#it was a longer and more interesting experience and a few others got that too

[javiscigarette]

Bad Fun

Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary: Jealous Joel takes you in the bar bathroom. (Inspired by the like five jealous Joel requests that have been sitting pretty in my inbox for weeks).

Warnings: smut, established relationship, (semi) public sex, slapping, degradation, hair pulling, pretty rough (consensual!) sex, possessive Joel <3, heavy on the dirty talk and daddy kink no use of y/n

w/c: 3.4k

A/N: Answered a request? How very unlike me. Idk why but you guys were thirsty for jealous Joel but I am not complaining! Also two fics in a week? who am I turning into?

my masterlist

You can feel his eyes on you, even with your back turned to him. And you can see the way the men look over your shoulder, casting anxious glances at the man who’s now giving them an icy glare. 

“Well, if you ask me, I’d say you’re far too young and pretty to be hanging around with a man like that” one of them says as he casually places a hand on your midback. 

You raise an eyebrow at him, but you don’t say anything about his hand on you. 

“A man like what?” you ask innocently.

Almost everyone in Jackson knew about you and Joel. The two of you were practically glued at the hip, if there was one of you, then the other wasn’t far away. Joel usually had a protective arm draped your shoulders, keeping you safely tucked away under his arm. Or a hand tucked in the back pocket of your jeans as you walk the streets of Jackson together, giggling at some inside joke like you were the only two people in the world.  

And most men knew that you were off limits. Most of them were smart enough not to test Joel like that, fully aware of the repercussions that come with going after his girl. But these younger men, the one’s around your age, were still ballsy enough to push the boundaries. 

The man laughs, his hand slowly sliding further down your back. 

“He’s just a bit old for you, isn’t he? He’s like 50, isn’t he?”  

You bite your lip to hold back a laugh. You glance over your shoulder at Joel where he’s seated at a table across the room with Tommy and a few other guys from patrol. He has his front turned to you as he leans back in chair, one hand wrapped around his glass of whiskey and the other resting casually on his crotch. His eyes are dark as he watches you carefully and a small but dangerous smirk is tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

“More years of experience” you quip, turning back around and taking a sip from the cocktail that one of them bought for you. 

The boys laugh, and the hand on your back slides down even lower until he’s inches away from your ass. You allow it, fully aware that Joel is still watching you.  

“Maybe” he says, stepping closer towards you and closing the space “But I bet I could last longer than him.” 

You supress another laugh as images of Joel fucking you into the mattress for hours flashing through your head. If only they knew. 

“Buy me another drink and maybe I’ll want to find out if you’re right” you say, looking at him through your lashes trying to feign innocence. 

The man smirks, entire too confident in his abilities to pull someone else’s girlfriend, much less Joel Miller’s girlfriend. You giggle as he rushes to turn around and find the bartender, flagging him down and pointing to your empty glass. 

These men are cute enough, boyish faces with a youthful sparkle in their eyes. Still, they’re obviously not you’re type and you’re far from being interested in slightest.

It’s not the flirting that fun, it’s what comes after. 

Joel watches you for a few more minutes, his skin growing hot with jealousy as he watches the man inch his hand further and further down your back. But he doesn’t intervene. If he didn’t know any better, those men would be on the floor before they even got the chance to touch you. 

But he’s not that naïve. He’s played this game with you before and he knows exactly what you want. 

He downs the rest of his whiskey and sets the glass on the table before standing up and heading towards the bathroom. He crosses your line of sight on the way but doesn’t make any effort to acknowledge you. 

He knows you’re watching. 

“I’ll be back, you boys have fun without me” you say quickly before finishing your drink and setting the empty glass on the bar. You don’t give them a chance to respond before you’re slipping away and heading towards the bathroom. 

Your entire body is vibrating with excitement as you practically run after Joel, heady desperation mixing with the alcohol in your veins. There’s only one bathroom and you only have to knock once before Joel swings the door open and yanks you inside. You giggle with excitement as he pushes you up against the door and clicks the lock in place. 

With one hand on your hip, he shoves a knee between your legs so that his thick thigh presses firmly against your core. 

“Such a fuckin’ slut” Joel growls. He brings his other hand up to grip your jaw, his fingertips digging in your cheeks and squeezing so hard that your mouth pops open.

“Can’t leave you alone for two goddamn seconds without you whorin’ yourself out.” 

The whiskey is heavy on his breath and his eyes are dark, his pupils blown from the liquor and lust making you clench around nothing, already hopelessly turned on. His grip on your both your hip and jaw are firm and unforgiving, serving as an indicator for what’s about to go down. You know that you probably shouldn’t push him more than you already have, but you can’t resist. 

“They were saying they could fuck me better.” 

Joel’s jaw tightens and his scowl deepens as he narrows his eyes at you. He’s still for a beat, and you bat your eyelashes at him innocently. Then within an instant, he manhandles you over to the sink, pinning your front against the fake marble countertop with his hips. You giggle again when you feel the bulge in his jeans pressing firmly against your ass as he holds you tight against him. 

He snakes an arm up the front of your body, his forearm resting heavy and warm between your breasts as he grips your jaw once again, forcing you to look straight ahead. Your gaze meets his in the mirror and a hot wave of arousal washes over you as he slips his other hand between your legs. 

“Jesus fuck” he groans quietly when he feels how wet you are.  

“I know what your little plan is, sweetheart” Joel murmurs as his fingers feather over your swollen, dripping seam. “Actin’ like a fuckin’ slut to get me to bend you over and make you stupid on my cock, right angel?”  

You just grin smugly and back up against him.  His eyes get even darker, and you can see the muscles in his jaw flexing subtly under his skin. 

You nod weakly and whine at his words, a jolt of electricity shooting down your spine as try to grind down on his fingers, desperately chasing after any sort of friction. But Joel’s not having it. He moves his hand away from your jaw briefly so he can deliver a sharp smack to your cheek. It’s not hard enough to truly hurt, but it’s definitely enough to make your eyes snap open and your skin tingle for a few seconds. 

“Use your words” Joel hisses, his fingers curling around your jaw once again.  

“Yes, Joel.” 

Another quick slap. 

“And mind your fuckin’ manners.” 

You whine again before correcting yourself. 

“Yes, daddy” 

Joel groans and rolls his hips against your ass in approval. You whimper when his hand leaves your core, but you’re quickly rewarded when he slides his two fingers, damp with your slip past your lips. You suck on them happily, satisfied with something finally in your mouth. You languidly roll your tongue around them, licking off arousal and coating them liberally with your saliva. Joel watches you through the mirror and leans in until his mouth is inches away from your ear. 

“Look at that” he whispers, his warm breath fanning over your ear and jaw. “My dirty little girl, so desperate for her daddy.” 

Hi cock twitches against you as he watches your eyes roll back as drool starts to leak out of the corner of your mouth, a small drop sliding down your chin. He curses under his breath and slowly removes his fingers from your mouth. You whine at the loss, but the sound quickly melts into a loud, drawn-out moan when he shoves them inside of you. He doesn’t give you any time to adjust, just starts pumping his two fingers in and out of you at a dizzying pace. He watches you in the mirror and forces you to watch too, his grip tightening on your face. 

“So fuckin’ wet for me already, angel” Joel groans. “Does actin’ like a goddamn whore turn you on, baby? S’that why your little pussy is already dripping all over my fingers?

“Daddy please” you pant, already embarrassingly close to release.

He just chuckles breathlessly as you squeeze around his fingers. Another loud moan tumbles past your lips when he adds a third finger. It burns in the best way, your sensitive walls stretching out around his thick fingers.

But he suddenly stills his fingers inside of you and the pleasure starts to quickly fade. You whimper and wiggle your hips, already missing the sensation. 

“Be a good slut and fuck yourself on daddy’s fingers.” 

You make a garbled sound in your throat and immediately start to grind your hips back. You try to position your body to get his fingers deep like they were before, but it’s no use. Only he knows how to get that perfect angle. With a frustrated huff and no other options, you double down on your efforts. You curl your fingers over the beveled edge of the fake marble countertop and push your hips back. 

The lewd squelching sounds of his fingers working your tight cunt open bounce off the walls of the small bathroom and into your ears, sending a wave of heat down your body. He groans next to your ear when you start squeezing his fingers so hard that you’re almost forcing them out. 

“Greedy fuckin’ slut” Joel whispers. “You gonna cum like this?” 

 He’s well aware that it’s not enough. But he loves to watch you try. 

“Can’t, Joel” you whine. You yelp when Joel pulls his fingers from you and delivers a sudden smack to your ass. 

“What’s my fuckin’ name?” Joel hisses, squeezing your jaw even tighter. You wouldn’t be surprised if you found bruises in the shape of his fingertips in the morning. 

“Daddy” you whine, high pitched and needy.

He grunts approvingly then suddenly removes his fingers. You whimper quietly at the loss and watch through the mirror moves to unbuckle his belt. He shoves his jeans down just enough to free his cock then bunches the hem of your dress around your waist. 

“Tell me something, baby” Joel sighs, using both hands to spread your cheeks and exposing your burning heat to the cool room of the air. “Do you think they could fuck you better than I can?”

“No, daddy” you reply without missing a beat. 

Joel hums but doesn’t say anything as he takes a half step forward, pressing his cock against your dripping seam. You moan softly at the sensation, the smooth, warm skin of his tip rubbing against your puffy clit. He starts to rock his hips, slowly dragging his cock back and forth through your folds, lubing himself up with your slick. 

“Are you this fuckin’ wet for them?” he rasps, his fingertips digging into your hips.

“No, daddy” you gasp. 

“Then who’s this pussy so needy for?” Joel taunts, the fat tip of his cock notching at your entrance. 

You clench around nothing and ty to push your hips back against him, but the sharp spank he lands on your ass stops you. 

“You daddy! Please daddy, only for you.” 

“That’s right, angel” Joel praises, bringing both hands to your hips. “You’re fuckin mine.”  

With that, he pushes inside and buries himself to your hilt in one fluid movement. Your knees buckle and your head falls forward, hanging between your shoulders, but the arm he wraps around your waist keeps you upright. He holds you tight in place and snaps his hips against your ass, knocking all the air out of your lungs and getting impossibly deep with each thrust. You try to bite back the loud moans but it’s a lost cause when he finds the angle where his tip kisses your cervix with every stroke. 

He starts pounding into you faster and removes his arm from your waist, his hand now trailing up your back instead. He fists his hand in your hair and pulls your head up and holds you there, forcing you to look ahead in the mirror. 

“You keep your eyes on me. Since you seem to have trouble rememberin’ who fuckin’ owns you” 

Your eyelids flutter, but you don’t dare close them. You stare at him through the mirror, eyebrows drawn together with your mouth hanging open, strained whines and moans slipping past your lips as he continues with his brutal pace. And he just smiles down at your almost cruelly. 

Joel laughs breathlessly from behind you when you let out a loud, broken moan and your cheeks heat up at the sound, knowing that there are people less than five feet away on the other side of the wall. It’s mortifying for you, but it only fuels Joel’s fire. 

 “M’not gonna cover your mouth, sweetheart” Joel grunts, tightening his grasp in your hair even more. “Want you to let everyone in this bar know who’s fuckin’ you this good” 

Your eyes roll into the back of your head and the sounds start to freely pour out of you. The way he’s pounding relentlessly right into your g-spot causes the heat swirling in your belly to start burning hotter. Your knees are starting to buckle and your fingers scramble on top of the countertop, searching for purchase on the smooth surface as you try to keep yourself upright. 

Joel isn’t any help. He just watches you carefully in the mirror as he slams into you so harshly that you’ll probably have light purple bruises on your hips from where you keep hitting the edge of the counter. And the way his cock starts pulsating inside of you when you start clenching around him drives you both crazy. 

Your whole body feels on fire now with tingles spreading from your lower abdomen and up your spine to the rest of your body. You know he won’t let you finish. You’ve gotten yourself in this exact situation more than enough times to know that. And you also know how annoyingly in tune he is with your body he is, noticing every single miniscule cue you display. 

So, you try to hide it. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, trying to suppress your moans and you try to take deep breaths to calm yourself down, but it’s no use when you start to shake.  Joel groans then lets out a dark chuckle from behind as you tremble and reflexively clamp down around him, letting you know that yeah, of course he fucking noticed. 

He leans forward while simultaneously pulling your back by your hair until his lips are brushing the shell of your ear and whispers “Bad girls don’t get to cum”  

He then pulls out and takes a step back fisting his cock. 

“Get on your knees” Joel commands before you even have the chance to whine at the sudden loss. 

You automatically sink to your knees, leaning heavily into the sense of submission that starts to cloud your brain. He looks down at you and smirks at the captivated look on your face as you watch him steadily stroke his cock. The thing is, you can pick up on his cues too, no matter how much he tries to hide behind the façade of his dominance. You can see it in the way his heaving chest starts to flush, the dark blush spreading up his neck and to his cheeks. His breaths get quicker, fand he has a harder time keeping the whines out of his moans. 

You look up at him from your spot on the floor with wet, glassy eyes and he curses under his breath at the sight. 

“Open your mouth, baby.”

You obey and part your wet lips. 

“Good girl” he groans, taking a step forward until he’s inches away from your face. “Daddy’s gonna cum in your mouth, babygirl. D’ya want that?” 

You nod vigorously and give him a small whimper for good measure.  

“Please, daddy” you whisper, sticking your tongue out.

 Joel curses again and his hand on his cock starts to move faster while his free hand moves to the back of your head. Your scalp is already sore from the grasp he had on it earlier so you’re relieved when he doesn’t pull, just gently tangles his fingers in your hair to hold your head in place. 

“Knew you would. You’re just a slut for daddy’s cum, aren’t you?” he teases breathlessly. 

“Please daddy!” you whine again, not at all ashamed of the desperation in your voice.  

Joel grunts and his wrist faulters again as he stares at your awaiting tongue. You wait as patiently as you can, subtly trying to squeeze your thighs together searching for any bit of friction you can get. 

“Fuck angel you look so good like this” he groans, his hips involuntary rolling up to meet his fist. “On your knees waiting for daddy to cum like a good fuckin’ slut.” 

You glow under his praise and start to say something, but Joel’s breathing starts getting heavier and his grunts and moans are getting louder and before you can say anything, he’s thrusting his hip forward to slide his tip past your lips. 

You instantly wrap your lips around him and he doesn’t push in any further, just keeps the tip in your warm, awaiting mouth, his cock pulsing as he unloads rope after rope of hot cum. You try your best to keep eye contact with him, but the feeling of his hot, salty release on your tongue has your eyelids fluttering as your head starts to go dizzy and floaty. 

You also try your best to keep his cum on your tongue, knowing that there was a reason that he didn’t push in all the way and fuck your throat. But it’s so much, it’s always so fucking much that you can’t stop some of it from sliding down your throat. 

“That’s my good girl, My go- ah fuck baby” Joel cuts himself off with a careless moan. You can feel your slick starting to leak out of you and down your thighs at the sound. 

“My good fuckin’ girl. All fuckin’ mine.” 

He hisses when you dip your tongue into his oversensitive slit and reluctantly pulls out of your mouth. You press your lips together, keeping your mouth closed and look up at him expectantly. He smiles down at you, his scowl gone and replaced by a lopsided, sated smile. 

Then he brings a thumb up to your bottom lip and tugs down softly and whispers “Show me.” 

You comply, opening your mouth and proudly showing him the small puddle of his cum on your tongue. 

“Now swallow, baby.” 

You do as your told, closing your mouth and swallowing, then opening again to show him. 

“Good girl” he praises gently. “So good for your daddy.” 

You beam up at him, absolutely melting under his praise. He removes his hand from your hair and reaches out to help you stand up again. He straightens out your dress, making sure to “accidentally” brush his fingers through the mess between your legs. 

“Now,” he starts, tugging the straps of your dress so that they sit evenly on your shoulders. “Go out there and talk to those boys again with the taste of my cum on your tongue.” 

Your skin heats up and you look at him with wide, silently pleading eyes. Those men were only feet away from the bathroom door. If they didn’t see you two go in together, they definitely heard you. 

And that’s exactly what Joel intended. So, he just gives you a devilish grin then pat your bum. 

“Go on, sweetheart. Be a good girl. For your daddy.”  

[chelseeebe]

on my knees (for you).

a/n: more virgin!eddie tales WOOO!! i just can’t shake this little pathetic man and i want to write him being so down bad for ever and ever. thinking of some steddiexreader that includes the little virgin boy too…

this is a continuation to seven minutes in heaven but really can be read on its own, it just mentions events that happened in the first fic.

18+. smut. mentions of weed. eddie being horrifically pathetic again. no mentions of y/n.

eddie’s sure you’ve pavlov’d him.

his cock springs into action the second you appear. and see that wouldn’t be a bad thing except for the fact that he sees you multiple times a day, in class or around campus and it makes him look like a dirty perv.

even now, he’s sat trying to kill it off as you sit next to him eating your lunch. thigh brushing against his every now and again and his mind is going wild. he’s trying to think what would happen if he just lifted you onto the table and fucked the shit out of you right here.

well, in all actuality, he’d probably last all of about ten thrusts before busting a nut and subsequently dying of embarrassment. maybe it’s not wise.

the thing is, now you had this little arrangement with each other, his erections had been ramped up to level ten. and he solely blames you for that, by the way.

he’d never known someone to be so eager all the time. you’re like a fucking rabbit. tearing at his clothes the minute you’re alone already soaking your little panties. eddie had debated swiping some last time he was over but had decided against it at the last minute which he sorely regretted the second he got home.

it had mostly just been a lot of you riding him in an attempt to get him to last longer than just a few minutes so you hadn’t really.. experimented much. he didn’t mind though, getting to stare at your tits bouncing in his face as you fucked yourself on his cock? how could he complain?

your fingers wrap around his knee, leaning in to his ear, ‘i’m free for the next two hours.. what about you?’ ever so slowly traipsing your fingers higher, his cock jumping to attention. not here. please not fucking here.

he’s got steve harrington sat opposite and really does not fancy having to explain to him as to why he’s this hard at lunch time.

it wasn’t like it was a matter of life or death but it was just easier to keep doing this without everyone knowing. because then it becomes a thing and nobody wanted that. eddie’s sure at least some people have gathered what’s happening. especially argyle who had woken up rather confused to find you spooning him on your tiny couch, but had just let out a tiny bro? and fallen right back to sleep.

‘i-i have class,’ tentatively placing his hand on yours to stop it ascending any further. eyeing the other participants at the table. oh fuck. steve definitely knew. looking over with a slight glint of humour in his eye, waiting until you re-emerged from eddie’s ear to say something.

the stupid smug prick. he probably couldn’t wait to humiliate eddie in front of all your friends. then he’d swoop in with his blonde highlights and tinted strawberry lip balm. he couldn’t stand it.

surely you weren’t interested in that? really, eddie is the complete opposite of whatever the fuck that is and there’s no way in hell you’d continue to fuck him if you weren’t a fan.

‘skip class for me?’ you whisper into his ear. for me. for me. fuck. he’d do anything for you. you could’ve told him to flip the table so you could fuck right here and he would’ve.

his breath hitches in his throat but he nods quickly, squeezing your hand and dipping his head low. the bulge in his jeans was fairly obvious at this point but maybe if he got up quick enough no one would be able to tell.

your hand vacates his leg, leaving a burning sensation in it’s wake. you’re shoving your shit into your bag, standing from the shared table. oh you meant now. while over your friends were still here. you were going to walk off together. to your room. oh god. that wasn’t obvious, was it?

‘where are you goin’?’ steve asks, watching intently when you jab at eddie’s shoulder to make him move. he does immediately, grabbing his back pack and determining just how he can slide out of here without showcasing his hard on to the world.

‘we’re going to smoke.. that alright with you?’ you remark, hands poised on your hips. eddie loved it when you were like this. his heart racing faster every time you scolded him or pouted those pretty, plump lips his way.

‘sweet, i’ll come!’ argyle sits up straight, awakened by the mention of weed. of course.

‘no,’ you bark, getting fed up of waiting for eddie to stand up and instead grabbing his collar, yanking at the denim, ‘sorry, closed invitation,’ wiggling your eyebrows at the long haired boy.

this elicits a chorus of ooohs from the table as eddie finally slides from the bench, turning immediately to follow your lead. he felt like a massive loser following you around. if you got him a leash and told him to get on all fours he would. and he likes think that that’s understandable.

‘oh my god they’re so annoying,’ you hush, his legs rushing to catch up with your irritated strides. did he look like such a lost dog to other people? not that he cared much.

‘i know.. it’s steve,’ he replies, realising that there was probably too much venom in that response to pass it off as something casual. yeah, maybe he was still a tiny smidgen jealous that you two had such natural chemistry. he is human after all. anybody would be.

‘he’s an ass but it’s all of them, so nosy,’ you chuckle, linking your arm with his now that you’re out of view of your prying friends.

he had wondered if you were ashamed of him, or to be seen with him at least. it was understandable, you were literally smoking hot and he was.. a pathetic little nerd who was completely obsessed with you. but to stand up and quiet openly lead him off to your room in front of everyone, maybe you weren’t.

‘you’re not like.. ashamed to fuck me, are you?’ regretting it the instant it came out of his mouth. he didn’t want to know the answer really. and even if you were, he wasn’t going to complain. it’s not like girls were falling at his feet, let alone girls as pretty as you.

‘no!’ you hit his arm, expelling the breath he wasn’t even aware he was holding, ‘eddie be serious, it’s not like they don’t all know anyway,’ rounding the corner to your house.

he had snuck in a multitude of times over the last few weeks, in fact it was every day at this point. running up the stairs past nancy’s room, thinking how much easier it would be if you were on the ground floor. then he might be able to shuffle through your window and back out in the early hours.

you fumble for your keys, knowing that the house would be empty at this time and quite proudly let him in the door. he doesn’t reply to your answer because he had assumed that the pair of you were successful at being incredibly sneaky.

‘do you have a problem with it being a secret?’ you ask, the door slamming shut behind you.

oh god no. even if he did, he’d never tell you in fear of ruining it all. the only thing he wanted to do was to rub it into steve’s annoying face. ha ha. this massive loser had gotten into your pants before he had. well, at least he thinks.

‘no,’ it comes out sounding more like a question than a statement, which he chastises himself for straight away. if he had half the confidence any normal person had, he would’ve stopped this conversation in its tracks. shoved you back against the wall or something and shut you up with his mouth.

‘no?’

‘yeah, no,’ he repeats, sounding much more assured in himself.

‘good,’ you mutter and he notices the glint in your eye, hints of a smirk beginning to appear. he blinks and you’re stood before him, eyeing up his lips. his jeans had just got a hell of a lot tighter.

isn’t it crazy that someone’s eyes could have that affect on someone? or actually, how just the sheer presence of them in the room could have someone stumbling over their words.

‘i.. don’t care at all,’ staggered breaths as he’s backed up against the wall, shoulder blade hitting into one of the framed pictures on the wall. he wants to yelp at the pain but instead keeps his eyes solidly on yours.

he’s been practicing you see. watching any and all videos he could find of how to be a dominant man alongside copious amounts of porn and had gathered a bunch of mens help magazines. they were supposed to teach him how to be more strong willed, to flip the upper hand over to him.

except, they’d really done nothing at all. well actually, he’d now discovered that his hand was no longer sufficient compared to the earth shattering orgasms you’d given him. if there was a way for him to bottle that feeling, he’s sure that it’d be more addicting than heroin. probably make more money, too.

‘shall we go upstairs?’ you ask, eyelashes fluttering. yes. god yes. he’s desperate to get upstairs and into your room so he can disappoint you for five whole minutes this time.

‘yes.. yes please,’ his chest rising and falling rapidly. everything he had practiced had gone to shit the second you’d touched him. brilliant. 

you simply smirk, grabbing his hand to lead him up the stairs the exact same way you had the last five nights of this week.

shoving him into your bedroom and kicking the door shut behind you. you’re ferocious with it. and he wonders if you needed him as badly as he needed you. he just longed to be inside of you or next to you or just in the same room as you. he needed that feeling pumped into him intravenously.

you’re on him the second the door’s shut, grabbing at his chest, his shirt and his pants all at once. pushing him back towards your unmade bed with such urgency that he stumbles, pulling you on top of him. your lips are everywhere, pecking at his jawline and his neck. going over the violet markings you’d left previously. he was embarrassed about them at first but had quickly learned to appreciate them and the fact that you weren’t afraid to mark him.

you’re shuffling out of your jeans already, kicking them off of your ankle as you rest your knees either side of his thighs. he only notices because the frilly lace waistband of your panties catches against the button on his jeans. are these what you wear normally or is this something you did for him?

a low moan is pulled from his throat when your skilful fingers unbutton his jeans and make their way onto his rock hard cock. did you paint your fingernails for him too? the shimmering violet looked so good wrapped around his cock. he’s sure any colour would as long as it was on your hand.

‘always so hard for me, aren’t you?’ you mutter against his neck, still fondling his sensitive balls. his toes curl in his socks, keeping both feet firmly on the floor in an effort to ground himself.

there’d been a few instances of him cumming.. prematurely. and by prematurely he means, the second you touched him. he blames those times on the weed though. it was the only reasonable explanation.

‘s-sit on my face,’ he blurts out, unaware of what dark hole that had come from.

your eyes narrow, gazing down at him with your mouth hung open. that was definitely the wrong thing to say. he’d seen it in this one video and had started salivating at the thought of your pillowy thighs wrapped around his ears.

eddie hadn’t quite been able to make you cum yet. like, he was certainly making progress and you’d gotten close a couple of times but you had ultimately had to get yourself off. which he loved to watch.. he just wanted to be involved. he lived in pure amazement at how you just seemed to get there so quickly. sometimes it wasn’t even a minute with your hand between your thighs and you were whining and writhing around. how?

‘eds.. that’s- are you sure?’ eyeing him cautiously. why didn’t you just trust him? he’s pretty confident he had the technique down, ashamedly having practiced on his hand one night. yeah, that was awkward.

and the erection it had given him was too.

‘i’m sure.. please,’ he had figured out that as soon as he begged for something, he pretty much got it. maybe you had a fetish for pathetic men or something but all he had to do was plead a little and you were pouncing on him.

‘do you even know-,’

‘-yes i know what to do,’ he barks a little hastily. at least now you’d either punish him or would listen to him. either was fine.

you eyebrows fly up your forehead and he thinks for a second that he’s really in the shit. his cock jumps at the thought of you slapping him again or even better, wrapping your hand around his neck like you’d done the other day. now that really got him going.

‘okay.. but if it’s too much let me know,’ lifting yourself from his waist and shuffling upward towards his head. he’s drooling just thinking about it. wrapping his arms around the backs of your thighs just as the man in the video had. he could keep you in place perfectly like this.

‘come on,’ he sighs, watching as you slide your underwear down and off to the side, stopped just before his eager, salivating mouth. everything he had practiced came down to this very moment and he was more than ready to show you what he’d learned.

‘you’re so bossy now.. i don’t like it,’ frowning down to him, hand coming to hold onto your headboard. he had hoped that you’d pull on his hair again but was for sure not going to ask. ‘remember to tell me if it’s too much.. slap me or something, i’ll know,’ biting down onto your bottom lip.

he nods quickly, eyes sliding away from yours to your pussy poised above him. now, he didn’t have any much experience with pussy but he’d say that yours was perfect.

without wanting to waste anymore time, he pulls you down onto his mouth, tongue immediately lapping at your folds. just the way he’d practiced. he didn’t really have any preconceptions of what pussy would taste like but he’s pleasantly surprised. he’d keep you here all day if he could, who needed to breathe anyway?

‘ho-holy shit,’ you remark, clawing at your bed frame for a little balance. he thinks that’s a good thing, eyes trained on your face to determine whether he was doing this right or not.

his tongue slides up, circling around your sensitive clit. yeah, that’s it. he can tell when your eyes roll into the back of your head, hips stuttering on his face.

‘jesus eddie,’ you breathe, just hearing his name tumble from your lips does fucking wonders for him. it’s all the encouragement he needs to continue his assault on your cunt.

he murmurs something in utter gratitude when your hand leaves the headboard to instead tangle into his hair. mouth vibrating against your pussy which is another hit. the gorgeous sounds of your moans fill the room, only slightly muffled by your legs over his ears.

it’s now or never. he has to pull out the big guns.

tongue leaving your clit to slide into your dripping hole. soaking his chin, his lips and probably his shirt in your arousal. he didn’t mind one bit. it’s like a badge of honour to know that he was responsible for the mess.

‘fuck,’ you hiss, fisting his curls as your eyes squeeze shut. eddie wants to scream when your eyes roll back, his fingers digging into your fleshy thighs.

oh my god. this was paradise. utter heaven. his heart swelling a little knowing that you were cussing fretting because of his mouth. you were so gorgeous from this angle. well, from all angles but particularly this one. looking totally blissed out on top of him, your lips opening to let out the most insatiable noises he’d ever heard.

your fingers yank at his curls, legs trembling around his flushed face, ‘i’m gonna- eds, i’m cumming,’ thighs clamping around his head as your hips roll forward on their own, trying to escape the overstimulation.

eddie’s desperate to keep you there, using his palms to hold you steady while he’s literally making out with your pussy. lapping at your clit, at the juices that now covered his face. except his stomach tightens, slowing his pace until he realises what’s happening.

oh shit.

his hips buck up into the air on their own and his boxers feel incredibly wet and sticky. he’s just came in his pants by eating you out. that’s ridiculous. utterly unbelievable that someone could be that tragic.

you were definitely going to laugh at him when you realised but there’s literally not a chance that he could hide that. he lets go of his grip on your thighs, moving one hand over his crotch as you shuffle off of him.

bastard. pathetic fucking bastard.

you hadn’t even touched him yet. how was he going to explain that? i’m just so sickly obsessed with you that i came in my pants. that didn’t sound like anything a normal person would say.

his eyes remain shut, laboured breathing as his mind attempts to take him out of this room and far, far away. it’s not fucking working. especially not when he can hear your panting next to him, the rustling of the sheets as you sort them out.

your eyes travel to his covered crotch with a confused expression until you notice the dark latch and it finally clicks. ‘did you cum in your pants?’ you exclaim and he thinks that this right here might just kill him off.

he nods quickly, point blank refusing to open his eyes. it was easier this way, at least his tears of embarrassment would be somewhat hidden. you could’ve just done the polite thing and ignored it. made up some excuse about going to class and then you could disappear from his life. god, why did you have to be such a-

‘that’s so hot,’ you continue, cutting his thoughts short at just the right spot. pressing your warm body into his side as you settle into bed.

‘what? no it’s not..’ brave enough to open his eyes to look at you, confusion plastered over his face. surely you were just joking. no woman in the history of the world would find his inadequacy hot.

‘who are you to tell me what i can or can’t find hot?’ prodding at his cheek, offence ribbed throughout your response.

this surely requires a marriage proposal or something of that nature, right? like, there’s not a possibility that he could ever let you get away now.

his lips twitch into a smile, taking his hand from his crotch to wrap his arm around your shoulder. the confidence was next level and almost unheard of but he had to show you a little appreciation after you’d just told him his premature orgasm was attractive.

‘don’t ever tell me what i can and can’t like again,’ you jokingly warn, resting your head on his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut.

he speaks up after a few moments of silence, unsure of if you’re even still awake, ‘thank you.. for letting me do that,’ staring up at the ceiling. eddie thinks that he likes eating pussy. really likes it. especially yours.

you laugh sleepily, throwing an arm over his torso. it’s music to his ears. if making you cum was top priority, then making you laugh was a solid number two.

‘you don’t have to thank me every time,’ yawning into his chest. it’s technically still the middle of the day but if you were going to sleep, he sure as hell wouldn’t complain.

instead he’d lie there as still as he possibly could. kinda like when a cat falls asleep on your lap and you just can’t move for the rest of the day. he’s prepared to take that sacrifice.

-

he must’ve dozed off at some point too because he wakes up to a short knock on your bedroom door.

you’re dead to the world. completely unaffected by the sound, curled into the blanket. super adorable with your cheeks squished togeth-

the door knocks again and he jumps up, not wanting whoever it is to wake you. he hadn’t exactly thought of the consequences of answering your door. half naked at that.

‘oh! eddie.. wasn’t expecting you,’ nancy responds, eyebrows flying up her forehead. he’s such a moron. it would’ve been ten times easier to just ignore the door because now he had to explain why he was stood in his underwear in your room.

perfect.

‘oh yeah.. got too high.. had to sleep it off, yanno?’ chuckling awkwardly, desperately trying to hide behind the door. he hopes to the high heavens that his boxers aren’t stained. he’d either look like the worlds biggest creep or like the completely pathetic freak that he was. he wasn’t keen on either option.

only you could know just how pitiful he truly was.

her eyes travel to his bare legs and back up again, ‘uh huh.. well, we’re ordering pizza if you two want in..?’ giving him a tiny smile. she’s so polite that now he just feels weird. god dammit, they’re friends, his pasty little legs being out should not make him feel so exposed.

