#its almost certainly merch yeah!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WAIT SORRY, I just sent a ask a second ago BUT IM PRETTY SURE ITS MERCH, the fact that howdy was on there is probably meaning its to be sold in a store of some kind, like his shop. definitely a stretch tho

no no i'm with you on that. my first thought had been "physical howdy puppet?" but then i thought about it for more than one second and came to the Merch Conclusion as well for the same reasons. it might be a Wally plush! that's my guess!

[daytaker]

The Gang React to You Giving Them Chocolates on Valentine's Day

And other Valentine's Day miscellanea. I'm going with MC giving store-bought chocolates. I know in some places, it's more common to give homemade chocolates, but I for one do not have any idea how that is done and it's not something that's common where I live, so I'm going to go with what I know, which is very little. Enjoy! (Mostly below the cut.)

The length of these varies. Some are quite short. I just wanted to put out some sort of Valentine's Day themed Thing, even if I'm almost two days late.

Lucifer

"How thoughtful. I don't suppose there's anything deeper I'm meant to read into here?"

He's so smug. Unreasonably so. More than you would expect. Yeah, guys, he got chocolates from MC. But his pride doesn't allow him to flaunt the fact. He has to just hope and pray people actively ask him whether he's gotten anything or where those not-so-discreetly placed chocolates sitting on his desk happened to come from.

Lucifer is very traditional in his treatment of you. When it comes to events like this, he's almost painfully predictable. He'll certainly have roses for you, and depending on your relationship, he might reserve dinner for two at a high end restaurant. And if your relationship is at a certain level, you can expect a trail of rose petals leading to the bed. It's kind of cringeworthy but he means well.

Mammon

"O-oh... Ahem... Is it Valentine's Day? Ha! I thought I was forgettin' somethin'. Heh, uh... thanks, human."

Obviously he didn't forget; he's been stressing over this day for the past week. He needs to get you something, but it can't be anything that's too cheesy or anything that makes him look cheap, so he's probably broken the bank to get you some sort of jewelry that he'll spend the next century paying off, but it's worth it.

When he gets chocolates from you, he plays it off like it's no big deal, but actually, he's so excited to reciprocate that before he has time to think it over, he's acting like he just so happened to have this expensive piece of jewelry on his person so you might as well take it for him. He spends the rest of the day kicking himself because now how in the world are you supposed to know that this was actually a very tactful and expensive gift from the greatest demon in the Devildom?

That, and he'll probably spend the entire day glaring at his brothers and the dateables from the corner as they shower you with gifts and attention.

Leviathan

"Wh...? For me? This isn't a prank, right? Because I'm not gonna forgive you if this box is full of tide pods!"

It's not full of tide pods, so all is well. He's so embarrassed to have doubted you that he tries to just shove his gift into your hands and push you out of his room, but it won't take too much persistence to get him to back down.

His gift is some sort of merch relating to an anime, manga, or game the two of you have particularly enjoyed together. Preferably something cute and evocative of the holiday. He doesn't know. He's never done this before. Why would he? Nobody would ever think to give him anything on Valentine's Day, so why would he bother with gifts? You do remember that nobody likes him, right? He doesn't like them either, so it's fine, but---

Let's just thank him for our gift before he falls too far down the self-hate spiral.

Satan

"I had hoped I might receive something from you today."

Satan is glad to get something from you, no matter what it is, but to be honest, chocolates probably aren't the best choice for him. He'd rather have something a little more heart-felt, that seems like you picked it out with him in mind. Literally anything cat-themed, or a book of some sort (bonus if it's a romance novel).

He's probably gone and done something stupidly romantic like buy you flowers and a book of poetry with certain parts highlighted.

But don't be fooled. Satan's favorite part of Valentine's Day is talking about its gruesome history, from the martyrdom of St. Valentine to a whole host of brutal murders that have taken place on the day. Catch him trying to figure out how to shoehorn the Chicago St. Valentine's Day Massacre into a casual conversation.

Asmodeus

"Oh, for meeee? You're such a sweetheart!"

He adds it to his enormous pile of chocolates, cards, flowers, and love letters. But of course, it's special, because it's from you.

He loves it, but... he's another one who would probably prefer something a little more personalized. Being who he is, he's a very popular demon on Valentine's Day, so seeing you put in a little effort to get him something with a bit of Asmo-flair would thrill him.

Beelzebub

"Chocolates...? This is the best thing I could have asked for. They'll taste even better knowing they're from you."

Well, obviously he loves them. He probably tried to get you chocolates too, but it doesn't matter how much he loves you. Beel's gonna Beel. The box is empty. He's shocked. He was sure he left some.

Belphegor

"...Wait, it's...? ...Thanks, MC. They look really good."

Belphie stares down at the chocolates in his hands, looking tired and mellow, while he internally panics because holy shit, it's already February 14? When did that happen? He doesn't have anything for you. He hates Valentine's Day. Why does it have to exist and lay bare all his inadequacies, like being a procrastinator and forgetting to prepare for things in advance even to the slightest degree?

Diavolo

"Ah, for Valentine's Day! It's a delight to receive this in person!"

Diavolo probably gets plenty of Valentine's Day presents from admirers (and suck-ups) around the Devildom, but most of them come in the mail or are otherwise delivered in an impersonal manner. So when you approach him directly to give him some chocolates, he's reminded why you're everyone's favorite human (himself included).

Also, you'd better clear out your schedule, because Diavolo booked out all of Ristorante Six for a dinner date tonight. Yes, the entire thing. Yes, on Valentine's Day. No, he's not worried about the dozens of disappointed couples who had probably been hoping to eat there.

Barbatos

"Any gift from you is satisfactory in my eyes."

It's kind of embarrassing to give regular old chocolates to someone like Barbatos who's a complete whiz in the kitchen, especially when it comes to sweets. But you figure he'd appreciate the gesture, and you'd be right. Of course, he will turn around and present you with a variety of immaculate, handcrafted artisan chocolates, tailor made to your personal taste. But sure, those store-bought candies you got in the heart-shaped box are completely fine, so stop stressing out about it.

Solomon

"Aw, thank you, my adorable apprentice! I have some homemade chocolates for you! What? Aren't you going to try some?"

Solomon tries to kill you on Valentine's Day...with love, obviously! But seriously, aren't you going to try the chocolates? He put his whole heart into them. And the hearts of several unique Devildom species. They're not toxic, stop worrying.

Simeon

"The fact that you thought of me means more than you realize."

And he means it. The fact that you thought about him, and when thinking about him, made the active decision to buy him something for Valentine's Day makes him stupidly happy.

Simeon strikes me as a flowers kind of guy. He got you flowers. Maybe some homemade treats too, but definitely flowers.

Luke

"Thanks! I got you something too. Happy Valentine's Day!"

Luke made cookies. They're delicious. Befriending this kid is the smartest thing you ever did.

[silkenedstars]

Amongst the Flowers

After one of her many battles with the Swarm, Firefly wakes up to find herself within a flower field.

₊✦Honkai: Star Rail | Firefly x Fem!Reader | Contains spoilers for Penacony!!✦₊

₊✦ part i | part ii (wip) ✦₊

Additional Notes: I have a good reason for calling her Fyrefly instead of Firefly here I swear, unedited.

The place Fyrefly found herself in was nothing short of mesmerizing.

Pretty white flowers, ones that she wished she knew the names of, surrounded her body and engulfed her in their beauty. If this place was going to be her coffin, then Fyrefly had no complaints. She'd welcome her death with open arms as she stared up at the starry view right above her.

"Excuse me..."

Fyrefly opened her eyes, curiosity overtaking her as her gaze flickered towards the voice that called out to her.

Worry was etched into every corner of that person as she was leaning down to take a better look at Fyrefly. Worry, and a bit of fear. It saddened Fyrefly, that this woman — whoever she was — feared her for one reason or another, when Fyrefly wouldn't dare hurt anything that wasn't part of the swarm.

Or maybe that was the reason for her fear, she was part of the swarm and she feared that Fyrefly was going to kill her.

But she didn't look like any of the bugs that caused her so much trouble.

"Are you... dead?"

Fyrefly's eyes widened as she hastily sat up. "I'm not dead," she answered quickly, only for the voice of her mecha suit to override hers.

Ah, maybe that was why that woman looked so scared, Fyrefly was still in her suit. She wondered if she should get out of it... but she didn't want to break a rule just to reassure this stranger, especially with her entropy loss syndrome. If she wanted to comfort that woman, she'd have to pick another method.

But that came with another problem, how was she going to do that?

Without thinking, Fyrefly quickly grabbed a flower, ripped it from its roots and held it out towards the woman.

"Here, for you."

Thankfully, that seemed to calm the woman down. Her eyes, while still widened in fear, stared curiously at the flower Fyrefly was holding before cautiously taking it from Fyrefly's hands. Relief flooded through her as she watched the woman calm down and let out a sigh of relief.

"Sorry about the flower, by the way," Fyrefly added apologetically. "A- And for scaring you!"

She cringed, why was she starting to stutter now?

"It's… fine," the woman replied, almost hesitant as she gave Fyrefly a nervous smile, "I was just startled."

Fyrefly let out a sigh of relief before nodding. At least she didn't have to worry about that anymore, especially with her still having to deal with the Swarm. Now the only thing that was left to do was get back to—

"What's your name, by the way?"

Fyrefly paused. "My name…?"

"Your name," she nodded.

…Well, wasn't this troubling? Fyrefly never had a proper name to refer to herself with, only doing so with her designation when the need arose, so how would she answer this question? Maybe her designation would do her well? But she couldn't just tell that woman to call her Fyrefly Type-IV Strategic Assault Merch, could she? Oh, but she could certainly shorten it!

"…Sam," she finally answered, "You can call me Sam."

"Sam…" the woman repeated softly, gently. Her voice sending little tingles down Fyrefly's spine.

"…Do you have a name?" she then asked the woman in turn.

She paused for a moment before smiling up at Fyrefly. "Yeah, [Name]."

[Name]…

"[Name]."

It had a nice ring to it.

"Nice to meet you, Sam," the woman— no, [Name] said, extending her hand out for Fyrefly to take.

Fyrefly looked at the hand, hesitant to accept it as the chances of her seeing [Name] again wasn't so high. Her visit to this planet wasn't intentional so much as it was an accident, and she had to go back to her unit anyway. Still, accepting the hand offered to her would be the polite thing to do.

Fyrefly's sure it's the polite thing to do anyway.

She took [Name]'s hand in her own mechanical own, taking in how it seemed much smaller than her own; how it didn't seem to be scarred by the war against the swarm like Fyrefly's own were.

She couldn't help but feel a little envious.

"It's nice to meet you too," she replied before gently letting go of [Name]'s hand, "but I'm afraid I can't stay. I have to return to my unit."

"Oh? Okay…" [Name] looked at her, her smile a little nervous. "Goodbye, then…"

"Goodbye."

And with that, Fyrefly left; making sure to be careful so she wouldn't harm any of the flowers or accidentally set them on fire.

A part of her couldn't help but wonder, would she be able to return to this gorgeous flower field some day in the future?

…What a silly thought.

[safetycar-restart]

Getting feelings over Max releasing a little Lion named Jimmy as merch. It makes me think about how maybe its based off of little!Max’s favorite plushie. And how maybe little!Max wants to give you one too, and he’s all shy about giving you the present but also a little proud bc it was his idea? And look its here now?? Huhu. All your littles just give me all the feels 😭😭

Also the D/S au lestappen idea of having the same professional dom in Monaco tho. 👀👀👀 Like, how do they find about each other? Did they run into each other when one was leaving/arriving? Maybe after it at first they’re kinda awkward around each other? And then maybe if they’re at like a triple header and haven’t seen their dom in like 3 weeks, they kinda commiserate with each other over how much they miss them???

