#it’s two completely different feelings and so :((( music is so life changing and life saving :((

[ambswoso]

could've been - leah williamson

seeing leah for the first time since you'd broken up couldn’t have fell on a better night, your sisters wedding.

5.3k words shes longggg

first fic please be kind. should i have been completing a 7000 word essay and not this? yes.

leah williamson x mead!reader

here you were, in the back seat of a very expensive car sat next to your sister, holding a bouquet of flowers pulling up to a large stately home. only it wasn’t your wedding, it was beth and viv’s. once upon a time, it might’ve been your wedding, but that dream had long been pushed to the back of your mind. you were here to support your best friend on the happiest day of her life, and that’s it.

“you ready?” your head turned, and beth was already smiling at you, lip between her teeth. “she would’ve been so proud of you bethy, she would’ve loved to be here.” you say, taking beth’s hand in your own, feeling the tight squeeze she gave it as a thank you.

“let’s do this, before viv changes her bloody mind.” beth tries her best to lighten the mood and it works, slightly. she knows what’s on your mind and it isn’t just the thought of your mum not being present today. 

you both exit the car, walking towards the doors of the large manor. it made you feel so small walking through the large double doors and into the ceremony room, with beth just behind you. as the procession music began, all eyes turned to you. the huge building was nothing compared to how small you felt when you saw a certain pair of blue eyes watching you. even after all this time, they refused to blend into the crowd making this short walk down the aisle feel hours long.

you were stood at the front as you watched your sister make her way after you. vivianne’s eyes lit up as the love of her life made her way towards her, and you could’ve sworn you saw her wipe away a tear at one point, which she would vehemently deny to both you and beth later. you took the opportunity to glance around the room at the people who’d been invited to share this day. those same baby blue eye’s catching you off guard when you found them looking straight at you instead of at beth. a small smile was sent your way and a blush emerged on her cheeks as she realised shed been caught admiring you, you simply sent her one back.

on the outside you were calm and cordial, this was your sister’s wedding day. the inside was a whole different story. you felt a pit in your stomach, and you couldn’t tell whether it was simply gut-wrenching anxiety or if it was much worse, butterflies. thoughts that this could’ve been the two of you swirled your head, making you dizzy, but they soon got pushed away when your sister reached you and viv. you sent her a final smile and a squeeze of the arm as she handed her flowers to you, and you took your seat. 

beth and viv stood and exchanged their vows. their love exuded from the words they spoke to each other; you were quite certain everyone in the room could feel it. your heart swelled with pride and adoration for both women stood before you and you could feel the tears welling in your eyes as much as you tried to keep them at bay. 

beth was your role model, always. you put her on a pedestal from the moment you knew how to talk. she could do no wrong.  as much as your parents had been amazing all through your childhood and up to now, it was beth that you had always truly admired. she was your older sister; how could you not want to be like her? it sometimes came out in lightly annoying ways though. like when she was 15 and you were 12 and you wore her favourite t-shirt to own clothes day at school without asking because you wanted to be just like her and ended up spilling pasta sauce all down it. when beth found you in the school bathroom frantically dabbing at the top with a wet tissue, she was livid, but she took one look at the pout on your face and tried her very best to help you get the sauce out and when it didn’t work, she wrapped her jacket around you to save you any further embarrassment. 

you and beth held each other up always, being each other’s rocks when your mother passed away last year. you’d both been there through everything. you held beth up when she tore her acl, with a little help from viv, and beth held you up when you lost who you thought was the love of your life. you knew you’d put beth in an uncomfortable position, but she didn’t care, it was always you over anyone. although, you had a little competition with viv in that department these days.

the ceremony went off without a hitch, your sister and viv were now married. as they both left to have their photos taken, you were now left with beth’s teammates and closest friends. you were always close with the girls from arsenal and england ever since your sister started playing for both teams. you were her little shadow following her to training or cheering the loudest in the stands.  you’d withdrawn from your old friends, not wanting to put anyone in an uncomfortable position, only interacting through an instagram comment or an occasional dm when things went well. 

“hi chick!” steph approached you, giving you a tight and comforting hug, “you look as beautiful as ever.” you thanked her, telling her she did too, and it was only a matter of seconds before the rest of the girls noticed that steph was speaking to you, rushing over themselves.

you were overwhelmed by how many happy faces you saw and the number of questions that were launched at you all at once. you tried your best to keep up with them all as they asked you question after question about your move and your job. 

“oh this is kyra!” alessia introduced as you gave kyra a quick smile and wave, “and this is emily.” you repeated the same action youd just made towards kyra. “heard a lot about you both its lovely to finally meet you!” the smile that was present on your lips quickly faded as a certain blonde returned from the phone call she had to make.

“well i better go, bridesmaid duties to attend to.” you sent a polite smile towards the group and promised to find some of the girls later, hoping the conversations and question would feel a little less awkward after one (or several) drinks. 

“well jesus leah, she definitely doesn’t like you.” kyra let out a loud chuckle at the obvious uncomfortable tension between yourself and leah, not knowing the history that went back four years. leah shoved her away from her as she watched you walk away, over to your best friend.

“oh my god, i think im going to be sick.” you held your stomach as you finally reached your best friend. “why the fuck did i think i could go the whole day and just be fine?”

“you’re okay. you didn’t even speak to her.”

“well if i did speak to her i might actually throw up so that’s probably for the best.” 

“look, its done now. just speak to the other girls when they’re not with her, then you’ll be fine. oh, and you should most definitely have a shot.” she pulled a flask out of her bag, never failing to surprise you. 

“youre joking me, right?” you scoffed but still taking the flask out of her hand and very quickly taking a swig before pulling it back and wincing. “definitely needed it.”

“lets just not talk about her and you can stop thinking about her.” you tried to listen to her as she messed around with putting her flask back into her bag and taking her lipstick out of her bag to reapply but your eyes glanced over to the group you were just standing with.

you watched as leah kept quiet, her hands firmly in her pockets. you wondered if she still had the ring you’d given her on your first anniversary, if she still wore it maybe. she loved that ring, never took it off even once when you were together unless it was football related. whenever you came to a game and they won, she’d subtly kiss the spot where that ring usually lay and you’d melt every single time.

“hey, what did i just say?” your friend nudged you and you shrugged. “no talking about her and no thinking about her, now lets go. we have some partying to do. actually, do you know if any if beth’s friends are single?” you laughed loudly as she linked your arms and dragged you into the room where the reception was taking place and more importantly, where the bar was.

leah’s head raised at the laugh she knew all too well. her favourite sound in the world to this day. what she would do to be the reason you laughed like that again. you’d laughed like that at her reaction to the gift you’d bought her for your first anniversary. you and leah had agreed to no presents and both of you obviously ignored that. she’d pretended to be shocked at the expensive, thoughtful gift but the love and adoration she felt for you and it were real. that same expensive and thoughtful gift still lay on the hand nestled in her pocket. she tried not to wear it too much these days but some days her finger just felt bare without it, especially today.  

slowly but surely all the guests made their way through to the reception room. you were sat at the head of the table and it was just your luck that the table directly opposite you housed beth’s teammates. your gaze did not falter once, you kept it focused on your meal and whoever was speaking on your table, you did not need another slip up with leah today. 

“hi everyone, thank you for coming.” viv announced through the microphone. it was speech time. you felt your palms sweat as you mentally prepared to pour your heart out in front of this many people. “we didn’t really want to do much if the sappy stuff so we got y/n to do it for us. lets give it up.”

you giggled at viv and stood up, taking the microphone from her as the room cheered and clapped. this time you had no choice but to glance at the table in front of you as you heard katie chanting your name, sending her a quick grin.

you cleared your throat before you started speaking. “hi everyone, it's lovely to see you all celebrating beth and vivianne's special day. for those of you that don't know, i used to be beth's favourite person but i think i've been pushed to second place as of late so thank you for that viv.” beth rolled her eyes as the room laughed. “but seriously, i'm beth's little sister.” you took a mini bow. 

“i've seen people come and go out of beth's life, some i was grateful for and some i wish would've stuck around but there's no one i'm more grateful to for sticking around than viv. seeing a light on my sisters face that i haven't seen in years makes my heart swell every single day so thank you.” you shot viv a smile as you glanced from your paper to the couple and around the room. your gaze caught direct contact with leahs but you shook it off and drew your attention back to your speech.

“i remember the day beth burst through the doors of my flat panicking that viv was never going to ask her out and she was absolutely adamant that she wasn't going to be the one to do it, that she was going to wait for viv. so you can imagine my surprise when a week later, beth rang me to tell me she'd got a little bit impatient and ended up asking vivianne out.” you reminisced fondly. what the audience didn’t know was that leah was with you experiencing the same memory. her and beth were the only ones on the room that knew it was a shared conversation between three, not two. the corners of leahs mouth twitched as she recalled beth’s frantic state. it was you that seemed like the older sister in that moment, not beth.

 “i had the same conversation with beth about 9 months ago, only this time she was talking about a much more serious question that needed asking. trust me when i tell you that beth was doubly adamant she was not going to be asking this question, so obviously i expected her to let me know in a couple weeks’ time that she'd done it again, that she'd bitten the bullet and asked. and lo and behold i did get a phone call from someone telling me they'd asked the question and thank god that it was viv instead of beth because i don't think she would've ever let you live that one down vivianne.” you look down to your left where beth was sat and saw her chuckling to herself and nudging viv as if to agree.

“beth has always been my biggest inspiration in life.” you cleared your throat again as you felt your voice waver and a tear form in the corner of your eye. you wiped at your eye, composing yourself quickly. “i’ve always been her biggest admirer for a lot of things but right now the thing i admire most is that she's truly herself. i've only ever seen beth truly be herself around a handful of people in my life, our family, her teammates and you, viv. she is truly marrying her best friend, which is so important. you're marrying someone who makes you laugh, and its the really ugly laugh beth has where she starts snorting and crying. you're marrying someone who wants to be there for you through your best and worst times, and has been and has somehow made the worst times that little bit easier just by being there.” beth squeezed your hand.

“that's all anyone can really ask for in life, and you two have found it. what people wouldn't give to have a love like yours. a love where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable, where you can truly be yourself and where you are loved for exactly that. i used to daydream about what my wedding would look like one day but now all i would want is just to have the same love that you two share.” you look up from your paper to peak at the audience. you found leahs eyes immediately. the both of you knew what you meant when you spoke about dreaming of your wedding. the wedding you thought you’d be one day sharing with leah, that never came to be.

“i'm a very firm believer in everything happens for a reason, and it's when i get to experience days like this and witness pure and true love that it really embeds that phrase into my mind even more. a person i knew who would've given anything to witness this day, would've said the same thing as me, my mum” you felt beths hand tighten around yours as yet again your voice wavered. “oof, im sorry, emotional day.” you spoke out to ease the emotion in the room at the mention of your late mother and dabbed at the tears slowly falling from your eyes. “she would've said ‘you two were meant to be together, everything that’s happened has led you two to be together. i knew from the very start that you'd be together forever’ and she would've been right as per usual. she would've been so proud of both of you as am i but i know she's watching and probably cursing dad for the shoe choice he's made today.”

you composed yourself for a moment. between speaking about your mother and the love that beth and viv shared, it was all becoming a lot for you. you once thought that you and leah shared this same love, in fact you were sure of it. her obvious gaze felt heavy on you as you continued your speech. 

“beth has tried to teach me a lot of things over the years but this might be the one thing i take away and actually listen to for once. that when you find your someone, you don't let them go. if you find your safe space in a person, you should keep a hold of them forever and some people don't” leah felt her heart drop as you looked directly at her. “but thank god the two of you have. i'd like to raise a glass, and i'm sure there will be several more raised through the night so pace yourselves everybody, but for now a toast to my two sister's beth and vivianne.”

you grabbed a tissue from your bag and wiped under your eyes. "right, that was extremely soppy of me. i promise you i'm normally hilarious and a lot less emotional. cheers!' you grabbed your flute of champagne and necked it as everyone raised their glasses and you sat back into your chair.

“that was perfect y/n/n.” beth spoke to you.

“yeah thank you, y/n. there was obviously no better woman for the job.” viv reached over to squeeze your shoulder in thanks. 

“y/n/n? are you okay?” beth questioned as youd yet to react to their words other than a small smile.

‘yeah, i’m fine bethy don’t worry about me, i’m just going to get some air though.” you shot her a smile as you removed yourself from the room to step out into back gardens of the house. 

beth wasn’t stupid, she knew today wasn’t easy for you. as she married the love of her life, you were coming face to face with yours again for the first time in around a year and a half. seeing leah again and under these circumstances was clearly having an effect on you. beth wanted to follow you but she knew you would’ve scolded her and sent her right back inside, not wanting to draw any attention away from either her or viv on their day. 

you stepped outside and made your way to a little patch of the gardens you’d seen earlier, wanting to take a seat amidst the trees and flowers for a moment. you just needed to compose yourself for a minute then you’d go back inside, back to avoiding leah at all costs. 

“you always did have a way with words.” a voice appeared behind you, a voice that still sent a shiver down your spine, despite not having heard it in person for over a year.

you sucked in a breath, not even turning to face her as you shifted on the bench. “what do you want, leah?” you felt her sit next to you. she wasn’t close and you could still feel the heat radiating off her but you still refused to look up. “just wanted to see if you were okay. i know todays been a lot”.

a scoff and laugh escaped your lips, “you don’t know anything. i haven’t seen you for a year.” you finally turned to look at her.

leah knew you’d be emotional today and seeing her probably didn’t help but she couldn’t help herself, she needed to talk to you. she missed you. “i know but that doesn’t mean i don’t still know you.” she waited to see if you’d respond, maybe jump down her throat again and when you didn’t she continued. “your speech was beautiful by the way, even shed a tear or two of my own.”

maybe you’d been a bit harsh on her, i mean here she was trying to make you feel better. you could handle a friendly conversation with her, right? “thanks, not like you to cry so i must’ve done something right.”

the wind blew slightly, blowing your hair out of your face as a silence enveloped the two of you. leah couldn’t bare the thought of the conversation coming to an end so she did what the two of you never had to do, she made small talk.

“how’s barcelona then?” she inquired, not knowing whether to broach the subject or not. you didn’t seem to mind her bringing it up as you shrugged, “it’s fine, its good. it’s far from home and i miss everyone but its okay. at least the weathers better.”

“and the job?” you’d decided pretty early on in life that you wanted your job to be involved in football, but unfortunately you weren’t as talented as your sister in that department so you settled for the next best thing and fell in love with it. you’d been a physiotherapist at arsenal for nearly as long as beth had played for the club, obviously taking a couple of years to get your degree first. even into your adult life and your career you remained beth’s little shadow and loved every second of it. “same old, same old. plenty of injuries to keep me occupied.” the universe and its timings seemed to have aligned when not long after your breakup with leah, lucy bronze had let you know there was an open position for a physiotherapist for barcelona femeni and before you knew it and with a helpful reference from lucy and kiera, you were on a one-way flight to spain without thinking twice. 

“speaking of physio, how’s your knee?”

“its doing good, i mean i had a different physio than the one i was used to but,” she nudged you as a blush presented itself on your cheeks. leah had over exaggerated injuries quite frequently when you were working at arsenal. “yeah i’m getting there.”

“good.” you paused. “i’m sorry about the world cup, i know how beth felt so i can only imagine how you did. i was gonna text you, but i thought that might not be such a good idea.” 

“you should’ve. i would’ve answered.” leah sent you a soft smile. “everyone misses you too, by the way.”

“hm?”

“earlier you said you miss everyone.’ she reminded you of what you’d said only a couple of minutes ago. “well all the girls miss you too. they talk about you all the time, always asking beth about you and how you’re doing.” you could see where this was going, now terrified that leah was about to ruin your perfectly cordial conversation with words you didn’t need to hear from her right now.

“oh yeah, i haven’t seen them in a while.” you brushed off, “life gets in the way sometimes i suppose.” by life you meant leah. you wouldn’t want to put her teammates and your old friends in between the two of you, so you took yourself out of the equation altogether. 

“i miss you too, a lot.” there it was. she did it, she just opened up a box she wouldn’t be able to close.

“leah.” you sighed, “don’t”

“what? i’m not allowed to miss you?” leah became defensive, half expecting you to just say it back to her because you always had.

“i didn’t say that, just stop.” you scooted to the other end of the bench, needing some space between the two of you.

leah lowered her defences and tried again to make you understand what she was telling you, thinking you didn’t believe her or didn’t understand. “we were together for nearly 3 years, y/n/n. i miss you all the time.” you understood her perfectly. you’d felt exactly the same since the day you walked out the door. “leah please, don’t do this.” the difference was, you knew how unfair it would’ve been to leah to tell her how much you missed her and still loved her because you weren’t in each other’s lives anymore. 

“don’t do what?” she questioned you. “tell you the truth?”

“le-“

“because it is the truth. i’ve missed you every single day since you walked out the house and left me there.” leah’s voice began to raise and she stood from the bench to pace in front of you. she wasn’t sure why you were blaming all of this in her and refusing to even have a conversation about it. you broke up amicably, right?

