#it should be easier to fall asleep at night and harder to go back to sleep in the morning

[smokenroses]

I'm so upset that falling asleep takes time!!! why can't I go to sleep with the sweet feeling I get when it's morning and I wake up but it's too early so I can go back to sleep and I fall back asleep within minutes!! but no! I have to calm my mind first and relax and god forbid think about the fact that haven't fallen asleep yet because then I'm hyper aware that I haven't fallen asleep. ugh.

[catmiemy]

Not All Change Is Bad (Lia Wälti x Reader)

Summary: Now that you know Lia has feelings for you, you have to figure out where to go from there.

The next morning you woke up exhausted, only having managed to fall asleep for a few minutes at a time. You were weirdly relieved when you checked your phone and it was finally an acceptable time to get up.

A/N: Thanks to the long weekend I actually finished this second part already. You can find the first part here.

This got a bit longer than I thought and I didn't even include most of the fluff at the end that I already planned out. So potentially there could be a third part focused more on happiness with a bit of angst. Let me know if you'd liked to read that. :)

Nadine was still sleeping soundly, so you didn’t have to deal with her seeing the mess you were. You headed straight to the bathroom, annoyed with yourself when you saw how horrible you looked in the mirror. There were dark bags underneath your red eyes, spots all over your cheeks from rubbing away all the tears and your hair resembled a bird’s nest from all the tossing and turning you had done.

You quickly went to work to make yourself more presentable. The last thing you wanted was for Lia to feel guilty when she saw you. You would be damned if you made this any harder for her than it had to be, and if the only thing you could do was pretend you were okay you would do that.

In your noble quest you completely forgot to take into consideration that to Lia’s eyes it would seem like this whole situation hadn’t affected you at all. She almost burst into tears when she saw how put together you looked, the only thing saving her from it, was Ana pointing out all the signs that you were actually not fine that were right underneath the surface of your carefully crafted façade.

The whole camp felt like torture to you and more than once you wished it was finally over. But every time you did you remembered that at Arsenal you would still see Lia, who could barely look into your direction anymore and darted away whenever you were anywhere close to her, almost every day. And back home Jessica was waiting for you.

Your girlfriend and you still hadn’t talked or even texted, which wasn’t too uncommon on Jessica’s part after an argument. Her go to reaction was to completely ignore you, while you usually did everything to get your girlfriend to forgive you, sending long, heartfelt texts, buying her small gifts, apologizing over and over again. You had never questioned if this was okay or healthy, and you didn’t really question it now, you just didn’t have the energy to do it, so you didn’t.

Every once in a while you remembered how you had completely ignored her call after you had asked to talk that night and were hit by a pang of guilt. You should reach out to your girlfriend. And you also should talk to Lia, make things easier for her. You should be fine with all of this, you should communicate more and better, you shouldn’t let this distract you from football, you shouldn’t feel like hiding away for the rest of your life.

As the days passed you became increasingly frustrated with yourself and your inability to do any of the things you should do. The only thing you managed to do halfway decently was keep up appearances well enough. Sure, many of your teammates checked in with you, but they accepted your forced smile and your fake cheerfulness as you assured them that you were totally fine.

Ana was a different story. She tried to push a bit harder, but every time she did, you sent her right back to Lia. “Please just make sure she’s alright, yeah? I’m totally fine, don’t worry about me.”

This did nothing to stop your friend from worrying, nonetheless she always listened to your request, well aware that the only person you really felt comfortable opening up to was Lia. Therefore Ana could only hope that as time passed the two of you managed to find your way back to each other again, maybe even as more than best friends. She still held out hope that you actually returned Lia’s feelings and just needed a little longer to figure that out.

As much as you had often wished camp was over when it actually was and you were boarding the plane to take you back to London, you desperately wanted to stay. Going back home meant you could no longer ignore the whole situation with Jessica and how horrible you’d been acting. It took every ounce of your willpower to force your feet to take you into the plane.

Another thing you dreaded was spending the flight next to Lia, although a small part of you also clung to some hope that the forced proximity would do you good, give you a chance to talk. However as you found your seat all that hope was ripped from you, in the seat that should have been Lia’s sat Noelle, smiling at you sympathetically.

All you could do to avoid breaking down right then and there was to sink down in your seat and blast music into your ears. Thankfully Noelle got the hint and left you alone.

Throughout the flight you did your best to keep your mind occupied with doing at least three things simultaneously. Nevertheless, the closer you got to landing the more your anxiety spiked. Poor Noelle was probably getting annoyed by your constant leg bouncing and fidgeting. Not that the gentle woman would ever say anything.

At the airport when you were slowly heading to the exit to catch a cab back to your apartment you were suddenly stopped by Lia’s voice, “Y/N, wait!”

With a racing heart you stopped in your tracks, turning to face your best friend. Although were you even allowed to call her that anymore?

Lia approached you with a worried face, picking at her cuticles, a clear indication to you that she was nervous. This hurt; you never wanted to get to a place where she was nervous to talk to you.

“I know things are weird between us right now and I really want to move past it, I just don’t know how yet. But…I still wanted to check in. Are you okay to go home? I know you left things with Jessica in a weird place and you looked almost scared on the plane and no matter where we stand I’m still always here for you,” Lia rushed out.

Your heart cracked and all the tears you had held back on this day so far gathered in your eyes, blurring your vision. How very Lia of her to still worry about you and ignore her own emotions and insecurities to make sure you were okay when you were the reason she was so miserable. 

You shook your head and blinked harshly to chase away the tears, then you plastered a what you hoped to be reassuring smile on your face.

“That’s very sweet of you, but please don’t worry about me, I’m totally fine, and after all these years I know how to deal with Jessica.”

Pain flashed in Lia’s eyes and you kicked yourself for bringing up how long you had been with your girlfriend. Way to hurt her more!

She smiled back at you and you could only hope that your smile had been more convincing than hers. “Okay, but never forget that I’m still always here for you.”

And with a goodbye Lia walked away from you, leaving you with an aching heart. Now that you had spoken with her again, it was even more painful to go back to this weird place of not talking. You wanted to run after her, share a ride like you normally did, and maybe hide out at her apartment for the rest of your life so you never had to deal with Jessica.

In front of the door to the apartment Jessica and you shared you took a moment to hype yourself up. You could do this, you had done this about a million times. Maybe it had never been this bad, but you would just have to grovel a little more.

You entered the apartment, calling out to your girlfriend. Just as you expected you didn’t get a response. Maybe she wasn’t home! Even if that would only postpone the argument for a little while, you still wanted it to be true.

Sadly you were out of luck. You quickly found Jessica sitting on the couch, staring at her phone and completely ignoring your presence.

“Hi,” you greeted her awkwardly, your girlfriend still not showing any signs of having noticed you. “Look I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone and haven’t reached out since. This camp has been absolutely crazy.”

It was a weak explanation, and definitely not enough to get Jessica to acknowledge you again. To even have any hope of getting there you would need to apologize and beg. However when you were searching for the right words, you realized that you didn’t want to do it this time. You were tired of these same old patterns that always left you feeling like you weren’t good enough.

You weren’t someone that got mad often, but now you could feel all the suppressed feelings inside of you rapidly turning into anger.

“Can you just cut this crap out and talk to me like an equal human being?” You snapped at Jessica.

At least you succeeded in getting a reaction. She dropped her phone, turning to you, the surprise on her face quickly morphing into anger just as intense as your own.

“Excuse me?! Who has been ignoring me for the last ten days after not picking up the phone when it was you who suggested we talk that night? I think I have every right to be angry,” Jessica yelled back at you.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t be angry, but acting as if I’m air is just plain childish! I said I was sorry and I also said that things have been crazy, but apparently you don’t care about that.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Okay then, what crazy thing happened that stopped you from contacting me at all? Did the monster under the bed steal your phone? Or did aliens project a force field around your camp, stopping all electronic devices from working?”

Her mocking only made you angrier, so without thinking about it if it was wise to reveal this to Jessica, you told her about learning of Lia’s feelings for you.

After that all hell broke loose, everything the two of you had kept inside for way too long spilling out in hurtful words, ending in a scream match that had neither of you even hearing what the other was saying anymore.

In the end it was you who said the fateful words, “I think it’s high time that we break up! Well it was probably high time years ago and we were just too stuck to notice.

“No, I don’t accept that! You don’t break up with me, I’m breaking up with you,” Jessica retorted.

By now most of the anger had drained from your body, you just shrugged your shoulders. “Whatever, I’m leaving.”

Once you were out of the apartment you just started walking; the entire palette of negative emotions fighting for the lead inside of you. Before too long you found yourself standing in front of Lia’s little house. Just the sight of the familiar building that had been your refuge so often in the past was enough to break down the emotional barriers you had carefully constructed over the last couple of weeks, tears beginning to stream down your cheeks.

Lia had said you could still come over if something happened. So despite feeling more than a little unsure about it, you walked up to the front door and knocked. You needed her right now and if she would send you away you didn’t know if you could deal with it.

Of course there was no reason to worry, Lia didn’t miss a bit, ushering you into her apartment and holding you tightly while you cried your eyes out. You weren’t coherent enough to explain what had happened, but from the bits and pieces you managed to get out, she got the gist of it.

Somewhere in the back of your mind was some immense guilt for making Lia take care of you after everything, however it was drowned out by how safe you felt in your best friend’s arms. You wanted to stay there for the rest of your life, blocking out the rest of the world.

After your crying session you were hit by a wave of extreme tiredness, your eyes fluttering shut every so often. Lia gently massaged the back of your scalp, knowing you were prone to tenseness there, and it was making you even sleepier.

“Do you want to stay here tonight?” She offered.

.

You should refuse, you should pull yourself together and leave Lia be, maybe call Leah to come over and check up on her after you had once again dumped your emotions all over her. You should be a better person and do that, instead you mumbled, “Yeah, I’d like that very much.”

The two of you got ready for bed. Lia insisted on it, you would have happily stayed on the couch in your regular clothes without brushing your teeth if it meant you didn’t have to move. There wasn’t any need for using a spare toothbrush or borrowing some clothes from Lia, you had left this kind of stuff here ages ago. It was just easier this way with all the impromptu sleepovers you had.

The two of you lay down on your respective sides of the bed, facing each other like you usually did to exchange some whispered words before falling asleep. You were already half asleep, not alert enough to stop yourself from mumbling, “I really really missed you, Schätzi. So stupid of me not to realize I also have feelings for you.”

You drifted off to sleep immediately afterwards, completely missing the way Lia went rigid as she heard your words, an onslaught of different emotions hitting her. The hardest one to deal with was the renewed hope she had mostly buried long ago. For years she had dreamt of you telling her that you felt the same way, she had played out hundreds of different scenarios of how it might happen. And Lia thought it would make her the happiest person on the planet.

However now that you had said the words, she was just scared. Scared that you didn’t really mean it, scared that you were merely confused by the emotional rollercoaster you were going through, scared that you were only clinging to her because Lia was familiar and comforting.

When you woke up the next morning the bed next to you was empty. For one blissful nanosecond you thought this was just a normal sleepover until all the memories hit you with full force. Shame and guilt began eating at you for putting Lia in this position, not only had you shown up here and made her comfort you after your breakup, you had also blurted out that you too have feelings for her at the most inappropriate time possible.

Not that it wasn’t true. The realization had been simmering underneath the surface for a while, not something that you were ready to acknowledge yet, but now that you had, there was no doubt left in your mind. So that wasn’t the problem, the problem was that it absolutely been the wrong moment to say it.

With a rapidly beating heart you finally got out of bed, determined to find Lia and apologize. You found her in the kitchen, staring into her cup of coffee. She looked dead tired, almost slumping onto the table. This only made you feel even guiltier. No doubt had your careless words cost your best friend some sleep.

Despite everything Lia still offered you a weak smile and got up to get you a cup of coffee. You tried to protest, but she simply waved away your words. Lia never trusted you to make your own coffee; she knew you had a tendency to make it too strong which then in turn made you a little hyper. 

“I’m sorry,” you said at the same time as your best friend stated, “There are some things I need to say.”

You nodded, gesturing at Lia to continue talking; she deserved to go first and get everything she wanted off her chest.

The brunette took a deep breath and when she began talking it sounded rehearsed, making you wonder how early she had gotten up to prepare and practice this whole speech. “I thought about all this for a long time and as much as I want to be the one to support you through this breakup, I don’t think I can.”

“What you said yesterday before falling asleep…It was everything I’ve wanted to hear for the longest time, but I think it’s important that you take your time to figure things out and make sure that you actually mean it.”

You opened your mouth to assure Lia that you did, how could you not? But one pleading look from her was enough to shut you up. She wasn’t ready to hear it; nothing you could say would make Lia fully believe it.

“So let’s just take some time, yeah? This way you can work through your breakup and everything else,” the brunette concluded.

Once again you nodded, even if it wasn’t what you wanted at all. You totally understood Lia’s request for some time apart and you would give her as much as she needed. After all she had apparently been waiting for you for years, so this was the least you could do.

“I don’t want to kick you out, but I really believe this is what’s best for us in the long run. But I can help you call one of our teammates so you can stay with them if you don’t want to go home?” Lia offered.

She was clearly conflicted about this course of action, still worrying about you. Therefore you quickly shook your head, reassuring the midfielder that you were fine and already had a plan. “Please don’t worry about me,” you told Lia more than once.

However the fact that you got up after saying this and walked towards the front door still in your pajamas definitely didn’t help your case.

“You know you can get dressed and even take a shower first,” Lia said, trying to keep her voice light and joking, when in reality your confusion scared her. Would you really be okay?

After taking a swift shower you felt a little more like yourself and managed to convince Lia that you wouldn’t walk right into a disaster if she let you out of her sight.

Saying goodbye was awkward, both of you looking at each other, unsure what to do. You longed to hug your best friend, but you didn’t think that would be welcome right now, so you merely waved at Lia lamely and told her you would see her at training.

During your shower you had come up with a plan; you waited until you were sure Jessica would have left for work, then you went to the apartment and packed a bg. All of your teammates would have happily let you stay with them, but you didn’t feel comfortable going to any of them, so instead you headed to a nearby hotel.

The moment you closed the door of your hotel room behind you, you sank to the floor, breaking down completely. You had thought you had cried yourself all out last night, but apparently there was an inexhaustible fountain of fresh tears somewhere inside of you.

That’s how you spent the rest your day, crying in various places. At some point you moved from the door to the bed, staying there until you had to go to the bathroom, crying on the floor leaning against the bathtub for a good while.

It was a small mercy that you feel asleep pretty early, exhausted from all the crying and from beating yourself up mentally. You were so angry at yourself for how you had treated both Lia and Jessica, you should have been better!

The next morning you felt like you had a hangover, your head pounding. However at least you were in control of your waterworks again, so you were hopeful you wouldn’t start crying during training. After another shower and a quick breakfast you felt a little better, confident in your ability to pretend to be a normal human being for as long as you needed.

And that’s what you did, not only that day but also the following ones. You acted throughout the day like you were fine, when someone asked you how you were, you stated time and time again that you were fine, no matter how much anyone could see that you weren’t.

The biggest challenge to your composure were the sad looks Lia kept sending your way when she thought you didn’t notice. It hurt you on a visceral level that you were the reason she was so miserable. In reality that wasn’t why Lia continued to look at you like this, it wasn’t because you had made her unhappy, but because she hated to see you take so little care of yourself and quietly falling apart in front of her eyes.

Every day as soon as you could you would go home, declining every invite to hangout from your teammates, because as soon as you stumbled into your hotel room, the tears returned, and all you could do for the rest of the day, was lay in bed, cry and berate yourself.

How had you been so stupid and not noticed Lia’s feeling for you? Why were you so weak and pathetic and ran right to her side after your breakup when you knew this would only make it more difficult for her? Furthermore you also felt horrible for how you had left things with Jessica. Sure, your relationship hadn’t been good for a while, but she deserved more from you!

About a week later you were once again laying in your hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, hating on yourself when your phone rang. You planned to ignore it, like you had been doing for the most part lately, but it kept on ringing again and again. With a deep sigh you picked up without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello,” you croaked, your voice hoarse from crying.

“Y/N where the hell are you?!” Ana almost shouted.

Confused you started at the phone. “What?”

“Where are you?” Ana repeated a little slower, “I know you aren’t at home because the lovely Jessica told me as much and after doing some inquires I also know you aren’t with any of your teammates, so where are you?”

All of this could only mean one thing, Ana was in London and you really weren’t prepared to give up your plan of wallowing in misery to face her.

“I’m at a hotel. Happy? Now go and see Lia, I think she could use a friend,“ you replied, praying that this was enough to satisfy Ana.

You should have known that it wasn’t and you also should have known that your friend would figure out the only way to get you to tell her your location.

“You better tell me right now where you are or I’m calling Lia and tell her that you’re hiding out all alone in a hotel,” Ana threatened.

“Ugh fine,” you huffed angrily, letting her know what hotel you were staying at and your room number. Then you hung up the phone without as much as saying goodbye. If Ana was going to be like this, you sure as hell weren’t going to be polite.

You used the time you had until Ana’s arrival to make yourself look a little more presentable. It only worked semi-decently and the traces of your most recent breakdown were still very much visible on your face when you heard the dreaded knock.

“Oh Spatz,” Ana sighed when she laid eyes on you, guiding you carefully over to the bed and basically pulling you into her lap.

To your great annoyance the tears took this as an invitation to start falling again right away, and it took a good while for them to stop.

“Y/N what are you doing?” Ana asked you gently once you had calmed down.

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m doing my best to give Lia the time she needs,” you explained.

Ana tilted her head to the side, studying you intently. “Time for what exactly?”

“To get over my stupid behavior, to figure out if she still wants to be with someone as horrible as me, to heal all the parts of her heart that I’ve hurt. Take your pick,” you replied, the anger for yourself making your voice harsh, almost hateful.

“Oh Spatz,” Ana said once again, reaching over to tuck a strand of her behind your ear. “You’re being way too hard on yourself, just because you didn’t handle everything perfectly and made some mistakes along the way doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person”

“And I can tell you that that’s not what Lia is thinking at all. She didn’t propose this time apart because she needs to figure things out. She knows exactly what she wants, she has known for years. You on the other hand just got out of very long term relationship. Lia wants you to take enough time to deal with that and process your feelings before you jump into something new. She’s waiting for you to be ready and at this rate you’re never going to be. You can’t just ignore everything, Y/N!”

It took a lot more reassuring on Ana’s part until you could even begin to believe her. Thankfully your friend was very patient and kept telling you the same things over and over again until a small seed of hope was planted inside of you.

She didn’t leave it at that though, Ana also helped you make a list of things you could do over the next few weeks to help you process everything. Journaling was on the top of the list, as ws eating regular meals and not spending too much time in bed. Furthermore you vowed to contact Jessica and figure out how to proceed with your shared apartment, and on Ana’s insistence you promised to talk to your teammates more and spend time with them instead of holing up by yourself all the time.

You actually followed this list meticulously, and made sure to give Ana regular updates. Especially once you got the sneaking suspicion that she in turn informed Lia how you were doing because the midfielder looked more and more relaxed every day. The first time she smiled at you again your heart skipped a beat and you felt like a lovesick teenager. Then slowly Lia stopped keeping her distance, you still didn’t talk just the two of you but being part of the same group conversation became a regular occurrence.

After about three weeks you gathered all your courage and decided to ask Lia if she wanted to have coffee. It was a weird feeling that something that used to be the most mundane thing ever made you want to jump out of your skin. Doubts were flying around your mind as you walked towards Lia. The big smile that appeared on her face as she saw you definitely helped to make you feel a little calmer.

“Do you want to get coffee?“ You blurted out, mentally face palming at your lack of eloquence.

Lia chuckled, finding exactly this awkwardness endearing. „Yeah, I’d love to,“ she replied to your relief.

After training you met up at a coffee shop you had gone to a million times in the past, but this time felt entirely different, you might as well have been on another planet.

Once the two of you had found some seats and ordered your beverages, Lia looked at you expectantly. You had this all planned out, but now your mind was completely blank and you couldn’t think of a single thing you wanted to say.

Dejected you buried your face in your hands. “Man I’m so bad at this. Sorry, Lia!” You moaned.

Lia gently tugged your finger away from your face, holding on a little longer than necessary. “This isn’t a test, Y/N, just start with why you asked me out for coffee and then we’ll go from there. I don’t expect a perfectly rehearsed speech.”

You did expect that from yourself though because you knew Lia would have been able to deliver one. Sadly you were once again a disappointment to yourself, so there was nothing else to do than follow Lia’s advice.

“I guess the main reason is that I missed you. So much that it’s sometimes difficult to breath and if there’s one thing I know for sure by now it’s that I can’t imagine a future that you’re not part of. I can’t believe how stupid I was not to realize that ages ago.”

At this Lia huffed unhappily, she didn’t like the way you put yourself down at all. Despite this she didn’t interject, she didn’t want to stop your flow of words, knowing how hard it would be for you to get back into the mindset of sharing so freely, even with her.

“So often I was happy to get out of the apartment Jessica and I shared to spend time with you. When something good happened or well I guess also something bad you were always the first person I wanted to share it with. Nothing makes me happier than to see you happy and when you smile at me my entire world lights up. I can’t believe that I didn’t realize that you’ve been more than my best friend for the longest time.”

“And I know three weeks probably doesn’t seem like enough time to get over such a long relationship, but the truth is I’ve been finished with that relationship for a long time, and I think so has Jessica. We just stayed together out of habit. And don’t get me wrong, there’s still some things I need to do, like have a long and honest conversation with her, but I really want you back in my life. I completely understand though if you’re not ready. That’s totally valid of course…”

You would have continued to ramble if Lia hadn’t stopped you by gently pressing a finger to your lips, her eyes shining with love and warmth.

“I think we’re ready for that too. Not start a relationship right away, I need more time before that and I think you do too, but just things like this. Spend time together, hang out, slowly figure out together how our new normal is going to look like. Does that sound okay?”

“That sounds absolutely perfect,” you responded.

Not too long ago you had lain in a hotel bed in Switzerland scared because things between you and Lia would never be the same again, now you were filled to the brim with happiness and hope because things would never be the same again. Just the thought of how your relationship with Lia was going to look like made you feel excited. It was everything you’d never dared to dream of.