Aw okay yes I love both of these ideas so much!! I'm so happy you guys are enjoying all the littles content! And yeah I'm also loving this lestappen idea, so I'm gonna tag it with 'D/S AU - lestappen' so that we can group all the content about it because I would LOVE to discuss it more and develop it further. I'm gonna discuss each of these ideas a little bit and then I can always expand on them in future asks if you guys would like :))

LITTLE!MAX:

Jimmy the lion!!! Max is so so proud of him!! Of course max was absolutely terrified of releasing it as merch, and his management certainly looked at him like he'd gone insane when he first suggested it. But he wanted to do it so badly.

I almost think it's a way for max to accept his little space into his every day life? For so long he denied that aspect of himself, refused to acknowledge it until he couldnt stop a drop. He wouldn't prepare for it at all, never allowing himself to buy plushies or toys or cute jammies for his little self.

But now that he's grown to accept that side of him and actually allows himself to think about it and prepare for it and plan for it? He lets himself look over his schedule and allocate time just to regress and be cared for.

He's come so far and he just... he wants a way to represent his little self in his merch and in how people see him. The lion plushie is absolutely perfect for that and while his fans are a little confused when it gets announced, they absolutely LOVE it.

And oh my god of course he must give you one!! He's so nervous for that, so nervous to give you something like that because it's so so special to him. He waits until he's regressed, wrapping the present nicely in his adult headspace and leaving it with his toys for him to get when he regresses.

You're so shocked when little max crawls into your lap later and shyly hands you a gift, making you promise you won't laugh before you open it. And of course you love it!!! You give both your maxy and your new jimmy a forehead kiss, promising maxy that you'll take good care of your new plushie.

D/S AU - LESTAPPEN:

I love the idea that they run into each other outside of the building? So maybe you're a professional dom in Monaco known for being exclusive and private, so much so that you have your own studio that you use for scenes. This means that there's no way either of them could have been there for something different when they run into each other.

Max is exiting your studio, a small smile on his face and zero tension in his body because he's just finished his scene with you and he feels so good. What max loves about you is how you always give your subs as much aftercare as possible, allowing them to cuddle with you for hours until they're ready to leave.

On that day, max stayed even longer than usual so that when he left, Charles was already there waiting for his scene. Charles, conversely, was all stress and nervous energy. He needed this scene so bad, needed to be taken into subspace and made to feel whole again.

They're in shock when they run into each other, neither of them knowing what to say now that they knew. Even though both of them had official team doms to use an emergency, those doms couldnt raise a candle to you.

"You too?" max asks, surprised. Charles just nodded and headed inside, not being in the right headspace at all to think about the fact that max also scened with you.

Charles doesn't mention this to you when the scene starts, and he and max don't acknowledge it for weeks until it's the third race in a triple header and neither of them have been back to Monaco since before the triple header began.

Charles goes to max to complain about how much he misses you because he knows Max would understand. Anyone else he tells would just tell him to use the Ferrari team dom if he needs to be taken down, but no thats not what he needs. He needs you, and he knows max will understand.

Max does understand, and they end up talking about how good of a dom you are and how much they miss you. After that, they talk about it more and more.

I also think they'd start to talk about how much they both hate the idea of you domming other people? They know you're a professional dom and so of course you have other clients and neither of them have any right to be upset about that. But well... even though they're submissive they're both also possessive of you. They both want you with them all the time and their skin crawls when they think of how they're all alone missing you and you're busy domming other clients.

Interestingly, neither of them seem to mind that you dom the other though...

[strawberrybobamilk]

Cut Here (Part 5)

TWs: Language

"Whoa! That certainly wasn't the kind of greeting I expected" the blue eyed man chuckled as he sat down next to Trevor.

"Whatever" Trevor scoffed "Anyway my question was legitimate: what the fuck you want, who are you?"

"Geez, I just saw you sulking down this bridge and I just wanted to conversate" the man threw his hands in the air "In a bad mood today aren't we?"

"Yeah, no shit. And you still haven't told me who the fuck are you"

"Okay okay! I'm Michael. Michael Townley"

A few silent moments passed, as the Michael guy picked up a cigarette and a lighter from his pocket and started smoking.

"Trevor" a whisper-like voice came out of the long haired man "I'm Trevor Philips" he said in a louder voice as he noticed Michael turning to him.

Michael made a friendly smile at him as a cloud of grey smoke came out of his nostrils "Nice to meet you Trevor".

Another moment of silence descended upon them. Trevor was still blankly looking at his feet, but couldn't help but notice with curiosity the way Michael was looking ahead of him, as if he was calculating something, he could almost hear the sound of the gears turning in his head.

"What are you looking at?" Trevor finally asked.

Michael looked briefly at Trevor, then looked again in front of him, taking another long cigarette drag "You see that little shop over there?"

Trevor stopped looking down and instead looked in the direction Michael has been focusing on for all this time "Yeah. What about it?".

Michael spoke in an almost whispery voice, still looking carefully at the shop "No cars around it, no customers inside it. Just that one shopkeeper checking everything's in its right place. It's evening, almost closing time, which means he must have made some cash during daytime".

"So you wanna rob it?" Trevor asked, in an oddly calm voice.

Michael let out a little chuckle "Hello there Mr Smartypants" Trevor felt the sound of a gun clicking, and his eyes turned to see the barrel of a gun pointed to his temple, as Michael spoke in a quiet voice "Try saying something to the cops and we'll have a dead body to dispose".

To Michael's surprise, Trevor wasn't the least bit intimidated, and instead grinned and laughed "You really think I have a reason to go yapping to those LIARS?" his teeth clenched in an angered way at the word 'LIARS' "Me? Just some fucking 'UNSTABLE' hobo under a bridge? Me, who failed everyone and everything in his life? If I told them they wouldn't even believe me, they'd just lock me up somewhere in some shitty prison or something" he then turned his head to Michael, who was still looking intensely at him ready to press the trigger at any second, and Trevor leaned down making his forehead get perfectly aligned with the gun muzzle, still grinning "If you wanna kill me then go ahead, I won't stop you. You'll do me a favor if you do".

Some seconds that felt like an eternity passed, until Michael put away his gun with a "Fuck!".

"What?" Trevor asked in a surprised way.

Michael looked down at his gun and put it back in his pocket shaking his head "...fuck I can't do this..."

"What's the matter?"

Michael spat his now finished cigarette on the snowy ground and got up "It's hard to explain okay?!" he looked at the cigarette, then at the shop, then at Trevor who was still sat down, then hesitantly said "You wanna join me?"

"...what?"

"You heard me Trevor. You wanna learn how to do this? How to make some money? How to feel like..." he took a deep breath "...your life is worth living?"

Trevor pondered on Michael's words.

He didn't have anything to lose.

He has done way worse things in his life.

And if doing this kind of things would have made him "feel like... your life is worth living"...

Trevor got up and stared at his new mentor "Tell me what to do"

Michael smirked "Follow me".

I'm drowning in a whiskey river

Bathin' my memory's mind in the wetness of its soul

The unfortunate shopkeeper cleaned and rearranged his merch, enjoying that peaceful country song playing on the radio.

Feeling the amber current flowing from my mind

And leaving the heart you left so cold

Suddendly, the door violently slammed open, almost causing the door bell to fall and break. The shopkeeper turned with a jump and saw two men: one slightly chubby with blue eyes and short slick black hair, and the other one thinner with hazel eyes and long dark brown hair. The blue eyed one was holding a gun and he was the one shouting "Hands up!", while the hazel eyed one apparently was unarmed, yet still managed to appear even more threatening than his accomplice with a gun.

Whiskey river take my mind

And don't let her memory torture me

"You fuckin' deaf or what?!" the long haired one yelled as he stepped towards the scared shopkeeper, looking like a charging bull "Hands! Up! And take out the cash before I rip your fucking spine out! NOW!"

"Y-yes! Please don't hurt me" the shopkeeper pleaded as he immediately ran to the cash register.

"That's right. And don't play funny games" blue eyed guy said, as he briefly stared at his partner in crime with a surprised expression "Don't try calling the police, or you know what happens"

"Y-yes" the shopkeeper stuttered, as he was taking out all the banknotes as fast as he could.

"Which is using your brains as a paintbrush for these walls, if that ain't clear" hazel eyed guy taunted, obtaining another impressed look by blue eyed guy "Which to be honest this shop really needs, these walls are shit"

"Please don't!" the shopkeeper cried, handing them a big handful of banknotes "Please this is all I have, please don't kill me!"

"Atta boy" blue eyed guy took the money along with a pen, and tore a little piece of paper from the shopkeeper's notebook "Now let's go, come on!"

Whiskey river don't run dry

You're all I've got, take care of me

"Now what happens?" Trevor asked, following Michael.

"Now we run!" Michael panted "Keep following me!"

They both ran towards a car. Michael broke the window with his elbow and snaked his arm inside.

"You don't have a car of yours?" Trevor asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well, if you are a thief you should never use the same car at all times. Cops might track you down and find you if you do" Michael explained, as if he was explaining the most obvious thing ever "Besides, that guy said he's not gonna call the police. Everyone says that when they get robbed but it's better to never trust them when they say that. Just in case" the engine started rumbling "Now get in the car"

"Well then we should have actually killed the fucker. Just in case" Trevor scoffed as he entered the car and sat besides Michael, who already had his hands on the steering wheel.

"And clean all that mess, get rid of the body and all the evidence? Technically you could do that, but it's a pain in the ass, it's unnecessary, and takes longer. Scaring the shit outta them is enough anyway"

Trevor pouted and crossed his arms "Yeah but killing them is more fun and entertaining!"

Michael let out a laugh and rolled his eyes "Hold your horses, tough guy".

Michael drove around for some minutes, every once in a while he turned to look at Trevor, who was constantly staring at him throughout the whole drive.

Michael was the first to break the silence "This was your first robbery, right?"

"Yeah"

"You know... for your first time, it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad AT. ALL"

"You mean it?"

"Yes I do. I mean... 'rip your fucking spine out'? 'Using your brains as a paintbrush for these walls'?" Michael giggled in amusement "Where did you get these from?"

"Oh" Trevor just shrugged "Just came up with those on the spot, I don't really know"

"Really?"

"Yes, really"

"That... that's actually cool, Trevor! You're like... Mr. Cash"

"...who?"

"Mr. Cash, you know. That dark, gritty and tormented protagonist in search for vengeance, from Solomon Richards' latest movie, and..." Michael turned to see a rather puzzled looking Trevor "...yeah, nevermind".

The drive proceeded in a very peaceful and upbeat way, both of the men chatting, joking and laughing with each other.

Once they were in a safe area, they both exited the car, and Michael handed Trevor's share. Not before using the pen and the small paper piece he stole earlier to write something Trevor couldn't see.

"Here" Michael said as he gave Trevor's share, still holding the paper piece in his other hand "Hey... did you, enjoy doing this? Your first robbery?"

Trevor looked at the handful of banknotes. He was feeling a mix of emotions. He was feeling...

"like your life is worth living"

"Yes. Yes I did Michael"

"Good. Then have this too, and call me whenever you wanna do something like this again" Michael said smiling as he handed him the piece of paper, and patted his arm before leaving "You're a good partner Trevor, really".

They waved bye at each other, and Trevor looked at the paper piece: it was a phone number.

After a couple days spent roaming around that lone snowy town like he always did, Trevor kept thinking about that robbery he just partaked into. About the adrenaline flowing in his veins. About those beautiful blue eyes admiring him like no one else ever did. About how he felt alive.

"Call me whenever you wanna do something like this again"

Trevor picked up Michael's number from his pocket, put a coin inside the phone booth, and started dialing the number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Michael. It's me, Trevor. Shall we... do another job together?"

He could feel Michael grinning from the other end "I was waiting for your call Trevor".

[vogelmeister]

omg your tags on the reblog of my post - that's word for word how i feel and i HATE it, things have felt artificial to me since 1989, reputation was better but ever since lover it's felt like that 1000x more idk.. it just sucks but yeah you're not the only one feeling that way :')

THANK YOU! It's really nice to see that someone else has been feeling this way and I really begun to think deeply into why I feel like this. And you're right, it has really been since rep that it has felt... idk, less authentic.

