#it's made me so much happier and has genuinely changed my life for the better 🥲🥲

[verosvault]

I think something that's SO INSANE and honestly explains why I love Dimension20 so much and how it's so different than any other show I've ever seen is that...

Dimension20 manages to CAPTURE GENUINE JOY ON CAMERA!!! It's NOT fake! It's NOT scripted! It's not a joy that has been rehearsed and re-shot multiple times!! It is ACTUAL, TRUE, GENUINE JOY!!!

Something that normal TV shows just CAN'T provide for me??? I'm not saying scripted shows are BAD! That's not at ALL what I'm saying! A majority of them are really good!

But watching Dimension20 and seeing GENUINE expression on the faces of these people! And knowing that everyone there is having a GREAT time and just ENJOYING themselves doing what they're doing! It's- It's a feeling that I can't really wrap my mind/head around and explain to people???

I feel thee MOST happy when I get to watch TRUE moments of happiness and joy that happen with the people that decide to sit at this big table, under this big dome, and have just- the time of their Life!

And even though most of D20 is pre-recorded, I'll feel like I'm at the table with them because I'm expressing genuine feelings along with everyone else! 😆😆

[spaceratprodigy]

🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉

Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤

I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕

Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links

[starryinkart]

Hey everyone! Its the final 50 minutes of the moments before the premiere so I wanted to post this in tribute to an awesome show that has completely started to change my life!

Back in 2021-2022, I had gotten the Pilot of the show on my FYP SOOOOO many times I can't even count it anymore, and I was SO busy with the Dream SMP, and the stress of trying to completely put art behind me as a potential career due to family abuse that I felt so numb in life. I had been forced into things for money by my caretakers and they only saw my art as a way they could leach off of me and make money, so I was in a state of depression and freeze mode!

Then at the beginning of 2023 I finally caved in and watched pilot, and I was in love with the show the characters, the world! Then I watched Episode 2 and 3 and fell even more in love! I started to draw again and I started to get out of that depression! I started to make friends, join projects, become creative again and be genuinely happier! I moved away from toxic family, and harnessed my creativity instead of them crapping on it and trying to keep me trapped. I made Murder Drones Absolutely, Murder Drones Totality and now Absolutely is getting a series (all which Im still going to to be working on)! I've learned and improved on my art so much and became better and happier as a person!

I have a feeling this show changed the trajectory of my life in so many ways that I can't even understand yet, and I know it sounds cheesy, but thankyou for being that change to I needed Murder Drones, and thankyou to Liam Vickers and Glitch Productions for making this awesome show!

To the future of indie animation everybody! <3

~ Starry

[wisecrackingeric-2]

LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

[evelynpr]

bakugou for the character ask game?

Truly the teenage boy, shonen deuteragonist, love interest coded, gay asshole, of all time.

My first impression - Woah I did not understand why people were so into this guy. Like I get it, he's a flawed and loud pretty boy, he gets character development, and probably gay, but seriously him??? His mouth is so fucking foul and he is so up his ass. - I was meh with this character, enjoyed him in fan content, but just did not get why people were sooo into this guy.

My impression now - I cried in "Light Fades To Rain". Twice. - My god his growth...his will, his persistence, and by god his love for Izuku is so ridiculous and powerful I just cannot help but admire the little shithead. - He is also a lot more to me than I expected, with the whole "foul mouth shit", "high expectations bullshit", "violent urges", and "dedicating your whole life and love to someone you love and admire" and that...that makes me feel quite conflicted.

Favorite thing about that character - The thing about Bakugou is that...you just cannot help but wish you had the same kind of persistence, strength, will, and power that he does. I love how all this is initially so shallow and selfish, then grows to wanting to be a better and truer hero. He really learns and changes and is just an unstoppable force of nature, it's genuinely incredible and beautiful to watch.

Least favorite thing - I wished that the overall writing did go harder in making him stop bad-mouthing people and...everything so much. You can tell he did grow to respect and care for people around him more, but by gods he is sooo bad at communicating his feelings right now. (tbf, he is so fucking young and traumatized) - Also, really please stop hitting people. I get a knee-jerk reaction to that kind of physical violence sometimes ngl.

Favorite line/scene - There are so many. I already mentioned his death in "Light Fades to Rain" so I'll mention a different one - Team Bakugou in Class A vs B was so goddamn good, for being a monumental milestone of his character. How much he trusted his teammates and put himself in danger to save others, winning in the end. No injuries, no failures, truly a perfect beautiful victory. How he also pushes Deku to keep getting better afterwards in his usual constipated-ass language too. Man I just love that battle to death.

Favorite interaction that character has with another - (me pulling out scenes that aren't bkdk centered here hahaha) - I fucking LOVED the Bakugou vs Ochako fight. It made me love Ochako so so much as a kid. I really wished we had a follow-up to that battle, and it genuinely changed my life. - I love how it really shows just how focused and rational he is in battle. How he truly respects his opponents, Ochako in this case, and the sports festival really establishes so much about him.

A character that I wish that character would interact with more - Speaking of which...OCHAKO VS BAKUGO 2 COME ONNNN - There is SO MUCH these two need to talk about. How to save people, who they want to save, who saved them, never underestimating each other, how they changed and grew. I just love these two characters to bits, that's why I need them to FIGHT AND TALK SO BADDDD - Additional: Also Toga (see my post on Toga right before this one lmao), Shoto (because I still don't really get their friendship but its hilarious, and I love Shoto)

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - I legit cannot think of anything here...like for Toga...I am so sorry my brain is blanking T__T - It's hard to be a massive anger-issue filled, victory-focused, die for their lover (twice), amazing chef, all at once, kinda guy...you know?