‘oh yeah uh.. i’ll ask her,’ glancing over to your very unconscious state on the bed. he wasn’t keen on the idea of waking you but did think that it’d be rather unforgivable if he didn’t. plus he was hungry.

‘okay.. don’t take too long,’ wiggling her eyebrows at him and disappearing off back downstairs. shutting your door with a quiet click.

fucking nancy wheeler and her politeness.

he slinks back over to the bed, shaking your shoulder ever so gently, ‘hey.. wake up,’ trying his hardest not to alarm you.

it works somewhat, your eyes springing open as you wake. blinking up at him from your blanket cocoon. he feels terrible but man’s gotta eat. it does occur to him now that it would’ve been a pleasant surprise to wake you with a pizza rather than just so abruptly.

‘wha- what?’ rubbing your tired eyes as you come to. you’re so cute like this, he wouldn’t mind waking up to this sight every morning. okay, maybe he’s getting ahead of himself here.

‘er.. they’re ordering pizza.. nancy asked me if you wanted anything?’ still standing sheepishly over your bed. his eyes trail down to where your thigh had poked out of the duvet, how they were keeping his face warm barely a few hours ago..

‘oh,’ you sigh, ‘yeah.. just cheese please,’ snuggling back up into the bed, ‘there’s a twenty on my desk, get whatever you want,’ closing your eyes again.

‘oh.. okay,’ he nods, even though you obviously can’t see him. deciding that this time, he’ll be more appropriately dressed to converse with your roommates. seemed like the right thing to do. plus he’s sure robin would definitely have plenty to say if he came downstairs half-dressed. and none of it good.

he ignores the money on your desk. as fucking if he’d let you pay for your own food after you had so graciously fed him earlier. not happening. like, ever again.

following the voices into your kitchen to find nancy and robin sat around the kitchen island, phone poised in her hand ready to go.

‘you’re in luck, i was just about to call.. what d’you want?’ robin asks, raising a singular brow. nancy had obviously filled her in on what had been behind your bedroom door.

‘just cheese.. please,’ ignoring how ridiculous the unintended rhyme made him sound.

‘is that for both of you?’ she looks on, a glint of something indescribable in her eye. he wishes he knew how to decipher women. you’re all so fucking complicated and weird. in the best way, of course.

‘uh.. yeah?’ looking on tentatively, unsure of what she could possible be implying.

‘she won’t share, better to get your own,’ she nods. oh. she was being nice. he’s sure there’ll be a catch somewhere.

‘oh right.. okay,’ he fumbles around in his pocket for his wallet, tossing a couple twenties onto the marble. maybe if he covered their food too, he’d get in their good books and would be welcomed back with open arms. he’s sure he could endure that.

pay for food and get magnificent pussy in return. seemed fair.

the two girls sit in silence until he gets to the bottom of the stairs and then robin pipes up once again, ‘will we be seeing you around here regularly, mr. munson?’

he pauses, staring back into the kitchen at the two girls. he’s not sure how to even respond. because actually, he’d been at your house every night this week, right under their noses. and if he were to hazard a guess, he’d be here most of next week too. and the next.

okay, maybe he was getting ahead of himself.

‘uh.. maybe?’ he shrugs, chuckling nervously. robin’s eyes are like slits, staring him down. she’d always been rather intimidating and now was no exception.

‘hm,’ she nods, shooing him off back up the stairs, ‘you’re dismissed,’ still clutching onto the clunky plastic phone.

he disappears rapidly, not wanting to hang around to find out what else she was going to pry about it. eddie reckons that he’s good at secrets, but if he was truly pressed, he’s not so confident in his ability to keep quiet.

you’re awake when he returns to your room, still dozing in bed but awake. he slinks back in, grateful to be away from their prying questions. you’re so sweet like this. not that he didn’t also adore the bossy, demanding side of you but he appreciated the docile part too.

‘you didn’t take my money,’ you point out, frowning at him from the pillow. he shuffles over to your side of the bed, smiling sheepishly.

‘i wanted to pay.. to say thank you,’ he nods, fiddling with his belt loop. he’s aware that you had already told him to stop saying thank you but he truly had to express his gratitude somehow.

‘stop doing that,’ you frown, glaring up at him, hand appearing from the blanket to grab onto his shirt. ‘if i didn’t want to have sex with you, i wouldn’t,’ fisting the material to pull him closer to the bed.

eddie’s not the most sturdy, stumbling and ultimately falling on top of you, just about catching himself before his head smashes into yours. that’d look really good to the girls he was trying to impress if he gave you a black eye, robin would probably get the pitchfork ready to murder him.

you squirm beneath him but your smile says it all, still clasped onto his tee. you’re slightly intimidating like this, well, you were all the time. but especially like this. just mere millimetres away from his face, gazing up at him with those bright eyes. he’s sure they held the glow of a thousand suns in them.

he breathes out shakily, fully aware that his entire body weight was on top of yours, ‘yeah.. shit, sorry,’ far too mesmerised by your eyes to want to move just yet.

‘apology accepted,’ you grin, smashing your lips to his, hand still fisted into his shirt. it’s lazy and messy, tongue creeping into his mouth the second you get the chance.

eddie can feel your thighs move, spreading apart to pull him in closer despite the barrier between you. holy shit. he didn’t think he’d find this so incredibly hot. grinding against you between the blanket.

downstairs, robin and nancy share a certain look when they notice the faint knocking of your headboard against the wall. robin’s nose curling the second she realises just what was happening. feeling the instant regret of ever asking him if he was to be around more often.

[f1byjessie]

HE LIKES MY AMERICAN SMILE ━━ OP81.

love is a wild ride, and logan sargeant's sister is about to find this out the hard way.

( oscar piastri x sargeant!reader )

━━ part three.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” You look down at the post. The photos, carefully taken a few nights ago while getting ready for a dinner gala you’d been brought along to as Sophia’s plus one, are pretty. She and you had scrolled and sorted and scrolled and sorted some more trying to pick the perfect ones, and then you’d written and rewritten the caption more times than you could count before finally settling on something vague but faintly implicit.

You study it for a moment longer, then look back up to your friend.

She smirks. “Trust me. It'll work. I got an ex-boyfriend to come crawling back begging for another chance by making him think I was already moving on.”

“It just seems… mean,” you murmur, frowning. You want Oscar to like you— you want it a lot— but you're not sure if this is the way you want to go about it. “Isn’t this just manipulating him?”

Sophia sighs and falls back onto the bed beside you. She gives you a look, gestures down to your phone, and then curls around your shoulder so she can peer down at the screen. “It’s not a soft launch. There’s no guy. The caption doesn’t mention anyone. If he gets the impression that you’re with someone else, then that’s on him.”

You trust her, of course, but this is Oscar. You’ve known him for years. He’s your brother’s best friend, and for the longest time, he was the closest thing you had to a best friend too. As twins, anything Logan did you tended to do with him— soccer, swimming, biking. You even had shared birthday parties growing up. Karting was the first real thing he’d done on his own, but even then you’d always been close by, and that meant you’d always been close by to Oscar too.

Like she can sense your continued hesitation, Sophia speaks up again. “If you post that, and he doesn’t react, then that’s that. You don’t have to do it again.”

“I just— I don’t know.” You worry your lip between your teeth. “I just don’t think it’s the type of thing that he’d go for. He’s, you know, polite like that, I guess? If he thought I was taken, or moving on, or something, then he’d respect that and wouldn’t bother me.”

The silence hangs in the room. She’s still leaning against you, one hand rubbing your shoulder comfortingly and the other hugging you into her. When you stand, she lets you go easily, watching as you begin to pace the length of your bedroom, phone clenched tightly in your hands.

When you finally come to a halt in the corner farthest from the bed, you turn and meet her gaze shyly, “What if he stops ‘maybe’ having feelings for me because he thinks I'm taken? Or, what if he thinks I’m not interested and so he doesn’t ever bring it up?”

“Then you take one for the team and you tell him,” she shrugs. “Woman up and admit that the entire time you were out in that fancy dress of yours with those roses, you’d wished it was him who had gotten them for you and you’d wanted it to be him you were getting dressed up for.”

You look back down to your phone.

You’ve never done this before— boys, at least. The chase. Europe hadn’t been a very easy place to live— not with a schedule that made keeping friends virtually impossible, let alone a boyfriend. When you moved back to the United States, you were focused more on your career, prioritizing yourself over anything else.

You’d been single for so long that you hadn’t been in any hurry to change things, but now the lack of experience is making you nervous. Apart from movies and books and the borderline horror stories Sophia has told you about her own disastrous love life, you don’t know the first thing about dating.

“Y/N, is this about Oscar or something else?”

You look up, still biting at your lip. “What if we break up and I’ve ruined a friendship?”

Sophia raises an eyebrow, “Is he the kind of guy that would throw away a friendship because things didn’t work out?”

“I don’t know! That’s the problem! I wanna say no, that he’d be totally fine and we would be able to pretend like nothing happened and go back to how we were before it all, but I can’t,” you cross the room and lower yourself onto the bed again. “Context matters too. What if it’s a really messy breakup and we can never look at each other the same? What if he does something so unforgivable that it ruins his friendship with my brother? Logan worked hard to make friends and this first season was rough for him. He’s the only American driver on the grid, and they weren’t exactly welcoming. But Oscar was there for him and I would never forgive myself if I did something to ruin that.”

“What could Oscar do that would be so unforgivable it would ruin a friendship?”

You fall back onto the mattress. “I don’t know that either! Realistically he wouldn’t do anything because that’s just who he is— he’s like the nicest most genuinely sweet guy I’ve ever met. But I’m not a fortune teller! I can’t look into the future and know that he won’t get tired of me and go find some other girl, or, I don’t know.”

You can feel tears burning at the back of your eyes and wipe at them harshly.

Sophia notices and lays down beside you, pulling you into her side again. She runs her fingers through your hair and lets you compose yourself a bit more before she speaks up again. When she does, it’s— “You’re so afraid of the worst-case scenario that you aren’t even letting yourself take the chance. Sometimes you just gotta leap before you look and believe that you’ll land on solid ground.”

“I hate when you get philosophical on me,” you murmur, a soft laugh slipping past your lips.

She sits back up and rolls her eyes, but there’s a gentle smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Puh-lease. As if you’d ever get anything done without my wizened words of advice.”

You sniffle and wipe the last remnants of tears from your eyes, then sit up with her and look back down at your phone. The unfinished post still stares back up at you.

“What if I just—” you delete the caption for the umpteenth time and let your fingers dance across the screen, “—say this instead?”

Sophia leans over your shoulder, reads the new caption, pauses, and purses her lips. She reads it again, hums, and then breaks out into a grin. An incredulous laugh slips out and she turns to you with shining eyes. “You’re a damn genius! I knew you were worried over nothing. You just gotta stop getting into your head so much.”

INSTAGRAM.

liked by logansargeant, landonorris, and 12,827 others

yourusername honey, i’m still free. take a chance on me.

view all 7,631 comments

user WHAT???

user IS THIS A SOFT LAUNCH???

↳ user she’s literally saying she’s still free?? why would she say that if this is a soft launch?? 😭😭

logansargeant should’ve taken me with you 😒

↳ yourusername logie we both know you hate black tie events

user girl idk how you can do it i’d be spilling out of that dress with one wrong turn

user THE ROSES?? THE BABY’S BREATH?? I’M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS

landonorris slay girl queen boss

↳ yourusername lando… what…

↳ landonorris i’m in my supportive era 😌💅 you should try it sometime

user i NEED to know where that dress is from omg

user oh to be a young rich and beautiful socialite

user not to be delulu but there’s a surprising lack of op81 in these comments 👀

INSTAGRAM.

liked by landonorris, mclaren, and 429,868 others

oscarpiastri it’s summer somewhere right?

view all 1,021 comments

landonorris hm this caption seems familiar 🤨 i wonder what it could be referencing 🤔

user GOOD LUCK IN 2024 OSCAR 🧡🧡🧡

user wishing this were me rn

user i’m too delulu for this rn 😭

↳ user i’m waiting for y/n to show up in these comments

↳ user did they have a fight or smth??? they haven’t commented on each other’s last few posts

user gosh that’s the dream rn

When you answer the unknown number, on your way back to your room with a tub of ice cream and a plan to eat away your disappointment at the failure of Sophia’s plan, the last thing you expect is to hear Lando Norris of all people on the other end. There’s no greeting, no introduction, just an immediate— “Yeah, so, I’m gonna need you to fill me in on the sitch.”

For a brief moment, all you can do is stand there in the hallway with your phone pressed to your ear, wondering if this is real. You’ve had maybe a few brief conversations with Lando throughout your various visits to the paddock across the season, and though he was very nice and polite, and all of your interactions were friendly, you wouldn’t exactly call yourself friends. Certainly not “swap numbers and call one another” type of friends, either. Your most recent socializing has been strictly confined to the comment sections of Instagram posts.

“Hello? Y/N?”

You clear your throat, “Sorry. What?”

“The sitch? Situation? That’s an American slang word, I thought you knew that.” He says it so matter-of-factly. As if that’s the only thing you could be even remotely confused about in this whole interaction.

“No,” you answer, shaking your head as if it’ll somehow straighten out the spinning of your mind. “I know what the word means, Lando. I’m just wondering why you of all people are calling me right now? How’d you even get my number?”

You can hear music and voices on the other end of the line, muffled and distant, and then a door opens and closes and the extra noise is gone. Lando takes a deep breath and sighs, “If you must know, I got it from Alex, who got it from Lily, who got it from you. So, you know, transitive property means technically I got it from you, too.”

“I’m gonna choose to ignore how wrong all of that is,” you mutter, pinching the bridge of your nose as you continue down the hall and eventually slip into your room, shutting the door quietly behind you.

You do recall giving your number to Lily, and the two of you have shared a few messages since the end of the season— mostly typical check-ins and catching up with the happenings of your individual lives. Occasionally she sends you recipes she thinks you’d like, and you do the same. You knew she’d given it to Alex because she’d asked you first if that was okay, and all Alex had sent was a brief well-wishes when Williams had confirmed Logan’s re-signing, accompanied by a short message that Lily was looking forward to seeing you in the paddock again.

Ignoring all of that, however, you focus on the matter at hand. “Why are you calling? Isn’t it crazy late in Monaco right now?”

He hums. “I’m the slightest bit tipsy, but I cannot take it anymore. If I see one more caption with underlying subtext like this is a forbidden romance in a period drama I am going to, quite frankly, lose my mind. I need you to explain to me what in the fuck is going on between you and Oscar.”

You pause, and then you groan. “Oh my God.”

“Yes, ‘oh my God’ indeed. Now please explain.”

You heave a sigh, because you know he isn’t going to drop this, but you also know that if anyone could help you more than Sophia, it’s probably Lando. He’s Oscar’s teammate, and at the very least, if you can’t talk to Logan, you can talk to the only other person who probably knows him just as well.

“It’s a long story,” you mumble, curling up in your bed.

He makes a sound, like a scoff. “Okay? I have plenty of time.”

So you start from the beginning. Between spoonfuls of chocolate ice cream, you detail how it all started because of a message of condolence, how that had led to a rendezvous for drinks, and how that had led even further to him kissing you in the car as he’d dropped you off at your hotel.

He’s silent up until you mention that Oscar hadn’t acknowledged the kiss at all afterward, and then he makes an affronted noise and mutters something under his breath about stupid guys and heads in asses.

You admit that part of it was your own fault, that you hadn’t attempted to communicate either because you’d been afraid of the reaction and potentially the rejection, but that you’d been kicking yourself ever since for missing out on being able to talk face to face about things when you’d had the chance.

It all culminates in you explaining your current situation, and you tell him about your talk with Sophia and then your friend’s self-proclaimed mastermind plan, which had failed spectacularly when Oscar hadn’t even seen the post.

When you’re finished, there’s a moment of silence before he bursts into laughter.

You flush red in embarrassment and hug the tub of ice cream closer to your chest, feeling miserable and ashamed, but also like you deserve it all anyway. The tub isn’t freezing cold anymore, but the chill still seeps in through your shirt faintly, and it’s comforting against the heated blush.

“Sorry,” he says when his cackling has died down to chuckles. “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you. I actually do want to help. I genuinely can’t take one more post with a caption that’s all thinly veiled pining.”

You pause, fiddle with your spoon for a moment, and then hesitantly ask— “Do you know if he likes me?”

Lando goes quiet, and then he hums and admits that he doesn’t. “But,” he adds quickly, “just because I don’t have total confirmation doesn’t mean it isn’t basically obvious. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I know Oscar.”

You sigh, “But how are you going to help? You can’t just ask.”

“I don’t need to,” he answers, like you’re crazy for thinking he’d do something like that. “I’ve got a plan.”

Great. You run a hand down your face and try to stay optimistic. Another plan.

━━ tags: @f1-is-lovely-33 @chasing-liberosis @405rry

━━ a/n: a bit more writing heavy this part, and a bit longer because of it, but i'm proud of how it turned out! we're finally getting somewhere, and now we've got lando joining the team. genuinely had so much fun writing him, so i'm excited to feature him in future parts!

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Being courted by Colin Bridgerton would include...

From the moment Colin laid his eyes on you, he just knew.

At a young age, Colin was so obsessed with the fantasy his mother had fed him about finding a love marriage though he would never tell his brothers how he so desperately wanted what his father and mother had.

He's a hopeless romantic.

He had been trying to blend in with the rest of the rakes, with his brothers, but that façade fell when he met you.

Stolen glances from across a busy ballroom, small smiles when you'd catch each other's eyes.

You never thought a Bridgerton would ever want to dance with you never mind court you but you were most pleasantly surprised when Colin approached you and asked you to dance with him.

"Will you do me the honour of a dance?"

Of course, you said yes.

As you danced you found out that he was kind and caring and he genuinely wanted to hear all about your experiences and all about you. He was genuinely interested.

"Tell me everything. I must know all about you."

You knew he was handsome but up close, you really got to appreciate him especially his eyes.

The dance ended all too soon and Colin couldn't help himself. "Join me tomorrow for a promenade."

Of course, you said yes.

The rest of the night you're on a high, whole body warm and tingly. You could hardly wait until the morning.

He barely sleeps. He cannot stop replaying your dance over and over in his mind. His brothers noticed and they teased him but he didn't seem to mind any longer about what they thought. All he could think about was that he wanted to get to know you more, maybe this was his chance.

On the Promenade, he is courteous and respectful, complimenting every detail about you.

"Forgive me but I must say, you look radiant in the sunlight."

"I... I lost my thought, I was too caught up in your eyes."

"The more I learn about you, the more I like."

He tells you stories from his travels, his favourite places he has visited and why. You hang onto his every word. He dramatises some of his experiences for your enjoyment, he likes your animated reactions to his stories; the gasps, the giggles, the full belly laughter that erupts at one point. He soaks it all in.

"Your laughter is such a pretty sound."

Violet Bridgerton smiles knowingly from afar.

He wants to know about you, what you like and asks you such interesting questions. He asks you things that interest both of you; questions to get to know the real you.

"If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?"

All too soon, you must bid farewell for the day but he asks you to join him for another promenade in the morning.

Of course, you said yes.

This continues every day. You meet for a promenade and he calls by your home every other day that he doesn't see you. He brings flowers and a warm smile each time.

At Lady Danbury's ball, you get a lot of interest from other suitors. Apparently when the young Lord Bridgerton is courting you, there will be a line of suitors out the door for you.

You are the only one he dances with.

His dance is the only one that matters.

"Oh, I must say," Lady Danbury smiles as she and Lady Bridgerton are watching, "I do think your boy has found a love match."

It was true. The way Colin looked at you, the way he smiled when you spoke... There was no denying it.

A few weeks after your initial meeting, Colin goes to Violet for advice. "I think I have found what you and father had... She completes me." So, with warm words from Violet, Colin decides he's going to ask for your hand in marriage.

He invites you and your family for dinner at the Bridgerton home. You're nervous. You want to make a good impression. You don't want to mess this up. Colin's sitting across from you and his foot nudges yours. You meet his eyes and he smiles and everything's okay.

His family are lovely. You especially like Benedict - he's funny - and Daphne - kindness radiates from her - and of course Violet.

You and Colin are the only things the Ton are speaking about. There's a lot of buzz around the two of you, a lot of whispering about proposals and weddings. It makes you feel overwhelmed and a little dizzy but after expressing this to Colin, he tells you to ignore it. Just focus on him.

He doesn't have to invite you on promenades any longer, instead, the two of you have a meeting time and place and that's where you go each morning. You follow the same route each time, he picks you a flower and you sit by the water.

This time was a little different.

He has prepared a picnic breakfast by the water with all of your favourite things; pastries, fresh fruit, cake!

You spend the morning laughing side by side.

And as you finish, he asks you a very important question.

"Would you do me the honour and pleasure of marrying me?"

And, of course, you said yes.

[gurugirl]

Just For Tonight | Ch. 3

This is the last part of this mini series! We might have some more coming for you - stay tuned!

Series Summary: Harry spots an angel in the crowd and he can't keep his eyes off of her. And, as if by some cosmic pull, he can't help but ask her backstage. But it's only going to be just for tonight. Or is it?

Chapter Summary: Is it true what they say? Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Y/n isn't so sure so she tries to move on. But Harry has other plans.

A/N: In this chapter I mention a particular ex (without naming her) as part of the plot. This does not mean I feel one way or another about her, nor do I think this is an accurate representation of how she's acted after their split. This was requested for the story. This is a work of fiction.

Warning: 18+ only, smut, mentions of an ex, angst

Word Count: 11.8k

Commissioned by anon (thank you!! xoxo)

Just For Tonight Masterlist

It had been difficult for Y/n to stop thinking about Harry. They connected so well and she loved the way he was with her and how he carried himself. Loved the way they could talk about nothing and have it feel like the most interesting thing.

They had a few calls after he left LA for his tour. But that quickly became hard to navigate with the different time zones. He said he liked her and wanted to see her again. And she was sure that when he said that he meant it. The distance won, however.

But with his absence, with him being in another country on tour, and hundreds of people begging for a chance of what she got lucky enough to experience, she figured that what she’d gotten was probably all she’d ever get.

And that was okay. It wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted more of him. Would have loved to have seen him but she knew he was too famous and too amazing to settle for someone like her. She knew better than to ever get her hopes up. He’d done nothing wrong.

Instagram showed pictures of him with his friends and a mystery woman. A woman who was with him at one of his concerts. And then another one. Photos of them walking along the streets together. A fuzzy snap of them at a small café huddled closely. That was also okay. There had been no promises or commitments made.

Y/n hated to do it, hated to open up Instagram but her curiosity about Harry and if he’d been spotted by fans was eating at her. A DuexMoi post with a screenshot from his recent long-term ex’s Instagram account had her feeling nauseated. It was a subtle thing. Nothing specific but everyone picked up on the meaning. The text was a quote from a book she’d been reading over a picture of a close-up of her wearing a cross necklace.

The comments on what it meant were all over the place. And Y/n knew better than to read into anything too deeply or to fixate on something like this. Harry had brought up his ex once when their conversation was relevant to it. Said that she continued reaching out to him and that even when it was clear they were over the woman still called him and sent him messages on the regular.

And as much as she knew that it was probably nothing she couldn’t shake the way it felt to think of Harry and his ex getting back together somehow. She didn’t know anything about what he was doing at that moment because their calls had all but stopped by then. But the post from his ex was a signal. Did it mean anything? Maybe. But maybe it only meant something to his ex. Perhaps Harry hadn’t even seen it.

However, the comments on the post suggested they were talking again and reports of them trying to “work it out” were numerous.

And with that idea, she decided to log back into her stupid dating app. Try and get over the pop star once and for all. Move on if she could.

She’d had one good date from the app ages ago. The rest of the men who contacted her were absolute wastes but perhaps she’d find someone once again who she could tolerate for longer than a chat session. She’d give it a shot.

.           .           .

“But you did take her call?” Jeff spoke over the phone as Harry walked back to the hotel after a training session with Brad.

“Well, yeah. We have history. I didn’t want to be rude. Haven’t talked to her in a while. Thought maybe it could be important.”

“And was it?” Jeff sounded exasperated.

“No. She just said she missed me. Wants to see me when I get back to the States.”

Harry knew when he saw the incoming call from his ex that he probably shouldn’t pick up. But that was the thing about him. He was a people pleaser. He didn’t like when anyone was upset with him and he liked being on everyone’s good side. Even if it meant answering a call he didn’t want to take.

And part of him missed her. Missed what they had at the very beginning but he’d truly moved on. Especially with the idea that he’d be getting back to LA soon and seeing Y/n again. He hoped he hadn’t ruined it with her. It was hard to keep in contact with her. Too many missed calls and back-and-forth voicemails. Even the texts with Y/n had dwindled slowly. He understood that the distance was hard to overcome but that didn’t mean he wasn’t looking forward to hopefully seeing her again.

He knew if he had the chance to see her again and she still wanted to give it a shot with him he wouldn’t be letting go next time. He’d make it official. He’d want to really do it right with her. And he’d have a little time off from the tour to dote on her and give her lots of attention. Maybe even convince her that she should just travel with him wherever he went off to. Convince her that she should be his and that he would do everything he could to make her happy like she deserved.

He hoped it wasn’t too late.

And now with the new Instagram post from his ex the gossip had begun. Full articles written about how he and his ex were getting back together again, how it was true love, and a bunch of other nonsense that her story caused. And Jeff was pissed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t have taken her call. That’s sending her mixed signals and now with that godforsaken post she put up you’re already getting hate messages about taking her back. Calling you complicit. It’s a nightmare.”

Sometimes Harry really hated being famous. He didn’t even have to do much to get scrutiny. Sometimes one small little blunder, like answering a call could set off a chain of events that led him to where he was now, getting his ear chewed off by Jeff and having his fans upset with him.

But his main concern was if Y/n had seen it or not. He wondered what she thought about it. If she cared. He wondered how she was. If she’d seen anyone while he was gone. He missed her.

.           .           .

The job at The Dulcería had turned out to be one of the best things ever, income-wise anyway. She was exhausted and had little free time but she was pulling in pretty healthy tips and when it came time to pay her rent she had plenty left over to pay on time and stick the rest in savings.

Vyra steered clear for the most part but she did hover a bit any time Y/n had a table with a high roller or celebrity. Which, Y/n came to learn that not all celebrities tipped like Harry Styles. In fact, some tipped worse than normies to her shock.

One particularly demanding uber-famous model with her model friends was nice at first. Needed things brought out in a certain order, the wine had to be perfectly chilled or she wouldn’t drink from her glass, and then there was the lighting issue. She and her friends were snapping photos of themselves “eating” and the lights weren’t right.

Their table was full of The Dulcería’s most exclusive and expensive desserts (which the restaurant was famous for) and yet only a few bites were taken after uploading all their photos to Instagram. It was a shame that all of it had to be tossed when their table was cleared. It felt like it should be illegal. Belgian fine chocolate ganache, freshly made lemon curd, berries from the local market selected that very morning, handpicked herbs, candied pistachios, and fresh lavender cream. All that waste for nothing.

The tip that was left after that three-hour debacle was less than 5% of the bill. She assumed the woman who supposedly had many millions of dollars to her name would have given a better tip on a nearly $3,000 tab. Just imagine watching a rich woman clad in designer carrying a purse most people had to get on a waitlist for leaving a $145 tip on a $3,000 tab.

Still, even then, she was bringing in good tips and couldn’t complain often.

Her feet hurt and she smelled like the restaurant through and through at the end of her shifts. If she could have just collapsed into her bed and gone to sleep she would have. But the thought of not showering off first made her skin crawl. She needed the scent of food and spilled wine scrubbed from her pores.

And like she did nearly every night before falling asleep, she checked social media and then checked her dating app to see if there were any hits. Any worthy of a response from her.

One evening she did hear from a man who seemed intriguing. He appeared to be normal and handsome. So she sent him a response and opened up the chat option if he wanted to pursue something.

And the following day at the office she and Jimmy had chatted intermittently. She felt that sweet little familiar bubble of excitement in her tummy when her phone gave her a notification that he’d messaged her.

They made plans to meet up in person on a Wednesday after work at a bar near to her house.

It had been almost two months since she’d seen Harry. He did message her a few weeks prior but there was no call and when she responded he didn’t respond back. She figured it was time to look for something a little more serious. She knew better than to assume she and Harry were endgame. No matter how good the sex and connection were.

She stopped stalking Instagram and googling to find out where he was in the world. It was better for her own mental health to try and move on from him. He had been a fun fling. A great guy. Maybe one of the best “hookups” she’d ever had. Not maybe. He definitely was. He had been kind and thoughtful and fun. And he was great in bed.

But it was time to put that behind her now. A date with a nice, normal guy was in order. She just hoped she could erase the way Harry made her feel and that she wouldn’t compare every guy she tried dating to the pop star.

Jimmy was attractive in person to her delight. He worked downtown not far from where she did and they talked about mundane things like their commute (anyone living in or around LA will understand this is a hot topic), the buildings they worked in, and their jobs. When Y/n revealed she worked as a waitress on the side Jimmy seemed impressed by her even more.

After a few glasses of wine and for Jimmy, beer, they decided to part ways. It had been a good first meetup. Y/n was feeling buzzy and excited. Hopeful.

The chats with Jimmy continued but moved from the app to texts. They had plans to meet up again Monday evening.

Her weekend shift at The Dulcería was like any other. Tips were good. Some of the patrons were just so-so. Vyra was annoying but gave her space. But she was exhausted. She only worked an extra 18 hours a week as a waitress but after a few months, it began to wear on her.

So when Monday came around and she walked to the same bar to meet up with Jimmy she didn’t expect that the text she’d be getting wouldn’t be from her date.

Just as she was pushing through the doors to the bar she looked at her notification screen and nearly dropped her phone.

It was Harry.

She paused by the door for a moment, contemplating whether or not to read the text to see what he wanted or to wait until after her date. She decided on the latter out of respect for Jimmy.

The problem was, though, that Y/n couldn’t get it out of her mind what it was that Harry had texted her. It had been long enough that she figured he’d completely moved on. And was it fair of him to reach out again after all that time?

So, instead of feeling flattered, she started to feel the tiny crawling of annoyance and frustration dragging up her spine.

“I’d like to see you again soon. Maybe we can get dinner next time. Take a walk afterward along the boardwalk or something?” Jimmy said as he hugged Y/n goodbye before they went their separate ways.

“That sounds great. I’m free Sunday night if you want to do it then. Kind of hard most Fridays and Saturdays,” she shrugged as she felt Jimmy squeeze her hand.

“Sunday night sounds perfect. Can I pick you up?”

.           .           .

Hey, how are you? Miss you.

She read the text over and over again. That was all it said but why? Why send it? It wasn’t as if he couldn’t be allowed to text her. He had her number. They’d slept together a couple of times and had gotten to know one another beyond just surfacey stuff. But still.

Instead of texting him back, she decided to leave him on read. She needed time to figure out how to respond. What to say, or if she should say anything. Maybe she should just leave it so he got the hint about what was going on. That she didn’t want to open up that chapter again and get herself hurt. Because she would get her heart broken by Harry if she let herself get lost in it.

And it wasn’t like he’d done anything wrong at all. It was clear that what had happened between them had just been casual. Good, fun sex. So responding to him wouldn’t have been weird but there was a part of her that felt like maybe he’d dug his way into her heart a little more than she was ready to admit. If she was taking his innocent text so seriously and pondering it so deeply, perhaps there was more to it. Which meant she needed to let it go for her own good.

So she did leave him on read. But more for her sake than his she figured.

.           .           .

Harry couldn’t understand why she hadn’t responded. He could see that she’d read the text. But why not respond? He wondered if this meant she’d moved on. Maybe she’d seen that post from his ex and figured he was on his way to getting back with her somehow amidst all the rumors.

He was aware of how things were between himself and Y/n. He’d given in and fucked his own rule to not sleep with someone who was supposed to be a one-time thing more than once. To go back for more. But when he saw her that night at the restaurant he felt like somehow it was fate. Not like a deep sort of forever kind of fate, but more like a this is okay to indulge in more than once kind of fate. He usually didn’t like doing that but with Y/n it felt different. And she was hot. And funny. And the way she handled him in bed had definitely left a mark on him. She wasn’t just a fan or a casual sex partner. She wasn’t just some girl.

So that’s why he texted her. He was coming back to LA in a couple of weeks. Figured they could see one another again and have some fun. But maybe that was the problem. She was more than just fun for a night. He liked her a lot. And perhaps she was feeling something similar and needed to put that distance there so she didn’t get hurt. Harry could understand that.

While he was away he had one of his good friends along with him. He liked to have someone he trusted, which was rare in his world. He had a hard time trusting most people. She was easygoing and didn’t want anything from him sexually so she was a perfect confidant and companion to have traveling with him. It was nice to have friends like her. Something that didn’t need to be anything but friendly. Someone that he could joke around with and not worry much about being on his best behavior with.