I remember during the red and 1989 era, taylor was doing a lot of shit that actually showed how much she loved us. And by all means, she didn't have to, but it was little things such as the hidden notes in her album lyric books that made me feel a bit more connected to her. Not to mention stuff like swiftmas, the secret sessions and of course t-party all made us feel like one big family and that she was actually thankful for us. She didn't gain anything out of this, it was all "for the fans" and it made being a swiftie loads of fun, especially those hidden messages, which lbr costed nothing to keep doing. (1989 was her last i think)

Nowadays, when she does it, it feels more calculated and less authentic and I get maybe it's a safety thing that she can't do secret sessions and swiftmas etc anymore, but now even when she does things for the fans, it's stuff like releasing loads of versions of the one album so we all buy it (see, the midnight clock), and because we have this relationship we built up with her, we feel we owe our loyalty. It feels like she does these things to show she cares, but she wants our money in return. And believe me, there's other ways you can show it. The wiping of her social media defs slightly killed her authenticity, I think. Even though I understand why she did it, it certainly didnt help her relationship with the fans or it's authenticity. I do believe she still is thankful for us, but I can't help but notice the business aspect creeping in, and I just wish a lot of swifties knew you don't have to buy in to it. She's human, she has flaws, you don't have to always defend her, or buy her merch. It's almost business at this point, and I hate it.

I hate it. And I hate it more because I almost understand why its like this.

[syrupspinner]

i just defeated Shantae and the Seven Sirens

if that lobster girl isnt running the warp station in the next game we riot

is it weird for me to say i expected the other half-genies to have the same skin colour as shantae? like, uncle mimic has pretty light skin, and considering genies are arabian folklore, i expected that genies had middle eastern complexions and shantae was like, fantasy biracial. but no, except for the girl that was specifically invoking polynesian culture (she wore a grass skirt and a flower belt), they were all paler than shantae.

anyway, starting off, part of the fun for me was that the game is surprisingly challenging. its not like, balls-to-the-wall or anything like that, but it certainly offered more difficulty than Risky's Revenge, the entry im most familiar with. my understanding was that the game had a definitive edition update, that rebalanced the difficulty. i think they did great as far as the enemies are concerned! i had an enjoyably prickly time dealing with them. i died a few times, which is a normal and enjoyable part of a reasonably challenging game. the only shame about that is the dancing. instead of transformations, which are now dedicated abilities (like the air dash making you a newt for a sec) theyre abilities like seeing invisible stuff and restoring health. as an aside, i thought the seer ability would let you, yknow, see into the hidden nsmbw-style alcoves, but it just sparkles where the entrance is, except for when it doesnt in the dungeons sometimes? its weirdly inconsistent. anyway, the updated rebalance made them cost (more?) mana while giving you a little notification when youre supposed to use em. i think this is a little lame. i get why they did it this way, because if you just blindly used it everywhere like plink tells you, then youd run out of mana. plus, how are you supposed to know when invisible things are their anyway? it just seems like it loses out on a fun explorative aspect that was originally intended by limiting it so much. i cant get pleasantly rewarded when my hunch about a secret is proven right, i have to be a good little gamer and put the spell-shaped key in the spell-shaped hole like they tell me to. it didnt ruin the game, it was just a little dissapointing.

one thing i really wanna compliment the game on is natural tutorials and use of antepieces. remember arin hansens megaman x video? yeah, those. pretty much every difficult enemy encounter, and almost every enemy period, shows you how it acts before its a threat. my favourite example is the siren enemy (theyre called... rocket archers??) you see on your way to the second dungeon. i got right to the ledge it was above, saw it charging up an attack, and waited that out before jumping at it. the projectile slowly started curving around me in a wide arc before fizzling out... oh, its homing. now i know how to dodge the next siren enemy, which is on a flatter plane. the game is at its best when it uses these antepieces well, and at its worst when it just kinda forgets. wetgals, yes thats really their name, are boss mooks that do and take a lot of damage. their charge attacks are hard to see coming if you dont have enough experience to intuit how long they wait, and they have a bad habit of turning into water and disengaging. your first encounter with them is a 2-on-1 ambush, which after an ambush with wall-clinging lizards that bounce awkward projectiles at you, and then the lizards and the wetgals simultaniously. the bizarre part is that the lizards were perfectly antepieced in the previous room... why is this so inconsistent?

thats the thing about this game. its very one step forward, one step back. like, the writing is really charming! except for the part where beloved character squid baron buys you from the black market to keep in his merch collection? that was just weird and offputting. the music is solid, but not as catchy and memorable as the previous games. the transformations are more streamlined, but the dancing still slows things down. frankly, its impressive that the game way really enjoyable despite all this. usually things that are pulled in different directions like this just feel hammered together and lacking identity. thats not how i would describe Seven Sirens at all! instead, there were just some bumps that i found to be less enjoyable. also, the game has so many fetch quests, cmon now

there are a lot of details that really go a long way in setting the ambiance. i love how you can see the tinkerbats futzing around more and more as you encounter risky, i love those little castlevania transition rooms where you can just look out into the pretty underwater (because otherwise itd be kind of easy to forget all the dungeons are underwater, a central theme), i love how literally every npc has a unique design and change what they say based on game progress. sequin land is a really fun setting, and a big part of it is details like that

oh, and as a quick aside, i couldve sworn that shantae was voiced by christine marie cabanos (madoka, chiaki nanami, amitie puyo puyo) because of how cutesy her voice was, but it was actually christina valenzuela (homura, monaca towa, noel vermillion)! she's voiced both her and risky since Pirate's Curse, which is exactly when i stopped playing the series. i was surprised by the range, because im not familiar with characters that shes voice in ways similar to shantae or risky (except maybe killua?), while they still sound really different from each other. sorry im kind of a nerd about voice actors. anyway,

should you play this game? well, yes, i had a great time with it. but theres context. i wouldnt recommend this as someones first shantae game, even considering the beginner mode. sure, maybe if youre a newcomer to videogames as a medium, and/or you hate any kind of difficulty at all, but otherwise there are better options. no judgement for casual modes btw, i totally get just wanting to relax with a digital vacation instead of a perilous adventure, but in that case theres stuff like simulator games and sandboxes. i havent played every shantae, but i hear half genie hero is a great point of introduction, both in story and difficulty. but if youre a metroidvania veteran and you dont mind not having the full context for some of the characters, then go for it!

[nickgerlich]

Here, Take My Money

The era of streaming has found viewers with plenty to talk about in the hallway or wherever you gather to chat.“Watched any good shows lately?” “Let me tell you about…” “You really need to watch…”

In fact, finding, watching, and sharing shows has become a new social norm, and to be into certain shows is almost a badge of honor. So much so that now we want to tell the world how cool we are by wearing our favorite shows. I’m guilty. I wore my Stranger Things stocking cap yesterday for a chilly morning walk. And I have a t-shirt and sweatshirt in the closet.

The networks have watched this, duly noted the trend, and obliged us with merch. There’s plenty of stuff available online from them for their big shows, like Hulu’s Only Murders In The Building (You really ought to watch this!) and What We Do In The Shadows (Oh man, have I laughed during Season 4!), and Max’s The Righteous Gemstones (I’m probably going to hell for liking it, but it is so good!).

In recent years, Netflix even opened pop-up shops around the country. I visited the Stranger Things store last year at Grapevine Mills Mall near Dallas. It was over the top, part TV show museum, part retail. The whole idea was customer engagement, which is a big deal these days. It worked.

And now Netflix is taking it to the next level in announcing they will open two permanent stores in 2025. Netflix House will invite visitors to immerse themselves into the show, buy merch, eat themed food, and maybe even try a Squid Game obstacle course.

Whaaaat? Everyone who failed those courses in the show died straight away. I presume there will be no losers in Netflix House. I hope. Would I do it? Oh yeah.

The goal, of course, is just basic marketing. Yes, it will certainly add to revenues, but more importantly, it will keep subscribers engaged and paying their bill each month. This is increasingly important with rising subscription fees and tight consumer budgets.

This all makes sense. Whereas Disney has theme parks to reinforce their movies, the streamers have nothing aside from those pop-ups Netflix has been doing. And while Netflix House is a big step forward, it still pales compared to going to see the Mouse in Florida or California.

Now compare this to linear broadcasting. When was the last time you saw folks doing this for a weekly show? I’ll wait. Sure, they had eyeballs, but not wallets. It’s too bad that AMC did not see the future in this, because it took my two friends to open the Breaking Bad Store in Albuquerque on their own. They have done exceedingly well, and although they opened after Breaking Bad’s run, they were open for part of Better Call Saul, the prequel. AMC aired both shows linearly via cable, so I guess it is not surprising they were stuck in the old-school mode.

If you want to hear my friends’ story, check out my podcast interview with them in Season 1 Episode 25 of BuffSpeak. These guys are too funny.

The root of all the excitement can be found in one word: Fandom. I’ve written about this before, particularly in regard to sports teams. The digital era has allowed for fandom to take off in new ways, connecting like-minded people around the world, not just in your local market.

Basically, it is easier than ever to find your people, your tribe. Better yet, thanks to streaming, we do it all in our own time. The M.A.S.H. finale drew 105 million viewers in February 1983, but they all had to tune in at the same time. In contrast, 142 million households—arguably much more than just individual viewers—watched Netflix’ Squid Game. I got so sucked in that I was watching it at 3:00 in the morning, consuming it the way precisely how Netflix intended.

I bet that Hulu, Max, and the others will be watching closely. Paramount+ (owned by CBS) could do well selling official Yellowstone merch (I have a couple of hoodies my daughters found online). Apple+ could do likewise with some of its excellent shows.

Meanwhile, my Funko Pop Squid Game characters are watching me as I type, more evidence that this fandom thing is here to stay. And whatever the next cool show to come along, you can bet there will be a huge push to monetize it.

Now if I could only find the remote…

Dr “Living In The Upside Down” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[voidselfshipp]

The night we met

Cw: gun mentions,scene of a character getting shot,alusion to a bad household. Lmk if I missed anything else. Implied age gap between s/I N Aaron (s/I is of age and goes to university)

Summary: Miles takes Jerico to a party so his parents stop asking who hes hanging out with. There,she meets miles' uncle and they hit it off. Staying through thick and thin together.

->Only mutuals allowed to reblog.

->Aaron aint dead fuck you sony.

--They gotta meet one of you guys! If not ill never get 'em off my back!--Miles complained at the rest of the spider people, which were all hanging off a ledge casually.

--Well...the only two of us that would come across as your Friends would be Jerico and Gwen--Peter B Parker said sitting on the floor.

--Well I have no issue going--Jerico added--I should go shopping though...

--Do you even have money?--Miles asked,now a little hopeful.

--yeaah Man. I have a job back in my dimention, its in my bag with the rest of my stuff-- she replied with a smile-- Sooooo eho wants to go shopping?

After a shopping trip that,admitedly, took a little too long, Miles allows Jerico to shower in his house and get changed. Since everyone was on the rooftop nobody noticed them.

Once she was done, she gets changed and both go up at the rooftop. Its loud with music and people, the smell of food permeated the air and Jerico felt right at home--Reminds me of Argentine parties! Oh I feel right at home

--Hey thats good!--Miles cheered shaking her hand--Mi casa es tu casa

--Ma' vale!-- she cheers too, putting an arm around Miles and walking through the crowd-- do I gotta reffer to your parents as "Sir" n' "Ma'am"?

--Yeah

--Cool, im getting some food after--jeri added, finally reaching miles' parents. She straightens up and lets her arm fall from her Friends shoulder.

--Mom, dad, This is Jerico, one of my Friends from that New friendgroup I told you about--Miles said gesturing at the woman beside jer

--Pleasure to meet you Miss and Mr. Morales--Jerico chirped, extending her hand

--Oh, pleasure to meet you too--Rio said shaking her hand, her husband soon following and doing the same-- Jerico is a really interesting name!