A headcanon about that character - I am a believer in trans!fem Bakugo in the future. He's so ridiculously angry for some reason, voice always cracking, and just on-edge for some reason. Idk I just think its hilarious and satisfying if he transed his gender in the future and became happier and more comfortable.

A song that reminds of that character - I also have a Bkdk playlist in the making! Here's some bkg focused songs in character development order: - Boys will be Bugs, President Perfect, Top of my School, Oh No!, I'm Gonna Win, The Last of the Real Ones, Skyfall, Die For You, Set Fire to the Rain

An unpopular opinion about that character - Like Toga, he actually isn't possessive. I think he quite well understands and accepts that Izuku is a very loving person that many people are easily drawn to (I mean, he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't understand that). - He is protective instead of possessive. He keeps an eye out for anything and anyone who could possibly actually hurt Izuku, but he doesn't hold him back at all in hanging around with others, and when other people fall for Izuku either. - He is actually quite skinny, and doesn't have the big thick buff guy build. Those go to Izuku and Iida more imo.

Favorite picture - I never really thought of this much??? I love art of him being softer, more solemn, quiet and contemplative even. I guess I'll go pick out some favs right now...

Here they are! Hope you enjoy the post lmao

[breathing-the-same-air]

How has Our Flag Means Death changed your life?

I have to admit I'm quite late to the party - I only found out about OFMD in September this year. Just in time to binge-watch season 1 and 2 and watch the last three episodes of s2 live.

I used to be a big reader and I also watched a lot of TV, but the past years have been tough, and busy with so many things, that my general approach is 'I don't have time for this'. And then I scrolled through Tumblr and saw a picture of Ed and Stede. I have no idea what happened next.

There was something that called me, that told me I had to watch this show, and so I did. 10 mins into the first episode I was already in love with it. The huge message about Kindness and Inclusion that was spread there resonated so deeply within my heart that I just knew I would stick to the end.

I would stay in bed watching OFMD until late at night, I'd wake up at 5 am and dive into Tumblr before work. Did this completely mess up my life? Yes. And it was such a blessing.

I used to be so very insecure about myself. OMFD came and just wiped it all away. The great thing is that it's not something explicit or straightforward - there is a magic in this show that touches a part of your soul that you didn't even know existed, heals a pain you were not even aware of, and it changes you. I came out of it being so much more confident, and most importantly, happier. I used to hate my face, my voice, and I'd always be so hard on myself. Now I genuinely feel that I am who I am, and that is okay. This show has inspired me to be a better person, it gave me something wonderful to fight for, and a found family that I couldn't have dreamed of.

I've been in fandoms before, and I've never seen one so healthy as this. Everyone is trying to help one another, there are not endless arguments or hate being thrown everywhere, we are so united, someone takes the lead and we all immediately follow and make miracles happen... Just as a Crew.

I'm so thankful to y'all crazy people! Cast, producers, fandom... You're genuinely the best! Because of you, because of this show, I finally feel that there is hope to be found that the world can become a better place, that this can be the start of something huge, I honestly believe this is a unique phenomenon and it has made history... We are making history at every step. We are creating a new world of kindness and diversity where we can all just be who we are and have fun and just - be happy!

I adore you all, wonderful Souls ❤️🥰

[dawn-sunlight]

A New Way To Go Analysis

I believe A New Way To Go is the best Lion Guard song because absolutely everyone brought their A game while making it. The visuals are amazing, the tune is catchy, but I think the best thing about the song is how well it illustrates exactly what's going through Janja's head. There's so much character work you can glean from the song and that's what's so good about it.

“Why am I so confused?  It all used to be so simple.” - Jasiri has completely upset the status quo for Janja; she doesn’t fit in his worldview because she’s a strong, capable hyena who follows the Circle of Life, is friends with a lion(the leader of the Lion Guard no less), and has saved him from death twice now despite being on the opposite side as him, and he can’t ignore his growing feeling that maybe everything he’s known all his life is actually wrong. He didn’t know there was another way, he genuinely thought he had to act like this, but now that Jasiri has offered him another way, he can’t get himself to just forget about it and carry on like normal.

“What changed?  Think!” - He didn’t used to have these doubts, and he’s trying to figure out what’s different now.  He’s trying to figure out and understand what has changed significantly enough to make him question his life and his beliefs like this.

“Jasiri doesn’t fear me she’s been saving my hide!” - He wants to be seen as this tough and intimidating figure, and at first it bugs him that Jasiri isn’t intimidated by him as seen in Never Judge a Hyena by It’s Spots, but now it just confuses him.  And on top of that, she saves him, not just once but twice, despite being on the opposite side as him.

“I know she buys the whole ‘Circle of Life’” - The choice of words here(he says Jasiri “buys” the concept rather than she follows it or respects it or something like that) implies that Janja thought the concept was literally made up and not real, which I do believe is a different case than someone who knows the concept is real and still decides they want more than their fair share.

“I mean, Si Si Ni Sawa’s kinda catchy all right.” - He’s trying to justify to himself why he’s been thinking about what Jasiri said so much.  Also, this song confirms he saw at least the last verse of Si Si Ni Sawa because 1. He knows the chorus to the song despite having never having been sung it, 2. He knows Jasiri sung it to Kion, and 3. He imitates the thing Kion and Jasiri did at the end of the song in his last verse of the chorus.

“He’d never give me something a hyena couldn’t handle, would he?” - Janja's trying really hard to rationalize Scar's behavior and treatment of him and his clan, but his faith in Scar is starting to waver. In the visuals, we see Scar with his master plan, and then we see Janja, Cheezi, and Chungu holding the ground up for him because they’re doing the heavy lifting for Scar.  But when Janja asks “would he?” indicating that he no longer has complete and total faith in Scar, the whole thing crashes down.