[mitsies]

❊ foolish one - inumaki toge . . silence speaks volumes, and he thinks that you can't listen for much longer.

it's not fair of him to love you like he does.

inumaki feels horrible, he really does. his affection is selfish and abominable, and it hurts to feel it. but he can't not. it's a kind of love that makes him sick. his chest burns and heaves with unspeakable words, and his nails carve half-moons into his palms with uncontained admiration.

there isn't a thing about you he doesn't love. from every sunspot to every hair on your head. he loves the cadence of your voice, and he loves the face you make when he pokes you or does something otherwise annoying. he relishes in this expression, really, because it means you noticed him, you saw him. he really is awful, for how he scrounges and scrabbles for every piece of your attention he can get. like a beggar on the street, like a moth, like a starved animal. it's pathetic, he thinks.

he feels especially selfish on sunday movie nights with all the first-years, when he steals the spot on the couch right next to you because he knows you'll fall asleep on his shoulder. he feels even worse on mornings when he hopes something like a strange sickness will befall maki so she can't go on a mission with you, and he'll get to replace her. because maki is his friend, but she's also your friend, and he'd much rather if he was your only one. and he's the most selfish on break days, where he gets into predicaments on purpose so you'll help him out.

inumaki remembers the first snow of the year, because he remembers the little stuffed animal punching him through his pocket. one of principal yaga's stuffed animals had not-so-accidentally ended up in the pocket of his winter coat, and he needed your help— not panda's, or maki's, or yuuta's— your help, to get it back to his office without being caught. oh, he loved that day. he loved the look of exasperation on your face, he loved the amusement in your eyes every time the living stuffed animal would hit him, he loved that stolen hour in your company.

the guilt is abrasive. the anguish of loving you scalds like hot tea slipt on his palms and he's sick, he has to be, because he can't get enough and at the same time it's too much. he loves you but he shouldn't, because you deserve better.

he can't love you the way you deserve. he knows it— if you know, then you probably know it. everyone probably knows it. everyone. he's so, so unfair. he's cruel to subject you through his love. you should have someone who can tell you how much they love you, instead of relying on a hand on the shoulder or a friendly shoulder during a movie. you deserve the compliments that are spoken, and not written. you deserve someone who can match your inflection, and tone, and cadence, the very parts of your voice he admires so much. someone who can your favorite songs with you. someone better, much better than him.

he thinks he's merciful for letting you go. he decides he should one night, when he hears you laughing through a door at something someone else said. because he doesn't have the words to make you laugh, and actions are never enough for him. it's an act of kindness, for how he blocks you out. for how he stops trying to steal you away, to sit next to you, to slip you notes, and make you smile. he believes it's the right thing to do, to take away your choice.

avoiding you is hard at first. cutting out an addiction to your warmth is easier said than done, but he finds that looking through you has become easier than looking at you. if he looks through you, he doesn't see the creases of your smile and the lines of your eyes that make him fall harder every time. and he thinks you don't even notice— if you do, you say not a word. inumaki thinks it makes it easier. if you said nothing, it meant you didn't notice his withdrawal. if you didn't notice, it meant you didn't like him back. and if you didn't like him back, then he never had a chance to begin with.

that is, until, the second night of summer.

for the first time in a while, it's too hot to sleep. a summer storm brews somewhere in the distance, and the humidity of the air cuts like a blade. inumaki finds himself outside, seated on the steps of the boy's dormitory, unsurprisingly thinking of you. so it's almost like he's the one who summoned you, when you appear in front of you. he didn't even hear your footsteps.

you look upset. arms crossed over your chest, dressed in a loose, too-big t-shirt and shorts. you look like you just woke up and inumaki wouldn't be surprised if that ended up being the truth, considering the late hour and the unbearable heat. you're frowning in a way that makes his chest hurt because whatever has made you upset must be the worst thing in the world, and he hates it so much, too. but then he realizes what he's feeling, purses his lips beneath his scarf, and looks away.

"can you even look at me?"

he wasn't expecting you to talk to him, let alone so bluntly. but you do, and it's your voice, the one he loves so, too much. and you're talking to him. his eyes drift towards you.

it's silent for a beat before you speak again. "did i do something?"

and oh, you sound so shattered. it's something unusual, the grief carried in your tone. it's an inflection he wishes he wasn't familiar with, but knew all too well considering the nature of your career. but nothing bad had happened, he thinks. only good. so what happened? inumaki shakes his head and tips it to the side in an inquiry, even though he wants to run to hold you. he wants to take your head in his arms and hold it to his chest and speak, and tell you it's okay, and ask what's wrong. but the best he can do is sit and stare like a dog.

you purse your lips and breathe in deeply before continuing: "then why are you ignoring me?"

his stomach plummets. he didn't think you noticed. he can't look you in the eyes anymore, and he's almost as surprised when you scoff, "oh. so i was right; you are."

he really, really can't look at you. he settles for the bush just behind you that blows with a pleasant cold breeze carried through the hot summer night as you keep on talking. "i was hoping i was imagining it. but you aren't even pretending?"

he sits still, like a statue. and you must be so hurt because you have a million more words to say, it seems, as you steamroll over his silence. "and i thought we were friends. a whole year of this school— you'd think it'd make us friends. but now— out of nowhere— you act like i'm not even here. what did i do? and to think—"

you pause. your voice is cracked, shaky. you don't know what else there is left to say, except for the truth: "and to think that i liked you back."

his back stiffened. his eyes meet yours. a shiver passes through him, and it's suddenly freezing cold. inumaki blinks at you. you glare at him. "yuuta told me everything," you state bluntly.

yuuta, the one person to whom inumaki had admitted his feelings. of course he told you. he was too good to lie about something like this. inumaki feels the fabric of the world around him rip and shred like it's been dropped in a cat's cradle, a vice grip squeezes the air out of his lungs, and for the first time, he has nothing he wants to say, even if he could.

"you decided for me," you continue after a short lapse, "decided that you weren't good enough. but you didn't even think about what i would've wanted."

he is silent. you keep speaking, unshed tears scratching your words into sharp, snappy sentences.. "i would've liked you no matter what. no matter your technique, or fucking whatever. i did. i do. but you chose for me."

he hopes he's seeing things when a tear, illuminated by the moonlight, slides down the apple of your cheek before you wipe at your face with your palm. you conclude, "it wasn't fair. for me, or for you."

unceremoniously, briskly, you turn and leave. it happened almost as quickly as you'd appeared. if he blinked, he'd have missed it. the pit in his stomach is growing deeper and consuming him whole.

inumaki cannot say a word. he can't move, to chase after you. he can't do anything but sit, and stare, and watch you go. he can't breathe, he can't think, he can't picture a future where it all works out because he doesn't know if it will.

loving you was unfair. he didn't deserve you, he knows. but leaving you was worse.

flowers chosen: belladonna & columbine . . silence and foolishness

❊ send a request! ❊ 5k masterlist ❊ event info ❊

[luimagines]

You Call to Him in Your Sleep Part 2

Masterlist

Part 1

Part two will include Twilight, Four and Legend

Content under the cut!

Twilight

Twilight had taken the form of Wolfie on an impulse on one of your worse nights. You had specifically waited for everyone to fall asleep before you let your cry a a little ways away from the group.

You had calmed down someone when Woflie had entered your vision, latching onto the creature like a lifeline. You silently cried into his fur, pulling on in when you felt as if he wasn’t close enough and wiping your tears on the same fur when it occurred to you to do so. 

He didn’t mind, it wasn’t forever. 

When you had exhausted yourself, he stayed near and allowed himself to be your cuddle buddy for the night. 

He didn’t know you talk in your sleep.

“I don’t want...”

“No... You jump.”

“...ehehe....”

“Monkey.”

He had no idea what you could be dreaming about to make you talk in your sleep. Twilight wasn’t sure if he should find it amusing or not. On one hand, yes, it was absolutely nonsense. On the other hand, it was making it harder for him to sleep considering you were talking right into his ear.

Twilight huffed and sighed, trying to get comfortable on the forest floor. He’ll just have to resign to his fate. He’s not sleeping tonight. Maybe he can hop on Epona and have one of the boys pull her along as he power naps.

“Link.”

His ears perk up and he turns to face you.

No, you’re still sleeping. After a beat passes, he lays back down on the ground. It’s fine. Besides, it could be any one of them. There’s literally nine of them. IT would be silly to think that you would be calling him specifically-

“Twilight please!” 

You’re pouting.

His tail does not start wagging behind him. It doesn’t, he swears it.

The look on your face doesn’t help you in the slightest. He knows that look. You look only marginally annoyed. If you had been awake, Twilight thinks that you’d be doing the equivalent of puppy eyes. And you only use your puppy eyes on his when he’s teasing you.

He didn’t think he’d tease you even your dreams. The thought makes him laugh.

Maybe he should go easier on your for the next few days. You can’t seem to get a break from him even when you sleep. Poor thing.

He lays back down with higher spirit. Cute.

Or he could keep teasing you when you wake up again. Serves you right for keeping him up all night with your talking. Fair is fair after all.

Twilight finally manages to sleep for a little bit. It’s... actually quite nice being in your arms like this.

Four

Four didn’t want to sound creepy but he liked watching you sleep. You were so peaceful. If he looked hard enough, he’d swear you were smiling.

There was a single blade of wayward grass on your face that he took great pains to move away without waking you up.

You moved.

He froze.

You didn’t seem to notice that he was incredibly close to you or that you had anything on your face to begin with. You rolled over from your side to your back and let out a soft sigh.

Four sighed without and leaned back, taking the blade of grass as he went.

“Sorry.” He says under his breath for disturbing your peaceful rest. “I didn’t meant to do that.” 

“...Link...” You sigh and your face twists into something negative. Four can’t tell if it’s worry or annoyance.

Either way, he flinches and slowly turns back to you as he tosses the blade of grass over his shoulder. “Yes? What is it, Sweetheart?”

The pet name drops from his lips before he can stop himself. It’s the second time he can feel his heart plummet through the crust of the earth in the past thirty seconds.

You don’t seem to react to his reply, still sleeping soundly.

It’s a relief because Four wasn’t sure how he was going to explain the very endeared tone that he just used on you. He needs to better grip on himself. Maybe he should go clean up and polish the group’s weapons three times over. That should be enough to ground him back into reality, right?

“Four.” You say pointedly and Four feels his heart stop in his chest. He snaps his attention back to you but you don’t have your eyes open. You’re still sleeping.

Four puts his hand over his heart and falls backwards. His other hand lands on his head band and brushes his bangs away from his face.

Well this is an interesting development.

You’re dreaming about him. Four watches you with more interest than he cares to admit. Are you going to say something else? Is he going to get a hint to what you’re thinking about? Is it nice? He hopes his nice. But that look on your face is rather concerning. Is a nightmare? Should he wake you up?

“Stop.” You say and Four feels likes he’s been smacked.

..Did you just-....Can you read minds?

Feeling sheepish, Four responds anyway. “Sorry.”

You don’t reply. Because you’re still asleep.

Embarrassed, Four stands and power walks away from you and where you rest. Someone else can take the watch now. There’s no need for him to stay and embarrass himself to only his shadow. He already knows how that’s going to end up the second he’s truly alone.

He wakes up the next Link and promptly, throws himself into his bed roll.

Best not to think about it.

Legend

He was so tired. He felt dead on his feet.

You were no different than he was. As soon as the group was called to a halt to set up camp, you had taken off your hood, wrapped it up and fell to the ground. Out. Just like that. You didn’t bother eating any dinner. You were instantly unconscious.

Legend took a minute or two to envy your ability to just do that. Before got onto his very sore feet and helped the rest of the exhausted group to set up a somewhat decent camp.

The meal Wild made was simple and quick to the point. Legend thinks that it might have been missing some salt but given the way most of them inhaled their food, he doubts that it was worth pointing out.

He sets up his bed roll, thanking the stars that he’s not on first watch and looks over to you.

You had virtually dropped where you stood, and were thus a little further away than anyway.

Something pulls at Legend’s heart strings. He can’t just leave you there.

Yes he can.

You puts his pillow down where he’s more or less certain where his head will be and moves his blanket. Legend looks back to you.

He can’t.

With a dramatic groan loud enough to wake the others, he meanders back over to you and pokes you with his foot. No response.

“Great.” Legend groans again. He drops to shake you a little bit but you only grumble.

“Wake up.” 

“Nrmm...”

“Hey.”

“Shhh...”

Legend says your name dramatically.

“Link.”

Legend stares at you for a minute before poking you again. If you’re awake then you’re doing a somewhat decent job of not moving. If you’re sleeping, you’re awfully aware of what happening right now.

You don’t move.

He pokes you again.

“Legen’.... no... stop..”

He growls. “So you do know it’s me.”

He drops to his knees and shakes your shoulders a little rougher than intended. To his shock, you still don’t respond as intended and only vaguely brush him off.

His eyes narrow but you don’t show any signs of acknowledgment whatsoever.

Legend pouts and stands. He already knows he’s not strong enough to pick you up.

He’s going to bed.

Part 3

[si1verghosts]

you and me found love (lost under the shade)

re4r leon s. kennedy x fem reader (no use of y/n)

wc: 3.3k

18+ | cw: mentions of drinking, smoking, sex | tw: illusions to suicidal thoughts; author's general preoccupation with death and dying

read on ao3

title: falling asleep on a stranger by pierce the veil | art: taft bridge under the rain [#127] by carmonamedina

a/n: i honestly don't know if i am doing this whole tagging thing right idk how to tag on here so sorry if i missed anything.... anyways, this is the first thing i've managed to finish in months - i did not imagine the first leon fic i'd actually post would be reader insert but here we are!! i hope u enjoy :D

not beta read - all mistakes my own or done purposely due to my general disrespect for the grammatical conventions of the english language.

i do not own leon, yadda yadda, please don't sue me <3

please do not use my work to train any sort of AI chat bot and/or writing generator.

-----

"I can't be what you want," Leon had said, voice even. "Maybe you should try to find someone else; someone who can… be around."

Someone who can give you a straight answer. Someone who doesn't come home bloodied and bruised and can't tell you why. Someone who doesn't make you feel like it's all just a lie. 

You had never heeded any of Leon's suggestions before - "You should go," he had whispered after that first night, and the second, and the third - but you wish you had; so you give it a shot now. 

You let your friend set you up with the guy in accounting at her job she had been telling you about for months. "And get this - he always wears a tie bar! He just seems so put together," she had raved to you over drinks the weekend prior.

Accounting, tie bar, put together. Nice, neat, safe. 

You had shrugged, "give him my number."

He's waiting for you outside the bar when you arrive, jogs over when he notices you approaching, holding his umbrella out over you. It's unnecessary - the cold precipitation is hardly a mist, barely coating the strands of your hair. "You look beautiful," he smiles. It feels rehearsed, platitudinous. You thank him, letting him guide you inside. 

His hand brushes your arm as he helps you out of your jacket, skin soft. You pull away with the shock of it, covering with a small wave of beckoning. He falls in behind you as you traverse the familiar path through the room to your usual spot, settling in before he can manage to make a show out of pulling out your chair.

Same table, different seat; back against the wall - it's a whole new perspective. No longer focused solely on the person across from you, it's as if the whole world falls into your line of sight. It suddenly makes sense why you always found it so difficult to hold on to Leon's attention.

He slinks away to acquire your requested vodka soda from the bar. You pick at your nails until your fingers shake, shifting to look out the windows. The rain has picked up, pelting the glass and obscuring the view. You long for your car and the pack of menthols tucked away in the glove box, nobody to quit for now. 

He returns with your drinks, water for himself - "trying to cut back on carbs, you know? I've been making real progress with my lifts lately." 

"That's great," you smile. 

He leans in, beginning to chatter away excitedly about weights and protein and bicycles and Wall Street. His cologne reeks of business school, of polo shirts and white picket fences and 2.5 kids. You hope you are nodding at all the right moments. His tie bar catches the light of the Budweiser sign hanging behind you, silver glinting red, as if informing you you aren't.

It's hard, much harder than it reasonably should be but you've forgotten how to do this. Leon and you hardly spoke; the silence was easier - until it grew violent from your overreliance. 

You catch the ring of the doorbell over the drone of his voice, a familiar shape of blonde hair and brown leather entering your peripheral vision. You turn, a sick sense of satisfaction slithering up your spine. 

Shoulders hunched and hands shoved deep in his pockets, he shakes off the water droplets clinging to his hair like a dog. He picks his head up, blue eyes and dark circles meet your gaze almost immediately.

You raise a brow, I took your advice; happy?

He spins around, setting the bell off again as he slips out the door. 

"I'm sorry," you interrupt your date, who had been entertaining himself, seemingly never even recognizing your shift in attention. "I'll be right back." 

You are out the door a second later, shoving your arms back into the coat you thankfully remembered to grab, shielding your skin from the rain clouding your vision. Blinking away the droplets from your lashes, you spot Leon making his way down the sidewalk and take off after him, catching up as he nears the corner. 

You call to him, voice near enough to stop him, but only for a moment. "Go back inside," he throws over his shoulder, continuing forward.

You want to reach out and grab him, make him turn to look at you, but his shoulders are set in a tense line. Your touch is sure to set him off like a slingshot. 

Steeling yourself, you dart around him, blocking his path. You find yourself in front of him without any idea of what to say. You gape at him stupidly, chest heaving from the exertion of chasing him down; maybe you should've asked what's-his-name for a good gym recommendation before you ran off.

Leon entertains you for a moment before he huffs, eyes narrowing, "what are you doing?"

It's an excellent question - one you had never bothered to stop and ask yourself. 

What are you doing? 

Why did you agree to go for drinks? Why had you put on the dress Leon had carefully unzipped and let pool around your ankles just a few weeks ago? Why had you asked Mr. Tie Bar to meet you at the bar you knew Leon always popped into after work? 

Fuck. 

You swallow harshly, "trying." 

"Trying?" Leon reiterates, almost laughing. "And what is it that you are trying?"

Normal. To get over you. To make you mad. Honesty. To make you look at me. To make you want me like I want you. Safety. To hurt you. To get you to say something, anything. Trust. To get you to make me stay. To get you to stay. 

You feel yourself frown, the familiar pressure of tears building behind your nose. You try to swallow the feeling but it just mixes with the venom stuck in your throat, bubbling back up after mutating into a bitter twinge of anger. "What the hell does it look like, Leon? You told me to try to find someone else - that's what I'm trying."

He rocks back on his heels, crossing his arms. "Well, it doesn't really seem to be working out, does it?" 

"It was going great, actually." You smile, hoping it's not as hollow as you feel. 

"Oh, yeah?" He cocks a brow, lips pulling into a sly smirk. "Then why are you out here with me?

"You," you huff, at a loss. His words seem to be coming easier than ever while you choke on every one. You shrug, "You looked upset when you left."

"And I'm sure that's exactly what you wanted, right?" His smirk stretches into an acetous grin. "Came to relish in the tears, huh? Sorry to disappoint." He moves to brush by you, but you plant yourself in his path once again. 

"I can't believe-" you start, but stop short. Because you can believe he'd think of you that way - you'd never given him a reason to think otherwise. 

You think back to the silence that had made its home between the two of you, realizing you had used it as a confidant, letting it absorb everything you should've given to Leon instead. 

"I just wanted to check on you, see how you are doing." Your voice comes out as small as you feel under the weight of Leon's gaze. It's ironic - all this time you just wanted him to look at you, and now you wish he'd turn his eyes anywhere else. 

He snorts, short and irascibly, "I don't need you worrying about me."

"I know you don't, Leon," you throw your hands out, rainwater flicking off your skin with your exasperation. "You've made that very clear. But I can't help it - I'm going to anyways." 

"You shouldn't."

"Why not?" You half-yell, half-whine. You cringe at the sound, feeling slightly delirious; freezing cold and nearly begging him to let you care. 

 "Because you can do better." His voice is even once again, feelings stacked neatly away and locked up tight. 

"You don't get to decide that for me," you spit, ears ringing with the echo of your too-loud voice. 

"Yeah," he nods. "I do." 

He steps around you again, intending to disappear down the side street. But this time you grab him, fingers latching onto the slippery leather of his jacket, his arm as tense as a bowstring under your grip. 

"Let me go," he requests without turning to look at you, voice still even, even, even. It's a courtesy, he could easily pull free - but you are sick of his kindness, his courtesies; that's how you ended up here. You don't want them anymore.

"Make me." 

"Let me go," he repeats, slower and thicker. 

"No." If you want me gone, you'll have to force me. You don't say it, but you know he got the message when his shoulders slump, fight draining out of him all at once. 

With the thrill of victory that ripples through you, you make the mistake of loosening your hold on his jacket. He seizes the opportunity, twisting your arm and grabbing you by the bicep, pulling you close. He is running hot despite the chill of the rain, you have to force yourself not to relax into his heat. 

A moment passes, and then another. Neither of you move. The precipitation falls in sheets around you. You can't bring yourself to care. 

Your gaze slides from his chest to his neck to his jaw, backtracking the path of a stray raindrop. You chance a glance at his eyes, finding they are already on you, steely blue shimmering with the light of the streetlamp behind you. 

You love him. 

You wish the ground would crack open, allowing you to freefall straight down to hell. You imagine that would feel better - less painful - than this. 

You love him, and your skin burns with the feeling of it. You want to throw up. You want to kiss him. You want to pound your fists against his chest, curse him for doing this to you. 

You settle for allowing a sob to escape your throat. 

He releases you from his hold instantly at the sound. You scramble to grip his jacket to keep yourself upright - it's pitiful, the teeth of the zipper biting into the skin of your hands. The sharp pain comes as a tether, gifting you the space to ground yourself, to shove the tears back down. 

"I'm sorry," he whispers, tight and clipped. "I didn't mean to-"

"No," you cut him off, voice rough, grating. "It wasn't. You didn't hurt me."

"Okay," he mutters. 

You laugh. You love him and you can't help but laugh, sinking into the insanity of it. 

You feel him start to stiffen again, unsure. The feeling of his discomfort building under your fingers forces you back into yourself, realizing where you are, that you've been causing a scene on the corner down the block from his apartment. 

You release him, but you don't step away, tilting your head just enough to take in the sight of him - parted lips and a handful of freckles, blonde hair tinted green by the neon sign over the entrance of the convenience store a few feet away. 

"I'm sorry," you croak out, drifting back; wishing the rain would melt you down, suck you into the storm drain. That's the only thing that could pull you from him, you think; swirling down the gutters with the cigarette butts and the fallen cherry blossoms until you're laid to rest at the bottom of the Potomac. 

