#it’s more that i wish i could just stop existing

[hdusa]

printer zam.... would you ever consider uploading lore streams into clipped down vids for a second channel.....

fuuuuuuuck I should just continue the 2nd channel abyss stuff with just clips of the super important stuff with zero cuts unless it’s for a big jump 😭😭

[kiame-sama]

Lmao, I just had a thought: what we find out that Kalim is a genie and we "steal/claim" him jokingly for the supposed three wishes and Jamil gets especially mad not bc we stole Kalim, but because Kalim got "claimed" by us... idk I'm losing my shit over this thought. Especially if Jamil (who is a Naga if I'm remembering correctly) just wraps around us and refuses to let us out of his coils for hours bc he's jelly.

(I saw your post of which creatures ate humans and I thought that nagas would be on there, but I also had a possible headcannon? What if nagas just ate anything they deemed as prey? A rabbit wanders nearby: eaten. A deer: eaten. A human: why not? *nom*)

Also! Ortho is DEFINITELY a PLATONIC yandere, right? Bc even when people age him up, it just feels iffy to have him as a romantic interest bc I just can't see him as mentally anything above ten-ish. Not tryna be condescending or anything, I'm just double checking.

Last question (I think). How much processed or junk or street food exist? Like would the characters lose there shit over fried chicken and other fried foods? Tbh, I can see Ruggie swearing his loyalty right then and there after trying some Ramen or smth

Jamil would be beside himself with stress. Kalim is the WORST genie of his family and always makes terrible decisions when it comes to wishes. Almost all wishes granted by Kalim instantly turn bad even if the wish was simple. Jamil would be stressed about the idea of this clueless Human actually making a wish and he will put you in Coil-Jail for trying it. (Coil jail is being wrapped from lower ribs to ankles in Jamil's coils. Kalim is frequently in Coil-jail)

Nagas took part in Human consumption, but it was to a lesser and more infrequent degree than the main six species that were Human-eaters.

Ortho (and Grim for that matter) will only ever be platonic no matter what. He is baby boy and I refuse to see him as anything otherwise. He is baby and does not need to be exposed to naughty things. Everyone in NRC respects that Ortho is young and adult conversations stop when he is within 50 meters of someone (since that is his hearing range).

Junk/extremely processed food isn't a thing because Humans died long before they could become prominent enough to make such foods. But to hand batter and fry a chicken leg, letting the wafting aroma call in the ever hungry and faithful Gnoll, Ruggie would be swearing his undying loyalty and permanently pledging an oath to serve and protect so long as he gets more of that fatty-fried goodness. He will be learning how to cook that and he will be sharing all his gained cooking knowledge with Grammy Bucchi.

[trippinsorrows]

are jey's kids really bad or is that just roman being a grump?

oh no, they are bad. lol you ever seen bebe's kids? imagine that.

something like this....

-----

"i want the shipment moved no later than—" the sound of an object crashing and shattering interrupts roman, the speaker shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

third.

this is the third goddamn interruption in under half an hour, and there is no doubt in roman's mind that the cause is the same as it was the prior two times.

and judging by the look on jey's face, he thinks the same too.

standing up, he turns his body toward the house and calls out, "hey, what ya'll doing!"

jimmy snorts and takes a sip of his beer. "ain't it obvious? breaking shit."

jey shoots his twin a look that's the equivalent of 'shut the fuck up' as jey moves onto requesting the presence of his unruly children. "ya'll, get out here now!"

at that, roman scowls. "can't you go to them?" roman could go the rest of his life without being around jey's children, and having already had the displeasure of interacting with them twice today thus far, he's reached his max.

jey starts to offer a rebuttal, reminding his cousin that it was roman who wanted to have the meeting at someone's place other than his. something about the twins being 'destructive'.

it's not like they didn't pay for the repairs on the maserati.

roman grabs his own beer, downing the rest as one by one, the result of jey not being smart enough to use a condom—all four times—come running out, mischief written all over their faces.

but, jey is more focused on the black eye on one of his kids, the matted hair of another, and the small cut on the eyebrow on a third kid.

"what the hell done happened to ya'll?" he doesn't wait for a reply, reminding them, "jordan, were you trying to kill josiah again?"

jordan looks just as unremorseful as he feels, defending, "he deserved it!"

at that, roman actually agrees. out of all of jey's wild offspring, josiah has always been the most irritating.

he probably had it coming.

"how many times i gotta tell ya'll? you can only beat each other up to fight, not to kill!" jey blows out a breath, hands over his face. he sounds as exasperated as roman feels. maybe it's worth whatever destruction his cousins cause to just have meetings at his house. that's not as taxing as being around this shit.

journee, a little nicki in training, just has to chime in, pointing like the snitch she is, "he was being a little bitch, daddy!"

"aye!" jey interrupts, voice firm. "what i tell ya'll about all that goddamn cussing?" he doesn't wait for a reply, scolding them yet again, "stop using all that fuckin' language in my motherfuckin' house!"

one of the kids rolls their eyes, the second oldest boy, roman guesses, is quick with a smartass reply. "mama said we ain't gotta listen to you."

"she said what?"

jimmy shakes his head, murmuring to roman as he gazes at the uncovered pool, the sun reflecting off the lights at the bottom. "here we go...."

"she said you a bit—"

"that's enough!" jey marches over to the table, snatching his phone and mumbling to roman and his twin about being 'right back.' the last thing that's heard is jey laying into nicki, "who the hell you think you are telling my kids—what was that? bitch, i know you not with ole' dude again! man, i'll kill his ass and make you watch!"

the kids, thankfully, disperse back into the house.

roman is ready to pass on his parting words to jimmy and be the fuck gone. the desire for a good workout—or fucking—growing by the second. he might have to hit up sasha. sam was on that shit last time, and he's already in a foul mood.

but, a tug on his sleeve prevents him from doing that, roman's disdain painted over his handsome face. "what?" he asks, gruffly.

jayla rolls her brown eyes and only extends out her open palm. "my birthday is next month."

