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#is this like. a reasonable and normal post to make i dont even know anymore
popsicle-stick · 11 months
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wanna make a folk costumes of britain zine sooo fuckign bad.........
#folk traditions/music/dance/costume in england in /particular/ are so deeply repressed & mocked and ignored /within/ england#i listened to an interesting podcast examining the english folk music tradition and#how we as english lost something of ourselves in the plundering of others for empire and the incessant rise of industrialisation#however. there is still so much there. so many interesting traditions. so much oral history. so many regional variations#and if you live here it's here for anyone and everyone to take. it's yours!!!!!#waiting for you to find it if you only look for it. if you want it#anyway this was spurred by reading some american say their family was english on both sides and thus had no culture to feel tied to#which made me so sad because it's not true at all. there is always big tescos. (joke)#but fr wym 'no english culture' what is my ultraspecific interest then. lol#there is of course also a very pervading connection of english folk tradition with whiteness which we must both examine and break#because what is a folk tradition if it becomes the preserve of a very narrow demographic? folk means people.#it's of the people and that's all of us here and we must make it open if people so choose to take it#however that is a tag essay for another day and for obvious reasons i can only word things clumsily and do not have the right perspective#anyway once again this was a very long tag essay on my very specific interests. apologies#what it means to be 'from england' with everything that entails is endlessly complex and i think abt it all the time#wow these tags are barely related to the post anymore#is this like. a reasonable and normal post to make i dont even know anymore
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rivilu · 8 months
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Hey hello can i be sad on main or will the heavens unleash 7 thousand ravenous hawks upon me
#river rambles#vent post#tw for basically everything bellow just saying it now#sorry the last 8 years of not a single reason to live are getting to me <3#i hate being alive i hate being trans I hate being autistic and not able to work like a normal person#to provide my transition to myself instead of having to rely on parents that kiind of support me? (dad) or are straight up pulling -#the 'you're making MEEE SUICIDAL!' card (mom)#i hate not being able to talk to people like a normal person#it's not even just the autism anymore i feel like i've been the worst version of me for such a long time i dont even know where to start#dysphoria is so fucking bad and getting worse every single day and any semblance of trans positivity winds up feeling toxic#like even body neutrality feels like an insult. im at a point where i want to tear myself apart just when i'm sitting still#i hate being told to wait for things to happen#the dreaded 'it'll get better'#it hasnt#it's been EIGHT. FUCKING. YEARS#nothing helps. i've exhausted every option within reach. no words of encouragement help at all#literally the only OPTION is to wait. and i've had! ENOUGH OF IT!#I've dreaded pride every year because it feels more and more like i'm living a lie being there. im not PROUD of being trans.#All i feel about it is misery. All the time. I hate my body so fucking much i cant do a single thing i want to do#most of my early years after figuring out im trans i tried to just ignore it and focus on pride about my sexuality#since i couln't transition then anyway#but as time went on and i became an adult and there's still not a single glimpse of light on the horizon. I can't focus on it anymore#because you know. those things are interconnected. So now i just feel like an unlovable piece of shit!#Like i will never be what i was meant to be. what i want to look like.#and i dont even want to try for any manner of relationship before that . because even if anyone DID like the current version of me#that's not even me#birth is a curse and existence is a prison etcetera
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cloudcountry · 2 months
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since you guys liked my idea so much here it is: WAYS THE NRC BOYS WOULD MAKE YOU WORSE
reader's personality is based more off of in-game yuu than anything? this set of hcs is a bunch of hypotheticals basically. this can be read as platonic or romantic idk each guy is written as if they are the closest person to you, friends or otherwise.
IF YOU SEE A TYPO NO YOU DONT
mentally preparing myself for the "i wouldnt do that!!!!!" comments...and post.
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Riddle increases your attentiveness to the rules tenfold. No matter how meek you are, he makes your voice strong—and oh boy does it carry. You’re yelling at people for running in the halls, chastising them for not doing their homework, and opening your mouth wider when you speak. For a school full of troublemakers like Night Raven, the entire student body is so disappointed there’s another Riddle.
Trey makes you more passive, less likely to speak up when you see something. He’s always stood back in the shadows, watching over everything without saying a word, and it’s seeped into your personality, too. You’re spineless now. This world is unfamiliar, why should you try to do anything? You’d only stand out. You don’t want to be outstanding. You want to be as normal as possible. So you stand back.
Cater gets you wrapped up in the hype of social media. It started out as a way to indulge his interests but now you’re on Magicam all day, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. You send things to your friends and say “hey, we should do this” but never make any actual effort to connect with them outside of that. You fall easier into jealousy because you’re surrounded by glamor.
Deuce makes you reckless. He’s so willing to throw himself into things and it spurs you to do the same, no matter how many times your teachers or potential upperclassmen tell you not to. You can’t hear anything but Deuce and his yelling, his enthusiasm and terror for whichever situation you two find yourselves in, knowing that you’d follow him anywhere.
Ace makes you all the more prickly, your sharp jabs and irritating smugness a product of spending too much time with him. You two are two peas in a pod, but to an outsider you two just seem...irritating. You have a talent for getting under people’s skin and have definitely gotten better at lying.
Leona thinks its so cute how you try to defend him at every twist and turn. Like no, he is as dastardly as everyone is saying. Why are you trying to deny it? You’re suddenly seeing reason in the most massive ego-ed people this side of Sage Island and Leona honestly doesn’t know if he should be concerned for you or be amused because of you. (This one in particular was inspired by @loser-jpg LMAO)
Ruggie could have made you prioritize yourself more, but you think he took it a bit too far. See, now you’re snatching cafeteria items and worksheets right under people’s noses, giggling as they demand you give it back. Sometimes they don’t even notice you, but even if they did you’ve learned how to be lighter on your feet.
Jack and you are incredibly uncooperative people (unless you owe someone, of course.) He’s guided you away from asking for help, insisting that the people here will take advantage of you then turning around to say that he doesn’t care, he just doesn't want to get wrapped up in your mess. It’s like you can’t trust anyone but him and your Heartslabyul friends anymore.
Azul has given you one nasty sense of perception, allowing you to key into every little detail and find loopholes in the things people say in a second. He’s turned you into a deadly asset, one he treasures just as much as the student body fears. You read over his contracts and point out what you would do to get out of them, and he adjusts accordingly. What a fine team you two make!
Jade makes it clear that his morals are less than savory, and will often encourage you to partake in things you really shouldn't. You rationalize it as Jade helping you go after the things you want, to finally take and take and take from people when you’ve been so selfless all your life, because it's what you deserve isn’t it?
Floyd will often rope you into his schemes, and it's not wrong before you start doing the same. Once a model student, attending every class, you now skip class and watch with amusement as Floyd threatens another student, hiding your smile behind your hand. They may plead for your assistance, but who are you to stop Floyd? This poor soul clearly owed something.
Kalim instills you with a sense of jealousy and helplessness. He has money to solve all of his problems, his life must be so easy. You’ve lived through so many overblots and received no help from anyone, but Kalim has always been so kind and generous to you. It makes you resent him a little, and anyone else who tries to help, because they all have things that you don’t and that's just not fair.
Jamil twists and bends your mind so much that you can do the very same thing to others. You’ve caught onto his little game and he knows it, eyeing you with anticipation whenever you speak in the same honeyed tone he uses when he wants something. You’ve gotten scarily good at hiding it too, shooting him a smug grin because you know he knows, but nobody else does.
Vil brings out so much confidence in your abilities it’s borderline arrogance. You know you’re capable, so why doesn’t everyone just let you handle this? You can do it, they can’t. So they should just step aside. You’re not doing it to be mean, so why are they getting so annoyed at you? You’re just better.
Rook has some eccentricities, and you’re well aware of them. They put you off at first, but now you’re used to him. It just seems normal now. You’re not sure why everyone makes such a big deal out of his tendencies, that’s just how he is. He’ll stalk you, hunt you down, but he’s having fun! Don’t spoil it for him!
