#it's Keine's best friend

[xx-stay-strongxx]

Von: Ich muss es dir als erstes sagen, ich Brauch dich.

Zu: Ich hab vergessen es dir zu sagen, aber jetzt weiß du ja bescheid.

[nilufersworld]

Ich denke.. ich sollte die Vergangenheit in der Vergangenheit lassen

-Im herzen bleiben die errinerungen bis zum tot

[x-snowstorm-x]

Die Rückschläge nehmen immer mehr zu.

[secret-behind-my-smile]

How my best friend sees me ✨

[alessiasfreckles]

fasching (georgia stanway x reader)

you've had a crush on georgia for a few months after meeting her at a party in munich. now it's fasching, and you're determined to show her the intricacies of the german holiday - i.e. getting drunk.

warnings: alcohol, fluff

a/n: wanted to write something about georgia and fasching/karneval since, y'know, it's fasching (which is a german holiday at the start of lent where everyone wears costumes and gets drunk, basically)! short and sweet x

----

“Well, can I just wear the dirndl I wore for Oktoberfest again?” Georgia asked, frowning. 

“No!” you exclaimed. “You need a real costume.”

“What if my costume is an FC Bayern footballer?” she grinned.

“That’s not a real costume. Or at least, it would be if it wasn’t just basically your work uniform,” you said, rolling your eyes. You got out your phone and started swiping through pictures. “Look, one year I went as a cat. Oh, this is when I went as a clown- but, like, a sexy clown. Ugh, this one year we walked in the parade with my grandad’s political party and they were going as sewage workers for some reason? I was like, 13. I was so embarrassed.”

“So it’s basically like Halloween except with a parade,” Georgia said, an eyebrow raised.

You shrugged. “Kind of, but don’t let anyone hear you say that. Germans take Fasching very seriously. Oh, and if anyone tries to tell you it’s called Karneval, ignore them. It’s Fasching.”

“Right,” she nodded slowly, arms folded. “I still don’t really get the point.”

“Do Germans really need an excuse to get drunk and party?” you asked with a grin, and the English player laughed. “Nah, I think it’s to do with lent, but no one really cares about the origins.”

“Oh, like pancake day!” she said, brightening up.

“Oh! Yeah, I guess. I forgot about pancake day,” you shrugged.

“How could you forget about pancake day? It’s the best holiday.”

“English holidays are weird.”

She hummed. “So, what are you going to go as this year?”

You thought for a minute. “I’m not sure yet. Usually it’s something sexy, because if you can’t pick up girls at Fasching when can you, you know?” you said, not meeting Georgia’s eye. You’d had a crush on her since the two of you had met at a party a few months ago. You had hit it off instantly. Since you were half English and had lived there as a child, and she was new in Munich, meeting another English person felt like a breath of fresh air. 

She laughed, cheeks tinged pink. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. What d’you think I should go as?”

“Hmm,” you tapped a finger to your chin, eyeing the footballer. “Well, it depends. Do you want to be hot or funny?” 

Now her cheeks were bright red. “Uh, I dunno,” she said, laughing nervously. 

“Well, we could do a costume together, if you want. That’s a little more fun than just by yourself,” you suggested, and she nodded eagerly. 

------------

By the time Georgia found you at the parade, you’d already had a drink or two and were decidedly on your way to feeling tipsy. 

She saw your costume before she saw you. The two of you had spent a while deliberating on what to wear, going back and forth between ideas, before finally settling on Tom and Jerry. You were going as Jerry (although you felt more like Karen from Mean Girls), wearing a grey dress and mouse ears, and Georgia was wearing a cat onesie, with a nose and whiskers painted on her face. 

Seeing your mouse ears from across the busy street, she hurried over to where you were waiting with your friends. 

“Gee!” you exclaimed when you saw her, pulling her into a hug. “Hi!”

“Hey!” she said, cheeks pink, and nodded to your friends, who were all eyeing her curiously.

“Aha, also sie ist die Fußballerin, in der du schon seit Monaten verknallt bist?” one of your friends said, looking Georgia up and down.

“Klappe!” you said, glaring at her. 

“Was? Sie spricht doch eh kein Deutsch, oder?” the friend asked. 

Georgia wasn’t sure what you and your friends were talking about. All she really picked up was ‘Fußballerin’ and ‘Deutsch’, so she figured it was about her. Feeling awkward, she tapped your arm. 

“Hey, um, I can head out if you want to hang out with your friends a bit,” she suggested, making your heart drop.

“No, no!” you insisted. “They’re being rude. I’d rather hang out with you anyway. I’ve been to plenty of Faschings with them before, this is your first one! Come on, let’s go. Tschüss, Leute.”

Your friends whooped and whistled as you left, making you roll your eyes. 

“Sorry about them. I swear they’re really nice, usually. They’re just protective of me,” you explained. “And I’m sorry about the German - they do speak English, it was rude of them not to.”

“Protective of you? Do they see me as a threat?” Georgia laughed.

You shrugged, cheeks pink, not wanting to say that they knew about your huge crush on the footballer. As you headed into a big square filled with people, you quickly changed the subject.

“Okay, so, rule number 1 of Fasching: bring your own drinks,” you told her, pulling a bottle of premixed juice and vodka out of your bag. “There’s places you can buy them, but they’re always super expensive and watered down.”

Georgia nodded seriously, listening intently. “I’m not really meant to be drinking, but I think I can make an exception today,” she admitted, smiling. “At least, I know a lot of the other girls are. I didn’t bring anything with me, though.”

“That’s okay!” you said brightly. “You can share mine. Rule number 2 is don’t get lost. There’s so many people that it fucks with the phone signal, making it impossible to contact people if you get separated.”

She bit her lip, frowning, and you took her hand in yours. “Just keep holding my hand and we’ll be fine!” you said with a grin. Normally you wouldn’t just take her hand like that, but the drinks you’d had were starting to take some effect, giving you a confidence boost. 

“Okay,” she laughed, blush rising to her cheeks. “Any other rules?”

“Hmm, not that I can think of,” you said, “Just let me know if it’s too much, okay? I know it’s a lot of people.”

You squeezed her hand and she nodded, taking the bottle from you and taking a swig. You cheered her on, and when she gave you the bottle back you took a drink as well, trying not to think about the fact that your lips were where hers had just been. 

“Ready?” you asked, eyes sparkling.

“Ready.” 

-----------

2 hours later, you were well and truly drunk, and Georgia wasn’t far behind you. You had watched the parade for a while before getting bored and wandering around together, giggling about people’s costume choices. After an hour of trying to squeeze through the masses of people, you decided to cut through some back alleys, and had ended up staying in one of them, drinking and talking.

“Usually I don’t really like Fasching,” you admitted, hopping up to sit on a brick wall and swaying slightly, holding out your hands to steady yourself. “Woah.”

“Careful,” Georgia giggled, putting her hands on your waist to help ground you. “Why not?”

“Too many people,” you said, voice slurred, waving a hand towards the noise of the parade, which you could hear streets away. “Too loud.”

“That’s fair,” she nodded. “I don’t really like crowds either.”

“What!” you exclaimed. “Why did you come with me then? I wouldn’t have taken you if I’d known. Fasching is awful if you don’t like crowds.”

“Because you asked me to,” she said simply, smiling at you. “It’s not so bad with you.”

“No?” you asked, blushing. You realised Georgia was stood between your legs, her hands still on your waist from steadying you, making your heart flutter. 

“Nah,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s, I dunno, easier with you.”

You smiled widely at that, taking another drink from the nearly empty bottle to try and hide how hard you were blushing. 

“Hey, what was your friend saying, before?” she asked, wondering whether you were drunk enough to tell her.

“Oh, that,” you said, rolling your eyes, any kind of filter you had gone. “She was asking if you’re the footballer I’ve had a crush on for months.”

You clapped your hands over your mouth when you realised what you’d said. Georgia’s eyebrows were raised, a look of surprise on her face that was quickly replaced by a teasing smile.

“And, am I?” she asked, hands tightening a little on your waist. 

You swallowed, trying to think of something clever to say, but the alcohol was making it hard, especially when all you could really think about was the feeling of her hands on your waist and the fact that she was stood between your legs, close enough to kiss you. 

“Maybe,” you said, biting your lip. 