"and?" roman's more likely to wish jey's youngest daughter a 'happy accidental existence' day than 'happy birthday.'

however, she's undeterred, reminding, "my money?"

that, however, makes roman chuckle. he'd almost forgotten that out the four, she happens to be his favorite unfavorite. he don't like none of him, but she's not as intolerable as the rest. and her hustle is impressive.

pulling out his wallet, he asks, "how old you turning? 5?"

"i'm turning 7, uncle roman." she scoffs, maybe to herself, or him. "old people...."

at that, roman pauses, "you want the money or what, kid?"

she looks down, sheepishly, as roman counts out three hundred dollar bills, laying them in her waiting hand. "there. now don't bother me again until next year."

it's an easy request for the almost 7 year old, her eyes wide as she imagines all the robux she'll be able to get.

stuffing the money into her pocket, she nods and offers appreciation. "good to see you, uncle roman." roman shakes his head as jayla moves over to jimmy. "uncle jimmy....."

however, jimmy is not roman. "girl, i ain't got no money."

jayla stays true to her no filter nature. "so you're a broke ass?"

at that, roman turns his head. he actually has to hold back his smile. yeah, jayla might most definitely become his favorite at some point.

"broke ass?" jimmy, of course, fails to see that he's being baited by a damn second grader and yanks out his wallet, counting out a stack of hundreds and giving it to her. "how's that for broke ass?"

jayla looks like she just won the lottery, and at her age, she essentially just did. she doesn't bother with an expression of appreciation before dashing off with all her money.

and roman just watches as recognition dawns on jimmy's face, effectively ridding him of that goofy ass smile. "wait, that was my strip club money." he hops off the stool and goes after his niece. "get back here, you lil samoan wednesday!"

[evilminji]

I Am? Still? Thinking?? Of My Hive Mind Crechelings Au? (Prev <-)

The Creepy Crechelings? My Fuuuuckin POSSESSED Lil Babies (absolutely affectionate and full of love)?

I CAN'T STOP, man. It's the SOFTEST and WARMEST Epilog? Just... fuck, I wanna cry. It's SO FULL OF LIGHT? So content and happy and "then... our Hero gets to REST. No more struggle. No more pain. Just golden sweetness and simple days."???

The Tragedy Of Darth Vader WAS, ultimately, utterly and completely, because Anakin Skywalker was a GOOD MAN.

Because the Dark took something GOOD and twisted it. Made it MONSTROUS. Killing his soul with ten thousand cuts of doubt and fear. Anger, arrogance, and unwarranted pride. He had COMPASSION. So much love in him he could barely stand to BREATHE.

The world BURNED for how great his Empathy, made the weight of all the universe's suffering, upon his shoulders.

He was GOOD. Could STILL be good. And? The Force DOES work in mysterious ways. It just needs... an in. Someone, ANYONE, to ask the right question. At ANY point. Because it CAN NOT push upon them the answers. Fix for them all life's woes. The Force is not a God... it simple IS. And though it wishes to help, loves them dearly, it can only OFFER what is ASKED for.

And, yes, there are loopholes. Visions and gifts it might give. Technicalities it might work off of. That gut feeling? Well... your INSTINCTS want you to survive. Surely THEY are asking? Are they not? "How do we survive?" They ask. Endlessly. So the Force may answer.

And SURELY, The Force knows, the you of 20 seconds from now, would ASK them to warn you not to eat that fruit. It is poison. That is definitely in line with what you would ask! It can see it. Because Time is simultaneous to the Force. Why, it can even use this to justify, too itself, the Visions! SOMEONE is asking! It can even tell you whom! And when!

It WON'T.

But it COULD.

Yet! Let us focus! Anikin Skywalker!

Do YOU remember how he was born? Oh, sure, we are all PASSINGLY familiar. Born to Shmi Skywalker. "No Father". Etc etc? BUT!!! Details MATTER! And in science? In HEALTH? "Spontaneous Baby" is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

How. What, SPECIFICALLY, made UP the spontaneous baby? From WHERE? Was it air? Energy? A clone? A hypothetical child of Shmi and some long dead individual she could not possibly have met?

These are important questions! Specifically, important to understand WHAT ANIKIN'S SPECIES IS. Cause "humanoid" is NOT a species! A race! Stewjoni and Naboolians are subtly different! Yes, both human variants. But that's the THING, isn't it?

They. Are. VARIANTS.

As in DIFFERENT. Divergent from one another. Perhaps not A LOT, but enough that their unique medical needs might be significant! Different environmental strains, different diets, different evolutionary paths for thousands of years. In SOME cases? They might no longer be COMPATIBLE anymore! Or barely! A tiger and a cat are both feline, but you'd be blind to mistake them as the same thing.

Then we have Anikin.

Who is haaaaalf??? What exactly?

Well, "The Force" according to research. By means of Sith meddling. But! And for the purpose of this ramble??

He is birth was "a work of the midi-chlorians".

.......let that sink in for a second. The Force channeling, HIVE MINDED, symbiotic micro organisms inside Shmi? Were instructed or guided to? Just take energy? Food and DNA. And... 3D print a baby into existence. They did, obviously, it was easy. But CONSIDER WHAT THAT MEANS.

It MEANS?

Anikin is HALF MIDI-CHLORIAN.

(At least in this AU.)

It's WHY he is so, SO fuckin desperate to connect. So ungodly powerful. So destabilized by not having "attachments". His brain is structured by organisms and half IS, of a sort, the sort of organism that REQUIRES an interconnected system. To offload the massive amount of sensory input the Force gives him. To regulate Big Emotions. To form councils and crunch through problems.

To get those good, good Soul Hugs.

Anikin? Not doing so hot. He's been SURROUNDED by what FEELS like a hive? But they keep EXCLUDING him and he doesn't have the words to explain why that upset him. Why he wants to crawl inside their brains an just... just hang. Not touch anything! Just... just nap! Maybe get a hug? P... Please?

Why does EVERYONE HATE HIM?!

But they don't. They just have different boundaries. Are NOT Hive Minds. THEIR Midi-chlorians? Are not at such a high concentration that it affects their thought patterns.

Unlike? The Creepy Crechelings.

