#it is photoshop actually but not the proximity

[jrueships]

this is so gay

[ididntwanttohavetohauntyou]

On the double standards of Taylor’s love life and Swifties’ role in Taylor’s reputation

{Fair warning: this is kind of long and I actually originally wrote it during the Ratty stuff but it’s relevant now and this post from @9w1ft (specifically the tweet) made me think that maybe this needed to be really laid out there. }

Disclaimer: I am in no way claiming to know what Taylor’s sexuality is definitively, nor am I suggesting that every relationship she’s had with a man was fake, or that she is a lesbian. I myself have experienced enough bi erasure and biphobia to know better, but I had to put this out there explicitly so hetlors don’t have that as a “gotcha”.

Swifties have the lowest possible standards for whom they consider to be a boyfriend of Taylor’s.

Their standards are a) the media has to stir something up b) they have to interact distantly in some public capacity before they c) walk around together (holding hands or not).

I can give you the names so many women with whom Taylor acted like that, often for longer periods of time and with more interaction than a couple dinners and pap walks or whatever she’s done with those men. And that’s without time to go do research which would doubtlessly turn up more names.

To name some examples:

Karlie Kloss, Diana Agron, Selena Gomez, Gigi Hadid, Blake Lively, Cara Delevingne, Martha Hunt, Sophie Turner, Lorde, all three Haim sisters, Zoe Kravitz, Emma Stone, Camila Cabello, Lily Aldridge, Lily Donaldson.

(To be clear, I’m not suggesting that Taylor dated all or most of those women.)

Now, I have no doubt that if most swifties looked up photos of Taylor with a lot of those women they’d go “they aren’t even doing anything in that picture” or “they’re just walking side by side” or whatever else.

THAT’S THE POINT

I’m 1000% sure that if you photoshopped a man into basically any of those pics people would assume they’re dating because they’re walking together.

Almost all of Taylor’s supposed boyfriends have had significantly less interaction with her than those women, but people don’t hesitate to say she’s dating the men. Her team can and will deny it, but swifties will add a name to their list anyway, and that creates a whole other problem.

The sl*t shaming:

In my opinion, the sl*t shaming that Taylor has experienced for about the last 15 years has been, at least in part, because of swifties who jump to conclusions about men she’s seen with. When her own fans believe she’s dated however many guys, it’s that much easier for the media to repeat that and twist it to be negative.

If you wouldn’t look at a random guy and girl standing within a few feet of each other or walking together and come to the conclusion that they must be dating, why do you assume that about Taylor? Or, for that matter, does every person of the opposite gender that you associate with have to be your SO?

[And yes that can easily be turned around on Gaylors, but the whole point is that we aren’t solely using proximity to link potential exes or lovers to Taylor. We actually do the analysis of the lyrics, we break down the connections, we do the research.]

My point is that swifties have contributed on a large scale to Taylor’s sl*t shaming in a way that should make them think twice about who they claim she’s dating. Unfortunately as we’ve seen with this M*tty situation {and now the football guy}, they don’t seem to have the self awareness to realize how they’ve aided such a disgusting campaign of hate.

One more thing: you can say that no one will say those things now anyway because Taylor is on top of the world and they wouldn’t dare sl*t shame the Queen of Pop or “The Music Industry”. You might even be right. But if you do this and feel no guilt or shame over how your actions may have played a part in the several intense periods of sl*t shaming that Taylor has gone through previously, you need to think about why that is.

Taylor said it best in her speech at the Grammy museum in September 2015. She was introducing Blank Space and talking about the situation that made her write the song.

“In the last couple of years the media have had a really wonderful fixation on kind of painting me as like the psycho serial dater girl… It got pretty out of control there for a couple of years because… every article would be like, Taylor Swift Standing Near Some Guy. Watch Out Guy!”

That sounds insane, and it was definitely worse then than it is now, but the fact that it’s happening right now at all is ridiculous. Swifties need to stop helping the media tie Taylor’s name to men as if that makes her relevant. She’s a highly awarded singer, songwriter, and performer who has set and broken records (and then broken the ones she’s set) countless times. Swifties need to stop pretending that dating someone is what makes her interesting or we’re no better than the people who think she only writes breakup songs.

[shadycomputerpolice]

Personal Hygiene Matters

I don't know who needs to hear this but a person's personal hygiene is indeed an indicator of their character. Good personal hygiene shows that they care about their wellbeing and the wellbeing of others in close proximity to them. It shows that they are considerate.

Full offence but I am always perplexed by people who are surprised that people with bad personal hygiene are terrible in interpersonal relationships. Duh, they don't care about themselves, what makes you think that they will care about you?

Please note, I am speaking about desire not ability. That is people who have access to hygiene resources but refuse to use them. I also wanted to clarify that I am talking about hygiene not grooming because a lot people think the two are synonyms and they are not. Grooming is subjective, hygiene is not.

I know some people are going to say "my parents/guardians/teachers didn't teach me". I understand but that is just a lazy excuse. If you can use the Internet, you can learn new things. Many people seek out porn to learn how to have sex but you are telling me you cannot seek out actual self improvement resources. Come on, anybody over the age of 21 still using that excuse is just lazy.

Heck, my parents/teachers didn't teach me how to use Photoshop because they themselves didn't know how to use it but I learnt and now I use it in my career. Learning never stops and part of being a functional adult is being self motivated to seek out wisdom.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

My weekly roundup CW 18

I try to write down my thoughts after watching stuff to create a little weekly ranking in relation to the previous week on my, most of the times, quiet sundays (and because I love lists!). These are just my personal opinions and preferences.

And yes, this will contain spoilers!

☼ 1. Love Mate

I am thrilled and I decided to ignore the permanent crossing of boundaries. The series is so funny and not in a too embarrassing way. I cringe insanely fast and here it really kept within limits because the jokes just ended in time and were not exhausted until it hurts. We have grumpy-I-don't-believe-in-love-guy and the sunshine-I-fell-in-love-with-you-at-first-sight-guy (and yes, those are their names for me now) and the two have good chemistry and I just go awww. Grumpy guy is actually already smitten, just doesn't want to admit it to himself that someone has managed to break through his shell. And sunshine guy is just an idiot in love, who knows no boundaries and would do anything to convince his crush that love can be beautiful. And I am sitting in the front row rooting for him. Maybe because I can identify too much with grumpy-guy and find it quite nice to watch his heart slowly being conquered. Great series! Clear recommendation!

→ 2. My Story

Cutest scene this week goes to:

Zeke and Fifth are such flirts with each other and they both know they like the other and I think Zeke knows Fifth likes him too, it's just Fifth hasn't quite figured out that Zeke likes him too. There's still the belief that the latter might have a crush on Kim. Oh my little Fifth…you two are inseparable, Zeke doesn't leave your side unless you intentionally leave him behind, he is constantly flirting with you and bringing you coffee in bed. He actively and repeatedly seeks your proximity and wants you as a nude model! How many more clues do you need!? The preview for the next episode looks very promising! The main couple? Still not of interest to me. I lost interest in their story at some point and currently have no plans to get back in. They are not bad, Zeke and Fifth are just way cuter together.

Random scene I just don't understood what was happening or why:

↑ 3. Our Dining Table

How nice that the two of them ran into each other and Yutaka was able to experience the magic of the mother's special recipe. And when Minoru saw how differently his friend treated Tane and how Yutaka treated him, I think that was the moment when he finally fell in love. The look he gave Yutaka definitely speaks volumes. The story has some deeper parts, but it's still such a feel-good watch during the week. Some mid-week relaxation.

↓ 4. Happy Merry Ending

I think we all know that SeungJun's best friend is in love with him. Drama preprogrammed? We will have to wait and see. But I'm afraid this is a feast for writers. I'd like to see a plot twist like this, when you think that the two main characters get together and in the end it's the best friend who has also been in love with one of them for ages who becomes endgame (yes, my wish for The Promise). Won't happen, but I'd think it would be cool. Other than that, we got to see cute scenes between the characters and a bit of SeungJun's past, which is really not pleasant and I can get why he is how he is. Best scene so far is definitely the last scene of episode four when JaeHyun encourages SeungJun. Even though I was a little disappointed that they didn't dance with each other. Let's wait until the hand holding, then that will be my little tummy tickling scene!

↑ 5. Step by Step

I really enjoyed this episode again. What a roller coaster of emotions here! Maybe it was because the colleagues didn't appear that often and Jeng was also a bit more bearable again. At least he takes to heart what the employees have to say about him. And honestly, I love the looks he gives Pat! I was going to make a gifset, but then Photoshop broke, and after trying five times, reinstalling the application a zillion times, and ending up throwing Adobe completely off my computer, I figured there's currently a curse on it, I'm not touching the scenes again! But I think it won't be the last time he looks at Pat with that loving look. Such a handsome man. I'm a sucker for men in suits, but in this case, casual black shirts look soooo much better. As for the plot…I was too distracted by Jeng 😂

↓ 6. La Pluie

The mood of this week goes to:

It could have been over so easily and so quickly…well, Phat took his fate into his own hands and fell in love…That is shit. And in the end, I really just sat there and kept asking myself: What's happening right now? Are Tai and Lomfon falling for each other? What? And the scene where our precious vet is making out with someone and it starts to rain and Tai hears everything…that hurt amazingly bad. It left me speechless for a moment. I'm really curious to see where the journey goes. But I found a new motto this week: Unfuck it! Love it! Tian is the best! Someone needs to give him a really big hug. The poor kid is going through enough with his brothers and his arch-nemesis, who he's slowly falling for and who is slowly falling for his brother himself. Or this is just to get closer to Tian or just a representation of how people can bond over what they have in common without anything romantic having to happen right away, but I think we're all so influenced by our bl series that guys/men immediately flirt with each other and fall in love when there's common ground and a lively conversation. Just saw that the series is marked 18+ on MDL. Just wondering what made them give it that rating. iQiyi has it rated 13+.

↑ 7. Naked Dining

Okay, the moon thing was really cute. The moon means "I love you" and Mahori panics because he's already sent it. Honey, don't worry, Futa sends back a picture of the moon and everyone is happy! The female colleague will definitely make trouble, because of course now she has noticed how great Futa actually is or because she has been in love with him for a long time anyway. I don't really like this pretend you're my boyfriend acts because it always ends up with the girl falling in love and provoking drama. On the cuter hand, I thought it was cute when Mahori confessed having a crush on someone.

↓ 8. The Promise

Why do you have to drag everything out sooo much? Come on! These two like each other. This game is getting boring. Let them get together! And not just in a dreamed up deleted scene. What was that? I have no idea where to place that scene. Did either of them dream this? And if so, when? When Nan was in Party's arms? And Party, my man…you really are one of the best! Phu…get off your duff. Have faith in your best friend that even if he doesn't love you back, he won't abandon you. And Nan, please listen to your heart. I really feel like I write the same thing every week. I probably do, because a blind man with a cane can see that they like each other, but nothing seems to progress! It's frustrating!

↓ 9. A Boss and a Babe

Okay, so the topics are tough at times and yet the series feels like light banter to me. You know what I mean? It's dramatic with rape and drug trafficking and prison, and yet you feel like you're sweeping through the series light as a feather. I'm sure that's a little bit due to the characters. Even when dramatic scenes are shown, they are immediately grinned away in the next scene or covered up by love talk. The tragedy of many things doesn't really reach the viewer. And I won't go into Gun's mother for a moment. She wants to protect her son and especially the name of the family, which I can understand. The way it's done is just off, but really not as bad as in some other series or movies. And Cher doesn't let himself be kept away from Gun, which was kind of sweet in the end.

☼ 10. House of Stars

It was a mixture of boredom and drama and sex. I think the series is trying to go in the same direction as War of Y, but with less production budget and, sorry, a worse script. We have the mistress of the house who sets the rules and everyone obeys her. We have the little yet unknown one, who will fall in love with the nice seeming model student in the next episode, we have the competing pair, where you don't know exactly what's going on, we have the two in love, where I'm not sure if they are already a couple or not yet and we have the stalker, who finds the aggressive, heterosexual one so horny, that he watches him having sex and then lays hands on himself. And all this is accompanied by boring table talk and out-of-place fanservice scenes. Yes, this first episode has not quite picked me up yet.

↓ 11. Our Skyy 2

What's the point of intentionally hurting your partner just so you can have the satisfaction of surprising him in the end? That would have also worked if you had congratulated him and gone to the celebration from the outset and then just sneaked out. I'm angry about all this crap drama. It really overshadowed everything for me. And yes, I knew Our Skyy was going to be cringy, but it does really hurt. I'm really scared of when my favorites are on that it's going to spoil some of the original series for me….

↓ 12. Tin Tem Jai

I don't even bother to organize my thoughts - that's how little I care about the series in the end. Why were they fighting in the mall now? What was that hard cut and anyway…why that scene? A no-park zone??? How old is Tin!??! And was it really legal for Park to have sex with him? Their conversations are just so exhausting! Why is Park annoyed with Tin? I don't get it! That whole scene with your face is annoying….what was that for? Okay, now that's what I call abuse of power in a relationship with age difference…If Tin doesn't do what Park asks (i.e. not take the job that can benefit him professionally later and miss three days of college), then it's over? Wow.

I don't want to talk to Wikipedia right now….funniest scene of the week.

And what a drama with the mother in the last episode…Was that necessary? That was a bit much drama…And what exactly happened to Kana and Pao? They were just left behind on the track…At least I found them interesting and I would have liked to know how they are doing now. No…That was not good!