--Ah thank you ma'am. Its my chosen name-- the younger woman replied with a small polite smile.

--oh, i see. Thats good!. Can I ask how you And the rest of the Group met Miles?

--Oh of course! We met at comicon, its a convention for all things nerdy, movies,videogames,TV series--She explains,lying seems second nature to her-- And we were at a stand dedicated to Peter Parker and I made a comment about the merch there and it Turned into conversation and we all sort of got to know eachother

-- oh thats...Interesting--Jeff,miles' dad, said-- where are the others?

--Ah well, Penny is a little younger than us by a few years and shes got a lot of extracurricular activities, shes really into technology--She starts, gesticulating with her hands-- Peter has to take care of his university assigments and Gwen had ballet classes

--And you? Do you have anything else to do?--the Man asked,almost Interrogating her. Miles tries to tell jerico to let him handle it but she gives him a slight head shake.

--Yeah, I go to volleyball classes but on a different day. I also have acting classes but they got cancelled this week because the teacher called in sick. Shame, shes really nice

Río Gently slaps Jeff's arms and adds--Oh I see, well I hope your teacher gets better soon. Please go enjoy the party

--Thank you Ms.Morales-- jerico said politely-- nice to meet you! C'mon miles lets go get some food, im starving-- with a final nodd towards her Friends parents both her and miles leave for a less crowded part of the terrace.

--Why are you so good at lying?!--Miles whisper shouted-- They belived you! And mom certainly likes you!

--Look, when you live in a strict household you learn a thing or two--She shrugged, fast walking to close the gap between her and the table where the foods and drinks were. She grabs one of the glasses with juice and some of the food she places on a small plate-- now we can enjoy the party!

--Yeah...yeah youre right--Miles sighed in relief--you saved my ass back there,you know?

--Yeah, but thats what we are here to do. Youre my friend n' I look out for ya--She smiled pushing him slightly.

The rest of the party goes on without a hitch, Jerico gets to dance for a bit while Miles says hi to his uncle. He hugs him tight and smiles widely.

--Hey uncle aaron!--miles chirps--Glad you could make it!

--Me too kiddo. What have you been up to?

--Ah nothing much, school and all--He shrugged half lying.

--Really? 'Cuz your dad told me you brought a girl with you here--Aaron teased with a smirk.

--Oh no-- i mean yeah-- but not that way!--the younger Man panicked-- shes th-there on the dancefloor!-- he points at jerico, dancing to some salsa, the end of her Oxford jeans flailing about while she spins. Her baby hairs bouncing with her. She was wearing a croptop t-shirt with the logo of Harley Davidson on it,  her white leather jacket scattered on one of the Chairs, her tattoo covered arms on full display, and her black heavy boots hit the ground softly but still made a sound.

Aaron's eyes go wide, he looks at his nephew surprised-- And what the hell are you doing not dancing with her?! Go Man!--He Gently pushed miles towards the dancefloor.

--But--Uncle its not that way! I swear!--Woah!-- hes about to trip and fall before jerico catches him-- hey!

--Hey! Wanna dance?-- miles asked getting up.

--Yeah Man! Lets boogie!

Half an hour later, Jerico leaves the dancefloor to Miles so she could Grab something to drink, shes pouring some juice in her glass when someone steps beside her. She looks out of instict and she sees a Man, bald with a goatee and thin moustache,Brown eyes. Dressed in jeans, tshirt and leather jacket with boots,all black.

--You must be Miles' friend!--The Man said once he noticed she was staring-- Im Aaron Davis, Miles' uncle -- he extends his hand

--Jerico Castro--she replied taking his hand and shaking it, her eyes never leaving his. The music was being drowned out by the hard pounding of her heart, she looks away and says-- sorry for starin' you dont look like miles much

--Its alright,kid-- he reassured grabbing the jug of juice she sets down on the table,their hands barely touching-- He got his looks from his old Man

--Ye-Yeah he did huh?--She agreed trying to recompose herself-- But he evident got your personality

Aaron snorts, then he nodds while he pours himself some juice--Yeah, its that so obvious?

--Well, when I spoke with your brother it felt like he was interrogating me--She admitted biting down on some chips nearby.

--Yeah, that sounds like classic Jeff--He admitted--Sorry about that

--S'fine--jerico reassured, finally taking the courage to look at him again. She non-chalantly sits on the table, glass resting beside her, legs crossed-- but im glad Miles has someone to be himself with

--sounds like youre talking from experience--The Man comments, amused. He sits beside her on the table and looks at her.

--Ye-Yeah-- she cleared her throat and then repeated in a firmer voice-- yeah, I mean... I know whats like to have a family you cant crack jokes with or be yourself with... --She looked at her glass, as if remembering something unpleseant.

--I- sorry.. I didnt mean to bring up a bad memory,kiddo--He said Gently, putting a hand on her shoulder.

--Uh no no..its fine-- Jeri replied leaning into his touch a little-- I dont live with em anymore so.. truly Its fine

--If you say so... But, Im glad you got out of there-- He offered her a polite smile-- Lemme make it up to you by taking you out for a dance

--You dont have to buuuut-- she mused with a smirk, offering her hand-- Lets go dance

--Si señorita-- he chuckled taking her hand and guiding her to the dancefloor.

For the Next hour or so, Miles watches as his uncle and best friend flirt with eachother, never leaving each other's sides for more than ten minutes. Hes both impressed and mildly uncomfortable, not that he would stop them. Jerico was her own person.

Yet its endearing to watch his uncle be vulnerable. How he sits a little closer to jerico,how he holds her gaze and looks at her with a soft smile as she talks,fully inmersed in what shes saying.

In return,his friend looks at aaron like he hung the moon and stars, her eyes basically shinning when he talks, how she leans in quite a bit and pays attention to every Word he says

As the party comes to a close, and the final last slow songs play, the pair dances in comfortable silence under the late night Sky. He twirls her around and then pulls her flush against his chest. Theres a flirty undertone to their movements, And as the song reaches its best most dramatic part, their faces are barely inches away from eachother.

Jerico's heart feels like its about to explode right out of her chest, specially as she leans in a little and he does too. Though delighted as his lips meets hers, Like a quiet confirmation. She of course kisses back, hugging his neck and melting as his arms wrap protectively around her waist.

By the end of the party, jerico has to leave, but not before Aaron hands her a piece of paper--Call me,Will you? -- he flirted,winking at her.

--I will--She promised with a smile tucking the paper on her pocket and waving at him as he left.

As both miles and her go down the stairs towards the entrance of his appartment building, her friend says--Did you seriously spend the whole night with my uncle?

--Why? You have a problem with that?

--No. I just have never seen his charm up close-- He shrugged.

--Your uncle is very charming-- she agreed,voice low and face red.

--Dont break his heart Will you?--He teased elbowing her softly on the ribs.

--Me? Tell your uncle not to break MY heart--She teased right back pushing his shoulder forcefully but with no intentions of hurting him.

--hey, need a lift back to aunt Mays?

--No. Im fine. -- she reassured-- thank you though, I had fun today

--y'sure did-- he joked extending her hand-- Text me when you get back

She shook his hand, doing their little handshake-- Will do, night miles

--Night

Jerico starts walking away, making sure to be out of sight when she starts climbing up the walls of buildings and soon jumping from building to building. Doing spins and other stunts mid air.

She takes a breather sitting on the edge of one of the buildings, looking at the city below. Jeri doesnt notice the figure looming behind her hidden in the shadows, scanning her to see if she was a threat.

He inches closer and closer and suddenly that odd ripple feeling in her head makes her notice danger was nearby. She turns around and sees a large figure, mask and sharp claws, she jumps in her place and stands up hands ready to defend herself.

The prowler... she recognized him. But theres something oddly familiar..Like she had seen him before a short while ago.

--I mean you no harm...-- he stated, voice low and distorted.

--Sure. Thats why you were in the shadows staring at me like a creep--she bit back , hearing a low distorted chuckle come from. The Man.

--Touche...but you look like someone im looking for...or at least your jacket does

--Well...im sure theres plenty of people with white leather jackets-- she takes a step to the side and gestures at her previous spot-- By all means Keep going on your way!

The prowler walks up to her and ruffles her hair. --Arent you adorable kiddo-- he teased before jumping off to the Next building.

And then something connects in her brain as she leaves. Aaron called her kiddo a lot. But..it was far fetched,he was a good Man...right? There was no way he was the prowler...

Shaking off her flusteredness, she keeps going until she reaches aunt mays house. Just by the time the sun rises. Jerico collapses on her bed and sighs audibly,she had enough for one day.

Some days pass after that, between making a plan to return to their dimentions jerico had barely any time to call and text Aaron. But, thankfully, when her glitching wasnt that bad she managed to hang out with him, and go on some few dates that defenetly were not dates.

But it all comes crashing down when the rest of the bad guys follow miles into May's home. It all happens so fast,battle, fights, things being thrown all throughout the house, miles leaves as The prowler chases him.

The news that Aaron was ,in fact, the prowler hadnt finish setting in yet in her brain. But,she follows after him to make sure miles was safe.

Yet...it all comes to a stop as Kingpin shoots Aaron. Jerico yells her lungs out stopping him mid fall, and with her help Miles brings his uncle to an alleyway.

She takes off her mask as tears go down her eyes--No...dont...-- she beggs holding his face in her hands. Miles had his own little dramatic moment with him, she was desperate to see him one last time.

--So it was you..--he gasps out with his last bits of breath-- that night on that building

--Yeah...--She whimpers -- Please dont leave...stay

--Man...Youre even more beautiful upclose--He whispers leaning in to press his forehead against hers.

--Shut up...Keep your strength..--She begs again holding his hands.

--Thank you for the time we spent together

--Aaron shut up! Just Keep breathing...

--you're amazing, kiddo. Dont forget that-- he gasps out before going limp in her arms, she sobbs loudly and cries her eyeballs out. That is until they hear Sirens and police approaching.

Miles and Jerico have to leave as Jeff chases him from behind, both swing from column to building. Tears in their eyes.

Some days pass before they all leave. During those days jerico doesnt come out of her room, she only talks to Noir and sometimes Penny. She eats in her room and does nothing but sketch moments she spent with aaron.

"--In my world there is no M.Jane-- she told Noir once-- No romantic interest...just me, N' I thought I had found it here...but apparently..no--"

One night however, she sneaks into Aaron's apparment, hopefully to be with his things and miss him less. But just as shes about to close the door she had stepped in from, she hears the clicking of a gun and a raspy voice-- Dont you dare move, turn around..

Jerico does as shes told, ready to slingweb the gun out of her assilants hand. But as her eyes meet the figure threatening her, she stops...its...!

--Aaron?! --She exclaims and suddenly the lights go on.

--Jerico?!--A very bruised Aaron mimicked-- the hell are you doing here?!-- he lowers the gun and holds his chest, evidently he had a hard time staying on his feet

--How the hell are you still alive?!--She runs up to him and helps him stand up.

--I barely survived...but I couldnt stay in the hospital or Kingpin would come to finish the job...--He explained-- Sorry I didnt tell you sooner or

--Aaron,shut up-- she commanded guiding him to his bedroom-- youre in no position to even text me...lay down, ill make some food for you

--You dont have to-

--Aaron Davis...you fucking died in my arms-- she stated once he was fully laid down-- youre going to let me make you some food, cuddle up with you and spend the night here,you understand?!-- her voice was broken,but she tried to make it sound firm, tears threaten to spill and her eyes are wide.

--I am so sorry-- He apologized pulling her in for a hug-- I didnt know you cared about me so much

--Are you kidding me...?-- she whimpered crying against his neck-- I care about you so much... theres nothing to apologize for...it wasnt in your controll

-- Im really sorry kiddo-- his hand Strokes her hair and his lips press against her cheek-- Please,go make that dinner

She smiles and kisses his forehead--On it handsome, you stay right here

And as she crosses the threshold of the bedroom entrance she hears--does it look like I can go anywhere?!