Who absolutely doooooo. THEY are still in the We/Us phase. Boundaries? What Boundaries? We're crawling through each other's brains and on the ceiling! Full of light, love, and horrifying prophecy! Eating sand! Many thoughts, head full! We can taste TIME!!! :D

And it takes a SPECIAL breed of Creche Master with VERY strong shields to interact with them. Mind tricks are both accidental and daily. Poker face of kindness is a must. Good emotional regulation. So when one sees Anikin losing his shit again?

They sigh. Put down their muffin. And go deal with it.

Probably not even awake.

They just feel *Overwhelming Power* and hear upset noises and go "Ah, starting early, today is." Then wander over. And effortlessly defuse the situation. Flop their Force presence on Anikin like a weighted blanket. It would be UNSPEAKABLY rude and invasive to most anyone else? But Obi-Wan just...? Watchs his ex-padawan go BONELESS against this Crech Master he's never met? Like :O

T-teach me. Please, for the love of the Force, teach me to do that.

Next thing you know? They are talking, Obi-Wan getting a crash course in Super Powerful Younglings™ that honestly he should have gotten YEARS ago, but was run too ragged to. And Anikin? Blissed out, high as a kite, at the bottom of a Youngling pile. Mmmmm, lumpy pillow. We gonna sit and sleep and climb all over you, Master Skywalker.

*adoring, emotionally gooey voice* Okay.

He volunteers. Fuck it, he practically LIVES out of that Creche. Padme! Padme, we're adopting. He wants to be a stay at home dad. Build droids. Everything is Beautiful and nothing hurts. *war is still happening* ah. Shit. Right. THAT™.

Okay! New plan. AFTER the war. He has discovered his calling. Is suddenly bonding with Jedi he's never even talked to before. Is that Plo Koon? Plo! PLO! Hey, thanks for lending me that youngling development module! You got any others you recommend?

Him and Obi-Wan? Suddenly getting along better then they have in YEARS. His Master seems genuinely THRILLED he has a clear goal he's working towards and is supporting him ten thousand percent. Openly bragging. Consulting with him. AND? Is so much more OPEN! That Creche Master really helped him Understand how Anikin's brain works!

Which? Leads to Anikin getting healthier. More and more stable. The babies fuckin sneaking aboard. His Men LOSING THEIR SHIT because WHY ARE THERE TUBIES, SIR?! Babies! Infants! Smol, itty bitty, BABY CHILDS!!!???

And? On one hand? He has never felt so clear head and stable as when they are with him. Interconnected. US and WE and THE HIVE. The Force is With Us and We are The Force.

Buuuuuut on the OTHER hand? He is an adult. He CAN seperate what HE wants from what is good for his lil baby friends. This isn't safe. They could get HURT. Die! It... honestly? It makes him think about his mom a lot. He thinks he finally GETS it. Hates that he does. Is in AWE of how strong she was. Hopes he can take the lessons she taught him and live up to them.

Because it's not about what HE wants. It's about what's best for these kids.

They have to go back.

.....except the man he THOUGHT was his friend? THOUGHT was a GOOD MAN? Won't let them LEAVE THE FRONT LINES. Won't even authorize an emergency shuttle. There are vulnerable children. On the FRONT LINES. And Shee-...no. Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, won't let them GET THEM TO SAFETY?

Is THIS what over a decade of friendship means to this man? Is THIS what his "sympathies" are truely WORTH? Empty words and no action? Saying what you want to hear then sitting in his fancy office while CHILDREN are shot at?

Anikin wants to put his fist through a durasteel WALL.

Through some careful maneuvering, some Ships on the way back are are able to pick up the VERY In Trouble kiddos. It'll be about five ship hops. But they'll get there. And in the mean time? The entire GAR now knows where the Chancellor's priorities lay.

But? What to do, what to do? The kiddos are GONE! Anikin's head is gonna start getting crowded. Fuzzy. Crushed up and too small! He literally, physically, NEEDS people. For his mental and ultimately physical health!

"Well... you DID say Midi-chlorians are in every living thing, didn't you? It's just that most Sentients don't have enough to reach the threshold of Force Sensitive. Right?" Says Anikin's medic.

Anikin raises a finger. Opens his mouth to respond.

Considers this genuinely.

Puts DOWN his finger and closes his mouth. Nods. Yes. Yes, they DO. Why? Where exactly are you going with this? Medic taps a message to the GAR in ship message board. Please. You know EXACTLY where he's going with this.

Yeah.

Yeah, Anikin does.

And the Vode? Gotta admit. Having their General curled up like a comm system in the back of their brains? Kiiiiinda weird at first. But he's not? Actually? Touching anything? It's kinda like having someone follow you around, hanging off your shoulders in a hug. Because they feel needy and desperately need the contact. Little awkward? Yeah.

But we move on.

And the General respects boundaries. Politely pulls back and out/away when they want "personal" time. Something he had practice doing cause he's in a relationship. And there are Thoughts and Feelings you DO NOT want to share with younglings. It apparently helped him learn to shield. Quickly. Very, VERY quickly.

They only laugh at him a little bit.

He imagines throwing pillow blocks at them.

But THEN? One of them gets a head wound. Nothing to terrible. But bad enough that the midi-chlorians flow up to the area, to help speed up and properly regulate the healing. Because their's have become more active. Not STRONGER mind you. Just... more ACTIVE.

And they can fucking FEEL their General mentally screech to a full stop. Perfectly, utterly, FURIOUSLY Blank. Like the dead silence before the blaster bolts start flying. Like just after the flash but before the blast hits. A terrible, TERRIBLE silence.

Something is Wrong.

"What Is That?"

What is... WHAT? Sir?

And then things move very, very quickly. All things possible, through the Force. A baby created. Chips UN-created. It really is? Just directing the Midi-chlorians all ready THERE to do what you want them too. Offering up some extra energy, if needed. A Leader to guide the hive.

One deep enough meditation, reaching though-out "HIS" sprawling body? Really, what is the difference between purging a chip from your thigh in THIS body? And being over there? Or over there? What are "walls" or "distance" or this silly concept of "other"?

We Are One With The Force, And The Force Is One With US.

He is every Vode on the Ship. He is Anikin Skywalker. He was a Slave. But now? NOW both he and they and US? Are FREE. He will suffer no slaves in his presence. No more chips or collars with bombs. Time to free the others. Free everyone. Demand ANSWERS.

