#is a pretty small thing. makes me worry about people that are more visibly disabled

[mavigator]

i talked about it a little bit already but i have things to say about it. for context, i was born with amniotic band syndrome. the amniotic band wrapped around my left wrist in utero and stunted the growth of my hand. i was born with about half a palm, four nubs for fingers, and a twisted half of a thumb. i can open and close my thumb and pinkie joint like a claw.

yesterday at work i had a shift in the room with 5-10 year old kids. i had my left hand hidden in my sleeve (a bad habit of mine). a kid asked if he could see my hand, and even though internally i was debating running into traffic, i said “sure you can” and showed him my hands. he stared for a moment, looking disturbed, and then said “i don’t want to look at that anymore”. that hurt to hear, but i understand that kids are new to the world and he probably didn’t mean it out of malice. i put my hand away again, told him that it was okay, and that i was just born that way.

he then went on to talk about how he knows a kid with a similar hand to mine and called it “ugly”. i told him that wasn’t a very kind thing to say and that he wouldn’t feel good if someone said that to him, and he replied that no one would say that to him—because he has “normal hands”, and he’s glad he does because otherwise he’d be “ugly”. i tried to talk with him for a bit about how everybody is born differently, but he just started talking about a girl he knows with a “messed up face” and pulled on his face to make it look droopy. i went on some more about how it wasn’t very kind to talk about people that way, but the conversation moved on to something else.

i’ve told my supervisors about it and they’re going to have a talk with his mom. what i wanted to say is this: i’m genuinely not upset with the kid. kids are young and naturally curious, and he clearly simply hasn’t been taught about disabled people and kind ways to speak to/about others. which is why i am upset with his parent(s). i know he’s encountered visibly deformed/disabled people before (he said so himself!), yet his parent(s) clearly haven’t had any kind of discussion with him about proper language and behavior. i knew from birth that some people were just different than others, but my parents still made a point to assert to be kind to and accepting of others. i wonder if adults in his life are the type of people to hush him and usher him away when he points out someone in a wheelchair. that kind of thing doesn’t teach politeness. it tells children that disabled people are an Other than can’t be acknowledged or spoken about; which, to a child, means disability must be something bad.

i’m lucky enough that this was a relatively mild incident, and that i’m a grownup with thicker skin. i’m worried about the other kids he mentioned to me. has he been talking to them this way? when i was a kid, i had other kids scream, cry, and run away at the sight of my hand. or follow me around pointing at me and laughing at me. or tell me i couldn’t do something because i was ugly or incapable or whatever. one time a girl at an arcade climbed to the top of the skeeball machine, pointed at me, and screamed at me to put my hand away and wouldn’t stop crying until she couldn’t see me anymore. another time, a kid saw my hand, screamed at the top of her lungs, and ran into my friend’s arms, crying hysterically about how i was scaring her. that second incident made me cry so hard i threw up when i got home. i can kind of laugh it off now, but having people react to me that way as a child is something i’m still getting over. why do you think i have a habit of keeping my hand in my sleeve? it just irritates me to see children that have clearly not been taught basic manners and kindness—their parents Clearly missed something pretty important .

[peterparker-pickedapepper]

Always You

(Peter Parker/Spider-Man x Stark!Reader)

Chapter 01

A/N: this is set during Homecoming (and eventually FFH) in a universe where Tony isn’t ☠️ bc we don’t acknowledge that trauma here 🙂 also, there are elements from the comics and the older movies, but it’s still in the MCU

———————————————————————

I never meant to find it.

And I wasn’t being nosy either. It was my dads fault, really. Okay so yes, I wasn’t supposed to be in his workshop. But is it my fault he just leaves important things lying around? Mom’s told him to keep it tidy enough times you think it’d be engrained in his brain.

Anyway, the how isn’t important. Not even the why matters. It’s everything that came after.

It was the day my world began falling apart.

The moment I lost all trust—all respect—for the two men closest to my heart.

Now that I know their secret, I don’t see how I’ll be able to look them in the eye. But I’m going to do it. I’m going to keep my head up, act as normal as possible...

And see how long it takes for them to tell me themselves.

———————————————————————

                      Three Months Earlier

“I’m here on the corner of fifth and main, just a street away from the reported sighting of a flying man causing panic among the locals.”

Y/N adjusted her fingers around the smooth base of the microphone, her skin slipping against the hard plastic. It wasn’t nerves causing the dampness on her palms, but excitement. Her eyes flickered from the camera lens pointed in her direction to her best friend standing behind it before easily finding their mark again.

“The large, mechanically winged man has been wrecking havoc in New York’s beloved neighborhood of Queens for the last—”

The ground suddenly shifted beneath her feet with a loud boom, jolting her forward and stopping her report mid-sentence. She twirled around, eyes instantly landing on the sandwich shop across the street.

Or, rather, on the man looming ominously from its roof.

She could only assume it was a man. She’d never seen his face—or any part of his body for that matter—not that his skintight suit left anything to the imagination. But the media affectionately called him “Spider-Man”, so they pretty much filled in the blanks on that one.

She watched as he seemingly surveyed the area. It was always so hard to tell what was going on behind that mask, but every time she saw him she liked to imagine a picture perfect heroic expression etched into handsome features.

It made her disdain for the local superstar a little easier to swallow down.

His head swiveled back and forth a few times, fists clenching at his sides, before he shot one of his webs and disappeared on the other side of the building. She immediately turned back toward her camerawoman, lips pulled into an excited grin.

“This is perfect. Come on.” She wasted no time in scooping up some of the equipment laying at her feet, but stopped short when she noticed the apprehensive expression staring back at her.

“I don’t think I’m really in the mood to run toward danger today.” Her best friend’s bored voice didn’t match the concern she knew was brewing just below the surface.

“MJ,” Y/N all but whined. “We need this story.”

“We need to get ready for next week’s debate.” She muttered, mild annoyance seeping through. “We need to be home in twenty minutes so your dad doesn’t kill us. We need—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” Y/N huffed, tossing the last of the camera supplies into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder.

She turned on her heel, pulling her phone from her back pocket as she moved toward the last crash that sounded a few blocks away. She was getting this story, whether she had to go alone or not. Screw her father’s arbitrary curfew. He was in India for the next few days, anyway.

“You’re serious?” MJ’s incredulous voice echoed from behind her. “What about Liz’s party?”

Y/N’s attention only wavered from the small screen in her hands once she was finished temporarily disabling the tracking feature her dad had not so subtly installed before giving it to her. He didn’t need to know she almost immediately figured out it was there, just like she didn’t need to know that he got a notification every time she hacked into the system.

Her eyes found MJ’s, wide with shock and following something in the sky above. Y/N’s head snapped upward, gaze locking on the flying man who was twisting and turning aggressively in an attempt to kick Spider-Man off his right wing.

“Yes. Very serious.” She huffed, pulse jumping with excitement. “If FRIDAY calls just, please, try to be convincing.”

With that, she spun around one last time before jogging toward the action. She knew MJ’s hesitation was coming from a good place. They’d been inseparable since middle school because they were on opposing ends of the same strong-willed base.

Where MJ was methodical and calculated, Y/N was rash and unpredictable. They were both the type to end up involved in sketchy situations, just at varying speeds and levels of grandeur. Y/N had her father to thank for that.

The iconic Tony Stark was not a pretender. He was who he was, loud and proud. He’d never apologized for it before—not even when he should’ve—and he probably never would. Y/N, on the other hand, had been pretending to be something she wasn’t for more than a decade.

He’d given her a choice when she was old enough for kindergarten. They talked about it, mapped out the pros and cons, and she made a decision. Soon after, she entered the outside world as Y/N Smith. It was the best thing her five year old brain could think of. Plus, she didn’t want her place on the alphabetical rosters to change.

She went to public schools—something Tony never missed an opportunity to mention he hated—and started paving her own way. Right now, that meant she was chasing a super-powered fight through the streets of Queens.

Since landing a highly sought after internship at The Daily Bugle, Y/N’s main priority had been impressing her overbearing bosses. That came with varying levels of complexity, depending on the superhero shenanigans of the month.

She rounded a corner into an alleyway, instantly ducking down when a blindingly bright object whizzed by her head. Her arms shot up in a protective motion as she leaned against the cool brick wall at her side. She remained there, frozen in place with a racing heart, for several seconds.

Something thumped to the concrete only a foot away from her crumpled frame, nearly making her jump out of her skin. She peeked through her arms, still crossed over her head, eyes widening as they landed on a pile of red and black fabric.

The lump groaned and slowly unraveled to reveal Queens’ favorite masked hero. He shook his head, the mechanical eyes of his suit twitching as if malfunctioning. Y/N was stuck in her spot, wide eyes hungrily drinking in every detail they could. Despite following his activity for months now, she’d never gotten this close to the mystery man.

His suit was tighter than she thought possible. It hugged his body in a way that left nothing to the imagination. The rippling muscles lining his torso were clearly visible beneath the thick material. She watched as he sat back on his heels and rubbed the side of his head, shoulders tensing as he seemed to finally realize that she was there.

“Whoa, hey.” Came his breathy, surprisingly high-pitched greeting. He cleared his throat before continuing, a steady hand extending her way. “Are you okay, miss?”

Y/N’s brow furrowed in curiosity, not missing the way his demeanor changed the moment he noticed her. It was like a flip switched. He’d turned on his superhero persona, a process she was unfortunately all too familiar with.

“I’m fine.” The words came out more forcefully than she’d intended, but she was all business now, too.

There was no way she was letting him out of her sight without getting some information. She wasn’t even worried about all the ways her bosses would kill her, she’d beat herself up enough for the missed opportunity. She ignored his hand, dusting her jeans off and hobbling to her feet before reaching for her phone to launch the recording app.

“Can I ask you a few questions, Spider-Man?” She jutted the phone out in front of her, and he took a step back as if the device would somehow hurt him.

The eyes on his mask widened, something she didn’t know was possible. “Oh. I...uh—”

Just then, the ground shook with a massive impact that couldn’t have been more than a block away. It would’ve knocked Y/N right off her feet if it weren’t for the gloved hand that shot out to stabilize her.

“Gotta go!”

By the time his hasty goodbye met her ears, he was gone. It took about ten seconds for Y/N to process what just happened before she took off running in the same direction he’d swung in. She was too far in to give up now. At this point, she’d settle for some shaky footage of the fight. It’d be enough to satisfy her editors for a few days.

She ran out in the street, stopping abruptly as a stampede of people swarmed her. Elbows and shoulders rammed into her sides as she tried fighting her way through the panic. 

“Oh, come on people! Chill the fuck out!” She found herself shouting to deaf ears. 

Maybe it was because she grew up immersed in the superhero way of life, or her bordering on unhealthy need to get some kind of story tonight, but either way she was aggravated by the public reaction more than anything.

She was rarely scared anymore, even when faced with imminent danger. Admittedly, she didn’t have a good gauge for when she might be getting herself into trouble. Another thing she blamed her father for. 

Her eyes remained trained on the sky, watching the fight unfold in mid-air. She cringed as Spider-Man nearly fell off the homemade-looking flying suit. He quickly regained his balance, shooting a web into one of the back engines. It immediately started sputtering as the metal clanked and caught in the sticky substance. 

They were going down, and fast. She knew this was probably her last chance to get any kind of discernable footage of the event, so she reached into her back pocket for her phone. It was at this moment that someone decided to shove into her so hard that she lost her footing and tumbled to the ground. 

A rush of air left her lungs as she hit the asphalt, hard. She couldn’t help but wince as pain shot up both of her arms. There would definitely be bruises she’d need to hide later. Thankfully, at least she ended up near the curb so she wasn’t instantly trampled to death by the screaming crowd. 

She pushed herself up into a sitting position and huffed, wiping away the tiny rocks that were now embedded into her palms. She was about to hobble to her feet and call tonight a wash when her eyes landed on a blueish-purple glow coming from a nearby alley.

Maybe she wouldn’t get any useable footage tonight, but a souvenir would lift her spirits and, hopefully, her credibility in the office. Without wasting anymore time, she stumbled to her feet and ducked into the darkness of the cramped space.

She followed the pulsating light, stopping only when her eyes landed on a small, metallic object. It had a thin silver cage protecting what looked like a gem or rock of some kind. Nothing too crazy, aside from the whole glowing thing. Her brows furrowed with curiosity as she crouched down to get a better view. 

She had absolutely no idea what it was, and she’d seen a lot of weird things in her dads workshop. The only thing she could compare it to was some of the alien technology that’d been leftover from the Battle of New York. She’d run a few stories about that herself, plus saw her dad tinkering with some things since Thor took Loki back to Asgard.

Figuring she could show it to him at the very least, she pulled the end of her sleeve over her hand and grabbed it. She let her bag slip off of her shoulder and quickly unzipped it before sliding the object inside. 

Just then, the sound of screeching metal filled her ears at a deafening volume. She managed to close her bag before covering her ears and ducking against the brick alley wall. The crowd still surrounding the area screamed in horror.

She watched with wide eyes as the huge bird-man landed on the rooftop just a few feet away from her crouched form. It was the closest she’d been to the masked—villain? She wasn’t sure—and he was far more intimidating than she’d first assumed.

His glowing beady green eyes didn’t so much as glance in her direction as he slung Spider-Man over the edge of the building, the tip of one of his wings wrapped around his throat.

An involuntary gasp tore through her chest.

It wasn’t that she was worried about the hero. For one, she knew he was more than capable of fending for himself. It wasn’t even that she cared if he got hurt. He was mostly an annoyance to her, his illusive nature making her job way harder than usual.

But if she knew one thing in this moment, it was that the bird-man was the bad guy, and she couldn’t let him win.

So, she did something really stupid.

She found the closest thing that she thought might actually do any kind of damage—which was, unfortunately, an old bike helmet next to the dumpster—and chucked it at the pair.

It hit one of the metal wings with a pathetic clink and all three of them froze.

Y/N held her breath as the man’s head turned in her direction slowly. Way too slowly. Like ‘I’m going to really enjoy killing you’ slowly.

After that, everything happened impossibly fast.

“Hey! Watch out!” 

She barely had time to recognize the panicked voice before she was flying. Her stomach flipped and she couldn’t even scream, overcome with sudden vertigo. She pinched her eyes shut the second she saw the top of a building and clutched onto whatever was carrying her away. 

If it was the weird bird guy, she accepted whatever evil plan he had. But, if it was Spider-Man, she was going to kill him.

It must’ve only been seconds before her feet touched solid ground, but it felt like an eternity to her. The moment she felt the stability beneath her, she began fighting against her captor.

“Let me go! Oh my god. If you don’t put me down right now—”

“What the hell—ow!”

Once she was free, she staggered away from him with a huff. She cleared the hair out of her eyes and bent over, resting her hands on her knees as she attempted to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding wildly and her stomach was still doing summer-salts.

She raised her eyes to send a withering glare toward the masked man. “Never do that shit again.”

He stared at her—at least she assumed—for a long moment before taking a step forward.

“What the hell was that? You could’ve gotten yourself hurt.” He gestured wildly with his hands, clearly agitated.

“That’s one way to thank me for saving your life.” Y/N ground out, sounding way more bitter than she would’ve liked.

“Saving my—” The eyes on his mask narrowed incredulously. “You did not save my life. All you did was distract me and put like ten other people in danger.”

She couldn’t help but scoff. “Please. Spare me the morality speech, Spider-Man. We both know you don’t bother worrying about people like me.”

Y/N was all too familiar with how superheroes think. When they’re in the middle of a fight, all they care about is winning. They usually have a bigger mission to accomplish. One that doesn’t concern itself with the lives left behind.

“People like you are all I worry about, trust me.”

With that harsh declaration, a heavy silence fell between them. Y/N clenched her jaw tightly, biting her tongue to prevent the floodgates from opening. Spider-Man wasn’t the only one who deserved her hostility toward superheroes, he just happened to be the one in front of her now.

Instead of speaking her mind, she turned on her heel and stalked away from him. At this point, it was late. The sun had set and her dad surely knew she wasn’t home when she promised. She had to accept that today just wasn’t her day and head back for some damage control.

Peter, feeling his chest tighten with regret for the way he’d snapped, followed closely behind her quick steps.

“Wait!” She actually stopped, something he wasn’t expecting, so he rammed right into her back. His hands quickly wrapped around her biceps as she spun around. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I, uh...”

He didn’t know what to say. This was the second time in one night he’d run into her, but he was still dumbstruck. The circumstances weren’t ideal. He thought he’d lost her earlier, but then she had to go and put herself in danger.

He took a step away from her, dropping his hands and rubbing at the back of his neck nervously. He had to remind himself that she had no idea who he was. Even if he did embarrass himself—like he usually did around her—she wouldn’t know it was him when they saw each other in the halls come Monday.

“At least let me get you home.” He insisted, feeling bad that he’d indirectly kept her out so late.

Y/N pursed her lips, immediately wanting to accept his offer but trying not to give too much away. Truthfully, she was exhausted. She just wanted to get home and deal with the fallout disobeying her curfew would bring so she could get some sleep.

“Alright.” She sighed, pulling anxiously at the straps of her bag. She knew this meant she’d have to swing through the streets again, something she wasn’t nearly ready to do.

Nevertheless, she allowed Spider-Man to walk toward her. She averted her eyes as he wrapped an arm around her back and tried not to let her breath catch when his gloved fingers skimmed the exposed skin of her lower back where her shirt had ridden up.

Warmth enveloped her as his proximity settled in. Under his mask, Peter’s face was burning. This was by far the closest he’d been to his classmate. Or any girl, actually. Not wanting to think about it for a second longer, he shot a web toward a nearby building and followed the directions Y/N yelled out.

Within minutes, they landed on the helipad outside her front door.

Peter felt his stomach drop with realization once he let his eyes wander around the outside of the huge building.

“Oh my god. Is this seriously where you live?” He cleared his throat after squeaking out the question, not necessarily wanting to give away his shock.

“What?” Y/N scoffed teasingly. “Don’t I look like a spoiled rich girl?”

“That’s not—I wasn’t—” He didn’t know what he was trying to say, honestly. There were endless questions flitting through us mind at warp speed.

If she lived here, at the Avengers Tower, did that mean she was one of them? And he just hadn’t met her yet? Or did she work for Mr. Stark? But she was so young. He guessed she could be an assistant or something. Maybe she worked for Pepper? Or Happy? Or, she could—

Y/N rolled her eyes, deciding to spare him the embarrassment of sputtering any more. “My dad is famous...like helped form the Avengers famous.”

Peter’s mind went blank. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Cap?” It was the first name to spill out of his mouth. “Wait, can he even have kids?”

Y/N couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her at his assumption. “He totally can, but no.”

“Oh.” The gears of his brain started turning again and realization slowly dawned on him. He felt his throat run dry as his eyes widened behind his mask. “Oh.”

Shit. This was way worse. He couldn’t believe he had no idea who she really was. Sure, she used a different last name at school, but he should’ve seen the resemblance sooner.

“Look, I know you two have worked together.” Y/N sighed, thinking back to all those weeks her dad was gone fighting Steve and the rest of his friends for no real reason. “Can you just...not tell him about this?”

Peter’s brows furrowed in confusion. Why wouldn’t she want Mr. Stark knowing that she’d been with him?

Either way, he agreed, since he had a favor to ask of his own. “Only if you won’t.”

She gave him this dumbfounded look, and he knew he had to elaborate.

“He made me this suit before the whole thing with Captain America, so I thought he would keep giving me missions, but now it’s been months and he won’t return my calls. I’m lucky if I get through to Happy. He doesn’t want me getting involved in this stuff, so...”

It struck Y/N then how weird it was to hear a superhero talk about her family so casually. It didn’t seem possible that the two of them were in the same circles. Sure, she’d practically grown up with a few of the world’s most famous heroes, but somehow Spider-Man was different.

He was local. And elusive. A pure mystery to her.

“What exactly is this stuff?” She thought back to the weird glowing object in her bag, having almost forgotten it was there.

“I don’t know.” Peter shook his head, seemingly defeated. “I thought it was just neighborhood stuff, but those guns...I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Alien tech.” Y/N said without hesitation, although she wasn’t actually positive that’s what it was. “My dad has some in his workshop. It was leftover from the Battle of New York.”

“How does it work?” Peter found himself asking excitedly, easily pushing all the other revelations from this conversation to the back of his mind.

“I don’t know.” She admitted, looking away from him as her chest tightened with emotion. “I’ve never gotten close enough to any of it to see. He likes to keep me out of things too...”

It was at that moment, as a breath of silence settled between them, that they realized she was still in his arms. Y/N’s face erupted with heat and she quickly pushed herself away from him. Once her feet were back on the ground, they both stepped backward to create some much needed distance.

“I, ah...better get back...”

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go too...”

They looked at each other for a few long moments. It was at if neither of them truly wanted to separate, but knew they had to. It was clear, though, that they’d just formed some kind of connection.

Y/N felt something strange—and wildly inappropriate—brewing in her chest. A certain kind of attraction toward the masked hero she’d never considered before. It appalled her, honestly. It wasn’t like she hated the guy, but she certainly didn’t like him. And she had no idea who he was. He could be eight years old, for all she knew.

With that realization, she turned on her heel and stalked down the narrow entrance to the Avengers Tower, her face still burning. She heard the thwip of Spider-Man’s webbing and knew he’d be gone if she looked back. So she didn’t.

She pressed her hand against the touchpad outside the front door and quickly slipped inside once it recognized her prints. She sighed heavily and let herself fall back against the door, the comfort of home enveloping her.

The peace was short lived, however, as she caught sight of her mother waiting expectantly behind the bar to her left. With a glass of red wine in hand, her knowing gaze shifted from the helipad outside to Y/N’s stiff frame.

She took a slow sip, eyes narrowing over the rim of the glass.

“You’re so grounded.”

———————————————————————

let me know what you think!! should I continue this series??

[ko-fanatic]

Blood, Guts and Chocolate Cake (Part 3)

Rating: Mature

Fandom: Danganronpa

Pairings: IshiMondo

Summary: Breakfast before the show, and Mondo realising he loves Taka's music if it's live. Still, there's something too close to a disturbing premonition burning under Mondo's skin, and the idol's comments, actions and frame just make it worse. Something's going on with him...

TW: Alcohol, and eating disorders (both restrictive behaviours and B/P), mentions of disability, underage sex/sexualisation, drugs

Other parts: Part one | Part two

Kiyotaka did not, in fact, get to finish his allotted miles. 

Mondo, in his defense, had attempted to continue, but after another mile his lungs had given up on him. Taka was so concerned, hearing his wheezing breaths, that he’d gotten him to spill about being asthmatic. The idol then promptly freaked out, calling a taxi to take them back to the hotel and insisting that he’ll keep his workouts to a gym setting in future.

He could tell Taka was upset - he might be callous, but he wasn’t stupid. Still, the kid said he was just antsy, nothing to worry about. Excess energy he hadn’t had the chance to burn off.

After a while of sitting on the couch, watching the TV that was way bigger than it had any right to be, he wasn’t actively dying anymore. Therefore, Taka saw it fit to leave him for a bit as he pottered around, doing idol things. He could hear Taka practising one of his songs in the bathroom as he performed his ludicrously long skin care routine. 

Honestly, he was more focussed on Taka’s singing than the shitty sitcom on TV. He’d heard the polished, studio versions - who hadn’t? - but this was something else. Fuck autotune, for sure; Taka’s voice was beautiful, crisp as a bell and perfectly trained. But rather than the polished version, Taka added more vocal tricks and a generally interesting style to the song that he’d never heard before. 

If there was more of that in his official audios, Mondo would’ve been an avid fan by now. 

“And if you got a little more time, baby let me hold your hand in mine,” The idol sang as he strolled into the kitchenette, opening the fridge and retrieving an apple, “Drink you up like the finest wine, lick you off my lips before showtime -”

“Whoa,” He whistled lowly, unable to help himself, “Those lyrics aren’t very ‘sweet boy next door’.”

“Oh,” Taka blinked, seemingly just remembering he wasn’t the only one in the room, “That was actually my original version, before it was reviewed. Too lewd for the image, I guess.”

“Or they didn’t want a bunch of tweens bustin’ their first nut in public,” He chuckled, Taka’s nose scrunching in disgust. 

“Ew,” He huffed, retrieving an apple from the fridge and starting to cut it up, “I’d rather not think about that.”

He just smirked, not bothering to turn back to the mindless crap on TV, just watching as Taka prepared his breakfast. He was about as meticulous about cutting up that apple as he was his choreography; while anyone would cut an apple into segments (barring bento making), Taka halved and cored it before cubing the frankly pathetic slivers of fruit he was left with. 

The cubes were small, almost diced, and quickly scraped into a bowl like they'd burn Taka if they so much as brushed the pale, thin skin of his hands. Then, a bottle of lemon juice was procured, sprinkled on the un-diced half of the apple before it was wrapped in cellophane and sealed in a Tupperware box. Just watching the methodical, practiced actions had Mondo raising an eyebrow; Taka sealed that half apple away like some corny Hollywood curse. Like it would come back for one final scare if he didn't get rid of it.

He expected another fruit to be taken from the fridge, making up a small fruit salad, or for bread to be put in the toaster. Hell, he'd be cool with the promise of Starbucks or McDonald's on the way to the venue, but no. 

Taka sat next to him on the sofa, chopsticks in hand as he daintily picked at the meagre portion he'd given himself. His frown only deepened when he saw just how little it amounted to, barely obstructing the bottom of the bowl from view. It hardly counted as an apple, looking far more like peelings you’d throw in the garbage than an actual meal. 

“That it?” He asked, gesturing to the ‘meal’ as Taka placed a particularly small cube into his mouth. 

“What do you mean?” The idol asked, raising an eyebrow, “It’s my breakfast.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock,” He grumbled, “I mean, ‘wow, kid, you eat less than a fuckin’ bird, go get some more’.”

“Half an apple is perfectly fine,” Taka defended, putting down his chopsticks to properly argue with him. It made a pang go off in Mondo’s chest, especially as his eye was drawn to the small bowl, resting on Taka’s thin thigh. 

Most people’s thighs pool when sitting; flesh, whether be muscle or fat, generally molds under pressure. However, there was still that oh-so-lauded gap between the boy’s thighs, hardly more than bone. It made him… uncomfortable. Like seeing a cancer patient on their final days; only Taka wasn’t dying, ashen complexion notwithstanding. 

“Yeah, no, it’s not,” He spoke bluntly, no preamble, “You did a three mile run, and you’ll be in rehearsals all day. Half an apple’s not going to keep you going.”

The idol rolled his eyes, muttering something about how his run should have been five miles, and picked up the chopsticks once more. He seemed to just push the fruit around his plate, however, instead of bringing piece after piece to his lips like he had before. 

“What -?”

“Lost my appetite,” Taka shrugged, standing on those tiny, boney legs once more, “I’ll have something later.”

Mondo didn’t comment, not wanting to upset Taka more than he, apparently, already had. He simply watched as the peelings got scraped into the bin with the rest of the apple, hardly eaten. Maybe the equivalent of a couple bites. 

He didn’t say anything, considering he’d already put the kid off his food. He’d make a note of it, but he mainly put it up to nerves for tonight; big venue, and didn’t they say that stage fright was an important part of this shit? 

“Looking forward to the show?” Taka asked as he washed up his bowl, chopsticks and knife. 

“Honestly, yeah,” He nodded, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table, lounging around like he owned the place, “I’m not a huge fan of pop, but what you were singing now was cool. Guess I like live music better than studio versions.”

“Honestly, that’s completely valid,” Taka smiled, “I prefer doing my own thing, with no editing to slow me down…”

---

Mondo was having the time of his fucking life! Taka wasn’t kidding about editing slowing him down, the guy was a beast on stage. 

The stage lighting pounded down on the idol, refracting off the metallic accents of his costume and catching the beads of sweat at his temple. Two hours of jumping around, dancing, singing, and playing his guitar, and he showed no signs of slowing. The adrenalin was high, and it vibrated through Taka, the crowds, the stadium itself and straight through Mondo himself. 

If he was a cheesier person, he’d say it was like he could feel Taka’s own heartbeat through the music, resting in his chest next to his own. But he wasn’t that sappy. Nope. Not at all.

He certainly wasn’t prepared for Taka to remove the prince-like, white jacket to reveal the costume underneath. A crisp button-up was par for the course, but the leather harness buckled around his torso made the simple look jaw dropping. Finale outfit, he’d heard one of the costumers mention, but he hadn’t been paying attention at the time. 

The leather looked so perfect wrapped around his thin body, and Mondo was screaming. Internally, thankfully, but this was going to be his end. 

The song wasn’t long at all, maybe a couple minutes. Like a vast majority of Taka’s “approved” songs, it was about love; albeit darker. A couple heavily veiled allusions to bondage, both in the fun and not-so-fun senses, a feeling of wanting to pull away but being far too in love to do what was healthy. 

The crowd just ate it up, even if it gave Mondo an odd feeling… Foreboding, perhaps? Some sort of anxious buzzing under his skin, like a premonition, but no basis in anything he could actually pinpoint. It wasn’t like he could see Taka’s eyes, or anything like that. Maybe a slight tremor in the voice, but fuck, the kid had literally been singing for hours. 

After the final guitar riff, and a couple breaths, Taka grabbed one of his water bottles off the front of the stage, not even hesitating to dump it all over his head. The screaming from the crowd managed to increase tenfold, and he was pretty sure the whole stadium was enjoying the view of that white shirt turning translucent and clinging so enticingly.

“Thank you and goodnight!” He cheered, stage lights going out and allowing Taka to walk off stage with minimal awkwardness. 

“That…” Mondo began, Taka holding up a finger as they disconnected his mic, making sure none of the sounds backstage got broadcasted and ruined any spell the audience was under. 

“Sorry I had to interrupt you,” Taka apologised, so sweetly sincere, “You were saying?”

“Just… That was incredible…” He breathed, still slack jawed from the rush of the concert, “You… I…”

“Articulate,” Taka smirked, hand on hip as he sauntered off to get changed, before he would exit and be swarmed with both eager fans and paparazzi alike. 

Mondo was smiling, heart still hammering, until his attention was brought to what was visible beneath the sodden fabric. 