Epel is actually the perfect fit for NRC, you think. He’s a troublemaker, he’s stubborn, and he’s so, so angry. But he’s right! Why should you respect people who claim to be above you? It’s so irritating that they walk around with those annoying smirks on their faces. You two should do something about that, don’t you think?
Idia has a very specific way of talking that can not only be confusing, but can also irritate the hell out of people. Of all things you could pick up from him, you picked up his smug jabs and insults, accompanied by a tooth grin and a laugh. It’s unnerving how much he’s rubbed off on you, a true testament to how close you too are much to the chagrin of the rest of NRC.
Malleus finds so much delight in being your bodyguard, your most trusted companion, that he doesn’t even bat an eye when you use his magic for your own gain. You’ve gotten soft, molding to whatever shape Malleus wants you to be just so he won’t leave. You’re helpless without him, only he has the will and the magic to protect you. So won’t he please stay?
Lilia has a way of dodging the truth, putting a smile on his face even when he’s hurting. It makes you think that, if he can do that, why can’t you? Lilia is smart, he knows how to go about life, so you should follow his lead and bury your problems until they’ll never see the light again.
Sebek has done nothing but berate you for being human since you met him, and even if you’ve gotten closer to him over the course of your stay in Twisted Wonderland, you’re starting to think he’s right. If you had magic, if you weren’t human, you’d be more powerful. It’s a fact. You could do so much more if you weren’t so weak.
Silver has made you complacent. He takes each step carefully, protecting both you and Malleus, so why would you need to protect yourself in any capacity? It’s so nice, having this safety net. If you could, you'd rely on Silver forever, never facing the cruel realities of the world that are blocked by his strong arms.
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space-owl · 4 months
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Stolas is incredibly classist!
And probably doesn’t realise it.
I already made a short post about it here but I want to go more into detail with all of this.
First I want to show how he is acting with demons that aren’t Goetia and then how his classism even bleeds into the relationship with Blitzø.
Disclaimer: I love Stolas, he is one of my favourite characters of the show! Doesnt mean though I wont critic him for some of the bullshit he is pulling
Stolas is constantly dismissing other demons and looking at all of them from a high angle. We can clearly see it when he interacts with Millie and Moxxie
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Just look at his uninterested face too while Moxxie is talking to him
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Not to forget he keeps referring to Imps as "little ones“ etc
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Of course he is aware of his status sometimes and does use it to get into Ozzies. But he also does it while presenting himself on a higher angle than the poor bouncer in front of the club would’ve needed
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Like Stolas you’re already one of the princes of hell, the guy KNOWS who you are! Why are you giving him this look??
He doesn't see any imp or even any demon who is ranked below him as equal. It shows again when he is directly attacked by Striker. Stolas was mostly chill about the situation and not even fully aware he was in danger!
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Yes, he brings it up but he isn’t fully convinced of it himself. The first time he REALLY understands he is in big trouble is when he realises that his glare doesn’t work!
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I don’t think Stolas doesn’t know what holy rope is. But I do believe that he himself didn’t think an IMP could possess such dangerous equipment!
And what shows it to me the MOST that he really doesnt seem to hold any respect to Imps that aren't Blitzø is this:
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How he handles Pringles, the butler of the family!
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He literally squeezes him so tightly the poor guy cant get any air anymore!
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Just holding him and handling him as if he was an object! Dude is already getting dizzy and Stolas wont let go of him!
Yes I know I suppose this is mostly a visual gag to make the scene more entertaining. We just cant forget that animation is a long process to do. Anything, any action a character does is there for a reason! If Stolas WASN'T a person who wouldnt handle an Imp butler like this, it would'nt be in the scene!
This is already enough proof for me that Stolas is very classist. Its so casual for him and normal that he doesnt even seem to realise it! Why do I think that? Because it bleeds into the relationship with Blitzø!
All the things Stolas keeps saying about Imps, he also says directly to Blitzø.
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Calling Blitzø "his little Imp", again just saying Imps are little and "things" to be posessed
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Dismissing Blitzø when he tries to get serious, just saying he is cute even though Blitzø is trying to complain
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Also the constant cheek pinching, something youd mostly do to a child.
And dont forget the most posessive thing of all of them to say in "Truth Seekers"
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"Who dares to threaten my impish little plaything?" (youtube didnt pick up the audio here so no automatic subtitles appeared (holy shit im so thankful season 2 finally has proper subtitles!))
Stolas literally called Blitzø HIS "plaything", also pointing out the Imp part again.
Id say something like "oh but that was probably just before he got feelings for Blitzø! And then it changed!" I mean even if that was the case it wouldnt make it any better. But no, Stolas literally had a crush on Blitzø the first time he SAW him! Look, this is his literal first reaction:
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Stolas always had feelings for Blitzø, but still he keeps downplaying Blitzøs feelings and totally ignores the class thing. Because he himself is already in a higher class! So he can just pick and choose which Imp he respects and which he doesnt.
Worst of all of this is that as a child Stolas was a LOT more open about those things!
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Until his father "corrects" him
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And Stolas rememberd this statement until his aduldhood. The only exeption he makes to this rule is Blitzø.
And Blitzø of course notices those things. Of course he notices the constant dismiss of Stolas! Being called a "Plaything" and a "little imp!" He is already self conscious enough. And that makes him even more vunerable and hyper aware of those things.
Even though Stolas showed general intersted in him someties, Blitzø already accepted himself as his little tool.
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Moxxie even brings it up to Blitzø, obviously playing to Stolas feelings for him.
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But Blitzø immediately thinks its still just about something sexual. And nothing else.
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Because he cant see himself being anything else to Stolas than just a plaything. It doesnt matter how often Stolas was honest with him and showed interest. His constant belitteling and downplaying on him and also any other Imp that happens to be present while Blitzø is with him is enough.
With ALL of that context, its totally clear why Blitzø lashed out at Stolas in Full Moon. For him this confession came out of nowhere. He didnt have time to breathe or understand what was really going on there. And Stolas himself keeps ignoring their class difference and has 0 self reflection on that part so far, not getting why this is so upsetting to Blitzø.
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"Blitzø, I think so very highly of you. I didnt realize you think so low of me!"
GEE STOLAS! I WONDER WHY BLITZØ DOES SO!
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the-s1lly-corner · 11 months
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I’ve read through some of your old posts and I gotta say…I love me some angst. May I kindly, pretty please with a plastic cherry on top, ask for TADC gang with an S/O who abstracted a while back, but then they ‘respawn’ one day with a glitch affect about them, and their memory was totally wiped? Like it was their first day in the digital world? The glitch affect doesn’t hurt them or anyone like what happened to Ragetha and Pomni btw.
TADC cast x mended!reader
so funny story i was about to sit down and work on this about 4 hours ago but then my parents said they were going to watch the fnaf movie in the garage and i literally dropped everything and watched it so uh uh. the reason the grind stopped was because of fnaf movie and now im kinda tempted to pick up my fnaf fic again anyways! i did a similar post, here! jax and caines parts here will be short, really only focusing on the glitch aspect for them in this post, since the other half has already been written!
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CAINE:
just got flashed with an image but you know that scene where the iron giant is trying to pick the boy up but hes like limp or something and the giant pulls back (ive never watched iron giant i just know this clip from a meme) i think it would be like that if he tried to poof your glitching away; but like. in an emotional way, if that makes sense. like its the same kind of carefulness and worry, i think... bonus if he does more damage than not
JAX:
honestly a little too scared to even touch you out of the deep seeded fear of getting all glitchy as well. like he knows it wont spread to him, but you know...