She even gave him great advice about Y/n and then his ex after the disaster of her Instagram post. He knew he’d been snapped with her as he was out and about. On walks, in restaurants, in group settings. There were of course the usual rumors that they were dating but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.

He imagined that Y/n had seen the photos of him walking with the girl next to him. Plus the post from his ex wasn’t helping matters. Maybe it had all been too much for Y/n? Or maybe he was overthinking it all. He wasn’t quite ready to give up but he’d let her be until he returned.

.           .           .

Jimmy took Y/n to a cute little Mexican spot Sunday night and they ordered margaritas and Baja tacos with guacamole and cactus salad.

And Jimmy looked extra attractive that evening. She hadn’t noticed before then that his forearms were so thick. He had a sweater on that he’d pushed up to his elbows baring his arms. A bit of scruff on his face. And he smelled nice.

She felt like maybe they’d had enough dates and had gotten to know one another well enough that going back to his place might be fun. She wouldn’t mind a fun romp in the sack with him.

So when they walked back to Jimmy’s car she decided to go out on a limb, “Would you… what do you think about maybe going back to your place together? Or mine? I was thinking we could kind of relax and continue our conversation a bit?”

Jimmy opened the passenger door for her to let her into his car, “Oh. Yeah! Absolutely. Whichever place is better for you. It’s up to you. Mine or yours.”

And because Y/n wanted to do more than just “continue their conversation” she figured his place was best since Brad was probably home. The last time she had a man in her bed was Harry and Brad hinted at having heard them the next day. Not something she wanted to repeat nor subject poor Brad to again.

Jimmy lived in a one-bedroom apartment. He had no roommates which was ideal.

“So, I just want to tell you that right now I’m not looking for a serious relationship. I still have my profile up and kind of chatting with another girl but it hasn’t gone anywhere. I think once we get to know one another a little more maybe we can talk about being exclusive. Does that sound okay?”

She appreciated Jimmy’s honesty. And she was glad that he told her before they’d gotten any further. Because they were both sitting on his couch and making out heavily. In fact, her hand was already slowly making its way up his thigh when he stopped her to come clean.

She paused and thought for a moment. Was that okay? She began to nod and turned her gaze back to her date, “Thank you for telling me. And yeah… I think I can agree to that. Let’s just keep being honest with one another like this and I think it’ll be really good,” she leaned in when Jimmy grinned at her answer and she climbed over his lap, not ready to stop the direction they were already headed.

And just as she’d intended when she left the restaurant with Jimmy they had sex after clearing the air about their status.

It was good. She liked having sex. She didn’t do it a lot. Maybe she’d have one or two a year at most. Hopefully, Jimmy would be someone she could keep around. She hated dating and finding someone she could trust.

Jimmy didn’t get her off, though. He tried. He ate her out, which she was already very pleased with. Not all men would go down on a woman without having to be prompted. Jimmy was eager.

But when that didn’t get her off she told him to get a condom so they could have sex.

Again, he was eager. Quite good really. But as was typical for having sex with anyone for the first time, she didn’t come. She was nice and wet and super turned on but it just didn’t happen.

She didn’t mind much. He did hit some really good spots that made her moan and got her close a few times. He tried rubbing her clit to get her off before he could come but it didn’t do it for her. She guided his fingers over her the way she liked but he needed time to figure out her body a little. Nothing wrong with that at all.

And he knew she didn’t come. He was disappointed in himself when he pumped into his condom and groaned in his orgasm. He apologized profusely and tried to eat her out again but she was tired. They’d been going at it for a while because his goal was to make her come.

“It’s okay. Really. Jimmy, you’re so good. It’s always like this the first time for me. I had so much fun with you.” She cupped his jaw.

While what she was saying was mostly true, she couldn’t stop imagining how Harry had gotten her off his first time. And the second time and the following morning before he left. She tried to swallow down those thoughts and not let that interrupt her moment with Jimmy but she couldn’t help it. Harry’s moves were just better and his dirty talk and his body. And his cock. And him.

She closed her eyes to squeeze out that image from her mind. There was nothing wrong with Jimmy’s body or his dick. He was fine. She was sure that after some work he’d be getting her off soon enough. They’d eventually get very comfortable with one another and sex would be better and she’d orgasm easier.

Really at the end of the day she wanted to feel close with someone. And she got exactly that with Jimmy. He pulled her into his chest and they fell asleep in his bed. She might have not gotten her orgasm but she got the connection and closeness she’d been craving and missing.

.           .           .

The following week they skipped going out for a date altogether and Jimmy cooked for her at his place. He was a pretty romantic person. A genuinely nice guy. Handsome, funny, smart. But their second time having sex was not different from the first. Y/n was sure she’d come and had gotten close a few times but it still just didn’t happen.

And for the first time in her life ever, she faked it. She felt she had to. The poor guy was suffering. He was hammering into her and grunting and shaking, continually pulling out before he could release. For nearly half an hour that was the scene.

He tried holding her legs to the side and thrusting into her as he hovered over her but she needed something more, she was sure. Her own fingers at her clit and his cock slipping in and out just didn’t do the job. So she got on all fours and Jimmy’s bed creaked and bounced and it felt really good. Just not good enough.

Finally, when she rode him she felt that yummy gooey thing she always got just before coming but the moment she began to quiver and just before she could come Jimmy’s words halted any further gooeyness, “Finally, fuck!”

That had done it. She wasn’t going to come. He didn’t mean it to be rude, she was sure. Jimmy was the sweetest guy, truly. But that little bit was all she needed and her orgasm was ruined. So when she felt him throbbing in his condom she moaned and clenched and did all the stupid acting a porn star would to fake her orgasm.

For him to say finally in response to thinking she was coming. Really? That had irked her. She wished he hadn’t said that.

But it didn’t deter her. She really did like the guy. And surely the third time would be the charm. Except it wasn’t. The following morning he ate her out and then they had sex and he got off while she faked it again. She had to get going anyway because it was Monday morning and she had to be at the office.

It felt good to be dating someone. Even if it was casual. Jimmy had mentioned he hadn’t seen anyone else, but she didn’t miss it when he said “yet”. And part of her preferred it casual with Jimmy. Liked that her options were still open for the time being. But it did feel good to be in a relationship of sorts. Felt nice to know that someone liked her enough to keep texting her and seeing her and wanted to sleep with her. It felt grownup. That’s what she wanted. Connection. Relationship. And that’s what Jimmy gave her. In due time they would be more sexually compatible. She was sure.

On Friday night at the restaurant, she was given a couple of large groups. They were relatively nice. Perfectly well-behaved groups. Jimmy had been texting her all night. He was hoping to see her and have her stay over until the following morning before she had to be at work.

She hadn’t decided if she would or not. She sort of wanted to sleep her morning away before needing to be on her feet all night again. And she figured she could use her dildo and make herself come because she was sure Jimmy couldn’t. She knew that he wanted to have sex with her and at that point it just sounded exhausting. Now every time they got together the night ended with sex and a failed orgasm on her part. She didn’t know if something was wrong with her or if maybe she wasn’t as compatible with Jimmy as she thought. But she knew one thing. He wasn’t getting her off like she needed. And her feelings about that were giving her pause. She wondered if she was just settling for casual dates with Jimmy. Wondering if Harry had ruined her for anyone else.

So when she was suddenly interrupted coming out of the kitchen to check on one of her tables she jumped at his voice. It had been unexpected.

“Harry? What are you doing here?” She looked around and the bustling restaurant and then back up at the handsome man. Her body tingled at his presence and she got that lightheaded excitedness that she felt every time she saw him. And she realized that that was something she never experienced with Jimmy.

“I just wanted to say hi. You hadn’t texted me back the last time I reached out and I’m here for dinner right now and saw you walking back and forth. Just wanted to see how you are.”

She didn’t realize Harry had been there. Usually, the servers would mention any time anyone famous came in.

“Oh. Yeah, I’m well. Just… gosh I’ve been really busy. How have you been? I didn’t know you were back.” She decided not to address the fact that she hadn’t responded to his text nearly a month ago.

“I’m great. Been back in LA for almost a week. Missed you.”

Missed you. Yeah, she missed him too if she were honest. But she’d been pushing it all down. Covering up her feelings with Jimmy.

“That’s… I uh… missed you too.” She didn’t know what else to say. Out loud anyway. Internally she was telling him all about how the guy she’d been dating was super sweet but terrible in bed. Well, not terrible. But not Harry. And he didn’t make her feel all floaty and full of syrup and butterflies and anticipation the way Harry did. How she was having trouble connecting with Jimmy the way she could with Harry. God, how she’d love to have another round with him again. Feel that yummy stretch he gave her, that sharp deep poke, listen to his deep voice in her ear as he coaxed her through an orgasm that had her shaking and slobbering into the sheets.

“Yeah? Maybe I can see you after? I’ll stick around til you get off.”

Her mind was playing tricks on her. Til you get off. Yeah, she knew that would happen if she allowed him to stick around. She’d get off all right. He’d see to it. She should say no. Should tell him she’s seeing someone. It’s not serious but she shouldn’t do that to Jimmy. But then again…

“Okay. Yeah. I’d like that. Should be done here in an hour and a half. Is that okay?”

“F’course. I’ll be here.”

She felt immediate guilt. Jimmy didn’t deserve to be put on the back burner. He was too sweet. And there was nothing wrong with him. Sex wasn’t amazing but it wasn’t bad and eventually, she’d get used to him and she’d orgasm with him. Surely. Right? But the biggest thing that nagged at her was the way she felt around Harry. Just having him standing before her and speaking to her had her feeling things she realized she never felt with Jimmy. Maybe Jimmy wasn’t a good match for her.

And she and Jimmy weren’t exclusive. That had been made clear at the beginning. Jimmy did say that he wasn’t ready to be serious with anyone and that he wanted to get to know her for a while before any commitments were made. So it wasn’t like she was actually doing anything wrong. And it wasn’t as if Harry was asking her to have sex with him. Not by any means. Perhaps it was just to chat. To just catch up.

.           .           .

It was most definitely not just to chat. But of course, she knew that. Harry had her in his bed nearly the minute they walked into his huge mansion. It was the first time she’d been to his place and she barely had a moment to look around before he was dragging her to his master suite. They’d made out the entire way from the restaurant to his place in the back of the car. She couldn’t help it. It was like magic between them. Like fate. Like they were meant to be. She felt powerless to it.

“God I missed you,” he whispered into her neck as he gripped the back of her head, “Have never kissed anyone with softer lips.”

She was wet nearly instantly. Jimmy had to work hard to get her in the state she was with Harry after only five minutes of a hot, backseat makeout session.

In his room, she pulled his pants down and dropped to her knees. She needed to see him. Needed to dig her nails into his thick, masculine thighs. She panted as she leaned in and pressed her lips over his tiger tattoo and ran her hands upward to cup his bulge.

Harry watched her from her position on her knees before him and finally felt like he was home. There was something about this girl that he couldn’t shake. He had missed her. And the whole reason he had gone to The Dulcería that night was to see her.

So he was surprised when she so easily said yes to seeing him after work. Surprised when she flirted with him and responded to his touch with touches of her own. Surprised when she kissed him in the back seat of the cab and now more than anything, was pleased by the direction the night was going.

He decided before he even saw her that night that he wanted to make her his. Wanted it to be official. He could see himself getting serious with her. Saw himself bringing her with him everywhere. Falling in love. The whole nine.

Her lips sucked and pulled at his cock and it was better than he remembered. There was certainly nothing like the real thing when it came to getting head and Harry had been doing a lot of imagining over the months. He’d missed her warmth and her eyes. Her wet lips slipping over his shaft.

She coughed and gurgled around him as she sat back for a breath and stroked him in her hand. He brushed his fingers along her temple to move her hair from her face and she was already looking up at him. Her top had been unbuttoned and he had a view of her big tits held in by her bra and her soft eyes looking up at him with his cock in her hand.

“Fuck, angel. Missed you so much.”

She smiled and leaned in with her pink tongue sticking out before licking over his balls, gently kissing and sucking at the skin. He moaned as she moved upward over his shaft and to his crown before popping him back into her mouth.

Another good gag had Harry pulling her up, “Darling, take your clothes off,” he said through soft breaths as he pulled his shirt off and kicked his pants down the rest of the way off his legs.

She removed her work outfit and could smell the restaurant on herself, “I should like, shower or something. I smell like kitchen and food…”

Harry dragged her into his arms and stepped her back toward the bed, “Just like you are. I need you now.” He spoke against her lips.

She was pushed into his bed, her naked body under his with his soft mouth drinking her in. His lips moved from her jaw to her neck and suckled at her tits for a while before he got down to business slurping away at her cunt.

Yes. Okay. That was good. Harry was good. And she knew it wasn’t just because he was so skilled. No. She realized that it was because of the way she felt for Harry. Her heart thundered in her chest wildly as she yanked his hair and ground her pussy into his face. Harry sucked and kissed and fingered wetly as he moaned into flesh. It was everything. Harry was everything.

When she splashed a bit on his face from her orgasm Harry sat back with a laugh as he massaged the inside of her thighs. She forced herself to open her eyes to look at him. He was breathing heavily, his chest flushed pink, his cock thickened and erect. Ready to be pressed right into her sloppy pussy.

He had a hand at his base as he smoothed his weepy tip through her hot and sticky crease. He small whine fell from his lips before he got up to grab a condom. He would have loved to have just fucked her raw but they’d need to talk about all that first. And they’d barely done any talking that evening.

She pushed herself up to her elbows to watch Harry as he stood next to the bed and looked down at his girthy cock, sliding the condom over himself. She couldn’t wait to feel him inside of her again. At long last.

His strong body was insane. She’d never get over it. Wanted to drag her tongue over every inch and drink up his sweat and taste the salt in her mouth. God, he made her insatiable.

Harry kneed up to her on the bed, his heavy condom-covered dick swaying until he pulled her toward him and planted his lips onto hers. Soft and sensuous. The way he kissed her was enough to call it all off Jimmy. It had her head spinning and her tummy doing somersaults. Never something Jimmy had accomplished in their couple of months of dating.

He was breathing hard as he backed from the kiss and looked over her bare body, “I needed this so bad. God… You have no idea how much I missed you, Y/n.”

She really didn’t know. Because she imagined he was getting plenty of ass while he’d been away.  

Harry laid her down on the bed, her back flat on the mattress as he leaned over her frame and attached his lips to her breasts one at a time. She could feel his cock dragging over her as he moved from one nipple to the other.

He felt her buck upward under him and he smiled as he popped off her nipple and looked down at her, “Need something, angel?”

She nodded with a grin, “Your cock. Please.”

Harry groaned and thumbed over moistened nipples before grasping his shaft with one hand and planting his palm down onto the mattress to hold himself up over her.

“Yeah? Please? You missed me, angel?”

“Oh my god…” she moaned as she felt his tip press against her entrance, “Yes. Oh my god, I missed you.”

Harry sat back onto his haunches so he could watch as he entered her. It was his favorite view. The way she spread open, the tight little snap of him entering her clenching muscle, how nicely she took all of him. He pushed in and pulled back, wetting himself as he inched in further and further. She was sopping and had coated his condom in her drippy juices. He moaned as he dipped in deeper and watched her mouth drop open in relief at the feel of him stuffing her pussy.

When he’d gotten in balls deep he sighed, “Oh fuck, angel. I’m gonna treat you so good.” And he didn’t just mean while he was fucking her. He meant it in every way one could. He was going to treat her exactly as she deserved.

 When he began to thrust in and out with long and languid strokes, the poke into her belly was toe-curling. She’d missed the way his cock felt and missed him. Missed him more than anything.

The patting of their skin slapping together wetly sounded as good as it felt. Harry moaned and Y/n gasped. He was deep. It was as if he’d somehow grown in size since he’d been away but she was sure it was just because Harry was Harry. She liked his dick but she just really liked him.

Harry had a nice grip on her thighs to keep them spread so he could have an unobstructed image of what he was doing to her, “God your little hole is just taking me, baby…” he groaned.

She peered up at him, his abs and his thighs flexing as he worked himself into her steadily. Every time he plunged in he nudged himself into her with a quick buck at the end to push himself as far in as he could get, causing her to jolt upward and whimper at the ache.

“Your cock… oh god Harry…” she didn’t know what she was trying to say. Except maybe just that she was really enjoying him. A compliment to how good he felt. How good he was.

Harry rhythmically rocked into her and released one of her thighs to use his thumb on her clit. He softly smoothed his pad over her sticky and aroused nub and she gasped. Harry grinned at her as she reached down to feel the mess they were making, her fingers slipping next to his and then lower, to feel where his cock was sliding in and out, spreading her pussy apart, the wet hair at his base, his balls as they nudged into her when he buried himself in.

“My cock? Yeah? That feel good inside you?”

“Yes, fuck… your gonna make me come so hard,” she moaned her words as she kept her fingers held against the spot where he was pushing into her, slick and creamy.

“Feel that? Feel how wet you get for me? How hard you make me?” He sucked in a sharp breath when her fingers glided along his balls and he stilled his hips, grinding himself into her. She was forced to move her fingers back up to her clit as Harry grasped her hips and pulled her over him so she could feel just how deep he was.

“God I wish I could fuck you without a condom. Come inside of your sweet cunt and fill you up like you deserve.”

She moaned at his words and the way he was buried inside of her guts. Her eyes fluttered closed as she continued to finger over her clit. That sounded exactly like what she wanted too. Wanted to feel him pouring into her and then watch it leak out slowly as he stuffed it back in with his tip.

“Oh my god, Harry. That sounds good…” She looked down at where his pelvis was pasted to hers as he circled his hips into her.

“Yeah? Gonna make you mine, baby and then I’m gonna fuck you raw and come inside of you over and over again. You want that?”

Nodding her head, she had a pained, fucked-out expression on her face, “Yess…” she panted.

Harry leaned over her body, not able to resist kissing her any longer. He needed his mouth on hers immediately.

The quick change of position had Y/n gasping as Harry shifted over her and pressed his lips to hers. The smooth strokes of his cock started up again as he planted his mouth over hers and licked against her tongue.

Intimate. That’s what it was. Harry was intimate but it felt especially real. Especially meaningful. She tried not to think about how soft and loving he was being with her because it felt so much like what someone would do if he was in love.

But then suddenly he took her hand and wound his fingers into hers, pressing their joined hands into the bed next to the pillow her head was on, as he continued thrusting and kissing. That gesture totally tipped her mind into that place she didn’t want to go. That place that told her he was just as into her as she was into him. That he wanted her and only her.

She bent her knees and planted her feet flat, lifting her hips upward each time he pushed in. It was wet and hot between them. Harry’s body over hers was solid and strong as he fucked into her with everything he had. She felt it too. Felt him put his whole body into each thrust.

Their hands stayed wound together tightly as Harry licked into her mouth. They parted only for gasps of air and to let out whimpers and moans.

“Please, Y/n…” Harry whispers against her lips before opening his mouth over hers and smoothing them together, closing his mouth around her tongue and then pressing his tongue passed her lips. She wanted to ask him why he said please but her brain was scrambled and focused on the way their bodies moved together. How good he felt. How good she felt.

Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. She was certain Harry could hear it too. His pelvis stayed pressed into her clit and each time he stuffed himself into the hilt he undulated his hips as she tilted her own pelvis into him.

“Oh fuck!” She cried when Harry hit something inside of her that made her body tingle. She’d felt nothing like it before but she was sure it wasn’t just something physical he was nudging into. It was something emotional. She was doomed to his charm. Doomed to fall for him whether she wanted to or not. But how could she not?

Harry pushed himself up, his hands still wrapped around hers, “Okay, angel?” His soft, beautiful eyes would haunt her. Dark lashes and a dark limbal ring that lined his already perfect shade of green…

“It just… it feels so good, Harry. You’re making me feel so good,” she panted her words.

Harry dragged his gaze from her eyes down to her tits, “Want you to ride me, okay? Want to see how you fuck yourself on me.”

Nodding her head Harry slid himself out with a soft hiss as he grasped his cock and watched the tiniest bit of liquid gush from her pussy. She’d only gotten wetter as he fucked her.

Harry took her hand and brought it to his lips, “What are you doing to me, Y/n?”

She sat up as they kept their eyes locked and Harry grasped the back of her neck and kissed her again. They sat in the middle of his massive bed, both on their knees, naked and kissing urgently until Harry sat back and pulled Y/n with him, dragging her body over his, never letting their lips part.

She straddled his lap as he grasped her hips and pressed her wet cunt to his impossibly hard erection. When he’d finally laid his back into the mattress she placed her palms over his pecs and felt his hands at her ass, guiding her up so she could put him back in as quickly as possible.

Letting her fingertips travel over his chest, feeling the hair on her palm, the sturdy muscle under his soft skin, she scraped lightly and leaned down to lick his nipple. She smiled when he moaned and as badly as she wanted to have his cock back inside of her she needed to show her affection to his gorgeous body. At least a little.

Moving her lips to his other side she licked over his pebbled nippled and looked up at his face. His eyes were closed and his mouth was dropped open. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as she nipped with her teeth gently.

Harry groaned and opened his eyes, lifting his head to watch her work over him with her teeth and her tongue, “Fuck, baby.”

Y/n grinned and lifted her mouth from his skin, “Harry, your body is fucking incredible. I could lick and kiss it all day long.”

With her eyes on his she leaned down and stuck out her pink tongue to drag up from the underside of his peck up to his other nipple. She pulled it into her mouth and scraped her teeth over it before kissing it. She dotted warm pecks upward to his clavicle and licked as she went.

Harry’s whimpers grew desperate as he watched her lick and kiss his skin. But he needed to have her on him. His cock was aching and with the sweet and adoring attention she was giving him with her tongue and her lips he was going mad.

Harry grasped her hips and the pathetic whine that fell from his throat had her peeking up at him again, “Please, angel. I need you to fuck me.”

And well, that was all it took. He had said please after all. She lined up herself over his tip and began to sink over him, her pelvis tilted into him, “Okay, baby. I’ll fuck you now. God I need you too…” they moaned loudly as she slid over him until her pussy lips were kissing the very base of his cock.

She kept her hands pressed to his chest as she gently rocked herself over him. Harry moved her up and down slowly, keeping his hands on her bottom, and watched her pretty face contort at the feel of him splitting her pussy apart on his big cock.

“God you’re already creaming all over baby. So fucking wet I can hear it.” Harry spoke through gritted teeth. He loved the way she looked on top, her tits gently jiggling at each roll of her hips, her wet mouth dropped open, her eyes fluttering open and closed in ecstasy.

“You make me so wet, Harry. No one gets me wet like you. I need you…” she groaned as she bucked her hips down over him.

“Yeah? Need me, baby? I can tell…” he gasped when she clenched over him, “Can tell by the way you’re fucking yourself on me. Gonna get yourself off on my cock, angel?”

Y/n keened when Harry lifted his hips up the tiniest bit, forcing his cock deeper yet. A delicious sting.

“Harry… fuck!”

Harry breathed in a shaky breath and pulled at her elbow to bring her body down toward his. He wanted more contact. Wanted her closer. Wanted to kiss her as they both released together because he could tell she was nearly there.

The moment her lips were pressed to his he bent his knees slightly and tilted his pelvis upward so he could thrust into her as she fucked herself down onto him. Wet squelches and soft gasps surrounded them as they kept their bodies connected, on edge, trembling.

One of Harry’s hands smoothed down to her bottom while he took his other to bring her fingers into his. He wanted it sensual, erotic, soft, lusty. There was something about fucking Y/n and having his lips on hers and her hand in his that was making his heart swell with affection. He’d never have enough of her.

She shivered over him and he knew it wasn’t because she was cold. There was no way her body was cold with the way they had been going at it. No. He knew her shiver was because she felt it. Felt what he was. Knew this was it for them.

Her breasts were smushed into Harry’s chest and her thighs were squeezing around him as she continued pushing herself down over him. Her small hand in his with her fingers threaded between his was warm.

“Shit… you coming baby?” Harry felt her limbs tense and the tight muscle at her entrance grip around his cock in pulses.

“Fuck… yess! Fuck!” She couldn’t stop her orgasm from finding its way to the surface. She hadn’t expected it to burst out of her so quickly but having her hand surrounded by his while his cock was buried inside of her was not a casual sex move and that notion alone had her spinning out of control.

He was holding her hand and kissing the edge of her mouth through it all and now that she was coming around him, he squeezed her hand tighter and whispered to her through her orgasm, “There you go, angel. Made for me, aren’t you? My good girl…” she writhed and whimpered in her climax and he could tell it felt good. Could tell she was getting what she deserved.

Harry let her spasm around him for a moment longer until he couldn’t hold on for another second. He lifted his hips and gasped as he spurt into his condom. Gushes of hot come filling the rubber tip as he throbbed inside of her.

She felt his prick pump against her slick walls as he came. His breath was caught in his throat as he released into his condom. The grasp he had on her hand was locked down hard. She would have complained that it hurt but the last thing she wanted to do was have him release her in any way. She always wanted this with him. The closeness, the intimacy. The insane connection they had.

When Harry finally filled his lungs with air and his face relaxed her felt her slumped into his chest. He loosened his grip on her hand but didn’t let go. He wouldn’t let go. Never.

She’d passed out. Simply exhausted after Harry had handled her body like he owned it. Exhausted after giving every inch of his body her attention and love because damn did he deserve it. He was breathtaking. The man deserved to be worshipped. He was stunning and the way he gave himself to her was mind-blowing.

.           .           .

Blinking her eyes open the morning light was barely peeking through the window. It must have been super early. He was still asleep next to her. Hair a mess, cheeks smushed, small breaths puffed out from his mouth (he slept with his mouth opened she learned after the few times they’d slept together).

She was feeling something deeper for Harry than she wanted. The guilt about ignoring Jimmy and going home with another man was eating at her. Jimmy didn’t deserve that. He was a nice guy. A normal guy. But Harry was different. And it wasn’t just because he was hot and famous. It was because they understood one another in a way that she didn’t know if she’d ever get to with Jimmy. And that didn’t feel great.

Especially because Harry was… well he was Harry Styles. Falling for him would be dangerous and she’d have her heart broken. She could fall for him too. Another round of sex like they’d had the night before and it would be over for her. She’d tip over the edge of no return and need him in a way he’d never need her. She might just have to settle for Jimmy in that case. Perhaps that would really be as good as it could get for her.

Slowly slipping out of his bed she went to the bathroom with her phone.

She powered it back on and cringed when she had a couple of missed notifications from Jimmy. Not only had she kind of betrayed his trust and slept with someone else after he asked her to come over, but she wasn’t totally honest with Harry either. Hadn’t told him about the guy she’d been dating. A guy she was working on getting to know and could see herself dating long-term. Well, she could have seen Jimmy as someone long-term had it not been for Harry being so goddamn perfect.

Could she see herself with Harry long-term? She could actually but the reality was he probably didn’t see her in the same way. She chalked up his words and the intimacy with him just being a very sensual and sexual and vulnerable man. He was probably that way with everyone he slept with. She didn’t want to assume it was because he liked her just as much as she liked him.

Splashing her face with water she sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She knew what she needed to do. To protect herself. To make things right.

She needed to go home and tell Jimmy everything. And then she needed to decide if she could see herself being exclusive with Jimmy or not. Could she settle? She’d let Harry get under her skin. She didn’t know how he’d done it so fast but maybe it was just his natural charm. Whatever it was, she knew Harry would be okay. Knew it was unlikely that he felt anything close to how she was feeling.

Her Uber driver arrived faster than she thought. She rushed out of Harry’s bedroom, down the stairs, and out the door, before she even had time to write a little note. She fully intended on doing that but it was too late. It was time to put it all behind her. Maybe this was going to get Harry out of her system once and for all.

But she could be dumb at times.

.           .           .          

Instead of coming clean to Jimmy right away, she broke down the moment she got into her bedroom. She regretted everything. The way she handled Jimmy. The way she gave in to Harry. The way she left Harry without saying goodbye.

What was she thinking? She was too young to be going through a midlife crisis but she was at an age where she needed to grow up and start making big girl decisions. Settle down with a good man. Jimmy was surely that man. A normal guy. Someone in her league. But maybe she so easily gave in to Harry because Jimmy still had his dating profile active and that stayed with her in the back of her mind. Their casual dating relationship meant they were allowed to see who they wanted.

But Harry was… There was something there. Something else that she didn’t have with Jimmy. That she wasn’t sure she’d ever have. But that was why she needed to cut it out with the famous man. He was famous. He was exceptional in so many ways and there was simply no way he’d feel for her what she felt for him. He was too good to be true.

The messages from both men continued through the day. She shut her phone off when she got to work. She just couldn't face it. Couldn’t deal with it. Tomorrow. She’d figure it out tomorrow. Explain everything to Jimmy and to Harry. Harry would be okay. She knew he would be. He’d probably felt relief that she didn’t stay in fact. Made it easier for him so he didn’t have to break it to her that that should be their last time together. Though, she hadn’t read any of the messages he sent (she simply couldn’t bring herself to) she was sure he would be the easy one to deal with. Jimmy, though… She hoped he’d forgive her. But she knew she needed to call it off with Jimmy as well. Nice enough, a great guy for just about anyone. But maybe not for her. Especially not when she couldn’t stop comparing him to Harry. So she’d made up her mind. She’d call Jimmy the following day and sort things out with him. Tell him they had a good run and then that would be that.

But sometimes things in life don’t always go as one imagines. Do they?

With her phone shut off, she had missed the calls and the subsequent texts from both men. She had not realized that they’d both texted her that they were going to be waiting for her at her house when she got home because they needed to talk. She had not imagined pulling up to her little rented bungalow to see three men standing in her front yard.

There was Brad, mediating the whole scene, standing between the two men she’d been ignoring for the entirety of the day.

Then there was Jimmy with a red face and posture that told her he was feeling quite insecure about something. Of which she was sure she had a good idea.

And there was Harry. Pacing. With his hands in his hair and his mouth moving as he said something that had him excited.

The three men suddenly stopped as she pulled in front of the house. All three sets of eyes on her. She had been avoiding simply responding to them. Assuming she’d have time to get her thoughts together. But now she had no choice. She was being forced to confront them.

Harry began to walk toward her car first. But then Jimmy followed too. Both men spoke to one another animatedly as she opened the door.

“Nahh… back off man,” Harry spoke to Jimmy but kept his eyes toward Y/n.

“No. I’m not going to back off…” Jimmy quickened his pace when he noticed she’d gotten out of her car.

“Y/n…” Brad spoke over the two bickering adults, “You probably have some explaining to do to these two. Do you mind taking over here?”

“I… yeah. Of course. I’m so sorry, Brad.” She looked between the three men as Brad waved and walked back into the house.

Jimmy’s face was bright red, “Y/n, tell him we’ve been dating. He seems to think you are his girlfriend.”

Looking at Harry she opened her mouth to respond but stopped at the insinuation that Harry implied she was his girlfriend.

Girlfriend?

Stepping into her yard Harry stood in front of her and then Jimmy next to him both men looking at her in question.

“Uh… I’m… I don’t know what to say. I’ve been dating Jimmy,” she gestured at the man and looked at Harry, “but we’re not exclusive, and then… Well, I saw Harry last night,” she stuttered her words. Her heart was pounding. She was not looking like a good person in this situation. But it was too late now.

“I don’t care that you were dating someone. What happened between us last night… that meant something to you. Didn’t it?” Harry spoke as he gently brushed his fingers against hers, a little spark of life, a signal that he was there and she was safe with him.

She was a bit stunned by all this. Hadn’t expected Harry to say that. Hadn’t expected to see both men in her yard, apparently arguing over her.

“But we’ve been dating for almost 2 months. I think she and I have something special. And I know we haven’t specifically said we were exclusive but–“

“Well, I’ve known her for nearly… what 5, 6 months now?” Harry looked at her as he spoke.

Y/n stood still looking from Harry to Jimmy who continued, “So what is it? Are you with me or are you with him? I didn’t know you were dating someone else.” He was flustered. In comparison to Harry, he was not calm nor gentle.

“I… I’m sorry,” She shook her head and felt her face grow hot and her head dizzy. She was embarrassed.

There wasn’t anything else to say. Except that she was sorry. She really had liked Jimmy. But with the way she folded so fast with Harry, she knew she didn’t like Jimmy as much as she assumed. Because all Harry had to do was say a few nice things to her to get her back to his place and in his bed. She was a weak bitch. What could she say except sorry?

“Look. I’m sorry. Both of you. I have some explaining to do and I was going to… but why are you both here?”

“I came here to talk about this morning with you, Y/n. You left without goodbye and didn’t respond to my texts,” Harry spoke first.

“And you didn’t text me back last night when I thought we were making plans. I was worried about you.”

Blinking her eyes she realized without a doubt, that she was the heavy here. The rotten one. This was all her fuckup. Both men came to find her because she’d blown them both off. Ran away from her problems.

But she fully intended on being truthful. She just needed a minute.