Ribs.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

teeth

(Read Anne as Courtney!Anne)

Aragon and Anne make the best mother duo and you Cannot Change My Mind

(you can read this as Aralyn if you want, but it’s not written in that way and the line is pretty vague tbh)

Word count: 4769

———————

There was a crash.

And then a crack.

And then a crunch.

The girl at the bottom of the stairs had her bottom jaw bent in a horrible position, her tongue lolling out of one side and bloody drool spilled all down her chin. Her eyes are upturned in her skull; she didn’t seem to be all there, though no one was surprised. Those broken bones must be excruciating.

———

Eight weeks of silence. A jaw wired shut. Almost three months of only eating liquidated foods. Black and blue floral bruising bloomed across the sides of her face. An eternity of humiliation.

———

In theory, it was difficult to miss Joan. Nineteen years of age and the workaholic music director stood at roughly 5’4, and it didn’t look like she was going to be growing again anytime soon. However, in practice, the girl was so quiet and self-enclosed that a lot of the time, she practically melted into the theater walls. That made it a slightly unpleasant surprise when Aragon was disturbed from her reading by a quiet tapping at her doorframe—it was most undignified for a queen as regal as herself to startle like that.

An irritable comment jumped to her lips, but it died as she looked up. Joan looked...worried. That wouldn’t normally strike her in any meaningful way, not if it was anyone else at her door—everyone got worried sometimes, although a fair number of people found it more difficult to talk to her than to others. But for all that had happened in her past, Joan had maintained a rarely-changing expression of passivity throughout the time she’d been reincarnated. Perhaps as a defense mechanism, perhaps simply because that was her resting face; the girl just kept her emotions to herself. However, now, it was incredibly visible that she was experiencing the worst kind of gnawing fear if you knew how to look for it. Nails digging into her arms as she crossed them over her chest, eyes darting all over, and her heel pressing against her other shin like she was trying to keep from anxious tapping. The only reason her lip wasn’t chewed raw was because of the wires and rubber bands anchoring her mouth firmly shut.

Immediately, the irritation turned to alarm bells.

The two just looked at each other for a few minutes, neither seemingly willing to break the silence first. Then, slowly, Joan took one step into the dressing room. Now her fingers were digging into her arm more. Aragon felt the strongest urge to get up from her chair and check to make sure she hadn’t broken skin, but at the same time, she feared that if she tried to move too quickly she would spook this very obviously troubled girl back into her usual repression. It would be wiser to wait for her to say whatever it was she was struggling to get out, but that didn’t make the decision any easier as a thousand and one possibilities as to what could have gone wrong raced through her head.

“May I talk to you, Aragon?”

The hesitation in the girl’s sign language only made those alarm bells ringing in her head louder. It was only her many, many years as a queen that allowed Aragon to keep her voice calm.

“Of course, Joan. Come, sit.”

Slowly, painfully so, Joan made her way to the chair opposite her, after closing the door to the dressing room behind her. But she didn’t sit down. Rather, she stood next to it. Ordinarily Aragon might have taken that as one of those little acts of rebellion Kitty liked to partake in from time to time, but not in this case. It felt more like the unwillingness of a confronted animal to lay down, for fear that they might need to flee at a moment's notice. That bad, then. Carefully, the queen put her bookmark in between the pages she was on and then set the book to the side. Whatever this was about, she doubted it would be over quickly.

“Now then, what is it you want to discuss?”

“Well… The director talked to me. He said I should take some time off to heal.” Joan signed.

“That’s good,” Aragon said. However, she noticed the frown set on Joan’s lips and realized that it was most definitely not a good thing.

“Maybe.” Joan let her hands go limp for a movement, then raised them again to continue. “But that got me thinking. Maybe, even after I heal, I should just leave the wires in. Seems like everyone would be happier without me talking.”

“Joan, you can’t seriously be thinking of doing that?”

Through great force of will Aragon managed to keep her tone mostly level, but even the very slight undertone of ice and steel buried under a dozen layers of constraint made Joan flinch.

“I-I just....”

“I don’t see why you think that’s a good idea. Do you know how damaging that could be for your mouth? It can’t remain shut forever.”

“Aragon-”

“Not to mention that you could put so many other factors at risk-”

“Aragon, please!”

Well that cut her off sharply.

For a moment Aragon just blinked at the girl, startled. This was perhaps the first time she had heard Joan raise her voice at anybody, let alone a queen. It was especially shocking because it had come out more as a strangled hiss between firmly clamped teeth, like the freezing whisper of a fanged glacier. But as she got over that element of surprise, she noticed two things about the girl standing before her. Firstly, it was that she was shaking, quite badly, actually. And secondly, that the bruises along her cheeks were ignited in shades of ivory and indigo and violet from the way she had been clenching her jaws through their bindings.

Moving oh-so-carefully, Aragon up her purse and began to rifle through it. Joan stepped back, but what she brought out wasn’t some form of weapon, but rather a small tin box. A box which Aragon opened and turned towards her.

“Have a mint, Joan.”

Joan just looked at her, baffled.

Aragon quickly realized her mistake and grimaced. It gets the smallest, weakest smile from Joan. She takes one, despite knowing she couldn’t eat it, signed a rapid apology, then left.

———

Trudging into the coffee shop during a fire-breathing rainstorm made Joan miserable enough, but it only got worse when the shrewd older woman working the counter wouldn’t take her order when she attempted to sign it to her and then write it out.

“I’m sorry, but you’re going to need to use your words.” She oozed.

Joan gestured for her bruised mouth and then bared her teeth so she could show the woman that they were firmly clamped shut with rubber bands. The worker leaned back slightly in distaste.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” She said. “Mutes aren’t our top priority here. You can just wait your turn while I handle the other customers.”

Joan waved her head around to find the shop completely empty thanks to the storm outside. She turned back to the worker with an “are you kidding me?” look.

“She’s in the bathroom.” The worker said cooly.

Joan glowered, but her anger quickly dissolved and she made the closest thing to a sigh that she could manage. She stepped away from the counter and waited.

Several long moments passed. The rain outside continuously eased up and then fell harder as if Mother Nature couldn’t decide if she wanted to flood the city today or not. The worker behind the counter kept glancing at Joan, hoping that she would just give up and leave. She was now regretting telling her to wait because it meant she had some disabled kid just loitering in her store when the front door suddenly swung open.

Two haughty American tourists came in with a spray of raindrops, closing their umbrellas, but keeping up their giddy chatter as they approached the counter. One of them glanced at Joan with a questioning look. The worker waved a dismissive hand.

“Ignore her,” She said. “She’s waiting her turn until she learns how to speak up.”

Joan glared and, once again, gestured for her mouth.

“What is wrong with you?” One of the two customers said, pacing around Joan while the other placed an order. “Why don’t you speak?” He eyed Joan’s bruised jaw. “Ohhh. I see.”

“My little brother broke his jaw once,” His friend piped up. “He couldn’t talk for two months!”

“What does it feel like?” The one in front of Joan asked. “Does it hurt?”

Then, without warning, he poked her roughly in the jaw, as if he were trying to pry it open himself. Joan swatted his hands away frantically and reared back, rubbing the area that had been touched. Pain spiraled from her mouth all over again.

“Don’t be a brute.” Said a sharp, barbed voice from behind Joan.

“Oh, hey!” The customer at the counter said. “You’re Anne Boleyn, aren’t you?”

Joan turned and was shocked to see that it was, in fact, Anne Boleyn herself standing there. Her arms were crossed firmly over her chest and her eyes narrowed in a venomous glare. She looked like a coiled up snake ready to lunge.

“Yes,” Anne said, casting a dark glare down on the customers, who step away, sensing her anger. She comes up beside Joan and sets a comforting, protective hand on her shoulder. “You will not touch her again.”

The two tourists nodded and awkwardly sidled away to take their drinks and scamper out with their proverbial tails tucked between their legs.

“Now,” Anne turned her glower on the worker. “I understand that Joan had wanted something?”

“She can wait. You were here first.” The worker said.

Anne ruffled. “Serve her right now.” She snarled lowly, and even Joan was startled by her sudden tone. It was as deep and rumbling as a big cat’s growl, yet cold and scaly like a King Cobra.

The worker didn’t dare quarrel with the woman, so she plucked up the piece of paper left on the counter with Joan’s order and began to make the drink. The whole time, Joan stood still at Anne’s side, eyes wide.

After the drink was finished, Anne ordered one of her own, paid, and then guided Joan over to the front of the shop. She’s not at all bristled anymore and wore a warm smile on her lips.

“That was fun,” She chuckled lightly. “Say, kiddo, wanna come over for dinner? Sudden, I know-“ She laughed this time, a hearty, real one. “But I want to keep an eye on you. Plus, I know we’re having soup tonight. You can eat soup, can’t you?”

Joan nodded, flustered. Anne’s grin grew wider.

“Wonderful.”

—

“We have company!” Anne chimed loudly as she walked through the front door with a fidgeting Joan in tow.

Several heads popped up from an area in the downstairs area, each wearing a different expression- Cathy at the dining table with a curious look, Kitty and Jane on the couch with matching bitter frowns, Cleves from the downstairs hallway with friendly eyes, and Aragon in the kitchen with a warm grin. All Joan can do is give a tiny wave and a nervous smile.

“Hello, dear,” Aragon greeted as Anne and Joan walked over to the kitchen counter. The smell of basil and tomatoes drifted from the pot she was stirring. Anne’s memory hadn’t failed her- they were eating soup that night.

“Hello, beautiful.” Anne replied and Aragon shot her a look, although Joan could tell it was mock-annoyance. “I found this little rascal,” She set a hand on Joan’s head. “at that coffee shop with really good hot chocolate but really shitty workers.”

Aragon knew exactly what she meant, as she gave a knowing nod.

“Ah. That one.” She shook her head, looking back down at the pot. “I’m not sure what they did, but I’ll make sure to leave a one-star review on Yelp.”

Anne laughed, and even Joan gave a tiny giggle.

“Oh! I should show you my falcon before dinner!”

“It’s raining,” Jane said helpfully from the couch. Anne gave her a snake-like glower.

“Don’t be a buzzkill,” She said. “Come on, my darling!”

She grabbed Joan by the hand and led her out to the backyard, missing the blush that dusted her cheeks from the use of the pet name.

The two of them walk out to the backyard, Joan holding an umbrella over their heads, and towards a large wooden structure. It sort of looked like a house with a metal net grating over the sides. Joan could see several perches from inside it.

Anne gave her a wild smile before she slipped on a glove and opened the small door on the front. She held her arm into the pen and then pulled back after a moment, a beautiful brown and grey falcon perched on her wrist. Joan goggles at it with wide eyes.

“This is Baguette.” Anne said. “Just kidding! Her name is Freya. Isn’t she pretty?”

Joan nodded excitedly.

“Watch this.” Anne grinned. “Freya! Hup!”

Anne threw a leather lure as high as she could in the air and Freya shot off of her arm like a rocket. Her wings were primed and they slammed down with more than enough force to send her spiraling into the sky. He darted after the lure, and Anne snapped the cord attached to it, sending the mouse-sized lump off to the side, spinning like a satellite on a line around her. Freya banked, flying up and away a short way before looping around and diving at the lure. It’s clear that she is very good at this game, but Anne had learned just the right moment to change the angle of her swing, switching the direction the lure is sailing and throwing her off just enough that she has to make another pass.

Anne twirled the lure like a lasso, changing the pitch and yaw of the loops, sending it higher, lower, and in sweeping waves. Freya moves like a lightning strike in a hurricane, dive bombing one moment just as she yanks it away, rising back to circle, prepare, and dive again.

They fall into a rhythm, just different enough to keep them on their toes, but solid enough that the rest of the world faded away, until Freya broke off suddenly, catching a glimpse of something else.

“Freya!” Anne shouted as Joan giggled softly beside her. She snapped the lure in an attempt to catch her bird’s attention. “Come on! You’re making a bad first impression!”

Freya wheeled around after a moment and soared back down to the two. She lands dutifully on Anne’s outstretched arm, but is clearly a little crabby about not being able to catch her prey. She eases up when Anne gives her a treat.

“Wanna hold her?” Anne asked Joan, who nodded eagerly. She passed the girl a glove, which she quickly pulled on. “Okay. Be very careful, okay? And don’t freak out.”

Anne took the umbrella and passed Freya over to Joan. The bird stepped onto the younger girl’s arms and flexed her razor sharp talons around the glove, squeezing Joan’s wrist. Joan eyed the claws wryly.

Anne could tell Joan had a million questions, but her wired jaw kept her from verbalizing them. All she could do was stare at the falcon and the falconer with saucer-wide eyes.

“Dinner’s ready!” Aragon suddenly called from the back door.

Joan jolted a little and instinctively leaned away, but Freya remained poised on her arm. Anne laughed and put her bird back into her pen.

“Impressed?” She grinned.

Joan nodded.

“Good!” Anne said. “Now, let’s get inside before Catalina starts yelling at us about catching our death out here or something.”

The two of them walked back inside the house, being hit by the wonderful smell of the soup, which Aragon was pouring into seven different colored bowls. She smiled at them.

“Have fun?”

“Yup!” Anne said. “Joan was very impressed.”

Joan gave two thumbs up in agreement. Aragon’s heart melted.

“Why are there seven bowls?” Kitty asked obnoxiously.

“Uhh. Joan.” Aragon answered, blinking. “You should know that, Kat. She’s standing right there.”

“Yeah, but... Can she even eat?”

“Kit, don’t be stupid,” Anne said, slightly defensive. “Come on, stop acting like this. You know damn well that the doctors wouldn’t wire her jaw shut for a long period of time if she wouldn’t be able to eat or drink for that long.”

Kitty is clearly miffed by her cousin not being on her side and shoots a glare at Joan for it. Then, she raised her nose, looked away, and huffed out an annoyed breath.

“How long will the wires be there?” Cathy asked curiously.

Joan held up eight fingers.

“Weeks?”

She nodded.

There was a swell of murmurs- intrigued, pitiful, amused. Aragon was the one who grimaced.

“I couldn���t imagine that,” She said, rubbing her own jaw as if she thought it might spontaneously break. “Not being able to open my mouth for that long.”

“It’s like reverse lockjaw,” Cleves observed. “Just with less seizures.”

“Does it hurt?” Cathy asked.

Joan made a so-so gesture and then set a tentative hand on one of her heavily bruised cheeks, remembering the touch from that rude tourist. Ever since she had been prodded, her jaw had started hurting again. It felt like someone was trying to forcefully pry her mouth open with a crowbar.

She tried to just ignore it and sat down at the dinner table after getting her bowl. The soup was a lot chunkier than she had been expecting; she looked at the slices of potato in dismay, unsure how she would get them past her firm wall of teeth.

“Need a straw?” Kitty teased. She yelped loudly when Anne kicked her underneath the table.

Joan scowled at the pink queen, then brought a spoonful of soup to her lips. She had to awkwardly tip her head back slightly to make sure she didn’t spill anything on her. Sadly, her teeth were too bound together by rubber-bands to keep her jaws from moving from opening just a sliver to allow the bits of meat and potato to pass through, so only the liquids that flow through the random holes between her teeth reach her throat and stomach.

It had been much easier to drink her coffee.

“Sweetheart,” Aragon said, unable to watch the poor girl struggle any longer. “I’ll get the blender.”

Joan hunched her shoulders, embarrassed. Kitty tittered. Anne kicked her again.

“Ow!” Kitty whined. “Stop doing that!”

“Then stop being a brat.” Anne said cooly.

“I’m not a brat!”

“Well, you’re acting like one right now.”

“This is very entertaining.” Cleves commented. Anne flashed her an agreeing grin. Kitty sulked.

The loud sound of the blender stopped the argument from continuing. A few moments later, Aragon set a cup of blended soup with a straw in front of Joan. Joan gawked at it and then looked up at Aragon, one eyebrow raised. Aragon quickly swiped the straw.

“First the mint and now this?” Anne laughed.

“What mint?” Cathy asked.

“Catalina apparently offered Joan a mint earlier.” Anne told her.

Laughter erupted around the table. Aragon rolled her eyes as she sat back down.

“It was a mistake!” She tried to defend herself. “And an accident!”

Joan gave her a small smile before going back to eating. Well- drinking. Although, it wasn’t much easier. She wished she had the syringe she had been using for the past two days or the tube the doctors had used with her.

She quickly licked off the thick caking of soup on her lips, hoping that nobody had noticed it was there, then saw Kitty leering at her. She bristled and raised her eyebrows as if to say, “What?”

“What’s the name of that Warriors cat with the weird jaw?” Kitty asked the rest of the group, pleasantly pretending like Joan wasn’t sitting just a few feet away from her.

“Crookedjaw?” Cathy answered.

“Yeah!” Kitty turned to Joan with a smile as crooked as the girl’s mouth. “We can call you Crookedjaw! Seems like a fitting nickname.”

Anne gaped in horror at her younger cousin. She was so startled that she couldn’t even kick the queen. Aragon, on the other hand, wasn’t as stricken as she was.

“Katherine, what the fuck?” Aragon seethed.

“What?” Kitty said innocently. “It fits her!”

“Are you fucking nuts?” Aragon said, eyes wide and burning like hot embers. “No, actually- are you stupid?”

“She was just messing around, Catherine.” Jane tried to smooth things over.

“Don’t defend her!” Aragon snapped. “You should tighten the leash on her.”

“She’s not a dog.” Jane hissed.

“And yet she’s as annoying as a chihuahua that never shuts up,” Aragon said. She stood up, grabbed her bowl, and walked over to Joan. “Come on, Joan.”

Joan got up and followed her to the staircase. Anne went with them, but not without rounding on her cousin.

“If you’re going to call her Crookedjaw, then maybe we should start calling you Lostneck or Severedhead.” She said coldly. A mocking smile curled on her lips. “Because it fits.”

Kitty went rigid, but neither Anne or Aragon stuck around for her possible panic attack. They herd Joan upstairs and to Aragon’s room.

“I am so sorry, Joan.” Anne said once they were inside. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

“She thinks everything will be handed to her on a silver platter.” Aragon stated as she began to rummage through her pajamas. “Entitled brat. Just like you said.”

Anne nodded in agreement, then looked back at Joan. She carefully cupped one of her cheeks.

“Are you okay, my darling?”

Joan closed her eyes, unconsciously leaned into the touch, and nodded.

“Alright.” Anne said. “So... Movie night?”

“Sounds good to me,” Aragon said. She tossed a pair of pajamas over to Joan. “They might be a little big, but you can wear these.”

Joan nodded and padded off to the bathroom to change. When she returns, she finds Aragon and Anne already situated on the bed in their pajamas. Aragon was clad in a pale yellow nightgown with white rims and a bow near the collar, while Anne was dressed in green cotton sleeping pants and a button-down shirt of the same color. Joan looked a lot less fancy in a grey T-shirt with something about a fishing competition embroidered in white on it, which she had no idea what the origins of it being Catherine of Aragon’s dresser were, and some black gym shorts.

“Come on,” Anne waved her over, rolling out of the bed. “Lay down!”

It takes Joan a moment to realize she was supposed to lay in between them. She swallowed down her flustered feelings and obeyed, clambering up the side of the bed and sitting beside Aragon with her knees huddled close to her chest. She could feel the golden queen’s comforting warmth wavering off of her half-reclined body.

God, she was pathetic. Ever since Anne she touched her shoulder at that coffee shop something had awoken within her and refused to go back to sleep.

That something ranged from a persistently mewing kitten to a starved, roaring lion—she’d tried for a sheep or goat metaphor, because that seemed more fitting for her, but frankly, sheep were a good bit easier to manage than whatever this was.

Joan pointed to the TV as movies were flicked through and then gave each queen a questioning look. She knew she could sign, but she didn’t feel like putting Anne and Aragon through the process of having to translate what she was saying. Plus, just being completely quiet and onto using facial features and occasional gestures like this almost felt...serene.

“We’re watching Hush.” Anne said, smirking slightly. “Which has absolutely nothing to do with you not being able to talk, I promise.”

Joan giggled softly and nodded.

“Only because you lost Rock, Paper, Scissors.” Aragon retorted. She looked at Joan with motherly concern that nearly sent Joan keeling over into her chest crying. “Are you okay to watch it?”

Joan nodded. She could take it, really! She wasn’t a baby!

And yet, when the neighbor character is suddenly slammed against the glass backdoor with a knife in her gut, she still lurched backwards and nearly climbed up the headboard in fear. Anne laughed sympathetically, while Aragon gently touched her hand.

“Are you okay, sweet girl?” She asked softly.

Joan nodded, but still ducked her head away from the screen, wincing.

Aragon watched the poor girl cringe for two more minutes before she wrapped her up in her arms and pulled her securely against her chest. Joan was clearly surprised by this, but didn’t make any move to pull away. In fact, she burrowed deep into her embrace.

“Awww,” Anne cooed, glancing at the two of them. “So cute.”

“Jealous?” Aragon smirked.

Anne stuck her tongue out at her, then resumed watching.

Joan peeked out from where she had her face smothered in Aragon’s soft chest and begrudgingly continued to watch the movie because she was interested in it, she was just a tad bit frightened by it. But, again, it was okay! SHE was okay!

And then they got to the closeup of Maddie’s hand being broken and the memory of falling down the stairs flashed through Joan’s brain- slipping and falling, tumbling down each step, smashing her jaw into the tile at the bottom, the bones in her mouth crunching and cracking and grinding, her teeth cutting into her tongue and feeling like it had been severed completely, blood gargling in her throat, everyone staring at her. It was horrific, it STILL WAS horrific.

“Anne!” Aragon barked when Joan whimpered and hid her face back into her chest.

“I didn’t know that was in it!” Anne said, raising her hands. “This is the first time I’m seeing this!”

Anne paused the movie and turned to Joan, who was shaking in Aragon’s arm. She gently began to rub her back comfortingly, seeing as Aragon was already stroking her hair.

“Joan? My darling?” Anne called. “Are you okay?”

Joan nodded weakly, sniffling. She raised her head and Aragon immediately wiped away the tears in her eyes.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Aragon murmured.

“Does anything hurt?” Anne asked. “Or did you just get scared?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Aragon nodded. “What she said! Are you hurting?”

Joan shrugged, looking away. Aragon slapped Anne’s arm frantically.

“Go get painkillers.”

“Catalina, how is she supposed to swallow a PILL?” Anne cried.

“Oh no, you’re right!” Aragon pulled Joan close to her bosom and bright red mixed awkwardly with purple and blue on the girl’s face. “My baby’s going to die!” She said woefully.

“She’s not going to—” Anne had to stop to give Aragon a confused looked. “She’s not going to die, Catalina.” She glanced momentarily at Joan smooshed against her chest. “I mean, not from not taking a pill, but your tits might suffocate her to death.”

Aragon looked down at Joan and quickly pushed her back. She cleared her throat and smoothed out her nightgown.

“Yes. Of course.” She said and Anne and Joan both laughed. She gave them a look. “I was just acting! I am an actor. And you fell for it!”

Anne rolled her eyes in a good natured way. “Yeah, okay.”

After making sure Joan was completely okay, they ended up switching the movie to The Incredibles 2. Joan was still very giddy from the way both queens fussed over her, and yet she still found her eyelids drooping shut...

—

“Catalina, look,” Anne whispered.

Aragon turned her attention away from the movie to look at Joan curled against Anne, soundly asleep. Then, she noticed one of the girl’s hands grasping three of her fingers- apparently she couldn’t find the other two in her tired daze. Her heart absolutely melted.

“Oh my,” She murmured. “What a sweet girl.”

“I know,” Anne grinned. “She’s so cute.” She leaned down to press a soft kiss to the top of Joan’s head, causing her to stir with a sleepy noise before settling down. Anne gently began to stroke her hair.

Aragon moved closer until she and Anne were practically sandwiching the girl with their bodies. Joan seemed content, though, as she would constantly nuzzle closer to the warmth and touch.

Perhaps the eight weeks wouldn’t be so bad after all...

[kozukenkitten]

Reader with Dysnomia Headcanons - Shinsou, Bakugou, Kirishima

An Author's Note/Preface: Dysnomia is a learning disorder under the classification of processing deficits, the 5th most common form of learning disability (behind dyslexia, ADHD, dyscalculia, and dysgraphia, in that order). It basically means that you struggle with specific memory recall- names of objects, places, feelings, people, etc. are often the largest struggle for people, despite being able to perfectly describe the visual aspects of the word you're trying to find- and that your brain is thinking too fast for the rest of you, particularly the muscles involved with speech, to properly process it and coherently express your thoughts through words, leading to an audibly severe stutter. (For example, US presidential nominee/former Vice President Joe Biden has dysnomia. And although you would probably never know it since I don't post audio memos and I've undergone years of speech therapy, I also have dysnomia.) If you have any further questions about dysnomia after reading this post, please reach out, and I'll do my best to provide you with information and resources!

Author's Note #2: I've been working on this one for the last 3 days or so, and I will admit it's a bit self indulgent because I'm v much in need of comfort because my dysnomia has been acting up especially terribly this week with all the stressful things cropping up in my life right now, but I hope y'all enjoy it nonetheless.

Shinsou Hitoshi

Hitoshi is very conscious of your disability.

He first notices it when you're studying together, as you're trying so desperately to say the name of the historical figure you know is the answer to his question, grasping for their name as you ramble on, describing literally everything you know about them to the sharpest detail, as if that might finally help you blurt the name out.

You're nearly in tears over it, stressed and anxious and frustrated by your brain's failure to do its job for you, over a piece of information you know that you knew.

His immediate response is to distract you for a bit, and let your brain take a break.

"I don't know about you, Kitten, but I need a break from studying for a bit. How about we grab a snack and relax for a few minutes, and we can come back to the question later?"

You feel heat rising to your cheeks, knowing what he's doing. He's obviously doing this for your sake and is trying to be subtle about it so he doesn't make you feel any more embarrassed than you already feel. But you appreciate his effort, if nothing else, so you agree. A break sounds nice, and more than anything, you need a nice long hug.

Hitoshi gets a couple of cups of water and your favorite snack, which he tends to keep around for you, and then settles you both on his bed, with you between his legs as his arms wrap around your midsection to hold you close against him.

He presses sweet little kisses to your cheeks and neck, comforting you. You can't help relaxing into his arms.

He's turned on his tv and set it to a lighthearted show. After a little while, you've completely forgotten about what you were struggling with, until the name finally pops into your head, completely unbidden.

"NAPOLEON BONAPARTE!" You exclaim excitedly, twisting around in Hitoshi's arms to face him. "Did I get it right, 'Toshi?!"

He lazily grins at you, the warmth of pride seeping into his expression. "Yes, Kitten, that's right. I knew you'd get there."

Bakugou Katsuki

Katsuki's kind of a jerk about it at first, because he finds it hard to understand what the issue is.

Like, why are you suddenly forgetting the name of the person who's been your best friend since you were three? Why are there times where you struggle to remember the names of your friends, including him?

Honestly that might be the straw that breaks his back. You can forget the names of all those extras all you want, but forgetting HIS name when you go to greet him one morning? No, no, no.

He confronts you from a place of frustration, and chances are, you break down and it makes the entire issue worse to the point where what you're trying to say has become incomprehensible between the stress aggravating your disorder and being furious at his lack of understanding, so you end up walking away from the situation and hole yourself up in your room for the rest of the day, asking Ochako or Momo to bring you your meals if it doesn't interfere with their schedules too much that day.

He only starts to understand when he overhears you in a meeting a couple of weeks later, with Aizawa-sensei and your speech therapist, going over how your disorder has been affecting your academics and your social life, and hearing you discussing how you three could work together to improve your situation.

That's how you end up with Katsuki begrudgingly apologizing to you and offering to tutor you, with a promise that he'll try to be patient and not get upset when you're struggling to process and communicate information.

Tbh, you're kind of pissed he listened in on such an intimate, private conversation, especially when you were still upset with him for being angry with you over something you couldn't control, but a large part of you is also glad that he's finally starting to understand your disorder, and is appreciative of his offer to try and help you. (Although you won't hold your breath on avoiding a temper flare the next time you can't remember his name. That's a sore subject for him, it seems, after all.)

You'd never know it, because he'd try to hide it for the sake of his ego, but he spends a week nonstop researching dysnomia after he overhears the conversation with Aizawa and your speech therapist. He wants to understand how and why it happens, and what signs to look for so he can try to help you when you're struggling (and so he can brace himself and stay calm when he starts to get frustrated).

He would try really hard to help you, but would likely need to step away at times to avoid going off on you in his frustration, and would likely send Mina, Kiri, and/or Kaminari to help instead if it got to be too much. (This probably leads to them playing guessing games with you to try and figure it out, which may lead into a game of charades somehow, and may drive him up the wall even worse, but it eventually gets the job done, if only because they distract you until you finally remember what you were trying to say.)

Ultimately, it takes Katsuki a while to adjust, but while he's not the most openly compassionate person, he works hard at controlling his temper when it comes to your memory lapses, and really does try hard to help you or find someone who can.

Will probably panic and be super awkward if/when you start crying in frustration. Awkward side hug will almost definitely happen. Eventually figures out that if he wraps you in a blanket and reads to you or watches something with you, you'll stop worrying about focusing on remembering, and it will come to you after a little bit.

Kirishima Eijirou

You were pretty up front with Eijirou about your dysnomia, because he seemed like a really sweet guy who would be willing to help you through an episode.

Eijirou notices pretty quickly when your first episode in his presence starts, because you start to get visibly frustrated and a bit prickly. You were literally just about to say something as you went on excitedly about a success you'd had in class, the occasional stammer slipping through your speech as your pace increased, but suddenly can't remember what you were going to say.

"You okay, Pebble?" He asks, an expression of confusion and concern crossing his face as tears prickle your eyes.

"I- I'm okay, just- just really, really frustrated, that's- that's all." You ramble out, shaking your head as he pulls you to him.

"Hey, it's okay, you know. Whatever's going on, you'll be okay. C'mere, baby. Let me take care of you?"

You nod your consent, letting yourself melt against him and burying your face in his shoulder, the salty tears falling as you let him comfort you.