His nose twitches. "For what?"

That I can't find someone else, can't force myself away from you.

That I love you, but can't tell you.  

"For," you throw your hands out, weaker than before. "All of it."

He nods, "It's okay."

You don't want it to be, but you suddenly feel exhausted. Too tired to fight, to pull any more truths from him. 

"Take me home?" You request, you plead. 

He nods again, holding his hand out to you. "Yeah."

You intertwine your fingers with his own, the roughness of his callouses and scars soothing in their familiarity. 

The walk to his place is short. You don't bother trying to shake off the water before entering, leaving a trail of raindrops up the stairwell, down the hall, through his front door, across his apartment to the tiled floor of his bathroom. 

He reaches into the shower, cranking the hot water, allowing the stream to heat up as he helps you out of your wet clothes. He removes the drenched fabric piece by piece - jacket first, then your dress, unzipping it with even more care than the previous time. It doesn't slip off with the same ease, but his gentle fingers pull it from your skin until it falls away. He crouches to undo your shoes, allowing you to step out of them before reaching up and rolling your nylons, guiding them down your legs. 

He moves to do the same with your underwear, fingers resting on the waistband as he glances up to you, silently asking your permission even though he already has it, always will. There's no heat behind his actions, but the tenderness sears your skin all the same. You nod, a low ache settling into the center of your chest as he slides them off you before standing. You unclasp your bra; he doesn't comment on the matching set.

The steam of the boiling shower envelops you as you undress him in turn. You struggle with his belt buckle, stiff fingers uncooperative. He takes over and you drop to your knees to untie the laces of his boots, finding them mercifully secured with single-knots. You make quick work of them and he reaches down to help you up, moving you out of the way before he kicks them off. 

You assist him in pulling his shirt over his head, peeling the cotton away from his skin. You unbutton his jeans as he removes the clips from your hair, wet strands falling limply in front of your eyes. 

"Go ahead and get in, I'll go throw this stuff in the wash." His voice is mellifluous, sickeningly soft. 

It makes you feel like a kid, incompetent and helpless. You hate him for it. You hate yourself for twisting his kindness into something dark and disgusting. 

"I can help," you offer, because that's all you can do; already leaning down to collect your things. "You have to hang the jacket, it's-"

"Wool. I know," his hand brushes your back lightly, "it's okay. I'll be right back."

You straighten up, allowing him to guide you across the bathroom and help you into the tub. You slowly ease your way under the hot stream as he slides the shower curtain closed. 

You watch the shape of him through the cloudy plastic, shucking off his jeans and pulling off his socks. The sobs you had just barely choked down twice before make another escape attempt, clawing at your throat as you watch his shadow collect your clothes and move down the hall. 

You shut your eyes against the sudden emptiness of the room, against the tears and the silence and the panic; against the loathing and inferiority. You take the coward's way out, turning away from it all to hold your face up to the showerhead. 

He returns quickly, rustling around for a moment before slipping into the tub behind you. His presence awards you the bravery you needed to crack open your eyes, to clear your throat. "You're wrong, you know."

Exhaustion overshadows his amusement as he hums in question, "about what?"

Picking your hand up, you reach out slowly to slide your fingers along his collarbone, circle the puckered scar on his shoulder. "That I can find someone better." 

He scoffs, dropping his head, hair fluttering down to obscure his face. 

You move your hand to his neck, thumbing his jaw. "If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you, Leon." 

He shakes his head, but you ignore the action, continuing before he can protest. "Nobody can take care of me like you do - not even myself. I'm sorry" - for needing you, for burdening you; for loving you even though I'm unworthy of it - "for pushing you. I understand there are things you can't share, but I want whatever you can."

You sigh, shifting your hand at his neck to pull him to you; he follows you easily, achingly. "Even if it's just this." 

He nods minutely, hooking his arms over your hips and resting his forehead on yours. Answer delivered on a breath that floats across your lips, "alright." 

You remain in his arms, his agreement echoing in your mind in time with the beat of your heart in your chest. Seconds morph into minutes, only moving when the water begins to grow cold. 

You wash first, your shampoo and conditioner still on the rack next to his own. Leaving him under the stream, you make your way to his room after wrapping yourself in one of the towels he'd brought into the bathroom. 

Home. You had asked him to take you home and he brought you here, despite your own place being just a few blocks further in the opposite direction of his from the corner you had been on. But his assumption was right; this - he - was home to you.  

The emptiness of his apartment was unsettling at first, but it quickly grew comforting - no regrets staining the carpet; no photos on the dresser of you as a girl you don't remember being. Here you could be untethered from the past you didn't want; white walls graciously offering a clean slate, even if you didn't deserve it, didn't earn it. 

There is a shirt of his waiting on the bed for you, a pair of your pajama pants in the drawer next to his. Your stomach turns at the sight - no wonder he had tried to push you away; you had subconsciously settled into his space, his closet and his bed. 

Your mug in the sink, your pills behind the mirror - the reckless domesticity of it all is startling, terrifying. He had given you an inch and you had taken a mile, too eager for the chance to be something new. 

You pull on the clothes, making your way towards the balcony, a wave of nausea rolling through you under the soft cotton. Outside, it's still raining, translucent ropes sluicing off the overhang of the roof. 

You almost immediately regret stepping outside, feeling as if it's a betrayal of the care Leon took to get you warm; but you needed it. The chill of the air forces your thoughts to line up, to wait to be addressed one by one.

His hand leading you home, your wool coat hung to dry, his shirt waiting on the bed for you to occupy - each act a silent invitation; the realization stirs inside you, grips your collarbones from the inside. 

Could it be…?

You should ask him, but you've asked for more than enough tonight. 

He slides open the glass door, sweatpants low on his hips; the lamp on his nightstand illuminates him from behind, feathering out all his sharp edges. Maybe it's not love; maybe it's just lust, desire - a need so great it's all-consuming. You have no point of comparison to use as a frame of reference, to assist in finding the distinction. 

"I was away for a few days, there's not much in the fridge. Is ramen alright or do you want to order something?" He asks and it's love, you are suddenly sure of it. 

You turn; the sight of Leon in the buttery glow of the bedroom acting as a beacon, guiding you through the terror. "Ramen is fine."

[mrsevans90]

Puppy Love

Captain Syverson x OFC Emma Miller Part 10

Summary: Austin Syverson has returned to Texas after retiring from the military and starts his own contracting business. Syverson is used to being alone and thinks he prefers it that way. While at work he stumbles upon an injured and abused puppy. When he meets the new veterinarian in town, Emma Miller, he is immediately smitten with her. It turns out Emma has some baggage of her own. Will they be able to make it work? Or is it just a case of fleeting puppy love?

Pairing: Henry Cavill as Captain Austin Syverson x OFC Emma Miller 

Warnings: smut (oral/m receiving), talks of period intercourse, detailed PTSD flashback, graphic death of character discussed, self-deprecating talk, language

MINORS DNI! Must be 18+

I do not authorize any copying/pasting, stealing of my work, or using my words as your own. 

This story is not beta’d. All mistakes are my own.

A/N: I am an imperfect person who makes mistakes. All that I ask is to please be kind and if you enjoy it then please comment and REPOST! I appreciate any love, comments, and reposts more than you could know. Thank you for reading! 

Author's Note: This is a heavy chapter--- Big time PTSD flashback so consider yourself warned! Also, I purposely chose to not use characters in the flashback from the movie Sand Castle. I just didn’t want to kill off anyone’s fave character, so we are going to pretend this flashback was another mission from another deployment right before Sy retired not related to the movie. It was just easier for my conscious to write it that way. 

Part 9

All night long I have nightmares about the war. I wake and try to reset myself like the therapist taught me with deep breathing, water, change of environment, etc.; but nothing is working. I maybe only get about 2 hours of sleep total and I’m exhausted. I still go on my run to try and exhaust myself even more so that maybe tonight I will pass out into a dreamless sleep. I try to fake enthusiasm for whatever Nana is rambling on about in her phone call to me on the way to work but I’m sure she can tell that I’m starting to spiral. Alex can tell that today is one of those days so he asks me if I’m good and when I grunt at him he keeps his distance. God, I’m an ass but I’m obviously not good and I just can’t talk to him about it. Nobody really understands except the boys that I was with when it happened and several of them are dead now. I’m supposed to be their leader and I feel like I should have my shit together. My nightmares continue to worsen throughout the week and I feel like I overcompensate by working harder or exerting myself in more difficult physical pursuits in hopes of tiring my body and my brain out. I forced myself to run four additional miles on Friday even though my leg quickly protested. I focused on pushing through the pain and ended up having to ice my leg after work.

Friday evening finally rolls around, and Emma shows up at the house as planned with a little overnight bag in tow and homemade banana pudding. I’m cooking us some chicken and veggies out back on the grill when she arrives and I feel like I calm a bit just being in her presence. She still looks absolutely adorable as she shows up wearing comfortable clothes-a tank top and soft shorts. I love that she’s feeling relaxed enough with me to just be her most authentic self. After we eat, I fill my belly up with her decadent dessert and I swear I see stars. She’s quite the chef; as if she needed any more of a direct line to my belly or my heart. Assuming she’s still on her period, I ask her if she’s feeling alright and she nods but doesn’t offer more. I suggest we get in bed and watch a movie and she gleefully agreed. We get all cozied up in bed and she chooses a rom-com to put on. Not my first choice, but I’ll do anything to make her smile like that. It’s nice having someone other than myself warm my bed. We fall asleep easily tangled in each other and I’m relieved that I have no nightmares. Maybe Emma is the cure to my nightmares? Or did I really succeed in tiring myself out enough that I slept too hard to dream. Either way, I’m not complaining.

Saturday morning. I wake up at my usual time and smile to myself at finally getting a decent night of sleep. I lay in bed watching my girl dream before I decide to get up and go for a run. If it’s the exercise that helped me sleep last night, I’m not going to miss the opportunity to do it again. I leave a little note on Emma’s nightstand and decide to only run two miles today so I don’t fuck up my leg more than I probably already have. When I get back home, Emma is still a mess of hair and sheets and I can tell that she never missed me. Her hair is halfway across her face, one of her breasts is almost spilling out of her twisted tank top, and the covers are tangled all in her legs which brings a smile to my face. For someone so effortlessly beautiful, she’s kind of a mess when she sleeps and I can’t help but find that to be one of the most endearing things ever. I attempt to take a quick shower and am surprised when ice cold hands wrap around my stomach as my eyes are closed under the spray of the water and I jump like a cat. 

“Damn woman! Your hands are ice cubes.” I say as she laughs uncontrollably.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to startle you.” She says as she hugs me from behind. 

“I woke up and heard the shower running so I figured you wouldn’t mind if I joined you.” 

“Always, join me Sugar. My favorite showers are the ones with you.” I tell her as I turn around to see her. She’s got her beautiful hair tied up in a bun on top of her head and I shift her so that the water runs down her body to warm her up. I spy her adjust the temperature higher and I can’t help myself.

“What is it with women taking showers equivalent to the heat of lava?” She smiles.

“We are colder than you are. Gotta warm up somehow.” She presses a sweet kiss to my lips before turning around and washing her body. I can’t help but stand there like a creep watching her but I’ll never turn down an opportunity to see her wet and soapy.

“I hope you don’t mind that I hijacked your shower.” She smiled sweetly.

“Darlin’, I was done anyway. Now I’m just here for the show.” I arch my eyebrow at her as she spies my obvious erection.

“Let me help you.” She seductively suggests.

“I can help us both.” I offer but she shakes her head.

“Still on my period.” She replies without making eye contact.

“So?”

“We can’t have sex when I’m on my period!” She looks completely shocked.

“Says who? You know, sex actually helps relieves cramps.”  

“But..I might get blood on your…”

“Dick? What’s your point?”

“Isn’t that gross?” 

“Sugar, I told ya, I’m a man. A little blood isn’t going to scare me off. Now if you’re not interested because you don’t feel well or you just don’t want too, I have no problem with that. But, if you’re not interested because you think I’m going to be grossed out or something, I promise I won’t be. You can have me anytime you want, Sweetness. There’s no pressure either way. If you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t mention it again.”

“Maybe give me some time to come around to the idea of it. I’ve never really considered it as an option.”

“Sure thing, babygirl.”

“You are something else, Bear. You mean it when you said I can have you anytime I want?”

“Mmhmm.” I say as her fingertips trail down my abdomen and she wraps her hand around my throbbing cock.

“Can I taste you?”

“Always, but don’t feel like you have too. I’ll be alright if not.”

“I want too.” She says before pushing me towards the shower bench and taking me in her mouth. In no time at all, I’m coming down her throat after receiving one of the best blowjobs of my life. She has my legs trembling from the stimulation and I can’t help but caress her cheek and kiss her gently when I come back to reality.

“my EmKay.” I whisper as I kiss her tenderly.

“Your EmKay?” She asks. 

“Mmhmm.” 

“Funny, I don’t remember being asked to be yours.” She haughtily replies.

“Ya’ ain’t going to make this easy on me, are ya?” Shit, what am I doing. I should have thought this through. She shouldn't want to be with me. The unreal blowjob has me not thinking clearly.

“Now why would I do that?” She retorts with a smile. I palm her cheek so that she’s looking right at me.

“Will you be my woman?” I ask seriously. Fuck it. Why not?

“Only if you’re my man.” 

“Well, I’ve been told that I’m a bear, but I’ll be your man too.” I joke before pressing my lips against Emma’s in a feverish kiss.

As the water gets cold, we finally climb out and get dressed for the day. I decide to take Emma out for breakfast at the diner in town before we go in search of furniture for her guest bedroom. Her parents are arriving next weekend and it was adorable when she shyly asked me if I’d be willing to meet them. I assured her that I’d be happy too and to just let me know when.

We spend a few hours at the furniture store where Emma purchases a matching bedroom set before going to a mattress store and trying out all of the mattresses to determine which would be a good purchase for her guest bedroom. They are able to deliver it same day which is nice so we pick a time for it to arrive that afternoon. We then head to a department store so she can pick out curtains, bed linens, and other odds and ends that I’m told a room requires like lamps and decorations. Being a single man for the majority of my adulthood that was mostly away in the military, I didn’t realize how much work women put into buying all of this shit. Why does she need the guest bath towels to match the hand towel in the bathroom? Or all of the little knick-knack items she bought to go on the dresser? I’m even more confused when she was discussing bed trains? No bed skirts. I’ve slept on friends couches without even a blanket but she’s really rolling out the red carpet for her parents. It’s a bit concerning if they are expecting all of this from their daughter who has lived here for under two months. Maybe they don’t expect it and she’s just trying to show them that she’s a capable adult who plans on settling here. I watch as she spends a small fortune trying to get everything in order for their visit. It’s obvious that she values their opinions. What if they don’t like me? I’m certainly different from the preppy type of guy that they’re used to seeing her with. I’m kind of rough around the edges and although I think I’m pretty smart, I certainly don’t hold advanced degrees. I’m broken from my thoughts when Emma asks my opinion about curtains. It’s sweet that she wants my opinion but I’m a fish out of water when it comes to decorating.

We load up all of the stuff and head back to Emma’s house where I get started hanging curtains as we wait on the furniture and mattress delivery. Emma orders us pizza and we munch on pizza and beer for a while. I’m regretting all of my additional workouts after I finally get the bed put together and the mattress put on it. Emma tried to help but she’s so little I didn’t want her to hurt herself so I ended up just man-handling it myself. She had washed the new bedding and put everything together before we took a look at it and she dove across the top of the bed. Emma patted the space beside her and I laid down next to her on top of the comforter. 

“I’m fucking exhausted and I didn’t even lift the heavy stuff.” She exhaled.

“I didn’t realize it was so much work to put together a bedroom. You sure know what you’re doing though.”

“Thank you. I just pick what I like. I couldn’t have done it all without you though, so thank you, baby. I can’t wait to have them visit and see that I’ve got my shit together here. That I’m not some dumb kid who needs rescuing. I’m able to handle myself.” Ahh, so I was right about that. It’s about proving herself to her parents.

“I think they’ll be impressed, Sugar. I know I am.” I smile at her before yawning.

She kisses my lips before scratching my beard gently. 

“Can we go back to yours, shower and then go to sleep? I’m dead on my feet.” She asks as she stands up and fluffs the new pillows. Why are there like 5 pillows that will just get thrown on the floor? Seems wasteful.

“You still want to come back to mine with me?”

She nods. “I want to be with you and the pups. Since they are at yours, it wouldn’t make sense to get them and come back here. I always sleep really good with you…Unless you’re too tired for a sleep over.” She says sheepishly and I wrap my arms around her.

“Nothing could be better than having my girl in my bed with me.” I tell her because I’m beginning to believe it’s the truth. “Let’s go.” 

We turn out all of the lights and lock up before heading back to mine. Emma’s car is still parked out front from where she left it and it makes me happy that she wants to be here with me. There’s a summer storm approaching and the wind has picked up which has Emma’s hair twirling in the breeze. I pull the patio cushions inside when I let the dogs out to do their business. After a quick shower because we are both too tired to do anything but clean ourselves, we do our nighttime routines before climbing into bed. Emma snuggles next to me with her head on my chest and I’m confident that it’s going to be a good night as we drift off to sleep.

It’s hot, but more than just hot. It’s sweltering. I can feel the sweat rolling down my chest and my back. It’s the type of unbearable heat that has your clothes sticking to your skin the instant you walk out of the mess hall. Then you add your gear, and the added weight from your gear plus your sweat soaked clothes is a certain feeling that I’ll never forget. I smell the smoke of an explosion further in the distance. We have our orders and it’s my job to lead our special forces team in to execute our orders exactly like planned. The problem with that is that most things never go as planned. It would be easy for this to be a cookie cutter mission where we get in and out and go back to base and fuck around for the rest of the afternoon. No, this will require me thinking on my feet at every turn. It’s what I’m trained for, hell, I’m the best which is why I’m the captain. I’ve got seven men with me whose lives rely on me assessing our situation and giving correct orders. They are sons, husbands, fathers, brothers, and friends who have people waiting on them at home. Each order I give is weighted by the knowledge that I’m responsible for them. We’re crouched in different positions behind the old dilapidated building that the informant said our guy would be in. The sun is glaring across our faces but we’re in the best position we could be in for this mission. We’ve been after this specific hostile for months and never been this close to him before. We can hear men inside the building, yelling in Arabic and moving around so we must remain completely silent. If we can hear them, they could hear us. We are ghosts that can’t be seen or heard but must work as a team for this to go smoothly. If one person spots us, it will turn into a close-range gun fight that I can’t imagine we will all win. I inhale deeply and even though there is dust on every inch of myself and the ground, I try to focus my thoughts. 

As I am about to give orders to direct my guys to move on to the next step of our plan, I hear the tell-tale whistle of a bullet zipping through the air. I swivel to the left with my gun and look for the insurgent. I can’t see anyone but the bullet buries itself in the left shoulder of Waites across the way from me. We were fucking set up. I swing my gun back around and that’s when it happens, I hear the bullet and feel it explode into my lower left thigh at the same time blood spews from my friend, Goodwin’s head who had crouched beside me when I stood to look for the shooter. My leg gives out and I instantly drop down into the dirt to where I’m level with Goodwin’s face and it’s obvious, he was killed instantly. His eyes are still opened and he has a massive wound to the head. Anthony. Fuck. His girlfriend is expecting a baby girl in a few months. My leg is burning from the inside out but my adrenaline spike helps me ignore the pain and I grab my gun and instantly start shooting towards the rooftop where I believe the sniper might be. I hear Brown screaming before I realize he’s got Waites against the building and is yelling into the radio for help. I watch as insurgents start coming out of the building we were casing and I start taking them out. Lowell goes down. Setas is either hurt or attempting to provide aid to Lowell. I can’t tell but I never stop shooting. Ramirez is also trying to find the source of the ambush with his own gun. Bullets are flying, many from my own gun as I empty the clip into the only building the sniper could have been on, Browns pleas for backup, along with Waites heavy gurgling breaths fill my ears. I feel a hand on my arm and flinch.

            “Austin! Captain…Captain Syverson. Look at me.” Two hands on either side of my face help me focus in. “St..Stand down. You are safe, the threat has been eliminated. Your superiors have given orders to return to base for further instruction. Do you understand?” 

I blink against the water that’s dripping down my face. Emma?

“My men. The injured men in my unit. Where?”

“They are at base getting medical. Captain, I need you to confirm that you understand me.”

I blink and then nod slowly. “Roger that.” I mutter distractedly. I look around. I’m in the backyard of my house, leaning against the brick exterior in my underwear. I have my pistol tucked in the back of the waistband of my boxers and I’m wearing the boots I leave by the back door. In my hands I’m clutching my old hunting rifle that I keep on the top shelf of my closet. Shit. I’ve done it again. I’ve had a PTSD nightmare, but this is so much worse because Emma is here to witness it. I look over at her. She’s crouching on her knees in front of me wearing nothing but my water-soaked t-shirt and panties while she’s barefoot in the mud. Water is dripping from the ends of her hair from the rain that’s pouring down on us. She looks terrified and concerned. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry.” My throat aches either from unshed tears or maybe I was yelling earlier.

“Austin, baby, are you back?”

I nod. “Emma, I’m so sorry.” I mutter as tears mix with the rain that drips down my face. This is what I was afraid would happen if I got close to her. If I let her in. I would relax and then my past would quite literally present itself.

“Baby, don’t be. You’re okay, we’re okay.” She tells me as she reaches towards my face that’s now aimed at the ground.

“Aika?” 

“I left her inside. I know you said she could help but I wasn’t able to tell if your rifle was loaded and I didn’t want her startling you and there being an accident.” 

Jesus. She was afraid I’d shoot my own dog, because she’s right, I was nowhere near my right mind. Here we are over six months since my last flashback yet this was the most involved PTSD episode I’ve ever had. Thank fuck I keep my ammunition locked and separate from my guns for situations like this. 

She stands and reaches to help me up but I can’t let her help me stand. My leg feels as though it has been shot just yesterday but that could be a result of me crouching on my knees in freezing rain outside in the middle of the night, not just the psychological pain from my flashback. 

“Come on baby.” She takes the rifle from my hand and I don’t protest. I follow her silently back to the house. The air conditioning on our soaked skin has both of our bodies covered in goose bumps. Aika bounds to me whining and crying and I sit down in a chair from the table and run my hands through her thick fur. I bury my face into her back and focus on breathing. My palm clutches my leg that’s radiating phantom pain from where I got shot. Emma appears next to me with a towel but hesitates. 