Jerico laughed loudly shaking her head--Alright Point taken!

After a good dinner (which, was one of the best food Aaron ever had) Both lay down on the bed. He holds her tight against his chest, she looks up and without thinking she kisses him. He gladly kisses back hugging her a little tighter.

--I love you-- he whispers against her hair.

--I love you too-- She mutters holding one of his hands.

--I know you have to go back to your dimention but...come visit, please-- he Begged softly.

--You know I Will. I'll find a way-- she promised-- now lets go rest

--Night kiddo

--night

[beels-burger-babe]

All is Fair in Dice and War

***Soooo, @bagelsinatoaster I love this request. However, you didn't specify which board game and as I am a huge nerd I decided to take some creative liberties and combine this with another idea I've been meaning to write which is: MC introducing the demon bros to Dungeons and Dragons. I certainly had fun with this and I hope you like it!*** Summary: Leviathan's world is flipped upside down when MC tells him there is a game that basically allows him to be the Lord of Shadows in real life!! He demands that his brothers join him as MC introduces them all to the chaotic shit show that is Dungeons & Dragons. For once, it was a peaceful day in the House of Lamentation. Lucifer was lounging in the living room with a cursed record playing softly in the background. For once, Satan had willingly joined him and was sitting by the fireplace, thumbing through a book on the human world. Belphie had been passed out on the couch when he arrived and was still laying there with an impressive puddle of drool collecting near his mouth. Even Asmodeus and Beel had joined in, with Asmodeus gently humming to himself as he painted his nails and Beelzebub happily munching on a snack as he enjoyed the sight of his family getting along. Yes. It was perfectly quiet and peaceful, and Lucifer didn't even have any traces of his regular migraine. But of course, nothing good lasts forever. Everyone jumped as the door slammed open and a wide-eyed Leviathan dragged you into the room. The two you very closely followed by Mammon loudly complaining. "Oi! You're gonna hurt them! Cut it out, Levi!" Lucifer sighed and closed his eyes, momentarily mourning the peace that he had just barely begun to enjoy, and closed his book. "Leviathan, let MC go. What are you freaking out about this time?" Lucifer regretted asking the moment the words left his mouth. Levi looked at it with the expression he only ever got when his limited edition Ruri-Chan merch arrived; his eyes were wide and glittering with excitement while his face bore a grin so large that Lucifer was surprised it didn't rip his skin. The third-born was practically vibrating as he let go of your wrist and pushed you forward. "Tell them! Tell them about the game!"

You laughed at Levi's excitement and casually rubbed your wrist. "I was just telling Leviathan about a game that we play in the human world called Dungeons and Dragons-" "You get to make a fantasy world that everyone plays in, and everyone makes characters. You can be a wizard and cast spells against a huge monster! Or a war hero fighter that has been betrayed by his brother! Or a noble knight who is looking for his lost kingdom! And the best part is that it's real!" Levi interrupted, nearly jumping in place as stars danced in his eyes. You put your hands out towards him to try and calm him a bit. "Well, not entirely real. It is played in person, but it's a role play tabletop game, meaning it mostly relies on the players' imagination. That is unless you have thousands of dollars to spend on 3D maps and figurines of your characters." Levi's eyes grew even wider, if possible, as he started shaking his hands up and down. "I CAN HAVE A FIGURINE OF A CHARACTER THAT I MADE?! GAAAAAAAAAHH!" A pillow flew across the room and hit Levi square in the face as a now awake Belphegor glared at him. "Will. You. Shut. Up?" the Avatar of Sloth hissed as a dark dangerous aura grew around him. Beel gently patted his twin's head in hopes of calming him. Leviathan pouted as he noticed no one else seemed to be getting excited about it. "C-Come on guys! This isn't even a video game! It's a thing that we can all do together and personalize it to be something that everyone will like. It'll be fun! Right MC?" You nodded as you gently tossed Belphie's pillow back over to him. "Yeah. I love D&D. I played it all the time in the human world. There's action, suspense, and even romance if you really wanted it," a couple of the brothers perked up at that. "I could put together a one-shot for you guys to try it out if you'd like? I'll help you make your characters, and we can all get together for an evening and play it sometime in a couple weeks." The room went quiet as everyone thought it over. Most of them had no interest in the game itself, but if it was organized by you... "I'm in," Beel decided with a nod. "I think it will be fun. All of us trying something new; it could be neat." Satan casually flipped a page in his book, "The creative aspect of it is definitely appealing. We'd be the masters of our own fate, and that most certainly piques my interest." Asmodeus smirked as he put the cap on his nail polish. "And you said it could be whatever we want? My, one might say that this game could help our wildest fantasies come true~" he made sure to wink at you as he giggled. Belphie, who had only just got back his pillow, scrunched up his face in disgust and launched it at Asmo. "Don't make this weird Asmo," he looked over at you and shrugged, "So long as you do all the work in putting together the character thing, sure. Why not?" Mammon looked over at you from the corner of his eye. "Ya mean to tell me, that you can make it so I'm some awesome, rich, and powerful prince?" Asmo scoffed as he pushed the pillow off his lap. "Please Mammon, even the world of make-believe has its limitations." Mammon blushed as he growled at his brother. You just chuckled and teasingly elbowed his side. "Don't listen to him, Mammon. There is a set amount of how much money you start out with depending on your class and background, but I'm sure we can find something that will make you happy." The second-born blushed even more as he grumbled quietly under his breath. Lucifer tilted his head in thought. "I suppose that if everyone else is playing, naturally I must as well," he stood and began to make his way to his office. "I look forward to seeing what you come up with MC." The next two weeks were spent planning and carefully figuring out the details of the one-shot and the characters that everyone was going to play. Levi was, of course, the first one who came to you to build his character. The two of you spent hours going through the Player's Handbook and sourcebooks to find the perfect build to recreate the Lord of Shadows. In the end, you put

together a human fighter that you gave a couple magic items to make Levi's vision really come to life. It seemed basic, but for the Lord of Shadows, it was perfect. The moment the two of you finished, Levi dove to his computer and ordered a custom-made mini that looked exactly like his character. Satan was genuinely interested in the game, especially after he learned about all the lore and rules behind the different classes and races. You had just been chilling in your room one day when the door burst open. Satan stood there with wide eyes holding a copy of Volo's Guide to Monsters. "MC, why didn't you tell me there are cat people?!" You chuckled, knowing exactly where this was going. "They're called tabaxi, but yeah, they're basically cat people. Would you like to play as one?" He scoffed and snapped the book shut. "Is that even a question? Of course, I'm playing as one." After some discussion and bouncing back and forth between classes a couple of times, Satan settled on a tabaxi druid; that way he not only looked like a cat, but he could speak to them as well. After a few days of you spending time with his brothers focusing on getting their characters ready, Mammon came to you wanting the coolest, most epic character ever. At first, it was clear that he wasn't fully invested in the process, but as he saw the customizable options and all the cool stuff that his character could have, you got his attention. You ended up designing a golden teifling rogue (you tried to tell Mammon that teifling usually wasn't yellow, but he gave you such a sad look that you couldn't say no) that was decked out with piercings and gems all over its horns and tail. He tried to act like he wasn't that excited about it, but one day during class you caught him doodling what looked like a stick figure version of the character on his sheet with a big smile on his face. Asmodeus came in shortly after Mammon finished,

insisting on having the most charming and beautiful character there was. You tapped your chin at the request. "I mean, stereotypically bards are extremely charming and...well seductive...almost too seductive. But that's only thei-" Asmo had hearts in his eyes before you could even finish. "That's what I want to be!" You sighed and made a mental note not to include any dragons in the session as you marked Asmo down to be an elven bard and helped him create his character sheet. You hadn't heard anything from Lucifer for nearly that entire first week, until one day as you were lounging in the living room, he walked in holding a stack of resource books. "Ah, MC. I've been looking for you. I wanted to inform you that I will be playing a half-elf multiclassing as a paladin and hex-blade warlock." You blinked at him as he put all the books down in front of you. "O-Oh. Would you like help putting together your character sheet?" He just grinned and began to make his way out of the room once more. "I've already done it. I must admit that this was quite a bit more interesting than I thought it would be," and with that he was gone, leaving you to try and figure out what had just happened. With only a few days left until the one-shot, you had to go find the twins and get them to make their characters. Beel apologized like crazy for you having to track him in down in order to get his character made. The poor guy was in the middle of peak Fangol season and had completely forgotten. Once the two of you sat down in the kitchen with an empty character sheet in one hand and snacks in the other, Beel gave you his full attention. He put a lot of thought in his character and wanted to make it really good since he appreciated that you were doing something that they could all do as a family. He bashfully decided to play a halfling. Not only did the little creatures share his love for food, but he thought it would be neat to try being small for once. His class was also a surprise. After carefully flipping through all of the class options, he had eventually settled on a cleric. "They're the healers, right? This way I can help the others if someone gets hurt." You gave him a huge hug then and there. Belphegore, on the other hand, was not so easy to work with. "Belphie, come on. Just flip through the book and choose something!" He groaned into his pillow and rolled onto his side to glare at you. "I told you I would play if you did all the work for me. Me flipping through a book is work. It's not happening." After an entire hour of trying to get him to cooperate, you gave up. In retaliation you made his character a goblin barbarian, just to drive in the fact of how much of a brat he was acting like.

Finally, the day came for you all to play the one-shot, and much like you expected, it was complete and utter chaos. You had tried to maintain some structure and keep everyone on track, but it was hopeless. Levi and Satan were taking the game seriously and, Diavolo bless them, were the only reason their party was making any progress. Mammon was trying to pick-pocket every non-player character that they met while Asmo distracted them by flirting. This worked great for them until Mammon got caught and would've died from the resulting injuries if it wasn't for Beel. Speaking of Beel, the poor fella was trying his best to do well in the game but kept getting confused by all the rules and different stats and modifiers. Belphegor spent most of his time, trying to explain it to his twin, but in the end, Beel accidentally ate his dice and Belphie passed out on his shoulder. And then there was Lucifer. He had been mostly quiet the entire game. Surprisingly, he let Levi and Satan take the charge in any investigations and puzzle-based interactions, but he did so with a smirk. You had a funny feeling in your stomach that he was up to something, and you were right. It was the final boss. Satan and Levi were on the edge of their seats, having worked so hard to get the party to this point. You smiled, knowing that one of the best parts of D&D was finally taking down the big bad. In this case, you had prepared a beholder for them to fight. It would be no easy task. The fight should have required them to work together in an epic battle of wits, magic and melee attacks. Only, when everyone rolled initiative, Lucifer went first. The eldest smiled as his eyes sparked menacingly. "For my bonus action, I'd like to use my hex blade's curse on it, which allows me to add my plus four proficiency bonus to all damage, and makes any rolls of nineteen or twenty critical hits. I will then use my long sword with divine smite at third level to attack him and attack him again using my extra attack," barely giving you time to process what he said, Lucifer rolled his dice twice. "And that would be a nineteen and a natural twenty, meaning they're both criticals due to the curse. That should hit, yes?" "Wha-" You could only watch as Lucifer, now with twice the amount of damage due to his critical rolls pulled out a disgusting number of dice and rolled them all. And of course, with his luck, they all rolled high. "So that's 90 points of damage plus the extra damage from the curse and the bonus from my duelist ability per attack, brings this 102 points," he smugly perched his chin on top of his hands as the table gaped at him. You gulped and looked down at the beholder's character sheet, "Y-You just took o-over half of his hit points in one round..." His grin widened at the information, "What, like it's hard?" You never got the chance to finish the game, as Satan burst into his demon form and pounced on Lucifer, the eldest laughing like a mad man, while Levi tore up his character sheet in a fit of jealous rage. Levi never asked to play with everyone again after that. ***This was just so self-indulgent and I just- I loved it. It combined two of my favourite things and I have never been happier. This was more crack than fluff, but either way, it was fun and I hope you nerds out there enjoyed it 🥰 Thanks again for the request @bagelsinatoaster!*** Taglist: @mimik248 @roseytoesy @ester-is-here

[13uswntimagines]

New Friends (Kellex x Little!Reader)

Request: dino Roary an origin story of where the reader got him? You can pick which team moms you want to use 

Author’s Note: This is in the little Problems universe and is a prequel to Little Problems. 

