whiskered · 1 year ago
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color me intrigued 👀
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halfbit · 5 months ago
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i am getting started on productivity for the night but haven't figured out yet if i want to write or art first and there's also the tiny part of my brain that just wants to stare at kabru until it is ok to stop staring at kabru
#i don't talk about fandom stuff much here since i don't really get involved with it#but i do fixate on characters and right now i am circling around him like a wolf#tempted to draw him too but i can never capture his big beautiful eyes properly#i've also been tempted to draw beefcake laios but UHHhh thats for another day and i dont know if i will share that LOL#i finished the manga but i haven't had the energy to watch more of the show so i'm just thinking about the characters on my own and going :#also contemplating if i should draw a pride pfp (unrelated)#basically there is so much to do and it is overwhelming to work through the list#and i keep wanting to add more to it#also need to promo my commissions again more and add those sketches still but trying to figure out how to price them and don't have the#energy to type up explanations for them yet blagh#and i'm trying to balance that “realistically- i need more income coming in” with also “but i can't overwhelm myself with tasks”#<- which is very unambiguously clear that i do that just fine even without working on things for other people#is it obvious that my therapist relocated and i haven't been given a new one yet.#i can therapize myself So Good (actually overthinking and spiraling)#<- but please do not worry this is actually not a bad spiral which is good it is just a “things to do” spiral but it is fortunately#missing the key component of doom and horror and the world ending because i did not accomplish everything right#which is what a bad spiral contains and i've actually been on a pretty good streak avoiding those lately in spite of circumstances!#but if i linger on it it will probably turn into a lie so i will stop doing that#speaking of shows i watched the new episode of kaiju no. 8 today and i am just aggghrrhekrjskfj#i love hoshina so much#and he's been getting a lot of focus in these episodes so im happy#i love the way they animate his fights like!! wow#i need to watch them all on sakugabooru later#but i can't tonight if i want to do things#but i will later because they deserve frame-by-frameing#also i'm going to go pick up two volumes of wind breaker tomorrow i think#unfortunately i ordered them before i learned my hours were getting cut but#i have enough to cover my bills this month and since i'm not buying lunches or dinner for myself anymore because i'm not leaving the house#i'd rather just get them now instead of worrying about someone else buying them if i take too long#and let that be my last personal purchase for awhile
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t-girl-samus · 2 years ago
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Quick vent post in tags
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lavenderspence · 5 months ago
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To Lean On You | Spencer Reid
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Content Warning: post prison!Spencer, mentions of addiction, prison talk (typical for the prison arc), gun use, mentions of death, suggestive themes, idiots in love, angst, so much angst.
Word Count: 8.6K
Summary: You and Spencer wasted years, truths hidden, feelings uncertain, and a fear of the unrequited. It took ten weeks, isolated, silent, and broken, for the realization to strike. There was no life, if you didn’t have each other. 
A/N: It’s finally here! Wow, writing this was a wild ride, honestly. Over a month of writing, blood, sweat, and tears poured over it (there were in fact some tears). This is also the first thing I’ve written in 3 years and I'm very happy to finally be out of my slump. It's probably the angstiest thing I've written ever, and at the same time, I feel like it's not the greatest, but deep down, I still love it, haha. Let me know if I've missed any warnings. And, enjoy and any feedback is appreciated. <3
Here are some of the songs I listened to while writing this if you want to get into the mood:
Hearts by Jessie Ware
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived by Taylor Swift
Lost Without You by Freya Ridings
In This Shirt by The Irresponssibles
masterlist
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79 days, 3 hours, and 27 minutes - that’s how long it’s been since he got arrested in Mexico.
70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes since you saw him being pulled out of the courtroom after he was deemed a flight risk and denied bail. 70 days, 6 hours, and 13 minutes have passed since you last saw him.
65 days, 7 hours, and 11 minutes, since he was transferred to Millburn Correctional Facility, and this whole nightmare, had started. 
Per Penelope’s carefully crafted schedule, every team member has made numerous trips to visit Spencer - every member except you. You’d only made one trip out, and that had been 3 days after he’d been transferred.
March 4th, 2017
It’s been 8 days since you saw him led in cuffs out of that courtroom, where Penelope had broken down in Luke’s arms, everyone too shocked to make a sound. He’d looked back, his eyes meeting yours briefly, and it had been as if you’d almost seen your reflection in the mirror, every emotion had run between you both in a matter of seconds. 
Shock, you’d almost been sure they would grant bail, and you’d be able to take him home. Almost. 
Fear, for his future and his well-being. Fear of the uncertain. 
Desperation, the desire to run to him and take him into your arms, finally, and to not let go. 
Except you’d held his gaze for as long as you could before you’d looked down and turned your head to save him from seeing you break down in tears. You’d made a hasty escape after that, not sparing any of your teammates a glance, and walked out of the courthouse, stopping by a tree outside. The urge to curl up into a ball and hide, pretending none of this had happened, was strong, and then a hand wrapped around your shoulder. You had turned around, only to see Rossi and one of his sad little smiles, the ones you rarely saw.
“It’s going to be okay,” he’d said, squeezing your shoulder. ”The kid is strong.”
You’d sniffled, trying to hide the tears in your voice. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure I am," you’d whispered in despair. 
You were better than you had been 8 days ago, calmer. Although still heartbroken, you were looking forward to seeing him, seeing with your eyes that he was okay. Garcia had seen him, 2 days ago, before you’d been sent out on a case.  
“He looks good. I mean, as good as that big genius brain of his can look in prison. His eyes were sad though, really, really sad.” She’d paused as if to assure herself it would be alright, “I’m sure he’s looking forward to seeing you, sweetness.” She’d squeezed your hand, but her statement hadn’t rung true. 
Your hands were shaking, you weren’t sure what from. The anticipation you’d felt? The nerves? Or the words you had a hard time coming to terms with.
“I’m sorry, but your name isn’t on Spencer Reid’s approved visitor list,” the guard at the checkpoint had said after rechecking the list. 
“There has to be a mistake, I made an appointment,” you insisted, feeling yourself unravel. It wasn’t possible, you knew for a fact you were on that list, Emily had made sure of that.
“Look, lady. There are only 10 names on that list, and yours is not one of them. Now, you need to move, because there are people here waiting to see their loved ones.” you’d hiccuped and turned around, walking to the lockers to unlock your gun, badge, and phone. 
“I’m here to see a loved one.” You’d wanted to scream, but you knew it would have been futile. There wasn’t anything you could do at that moment. 
You walked to your car, dialing Emily’s number, “This is Prentiss.”  
For a second, only your breathing could be heard over the sound of the wind, and then a tiny sniffle. You wiped at your eyes and nose, and then spoke up, barely, “Why am I not on Spencer’s approved visitor list?” 
“What do you mean? Every member of this team is on the list. So is his lawyer and Diana, even Derek,” you could hear the surprise in her voice, yet you couldn’t keep calm any longer.
"They refused to let me see him! I made the appointment, Emily, and I came, hoping I’d finally see him hear his voice, and ask him-” Your voice broke mid-sentence, and after taking a deep breath, you continued, “Ask him if he was okay, and I was denied because out of the 10 names on that list, it seems mine’s not one of them.” You finished defeated, barely above a whisper.
All was silent for the moment, save for what you could hear was Penelope’s voice on the other end of the line, quietly asking what was going on, “Let me call Fiona and the warden, and I’ll see what happened. Meanwhile, I need you back here, because we just got a case.” Her voice wasn’t leaving anything up for discussion. Still, you couldn’t go, not until you saw him. 
“Emily-” she cut you off.
“It’s not a discussion. I’ll resolve this, but I need you here and your head in the game. Am I clear?” Her voice was stern, but maybe that’s exactly what you needed. Maybe.
“Yeah, clear. I’m on my way back.” You took a deep breath and started the car and the journey back to Quantico, but your mind stayed right there, on the bars that kept you away from the one thing you held dearest. 
As it turns out, there was nothing the warden or Fiona could do. Even Emily Prentiss, Unit Chief of the BAU, couldn't “resolve” the situation. Days, weeks, and months passed, and for 70 days you couldn’t see him, isolated out, not even knowing why.
“-to be in the courthouse in one.” You snapped out of your thoughts, only catching the end of the sentence, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. You were tired, and it had little to do with the fact that you had been up all night, going over all the evidence with the team and tracing Lindsey Vaughan’s steps to a T in an attempt to exonerate Spencer and finally bring him home. 
You were exhausted, both physically and mentally. You’d been up for more than 24 hours now, but then you hadn’t been sleeping all that well to begin with. Every single night was spent wondering how Spencer was doing, and every time you closed your eyes, you saw him in that cell in Mexico. 
His eyes were red, high out of his mind, barely coherent, dirty, and injured - a far cry from the person you were used to seeing every single day - energetic, passionate, and brilliant. After 12 years, if there was one image you wished to erase from your memory, it was this one. Not all the blood you’ve seen spilled, every victim, be it men, women, or even children, all the horrors of the job, but this. Maybe it made you a bad person, but there was nothing worse than seeing the one person you held dearest at their lowest and not being able to do anything to stop it.
Every waking hour that you weren’t on the job was spent wondering how he was doing and if he was okay. If he was healthy, unharmed, and safe, or as safe as an FBI agent could be in prison. But most of all, the one thing that had kept you up at night, slowly destroying your sanity and making you question everything, had been the one question you couldn’t seem to get an answer to. 
“Why doesn’t he want to see me?”
You’d asked everyone and had waited with battered breath for an answer, a clarification on the matter, and it never came. As shocked as you had been at the notion that you wouldn’t be seeing Spencer for an indefinite amount of time, your team had been even more shocked. They knew the kind of relationship you and Spencer had, how close you’d become over the years, and how much you relied on each other. 
You’d asked every team member, you’d asked yourself, you’d even asked Spencer in a few of the letters you wrote to him, and then there had come a point where you just stopped. 
You were torturing yourself more than enough, day after day, and every single night, asking yourself a question you wouldn’t get an answer to. Not as long as he was locked up in that hellhole and you were out here, trying to keep together the pieces of something, that was on the verge of breaking. 
You felt a hand taking hold of yours, and for a second, you tensed up. Pulled out of your thoughts, you looked up and were met with chocolate brown eyes, full of worry - Emily’s eyes. 
You glanced around the room, only to realize it was empty, save for the two of you. You hadn’t felt when the others had left, that’s how deep in thought you had been. 
“Where did you go? I’ve been calling your name for a while now,” she spoke gently, squeezing your hand. If you were honest, that’s the first time she asked you anything about the situation. You’d spent weeks suffering in silence and trying to pretend that you weren’t slowly dying on the inside. 
You briefly thought about lying, it wouldn’t be the first lie you’d told since Spencer had been incarcerated, but you didn’t have it in you to hide anymore. 
And so, for the first time since Spencer’s hearing, you told the truth.
“Nothing makes sense anymore, Em,” it left you in a whisper, “I’m barely holding it together. I feel like I’m drowning sometimes, and just when I breach the surface, I’m pulled back in. My mind, it’s...I question everything, all the time. My mornings start with thoughts about him, and my nights end with tears over him, over this entire…this nightmare. I keep waiting for my alarm to go off, to wake up and realize that this has been a plot of my imagination, some cruel joke my mind has conjured, designed to show me... "Your eyes welled with tears, prepared to admit something you should have long ago. Emily gave your hand another squeeze, prompting you to continue, and so you did, admitting it for the first time aloud. 
“Designed to show me that I can’t live a life that doesn’t have Spencer in it.” You wiped at your eyes, willing your tears at bay. When you dared to look up, you were met with the eyes of the only other person besides Spencer who has been a constant rock in your life for the last 11 years. What you saw in her eyes then wasn’t surprise like you’d thought, but relief. It took you a moment to fully read her, but it was like a switch had gone off when you finally did. 
“But you’re not surprised to hear this, are you?” you smiled sadly, a light laugh leaving you. 
“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t have my suspicions, and I’d be an even worse profiler,” she smiled at you, “Plus, there are some feelings that you just can’t hide,” you blinked, and then you blinked again. You hadn’t come right out and said it, and yet she knew, she somehow knew. 
“I didn’t mean it like that.” you tried to backtrack, but you knew it was a losing battle. Emily knew you well enough to smell your bullshit from miles.
“That’s exactly how you meant it, and don’t even try to deny it. I see it every damn day. It’s how you leave the room whenever you hear someone talk about visiting Spencer. You don’t want to hear how he’s doing because you wouldn’t believe it, not unless you see him with your own eyes. But you can’t, so you’ve resigned yourself to the torture of not knowing instead of giving yourself the smallest amount of peace by asking. You’ve been suffering in silence for almost three months, too stubborn to say anything, thinking you were doing yourself a favor. And what for? You’re crying yourself to sleep every night and coming to work the next morning, pretending everything is fine when clearly it’s not. You think you’re fooling everyone, but the only person you’re tricking is yourself. And how’s that working out for you?” she had a point, and it’s not like you weren’t aware of that fact. You knew what you were doing wasn’t okay or healthy. You had the most stable support system imaginable to get you through the hardest parts. It was hard, though, especially when the person who was suffering the most was the person who’d taken your heart with him. 
“Way to call me out, boss.” you were just about ready to end the conversation, you couldn’t take any more of this. You’d promised each other long ago that you wouldn’t profile each other but you had a feeling that was exactly what Emily was doing right now. Maybe not on purpose, and with every good intention imaginable, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want one of your best friends to try to understand you based on behavioral analysis right after you’d spilled your soul out to her. 
“Just calling it the way I see it, someone has to,” she smiled, but then she shook her head a little before continuing. “What I want to know is why you didn’t say something earlier. You know I would have been there to listen, and so would have the team.” Damn, Emily Prentiss.
You didn’t have to think hard about it, you’ve been ruminating over everything for days. You were trying not to, but whenever your mind wasn’t focused on a case or the many drinking nights spent in Penelope’s purple adobe, that was where your mind would take you.
“Out of fear, I think,” you started, unsure for a second, still nervous to admit it. It wasn’t exactly what she was asking, but it was a start, “I was afraid, and I still am. I’ve been baiting myself into thinking it was just some sort of fondness, a little stronger than that which you feel towards a friend, and far lesser than what it actually is. I thought that if I didn’t say anything, I could go on lying to myself, and nothing would have to change, we wouldn’t have to change. Because words hold meaning, and an admission like that holds weight. What would I have done if it was just me who felt like this? I would have ruined the one thing we’ve both cherished for over a decade.” It felt good to finally say all of this out loud instead of holding it inward. But then again, Emily always knew when you'd had enough. 
She’d told you time and time again the same thing Hotch had asked of her when she returned to duty after faking her death: “Let me know when you are having a bad day.”. Honestly, you’d held off long enough, and so had she. It was a whole miracle she hadn’t pressed you about your behavior earlier. 
“That’s not what I was asking,” you said, shaking your head with a smile to let her know that you weren’t done speaking. 
“Everyone was suffering as a result of what happened in Mexico, what I was feeling wasn’t any different, Emily.” You were flippant about it, you always have been. You preferred isolating yourself and hiding everything instead of seeking a shoulder to bear the weight of what you felt. 
“Our sadness came from the fact that our friend was framed. And yours? That’s different.” 
“It isn’t,” she scoffed, getting up. Now you really felt like you were about to get scolded like a child.
“Yes, it is. God, you and Spencer are the same. It’s like I’m looking at his doppelganger without the whole… IQ of 187. You share some of the worst qualities a person can have,” you laughed at that, “You are both changeophobes-” you cut her off
“Metathesiophobia, fear of change.” She only raised her hand at you, as if to say, “See, you even sound like him,” which made you laugh even more. 