“Can I help you clean up a bit?” She gestures with the towel.

I nod and she leans down and starts wiping the mud off of my legs. 

“Sugar, I…”

“Baby, nothing needs to be said. I’m okay, and you are going to be. Would you take a warm shower with me?” I look at her and want to just burst into tears. How is she so kind and understanding after what I just did? After what I could have done?

“Please?” She urges and I nod. I follow her to the master bathroom and watch as she turns the water on. Aika stays close and sits down behind me in the bathroom floor. I have no idea what time it is in the night or early morning or how long she’s been awake dealing with me. Emma pulls out two fresh towels for us and then whips the sodden shirt off of her torso before removing her panties. She looks at me and then slowly and gently eases my soaked boxer briefs down my legs before taking my hand and pulling for me to get in the shower. Once I step in, steam surrounds me and I take a deep breath. I’m exhausted, flashbacks always take the energy out of me and it’s not like I’ve been sleeping great this past week. Emma begins lathering a wash cloth with soap and gently starts cleaning me. I stand there perfectly still and let her do what she wants as I attempt to think of anything that I could say to make this situation better. I’m aching with embarrassment. Once she washes me, she quickly washes herself before turning around and caressing her hand on my cheek. She leans down and picks up my wrists that were laying limp by my sides and wraps them around her waist before putting her own around my neck. My eyes are aimed down focusing on the suds swirling around the shower drain.

“Baby, look at me.” She says with the sincerest and worried look on her face and that’s when my resolve breaks. I bury my face into her neck as the hot tears stream from my eyes. I can’t seem to stop them and I ache when I hear myself let out a sob that sounds so painful and broken even to my own ears. Emma tightens her arms around me and guides me back to the bench that we once used for a much different form of intimacy. Emma curls herself around me and holds me tightly while I fully break down. Once my breath starts to come easier, I carefully pull my head from her shoulder and try to clean my face up.

“Let’s dry off and lay down.” She says as she turns off the water and starts toweling me off. I gently take the towel from her, not wanting to be babied but not wanting to seem ungrateful. Once we dry off, Emma hands me some boxers and she tosses on a dry shirt and panties on before we sit on the bed. It’s silent and I feel like I have to say something.

“I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be thinkin’ but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I woke you, scared you and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I completely understand if this is the last time I see you.” I say quietly and she looks shocked.

“Austin, I’m not going anywhere. This is what relationships are about. Holding each other through the good and bad. I’m not scared and you’re not fucked up. You’re haunted and although I don’t know the details of it, I want to help you through it. Even if you don’t want my help, I’m not leaving you.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I should be better. I survived, Damnit! I shouldn’t have any problems. Goodwin, Lowell, Waites, they are the ones who died. I just got shot in my stupid fucking leg after leading them to their deaths!” I sob.

“You are allowed to have problems. Their deaths are hard on you but you are not responsible for it. I don’t know what happened, but I know it’s not your fault.”

“The informant set us up, we were ambushed. Goodwin, God. Goodwin got shot right in front of me. I watched the life drain from his eyes. He has a little girl that he’s never met. If I had questioned the mission from my superiors or done more digging on the informant, they would all be alive right now. I had to look at their family members at their funerals and I’ll never forget the grief from their loved ones. Goodwin’s pregnant girlfriend, Lowell’s widow, Waites’ mom. I still see them sobbing over their caskets in my mind. I didn’t deserve to live when they didn’t get too.” I finally say out loud. I take deep breaths attempting to calm my body from going into another spiral.

“Bear.” Emma reaches for me.

“It’s been years and I still get like this. Hell, it might be getting worse. I don’t think this is something I’ll just get over. I’m too fucked up, Emma. You deserve someone who doesn’t have these types of demons.” My eyes blink heavily.

“You are not fucked up. I deserve you because you treat me better than I’ve ever been treated before.” My eyes droop and I know it’s a result of the flashback. When I have them, my body goes through the trauma all over again so when the adrenaline finally stops coursing through my body, I basically crash.

“Love, you look exhausted. Can you try to sleep for me?” She asks and gently pushes for me to lay down. My head is resting between her breasts as she lays back on her back. We’ve never laid like this before but it’s comforting.

“I’m right here, I’m not leaving. Aika’s here and so is Mills.” She tells me while caressing my head but my eyes are already closed, too heavy to fight staying open longer. I wrap my arm around her waist and within moments, I’m deeply asleep soothed by the steady rhythm of Emma’s heartbeat as she caresses my scalp.

Part 11

Taglist: @shellyshellshell, @henryownsme, @caramariehurst, @beck07990, @mollymal, @kingliam2019, @syversonswife, @identity2212, @starfirewildheart, @hannah9921, @wa-ni, @kneelforloki, @cutedoxie, @enchantedbytomandhenry, @foxyjwls007, @geralts-yenn, @courtlynwriter, @corrie1013, @squeezyvalkyrie, @summersong69, @livisss, @mayloma, @uunotheangel, @warriormirkwood

[slicznymartwy]

billy lenz x gn!reader (established)

exploring billy’s hypersexuality a little bit .. could be interpreted as billy being an sa victim, but i don’t go into any kind of explicit detail.  warnings: implied sa, reader not giving consent and billy getting upset about it (theres a kind of happy ending, though !!)

You have had a very, very long day: a failed exam, with another scheduled for later in the week; a quiz you completely forgot about; a sorority event that you were so late to, you might as well have not gone at all. So much shit piled on top of you that all you wanted to do was sleep and forget all about the disaster of a day. 

For the first time since meeting him, you felt irritated by the sound of Billy sneaking into your bed, letting himself in between your sheets.

Billy kisses your throat, and you sigh as you gently push him away. 

“Not tonight,” you say quietly. Billy must not hear you. He kisses you again, on your jaw now. You push him away, harder this time, to no avail. 

“Just the tip,” he whispers, lips bumping against your cheek. He tries to kiss your lips, but misses as you turn your face away. “Just wanna feel it… Wanna feel your hot cunt on my cock.”

“No, Billy,” you say firmly. He groans, irritated. 

“I want to,” he says petulantly. 

“I don’t,” you respond. 

“I hate you. You’re so mean,” Billy says. You think you said that to him once, and you hate him for using them against you now. 

“Go fuck someone else, then,” you say bitterly, pushing him off you completely. 

“I will,” he said darkly. He stares down at you, sitting up now. The moon shines behind him, casting his figure in darkness until he was only a silhouette. 

“Good. Maybe you’ll like them more and finally leave me alone,” you regret it after you say it, but you never liked being the bigger person, especially when it came to Billy. He always knew how to poke your buttons. 

Billy leaves the room without another word, but his glare stays on you until it physically can’t. You half expect him to throw a tantrum in the hallway, or to barge into one of your sisters’ rooms and take one of them instead, but you hear his footsteps going up the ladder before it’s quiet in the house again. You should have, Billy was all bark and no bite most of the time. 

The next night, he comes in. He doesn’t touch you when he lays down on his back beside you. You have nothing to say to him, so you turn your back to him and try your hardest to fall asleep.

“I don’t want to have sex with you,” he says into the quiet room.

Thinking he’s making fun of you, you scoff and pull your blanket tighter around yourself. He sighs heavily, and you can feel the bed move as he fidgets with his hands.

There’s nothing for a while, but then he touches your elbow. He’s so gentle, that you can’t recognize the feeling at first.

You look back at him over his shoulder, and he looks messed up. His eyes are red, and underneath them are dark bags that make him look tired and sick. His face is drawn and expressionless, but you can see through him easier these days. He looks so wrecked, and your heartbreaks for him.

“Billy,” you coo, anger forgotten.

“I don’t want to have sex with you!” he says, voice breaking. 

You struggle with how to interpret him, but when he hugs you and hides into your chest, you think you can maybe understand.

“It’s okay,” you sooth him softly. You rub his back, and he shakes his head against your shirt. It turns into him rubbing his face against you, seeking your comfort however he can get it. “We don’t have to have sex.”

“Okay,” he says, voice small.

“We can just lay here. It’s just you and me, Billy. No one can force us to do anything,” you whisper, stroking his hair.

“No one,” he repeats, settling his cheek against your chest.

“I’m sorry for saying I wanted you to leave me alone yesterday. Please don’t leave me,” you say softly.

“I don’t hate you,” he says, his voice low and quiet. It rumbles in his chest, and you hold him tighter to your body. It should be scary to love someone this much, but it isn’t. It feels easy, like two puzzle pieces finally finding each other after years of being forced into other pieces. 

© slicznymartwy 2023, please do not repost or copy.

a/n: reblogs and replies are really appreciated

[xxnghtclls]

Permission

Chapter 24

(Chapter 23; Chapter 25)

True Form Sukuna x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Warning: Graphic Depiction Of Violence

Please see Chapter 1 for tags!

Your Place

Sukuna starts to walk inside, you hesitate, but a fresh breeze hitting your back urges you to get going. The door closes behind you and you find yourself walking down the dark stairs. Soon the cold stone is illuminated by Uraumes candle. Following Sukuna, you quietly make your way through the dark corridors.

It’s silent.

No one seems to be outside of their quarters. After a few minutes, you arrive in the hallway, that you used to clean every single day. A weird weight falls upon your heart, as you go around the corner and see the door to your very own quarters. You come to a halt in front of it and watch Sukuna go further in the direction of his own. Uraume stops right next to you and bows their head.

“Welcome back and good night, y/n.” they say before they leave.

“Good night.” you whisper, bowing your head as well, before you turn your gaze back to Sukuna, meeting his eyes for a brief second, before he disappears behind the corner.

Trembling, your hand opens the door to your room.

A candle flickers next to your futon, some rice cakes are placed there as well. It’s tidy and warm in here. A new kimono and a yukata to sleep in is neatly placed on the covers. The lump in your throat is steadily growing, your mind trying hard not to let the tears flow. You sigh and gently place the stags fur next to the futon, as well as the dagger. Going to the bowl of water that’s sitting in the corner of your room, you clean yourself up with a piece of soap and after patting yourself dry with a fresh drying cloth, you change into the yukata and place the kimono aside. You lay down.

Uncomfortable.

You blow out the candle, before your eyes fall upon Sukuna’s kimono. A trembling exhale escapes your lips, before you reach for it. You look at it, stroke your thumb over the soft fabric, thinking about all what happened. Slowly, you put the kimono against your chest. Gently at first, but the heartache pulls at it. Unconsciously, you press it harder and harder against your chest, before you raise the fabric and press your face into it, hoping you would smell him on there. You do, next to your own smell and dirt and you’re not sure if it makes this situation any easier.

This situation.

This situation meaning just to be in a different room than him. It’s hard for you and you wonder if he feels the same. You hope he does.

He must be. He cursed me after all.

Lips trembling, you sniff into his clothes, as you allow to let your tears flow. Finally your heart accepted its truth and now you’re here without him.

What if I told him?

Would it be different now?

You sob and sob, hoping crying would make you tired enough to fall asleep, would make it easier without having him right next to you.

It doesn’t.

You ponder, thinking about if you should just go over to him. Getting up, you walk around in your room, the ache in your heart being almost unbearable. You look out the window into the night sky.

Sniff.

Your nose is swollen up, breathing is harder than it already is. The stars seem calm and the insects are playing their song, it must be rather late by now. Anxiety grips you by the throat, your heart rate increases and you keep walking back and forth, lay down, get up again, sit down again. You tell yourself to keep it together, since he’s not far away from you, just around the corner.

But he’s not here.

With me.

After two more hours of staring into the darkness, you get up, roll up the fur and tug it under your left arm.

Fuck it.

You open your door quietly, before tiptoeing around the corner to his quarters. The last time you did this, he was fucking someone else. You listen…

and to your relief, it’s silent. No moans and breathing. You shake your head, trying to forget what you witnessed here and raise your hand to knock. With a pounding heart, you hesitate.

What if he wants to be left alone?

Minutes pass without you being able to move.

He was already patient enough…

But I need him.

My heart.

Suddenly the door in front of you slides open, catching you off guard. Sukuna stands in the frame, still wearing his ripped kimono on his waist, as his eyes squint softly. Stern, red orbs piercing into yours. Your hand still risen to knock, your swollen eyes opened wide in shock, not sure what to do or say.

It’s not easy for you to read his gaze, if he expected you to be right here in front of his door or not, if he’s relieved to see you or not.

You swallow.

“I-I’m sorry, my King.” you whisper, as you avert your gaze and turn around, ready to walk back into your room.

“Come.” he quietly says. His words make you freeze in your spot, heart aching even more. A moment passes, before you turn around slowly, not daring to look at his face, while you walk past his figure into his quarters.

It looks exactly like you remember. The door to the gardens opened up, a small fire flickering in the corner of his room. The sheets neatly placed upon his bed, he didn’t even sit down on them. You wonder what he did while you were fighting with yourself these past hours, if he was as restless as you. Making your way to his bed, you roll out the fur on the floor right next to it, in front of his armchair and fireplace. The sound of his kiseru hits your ears, as he takes a puff. The smell of tobacco creeps into your nose, while you lay down on the fur, facing the fireplace and close your eyes.

You listen to him walking around in his room, smoking his pipe, standing in the door to the gardens.

Maybe he’s lost in thought.

Not allowing to let sleep swallow you, you keep listening to him and you feel, that having him near you, gives you so much comfort. Your heart calms down. His bare feet tap across the floor right next to you, before you hear him sitting down in his armchair. You squint your eyes open, see his feet resting near you.

“Permission to touch you, my King.” you whisper. Old words, that you almost forgot. He doesn’t respond verbally, just gently slides his right foot closer to you. The fingers of your right hand, so small in comparison to his feet, softly touch his instep, moving up, before feeling the tattooed ring on his ankle. Your thumb draws circles over his warm skin, feel him, before you let your hand slide down and place the back of your hand against the side of his foot.

Then you let sleep wash itself over you, feeling his warmth against the back of your hand.

You wake up, unusually comfortable. With the fireplace crackling in front of you, you almost forgot, that you aren’t in the woods anymore. You open your eyes. Sukuna still sits in the armchair right next to you, your hand still leaning against his foot. Looking up, you see him having his face resting on his right fist, all of his eyes closed and you wonder if he’s actually sleeping this time. His remaining hands are resting on his lap. So calm and peaceful he looks, while his chest gently moves up and down. Breathing. Even the air that softly escapes his nostrils is audible.

Adorable.

It’s probably best if you leave soon, before someone comes in and sees you. Quietly you get up. Standing right in front of the calm beast, you lean forward, your face inches from his, watching his beautiful calm face. Your heart flutters, breath stumbles, eyes longing.

I love you.

“Say it.”

He opens his eyes, as if he heard your thoughts. Your eyes widen, shock spreads in your gut, cheeks burning red.

Why do I keep believing he is sleeping???

“W-What?” you stutter.

“Your mind keeps knocking at mine when you look at me like that.” he grumbles.

Shit.

Your lips tremble for words.

“I-I was about to thank you for letting me spending the night here.”

He eyes your face, cocking his eyebrow.

“Quietly.” you add.

“Lie.���

“Well, I didn’t want to wake you.” your face burns red, before you quickly turn around to gather the fur. “I’m sorry, my King.” you mumble, bowing your head to him, before stumbling to his door.

“I didn’t allow you to leave yet.” he grumbles, as you reach out to slide it open.

“I don’t want to bother you.” you lie, without turning back to him.

“You’re a terrible liar. You were the one standing in front of my door last night.”

Just let me go before someone else comes in!

You sigh and turn back to him.

“Yet, you were the one opening said door, before I even had the chance to knock.” you walk back up to him, leaning in. “Perhaps you were the one who wanted to come and knock on my door.” you tease in a whisper, smirking at him.

His lip twitches, before his lips curl into a smirk. Your breath hitches, smirk fading.

Was he?

He nudges his nose against yours and opens his mouth to say something, as suddenly…

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Fuck!

Your eyes widen and your heart feels like its about to stop. Bowing your head, you step aside, pushing your back against the wall. The door slides open.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Your heart is pounding in your throat, while you listen to someone stepping into the room.

“Master Sukuna.” Uraumes voice rings through your ear. It relieves you, sort of. You exhale, having not noticed that you held your breath. They walk a few steps into the room. In the corner of your eye, you see Sukuna placing his head back on his hand, eyeing Uraume, as they make their way into the room.

“Your presence is requested for a hearing. Do you accept?” they ask politely. Sukuna ponders, taps three times on this armrest, before he nods.

“As you wish, Master Sukuna. The throne is ready for your arrival.” they bow their head, before heading out again.

You notice how business is carried on like nothing ever happened, as if he wasn’t gone at all. The door slides shut.

Silence.

“They’re waiting for you already.” you mumble. “I should go.”

“You’re coming with me.” he orders, making your heart drop. “Get dressed.”

You sigh and look up to him. A short exchange of glances and without any more words, you go to his door, slide it open and leave his room.

Going into your room, you place the fur next to your futon, not even bothering to roll it out yet, before you turn to the neatly folded new kimono. Again it looks similar to his, white fabric, same obi, same dark blue edges. Deep red and black ornaments decorate the sleeves and hem.

He really is persistent.

You take a deep breath before putting it on. Patting the fabric smooth, you conclude it really does look good on you, his trademarks look good on you. It’s pretty and at least you don’t feel cold anymore. Remembering last night, the way he looked at you when you were standing in front of his door, you wonder if his heart was longing for you the same way your heart did for him.

Was he really about to knock on my door last night?

Knock.

Knock.

Knock.

Especially hard, frequent knocks on your door make you jump. You open the door and see Sukuna waiting for you outside. His side is facing you, as he eyes you from over his shoulder, nails tapping on the tattooed rings on his biceps, while his arms are crossed in front of his torso. He looks freshened up, his hair put in place. He wears his black sirwal, the fabric hanging low on his waist. He’s looking like a warrior, like a King.

He looks… hot.

You swallow and try to regain control over your face again, while your clit throbs in the same beat as your heart does, before you lower your head and walk out of your door.

Both of you make your way to the throne room, passing not one of the other girls, since all of them are probably already there. Your heart rate goes up, the need to flee knocks at your mind, but you suppress it.

For him.

Your feet stop in front of the door, your nervous breathing is audible. Standing to his right, you feel him turning his head to look at you. You look back up to him, only to see the stern look on his face, his mind probably telling you to keep your shit together... or at least you hope he would have this kind of encouraging words for you.

The door opens.

A short peek to the inside tells you, that all the girls are gathered there, exactly like the last times. Sitting and standing all over the huge pile of bones that make up his throne. The bitch is sitting on the left side next to his throne, just like the last time you were there. The new girl is standing on the right side.

…on my place.

Your heart keeps pounding, your stomach churns, before you lower your head back down. Sukuna starts walking and after taking a deep breath, you follow him. It’s silent, only the tapping of your feet are audible. The air is thick and you feel like a thousand eyes are piercing into you, while you follow Sukuna and climb the stairs to his throne. Climbing the stairs feels like an eternity and you don’t know what will happen up there.

I’m scared.

Arriving at the top, the girl looks at Sukuna with her bright eyes, visibly happy to see him again.

“My King!“ she squeals, as Sukuna comes to a halt in front of her, looking down on her.

“Forgot your manners?” his voice smooth, but intimidating. Standing behind him, you can’t see the look on his face, but judging by her fading smile and widening eyes, he must’ve given her a reason to fear him. An unexpected swing of his right hand in front of her face and suddenly blood starts squirting out of her eyelids. Everyone winces at his actions and you gasp in shock, as high pitched screams of agony and pain echo through the hall, while she falls to her knees and cries, holding her face in her hands, while blood keeps flowing down between her fingers.

“Stupid bitch.” he murmurs, while he sits down, smearing away some blood that hit his face, before licking it off his thumb. Two of nearby standing girls are quick to help the now blinded girl and carry her past you down the stairs.

“Shut her mouth and keep her in here. She may keep listening.” he says in an annoyed tone, placing his head on his upper left hand, his eyes shortly meeting yours. You avert your gaze again and climb the last three steps. Before you arrive at your spot, you catch the bitch looking into your direction. She squints her eyes at you, before you avert your gaze and kneel down next to Sukunas left knee.

Feeling the warmth of his leg right next to you, you try to wrap your head around what just happened.

Was he pissed at her for looking and speaking without permission or w as he pissed she stood in my place?

Whatever it was, he secured your place at his side and it makes you proud and you gather the confidence to raise your head a little bit. No matter how brutal and bloody it was, the constant sobbing of the girl, quietly echoing through the halls, kind of sounds like… music to you.

The door opens another time and you hear footsteps coming in. Multiple. It’s the man who was there at the last hearing, begging for support. You notice, that this time he’s accompanied by two other men. As soon as you recognise him, you shift on your knees, slowly turn around, so that your back is facing them. You rest your face against Sukunas thigh, looking up to him with a longing gaze in your eyes. He looks back at you, squints his eyes, before his upper pair of eyes focus on the men down there. The bottom pair of eyes keep looking at you, as you gently rub your face along the fabric of his sirwal.

“King Sukuna!” the man starts behind your back. “Again I am coming to you to ask for your support. The circumstances have changed…”

His voice liquifies in your head, as you start to concentrate on your King and your King only. Not listening to any of that insects bullshit, not listening to any words and your mind starts to wander off. You stare at Sukunas face, deep into his eyes, watch him react to what the man has to say. Once in a while Sukuna will look at you with all of his four eyes, pupils growing each time, before turning his attention back to the man. Well. At least half of it. His bottom pair of eyes keep staring back at you. When he looks back at you, there’s this feeling again. The way your eyes act like nothing in this world exists, except the two of you. The way they act like lovers… and you wonder if in a way you already are. Wonder, if he can be yours, even if he doesn’t admit to it. Wonder, if this curse of tying himself to you, can be compared to a kind of love… his love. The way he slit those girls eyes for just a happy stare, when he never even scratched you for looking at him without gaining permission. The way you are allowed to drown in his eyes right now, while everyone else has to keep their head down.

How can he be not already yours?

Mine.

You lean more against his thigh, close your eyes, the atmosphere around you being a blur. Once or twice you perceive Sukunas voice, talking to the men. A chuckle here and there. The colour of his voice grew so much on you. A warm feeling spreads in your guts every time you hear it. You could hear him talk day and night, his words, his humming, his grumbling. It kind of feels like home to you.