POMNI:
similar to jax i think she would instinctively avoid touching you even though she knows its fine... the whole hand thing making her overly cautious for future scenarios, you know? i think she would slip up and accidentally bring up something you and her did before you abstracted, or call you an endearing name before abruptly stopping herself and trailing off, sad stuff. grief makes her tear between wanting to find an exit faster and trying to make you remember/stay for you
RAGATHA:
poor girl :( i think she would genuinely try to make an effort to re/befriend you and try not to have her hopes too high for the two of you to get back together. if you hear about your past relationship and want to learn more about it, shell tell you what you want to know, but i doubt she would instantly start dating you again if you suggest the two of you trying to give the relationship a second shot... i think that would need some time
KINGER:
bro is gonna be going through it, first he loses his possible wife to abstraction and now he lost you.. got you back, but you dont remember anything. on top of that you look.. off.. sure it doesnt hurt you but it still looks like it would be uncomfortable, even if it isnt
stuck between longing to rekindle your old relationship and letting you go in order to allow himself to process this grief; the third option is potential abstraction for himself
ZOOBLE:
tries not to care. they want to forget everything like you did, they were finally starting to be normal after your abstraction. but now your back in a clean slate, mind wiped and memories gone. how does someone cope with that? as much as it hurts them they think it would be best for them to pretend you were a stranger again
GANGLE:
saying it again, poor girl. mix of pomni and ragatha here i think, like she keeps messing up and verbally reminiscing before realizing you cant relate to what shes saying anymore. will tell you anything you want to know about the past, but i think it would take a lot longer for her to consider getting with you again than ragatha. for both its kind of a "i dont want them to feel obligated to try because we were together once" type deal
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diazisms · 5 months
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hi bia, I want to know your opinion re eddie cheating and latino culture/catholicism. I feel like in many ways a man cheating is something so normal in latin families (idk how this applies for latin people in the us but it's definitely a thing when living in latin america) and that's something that doesn't cause as much struggle with catholicism and "sin", as being queer does. I find it interesting how of course there's a loss that eddie thinks may happen if he cuts that last link to his religion connected to latino culture by coming out/coming to terms with his sexuality, that just doesn't seem to happen with other "sins"... idk if you've watched Brooklyn 99, but in there there's a Latina that comes out as bi to her parents and in the scene they basically tell her they'd rather she was dating someone married than admit that she was queer, and I feel like that's it, even tho I'm not sure eddie is aware of, he's falling into this (i believe) specific latino man stereotype where it's okay to do a lot of bad things, things maybe not accepted by the religion but unfortunately accepted by the culture, as long as you DON'T do the worst thing ever, which is being queer... idk if this makes sense lol, maybe it's not a thing lol, you dont have to post it I just dont have any other latino people i follow that may understand it, sorry
god, yeah, it's totally a thing. i grew up in texas but i was born and now live in latin america and this is so, so true. there are sins men are allowed to commit in latino communities because the sins are still "masculine". cheating on your girlfriend (they're not even married) is nothing. who cares. it still aligns with the misogyny that runs so rampant in latino culture. eddie sleeps with multiple women even though he has a girlfriend? oh, she wasn't enough him. she wasn't doing her job to keep him satisfied. it's a moral failing on her part, not his. and eddie's not that kind of guy, we know that, but this is all he learned growing up. it's very, very easy to fall back on the excuses you've heard a dozen times even when you know it's cruel. eddie dates two women at once and doesn't tell either of them? he's a firefighter, he's a single father, his life is stressful enough. let him have two women so when one gets high maintenance and irritating he can go to the other.
this is real! this is so real! it's so fucked up!
eddie breaks up with both marisol and not-shannon and gets with buck, though?
that'd be a problem. i have no doubt in mind eddie grew up hearing gay as an insult and faggot thrown around casually because homophobia is casual, not only in latino communities, but in the american south in general. he saw the way men who cheated would show up to mass with their wife against their side. her eyes were always so heartbroken, but that's something he's allowed. it's his right as a man. how can you fault his nature?
queerness is wrong, though. it's an abomination. you can't even confess to your sins because the church won't let you inside anymore. eddie can feel guilty for cheating on marisol all he wants, but guilt over something he's allowed is still better than bone deep shame over something he has not control over being.
and eddie's gonna hate himself for it! he's done so much to unlearn the worst parts of machismo, the parts that hurt him the most as a child, but god is it easy to fall back on when you need an excuse. his dad was absent most of his life growing up, but that's okay because he was providing. men don't sin for no reason. their wife isn't enough, they need to provide for their kids, their kids are a little too queer and need fixing. a heavy hand is better than an eternity in hell.
it's so complex. it's such a complicated relationship with himself, with religion, with being latino. god can judge him but how will he handle the judgment from his family. the church can hate him all they want but how is he supposed to handle the side eyes and whispers when he shows up to his high school friend's wedding and there's no plus one because it's either show up single or show up with a man.
men are allowed sin. men are allowed moral failing.
men are not allowed queerness.
and as much as eddie has been doing so much good work to unlearn that, the nasty, nails in your skin part of growing up latino are just as impossible to shed as the skin that covers your bones.
(also, yes, i did watch b99 and i remember that!)
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I knew about radfem as a thing that was bad and that you had to block for since like 2017, and not until yesterday did I actually read around about what it was about, and now i feel like my understanding of a lot of things has shifted really rapidly and idk how to cope. Like i thought porn was a healthy expression of sexuality and bdsm is harmless between consenting adults but reading the stats and where it all stems from and its effect on women and the horrific abuse of the porn industry, i cant believe that anymore. I understand the reason behind gender abolition now and why theres critique of trans ideas. This whole time I was taught that radfems hated trans people for existing like how right wingers do, but after reading around I actually see the love that radfems have for trans men, and the indifference for trans women. Its not about hate at all. Its about the love of women and how sex is what we are oppressed by, and gender as a social construct exists to stand in the way of women. Sexism makes my soul hurt so deeply, and I never understood why people don't talk about it more, why I seemed to care about it more than people around me. Why lgbt people dont talk about it more. Its everywhere, in every part of society. It's so hard to acknowledge that this group which I consider family also actively benefits from the exploitation of the female sex. I don't know how I can deal with the fact that my friends would be upset at me for believing this. How do I even process this i feel alone
I normally as the admin of sorts of this blog do not 'answer' asks often, but I wanted to say that there are whole swathes of women (rad-aligned feminists, radfems, etc) around radblr who have been where you are and have felt what you've felt. Don't be afraid to ask them questions or talk with them! It can definitely feel isolating at times, but more women than you'd think agree with a lot of these feminist ideas and are just afraid of being silenced.
This blog is not a 'normal' blog where I answer or console people, so I will have to ask any radfems/rad-aligned who wish to direct this lovely anon to their blogs who are open to asks/conversations/or just have a wealth of information for her to browse through, please reblog or comment for her to find you, or start up conversations on this post if you wish! Many of us have talked about your experience at length, as we've been through it ourselves too.
You are NOT alone in your feelings and discoveries. I hope you remember that ⭐
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Is there any wr Chris Drabble that you can and want to share maybe perhaps
🙏🙏🙏🙏😭 * not in a pressuring way but in a I love this installment and can’t get enough way* feel free to ignore if not!
you know what??? sure! this is a fluffy one that i haven't had a reason to post, so i'll use this ask for that skdjfhskjdf
just fyi i've got a couple horny ones in the works, but they're still not complete 😭 so this is all i can offer for now. hope you enjoy~
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Pairing: Werewolf!Chan x Human!F.Reader (one of the main pairings of my WereRoomies series. you don’t really need to read any other instalment to understand/enjoy this piece). | Word Count: ~1k | Themes & Warnings: fantasy/supernatural AU · fluff | established relationship | descriptors of the reader such as: being chubby · pet names · a bit suggestive, but it’s fairly tame · this is barely proof-read, so please bear with me
minors do not interact.