Rest days felt like they were few and far between as of late. Stress levels were at an all-time high as your team prepped for the Olympics, and it was nice to have a day away from the constant pressure. 

It was even rarer that you got to hang out with your three best friends alone. It wasn’t that your girlfriends didn’t trust you- but Rose, Mal, and Emily were Little (technically you were too, but you didn’t acknowledge that) and they always said it wasn’t a good idea for the four of you to go out on your own. 

Something could happen to make one of you slip, and that could cause all four of you to slip and before you knew it you could have 4 very mischievous littles left to their own devices. 

So you were excited to get to spend the day, window shopping with your friends, away from your girlfriends. They tended to hover, and you really just wanted to have fun. That’s how you ended up at the mall, wandering around aimlessly. 

“Alright, I believe it’s my turn to pick the store?” You said, rubbing your hands together. 

“It’s only fair. You did just spend an hour looking at running shoes and sandals with us,” Rose nodded thoughtfully. Sure you had gotten pretty fidgety towards the end, but you hadn’t complained. At least you hadn’t started trying to play hide and seek in the aisles this time (how you didn’t think you were little, she would never know). 

“At least they weren’t sketchers,” Emily snorted, throwing an arm over both you and Mal. As your oldest (both big and little) friend, it was her job to look after you two. 

“We promised we’d never talk about that again,” Mal grumbled, shoving a cackling Sonnett off of her. Emily stumbled, bumping into Rose and nearly sending both of them into a potted plant. 

You shrunk slightly at the security guard's glare, using all of your strength to prevent your thumb (or your shirt) from finding its way to your mouth as it so often did. 

“How bout Spencer’s? They’re supposed to have the new Harley Quinn merch,” You mumbled, scratching the back of your neck. 

Emily wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “And they have toys in the back,” 

You blushed. That wasn’t why you wanted to go there, plus Kelley and Alex would not be happy if they found out you went perusing through the sex toy section without them. 

You glanced at Mal and she seemed to be having the same thought. 

“Are you sure we’re supposed to look at those?” She asked, fidgeting just like you were. 

Emily shrugged, rolling her eyes. “There’s only a ban on it when we’re little,” 

You squinted at her. She was the ringleader of your little group, and she had a habit of leading you all into trouble. But Mal nodded thoughtfully, satisfied with the loophole. 

You bit your lip. If Mal was ok, then you should be too. “Otay,” you mirrored Mal’s nod, the collar of your shirt slowly beginning to find its way to your mouth. 

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Rose smiled wide, wiggling her eyebrows, looping her arm with Mal, and beginning to drag the younger girl towards your chosen store. 

Emily took off after them, throwing her arms around their shoulders barely checking back to make sure you were trailing after them (Alex and Kelley would be very upset if she lost you after all). 

****

You had promised your girlfriends that you would stay with Em, Mal, and Rose. You swore that you wouldn’t leave their sights. And you hadn’t meant to, but all of the stuffed animals in the window looked so lonely. You needed to go say hi to them. 

That’s how you found yourself roaming the isles of the toy store, one set of fingers gently pressing over all of the animals’ fur and the other finding their way to your lips. 

You didn’t usually let yourself slip this far, not around other people at least, but something about being surrounded by so many stuffed toys felt safe. They were like a magnet drawing you to them, and you didn’t wanna fight it. 

You paused in front of a section of dinosaur-shaped stuffies, your eyes gliding over the colorful selection. You didn’t just want one. You needed one, with every fiber of your being. 

You weren’t sure how you knew, but you were sure that one of these buddies was meant for you. 

“Hey sweetie, are you here all by yourself?” A very soft voice asked from behind you. You turned towards the brunette, squatting down so her green eyes could peer into yours. 

You shook your head, “No, wit Emmy, Mal, and Rosie,” 

The woman’s lips ticked up at your little voice, even if it was muffled by the thumb between your lips. But it was still troubling that you were in this store all by yourself while you were little. 

“Good. Are they here in the store with you?” She asked softly, as to not scare you. 

You bit your lip, suddenly finding your shoes very interesting (but not as cool as the light-up buzz light year ones your ma-. Kelley. Not as cool as the ones Kelley had gotten you). 

Maybe you should have told your friends that you wanted to say hi to all the stuffed animals, but they were too far ahead of you. And they probably would of had to call your girlfriends (stuffed toys were a pretty big trigger for all of their little spaces). You hadn’t wanted the day to end or to admit that you wanted something that other littles wanted. 

“No,” You mumbled sadly, afraid that your time in the store was going to be over before you got to greet your new friends (and that you were gonna get the mom looks from your girlfriends when they found out about this). 

The woman sighed her eyes softening at your chastised expression. She shared a glance with the blond woman beside her before placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Alright sweetheart, what’s your name?”

You nodded, your chest-puffing slightly. You could do that. “Y/n,” 

The woman smiled at your adorableness. “My names Lena, how about we call your friends?” She asked softly. 

“but I gots new frens,” You pouted, gesturing towards the wall of stuffed animals with the hand not currently in your mouth. A very particular red and yellow Dino standing out to you. He looked so soft and cuddly. You couldn’t just leave him behind. 

“Ok kiddo. Let’s call your old friends, and then we can get you one of your new friends while you wait?” The blond woman asked. You nodded excitedly. You always liked new frens and it would be fun to introduce them to your old friends too. 

*****

“Holy shit, you scared the crap out of us. We turned around and you were gone,” Mal’s arms wrapped around you the second she saw you. 

You buried your face into her neck, wrapping the arm not holding your brand new friend around her. “Sorry, wanted ta say hi,” You mumbled, clutching the stuffed triceratops as tightly as you could. Mal froze, pulling back and holding you at arm’s length, her eyebrows furrowed. 

They all knew that you were supposed to be little, but they had never actually seen more than a glimpse of little you. It was a tricky situation because they didn’t want to discourage you from being little, but at the same time, it was dangerous because it could cause the rest of them to slip too. 

Emily turned to you, eyes wide. “Oh fuck,” 

You frowned, pouting at Mal. “Emmy sayed a bad word,” 

“Yeah, we heard,” Rose sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. This was not a good situation, and it certainly meant the end to their day out. But maybe she would be able to convince her mama and aunt Lindsey that you all needed a play date… 

“I maded a new fren,” You said softly, holding up the Dino that Lena and Kara had bought for you while you waited for your friends to show up. 

“I see that,” She shook her head, already reaching for her phone. 

She knew the rules, she was definitely going to have to be the responsible one and call a caregiver, lest you all (well maybe not you specifically) earn yourselves a punishment. 

Lena eyed the group of women before her critically. Taking in every twitch of a hand and tilt of a head. There was no way she was going to let the four of you scamper off. It would be dangerous and irresponsible, especially considering that seeing someone in little space was often a huge trigger to other little spaces. 

“Thank you so much for looking after her. We were so worried when we realized she wandered off,” Emily mumbled, smiling shyly at the woman.

Lena nodded back, “It was no problem, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for the four of you to be wandering around all by yourselves, especially if she’s little,” she said, gesturing to where you were excitedly introducing Mal to your new stuffed toy. 

You froze, barely looking away from your friend to huff out an “I not little,” 

Emily rolled her eyes. Even now, when it was obvious, you would deny it. 

“Right, we were just going to head back to the hotel anyway,” 

“You sure you can make it back alright?” Lena asked with a raised eyebrow. She didn’t envy whoever had to keep the four of you in check as you seemed like a very large handful.

“Yeah, we’ll be fine. Thank you again,” Rose said, sharing a look with Emily. They were the two oldest and it was their job to get you guys back safely. 

Rose turned and gently grabbed your hand, so she could guide you out of the store and make sure they didn’t lose you again. 

You waved at the woman who had helped you as you left (big you would text them a thank you later as Lena had left her number in your phone). Emily made a mental note to talk to your girlfriends about how friendly little you was (it would be good for them to know in the future) and thanked their lucky stars that you were too far in denial to freak out when you were suddenly little. (It was also rather shocking that you had allowed yourself to slip for this long anyway). 

*****

They were almost there. Almost back at the hotel. Just a few more steps through the door and they would be home free. You paused as you approached the hotel, the tip of the stuffed dinosaur’s tail finding its way to your lips. 

You didn’t want to go inside. It was fine for you to be like this with Em, Mal, and Rose, they understood. Even with Alex and Kelley’s gentle nudging, you couldn’t let go of the fear that they would look at you differently. That the (amazing) adult side of your relationship would change forever. 

“Come on y/n,” Rose said softly, carefully pulling the Dino’s tail from your mouth with furrowed eyebrows. 

You shook your head rapidly, tears suddenly welling up in your eyes. “No,” 

“What do you mean no? We have to go inside, it’s almost curfew,” Emily asked, joining Rose hunching in front of you to look you in the eyes. 

You shook your head again, rubbing your nose in the soft fur of your new friend. Just holding him was so comforting (it was almost as good as snuggling between your girlfriends). 

“No. No wan Al and Kell ta see me, when I like dis,” You mumbled, gesturing towards yourself with your free hand, completely missing the looks Emily, Mal and Rose shared. 

“When you’re like what? They’ve seen you in worse states, trust me?” Rose snorted. 

It was true. Your girlfriends had seen you drunk, and sick and happy and everywhere in between, but as far as you knew they had never seen you like this. 

Sure, you let yourself slip just a little in the middle of the night when you were cuddled up between them, or when both of them were away with their respective club teams. But it would be different for them to actually see you little, and you just couldn’t seem to make yourself big now. 

“Not while I little,” You mumbled miserably. 

Rose sighed. “Babe, they know you’re little and they’re totally ok with it,”

It wasn’t like you could control the test results, and Kelley and Alex had been doing everything in their power to make sure you knew they were there for you. 

“I-...” You choked on your words, your mouth opening and closing several times. You just couldn’t seem to make your brain say the words that plagued you since your results came. 

Emily reached out a gentle hand to rub your shoulder, a small idea about your hesitance forming. “Y/n look at me. You know Lindsey loves me yeah?” You nodded at the defender, your eyes wide. “And how Sam loves Rose?” She waited for another small nod.  “Those two will love you just the same. Being little is a part of who you are, and it’s not going to change how they feel about you,” 

You frowned, subtly leaning into her hand. “But what if they don’t like my friend?” 

Rose and Emily quirked up a smile at you. 

“I’m sure they’ll love him,” 

******

Kelley stopped short as she entered your shared hotel room, her eyes bulging at the sight of you cuddled up with a new stuffed animal, your thumb between your lips, watching blues clues. 

“What the fuck Kell,” Alex hissed, barely catching herself before she plowed into Kelley’s back and shoved both of them further into the room. 

Kelley turned and pressed a finger to Alex’s lips. “Shhh,” 

“What?” Alex mumbled against her finger, her eyes following her shorter girlfriend’s gaze. Her eyes widened and she couldn’t stop the “Awww,” that left her lips. 

You looked over at the sound, your eyes tightening just a little. You slowly raised the hand holding your new Dino and offered your girlfriends a tiny wave. 

“Hey babydoll, mind if we join your cuddle session,” Alex asked carefully, stepping around Kelley and closer to the bed. She bit her lip at how adorable your thinking face was. 

They waited for a few bated breaths while you considered, idly rubbing your nose in the dinosaur's fur. You were terrified of being little, and they didn’t want to push you, especially with this being one of the first times they had seen you fill in headspace (they had gotten fleeting glimpses before but nothing quite like this). 

