#it feels exhausting and i no longer want to put myself through something like that agai

[fly-sky-high-09]

"Getting good at the game and overcoming the difficulty is so rewarding and feels good"

Can't relate

[bettsfic]

today is my birthday! i’m 33 today and i have done an ungodly amount of stupid shit in my life that honestly probably should have gotten me killed. so here are 33 hard-won things i’ve learned that i wish someone had told me sooner.

whenever you buy an object, you are going to own that object for your entire life unless you make the conscious decision to throw it away or give it a new home. maybe other people don’t struggle with this as much as i do, but i’ve grown to become a little exhausted by finding a thing and realizing i don’t want it anymore, but i don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything with it. signed, a woman with a packed 10x10 storage unit who is now extremely hesitant to buy new things.

food, and by that i mean good food (and by that i don’t necessarily mean healthy food, but food of good quality that you love), is necessary to live, and buying it, preparing it, and eating it is not a chore. the sooner you accept this and make food a priority in your life, the healthier you’ll be. 

speaking of food, not everything you buy should be the cheapest version of it. personally i’ve found it’s always worth it to splurge on good olive oil, butter, and canned tomatoes. for years i thought i was an awful cook because i was cooking with cheap, disgusting olive oil that made my food taste like shit.

speaking of food part 2, i can’t BELIEVE how long this took me to figure out, but mise en place is the real real. get your shit out and organized and prepped *before* you start cooking, even if it makes things take longer. and yes, it is always worth it to do the dishes as you go, which pisses me off.

when i was teaching myself how to cook and feeling daunted about it, the best advice i ever got was to aim to learn 15 recipes and then put them in rotation.

this is the most horrific and awful truth i have forced myself to accept: there may come a day you can no longer digest your favorite foods, and you will either have to stop eating them, or remain very close to a toilet. i’m sorry.

other people are always going to misperceive you and misunderstand you, sometimes willfully. other people’s opinions of you don’t actually have anything to do with you. they’re not your business, and you don’t have to worry about it or change yourself.

when innocuous or neutral things make you irrationally angry or upset, step back, realize you’re having a big reaction, and then when you’re ready, pay very close attention to the thing that upset you, because you’re about to learn something important about yourself.

a pill sorter can save your life. i don’t know how i managed my meds without one.

sometimes college is about learning stuff, and not about becoming something.

no matter how many perfectionist tendencies you have, it’s worth it to remind yourself that no matter how much of a mess you actually are, you deserve to be loved.

if you’re always forgetting to do important but tedious things, set an alarm and set aside one hour of each week, not to do the important tedious things, but to assess what needs to be done, and *schedule* the important tedious things for the following week. this literally changed my life.

during that hour, make a meal plan too. the point of doing this is condense the time in which you’re making decisions (what to do, what to eat, etc) so you don’t have to burden yourself with them throughout the week. decision fatigue is real. any way you can alleviate that is a good thing.

learn the difference between aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive behavior. recognize when you’re being one of the first three, re-assess and aim for being assertive, even if it’s hard.

you can tell you’ve processed trauma, not when the traumatic thing stops upsetting you to think about, but when the traumatic thing takes up the same size in your brain as all your other memories.

if you’re one of those people who never seems to finish projects or follow through with things, there’s a chance you may just grow out of it naturally. until then, follow your interests and don’t feel bad about putting down a hobby to pick up another.

if you love stickers but have sticker anxiety, buy vinyl stickers. you can re-stick them.

there are only a few careers i can think of that you have to commit to early in life because getting the undergraduate credentials is a pain in the ass (teachers, doctors, and engineers, from my research). nearly everything else you can switch to later, which takes a LOT of pressure off having to figure out what you want to do with your life.

people say there’s no money in becoming an artist, writer, musician, etc. actually there’s a ton of money in all of those things, it’s just in the stuff other people want you to make and never what you want to make. it’s still worth it to develop the creative skill and not force yourself into business school because it’s more “practical” or whatever. 

sleep when you’re tired. SLEEP WHEN YOU’RE TIRED. don’t beat yourself up about it, don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t be tired or that you’ve already slept too much, just take a fucking nap. you would never say “hm i’ve already had enough water today, therefore i should not be thirsty” so don’t treat sleep the same way.

when you build a piece of furniture from target or ikea or whatever, the first thing you should do is count all the little screws and things to make sure everything’s there that should be. it sucks to get halfway into putting something together only to find there’s a piece missing and you have to go buy it.

learn to travel by yourself, go out to eat by yourself, see a movie by yourself. in my early 20s i was scared to do these things, but i do them so often now i don’t even think about it. it’s the most fulfilling skill i’ve ever learned.

adding to the above, if you’re a people-pleaser, being alone is especially important, because you’ve probably developed the habit of making the people you’re with more comfortable and happy than yourself, and you’re missing a lot of the beautiful and interesting things around you. when you’re by yourself, you can focus on what *you* want without guilt. 

sometimes you’ll want to break things off with a friend for reasons that are no one’s fault, and you don’t want it to be volatile or make a big thing of it, in which case the goal is to simply fade out of their life. it is okay to let people go.

shame is useless. get rid of it.

no matter how much of yourself you put into your art (or writing, or music, or whatever), when people criticize it, they are not criticizing you. they are having a reaction colored by their own tastes and perspectives. their opinion of your work has nothing to do with you. you don’t have to take everyone’s feedback. in fact you don’t have to take anyone’s feedback. the other side to this coin unfortunately is that compliments don’t have anything to do with you either. it’s good to accept this because it means you’ll stop seeking validation from other people and won’t let anyone else’s perspectives impact your work. anything nice anyone says about your work is merely a bonus to an already good thing.

if you’re an artist of any kind, take one day a year to look up opportunities like grants, funding, residencies, workshops, whatever. put the due dates of all of them on a calendar for the year following and get into the habit of applying for stuff. getting rejected sucks, application fees suck, but in all the years i’ve been doing this, it has always, always been worth it. these things give you a chance not only to help fund and support what you’re passionate about, but they force you to take your own work seriously, and that is something that’s absolutely necessary in order to be successful.

you must become your own greatest advocate. in all respects--in health, in love, in happiness, in freedom, you must. no one will ever fight as hard for you as you will. this in turn will give you the strength and motivation to help others fight for themselves too. the only way the world will ever get better is if every person on this planet learns to see themselves as equals to everyone around them.

brag about yourself as often as you can. for one, people develop their perceptions of you based on how you treat yourself and speak about yourself. but for two, it’s the fastest way to figure out which people to keep in your life, because they’re the ones who are going “oh hell yeah, you’re awesome.” 

be the person other people want to brag to.

at some point in your life, someone is going to hurt you, and it’s going to be willful and intentional. it is not worth it to waste brain space figuring out why they did it or why you think you deserved it. all you have to do is let yourself feel that pain, acknowledge it, and try to move on.

no matter how bad off you think you are, recovery is possible. the first and hardest step is to learn you’re worth the time and effort it takes to recover from the awful things that have happened to you.

developing an expertise does not mean you’re getting objectively better at something. becoming an expert is only the process of seeing your mistakes and having the patience to sit in the discomfort of not knowing how to fix them.    

[cultofdixon]

Within Your Warmth

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • Y/N finally found a place to sleep and Daryl was going to hit anybody that disturbs her • SFW • TW: Sleep Deprivation

Requested by: Anon

“You coming to the bonfire Rick has going on later?” Rosita asks Y/N while she was in the middle of her fifth task of the day, pantry restock.

“Yeah, if I’m not too exhausted”

“Well there will be alcohol. The new dude Greyson found a case of beers on his run the other day with Eugene.” Rosita hopped up on the only stool in the pantry watching her best friend work. “Even Eugene found a good scotch”

“Now that’s what I’m here for” Y/N laughs lightly finishing the canned goods and about to start putting away the new jarred stuff from Oceanside. “Do you know if Daryl is gonna be there?”

Y/N could sense the smirk on her face resulting in a groan as Rosita quickly popped off the stool bringing herself up behind her bestie.

“The Daryl Dixon? The one you’ve been crushing on since longer before I came along?”

“Yes. That Daryl Dixon”

“So…if Daryl were to come then you’d for sure come?”

“I guess—“ and with that Rosita left the pantry, leaving a confused Y/N to continue doing what she was doing before heading onto the next task.

The bonfire was happening at Alexandria. They rotate through the communities every couple days to keep the connection between their families…even if Maggie doesn’t want to step foot in Alexandria as long as he lives. Daryl was currently residing in the Sanctuary after being tasked to keep an eye on the community which felt more like a punishment and only two people understood that. Carol and Y/N. When Rosita left to find him, she half expected him to be inside yelling at someone. Instead he was working on the gardening plots with a green thumb from the Kingdom and a few Saviors that turned for good.

“Dixon” Rosita brought on her tough exterior when talking to the man in hopes that her asks would be given a positive answer. “I have to ask you something”

“If it’s about the bonfire bullshit, I’m going”

“It’s about——“ Rosita paused, relaxing her shoulders. “Wait. Seriously?”

“Rick asked, so did Aaron. You just missed them” Daryl handed the hoe off to one of the Saviors so he could get close to Rosita. “Why are you askin’?”

“It’s more so trying to get another to go tonight.”

“Huh?”

“Y/N said she’d go if you do…so does that confirm the mutual feeling that brews between the two of you?” Rosita smirks trying to get more out of the archer but he continued to have the same deadpan look from before. Her shoulders instantly slumped and the smirk faded. “Alright, loverboy…I’ll see you tonight”

“Mhm” Daryl let out a small chuckle before returning to work while Rosita headed off.

As the night came and the bonfire was starting, Daryl leaned against the picnic table holding all the goodies they brought out scanning around the intimate event in search for Y/N. Who so happened to be the last to arrive even if she lives in the vicinity.

“Where the hell have you been?” Rosita pulled Y/N aside when she was about to make small talk with someone.

“Uh. My watch shift? I just got relieved”

“What the hell?”

“What? I wasn’t gonna halt my work load for the day to doll myself up for a man who’s probably equally as tired as I am”

“Well hate to disappoint but the man is question” Rosita gently took a hold of her chin, directing her to look at Daryl while he was in the middle of a conversation with Gabriel. “Seems to have showered and dressed nicer than usual. I wonder who it’s for”

Y/N can’t deny that Daryl did indeed look extremely well put together. Did everything they used to beg him to do when they first arrived to Alexandria.

“I’m gonna go see how he’s doing” Y/N shot a smile his way which definitely caught his attention, but when she parted from Rosita to make her way over…she got stopped by Ezekiel and couldn’t just cut her friend off.

Daryl felt his small smile falter when she got pulled away not just once, but a handful of times throughout the night. He hasn’t even seen her eat or drink anything. Y/N was very popular that night and everybody wanted to talk to her, he wanted too as well but no window opened.

Until she was sat in one of the outdoor chairs by the fire, Daryl instantly took the empty one beside her and watched her tiredly look at him.

“Sorry was this—-“

“I’ve been trying to talk to you all night…” Y/N sighs, finally relaxing and keeping her attention on him. “I miss you”

The heat instantly made itself present on the tips of his ears as he tried to fight back a smile.

“Missed yea too sunshine”

The two caught up on what the other has missed regarding their community, ending with Y/N talking about how much Rick is an idiot for having Daryl watch the Sanctuary. A few share that same thought but hers had a whole other meaning.

“You staying the night here?”

“Yeah, figured they’d survive a night without me” Daryl scoffs finishing his beer as Y/N curled up slightly in her chair to get more comfortable.

“Well…I still stay at Rick and Michonne’s. No one touched your room if you’d like to stay there”

“I was actually planning on it…”

“Good” Y/N continues to hold her smile that he will always take a mental picture of. Before she could get another word, Rick quickly cut in to ask Daryl himself about any updates for the Sanctuary.

Which lead the exhaustion to finally hit Y/N after a long day.

When his conversation ended by Rick running off to catch up with Ezekiel, Daryl was going to return to his with Y/N but noticed she fell asleep in her chair. So instead of waking her, he sat with her and made sure no one disturbed her.

Daryl shooed away people, even tossed his empty beer bottle at Aaron who tried to start a conversation (thankfully he caught it)…eventually he got up from his spot and carefully picked up Y/N bridal style which led her to stir awake enough to realize what was happening.

“Oh…”

“You’re alright, imma take yea home”

“Okay, long day” Y/N mumbles resting her head against his chest closing her eyes once more.

On the way to the Grimes residence, Rosita and Michonne went up to make sure Y/N was okay but Daryl quickly gave them a look to back off gently. Nothing was wrong. Thankfully they both understood.

“Who woulda thought it took having Y/N do a lot of shit today to have this tonight” Michonne stated, taking a sip of her scotch as Rosita choked on her beer.

“You’re also trying to get them together?”

“Please. I’ve been trying since our prison days. At least she can finally rest easy tonight…it’s been hard for her with Daryl at the Sanctuary”

“I bet…” Rosita continued to watch the two walk off before leaning close to Michonne with a smirk. “What’d yea win in the bet with Carol?”

“Three night shifts for the bridge camp”

“Nice”

Once they got inside the house and upstairs to Y/N’s room, Daryl gently laid her in the bed before grabbing a blanket draping it over her carefully. What he least expected, Y/N gently took his wrist tugging him back to the bed as he caught the hint or so he thought by bringing him low enough for her to wrap his arms around him.

“Lay with me…”

“Are you su—-“

“I’ve missed you so much Daryl, I’m not letting go of you that easily”

The archer didn’t wait another moment and quickly kicked off his shoes before climbing into the bed laying on top of her. Y/N let him adjust to where his head rested comfortably on her chest letting her run her fingers through his hair.

A satisfied sigh left Daryl’s lips holding her as she held him in a way where she wasn’t going to let go easily.

And he’s thankful for that

[tangledupinyellow]

A Hard Day's Night | Joel Miller X F!Reader

authors note: after a hell of a lot of internet problems, here's a little something that's been chilling in my drafts!

summary: You’ve been waiting all day for Joel to come home from work.

warnings/tags: 18+, no use of y/n, no outbreak au, nicknames (darling, baby girl, good girl), oral (m receiving), praise kink, some face fucking, Joel finishing in readers mouth

word count: 1.8k

You knew that sound all too well, the sound of the front door creaking open, followed by a groan and a rustle of a jacket being taken off. Joel had gotten off late yet again from his shift, something you were used to by now.

You were still up, lying in bed while staring at the ceiling with your hands folded on your chest. You always had trouble sleeping without Joel by your side, which kept you awake while waiting for him to come home. Even after years of dating, you couldn’t sleep without knowing he wasn’t there next to you.

Joel groggily slipped off his shoes and went straight to the living room couch, just dying to sit down. He let out a satisfied groan, the feeling of sitting down on something comfortable being just what he needed.

He tiredly rubbed his face and eyes, trying to regain some energy. His body was sore, and his head was pounding. These late nights at work were starting to take a toll on him. 

Leaning back against the couch, he tried to relax, seeking any comfort he could from the soft cushions. He took his head out of his hands and ran them through his hair with a sigh. It was a relief to finally be back home.

You threw your legs off the bed and put your robe on, making your way out of the bedroom to go and check on him to see how his day was. Furrowing his eyebrows, he looked over when he heard the bedroom door open.

“I thought you were asleep,” Joel mumbled. His voice made it easy to tell how tired he was. He sounded like he had just woken up and was still half asleep.

You shook your head, tying up your robe while walking over to him, “Can’t sleep without you. I wanted to wait ‘till you got home.” You offered him a smile before sitting beside him on the couch.

Joel sighed and shook his head, feeling guilty, “You don’t need to wait for me, darlin’. You need your sleep too, y’know.” He looked at you, dark circles forming underneath his eyes.

You put your hand on his head and shook your head once more, “Can’t fall asleep without you even if I tried,” you told him simply, “Besides, I like being up when you get home. I wanna hear about your day even if it’s nearly midnight.”

He chuckled at this before leaning back against the couch to try and relieve the soreness he felt all over his body, “Wasn’t all that excitin’. I was outside for most of the day, doin’ a lot of hands on work. God, I’m gettin’ too old for this.” He laughed.

You laughed softly with him and rubbed his knee, “Ready to climb into bed?”

Joel thought to himself for a moment before shaking his head, “Thought I’d stay up for a little bit longer, grab something to eat or watch some tv,” he shrugged, “Wanna enjoy myself for at least a little while before I gotta get back to work.”

You nodded understandingly and kept your eyes on him while he reached forward to grab the remote that was sitting on the coffee table. Leaning back in his seat, he pointed the remote to the television to turn it on.

Joel flipped through the channel, his eyes glued on the screen while the light illuminated his face. You, on the other hand, had your eyes glued to him.

You had missed him all day, and you hated to see him so exhausted and beat up from a long, hard day of work.

You squeezed his knee gently and sighed softly while you looked at him, wanting to do whatever you could to make him feel better. And you knew a few ways to instantly boost his mood, especially a few that you would enjoy.

With a slight smirk forming on the corner of your lips, you kissed his cheek before getting off the couch.

Joel looked back over at you with an unmistakable look of confusion on his face. But that look of confusion slowly turned into realization when he saw you get on your knees right in front of him. His eyes widened slightly, there was a faint blush on his cheeks, and his dick twitched in his pants, anticipating what was about to come.

You kept your eyes on him as you unzipped his pants with ease, licking your lips. You enjoyed this just as much as he did. You always loved to make him feel good, and this was one of your favorite ways.

And you knew that this would help him relax almost instantly after a long, long day.

“Darlin’, fuck..” Joel groaned as he watched you pull down his underwear, his cock standing straight up with the tip leaking out a little bit of pre cum.

“I want to help you relax.” You whispered, rubbing his thighs slowly, glancing between his dick and his lust-filled eyes.

Joel bit his lower lip as he stared at you and let out another quiet groan before leaning back in his seat, his arms spread around the couch with his head resting on the cushion. He slowly closed his eyes, allowing himself to fully relax and focus on how you were making him feel.

With a gentle grip, you grabbed the base of his cock and gave it a couple of strokes, your mouth already watering at the sight. He twitched in your hand, and you loved making him wait just a little bit longer and seeing how badly he needed you.

While keeping your eyes on him, you slowly put his tip into your mouth, causing him to suck in a deep breath. He gripped onto the couch cushions while he stared at you, watching your every move. The feeling of his dick in your mouth was one of his most favorite feelings to experience. Each time, it only got better and better, and he could never get sick of it. It was like a drug for him.

You closed your eyes while keeping a tight grip on the base of his cock, easing up and down on the tip with your mouth. You licked over his tip, his pre cum all over your tongue. He moaned at the sensation and stared down at you, slowly moving one of his hands to tangle into your hair.

“Fuck, too damn good at this.” He already sounded out of breath as he spoke. And you’ve barely even started. You’ve just always had this effect on him.

You smirked slightly at his praise and started to take him a little deeper, keeping it gradual while you moved up and down his cock with your mouth.

His eyes were glued onto you, unable to look away. He was mesmerized.

You moved your hand up and down along with your mouth, keeping a tight grip while you went in deeper, knowing precisely what he liked and what he wanted. A moan that left his lips confirmed that for you.

Spit drooled out from your mouth and onto your hand as you quickened up your pace, getting deeper with each time you went back down onto his dick. His breathing was getting hitched, and he tangled his fingers up in your hair, starting to guide you with his hand.

“Mmm yeah, just like that baby girl…” Joel groaned out as he guided your mouth up and down his dick with his hands in your hair.

You hummed against his cock in response and kept going, just like how he wanted.

He rubbed your head and kept his hand in your hair, leaning his head further back so that you could see the veins in his neck when you would glance up at him occasionally. 

Your hand moved at the same pace with your mouth, wanting to give him the most pleasure possible. You could feel yourself getting wet in your panties from all of the moans and quiet whimpers you heard from him. With each praise he gave you, you felt yourself getting even wetter. There was nothing better than making him feel like this.

“That’s it, fuck…” Joel moaned a little louder and gripped your hair, a slight growl leaving his throat, “Such a good girl on your knees for me like this…”

When you heard him, a little whimper came from your mouth as well. You could listen to him praise you for hours on end. It made this just as enjoyable and fun for you as it was for him.

You had to resist the urge to reach down to touch yourself, wanting to focus on just him and only him. You wanted to make him feel good, and for now, that was your main focus.

Joel’s lips were parted ever slightly as he stared at you through his eyelashes, his chest heaving up and down slowly. How you looked back up at him with such beautiful big eyes was just what he needed after a hard day of work. All he needed was you.

Spit drooled out from your mouth as you tried to go as deep as you possibly could while still keeping up with the quick pace. Each time, you went deeper than the last, and Joel would let out a moan each time you did.

You could feel that he was getting close by the way his dick twitched in your mouth, and his whimpers became more frequent. You knew this man like the back of your hand, and you knew just what you needed to do to help him finish.

You kept a tight grip and just focused on bringing him to his climax. His hands moved down from your hair onto your shoulders, digging his nails into your shirt. You could feel him shaking just slightly as he held you, signaling he was getting closer.

“Mmm, fuck… Fuck m’gonna cum baby girl…” Joel drew out as he kept his eyes on you, panted breaths leaving his parted lips.

You squeezed and scratched his naked thighs gently, almost as if giving him permission to finish. 

One hand gripped onto your shoulder while the other grabbed your hair as he leaned back with a loud moan, spurts of his come flooding into your mouth. You hummed quietly and closed your eyes as you took in every last drop, slowly pulling away and licking his tip cheekily while staring up at him.

Joel had his eyes on you the entire time. He chuckled quietly, letting out a sigh, “You sure do know how to make me feel better, don’t ya?” He laughed, his heart rate still beating rapidly.

You chuckled along with him and licked your lips before slowly sitting back on the couch with him, pecking his lips gently before responding with a grin, “I always do.”