“well i missed you for a lot longer than that.” you spoke up.

“what?” leah caught what you said, but she didn’t understand it. or maybe she did and just didn’t want to face the facts that maybe this wasn’t the mutual, friendly breakup she thought. 

“at least you’ve only had to miss me for this year leah, i was missing you for months before that and you were still around, except you were around everyone but me.” you stood up, as she had. it was your turn to raise your voice. “so you don’t get to sit here and tell me you miss me now when i was trying to tell you for months”

leah reached for your hands, to comfort you. “we were both busy y/n/n-“

you audibly laughed at her comment, interrupting her. “no you were busy. do you know why i wasn’t busy?” you paused, not that you wanted an answer you just needed to take a breath before you started shouting and attracting attention from inside. “because i put everything on hold for you. my job, my friends, my family and i helped you grow and flourish in everything. i held your hand through the euros, through every game, i was the one in the crowd when there was only 100 people in the stadium. but you always forgot that part.”

“i know you were and i was grateful for it every day.” 

the nerve she had. “grateful? maybe in the beginning.” you couldn’t help but scoff at her words. “but you had a weird way of showing it towards the end, leah. you show gratitude by fucking off to events and awards and different countries without so much as a second thought towards me, towards what i wanted. you left me at home, alone. in the home that was supposed to be ours after i sold my place to be with you more, but you just left anyway.” you wiped a tear from your face, quickly as leah sat back down. 

“you’re not being fair, y/n. i thought you wanted to be with me and live with me.” her head dropped into her hands as she balanced them on her knees. as far as leah was concerned, this was all new information. sure you’d spoken when you’d broken up but all leah knew was that you thought the pair of you had grown apart and she knew you were right, but she didn’t know it was her fault you had. 

“i’m not being fair?” you choked on your own words as your lip quivered and your cheeks felt damp. “do you know what’s not fair leah? sitting here telling me you miss me after i’ve been trying so hard not to miss you for a year. what have you been doing since we ended leah? because i had to move away from my friends and my only sister. i had to get another job, make different friends so i could try and get my old self back because everything here is you.” for the first time that day, both you and leah were looking straight at each other. “you’re everywhere and i used to love that, it used to make me feel safe but there became a point where all it did was make me feel sad, le. all you did was make me feel sad.” you slumped back down onto the bench.

“y/n/n, im sorry.” leah slid over to you, pulling you into a hug. for a minute, you let yourself indulge, you let yourself be comforted by leah again until you remembered why you even needed consoling in the first place.

you pushed her away slightly. “i don’t know why we’re rehashing everything anyway. i told you all this when we broke up so please, just stop.” you wiped at your cheeks, not that it was doing much good at this point.

“you didn’t y/n/n. i would’ve made it better if you’d told me this, if i’d have known.” your face was a mess, cheeks red and eyes bloodshot. leah’s hair was ridiculous, pulled in every which way from running her hands through it over and over.

“yes i did, leah!” as much as you tried to keep your composure through this conversation a shout finally rose from you. “maybe not in that last conversation but i told you that i felt like i was all on my own so many times. every time you were away i told you how lonely i felt.”

“and every time i came back home, to you, we were fine.” she tried to grab your hands again. “i had my y/n, my home with me and everything was fine.”

“you were fine! i wasn’t happy, i haven’t been for a while.” you let out in a whisper, voice tired from the arguing and explaining. 

“i’m sorry, y/n/n. i’m so sorry.” it was leah’s turn for the tears to fall. she’d never want to make you feel like that and it made her physically sick to know that she had. you were the love of her life and she’d hurt you this bad, without even meaning to. “if i could take everything back i would. the only thing i’d want to keep would be you- “

you cut her off, finished with this conversation. your shoulders were feeling lighter with the weight of all you’d had to say finally gone. “leah, stop. this is pointless now, i’m going back inside.” you stood from the bench again, brushing off your dress. “please just drop it. it’s beth and vivs day, it’s not about us.”

you left the garden hastily. you needed to get to the bathroom before anyone had a chance to see you and ask questions, especially if those people were viv or beth. thankfully, no one was in there as you opened the door, taking an opportunity to grasp the basin and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“i’ve got concealer and alcohol, which one do you want first?” the only voice you wanted to hear right now appeared as your best friend opened the bathroom door, tentatively.

“alcohol. definitely alcohol.” she pulled her flask out with no problem, letting you take as many gulps as you needed. “how did you know i was in here?”

“she came and told me. said you might need a friend right now.” leah. 

after a couple more gulps and a few dabs of concealer, you came back out of the bathroom, hoping to god you hadn’t missed your sister’s first dance as you were reminded if the reason you and leah even had to be in the same room again. 

beth was still sat where you left her, thankfully as you rejoined the table. “you okay, bubs?” you reassured beth you were fine, quickly moving the subject along and asking what you’d missed. 

the dance that you’d been dreading missing happened not so long after. an acoustic version of ‘enchanted’ played through the room as everyone stood to watch the pair dance. you watched with a smile as they shut everyone else in the room out, just staring adoringly at each other. 

leah had long been back in the room and she watched you as attentively as you watched them. you were right. this wasn’t about you two, but it could’ve been. 

[myfictionaldreams]

I Don’t Care // Mafia!Stuck x fem!reader

Summary: Request on AO3: 'The reader having a menstrual cycle, this one just a little worse than others, and Steve and Bucky worrying and helping her through it.'

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, threesome, dom/sub, fluff/comfort, period sex, mentions of blood, description of cramps, daddy kink, sir kink, vaginal fingering, choking, multiple orgasms, intense, cockwarming, overprotective, possessive behaviour, size different, praise kink

Words: 5.7k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

Mother nature had decided to curse your life today. Every 28 days without fail, your period would be an inconvenience but never to this extent, praying to whatever god was listening to save you from the excruciating waves of pain ripping through your uterus. Not only this, but it was affecting your entire body, feeling drained with fatigue, nauseous and a migraine slowly creeping through your temple.

You were mentally officially done with the day, and thankfully the anticipated meeting with Johann Schmidt was finished and successfully had gone according to plan, which meant no murders and happy handshakes to new beginnings. There were a few relaxed moments after waving them off and you were rushing to the toilet, needing to just sit and mentally process how you were going to survive the rest of the day.

Even though everyone was preparing to leave, there was still food shopping that needed to be completed which was a chore in of itself. Having to buy food for two grown men that ate triple the amount of any normal person was energy draining but now only this, in the evening, to celebrate the new partnership, Steve was taking the two groups to the fanciest restaurant in town.

Groaning, you doubled over in pain as you sat on the toilet, wishing to stay here instead or maybe, cuddled up on the sofa with Bucky and Steve but no, life wasn’t this simple, you’d need to suck it up and get on with the day and hoped it passed by quickly and at least the meeting was over.

Deciding to face the music, you finished using the bathroom, splashing some cool water on your face before exiting, only to come face to face with Bucky who was leaning against the wall, staring at the watch on his wrist.

“Good timing mama, another 30 seconds and I would have been coming in there. Didn’t think it was appropriate to be rushing into the female toilets but you’ve been a while”. Smiling softly at him, you walked over, watching as he extended his arms to pull your body against his chest.

“Overprotective Oaf, can’t a girl go to the toilet anymore without being timed”, you sarcastically mumbled into his shirt, taking a deep breath of his expensive cologne, and leaning into his unnaturally warm body.

“Wow oaf is a new one, thanks Doll”, he retorted but could feel his smile as he rested his mouth against the top of your head, his arms circling your shoulders. “I don’t usually time you in the toilet either, just worried was all, no offence but you’re looking a little peaky today”.

You could have stayed in that one spot all day, his gigantic body just completely dwarfing yours, like a boyfriend cocoon. This was until another cramp ripped through your abdomen, causing you to tense and scrunch your face to stop from audibly shouting. Bucky felt the change, his arms squeezing you tighter before easing himself back so he was able to cup your face, thumb stroking against your cheek.

“That bad, huh?”

“A little yeah. It’s fine, I’m due some pain relief now anyway, I’ll be ok”, it was a lie of course but you didn’t want to worry him or Steve, if it wasn’t obvious, they could be a little dramatic when it came to your welfare. Not that it wasn’t appreciated, but it was only food shopping and a meal then tomorrow, you could all stay in bed if that was what you wanted.

“You’re a bad liar”, he remarked, tilting your face up, capturing your lips in a tender kiss that had you momentarily forgetting about the pain, until a burning hot pain sparked through your head. It almost took your breath away more than the kiss, so much so you had to pull back and take a deep breath, in through your nose and out through your mouth, you could do this.

“Come on Buckaroo, let’s get going”. Bucky didn’t say another word but kept his cool metal hand around yours, leading back to the car where Steve was waiting in the back. Bucky held the door open for you and then climbed into the passenger seat, next to Sam who was driving.

“Everything ok?” Steve asked you softly as you fastened your seat belt, his hand resting against your thigh which was only an invitation for you to cuddle into his muscular arm, leaning your head on his shoulder.

“Yeah”, you responded softly, trying to keep your composure and not flinch as dizziness rocked your body as the car began to drive.

Bucky shifted in his seat before turning, offering you a bottle of water and some pain relief. Offering your thanks, you swallowed the pills with half of the bottle of water, hoping it would also settle the nauseous sensation in your stomach. Leaning back into Steve’s arm, he turned to kiss your temple.

“Where to Boss?” Sam asked Steve.

“Home please, Wilson”.

“Wait no, Sam could you please take us to the store, we still need to go shopping, remember?”

Your eyes flicked between Steve and Sam as the latter looked back at Steve in the rear-view mirror, waiting for confirmation. “Baby, let’s just go home, you need to get some rest”.

Rolling your eyes, you tried to play it off, “I’m fine, and we need to go today we have absolutely nothing in the cupboard, it won’t take us long”. The last part of your sentence was more a hope for you and even though you’d love nothing more than to go home if you didn’t go food shopping today then you’d be forced to go tomorrow and there was no way you were leaving the house tomorrow.

Steve didn’t say anything, only nodded at Sam for him to continue to the shop, the hand against your thigh squeezed but you weren’t paying attention, closing your eyes to stop the nauseous sensation.

It didn’t take long to get to the store and once inside, you gave Bucky the duty of drink refills and Steve fresh fruit and vegetables whilst you’d go to the tin aisle and load up the shopping cart there.

Whilst walking up the second aisle, one of the worst cramps you’d ever experienced destroyed your insides. You could feel the contraction of your uterus, the pain so much that you had to double over and lean against the shelves, biting your lower lip to refrain from moaning in pain, aware that there were still other people shopping and didn’t want too many odd looks.

Trying to concentrate on your breathing, you’d squeezed your eyes so tight that now you were beginning to feel even dizzier, it was an endless cycle of pain.

A warm hand was suddenly easing under your head and shoulder, helping to turn your body until it was leaning into the much bigger and more comforting body of Bucky. You could smell his aftershave before he was even touching you. “Shh that’s it, lean into my body, I’ve got you. Keep taking those deep breaths, the pain will fade”. His words were softly whispered into your ear as he held his metal hand against the back of your head and the other massaged your lower back.

Even though you were hoping to keep up the strong exterior and play off that your period cramps were not as bad as they were, you could not deny the way Bucky and Steve treated you had the butterflies flying in your stomach.

Bucky was right, the pain did begin to fade to a dull ache that left you feeling uncomfortable but able to stand back up and resume shopping. “Sor-” you began but your boyfriend was quick to cut off your words.

“Don’t apologise, never apologise to me”, his sincerity was pulling at your heartstrings, and unsure why tears were suddenly springing to your eyes so you quickly looked to the floor to hide them.

“I hate being on my period, messing with my emotions, do you have to be so nice?” you tried to joke, causing Bucky to chuckle softly and kiss your temple once more, always so affectionate.

Another hand joined your spine, rubbing up and down as Steve stepped behind you, his breath fanning across your cheek as he gave you a quick peck before his spare hand lifted to capture the tears that were dripping down your cheeks.

“Go back to the car baby girl, we’ll finish this” Steve encouraged, keeping his voice low. With your position between the two mafia members, you’d momentarily forgotten that you were in the middle of a store, and not in a little private bubble but with the size of their bodies, you basically were.

Hastily wiping away the remaining tears, you tried to regain some energy, “no it’s ok, I can carry on and neither of you knows what we need to buy anyway”.

 Steve smirked down at you, “I’m sure we can manage and if we forget anything major, we’ll just send Sam to come and get it for us”.

“Are you sure-?”

“Yes! Now please go back to the car”, Bucky gave you a little nudge in the direction of the exit. You laughed at them both, they always managed to make you smile, even if it was for a brief second.

“Everything ok, boss lady?” Sam asked nicely as you climbed into the car as he sat waiting in it.

You were exhausted, lying across the back of the seats, automatically pulling your knees up to your chest like a ball, finding the position that helped most with the cramps, facing the back seat so Sam couldn’t see your face. “Yeah, just need a little break”.

It seemed your ordeal wasn’t over just yet as the next wave of cramps continued, and now in the comfort of the car, even with Sam, you couldn’t hold back gasps of agony.

Unaware of how much time had passed but soon the car was being filled with shopping bags and Steve was helping you to sit up, thumbs brushing away the tears that had begun to fall again. “Let’s get you home”, he nodded to Sam as you fell back into the same position as before, but instead of resting his hand on your thigh, he lifted your top, unbuttoning your jeans to give him access to your abdomen.

Steve and Bucky, as well as being able to eat the same amount as a small village, ran at unnatural temperatures so as his warm fingers began to massage to pained area, you couldn't help but release a relieved groan.

As you returned home, you felt completely drained, limping to the toilet to try and feel refreshed as the boys emptied the car of the groceries which you were thankful for, even going as far as to empty the bags.

It was Steve’s turn to stand guard outside the toilet but unlike Bucky, he didn’t wait for you to be in there for a specific amount of time before knocking. “Can I come in?”

“I don’t think you want to see this right now”, you shouted softly to him, cleaning yourself up quickly before flushing the toilet. After washing your hands and splashing some more cool water onto your face, you exited the toilet to find him smiling kindly down at you, waiting patiently.

“You know I don’t care about those kinds of things”, he reminded you, holding out a hand for you to hold.

You accepted it, loving the feeling of his rough large fingers compared to yours as he slowly pulled you in the direction of the couch in the living room. “Yes I know that but it’s particularly bad today” you referred to your heavy flow. Neither Steve nor Bucky was at all phased by your period, reminding you on countless occasions that they are surrounded by blood a lot for their job and this was different, it was you, it was natural and all they wanted to do was help you.

“Again, I don’t care, honey”, he gently eased the two of you down, making sure that your legs were thrown over his two muscular thighs, head on his shoulder so that he could rest his cheek against you, his facial hair tickling your forehead slightly. Not that you cared as his arms encircled you, one supporting around your back, keeping your body against his, and the other rested on your abdomen again, continuing with the massaging.

Groaning with relief, your face nuzzled into him closer, hand gripping his crisp white shirt, creasing it slightly but neither of you cared. “That feels so good”, you praised him.

“Close your eyes, get some rest”.

This was exactly what you then proceeded to do. Only taking a matter of seconds of being in his heated embrace to fall into a deep sleep. A few hours later you naturally awoke, finding Steve with his eyes closed, for a second you’d suspected he had also fallen asleep but his fingers were still massaging away at your abdomen, even after all this time, surprised that he hadn’t got a hand cramp yet.

Kissing his chin to show that you were awake, your fingers gripped around the arm supporting your body, lifting to look at the time on his watch, seeing that it was nearly the evening.

Pushing on his arm, you attempted to stand but were stopped by his grip tightening, keeping you in his lap. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to get changed, we’re leaving soon”, your voice cracked from having just woken up, fingers brushing your eyes to wipe some of the tiredness away.

“That’s not happening anymore”, he casually remarked, undoing his top button.

“What do you mean it’s not happening? It needs to happen, Johann made it very clear earlier that this needed to happen.”

Steve casually shrugged his shoulders, “I’ll deal with it, now relax, I was comfortable”.

You were dumbfounded by his confidence, your anxiety couldn’t cope when he was like this, it was much easier to just go for this meal than to try and sweet talk Johann around again. Trying and failing again to stand, you released a heavy sigh. “Steve please, I’ll be fine, it won’t take us long”.

It was at this time that Bucky returned, a towel around his neck and nothing on but his sneakers and a pair of training shorts, having come from the gym in the basement. You couldn’t help but look over his toned abs, littered with contrasting scars from his time in the Rogers mafia. “How are you feeling now?” He asked, taking a seat in the chair next to the couch.

“Better thank you. Can you tell him that we need to start getting ready soon? He’s come up with the disastrous plan to cancel dinner with Johann”.

Bucky sat back casually, the muscles in his abs flexing slightly, once again drawing your attention before you looked back into his smug blue eyes. “Firstly, I can’t tell the boss to do anything and you know that and secondly, I’ve already sent the message to cancel, so no changing it now”.

You moved around on Steve’s lap so that you could properly face the blonde who was watching you with casual arrogance knowing he had got his way or no way at all. “Why would you do that?”