[yazexplorativepractice]

Week 11

Once I had all of my frames saved, trimmed and properly labelled, I went ahead and placed them all onto separate layers of a Photoshop document. I was immediately pleased when I first used the Timeline window and was able to see how my animation would hopefully look in the end. The movement that I had chosen was actually labelled as “skateboarding” - however I thought that with some stylizing, I could easily make it appear as though my character was skidding on roller skates. I started from the first frame and began by drawing the first set of lineart for my character on a separate layer. I decided to do everything on one document, so that I could have everything in close proximity, should I need to duplicate or just distort anything slightly.

Once I was happy with the lines, I moved onto adding colour and detail. I made sure that everything was separated appropriately - for example, I drew the mesh vest on a different layer, so that I could easily copy and apply this onto another variation of the character. I continuously made sure I was appropriately planning and making things easier for myself in the future.

Having the guide images behind all of the drawings I was doing, was key to my success here. As I was completely new to 2D animation, I tried to keep things fairly simple, and didn’t add too much detail, especially keeping in mind the time frame I had left. I tried to keep my expectations realistic in this area.

[niconiconwo]

Alternate plan: simplify a normal wiring harness by simply not having 174 computers and an ipad built into the car. Decades of development and yet nobody has really created a better center console since the ‘80s. No known purpose for cars to have radar emitters and proximity alarms, just look around. I should really brush up on photoshop and make this meme. (I really like preaching to the choir haha)

I get where you're coming from but you have no clue what you're talking about. There is one "computer" if you'd like to call it that (it's really just a very sophisticated spreadsheet at it's core), and lots of sensors. Technically two if you count the TCM which is purely concerned with the automatic transmission.

Frankly there aren't even that many sensors, maybe a dozen or so which isn't a whole lot really. Cam, Crank, Knock, O2s, Oil Pressure, Coolant Temp, IAT, MAP/MAF, pedal position sensors, throttle position sensor, ABS, speed sensor sometimes, A/C sensors if you have A/C, and a few less common ones I probably forgot. And even all of these may not be in a certain vehicle.

Far more wires are used to run switches and controls than sensors to the ECM; like your lights, wipers, some climate controls, your cluster and all the lights in it, window switches, lock switches, power mirrors etc. This one varies way more dependent on the vehicle, some signal to the ECM and some might not and it changes from model to model.

Anyways, the typical wiring harness is already as simplified as it can be without affecting performance, reliability, safety, or all three. There isn't a whole lot more you can really do to trim down on the wires without deleting something actually worthwhile putting aside optionals like TPMS or collision detection stuff. The iDash usually isn't taking up more harness real estate that a console radio used to use to be fair, especially chonky double din radios.

[forgottenpasta]

Dulce Periculum Pt. 1

Summary: Devious and devilish, your two new impish hybrids never miss a chance to torment you for your hopeless attraction to them, knowing exactly what they do to you. But is sly sexuality and enigmatic allure all there is to the tiger and wolf hybrid, or do the depths of their eyes hide something more for you? Part 1/2.

Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 7.2k

Pairings: Tiger Hybrid!Taehyung x Reader X Wolf Hybrid!Jeongguk

Warnings: Taehyung and Jeongguk have no shame, arrogance galore, filthy smut in part 2, swearing, mentions of blood, mild violence, anime style nosebleeds.

Part 1 | Part 2 (complete)

A/n: Enjoy!

****

The sickening sound of Jeongguk’s foot connecting  with the bear hybrid’s face in what was a flawless display of a spinning wheel kick made you flinch in your seat. The crunch of bones breaking could be heard by even your inferior human ears. The hulking bear hybrid went down like a sack of potatoes, hitting the hard floor of the ring with a dull thud.

Jeongguk huffed out a laugh as he assumed a neutral position, wiping a hand down his sweat soaked washboard abs as he smirked down at the hybrid who was clutching his jaw with both his hands. “I thought bears were supposed to be aggressive in the ring and shit. You fight like a pussy.”

The man on the floor groaned in pain and anger, but try as he might he couldn’t get up, the rivulets of blood dripping down his nose, staining his hands and white of the ring floor indication enough of the result of the fight, but just so it was clear enough the bear hybrid tapped out nonetheless.

Jeongguk rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath to control his laboured breathing. “Put a band-aid on it and stop whining. It’ll be back to normal by tomorrow.”

“Does he really have to do that?”, you mused out loud from where you sat on the bench beside the fighting rings. You watched Jeongguk help the hybrid stand up. “I get that he’s the trainer, the teacher and all that but still. His words make me feel like a pathetic fighter and I’m not even in the ring with him.”

You hadn’t really expected a response from your bench co-occupant, seeing as ignoring you was the norm with the tiger hybrid, hence the snort startled you into turning your head to stare at him.

“That’s because you are a pathetic fighter.” Taehyung  didn’t look at you, busy scrolling through his twitter feed on his phone.

Despite your resolve, which you had tried so hard to harden ever since the two insanely attractive hybrids had come into your life, you found yourself sighing. And it wasn’t a frustrated sigh either, as it should have been considering his totally unwarranted barb about your non-existent fighting skills, it was the dreamy kind. You didn’t understand how he made slouching on a bench,  bored out of his mind while staring blankly at his phone look like a cover spread straight out of a bougie magazine. He unintentionally modelled every little thing he did, like right now you could take a picture of him and photoshop an ad of the device in his hand and no one would blink an eye. You could understand why so many brands clamoured to get him to model for them, though he was particularly picky and selective about who to lend his divinely handsome face to.

“Thanks, Tae.”, you replied, because what did you say to that really? You were always hard pressed to come up with a clever response whenever one of them were in close proximity to you. You swore up and down you were a quick witted person when your two new hybrids weren’t there to cloud your confidence with their sex-on-legs charm and mysterious aura.

“Don’t mention it, Owner. I’m always here to offer you some encouraging words.”, Taehyung muttered with a straight face, his striped tail swishing languidly beside him.

A shiver ran through you, even though the temperature in the gym was completely normal.

Owner. You had told them countless times to call you by your name ever since they came into your life three weeks ago, but every time you did they just smiled at you and went right back to calling you owner. You were convinced they got their kicks off watching you turn red or sputter or stumble all over yourself whenever one of them uttered the word. They knew what effect it had on you and they revelled in it.

You were about to ask him for the nth time not to call you that when the brownish orange ears atop his head twitched and he looked up. You followed suit, making eye contact with your wolf hybrid sauntering towards the two of you with a lazy grin on his face.

Shirtless. Sweatpants riding low. Underwear band showing above the top of the waistband of his sweats. Long hair wet from a shower. Fuck.

From the amused expression on Taehyung’s face you knew he could hear your thundering heartbeat.

“Don’t go getting a heart attack now, Owner. Who’s gonna feed us if we lose you?”

Jeongguk took that moment to reach the two of you. “Who’s getting a heart attack?”, he asked, pulling out a towel from his duffel bag beside the bench and towel drying his hair with it in that way guys did that should not look hot but did.

“No one. Are you ready to go?”, you diverted the conversation, willingly breathing deeply to tame your heartbeat. You did not need their ribbing over your obvious attraction to them right now.

“Yeah, just need to clock out for the weekend. Then we’re driving down to Lean Raw to have lunch.”, Jeongguk informed, chuckling when you made a face at the suggestion. The restaurant he was talking about only served tasteless “healthy food”, no sight of grease or artery-choking deliciousness anywhere.

“We went there last Friday as well.”, you complained under your breath, getting up to follow both of them out of the gym, trying not to stare at Jeongguk’s flexing back muscles as he pulled on a white T-shirt that might as well be see-through, his sleek yet fluffy dark grey wolf tail swaying gracefully behind him.

Jeongguk turned back and you quickly averted your eyes, feigning immense interest in the potted plants lining the gym’s exit.

“You should thank me then. I’m making you eat healthy at least once a week.”

“I eat fine. Not my fault normal is not upto your standards.”, you mumbled as you all reached his black Mercedes parked in the small parking lot for gym employees.

“If you consider subway sandwiches and Chinese takeout six days a week normal, Owner, then you’re asking for that heart attack you were about to get back in there.”, he quipped, winking at Taehyung when the elder hybrid’s amusement broke for a laugh at the stricken look on your face.  

You hurried to duck inside the car, going for the spacious backseat because they never let you drive when one of them were with you, even when you insisted to take your own humble and ancient Honda Accord. Taehyung got in the passenger seat and Jeonnguk in the driver’s, smoothly pulling out onto the road.

Seeing you three together the way you were, it was hard to figure out whether you owned the hybrids or if it was the other way round. People never believed you when you told them the two luxurious, predator hybrids were yours. And they wouldn’t have been had your great-aunt, who remained unmarried throughout her life and amassed a considerable wealth writing books about hybrids, had not unexpectedly died by slipping in her apartment-sized bathroom and breaking her head open on the corner of a marble countertop. Even more unexpectedly, she had willed the two hybrids that she had raised since they were teenagers to you of all people and all her wealth to them. You often thought that she must have had no idea that she’d die so suddenly and unexpectedly, because her will have to have been an interim joke while she figured out exactly who to actually give responsibility of her hybrids to in case of her death.

Or maybe she thought you were the only one who’d not try to extort the wealth she had endowed on her two “kids”. Technically, hybrid inheritance and property laws still prohibited ownership of property by hybrids if their owner hadn’t sanctioned it or gifted it to them, and in the eyes of law everything that belonged to the hybrids belonged to their owners as well. In your opinion, it was well past time such medieval and discriminatory laws were repealed but it didn’t matter anyway because your timid, tongue-tied self was incapable of extorting even an unwilling apology or “thank you” from the two spoiled hybrids, let alone their money.

Maybe your great-aunt was a genius. She knew exactly who would never be willing or able to curb her hybrids’ freedom.

“You guys are so mean.”, you pouted, looking out the window at the slow-passing buildings and dramatically leaning your head against the glass like you were a pitiful, wronged protagonist of an angsty movie.

“You’re just so prone to even a little bit of teasing, Owner. You get all nervous and fidgety, it’s honestly so funny to watch.”, Jeongguk supplied helpfully.

You rolled your eyes. “Glad I could entertain, but stop calling me owner, please. Just call me ___.”

Taehyung smirked at you from the review mirror. “As you wish, Owner.”

Giving up with a huff, you slipped in your earbuds to effectively shut out their teasing and showcase your disgruntlement. The name was an irony at this point, an oxymoron, because you anything but owned them. They had known what effect they had on you from the moment you’d first met them in your great-aunt’s lawyer’s office. You’d given away all your cards from the first meting like the inexperienced, naive idiot you were. You’d toppled over the carpet because you were staring at Taehyung instead of watching where you were going, signed the wrong documents because Jeongguk had flashed a smile your way and literally broken the glass of the table with a jerk of your knee when you’d felt Jeongguk’s hand accidentally brush your denim covered thigh. Even the lawyer tried to cover up his laughter with coughs and sympathetic looks towards you. In short you had been a rambling, awkward mess at the thought of two of the sexiest men/hybrids you’d ever seen living with you and that day had been marked as the most humiliating one in your life, one you’d likely reminisce for years to come whenever you couldn’t sleep late at night and your brain started playing the movie of all the embarrassing moments of your life. And it would be a long one, because even after three weeks living with them you continued to make a fool out of yourself at every reminder of how out of your league they were and how bad of a crush you had on them.

Even though you had earbuds in, you weren’t actually listening to music, too preoccupied with thoughts of your lameness to press play. You could hear everything when Taehyung and Jeongguk started talking.

“You helping me with the shoot tommorow?”, Taehyung asked him. He had a photoshoot for a luxury watch brand coming up which was going to be featured on multiple billboards and magazines. You always did a double take when you spotted Taehyung’s face around the city, on banners, screens and subway ads, had a hard time believing the same man slept across the hall from you.

“Nah, hyung. Jackson asked me to help him out at the club downtown, one of his bouncers quit recently and you know how the weekend rush is.”

Taehyung chuffed in disappointment, the sound so tiger-like you almost smiled. He couldn’t purr like small cat hybrids could, but his chuffs were so damn adorable it didn’t matter.

“Why don’t you take Owner with you?”, Jeongguk suggested, a small tilt to his lips indicating he was joking. Maybe. Nevertheless you shrunk down in your seat to make yourself as small as possible. You did NOT want to go to one of Taehyung’s photoshoots, for many reasons but mainly because you knew what seeing him in his element would do to you and you had clowned yourself enough to last a life time.

Taehyung frowned, running his long, slender fingers over his bottom lip in contemplation. “I would but I don’t want her to get nosebleeds watching me pose for the camera.”

Death. You wanted it.

Staring wide-eyes at your lap you willed spontaneous combustion to incinerate you right then and there. The nerve of him! He was so fucking arrogant but so fucking…spot on, and he said it with such quiet resignation too, like it was the truth of the matter universally accepted that you would, in fact, get nosebleeds watching him pose. But still, was humility not in fashion anymore? You had half a mind to connect your bluetooth to Jeongguk’s car and blast Humble by Kendrick Lamar.

Jeongguk laughed. “You are a smug motherfucker.”

Taehyung was affronted, he shot the wolf a glare. “That’s ‘You are a smug motherfucker, hyung’ to you, brat. Besides, you have no room to talk after that shirtless, just out-of-the-shower thing you pulled on her back there. You knew what you were doing.”

Jeongguk shrugged shamelessly. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that as much as I did.”

Enough.

“I can hear you two animals.”, you said hotly, glaring at them as you crossed your arms across your chest.Jeongguk snorted.