[vipwinnie]

Smoking Problem

Theodore Nott x reader

Summary : Theo has always been addicted to cigarettes but this time it was too much

Y/N's POV

I sat in Theo's bedroom with tears in my eyes as cigarette smoke filled the air. I watched my boyfriend, his face contorted with anger, smoking one cigarette after another. This habit had become a gap between us, an impassable wall. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn't think this would be a problem. But as time passed, I realized how cigarettes had taken over his life. I spoke to him repeatedly about the dangers to his health, to our relationship, but my words seemed to be lost in the smoke. Arguments had become commonplace. Every time I asked him to stop, he got defensive, arguing that he could smoke if he wanted. The tension between us continued to grow, until that fateful day. That day, the argument reached a level I never thought possible. My words were filled with frustration and disappointment, and his were laced with anger and resistance. The ring he had given me, a symbol of our love and our promises, had become a silent witness to our imminent destruction. In a fit of rage, I stood up, tears streaming down my cheeks, and threw the ring on the floor. The sound of metal against tile echoed through the room, marking the end of our love story. The silence that followed was deafening. But no sooner had the ring hit the ground than something unexpected happened. The boy suddenly stopped shouting and his face showed surprise. He looked down and saw the ring on the ground. The anger faded from his face, giving way to sadness and regret. He immediately picked up the ring, his hands trembling, and rushed over to give it back to me. He wanted to be forgiven, to repair his mistakes. But it was too late. I had already made my decision.

Theodore’s POV

I sat alone in my bedroom, my heart heavy and my mind tormented by the violent argument with my girlfriend. The days that followed were hell, a descent into the depths of sadness and distress. I found myself in a terrible state, unable to control my emotions. Tears flowed almost constantly, flooding my face as I remembered the harsh words we had thrown at each other. Every thought of her reminded me of our argument and the pain that came from it. Sleep was my worst enemy. I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to find rest. Images of our quarrel haunted my dreams, waking me up in sweat and leaving me exhausted throughout the day. The food no longer had any taste. My appetite was gone, replaced by a lump of anxiety in my throat that prevented me from eating anything. Every bite felt like cardboard in my mouth, useless and tasteless. I felt lost, like a part of me had been ripped away. I found it difficult to concentrate on my daily tasks, my mind continually being flooded with thoughts of regret and sorrow. My life seemed like a collection of painful memories and empty feelings. Yet, despite all this pain, I knew I was responsible for our argument. I had let anger and frustration take over, instead of communicating constructively. I blamed myself for letting our relationship reach such a breaking point. The days passed slowly, each minute seemed to last forever.

One evening, while I was lying on the floor crying, my friends Draco and Blaise came to find me in my room. Blaise said:"Man, are you still thinking about her? You've got to move on." Draco chimed in:"Yeah mate, moping around isn't helping. You need to get back out there." I sighed."I know guys, it's just...we were together for so long. I miss her." Blaise put his hand on my shoulder."I understand. But sitting here won't change anything. You've got to go talk to her, sort things out." Draco nodded."He's right. You won't know if you have a chance unless you try. The worst she can say is no, and at least then you'll have your answer." I thought about it. They were right,  I had been moping around for long enough. I needed closure, one way or another. "Alright, I'm going to go look for her. Thanks for talking some sense into me guys." 

I finally decided to make a sincere declaration of love to her, in the hope that she would forgive me. I took a deep breath and walked towards where we used to meet, a bench near the lake. When I saw her, my heart soared. She was there, sitting on the bench where we had shared so many happy moments. Her face was full of sadness, but I could still see the love she felt for me. I took a deep breath and approached her. "Y/N," I began with a shaky voice, "I'm so sorry for everything that happened between us. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I sincerely regret every harsh word that I could say. You are the most important person in my life, and I can't imagine my life without you." She looked at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears. “I blame you, you know,” she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. "But I love you so much, and I can't stay mad at you forever." I took a small box out of my pocket, containing the ring I had given him when we first started dating. "Y/N, I want you to know how much you mean to me. This ring symbolizes our love, and I want to give it back to you as a renewed promise. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to be the best boyfriend, to make you happy every day." Tears began to stream down her face as she took the box into her hands. She carefully opened it, revealing the sparkling ring inside. A radiant smile lit up her face, and she held out her hand so I could hand her the ring. “I forgive you,” she said softly, her eyes shining with happiness. "And I promise to give you another chance. I love you, and I want to be with you." I felt an immense relief wash over me as I slipped the ring onto her finger. I took his hand in mine and realized how lucky I was to have him in my life. We kissed, sealing our reconciliation and our renewed love.

[dvzaiosamu]

a nap with him.

short oneshot! genere: fluff. I hope you guys enjoy this, since it was the most requested oneshot... As I said, you are just going to take a nap with him (chuuya).

I hope you guys have a cute moment while you read! Don't be horny, you sinners... I know what you are.

The night submerges you in a strange—suffocating sensation while your head feels heavy as if you really had a stone instead of a head that houses a brain that controls you, isn't it something deliberately terrifying? You think as you open the door to your house, walk in and throw your cloak onto the hanger, sighing. You close the door and sleepily leave your shoes carefully next to it.

It looked like you had been drinking, but no, you weren't the type of person to drink alcohol, at least not at night. As you head to the bathroom, you turn on the light and look at your face in the mirror, it seemed as if you hadn't slept in days, you let out another sigh, you turn the handle of the faucet, you turn it on and watch as the water fell, you didn't know if the water moved or not, you were completely dead inside and out. You place your hands like a bowl and grab water in your hands, wetting your face, in an attempt to look better, but to no avail. Then you grab a towel with which you dry yourself, rubbing well, insisting on the ear area.

Once you're done, you hear some familiar footsteps, followed by the hallway light turning on. When you turn around, you see Chuuya's face, who looks like he just woke up. Somewhat embarrassed, you avoid his gaze, as if you were telling him that you regret waking him up, since after all, Chuuya worked longer hours and they were harder to finish. With a yawn he approaches you, and hugs you from behind, resting his head on your shoulder, slightly asleep. Bewildered by his action, you just give him a head kiss.

"...Chuuya, uhm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up, you must be really exhausted," you murmur to him quietly, but it's still audible to him. Your tone of voice seems like a symphony to him, a calming melody that dispels all his negative feelings.

"Really...? Is that what you're worried about? There's no need to apologize, I woke up myself," a soft whisper leaves his mouth, colliding with your neck, a warm wave like it's summer in the beach, a mezzo-soprano voice that now seemed a little deeper due to the effect of sleep.

"If you're sure about that, I don't have a problem... But hey, I'm really sleepy, shouldn't we go to sleep?" A tired voice is noticeable in you, it reveals your tiredness, as if it were an out of tune note on a piano, something was not right and you knew it.

“You're right about that, (first name), both you and I are so fucking tired we look like a couple of zombies,” a very sleepy laugh echoes through the bathroom, and you can't help but smile at him in amusement at his statement.

You let yourself be carried by his hand, which guides you towards the room, you cross the hallway towards the room, where without any shame you begin to undress little by little, in front of him, not as a sexual chronicle, but rather as an act of trust, that you can show him your body without feeling afraid that he will do something to you without your consent. You slide your clothes over your flesh and you are left in mere underwear, Chuuya for his part takes your pajamas out of the closet and stands in front of you waiting patiently for you to put them on. You do the same not long after, starting to put on your pajama pants, accompanied by its shirt, matching his pajamas. The casual clothes already worn, Chuuya decides to take control and head to the bathroom to put them in the laundry basket, where the dirty clothes had to be washed, turning off the bathroom light and finally the light in the hallway and bedroom, leaving it in complete darkness, there was only moonlight, and that was more than enough.

You get into bed, and you feel the blankets cover you, a smell of fresh and light lavender makes you want to fall asleep immediately, the duvet and flannels remind you of when you went to hotels when you were on vacation, those beds... they were very comfortable.

You feel Chuuya's body approaching, and you can deduce this by the simple fact of feeling a presence that emanated heat next to you, melting the coldness of your body. You and him were special, you had returned from work, your body was still cold, and Chuuya, who had given it time to warm up, was warm, the two temperatures melting together, giving you a pleasant feeling.

You two were hugging each other and it was one of the best positions. You were both face to face, close to each other, as if you were two souls that if separated would lose all their essence, at least you. Your head was resting close to his chest and you could hear his heartbeat, and on the other hand, he had his head resting on yours, while his arms wrapped around you protectively. Before the two of you could sleep, Chuuya wanted to make small talk out of curiosity.

"How was work today?"

“The same as always… Only today they didn't let me go at the scheduled time, they gave me a small night shift in exchange for a little more money, since the previous employee had left and they needed someone to replace him," you explain to your partner, and he seems to understand better why you came back later than him today, when normally you were always here before him.

"I understand..." his voice trailed off into a light sigh before he felt too sleepy to continue, so his eyes simply closed, as his calm breathing could be heard.

At one point, you also closed your eyes, as they were starting to hurt, so you had to rest them. You felt safe in his arms. The warmth of the blankets gave you an unrealistically relaxing feeling.

Sleeping was meant to feel this easeful?

I hope you liked it! Tell me what you think about this oneshot!

[sainzfilm]

hey! i love your writing so much and i was wondering if you could do a drabble of charles and reader (model or actress or smth) where they’re already in an established relationship but it’d secret to the fans (friends and family know tho) and reader wants to make it public, feeling like she’s always on the side and that he’s embarrassed but actually charles feels he’s not good enough for her bc she’s also famous and so many guys like her

pairing: charles leclerc x actress!reader

a/n: me wishing i could be in a secret relationship with anyone on my favs list….anyways hope you like this anon, thank you for requesting :)

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

“And the Academy Award for Best Actress goes to…Y/N Y/L/N!”

Charles couldn’t believe what he heard on television as he cheered for you from the hotel he was staying at. You did it– his girl got the most prestigious award for an actress and he couldn’t have been anymore prouder.

You looked ethereal as you walked up the stage, wearing the biggest smile on your face and the most elegant red gown. Taking the award from the presenter, you took a deep breath and raised it up high.

“Wow, this is just surreal! I never imagined myself on this stage, let alone holding this,” You laughed softly as you looked at the award in your hands, “There isn’t much to say. I’m grateful for all the love and support I’ve gotten for the past few years in my career. I’d never be here with out my family, my best friends, and a certain special someone in my life. This is all for them, thank you!”

Sitting on the bed, Charles couldn’t believe what he just heard. You had technically mentioned him in live television. It was if you were saying that your heart belonged to him, which somewhat eased up the doubts he’s had in his mind.

It wasn’t until a few hours later when Charles’ phone lit up from a Facetime call and he hurriedly picked it up, his heart fluttering when he saw your face.

“Congratulations, mon ange!” Charles exclaimed with a big smile on his face, “How’s my girl doing? Can’t believe I’m dating an Academy Award winner.”

“Thank you, my love,” You giggled as you laid back in bed, hair sprawled over as you lifted your phone above your face, “I feel exhausted but I really wanted to talk to you.”

“You should rest first,” Charles clicked his tongue as he shook his head, putting his arm behind his head, “You know I’ll be here when you wake up, baby.”

“I don’t wanna,” You pouted, which elicited a chuckle from your Monégasque lover, “I wanted to talk to you about something though, Cha.”

“Hm, what is it, mon ange?”

“You didn’t mind that I sort of revealed our relationship during my speech earlier, right?”

Charles frowned a bit, taking longer than usual to answer.

“Cha?” You whispered as your eyebrows furrowed, “Was my connection bad?”

“No, not at all. Sorry,” He mumbled as he sat up straighter, “I just- is it the right decision, baby?”

“I think it is,” You shrugged as you put your phone up against a pillow before laying on your side to face it, “We’ve been going steady for nearly a year and…I don’t know I just want to let everyone know that I’m taken by you, you know?”

“Mon ange…” Charles sighed as he rubbed a hand down his face, “Don’t get me wrong, I love you, but it’s just…”

“Just what, Charles? I’m not good enough for you?” You frowned as your bottom lip quivered, “Are you embarrassed of everyone else in the world knowing?”

“No, baby! It’s not that,” He said as he mirrored your expression, “It’s pretty much the other way around.”

“Huh? You think you’re not good enough for me?”

Charles looked down and nodded, “Yeah. You’re just so famous, you know? I’m like a tiny speck in your universe and all these guys want you, yet you chose me.”

Hearing Charles open up about what he felt shattered your heart. How could he ever think that way? He was beyond perfect– your dream guy rolled into one certain Monégasque Ferrari driver.

“Cha…” You pouted as you looked at him through your screen, “You’re so much more than enough for me. Who cares about those guys? You’re everything that I’ve ever yearned for in my life.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“Charles Leclerc, look at me,” You sternly said as he looked at you, “Who did I pick?”

“Me.”

“Who’s my boyfriend?”

Charles grumbled, “Me.”

“I love you. My heart is yours,” You smiled reassuringly, “You’re the only one I have eyes for. I promise.”

“I love you, mon ange,” He smiled softly back at you, “Sorry you have to put up with me.”

“I could say the same to you,” You chuckled as you looked at him lovingly, fighting back a yawn, “Whats yours is mine– burdens and joys.”

“Through burdens and joys, baby. Now, go to sleep, you need to rest. I’ll be here, I’ll stay in the call.”

Yawning as you nodded, slowly drifting off to sleep, “Goodnight, Cha. I love you.”

“Goodnight, mon ange, I love you.”

As you slept peacefully, Charles stared at the ceiling and thought how light his heart felt from your reassurance. You chose him. And, maybe, it is time to let the world know how much he loved you.

bonus scene!

Liked by carlossainz55, lorenzotl, and 982,431 others

charles_leclerc my girl just won the academy award for best actress last night. always proud of you, mon ange. you’re taking the world by a storm, i love you. 🤍

view all 187,831 comments

yourusername: my cha, my il predestinato 🤍 i love love love you more than words can say.

❤️ liked by charles_leclerc

leclercupdates: HOW WHAT WHEN WHERE they’re so cute!!! 😭

carlossainz55: ay cabrón, finally! and congrats to my friend, Y/N 😜

yourusername: thank you mr. smooth operator 😌

ynlovebot: IM SCREAMING I KNEW THIS WAS COMING FOR A LONG TIME

16leclerc: TELL ME ABOUT IT I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING MY PARENTS

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part one | part two | part three | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - underage drinking, throwing up, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol and yes i am 18) currently not proofread or written with pristine punctuation

word count - 2500+?? (i know its long but i had a bunch of ideas for the beginning)

this is also my first story so pls be kind :) also just wanted to mention that i wouldn’t have the courage to write and post if it werent for other writers on this app so i would just like to tag and thank a few accounts who inspired me to write<3

@lovingmattysposts @flowerxbunnie @strniohoeee @lacysturniolo @strawberrysturniolo @flynnriderishot @stuniolobbg 

~

for as long as i could remember, being the second option was all i knew. just always being the backup, never the go to.

this constant course of events led to my passion of reading and writing, pretty much consuming myself with content or sources that provided me with a sense of belonging, or just putting myself into a different reality.

i always had been drawn to romance. its a un-comforting comfort for me, if that makes sense. i love reading about it and watching movies about it but love just seemed so out of reach. im sure many people feel this way but i just believe there are certain people in the world that just go through life without any sort of romantic experiences. now while that may be true i also think thats just something i made up in my head to comfort myself from the fact that i have never had a single romantic experience, ever. i mean im 17 years old and havent even had my first kiss. hell i havent even held hands with a boy.

that of course all changed during my senior year.

-

“oh my god look at what cody sent me” anna says.

anna is my best friend, though at times she felt like my biggest competition. she is everything im not. constantly talking to boys, what people consider ‘boy pretty’, very out going and popular. the fun one.

i look over at her phone to see a text from one of the many boys shes talked to in the past year “i thought you guys were done?” i say

“yeah were not talking like that anymore but i still talk to him here and there” she says

“i dont know if thats the best idea, i mean if you guys keep talking hes probably going to get the wrong impression”

“your such a buzz kill sometimes” she says slightly annoyed. i stay silent. I might sound like a complete bitch here but when your friend is constantly talking or complaining about guy, a, b and c you eventually get bored and exhausted of hearing about it, I try my hardest to be understanding when she brings up guys, but I’m apparently never supportive enough to her standards. I suppose she wants me to be there and give her advice but what do I have to offer to that conversation?

we were driving through the school parking lot to park in our usual spot next to chris.

chris is, well complicated. ive known him since 7th grade and hated him up until about 3 months ago when senior year started. the friendship started off with him just parking next to my car everyday and him just pestering me all the time but the longer we kept parking together, the more we grew to enjoy our casual conversations.

we both roll down our windows.

“morning” i say waving at him, anna does the same “hey, i wanna skip first block if you guys are down” he says “you know i would never say to to that” anna says “ehh i dont know about today i have a bio project i need to work on and didnt getting the planning sheet so i should probably head in” i say

“alright, anna come on i wanna get mcdonalds” chris says tapping on his passenger seat.

“looks like its just us this morning! y/n me and chris can just go get food and ill bring you back something for lunch” anna says turning to me.

“ill see you guys at lunch” i say grabbing my bag and locking my car doors as anna gets in to chris’ car and they drive off.

if you havent caught the weird passive tone from anna, thats how she was. no matter how much i tried she always had to be the centre of attention . i honestly dont even think she does it on purpose. i love her and she is my best friend but i just find her insufferable at times, its just who she is. chris is a great friend to me but i always caught the vibe that chris liked anna or at least thought she was hot. which is also why i think he treats her with more respect than me.

now when i said we grew to like eachother i left out a slight detail.

even though i hated chris for most of high school for the way he treated me and constantly teased me, i couldnt help myself from starring at him from time to time as he talked or even looking at his hands. not only was he visually pleasing he could be really sweet and the conversations we shared were really meaningful at times. was he attractive, yes. was he a complete asshole to me for years and still hasnt apologized, yes. did i completely fall head over heels for him when he began to show me his nice side, sadly yes.

its so cliche but i fell for my “bully” so to speak. i hated myself for it but what i hated even more was how much i let my feelings for him effect how i saw myself even more as the second option. if it came down to it and me anna and him were the only people in the world he would still fuck anna before he even though about kissing me.

i know that i might only feel this way towards him simply because hes the only male thats shown me any attention at all. though it hasnt always been positive or romantic it was still something that i had never experienced from a male before.

like i said, second option.

-

i finish up my final class and head out to my car and wait for anna who is doing god knows what considering i drive her home everyday after school. while waiting for anna, chris gets into his car and starts it to heat up as it is the beginning of winter. i watch what hes doing through his car window as he scrolls on his phone for a sec and then storms into the backseat of my car, always the backseat.

my head whips around to look at him and he looks annoyed. “why do you look mad” i say. “look at what this bitch said to me” he says leaning up to the middle console shoving his phone in my face and i read texts from a girl hes talking to.

friday 3:14pm

alice: chris i cant keep talking to you

chris: what do you mean

alice: i mean that i cant keep talking to you what were doing is messing with my head and i dont want to be a victim of one of your fuck and dumps

chris: im sure i have many other girls who would kill to be in your position

alice: then go have them i dont want to be apart of your sick and twisted hookups

“ok wow” i say my eyes wide “i didnt even know you were talking to alice”

“well now you do, and im not anymore apparently” he says throwing his arms up as he sinks in to the middle seat. “we have been fucking since the halloween party, remember when i kissed her infront of you?” he says in a duh tone.

ah yes halloween. the night i went home crying after said kiss was shared infront of my face.

“yes i remember” i say blankly.

“we were supposed to hangout tonight but she decided to blow me off, i was ready to get my dick wet but i guess ill just have to be fucking boring alone” he says as i make a disgusted face.

“well i dont know what to te-“ i was cut off by anna coming into the car.

“ok sorry i took so long but i was just getting the details for a party tonight!” she says out of breath. chris sits up at the news, “maybe i will get my dick wet then.” he says smirking and jokingly raising his eyebrows.

“what? alice blew you off already.” anna says turning to chris. i dont bother questioning why anna knew and i didnt because im sure i know answer.

“yep and im scoring tonight.” he says fake punching the air as me and anna giggle.

-

anna and i finished getting ready at her place, her wearing jeans and a hot pink tank top and me in black jeans and a white long sleeve crop top. i stare at myself in the mirror when i hear annas phone go off with a text from chris.

friday 10:27pm

chris: here

“anna! chris is here!” i yell grabbing my phone and my drinks for the night from my bag and start making my way downstairs as i hear her close behind me. i tie up my shoes as i hear her grab her drinks from her fridge and say bye her parents. i wave goodbye to her parents as well and we make our way out to chris’ car.

upon entering were greeted by matt, chris’ brother in the passenger seat.

“hey matt i didnt know you were coming out tonight!” i say smiling at him as loud music blasts from chris’ speakers.

“yeah nicks also going so i just tagged along, plus i need to drive you guys home since chris is drinking tonight.” he says lightly punching chris in the arm. “oh yeah, speaking of nick where is he?” i say. “nicks already there he came with his friends.” i nod in response and sit back starting to chug down one of my drinks. i may be a buzz kill in annas eyes but i knew how to party and loved drinking with my friends.

matt is chris’ triplet brother along with nick. i never really got to know his brothers all that well, i just know that matt has become a lot more comfortable around me and anna as we have started to spend more time with chris.

once we arrive to the party me and anna walk around to see whos there and we meet up with some of our other friends. i can see chris from across the room laughing and talking to nick and matt.

the night goes on and i finish my fourth cooler of the night and head out to the car to grab another. when i step outside the cool air hits me and i instantly regret the 2 shots of tequila i had on top of the fruity coolers i had throughout the night. shivering and rubbing my arms i continue walking to chris’ car to sit down for a sec and when i reach the backseat i see chris’ naked back and steamy windows. i take a step back once i realize whats happening.

i knew he was going to end up fucking someone tonight since thats what he said his plan was but i did not need to fucking see it. hes not mine for the taking obviously, but seeing him constantly with girls just hurt.

i turn around to walk back into the house but suddenly feel sick to my stomach. i hunch over and throw up in the middle of the road. i cough and collapse to my knees continuing to gag as strings of spit come out of my mouth. i hear a car door shut behind me as i try to stand up wiping my mouth. i feel arms grab my waist and pick me up bridal style and thats the last thing i remember before everything went black.