“You know why I did that”, his voice remained calm as his eyes searched your face so you sat further back onto his knees and that’s when you felt it, something hadn’t felt right since waking up and this was it.

Glancing down, you noticed a dark patch on his navy dress trousers from where you’d been sitting. In your rush to leave the bathroom, you must have placed the pad in at the wrong angle on your underwear, and now you’d leaked onto your boyfriend's lap. Steve looked down, his face remaining the same, calm and confident.

“It’s ok”, his hands lifted to stroke your upper arms but you brushed them off. Your entire body seemed to heat up as the embarrassment set in.

“I’m..I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t baby, it’s fine”, his casualness about the situation didn’t help your panic as you pushed off of his chest to stand, knees wobbling slightly as the inkling of another wave of cramps threatened to start from the sudden movement.

“Be careful mama, it’s ok-”, Bucky tried to reach for you now but you were so embarrassed, needing to get away from both of them for a minute, racing up the stairs as your heart pounding in your chest. Finally getting to the master bedroom, you were able to lock yourself in the ensuite toilet, taking off your now blood-stained jeans and underwear, cursing again at mother nature for letting her add to the list of bad things that had happened that day.

Now you were in the bathroom, you weren’t sure what to do with yourself. You didn’t have a change of clothes and you couldn’t go back out there because, by the sounds of it, both men had followed you up the stairs and probably getting changed. Your cheeks burst with heat at the thought of Steve’s ruined trousers.

Maybe you could take a bath or a shower, which sometimes helped with the pain but you weren’t able to decide as your uterus contracted with another cramp and it was probably the worst one yet. A deep groan slipped from your lips as you doubled over, leaning your forehead against the countertop, knees straining to keep you from collapsing to the floor and crawling into a ball.

The door handle turned as you made the pained noise, but seeing as you had locked the door, it didn’t open and therefore was swiftly followed by a knock. “If you don’t open this door right now, I’m breaking it down.”

Rolling your eyes at the possessive tone in Steve’s voice, you hobbled over to the bathroom door, clicked the lock and walked back to face your shame, standing in nothing but your shirt and bra.

What you hadn’t anticipated was Steve walking over the threshold and within one step was cupping your jaw, tilting your head back and kissing you fiercely enough that it took your breath away. It took a moment of shock to wear off before your hands gripped onto his wrists, holding him close, kissing him back with as much passion. Even trying to reach onto your tip toes to get closer.

Steve was quick to discard your shirt and bra, so fast you hadn’t even realised he was undoing the buttons until the cool air coated your skin. Pulling back from the kiss as his tongue teased, you pushed against his chest, “Steve wait-”

The mafia boss did not wait. No, he had his own idea in mind as his mouth was back onto yours, body pushing back until your lower back found the cool countertop behind. In another second, his hands were gripping the back of your thighs, lifting you until your bare arse was sitting on the side.

This truly snapped you out of the lust-filled trance he had captured you within. Pushing once more against his chest, your face dropped down so he couldn’t distract you with his devilish tongue. “Steve stop, I’m not wearing any underwear, I need to put a pad on or something.”

It wasn’t Steve who responded but Bucky who was watching at the door, now in a pair of joggers and an old t-shirt, casually leaning against the door frame. He was chuckling as he admired your body. “When are you going to get it Doll, we really and I mean, REALLY, don’t care about that stuff”.

Steve moved his seduction tour to your neck, leaving open-mouth kisses sending shivers through your spine as he inched his way up to the shell of your ear. “What am I going to have to do to make you understand that I don’t care about a little bit of blood, my love”.

You glanced down at the patch on his trousers, biting your lip before reminding him, “but I’ve ruined your trousers, and you’ve had to cancel the dinner because of me”.

Steve finally leaned back, resting his weight on his arms on either side of your thighs as his own blue eyes flicked between yours. “I’ve cancelled the dinner today because you’re in pain and I’m not going to force you to dress up in clothes that won’t make you feel comfortable or leave the comfort of your own home just for a fucking meal with Johann Schmidt. My trousers, they’re replaceable, they don’t mean shit to me, but you know what does? You. So please explain to me what I need to do for you to get into that beautiful brain of yours, what I can do to show that I really couldn’t give a shit about a little bit of blood”.

He always knew the right things to say, enough that you had to once again hide your face to hide the tears.

Your boyfriend had other ideas however as his hand teased up the sensitive part of your inner thighs. You knew his intended destination and reached out quickly to grip his wrist, stopping him, looking up with wide eyes, his words already forgotten about.

“Steve wait, I’m bleeding-”

He tilted his head in a knowing look, pushing easily against your grip until his fingers delved into your folds, brushing against your clit. You gasped, bodily jolting slightly. Steve lifted his other hand, wrapping it around your throat, pushing back until your body rested against the wall-length mirror.

“What did I say? I don’t care about a little bit of blood, now. Open”.

His tone went straight to your core, he rarely ordered things from you as your submissive tendencies meant you were rushing to do them anyway but with your anxiety holding you back, he decided to use his authority which instantly sent you into a horny mess.

“Yes sir”, you responded a moment later, trying to ignore the pounding of your heart that he undoubtedly felt beneath his fingertips at your throat, as you opened your legs wider to him, giving him better access.

“Good girl”, the praise was like music to your ears as you were forced to watch his face as his fingers began slipping further down until at your entrance, not wasting any time to slip two fingers in. You moaned loudly, swapping to hold onto the wrist that was holding your neck, not choking, just making sure you didn’t look away from him. His movements were slow, inching in and out, making sure not to hurt you.

You had to admit, that it felt odd, knowing that the wetness that could be felt wasn’t your normal juices but in face period blood and with the cramping, it wasn’t the most comfortable but as his fingers began to curl, increasing your pleasure, the pain reduced.

“Listen to me closely”, he continued. “You are going to watch as I fuck you with my fingers until you’re cumming. Then as I’m fucking you, Bucky over there is going to heat the shower and all three of us are getting in and he can then decide what he’d like to do with you there, do you understand?”

Your cunt was clenching violently around his fingers at his demands, of which every single one you wanted, too lost in the thought of his fingers curling into that beautiful spot within. “Yes sir!”

“That’s my girl”, he praised with a small smile now etched on his face as his thumb began stroking gently against your eagerly awaiting clit. There was now only a jumble of moans and mewls leaving your mouth now as your hips began rolling against his hand, chasing your high. As stated before, with each passing minute, as the pleasure increased, all the cramping began to cease until it was a recent memory.

“Open a little wider baby,” he encouraged and your legs spread automatically giving him more room to add a third finger. Your eyes dropped to his wrist, the sight scaring you for a minute as a dribble of blood was nearly the white sleeve of his shirt but with a quick squeeze to your throat, you glanced up as he leaned closer, his breath tickling your face. “I. Don’t. Care.”

“Fuck!” you cursed, riding his hand harder, gripping his wrist tighter, inching closer and closer to your orgasm. The addition of his third finger made your walls stretch to their limit, feeling full of his long, thick fingers and his thumb pressed harder.

You were about to open your mouth and ask if you could cum but Steve could already feel the tightening grip of your cunt, “cum for me, that’s it, good girl”.

Steve’s praises were always the most perfect sounding words from his gruff voice and your orgasm was suddenly pulsing through your entire body. If it wasn’t for his grip around your throat, you were sure you’d fall into his chest but he held you there firmly, not restricting your airways but just having control over your body.

He didn’t waste a second, using his blood-soaked hands to undo his belt and zipper, easing his cock out and then dragging your hips towards the edge of the countertop. Lifting your legs to rest on his hips, Steve’s cock pulsed as he eased it between your slit, breathing your entrance slowly.

“Please, please daddy!” you gasped out, losing all sense of control, needing to feel him now. Steve chuckled at the nickname, knowing your horniness was bringing out your submissiveness. To treat you well, he pushed his cock into your cunt in one quick thrust, causing your body to jolt to the side.

He held that position and in the background, you could just make out the sound of the shower being turned on by Bucky. Not that you were focused on that right now as Steve adjusted his position. With his red-stained hand, he gripped your hip in place whilst the other hand still held onto your throat, his mouth dipping so he could wrap his lips around your left nipple, sucking it fiercely into his mouth, biting on it gently before releasing.

At the same time, he began to ease his cock out of you, nice and slowly so that your walls dragged around him before slapping back in again. Steve teased both of your nipples, licking around the areola before sucking them back into his mouth.

Your entire body was alight with warmth and pleasure, every thrust was powerful and breathtaking and his wicked tongue had you almost seeing stars with how hard it was making your cunt clench.

“You’re doing so good for me baby” Steve complimented as he swapped breasts, the nipples now being slightly puffy from being sucked on. “Seeing you this desperate, I don’t think I’m going to last very long”, he admitted, but you didn’t care, you were already sensing the change in your body as the tautness in your abdomen increased.

Steve did too and released your nipple, only to kiss you fiercely, it was mostly tongue and teeth, trying to dominate your mouth leaving you even more breathless and dizzy. Just as you were able to orgasm, your hand gripped around the bigger hand holding your neck, squeezing it slightly and he understood the message.

His fingers gripped ever so slightly harder, making it a little bit more difficult to breathe, just as you came hard. Your walls clamped down around his cock so strongly that he too came, surprising himself as he shouted your name, hunching over your body and releasing your throat just as the waves began to calm down. You sucked in the air greedily, body almost completely limp from being fucked so hard and being in the same position for so long.

Your eyes felt heavy as Steve kissed along your throat where his fingers had been, softly caressing the area, distracting you from his cock slipping out of your sensitive entrance. Risking a glance down, it was a mess, where his hands had been were red hand prints and his clothes were ruined but at that moment, you couldn’t care at all.

Steve stood back, catching your eye, “I love you”, he whispered, sweetly kissing your lips delicately, almost like he was scared to hurt you even though he’d just been fucking the life out of you.

“I love you too” you responded softly, tiredness evident in your tone.

Steve finally moved away, unbuttoning his ruined shirt which allowed Bucky to take his place, now standing completely naked, his cock proudly hard between his legs. Gently, he lifted both of your legs around his waist, locking your ankles before moving your arms around his neck, his metal arm easing beneath your arse and his flesh arm around your back as he lifted you.

“Feel like another round?” Bucky’s jokingly asked with a soft smile, kissing your cheek and you mewled in response, trying to slip further down his body so that his tip bumped into your cunt. “Hold on, mama”, and with that, he gently eased his veined cock into your warm pussy, before walking into the warm shower that had you melting into his embrace.

The two of you stood there for a couple of minutes, he didn’t thrust, knowing that’s not what you needed right now, just letting you feel full up at the warmth from the water to ease your used muscles, it was perfect.

“Want you”, your voice oozed desperation as you lazily kissed up his neck, clenching slightly around his member as your arousal began to peak, needing to feel the drag of his cock..

“I want you to but I think someone tired you out”. You groaned, frowning at his words but putting no effort into moving, feeling too lazy and fucked out of your mind so decided on a different tactic.

“But I’d feel so much better if you fucked me too”.

Bucky laughed as Steve joined the two of you in the shower, luckily it was purposefully built so that the overhead shower covered all three of you.

“Are you trying to manipulate me into fucking you, sweet mama?” Bucky asked against your shoulder.

Smiling against his skin, you tried to act nonchalant, “no I’d never do that”.

As you finished your sentence, your back eased against the shower wall as Bucky held you there, readjusting his arms slightly to grip your hips, his face now hovering over yours, a cheeky smile gracing his lips. “Yeah, I’m sure you would never do that”, he sarcastically responded as he began to roll his hips, thrusting his cock very slowly in and out of you.

Once again, these men knew you so well, thankful for the slow speed as your cunt constricted harshly around him with how sensitive it was. It felt so good as he took his time, holding you close, every part of your body touching his as Steve washed behind him, smiling at the sound of your desperate noises.

“Is this what you wanted?” Bucky asked, his mouth hovering over yours.

“Yes sir, you feel so good”.

Bucky kept up those long slow paces for a while, Steve even began to grow hard again and found himself wanking off watching the two of you. Every thrust of Bucky’s cock had a pathetic mewl or moan escaping you, it was perfect as you held desperately to his shoulders, lazily kissing him until the sensation changed.

“I need to cum sir” you quickly breathed out but Bucky had other plans.

“Not just yet mama, you’ve got to hold it for me”. Your eyes filled with panic, looking at his as your brow furrowed, mouth gaping open.

“I- I can’t”.

“Yes you can, you’re a good girl and only good girls cum when they’re supposed to, just a little bit longer”. You could have cried as you gripped harder to his muscles, probably painfully so but he never said anything, just continued with the same slow fucking. You tried to relax your muscles and distract yourself from him but his cock was hitting all the right spots and it didn’t help matters when Steve suddenly grunted from behind Bucky as he came,  his cum spurting out and into the water.

“Please!” you had to plead now, closing your eyes as the feeling of orgasm was so overwhelming.

Bucky grunted loudly and you could feel his cock pumping inside of you as he finally agreed, “yes, cum for me!” and at the same time snapped his hips hard into you. Your whole body went rigid, cunt uncontrollably pulsing around him in waves of utter perfection.

It took a couple of seconds to calm down, Bucky’s half-limp dick sliding out and a gush of Steve and Bucky’s cum followed, now tainted pink by your period but you definitely didn’t care anymore.

Thankfully, Bucky wasn’t just ready to put you down but you would have most likely just sat on the floor, not trusting that your legs were strong enough to hold your weight. So both Ssteve and Bucky helped to wash your body with soap, being careful of the sensitive area between your legs before turning off the water and stepping out.

Whilst Bucky and you were first in the shower, Steve had cleaned up the mess on the countertop and had prepared a fresh pad, underwear and pyjamas for you to get into afterwards. As the three of you climbed into bed, you could honestly say you’d never felt this cosy before on your period.

Laying your head against Bucky’s chest, Steve sat beside you and scrolled through his phone, reading to order some takeout. The second-in-command kissed along your hairline, his fingers locking with yours as he asked, “how's the pain now?”

“It still aches but it’s a lot better than it was, thank you”.

Steve leaned over and kissed the back of your shoulder, “good, I think we should make this a monthly occasion”.

Your used cunt clenched at that thought and you had to bite your lip from moaning, taking a deep breath before turning to look at him, “me too”.

[romanticintheory]

thinking about simon riley being betrayed by reader.

simon "ghost" riley x reader

-when you first joined the task force, you were a breath of fresh air.

-you were extremely good at what you did and had great chemistry with everyone. even simon.

-kyle loved having you as his new training buddy. the two of you found that your music tastes surprisingly overlapped, so you'd often share playlists with each other.

-johnny was, as always, excited to have someone new to banter with. if he had to take a shot for every time you made him laugh, he'd probably be dead from alcohol poisoning.

-john was relieved seeing you integrate so well into his team. it was like introducing a new puppy to three of his own. when laswell sat him down and introduced your file, a little barren compared to the others (save for simon) but with a raving review from the woman herself, he was curious to see your character.

-and even if he didn't show it, simon was the most grateful for your arrival. there was just an unspoken level of understanding between the two of you.

-one day, you're kneeling next to him on the floor trying to put pressure on his wound and keep him alive long enough for help to arrive. you didn't know each other extremely well, but you seemed so upset. he couldn't imagine why.

-"hey, now, don't go quiet on me, lt," you said in an almost begging tone.

-"you must not know me well," he replied, fighting groans from the pain.

-you ignore his attempt at amusing you. "tell me something," you order, voice starting to crack.

-so, he did. maybe it was the fact that he was lightheaded from the blood loss and half delusional, or maybe it was that he wanted to feel closer to you, but he ended up telling you about his family. he talked about the monster of a man his father was, how he learned to throw him out and take care of his family, and how not even that had a happy ending.

-by the end of it, there was a voice on the other end of your radio telling you they were less than a minute away from help. you slipped your hand into his and told him, "if you can survive that, you can survive this."

-it wasn't until after he recovered that he found out you had your own stab wound to take care of. why you completely disregarded it in favor of his, he'll never know.

-ever since, there was a change in the air between you two. fleeting glances, lingering touches, warm faces. it got even worse when you confessed your feelings to each other, and johnny made sure to be as obnoxious about it as possible.

-for a long time before you, simon felt a kind of loneliness within him. sure, the rest of the team was good company and he'd trust them with his life, but you seemed to do more than just break down his walls. somehow, you seeped through the cracks in his heart and made a home of it. that's why he is so surprised when everyone is taken prisoner except you after an unexpected ambush.

-the surprise eventually turns into something worse.

-there's a blinding rage surging in his veins and an icy coldness in his heart when he catches a glimpse of you acting buddy-buddy with the enemy.

-you're called a name he had never heard before, "(y/n) (l/n)," and being congratulated on your return.

-"knew you'd never disappoint us! and four of 'em, too!"

-how could you to this to them? to him?

-he spends the next excruciatingly long hours as a prisoner with no sleep. the only thing on his mind is wondering what went wrong. what did he miss? what could he have done differently? for a second, he wants to think about how he'd get vengeance on you, but he couldn't. his mind wouldn't let him, and he cursed himself for it. were you that good at manipulation? at seducing him with your supposed love and humanity that, even now, he can't think of you with ill intent without that sour feeling in his chest haunting him?