“Animals? Thats what the playground bully called me in kindergarten. You gotta come up with something better than that, Owner.”

Taehyung peeked back at you with mischievous eyes, a playful smile on his face. “Aww, Owner, we knew you could hear us. There’s no music playing in those.” He pointed to the earphones you clutched close to your chest. Of course, how could you forget their superior hearing that just outed you in the gym as well. The pissed off glare you’d aimed at him faltered when you noticed his gaze linger on your chest for a second too long but his eyes were back to yours before you could say anything.

“I would love to take you to the shoot with me, you know. Nosebleeds or not.”

His eyes went hooded and his voice dropped an octave lower than it already was, his baritone rich and deep and sensuous. You stilled, involuntarily bracing for whatever he was about to say.

“I would love to let people know who owns me.”

********

Snatching a pristine white paper napkin from the holder, you stuffed it up your nostril, letting it hang from there as you smacked away Taehyung’s hands when he tried to help you.

“You have to tilt your head Owner or the bleeding won’t stop easily.”, he whined, trying to grab your head to make you tilt it. You shrugged him off.

“I don’t need to listen to you. You should be able to see what you did to me.”

“Flawless logic, Owner.”, Jeongguk snickered from where he sat across the two of you. Taehyung had immediately claimed the seat beside you upon entering the restaurant, hovering to make sure you were alright. Jeongguk had also tried to approach you with his hands outstretched but a glare from you had him sitting where he was now.

Taehyung sighed, leaning back in his seat to give you a look of concern but finally leaving you alone. “I was just joking. I had no clue that would happen.”

You didn’t want to talk about yet another one of your now infamous daily embarrassments, not having the willpower to confront your failings at the moment. You changed the subject. “Can we order please? I’m starving.”

Jeongguk signalled for a waitress but kept his eyes on you, a frown coming on to his beautiful features. “Did you skip breakfast again? I made you an omelette and cut up some fruits before leaving for work in the morning.”

“Oh did you?”, you asked sardonically, raising your brows and turning to look pointedly at your tiger hybrid. “I didn’t happen to find it.”

A guilty look crossed Taehyung’s face immediately, his orange and black ears almost folding over on his head. He rushed to explain himself. “I didn’t know it was for her! In my defence I offered to make her some pancakes to compensate but she refused. I did manage to get some cereal in her though.”

You were already speaking before Jeongguk could impart another one of his healthy eating lectures on you. “I was getting late to meet my friend, I didn’t have time to eat.”

The wolf hybrid shook his head in disappointment, making you feel strangely guilty. You were an adult dammit, you didn’t need to explain your eating habits to your own hybrid.

Thankfully the waitress took that moment to come take your order, saving you from any more chastisement from the hunk of muscle and soft fur sitting across from you. But a look towards the cute blonde standing beside your table, bending down low to show her modest cleavage, smiling at your hybrids like she was a kid in a candy store (or a waitress who’d just won the hot customer table lottery), had your mood tumbling right back down in the gutter.

It really shouldn’t have, you should be used to this by now. People, women and men, stared at your hybrids wherever they went, you had first hand witnessed a woman run into a pole whilst almost turning her head 180 degrees to keep staring at Taehyung and Jeongguk. You didn’t blame them, they were a hard pair to ignore. Especially when they were together, they oozed a confidence and charisma so magnetic that along with their otherworldly attractiveness, it tended to leave the people around them slack jawed, awed and/or jealous. But the most befuddling part was that they didn’t have to do anything for it except be themselves. If they noticed the attention on them, they were either used to it or consciously ignored it because you’d never witnessed them giving a fuck about what others thought about them or saw them as, and that just added to their charm even more.

Like now. They were doing nothing out of the ordinary but a sweeping glance around you informed you that almost all women and some men seated inside the healthy-crap selling establishment were either blatantly staring at them or trying to steal glances in between conversation and eating. They turned heads wherever they went, this was nothing new. So why did you feel a headache oncoming?

“Hi, my name is Lea. What can I get you boys?”, the waitress chirped, her million watt smile illuminating your table and worsening your headache.

You sighed in resignation, not at all surprised by your exclusion in her greeting. Whenever you were with your two hybrids, you might as well be thin air, except that one time when that pre-pubescent kid in the park had asked you if you were their maid.  

Jeongguk smiled at her, and you swore even you could hear her heartbeat double up. “Just water, while we decide please. Thank you.”

“Of course.” She wrote something on her notepad, making you scowl. Did she really need to remember something as simple as water? You saw her surreptitiously glance at Taehyung as she made to leave, and apparently the tiger hybrid noticed too, a smirk curling on his lips before he shot her a wink. The waitress stumbled over nothing, almost face planting in someone’s food. Felt good to not be the only one making a fool of herself over the two men. You ignored the irrational irritation simmering deep in you at the sight of one of them semi-flirting with a woman.

They were very respectful towards your home space in terms of never bringing anyone home for the night, even though you hadn’t said anything to the effect, but you were hundred percent sure they more than got their needs fulfilled without you ever coming to know of their escapades, it was impossible that they didn’t, looking the way they did and the sheer number of propositions they got on a daily basis.

You snapped open your menu in search of the least healthy option available when Taehyung addressed you.

“I wasn’t joking about you coming with me to the shoot, you know.”

When you said nothing, he grumbled out, “Owner, I’m talking to you. You look absolutely ridiculous with that napkin stuffed up your nose by the way.”

You gave him the stink eye, ignoring his last quip. “Why do you want me there? You always have your agent and staff with you.”

Jeongguk answered for him, leaning back to rest his arm across the back of the bench in a way that did wonders for his biceps and had you momentarily distracted. “He gets restless when he’s around strangers for a long time. Ideally hyung can manage it but during long shoots it helps when someone he has scented accompanies him.”

“Scented?” You frowned, not understanding. Your knowledge of hybrids was embarrassingly scant and whatever you knew about their behaviours had been acquired in the last three weeks of living with the two.

Jeongguk looked at you, surprised, before sharing a look with Taehyung that you couldn’t quite comprehend. “Um…”

“If you’re worried about getting more nosebleeds, you don’t need to. You can stay in the trailer during the whole thing and I can come get you when I need you.” Taehyung cut off whatever Jeongguk was about to say, speaking to you in a tone that bordered on placating. Pitying.

The mercury was rising on your temper thermometer. One thing you absolutely hated was being pitied. It was bad enough that they knew how you felt about them, how helplessly attracted you were to them. You could even excuse their teasing words and occasional jokes at your expense. But pity, you could not take. An idea formed in your head as you sat there stewing in your vexed emotions.

“No, thank you.”, you snapped, a little more crassly than you perhaps should have but Taehyung’s surprised face was worth it. You normally never spoke in anything but a diffident manner. “I have plans this weekend.”

A frown replaced his surprise rather quickly. “What plans? You didn’t say anything about any plans.”

“You normally stay at home during weekends to read those steamy books you love so much.”, Jeongguk added, looking at you with curiosity. At your shocked face he smiled crookedly and felt the need to further elaborate. “You know the ones with the ripped dudes on the cover.”

You sucked on your tongue, internally enraged but forcing yourself to not react and rise up to his bait. Anger and embarrassment were not a good combination for you, so when you spoke your voice was sharp enough to cut. “How would you know what I “normally” do on weekends? You two have only been living with me three weeks. Don’t presume that you know the first thing about me.“

It was Jeongguk’s turn to look surprised, likely because you’d never spoken to them that way. He shared a glance with Taehyung and because you weren’t looking at him you missed the “tone it down” gesture he made to the younger with his hand and Jeongguk’s subtle nod to it.

The wolf hybrid slowly reached across the table and picked up your hand. Looking contrite, he apologised. “I’m sorry, Owner. You’re absolutely right. I spoke out of turn. Will you please tell us what are your plans for this weekend?”

You almost answered them but the words stalled in your throat when a thought occurred. “Why do you guys want to know?”

Jeongguk looked like he was at a loss for a second. Smoothly, Taehyung picked up your question, saving the younger from coming up with an appropriate excuse. “For security, Owner. We just want to know you’ll be safe. Can you really begrudge us your mere whereabouts when we’ve recently lost our previous owner so easily?”

He knew he was being underhanded playing the dead owner card, but Taehyung had never been one for propriety.

As expected your eyes softened at the mention of your deceased Aunt. You shrugged, giving in. “I’m gonna go clubbing with some friends.”

The truth was you hadn’t been out partying in a long while, hadn’t had an orgasm given to you by someone else in even longer and you felt that this painful attraction to your two hybrids might just be more exasperating because of these factors. A night of drinking, dancing and maybe a good lay just might help. Or not. But you had to try and get over your unrequited crush over your hybrids, who were way out of your league.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t notice how the they had suddenly straightened to give you all of their attention, until Jeongguk broke the silence with a bark. “Who?”

You raised your brows.

He cleared his throat, voice calmer when he repeated. “Who? That girl who works under you? What’s her name? Mary, Maddie, err, Maggie? I can’t remember.”

“My assistant, Masie? Ugh, no. Just some people I’ve been friends with since college I guess.”

They frowned at your vague answer but before they could question you further the waitress returned, a suspicious new sheen of bright red lipstick on her lips which wasn’t there before. Taehyung noticed you roll your eyes at her, making him smile secretively.

Jeongguk turned on his charm on her, something you’d noticed he couldn’t help but do with people,  but you were hundred percent certain what he presented was a front. Like a computer which produced the same output every time you give the same command, no matter who gave it. You could shuffle his interactions with strangers interested in him with each other, and it wouldn’t make any difference. They all fell for it hook, line and sinker.But you didn’t feel like watching him make the poor girl more flustered than she already was today.

You turned your gaze to the menu, tuning out the sound of the waitress going on an in-detail spiel about her favourite dishes available when Jeongguk was gonna order the same thing he did last time.

Taehyung’s shoulder nudged you softly, and you looked up to see his soft smile directed at you. It disarmed you for a second.

He leaned down to whisper in your ear, making you shiver slightly. “Do introduce us to your friends.”

You promptly glanced back at the menu. Hell, no.

********

The next day you found your luck shining on you. Three flyers for a downtown club named Lithium which was offering free drinks for the code printed on them, were stuffed in your mailbox along with other junk.  As usual, when it came to actually going through with your plans you had been dithering, both laziness and your mild agoraphobia making a simple task such as going out with some friends seem like a herculean effort. As if the huge amount of money you’d spent on getting therapy for your anxiety wasn’t reason enough to enjoy your better state of mind once in a while.

You messaged some of your friends, the ones you knew were unlikely to turn down an offer of drinking and partying. Your college friends Naeun and Sooyoung accepted immediately. Giddy with excitement, you spent your day flitting about the house and pampering yourself with every skin care product you owned and scrubbing and waxing yourself down to a polish, not one prickly hair in sight.

It helped that Taehyung was out for his shoot and Jeongguk was out doing god knows what, it’s not like you pried into their lives. Even though it was the more heedful thing to do to know about their whereabouts because if hybrids got into trouble with the authorities out on their own, nobody could save them except their owners. You felt a little relieved that they were prudent enough to wear their collars whenever they were out on their own, though Taehyung wore his wrapped around his wrist like a bracelet.

At the thought of Taehyung you stopped rummaging your closet to rub your chin in contemplation and a little guilt. You could swear he was pouting when he left home this morning for work, looking at you out of the corner of his eyes when it became absolutely apparent that you would not accompany him to the shoot. You also remembered Jeongguk’s soft murmer of appreciation because you’d woken up early to make him breakfast just how he liked, he’d touched your waist lightly while doing so, making you almost drop your plate.

Sighing you glanced back at your closet, your gaze flitting to the deep blue number you’d bought on impulse but never worn. You didn’t feel like you had the confidence to carry risqué clothing, so your more revealing purchases almost always remained untouched in your closet. But you still remembered the happenings of yesterday, you would not pity yourself like they did. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen? Ending up looking like a literal clown was better than making a fool of yourself every other day. You pulled out the deep blue halter dress that moulded to your curves like a second skin and ended at mid-thigh.  

Sooyoung and Naeun brought a bottle of vodka for little prep drinking before you went out. Naeun looked absolutely gorgeous in her slinky black dress and sky-high heels, towering over you as she hugged you. Sooyoung was dressed like she was going to a bdsm club. She was pushing past you to get to the kitchen and pulling out shot glasses before you could even say a word in greeting to her. Naeun and you followed her.

“So who are we getting over?”, Naeun chirped as she grabbed her shot.

“What do you mean?”, you asked nonchalantly, cutting up a melon and getting some salt.

You could feel Naeun stare even though you weren’t looking at her.

“You don’t fool us, ___, we’ve known you since college. You would never willingly go out unless it was absolutely imperative. You’re clearly looking for a distraction.”, Sooyoung gave you a knowing look before downing her first shot like it was water and she a fish.

You laughed, but even to your own ears the sound came out as awkward. “Can’t a girl just let loose with her friends once in a while just for the heck of it.”

Sooyoung exchanged a troubled glance with Naeun, the action reminding you of the subtle glances your two hybrids often exchange with one other, instantly putting a damper on your mood. You were sick of feeling like the butt of some inside joke you were never privy to.

Sooyoung saw your scowl and touched your hand.“We just meant it is unlike you. Even once in a while.”, she assured while reaching for the bottle.Naeun narrowed her eyes at you, making you go tense.

Ever the straightforward one, she never minced her words. She had a reputation for reducing many a guy and girl to tears with her honesty, including you. “I’m sure its got nothing to do with the two hybrids you now own. I saw the pictures in the living room by the way, they’re certainly a sight for sore eyes. Did you fuck them yet?”