This shot right here is beautiful, it really just sums up the whole song in one singular frame.

“‘Si si ni sawa’ means ‘we’re the same’” “Oh no!  It set something off inside my brain!” - Janja hates that Jasiri’s words make sense to him, and he hates that they’re resonating with him even more.

“She says I can trust her but I don’t know, could there really be a new way to go?” - Janja genuinely doesn’t know any better and that’s why he acts the way he does.

“It’s like I’d rather be happy then scrapping for food or respect ugh what’s happening?” - I think this is the line that gets me the most because it shows that Janja never considered his own feelings on things to be more important or even of equal importance than living up to expectations, and when he finally considers “maybe I’d be happier on the other side” he goes “this is ridiculous why am I thinking like this?”  To Janja, it didn’t matter what he actually wanted, because the way others saw him and getting food were more important than silly things like happiness.

“Maybe the stuff I thought was wrong was right! I think I like it but I’m still undecided how to choose, what to do!” - He’s torn between what he’s known all his life as the truth and what he’s “supposed” to do vs what his feelings are saying on the matter.

Since Jasiri told Kion they’re the same, if Janja accepts that what Jasiri says is true and Jasiri and him are the same, that means he also accepts that Kion and him are the same, and Janja knows this.  During the first chorus of A New Way to Go, Jasiri sings Si Si Ni Sawa to Janja, while in the second, she sings it to Kion.  While in the first instance Janja seems more worried about the fact that it resonated, in the second instance Janja seems more annoyed about this.  This and the fact that he crushes them with his paw during the second time indicates that he knows accepting what Jasiri said also means accepting that Kion and him are the same, and that’s something he really does not want to acknowledge.

One of the things the visuals of this song really show is that Janja clearly feels separated from the other side, even Jasiri, and doesn’t know if he really could switch sides because of the divide he feels.

The ending shot is very interesting because of this; while Janja still has his Outlander coloring, the Outlander spotlight is gone, making him still stick out but putting him in the same world as Jasiri and her hyenas, indicating that Janja has accepted what Jasiri is saying, even if only subconsciously.

Jasiri’s portrayal here vs The Worst Hyena We Know is pretty interesting, because in that song Jasiri is much more closed off to Janja.  She’s playful and somewhat flirty towards him, but still has a dismissive and “haha losers” attitude towards him and his hyenas.  Here however, she is a lot more sympathetic and open towards him.  She’s lost the snarky and dismissive attitude she had in The Worst Hyena We Know and is just playful now.  This is because before, Janja only had those kinds of experiences with Jasiri and probably thought Jasiri would push him off a cliff if given the chance(given the fact that he was surprised that she saved him from a horrible death via falling into lava I don’t think this is a crazy conclusion to come to), but now, he knows that’s very not true.

There's even this neat part here where you can parallel the two songs and see the difference

[ppenguinpperson]

cardiomyocytes and connective tissue @nopanamaman

I’ve wanted to do a fic like this for some time now, a ‘thank you’ letter to PAFL and its community of sorts. I’m happy I finally got around to writing it:) 

I wasn’t sure whether I should do this or not, but, hey! It might make someone feel a bit better!! Or, reading the fic will. That’s enough reason, I think, and you don’t have to read this, of course, no matter who you are.

First of all, I want to talk about PAFL a bit.

The first PAFL song I listened to was PiP. I saw its thumbnail when listening to some other music youtube, and so, I listened to it. Oh boy am I glad I did:) I remember thinking how cool it is that someone's making songs for their OCs and that people are interested in them. I could see so much love for the characters in it. I was so happy when I discovered there were more songs like that!! This was around when Comfort Zone had first come out, a week or two after at most. That was two years ago. I’ve been obsessed ever since.

I love PAFL. I genuinely love that songs haven’t been coming out much lately. Like, there’s media that comes out weekly and sucks shit. I’m glad Ferry is taking their time with this!!! Even if all we get each year is one song, that’s cool, because the community is wonderful and we also get doodles and art and now patreon stuff.. yippee yay… !!! And even if we didn’t. who the fuck caressss!!!!! I love coming up with AUs and OCs and theorizing with my friends!!! the time between songs gives us time to do all that:)

The characters are so charming. Every member of the cast has been a fave of mine at some point or another. They’re all so, real! I love them! I love how they fuck up and I love how they get fucked over and I love how they get exploded and killed and shot and hugged and saved and helped!!! They’re human… might not make sense, but i rlly do like them…

It’s so neat looking back at older songs and seeing how stuff’s changed. The art style, the music, it’s all so nice to look back on. Even if I wasn’t there for it.

And don’t even get me started on the worldbuilding..  Everyone say thank you to Boris Strugackij and Arkadij Strugackij for making roadside picnic and inspiring Ferry to make this… so lovely and neat. wonderful. I have not read it myself, but I might, just to be able to make my own pafl OCs more swagger..

So. This fic.

I can’t mention two years ago without at least mentioning my depression.

I can’t remember most of last year, speaking truthfully. Parts of 2021 are also fuzzy. Depression and anxiety are terrible, would not recommend. This feels cheesy to say, but it does get better!!! Slowly, unsteadily, it gets better!!! I don’t mean for this part of the post to be a ‘feel bad for me’ thing at all. Do not. I am safe and healthy now and I couldn’t be happier to be here right now.

Is life good now?? Sorta, but what matters to me right now is, I’m happy!!! It feels so surreal. I never thought I’d be like this. A part of me wants to be angry, to get depressed again about how I could have been happy all this time. But I won’t!!! Because then I’d spiral and forget another year, and, I don’t want that!