And they do.

The epilog? Oh THAT I can not stop thinking of.

Padme in the senate. Fierce and accomplished. A storied carrier fighting for the people of the galaxy. Anikin a Creche Master for the POWERFUL kiddos. The strange ones who need someone sturdy.

Who can handle their Us/We phase with grace. Who learns and grows, honors and remembers Shmi Skywalker every time one of them one of them starts to pull away. Starts to develop boundaries. Barriers. Starts to want to be their OWN person. Has not just grown strong in shielding but old enough to develop a defined personality, seperate from their friends.

The twins growing up with a whole Creche of siblings. Because their parents LIVE at the temple. Their mother works at the senate! They wave bye-bye every morning. And spend the day with dad. Not separated, not quite living with them fully either. Not after infancy at least. But the Order is changing.

Vode everywhere. Kids born of Jedi. The Corps withdrawn back to the temple to help handle the influx. Lots of debates about Tradition and Change that Anikin care not a lick about. HE'S taking his Crechelings to the Naboolian Embassy's Spring Festival. Does everyone remember how to be polite? Say "hello"! *various smol children chorus Hello in Naboolian, badly but very earnestly*

Just? Field trips. Droids and Vode dropping by to say hello. Padme being the LION of the senate while her retired kindergarten tearcher equivalent, war hero husband cheers. Adorable but freaky children popping out of the vents. Anikin treating his tiny squad of Tiny Anti-christ Acting Babies as though this were TOTALLY NORMAL and just how children act.

SOFT AND FLUFFY EPILOG~☆

@legitimatesatanspawn @babbling-babull @hypewinter @hdgnj @spidori @tiredafel

[f1ghtsoftly]

my head is scrambled but in Kate Manne’s “The Logic Of Misogyny” she put to words something I always, always knew was true.

Most of the time Men don’t hurt women for no reason, they punish women who assert themselves/their personhood. Misogynistic violence is a punishment, it’s a form of conditioning to get women to behave submissively towards men. To punish women for existing in public without male protection. To punish women for daring to think her intellect, athletic or artistic achievement could come before her sex.

I don’t present super femme anymore or hang around men outside my family basically ever-but when I did I was frequently targeted for sexual assault, usually by men who were frustrated they were attracted to me but couldn’t have me. They felt like I was taunting them-but asserting my right to exist as someone they were attracted to/without any sort of male protection or a male protection that didn’t involve sexual favors/submission. That wasn’t an accident, I’m sure if I meekly cowered behind a big boyfriend, I’m sure if I stayed inside, I’m sure if I didn’t assert myself as extraverted, intelligent, funny or charismatic those men would have left me alone-but that would have meant hiding myself from the world, hiding myself from other women and to me that was a bigger loss than a ‘lil danger. I made choices as a young person that I knew with certainty would bring me in closer proximity to men who wanted to hurt me, I decided that living a freer life was better than living a safe one. I don’t necessarily regret my assessment of patriarchy, I am sad that the price you pay for being an independent woman (in a social sense) in public is assault. I don’t blame women who think their safety is more important than making a statement. I’m sad for us both. I’m grateful I was able to find feminist communities because victimization isn’t just something casual you can shake off, even if it feels like men constantly target you/women in general.

Assault doesn’t just roll of your back either. It hurts. In the moment and for years afterwards it hurts. It’s always senseless. Always dehumanizing to the extreme. Always enraging. Always profoundly violating. Always a shock. I struggle to reconcile what I know about rape with what I know about people. I know people can be cruel, unthinking, insecure. I don’t know how someone can plot the rape of a friend or a stranger who has done nothing to deserve it. I don’t know how men can secretly tape their lovers, manipulate a young woman into sex she doesn’t want or do any of the things men do consistently or routinely. I don’t know how a boy could look at the face of his too drunk friend and go “this is my opportunity to have my way with her” instead of putting her to bed. Carelessness, thoughtless is easy to imagine. Conscious cruelty is not. Men know what they do and they either don’t care or like it.

I’m crying in a park in my Dad’s pickup truck. “There are worse things than this, you didn’t die-you’re alive” He says “this wasn’t your fault, I just want to keep you safe and what happened to you isn’t something I can control even though I wish I could”. “I’d feel better if you lived in Austin, because their self defense laws are better, there are lots of gay people there too”

He makes me laugh. I won’t move to Texas. He’s right, it’s not my fault, and helping me get better at self defense helps him feel like he can do something and while self defense does help-it’s not a perfect strategy. The misogynist’s prerogative is to snuff out the life force of the woman he interacts with, the only way to stop him from trying to do that is to become apart of the living dead. Even then, he’ll get your corpse.

There are worse things than rape in this life. A woman alive is better than a woman dead. I guess, but what life is it when constantly forced to battle for your right to live? When at a moments notice you can be filled from the inside out with death. Rotted from your insides out. I wish New York would let me have a gun. I wish I could make men afraid and polite in my presence the way I feel afraid and polite in theirs. I’m so tired of this.

[snzluv3r]

i feel like the worst person in the world for this thought, but i am SO excited for it to get cold enough for my neighbor’s flowers to die…and i think these self obs from today help me explain exactly why.

cw for descriptions of allergic sneezing + mess

i feel horrible for wishing death on this little old man’s plants, but his garden is full of an entire rainbow of multiple different flowers that have made me sneeze every single day i’ve walked passed them since april.

even on the good days when i manage to hold back an immediate sneezing fit, they still make my eyes water and my nose run, forcing me to try (and fail, almost always fail) to balance sniffling back the mess and trying not to sneeze long enough to make it inside my own place, which is not only a race against the clock but a race against nature itself imo.

i felt especially silly and embarrassing today as i fought against what felt like two different seasons of allergic affliction. it was as if my melodramatic nose couldn’t pick just one allergen to contend with, let alone to publicly humiliate me with—so, even as friday brought with it a merciful conclusion to a long work week of fall allergies, i ended up breathless and sneezy once more, my nose caught off guard after passing by these brightly colored remnants of spring and summer. the comforting, crisp chill and damp smell in the air of the incoming autumn had almost made me forget about the flowers and their threat to my already sensitive nose, until their bright colors caught my eye, in stark contrast with the grey evening sky.