You can't help feeling frustrated, but at the same time, Eijirou knows you well enough to know that you'll be okay with time, so he immediately jumps to whispering little jokes and stories in your ear as he rubs your back with one palm.

"Hey, did I ever tell you about the time Suneater accidentally challenged Fatgum to an eating contest at the BBQ joint outside the agency?" He asks with a grin, regaling you with the tale when you shake your head no, a small, barely noticable curious gleam in your eyes.

"... and that's how Suneater almost beat Fatgum at an eating contest! Can you believe it, Pebble?"

You giggle and snort a bit. "I don't think I can, a-are you sure you're not making it up, Eiji?"

He laughs boisterously, jostling you as he pulls you into his lap. "Not a chance, I'm completely serious! Want to ask Suneater yourself? I'll call him right now, if you want?"

He has his phone out in a flash, and presses dial before you can even reply, asking Tamaki to confirm that he really did almost beat Fatgum at an eating contest.

You're stunned at his determination to make you believe him, but can't help busting up laughing when Tamaki confirms Eijirou was telling the truth, before asking why he needed to hear it from him when he was there too.

"Y/N here didn't believe me when I said you did, so I had to prove it! Thanks senpai! See you on patrol tomorrow!"

He hung up before Tamaki could get a word in edgewise, grinning at you cheekily. "See? What did I tell you?"

"Eiji, you just hung up on Tamaki-senpai before he could even say goodbye!! That was so rude of you!" You're just starting to come down from your fit of laughter as Eijirou sputters and rushes to message an apology to Tamaki, when suddenly, you grip his arm and excitedly tell him, "Sensei told me today that I scored the highest grade in class on that one quirk studies project, you know, the one I put in three weeks' work in to get just how I wanted it? That's what I was trying to tell you earlier!"

Eijirou beams at you and kisses your forehead. "That's awesome, Pebble! I'm so proud of you, you know that? I knew you'd do great! All your hard work paid off!"

He's elated to see you smiling again, all the stress melting away from your face as he peppers your face with kisses and praises you for your hard work.

100/10 best at easing your anxieties and helping you take it easy when you get too worked up. Best storyteller, very engaging, very comforting.

[thebeauregardbros]

“The Ultimate Character Questionnaire”: Alus Beauregard

a fuckton of random questions abt alus ramblingly answered

questions stolen from [here]. i cut out ones that ask the same questions i accidentally answered prior, or just didn’t interest me enough to answer, so if you wanna do this for your own OC I recommend copy+pasting it from the source!

Basic Character Questions

First name? Alus (pronounced ‘Ah-Loose’)

Surname? Beauregard (taken from adoptive father)

Nicknames? Alus wants to be called “Al” but it doesn’t stick because his name is already short. Lots of people unfortunately call him Alice. he does not like that

Date of birth? unknown but he celebrates his birthday on All Saint’s Wake (aka Halloween)

Age? Funfact: Alus and Arc’s age is the age between the RPers’ real-world ages (I’m 24, Arc’s player is 25, but for a brief period Arc’s player becomes 26 while I’m still 24.) So they’re going to be 25 this year (2020)... what the fuck. stop growing. dont do that.

Physical / Appearance

Height? I... he’s tall. Despite Alus being the max height for Miqo’te characters (5′8″/173cm), other male Miqo’te RPers say their characters are taller than that anyway, so I’m like.. not sure what to answer. I don’t want to break reasonable canon of what’s possible for Miqo’te but I also don’t want him to be short or average sized in comparison to other average Miqo’te. I’m just gonna say, definitively, “Alus is tall for a Miqo’te”. If you have a tall Miqo, Alus is just as tall. Or half an inch taller. Take that as whatever you want. I’m tired.

Weight? I... don’t know? This question really doesn’t clarify anything to me; people can be the same height and weight and look totally different in body type. If you absolutely had to get an answer from me, my best guess is maybe somewhere between 170lbs-180lbs? (assuming he is 5′8″)

Build? Wide shoulders, slender hips, long legs, big wide chest and a nice strong core. He is muscular; burly and brawny; his body type feels intimidating and large. He has a healthy amount of fat over his muscles, but still has much clearly visible muscle especially while flexing.

Hair colour? Golden blonde; it’s got a subtle yellow-ish tone that reminds you of sunshine.

Hair style? Alus’ hair is naturally thick and wavy. His hair is grown out long; about armpit length. His hair is choppy, even somewhat feathered. It’s a bit badly damaged from years on the road, but the split ends and fly-aways sparkle brilliantly in the sunlight like a messy halo around his head. His hair naturally very poofy, like damaged 80s hair. Long bangs that were once pushed back fall gracefully over his face like a wild child running about in spring. Whilst resting away from work, he braids it loosely.

Eye colour? Heterochromia; A raspberry red in one pupil, and a sun-shiny yellow-orange in the other.

Eye Shape? Thin and serious, and slightly down-turned. Small double-lid.

Glasses or contact lenses? His eyes are overall pretty healthy, but he’s slightly far-sighted. He uses glasses once in awhile to read, but they’re not super necessary.

Distinguishing facial features? Heterochromia and his adult male Miqo’te markings. He tends to wear purple eyeshadow around his eyes and a subtle purple lip tint.

Which facial feature is most prominent? The facial structure of Alus more resembles an Elezen than a typical Miqo’te; he has a long slender nose, a oval face shape and noticeably high cheekbones.

Which bodily feature is most prominent? Alus’ lion-like tail is somewhat unique among other typical Miqo’te.

Other distinguishing features? His style of dress tends to stand out in a crowd; he favors pure white and soft pastels over more popular color tones among adventurers like blacks and greys. Also unlike the typical adventurer, he is more want to wear fabrics of the fancy and soft nobleman, decked out in frills and lace like a prince locked far away in a chamber more than any man on a dusty and bloody battlefield.

Skin? Uh... a... “medium tan” skintone? (again I have no idea how tf I’m supposed to figure out labels for skin tones when there’s no widely used phrases for specific tones fghdjkgh) with a “warm gold undertone”. The small amount of skin that’s ever exposed upon him is surprisingly soft, as if he never did much hard work in his life. [SPOILER]Underneath his clothes, however...The countless scars upon his torso, back, legs and upper-arms are rough and hard, like treated leather.[/SPOILER]

Birthmarks? Not that he knows of. He has lots of scars from messing around in his childhood but he can’t remember the origin of them all. Any of them could be birth marks as far as he can tell.

Tattoos? None! And he never plans to get one. He has yet to see any tattoos that match his personal aesthetics of what he’d put on his body yet and even if he did, he can’t imagine liking them enough to want to get one.

Physical handicaps? [SPOILER]Numbness in various small patches of skin throughout his body.[SPOILER]

Type of clothes? I already answered this somewhat but if you’re curious about specifics, I made [this pinterest] of stuff I’d imagine he’d wear. Pretty much just take the “aristocrat” Japanese street fashion genre and turn it white, and give it a bit of a gold trim. Lots of frills and lace; heavily inspired by fantastical shoujo manga glorified depictions of what a Prince Charming looks like in medieval setting fairy tales.

How do they wear their clothes? Some (not all) of the specific guidelines I have in my head of what his wardrobe’s like; Colors are only pastels, white, or gold - once in a blue moon he might wear a rich dark raspberry red color or bright orange or yellow. He will NEVER wear grey or black. Pants have to be long enough to reach the ankles. He prefers wearing his shirts tucked-in. Clothes MUST fully cover everything on his body excluding head, neck, and hands at all times - low neckline acceptable in off-duty time. Under special occasions only (ie beachware); lower arms, top of feet or shins can be uncovered. He wears a lot of jabot ties.

What are their feet like? (type of shoes, state of shoes, socks, feet, pristine, dirty, worn, etc) Alus takes his quality of fashion seriously. He’s the type of guy who wears expensive fancy soft white socks trimmed with gold nobody will ever see with the little suspenders on his legs to keep the socks from sagging down. He adores wearing white pointed dress shoes, especially if they have a bit of a high heel. Gold jewelry or buckles are lovely, and any shoe with lace, bows, ribbons, fancy beadwork or faux flowers are supreme. (Google image search ‘Bridal Boots’ if you wanna see his shoes. He’d seriously wear any of them.)

Race / Ethnicity? hhhhhhhhh it’s 5am man I dont have the energy to google faces until i find a reasonable faceclaim and try to figure out that person’s ethnicity... they’re Fantasy Characters... alus is a miqo’te.. maybe had some elezen or hyur in his lineage? idk

Mannerisms? Alus is like a living embodiment of a cartoon Disney prince. I don’t know how to better describe it; He’s elegant and gentle for the most part but can also so comically stiff you could mistake him for an automaton or a piece of background cardboard - then when the moment hits, he can spring into an unrealistic slapstick looney toon nightmare. He always seems to be in a constant state of floating between elegance, stiffness, and slapstick. There is never a break. There is never an in-between.

Are they in good health? For their active life circumstances of constant physical hardship, they are in amazingly good health.

Do they have any disabilities? I don’t think of ADHD as a disability (and I’m saying that as someone who has autism and most likely ADD or ADHD myself) but it’s classified by a lot of people as a disability. So yeah, uh, Alus absolutely has ADHD.

Personality

Are they more optimistic or pessimistic? Definitely more optimistic, sometimes to a fault. I think there’s a degree of choice in there but he’s kinda lost the boundary between blind trust and trying to believe in people and situations because he morally wants to. He is still a worry wart, and that is what causes him to fight so hard as he does for making things around him better as well as making himself better - but I think he makes a very active effort of not letting anyone see that part of him, maybe in an effort to convince himself as well that everything is and will be okay.

Are they introverted or extroverted? Extroverted in a lot of ways and introverted in others. Alus loves and thrives around people, and I think he’s a bit more drained than the average person when he’s alone vs. being in a crowd, but he’s still living more as an introvert - one-on-one deep talks can make him extremely anxious. He’s great at the surface niceties but can often find himself too devoted to strangers, which leads him into trouble sometimes. He’s like a really great social co-worker and a extremely awkward off-duty member of society that doesn’t really know how to function or navigate normal relationships.

Do they ever put on airs? A b s o l u t e l y. Alus’ entire persona is carefully hand-crafted over a lifetime. It’s not to say “This isn’t who he really is, he’s a liar”, but moreso “He’s not quite the person he wishes he was yet.” He makes a really large effort to put on airs of this confident and beautiful Princely type of heroic figure straight out of a fairy tale where he simultaneously knows that such a goal is impossible, since this isn’t a story book - this is real life, he is flawed and complicated, and nothing is as perfect as you wish it was. But he keeps trying no matter what.

What bad habits do they have? Low-key bullying his brother, for sure. Arc is the only person Alus just can’t really put on airs with so his perfect image just breaks down around him. While Alus appears to be a very gentle and kind individual around other people, he’ll comically slap and roast his brother without mercy. (Don’t worry; it’s mutual between them.)

What makes them laugh out loud? Almost anything. Alus is definitely a big giggler, and an even bigger loud spontaneous laugher.

How do they display affection? There’s two major levels of it. First, it’s showering you with little gifts - sweets, flowers, even money if you’re in need, with nothing asked in return. If you’re very close to him, it’s skinship; he loves spontaneously hugging others and holding hands and all that kinda platonic stuff. He’ll pretty much not let go of your arm if you’re around him. He also loves dancing with people, you bet he’ll do the whole nine yards of weaving you around him, lifting you above his head and dipping you.

Mental handicaps? Hates being touched. He has some really bad memories of being manhandled and despises any type of physical restriction on himself, especially from people he doesn’t find VERY close to him. He hates even more to be seen in casual clothes, especially clothes that expose his skin. He’s really not a fan of his exposed body and it’s gonna take a lot for him to get over it. He’s slowly getting better but it’s a long journey.  

How do they want to be seen by others? Someone to look up to; someone to rely on. He wants to be the hope for humanity, essentially. He wants to inspire others to heroism and kindness just by seeing him, and he wants to make the world a better place just by existing in it.

How do they see themselves? Someone who’s just not good enough; Someone who needs to keep working to be better; someone who’s chosen destiny is to be the hero of humanity.

How are they seen by others? Probably as a weirdo. He definitely comes off as eccentric; his strange comedic ramblings and sudden dancing mid-conversation, as well as his random gifts and bag full of pranks, magic tricks and fireworks just really feel off-the-wall. His immediate devotion to others may also come off as exceedingly suspicious. I think how he dresses and his cafe also indicate he’s kind of the ‘rich unhinged guy’ stereotype. People who know him well though know that he’s an extremely good person who would give you the clothes off his back if you needed them more. He loves humanity and would do anything for it.

Strongest character trait? His stubborn devotion to his ideals, for sure. If he wants something, he’ll work his hardest to make sure it happens.

Weakest character trait? Far too trusting of strangers; he gets taken advantage of very easily, and he’s almost always happy to come back for more. He’ll even give the biggest villain a 2nd and 3rd and 4th chance. His inability to condemn anyone as truly evil may cause far more hardship for everyone in the long run than if he just chose to kill the person or lock them up indefinitely and be done with it.

How competitive are they? Alus thrives in competitive environments due to an absolute love and adoration for sportsmanship. He does a fantastic job making his competitors have fun and feels that a competition that is too one-sided doesn’t have any fun or worth. He loves difficult competition because he feels that it helps better himself and his rival.

Do they make snap judgements or take time to consider? Oh, he’s absolutely a “strike now while the iron’s hot” type of a guy. He knows that even a second of a wait can change things for the worse. He’s also definitely a philosophical type that thinks over every possible scenario in his mind in his off-time, but ultimately, he’ll always be the one running off to get things done as soon as they’re brought to his attention. He’s the opposite of his brother, who wants to slow things down before making rash decisions. Alus just knows those decisions need to be made, so it might as well be now, so he just gets it done and worries about the outcome later.

How do they react to praise? He’s actually probably never used to it. I think he has a bit of a low self-esteem problem in how he sees himself as never quite as good as he wants himself to be, so praise can catch him off-guard pretty easily. He’ll cover that up by clumsily stating something comically over-the-top like “Of course, I am incredible! I am the best! Mwahahaha!” but not before gasping for air and stuttering like a shy schoolgirl first.

How do they react to criticism? He has a great ability to deflect toxicity into positivity; he asks what people mean and tries to understand them. I think if the criticism can be taken as constructive, he’s always happy to take it. If the criticism is just plain mean, I think he’ll ask if there’s anything he can do to help the person he’s talking to - he knows nobody would say such mean things to another unless they were having a pretty bad day.

What is their greatest fear? Oh, y’know. Losing his brother. Slugs and slimy things. If you wanna get painful and philosophical about it, I think he’s terrified of the future. He tries to live in the moment and just do the best he can at all times, but when he sees that what he does doesn’t help a lot of the world to stay safe, it freaks him out. In his mind, he’s doing a lot, but in reality - it’s not much at the grand scheme of things. He tries not to think about it too much. He tries not to think much of the past either - of all the mistakes, of what he could and couldn’t have done. It frustrates him. I guess you could say his greatest fear is his own limits. It never feels like he’s doing enough, or even if he ever could do enough.

What are their biggest secrets? [SPOILERS, OBVIOUSLY] Alus is absolutely disgusted with the military powers of the world, and the politicians. He tries to stay optimistic and bright on the outside - he stays useful and does what he can without complaint, he tries to lie to himself and say it isn’t too bad, tries to focus on the good these systems do, to be placated and trust his brother that things will work out alright in this setup - but he sincerely wishes that somehow they could be abolished entirely. He’s frustrated with the idea of any one person or power having control over the lives of others - people those single powers may never meet - will inevitably cause a lack of humanity and understanding of others. Nobody should have this power, not even him, not even the gods. As Alus’ writer, I don’t think he knows a good alternative, he just knows he’s seen enough immoral and inconsiderate shitfuckery in these systems that he can barely stand it anymore. I think many soldiers probably feel like this eventually. [/SPOILER]

What is their philosophy of life? literally just look at the [quote insp tag]

When was the last time they cried? I FEEL LIKE ALUS IS THE TYPE TO TEAR UP AT EXTREMELY COMMON SHIT TBH?? EVERYTHING IS SO BEAUTIFUL I STARTED CRYING TYPE??

What haunts them? [SPOILER]Literally just... becoming a soldier or a fighter to begin with. He wishes it never happened, he wishes the world didn’t need fighting to begin with. But he knows he can never go back now, and even if he did, he’d probably still become a soldier all over again. It’s all he can do in this violent, terrible world.[/SPOILER]

What are their political views? Notable traits would supporting equality rights for Beastmen, more funding towards helping refugees, more funding to adoption agencies and orphanages, more transparency about tax profit and spending, creating opportunities for different countries to share their culture.. etc. (Note: I like to believe that larger glaring IRL political issues like lack of LGBTQ+ rights, gender inequality, ableism, skin-color-based racism and other large current inhumane social problems aren’t problems in FFXIV’s universe. If your RP character uses bigotry in accurate line of these IRL social issues as a character trait, you are not welcome in my RP circle. Period.)

What will they stand up for? He hates violence in general, so he’ll do whatever he can to stop it. Anyone who seems to be controlling or keeping other people against their will is something he loathes. No means no!

Who do they quote? Urianger. like a lot. Probably mostly accidentally; he picks up a lot of vocal mannerisms from the guy.

Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy? Outdoorsy, for sure. He grew up under the stars and being forced indoors for a long time will probably give him feelings of anxiousness and claustrophobia, especially if the space is small. He has had some bad experiences being unable to go outside so he takes his freedom to roam outdoors very seriously.

What is their sinful little habit? He loves sweets. This guy is all about boasting a healthy diet, but his weakness shows the exact opposite. More serious answer: He tends to procrastinate bad, especially when it comes to his passive military duties.

How do they treat people better than them? If they breathe, they’re royalty. Utmost respect and courtesy. Treats them as if he’s the royal butler to their fancy ass selves, even if they’re the lowest of the low in poverty.

How do they treat people worse than them? Honestly? Pretty much the same answer as above. If he gets truly angry at someone, he’ll tell them how and why straight-up, but he’ll never stop giving them the respect and courtesy he believes every human being deserves.

What quality do they most value in a friend? Someone who is as ridiculously open-hearted and ready to confess love to the nearest person along with anything else in the world as Alus tends to do, but also someone who pays close enough attention to him that they can tell when he’s in distress. Alus has a hard time speaking up about when he feels uncomfortable, so someone who has a talent for empathy - detecting other peoples’ emotions - would be incredibly invaluable. That’s the fastest way to his heart.

What do they consider an overrated virtue? None, and all. He thinks that if anyone gets carried away with any traditional virtue to the point that they’re causing evil in the world, they’re just misguided. He understands that - or at least actively wants to understand that - so he can forgive.

If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be? He... honestly thinks of himself as more of an Elezen than a Miqo’te. So anything that ‘gives away’ that he’s a Miqo’te, he could probably do without. He likes his ears and his tail though! But maybe if he was taller? lmao. (I don’t intend to ever Fantasia Alus FYI, MAYBE if male viera comes out and my partner agrees to it AND I have absolutely no active RP going on, but it’s very unlikely, and if it does happen it will be considered a retcon, not a character development)

What is their obsession? Definitely his aesthetics. He spends an incredibly large amount of time, effort, and money on making himself look and properly act like a “fairy tale prince charming”. It’s not only a philosophical mindset of being moral and heroic, but also being charming and supportive to everyone around himself. He honestly hopes and believes that if he succeeds in creating and upholding this image that every person who rests their eyes upon him will be filled with determination and hope that heroism and safety is real.

What are their pet peeves? He disapproves of the glorification of alcohol, smoking, or any other vices that are bad for the average person’s health. He won’t turn away the people with these vices as potential friends, but he’ll certainly be tempted to lecture them on it. He is also really not a fan of casual skinship between strangers, nor is he a fan of an aggressively pessimistic attitude, nor will he ever really be used to people who wear very little clothing (He isn’t disapproving of the sex industry or sex workers per say, he just doesn’t ‘get it’; he could never imagine himself in their shoes), nor is he a fan of other people trying to change him to be more chill about his aesthetic code (how he dresses, how he positively interacts with others, etc.) - but he tends to be more quiet about his dislike of these things. He tries to stay open minded and patient, but yeah, maybe it’ll take a bit longer to get to ‘close friend’ status with these things.

What are their idiosyncrasies? (special mannerisms?) His posture tends to be stiff as a board: too perfect, like some sort of breathing statue or mechanic humanoid, while at other times it’s as if a switch is flipped to make him become a crazy slapstick ragdoll. He tends to speak in a constant fluctuation of ‘ye olde English’ and common casual speech, and he keeps a few feet distance from people he isn’t especially close with at all times. He’s generous with money and far too trusting of strangers to the point it feels like an overblown parody of these traits. He’s painfully optimistic and takes compliments first with a moment of surprise before he adjusts his reaction with over-the-top narcissistic vigor. He’s a constantly faltering image of himself. He’s a walking symbolism of good-hearted chaos.

Friends and Family

Is their family big or small? Who does it consist of? The only people Alus regards as true family is his twin brother, Arc, and his late adoptive father, Gwenneg. There are other Beauregards in the world, and other great “found family”-esque friends yet to make, but Alus cannot imagine them ever meeting the kind of friendship and connection he has with his brother and had with his father. Perhaps he’s tried in the past, but it just never feels the same. He’s at the point he’s given up on the idea of it happening casually.

What is their perception of family? A close-knit group that is always there for eachother, practically living at eachother’s hips. The type of people you can just glance at and they can read your mind, and even if they disagree with you, they’ll go along with you and fix it later. They’re always up for improving eachother. They are essentially extensions of oneself, and like limbs, even if such is cut - it is carefully looked after and healed, the rest of the body worries and tries to better it, never blaming it’s limb for not being good enough. All part of one system.

Describe their best friend. Arc is undeniably Alus’ best friend. I feel a bit weird talking about my friend’s OC for them, but I will say this; Arc’s strengths are in his slow and strategic approach to things; his love of politics and ability to glide through them, the way he finds the best routes and setups in battle, the timing, everything down to the little tiniest details to turn a battle of either wits or blood - he thinks over all of it, something Alus lacks. And despite being much less prone to trust than the willingly naive Alus, he can find the good in just about anybody when it really comes down to it. Arc knows the dark side of this world and is constantly aware and remembering of it, but understands it’s still worth fighting for. He’s also got a pretty good fashion sense! He seems extremely shady when it comes to his bar business though... It seems to be played up as a joke, but you’re never quite sure as you’re talking to him about it.

Ideal best friend? In assumption this means ‘a best friend besides Arc’, I think Alus’ standards are low. Of course, he’d love to have someone who shares his basic interests of aesthetics and his moral philosophy that centralizes on a love for humanity, and the honor and strength of action to act on it, but he also wants to know someone who can teach him a lot. I think that type of person could be absolutely anyone, especially someone that is nothing like him. Alus doesn’t want to necessarily completely change himself through the journey of knowing anothers’ life, nor change someone else entirely either, even if it’s for the better. He just wants mutual understanding with others. He finds a joy that can be found nowhere else when he feels two people, who don’t have anything in common, can find a common ground. This kind of thing excites him. I think something in-between -- someone who is a lot like him in a lot of ways, but has a few traits he lacks completely -- is ideal for him. 

Describe their other friends / Describe their acquaintances. (combo’d) Alus doesn’t really have other people he regards true friends, I think. He kinda regards every person he meets as his friends. That’s really all there is to it for him.

Do they have any pets? No pets, just a lot of animals that follow him around for food scraps and snacks. He always has an open window for birds and butterflies, and an open door to dodos and chickens and stray cats. He enjoys the company of birds the most, though he’s a fan of the loyal doggy too. In terms of his mounts - He mainly only claims ownership over his military-issued chocobo for paperwork purposes, but regards her as a friend without a voice more than an animal under his ownership.  

Who are their natural allies? Anyone who agrees for humanitarian rights, I think. Alus just exists to be a hero, really.

Who are their surprising allies? People he once fought. He always reaches out a hand for people who’ve made mistakes and tells them that he’ll be their friend if they agree to stop their mean-spirited behavior.

Past and Future

What was your character like as a baby? As a child? Equal combination “good kid” and “absolute little shit”; On the surface, he’d always be loyal to his father and polite to strangers, but the second he and his brother got some time to themselves they’d get into all kinds of shenanigans - especially if they manage to find some way to conceal their identity. Most of those shenanigans were pranks trying to scare people with All Saint’s Wake-esque props. They were also a time they were absolutely not above purposely trying to confuse people on which brother was which whenever it was convenient or just funny.

Did they grow up rich or poor? Poor, but I think he still thought himself as lucky. He might not have had a big room to himself or a lot of possessions, but he got to travel the world and meet so many interesting people and see so many interesting things in his father’s caravan.

Did they grow up nurtured or neglected? Nurtured for sure. His family were joined at the hip.

What is the most offensive thing they ever said? I’m sure Alus used to have a potty mouth when he was a kid and young teen. He picked it up from being exposed to so many different individuals growing up. If he’s been around a lot of sailors in Lima Lominsa, I think it’s a safe bet that he probably swore like one too. After his father died that changed almost immediately though in order to honor his dad’s memory.

What is their greatest achievement? I’m sure there’s much more impressive individual achievements he has accomplished - monsters he’s fought, hostage situations he’s negotiated, villains he’s managed to persuade to become heroes, but if you asked him, he’d tell you that simply being lucky enough to be chosen to become one of the Warriors of Light or opening his cafe are the achievements he’s most proud of.

What was their first kiss like? [spoiler]Still haven’t had it![/spoiler]

What is the worst thing they did to someone they loved? I feel like even though Alus adored his father, he probably did a lot of things to make him worried or stressed out, maybe even ran away once or twice just for the fun of it. It was a lot more innocent time for Alus and I don’t think he’d do anything like that in adulthood.

What are their ambitions? Alus just wants to end all war. Full stop. It’s not that complicated. He doesn’t really know the most effective way how to, though. He just keeps doing whatever he can when people request his help - which usually ends up taking advantage of his physical combat skills.

What advice would they give their younger self? Cherish this time. Hug your father and tell him you love him more often. And maybe focus on being a medic or someone who helps the world peacefully more than someone who uses violence to solve the world’s problems. Maybe care a little more about politics.

What smells remind them of their childhood? Chamomile, road dust, seasalt,  and old fancy dusty antiques. 

What was their childhood ambition? To grow up to be a glamorous warrior that saves the world again and again and to rescue a pretty princess.

What is their best childhood memory? Dancing on the streets of Ul’dah with his brother for a little extra pocket money and becoming unexpectedly popular.

What is their worst childhood memory? Losing his father to the calamity and being passed between temporary foster homes again and again, then finally losing his brother in that mess, too.

Did they have an imaginary childhood friend? Alus left out honeyed milk for faeries all the time as a child. Post-calamity, he started to quietly make-believe that faeries and little unicorns visited him when he was particularly lonely or bored, or just wanted to escape his own mind for awhile.

When was the last time they were crushed with disappointment? [FFXIV POST-STORMBLOOD SPOILER]Hearing about Zenos’ body being revived against Zenos’ wishes for a perfect death.[/SPOILER]

What past act are they most ashamed of? Any time Alus can’t save someone from death. Sometimes, Alus must be the one to kill them himself. This is an unbearable sin to bear for him.

What past act are they most proud of? Any time he can save someone. Any time he can help the suffering of someone by giving a little coin. Every time he has made someone smile. It is all the most cherishable, wonderful memories to him. None better than the others.

Has anyone ever saved their life? His twin brother Arc probably on at least a weekly basis. I think saving eachothers’ lives is a regular thing on a battlefield, even if your ally is basically a stranger.

Strongest childhood memory? Just sitting underneath the stars, curled up under a blanket with his brother while they rest their head on their father’s lap as he reads them bedtime stories.

Love

Do they believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. Guy will trust anyone at the drop of a hat, why not fall in love, too?

Are they in a relationship? Not officially, no. I think he casually flirts a lot and has gone out on sporadic dates with many people, but he hasn’t become anyone’s “steady”.

How do they behave in a relationship? Alus is extremely inexperienced. I think he’ll end up trying so hard to show off to whoever he’s dating that he’ll become exhausted. He wants to treat his future spouse like royalty.

When did you character last have sex? [SPOILER]Never![/SPOILER]

What sort of sex do they have? Nothing kinky or out there, he’s a shy confused mess to begin with when it comes to sex - he’s probably very reserved and traditional about it. I should note that Alus is canonically asexual, even if he doesn’t fully realize it yet. He doesn’t really understand the appeal of sex but he’d want his significant other to be happy. [NSFW/18+] He’d definitely insist on being a top, though. [/SAFE!]

Has your character ever been in love? As an greyromantic writer, I have no fucking solid idea what romantic love is supposed to be defined as. If you define it as ‘fantasizing about having a certain person in mind as a future spouse’ then, yes, Alus has been in love loads of times.

Have they ever had their heart broken? Many times, but it rarely gets him down for too long - he’ll fall in love with the next person he sees, then the cycle restarts.

Conflict

How do they respond to a threat? A fake, forced smile. Explaining calmly to the enemy that what they’re doing is wrong. Explaining calmly to the enemy to drop it and go drink tea with him instead. If being calm doesn’t work, yelling at them about their hypocritical morality like some sort of shounen superhero making a speech.

Are they most likely to fight with their fists or their tongue? Tongue, for sure. Alus will be so painfully reasonable with his enemies that the only way he’s drawing his sword to fight is someone else draws first.

What is your character’s kryptonite? Like any hero, he’s a sucker for hostages. Also, math completely turns him fucking stupid. [SPOILER]Also... having his morality questioned, especially being accused of being a hypocrite.[/SPOILER]

If your character could only save one thing from their burning house, what would it be? A faerie tale storybook from his childhood his father read to him often when he was alive.

How do they perceive strangers? “A friend he doesn’t know yet.”

What do they love to hate? I don’t really imagine Alus truly ‘hates’ anything or anyone, just greatly dislikes or disapproves of them. And even then I think he doesn’t particularly enjoy disliking them. I don’t think he views negative feelings as something to be prideful over.