You should have expected it but her crass words made you immediately defensive anyhow. “What?! No! I don’t- it’s not like that between us.”

“Between you and them or between them and you?”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” You downed your shot then, already itching to get out there and forget everything happening in your life.

Sooyoung answered for Naeun. “What she means, in Naeun-speak, is if it’s you who wants to keep it “not like that” or them? What’s the tea? C’mon tell us. ”, she imitated your voice, sounding way more annoying than you did. You hoped.

You rolled your eyes on an exasperated sigh. “You guys are looking for “tea” where there is not even a drop of water.”

Naeun pretended to check her one inch glittery gold fake nails. “If that’s so, you don’t mind me asking for their numbers right? It’s been a long time since I’ve been the filling in a sexy hybrid sandwich.”

After a few seconds of you staring at your two friends wide-eyed and them looking at you expectantly, you threw in the towel. “No, I’m not gonna give you their numbers. Can we go already?”

“Sure.”, Sooyoung got up, swinging an arm around your shoulder as she led you to the front door. Naeun followed behind with a smug expression you wanted to slap off. “We’re gonna get you a good lay and you’re gonna forget all about them. Good dick is good dick, no matter where it comes from.”

You made a face. “There’s so much wrong with that sentence.”

******** Club Lithium was jam packed, the weekend crowd clearly evidenced in the long queue of dressed up people that had greeted you outside. You had fully expected to wait outside till your toes went numb in the blue suede pumps you had selected to go along with your dress, but seeing you three approaching the entrance, a bouncer had broken away from his guard at the door to tell you about the random selection for entrants they were doing from people in the line. Which was odd because you hadn’t even joined the queue yet.

You eyed his suspiciously but Sooyoung was jumping at the chance before you could second guess anything, expressing gratitude by bounding upto him to clutch his bicep as he led you all inside.

“I think the girls are doing their job.”, Naeun observed, adjusting her cleavage for maximum potential. You laughed as you entered the club, darkness surrounding you immediately as strobe lights in red and blue occasionally flashed and gave you a glimpse of a crowded dance floor and a bar spanning the entire left side of the club. The mix of bass and thrumming drum beats was already making you itch to move to the rhythm even with just one shot in your system.

You absolutely loved to dance. It didn’t matter that you weren’t all that good at it, you could dance to anything and everything, even silence when you were alone in your apartment with an imaginary song playing in your head. Even if you didn’t find anybody to go home with today, if you were able to dance till your feet hurt you’d consider it a successful night out. Your friends knew this.

Sooyoung took your hand to drag you to the bar, shouting over the music. “Let’s get more shots so we can dance already.”

An adorable looking cat hybrid was manning the bar. His fluffy tail flicked as you signalled for his attention, a wide smile immediately coming on to his face as he greeted you. “My name is Yoongi. What can I get you guys?”

As Sooyoung answered him, you couldn’t help but stare meanwhile. He really was adorable. White tail and ears and a head full of platinum hair, he looked unreal. His black collar shone with a big circle cut diamond hanging from the centre. He was clearly much appreciated by his owner. You wondered if you could get away with gifting something like that to your hybrids. As much as they called you owner, you never got an inkling that they truly acknowledged your ownership enough to accept a symbol of it from you. You didn’t want to step on any toes.

“You look a little lost.” Yoongi’s voice made you snap your gaze to him. He slid your drink towards you.

You downed the shot as quickly as you could before answering him. “Just thinking about my hybrids.”

Yoongi didn’t look surprised, though he leaned his elbows on the bar top in curiosity. “What kind of hybrids do you own? I’m my owner’s only hybrid, I can’t imagine having to share his attention with another.”

“Tiger and wolf.”

Yoongi wrinkled his nose, looking even cuter if that was possible. “Wild predators. We got a wolf h—“

A cheery voice cut him off as a handsome man came down the other side towards Yoongi to fluff up his hair. “I hope you’re not getting distracted again, Yoongi.”

Yoongi huffed as he swatted away his hand. “I’m not. I’m just talking to the customers, Jackson.”

Jackson reached for his hair again, smiling deviously, making the hybrid duck away to escape. You tilted your head, a small smile on your face. What would happen if you made to ruffle Taehyung or Jeongguk’s hair? You had a sudden inexplicable urge to find out.

Leaving the bar you joined your friends on the dance floor. Hip thrusting and body rolling your heart out to the hip hop and EDM fusion beat. As the night progressed, you downed three more shots, thoroughly tipsy when Naeun grabbed you from behind for a less than platonic dance with her, grinding on each other and making many men on the dance floor drool over the sight of you two.

After your sixth shot, you were officially gone to the world as you moved on the dance floor. When an unfamiliar pair of hands snaked around your waist, you didn’t do anything to stop them, didn’t even turn around when a distinctively male, unfamiliar voice whispered in your ear from behind.

“You’re so fucking ho—hghk.” And just like that the hands disappeared and the presence gone from behind in a rush of air.

“Huh?” Slightly confused but the alcohol in your system muddling your intelligence, you made to look over your shoulder but another pair of muscular hands were replacing the previous ones before you could.

The body that moulded to yours thrummed with testosterone and something dangerous, the heady musk of maleness and something wild but eerily familiar making you simultaneously a little scared but comforted. You moved languidly together, though the music was anything but.

He towered over you, you could tell, his chin brushing the top of your head. He didn’t say anything, just held you impossibly close and danced with you like he had all the time in the world. The alcohol you had consumed was making you uncharacteristically bold, you leaned your head against his shoulder and when the music switched to something more sultry, you slowly took his hands in yours to trail them up your waist.

For a few seconds he didn’t do anything, but soon enough he was taking your prompt and running his veiny hands up your body. When his hands brushed the underside of your breasts, a sigh escaped your lips even as your failing inhibitions tried to contain it. “Yes.”

You threw caution to the wind when one of his fingers almost touched a nipple through the fabric of your dress. Taking his hands in yours, you placed them firmly on your breasts, undulating your hips to the beat to rub against his pelvis.

A curse left his lips that he muffled against your hair, hooking the the curtain of it that fell over your right shoulder with his fingers to bare your neck to him. He pressed his mouth to the sensitive skin there, and you had inkling he was also doing it to not let any more sounds escape him.

Reaching a hand behind you, you grabbed a thick thigh, urging him to not let any space between you. He bit your neck at the action, sucking on the skin to leave a bruise there.

“Fuck yes!”, you moaned, closing your eyes. You were unbearably wet in your lace panties, your thighs rubbing together to alleviate the sensations his touch on your breasts was causing.

When you couldn’t take it anymore, you swiftly turned around to attach your lips to his. Not caring to take a look at his face, the only thing illuminating your surroundings were occasional flashing strobe lights anyway, you went on your tip toes to deepen the kiss, licking his bottom lip for more. He obliged with equal eagerness, clutching the back of your head so that his tongue could explore your mouth.

He tasted divine, smelled even more amazing. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, certain you were going to spend your night in the arms of a strange man that felt like home. You hadn’t expected to actually get laid tonight, but were thoroughly satisfied by how the night was turning out.

Biting his lip, you trailed kisses up his jaw as your hands inched up to card into his thick hair. You were about to whisper into his ear a proposition to leave for somewhere less crowded when your fingers encountered the distinctive shape of ears on his head, the soft fur tickling your skin. You had no clue you were kissing a hybrid.

Surprised, you pulled back to look at the hybrid you’d almost been vertical fucking in front of so many people. The man tried to pull you back in to his lips but you resisted, curious, and when next the lights flashed to illuminate the club momentarily, your heart almost lurched out of your chest in shock.

Jeongguk was staring back at you with heavy lidded eyes, lips swollen from your frantic kisses and a hungry look on his face.

“Won’t you ask me to take you home, Owner?”

You gasped, stumbling back as some sobriety filtered back in. What had you done? This was not supposed to happen. You had promised yourself you’d never let either of them seduce you just for the sake of it. Your heart couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t handle being a notch on their belt when you had to live with them, and knowing your tendency for attachment it was downright dangerous for you to delve into any kind of physical intimacy with them.

But of course, why would they care about your heart. They were as cruel with their inconsiderate handling of your feelings towards them as ever. He could have easily told you who he was, or better yet never approached you in the first place, but they could never pass up a chance to torment you, could they? Your lips were already craving for more, your body still tingling in all the right places, even though you’d done nothing but make out. This is why you never wanted to go down this path, if you didn’t know what you were missing, you wouldn’t want it as much. Now, Jeongguk had ruined even that for you. He likely thought it’d be fun to prank his owner, making your vulnerability the butt of the joke as always. And now you couldn’t go back to just imagining what it felt like kissing them, he’d gone and given you a taste of what you couldn’t have. All for a joke. He must be laughing at you internally for falling into his arms so easily, even without looking at his face.

Self pity and humiliation were a depressing combination, forcing tears into your eyes even as you tried your best to keep them at bay.

Jeongguk had started closing the distance between you again, lust evident on his face, when the sudden suspicious shine in your eyes made him go stock-still.

A horrified, confused look dawned on his beautiful face. “Owner, what-wait—!”

Not letting him speak and fuck up everything more than it already was, you turned to flee the club.  

A/n: let me know what you thought, feedback keeps me writing.

[et-lesailes]

one touch

pairing: steve rogers x reader

word count: 1700

prompt: “Hello! Can you pretty please write a one shot with Steve rogers where the reader has an issue with human contact (nothing specific has happened) & is touch deprived & Steve is very understanding and soft with her until she trust him & eventually falls asleep on the couch on him and theres a lot of fluff &soft kisses?? Thank you so much!!!”

themes: fluff, romance, mentions of anxiety

taglist: @viarogers , @evanstush , @chibi-crazy , @chalamet-evans , @world-of-losers , @songforhema, @sebabestianstan101 , @tanyam93 , @bval-1, @wonderwinchester , @little-miss-exo, @poerebel , @pining-and-tired , @gogomez-509 , @patzammit, @a-distantdreamer, @malthestorytellerblog, @rainbowkisses31, @jbug491writinghelp, @quaideraid, @melannie77, @gigistorm, @lille-kattunge, @teller258316, @rohaintahquil, @deidrashouseofpain, @firstangeldragonranch, @peach-acid, @allsortsofinterests, @xoxabs88xox, @heyiamthatbitch, @cptn-sgrogers, @heyyouwiththeassbutt, @bangtan-serendipity, @troublermalik, @beardburnsupersoldiers

note: requested by anonymous // was way too tired n lazy to make a proper graphic so accept this pls. now that i’m actually back into using photoshop tho imma start trying to create (very average) graphics for all of my stories lmao.

While being on the run with Captain America seemed like it would be intense and full of drama and surprises, it was a fairly isolated and sometimes even melancholy experience. Ever since Steve’s fight with Tony leading to the breakup of the Avengers, you had dutifully sided with Steve on his nomadic journey. You had started out as his right-hand, and that was how your story would end, whenever that day may be. 

Based on all of this, it would make sense to have 100% trust in him. He was your captain and you practically followed him into the jaws of death when it came to your missions and battles. You could trust that he would never leave you behind and that he would always have a plan. But this trust was apparently only on the battlefield. When Steve had tried to kiss you in the tiny, remote apartment the two of you now shared in the middle of nowhere, you immediately flinched. You felt even worse seeing the guilt upon his features, as if he had done something wrong. No, this was all on you and your terribly aloof nature, the side of you that held you back from maintaining close, personal relationships with anyone else.

It was only a matter of time before this happened. Even during the Avengers days, you and Steve had been inseparable. Everyone on the team had predicted the two of you would end up together, they had even made bets on it. Yet still, the two of you had not even shared one hug. He probably had not thought much of it. Why would he? He probably thought you were a normal human being who wouldn’t have such issues with physical touch, you thought bitterly.

“I’m so sorry,” he had apologized the second you stepped back, looking disappointed and ashamed at the same time. “I just-- I thought… that maybe we…”

“N-no, it’s not that.” You quickly cut him off, shaking your head. You knew what he was going to say, and he was right. You had felt something between the two of you for a while now, but it had escalated during the time you shared together alone, living together and doing what you could to help the people around you. “I just… I need time. I’m sorry.” He had nodded his head immediately, taking a step back himself. “Of course. I don’t want to rush this at all, Y/N. I know how I feel for you and it makes me happy in itself that something could happen between us one day. So take as much time as you need. Okay?”

As usual, he had been his perfect, gentlemanly self ever since. He was patient. If he sensed discomfort even from the mere proximity between your bodies on the couch, he scooted aside. When he saw your body stiffen upon a stranger placing his hand on your back to get by you in a crowded street, he walked close to you to make sure no one else came near you, while maintaining an appropriate distance himself. Somehow, without you even having to say anything, he understood that it was difficult for you to act upon the urge of physical touch, or to even receive it. 

And yet you definitely felt those urges, despite your anxiety about it. You couldn’t even count the nights you had dreaming about curling up close to Steve’s side, or even thinking of small actions like him squeezing your hand tight as a gesture of comfort or casually placing an arm around your shoulders while watching a movie. When his fingers brushed against your own on accident when he took your empty glass to place in the sink, you felt electricity. You were starting to become more and more frustrated with yourself. If you wanted it so bad, why wasn’t your mind letting you go through with it? You could envision a perfect fantasy of the two of you sharing a passionate, romantic kiss, and yet when he had tried to make that fantasy come to life you had acted as though he were trying to poison you. 