-

i wake up in a car with the same clothes on from the party, still drunk, my hair crispy and the smell of cologne. i look around me and realize its chris’ backseat im laying in but its still pitch black out.

i hear faint voices outside and the door my head is resting on swings open and my head flys back.

“holy shit chris are you trying to kill her” i hear matts voice. “shut up, i didn’t know you put her head there.” chris says as he starts pulling me out of the car.

“chris” i say quietly. “holy shit your awake” he says leaving me to sit up. “yeah i am, what happened. i think i- blacked out.” i say slurring my words.

“well i was in the middle of getting with summer-“ he says getting on his knees to talk to me better “and i just heard gagging outside the car and it was bothering me and i looked outside the car and you were bent over on the middle of the road throwing up. i just grabbed you and told summer to fuck off and put you in the car while i grabbed matt and anna.”

“oh my god” i say as i nod off.

“woah woah stay with us here, chris lets get her inside now” matt says placing my head back up.

“where is anna?” i question.

“we had to drop her home and bring you to our house since she said her parents couldn’t see you like this.”

“of course” i say

classic anna.

“what time is it?” i ask rubbing my eyes.

“2:44am” chris grunts taking me out of the car.

“ok lets get you inside” chris says pulling me up to stand. “you think you can walk inside?” he says still holding me up. “ill try.”

he lets go of me and i slowly make it up to the front of their house but start wobbling once i reach the steps and feel both matt and chris grab either side of me and help me up to the front door. matt holds on to my arm as he uses the house key to get inside and i walk in.

they walk me over to the living room couch and i slump over resting my head on the arm rest of the couch.

“where is she going to sleep?” matt says. “my room obviously.” chris says as i smile to myself.

“come on y/n” he says picking me up again and bringing me to his room to lay on his bed. “im gonna give you clothes to change into since yours are covered in vomit.” he says opening drawers. i nod my head as my eyes close.

he tosses me a big white shirt with some graphic designing on it “can you dress yourself or-“ i cut him off “yea- yeah i got it” i say sitting up right and hiccup.

he turns around so i can change into the shirt. i begin taking my long sleeve off and i get one arm off before i get stuck. “chris, help” i say quietly and he turns around to see me with my arms slouched and my eyes closed. he rushes over “lift up your arms” he says pulling my hands up. i hold them up as he grabs the hem of my shirt and slowly pulls up. i admire chris as he pulls off the shirt completely throwing my shirt across the room all while being careful not to look at me.

he grabs his shirt and places it gently over my head and then threading my arms through the shirt. “wait” he says walking over to his closet, grabbing a pair of his sweatpants and walking over to me with them. i sit there with my eyes closed smiling as i had thought about the scenario of him taking my clothes off many times, just not the me being so drunk i cant dress myself part.

he takes my jeans off and helps me in to his sweatpants still being respectful and not starring at my body. “ill be right back just sit here im going to get you water and an advil.” he say as he walks out of the room. i just sit there, my eyes still closed, still smiling and nod at his sentence.

i lay back down on his bed and wait as i hear him rushing upstairs talking to matt and nick before walking back in to the room sitting down at the end of his bed. “sit snd open up.” i obliged to his words before he places two advils on my tongue.

“im going to fill up your mouth with water so don’t breathe.” he says opening up a water bottle and slowly pouring some in to my mouth while my head tilts upwards slightly. he watches me with concern as i swallow the water.

“please never get drunk like this ever again, you really freaked everyone out kid.” he says. i don’t respond and nod at his words.

kid, the all too familiar nickname chris gave me. it always made me feel weird when he called me this as if he was an authority figure or something.

i lay back down on his bed and close my eyes and quickly drift off to sleep. the last thing i remember from that night is him crawling in to his bed next to me and turning off his light.

“goodnight kid”

-

thank you for reading!!!

[penny00dreadful]

Rookie Mistake

AO3

17th August 2023

Someone was following him home. 

They were keeping their distance at least. But they'd been keeping their distance through the last three turns.

They could, at the very least, try not to make it obvious what they were doing.

Usually someone following him wouldn’t be a problem. Steve was an expert at what he did and losing a person who was tailing him was easy.

Or it used to be anyway.

His back had taken much longer to heal than any of them had expected and he’d been told his chances of walking again were fifty-fifty. Pretty much a coin toss.

But he’d started to get the feeling back in his legs again around the three month mark. While all of it still hadn’t returned and the doctors were unsure if it ever would, he could at least walk again.

He couldn’t move as fast nowadays, though the cane helped. But it didn’t help enough to escape from his followers' sight.

He was slow, he couldn’t run and he couldn’t stand for extended periods of time. 

He could walk for even less. Which was probably why Claire at the gas station had kept shooting him concerned glances. 

Walking to and from there was pretty much the extent of what he could do in a day. 

Barely fifteen minutes there and back, but enough to have him exhausted and trying to keep the pain at bay.

Eddie was gonna lose his fucking mind once he found out. He worried too much. Steve still remembered the first words he heard when he woke up in the hospital.

“If you ever do that to me again, I swear to god sweetheart, I’ll take you out myself.” Spoken through teary eyes and with shaking hands as he reached for him, like if he didn’t touch him immediately Steve would drift back off into a coma.

This was the first time Steve had been home alone for an extended period of time since he'd been recovering. Eddie had looked at him with a stern pointed finger and an order not to do anything stupid.

So of course he had decided he was going to walk to the nearby gas station to pick up some of their favourite snacks. 

They were gonna do a lazy streaming binge session later that evening, complete with a blanket fort like little kids, when Eddie got back from helping at the garage with Gareth.

What else was he supposed to do? He couldn’t drive anymore. He didn’t have the strength in his legs for the pedals.

And the gas station was just outside the estate they’d chosen to settle in. Eddie had wanted to be closer to his Uncle Wayne and be able to see his friends again and Steve could never refuse him that.

Except now he was limping home, cane in one hand, paper bag of junk food in the other, with pain and exhaustion shooting up his legs, right into his weakened back. 

He could barely even focus on the space around him, he was concentrating so hard on just putting one foot in front of the other and getting home without passing out from the pain, never mind fighting off an assailant.

In his heyday he wouldn’t even have had to think about how he would handle this situation.

Now, however. Now he felt so fucking helpless. 

There was a gun concealed in a secret pocket just inside the front door. If he could just get to it, he might make it out of whatever this was. 

Even though Steve was on medical leave and Eddie was… retired, old habits die hard. They’d never not be trained to be killers and expect something around every corner.

God, he’d been so stupid. This was so stupid. Eddie would never let him hear the end of it. 

Steve would be lucky if he could keep upright once he hit the front door, everything was so painful.

But Steve was well versed in pain. Literally trained in it. Torture, interrogation, field medicine, pushing past injuries to get the job done. Steve had handled it all, always dreading the idea of being put behind a desk. Even now he was determined to make sure that didn’t happen. 

No offence to Robin and her job. He’d be dead ten times over without her but it just wasn’t something he could fathom doing. 

There was a mentor position opening up though. 

Dimitri was retiring to spend more time with his family which meant that Steve could possibly be looking after the new recruits in the near future.

Y’know.

If he didn’t fucking die here and now at the hands of some idiot lacking subtlety.

As far as anyone in the neighbourhood knew, Steve had moved to the area with his husband while recovering from a catastrophic fall, which wasn’t exactly incorrect.

The best lies were the ones that had truth in them.

And the neighbours had all been very… neighbourly. It was a little foreign to him. He was used to growing up in upper class neighbourhoods where he would maybe shoot a quick smile and a hello towards the couple across the road but apart from that, he pretended they didn’t exist and vice versa.

But here, though it was a solid middle class suburb, they all actually spoke to each other. 

Bastien would usually chat while he was out walking his golden retriever named Bread. 

Lucy and Anthony, a couple in their eighties, knew everything about everyone and gave them the best neighbourhood gossip. 

Sandra loved hosting a cookout and invited them every single time. 

Even the neighbourhood kids were all very sweet for a bunch of teenagers.

Best of all was their next door neighbour, Chrissy.

She had knocked on their front door with a freshly baked apple pie in one hand and an invite to her big blowout divorce celebration in the other. It was only the day after they’d moved in and Steve had hobbled downstairs to find her and Eddie chatting like they’d known each other forever.

Steve had originally worried they were only being included in these events as the token queers of the neighbourhood. Just so all these middle classers could pat themselves on the back for their diversity but those worries were quickly put to rest.

Their acceptance was quiet. It wasn’t braggadocious. It was sweet.

Chrissy's divorce party had been a wild night full of karaoke, an obscene amount of chinese food and glass upon glass of pink, glittery, fruity cocktails. 

All things that Jason had hated. 

Things Chrissy loved. 

Things she hadn’t been able to enjoy in her own home in years. But now she was free to do whatever her heart desired. 

Chrissy deserved way better than Jason anyway.

She had leaned into Eddie’s side and taken Steve’s hand in hers and slurred that she wanted “what you guys have. You’re so sweet to each other. How long have you been together?”

They had made eye contact over her head with raised eyebrows. 

The start of their relationship was always a bit of a blurred line.

“Seven, eight years maybe?” Eddie had said, holding her steady with an arm around her waist.

“Really?” She’d asked, blinking her big eyes up at the two of them. “That’s such a long time. Jason and I got married after a year. Don’t do that.” She added, pointing back and forth at the two of them. “It’s a bad idea.”

Steve patted the hand that was held in his. “We won’t. Don’t worry.” 

Especially considering they’d already been married two years by then. 

As the night wore on and more and more stories had come out about what Chrissy’s marriage had been like, Eddie had offered, with three cocktail umbrellas in his hair and a Pink Lady in his hand, to hunt Jason down and make him disappear. 

Chrissy had giggled with a roll of her eyes. 

"Oh sure, you big softie.” She said as she lightly swatted his arm. “If he starts calling around unannounced again, then go ahead."

Eddie had smiled, sweet and innocent, but his eyes had been sharp and hard and Jason needed to watch his fucking back.

Steve had been able to convince him to at least give Jason a warning the first time, before he completely wiped the guy from existence. 

But only one warning was all Eddie would concede to with a pout and a mutter of ‘You’re no fun’. 

If Jason couldn’t take a hint and kept coming around after that, it wasn't Steve's problem anymore.

In general their time in the neighbourhood was nice. It was domestic. The area was safe and sleepy and naive to most of the wrongs of the world. 

It was something Steve and Eddie had never had the chance to have, especially considering the start of their relationship had been so… combative.

Which is what made the guy trailing behind him stick out like a penguin in the desert.

He was unfamiliar.

In an ill fitting black suit that looked like something out of a bad spy movie and greasy slicked back hair.

Steve wasn’t scared of him. 

He was clearly inexperienced. 

Or just stupid.

The guy kept his gaze locked on his target, one hand constantly in his pocket and a look of grim determination on his face. 

Obvious.

But he also seemed to be growing in confidence too. Getting slowly closer and closer.

Steve kept his pace slow and relaxed, trying his best to hide the pain and exhaustion he was feeling sinking into his back and down his legs.

And trying to hide the fact that he knew a fucking idiot was tailing him.

If some fucking newbie gang member or whatever was able to take him down because Steve couldn’t help but push himself, he was going to be so pissed off.

All he needed to do was get inside. 

Unlock the door, get inside and he’d be able to grab one of their concealed weapons and take care of whatever this was.

Easy peasy.

Or it would have been easy peasy if not for the second guy.

The second guy who’d descended on him just as he pushed his front door open, looping an arm around his neck. 

He dropped his bag and his cane, scrabbling against the hold and just barely brushing the hidden gun compartment with his fingers before he felt it.

The sharp sting of a needle in his neck and the cold of whatever it was spreading through his veins. 

The last thought that ran through his head before everything went black was that Eddie was going to be so dramatic about this.

He didn’t know how long it was before he woke up but he could take a guess.

It was an empty warehouse he was being kept in, if the bare concrete walls, metal roof and high ceilings were anything to go by. 

The windows were right at the top, only letting the barest sliver of orange daylight through. 

The sun was low enough Steve guessed he’d only been out for an hour. 

The whole place smelled of damp and was shrouded in shadow, the only light being that bit of orange sun and one bare light bulb hanging over his head.

Brimborn Steelworks, he thought. 

He could smell the sea air, hear gulls outside, and the warehouse had been abandoned for as long as they’d been in the area so it was a pretty safe bet.

Just outside the circle of light he was washed in, he could hear muttering and bodies shuffling around. 

About four by his estimation, along with the sound of metal parts shifting against each other. 

Guns. 

Fantastic. 

Just what he fucking needed.

His hands were knotted behind his back, not even tied to the chair he was sitting on. Who used rope to tie people up anymore?

Aside from certain… intimate circumstances, Steve hadn’t had to deal with rope in ages.

Not since… well.

It was usually zip ties or duct tape that were used. 

Much quicker, much easier to conceal in pockets or pouches.

And judging by how he was tied, fingers pointed downwards, inner wrist to inner wrist and just a bit too tightly, these guys had absolutely no experience with ropes. 

Kinky or not.

They hadn’t even bothered to blindfold him.

Or gag him.

Eddie would have never been so sloppy. He could’ve done better than this to Steve with his eyes closed and on a Tuesday afternoon.

If he was at full strength, he’d have been able to manoeuvre the weak bindings of his ropes until he was able to tug them free and kick the shit out of the closest guy until he got his hands on his gun.

Then he’d be out of here and on his way home before Eddie had the time to properly spiral.

But he wasn’t at full strength, he could barely even pull against the binds around his wrists, tugged at an uncomfortable angle behind his back. 

Not a gentle angle and not at the proper straining points he was used to. 

The rope was rough and harsh against his skin instead of the delicious soft bite of the silken binds.

But it was fine. 

He wouldn’t be here long.

“He’s awake.” A voice in front of him said. 

The accent was mostly American but with the slightest tinge of Russian underneath. 

Great.

Two men in ill fitting black suits with their guns held loosely at their sides stepped into the light. The other two stayed behind him, probably as some kind of security or intimidation measure. 

Well, it was nice to see them try. 

Cute almost.

“Hello.” Steve sighed. “Can you guys tell me what this is all about so we can get it over with, please?”

“Oh,” the one in front of him sneered, “he thinks he’s funny.”

“I think I’m very funny, yes.” Steve nodded, relaxing into the chair as much as he could.

The guy scowled. Clearly he hadn’t learned that sometimes having fun on the job was necessary. Helped alleviate stress. “You’re gonna answer our questions.”

“Sure thing, Drago.” Steve nodded. The guy really did look like Drago. Big meaty head and short crop of blonde hair. “Hit me.”

Drago smirked. “If you insist.”

With an almighty crack he brought the back of his hand down across Steve’s face, snapping his head to the side.

He could feel the blood welling up in his mouth where his teeth had cut into his cheek and the heat from the strike blooming over his skin that would no doubt turn purple within the next day.

God, never start an interrogation with violence. 

Fucking casuals.

Steve sucked at the blood pooling in his mouth and spat it at Drago’s feet.

“You’re going to regret that.”

Drago scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “Who do you work for?”

“Scoops.” Steve grinned with blood stained teeth and a nonchalant shrug. “Scoops Ahoy. That little ice cream shop at the mall?”

“Cute.” He sneered.

“Thank you.”

“Maybe you need more persuasion.” A voice came from behind him and a sharp blade was pressed against his neck. “How would you feel if I were to cut your pretty throat?”

Steve ran his tongue over his bloody teeth. 

“Do it.”

There was a stutter of movement as the four of them glanced at each other.

“You think we won’t?”

“No, go on, do it.” Steve pressed his neck against the blade which was immediately pulled away. “You think you can get more answers out of my dead body?”

The guy with the blade swung himself around to face him, digging the point into his cheek this time with a snarl. 

Steve couldn’t even be bothered to give him a name in his head. 

He’d be Knife Guy. 

Didn’t matter. 

He’d be dead soon.

“Or,” Steve continued, “do you think that I’m going to cower to any more of your threats now that you’ve just shown me you’re not willing to kill me?” He laughed. “Never start with your last resort.”

The tip of the blade was dug in deeper and dragged across his cheek, cutting into his skin but Steve could barely feel it as he distantly heard the sound of tires screeching to a stop outside.

No one else seemed to have noticed.

“We don’t need to kill you, we just need to make you talk.”

“Well,” Steve sighed, grimacing at the hot sticky blood running down his cheek. If he was lucky it wouldn’t scar.

If they were lucky it wouldn’t scar. 

“I suggest you hurry up, you’re running out of time.”

The four of them laughed. “You think your buddies are coming for you? We targeted you because you were alone and impeded. You had no safety net around you.”

“You sure about that?” Steve took in each of their faces, all looking so confident in a job well done. “You’re right, my buddies aren’t coming for me. If they were, you could take your time. But as it is you’ll all be dead in about,” he tilted his head, listening for the first distant gunshot, which sounded only half a second later, “three minutes so…”

“If not your buddies then who?”

“You guys seem a little new at this.” He said gently, like he was speaking to children. “Have you ever heard of The Shadow of Hawkins?”

Their blank faces told him all he needed to know. 

Fair enough. 

It was a fairly obscure name after all.

And a bit ridiculous.

“How about The Demon of Dresden?” He glanced around. “No? The Bloodyhanded? Ringing any bells?”

Steve blinked at them all in bewilderment. 

Did these guys know anything? 

The gunfire outside was getting louder and closer to their building and the guys around him seem to have finally clued in, clutching their guns tighter. 

Like that would do anything for them.

Steve refused to give them a moment of reprieve.

“Really guys? He’s gonna be so offended.” He shook his head, as though disappointed. “Well, maybe you’ll know him by his most famous title.” The last gunshot cracked through the air leaving a terrible silence in its wake. “Kas. The Betrayer.”

Every one of them flinched at the name, the colour draining from their faces as a door slammed open in another part of the building.

“He's trying to scare us.” Knife Guy swallowed. “Kas is dead.”

“He was." Steve nodded. "But you had to go and resurrect him. But here’s another one for you.” He grinned again, blood coating his teeth and leaned as far forward as his bindings would allow him, despite the strain on his back. “Who do you think I am?”

“Why does it matter?" The third guy spat, but Drago had a horrible realisation dawning on his face.

"You…"

“Who?” The fourth asked, whipping his head back and forth to look at the two of them. “Who is he?”

“He… you…” Drago shook his head, his full accent apparent now. “You can’t be!”

“Who gave us our intel?!” Knife Guy shouted at the others, also cottoning on.

“You…” Drago swallowed. “You’re his-”

“Sweetheart!” Eddie’s voice echoed around the warehouse seeming to come from all directions and none all at once.

Knife Guy was by his side in a flash with a fist in his hair and the blade pressed against his throat again.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Steve said, glancing up. “He’s very protective of my hair.”

His fist only tightened.

“Fine,” Steve shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

“Hey fuckos!” Eddie was still shrouded in darkness, completely hidden from view. “Tying him to chairs is my job!”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Oh, for god's sake.”

Drago stepped in front of Steve, squaring his shoulders and puffing out his chest, pointing his gun towards the various dark corners. “If you want your-”

Four loud gunshots rang out, echoing throughout the room. 

Steve felt the warm splatter of blood across his face.

Four bodies fell to the floor, a clean bullet wound through three of their foreheads.

Knife Guy, the one who had his hand in Steve’s hair was screaming in agony, clutching his blown apart knee.

“An hour, sweetheart.” Eddie’s figure stormed out of the dark, coming to a stop just in front of him. He still had grease from the garage streaked over his cheek and embedded into the creases on his hands to go along with the copious amount of other people’s blood spattered all over his body. “I leave you alone for one hour and I have to answer a call from a worried Chrissy checking to see if everything's okay because our front door is wide fucking open. How did you go and get yourself kidnapped by Ruskies?” 

"Oh, I'm sorry, please continue to tell me how getting fucking ambushed outside our home is my fault."

"It didn’t start outside our home, did it?" 

Knife Guy wailed again and Eddie looked down on him with a cold glare. 

“Oh, sorry.” He said, not sorry at all. “I must have missed.”

With a simple squeeze of the trigger he put a hole through Knife Guys head and the screaming stopped. 

Steve expected Eddie to walk behind him to cut his binds but instead he just swung his leg out and sat himself down on Steve's lap.

"It started at that fucking gas station because you can't sit down for five minutes straight." Eddie pulled a small pocket sized first aid kit out and tilted Steve's head to the side. "Even if fucking Hippocrates or god damned Florence Nightingale rose from the dead and told you to take it easy, you'd still be ignoring their orders." He scoffed as he roughly pressed a butterfly bandage over Steve's cheek. "And you call me the hyperactive one." He mumbled.

Steve winced, glaring at him as Eddie pressed down particularly hard on one strip.

His mouth was still pulled into a deep frown but he stroked his fingers gently over Steve’s cheek, caressing his face with the gentlest of touches.

"You okay?"

Steve couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Yeah baby, I'm good. But they got the angle of my arms all wrong. It's really uncomfortable."

"Hmm. Well as an expert in tying you down to chairs, I'd have to agree. How dare they steal my thing. I fell in love with you when you were tied to a chair."

Steve raised an eyebrow, complete disbelief written on his face.

“Oh yeah?” He tried to bring their faces closer but he was impeded by his bindings. Eddie just gave him a feral grin. “Which time?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Tell me.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Eddie cooed. “No.”

“Asshole.” Steve rolled his eyes. “Would you mind?" He tugged at the ropes again. "My back is fucking killing me."

"Of course." Eddie muttered into Steve's mouth but never properly closing the distance while simultaneously lifting his weight up. “All you had to do was ask.”

With the bindings now gone, his shoulders and arms felt like fucking lead and the blood rushing back into his hands was causing terrible pins and needles.

Eddie was digging his fingers into Steve's muscles, trying to alleviate as much of the strain as he could.

Steve closed his eyes and groaned, his earlier ill-advised trip was catching up with him again and he was dreading having to walk out of this place. 

He just wanted to be at fucking home, in his fucking bed with his fucking husband.