“You close yourselves off after a sad or traumatic experience, silently hoping you’d be able to get through the worst of it on your own. Most of the time, it’s evident that’s not the case. You only ask for help when you’ve reached rock bottom or have no other choice, but you’ve had a choice from the get-go. Your stubbornness even stems from the same anxieties, it’s infuriating,” she seemed to calm down then, in defeat maybe, or she hadn’t been mad, to begin with, she sat down again. 
“My point is, it shouldn’t have taken you learning that he might be coming home today to tell me all of this. I’ve known for a long time that there was something far more than platonic friendship on your end. You shouldn’t have tortured yourself since his trial to try to put the puzzle pieces together. You aren’t late, you have all the time in the world to say what you feel and what you want, and rejection shouldn’t be a factor, believe me. You need to make peace with that fear because Spencer is coming home today. And whether you are ready or not, you both need to have a serious conversation.” You appreciated her determination about Spencer being released, but then again, you had more than circumstantial evidence to support the fact that he was innocent. But, as always, Emily was right. He was coming home today, and after months of not seeing each other, there were a lot of things you needed to say. 
“I know. Thank you, Emily, for everything,” you whispered, squeezing her tight. 
Spencer’s POV
The first breath of fresh air after being on the inside for months felt far more overwhelming than he thought it would be. Being in charge of your being and your responses and emotions felt almost unnatural like the feeling of it didn’t belong to him. The sound of the wind and the traffic, people’s voices, and even the simple act of getting comfortable in the leather seats of the jet overwhelmed any ability to concentrate and think straight. 
In itself, it was strange. The prison was loud, the prison commissary at breakfast, lunch, and dinner was a cacophony of prisoners talking, cells being opened, and guards barking orders. The yard was loud too, although, in the middle of nowhere, nature could still be heard - the sounds of trees and the lone birds, if he had to guess a mix of Mourning Dove and Field Sparrow. Their songs were soothing most of the time, a welcome distraction from the usual noises around him. 
Without the atmosphere he’d gotten used to and subjected to all of those sounds and people whose presence he found comforting before, he now felt almost out of place. He wanted to feel at peace, he wanted to feel free, and although he technically was, his mind was more trapped than he’d actually been in that 2 by 2 cell in cellblock C.
He kept replaying some of the hardest moments from his time in, every threat, every punch he’d gotten, and the phantom feel of the fists connecting. Luis’ blood on his hands, the smell of bleach incorporated with the drugs, the tip of the sharpened toothbrush embedding into his thigh. All he’d done to survive, harm, and more harm, only to make it out alive. 
He barely recognized himself. He’d deliberately ignored looking at himself in the small plastic mirror in his cell, for fear of seeing what he’d had to become. Gone was the Spencer who’d use his brain to get out of situations, whose obliviousness more often than not helped to balance his intellect with the socially acceptable. Gone was the bubbly personality of a kid excited to share a plethora of facts with his friends. 
In his place sat a man, tormented by the reality of the hatred felt towards him. The reality of being a pawn in a game whose complexity could have been his downfall. A man whose genius, as much of a blessing, could sometimes be a curse. A man who had felt too much and was made to experience far more loss than his quaint heart was able to take. In the end, he kept losing, be it his father, by no choice of his own. His mentor, at the hands of a killer’s insanity. His friends and loved ones, hoping for a better life or his freedom, made to rot in a place he didn’t deserve to be in. 
Some would doubt that he had anything at all left to lose. All in all, how much more could the scrawny twelve-year-old child prodigy, left to survive in a public high school, take? 
His mind had been plagued by that question for years. He’d thought about that more than he’d like to admit. After every loss, there’d been a split moment where he’d asked himself what was next. What would be the next thing life would take from him? And every time, he’d had to wonder if, next time, life wouldn’t reach for the one thing he couldn’t allow to be taken from him. The one thing that, were he to lose, he’d never recover. He had hoped, sometimes prayed, that after everything he’d seen, everything he’d lived through, this would be the one thing that’d be spared. 
Locked in that cage, he’d tried even harder to ensure that there wouldn’t be another loss in his life - not anymore. Be it good or bad, he’d done everything. For 70 days, he’d had to assure himself he was doing what he thought was right, and what he wasn’t saying, he’d be forgiven for. He’d had to dodge questions and see the disappointment in his friend’s eyes, and when that wasn’t enough of a burden to bring all of his anxieties to the surface, he’d resigned himself to reading the words of the person he was doing all of this for - you. 
He’d reread every letter to the point where the edges of the papers were worn out, even though he’d known the contents by heart on the first read. He tortured himself by looking at your handwriting, analyzing the slanting of the words and the pressure of the pen. The little stains on the paper, he didn’t have to be a genius to know, were your tears. It broke his heart, to know he was causing you this much pain. He didn’t need to be there to see it, he felt it through your words.
He often questioned if it was worth it, if he was protecting you, or himself, or maybe even what you were or weren’t.
Even now, the weight of your words sat heavily on his mind, and right by his heart, in the pocket of his jacket, he felt the weight of the 9 letters you wrote. 
As he looked over from the little window of the jet, he couldn’t help but wonder if, in his desire to shield you from everything, he hadn’t gone too far. Ultimately, was he going to be forgiven, or be forced to pick up the pieces of the reality broken by his own doing?
“Don’t do that.” JJ’s gentle voice startled him from the overwhelming nature of his thoughts. She’d spent the last 30 minutes since they boarded silently observing him, waiting for him to pick up a conversation. But he’d decided to stay num. 
In every twitch of his fingers, in his desire to get comfortable but being unable to, she could see that he was restless. If she had to guess, his mind was much the same. 
“Do what?”
She gave him a look, one, had he not known her long enough, he might have been offended by. Clearly, she was offended herself, watching him play the clueless card. 
“Spence, I don’t need to profile you to know that your mind’s running a thousand miles a minute, contemplating your decisions, and I don’t think you should. You did what you thought was right, and no one blames you for that, not for Mexico, and not for what you did after,” she spoke evenly, gathering even Penelope and Alvez’s attention from where they sat. He looked over, receiving a smile and a nod from both before focusing on JJ again. 
Rationally, he knew she was right about everything. He didn’t need to run himself ragged with everything he could have done differently, or search for the perfect way to explain, or overall, the perfect outcome of his own decisions. He knew there wasn’t one, there was no perfect way to say what he needed to, no perfect words to pick so he could fix this and erase the pain he knew he’d caused. 
Perfection wasn’t something you could strive to achieve, because there’s no such thing as perfection. The term was diverse, everyone had a different perspective on what that might look like. If for JJ, perfection was the family that waited for her at home every time she returned from a case, for Spencer, perfection was vastly different. 
For him, perfection was the rich aroma of coffee that could cause someone’s insulin to spike because of the amount of sugar in it. The softness of a book page between his fingers, or the familiarity of a book he’d read before but needed to revisit. 
Perfection was the sound of your laugh whenever he was the one to prompt the sound. The way your eyes lit up every time you listened to him babble on. Perfection was the time he got to spend with you every day, every hour, and every minute that he could remember with almost scary accuracy. 
He could sit and wonder what the perfect way to go about this was, but there simply wasn’t one, there was only the truth. And as painful, hopeful, or even a little dumb as it was, that was the best he could give.
And maybe that’s what his mind should focus on instead, the truth, in its simplest form, at its core the truth he’d hidden for months, and then the truth he’d hidden for years. 
He had wondered long enough if he’d made the right choice. He spent plenty of time focusing on the shame he’d felt, prompted by the disappointment he’d seen in his friends’ eyes whenever they brought up your name. How he’d sit, silent, or give an answer so short and angry, it’d add even more shame to the one he already felt. 
Beyond his time in prison, where he spent most of his time questioning his decisions, he spent years before that questioning himself as a person. His place on the team, his intelligence, even his failings. His inability to form relationships where he’d be seen as more than Dr. Reid, or the skinny kid, pretty boy, or a genius. A relationship that’d make him feel like simply Spencer, without the added adjectives, that sometimes made him feel like a circus clown. 
Only when he’d been locked up, had he started to realize that he’d finally built a relationship with someone with whom he could be himself. The most basic, boring, and peaceful version of himself, and slowly, all had started falling into place. 
How content he felt whenever he was around you, the desire to tell you every good or bad news he received. How when you asked about his mother, it warmed his heart, or how worried he felt when you acted stupid in the field. How out of control he’d felt when you’d gone missing last year. Or even, at the time, the unexplained jealousy he’d felt seeing you talk with another man.
Morgan had asked, once, twice, a lot, if maybe he didn’t have a crush, but he’d denied it, every time. And every time he’d question himself, he'd dismiss the idea just as quickly. 
Yet, upon being forced away from you, the pieces had started mending into one. 
Every realization he’d had was like a new broken piece being glued to the overall mosaic. And every new piece added built everything he felt about you. And it was a lot, and it was overwhelming, and so, so right, it sometimes felt wrong. Because he was inside a prison of his own doing, and you were out there, made to wait for him, for an explanation, for the truth. 
And he’d vowed to himself that the moment he was out, he’d put everything on the table, no matter how much he’d fucked up or how much he’d hurt you. He’d sit there, and he’d let it out, and if necessary, he’d even beg for your forgiveness. 
Because there wasn’t a moment in this life, he wanted to live through, without you there with him.
Your POV
You pulled the trigger, your eyes focused, and your hands steady. Three consecutive shots were fired, each one hitting its intended target. Three more followed, and then as many as it took to empty the magazine. 
You put down the gun and took a deep breath, steadying your heartbeat, trying to rid yourself of the deep-seated anxiety you felt. An odd sense of calm overtook you whenever you found yourself at the shooting range. Maybe it was the everpresent scent of gunpowder or the quiet only disturbed by the firing of a gun. Or even the possibility of escaping your rising thoughts, the desire to run or scream, sometimes both. 
There was a sense of solitude there that almost made it easier to breathe. The repetitive motion and the weight of the gun in your hands felt like second nature. 
Front sight, trigger press, follow through, just like Hotch had taught you all those years ago. As long as you held that gun, your mind was quiet, and you focused on something other than the worry you felt. 
It made sense you found yourself there shortly after Emily had shared the long-awaited good news - Spencer was finally free, and JJ, Penelope, and Luke were on route back with him. For a short moment, you’d felt the weight being lifted from your chest, and then it dropped again, now tripled. 
Suddenly, your earlier conversation with Emily had gotten as real as the target before you. Even with the sense of peace, you’d felt after, your thoughts on the matter clear, you still felt a sense of dread at the idea of seeing him. 
As if he wasn’t your best friend, the man who’d long ago won your affection and captured your heart, but rather a stranger who held your future in his hands. And he might as well be, because whatever the truth to the questions you wanted answered was, one thing was for sure.
It’d either make or break you both.
You picked up a new magazine, and loaded the gun, aiming at the target before releasing the safety. Before you fired again, you released a breath, and with it, all the feelings within you - fear, uncertainty, yearning, and the sense of madness, which, although mild, was persistent.
You fired once, twice, your aim impeccable, and then, out of nowhere, you missed. 
The hair at the back of your neck rose, your heart rate quickened, and the feeling of another’s presence in the room was unmistakable. It took you just a second to put the pieces together, the intrusion felt like anything but that. 
Instead, for a brief moment, the person brought with them a familiar feeling of calm. In the next instance, though, reality came crashing like a tidal wave, and you knew you’d run out of time. 
Your hands shook as you put down the gun. You could feel him watching you, probably standing next to the door, as if he couldn’t will himself to move closer. The anxiety was palpable in the air, although you couldn’t really say if it was yours or his, most likely, it was a mix of both.
You went to reach for your protection but hesitated. Once you took it off, there’d no longer be an excuse for you to ignore him, you’d finally have to meet the reality he’d so carefully crafted for you.
Even though you felt like you could barely breathe, the desire to finally lay your eyes on him won out. 
Without missing another beat, you took off your earplugs and then your eye protection. You could faintly hear the sound of shoes squicking against the floor. He could never stay still when he was nervous.  
You picked up on the sound of your own breathing too, the beating of your heart was almost erratic. You were waiting, what for, you weren’t sure. 
He was waiting too, for you to turn around, to lay his eyes on you. Like a sadist, waiting to see the pain he’d caused, or a masochist, wishing for his own in turn. 
70 days of slowly killing you both.
When you finally dared to turn around, it took you a moment to fully take him in. He looked like the Spencer you knew, yet there was something different about him too. Dressed in his usual suit and tie outfit, he didn’t look comfortable. His posture was rigid, almost defensive. It wasn’t a conscious decision, that much you were sure of.
His hair was longer, pushed back, curling at the ends, and he’d lost some weight. Not much, but enough to make an impression after all this time. He looked pensive, like the weight of the world sat on his shoulders, but maybe it was just the weight of the consequences he had to face.
Your eyes ran over every inch of him multiple times, intentionally avoiding his gaze for as long as possible. Seconds and minutes passed, and you weren’t really sure how much exactly. 
Spencer knew, though, of course, he did. If his fear of meeting you eye to eye was as great as yours was, you knew he was counting until the torture of the act itself was over. 
89 seconds he’d counted, although now with you there, they felt longer than the days without you did. 
When you eventually met his gaze, you felt a part of your heart chip on the inside. What people said about the eyes being a portal to one's soul couldn’t have been more right in that moment. Spencer, a man who excelled at hiding his emotions when he really wanted to, had let them out as clear as day for you to see. 
His eyes sparkled with so much sadness and guilt that it threatened to take you apart even before he had the chance to talk. Something softened within you at that moment, but in the next instance, it was like someone else took over. 
One moment you wanted to cry for him or with him, and the next you felt like your whole being needed to be let out. 
“Is that…is that all you can offer me right now? More of your silence? Don’t you think I’ve had enough of that?” The questions, a few of many to follow, had a bite to them. 
His face fell a little, taken aback by your tone. He fidgeted with his fingers, unsure what to say, or where to start. How could he answer your question? He pictured a scenario where his words flew freely, where he gave you an explanation worthy of forgiveness and a confession, so earnest that it ended with you in his arms. 
Try as he might, the words didn’t come to him, just a barely audible accusation. 
“That’s not fair.”
You scoffed, as if in outrage. A madness, one born out of so much heartbreak, took over, it was blinding. If someone had asked you to explain yourself, you’d say that wasn’t you. You’d never be so forward, almost cruel, to him, but at that moment, being mad sounded so much better than being vulnerable. Like a shield, you weren’t ready to let go of yet.
“How exactly is this not fair, Spencer? It’s the truth!” you yelled, and you felt free, finally letting it all out. “You want to know what isn’t fair, though? The way you isolated me OUT of your life! For three months, I’ve had to stand on the sidelines and beg for scraps, just to know you were okay. Every pitiful look I’d get from the people I consider family felt like another stab to the heart. That’s what’s not fair!” You were screaming so loud. It was a good thing the range was soundproof, otherwise, the whole of the BAU would have been deep in your business by now. 
If he looked surprised by the accusation, he didn’t really show it. His posture took a turn, though. The rigidity disappeared, and in turn, it opened, as if the need to comfort you overpowered the uncertainty or the mask he’d had to hold while imprisoned. 
You didn’t want his comfort, not right now. Maybe later, when all was said and done, you’d get to have a normal conversation without the frustrations of the past. At that moment, you just wanted everything out of your system. You wanted the questions, the answers, and the truth. 