It took time, but it got better. Soon, you were scooting closer to him on the couch, experimenting with the mere feeling of your thighs touching his. It seemed insignificant, but for you, it was a big step. From there, letting him hold your hand for a few moments every now and then. Whether it be while watching something on TV, while the two of you were reading, or even while he was driving. His touches were becoming almost addictive despite how fleeting they were. You loved how large his hands were in comparison to your own and you wished you had the courage to reach out for them yourself. Instead of having anxiety about him touching you at all, you were anxious waiting for him to touch you; you were starting to crave it and yet you could not find the strength to tell him that. 

Then came one day he wanted to watch a movie with you. You gladly obliged, heart racing like a schoolgirl with a crush when he sat down close to you, one hand holding a freshly hot microwavable bag of popcorn and the other managing to hold two cans of Coke. Your eyes may have been on the screen, but you weren’t watching. No, all you could think about was Steve sitting inches away from you, how secure you would feel under one of those bulging, muscular arms, the warmth of his lips against yours….

‘For God’s sake, Y/N, you could make a move. He’s made it clear that he likes you, he wouldn’t reject you.’ However, it wasn’t rejection you were afraid of. It was that damn anxiety that came with physical contact, and yet your body wanted to keep reminding you how deprived you were of it. What was up with that? You tried to push all of your thoughts away, doing your best to actually watch the movie; you felt bad seeing Steve so invested while you were here driving yourself crazy. 

And then you ended up falling asleep, which was arguably worse. 

However, when you woke up, you were shocked to find your head laying on Steve’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around you and his fingers grazing across your back. Upon carefully tilting your head up, you saw that his own eyes were closed, his blond head tilted towards you in as much of a resting position as he could get in. Your eyes flickered to the black screen, wondering how long the movie had been finished for-- had Steve stayed in this semi uncomfortable position just for you? You looked back up towards him, your heart skipping a beat. Everything about this felt so perfect, so warm… 

He suddenly opened his eyes, blinking before looking down at you. “Oh,” he mumbled as he began to adjust himself, lifting his arm. “I didn’t mean-”

You cut him off, suddenly taking a light hold of his face as you leaned in and kissed him, deciding in one split second to overcome all of your biggest fears. Not even five seconds in and you were already convinced this decision was the best one you had ever made. He was clearly surprised but certainly not complaining; one large hand framed the side of your face as he moved his lips perfectly against yours, turning to face you more properly and pull you closer to his body. 

You pulled back after a few moments but kept your face close to his, looking up into his blue eyes. He searched your own hues, a smile slowly crossing his lips. “I… wasn’t expecting that, but I can’t say I’m not in heaven right now,” he told you in his handsome low voice, and you couldn’t help but giggle. “I don’t want to keep being scared with you,” you whispered, biting your lip as you slowly lifted your hand to experiment playing with his short blond hair. You weren’t used to casual touches like this, but you wanted to be. “I know you’re not the problem. It’s just me and all this weird anxiety, I don’t even know why I feel this way. But… I don’t want to let it win.”

He smiled widely and gently moved in to kiss your cheek. “We can still take it as slow as you’d like, sweetheart. No rush, no pressure. You’re worth waiting for, Y/N, and besides, a relationship shouldn’t be all about the physical stuff. There’s so much more.” You smiled, touched that he seemed to understand so well. You allowed yourself to lean into his body, a little blissful sigh even escaping your lips upon feeling his arm wrap securely around you. You had expected it to feel awkward, but instead it was as if you fit perfectly into his frame, the two of you as comfortable together as ever. He lowered his head to press a kiss to your hair, mumbling, “Thank you for opening yourself up to me, Y/N. That means more than you’ll ever know.” 

You didn’t even need the TV on anymore. You spent the next hour or so cuddling and talking, going into deep conversations about your past and your personal experiences. His arm remained around you, sometimes his other one joining to give you a loving squeeze at random times, his lips occasionally pressing upon your forehead, nose, and lips. It felt so easy, so right-- why had you been so scared before? You hadn’t even noticed that the two of you had started moving your bodies lower and lower until you were fully lying down on the couch together, bodies pressed close and faces inches apart. You couldn’t help but kiss him again, excited with your new ability to take initiative, but appreciative that he remained gentle and loving with his kisses instead of attempting to take it even further. 

It wasn’t long before the two of you eventually drifted off to sleep once again, legs intertwined due to the small space and chests lightly heaving in peaceful breaths. You had a feeling you’d be sleeping with the same peace and content for a while from now on.

[scoundrels-in-love]

Did you slip in through open doors and sit down, just to look at me like that (every day) | Chapter 2 - Jaime I

Brienne doesn’t mean to lie to her father. She just wants him to stop trying to set her up with men who aren’t Jaime Lannister, whom she’s secretly in love with. Unfortunately, that’s exactly who eagerly inserts himself in the narrative as her fake boyfriend. And her father is coming to King’s Landing in two weeks.

Truly, what could go wrong?

Also on AO3. Still part of @jbmonthlymadness Mutual Pining March.

He is so, so fucked.

Not quite the same way he thought a week ago, but still very much fucked.

Jaime glances over to where Brienne is watching a game on the couch for what feels like the hundredth time this half hour. While that itself isn’t unusual, everything else is. Tenseness in her shoulders he isn’t sure he will lure out with a stupid joke and then slay with even worse one, the way they’ve barely spoken to each other today and that his heart is being harshly kneaded by some huge, clawed animal. He’d say it’s a lion, but considering his House that feels just a little cliche .

Though, according to Elia, he is a walking cliche and a terribly executed one, at that. He sighs, realizes that the beer bottle really isn’t where he’s blindly grabbing for it, and averts his gaze from his fake girlfriend. There is exactly one word too many in that title and it’s neither girl or friend. If only he could convince Brienne of the same.

Jaime has tried , he really has. Gotten up earlier to make sure he can prepare her coffee and go on a jog with her, kissed her goodbye on the cheek, pestered her into having a lunch during work hours and ordered takeout to arrive just after she got home the days he knew he’d be home even later than her, sent her obscure memes about animals he found on some nature activist group on Raventome that he frankly didn’t get but hoped she would and have a good laugh between work and more.

Granted, he does all these things regularly anyway (except the cheek kisses, but he isn’t sure they’re as much of a highlight of the day for her as they are for him), but now it’s daily. And it’s not a bother, like Brienne tries to convince him to think, and Jaime would gladly do it for the rest of the foreseeable future. Even waking an hour earlier, although he likes to think that if they were properly dating, he’d persuade her to explore other workouts they could do in the time without leaving the house.

Elia suggested it’s because she’s stressed about the convention, but Jaime knows better. (“Of course you do, that’s why you suggested to be her fake boyfriend instead of telling her you’ve been head over heels for her for years now.”) No, Brienne’s work has nothing to do with the skittishness in her eyes, the way she freezes when he presses lips to her delightfully reddening cheek, sometimes daring to brush corner of her mouth or lingering a second too long because her proximity makes him a little dizzy, or stumbles over conversations topics as if they are larger than boulders she can easily best when hiking. She doesn’t even shut down his flirtations anymore - instead she looks away and mumbles something or trips into the next topic.

Their new arrangement is the cause, and the realization has been rolling toward him like a house sized morning star down a gentle slope.

“Jaime? Movie’s starting,” subject of his sweet agony and worry calls out and Jaime realizes he has quite literally spaced out. And that perhaps his inner narrator is going a little overboard. Elia would have another laughing fit if she knew.

He grabs the snacks and another beer and presents them to her with a smile, falls heavily in his spot that earns a little bit of glare from Brienne because, of course, she’s concerned for the springs and one of these days he will tell her he can think of more interesting things to wreck their couch with. ‘One of these days’ feels like an awful stretch and ‘a mountainclimb later’ sort of thing, though. He heaves a sigh.

“Everything alright, Jaime?” she asks and he looks at her, armed with a bright smile and an easy no, when they crumble faced with concern that colors the blue of her eyes deeper, yet gilded shade like the last glimpse of sunset paints the sea. Of course Brienne finds time to worry about him, despite seemingly thinking she’s standing between two cannons labelled ‘work’ and ‘fake boyfriend’, ready to shoot.

He wants to pull her close and press a kiss to her furrowed brow so much he can physically feel an alternate reality, one where he’s braver and does just that, manifest.

Unfortunately, in this one Jaime only laughs and plops his head in her lap, facing the TV. “Of course I am, B. But if you’re so worried, you can always pet my head and tell me it’s going to be alright.” He likes it when she says that, the way she sets her jaw mulishly and seems to simply talk it into existence with sheer willpower and kindness. But never for herself, only others.

Brienne stills for a moment, then, much to his relief, makes indigant noise and pushes at his shoulder slightly but with no real force. “I’m not a cushion, Jaime” she tells him and he shifts just so he can grin up at her.

“C’mon, I’ve been a good boyfriend this week, have I not earned one lap cushion coupon? I must use it before it expires.”

“ Fake boyfriend,” she says seriously and Jaime looks at the screen again so she can’t witness his grin shattering like the window of Casterly Rock’s kitchen when he had been six and too eager while playing ball. He might feel even more chastised than after the lecture Tywin had given him, which had left a stone grinding sharp edge in his gut for a week.

“Fine, but I am not going to pet your head. You are not an overgrown housecat, no matter how much you may act as one,” Brienne relents, but by the end of the movie, she brushes back a strand he has shaken into his eyes and halfway through the second movie, she actually runs her hand through his hair and he barely manages to remain still, instead of following her hand like foam graces a wave’s edge.

All things considered, Jaime feels re-energized for the next week and his little war campaign on Brienne’s heart. He likes to think of it as war, though she is not a thing to conquer despite her truly formidable walls, just to trounce the narrative she has set for herself.

Once, before that fatefully shitty night when a pipe in his first own apartment burst and Brienne had invited him to stay over until it was fixed (and then he never really left), they had talked about who they would be in Targaryen and Stark eras, both revealing their dreams about knighthood.

Already knowing her love for ridiculous, historical(ly inaccurate) romance novels, he had joked if she’d not like ballads written about her instead, but Brienne’s face had shuttered and she had reminded him that no one would go to war for her . “I would rather defend the innocent and fight than stay home a sad and unmarried maid,” she had concluded, before going off about Blue Knight and other warrior women of Tarth. Jaime had already known back then that in any lifetime she’d be worthy of many great songs - of love and otherwise. But the bridge of their friendship was tentative still and he had had no intentions of being the one to lay the siege on her heart.

And when he had wanted to, he had already been so deep in the annoying, best friend role and still so utterly not having his shit together he didn’t feel he had the right to start the march. Someone better would surely come along. Except no one has, three years later still, and Brienne seems to think it’s a sign she only deserves a photoshopped suit-hanger and Jaime would rather be pierced endlessly by her glowering and risk her friendship that he treasures above anything he has ever known, than passively let her continue believing that.

For now, he’s only dying because of work, as they are currently quite swamped. It doesn’t help at all that his brain is a little (or a whole lot, but who’s counting) occupied with various Romance-Brienne-So-Hard-She-Doesn’t-Know-What-Hit-Her strategies. His plans for Friday come to immediate stop when he arrives home and finds Brienne fallen asleep at the kitchen table, her laptop’s screensaver of pixelated Kingslayer and Blue Knight from their favorite cartoon bouncing around the screen. He had installed it the first week of living here and despite her initial grumbling, she has never changed or disabled it.

This would be easier if Brienne’s one quirk when working at home wasn’t changing her workspace every few hours, as if it helps her think. It’s one of her most restless habits and typically, Jaime finds it adorable, but now that he has to haul half-asleep Brienne to her room he… Who is kidding, he also finds it endearing.

“Jaime, I can walk,” she scoffs, but leans on him anyway and when he helps her lay down on the bed, her eyes are soft and a little dazed and he thinks of early spring mornings, when nothing but the birds and clouds are awake yet, against the blueness of the sky.

Brienne curls up and he pulls a blanket over her and she gives him a sleepy smile, so warm that the consistent pull toward her feels anchored to the sun itself. He follows it and leans down and presses lips to her forehead. She exhales softly and when he pulls back, her eyes are closed, but there’s an almost sad turn to her lips.

“I really don’t want this to end, Jaime.” Her voice is so quiet he almost doesn’t hear - he wouldn’t if he wasn’t so close. His heart does an odd thing in his chest, something that would make it more of a rope dancer than a lion leaping through a ring of fire.

Jaime brushes a strand of her hair back, gently, in an attempt to reassure what odd fear has burrowed into her heart. He shouldn’t be so happy every time Brienne expresses she doesn’t want to lose him, but even her brilliant light can’t erase generations of carefully cultivated selfishness. “It doesn’t have to.”

“But it will.” And then she nuzzles deeper in the pillow and he knows this is a conversation to be finished (or maybe repeated) when she’s actually awake. Quietly, he walks out of the room and when the door has shut gently, bounces toward the living room with a grin that everyone would tell him begs for a punch.

There is hope for him yet.

[tarithenurse]

Valentine’s Fool

Pairing: Sam Wilson x fem!reader Content: All the Fake Dating tropes as well as smut (don’t be a fool, wrap the tool), and some fluff. And cussing. A/N: I never celebrate Valentines, but that shouldn’t stop a good one-shot. Enjoy! 

I should have known it would backfire! Stomping back and forth in the cramped space of the elevator, you barely notice the door opening let alone whoever you march past (accidentally shouldering them) when you hurry to get out before it is too late. Crapcrapcrap.