Him standing up for your place earlier, cutting that girls eyes, the pride he awoke in you, you want to give that back to him. Not giving a shit about who might see you doing this and who not.

At least right now.

You want him.

Placing a kiss on his clothed thigh, you regain his full attention. He raises his bottom left hand and puts it on the side of your face, stroking his thumb against your lips until you part them. You give his thumb a single lick, before wrapping your lips around it, gently sucking and licking the sensitive skin. His breath deepens, his brow twitches, almost furrows at your actions, while his lips softly part. Slowly the mans muted voice reaches your ears.

“Thank you, King Sukuna-”

“Get out.” he quietly orders, without breaking his eye contact with you. Obeying their King, everyone around you gets up and starts to leave. He retreats his thumb from your mouth and while everyone is leaving, you notice that the muffled sound of the sobbing girl is moving to the entrance to the hall. You conclude that other girls are probably helping her to leave the hall. Sukuna also notices and looks into their direction, flaring his eyes.

“I told you to keep her in here! She may keep listening.“

[lfghughes]

Breathe pt 2

a/n: heres another part like promised! @missjomarch

Reader POV

It had been a few weeks since the break up and you weren't sure why you had thought that by now it would have been easier. It only got harder, that’s what it felt like at least. Every day you went over what you could have possibly done wrong even though Jack had made it kind of clear that this was just something he was going through and he needed space to go through it. It’s not like you thought it was easy for him, you saw his face that night you knew it had hurt him too.

Somehow you got convinced into going out with your friends who have been wanting you to get out of your place. The shots kept coming and you figured at some point the heartbreak would be numbed out by the alcohol but the opposite effect happened, if anything you just felt worse after all the shots.

Jack

When the number had popped up on his screen, his stomach sank because he knew something was wrong. Her friend wouldn’t call him for no reason. He was right because on the phone she asked if she could come pick up his ex who had gotten a little too drunk and was a complete mess to the point they didn’t know what to do.

He quickly drove over to the bar they were at and as he pulled up he noticed them on the sidewalk. He quickly got out of the car, opening up the doors to the backseat. “That way she can lay down.” He helped getting her into the car before he thanked them for calling him. Jack drove them back to their place or well her place now and carefully maneuvered her inside. “Alright lets get you into some comfy clothes, huh?”

His voice was gentle as he set her down onto the bed. As he searched for a tshirt, his eyes fell on the one that was currently on the bed. It was one of his and the one he knew was her favorite ones to wear around the house. His heart ached at this as he went to grab the shirt before he helped change her into it. “Jack, can you get me some water?” She asked and he nodded his head. He got her some water and then disappeared into the bathroom to grab some of her make up wipes.

He carefully wiped away at her make up, being gentle on her face. “Okay, you should be all ready for bed.” He whispered to her as he helped tuck her into the bed. “I’ll be on the couch, okay? If you need me just shout.” As he moved towards the door her voice rang out in the darkness. “Jack?” He immediately froze at the door. “Can you please stay in here with me?” His heart again ached because he knew he shouldn’t yet Jack couldn’t say no. Instead he walked back over to the bed and settled into it next to her.

“Is this okay?” Jack asked as he gently moved her body so she could lay her head on his chest. A small nod came from her body and even though this break up was his fault for the first time in weeks he felt complete again. Jack had to remind himself that he still needed to work on himself before they could get back to this. It was easy to fall asleep with her in his arms though and the morning came way too quick.

A groan left her lips early in the morning and Jack stirred at the sound of her moving around. “Hey hey, don’t move too quick. You’ll get sick.” He told her as he sat up and one look at her face and he could tell she was about to cry. “I’m sorry you had to come get me.” At her words he shook his head. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. I’m going to make you some breakfast and then I’ll head out.” He tried his best to not notice the small quiver in her lip as he got up to get the food ready. All he wanted to do was comfort her and to fix things but he wasn’t there yet but what he did know is that he wanted to get better and be the person she deserved.

[sublieu]

Can you do a WuKong x Reader smut where during bedroom time he uses his clones to overstim the reader? Thank you ^^

╰┈➤Two is better than one

: ̗̀➛ Threesome, dp, praise kink [if you squint]

: ̗̀➛ 550 wc

: ̗̀➛ Sorry about it feeling rushed but omf this was so hard to write ;-;

"Hey Wukong." "Yea?" "Have you ever...y'know" "I don't understand?" "Have you ever though of... using one of your clones, in the bedroom?"

You'd start the conversation, hiding away in his hoodie as Wukong gave you an unreadable face. Was he mad? or hurt? You were sweating bullets as you waited for a response. Only for him to start laughing, making you blush in embarassment.

"Aww You love me that much to wanna see my clones? That's cute~"

He coos and gets up, pulling a piece of his hair to summon a clone of himself before pulling you down on the bed in front of him. Both him and clone laughing in sync.

"Don't try and hide from your suggestions now~ Besides, two is better than one~"

They'd start and take off their pants, throwing it at a random spot before pulling you back in front of them to take their shirt off your body. Hands touching and holding at any spots they'd see, one of them even started kissing you as the other went behind you and held your chest, their cocks pressing at either side of you as you were now fully trapped in between them.

Both their cocks were pressed in front of your pussy, heavy breaths escaped their lips as you slowly sat down on them, taking the time to relax yourself from how thick they were. Internally cursing yourself for how thick and full they were inside you before finally sitting down fully.

Wukong cooed and praised you for how well you took them, both giving slow yet rough thrusts. Making sure you adjusted to them fully before going even rougher on your body whilst cooing and purring loudly. Moaning out curses as you were being overstimmed from their sudden increase in speed.

Even Wukong was enjoying this more than he should. His cock rubbing against the other whilst being squeezed around your snug walls got him

As one was biting on your neck, the other would be kissing you; Both so eagar just to have their teeth on you. Equally wanting that by the night is done you were marked from neck to chest, claimed like a prized trophy.

Whilst you just in utter heaven; The fact that not only were you surrounded by your husband and his clone, but the feeling of being so full around them. The feeling of being shared around with him like some sex doll had you screaming out in bliss.

As you shook and quivered in between them, their cocks twitched from the sensitivity, giving equal signs that they were gonna cum soon by thrusting even harder inside you. Making you suffer as you came shortly after. your cum dripping their cocks and making it slippery yet easier to finish up.

They both came in unison, their cum practically seeping into your womb as you moaned in pleasure, all of you heaving and gasping as if you just ran a mile. Sweat dripping from your bodies before falling on the bed. Till his clone suddenly poofed out of existence, now leaving you alone with him.

"That *hah* was fun" "We should do that more time" "Bet."

You giggled and cuddled closer together, falling asleep in each others arms as the sun slowly rose from it's slumber, small snores leaving your lips as you cuddled closer to him.

©𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐮 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐; 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐑𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝

[fluentmoviequoter]

Hello! Happy Birthday 🎉

Hope you have a year full of health, happiness, luck and success!!

My prompt wish is:

➣ feeling so lonely that they have to call their friend/lover, just to get a sense and reminder that they're still there, and trying and failing to hold back tears as they do so

With Deacon🙈

Thank you so much!! I wasn't sure which way you wanted it, so I let reader call Deacon! This ended up a little shorter than I wanted, but I think it's a cute lil blurb. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

Join the 20 Surprise Parties birthday celebration!✨

Warnings: a tiny bit of angst, fluff.

Word Count: 0.9k+ words

Picture from Pinterest

I Need You

You need Deacon Kay. Desperately, entirely, eternally, you need him.

It’s been six days since you heard his voice and nearly two weeks since you hugged him, cupped his jaw, and kissed him like your life depended on it. 20-David was called away on an important mission, aiding another agency with a big bust. Deacon held you for hours before he left and has been able to call once since leaving, but you have a deep craving for him: to feel his touch and hear his voice. You could call a friend to call to keep you company, but it’s not the same. There is only one cure for your touch starvation (perhaps more aptly categorized as Deacon starvation), and the cure is Deacon Kay himself.

Right now, you don’t know what to do. Hicks has sent you a few updates since Deacon went away, but you feel like you’re starving without Deacon. It’s part of his job and his life, but that doesn’t make it easier on you. Every moment he is away from you creates a fracture in your heart, in your being, that only he can mend.

You fall asleep with Deacon’s pillow clutched to your chest (again). It’s one of many things you’ve tried to lessen your homesickness, which is the proper word because Deacon is your home, and you miss him so much you’re sick. When you dream, Deacon is right beside you, and you love it, but it makes waking up without him much harder. After nights of being unable to sleep without Deacon’s warmth beside you, you’ve nearly run out of ideas for temporary comfort.

Staring at the ceiling, you try to convince your mind that it’s Deacon in your arms and not a weak substitute. While resting in your desperation and sadness, you take longer than you should to realize your phone is ringing.

“Hello?” you greet, hoping that Deacon is back in Los Angeles and about to come home to you.

“We’re all clear. I’ll send him home soon, but you can call whenever you want,” Hicks says before ending the call. Brief and informative, that’s Hicks.

You scramble to dial Deacon’s number. With each dial tone, you squeeze your eyes closed tighter.

“Hey,” Deacon breathes out as the line connects. “I was about to call you.”

“Hi,” you say, trying not to choke over the building tears. “I’m so glad to hear your voice, Deac.”

“Glad to hear yours too, you have no idea. I need to get home. I’m sorry it took so long, we ran into a lot of unexpected,” Deacon pauses and sighs. Pressure builds in your eyes as you picture his big brown eyes while he adds, “unexpected everything, really. But we’re back now, finally.”

“It’s okay.” You quiet to add, “I just miss you. So much.”

“I know. I miss you too.”

You hiccup, trying to swallow your tears. The noise alerts Deacon that something is wrong, and though he’s miles away, you can nearly feel the change in his demeanor. You know he’s tense with eyes wide as he rushes to action.

“What’s going on? Are you alright?” he asks, pulling you from your mental image of him.

His concern pushes you over the edge, and you let your tears flow as you sink to the floor on your knees, sobbing as you listen to Deacon’s voice, his pillow still held to your chest. You need him, but this is the best you can get for now, and you’re thankful for it.

“Baby, baby, take a deep breath. What’s going on?” Deacon asks, his voice strained. You think you hear hurried footsteps and a door slam before Deacon’s voice comes through clearer.

“I miss you and I- I’m so lonely, David. It felt like you’d never come back, I’d never hear your voice again or hug you again and I need you. I need you more than anything else,” you ramble through your tears; they slow as you listen to Deacon breathing on the other end of the phone.

“Hey, you have me.” You blow a sharp, pained breath out of your nose, and Deacon reiterates, “You have me. You will always have me. I’m coming home.”

“You’re still working,” you argue weakly, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. “They need you, too.”

“Not like you do. And they’ll understand. Be ready for a long hug when I get there?”

You laugh, and Deacon smiles on the other end of the line, his chest loosening as he realizes exactly how much he needs you, too.

“We need each other, sweetheart. So, I’m right beside you, no matter what.”

“I love you, Deacon.”

“I love you. I’ll tell Hicks I’m leaving and be home in a bit.”

“I’ll be waiting for my hug.”

You know that Deacon needs you the same way you need him, and you have each other, countless hugs, weeks apart, and everything in between. He laughs before the line disconnects, and while you won’t feel whole until he’s back in your arms, knowing that he’s on his way makes everything better.

When you hear his car idling in the driveway, your tears begin anew, fresh and passionate. He rushes into your room, dropping to the floor beside you as he pulls you into his arms, holding your head below his chin as his arms tighten around you. With slowing tears, your arms grip Deacon’s shirt below his shoulders as you lean against him.

“I need you,” Deacon whispers into your hair. “Thanks for calling me home.”

[hawkins-losers]

Darling, don’t you ever grow up | Eddie Munson x Henderson!Reader

Summary: Eddie becomes a dad. Spoilers: he’s the best dad

Word count: 1.7k 

A/N: I never read or write anything with babies in them, so this is a first for me. Please be nice

** should I make a part 2 where the baby is growing up?

-

You never doubted Eddie that would be a great parent. Naturally, he was very nervous during the pregnancy and childbirth, but you knew in your heart that he would be a fantastic father.

‘’I can’t be a dad, there’s drugs in places I don’t even remember putting them. What if she - or he - finds a bag of weed and chews on it? I’m gonna be no better than my own father,’’ Eddie rambled in panic during a mental breakdown, pacing in circles in your small apartment.

You knew this was his overactive imagination and the childhood trauma was engraved in his head speaking, but it still made your heart ache. You get that he was scared to relive his father’s mistakes, but he shouldn’t compare himself to his old man.

Unlike his father, Eddie cared for his daughter. She meant the world to him and loved her with his whole heart - even before she was born. You knew he would do things the right way.

You saw the sparks in his eyes the day Zeppelin was born - and the tears of joy in his eyes. Although she was right in front of his eyes, Eddie still couldn’t believe he was a dad.

The first time he held her - his daughter - was very emotional. She was so small barely any pajamas would fit her. Her pink knitted hat gifted by the hospital was the only clothing that didn’t look huge on her. Her hair was dark and she had a lot - just like her father. Her skin was red and fragile from being born minutes ago.

Since coming back from the hospital, your batteries shut down around 6pm. You hadn't fallen asleep at that hour since you were a kid, but becoming a mother turned out to be a lot more exhausting than you thought.

Thankfully, Eddie was very helpful. He held her so carefully and was so quick to get to her crib whenever he'd hear a slightest sound that resembled a whimper or a cry. You liked to joke that he was an overprotective parent and he would flip you off in return.

While you napped on the couch, Eddie was on baby duty. Little Zeppelin was so tiny in his arms, it was adorable. He was so gentle with her, your heart melted every time you caught them having a moment together.

Right now, he was sitting in the rocking chair, quietly speaking to his sleeping daughter. Her little hand was wrapped around his finger and her little eyelids fluttered as she was dreaming.

‘’I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart. You will be raised in a home filled with love and happiness. My and your mommy are never going to desert you,’’ he told baby Zeppelin while rocking her wrapped in her favorite blanket.

*

The first month of being parents went by in a blur. You and Eddie were both exhausted from waking up every two or three hours to feed Zeppelin. All she did was eat, sleep and fill her diaper, but god was it exhausting.

You had moved the crib to the bedroom for easier access during the night. It was taking a lot of space, but it was more practical. Your mom warned you not to do this because the baby will get used to sleeping there, but what she didn't know won't bother her, right?

Sometimes, Eddie would bring her in the bed and she would fall asleep on his chest right away, lulled by her father's breathing.

*

Things got better by the second month. Zeppelin was starting to stay awake for longer periods and she was all smiles with her chubby cheeks and round eyes.

She even began pulling at Eddie's hair, which always made you laugh. She surprisingly had a strong hold. Now, when he was close to her, he was more warry. While he liked when you pulled his hair, Zeppelin was just not letting go and pulling harder.

‘’Ow,’’ he hissed, trying to uncurl her little fist from his strand of hair and failing. ‘’Y/N? Can you come here for a minute? I need a little…assistance with our little princess.’’

A frown between your eyebrows, you abandoned your laundry folding and went to the bedroom where Eddie’s voice had called for you. A laugh spilled from your mouth, amused by the situation.

‘’You’re gonna have to tie your hair at some point. She’s really taken a liking to it.’’ You took Zeppelin’s little fist and carefully uncurled it from Eddie’s hair. ‘’Or, you’re gonna have to cut it-’’

‘’Not happening!’’ Eddie shook his head. ‘’Nope.’’

‘’Good. Because I like your hair long.’’

A smug smile curled on his lips. ‘’I know you do.’’

*

Four months went by, and you decided to make a trip to Hawkins. You were feeling more rested by then and had fully recovered from childbirth, so you had no excuse not to visit your hometown. The idea didn't enchant you nor Eddie, the place filled with unpleasant memories, but your mother and brother along with Eddie's uncle had yet to meet Zeppelin.

Not seeing your family and friends as much made you sad, but moving out of Hawkins after graduation had been the best idea for both you and Eddie. In Hawkins, you felt suffocated and observed everywhere you went just because you were in love with a boy that didn't fit the towners' standards.

Here, in Philadelphia, you got a fresh start.

Eddie was known as Eddie, the guy who repaired cars at the auto shop on second street - not the freak. He missed playing D&D with the Hellfire club - which was now in the hands of your little brother, Dustin - and having gigs with Corroded Coffins at the Hideout, but his life was here in Philadelphia now.

The second you pulled in the driveway, your mother was running out of the door and yelling at Dustin that you were here. She was practically jumping on her feet on the porch. You had never seen her so excited before.

''Dusty! Come see the baby! Your sister is here!''

You barely had time to get out of the car that your mother was hugging you tight. The last time you had seen her was at Dustin's birthday last year when you announced that you were pregnant. You hadn't planned on telling the big news on Dustin's birthday, but the ultrasound picture slipped from your purse and your mother saw it.

She pulled from the hug and tried to peek through the backseat window where Zeppelin was still seated. ''Where is my granddaughter?''

''Oh, we didn't bring her,'' you told your mom as a joke.

Claudia narrowed her eyes and glanced at Eddie on the other side of the car.

He shook his head to deny. ''Worry not, Mrs. Henderson, we didn't leave her in Philly. I can't leave my house without my little princess.''

''I told you to call me Claudia, you're part of the family now,'' your mother reminded him as she hugged him too.

''Unfortunately,'' Dustin quipped from the porch.

Eddie gave him the finger behind your mother's back, making Dustin grin. Some things never change.

Dustin wouldn't say it, but he missed Eddie a lot since you moved away. Since meeting him through Hellfire Club in his freshman year, Dustin saw Eddie like a brother. He looked up to him a lot. Funny thing is, they were now brother-in-laws.

After your mother released him, Eddie opened the backseat door and unlocked the baby car seat from its platform. Automatically, your mother pounced on the baby, cooing at Zeppelin who was soundly sleeping.

''Aw, she had your eyes, Y/N.''

You grabbed the diaper bag and swung it on your shoulder. ''Mom, she's sleeping. You can't see her eyes.''

*

Once inside, Dustin didn’t want to hold his niece, scared he would drop her. Lucas or Mike must’ve said that in his head as jokes, but Dustin took it seriously. These little shitheads. 

‘’He is such a great father, I'm impressed. Your father didn't even want to change your diaper!’’ your mother commented as she watched Eddie kiss Zeppelin's little feet and whispering little things while he changed her.

A fond smile curled on your lips, watching the scene before you. ‘’He’s the best father.’’ 

‘‘I was hesitant when you and him started dating, but I see why you stuck with him. He’s a good man.’‘

*

You didn't stay in Hawkins for long. Three days was long enough.

During your short stay, you got enough dirty - and shocked - looks from neighbors, old classmates and nosey towners to make you not miss your hometown. Mrs. Jenkins, the pastor's wife, made a nasty comment about you going to hell while you were picking up groceries your mother forgot for dinner. All because you had a baby with a satanist.

Eddie was a lot of things, but a Satan worshiper was not one of them.

There wasn't only bad though. Dustin's friends came over to meet Zeppelin, along with Chrissy - now Auntie Chrissy. She was your best friend and the only one with whom you kept in touch after high school. She was also the first you told about your pregnancy - right after Eddie. She screamed through the phone and cried, happy for you and Eddie.

''Oh my god, Y/N, she is so cute,'' Chrissy cooed as Zeppelin smiled at her and made bubbles with her mouth, soaking the collar of her pajama. ''She is the cutest baby.''

''She really is. She gets that from her daddy,'' you said, leaning back against Eddie's shoulder.

''Me? Cute?'' Eddie shook his head, denying. ''Nah. She gets the cute part from her mommy.'' He stole a kiss from you and you smiled.

Getting pregnant at nineteen had not been part of your plans, but you couldn't be happier.

''Who's the new hot gossip now that we've bounced?'' you asked Chrissy, wanting to hear the new juicy gossips going around.

The blonde pursed her lips, thinking. ''There's not much- Oh! Did you know Jason knocked two girls up?''

Your jaw dropped. ''No way! Two?!''

Eddie barked a laugh, getting up. ''His pull out game got weak,'' he joked, snatching Zeppelin from Chrissy and lifting her in the air to make her scream and laugh.

You snorted, then glanced between Zeppelin and him. ''Do you want to talk about your pull-out game? Clearly, you it wasn't good enough.''

On the couch, Chrissy covered her mouth to keep her laugh in.

-

Taglist: @broadway-or-noway @violetsleftfist @thelaststraw3  @cursedandromedablack  @Slashersimpfor  @savagejane1   @wh0reforbucknasty   @eddiemunson-slut   @slvdsjjk  @hehehehannahthings  @dreamdancers-world  @grace-loux  @iamharrystyleslover  @matildavol6  @Original_babababoo  @eddiemunsonbby  @notbeforelong  @lexi-2004 @violetrainbow412-blog  @tatespillows  @alwayslexii  @lilygreennn   @milkiane  @imahomeslice  @bunnygrl16 @cwritesforfun @marauders3rawh0re  @your-mom21 @parkersmyth @voguesir @milkiane @andrewgarfields-girlfriend @lilygreennn @alexxavicry @charlie-chick  @wandamaximoffs-deadchild  @horrorstreet  @rmeddar123  @Pastel-abyss-x @lil-tracys  @lanalanabanana

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[befuddled-calico-whump]

feel totally free to ignore this but…….i‘ve been going so insane about Lex and Sarah in the past few days, i‘d love to read a drabble thing about the drunk love confession! even if it’s not canon (yet) and might turn out differently in canon etc. i’m just in dire need of some more Cinderglass 🥺

next part

cw: alcoholism, self-loathing

It was well into the dark hours of the morning when Alexei passed through the door to the safe house. When wasn't it? He was supposed to be helping, looking for information, bringing back knowledge, helping. And he did, he tried, but at the end of the night when he'd turn to head home, he'd be reeled in by old habits.

Finish the mission, find a bar, forget.

And he could never get drunk enough to chase away everything, but he could dim it down for just a little while. And when he got to his bed, he could pass out and not worry about nightmares.

He was swaying on his feet, but hadn't had enough that he was stumbling through the house. That was as deliberate as he could've made it; he didn't want to bother anyone else just because of his own lack of control. He moved through the living room, towards the stairs, but stopped short when he caught a hint of movement on the couch.