His silence continued as he started closing the distance between you. You wanted to move, to create more distance, but there was nowhere to go. You were squeezed between the range, and him. Whatever else was left than to continue begging for clarity.
“It’s not fair being sent away the first time I came to see you. To learn you didn’t want to see me! Each time it was my turn to visit you, do you want to know where I was? I sat outside that fucking prison, wishing for a glimpse of the person who’s been my rock for 12 years! Holding back tears, thinking you didn’t…you didn’t care like I did. Is this what I really deserve after 12 years by your side?” You almost slipped, you almost told him, and maybe you should have, it might have prompted him to talk or to say something. But no, he stayed silent. Step after step, he limped, his cheek twitched, and his brows furrowed, but like a coward, he remained quiet. 
He was meters away from you, three more steps, and he’d completely close the distance, and meet you face to face. 
“Say something, Spencer, damn it!” Your throat burned from the strain, and he advanced even more. “Anything,” you finished in a whisper, and all of a sudden, all the fight left you, and your eyes watered and your vision went blurry. 
He was just a step away then, and when you looked into his eyes, you couldn’t help but see how they shined. 
He reached forward, one hand taking hold of your arm while the other went to hold your waist, but you shook your head. “No, Spencer, please,” you whispered. You didn’t want to find yourself in his arms, because that would be the last of your composure, gone. You’d surrender to the feel of him like you even had a choice not to. 
He didn’t stop, not until you were snug into his arms, one of his hands at the back of your neck, holding your head tenderly, but the arm around your waist held onto you as if he was scared you’d slip away from him. 
Once in his arms, you finally let go, breaking down into pieces, hoping he’d be able to hold them all from crumbling to the ground. 
“Hey, shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” He kept repeating, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your pulse point. All the while, you could only stand, your arms at your sides, as if paralyzed.
Being in his arms felt like being home somehow. It felt so right after having been deprived of the feeling for so long. It felt like there was nothing wrong, and nothing could go wrong at that moment. 
Even though you hadn't initially wanted his comfort, somewhere deep inside, you craved his tender touch. You craved the feel of his body near and the faint scent that was so uniquely him - a mix of coffee, fall, and old paper, books. You realized then that you craved the sound of his voice too, another part of him you’d been deprived of. 
The voice of the always rambling boy that never failed to bring a smile to your face, even when you couldn’t understand him sometimes. 
And the more he whispered, his voice broken and shaky, the harder you cried. You’d thought nothing could match the heartbreak of his actions or the anger of his silence, but the reality of being held against him brought the realization that your suffering mirrored his own. 
If you’d been dying on the inside for months, he’d been on the other side of the link holding you tethered to each other, dying just as much. 
And you couldn’t hold yourself back any longer after that. You buried your head in the crook of his neck, and your arms finally circled his waist underneath his suit jacket, fisting the back of his shirt as if it were your one lifeline. 
You felt him exhale when you finally returned his touch, most likely in relief, before he dropped a light kiss on your head. 
You cried for the relief of having him back and close. For unspoken truths and time wasted, years of figuring out feelings clear as day. For all the anger, for all of his silence, for all you felt for him. 
He cried for all the pain he’d caused you and for all the time he’d wasted being alone instead of being with you. He cried for himself, he cried for you, and he cried, overwhelmed by his feelings for you. 
You clung to one another, crying, and minutes were passing and neither of you cared. Not when you had each other. 
After a while, when both your tears dried out and your cries quieted, but you still felt the need to hold each other close, you dared to murmur a broken “Why?” hoping he’d hear, hoping he’d understand. 
It didn’t take him long to mumble a reply, no longer silent. 
“All the words in the world available, and I wish I could explain.” it came out just as quietly, both of you scared to break the little bubble you’d found yourselves in. 
You pulled back from him, wanting to look into his eyes, red-rimmed and still sparkling when you felt yourself begging again. 
“Then try, please, because I’d rather know, and not understand, than not know at all.” And it was the truth. He could speak in riddles if he wanted, but you needed to know why he’d made that choice. 
You looked at him expectantly before he pushed a piece of hair back, and his hand once again settled at the back of your head, gently cupping it. 
“I wanted you safe from a world you didn’t belong in,” he admitted on an exhale, like a lifelong secret he’d gotten tired of holding onto. 
You looked at him in wonder, and it was on the tip of your tongue to tell him he didn’t belong in that world either, but just as you opened your mouth to speak, he shook his head. 
“I was ashamed when I had you removed from the visitor’s list. I didn’t want you to see me like that, like a criminal,” he started, pulling you into his arms, not wanting to admit it to you eye to eye, out of fear of being right. Of course, he was wrong, but that didn’t stop him from wondering. 
“The first time JJ visited me, they leered at her like they were being fed fresh meat, taking her in, committing her to memory. A cage full of animals. I knew then that I didn’t want that for you, and any guilt I had at keeping you away disappeared that day. It hurt me, knowing I was failing you and whatever trust you had in me,” he whispered, wishing to keep the reality of his thoughts and his feelings in a little bubble as if you only existed in it.
“I’m not the same person I was before, I couldn’t be him, even if it meant losing a part of myself in the process. I couldn’t really be a decent human being without bearing the consequences. Everything I saw, everything I did, and everything that was done to me, I don’t think I’d ever fully be the person I was before. And that too, I’m thankful I spared you from seeing.” It would explain his rigidity, a defense mechanism he’d had to get used to. 
And while everything he’d said thus far was true the biggest truth, he’d had yet to say. He had yet to really explain why he’d done what he’d done in the first place. He was stalling, still afraid, but the longer he held you, the longer he felt your heart beating in time with his, the more sure he became. 
To hell with the consequences, to hell with whatever happened after, he was right here in the now, alive, breathing, his arms around you, finally at peace. 
He pulled back, took your face into his hands, and finally whispered.
“Most of all, though, I knew I loved you enough to risk us if it meant keeping you safe.” It left him in a rush, a confession waiting to be let out for months. A feeling he’d had for years, and a moment where he could finally be open about it. 
“What…?” you licked your lips, shocked that you might not have heard him correctly. ”What does us mean?” This part of the conversation felt like you were daydreaming about it, it just didn’t feel real. 
“It means whatever you want it to be. Whatever you want us to be.” All of a sudden, it was that simple. 
“So, you love me?” You had a hard time taking it all in, yet your heart fluttered in pure happiness. “And you…you want us?” 
"Yes.” Even before you were done speaking, he was already answering. He was desperate to finally admit he was absolutely smitten by you. 
Months of figuring out your feelings, years of hiding them, a conversation to finally prompt a confession out of you, and all this time it was reciprocated. You could have cried, happiness like no other coursing through you, pure bliss. 
You wanted back into his arms, you wanted to kiss him so badly that your blood was burning from the need to feel him like you'd never been able to before. And yet, you knew there was something else you needed to do before you could finally do it.
“Spence, you don’t push away the people you love, no matter the cost. You rely on their love to help aid you when you’re at your lowest.” You gave his sides a light squeeze before you looked back into his eyes, only to see them hopeful and uncertain at the same time.
He looked hopeful, for the possibility that you might actually love him back, but uncertain because it felt like you might be pushing him away this time. 
“I can’t go through this again. Having to watch you wither away, in prison, at home, or by your own thoughts, I won’t be able to handle being pushed away again,” whispers, cries, pleas, memories full of heartbreak intertwined with present confessions full of joy. 
His eyes watered then, his lips trembling. Any sign of hope was gone, and in its’ place stood the realization of a man who’d maybe gone a little too far. He’d pushed you away, and now, it was your time to be the one sticking and twisting the knife deep, breaking his heart in the process. 
If someone were to ask him at that moment what his biggest regret was, he’d say this. This was his biggest regret, his own choices. 
A tear escaped him, and you reached up, wiping it away gently before you spoke again.
“If..if this is going to go anywhere, you need to rely on me. You need to believe that I can handle anything and everything, just as long as you are by my side. All those years of being pushed away - your addiction, Maeve and Gideon’s deaths, your mom’s diagnosis, Cat Adams - you weren’t alone then, you aren’t alone now, and you won’t be alone in the future. You’ll always have me by your side, you’ll always have my support. Most of all, you’ll have my love, but when things get hard, I need you to lean on me, and trust that I can help you because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together.” You finished on an exhale, full-on crying now. You could barely see him, but from the little you could, you saw tears streaming down his face, and a smile that grew wide, happy.
Those words, he knew them word for word. For 13 days, he’d repeat them, no longer needing to see them written down, he had them engraved in his brain. Your letters he could recite, but your final one he’d remember as long as he lived. 
“I promise to lean on you and trust that you’d help me because together we can pull through everything, anything is possible as long as we are together,” he whispered back, his eyes searching yours for just a moment before he pulled you in, and finally, his lips met yours. 
He kissed you, tentative at first, testing the waters. He wanted to take his time, commit your lips to memory, gentle, and plump, exactly how he’d imagined they’d feel. The more he kissed you, the more he couldn’t stop. Passion, urgency, desire - his kisses turned desperate like he wanted to swallow you whole and never let you go. 
He bit your lip gently, asking for access, before his tongue intertwined with yours and he pulled you flush against him, closing any gap left between you. Chest, hips, there wasn’t an inch where you weren’t touching. 
It felt so familiar, even though you hadn’t kissed before. So right, like no one's kisses had felt before. As if your whole lives, kissing each other was the missing piece in a complicated puzzle, waiting to be put together. Coming together as one, it felt magnetic, a feeling of euphoria, pure ecstasy, no one else mattered, no other feeling mattered at that moment, other than your hands on each other and your lips locked together. 
Time was passing by, and you didn’t care. Years of missed opportunities, hidden feelings, and long-awaited realizations all led to this moment. Starved for each other, a kiss full of fervor and even the taste of tears was present. Unimaginable, but very real.
When you finally pulled apart, he wiped your tears, and you wiped his in turn, before he gathered you back in the comfort of his arms, laying a kiss on the side of your head.
And between the four walls around you, nestled in each other’s arms, the place where no one could touch you, in a shared breath you both whispered. 
“I love you.” 
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antivivziepopparade · 4 months ago
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All of the proof that we have that Vivziepop is abusive. (So far....)
While you support this post please go ahead and support my channel to see more about Vivziepop's abusive behavior. Thanks!
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1. She rushes her employees.
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Season 1 was made in 2020. While Season 2 was made in 2021 while being released with MULTIPLE EPISODES only ONE year later.
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That's-
INSANE!
-and im about to tell you why:
The average cartoon needs almost ONE WHOLE YEAR to produce one episode. And this is what we see in MAINSTREAM shows.
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Meanwhile, Helluva Boss took only one year (and a half) to make MULTIPLE ENTIRE EPISODES that last over 20 minutes. The longest waiting time for an episode being 8 months. Not even a year, and we get multiple episodes off the drawing board.
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You can even see here that it's taken only three years to make 16 episodes. When this is an indie studio, so this should have taken so much longer to make. Yet for some reason, it took only a few years for us to get full seasons. In 2021, we got over 4 episodes alone. Have you ever wondered why these episodes come out so fast while other shows take a lot longer to get new seasons? That's an easy question to ask... Spindlehorse...
Is being ABUSED.
And I have the proof to show.
2. The pay controversy.
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Spindlehorse's payment has been under controversy for providing the lowest pay possible to those that work at the studio.
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One piece of evidence was given by Adam himself (albeit unintentionally) by saying this:
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This kind of pay is highly unstable! And before you say "But he didn't force them to be there-"
LOOK.
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The employees themselves admitted that they had no choice. People had no choice and Vivienne Medrano took advantage of that for her own selfish desires. This is disgusting treatment of a studio as small as Spindlehorse. Or any studio for that matter.
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Hell! chaifootsteps said once that once Zeurel released that he was paying his animators too low, he deleted one of the tweets showing the low pay and decided to do something to give his employees better wages. Meanwhile, Chimera Bunny pays even less than Viv does and just because paying your workers low is normal in the animation industry- plot twist: Doesn't make it ok!
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People have suffered so much in this industry, it's why "New Deal for Animation" exists. The only reason you haven't seen many Vivziepop workers having protests and speaking out is because Vivziepop says things like this behind people's backs if they "dare" do anything she doesn't like:
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So that explains as to why so many people remain as "anon" or say nothing at all because they got cold feet. Vivienne's terrible!
Especially since even her top employees have admitted to not being paid enough despite Adam's "I pay them to stay if they make us the most mon-ey!" claims from the article:
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Also this:
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This is how she speaks about her own employees:
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"YOU DONT LIKE HOW I TREAT YOU?! FUCK OFF!"
Straight up abuse.
Also, wasn't Walt Disney known for abusing his employees?
To the point where people had an entire protest in 1914 about it?
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Wow... such a healthy workplace treatment comparison. Doesn't make Vivziepop look more like a jerk.... at all! /s
3. She bullies kids/laughed at a sa victim that was sa'ed by her friends. As one kid was bullied into a panic attack (I know them personally) back in about 2020 and Viv decided to vague post about them behind their back even after they apologized.
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For someone who's so focused on "forgiving despite cancel culture" she sure likes to blame and harass people for disliking even ONE thing about her show or herself. One thing- and you're harassed over making a meme about a cartoon with fictional characters (What Froot Did that set Vivziepop and Gumball off.)
Secondly, one of her friends sexually harassed a minor.
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And instead of acknowledging the sa, Vivziepop wrote this:
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She ended up calling it a "joke" and made fun of the victim involved.
This is outright abusive behavior that should not be tolerated.
Children don't deserve to be traumatized this way. Especially over something as simple as making memes about a cartoon (negative or not) or simply telling someone to stop fetishizing abuse.
More on this in this video made by Gummypop:
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND-
That's all that I have for now!
Will likely be updating this post in the future. Goodbye!
EDIT:
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More evidence of Vivziepop using abusive language and slander against her employees behind their back. Claims of them being a "stalker" (like she did to Kedi and also its clear that she told her employees to say that Kaz was a "stalker" otherwise how else would they be saying these things after she fired them.) along with using abusive language such as "CUNT!" to prefer to Kaz this way in a professional setting I cannot. 💀
More evidence of Vivziepop harassing a kid:
ANOTHER edit:
More evidence, she's burning them the HELL out!
Yet ANOTHER edit:
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More evidence of Spindlehorse being abusive:
EDIT:
Even MORE evidence:
The fact that the story AND the storyboards AND the animating for season one's episodes were all done in one year is just so crazy to me like... WHAT?! Either way, this post will continue to extend the more that I find evidence. So remember to look forward to that one!
EDIT:
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Sadly no, as animation abuse is so common that the police dont even see it as an issue. The last time I tried to call the police on her they needed a location. The problem? There is no location of Spindlehorse since it's a "private" studio. So because of that viv gets away with abuse despite the obvious implications of her behavior and how many people came out with allegations towards her.
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lilasamaaa · 6 months ago
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Who says "I love you" first? Part Two | F1 grid x Reader
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Click here to read the first part!
Genre | Fluff
Featuring | Oscar Piastri, Daniel Ricciardo, George Russell, Carlos Sainz, Yuki Tsunoda, Max Verstappen.
Word count | 1.8K
Warnings | None! Enjoy the ride!
Author's note | Coming up with original ideas for this was so painful lmao, I'm sorry it took so long!
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Oscar Piastri
He says it first.
Today marks four months since you and Oscar have been together. The Australian texted you a few hours ago, telling you to wear a nice dress and meet him in front of your building at 8.