“Oh, just maybe?” she asked, all the alcohol giving her a boost of confidence. She watched your eyes flit from her eyes to her mouth and back, and leant forward slightly. 

You nodded shakily, heart racing as she leant towards you. She paused just short of your face, giving you space to back away if you wanted to, but you leant in enthusiastically, your lips meeting hers. 

You were a little too enthusiastic, your mouths bumping into each other, making you both giggle and pull away. Georgia was undeterred, and cupped your face with one hand, steadying you, before leaning in to kiss you. 

She tasted sweet, like fruit juice and alcohol, her soft lips perfectly melding against yours. You gasped when her tongue swiped against your bottom lip, and she took the opportunity to kiss you deeper, the hand that was still on your waist moving to your back to pull you closer. You wrapped your arms around her shoulders, jumping when you felt the soft onesie. 

She leant back. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, I just forgot about the onesie,” you admitted with a laugh. “Wasn’t expecting it.”

“You mean, the cat costume isn’t doing it for you?” she asked with a wink, and you wrinkled your nose. 

“I mean, the costume is cute and all, but if I’m honest, I think you’re the one doing it for me. After all, you are the footballer I have a crush on.” you said, making the brunette blush. The painted on nose and whiskers were smudged slightly from your kiss, and you giggled at the sight of her. 

“What?” she asked. “Is there something on my face?”

“Nah,” you shook your head, and pulled her in for another kiss.

[yourstrqly]

★ . . . 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘!, 𝐍𝐃𝐕𝟐𝟏

pairing: nyck de vries x schumacher!reader

the second schumacher kid is trolling the paps with her new, still (seemingly) unknown bf

liked by ginaschumacher, sebastianvettel, yourbff and 50

y/nschumacherpriv break from uni never felt better !!

mickschumacher das letzte Bild? Ernsthaft? 🤢 the last picture? you fr y/n?

y/nschumacherpriv sehe kein Problem damit Zwerg ;) don't see a problem with it dwarf

nyckdevries 🖤

liked by y/nschumacherpriv mickschumacher love you too bro y/nschumacherpriv mick u annoying piece if shit, i'm not sharing nycky w u 🗡 mickschumacher he was mine first hoe nyckdevries girls there's enough of me for both of you lilymhe is there really little man? 🧐 nyckdevries oi alex stop using lily's acc for shitting on other people lilymhe NEVER y/nschumacherpriv #cancelalexalbon2023

daily mail — y/n schumacher and boyfriend passionately kissing in the streets of london once again!

at the beginning of july 2023 the middle child of formula one driver michael schumacher and his wife corinna started to tease the public by hanging out with a brunette man, who's yet to identify even through they're openly affectionate.

mick schumacher has shared in an interview with sky that the family already met the boyfriend and couldn't be more happy as he knew him before his sister dated him and trusted him — the youngest schumacher cheekily added that he hoped for the boyfriend to survive his messy loudmouthed sister.

this presented us with an idea: what if y/n is dating another driver? it could be possible as mick mentioned to knowing him first and being close friends.

as long as y/n and her mysterious man won't share their relationship with the public, we have to sit back and wait in anticipation — maybe they'll slip up in the future when trolling the paparazzi.

caption of the story: nyck came back and is still alive 🙏🏻

y/nschumacherpriv ey ich fahre sehr gut sebby :( ey I'm driving very well sebby sebastianvettel klar y/n . . sure y/n y/nschumacherpriv :((

monaco gossip ; EXCLUSIVE — y/n schumacher and boyfriend nyck de vries put on a loved up display as they're on romantic holiday in monaco

y/n schumacher, second daughter of sports couple corinna and michael schumacher, and her boyfriend nyck de vries put on a loved up display as they're on a romantic holiday in monaco, where de vries has lived when he was an active formula one driver.

the 25 years old student went all out with a chill afternoon date, followed by enjoying the sunny weather outside in the streets of monaco, gently kissing each other and holding hands.

schumacher's younger brother mick had shared that he knew his sisters boyfriend before the now cozy looking couple met — which makes sense as mick and nyck both drove for the prema team in formula two years ago. we come to the conclusion, mick had introduced his teammate to his sister and from there romance blossomed.

de vries, gotten dropped by alpha tauri for daniel riccardo, had announced last month to begin studying at the harvard university where his girlfriend also studies by the way!

y/n schumacher and nyck de vries were something we didn't expect but we surely wish them the best.

liked by pierregasly, ginaschmacher, arthur_leclerc and others

nyckdevries snoepje is a bit sad about the fact that the cat and mouse game has finished and our biggest fan dailmail wasnt the one to uncover us. to quote her at our dinner with the friends: they're a bunch of losers. love you snoepje little candy

oscarpiastri dinner was great, y/n should do a cooking class

y/nschumacherpriv thank you my aussie friend, i'd totally do it (you would be my first student) oscarpiastri i dont need cooking classes y/nschumacherpriv they video of rob and you cooking eggs tells me a different story . . . oscarpiastri :(

y/nschumacherpriv i love you hotstuff

nyckdevries 🖤

y/nschumacherpriv you're so hot 🥵

nyckdevries you're hot too aaaaand we could do some hot stuff ;) y/nschumacherpriv gimme ten mins hotstuff charloslestappen NOT THEM BEING HONRY ON MAIN load more comments

midnighcts my eyes ARE blessed. they're HOT, and STUNNING, simply AMAZING, SHOWSTOPPING

alblondos can't decide if i want to be with her, him or both

mickschumacher still can't believe you chose her over me nyck, I thought what we had was enough 😩

y/nschumacherpriv mick, shut up, I won't share him with you, get that in your small brain nyckdevries i'm sorry bro :( mickschumacher its fine, i'm slowly getting over it y/nschumacherpriv wdym with "i'm sorry"?! there's nothing to be sorry abt 😑 nyckdevries . . . y/nschumacherpriv we're done hendrick mickschumacher i have space for you nycky 🥰 ginaschumacher idiots. all of you are idiots

hamiltonslegend the schumacher siblings >>>>>

rina's masterlist ; i really enjoyed writing this and I miss the little man (who's a cm bigger than me but idc he's a smol bean !!)

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Till's poem...and why it moved me a lot...

posted on Till Lindemann IG 2024-08-07.

Jegliches hat seine Zeit

Hier steh ich nun, bin sehr bereit

nichts kann mich vom Gehen halten

die Vergangenheit wirft Falten

besser später als zu spät

wenn es leider nicht mehr geht

man sollte Hut und Mantel greifen

in die weite Welt ausschweifen

neue Aussicht, weg vom Alten

nach neuen Ufern Ausschau halten

beschmiert mit Schuld verblasst in Sühne

brauch neue Farben neue Bühnen

um Verständnis bitt ich nicht

brauch auch kein anderes Gericht

das Urteil stand schon fest am Tag

bevor man mich zur Nacht befragt

einzig Licht da in der Not

Fackeln wie in „ROSENROT“*

Wort und Stimmung unterkühlt

noch nie so einsam mich gefühlt

liegt das Leben erst in Scherben

weiter weiter ins Verderben

Der Wald verbrannt

Nichts mehr zu roden

doch Asche ist der beste Boden

hoffnungsvoll aus ihr zu steigen

voller Dank mich hier verneigen

so fällt es gar nicht leicht zu gehen

die Zeit mit Euch war wirklich schön.

In Liebe und Respekt

Till

*Musikvideo Rammstein

--‐---‐---------------------------

It has already been posted on Tumblr, and i considered commenting on that, but decided not to, so as not to offend or aggravate anyone with my personal opinion on it, because I have on occassion been critical or at the very least hesitant about Till and Till's behaviour in the last couple of years (starting already from 2019)

When the allegations happened and in the year since then, i was on occasion doubtful when i saw Till referring to it as "it will blow over", feeling maybe his usual 'fuck it all' attitude was a bit misplaced because it wasn't just him who was involved, but the others in the band as well, feeling maybe he didn't care that much about that aspect of it all.

I love Till's poetry, maybe even more than some of his songs, he is such a born poet, can describe feelings, emotions, situations with such raw, well chosen words. Not needing pages and pages of flowery words, but exactly enough to get to the core, to the heart of things. I love that he is wellread, uses many reference from the classics, from German history, German literature etc.