i tried so hard not to inhale until i was past the stretch of flower-garden-allergy-torture, but somehow i forgot that sniffling is a form of inhaling, and the strong, floral scented air managed to hit me even through the double-layered protection of my mask and my existing mild congestion. i don’t think i even got to fully sniffle before my eyes were filling with allergic tears and my breath was hitching, the tickle too deep in my nose to hold back.

like all my allergic sneezes, especially the ones that start when my nose is already drippy and sniffly and dramatically irritated, these were bound to be wet, and there was no time to even pull down my mask, let alone scramble for my travel pack of tissues. in a panic i tried to stifle, which only made everything so much worse and only actually worked for about three poorly stifled sneezes before the first desperate, unrestrained sneeze ripped through me. obviously it didn’t have far to go, given the mask still hugging my face and caging my mouth and nose, but there was no way i was taking off the mask now. the damage was done, and i couldn’t risk the embarrassment of anyone seeing me like this.

not when the more i sneezed, the more mess i could feel run down my chin, completely coating the lower half of my face and inside of my mask. feeling the spray of each sneeze against my mask only made my embarrassment about yet another public sneezing fit worse, my ears and cheeks reddening even more than my nose. i tried stifling again but realized it was pointless, resigning myself to walking as fast as i could while remaining upright as my body snapped forward with harsh, uncontrollable allergic sneezes. my only solace was the slight muffle the (now drenched) mask provided, keeping my head down and towards my chest as i sneezed and shuffled my feet clumsily along the sidewalk. i only ended up having to stop my awkward, sneezy speed-walking once in the remaining two blocks home, for a rogue rapid fit that came so fast, all i could do was stop in my tracks to sneeze over and over again into my mask, my chin tucked into my chest as i instinctively held my elbow up as if to cover the fit despite the mask.

by the time i got into my apartment i had sneezed probably 35 times into my mask and the mess trapped inside was clinging awkwardly to my ever flaring nostrils, making the still unsatisfied itch even more unbearable. it felt almost like purposeful torture, as if the sensation of the mask’s now cool, damp fabric against the existing need to sneeze had become someone who was lightly tickling my nose with a feather, playfully torturing my glistening nostrils as they twitched. my nose was so unbelievably itchy and impossible to ignore in those last few steps to my apartment that i couldn’t help but try to rub my nose against my chest as i fumbled with my keys to unlock the front door. it didn’t even register with me that i was doing it until i had the door open and realized how ineffective of a handsfree nose rubbing method that had been, my desperate attempt at relief only bothering my nose more.

i didn’t even get the door all the way closed behind me before i was sneezing again, my walk up the stairs made difficult by more sudden rapid-fire sneezes, but i was determined to make it all the way home before i lost complete control. even though i was virtually alone, i still had no intention of taking off the mask until i was truly alone and behind a closed, preferably locked door—the thought of anyone seeing how much of a mess i was behind the mask was unbearable, somehow even more embarrassing than all the actual public sneezing itself. it couldn’t have taken me more than seconds to unlock my apartment door, the final destination and end to this nightmare, but it felt agonizingly long as i sneezed in rapid sets of 3s that felt like they echoed up and down the stairs. literally all i could think about was ripping the mask off, finally freeing my nose of the sort of self-inducing allergic torture chamber my mask had become and burying my mouth and nose into about a dozen tissues at once to have the fit of my life (or at least this week 🤣),

i truly applaud this man for not only keeping these flowers alive but THRIVING to the point they’re still pollinating, even as the temperatures drop and leaves fall in the same backyard, but i can’t deny that i daydream about the day i don’t have to try to hold my breath as i walk down that block…

so yeah, i guess in the nicest and gentlest way possible, i can’t wait for this man’s flowers to die (or be moved to some nice imaginary greenhouse in a land far away)

[valentine-cafe]

. ˚◞♡ 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍 𝒆𝒙 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒙 𝒈𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 ꒰ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍'𝒔 𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒔 ꒱◞ ₊˚

⊹ ۪ ࣪ ᥫ᭡ 9948e rishen / gn angel reader ꒱ you loved him with all your heart. but he was the right person at the wrong time. . . or maybe the wrong person altogether. even still, your heart yearns for him. his staring and interactions after your breakup dont seem to take him off of your mind

𖹭. content warnings◞  angst . soooo much pining . JUST TAKE HIM BACK . 1.1k

𖹭. receipts◞  no idea where this came from but i needed to write something with angel rishen because i miss him 

. ˚◞ ꒰ 🍰 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒔 ꒱ m.list . guidelines . characters . lorebook ⊹ ۪ ࣪ 

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who you had numerous fall outs with. he was far too busy with his duties. far too everywhere for you to keep up. while he soared through the skies with the sun shining upon his beautiful form - you could all but watch. your icarus, too far for you to reach

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who you still love with all your heart . . . but your personalities do not mix and you cannot keep up with him. to love him was to hurt. and so even after your split, your heart would continue to tear from the inside out.

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who is always staring at you across the room whenever there is a meeting or gathering of sorts for the angels. watching as you speak with others. as you laugh and try to pretend like he never existed. as though you both never had anything. . . and when you catch his gaze? he won’t turn away. by no means at all. he’ll stare into your eyes. his own shining with so much want, so much need. all for you to see.

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who might not speak to you any longer, but wants you just as much. he knows you both don’t match. but he needs you back in his arms and under his wings. you promised him forever - how could you take it away? it’s so evident in the way that he looks at you. how he deters others he thinks are threats. how he reacted when you found someone new.

“does he treat you better?”

“does it matter?”

“it matters everything.”

the archangel does not dare chase after your fleeting form as you step past him. robes flutter in the haste of your walk. he delights in the scent of your perfume.

and while his heart yearns to chase after. to take you into his arms as he always did whenever your stubbornness rose - he does not. he only leans into one of the many walls of the angel halls.

to his luck, you halt. turn to him with a face full of a thousand unspoken words and hundreds of songs he wishes to hear. even now. even if all they string is cacophonies.