The hallway is comparable with a long tunnel without discerning details – a fact you logically know not to be true. The boom of the door to your quarters closing is reduced to a soft thud…unfortunately echoed moments later when Sam bursts in.

…   Flashback   …

”ExCUSE ME?!” The words were hurled at you echoing through the kitchen.

Rounding on him, your fists were balled tightly. ”Excuse you? Excuse YOU?” At least he backed up a tiny bit. ”You want me to pretend to be your DATE?! No. Scratch that…your part of a DOUBLE date?”

Having been friends for half a decade, it should not have come as a surprise that Sam had talked himself right into trouble of the most embarrassing kind. Steve, Bucky and you had saved his ass more than once though he rarely got any of you involved before giving some kind of warning. So yeah, of course there was more to it. It was obvious the moment he shuffled the feet, suddenly more interested in the floor than the argument.

“Well…” he mumbled, “I might’ve told my coisin we’re…steady.”

“And then y’wonder why’m NOT won over by the promise of CAKE?”

“It’s the b–“

“I DON’T CARE what sorta cake it is!”

He still managed to slip out “triple-brownie caramel”, and while you might not have cared, your stomach was certainly paying attention all of a sudden. Should’ve had a snack after training. He sensed the shift within you –used to dealing with two super soldier’s food urges – gently nudging the flaring cravings by describing every single detail until drool started to fill your mouth faster than you wanted to swallow.

In the end, he managed to convince you after promising to owing all of two favours – no questions asked.

…

You arrived early on Valetine’s day, bringing a backpack full of random personal belongings and a few real and photoshopped pictures: all of it a part of the elaborate cover story that you, idiotically, had accepted to adhere to. In some twisted way, that was the easiest part because of the many missions in the name of the Avengers. This is too personal, but you would be damned if you gave up now and let down Sam…and miss out on the cake.

…

Everything was pretty much perfect with the setup making the two of you look like a couple sharing places randomly but often, and of course Sam’s cousin (Kaylah) was brilliant and her girlfriend funny. What could have been a tedious evening evolved into something closer to second nature with the only difference being the physical proximity of Sam though small touches and handholding.

There was nothing strange about it, actually. You got physical with Sam (and other Avengers) on a daily basis due to sparring, and movie nights often included semi-wrestling for the good spot on the couch (plus if the movie was boring, people would fall asleep more or less on each other).

“Jeez,” Kaylah admonished Sam, quickly stealing the glass with the last bit of white wine from him and passing it to you, “you gotta learn to share, man.”

Agreeing with her, you winked at the wineless guy. “That’s what I try to tell him…but really he ain’t all bad.”

“Bloody hope not! I taught him ev’rythin’ about datin’ and stuff.”

Kaylah’s girlfriend turned around with terror on her face, making you sober up until: “Oh, I’m so so sorry, sweetie [Y/N]! How did y’ever get this far??”

“Haar haar!” The couple bickered lovingly back and forth, while you enjoyed a chance to usher Sam to the kitchen for more to drink for all of you.

Yes, no hitches in the plan.

Not until Sam (tailed by his cousin) had to squeeze past you in the kitchen, his fingers curling around your hipbone…and it ignited something within, making you sigh a little to audibly. Next thing you knew, the two other women were peeking around the corner (“discreetly”, according to their wine-laced minds) to spy on Sam kissing you.

It was not that you had to kiss to keep a cover. It was not even the fact that it was Sam Freaking Wilson, one of your best friends.

No.

The thing that caught you by surprise was how right it felt as the pretend kiss developed, drawing him closer to you or vice versa. Your little moan, which he swallowed so neatly, did not even register until he pulled away with that soft look in his eyes.

 …   Now   …

“What’s goin’ on? All rest of th’evenin’ t’was like Antarctica sittin’ next to ya! Gotta talk to me, sugar.” The nickname is far from strategic unless his hope is to shut you up instead.

You recover from fish-mode, finding the use of your voice once more. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought it’d be better to cool things down b’fore your cous’ dared you to go further!”

I’m behaving like a teenager! But the little logical voice in your mind is drowned out by the turmoil that is making your knees weak and pushing your heart to beat like you have run a mile. Sam is your friend. He has been for ages and has never ever made a move to indicate that he would be interested in more than a platonic relationship, so it is uncalled for that your body or hormones suddenly want more. Need to get my head straight.

Where you cannot think, the man before you seems plenty capable of it. “Yeah. She dared me…didn’t hear ya complain, though.”

“Wh-…that’s a low blow even for you, Wilson.”

“Maybe, but tell me I’m wrong, then,” he insists, confidently stepping closer, “tell me ya didn’t feel anythin’…t’was just me?”

He has got you against the window, but you are still searching for an answer when his words register with you, playing on a loop until it is certain you heard right.

It is like seeing him in a new light, finally unveiled with every subtle detail on display: the slight gap between the front teeth which is nothing short of perfection because it adds a boyish charm to his smiles; the searching flicker in those warm, dark eyes boring into your soul.

“C’mon, babe…I didn’t just ask ya to help me ‘cause ya like cake…”

“…was a good cake…”

“I can get ya somethin’ better if you’ll let me.”

Hot hands have found yours, skin caressing skin and sending little sparks of comfort with the rush of blood to nestle in your chest, and though your heart still is galloping it is not because of anger anymore. Sam is a hair’s width away. You can smell the coffee on his breath that he had with the triple-brownie caramel cake – both dessert and lips delicious as sin according to your experience. It is impossible to glance at the lopsided smirk and not want to enjoy the gentle greed of his mouth in action one more time.

You do not know when you began nibbling on your lower lip, you just know that he pulls it free from your teeth with the soft brush of a thumb before holding you close enough to feel his heartbeat mix with your own. Wild and passionate. In contrast, the kiss is hesitant as if he is afraid of rejection even now. Or to give me a chance to back out? There is no going back. The bridge is crossed and ablaze, and you are ready to dance in the scorching heat.

“Don’t hold back, please,” you mumble against his lips, moulding against him with a firm grip of his neck and a satisfying squeeze to his butt. What an ass!

As the dam finally bursts, any and all indecision are swept away to make room for pure lust. Sam’s hands are everywhere though favouring your hips in an effort to create friction between your pelvises where an increasingly prominent bulge calls for attention without getting any. Not yet. You are both too busy exploring the reactions conjured by increasingly slobby kisses anywhere with access to skin – so caught up that you barely register when Sam moves you until your calves hit the bed and you tumble onto it. He is out of breath (just like you) with swollen lips and heavy lidded eyes that only let go of you the few seconds it takes to pull the shirt over his head.

Hot damn.

Oh, you have seen him shirtless before and even admitted to yourself then how good looking he is. Gorgeous and off limits – just like all your teammates. Knowing that this time Sam is all yours to touch and adore? It is overwhelming and sends sweet waves of heated impatience to your core. Sitting up, he is only out of reach until grabby hands and a pout has done the job to bring him to stand between your knees.

Rapid fingers manage to make short work of the belt and zipper before he stops you. The roguish charm will be the end of you some day, but you feel more alive than ever as he takes over and removes your shirt before his jeans. A quick lift and shove sends you properly sprawled out on the bed and you obediently lift your hips so he can pull down the skirt and pantyhose in one go.

“Daymn, your sexy too!”

“Is that your way of fishing for a compliment, Wilson?”

Surprise flickers before laughter takes over. “Feel free to shower me with ya sweet words…but I did mean you.” Sam has taken to kiss and caress his way up your legs, giving you a generous view to the flex of his back muscles. “Smart,” he punctuates with a soft bite to the inner thigh, “funny,” once more he pauses, “strong,” this time he has reached the fabric of your underwear and kisses your pussy through it, “everythin’…and fuckin’ gorgeous too.”

The heat, which has been centered around your core, spreads to your face at the sound of the adoring words. Any reciprocating compliment is halted as Sam surges up to reclaim your lips, and amidst dazzling tongue action and teasing bites he tells you, no…begs you, to just accept the praises because “this is all about you, sugar”.

Your friend/lover/partner/boyfriend takes his time to explore all of your body and remove the last bit of clothing, turning you lazily around to trace the length of your spine or seat you in his lap while his cock nestles between the folds until you moan in delirious anticipation. By the time he finally aligns with your craving pussy, Sam hands have massaged their right into every cell of you – traced it onto your clit with his tongue.

“Yeah?” It is a whisper against your throat.

“Yes,” you confirm, already anchored to him with bruising grips. Oh, yes please!

With all of his attention tuned in to your reactions, the gentle lover eases his cock in as he takes time for both of you to adjust before the game of learning continues. Each of you chase the keening sounds of the other as bodies find a common rhythm and soon, surprisingly so, the coil in your core snaps to release waves of pleasure.

A guttural groan escapes Sam, “Oh, fu-uck!” You can barely feel through your own high how he stutters, face buried in the crook of your shoulder. “Damn, princess…”

When he resurfaces to meet your gaze moments later, you can see a hint of chagrin in his eyes.

“You’re amazing!” You do not give him time to protest. “It’s hard to ‘magine round two’s going to be even better now the pent up need’s blown.”

Sam’s crooked smirk is back in a second. “I’m sure we can beat all records, sugar.”

[cheryls-blossomed]

They mischaracterize Cait as sweet and supportive bcs those are character traits of Iris. They hate that Iris is a sweet character bcs then they can't hate on her, so they mischaracterize Iris and transplant her best traits onto Cait. I've seen ppl say Iris is always pessimistic and dismissive of Barry (when she's a serial optimist) but Cait's constant badgering of him is somehow supportive, and it's honestly just funny at this point bcs of how wildly wrong they are to fit their narrative (1/2)

(2/2) It all comes down to their pathetic self-inserting. I get representation bcs ppl should see people who look like them on screen, but liking a character should not be contingent on whether they look/act like you and that's all these ppl want. Some WA fans self-insert with Iris, but most just like her character and the ship. Nearly all SB fans are white girls/fanboys who either want the white guy bcs hot or want the white girl bcs hot and can't handle that they didn't get their way.

With SBs and fanboys, what it comes down to is racism and so the language that they use to describe Iris not only completely and utterly mischaracterizes her, but also is steeped in misogynoir. Anna Diop was speaking about this today in her interview with Ashley for WhereIsTheBuzz, and she said that the spaces that she, Candice, and Azie occupy anger these racist fans so much, because they believe Black women don’t deserve to be leading ladies in television shows with white heroes, because to these racist fans, these are spaces which only belong to white people. That’s why the racism in The Flash fandom and the Titans fandom is so violently vitriolic. 

Caitlin is mischaracterized by so many in her so-called fandom, and traits which are Iris’s are constantly attributed to Caitlin by her own so-called fandom, and her fandom will whine about Iris’s scenes and story-lines, but then photoshop Caitlin into her scenes, especially Iris’s scenes with Barry. And it’s solely because Caitlin is the most proximate white woman to Barry. That’s it. None of these people really care a lick about who Caitlin actually is; if they did, they’d probably be advocating for her own arcs to actually make sense, without whining about what Iris has and whining even more that Caitlin deserves what Iris has. You know it makes no sense when they say that Iris is unsupportive, but Caitlin benching Barry, because she deems him highly emotional, when she she should know (if she knows Barry half as well as her fandom claims she does) that he cannot handle feeling useless, and so he goes to the mirror doppelgänger of his wife, who uses Iris’s memories and thoughts and feelings not only to inspire Barry to defeat Sunshine without his powers, but also reminds him that emotions are actually his strength, which is how he manages to exorcise Thawne from Nash... is apparently not indicative of anything about any character involved, at least according to her own fandom. 

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

The Fallen, 17/17

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 17/17.

Pairings: Nine x Rose.

A/N: Tagging @thebookster on her demand.

“We've all fallen, but at the same time we're not broken. There is the hint that we are going to get up again.” - Amy Lee.