But this, this is more...

this to me is really Till opening up. Straight from his heart, no metaphores, no alter-persona, this is him about himself. How he has been hurt by it all, how much it brought him down, how unfair he felt treated, without throwing accusations back at his accusers. How cold and lonely it has been, even though we know he always has people around him, always travelling with friends, i can't help but feel the coldness was also felt within the six-men-marriage Rammstein itself, at least for a while. Towards the end of the poem he sounds hopeful, growing again from the ashes, grateful.

How to interpret the last two lines "It's really not easy to go, the time with you was really beautiful"; is he saying goodbye? To us? To Rammstein? To the stadiumtour-years with all it's ups and downs? To his old lifestyle? I don't know. The latest post on Rammstein official makes me hopeful it is not Rammstein at least. Maybe we'll hear more soon, maybe we won't. We can only wait and see.

I hope he has someone with him, a friend, family, someone who really loves him for himself. And i hope he is okay ❤️

[schnitzelsemmerl]

(this post is best viewed in light mode!!)

My intro post!! 🌈🌈

hallihallo! :3 my name's Cher (Cherilyn if you feel silly) 🍒 or Andrey and you can call me whatever (nicknames, etc. I LOVE NICKNAMES 💗). im 🇦🇹🇧🇦 btw. and can you tell i like schnitzelsemmerl (ohne salat 🥬 ist ein schnitzelsemmerl kein gutes schnitzelsemmerl btw ‼️😒😒 /lh)

fun 🎊 fact: Cherilyn is hella 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 </3

"say "hiya", ezra lamb!" "hiya, ezra lamb"

🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬🥬

I'M ✨️⚠️A MINOR⚠️✨️ and i use any pronouns but if you call me a boy i will kiss you on the fucking mouth :3 my gender is weird but so am i

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

this pretty much is a blog about musicals and my interests, but i'm mostly being 🎊silly🎊 and a sigma 🤩😼 with the mutuals™️ on here for now (this post may appear organized (why am i lying it doesnt), but in reality i am a trainwreck :3 ) i'm very online, so yea. talk to me please :33

💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

fandom list: musicals (hamilton, rtc, SIX THE MUSICAL MY BELOVED <33 , etc.); hetalia <3; history, especially tudor dynasty and amrev/french revolution (idk if that counts as fandom); лолофд (this is a russian minecraft my friend and online father figure @frownce showed me don't go there it's deadly); the hellaverse/HH/HB, titanic (1997)

list of silly characters i like (idea totally not stolen): peggy schuyler, misha bachinskyi, france/francis bonnefoy, hera (i know she only appears for 20 seconds in one song AJFJFJFJGJF), niffty, moxxie and millie, jane grey, boleyn, towelie (bro he's funny 😭😭), heather mcnamara, karen smith, buffy gilmore and cindy campbell, etc etc

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

the online family <3

my ao3!!

trust me on this and click :3 (it's ✨️fanart✨️)

Under the cut are just random things :3 🍭🍭

apparently, i am:

THE mother <3™️

George Washington Insanity™️

Peggy Schuyler's husband :3

alpha & sigma male

an honorary 'murican 🇺🇲

president (2024 - forever and ever and ever)

local schnitzelsemmerl but i am not local

Bernd das Brot (real)

Akkordeonspieler /j i don't actually play the squeeze keys 🤭‼️

mentally unstable bbg

emmy's annoying younger gen alpha brother

💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸💸

taken anons that are taken: 👻🏳️‍⚧️ !!

previous usernames: @iiamly0

@cher-takes-the-l

@spac3agebachelorman

@andreyyayy

so if you know any of those users but cant find the blog anymore, hihihi ! hello !!!! that's me!! hiiiii :3

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

a carrd i spent wayyyyy too much time making

🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊🎊

have a nice day!! :D (this is a threat)

PEGGY JUMPSCARE <3

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

wait can u pls do modern bill x teen daughter reader where she comes out to him as lesbian i need it to cure my daddy issues 😭😭 🫶🏻🫶🏻

(Hello! Sure I can! Enjoy and I hope these help those daddy issues because fuck do we need all the help.)

Taglist

Dad!Bill Kaulitz x Lesbian!Daughter!Reader

Honestly, his gaydar was always going off with you

He never really said anything as he didn't mind it

You would come to him if you were and when you were ready

If not, he'll be fine and he'll silently support you till you are ready

But somewhere along the years it got pushed back in his mind as he was just focused on loving and raising you

He did a great job, btw

There were little signs always when you were growing up that would remind him but other than that, you were a regular kid

When you got older, you obviously worried about what your dad would think if you ever did come out to him

But it was some of a comfort at times because you're dad always said he loved and supported you, and always made sure you knew

And plus, he was interested in anyone, no matter gender so that probably helped you a little bit but you were still nervous

When you started getting into dating or liking people he would be watching from afar with sly smiles when you guys went out and he caught you "secretly" looking at pretty girls

Or if you ever had girl friends at school he would always wonder if you liked them or they liked you

He had good senses like that let me tell you

He never brought it up though, because he knew what it was like to not know or to be confused on how you were even feeling

And when you did figure it out, the dread of telling your dad and the worry he would see you different was sorta there

When you finally did muster up the courage to tell him he wasn't phased at all

"Oh, okay."

"Bist du damit einverstanden?"

Translation: "You're- you're okay with it?"

"Du hast deine beste Freundin in der dritten Klasse deine Frau genannt. Was kein Geheimnis."

Translation: "You called your best friend in third grade your wife... wasn't a secret."

Even after you told him he finally took it as a que to get you a date

His friends or people he met had a daughter your age?

"(Name)!"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"So, I met a guy who has a daughter and there is no chance that girl is straight so-"

"Dad!"

"What? You need all the help you can get, babe."

"..."

He's talking you up and hyping you up to ask a girl out also if you ever told him about a crush

Don't doubt your dad, man

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@billsjum6ie @bigbootahjudy @dead-tapes

@ilovebill-and-gustav @r3dheadedw0rld @kiwitsune @V4mpyboyy @novaaisstupid @billybabeskaulitz @yas-v @iischafer @dilfverz @ahswhore0

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Dave Maass and Patrick Lay’s “Death Strikes: The Emperor of Atlantis”

Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!

"The Emperor of Atlantis," is an opera written by two Nazi concentration camp inmates, the librettist Peter Kien and the composer Viktor Ullmann, while they were interned in Terezin, a show-camp in Czechoslovakia that housed numerous Jewish artists, who were encouraged to make and display their work as a way of proving to the rest of the world that Nazi camps were humane places.

Of course, it was all a sham. Like nearly all of Terezin's inmates, Kein and Ullmann were eventually shipped to Auschwitz to be murdered. "The Emperor" was never performed during their life, but the manuscript, written on scrounged paper (including the backs of other inmates Auschwitz transfer papers) survived.

In the decades since, "The Emperor" has been mounted a few times, with varying degrees of faithfulness. But those live performances were limited to the people who could attend them during their limited run. Now, a new graphic novel called Death Strikes: The Emperor of Atlantis, brings the work to us all:

https://www.darkhorse.com/Blog/3726/berger-books-and-dark-horse-comics-present-death-s

Death Strikes was adapted by my EFF colleague Dave Maass, an investigator and muckraker and brilliant writer, who teamed up with illustrator Patrick Lay and character designer Ezra Rose (who worked from the Kein and Ullmann's original designs, which survived along with the score and libretto).

The tale is set in the mythical kingdom of Atlantis, where the reclusive emperor has been holed up in an armored tower for decades, directing a forever war, greeting each battlefield report with fresh orders, all the while carefully scheming to maintain his grip on power by prolonging the war footing among his people.

But the Emperor has a problem: he's won the war. Every enemy has fallen. Without endless war, his system of social control will shrivel and he will be vulnerable to his people. So the Emperor declares a new war of all against all, announcing that it is every citizen's duty to make war on their neighbors. Problem solved!

But the Emperor goes too far. In announcing his new war, he directs his messengers – drum-beating automata who march through the streets of Atlantic rapping out his edicts – to claim that Death himself has blessed this new war, and "when the final drum sounds, our old friend DEATH, our flag-bearer, will raise his sword in salute to our great future!"