Spyglass. Sarah. She was asleep, half-sitting up, legs tucked into her chest. There was a bottle of water in one hand, unopened.

Fuck. Had he really become that predictable? He didn't want to admit that he had, that he seemed to spend more time drunk than sober these days.

(Lays, ways, prays.)

The curves of Sarah's face seemed more gentle when she was sleeping, her hair loose and messy, dark strands falling in front of closed eyes, soft jawline, soft lips. Something in him twisted, not unpleasantly. Something he couldn't put a finger on, unless it was just another effect of the booze. He wanted to reach down and brush the hair out of her face. He couldn't bring himself to take another step towards her.

How late had she stayed up, waiting for him? She considered him a member of the team now, an ally, and all he did was make things harder for her. He needed to fucking stop. He wasn't sure he could.

"Lex?" Sarah was blinking herself awake, reaching for her glasses. "You're back. I was worried."

(Hurried.) She'd been worried something had gone wrong while he'd been out drinking.

"Sorry," he murmured. He wouldn't make excuses. Even if he tried to, she could probably smell it on him. "I'm sorry."

He couldn't take it when she gave him a soft look, a slight smile.

"I... I can't stop it," he continued. Shut up. Don't make excuses, don't--- "It's a habit. I-I feel like I can't sleep if I don't---"

"Hey, it's okay."

"It's not okay---"

"No, you're right, it isn't. But I'm not mad or anything, okay?"

"You should be."

"Why?"

The feeling twisted in his stomach as she looked up at him, brown eyes made black in the low light. "It's risky, isn't it? Bar right after a mission, someone might see me, follow me, and I didn't used to care, but... But now..."

She patted the couch beside her. "Hey, sit down for a second. Drink some water. If you want, we can talk about it in the morning, but right now you should rest." She yawned. "And so should I."

He was making it worse again. "Sorry."

"Lex..."

He fell onto the couch beside her, not taking his eyes off the floor. He wasn't even that dizzy, just a little fuzzy, but he couldn't look at her right now, not without that stupid feeling that just made him want to either hold her or walk away right now and never see her again. That second one would be easier on her, wouldn't it? Not having to worry about whatever fucked up thing he would do next.

Her hand rested on his shoulder, and Alexei flinched. She removed it in a hurry.

"Sorry. You looked like you were about to run for the door, and... And I mean, if that's what you want, I won't stop you." He could see her look away, her glasses catching the scant light. "But you should know I'll still worry if you do."

"I won't," he said. "And... And it's okay. If you touch me, I mean. It... I don't like it, if it's from anyone else. But from you, it's okay." The words felt jumbled, tangled like string, but he couldn't stop them. It was more than okay, he wanted it. He still couldn't figure out why. She put him at ease, but so did the other rogues. This was different.

"In that case..." Her words came out hesitant, like she was testing the waters. "Is it okay if I give you a hug?" She was looking at him now, a crooked, almost apologetic smile on her face. "Or is that weird? I mean, it's okay if you don't want---"

"Yes."

Her arms were slow to wrap around him, but the touch felt like an electrical pulse spinning into his skin, burrowing right into his chest. Slowly, afraid he'd scare her away, Lex lifted his arms, settling them around her waist, resting his chin on top of her head.

Her hair was so soft, her body warm against his. His heart was pounding and he knew she'd be able to hear it but he couldn't make it stop.

She pulled away too soon. "Okay. Now seriously, get some sleep," she said, her tone jokingly stern. "And that water better be gone by morning." One foot was on the stairs when she turned around. "I mean it, Lex. I do care about what happens to you, you know."

Something fluttered in his chest. It might've been his heart.

"Sarah..." he started as she turned back to the stairs.

"Yes?"

Lex swallowed. "I... I care about what happens to you too."

The soft smile she gave him then hung in his mind long after she'd gone, warding away the bad dreams.

•°•°•

@whumpacabra @enteredin2eternity @kixngiggles @whumpsday @kiichu @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @shywhumpauthor @distinctlywhumpthing , @bloodinkandashes , @fleur-alise , @whumpy-daydreams , @whumpwillow , @honeycollectswhump

[ercklln]

winter nights | koner pt. 2

SUMMARY : if the gods could toss a coin right now, you wish they’d wager on how your relationship with the winterfell soldier would be. will it be pure despair or contentment? 

koner x fem! reader

masterlist, @fhrlclln, pt. 1

GENRE : nsfw/smut

WARNINGS : lil’ angst, overthinking, fluff, smut (oral sex; m!receiving, blowjobs, p in v, unprotected sex & rough sex)

WORD COUNT : 7,469

a/n: i was deciding if whether i should put the timeline in GOT s7 but i just went away with being after the timeline of GOT so it’s easier to make shit up hehe. Y’ALL SORRY FOR THE DELAY. kinda added smth hehe. but here ya go. i like the ending hehe <3

likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated !! <3

enjoy !!

the morning sun came by as quickly as you expected. your eyes slowly fluttered open to see the light coming from the shut window peeking in. the residual coldness was seeping in as you snuggled yourself back against the warm body hugging you from behind. a strong arm draped over your waist, locking you tight against his chest. the gentle beat of his heart thumping against your back. you could almost fall asleep again, wanting no more than to lay on this bed with him. alas though, the man behind you was stirring awake as his hips rubbed against your bare ass making you shift a bit at the sudden sensation of something hard poking underneath the furs. a thought escaping your soiled mind, a small smile formed on your lips as your hand went down, earning a sharp gasp from the man behind.

hence, the morning awakened with the bed squeaking.

“a-ah!” you huffed, hips bouncing without any shame. your hands clawed his shoulders as koner grunted at the crook of your neck, hands grabbing your soft bum, squeezing them as he guided your hips a bit in the rhythm. you were a minx, a damn nymph for stroking him until he awoke hot and bothered. and here you are, bouncing up his cock as you rode him into an orgasm. like last night wasn’t enough cock for you.

“i think i’ve soiled you, ey?” koner grunted, his usual shyness and awkwardness already gone. he’s had you so many times last night, waking up to rutting himself to you in the middle of the night, desperate to feel your cunt enveloping his cock again as he moaned out, focusing on you again. “seven gods, you’re a goddess sent to me. i don’t deserve you.”

“y-you do.” you manage to squeak it out making him chuckle despite the loud skin slapping. his grunts went louder as the squelch of your pussy juice slapped against his balls and his stomach, dripping down as he could feel himself wanting to rut up to cum inside finally. but he let you take the lead, liking the furrow on your forehead how serious you are to fuck yourself on his cock. 

“i’m close.” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck, panting against his ear as you rutted your hips ruthlessly. cock sliding in and out as your cunt clamped around him, your clit rubbing slight against his stomach as the familiar coil in your belly arose.

“go on, m’lady.” he urged, kneading the dough of your ass. you kissed him, the urgency taking over as you rode him harder, tits bouncing as he sucked the bottom of your lip making you whimper. “let it go, want to see you feel good around me’ cock.”

“y-yes!” you nodded as you slammed down. koner let out a soft moan as his balls tightened, he rutted up to help you as he could feel himself cumming as well. your belly snapped, your back arched as your rutted endlessly with your orgasm flooding your whole entire body. koner threw his head back as your cunt gripped him, making him slam himself up to the brim to fill your cunt up as he shoots his seed. you kissed his neck gently, the wonderful euphoria enveloping your body as you two rode down your highs. the coldness of the room replacing with warmth of each other’s body heat. all perfect for a morning fuck.

“i feel like my insides are full of you.” you sighed out, eyelids fluttering from the rigorous coupling. too fucked out to even cover yourself. he indeed filled you up to the brim, his remaining cum still inside you from last night mixed with the warm one, gushing out of you. you felt chummy as you laid back on the furs, whilst koner let out a chuckle, laying right next to you with his head propped on the pillows. admiring you so dearly.

“mhm. but you like it?” he teased, kissing your bare shoulder. you hummed, a smile forming lazily as he pulled you to his arms.

“maybe.” you grinned as he kissed your lips briefly again.

“liar.” he whispered to your lips as you giggled at his tactics. the day finally started as sounds of footsteps outside your door begun to arise from their beds. you can hear the familiar chatter down below and the sounds of horses coming from outside. your heart beats loudly as you were situated now in the bathtub, caressing your skin with a cloth as koner was on the bed, cleaning his armor and sword while you watched him with greedy eyes. shirtless with just his trousers on, muscles budging on his pale skin every flex he did as he run a cloth through his sword, wiping off the dried blood. the remembrance of the bloody circumstances you had met him.

you could only hold back a smile as you continued your bath. feeling the familiar flutter in your chest as each scrub in your body reminded you the way he touched you. you certainly liked him, a lot, for just a night of knowing the man. you didn’t know if you were so naive and stupid, but your mother wasn’t here to tell you that. though, an uncertainty escaped your thoughts. you glanced to the sweet man on the bed, you weren’t dumb of course to think if he only wanted this and begone once you two arrive in winterfell. you craved him, wanting more than just this unexpected amour. it was illicit, you thought, the happiness mixing with doubt.

you’re young. you could hear you mother’s words. you cannot grasp what you want or what you claim to need. you are to be a lady. act like one. the bitterness on your tongue stayed as you looked down on the soapy water. conflicted as you are, you let out a sigh as you looked up to be met with a pair of those brown-honey orbs filled with glee.

“having fun there, my love?” he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on your lips then to your wet cheek. you hummed, bottling your thoughts up as you cupped his rosy cheeks.

“just tired and sore. my hips feel like jelly.” you pouted, a frown escape his lips as he kissed your cheek again for an apology yet you smiled at him before he could apologize. “but, i feel amazing.”

“yes?”

“certainly.” you whispered as his lips brushed against yours. koner felt like he was put in a trance, this pretty lady luring him in the tub. he was about to give in yet a sharp knock on the door made him sigh, as the sunny voice from last night followed through making you laugh.

“cockblocker.” he muttered as he stood up, leaving you to the warm water as he opened the door to be met by that charming bar maiden. her hands holding a tray of two soups and a tea of some sort, then a big loaf of bread that made his mouth water.

“g’morning, lad!” she grinned widely.

“morning.” koner nodded.

“i’ve got two soups and a fresh loaf, on the house for the lady and you.” she handed the tray to him with glee, the warm aroma of the soups hitting his nose followed by the warm bread. almost like the memory of his mother’s cooking.

“you’re too kind, miss.”

“ah, ‘s nothing.” she chuckled. “i’ve also brewed a herbal tea for the lady. make sure you give it to her.” she gestured to the pipping hot mug. he rose a brow at that making the barmaid grin wider, a teasing look in her eyes as koner eyed her suspiciously. questioning the concoction.

“tea?”

“for unwanted surprises, dear!” his eyes widened at the boldness of her words. “brewed that myself, my own little recipe. after your little ruckus last night, the whole inn can hear you two. so, i thought—“

“t-thank you!” koner cut her off, red rose to his cheeks as he closed the door immediately. the bar maiden let out a snort as he put the tray on the old wooden table. you had just finished drying yourself up, putting on the dress you wore from yesterday. the silks warming you up as you begun tying the silk ribbon to secure the dress.

“the kind lady brought food?” you glanced to the table seeing the white loaf and soup still steaming. your mouth watering as your stomach grumbled.

“kind enough to make you a special tea as well.” he added. “on the house.” he urged the mug to you. your brows furrowed slightly as you grabbed the mug, giving it a quick sniff.

“tea for what?” you glanced at him seeing his smirk as he kissed your cheek. taking a sip cautiously, grimacing at the bitter flavor. like those medicinal herbs you took when you were ill with a cold as answered your curious mind with a little cockiness in his tone. making you spit the tea a little at the answer afterwards.

“for unwanted surprises from this night and morning’s activity, love.”

•••

the snow had melted surrounding the inn. dull grass were in your view as you stood outside of the tavern, cloak and other necessities in hand as you waited patiently for koner and the stable boy to bring out the horses. your bare fingers started to fiddle with each other. glee fluttering in your chest, never had you felt more happier than ever. your thoughts raced immediately as you heard the hooves clicking on the soil. you turned around to see koner guiding the two horses. back in his winterfell armor, helmet and all. his black beauty and your white mare he was holding the reins of. you could tell she was feeling fine after her arrow wound.

“is she suitable to ride on?” you asked, smiling as you petted her snout, earning a approved gruff from the mare. worried for her injured leg.

“she’s fit for riding again.” koner caressed your horse’s mane. “a night’s rest had sufficed her, m’lady.” he added.

“m-my name will do just fine, koner.” you reminded him, a slight pout on your lips. even though you liked him calling you lady, it always felt a bit off.

“of course. apologies.” he grinned as he helped you up to your horse. gripping your waist, lifting you up strongly to situate yourself on the saddle. you fixed yourself, moving your hips to make you a bit comfortable as you watched him get on his horse.

“winterfell’s just by the end of this road. i think we can arrive there before my watch partner gets suspicious.” he looked from beyond as you guided the horse next to his. you nodded, tailing beside him as the dirt road got wider, your field of vision able to see the old castle walls of winterfell. the banner of the direwolf proud and independent.

“winterfell still looks like the same after all these difficult years.” you commented, the wind brushing against your cheek. you admired the gray walls, reminiscing the time you loved walking around the garden inside. the big red tree you would see, always astonishing you.

“and all the blood it’s witnessed.” he added grimly. you nodded at that, after rob and ned stark’s death, everything had changed as you have heard. you weren’t able to comfort sansa in king’s landing back then, your family forbidding you so to be involved in whatever scheme was going on. little you know yet for certain a gruesome outcome for the stark family. you glanced again to koner, a creep in the back of your neck bothering you as you two hadn’t talked about whatever was going to be the outcome of your relationship right now. unspoken as it is, genuine affection was plastered in his face as he caught your eye. you smiled at him, seeing as the walls of winterfell neared.

you two arrived at the front gate, koner was talking to some men as they let you through the metal gate. you were met by the familiarity of winterfell. it wasn’t as dull and grey it used to be, you can see more people were livelier than ever. morality gleeful than it was before. you condemned sansa’s ruling after they had been independent now. the north returning to it’s rightful place. having a queen in the north.

“oi, koner! you fucking twat. where in the seven hells have you been?” a roaring voice interrupted your thoughts. you could hear koner grunt out something, visibly annoyed seeing a fellow soldier march towards him. you got off your horse, seeing as the dispute between them turned into hush whispers. like siblings brawling you could tell.

“first, you fucking ditch the night watch and now you’re what!? saving a lady in the woods, you fuck—“

“henk, you stupid fuck. the m’lady y/n from house…” you got a little close to them, shrugging off your cloak as your eyes met with his. the other soldier seem to notice his sudden stare as he turned to you. eyes widening as his helmet clanked when koner hit him square on the head.

“good day.” you nodded to the embarrassed soldier. he seem to caught on your face as you noticed some other soldier retreating to the great keep.

“m’lady.” he bowed his head slightly out of greeting. “a-apologies.” he whispered something to koner afterwards, signaling something, yet he was bested to it when you were met with another soldier. your attention was now caught as you were told you would be escorted with koner to the great keep. the awaiting queen mentioned making koner freeze instantly as he stood beside you.

“are you nervous?” you asked him, walking up to be met by the large wooden door. two guards guarding the outside.

“it’s not so common for a foot solider to be summoned by her grace.” he whispered, a slight tremble in his tone. visibly sweating a bit underneath his armor.

“it’s going to be fine.” you assured him, hand squeezing his for a moment seeing him calm down bit by bit as the doors creaked open. your lingering touch making him seize his nervousness.

the hall was empty as you two got in, your house name being called. you lifted your dress a bit to walk, the teachings of etiquette now in display as koner watched you with his head bowed. you gracefully walking to the northern queen sitting on the throne. him, bending his knee at her presence. you were met with the familiar blue eyes and the locks of red hair adorning her silver crown.

“your grace.” you greeted, not forgetting to bow before her as she stood from her place. an uneasy silence between the two of you. you admired her for a second, seeing her once sparkling eyes now to this matured dull, a coldness in her face you could tell. a pity in your stomach forming as you remained formal. you could remember the feasts garnered here in the great hall, you could remember arya throwing food at sansa whilst jon, robb and theon laughed at it. the memory of little bran running around while ned and catelyn stark sat upon their chair. the melancholy so bitter yet sweet to remember.

“it has been a long time.” she started, stepping forward as a small smile creeped on her lips. you were about to respond yet she engulfed you in a kind hug. you were taken a back at the sudden warmth, your hands splayed on her back as you smiled, meeting eye to eye now. a glimpse of the sansa you knew appearing. “how have you fared?”

“i am well, your grace.” you grinned. “weeks journey with my two men from king’s landing. but under different circumstances it changed. one of your soldiers has guided me safely here. i couldn’t be more grateful.” you took a step back, gesturing to koner who arose from his bended position, looking down now as he shyly met your eyes. a moment flew as sansa looked at him briefly, remembering as the one who had reported with that other soldier named henk about arya. you held your gaze for him, softening your features as koner looked back to his queen.

“under different circumstances?” she asked looking to the man in question.

“bandits, your grace. in the woods outside of the walls, i have found her there surrounded by them whilst i was scouting the area.” he answered, a little lie there to not mention he was lazying his post.

“it was brash of me to think i could travel in a small group.” you sighed, shrugging. “but no less am i injured nor is koner.”

“i, thank you, koner.” she nodded to him as he froze in his place, a gratitude from her majesty? you observed him as a smile escaped your lips for but a moment, only to disappear as koner’s face contorted to something else, a glint in his eyes you could tell something wasn’t right. a realization in him that had you wondering.

“just doing a soldier’s job, your grace.” he bowed his head, sansa dismissed him as he met your gaze again. you held yourself to his brown orbs, a feeling of your eyes asking him without words if you’ll see him again. a flicker showed, something else. he averted your gaze, a dread filled your throat as you watched him walk out of the halls and back to where he was. you couldn’t help but feel as if this was either a departure, your heart couldn’t take the thought anymore as sansa’s muffled words brought you back from your head.

“i believe we have a lot of catching up to do.” she smiled, offering her arm as you took it gladly. you two alone without any audience, the formal mask slowly disappearing as two childhood friends were present now.

“yes. w-we do.” you chuckled, masking your frown, looking back briefly to the closing big doors to see his figure slowly disappear from your field of vision. the uncertainty coming back, lulling yourself back into the world, hoping that last night and this morning wasn’t the last you’ll see him. or maybe in forever.

•••

mixed emotions were flying through the air as you sat in your room, a beautiful room you were brought in. warmth comforted you as you sat alone on your bed, a familiarity you had as you remembered the room you shared with him. the walk with sansa across the courtyard indeed made you feel a little better. it momentarily took your mind off the things you were dealing with, specifically the emotions you were wondering if this was right. you had remembered briefly the wide grin sansa had when you two were talking about your naive phases you two would marry. so young and full of fantasies that turned grim as reality hit the both of you. you liked that you could understand her after everything she had gone through.

to that awful joffrey baratheon then to the usurp of the freys, ramsay bolton a sensitive topic and one you knew sansa had changed after that vile man. she’s already a strong woman as you knew, just that the cruel world had made her cold to what they did to her. you nipped the bottom of your lip now, fidgeting the soft fabric of the wine red dress you wore, the hems and edges adorned with gold lace patterns and your bodice showcasing your cleavage a bit. it’s pretty, pretty for a feast you had to attend to this night. you stood up from your place, looking at yourself from the mirror as the candle lights flickered in the room.

get it together. you thought to yourself, fixing anything out of place as a knock on your door signaled you it was time to go. you took a deep breath, pushing down your worried state for him as you opened the door to be met with a surprise.

“ease down, love. it’s just me. i’ve come to escort you.” koner chuckled, you were silent to his face lit up again. than the one in hall, maybe it was just you right now. how your mind is overthinking, situations you come up in your head that lead to one cause. you’re scared. scared and uncertain for this one unexpected upbringing that made you happy and if it will end in the days to go. foolish thoughts it was, he’s standing right here wasn’t he? he still wants you for certain.

“koner.” you manage to breath out his name before pulling him in the room by his armor, slanting your lips against his with much fervor. like you wanted to savor him before you’d be back in king’s landing by the following weeks. as if time would run out if you didn’t act further. you need him.

“m’lady,” koner grunted, mumbling between your kisses. “m’lady, please—“ you didn’t hear him, choosing to pull him in further. “y/n, please. my love, not here.” he pulled away, gripping your shoulders to secure you. your eyes widened, a blush creeped up to your cheeks, embarrassment taking over.

“a-apologies.” you squeaked out, the look on his face made you crumple feeling the sting of the slight rejection. he doesn’t—

“you are trembling.” he noticed, your heart thumps against your chest as you averted his gaze just like he did before.

“i-i don’t— i don’t know why i’m…” you stuttered, feeling so dumb, as if you thought the kiss would solve your undying thoughts and desire. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have kissed you so sudden.”

“it’s not like i displease your sweet affection, love. i fear for anyone who sees upon us, a soldier and a lady. i do not wish to damage your image.” he caressed your arms, slowly gliding down to grasp your hands to his large gloved ones. you stared down to his hands as he brought both of your soft ones to his lips, kissing them gently. he still wants you. your mind repeated. the bitterness washing away.

“right.” you nodded, still feeling jittery. not like you wish to care about presenting your house, but thoughtful he was to care about you.

“why are you so shaken, my love?” koner asked sincerely, bringing your hand to his chest to hear his beating heart. koner seemed to notice the slight tremble on your sweet lips, the ones he had kissed and cherished, worshipped you this morning and the night before. it took him all the amount of restraint to not have you in here. though, he was worried seeing you like this. it was bad enough for him to get so nervous seeing you become a true sophisticated lady in front of her grace. a new person he had see in you than what he had witnessed alone before. idiotic he is to think so insecurely right now, but you were both idiots with your heads stuck up in each other’s stubborn thoughts.

“this… between us—“ you started, finally meeting his eyes again. “it’s not just a fleeting moment, is it?” you asked hopefully.

“us?” he looked a little surprised at the sudden question. he had been holding himself back for asking that as well, afraid of your answer.

“y-yes. i think i’ve made it clear that i like you…” you bashfully added. “from the morning and the night before. i can’t help but f-feel uncertain where this would lead.”