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> Chris💕🐺: hey pretty > i know we said we were gonna go on a date tonight > but i dont think ill make it baby im sorry :(
< You: aw 🥺 < it’s ok darling < we can go out some other time
> Chris💕🐺: ill make it up to u > i promise
It wasn’t uncommon for your boyfriend to come home late at night. He’d always come through the door complaining about how they were behind on their sprint, or how one of his co-workers deleted hours worth of coding in a single click, or how the entire platform he worked on crashed and they needed to spend overtime fixing it… It worried you sometimes, but it’d become such a natural occurrence at this point it didn’t faze you anymore.
You felt like Chris didn’t even need to promise to make it up to you, you knew he would anyway, but you figured he always felt the need to set his words in stone. Sometimes he’d make it up to you the very next day, sometimes it took him weeks, but he always did, which you appreciated immensely.
By ten in the evening you just knew Chris wouldn’t be home before midnight. He always told you to not wait up for him, that you needed to rest, too. But you found it incredibly hard to fall asleep comfortably when he wasn’t there, so you’d either toss and turn for hours, or you’d drift in and out of sleep until he made it to your bed.
You vaguely registered the front door of your flat opening and closing, just like you vaguely registered the muffled sounds of your boyfriend’s steps around your home until you started to hear the shower. Stretching your limbs a bit, a tiny squeak left your mouth, and you reached for your phone to check the time.
One thirty in the morning.
With a sigh, you locked your phone again and turned to lay on your other side, bringing one of the extra pillows between your thighs for comfort.
You laid there for a while, waiting, until you heard the shower stop completely. You honestly expected your boyfriend to open the door to your bedroom right then, but instead, all you heard was silence. In normal circumstances, you would’ve let it go and gone back to sleep, but as it was, you really wanted to see him, so you got out of your shared bed, rubbing sleep from your eye with your fist as you opened the door and left the room.
Only the small lights on the kitchen were on, but they provided enough illumination to see Chris. He was sitting on the sofa, with his elbows on his thighs and his hands buried in his hair.
As soon as you walked closer, he looked up. With a small smile on his lips he gave you a “Why are you up?”
You yawned, shrugging.
“Sorry I woke you up, pretty”, Chris mumbled, taking a hold of your hand as soon as you were in front of him.
Shaking your head, you placed your free hand on Chris’ shoulder, pushing him just enough to lay back on the sofa so you could straddle him and comfortably settle on his lap. With his arms around your waist, he pulled you flush against him, just as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, mumbling a very sleepy ‘S’okay’ against his skin.
Burying one of your hands in his damp hair, you gently massaged his scalp while bringing an arm to rest on his shoulders so you could pull him close to you as well. Chris hummed, and you felt him relax under the soothing motions of your hand.
Over the years, you’d come to read your boyfriend’s body language quite well–or at least you liked to think so. When he was quiet like this, you could tell something was weighing heavy on his mind, so you’d made it a habit to ask. “Wanna talk about your day?”
Chris remained quiet for a moment, but he still moved his arms from around your waist to bring a hand under your shirt and rest it on the small of your back, while the other cradled the back of your head. After a few moments, he just shook his head, and you hummed in understanding.
You both stayed there like that, quietly enjoying your warmth for a while. Until you finally pulled away from his neck and cradled his face in your hands. Chris just leaned into your touch, closing his eyes and heaving a sigh.
He was clearly refreshed from his shower, but you could still see the bags under his eyes, and the small frown on his face. You knew it wasn’t directed at you–or at least you hoped so–it surely had to do with whatever happened at work, so your first instinct was to lean in and press a kiss right where his eyebrows furrowed.
A small smile spread on his face, and his frown seemed to have disappeared when you finally pulled back. With a smile of your own, you leaned in again to press a kiss on his forehead. Then his nose, each cheek, and finally, his lips. 
Chris’ lips moulded to yours, kissing you slowly, holding you even closer to him. He was so warm, and the feeling of his fingers caressing your lower back and the ones burying in your hair to angle your head to the side the tiniest bit was quickly igniting the flame of need deep within yourself.
After a few moments of kissing, you rolled your hips. You couldn’t help it, he was right there, touching you, existing, and your body just naturally reacted to him.
Chris tensed with the movement, and he immediately brought his hands to your hips to still your movement.
“Baby…” Chris pulled away from your lips with a sigh, an incredibly tired sigh. “I’m–I’m not…”
It was rare for Chris to not be in the mood for sex, but it did happen every once in a while, usually when he was not only incredibly exhausted, but also worried about something. So you simply smiled at him, dragging your thumbs over his cheeks as if to soothe him. “It’s okay, baby”. 
Chris sighed again, looking you in the eyes. His eyebrows were drawn together once again. “I’m sorry, pretty. I’ll make it up to–”
“Baby”, you interrupted him and squished his cheeks, forcing his lip into a pout. “It’s fine. You don’t have to make anything up to me”. 
“But–” 
“I’m serious”, you pecked his lips, and offered him a smile after. “Don’t go all toxic alpha on me now, hm? It’s literally fine, babe”. 
Chris chuckled, and he pulled you down for a brief kiss. “I love you”. 
“Love you, too”, you replied simply, relishing the way Chris’ body relaxed under you again. “Now… Sleep?”
Chris looked at you for a moment, mulling your words, until he eventually spoke. “I’d like to… kiss some more…” 
You leaned in, not quite pressing your lips to his yet, but close enough so every word made your lips brush against his. “How much more?” 
Chris held you tighter. “A lot more”. 
So you hummed, right as you finally connected your mouths in a deep kiss.
This was one of Chris’ moods sometimes. He’d just want to hold you, kiss you, rile you up with no real prospect of sex. And you’d lie if you said you didn’t enjoy it.
His plush lips against yours, his teeth tugging your flesh, his tongue brushing yours… Chris was an amazing kisser, and you could honestly spend hours just doing this. Hours of his hands roaming your back, of the satisfied hums and moans spilling from his mouth, of the wet sounds your motions produced. 
Of course it made you horny, of course it made him horny… You could feel his hardness under you, enticing you, but being honest, kissing felt just as satisfying regardless. You liked that you could have these moments with your boyfriend, where you could somewhat keep things intimate, but rather chaste–as much as french kissing a werewolf could be considered chaste…
“God, I missed you so much”, Chris mumbled, digging his fingers on the soft flesh of your waist, under your tee. 
“Me too, baby”, you mumbled back, barely even disconnecting your lips from his.
You couldn’t really tell how long you spent there, sitting on his lap and ravishing his mouth, but eventually, he pulled back, looking you in the eyes as he tucked a strand of hair behind your ears. 
His pupils were so deliciously blown, his lips all pink and plump, slick with your spit, and you were sure there was wetness making contact with your core, even with the thin fabric of his sleeping shorts separating your bodies.
“You’re so pretty”, Chris wrapped an arm around your waist, and he cupped your cheek with his free hand. “So pretty and mine. My pretty girlfriend…”
You chuckled, looking at his droopy eyes. “So are you, darling”. 
“Mmm…” Chris leaned in again, kissing you briefly. 
When he pulled back, you placed your hands on his bare shoulders. “Sleep?” 
Chris nodded. “Sleep. Hold on tight, baby”. 
As soon as you looped your arms around his neck, and with a firm hold on your thighs, Chris stood up from the sofa, taking you with him and walking languid steps to your bedroom, switching the kitchen lights off on the way. 
As soon as he stepped into your room, Chris gently placed you on your feet so you could take the few steps left to the bed.
He placed a quick kiss on your cheek once you were both tucked under the covers. He pulled you close to his body and laid his head on your chest, letting out a sigh of relief once you buried your fingers in his hair and started massaging his scalp.
It was silent for a while, until you started to hear–and feel–the barely audible rumble coming from your boyfriend’s chest. It brought a smile to your face, and, soon enough, you fell asleep as well.