For Death – a swordbearing skeleton in a soldier's greatcoat and shako – this is too much. The Emperor's endless wars have already tried Death's patience. Death brings mercy, not vengeance, and the endless killing has dismayed him. The Emperor's co-option drives him past the brink, and Death declares a strike, breaking his sword and announcing that henceforth, no one will die.

Needless to say, this puts a crimp in the Emperor's all-out war plan. People get shot and stabbed and drowned and poisoned, but they don't die. They just hang around, embarrassingly alive (there's a great comic subplot of the inability of the Emperor's executioners to kill a captured assassin).

The Emperor will not be denied. He embarks upon a war of wills with Death, to see who will give in first. The surreal tale plays out among the people of Atlantis, the living and the undead, as they struggle to fight a war where no one can die. The tale cuts between these people, the Emperor, and Death, who is in company with Life, a sad harlequin who is even more demoralized than Death by the Emperor's long war.

What follows is a tale of revolution and love and hope snatched from despair.

Maass discovered "The Emperor" through a bargain bin CD of "degenerate music" he found in a suburban Best Buy in the 1990s, which was accompanied by illustrations by Art Spiegelman:

https://www.allmusic.com/album/the-music-survives%21-degenerate-music-music-suppressed-by-the-third-reich-mw0000711660

Maass found a six-panel cartoon Kein drew "expressing his frustration with the evolution of his libretto." Over the years, Maass turned this little strip over and over in his head, until he found himself travelling to Prague with Lay, where they were able to handle the surviving manuscript pages. After consulting with experts all over the world, Maass and Lay and their collaborators created this extraordinary graphic novel, updating it, queering it, and lavishly illustrating it.

While this is clearly an adaptation, Kein and Ullmann's spirit of creativity, courage, and bittersweet creative foment shines through. It's a beautiful book, snatched from death itself.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/23/peter-kien-viktor-ullmann/#terezín

[luellasplanet]

glitch. (klara bühl)

word count: 919

based on taylor swift’s song ‘glitch’

in which you express your feelings for klara after weeks of ignoring one another

England vs Germany. Your home vs her home. Your family vs her family. You vs her. You vs the love of your life.

It was supposed to be you and her against the world.

You had been head of heels for Klara ever since she sat down opposite you on the bus. Coming to Germany with the bare minimum of basic german knowledge proved to be quite a challenge, and you struggled to understand what everyone was saying most of the time.

Most of your teammates spoke English pretty well but they all preferred to speak german to one another, often leaving you on the outside of their jokes as they didn’t know how to translate it to English.

You chose to sit alone on the bus, the girls speaking German around you made you realise exactly how bad your knowledge of the language really was.

But there she was, your saving grace.

Offering a helping hand and a smile as she taught you the language, on the bus, before every match.

She opted out of some team bonding sessions to be with you in your apartment, showing you around the city, helping you set up your apartment and teaching you german along the way.

Things had felt different ever since you had gotten back from winning the euros, this time accompanied by your fellow England teammate, Georgia. You were more at home with your childhood best friend by your side.

a slight malfunction

But you missed your other best friend. She had started distancing herself from you shortly after your return from England.

After the final whistle was blown she was instantly in your arms, softly crying into shoulder as you whispered how proud of her you were into her ear.

It was in that moment that Klara realised that she was totally and utterly infatuated with you.

But ever since you had come back to Germany ther was an awkward tension that roamed over the both of you like a dark cloud.

i thought we had no chance

She had barely spoken to you over the last month, even Sydney had tried to make Klara talk to you.

But nothing, the girl basically refused to look you in the eye half the time. Speaking very few words to you at training and only when deemed absolutely necessary.

we were supposed to be just friends

“This is so stupid, can you just talk to me please,” you plead with the girl standing in front of you.

“Please Klara,” you almost whisper as you gently grab her hand, forcing her to look at you.

The two of you were at the farmers market, after about a week of pleading she had finally decided to come out with you.

“I can’t y/n, I’m not good at this whole feelings thing!” She answers without looking directly into your eyes, instead choosing to focus her vision on your hands that were still attached to her wrist. Your eyes widen at the statement, while confusion is evident on your face as you scrunch your eyebrows together, “feelings thing?”

“Just tell me what’s up with you, please,” god you had never heard yourself sound so desperate before, but something had been off for the past month and you couldn’t continue living like it didn’t effect you.

She finally looks up meeting your gaze, you could see her eyes had glossed over slightly but no tears had fallen. “Ich bin in dich verliebt, aber ich war so eine schreckliche Person und eine Freundin für dich. Es tut mir so leid, dass ich dich völlig ignoriert habe, aber ich habe nicht gedacht, dass du genauso fühlst, also wusste ich nicht, was ich tun sollte.” (I’m in love with you, but I’ve been such an awful person and friend to you. I’m so sorry that I completely ignored you but I didn’t think you felt the same way so I didn’t know what to do.)

“Oh kla,” you tell her looking at her face that was filled of regret. “Ich bin in dich verliebt, seit du mir angeboten hast, mir im Bus Deutsch beizubringen. Zuerst war es keine echte Liebe, mehr Anziehungskraft als alles andere, aber nachdem man dich besser kennengelernt hatte, wurde es zu echter Liebe… Klara Bühl Ich bin in dich verliebt.” (I’ve been in love with you ever since you offered to teach me German on the bus. At first it wasn’t real love, more attraction than anything else, but after getting to know you better it became real love… Klara Bühl I am in love with you.)

Finally meeting your gaze, her smile had widen as she interlocked your hands together. Glancing between her eyes and her lips you slowly lean forward waiting for her to react. She learnt forward as well, connecting yours and her lips together.

You had almost forgotten that the two of you were standing in front of an orange stand, smiling against her lips you pull away, while keeping a firm hold on her hands. Relishing in the feeling of her hands entwined in yours.

“Soooo… will you go out on a date with me?” You question, rubbing your thumbs over her knuckles. Far too shy to look up at her.

“Of course I would y/n!” She laughed at your shyness before dragging you by the hand to go look at the flower stands.

[thepictureofjune]

Colin Thewes and the Issue of not Being Able to Kiss his Best Friend.

— how Colin doesn’t know the difference between love and friendship until he does and how that could also mean something entirely different in terms of how he is attracted to people

This is basically just me getting proof for that one headcanon I have. Feel very free to disagree but this is just the way I personally view it because of my own personal feelings about this topic. Thank you very much and let’s unpack it from the start: 

1. The Issue of the Kiss 

So we are introduced to Colin as Julias counterpart, as her best friend and we get to know how deep their friendship runs, how they are able to play parts with each other, be silly with each other, etc. At the heart of their friendship in Season 25 is also them playing roles in the Theater Modul and playing lovers who eventually have to kiss. Julia seems fine with that, she is a born actress but suddenly Colins acting seems to lack, at the prospect of having to kiss his best friend. What’s up with that? The thing is, Colin himself doesn’t seem to know why he has such problems with kissing Julia. Why is kissing such a big deal to him if everyone around him manages to be fine with it? 

Some might now argue that the kissing issue stems from the fact that they actually have some unresolved feelings for each other but! This theory is entirely brought up through Reena who basically tells Colin that the only reason he is afraid of the kiss is because he is in love with his best friend. And he actually denies that.

“Weils ja so unvorstellbar ist, dass man sich in mich verlieben könnte.” Is that some issue with love I hear Colin having? This is probably one of our only signs that even if Colin seems very passionate about love, he is still insecure about it. Perhaps because he has this underlying fear of being unlovable, he ends up constantly falling for people who already love him in a certain way. I mean, Julia is his best friend, so surely she loves him and Noah trusts him and that’s a form of love too, no? Perhaps Colin needs this layer of trust first, the security that someone already knows parts of him before romantic love sets in. 

“Willst du nicht lieber bei deinem 1.Kuss jemanden küssen, in den du wirklich verliebt bist?” Here we get proof that a kiss isn’t just a kiss to Colin. He actually seems to not understand kissing someone just for the sake of kissing and not for the sake of actually loving them. Because to him, it seems like kissing isn’t just something friends do or people at Flaschendrehen have no problem brushing over. To Colin, a kiss seems to mean a million more things and he actually has to be in love first in order to be able to kiss someone. 