“i do like you as well, m’lady.” he strongly implied, looking in your eyes to get to his point. he does want you, in every selfish thoughts he had desired. from the moment he saw you in the woods and the first time he made you smile he was certain it would be you. you looked at him clearly this time, seeing if he was certain. his lips almost brushed against yours as he breathed out his want. “i want nothing more than to have you, if you’ll have me.”

desire runs through both of your veins. the mere closeness had you wanting for more. you could feel it again, the heat in your cunt, the same thing he had relieved you from with his cock. you hadn’t notice how warm you are just thinking about him here.

you let out a shuddery breath. “then, does it mean…”

“lady y/n?” a maid’s voice was heard as your heads whipped to the slight ajar door. the maid was about to get in but you opened it wide as koner stepped out to guide you making the maid surprise.

“m’lady.” she greeted, nodding her head to you. “your grace has requested your presence.” she looked to koner suspiciously before averting her gaze to you.

“yes. koner was just escorting me to her.” you lied, as the maid nodded and scurried off. you two fell silent the way there, you grasped his hand before going separate directions once the great hall was in view. a reminder to continue the conversation later. adorned with torches set in an ambiance as all higher ups, knights and visiting nobles adorned the hall. laughter and the scent of ale filled the entire once dull room as you could see sansa briefly talking with the lord commander of the night’s watch. her brother you remembered. that familiar black hair and attire. jon snow. you strutted towards them as you were greeted by every noble that knew of your father. finally sansa was able to stand beside you as one of the servers offered you a goblet of wine which you gladly accepted, sipping it a bit.

“fashionably late?” she asked, still a stoic expression in her face yet you knew she was teasing you.

“the bodice was a little tight to fit in, your grace.” you lied and took another sip, feeling shy all the sudden.

“it’s wonderful to see you happy.” she added, showing you a small smile as she leaned a bit to whisper. “so as he, i presume.” her gaze followed through the end of the hall. you held yourself back from reacting to widely, to know how observant she is. of course, she knew. koner was standing by the doors, watching intently in the whole room. doing his duty.

“is it that o-obvious?”

“maybe so.” she quietly said, sipping from her goblet. she didn’t say anything further but it had you reeling for the night. you took a seat amongst the table, dazzling ladies of every kind surrounding you, all chit chatting around and gossiping as ever. you tuned in from time to time, bored out of your wits but i felt good to drink and mingle. your gaze drifts afar as you glanced down to the hall, knowing clearly who you want to see. a little game you want to play.

koner grunts as he shifted himself in his posture. he yawned a bit as he heard henk, a few feet away from him, yawn as well. he felt rather uncomfortable, the reason inside his pants mainly. you looked beautiful from afar with that evening dress on, he couldn’t help but stare from time to time, feeling cocky that he’s got you. unruly thoughts in his head that he felt like his balls were suffocating, he feels like he’s a big debauchee just ogling his eyes at you. remembering the time he had touched you good. remembering your sweet smile and blissed out expression he so adored. he stirs his thoughts away, wanting to be a little respectful, but damn it—

he’s caught your gaze again. minx. you look at him from afar, standing up from your place as noble men from different houses from the north surrounded you. old hags and young pricks and all. but you looked at him slyly as you made one lord laugh out loud. he could feel it, the glint in your eyes, you presented yourself as this soft and well-mannered girl in front of those viktor eyes, but you were just a nymph, huh? his lady. his lips pursed as he felt the bulge in his trousers grow harder as you glanced to him again.

you felt a little bold for seeing him get so worked up as you excused yourself from the crowd. already sipped and took bites from the feast presented, drank your wine to the brim, feeling a bit tipsy. you looked towards koner again, walking to the direction to the room halls now. knowing he’s got your memo. it’s a bit of a long walk, no suspicion to be added knowing he knows the place than you do. you find yourself by your door, seeing as the candles were lit out from this point of the place. you glad your room was still lit with candles as you opened it, taking a step in only for another figure to push you in gently, securing the lock on the door. you turned around, wanting to scold him for being so impatient though koner cut you off as he sealed his lips to yours harshly.

•••

“you’re a fucking vixen.” he says between kisses, gloved hands cupping your ass. you squealed as he roughly hoisted you up to his arms, your hands flying to his shoulders as he plopped you on the bed. not breaking from your mouth as he lavished your tongue to his. you moaned, hands coming up to grasp his curly locks, surprised he was quick to shrug off his helmet and cloth protecting his head.

“it’s rude to be impatient.” you teased, the alcohol in your veins making you frisky. “haven’t your mother taught you manners?”

“says the one who wanted me a while ago.” he smirked.

“and i-i still do.” you pouted, your thoughts from before now gone. koner leaned in again as he kissed the corner of your mouth, caging you from above as you got to see the feral look in his eyes, dilated black, an ounce of brown only to be seen.

“let me show you how much i need you, y/n.” he breathed out, knowing well how riled up you are as well. your words he remembered clearly that you were uncertain where the two of you would go on like this. he’d show you so much more if you’d allow him.

“please.” you pleaded again and again. until the night shined, the familiar setting of the room where you two once did it for the first time. all uncertainties thrown away, just the two of you now naked and bare. you stared at hung cock, thighs rubbing together as you wondered what it felt like in your mouth.

“i want to please you.” you said before he could grasp your plush thighs to devour you again. “i want t-to do what you did to me last night. the tongue on…” your cheeks heated up as he went silent for a moment.

“you want my cock in your mouth, my love?” he grinned, cheeks red as you nodded. he kissed you again, a shiver running down his spine seeing how eager you are to want his cock.

“please. it’s all i’ve been thinking about.” you shamelessly confessed.

“i don’t think you can take it, love.” he sounded a bit worried of course, both of you were inexperienced, and this was the first time he’d ever gotten someone to explore sexual fantasies, let alone now the thought of you sucking his cock. but how could he say no to you? with that feral look on your face as you stared down to his shaft. desperate as ever. selfish whore you are.

“i can take it.” you promised, licking your lips. breasts squished together as he shamefully groped them making you moan as he slanted his mouth to yours with a approved hum.

“alright, we’ll take it slow.” he mumbled as you eagerly nodded. he got up from the bed, standing at the edge as you crawled to kneel before him on the cushions. you were met face to face with cock, tip bearing red, twitching before you. you hummed, not sure how to start but started to lick the oozing liquid from the small slit. koner shuddered, head tilting back as your tongue darted out to lick him seeing his pleased reaction.

“shit.” he muttered, you grew tired as you placed wet kisses on his shaft. hand lifting up to grasp him fully, trying your best to follow your mind what’s right or what’s wrong what you were doing. trying to remember what filth maids spew how to please a man. you finally opened your mouth, a little hesitant yet you took his tip in. he let out a groan, cupping your cheeks as you sucked his tip, tongue circling the bulb making him shudder. seven gods, he bit his lip hard seeing you take his cock in your mouth.

you hummed around it, licking it like he had licked you. you pushed it in further, enough courage to take him despite his width and length. you braced yourself, hands gripping his thighs as he caressed your cheeks making you look up as you hollowed to take him slowly even though you could feel yourself gagging.

“that’s it…” he muttered hoarsely as you sucked him. earning a loud moan from the man above. you grinned to yourself, taking him again. “oh gods.” his cheeks were bright red as his fluttered shut to the pleasure, the wet cavern of your mouth a new sensation to him. he can feel himself throb as you continued to suck leisurely. hips moving as he fucked your mouth, you relaxed your jaw, taking him in, wanting him to use your mouth.

“i’m close.” he huffed out, pulling himself out of your mouth wanting to cum inside you. you mewled, your saliva glistening on his cock, mouth drooling and your lips pouty. he kissed you, harder with more passion than he could ever muster. pushing you to lay back on the bed, he hovered above you, kissing down to your neck as you breathed out his name.

koner pressed his forehead to yours as his hand fiddled with your deprived clit, so wet and glistening as you opened your legs willingly. he hummed in satisfaction, still in daze as he kissed you again before lining himself up to your cunt. tip poking at your wet entrance as your hips rutted up to the sensation.

“you take me so well.” he whispered against your lips. your eyelids fluttered as you could feel him slowly sink in to your awaiting cunt. you whimpered, gripping his biceps as he fucked himself in to the brim of your warm pussy. your back arched, your nails scraped his freckled skin. he started pounding in, deep and hard. desperate he is, as your other hand dropped to interlace with his free one while the other leveraged himself above you, trying not to squish you with his weight.

“feels amazing.” you whispered, only his to hear. your voice in heaven as you wrapped your arms around to pull him closer. wanting to feel his skin to yours, the tingles following through as you stared at his eyes even though you felt like you were dizzy. his nose brushed against yours as his hips slapped along the rhythm, the obscene skin slapping and grunts echoing in the room, the scent of his alone making you feel at heaven.

your hearts beats against your chest again, a fluttery feeling in the inside of your stomach seeing his eyes show a display of affection you longed to see. how soft he looked and he admired you, this connection so close you could almost feel like you’ve known each for a long time. koner could only admire your beauty below him, you are an goddess sent to him. one that he certainly didn’t expect for him to find you. your breaths mingled with each other, each noise spilling from either mouth as you could feel yourself nearing your high.

“let go.” he urged, feeling your cunt squeeze him tight. quickening his pace as you sobbed feeling him pound into your hard as he didn’t break eye contact. wanting to see your face again when you fall apart. and so you did.

your belly coiled and snapped, your orgasm washing in as you moaned against koner’s lips. he shuddered, grunting as he rutted himself faster than ever, your walls milking him tight as he filled you to the brim with his seed. he groaned, lazily fucking into you to ride that high. you sighed out, kissing him softly as you caressed his curly short hair. a silence passed, soft caresses exchanged, glowing in the aftercare. koner pulled out with a hiss as he laid beside you. hand interlaced with yours, placed on your chest so he could feel the rhythm of your thumping heart.

“i don’t want to leave so soon.” you mumbled lazily, remembering you only had a certain amount of time to enjoy the rest of your stay in winterfell before you are summoned back to king’s landing. expected you are you’d be match with someone soon, remembering your mother’s words.

“how long are you staying?” he asked, kissing your shoulder.

“maybe a week or two. i do not know.” you shrugged, sighing. wishing you’d be here for a month, wanting to savor this blossoming relationship you have with him.

“then we’ll make use of the time, my love.” he whispered suggestively, pulling you in his arms. you sighed, resting your head against his chest as you needed to say it to him. what it means if this between you two needs to end and if he wants it further as you want to.

“koner.” your voice went soft and gentle. the thump of both of your hearts synchronizing. “if i go back, if i come back to king’s landing, then i’ll be wedded to some man the second i set foot there.” you mumbled, your fingers caressing his chest. “then this will be just a fleeting moment for you and i. illicit it is, but…”

“then you want this to end?” he gulped, a bitterness in his throat. remembering his place being a mere soldier and you, a noble lady.

“i want you.” you strongly replied. “i don’ want this to end.” you murmured, snugging yourself in his body warmth. basking in what maybe the few wonderful moments you’ll have with him.

“and i you.” he whispered, the courage in strong as he spilled his thoughts out. “i want nothing more than you beside me. even if we just met, i’d like to know you more than now, my love. want you to myself. even if it’s just for a moment that you’ll be gone after your visit here. i’d still want you.” he added, the sadness in his tone creeping in, mixing with his sweetness. as if he was saying he’s starting to love you. which he certainly does. he’s sure as ever even if it feels idiotic to think he can fall in-love so fast.

“koner…” you felt like crying, you leaned up to kiss him. “i’ll remember this.” you smiled at him sadly, he kissed you again, driving your thoughts away from what might come. all you two needed was each other, no future, just the present moment of what’s come to be a promised faith the gods had set.

•••

days had gone by. week after week had been bled. your stay here in winterfell was nearing it’s end as expected. a raven had been sent to you, writing of your father as he and your mother had found you suitable match. one from the most wealthiest houses in king’s landing. you’d swallow the disgust and fear reading that you were to be sent off to some lord. though, it didn’t matter as you had been enjoying your stay with koner. secret kisses shared between you two, him leading you out in the dead of the night just to see the stars from the courtyard. making love to you when the day is asleep. it felt nice to know how happy he looked as he introduced you to his family one day while you were passing by. and now, walking hand in hand with him as the snow falls, no other people around you two as you walked around the godswood of winterfell. the large tree harboring red leaves and it’s bark of a bleeding face. the small pond in front of it. beautiful it is to see.

“my mother sent a raven.” you started, stopping to stand in front of him with your hand still intertwined. koner took a step forward as his hand cupped your cheek, you leaned into his warmth as tears pooled in your eyes. the red leaves swaying above the two of you as the water rippled catching the leaf.

“what did it say?” he quietly asked, knowing what to expect as he gulped a lump.

“a marriage proposal has been accepted. i am to be wed once i come home.” you sniffled, tears falling to your cheeks. koner pulled you into his arms as he shushed your sobs.

“y/n.” he whispered even though he felt like this was a farewell.

“i don’t want to leave y-you.” you confessed sadly. gripping his armor. “i don’t want to go.”

“but you’ll have to…” he sadly added as he wiped your tears, his own eyes tearing up. you looked at him, wanting to remember his face as you leaned up to kiss him. like the first time you had did in the tavern, soft and gentle. he kissed you back, pulling you closer to breath in your scent. he didn’t want this to end either.

“i love you, koner.” you breathed out, heart telling you so that this was real. you weren’t some naive girl to not know what you want, your heart and mind said so. you love him. he seemed to be surprised as he processed your words in his mind.

“i love you too.” he kissed the tip of your nose as an idiotic thought escaped his mind. if your family didn’t want him, didn’t want you to choose for yourself then he might as well propose this thought he had for a while. a one he was too ashamed to break it to you. you waited for him to say anything else seeing his expression shifted as if he was thinking of something. you sadly smiled at him as you shook your head whatever he might say that he couldn’t spit out.

“koner…”

“marry me.”

you froze, tears staining your cheeks at his words making you take a step back. “w-what?”

“marry me.” he repeated, stepping forward, you looked at him as if he was going mad which he is if it ever meant to let you stay here with him. “right here. marry me and i’ll provide for you, i have enough for us to get a small home outside of here. just the two of us. marry me, y/n. it’s foolish, but i…”

“yes.” you nodded vigorously, somehow you didn’t feel idiotic as ever saying yes. meaning you had to give up everything you had at home. not like your family had used for you since you had a few older siblings. you were just being wed off to get rid of a nuisance.

“yes?”

“yes!” koner grinned as he swooped you in his arms. you laughed, feeling certain as ever. no sense of uncertainty or the voice of your mother screaming at you inside of your head.

“marry me, right here and now. just the two of us and the trees and our vows.” he whispered hoarsely, gaze drunken as he set you down to hold your hands together. “we’ll call a septon once i get you in a pretty white dress. but for now, just our vows.”

“and the trees.” you teasingly added, the winds swayed with one another. the snow fell softly above you two as the quietness of the grove heard only your vows. you stared at him, repeating the words in hushed whisper. the same ones you had met in the woods, the first glance you knew your world would change entirely as your words were unison. koner could only let himself bask in the sight of you doing this brash act, his heart thumping wildly, not caring the consequences as he had you now. only the godswood tree witnessed the undying act of love being held as your voices synchronized. not leaving one’s gaze as the red leaves fell hearing your vows.

“father, smith, warrior, mother, maiden, crone, stranger. i am hers and she is mine, from this day, until the end of my days.”

[annonniiiiieeeee]

I had thin question on my mind all day but if the past rise gang was to go to the future and meet their future selfs. How would their reaction to everything that happen? Like usagi, the krang ,Casey jr, Leo having kids if they travel that far to the future, what will the interactions be?

I have been thinking about this for a while. The first fanfic I ever read was about a character getting through into their future body and seeing themselves with their future husband. I don’t remember the name but I think about that thing all the time and it’s been over a decade. So let’s see if I can recapture some of that magic.

Usagi’s head hurt. He hadn’t opened his eyes yet but he could tell there was a soft light in the room. There was also a weight resting on his chest. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not at all, but he couldn’t think of what it could be.

He squeezed his eyes tight before blinking them open. He was looking up at a ceiling, but it didn’t look like the one in his room at the lair. He was confused as to why when he tilted his head down to see what the weight was.

He froze. There resting on his chest was a kame. They were fast asleep. Their head resting against his chest, their ear resting right over his heart, and their arms wrapped around his body. His own arms were wrapped around their shoulders. They were laying off to the side a bit but he could feel that their legs were tangled together underneath the blankets. The kame looked familiar, but it couldn’t be, this kame was much older then his Leonardo.

Right as his thoughts were spiraling out of control, the kame shifted against him. They let out a soft groan, tightening their arms around him and snuggling their face into his chest. Usagi felt his face burn at the motion. The kame then spoke

“Mornin’ mi amor.” Their voice was ruff with sleep but had a gentle tone, one Usagi felt like he knew better then any other and at the same time felt like a total stranger. Then the words the kame said registered. Only Leo had ever called him that.

The kame moved their head so that their chin was resting against Usagi’s chest. He finally got a good look at the kame’s face. They looked just like Leo, the same stripes and warm grey eyes. Their eyes even held the same sleepy love that Leo got when he was exhausted or had just woken up. Yet they were also so different. They were older than Leo. His boyfriend was 17 going to be 18 in the fall but this kame was in their late 20s to early 30s.

It couldn’t be Leo. Could it?

Usagi’s heart was racing and his panic must have shown on his face as the kame’s eyes widened with concern. “Usa-chan are you alright?” They asked as they sat up. With their weight off of Usagi it should have been easier to breath and yet, as the kame’s hands moved to frame his face getting close to him to inspect his features, it felt harder to breath now then before.

“Who - who are you?” Usagi tried to keep his voice steady and it almost worked up until the end. Yet the reaction to his question was almost instant.

The kame looked absolutely broken. He let go of Usagi’s cheeks as if he had been burned. He leaned back creating space between them and Usagi took the opportunity to sit up himself. The kame was watching his every move like he would break at any moment.

“Usagi-chan, this isn’t funny.” Their voice was even but Usagi could hear a tremble in it. “It’s me, Leonardo, your husband.”

As if Usagi’s world could tilt anymore. This was Leonardo. His Leonardo. The one he talked to yesterday, the 17 year old who he had made plan with to go on a date tonight. They we getting dinner and going dancing. They had plans. Yet here was Leonardo, much older then he was last night, sleeping with Usagi in his bed and calling himself Usagi’s husband.

While waking up together and being married were all a part of Usagi’s perfect dream for the future. His plan was to live through and remember all of those events. Not wake up after they had already happened! Usagi could feel his breath pick up and his body start to shake. What was happening? Was this an illusion? Was this a dream? A nightmare? Was this the future? Or was it the present and Usagi had forgotten their past?

The last option was the most terrifying. He could see the fear in this Leo’s face that Usagi wasn’t messing with him. That Usagi had genuinely forgotten the life they apparently had together. There was nothing Usagi could do to ease that fear. He didn’t remember anything that this Leo apparently did.

Leo placed a hand on his shoulder. “Usagi-chan I need you to calm down you’re starting to hyperventilate.” He took Usagi’s other hand and laid it flat against his chest. “Try to follow along and match my breathing.” He instructed gently and his started breathing nice and calmly. Usagi did his best to emulate Leo’s breathing. “Good, good, you’re doing great.” Leo praised him.

They breathed together for a few more minutes until Usagi’s breath was back at a reasonable pace. Leo sighed before asking. “Do you know who I am at all?” He looked at Usagi imploringly.

Usagi nodded his head before he spoke. “Hamato Leonardo.” He could see Leo relaxing a bit.

“Good. So based on what just happened, I’m guessing that you don’t remember everything”. Usagi shook his head no. “I thought so.” Leo breathed another sigh, most likely preparing himself for the worst. “What’s the last thing you do remember?”

Usagi opened his mouth and stopped. What was the last thing he remembered? They had been making plans for tomorrow, he remembered that. Then Raph had rushed in, he said something about there being a disturbance downtown? Usagi remembered gearing up. He remembered the ride over in the turtle tank. And then?

“We were on a mission.” He started looking down at his lap instead of Leo hoping it would help him focus. “we were-“ they were what? What were they doing last night? “We were facing someone named Hypno?” That’s right there was a magic hippopotamus!

“Wait was he stealing some sort of mystic hourglass?” Leo interrupted. When Usagi looked up he could see how hopeful the man was.

“Ya I think that’s what he was doing.” Usagi remembered that now.

“This is where you went!” Leo let out with a laugh dropping his head into his hands. “Well, now I know why you never told be what you saw in the future.”

“Future?” Usagi asked. This was the future? This? Him being married to Leo? Him and Leo waking up wrapped around each other in the mornings? This was his future? Sign him up!

Leo lifted his head out of his hands and he had a warm and fond smile across his face. “Yep this is the future, mi amor. A lot better then the one Casey came from.” He chuckled a bit to himself but he kept the warm look on his face.

Now that he wasn’t panicking and wondering who this ‘stranger’ was, Usagi really got to look at Leo for the first time. He had always thought Leo the most beautiful creature in existence.

He was right. The man in front of him was still his Leo, but he was more mature. He had more muscle mass to him, that much was obvious. And while his face was obviously older and more mature it was also incredibly handsome. He had filled out in all the best possible ways. This was Usagi’s boyfr-husband. This was Usagi’s husband! This kami among men, his.

“Like what you see?” Leo asked with a bit of a smirk letting Usagi know he had been caught staring. Usagi blushed but Leo just laughed. “Don’t feel bad, if our rolls were reversed and it was my teenage self here seeing you, I think he’d implode.”

Usagi started to respond but then he heard the sound of footsteps coming their way. Who could that be? They were obviously not living in the lair anymore as there was sunlight steaming in through the windows in their bedroom. Had Leo’s whole family moved as well? We’re they visiting the Tenshu? No he’d know those rooms. Then who?

The door to the bedroom was pushed open “Daddy, Tou-san, can we have muffins for breakfast?” A little white bunny stood there. He couldn’t be older then six with how small he was. He had long ears and white fur but Leo’s eyes and yellow strips on his arms. He looked like a cross between them, something Usagi didn’t think was possible. He was perfect.

The little boy started to make his way into the room when Leo called out to him.

“Hey buddy-“ Leo started pitching his voice.

“Why are you using the ‘Uncle Raph’ voice? Is something wrong?” The boy was obviously distressed and worried, wringing his little hands together. Usagi wanted to go to him but he also didn’t know this child and had no idea how to explain to them what was going on.

