#it's okay to grieve

[mishoru]

[eccedentesiast-skies]

Learning to grieve aspects of yourself once believed would be apart of you forever, is one of the scariest yet most enlightening experiences.

[thewildchild13915]

Sibling grief is weird.

With sibling grief you're grieving more than just the loss of your sibling.

You're grieving the life you had before you lost your sibling.

You're grieving the loss of who your parents were before your sibling died

You're grieving the loss of the future you'd prepared for

You're grieving the loss of the family unit as you'd known it

You're grieving the loss of who you were before they died

You're grieving the loss of your best friend

Before my brother died, I had plans for how the future would be. Family holidays with our kids, major life events being celebrated together, family vacations, so many memories to be made.

All of those were lost when he died. An entire future full of plans just.... Gone.

Finished.

Now I'm only left with the haunting visions of watching him go, with the sounds of our parents sobbing and begging for this to not be happening, with hearing the love of his life begging for more time and promising to make the rest of his life everything we'd always dreamed for him, with remembering both the feeling of his warm hands AND the feeling of his lifeless, cold hands.

Before my brother died, our parents were mostly happy.

Parents change after the loss of a child, regardless of the age of said child. That change can go 1 of 2 ways and it is usually to the extreme of whichever way they go.

Way 1: they're going to be extremely clingy with their remaining child(ren). They will want them close.

Or

Way 2: they're going to become extremely distant with their remaining child (ren).

My mom quietly went with way 1. She tries to not show it, but I know it. She still has her moments where she's distant, but she won't even entrain the idea of us being far away from her. She wants all of us near her.

My dad went with way 2. I've always felt like my dad absolutely hated me. There was no proud father moment when I got married, no "you look beautiful" comments, or any heart touching moments really. It's always been he was there, but quietly wondering how quickly he could leave. Sure there were moments when he really came through and made me feel like he cared. I can't say there weren't ANY.

But after losing my brother, I feel like I completely lost my dad. He barely acknowledges I'm there, he flat out ignores me when I say "I love you", but he will say it to everyone around me, he doesn't even try to hide the fact that he does NOT want to be wherever I am. In my heart I feel that he believes the wrong child died and that it should've been me. I have never felt like more of a burden than I do now.

Before my brother died, my mom always told us "nurture your relationship with each other because when your dad and I are gone, you're only going to have each other". That was the future I'd prepared for. Now, when my parents are gone I will be alone. I'll have no one to grieve that loss with. Our future was supposed to be long and fruitful, with so many memories to be made... I was not prepared for the future I'm going to have.

Before my brother died, we were a family of 4. He was my big brother. Sure our family expanded as we got older. We had significant others and kids, but our family unit was 4. Now, it's only 3.

I'm no longer the little sister.

I'm the surviving sister.

Before my brother died, I was happy. Sure I dealt with some mental health issues, but he always helped to keep my grounded. He was who I called when I felt like I was losing my grip. He was my rock. He was my best friend. He always made sure I was ok, that his nieces and nephews were ok, that everyone had what they needed. He was my go-to person for everything.

I used to get so irritated because he'd always call me when bad weather was moving in. He'd give me all these instructions on things I needed to do to be prepared, he'd make sure I was making sure the kids had everything they needed.. it could be so exhausting sometimes.

God how I miss those phone calls.

Now that he's gone I find myself riddled with anxiety and anger. I have no idea who I am anymore because I do not feel like me anymore. I feel like a part of me went with him. The strong part went with him.

Now that he's gone I feel so alone, even with the rest of my family right beside me.

I try to grieve quietly. I try to do it alone as much as possible so that it doesn't make those around me sad.

Sibling grief is weird..

It's lonely

Unless you are the surviving sibling, you could never understand.

[larjb3]

Grieving Past Lives

Something to consider about chronic illness, mental illness, addiction, disabilities, whatever it is that you may be struggling with now, is that it's okay to grieve a past life. I don't mean this in a philosophical or existential sense (you are welcome to believe in whatever you believe in), but what I do mean is that everyone grows. Everyone has a different life that they once had. Think of who you were when you were in high school, or as a teenager. Is that the same person you are now, if you are an adult? If you're currently a teenager, think of your younger self - are you still that person? Every day people grow and change and learn. It doesn't matter if it's the most mundane day possible, you learned you can get through another day. You learned that weather can change. You learned that you can get out of bed instead of sleeping all day. You learned something, regardless of what it is.

So now, thinking back to chronic/mental illnesses, addiction, disabilities, etc.:

You weren't always this way. Or maybe you were. Maybe you have experienced a long-term diagnosis (or lack of diagnosis but experienced something that has significantly negatively impacted your life) that has impacted who you are and how you live. Regardless, it's okay. It's okay to wish you were once a way you used to be. If your illness or addiction has gotten worse, it's okay to grieve what life was like prior to getting worse. It's okay to grieve things that you used to be able to do. It's okay to want to go back to the times in which you felt you were truly happy, maybe without even realizing it. If you're in recovery from addiction, it's okay to grieve who you were when you were in the thralls of addiction. It's okay to think that during that time, maybe you were "better" in some way. It's okay to wish you still had that as a coping mechanism, because it may have helped you so much.

All of that is okay.

We can grieve. Grief is a process of life, and it's not just for death. Sure, you can think about grief for a past life as kind of a "death" of that past life, but that's also really hard to think about when your illness is just getting worse as the days go on, because if that's "death," then what's next?

But regardless, it's okay to grieve. It's okay to wish you could still do things you once used to be able to do. It's okay to wish for the days where you didn't have to take countless medications, just so that you can function.