What are their phobias? Slugs and other slimy creatures, as well as mild situational claustrophobia.

What is their choice of weapon? His fists, for sure; there’s some sort of philosophy inside his mind that fighting with his bare hands or body without tools or weapons to aid him is the ultimate form of respect towards other human beings’ pain and livelihood - he wants them to know he shall feel pain right back if he strikes someone else, and he’s allowing himself the possibility to be hurt in return.

What living person do they most despise? I think anyone who justifies war or pain as a glorious and wonderful thing instead of a tragedy is someone he dislikes. Especially if said person has no respect for human life or the bodies of the fallen.

Have they ever been bullied or teased? Plenty. Unfortunately mostly his given name is particularly targetted. He’s also been called too soft plenty of times.

Where do they go when they’re angry? Home - his house is well soundproofed and cozy. He may go on an off-trail walk alone in the middle of Thanalan or the like.

Who are their enemies and why? The Garlean army, the Ascians.. do you really need to ask why? They wish to create death and chaos, that’s plenty of a reason enough.

Work, Education and Hobbies

What is their current job? Maelstrom military field medic, café proprietor, free paladin

What do they think about their current job? The café is seemingly always empty, but he doesn’t mind continuing to pour money into it. It’s a safe haven to him and a symbol of his independence from the violent life of military duty. Being a field medic is endlessly horrifying, but he’s glad he can help people. His status of Free Paladin makes him obligated to carry out duties to help Eorzea, which is something he’s proud of - but he is always not all that great at drawing his sword at the sign of trouble.

What are some of their past jobs? The only other “jobs” Alus has had in the past were mostly just side jobs for a little extra pocket money, mostly dancing on the street.

What are their hobbies? Dancing, capoeira martial arts, piano, tea brewing, baking, reading, writing, sketching, watercolor art, goldsmithing, fashion, bird keeping.

Educational background? Went to a school for accounting for a few years. He retained absolutely no information about accounting.

Intelligence level? Literate; can read older more complex texts easily. Good with maps. More of a “physical education” kinda guy.

Do they have any specialist training? Paladin training. Nothing else formal.

Do they have a natural talent for something? Weirdly incredibly good at parkour - stuff like navigating tightropes and climbing up buildings without any hesitation or struggle.

What is their socioeconomic status? At the moment, Alus is pretty well-off. He and his brother own their own business in the Lavender Beds, and Alus can afford high class clothes, hobbies, furniture and the like. He’s also prone to donate to charity near constantly.

Favourites

What is their favourite animal? whatever birds are ROUND

Which animal to they dislike the most? S L U G S

What place would they most like to visit? His cafe, honestly. It’s a safe haven.

What is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen? People.

What is their favourite song? Simply Satie

Music, art, reading preferred? Alus loves playing piano, drawing sketches and reading storybooks. I don’t think he could trade one for the other! (He’s awful at singing though.)

What is their favourite colour? Pale blue, white, yellow-gold, and pastel pink.

What is their password? “Password”. Nobody will ever get it!

Favourite food: La Noscean toast! (AKA French toast!) with lots of berries and whipped cream!

Who is their favourite artist? ??? ((OOC: if Alphonse Mucha was in FFXIV it’d be him idk))

What is their favourite day of the week? E V E R Y D A Y (but probably mostly Sunday)

Possessions

What is in their fridge: Fresh salad, fruits, fresh berries, vegetables, tofu, jackfruit, orange juice, leftover strawberry shortcake, protein shakes, leftover rice, eggs, butter, yogurt, frozen berries... and even fresh flowers?

What is on their bedside table? A dozen lighthearted fairytale and academic books on aether he recycles through reading every night as he goes to bed, a pitcher & glass of water, a vase with a flower in it, reading glasses, 3 inch tall lil stuffed dodo.

What is in their bin? Compost bin for old fruits/vegetables/egg shells/bread and a recycling bin full of paper and packaging garbage.

What is in their bag? A lot of coin, a hairbrush, a box of ice chilled flowers, travel-size beauty products, lots of fireworks and other fun little spectacle toys, a pocket-sized book of poetry, a basic armor polishing set, a miniature sewing kit, bandages, healing potions.

What is their most treasured possession? A very old and damaged book of fairy tales from his childhood.

Spirituality

Who or what is your character’s guardian angel? His adoptive father - at least, that’s what he wants to believe.

Do they believe in the afterlife? Yes! Very much so.

What are their religious views? [SPOILER]Alus has a complicated relationship with religion. For the most part of his life, he’s believed in The Twelve like every other Eorzean, but as he’s grown older he’s found himself more and more impatient and even disgusted of the cruelties that the gods allow to happen, and the ways followers of Nald’thal and Halone use their religion as a means to prey on the weak for the sake of money, classism, and racial disparity. Hearing the words of Garlean soldiers point out that proof that The Twelve exist is seemingly nonexistent has further disrupted Alus’ belief in them. Alus does, however, firmly believe in Hydaelyn.[/SPOILER]

What do they think heaven is? Alus has no true confident belief in what exactly the seven heavens are, but he likes to think heaven is a place where flowers bloom all the time, the weather is always warm and sunny, bugs don’t bother you and war and violence never happen, and relaxing tea parties are hosted all day long, clothes are comfortable and pretty and never soiled by dirt and mud no matter how much you play in the grass.

What do they think hell is? Like many Eorzeans, Alus believes in the seven hells. The seven hells are a place that one must climb out of to eventually make it to heaven, and depending on how bad of a person you were in life, the deeper in hell you start out in after you die, and the more you have to climb before you get upward into heaven. Alus finds great comfort in this ideology because it means that no matter how bad a person was in life, they may still find forgiveness and redemption in death.

Are they superstitious? I think he’s open-minded. He seems to discover so many legends of being real every day that it’s difficult for him not to believe in anything and everything he hears. He tries to be respectful of the unknown and follow their rules, but when push comes to shove it’s all about the grandest happiness for everyone - he will challenge whatever fae or ghostly apparition that wants to mess with him if he thinks what they’re doing is immoral or unfair. 

What would they like to be reincarnated as? A stream. A rosebush. A rainbow. Something that others can look at and feel at peace, something for others to enjoy. A way to give love without living a life that inevitably creates suffering through heroism. To just exist as part of the beauty in the world.

How would they like to die? He doesn’t know. Death scares him. He does not want to die in battle. He does not want to die sleeping in a bed. But he wishes he’ll be old. He wishes he’ll have lots of friends. And he wishes he did everything he could while he was alive to make the world a better place as much as he possibly could.

What animal is most like your character, spiritually speaking? .... A golden retriever. Eager to please, extremely loving and loyal, a strong body, picky about weird things, and incredibly goofy.

Values

What do they think is the worst thing that can be done to a person? Betrayal?? torture?? bullying?? rape?? what do you want from me. He hates all forms of toxic and violent behavior!!

What is their view of ‘freedom’? The ability to form your own path; the ability to be whatever you want, even if the dream seems impossible to everyone else. The ability to go anywhere you want, walk and run anywhere you want, travel anywhere you want. The ability to say no when you want. The ability to be respected as independent.

How often do they lie? NEVER!!!!!!! He might bend the truth a little bit or side-step an answer but even white lies he’s not into. He rarely needs to white lie about anything anyway; he tends to see the best in everything.

What’s their view of lying? BAD AND UNNESSESARY

How often do they make promises? Constantly.

How often do they keep or break their promises? He 100% keeps his promises unless he’s literally physically incapacitated and in which case he will apologize and try to make it up to you so much

Daily life

What are their eating habits? Vegetarian. He eats really healthy and he eats a lot. Big fan of asian food I think. Has no problems eating stuff that’s bland as hell; I feel like it’s part of his determination to better himself. Has a terrible weakness for sweets, though. Secretly hates stuff that’s slimy, like mushrooms, but he will never complain if it’s given to him.

Do they have any allergies? Nope, he’s lucky. If he does, he hasn’t discovered it yet.

Describe their home. Very white, tons of gold nouveau trim on everything, and tons of flowers everywhere. Looks like the home of royalty. [Here’s his housing aesthetic.]

Are they minimalist or a clutter hoarder? Neither, I think. Maybe leaning closer to minimalist over clutter-lover; he likes everything being clean and easy to access in his house. His design aesthetic of nouveau isn’t necessarily minimalist in inherent style though imo.

What do they do first thing on a weekday morning? Wakes up extra early, takes a quick cool shower to wake himself up, eats a quick and simple breakfast full of protein; most likely something with a lot of nuts and eggs as it’s ingredients + big salad. packs a simple lunchbox and starts his day: Every morning, he walks to the statues of Nald and Thal, viewing the warm pink sunrise in the process. he pays his respects to each; cleans and dusts with a simple cleaning kit he’s left there prior. Leaves some simple offerings. Finds somewhere nice and empty in Thanalan to do some excercises and martial arts training for the day. sits down and eats lunch afterwards. lazily walks home, takes another quick shower to get the sweat and dust off. while his hair is drying, he puts on makeup and decides a proper outfit to wear for the day. meets up with arc, goes on their obliged military-issued mission for the day.

What do they do on a Sunday afternoon? Makes an effort to drag Arc over to his place for a big fancy dinner. Tea and crumpets as an early evening appetizer. Alus cooks everything while Arc hangs out and talks, lending a bit of help when Alus demands asks for him. Arc sneaks in alcohol. Alus yells at him. repeat next week.

What do they do on a Friday night? this but like, outside, alone, in the middle of thanalan somewhere

What is the soft drink of choice? If soft drinks existed in Eorzea I can’t help but feel like Alus is one of those freaks who don’t like any of them.

What is their alcoholic drink of choice? NO

Miscellaneous

What is their character archetype? This question originally linked to some basic archetypes, but I already have TVtropes collected and they’re far more interesting as an answer imo SO: [All-Loving Hero], [Reluctant Warrior], [Cloudcuckoolander], [Warrior Poet], [Stepford Smiler], [Motor Mouth], [Large Ham], [Stupid Good], [In Touch With His Feminine Side], [The Fashionista], [Light Is Good], [Flower Motifs], [Declaration of Protection].

Who is their hero? I don’t think Alus has a specific person in mind that isn’t fictional - fact is, nobody is as perfect as the type of person he strives to be. I think he finds traits of admirable heroism everywhere in people, though. Everything from his friends who fight for the good of the world no matter what, from the villain who unexpectedly saves someone while nobody else is watching, to the single mother who works hard to raise her children, to the homeless people who just continue to fight on to live even when everything feels so hopeless around them. I think he sees traits in others he wishes he had all the time. He wants to embody all the good traits of everyone. And I should mention, if one is to have a ‘hero’, it is expected that person to be better than one, yes? I don’t think Alus believes he’s particularly better than anyone else, especially in their positive traits.

What or who would your character dress up as for Halloween? Alus goes HARD on All Saint’s Wake. He and Arc’s signature best costume always ends up being these hyper-realistic ghost costumes that they trick out with special glamours, magic, and tech to surprise the passerby. If it doesn’t genuinely scare someone, it isn’t enough!

Are they comfortable with technology? I think he’s absolutely got the boomer brain when it comes to allagan technology. He can get by fixing old mechanical clocks and the like but when it comes to allagan stuff, he’s just absolutely out of his element. He’ll certainly listen if someone wants to try explaining it to him, but it’ll take considerable time before he fully “gets it” and usually when he does, it’s more on blind faith and an ability to follow basic directions more than true understanding. I think in general it just doesn’t really interest him and if he’s going to spend the time and energy to learn about it, he’d rather use that energy on his other interests - books, physical training, baking and the like. (Modern AU: He’s absolutely the guy still using an ancient flip phone because “It still works!” Also, he capitalizes and uses perfect grammar in all his extremely-hard-to-type number code texts.)

If they could save one person, who would it be? It’s a difficult question, because of course - the first person to come to mind is Arc. But the thing is, Arc can take care of himself. And Alus knows this. Alus trusts this. So when it comes down to choosing between Arc and someone less capable.. Alus will most likely help the less capable person. If Arc is hurt, Alus knows he’ll forgive him. But if Arc were to die? And it be Alus’ fault? It would utterly crush him.

If they could call one person for help, who would it be? Arc, of course. There’s nobody Alus would rather have by his side while dealing with problems.

What is their favourite proverb? “Since it is likely that children will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and courage.” – C.S. Lewis (Personally my fav proverb in thinkin about Alus is “Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.” – Hermann Hesse)

What is their greatest extravagance? This is kind of a depressing and even controversial answer, but it’s honestly any time he has ducked out from military duty with or without permission when all of it has just gotten to him too much. He knows that him not being there will be more of a problem than a solution - he knows that - but any moment he can just pretend, for a moment, that he’s just a normal man running a normal little girlish cafe during a time without war.. That’s his greatest extravagance.  

What is their greatest regret? The amount of enemies he has been forced to down when talk wasn’t enough is piling higher and higher every moon cycle. It’s an absolute horror. He tries so hard to be nonlethal as possible. He’s studied so much how to avoid vital organs, how to down someone without hurting them badly, but no matter what there is always the chance of there being a prior injury he didn’t know about, or a undiagnosed medical problem that was just activated by the smallest knock.. That isn’t even to mention the people who have been hurt because the people he talked down didn’t keep their word or stood back up when he thought they’d stay asleep. No matter what, he just isn’t enough to save everyone. Why is it that no matter how hard he works to have this ideal of pacifism, it never works completely? Why is it never enough?

What is their perception of redemption? That the unwavering truth of this world is that people are fundamentally capable of change. He refuses to believe otherwise, no matter what. Perhaps it is an active choice instead of an instinctual one, nobody is certain for Alus’ mindful case. He believes the expectation for lifelong punishment for a past crime is petty and cruel, and in itself deters people from switching sides for the better. He believes anyone and everyone deserves the right to have the choice to right their wrongs at any time. Don’t misunderstand though - He understands sometimes people are far too gone for simply dropping everything they’ve done and that’s enough to erase their mistakes - he knows that some people can only find rightful redemption in the afterlife after execution, even if execution is not an ideal solution to stopping them in his eyes. But he prays for them. He’ll never give up on anyone.

What would they do if they won the lottery? Back into investments or savings to get an even bigger profit later. Alus knows how to play the smart long game. But uh... If the fates play a trick and he sees a beautiful fashion piece in a shop window, maybe that won’t last too long. He’s also notoriously overly generous with money to the needy, he spends money on service tips like pouring water out of a glass. Money is always moving, and if he starts to run low, he just works a little harder to get back to the comfort zone. He’s in a pretty good place in his life monetarily wise atm already.

What is their favourite fairytale? It’s difficult to answer this because I don’t know what sorts of stories exist in Eorzean canon! But I can say that the real-world 1986 manga “The Sword of Paros” is a huge inspiration to Alus’ character. It’s about a person born with the title of ‘Princess’ who believes to have been born the wrong gender, and does everything in their power to prove themselves worthy of the title of ‘Prince’ despite immeasurable odds against them from their family and their country. The hero also falls in love with a commoner woman who wishes nothing more to be loved by the idyllic image of a charming knight in shining armor that comes and rescues her, and their love is ultimately tragic as it’s also not recognized as valid.. but the prince never stops fighting for his title and the right of his love, and the ability for them both to be happy. Though the story ends without the ideal conclusion, the very concept of these characters fighting against all odds for something genuinely better for the whole world is something Alus is really all about. (Also, seriously, read this manga. It’s groundbreaking. It’s Utena done right.)

What fairytale do they hate? Any faerietales that have unhappy endings, or seem to focus strongly on tragedy or pessimistic ideas of realism in the world. That tends to fall into the category of ‘cautionary tales’ most the time. He’s also really not a fan of stories with body horror or gore.

Do they believe in happy endings? I think he believes that happy endings should always be the goal, but I don’t think he truly accepts that they actually exist. He understands that happiness and safety is always temporary, and this is why he should always strive to make the world a better place. If he helps someone get to a point that they’re happy, healthy, and safe - he’ll just move on to the next person who needs his help. A happy ending for himself though? I think he’s not confident in it, but he wants to live every day to the fullest as he can before he dies. He accepts this as part of his duty - he knows he’s living on ultimately borrowed time.

What is their idea of perfect happiness? Being in love, being surrounded by people you love, having the support of others you trust and having the ability to spoil the people you care about. Having a home you’ll never be kicked out of.. And no war that you have to leave to. No people you have to harm. Just the peace to drink tea with your former enemies as you gaze out onto flowers on a warm day... That’s all he ever wants.

What would they ask a fortune teller? I think he’s concerned if he’ll ever someone to truly share his life with besides his brother. He just really wants a good friend.. Ideally, someone attractive he can hold the hand of!

If your character could travel through time, where would they go? Before the Calamity. He’d just want to listen to his father tell him a few more stories again. He misses the peacefulness of his childhood, the certainty that someone out there stronger than him loved him and wanted to keep him safe, the ability to ignore his own call to war... He wouldn’t so selfish to want to try and bend fate enough to save his father, though he would if he had the chance.. But he knows it’s impossible.

What sport do they excel at? (Modern AU) He was definitely a cheerleader in highschool and/or college, I feel like. Probably into dancing! And ofc a dedicated martial artist. I feel like he’d be pretty good at football and wrestling too - games that require a bulky build to be great at - but he just doesn’t have a particular interest in either of those.

What sport do they suck at? (Modern AU) Probably stuff like archery and tennis -  not only would he’d thrive better in big team sports, he’s just not much for long-range dexterity. He’d also be absolutely incompetent as an esports competitor lmfao.

If they could have a superpower, what would they choose? Anything that was especially effective at saving peoples’ lives. Time travel to stop mistakes before they happen or say the right thing before a war breaks out, super effective healing powers... anything. Just to stop suffering and death.

[aka-indulgence]

Okay, so you've heard of the blind reader- but what about a mute or deaf reader for your sanses to woo? Or maybe a reader who has some not-so safe mental-space/jazz happening? Like attention hyperactivity disruptive disorder, autism, other not so visible things that leave to a person not liking to interact with people because they naturally feeling the idea everyone will judge them for doing one thing they veiw might be wrong or realize such causing them to be nervious and shy/closed off.

Mm. Mmmmmm-(Also this answer got pretty long because of the amount of asks in one- but here you go!)

Mute ReaderAMitS Sans… He adores her all the same- possibly wanting to coo over her all the more- she can’t speak, and not everyone can speak with her, and sometimes she needs to write notes. She… Doesn’t like to ‘talk’ with people because of how much she doesn’t want to bother people… All the more reason for Sans to bring her home and take care of her himself. ya don’t need anyone anyways right? they ain’t good for you, let me take care of you… Mute doesn’t mean she can’t make noises- and every time she makes a tiny noise Sans is going to fawn over her.TDtLU Sans (Black) loves her company when she came that night. He sensed her approaching the pier, looking back… Seeing the pretty little human. Reader would feel like she just intruded on him, give him a small smile… A silent apology. Point to her mouth, form an X with her arms… The person she’s talking to doesn’t react much to her when she points to the space beside him- just nodding his head. Black would look at her a lot more- since in the fic he was only hearing her and now, there’s no noise from her, so he’ll just… Look at her. Take in every feature of her face… When he takes her into his cave, he’ll do the exact same thing- telling her he understands she can’t exactly talk directly with him… She doesn’t need to worry about that anymore, though. When he brings her underwater and she wakes up, panicking on how to tell him no- He’ll sign to her. A year is enough for a way to talk with his precious…

Deaf ReaderAMitS: She didn’t hear the death sound the man made that night, but she still went to investigate anyways… Seeing the deed. Feeling the aura emitted by the monster standing just a few feet away from her… Running away, feeling the squeak come up her legs- knowing that the killer would probably hear- but she ran anyways. Sans quickly found out that she couldn’t hear after a close encounter… Where you didn’t notice him when he followed you around and made some slips here and there. When she meets him in the subway… She’ll notice the scent and his image quicker, and feel his rumbling laughs when he holds onto her. Reader would make the most noises when he brings her to his basement, and Sans doesn’t exactly help her understand what’s going on when he does- he’d be more direct in what he actually wants to do with her rather than messing with her like he did in the fic, touching her more and giving off body language that says exactly what he wants. After the events of chap 3… He’ll go to Wing and Dings. They know how to speak in hands- he wants to talk with his girl.TDtLU: The way she’d meet him would be the same as her meeting if she was mute… She saw him on the pier, approached him cautiously, telling him through a sort of charades that she can’t hear, maybe even try to say a few sentences after practicing for awhile… She’ll try to talk to him like in the fic, asking if he’s having a bad day, if he’d mind her sitting there with him. Internally, she’s worried if the words she’s saying are right, but Sans… He loves her voice, sad that she can’t hear herself. When he takes her, he won’t say a thing, just coming closer to her with wide eyes, and without explanation- just take her into the water. Like the Mute ask, he’ll reveal he’s learnt how to sign.

Not-So-Safe-Mental-Jazz Reader(A little disclaimer- I don’t 100% understand the internal workings of those you asked above, so please take this with a grain of salt ;v; and because of that- I won’t specify what disability reader has in these)In AMitS, reader witnesses the murder… She runs away from the problem the way she knows how. Now when Sans follows her, unseen, of course, he’ll pick up on the little things she does that tells him her mind works differently than most. Maybe a tic, or a certain leaning to doing something- and his heart melts. She’s going on her own and she’s going on like a champ… Taking care of herself and working. … But… He doesn’t like that not everyone can get her, he’s seen occasions where she’ll be in a mentally unsafe environment and he hates seeing her vulnerable like that. He’d approach her gently, tapping on her shoulder, trying to calm her down when she sees him (which isn’t easy, you committed MURDER, Sans…) but he’ll hold her with gentleness, while slowly, unknowingly, bringing her to his hideout. He just wants her to be safe- this city and it’s inhabitants- like him- aren’t so soft.In TDtLU, she’ll come to him on the pier, without hesitation. He’ll be surprised when she just comes up to him, ask him if she can sit without seemingly noticing his sulking. He looks up to her- and she doesn’t react much to him, just waiting for an answer. She’s not… Running and screaming or anything… So he just lets her. No harm in that. She’ll start talking to him and… Something about it… He transfixes on what she’s saying and pays attention to her, watching her out of the corner of the fabric he’s hiding under, seeing the way she watches the sea so eagerly. She really likes it. She’ll get closer to him, ask him about it too, and he won’t talk, just nod and shake his head, making gestures that doesn’t include putting his bone-white hands out in the open. Something about this… Unafraid closeness, lax conversation, just watching the sea with a very happy lady… He hasn’t felt relaxed since a long time. Over the course of the year he watches her, he picks up on her mannerisms, catching her personality and her patterns, and… He’ll come to the sand, seeing if she’s afraid of a sea monster, and when she’s not… Like AMitS Sans, he’ll slowly but surely try to bring her to the water… She loves it so much, doesn’t she..? If she wants, she can live in it, with him… Again, like AMitS Sans, he’s going to be much softer and actually won’t be pushy if she doesn’t oblige the first time…

[m-602]

Cold

((This was a fanfic I created for @shaykai‘s “A Gear in Time”, detailing the events of a possible ‘bad ending’ that still ends up with a bright future.))

((This took me a while to make. And it’s soooo long. I’m submitting a link just to make things easier. From coming up with what to write, to all the breaks I took, to actually writing it...))

((But I enjoyed writing it. I don’t see too many people question what would happen in this situation! I thought it’d be interesting.))

((Also, if you’d like to request a story (or, heck, even an rp or something) feel free to ask me. I don’t mind! I need more stuff to do.))

((Warning! Mentions of violence. Also kind of angsty until the end.))

((Enjoy!))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ???, Hat Kid?

The world was spinning. She woke up completely dazed. Her senses were all over the place, making it almost impossible for her to recognize her surroundings.

After a while, the swirling feeling in her head dulls a bit as her eyes finally adjust to the dark room. In it she could make out plain, sterile walls. Tools littered the floor and in the corner she could see… a recharge bed?

Wait a second… Was she in The Facility?!

How’d she get here?! Did Moonbot capture her?! She attempts to probe her mind for any answers, only being met with foggy recollections. Was she forgetting something important? She desperately tries to clear the annoying fog.

Eventually, she manages to recall her memories clearer once her mind finally calmed itself. 

She remembers finding a camera in her bush, which was creepy in and of itself. She managed to destroy it there and then and went to return to her house. As she was walking, a flash of light caught her eye. It seemed to be coming from… the junkyard? Was one of the other bots trying to get her attention? Like the child she is, she found herself drawn to the light, trying to find the source. She got to the junkyard… only for a mulit-armed bot to grab her. She tried struggling, knowing full well who it was before she felt a small pain in her neck. In a few seconds, she had completely passed out…

That was the end of the memory. That answered how she got here, but what exactly happened while she was passed out? She found it difficult to move, so investigating was out of the question…

At that thought, her concern shifted to the fact that she felt oddly… numb… Wait a second…

* Why am I numb at all!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Junkyard, Snatcher

“Have you seen the kiddo!? Anywhere at all!?”

Snatcher was freaking out. He just learned from Hat Kid’s family that they can’t find her anywhere. Snatcher is already sure where she could possibly be, but he didn’t want to believe it. Didn’t want to believe that psychopathic bucket of bolts got her again. Didn’t want to believe that she was in mortal peril.

It was unnatural for him to act like this - he was aware of that and, quite frankly, didn’t care. His kiddo was gone, and he was ready to tear off a certain someone’s limbs for taking her away.

Everyone of the other robots gave him the same answer. They said they had no idea. They said that they would search for her. But deep down, they all knew what really happened. They were just in their own versions of disbelief.

Snatcher wasn’t about to stand by and let that piece of metallic trash do whatever he wanted to his kid! He was ready to charge into The Facility and take her back by force…

As splendidly as that’s gone in the past. In all honesty, he’s kind of terrified. Trashbot knew that place better than he did. Not only that, he’s outfitted himself with weaponry that Snatcher has come very close to meeting personally. If he wanted to do this, he’d have to play it smart and with the utmost caution.

Easier said than done. Snatcher was massive and his little wheel wasn’t the quietest thing in the world. He really needed to get that fixed… He racked his computer-brain for any solutions.

Going over the facts in his head, a direct confrontation with Trashbot would be suicidal within that place. The hallways are cramped and Trashbot knows the place like the back of his rusted hand. He’d have to… somehow be stealthy about rescuing Hat Kid. Somehow not draw attention to himself. Somehow find the kiddo without getting caught once! How was he going t-

“Snatcher?”

The voice jolted him from his mini-panic attack. His eyes connected with the speaker’s, revealing it to be... Thor? Tim accompanied him, too.

“What do you want?” 

It was obvious that he was rather upset about the whole situation. It was even more obvious that he was struggling to find a solution, judging by the looks he was getting. Tim was the one who answered him.

“Well… We’re just as worried about Hattie as you are. How could we not be!? She’s family to us, after all… So we figured that we would lend a hand in her rescue but coming up with a tight-nit plan.”

Snatcher gave them both a perplexed look. They wanted to help? But The Facility is dangerous! Trashbot is dangerous! Snatcher doesn’t want them getting hurt! ...Not because he cares about him. He’s just fairly certain that the kid would be furious if anything happened to them on his watch.

“Look, I know you want to help the little brat. But that place isn’t exactly human friendly. I’m pretty sure you’d just get in my way. So… I will kindly ask you to stay out of it.”

He did his best to sound threatening, trying to keep a tough persona. It wasn’t working.

“And you think you can save her on your own? We know how dangerous Moonbot is,” Snatcher visibly cringed at the name, “and want to help out. You know that place more than we do… There has to be something we could do to at least keep Moonbot occupied while you rescue Hattie.”

Snatcher was going to protest… but he had no words to counter with. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was right. He had no hope of rescuing the kid on his own. He’s already regrettably aware of how risky it is to take Trashbot on in a fight. To have any hope of winning, they’d have to be in a less confined area. Plus, Snatcher would have no hope of sneaking through The Facility due to his size and… noise level. With a metallic sigh, he relented, still obviously hesitant to do so.

“Fine… What do you have in mind?”

A stray thought manifested in Snatcher’s robotic mind.

* Hang on, kiddo. We’re coming for you, I promise…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Kid?

Hattie was panicking again. She really couldn’t feel anything. She couldn’t feel the metal floor, the temperature of the probably stifling air, nothing. It was as if every nerve in her body was taken out of her!

Wait a second… if that was the case then…

Moonbot always talked about how terrible humans were. Always said that she would be better off as a robot…

Robot…

* NO WAY!!!

He actually did it?! That was the only way to explain why she couldn’t feel anything! Moonbot actually managed to convert her!

What was going to happen now?! Would she be stuck here forever?! Would Moonbot make it so she could never move to keep her here?!

What would happen if her family found out?! If Snatcher found out?!

…

* They were coming to save me… right?

She let that thought comfort her as she sat there, still unsure how she can get her numbed, certainly metal body to move. She knows at least Snatcher will come for her. He always did anytime she was kidnapped and couldn’t get out. She could worry about being roboticized later…

Or now, considering the fact that she still can’t move. Being numbed probably has something to do with that. She tried desperately to at least get her right arm to move in some way. It shuddered a bit, but still remained motionless… After about a whole, agonizing minute (which felt like a whole, agonizing hour to her) she finally managed to move the arm slightly.

Okay, she could still move. The numbing feeling she has is making that abnormally difficult though. She figured she could probably try to-

The familiar squeak of a robot wheel broke her out of her thoughts. No way! Was Snatcher here already?! Ecstatic at the thought of being saved, and completely forgetting her current predicament, Hat Bot attempted to gain the attention of the robot outside.

“Snatcher?! Is that you?!”

She internally cringed at how metallic and… wrong her voice sounded. It was still obviously her’s, but it sounded (unsurprisingly) off.

The robot outside the room seemed to hear her though - she could hear the squeaking grow closer and closer…

Until the last person… or robot she wanted to see was right in front of her. Moonbot chuckled darkly…

“Now S-Starlight, w-w-why would he be h-here? I-It’s just you a-and me afterall-all.”

The way his voice sounded so cheery and glitchy made him all the more terrifying. It took all of Hat Bot’s willpower to keep from screaming. He continued.