Which is so cool!!! I can like, fucking, do stuff now!! I can throw away the bad thoughts, embrace the good ones, encourage myself!!! I do things!!! I go outside and goddd dude that’s so good!! I go outside!!!

I’m doing stuff! I’m drawing, writing, cleaning my room, taking care of myself!!! If I didn’t stay alive to enjoy these small joys, what am I even here for?? 

And I’m alive!!! I’m here!!! I made it, I’m here, writing this on 10th november, 2023, and I’m ALIVE!!!! How cool is that??? 

And yea, the world is shitty, it sucks ass, but, my friends don’t!!!:3 and that’s more than enough for me… SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS!!! I LOVE YOU DUDES!!!

Moving on:

It doesn’t feel right to say that I’m here now only to PAFL. But, what I can say is that it’s been a wonderful crutch for me!! It’s been something to focus on, something silly, but also something I can relate to, and something that inspires me to make my own stuff! I’d most likely still be here, were it not for these silly songs.. but, not sure I’d be as alive as I am now! Unsure if my heart would feel right in my chest! And I wouldn’t have met my amazing friends!!!! Everyone here is so nice.

Dima may be a bit OOC in this fic, and that's because! This fic is based on my own experiences, which, i don’t think is bad…

I could talk here forever about how it gets better. Butttt to be quite honest I don’t wanna lol. I just wanna say, Thank you! to Parties are for Losers, for being cool. 

(Though I also wanna say, don’t put Ferry on a pedestal, they’re human, we all make mistakes, all that stuff.)

Ok time to go back to my manly Sergei ways and never talk about emotions ever again. or as anya would say: FUCK IT WE BALL!!!!!

[ftm-radio]

My gender is 4 years old

...and four days, as of April 15th. This post is a bit late. 😅

Four years ago, all the confusing little puzzle pieces I'd been collecting came together in a genuine eureka! moment and I realized I was transgender. It was exhilarating and terrifying and it undeniably changed my life for the better.

The last few years have felt pretty damn slow and I've had to scramble over a few frustrating obstacles (never changing my name AGAIN, lmao, that was annoying as fuck) but it's all been worth it and now it feels like I'm really making headway.

I started testosterone this past year! I did that! I'm almost 7 months on T now! Currently on a dose of two pumps of gel, which I have only missed applying once in all that time because I was literally sick. The changes are gradual but they are real and they have already brought me so much joy and made me so much happier in my humble flesh prison. 💗

The most anticipated change for me (and for a lot of transmasc folks, I imagine) is my voice, and BOY (heh) am I happy to share this data comparison with you:

[ LEFT: A screenshot from the Voice Pitch Analyzer app, dated November 3rd, 2021. It shows that OP's voice registers fully within the female voice range. RIGHT: Another screenshot from the app, dated April 12th, 2024. This one shows that OP's voice registers mostly between the Androgynous and Male voice ranges. ]

My voice is so different now. It sounds different, it feels different, and in just the last week or so I swear it has gotten a little rougher and raspier and I am LIVING. I could not be happier!!!

...okay, fine, I could be happier lmao.

I'm adjusting to my deeper voice and still learning how to use it in a way I like & that feels best to me, so I'm starting to do some casual at-home voice training again after basically forgetting about the concept completely since 2021. (Whoops.) But I am already so much happier and more content with my voice than I have ever been in my life, so it's only getting better from here, lads. <3

I've also had to go to a lot of appointments and answer a ton of phone calls about said appts recently because I kinda fucked up my eyeball (it's better now, don't worry! and be gentle to your eyes, they are delicate and eye drops are so fucking annoying when you're doing them seven times a day, jfc) and my voice has reached a point where I was a lot more comfortable interacting with strangers and I also didn't notice any surprise or confusion when I introduced myself with a male name! It was kind of amazing.

Also singing is even more fun now. I love love LOVE singing along with a male vocalist and feeling the way my voice kinda rumbles through my chest. 10/10 sensory experience.

Other changes aren't nearly as exciting or obvious as my voice, but here's a quick (?) rundown, for those who are curious:

Mood — Gotta be honest, I don't think I've really noticed any significant change in my day-to-day mood, though I may not be the best judge for this because I have trouble figuring out what/how I'm feeling in general, tbh. But I think I have certainly gotten more comfortable and content with myself and I'd even go so far as to say I feel a little more confident these days. It's nice, I appreciate it.

Acne — I definitely noticed a change in how my acne presents itself on my face. I wouldn't say it's worse than before (I've had very bad acne since I was a young teenager and only got medication for it like, last year which has helped immensely) but I think it's different. More little red spots and roughness than the unpleasant and painful pimples I'm used to. I don't even mind it, really. Oddly affirming.

Facial Hair — I've got facial hair. I really do!!! Not clickbait!!! It's not much, not enough for me to be brave and take my dad up on his offer of shaving lessons quite yet, but it has grown in enough that I don't feel silly including it in self portraits! 🤭🧔🏻 Got a little bit of a mustache happening, a little bit at the sides of my face, some fuzz on my chin (with one LONG hair that I can only assume has been greedy and stealing his brothers' growth), and a frankly surprising lil patch of hair under my jaw. On a semi-related note, not sure if my brows have gotten much darker/thicker. They might have? idk.

my new discord icon, hehe... 👁💜🪓

Body Hair — I have gotten a little more hair on my forearms, and it may have gotten a little darker too! I have a tattoo on my arm just below my left wrist and it's been surprisingly helpful for measuring arm hair growth because for years my tattoo was not covered by hair at all but the left side of it's a little fuzzy now... 😏 I've gotten more noticeable hair growth on my upper arms, which were basically hairless before (free gender euphoria every time I put on my T) and on my thighs. Don't think my lower legs have gotten much hairier, and I'm a little impatient about it lmao. I want to get hairy enough to rival my brother.