“Fuck.” She cursed and ran a hand through her hair. “I was going to talk to you both. I just… I don’t know. I felt bad that I flaked out on you, Jimmy. I was never going to meet up with you last night after work and I should have told you that off the bat. And I was going to tell you but then I saw Harry and… I just felt guilty so I figured I’d apologize later.”

“That’s… kind of fucked up, Y/n,” Jimmy said as he put his hands on his hips.  

She nodded and looked at him. He was upset, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“And so you didn’t want to come see me last night because of him?” He gestured toward the man standing to his left.

Shaking her head she looked from Jimmy to Harry, “No. Before I even realized Harry was at the restaurant for dinner I planned on just going back home after my shift. I just never got around to telling you that. I didn’t want to see you last night.”

“But you went back to Harry’s house?” Jimmy asked.

She sighed, nodding, “Yes. I didn’t plan on it. It just happened.”

The silence was all-consuming. Y/n didn’t want to look at Jimmy’s disappointed face any longer so she glanced at Harry whose energy was opposite of Jimmy's. He was all soft eyes with a gentle expression. Comforting. She smiled at him. He felt safe.

“Okay. Fair enough,” Jimmy spoke suddenly, “So that’s it? Should I expect to hear from you again or…” he shrugged and looked at her hoping to hear something that gave him anything to hang on to.

Should he expect to hear from her? She liked him. She really did. But she could see it now that she didn’t like him enough. Even if perhaps she and Harry didn’t wind up together, the way she fell into Harry’s bed so easily and the way she lit up at Harry’s smile in that moment. The way he made her feel… it was over with Jimmy. She’d never feel that way with him.

“I think that’s it. Yeah. I’m sorry, Jimmy. I’m not sure what I was thinking but… I think this has run its course. I’m sorry,” she shook her head at the whole situation. She felt awful. Jimmy had been nothing but kind. But she just wasn’t feeling it she guessed. Not when she was feeling so much more with Harry.

She watched Jimmy walk away to his car and felt Harry’s hands pull at hers, “It meant something. Didn’t it?”

Looking up at the tall man in confusion she responded, “What?”

“Last night. I know you left without saying anything but now I get it. You were feeling guilty about that bloke. Right?”

Swallowing thickly she nodded, “Yeah… I just… I don’t know why I went back with you but it felt natural and this morning I was overwhelmed with guilt and didn’t really know what you wanted. You know?” She raised her brows and continued, “You’re… you. You’re Harry Styles. I’m just… me. Felt like I was playing some silly game with myself that was just gonna get me hurt.”

Harry’s hands cupped her face softly, “No games. I like you a lot. Couldn’t stay away from you. Last night felt like the beginning of something really special and I hoped you felt it too.”

She stayed silent as she looked into his eyes. His warm hands on her skin felt soft and tender. His thumbs grazed her cheekbones and she felt it. She did. She knew exactly what he meant. To hear him say it, though…

“I need to know what that means for you. Because, yeah. I felt it. I just don’t want to get hurt, Harry. You’re gonna go back on tour and you’ll see your ex and some other woman and I’m gonna get left behind again–“

“My ex? I didn’t see my ex. Nor do I have plans for that,” he laughed softly as he spoke.

“Well, I mean… I did see her post about crossing paths with someone and that cross necklace,” she shook her head and felt silly for even bringing it up as she looked at the expression on Harry’s face.

“She called me and I answered. She thought that meant something but really it was just me being nice. I don’t miss her at all. Have no intention of seeing her again on any level.”

She nodded at his words, “And the pretty woman that was with you on tour. Lots of rumors there too. Which is fine! You’re totally allowed to see other–“

Harry pulled her in close, stopping her mid-sentence, “She’s a friend. Someone I trust who I can vent to and confide in. She gave me lots of advice about you, angel. Told me to go after you. Told me she hadn’t seen me so excited about anyone ever before. I couldn’t stop talking about you.”

“So, you never slept with her?”

Harry shook his head and fit his fingers between hers, blinking softly, “Never. I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Now she felt really bad. He’d been missing her and thinking of her all the while she was off with Jimmy trying to erase Harry from her mind, “I had no idea. I’m sorry that I didn’t… I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I admit, I didn’t try hard enough to stay in touch. That’s on me. But I don’t want that to ever happen again.”

“But now you must really think I’m trash. After all that?”

Harry shook his head, squeezing her hand, “Not at all, angel. I want to be with you. Don’t want you with anyone else, though,” he laughed, “And I’m not gonna think about whatever you had going on with that guy because you were just trying to get to know someone else. You thought it was over with us. But I don’t want it to be over. I want it to be me and you.”

She stood stunned. She just hadn’t expected any of this but it was more than she could have hoped for. She genuinely thought she’d misread all the signs. Yes, last night it felt like intimacy and deep connection but figured that was all coming from her end. She had tricked herself into believing he didn’t feel the same.

“Well? What do you think? Would you want to be my girlfriend? Make it official?”

She swallowed the grit down her throat and blinked her eyes at Harry. It all felt like a dream. Surely it was a dream.

“I do want that. So much, but…” she shook her head just as Harry grinned wide.

“So you’re my girlfriend now?”

Y/n puffed out a laugh and nodded, “I guess so. Yeah.” She couldn’t tamper her smile.

Harry released one of her hands and gently held the back of her neck as he leaned down to kiss her. And just like every other time her lips connected with his, she felt flushed and buzzy. Her skin prickled with excitement. Her sinuses burned as she held back stupid tears.

But she needed to say something else. And if this fiasco had taught her anything it was that she needed to be better at communicating.

Parting from the kiss, Harry kept her in his arms as she tilted her head to look up at him, “But what happens when you leave again, Harry? To another city? Another country? What does that mean for us?”

He brought his lips to her forehead before looking down at her again, his crystalline green eyes taking her in. He inhaled a deep breath, a serious expression on his face suddenly that had Y/n worried about the next words he was going to speak, “Come with me.”

He squeezed her closer if that were possible and she opened and closed her mouth a few times, shocked at his words and at what was happening. It was crazy, wasn’t it? To just leave everything behind and travel with Harry wherever he went? Surely this was just a beautiful dream she’d be waking from at any minute.

Harry shook his head and the edge of his pink lips quirked up on one side, “I won’t take no for an answer.”

A/N: This is the last part of this series! What did you guys think? Would you like to see some more of these two? Thank you so much for reading!

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[whenyouwishuponastar7]

Hi everyone!

I have to address something that has gone on and is currently occurring. This is the last thing I want to do because I have spent eight years in different fandoms and avoided as much drama as possible. I want no part in it. I want to enjoy my time here.

Unfortunately, this is no longer drama. This is about an individual harming people, their mental health, their safe spaces, their enjoyment of fandom, their favorite ship, and their writing. This is about an individual who chooses bigotry over friendship and will align themselves with bad people for popularity.

And they don’t care who they harm by doing it.

This person made my life a living hell for over five months. It started in August, but things took a turn in October. I was finally free of them in late February because that is when a fandom event ended that tied me to them.

During this event, this person stressed me out to the point of tears. They made passive-aggressive remarks about various things, which made me feel insecure about my fic and writing. They unexpectedly changed their medium and didn’t talk to me about it before they did; I admit I was taken aback, hurt, and short with them. I apologized and took accountability the following day.

From then on, I tried to be as supportive, kind and understanding as possible.

I was “pushy” in December and January because this person had not produced a single finished piece of their art, which would total ten pieces. I knew it was too late in January to get a pinch hitter, and I don’t care that I asked a few times how it was going when I had nothing. I handed them a completed fic on August 28th. They had nothing until mid-January (and almost didn’t make it to this deadline) but didn’t start the bulk of their work until late January 22nd and finished (except polishing and watermarking) on the 26th.

Final submissions were on January 31st.

It took them four days to do what they hadn’t done in five months. I asked if they needed an extension, and we got one because they were not done by the final submission day. I had watched another writer’s artist drop out at the last minute, and mods said they couldn’t find anyone to pinch-hit for them.

This experience was a bad one. I can’t express how shitty it felt. I didn’t write for three months during it, and the fics I’ve written since then aren’t very good. I also have watched my readership disappear—getting the hits and kudos I did before October stopped.

I had a feeling this individual might have been involved if they were talking about me, but I thought I was being paranoid. I still may be, but since this has all happened, I have started to regain readers. I find that interesting.

Anyway! This whole thing ended, and it was bitter for me. I don’t have any more enjoyment in this fandom. I love my ship, but I currently have no desire to write them. I’ve been depressed and I’m scarred from fandom events. This person took away my joy when I only wanted to participate in a fandom event with my friends and have fun.

Because fandom is supposed to be fun, it’s not supposed to do this to people. It’s insane that it does this to people, and I never wanted to be involved in this bullshit.

This person has gone on to enjoy other fandom events, write and produce art, and seems to be doing fine.

Through small but interesting events, I started to learn about this individual’s ‘perspective’ on the entire thing with me. And, hoo boy, it was a fucking ride.

I am still shocked, amazed, flabbergasted and kinda pissed off about how this person lied about me. Everything they said was a complete lie. They shared my DMs via screenshots out of context, warped what we were talking about to play the victim and get sympathy, and flat-out lied numerous times. I have been accused of forcing them to do things during the event when I have screenshot proof that never happened.

For everything this individual accused me of, I provided screenshots to tell the fucking truth.

Two people have told me the same phrasing: they made me out to be a monster.

A monster.

If anyone knows me, my character, they know I’m not a goddamn monster. I try to keep my head down, stay in my lane, play in my sandbox corner, enjoy my ships, and have fun with my friends.

To be called a monster or to have someone say, ‘you’re nothing like they made you out to be,’ is the most surreal moment of my adult life.

This is fiction, fandom; it’s not real, and not everyone makes a living off it. It’s a hobby, and it’s supposed to be enjoyable. Once we step away from our computers and phones, no one knows us as so and so, writer or artist of Ship. Meanwhile, this person is making me out to be the worst human being alive, and it is absolute insanity to learn how deep it goes.

The twists and turns, the lies, the complete lack of reality, the delusion. It’s creepy and disturbing. And, through finding all of this out, I pieced together a pattern of behavior that this individual has:

When you do something they don’t like, they distance themselves, become cold and passive-aggressive, and hold themselves above you. You are no longer of use to them. They dangle their friendship and attention on a lure, hoping you’ll bite, only to throw you back under.

Please understand that this is a dangerous thing—this is not fandom drama—this is a dangerous individual, and the person with whom they choose to spend their time speaks volumes.

I will not share names or screenshots. Screenshots have been shared with the right people, and I will not make it a public spectacle. I also choose to protect the privacy of my friends and others involved in this, of which there are many.

I have been accused of forcing this individual to do things, hating them and their work, being extremely pushy and stressing them out, and that my server was unwelcoming and the people in it were unkind, and various other things. Small things that didn’t mean anything to me were taken extremely personally and made into more lies to make this person a victim.

Such as my preferred formatting for posting my fic links on tumblr. They did not respect it, even though I attempted to respect their formatting for posting their art numerous times earlier, but I was told not to stress about it and, you guessed it—accused of forcing them to change things behind my back. Again, screenshots have been given to the right people.

This individual can delete everything, but we have our proof, as we have been gathering it. We will not publicly share anything, but if this individual decides to, we have the evidence to back it all up.

There were so many creepy and fucked up things that happened. I can’t list them without getting too personal, but please understand this person does not belong in our fandom.

They chase popular people, especially artists, to ‘collect’ them and lie to and manipulate their friends for sympathy. Their friends need to step away and see the light because they are being used—it’s not a real friendship. It is transactional.

And you should be offended. They will cast you aside when you’re useless to them, too.

If I seem mad, it’s because I am. I have been dealing with this since August, when I realized that many of their comments were strange. I didn’t know those were red flags at the time. This individual pretends to be friendly and claims to be ‘the nice one’ when things go wrong so they can keep their reputation. Interactions with them might seem harmless, but looking at them with a different scope makes them something far different.

Don’t ignore red flags or gut instincts.

This is my story, and it is not told exactly how I wish I could tell it. But I know this individual has hurt numerous other people. I was going to make this post without the ability to reblog, but I am leaving it open for now.

If you want to add your story, as I suspect many of you know who I am speaking of, please do. I ask that you avoid telling anyone else’s stories for them unless you have permission. Protect each other.

This stupid shit unites us. I’m not afraid anymore because I’m sick of watching my friends get hurt again and again.

This individual has befriended a known bully and transphobic person. I won’t speak any further on this because it is not my story, but please bear in mind that they chose a TERF over trans friends. And we know what they say about association.

Blindsided victims of this individual are not at fault for this person’s actions.

See something, say something. Terfs and bullies can GET FUCKED.

Share your story.

[sourcherryandsprinkles]

Aemond is soon to be married to a political arrangement by their mother, so for his last unwed nameday, Aegon takes him to an elite brothel on the street of silk. He’s shy and doesn’t know what kind of woman he wants, so the owner of the brothel send him her most expensive girl to seduce him

A short little thing for Aemond (longer requests are coming, don't worry)

Warnings: 18+, prostitution,

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

Coming to the street of silk was Aegon’s idea. Unlike his brother, Aemond never visited brothels. They never appealed to him. He’d much rather sit in his chamber and read about the history of Valyria than bed a stranger for some gold coins. But Aegon insited that his brother needed to experience the ‘pleasure of fucking’ before he got wed to a highborn woman for the sake of politics. 

Aemond had never seen a more bustling place. The sounds of ambiance music, laughter and whispered promises filled the space, accompanied by lewd moans in some corners. Women were dancing and parading around scantily clothed as men were pawing at them. 

Holding back a grimace, the prince shifted his eye away from them. Despite his discomfort, he held no judgment for the people who made a living here. Not everyone was born in luxury.

Aegon nudged his brother forward. ‘’Pick the woman you want,’’ he urged as they entered.

Cloak still covering his head, Aemond gave him a quiet hum. 

They separated and ventured into the brothel. Women attempted to seduce him, attracted by his tall stature and youthful face, but Aemond politely rejected their advances, not interested.  

He spent a long time looking around, knowing Aegon would never let him leave the brothel without bedding a woman. 

Exploring further, Aemond followed a narrow hallway lined with makeshift rooms crafted from old sheets, offering a semblance of discretion in an otherwise open environment. The muffled sounds of pleasure emanating from behind closed curtains were more explicit, making the prince not want to take a peek. He wasn’t into voyeurism or exhibitionism. 

‘’Found anyone, brother?’’ Aegon asked after a few minutes, already having his own eyes on a few for himself. 

The taller prince shook his head. ‘’I have not…’’ 

Aegon pursed his lips, observing around them. There were women of every body type, age and hair color, why did Aemond have difficulty picking one? 

Then, it struck him. It wasn't a lack of options that troubled Aemond, but rather a mismatch of tastes. Perhaps he would prefer someone more elegant? Aegon searched for Maege, the owner of the brothel and asked if she had a higher priced woman for a special customer. The plump woman smiled, her eyes shifting to the white hair beneath his cloak. She nodded and Aegon handed her a few gold coins. It was much more than she was requesting, but he figured it would buy her silence too.

Maege showed the way to one of the private rooms of the brothel. They were expensive, therefore only used by exclusive customers. 

Aemond thanked Maege as she opened the curtain for him, and told him to get comfortable. The room was about the size of his bathing chamber and had a large canopy bed dressed in red sheets and cushions ornate of a gold trim. Aemong felt like he had been transported to a completely different brothel. Candles were lit on the cherry-wood tables, bringing light to the room. 

As he waited, echoes of other people's pleasure could be heard. Aemond tried to ignore them, telling himself that this will soon be over. 

After a few minutes of waiting, you pulled the curtain open slightly and slipped inside in silence. Maege had given you a couple of rules before she sent you to the private room. 1. Do not ask the customer any personal questions and keep the talking to a minimum. 2. Treat him with your best services. 3. Never mouth to others about his identity.

You assumed he was a Lord, a married man. Not the Prince Aemond.

You curtsied upon recognizing him, bowing your head before straightening up.  

Aemond glanced at you, his good eye surveying your figure from head to toe. Your hair cascaded down your back as if they hadn't been cut in years, rivaling with his own. Your body was covered by a long chiffon shift that didn't leave anything to the imagination. From the color of your nipples to the curve of your hips and even the slit between your legs. 

He inhaled a deep breath. A part of him wanted to dismiss you, or simply sit in silence for long enough to trick Aegon that he fucked you, but something about you was calling to him.  

‘’What do you want me to do, my Prince?’’ you asked, your peaked nipples poking against the thin, pale fabric. 

—

House of the dragon taglist: @khaleesihavilliard @domoron @ididliquorice @lover-of-helios @lover-of-helios @shine101 @tanyaherondale @mikariell95 @serrendiipty @lantsovheiress @gilliananderfuckme @shine101 @tetgod @clayzayden@memeorydotcom @tnu-ree @futuregws @blackravena @winxschester @mysteriouslydelightfulchaos @xxlaynaxx @secretsthathauntus @pilarxxxaguayo @emmavan39 @stargaryenx @erylilly @bbblackmamba @rainedrop97 @dreamer087 @gothicgay14 @ashlatano7567 @superkittywonderland @justaproudslytherpuff @evesolstice @buckysmainhxe @padfootsvixen @scarletmeii @evesolstice @dkathl @kaywsworld @tetgod @padfootsvixen @domoron @weird-addiction @angeliod @xjennyx2 @adaydreamaway08  @mymultiveres  @secretsthathauntus  @puffycreamcakes @thirsty4nonlivingmen@naty-1001@katiepie67@moshpot24x@hc-geralt-23 @lovelynerdytraveler@saturn-sas  @zgzgh @sssjuico10 @tabloidteen @timetoten @deekaag@wondxrgurl@aerangi@strmborns@astridyoo15 @daemonslittlebitch @queenbeestuffs @severewobblerlightdragon @agentstarkid @msliz @vane1999-blog @fairyfolkloresposts @todaywasafairytale07 @otomaniac @zgzgzh @thebeardedmoon @golden-library @kikyrizuki @hnslchw @camy85 @winxschester @armstrongscommentsection

All and more taglist:  @kenqki  @hawkegfs  @gillybear17   @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade   @mellabella101 @vxnity713  @bisexualgirlsblog @queenofslytherin889 @thatbxtchesblog @softb-tterfly @ethanlandrycanbreakmyheart  @xyzstar  @graceberman3   @mikeyspinkcup @jackierose902109 @daisydark @laurasdrey @mischieftom @fanatic4niall @peterholland04 @idkwhattonamethisblogs  @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @zoeynicolas @thejuleshypothesis @multi-fandom-bi-bitch @lexasaurs634  @notasadgirlipromise @thejuleshypothesis  @katherinejess  @rafesgirlstuff   @lafleshlumpeater @iamluminosity  Anouk nani-2305 @books0fever

[foxintheferns]

I'd love to see Jacob with a single mama. I'd love it if he imprinted on her while she's playing with her little one on the beach. She could be Charlie's niece who he helped move to Forks to give her a fresh start with the little one. I'm thinkin the kiddo is about 1-2, old enough to walk/play in the sand but still young. I can see Jacob being the best papa ever and the pack just LOVING on the kid <3 Please and thank you! <3

Thank you so much for your patience with this one! Because I made you wait so long, I made it a long one <3. Loved writing such sweet lil fluffy stuff. Please enjoy :)

A/N: AU where Jacob and Bella aren’t toxic & weirdly obsessed with each other, and he has his own life and experiences outside of her! Period.

HOME

You sat on the sand with Lydia between your legs, her wispy, silky auburn hair blowing between your fingers with each soft gust of the salty breeze. You faced the ocean, La Push beach surrounding you in all of its striking glory.

Lydia babbled as she played with the sand, her back to you and her arms and legs quite literally covered in the granules. It would be her second birthday in two months, and you couldn’t understand where the time had gone. She grew so quickly, her chunky little arms and legs getting longer by the day, and you wished desperately that you could pause time.

Your ex boyfriend Noah, Lydia’s father, hadn’t wanted much to do with the raising of his child.

You looked down at the side of her sweet face, the buttery soft skin of her cheek glowing with the orange light of the afternoon. It was despicable that anyone could not want to love this tiny human, you thought, that anyone would even consider leaving her by choice. But that was exactly what Noah had done. His booze and his gambling was far too important to him to bother with the raising of a small child.

It made you angry; you felt a relentless and almost violently intense need to protect her. From everything ugly and awful and false in this world, even if that meant her own father. He had never treated you right, always gone for nights at a time doing who knows what with God knows who. The pregnancy had been an accident, but his reaction was not what you’d expected. He’d seemed to be on-board at first, but was never there for you during your difficult pregnancy. You thought back to how your muscles had ached as you were on all fours scrubbing the bathroom floor that one Saturday night, seven months pregnant and inconceivably exhausted. He had come home after being gone for two days, reeking of liquor and barely having time to slur out his angry question of what you were planning on making for dinner before he’d passed out on the living room couch.

You had been expecting Lydia’s birth to snap him back to reality, to throw things into perspective for him. But the man you had practically grown up with, together since 18, had missed her birth.

“Got caught up at work,” had been his excuse when he showed up at the hospital the next morning. Even the labor and delivery nurse had thrown him a glare.

When Lydia was 3 months old, you were forced to go part-time at the job you’d loved, the one that could actually lead somewhere. Without Noah’s help, childcare was next to impossible. Your neighbor, Jess, a stay at home mom of three, was kind enough to babysit Lydia with her own children for a few days out of the week, but you felt awful not being able to pay her much, if anything, most weeks.

After over a year of trying, of desperately hoping and yearning for the man you had once loved to be a father to your sweet girl, you’d finally thrown in the towel. Noah had made it clear that he had no interest in being a dad, and in one of his more blacked-out stupors, had even remarked that if the two of you hadn’t gotten pregnant, things would’ve been easier. Better.

Noah had been gone 11 days, his longest absence yet.

You’d packed your minimal belongings, gathering Lydia’s too and putting them into her tiny suitcase with strawberries on it.

Your mom had passed when you were 16, and your dad was very much like Noah. Oh, how patterns repeat themselves. You didn’t have much of a support system to fall back on when shit hit the fan.

The one person you knew would answer if you called was your Mom’s brother, Charlie.

“(Y/N)?,” his gruff, tired voice had come through the phone that early Tuesday morning. You knew it was probably only 4am in Forks, where he was, but he’d still answered the phone.

“Uncle Charlie…,” you’d whimpered shakily, “I-….”

You didn’t even know where to begin. Uncle Charlie had always been so good to you, checking in and asking how Lydia was frequently. He’d been one of the few people you’d called to share the exciting news of your pregnancy with, and had been ecstatic, urging that you come visit him and your cousin Bella as soon as you could.

“What’s goin’ on? You okay?”, His voice had become suddenly alarmed, and you’d heard the shuffling in the background of him getting up and out of his bed.

Leaving with Lydia was something you’d been wanting to do for a while, but you didn’t think you could actually follow through with it. Saying it out loud felt impossible.

“I need your help,” you’d whispered, your voice low and on the verge of breaking.

That was two weeks ago now.

You sat on the soft sand with Lydia, her tiny fingers gripping your leg for support as she pulled herself up, and you thought back to the fear you’d felt that day. Charlie had immediately paid for a planet ticket for you and Lydia to fly up to Port Angeles. He didn’t waste a moment in inviting you to come stay with him. He’d been clearly enraged, barely hiding his distaste for Noah’s behaviors once you’d let the floodgates open and told him everything you’d been hiding for months.

“Jesus, (y/n). I thought you guys were doing good, I-… I thought he was different, honey. I’m so sorry, kid,” Charlie had spoken into the phone after the words pouring from your mouth had finally come to a halt once you’d gotten him caught up on the current status of your relationship with your baby’s father. You hadn’t realized it, but you’d been hiding it from practically everyone. Your cousin Bella texted you often, and she knew some of the details of how absent Noah had become, but even she didn’t know the extent of it. You were a single mother, from the moment Lydia was conceived, you’d accepted that. Noah was never a dad to her.

“Mama! San!” Lydia’s tiny voice shrieked out as she grabbed a fistful of sand and threw it in front of her, some of it spraying in the breeze and landing across your chest and arms. She tentatively waited for your reaction. Her eyes scanned your face, her pink cheeks pulled into an ecstatic smile. You laughed, shaking your head, and wiped the rough granules off of your skin as you nodded at her.

“Yes, sand!” You picked up a handful of it, holding it out to show her and letting it spill through your fingers. She shrieked again, excited by your intentional dropping of the sand, and jumped several times, her little legs barely able to lift her half an inch off the ground.

You’d been down at the beach in La Push almost every day now. You’d gotten settled in to the extra bedroom at the Swan’s house, and you couldn’t help but feel like a burden, so you went out with Lydia often. Charlie and Bella had insisted, several times, that they were grateful to have the two of you. That they didn’t feel burdened by your presence. A toddler definitely wasn’t the quietest or most polite house guest, but Lydia was truly the best thing you’d ever done, and you prided yourself that you’d managed to raise such a good tiny human all on your own.

She was kind, and gentle. She loved animals, she loved making new friends. She watched the world around her with curious and eager eyes, anxious to explore and see and feel. She laughed and laughed and laughed; she was the giggliest baby you’d ever seen.

Bella offered to watch her whenever you needed a break, and you hadn’t asked for one yet. She was practically begging to babysit Lydia at this point, which had surprised even her; she wasn’t much of a kid person.

You didn’t want a break. You were soaking up this time with your little one as much as you could. You felt free, for the first time in a long time.

The beach felt like home now, and Lydia seemed to think so too. Every time you walked with her down the dirt path toward the beach, she would screech and try her best to run towards the glistening ocean. You’d been at the beach now for an hour or two, and you reached into your bag to pull out more baby sunscreen for her.

“Lyd, come ‘ere babe.” You reached out, gently pulling her to you, and her eyes landed on the pink bottle of sunscreen. She knew the drill at this point, and gingerly leaned against you as you rubbed the cream across her tiny little shoulders and arms. She giggled and smiled as the cold sunscreen landed on her skin.

“Eeee!” She cried, slapping her small hands against your leg as she pulled her face away in protest to you trying to spread the sunscreen across her cheeks. She still stood in place though, squeezing her eyes shut and pouting as you rubbed it in.

“Thank you, baby. Such a good girl,” you cooed as you snapped the lid of the sunscreen closed and placed a kiss on the tip of her little nose. You continued to pepper her face with smooches until she was a screeching, giggling mess on the sand, her arms and legs flailing every which way. You tickled her, both of you laughing loud enough for the sound to travel over the noise of the rolling waves hitting the beach.

After the tickle attack came to an end, you grabbed some strawberries and blueberries from your bag, pulling open the Tupperware container and holding it out to Lydia. Her eyes lit up (strawberries are her all time fave) and she eagerly grabbed at the berries with both hands. After several minutes of snacking, her mouth and face was stained pink and red, and her fingers were sticky. The sand was still warm, although the breeze was starting to cool off a bit.

“Let’s walk, yeah Lyddi?,” you asked, getting up from your large towel and brushing the sand off of your legs. She bounced around beside the towel, falling a few times onto the soft sand as she lost her balance. You held your hand out and smiled down at her, waiting for her to meet your eyes. She reached out without hesitation, allowing you to envelope her tiny hand in yours, and let you lead her down towards the water.

You walked across the gentle waves, only going far enough so that the incoming swells flowed across your feet and ankles. With each wave hitting the shore, Lydia giggled and gripped your hand firmly, picking her feet up as quickly as she could to run from the water as it approached, only to run back towards it when it receded. You bent down, releasing her hand to skim the ocean water, wetting your fingers to clean the berry juice from her face.

As you were wiping your thumb across the soft skin of her chin, you saw her eyes flicker to something behind you, down the beach. Her gaze was intent and focused, and you glanced over your shoulder to see what managed to catch her constantly fleeting attention. A group of four tall men coming down the beach, kicking a soccer ball amongst their group. Their laughter was just reaching your ears now, and they were coming close enough that you were able to make out their faces.

They were quite large, and all but one of them were shirtless. The image rang a bell: they looked like they could be some of the Quileute boys you’d heard Bella mention were her close friends. You knew the beach was on the local Quileute reservation, but it’d been relatively empty in the days you and Lydia had been spending there, and you’d only seen random tourists walking along the beach occasionally. Bella had complained jokingly to you that these friends of hers were annoyingly always shirtless, impossibly large and tall, and that her boyfriend Edward wasn’t the biggest fan of them.

You smiled when one of them looked down the beach towards you and Lydia, and he seemed to return a polite smile at first, but his face melted into an odd expression when your eyes met. It was an indecipherable look. A look you didn’t understand.

He stopped walking, his body halting while his friends continued to move down the beach ahead of him. For a moment, it almost seemed like he was about to wave or come towards you, as if he recognized you like an old friend. The peculiar expression lingered for a moment before he pulled his eyes away quickly, and you saw his mouth moving as he seemed to speak swiftly to the men around him. His friends stopped walking as well, all turning to face him with bewildered expressions. The eye contact between you had been longer than a typical interaction with a stranger, but you felt oddly unalarmed. You were struck with an odd sensation that felt like you recognized him too.

He was the tallest of the group, his shoulders wide & strong. His frame was long and lean, and he happened to be the only one wearing a shirt, though it was a black cut off tank that didn’t cover much of his chiseled musculature underneath. You brushed the encounter off as random and probably explainable, trying to ignore the odd and unfamiliar sensation that prickled across your entire body like electricity.

You turned back to Lydia, but her curious eyes were still locked on the group behind you, wonder filling her face. A smile crept onto your lips as you watched her blink, her long lashes framing her wide eyes. She was beautiful. She was always so curious, so interested. Strangers made her nervous, like any two year old, though, which is why you were utterly bewildered when she broke away from your grasp and started toddling down the shore towards the group of men. You shot up from your lowered position, chasing after her.

“Lydia!” you called, your feet picking up pace.

It was amazing just how fast a two year old could be when they suddenly decided they had a destination in mind. You caught her under the armpit just as she almost fell across the wet sand in her run, and your knees hit the soft sand as you almost fell yourself. You panted, holding onto her and unable to stifle back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

“What the heck! Lyd-,” you started, looking up from where you grasped her. She was frozen, staring up at something.

She’d managed to close the distance between the two of you and the men, quickly enough that the soccer ball they’d been passing around as they came down the beach was only feet away now. You followed her gaze, and saw two large hands come down to swiftly pick up the ball. Your eyes moved up more still, until they landed on the face of the man you’d just locked eyes with moments before.

His gentle brown eyes were wide, his jaw slack and his expression yet again incomprehensible. You still had a smile on your face, and his eyes flicked down to your grin, the corners of his own mouth lifting up slightly. He gestured toward you with the arm that held the soccer ball.

“You’re, uh, Bella’s cousin?” The sound of his voice was rough and deep. Your grin faltered to make way for the suprised expression that came across your face.

“Oh, uh, yeah! Um, you know Bella?” You asked, taking the brief moment to get back up onto your feet and readjust the flowy fabric of your sundress that had gotten ruffled up in the capturing of your tiny escapee. You still held Lydia’s hand, and she stayed unmoving by your side, watching the tall man with the same awed expression. A grin spread across his face, and his eyes maintained the same electric glow they’d had from the moment you’d looked at him.

“Bella’s one of my best friends, yeah. She’s told me a lot about you…and… uh Lydia, right?” He spoke gently, his eyes glancing down at the tiny human to your right. You looked down at her, too, and she smiled timidly up at the man, stepping slightly behind your leg shyly. You beamed back at him, nodding and running your fingers through the soft silky baby hair on the top of Lydia’s head.

“Yeah, this is Lydia,” you replied, ruffling her hair until a soft giggle fell from her lips.

“I’m Jacob Black,” he glanced beyond him briefly and jerked his thumb over his shoulder, “those are my buddies Quil, Embry, and Jared. You’re (Y/N)?”

You glanced briefly over to the other three men, though they were now immersed in their own mumbled conservation several yards away; one of them was watching you with interest and flashed a warm smile back at you.

You nodded, turning back to Jacob.

“That’s me,” you answered with a shrug and a smile. When you met his gaze again, his eyes were intense, almost pained, his pupils wide. That electric feeling ran through you again. The eye contact between the two of you lingered each and every time it occurred, as if it was an inconvenience to pull away from it for both of you. Jacob knelt down on one knee, tucking the soccer ball under his arm. His eyes only broke away from yours to glance down at Lydia, who was still watching him intently from her place next to your leg.

“Hi, Lydia, it’s nice to meet you,” he murmured gently, “I’m Jacob.”

There was a hesitation, and you were just about to encourage Lydia to say hello to Jacob, but to your surprise she broke away from you once more, ambling across the sand and reaching her arms out towards the soccer ball Jacob held under his arm. In her uncoordinated stumbling over the sand, she started to fall forwards. Before you could even begin to reach to catch her, one of Jacob’s large hands came out in a flash to support her, stopping her mid fall.

“Woah, buddy, careful there!” He exclaimed, a chuckle coming from his chest.