“Oh, I’m so h-happy you’re aw-awake my little Starlight-ight. And you-you look so beautiful, no-now! A-A fine improvement from that-at f-f-f-flesh bag of a body before, hm?”

She didn’t respond, utterly shaking with fear. He seemed to think for a moment.

“Oh, ri-right! I almost forgot! I disabled you’re se-sensory re-receptors. The process was rather p-painful, so I-I didn’t want you to feel any d-discomfort! You should b-be fine now, so I’ll just f-f-fix that for you…”

He opened a panel in Hat Bot’s chest (and promptly freaking her out even further at the reveal of a control panel in her chest) and seemed to tinker with it for a bit. After a while, mild, yet sharp, pain seemed to shoot through her body, causing her to shrink a little. He closed to panel, creepily petting her head. She cringed at how cold it was.

“Some d-discomfort is expe-pected, my dear Star-Starlight. Trust me, it would’ve been w-worse before. It should fade in a few minutes.”

Hat Bot just shook there, feeling the discomforting pain throughout her body. Only one thought was on her mind…

* Please… Someone help me… Anyone… Snatcher… Where are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

He turned away from the robot girl to leave. Looking back, he noticed the frown on her face. It got him thinking.

* Well that won’t do! She should be thrilled, right? I was expecting to see a genuine smile on her face, as tempting as it was to plaster a permanent one on there… Perhaps I’ll change that if nothing changes. Seeing her frown like that won’t do at all!

He smiled at the thought. He spoke up again in cheery voice.

“I need to ch-check some things, my little Star-arlight. En-enjoy your new, eternal l-life!”

He fully left the room. He had to make sure a certain… greedy trashbot didn’t get to his Starlight. She is his… and it’ll stay that way until the end of time itself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Outside The Facility, Snatcher

They had been planning out what to do for a while. Tim and Thor had their tool-kits at the ready, along with stun guns just in case. They also have a box of spare robot parts. Snatcher… felt really uncomfortable about the stun guns and robot parts. However, he also understands just how important it was that they have those things. Still doesn’t help his discomfort, but he’ll live.

All they needed now was an entrance. They had to get in without raising suspicion. As such, they would have to disable the surveillance system that Trashbot would more than certainly have. The Facility being underground didn’t necessarily help matters, either. They would have to find something above ground that connected throughout the whole place… Or, at the very least, find some kind of power source.

They didn’t want to scare Hat Kid by darkening the whole place, but if it meant freeing her, they’d have little choice.

The trio investigate the entire area, searching for something that could be useful. They doubted that Trashbot would be so careless, but you never-

“Found something!”

Thor’s voice immediately alerted the others. Well… that was unexpected. Snatcher was sure Trashbot would be smarter than to allow something so easily accessible be above ground, let alone unguarded.

What Thor actually found was some kind of worn out fuse box. It was clearly modified - a lot of its parts didn’t necessarily match the fuse box itself, despite them being compatible. There were no labels on the fuse box, so there’d be no way to tell what each fuse did. Tim seemed to contemplate the sight.

“Hm… we’ll have to cut the main fuse. If we tamper too much with the fuse box, we could very well draw too much suspicion our way.”

“Whatever! Just do something! The longer the kiddo stays down there the more danger she’s in!”

Yikes, Snatcher looks and sounds stressed out… as stressed out as a robot can be. It’s obvious his worry for Hat Kid is only going to increase the longer they take, so Tim and Thor decided to get to work…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Bot

The discomfort was finally starting to fade. She’s still trying to process the situation she’s in.

Being captured, being roboticized, being alone with Moonbot of all things. She was finally starting to calm down, but she was still terrified.

And very upset about being a robot.

It feels so… weird. And wrong. She honestly doesn’t know what to think. And the notion of an “eternal life” just doesn’t sit well for her, either.

Suddenly, the few lights that were on in The Facility went out. Hat Bot was even more confused. Her new robot eyes automatically giving her night vision didn’t help either. But she’ll focus on that later. Right now, she wanted to know what happened. Did the power go out?

…

* Could that be the others?! Is Snatcher actually here to save me?!

He must’ve cut the power! Suddenly, the idea of her being saved wasn’t as empty of a thought. She managed to stand herself up, still feeling woozy. She hates how she’ll need to get used to hearing metallic sounding footsteps. But the idea of being out of this place kept her focused on getting to Snatcher.

She walked towards the door, officially creeped out with how naturally she’s adapting to her… changes. Suddenly, she heard a familiar, and unwelcome, voice complaining in the distance. Moonbot was on his way! Likely to grab her and keep her close.

Throwing all caution to the wind, she got the peck out of there as quickly as she could, thrown off by how fast she was running. At least that’s one good thing that’s come of all this - the body was stronger, as painful as it was to admit it. On the bright side, it made getting away just the slightest bit easier.

After a while of running, she finally stopped. Being in this place for so long so many times has almost etched its passages into her brain. Moonbot still has the upper hand, but she (almost) knew this place as well as he did.

As much as she hated that, she can’t lie and say it wasn’t useful knowledge.

Now she just had to find Snatcher and get out of here... 

* Oh man… He’s going to lose it when he sees me like this…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

Moonbot was expecting some kind of rescue attempt. The power going out, however, was something he didn’t expect.

He really should’ve expected it - cutting the power to the facility would complicate things for him, making it easier for that thing to take his precious Starlight. For him to actually do it, however, was still a surprise for whatever reason.

It didn’t help that his precious Starlight was missing. She could get lost!

It didn’t matter, though. He’ll just take it as a sign that Snatcher is here…

He readies his buzzsaw, fully prepared to rip the intruder apart.

“She is m-m-mine. S-She was ne-ne-never yours. This wi-will be the last tim-time we do this.”

With a large, maniacal grin, he searches The Facility for the intruder. As he did so, however… he couldn’t help but think he was forgetting something important.

He just assumes that it was nothing, and focuses on keeping the intruder out of his and Starlight’s home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Thor

They all made it in. Fortunately, no one is around to see them… yet. Just as planned, the power has been cut, filling the facility with darkness. The two humans activated their night vision headsets, turning to Snatcher. Tim spoke up.

“Good luck. Bring her back safely.”

The noodlebot nodded as he went off, in search of the unfortunate little girl.

Now just the two of them, Tim and Thor went off in search of the cell Snatcher told them of. The Facility was confusing as peck to navigate, even with the directions Snatcher gave them. Add on the fact that they had to be wary of Moonbot and… needless to say they were pretty scared.

But they pushed forward. They had to save Hat Kid. She’s suffered so much because of that… thing. They weren’t going to leave her here!

After about ten minutes of endless searching, they come across… a rather dilapidated part of The Facility. This place was by no means the best example of “orderly”, but most of it had signs of care. Where they were now looked like a tornado blew through it.

Knowing Moonbot, there would have to be something he did not like here for him to let this area go.

And when they explored further, they found exactly what that thing was. A worn out figure, likely a robot, was chained to the wall of the area’s only cell. It was impossible to make out any distinctive details - only its shape and crimson eyes could be made out. The damage done to it, however, could not be more obvious.

The figure looked up at the two humans, hissing at them like an animal as they opened the cell.

“...Who are-”

Thor interrupted it.

“We’re here to help you… On one condition…”

The figure looked at him with an unsettling gaze. She looked desperate… and very angry.

“What… do you want?”

“All that we ask… is that you distract Moonbot so we can get our little girl out of here…”

The figure didn’t seem to believe him, judging by the unfriendly gaze she was giving them. She also visibly tensed at the mention of Moonbot.

“How can I be sure-”

She was interrupted by Tim holding a robot part to her, a power tool in his other hand.

“We’ll repair you and set you free. All that we ask is that you distract Moonbot and leave us and Snatcher be. We know you don’t have the… best relationship with him,” an understatement, “but, please. You’ll never have to be bothered by either of them again.”

The figure still seemed very reluctant. It was clear she wasn’t a fan of the deal. She sighed, speaking up again.

“My desire to leave this place and get back at Moon outweighs my hate for Snatcher… Fine… I accept.”

The two humans got down to freeing the possibly psychotic robot. They were fortunate she accepted their deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Snatcher

Snatcher raced through The Facility. Normally, he’d be anxiously calling out for Hat Kid. But after all the tricks, and the fact that he was supposed to be kind of stealthy, he managed to keep himself from being a loud and obnoxious machine.

Best to have as little attention as possible this time around. He couldn’t help the kiddo if he was dead.

He was thankful for the night vision feature Tim and Thor added a while ago - The Facility without power was even darker than it originally was, a feat that was actually quite impressive. What he was more thankful for was the fact that he got that squeaky wheel fixed! Tim and Thor managed to fix it while they were planning the rescue, with Snatcher commenting on how long it took them to do that.

...

He must’ve searched for half an hour and still came up with nothing. He found it a little comical that he managed to search for this long without bumping into Trashbot.

Not that he was complaining. He was just counting his blessings at this point.

What he did end up bumping into was bright red, and familiar, light heading down the hall.

* Oh peck. Did I speak too soon?!

He got out of there quickly, peering around the corner to see who it was.

As it turns out, it wasn’t Trashbot. It was Vanessa!

* Whoa. Those two work fast!

If she was out in about, that means she accepted the deal she was given… Or promptly killed the two men. But judging by the fact that there’s no blood on her claws, he assumed it was the former.

“MOON!!!!!”

And hoo boy was she angry. Can’t blame her after what Trashbot did. No way was he going to stick around, though.

He silently wheeled off, still looking for the kid. He started to lose hope with how long it was taking.

Doubts started to flood his mind. He hoped with all his being that Hat Kid was okay.

As he kept searching, a strange sound stopped him in his tracks. It kind of sounded like… metallic footsteps?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Hat Bot

She must’ve been wandering around for over half an hour! She wouldn’t doubt if she’d wandered every part of The Facility!

She even passed by a weird cyborg… thing strapped to the wall. He… didn’t look alive at all. Poor guy… 

She recognized it as the weird man that kidnapped her for Moonbot that one time. Guess he outlived his usefulness…

...

Moonbot was at the opposite end of the building, still searching for both her and Snatcher. She had prioritized getting as far away from him as possible… but may have taken it a bit too far. She almost didn’t recognize this area.

She thinks this is around the cells, where Moonbot keeps that weird ‘Vanessa’ robot. What does he do with her anyway?

She suddenly stopped, seeing strange light down the hallway. She immediately tensed up, getting ready to run… until she noticed it was yellow light.

* Yellow light? But the only robot I know with yellow eyes is…

She perked up instantly as Snatcher rounded the corner at high speed.

“WHA?!”

He skidded to stop, right in front of Hat Bot. They just… stared at each other, not too sure what to do. After about half a minute of staring, Snatcher’s face shifted to a look of fear… Does he…?

“Kid… Kiddo? Is that you?”

Hat Bot stepped forward cautiously, nodding her head. Immediately, she started sobbing, synthetic tears welling up behind her artificial eyes. Unable to hold it in anymore, she threw herself onto Snatcher, sobbing away from all of the fear and panic.

“I’m s-so happy to s-see you… Moon, he… he…”

Hat Bot just kept sobbing, not needing to say more. She was just so happy to be back with Snatcher. She feels his claws wrap around her as he picks her up, holding her close.

Judging by how the eye lights illuminating the area turned red, she could tell that Snatcher was angry. But this red light… she felt comfort from it instead of fear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Snatcher

Angry was an understatement. Snatcher was furious.

First, that hunk of junk starts kidnapping her when its obvious she doesn’t want to be around. Then, he starts physically harming her and effectively torturing her in his vain attempts to keep her forever. Then, he actually manages to roboticize her, stripping her of her humanity?!

He was prepared to tear that Trashbot limb from limb… but Hat Bot’s sobs brought him back to reality. His eyes changed back to yellow as he calms himself down, holding the traumatized little girl tighter. He spoke up again in a calm, soothing voice.

“It’s okay, kid… I’m here now… I’m getting you out. We’ll worry about this later, okay?”

He felt the robot girl nod, her sobbing having quieted a little.

Not missing a beat, he sped off in the direction he came from, fully intent on blowing this joint.

He could’ve sworn he heard sounds of struggling in the distance, alongside a lot of inhuman screaming. Guess Vanessa found Trashbot - judging by the noises, she’s (somehow) putting up quite the fight.

After about five minutes, the fighting sounds died off as he neared the entrance.

“Snatcher, up here!”

“Goodness, is that Hattie?! What’d that thing do to her?!”

The voices of the two humans only spurred him on as he managed to climb himself and Hat Bot to safety. Finally, she’s safe again… But the damage has been done… 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Facility, Moonbot

He barely managed to get away from the suddenly free and repaired psycho robot. Who the peck freed and repaired that thing?! And how did it manage to jump him so easily?!

She took some damage herself, but Moonbot was by no means unscathed. She managed to tear one of his pecking arms off. That was beyond painful.

At this point, so much time has passed, Moonbot doesn’t even need to know that his precious Starlight is gone… again…

At least he managed to fix her! Now he won’t have to worry about her being gone forever.

Yes… With that thought, he smiled…

“Don’t worry, m-my precious Starli-light. We-We’ll be together again on-one day…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hat Kid’s Bot’s House, Hat Bot

It took her quite some time to calm down. She didn’t think this would actually happen to her. She spent a good while just clinging to Tim (and Snatcher clinging to the both of them) while sobbing away. Even CC was there, rubbing her back as she cried.

Mu, Bow, and Timmy all watched on, horrified at what Moonbot had done to her. They couldn’t believe it! Effectively traumatizing her wasn’t enough? He had to take away her humanity, too?!

After crying her eyes out, she finally seemed to calm down. At least, calm down enough to be able to speak clearly.

“Uncle Tim…? What’s going to happen to me…?”

Her worries from when she first woke up have only piled on. She couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her family because of what one horrible robot did to her.

“Hm… Guess we’ll just have to keep you in the house until we can figure something out…”

“I won’t have to live in the Junkyard, will I?”

Tim seemed shocked at the question.

“Goodness no! I’d be devastated if that happened! I promise you, Hattie, we’ll figure this out. While we can’t change you back… I promise that you’ll still be able to live a happy life.”

“Even… like this…?”

Tim nodded.

“Me and Thor already have some ideas. We’ll need to get you a recharge bed, since you have to worry about power now. But we’ll do everything we can for you. No niece of mine is going to suffer because some scrapheap made her a robot…”

He brought Hat Bot’s head up.

“Who knows… Perhaps we can even make living like this even cooler for you, since the damage has already been done. After all, just because a situation is bad doesn’t mean no good can come of it.”

He booped her on the nose, earning a small giggle.

* Just because a situation is bad doesn’t mean no good can come of it.

He’s not wrong. Perhaps… she can find a way to accept what’s happened. So long as she isn’t spending eternity with that deathtrap of a robot, she may actually be fine with this.

Already her still childish mind is starting to run away with cool little thoughts that probably won’t (will) become reality.

She hugs Tim tighter, even bring Snatcher a bit closer (“H-Hey!”).

“Thank you…”

Despite the circumstances, she smiled a genuine smile, happy to be surrounded in the warmth of her loved ones.

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((If you managed to survive, congrats! I hope you liked it!))

((Poor Hat Kid... But hey, looks like things will be looking up for her!))

((Feel free to share this with others! I like seeing people read the stuff I make.))

((If you have any criticisms, please do say them. But if you’re going to criticize it, please be constructive!))

[athenadcvell]

Sambucky AU prompt: Bringing home their adopted child

@lesbians-love-taylor sorry it took so long! I've had it ready for a couple days, but my WiFi kept acting up. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2166

Warnings: None, unless you count fluff

A/N: I loved writing this so much, I'm deadass thinking of making a second chapter. What do y'all think?

REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN! LOOK HERE FOR WHAT YOU CAN SUBMIT!

-

-

-

Sometimes, Bucky wished he had lost his leg instead of his arm. 

He knows it’s foolish to wish he hadn’t lost any body part. He fell from a train. In the mountains. No matter what, when Hydra found him, he would become partly disabled. 

However, there would be some perks with still having an arm. Not having to wear long sleeves and gloves everywhere. Someone wouldn’t flinch every time he grabbed them with the prosthetic. He wouldn’t rub his skin raw in the shower. 

A prosthetic leg, however, would have many perks. For example: he wouldn’t be bouncing his leg up and anxiously, waiting by the home telephone in the apartment he shares with his husband. It’s a terrible habit; a stupid one. He was an assassin for Hydra. Being calm and collected was sewn into his DNA. 

However, today is a special day. Maybe one of the most important days since he married Sam. It’s so important, he’s decided to mute all other numbers other than his husband, and the one he nervously waits for. 

“Dammit, Buck.”

Bucky curses internally. 

“You weren’t supposed to be home until tonight,” Bucky says, looking up and giving Sam a sheepish smile. He returns it with a raised brow. It’s a look Bucky used to receive quite often before they had realized the feelings between them. Back when the two used to ‘hate’ each other. 

Sam rolls his eyes, dropping a duffel bag on the floor. “My meeting with King T’Challa and Secretary Ross ending early,” He explains, crossing his arms. “You promised you wouldn’t sit waiting by the phone all day. Weren’t you going to go and visit Steve in the Senior Home?”

“Steve will be fine,” Bucky waves him off, turning back around in his chair to face the phone. The main priority at the moment. “Besides, this is more important.”

Sam is tempted to roll his eyes again, however, a smile overpowers the action. He walks over to his husband, leaning over the chair and resting his chin atop his head. 

“This is gonna work out, alright?” He mumbles into Bucky’s long locks. 

“You can’t promise that.”

“But I can promise that eventually it will,” Buckys looks up at Sam’s as he begins massaging his shoulders. “We paid the fees, filled out the forms. I mean, who wouldn’t approve two superheroes for parents?”

“You’re probably right,” Bucky sighs, reaching up and laying a hand overtop Sam’s. “I’m just nervous.”

“No shit,” Sam laughs, gently pulling Bucky’s hand so they are both standing. “Now go take a shower. I ain’t dealing with your greasy ass hair in bed tonight.”

“Whatever,” Bucky’s laughs, rolling his eyes. Nonetheless, after pecking Sam on the lips, he disappears down the hall to wash up. 

——-

The shower helped. A lot. As soon as Bucky stepped out, his muscles had felt relaxed and his mind clear. What was he worrying about? Everything would work out in the end, just like Sam said. 

“Sam, what are you thinking for dinner tonight?” Bucky calls as he steps out of the bathroom and changes into a pair of cotton pants and a hoodie. “I was kind of feeling like pizza.”

The silent is what sends a series of goosebumps up his arm. 

“Sam?”

Still no reply. 

It only takes half a second for Bucky to jump into action, opening a drawer and pulling out the loaded pistol. Stalking through the halls, with the gun raised, his heart beats rapidly. Sam has his suit. He has his guns. Why is the house so quiet then?

Bucky slowly approaches the connected living room and kitchen, the light emitting a soft glow into the hallway. He hears someone quietly breathing, however, there is still no response. 

He stops in his tracks for a moment, right outside the entrance. 3… 2… 1…

Bucky barely snaps his head behind the wall, only quick enough to peek at the state of the living room. Finding Sam standing by the phone, unharmed, isn’t exactly what he had expected. 

“Sam?” Bucky’s lets out the breath he had been holding, lowering the gun. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.”

The tone in his voice… something’s clearly wrong. There’s no softness in his voice reserved only for Bucky. His shoulders aren’t held back and straight like he always has them, just the way his parents had insisted he keep them. The suspense of finding out exactly what the problem is may be even worse than having to approach the living room in the first place. 

“Babe?” Bucky asks slowly. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I just talked to the adoption agency. They called a few minutes ago,” Bucky’s heart drops as soon the realization of Sam’s words and tone hits him. “We didn’t get approved.”

Bucky is silent for a moment, slowly putting the gun on the table. “It’s my fault. Isn’t it?”

Sam turns around, ready to shoot down any of Bucky’s negative thoughts or ideas. However, just the look in his eyes is answer enough. 

“This isn’t anyone’s fault, the agency just didn’t think superheroes—,” 

“Don’t lie to me, Sam. Tell me the truth,” Bucky snaps, the harshness catching Sam by surprise. “They didn’t approve because they didn’t want a deranged assassin responsible for hundreds of deaths to raise a child. Right?”

“You’re not deranged, and you’re not an assassin,” Sam says sternly, walking up to Bucky. He cups his husband’s cheek. “We’ll try again. It’s not like we don’t got the money. Eventually—"

“What’s the point, Sam?” Bucks asks sadly, gently pushing Sam’s hand away. “No agency in their right mind would approve me as a father. As long as you’re my husband, you won’t be a father.”

——

It didn’t matter what Sam, or anyone else said to him. Bucky was convinced he was some kind of curse in the matter of becoming a father. 

It’s been almost two months since the agency disapproved Sam and Bucky as parents. Sam tried calling. Numerous times. 

He argued, he begged, and he even tried to play the discrimination card. However, each time, he was disapproved and back to square one. 

It didn’t help that Bucky basically isolated himself from everyone. He hardly spoke, or ate, and spent all his time on cases and fighting. Steve had even tried giving him a patriotic lecture every now and then, but nothing seemed to snap him out of his depressed mood. 

Now, things are starting to return back to normal. However, every time Sam tries to bring up adoption, or perhaps a surrogate, he’s shot down. Seeing the guilt in Bucky’s eyes kills him. There seems to be no way to convince him that he’s not a curse. That eventually, they will be parents.

If someone like Thanos could be a father, Sam refuses to believe that he and Bucky can’t.

However, at this moment, he can’t exactly think about that.

“Remind me again how Hydra still exists?” Sam grunts as he narrowly dodges a knife. 

“You tell me,” Sharon holds her hand up at Sam, catching the shield as he tosses it. In one swift motion, she’s knocked out two of the enemies. “You’re Captain America, after all.”

After shooting one last soldier, and knocking out another, the two finally stand back to take a breath. 

“Where did your boss say the weapon was?” Sam asks breathlessly, using the x-ray vision on his goggles. “The rooms are all lined in lead- I’m not getting anything.”

“We’re looking for a heat signature,” Sharon explains, whipping out a small device to detect one. “Everett wasn’t very thorough about what it was, though I’m pretty sure he’s just as clueless,” She mumbles the last part under her breath. The machine lets out a beep, before Sharon points a finger at a steel door. “I’m getting one in that room.”

Sam nods, the two of them venturing forward towards the unmarked door. As they approach it, Sam grimaces unintentionally. 

“You said heat signature,” He confirms. “Does that mean the weapon is a person?”

“I’d assume as much,” Sharon mutters, pulling out another gadget and attaching it to the doorknob. 

The two of them back up, Sam using his wings as a shield for the two of them. The doorknob blows up only a few seconds later. 

“Stay here in case someone comes. I’ll call if I need you,” Sam nods at Sharon’s, feeling a bit better, frankly, about not having to go inside. He’s not afraid, just uneasy. 

Sharon pulls out two pistols, slowly walking in on full alert, the room appears to be empty, except for a small, tall metal box attached to several wires and tubes. They all seem to link back to a series of monitors. 

Sharon scans the room for any other entries or people, and after finding it to be in fact empty, approaches the box. It has a glass top, however whatever is inside isn’t visible from far away. 

It’s only after she approached it that she lets out a quiet gasp. 

“Wilson? You’re going to want to see this.”

—-

Bucky lets out a tired sigh as he collapses on the couch. After returning home from a day of being The Winter Soldier, he began the start of being Bucky Barnes. 

Aka, trading bag guys and guns for dishes and laundry. Sam said he would bring home food, considering neither are all too talented when it comes to cooking up a meal. That’s not to say they’re completely useless, however, one can only eat sandwiches and ramen so many times. 

The door clicks open, a smile stretching across Bucky’s face as he hears Sam walk in. However, as soon as his husband walks into the living room, the smile falters.

“That doesn’t look like takeout.”

His ocean eyes are transfixed on the zipped up carrier Sam holds in one hand, his duffel bag in the other.

“Did you get a pet?” Bucky asks in confusion, pointing to the white cat lounging on the couch. “Because we kinda already have one.”

“Do you remember, two months ago when you said you could never be a father? That I could never be one if I was married to you? And I told you were wrong?” Sam ignores Bucks questions, lowering the carrier gently to the ground. 

Bucky’s eyes widen slightly as he takes a second glance at the carrier. 

“Sam, what’s in the carrier?”

“Do you remember?” Sam asks, once again ignoring the questions. Bucky sighs, nodding. 

“Yes, yes, I remember,” Bucky waves him off, still staring at the carrier. Sam grabs his face with both hands, tears brimming his waterline. 

“Well,” Sam smiles tearfully, laughing gently. “I don’t mean to sound like an asshole or anything, but I told you so.”

Bucky’s breath catches in his throat as the words leave Sam’s lips. His eyes flicker back to the carrier, hope filling them. 

Understanding that he’s going to be wordless for quite some time, Sam grabs Bucky’s hand and pulls him over to where the carrier sits. He leans down and unzips it, carefully picking up a small bundle from within. 

“This,” Sam begins in a quiet voice, gently pulling the blanket down to reveal a tiny face hidden in the fabric. Bucky stares down at the baby in pure awe. “- is Katarina. She’s the child of a woman who was a failed super soldier serum experiment in Hydra. They’ve had her for about four months now, and were going to inject her with more serums to make her into a new weapon. Luckily, Sharon and I got there before they could.”

“They let you take her?” Bucky asks, referring to the government. Sam smiles, shrugging. 

“She’s a baby who is barely showing signs for the super soldier serum- they don’t need her,” Sam looks back down at the bundle in his arms, her eyes slowly prying open from sleep. Two glistening hazel gems stare back at him, filled with curiosity. “But we do.”

Bucky’s caught by surprise as Sam holds the baby out to him. He looks up with raised brows at his husband.

“Say hello to your daughter, Buck.”

All this… it seems surreal. A child is being offered to him right now.

His child.

Bucky stares up at this man that he loves, so, so much, and then back down at this tiny little bundle with sparkling eyes… and he realizes something.

They’re his. Both of them. His husband. His daughter. 

His family.

Bucky doesn’t wait a second longer to take Katarina from Sam, holding her tightly against his chest. Hesitantly, he brings a cold metal finger to the baby’s cheek.

She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t cry, or stare at it in horror. What she does brings a fresh set of tears to Bucky’s eyes. 

The baby grasps his finger with both hands, giggling softly as she hugs his hand to her chest.

“Our daughter,” Bucky whispers, a tear trailing down his cheek. Sam sniffs, smiling and nodding. 

“Yeah. Our daughter.”

----

[anarcoqueer1994]

Don't Let Me Go

*This is a Trans!TJ story I wrote a month ago on Archive of Our Own. Hope you like it. (Also you are still so valid if you dont pass or dont want to pass <3)

TJ was a boy. He had always felt like a boy. Even when he was young, and he would be put into cutesy little dresses like the girls in his class(he knows some boys wear dresses, he just doesn't feel great in them.), or when people would call him she/her, or when the other boys would exclude him because "No Girls Allowed", he knew he was a boy.

In the third grade, his wonderful mother, let him chop off his long hair and let him start wearing "boy's clothes." Some kids were mean of course but his big sister, Amber, wouldn't let anyone mess with him.

The most painful person to remember was Jay. Jay promised to be his best friend. But as soon as he started dressing more like a traditional boy, Jay made fun of him for being a freak. He said he was not a real boy. It broke his heart.

TJ never wanted to feel hurt like that again. TJ began forcing himself to be meaner, tougher, anything to make himself seem more masculine. He desperately wanted to pass. He did not want anyone to question who he was, that he was a boy. Unfortunately, one thing held him up from being able to hide that he was a trans boy, everyone in his class remembered when he presented as a girl, and many of them never quite treated him like a "real" boy. It was not fair. He was a boy just like all the other guys in his class but just because he was born with different parts, he was treated differently.

This all changed in middle school. Shadyside had a few different schools depending where you lived in town. TJ's mother talked to the school district, and managed to get him sent to Jefferson. It was across town from him and no one from his elementary school would be there. Only a few teachers would know that he was trans. This was an opportunity for him to blend it.

Unfortunately, this was also a time where puberty was kicking in. So even though he was in a new school, he was still nervous. He began binding the summer before 6th grade. On his first day of Jefferson, he made sure everyone knew that he was a tough guy that should not be messed with. He established himself early as a bully. He figured no one could hurt him if he pushes them away first He also made it clear that he was the best basketball player and by the end of the year he knew he was going to be the captain of the basketball team the following year. Plus he was so glad that he was allowed in the boys team, no question. He goes out of his way though to stay after practice to clean up so he doesn't have to deal with the locker room awkwardness. He has pulled it off, no one knew his secret.

By 7th grade, he could basically do anything. He was a popular jock. But he also had built up a thick wall around him. That's when Buffy Driscoll ruined everything for him. How could coach let a girl on the team? It was a boy only space. No one questioned him being in it because everyone knew he was a boy. Then here comes Buffy, a girl, intruding in. Plus...she was just as good of a player as him. That's really scared him. Basketball was all he had. He wasn't good at math, he felt like a freak whenever he looked in the mirror, he had to work harder and harder to keep his voice deep, but basketball made him feel like he was worth something.

So he was a jerk to her. Part of him felt bad about it but he needed to protect himself. He was even crappy when he was forced to ask her to tutor him. He was doing fine at keeping up being mean until she introduced him to that short, adorable, dork, Cyrus. The moment TJ laid eyes on him and his cute smile, he felt like his world was going to crash down around him. On one hand, he loved that he helped this sweet cutie get a muffin. It made him feel like a tough protector, very manly.

But on the other hand, the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel weak. He can't believe his first crush...is on a guy. He couldn't believe it, not only was he trans, but now he is worried he is gay too. But no matter how worried about getting close to Cyrus or being gay he was, he couldn't help himself.

He remembers seeing the boy swinging alone and he could of just passed by but he didn't. Against his better judgement, he walked up to the boy and started to talk. He was a little saddened when Cyrus thought of him as a scary basketball guy, but that was his own fault. But when he said his name, Cyrus said he knew. TJ smiled to himself thinking about Cyrus knowing his name. .And then that boy smiled at him...no for him.That beautiful smile was for TJ and TJ alone. Cyrus was enjoying hanging out with TJ. TJ thinks about how he laughed and screamed while TJ pushed him on the swing. When his hands touched Cyrus' back, he almost forgot to breathe. Then he ran under the swing and yelled "Underdog." That's when he got to see Cyrus' sweet face as he was swinging.