-he thinks he's hallucinating when he sees you standing at the now unlocked door to his cell with the rest of the task force standing behind you. you speak in a quick, hushed whisper, as if there was barely any time to even say a single word.

-"you'll have to be quick if you want to get out of here."

[fruitmins]

Agust Dad—One

➭ summary: Your a producer from another company that he happened to be collaborating with on his 2nd album D-2. At the release party— one drunk action leads to another, you do the worst thing you can do in the industry and change your fate forever.

➭genre: short series, pregnancy au, idol au, angst, dad au

➭warnings: mentions of vomit and throwing up, pregnancy, maybe some ptsd, you kinda have anxiety

<next part>

note: life has been hectic so at first this might seem all over the place. bare with me, it gets better

Taglist: @welcometomyworld13 @tatyhend @jiminiesunicorn @littlestarstinyseven @baechugff @thelilbutifulthings @tearykth @familiarlikemymirror3 @coree730 @prajusstuff @wobblewobble822 @choisoorin @manuosorioh

Something in you had always known you would cross paths with him again. As much as you hated the thought, you just had to accept some of the facts. You two worked in the same field, you were bound to run into each other now and then.

You’d imagine different scenarios and even wrote things down of what to say when you eventually bumped into him months later. You had time to think about what to do or how to act.

Or so you thought.

One thing you didn’t expect was that the confrontation would take place so soon. As soon as only a three weeks later, when you were informed that HYBE LABELS had bought the company you were under. All the artists and staff were to merge together and become one, including you.

You thought it was a joke at first, but quickly realized the gravity of the situation—you were now working under HYBE LABELS, which meant working under him. You knew there was no way out, which only made your anxiety increase.

There was a sick, sinking feeling in your gut when you heard that news. You knew that the likelihood of bumping into him would increase dramatically, and your worst fears were confirmed. Despite your years of experience and success, you were forced to merge together under the HYBE banner. Your own music and creative process was now under their control. Not only that— but you would be forced to work in the company with him.

There were sure to be upsides to this change but your mind was clouded. The thought of having to be in the same room as him again was terrifying and all you could think of.

It was nearly impossible to completely avoid him, especially when he seemed to be everywhere you looked. You couldn’t even go to the cafeteria without running into photos of him on the wall, along with other HYBE artists.

You started noticing things around the building, signs of him. You tried to brush it off, telling yourself it was all in your head. Of course, when you realized just how often you were thinking about him, you knew it wasn’t.

You’d been working for HYBE LABELS for a week now, and it seems like your hopes of avoiding him were quickly diminishing. Despite this, you were doing as well as you could given the circumstances. The staff was welcoming, and you were beginning to feel at home. You even had a few friends at the office, and managed to enjoy work when the thought of him wasn’t consuming you. Though it seems that he was always on the back of your mind.

As your luck would have it, only a week into the new building and you were already creating a mess. Literally. You had been feeling queasy for the past couple days and that already shook you. You figured it was your nerves making your stomach nauseous, but since you hadn’t physically threw up since you were little and had a giant fear of throwing up, you thought it would simply go away.

Yet here you were, life getting worse as you hurled over the trashcan in your office. Your hair was a mess and tears were in your eyes as the sinking feeling came back once again. Your throat burned and even though you barley ate anything the whole day, you just couldn’t stop throwing up to save your life. It was almost as if it was a reflex. You felt light headed, tears streaming down your face and your throat on fire.

“Miss? Are you okay?”

A familiar voice spoke just a couple feet from you. You gagged as you heard the familiar voice, thinking that this was just a nightmare and you needed to wake up. But as you glanced over at the entrance of your office you saw exactly who you expected.

Kim Seokjin.

Yoongi’s bandmate and older brother.

“You look terrible! Let’s get you to the hospital.” He said quickly when the two of you made eye contact. You quickly shake your head, not wanting to bother him and definitely not wanting there to be a bigger possibility that you’d bump into Yoongi.

You were shocked at his quick response to help you. You assumed it was just a small sickness you had been experiencing since returning to work under HYBE LABELS, but he insisted you go straight to the hospital. His tone had changed; there was a sense of urgency in the way he spoke.

“I-I’m fine.” You spoke, your voice shivered and weak which only made him walk a faster inside your office and towards you.

“Please,” he rolled his eyes at your words. “You look terrified. Let me help you.” He said, already helping you up to your feet and carrying the horrible smelling trashcan with him.

As much as you wanted to decline the help, he was persistent. He didn’t want to leave as you continued to feel sick, worried that you may throw up again. It was a mortifying situation all around.

So he guided you out of the building and to his car. “Isn’t this dangerous? We could be seen like this. Aren’t you already in a relationship?” You speak, looking up at him with worried eyes but he just laughs and flashing a smile at you.

“Wow~ Someone keeps up with the media.” He says teasingly and your face flashes red with embarrassment as your eyes widen. You had been a fan of BTS for a while, and kept up with them from time to time when you weren’t busy. You knew all of their songs by heart and even have some BT21 merchandise which made what happened with Yoongi even more embarrassing.

“I’m kidding,” Jin waves you off as he steps in his car and puts on a mask and hat. “We should be fine.” He says and it was only after a few minutes that you finally managed to calm down. Your cheeks still red from embarrassment as you looked up at Jin.

You managed to get through the whole car ride to the hospital without throwing up in his car, which you were thankful for. You two made small conversation, as he drove his kindness and concern melted you inside.

You ended up telling him about how you were from the other company and recently joined, and you also told him that you briefly worked with Yoongi on a song of his. He ended up playing it right then in the car and praised you the whole time. It was comforting but also made the incident even more embarrassing since Jin was so close to Yoongi.

Finally you arrived at the hospital and Jin tired his best to calm your nerves as you did the paperwork and waited for a doctor to come look at you.

Your eyes widen when someone called your name and both you and Jin stood up.

“Please, you’ve helped me enough and you’re probably super busy.” You try to deny his help once again, Jin’s relationship with Yoongi still crossing your mind but caring about his job as well.

"Ah, it's no problem~ I was only working on the last drafts of my single, I can always get to that later." Jin says before looking around the waiting-room. "Besides, I gave you a ride here. I’m not going to abandon you.” He says sweetly, looking straight into your eyes.

You didn’t know what to say, so you just nodded. You had to admit that his kindness has warmed your heart after weeks of feeling terrible and alone. Jin was different. He stayed there until you were all cleaned up and took some blood and urine test in the bathroom. It was so embarrassing, but he was so genuine in his kindness.

After several minutes of waiting, the doctor finally comes back into the room, a clipboard in hand.

"Good news Ms Y/N. I've gotten the test back and I've found out why you’re feeling ill." She starts as you grip to every word and Jin listens quietly too. "There seems to be high levels of human chorionic gonadotropin or hGC in your blood and urine."

She pauses giving you a moment to digest her words and when you show no reaction she explains further. "HGC is made only when a woman is pregnant. The most being when that woman is in the first trimester. Congratulations, you’re about four weeks pregnant."

Your heart sank. Being pregnant was not on your plans at all, and now you had to deal with that while working in close proximity with your ex and his bandmate.

You had no idea how to respond. You were speechless. Part of you was in too much shock to process what happened, your face going pale the more you thought about it.

You knew good and well who the father was.

Yoongi was a famous idol, you two were now in the same company which was forbidden and made everything worse. If news got out that you were possibly caring his child you’d lose your job and most likely get attacked on social media.

Before you knew it, you would be a jobless single mother. What were you supposed to do?

“Wow, congratulations.” Jin’s voice pulls you back from your thoughts. You hadn’t even noticed that the doctor had left the room until you look up from the floor.

You make eye contact with Jin and realize his gaze never left you. He had to know something was wrong by your reaction, and the slightly narrower eyebrows of concern made that clear.

The fact that Jin had no idea who the father was made this a million times worse. Here he was putting his Could you really tell him it was his bandmate?

Guilt swam in your stomach, making it do flips and turns as you looked at him, not knowing what to say. Just praying that you wouldn’t have to see Jin ever again.

But as it seemed, bumping into someone you were actively trying to avoid seemed to be a hidden skill of yours.

“Y/N?”

Your feet stop dead in your tracks when you hear your name, your back turned to the voice that you immediately recognized.

Your heart thumps in your ears, deafening you slightly as it beats so hard in your chest that you think it might burst out. Your breathing immediately gets heavy as you start to panic.

You think back to all the nights alone. All the mornings you spent crying while listening to his voice. All the pain and regret you felt whenever you even thought about him.

The thought alone makes you nauseous, and you almost stumble when suddenly he is right behind you and manages to catch you before you can tilt to the side.

His quickly and smoothly wraps his hand around your waist to catch you, supporting your body weight as he pressed himself up against you. He felt so strong as he held you upright, supporting your weight and keeping you on your feet. Your knees buckle from under you as you realized how close he was. Your bodies pressed together, his breath against your ear.

Everything reminds you of that night, except this time there’s a huge difference now.

You quickly try to push him away from you but you’re undoubtedly more weaker than he is. He grips your arms and turns you to face him, his eyes boring into your while your stomach begins to flip. You can smell him and finally get to see all the features you once worshipped. It’s unreal how the more he aged the better he began to look, even if his features stayed the same.

Yoongi.

His black hair wasn’t nearly as long as it was now and he looked a little more fit but tired at the same time. All the memories of that night come flooding back to you like a terrible nightmare.

“Oh, Y/N! Hey!” Jin’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts just like he did two week ago when you first found out. This time when you pull away from Yoongi, he lets you and takes a step back as Jin catches up to the two of you.

“Hey..” You say nervously, giving him an awkward smile that doesn’t even compare to the bright smile Jin is giving you.

Yoongi raise an eyebrow at the two of you, but before he can even ask how you know each other, Jin speaks again.

“Oh Y/N, how’s the morning sickness treating you?”

You can hear glass shattering in the back of your mind as You and Yoongi make eye contact.

[lina-studen]

It seems that annabel lee is beginning to understand that everything is completely different now. nevermore academy is a new context in which she and lenore have chosen their separate ways.

when they were alive, annabel lee, without exaggeration, was the only light in lenore’s life. before meeting her, lenore was constantly numbed down by ether, she lived in complete isolation and couldn't even walk. annabel lee made her laugh and play music again, brought back her will for life, ability to leave the room on her own.

the old lenore was ready to do anything to see annabel again. she robbed her parents, committed arson, took a new identity for herself. and all that despite the fact that she didn’t even know how annabel would react, where it would lead them.

despite the fact that annabel lee left her in such a cruel way. sure, her words weren't true, and lenore didn't believe her, but she had no actual guarantees.

but now it's different. at the nevermore academy, lenore is not deprived of her own agency. she has allies, friends, whom she trusts. she's not willing to step over them and believes that it's possible to find a way to be saved together. she's not ready to leave them for annabel lee. lenore still cherishes her, but starts to trust her less, having encountered annabel's more “dark” side. it's not helped by the fact that lenore's memory is still pretty much fractured.

but what about аnnabel? she was just as lonely before, her life was planned out without any regard for her wishes by her father. a father who was ashamed of her mental issues and brushed her anxiety aside. lenore, on the contrary, was a person who didn't need anything from her, who had no benefit from being with her, a real friend. she was the only person who made annabel's mask crack, because lenore cared about how she really felt.

and now what? she is even more lonely. annabel lee is surrounded by people she doesn't trust, she has to pretend all the time, even around lenore. because she has forsed herself into this game where she distances herself from the only person she cares about. to the point when she starts to feel like she's not so special for lenore anymore, like lenore doesn't need her that much.

for a long time, annabel didn't fully realize that lenore wasn't sharing her approach, approving of such game rules. maybe she realizes now. but I don't think that will make annabel change her ways. she's already gone too far. and the crack between these two is likely to only get wider.

[its-in-the-woods]

Hi! I am Chris, 30s, they/them, pansexual, I am from the great white north eh! Minors are very much not welcome. Please exit or block.

I primarily write fanfic, I am down with any ship but I won't write every ship. Listen to variety of music and watch a variety of TV show/movies.

Find me here for AO3

Find me on twit-ter

*Last update Sept 18/2024

Lifes Too Short (complete)

Pairing: Cooper Howard/ The Ghoul x Lucy Maclean (Fallout tv show)

Rated: Mature - Canon typical violence and smut

Synopsis: Weeks of wandering the desert brings Lucy and the Ghoul closer. Takes place after the last episode for fallout tv show

Chapters one, two, three, four, five, six

Down The Rabbit Hole (wip)

Pairing: Walton Goggins x you (AU) (both are single)

Rating Mature: Romance, fluff, older man/younger women, eventual smut (read all tags in chapters)

Synopsis: Working as a Make-up Artist in film is hard enough. But when the lead actor, Walton Goggins, ask you to be his artist. It's easy to slip down the rabbit hole.,

Chapters one , two , three , four, five, six, seven ,eight , nine, Ten, Eleven, twelve , thirteen , fourteen , fifteen , sixteen, seventeen , eighteen here, nineteen here , twenty here , twenty-one here, twenty- two here <-new

The Woman Who Couldn't Die

Synopsis: Set a few years before Dom Pedro gets a hold of the Ghoul. The Ghoul is traveling back from the east coast, doing side quests for chems, after saving a girl from closet. She becomes an unlikely companion, that softens the Ghoul’s hardshell.

One , Two , Three, Four , Five, Six , Seven, Eight , Nine , Ten, Eleven , Twelve , Thirteen <-new

An old farm set on a couple hundred acres of land, surrounded by forest and wildlands. Lucy Maclean is now the new owner of her childhood home, much to her family’s dismay and anger. The land doesn’t feel the same without her Granddaddy around, the woods seem darker and much vaster. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s alone in the middle of nowhere for the first time in her life. Her great uncle Harris has stepped up to help her learn the ropes of the business, which is bigger than Lucy ever imagined. Her neighbor Cooper Howard, is happy to meet a new face in the area. Bonding over their shared grief and strife to make ends meet as the world is changing. Their worlds are shaken when Lucy’s home is vandalized, and secrets that were supposed to be buried forever begin to emerge from the woods. Horror, mystery, and drama all rolled into one. There is something in the woods.

One, Two, Three , Four Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine , Ten , Eleven , Twelve <- new

Knife's edge ~ co-written by @dichromaniac

Pairing: Boyd Crowder/Raylan Givens, Ava Crowder/Boyd Crowder

Warnings?: Dinking/alcohol, knife kink, Blood/injury, hand job, blow job, alternative universe, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, Canon Divergence, Closeted,

Summary: Boyd punctuates his statement with the gun, bruising Raylan's torso with the thrusts of the weapon. “You're the same angry young man who left, only difference is you ain't so young anymore.”

Part 1 *~* Part 2

One-shot-wonders

Smokey Music walton x you

***

Short Stories

Smoke and shadows -> horror

Random poetry, very personal often deals w mental health

Empty houses

Crave

[hotheadedhero]

Escreva em português: Can you create a headcanon for ROTTMNT’s Raph who is secretly in love with a female reader? She is an antisocial, hot-headed, and fearless woman who excels in combat and prefers to solve her problems with her fists. She embodies the typical ‘tough girl’ stereotype, and she has no idea that Raph has feelings for her

An: Olá amigo! (I hope that's right) Thank you for the request! If I understand correctly, you want this written in Portuguese? Because, if so, I'm afraid I don't know any other than the odd word here and there 😅 Nonetheless, I really love this idea and I hope you enjoy <3

Sucker Punch my Heart

Raphael x Reader

Considering how much of a softy Raphael is deep down, he was slightly scared of you at first. Your first interaction with him and his brothers was met with being barked at for getting in your way whilst fighting off some random threat.

However, with how brazen you are in the face of danger, it was only a matter of time until he fell for you. He has done and always will be an admirer of those who love to engage in a good fight, fearless to any challenge.

You've given him a run for his money with how quickly you resort to laying in a smackdown. Even if a situation doesn't call for it, you'll find any excuse to raise your fists. Surely, this must be a prime circumstance for the two of you to become good friends at the very least.

Yet, you're more stone-cold around him than anyone else in his family. He can't figure out why. All he's ever done is try to be welcoming towards you. Luckily, April and Mikey share their insight, deducing that it's because he's the strongest and that was likely your M.O. before meeting the turtles.

He's a nervous bean when presented with intimidating situations but stammers like a broken engine whenever you're around. Given the added cold shoulder, this is why he usually admires you from afar. He has less chance of making a fool of himself or giving you more reasons to dislike him.

Plus, it stands to reason that you're someone to be admired. Everything about you has him enamoured: the way you hold yourself, your form in a fight, how your eyes narrow and your lips curve into a smirk when you've defeated an enemy. This guy is down bad for you.

You've never liked being the "damsel in distress" and that hasn't changed since befriending the turtles. That doesn't mean Raph hasn't tried his hand at saving you a few times amidst the battlefield, though.

The first few times was because he was trying to impress you and that much was obvious, which is why it frustrated you so much. You don't need someone to swoop in and be your hero, let alone in a futile attempt to 'wow' you.