At the sound of his laughter, your baby beamed up at him, her expression suddenly delighted, and after a moment, a giggle erupted from her own little body.

Your eyes widened, shocked as you watched her laugh, Jacob’s large hand still holding her up off the sand. His eyes flickered to you as you broke into surprised laughter as well, and soon the three of you were a giggling mess. Lydia adored making adults laugh. It was the phase she was currently in: to laugh at everything anyone deemed amusing, and it was common that she would even fake laugh to get you to laugh, which would often result in a real fit of hysterics from the both of you

You were astonished that she’d warmed to a stranger so quickly, especially such a large man - a category of human that toddlers tend to decide is terrifying for no reason.

As the afternoon started to bleed into evening, you and Lydia got to know your new friends. Lydia was very opposed to moving away from them, interested in the soccer ball and jumping around in the sand. Jacob continued to stare intently at you every moment that his eyes weren’t required to be on something else, and you didn’t mind it. His energy was warm and gentle, and even his friends seemed to find his behavior entertaining, chuckling and whispering to eachother every time Jacob’s eyes lingered on you for a few seconds too long. You couldn’t help but feel the heat rush to your face with his stares. You hadn’t really felt this noticed by someone, a man, in what felt like forever. And he was absolutely noticing you. He was doing more than notice you. He was ogling at you, drinking the sight of you in like fresh air for a suffocating man. His eyes turned gentle and soft whenever they fell upon Lydia, and he spent the time as the two of you spoke truly attending to her and her endless toddler games, showing earnest interest in the shells she had picked up and started to stack on one of his feet.

“Oooh, wow, now that one’s pretty. Definitely my favorite one yet.” He carefully examined the newest purple shell Lydia had found and handed to him for inspection. She smiled and clenched her fists in excitement, eagerly racing to find more shells in the sand to bring to him.

His eyes slowly found their way back to yours as you sat beside one another. You smiled softly, and he returned it, the smile reaching his eyes and crinkling them gently.

There it was again, that electricity.

Six Months Later

It had been a whirlwind, these past six months. Meeting Jacob Black had changed life entirely for you and your daughter. After that night on the beach, you, Charlie and Bella had visited the Blacks’ home a few times, joining them for bonfires and pizza dinners whenever a hockey game was on tv. Bella seemed adamant that you visit Jacob often, even Charlie seemed surprised with how eagerly she encouraged you to join them and hang out with the Quileute boys. You’d met Jacob’s father, who seemed to welcome you into his family without hesitation within moments of meeting you. He had peered at you with an intensely inquisitive expression, something that reminded you of the odd gut feeling you hadn’t been able to shake…that your new acquaintances were far more interesting than they let on. There was just something about them, and it felt like a secret club you were looking in on, one that caused the hushed, private conversations that seemed to happen frequently in their presence. You’d spoken to Bella about your encounter with her friend right after that first night on the beach. As the rest of that week had passed, Bella had begun acting suspiciously around you. Within days of her odd avoidant behavior, she finally sat you down to tell you things that challenged your perception of the world, forever.

Vampires and werewolves.

Insanity, right?

Bella had explained her relationship with Edward, and you hadn’t believed it at first.

Like, at all. Who would?

In fact, you thought she’d been completely off her rocker, crazy.

That was, until she’d claimed that Jacob had something to do with it, too.

“You need to go talk to Jacob,” she’d urged, “only he can explain what you need to know.”

You’d been absolutely confused, unsure what Jacob Black had to do with anything, especially with this absurd tale of vampires.

“I’ll watch Lydia. Go,” she’d insisted, practically pushing you out the front door. You were insanely curious; you’d never had any reason to question Bella’s mental competence before, and with her frantic efforts to get you to talk to Jacob, you had to know what this was all about. You still of course doubted the absurd story, but wanted to get to the root of the craziness, naturally.

When you’d arrived at the Black’s house, it seemed Jacob was expecting you, and he’d grabbed your hand gently, pulling you towards his little makeshift garage in the back.

You’d spent hours with him that night. Jacob had tried, while his eyes watered and his voice shook nervously, to explain the wildly unbelievable, and yet somehow completely sensical and validating reality of his ancestral destiny.

“I know, (y/n). Please, believe me, I know this sounds crazy,” he’d said as he anxiously paced across the garage, his eyes flashing to your face for your reaction.

You’d shaken your head, trying to connect the dots in your mind. It matched up with the absurd story Bella had told you, only this time he was speaking of wolves, wolves with the instinctual duty to protect from the supposed vampires Bella become involved with deeply. Wolves that were not wolves, but men. Men that included Jacob and his friends.

“Come with me,” he’d finally insisted sternly as you’d silently refused to accept the words he spoke, staring at him dumbfoundedly.

He’d led you outside, to the dark treeline, and placed his hands up in front of him before you could protest.

“Listen, I know this is gonna be hard to see, (y/n). I didn’t wanna have to do this but I need you to understand. There’s so much more to this world than you think there is. Please,” he’d begged, pulling you into a tight hug, his eyes wildly urging yours to listen to him, his shaky voice reducing to a whisper against your hair, “I understand if you never, ever want to be a part of this. But you deserve to know.”

You’d shaken your head, bewildered.

“What are you talking about, Jake?”

He stood back and started to pull his pants down, and your eyes widened, your eyebrow cocking up in confusion. A smile flashed across his lips.

“Remember what I just told you. I’d never hurt you, okay?”

Your mind flickered to the story he’d just spent the last hour telling you, but your brain simply wouldn’t allow you to defy logic to consider the possibility that the man was truly actually about to turn into a wolf.

And yet, you stood there with your jaw slacked open and your eyes wide, your body frozen as he stepped back several feet, his body twitching and trembling and twisting oddly before…

A ripping sound rang out, a wildly violent sound that came from deep within his body. The sound echoed against the trees, before it fell hauntingly silent across the dark backyard. Within less than a moment, a massive red brown wolf was standing before you, his huge head only inches away from your face.

Your mind didn’t comprehend the sight, the reality too unreal and too intangible to wrap around and understand. Those same brown eyes you’d come to know and feel safe in stared back at you intently from the massive wolf’s face.

It was the last image you remembered before you’d fallen to the ground, slipping into a shock driven unconsciousness.

When you’d woken, you had been in Jacob’s bed, an ice pack being gently repeatedly pressed to your forehead and neck.

It had been a rude awakening, but one that had forced open your eyes to a world that quickly became home for you, lifting the veil of reality that you’d come know.

Jacob’s next explanation was that of the concept of imprinting. That night, after you’d settled and moved out of your state of shock, started speaking real words again, Jacob expressed why he felt it was necessary to expose you to his world. He’d explained the ancient way of imprinting, what it meant for him, what it meant for you. That first day on the beach, the way he’d look at you, that electricity. It all made sense now.

“It’s you, (y/n). Now that you’re here, I will follow you anywhere. Even if you don’t want to be part of this, I’ll always protect you and Lydia from afar. Always. I can’t imagine a world anymore without you, a life without you. The moment I saw you, I felt it. My heart was yours,” he’d murmured, his arms around you as he rubbed your back to calm your tremors that had come across your body as you tried desperately to adjust to your entirely new concept of existence.

That felt so long ago, now. You’d met the Cullens soon after you were welcomed into the world of the supernatural, joining Bella in her secretive lifestyle of hiding the direct truth from Charlie, only letting him in on what he absolutely needed to know. Charlie was over the moon that you and Jacob got together; he pissed Bella off with how openly he approved of your relationship with Jacob over hers with Edward. Jacob didn’t feel right having you live in a spare bedroom at the Swan house, and had practically demanded you move into a home on the reservation with him. He’d jokingly insisted that it wasn’t his fault, that the imprint had forced him to need you in his sight at all times. You didn’t resist, elated to finally feel welcome in a home with your Lydia. And it wasn’t hard - Jacob made that incredibly simple. He so openly loved Lydia nearly as much as he loved you. Sometimes, you wondered how deeply the imprinting had impacted him. He accepted it and took it on with respect. He never pressured you to be anything but there, in his life. He didn’t seem to mind in the slightest or even really notice how slowly you were allowing him into your heart. The relationship you had with Jacob had begun as a deep and true friendship, but the imprint connection was impossible to ignore, and there was undeniable attraction you felt for him, even beyond his beautifully kind heart and spirit. You held hands constantly, even before you’d established any sort of romantic connection. The first night Jacob had kissed you, you’d expressed your hesitation at pulling him into your life. You’d gotten used to men not wanting much to do with a single mom, after Noah had made it clear that you and Lydia were essentially a burden in his life. You were scared, not only for your own heart, but for Lydia’s. You couldn’t bear to bring another man into her life only for him to reject her like her father had. But Jacob? He’d adamantly refused to let your anxieties overcome you. He loved you, he’d insisted. All of you. Lydia was part of you. So, he loved her. It was that simple to him. He was often just as anxious when Lydia was out of his sight as when you were.

You remember the first time Lydia had called Jake ‘Dada’, several months after you’d been exposed to this world of fantasy. Lydia had gotten so comfortable with him, more comfortable than she’d been with any person, besides you, before. She babbled with excitement every time she heard you or Charlie or Bella mention him, and begged to see him frequently. Once you’d moved into the small red house with Jacob, she’d jump and squeal every time his truck pulled into the driveway at the end of the day.

That day she first said the word, you’d nervously glanced at his face, searching for his response.

She’d been holding his hand, walking along the shore at La Push. It was winter by this point, but Lydia needed her regular beach walk, and was bundled in her tiny red puffer jacket and white hat. She’d stooped down to pick up a shell, gripping it in her small fist, and jerked her hand out to him, dropping the shell into his hand.

“Dada!” She’d squealed as she waited for his approval of the shell.

His eyes had lit up and an expression of utter shock, which had quickly shifted into ecstatic bliss, moved across his features. His eyes had flashed to yours, and he clearly struggled, with everything in him, to hold back a massive grin. He was unsure of your reaction. Your eyes had melted back at him, and you were completely unable to resist the smile that crossed your lips. His dark eyes had turned glossy, and he’d looked back down at Lydia’s impatiently waiting face as she’d stared up at him, grasping the shell and embracing her in a massive bear hug. She’d laughed and shrieked, wrapping her tiny arms around his neck.

At Lydia’s 2nd birthday party, the whole pack had celebrated with you and Jacob at Billy’s house. The rest of the boys had happily taken on the role of proud uncles, practically fighting over who could hold her whenever you brought her over.

Life was peaceful, and you’d taken on a job at the La Push Farmer’s market. Childcare was a breeze now: on any given day while you were at work, either Sue & Charlie or Emily would eagerly babysit Lydia if Jacob was out on patrol or working his shift as a mechanic at the local bike shop. Lydia now had a family that was larger and more loving than you could have ever dreamed for her.

And you couldn’t ignore the fateful gift that you’d received too. Jacob Black was yours, and you were his. And you knew that, without a single doubt, he’d protect you and your daughter with relentless fervor for the rest of your lives.

You were safe. You were loved.

You were home.

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

Donatello's First Love—Splinter's Talk

mostly bayverse, could be 2003 if you squint hard enough. did it a little different with this one compared to the others :0 word count: 1.6k

Spanning his messy corner of the Lair, Donnie's many monitors mounted to the wall were alight with a blue glow. The same few camera feeds rotated between the locations outside of their home and other places, monitoring, and allowing surveillance to take a backseat in his mind while he worked. At his desk, he gently squeezed a pipette into the mouth of a breaker, waiting for the reaction he was looking for to occur. 

"Interesting," he mumbled to himself, "I wonder what happens if I were to supercool the mixture." 

He placed the substance in a tray and prepared another batch, this time, much more concentrated. There wasn't much to do around the house besides experiment with the materials he'd salvaged. That was fine; he enjoyed the process, and filling notebooks—and his walls—to the brim with chemical equations, notes and mathematics that hardly anyone but he could read. 

Careful with his large fingers to not drop the pipette, he sucked a few drops up from the test tube, going in to add to the mixture. He squinted, almost there. And then the startling alarm pinged on the screen next to him, making him jump and squirt the chemical on his work surface. He quickly wiped up and looked over at the computer. "'Motion detected: [y/n]'s apartment complex'," the screen read, switching camera feeds to one of the multiple tiny cameras he had set up. He only put cameras where he thought it mattered; he was paranoid about an ambush, and even more so at her place than theirs, now that she was coming and going from the Lair. The likelihood of their enemies finding out her association with them was about a fifty-seven percent chance, fifty percent too much for Donnie.

He scanned the monitor for signs of anything suspicious, but it turned out to be only a friend dropping by with a key to put a package inside, with [y/n]'s permission. 

"Oh," he muttered, suddenly feeling silly. He made sure the person left her apartment—and locked it back—before quickly switching the feed. That was his one secret nobody had managed to catch him out on yet. Even so, he felt slick and a little guilty for spying. But, justifiably, they needed to know if she ever was in danger! He dismissed the notification and rotated the feeds manually. "Whoops. Sorry, [y/n]...yeah, I'll just switch that back." 

He shuffled around to resume his work titrating. Except Splinter stood curiously behind the desk, eyes trained close on the monitors, and then Donnie. Donnie flinched—Splinter usually didn't come in or near his lab. In fact, none of his family normally bothered him when he had his nose in his work, because none of them understood it. Not even Leo bothered to try to get the details. The details went over their heads. 

"So, Donatello, what is it you are working on?"

"Oh, Master Splinter," Donnie greeted him, glancing back to make sure the monitor was no longer on the door to her apartment. He picked up the pipette and test tube he'd knocked over before, "What is it?"

"Refer back to my last question," Splinter replied. He leaned calmly against his cane and looked all around the cluttered lab. Notes taped, tacked, even glued to walls. A whiteboard full of impossible equations, various pieces of technology in disrepair he'd picked up from trash and things going to recycling. Quite the mess, but Donnie knew where everything was. Splinter cocked his head slightly. "What disorganization," he commented.

"Disorganized to you," Donnie corrected with a smile, "but I can find anything I'm looking for—it's actually 'unorganized', implies that it never was organized. The definition of 'disorganized' suggests that something once was organized but now isn't, but I never once had this place in order," he rambled. 

"Donatello," Splinter interrupted. Once his son got talking, it was hard to stop him. He just had to interject to get a word in. "What is it you are doing? You have been very unfocused lately. This is strange for you."  

"Unfocused" was an understatement. With a mind already running miles per minute, he was getting caught up in his own head. Getting his work station back to a functional state, he set up his tube tray, answering, "Titrating these and writing out their chemical equations. The brain's like a muscle, gotta exercise it and stay sharp," he said. And with all that sharpness, he was only half-suspicious as to why Splinter was suddenly interested in what he was doing. 

Splinter nodded. "Then I must not have seen miss [y/n]'s apartment complex on your screen. Carry on." 

Donnie froze, watching Splinter out of the corner of his hazel eyes. His stomach dropped. So, it was one secret—they weren't going to understand, he was just as protective of their home, too! What if she couldn't call the police, or even them in time if someone broke in? Her apartment wasn't in a good area, Donatello already didn't like that. What if someone grabbed her? He couldn't put his mind at ease without knowing. 

"I—well, this was a recent development, you see," Donatello stuttered, fidgeting with the purple wraps around his hands. He realized then how weird it all looked and panicked. He'd never meant for it to go this far; his cautionary measures just kept escalating more and more with his feelings for her. "I swear, it's just outside of her place! I would never put a camera in her apartment, that would be creepy, and way overstepping," he explained. "I told her I'd always look out for her and that she can count on me."

"Oh, I suppose it's no problem, then, since she gave you such consent," Splinter said, looking away momentarily to scratch his chin. His eyes snapped back over to his anxious son and popped a hairy brow up as he knocked the end of his cane on the floor to grab his attention further. "Is that right, Donatello?" 

He wanted to go into his shell. I'm busted, this is not good. "Don't tell her! So, I, um…I didn't exactly…" The thought trailed off. He didn't need to finish that sentence for both of them to know. 

"Precisely my point. Now that we have made that clear, would you like to tell me what this is really about?" 

"No! I mean, I will, since you're asking, but—agh, I swear, I'm not a creep," he said. "I just wanted to make sure she'd be okay. That's it." 

Splinter crossed behind his desk, slipping an arm around his son's shell. Donnie wanted to pull away. "Come with me. Let's take a walk." 

He led them out of the Lair into the tunnels outside their home. They could loop around easily and end up back at the Lair, and Splinter knew Donnie was going to resist talking if the others could be around to hear. Sometimes, you must play on other people's terms, he thought, listening to the quiet drip echo as they ambled through the sewer. He figured it was time to do a little damage control, although he normally pledged not to interfere with his sons and them making their mistakes. However, he didn't want to see Donatello make a potentially hazardous one to himself. 

"Now, you must understand, my son, you cannot know everything at once," Splinter said, avoiding an accusatory tone. "You have a brilliant mind, but you certainly don't tend to see the obvious." 

"What do you mean, master?" Donnie questioned. The "obvious" being under any other circumstances, his actions would definitely be seen as "creepy". The notion flew right under his radar as something to worry about, as their circumstances were anything but normal. 

"Of course, you are a young man, you want to watch out for the one you love," Splinter pointed out. Donnie cringed, even though he hasn't made much of an attempt to hide that fact. He was excited to explore something new, why should he have hidden thos feelings? He didn't shout them to the world. But it was well-known among their family that he'd beaten his brothers to the punch when it came to her, and no going for it was an unwritten but understood boundary. Still, this wasn't a conversation he was prepared for have tonight; his mind was still back at his lab.

"About everyone but Michelangelo has noticed you've been retreating to your lab more often recently." He chuckled. "And your antics around her are obvious, again. Loosen your grip a little. You are annoying your brothers vying for her attention." 

Donnie felt a rush of embarrassment come over him. Yes, he was showy—expressive, maybe too quick to whisk her away to demonstrate his new inventions, the stuff he'd discovered. Donnie knew he could hyperfixate on and obsess over things; she was on his mind more than not. As for annoying his brother, he wasn't the strongest, but he was the smartest. He was much more eager with his staff and putting his siblings back in their lane when she was around. The electric component on his weapon came in handy for quick corrections, and goofing around. 

Through all of that, he remembered having a moment of clarity when she was inspecting his computer setup one night and the camera almost flickered to hers, to which he scrambled to shut it off. Conveniently, he brushed that aside. 

Donnie lifted his goggles, rubbing his face sheepishly. "I guess you're right," he admitted. 

"The things you do for love," Splinter shook his head. "Be sure you do not push her away by accident. You are fortunate I had the mind to come talk to you about this before you made a mistake and a fool of yourself. Consider it a fair warning," he said as he looked over at his son, who waited quietly for him to continue, "to not overstep." 

"I understand, loud and clear." 

Splinter nodded in agreement, "Good. I trust you will take this advice well. You have a good heart and good intentions, Donatello, do not be clouded by your mind. Your brain is not your only quality."

"Thanks, master Splinter. I'll let up on it," Donnie relented with a small smile. He was still uncomfortable, feeling a bit dumb. He always was so caught up on making predictions, keeping everything running smoothly and safely that he didn't always consider how that worked for other people. Just because it made sense to him, didn't mean it made sense to them. Note that for later, Donatello, he reminded himself. He turned around to head back to the Lair. 

Splinter stopped to take in a little sunlight from the grate above his head, stopping Donnie in his tracks. "Oh, and Donatello," he called. 

"Yeah?" 

Splinter assumed parental status, and Donnie knew that scolding tone all too well. "Tell her about it, or turn that damned camera off." 

~wooOoOOOoooOooOooo partitionnnnnnn~

Side rant: I actually hate it when people portray Donnie (except for 2012 iterations) as shy and unconfident. He is literally the opposite in 2003 and Bayverse. Donatello is not "a little baby uwu" and I'm tired of people making him look so meek 😭

[snaillock]

could I pls ask for a boyfriend's Nagi x male reader? like him having a weakness for the reader and being like a puppy with him? idk if I'm explaining myself idk how to put it in words 😭 I love blue lock and there's almost no x male reader with them so I'm excited to find this sorry 😓

nagi x male!reader

AHHH my first request!! tysm for asking i would love to make this! i also got curious and only found like three nagi x male readers (two of which were smuts that i was too uncomfortable to read☠️) but don't worry im here to save the day. this also ended up being a lot longer than expected but still really hope you enjoy!! ^^

tags: male reader, sad nagi backstory moment, me getting too carried away with build up again

you were one of the few people who didn’t look at nagi like he was some anomaly. while others in your school would steer clear and gossip about him behind his back, you were one of the only people who spoke to him and treated him like an actual person and not some freak of nature

you would try to talk to him in class but he wouldn’t talk back (since “talking is such a pain”) so you assumed you were bothering him and eventually stopped.

nagi eventually noticed you wouldn’t talk to him in class anymore and it didn’t bother him at first. but eventually he finds himself missing it and would make the rare effort of trying to initiate conversations with you.

that led to you guys talking every day during class. the more you two spoke, the more you realized how much you had in common with him. you soon asked him if he wanted to come over to hang out.

he usually rejects any hang-out offers from literally anyone. though when you asked him if he wanted to come over to your place to play video games together, he accepted because he found you to be less of a hassle to be around compared to others.

when he came over, he realized he actually really enjoys being around you and had fun spending his time playing games with you. he even took a look around your room to admire all the things you’ve collected that represent your personality and interests. this only made him more captivated by you and wanted to be much closer friends

now for the exciting part

once some time has passed and you two got closer, you soon find out he’s a shamelessly clingy person both emotionally and physically.

whenever he would see you, he randomly wraps his arms around you and latch onto you. he hates being forced to let go whenever you two have to go to class.

he gives absolutely zero fucks about being publicly affectionate with another guy in school, paying no mind to the weird stares and whispers

he constantly wants to stay over at your place and when you come over to his for the first time, he introduces you to choki (a hugeeee moment for him trust me)

nagi truly loves being with you. at first, he didn’t care about being an outcast until you showed up in his life and showed him what true friendship and love was like

soon his feelings for you as a friend develops into something much more unfamiliar before he can realize it. falling in love was definitely a new experience for nagi and falling in love with you specifically was a slow delicate process

he definitely didn’t realize for a while that he likes you in that way until he finds himself admiring you as you somehow have soft lighting all over your face and pink flowers and hearts circling your head (all in his imagination my boy is completely whipped). he then thinks, “hmm this feels like one of the shojo mangas i’ve read befo- ohhhhh!”

once the initial shock is over, he’s already bold enough to confess to you quickly after. i can imagine him suddenly telling you how he feels in the most random scenario ever.

it would be so out of nowhere. you guys could be out walking in the park. you casually sip out of your bottle when he nonchalantly says, “wanna be my boyfriend?” with his signature neutral face, making you choke and cough on your water.

he would then elaborate on how much he likes you with the plainest face ever like it was a regular tuesday conversation. the one difference is the light flush on his cheeks and you can definitely tell that he truly means all of it. so once you stopped coughing, you obviously accept his confession

if you thought he was already pretty damn clingy prior to you two becoming a couple, then be prepared for that to increase tenfold

holding hands isn’t enough for him, ideally he needs to be super glued onto you permanently for the rest of his life

you guys are definitely the couple people gag at when they see you both curled up cuddling each other in the hallway.

once again, he gives absolutely no shits. he needs to show off what an amazing boyfriend he has so he’ll never tone it down on the pda

on the very very rare occurrence that you're not with him and you happened to be talking to someone else in the hallway, he sees this and immediately gets a little possessive. so he walks up right behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his head on you. you assume he's just being needy again and find it cute, completely unaware of how he's now glaring deep into that person’s soul from over your shoulder. i mean you’re his man and his man only so everyone needs to know.

he requires you to pet and run your fingers through his hair for a low minimum for uhhh 2000 times a day. you swear that he purrs every time you do it but when you try to listen out for another one, he already fell asleep on your shoulder

whenever you guys are cuddling either at his dorm or your place, he just lays his entire body weight onto you like a heated blanket while resting his head on your shoulder with your fingers carded through his hair. if you try to gently nudge him off so you can get up and use the bathroom, he audibly whines and eventually relents. he totally tries to follow you into the bathroom after that.

whenever you compliment or praise him, he looks totally unaffected but internally, he’s jumping around screaming. meanwhile, he will randomly drop the most endearing and beautiful arrangement of words at you in a completely neutral voice and just move on with his day like you didn’t just witness the most flattering thing you’ve ever heard.

loves whenever you randomly grab his chin and give him a short but very sweet kiss.

nah actually scratch that. nagi loves kisses from you anytime anywhere. fleeting cheek kisses before you both head to class. kisses on his forehead as you hold him close under the covers. drawn out victory kisses you both finally finish a difficult match together. no matter what it is, he always helplessly melts into each one.

before you appeared in nagi's life, his world was just one big dull pain he simply had to push through every day. now that he had you by his side, he finally had the motivation to get out of bed every day.

[ofstardustanddreaming]

curves

headcanon summary: gale dating a curvy reader

content warnings: some mentions of insecurity

fandom: baldur's gate 3

character: gale dekiros x reader

female reader

anon request (thanks for this request, i always love a good body positivity fic!)

gale loves any type of body, don't even try to change my mind around here. when you catch his eye, it feels like his breath has been taken away. he always tries to find the time to get to know you and try to get any indication across that he wants to date you. he always hangs around you and always tries to be your camp partner in various camp activities, or tries to partner with you in various fights across your journey.

he's captivated by your beauty and personality, and he earnestly tries to get your attention, hoping his looks and personality would catch your attention as well. he would always talk about interesting facts he's heard about, and it worries him that he's rambling to you and it's boring you, but when he catches you looking at him with genuine interest, he finds his breath catching in his throat.

both of you have your insecurities that prevent you from asking each other out, thinking the other person couldn't possibly want them. hearing so much about what people had to say about gale's rambling, he was worried that might deter you from his personality, and hearing what many had to say about your body, you were worried he be deterred from your looks.

and it's not to say you look bad! but unfortunately society likes to stick its claws into beauty standards, and it always made you worried about how you should present yourself around people. it made you worried about any lingering looks your way. which is why you were always conscious of yourself whenever gale looked your way for longer than a few seconds or whenever he looked so intently at you whenever you were speaking to each other.

yet, you both still got along very well and you knew that gale was a good friend. and you found yourself wanting more than a friendship after a while, and so did he. you were both just so insecure and caught up with yourselves, your nerves weren't allowing you guys to confess quite yet.

but it's okay, because many members had to witness the two of you dancing around your feelings, and were frankly getting sick of the dance after a while. wyll, karlach, and astarion were hatching their plan to push you together, with some encouragement from halsin, shadowheart, and lae'zel. the latter wanted you together, but knew the previous might be better for the planning and the execution.

but they had managed to concoct a plan to get you to confess to each other, and it was sweet. you both had a private moment in the woods, where gale was showing you a knew trick he was learning, and you finally confessed. "i like you a lot. i'd really like a relationship."

that's what you told him, intently looking at his trick still, to nervous to look at his reaction. but he turns you towards him, his hand drifting down towards your hip. "i like you too and that relationship sounds wonderful. i was certain there was no feelings from your end, i thought my rambling may have gotten to you." he sayid, shyly glancing down and then back at your face.

"oh, i love learning about anything you've learned about. if anything, i thought you may have not been attracted to my body. it's usually the first thing someone has to say in my experience." you feel like you're about to curl into yourself, worried he might agree with what those in the past have said.

"i really think you're one of the most attractive woman i've seen, truth be told. i've found you breath taking since the first time i've set my eyes on you. you've enchanted me, body and all." he says, grabbing you closer by the waist, and you both tentatively kiss each other, which turns into a passionate kiss in itself over the course of the next few minutes.

but yeah, gale is absolutely the kind of partner to listen to any insecurities you may have about being curvier/plus sized. but he will absolutely shut those insecurities down, ensuring that your body size is one of the first things he was enraptured by, to only be sealed by your personality, and he found love in you. which is one of the important things he values, and he assures you your body could not turn him away from finding what he loves. gale is a sweetheart when it comes to building confidence up in yourself. and i won't be hearing otherwise lol.

[cyb3rtarot]

A Peep Into the New Year: 2024 Pick a Pile

Disclaimer: Happy New Year! We’re looking at something to reflect on from the closed year, experiences you may have this year, and a theme for 2024. The experiences are not necessarily in chronological order! Tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice. I’m reading what I see and feel in the current energy, which can change. Your thoughts, energy, and actions are what creates destiny, not the reading!

pile 1⛧pile 2⛧pile 3 pile 4⛧pile 5⛧pile 6

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Pile 1:

Something to Reflect On [Nine of Swords rx, Keeping Up]: hello pile one! You guys really struggled with mental health or neurodivergence last year or for a few years leading up to this year. You may have adopted a defeatist attitude or found it incredibly hard to progress in life. Day to day tasks to take care of yourself may have been difficult. Reflect on the ways you have faced this challenge, even when it seemed impossible. Some of this pile has overcome this. For example, if you had depression, you may no longer be depressed (or it’s not as severe). Others of you are still fighting, but you’ve still exerted a great effort to keep afloat and face anxieties. You should pat yourselves on the back for the ways you’ve advanced—the ways you’ve kept yourself alive even when it was hard. There is a forward momentum you’re carrying into the new year, and it was created with much effort.

A Peep into the New Year… 

You guys will be presented with something from the past, and you will have to choose whether to invest your energy into it. This could be people, past situations you never got closure on, environments, and especially habits. The main thing about this opportunity is that it seems like you guys’ first thought will be to jump back into it. Maybe it “feels” right so you don’t think about it much, or you’re so used to doing it that you just go right along with it the second you get the chance. This situation seems very interesting from your perspective; there’s a strong pull towards it. The cards are not really indicating that this is a definite good or bad thing, it seems neutral or like it can go either way. The card to especially focus on is “impulsiveness.” Regardless of whether this is good or bad, make sure to think about your actions before agreeing to anything (Tiwaz emphasizes making sound decisions). Reflect on ingrained habits and thought patterns that you feed into without a second thought. Impulsiveness can also refer to the nature of the situation; an opportunity may come out of nowhere. How we invest our energy determines who we are and how we grow. We are more likely to remain in old mindsets when we constantly give energy to what has already ended, and only you can decide what from your past belongs in the future. [Impulsiveness (Mars in Aries, 1st house), Curiouser and Curiouser, the World rx, Uncertainty rx, Tiwaz rune]

For some time , you may find yourself absorbed in spirituality or developing new beliefs (for many of you this has already started). This seems like a positive change, however it may take up a lot of your time. You may use your inner or spiritual world as an escape; many of you feel dependent or stifled in a situation. You are being encouraged to dream big (for physical reality too), and use this time to thoroughly plan for life and yourself. Make sure there is a balance between being absorbed in your inner world, and sometimes coming out of that shell to make your dreams real. At some point in this journey you may feel very restless, and that can prompt some of the impulsive behavior mentioned above. Don’t judge yourself for moving too “slowly” or having big dreams, but still make an honest effort towards balancing those dreams/beliefs with reality. You’re also encouraged to maintain balance in how this plays out in your relationships. Don’t despair if someone doesn’t understand you, but also don’t take someone’s word as gospel just because you feel an affinity with them. [Vision (Sun in Pisces, 12th house), Use Your Time Well rx, nine of pentacles sideways, Justice] 

There’s a lot of hope and knowledge surrounding you this year. You’ll be interested in making dreams reality and will want to pursue something new for yourself. I say “for yourself” as there’s an emphasis on this being centered around you. You may approach things with the best-case scenario in mind; this will serve you well. There’s opportunity to be recognized as an individual or for something you do, or this is a hope of yours. There may be interest in physically going somewhere to seize this opportunity (more so farther destinations or longer trips). You will be geared towards learning new things (especially in higher ed or a similar place), working towards recognition of your skills, or starting a personal project. If there are issues at home, I see you or your relatives remaining positive in the face of this adversity (this may also be a familial opportunity, or a family member might receive public attention). You may feel a little lost [in the sauce]. If you’ve delved into spirituality, you might feel disconnected or unsure of your new beliefs. This could be a period where you have to focus on your own ingenuity, wits, and can-do rather than giving it all to your belief system. This can also apply to family. There may be decreased communication with them, or someone moving away. However confusing, this is a more fortunate period of the year. [Optimism (Moon in Sagittarius, 9th house), the Moon, Nature Communication rx, Publicity (Jupiter in Leo, 5th house)]

Overall Theme for the New Year [the Empress, Defense (Mars in Taurus, 2nd house]: the year is going to put you in situations where you’ll have to sit in your confidence and inner security—or develop this—especially to hone impulse control. There are tangible blessings to experience, but you may find yourself being questioned or challenged by those around you, and you yourself may feel antsy to get what you want right away. Rely on your endurance and resilience to get through uncertainties or challenges as you go towards your goals. 