Or maybe they could still do that naked blanket fort in the living room with a movie marathon and an obscene amount of snacks.

When he opened his eyes again, Eddie was on one knee with his back to him.

“Hop on.”

Steve grumbled but couldn’t find it in himself to argue, sliding himself forward, slinging his arms over Eddie’s shoulders and allowing himself to be carried off.

Eddie was strong and steady under him, barely flinching as he grabbed tight to Steve’s thighs and stood.

Their walk back was quiet and Steve wasn’t looking forward to the amount of paperwork that would have to be filed as a result of this but he hoped since he was still on medical leave he could get out of it.

The sun was starting to set outside, the sky splashed with brilliant shades of reds and oranges and pinks. Now that he was outside he saw he was correct about where he was being held.

Brimborn Steel Works.

Still got it.

When he turned his head back around to face forward he saw that Eddie had driven Steve's beloved bimmer here. 

The driver's side door was flung open and the car was at an odd angle, the direction and darkness of the tire marks behind telling Steve that Eddie had practically drifted into the lot at speed.

There were a few bullet holes in the doors and the passenger window was shattered but it wasn’t the worst that car had ever seen.

Bodies littered the ground around them, all in the same out of date suits Steve’s four goons had been wearing, all with the same guns, all with the same kind of build and all with slowly coagulating pools of blood and brains around them.

Damn. 

Eddie really didn’t hold back this time.

Steve looked back at his car. 

He couldn’t drive her anymore. 

Probably never would be able to again.

They’d talked about trading it in for a model with push-pull controls for his hands instead of floor pedals so he could have that freedom back.

But they hadn’t gotten to it yet.

Eddie had taken his motorcycle to the garage, he would have arrived home with it. Probably seen the front door wide open and a grocery bag on the ground like Chrissy said. 

It would have been quicker to get here on the motorcycle.

But Steve couldn’t ride on it. 

Not as a driver or passenger. 

At least not yet, not until he was further healed. 

So Eddie had come here with the car, either because of hope, stubbornness or pure confidence, knowing he would get Steve back.

Steve smiled to himself, tightening his arms around Eddie’s shoulders and burying his face in his neck, peppering little kisses on any skin he could reach.

“You okay back there?”

He could hear the grin in his voice as Eddie lowered him down into the passenger seat, turning on his knees to rest his forearms across Steve’s thighs.

“Yeah.” Steve smiled down at him. “Just… thanks for finding me.”

Eddie straightened up to his full kneeling height, taking Steve's face in his hands. 

“Of course, sweetheart.” He leaned up, pressing the softest of soft kisses against Steve’s lips, full of love, adoration, dedication. 

Steve could feel it pouring out of him and into his own body. 

The gentlest intimacy from a man who could cause so much violence. 

Eddie brushed their noses together. “I’ll always come find you.”

“You always say that.”

Eddie hummed. “Because I always will.”

AO3

A prequel fic set in this universe will be dropping next week 👀

@geekymagicalpotato

Big thanks as always to @hbyrde36 for her magnificent beta work and to the STWG for their motivation.

[puckarchives]

story of us: l. hughes

blurb: the story between you and luke was over. / word count: 2.1k / pairing: luke hughes x fem!reader

“No!” you said, trying to keep your tears at bay and the wavering of your voice to a minimum. “We had a plan, Luke. We had a plan, and suddenly you’re doing this?” you said, trying not to scream. You waved your arms around as if trying to explain what exactly “this” was, but  you could only stare at the boy in front of you as he shook his head at you, trying to keep his own emotions in check. 

The two of you didn’t argue, and the fact that this was occuring in the first place was just a reminder of how broken your relationship had become in the past few months. You stared at him from across your shared bathroom, your hands picking at the skin around your nails as you tried your hardest not to start tearing out your own hair. 

You weren’t trying to be a bitch, or even trying to create an argument, but enough was enough — over the past few months, your relationship with Luke had become a shell of what it once was; he no longer communicated with you, often avoiding you when he was home after his away games, and as much as you tried to get him to talk, he would simply brush you off, or busy himself with other things. It hurt, to be completely honest. It was ana entire switch from the boy you had fallen in love with during your first year at UMich, and you were fed up with it — fed up with the lack of communication on Luke’s end, no matter how much you tried; sick of always being second-best to hockey, and most of all, feeling like you were so unloved everytime Luke disregarded what you told him. He had changed since moving to Jersey, and you were sick of it; sick of the people both of you had become that it was practically tearing you and your relationship apart. 

“I —” you started, the tears now falling freely as Luke still stood at the bathroom entrance, staring at you. You could tell he was tired, but so were you — you were so fed up with feeling like you were a nuisance in your own relationship, and you needed an out. You needed to get away from the source. 

“I can’t keep doing this anymore, Luke. I just can’t, and as much as I love you, I don’t think you love me the same. Not like you used to,” you began. Still nothing from him — not even a tick of his jaw. He simply stared at you, as if silently asking why you thought it was his fault. At this point, you had never heard silence this loud. So loud, in fact, that is was worse than screaming or fighting; it was loud enough to drown out everything else and hone in on the sound of your heart breaking. 

Sliding down against your vanity, you sat on the bathroom floor, your knees hugged against your chest as you tried to put together the words to tell him it was over — that the two of you were over. 

“We can’t keep this up anymore, Luke. I used to think I was so lucky to have fallen in love with you; to be loved by you, and now? Now I have to second-guess myself when I want to fuckign sit next to you, because I don’t know if you even want me there,” you cried. “I don’t know even know what page you’re on anymore, but you have so many walls up, and I can’t fucking get through them. I can’t keep pretending that I’m simply alright with you not caring about me anymore, and I — I just can’t,” you whispered, your voice now hiccupping from the tears and the mere exhaustion of the day. You wanted him to say something — to tell you it’d be alright, that he still loved you, but nothing came. Instead, he stood there at the door frame, looking down as you sobbed. No, this wasn’t the man you had fallen in love with; this was a man whose chapter in your book was over. Over for good. 

The next day, after you had made up your mind about the state of your relationship — and as Luke continued to not so much as even speak to you about the status of where the two of you stood, you packed your bags and left. Standing in the entrance of the place you had called home for so long, your stuff packed all around you, Luke watched from the kitchen island. He still hadn’t spoken to you since he saw you crying last night — no comfort, no kisses or hugs. Nothing. 

With one last look at him, you opened the door and slipped out of the door, not even bothering to look back at him. You were closing that chapter of your story and you were closing Luke alongside it too. 

And to be fair, you were fine. Yes, the breakup hurt like a bitch, but you took the time you needed to mourn the version of your relationship you had liked; the first few months when the two of you had first fallen in love, and when you had the version of Luke that you had loved. After that? You had taken enough time to reflect and realize that the sparks you once felt had distinguished themselves long ago; how the way that you used to know your spot was right next to him changed into searching the room for an empty seat. 

Almost a year later, you were doing fine — better than you were before. Instead of staying in Jersey, and staying tied down to finishing your schooling, you decided to move to New York — far enough into the city where the city of Newark was practically a dream, and where you were surrounded by people who you considered to be almost family; you were done with Luke, with Michigan and with all the baggage that part of your life carried, and now, you were happier. Throughout your time in New York, you had made enough friends that were borderline family, and made rough memories to cover up the annotations you had scribbled over your heart following the breakup. 

It wasn’t until almost a year and half-later that you were out in New York, surrounded by your friends at some bar that was being promoted by one of them. You didn’t usually go out just to drink, but you were the designated sober friend tonight; you had to make sure they were all back home in one piece. Since you were near SoHo, at one of the rooftop bars with really good mocktails, you hadn’t even noticed the other groups of people that filed in behind you and your friends, and wouldn’t have cared it one of the blonde women trying to get another man’s attention had elbowed you instead, spilling your mocktail passion fruit margarita on you. The other woman didn’t even spare you a passing glance, too absorbed in the brunette man who was talking to another man — one you recognized well. It was Marino; you knew him because, at one point of your life, you were always around him when you went to visit the team at the Prudential Center. Luke and he were good friends, especially since his fiancée had invited you and Luke out to dinner as a double-date thing, knowing that you and her had studied the same thing at university, and because, at times, it was nice talking to someone who wasn’t absorbed into the WAG-culture like she was. She liked the other women, but sometimes it was hard to deal with high school sweethearts who were obsessed with each other, and whose names all ended in -leigh. 

You craned your head a bit to the left, and you could kind of pick out others you recognized; there was Nico in the corner, chatting next to who you only assumed was one of the new rookies on the team — he didn’t look familiar to you — but then again, you didn’t really keep up with the team anymore. You were more of a Rangers fan, now, anyways. 

Before you could make eye contact with him, though, or even think of the possibility that Luke could be at the same bar, you made your way to the bar. Ordering yourself a soft drink, (you were still the designated sober one,) you took the opportunity to look around — and meet eyes with the last person you expected, or even wanted, to, because there, across the bar from where you were drinking your Coke, was Luke — his hair a bit shorter, but his curls still as wild as before. 

He looked good — his lean frame had filled out a bit, which was something you knew he was hoping would happen as he progressed in the NHL. 

Here stood the man who you shared so many memories with, and it all almost felt fake as you realized the two of you were strangers to each other at this point in your lives. He was tanner, and you could see the shadow of an almost-beard on the sides of his face. He was your Luke, but he wasn’t at the same time. The version of the man who was making his way across the bar to you wasn’t the boy you had fallen in love with almost two years ago; no, he was different, and so were you. 

The chapter of your life you were currently writing didn’t know who Luke was; all it knew was the phantom pains of heartbreak, and the way you kept reminding yourself as you saw him walk closer and closer. He was, as far as you could tell, alone — surrounded only by the other guys on the team. As he approached you, and came to a stop right in front of you, the two of you stood almost alone in the crowded room — neither of you willing to speak first. 

“Y/N,” he whispered, but you could hear him just fine. “Luke,” you responded, with a nod. You wanted to walk away, but you knew he had something to tell you; if he didn’t, then he wouldn’t have come to a stop right in front of you. If he didn’t have anything to say, he would have ignored you like he had during a majority of your relationship. 

“I— What are you doing here?” he said. So that’s where the two of you stood — back on the base of small talk. If you were being honest, you weren’t going to rehash this; you weren’t going to pretend what happened between the two of you was amicable or even fair, so you cut right to the chase with your next words.

“I’m with a few friends. What do you want, Luke? Is there a reason you came all the way over here? Just to ask me why I’m here?” you asked. You didn’t mean to be rude, but at this point, you were even above caring. 

For a second, he looked stunned that you had even responded. He cleared his throat, and shook his head. “I just wanted to apologize, uh, for everything. There’s so many things I wish I would’ve done differently, and I would have, and I— I’m just sorry,” he said, scratching the back of your neck. 

This apology would have been enough for you two years ago. You would have forgiven him at the drop of a hat, and you would have put up with anything if he was this communicative before the two of you had broken up, but the reality was that he wasn’t. This apology — if you could even call it that — wouldn’t be enough for you; not anymore. The story of you and Luke had been written a long time ago, and your ink had dried up — you wouldn’t let is be used up anymore, and you were done with that chapter of your life — done with the story of you and Luke. 

Steeling your gaze — and your heart, if you were being honest — you simply looked up at him, at the face you had fallen in love with so deeply, and walked away. There was nothing more to say between the two of you — no more words to press on your pages. It was over; the story was written.

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

Stay Awhile & Listen

Elks Chapter 5

Chapter Rating: Explicit. 18+ (Minors DNI) Chapter Summary: Joel's back from patrol and he has a surprise for you. Chapter Warnings: An abundance of softness, oral (m & f receiving), cum swallowing, Joel talks a lot about feelings, reader's a nervous creature and Joel's good at taking care of her. Words: 3,700 Pairing: Jackson Joel Miller x Female Reader Series Summary: Life in Jackson is quite comfortable and simple for you. You love teaching your students and running your library, you love the comforts of living here, perfectly complacent with the company of your two cats, guitar, tattered CD book, and a few friends. You like comfortable and simple, though the feelings you feel whenever you see Joel Miller are quite the opposite. Once you meet him, it seems like he needs you in his life as much as you need him. Reader Background: Reader is in her 30's and comes from Colorado. No other physical descriptors besides her having long enough hair to put up. A/N: We've made it folks! First chapter with smut.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist Playlist *** “See The Changes” by Crosby, Stills & Nash. 

You’ve never been outside the gates of Jackson since your arrival. You’ve lived with barriers longer than without them, why would you ever sign yourself up to see what lies beyond the iron and wood confines? You’re well aware you know less about how to survive than your own students. You’re sheltered you’ve never doubted that, you’re okay with that. Joel? Not so much. 

“You’ve never wanted to leave?” Joel asks over a cup of coffee sitting next to you on his couch. 

It’s Saturday, he’s exhausted after almost a week on a patrol. You could tell as soon as he ambled into your library, tired eyed and a little more gruff voiced than usual… and yet he still invited you over for dinner. He insisted on it even, no matter how much you offered to host him. “Nonsense, you’re working all day, let me cook.” 

“Not really,” you lean back after placing your empty cup on the table, “I’ve really had no reason, and it was never asked of me. I’m sure it’s really dumb of me.”

“Not dumb, just not smar—“

“Just say dumb, Joel,” you turn towards him. 

“Never call you dumb,” a hand cradles your cheek, “I just think you should know the basics of how the world works outside here, just in case there’s a problem. I don’t like the idea of you being unprepared. Do you know how to shoot a gun?”

“I do,” you answer moving to rest your head against his chest. “They put us through a rudimentary training program here when I first got here, I know how to defend myself.”

“Rudimentary?” 

“Yeah, it means basic.”

“You’re so smart, glad there’s people like you still around.”

“Well,” angling your head up towards him, “you just spent almost a week in the wilderness protecting us and scavenging for supplies. I’m glad there’s people like you.”

“Hm. Speaking of scavenging, I have something for you. S’why I wanted you to come over here. Shut your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you, okay?”

“Is it good, Joel?”

He chuckles and kisses your forehead. “Of course it’s good, now do what I said.”

You close your eyes, placing your hands over them for extra emphasis. You hear Joel grunt as he stands, he grabs your chin, angles it up and gives you a kiss. 

You feel giddy as you hear him walk away, you try to ascertain where Joel is headed over the soft music playing, hearing his footsteps bound up the stairs. 

You’re downstairs all alone, yet you still don’t open your eyes. 

“Eyes still closed?” Joel shouts from upstairs.

“Yes!” You yell, your voice sparking with excitement. 

“Alright, coming down,” heavy footsteps thud down the steps, “don’t peek.”

“I’m not. Promise.”

You rock back and forth on the couch edge as you hear Joel take a seat on his coffee table across from you. You know you’re a nervous creature, but you haven’t felt this type of excited nervousness in years. 

“You can open ‘em,” he softly instructs. 

Your eyes open, first focusing on Joel, a half grin on his face, your eyes move down to see he has something sitting on his lap.

“How in the world? Joel! How did you find this?” your voice peaking with elation as you grab the small gray box away from his lap.

“Traded my brother for it. He ’n Maria need a crib, so I just signed myself up to furnish their kid’s room.” 

“You didn’t have to do that, plus I don’t want to take their stereo. I can’t do that to them,” you reluctantly lift the stereo towards him.

“They still have a record player and besides, they were happy to help you out when I mentioned it to Tommy,” Joel pushes the stereo back in your lap. “It’s small, but it’ll work until we can get you something better.” 

You push down on the CD door and watch it pop open, you’re amazed the hinges still work, you had something like this in middle school. It was blue, you covered it in butterfly and smiley face stickers. 

“Joel, this is… wow,” tears well in your eyes at his thoughtfulness. “I’ve never had someone do anything like you’ve done for me. You just fixed my guitar last week, and now this?” You hastily wipe a rogue tear that escapes away, “I can’t thank you enough, this is so sweet.”

“No need for tears, it was nothing,” he wipes a tear from your cheek, “really sweetheart, I wanted to do this for you.” 

He grabs the stereo from your lap, placing it next to him on the table. “I still feel like I owe you so much for what you did in there,” his head turns towards his studio. “For years I never believed beauty could exist in this world, people like you never survived,” his eyes meet yours as he turns back, “’n I walk into my home one day ’n you’re with Ellie, I finally meet the teacher she won’t stop talking about. You were so beautiful, ’n you left, leaving your CD. I listened to it, selfishly, because I wanted to know more about you.”

His voice is so soft, his words wrapping you in a feeling you’ve never felt before. 

“All the songs on there I’d never heard, pretty new things you left that I got to hear. Then, you fall ’n I bring you in here, you tell me you painted that elk picture, all I could think about that night was how beautiful you were, just like your painting. I see everything you do in that school room, how pretty it is, how nice you made it for your kids, how you painted the flowers everywhere. After years and years of the life I lived, I needed you to do something like that for me, for my life. Every time I’m around you, I just can’t wait until I see you again.” His eyes don’t leave yours as he brings his hands up to hold your cheeks, the pads of his thumbs rubbing against your chin. “I keep on thinking about that enigma word you called me, and you’re the enigma for me. You still want to make the world—this world better… and you do. I can’t believe you exist, so caring, so soft, so smart, ’n so beautiful. I like when you’re near me, I like how you make me feel new after all this time.” 

Your heart blooms inside your chest, he’s always a man of few words, but the way he confesses his feelings, the way his voice deepens as he tells he you how feels, it makes you want him even more.

His name leaves your mouth as a breath, “I like you near me.” You can’t think of anything else to say.

“That’s good, sweetheart,” he leans forward and kisses you, your hands moving to grab his arms. He’s so big and strong, yet his skin is always so soft and cushioned against your touch. 

His tongue parts your lips and languidly explores your mouth as you taste the bitter coffee left over on his tongue. The way his mouth fits against yours after his words of adoration makes you deepen the kiss grasping his arms tighter.

You want Joel, you’ve thought about last Saturday all week, tensity radiating through your body whenever you’d think about the feeling of your body pressed against his. Every night since lying alone in your bed you’ve been tempted to reach your hand between your legs and soothe the want, but you refused yourself. You dedicated a whole page in your sketchbook to drawing his plush lips, and now they’re back on you. 

You pull back from his kiss catching your breath. “Joel…” 

“You alright?” His wide eyes focused on you.

“I’m good, yeah, just… thinking about how little time it’s been… and I feel like everything is happening so fast… I don’t know, I like it, I just— is it okay?”

“It’s okay with me, if it’s okay with you,” he rubs your knees while he muses. “Time isn’t the same as it was, you take what you can get in the time s’available to you.”

You nod in agreement as goosebumps prickle along your legs from his touch. 

“You were in here only a few weeks ago when you fell,” Joel looks down, “still can see some of the marks left from the rocks on your knees.” He touches you firmer, like he’s trying to contain himself. “You’ve been on my mind since… sometimes you’re all I can think about I know it’s been a short time, but…” his hands roam farther up resting just below your thighs, “I want you, ‘n I really hate wasting time.”

His lips crash against yours, he’s never kissed you like this. It’s enigmatic, his mouth firmly against yours, and yet his movements are so tender, his hands petting you, slowly rubbing against your thighs, tongue languidly licking against yours, but the pressure against your mouth, the firmness of his fingertips as he rubs… he’s so tense and soft. Your arms wrap around his neck as you rise off the couch, your knees thumping against the table as you sit on his lap straddling his thick thighs, never breaking the kiss. 

Two weeks, it’s only been two weeks, but it’s been two weeks of longing glances, shared stories over meals, quiet understandings, smart replies followed by laughter. You’ve wanted this since you first saw him, the desire burning louder once he was no longer a handsome stranger. You’ve reached an ignition point, and Joel is right there with you, holding the match. 

His hands grab your hips, you can feel him against you, his pants tenting against your core.

Denim rubbing against denim as you grind down on top of him. 

Joel peppers kisses down to your chin, running his tongue along your neck, placing open mouth kisses against your collarbone. He explores you like he’s mapped his journey in his head. You tip your head back and moan out as his hands drag up and cup your breasts. He licks his way back up your neck, your hands grab at his jaw, the desire in his eyes darkening them. 

“Joel…” you breathe out.

“What is it sweetheart?”

“I—I want you.”

“Heh,” his exhale hits your lips putting his forehead against yours, “I want you too, baby.”

Baby. A new name, nobody has ever called you baby. The way his drawl stretches out the aaaa, the way his eyes darken even more as he sees what that word does to you, your lips parting with a moan. He catches your moan with his kiss, his lips sucking on your bottom lip, your lips parting to lick his. 

He grabs you by the hips, pulling you closer making you adjust on top of him. He grunts as you grind your core even harder against him trying to soothe the ache between your legs. His hands snake under your shirt, calloused hands palm at the soft skin of your breasts. You haven’t been touched by anybody in over a year, but this? You’ve never been touched like this ever. Other men pale in comparison to Joel Miller. 

Your shirt feels too hot against your skin, you grab at your collar and pull it off, Joel leans back to watch you remove it, he lets out a low rumbled curse as you sit bare chested on top of him. 

“Jesus Christ, you’re so beautiful,” Joel nuzzles his face against your neck and inhales. “Smell so sweet.” 

He buries his head between your breasts, thumbs stroking against your nipples as they harden under his touch. He moves his mouth sealing it over your nipple, your back arching when he sucks it farther in. You whine at the sensation, the want in you sparking even hotter at his touch. 

“Good baby?” His words muffled by your skin, his mouth doesn’t leave your breast. 

“Y-Yes, want your shirt off,” you gasp out, “Want to feel your skin.” He pulls away and straightens, lifting his faded black shirt up and off, throwing it on the couch behind you. 

Your hands reach out and survey the broad expanse of his chest, he’s so warm, you can feel the raised skin of the small scars peppered on him, the smattering of hair across his chest that leads down his belly to his jeans. His breathing rising and falling faster against your hand as you run it across his waistband. You watch yourself unbutton and unzip his jeans. Your tongue comes out to wet your lips as you rub your hands along the length of Joel hidden underneath his underwear. 

“Couch, let’s move,” Joel hisses out. “Here, get up."