Matters were different the fifth time. Enemy numbers were overwhelming and it was just the two of you. It was less of a save and more of a side-by-side, fighting together, and you discovered that you actually make a pretty good team.

Showing gratitude for being helped isn't something you know how to do but when you presented your fist to him for a bump, he knew you were trying. Although, part of you wanted to punch him in the arm and tell him you could've handled it.

From that point on, you started showcasing a slightly friendlier side. By no means are you completely sociable around him yet but it seems like it's been getting easier as the weeks go by.

On the rare occasions that you do let your walls down, you both share your love for the world of wrestling. He doesn't reckon he's ever met another avid fan of Ghost Bear before and it just adds to the stockpile of reasons why he loves you.

Don't even get him started on the first time you laughed around him. It was at his expense for trying to imitate a wrestling move but the sound was like music to his ears. Not even a jab to the gut has winded him so badly in his life.

Raph isn't sure if he'll ever gain the courage to confess his feelings but, for now, he's just glad to have a friend out of you. As loudly as his pining heart screams at him to say something, he doesn't want to ruin the good relationship that he's worked so hard to get.

Your metaphorical shell is arguably harder and less penetrable than the large snapper's, but maybe - just maybe - you're beginning to form a soft spot for him. Maybe.

[thehuntfortrencherlostmedia]

The Origins, Ramsay Fiction & The Confusing Mishmash of Everything Before Fix Me - A Marianas Trench Retrospective

Okay, so my post got likes, but I only got one actual response from anyone, agreeing with me on the fact they like things in chronological order. So, I guess it's time to talk about the bands early days, eh?

The truth of the matter is, the band as many know them started in late 2003 and early 2004. Anything before that gets placed in this weird murky middle section with a name change, members leaving, and also a complete and utter mess of when Ramsay Fiction came to an end and where Marianas Trench begins. We have located a demo disk from 2001 with the Marianas name on it, but we also don't have any dates as to when certain things were recorded or uploaded onto MP3.com.

Here's what we do know: Josh Ramsay, a teenager dealing with both an addiction to heroin and an eating disorder, loved music from a young age. His father owned a recording studio, and his mother was a vocal coach. Music was literally in his blood, but even though the two had connections into the industry and everything, he set out to make it into the business on his own. And he knew one thing for certain: He DID NOT want to be a solo act, he wanted to be in a band.

The issue for Josh was getting that band together. At first, it was him and his sister Sara (backup vocals), her then boyfriend and later husband Trevor Spilchen (on bass, even though he was a guitar player), Josh's friend Steve Marshall (on guitar and backup vocals, despite being a BASSIST), and a rotating list of drummers, eventually finding Ian Casselman in a series of classifieds in a newspaper late into the bands life. This lineup didn't last long, as once Sara became pregnant with her and Trevor's first kid, they stepped aside... leading to 2 new members joining: Josh's friend Matt Webb (originally a keyboardist), and Steve's pal Morgan Hempstead (the man who bestowed them the Marianas Trench name). It's tough to say who plays what on a lot of the Ramsay Fiction tracks that make up Cooler Than Me, as I think they come from two different recording sessions, if not more. Same goes for a lot of the self-titled EP work too, as we know at least two tracks from that era, an early recording of Fix Me, and a early recording of Skin & Bones, were both first made public to people in 2004... months after Steve and Morgan left, and Mike Ayley joined the group after getting to know everyone as Ian's roommate.

In fact, for the longest time, a lot of the Ramsay Fiction stuff was lost media, songs that nobody outside of a rare few had ever heard. As of April 1st this year, this is no longer the case, and all the songs have been found and preserved (yes, even PMS... despite it being taken off Youtube, has been saved.)

To talk about these songs is hard. There's definitely a lot of emotion and pain in these tracks, and the overall sound is very 90's, going for more of heavy grunge and alternate rock sound, very reminiscent of Matthew Goode. But you can also hear those other elements creep in from other acts Josh has referenced time and time throughout in small snippets. The biggest thing holding a lot of these songs back is a mix of production (which is still insanely impressive for the time period and the fact it was done by a teen no less), and lyrical ckunkiness, making them semi hard to decipher.

What do I mean by this? Take track 1, the one everyone knows: Primetime. The song's verses speak about how something is this, but the person is the opposite... bu we don't get a clear picture of who the person is.. only that supposedly a hit of heroin will make everything feel better. It's odd that this is the song that's somehow lasted the test of time out of all these tracks. But hey, it did lead to a great callback on End of An Era.

Track 2, Shiny Like Dirt (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-OoIsFbow), is truly a song where Josh took a ton of ideas he had for songs, and threw it against the wall to see if it would stick. And... it does stick, but also doesn't? The chorus is super catchy, basically admitting he's a confusing person, and that nothing he does makes sense... and yet, despite it all, he still has fears of the unknown. The "coming up for air" bridge is probably my favourite part, but it's definitely an earworm I return to occasionally. I've also linked it in case you've yet to hear it.

Track 3: Shallow. The song we've known about for the longest time, the one the fandom cherished like a baby... and honestly, it's probably my least favourite? I've tried to decipher the lyrics on this one for ages, but I can't come up with anything concrete. I do think the song has a good tone, and the guitar solo is totally awesome. In fact, there's a lot of great guitar and bass work throughout a lot of these songs. But there's something missing for me on this one.

Track 4: Playing Dead. This seems to be the earliest recorded song of this bunch, going off Josh's voice here. And honestly, I think it's the closest tonally to a current day Marianas Trench song. There's a bit of a swing sound going on in the drums, the harmonies.... and it's an interesting number overall. Also, it's our clearest sampling of Steve's voice, and just how close it is to Matt's vocals xD... it seems to be a simple love song about a girl and how he's open to roleplaying almost anything with her, using "playing dead" as his main metaphor. It's the black sheep of the CD, but a good one.

Track 5: Hideous. Here we go... the first track Josh ever wrote about his bulimia and depression... and how it was eating him from the inside... and how he was asking for help, even though he wasn't fully ready to accept it at the time. The beginning parts are very slow, and methodical.... only for the song to pick up energy in it's second half and become truly one of the standouts on this album.

Track 6: PMS. Okay... so... this one is tough to talk about. We knew for years it was supposedly very comedic in nature and that it was also politically incorrect, but that was it. For those of you who still have not heard it, there's a copy of it in this Discord server in the links and archive section: https://discord.gg/d5M3xVN9

As for the song itself, I personally really love it. It's a song about Josh being petty to a girl and truthfully telling her off. It's definitely of its time period, but in the best way possible. And once again, the guitar work here is SO GOOD. If you can stomach a song that truly is a time capsule and understand that Josh would never write anything as juvenile today, give it a listen.

Track 7: Don't Touch Me. The song that holds a special place in my heart... as I was the one to LOCATE IT after 18 years in the massive pile of MP3.com links that were given to the Internet Archive in 2021. And it's a ballad all about Josh dealing with both the arguments and turmoil he would feel when coming down from getting high. Truthfully, this might be the most emotional song of this batch, and one that definitely sticks its landing.

So, my overall thoughts here are to give these songs a listen, and understand them for what they are: the start of a musical prodigy finding his footing and his sense of style while getting clean and hoping somebody, anybody, would give him a chance. While the tone might not have influenced Josh’s style fully going forward, there are elements from these songs that were taken and repurposed into later Trench tracks.

Luckily, and also sadly... Jonathan Simkin & Chad Kroeger gave him that chance. And thus, we got ourselves a self titled EP... and a full title debut. But that'll be next time.

[a-crumb-of-whump]

Whump Prompts: Recovery

Content: Recovery, murder, abuse, captivity, [implied] past minor whump, restraints, [mentioned] vivisections, branding, conditioning, muzzles, past non con.

Whumpee recovering from the trauma stemming from, not only all the abuse they went through, but the fact that they had to murder their abuser to get away from them.

Whumpee finally getting to experience the outside world for the first time in what feels like forever. Gawking at nature and how pretty everything is, excitedly pointing everything out to Caretaker as they go.

Crying when they see children playing in the park for the first time since their captivity because they had their entire childhood taken from them.

Learning about all the new inventions that came out while they were gone. Caretaker introducing them to mobile phones, that board game they'd been looking forward to playing before, the new gaming consoles, all the music Caretaker saved just because it made them think of Whumpee! It delights Caretaker to know that they get to show it all to Whumpee, after all.

The personality changes that have happened, whether that be due to conditioning/trauma/etc. A stoic whumpee now getting emotional at everything (not just because they're scared or sad - there's also a lot of happy/joyous tears shedded), an aggressive/angry whumpee who is just so loving and filled with adoration for everything, and vice versa.

Learning to break old habits. Realising it's okay to have and express opinions instead of bottling them up, it's okay to walk on their own two feet, it's okay to not want to spend every waking hour restrained because they're "dangerous".

Hating the freedom. Wanting structure and consistency in their life again, wanting no autonomy because it's so scary after years of living without it.

Having to learn to accept their more prominent scars. The outline of where their muzzle always sat around their face, the visible scars from all Whumper's poorly executed surgeries/vivisections (also the low-quality stitching up they did!), the mark from where they were branded.

Whumpees who immediately try (and fail) to go back to who they were before. They don't want to admit that it's not possible - they're in complete denial and end up hurting all their friends and family in the process.

That said, also having to grieve because they've lost the person they were. Does Caretaker secretly grieve with them? Do they miss the person Whumpee was?

The amount of hospital visits and treatments Whumpee needs to get following their return. Bones healing incorrectly, diseases they may have caught, badly infected wounds.

The letters they write to their abuser. Whether they actually send them or not is an entirely different story, but what do they say? Do they beg for forgiveness? Do they hurl insults at them? How coherent are their words?

Caretaker not getting to see them for the first few days/weeks because they spend so much of it holed up in their room, trying to forget about what happened. Maybe they're just so happy to finally be alone without having to worry about Whumper turning up and wanting something from them.

Sexually abused whumpees who experience hypersexuality.

Whumpees who become chronically overstimulated by the time they escape because of all the constant noise/bright lights that Whumper had around them.

[tartarusknight]

I need a fem Steddie fic where Stevie is a singer. I know, I know, but it has to be Stevie. She is put in the industry by her parents who see her voice to be the only good thing she has going for her. It's either have her try to get famous or marry her off.

So, they get a friend to sign her on. They make the stereotypical pop music for a girl. Stevie sings whatever songs they hand her and she starts to gain a good following. But it's more men who leer at her.

A few years go by and she's tired of the act. So much so that she takes the invite one of the stagehands give her out of pity to a party. It's not the normal kind of party she goes to while on tour, instead it's more of a friend hang out. But Dustin was a sweet kid and Stevie needed to get away from her managers and parents for a night.

When she gets there, she immediately is drawn to the tall girl who greets Dustin by shaking him around. Stevie soon is introduced to Eddie, who looks her up and down like she just can't help it. But Stevie knew she shouldn't. She had an image to maintain and parents to please.

But after a little while and a few drinks, she's being pressed into the door being kissed within an inch of her life. She feels for the first time a connection and it's a night that's seared into her mind. A usurpingly sweet and tender moment of passion. But she wakes up to an empty bed without a note or number. So, she needs to move on. But she just can't.

Her life feels changed for the better and she begins to understand herself more from the spark she felt. But when she's handed her mic and expected to go on stage and sing about boys, she feels dread. The night is rough, but she makes it a point to give her fans a show. But the rest of the tour drags on worse than ever.

The moment it's done she gets a lawyer and ends the contract a few month earlier than it was supposed to expire. It's emotionally draining but she can't spend another moment on stage being someone she isn't.

She searches for another label to sign under, instead she finds a recently graduated music producer. Robin Buckley is awkward and has a degree in music and knows a few different instruments.

It's a chance meeting really. One that would never have happened if there hadn't been a fire in a mall. Stevie hadn't been prepared for it when she went in, but she still readily threw herself in protecting the girl when a piece of ceiling collapsed.

They ended up stuck in a room together, trying not to pass out from the smoke slowly filling the room. And told all their secrets like a final confession. Stevie told Robin about how there was a girl that stole her heart and she never let herself be... well her.

Robin admits to feeling like she was going to fail for picking a job she enjoyed instead of something to get money fast. Her parents showed her disappointment and she's worried about not making it.

So, there in the small bathroom, Stevie promised to take a chance and work with her. That when they got out, maybe they'd work together to produce music themselves. It's a moment of tears and promises, ones they both never think would come true, but then they're saved.

It's slow going, but soon the two of them are making music under a mix of their names. Sin. Of course, many people recognize the voice and face of Stevie, but it's a new start. And they are making a statement.

Stevie leans into her new identity at as a lesbian, something she hadn't told the public before. She writes music about a girl that took her breath away and how men never seemed to work for her. Robin of course, was there to push her and help her make each song better than before.

They make a full album and release it through their own little company, and they have a social media platform where they mess around to promote their songs. Stevie's image changes and she isn't hiding in the closet anymore with Robin being completely herself as well.

Their first song that blows up is from a small tik tok of Stevie in extravagant makeup and a magician's outfit, a sexy one of course. Singing, "She was a playboy, Brigitte Bardot. She showed me things, I didn't know. She did it right there, out on the deck. Put her canine teeth in the side of my neck."

But soon people were all over the album and the difference in Stevie Harrington's music and Sin's. Stevie went all out, and Robin was right there next to her, playing most of the instruments in the songs. They have to reach out though for other artists to join them on tour.

That's when a familiar stagehand reaches out with the number of the best guitarist he knows. She doesn't have any social media, and her last phone fell through a drain grate but "she's the absolute best! I promise you'd want to give her an audition!" Dustin had been so excited, and Stevie only had fond memories of the kid, so she agrees.

As Stevie and Robin take auditions, low and behold, Dustin walks into the room with Eddie right next to him. Stevie feels the air get sucked out of her lungs and she can't tear her eyes away.

The moment is broken but the stumble in Eddie's step and how her face goes bright red. Suddenly Dustin's dragging Eddie inside and Stevie doesn't care for a moment if Eddie's the worst guitarist in the world, she wants to hire her right then and there.

Robin can see her brain melting out of her ears and makes the decision to take Eddie to audition and give Stevie and Dustin a chance to catch up.

But soon enough Stevie's on stage kneeling next to a kneeling Eddie's on stage. Singing, It's hard when you're going through hell and you're hating yourself, I'm feeling myself. It's hard when you know that you're caught and you're getting pissed off, it's getting me off. It's hard, it's hard. Oh, God, oh, God, Oh, God." And grinning when Eddie's pupils blown wide as Stevie fakes an orgasm on stage, mid-song.

Yeah, I want this as a fic so much.

[dichromaticdyke]

i can't lie, abigail is dear to me, but doesn't she count as a love interest? she's the point of interest of a love triangle with two of the band members. she has the lead singer give her head. said lead singer proposes to her in aotd!

as much as i'm a big proponent of making every character queer (and being romanced is not the sole purpose of abigail's character) , respectfully, it just seems that canon-wise how is she not?

that’s a good point, one that i think boils down to how you define a love interest. because yes, she is the object of affection to two different characters, but the ways in which they’re attracted to her does subvert the general idea of a love interest if we look at it purely within the context of romantic interest.

pickles says straight up that he doesn’t want to date her, he just wants to have sex with her. and yes, he grows jealous of nathan when she has sex with him instead and when nathan wrongfully says she’s his girlfriend, but i don’t think they really had anything to do with her and more to do with their rift in season 4 altogether. like pickles says in his speech, nathan had not been considering pickles’s feelings in any of his actions. she was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. but even after nathan apologized and said he was basically willing to give her up if it meant he could have him back, pickles lost interest in abigail completely. he doesn’t even show any concern for her in DSR (despite him saying they have to find her as well after the attack). she wasn’t a love interest to pickles, she was an object of sexual desire during a time of celibacy and just a representation of nathan’s selfishness.

nathan is more complicated though…

i’m gonna look at their major interactions throughout the series so we’re on the same page.

“writersklok” - abigail is hired, nathan doesn’t like that she’s here (either because she’s not dick or because she’s trying to change things or both) and he tries to get rid of her

“going downklok” - nathan is trapped in the sub for months with no groupies and not allowed to jack off. he briefly thinks about how having sex with abigail would be fun but doesn’t think he’s allowed to. pickles tells him that may not be the case, and he gets further interest in her. he still doesn’t pursue her for weeks, even despite having a small rivalry with pickles about it. he goes down on her, she runs off, he’s upset because he had to be a service top for once.

“dethdinner” - abigail dodges nathan’s calls after their sexual encounter. he tells skwisgaar he’s probably gonna marry her and have kids with her, he tries to force a connection with her in the album credits, he announces that they’re dating even though, again, she hasn’t spoken to him since the sub.

“breakupklok” - abigail officially quits as dethklok’s producer, saying the relationship was no longer professional.

“the church of the black klok” - nathan apologizes to pickles and tells him that he doesn’t even want abigail if it means he can’t have pickles. abigail is moved by this show of genuine emotion. and then revengeance happens. notably, pickles is the one who reminds everyone else that they have to rescue abigail in turn with nathan.