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desire-mona · 2 months
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heard we were making house ocs and ive had a dingus floating around in my head since january so i FINALLY got around to actually making a proper ref sheet. i present my silliest
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Dr. Nanette "Ninny" Amesbury :3
more under cut !
big warning lore n backstory n stuff is very bare bones and not all the way there cuz im #lazy
birthday is vague but lets go with ~35 circa s2
if i had a nickel for every oc i had who had absent parents and was raised catholic by their grandparents, id have two nickels. unintentional that it happened twice i sorta forgor the other one's lore for a bit and now its stuck so ummmmm sorry laney. wont be going into childhood bc i havent come up w that yet and honestly i dont care to!!! yada yada yada catholic guilt but not in the chase way bc she hasnt left the church n likely never will
ummmm relationship chart + template
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lets just quick go over some relationship highlights cuz some are def more important than others
wilson: mr president a 4th ex wife has hit the james wilson. when were they married? ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm 😁
but they were married for like. 3 years? YES it ended bc he cheated but nin also wasn't the best either her ass was literally never ever there she was ALWAYS at work (like more than normal doctor amounts of at work - only came home to sleep and even that was only 4x a week(also worked at a different hospital))
tw suicide for next part bee tee dub
a big part of the beginning of their relationship was (big surprise) wilson's attraction to what he THOUGHT was neediness but was literally just nin wanting (and trying) to kill herself lol. once the magic of all that went away (perceived independence thats rly just #bottling shit up) he was just kinda like oh :/ its not cool to have a mentally ill wife anymore :/ i was expecting ramona flowers :/ or whatever. so infidelity impact font, hijinks and moving away for [amount] years ensue before nin being hired at ppth as the head of pediatrics. brief fwb situation w wilson Again b4 she finds out shes a lesbian at the end of like. s2.
oh yeah she also tries to kill herself again once she figures it out (see catholic guilt mention) but its cool she lives
cuddy: GAAAAAYYYYY GAAAAYYYYYYY GAY!!!!! DR AMESBURY WANTS TO FUCK THIS WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its one sided tho boooooo cuddys briefly like Wait ? just b4 nin moves away at the end of s6 roughly but shes already. thats done its not happening.
kutner: dont even fucking talk to me. i dont wanna talk about it. im gonna talk about it.
so kutner (like the slut that he is lowkey but society isnt ready for that) asks nin out just after he gets hired and shes like ermmmmmmmmmm! but sensing his loser aura she (still deeply closeted) is like hey haha i dont swing that way sorry !!!!!!! but its ok they become super mega best friends and get nerdy together
i like to think they listen to weird al together OH YEAH NINS THE BIGGEST WEIRD AL YANKOVIC FAN IN NEW JERSEY
and then nothing bad happens!
if youve seen this post about the little writing things kutner got after he croaked then hooray here's nanettes
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they make me so fucking upset.
anyway as i stated above nin moves away after s6 for a bunch of reasons. 1) thanks obama 2) a big part of what contributed to her suicidal ideations n such was the fact that deep down she didnt ACTUALLY know what she wanted to do w her life. u may be like she doesnt. want to be a doctor ? NO she doesnt thats just what she did to get money to eventually do what she wants. whatever that is. something something feeling lost in life and unable to reach a goal when u dont even know what the goal is something something. also persistent depressive disorder but like spoon in kitchen.
idk what shes gonna end up doing after she moves but id imagine she shows up for house's funeral so i cant just be like lol nobody gets to know! im thinking painter but idk IDK guys her lore is ROUGH
thats it if u have questions ill answer thanks
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multifan2022 · 7 months
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*kinda scared to post this.. Defiantly not my normal territory. Love the damn show though, dont care. Hope its decent. Picturing Cassius as Jacob Elordi. Maybe part 2? if it goes over well, if so ideas? idk if i can even write anymore for real 😶 this took me so fricken long.*
Masterlist
Tiktok that inspired this 1st tiktok and 2nd tiktok
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Sighing you looked up at.. What did that say? “Hazbin Hotel”.. “Oookay.” You said drawn out sarcastically as you looked down and closed your eyes. You knew you had to go in, you owed this to your Dark Lady. You swore to her that you would look after her daughter, she had given you everything you ever wanted. Knocking you brace yourself with a smile for your niece Charlie who you could already hear squealing. 
You do smile though that she throws herself at you and hugs you while bouncing on her toes. Vaggie smiles softly while telling her girlfriend that she should bring you inside. Soon your sitting in front of Husk who's making you a drink, Charlie, Vaggie, Alastor and finally Angel and Sir Pentious. The last two had seemed in almost aw when you had finally stepped inside fully and reached up to drop your hood and remove your cloak. Honestly you were use to it, even if it was always flattering. 
As a devout follower of The Dark Lady, Lilith, in your human life you were granted a doll like version of the look you always wanted in life. BUT your time was highly coveted, you had many things to do, even more so in her ladys absence. The seat at her table was something you worked hard for, and something you would never be giving up. You would be here when she returned. “This whole idea is beautiful sweetie. You know if you ever need something, Ill do everything I can to help.” From beside you, you swear you feel Pentious’ tongue touch you when he speaks. He's so close. “I bet your powerful!” 
You smile while looking down, it was a play at shyness but Alastor and Husk could see right through it. “How did such a beaut end up here anyways!” Angel said, laughing and throwing himself on the couch. “Here as in??” You circled your finger in the air “Hell.. or the Hotel?” Ending with pointing at the floor. Hearing a static “Both” you looked at the Radio Demon, under different circumstances you would be creeped out by his never falling smile. But for some reason you werent, you hadnt been scared of anyone in a long time so it wasnt that. But moving on you took a deep breath and said nonchalantly “I'm a follower of Lady Lilith, so of course I ended up here.” 
Husk half chuckled, half scoffed and your head snapped with unnatural speed to him. Chills shot down his neck as the smile on your lips and the look in your eye. He could almost feel you skinning him, when you crossed one leg over your knee and leaned onto the counter and smiled at him he wanted to run. “Ok pussycat.. You wanna know why I'm here.. Let me show you.” Waving your hand a deep deep red smoke encompassing the room as everyone felt the floor fall from under them next thing they knew, they were all standing somewhere none of them knew. Ancient Greece. “Never speak to me again, Cassius!” They heard before turning and falling into your memory. 
Storming down the hall you had never felt such pain, such anger and betrayal. You felt broken. Your favorite colored shorter toga dress whipped around your thighs as you ran. You didn't even know where you were too, running until your toes hit the water. Then your knees as you start screaming until your throat is raw before sobbing. “Why??”  You cried softly trying to understand how one person could feel so much pain and still be alive. You were thinking that you wish you could just die. That there would never be someone who would understand this pain before feeling warmth wrap around you. Opening your eyes to the most beautiful woman standing before you. Well, she kinda stood before you, she was fuzzy, almost ghost-like. “Don't cry daughter of Lilith, let us take care of this.” As she spoke she tilted her head, the smile on her face taking over a savage edge. As she faded your anger grew, any other feeling gone, any thought besides revenge then death gone. 
Behind you, you heard your name being shouted. By him.. By the man who had betrayed you. The man you had been seeing, giving yourself too. Who you were supposed to marry tomorrow. You had found him out for a stroll with his son.. His son and his wife.. A son and a wife you clearly didn't know about. His face had dropped when his eyes connected with yours, both of your worlds freezing. Because the problem was, he truly did love you. He didn't come from a very wealthy family, so this marriage, he couldn't mess it up. His father would kill him, and probably you. He didnt know what he was going to do or tell you tomorrow. But now he didnt need too, but he had broken your heart in the worst way. He just wanted a moment to try to explain. 
Unfortunately for him, the moment your heart broke, someone powerful stepped in. She had been waiting for you, Lilith. She could feel the impending heart break from hell and knew she had to step in. She didnt feel connected to living women often so when she did, she paid attention. She had grasped and pulled forward the woman she wanted you to be. Allowed you to embrace your rage and take an inhuman amount of power, one you knew without words would kill you. You felt a weird calm, an almost buzzing hot but calm numbness spread across your skin as you stood. Your voice was low, but somehow Cassius heard it. “Get in the water.” 