You stand on shaky legs, he stays sat on the edge of his coffee table. His hands hold your hips pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your stomach. 

“Want to see all of you first, been thinking ‘bout this after that first day you were on my couch.” 

Your cunt clenches at his words, you don’t think you’ve ever been this wet, and he’s barely even touched you. 

Joel unbuttons and unzips your shorts, he glances up, you give him a nod with a smile that he returns. He pushes your shorts and underwear down leaving you bare and standing in the middle of his living room. Dark brown eyes roam over your body fully on display for him, brows furrowed in concentration as if he’s trying to memorize every mole, curve, scar, and mark on your body. 

“Can’t get over how pretty you are,” he stands up from the coffee table, leaning forward taking your chin in his hand and placing a kiss on your lips. “Now, sit on the couch for me baby.” 

You slowly lower down sitting in the middle pushing your legs together to try to quell the ache in between them.

He stands, his large body looms over you, jeans slung low on his hips, cock laying rigid against the denim. He bends forward and kisses you, hands grabbing your thighs spreading your legs open.

You can feel his breathing accelerate against you as his finger moves across your folds, testing your response, you moan into his kiss as he dips it in and traces a line from your clit to your hole and back.

You’ve imagined him doing this to you back when he was just a crush, just your handsome stranger, your enigma. You never imagined how thick his finger would be, how gentle his touch would feel, how his teeth would gently nibble against your bottom lip. 

“Christ. You’re so tight and it’s just one finger baby,” Joel says, voice low and whispered as he looks down. “Can I taste you?"

You have no words, you grunt a yes as he lowers himself on the floor and pulls you forward, spreading your legs wider. You’re not even shy, being on full display like this, legs stretched open, your pussy dripping for Joel to see. You want him to see all of you, it’s all you’ve ever wished for since that first day you saw his handsome face.

He leans forward, nuzzling his nose against your core. His groan vibrates against your cunt as he tastes you, licking a stripe up.

You’re dripping wet, when Joel adds a second finger you can feel how smooth it slides in and out of you. He looks up from in between your legs while swirling his tongue around your clit, his deep brown eyes gazing into yours. You can’t stop staring at him, the lines between his eyebrows set in determination as he eats you. Your fingers run through his hair, softly combing the waves as his fingers and tongue devastates you.

He’s proven to you numerous times how much he cares for you, but this? This is the ultimate way. The way his fingers pump you, the way his tongue presses down on your clit with the perfect pressure, this is the care you’ve always wanted. 

It’s all so much. What the two of you are doing here in his living room, the build up over the past couple of weeks, the crush you’ve had on him for months culminating here on his couch. The same couch he touched you so tenderly as he bandaged your knee, now that hand is gripping it to stay wide open as he devours you. 

You can feel your orgasm climbing inside with each lick against your swollen clit, each rub of his beard against your sensitive folds, each twist of his fingers inside you. You’re close, so fucking close, and when Joel moans against you, your pussy clenches as it floods with your orgasm. He pulls his fingers out, his tongue licking down to drink you in, tenderly lapping up your wetness, like he’s savoring you and trying to stretch out the time he has between your legs. You moan his name as he leaves a kiss on your clit before pulling away, his mouth and chin glistening from your orgasm. 

Your body tremors through the aftershock of your orgasm, legs still spread wide, your mouth held agape as you pant for air. His hands rub up and down your legs, watching you in awe.  

“Everything about you is too sweet,” he says with a shake of his head as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Still can’t believe you’re real."

He kisses your knee before placing his hands on the couch, anchoring himself to stand. He winces as he rises and stretches his back out. 

“You okay?” you ask as you scoot your back against the couch, noticing how his cock still lays hard underneath his jeans.

“Yeah, just a bad back… probably shouldn’t have been on the floor for that long,” he sees you grimace in guilt, “but it was well worth it.” 

He settles on the couch next to you with a huff, pulling you next to him, feeling his bare chest against yours. 

“What about…” your hand runs up and down his thigh. 

“Mm?” Joel kisses the top of your head. 

“What about me doing the same for you?” your hand moves to grip his bulge. “I want to taste you too.”

Joel groans against your hair, “Yeah? Not gonna argue with that sweetheart.”

Your body thrums at the thought of having Joel in your mouth. You quickly get up from the couch excited that now is your chance to be able to show him how much you’ve thought about this moment.

“You just might be the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen baby,” he whispers in awe as you stand between his legs, “s’not gonna take me long.”

With his sweet words, you kneel down and tug at his jeans and briefs revealing his cock. It’s so large, just like his focus on you, just like the tension in the room, just like the orgasm he just gave you. 

You watch his face as you place a hand on his thigh and wrap your other hand around his rigid shaft, your eyes following the gulp of air he swallows travel down his neck. His skin is so soft here, so warm, you can’t wait to feel him inside your mouth. You slowly pump your fist down his length while lowering yourself onto the floor.

God, he’s gorgeous. His cock twitches in your hand as you hold it, wetting your lips, you bend forward and lick the drop of him that’s leaked out his tip. Salt, sweat… Joel. You moan at the taste, Joel lets a low curse growl out of his mouth when you take him deeper into your mouth. He’s so big, he stretches your lips, opens your throat, fills your mouth fully.

“S’good,” he croaks, his hand brushing a piece of hair away from your forehead, “so pretty.”

You bob your head down taking him to the back of your throat, the thought of how much his big cock is going to fill your cunt sends a flutter through your body. 

Joel’s hand tangles in your hair, lightly tugging and setting a pace as you suck him. 

“S’good baby, close— m’close,” his hips rising and falling to meet your movements.

You nod and hum in agreement hollowing your cheeks and sucking harder. 

His hips pull up, your name whispered out of his mouth as he cums down your throat. You swallow every drop, reveling in the taste of him now being a part of you. 

“Jesus Christ,” he pants, “s’amazing.”

———

“So, about the CD player,” Joel’s voice interrupting your reverie, “I’ve decided it comes with a condition.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, you come with me outside of Jackson for a day.”

“Joel…” 

It’s too late for ultimatums, the only reason you haven’t gotten off his couch and walked home is you’re too comfortable laying against his body that’s currently only clad in his underwear while all you wear is his t-shirt.

“It’s important, it doesn’t have to be now, but soon,” his tone is serious, like he’s overtly concerned about your safety and wellbeing. “Please do it for me, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know what’s out there…”

“And I do, ’n I’ll keep you safe, it doesn’t have to be for long… just long enough so if you do have to leave… it won’t be your first time out in years,” he urges. “Get your bearings ’n everything.” 

“You think I’ll be okay out there?”

“I wouldn’t ask of it if I didn’t think you’d be okay.”

“I suppose it makes sense.”

“S’pose so. Doesn’t have to be now but just, when the time is right, I think it’ll be good for you.”

“Okay, if it means I get to keep the CD player.”

Joel tightens his arms around you, pressing his lips against your hair. “You get to keep the CD player darlin’.”

You don’t leave Joel's until the next morning, the both of you falling asleep on his couch with his arms wrapped around you. 

A/N: Hi! If you've made it down this far, I appreciate you. Thank you for reading and sticking with this story. If you'd like to be added to the tag list, let me know.

Tag list: @orcasoul

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: @stevesbipanic! They have fourteen works under the Stranger Things tag and thirteen of those works are under the Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson tag over on Archive of our Own!!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following of their works by stevesbipanic:

Stevie's Time Loop

Home For Christmas

Remember Me

The Clothes That Make Us

Boy for All Seasons

She's an amazing writer that's able to make you feel connected to the characters, especially Steve. She's able to make me both cry and laugh in the same fic which is a feat to do well. She's also an amazing friend. Stevie's Time Loop is one of my favourite as it's a really unique way of writing a timeloop with large time jumps and most loops focusing on Steve and his trauma rather than finding a solution. - anonymous

Below the cut, @stevesbipanic answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

Steddie was the first ship that ever drove me to write fanfiction. I think the fact that I see myself a lot in both of them, especially Steve makes them so enjoyable to write for me. I think they’re also such moldable characters that you can write them into a lot of different stories quite easily and I love exploring their personalities and dynamics.

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Soulmate AUs because I’m a sucker for true love.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Angst with a happy ending, I love making both these boys and my readers cry but also want them to be happy and in love in the end.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is such a hard question, there are so many talented writers and amazing fics, but if I had to choose one I’d have to say “The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting” by badpancake, it was one of the first time loop fics I read and really inspired my own time loop fic.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’d love to explore a fantasy AU in the future, I know many talented authors writing dragon!eddie and King Steve or knight and bard steddie and it is one of my favourite genres of fics that are outside of Hawkins.

What is your writing process like?

A mess, most of my works on Tumblr are spur of the moment ideas that will come to me and I immediately need to write them down. It’s actually the longer slower projects that are hardest for me since they require a lot more planning and editing, I really admire the authors consistently putting out those big fics.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’d say my most noticeable one is how I write dialogue, I really don’t like writing steve said eddie said etc etc. I usually write each thing said on it’s own line and it’s clear who’s speaking by what they say or how they say it, I think it breaks up the story nicely too since you feel you’re seeing the conversation rather than reading it.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

As soon as I finish writing I want people to see it, I kinda hate sometimes when I’m doing a project and have to wait for a specific time to post but the anticipation can be fun too.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Honestly, I’m most proud of my latest fic “Home for Christmas” it was the first time I’d ever participated in a bang and the project felt huge, it felt like a big achievement getting it all out in the end and it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written as a bonus.

How did you get the idea for Remember Me?

I think I’d been reading a fic where Steve got a concussion and had a bit of temporary memory loss and I just thought what if all those concussions had long lasting effects on Steve’s brain when he grew older. I’ve also experienced a love one going through long term memory loss and how hard it is to watch that.

When writing Stevie's Time Loop, what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect it to become a whole fic! It started off as one little off hand drabble I wrote that alluded to a lot of loops surrounding the scene of Steve and Robin discussing how Robin had a bad feeling about this and just thought well what if this is like time loop deja vu.

What inspired The Clothes That Make Us?

Exploring why Steve dresses how he does and how he likes the things he does and how there’s an emotional reason behind some of the fans favourite outfits was something I wanted to explore more and this was my very first fic I wrote for ao3 so it was a bit daunting but also very exciting.

What was your favorite part to write from Boy for All Seasons?

My favourite part was definitely thinking of all the silly costumes Eddie would come up with as well as flirty Steve is so fun to write.

How do/did you feel writing The Clothes That Make Us?

I felt nervous since it was the first fic I ever wrote but excited since I felt really proud writing something that long and the feedback I got was so heartwarming.

What was the most difficult part of writing Remember Me?

Omg just getting to the end without crying so hard, after I posted it so many people messaged me about how they cried through it, just know I was writing that through tears too!

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

"Thank you for giving me a life worth remembering.” in “Remember Me” makes me want to cry everytime and really shows what we want for our favourite characters is to have a happy life however long they get.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I’ll be posting my fic in the upcoming Reverse Bang in March which is exciting and I’ve got a secret project coming up later this year that people can follow @steddielycrying.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I’d just like to thank everyone who’s supported me through writing, whether it be a random comment on a fic or my lovely mutuals that get me through hard days, this has been an amazing fandom to be apart of and I can’t wait to write more!

Thank you to our author, @stevesbipanic , and our nominator! See more of @stevesbipanic's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[sweetsweetjellybean]

If Tomorrow Never Comes | Part 4 | The Reason

Summary: Trapped in the Upside Down, Steve is prepared to die alone until he finds you hurt and in need of help. Doing your best to survive while the world catches fire, is there time for one more chapter in your story?

Adapted from As The World Burns by @myeuphoricmindset

TW: FemReader, Angst, Smut WC:11038 Masterlist Here

The nights are louder than he remembers. Full of the songs of the cicadas and peepers. The occasional croak of a bullfrog or the hoot of an owl. The distance sounds of traffic from streets away. Somehow it all seems much louder than the Upside-Down. Between the booms of thunder and howls of creatures, there were hours of absolute silence. It’s been six weeks, and Steve hasn’t forgotten how the silence made him feel. Anxious and defensive, like an itch he could never scratch. 

Returning to his dark empty house, the quiet is more than he can stand. It’s become routine for him to sit outside on one of the loungers, watching the last rays of gold sink beneath the treeline, waiting for the sky to cycle through the palette of sunset until darkness finally gives way to the burst of stars. The nighttime sounds calm his worries. This is home. Sitting there, he tries to remember every detail so that it can never be taken from him again. Focusing on the pattern of shadows woven across the moon, he can’t help thinking about you. Are you looking up at the same sky? 

“I thought I’d find you out here,” Nancy’s voice pulls him from his thoughts as she steps out of the house from the sliding glass door. “You didn’t answer when I knocked. I hope you don’t mind. I let myself in.”

“Of course not,” Steve says, twisting to look at her over his shoulder, “Come have a seat,” he gestures to the chaise beside him. 

She moves into the space between the two loungers sitting down sideways so she can face him, folding her dainty hands in her lap. “I heard you were at Dustin’s all day today.”

“I put some shingles on that spot on the roof where the tree fell. They don’t need it leaking when it rains.” Construction is underway all over town. Minor projects are getting pushed down the waitlist as tradesmen try to complete the most lucrative jobs first, so Steve has been doing what he can to help his friends and neighbors.

“Well, that was nice of you,” she comments with a smile.

“Well, if you haven’t heard, I’m a nice guy,” he says with smug charm, his lips quirking on one side, aiming to pull an incredulous laugh from her. 

“I think I may have heard that somewhere before,” she giggles, rolling her eyes before continuing, “You must be hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?” 

“Nah, Mrs. Henderson made pot roast. She wouldn’t let me leave until I ate two helpings.” He rubs his flat stomach, smiling. Dustin’s mom always makes him feel like family. 

“How about a movie then?” she asks, hope filling her voice. 

“I’m exhausted, Nance.” He reaches out, patting her hand, “It’s a nice night. Stay here with me for a while.”

“You’ve been sitting out here a lot lately.” She looks down to where his hand covers hers.

“I never realized what I had until I almost lost it,” he says, pulling away from her and looking back towards the horizon. “I like it out here. It helps me think.”

“Think about what?”

“Everything…nothing. I don’t know.” The longer he looks, the more stars come into view. Simple truths are relieved by just taking the time to look.

“You’ve been so distant.”

Her words have him turning towards her again. She’s still looking down, wrapping her arms around herself, her small hands disappearing into the sleeves of her sweater.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be,” he frowns, watching how she’s trying to protect herself, “Are you cold?” He sits up, unzipping his jacket and pulling it off his shoulders. “Here. Sit back.” He stands and waits for her to swing her legs onto the lounger before tucking his coat over her like a blanket.

“Thanks,” she pauses, settling into the leftover warmth, “I thought this would be our time, and I’ve hardly seen you. We haven’t… we’re barely ever alone together.”

He runs a hand through his hair before sitting sideways on the lounger, taking up her position from earlier. “I guess we haven’t,” he says, knowing he’s been neglecting her, but there’s not much left of himself to give, “Work is keeping me busy, and the kids–”

“Steve,” she cuts him off, frustrated by his excuses, “Volunteering at the shelter and doing odd jobs for free doesn’t count as work. And the kids don’t need you to babysit them anymore. Robin’s been back at Family Video for a few weeks now. She told me that Keith has called you.”

“I don’t want to go back to Family Video,” he says, looking away. He’s been over all this before with Robin. “I’m not ready.”

“I know it’s been hard. We’ve all been through so much, but Max is healing. The kids are fine. Everyone is moving on. It’s time for you to start your life.”

His mouth opens with surprise. “Nance, the kids aren’t fine. Have you seen them? Max is struggling.”

“She’s getting better.”

“Nancy, she’s blind. And it’s not just her. Haven’t you seen the way Lucas panics every time he has to leave her side, even for a few minutes?”

“Steve,” she sits up, his jacket slipping down around her waist as she swings her legs to the side, reaching across the space between them to take his hand, “Nothing you can do is gonna fix that.”

“I know that,” he mumbles, but even acknowledging it stirs his guilt. 

“I think you should come with me to Boston.” her fingers tighten around his as if she can already sense his reluctance.

“Boston? For school?”

“I think you’ll really like it there. It’s smaller than Indianapolis, and there are all these great old buildings. I called Emerson, and I’ve got it all figured out. It’s not too late to get the money back from my room and board. We can get an apartment, and I can get a job on the weekends.”

“I don’t know. You’re supposed to be studying, not working,” he shakes his head, looking away, “I don’t even know what I’d do in Boston.”

“It’s a city. I’m sure you can find some job that you’d like. Anything is better than Scoops, right? Maybe you can even go to school?”

“Sure, Nance, I didn’t get in at Hawkin’s Community, but I’ll pull out that acceptance letter I got from Harvard.” his eyes roll. 

“Then just be with me, Steve. Let’s try and make it work this time,” she moves her head, seeking his eyes, trying to break through the wall between them ever since he’s been back.

He swallows hard and meets her eyes. “I want to, but I can’t leave them.”

She blows out a deep breath and lets go of his hand.

“What if something happens? What if it starts again?”

“It’s not going to, Steve. It’s over,” she emphasizes, like it's something she’s explained before. “Why can’t anyone accept that?” Her question makes him realize maybe she has just not to him. He may not be the only one thinking of someone else. Steve has only seen Will a few times since he’s been home. The boy’s clothes were even looser on his slight frame, and purple skin circled his sunken eyes, and Jonathan wasn’t leaving for school in the fall.

“That’s what we thought the last time, Nance. That’s what we’ve thought every time,” he says, his voice quiet but resolved, “I need to stay until they graduate–”

“That’s three more years,” she complains.

“They need me.”

“I need you.”

“No, you don’t.” he gives her a soft smile, reaching for her again, “You never have, not even once.” 

She swipes at the tears forming in her eyes before they can fall. There isn’t anything else she can say.

“Come’er,” he tugs her off her seat, pulling her into his side as he settles back onto his lounger. Her arm wraps around him as she rests her head on his chest, the worry coming off her in waves. “It’s going to be alright, he smooths his hand over her hair, “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” she says, snuggling closer, “Just don’t take too long.”

He holds her tightly as he looks back toward the darkened sky, the endless stars glinting as brightly as the moon. He tries to imagine his life with her in Boston, sitting on the rooftop of their tiny apartment. Would the stars shine as vividly with all the city lights? Would he still be thinking of you?

“Double check for any loose nails,” Steve instructs Dustin as he climbs down the ladder, his white t-shirt covered in sweat and dirt.

“Sure thing, Dad,” Dustin says smartly as he picks up the discarded singles that Steve had tossed down from the roof and throws them into the trash barrel. 

“You don’t want one of those shooting out of the lawn mower,” he points his finger at the boy before picking up a bottle of water and taking a long pull. Despite the cool nights, the heat during the day still felt oppressive, and he could feel the tenderness of a burn beginning on the back of his neck.

“You don’t want one of those shooting out of the mower,” the boy mimics in a mocking voice before adding, “What an asshole.”

“Hey!” Steve fumes, settling his hands on his hips just as Mrs. Henderson comes toddling out of the house holding two glasses of lemonade.

“Oh boys, you finished! It looks so nice,” she says, handing the boys the lemonade and stepping back to admire the view, “You two did a great job.”

“You can’t even see it from down here, Mom,” Dustin scoffs. Earning a warning glance from Steve.

“Well, I can just tell,” Claudia Henderson informs her son, “It’s going to be such a relief not to worry every time it rains,” she says, turning her attention to the other boy, “I can’t thank you enough, Steven. I know you said I couldn’t pay you but here,” she pulls some folded bills from her pocket trying to hand them to Steve.

“No, thank you, Mrs. Henderson,” Steve waves his palms in front of his chest, “The pot roast was thanks enough. It’s been a while since I had a meal like that.”

“Well, you’re welcome anytime. Isn’t that right, Dusty?” She looks for confirmation from her son. When Dustins folds his arms across his chest with a mumble of ‘son of a bitch’, her face goes red with embarrassment. She recovers quickly, smiling at Steve, “Would you like to stay tonight? I’ve got a casserole already to go in the oven.”

“Well–”

“Not tonight, Mom,” Dustin cuts in before Steve can finish, “I’m going to Gareth’s for Hellfire.”

“Dusty, We’ve talked about this. I don’t think that’s safe after everything that’s happened,” Claudia says, her fingers clutching the front of her shirt.

“Jesus Christ, Mom. Eddie’s dead. What more do you want?”

“Watch it, Henderson,” Steve says, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“Why don’t you fuck off, Steven,” Dustin says, shrugging him off.

“Dusty!“

“Excuse us,” Steve says to Mrs. Henderson as he grabs Dustin by the collar and yanks him around the corner of the house.

“Since when do you talk to your mother like that?” Steve asks the boy as he releases him against the side of the house. “I know you’ve been feeling bad since Eddie, but you need to get this attitude in check. She doesn’t deserve that, and neither does anyone else.”

“Don’t you dare say his name,” Dustin says, his voice rising in anger as he puts both hands on Steve’s chest and shoves him away. “You didn’t know him or care about him. Just do me a favor and add his name to the list of people you don’t give a shit about and forget you ever met him.”

“What are you talking about?” Steve asks, confused. “Wait. Are you mad at me?”

“Ding ding ding. Good detective work, Sherlock Holmes,” Dustin says, trying to walk away until Steve stops him, grabbing the front of his shirt. 

“So help me, I may not win many fights, but I know I can kick your ass, you little shit,” he pushes Dustin back against the house. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

“Like you care,” the boy spits, his face red with anger. 

“Of course I care!” Steve yells, waving his hands. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but for how long?” Dustin challenges.

“What?”

“Just until you get to play the hero again. Right, Steve?” he asks sarcastically. 

“Are you kidding me, dude?” Steve asks, catching on. How can he actually think that? “That’s what this is all about because I pushed you through the gate? I did that for you. So you wouldn’t get stuck there. Someone had to stay-“

“Don’t give me that. You did it to be the hero. I begged Eddie not to go back,” Dustin yells, his voice cracking, nose beginning to run, “He just wouldn’t listen, and neither would you. I don’t need another dead friend, Steve. I need you here.”