It was a few weeks later though that he knew for sure that Cyrus had his heart. TJ was angry about feeling stupid and not being allowed in the game. He decided letting Cyrus get close to him was too much of a risk at that moment. He was so mean when Cyrus came to check on him. But then instead of giving up, that persistent boy followed TJ. Cyrus had left the game where his best friend was the star to be with him. Cyrus managed to help him with his feelings towards his learning disability. When he said there was nothing wrong him, TJ knew this Cyrus could see past the mean exterior he put up, and still liked what he saw underneath. And like that TJ's walls started to crumbled down, even if it was just for Cyrus at first.

In the year that followed, he started opening up for others too. He lost some friends, Reed and Lester, but gained better ones in Cyrus' friends. He has to admit he was a little nervous at first with Jonah, given that they played little league together but it's fine. Jonah either doesn't remember that TJ is trans or is just respectful enough not to out him.

He was truly happy right now. It was the first time in his life he felt good about everything going on. It was the weekend during the winter break of his eighth grade year. He, Amber, Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, and of course, Cyrus, were going sledding. They meet up at The Spoon, and walk over to the tallest hill in Shadyside together. On the way over Cyrus is visibly nervous.

Cyrus lets out a nervous laugh. "So anyways, I think I will stay back on the top of the hill and watch every one's stuff. I'm cool not sledding."

Buffy rolls her eyes. "You know you have to face your fear sometime. Come on sledding can be fun."

"Yea, didn't you dirt bike a few months ago? This is way less scary." Andi chimes in.

"Wrong. I had a helmet and padding on. There is nothing separating me and the icy ground if I fall out of the sled. " Cyrus retorts.

TJ lets out a little huff of a laugh. "Underdog, you can go down with me if you want. I mean I can protect you from the ground. I promise I won't let go." TJ smiles. Andi and Buffy exchange knowing looks. TJ become self conscious all of a sudden. "I mean of course if you want to...you don't have to."

"No actually that would be great. Cross another thing off my bucket list. But you gotta keep your promise to protect me, deal?" Cyrus smiles and slips in a little wink.

TJ blushes but hopes people don't notice because of the cold air. His heart feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if Cyrus realizes that he is flirting. No, of course he is not flirting. He is probably not even gay. TJ is just reading too much into it, right? He composed himself and says "Deal, Cy."

"Alright Cyrus!" Jonah pats him on the back. "You're going to sled!" TJ subconsciously gets a little jealous of the smile Cyrus flashes at Jonah but ignores the feeling.

They finish making their way to the hill. Marty and Buffy waste no time, already making it a contest to see who can get down to the bottom first. The others are moving more leisurely. Despite the earlier conversation, TJ notices Cyrus standing back. He looks apprehensively at the hill.

TJ walks up to him and says softly, "You don't have to do this, Cyrus." He tries to ignore how close Cyrus is to him right now. He can't believe Cyrus can make him feel so weak.

"No Teej, I...I want to. Let's um do this, okay?" He gives a small smile.

TJ leads the shorter boy over to sleds. He sits down in the back of a long plastic sled and puts his leg on either side of it so Cyrus has room to get in. TJ says one more time. "You don't have to Underdog."

"No I'm going to." Cyrus gets into the sled as confidently as he can. His back is resting against TJ's chest. TJ is pretty sure Cyrus can feel his heart pounding even through a thick winter coat, a hoodie, a t-shirt and his binder. Cyrus says "Now remember, you said you promise you won't let go." The brunette says while looking down at TJ's hands just resting on the sides of them.

"Oh...yeah ..um...sorry." TJ nervously wraps his arms around Cyrus' body. He keeps telling himself that this is no big deal. You are just helping your friend. "Ready, Muffin?" TJ suddenly gets really stiff. He can't believe that came out of his mouth.

"What did you just call me?" Cyrus twists his head around to look at the blonde.

"Oh God, I'm sorry...it just came out...I'm sorry…" TJ starts to ramble.

"No, it's fine. It's cute." Cyrus gives a big smile before turning back around.

Cute. Did Cyrus just call something he did, cute? His head was racing with so many thoughts. He has to remind himself to kick off.

"As I was saying, ready?"

Cyrus nods as TJ kicks off. He feels Cyrus place his own hands over TJs arms as they speed down the hill. Cyrus is yelling like he did that first day at the swing set. TJ can't see his face but know he smiling. And TJ is smiling too like a love struck idiot. He couldn't be gladder that Cyrus could not see him.

Eventually they come to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Cyrus turns his head to look back at TJ again. "That was exhilarating!"

"I told you I would not let anything happen to you." TJ gives a big grin then stares at Cyrus for a moment. Suddenly he realizes he is still holding onto Cyrus' waist. He haistedly goes to remove his arms.

"You could of left your arms there for a bit longer." Cyrus says casually. Oh God, TJ thought, was Cyrus really flirting with him? He doesn't know how it is possible but his heart was beating even faster. Luckily he is saved by Andi calling out to them from the too if the hill.

"Are you guys going to sled some more or sit there all day?" TJ sees Amber giggle by her side.

"We should get back up there." TJ says nervously.

"Yes, that's a good idea." Cyrus agrees before both boys get up and walk back up the hill. The kids spend the rest of the afternoon sledding and then head back to Cyrus' dad's house to warm up. Everyone brought clothes to change into because the snow made the clothes they were wearing soaked.

Marty goes up to the second floor bathroom to change. Unfortunately, Marty doesn't realize someone is already in there when he opens the door to find TJ in the middle of changing. TJ looks mortified as the other boy quickly closes the door, apologizing as he does. TJ's back was to the door, so he isn't sure what Marty saw but he definitely feels exposed. All the worst scenarios play through his head. What if Marty goes and tells everyone what happened? He is pretty sure his friends wouldn't hate him or anything but what if they treat him differently if they knew.

He finishes putting his clothes on and slides quietly out of the bathroom. Marty isn't in the hallway, and he is relieved that he doesn't have to face him yet. He needs a bit before he goes downstairs. He sees an empty guest room a few doors down, so he goes in there to collect his thoughts. He sits on the edge of some really nicely made bed.

He is still in shock over what happened. How could he be so careless to not lock the door? He did so good blending in. He had so many plans. This coming summer, he had convinced his mom to let him start taking T. But now, no matter what he does, his friends are going to see him like his old classmates did. God, just when things were going right.

Then another thought crossed his mind. This is going to blow his chance with Cyrus. How could Cyrus want him if he knew the truth. He felt so defeated. All he wants to do is go home and lay in bed. And to think, a few hours ago, he had Cyrus against his chest and if he did not know any better, he swore Cyrus was flirting with him. He sits alone with his thoughts for a while.

He does not realize how much time he had been in that room until he hears a faint knock on the door.

"Teej? Can I come in?" It's Cyrus. His voice sounds so little. TJ knew it, Cyrus must be disappointed about TJ's secret.

TJ takes all his strength to say "Come in…" He does not turn his head to face Cyrus as he comes into the room. He is not strong enough to face him.

Cyrus speaks first. *TJ, I'm so sorry.'

This catches the blonde off guard. He turns around to meet Cyrus' eyes "Wait, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I made you feel so uncomfortable today...that's why you are you here avoiding everyone."

"Underdog, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm so confused." TJ scrunches his eyebrows up.

Cyrus starts rambling. "Today, when we were sledding. I mean before we were sledding, Buffy and Andi got it into my head that maybe you liked me the way I liked you. Buffy said I should face my fear and put myself out there. So when you met up with us, I had an idea. I tried my best to flirt, and I thought you may have been flirting back. Like you called me muffin and you held onto my waist for a long time, and I think I read to much into it. I crossed a line and now you can't even be in the same room as me.'

Did Cyrus Goodman just tell him he likes him too. TJ can feel his cheeks go bright red. He is blushing like crazy. Marty must have kept the secret to himself if Cyrus thinks this is the issue. "Wait. Cyrus? Is that what you think? You think I don't want to be in the same room as you? You have to be the oblivious one. I like you so much...I just can't believe you like, like me too." Cyrus steps closer to TJ as the older boy continues to speak. "I loved holding you close to me and I love anytime that I'm with you. I love listening to you talk about anything, and I love that I feel like I can be myself around you. I love when our hands brush together and I love when you smile at me like I'm the only one in the room. I'm not really sure what it means to be in love but if I had to guess, I would say I'm in love with you."

Cyrus' face was now mirroring in redness from blushing. "You mean that Teej?"

"I've never meant anything more."

Cyrus, who is now standing right in front of TJ, leans down and places his fingers under TJ's chin. He gently tilts the basketball player's head to look up at him. His eyes flash down to TJ's lips. Then abruptly, TJ pulls away. "Wait .."

"Oh no, I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast? I just never thought the guy if my dreams would say he loves me as much as I love him." Cyrus goes to step away but TJ grabs his hand.

"It's not that, Cy. I have something I need to tell you before you commit to dating me. You may change your mind."

"You're scaring me TJ." Cyrus says rubbing the rough skin in TJ's knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm honestly scaring myself. But you deserve the truth about me. I'm not like most guys."

"If course you are not. You are better." Cyrus gives a weak smile.

"That's not what I mean. I'm not built the same as you, or Jonah, or Marty. I'm...I'm transgender. And, like, don't get me wrong, I don't hate my body or anything...most days at least, but it is not like most boys our age. And I was in here because Marty walked in in me changing. I didn't have my binder in and I was worried he saw. But it seems like he kept it to himself, which I appreciate. But I wanted you to know and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore. I get it…" TJ was looking down as he trailed offj, afraid to look at Cyrus' face

Cyrus sits on the edge of the bed next to TJ, still holding the other boy's hand.. He puts his free hand on the side of TJ's head turning it to face Cyrus. "I like...love you TJ. I didn't fall for you because I thought you were a cisboy. I fell for you because you were the cute, sweet, basketball playing boy that managed to steal my heart a little more every time I hung out with you."

"You don't think I'm a freak?"

"Of course not. There is nothing wrong with you."

"You know dating me isn't going to be easy. I plan on transitioning more over the next few years, things like hormones, and maybe surgery. That is alot to deal with."

"Well bring it on. I don't plan on going anywhere as long as you want me, not-so-scary basketball guy. I promise I won't let go."

"You won't? Let go, I mean. You won't leave me even when it is hard?" TJ sounds desperate to believe him. He is so scared of being hurt again like he was when he was younger. He thinks back to the old best friend that abandoned him.

"Never, never ever. I could never let go of you " Cyrus says sincerely.

TJ feels like his insides are on fire. Cyrus was truly the most amazing person he could ask for in his life. Without thinking, TJ leans in and places a gentle kiss in Cyrus' lips. He pulls away slightly to see what happens next. Cyrus answers the unspoken question by leaning back in and deepening the kiss.

When they pull away for air, both boys can't help but grin. "Wow." TJ says. "That was my first kiss and just ..wow."

"I wish it was my first kiss...mine was with a girl, Amber's friend, Iris. I liked it much better with a guy." Cyrus smiles.

TJ knew he made the right chose telling Cyrus. After everything Cyrus just found out, he still sees TJ as just as much a boy as he has ever been. TJ says softly. "Does this mean we are dating now."

"Only if you want it to." Cyrus says in a hopeful voice.

"Then yes, we are dating." TJ smiles and sits in a comfortable silence with his new boyfriend.

[parachutingkitten]

Good Morning, Mr. Borg: Ch 2

Sorry it’s been a while. Hit some writers block. Also prepping to go home for Thanksgiving. Anyway, it’s here now! Things will start heating up, promise ;)

Happy Reading!

“You want a cup?” I asked, pouring a mug for myself.

“Sure. I’ve never had it before, so-”

“You’ve never had hot chocolate before?!” I spun around to face him. 

He shrugged. “I had to pay for my crimes somehow.”

I chuckled, turning back around, and pouring another mug. “Yeah, well, I think you’ll like it.” I picked up the two mugs, handing one to Cryptor. “And if you don’t, then that just proves you don’t have a heart.”

“Then… for science?” He raised his mug.

“For science.” Our cups clinked as we each took a careful sip. 

“Well… I’d say it’s good.” He commented, looking down at the liquid. 

“Oh! I forgot the best part!” I placed my cup down and grabbed the bag of marshmallows sitting on the counter. I sprinkled a few in his mug as he looked down at them in curiosity.

“What are these for?”

“They float!” He looked up at me in confusion. “It’s fun.” I rolled my eyes, turning to pour a third mug for Mr. Borg. 

“Definitely don’t get it. Maybe I don’t have a heart after all.”

I dressed both mine and Borg’s mugs with marshmallows and picked them up. “Well… maybe half a heart.” 

“That seems to be the droid standard.” 

We walked out of the break room in onto the main floor where Mr. Borg was working. 

“How’s it going?” I asked, walking towards him.

“Oh, just fine.” He called back to me. “The arm should be off the line soon, and then we can try it out.” 

“We got you some hot chocolate.” I reached past him and set it on his desk, finally grabbing his attention from the computer screen.

“Oh! Good thought. Especially with the snow outside.” 

I turned to look at Cryptor, setting his mug down on a table in order to pull out a chair. Seeing him maneuver the world with one arm was so very strange. It wasn’t the disability that was odd to me- I worked with Mr. Borg every day. But it was the person who it was attached to. It was this strange dissociation of the character as a whole that had plagued me since I met him. 

“How is the weather?” Borg broke my train of thought. “Any sign of improvement?”

“Not as far as I can tell,” Cryptor responded, sitting down. 

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t last too long. I’d hate to have you both stuck here overnight.”

Borg took a last sip of his cocoa before returning to his work. I walked over towards Cryptor, joining him at the table as we waited for his new arm to be completed. 

“So, what’s your deal?” He asked as I sat down.

“My deal?”

“Yeah. I feel like I’ve been talking about myself nonstop since I got here. What about you. What is it that makes Miss Drew Peterson tick?” He took a dramatic swig of his chocolate as I fiddled with the rim of mine. 

“That’s a good question,” I sighed. “I wish I had an answer for you. There really isn’t too much to me.”

“There’s got to be something though.” He pressed.

“I’m a student at Ninjago Tech, majoring in engineering, landed an internship here my sophomore year, they’ve since hired me, and now I work here.” I looked up at him. “That’s the story.”

“Where’d you grow up?”

“Ninjagan Suburbs.”

“Siblings?”

“Only child.”

“Hobbies?”

“I play a mad game of sudoku.”

He leaned back in his chair. “You really weren’t kidding, were you?”

“I bore myself sometimes,” I smiled. 

“Well, you’re working at Borg industries, your life is bound to get more interesting now.”

I sighed. “Yeah, today has definitely been interesting.”

“It’s ready!” Mr. Borg called from across the room. “The arm is ready! Let’s see how it works!” 

Cryptor and I glanced at each other before getting up. This main room wasn’t directly housing any of the machinery, but the completion conveyor belt ran through the room. We all made our way to the edge of the track, waiting for the new limb to make its way into the room. When it did arrive, it was quite plain. Simple titanium metal work, extremely simplistic design. Borg lifted it from the belt, carefully examining it before handing it to Cryptor. 

“You’ll attach it using this locking mechanism at the end,” Borg explained. “If you position it right, your body should automatically be receptive to it.”

Cryptor gingerly lifted the new forearm, and aligned it with his current upper arm, before carefully sliding them together. There was a small spark and short buzz, and his arm began moving as one cohesive piece. But his expression was still puzzled. 

“How’s it working?” Borg asked.

“I don’t know,” Cryptor thought. “It’s not responding to my impulses. I don’t know if there’s a little bit of a delay, or if it’s not receiving all of my signals, but something is definitely off.”

Borg sighed, looking down at his work. 

“Well, that’s alright. First one off the line is never quite right anyways. It might be the transmitter chip.” He returned to the computer, looking at his designs. “Oh, do you mind if we plug you into the system real quick? Just to make sure it’s not a software compatibility issue?”

“Sure.” Cryptor slipped off the failed forearm as Borg handed him a wire. He inserted the wire into a port hidden on his chest, just beneath the hem of his shirt.

As he did, the whole room grew brighter. Literally- the lights on the ceiling intensified, to the point of hearing an audible buzz. We all stopped, shielding our eyes to look up at the light.

“What the hell?” 

The buzz grew louder, and I was worried the bulbs may begin breaking, before they all suddenly dimmed again, back to their original luminance.

“Well…” Borg began. “That was strange.”

“You think… that’s was the weather?” Cryptor asked.

“Let’s go with that.” I responded.

“If so, that certainly doesn’t bode well for the rest of the day,” Mr. Borg commented. “Well, it doesn’t look like Cryptor was the problem.” He returned to his computer screen. “Why don’t you go back up to the top floor and run a system diagnostic. Just to be safe.”

Cryptor hesitantly removed the wire from his chest, all of us half expecting the lights to freak out again. But nothing happened.

“Sounds good. I think everything should come up fine though,” I assured him. 

“You keep on saying stuff like that.” Cryptor sighed. 

“You want to see for yourself?” I shrugged, turning to leave as I could hear his footsteps following me. 

“All of this just doesn’t sit right with me,” he shook his head, catching up with me as we exited. 

“I wouldn’t worry. After the nindroid invasion your dad has put countless security protocols in place-”

“Hold on,” He stopped me. “My dad?”

“Well…” I stopped. Mr. Borg certainly referred to him as his son. Did Cryptor not reciprocate this? “I mean, you were built in his factory, weren’t you?” 

“Yeah, but I was also based on the blueprints of Zane, altered by Pixal, under the orders of the Overlord. If we tried to assign family relations to all the people who made me, we’d be sitting here all day.” 

I pressed the elevator call button as we continued to argue. “I guess, but that seems a little harsh to cut him off like that.”

He sighed. “Look, it’s all much more complicated when you’re a nindroid.” He explained as the arrival tone beeped. “It’s just better not to get attached.” 

“Well maybe you should,” I countered as we stepped in. “I think getting attached is pretty fun.” 

He rolled his eyes as I selected the floor.

My finger sprung back at the surprising jolt of pain the button gave me. 

“You good?” he asked. 

I shook my hand out. “Yeah. Must have just been some static electricity or…” I glanced at my finger seeing a visible drop of blood oozing its way out. “...something.” 

Cryptor glanced over my shoulder, seeing what the button had done. “I don’t think that was static.” He crouched down in front of the panel, examining the button as I was left staring at my finger, my head going into a daze. 

“There’s a tiny hole in the center of the button. Looks like something was poked through it.”

As I listened to him my vision started getting hazy. Blurred. Darker… and darker...

“Drew…? Drew are you okay?”

...and black. 

[bethkerring]

10 Tips on Writing Asexuality

It’s been a long, long twelve years since I first realized I was asexual.

I’m one of the fortunate ones that realized my lesser-known orientation without having to go through years of confusion, uncertainty, and experimentation (because while some might enjoy that, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn’t have). I was fourteen when I first came across the term and thought it might apply to me, and shortly before I turned fifteen, I officially claimed it as my own.

A lot has changed since then. When I first came out, there was almost nothing out there for asexuals. There was the AVEN website, a few blog posts, and even fewer YouTube videos, but the word basically didn’t exist in common knowledge, even among people who identified as LGBTQ+. Any fiction that included ace characters was almost exclusively unconfirmed, and left up to fans to compile lists of evidence that a certain character was probably asexual—which was usually ignored by the majority of fans, who wanted to see the character in sexual situations, and often later brushed aside by the creators.

Now, asexuality is more and more recognized by the popular media and the general public. Visibility is still lacking, but we’re recognized by major LGBTQ+ organizations, represented (to a small extent) in Pride events, and increasingly represented as characters in TV shows, books, movies, etc. I’ve even found random strangers recognizing the asexual pride button on my purse—and I live in the Bible Belt.

And it’s a great feeling. Every time I see another ace character in popular media, I get a little burst of joy to see someone like me—at least in this one way, if not in others. I’m especially glad to see good representation, especially after years of representation that was questionable at best (Sherlock still comes to mind) and harmful at worst (does anyone remember that episode of House?). I’m also thrilled to see that non-asexual people are really interested in doing ace representation right and are reaching out to asexuals to get their take on what they want to see.

So I thought I would include my perspective on writing asexual characters, because frankly, everyone’s experience and viewpoint is a little difference, and I hope this conversation continues with as many diverse voices as possible.

I hope these tips are helpful and make you at least a little more confident about including ace characters in your own work!

1. Watch out for stereotypes, but don’t throw them out the window. This is almost certainly confusing, so let me explain: I often see people try so hard to avoid stereotypical traits in asexual characters that they forget that aces are incredibly diverse. Yes, not all asexuals are aromantic, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals hate close physical contact, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are shy or socially awkward, but some are. Yes, not all asexuals have seventeen cats, but some do. Yes, not all asexuals are repulsed by sex, but some are. And the list goes on. You should absolutely be aware if a character trait you’ve chosen is stereotypical, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you should avoid it, especially if you have more than one asexual character. Be aware of it, but focus on writing a well-rounded, realistic character over avoiding every stereotype in the book. No matter what trait it is, if you’re writing it well, chances are good there’s an asexual out there who will empathize with it.

2. Keep intersectionality in mind. Though, as I said, I’m absolutely thrilled to see more ace characters in media, I know there’s still a desperate need for more diverse examples of asexuality, especially those that take into account how people of different races, genders, abilities, national origins, religions, and ages—among other things—experience their asexuality. A man does not experience asexuality the same as a woman. A white person does not experience asexuality the same as people of other races—I can’t list them all here, but from what I’ve seen, every racial identity comes with stereotypes and prejudices that interact with asexuality differently. Someone’s religion might affect how they view their asexuality or how they’re viewed by their religious community, and someone’s asexuality might be brushed aside if they’re “too young,” “too old,” or have a disability. Personally, I am an able-bodied American white woman, so I can’t say a lot about this specifically, but please do your research on this aspect of their experience just like you would any other. It might not be what you’re expecting.

3. Don’t make asexuality their defining trait. Unless someone is an asexual activist (and these are valid characters!), and even if they are, they’ve probably got quite a few aspects of their life that have nothing to do with their orientation. An asexual doesn’t spend all day every day thinking about the fact that they don’t experience sexual attraction. It is, after all, the lack of an experience rather than the presence of one, and is therefore less likely to draw their attention at any given moment. Contrary to some people’s belief, asexuals don’t necessarily have “oodles of free time” since they don’t spend it thinking about sex—but they do have other things that interest them. They are full human beings, just as complex as anyone of any other orientation, and as a certain lesbian character from a TV show I’m fond of once said, “My sexuality is not the most interesting thing about me.”

4. Remember that there are many ways to “humanize” a character without giving them a love interest. This is one of those topics that isn’t exclusive to stories with asexual characters, but is still relevant to them. All too often, I’ve seen characters who seem cold, inhuman, or heartless made more “human” by falling in love, as if the ability to feel romantic and/or sexual attraction is what makes them “not a machine.” This idea goes back at least a century, to Arthur Conan Doyle stating that Sherlock Holmes was “as human as a Babbage’s calculating machine, and just as likely to fall in love.”

Let me make this very clear: a character is not inhuman because they don’t feel romantic or sexual love, and a character is not especially human simply because they do feel these things. Even if your character is not asexual, please don’t make the one thing that “humanizes” them be romantic/sexual attraction—and in the case of asexual characters, please don’t try to “humanize” them by giving them a romantic interest. Yes, asexuals can be romantic, aromantic, or anything in between, but romantic asexuals are no more human than aromantics. There are so many other ways to humanize someone: strong platonic attachment, caring for animals, passion for a social cause, love for the environment, and countless other possibilities. Obviously it’s completely okay for romantic or sexual attraction to be one of these things: but please don’t make it the only one.

5. Think about how they discovered their orientation. Even if your character has known they’re asexual for 50+ years, unless your story takes place in some great fictional society where non-straight orientations are openly welcomed and accepted as normal, how they figured out their asexuality is probably going to affect them—as well as when they figured it out. I discovered my own asexuality in my early teens, but I’ve seen people who didn’t discover the term until they were senior citizens, having felt alone and out of place their entire lives with no idea why. If they discovered it recently, especially after a long time of not understanding themself, they might still be figuring out exactly how they define their own identity.

6. Consider asexuality in the context of your character’s environment. Small-scale and large-scale. Where your character grows up and what environment they live in during the story makes a huge difference on how their asexuality is expressed, and this is true whether you’re writing historical fiction (where views of and experiences in asexuality are obviously very different) or whether you’re deciding if your character’s family is supportive. There’s an enormous spectrum of variation in this, so I won’t even try to go into the details, but keep in mind that whether your character is out, what sort of prejudice they face, and how they feel about their own orientation will all be greatly affected by the world they live in and the people they know.

7. Asexuality is not an illness—but that doesn’t mean life experiences can’t affect it. Remember the House episode I mentioned? For those that never saw it, the patient-of-the-day was an apparently ace woman, married to an apparently ace man, who goes to see Dr. House. House is convinced that no human could possibly be asexual, despite another character, Wilson, mentioning research validating the orientation. In the end, House discovers that the man has a brain tumor suppressing his sex drive and the woman has been faking her orientation to stay with her husband.

This is … extremely problematic for what I hope are obvious reasons. This led to a lot of families and friends of asexuals, who had previously been supportive, suddenly worrying that their loved ones had brain tumors. Obviously, if there is a genuine reason to suspect a medical issue (such as a sudden disappearance of sexual interest when it existed before), one should consult a doctor, but this episode presented only two cases of asexuality, one of which was “just an illness” and another of which was a lie. This led viewers to the same conclusion that House himself reached: that no healthy human being could possibly be asexual.

This is a very bad example of asexual representation, but it’s also worth mentioning that there are asexuals who view their asexuality as being affected by their life experiences, a specific diagnosis, or even a chronic illness, and as long as you do research beforehand into what sorts of experiences can contribute to someone’s identity, and don’t try to “cure” that character’s asexuality as part of your story, this is okay. Ideally, include more than one ace character as a way to make it clear to your readers that experiences differ, and that all roads to finding one’s identity are valid. Sexual orientation is unlikely to change and can never be “cured”—since it’s not an illness in itself—but that doesn’t mean the environment can’t affect it.

8. Exploration and questioning is okay. I also want to emphasize that it is completely okay to have a character that is questioning their sexuality, and either later decides that they are ace or decides that they are not ace. As long as asexuality is treated as a genuine orientation and not just a “symptom”—and again, ideally, more than one ace character is included at least briefly—a character realizing that asexuality isn’t the right identity for them, or only realizing such after exploring other identities, is fine. As mentioned above, the House episode did this very wrong, but as long as you are not “disproving” the asexuality of the only two ace characters in the show—especially when it’s disproved by a guy who believes asexuality is impossible/inhuman—and you are sensitive and respectful, I think this can be done without causing offense.

9. Remember that ace views of attraction can be different than non-ace views. Much of society (at least Western society) seems to lump all attraction into one form: sexual and romantic combined. As asexuality gained more visibility, the idea of romantic and sexual attraction existing independently became more popular. On top of this, other types of attraction got more recognition: for instance, strong platonic attraction (like a non-romantic crush), sensual attraction (the desire for non-sexual physical contact), and aesthetic attraction (the attraction to the physical appearance of a person or object, but no desire for interaction). Note that this isn’t an asexual-exclusive experience, and a story definitely doesn’t need ace characters to explore these topics: many non-aces do experience these varied types of attraction, but haven’t had as much context to recognize or explore them. Asexuality, in recognizing that there are human beings with no sexual attraction, helped open the door to these ideas, but they have always existed. And even though this doesn’t necessarily relate to ace characters, I think it will go a long way to helping asexual experiences of attraction be better accepted.

10. Asexuality is a spectrum, and it’s more than okay to write all along it! I’ve been referring to the most general idea of “asexuality” in this post—probably because I fall completely in that category—but asexuality isn’t as simple as that, and the line between “ace” and “non-ace” isn’t so cut and dry. “Grey-asexuals” are a big part of the ace community, and their experience is both similar to and different from people who just identify as “asexual.” There are also demi-sexuals, who feel sexually attracted only once a strong emotional connection has been formed—and yes, these people deal with a lot of the same issues as asexuals, though of course, many parts of their experience are also unique. Keep this spectrum in mind as you’re writing your characters, even if you do end up writing someone who just identifies as “asexual.” It’s important to remember that the spectrum exists, if only because it’s a reminder that all of us, ace, non-ace, or anywhere in between, are part of the same immensely diverse gradient, instead of simply black and white.

Original post on my website.

[the-potter-analyst]

Chapter 12 - The Mirror of Erised

One can never have enough socks!!

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text word of the day: (White) Privilege

When I learned that this was the word that the hosts would use for chapter 12, I was.... intrigued to say the least about how they would connect the concept. But once again, I was amazed on what they found! Basically the invisibility cloak was a symbol for both having privilege and not having privilege. The original word(s) of the day is “white privilege” but the idea can also work for privilege in general, which is why I have white in parentheses. Just to put it out there, I’m an asexual black woman which right off the bat puts me at a disadvantage for the top categories of privilege lol, so this topic is something very close to home and I will not sugar coat anything. istg if I get any defensive replies or asks

The invisibility cloak having a double meaning around privilege is so fascinating to me. It reveals how invisibility can be good or bad depending if a person is privileged or not. For example, if you’re white, you will largely be ignored on the things you do; you can get away with almost anything. This is the positive side of the invisibility cloak, as Harry can roam around the castle without being noticed, particularly at night, and not be caught. On the flip side, a white person will be seen as an individual, their actions defining themselves and not an entire group. Alternatively, this is the complete opposite of any minority. Any black person walking down the street will be noticed because they are black, my people literally can’t do anything without the cops being called on them. And a black person’s actions ends up being a collective definition of the entire race. Like... a white shooter will always be talked about as an individual and the event being an isolated case. If the shooter is black or Arab or whatever? The media will spin it like the entire minority is evil. But if a black person is successful, their efforts are ignored. Can you name any black inventors? Because technology wouldn’t have been the same without them, yet you never learn about them in history books.