The Empress dons her armor with her few loyal knights by her side. Though she is under siege, she rides into battle smiling. Victory is obviously in her hand. After many bloody hours, the sun sets on the quieted field. The Empress stands tall on her hill, ever smiling, ever the empress, barely scathed. The sun glints off her helmet as it settles beneath the horizon.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): an ex contacting you or trying to rekindle, old friends wanting to hang out, going back to places you used to frequent, snooping on or investigating someone’s social media, someone from the past starting an argument or pettiness against you,  sudden travel opportunity (especially for school), living with parents or a partner, wanting to move out, pressure to get a job, spiritual scammers/predatory spiritual teachers, family strife, getting accepted into a program, publishing art or research, seeking a career in the arts/academia/spirituality, a new spiritual practice or a leap in pre-existing abilities (especially divination and clairvoyance), meditating frequently, interpreting dreams or lucid dreaming, family on the news, building your portfolio or resume

Extra Details: a change in sleep patterns (going both ways, some could be sleeping less due to increased energy and some of you are finally resting more after a period of poor sleep), mental hospitals, marine biology, Jupiter or Mars as a very prominent planet in the natal or 2023/24 solar return chart, bright colored eyes, high hopes, charm casting, spiritual businesses, loves cartoons or wants to be an animator, brothers, the Star may be a significant card for you or both 2023 + 2024 may be very healing years, moving to a coastal/lakeside area (or wanting to), 12th house profection yr

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Pile 2:

Something to Reflect On [Acquisition (Sun in Taurus, 2nd house), the Star]: hi pile two! You can reflect on how your relationship to the physical world has changed. It seems finances or another form of physical comfort was a big focus last year. You’ve either made big strides in these areas or you’ve done healing work on your mindset (for example, focusing on gratitude and optimism about what you have and want). This could refer to your body as well, if you’ve healed or learned better ways to cope with a condition. Or, it could refer to how you physically relate to others, in any kind of affectionate relationship. Now’s a time to see how changes in your outlook have granted you comfort and opportunity, and congratulate yourselves for any big gains. Many of you have sacrificed other parts of your life for this, and now it’s time to focus on how you can increase wellbeing in all areas instead of just the physical.

A Peep into the New Year…:

Some of the year will be particularly good for work or school. You will naturally excel in these or things will flow more smoothly. Especially if you have to pay attention to a lot of details, or if you provide a service to others. However, you may feel disconnected from your environment. For many of you, this refers to the natural environment, but it could also refer to the world or other environments you frequent. This will be a natural byproduct of whatever you’re pursuing at the time (school/work/etc). You could feel trapped or restless, possibly wanting to quit. If this is referring to the world at large, you may feel guilty or defeatist, like no humanitarian or environmental efforts you do will ever be enough. It’s important to take care of your mental health—much of this is from anxiety rather than reflecting the world around you. Bringing something natural into your home/workplace could be beneficial (plants, stones, seashells etc), as well as decorating with things from home if you feel homesick. You may enjoy gardening (especially veggies). Find parks or natural areas where you are, or spend time intentionally finding things you like about your surroundings. If you feel stuck at home rather than away from it, any small thing to change your scenery could help (going outside more, switching your lounging area, etc). Some of you may feel disappointed if you can’t make a long trip somewhere, but consider if a short trip is possible. If you feel humanitarian guilt, volunteering with an immediate, tangible effect can be encouraging (litter cleanup/soup kitchens etc). [Discrimination (Venus in Virgo, 6th house), Nature Communication rx, the Wheel of Fortune, Eight of Swords]

You guys are giving imposter syndrome. You may be in a learning environment where you feel like you don’t belong. You’ll go through the motions and try to adapt through every situation. You might feel like you have to keep your wits about you or always be prepared to say the “right” thing to keep up an image. This can make you feel out of control. But, you’re supposed to be learning; you’re not supposed to know everything. Allow yourself space to grow and make mistakes; don’t depend on someone else to give that or take it away. Feeling anxious or uneasy during a learning curve is natural and doesn't mean you’re a fraud or bad person. Most everyone experiences this. Establish a sense of inner security, or take time to remind yourself of things you’ve aced. For a lot of you, this may be about intimacy; you may feel nervous about navigating closeness with another. You may be more likely to notice everything you’re doing wrong or feel awkward about your performance in the relationship. Communicate with your partner! With the Influence card, your words may come across particularly sweet or sensical during this time, so don’t be afraid  to talk about how you feel (whether with a partner, coworkers, teachers, peers, etc). You can learn much from others. [Bluff (Jupiter in Gemini, 3rd house), the Emperor rx, Kenaz, Influence (Mercury in Libra, 7th house)]

Finally, I see this pile going through an extremely transformative period. This seems to not be from anything directly identifiable; you may not be able to place where this transformation started or what spurred it. This is likely an internal change (that’s not to say external ones won’t also occur, but the cards are pointing to your inner world). You might wake up one day and realize you’re very different, or that you’re changing but don’t know why. This transformation could be centered around your beliefs or self concept. For example, you may feel like you’re stepping into your power, or like you’ve remembered who you and the people around you are. For those that believe in past lives, you may remember a pattern that’s played out in other lives, or you may remember someone in this life has been with you in another. For many of you this could be influenced by a relationship, but mostly, this is about some change of power within you. The cards are neutral; this can play out in any way.  Because of the “manipulation” card, it’s important to make sure that others are not taking away your freedoms and that you’re maintaining a sense of authority over yourself. You may not notice a change at first, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take control of the transformation once you do see it. [Manipulation (Jupiter in Scorpio, 8th house), Choices rx, Eight of Wands sideways, Past Lives/(the Moon)]

Overall Theme for the New Year [Status (Jupiter in Taurus, 2nd house), ten of swords rx]: if last year was focused on material security then I see this continuing in the upcoming year. Either way, the year will bring attention to your physical world and the blessings it has to offer. You will not only be focused on security, but also be prompted to enjoy what you have already created, especially if you began projects, jobs, studies, or other ambitions last year. You may find more comfort in material things than usual, such as a lot of shopping or eating new foods (it may be easy to overindulge!). Many of you are on the younger side getting your first “real” or serious job, so this may be excitement caused by a stable source of income. There is recognition for what you tangibly contribute to your environment. You will be valued in the groups you’re in or will feel empowered to find such a space. If your job or studies involve a lot of verbal speaking (such as public speaking, pitching ideas), this in particular could be very beneficial or encouraged (this makes some of you anxious, it’s ok!). However, this extends to all forms of communication. If you are in a committed relationship, your partner may also experience similar blessings. Make sure to clearly communicate with them and keep an eye on power dynamics in the relationship. This year will prompt you to re-evaluate what you’ve carried from your past, though I feel this is the distant past. Like mindsets you started developing in childhood, but this can extend to past lives if you believe in them.

The monarchs stand on the balcony of their castle. On one side they can see a vast green hill rolling towards the woods. On the other side, their small but stunning kingdom. Their hearts swell, because they have built this kingdom with their own two hands. They have helped put the people’s homes together, they have farmed food themselves. It has not always been easy to safeguard a kingdom against the shifting forces of nature, but they’ve done it. Dawn illuminates the fruit of their labor.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): missing your hometown, living in an urban area/spending all day indoors and wishing to be in nature, troubles going back home (for example, wanting to go back but your family telling you to keep at it), living on your own for the first time (especially at a distance from family, some are wanting to study abroad), volunteering, mutual aid, community work, humanitarian jobs (non-profit?), crystals (some of you do a spiritual practice with crystals at night?), feeling uncertain about beliefs, working on a team or group project, relationship or work anxiety, a “frog in pot” situation (a situation that degrades so slowly that you don’t notice), recognition in school or work, changing your self beliefs & self concept, a change to self esteem, past life memories/spiritual work, working on relationship confidence, developing parts of yourself you’ve neglected (especially anything set aside while working on physical security), big life events that are outside your control but have a direct impact on you, career/academic advancement/promotion, internships, a work crush or relationship from a job (careful lol), or a relationship with someone you once worked with, visiting loved ones at work, nostalgia or deja-vu

Extra Details: basketball, football, STEM or business (for STEM i’m getting technology or tech-business), family home is two stories and/or on a property with a large yard/backyard, recognizing people from past lives, fairytale love, Mercury as a prominent planet in your profection year or solar return, a romantic or intimate relationship carrying over from this year to the next, manifestation/law of assumption, friend or partner who works as an artist, some of you like the little mermaid or mermaid stories (or you feel like Ariel), a partner in a noticeably higher position/financial status than you and may live with them (you guys in particular should pay attention to power dynamics)—yall please LEAVE if somebody “decides” you should not talk to or go out with your friends & family (even if those people are bothersome to you that’s YOUR decision to make)

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Pile 3:

Something to Reflect On [Investigate, Justice sideways]: hello pile three! You are being called to evaluate how you allocate your energy. Most of this pile puts a ton of energy into specific tasks to the point where they don’t have a lot left for themselves or other areas. Specifically, I am getting most of you may be taken advantage of by the people in your life, and that this isn’t something you readily notice. This varies per individual. People might ask a lot of favors from you, and because you think it’s your duty or obligation, you always fulfill them. Maybe this is a family member who expects you to always be there to do certain tasks no matter what you have going on (a lot of you seem to have a really stern guardian figure). This could be a partner who places a lot of emotional or domestic burdens on you. It could be a workplace. Whatever the situation, the main message here is to think about it, but then reflect on it again. I think a lot of you aren’t as critical of this behavior as you could be, which is why you have to really evaluate if the ways you spend energy are detrimental to other areas of life. As Justice is sideways, some of you are not necessarily in such a situation, but now is a good time for you to evaluate how balanced you really are. Either way, you are also being prompted to really think about what you’re going to do if adjustments are needed; don’t fly off the handle or impulsively react.

A very specific message is some of you may be victims of shady or criminal behavior (already happened). I’m not getting anything huge, but you’re asked to really find the facts of the situation and not blindly accept convenient stories. Some of you may live with others and may have noticed a lot of your items or money going missing? I don’t usually write out the phrases on the oracle cards, but yours says: “look closely, ask questions, think before acting.” Some of you may be part of ongoing investigations, in which case this is referring to that. 

A Peep into the New Year…: 

There is a mental transformation, almost an awakening of sorts. This will be a development of your inner guidance, intuition, or sense. You will be pushed to see that you can in fact trust yourself, and that you have enough wisdom (or the capacity to develop it) to navigate life with your own will. The imagery on the cards with your rune suggests an integration. I feel this part of your mind has always been present, however you may be the kind of person to frequently second guess yourself or to think your own ideas/advice inferior to others (or perhaps others have tried to mentally dominate you and replace your ideas with theirs). Whatever your situation, your inner “knowing” and wisdom will be coming forth to join your conscious decision-making skills. But, it seems you will mentally resist this, or that this period may be confusing to you. You may feel scatter-brained, anxious, or confused a lot (if this becomes very distressing then I encourage you to access any accessible mental health resources). Perhaps you feeling this way is actually what is going to trigger the transformation. You will need to give yourself a lot of grace to evolve your mind. You may try to logically find solutions to problems or continue using old thought patterns, but this period is going to push different ways of thinking you're not used to. For example, if you always try to make very rational choices, you may need to think creatively or factor in gut feelings to arrive at a good decision. You may find yourself being questioned by those close to you who don’t understand your thinking, and this may require diplomatic communication. Overall, your mental activities can guide you to a good place, but it’s a matter of trusting your own guidance—even if others belittle your ability to think for yourself. [Flattery (Venus in Gemini, 3rd house), Guidance, Dagaz, Queen of Swords rx]

I feel this experience is related to the above and for many it will co-occur; I also see a period where you have mental resistance up. The ideals, compromises, and decisions you have chosen to live with will be under a magnifying glass. Mental routine and comfort will be challenged as you re-evaluate what your beliefs are, especially about yourselves. What are your values, what can you endure to live a more fulfilling life? Some of you have a tendency to get or stay in situations where external forces (mainly people) have a lot of control over your life; codependency. If so, this energy is related to that, especially if this describes your family life. There’s a lot of stubborn or slow-moving energy here; many of you may try to dismiss the questions or changes that are knocking at your door. You may use the physical to distract you, like your daily routine or job. At the same time, if you aspire to change, you may have to defend yourself against others a lot. This could encourage that slow-moving energy, as you may feel tense if challenged by others. Overall, this is a time of endurance. Allow slow, steady adjustments to your mindset + reality as you determine who you are and what you want. [Resistance (Mercury in Taurus, 2nd house), Forget Who You Are rx, I Want to Be a Queen rx, seven of wands]

Lastly, I see you will eventually be called to act upon the ideas you have developed during your transformation—putting your plans into action. With Mercury in cardinal Earth paired with the knight of mind, there will be a drive and ambition to realize the reality you’ve been pining for. The energy here is that no matter what, you're committing to the course you’ve set, regardless of people or obstacles. This time period will pass judgment on what you've been contemplating for so long—the reality you have been imagining yourself in during the more stagnant parts of the year (and maybe last year as well?) While I do feel like most of this will be coming from your own willpower, with the major arcana, you may be presented with some kind of opportunity or circumstance that will further empower you. This may come after you take the first steps to move towards what you want. This could be about pursuing something in your career or material path, but I think it will extend into any part of your life that you've spent a ton of time thinking about. This period will remind you that dreams are not necessarily reality, yet they guide reality once you are ready to do something. If you did experience tense relationships with family or others throughout the year, I see you getting more of a handle on this and feeling more prepared to take on their challenging words (not that you have to keep going back and forth with these people). [Organization (Mercury in Capricorn, 10th house), Fighting, Judgement, two of wands rx]

Overall Theme for the New Year [Idealism (Sun in Aquarius, 11th house), the Hanged Man]: this year is about radical changes in perspective. Not only can you dare to dream, but you can also dare to make those dreams reality. Your mind is precious—protect and use it as much as possible. You may have had a complicated relationship with your desires & dreams in the past. Maybe others' pessimism affected you, and 2024 will prompt you to challenge limiting beliefs you’ve absorbed. This is a year where you realize that your hopes don’t have to detract from real life, they can be the seeds. Friends and community are especially significant in your 2024 energy.

A smile sits on the face of this philosopher, though this is not a title they chose for themselves. The symposium has hushed into suspicious and questioning tones, eyes on the philosopher who has not even said much at all. But what they have said, well, where do they get off? Their ideas are certainly not from here. They speak of a fantasy world where things are better than they are and the status quo is rudely disregarded. Where equality and fairness are true and not only words. The wise men furrow their brows and think, “foolish youth.” The philosopher explains nothing more; what is understood does not have to be explained. But, the seeds are sown. Quietly, in the hearts of the eternally foolish, the design of a better world is constructed.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): feeling called towards a job or interest but others around you not agreeing, feeling pulled towards many different directions, unsure of your “calling,” realizing something you want for yourself, changing your beliefs (especially about your role in the world, or about social expectations such as gender roles?), or a period where you’re interested in new beliefs but you try to deny this interest. Standing your ground, finding strategic ways to communicate with those around you (including ways to keep plans to yourself). At one point (or now) you may be wanting to escape or move far away, but later in the year you may actually lose interest in this or want to move somewhere that’s not as far. Career developments or planning, personal projects, applying to jobs or networking (part of this may feel discouraging or stagnant but don’t lose hope!), you may feel more connected to animals or nature this year (especially if you live in a wooded area), starting a business (especially with friends—crafts/handmade items? Or you might go to artists fairs & markets), working a “not as serious” or part-time job while you plan for a business/career, saving money

Extra Details: naivety, law enforcement or court case, some of you have info about a case you have not brought to the investigators? (I’m not giving legal advice here lol it just came to mind). Specific family member that’s very domineering (especially over you), though I am getting this is a pattern in your other relationships too (for some this person has no/almost no water placements in their natal chart? They could have very bright blue eyes). You may bite your tongue a LOT with this person but this is changing for many (possibly some arguments with them). Some of y’all really like peanut/nut butter 😭? Interest in the arts (or another field that’s not respected) that you’ve never seriously pursued, hiding your interest in artistic or “childish” things, coming from a conservative culture, the main one doing housework, having to be very observant of someone’s behavior to know the “right way” to talk to them so the conversation doesn’t go south? This pile has a way with words, like you naturally phrase things figuratively or poetically. “The time is now bitch, the time is now!! The war’s already started!!” Breaking Bad? Nature themed or inspired art. Mercury may be very important or aspected in the natal chart (possibly solar return as well to a lesser extent). 11th house may be prominent too

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Pile 4:

Something to Reflect On [the Tower, Queen of Pentacles]: hi pile 4! In this past year or the one before, something major shook up your life. Something shook your sense of security to the core. It challenged the notion of control, and you’ve had to rebuild it from the ground up. This feels like something that came out of nowhere, a life event that you know could happen to anyone but you either don’t expect it to happen to you when it does or it’s something you can’t plan for (like a sudden death/illness, breakup out of nowhere, houselessness/kicked out, I keep thinking you felt “dethroned”). As the Queen of Pentacles came after the tower and this pile had a very calming energy when I connected to you, you guys have started to or already come to terms with what happened. You’re picking up the pieces and getting back on your inner throne, though many of you are still dealing with the fallout of these circumstances. You guys should appreciate how far you’ve come in your inner world, or at least your amazing and impressive endurance. I don’t know why but there’s an emphasis on complimenting your endurance lol, the word “honorable” came to mind. This pile seems to have been through something incredibly hard (maybe on a physical level) that a lot of people would have folded under. Some of you had an opportunity to get out using shady means (like cheating or harming others, going against some kind of morals) and in the end you decided to stay by your integrity. This pile should really appreciate themselves, as you’re the one who has carried yourself through the tough storms.

A Peep into the New Year…:

At least one part of the year, if not the whole year, will feel jam-packed with a lot of different things happening. This is a blessed time where by your own willpower, abilities, and individuality, you’ll be able to receive something beautiful. I hear “convenience,” so, very convenient opportunities may come your way. Someone else could help arrange a blessing, or something could come into your life that makes it easier, but this is because of who you are as a person. This period may feel like a dream, like the Sun coming out after the clouds held it hostage. Things will happen that will help you to feel reconnected with life and the universe—your role in the scheme of things—and they may happen close together. This may be a little disorienting, so try incorporating some grounding practices into your life, or something that addresses feelings of disconnect (ex, meditation). I am also seeing a relationship focused on sensuality. This is new for most of you and may be with someone you already know. The relationship may begin with the help of someone else (maybe someone introduced you). This doesn’t seem to be the main event though; this relationship is one thing and the blessings I was talking about are another. Throughout everything, it’s highly emphasized to maintain your individuality. Either through the relationship or other things happening, you may feel the need to change yourself, or feel like a cog in the machine. The new developments could feel tiresome or too much for you. On a physical level, it may be a lot (especially if you have a job including manual labor/moving things). Not only do you need to take care of your body + needs, but also remember your uniqueness is needed. You’re not a spare part; you don’t need to be shaped to conform like others. Growing and changing is great, but the greatness comes from authenticity and the beauty of your specific path. Not from making yourself something you’re not. Alternatively, you may already be living like this and grow tired of it. [Fortune (Sun in Leo, 5th house), Existence, Such a Curious Dream rx, Romance (Venus in Taurus, 2nd house), Conditioning, Exhaustion]

Possibly related to the tiredness I mentioned, there may be a time where things seem totally out of your control—as if the wheel of life is turning and not waiting for you to catch up. There are bigger forces here, like institutions or other people that have control & importance over you. For example, higher education, local/state governments, the legal system. Something will stress you out, possibly news or the lack of agency you feel. This seems like a life pattern for this pile; it could trigger old feelings of lacking control. The unique qualities you have are what helps you move through these times, not what hinders you. The last card says “you will make it through this.” This period is bringing a cycle to the end (ten of swords was on the bottom of the deck); don’t catastrophize. The wheel of life is constantly turning, but you are also part of the wheel. I don’t know what it is about this pile but over and over your cards are pointing out how your individuality and the unique way your life has played out is your strength through all things (one of your cards says “there are not many like you!”). There may be a few things going on during this period that you have to juggle or prioritize over something you really wanted to do. A kind relationship with yourself is your foundation to face the world. The relationships around you will also be important, and may be one of the things making your life feel odd at this time (this news could be developments in a friend’s life). Maintaining bonds, internal and external, will create small blessings as you work towards peace. [Friendship (Moon in Cancer, 4th house), You Are Rare and Free, the Emperor rx, Shine Bright Like a Candle, Raidho rune]

Not every single oracle card referencing relationships I’m soo 😭. In fact, in every experience I read for you guys, something came out about relationships or loving someone. So obviously lol, companionships of all kinds are a large focus. This person (or people) will challenge you to close one of the constant cycles in your life—something regarding communication. Many of you have struggled to authentically communicate, possibly in regards to whatever it is about your individuality that keeps coming out. Maybe you tried to downplay or pretend in your relationships, and this has perpetuated a toxic loop (ex, if you are disabled, you may have downplayed the level of support you need). Your relationships will prompt you to be true, to see if you are up to the task of presenting yourself with all your lumps & bumps and saying, “here I am,” instead of, “don’t look at me.” They will also prompt you to rethink the role you play in healthy communication. You might have downplayed how you felt about others, like pretending to accept things you weren’t okay with. How this plays out will be different for everyone; maybe you will be with someone who understands you easily for once. It could be someone who understands you as long as you actually say something. Or, you may have to speak up for yourself and work through that struggle. Whatever the case, there’s an opportunity to grow through care & intimacy. You got another Sun card—the most fortuitous suite in the deck—so there’s a positive connotation to your bonds. With the Sun, Venus, and Moon all here (and the 2nd, 7th, and 9th house), I think these will be very compelling or fulfilling. You may interact a lot with someone who expands your worldview. But, even if someone is so close they feel telepathic, remember to still communicate and be conscious of cycles! [Acquisition (Sun in Taurus, 2nd house), Flirtation (Venus in Sagittarius, 9th house), Companionship (Moon in Libra, 7th house), Knight of Swords rx, the World]

Overall Theme for the New Year [Beyond Illusion, two of wands]: there's a strong emphasis on “dream-like” feelings this year. You may feel disoriented in the currents of life. You can either put your focus into the ever-changing external world and try to find your footing in those currents, or you can develop your stronghold in your inner world. By turning inward and looking at yourself without the outer noise, you can figure out what makes your soul feel good. You can learn more about yourself, what you’re capable of, and continue to develop security that cannot be washed away by what people say or do. When you only focus on the external, you focus on reacting. When you focus on the internal, you simply are, and you find the source of things.

A stray wanderer stands at the crossroads of themselves. To go left is to dream, where all the world resides. To go right is to wake up, to be with oneself, but not alone. Neither road promises soft steps nor uncalloused feet; a journey it will be either way. The wanderer is not hurried; all of eternity unfolds at the crossroads. They sit in the fork of the path and meditate.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): international travel, a tiring job (especially physically), shedding personas, increase in meditation, dreams, or spirituality, journaling/returning to journaling. A new lover, friends w/ benefits, or increased physical affection in a current relationship, someone giving you something or helping you to show appreciation, an arranged date, challenges to enjoying new things (ex, you travel but feel discouraged by how tiring it is due to health issues. So instead of telling those who want to be with you to go without you, maybe ask for a day of rest once you arrive). Going on hikes, camping, new activities in nature. Developments or news about something with the government or legal system (some kind of welfare, legal case? ), someone close moving away (especially for school), deciding to be friends instead of partners (this theme came out twice, you may flip flop between romance & friendship), very specific but someone you know may be worried about doing time or may get out of prison. Having to prioritize responsibility over a hobby or relationship, applying to school or for government assistance. Relationships that brings financial blessings or gifts, shedding old beliefs about relationships

Another very specific message: you may start or be in a relationship with a barista, bartender, or waiter. They may have an interesting relationship with money, like being very frugal or super generous. They may have a stocky build, very active (or you are and they contrast that). Even if they work with alcohol some do not drink at all. They may drink black coffee or tea instead. Some of them hoard.

Extra Details: living in a car, more life experience than other piles (age wise there are more people in their 30s+), house fire or having to escape your house in the past, partner suddenly kicked you out, living with parents, frosted flakes? Wanting children (or more) but unsure how this will work. Getting back on one’s feet, feeling excited or anticipating (especially about a job), health issues affecting work or that you got from work. You could think poetically/ metaphorically. A strong, solid, compelling energy when you embrace yourself. Don’t be flippant with birth control or protection even if you think you’re not fertile, especially with new, untested partners. Azealia Banks (212), Nicki Minaj. Strong Leo and fixed placement energy [at least in 2024], a person very in-tune with nature or who works with the environment (this could be you but seems more like someone you’ll get to know. Park ranger?) Wearing or using something special at work (an accommodation?). Disabilities, chronic illness/injuries (especially cerebral palsy or burns). Adult or spooky cartoons. Getting out of prison, probation, halfway house. The Lich (“I am the ceaseless wheel”), visual arts/making crafts (wanting to go to school for it; struggling to make time). Not completing or struggling in education, reading & speaking troubles (stutters?). Feeling perceived as uneducated or ineloquent, so you come up with unique ways to be understood. The way things go- beabadoobee (might remind you of your communication troubles).

🎆

Pile 5:

Something to Reflect On [Endurance (Sun in Scorpio, 8th house), Resistance (Mercury in Taurus, 2nd house), Knight of Cups rx]: hi pile five! You guys really had to defend yourself last year? Or this is a trend in your life. Earlier in the year (or life) you expected and sought support from loved ones but in the end you had to protect yourself from those people, or you were in a struggle with them. Either because of incompatibility or underlying issues (mental, emotional, etc) you had to rescind your relationship with them, or they became an adversary to you. This could represent a breakup (any kind) or family relations, but one to two people in particular are getting highlighted (such as a love interest and also a parent figure). You should appreciate how you’ve shown up for yourself and survived—congratulate yourself for being strong even when you shouldn’t have had to be. Especially because this experience seemed to be very transformative or harsh. But, also analyze the ways this could've pushed you into a shell. There may be harmful habits you picked up in order to survive (especially in communication, for example being very defensive, closed off. You might struggle with snapping at people or feeling attacked). 

A specific message for some is you may have spent a lot of time pursuing someone who didn’t want you. You expected them to eventually come around if you kept at it? And you are called to reflect on different aspects of that, such as respect for your own time and others’ boundaries.

A Peep into the New Year…:

A portion of the year will be defined by communication or having a lot of ideas at once. This has to do with a conventional institution: school, jobs, marriage, religion, etc. You might be thinking of tons of different things you want to do but find it hard to settle on one or know what’s needed to accomplish your goals. There’s a lot of energy but not necessarily a lot of focus, more so planning, brainstorming, & communicating. These ideas might be centered on how you can be of service to the world, your life path, or how you can pursue a conventional route while putting your own spin on it. A specific message for some is you could want to pursue something that’ll help animals/the environment, or a humanitarian role (this could be anything from veganism to getting a non-profit job, etc). You may receive news about an engagement or marriage. If the institution does refer to religion, you could be very vocal about your beliefs at this time, but might get mixed responses. This may cause tension in the family or social circle. [Excitement (Mercury in Gemini, 3rd house), the Hierophant, Messages for a Rabbit, The Right Way rx]

Most likely related to the above, there’ll be a period where you decide to part ways with tradition. After much thinking, you may find something you thought you could pursue or endure is not for you—even though it’s what’s expected of you. This may be isolating, or you ‘ll feel weird compared to those around you. Or, you might spend more time with people who understand your decisions and self-expression—people who also broke away from tradition. This will be a sensitive time; you’ll be more in tune with your emotions and the emotions of others. Old feelings can surface, particularly of abandonment, loneliness, and disappointment. This could be very overwhelming, so take extra care of your mental and emotional health. You might grieve experiences you will no longer have now that you are committing to going a different way (example, you might feel left behind by friends who are going to college if you decide not to do that). Feel what you need to commit to your path. There could be a slight struggle in truly letting go of whatever this is, especially if it’s a belief system. Also allow yourself grace, patience, space, and empathy in getting used to changes. [Empathy (Moon in Pisces, 12th house), four of pentacles sideways, We’re All Mad Here, the Hierophant rx]

After dealing with others'/society’s expectations of you for so long, and even your own expectations of yourself, you may suddenly charge forth, revitalized. You will be empowered to make a life for yourself with your own two hands. Something about your body is significant; whatever path you decide on may include some kind of physical work (ex, hand-made art, modeling, physical labor etc, could also refer to moving & travel). If you are pregnant or get pregnant, this is in reference to your labor or last trimester. Shortly before this period you will feel you are carrying a burden that's not yours to carry. This can be others’ expectations, or it could refer to any duties you have been maintaining but don’t have your heart in. When you enter this time period, you may have a flare of indignation or feel upset that you've been living according to what others say and not your own truth. Hone this feeling into productivity. Example, if you feel angry that someone doesn’t believe in your art, make more art! You might also have a surge of confidence and stand up for yourself like never before, though be careful not to waste energy on those who refuse to understand. Whatever your case is, this will be a time to embrace your own truth and let go of those who seek to live through or control you. You will be setting out on your own in some way. You’ll break free of those ideas once believed to be your own, but now are clearly things others conditioned into you. You will seek freedom from the burden of not being yourself. [Birth (Venus in Cancer, 4th house), Enterprise (Jupiter in Aries, 1st house), Keep Your Temper rx, ]

Overall Theme for the New Year [Believe, Ostentation]: this year will challenge you to believe in yourself more. It’s not that this will get much easier. It’s your own constant effort showing that no matter what, you can rely on yourself. That your worth is far greater than what others think—you can accomplish what you set your mind to. Some of you may be afraid of following your own path due to material hardships. This is understandable, but whatever is giving you anxiety, know that building inner security is what enables people to make big leaps. Your emotions will be incredibly important guides for you this year. Learning to accept and maintain your emotional state will be part of what shows you your own unshakeable foundation. If you put in the work towards loving and supporting yourself, you will be flaunting (boasting even) self-confidence like never before.

The monarch rides through the streets of their kingdom, head held oh-so high. Is this the notorious royal descendant, are the rumors all true? Whispers and strange glances spread down the road like wildfire. Everyone wants a look—a taste—so they may judge this stranger themselves. They certainly have heard the terrible stories and fearful feats attributed to them, and if they know what’s good for them they’ll clear the air. But the monarch says nothing to anyone. Should they hold their head any higher, they will surely hurt their neck! There’s no need to explain anything, nor do they need to make a fancy show of themselves for the people’s opinion. Their crown is their confidence; it ripples around them like silk. The power in their gaze explains everything anyone needs to know.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): applying to universities or jobs, building a resume, changes in beliefs about your role in the world, environment, or ecosystem, changes in spiritual & religious beliefs that put you at odds with others, changes in diet, brainstorming careers or majors, taking a non-traditional route in school. Leaving a religion or similar system, standing up for yourself against loved ones, a new project/business/art form/career path, graduating, moving away or moving to another relative’s home, getting pregnant, if you are or get pregnant then you may be especially emotional during your second trimester, making a medical decision for yourself, cutting people off (especially toxic family), writing a lot (you may write letters or lots of notes too), growing out of a childhood belief, starting a job (especially part-time, or as a supplement to something else)

Extra Details: black holes, red hair or red as a common color in your style (also green), communion, wanting your suffering to be recognized, cheerleaders, high school students, spending time (especially Summer) in the countryside and by the ocean (sea creatures are significant. Some of you may want to go vegan/vegetarian but are struggling because you love seafood?), a relative (mostly female) who lives in a more rural area you can go stay with, really liking animated movies, especially animated fairy tales or the anime fairy tale? Might also like zombie media (shows etc) or feel like a zombie. Detail-oriented rather than big-picture focused, might tend to just say or blurt out whatever you want, Catholic stigmata?

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Pile 6:

Something to Reflect On [ten of cups rx, the Emperor]: hi pile six! Last year there was a disappointment, loss, or ending with a loved one, or someone in your support system. This could be anything from a breakup, to a family death (found family?), or feeling a lack of fulfillment with those around you. You had to remain strong through this loss of connection and fill the void it left. You could’ve felt like you were drowning in the emotional turbulence you endured (literal drowning is significant to some). You could’ve also felt lonely and like you had to be strong for whoever was left. Even though this doesn’t make the disappointment or grief easier to bear, please appreciate how you show up for yourself and others. 

