal turf conflicts between gangs and the emergence of organized crime in the slum are depicted in the movie.

The story spans across several years as it tells the tale of how the aspiring photographer and all of the other residents living in the slums connect with one another. Rocket, even as he is actively getting out of the slums, documents everything he witnesses. Themes of the story include a lot about violence, drugs, and growing up in poverty. This movie also highlights how each generation in the city quickly repeats the cycle even after the old gangsters are gone. City of God should be well known for its irregular storytelling and gripping character interactions.

One of the most appreciated things about this story was it’s beautiful composition and color correcting. Every shot is carefully constructed and shows a clear emotion. From the vibrant and warm colors of the beach shots to the gritty and washed out shots pertaining to the cyclical drug rings. Fernando Meirelles and Kátia Lund were very attentive with how they wanted to direct this movie and they did not disappoint in the slightest. 

Another major highlight of the film for me were the character interactions. My favorite dynamic throughout the film was that of Lil Z (formally known as Lil Dice) and Benny, his childhood friend.

In the beginning of the movie we’re shown that these two are inseparable. They’ve grown up in the slums together since they were both young kids and have had each other’s backs for the longest. They run a drug ring together and are basically in charge of what goes on on their turf. Lil Z’s behavior as a child can be heavily described as sociopathic. He has no problem killing innocent people and will often take things to the next level if he so desires. Benny, on the other hand, has a bit more humanity to him. He’s seen going through the city and talking with a lot of the residents there. He also makes friends with Rocket and his little group of friends. Hell, Benny is so likable that even after stealing the heart of Rocket’s crush, Rocket still remained friendly with him and even came to his going away party!

Lil Z and Benny are connected and yet kind of opposite of each other in a sense. Benny is Lil Z’s FOIL; the angelic conscience on his shoulder; the one that keeps him grounded. And maybe it’s just me but I also felt that Lil Z even felt much more than kinship for his best friend. Throughout the movie, Benny is constantly always keeping Lil Z from not making too much trouble. He keeps him in check and makes sure he doesn’t go overboard with the violence during their deals. Benny, in Lil Z’s eyes, is the only one worthy of respect and puts him on an equal level to him. Benny is the only person Lil Z ever (and will ever) need. 

So imagine his surprise when Benny starts to become occupied with another woman. Insert Rocket’s crush: Angela. I won’t go too into detail on their relationship but after dating her Benny realizes he wants to leave behind this harsh life and start a new peaceful one with Angela. He could've done it as well, he had tons of money from slanging coke and was ready to settle down. This doesn’t make Lil Z the happiest. And though he never outright says he doesn’t want Benny to leave him, we see it through his behaviors and what other phrases he throws onto him. 

“We’re doing so well. You can own this part of the city after we’re done!” 

“You can’t just leave after making this much progress.”

"You're doing all this for some bitch?"

I’m paraphrasing a bit here, but these are similar to the lines said to Benny when confronting him about his desire to leave the city. Benny even proposes to him that he should get a girlfriend and realize why he’d want to leave. He basically proposed that if he found someone he loved enough, then he’d want to leave this life as well. I believe, however, that one of the reasons Lil Z truly enjoys this gangster lifestyle is because he’s always had Benny, his other half. 

I don’t think Lil Z understood that what he felt for Benny was romantic. Benny was always prioritized in his mind along with the City, he never really left his side, and he shows a lot of distaste to his other gang members besides Benny.

I almost wished that they explored a bit more with their relationship in the movie but I also believe that it was intentionally done. From an outsider’s POV, there were heavy romantic undertones to how Lil Z felt about Benny. But from Lil Z’s POV, he didn’t truly know what love is. So how could he have known that was what he felt for Benny? 

I won’t get into too many heavy spoilers so this will be my take on how their relationship is to me during the 1st and 2nd acts of the movie. Most likely to be continued.