2. The Line between Love and Friendship and Colins Unawareness of it

“Keine Schmetterlinge im Bauch. Ich hatte mir den ersten Kuss anders vorgestellt, aber naja.” So Colin actually does have expectations when it comes to love and very stereotypical ones at that. When he thinks of romantic actions, he thinks you’re supposed to have this warm fluttery feeling inside your chest, the butterflies, the heart beats, etc. 

“Was ist, wenn wir uns nicht nur mögen, sondern auch lieben?” - “Bei Freundschaft liebt man sich doch auch.” Colin seems to have a few little issues when it comes to differentiating love and friendship or better, the love he has for his friends versus the love he could possibly have for a romantic partner. How will he know if he actually loves Julia or if that’s just friendship? 

And he doesn’t know until they literally get into a relationship and the issue of acting as a couple arises. 

3. And when romance comes, love ends. 

Their cinema date doesn’t go as planned but it’s kinda destined to fail from the start as Colin watches another couple kiss and be all cuddly and when he looks back at his best friend, or better girlfriend, he can’t picture them like that. And even when he tries to be romantic, it ends up failing because it doesn’t feel right. This is him slowly realizing that perhaps he mixed up romantic love and platonic love because it all felt kinda the same to him in the beginning and surely if Julia loves him like that, he must like her like that too, right?

“Deine Freundin sitzt direkt neben dir. Fällt dir da nichts Romantisches ein?” No. Colin knows plenty about romance, he knows about the butterflies in your stomach and that you should cuddle and kiss on your first date. He knows the starry sky is romantic. Colin doesn’t have an issue with defining what romance is. He has an issue finding something romantic about Julia. 

And it sounds harsh but he has all these expectations about how romance should be and how love should evolve and he feels none of it when he looks at his best friend. Because that’s all she is to him; his best friend. Even when at the start, it seemed so easy to blur the lines between love and friendship, Colin slowly started to realize that what he thought was love, was nothing more than friendship and perhaps the appreciation of being loved. 

4. Enter Noah 

And then Noah comes in Season 26 and everything is different except nothing really is. Colin makes a friend, warms up to a dog and without realizing, ends up falling in love. Because this time we don’t get any second guesses, we don’t get the fear of separation, we don’t get the talking about feelings. No, we get Colin kissing Noah because he feels like it. We get Colin asking Noah to go to the cinema with him and the very next day, he is already asking to go again because this time, the cinema felt right. (Perhaps because he went there with different expectations than when he did with Julia but guys, the underlying message please!)

“Der Kuss hat mir echt was bedeutet” because Colin doesn’t kiss people unless it means something, because he said he would much prefer to kiss someone he actually likes in a romantic way than simply kiss for the fun or the experience of it. 

And Noah makes him see that he does know the difference between romantic love and platonic love, the difference between romance and friendship. 

It’s just a bit hard to tell for him but he got there in the end eventually, with the right person. 

To sum up the points of this piece: 

A kiss is more than just a kiss to Colin

He has a hard time figuring out if he is in love or if it’s just friendship

Because his friendships mean more to him than any romantic relationship ever could 

He has high stereotypical expectations for love

This is all a bit messily written and explained, I apologize for that but all we know about love in relation to Colin is that the two times he could see himself in love was with the people he was closest to at that moment. Even when he goes on that date with the guy from the Challenge thingy it doesn’t end up feeling right because he doesn’t know him yet, because there isn’t the same layer of trust that Colin and Julia have or Colin and Noah. And he gets really hung up on love and how once he is able to tell the difference between romance and friendship, he is actually very unable to go back to just being friends because love does mean this much to him and he brings it up plenty of times because it has this very deep meaning for him. Because Colin doesn’t just fall in love with anyone, he couldn’t even properly fall in love with his best friend even if she was the person he trusted most because that was what love was supposed to be all about, no? About trust and knowing each other and still it doesn’t work out. 

In Conclusion: 

[creative-caramel-coffee]

Exam Anxiety Sickness

Pairings: Weems x Thornhill x Reader (platonic)

Word count: 1.4K

Summary: reader worries about her exam to a point of sickness

TW: extreme anxiety, vomiting,

A/n before any of you say this isn’t possible, I had a friend that used to get anxious to the point they threw up so…. Yeah. Also, for once I’m not projecting, I’m actually doing ok at my exams :)

Standing in your dorm you did up the last button on your school shirt.

“You will be fine. You studied. You studied hard. You will be fine.” You said to yourself, looking into the mirror with a stern expression. But it didn’t help, not really. You still couldn’t stop the fast thoughts. What if you studied the wrong stuff? What if you blank on the easiest questions? What ifs were running wild in your mind. Making your anxious nature their plaything.

You pressed the heels of your palms into your eyes trying to stave off the thoughts, drawing a shaky breath and emitting an even shakier exhale. It worked for a second, but that second was fleeting. And when that second was over the thoughts were back and they were angry.

“It's just botany Y/n” you said looking in the mirror. “It's only 50% of your final grade. You will be ok. You will be ok. Ok? Ok.” You said not really believing any of it. You wrung your hands and took another breath. You were pale from lack of sleep and virtually no time outside as you had spent every hour studying.

You slipped on the mask you wore everywhere, every day, all the time. The calm look on your face did nothing to reflect your inner termoil.

Shoving your hands into the blazer you looked yourself up and down, picking off any lint and grabbed your bag before leaving.

You felt too anxious to eat, the gnawing in your stomach making you feel sick. But you knew if you were hungry in the exam, it would be harder to focus. So, you choked back a few mouthfuls of Mac and cheese in the cafeteria, scraping the rest into the bin and returning the tray before leaving.

Slowly you walked towards the botany classroom. You knew if you didn’t pass this exam your whole future would implode. Gone before it even really started. You wanted to be a Botanist; plants were something that always fascinated you. It ran in your family, gardening. But to get into the course you wanted the expected grade was very, very high. So, you had no margin for error. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nicht. Nine. Keine.

Slowing your pace your stomach flipped something awful. You pressed a hand to your midsection to try and ease the feeling, to no avail. The thoughts pounded in your head, and you felt a migraine coming on. Suddenly your stomach lurched again as the food you had eaten earlier settled in an awkward and awful way.

You felt the blood drain from your face, and you did your best to level your breathing which was coming hard and fast.

Doing your best to stay upright against the efforts of the sudden dizziness you felt you hurried as fast as you could to the nearest bathrooms which just happened to be the ones closest to the conservatory. Pushing the door open with the flat of your palm, your other hand gingerly resting over your stomach as if it would help (it didn’t in the slightest), you rushed into the closest stall trying to get to the toilet in time. dumping your bag on the ground and pitching forwards you heaved, nothing but dry retching at first as you gaged. You felt awful. After nothing happened you drew a deep breath and tried to release it slowly. After a second you let your guard down. Big mistake. In rapid succession things deteriorated.

You gaged again, throwing up properly this time. The small amount of food you had managed coming back up. After you were done you coughed and spat out the foul taste. Sitting back on your hunches where you still knelt infornt of the toilet you felt a hand come and rub your back gently. You startled at the touch, not having heard anyone enter over the sound of you retching.

“Better?” A voice asked and you froze mind working hard to catch up with what was happening.

Marilyn Thornhill, your botany teacher was crouched behind you softly rubbing the small of your back with the flat of her hand.

After an awkward second you unfroze and gave a weak nod. Your brain finally catching up enough to spiral again.

“Sorry I’m … I’m not late for the test …am I?” You asked, turning to face her.

“Oh, honey there’s no way you’re doing that test.” Ms Thornhill said gently. “Can you stand sweatpea?” She asked and you nodded. “Good. Good.” She said. “Ok, you come come honey.” And with that she pulled you up. One hand on your waist to make sure you didn’t fall over. Gently she moved you out of the way, reaching over and flushing the toilet.

“Oh honey.” She said looking back at you. “Are you sick?”

“N-no.” You said fidgeting. She took your hands in hers.

“Honey, don’t lie to me.”

“I-I’m not. I-i just…”

“Just what sweet girl?” And when you didn’t meet her gaze and shook your head she sighed softly.

“Let me take you to the nurse” she said placing a hand on the small of your back and leading you from the bathroom, your bag on her shoulder. “We can do the test another day or just … I’m sure we can come up with something.” She said not taking her eyes off you. Your eyes however stayed trained on the floor as you walked.