You heard him stop , could somehow feel him just at the edge as the waves barley lapped the tips of his sandals. “Get in the water”  you repeated your voice deeper than he had ever heard, raspy from crying but carried something.. Something that gave him goosebumps. All the hairs on his hairs and neck standing on end, his guts screaming at him to run. He watched the fingers on your left  run slowly through the water, the setting sun sparklingly off your now useless engagement ring. He audibly gulped as you slowly turned to him, black veins around your eyes and spreading from your finger tips and throat. “Or Ill raise the tide so high..” You looked down at his feet as a slightly larger wave splashed his toes “All of Delos will die..” Looking him in the eyes he jumped, there was a slight glow to your eyes, almost gold mixed with red. He was terrified. 
“Get in the water.” 
Taking a panicked breath he feels water.. Hitting.. His calves? Looking down his panic increases “Wait..” His mind is speeding down any and every possible avenue but its coming up with nothing but fear. Fear so encompassing as he hears you tell him again, and he swears he sees you take a step forward. “Stop” he says in a desperate shout, the waves now up to his knees.  “Stop this.. Please.” he begs as you tilt your head and take another slow step toward him. He sounds so pathetic you think as you ball your hands into fists, his wife stumbling onto the sand as well, pulling their son behind her. She calls out to him, but Cassius cant look away from the woman in front of him. 
Are the veins glowing now? Is your hair? Is it moving, whipping back and forth wildly? You could feel the anger rising, it was an all encompassing avalanche of emotions. Seeing her made all that pain real again, pulled it past the surface, shoved you over your breaking point. A tiny, very small part of you felt bad for the child as you refocused on his father. Turning to look back at him, you have a small evil smirk on your face. Unclenching your hands and raising them slowly to inspect your palms you spoke again. “Ill make tidal waves so profound..” Cocking your head to the other side your eyes flick to the woman who screams Cassius again. The smirk spreads into a full grin “Both your wife and your son will drown.”  
“NO!” He screams anguish, panic, fear its all right there. Suddenly your in his face. The wind harshly blowing around both of you now, your hair flying this way and that in soft caresses across your cheeks and forehead. Your breathing the same air, his anguished puff of air as he tries to find the words, the feelings, the anything to give you to calm you down. To fix this. But he jumps when you next speak, the volume and the venom in your voice scare any half thoughts he had away. “GET IN THE WATER!” Now the waves, they arent small calm waves crashing gently on his legs. 
They are slamming into them, the water up to his hips,  now reaching his wife and sons feet as others gather and panic starts to ensue. People are screaming behind him, but no one will come any closer. The fear and uncertainty was pabable. The smile on your face kept growing, the glow in your eyes now bright and eerie. “GET IN THE WATER!!” You screamed again, taking a step back and turning before spinning back and grabbing his neck with both hands. You were tall for a woman, but Cassius was taller. It was one of things you always loved about him. In your rage  you pulled him to you by his throat. He has no idea how your so steady on your feet. He is rocking back and forth, his sandals being sucked into the sand by retreating water.
Squeezing as you started to pull him with you, stepping backwards. Keeping eye contact, it was controlling, you didnt know how you were doing it. But as you kept talking it was like you were compelling him. Letting go as you spun the two of you around and point out towards the open sea. You were so close your noses were touching, he could feel your lips brush against his as you whispered. “ Dont mistake my threats for bluff. You have lived more than enough..” Cassius knew he was dead, he could feel his body moving against his will. Somehow your whisper shook him to the bone, deeper than anything else had. 
He looked toward his son one last time, mouthed ‘i love you’ as his feet drug him deeper. Without ever looking at his wife, he turned his gaze back to you. He looked at you with such despair, but also understanding. He KNEW he hurt you, he KNEW that you were an outsider. You had come here from one of the tribes on the main land. He knew your gods and his were different. It had never bothered him, but now hes thinking he shouldve listened harder. Shouldve known better. Shouldve loved you correctly.  
Tears streaming down your cheeks, you could feel yourself dying. Whatever that woman had given you was fading. You were running out of time. You wanted to see him die. When he smiled sadly at you and mouthed that he loved you to a violent heat pulsed over you. You felt like you were on fire as you stormed in anger towards him, grabbing his throat again and shoving him down. “GET IN THE WATER!” You scream one last time, before following him with the pull of the waves into the ocean. 
The last thing you remember besides happiness and warmth, was seeing him sinking deeper into the darkness. 
Snapping your fingers you released everyone from your hold. Sir Pentious started to gag, his little egg buddies having passed out or thrown up. Everyone looks shocked, even Alastor is momentarily without his sinister grin. Not even a full breath later, Angel and Husk are badgering you with questions. How did you get the power? Where you a follower in life or was this chance? Is your ex here in hell? That doesnt tell us how powerful you are down here! Charlie at some point rewrapped herself around you and is crying for your broken heart. Your patting her head and smiling while answering all of the questions and showing off little tricks. 
Never noticing the tall dark demon behind you, still slightly stunned.. In what he thinks is.. Awe?
“Hm.. This wont due.”
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g0nta-g0kuhara · 1 month
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why do u think people r so ashamed of loving danron??
I mean, honestly, there's a lot of reasons, which makes it kind of complicated to tackle. I can list out a few from the top of my head, based on personal experience Feeling the shame and observation of other fans
•The problematic content in the games themselves. People feel embarrassed to like the other parts of the game because of the amount of bigoted moments (and sometimes whole characters) within these games. They don't want people to think they like those parts too, so they couch their appreciation in embarrassment.
•The reputation of the fanbase. On tumblr at least, things have normalized significantly and I find this fandom a very chill place to be. But the danganronpa fandom at its peak (2012-2016ish) was RABID. Like any major tumblr fandom, there was tons of drama, discourse, and toxic fan behaviour, but DR was genuinely on another level. This is especially true because of the young average age of members of the fandom at the time. Even though thats not generally true anymore on tumblr, this fandom still has that reputation to non-fans, and so people don't want to be associated with it.
•Cringe culture. At its peak, the DR fandom on tumblr was made mostly of teens, especially younger teens. I think the earnest way young teens participate in fandom led to it being seen as cringe, just like many other fandoms. Also, even outside of its problematic content, DR's plot can be weird and, frankly, even completely ridiculous. Similar to hom/estuck, I think this esotericness adds to people's kneejerk reaction to it when hearing about it second hand.
•The tendency of tumblr to turn on popular media when the magic is gone. This is something I've noticed with a lot of tumblr's number 1 big fandoms. Once a lot of people's interest in it starts wearing off, for some reason people will pivot to hating it. It happened with T/MA a little, it happened with Und/ertale, it happened with S/U, and so many other fandoms that tumblr went crazy over initially. Maybe its because these fandoms became so vocal they started to annoy those not participating, so they started to meme and make fun of it and its fans. Then, when people start to leave as their interests change, they join in on the teasing to displace the shame they might've felt from being teased. Eventually, people usually turn around and come to appreciate the piece of media casually again. That didn't really happen with DR... probably because of the other three reasons.
DR gained this reputation of being "irredeemable, problematic, cringe media" with a toxic fanbase and never shook it off. Before I played DR, I knew nothing about it except that tumblr hated it, for some reason. I had learned literally nothing else through fandom osmosis! And I think that general feeling, that Good People who like Unproblematic Things* (*requirement of being a good person) would never touch DR with a 10 foot pole outside of to make fun of it, sticks with people.