The two of you had met four months ago at a party hosted by a mutual friend. You had heard of love at first sight, but had never experienced it before him. Before your eyes met his. As you had moved to Australia a few weeks before meeting him, and with English not being your first language, it had taken a bit of time to get comfortable with each other and juggle between your respective languages, but today, you two were inseparable... To the point where you'd already canceled the plane ticket that was supposed to take you back home at the end of the year.
The restaurant where you're dining is splendid. The candles on your table cast a soft light on his face, the atmosphere is incredibly romantic, and the dishes are delicious. But above all, it's the looks Oscar has been giving you all evening that make your heart beat. A mixture of tenderness, passion, and admiration.
"I hope you don't mind, but I ordered dessert," your boyfriend announces, looking at you fondly.
As soon as the sentence is uttered, a waiter places a plate in front of you, and you let out a gasp of surprise as you discover the letters traced in chocolate. "I love you". In your native tongue. Your eyes start to water as you meet Oscar's gaze, visibly nervous. For a minute, you're speechless. Equally surprised by the kind attention than by the admission from the Australian.
"Please tell me they spelled it right," the driver says as you burst into laughter.
"They did," you reply, reaching for his hand. "And I don't have any dessert to prove it, but just so you know, I love you too."
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Daniel Ricciardo
He says it first.
Daniel and you are lying on the couch in his living room, watching a replay of last weekend's race on TV. You love it when your boyfriend comments on every move, explains the strategies, and tells you about his feelings in the car. Even though you attended the race live in Singapore, it's definitely different to look back at the race with the insight of a real pilot. As Daniel explains to you the choice of his medium tires, the image from the replay suddenly changes from the track and zooms in on you, wearing a headset, in the garage.
"What?" you yelp, standing up on your elbows. "I didn't know they were filming me!"
Under your face, a small banner appears, and you feel your heart tighten. "Daniel Ricciardo's friend".
"Oh," you breathe, unable to tear your gaze away from the tv screen.
"Wow," Daniel says. "So they really have no idea that we're together."
The camera dives back onto the track, and Daniel starts commenting on every moment again, before realizing that you've been silent for a while.
"Hey," your boyfriend says, nudging your shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's just..." you start, feeling your throat tighten. "We've been dating for a few months now, and it's... It's weird to be called your friend. I don't know. It's making me feel insecure."
"Well, you shouldn't," the Australian says before capturing your lips in a soft kiss. "Because I love you. Way more than a friend."
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George Russell
You say it first.
At work, George is methodical. Organized. At home, however, you've come to learn that your boyfriend is a real scatterbrain and forgets everything. All the time. To the point that since you started seeing each other more regularly and you began sleeping over at his place, you've gotten into the habit of leaving notes for him all over the apartment before going to work.
"Your brother is coming over tonight"
"DO NOT order food. There are leftovers in the fridge!"
"Your fave sweater is in the dryer"
Each note is always signed the same way. A double x (you two live in England, after all) and a smiley face. If you're the one writing the small notes, George is the one collecting them and throwing them away everyday. So tonight, as you close the door to his apartment behind you, you're surprised to find your boyfriend on the couch, holding one of the bright yellow squares in his hand.
"Hi babe," you say, coming closer to him. "What's this?"
"Your note," George replies, looking at you. "From this morning."
"What about it?" you ask, furrowing your brow as George hands it to you.
"Don't wait for me for dinner tonight, I'm going out with the girls. Love you."
Oh. You're still looking at the note with wide eyes when your boyfriend speaks again.
"Did you mean it?"
"I'm... kinda surprised I wrote it, but yes, of course, George. I mean it."
Your boyfriend gets up from the couch, coming towards you before planting his lips passionately on yours.
"Well, I love you too," George says, making your heart skip a beat. "And I'm keeping this one," your boyfriend laughs before pocketing the note.
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Carlos Sainz
He says it first.
Carlos and you have made it a habit to call each other as much as possible when the driver is away. The distance is already hard enough to manage for the both of you as it is, so there's no need to torture yourselves even more with radio silence. Sitting in the hotel lobby, the only place where he managed to get enough network for a high-quality call, your boyfriend is telling you all about this morning's free practice session when the phone shakes, and you see his eyes hovering above the screen.
"Wait, hermosa, just a second."
The microphone cuts out, and you see your boyfriend's lips moving without sound. You furrow your brow, thinking that someone from the hotel staff might be scolding him for speaking aloud in a public area, when Charles appears in the corner of the screen, the sound coming back.
"Charles wants to say hi," Carlos says, playfully rolling his eyes. "Please find a girlfriend and stop annoying mine."
"How are you?" Charles asks, smiling at you, ignoring Carlos' whines.
"I'm doing great, thanks for asking!" you reply, smiling back at the driver.
"Now, move," Carlos says, "I'd rather talk to her than to you. You'll understand that when you're in love again."
A laughing Charles waves at you a final time before disappearing from your screen. Your attention shifts back to Carlos.
"So..." you say playfully. "You're in love?"
Realizing the slip-up, Carlos' eyes widen.
"I didn't mean to say it like that. Or over the phone. But yes, I am," your boyfriend says, smiling proudly.
"Good thing I am too, then," you reply winking.
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Yuki Tsunoda
You say it first.
Yuki is naturally shy. You noticed it from your first meeting, and you've never been afraid to take the lead. You've been the initiator of all your firsts : first conversation, first date, first kiss. This dynamic works well for both of you. You suggest, and Yuki always happily follows.
However... there's something you've been afraid of initiating. It's been several months since you started seeing each other, and you're truly on cloud nine. Everything is going well between you, the chemistry is perfect, and the slightest glance from the Japanese makes you absolutely melt. You know the signs. You're in love. But how do you tell him without scaring him off?
The answer comes naturally as you watch your boyfriend exchange words with his Team Principal in the Racing Bulls garage, his helmet in his hands. As Yuki finishes zipping up his suit, his back to you, you kindly offer to hold his helmet and take the opportunity to pull out a marker from your pocket, discreetly scribbling on the plastic shell before handing the object to your boyfriend.
The race goes incredibly well, and Yuki finishes in the points, creating euphoria in the garage. When your boyfriend gets out of the car, his first instinct is to take off his helmet and steal a kiss from you as you laugh.
"What's making you laugh?" Yuki asks, looking at you fondly.
"I put a little encouragement on your helmet, and it looks like it worked," you whisper, pointing to the three hastily written words. I love you.
Yuki is naturally shy, yes. Yet, the kiss he gives you after your revelation is the only confirmation you needed.
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Max Verstappen
He says it first.
It's been ten days since Max flew several hours away from you for his next race, suggesting you stay at his place until his return. The initial idea was for you to look after his cats, but the driver would never admit that what he wanted above all else was for you to put your intoxicating scent all over his sheets... Creating a sense of domesticity that he wasn't so sure you were ready for yet.
Keys turn in the lock, and Max appears at the end of the hallway, suitcase in hand. It's safe to say that he didn't expect to find you curled up on the couch, asleep, his two cats nestled in your arms.
The sight is enough to make him want to call your landlord and tell them you' won't be needing your apartment anymore. To give you the keys to his place, and never take them back. But for now, abandoning his suitcase in the hallway, Max sits on the couch gently, making sure not to wake you before softly stroking your hair. You whine softly in your sleep, opening an eye.
"You're back," you mumble weakly.
"I am, and it looks like nobody missed me that much," Max says, pretending to be hurt.
"What?" you say, sitting up. "I missed you! Every day!"
"And yet, you wasted no time replacing me," your boyfriend laughs, petting his sleepy cats.
"I had to adapt," you reply with a smirk. "They confessed before you. There was nothing I could do."
"Do you want me to confess?" Max says, bending over to press a soft kiss to your lips, making your heart flutter. "You have my love. All of it."
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adrienneleclerc · 2 months ago
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We’re on a world tour (like beyonces renaissance tour) and it’s opening night in London. Charles being with Arthur Pierre and kika and their reaction + them being in the pit. Also, Charles and our oldest daughter coming out to dance on stage like how blue Ivy did with bey. And the grids’ reactions + other celebrities being there for opening night!!!😅❤️
What happened to “hello”? “How are you?” “My name is”? I’m kidding. ANYWAY, sorry it took me so long so I really hope you liked it and I am so sorry if you didn’t. Since you said “oldest daughter”, Charles and Y/N have 3 kids.
World Tour
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Singer! Reader
Summary: Y/N starts her world tour in London and kicks off the tour with a huge surprise
Warning: spelling and grammatical errors
A/N: mix of social media and written fic, because of the ages of the kids, we could make it so charles and Y/N got married at 18 and started their family at 19 so charles is still 26, OR married at 21, family at 22 so he’s 29, completely up to you. So this could take place in 2027 or 2024, it doesn’t matter. Also, her performance photos/video outfits are not consistent, sadly.
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Y/N was backstage doing her makeup when her daughter, Juliana, who everyone calls ‘Jules’, walks in with a hairbrush in her hand
“Mami, Can you brush my hair?” Jules asked. Y/N turned to her and smiled.
“Sure, baby. How many knots are in your hair?” Y/N asked, taking the brush from Juliana’s hand
“A lot, I can’t get them out.” Jules said. Y/N got a detangling spray from her vanity to spray in her daughter’s hair.
“It should be easier to get it out now. You excited to dance with me, princesa?” Y/N asked.
“I’m nervous. What if I mess up the routine to ‘Arranca’ and I get booed?” Jules asked. Y/N spun her around so they were facing each other.
“Mi amor, you won’t get booed. Besides, you are 7 years old, no one expects you to be perfect. And guess what, you are still going to sing a song with me.” Y/N said.
“Can we sing ‘como la flor’, mami?” Jules asked and Y/N smiled.
“Any song you want, baby.” Y/N said and kissed her forehead.
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Charles was sitting with his 4 year old son, Santiago, who’s nickname is “Santi”, his brother Arthur, Pierre, and Kika.
“Where’s sissy?” Santi asked.
“She’s with your maman, mon coeur.” Charles replied.
“I can’t believe you brought him to the concert, Charles.” Arthur said.
“It would be unfair to leave him in the hotel room with Dot’s (Dorothea) nanny while Jules gets to be here with us.” Charles said.
“I think it’s cute that Charles brought Santi.” Kika said. “How old is Dot now by the way?”
“She is 8 months old now.” Charles said and Kika cooed.
“You took him to the bathroom, right?” Pierre asked,
“Of course I did, I’m not an idiot, mate.” Charles said.
“Why is Jules with Y/N?” Arthur asked.
“I Don’t know, Jules asked if she could go backstage with Y/N and Y/N said she was okay with it.” Charles said.
“Yeah, she had the right idea, do you see how packed it is?” Kika asked. Charles stood up, holding Santi’s hand the entire time.
“Yeah, my Y/N has a lot of fans from all over the world.” Charles commented the lights turned off and the crowd started screaming, Charles saw Santi put his hands over his ears so he got out Santi’s headphones from his backpack and put them on him, carrying him so he will be able to see his mom.
Y/N came out on stage with her first performance outfit.
“Ah, she looks so good!” Kika fangirled.
“Yeah, she does.” Charles smiled fondly.
“How we doing tonight, London?” Y/N asked the crowd and they cheered. “Wow, I can’t believe I’m starting my world tour here. It seems insane to me but it’s also the same weekend as the British Grand Prix so of course it makes sense to start here.” The crowd cheered, clearly having an overlap of F1 fans and Y/N fans. “If you have been a fan of mine for years and have been to my concerts before, hi, it’s so nice to have you come back. If you’re a long term fan but haven’t been to my concert, I am so glad that you are finally able to come. Lastly, if you’re a new fan or your sibling, bestie, partner, child, or even parent dragged you here tonight, welcome! You are going to have a fun time, I promise.” Y/N said and the soundboard person started the instrumental track of her song ‘Fulanito’
“If y’all know this song, sing along, mis amores!” Y/N said. “Que manera, como él consigue de mí lo que quería, quedé partía desde la primera, haciendo lo que no hace cualquiera, y no sale tan bien…” Y/N started singing. Her backup dancers joined her on stage for the performance and they finished that song. There was a ton of applause. “All right, before we start this next song, I’m pretty sure everyone knows I’m married.” Y/N said, putting her hand up to show off the ring Charles bought her once he started making good money in Formula 1 and the crowd cheered. “We have a little family, 3 children to be exact, and my daughter’s dream is to be a performer like me. So everyone clap your hands together for my daughter, Juliana!”
“Sissy!” Santi said, perking his head up.
“Yeah, It’s You’re sister, Santi.” Charles said, they all clapped and Charles saw Jules walk on stage and hugged her mom before standing next to one of the dancers before the music of ‘Arranca’ started playing, Jules was following the dance exactly and she looked like she was having a great time. Charles took out his phone to record his little girl dancing with his wife, when the song ended, Jules hugged Y/N and Y/N squatted down to give Jules’s a kiss on her forehead.
“Give it up for my daughter, everyone! Before my baby goes, she wanted to sing a song with me so I gotta do it.” Y/N sat down on the edge of the stage, Jules following her and the soundboard guy started playing the music of “como la flor” by Selena Quintanilla. Charles took photos of that too.
The concert ended an hour and a half later.
“Hey guys, thank you for coming with me.” Charles told Pierre and Kika, carrying Santi who is sleeping.
“No problem, we had a fun time.” Pierre said.
“Yes! Please ask Y/N if she’ll let me borrow the outfit she wore when she sung Sin Pijama, it’s so cute.” Kika said. Charles laughed.
“Sure Kika, I’ll ask her.” Charles said. Pierre and Kika left and Charles walked with Arthur backstage. When they entered, they saw Jules practicing her dance.
“Papi!” Jules said, hugging Charles. “Did you like my dance? I practiced with Daniela (dancer).”
“You were amazing, sweetie, but call me papa.” Charles said. Jules let go,
“I like papi better.” Jules said before hugging Arthur. “Tio, you liked how I sung?”
“You did really well, and it’s oncle.” Arthur said.
“Fine, oncle.” Jules said and she sat down on the couch. Y/N came out in short and a hoodie.
“Muñeco, Arturito, is Santi sleeping?” Y/N asked.
“Yeah, He’s a little tired, but he was dancing to most of your set, you were amazing out there, Mon coeur.” Charles said, kissing her.
“Yes, you were great, didn’t know you were such a great dancer.” Arthur said.
“Yeah, i took classes when I was younger. Let’s go back to the hotel so we could Santi in bed.” Y/N said, rubbing Santi’s back.
“Yeah, Let’s go.” Charles said.
They go to their hotel, Arthur goes to a different room, charles Charles enters their shared hotel room to get Santi ready for bed while Y/N went to the nanny’s hotel room to get Dot. When Y/N enters their hotel room, Jules and Santi are in their pajamas, he’s sleeping and she’s brushing her teeth.
“Mami, Can we go to iHop tomorrow?” Jules asked.
“Do we have time for breakfast before going to your race?” Y/N asked Charles while putting Dot in her portable crib.
“Yeah we have time, we justa have to wake up early.” Charles said.
“I’m okay with that.” Jules said, she got into bed and fell asleep.
“Thank you for coming to my concert tonight.” Y/N said.
“Yeah, Pierre and Kika loved it, she loved your last outfit by the way, she wants to borrow it by the way.” Charles said, changing into his pajamas
“Yeah, she can borrow it after the tour.” Y/N said
“I am so proud of you, you know. We’re both in a really good place in our careers” Charles said.
“Thank you, i love you.” Y/N said.