[inamoment]

Sending love to anyone who carries a heavy heart in silence. Sending love to anyone who is grieving. 🙏Sending love to anyone who wants to do better but can’t find the energy to make the necessary changes.

Sending love to anyone who wonders if their exhaustion is permanent. Sending love to anyone who’s tired of feeling stuck.💓💓

[anotherexistingbeing]

(A tribute to Billy Kametz in the form of a Monkie kid fan fic...)

The world seemed without it's usual hues of color as grey clouds filled the sky, The Sun dimmed and it's warmth blocked

Footsteps crunched the grass below as rain drops fell onto the leaves of the surrounding trees... The drops multiplying as it began to rain but the three figures didn't mind one bit

They all approached a grave made between the three as they all gently sat on their knees, A certain lamp set down in front of the grave

Hearts were heavy on this day and may remain that way for a while... Yet it will be learned that it's okay to take time to mourn, remember... but never forget...

As a trio they huddled close and nuzzled into each other, Sharing pain and reminding one another to never hold back...

May your soul ride the wind up to the heavens above and carry on... even after death...

Thank you...

[ambimoon]

[biscuitwithbutter]

Here to announce that I won't be drawing cyno this week or next week as I haven't finished my current art project.

I'm kind of struggling since my dog passed away yesterday. I'm tryna put myself back together.

Binge playing genshin instead of sleeping was definitely unhealthy but a nice way to cope with the loss .

I hope everyone is okay out there, please take care of yourselves.

Expect the cyno drawing by the end of this month or beginning of next month.

Thank you!

~biscuit~

[cathars-ix]

2022 i’ll never forget u, u truly were my year

[mysecretwrittings]

Hard Day

Today is a hard day

I knew right away by the way I couldn't get out of my bed

Today the weight of the word is pressing on my chest

I can't seem to get enough air

and tears are ready to come at any time

I want to scream away all the pain of yesterday

But at last, like any hard day a mask must cover it all

She's angry they said

No, that not right am devasted by the mere fact that I woke up

I'm angry at myself for getting sad

I loath the tears that are threatening to come out

The way my hear beats is making me sick

Why must the hard days come when I can't hide all day?

Why today?

Why must I be the bad guy everytime they come around?

Why can anybody see that am drowning on my own body?

Why is breathing hard?

Why does food taste like ash?

Why can't I be okey today?

Today is a hard day

its not my first

It won't be my last

But the world’s lack of empathy shatters me one more time

Tomorrow might be nice but today...

Today...

Today its a Hard Day.

[becckks]

My letter to you. I'm sorry I left.

I couldn't have fallen in love with you back then.

We were young, and already hopeless. It would've been my depression against yours, my demons merged with yours.

It might've been powerful but it also might've been destructive. For me it was already destructive having my own, and I would've hated myself some more if you were hurt because of me.

Your eyes used to shine whenever you were with me, your hands used to search for mine constantly. I can't imagine the pain you would've gone through if I had let you in some more.

You were my moon, you were the last girl I felt something for, you were the beautiful reason I didn't leave earlier... Even when I stopped myself from falling in love with you, you are in my mind tonight; you've been ever since I met you.

I hope someone brings you this letter when the time is right and also, I'm sorry I left.

Sometimes this letter heals me, sometimes it opens the wound.

[idyllicisms]

If you see me tagging nearly every post I reblog with #grief it's because so many things come back to grieving, and that grief is not an inherently bad emotion, and that it's okay if it follows you around like a pet or you carry it with you like a child. Get friendly with your grief. It's okay. You will be okay.

[eccedentesiast-skies]

Sunsets look different when someone you love is painting them.

[thewildchild13915]

Stages of grief

I've been trying to work myself through the grief process. I'm doing it alone for the most part, so I keep finding myself in the dark place more often than not. I googled the stages of grief.

denial

anger

bargaining

depression

acceptance

I cycle through these stages, sometimes daily.

Lately I've found myself staying angry.

My God I'm so angry.

I'm angry at myself for being so selfish that I didn't do more to help my brother.

I'm angry at my parents for not listening to me when I said take him to another hospital and I'm angry at them for making me have to go through this alone.

I'm angry at his fiance for letting this happen to him. And now for moving on so fucking fast. We JUST made it through his one year and she's already dating someone!?

I'm angry at my extended family for being absolutely disgusting humans, though they always have been so it's no surprise.

I'm angry at my brother for not fighting harder. For giving up. For leaving me here to do this on my own.

I'm angry at God for doing this to our family. People tell me "God only takes those that he needs in heaven" but why. Why tf do you need him in heaven!? We needed people like him HERE. Good people. Good men.

I'm just so angry.

I don't know how to handle my anger.

My dad taught me to lash out when I'm angry.

My mom taught me to just be quiet when I'm angry.

All I want to do is yell and scream

And cry

I want to call my brother and yell at him.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to get through this.

I don't know how to survive.

[cynicaluterus666]

Are you struggling to cope with the loss of a loved one?

I, myself, have found a lot of comfort in occupying myself with adult coloring books. I highly recommend the Coco Wyo brand that you can find on Amazon. They have a TON of awesome coloring books. Great quality AND for a great price too!

I personally only use ultra fine point sharpies and alcohol based skin tone markers, if I'm coloring a picture of a person.

After I lost my father back in March of 2022, I invested quite a bit of money in coloring books and markers. I hold absolutely zero regrets for making such a large purchase towards it. It has helped me occupy my mind, rather than sit and dwell on what I simply can't change.

I know that everyone grieves in their own way, but I figured I would put one of my methods of coping out there, because there is always a chance that it can help someone else as well!

[emperormpf]

RIP Juan Jose Garcia-Rimblas