So when people finally check it out, usually through irony-poisoned letsplays of it, and end up actually liking it, they don't know what to do with themselves. How do you balance genuinely liking this piece of media with the site-wide perception youve grown so used to? With the idea that everyone will hate you if they know you like it, that you are a bad person for even posting about it? And thats how you get everyone's first DR post having a caption essentially communicating "im so sorry for posting about dr- I know its terrible and associating myself with this game makes me look disgusting- people who've followed me up until now, please dont hate me!"
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liverpool-enjoyer · 1 month
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hey yall forewarning this is easily the most embarrassing post ive ever made on here. like im not talking normal levels of tumblr cringe/oversharing, i mean youre probly gonna judge me and think somethings genuinely wrong with me. but i really need to get it off my chest so. yolo.
also tldr at the end in case you wanna spare yourself lmao.
mkay so recently i havent been online, because ive been really sad. and the reason im sad is that gavi got a girlfriend. which i realize is probly the stupidest and most juvenile thing to be sad over but hear me out (or dont lmao its a free country do whatever you want).
its not like i ever thought i had a chance with him or anything, im not stupid. but ive known for a very long time that, due to my asexuality (and other things but mostly that), i am never going to have love in my life. so for me, daydreaming and fantasizing about being gavis girlfriend was like,,, how i coped, i guess. it was a form of escapism for me. and now i cant do that anymore bc hes someones boyfriend and fantasizing abt another girls boyfriend just feels wrong. and pathetic.
it doesnt help that all my social medias have algorithmed so that hes all over all my feeds. and to be honest, looking at him just makes me think of his beautiful girlfriend who has everything i could ever want and i feel this horrible awful nauseating feeling in my stomach and i feel envious and sad and a slew of other things. it sucks that someone who once unknowingly made me so happy now does the exact opposite but hey what can you do.
i know it sounds stupid, but i dont think i'll ever feel for someone the way i feel about him. hes the most beautiful person ive ever laid eyes on and oh God i was right this does sound stupid ok lets continue
oh and let me be clear (you hafta read that in obamas voice) im aware that feeling this way toward a complete stranger (or anyone for that matter, but like especially a complete stranger) is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. unfortunately, knowing that my feelings and thoughts are unhealthy doesnt stop me from having them.
so yeah. now that ive lost my form of escapism, all i can think about at any given moment is how lonely im going to be. its hard to enjoy much of anything these days when all im thinking about is how im never going to receive romantic love, and now i cant even daydream about dating gavi to cope with it. because all i can think about when i try to is how hard his girlfriend would laugh if she found out some pathetic worm halfway across the world was fantasizing about her man.
so yeah thats it. i know that every time i angst abt my asexuality (which is a LOT like holy shit why do ppl still follow me), my friends tell me that its ok because im going to find someone someday. and i appreciate it, i really do. it means the world. but my friends saying that i'll find love doesnt make it true. plenty of people have died alone and unloved before, and i am going to be one of them.
tldr: a guy ive never met got a girlfriend n im having a depressive episode abt it LMAOOOO
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luvyuki0 · 2 months
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Amber ── .✦01.
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✦ Summary: In which Esme and Hoseok fall in love but of course with love comes trouble especially when you're dating an idol.
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"JUST SHUT UP! PLEASE!" Her cries echoed throughout the house, covering her ears as she laid on the floor. She couldn't deal with it anymore, the constant gaslighting and the mental abuse was getting to the point where it was too much. "I should've listened when they warned me, but nah I ignored them 'cause my dumbass didn't know any better, cutting the people I loved off FOR YOU! just so that you could be happy, for us to be happy!" She screamed while crying. He stood there confused as if he didn't know why she was crying, as if he wasn't the reason her mental health depleted and still is. when she finally looked up at him all that could be seen in her face was disgust. Disgust with they were he was looking and acting towards her over the years. "You know what I'm done with this bullshit." She got up wiping her tears, leaving the male's apartment ignoring all sounds and stares she received. All she could think about was why she never realized sooner......
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Esme's POV:
        "Should I be doing this right now?" Biting my fingers anxiously as my decorated camera sat on my bed. I knew I would have to come back to making YouTube videos eventually,as it was all I knew and I would be nothing without it and my subscribers. I just never expected it to feel so foreign to me. Honestly I don't even know if I'm ready to get back but I know many of my fans miss me, and of course theres some who thought I'd be gone for good, and honestly I don't blame them for that knowing I did take a 6-month break with no heads up, not only on YouTube but on all my social media platforms, kinda like I just disappeared but if not now then  when?
I sigh grabbing my camera and turning it to start recording. "Hey guys! I know it's been a while and y'all are probably wondering where I've been, what I've been doing and more some of y'all were right and I did break up with Rome but I'm not gonna go into full details about it, cause I'm not ready yet when I am though you guys will know the full story and understand why I took a break but lemme not ruin the mood it's a time of comebacks and celebration! now I am going to get back on my routine, posting weekly and spamming my socials!" As I speak, I can just feel some of the weight I've been holding on being lifted off my chest.
I clasp my hands together before I continue talking. "To be honest with y'all I wasn't even going to start recording again this soon, but Jazmine and her Lil boo invited me and one of his friends to a trip to Hawaii!!! Like y'all don't understand how hyped I am right now! Like I may regret this later but who am I to say no to a trip to Hawaii." I shrug my shoulders jokingly.
"I didn't plan much for this video honestly, but I did want this video and the Hawaii flight video to be separate, and since I and Jaz are going tomorrow imma drop COCO off at my mom's, and hopefully jaz is gonna be home by the time I get back so we can pack together and hopefully make some cute matching fits." I explain to my viewers what I have planned for the day though it wasn't much. (A/N: coco is the name of her Pomeranian I didn't put her in the characters cus she wouldn't be mentioned much💀)
"Come here coco! Y'all why he tryna act like he dont know mee! get a hold of Coco who was trying to run away, I grab my keys, slip on my slides, and lock my door, leaving my apartment complex as I make my way to my car.
I prop my camera on my dashboard, so it won't fall, and put on Apple Music to play "Normal Girl". "As always y'all we're gonna stop by Starbucks so I can try a drink I saw going viral on TikTok then I'll head over to my mom's house to drop coco off." I look back at coco than at my camera as I speaking
"So, this is the drink I got and y'all already know I had to get my grilled cheese! Tew good." I showcase my order to my camera as I get the drink and my grilled cheese sandwich. I eat and drink my order as I make my way over to my mom's house.
I get there and ring the doorbell repeatedly to which she opens the door. "Esme gimme the damn dog so I can go back to sleep too damn early for this shit" she speaks groggily with an attitude.
"It's actually one though...and I don't even get a hello wooow" I joke with her knowing we were on the phone last night.
"Esme quit playin' with me and give me the damn dog."
"Damn here, Bye coco bye mama." I hand her coco and walk back to my car hearing her hum bye back.
"Ok so now that I dropped Coco off imma just head back home and hopefully Jaz is back so we can pack together." I talk to my camera as I start driving back home. . . . . .
I finally get back, unlocking my door to see Jaz in the kitchen getting a snack. "Oh, hey Esme" she turns and greets me.
"Hey sweetheart, did u have fun with your Lil boo," I ask with a smirk.
"Girl yes I have to fill you in on literally everything so fir-".
I cut her off before she started ranting on about what she and Yoongi did. "Before you even start let's pack while you tell me what y'all did because I know you ain't start yet and I know you gon be talking for a good minute. "
"You right" she laughs knowing what I said was true.
We both go into my room and start packing for the trip tomorrow.
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A/N: I edited this chapter WAYY more than the second time and I'm actually happy with the beginning chapter and I made this chapter before the whole Starbucks boycott  so that's why they were mentioned I DO NOT SUPPORT them at all not even to the slightest degree
Please like and comment 🙏🏾
— 1089 words —
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woomycritiques543 · 1 year
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TW: Visuals of Blackface, Trans erasure, Transphobia.