DSR - nathan thinks about abigail while they’re partying around the world. he thinks about her purely in sexual terms, with her giving him a blowjob and having much larger breasts than she actually does. when she’s rescued, she’s either in skwisgaar’s arms or on the floor. she and nathan kiss.

AOTD - nathan decides he might want to quit music and focus on life instead, pursuing a life with someone he “likes.” he proposes to abigail when she comes to the funeral, telling her she’s the only thing that makes sense. she declines, telling him they weren’t even dating and that she only kissed him because he saved her life. she wishes him well and leaves. nathan and the rest of the band continually says she broke up with him, despite (again) that they were never dating. nathan wants to have a conversation with her but can’t, and when connecting each of the giant aux cords, he apologizes to an abigail that isn’t there, telling her he respects her and wants her to be happy. he also tells pickles that he and abigail never had sex and that if they’d had it wouldn’t have been right.

let’s cut out moments that are either purely sexual in motivation or otherwise platonic. that cuts out “writersklok,” “going downklok,” “breakupklok,” and DSR.

with “the church of the black klok,” this could also be considered a pseudo “breakup” with abigail, as nathan explicitly expresses how he is prioritizing his relationship with pickles over any potential relationship with pickles.

with AOTD, there is also a “breakup” and nathan expressing that he’s moving on from her. however, even the way he expresses feelings to her feel less like genuine romantic interest and more desperation. nathan is dealing with intense PTSD and wants to return to some sort of semblancy of normal. abigail is the perfect vessel to project that onto, and he even never says he loves her. he says he likes her, and he later says he respects her. we can’t really go off any kind of genuine romantic interest here, i think. he wasn’t thinking clearly, and even he didn’t believe he was in love with her. he had definitely deluded himself into thinking they had a relationship that she could “break up,” but again, i’m taking everything he did while he was on xanax and traumatized and depressed and dealing with the weight of the world with a grain of salt.

that leaves “dethdinner,” which i’d say is the strongest argument in favor of nathan having actual romantic interest in abigail—not just sexual desire and not drugged up lunacy. he’s calling her, telling her their moment meant a lot to him, planning their future, and calling her his girlfriend. i could definitely see the argument here that she’s a love interest, as this is the only time any of his romantic feelings for her seem genuine and don’t just seem like sexual desire.

however, and this is getting more into a headcanon/theory territory, i still don’t know if it is genuine. now we know nathan feels things very strongly and that he has had girlfriends before. each of them were very different, though.

rebecca nightrod was verbally abusive and he hated her, though he still felt a sense of betrayal when she cheated on him in her coma, he still devoted himself to her despite hating her. he saw her in her comatose state as the perfect girlfriend, because she could no longer berate him or tell him what to do. yes she was terrible, but the coma was the perfect get out of jail free card, and instead of taking it, he stayed with her. he loves the idea of a girlfriend, even one who’s terrible to him or fucking comatose, but he doesn’t seem to have interest in having to be an active boyfriend.

his different dates in “klokblocked” were never really girlfriends. even when nathan stopped seeing rachel and the band was upset, he insisted that he was never in a relationship with rachel. and of course he never got too close to the other girls because he didn’t like seeing his bandmates with them.

then trindle oh trindle. this is the only girl that nathan seems to really have fallen for. honestly, i mean that even more than abigail. he was much more distraught at the idea of trindle cheating on him. plus he actually spent time with her. like, a lot of time. they made out constantly. though that’s the other thing too. trindle’s relationship with nathan was almost exclusively sexual, the only difference was the label of girlfriend. but she was still seen as a crazy fan, and she never grew past that because she was basically bjork stalker level of crazy. but nathan dated a fan not necessarily because he liked her but because she was obsessed with him and she liked to flash him and suck his dick.

nathan, god i love him sweet as sugar and just as smart, though he’s the only one with several on-screen romances, doesn’t seem to actually want romance. he wants sex, obviously, and he wants the idea of a girlfriend or a wife. but does he actually want it? he stopped seeing so many girls just because his bandmates befriended them and made it difficult for him to have alone time with them. he got lucky that his bandmates didn’t see the girls as a threat and instead as potential additions to their group. that’s an ideal situation, but he still threw it away because it meant he couldn’t fuck them immediately.

so it’s basically my theory that nathan never had genuine romantic interest in abigail. she was another girl that he could potentially use to have his idea of a relationship, but he knew nothing about her. he only seemed to be pursuing her romantically just because they had a sexual encounter that he didn’t even enjoy. it feels to me more like obligation. i’m not saying he wouldn’t have wanted to be with her, he did keep pursuing her, but i doubt how much of that is because he likes her as a person and how much of that is because he wants her sexually.

so, is she nathan’s love interest? i mean, yes and no. he did try to pursue something with her, so i can say that could potentially make her a romantic interest, but there’s so much up in the air as to what his exact feelings towards her were. and if those feelings were all sexual, then that would be like calling the groupies love interests.

[smok3r7]

One Door Closes & Another One Opens

Joel x OFC!Divorce Lawyer

Explicit, 18+

Voice To The Face

Main MasterList & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: She’s a divorce attorney and he’s a husband looking for help to save his daughter, and himself, from his gambling addict wife. Renae Russo is a woman who fights for her clients and wins. She’s satisfied with her life and what she does - but she wishes she could have a little more. What happens when Joel Miller becomes her client and an old flame of Renae’s reignites in the same breath?

Chapter Summary: Both Joel and Renae finally find the courage to make the right decisions to better their lives and find true happiness, partially together and partially not. Better late than never.

Word count: 5.8k

—

Mindlessly pacing back and forth in Tommy’s backyard, Joel can’t seem to stop talking to Renae. The conversation flows so easily, there’s no awkward silence, no vile words being thrown around, no drunken nonsense, and no slot machine music in the background. It’s the first time in years Joel feels listened to and has someone who actually engages in conversation.

His flip-flops pop on the cement that surrounds the inground pool - he’s probably done at least two dozen laps in a matter of minutes. The sky has changed to a soft blue with a hue of orange coming from the sun that’s starting to set, soft bubble-like clouds scatter the sky, and the vibrant oak and ash trees dance with the wind that lightly blows. Summers in Austin can be outright magical, but they can also be dangerously hot. Thankfully this year has been more of the cooler weather, but Joel’s not gonna jinx it because he’s noticed as he gets older, he hates the heat.

Joel didn’t expect to be by the pool for this call, so his jeans stick to his sweaty legs and groin as he paces, making him adjust his semi-hard cock that's been fighting with his zipper. If he would’ve known the first call with a divorce lawyer would’ve gone this way, he wouldn’t have been around Tommy. He started the call sitting with Tommy in his front lawn, both sitting around an ash-filled fire pit with whiskeys in each other's hands, but after about five minutes of Tommy wanting to know every tiny bit of what she was saying, Joel just stood up and walked to the backyard, whiskey in hand.

The phone call started out professional; he went into extreme detail about his financial details, how he wants physical and sole custody of Sarah with no strings to Annie, and that he wants to keep everything except the Toyota. She can keep that damn thing for all he cares, it’s of no use to him.

However, about thirty minutes into the call, after Joel mentioned he also wants to keep the cabin he and Annie bought when they first got together, Renae is the one to change the energy of the call from business to somewhat casual. She talks about how she loves camping in cabins and that she hasn’t gone camping in over a decade, and Joel makes sure to remember that she’s been to ten different campsites in Texas.

If things go a certain direction, he might be able to help her add to that list. At the same time, Joel can’t stop from thinking how he’s already looking into the future with her, during a time where he’s getting divorced. But he quickly finds himself getting distracted by the way her business voice morphed into this bubbly, sarcastic one that has Joel hypnotized by her every word.

And just like that, the floodgates open and the divorce talk is forgotten about completely by both parties.

Another thirty minutes go by of Joel and Renae getting to know each other through talking about fun activities they’ve individually done in the past and things they both enjoy. He talks about things he’s done with Sarah throughout her life, the memories of going to Disney World, to Cedar Point, the Grand Canyon all start to play out like a movie in his brain. Joel hasn’t thought about some of the things that play for him right now in some years - he’s been too occupied to reminisce about the past, so he goes silent for a moment getting lost in little Sarah giggles and hugs.

“That reminds me of the time my sister and I went tubin’ and both of us flew- and when I say flew, I mean we went like ten feet in the air!” She laughs on the other side of the phone.

Seriously? Joel can’t help but chuckle as he asks her, his left hand rubs the back of his neck as he passes the metal handle that leads to the pool steps. Circling for what could very well be the hundredth time.

“Yes, Joel, my dad is insane when it comes to his boat. But I wouldn’t have anyone else drive it, and he wouldn’t either.”

“That sounds like a smart man to me. Sounds like me with my pontoon.”

“Joel, stop it right now,” her southern twang takes control as she drags out her words almost in a whiny voice, but not annoying like Annie. Quite the opposite, actually, any tone from Renae has Joel drooling from his mouth and dick.

“You keep surprisin’ me with these fun little facts about you.”

Heat rushes instantly to his face, and he’s so taken aback that his feet plant themselves and he drags his fingers through the top of his curls and stops them on the back of his head, where he softly scratches his scalp. Something about her smart-ass attitude, silk-like voice, and confident cadence all combined and tied with a large bow to make it better has him not feeling like himself, and he can’t tell if that’s good or not.

“I’ve lived a pretty full life darlin’, there’s lots of things you’d learn from me.”

Joel feels like he must be on a roll or something because of the way she giggles; it’s almost like he can see her sun kissed cheeks start to turn red and her teeth shine from her smile. His heart beat thumps in his chest and cock that’s now supported by the waistband of his boxers and jeans. Thankfully he’s somewhat smart enough to have his back facing the two story home to hide the effects from this one woman.

“Well, since you’re offering, I couldn’t possibly pass that up. That would just be pretty dumb of me.” Joel knows she’s serious but he also hears the bit of sarcasm that laces her words. It’s like a fun game of cat and mouse, who’s gonna fold first, and Joel is loving every second of it.

Joel’s body feels light and airy, his chest isn’t tight. Most importantly, he’s not walking on eggshells. It’s become so natural for him to always be on alert and pay attention to the little inflections of someone’s voice and body language, but that hasn’t happened once since he’s been on this call. It’s refreshing to have a simple, yet meaningful, conversation with someone - her slight southern charm with some street knowledge, and with him knowing her physical attributes, Joel can’t complain in the slightest.

He feels like he’s hit the lottery with Renae and he hasn’t even met her yet.

“Well sugar, how about I come to see ya’ tomorrow ‘n I’ll teach ya’ some things.” The second glass of whiskey gives Joel the confidence he needs to keep up the playful banter and not feel self conscious about it. A second goes by and he swears he hears her try to cover up another giggle, I still got it. Joel hasn’t flirted in years, after so long he was convinced he could never do it again and he was going to be this cold hearted old man for the rest of his life.

“Come by anytime between noon and four,” she says, her voice low and sweet, “Just say you’re here for Russo and she’ll bring you to me.”

“Someone’s eager,” Joel can’t help but grin, “But it sounds like a deal, darlin’.”

“Well I wanna put a face to the smooth voice- uh, I-” she’s now stumbling on her words trying to hide the fact that she just slipped up more than she wanted to. “You may want to bring paper copies of bills, properties you own, and any evidence against Annie that you have. Ya’ know, for our first conciliation- free of charge for you.”

“Will get as much as I can by then-”

“Dad!”

Joel spins around and sees Sarah standing in the doorway with her Nightmare Before Christmas pajama set and her brown hair is pulled up in a high bun that sits on her head. “Are you done yet? I wanna play uno before bed!” She shouts with both of her hands sitting on her hips as she pops her left hip out dramatically and her face has a scowl the size of a monster.

He can’t help but snort at the amount of attitude that spews out of his four foot daughter - oddly enough, he hears Renae snickering in his right ear.

“Give me one minute, kiddo, just gotta finish this call.”

“Ugh, you said that over an hour ago,” Sarah groans and spins around to storm off into Tommy’s, but before she takes a step Joel is quick to check her. He lets some attitude and smart ass comments fly, but not when it comes to something like this. It’s too close to her coming off as a snooty kid - which is not the kind of behavior he will tolerate.

He rests his phone on his chest as his voice booms across the pool and yard from her, “Would ya’ rather just go to bed?” This stops her and causes her to turn her head. I’m sorry, she apologizes. He nods and she’s gone inside. Then he shakes his head, raising his left hand to his face as he rubs the corner of his eye for a moment to collect himself.

“Sorry ‘bout that-“

“Don’t be,” Renae interrupts him, “When duty calls you gotta act on it, I get it. Well, not cause of kids, but- you know what I mean. Anyways, I’ll let you go for the night and I’ll see you tomorrow Mr. Joel Miller.”

He doesn’t want to hang up, he could talk with her for hours and hours. But ultimately he knows he has to, there’s no other option. He’s been dreading this part of the call, partially due to the fact he knows he’s gotta go back to reality.

“Alrighty, Ms. Russo,” he purrs, “Rest up so ya’ can see if my face meets your expectations.”

Renae giggles and the shaking of her bracelets clangs together faintly in the background. “Night, Joel.”

Then just like that, she hangs up. Leaving Joel smirking like a fifteen year old boy who just talked to his first crush and got her number. But now he’s alone with his conflicting thoughts and feelings about how he should handle this delicate situation.

—

On my way back now, a client surprised me. Be home in 10<3

Renae hits send to Gia, who texted her about five minutes ago reminding Renae that she said she’d be home no later than six-thirty - it's ten after seven. Renae had gotten distracted by her phone call with Joel, that she forgot her sister and niece were even in town. There was just something about him that entranced her and kept her wanting to learn more and more about him and who he is as a person.

Renae’s phone goes off with a ding, and she picks it up and unlocks it to see a response.

Kk I just got B out the bath and she’s playing with Frankie, see you when you get here<3

Renae smiles and holds down the message and presses the heart reaction, letting Gia know she read it. After tossing her phone in her purse on her passenger side, she puts her car in drive and heads home.

But she can’t stop thinking of Joel. The way his southern drawl slurs his words just a bit, his laugh deep and sounds like it starts in his belly and climbs into his chest, and the way he talks so highly of his daughter like she’s the most precious thing to him. It’s almost too perfect - but yet again, he is getting divorced, so maybe that’s his red flag. She can’t help but think maybe he wasn’t so innocent in the way things ended with Annie, because there’s two sides to every story.

Even with those negative things floating around her head, she can’t leave the idea of Joel alone. Renae can’t think of the last time a man who has been open about emotions and relationships and a stand up guy all around.

Well, that’s kind of a lie.

Dominic Amaro.

That man will forever be the standard of a boyfriend that Renae will ever have. When they broke up, she told herself that she would never settle for anything less than that and she has upheld that since then. It hasn’t been easy, Renae’s used to the toxic, needy guys - for some god awful reason - so she’s had to learn how to steer clear from those people.

Joel seems to be the opposite of what she would be into, however she’s only basing this off of his voice and personality with a mix of his playful humor.

Sugar, darlin’, Ms. Russo.

Renae can’t stop replaying those words in Joel’s voice. She’s hooked, addicted even. She’s not sure how she’s gonna be able to keep her composure tomorrow. If he looks anything like she imagines - she’s fucked, and not in a good way.

Well, maybe…who knows?

By the time she reaches her apartment complex, she’s already looking forward to sleeping. But she knows she can't. Bianca is going to want to watch The Princess Bride before she goes to bed tonight. It's become tradition since the first time Bianca traveled five years ago. The first night they stayed, Gia suggested it and Bianca just fell in love with the movie. The next time they visited, Renae surprised Bianca with baking sugar cookies before the movie so they would be done about half way through. Then they could snack on some treats while enjoying the movie before they all went to bed.

It’s helped heal a bit of Renae’s broken heart that she denies having; being able to create joy for Bianca out of something so minuscule is all Renae needs.

“I’m back!” She announces as she pushes her front door open and instantly spots everyone in the living room to her left. “So sorry I’m late, I got caught up on a call.” She can feel Gina’s eyes scorning her back as Renae faces her kitchen, setting down her purse and laptop bag. Like she always does.

But before Gia can get a word out, Bianca is at Renae’s hip, saving her from any bullshit her mom was about to unleash. “It’s okay, we got the movie all set and got the cookies mixed up, they just gotta go in the oven!” Bianca squeals as she looks up at Renae with this enormous smile that Renae can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy; she looks so much like a mix of Gia and Renae, the Russo genes are strong.

“Lovebug, you are the bomb,” Renae lowers her right hand a low five, which Bianca smacks hard. “Just lemme’ go change and we can start!”

“Okay!” Bianca cheers as she hugs Renae’s hips and runs back into the living room with Gia and Frankie. The apartment is now filled with puppy barks and growls as Bianca plays tug-a-war with him on the dark gray carpet that has a hint of navy blue to it, that covers the living room.

“Can I talk with you for just a second?” Gia asks with a snide tone while standing up from the navy leather couch, then walking behind Renae who’s heading to her room.