Energy/Appetite — Can't say I've really noticed any differences here? I am not a very active person and I already struggled with appetite and getting myself to eat before I started T (thank you adhd & poor eating habits 🥲💀), so I can't quite tell if I'm ignoring more hunger signals than usual. 😅 I am hoping to get more active and start doing more physical activity now that it's starting to get warmer outside again, so hopefully that will help me see these sorts of changes and also get me into some better eating habits as I expend more energy and work up a proper appetite! (Also, since we're on the topic... a reminder for all of us that taking care of yourself and feeding the body you live in is a million times more important than aesthetics and numbers on a scale. ❤)

Menstruation — I am still getting my period right on schedule, but I am happy to say it is considerably lighter than it was before I started testosterone! My period has begun getting shorter, too. It lasted for roughly 7–9 days before, but I was bleeding for exactly 7 days last month, and only 6 days this month. I'm not sure if this trend will continue at such a dramatic rate, but if my next round is only 5 days I will be very excited about it, lol. My uterus can retire any day now, please...

Bottom Growth — if any of my friends read this part, don't speak to me about it lmao — Yeah... there's a little bit of something happening down there. Not a lot, and I haven't really noticed any pain or sensitivity, but there's a Difference. Aaaaand I like it. 😌 I am looking forward to any and all future developments. 😏👉🏻👉🏻

Okay! I think that's it, really.

I know I haven't been super active on this blog for quite a while now (I have really gotten into fandom blogging on my main lmao, and also discord is my favorite thing right now, it's where 90% of my friends live) so I hope this nice, long, ramble-y post makes up for that a little bit. <3

Not gonna make any promises that I'll post here more often, but y'know. I might. It could happen. Definitely not leaving this blog to sit and gather dust, that's for sure. I'll still be reblogging stuff semi-frequently, even if I'm not writing up my own posts.

So goodbye for now, and thanks for tuning in! 👋🏻📻💖💙✨️

[pitiplush]

Hi, I know I've been MIA for a while, but since the news about the cancellation of Shadow and Bone broke I've been sad and I need to let it all out. I've come to think of my blog here like a safe haven, so there's no better place for this.

These photos are of the very first original amigurumis I've ever made (sorry for the first photo, I hastily put it together just for this post because none of my photos seemed good enough). As you can see they are some of the characters of Shadow & Bone: Alina, the Darkling, Inej and Kaz. This was back in 2021, when the show premiered. Back then I had never heard of the Grishaverse, but when I saw the teaser my curiosity was piqued so I gave the books a chance and I LOVED them. After so many years on a reader's block and at a time in my life where I was struggling to get by, I had something new and exciting to look forward to. I loved the show (watched it twice in a row, actually), I loved the cast and I loved everything surrounding the Grishaverse. I even convinced two of my friends to read the books (and I regret nothing) 😂

I was so thrilled I HAD to do something, to create something new inspired by the Grishaverse. At that moment I had been crocheting only for a year but I thought I could try and see if something came out of it. That's how I crocheted Alina, my very first bookish amigurumi. It's not my best work, sure, but till this day I'm so very proud of the result. This was my first attempt at designing an amigurumi, I felt like I was improving my craftsmanship while honouring one of my favourite fantasy sagas. So I kept going, I crocheted the Darkling, made changes to get a better design, started putting more effort into my photos, even replicating the show posters. I kept growing my collection, adding Inej and Kaz and taking fun photos of all of them.

I didn't get far in terms of interactions and likes with them but I didn't care that much, I was just genuinely elated that I was creating something new with my bare hands and that was my priority.

And after them, I stuck to the book amigurumis. Created new patterns and characters, got more involved in photography and photoedition, and strived to do better with each new amigurumi. I got happier too, the thrill to create and share not only my craft but the books I love the most has been the best part of these last three years. And none of that wouldn't have existed without Shadow & Bone, without Leigh Bardugo and her universe, without that amazing cast and all of the writers and staff that have worked tirelessly to bring the Grishaverse to life.

So yeah, I'm heartbroken it has come to this abrupt and unfair end, especially when there was just a season left. In a way it feels like putting an end to a part of my journey as an amigurumi artist, this first part in which I was fumbling to learn and create something new. And as sad as it is, I want to say thank you too. It's not much, but it feels right to use my small amigurumi kingdom and reach to say thank you to everyone involved in the Grishaverse. You've made me unbelievably happy in so many different ways that I have trouble putting it into words.

Thank you as well to everyone who has taken a bit of their time to like, share and leave comments about my Grishaverse amigurumis. You helped me believe in my work and gave me strength to keep crocheting.

I will always remember the first time I showed Alina and the Darkling to my best friends and we talked about how I could crochet the rest, and which ones they wanted to see the most and "omg what if one of the actors noticed your work?????". It will never happen, but imagining the possibility still makes me feel a bit giddy even after two years.

If you've read this far, thank you to you too and sorry for my silly ramblings ♥️ If you love S&B too I'm free to cry together about all of the things we will never see on screen anymore.

P.S.: who would've thought that little me having a crush on Prince Caspian (aka the great Ben Barnes) would have ended in crocheting plushies inspired in book characters??? Not me for sure 😂

[daddyelliott1979]

Daddy and Boy; what's it like to have the other?

I really want these posts to set a standard, to be a window into our lives but also set a benchmark for what these relationships look like.

I want to start by sharing something from @squirtdaboi

Baby Riley

When my daddy asked me to write about what its like having a daddy i initially didn’t know what to write about. But after giving it some thought i have to say this.

Ive found myself being so much happier and its so nice having that crutch in my life. That one person that always there for me is so reassuring.