A Peep into the New Year…:

Possibly related to the above message, you’ll be shouldering a burden that’s not entirely yours to carry. There’s a situation that’ll be unfair or unbalanced, and this will take a toll on you. This could be a legal case, something law-related like a will, inheritance, contract, or something where stipulations are involved. Or, it could be something where you feel you’re getting the short end of the stick and having to take on a duty that’s hoisted on you. If you recently had a death in the family, this is likely related to the aftermath (a funeral or burial? I heard “bury”). Through ideas, communication, or ingenuity (it could be your own or someone else’s), balance will be restored to the situation. This will likely involve letting go of something you were making yourself do (I hear “promise,” you may have to rescind a promise that’s become toxic?). This felt very stifling and anxiety-inducing, but a good outcome is on the horizon. Your word may carry a lot of power in this situation, which may be why you ultimately get to decide if this carries on in your life or not. [Influence (Mercury in Libra, 7th house), Law is not Justice rx, the Burden, the Sun rx]

For a portion of the year, financial & material achievement will be of greater importance. More stability or success can come in. If you have a job or business, you may have positive developments if you put in effort. However, there’s something in your life that’s pulling on you, or there’s some kind of dependent relationship related to this material success. For example, building your savings by living with family. Or, there may be something that’s taking a lot of your attention and making it hard to focus on your success. However, it seems any situation that makes you feel dependent or dissatisfied during this period will encourage you to put even more energy into advancing. Despite stability or comfort, you’ll be focused on going your own way or working towards goals. You’ll seek to protect what’s important to you by putting more of yourself into it. If you have children, they could feel more dependent on you at this time, or you could feel more responsibility towards them. This can also refer to the relationship with your own family. Pregnancy may be more likely. No matter the case, this period will be one of renewal where you’re focused on building up for the future. You may be less inclined to share your plans with others, despite the attention you receive. [Riches (Saturn in Capricorn, 10th house), 9 of pentacles rx, the Chariot, Berkano rune]

Finally, there’s a part of the year where you need to safeguard your own interests. The message came out a bit choppy but I will try my best to convey it. For some or all of the year, you may experience a surge in confidence and a sense of knowing. This could be in general, or it could especially be confidence placed in a person. Either way, the message I got was “be careful once you’re confident.” There will be events placed along your year that will differentiate between confidence, impulsiveness, and arrogance, but when you feel very sure, all of them can seem the same. Make sure to always use your wisdom and not just confidence alone as your guide. Don’t think yourself above others, don’t be a braggart, and don’t make impulsive decisions because you think the consequences won’t happen. This could be a message about yourself, or it could relate to someone challenging something you hold dear. What I’m saying might sound silly because I don’t think you’re the type to be haughty, if anything this pile is understanding of reality based on your experiences. So that’s why I’m trying to convey that I think this is something you would normally never think about, things you might take for granted. This can include your trust in someone or something to do with your body? An inheritance, or something you receive(d) through family, including a home. You are being asked to put in an honest effort and cover your bases instead of bluffing through situations. Example, make sure your inner security is based on yourself and not on someone being there to give it to you. Make sure you pay attention to your body’s needs instead of assuming you’ll feel perfect. Especially if a genetic condition runs in your family, pay attention to that. There are two Saturn cards in this part of your reading. Put in the honest work, protect yourself, be patient and fair without impulsiveness, and you can sail through choppy waters. [Inheritance (Saturn in Scorpio, 8th house), King of Cups, Risk (Saturn in Aries, 1st house), Uncertainty rx]

Overall Theme for the New Year [Manage To Be Glad, Nauthiz rune]: create your own happiness; don’t allow external circumstances to dictate your entire wellbeing. This year is about life lessons and effort. Embrace these as part of everyone’s path—including yours—and you won’t struggle against the tide. Going down too-good-to-be-true shortcuts and overindulging in fantasy both come with consequences later. Be attentive to your needs and not just your wants. Most importantly, be aware that your actions create short and long-term effects; just ignoring the future does not undo the ripples of your decisions. Be mindful of how you treat yourself and the kind of reality you create for future you.

Witch—that’s what they call the one in the woods. Perhaps you’ll see them at their doorstep, dressed in all black, petting the cat in their arms (surely a familiar). Maybe you’ll see the candlelight burning into the late night when one is up to no good. But are they a witch? They are wise and avoid missteps by careful planning. To an outsider it’s magic, but to the witch it is only common sense.

Possible examples (but not limited to…): resolving funeral/end-of-life matters (for a recent death), resolving ongoing legal questions or troubles after feeling anxious, carefully reviewing contracts or agreements, choosing yourself or to withdraw some of the care you give to others, speaking up for yourself or finding your voice, needing a vacation, living with family, movement in the family home, wanting a different job or career, taking care of family or children—or being taken care of, making a leap towards a material goal, setting up plans or money for the future, being recognized at work or by peers, super specific message but you could go on a lot of walks (specifically late at night) with a close friend or partner, spending time in a different house than usual, close friendship or needing friends for emotional support, friends w/ benefits, pregnancy-related scares or other sudden news about one’s body, saturn return, finding out you didn’t really know someone, a pattern from the past replaying, receiving inheritance, someone challenging a relationship

[18+ only message] For any that do SW, be very mindful of your circle and clients, as well as who gets your pictures, as there may be some jealous or revengeful energy surrounding that. For others that don’t do SW but may send 18+ pics, the same applies. Take wise precautions regardless of who gets them.

Extra Details: the ocean, trauma regarding water (but still drawn to it at the same time?), Yellow by Coldplay, diamonds, crystals (especially yellow ones?), Poker Face by Lady Gaga, South America (especially the northern part of S America like Colombia), Roman Holiday? Law school or firm, body dysmorphia, inheritance from a father figure (could be a grandpa—very thick round glasses, bald on top with feathery white hair, tan, very thick silver mustache, wore long sleeve button up shirts a lot, smiles a lot, gave you money, liked coffee a lot?), Neville Goddard, blood disorders or inherited disorders, chromosomal? Saturn as a prominent planet in the natal chart, solar return, or profection year (could have also been prominent in the chart of whoever passed recently), being the responsible or older child

🎆

[duuhrayliegh]

what’s it like

a/n: idk what this is, it’s smut but it was written in pieces and idk if it’s any good, sorry y’all i’m all over the fucking place rn

@slutforsexyseabass

check out my other writings (more coherent writings)

      Red wine flowed from your glass into your mouth, swirling enticingly as you gulped down the sweet liquid. You followed the pleasant burn of it as it slipped down your throat.  

“I’m not kidding.” Natasha leaned forward, topping off her own glass with more of Tony’s expensive wine.

“And he just kept going?” Wanda’s mouth dropped open as Natasha giggled while nodding in ascent to her question.

“Had my legs shaking, I swear.” She held up three fingers, “Scout’s honor.”

You laughed, digging your hand into the bowl of Cheetos tucked between your legs. Wanda shook her head, seemingly not believing what Natasha was telling her.

“I didn’t know that Sam had it in him.”

“Wan,” Natasha’s hand landed on Wanda’s knee, “Neither did I. It was almost too much, almost.”

Her voice dropped an octave on the final word, waggling a perfectly sculpted brow at her gaping teammate.

“What?” Natasha stole a few chips from your bowl as she questioned Wanda. “You’ve never had that kind of experience?”

“Mm,” you mumbled behind a mask of Cheetos, “yeah, how’s that work with Vision? I mean, it’s not like he has a—”

“Ah, bup bup.” Wanda cut you off quickly, “Vision knows everything, so he’s very skilled. Apparently not as skilled as Sam, but I mean he’s still learning so…”

Wanda let the statement hang, clinking the body of her glass with Natasha’s. She turned her attention your way, clearly readying herself to ask you a question.

“Well, it’s late, ladies.” They both began to protest, but you simply waved off their remarks. “No, no. I’ve got to get up and, like, be productive tomorrow. Sorry, loves.”

You tapped them both on the shoulders as you passed, dropping your glass off in the sink on your way out of the living room. There wasn’t a single thing that either of them could’ve said to keep you there any longer. Not if that was the topic of conversation. The ‘that’ being sex, of course, because it’s hard to talk about something that you’ve never experienced before.

You trudged back to your room, two floors above the common room. Deciding that you were too lazy to take the stairs, you pushed the button for the private elevators. The ones that Tony made specifically to avoid the other SHIELD agents who worked at the tower on a regular basis.

The railing of the elevator held your weight as it made its climb up the floors. Your eyes slid closed, mind running back to the conversation that you were just a privileged party of. You couldn’t even think of the last time someone took a particular interest in you, much less left you with your legs shaking.

The elevator slowed to a halt, doors opening to reveal a flushed looking Sergeant, your favorite Sergeant. Bucky smiled at you before wiping his brow with the towel that hung over his shoulder. You weren’t particularly good friends with the Sergeant. Not by choice. Honestly, if you had it your way then you two would converse freely, without the worry of judgment by either party.

As you began to prepare yourself for an awkwardly silent ascent alongside Bucky, a hand forced its way into the closing elevator doors. Sam shot a look at Bucky before speaking.

“Dude, I told you to wait for me.”

“You were taking too damn long.”

You snorted, remembering Natasha saying quite the opposite of him. Bucky furrowed his brows at the noise you made, clearly not caring enough to make him question you, though.

“I was not taking too long.” He shifted his bag to his other shoulder as the elevator began to climb again. “I’m just movin’ a bit slower today.”

Bucky grunted, a sound Sam took as a question.

“Super fucking sore from my mission the other day.”

A singular loud laugh escaped your lips, making you slap your hand over your mouth as both men turned to look at you.

“Something amusing, Y/N?”

You looked at your feet, giggling as the doors opened onto the floor your room was on. You slapped Sam’s shoulder as you passed.

“It’s just funny. Natasha was saying something about being sore earlier, as well.”

Sam’s jaw dropped as Bucky whipped his head around to face his friend, eyes wide in shock. You watched as Bucky punched Sam’s bicep before stepping out of the elevator too. He muttered under his breath as he walked to his own room.

“Sore from a mission, my ass.”

*

No matter how hard Bucky tried, he always got up with the sun. He would love to be someone who could sleep in until the later hours of the morning. He typically found himself lying in bed a few extra minutes, delaying his daily routine as long as he could.

This particular morning it was easier. He had something to think about. Usually, he would be laying there with no thoughts in his head other than the seemingly endless list of names that he needed to make amends with. No, this morning was different.

He was thinking of that damn elevator ride last night. He was kicking himself for not making conversation with Y/N for one floor. With his eyes closed he could recall you perfectly. He thought of the rosy tint to your cheeks and the subtle scent of Tony’s plum wine on your breath. Then he remembered you pushed through him and Sam, your chest just barely grazing the metal of his left arm. The nerve endings that Shuri created for the limb allowing him to feel your nipples through the fabric of your t-shirt.

Great, now he had to deal with his hard-on before he could do anything else.

Bucky couldn’t think straight around you, so he just stayed silent. Not wanting you to see him as a fool, opting for you to think he was standoffish so he could admire you from a safe distance. That’s where he belonged anyway. A safe distance from you. He knows that a relationship would never be something you consider with him. He’s a 106-year-old man for Christ’s sake, what would a twenty-something year-old woman want with him?

He untwisted the lid of his protein container, adding the proper amount to his shaker bottle before dumping the scoop back into the protein jar. He shoved the container into the cabinet on the top shelf, turning back to find you walking into the kitchen. His eyes roamed your figure before stopping dead in his tracks as he registered what you were wearing.

His favorite red henley covered your body, stopping just below your ass cheeks, giving him the show that he didn’t know he needed until this very moment. Your socked feet padded along the kitchen tiles as you gathered the ingredients for what looked like pancakes.

“You going to work out this morning or do you want some pancakes?” You pushed the question out through a yawn. Your eyes closed with the motion, allowing Bucky the opportunity to watch as your nose wrinkled. The freckles decorating your face begging to be traced with little, feather-light kisses.

Bucky watched as you stretched to reach a bowl in one of the high cabinets. Against his better judgment, his eyes dropped to the rising hem of his shirt, lifting just enough to expose the round globes of your ass. The seams of your underwear indented the plush flesh there, letting his mind run wild with the thought of digging his teeth into one of your cheeks.

He turned away from you, cock stirring in his shorts as he leaned his hands against the countertop in front of the sink. He took a deep breath, steadying his nerves as he promptly dumped his protein shake down the drain.

“Yeah, I’ll take a few pancakes.” Bucky crossed the kitchen, opening the fridge to pour a glass of orange juice. By that time, you had set about mixing the batter together. Unfortunately, you were standing right in front of the cabinet containing the cups.

There were a few ways that Bucky could navigate this situation. One would be to ask you to hand him the cups from the cabinet directly above your head. The more dangerous option would be to move you himself. The latter offered him the opportunity to feel your supple form through the fabric of his fucking henley. He went with his initial gut reaction. Should he have? Probably not but fuck it.

His right hand cupped the skin of your hip, feeling the slight bulge of skin there. As Bucky leaned forward, he attempted to keep his lower half from pressing into you as much as he could. He truly didn’t want to push any boundaries with you, knowing that you were too damn young for him. That fact didn’t stop his body from reacting to your presence in the most agonizing fashions.

“You know,” his voice barely a whisper as he reached for the cups above your head, “I’ve been looking for that shirt.”

Bucky’s eyes flickered down to your face before turning away from you with two cups in his grasp. He yanked the fridge door open to reach for the orange juice container.

“What’re you talking about?”

He could hear your exhaustion clinging to your words. He decided to push a bit further as he placed the now full glass beside the stove you were working at.

“The henley.” Bucky paused briefly, leaning against the granite countertop opposite you. “More specifically, my henley.”

His head tilted to the side as you dropped your chin against your chest, seemingly taking in the item of clothing on your body. Bucky smiled softly as the bun on top of your head flopped forward with the motion. You turned around to face him quickly, spatula in hand.

“I’m sorry.” He watched as you stuck your arm out, gesturing for him to take the utensil. “I’ll go change really quick. I thought it was Sam’s.”

Bucky stepped forward, his metal hand resting on your wrist and pushing it downwards.

“Would you leave it on if it was?”

He watched the split second of hesitation flash in your eyes.

“Probably.”

The word was paired with a slight shrug of your shoulder, and a dip in your mouth making your chin wrinkle in the most adorable way. God, he wanted to just hold your face in his hands and just stare into your eyes for as long as you would let him.

Bucky took another step forward, effectively pinning you against the countertop beside the stove. His eyes locked with yours as he leveled his face to yours. He glanced down at the red fabric covering your torso. He found his fingers bunching the middle of the fabric, pulling it away from your body to roll between his forefinger and thumb.

“Then it’s Sam’s.”

Bucky promptly dropped the fabric and walked away just after the words left his mouth. Again, should he have done that? Probably fucking not, but Bucky’s learned to let himself enjoy the little things in life. Like the way your thighs just clenched together at his close proximity to you.

*

You sat on the couch, a plush throw blanket covering your legs and a mug of steaming tea in your hand. You trailed your finger on the rim of the cup, mind running back to your latest interaction with Bucky. It wasn’t unusual for you to obsess over your own actions because you were always worried that the other person was going to think you were an asshole. It was rare that you focused so heavily on the actions of your conversation partner, but god damn.

Bucky fucking Barnes.

You might be a twenty-three-year-old virgin, but that man could get it if he wanted it. ‘It’ being your virginity. Any day of the week.

You knew you probably shouldn’t be having thoughts about a man who, for most of the time you’ve known him, has shown you little reason to believe that he was romantically interested in you. Or physically attracted to you, for that matter. Though, you couldn’t deny that you saw a flicker of something behind his eyes in the kitchen a few days back.

He was closer than usual, granting you the privilege of seeing the dark ring of blue circling his irises. You wondered what it would be like to watch his pupils dilate in reaction to something you did.

To watch the subtle twitch of his very controlled emotions because of you.

“Whatcha watchin’, doll?”

You jumped at his voice. The man that’s kept your mind captivated for the past week.

Bucky fucking Barnes.

He settled his large frame on the couch beside you, lifting your legs that were sprawled out on the cushions to sit underneath them. His metal hand laid on your knee above the blanket, but you could feel the palm of it burning your skin.

“I don’t think I’ve seen this one, yet.”

Your eyes never left Bucky’s profile, barely registering that he was still speaking to you.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

He scooted closer to you, placing his flesh hand on your cheek before dragging it to your forehead. Bucky’s eyes ran over your face, worry dancing across his brow. You snapped from your trance, the back of his palm still pressed against your forehead.

“You run hotter than all of us. Do you think you’d be able to tell if I had a fever that way?”

It came out harsher than you wanted it to. Bucky didn’t seem bothered by your comment, pinning you with a lopsided grin that made your cheeks heat.

“My Ma always checked that way.” He jerked his head to the mounted TV, “Whatcha watchin’?”

“Nothing in particular. Do you want to watch something?”

Bucky shook his head, pulling out his phone and opening the notes app.

“I don’t know, Sam wrote down a bunch of stuff I should watch now that I’m ‘acclimated to society’ or some shit.” He handed you the device, “Anything look appealing to you?”

Yes, you look appealing to me.

“He wants you to watch a rom-com?”

“The fuck’s a rom-com?”

“It’s a romantic comedy.” You reached for the remote. “You okay with that?”

“As long as you pick a good one, dolly, I’m down for anything.” Bucky’s words made you flush, trying to concentrate on finding the movie you thought of.

About thirty minutes into 27 Dresses, you shifted causing the blanket to slip from your calves, exposing your painted toes. A chill ran up your spine at the sudden temperature change, a movement that didn’t go unnoticed by your companion.

“What’s wrong?” His question was immediate.

You waved it off, “Nothing just a chill. Can you cover my feet, please?”

Bucky glanced at your bare feet. “You aren’t wearing socks. You always wear socks.”

The movie was still playing in the background, but you were fully focused on the words leaving Bucky’s mouth.

“I don’t always wear socks.” You stressed the ‘always’ sarcastically because you knew that was a damn lie. “All of mine are in the wash right now, so I’m making do.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, scanning your face. He tapped your legs and abruptly left the room.

“Bucky!” You had just managed to get yourself untangled from the blanket wrapped around your legs to pause the movie when Bucky returned.

He held a pair of his own socks in one hand and one of his henley’s thrown over his shoulder. He plopped back onto the sofa beside you. Bucky nodded down to his lap, in which you carefully placed your legs with curious eyes watching on.

Bucky tugged his socks onto your feet then covered your toes with his hands, rubbing them between his palms to create heat from the friction. He refocused on the show after tossing his henley at your face.

“Put it on. I know you’re still cold, even with this damn thing on.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” You stared at the soft shirt in your hands as you spoke to him.

“Can’t have my dolly being cold, now, can I?” Bucky ran his thumb over your ankle. You felt his eyes on you as you pulled the shirt on. “Sorry, it’s not Sam’s. You’ll just have to make do with mine.”

He threw you a wink before immersing himself back into the movie, his movements on your ankle never ceasing. Meanwhile, you could feel your cheeks becoming as red as the fabric of Bucky’s henley.

*

It became a bit of a ritual between the two of you. Over the next few months, Bucky was sure to do whatever he could to spend time with you. Despite knowing you had no real interest in him, Bucky made it his mission to be around you as much as possible.

“Hiya, dolly.”

Bucky had been stationed at one of the punching bags in the corner of the room when you walked into the gym. He dropped his stance, taking in your frame in another one of his stolen shirts. This was one of the more recent developments. One that he was enamored with.

Bucky adored seeing you in his clothes, even in this undefined, in-between platonic relationship the two of you shared.

“Hey, Buck.” You smiled at him, dropping your bag onto the floor in front of the wall of mirrors. He watched as you walked over to the bag across from him as you wrapped your knuckles.

Bucky had a much harder time concentrating on his own workout. How the hell was he supposed to? You were behind that damn bag, letting loose all those cute little groans and grunts as your fists connected with the leather.

“Here.” He walked over, tired of seeing you stop your workout to halt the swaying of the bag. He braced himself for the impact of your fists.

You glanced up at him through your lashes with raised brows, waiting for his go-ahead. Once Bucky gave you a nod, you continued your work-out.

Was Bucky a creep? There’s a very real possibility that’s a true statement.

You kept his shirt on, allowing him to take you in with sweat glistening on your body in his clothes. The thoughts beginning to formulate weren’t helping his situation. You had just finished a particularly intense pattern of hits when you groaned. Bucky took in your new stance away from the bag, hands on your hips as you pulled his shirts over your hips, using the fabric to hold your hands.

“Will you spar with me?” You took a step back again to grab your water.

This is a bad idea, but that didn’t stop Bucky from saying yes. He wasn’t sure if there was a situation that he would say no to you in.

The both of you began fighting. Bucky was always impressed with the force of your hits. He thought back to when he first started integrating into the team. You were already recruited by Natasha, and had been training with her for about three years before Bucky was brought in.

He could tell you were becoming fatigued, your movements sloppy and uncalculated. You threw a punch to his left side, but it was slow and careless. He caught your fist, spinning your body around while placing his right arm around your chest. Bucky paused a minute, his breathing syncing with the rapid rise and fall of your breasts against his arm.

“What’s up with you?” His breath bounced off your ear and hit his neck, only to be quickly flipped. You stepped under his arm during his concern for you, knocking the back of his knee before using your body weight to pin him to the ground.

“Nothing.” You smiled wide at him, giggling a little as you had his hands pressed against the mats by his wrists. “Sympathy is a powerful weapon.”

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing out loud. He suddenly hooked one leg behind yours, planting his foot on your hip and slamming your back onto the vinyl mat of the floor. Bucky remained snug between your legs, holding your hands to the floor with just one of his.

He stretched his arm out, pulling yours along with it as he leaned down to you. Bucky didn’t want to think about how he felt in this position with you. He didn’t want to let his mind run wild with thoughts about having you pinned like this in his bed. He didn’t want to think about having your hands tied to his headboard while he pulled every delicious sound out of you that he could.

He especially didn’t want to think about how his cock was rubbing against the fabric of your leggings, but fuck was it a good thought.

“Distraction is better. And I’ve got a few years on ya, so experience doesn’t help.”

“That’s cheating.” You laughed, “I had you pinned, I won!”

“I didn’t know we were competing, dolly.” He let go of your wrists, settling his weight backwards as you sat up on your elbows.

“But let’s be honest, if we were competing in who could finish a fight I would win.” Bucky took the opportunity to squeeze your hips before getting up and offering his hand to you.

You laughed beside him as the two of you exited the gym to go to the elevators. You shoved his arm as the two of you entered the elevator, going down a floor to the shared kitchen area.

“Hey guys. We’re having a movie marathon tonight. Want in?” Sam was leaning over Natasha's shoulder as she sat in one of the bar stools. Bucky envied his friend, he wanted to be close to you like Sam was with Natasha.

“I’m down. You comin’, Y/N?” Bucky peered down at you hoping you would say yes. You seemed to be in a bit of a daze as you answered though.

“I’ll come for you anytime.”

All of Bucky’s blood rushed to his cock as you stammered an explanation.

“Uh— wait, no, I— ugh, damn it. You know what, I'm going to go shower, I’ll see you guys tonight!”

*

“What the actual fuck? Who the hell are you? When did we just start speaking our mind?” You muttered under your breath as you raced up the stairs. Away from the awkward situation that you created for yourself.

“Oh god, let’s be honest, you’ve always spoken your mind, but not that kind of shit, you dumbass.” You slapped your forehead lightly, dragging your hand down your face in frustration.

“And now you’re talking to yourself. Wonderful.” You trudged to your room, hoping that a hot shower would make you feel better.

The spray of the showerhead beat down onto your body, relaxing the muscles as you washed the shampoo from your hair. You let your hands rest on your shoulders, a sigh of exhaustion escaping as you turned your face toward the water.

As much as you didn’t want them to, your thoughts ran back to your training session with Bucky. You hadn’t known that he was in there, but you were pleasantly surprised when you first saw him. Your relationship with the Sergeant was rocky at the start, but you were ecstatic that it began flourishing as well as it is. You were content to harbor the little school girl crush a little while longer, knowing that it won’t amount to anything in reality.

The longer you lingered on the memories of your most recent encounter with the man, the farther your hands began to drift. Your fingers danced over your own skin, eventually landing right where you wanted them to.

With your eyes closed, it was Bucky’s hands on your body.

With your eyes closed, you were bending to his will.

With your eyes closed, Bucky was knocking at your bathroom door and asking if you were okay.

“Oh shit!” Your eyes popped open as you yanked your hand away from your body, slamming into the tiled wall.

“Dolly?” Bucky’s fist hit the door, the damn thing bouncing in the frame with the force of his pounding. “What was that? You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Your voice strained as you wrapped a white towel around your body. “Hang on.”

How the hell were you going to play this one off?

You held your towel to your body with one hand, the other reaching for the doorknob only to have the whole damn thing ripped away from you as Bucky bent to your level. His hands roamed your arms, confirming that there weren’t any injuries before settling both large palms on your cheeks.

“What the hell, dolly?” His blue eyes locked onto yours. It felt like he’s trying to read your mind with how enrapturing his gaze is.

“I’m fine, Bucky.” As much as you wanted to have his hands on you for as long as humanly possible, you needed to create some distance between you. If you don’t, you might make a bigger fool of yourself by asking to kiss him.

“I’m sorry if I worried you, but really I’m okay.” Bucky hadn’t moved from his original place in front of your bathroom door. You could feel his eyes follow your movements about your room, watching as you gathered clothes for the team movie night.

“I need to bandage your hand before we go down.” He left no room for argument, so you ducked your head as you escaped back into the en suite.

*

At this exact moment, Bucky was happy to have been injected with the serum.

Bucky stared at the closed door of your bathroom. He knew he wasn’t imagining when he heard you moan. He wasn’t lying when he said he was worried. No, that part wasn’t a lie.

He wasn’t sure how entirely truthful he would be if you asked him how long he stood there before knocking on your door.

Bucky needed to cool down.

Like, right now.

He backed away as he dragged his fingers through his hair. Every sound that came out of your mouth was running through his head on a loop. He did try to ignore it, he shouldn’t be thinking of you that way. You deserved more than to have him think of you like that.

Truthfully, he just wanted to have a reason to think of you that way, one that came directly from you.

Bucky felt a billow of warm air blow from the swing of your bathroom door. Your hair, still damp from the shower, stuck to your bare shoulders. He could tell you toweled your hair off in an effort to lessen the amount of water in the strands by the bit of frizz that began forming at the top of your head.

“Sorry.” The closer you got, the easier Bucky could see the droplets of water clinging to your skin. His eyes followed their path as they raced down your exposed flesh. He wanted nothing more than to lick the remaining water off you, if you’d let him.  

“It’s fine.” He said quickly.

Bucky jerked his head toward the door, smiling down at you as he led the way to the theater room. He pushed his way into the darkness that was immediately contrasted by the flatscreen of Tony’s design.

“Where do you want to sit?” He saw one of your shoulders lift out of the corner of his eye. “Alright, I get that you don’t want to pick. Just grab us a seat in the back corner, I’ll get us some snacks.”

“Thank you.” You practically skipped to the seats, making Bucky smile as he grabbed a few junk snacks in his arms.

Bucky’s smile remained as he watched you snuggled into a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch.

“Scootch over.” Tapping your thigh with the back of his hand, he took his seat beside you.

“As we all know, we trade off on who picks the movie.” Tony stood beside the screen, waving his hand emphatically as he spoke. “You’re all so lucky that it was my turn to pick.” One of his hands rested on his chest as he leant forward in a mock bow.

“What do ya think he picked?”

The heat of your body radiated pleasantly into Bucky’s as you spoke to him. The scent of your body wash wafting to his senses, taking his mind back to the noises he listened to outside of your bathroom door.

“I don’t know. It’s always something stupid with him.”

Bucky couldn’t care less about Tony’s choice of movie. What he was really concerned with was how close you were to him.

And how much he wanted to be closer.

*

About halfway through the movie, your body stretched with a yawn. Both of your legs kicked off the couch, relishing in the rush of blood to your limbs before settling back into your original position.

“You can lean on me, ya know?” Bucky tilted his head toward you, whispering to you as the movie continued playing.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you leaned your head against his shoulder, murmuring a small thank you. Your eyes slid closed as you soaked in the warmth that Bucky provided. Like a goddamn walking space heater.

It took a few seconds to readjust your position, only for Bucky’s metal hand to rest on the bare skin of your knee after you stopped moving. A shockwave raced up your spine at the contact.

The lighting of the movie changed. A buttery filter settling over the screen, the little starlights in the ceiling of the theater changing accordingly.

You nudged Bucky’s side, making him drop his gaze to you before following your pointer finger to the lights in the ceiling.

Suddenly, the lights changed again.

A deep red overtaking them as a guttural groan played through the speakers.

Your eyes snapped back to the screen, seeing the two main characters in the throws of intimate passion. It didn’t take long for your curiosity to overtake you, making you more than invested.

You felt your head leave Bucky’s shoulder, tilting slightly to the left as you leaned forward. Bucky’s hand never left your leg, you distantly felt it slide down to your inner thigh with your quick movements. He must’ve asked you a question because he squeezed the inside of your thigh making you jump in your seat.

“Dolly?” Another squeeze. “Are you okay?”

Your body flushed, finally fully recognizing that it was Bucky’s hand on your inner thigh.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

*

You couldn’t seem to tear your eyes away from the screen, flashing him a small smile without looking at him. Bucky’s eyes narrowed as he examined your body language.

You had the blanket covering your lower half bunched between in your grip.

The scene progressed and it seemed you couldn’t decide to be relaxed or tense. Your jaw dropped slightly as the male character thrust into the female. He glanced at the screen, watching as the shot focused on the man’s hand on the outside of the woman’s thigh. Back to you, your head had tilted to the side again, brows furrowed at the progression.

He flexed his hand against your own thigh before rubbing his thumb against your skin.

“Feeling a bit hot, dolly?”

Your face whipped around to his, lips parted as small puffs of air escaped. Bucky watched for any sign of discomfort from you as his hand slid a bit higher.

“Is this okay?”

A tiny nod that received a small smirk in reply.

“Words, dolly.”

“Yes.”

Bucky felt his harsh breath bounce off his bicep as his fingers dragged up to the apex of your thighs. He traced the crease of your thigh several times, familiarizing himself with the fabric of your shorts. His pinky slipped under the hem, accompanied by a quick inhale from you.

“Shh, dolly.”

He felt your heart rate increase, smiling into your skin as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

“You don’t want everyone to find out what we’re doing back here, do ya?” Bucky felt your thighs clench at his words, making him quirk a brow at the thought.

“You might be into that, dolly. But, I don’t share what’s mine.” He pinched your thigh making you jump closer toward him, a reaction that he thoroughly enjoyed.

He repeated the pinch, pulling you into his lap as you jumped yet again. Bucky fit his arms around your body, keeping your legs spread just enough for his hands to fit comfortably, his knuckles brushing against each other. The surround sound system that Tony installed in the theater room drowned out the little yelps that escaped your lips, much to Bucky’s dismay.

“Be a good dolly,” his right hand pulled your hips back into his, “and stay still.” His metal hand remained in between your legs, the temperature difference causing little goosebumps to rise over your skin. Bucky leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before whispering to you, “Please.”

His hand traced the waistband of your shorts, running his fingers over the indentions that the elastic left on your stomach. Bucky hummed into your neck as your breaths shuddered. After a few minutes of torture as the movie progressed, he gave in. Pushing his hand further into your shorts, the fabric peeling away from your heated skin.

“Bucky.”

It was breathy.

Heavenly.

The very implication of it, of what he was making you feel, made his soar on cloud nine.

And all you said was his fucking name.

“What do you want, dolly?” He stopped the downward descent of his hand, resting just above where he knew you really wanted him. But he wanted more.

“Please touch me.”

Fuck him. The quick rise and fall of your chest and increased heart rate reverberated from your body into his.

His metal hand pinched your thigh again.

“I am touching you.” His fingers danced across your slit, humming lowly to himself at the wetness that began gathering there.

A little groan slipped past your lips, a little too loud for Bucky’s liking in such a public forum. His metal hand covered your lips as he brought his mouth to your ear.

“Don’t be a greedy dolly and be quiet.”

One of his fingers breached your slit, the heel of his hand brushing against your clit in the process. The slight friction makes your back arch away from his chest.

“If any of them turned around, what would they see?” He kept his finger stationary, wetness pooling around his digits as he refused to move. “They’d see you spread out on my fingers. My dirty little dolly. Such a good girl for me.”

He felt your walls clench around him.

“You like me tellin’ you that you’re my good girl?”

He took the opportunity to begin to pump his finger in and out of you. Your walls sucked him back in as he continued to move back and forth.

“Of course you do.”

“Bucky, please.”

He twisted his hand, rubbing the heel of it against your sensitive clit. God, he’d barely touched you and you’re already a writhing mess beneath him.

“Such a dirty girl.” Another pump. “Getting all hot and bothered from a movie,” He removed his fingers, circling your clit, “then begging for my touch?”

Your mouth dropped open as he pressed a kiss to the hinge of your jaw. Bucky quickly replaced his digits, resuming his steady rhythm.

“Be a good girl for me.” He whispered into your ear as your legs began to shake. “Come on, cum for me.”

“Bucky.” Your hand reached his bicep, nails digging in and leaving little crescent shaped marks.

Moon shaped badges that he would brandish with pride.

“That’s it, just let go, Y/N.”

Your body stilled in his arms as he continued pumping his fingers, the wetness pooling there thoroughly coating his digits. He smiled into your skin, covering your mouth with his metal hand to muffle your moans.

“I told you I don’t share, dolly.” His pace slowed as the lights in the theater room brightened. Bucky watched as his teammates began to rise from their seats, grasping blankets at their waists while they stretched their arms above their heads.