“I am here!” 

“I heard you,” he says, swiping at his eyes, “When El found you, screaming for her not to take you. You don’t know what it took to get you out. To get that gate back open. What we risked. Tell me again how much you care about us.”

“You got this all wrong. I care about you. All of you,” Steve shakes his head and pulls the boy into a reluctant hug, “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere, you understand?” 

Dustin nods into Steve’s chest, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand, and Steve recognizes the gesture as his own. He clears his throat, but his voice still comes out thick with emotion. “All I thought about was getting home, man. I just couldn’t leave her behind.”

Dustin sniffs, one arm reluctantly landing on Steve’s back. “There’s one thing I don’t get, Steve. If she was so important, then where is she?”

The polished silverware slides against each other, hitting the back of the drawer with a loud clank when Steve yanks it open with more force than necessary. He pulls out a fork and retrieves the open can of SpaghettiOs before heading outside through the slider of the sunroom. The conversation with Dustin plays on a loop in his mind. It’s clear the scars that they all bear are more than skin deep. How do you rejoin a life that doesn’t belong to you anymore? 

He sits on the lounger stirring the tomatoey contents of the can. It’s later than usual. The sun has long since dipped below the horizon. A light mist hangs over the pool's surface, its blue-green light brightening the dark corners of the yard. With the thick clouds obscuring the waning moon and stars, the woods surrounding the yards stay shrouded in shadows. Decisions hang over his head like a knife about to drop, hurting the people he cares about. It’s not the past that’s hard to let go. It’s the future that was never supposed to be.

“I don’t know how you can stand that stuff cold,” Hopper’s voice comes from beside Steve just as the first bite passes his lips. 

“I guess it’s just a habit now,” Steve replies as Hopper eases himself down on the chair beside him, a six-pack in his hand. He pulls one from the plastic ring, handing it to Steve before taking one for himself. 

“Hmm,” Hopper cracks the tab of the Schlitz and takes a loud slurp, “Habits can be hard to break.”

Hopper had been dropping by Steve’s a couple of times a week since he had been home. Steve isn’t sure if this is Hopper’s way of checking up on him or if he just wants an hour of quiet before returning to the full house he shares with Joyce. Hopper has as much on his mind as Steve. Some nights they don’t exchange more than a few words. Whatever his reasoning for stopping by, Steve welcomes the company.

“So,” Steve says after washing down a couple more mouthfuls of Spaghettios with the cold beer, “If I needed to find the address for someone outside of town, is that something you could help me with?”

Hopper’s answer comes in the form of a smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he pulls a slip of paper from his breast pocket, holding it out to Steve in between two fingers.

There’s a skeptical look on Steve’s face as he takes the paper from the older man. Hopper picks up his beer, going in for another sip as Steve unfolds the note, his eyes widening. 

“You’re a damn good cop. You know that, right?” Steve asks, stuffing the paper into the pocket of his jeans. 

“You’re not the first one to tell me, kid,” Hopper says, settling back into his lounge and looking to the sky where the clouds have shifted and thinned. Beams of light push through the thin wisps, brightening the darkness. “Whatta ya know?” Hopper says, pulling a cigar from the same pocket, “Looks like it might be a clear night after all.”

A light breeze blows the gauzy material of your sundress around your bare legs as you walk down the street toward your apartment. As you hitch your tote higher, the sun warms your shoulders, and a smile plays at your lips. The pieces of your life always find their way together like a jigsaw puzzle without the bigger picture. Forcing them into what you want never works, but eventually, they fit, a new section more beautiful than you imagined is laid out before you.

Your eyes lift from the sidewalk as a car speeds past, Higher Love blasting out of its open windows. The notes blend with the rush of wind through the trees that line your street. One yellow leaf flutters to the ground, an unmistakable sign that the end of summer is near. You watch the car cruise down the road until it passes the stone steps of your apartment. Your stomach and heart turn somersaults when you see him sitting there watching you from behind a pair of dark avatars, a million-dollar smile gracing his handsome face. Your pulse quickens as you approach, wondering if he will always have this effect on you. 

“Hi,” he says, pulling off his glasses and tucking them into the collar of his white tee just as the car turns the corner and the music fades away.

“Hi yourself,” you say, stopping in front of him. “This is a surprise.”

“I thought it was fair,” he shrugs, squinting up at you with one eye slightly closed. “We have unfinished business.” He moves his coat and an empty soda can to his other side, inviting you to join him on the steps.

Climbing a few, you sit next to him, letting the bag fall from your shoulder to rest beside you. “What’s this business?” you ask, your arms circling your knees.

He smirks in response, turning to pull something from his jacket. Returning with a cellophane packet of Twinkies in his hand. “The other pack got a little squished,” he explains as his long fingers tear open the packaging, “These are fresher. I checked the date.” He hands you one of the yellow cakes before taking the other for himself. 

“Thanks,” you laugh, taking the slightly sticky treat from his hand. He brings his to his mouth but pauses, wanting to watch you take your first bite, and you oblige him. One hand hovering under your mouth to catch the crumbs as your teeth breach the soft cake. The sweetness is overwhelming you as much as his gesture. “Mmmm, that’s good,” you say with your mouth still full. 

“Yeah?” He asks, smiling, taking pleasure in your reaction, at how it feels just being near you again like no time has passed.

“Mmmhmm.” Your tongue darts out, licking the filling from your lips, missing a tiny glob in the corner. Before you can make a second pass, he swipes it away with the pad of his thumb, bringing it to his mouth to taste. Behind you, the apartment door opens, and your neighbor from upstairs is maneuvering around you with a heavy box in his arms. Steve’s arm is around your waist, pulling you closer to his side, giving your neighbor more room to get by. It happens quick enough for you to feel dizzy. Five minutes ago, you didn’t think you’d see him again, and now he’s surrounding you, heat lingering like a ghost every place he touches you. The thin material of your skirt barely separates your skin from his Levi-covered legs, his mouth just inches from yours as he bites into his Twinkie. 

Your hand shakes as you turn away from him to pull a bottle of water from your bag. Twisting the lid, you take a few gulps to give yourself a moment to regroup.

“Are you alright?” He eyes you with a curious expression. He knows you too well. “Is it okay that I’m here?” He asks, his voice dropping, turning serious.

“I’m always glad to see you, Steve,” you answer honestly. It’s the goodbyes that you can’t bear.

He takes a moment, looking down at the cracked sidewalk. “You look really pretty,” the corners of his mouth lift but not with charm or arrogance, with something much softer. “I mean, you’re always pretty, but when I saw you coming down the street, you looked happy. I didn’t get to see that when we were…there.”

“Thank you. So do you, but I kind of miss the axe.”

A laugh bursts from deep in his chest, “Yeah? Did that do it for you?”

“Definitely,” you giggle, nudging him with your shoulder, “Want some?” You tip your bottle towards him. 

“Sure,” he takes it from you.

“It’s my new habit,” you nod toward the bottle, “I get a bit panicked if I don’t have water with me. Kinda crazy, right?”

“Nah,” he takes a sip before replacing the cap and handing it back to you, “That’s not so bad as far as habits go. It’s kind of a smart one, actually. I keep eating Chef Boyardee cold.”

“Eww.” Your nose scrunches.

“Right out of the can,” he chuckles, his fingers circling your wrist, gently pulling your arm into his lap, turning it to reveal the healing scar running down the inside of your arm. “I can’t stand the quiet at night,” he says without looking up from your arm. “I sit outside on my back deck for the noise. It’s where I think about you.” His long fingers trace the raised skin with the softest pressure. “I fall asleep out there most nights.”

“I sleep with the lights on,” you admit in a quieter voice, loving and hating how he touches you like you belong to him-like you’ll always belong to him. “And I stuff a couple of pillows behind me, so it feels like yo–like I’m not alone.” 

His eyes lock with yours, and his fingers still. An ache that dulled over the past few weeks but never disappeared completely, crashes over you like a wave. You belong to him, but he’ll never be yours. Not here. Only in another world. Pulling your arm back, you wrap it back around your knees.

He frowns, sensing the shift between you, and changes the subject. “Were you coming from school?” he nods in the direction you came from. 

“Oh. Um, yeah,” you say, following his eyes. The center of campus is a few blocks away from your apartment.

“Have classes started?” he asks, thinking about the answer he owes Nancy.

“No. Not for a few more weeks. I-uhh…I was changing my schedule. I’m not going to do fieldwork anymore. I’m going to teach instead. Maybe high school,” you explain.

“But you loved it,” his eyebrows pull together in a straight line. 

The same expression your advisor gave you when you told him. “I know, but I can’t. Not anymore.”

His Adam’s apple bobs, an expression of guilt washing over his face.

“Hey, don’t feel bad for me. Teaching’s a good gig. Great hours. Summers off. There are worse jobs.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” he says, recovering. “You can force all those kids to listen to your bad jokes.”

“Exactly,” you laugh, squeezing your knees tighter, “What about you? Have you figured out what you want to do yet?”

“No, not yet,” his head turns away, looking down the other side street, “Nancy wants me to come with her to Boston.”

Your heart cracks open even though you knew this was coming. “So you’re together again?”

He turns, shaking his head, “No. Not really. She wants to be.”

“And what do you want?” you ask, but your heart already knows the answer.

“I don’t know,” both hands card through his thick hair, pulling on the ends, “I don’t know. It’s not that easy. The kids….Nothing makes sense to me anymore. Nothing’s made sense since the last time I was with you. That’s why I had to see you.”

“I think you know exactly what you want.” You place your hand on his knee, a gesture meant to comfort, but he takes full advantage, covering your hand with his, lacing his fingers through yours. You should pull away, but your heart pleads to take what you can. Goodbye is just on the horizon. 

“You’ve loved her for so long.”

“It doesn’t feel right anymore,” he argues, leaning closer, his forehead brushing yours.

“I think,” you pause, wetting your lips, and his eyes track the movement. “I think you’ve been making decisions thinking of everyone else for so long you’ve forgotten what it’s like to choose something that will make you happy.”

“What if the right thing,” his voice has dropped to just louder than a whisper as his nose runs along your cheek, “and what I want is the same thing?”

“Steve,” your breaths are coming in shudders from deep in your chest. Tears sting behind your eyes as a cruel voice repeats from the back of your mind. He’ll never choose you. 

“Can we go inside?” his lips touch yours with the barest of brushes.

His question is a jolt of ice water up your spine. You’ve indulged yourself too long. If you let him in now, tomorrow when he’s gone, you won’t recover. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you say, pulling back. You let your resolve steel your spine as you stand. Climbing a few steps, putting distance between you. 

He stands, trying to follow. Sadness and confusion marring his pretty face. “Honey– "

You stop him with a hand held out in front of you. “All of this. Everything we’ve been through. It happened so you can get what you’ve always wanted. So she can see you. Don’t throw it away, Steve. You’re going to thank me someday.”

His mouth opens, but he can’t find the words. Stepping forward, you throw your arms around him in a hug too quick for him to return before you step back. “I’m so happy to have seen you again.” you smile, working hard to keep your tone enthusiastic, promising yourself you will not fall apart despite the pain. Not this time. “Send me a postcard from Boston, okay?” you ask, but you’re already turning away, pulling your keys from your tote, and moving to the door.

“I miss you,” he says. The pain in his voice makes you pause and close your eyes.

“I don’t think I’ve ever missed anyone before, not the way I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you turn back to him. You know he’s trying, but it’s not enough, not after having him. He’s still not choosing you, and you deserve someone who will, even though it’s so tempting to give in to him.

“Maybe I’ll surprise you next time,” you keep it light, “I’ll show up in Boston when I need someone to share a Twinkie. Take care of yourself, Steve,” you push your key into the lock.

“Wait. Wait, he says, waving his hands before they settle on his hips, “If you’re so sure I’m supposed to be with her, then what’s your reason? Why were you there? Why did we even meet?”

Your eyes shift to your shoes, trying to find an answer that isn’t a lie, reasoning that it’s okay to lie if it’s for his own good. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.”

The lock clicks before he can say anything else, and you quickly seal yourself on the other side. You wait until you see him walking down the steps to let yourself into your apartment. Immediately dropping your bag and leaning your back against the door. Your hand moves to your stomach as you silently apologize for your lie. Pushing away, you walk through your tiny kitchen to the refrigerator. Rubbing your eyes, you refuse to let a tear fall. You won’t regret doing the right thing. Your hand wraps around the handle before you yank it open and pull out a juice container. “It was the right thing,” you whisper, letting the door swing closed, revealing the black and white strip of photos of a small blurry shape taped to the other side. “For all of us.”

The buzzing from the cars zooming past in a haphazard flow does nothing to calm Steve’s nerves as he makes the long drive back to Hawkins.

“Fuck,” he slams his hand against the wheel as the memory of you closing that door, shutting him out of your life, replays in his mind. He shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. He shouldn’t have pushed. After being apart for so long, he should have known better. But seeing you come down the street, having you so close–it was like no time had passed. It felt natural to touch you. He had just wanted to talk. Just wanted to see that you were alright, but the feel of your soft skin under his fingertips had only made him want more. And then, just like before, it was over before it really began.  

Steve snaps off the radio, cutting off Lindesy’s pleas. One thing had come out of it, though. He had gone to you looking for clarity, and you had given it to him. You were right. He does know what he wants. He keeps the radio off, rolling down the window, listening to the sounds of life around him. Watching the highways turn into towns and more familiar roads until he was crossing the Hawkins town line. Passing the turn for Cornwallis, he heads north toward Maple. The house is dark when he pulls into the driveway, his lights bouncing off the second-story window he had climbed through more than a few times before. But not tonight. He turns the key, pulling it from the ignition, the leather creaking as he leans back in his seat, closing his eyes. The light’s still low, just breaking, when the knock on his window wakes him. The blue of Nancy’s eyes is brighter than the sky as she stands barefoot, freezing her nightgown. She takes his hand as they walk inside.

“I’m working on it, Flo,” Hopper yells in response to the knock at his closed office door. He scrambles for the empty file folder stuck between his booted feet and the desk that they are resting on. He wraps the folder around the copy of Car and Driver that he’s been reading and quickly shoves the half-eaten donut into his top drawer. Replacing it with a red apple that he takes a big bite of just as his door swings open. 

“Oh, it’s you,” he says as Steve wanders into his office, shutting the door behind him and sitting heavily in the chair in front of Hopper’s desk.

“What do you want?” Hopper asks as he settles back further in his chair, his eyes moving back to the file folder he’s holding up in front of him.

“How about a job?” Steve asks, his eyes roving around the small office.

“Ha, good one,” Hopper chuckles, pulling out a camel from his breast pocket.

“I’m serious, Hop.” 

Hopper narrows his eyes as he lights his cigarette. “What’s gotten into you, kid? Having regrets about not leaving with Nancy a few weeks ago?”

“No. Nothing like that. It was never gonna work out,” Steve says, shaking his head. He said goodbye to Nancy the morning she found him outside her house. He loved her, but they weren’t right for each other. It would have left them both broken if they’d forced their lives to fit together. So, he let her go like you had let him go with affection and without regrets. Another chapter closed. 

“I’m ready to figure out what to do with my life.”

Hopper stays quiet, taking another drag from his smoke.

“I figure I’m pretty good at helping people, so that’s what I want to do,” Steve shrugs.

“This isn’t just helping old ladies across the street, Harrington,” Hopper says, sitting up in his chair and blowing out a steady stream of smoke, “It’s hard work.”

“Yeah, I can eat donuts and read Car and Driver, too, Chief,” Steve says, waving a hand toward Hopper.

“Watch it, kid,” Hopper says, slamming the magazine on his desk and stubbing out his cigarette, “What happened with the girl?”

“The girl?” Steve questions

“You went to see her, right?” Hopper asks, leaning forward on his elbows. “What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” Steve says, looking away.

Hopper’s jaw tightens as his eyes turn to slits under thick eyebrows.

“What do you want me to say?” Steve asks, crossing one leg over the other. “She wasn’t interested.”

“Let me get this straight. You went there?”

“Yup.”

“Knocked on her door?”

“Waited for her to get home half the day.”

“Then you told her you weren’t going with Nancy?”

“Well–“

“And that you’re in love with her.”

“Not exactly.”

“You are in love with her?”

“I–”

“What’s wrong with you, Harrington?” Hopper asks, gripping the edge of his desk, “Are you stupid or something?”

“Jesus, Hop,” Steve says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Have you seen them out there?” Hopper’s uniform-covered elbow slams down on the desk as he points to the closed door, “I’m full up on stupid. Now,” he says, sitting back and crossing his arms over his chest, “I might have something for someone who’s got their shit together, but right now that aint you, Harrington. So, come back and talk to me when you do.” 

“Hop, I–“

“I don’t want to hear it, Harrington. You might be able to do some real good someday, but right now, I’m busy. Important police business to take care of,” Hopper says, propping his feet back up on the desk and burying his face in the magazine.

Steve isn’t sure if it’s sentimentality or sheer curiosity that drew him here, but he did know as soon as he saw the stack of folded afghans being placed in a box at the shelter that this is where he’d end up. On first approach, the cottage doesn’t appear much different than the one in the Upside-down. The tiny home still remained obscured by tall sugar maples and eastern white pines. White curls of paint still clinging to the old timber walls next to sturdy black shutters. But the well-tended beds of colorful flowers that line the walkways and front of the cottage give it a more inviting feel. 

His shoes scrape up the stone steps, where he stops to take a fortifying breath preparing to see the woman that used to haunt his bad dreams. His knuckles wrap against the door while flashes of himself cutting away vines play in his mind.

“Mrs. Willard,” he calls after hearing a series of loud coughs on the other side of the door. 

“Just a minute. Just a minute,” Her voice gets closer as he hears the locks being worked before the door swings open, “Jesum crow, give an old lady a minute to get to the door.” 

Anne Willard’s full height barely put her at the center of Steve’s chest. Her poof of white curls gave her an extra few inches, as well as the sensible black shoes that adorned her feet. “Whatever you’re selling, I don’t want any,” she huffs, ready to slam the door.

“I’m not selling anything, ma’am,” Steve says, giving her one of his best smiles, “I’m Steve Harrington, a volunteer from the shelter over at the middle school. I don’t think anyone thanked you for donating all those blankets, so I wanted to stop by and ask if there was anything I could help you with around your property.”

“Help me?” She takes a step forward, her balled hands landing on her hips, head tipped up to look Steve in the eye, “Do you think I’m senile? Can’t take care of myself?”

“No, ma’am. I know you’re alone out here, and I thought I could be useful.”

“Humph. Well, I guess we’ll have just to wait and see about that,” she says, her clear blue eyes as sharp as a woman half her age, “You better come inside then.”

She turns on her heel, leaving the door open, and Steve with no choice but to follow her. His eyes roam the familiar space. She must not have changed a thing in her home since time stopped in the Upside-down. He feels like he’s lived a lifetime here instead of only a few days. 

“Tea,” Mrs. Willard says, raising her finger as she starts down the hall leading to the kitchen. Steve follows her, ghosts echoing in his heart as he passes the closed door of the bedroom where he made love to you. 

The kitchen is the same, with brighter sunlight pouring through the windows and backdoor. Fresh flowers stuffed in pitchers dot surfaces between the knit-covered crockery. The older woman stops in front of the butcher block countertop, pushing up on her toes to reach for two mugs from the open shelving. 

“Let me do that, Mrs. Willard,” Steve says, reaching beside her and retrieving the mugs.

“Enough with the Missus stuff. Anyone who makes tea in my kitchen calls me Anne,” she says, shuffling to the table and sitting, “The kettle is right there on the–” 

But Steve already has the kettle filling. The knited cozy folded neatly near the stove.

“Well, you certainly know your way around a kitchen,” she says, looking at him with a curious eye as he starts the kettle boiling and drops the teabags into the cups. 

“I remember you,” she says when he turns and leans against the counter, “I know your mother. You used to run around town with your little gang like you were the Prince of Hawkins. So tell me, have you done any growing up since then?”

“I’d like to think so,” he says as the kettle starts to sing. He pulls it from the stove, pouring water into each mug, and brings both cups to the table.

“Now,” she says, folding her hands in her lap while waiting for the tea to steep, “Is there anything I need doin’? Let’s see, I had the gutters cleaned a few months back. I mow my own lawn and tend to the garden. Besides that, there’s not much else to do. My Jacob built this whole place himself, and it’s just as sturdy as the day we moved in.”

“You have a beautiful home, Anne,” he comments, trying out her first name. “You don’t see places built this solid.” The cottage was the only house they came across in the Upside-Down that was mainly untouched by the decay.

“He built it as a wedding gift. He knew I loved the lake. I just wish we had more years here together. So much wasted time.”

“How long were you married?”

“Forty-three wonderful years. Not enough,” she smiles sadly, sorting through her memories. “We got married at nineteen, but that was considered late at the time. We met when I was sixteen, and everyone knew Jacob was sweet on me right from the start. Walking me home, and bringing me flowers, but every time he asked to take me out, I turned him down flat. I thought he was too good for me. You see, Jacob was from a very well-to-do family. Things like that mattered so much more back then. I told him he shoulda been courting Ellen-Mae Sattler. Her family owned the quarry and half the town. It was no secret she had her sights set on him, but he wouldn’t hear of it. Every time I sent him away, he’d just come right back.”

“How did he finally convince you,” Steve asks, completely wrapped up in her story.

“Well, one day he just showed up with a ring and said, ‘I love you, Annie, and if you turn me down, it’s not going to make one lick of difference cause I’m just gonna keep on loving you anyway.’ We got married three days later." Her lip quivers as her eyes turn glossy. "The Lord knows I miss that man every day. Suppose I’ll be joining him soon enough.”

“I know he’ll be waiting, Anne,” Steve says, covering her hand with his.

“Oh well, now I’ve gotten all weepy,” she says, picking up a napkin to dab at her eyes. “Now, what about you, young man? Do you got a girl out there that you love like that?”

“Yeah,” he says, a smile ghosting his lips, “I definitely do.”