He makes me giggle, smile and blush all at the same time. He does these little things like playing with my hair and giving me tummy rubs when my tummy hurts.

The way he changes me is so fun!!!! He blows raspberries and puts cartoons on for me and he dosent care if i am stinky!! If anything he makes me blushy and encourages it! He helps me push my boundaries and be more confortable being myself around others!

He tucks me and my teddies in at night and he checks on me if i wake up. Oh!!! The other night he even changed me while i slept!!! Just knowing how gentle he was and the care he puts into our time makes everything so much better!

If I’m feeling anxious in public he makes sure I’m okay! He makes me squirm and get embarrassed but it doesn’t upset me, it makes me happy.

Bath times are great. I get to play and enjoy myself! Daddy pretends to hate when i splash him with water but i know he secretly loves it!

He makes me feel loved and happy and safe and when i go to see him i feel at ease and i can be tiny and not have a problem.

He also helps me with my ‘big feelings’ and is always there for me. He recently bought me 2 sets of earbuds to help with my sensory issues which he didn’t have to do!

He helps me figure out trains for coming to see him and we are currently looking at getting me a tablet too!

He’s so helpful and doesn’t mind listening to me talk about my problems and things that are going on. He lets me talk until I'm happy and then i can go right back to watching bluey.

He helps me push me to my limits when going out in public and lets me explore my way of doing things. He doesn’t force me to do anything at all. It’s honestly so nice.

I guess the main thing im trying to say is….

HE IS AMAZING!!!

Daddy's thoughts

Honestly reading that made me cry, I know this was a lot for him to do, but once again he proves he's such a sweet little boy and not the "bad" kid he's made out to be!

Here's what this boy means to me, in the short while that he's come into my life, he's turned it upside down in the best possible way!

His cheekiness makes it impossible not to smile, his smile makes it impossible to not feel happy, his whole face lights up as he barely contains his joy; and it's beautiful!

When he's here I have to stay close, and if I'm close he's got to snuggle, and I get moaned at if I don't. It's completely adorable!

He gets squirmy in public and tells me "shut up" emphasis on the "shuuuut uppp" hehe. It's adorable to watch!

He genuinely needs me in so many ways, so much that he makes me feel like a real Daddy, something I've not felt since my son was little.

The first time he said "I love you Daddy" made my heart melt, it came out of nowhere just as I was about to rush off to the corner shop for an emergency supply of wipes- he was very stinky and feeling very little.

He has the most adorable giggle, there's nothing better than giving him tickles!

He's not kidding about the splashes, I really do love how I end up wetter than him at bath time!

And at bed time I have to snuggle with him, he snuggles into my chest and stays there all night, sometimes I'm convinced he can't get close enough. The other day he turned around only to come back with my giant doggy stuffie, scooting in so I had to cuddle them both; and somehow he took up 3/4 of my bed and left me a sliver!

Honestly I love it when he comes, I hate it when he leaves; even though he's only 30 minutes away!

He's such a special boy, he's warm, he's kind, he's sweet and he's just a boy, who needs a Daddy to love, care and protect him! And I get to be that Daddy!

And that's freaking awesome!!

[charmedreincarnation]

hii maya!!! i have a success story and im so excited bc this is my first manifestation success story.

for context for everyone else, i was getting bullied at my workplace. my boss hated me and would mock me in front of people and my coworkers disliked me and disincluded me from things and talked behind my back. It was so bad and i was searching for another job instead even though this was so close to my house, the pay was good, the actual work was easy. etc. I told maya abt this and she was such an angel and would let me vent to her and gave me a lot of advice about manifesting.

I wish I could say that I took her advice and changed my life but I honestly struggled a lot. I rmbr crying every single night before going to work and constantly just dreading being there or the thought of having to be there.

But everytime I vented, maya would always tell me to just affirm while listening to theta waves as I was going to sleep so I tried to atleast do that. In hindsight this was a really big thing. I was recently looking into SATS and reading posts about how important what you do before sleeping is because you are super suggestible. I think crying every night made me keep manifesting that my job sucked and stuff whereas affirming that it was great helped to start changing that.

I also tried to ignore the bullying and just act like I was being treated correctly. Like one time my boss said that she wished she had hired someone else and before I would have said nothing and just gone home and cried but instead I just laughed, taking it as a joke, and said that I'll make sure to work hard so that she can be proud of hiring me.

Slowly over the course of 2 weeks things started to change. We got 2 new people added into the team and one of them sits next to me and is my friend and I talk to him a lot. My boss and coworkers are okay with me now, like we have nice small talks and I haven't been undermined in a while. I made an error and before it would have become a big issue and while I did get scolded slightly, it was more of a "be more careful when doing this" versus what I usually got which was "you are so stupid, why are you like this." I also made a lot of other friends at work and work is pretty fun! I look forward to going to work sometimes (not all the time bc I'd rather just be at home in bed) but yeah it has changed so much and I'm much happier.

i just want to thank you so much maya. you are such an angel and i genuinely appreciate you so much. i can't wait to come back to you with a void success story!!

I am beyond proud of you! Your Success is proof that you overcame everything and persevered. But I actually want to point out your reaction to your boss, and encourage everyone to follow suit. You quite literally laughed at the 3D which is what I would do metaphorically but I mean physically probably works better lol.

Regardless I’m happy for everything you’ve accepted as yours. I’m also glad this is only encouraging you to want to go farther and achieve your entire dream life, not just a good one you can tolerate. When I reached this stage I remember I had a thought like “well maybe I should just accept this” “or it’s not that bad now I guess so do I really need to continue or can I chill” and if you have to ask yourself that the answer is no and you know you deserve it all at the highest degree.