Not watching where you were going you felt her grab your arm and stop you. At that you looked up, eyes meeting with the sky-blue eyes of your principal.

“Marilyn, how are you?” Larissa asked before turning to you, her smile faltering as she took in your state. “Y/n? Are you ok?”

Before you could respond your teacher gave you a stern look and spoke before you.

“No. No, she’s not.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, whats the matter? Can i help?” Ms Weems asked.

“I was just accompanying Ms L/n to the nurse before she could run off.” Your teacher said giving you upper arm a soft rub for comfort.

“I wouldn’t ‘run off’” you muttered kicking the dirt, both teachers frowned.

“Whats the matter? If you don’t mind me asking.” The principal asked.

“Im-“

“She threw up.” The botanist cut in before you could say you were fine.

“Oh dear. Well Marilyn I’m sure you have classes, i can escort Y/n myself.” Weems said and the botanist nodded and handed her your bag. They both said their goodbyes and weems took your arm, leading you to the infirmary.

“Ms Weems i assure you this really isn’t necessary.” You began and she shook her head.

“I would hate to find out what you deem ‘necessary’ then y/n” she said, and you scoffed making her raise an eyebrow. “Do enlighten me then.” She said.

“Well i wouldn’t say the results of my test anxiety requires a visit to the infirmary.” You huffed and she stopped dead in her tracks.

“You mean to tell me you were so stressed about your exam … it made you physically sick?” She said looking both shocked and worried. You bit your lip, looking away and nodding.

“Alright.” She said slowly and turned around. “Come.” She said and you frowned and followed.

“Where are we going?”

“My office. It seems you don’t need any more stress right now and the best place would be somewhere quiet and calm. My office luckily fits those descriptors.”

“B-but the test?” You stammered.

“Is no longer of importance darling.” She said and you swallowed and nodded, giving into the stern look she gave you. Almost straight after you lamented, she smiled, her features softening.

“Good. Well, let's go. I can make us some tea or hot chocolate?” She asked.

“Hot chocolate please.” You murmured as she opened the door gesturing for you to go first.

“Coming right up darling.” She said and disappeared as you sat on the couch. She returned a moment later with the drinks. And with that you began to relax. Feeling better by the minute. You made small talk with the principal, enjoying her company immensely.

Meanwhile Larissa was scheming all the ways she could tease Marilyn for stressing her students out to the point it made them sick. As if Marilyn hadn’t been run down with a cold herself the past week due to stress. It seems you stressed each-other out. Maybe she needed to organise some sort of vacation for teachers and students.

MASTERLIST

[frau-heuferscheidt]

Alles was war – ein Blick in den Rückspiegel

Nun sind wir also auf der Zielgeraden. Und damit – und weil es sich zeitlich gerade fast perfekt ausgeht – möchte ich euch heute dazu einladen, auf das vergangene Jahr meines Lebens zurückzuschauen. Etwaige Parallelen dürft ihr danach selbst ziehen. Also, macht es euch bequem, nehmt euch ein paar Snacks – und los geht’s.

Winter 2023

„Das mit uns, das passt einfach nicht mehr.“

Diesen Satz glaube ich am Rosenmontag des vergangenen Jahres aus dem Mund des Mannes zu hören, der mir um 8.15 Uhr in unserem gemeinsamen Wohnzimmer gegenübersitzt. Auf der Couch, die er selbst bezahlt hat, und die er nie leiden konnte, weil lila keine schöne Farbe für ein Sofa ist. Trägt den dunkelblauen Mantel, den wir wenige Monate vorher noch gemeinsam in einem Designer-Outlet kurz hinter der holländischen Grenze gekauft haben. Dazu den unverhältnismäßig teuren Pullover, den wir vierzehn Tage zuvor gemeinsam in München gekauft haben. Auf der äußersten Kante sitzt er, als ob er nur zu Besuch wäre, guckt mich mitleidig an, und ich denke, nein, das kann nicht sein.

Du träumst.

Das hat er gerade nicht zu dir gesagt, der Mann, mit dem du seit sechzehn Jahren zusammen und seit zehn Jahren verheiratet bist. Der noch vor zwei Tagen auf der größten Karnevalsparty der Stadt mitten auf der Tanzfläche eine Knutscherei mit dir angefangen hat, die wir anschließend daheim fortgeführt haben. Und waren wir nicht erst gestern noch gemeinsam auf einem Kindergeburtstag? Nein, so ein Blödsinn, das hier, das passiert hier gerade nicht wirklich. Totaler Bullshit.

Und während ich noch darauf warte, dass dieser absurde Traum endet, fällt schon hinter ihm die Tür ins Schloss. Instinktiv schaue ich auf die Uhr: 8.32 Uhr. Siebzehn Minuten hat er für die Aktion gebraucht. Aha. Na dann.

Eine Stunde später setze ich mich an den Laptop. Homeoffice. Meine beste Freundin fragt an, ob wir später zum Karnevalsumzug wollen. Ich rede mich darauf raus, dass ich heute keine gute Gesellschaft sei.

Am Abend kommt er nach Hause. Ich setzte das Kind vor den Fernseher, folge ihm ins Schlafzimmer, wo er anfängt, eine Tasche zu packen. Ich frage ihn, ob das ein Scherz war. Nein, sagt er, kein Scherz. Er bleibt dabei.

Also koche ich das Abendessen, während er in den Keller zieht. Decke den Tisch, wir essen gemeinsam, räumen anschließend zusammen auf. Er bringt unsere Tochter ins Bett.

Anschließend sitze ich allein auf der Couch, starre meinen Ehering an. Rufe ihn im Keller an, frage, ob das jetzt wirklich meine neue Realität sein soll. Er bejaht. Ich lege auf und telefoniere anschließend zwei Stunden mit meinen Eltern.

Hello Darkness, my old friend, denke ich, als ich ins Bett gehe.

Und nun?

Die vier Wochen darauf sind die schlimmsten meines Lebens. Ich lebe unter einem Dach mit einem Mann, der noch konsequenter als zuvor alles hinter sich stehen und liegen lässt. Wohne einem Gespräch bei, in dem meiner Tochter von ihrem Vater erklärt wird, dass Mama und Papa sich nicht mehr liebhaben. Stimmt nicht, denke ich, nur du hast mich nicht mehr lieb. Ich hab dich lieb, vielleicht lieber, als jemals zuvor, bleibe aber stumm.

Ende März komme ich von einem sehr späten Pressetermin nach Hause, als meine Mutter anruft und mir sagt, dass mein Opa gestorben ist. Sie selbst wird eine Woche später operiert, weil sie wieder Krebs hat. Meiner Schwester steht ebenfalls ein größerer Eingriff bevor. Ja, sonst noch was, du Scheißjahr?

Zwischendurch bleibt mir die Flucht in die Münster-Storyline von Aww. Wenn gar nichts mehr geht, häufig nachts, und ich nicht weiß, wohin mit meinen Gedanken und Gefühlen, schreibe ich die Liebesgeschichte zweier Medizinstudenten auf. Habe Angst vor der Berlin-Timeline, aber die hat ja noch Zeit. Die wird mich schon früh genug einholen, wie ich annehme. Genauso wie mein reales Leben.

Anfang April hat er endlich eine Wohnung, und nach fast sechs Woche, in denen wir im eigenen Haus wie Falschgeld umeinander rumgelaufen sind, werfe ich ihn endgültig raus. Er zieht innerhalb von zwei Stunden aus. Zum Abschluss kommt er noch einmal ins Esszimmer und fragt, ob er den Fernseher – der mir gehört – mitnehmen darf. Ich stehe am Rande einer Existenzkrise.

Und dann ist er weg.

Sommer 2023

„Dein Zimmer ist leer wie die Stadt am Sonntagmorgen“, singen Fettes Brot Anfang Mai in der Halle Münsterland. „Schön wär’s“, raune ich meiner Freundin zu, die neben mir steht, und die lacht. Denn ja – schön wäre es.

„Ich ziehe nicht einfach die Tür hinter mir zu“, hat er gesagt – und dann genau das getan.