A bright flash lights up your small living room, follows a round of thunder rattling the rain-streaked windows. Wrapping your arms tighter around yourself as you sit on your worn couch with your knees pulled up, tucked under your oversized Perdue sweatshirt, you take deep soothing breaths. There have been storms since you’ve returned, but not like this. Not the kind that has the entire sky dark and purple with near-constant thunder. Not the kind with so much lighting, the hair on your arms stands up straight, and you can feel electricity buzzing in the air. It’s taken you right back there, and this time you’re alone. 

With another loud boom, the lamp in the corner of the room cuts out, and the room falls into near darkness. “One-two-three,” you count, trying to keep your voice steady and breathing even. As suddenly as it turned off, the light flares on, and the display on your VCR flashes zeros. A deep sigh escapes your chest just as the door buzzer sounds.

Your muscles are stiff with tension as you stand up, moving towards the intercom, “Who is it?”

“It’s Steve.” The sound of his voice is barely audible over the pouring rain. One hand moves to your mouth while your thumb punches the button, unlocking the door. Here he is, saving you again.

Your fingers shake as you work the locks as quickly as you can, opening the door to him standing there half-drenched, hair dripping onto the collar of his soaked gray jacket, a wet crumpled bag in his right hand. He hasn’t taken a full step over the threshold when you are crushing yourself into his chest, your arms going around his middle. Stiffening, he swallows hard before dropping the bag, his arms wrapping tightly around you. He’s freezing but somehow still filling you with warmth.

“I’m sorry,” you say against his chest, “The storm.”

“It’s okay,” he reassures, pulling you closer, letting his hands trail up and down your back, “you’re alright.”

The feel of his lips ghosting at your temple brings you back to awareness, and you step away from him, heat rising from your chest to your cheeks. “Sorry,” you say again, yanking on the cuffs of your sweatshirt, “You picked a good time to drop by,” you chuckle, trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Yeah?” he laughs with you, “Would you mind if I come in then?”

“Ohmygod,” you cover your face with your hands, “Of course.” 

Your eyes shift around your kitchen, trying to remember what you might have left out as he picks up his bag and follows you through your apartment into your living room. A small one-bedroom subsidized by the university, is a step up from the dorms you were lucky to get. The galley kitchen leads into the small living room, big enough for a sofa and a desk, that surface overflows with books and papers. 

“Nice place,” he says, concern filling him as he watches you flinch with the next flash of lightning.

“Thanks.” You stand in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do now, watching as he unzips his wet jacket revealing a crisp Polo. He carefully folds it, trying to avoid tracking more water through your apartment, and looks around for somewhere he can put it down.

“Let me get you a towel,” you say, rushing from the room down the narrow hallway, trying to calm the rapid beating of your heart. The wind picks up outside. The storm is right over you now. Branches of the tree outside your bedroom sway back and forth, scraping against your windows. The bi-fold doors of the overstuffed closet stick when you try to pull them open. 

“Shit,” you cry when they won’t budge more than an inch.

“Everything okay?” Steve’s worried voice calls from the living room.

The lights flicker as quick snaps of lightning flash like a strobe while you tug harder on the handles. Thunderclaps roar loud enough to shake the entire building as the doors burst open with one last tug that sends you falling backward onto your butt as half your closet empties onto the floor. 

“No,” you press your hands to your cheeks, overwhelmed as panic and frustration claw their way up inside you. Ignoring how your head swims, you move to your knees, chasing loose geodes scattered across the floor, when you feel his hands on your shoulders. 

“Leave it for now,” he says, his warm hands covering your shaking ones as he helps you to your feet. “It’s not important. We’ll get it cleaned up in a minute.”

Tears prick at your eyes as you nod, trying to slow your breathing.

“It’s okay.” He cups your jaw, tipping your head back so you’re focused on him. The deep hazel of his eyes pulls you in. “Stay with me. I’ve got you, okay? It’s you and me.” 

Your hands move to his chest, bunching the fabric into your fists, bringing him closer. Despite the questions that swirl lost somewhere in your mind, you can’t deny yourself the comfort he offers. 

“I won’t leave you.” His chest tightens, hoping this is a promise he’s allowed to keep. 

“Why aren’t you in Boston?” you ask as a tear spills over your lash line.

“Honey,” his eyes soften as his thumb strokes your cheek, “I was never going to Boston.”

As his arms move around you, bringing you close, you let out a breath that you feel you’ve been holding since you woke up in the hospital. One that has been keeping you from falling to pieces because now you can—he’s holding you together. 

Without leaving the safety of his arms, you let him lead you to the couch. Your head finds a home on his chest, and you bring your legs up, curling into him. Something warm gets tucked around you. He holds you close as the storm rages outside, his heartbeat lulling you into calm. At some point, your eyes must have closed because the sound of light rain is the next thing you remember.

“It passed,” Steve says, tightening his hold on you when he feels you stirring, hoping he doesn’t have to let you go yet. Content to stay, you snuggle in deeper, tugging the afghan tighter around you both. The familiar softness of the downy yarn catches your attention. 

“Wait, where did you get this?” you ask, sitting up, the scalloped edges running between your fingers, give way to a pattern of multicolored flowers. 

“I went to the cottage. Mrs. Willard gave it to me, but I knew right away that it belonged with you.” His arm slides from your shoulder, traveling the length of your back.

“You went there?” An ache runs rampant through your chest. As the sensible voice inside you begs you not to let him climb through the cracks into your heart.

“I needed to see it,” he takes your hand, eager to keep the connection, “it was exactly the same. She hasn’t changed a thing. I asked if she needed any help, but as it turned out, the only thing she needed was someone to listen.”

"And what did she say?"

“She just talked,” he shrugs. “She told me about her husband and their life together. It made me realize how much time I’ve wasted,” he lifts his eyes to yours, “You were right, I know what I want. I want you. You’re the one I can’t live without.”

After all these weeks, the words you didn't dare dream of fall easily from his lips. Leaving what was left of your battered armor to shatter and fall away.  

“I should never have left you in the hospital, and I should never have said goodbye. I should have fought for you like I did there. I know you don’t think we belong together, but you loved me. Is there any part of you that still does?”

“I never stopped.” The tears run down your face faster than you can wipe them away. “I can’t. I love you, Steve.”

His eyes light up at your confession. His lips pull tight into a smile as he leans forward, dipping his head, but you stop him with a hand on his chest.

“I love you,” you start again, choking on the words, “But there are things you don’t know about. Things that could change your mind.”

The secret you’ve been keeping is a band on your heart, constricting its beats. One that you know will change everything.

“Honey, whatever it is…I love you. We survived the world burning down around us. We can make it through anything.” 

His hand moves to your neck, but you push him away, “No, Steve, you don’t understand,” you hiccup as the tears blur your vision. “I should have told you.”

“It’s okay. I promise,” His thumbs wipe away your tears, “Let me get you some water, and you can tell me.” He stands, leaving you for the kitchen while you try to find a way to tell him. 

There’s no doubt in your mind that Steve would do the right thing, and that’s exactly why you couldn’t tell him. He would stay with you out of obligation, and one morning you’d wake up to resentment written all over his face as he trudges through the day instead of living out his dreams. You won’t take that from him. So you’ll tell him, and then you’ll let him go for the last time taking your heart with him. The cabinet bumping closed reminds you of what's pinned on your fridge.

“Steve, wait!” you scramble toward the kitchen, but you're too late. He turns the corner, his eyes lowered to the ultrasound photos he’s carrying in his hands.

You stand still, quiet sobs wracking your chest, like a chess piece on a board waiting to see if his next move will knock you down. 

His eyes finally rise, full of hurt and shock. "You're having my baby."

You owe him so much more than the nod of your head, but the words stay lodged in your throat. The sound of soft rain hitting the windows fills the silence between you. He carefully sets the strip of scans on your desk, making sure they have their own spot like they’re something precious. He staggers toward you, moving slowly like he’s afraid to frighten you, his face still in a daze.

“I’m sorry,” you manage as he stops before you. He shakes his head from side to side, keeping his eyes lowered. 

“You don’t have to…”

Your words trail off as he sinks to his knees. Placing a gentle hand on your belly, he leans forward until his forehead rests softly beside it.

“Hi,” he whispers, “I’m your dad.”

His fingers stroke feather light where his child is growing inside you. He’s never imagined anything more beautiful.

“You want us?” you ask in whispered tones, “Are you sure?”

“Honey, you’re giving me family. It’s all I have ever wanted.” His lips press softly against your belly.

Your breath leaves your lungs in a whoosh taking your fears with it. The love you feel for him—him and the part of him inside you, cracks open your heart until it’s filling every part of you with such a force you’re surprised you can’t see it glowing under your skin.

“Are they okay?” he asks, lifting his head, keeping his hand where it is, his eyes glossy as he looks up at you, “Is the baby okay? The Upside-down..”

“Yes,” you say, interrupting, not wanting him to worry for a second, “The baby’s fine. Developing normally. I had the ultrasound early, to be sure.” You cover his hand with yours, and he sighs in clear relief, his other hand grabbing your hip.

“You're my reason. Both of you,” he says, pulling you closer, “I’ve never been more sure.”

“You’re mine too,” you say, dropping to the floor to join him, your hand moving to his stubbled cheek, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter anymore,” his hand cradles the back of your head, “I love you, and I’m going to take care of you if you’ll let me?”

“How about we take care of each other?”

His lips stretch into a smile before he leans forward, and they close over yours. "Deal," he agrees, going back for another kiss. 

Your arms wind around his neck as he pulls you tightly against him. The plush of his lips working lazily around yours. Steve was right. He had held you like this while the world burned around you, expecting your last act to be loving each other. A love that is rare and true and written in the stars. A love that will survive the test of time. Time that neither one of you will take for granted. Living fully in each minute, watching your love grow into a family. You can feel all this in the press of his lips. The stories of your future are printed there. 

"I love you," he says again because he wants you to know loving you was never a choice. His fingers move under the edge of your sweatshirt lighting trails of fire along your skin as his kiss changes from slow to hungry. 

"Can I touch you?" He asks. Even though his hands are already on you, he wants your permission to go further. 

"Please," you pant, already on the edge of being consumed with want, "I need you, Steve."

"I need you too, honey. Need to know you're mine." His hands lift the edge of your sweatshirt, and you raise your arms, helping him rid you of it. He barely glimpses what he's uncovered before you pull at his Polo, stretching the fabric in your greed to feel his skin against yours. He takes you back in his arms, and it feels like home. Your soft skin a contrast to the thatch of hair on his chest as you feel the rapid beat of his heart against your own. The wet slide of his kiss only makes you want more. Want all of him. 

Your whimpers drive his urgency as he lets you go to retrieve a pillow from the couch and carefully lays you back on it. His fingers grip the waistband of shorts and panties, sliding them down your legs. 

"You look so pretty all laid out for me," he says, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before sitting back on his heels, his big hand landing where your knees are pushed together, "but I want to see all of you."

Your fingers trace your kiss-bitten lips, feeling the ghost of his as your thighs fall open, revealing the glossy evidence of exactly what he does to you. His fingers run absently up and down your inner thigh as he looks his fill wearing the expression of a man about to take what's his. 

"Steve," you whine, feeling impatient while your hands move to your breasts adding a graceful slow roll of your hips to remind him he can do more than just look. 

"Fuck, honey. How did I ever stay away from you?" he asks, crawling over to place a kiss just above your belly button, the first in a slow trail ending at the top of your pussy. His hands wrap around your thighs, holding you open for his first slow lick up your center that sends your back arching off the floor.

“You taste so good. I’m already addicted,” he says, eyes catching yours before his mouth closes over you in a wet assault, tongue swirling through your folds, drawing circles around your clit.

“No one,” you gasp, clawing at the carpet while your hips fight against the press of his hands, “No one has ever made me feel this way.”

You can feel him smile against you as he slides two fingers inside your velvety heat moving in and out of you steadily, curling upward to brush against the spot that adds a new layer of euphoria radiating through you.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life making you feel like this,” he pauses to kiss the plush of your thigh. Your fingers tangle in his hair as he returns his attention back to your pleasure. He groans with your gentle tugs, the vibrations rippling against your core. 

“Need to get you ready for me, honey,” he says, adding a third finger. Biting down on your lip, you hiss through your teeth at the slight sting of the stretch. He gives you time to adjust, waiting until your slick soaks his fingers.

His pace quickens, changing those quick jolts of lighting into a blur of rapture. Your walls tighten as your body tenses. Your chorus of desperate moans his new favorite tune. 

"That's it, give it all to me. Cum for me, beautiful." His lips close over your clit, sucking in short bursts. Your blood sings with the new sensations rushing through you, turning molten as you rise like a fiery star.

Calling his name, you fall over the edge into bliss, the world ceasing to exist beyond your connection. He helps you float down with gentle touches and light kisses placed on your belly. He can’t fight back his smile as he looks down at you. A face that he memorized every detail of, now glowing with his love and his child. He didn’t have to die to become the man he wanted to be. He just had to open his heart.

When your eyes flutter open, he’s there, deep moss swirling with amber and gold filled with love. From the first moment you met, you placed your faith in him, and fate has led you to a love you never thought you’d find. After the uncertainty, the struggles, and the fears have fallen away, love is all that is left between you.

He’s chosen you, and you, him. Once in another world and again in this one. A life together that was fought for and hard-won. As the page turns, you’re no longer fearful of what's next, knowing you’ll be together. Whatever lies ahead, you’ll take his hand and welcome the adventure.

Epilogue 

"And that's why you don’t take life for granite."

A chorus of groans erupts as the students gather their books and papers when the shrill bell sounds over the loudspeaker.

"Hey, I better start getting some more laughs out of you all, or I'll be forced to assign more homework," you call out over your shoulder as you erase the formulas you had written on the blackboard.

"Will we see you later, Mrs. Harrington?" says the ringleader of a group of four boys lingering around your desk. 

"Sorry, guys. No AV club tonight," you tell them as you settle into the creaking chair behind your wooden desk, "I've got plans. Next week, alright?"

"I bet you're going to be busy getting set up to watch the Perseid meteor shower?" questions Travis, the overly enthusiastic one. With a mouth full of braces and a head full of curls, he reminds you of someone else you know. 

"Something like that," you smile, thinking about your plans as you tidy the papers on your desk, adjusting the large geode next to your nameplate. 

"Alright, see you tomorrow," they concede, shuffling out, their disappointment already forgotten by the time they make it to the door. 

"See you tomorrow," you call after them as Tina, an 8th grader with hearts in her eyes, squeezes past them into the doorway.

"A policeman in the office is asking to see you, Mrs. Harrington."

"Thank you, Tina. Can you please tell him I'll meet him outside?" you can barely hide your smile, knowing exactly why he’s here.

"Sure," she says, leaning her head against the edge of the door frame, "He's really dreamy."

“Alright, Tina,” your eyes roll, “Get to where you're supposed to be.”

She’s quick to follow instruction as you finish preparing for your next class. Leaving your room, you walk through the quiet halls and across the empty gym, the sound of your heels clicking against polished floors. Pushing open the set of double doors at the far end, a warm hand wraps around your bicep, pulling you outside into the shade of the building and maneuvers you up against the hard brick wall.

“Mmm,” you whine as Steve pulls away the collar of your blouse and attaches his lips to the spot where your pulse is speeding up, “You're going to get me in trouble,” your voice already breathless, as your hands move to his head holding him there.

“I can’t help it,” he says, running his hands along your sides, “I’ve been thinking about you all day. You’ve got me so distracted.”

“Is that so?” you ask as his lips brush over yours.

“That’s so.” His thumb tugs at your chin, coaxing you to open so he can take the kiss deeper. “I can’t even concentrate..” His words trail off as his mouth takes yours, kissing you like he did that very first time. Like you’re the only woman in the world. Like he adores you.

“Steve,” you mumble against his lip as your hands smooth up the front of the crisp tight-fitting blue button-up. Seeing him in uniform never fails to make you ache with need. The top two buttons are always undone, revealing the white shirt he wears underneath with just a glimpse of the hair on his chest showing and a shiny silver badge pinned just left of his heart. Your fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck that he still wears too long to be regulation.

“What did the doctor say this morning?” He asks as one of his hands slides lower on your hip, down the side of your skirt, dipping just under the hem.

“He gave me the all clear,” you breathe out, pulling his mouth back to yours as his hand continues to climb until it finds the lacy edge of your stocking and the garter it’s attached to. 

"Are you wearing lingerie?" His fingers get bolder seeking out more of the lace. 

"It's new," you answer, grinding yourself against his hardening length, “I thought you deserved it. You’ve been taking such good care of everything since the baby.”

“Jesus, honey,” he groans, tipping his head back and slapping his hand against the rough wall of the building, “How am I going to wait until the kids are in bed?”

“You won’t have to. Hopper is picking up the boys after hockey, and Joyce already has the baby,”  two of your fingers start walking down the front of his shirt, brushing against the leather of his belt, heading lower to the flat front of his tight black pants. “We’ll have the house to ourselves until tomorrow.” 

“What about Fate?” He asks, his eyebrows pulling together, always the protector of his other favorite girl.

“She’s having a girl's night with El and Max.” you smile, knowing he would ask about your oldest. You set up this plan weeks ago. Waiting to be together after the birth of your babies is just as hard on you as it is on him.

“You’re sneaky.” His hand reaches around you to give your ass a little squeeze.

“You love it,” you admit pressing a small kiss to his lips.

“I love you,” he says as the bell rings again, projected through the speaker over your heads. 

“I’ve got to go,” you swat his hand away so you can straighten your skirt.

“Not yet,” he pouts, using a finger to trace your neckline, pulling it away from your body, “Just let me have a little peek,” he tries looking down the front of your blouse.

“Get out of here,” you laugh, giving him a gentle push.

“Fine,” he grumbles with a smile, turning to walk back to where his cruiser is parked. 

“Tonight,” you call, making him turn and look back at you.

“Tonight,” he says, raising the fingers of his left hand to his lips, the sun glinting off the gold band on his fourth finger, “and forever.”

The End

AN: Thank you so much for sticking with this little series. It challenged me in ways that I never expected, but I learned a lot writing it.

[awarmbowlofhomemadesoup]

How to Build Resilience in Long Fanfic Writing

Sometimes, when a fanfic goes past 20 chapters, people who had been commenting, began to lose interest. Maybe you'll start doubting your skill or whether you "have what it takes" to be a writer, even if you're doing it for fun.

But maybe you see all those beautifully written but unfinished long fics and mourn that they'll never be finished (for the writer's valid reason or another). And you don't want that to happen to yours.

There is also an advantage to completing long fics: you develop the discipline to write original novels which can take far longer.

So if you're in for the long haul and you want to stay steady and true despite whatever popularity your fic may have, here's how to have the resilience to finish it to the end.

(Disclaimer: this is not a reason to stop commenting on fics)

#1 Whatever You Think You're Owed, Let It Go.

Accidentally quoting Elsa aside, I'm talking about comments. Comments validate and can make you learn new things about your fics through other people's eyes.

But when you see a high-to-low ratio between kudos and comments, you may feel like you are owed.

When you push yourself to complete three long chapters and publish them all in the same day and only get one response, it can feel like people are being mean.

The truth is, we'll never know why the people who loved our fics will not talk to you about them.

Maybe they forget there's a person behind the fic.

Maybe they're having a bad day and just want to shut down after reading something enjoyable.

But whatever the case is, it's beyond your control.

This post said it best (shoutout to @radioactive-earthshine) :

"Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don’t comment - even if they say they do, they don’t... Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don’t comment. You just have to accept it.

I'm not saying you force yourself to let it go now. But someday, you will need to let it go, and control what you can which is you.

#2 Put Your Life First Before Your Readers

I have to say this because sometimes writers would have thoughts like "I haven't written for a long time; people must be wondering about it." Nope. Stop. Not worth it.

Creating is fun, but it is also exhausting. Add into the fact that most of us have 8-hour jobs or classes.

The reason you haven't written for a long time is that other aspects of your life deserve your time and energy, too. And after all that, you would be understandably tired.

So put your life first before your readers.

#3 Make Preparations to Replenish Your Soul

Long fanfic writing is energy and time-consuming. But you cannot depend on external validation to make up for it.

External validation in the form of comments can be good because we don't want to imagine it's all in our heads. But seeking it too much leads to what I've read in the book, "Ego is the Enemy":

"If outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you will hunger for the rest of your life."

So before posting a chapter, list down what you can do to replenish your soul after. Treating myself to a cafe one time helped. So is taking walks when the air is cool.

To stop anticipating responses too much, what works for me is to post on Wednesday. Wednesday is when people are less busy. At the same time, when the weekend comes, I don't obsess over it so much and can focus on other aspects of my life or replenish my energy for the next week.

In the commitment to complete a long fic, it's important to be honest with yourself. This is to be transparent with your needs and watch out for any signs of burnout, like feeling sad and tired. If you need to walk away from your fic for a while, then do it.

#3 This is Between You and Your Creation

Yes, fandom should be two-way street. Yes, fandom shouldn't treat fanfics and fan arts like commodity. And yes, there should be interaction and engagement. But before all that, there is this thing between you and your creation first and foremost.

Just as a story has to have a "why", remember why you thought you should write your long fic. Your reason may change over time, but when you remember your "why", you remember your true goal to keep going.

#4 Write like No One is Reading

This is a perk I adapted when I only get two responses if I'm lucky after updating a fic that has more than a hundred subscribers. If people barely react, then you're free to write whatever you please in your story as if you're dancing like no one is watching. Just have fun improving your skills.

This is similar to an inspiring section of the same post that I've found:

"10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists."

#5 Cherish the Rare Friends You Find Along the Way

Sometimes, we get lucky and get something better than a hundred people interacting with our fic -we find a friend we would make in the way of writing the long fic that we dared to write. And they're the ones who would cheer you on and cry and laugh with you about the shared stories. Cherish them.