[the-gentleman-pining]

Decided to rewatch OFMD S2 eps 1-3 and actually jot down my thoughts as I go! Oh what fun! Ngl this is mostly for me babes but if you enjoy it that's neat ❤️

Episode 1: Impossible Birds

Stede bearded in his dream could just be playing to swashbuckling archetypes for funsies, but is it some lingering wish that he was more masculine?

Con O'Neil truly graceful about it with the sword huh

"WHERE IS HE. WHERE'S ED?" Stede seeing Izzy as the thing that is keeping Ed from him when he's the one that left lol ok

His idealised version of Ed doesn't hold him accountable either. My mans doesn't want to face what he did at all!!

His first words to Ed in his letter are reassuring him that the crew are safe, as if he doesn't remember that Ed marooned them and left them for dead on purpose??

I know it's meant to be funny but Jackie was a bit of a sex pest toward Swede at first and the power dynamic was a bit 🫤 Glad he was into it in the end!

WHY DOES WEE JOHN SLAM THE HEAD OF THE ONE WHO GOT STABBED INTO THE TABLE INSTEAD OF THE ONE WHO STABBED THEM?? 😂

Stede truly is unphased by people being assholes to him and I just,,, respect it.

Ricky your vibes are strange and unsettling

Who in their right mind would have an ocean wedding in the golden age of piracy?? I know they probs didn't know it was the golden age of piracy while they were in it but STILL

Ed looks so dead behind the eyes 😭 Just going through the motions eh buddy?

Dressed up like the book Blackbeard I see. God he's trying so hard to inhabit this character.

I would die for Archie. Truly the himbo we need in these depressing angst riddled times.

Jim asking someone else how they're bottling things up?? Hello?? Who are you and what have you done with Jim?? Aren't you the bottling up Master? Olu bewitched you too good and now you've unlocked Feelings 😔

"He's actually a good guy" Stede babygirl did we actually forget the marooning???

I have so much I could say about how Izzy and Blackbeard's relationship has deteriorated hhhhh,,,, Izzy is a problem child but I'm so glad the story is crashing towards his character actually growing and changing. In season 1 he at least got the crumbs Ed would throw him like "I need you here", now he's only getting abuse and maybe he's throwing himself at it because he recognises he had a part to play in reaching this point and believes he deserves it.

Fang's delivery on "how you doing Izzy" will keep me warm and fed all winter. Masterclass in approaching someone, truly tender and genuine but not too pressuring. God.

That second "unhand me" hhh the panic of realising you're going to start crying if the situation continues

Con is gonna rip my heart out and eat it this season if I'm not careful

Labour exploitation Jackie what a girlboss x

Why does "you'll be having a lot of breakfastseses together" sound so ominous though 😭 Smeagol Jackie my worstie...

Stede doing Blackbeard Voice is adorable but damn he really doesn't believe that he made Ed's life better. Like how??? Why doesn't Stede equate happiness with better? Ed was explicitly happier around you ya dingus!

Swede deserves his married bliss so much. The crew can be so mean to him!!

"What am I to you" and "I have... love for you" are said so softly I'm gonna be sick,, Izzy you fucked it by wrestling this man into this particular coping mechanism and your tenderness is coming wayyyy too late. Heartbreaking tbh cause the guy didn't know how else to help Ed and now he's realising it could have been different. Sick and twisted little dynamic I'm eating it like good soup.

Definitely supposed to be taken that Izzy didn't realise "talk it through" was a Stedeism as he said it but godddd you idiot dude

Once again god bless you Archie I'd die for you

Fang I want to rescue you hhhhhh my hot topic fashionista must be so dehydrated from all these tears!!!

No way in hell Ed expected anything else out of Izzy's mouth than something about Stede, but god I wish the guy had just payed attention to Frenchie shaking his head. The catharsis of saying the quiet part out loud wasn't worth your leg, man.

"Start by cleaning up that mess"... yeah we def see Ed is killing people himself again but outsourcing the Big Job on Izzy makes sense. He's also exactly the kind of self sabotager atm that would know Frenchie won't do it, and he's looking for reasons to Be Worse.

Indigo heist my beloved. Fuck those hammies up!! I love how loud Black Pete was omg 😂

Oh fuck off Ricky I know you're a S1 Stede mirror but you're doing it detestably

Roach why is your instinct to immediately put the blue dirt on your face darling

Zheng Yi Sao completely unphased by Jackie is giving me so much delight

Sexy Dutchman 😭😂 Jackie never change

I love that Zheng Yi Sao is taking the whole crew on just to have her lil Olu moment, get it girl

TENDER JIM IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM THEY'VE COME SO FAR. I LOVE THEIR BIG SMILE 😭 (also Archie is so wholesome what is she DOING here???)

Ed oh my god you're not alright at ALL

Frenchie's quiet "sounds like a plan" is just so... painful. The acting this season is off the charts.

When Roach asked if they were in soup now I thought he was referring to the ocean as soup I'm an idiot 😭

[bobmckenzie]

applied for jobs today 😵‍💫

sorry big huge mega baby whining should've-been-a-diary-entry vent below because July has been absolutely obliterating me on every emotional level and i need to SHOUT INTO THE VOID

honestly i didnt realize how good i had things when i was a contract writer and I'm really lamenting that the company changed so much and that gig ended :/

ive been unemplyed for like 10 months now working on trying to "start my career" ...i self published at the beginning of the month and expected to feel really accomplished and motivated to keep going but i just... dont. it's cool having my book and all but when it comes down to it i just dont think im cut out for all the marketing and constant grinding and the risk of spending for ads and potentially making nothing back, just throwing money away. trying to keep up with social media and write fast enough and essentially running my own business and managing taxes and finances and all just to maybe never even make a livable wage.