“and why does it matter to you, aryielus? that I am finally happy? that I am taken care of?”

the valour of his wings consumes your presence. rishen, at last, pushes forward and finds position in front of you.

despite the swarms of desolation in his eyes. the look etched on his face tells you this is still a man who will take arrow after arrow if it means keeping you safe.

that is one thing no one will outmatch. no matter how hard they tried.

his fierce loyalty.

“I take great pleasure in the idea of you being happy . . . at last,” he mirrors your words. hesitant. his brows narrow and he takes one more step nearer.

“but do not question why is it any of my business. as though you were not mine but a few moons ago.”

the scent of marigolds and jasmine fills your nostrils as he draws closer. the tickle of his curls on your face makes you wish to pull away. yet your heart stops you. his warmth was - and always is welcomed by your entire being.

“do not act as though you know not of my care for you. how much I need you.”

the placement of his hand is respectful as always. along your side. barely there - like the brush of a delicate feather. ready to slip away and apologise should you will it.

and as his lips ghost yours. you know he will not move them unless you do.

you know you will not taste them.

“I need you more than I can take.”

the smoothness of his voice quivers. your heart clenches.

he withdraws. his steps the only linger of his being. this is how it has been for months, now.

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who cannot stand your new lover. but will never approach. he respects you too much for that. wants your happiness too much to put his own heart first. yet his watchful eyes always linger on you and the other whenever he finds himself in your presence. critical in his watch. jealous in his soul.

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who still gets paired with you on missions and tasks - because you both ‘work well’ as stated by the higher ups. how ironic. he treats it professionally. tries to ignore the way you sometimes brush against him accidentally. how you feel against him when he catches you - pulls you away from danger - and so on. at least he still gets to have you in some way

𖹭. ex boyfriend!rishen who you accidentally swing into dance with during another event of angels. in which partners were exchanged. you hadn’t even noticed that you’d fall right into his arms. nor did he. but the way in which your gazes met had both your hearts soaring.

“how have you been?”

“spare me.”

your words bring a sting to his heart. fill his lungs with burn. yet he does not protest and gives a small nod of his head. his hands steady on you through the slow dancing.

neither of you wish to make a scene and withdraw. and so you will continue until the next exchange.

the guilt in your heart from shutting his question down so quickly builds. and with a sigh, you murmur - “I am surprised you found the time to attend.”

he smiles. bitterly? solemnly? you hope it is genuine.

“I could not pass up the opportunity to see a certain pretty face again.”

the clench of your chest. the wail of your very soul.

“why do you still hold on?”

the air meets your back as the dance wills rishen to dip you. holding on as he always has, always will. clinging as though the threat of you falling is not the only aspect ready to pull you from his gentle hands again.

“well,” he chuckles.

you tear.

“a lover holds on to anything. you promised me forever, my dear.” he cranes over your figure. that same, wonderful scent filling your nostrils. sating your weeping heart.

oh his smile. like a balm to your hurting being.

“you took it away. and yet I still need you. I told you,”

a lump to his throat.

“I need you more than I can take.”

𖹭. taglist◞ wanna join the taglist? fill out this form

𖹭. remember◞ you make a writer's day every time you like, reblog and/or comment on their piece. if you enjoyed my work, please considering doing so<3

. ˚◞ ꒰ 🍰 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒔 ꒱ tip jar . masterist ⊹ ۪ ࣪

[dovesdreaming]

Wish upon a hook

Summary: You couldn’t grant peoples wishes like your mother could but you always asked them what there wish was. Little did you know you were Harry hooks wish.

A/N: thank you so much for 400 followers! <3

Request

Masterlist

-

Being the daughter of the Blue Fairy came with certain expectations. People saw you as a beacon of hope and kindness, a gentle spirit who brought light into the darkest places. Your mother had instilled in you the importance of using your magic to help others, to grant wishes and make the world a better place, one act of kindness at a time.

In Auradon, you were known for your generosity. You didn’t have your mother’s full power to grant any wish, but you had a special kind of magic of your own. You could help people find what they truly needed, whether it was a little encouragement, a moment of comfort, or sometimes, something more tangible. You were always willing to listen, always there to help. But even with all your light, there was one place your magic had never reached, the Isle of the Lost. When King Ben announced the integration of the Isle kids into Auradon, you had been one of the few who were genuinely excited. You’d heard so many stories of how terrible the children of villains were supposed to be, but you didn’t believe in judging people by their parents. Everyone deserved a chance to find their own path, to make their own wishes come true. You were determined to help them, even if no one else did. Which was how you found yourself face-to-face with Harry Hook.

It was a sunny afternoon at Auradon Prep, and you were taking a break by the fountain, enjoying the sound of the water as it splashed down into the pool below. The students were bustling about, and there was a sense of excitement in the air with the arrival of the Isle kids. You noticed them scattered around, their expressions wary and uncertain, like they didn’t quite belong. Your heart went out to them. They looked so out of place, and you couldn’t help but wish there was something you could do to make them feel more at home. That was when you saw him.

Harry Hook was leaning against the wall, his usual swagger evident even as he stood still. His coat hung loosely from his shoulders, and his hook glinted in the sunlight as he watched the other students with a smirk. He looked so different from everyone else, like he was daring them to say something, to judge him. You knew about Harry. People whispered about him, warned you to stay away from him and his dangerous ways. But you didn’t see danger when you looked at him. You saw someone who had been dealt a rough hand and was just trying to find his way in a place that seemed to resent him for even existing. So, naturally, you decided to approach him.

With a deep breath, you made your way over, your blue dress swaying slightly as you walked. Harry noticed you immediately, his eyes narrowing in suspicion as you stopped a few feet away from him. “Hello” you said, offering him a gentle smile. “I’m [Y/N]”. Harry raised an eyebrow, his hook tapping against his side. “Aye, I know who ye are”. His voice was thick with his Scottish accent, and there was a hint of curiosity behind the wariness. “Ye’re the Blue Fairy’s lass, aren’t ye?”. You nodded, your smile not faltering. “That’s right. I’m glad to finally meet you, Harry”. He scoffed, his smirk returning as he crossed his arms. “Are ye now? And what would a lass like ye want with someone like me?”. You shrugged, unbothered by his attitude. “I just wanted to say hello. I know it must be difficult, being here. It’s a lot to get used to”.