“That includes your little noises.” Bucky shifted you from his lap to the cushion beside him, his arm still wrapped protectively around your back. He stood from the couch, leaving his skin in contact with yours for as long as possible.

“We’ll continue this later, little dolly.” Bucky watched your eyes widen as he brought his fingers, the ones covered in your cum, to his lips. He fought his eyes rolling back to take in your shell shocked expression as he moaned from the back of his throat at your taste.

*

Your fist hovered near the door. You’d been debating on how to broach the subject with Bucky since the team movie night. Just as you went to pound on the door, it swung inward. Your eyes darted up to the mass of a man standing in front of you.

“Hiya, dolly.” You felt your face flush and Bucky’s eyes roamed your figure.”How are you doing today?”

“I’m alright.” You hesitated for a second, wringing your hands at your waistline. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Sure, come on in.” He stepped back, revealing the room that you had become acquainted with over the past few months.

You walked in, pausing at the foot of his bed. Bucky’s hand rested on your bicep.

“You sure you’re okay, Y/N?”

You whipped around to face him, eyes wide as they focused on his face that was closer to yours than you originally thought it was.

“I’m fine. Swear, Scout’s honor.” You held up three fingers to which Bucky snorted.

“You weren’t a boy scout, dolly.”

“I could’ve been a boy scout if I wanted to.”

“Oh, I have no doubts about that.” He inched closer to you, bumping the back of your knees into the plush edge of his bed.

You chewed the inside of your cheek as Bucky’s chest pressed against yours. His hand lifted to your face, cold fingers tracing your cheekbones before swiping your hair behind your ear.

“Didn’t you come in here for a reason, dolly?” You started to stammer out an answer when Bucky continued talking, eyes roaming your face. “Don’t get me wrong, I love having you all to myself, but you seemed to be on a mission.”

“Right.” You evacuated his immediate vicinity, facing the window on the opposite side of his room. You fumbled with the drawstring of your sweats, twisting the string between your fingers.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” His hand reached out, resting on your arm to turn your body toward his.

“I wanted to just talk about what happened with us the other night.” Bucky nodded as he took a seat on the edge of his bed. Bucky followed your movements as you paced in front of him.

“Well, it’s just like I’ve never actually done that before or had that done to me so it really kind of made me nervous. But then like it happened and I tried to kind of just forget about it and put it out of my mind because I knew it was probably a one time thing. But it’s been occupying more space in my head than I feel like it should if I’m going to be able to forget it. And now I just want it to happen all over again. And I really liked experiencing that with you and I hope that you liked it too because I mean well you had your hand down my pants and then you, ya know? With the fingers? And then your mouth? And the sucking?”

*

Bucky sat attentively listening to your rant with his head tilted to the side. You continued to wear down the patterned rug you had claimed ‘looked like him’ in the store. The same rug he wanted to get carpet burn from because he was on his knees for you.

“So I just assumed that you liked it too but now I’m freaking out because what if you were just being nice and you didn’t actually enjoy it and I had just happened to be the closest to you at the time when you were feeling a little frisky?”

Bucky dropped his head to his hands. His weight shifted forward as he leant his forearms against his thighs as you kept talking. He knew you were really talking to him, you had already made a decision before coming in here. He had done this same routine with Sam about you.

“But no that wouldn’t make sense because I feel like we’ve been building up to this the past few weeks, but I thought that you weren’t interested in me because I was too young for you but if it turns out that you are then I would be super excited about that because I’m super into you too and then it would make this whole thing less awkward for me and then we could just bang it out, right?”

He pushed up, halting your movements by placing his hands on your shoulders and turning your body to face his. He titled his head forward, raising a single brow as he spoke.

“Of course I want to bang this out, dolly. But, I need you to understand a few things first.”

Bucky stepped around you to stand beside the door. He watched you from his new position, nudging his head to his bed for you to take a seat.

“I don’t plan on this being just a one time thing.” Bucky took a step forward, crossing the rug he bought in hopes you would spend more time in his room— with him.

“If we do this, you’re mine and I’m yours for as long as we both want it to happen.” A few more steps and he dropped to his knees in front of you. He tipped his head backwards and lifted his hand to reach your knee.

“Now,” he rubbed your thigh up and down, “do you want this? Do you want me?” Your eyes were slowly widening as the words left Bucky’s mouth. Your head began to bob back and forth, pupils blown with desire.

A half laugh escaped through Bucky’s lips, “No, dolly. I need your words, Y/N.”

“Yes, Bucky.” You leaned forward, tracing your fingers against the day old stubble growing on his jaw. A wide smile split his face, and he bit his lower lip as you touched your forehead against his. “I want this. I want you. I want us.”

“Oh thank god.” He shot up, shifting your body up his bed. Bucky’s lips attached to your neck, lightly biting the exposed skin there as your head fell back in what he hoped was ecstasy.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you for?” He felt your blunt nails dig into his shoulders, sucking in a harsh breath against your skin at the feeling.

“No need to be greedy, dolly.” Bucky leveled his face with yours, easily melding his lips against your slightly chapped pair.

“I’d give you anything you’d ask for. Without. Question.” He punctuated the last words with small pecks to your cheeks.

“Bucky.” His head snapped up, that breathy little whisper of his name engraving itself into the grooves of his soul. If he died right then he would be content.

“Will you go out on a date with me?” Bucky hands, which had previously been tracing the hem of your t-shirt, found their new home on either side of your head.

“Did you just ask me out, dolly?”

A nervous huff escaped your lips, the subtle scent of your mint toothpaste permeating Bucky’s skin. He hovered over your body, watching every little squirm and shift as he remained silent. He took pity on you, saving you from any further discomfort.

“I would love to go out on a date with you.” He brushed his nose against yours twice.

“Now, can I fuck you into oblivion?”

“Yes please.” You squealed as he shoved his face into your neck, blowing cool air onto the sensitive skin.

“Thank fuck.” His hands dug into your hips, pushing you into the plush mattress below.

Your hands gripped his shoulders, balling the soft fabric of his shirt. Bucky shifted his weight, settling a thick thigh between your legs to press against the heat radiating from your soon to be throbbing center. He groaned as your dull fingernails indented half moons into his exposed skin, badges of honor in his opinion.

*

“Dolly, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to be with you.” He pressed open mouthed kisses to your neck, feeling his dick begin to pulse against you.

You felt Bucky’s hands trail down your body to your waistline, tugging at the soft material of your sweatpants. Your breath began to quicken as he pulled your pants down your legs. Just as they dropped to the floor, Bucky’s eyes immediately met yours, foregoing the newly exposed skin.

“Let’s make this even, dolly.” He pulled you up, standing at the foot of his bed and placing your hands on the band of his shorts. You could feel the elastic material of his boxers cutting into his skin just under the plush fabric of his shorts.

His pants joined yours on the ground as he went to remove both of your shirts. You hadn’t been doing anything terribly important earlier in the day so the decision to not wear a bra was one of comfort. Now though, you kind of wished there was yet another step Bucky would have to take to see you.

Bucky’s hands fell to your rib cage, thumbs grazing the sides of your boobs. One slight reposition and he would be cupping your boob in his hand. Your fingers grasped his wrist, eyes darting to his before he could move any further.

“What’s wrong?”

You swallowed the lump stuck at the base of your throat, “I’m just-- nervous? I guess.”

Bucky leant forward, cupping your cheeks. “I’m not going to push you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. If I do, please stop me. Okay?”

“Okay.” You met his eyes before pushing forward and locking lips with him. Bucky released a grunt of approval before returning in kind.

He broke the kiss before you, replacing his hands on your ribs. “Lay on your stomach for me dolly.”

Your heart began to pound hard enough you thought Bucky could hear it. Turning away from him, you attempted to seductively crawl on top of his bed, but you’re sure you looked like an injured gazelle.

Bucky’s hands came in contact with the backs of your calves, the juxtaposition of his hands causing a shiver to race up your spine. He breathed a laugh onto your skin, stamping butterfly kisses on your back.

Everytime Bucky got close to where you wanted him, he would immediately back off and start the process over again. Tracing his hands up your legs, little kisses on your shoulders, the dip of your spine, blowing cold air on your lower back, then retreat. He seemed to revel in your whines as they only served to prolong his torture.

“Bucky please.” You breathed into the comforter below you. He mumbled into your skin, words you couldn’t make out.

“I’m getting there, dolly.” He flipped you over, making you release a squeal and then stare at him with wide eyes. “Let me enjoy my meal.”

His tongue darted out, tracing the gusset of your underwear. A breathy moan left your lips and Bucky took the time to wrap his arms around your thighs to keep them spread. His nose nudged against your clit, loving the sharp intake of breath that met his ears.

“Oh goodness.” Your thighs tensed at the feeling of Bucky’s lips beginning to suction around your throbbing clit. He continued to mouth at your center, the fabric starting to become sticky with your juices. Shots of pleasure ran through your body as Bucky licked.

“I’ve never been happier than right now.” He pulled back a bit, turning his head to press the words into your thigh. You felt his right arm shift as his fingers began to trace your slit.

“Dolly, you’re so wet for me. Am I making you feel good?” He tilted his head against your lower thigh, watching your face as he continued to feel your wetness.

“Am I? Talk to me, Y/N.” He pressed harder at the top of your slit, feeling the engorged clit underneath the thoroughly soaked fabric.

“Yes-- yes, you are.” You reached down, fingers winding into the dark locks on his head. “Please, Bucky.”

His eyes lulled up to yours, watching your reaction as he pulled the crotch of your underwear to the side. It took everything in you to not let yourself completely disappear into the sheets, but god you were glad you didn’t.

“Fuck me, dolly.” Bucky leaned forward, flattening his tongue up your slit. “You taste so good.” He continued to lick, repositioning with both of his arms around your thighs. Bucky pressed his face further into your center, He groaned as the gusset of your underwear attempted to interrupt his meal.

“Fuckin’ hell.”

You let out a small groan when Bucky removed his mouth only to feel the fabric of your underwear down your legs.

“You still doin’ okay, dolly?” He suctioned around your clit as he saw your mouth open to answer him. You felt him smile into your slit, then abruptly felt his tongue roll against your clit.

“Bucky?” You were nervous to ask, but you wanted to experience this.

“Mmhm?” His head tilted to the side, but he didn’t stop his fondling.

“Will you--” You paused as Bucky crawled up your body, pressing kisses into your skin. “Will you make my legs shake?”

Bucky’s head whipped up, eyes meeting yours with a fire blazing behind his. His jaw tensed and you weren’t entirely sure what he was thinking.

“It would be my goddamn pleasure, Y/N.”

*

You felt fingers in your hair as you were roused from a peaceful sleep. Your nose scrunched as you buried your face further into the warm pillow beneath you.

“Don’t start something you aren’t ready to finish, dolly.”

Bucky’s gruff voice sounded off from above your head, his fingers still fumbling in your hair. His opposite hand was tracing random shapes onto your exposed shoulder. You pulled back a bit, a smile working its way across your face as you looked up to him.

“You feel okay, dolly?”

You went to answer when the door of Bucky’s room burst inward with Sam tossing a water bottle toward the bed.

“Yo! If we’re going to get this run in this morning we’ve gotta get cracking!”

“Sam!” Bucky yanked the covers over your shoulders, concealing you from Sam’s view.

“Oh my god!” Sam backed out of the doorway only to turn his head and shout, “Nat! Nat! Natasha!”

“Why the hell are you yelling at me?” Sam pointed into Bucky’s room where you were cuddled against Bucky’s bare chest. “What’s up, Y/N?”

“Hi, Nat.” Your voice was soft as Bucky played with the ends of your hair.

“Leg shake?”

“Big time.”

“Okay! Everyone out of my room, I’ve got a girl to ravage again!” Bucky quickly turned and covered your body with his as Natasha and Sam left the room in a fit of giggles.

[httpiastri]

PERFECTLY FINE – PAUL INTRO

series masterlist

you can't recall the day that you first started crushing on paul.

ever since you became teammates when you were 15, you were drawn to him. something between you, paul and dino just clicked; you all became best friends instantly. every race weekend was spent bonding over shared victories, helping each other through the highs and lows, and of course fooling around like the teenagers you were. you were all inseparable.

one day, you fantasized about being with paul. just for fun, just to think about what it would be like.

it was like opening pandora's box. from that day on, you could never go back to how it was not daydreaming about paul.

it all happened so suddenly. instead of being regular teammates, you unexpectedly found yourself wishing you were more than just that. you found yourself accidentally staring at him in team meetings, your eyes following the curls of his hair and that sweet grin of his. you found yourself smiling a little too much around him, giggling at every semi-bad joke he told. and you found yourself craving his attention and approval, always longing for your next interaction with him.

it was so different – and yet, it felt like it was the only thing you'd ever known.

most people around you said that you were lucky to be a june child; getting to have your parties out in the warm weather, getting tanlines and beach visits as birthday presents, and your sunshine-filled day being longer than most others.

but personally, you never saw the joy in it. racing was usually the most hectic around your birthday, giving you no time off to celebrate or rest. the sun shining just meant more sweat in the racing suit and more degradation of your tyres.

another thing that sucks about it is that almost all of your friends' birthdays are much earlier in the year than yours.

jak got to experience being 18 for a whole month before you got to join the party; paul and dino turned 18 over a year before you did.

your two teammates even turned 19 before you could finally turn legal. not fair.

it was frustrating, and sometimes even a little humiliating. despite being mature for your age, you still hated being younger – maybe mostly because you were sure paul wouldn't find you as interesting anymore when he was suddenly all adult and you were still merely sixteen for a few more months.

but on the contrary, as the year of 2022 rolled around, he found you more interesting.

when he wanted to go out to celebrate after a good race, he always did his best to find ways to get you into the club, too. and if you weren't allowed, he would celebrate with you in another way.

he never let you feel forgotten or like you weren't his priority,

because you always were.

‎‎‎ ‎

your birthday gift for your seventeenth birthday wasn't just a beach party.

for your seventeenth birthday, paul gave you a kiss. and then another.

and then you gave him one back, as if to thank him. and from there on, there was never a doubt.

the kisses he gave you always swept you off your feet. there was something about the way his hand rested underneath your jaw, the way his nose brushed against yours before sealing your lips, the way he tilted his head to gain perfect access. something about it was so different, so special.

he may have not been your first kiss – damn that boy in your sixth-year maths class for stealing that honor from paul – but he was your first everything else.

your first real relationship. first real fight.

the first boy you ever loved; the first boy you ever cried over.

the first time you let someone see the raw, unfiltered version of yourself.

your first "i hate you!" to a boy you loved; and then your first kiss in the rain, clothes and hair soaked through, with warm tears streaming down your cheeks as you thought about how stupid you were to ever doubt being with him.

your first real brush with vulnerability.

the first boy who made you feel truly alive, yet painfully aware of your own mortality.

the first one to teach you that love isn't always easy, but it's worth suffering for.

the first person you went to for help when the world crumbled beneath you.

the first person who told you that your love was beautiful; the first person to convince you that it was so stunning it could be a masterpiece, painted with the colors of your pretty laughter and soft smiles.

‎‎‎ ‎

the first boy to ever try to climb up to your third-floor balcony in milton keynes because you were ignoring him after a fight. the first boy to ever fall down a tree after using it to climb up to said balcony. the first time you rushed down the stairs in your apartment building in less than a minute because you were so scared you almost couldn't breathe. the first time you kissed a boy's hurting wrist that he used to break his fall with after the earlier mentioned fall. the first time you ever made up with a boy on the patch of grass outside of your apartment after you both had apologized profusely, hugging more tightly than ever because you were terrified of the thought of ever losing each other.

granted, your apartment building is no skyscraper, but your balcony is many meters up in the air. only a lunatic would attempt to climb all the way up to you.

the thing is... for you, paul was a lunatic.

for that eighteenth birthday you'd longed so much for, you got an early gift.

a broken relationship.

things had been headed south for a long time. the passion wasn't strong enough of a glue to hold all of the broken pieces of your heart together anymore. things were getting too much, too heavy, too tiring.

it was just a few nights before your birthday that you sat down together in his hotel room in barcelona, both quiet for a long time. there was not much left to say.

the last few weeks had been a roller coaster; you'd cried, screamed, and made up on repeat. but you knew you couldn't go on like this.

"we're tearing each other apart," you had told him, not daring to meet his eyes. "can't you tell?"

he didn't answer.

"i'm exhausted. i need a break."

"from what? from me?"

"from everything."

and then it was over. at least, on paper it was – but in your heart? probably not.

you weren't sure if your feelings for him could ever be over.

[alpaca-clouds]

Travel is good, tourism isn't

I said in the blog yesterday, that I think travel is good, but tourism isn't. So, let me explain this. And I will put this here first: I am going to explain it on the example of Japan, because I know the most about what is happening there in terms of travel and tourism - and what issues arise from it.

See, I do think travelling to foreign places (whatever that means for you) is a good thing. Experiencing other cultures and interacting people who due to their culture have a very different outlook on life and the world is a good thing. Not only to move away from a certain worldview (which for white people tends to be an eurocentric one, and for Americans an US-centric one), it also fosters empathy to other people.

And I think of this dramatic thing especially when it comes to Americans travelling, who due to their lacking education system often do know jack shit about the rest of the world.

However: I do both think that the thing we right now call tourism does not really help, but actually does hinder this - and is harmful in many other ways.

Right now, foreign tourists are no longer allowed in Gion, the Geisha quarter of Kyoto. The reason for it is, that too many of them were fucking disrespectful. Some made photos of the Geisha without asking, some even touched the kimono and the hair of the Geisha. Some even got angry and started arguing, when people told them to not do this.

Especially when it comes to Kyoto I can think of a variet of other examples. People have carved their names into temples. People touched things that are not supposed to be touched (like idols). People otherwise behaved inappropriately, for example towards kannushi and mikos. Folks have bathed their feet in pools meant for ritual cleansing. There are a lot of examples of this.

And I think part of this goes back to two things. For one again eurocentrism and the way, that a lot of especially white folks to not perceive other cultures as real. But also, and maybe more importantly, the mindset that: "I have paid $1500 for this trip and I get to very well do what I want." The different culture in this mindset gets treated like a themepark, not as a place filled with real people, rather than performers there to enhance the tourist's experience.

Meanwhile the tourists generally are not really interested to interact with the other culture further than that. Which is also, why they tend to flock to the same few places, to all go make their own photo of the same place that a million people have photographed before - as compared to going exploring in a foreign place.

And in some cases - like Kyoto - this also leads to the fact that the local people often get pushed out of the places they actually live in.

A lot of people will often say: "Yeah, but it is great for their economy." Which... leaving my capitalism-hating-ideation aside for a moment... Well, actually it is not good and COVID showed us. Because it makes the economy totally depedent on tourism. In places that are heavily dependent on tourism, the sudden complete anihilation of tourism with the pandemic pushed those places further into a crisis than anywhere else. Heck, keeping it with Kyoto: Given a lot of folks had jobs related to the tourism industry and there were in fact not many other jobs, a lot of people found themselves forced to move away from Kyoto during the pandemic.

So while the entire "but economy" thing will seem true on a short term, it actually is not on the long term.

And that is without going into the environmental impact that comes from a lot of people flocking to certain places. This is shown especially in areas, where folks go for "nature", destroying nature while they do so. Because nature just cannot handle thousands upon thousands of people travelling through.

So, what do I mean with "travel, instead of tourism"? Well, frankly: Yes, you still go to other places. But - to keep with Japan - instead of going to Kyoto you might go to Morigushi or Beppo, and instead of touring from one temple and shrine to the next, you will just interact with the places and explore them. To actually experience them, rather than some preconscieved notion of what it is supposed to be. And you interact with the people.

And you learn. Because we all just need to learn about different people, different cultures and different places. Rather than just consuming them.

[short-honey-badger]

Peppermint Tea 10

Late night post! Couldn't sleep! Have some tooth rotting fluff!

Masterlist

The days dragged on, Mihawk actually busy for once with Navy orders to investigate a new emergence of rookie pirates at the edges of Doflamingo's territory. The world leaders knew that the pink moron would rather turn a blind eye to any criminal activity in his region. 

Even with his experience with much of the Grand Line and the New World, it still took Dracule a few days past a month for him to even return back to Gloom Island. He found that he missed you terribly, to the point that even Perona had pointed out his less than stellar mood. Not that he was ever really expressive anyway. Mihawk ignored her questions as he packed his ship once more for another week of travel. 

Perona floated after him, a scowl on her pretty face, “You just got back, and you're already leaving again? Why? What about me?” 

Hawkeye rolled his eyes, “I have a life outside of this castle, Perona,” he groused out and carefully stacked the books he had mentally chosen on his way back to Gloom Island. Last time he had seen you, you were particularly interested in the Blues. One of the thick tomes he'd picked would be a perfect gift for you. 

“You didn't three months ago,” She snapped back at him and crossed her arms in a pout. She hated being ignored! What was she supposed to do all alone in this dreary old castle? Zoro wasn't here to entertain her any longer. 

Dracule sighs, sweeping his hand through his hair and leveling the ghost girl a look, “It's rude to dig into other people's business. So stay out of mine,” He points out and then closes the bag full of books. Another smaller satchel rests at his feet, though that one is full of small trinkets from his foray into the New World. 

Usually, he strayed away from the market stalls and overpriced jewelry, but a small wind chime made of green sea glass had caught his eye. Dracule had paid for it without looking at the price and then continued on his way, unconsciously keeping a lookout for anything else that he thought you may like. 

The warlord may or may not have ended up with a few more than he had even meant to buy, but Mihawk thought about the look of joy that would cross your face at his gifts, and pushed the thought of how many he'd gotten away. 

“Well someone should be in your business! You've been so sneaky, Dracy! I want to know what you've been up to!” Perona demands again with a huff. She doesn't care that it's rude to butt into his business. He took care of her, let her stay on Gloom Island, and hadn't kicked her out like she knew he could. Perona would look after him, too! 

“Give it up, Perona,” Dracule grumbled, tone final as he picked up both bags and slung them over his shoulder. He fixed his hat with his free hand and then marched out of his study without a word to the floating pink girl. 

Mihawk wouldn't lie and say that he didn't feel at least the tiniest bit bad for lying to Perona. He did care for the girl, in a way like one would a stray cat. But she also had a big mouth, and Dracule had already slipped up once with Shanks. He couldn't do that again. 

The ghost girl pouted behind him as she followed the warlord all the way outside and to his ship. A frown took over her face when she noticed that he was packed as if he would be gone for a while. The ship looked more crowded than usual, and she wondered what Mihawk had stored away. 

“Well. How long will you be gone for?” Perona asks quietly and tries not to let it show how upset she actually was with Dracule leaving already. 

The older man sighs, stepping off his ship to trudge back inside the castle, “I won't be leaving until tomorrow. The trip takes around a week. I plan to stay for at least four days and then a week trip back,” Dracule says and makes sure to keep everything as vague as possible. He glances at the young girl and rolls his eyes when she still looks upset. 

“We will go shopping when I come back. Will that appease you?” Mihawk asks, and it's like a light switch. 

Perona grins in excitement. Shopping with Mihawk means getting whatever she wants. The warlord had more than enough berri to spend. 

“Fine! But I want to go to the best places, Mihawk! You owe me that,” She demands and crosses her arms in a huff, ready to argue her case if denied. 

“As long as it keeps you quiet,” Dracule says instead, and Perona just sticks her nose up in the air again as she floats away to her room. This wasn't over! She would find out what had suddenly taken all of Mihawk's attention. 

Dracule watches the pink girl leave with a fond sigh. He sits in his chair and reaches down to retrieve a bottle of wine from inside his desk. He pops it to let it air and then pours himself a careful glassful. Mihawk admires the red and thinks back on how this same brand of wine had stained your pretty lips. 

Now alone, the warlord allows his mind to drift without worry, eyes closing as he thinks back to the last time he was with you. His overly romantic thoughts have him sneering at himself, as if he were some prince come to sweep you off your feet. Dracule sips his wine. 

He likes to think that it's the other way around. For the most part, life had before a melancholy bore to Mihawk. Either following the government's orders to look for a good fight or nap the day away in his ship. Little caught and held his attention, but you? You are an entirely different story. 

Mihawk had never met someone so sheltered, only knowing of the world through waterlogged books and from the kindness of any pirate that may have washed up on your beach. From what Dracule has gathered, he has been one of the very few who hasn't tried to kill you. 

You were kind and intelligent. He loved the way that your eyes would light up whenever he spoke of what he knew, always excited to acquire more knowledge. Mihawk found that he wanted to teach to show you everything that he knew. 

He frowns suddenly and thinks back to the rather innocent question that had made anger and panic race through him. You wanted to know about him, not his knowledge, and it made him antsy. You didn't deserve to know the hardships and pain that he has gone through to get to where he is today. You did not need to be aware of the atrocities that he has committed over the years. Dracule Mihawk is not a kind man, and his past certainly reflects it. 

Mihawk would tell you more in time, but for now, Dracule wanted to be selfish. Wanted to hoard you away from the world and keep you safe like a dragon would its treasure. And maybe that is what you were to him. A pirate needed treasure, after all. 

The warlord finishes his glass and then stands, intending to fix himself and his ward dinner. He would leave at first light tomorrow morning, not later than that. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Hank whines at your feet, big puppy dog eyes catching your attention from where you sit slouched at your kitchen table. It's been a month and a half, and still, there has been no sign of Dracule. He had promised that he would be back, and the man didn't seem like the kind to break those, but it still made you worry for him. 

Was he okay? Did whatever business he had to attend go bad? Did a seaking attack him and somehow get the better of him? You have no idea, and your chest hurts at all the horrible possibilities that could befall your friend. 

Were you friends? Did that term apply to the two of you? The few romance books that you'd been able to cobble together didn't make it seem like the two of you were just friends. Was he your boyfriend? Partner? Lover? Again, another countless item that you did not know, however, you resolved to amend that when Dracule returned. Whenever that may be. 

“I know, Buddy. I'm sorry that I'm being such a sad sap,” You lament to your pooch and lean down to give the shaggy dog a scratch under his chin. 

Hank's woofs at, and you watch in suspicion when his ears suddenly snap back, and he wheels around to start barking at the front door. You frown as you get up and follow him, curious as to what got Hank's attention. 

That frown turns upside down when the door opens, and Dracule Mihawk strides in like he owns the place. He sets down several bags and pats Hank's head with a soft smirk before the mutt’s attention is caught by something outside. He bounds away, leaving you and Mihawk staring at one another. 

“Snow Angel,” He begins and takes a half step forward, but that's as far as he gets before you slam into him, Snow exploding around the two of you as you bury your face in his chest. You don't even care that his cross necklace is digging into your face. 

“You're back,” you cry. And when did that start? Oh, we'll. You pull away and wipe your eyes, though you can't help the tremble in your bottom lip, “I was worried that something might have happened to you.” 

Warm, calloused hands close around your freezing face, and Dracule leans in to rest his brow against your own. The feather on his hat tickles your face, but you ignore it, not taking your eyes away from the beautiful yellow ones that demand your attention. 

“There is little out there that could truly hurt me, Dear one,” Mihawk says in such a sure tone that you have no choice but to believe him. He strokes your cheeks, wiping away your tears with a soft smile meant only for you, “Though I do appreciate the thought that you worried for me so.” 

You sniff and send him a glare at his teasing. Damn this man and what he does to you. What you hardly understand. 

“You're really that strong?” You find yourself asking him, and lean back to observe his chiseled physique and the sword on his back. A funny feeling shoots through your stomach when you lay eyes on the cross guard, and you frown at the negativity of the emotion. 

You're so focused that you don't notice Dracule's hesitation, though you are quick to tune back in when he speaks. 

“I am. One of my proudest titles is the Greatest Swordsman in the world,” Mihawk admits, and you can't help but think that this is an important event for him, and you delight in knowing that he was finally giving you a peek inside of who he really is.

“It sounds like you've worked very hard for it,” you say softly and reach up to cup his hands with your own, thumbs swiping gently over his knuckles.  

“I did, still do. It is a title that I will happily defend,” Dracule murmurs and slips a hand free so that he can curl his arm around your waist. You shiver at the warmth he emits, and finally feel like you can breathe properly once again. Before you can comment further, Mihawk is twisting the two of you around and backing you up against the door, “Enough of that. Do kiss me, sweet thing. I have missed your taste.” 

Your back hits the door, and then his lips are upon your, closing over your own in a heated exchange that has one of your hands sliding into his hair and pulling him closer. You kiss him back like your life depends on it, opening up for him when Mihawk's tongue licks the seam of your lips. A choked moan leaves your throat when that hot muscle sweeps inside and curls around your tongue. 

Dracule slows, this kiss turning less frantic with need and more passionate, soft pecks of the lips that still leave your heart racing but in an entirely different way. He leaves one last lingering kiss to your cheek and then pulls away to tuck your head under his chin. You take advantage and cuddle close to him, arms dropping to wrap around his waist. You hum when his grip on you tightens. 

“I missed you,” you murmur quietly, and Dracule kisses the top of your head. 

“I know, dear. I longed for you as well,” he says, and your heart flutters at his words. Did he long for you? Did he pine like the men from your storybooks? 

“Wh-What are we?” You ask before you can stop the damming words coming out of your mouth. You flush and bury your face in the crook of his neck, “I know that we're friends, right? But I don't think friends kiss and, um, touch the way we do.” 

Dracule listens to you babble, finding it endearing that you wanted his opinion on this.

 “You can call what we have whatever you like,” He decides on and then catches your chin to lift your face and place a quick kiss to your lips, “But no matter what you choose, you are my treasure.” 

You can't find any kind of words to say to that, so you just reach for him to pepper his face with kisses, giggling when his facial hair tickles your face. Mihawk allows your fun for a whole before he puts a stop to it by flicking you in the forehead. 

“It's later than I intended to arrive, Darling,” Dracule scolds with a smirk and turns to the two of you around and gently pushes you to the kitchen, “You remember how I showed you to properly open a bottle of wine, right?” 

You laugh and dance into the kitchen, gathering the glasses that he had brought from last time and showing him that you did remember his instructions. You haven't touched the dangerous red liquid since that night, but you know that Dracule enjoys having a glass or four in the evening. 

The two of you settle in the living room afterwards, and Dracule sets his wine down long enough to retrieve the smaller bag. He opens it up, and you watch in growing panic as Mihawk pulls several boxes out of the drawstring. He hands over the largest of the parcels. 

“Open them, please,” Dracule instructs, and you set your own mug away to carefully tug at the delicate purple ribbon that holds the box shut. A gasp leaves you when you take the lid off, and you reverently pull out the beautiful green sea glass and delicate metal tubes attached to the fishing line. 

“What is it?” You ask and raise it up to better examine it in the setting sun that streams through your window. You gasp in delight when you hear the melodic echo at the slightest movement. 

“A wind chime. We can hang it wherever the wind blows most,” Dracule suggests, and you nod eagerly as you set the chimes back inside the box for safekeeping. Miahwk takes it away only to replace it with another. 

You end up with a fish bone comb that has been chiseled by masterful hands. A full sand dollar that you are extra careful with, and a large piece of red glass from a broken bottle that has been sanded and polished to a shine. Each item is handpicked just for you. 

Dracule looks like a smug cat, lips tugged up in a smirk as he watches you reverently put away your gifts. You agree to hang up the wind chime in the morning and open his arms for you to fall into. You gladly do, holding Mihawk close and not ever wanting to let go. 

It's quiet between two of you, a comfortable air that puts you at ease. At some point, Mihawk takes up the book, the one that you had read to him from, and begins to read. His soft timber is enough to send you into a light doze, and he slows to a stop, not wanting you to miss anything. 

“Darling, if you are so tired, let's get you to bed, yes?” Mihawk murmurs and rolls his eyes when all you do is give a sleepy nod. He shifts forward and then stands with you in his arms, tracing the now familiar path back to your bedroom. 

Dracule tucks you in, content to leave you for the night, but he doesn't get far before your pitiful voice rings out, “Stay here with me?” 

The warlord is already sitting on the bed and tugging his boot off. You watch with squinted eyes as Mihawk reaches for his belt, sliding it out of the loops and sliding his pants off. You admire his lean form dressed only in black men's underwear. He is radiant, and it makes you a little nervous to have him so undressed and in your bed no less. 

You toss back the blankets and Dracule slips in beside you. It's a little awkward at first, but then you can feel how much heat he is radiating and desperately wants to know how it feels to have so much of his exposed skin touching you. You roll over to face him, smiling in the dim light of the moon when you realize that he's been watching you the whole time. 

“I know you're cold,” Mihawk whispers, and you can hear that knowing, teasing tone that you have missed so much. “Come here, Snow Angel.” 

You don't have to be told twice, happily closing the distance and tossing your arm over his waist, head pillowed on his chest. You press your freezing feet against his legs and are treated with the rare sight of his eyes going wide and a hiss like a cat escaping his mouth. 

You snicker and get pinched in the side for your trouble, but you can't bring yourself to care. This night couldn't get any better. 

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