most of all it's the fact that i keep waiting for the happiness to click in and it just isnt. i feel total indifference at this point and im not any happier than i was when i was working my grocery store job that i DESPISED... except now im NOT MAKING ANY MONEY 😃👍

i guess at the end of the day at least i can say i did it and i gave my "dream" a shot or whatever. but like everything else in life it turned out to not be or feel how i thought it would lol. WHO could've guessed.

genuinely at this point in my life the ONLY things that bring me joy are indulging in selfship, the friends I've made here (🩵), and getting to watch movies in bed at night. and peanut butter. writing rarely ever sparks that feeling in me that it used to so like. WHY BOTHER when I'm not even willing to work hard enough for it to be profitable. I'll be better off just getting a minimum wage gig even if I hate it as much as my last one. At least I'll be making money and not feel like such a dead weight to my parents 😅👍😅👍😅👍😅👍

[solradguy]

Also, while I still have Sin Brain™️, another great story you could make is him helping the Valentine Sisters escape the abuse of their mother, The Universal Will.

Ramlethal has been, all the way up until she meets Sin, thought of by everyone, herself included, as a weapon, a tool, an object others use for their own means and towards their own ends. The talk about replacibility she has with Bedman greatly suggests that her mother instilled in her the fear of replacement, and she takes pride in being a useful tool. There's a good chance this is what she thinks this is what love is, or at least how Mother expresses it.

Sin... doesn't... do... that.

People joke about Rammy Borger incessantly, but that scene is critical in the relationship and dynamic between these two at this point, and how it changes. Sin expresses his genuine passion for life, as shown through a nice meal; Ramlethal at first dismisses this as patently ridiculous and utterly unneccesary; However, upon eating the burger, she's overwhelmed by it in a way only good food can do. The scene is played mostly for comedy, but one does not have to think incredibly hard to imagine a scene similar to this focused more on the emotions and the interactions between the two and less on the humour.

My thoughts on Elphelt aren't as plentiful as with Sin and Ram, (due in large part from me not being as Autistic™️ about her as I am with those two), but I have one good, solid idea; Her romantic obsession as a form of escapism. You could read her complete focus on aquiring a Husband (or perhaps a Wife) as her wanting someone who she loves and who loves her to take her somewhere else, somewhere better.

An incredible narrative could be made by having Sin help the sisters leave The Universal Will and join Team Good Guys, discuss the trauma they have from their time with their mother, and eventually growing into happier, more Self-Actualized versions of themselves. Hell, if you're willing to break canon for the sake of a good story, you could have Sin, Ram, and Elphelt in the final bossfight; Have Sin tear her, her worldview, and how she treated the Valentines, to shreds; Let the sisters finish her off for that sweet, sweet emotional catharsis.

In conclusion, Sin is the Bestest Boy in all of Guilty Gear, and Fanon's crimes against him are not soon forgotten.

I wish I could add something constructive to this since you took so much time to write it out... But I agree entirely. Together we can stop Sin Kiske Flanderization

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

I probably will be called out for making everything about Jimin but idfc.

Notice how whenever Jimin pulls himself out of something be it relationships or jobs the people he worked with and people he had relationship with start to crumble and lose their appeal at all. It's like they lose their soul. BTS had really nice music until 2020, their artistry was unmatched in the whole industry and their stage performances were talked abt for weeks after. Then Jimin started getting pushed back in choreos and being given lesser lines in their songs. Their group music is unlistenable now. Every performance now is the Graham Norton performance which Jimin wasn't able to attend. I've loved them so much, I've waited for every performance, award show and new music. Now I desperately beg for them to stop releasing it. It's this bad. Relationships too. Jimin was close to Yg, Th and Jk, you just can't deny it. Yeah, I didn't really like some of their interactions and most of it seemed exaggerated by fans but still it seemed quite genuine. Then Jimin stopped hanging out with Th. Th's weird attitude and shifty behavior started getting more and more obvious and severe. Never expected much from him but damn he makes me lower my expectations even more. I kinda liked Yg, ngl, but at some point he started giving Jm back handed compliments and Jm kinda withdrew himself from him I think. After it Yg's ass lickery, money and power greed tendencies and selfishness and bitterness just flourished. Finally, Jk. I think they had quite nice relationship back then even if it was hot and cold (well, Ig that's just how jk's personality is, he's awkward) and mostly one sided. Jk was also more involved in creative process and in general looked happier and more genuine. After 2020/2021 Jimin started withdrawing himself from this relationship, too. Then I started noticing quite radical changes in Jk's behavior. Blatant fanservice, playing on both ship parties on purpose, insincerity. His skills too, like, bro, wtf has happened to you? The dancing?? Stage presence (yeah, he never was strong in this field but he had good moments sometimes)?? Wtf is that? His mediocrity and blandness is insane. He looks like he completely lost himself. Just plain sad.

So my point is, Jimin is/was the soul and heart of BTS, their performances, songs and every relationship he's in. The lightweight vibes, genuine fun, sincerity, desire to be and do better than yesterday, charm. It's all gone with Jimin. It feels like Jimin transforms people around him, seriously affects them and their mind. It's like the people he chooses to be around and chooses to be close with start to want to do better and be better. The group's fate is truly sad.

I've had this in drafts for god knows how long, but I wrote this:

"Polyc saying Jimin impacted him and changed his outlook on life, made him want to be a better person. He hung out with Jungkook the most but had literally nothing special to say about him

Jk before 2017 was annoying, a brat, lowkey an asshole; after he got closer to Jimin he softened and then there you have the same jungkook again as you mentioned these past years. 2021 something about jikook wasn't the same anymore and he's been closer to taehyung and acting like him too"

So I assume it must be from around those days of the polyc interview lol. Timing aside, points were made.