“I love you too.” Charles said, kissing Y/N.
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charles_leclerc My princess and my queen singing and dancing together, what more could mask for? The Y/N Leclerc concert was a blast, Santi enjoyed it, my brother enjoyed it, what a great way to have fun before the Grand Prix
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y/n_leclerc love you, muñeco! Glad you had a good time
valeinallcaps yes! F1 driver supporter his Latina Queen, love to see it
maxverstappen1 Kelly and P loved her too! P won’t stop singing “Shower” on the way back from the concert
georgerussell63 Carmen had to tell me what the lyrics meant and I think she sang “MAMIII” a little too hard
danielricciardo she had me dancing in the mirror and singing in the shower this morning, best concert ever!
pierregasly Kika has her tickets for the Paris show, she’s obsessed.
oscarpiastri Lily really wanted to go but it was sold out 😢
charles_leclerc im sure Y/N will have another show in London soon
User32 NO WAY!!! I was there too!
User12 him going to her concert is iconic
User28 the grid going to her concert is iconic
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y/n_leclerc Thank you so much London, you guys were absolutely amazing, thank you for making Jules’s first performance special. Next stop is Dublin!
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sabrinacarpenter loved your performance outfits, they’re so you! We need to collab!
selenagomez never been happier to be in London than last night!
mileycyrus you have such an amazing stage presence
dualipa whenever you’re in LA…
joejonas 100/10 concert right there!
reneerapp that’s mother right there
sukiwaterhouse it was such a great show, loved that you brought your daughter out
liked by y/n_leclerc and others
francisca.cgomes she is an iconic, a legend, and she is the moment. But bestie, where did you get that outfit?!?
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y/n_leclerc its custom made, babe, you could borrow it after the tour!
User31 she’s so real for that
The End
I really hope y’all liked it!
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kayhi808 · 1 month ago
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Idk if I sent this already so please feel free to ignore buuuuuutttttt…..
For first crush:
Abby’s daycare hosts all these different events and one of them happens to be a daddy/daughter dance 🥺🥺🥺…. Guess who she wants to invite? She makes the invitation special by drawing Bucky a letter and maybe having her mama make cookies or something. When Abby’s going to ask Bucky she’s nervous!!!!!
Thank you @crazyunsexycool for such a sweet ask! This will actually tie in perfectly with an ask from @ozwriterchick
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Bucky just returned from a 3 week mission. It's the longest you've been apart since you started dating 8 months ago. Bucky made an effort to call and check-in when he could. He returned today, and wanted to pick up Abby with you. "She's going to be so excited!"
Bucky pulls you in for a kiss & gives you a smile. He's just as excited to see Abby, too.
As you walk up to the playground, Abby's teacher waves at you and goes to gather Abby's backpack. "Look who's here, Abby."
"Mama?" She puts her toys away and runs to the pick-up gate. She notices you aren't alone, 'Bucky!!" She screams and runs to Bucky, only to have him scoop her up and throw her up in the air and catching her in a hug. She giggles so hard. "You're home!"
Making your way back to the apartment, Bucky gives her a shoulder ride home. "How's my favorite girl?"
"I's good!"
"Listening to your Mama?"
"Mmmhmmm," she looks at you, "I's good girl, right? I no tricks you at all."
You laugh, "Yes, she:s been very good." Abby blooms under your praise and does her happy wiggle.
******
After dinner, Abby is noticably antsy. "Cans I be done?"
"May I be excused?"
Giggles, "Yea, can I be 'scuse?"
"Yes you may." Abby gives Bucky a side-eye look and runs to her bedroom.'
He brings your hand up to his lips, "What is she up to?" You shrug as Abby runs back out with a sheet of paper.
"Um...Bucky? I's draw you...um a letter." She hops up an down by his side.
"Did you?" He lifts her onto his lap as she puts the paper down in front of them. "What have we got here?"
You quickly scan her drawing and you know where this is going. "Baby, Bucky just got home. I didn't get a chance to discuss this with him. Maybe we can do this in the morning." You give Bucky a worried glance.
You both can see her wringing her fingers together in her lap, "Discuss what?" Bucky unclenches her little fists in his hands, holding them gently.
Abby leans forward, "My scoon, has um..a big party." She traces the balloons in her drawing. "My Daddy went to heaven, so um..." She traces the stick figure of Bucky with his black and gold arm. "I don't has a dates."
Bucky's fingers goes to the smaller stick figure in a rainbow triangle skirt & a crown. "Oh, wow!" Bucky is speechless.
"Abby? Baby?"
"But I want Buckys as my date, Mama." Turning in Bucky's lap, "I hads an Uncle now," she shrugs her little shoulders and plays with the collar of Bucky's shirt. "But I wants you!" She squeezes Bucky's face between the palms of her hands and giggles.
"Honey, I think Bucky needs to check his schedule. He might have a mission and not be in town." You offer Bucky and 'out' if he needs it.
Silently shaking his head, "I can be there." Abby gasps and squeals, throwing her arms around his neck.
Cautiously, "Buck."
He gives you a proud smile, "Your Mama can give me the date and time and I'll be honored to take my Cinderella to her ball."
"Oh, tank you, Bucky! I loves you so much!" Giving him a loud kiss on the cheek.
Of course she loves him.
@waywardhunter95 @wintrsoldrluvr @rebeccapineapple @ordelixx @onceithough @thezombieprostitute @ilovetaquitosmmmm @julvrs @unaxv @s-a-v-a-n-a-34 @winterslove1917 @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @mrsnikstan @hisredheadedgoddess28 @itsteambarnes @otterlycanadian @purplecolordeer @samsgirl93 @buckitostan @blackbirdwitch22 @littleredwolff @mcucatlady @silas-aeiou @hzdhrtss @florie1 @thecubanator2 @enchantedbarnes @selella @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @cjand10 @pancake-05
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snowysosturn · 3 months ago
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Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo
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Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Finale
Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo
Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.
Warnings : MDNI, drinking, angst
a/n : This is my first ever piece of writing so please go easy on me. Since it is my first time writing and it is a series please be patient with me! I do intend of posting parts frequently, but I am also going on a 2 week holiday this weekend so i’ll try my best <3
‘Y/n are you nearly ready?’ My boyfriend shouted from the bathroom.
‘Almost’ I replied, shoving one of my gold hoops in my left earlobe piercing.
We were going to an ‘End of summer’ party on the UCLA campus. One last blow out before the new school year began. My boyfriend, Alex, was in his junior year of school there, majoring in Economics. I decided college wasn’t for me within the first couple months of my senior year of high school, so following Alex wherever he went and picking up a shitty retail job for the foreseeable seemed to be the most logical thing for me to do at the time.
The sound of laughter and music filled the air as we stepped onto the packed UCLA campus. The summer heat was still present, even as the sun dipped below the horizon. I walked hand in hand with Alex, a touch I haven’t felt in a while. It felt nice to be shown off for once. Alex and I have been together for six years, but somewhere along the way, the spark that once defined our relationship had dimmed, atleast in my eyes. I had been feeling a sense of detachment, it had been growing in my chest for months. It was a weird feeling, being present and absent at the same time. Being exhausted from trying to get what I knew I deserved out of the relationship and grieving the way we were in the beginning, hanging onto the thoughts of what could’ve been. We never went on dates, the flirting had stopped, getting a compliment was very few and far between. The only time we would spend together was watching Netflix on the couch, so being invited along to this college party tonight struck me as effort on his behalf. I had begged him for months to make more of an effort with our relationship. So tonight, I promised myself I would try. For him, and for us.
“Want a drink?” Alex asked as he turned back to me, shouting over the music.
“Yeah, a vodka lemonade please ” I replied. He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. I stood near the door, pulling up the waistband on my high waist jeans out of awkwardness, scanning the room for a familiar face but recognizing no one.
As I took in my surroundings, my eyes caught a girl with dark brown hair, who seemed to be making her way towards me. She had a wide smile that seemed oddly familiar. It made me question myself if I had ever met her before. Before I could piece it together in my head, Alex reappeared with two red solo cups, handing one to me.
“Oh my god? Alex!” the girl called, her voice slightly screeching. Alex turned, and his face dropping before lighting up with a mix of surprise and joy.
“Emily?!” he exclaimed. They embraced in an enthusiastic hug - more affection shown to a random girl in 3 seconds than I had received in 3 months. A slight irk of jealousy hit me.
“I knew it was you! What are you doing here?” Emily gushed, pulling back to look at him while both wrapped in each others arms.
“Wow, it’s been what, eight years?” Alex replied. “I’m majoring in Economics, what are you doing here?”
That’s when the penny dropped. Emily was Alex’s childhood best friend. I had heard multiple, multiple, stories about her over the years. They lived next door to each other since they were 3, until Emily and her family moved to Austin when they were 14, two years before Alex and I started dating. From this point on, I knew the relationship between them was strictly platonic, more of a brother/sister type of love.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’ve just transferred to here from TSU, I’m majoring in Economics too! she wept with joy. “And who’s this? Is this the girl you post sometimes on Instagram?” Emily said as she pulled her focus on to me, my eyes nearly twitching at the word sometimes.
“This is y/n, my girlfriend, we’ve been together six years now” Alex introduced us, as I flashed a smile.
“Nice to meet you, Emily,” I said warmly, extending a hand. She shook it, giving me a sweet smile. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
“All good things, I hope,” Emily joked, as I took a sip of my drink. It was stronger than I expected, “Definitely,” I laughed while slightly wincing at the pungent wave of alcohol in my mouth. “Alex and I go way back. We were practically inseparable in elementary and middle school”
I nodded, as I knew I was about to listen to a relay of information i’ve already heard before. He had spoken of her often, his childhood best friend, lost to time and distance. Eight years apart, yet their bond seemed untouched. I watched as they fell into easy conversation, reminiscing about old times. Emily’s presence seemed to revive a part of Alex that I hadn’t seen in years. He was ecstatic, almost with a new sparkle in his eye, and his laughter seemed genuine. Although I knew they were friends it confused me how he couldn’t give this type of attention to his girlfriend.
I poured myself another drink as the two had made their way over to one of the couches in the living area so the pair could continue on their catch up. I sat physically on the arm of the two seater couch they were sharing. They shared memories about one of their middle school dances while I sat mentally in my own thoughts. I was really hoping tonight would rekindle a relationship of some form, not realising it wouldn’t be ours. Maybe i need to be a liiiiiittle more specific with this whole manifesting thing.
Eventually, Emily’s eyes met mine again. “y/n, why don’t you join in, tell me one of your favourite memories with Alex!” she called out, trying to get me involved in the conversation. “I should have invited my boyfriend, Matt, he’s quite quiet like you too, you’d get on like a house on fire!” Emily exclaimed.
“Sorry the alcohol has gone to my head a bit faster than I thought it would” I said, trying to come up with a valid enough excuse to cover up why i’m not speaking. I’m happy for Alex, I really am. I just wished this could have happened at a coffee shop or something, not when I’m trying to see if I can salvage something from our relationship.
Emily looked back to my boyfriend. “Al maybe you should get y/n home if she’s feeling too drunk right now, we can organise a double date sometime this week to continue our catch up and we can introduce our partners to eachother!”
"That sounds like a great idea! I’ll DM you sometime tomorrow on instagram" Alex suggested. I forced a nod. Somehow, pretending to be too drunk to get myself out of this situation has only landed me further into it. The idea of another couple entering our dynamic is both intriguing and daunting, maybe their relationship is like ours where it’s almost fizzled out? but what if I see they have an amazing relationship and it makes me resent mine even more.
Alex ordered us an Uber and we said our goodbyes to Emily, promising to arrange that double date soon. We weren’t walking hand in hand like we did when we entered the party. It made me feel as if there was something wrong with me. We both walked around separate sides of the Uber. I opened the door for myself and slid onto the back seat, leaning my head again the car window. Suddenly my phone lit up as I received a notification.
“Emily Johnson (@emmyjohns) has requested to follow you.”
I waited until we got home to accept the request, you know, trying to cling onto the whole too drunk to function act I had put on. Alex held my hand while walking up the stairs to our apartment, he must of fallen for my act too, since I was now getting attention again. "Wasn't that great? I can't believe we ran into Emily," Alex says as he unlocked our front door. “Yeah it was great to finally put a face to the name” I replied while I walk into our room to change into my PJs, leaving Alex in the kitchen. He pours me a glass of water and sets it on my bedside locker before he gets into our bed. “Come join me” Alex whispers, gesturing at the free space beside him. “Let me brush my teeth first” I replied. If it’s one thing about me drunk, fake drunk or sober, my teeth are being brushed before I get into bed. Alex rolled his eyes at my response and by the time I finished in the bathroom he was out cold. Shocker.
I turned off the lights in our room and slipped into bed beside him. I picked up my phone to check the time before I noticed a message on Instagram that came in 10 minutes ago.
“Hey girlie…”
a/n : sorry i’ve left a cliffhanger lol, we’ve met the idea of Matt but he’ll be fully introduced in the next chapter. I’ll post chapter 2 tomorrow bc I don’t want to leave it too long before properly introducing him.
taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt333 @sturnfannn @chrissfavhoe @jayde510
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phoneduk · 9 months ago
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I love Reverse Robins Au but I feel like a lot of people interpret it as reverse roles Au rather than how I interpret it Reverse Age au.
Here's how I see it:
Damian:
Is dropped off with Bruce at age 8 - violent assassin child who meets tired goth Bruce who's not quite used to being batman yet and is nowhere near equipped enough to raise a child but he's damned if he's not gonna try his hardest.
It's a bit of a mission at first trying to curb the violent tendencies and raise a whole antisocial person (and wow, he admires Alfred so much more now). He almost quits Batman for a bit until he figures out that making Damian his sidekick might be a good outlet for him.
Duke
Bruce is out on patrol with Damian when he finds a little boy who's parents are out of commission and is too stubborn to believe that the Bat would actually help him.
Damian hates that he's not an only child anymore but eventually warms up to the idea when he realises they can team up against Bruce and that they are not in competition.
When Bruce finds out that Duke is a meta he wants to flinch back and send him away, but he doesn't, partially because he loves Duke so much the idea of losing him so quickly repulsed him and partially because Damian pulled a sword on him at the idea.
Tim:
Roughly 9 years after Damian is taken in Bruce, Damian and Duke are approached by a small boy saying he knows who they are and wants to join them. Bruce refuses but Damian spots the opportunity to have someone else be Batman's sidekick whilst he can become a hero in his own right.
Damian starts following Tim around and looking out for him and then he realises that Tim is being neglected and come on he can't just leave Tim there so he brings him home and Bruce can't really argue against that.
Two months later Batman has a new sidekick and Gotham has a new lone hero.
Cass
They only notice her because she wants them to and absolutely no one questions it when she's bought home. All three boys had wanted a sister at some point and none of them cared about her past or her speech.
Jason:
Tim's a teenager now has almost finished highschool when Bruce goes out one night with the batmobile and comes back to where he parked it find a kid stealing the tires. Bruce can sense that Tim is going to inevitably leave him as well so what better time to take in a new kid when he also will need a sidekick soon.
The decision hurts Tim more than anything else because he's being replaced and he's not ready to be on his own even though he's never been more ready.
Jason grows quicker than either of his other two boys and he's more determined than either of them to right the wrongs of Gotham. That determination was what led him to Ethiopia where his the joker killed him.
Dick
Bruce was at the circus at Alfred's suggestion, something to distract him from the empty seat at the table where his youngest should be. It's at the circus where he sees the trapeze line fail and he can't stop himself from reaching out to the falling artists. It hurts him to take in another child so soon after losing Jason but the thought of that tiny boy who saw his parents die going into Juvie almost kills him.