“I not mind,” You mumbled thoughtfully, shyly looking over at your girlfriends.

Alex and Kelley’s lips ticked up at the expression. God, you were adorable (they could only imagine how much cuter you would be when you were comfortable). 

Both women nodded, and very slowly joined you on the bed, sandwiching you between them. You snuggled into Alex’s side, sighing happily as the warmth of your two favorite people enveloped you. 

It made you feel safe and oh so small. 

“What are we watching?” Kelley asked after a few minutes of watching you. She gently reached up to remove your hand from your mouth, making a mental note to order you a soother off the internet. 

“Boo’s coo’s,” You mumbled, blinking up at the woman. 

She smiled brightly at your wide eyes. “We love that show short stack,” 

You mirrored her smile, wiggling happily (barely noticing that Alex moved your thumb away from your mouth again). You giggled when Kelley made a funny face at you before the blue puppy on the screen took your attention again. 

Alex and Kelley shared another look when you began to babble quietly to both your new stuffed toy and the screen. They shouldn’t have been surprised that you were this little. Even in the little glimpses, they had caught, they knew you were going to be smaller than Emily or Rose. 

They also shouldn’t have Em been surprised that your resistance finally slipped. It was a stressful time for the team, and they were frankly shocked you had held out as long as you did. 

“Hey babydoll, can I ask you a very important question?” Alex asked softly, brushing an errant curl from your eyes. You nodded, your eyes never leaving the screen.“How old are you right now?” 

You paused for a second, Seemingly considering the question before you gave them a little shrug. Big thoughts were too difficult right now. 

Kelley smiled indulgently at your little pout,  brushing your cheek. “That’s ok sweetie,” 

You leaned into the touch, settling back against Alex. They let you watch the screen for another few minutes, keeping a close eye on you. As the show went on, your new dinosaurs tail slowly made its way back to your mouth. They let it go for a few minutes, again making a note to talk to big you about getting something more appropriate to suck on. 

Alex very carefully reached up and pulled the red tail from your lips. “Who’s this little guy?” She asked softly, tapping the triceratops on the nose. 

“My new fren, Lena, and Kara gots him while we waited for Emmy,” You said. 

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed. You were waiting for Emily? With people, you didn’t know? There had to be a story there, and she fully intended to get it the next time she saw the defender (and make sure that the group had followed the rules their caregivers set for them- including staying together). 

“Does he have a name?” Kelley asked, making eye contact with the forward. 

“No,” You huffed, pulling the soft Dino to hide your eyes. 

“Well, friends have to have names,” Alex nudged the back of your shoulder. You squinted, looking between the red stuffed animal and Alex, your tongue poking between your lips. 

Names were a very big decision, and your Dino hadn’t told you his yet. You lifted the toy up, examining him carefully. 

“I not know,” You said, dropping your arms and squeezing him closer to your chest. Kelley and Alex both awed at how adorable you were. 

“You want some help?” 

You squinted at Alex for a second, before nodding slowly. “Yes please,” 

(Both women swallowed their praise for your good manners- they didn’t wanna cross a line as this was still a very new development). 

You passed the dinosaur to Kelley, who turned him over in her hands and carefully examined him before passing him to Alex who did the same.

“Well, do you know how dinosaurs say I love you?” Alex asked, passing your new friend back to you. 

“They say rawr,” You rawred at Alex, laughing when she rawred back and tickled your belly and Kelley joined in. 

“How about you name him Roary so every time you hug him, you’re reminded how much we love you,” Kelley suggested, blowing a zerbert into your neck. 

You giggled loudly. It was the perfect name for your new friend. It was also a reminder that your girlfriends would be with you through it all, even if you happened to be little…

[angelkurenai]

Imagine dating Jensen and never having told him you knew who he was and what his job was, or that you had a crush on him. So when he finds out he gets mad and a fight ensues.

“Honey, can you please check to see if there are any empty boxes left on the-”

“None.” Jensen cut you off with a small smirk, leaning against the door frame and chuckling when he saw you startle and let out a small yelp when you realized he was there.

“Jens!” you exclaimed, hand over your heart “You scared me, how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough.” he grinned, getting closer to you “Long enough to admire the view and maybe- certainly fall in love with you just a little bit more, unbelievably possible you see, and that adorable face you make when going through your...” he looked over your shoulder at the things in your hands “Childhood memories I see! Wow that's some real talent there, is that-” he tilted his head to the side, looking at your childhood drawing “Is that a... kitty or a shark?”

“Shut up.” you said with a small pout, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks from the embarrassment, but at the same time unable to hold a small laugh when Jensen ticked your sides before wrapping his arms around your middle and sitting down next to you on the bed “And to answer your question... I think it's supposed to be both. My favorite animals from land and sea, you see, because of how adorable and dangerous they can both be.”

“Dangerous and adorable, wow, that's a way to think about those two. Ok.” he pursed his lips for a second, nodding his head “Remind me to have a serious talk with you about your childhood memories and concepts of cute when we decide to have kids, yeah? I'm scared I will walk into a nursery painted a deep shade of black because you think it's a lovely color.”

“Alright first-” you raised a finger to stop him before he could say anything else “Black is a lovely color and if you have anything against it then we really need to have a serious discussion about that otherwise I am afraid I can't move in with you at all. Not to mention that I think that puts our relationship in danger on its own. So you either prepare yourself for the endless amount of black outfits I have or otherwise-”

“No! No, totally fine with black. Lovely color, totally.” he shook his head immediately and you chuckled, leaning on him more.

“And as for the second-” your voice took on a softer tone as you looked up to lock eyes with his and offer him a soft smile, almost reassuring when you saw the panic in his eyes no wonder because he had previous slipped and didn't expect you to catch it “I always loved the idea of a yellow or light green one, or maybe both. Doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, or both.” you chuckled and a beautiful smile started spreading on his lips “Though don't look so cheerful, honey, because if it is twins I am going to be making your life a living hell until labor, mind my words!”

“I'll gladly take it all, sweetheart. All of it.” he leaned down to kiss your lips with a smile on “But I'm definitely on bedtime-story duty because I still don't trust you with it.”

You scoffed, giving him a playful shove “Some kind of boyfriend you are. If you must know sharks are a very important part of the ecosystem and they are endangered species. We must love and protect them and-”

“Alright, National geographic-” he said fondly “You can continue later with the info. In case you didn't notice, we've got a moving to make and you have a lot of things that need to go into boxes yet. Keep it up like this and you won't be moving into my house until next month.”

“And what a tragedy that would be.” you chuckled “I do have a lot of things to go through, though, some of which need throwing away, so it will take time. You said anything about the boxes?”

“Ah yes the boxes, there are none left in the house whatsoever, I ended up using a lot for the kitchen. Seems like we're gonna have to find some new ones. But that doesn't stop us from going through the things you need and the ones you plan on throwing away together yeah? Who knows what kind of interesting stuff I might find out.” he smirked and you scoffed a laugh.

“Underwear drawer is right up there honey, that's probably the only thing that can get as interesting as you expect. There's nothing much here, some stuff from my childhood, teenage years and probably some from 4 to 5 years ago.”

“Bummer.” he huffed, moving towards some other smaller shoe boxes that he expected to hold childhood stuff like the rest “Well, you look at the creepy childhood art then, while I go through this for once. If they're ok, we can move it as it already-”

“No wait, Jens that's not for-” you started, jumping on your feet to stop him, but it was already too late because the box was already open right in front of him in a matter of seconds.

“-is.” he added half a second after you, and as the frown on his face deepened he added “Wh-what- What is this?”

“Just- old stuff. Nothing worth noting.” you didn't keep your eyes on the posters, DVDs and rest of Supernatural merch that was in the box.

“Is this yours? (Y/n) is this yours?”

“I uh-” you cleared your throat, feeling your hands shake when you noticed that his jaw had clenched as well “Uh well... yes, it's in my house. Of course, b-but- It's old stuff I even had forgotten I had there. R-really not something you should concern yourself with. Let's- let's not waste time on them, yeah?” you asked tentatively, hating how your voice shook a bit but hoping he still wouldn't notice, as you tried to close the box as subtly as possible “It's just silly little things, and we have to go through so much already that-”

“And when did you get these?” he asked, cutting you off immediately; voice very deep and almost accusing and you really couldn't hold it against him when it was about something like this.

You had no secrets from him, never lied or tried to deceive him. It was a honest relationship from your side concerning both your feelings and actions, and same went for him too. From the moment you started going out officially, you didn't want anything between the two of you. It was how you had managed to make it last for so long, how to make it matter. But that didn't mean that there were no secrets between you at all, ones built up before it all became real between you two, before a relationship bloomed.

You had never told him you knew him when you met. Opting to pretend to not know about the show or who he was and what he did as a profession was an impulsive decision that at the time made things so much more simple but in the end you grew to regret. It had been easier to be around each other, to just be yourself – fangirl side, at least concerning Supernatural, set aside at least – and treat him like another human being defined by his personality and not job. And he had liked it, he admitted it months later when he told you about his job, more than he ever thought he would have. It was important to him to be treated like any other person, for you to see him as him and so you didn't have the heart to ruin it.

It was a white lie at first, simple as that, and you had meant to tell him the truth when one month turn into six turned into a year and you were together. But as the relationship got more serious and as you were more certain he needed to know, the more scared you were for him to know as well and each time you tried to tell him, you ended up backing away on it.

And now it wasn't simply just another white lie, it was a secret you had let stay between you and grow to proportions you couldn't control anymore. You feared it would make or break you if he ever found out, so much so that you wished he never had to. Sadly it seemed like you wouldn't be getting it.

“I think I might even get rid of it all, or give it away, it would be a little silly to hold onto these when-” you started speaking, hoping you could do your best at keeping your voice steady and avoiding having to answer. While you had showed your love for the show, you had never said out loud just when that love started.

“(Y/n)” his voice was rough as he cut you off, maybe more than you'd like but thankfully less than you had originally feared “When did you get these?”

“Well, I-” you fidgeted with your fingers, trying to master all your courage to look up to meet his eyes, not even having realized when you looked down “It's not really a big kind of de-”

“Answer me!” he was downright furious and once more you could never blame him for it because you knew you'd feel the exact same if you were in his place.

His voice raised, and while you didn't know what sounded more angry and scary this or him keeping a low voice, you couldn't help but flinching simply as a reflex. When you opened your eyes again you saw the regret instantly flash through his eyes and despite how mad he was for you to hide the truth, you could see that he didn't want to ever make you feel anything but comfortable around him. You would have told him that it was alright, that you would never be scared of him for real when you saw that he was ready to start apologizing profoundly, but instead you opted for something else entirely.

“A good few years.” you tried to look as determined as possible, but still holding a small smile; whether it was out of nervousness or the need to show him you were alright you didn't know yet “As in, a good few years even before I met you in person. I knew about the show a-and I knew about you, and that you were an actor before we met.”

“So when we met, you...” the frown on his face was deep as he looked down, his anger slowly but surely being replaced by sadness and disappointment and you actually wished for a second that he could stay mad at you instead of this; instead of the way his voice lowered “You lied to me? And you kept lying about it?”

“Jens-” you started, trying to swallow over the lump in your throat “I had no choice. I was a fan of the show for a good couple years, yes, and I don't think you'll be surprised at this point to know I might have also had a crush on you and Dean back then as well.” your breath came out shaky as you looked away “But then I met you... you were there, real, and it felt like I couldn't believe it. You took that as me not recognizing you and you- you relaxed right away and I-”

“You lied to me.” he emphasized, probably not even having heard your last sentence as he spoke over you, and again with very little anger and more pain “You lied, (Y/n), and then- and then you never told me the truth. We've been together for over a year now, we've known each other for over two years- Over two years you had every chance to tell me the truth, especially when we promised each other there would be no secrets between us and you- you kept the biggest and most important one from me! I can't believe this.” he shook his head, pacing in the room “You let me believe that lie for years, let out relationship be built on that. How could you? Why would you ever do something like this to me? Did you take pleasure in it at first or what? Was it some sort of game?”