“Don’t think I have much of a choice,” Renae sighs in defeat while opening her bedroom door. In a strange way, she now feels like the little sister who’s about to get scolded by the older one for god knows what. However, deep down Renae knows that Gia can sense something is up. When she and Bianca are in town, Renae is never late and won’t ever give a half-assed excuse, for anything - so Gia definitely knows something is different.

Before Renae can even get one heel off, Gia is already shooting off a hundred questions at once. To anyone else it would sound like pure gibberish, but Renae has no problem making out each word and being able to understand them.

So who’s the guy? How old? Does he have money? Is he tall? Fat? Skinny? Short? How long has this been goin’ on? Are you and Dominic talking again? You only glow like this when you’re with or talking with him- She takes a split second to gasp out of a realization, oh my god…it is Dominic. When were you gonna tell me? How long?

By the time she’s finished with her array of questions, Renae has already changed into her oversized tee and shorts and is now in her bathroom relieving her face from the makeup that’s melted to her face from the brutal heat. Completely ignoring her sisters ridiculous blabbering, but yet hating the fact that she’s right - partially.

With both her hands flat on the pearl white countertop next to the matching white square sink that sits above the counter, instead of in it. A little touch of something different than any other place she was looking at to rent, the bathroom is really what sold her on this one bedroom, one and a half bathroom apartment.

She observes her reflection opposite of her, she can tell there is a small glow that shines from her face; her cheeks have a brighter color to them, her green eyes piercing but soft, her shoulders are relaxed and low. She’s not tense, like she has been for the last few years. Not because of anything in particular, she just hasn't been able to let loose like she wants.

After a few more seconds of taking in her appearance, she sees how happy she looks. The defined lines in between her eyebrows are softer, the smiles lines grow from the permanent smile that paints her lips. Her eyes are full of hope and desire, much like how she feels about tomorrow. The promise of tomorrow is what’s keeping her light on her toes; the possibility of something new and unfamiliar excites Renae.

She has to venture out of her comfort zone, Dominic can’t be her safety net forever.

“Hello,” Gia drags out as she vigorously flips the light switch on and off, “Earth to Renae, anyone home?”

“Shit, yeah.” Renae shakes her head before she slides her bracelets off, along with her rings, and hoops. Then setting them on the counter next to the sink; knowing that she’ll more than likely wear them tomorrow, she doesn’t put them in her jewelry stand.

Quickly glancing over to her sister and her bump, who’s no more than a couple meters away, Renae smiles at the fact Gia is living her life exactly how she wants. The jealousy still lingers in her soul, it always will, but it’s pushed into the back of her mind for now. She goes back to her reflection and starts to put her thick hair into a low bun that sits at the bottom of her neck.

“For your information, Dominic and I aren’t back together, but we have been talking-“

“I knew it!”

Renae now completely faces Gia with a playful - kinda annoyed - expression, “Bitch, are you gonna let me finish? Or do ya’ not want the story?” Crossing her arms in front of her chest and popping her right hip that bumps into the drawer.

“Can’t help myself!” Gia scoffs as she turns around and sits on Renae’s bed, one hand planted behind her supporting her body up and the other one spreads across her belly. Her worn gray Yankee’s tee lifts enough for her belly button to pop out, Renae can't stop her lips from curving up. Pure love and compassion pours out of her whole demeanor. Seeing Gia legitimately happy and enjoying herself and her life, getting everything she wants and needs for her and her family, is such a beautiful feeling for Renae.

The big sister finally feels like the baby has finally found herself and it digs at her a little bit because she doesn’t need Renae. At least not like they did as kids. But it also fills her with this accomplished spirit because Renae was the one who pushed Gia to move to New York and make that one last step.

Now look at Gia; a badass business owner, wife, mother, and homeowner.

“I get excited when this shit happens to you, Rae… Cause you deserve it and I want it so badly for you.” Gia’s tone is now low and sincere, her body language even. She swipes the loose pieces of her shoulder length hair that’s a bright cherry blonde behind her ears and slightly sitting forward. Almost too fast for Renae to catch but she sees a small tear fall down Gia’s cheek before she quickly wipes it away with her right hand.

“Please know that I’m rooting for you in every way possible, even with our little tit-for-tat shit we do.”

Renae now in the doorway between her bedroom and bathroom with the right side of her body leaning against the frame, her left leg crossed behind her right one that supports her body and her arms still folded. The image of her pregnant sister in front of her instantly soothes her body and mind, she can never stay mad at Gia.

“Don’t go gettin’ all fuckin’ sappy on me,” Renae chuckles, “Buck up, camper.”

“Whatever, so how’s Dominic and his ma?”

“Not good, uh, he told me she’s maybe got a year left in her. Her organs just are not functioning like they should, so he’s pretty shaken by that.”

“Aw, Rae. I’m sorry, honey.”

“Yeah, well, anyway Dominic is comin’ to visit next month, so I invited him to stay with me for those few days he’s here.” Renae watches as Gia’s eyes bulge and her mouth starts to open, however she’s quick to stop her. “Nothing serious is gonna come outta it, I just figured if he’s gonna be in Austin he could save money by staying here. And maybe we’ll fuck or not, I don’t know okay?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Gia smirks as she raises her hands in surrender. “But I know that’s not everything that happened today… Spill.” Both her hands back on the mattress supporting her body as she leans back a bit with a cocky smirk.

Renae can’t help herself from laughing as she turns to flick the light off in the bathroom and slides past Gia towards the door that leads out to the rest of her apartment. She doesn’t want to explain the Joel situation right now mostly because she hasn’t even met him yet, so she really has nothing to go on. She’ll fill Gia in tomorrow after her meeting with him.

“Nice try, your daughter’s waiting for us.” She flicks her bedroom light off, “In five seconds I bet she’ll call for us. Five…four…three…two..”

“Mamaaa, are y’all almost ready?”

In her dark room the two sisters can’t help the burst of laughter and snorts that leave their mouths at the perfect timing of Bianca’s voice from the living room. Renae was just trying to switch the topic of conversation off of her before she got stuck answering to her sister.

Even though she’s a lawyer - a very good one - Gia is able to corner Renae into telling her things. She’s never been able to understand why her baby sister is the one to crack her and it’s been like this since Gia could talk. So Renae found out she has to switch the conversation or just leave the area, because otherwise Gia will sit there and pick apart every minute detail that Renae subconsciously tells.

“We’re comin’, lovebug!”

—

The flicking of Renae’s nails on her thumb and ring finger on her right hand takes over the office, her nerves tingling with anticipation. It’s the first time she’s ever been nervous to meet a client. Well frankly, she’s never had a client like this before.

She can’t stop pacing her office; around her desk, around the table that sits in the middle of her room, up and down the length of her five foot window as she stares down twelve stories at the people who look like ants. Her stomach is in knots, her throat feels dry even though she’s pounded a couple of bottles of water.

Burning rays of sun shine down on her through the window pane, causing her to turn back to her office as she scans her surroundings. Making sure everything is exactly how she wants it and nothing is slightly out of place; first impressions are huge for her.

Renae’s office is her prized possession, she’s worked her ass off to get where she is; right after high school she jumped into college - four years of college to get her bachelors in Sociology and then she did three years in Law school. Luckily she knew Rachel York through a family friend, who put a good word in for Renae and was able to start at R&R Law Firm immediately. So the last thing she wants is for a client to walk in and be instantly turned away by how her space is decorated or kept together.

Maybe that’s a stretch for anyone to think but she’s heard plenty of stories from other attorneys, where their desk wasn’t kept up completely and the client complained about him being disorganized. So ever since then Renae has been a stickler about her work space.

Why did I give him such a huge window of time? She repeats on a loop in different ways so she can try to understand her logic, but there’s no right or wrong answer. She was simply too distracted by him and too eager to meet him to even think about giving correct information. She cracks her thin fingers on both hands and a little bit of her tension is broken, at least in her hands - the other parts of her body are another story.

She tilts her head up to the clock above her desk, one o’clock on the dot. She inhales through her nose and lets it sit in her chest for a second, then exhales through her mouth once to try to escape the reality of meeting Joel. But it doesn’t help. She walks about her mahogany desk and sits in her matching colored office chair, adjusting her fitting white button-up that’s tucked into her high waisted baby blue dress pants so she’s comfortable.

Her usual curly hair, now pin straight with a middle part, reaches the top of her butt and a few money pieces in front of her shoulders and temples on her face. The gold of her jewelry shimmers with her sun-kissed skin that lays underneath the thick, choker-like chain necklace, accompanied by her medium sized hoops, bangles on each wrist and groupings of rings on either hand. Her French tipped acrylics being the cherry on top for her.

“Knock, knock.”

Renae stops like she just got caught sneaking out the house as a teenager.

He’s here. Holy shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

With her open toed white heels she spins her chair towards her door to see the mystery man that she already knows is going to uproot her life. Her body stops all movements, but her brain is working a mile a minute.

He’s from the diner… He’s the hot man from the diner.

But he’s cleaned himself up. He’s now crossed the threshold of the door about five or six feet away from her, give or take. First thing that catches her eye is how he shaved his face, keeping the mustache so not quite a baby face but not the full beard she loved yesterday. His salt and pepper curls are combed back and not messy, it even looks like he may have gotten a small haircut on the top. His dark chocolate orbs glistening along with his tanned skin from the sun that beats in from the window across the room.

She can’t believe this, it’s almost comical. In fact, she can’t help but laugh and slightly shake her head side to side while she stares up into his eyes. Joel does the same as he holds a stack of papers in a Manila folder tucked between his left bicep that’s covered by a light gray button up, which is bunched up and about ready to rip and his side.

“So you’re Joel Miller?” She giggles as she pushes herself out of her chair and steps towards him to properly greet him, for real this time and not just a quick moment of intimate eye contact while she walks away.

“This is me, darlin’,” he says, and she watches his eyes do a quick up and down gaze of her body as she gets closer. Her heart flutters at his voice, it's soft but deep like it comes from his chest and his southern tone is heavy when it comes to pet names.

Now directly in front of him, Renae extends her arm to shake his hand - for more reasons than one - her thin gold bangles chime together.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Miller”

Joel’s quick to grasp her hand, which is completely swallowed by his thick, calloused hand that squeezes for a second, “Likewise Ms. Russo.” His voice is like honey that drips and drips, having Renae begging for more of it.

—

“So you did know it was me before you came here?” Renae questions Joel with a smirk, as she barely sways her chair and pops her gum, while he sits across her desk.

Joel shifts his body just enough so his shoulder blades now rest on the back of the leather swivel chair, his right hand scratches his stubble while he chuckles at her reaction. His eyes roam around her body, even though she’s all he wants to look at. He’s partially embarrassed because he feels like a stalker of some kind, even though she’s reassured him that he’s not dozens and dozens of times.

It’s been close to two hours since he arrived at her office. The first hour was all about the divorce bullshit he’ll have to go through; canceling insurance on Annie’s Toyota and changing the title to her name, taking her off his phone plan, changing locks, taking her off of the family insurance policy. Then the worst two things that he wanted to avoid at all cost, he found out he’s going to have to deal with it - the whole process will take four months minimum because there’s a child involved and that he’s going to have to fight for physical and sole custody because Annie’s going to, and already is, fighting it.

Renae could tell he was feeling down and out of sorts just by the way his whole body tensed when Sarah came up in the conversation. So she swiftly changed the course of their conversation and turned it more easy-going and natural than the previous. Which ended up turning into an hour of joking about the fact they have somewhat already met one another and the fact the odds of that happening are slim to none.

“Yes… But,” he sits up, now halfway off the seat and his elbows rest on his knees, while his palms and fingertips pressed together, “I just happened to click on R&R Law Firm. I saw your picture - beautiful one by the way - ‘N I told myself, or, made myself is a better way to describe it. And I had to just make the call.”

Joel loves the way her face brightens whenever he compliments her or he makes a joke that she finds hilarious; the way her nose scrunches when she tries to hide her laughter or smile, makes it hard for him to stop staring. He’s just getting to know her and he’s already obsessed, addicted, fixated. It’s kind of scary how possessive he already feels around Renae.

“Thank you. It’s an old picture, I’m sure you can tell,” her hands gesture to her face for a moment before she rests them back on her armrests and scoffs. “Side note, I believe you Joel. Don’t have to defend yourself, that’s what I’m here for!” Her teeth gleam with her smile as she rolls her chair a bit to her right and gently pulls the middle drawer of her desk open and grabs a sheet of paper.

“Exactly why I wanted ya, darlin’.” He draws out the beginning of ‘exactly’ as he watches her move so smoothly behind her desk. Gliding to one side and her orange strands of hair fly with her, grabbing a pen for him to use and the top part of her button-up open just enough for Joel to get a peak of her breasts, and back in the middle as she turns the paper to him.

“Just sign here,” she circles the bottom section on the front, then flips the sheet over, “‘n here and I’m all yours.” She purrs, handing the blue pen to Joel who happily takes it. Joel rarely liked the look of Annie’s too long, bright acrylics but Renae’s simple style and length makes him rethink his opinion on acrylics. He starts to think about how pretty her French tips would look wrapped around his throbbing cock or how ravishing she looks when she’s dripping with arousal as she glides through her folds and teases herself.

Mindlessly he signs the form and sets the pen on top of it before he slides it back to Renae who’s admiring him from behind her desk. Joel's brain can’t wrap around the fact that someone as gorgeous and intelligent as Renae, is even interested in a guy like Joel. Maybe too much of the belittling and the trauma from Annie has diminished his self esteem, but he can slowly feel it coming back.

She’s all mine.

[river13245]

Hello, hope you're having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request Aaron Hotchner x Male reader who joined the fbi/bau to gather information on what killed his family. Reader knows it wasn't human but he knows no one would believe him feeling alone and that he should have been in their place.

The team know nothing of reader's real drive or his past only that he's x military. They don't even know that the only thing he has is his car that he lives in or lives in hotel rooms out of paranoia.

Maybe on a case it takes a supernatural turn and reader is the only one who is aware of it and know what to do but can't tell anyone cause who would believe him? Maybe reader gets hurt saving Aaron because needs to make sure Aaron get back home to his son

Warnings: Reader being a slight ass, Bad fighting descriptions (first time ill get better within time), Blood, loss of family.

Authors note: this ended up being longer than I originally planned.

-----

It was a quiet day at the Bau, everyone was quiet and doing their own work and there hadn't been an emergence case that had came your guy's way yet. So you were taking the time to really appreciate the quiet for however long it had lasted.

You were all tasked with jobs because even on quiet days you all were busy. Your job was to go through old cases and new ones and so here you were at your desk sorting out case files. Some were old and solved already while others were going to have to be sent to the local police because they were ones they would be able to do.

However there was one file that when you first opened it your heart stopped. As you scanned through it you sat absolutely still and held your breath. As if one single movement would make you break. You wouldn't say that you were an emotional man, when you were younger definitely but things change you. And as you read through this you remember exactly what had changed you all those years ago

-----

You had just gotten back to the state after being away at the army for almost two years and was looking forward to seeing your family. As you sat in the car you thought about what you would see when you got to your home. The same home that you have lived in your whole life.

Your mother would be in the kitchen possibly listening to music as she cleaned up. Your father would be in the living room playing with your younger siblings so they would be out of your mothers way while she cleaned up.

However what you hadn't expected was to open the door to see your family laying in puddles of their own blood. Your mother was laying face down in the kitchen while your dad was right beside her laying on his back. As you looked around you seen your younger siblings in the living room dead as well.

Tears were in your eyes as you knelt down onto the ground. You were in knelt down as you let yourself cry for many minutes until you started to feel completely ill. Rushing to the bathroom you leaned over the toilet. As you flushed you made sure to breathe and try to calm yourself even just a little bit.

When you made your way down to the living room you noticed how the blood was smeared as if your father had tried to get to your mother to protect her from whatever was happening. It broke your heart. Their faces once full of life and laughter was not pale and scarred.

-----

After that day you had made it your life's purpose to find whoever had killed your family and kill that SOB. You had called the cops and they took care of everything and you went back to the military for a few more years.

The army was good for you, you focused on making sure you were strong and skilled in many different ways. Your family was on your mind every step of the way. Even when you joined the BAU, you joined not only to protect other people from harm but also in hopes to cross paths with the same thing that had killed your family. And here it was. In your hands. The scene of the crime was at your childhood home and you knew that the thing would come back. It did when it killed your parents.

Getting up from your desk in a rush caused the team to glance over at you. You paid them no mind as you walked straight to Aarons office. Now normally you would have knocked but instead this time you walked straight in, causing him to look up at you from his own paperwork.

Usually he would say something about someone just barging in like that but as he looked at you his eyes softened as he noticed just how stressed you looked.

He watched as you walked in front of his desk and placed down the case file so he could see it. "this is a case that needs our immediate attention" your voice was authoritive as you spoke to your boss.

Grabbing the casefile he looked at it and nodded "alright ill call everyone down to the briefing room" You nod in response before walking down to the briefing room.

------

After being briefed on the case Penelope had gotten straight to work. Everyone could tell that you had not been your normal self. They may not know much about you besides what's on your file but they have known you long enough to know when you were on edge. No one said anything since they were slightly scared or intimidated by you in some way.