Harry notes that the cloak doesn’t stop him from being solid, which made me think about how being invisible and ignored in a negative way doesn’t make a person any less of a human, no matter how they may be treated as such. Just food for thought I guess.

Something Sacred Text host, Vanessa, said really struck me. She talked about how she was literally side stepped by someone so they could tap her black friend on the shoulder and compliment her outfit. And Vanessa, connecting it with invisibility and visibility, commented how the person probably (unintentionally) gave the compliment because her friend looked nice, for being black. And... I’ve never thought about that stuff quite in this way. I just assumed (white) people just tried to go out of their way to be nice to a black person, but to be honest I never gave much thought about it or its meaning in the first place. I get compliments from complete strangers everywhere for articles of clothing to my hair. Like just yesterday this white man walked up to me at a restaurant to say he loved my hair, which was in an afro. I’ve always thought it was weird to compliment random strangers like that, not in the way that you’re standing in line or something and compliment a girl’s purse who’s right in front of you, but literally walking up to someone who’s just minding their own business to do it. And cause this happened after listening to the podcast, I kept thinking is he trying to be encouraging to people with natural hair? does he really think his opinion is going to boost my self esteem like that? (normally I’d just brush it off and think that person’s weird) I know that wasn’t his intentions, but this is what those actions imply when it comes from a white person who’s a stranger.

Dumbledore says something that really holds true about privilege: “Strange how nearsighted being invisible can make you.” When you have it, you aren’t always aware of what your privilege gives you or what others without it experience. Like for me, I admittedly don’t think about ADA regulations all the time because I have an abled body, so it’s not something that I personally have to worry about unless I get an injury. But someone in a wheelchair, someone with a cane, someone with an invisible disability has to think about these things, because that’s their life. They need an accessible doorway for example just to get in a building. As a female, I can’t go out alone at night or even the bathroom at a bar without worrying I might be assaulted, but this isn’t something that men have to think about. So next time you’re defensive about something that someone of a minority group says about your privilege, think about this quote. Think about how your privilege makes you nearsighted. And then fucking listen.

Another long post lol I can’t not rant about this topic The rest of the chapter will be analyzed under the cut.

I kinda wonder if Hermione wasn’t in Harry’s friend group, if he and Ron would be as motivated to find out who Nicolas Flamel was. Obviously the constant searching in the library was her idea lol, because that’s her thing. When she doesn’t know something, she consults books AKA goes to the library. Though I think because Harry knew he read the name somewhere, he would have been searching in books as his curiosity had hit an all time high, but it would’ve probably been limited to his school books. Ron probably would’ve only joined occasionally to help Harry out, or done the same and look through his own books. I find it funny that the trio only looked through books about modern or recently famous wizards, which makes sense because you don’t exactly expect someone to live over 600 years lol.

Christmas morning of Harry’s first year always gives me so much joy to read (and watch). He gets so excited that he has presents!! Even the 50 pence that the Dursley’s sent he responds with that’s friendly lmao. I will also never get over the fact that Mrs. Weasley, after learning from Ron that Harry didn’t expect to get presents, made him a goddamn sweater and some fudge 😭 I also love how the Weasleys basically adopt Harry, and it’s not just Mrs. Weasley, it’s Fred and George too. Fred pulls wizard crackers with Harry during Christmas dinner.... they played in the snow until they were cold and wet.... not to mention the twins look after him in Quidditch.

The contrast between Christmas morning and Christmas evening is so interesting to me. Harry wakes up to presents from many people, eats all he wants for dinner, spends the day having fun with the Weasleys, and then after an adventure with his invisibility cloak, finds the Mirror of Erised. And this scene is so heartbreaking. I can just feel the empty silence as Harry longingly looks at his family, I can feel his ache for the people he never got to know. The hosts brought up how white/western culture is very individualistic, but at the expense of feeling disconnect with one’s own heritage. I also want to add how the same disconnect happens with a diaspora. This topic is a little interesting when considering that there’s a widespread headcanon that Harry is half Indian or just poc, so the feeling of disconnect might be even more powerful.

For what Ron sees, I’ve said previously that Ron’s insecurity is being the odd one out in his family, the one who doesn’t have a special thing because all his older brothers have already done it. So in the Mirror, he sees himself being the best of all of them combined. And he’s alone. He wants to stand out. So far I’ve seen a lot of signs that Ron takes his family for granted, which I get since he’s 11 and one of the youngest in a large and loving family: he’s embarrassed about their class status, he pushes away his mother when she tries to clean dirt off his face, he tells Harry he can see family any old time. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing since Ron’s still fairly young though (he also didn’t resist being told to wear his Weasley sweater like Percy), but again and again we’ll see moments like this where it’s apparent that Ron and Harry’s desires are the complete opposite of each other. Ron is also less obsessive than Harry, which is why I think he had a bad feeling about the mirror  while Harry didn’t despite the two fighting over it while in the empty classroom. And he gets so worried about Harry! He tries to get him to eat, or play games, or even visit Hagrid, anything to get Harry out of his depressive state.

I wonder why the Mirror was moved to the empty classroom for anyone to stumble upon though. Maybe Dumbledore needed space to tamper with it? And the best time would be the holidays when most of the students were away? Why not do it in the Room of Requirement where is was probably kept before this? And was Dumbledore invisible every night while modifying the mirror? Or just to keep an eye on it? I can’t stop thinking about his comment on not needing a cloak to be invisible.

Small things

The Weasley twins bewitching snowballs to basically hit Voldemort ahaha

I will always laugh at the “Gred and Forge” joke xD

What time do they have Christmas dinner.... afterwards it says they spent a “happy afternoon” playing outside, which I don’t know if they would do at night when it’s cold and snowy lol. And being in Scotland, the sun will set pretty early. So was this actually a Christmas lunch? I’m so confused

ONE CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH SOCKS CAN I GET AN AMEN

hjsdfhsjkdf but actually, as an adult that’s all I want for Christmas (even though I have no room for them anymore haha)

Scabbers why are you sleeping on Harry’s pillow you creep

Special shout out to all the Hogwarts house elves that make Christmas magical, as well as every other day at Hogwarts :)

Previous: Chapter 11 - Quidditch

Next: Chapter 13 - Nicolas Flamel

[perdev11-blog]

Problems as a teenager

INTRODUCTION:

 Teenagers face a lot of challenges and problems nowadays. They’re mostly victim of depression, anxiety, and other factors that affect their health. They usually not aware to these type of things, so they tend to suffer serious and critical illness which leads them to hurt themselves and the worst, to commit suicide. To prevent these such situations, we made this blog to spread awareness and to help our fellow teenagers to overcome challenges in their lives

Physical

Physical can mean a lot of things; it can mean or relating to the five senses. It means you can feel it, touch it, taste it, see it, and hear it. When it relates to physical health, it is when the body is functioning as it was designed to function. It also means that your body, freedom from disease, and the condition of optical well-being is in a good condition. Physical and mental health are connected, taking care of your physical health improves mental ability ang wellbeing and vice versa. If one of these may fail, the other one will be affected. There are many signs that we encounter of being physically unhealthy like; eating junk foods. Problems that we encounter in our physical health are the following; acne or pimples, menstruation, eyebags, under/overweight, poor eyesight, scars, and height.

A.) EYEBAGS

Eyebags are the puffiness and dark circles under our eyes due to lack of sleep, stress, etc. Mostly it is caused by lack of sleep. For teenagers, eyebags are normal and doesn't worry about it because it doesn't have effects of having it. According to mayoclinic, With aging, the tissues around your eyes, including some of the muscles supporting your eyelids, weaken. Normal fat that helps support the eyes can then move into the lower eyelids, causing the lids to appear puffy. Fluid also may accumulate in the space below your eyes, adding to the swelling. Causes of having an eyebags includes the following: fluid retention, lack of sleep, allergies, smoking, and heredity. Having eyebags doesn't require medical condition and is harmless.

B.) Scars

  A scar is a mark left on the skin or within body tissue where a wound, burn, or sore has not healed completely and fibrous connective tissue has developed. No one can avoid scars since we always go to the outside and dangerous world. Some scars can be unpleasant to some people because it can be seen to an exposed part of the body and the trauma that it left behind.

 When I was grade four, my classmates noticed that I got scars on my face and I got completely conscious about it since all of them didn’t even have a scar on their face. I tried searching for solutions to get rid of my ugly scars but no results.  For the past 3 years I despised myself due to the scars I have on my face. Then grade 7 came and I was surprised that I got a classmate that has a scar on their face. They weren’t bothered about the scar because it’s already part of their life and they have no choice but to live with it. And I saw that other people see scars unique because that’s what makes them different to other people.  I realized that why should I change myself when I’m already unique. I got fond of my scars because I saw it as a beautiful mark than an ugly blemish in my life. But over the years my scars suddenly faded. It’s not completely gone but it’s just that not very visible to people anymore.  However, I still like showing my scars because I really felt unique about it.

 People tend to hate themselves due to the scars that they have on their body. But what I’m telling you now that you shouldn’t hate yourself because of your scars rather appreciate your scars. You shouldn’t be afraid of showing your scars because they are the badges that shows you’ve won the battle that left you with it.  It’s really ok to have a scar because it shows that you’ve come this far and you are stronger than your past. Never reject your own mark because that mark is what makes you unique about yourself and different from other people because you conqured your own demons by yourself.

C.) Height

The physical change I encounter is my change in growth, when I was 7 years old I was easily bullied by my friends cause of my height, I’m always their target because I'm small, then years past by I started growing and improve my height because of that, I started gaining self-confidence and be able to socialize with others. The possible solution to this problems are: First, you must develop self-confidence and help yourself accept criticism from other, Second one is ignore what they are trying to say because you know yourself. Third, always think that everything is temporary, everything change, so grow where you have been planted.

 MENTAL

 Mental relates to our mind. It also refers to the total emotional and intellectual response of an individual to external reality. Mental health refers to our cognitive, behavioral, and emotional wellbeing - it is all about how we think, feel, and behave. The term 'mental health' is sometimes used to mean an absence of a mental disorder. Mental health can affect daily life, relationships, and even physical health. Mental health also includes a person's ability to enjoy life - to attain a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience.A mental disorder, also called a mental illness or psychiatric disorder is a behavioral or mental pattern that causes significant distress or impairment of personal functioning. Such features may be persistent, relapsing and remitting, or occur as a single episode.There are many symptoms of mental disorders such as anxiety, overthinking, depression, stress, etc.

A.) Stress

Stress is a normal part of life and can be caused by many different things. Stress on teenagers can be harmful to their health and wellbeing if it seems as though they have been enduring it for a long time. There many reasons why teen agers getting stress. Homework and school (especially exams) expectations and pressure from parents and their families to do well in school their social relationships with friends and boyfriends/girlfriends and the issue of sex life challenges, such as dropping out of school or going to tertiary studies or lack of time for work-having too much to do, feeling unprepared or overwhelmed lack of sleep. These are the reasons why teenagers get stress but there also a way how can they overcome it. When you believe that your child is depressed, speak to them about trying to determine whether these or other issues are happening. If you can understand how they feel stressed, helping them fix the cause and properly manage their stress will be easier. Yes maybe sometimes parents is the reason why teanager got stress, but they are also the way how their children can overcome it

B.) Overthinking

Overthinking is exactly what it means, thinking too much. When you think too much, instead of acting and doing things, you are overthinking. When you analyze, comment and repeat the same thoughts over and again, instead of acting, you are overthinking. This habit prevents you from taking action. It consumes your energy, disables your ability to make decisions, and puts you on a loop of thinking and thinking over and again. This is a kind of thinking that wastes your time and energy and prevents you from acting, doing new things and making progress in your life. It’s like tying yourself to a rope that is connected to a pole and going in circles again and again. In this situation there is more likelihood for worry, anxiety and lack of inner peace. On the other hand, when you don’t overthink, you become more efficient, more peaceful and more happy. Causes When you become more aware of your tendency to overthink things, you can take steps to change. But first, you have to recognize that overthinking does more harm than good. Sometimes, people think that their overthinking somehow prevents bad things from happening. And they think if they don't worry enough or rehash the past enough then somehow, they'll encounter more problems. But, the research is pretty clear overthinking is bad for you and it does nothing to prevent or solve problems I relive embarrassing moments in my head repeatedly. I have trouble sleeping because it feels like my brain won't shut off. I ask myself a lot of "what if..." questions. I spend a lot of time thinking about the hidden meaning in things people say or events that happen. I rehash conversations I had with people in my mind and think about all the things I wished I had or hadn't said. I constantly relive my mistakes. When someone says or acts in a way I don't like, I keep replaying it in my mind. Sometimes I'm not aware of what's going on around me because I'm dwelling on things that happened in the past or worrying about things that might happen in the future. I spend a lot of time worrying about things I have no control over. I can't get my mind off my worries. Effects You just can’t stop thinking about an event, a person, something that happened in the past, or on a problem. Instead of looking for a solution, taking initiative and being active, you just keep thinking and cannot get it out of your mind. At times, when something bad happens, you think about the worst scenarios, with thoughts like “what if?” or “why?”. You slip now and then into negative thinking patterns. You worry about past mistakes or current problems and issues, and how they might lead to negative outcomes. You obsess about or over-analyze your day-to-day experiences and interactions with people. You inflate every word, thought and event beyond really and reasonable proportions, reading into it things that aren’t actually there. If this happens often, you are what psychologists call a ruminator, or over-thinker. Psychologists have found that over-thinking can be detrimental to performance, and lead to anxiety and depression. How to overcome overthinking? There are various ways to get rid of this habit, like watching TV, playing video games or listening to music. Walking, swimming or exercising the body can also take your mind off temporarily from the habit overthinking. Anything that keeps your mind occupied with some activity that doesn’t allow you to overthink is okay. Watch yourself when you overthink and see how time and energy consuming it is, how you are behaving passively, instead of actively. Realize that thinking once, or a just a few times is enough. It leads you nowhere thinking over and again the same thoughts. You need to make a decision and act. The matter is that you might revert to overthinking – ruminating over and again. The above tips would help you, but if you want to completely overcome this habit, you will need to go one step further. You will need to learn to focus and calm down your mind, so that you can easily prevent  it from revolving around the same thoughts over and over again.

C.) Anxiety

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. It’s when you are not stable and not comfortable with your situation. It’s a type of mental illness where you’re unease. When you’re uncomfortable with your surroundings and when you tend to worry a lot with an uncertain outcome, you’re overthinking. Causes  Environmental factors: Elements in the environment around an individual can increase anxiety. Stress from a personal relationship, job, school, or financial predicament can contribute greatly to anxiety disorders. Even low oxygen levels in high-altitude areas can add to anxiety symptoms. Genetics: People who have family members with an anxiety disorder are more likely to have one themselves.  Medical factors: Other medical conditions can lead to an anxiety disorder, such as the side effects of medication, symptoms of a disease, or stress from a serious underlying medical condition that may not directly trigger the changes seen in anxiety disorder but might be causing significant lifestyle adjustments, pain, or restricted movement.  Brain chemistry: Stressful or traumatic experiences and genetic factors can alter brain structure and function to react more vigorously to triggers that would not previously have caused anxiety. Psychologists and neurologists define many anxiety and mood disorders as disruptions to hormones and electrical signals in the brain.  Use of or withdrawal from an illicit substance: The stress of day-to-day living combined with any of the above might serve as key contributors to an anxiety disorder. Effects  it can make you sweat Can make you have headaches  Excessive and ongoing worry and tension  Unrealistic view towards problems  Ongoing irritability  Muscle tension and aches  Can make you think of different views towards problems continuously This specific mental illness can bother you nonstop and make you have a negative outlook in life. Whenever we have or feel like we have anxiety or any other mental illness, we should check up with a professional. Anxiety can ruin your mind set and make you worry about things. To avoid this, we should try harder to be positive in life. It may make you think realistic about certain situations but it can go too much and become negative and toxic for our mental health. This also leads to us overthinking too much and may lead to anxiety.

 Living with mental illness is not easy. It’s a consistent problem without a clear solution. While treatments like medication and psychotherapy are incredibly helpful, sometimes people experiencing mental health conditions need to do more day-in and day-out to feel good or even just okay. Some common self-help suggestions people receive are to exercise, meditate and be more present, which are helpful and work for many people. However, other proven methods aren’t mentioned as often. Many of them are quick and simple techniques that can easily be added to daily routines. Finding the right coping mechanism takes time and patience, but it can enormously impact how you feel. If you haven’t had success with techniques you’ve tried, or you’re looking to add a few more to your toolkit, here are seven coping mechanisms recommended by mental health professionals worth trying out.

  EMOTIONAL

 What is Emotional? If it has anything to do with feelings like happiness or anger, then we consider it as emotional. Emotion is a mental state associated with the nervous system brought on by chemical changes variously associated with thoughts, feelings, behavioral responses, and a degree of pleasure or displeasure. It is often intertwined with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation.

 How do emotions affect behavior? Behaviors are different from thoughts and emotions. It is how we act or what we do. In contrast, thoughts and emotions are inside of us and we don’t have to act on our thoughts and emotions. Despites being different from emotions, behaviors are very strongly influenced by them. For example, when we feel frustrated, we sometimes acts on that frustration by saying mean things to our parents or on the people in our surroundings.

 Here are some examples of Emotional Conflicts:

A. ) MOOD SWINGS:

 "Mood Swings" is a typical term used to portray quick and seriously fluctuating feelings. Individuals regularly portray emotional episodes as an "exciting ride" of sentiments from bliss and satisfaction to outrage, peevishness, and even depression.

An individual may perceive something that has "set off" a move in their state of mind, for example, an unpleasant occasion at work. But on the other hand it's normal for mood swings to happen without an undeniable reason. Individuals may encounter these adjustments in mind-set through the span of a day or even inside several hours.

 It's not unexpected to have days where you feel pitiful or days when you're thrilled. For whatever length of time that your state of mind changes doesn’t meddle with your life to an extraordinary degree, they're commonly viewed as solid.

 Then again, you may have an ailment in the event that you change from incredibly glad to amazingly discourage all the time. On the off chance that you have genuine and visit mood swings, you should enlighten your primary care physician concerning them. They can talk about the potential purposes behind for what reason you're encountering them.

 A few reasons for fast changes in conduct can be identified with emotional well-being, hormones, substance use, or other wellbeing conditions. Mood Swings can be a challenge to manage, particularly on the off chance that they meddle with your everyday life, school or work, and your connections. Changes in disposition that are continuous and extreme ought to be talked about with your primary care physician, as you should make sense of the hidden medicinal or potentially emotional well-being cause before you can adequately treat them.

Prescriptions called state of mind stabilizers, psychotherapy or advising, and mediations, for example, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) might be useful if a hidden dysfunctional behavior is causing emotional episodes or exacerbating them

 If your good and bad times aren't influencing different parts of your life adversely, you might have the option to work through your emotional episodes without restorative consideration. You may have the option to manage your states of mind on the off chance that you do the following:

 Keep a timetable. Attempt to make an everyday practice for yourself, particularly with regards to eating and resting.

Exercise consistently. Practicing normally has various advantages for almost all parts of your wellbeing, including temperament.

Get adequate rest. A decent night's rest is significant and lack of sleep can influence your mind-set.

Eat a solid eating regimen. A reasonable, solid eating routine can improve your state of mind and keep you sound. Here are a few hints to adhering to a solid eating regimen.

Practice unwinding. Participate in quieting practices like yoga or reflection.

Keep away from pressure. More difficult than one might expect, isn't that so? In the event that you can't maintain a strategic distance from it, plan to oversee and assuage worry as it comes.

Convey what needs be. Locate an inventive outlet to convey what needs be.

Work it out. Discover somebody to converse with, for example, a companion, relative, or expert instructor.

 Remember that emotional episodes can shift in seriousness. Encountering a scope of feelings is a piece of life. You may need to modify your way of life to return to feeling ordinary in the event that you experience periodic emotional episodes.

 You should take emotional episodes that adjust your conduct and contrarily sway your life or people around you truly. Contact your primary care physician in the event that you feel that emotional episodes have assumed control over your everyday life or in the event that you've been feeling unwell for an all-inclusive timeframe. These could be manifestations of a wellbeing condition.

B.) BREAKDOWNS

 Breakdowns are term describing emotional or physical stress that temporarily makes someone unable to function in day-to-day life. Nowadays, teenagers are mostly the one who experience breakdowns. Knowing breakdown and knowing what are the causes are important, so we are aware if we’re experiencing it and to avoid having it. I already experienced having a breakdown and its really tough to overcome breakdowns because you are emotionally, as well as physically tired of doing something. Just like in a meal, you  loss your appetite, You felt that you have no reason to live and no one supports you.  So we should focus to this one.

Causes: Expectations and Standards, stress, Heart aches, failures, negative thoughts, Toxic People/Surroundings.

Symptoms: Feeling anxious, depressed, tearful, or continuously irritable, Withdrawing or avoiding normal social situations, Unhealthy eating and hygiene, Difficulty focusing or remembering, Lacks of motivation and interest in things

 Treatment and Prevention: Spend some time alone, be aware of breakdowns, know what causes you to have breakdowns, reduce sources of stress, such as conflicts at home, workplace, doing exercises and yoga, talking with friends, family, partners about troublesome feelings.

 Let us be aware of breakdowns and learn that everything has a purpose. Do not focus on the things that will make you lose your passion such as standards and expectations of others and keep yourself distant to toxic people and surround yourself with the person who really care about you.

C.) SHORT TEMPER

Short temper is an instantaneous display of anger. The ideal solution is not to control anger, but to be rid of Anger.

The problem with us is not our tempers, but the underlying anger in us. There are thousands of tips you will find online which will say things like:

Whenever you get angry, the first thing you should do is close your eyes and take deep breaths for a while.

Keep a watch on your current anger level and when you sense that you're about to lose your temper, do something to distract yourself and improve your mood, like making a joke to break the tension or remembering a happy memory.

The above suggestions are like using a band-aid to cover a gaping wound. It will give relief, but only temporarily.

   What Causes Anger? A leading cause of anger is a person’s environment. Stress, financial issues, abuse, poor social or familial situations, and overwhelming requirements on your time and energy can all contribute to the formation of anger. As with disorders such as alcoholism, anger issues may be more prevalent in individuals who were raised by parents with the same disorder. Genetics and your body’s ability to deal with certain chemicals and hormones also play a role in how you deal with anger; if your brain doesn’t react normally to serotonin, you might find it more difficult to manage your emotions.

 Emotional Symptoms of Anger-Related Problems

 You might think the emotional symptoms of anger-related problem are limited to anger, but a number of emotional states could indicate that you are failing to deal with anger in a positive and healthy fashion. Constant irritability, rage and anxiety are possible emotional symptoms.

 If you feel overwhelmed, have trouble organizing or managing your thoughts or fantasize about hurting yourself or others, you could be experiencing an anger disorder or another issue. Don’t wait for these emotions to take control of your life; maintain control by calling our hotline today at. Representatives are available to listen and offer advice 24/7.

  Physical Symptoms of Anger-Related Problems

headache, Pressure in head, Fatigue, Pressure in sinus cavities, Heart palpitations, Tightening of chest, Increased blood pressure, Tingling

Strong emotions often bring about physical changes to the body, and anger is no exception. Letting anger issues go unaddressed can put your overall health at risk.

10 anger management tips:

Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework.". Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

D.) Low-Self Esteem

Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent. They tend to be hypersensitive and have a fragile sense of self that can easily be wounded by others. Low self -esteem is simply how you feel about yourself and how you judge your worth. This evaluation has a profound impact on the choices you make since it determines, to a great extent, what you consider yourself capable and worthy of doing.

People with low self-esteem – who feel poorly about themselves and judge themselves to be inferior to others – are at risk, then, of not fulfilling their true potential in life. They may not take the initiative to set and pursue personal goals; they may not put any effort into their education or careers; they may accept poor treatment from family, friends and romantic partners. This has been linked to a number of negative behaviors among teens, including:

Poor academic performance, teen pregnancy, dropping out of school, earlier sexual activity, criminal behavior, alcohol and drug abuse, cutting, disordered eating.

Low self-esteem is more than an unpleasant feeling. It takes a toll on our lives. This are the causes of low self-esteem:

Uninvolved/Negligent Parents, Negative Peers, Trauma, Body Image, Unrealistic Goals, Previous Bad Choices, Negative Thought Patterns.

 This causes leads to different negative effects of low self -esteem some of this are:

 Negative feelings, Obsession with perfection, Lowered resilience, Lack of self-care, Struggling relationships, Being a “people pleaser” and believing you are powerless to change anything.

In our generation nowadays most of us is conscious of what other people might think of us. Because of this our confidence are affected and we are afraid of showing our real personality, identity and self to others. As a teenager sometimesI don’t what to show what I really feel because I’m afraid that the people around me might say something about it , also I’m afraid of taking risk because I always think what if this one fails and turns out to have a negative effect what will I do? How will I explain it to the people around me? How will I face all of their discriminations and judgements. But as time goes by I learned how to overcome it by accepting the results of the decisions I make. Here are some ways to overcome low self -esteem:

Live in the moment,develop awareness, be non-judgmental, stay connected to yourself, practice mindful meditation, participate in your own life, let go, and Show compassion toward yourself

And always remember “We are each gifted in a unique and important way.It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.”

   As a teenager we are facing a lot of challenges. This leads us to different emotional problems that become a reason of some serious health and mental illness. But we should always put our mind that us a youth we have the freedom to just do what we want and what makes us happy. It is our decision to make whether we want to see a certain situation as negative or positive. Don’t let other people dictate you on what you should do, be your own voice towards happiness and peace. Always remember that each one of us is loved and cherished by our own families don’t ever compare yourself to others.

 Always remind yourself are special, surround yourself with people who brings color to your life and not the one who destroy you as a person. Take care of yourself always. Be fruitful and grow where you have planted. There is a purpose in everything, and that’s for you to be a better version of yourself,

   SOCIAL

 What is social issues? Social issue is a problem with a particular place or group of people in the world.  There are a lot of social problems around us, for example the lack of confidence, many people lack confidence because they don’t believe on what they can do and they don’t believe in themselves, they are afraid of what people may think about them, they are afraid to be judged. Some people are naturally born with introversion, maybe they inherit it to their parents, others may just don’t want to socialize because they think that others may just make fun of them and they can’t appreciate them, the way they want to be appreciated. While, shyness is another example of social issues, shyness is a characteristic of people who have low self-esteem. They’re shy to share what’s running through their mind. Shyness is like lack of confidence, they tend to feel weak, they’re shy to show what they really feel.

A.)  SHYNESS

Shyness can be an awkward, self-conscious, anxious, shy, and insecure feeling. Often people who feel shy in situations may experience physical sensations like blushing, feeling weak, forgetting speech, or shortness of breath or rapid breathing. If people feel shy, they tend to hesitate to say or do something because they feel uncertain about themselves or about themselves.

There are a lot of ways to overcome shyness, first, Start practicing interacting and sharing or telling jokes or stories at any moment. In all areas of your life be more talkative and articulate. You should practice communicating, more freely, whether you're at home, with family, cousins and friends. Let's hear your voice and thoughts. Second, Part of overcoming shyness is about building trust in several areas of your life and not allowing you to get in the way of anxiety, fear of failure, fear of rejection or fear of embarrassment. You overcome the fear of the unknown by doing new activities and learn to handle your anxiety more effectively. Last, Learn how to earn confidence comes by experience, training, practice, and mastery. When you learned how to ride a bicycle, remember? At first it was scary, but you just walked for it and tried it, you got it, and you felt confident. Social confidence works in the same way.

B.) LACK OF CONFIDENCE

Having a lack of confidence is like losing more opportunities in life we must overcome this type of trait that has a big impact to every individual especially to those students. Feeling certain of success even when your knowledge suggests you might felt to fail. Even if you’re extremely skilled and talented, a lack of self-confidence can prevent you from performing at your best in pressure situations. For example, if you work in sales, it’s one thing to read a book and learn and understand some new sales techniques, but it’s a very different challenge to actually go out and apply those techniques when face-to-face with a prospect. The major limiting factor often isn’t a lack of knowledge or practice but rather the limiting belief that you can’t expect to perform well the first few times a self-fulfilling prophecy. Public speaking is a great example. Many people have the knowledge and skill to write a speech that an audience would enjoy, and when practiced in private, they may even do a decent job. But put them in front of an audience or even just suggest the idea and they quickly succumb to feelings of self-doubt and worry. However, if you take such people to a stage hypnosis show and they’re hypnotized, they’ll get up on stage and perform wonderfully with no fear at all, even with no rehearsal or prepared material. Being under hypnosis doesn’t magically bestow any new skills, but it can put people into a state where they have full and unrestricted access to their best internal resources. What new endeavors might you be able to take on if you were hypnotized to belief with absolute certainty that you would succeed at them? You may currently believe that confidence is the result of a history of success. While a history of success can certainly increase your confidence, you don’t actually need that history to feel confident. Confidence is a feeling of certainty, a natural inner resource that can be summoned whenever you want it. The key to feeling confident lies in a quote from Albert Einstein: “Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.” Even when your knowledge tells you to expect failure, you have the ability to consciously direct your imagination to override that impulse and feel certain of success anyway. Confidence is not panacea. But being able to make yourself feel certain of success can give you massive edge in many endeavors. And a lack of confidence can put you into the decrepit state where even though you have the intellectual resources to succeed, you don't even make the attempt.

 B.)  INTROVERSION

Every person has their own identity, each of us has our own personality. We all encounter problems, we all experience pain and we all fall and rise again. Who we are now is how we coped up with our problems from before. Pain changes us, experiences makes us realize that some people can become strangers.