Die ersten Monate des Frühlings bis in den frühen Sommer hinein bin ich also damit beschäftigt, hinter ihm her zu räumen. Und was mich zuerst noch nervt, wird bald zu einem absurden Hobby: seine Bachelorarbeit? Scheinbar uninteressant, weg damit. Kaufvertrag unserer ersten Küche? Müll. Hochzeitsbilder? Ciao, ein paar wenige hebe ich für unsere Tochter auf. Ah, schau an, unser Bausparvertrag, den kündige ich doch mal direkt.

Irgendwann bin ich fertig. Kurz vor der Schlüsselübergabe – meine Eltern sind unsere Vermieter – rufe ich ihn an und bitte, mit dem Sprinter aus der Firma zu kommen und den Müll mitzunehmen. Ich hätte da ein wenig aussortiert.

Er kommt, lädt ein. Und schaut mich anschließend mit hochgezogenen Augenbrauen an. „Kommst du mit zur Müllverbrennungsanlage?“ – „Äh? Nein?“ – „Äh, doch? Das ist nicht nur mein Müll? Na gut, denke ich, einfach auch deshalb, weil mir die Kraft für irgendeine Diskussion fehlt. Also gesagt, getan, wir fahren gemeinsam zur Müllpresse. Unsere Tochter sitzt in der Mitte, trägt ihr Prinzessin Elsa Kleid und isst Quarkbällchen. Wenn das hier eine Serie oder ein Film wäre, denke ich, würde ich sofort umschalten.

Und dann fliegt alles, was ich aussortiert habe, in die Müllpresse. Wir reden nicht, wir werfen. Im Gegensatz zu ihm weiß ich, was er da wegschmeißt. Und so fliegen sie, die Kirchenblätter unserer Trauung, die Menükarten, die Reiseunterlagen vergangener Urlaube, die Babyschlafsäcke unserer Tochter, die Steuerunterlagen aus dem Jahr 2010.

Es ist absurd. Und befreiend.

Im Juni fliege ich für eine Woche nach Sardinien, allein mit meiner Tochter. Sitze früh morgens am Gate und frage mich ernsthaft, ob ich vielleicht bescheuert bin. Was ich mir wohl denke, und was sein soll, wenn hier irgendwas schief geht. „Du machst jetzt gar nix. Und da geht auch nix schief. Du steigst jetzt ins Flugzeug, und ihr macht euch eine schöne Woche“, lautet der Rat aus einer bestimmten Chatgruppe, und den befolge ich.

Es soll die beste Woche des gesamten Jahres für meine Tochter und mich werden.

Am Tag unserer Rückkehr verkündet mein Mann, dass er eine neue Freundin hat. Aha, hat sie den Sprung von der Affäre zur Freundin also doch noch geschafft. Interessant. Glückwunsch.

Da ich logischerweise den weiteren Verlauf von Aww kenne, verabschiede ich mich in die Pause. Aus der ich, so denke ich, mit an Sicherheit grenzender Wahrscheinlichkeit nicht noch mal zurückkommen werde.

Herbst 2023

Der Sommer vergeht. Ich verbringe Zeit mit meinem Kind, aber auch mit meinen Freunden, besuche Schützenfeste, Dorfpartys und eine Menge Konzerte. Unsere Tochter wird eingeschult, betretenes Schweigen auf dem Schulhof. „Machen wir noch ein Bild zusammen, als Familie?“ – „Familie. Selten so gelacht. Aber ja, bitte, lass uns ein Foto machen.“

Ich arbeite viel, komme gefühlt zu nichts. Daheim bekomme ich zwei neue Badezimmer. Der Rasen muss gemäht, die Wäsche gewaschen, die Bude geputzt werden. Ich stelle Möbel um, mitten in der Nacht. Und auch sonst läuft mein Leben fantastisch.

Zwischendurch öffne und schließe ich immer wieder die Dateien von Aww. Soll ich? Soll ich nicht? Ich soll, sagen die Reviews und Nachrichten.

Also dann, denke ich. Wer weiß, vielleicht macht es die Sache ja nur noch realistischer und authentischer. Und selbst wenn nicht, macht das Schreiben vielleicht wenigstens den Kopf frei.

Winter 2023/2024

Meine Tochter geht gerne zur Schule, lernt rasch. Ist aufmerksam und empathisch und fröhlich und mein Ausgleich zu allem anderen. Mein Anker, mein Ruhepol. Der Teil meines eigenen Herzens, der auf dem Bürgersteig vor mir herläuft.

Zu Weihnachten bekommt sie von mir das erste Harry Potter Buch, und seitdem verbringen wir gemeinsam eine Menge Zeit in Hogwarts. Wir schauen Filme, kochen und backen. Als ich es an Heiligabend immer noch nicht geschafft habe, die restliche Deko aufzustellen, übernimmt sie das für mich. Sie muss mich nur anschauen und weiß, wie es mir geht. Und sie fragt nicht, sie handelt. Ich versuche, sie vor den meisten Dingen zu bewahren, aber unsere Verbindung ist zu eng dafür. War sie immer schon, aber sie ist noch enger geworden seit der Trennung. Sie erklärt mir in einem Nebensatz, in der allmorgendlichen Hektik, dass sie weiß, dass ich ihre Mama bin. Und keine andere Frau das jemals sein wird. Ich gehe ins Badezimmer, mache die Tür hinter mir zu und heule. Wir kommen deshalb fast zu spät Schule, aber was soll’s.

Nachts schaue ich sie an und frage mich, was und wo ich ohne sie wäre.

Auf dem Weg zum Co-Parenting

Wenn der Mensch, der dir fast 20 Jahre näherstand als jeder andere, einfach geht, nimmt er einen Teil von dir mit. Und dieser Teil ist für immer verloren.

Wir haben uns gestritten, persönlich, am Telefon, per WhatsApp. Rechtsanwälte wurden eingeschaltet, Unterhaltszahlungen berechnet. Es gab Schuldzuweisungen, Beschimpfungen, Vorwürfe.

Aber, das alles – zu jeder Zeit – außerhalb der Kinderohren. Verabschiedung im Flur unseres ehemals gemeinsamen Hauses, ich wünsche ihr viel Spaß mit dem Papa, obwohl ich genau weiß, dass sie heute Abend bei einer mir völlig fremden Frau übernachten wird. Die ihr die Nägel lackieren und Zöpfe flechten und sie am nächsten Tag vielleicht sogar zur Schule bringen wird. Mit diesen Gedanken im Hinterkopf beiße ich die Zähne zusammen, und kaum, dass die Haustür hinter ihr und ihrem Vater ins Schloss gefallen ist, greife ich zu meinem Handy und nehme eine wütende Sprachnachricht auf. Acht Minuten lang, voller Beschimpfungen, für meine beste Freundin.

Dennoch – das Kind gehört nicht zwischen die Fronten. Sie darf bei der neuen Freundin ihres Vaters reiten? Prima, viel Spaß. Sie bringt Sachen mit, die sie dort gebastelt hat? Na, das hast du aber toll gemacht. Danke dafür. Mein Ego leidet, natürlich. Aber das ist mein Problem. Ich möchte ein glückliches Kind, und keine Feindbilder erschaffen. Koste es, was es wolle.

Die erste Zeit war schwierig. Oft war er nicht verfügbar, mit allen möglichen anderen Dingen beschäftigt, die plötzlich wichtiger waren als sein Kind.

Aber, heute, ein Jahr später, ist es okay. Noch nicht gut, aber so wenig er am Anfang da war, so sehr ist er es jetzt. Er ist und bleibt ein guter Vater.

Wir schaffen es mittlerweile, uns auf einer neutralen Ebene zu begegnen – mit kleinen Ausreißern. Manchmal ruft er an, weil er mir etwas erzählen möchte, was nur ich verstehe. Weihnachten klagt er über seine anstrengende Familie, ich weise darauf hin, dass ich mit den Leuten nichts mehr zu tun habe. Er lacht und sagt, dass er mich beneidet.

Wir lieben uns nicht mehr, nicht im klassischen Sinne.

Und trotzdem habe ich noch ein Zitat für euch, was euch – sehr ähnlich oder genauso – in der nächsten Zeit noch einmal begegnen wird: „Ich werde immer sauer auf ihn sein. Aber er ist der Vater meines Kindes.“

Will sagen – diese Verbindung, die werden wir nicht verlieren. Nicht, solange wir beide leben, ganz egal, wie alt unsere Tochter ist.