Dick brings joy into the manor that hadn't been known since Bruce was a boy and everyone in the family falls in love with him.
When the Red hood emerges, angry at his older siblings for not protecting him and wanting to kill Dick they're all a worrying amount of relieved and angry. Surprisingly it's Dick that manages to get him to come back to the family.
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lilislegacy · 11 days ago
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New here so idk if you've discussed this before but what do you think about the judo flip scene.. because I've seen some who consider to be a bit toxic some who adore it so what's you pov on it?
Love ya
I’ve always loved that scene; it’s actually one of my favorites. And here’s the thing: I agree that Annabeth’s reaction was overly aggressive. It was not a normal or healthy way to react. But I do not, in any way, believe it indicates that she is abusive.
Annabeth wasn’t trying to hurt Percy, and she didn’t hurt him. Demigods are much more durable than regular humans and have a much higher pain tolerance. And she knows exactly what that limit is for him, since they’ve fought and sparred together for so many years. Additionally, Annabeth thought that Percy was still invulnerable at the time and couldn’t physically get hurt. And if you’re still skeptical, look at Percy’s response. He didn’t show any signs of pain, fear, or upset. He wasn’t angry or confused either. He laughed. With affection. In no way did he feel actually threatened by her. Percy understood that her actions came from her being overwhelmed by her emotions. After all, Annabeth hadn’t seen her boyfriend for eight months. Percy is the only constant in her life, the one person who makes her feel safe and loved. Annabeth had spent months worrying and not sleeping, only to find Percy completely fine, even better than fine. Although she logically knew it wasn’t his fault, her emotions took over. Initially she reacted as a girlfriend by kissing him. But then, as her adrenaline surged, she instinctively responded like his sparring partner, a role she slips into when she’s pit against him for practice. Her feelings made her flip out a little, but this emotional reaction was a one-time thing, not a pattern of behavior. Percy was perfectly fine, and the scene reflects a moment of emotional release, not abuse.
So let me restate this so I can be very clear. No, judo flipping percy was not a normal way to react. It was overly aggressive. However, it doesn’t indicate that Annabeth is abusive. She was overwhelmed by her emotions and her fight-or-flight response kicked in, which really shouldn’t surprise people. She’s a demigod with PTSD who’s been raised as a child solider. (An extremely traumatized 16 year old child who’s been heartbroken and under emotional distress for 8 months straight didn’t handle her emotions well??Wow! What a shocker! Let’s all go call her toxic and abusive!)
Percy didn’t get hurt or have any negative emotions towards the event. He was fine, she was fine, and it never happened again. They consistently make each other feel very safe and loved.
Can people go try and pick apart a different relationship? Maybe one that actually is toxic?
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f1fnatic · 9 months ago
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100 WAYS TO SAY I LOVE YOU ⤿ l. norris 4
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→ ( in which. . . ) it is your and lando's 4 year anniversary and as a gift, you give him a journal of 100 entries of moments during your relationship, here are some of lando's favorite moments.
→ ( type of fanfic. . . ) written
→ ( pairing. . . ) lando norris x sainz!reader (gender not specified
→ ( content warnings/disclaimers. . . ) this is coming from lando's pov, jumps from 2022-2024 at the end
→ ( author's note. . . ) this is my first time with a short summary type of fic, i hope you enjoy! see the end for more
→ ( masterlist )
→ 12/5/2019, the day we first met
it was my first time in the f1 paddock and carlos had invited me to the spanish gp. you accidentally bumped into me, which caused my piping hot, freshly brewed espresso to spill all over the front of my blouse. you apologized briefly before running off to do whatever media duty you had for that day. later, after the grand prix was over, carlos made you apologize the right way and made you buy me a new shirt. p.s that shirt is one of my favorites :)
→ 24/10/2019, the day we hung out 1 on 1 for the first time
we went to lunch and then found this quaint drive-in movie on the outskirts of monaco. they were playing my favorite summer-time movie, grease. i got to see a different side of you that day. you didn't have carlos to bounce off of, it was sweet to see you for you. your presence was so comforting to me. you were so relaxed and laid back. you fell asleep in my lap and that was when your worries truly melted away. i was very giddy after you left, it just so happened to be the first time my heart fluttered at the thought of you. p.s.s sorry for quating grease so much
→ 31/12/2020, new years eve
the day you kissed me for the first time. at first, i was surprised and thought the alcohol was making you act brash and forward. but after you didn't move away, i knew it was on purpose. i do not know what i could have done if you didn't kiss me. carlos got this picture of us and it has become one of my favorites. it marks such an important milestone in our relationship.
→ 23/3/2020, lockdown
when the uk officially shut down their borders and went into lockdown. monaco had shut theirs down a month prior, so i came to live with you until i couldn't anymore. it was hard, i didn't want to leave you and go back to monaco. we were still figuring out if we wanted to be in a relationship and i knew that the time apart would be difficult to navigate. so much uncertainty and change. it helped us grow into the people we are now <3
→ 31/8/2020, the day you asked me to be your partner
it also just so happened to be my birthday. we had been facetiming almost every day/night. i was watching every single grand prix to show my undying support for you. your unofficial home grand prix the day before had gone well, and i remember being so proud of you. you woke me up by surprising me at my apartment door in monaco with a bouquet of my favorite flowers, as well as my favorite snacks. i couldn't help but cry, but then you asked one of the most important questions ever, and obviously i said yes!
→ 8/31/2021, our 1 year anniversary
wow, i could not believe that we had been together for 365 days. one full orbit of the earth around the sun. you yourself are my sun, lando. the light of my life. that night you surprised me with a high-end massage since we were still in lockdown. you do not know how much i appreciated that, work had made me so stressed. it was wonderful to relax. i remember you being upset because we couldn't spend it together and promised that we would never spend another anniversary apart, and so far, you have.
→ 4/1/2022, when i asked you to move in with me
everything leading up to the moment i asked you was so nerve-wracking that i was trying not to have an anxiety attack. i was so scared that you weren't going to say yes, but, obviously you did. once you moved in, my apartment finally felt like a home. it felt so full with you. the happiness that would run through my veins when i saw that your things were next to mine. your clothes next to mine in the closet, our coffee mugs side by side on the countertop, and our shoes piled next to the door, waiting for us to go out together. that was and still is one of my happiest memories <3
→ 14/2/2022, valentines day
our first valentines together in person as a couple! we had such a beautiful ocean view breakfast that you surpirsed me with (it was delicious btw) and then later that night, you took me to dinner and had max decorate our bedroom while we were out. have it on record that that was my favorite night ever ;)
→ 1/7/2022, our first grand prix as a couple
this just so happened to be the day that we confirmed we were dating!! it was such a weight lifted off of my shoulders to finally be able to call you mine in public. the fans were so supportive. i felt so much pride to be able to wear a jersey with your name on it. that whole weekend was bliss.
→ 31/8/2024 our 4 year anniversary
today. that's all i have to say. today has been the best day and everything i could ask for. today you surprised me with the biggest question of my life. today you asked me to marry you. and, without any hesitation, i said yes. of course, i would say yes. lando, you are the best thing to have ever happen to me. you are my world, my everything, my star in a field of black. you have brought such happiness into my life that i can't even BEGIN to describe. i am so unbelievably happy that you bumped into me that fateful day in the mclaren paddock. if you hadn't, who knows where we would be. i love you so much lan, here is to 4 years and so many more.
woww two posts in the span of a week what is happening... i was deciding to add pictures but i could not find any good ones that made sense for the entries. anyways, requests and feedback are welcome! make sure to leave a comment and kudos as well (only if you want :P)
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luvyeni · 11 months ago
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❛SANTA BABY❜ ( y. jimin )
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p. gf!karina x fem!reader w. 0.7k+
— 𖦹 warnings. wlw ( don't like get off my page ), mentions of unsupportive parents, tribbing , dirty talk
— 𖦹 ( spending your christmas with you wonderful girlfriend ) !
8 days of christmas masterlist
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
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“Wait don’t open them yet.” You girlfriend said. “Rina, I wasn’t going to.” You laughed holding your hands over your eyes. “But you’ve forced me to sit here for five minutes — what could the surprise be?”
You and your beautiful girlfriend had only been together for a few months , and this was your first Christmas as official couple and the first one after you came out to your parents, which didn’t end well — so she was destined to make it the best one yet.
She’d been up since 3 am — she started with breakfast in bed, it wasn’t even a surprise though since you woke up, bit you still stayed in bed per her request. Then you spent the morning opening gifts, which was her basically spoiling you with just about things you had in your many different online shopping carts.
After spending the morning in solitude together, you got ready to go meet her family for the first time — who were amazing and accepted you and welcomed you with open arms, which made you tear up, jimin comforting you.
You guys eventually left, returning back to your apartment — where she rushed you into your room, forcing you to sit down, cover your eyes and wait. “My arms are getting tired.” You whined. “Okay baby open."
You uncovered your eyes, blinking to focus them, your jaw dropping. “Oh wow.” You said at her outfit choice. She was dressed in a very santa outfit, that barely covered anything — a santa hat on top of her head chunky black heels. “You like?”
You nodded, silent due to how gorgeous she looked. “Good, I hoped you would, it’s my last present to you.” She slowly stalked over to where you were on the bed. “gonna be a good girl and listen right?” She cupped your jaw. “Answer me pretty girl.” She grabbed your cheeks, making your lips form a pout. “Y-yes.”
“Good, lay back.” She pushed you gently back, straddling your lap. “So so pretty.” She brought her hand to your boob, squeezing . “R-rina.” You moaned. “that’s I baby, let me hear all those pretty moans.” She said kissing your neck. “gonna fuck you just how you like, just sit back and enjoy.” She took her heels off — along with dress, leaving her in nothing but her underwear and the santa hat.
“Let’s get these.” She reached for your skirt, pulling it down, you sat up quickly taking your shirt off before she pushed you back on the bed, climbing back on top of you, kissing you roughly, squeezing and feeling up your body, your moans being swallowed up by her kisses.
“R-rina please fuck me.” You moaned, she gave you a final kiss before ridding herself of her red underwear, along with yours. “Spread your legs, show me that pretty pussy.” She said, toying with your nipples. “that’s it pretty girl.” She moved to your clit, rubbing it. “you’re so wet for me.”
She held your leg up hooked it with hers, both your clits touching. “Fuck.” She sighed. “Ri-rina please move.” She began to rock her hips slowly, kissing your calf. “Yo-your pussy feels so good.” She moaned. “So fucking wet.”
“Fu-fuck rina, fuck me faster.” You moaned- — she sped up her movements, both of you screaming out in pleasure as your clits rubbed against each other, she reached down, grabbing your hand, guiding it to her boobs. “Touch me.” She moaned, you pinched her nipples, she yelp grabbing you boob returning the favor. “R-rina im gonna fucking cum.”
“Sh-shit me too.” She said, “Cum for me princess, cum all over my pussy make a mess for me.” She rocked her hips even faster. “W-wanna cum with you.” She smiled. “Yeah -fuck- wanna cum together.”  You nodded, your orgasm approaching. “Cum with me.”
“Okay princess, hold on then.” She moved even faster, moaning even louder. “Fuck!  Fuck im cumming, cum with me princess, fucking cum.” She grabbed your hand, something she always did, both of you moaning as both your orgasms washed over, your girlfriend hunched over, pulling you into a messy kiss.
You both were tangled up in the covers, you cuddled in her arms, your favorite Christmas movie playing in the background as you shared many kisses , and teasing touches. “did you enjoy your christmas princess.” You nodded, kissing her. “My favorite Christmas ever, because you’re here with me.” She smiled, moving a piece of hair out your face.
“As long as im here all your holidays will be perfect, no one can ruin them with me
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©️LUVYENI
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amyoffline · 23 days ago
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It's done! The outline for—
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—is below the cut. The goal of this project is to explore the following phenomena with as much context and nuance as I can manage, tracing our history over the past 15 years:
What about us, and what about Dan and Phil, drew in and continues to draw in a very specific audience. If they are a ranch metaphor, we are a pizza metaphor 🥗🍕🫶🏻
Why we were Like That™, by which I mean so parasocially invested in them that we became, at times, the most annoying people on the internet. Much of that reputation is undeserved, and the videos on the phandom to date have been strongly negative. So, uh, I guess I'm going to put my face on camera and (mostly) defend us.
Reblog, share in your Discord servers, reply, or send me messages/anon asks with feedback or resources if you have any! Especially if your experience being in this fandom community has been dramatically different from mine. There are TIT spoilers near the end of the outline, but I'm not tagging because certain individuals seem to be lurking over there. Thank you!
Chapters:
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Full outline:
introduction
cold open
felt personally attacked by jonathan haidt's last press tour
showed up to the phrenaissance 11 months late
had an unexpectedly strong response to their new content, needed to find out why
what the hell are we doing here?
- phenomenology (academics are professionally insufferable) - research question 1: what drew the audience in? - research question 2: why were we Like That™?
what we're NOT doing here
- a strict content analysis or "wow we sucked" video - providing sources for things best left uncirculated, thank you
reflexivity (personal biases)
- american zillennial in public health - in the youtube audience by spring 2010 - lurking in the phandom on tumblr 2013-2015, back* since 2019 - fan behavior i did and did not engage in
(----): truly necessary background information, i swear
(pop) cultural trends, tech, and their intersection
- nerd/geek identity and the first online weirdos - broadcast tv & the music industry vs the internet - defining "emo" - blogging & vlogging - early internet comedy
broader social/economic trends
- so the U.S. economy collapsed in 2007 - a decade that sucked except for rom-coms and square enix games - the flip/slide phone + digital camera + mp3 player loadout
(05-8): early youtube and early phil
youtube: a great video uploader without a clear purpose
the content on the website
- crossposts, corporations, and creative/social outlets - omg guys it's amazing phil - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: justin bieber
the audience of "early adopters"
contemporary social media sites and forums
(2009): origin story
a wild dan appears… in the comments
the global constant that is teenagers being messy online
daring my old school district to sue me
- "one town's war on gay teens" (literal rolling stone headline!) - epidemiology 101: rates of… ugh… "unaliving" oneself - ways kids cope when it seems no adults will help them
the earliest days of dan & phil
- hello internet + pinof - a chronically overexamined timeline - file deleted ---* so how big WAS the audience at the time? ---* acceptable funny/edgy language was just different
contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: lucas cruikshank
omg it's meeeeeee
- how amy & friends were using youtube - ways i was just destined to end up here - being in social environments with peers 3-6 years older
(2010): is it "twenty-ten" or "two thousand ten?"
youtube is a platform about to explode in popularity
- the algorithm before it was The Algorithm™, lost site features - let's take a trip through the wayback machine :3c - actual dan & phil content in 2010 - the green brothers found vidcon - contemporary youtube-to-legacy success: darren criss
social media: also about to explode in popularity
- facebook was cool at the time, believe it or not - law of equivalent exchange: 2010 amy cringe compilation - the birth of instagram and pinterest - youtube slash livejournal (the first phanfics… sort of) - shockfic and its place in the overton window
the beginning of "the great rewiring" as haidt calls it
- ways social media is about to dramatically change - third spaces become online spaces - confounding variable: changing expectations of teens
(2011): the end of an era, the start of an age
a very long tangent on fandom and pop culture
cultural exchange
counterculture and teenagers as concepts
the first british invasion: the 1960s
- beatlemania and its descendents - moral panic about the virtue of tween/teen girls - tv/film/fashion trends being imported from the uk - in parallel, star trek births the modern fandom
the second british invasion: the 1980s
- synth/new pop that came out of the punk movement (hi, emo?) - confined mainly to music and fashion - cool britannia
it's harry freakin' potter
- absolute titan of pop culture influence - the rise of online fandom: examining the horrors ---* what is "wank" ---* flaming, sockpuppeting, and general cyberbullying ---* censorship: ffnet purges, boldthrough, & strikethrough ---* other fandom shenanigans of the time (yaoi paddles, anyone?)
harry potter's over. now what?