  Sometimes in our life, we seem to give up, but there will always be someone else who will make our lives worthy. Afterwards, people will leave again. But why? Life is a cycle, where one can't not change. We will be friends to someone then later on we'll get attached and they'll leave, leave us hanging and we will wondered why. Why do people leave? Why do I need to feel pain? All our why 's will never be answered because no one is there to answer. In all our problems in life, we all get tired, to the point where we don't want to meet new people anymore. You don't want to please these people just for them to stay. You don't want people to hurt you again. People will leave because they'll get tired on us, and yet we are expected not to. Each people who have left us in pain was the person we truly value but ended up fading away. They are the ones that makes us special even in a while. When we fall down, we got no one but ourselves. We will stand up and fix ourselves alone.

 Pain makes us stronger, and makes us realize that at the end of the day, we'll be alone. You can be alone but not happy, otherwise you can be happy even though you're alone. Being happy is a choice. Why meet new people if in the end of the day, they'll just leave us pain? Why beg people to stay if they're just going to leave us for someone better? Why fix others if they can fix themselves? Why do you need others if you can fix yourself . Someone said no man is an island, but an island on it's own can be happy. If an island is resourceful, it will be a happiness for itself. If you, on your own, can do such things alone without anyone involved, you can be happy. Having barriers with people is not a bad thing, it's just you've learned from your past and you don't want others to hurt you again.

  It's not bad if you let other people come into your life, but you must limit yourself from them, from pain. In case they leave, you can stand up on your own. In case they replace you, you can accept and it won't bother you. In case they'll be happy with others, you won't need anyone, because you have yourself. Be like the moon, who can be happy on its own and can be happy even though darkness surrounds it. You will never know the true meaning of love, if you can't love yourself. Self-love is the most important and most irreplaceable thing without needing someone. If you truly accept your flaws and imperfections, you will never get hurt by others. Everything in this world has ending and limitations. Everyone can give us pain and everyone can be an unforgettable person. But you, by your own, must limits yourself from people. Not because you're afraid but because you learned and you know your worth. You will not settle for less, because you know what you deserve. When people hurt you for the first time, it's their choice, but when people hurt you again, it's your choice because you let them in again.

 We encounter different problems in our lives but there are so many ways to cope up with it. Problems is just a test to strengthen us however it will also teach us a lesson. We meet different people, we always socialize so we must conquer all our fears for us to have a good relationship with them. It might have a gap or barrier but you know how to communicate so you will not left behind and you will also know how to limit yourself from people. Meeting different kinds of people taught us how to know the good and bad, the real and fake and the one who'll stay and not. We learn on communicating different kinds of people and we also understand how to know them well. We must not push people away from us, if you know that they're not good for you, just limit yourself but never push them away. However if some people are good for you but they're keep on leaving you, never push yourself to them. Learn how to let go and how to hold on. Let go to those people who've cause  you pain and hold on for those person who've never leave you and will always be there for you.

Economical

 The society has a lot of struggles, thus we call it economical struggles, but some of these struggles are stuff we don’t take much time to think of in our daily lives. This blog will help us  learn others struggles and their solution

 A.) Hard Choices: Needs VS Wants

When thinking of the most basic steps in saving money, we must learn the difference of needs and wants.  Sometimes, the painful lesson of realizing that even though we really want something we don't actually need it!

 Our needs are the things we must have to sustain us day to day: food, shelter, clothing, personal care items, and in most cases safe, reliable transportation. While,   wants are something you would like to have but do not need, a new car, expanded cable or a new pair of shoes.

 But even within the needs category, the lines can blur. We must have food every day, but we don’t need to dine out to get it. We must be fully clothed to go out in public, but we don’t need the latest fashions just to be ‘in’.

 Personally as a teenager, I need to admit that most of the time I always choose my wants, I already have shoes but I always want something new, I can eat in a local canteen but I chose to eat fast food. These are only a few examples of the choices millennial people. We’ve become a culture of want, addicted to the rush of newness and convinced it’s the road to happiness.

 We are so fond of following the trends we see in social media or anywhere that sometimes we take our budget for granted, people don’t know how to be contented on what they have. Their phone is still working but seeing the new model makes them think they need a new one, our parents cooks our meals but we chose to eat fast food, to think that many of the things we want can sometimes be bad for us like fast food and expensive things because people will be in debt. Contentment is the only thing we should have to distinguish what we need in order to live, but what are the ways to find contentment?

 First, you should look around and evaluate everything you already have. Chances are you’re far exceeding your basic needs in almost every area. Second, avoid advertisements as much as possible by unsubscribing from retailers’ promotional emails, recording television shows and skipping through commercials, and carefully choosing the online content you consume. Break the habit of going digital ‘window shopping’ when you’re bored. Third, practice the One-In-One-Out rule, it simply means that any time you bring a new item into your home, you must get rid of one that’s the same or similar. So, new pair of shoes, old pair of shoes out. New baseball cap in, old baseball cap out. Forth, appreciate what you have, When you find things that you want to buy or do that you currently can't afford, it becomes all too easy to focus on those things to the point of overlooking what you already have, we should be thankful for being fortunate to own such things because not anyone can have what we have and stop wanting more because something is better than nothing.

 “Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.” —Socrates

There were many reasons we chose to become minimalist and simplify our lives. Contentment is the lifeblood of minimalism. And without it, the journey towards minimalism is short-lived. Discontent will always rear its ugly head and become a great obstacle to fully thriving in a simple life. So let’s be contented and appreciate everything we have right now

B.) Education: Needs Vs. Wants

 Money is something that is hard to earn but easy to spend. It is a necessity  since we use it for education, transportation and other daily expenses. People have been using it for many expenses resulting to shortage of money.

 Education takes up a long time to finish. Some people say that money is not necessarily needed in order to finish your studies as long you have perseverance, determination, goals and etc. But no, it is wrong. There are times that everyone must acquire money for school. Students who live far from their school must have money for their transportation whether it is for jeepney, bus or train. Students who doesn't have time to prepare their packed lunch must have money to buy food. In order for students to pass, group or individual projects must be completed and school events that should be participated for additional grades. Students from public or private school, both requires financial support.

 Everybody has a right to study. That is why parents must be responsible to support their children's education. They should plan ahead of time and save up to avoid such struggles. Parents must avoid depending on debts. They should also avoid having bad habits like smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol often and buying unnecessary things. It is relevant to consult trusted banks for better secured savings. They should make a habit of packing lunch for their children instead of giving them money daily. It would be important for parents to teach their children about saving money so that when the time comes they know how to limit spending the money.

C.) Budgeting: Needs Vs. Wants

Budgeting is the act of saving ones money in order to prioritize the things that a person or a group of people should buy. Budgeting could be in the form of listing (writing, typing, mental writing of a list) or making your mentality “I shouldn’t buy my wants because I need to buy my needs”.

 A personal experience I could share about Budgeting is; When I was an elementary student, I used to have budgeting problems because of the lack of guidance I got. I use to spend tons and tons of my money on my wants. However, there came a time that I really wanted something and my parents asked what had happened to the money they told me to keep. I hadn’t gotten that thing I wanted, and so from then on I started budgeting more, always prioritizing and mentally making a list of things I need and I don’t need, always having reserved money at my back pocket and  always scattering my money in case of emergency.

 The solution I can suggest for those that think budgeting is hard, would be: a.) plan your money on a weekly basis rather than daily. Ask for you allowance for the week rather than for the day, or save up on the previous week so you don’t use this weeks allowance. B.) Always keep in mind that there is gonna be something more valuable that you are gonna need so always leave a big amount of money in your savings. C.) even if your allowance or money is only for the day, try thinking that it’s for 3 days. It helps with the “I’ll buy this next time” mentality.

 I hope this blog post helped on improving your economic skills. I hope to see you be more of a budgeter than I am. Thank you for your time reading this!

[queenpersephonesgarden]

Whumptober Day 27

Prompt: “I can’t walk” Fandom: Young Justice Characters: Bart Allen, Wally West Words: 2407 Warnings: graphic injury, more than canon typical violence

The strange, geometrically structured hallways of the Reach’s central Earth base tended to twist in on themselves and loop around until you were right back where you started when you first entered the building if you weren’t paying very close attention to your surroundings.

Bart had been paying very close attention for the past thirty minutes, but it was pretty clear to him that if he hadn’t had Helena’s voice calmly chattering in his ear, he would have been lost five minutes into his trek.

“I think I finally found the elevator that should have been on the east side,” he whispered quietly into his comm, cautiously using one hand to phase through and break the activation panel beside the only door in the hallway that didn’t line up perfectly with a corresponding one on the opposite wall. Sure enough, as it slid open, he could very clearly see an open, empty shaft that went far off into darkness both above and below him. The abyss yawned below him, the occasional flicker of light from a wall circuit doing nothing to stop the unease pooling in his gut.

He’d found it, but it had taken an extra twenty minutes the Outlaws didn’t technically have. Things would have been a lot simpler if the Reach could design their bases less like giant hives and more like actual buildings.

But there would be time for complaining about mazes later.

“Good work. Doctor Light and Nightwing are in position along with Red Hood and Red Arrow,” Helena told him, sounding far calmer than Bart himself felt. His pseudo-sister’s training as Robin still served her well, nearly a decade after she’d been forced to leave the name behind. Bart heard her type a few keys on a holographic keyboard, and the display in his goggles zoomed in on the not-very-accurate minimap he’d been following since he’d arrived. The small, flickering signal he’d been searching for briefly lit a point on the map green instead of red. “Flash’s signal seems to be coming from about thirteen floors below you. You’ll have to be extremely careful; if that was the floor where they’ve been holding him, then it’s likely they have traps specifically designed for speedsters down there. Go slow, and keep an eye out for anything.”

Bart grimaced at the thought of going even slower than he already was, but didn’t try to protest. He’d seen what the Reach was capable of when they wanted to restrain a metahuman, and he wasn’t exactly eager to experience that himself. “Sure thing, boss. Anything else?”

He readied the small grappling hook stashed in one of his hidden cupboards as Helena sighed quietly. “You’ll be going pretty deep underground, so it’s very likely our comms won’t reach each other until you come back up. If you do need help, hit your emergency signal and get as high up as you can. Don’t worry; I’ll be heading to the main cellblock with Arsenal, so it shouldn’t take me long to get there.”

Bart couldn’t quite help a smile, even as he prepared to descend directly into the belly of the beast. “I know you’ve always got my back, so why would I be worried?”

The surprised chuckle he heard just made his smile grow wider. “Just try not to die before I get there, okay?” Helena’s voice took on a softer tone. “Good luck, Bart.”

“I’ll certainly try to find some,” Bart said with false cheer. Some good luck would be really nice right about now; he hadn’t had nearly enough of it, lately. “You be careful too.”

With that final farewell, Bart deployed the grapple and jumped into the void, rappelling down into the darkness of the Reach base.

-

This is not the first time he’s ever seen the deeper parts of an alien hive.

Many of the human labor force captured and used by the Reach to collect scrap and haphazardly throw together some semblance of working technology that could be useful to the Empire had been forced to carry their meager offerings from the camps all the way into the nearest mining colony, sometimes miles away from where they lived and often so quickly they collapsed on emaciated legs before they could even get there and back to where they were relatively safe.

Bart has been in and out of colonies and camps since he was nine years old, but the sheer size and complexity of this base is almost overwhelming. He’s never been on one of the science floors before, never seen the terrifying instruments of torture and dissection he’s catching glimpses of through broken doors and cracked windows, and the shapes of them in the gloom are making the hair on his neck stand on end.

His comm signal had fizzled out like Helena said it might, but his goggles’ HUD is still working, pinging helpfully off of disabled cameras and giving the already darker, dimly lit corridors some nice, eerie lighting to go along with the shattered security droids and debris littered throughout.

Not a cozy place, by any stretch of the imagination.

It looked as if some sort of hurricane had swept through.

It looked, Bart noted grimly, like a rather angry speedster had ripped through here. He’s never met Wally or his children before, but Bart knows Jai is capable of super-strength when he diverts his speedforce connection into growing the muscles in his arms rather than distributing it throughout his entire body. Bart doesn’t know if Wally or Irey are capable of the same thing, but as he watches the remains of one drone spark and fizzle spastically, he starts to think that might just be the case.

“Aw, geez. Helena’s family is scary. Maybe that’s where she gets it from?” He can’t quite keep from running his mouth, even down here in a potentially life-threatening situation. Damian would probably scold him for that if he could hear him.

The sharp crash of glass hitting the ground makes Bart zoom to one side of the hall, ducking into an empty doorframe. It’s incredibly thin, not proper cover at all, but it’s all he has at the moment.

He peeks around it, tense like spring, ready for anything to appear out of the darkness, but nothing comes charging out into the open, no new security bots start flooding the corridor.

The sound of glass sliding across metal, and a weak, muffled voice; cursing in English, not the strange, inhuman clicking of the Reach.

Wally, or Jai or Irey? Another Reach prisoner, also used for experimentation? Or a trap?

The haunted atmosphere of this lab is already making Bart paranoid, but his training with Damian is giving him even more of an edge than normal. His stomach churns in protest, but he heads forward anyway. Waiting around in enemy territory never tended to end well, in Bart’s experience.

He tiptoes carefully up toward the door the voice seems to be echoing out of and freezes at the corner, staring into the room.

His eyes slowly trail their way across the ruined walls and filthy ground before he spins around and promptly empties his stomach onto the ground.

It’s a damn massacre.

Remains of Reach droids and scientists alike are scattered across the metal floor in a macabre amalgamation of bluish gore and gears, bits of heads and legs suggesting that something had blown straight through their torsos too fast for them to react. The bizarre alien blood was making several of the droids spark weakly in the low light, casting odd shadows across the horrific display.

Several tables, filled with what once had likely been human bodies, now held nothing more than what could only be described as actual organs, some of them pulsating grotesquely where they were attached to some huge, otherworldly medical instruments.

And a single remaining intact humanoid body, slumped next to a table, breathing heavily and covered in a lot of blood.

Bart heaves once, twice, then clamps his mouth shut and swallows the bile down, tears pricking his eyes and body shaking.

He has a job to do, and he’s running out of time to do it.

God, he hates this. He wants to go home.

He shoves the childish thought aside and straightens back up again.

Bart enters the room quickly, forces himself to walk carefully over broken remains of alien bones and metal casings, tries not to think of what could be squishing underneath his feet, definitely does not let himself look at the lazily pulsing sacks on the tables as he approached the figure that isn’t as familiar as it should be.

Wally West is even paler than he was in all of Linda’s pictures, hair cropped much shorter and shot through with more gray than red. Worry lines have been etched into his face, scars just barely visible beneath the Reach clothing he’d apparently found trailing all the way down his throat and across the left half of his face, burns and incision marks that made him nearly unrecognizable and his left eye cloudy white rather than green. Shoulders that had once been broad were now bent inward by some invisible weight, a body that had once been lithe and agile now thin and emaciated far beyond healthy for a speedster with an accelerated metabolism.

He's slumped half over on his side, shoulders heaving with breath and one arm pressed hard to his waist, where Bart can see a deep red stain spreading lazily across the jumpsuit he’s wearing, slowly overtaking the blue blood of the Reach scientists, and Bart swallows hard.

This is a man about five minutes after an incredibly violent episode, injured and seemingly unaware of his presence to boot. He’s only seen a small handful of people brought back from the Reach’s science division, and none of them had been anything close to this level of powerful and dangerous.

He couldn’t afford to fuck this up.

Deep breath in, out. Once more, and again, the way Helena taught him.

Bart spots a sizable piece of glass on the floor and takes a heavy, deliberate step onto it.

The crunch that announced his arrival made Wally snap to attention, head coming up to glare straight at Bart from his hunched position, and Bart froze completely, hands open at his sides, trying not to let his terror show.

It’s been a while since Wally was back home with the rest of the Outlaws, and the light in the room is flickering and near useless; will the man even recognize the modified Kid Flash uniform in the gloom?

But he apparently didn’t need to worry; Wally blinks his eyes hard several times, scanning Bart from head to toe, evidently recognizing him as a nonthreat and slumping a little more to the side with a long, pained sigh.

“Wassup, Kid?” Wally asks, daring a bloody little grin, and Bart is so surprised he can’t answer for a second. He wasn’t quite sure if the man would lucid or coherent in the state he’s in, but apparently the older speedster’s accelerated healing is doing at least something to help his addled brain.

Bart still approached slowly, watching for any sudden movements, but he needn’t have bothered. Wally’s arm stays fixed firmly around his bleeding middle, and he doesn’t move to sit up until Bart is already beside him, hissing quietly in pain as his wound moves with him.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Bart says in as steady a voice as he can manage, and he means it, because as strung out and crazy as this man is right now, he’s been an inspiration to Bart since he was little and he doesn’t know what else he can say to a guy who singlehandedly ripped through an entire Reach lab. “Why weren’t you in the main cellblock? That’s where we were supposed to meet, right?”

Wally shakes his head too fast, listing a bit awkwardly to the side again when he apparently gave up on sitting straight. “Thought I could find Jai,” he slurred slowly, shakes his head again.

Bart feels something cold sink into his stomach. He doesn’t dare take a glance at the human remains displayed on the table above Wally’s head, and his hands don’t start shaking again when he reaches helplessly to press against the wound in his abdomen.

“Here.” A hand, slick with red red red, rises slowly so Bart can see what it’s holding in trembling fingers. A data card, like one of the fancy ones Roy had been looking for recently, some sort of super-secret Reach project that was going to change the tide of the war or something.

Bart barely spares it a glance, too focused on trying to stem the flow of blood because hell, what else can he do, but Wally practically shoves it under his nose with an impatient sound. “You gotta take this and go, Kid. Someone’s… probably noticed the cameras by now,” Wally’s voice is thready and breathless, but still holds as much authority as Damian’s does when giving Bart a direct order.

And that’s stupid, what the hell?

“I’m not leaving you here, dude! Helena would kick my ass if I let her grandpa kick the bucket in a place like this!” He tries to sound as convincing as he can, but he can tell by the old man’s face it’s not working. “Come on, we can still make it to the rendezvous point if we hurry-!”

“I can’t…… can’t walk, Kid,” Wally interrupts, and Bart’s limbs feel numb when the data card is clumsily slipped into one hand. He clutches onto it reflexively and looks down at the blood coating it, ears buzzing. “You gotta go.”

He should argue. He should tell him to hell with that, tell him Linda and Helena were waiting for him, tell him Damian had the schematics for the Reach warship hovering over Earth, tell him they finally had a chance in this war, tell him there’s finally something to fight for again.

There’s a lot of things he should say, but Wally’s eyes blink shut a little too long before the right one opens again, glazed over and unseeing, and he shakes his head one more time. “Run, kid,” Wally murmurs, before leaning back against the table holding what’s left of his son.

Bart turns and flees, because what the hell else can he do?

[fullmetalirin]

Fullmetal Alchemist OG vs. Brotherhood: Marcoh’s Notes (OG 18-19, BH 07)

We prepare for the Fifth Laboratory.

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 18: "Marcoh's Notes"

In the state library, Lust searches for Marcoh's research before encountering Scar, in which she reminds him of a previous acquaintance. He realizes that Lust and Gluttony are homunculi as the library is sent ablaze from their attack. The Elrics meet Sergeant Denny Brosh and 2nd Lt. Ross Ross, their new bodyguards, not long before their find the first branch of the state library burned to the ground. The Elrics go on a exhaustive search to find other sources for the book, leading them to Sheska, a file clerk who formerly worked at the library before being fired for reading all the time. Sheska reveals that she has memorized all of Marcoh's works, and then makes handwritten duplicates for the Elric brothers. The writing is written in a code created by Marcoh, though resembling that of a cookbook. The brothers attempt to decipher the hidden data for several days, only to discover that producing the philosopher's stone requires human lives.

Quick flashback to human Lust when Scar sees her.

Lust has a quick reaction of surprise when she sees Scar.

Gluttony's face actually looks messy; there's blood between the teeth.

Lust says she needs Ed to complete the Philosopher's Stone.

There's another gag with Brosh and Ross mistaking Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist. Ed just says he's used to it this time. I love it when running gags evolve like that.

Scar is back in Central. How is he getting around so quickly? Don't the trains go through checkpoints?

Al apologizes to Ross for Ed's behavior.

So Mustang's headed back to Central? This constant back-and-forth is pretty silly. I don't like it when characters keep teleporting around to be wherever the plot is.

Ed remembers Sheska from when he saw her in episode 7. Good memory!

Ed has the gloom cloud effect when he finds out the journal was lost. I don't think it's appropriate to the seriousness of the scene.

Ed tries to use alchemy to reconstruct all the books, and there's a comedy bit where the wind blows them all away. Shouldn't he have tried to do that at the beginning, if that were possible? It's pretty selfish of him to only care about the part of a library that's important to him. I'm also not sure if alchemy could actually accomplish that; their original contents shouldn't be magically saved to the ashes, if he doesn't know what they originally were he shouldn't be able to reconstruct them.

Ed pays Sheska for replicating the journal.

Ross tries to stop them from going to the library, saying that they can't guard them there.

Oh, Al says Sheska should be proud of her memory...

Ross brings up the Elrics are still children.

We flash back to Scar's fight. Gluttony gets a HUGE headsplosion blood spurt, but it doesn't even slow him down. (Also, as usual, the skull isn't visibly damaged.) He crushes Scar so tightly he spits blood, but Scar destroys his arm to escape.

Lust cuts the area around Scar with wide swipes instead of just impaling him. Why?

Scar name-drops homunculi for the first time in the series, I think.

Still no confirmation that they actually killed Marcoh. Are we just left to assume that, or is it stated explicitly later?

Fullmetal Alchemist Episode 19: "The Truth Behind Truths"

Horrified by the key ingredient in making the philosopher's stone, the Elrics nearly give up their quest. However, Ross inspires them to continue. A hidden piece of information reveals an unused laboratory next to a prison where raw materials for the stone were gathered. Ignoring the orders of Brosh and Ross, they sneak out to investigate the laboratory themselves. Scar attacks the dormitories and gathers that the brothers have traveled to the fifth laboratory before pursuing them. Ed enters the building via an air duct, triggering several traps before finally meeting the security guard named Number 48. Outside, Al is ambushed by another security guard named Number 66.

Ed specifically mentions just how many people are needed to make a Philosopher's Stone. Ah, but shouldn't one life equal one life, if it's equivalent exchange?

Al invokes sunk cost fallacy: Ed's been made a dog of the military and sacrificed so much for this, so he shouldn't give up now, right?

Ed throws a cup at Al in anger and looks disgusted with himself afterwards.

Ross tries to push them to keep going too. Whyyy. She calls him a child, and says he doesn't want to accept that it all might be for nothing.

The brothers decide they want to "see it through to the end", but… they've already seen where the end leads. What are they trying to accomplish, exactly?

Ed deduces they were feeding prisoners to the 5th laboratory. Clever.

Hughes is abusing Sheska. Okay then.

Ed uses his automail limbs to work the barbed wire into a rope for Al. I guess he's worried using alchemy would be too visible?

Scar's arm reacts to Marcoh's notes and… absorbs them? That's really weird.

Scar knows where Ed went because Ed circled the 5th laboratory on the map. Nice use of detail.

Scar once again dodges bullets while in midair, and is also uninjured by breaking through a second-story window.

Cut to the homunculi plotting somewhere. Envy says Liore has been "dealt with" by removing everyone who "knows too much". About what, Cornello's Stone?

Envy wants to kill Ed before he leaks the info to the military. But… I thought the military already knew about this? They're acting like they don't control the entire government.

Comedy when Ed admonishes himself for thinking it's a good thing he's small. Seems kinda weird to me.

More comedy where Ed keeps triggering the traps.

If the homunculi want Ed to make it through, shouldn't they have disabled the traps? It's really not clear what they're trying to do.

It's only after dodging the boulder that Ed thinks to use alchemy to disable to traps?

Oh, Greed is here?

Ed's shoulder is loose because Winry forgot a screw.

FMA Brotherhood Episode 7: "Hidden Truths"

Edward and Alphonse arrive back in Central, only to find that the first branch of the state library, where Marcoh's research was stored, has been burned to the ground. Scar encounters and battles Lust and Gluttony in the sewers, resulting in a large explosion. Edward and Alphonse's new escorts, Denny Brosh and Ross Ross, direct them to Sheska, a file clerk who had worked at the first branch of the state library, but was fired for spending her time reading. Sheska reveals that she has an eidetic memory and memorized all of Marcoh's research and then makes handwritten duplicates for the Elric brothers. While initially appearing to be a cookbook, Edward notices that it is written in a code that Marcoh created. Edward and Alphonse spend several days deciphering the hidden data, only to discover that the philosopher's stone is made by sacrificing living humans. Edward asks Brosh and Ross to keep it a secret, but Armstrong learns about it using intimidation. Edward notices another hidden piece of information, locating an unused laboratory next to a prison, where "raw materials" for the stone were gathered. Armstrong tells the Elric brothers to stay put, but they both manage to sneak out to the fifth laboratory. Edward enters the building via an air duct, while Alphonse waits outside, unaware that he is being watched by a menacing figure.

We open with Scar battling the homunculi, but he's still in the sewers since we didn't have all that stuff about him going back and forth from Central. He doesn't headsplode Gluttony, but still tears off his arm. He does it fast enough he isn't injured. Lust charges him from behind and there's an explosion. Not sure how he got out of that one; Lust should have been able to kill him quite easily.

And of course we cut to Mustang. 9_9 He wants to solve the case so he'll get more political capital.

And wait, apparently we are in East City? Was Mustang there all along in this continuity? Keeping the details straight is confusing.

This is where Mustang gives his bit about planning to be Fuhrer. Nothing about miniskirts.

Ah, but we do get a weird bit about Mustang not being able to relax on dates until Scar is captured, complete with comedy anger mark.

We actually see Team Mustang investigating Scar's disappearance and the coat etc. instead of learning about it through phone call. In some ways this is better, since we see it more directly, but I don't think it's necessary – this is a minor enough detail that we can be told in exposition. And personally, I like having a story that actually focuses on a consistent protagonist instead of constantly going "Let's see what Mustang is doing!"

Lust and Gluttony discuss their plans in the middle of a crowd where surely at least one person overheard them? We also get our first mention of Father.

The Elrics are already investigating the library when Brosh and Ross show up.

No bit about them mistaking Al for the Fullmetal Alchemist.

We do get a comedy skit when Al's asked why he wears the armor, though. I don't think it's appropriate.

They're directed to Sheska to start with instead of Ed figuring it out. I liked that he had to figure it out; if they don't know she has photographic memory, they'd have no reason to assume they should be interviewing her instead of the library staff.

Sheska's house has actual bookshelves, and is more poorly lit. The books are drawn very differently, too.

No bit where more books fall on top of them when they try to dig Sheska out.

We get a full flashback sequence when Sheska gives her backstory. I actually like it, it helps us understand this new character better and the situation is lighthearted enough the over-the-top comedy is appropriate. The skit continues even when Ed asks her about Marcoh's notes, which I think is less appropriate.

No bit where Ed plans to reconstruct the library before learning about Sheska's memory, she just tells them immediately.

Cartoon skit where Ed is overjoyed at Sheska's ability. It's appropriate but still way too over-the-top for my liking, especially when we've already had a bunch this episode.

No timeskip, instant cut to Sheska having all the notes ready. She does mention it took five days as opposed to OG's three. I wonder the reason for the change?

Bit where Ed pays her is similar.

Ed explains that encrypting alchemy notes is a common practice.

We get actual details on some of the decoding they do, which I like.

Ed refuses to ask Marcoh because that would be admitting defeat. That's such a stupid reason. In OG, not only is he not available, Ed says he respects his desire to distance himself from his research.

Sheska visits the Elrics to say she moved her mother to a better hospital.

Cartoon skit when they ask her if she's gotten a job yet.

Al gives the same line about her memory being incredible, but it lacks personal significance since he's not worried about his own memories in this continuity.

Bross and Rosh are amazed that Ed can talk to Hughes so casually.

We get an extended montage of them decoding the notes.

Ed delivering the news about the sacrifices is more angry than horrified. Too over-the-top for my taste. He also sees no issue with telling Brosh and Ross directly… while the door is open, at that.

The scene with Ed moping is similar, but is missing a lot of bits. This is when he says there's something he wants to tell Al.

Brosh and Ross tell Armstrong about the secret. This is played for laughs in a cartoon skit. Ha ha, they betrayed Ed's trust by leaking a secret that the military could use to commit horrible atrocities! How funny. This is definitely very funny.

No scene where Ed plans to give up until given a pep talk.

Maria makes a cartoon face when Ed figures out they were feeding prisoners to the laboratory. Ha ha, atrocities are so funny!

Armstrong tells them not to investigate the laboratory, but doesn't give a reason.

The giveaway this time is that there's a guard posted outside the condemned building. Wow, they're stupid.

Ah, they do bring up using alchemy to tunnel in and say it'd give them away. Thank you.

Rest of the episode plays out similarly, but there's no traps or homunculi scene.

Scar doesn't show up at all, so the weird note-absorbing thing was all OG.

Conclusion

OG isn't putting up a very strong showing here. While I still think it was a good move to have an episode end on the sacrifice reveal, Brotherhood does actually feel like it has the better pacing here. Most of OG's additions feel dumb and unnecessary; it's pretty obvious the trap sequence was only added to buy time, which wouldn't be too bad if they didn't also add a scene establishing the homunculi are trying to keep Ed alive. Still, at least it adds that they were making some attempt to stop the guards from killing them; Brotherhood still has that plot hole, since they need Ed alive there too. We also get an explanation for how the library burned down; is that ever explained in Brotherhood? It honestly looks to me like the OG writers were trying to fix an already-holey plot, and just didn't quite succeed.

I also like that the brothers actually engage with the ramifications of their discovery in OG instead of just moping that life sucks for them. The resolution to it is… weird, though, given that it seems to be framed as positive and triumphant. The ending of the series will turn the screw on how morally abhorrent it is that Ed chooses to keep going at this point. I'm not sure what the writers were going for here. If they were trying to do something complex, or a fake-out, it's hard to read; I can't see anything that could imply Ed is wrong. I also have no idea what Ross' reasoning was. Maybe my translation is borked?

On representation: I'm struck by how much more important Ross is in OG. In Brotherhood she and Brosh are essentially just one character, the minor comedy duo. OG decided they needed to give one of them more screentime to fill space, and they picked the woman.