Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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if i were a fantasy protagonist i would NOT be seduced by promises of power but i WOULD be seduced by an illusory life of peace and tranquility. an evil wizard would go like "give up on trying to kill me and you can chill in this beautiful magic meadow for the rest of eternity" and i'm already nodding yes. "IT'S NOT REAL!" my companions would scream, but i don't care. i'm in the wizard mind prison eating grapes, soaking up a sunbeam. someone else can fight a dragon. it's literally not my business anymore.
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i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice
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more treasure planet au (ft. Bruce & Viva!)
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An unbothered queen has entered, and subsequently left.
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Prompt 74
When a new black-haired blue-eyed person appeared in the manor, one could easily be forgiven for thinking that Bruce’s adoption problem had struck again. So color many a batkid surprised that no, this kid isn’t a new sibling, no he didn’t get grabbed from the street, and actually he’s here for Alfred.
Apparently Alfred never found it important to mentioned that he has a husband- that the kid kind of implies isn’t human what with the casual way he says he himself is half human- and that this kid is apparently their child. For once it’s Bruce’s turn to come home to a surprise sibling.
Danny on the other hand just learned that his Clockpa has a semi-mortal partner who has offered to take him in, (in another dimension even! And there’s aliens!!) while the ancient takes care of some stuff at home.
And yeah it’s in a rich-manor but Sam has proved that not all rich people are evil, and based off of Mr Pennyworth’s stories the Waynes weren’t bad either. Though based off of the others’ reactions perhaps he should wait to mention that there wasn’t one new family member but three…
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eleven is fascinating to me because he came right off the back of tens horrible traumatic breakdown after he lost everything and he immediately tried to establish himself as the opposite of that. he is funny and goofy and almost childlike, and he bulldozes on in his adventures with amy like nothing happened at all. but then something happens and his masks slips and it's like oh! the core of this man is still anger. he is so so angry all of the time and this façade is the only thing stopping him from being consumed by it. he isn't over any of it and he hasn't moved on. he is wearing a fez and laughing but under that all that exists is age old anger and grief and it is going to consume him
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moment of appreciation again for what is possibly my favourite later game percy quote that everyone always forgets about
(said to vex, of course)
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Prettiest couple🌙✨
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It's been a while since a hyperfixation gripped me this bad- I've been obsessed for a while now and yeah Vox is holding me hostage pff
I had drawn this picture like two months ago and it had been the first (and definitively not last..I'm so sorry) time drawing the boy <33
_
And because I'm seeing way too many people steal art in this fandom: I do not give you my consent to repost my drawings, without asking me first
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▲ "Why don't you set it off now and then just be done with it!"
▽ "Set it off now…?" *gets a wild idea* *is totally calculated*
The final piece for our August Magma event!
My personal presentation of Emmet is greatly influenced by Basil from The Great Mouse Detective! His confidence, genius, pride, partially the eccentricity and even gestures feel they match his personality well! Basil in turn is inspired by Sherlock Holmes...
Emmet would make a fantastic detective, just saying~
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One thing I wish I'd see more of among Ratio fans is some thought about how he views himself as a teacher.
Like yes, of course he refuses to compromise on the quality and rigor of the education he imparts, and he would find it unforgivably unethical to lower his standards in order to pass more students who had not genuinely learned the material. This is core to his character.
However, as someone who is a teacher IRL, I know the absolutely miserable feeling setting that kind of standard can cause. There's the obvious disheartening sense of disappointment ("Are students these days really not capable of doing the work correctly? Is our future in danger, if this is the highest level of understanding our current generation of students can achieve?"), but even worse than that is the self-doubt.
"Is this somehow my fault? Am I not teaching this material in the right ways for the students to learn? Is there something I could have done differently to get through to these students? Would a better teacher have a higher passing rate?"
We know that Ratio does (or at least did) struggle with feeling inferior to the Genius Society, so I think it is also likely, as much as he absolutely will not budge on his academic standards, that he has doubts about his teaching ability as well.
This is the man who wants to educate the entire world to cure the disease of ignorance, and yet only 3% of his actual students are able to get there. How can someone who gets so few of his direct students to a state of enlightenment hope to enlighten the whole universe? If so few students are successfully learning the material of a given class, doesn't that mean the teacher is doing something wrong?Would a better teacher--would a genius, maybe--not be able to impart their knowledge more efficiently and educate even the most challenging of students?
As someone constantly struggling with that balance between keeping academic standards high while also meeting the needs of today's students, I think the passing rates of his courses must affect Dr. Ratio much more deeply than I've seen fans discuss. I think he would question himself harshly over his class success rates, and I think he must be constantly trying to push himself to become the best teacher he possibly can be.
tl;dr: I hope one day the HSR fandom will stop sleeping on the fact that Ratio is an actual practicing professor who probably has astronomical levels of teacher angst. 😂
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treasure planet au, last of the batch (Poppy & Floyd)
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Kareman Dohan (@karemandohan1999), a brave teacher from Khan Yunis, reached out to me in this time of dire need where all her immense courage and determination is still reaching the limits of what she can do to support her family without external intervention.
Her husband, Ayman, is a business administrative graduate who had to work as a fisherman due to the unemployment crisis in Gaza prior to the war.
Together, they have a beautiful son named Hamoud, who is 1 and a half and dreams of a prosperous life far from this violence none of them deserve.
While they are currently stuck in a war zone and cannot yet hope to leave, we can still come together to help them endure these horrendous waiting conditions and help them weather this dreadful storm.
And then, eventually, let's get them out of there altogether. 💪💪💪
. 🇵🇸 8,664 / 50,000 USD 🇵🇸
Vetted here.
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The girls are plottinggggg
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