When Penelope said that she has got something you all talk about it and as soon as Hotch says that you guys are taking the cars you are the first to walk out. He gives a quick look to the team before walking after you. You sit into the passenger seat knowing he was following you and when he sits in the drivers side he places his hand on your arm lightly. "you need to tell me what's wrong. Why are you acting like this over a case?"

His voice was authoritive but you knew that he cared about you. and in knowing that, that's what terrified you. "I'm fine boss can we go?" Aaron visibly flinched back at you calling him boss instead of his name.

You guys weren't dating or anything but there had been something there. Something that neither of you seemed to be able to take the leap to pursue.

Aaron starts the car and follows the others to your childhood home. The home that you hadn't been able to step foot on or even drive past because it haunted you.

The car ride was silent, you knew you had been an ass. You hadn't meant to be but you were far to in your own head to apologize right now. You would have to do that at a later time because right now you could barely speak.

When you finally arrive Aaron glances over at you before getting out. You sit for just a few moments before getting out and putting on your mask. It was a figurative mask, just means you pretend to be alright. As you step out Aaron is already handing you your gun and some other things you need. He helps you button up your vest so its secure and tight.

He does this all in silence only squeezing your shoulders before looking over you quickly. Then he turns to the team "alright everyone ready?"

Derek is texting on his phone probably texting Penelope when he says "yeah just one second." At his words something breaks inside of you and you snap at him. "Derek just put the damn phone down. Flirting with your "baby girl" can wait until this is finished."

He pauses and puts his phone away "what the hell is wrong with you y/n you have been on edge ever since you seen this case" he didn't sound super pissed but you shook your head. "Nothing I'm just wanting to get this over with. Even if I have to do it myself."

You turn and begin to walk to the house after muttering a "fucks sake." Walking to the back door you hear Aaron right behind you. He had probably apologized for you to the team before following you but you didn't turn to spare him any glance.

Getting to the door you hear Derek kick down the door and the others are guarding every entrance and exits they can find so no one can escape. You instinctively place your hand on Aarons for just a moment before walking in.

Aaron is right beside you as you walk through the house. You can smell blood, blood that's probably been here for days but what you can hear is the worst of it. Screaming as if the person had been wanting to keep one alive. That wasn't a thing they had done before.

You had special bullets in your gun that would kill anything. No matter what it was so as you made your way to the sound you see them before they see you. Your gun is in the air instantly aiming it at them. But when they turn around all they do is smirk.

"well hello y/n" at the sound of your name coming from the mans lips you stiffen up and Aaron looks at you and then back at the unsub. "how the hell do you know my name?" your voice didn't waver even as the man in front of you chuckled. "oh come on, you didn't think I wouldn't know the man whose family I had killed would you"

You glare at him while he walks closer to you. Aaron walks closer to you to protect you but you shake your head. He looks at you and it seems as if you are having a silent argument in your head and he eventually backs away from you.

The man in front of you looks down at you since he's taller than you are. "you were the one that got away. I cant say that I've ever missed anyone before." Rolling your eyes you stare up at him "well I'm glad I could leave an impression. After all i would hope you remembered me since you're the one that killed my family"

The team visibly straightens up and now its all clicking as to just why you were acting the way you were today. "ouu sorry about that. I actually only was there for your mother but your father had to get in the way. Tried to be the hero, save your mom" He paused smirking "and well i couldnt just let the kids witness that and then have to live with the trauma. So I did them a favor"

Before you could stop yourself your fist hit his jaw. Your gun in the holster, not the smartest decision you had ever made but you weren't thinking rationally when you did it and everyone else knew.

However it was part of your plan because now he was distracted so the team can get the hostage they were holding. Now they were safe and out of the building. Looking over you see JJ helping the young woman out trying to calm her.

As the two of you begin to fight you had been winning until he said something to distract you and then before you knew it he was leaning on top of you "since I've already killed your family I thought id already had taken everything that made you happy. But I've realized someone has become to mean everything to you" He looks at Aaron "we cant have that can we?"

Aaron shoots the man but it doesn't do much to him as he flicks his hand and Aaron is shot back to the wall and he's slowly losing breath. "NO!" You sit up and grab the mans foot making him fall but not before the man uses magic on you and a cut appears along your arm and leg. The cuts are very deep but you manage with shaky hands to grab your gun and you shoot the man and he finally ends up bleeding out.

Your losing consciousness slowly but surely. Aaron rushes over to you while the team is coming over to the man and doing their jobs knowing that Aaron needed time with you.

Looking up at Aaron you cough and place your hand that was on your arm now on his shirt that just happened to be white. "Aaron I'm sorry" He shakes his head and places his hand on your chest while Spencer comes over and is wrapping up your leg while the team calls an ambulance. "don't you dare apologize. You can apologize later."

He places his hand on the back of your head as you close your eyes. "don't you dare close your eyes" you laugh at how even now he was ordering you around, and you wince at how much everything hurts. "I'm just resting my eyes, don't use that tone with me Hotch"

You were trying to act as if everything was fine but as Hotch lifted you up and began to walk you to the ambulance is when you had passed out.

The last thing you remembered was Hotch ordering them to let him ride with you and him placing something soft under head.

------

When you finally woke up you kept your eyes closed but the first thing you noticed was someone running their hand through your hair gently saying "come on baby. wake up please."

The Baby really caught you off guard but a smile makes its way to your face as you open your eyes you see Aaron in front of you. "Aaron?" He looks at you and you're surprised he could even hear you from how hoarse your voice was. "shh don't talk here. Here is some water" he holds it to your lips and you sip on it.

"thank you" you look up at him and grab onto his hand. "Did I hear you right or was I still unconscious did you call me baby?" he squeeze's your hand and nods. "yeah I did. Hope that's okay"

You smile and nod instantly, its probably the most you've smiled and he takes a moment to really appreciate just how amazing you look when you smile. "you are coming home today. They said that when you woke up they would take care of you and you would be free to go"

You nod and look around "can you get the team in here please?" he nods and as he goes and gets them the doctors get you all situated and you sit up with a wince.

Eventually the team walks in and they all begin to fret over you and you roll your eyes and tell them that your fine. However you look over to Derek who is keeping his distance and you feel bad. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. It wasn't your fault" He nods "I know and I should have taken it more seriously"

Nodding Emily speaks "why did you do that? Why did you go out of your way to save Aaron when you knew you would get hurt in the process." You didn't have to think about the answer "because he has a son to get home to. What do I have to go home to? I live in my car or in hotels when i need a night in a bed and to freshen up. No one is depending on me outside of this job"

Aaron speaks from where he was resting against the wall without you noticing. "oh how wrong you are. Do you not know that all of us, including me need you. I need you outside of work, during work. You are the one that I look forward to seeing everyday. Also you aren't going home to your car. You're coming home with me so I can care for you"

Rolling your eyes you shake your head "you don't have to do that Hotch" he shakes his head before giving you a look that leaves no room for argument "Its final...and I thought I had upgraded from Hotch to babe, darling or something" You laugh in response and pull him into a kiss causing the others to be surprised but they smile.

"okay then my love, take me home"

[greasegotahold]

This post started out with a point then turned into rambling abt the stage show lol

So like. at least in my irl circle and from what I heard yesterday, a lot of ppl prefer the musical to the movie. Acknowledging the bias of theatre ppl toward theatre, that's not the reason I heard most; what I heard most is that the musical stays closer to the book than the movie. Granted idk how many if any of these ppl have seen the complete novel extended cut of the movie, but even so this argument sits wonky with me

Bc the musical takes quite a few departures from the book, some p dramatic. Darry is not the gang's leader, Dally is. Randy is an ensemble part with one line; Cherry gets his ending "even if you win, nothing will change" moment. Sandy is already gone. Evie and Sylvia are gone. Steve is not a big part of Soda's life. Two Bit isn't acknowledged as an alcoholic. Johnny was only jumped a week ago, and it's not a secret who did it. Bob is the one who jumps Pony at the start and even comes up with an excuse for it. Dally doesn't give Johnny his heater, Dally commits a far more direct suicide, no sickness or court proceedings, so on and so forth.

Now I understand why we made just about all of these changes: the show is just about 2 hours as is, not counting intermission; streamlining needed to happen, for time and for clarity of storyline. I even prefer a lot of the changes (Cherry is just. Such a livelier character lmao. She's given stuff to DO. I love her in the book and movie but the stuff they added in the musical I simply love.) I bring this up just bc it. Is honestly just as different as the movie if not more so in how it departs from the source material.

Which means when ppl are saying it's closer to the book, they mean in feel.

And in many avenues; talking about the the extreme accessibility of the book as an adult with other adults, attempting to articulate my issues with the film adaptation, and then later attempting to defend the movie on those same shortcomings, I think I know why.

It's the ever-present narration. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ponyboy tells his story, he doesn't show. And that makes the book an extremely straightforward read, and absolutely how he can tell us so much shit that happened in so little time, but it also makes it hard to capture in a standard movie adaptation, especially when the movie also needs to trim down and streamline characters and plot points.

But what does Pony do throughout the musical? He narrates. Yes the story plays out real time, but it's still interspersed with these slowdowns where he talks to the audience, where he's narrating.

And I think that's what's really clicking so well with the musical, despite all the changes to characters and their dynamics and plot beats.

And for certain things, the impact is still there, they just changed it around. Johnny was jumped last week instead of months ago and we don't get the excerpt abt how he wound up buying his first blade, and how he would kill the next soc who tried to jump him, and Dally no longer gives him his gun, but he does give him the 6 inch switchblade when Johnny is genuinely worried his dad will kill his mom, and then shows him how to stab to kill. The circumstances are different, but we still get Dally giving Johnny a lethal weapon. The motivation changes for why Johnny carries his blade, from self defense to an explicit want to protect others, but this makes it a more direct setup for when he kills Bob to save Pony.

And a lot of the straight up original additions to the plot feel seamless. The added backstory for Cherry's parents, her dad's alcoholism and her mom's kind of just. Surrender to hopelessness and despair. Not only explains why she's so touchy about Bob drinking, but it makes the change from going along with him to stop a fight into her refusing to back down after breaking up feel justified. To be clear, I don't fault book and movie cherry for doing what she does in that scene, she's trying to keep everyone else safe, I just think that the change was set up and well executed in the musical.

Also sidenote but in Justice For Tulsa...I have so many feelings after getting to see it. The cop shining his flashlight down on Two Bit as he gets jumped, but then he just keeps on walking bc why would he care abt a greaser...Bev buying right into the boys' escalation against the greasers vs Cherry's outright rebuke and then Marcia is over here looking genuinely Physically nauseous over having to choose a side. And of course the moment where the cop beats Dally after handcuffing him, that speaks for itself.

(Sidenote, unrelated to anything, I just wanna say when I listened to the soundtrack for the first time, years since I had read the book or watched the movie, somehow I just knew when the soc boys started singing their threatening section, that they were jumping two bit. I guess I just had a faint buried memory that Two Bit was the revenge-jumping victim lol)

[bunk-bed-blorbos]

Okay 21 for the ask series please! I love your writing!

21. How have they changed each other for the better/for the worse?

Oooooooh buddy I have been waiting for this one

Zuke was used to being in the background. He was always in the shadow of people far more outgoing, far more talented, and far more courageous than him, and he didn't think Mayday would be any different.

Weather she knew it or not, Nadia had trained Zuke to be in the background- stay in his lane, provide the backing beat while the melody shone. So imagine his surprise when Mayday encourages him to go all out, to play just as passionately as her guitar, to stand beside her as an equal, a bandmate... a partner.

The more time he spent with Mayday, the more surefooted Zuke felt. Even if he's still a little camera shy, he's more confident, willing to speak his mind. Mayday has a way of brightening the lives of everyone around her, and Zuke is proud to stand with her in the light.

As for Mayday... well, if you asked her, she'd say that Zuke saved her life.

The two of them had met eachother at probably the lowest point in their lives; Zuke had just run away from Rapturika, and Mayday was hungrier and lonlier than she had ever been.

She was so sure that her solo career was going to take off at anytime, that she was going to be loved by everyone and get the validation she so desperately needed.

After getting to know Zuke, getting closer to him, she began to really open up to him. When her emotions began to spiral out of control, instead of being caught in a desperate fight between repressing her feelings or being completely submerged in them, there was someone there who was able to ground her, who was able to provide a means of escape.

Mayday doesn't feel the need to take on the entire world by herself anymore. She doesn't think she'd be playing music today if she didn't have Zuke.

[universaln0b0dy]

Always the side characters (Twist au)

Note: Lol, I finally decided to post the au in which all of my silly little twist ocs are canon and the rest will be in its blog, but here! Have the very pretty intro. Also, i am not planning on sticking to canon. It's my au, i get to do what ever i want, so be prepared. (Also all of this is just for fun and not fleshed out yet. I wrote this as if I was describing a movie trailer.

Intro one: Always the side characters

"As far as I can remember, I was always left behind." Image cutting to multiple pictures, with blurry people talking to each other. Yuna stands far behind them. "Maybe i wouldn't have minded that much if the reason hadn't been my twin." It starts colouring the pictures with Yuu in the middle and people around them. Yuna starts getting blacked out.

"For years and years I was the second fiddle, it didn't matter what I did... Yuu did it better." It cuts to Yuna having an A, but Yuu having an A+ and getting more praise from the parents. Yuna plays the Trombone beautifully, but you can't hear her cause Yuu is the main theme and she just the brass. It continues on and on.

"After a while I had enough of being the side character in someone else's life." Scene cuts to Yuu and Yuna fighting.

"You have to tell me what's wrong! I can't help you if you aren't going to tell me what the problem is." Yuu tries to pull Yuna back, but she slaps their hand away. "I don't need your help okay? I want to do things on my own. WHY CAN'T I PERSUE ART ON MY OWN?"

Yuu is taken aback by this outburst. "W-what? But I thought you would like it if we did the courses together. We are twins-"

Yuna turns around and stares at them angrily. "I never asked you to join! I wanted to do this on my own, you-you just burst into my hobbies like their your own. And what do you mean with TWINS?" Yunas shoulders stiff and she clenched her fists. "Us being twins doesn't mean we have to do everything together."

Yuu is shocked and takes two steps back, letting Yuna leave. "After that day, everything changed." Yuna sees a carriage on the road and is forced to enter it, the scene fades to black.

"Hello~" There is a voice calling her awake and Yuna blinks and opens her eyes. It cuts to a girl with red eyes and curly red hair leaning over her, smiling.

"HUH?"

"Good evening! I hope you feel alright." The girl turns her head to the side, her hair has a few rainbow streaks. "Mrs. YZME? The students awake."

Cut to the vice headmistress showing Yuna around school. "Suddenly I was in a completely different world, in a school for people with magic.... without magic."

( insert dorm sorting ceremony and cut to a dirty dorm being revealed)

"Ew" Yuna looks around in disgust. Camera swings to a platypus shrugging. "Oh I forgot to mention, I also have a roommate. The great Phil, he is lazy but very nice."

The two are seen fighting over a blanket till a knock stops them. "I have to study for a whole new world, but luckily Madelyne and the dees are there for me."

Madelyne proudly showing off her second year mark, before it cuts to a pair of twins one very hyper and one almost emotionless.

"I have adapted to my new life quickly." It cuts to a few silly scenes and school stuff until the atmosphere gets eerie.

"But it doesn't stop the fact that this school has a terrible secrets." It cuts to Overblots, a hall of masks, ghosts, a secret library door opening and closing.

"And I am dead set on saving my friends and protecting what's mine."

There is a long line with all characters (shadowed) exept for Yuna in the front and the twins to each of her sides.

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Intro: NCR meets FTA

It cuts to Yuu looking at a picture. "I thought at first it wasn't possible." Dramatic music and a zoom in on Yuna in a Feetale academy uniform, the people she is with get blurred away. "She shouldn't be here, my precious little twin."

Cut to Yuu slamming their fist on the table. "What do you know about this school!?" Cut to some of the housewardens. Most look confused except for Riddle, Kalim, Azul and Leona.

First interview with Riddle. "I don't know much about this school only that a former..... friend... of mine attends this academy."

Cut to Azul. "Well a classmate who I know is very close to Rielle is attending this school, but there isn't more to know."

Cut to Leona: "Huh? Why are you asking me about those sleazebags?" Ruggie chimes in: "Oh isn't this the school rumoured to be filled with RSA's lap dogs?"

Cut to Kalim, who seems genuinely uncomfortable/sad: "A friend of mine attends this school, along with a friend of Jamil's. As far as I know they were forced to cut off contact after Geena and Peggy were forced to....."

Next skip to Ramshackle being covered in red yarn, with yuu connecting storys and pictures but sighing frustrated. "THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT THIS SCHOOL!"

It cuts to Yuu searching through the internet but there being nothing, not even interviews of former students. "I have to see if my twin is there, no matter what it takes. But how do I get to the school when there is this little info on them?"

Dramatic framing of a tournament that takes part between all schools at the end if the year. "Yes, I have to make this school win this, forcing them into the spotlight!"

That is what I have so far for the cinema like intro, I hope you all like it^^