“Jotaro-chan.” Leo gently called but no longer pitched his voice. The boy’s attention was instantly on his father and he stopped wringing his hands. “Tou-san isn’t feeling well this morning.” The boy started to perk up ready to offer his assistance, but Leo gently cut him off. “Can you go tell your siblings that you’ll be spending the day with Uncle Raph?” Leo made sure to give the boy a goal as he knew Jotaro loved to help, be he didn’t want Jotaro to have the responsibility of getting his sisters ready.

He also made sure to not tell Usagi if said siblings were boys or girls, older or younger. There were some surprises he wanted to experience with his husband as they occurred.

Jotaro nodded but before running off he ran to the bed and climbed in hugging Usagi tightly. “Fell better Tou-san.” He said. Usagi wrapped his arms around the sweet boy tightly. This was his son. This was their son. His and Leo’s. They had a son together. Not just a son by the sounds of it, but multiple children. Again if this was their future, sign him up!

The little boy let go quickly and scampered off to find his sisters and tell them the news. Leo had already grabbed his phone and was shooting a text off to his family telling them that he need someone to watch the kids as Usagi was out of commission. He would be fine but they needed space, Leo would fill them in later. Raph responded the fastest, as he always did when family was concerned, and let Leo know he would be ready for the kids in just a few moments.

Leo turned back to Usagi who hadn’t stopped staring at the doorway since Jotaro left. “Will you be okay on your own for a few minutes? I need to take care of the kids real fast.” Leo questioned.

Usagi’s head snapped back to face him. “I can help!” He exclaimed starting to get out of bed. But Leo placed a hand in his shoulder stilling his movements.

“I can’t imagine how you have to be feeling right now. You just found out we’re married with kids, but there are somethings I want to keep a surprise.” He could see a fight starting with in Usagi so he quickly played a card he knew always won. “There are things I want to experience for the first time with my husband. I know my past counter part can’t wait to have this with you but let somethings be a surprise for both of us okay?” It worked Usagi nodded his head in agreement. Even with his teenage brain his husband could never deny him when he played the husband card. To be fair he could never deny Usagi when he used it either.

Leo stood up,grabbing a hold of his cane as he stood, and leaned over pressing a quick kiss to Usagi’s forehead. “I’ll be back soon.” And with that he was off.

Usagi sat there looking at the door Leo had closed behind him. He flopped down onto the bed with a huff. He was trying to get his brain to wrap around what was happening.

He was in the future. He was married to Leonardo! They had kids together! More then two by the sounds of it.

But how did he get here? And how does he get back home? This Leo needed his husband back. The kids needed their Tou-san back. (and isn’t amazing to think that.) But most importantly to him, his Leo need him back. What was happing in their time? Was his future consciousness inside his teenage body? Was he telling his Leo that everything was going to be okay? Or was Leo and their families without him right now?

‘Focus’ Usagi thought, ‘one crisis at a time.’ He picked one question to focus on. Starting with the one he hoped he had the answer to. How did he get here?

He tried to remember what happened the night before. Raph got a call about a disturbance downtown. But specifically it was the…..Museum! They had gone to The Metropolitan Museum of Art. There was a new exhibit on display. Part of it was this hourglass that seemed to never run out. It was mystic and Hypno? was going after it. (Usagi was still learning all of the names of the people his boyfriend and family did battle with regularly)

When they got there Hypno had almost gotten a hold of it but they stopped him. There had been a fight, he knew that for sure, but then what? He thought really hard and remembered that Mikey had grabbed a hold on Hypno with his mystic nunchaku but Hypno had grabbed the chain and used it to swing Mikey into the display. It launched the artifact into the air. Usagi had been closest. He had run to catch the falling hourglass. But something had happened. The sand had started to glow. Then he caught it and…..

And nothing. That was the last thing he remembered. He remembered catching the artifact and then nothing.

He sat back up with a sigh. Well that explains how he got here. Mystic madness. But how does he go home?

“Hey ‘sagi-chan.” He looked up just in time to see an older version of Mikey walk into the room with Leo right behind him. “Leo called me. Said that today’s the day you got sent ahead to. What’s the last thing you remember.” He asked as he gently sat on the bed across from Usagi. Leo sat next to Usagi resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Usagi looked between them before answering. “We were fighting Hypno. There was this mystic hourglass that got launched into the air. I remember catching it but nothing else.” He hoped that they had a way to send him home.

Mikey hummed and nodded. “That lines up with the events of that night as we know them.” He held his hand out. “Might I check your mystic energy?” Usagi didn’t know what that meant but he trusted Mikey to not hurt him. He rested his hand on top of Mikey’s open palm, he could feel Leo removing his hand from his shoulder. Mikey closed his eyes before opening them again, this time they had a bright orange glow to them. A soft orange glow spread over his body, once it reached their joined hands the glow spread over Usagi as well but it wasn’t orange instead the light became a soft light blue. Lighter then the glow he knew Leo to have when using his nimpo. That glow spread over his body, but it wasn’t the only color. There were swirls of green moving across his glow like smoke.

“Is that the time magic?” Leo asked watching the color swirl over his husband’s body. It was thin and whispy, yet it was there. It was strange looking at his husband and knowing that even though his body was the same as it was last night, his mind was that of his teenage self. While he always loved Usagi he desperately wanted his husband back. Soon if possible.

“Yes that’s what it is.” Mikey said as he closed his eyes again. The glow leaving both of them as well. Mikey let go of Usagi’s hand and opened his non-glowing eyes once more. Usagi felt Leo’s hand return to him this time rubbing soothing circles on his back.

“So Mikey, what do you think?” Leo wanted to know what they need to do to get his husband back.

“It would seem that the spell is temporary. It sent his mind here but only for a short while.” He turned to meet Usagi’s eyes and addressed him directly. “Once the spell times out you should return to your time,” he then looked over at his brother. Leo was hiding his anxiety well. He had to when the kids were here, but with them gone Mikey knew he was still keeping up appearances to not freak this Usagi out. “And our Usagi should awaken, it will just feel like he slept in.”

Leo breathed a sigh of relief knowing that his husband was going to be alright. Usagi looked down in thought. “So that means that in my time there is no future Usagi talking to all of you.” He could feel Leo stuffing beside him and wondered if he asked the wrong question. Then Mikey chuckled as he stood up.

“No. I remember that fight. After you caught the artifact there was a flash of green light. When it cleared you were passed out on the ground. We couldn’t wake you up.” He nodded his head over towards Leo. “Someone almost went feral trying to make Hypno reverse what he did.”

“I was panicking.” Leo called out after his brother. Mikey chuckled as he walked away.

“Judging by how little of the magic remains, the spell should time out in about a half-hour.” He said as he opened the door. He looked over his shoulder at the two still sitting on the bed. “I’ll go make breakfast and then come back to check on you. If our Usagi’s not back by then, we’ll call Barry in for his assessment.” And with that he left the two alone.

They sat their in silence for a moment, before Usagi couldn’t keep his questions to himself any more. “So we’re married.” It was a statement. A hopeful statement but a statement none the less. Leo laughed loudly next to him.

“You just got flung several years into your future body and that’s the thing your brain is stuck on.” He said chuckling at Usagi.

Usagi tuned to face Leo making sure he had the laughing kame’s attention. “Of course it’s the only thing I’m thinking about! It’s all I every wanted!” Oops didn’t mean to say that.

Leo stilled looking at Usagi. Usagi had pulled back, his shoulders curling and his head lowered. It was strange seeing his husband so embarrassed. Yet at the same time it was quite the deceleration. He knew Usagi had always wanted to be with him, but this Usagi was pulled from very early on in their relationship. Surly there were other things his husband had wanted out of life.

“I- for a long time all I wanted was to be the best samurai, to protect those around me, and bring honor to myself and Katsuichi-sama. Then I met you and things changed. While I still wanted those things I realized I wanted you more. This is everything I ever wanted.” Usagi said as he looked up at Leo peering though his lashes at his husband. “Having you as my husband. Being your’s forever. And we get to have kids!” Usagi started to get more excited as he spoke. “I want to know everything but I also don’t want to mess this up.” He froze. When Casey Jr. went back in time he changed his future. What if Usagi changed this? Or messed up along the way?

Leo was still processing what Usagi had just said. There was never a doubt in his mind that Usagi and him were meant to be. That there was no one better in the universe for him. But there were times that Usagi reminded him just how perfect they were for each other.

“You won’t mess this up.” Leo said his tone full of sincerity. Usagi looked at him, Leo could see the hope in his eyes as he continued. “Young me is crazy about you. I still am. There’s no way you could mess this up. So don’t stress about it. Everything falls into place you’ll see.” Leo said as he gently took Usagi’s left hand in his own. Their wedding ring catching the light as he moved their hands up.

Usagi smiled at the sight of the rings in their fingers. They were going to have this someday. Him and Leo were going to be together for the rest of their lives. He got to spend the rest of his life making Leo and their future children happy. He didn’t care what else came in the future as long as he got to have this.

Leo smiled at his husbands joyful face. “You should be going back soon. When you get there I’m going to be hovering. Past me was worried sick over you.” Leo said with a bit of a chuckle.

Usagi met his eyes, and for the first time since he arrived, he was confident enough to smirk at Leo. “Don’t worry I’ll make it up to you.”

Leo laughed. “I know you will.” Leo remembered this incident well. Then his face softened into a fond smile. “You always do.” Anytime Usagi made him worry he was always extra sweet and romantic to ‘make up for it.’

Usagi returned Leo’s smile before looking down, thinking carefully over his next words. “Can I ask one question. I know you don’t want to tell me a lot of things as we should experience somethings together and I agree with you. But can I ask,” he paused blowing out a breath. Then he raised his head to look Leo right in his eyes. “Are we - No. Are you happy?”

Leo’s brain stopped. He expected questions about their lives, their kids, even their family and friends, but not that. “Of course.” The answer left his mouth without much thought. He reached out to place his hand on Usagi’s shoulder. “Usa-chan I am so wonderfully and incandescently happy. I love you more every day. You know how important family is to me, and now I have my own. You and the kids, my siblings and their families, our clan is so much bigger now then I ever imagined it could be.” He paused cupping Usagi’s cheek with his hand. “You make me so happy.”

Usagi smiled brightly. “Then I know everything I need to. Because you make me the happiest I’ve ever been.” He said as he leaned into Leo’s palm.

Leo returned the smile. “You don’t want to know if there are any world ending events or apocalypse coming our way.” He said it in a teasing tone, but when he saw genuine fear start to enter Usagi’s face he was quick to reassure him. “There isn’t. We’re all safe. There are some fights and villains along the way but nothing we can’t face.”

Usagi instantly relaxed again. “I wasn’t worried. There’s nothing we can’t face together.” He said it with youthful confidence that everything would be alright.

It reminded Leo of just how young they had been. How confident his Usagi had always been in their future. Leo was the worrier between them. The Krang and his actions leading to an apocalypse making him constantly stress about his actions and their future consequences. But Usagi had always reassured him. The same gentle confidence that they could face anything as long as they were together, defeat any foe, fix any mistake. Usagi would be there for him and he would be there for Usagi. It was one of the many reasons he loved his husband so.

Usagi’s eyes were growing heavy. It was hard to keep them open. “Usa-chan?” He heard Leo call for him but he didn’t have the energy to respond.

Usagi went limp. Leo quickly caught his husband pulling him close. Usagi’s teenage consciousness must have gone back in time. Now he just had to wait for his husband to wake up.

——————————————————————

“I think he’s waking up! Usa-chan can you hear me!” Usagi groaned as he squeezed his eyes tight before opening them. There was his Leonardo inches from his face. His wonderful, beautiful, boyfriend. He watched as Leo’s face lit up with a smile. He turned his head to the side to call out to the others. “Guys he’s awake!”

Usagi could hear the sound of foot steps coming their way but at that moment he didn’t real care about anyone else. He reached his hand up and used his palm to turn Leo’s head to face his again before pulling Leo down for a kiss. He felt Leo’s surprise before his boyfriend leaned into him and kissed him back.

“Usagi-chan!” The two separated at the excited call of Kitsune as she bounded into the room. She climbed up onto the bed as well hugging them both. She was quickly followed by Gen who joined the hug as well. “We’re so glad your okay.” Kitsune cried out.

“You are okay, right?” Usagi turned to see Raph and the rest of Leo’s siblings pour into the room as well.

Usagi nodded and looked over at Leo again. “I feel great. What happened?” He knew what happened but he wanted to hear their side first while he determined how much to share of his own experience. While part of him wanted to latch onto Leo and tell him everything another part of him remembered what future Leo said. There are somethings he wanted to experience with his boyfriend first hand.

Mikey started telling the story. Their fight with Hypno and Usagi grabbing the artifact. “Leo went to check on you but you were completely out. Hypno said something about the artifact not working for another 50 years. Turns out the thing has a time limit and use limit. Leo asked him what the spell was and how long the spell lasted for? Hypno told us that he wasn’t sure where you went as he didn’t cast the spell and that it could take anywhere from a few minutes to a few years for you to wake up.”

“Hold up.” Usagi interrupted. “It could have taken years?” No wonder future Leo had been freaked out. The idea of being away from his Leo for that long while also trying to fill the shoes of his future counter part was terrifying. He couldn’t imagine how either of the Leo’s had felt.

“Ya you should have seen Strips reaction to that.” Gen huffed trying to bring back the light hearted attitude from before. “He attacked the Hypno demanding he undo it. Spikes had to hold him back.” He was bad at lightning the mood but he tried. Though it did seem some people in the room found Leo’s reaction funny now that Usagi’s life wasn’t on the line.

“I was panicking.” Leo defended himself. Usagi reached out and intertwined there hands to bring his boyfriend some comfort. He’d make it up to Leo for worrying him so much.

“Anyhow we brought you back here to rest. There wasn’t much we could do besides monitor your vitals and wait.” April picked up the story. “Leo stayed up to watch over you. We were about to drag him out for some rest, so you got great timing Bunny Boy.”

Usagi smiled at them, but on the inside his heart hurt for his boyfriend. He knew he worried everyone he could see it in their faces, but if their rolls were reverse and it was Leo who might not wake up for years he would have lost his mind.

“Sooooooo, what do you remember about the future. How far ahead did you go. What was the world like. Was Donnie Tech doing well?” Donnie quickly changed the subject to something he was sure everyone wanted to know. Okay maybe not the Donnie Tech question, but everything else the others would want to know.

“Usagi blinked at him. Time to decide what to share. He reached his spare hand up to rub the back of his neck. “You know I don’t remeber to much. Magic must have messed with my memory. But I do know we’re all safe.” That felt safe and important enough to share. He squeezed Leo’s hand as he talked trying to bring him comfort. He could see disappointment on some of their friend face that he didn’t know more about their futures. Suspicions on others who thought he knew more then he was saying. But Casey was the one who spoke, his face full of relief.

“That’s all that matters then. We’re all safe. That’s better the the future I came from.” His comment sobered the mood but also made the other more thoughtful and grateful for the news Usagi had given them. “Come on let’s give him some space guys. It’s hard to process two time lines at once.” And with that Casey lead the others out of the room. Gen and Kitsune grabbed one more hug before leaving their brother and his boyfriend alone. Usagi wouldn’t let go of Leo’s hand and even if he had Leo wouldn’t have left anyways.

“So is that really all you remember?” Leo asked without looking at Usagi. Usagi looked at Leo before letting out a sigh. His boyfriend knew him well.

“No.” He was honest. “But I was asked not to share to much and I’m going to respect that.” Leo turned to look at him about to ask who had made Usagi promise such a thing but Usagi lifted his free hand to Leo’s check. “What I will tell you is that you are happy in the future. You are safe and happy and the future is better then you can imagine right now.” Leo softened at Usagi’s words and leaned into the hand on his cheek placing his own palm on top of it.

“What about you? Are you happy and safe in the future?” Leo asked the question softly desperate to know.

Usagi rubbed his thumb over Leo’s cheek pulling him closer. “I didn’t get to talk to future me, but if he’s anything but happy he’s the biggest idiot in the world. So yes I would say I’m safe and happy in the future.” Leo smiled at his boyfriend’s response but Usagi wasn’t done yet. He gently placed a kiss against Leo’s lips before pulling away looking adoringly at his boyfriend. “I’m sorry I made you worry. I hate causing to stress.” Leo gave him a shaky smile.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault and your back now that’s all that matters.” Usagi shook his head. He let go of Leo’s hand so he could wrap his arm around Leo’s waist pulling Leo up into his lap and holding him close. Leo’s now free hand finding a place on his chest and shoulder.

“I know it’s not my fault. Doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt you. Can I make it up to you?” He asked looking up at Leo face. Leo’s smiled warmly at him.

“And how do you plan to do that?” The question was teasing and Usagi could feel the stress starting to leave Leo’s body as he relaxed into Usagi’s hold. He smiled up at his boyfriend sliding his hand from Leo’s cheek to the back of his head, Leo’s second hand draping over Usagi’s shoulder and back.

“I was thinking about not letting you go for a few hours before going on that date a promised you.” Usagi started.

Leo smiled and laughed, “sounds like a start to me.” He opens his mouth probably to tease Usagi more but he didn’t get to as Usagi pulled his head down into a kiss distracting Leo from anything else for a while.

——————————————————————

In a far distant future a samurai awoke sitting up in the arms of his husband. “Leonardo-chan.” He groaned out. He felt Leo tighten his arms around him. “Why are we sitting up?” He gently pushed himself out of Leo’s hold so he could look at his husband’s face. When their eyes met he saw that there were tears in his husband’s eyes. “What’s wrong my beloved?” Nothing else mattered right now Leo was upset.

But Leo just let out a chuckle before pulling his husband into a kiss. “Nothing’s wrong.” He reassured when he broke the kiss. “I just got to have a conversation with your teenage self.”

“My teenage - that was today!” Usagi pulled back quickly framing his husbands face with his hands. “I’m sorry I had a feeling it was soon I should have warned you. He didn’t say or do anything to stupid did he.” Usagi thought about that memory a lot over the years. He had wanted to pinpoint the moment it would happen so he could warn Leo in advance. He had thought they had more time.

Leo just laughed again. “Not your fault mi amor. And no you didn’t do anything stupid.” Leo then gave his husband a warm smile. “It actually reminded me just how much I love you and how lucky we are.” Leo said pulling his husband into a hug.

Usagi laughed as well. “Then I guess I should be thankful to past me.” He places a kiss on to Leo’s cheek before leaning close to his ear. “But I still want to make it up to you. I know how you worry.”

Leo snuggled deeper into his husband hold. “Your in luck. Raph’s got the kids for the day.”

Usagi smiled. “Perfect. Though I do want to see them later. I hate being away from them for to long.”

Leo tightens his arms around his husband. “I know, I feel the same. One of the many reasons I love you.”

[the-dye-stained-socialite]

@fallenlondonficswap @thedeafprophet a little gift for Prophet as part of the group gift exchange! Alex's Insomnia. Alex/Fires, general rating, 758 words, insomnia and fluff

As Alex stepped into his apartment, the reflective silver of his mirror rippled, then settled once more into solid glass. His tail was left behind in reflection, his ears returned to human shape, and the almost-warmth of the Cosmogone Sun faded behind him. The persistent sense of bone-deep exhaustion, forcibly held back by a stubborn awakeness, did not. It had, in fact, been tormenting him for days. Nights. An unpleasant period of time.The irony of one who guided and guarded dreamers being unable to sleep was not lost on him.

Maybe it would be easier if it weren't so bloody cold, he thought. Alex sighed, and removed his spectacles, moving through the door and into his bedroom.It was so much harder to fall asleep when it was cold, and winter in the Neath had a special way of leeching the heat from one's bones. Lacre had only begun to appear just last week, and the temperature plummeted with it.

When he entered, it seemed as though his bedroom was somehow multiple degrees colder than the rest of his apartment. Maybe it was the outside walls? Maybe it was the thin pane windows? Or maybe it was the lack of… ugh, no. He was not going to think of that. Instead, he'd light the Firesplace.

Between nightmares, wounds, and the cold, sleep had become a rare luxury. The closest thing he could usually get nowadays was a trip into Parabola to help others get a restful night. In the Is though, he would normally attempt to exhaust himself by planning out further heists, but all of those plans had been finished a night ago. Besides, he had neither mind nor energy to spend on that tonight. So to a different, warmer solution it was.

Alex set his glasses on his nightstand. Searched around for his matches. Searched around for tinder. Found an unanswered invitation to a long-past party (a whole 1899 ago) and figured it would do. He rubbed at an eye idly. His head felt like it was full of wool.

He didn't remember lighting the fire, nor laying down on his rug, but when his attention snapped back to the present, there he was. Sideways, curled up under his cloak, and staring at the fire for long it had burned afterimages onto his retinas.

But what had gotten his attention?

"Alexander, what are you doing?"

Huh, he really was tired if he had managed to miss the enormous Master of coal shoving itself into his room. That was actually rather concerning. Maybe he should set up-

"I repeat, what are you doing?" It leaned down to tower over him, gaze alone radiating more heat than his pitiful fireplace would.

Alex was conscious enough to suppress a whimper, but not conscious enough to not have needed to in the first place. Surely his exhaustion showed? "I'm trying-" He paused to shift upwards on an arm, "to get to sleep. It was nearly working before you broke into my home."

Impressively, he managed to miss exactly what happened next. He could have sworn Fires had scooped him up in a tangled cocoon of cloaks, compared him to a cat, and carried him over to his bed, but he wasn't certain. Regardless, Fire's greatest annoyance found himself laying on top of it. Furthermore, it had apparently unbuttoned its cloak, revealing a bright orange ruff, and the softest chest fur he had ever felt. Alex was immediately enamored, and stuffed his hands as far deep into that fur as was physically possible.

Oh, and it was incredibly warm, and the fur kept him so pleasantly insulated. It reminded him of a freshly baked pastry. Heat soaked into his every muscle and joint, soothing and relaxing him. Fires laughed a quiet chuckle when Alex began to knead its ruff. He was too close to be self conscious. It was incredibly hard to resist when he was melting into sleep.

"Get some rest, little Lyon."

And finally, surrounded by softness and heat, the Silverer managed his first night of sleep that week.

Fires would not stay until morning. It would leave an hour before the workday would begin, and several hours before Alex would awaken, finding himself wrapped in blankets. But it would stay until well past him entering deep sleep, original intentions for its visit long discarded.

They could argue another day.