CHAPTER 17:

Jeremy would never know it. Nash had promised herself to never let him find out about this secret of hers. He had never interrogated her again after finding out Maxence’s absence in the institute. He probably thought that it was useless since she didn’t know anything. It was a precaution for herself and for the people she cared about. She had planned it all during Jeremy’s absence. It had been a unique chance. They wouldn’t have had another chance so she quickly had built a plan and executed it. In that green room where she had pretended to do tests on him, she had had a serious chat with the Bad Wolf. She had gone straight to the point: The Wolf had to lock away all the memories of itself and the Doctor to free Maxence from their consciousness. As if they had never existed. As if Maxence had never been the Doctor. Obviously, her memories of the three of them had to be locked away too. Only then did she help Maxence through a secret passage, an order implanted in her mind forgotten as soon as it was over. However, there was something else. Something she hadn’t seen or planned. She soon realised it had become a habit in her daily routine only months after Maxence had flown. The Wolf had set an automatism in her mind so she was always checking on its human host unconsciously. As it was a goal she was accomplishing without actually thinking of it, it left no real memory or thought in her mind. No memory or thought she could think of consciously and draw Jeremy’s attention. It was a clever trick. She didn’t have to worry about Maxence because she knew deep down in herself that he was doing okay, that he was safe, and she could also intervene in his life to continue helping him. That’s how he had met the doctor Anna Lewis who shared a similar secret with him: she had once been the Doctor and all the memories from that time had been locked away by the Time Lord themselves… a method that had proved to have flaws since the humans’ consciousness were constantly trying to figure out the blur around their life when they had been the Doctor. Since Nash couldn’t help him, she had found someone else who would be able to. Better: The Wolf had found her so they could help each other with their madness that wasn’t madness. One was dealing with it better than the other, and this was why Anna had been chosen to help Maxence with the words on his skin, the voices in his head when he was between two states of consciousness like between sleep and waking up, between awake and falling asleep, like being too relaxed after a good moment. He hadn’t talked about those voices to anyone but Anna and she hadn’t sent him to a room in the psychiatric ward. She was just writing down what he was telling her, discussing with him of what it could be meaning but none of them could find an answer. It didn’t matter in the end, just being able to speak about this to someone who didn’t consider him to be crazy was enough for Maxence. Tegan was still rejecting the idea of him not being responsible for the words cuts in his skin and Joanne didn’t know where to stand. Through Anna’s eyes, Nash watched Maxence live his life and be happy. It was all she had ever wanted for him and she was glad – and relieved – to see him following this path. Over the months they followed the apparition of the first word, him and his brother reconciled. None could stay away from the other for too long. Despite being an adopted child, Tegan was well loved. Blood meant nothing to this family – just the case Jeremy Backfire was a huge indicator of this truth – and Tegan was a Spitz as much as Maxence and Joanne. He was wearing the name on his official papers but was using Tegan Smith at work. No one could explain why he was doing this, no one ever questioned him either. It was respect for his choices. The man owed explanations to no one for what he did, and he was of a huge help for Maxence who was overworking himself between his half-time job, his studies and his work placements. Even if they hadn’t followed the same path, they were both in the medical field. Fate probably was what pushed Maxence to pick a course of psychology. The months turned to years. Maxence never cease to be psychologically followed by Anna Lewis. Both of them were sinking in a madness no other being than them could understand. It was born and amplified by their proximity. The presence of two Doctors’ consciousness locked in two human minds reacting to the presence of the Wolf stuck in one of these very minds. It was tingling the back of their minds, triggering their consciousness, making them aware that they weren’t alone in that head of theirs. It was something the Time Lords hadn’t thought of when they decided to steal human bodies and make them extraordinary before wiping everything away from their accessible memory. They hadn’t taken into consideration that maybe, maybe!, those humans would evolve quicker after being exposed to the great biology and intelligence of a superior race. That was what was happening with Maxence and Anna, both pushed to their human limits by the presence of a powerful entity. An entity that couldn’t be shut down and locked away easily. It would come out now and then whenever the host was losing his temper. Having a second personality made them unstable, and mood swings could trigger the Wolf and force it out, much to the host and their surroundings’ confusion. Maxence had fully awoken the Wolf a couple of times. He was having terrible migraines and anger issues. His fits were getting out of control and his family often had to deal with this Maxence who wasn’t really Maxence. Tegan had stopped pretending that it was all bullshit after witnessing this second personality, this thing inside his brother’s body, talk and act like it did. Deep inside him, he believed in supernatural stuff. When he had been missing, something happened to him, something that turned him into this frightening double person. It could have been a case of schizophrenia or bipolarity or anything like this but Tegan was convinced that someone else was living inside his brother’s body. Two souls for one corporeal shell. And one of those souls was called Bad Wolf and was feeding from all the negative vibes around it to gain some strengths back after using it all to erase Maxence’s memory. Then, Maxence would reappear and be oblivious of what had just occurred. He had no idea of what was living in his mind; his family chose to keep it hidden from him. For now. Joanne was quick to see the link between the letters Maxence used to write when he was high on drugs or alcohol or both at the same time. She had read all those letters and hidden them in a small wooden box that she was keeping away from Maxence. She had thought it was a brilliant masterpiece from a sick mind who could have been published later when the man would be better. Now that he was healed from his addiction and back to the person he was before he went missing, now that she knew that all she had read was the truth, she was certain that these letters had to remained a secret, that Maxence should never find them and remember who he had been for a year. The Doctor. Tegan had looked up to find something on this alien stealing bodies without getting noticed but couldn’t find anything else but old pictures that have been photoshopped and the website of a nutter who died years ago during an obscure night no one could really remember. In the meanwhile, Joanne was looking for the Rose Maxence had been writing to. Just like Jeremy, she had quickly found out that it was Rose Tyler, an estate girl who had gone missing around the same time as her son, daughter of Jackie Tyler and of the late Pete Tyler who died in a car accident long before Joanne moved to London. The story of this family was sad enough and she would be adding more to it with the information she had gotten from the letters. If Rose Tyler wasn’t with the new Doctor, she was in danger. But if she had been with that new Doctor, he would have fixed this for her and come back to fix Maxence too. It meant that the body thief didn’t know anything of the damages he had caused on his path. Or he simply didn’t care. But how could a man fall helplessly in love with a woman and leave her to die right after? Had Maxence been the only one to fall for her? Or had the Doctor fallen for her too? The letters suggested that it was the Doctor. Maxence had no memories of a Rose Tyler, and he was soon enough infatuated by another woman. Tegan was the first one to meet Jackie Tyler, and this meeting was explosive. She nearly threw herself to his throat and yelled that if she was to see him ever again around the Powell Estates, she would destroy him as well as he had destroyed her little girl. She called him names, screamed insanities and he could never explain to her that he wasn’t who she thought he was – who could it be? He never had met a Tyler before and he swore that he never had any twin. Their second meeting was more brutal: before he could say a thing her fist connected with his jaw and she accused him of being a jerk among other things. Tegan supposed the new Doctor looked like him somehow. He couldn’t have been the Doctor himself. He had no memory gap and hadn’t been missing in all his life, but Jackie Tyler thought he was playing a trick on her to get closer to her daughter Rose that he had apparently abandoned behind after she saved his life from death, forcing him to steal a new body. They were lucky to even have gotten Maxence back if this was all true. While his mother and brother were teaming up to find a way to tell Jackie Tyler that her daughter was in danger, and that they needed the Doctor back on Earth to help them – who could call him if not someone who had travelled with him? – Maxence was quietly continuing his little life and succeeding in his studies year after year. His family was proud of him, and so was a particular neighbour of his. Donna Noble was a teacher in the school Joanne was teaching in and after the night’s incident that had seen her driving Maxence to the hospital, she had grown closer to the family, and to Maxence. They became good friends, best friends, and finally they moved in together in his flat after Tegan found one of his own. He didn’t know the danger there was to date this woman, but the Wolf was, and it had formally told both Joanne and Tegan to never say a word about the Doctor in front of her. This woman also had an history with the man, and it would be lethal to her if she ever remembered. The Time Lord had made a mess of their lives and Tegan truly hated him for that.

>br>

x

>br>

“What is the news?” >br> Over the year, Maya had grown so nervous that it had pushed her to the edge and she was adopting her former attitude of a cold-hearted assassin to be able to keep working with Jeremy Backfire. He was holding her husband and her brother as hostages in one of his cells. He had promised to not lay a harmful hand on them unless she gave him a reason to but she was convinced this man wouldn’t keep his word. He had shapeshifters by hand, shapeshifters with Gallifreyan genes should she say. He wouldn’t resist the opportunity to study them like he did with all the aliens’ species he had down there. He had done this on Maxence, on Nash, and on herself. What was stopping him from experiencing on a couple others? The return to her Quiston training had been easily done. Stay calm, feel nothing, do what you were told. This had given her the huge ‘benefit’ to be promoted downstairs with Nash. They were pretending not to know each other, and Maya was strictly forbidden from approaching certain ‘patients’. The punishment would be terrible. >br> “The Doctor’s not particularly discreet but his attention is never focused on us. Backfire must have done something to keep curious from becoming too interested on what he’s doing in Peckham.” >br> They were both sat around the table of a coffee shop in a town far, far away from London, where Jeremy wouldn’t be able to find them. They never picked the same town whenever they had to talk, and were avoiding seeing each other at their own places. Jeremy had to ignore about their relationship. It was already a wonder that he hadn’t made the connection, that he thought Maya was different from Nash, from Oliver, from Alex who all belonged to Quiston. If Nash knew about them because they were of the same organization, how could someone who was married to one of them and blood-related to another ignore about their allegiance? Sometimes he was less clever than he thought he was. >br> “He’s got Oliver and Alex, Nash. Any second counts for them. Who knows what he’s doing to them? I can’t handle this any longer. We have to free them.” “And how do we do that? None of us has access to their cells. We don’t even know if he’s really keeping them in the building or if he has transferred there somewhere else. We’ve lost all contact with them. We cannot know for sure where they are unless we got Backfire to talk, and he’s not particularly easy to coax.” “You said you had good news,” grumbled Maya. “I have. I hate myself for this, but I did what I had to do. We need to bring Maxence back and to force the Doctor in him to resurface. If we can’t get the actual Doctor, we can call the only one we’ve met around here.” “I thought it would kill him.” “I thought both the humans hosting a part of the Wolf would be dead by now, but they’re not for some reasons. And we don’t have much of a choice, do we?” “What’s the plan, then?” “I’ve already started. I have found Rose Tyler. She wasn’t aware of what was sleeping in her mind until recently and her mother didn’t know what to do anymore with her. She’s become uncontrollable. I’ve convinced her mother that it would be for the best to entrust her daughter to us. After all, we’re specialised in those strange cases. I had her admitted under a false name and placed her in a room upstairs. But Jeremy won’t be long to find out what I’ve done.” >br> It hadn’t been long to convinced the exhausted Jackie Tyler that it would be for the best if her daughter was entrusted to the doctor Nash Grieve who could understand and help her with her troubles. She had had another case a few years earlier – she hadn’t gone into details, professional secret – and had managed to save him and lead him back on the tracks of a normal life with his family. Jackie Tyler had been distrustful like every single mother who had raised a daughter alone in the Estates could be but she had finally given in and told them where they could meet for Rose to be taken to this cheap institute that happened to be close to their home so she could visit her daughter every day if she wanted. It had been all cries and screams and Nash had felt her old immortal heart break at the sight of his young woman they were taking away from her own family for her ‘own good’. She wouldn’t believe that it was for her own good. Maybe had she felt what was gonna happen to her in this place, and Nash couldn’t have blamed her for being terrified. Jeremy quickly figured out that Nash had found the second part of the Wolf and had admitted her in his hospital. He had been even quicker to move her down to one of those cells where she became his new obsession and new subject of experiences. The woman was stronger than she looked though, she never answered any of his questions. Instead, she handled the torture, withdrew into herself and became wilder and wilder as the time passed by. They were treating her like an animal, refusing her the visits and good cares she had been promised, and so, she was reacting like an animal, an animal who was stuck in a terrible trap and couldn’t get out on her own. Nash were on charge of her and she hated herself for being so cruel to a human being she had said she would help. Deprived from her ability of helping people and being forced to cruelty, she was falling back into her Quiston cold-hearted assassin attitude too and forgetting that she could be good. Her last good action before she was totally caught in this infernal spiral again, before she lost all her will to be good and feel emotions, was to call the doctor Maxence Spitz on the day he officially graduated and reached the noble status of psychiatrist.

The End

The Fallen © | 2019 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

← Last

English version:

AO3 || TS.

[saucerfulofsins]

I got tagged by @avengersaremyforte and @kkane88 forever ago... Guess I was busy? (...no, I wasn’t, unless ‘busy sleeping’ counts). Name: Nate

Zodiac: Scorpio

Favorite musicians or bands: The National, Frightened Rabbit, Death Cab for Cutie, Pink Floyd and the Beatles.There are more but those are the bands I have continued to return to for the past 15 years. 

Favorite sports team: The Hawks, I guess? You know, I didn’t think I would be but then I watched a Stars-Hawks game a few weeks back and yeah. Anyway, I grew up being invested more in speed skating than in team sports, so team support was never a thing for me. Other than that I’ve only ever gone by factors of proximity (aka no American or Canadian teams, lol). 

Other blogs: Some old, discarded ones. 

Do I get asks: Only if I send out off-anon asks first, and occasionally for memes. Hmu if you have ideas for shitty photoshop edits, lol.

How many blogs do I follow: 91

What I’m wearing: Black tshirt, grey sweatpants, black socks. Am boring. 

Dream vacation: Anywhere not cooped up here. Jk, I don’t actually know? There’s a bunch of places I’d love to visit but I don’t prefer one over another and I don’t know what I’d call the  dream vacation because there’s a bunch of different things I’d like to do. I do miss going camping, though, so maybe that.

Dream car: Look I know nothing about cars except that they go zjoom. I can drive stick but that’s where it ends. 

Favorite food: Pizzaaaaaaaaa

Drink of choice: Green tea and also whiskey. Also red wine. I like alcohol.

Languages: English, Dutch, Frisian

Celebrity Crush: ...probably Jonathan Toews at this point honestly

Random fact: When I first became active in online/English speaking communities, I didn’t know how to spell ‘definitely’ so instead I’d just write ‘deffo’. Kept that up for years until I finally buckled down and now it’s not a problem anymore.  Tagging (you don’t have to do this and idk if you already have?): @ohblushes @peeks, @tylerseggs and @peeksandhiscaptain 

[nimbleprocess]

24/3/20_Illustrator2

In this weeks session we explored Illustrator further by rendering using the pen tool and different colour options, creating a personal monogram and the use of Ai and Ps as a fluid pair. 

This weeks session was a little different, being an online session using Adobe Connect, raising its own issues and tasks despite the lesson itself. Please bear this in mind when moving forward with my blog and thank you for your understanding. 

-- stage 1 --

Renderings:

We started the further exploration into Illustrator through the pen tool. When manipulating a shape or drawn line, the direct selection tool is perfect. You can select individual points of a shape, or multiple at a time in order to create the perfect lines. 

In order to directly copy a shape inside another, with perfect distance between the two lines, you can use offset path. Its a tool that isn't used that much, but when you need it you can create absolutely perfect lines. 