(dedicated to @lightreader1)

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Still With You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Six

Summary: Jungkook comes to pick you up for your "date". Pairing : Luna (reader) x Jungkook and Jimin, f2l love triangle Word Count: 3.7k~ a/n: I have part one to eleven written already so I figured I would just post this to fill up some space until the next update :) Start from the beginning

After stargazing for a little while longer we make our way back to Seoul and I feel myself getting a little tired. While dozing off I hear Jungkook ask if I want to stay the night at his place and I softly nod yes before falling asleep. 

Once we pull into his driveway he calls out to me and brushes the hair out of my face. "Luna, we're here" he says softly, I groan in response and he in turn smiles. After he gets out of the car he comes around to the passenger side and opens my door and sees my eyes start to flutter open. "There she is" he says with a smile on his face, helping my drowsy form out of the car and to his front door. 

Once we get inside he locks the door and comes over to me to usher me into his room, but before he gets the chance to I pull him into a soft embrace. "What's this for?" he says with an amused tone in his voice. "Nothing, I'm just really thankful I have you in my life" I say slowly strengthening my hold on him to pull him closer. 

"Me too Luna" he says resting his head on mine and returning my embrace. "Now come on, time for bed" he says loosening my grip on him. I let go and nod my head while yawning and rubbing my eyes at the same time. He laughs at my sleepiness while I hold my hand out, waiting for him to lead the way.

He pulls down the covers and helps me into my side of the bed. We tend to take turns sleeping at each other's houses once in a while so we've pretty much claimed many things, such as sleeping on a specific side of the bed every time we're there. 

I flop down and roll around a bit to get comfortable. Once I've settled down into a comfortable position he grabs some clothes to change himself into before following soon after. 

When he gets in bed he scoots over and pulls me close. I'm so exhausted from everything that happened today that I don't even give it a second thought. After resting my head on his chest he gives me a soft kiss on top of it and starts talking to himself for a while not knowing that I can still hear him since I'm still somewhat conscious. 

"I wish you wouldn't hold back as much as you have been recently. I know there's something going on and I know it's something besides me. I just... I wish life was simple again like when we were younger..." he finishes running his hands through my hair before eventually drifting off to sleep right along with me.

I wake up to the smell of breakfast and I feel my stomach growling, now realizing how hungry I am. I go to the bathroom and straighten out my appearance a bit before going to the kitchen. 

"Good morning" I say still feeling a bit groggy. "Good morning baby. Did you sleep alright?" he asks, turning around to face me. He's shirtless and dressed in only grey sweats that mind you are hanging dangerously low on his waist. I gulp at the sight and quickly shift my focus to what he's cooking. 

"Like the dead" I say in an effort to laugh off my flustered feelings but he ends up catching me checking him out anyways. "Let me go put a shirt on and then we can eat" he says as he passes by me ghosting his hand on my waist and placing a kiss on top of my head. He tries not to acknowledge what I had done not wanting to tease me because of last night but also wanting to act like we normally do. 

I know that he asked me to come over because he was worried about me and I'm thankful but now that I know he has feelings for me I feel I'm almost giving him false hope with everything we've been doing. We've been this close since we were kids so suddenly stopping would be too hard on both of us.

He makes his way back to the kitchen now adorned with a black tee shirt and places the rest of the food on the table and looks up at me expectantly. "So are you gonna come eat or what?". I widen my eyes realizing how I haven't made any moves to get closer ever since I came out.

"Oh, yeah, sorry I'm still trying to wake up" I say making excuses for my continued awkwardness. We both start eating and sit in silence for a while, not really knowing where to start and although it's a little awkward it's not uncomfortable which is reassuring. 

"Thanks for having me over" I say glancing up at him briefly. "Of course, I knew my girl needed me" he says softly, smiling at me and clearly amused that I won't make eye contact with him. 

I take a big bite of food at that exact moment and I start to feel embarrassed after what he's said but also the fact that I can't even respond properly. I look up at him with widened eyes as a way to show him that I'm still chewing and he laughs at my effort. 

"It's okay, go slow, take your time. I wouldn't want you to choke" he says and I blush at the possible double meaning and end up choking anyways. I grab my water and take a big drink of it before coming up for air. I can only manage to let out an awkward laugh before going back in to have another mouthful of food.

I can tell that he's seen the fact that I'm blushing but thankfully doesn't acknowledge it. "So" he starts. "Do you have any plans for the day?" he asks taking a sip from his water. 

"Mmm" I say before swallowing the food I had in my mouth. "Not really. I have the day off thankfully but I didn't really plan anything besides us hanging out last night" I say before taking another sip of water. "Why? Do you?" I ask curious as to what he might have planned for the day. 

"I'm supposed to hang out with the guys later but I'm not exactly sure what we're gonna do" he pauses for a second before continuing with an excited smile on his face. "You should come with us!" he says brightening up at the idea. "I don't know Kook, you know how I am with new people" I say getting ready to turn him down. 

"Come on! You said no last time so you can't turn me down again! It'll be fun! We'll only go for an hour and then we can come back here and spend the day together. Deal?" he says with doe eyes that he knows I can't resist. I was able to avoid his gaze last time but this time I'm struck with their full power. He adds a pout as well making it almost impossible to say no to him.

"One hour?" I question making sure that we're in agreement. "One hour and if you really can't handle it then we'll come home okay?"  he says and my heart does a little flip when he uses the word home instead of 'my place' or 'my house'. 

"Okay" I agree reluctantly. "Yes! This is gonna be great!" he says getting a sudden boost of energy. "Can we pass by my place first? I should probably put in effort to be bit more presentable since it's my first time meeting them" I say after finishing up my food. "Of course! But you know you have clothes here too" he says reminding me of that fact. "Yeah but those are all sweats and tee shirts. I just told you that I wanted to look a bit more presentable silly" I say laughing and helping him clear the table. 

"Whatever, just don't dress too cute! I don't want them to start flirting with you" he says and I can hear a slight streak of possessiveness in his voice. I get butterflies in my stomach again but start laughing at the fact that he's now doubting himself. 

"And what makes you think that you can tell me what to do? Maybe I want them to flirt with me" I say patting him on his chest as I walk past him back to his bedroom with a smug smile on my face. He gets a hold of my forearm before I can get too far "Luna" he growls with a warning tone. "What? What's the harm in having a little fun?" I say continuing to tease him, satisfied with his reactions.

"That's it, we're not going" he says letting go of my arm and walking past me into his room before I can. "Oh come on I'm just kidding! It'll be fun meeting them!" I say starting to warm up to the idea. He turns around and makes direct eye contact with me. "On one condition" he says. Rolling my eyes I respond "What is it?" feigning irritation. 

"No flirting. I can't control it if they're flirting with you so just don't flirt back alright?" he says and I can't help but smirk at his blatant jealousy. "Okay I promise, no flirting" I say winking to tease him further. 

"Now are you gonna call them and figure out what we're doing today?" I ask, trailing off but expecting an answer. "I'll take you home and then while you're getting ready I'll text the group chat and see what they have in mind" he relays while gathering his clothes and a towel and taking them to his bathroom. 

"Mind waiting for me while I shower?" he asks, tuning on the water and coming back out to check with me. "No I don't mind, I'll just talk to Grey until you're finished" I say looking down at my phone ready to send her a message. He nods and goes back into the bathroom taking a quick shower as he had said and finishes in record time.

"That was fast" I say looking up at him now dressed in jeans and a plain black tee while still drying his hair with a towel. "Yeah I wanted to get going since we still need to go to your place". 

Since he usually doesn't take long it's not that surprising that he finished so quickly but I make sure to help him blow dry his hair before we go anyways. I grab my bag while his gets phone, keys and wallet and we head out. 

Once we reach my place he grabs my hand and leads me up to the door which is something I guess we normally do but it's not something I had ever given any thought to until now. 

Taking notice of all of these little things we always do together after what happened last night is making me feel really stupid. Like why didn't I notice all of this until now? How has he put up with me being this clueless for so long? 

If the roles were reversed then I would hope that I would've confessed to him a long time ago but knowing how guarded and sensitive he can be I guess it kind of makes sense. 

He opens the door with his spare key and lets me in first like he owns the place. "You know this is my apartment right" I say laughing at him. "Yes I do but what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" he says amused with himself.

"How is that fair?" I complain, turning back around to face him while he closes the door and looks back at me with the most adorable bunny smile. "Aw come on Noona you know I'm kidding. You can have whatever I don't want" he says giving me a kiss on the cheek and then running away. 

"Jeon Jungkook you're asking for it!" I say running after him. After a minute or two I decide to take matters into my own hands and pretend to trip and hurt myself. "Oh shit! Luna are you okay?" he says rushing over to me on the floor seeing my face scrunched up in pain. I guess I'm a better actress than I thought I was. 

Once he gets close enough to check on me I tump him hard on the forehead. "Ow! What was that for?" he says rubbing the area where I hit him. "You know exactly what that was for Jeon. Now just sit still and look pretty for me while I go take a shower alright?" I say starting to get up and seeing the slight surprise on his face at my directions. 

He gets up and clears his throat and mutters a "Yes Noona" before sitting on the couch, doing exactly as I told him. 

I had no clue I could get him to behave like this with such a simple command but I decide to play into it and say a quick "Good boy" before turning around and heading off to my room to get ready.

While I'm in the shower I take time to think about everything that happened yesterday and process it all. The meeting with Jimin was sweet and innocent which I liked but for now I think staying friends is the best option. 

I don't really know him other than he's a nice guy who is really into to me. But it seems like he wants to go too fast and I'm not really comfortable with all of that. He said that he is okay with taking things slow but I don't even know if I want to be with him like that. How long is he willing to wait in terms of taking things slow? Is he going to stop coming to the store like I asked him to? 

I guess for now Jimin is still a question mark but I don't want to string him along if I don't feel the same way. 

Things start to get a bit more difficult when I think about everything with Jungkook. He has been such a constant in my life for so long that the thought of switching things up in our relationship just feels terrifying. Based off of everything that happened it seems like he's willing to hold off on the subject so I guess I've got some time to think things though.

After I'm done with my shower and getting dressed I hear Jungkook whine from out in the living room. "Luna are done yet?" he asks while knocking on my door and I open it to see him looking down at me with an impatient expression. 

"Luna they're waiting we have to get going soon" he says watching me head back into my bathroom where he follows soon after. 

"I swear I'm almost finished give me like 10 more minutes" I respond leaning over the sink to get a closer look in the mirror to put my mascara on while unbeknownst to me Jungkook starts to check me out. I catch a glimpse of him doing so in the mirror and I feel my cheeks start to warm up. 

"You're not wearing that" he says coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Kook you can't tell me what to do all the time" I say turning around to face him. Big mistake. 

He pulls me in closer and brings one of his hands up to brush a stray hair out of my face. "Fine but if you don't change I'm just gonna stay glued to you like this the entire time. Unless, that's something you want?" he says looking down at my lips and back into my eyes. "F-fine, I'll change" I stutter while untangle myself from his embrace. 

I go back to my closet and change into an oversized sweater that falls off one of my shoulders and some jeans to replace my leggings and cropped sweater. "Better?" I ask, rolling my eyes at him. He comes up to me and brings his hand up and touches my bare shoulder making me shudder at the feeling and fixes my neckline so its sitting on me 'Properly' and takes that same hand and runs it down my arm lightly to place his hand in mine. 

"Perfect" he says tilting my face up after my eyes had been watching the path his hand had been trailing. I nervously gulp and release myself from his hold yet again. "You said they were waiting for us right?" I ask, clearing my throat before I continue. "Come on let's go" I say heading towards the door. He laughs at my nervousness and catches up to me and opens the door before I get a chance to do so. 

Once we get into the car and buckle up I start to ask him where we're going. 

"You never told me what we're gonna do today" I say curiosity peaked. "You never asked" he says driving with one hand on the wheel and keeping his eyes on the road. "Well I'm asking now" I say sitting back in my seat. 

"It's a surprise" he responds simply, looking over at me for a second with a cheeky grin. "What? But it wasn't a surprise earlier!" I groan, irritated at the fact that he's leaving me in the dark. 

"You kept our stargazing a secret so it's only fair that now I get to keep this a secret. But don't worry we're almost there. I'm sure you'll be able to guess when we get closer" he says ending the discussion. 

"Fine" I say and bring my knees over to rest on the door instead of leaning against the middle, turning away from him continuing to pout. He spares me another glance and giggles at my posture but continues from then on in silence with only the sound of the radio playing softly in the background.

Pulling into what looks like an almost abandoned parking lot a few cars come into view. 

"What are we doing here?" I ask nervously. "Shhh it's a surprise remember" he says while unbuckling his seatbelt. I reluctantly follow in suit as he comes around to my side and opens the door for me. 

"Are you sure we're allowed to be here?" I ask taking his hand and getting down from the car. "Don't worry Luna I got you, just relax and stay by me" he says taking my hand and walking toward the other cars up ahead. As we get closer I see a group of 5 guys finally getting out of their cars. 

"Jungkook you made it!" one of them says who seems incredibly enthusiastic at our arrival. "Oh and is this your Noona you've told us so much about?" he asks motioning to me. "You've told them about me?" I whisper to him and see his jaw slightly tighten at the playful manner that is already starting to build. 

"Yeah" he says before clearing his throat "This is my Noona, Luna. Noona these are the guys I've told you about" he says motioning towards them. 

"Well let me start off by introducing myself. My name is Hoseok but you can call me Hobi if you'd like, everyone does" I bow slightly in greeting while the next one introduces himself. 

"I guess I'm next. Hi Luna I'm  Namjoon but don't worry about being too formal with me as well,  feel free to call me whatever you'd like" he says with a soft smile. "Yeah like Joonie" the next says in a teasing manner. 

"Hey Luna my name is Taehyung but you can call me Tae if you'd like" he says taking my hand and giving a soft kiss on the back of it. I widen my eyes in response and feel myself getting a bit flustered by it. Jungkook swiftly takes my hand out of Tae's before he can get in another word.

"Hands off my Noona! Got it?" he says protectively placing himself between Tae and I. "Aw look at Kookie getting jealous" another says walking over and peeking his head around Jungkook's form to catch my eye. 

"Don't pay any attention to Tae, he's harmless. I'm Jin by the way" he says with a soft smile. I smile back in response feeling the tension that had been built fade away. 

"Okay children give her a breather and Jungkook stop being so touchy, you know we won't steal her from you" Hobi says while walking towards us,  gently moving Jungkook to the side so they can all see me.

 "I might!" Tae calls in the background. I instinctively take a hold of Jungkook's now balled up fist that loosens a bit by my nonverbal reassurance. "Ya! Do you want to scare her away?" Namjoon scolds. I laugh at the interaction and glance over the group to see the last one still standing in place. "I'm Yoongi" he says slightly uninterested. Well okay then...

"Hobi, Namjoon, Tae, Jin and Yoongi. Did I get that right?" I ask listing off the names that had just been thrown at me. "You have a really good memory Luna, but Jungkook never did tell us how old you are. Do you mind if we ask?" Hobi asks with a smile on his face. 

"Oh yeah I'm the same age as Jungkook just a few months older" I say shyly. "Aww so you're still younger than then rest of us. That's so cute!" Tae says jumping into the conversation. "Oh! Really? Then would you like me to call you guys Oppa?" I question really hoping the answer is no. 

"Only if you want to. Don't feel pressured to keep up appearances, we don't really worry about that stuff when it's just us anyways". I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding and relax a bit more. 

"But I wanted her to call me Taehyung Oppa" Tae says with a pout. "Tae don't pressure her or you'll scare her away" Jin warns with an authoritative tone. Guessing from his scolding I would say that he's the oldest in the group. Although from his looks he couldn't be much older than Jungkook. Tae's playfulness visibly tones down, doing as Jin had ordered and a sudden silence falls over the seven of us.

"So are we gonna do this or what?" Yoongi asks finally speaking up. "Do what?" I ask looking up at Jungkook expectantly. "You'll see" he says grabbing my hand and walking us over towards the group.

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[darlingkirstein]

eremika — smut headcannon #1

this is what my brain cooks up at 4:30 am!

cw: cockwarming, somnophilia. 1.1k words.

Mikasa cuddles up beside him in bed, dressed only in one of his big t-shirts and a skimpy pair of panties — just asking for it, and she knows it.

She nestles her ass against his cock and does the tiniest wiggle, enough to get him hard. Eren groans underneath his breath. What a tease.

“Baby.” He whines, slipping a hand underneath her shirt to grope her tits. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” In such an innocent voice, she’s almost convincing in her ignorance— almost.

But her hips don’t cease to push against his boxers, generating an unbearable degree of heat. She’s killing him — Eren’s fingers dig deeper into her sensitive flesh, his nails leaving marks.

“You know damn well what I mean.” He sucks in a quick burst of air and bites down on his lip to keep from becoming a moaning mess. Eren knows that’s exactly what she wants from this.

Mikasa looks back over her shoulder — a big, pretty smile on her face. She can she the frustration in Eren’s eyes, so desperate and big, like a scorned, sad little puppy.

“I’m just getting comfy, Eren. Don’t get fussy.”

That look from her only makes matters worse — she’s so fucking gorgeous when she’s being coy. Her pretty pouting is sending dirty, dirty images to his head — thoughts of those pouty lips wrapped around his aching cock.

His mouth finds her nape. Out of his control, Eren’s hips push forward to meet her ass. He needs something, even if Mikasa won’t give it.

“C’mon — I wanna fuck you, baby. Wanna fuck you so bad. So hard— it fuckin’ hurts.”

Mikasa refuses to relent. Instead, she yawns. Reaching back, her fingers find his hair and play with it while she giggles drowsily.

“Too sleepy, handsome boy. So tired.”

Eren works hard to stop himself from audibly groaning at a wholly-inappropriate volume. He doesn’t know how many more nights of jerking off with Mikasa fast asleep beside him he has left.

His hands wander to touch her ass, rubbing as he fixated on her panties — an annoying cockblock.

Now he’s the one pouting.

“You can go to sleep, babe. I’ll, uh— take care of myself. I’ll be quiet about it. I’m good at that.”

Mikasa yawns again — he’s so desperate it’s making her grin, even while exhausted. She adjusts her upper half back against the mattress, head sinking deep into her comfy pillow.

And even though he’s behaving like a brat, she wants to make him just a little bit happy. Mikasa gets a fanciful idea, and it leaves her amused.

“Nah, don’t bother. Wanna try something?”

Immediately, Eren perks up. Men are so easy.

“Yes, please. Anything. Anything with you.”

She hooks a finger around her panties and tugs them done, just enough for her pretty cunt to be exposed. Still grinning, Mikasa reaches for Eren — her fingertips brush against his cock through the fabric, and he has to stop himself from jerking.

“Go ahead and put it in, Eren. I’ll keep you warm, yeah? Make you feel good while you sleep.”

The words go straight to his dick. “Really?”

“Really. C’mon — so sleepy, baby. Put it in.”

Embarrassingly fast, Eren gets his cock out and pushes in so easily — and he just about cries from relief when her pussy envelopes him. His mood changes in an instant; no longer solely focused on the aching sensation in his hips, the pain controlling his frustratingly-male thought process, Eren’s affectionate side comes out.

He hugs her waist and tugs her closer.

“Thank you, Mika. Feels so good. Go— Go to sleep, okay? Goodnight. I love you so much.”

She laughs. The change is so entertaining.

“Goodnight, baby boy. I love you. Dream about me, will you? A nice, dirty dream.”

It’s a perfect plan. Mikasa falls asleep almost immediately, so tired from a long day of work. Eren shuts his eyes, keeping his hips incredibly, impossibly still. The comfort Mikasa’s cunt gives him is indescribable — the sheer warmth is enough to leave him rambling.

Or, it would be a perfect plan.

Except — Eren can’t fall asleep. She feels too good, too good to even consider sleeping.

He lays there, staring ahead at the wall — after Mikasa turned out the light, the room was plunged into darkness. Eren can’t see a thing, not even all the things he wishes he can see. He can’t see his cock sitting pretty inside her cunt — can’t see the way it disappears, her ass hiding it.

That pisses him off.

It’s not the perfect solution Mikasa imagined.

He feels like squirming. It’s too much.

Eren lasts about twenty dreadfully-long, insomnia-filled minutes before he can’t take it.

Kissing her shoulder, his hips shift. He fucks her slow, trying to keep from waking her, but just enough to grant some relief. That tender pace doesn’t last long — it’s not enough. Selfishly, Eren takes her with a greater urgency, listening to the mattress creaking underneath him.

Whether it’s the pace or his whiny moans, Mikasa doesn’t stay asleep long. Just before she stirs, she hums quietly into her pillow, and her body moves into his desperate thrusts.

She awakens smiling. “Fuck, baby.“

Eren flushes a deep, deep shade of red. Humiliated at his own perversion, he ceases his thrusts and stumbles through an apology.

“Mika! Shit, I— I’m sorry, I— I couldn’t—”

Mikasa shakes her head, giggling.

“Shhh. Why’d you stop?”

“Well, you— you were asleep.”

She looks back at him, and even in the darkness, Eren can make out the outline of her face, her eyes practically gleaming with mischief.

“Oh, please. I knew you couldn’t make it the whole night. Just needed a little nap first.”

He isn’t sure how to respond. The blush only grows, and, shamefully, his cock twitches inside her. Those giggles drive him absolutely mad.

“You— you knew?”

Mikasa hugs both arms around his neck, arching her spine to ensure she can reach back that far. She touches his hair, already getting a little sweaty from his urgency— his untamed lust.

“Of course. Now, are you gonna fuck me or not? Felt so fucking good just now. Fuck me like that again, okay? Harder, actually. Give me more.”

Her voice, still half-clinging to sleep, has a soft edge to it — Eren savors the sound, and relishes in the thought of how good her drowsy moans will sound, right in his ears, nowhere else to go.

Mikasa’s little trick has his ears tinted pink.

Renewed with confidence, Eren grips her leg and pushes it forward, opening her up. His fingers dig into her supple thigh, squeezing hard enough to leave little baby bruises in the morning.

He doesn’t cover his moans as he fucks her warm cunt — fucks it rough, just like he wants.

Just like Mikasa planned.