Harry’s smirk faded a little, and he eyed you suspiciously. “Ye think I need yer pity?”, “Not at all” you replied softly. “I think you’re strong enough to handle anything. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy”. He looked at you for a long moment, like he was trying to figure out what game you were playing. But when he couldn’t find any trace of mockery or pity in your eyes, his expression softened just slightly. “And what would ye know about it, lass?” he asked, his voice quieter, almost thoughtful. You tilted your head, considering your words carefully. “Maybe not much” you admitted. “But I know that everyone has wishes, things they want more than anything. And I try to help, whenever I can”. Harry’s eyes gleamed with something unreadable. “Wishes, eh? Ye think ye can grant wishes?” “Not like my mother can@ you said with a small laugh. “But sometimes, just listening, just trying to help, is enough”.

He looked at you, really looked at you, as if he couldn’t quite believe you were real. You could almost see the gears turning in his mind, like he was deciding whether to trust you or not. Finally, he let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “Yer a strange one, lass. Kindness like yers, it’s dangerous on the Isle”. You smiled softly. “We’re not on the Isle anymore, Harry”. His gaze flickered, a shadow passing over his eyes. “Aye, but the Isle’s still in us”. There was a depth in his words, a pain that you could feel even without him saying more. It made your heart ache for him, for all of them. You wished you could take that pain away, could make things better with a wave of your hand. But that wasn’t how your magic worked. Instead, you did what you could. You stepped closer, looking up at him with earnest eyes. “Is there anything I can do for you, Harry? Anything you wish for?”

He stared at you, his eyes searching your face like he was looking for something he wasn’t sure he’d find. And then, with a smirk that was both teasing and serious, he leaned down, his face inches from yours. “Aye, lass” he murmured, his voice a low rumble. “There is somethin I would like. It’s my secret for now ask me again in a few months”. His eyes sparkled with mischief and with that he turned to walk away only looking back to smirk at your confused expression. What had you gotten yourself into?

After a few months of the isle kids being at Auradon you had grown close to a few of them, one in particular being none other than Harry hook. He had become a good friend, someone you could rely on in moments of need. You would have never expected to have become so close to him after all the whispers you had heard about him, yet here you were. Friends with Harry and wishing you could make him like you back. Alas you would settle for whatever he gave you and if all that was is friendship, so be it.

You were sat down in the gardens under a tree with Harry having a lazy day in the sun when you remembered your first encounter and how he never answered your question. “Hey, Harry?” “Yes lass?” He slowly turned to you opening one eye. “You never answered my question. What do you wish for?” He stared at you before opening his other eye and readjusting his position so he was turned more towards you. He smirked before easily saying “I want you”. You blinked, your heart skipping a beat as his words sank in. “I’m sorry, what?” Harry’s grin widened, and he straightened up, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Ye heard me. I want ye”.

You felt your cheeks heat up, and you tried to gather your thoughts, stumbling over your words. “Harry, I-I don’t think that’s… what I meant”. He chuckled, clearly enjoying your flustered reaction. “Oh, I know, lass. But ye asked, and I answered”. You stared at him, your mind racing. Was he serious? Was he teasing? You couldn’t tell, and it was driving you crazy. “You can’t just… say things like that!” you finally managed, your voice coming out more breathless than you intended. Harry shrugged, looking entirely too pleased with himself. “Why not? It’s the truth. I want ye, [Y/N]. Been my wish since I saw ye that day”. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you couldn’t look away from him, from the way he was looking at you like you were the only thing that mattered.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” you whispered. He reached out with his hook, gently lifting your chin so you were forced to meet his gaze. His eyes were serious now, the teasing glint gone as he spoke. “Ye don’t have to say anythin’, lass. Just think about it”. He released you from the prison of his gaze. Moving back with a small, almost shy smile before standing up. “I’ll be around, if ye ever decide to grant that wish”. And with that, he turned and walked away, leaving you sitting under the willow tree, your heart racing and your mind spinning.

You had been having a care free day but somehow, Harry Hook had turned your world upside down with just a few words. And for the first time in your life, you found yourself having your own wish granted. Something, or rather, someone you’d never expected. As your mind finally caught up to what had happened you realised you had to catch up to Harry before he got too far away.

-

Thank you for reading!

[nervousyoungtwinfantasydog]

hey alexa, play “bodys” by car seat headrest

[stuckinapril]

There is genuinely so much love ensconcing me rn it’s unreal. Childhood friend throwing me a bday party at her rooftop pool tmr (and im keeping that shit small & exclusive), food made w love from my bibi, drinks and games and music long after sundown, buying the cutest bikini w matching nails, lathering myself in vanilla and coconut body oils, hair marinating in hair masks all day today so my curls get to be all out on my bday, cute pink decorations, all out self care day today before my bday tomorrow. Just??? I cannot believe how bogged down in my negativity bias I get when there are so many exciting changes coming & I am genuinely the luckiest girl alive

[dykedvonte]

why do you hate Joshua Graham or Honest Hearts so much?

This DLC and character represents a bigger issue with fandom spaces I have but particularly fallout fandom in general.

Fallout tends to tackle a lot of topics controversial and not. The first two games it’s heavy cause they are the most satirical and direct with how anti-war, nationalism and etc… they are. 3 loses this as it’s very clear once you play or learn about all the games that Todd and a bunch of guys at Bethesda just liked the 50s post apocalyptic aesthetic and refuse to actually critique the ideals of the time period like the earlier titles.

New Vegas is the game that really gets back into it a degree it almost seems like it’s taking too much on. There are things done exceedingly well while other things are done horribly wrong . I’ve made posts about it before and plan to make a big series of posts (it’s a lot of writing) but my biggest gripe is with Honest Hearts and all the gross and white savior esque depictions it has of indigenous peoples. The entirety if FNV does not do the injustices faced by indigenous people correctly on any count. My two biggest complaints are with the Khans and the tribes in Zion but I’ll talk about the former on a different post.