- for those who needed coming-of-age hero's journeys ---* twilight and YA dystopia waiting in the wings ---* some pretty iconic tv shows start or hit their stride ---* the mcu's phase one ---* takeaway: the rise of "geek culture" generally - for those who just wanted to go to hogwarts ---* doctor who & the wider world of bbc programming ---* british vloggers, you say? where? on youtube? brb--
end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming
dan & phil in the first half of 2011
- a continuation of 2010… for now - the videos - british pancakes as a case study of bad fan behavior
streaming and social media
- the birth of snapchat, twitch, and younow - netflix starts developing original programming - multi-channel networks (mcns) - digitour
dan & phil in the second half of 2011
- and they were roommates (omg they were roommates) - fantastic foursome - youtube glitches out - the super amazing project - the first proper baking video + wait, is that the bbc?
~ baking interlude 1: christmas cookies ~
the family sugar cookie (sorry, delia)
amy's 2011
(2012): why is anyone nostalgic for this
the transition from desktop to mobile
- massive growth in smartphone ownership 2011-2015 - things one might do on mobile one might not do on desktop - non-online ways smartphones changed being a youth™
what is tumblr and why is my child using it
- how the site is meant to work - fandom, memes, aesthetics, and SOME public figures - want to be anxious and depressed in peace? come to tumblr - this site seems a little……… gay ---* tumblr's very queer, very neurodiverse userbase ---* legacy media representation in 2012: bad! ---* actual academic research on tumblr users (yes, it exists) - the tumblr experience for non-native english speakers
amy becomes a vibrating mass of panic and paranoia
- in context of the above - additional rant about the american public school system
the growing dan & phil audience
- investigating the origin of the term "phannie" - more collaborations = more viewers - more video uploads = more /invested/ viewers - younow and interacting with fans - watch time replaces clicks in the algorithm
online etiquette, or lack thereof
- mid-transition from the 2000s to the 2010s - "professional internet celebrity" is still basically brand-new - lack of boundaries - various ways to be an asshole online - unsupervised kids simply do not engage in best practices
the end of 2012
- dan and phil move to london - wikipedia vandalism - tiptoeing around a top contender for the phandom's greatest sin - super amazing project DONE, now it's BBC RADIO TIME
(2013): arguably the most important year
- wait. what's that six-second video platform over there--
[amy's curated vine compilation]
- a new wave of internet comedians (read: future youtubers) - the zillennial lexicon - other platforms start emphasizing short-form video content - magcon
emo is BACK - well, sort of
- fob hiatus ends, mcr breaks up. my god. you had to be there - more open ties to nerd/geek culture than in the 2000s - these things once again intersect at dan and phil
dan and phil in the first half of 2013
- siri, what's a "sex symbol?" why are you booing me i'm right-- - d&p are everywhere - radio shows, interviewing, hosting - youtube uploads on their individual channels
rapidly changing cultural attitudes towards queerness
- gay marriage will be legal in places other than canada soon - a lot of assimilationist rhetoric though tbh - parallels to the pop feminism of the decade
hey kids, let's talk about compulsory heterosexuality!!
- what is it and why do people do it - academic, tumblr-level, and anecdotal research - the dannies, the phillies, and the phannies
amy
- the closet™ - mental health stigma - 2013 dnp posts from my main blog
dan and phil in the second half of 2013
- subscriber milestones, vidcon - joint content before the gaming channel - phandom starts having a major presence outside tumblr
(2014): achievement unlocked!
it's time to talk about rpf
- definitions (a chance to be annoyingly pedantic) - academic perspectives and fan discourse on the ethics - when the subjects clearly aren't fine with it - so… we can acknowledge "shipping phan" was different, right? ---* sometimes the subjects are fine* with it, actually ---* how dan and phil started to handle the shipping ---* obvious differences between phan and other rpf ships ---* sharing my favorite passages as a first-time phanfic reader
dan and phil in 2014
- wikipedia vandalism 2: electric boogaloo - bbc request show → internet takeover - the 7 second challenge - youtube content, subscriber milestones, rewind - cons and award shows
tumblr reaches the peak of its influence
- yahoo's attempts to monetize the userbase - buzzfeed and aggregators steal our jokes and bait our clicks - legacy media dangles carrots and uses us for free marketing - the legend of korra breaks TV precedent, almost out of nowhere - the tumblr user experience ---* on mobile, without xkit ---* on desktop, with xkit ---* 2014 dnp posts from my main blog
gamergate and its long shadow
- trolling, renewed and revamped - algorithms push increasingly extreme content - the broad conservative backlash conglomerate - increased normalization of conspiracism in general
my greatest sin [not clickbait] [very funny]
- so, circling back to comphet… - the actual story
anyway, let's talk about danandphilgames
- a star is born: dil howlter - different types of gaming content on youtube at the time - why did 17yo amy not subscribe? well…
~ baking interlude 2: chocolate cupcakes ~
make your own frosting. it freezes well
roasting myself further
(2015): it's not queerbaiting when it's real people
facebook "pivots to video"
- mark zuckerberg lied. water is wet - causes other platforms to REALLY double down on video - the birth of musical.ly - corporate-branded creators (read: future youtubers)
queerbaiting enters mainstream public consciousness
- academic origins - early fannish and acafan writing - johnlock, destiel, and sterek - statistics 101: type i error, type ii error, and queerbait
dan, phil, and the phandom
- bbc, cons, & the brits - danandphilcrafts - phan conspiracies ---* japhan ---* body language experts ---* timeline truthers ---* floor plan investigators ---* no but seriously imagine it - regular youtube uploads ---* solo content ---* joint content ---* subscriber milestones, rewind - tatinof uk and tabinof ---* on "selling out" ---* revisiting the statistics 101 lesson: now with real people! ---* never meet your heroes (unless they're dan and phil)
amy's (temporary) exit from the phandom
- it's legal adulthood with a steel chair!! - growing discomfort with some fans' behavior - 2015 dnp posts from my main blog - the closer: final fantasy vii
(2016): season finale
vine's imminent demise
- content platforms behaving badly - content creators behaving badly
youtube after "the great rewiring" (as haidt calls it)
- version 1.0 of the modern youtube algorithm ---* deep neural networks for dummies ---* what's holding creators accountable, or not - advertising and sponsorships ---* basically every child and youth™ is watching now ---* the battle for our attention ---* regulators start to crack down on undisclosed ads - the rise of drama/tea content (and later, channels) ---* youtubers are now seen as regular celebrities ---* dan and phil as the butt of other youtubers' jokes ---* baiting the phandom for engagement
tatinof us and aus
- a proven new model for live show tours - show & documentary released to youtube red (now premium) - [sigh] the tour bus
sea change in online fandom
- the newer, sometimes queerer media in korra's wake ---* better and more representation in live-action tv shows ---* voltron (i'm sorry!!!) ---* the mystic messenger craze ---* alice oseman & heartstopper - the new dynamics of #discourse ---* proship is to anti as phannie is to phanti ---* the bad behaviors of the 00s get a new coat of paint ---* new, though: fans harassing creators ---* a personal note on ace discourse
dan and phil presence off-tour
- the internet takeover ends - regular content, subscriber milestones
so. uh. current events.
- brexit - sorry the united states is a font of chaos - ripple effects
closing out the year
- amy finally gets an anxiety diagnosis and treatment! hurray! - dapgo, rewind - bbc radio awards & the boncas - gamingmas
(2017): time for a rebrand
tangent - sit down!!! buckle up!!! today's lecture is on PSIs & PSRs!!!
"parasocial" as defined by the current zeitgeist
- summing up youtubers' and laypeople's opinions (not dan's) - an unfairly negative stance overall, imo
older academic literature
- the 1956 paper (yes, 1956) - with traditional celebrities - with fictional characters
current academic literature
- with youtubers and other content creators - positive effects on the audience - negative effects on the audience - broader societal implications
fandom spaces as a parasocial experience
- parasocial and truly social interactions with each other - phandom as a supportive, welcoming space for oddballs - what research i can find about neurospicy folks, + anecdotes - me and everyone else on planet earth move to discord
inherent transactionality
- the nature of celebrity - positive effects on creators - negative effects on creators
reexamining early phandom through a parasocial lens
- the good, the bad, and the ugly - the role audience demographics played in all of this - entering, exiting, and remaining in the phandom
end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming
vine is well and truly dead
- some had prepared to become primarily youtubers (smart) - some move to musical.ly, insta, facebook, or snap (less so)
the sun sets on danisnotonfire
- i am very normal about dan's hobbit hair, i swear. - the last dnp content before the rebrand - new apartment, new floor plan investigations
adpocalypse now
- youtube has become the village elder of platforms ---* increased scrutiny, increased responsibility ---* some youtubers had been getting away with !#$!#@% - the scandals ---* pewdiepie + logan paul ---* elsagate and being "family- friendly" (read: ad-friendly) - censorship and monetization ---* adsense revenue goes down as advertisers pull out ---* the glory days of posting whatever and making bank are over
amazingphil and ~daniel howell~
- youtube & younow content - that week in march - vacations and conventions - conjoined baking and the concept of a "soft launch" - daniel & depression → dan as a mental health advocate - truth bombs, ii announcement, rewind
(2018): the phandom vs the hiatus they told us not to worry about
interactive introverts
- "giving the people what they want" - in hindsight… - let's talk about dnp fans from the global south
youtuber burnout
- it wasn't just dan: (more examples than header fits) - the old model was simply not sustainable - newer contributing factors - research on burnout, plus personal anecdotal experience
other dan and phil content
- younow/rize lives - dan's last videos before… you know… - phil's solo content in 2018 (quiff!!) - pinof → wdapteo - the gaming channel
other stuff happening online and in the world
- youtube raises the barriers to monetization - many "pivot to video" creators are now independent - the modern youtuber's multiple streams of income - continuations of societal trends in 2016 - musical.ly becomes tiktok - notable: she-ra and the princesses of power
the hiatus™: part myth, part reality
- how long dan was actually offline - major confounder: tumblr implodes almost overnight - major confounder: perception of content density from '13-'16 - major confounder: rapidly maturing audience - major confounder: our temporal awareness is about to go way ↓↓
~ baking interlude 3: scotcheroos ~
minnesotans and their obsession with "bars"
amy has one last existential crisis (you know, to date)
(2019): demolishing the closet with a nail bat
phil videos in the first 5 months of this very important year
basically i'm gay
- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - multiple things can be true at once
coming out to you
- my thoughts - its legacy in the canon of "coming out" stories - why phil waited (actual explanations, speculation)
amy's 2019
- return to the audience, not really to the phandom (rip tumblr) - strange coincidence that i also had a major life transition
dan and phil: still here, freshly queer
- twitter becomes the main nexus of phandom, by default - regular phil uploads + brief return to younow - vidcon
(2020): go home and stay there
so it's a goddamn global public health crisis
- infectious disease perspective - effects on overall well-being of adults - effects on kids and teenagers (sorry to all of you) - political and economic impacts
hitherto unforeseen levels of online content consumption
- tiktok replaces basically all short-form video content - yet another wave of new (otherwise unemployed) youtubers - you're watching a video essay. these got really popular now. - being young and isolated: thoughts from younger phannies
the Content™ bc that's the one word we use for this now
- phil's videos - when dan is around - that attitude magazine interview - pour one out for the phil solo project(s) the panini wrecked
further political disaster… avoided?
- checking in on the state of social issues previously discussed - unfortunately,
(2021): welcome to the 2020s, we have lingering trauma
THE PHOUSE?!?!?
- social media posts - the stereo shows
other dan and phil videos
- phil's solo videos - gay and not proud - hometown showdown - other joint videos - phil's #shorts (sounds normal in american english)
panini updates
- vaccines soon, uwu??? + entrenched misinformation - pros and cons of remote work - pros and cons of remote school - pros and cons of remote socializing
you will get through this night
- younger me really could have used this book too, dan - thoughts as a professional in a related field - reflecting on some of my more unique circumstances
daring my old school district to sue me (again!!)
- updates: racism and transphobia - updates: right-wing freaks take over the school board again - residents vote against improving mental health resources
(2022): dan returns (still not on fire)
hey so politics are um getting worse
- americans lose the right to reproductive freedom ---* the quickest of histories on where these freaks came from ---* this shit kills people. - trans kids become the punching bag of culture war discourse ---* fuck off! (gently) ---* fuck off! (i have a knife) ---* checking in on terf island
we're all doooooooooooooooomed
- dystopia daily my beloved - the style, the substance, the metatextual analysis-- - not everyone loved it, though. why? - the promo - dan on tour + sister daniel
amy's 2022
- i got covid - then i got long covid: brain fog, pots-like symptoms
some more news (i will work on my warmbo impression)
- dan joins tiktok + danisnotinteresting uploads - phil: uploading less, busy doing remote crisis management - twitter is acquired by an idiot jackass - heartstopper on netflix! ---* the show and what it means to people ---* drama (revisiting "real people can't queerbait") ---* why this has anything to do with the phandom
~ baking interlude 4: cinnamon rolls ~
- lovingly, recipe changes and corrections :) - if i have an opinion about anything, it's sweet yeasted breads
(2023): the phrenaissance
phil
- joins tiktok! - youtube uploads through september - what even is phannie tiktok. i've never used this app. help.
dystopia daily b-sides
- dan memes of 2022 - the 2023 dystopia daily episodes
amy: the doctoral candidacy process
- purgatory, privilege, poverty, and free pizza - checking in on what this is like outside the united states
pretending the panini is over
- complaining about post-adpocalypse censorship standards - honest take about "giving up" on covid - who gets the short end of the stick
the youtube algorithm is BAD and UNINTELLIGENT, actually,
- unhinged rant about not hearing about the gaming rephrival - because i was offline from other platforms. like, @amyoffline.