Well then…
Sure makes the fact that Vivziepop supported Blaire White, even if she doesn’t want to admit that, had caused her to have internalized transphobia since EVERY trans character is pushed entirely into the background to the point of barely being visible or is only mostly there for fanservice (trans fetishisim) with no actual role yet at all, in the story…
Yeah… Vivziepop’s “I was NEVER transphobic I just liked Blaire because she was pretty! I didn’t know that she was a transphobe even AFTER I already saw her transphobia but defended it as “a normal political discussion” just because I didn’t want to admit to the fact that I supported a transphobe so I pulled a “I forgor!” in my “apology” to pretend as if I didn’t remember anything- when I clearly remembered the tweets that I was pretending that I “didn’t” see “yet” enough for me to mention the “insensitive tweets” that I “didn’t see until after I watched her and drew the fanart and realized my terrible mistake AFTER I watched her videos and saw her tweets AFTER I supported her!” like I said in my “apology” and instead saw WHILE I was watching Blaire White because I SUPPORTED HER for her transphobia, aka her entire channel, and pretended as if what she did was a “simple political discussion to disagree with” and “not” TRANSPHOBIA AND RACISM! Which means that I do remember supporting a transphobe, and her transphobia, but just dont want to admit it because REASONS!” that are in her apology hasn’t aged well… hasn’t it…
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(What Vivziepop actually said compared to what she said she “did”…)
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AKA: Vivziepop made a false apology, lying about what she did and weaponized her trauma again, writing an entire speech about “seeing things from all sides!” when she specifically supported transphobes, and didn’t do this as a “perspective thing” since she drew fanart of Blaire White, a transphobe, and actually saw the “insensitive tweets”, not “after” she supported Blaire but WHILE she supported Blaire and even DEFENDED the existence of said tweets that she claims that she did “not” see at the time where she made said fanart. When all Blaire White’s channel is, is transphobia anyway, so either way Viv couldn’t cover up her own transphobia even if she tried. Her post directly defending the existence of transphobia by calling it a “political discussion we “should!” have (the “trans are politics!” code word transphobes say to alienate people that are trans.) and saying that she’s “allowed!” to support transphobes just because she doesn’t “CATER!” to her audience. When let’s face it:
What’s worse than a past transphobe, is a past transphobe that refuses to admit to her past transphobia. A transphobe, that still has transphobia that she clearly has today due to the past influences that she refuses to own up to… which in itself: is transphobia.
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When:
1. “Political Discussion that we should allow to exist! I DONT CARER TO U!” and being a bigot aren’t the same thing. Transphobia isn’t a simple political discussion Vivienne.
2. The way Vivziepop replied here very much implies that she knew about the transphobia in advance, which is why she got so defensive about it.
3. She already saw the “insensitive tweets”, and cant make the “I FORGOR!” excuse anymore like she did after Hazbin came out when she clearly remembers what she responded to, despite lying and saying that she “didn’t” see those tweets at that point, when she clearly did and even SUPPORTED the existence of said tweets from some she drew fanart of and all mentioning those tweets did was blow her cover.
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So all of this “I JUST WANTED TO SEE DIFFERENT SIDES!” speech about how “good faith my simple mistake was!” was a total lie and she actually defended Blaire for said “insensitive tweets” that she tries to deny that she saw at the time, when she defended the existence of these posts and tried to call transphobia and racism a “important discussion”, which is transphobia.
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She also tried to go “I DONT SUPPORT BLACK FACE!” as in “I NEVER SUPPORTED BLACK FACE!” when she clearly did, it’s right in the post that she’s denying existed 👆
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When Blaire’s post says “BLAIRE BLACK!” in reference to the mask she was wearing AS blackface, and is clearly mocking Black Lives Matter, was posted in the BLM tag to harasss them- for being black: which is RACISM!
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Blaire of course, denied all of this, and only showed the mask picture in her fake as all hell “apology!” video, and per usual, used misinformation to mislead her audience, but that’s another post-full altogether…
So in a nutshell:
Vivziepop supported a transphobe and her transphobia, lied about it to make herself look “good faith”, which ironically, is worse for her reputation since that means that she denied what she actually did and never apologized for it, which means that she never apologized for how she treated the trans community, which still makes this a current action and something to currently hold accountable since she currently lied about it in her “apology” to make what she did look “goos faith” and outright denied being a transphobe at all, which means that she still supports this since she lied about it to make herself look “good”instead of admitting to the fact that she supported a transphobe and a drew Nazi oc of a real Nazi scientist that tested on children.
-annnnnnnnnnd… she shoved all of her trans characters into the background and even ERASED a trans character just because he was directly on screen in HB Episode 5.
Yikes.
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kineticallyanywhere · 9 months
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Matt "I can and will remind everyone that Link is REALLY wierd about Normal with like no real explination at this point" Arnold out here like "let me see if I can underminine my entire point in this character arc defining interaction" and I unironically love him for it Link is SUCH a messy b word rn
(this turned into a long response, let's talk Fascinating Character Flaws!)
I dont think it's so much that he's weird about Normal, if I'm understanding what you mean by 'weird', especially in this episode. I feel like it circles back to what I keep thinking about, which is his newest teen fact. the one where he-- does this count as poisoning? he made other children ill in a fit of jealousy for anyone having any time with his dads.
listen, I've had many homeschooled friends. At one point in college I was the "actually went to public school" member of the friend group. People can go in and out of homeschooling and be... not whatever the heck Link has going on. I was excited for him when that fact started, like, "oh he was part of a cohort!" until uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!
(the following are thoughts that I'm still developing in my head as I type and probably after I post)
whether it's due to the overprotective parenting or just Link's nature or a Symptom of a Condition (op has their own Condition but is not a psychologist) Link's got an issue with like. not getting what he wants? not usually in super obvious ways, it's not spelled out, he doesn't throw tantrums or anything. unless you count the thing at Normal about Normal not wanting to do "cool plans." and most of the time he doesn't want anything complicated, his wants have been pretty straight forward and in line with what anyone would want in these circumstances. he wants people to not die is the big major one, he wants to not feel betrayed again, he wants his friends to stop fighting, he wants to get this over with NOW. and he's been going through so much of not getting what he wants (COMPLETELY REASONABLE THINGS TO WANT, IN THIS CASE. TRAUMATIC THINGS TO NOT GET) that he seems to not know what he wants at all anymore.
like, his understanding of the world has been rocked so bad that he's pretty sure all those things I just listed just aren't things he can have. in the past whenever he needled his parents or acted out or did certain things he'd get what he wanted. not to say that he's spoiled but uh... okay yeah I am saying that a bit. but mostly in the ways that it keeps him from developing the coping mechanisms for when you ask something from life and it punches you in the teeth instead.
So in a world where he doesn't know how to get what he wants and maybe he isn't sure what he even can want, he's kinda just shutting down internally. In the mean time, he may as well make sure his friends get what they want, and then maybe at some point he'll want something again. so, in a way, what he wants is to feel and want something, so that "wants what he wants" part of him snapped out again at Normal with "well at least you're feeling something." in other words, "you have the thing that I want right now, and I'm gonna sound pretty bitter about not having it myself" which is an effed up thing to say when that thing he's having is a mental breakdown.
Link. Buddy. Bud. Kiddo. Pal. you need Help.
tl;dr and conclusion: imo for their mental health the party should split into Link & Taylor and Scary & Normal again for an episode or two. Norm and Scary for hopefully obvious reasons; and Link and Taylor because while Taylor is unquestionably a rich kid spoiled for material goods who is very good at wanting things, he is also a kid who's mom knows how to say "No. Absolutely Not. Give me the knife right now I don't care what seppuku is" and who's dad left an emotional void for over a decade that he is clearly adept in coping with and he could give Link some pointers.
also because it would be a cool callback and parallel to early episodes to do those pairs again. see how they've changed and stuff
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boxheadpaint · 3 months
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diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling
its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice
one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"
im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.
can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.
hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw
6/24/2024
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