Diese Verbindung ist sehr speziell und mit keiner anderen zu vergleichen.

Und lieben, lieben werden wir uns auch immer, auf irgendeiner Ebene. Weil wir für immer eine besondere Position haben werden für den jeweils anderen – egal, wie oft wir übereinander schimpfen oder sauer sind.

Danke

Das vergangene Jahr war eine Reise. Vor allem zurück zu mir selbst.

Mein ständiger Begleiter: Aww – und ihr.

Diese Reise wird nun also innerhalb der nächsten Wochen zu Ende gehen – und ich möchte euch danken.

Für jedes Review, jede Diskussion, jeden Shitstorm, jede Nachricht.

Dafür, dass ihr diese selbsterfüllende Prophezeiung genauso liebt und hasst wie ich.

Dafür, dass ihr nicht nur Team Klako, Team Joko oder Klaas seid, sondern auch Team Jens und Team Amelie. Oder auch schon mal Team Thomas Schmitt.

Danke für die ungebrochene Liebe, die ihr dieser Fanfiction entgegenbringt, und die mich niemals nicht verlegen machen wird.

Danke.

Wir lesen uns.

[chevvy-yates]

OC INTERVIEW

got tagged by @alphanight-vp. Thank you sm 🤍

As I got four boys I will only pick Ryder for now, as I assume he's the secret crowd favorite. If it happens I get tagged again I'll pick another as I do not have the energy to do all four atm.

—

Decided to let Ry answer. All in italic is what he thinks for himself as further answers as he usually doesn't like these sort of rather boring and timewasting questioning and even more so doesn't tell that to strangers. So it's not a must to let the oc speak but I felt like doing it for this one. It's just Ryder thinks a lot for himself especially with strangers. He holds back his true wants and interests very often and only gives harsh answers to them that don't tell much about him.

—

///_NAME?

"You scanned me, right? It says 'Ryder' — and that is how you are allowed to call me. No last name, Just Ryder. Is all you need to know." — I'm a fucking von Scharfenberg, some high royal German Corpo. If I would spit that into your face you would probably only laugh and your answer would be "This is a joke right?". Kein Scherz, I'm the son of the CEO of Militech. The useless boy who disappeard several years ago. I had reasons enough to leave this shitty live.

///_NICKNAME?

"You are a rando so for you I am still 'Ryder', ist das klar?" — My nickname is 'Ry' but I only allow my closest friends and loved ones to call me like that. Thyjs calls me 'snoep' and I think that sounds beautiful. He only says it when we are just for us. So ein Süßi.

///_GENDER?

"Cis male."

///_STAR_SIGN?

"It spans 210–240° ecliptic longitude under the constellation of Scorpius, so it's Scorpio." — Sometimes though I feel like a cancer in a leather jacket rather than a true Scorpio.

///_HEIGHT?

"I'm 1,88m tall. Translate it to inches, feet or whatever you count in by yourself." — Why can't this world have a consistent meassurement system? Geht mir so auf die Nüsse! Apple hat's doch auch vor gefühlt 50 Jahren geschafft Thunderbolt dem USB-C Standard anzupassen und heut' gibts das nicht mal mehr!

///_ORIENTATION?

"Gay. Top only."

///_FAVORITE_FRUIT?

"I rarely eat fruits. They are expensive as fuck these days."

///_FAVORITE_SEASON?

"Clearly Fall. I like the wet rainy air way more than hot sweaty summers."

///_FAVORITE_FLOWER?

There we go— the standard questions are popping up once again. Wieso jetzt Blumen? This is getting lame. — "I always forget the name. Ask Thyjs, not me. He knows it for sure. It's pretty. Dark purple is all I can remember."

///_FAVORITE_SCENT?

"The smell of a thick dark and green German forest. Cedarwood, moss and earthy scents. That paired with rain? Beste!" — I miss that a lot. — "If you want to know a fragrance instead: Aramis. Its notes? Like the way I'm smelling for you right now minuse the cigarette smoke." — I see you start sweating. Unübersehbar. Aramis never fails.

//_COFFEE_OR_TEA?

TEE? — "Brudi, Tee kommt mir gar nicht in die Tüte! Give me a fucking beer! Faust. Astra. Or a Tannenzäpfle. Man, I even take your lousy American beer or a Heinaken if I have to but please — no fucking tea!" — Coffee in the morning is alright though and gets me going.

///_AVERAGE_HOURS_OF_SLEEP?

"Man, why always these lame questions? Fucking hell. I do not track my sleep. If I sleep, I fucking sleep! If it's 4 or 8 hours – I do not care!" — To be honest, I rarely got a good sleep – not before Thyjs came into my life as he distracts me a lot. I mean if I found sleep, i slept, but there's been a time I slept like two hours and I needed booster meds to stay awake. Beast pounds almost 24/7 in my head — try find some sleep with it. almost impossible …

///_DOG_OR_CAT_PERSON?

-Sighs rather agressively- These questions are getting on my nerves. — "Dogs."

///_DREAM_TRIP?

SEH ICH SO AUS ALS WÜRD ICH DAS NEM RANDO WIE DIR MITTEILEN WOLLEN!? -tries to stay calm- — "Just be somewhere alone with my soldier visiting several spots in Europe. Where is none of your business." — I would love to show Thyjs where I've grown up and played as a kid. Back then life was easy and carefree. I would love to see Amsterdam. Love to travel up to Sweden or Norway and see the Aurora Borealis, have a great look at the stars as Night City's massive lighting during the night blocks nearly ever star up there. I miss Berlin and the clubbing there. Want to go back and lay down onto the old tarmac at Tempelhof. Explore old ruins along the Rhein and I want to do it all with my soldier.

///_FAVORITE_FICTIONAL_CHARACTER?

"None. Don't read. Not much of a tv or movie fan either." — I wasn't allowed to read or watch anything that has to do with 'fandom' as it was only distraction and nonsense. I was told TV programs are there to keep people dumb and busy from looking away from what happens in the world and from edjucating themselves. But once I met V and he did his 80s retro movie nights I liked Indiana Jones a lot.

///_NUMBER_OF_BLANKET_YOU_SLEEP_WITH?

"Next question!" — Only one blanket and Thyjs in between. At least for a bit because we separate fast as the heat, our bodies emmit, becomes too much waking us up all the time. But I love to fall asleep with him this way. He calms me and it's like he pushes Beast into a corner, silences it for a while just by his presnece. No one else is able to do that.

///_RANDOM_FACT?

"What would you do if I told you I am a cyberpsycho?" — -stares at you with a steady gaze and bared teeth- Now, pack your things an go before it gets worse. I'm holding back already.

—

tagging:

@imaginarycyberpunk2023, @elvenbeard, @morganlefaye79, @ouroboros-hideout, @aggravateddurian, @dreamskug, @wraithsoutlaws, @gloryride @cherryrockpops and @streetkid-named-desire

as always not a must and idk if u been tagged already or not, but feel free to do anytime, especially if you got more blorbos than one!

[stilonreyna]

Reyna Enedina Escobar-19yo-Angel-Shadowhunter

Resident - Alicante, Spain. Daughter from - Darió Escobar & Alexandra Mendoza                             Sister of - Emilio, Rafael, Ashton, Charisma, Sierra & Aurora Escobar.                             (Niec)e of - Rouven, Rafael & Ana Mendoza.                             Lovelanguage - Song Lyrics & Bad Quotes.                        Unpopular opinion - Crystals work.                             Tattooed & Pierced.                             it's me hi i'm the problem it's me.                           Baby ist am grinden, Baby grind on my. I don't wanna know. If you playen me keep it on a low.                            Love yourself and your expression, you can’t go wrong.                          I’m a hustler, baby; I sell water to a well!                          Break your heart i feel alive.                          Und sie fliegt wie ein Schmetterling.                          Du bist Zart, ja ich mag, deine Art, wie du bist, wie du lachst, wie du strahlst, kein scheiß Egoist.

I wanna be a mushroom men, living in a little mushroom house with my little mushroom wife and next door is a frog and we are best friends and I will finally happy!!!!

Wire - @stilonreyna Part of @theturnerfamily ←→ @desalvo

Yakary<3