pov: you are a phannie (not me) on october 15th
- what i was doing on october 15th - saying goodbye forever, spooky week, and november - gamingmas - phil uploads through december
(2024): fifteen years of terrible, terrible influence
hey what the fuck is going on
- dan and phil ---* joint and phil videos ---* jokes they never would've made ten years ago ---* a collection of emotional posts about how far they've come ---* people want fun and silly content again. we'll get to why ---* nostalgia, hope, and other warm and fuzzy feelings - the phandom ---* ancient parasocial attachments, reactivated instantly ---* people are way more normal now. let's discuss why ---* tumblr vs twitter vs tiktok phandom
we're all doomed, youtube version
- my thoughts - thoughts on "dan should/shouldn't" do video essays - i can't objectively evaluate anything he makes bc [gunshots]
terrible influence tour
- legally phlonde - the concept: healing one's inner child / taking it back - we gotta talk about phannies in the global south again - no but seriously imagine it? ---*ogres are like onions, they have LAYERS ---* [placeholder for whatever does(n't) happen]
anglosphere current events once again
- the likely us tiktok ban - the tories get fired - [placeholder for whichever hell americans manifest] - witnessing genocide and feeling powerless
ffx full-circle moment to the intro of this video essay
- the night i found out they came back - why i am doing this, now with context - reflections on a nearly 15-year (parasocial) relationship
whatever youtube uploads we get during fall/december
AMY SEES TIT (nov 14)
- the vibes at the phamily reunion - buying merch to apologize for eternal ublock origin use - how much should i document?? (not during the show) - phanspiracies confirmed - atlanta confessions - favorite bits - the alternate universe where i went to tatinof and/or ii
(2025): the horrors persist, but so do we
whatever 2025 content is out while i'm still working on this
our parasocial social club
- let me be philosophytube for a second ---* every interaction has a parasocial element ---* what are we obligated to do as a phandom, actually? ---* as people who parasocially care about these two dorks? ---* what else should we be doing socially to be at our happiest? - "they're my gay uncles" vs "i'm a little in love, even now" ---* riffing about the boundary/overlap between these camps ---* sibling reads me for filth in a single text (sister daniel...) ---* at least we're all in this together
what's going to continue to draw people in
- grown adults drawing our cat whiskers back on - updates on queer/nd kids - updates on anxiety/depression rates - updates on tech and the broader environment of content - world still feels doomed
tangent - the "hard launch" and why people want it
what are people referring to, exactly
- general definition and other examples - when it comes to dan and phil - maybe they hard launched already and we just missed the memo
the ludonarrative of phandom
- if you got here early on - if you got here in the mid-2010s - if you got here after they came out - if you got here post-hiatus - final fantasy comparison: ffvii's chokehold over first-timers
a rom-com for the ages
- the tropes in play - brief tangent on the evolution of the genre - queer romantic comedies - final fantasy comparison: ffviii's plot and squall/rinoa
phriends… or…
- wholesome influence, slice-of-life - projection - final fantasy comparison: ffxv's gameplay loop, the chocobros
humans don't like ambiguity
- from a media perspective (narrative tension) - research from the hard sciences - final fantasy comparison: fanille ---* the first gay final fantasy characters, actually ---* ffxiii's character development process ---* fang and vanille in the text. brb, clawing at the walls ---* so, if anyone is looking for a phyuri au prompt…
tl;dr: reality is not fiction. make peace with not "knowing"
end tangent, back to your regularly scheduled programming
the phuture
- phil's big solo project when??? - dapg is just the joint channel now - youtube has changed since when dan last "regularly" uploaded - nothing lasts forever, and that's okay
~ baking interlude 5: ranch + pizza ~
- ranch propaganda and ranch metaphors - showing off my dough and sauce skills
conclusions
- a lot has happened in 15 years - [placeholders: don't write your conclusions before you do your research]
Proof this project can only be done in consultation with Tumblr: no other platform we're on could accommodate a post of this length and formatting detail lol
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pinksturniolo · 7 months ago
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Ok, I have this amazing idea for a good smutty smutty fic!
Your bring Matt home for the first time to meet your family (parents and siblings) and you guys get board of just sitting there so you decide to go downstairs into the basement that has a ping pong table and pool table. You decide to play pool and Matt gets turned on by the way you bend over the table and hit the ball (if that make sense lol) and then you guys ykw on the pool table while your family is upstairs.
8 Ball - Matt Sturniolo Blurb
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wow that’s a really good prompt lol thank you anon!! hope you enjoy it <3
content warnings: smut, raw sex, sneaking around, etc.
a/n: i don’t know too much about pool so sorry if the explanation of the game is weird 💀
Matt puts a hand on your thigh under the table, giving a reassuring squeeze. Your leg has been bouncing nonstop with nervousness for the past 5 minutes since you guys have arrived. You smile at him, holding his hand and he winks at you, continuing the conversation with your parents while they ask him about work.
You and Matt drove down to Plymouth over the weekend so he could meet your parents and siblings for the first time. You were from Boston like Matt, but your family had a vacation home on the coast, and it was a summer tradition to spend time here, enjoying the beach and sunshine.
You had recently hit the 6 month mark of the relationship, things starting to get more serious between you two. Just last month, you had met his parents which was terrifying but went really well. Which is why you’re not sure how you were so nervous about him meeting yours, but Matt has been nothing but supportive, always finding ways to keep you calm.
The rest of the night goes great, lots of laughter being shared while everyone eats dinner and by the time desert comes out, you’re starting to feel a little bored with socializing and slightly tipsy from the bottle of wine you and Matt split.
Matt takes notice from the way you stopped engaging in the conversations, a small yawn escaping your mouth as you draw mindless circles on his arm. His hand is rested on your thigh again, his thumb rubbing back and forth over your bare skin.
He loved when you wore sundresses, not only because you looked so good in them, but also because it showed off your smooth long legs which he was obsessed with running his hands over, and pressing his lips to the soft plush of your inner thighs. Not to mention the easy access, the way he could just lift the dress up when he was behind you and pull your panties down, slipping his cock inside you with ease.
“Matt.” you whisper in his ear, breaking him out of his thoughts. “You wanna go somewhere? I’m so bored.”
Everyone seems preoccupied in their own conversations, having already asked Matt every possible question they could. He nods and rubs your shoulder, setting his napkin on his plate. “Sure baby.”
You both excuse yourselves from the table and an idea pops into your head as you lead Matt inside the house, to the game room downstairs.
“Remember how you said you wanted to teach me to play pool?” you ask him, a playful smile on your face as you grab his hand, walking down the staircase.
“No way. You guys have a pool table?” he says.
“Yup. And a ping pong table. And shuffleboard.” you reply and he laughs, thrusting his fist in the air cheerfully as you enter the game room, the large felt green table in the center.
He closes the door behind him as you walk up to the table, grabbing the pool stick. The balls are already arranged in the middle as you remove the holder and stand at the side, awkwardly holding it.
Matt tries to hide his laugh as he watches you attempt to figure out the right way to hit the ball, missing each time as the stick slips through your fingers.
“Uh, a little help here please?” You ask, looking at him with frustration when he finally moves towards you, chuckling as he takes the pool stick from you.
“You gotta hold it the right way sweetheart. Here, let me show you.” he says, standing behind you now and placing the stick back in your hand. He places his hand on your back, softly pushing you forward so you bend over the table.
He leans over you and helps you position your hand correctly, the end of the stick slotting between your fingers. Then he angles your elbow on your other arm, speaking into your ear, his warm breath on your neck.
The feeling of your ass pressed against his crotch gets his blood pumping, and it takes everything in him to not grind himself against you to relieve some of the tension in his jeans.
“Okay, now you’re good. Go ahead baby.” he says.
He stand us straight as you hit the balls, the stick gliding easily through your fingers now. You smile widely and turn around to hug him quickly, now eager to start the game.
However, it’s not even halfway through before Matt is losing his self control, watching you bend over each time it’s your turn. Your dress rides up, showing him your ass cheeks and getting a peek of your baby pink underwear. He’s not even trying to win, hitting the ball lazily, keeping his eyes on you and how good you look.
Matt has been nothing but respectful since arriving in your parent’s vacation home but right now all he can think about is bending you over the table, snatching your dress up and having his way with you.
It’s your turn once more when you feel Matt suddenly push up against you, running his large hands down your back and leaning down to press soft kisses on your bare shoulder.
“Matt… what are you doing?” You whine, unable to help the way you sigh as you feel his lips suck lightly on your neck.
He doesn’t answer, instead he trails his mouth down the nape of your neck and the back of your shoulders, leaving goosebumps on your skin. His hands are all over you, gripping your hips as he presses his hardness against your ass, grinding onto you.
“Fuck…” you breathe out, feeling yourself getting increasingly wet from the way he’s touching and kissing you. Matt hums against your skin, lifting up your dress and yanking your underwear down.
“Baby! Don’t you want to finish the game?” you yelp in shock. “Fuck the game.” he responds and runs his fingers through your pussy, spreading your arousal and reaching down to rub your clit.
You moan loudly and he grips your neck with his other hand, leaning his head down to whisper in your ear. “You can’t be loud, sweetheart. Save that for later. Right now, I need you to be a good girl and stay quiet for me. Okay?”
You nod, and he wastes no time unzipping his jeans and pulling his painfully hard dick out of his boxers, rubbing it through your folds a few times before pushing himself inside you.
You grip onto the edge of the table, arching your back and biting into your bottom lip to keep the moans in that threaten to spill from your mouth.
“Shit baby… always so fucking tight for me…” He groans, throwing his head back and gripping your hips tightly, your dress still bunched up around your waist as he thrusts into you at a good pace, his balls clapping against your skin.
Your heart races at the fear that you both could be caught any second, Matt fucking you while you’re bent over the pool table. But it feels way too good to stop and you have every intention of cumming around his cock before you leave this room.
Matt’s panting and groaning as quietly as he can behind you, his hips slamming into yours. You let him take complete control, your ass bouncing against him with each thrust.
Your little whimpers and muffled moans have him throbbing inside you, sweat building on his forehead as he’s already getting close from the quick pace he’s been keeping.
“Fuck Matt, I’m so close. You feel so fucking good.” you breathe out, feeling yourself clench around him, wetness dripping down your thighs.
He suddenly flips you around and picks your hips up so you’re on top of the table now. You gasp and throw your arms around his neck as he thrusts himself back into you at an unforgiving pace.
“I wanna see your pretty face when you cum baby.” he says, one arm around you, holding you close while he reaches down with his other hand, massaging fast circles on your clit.
You moan against his mouth, your fingers in a death grip on his hair as you feel your legs shake around his hips, your orgasm hitting you. He cums shortly after, releasing inside you, his thrusts now stuttered and uneven.
You both struggle to catch your breath, panting against each other as he finally pulls out, kissing you sweetly.
“Why do I get the feeling this was apart of your plan all along huh? You knew what you were doing pushing your ass out like that.” Matt says, a smirk on his face as he tucks himself back into his pants.
You pull your underwear back on, a playful look in your eyes. “I just knew I had to get you in here once I remembered we had a pool table.” You admit and he laughs, grabbing your hand to help you off. “Naughty girl.”
taglist <3
@sturniolopepsi @junnniiieee07 @whicked-hazlatwhore @tillies33ssss @riasturns @christhopersturniolo @sturnsjtop @seahorsie11 @inveigledvex @honestlyjb @mattslolita @certifiednatelover @glassesmattsbae @eryismum @sturncakez @sturnioloco @wh0resstuff @ribread03
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wosoluver · 7 months ago
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Can you do a misa x reader where it's readers birthday?
Birthday girl
Misa Rodríguez x reader
Misa Rodriguez Masterlist
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──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
It was your birthday week. You were excited to spend your first birthday with your girlfriend and in Madrid. You had moved there months ago.
But every time Misa brought it up, your smile didn't reach your eyes, and you would somehow shut down the conversation. She knew something was wrong, you never shut up about how much you love to celebrate your birthday, and now that it was almost here, you didn't even bother to plan anything.
You had opened up to her, saying how weird it would be to not have your sisters or friends from back home with you. The step to move to Madrid had been a little tough on you, but you knew the importance of becoming more independent and being closer to great job opportunities. She understood how you felt, but she had set her mind into planning the best birthday possible, you deserved more than anyone to have a special day.
"Sofie, have you ordered the cake yet?" - Misa as usual, was taking matters very seriously, like she always did when it came to basically anything she felt like she had to succeed in.
"Calm down I got it, I'll order today" - saying quickly into the phone.
"You haven't yet!?" - annoyed at her friend for struggling at her only task.
"You know, when you said we were throwing a party I thought we were going clubbing or something."
"Your kidding right? I'm already struggling thinking on how I'm going to get her to Raso's apartment for the dinner. And you know she isn't really into people that are not her friends. She wouldn't stand 10 minutes inside a club."
"Right. It's fine, don't worry, we still got like 2 days."
"Two days go by like the blink of an eye"
and it did.
Misa's pov
Okay. It's 7:30 am. I have to get to practice by 8:00 sharp. Leave at 12:00, stop by to get some flowers and a café con leche from her favorite coffee shop. Should be fine. She should be waking up late anyway.
Stoping by the flower shop, I settled for a classic red rose bouquet. Besides being your favorite, they were the prettiest they had. Got the coffee and made my way home.
As soon as I opened the door I saw her laying on the couch, watching yet another episode of her comfort show.
"Good morning mi amor, these are for you..." - handing the bouquet in front of her - "Feliz Cumpleaños baby"
She seemed on a better mood than expected, taking into consideration the last couple of days.
"Buenos dias, guapa!" - jumping up from the couch and giving me a short kiss, taking the roses from my hands - "Thank you so much amor! And coffee?!? God I love you."
"You seem in a good mood, care to share why? Besides the obvious reason?" - looking down at her big smile.
"I sorry I didn't seem so excited the last couple of days, but it wouldn't be fair to myself or to you, to not let myself celebrate right? It's the first birthday I get to spend with you Misa!"
"Only the first of many."
"Kinda cheesy." - she says walking into the kitchen to set up the flowers in a vase.
"Excuse me? Can I be romantic to my girlfriend without being judged?!" - As I followed.
"Okay since I didn't plan anything before hand, can we do whatever I want today?"
"Yes, what would that be?"
"Shower and then lunch maybe?"
"Shower and lunch it is. I'll get the shower running while you finish it up here" - A weight left my shoulders when I realized it would be no trouble getting her out of the house.
After lunch we headed back home, the car ride was quiet and peaceful, and I decided it would be a good time to bring up we had plans.
"So... Since you were kind of down this week, I decided upon making plans for you. I mean us-" but I was quickly cut off.
"Misa, birthday sex doesn't need to be planned, it's kind of mandatory"
"Well yes but, I actually planned something, for tonight!"
"You did?! And you were able to keep it a secret? Wow, you really need to be praised then." - You said it half joking.
Back to the apartment.
"Alright so we have some free time until we need to start getting ready to go..." - I let her know while unlocking the door.
"I have the perfect idea to keep us busy till then..."
reader's pov
Standing both at someone's door, ready for whatever this was, you were excited to say the least. Misa never disappoints and that's been proved time and time again.
Not even 5 seconds later, there was Raso opening the door.
"Hello Y/N, happy birthday!" - She screams happily. The thick Aussie accent ever so present. "Welcome to my place and your birthday spot for the night!"
Hayley was the sweetest. You two had instantly become friends once you met. Unknown to you, when her friend asked for help to set everything up, she was the first one up for it, offering to take charge of everything. She missed Australia like crazy. And knew exactly how you were feeling.
Walking in and seeing the beautiful set up, made you smile and tear up immediately. Seeing all the girls you had grown close to, since you arrived in Spain made you feel so lucky.
The party initially started out as a calm dinner but by now it was a full on celebration, loud music and good drinks.
I saw Misa going out in the balcony, probably to get some air. And trailed off behind her.
"Thank you, my love. Really. It would've sucked to go through my birthday without a party." - I say looking into her eyes with the most love they could bare.
"I got you. Always. I'm so glad you liked it. Also really glad the cake was here." - Even though I didn't get the joke, I proceeded to thank her.
"This must have been a pain to organize. You know, we could of just gone clubbing." -
"That's what I said!" - Svava said from behind us. "I was looking for you two, the girls want to do karaoke!"
"I'm so gonna sing I want it that way."
"We'll be right there!" - Misa yelled through the loud music as she left us alone once more.
We stood there, just appreciating each other's presence. After sharing a kiss in a warm hug, Misa finally spoke again.
"First one down, forever to go!"
──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──
As always, would love to hear your thoughts! 🩷
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