When using the pen tool, both Alex and I usually draw half of a mirrored shape and then copy and mirror the drawn line using TransformReflect. You can then press Cmnd Y to bring us the wireframes up, you then can select the two mirrored points with the direct selection tool, use Cmnd J and join the points together. 

The final step to the renderings is to add colour and keep in mind the order of the layers when colouring. To move the layers about you can use Cmnd [ ] to get them into the right order. Remember to have a play around with the thickness of the lines to get a sense of depth and dimension. 

Instead of the Apple Watch task I decided to do the iPhone task instead, as I have used rendering in Adobe Illustrator quite a lot and wanted a bigger challenge. In the time given in the lesson, I was able to render the back of the iPhone with fairly accurate gradients. I don’t use the gradient tool very often but I learnt quite a lot when playing about with it today.

Below: On the left is the example and on the right is my rendering.

-- stage 2 -- 

Monograms and the Gestalt Principles:

The Gestalt psychology is the  theory that we see things as a whole rather than individual objects. Gestalt psychology or gestaltism is a school of psychology that emerged in Austria and Germany, based on work by Max Wertheimer, Wolfgang Kohler, and Kurt Koffka. 

It gets us thinking about principles of layout and why things look right or wrong, we can use these principles to get us out of a design jam and prompt us to think about what might not be working. Rather than seeing individual elements we see the relationships between them, objects will be perceived in their simplest forms. When designing we need to think about context and what helps our brains perceive the world around us. 

The six main principles are:

-Figure-Ground

-Similarity (relationship between objects through similarly in shape or colour)

-Proximity (how close a shape is to another)

-Closure (negative or blank space, filling in the gaps)

-Continuity (guiding the eyes)

-Order 

By human nature we perceive lines and curves as a single element, e.g. a roundabout. The mind will attempt to fill in details that aren’t actually there, meaning that white space or negative space design can work. According to Gestalt psychology, the world is different from the sum of its parts. The mind will always attempt to fill in gaps or work through continuation, when the eye is compelled to move through one object and continue to another object (often used in typography based logos). With continuation you can guide the eye from one object to another through compelling with guidelines or gestures. With continuation the design implies that an element is there when isn't really, allowing our mind to fill in the gaps through implication. 

Using implication and negative space is so simple but so effective, thinking about the shapes and context you are working with will allow you to create a thoughtful and unique logo. 

Using my initials, NB, I created a few monograms in the lesson. I only managed three in the time given for the exercise. I like the third logo and it goes to show how developing an idea over and over gets you to a better final render. 

Inspired by modern minimalist design, my logo would fit in well in a sports scene, being very sleek and masculine looking. It is important to keep in mind how something relates to its context and how it visually fits into it. 

-- stage 3 --

Using Photoshop and Illustrator together:

When creating a workable document, it's important to use layers, grids and guides. This will help us get an accurate document to work with across the above suite. 

In Illustrator, we can create a grid bu going to object-path-split to grid. With this we can the create a gutter (InDesign usually uses 4.322mm gutter). Adding these grids to the top layer and locking them will show a guide over the image, with accurate layout. 

Working with Photoshop and Illustrator together, rather than saving the file as Jpegs and placing them as Jpegs, you can move a .psd file straight into Illustrator. 

Cmnd+Tab scrolls trough apps quickly!

To find a file from another Adobe software, press ALT and double click it to open the original file.

-- reflections -- 

I will definitely be updating this blog in the future with my own personal branding. I really enjoy creating logos and although it is difficult to create something for yourself, it is important to have your own personal brand. 

The essence of personal branding is reducing a persons whole career, identity and skillset into its visual essence. My client has a background in design and works as an in-house graphic designer for a gaming company. This will require an insight into both the design and gaming world in order to marry the two fields together and create an effective personal brand.

-- inspirations --

One logo designer that inspires me is Paul Rand: 

Left: Logo for IBM, 1956; right: 8-bar version 1972 

He skilfully uses contrast and minimalistic colours alongside negative space to create memorable brands. His work isn’t exactly colourful, but he notably followed the Gestalt principles and from this created some of his own:

“A logo derives meaning from the quality of the thing it symbolises, not the other way around.” 

Designers should see logos as a means of converting messages. Rand however sees a logo’s meaning by association with the brand or product itself. Not that logos are insignificant, but that they are free to be designed however one chooses. They are visual language of marking something, not the context itself.

 “The only mandate in logo design is that they be distinctive, memorable and clear.”

This means a logo doesn’t necessarily have to directly visually depict the company it is trying to represent. The subject matter of the logo has relatively little importance, and sometimes it is better to have a completely free logo!

“Simplicity is not the goal. It is the by-product of a good idea and modest expectations.”

A logo has capabilities, but like everything these are limited. Trying to sum up every point, key detail and context of a brand will create a cluttered logo. Focusing on key points or elements will in itself generate beautiful simplicity. Don’t strive for the end goal, instead create a considered and refined concept and simplicity will naturally derive from this. 

-- further development -- 

To further develop my monogram branding, I created a few more logos that I could possibly use or use as inspiration in the near future.

Working from the Gestalt theory and Paul Rand’s principles, I created a personal logo based on my initials, nicknames and current brand name. 

Above: An idea I tried based on the morse code for the letter N. I like the look of it, but think it could use a little more creativity. The logo idea and execution is a little basic for my liking. Maybe generating an idea around iconography will work more in my favour. 

Two other concepts I created were edits of the N shape. I wanted my logo to look fluid and Nimble, like the name of my personal brand. Creating a sense of movement and speed was important to me when creating this logo. I think I created good sense of movement through the implication of arrows, giving my design a sense of direction, literally. 

I created two styles of this directional logo, matching bottom text with the weight and style of the logo. I think I prefer the second logo as it has a more clear sense of direction and movement. Although I like these logos, I am still not satisfied with them as a final design. 

I ended up revisiting my third logo to make the N and B lines match, I much prefer this as a logo, and though there are still a few edits I would make, I am pleased with my exploration of Illustrator rendering. 

[mbti-notes]

Thanks for a great blog! Your words have helped me a lot, but there is one thing I am struggling to understand, so hope you can clarify. You often mention the importance of developing functions IN ORDER (e.g. as an INFP, I should develop Fi first, then Ne, Si and finally Te),and this makes sense in theory. In self-improvement terms, I have always tried to take the best approach for a situation and go outside my comfort zone to consciously work on skills and functions etc. (1 of ?).

[con’t: However, your advice implies a longer-term focus, and that working on a specific function is a good idea. If I understand, Te will NEVER feel as natural as Fi - like writing with your wrong hand could look nice however well it’s developed. My question is how do you know which function (of the 4 in your stack) you should currently be developing? How do you evaluate your strengths, and determine when the ‘next function’ needs development, and when would this change? You have also mentioned the negative impacts of developing functions in the WRONG ORDER. My upbringing, (and male environmental pressures) led me to suppress Fi growing up. Now I’m 32, I am reasonably balanced between my use of Fi and Te, but don’t think either of them are especially healthy in isolation. In contrast my Ne-Si feels unbalanced, and I consciously work on slowing my head down, and to stop skimming over details etc. So, on one level I feel like I should work on Si to bridge the gap to Te. However my Fi feels weaker than it should be, and while I can use Te in a positive way, I still feel like I should be more ‘effective’ in life. Sorry it was long, but theory without examples is hard for me. I am really interested in understanding more about developing functions IN ORDER, and the impact of developing in the WRONG ORDER, and how to undo damage, and where best to focus on for self-improvement. Thanks!!]

I commend your willingness to learn, because an open mind and a good attitude is half the battle. It seems you want something like step-by-step instructions, which is a reasonable request and common from Te types, but it can’t really be granted because it doesn’t fit with the reality of how the mind works. The mind is complicated and hard to understand, that’s why we’re often reduced to using metaphors or analogies. 

When you read the guides, I make a point of saying that cognitive functions aren’t skills. They aren’t something that you can improve from 1 to 10 like learning piano. This analogy doesn’t properly represent the real-life process of type development. For example, if you equate Te with “organization skill”, then you are likely to believe that if you just learn how to organize better and practice it, then Te will be “well-developed”. No. This analogy does not account for the intention behind your desire to use and develop the function. Why is it that some INFPs are good at organizing, some even run corporations and manage large groups of people, but they still frequently experience Te grip? 

You can work hard at developing Te as a “skill” all you want, and you’ll probably get better at doing your daily tasks and keeping everything running smoothly, that’s true - this is not a “bad” thing to do. However, ask yourself what really motivates your desire to build up Te in this way? If your desire stems from wanting to realize your positive potential and become a better person, i.e., self-love, then great. But if your desire actually stems from barely conscious feelings of inadequacy, self-abasement, shame, helplessness, or other negative emotions, then you probably haven’t realized that you’re in Te grip, despite whatever appearance you give off of having your life together.

Functions are tools for making sense of the world and making good decisions in life. How well you use these cognitive tools is not just a matter of skill (skill does help in small ways), it’s also a matter of whether you can properly DECODE what they’re telling you to do. Let’s say that Te is “telling you” to change careers because the career that you really want is not going to lead to great success and wealth. Should you listen? No amount of “organizing skill” is going to answer this question for you, right?

Think of it this way: All of your functions are speaking to you, so your job, like being “president”, is to know the right time to listen to the right function. What this implies is that developing your functions is not about particular skills, rather, it’s about how much self-awareness you possess when making choices. Let’s say Te tells you that: you suck when you’re not rich and famous, you need to sacrifice your integrity to make it, you have to grind yourself down to nothing to achieve the symbols of success, etc. Even if you satisfy these Te demands, are you going to end up as a person that you’ll be proud of? You listened to that Te, you got your shit together, you worked hard as Te told you to do, but would you call that “well-developed” Te or Te grip?

Why is self-development hard? Because you are filled with inner conflicts and you don’t know how to resolve them when you don’t have enough awareness of who you really are, what kind of person you should strive to be, what your deepest needs and concerns are, what kinds of desires are legitimate, what kind of life constitutes a “good” life. People are not objective and rational when they make decisions because the mind is a morass of conflicting information. We are all very easily influenced and led astray by unconscious activity, of which there are three common forms: 1) cognitive biases, usually faulty schemas or heuristics that mislead you about the reality of how the world works, 2) unresolved emotions, such as fear, shame, guilt, anger, pride, jealousy, etc, that twist and distort your perception and judgment, and 3) ego defense mechanisms that photoshop your self-image and blur your self-perception in order to escape the threat of low self-esteem (i.e. lying to yourself). 

That’s why I emphasize self-awareness as the goal of function development. When you are unaware of your intention, or the why, behind developing a function, you are very likely to misuse that function because it’s not really under your control but actually controlled by your unconscious impulses. Can you see through the ways in which your functions give voice to your unconscious activity? Using the above example, can you see through those things that Te is saying? Can you understand that Te is speaking in that way to you because of shame or low self-esteem, not because it has “the right answer” about how you should live your life? In other words, when your mind is transparent to you, you will know when to listen to a function or not because you understand what it’s really trying to say to you. 

WRT function order, generally speaking, you can’t use a function well until the functions before it have been developed well. To understand this concept, use a swimming analogy. The better you are at swimming, the deeper the water you can handle. If you can’t even handle the shallow side, you shouldn’t even think about venturing into the deep end. If you try to go deeper before you are ready, you’ll end up flailing wildly at best and drowning at worst. This is because the unconscious mind is layered and riddled with defense mechanisms, so you have to work your way through those layers gradually as you slowly increase self-awareness. If you try to develop a lower function before you have the necessary baseline level of self-awareness, you’ll just end up misusing that function because you aren’t yet capable of decoding its true message. Why? The lower the function in your stack, the more distorted that “voice” sounds to you because of its much closer proximity to your unconscious activity, especially your defense mechanisms and unresolved emotional issues. 

The function order makes it seem like there is a linear path to take but it’s not so simple because there are two different issues: 1) How much knowledge you have about how to use a function well: This is important because you need something by which to measure your progress, and this is already explained in the Type Development Guide. 2) Whether you can use a function well in every circumstance: Life can be going very well for you circumstance-wise, in which case, your unconscious activity would be fairly quiet and your functions would naturally operate optimally. However, as soon as things don’t go well, you are likely to misuse all of your functions in a desperate attempt to cope with the stress. A function being higher in your stack means that you are less likely to misuse it simply because you are more experienced with it. But it doesn’t matter how “skilled” you are in using your functions if you are still misusing them the moment you get too stressed. For example, you could become great at organizing things (Te as “skill”) and yet, every time you’re stressed, you totally go overboard and get super controlling about everything -> you immediately get taken over by your unconscious unresolved emotions like fear and shame. This tells you that the most important overarching process of type development is learning from the mistakes you make and using that knowledge to boost self-awareness so that you can do better next time.

People often believe that they are more skilled than they are because their ego defense mechanisms prime them to think that way in order to preserve self-esteem. To address your unconscious activity requires radical self-honesty and not many people are ready for that. You have to possess a certain amount of genuine self-esteem to face up to all of your flaws and mistakes and learn from them. This can be especially hard for Fs because they are more sensitive to shame about feeling less than or incompetent. Long term type development involves a lot of growing pains because there is lots of fear and defensiveness to overcome. It’s not fun or pleasant to always be reflecting on the consequences of your actions and confronting all of the things you do wrong or badly. Not many people can face those pains and fears bravely, which is why they opt out. It’s hard to see through the growing pains to understand what enormous gains you can achieve by coming out the other side.