Both characters of Daniel and Joshua are the most accurate depiction of white saviors I’ve seen and I hate how the DLC tries to justify and defend them. The DLC treats Joshua like this man who has repented for his past actions when he is just retracing his steps after his cruelty bit him in the ass. He was one of the worst parts of the Legion and it is all but explicitly stated that if you don’t force him to be non-violent he will turn the tribes of Zion into the legion 2.0. The Dead Horses and the Sorrows are horribly infantilized by both Daniel and Joshua who both use them for self serving purposes guised by religious duty. The White Legs are the horrible stereotype of violent and savage indigenous and I personally think a lot of their interlinking with Ulysses, his hair and Ulysses character in general are distasteful and very telling of how BIPOC or POC where involved.

But outside of the game it’s the weird obsession people have with these characters ideologies and trying to make them seem more interesting/philosophical than they are. Tumblr is an echo chamber and many fans of Fallout are not the people on this site. Many people are not educated in the issues these characters convey and how poorly they do or used these characters as a poor introduction for their takes. Contrary to what a lot of people believe in, fallout has a prediomeny white cis male fanbase. More importantly a large portion of the fanbase is white.

You can joke how FNV made you trans or see the numbers on post/fics or diverse headcanons but these are kiddy numbers compared to the millions that consume the franchise and aren’t in those more aware spaces or don’t engage in the spaces the same way someone like me does/has to. Their views shape a lot more than people realize and it’s exhausting to be in a space where people don’t correct the more subtle yet toxic aspects of it but also adopt them into some weird quirky view point on the characters or issues. Some people don’t realize and some people don’t care.

My main issue is just the idolizing of these sort of thing in this fandom space and people try to acts like a game like fallout whose tagline is “War never changes” and has never had a game not revolve around political or militaristic factions issues isn’t that deep or doesn’t relate to real issues. I think it’s mainly caused by how over powered you can become and how you can strong arm your way past these learning moments as majority of people who play this game do play it as a power fantasy where they can do so as they please (which of course, go ahead it’s fun) but never take in parallels or lessons in the story as if it was just another first person shooter.

Also like another personal gripe is Cazadores spawn like hell whenever I’m there and I have not found a mod that works to mod them out so I have to play Indigenous Racism the DLC while getting jumped by giant wasps WHILE helping Mormons. Like I cannot catch a break.

[carefulfears]

thinking about scully sitting on the floor of mulder’s apartment just holding him as he wept after his mother’s death and after she told him through tears that it’s time to stop. it’s time to stop looking for his sister.

and how she had already told him that once, seven years earlier, a month into their partnership, when she chased him out of a police station and told him to stop running after his sister because it won’t bring her back.

she called after him to just stop, because she’s the scientist, and that’s the logical conclusion that she had reached.

except later that night, he told her why he does it. that he’s been closing his eyes and walking into that room, thinking maybe, when he opens them, his sister will be there, since he was 12 years old. “every day” of his life.

and she never told him to stop again.

until seven years later, when she rocked him on the floor, and then the next day was asked “why do you want to bring all this back up now?” and answered, “someone owes it to mulder.”

so she started looking. she reopened files, she tracked down records, she went to his mother’s house to dig through the trash. she confronted CSM about what he knew, she flew to california, she held hands and prayed.

she looked at mulder and said “it hurts me to tell you this” and stayed steady in the truth anyway. she listened to him read to her about a 14-year-old girl’s pain, held his hand and told him to get some sleep. she stayed up, kept looking, and found it. “i got it, mulder. i couldn’t believe it when i saw it. it was like it was looking for me.”

the police report from when samantha ran away.

she read the hospital records, went to the home of the nurse who signed the intake report, asked him if he wanted her to go herself.

she left him by the car and walked up and knocked, asked about a patient in 1979. she listened as the nurse described how “you couldn’t forget her or how frightened she was. scared for her sweet life.” and the man who came for her, who wouldn’t put out his cigarette.

earlier the day before, she had been told to just stop. “word of advice, me to you: let it be. you know, there’s some wounds that are just too painful ever to be reopened.”

and she had responded, “this particular wound has never healed. and mulder deserves closure.”

after seven years, she knows now, that you can’t just stop chasing. she knows how heavy grief is, and she‘s seen the effects of carrying it alone. of walking into the worst night of your life every day, eyes closed, hopeful.

you can’t just stop, and you can’t really have closure, but you can help someone carry it.

and ultimately, that’s what made this the end of the road. sometimes the heaviest burden of grief is feeling that pain is all there is left of someone, and that alleviating it would be to abandon them.

scully’s right, this wound has never closed, but there’s freedom in shared remembrance and shared dedication. she doesn’t ask him to stop until he’s ready to know the truth, and she’s willing to find it. she doesn’t ask him to rest until it’s safe for him to, because it’s not forgetting samantha. she knows and she remembers.

[unforth]

Actually, I really wish Tumblr as a whole was less comfortable using feminizing language for gay men, especially gay East Asian men.

[talkorsomething]

I have Got to get more transgender

[piplupod]

just now realizing that i have literally no idea how to feel emotions properly bc I always just shove them down and block them out ?? every time i get home from the centre, there's always things that happened that were difficult or upsetting for me bc im a silly little goober who has issues, and i finally have a chance to like. feel things bc im alone and can finally think clearly. but then it is way too overwhelming to feel the emotions that come up so i just distract myself and ignore the shit that i really should be working through

i feel like im going to have to start at literal infant-level development for these skills but I uhhhh... don't know how to do that. I just know that I need to because I cannot keep repressing everything fhdjdl this is nowhere even close to healthy !!

but... the only way i know how to work through shit is talking about it with people who care about me, and that is not always possible to do, and there's gotta be other ways to work through emotions ??? i even have to often shove down positive emotions bc it gets to be too overwhelming and idk what to do with it 😭

[triglycercule]

i love doodling swapinverse like hello drawing characters aside from the normal mtt is lowkey therapeutic 🧡🧡🧡 anyways i FINALLY FINALLY finished crash's lore!!!! and vice.SER is connected to him,,,, theyre interconnected!!! i forgot how much i liked crash's design (not the design but all the little gimmicks in the design. figuring out all the hanging ribbon bits is annoying but hey it looks good)