“I-” you wrapped your arms around your middle and pressed your lips together, avoiding to let your eyes linger on him even for a couple extra seconds because of how much it hurt to see this kind of expression on his face; and you knew there were no excuses to undo it so you only said what you felt and had been feeling for so long.

“I only ever wanted you to be happy. I wanted you... us to feel like equals. You looked so relieved to see that I was so taken with you and not your job or your character that I didn't have the heart to ruin it to you. And I- I was selfish, yes, because I had never seen a man look at me like that, treat me so good, love me so much that I didn't want it to end. To feel real love for the first time in my life, I had to take that risk. And I'm sorry if I let you down when all I wanted was to give you my heart and soul. I guess I was right in my first thoughts during our first dates... I could never be good enough for you and here is the proof. I'm-” you looked down, fighting the tears “I'm sorry for everything, I'll just get all the boxes we've moved from your house the soonest possible. It's a good thing I haven't packed everyth-”

“What?” you could hear the gasp coming from his lips but didn't pay much attention to it mostly to not get your hopes up.

“Must've been a sign that there were no boxes huh? Well, I better start unpacking cause I've got-”

You started making your way to the door, you believed that there was no doubt that Jensen wouldn't even want to see you at the moment, but before you could even take another step out, you felt a hand on your arm pulling you back followed by a gruff “No”

“Jens” you whispered “I understand that this hurt you. There's not reason-”

“No reason for what?” his voice was more rough than before and you didn't dare look up at him yet “For you to move in with me? For us to be together? Is that what you want?”

“I don't want it. Of course not!” you shut your eyes tightly, just as his hand squeezed your arm “Gosh, I only want you but I- I ruined it all, Jens. And you can't forgive me, if I were you I wouldn't either. That kind of lie is- unforgivable, so you'd have every right to want to-”

“Don't-” he sounded like he almost choked on his tears and you couldn't help your eyes this time, they were drawn to him and it was then that you felt the gasp leave from your own lips; looking into his red-rimmed eyes and the heartbreak on his face was worse than when he realized the lie, something which was probably the least of his concerns at the moment and once you realized it you felt a hopeful skip in the beat in your heart “Don't you even dare say that. I-” he pursed his lips and groaned, closing his eyes for a second.

You reached out tentatively and cupped his cheek, unable to hold your smile when he melted in your touch and nuzzled his face in your palm; after only a second he leaned in and rested his forehead against yours “I'm angry. Gosh, I am so angry at both of us but it's only a mere fragment... it's nothing compared to the fear I feel of losing you. I should stay mad, hell, I am going to make you pay for that with lots of food and makeup sex but-” he managed a chuckle, an actual chuckle and you grinned “But I would be a hypocrite to stay mad at only you and, even worse, the world's biggest idiot if I were to let you go because of this. Lies be damned, the world be damned... I am not going to lose you. I never want to lose you. That scares the hell out of me, so... don't.”

“So that means... we're ok? Together I mean?” you asked slowly and hesitantly.

He took a deep breath in and looked you fully in the eyes “I would never dream of letting you go. Never over something like this.”

“And about... moving together?”

He nodded his head skeptically for a moment “Well that... that will depend.”

“On what?” you let a small smile form on your lips only because of the smirk he had on that you knew real well and yet made you wonder.

“Just how much smut have you read about me and my character and even more... how much have you written out of it?”

“Jensen!”

[arigatouiris]

an inconvenient crush // kozume kenma x reader (2/2)

Author’s Note: Thank you so much for the support! I really appreciate people coming in and telling me you liked my story! Makes me feel so loved and valid, I can’t even begin to tell you how special it makes me feel. Here’s the final part! Do let me know what you think! Thank you so much :”)

Word count: 4k+

Pairing: YouTuber! Kenma Kozume x Streamer! Reader

Summary: YouTuber Kozume Kenma has had the biggest crush on Twitch Streamer, (s/n) (y/n), who in actuality simps heavily after Kenma’s secret YouTube persona, puddinghead0.

What happens when their paths cross?

Kuroo is honestly tired of Kenma’s second-guessing, and (y/n) is a bit of a crackhead.

Warnings: unrequited love, one-sided crush, slight angst, pining, crackhead reader, internet bullying, slang, gaming references, haikyuu manga spoilers, fluff

C h a p t e r T w o: kozume in love

Kenma chuckled when he heard you scream over the controller. The both of you were currently fighting a boss named Martyr Logarius, and while you had beaten the game once, playing it in Newgame+ was extra hard. Kenma was certainly helping, but you had made a silly mistake and died for the fourth time in a row.

    "You're dodging too early," Kenma said, still chuckling, "But it is entertaining to see you dodge in such panic."

    "Shut up," You groaned over the microphone, earning more chuckles from him, "I'm trying, okay?"

    "You beat this game, you said?"

    "Ahhh!"

Kenma laughed some more, now covering his face with his hand. He could hear you laugh out of frustration as well, but while this entire orchestration felt funny to both of you, Kenma's heart bubbled dangerously. He loved the sound of your voice, and he absolutely adored the way you groaned and cursed at the bosses each time you died or each time you defeated them. You were good, and even as the game tested you, you trod on. He could see you loved gaming in its entirety, and slowly, he was learning more about you.

    "I need a beer." You sighed.

    "This game does that to you," Kenma leaned back against his bean bag, "I mean... Not to burst your bubble, but you do suck."

    "Oye," You warned playfully, "I'm a streamer."

    "Anyone can stream, (y/n)."

There was silence on the other end after that, but Kenma didn't think it was anything odd. The co-oping between you two was going on for a few days now, and it would last up to 5-7 hours at most. It was strange that despite college, you two managed to find time to sit and play, but after a point, it had become more than just the game. You began to crave his voice, crave the way he'd be there, whenever you were about to run low on health, he'd come over and give you time to heal.

Co-oping with Kenma was fun because it felt, oddly, as if he really cared.

    "(y/n)?"

    "I always thought you sounded familiar," Kenma blinked, "But I think hearing you say more words sort of... gave it away."

    "Gave what away?" Kenma's heart was pounding now.

    "Kozume-kun," He didn't want to hear the rest, "Are you puddinghead0?"

It took him several seconds to process what you said. He could practically feel his heart beat against his ears, and he could sense you getting impatient at him as well.

    "Kozume—"

    "How did you know?"

You took a few moments to answer.

    "I... I've been a fan for too long not to recognize your voice, really. I just... I guess I had to hear you through the microphone to instantly pick it up? I don't know I... Why didn't you tell me?"

    "I didn't want you to know."

    "Oh," His heart broke at how low you sounded. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't ask you because I knew you were him or anything! I asked you as Kozume—"

    "Right."

    "No, listen," You were panicking now, "I assure you, I didn't know until recently. I didn't even think... I never—"

    "What did you picture him as, (y/n)?"

    "What do you—"

    "I'm sure you pictured him as someone different, right? It must disappoint you that someone you admire is in fact, a regular college student—"

    "Don't say that! I really enjoy playing with you, and... I never even pictured how you'd look in the first place!"

    "Sure—"

    "Can we meet? Please, let me just—"

    "Not happening. It was nice playing with you, (y/n). I hope you get the platinum—"

    "Please, don't do this."

When Kenma hesitated, he knew that it was no longer an inconvenient crush. His fingers trembled and he couldn't look away from the television screen. His chest hurt and he was certain that his shirt was drenched.

    "Please, let's—"

    "Where do you want to... meet?"

    "Oh, thank goodness," Your genuine relief made him want to laugh, "I was so certain you'd hang up. Oh, thank god. Uh, I don't know. You live near campus?"

He narrowed his eyes, "What campus?"

    "Tokyo University?"

    "You go here too?"

    "Literature student! You go here? You mean to say the puddinghead0 goes to—"

    "Please, just never call me that, okay?"

    "Where do you want to meet?"

    "I... Just come to campus, we'll figure it out."

What normally took Kenma 12 minutes took him 17 now. He spent some time pacing back and forth on whether to go or not, before understanding that he couldn't back out after assuring you that he'd be there. He wondered if you would come as a fan or as his friend (were you his friend?), but the foremost thing that Kenma worried about was what your interaction with him would be about. Why did you want to meet him? What explanation did you want to give?

Maybe she wants to thank me, he thought as he walked forward, finally bucking up and realizing that he might actually need to meet you alone as himself.

He noticed that you were waiting outside the gates of the campus, airpods plugged in, head rocking lightly to some music that you were listening to. From a distance, you caught sight of him and waved almost hesitantly, shooting his heart to the skies. Your hair was tied in a messy bun and you were wearing anime merch, a Bakugou shirt with regular jeans. No matter what you wore, Kenma thought you were ridiculously pretty. Kenma had always thought you were pretty, from the very first video that you uploaded. He caught your stream in Kuroo's laptop when he had come over, and apparently it was your first time. You were hesitant and shy, but it gradually died down the more you played. Kenma found himself laughing so much that it alerted Kuroo, who had understood right away that you held a special place in Kenma's mind since no one could make Kenma laugh quite like you could.

When he was a few feet away from you, you looked at him awkwardly before he noticed you were red-faced. Is she... blushing?

    "U-Uh, yeah so uh," She was so nervous that it was making him feel weird, "I don't want to treat you differently but I just realized that I was gushing to you about puddinghead not knowing that you are, in fact, puddinghead and god, I feel like an idiot."

Kenma had to laugh at that before shaking his head, "It's fine, I don't get too many compliments anyway."

    "You had me simping all over you and you knock that down as compliments? Please teach me the art of modesty, senpai."

Kenma laughed some more before letting out a breath, rubbing the back of his neck. You were taking breaths now yourself; you were standing beside someone who had literally inspired you to start streaming gameplay, and you had no idea that you were playing alongside him all this while until he had practically confirmed it not too long ago. Of course, a part of you felt weird that he never told you himself, but perhaps he wanted to keep it a secret. Also...

He had been watching your streams. Kenma had admitted that as himself the first time you had met. You could practically die.

    "There's this cafe down this road," You said, suddenly feeling a lot bolder, "We won't have to stand around awkwardly then."

    "Alright."

The walk wasn't quiet, you were desperately trying to think of something to talk about, and you were mumbling a few things here and there about Bloodborne, and he commented back; but neither of you found your heart in the conversation and kept going because you didn't know how to handle the silence. While you admired Kenma, Kenma was also aware that you had no idea the feelings he had for you.

It made him feel a bit inadequate, and he wasn't sure how to take it.

When you reached the cafe, Kenma and yourself took the seats outside. You took in his appearance properly for the first time that evening; his hair tied in a messy, loose ponytail and wearing baggy clothing with black jeans and sneakers. Kenma was gorgeous, you wouldn't deny that, especially now that your heart was bubbling with excitement over how he was your YouTube idol. Strangely, his question rang in your mind:

What did you picture him as, (y/n)?

Your eyes softened at Kenma as he checked his phone for a minute; unable to look away. You stared at him the way folks stare at a rainbow, taking in all that unexpected beauty, not wanting to look away in case it might disappear. You felt yourself blushing when he looked up to meet your gaze, almost feeling time stop. But, you were too much of an overthinker to let that happen.

I'm sure you pictured him as someone different, right? It must disappoint you that someone you admire is in fact, a regular college student—

    "Kozume-kun," What am I doing? "I can't picture anyone but you."

He was now staring at you like you were an idiot mumbling rubbish. He gulped, you could see the rise and fall of his adam's apple, but he wasn't saying a word.

    "A few months ago, when I started the channel on Twitch, I could do it only because of you. You inspired me to upload my own gameplay because I now had a platform to be proud of it. But as Kozumu-kun, you gave me the courage to not only be proud of my gameplay but to see what's actually important," You smiled as you said, "Fun."

    "You're giving me way too much credit."

You shook your head, "We don't always realize how little exchanges that we have with people cause ripple effects. Playing with you these past few days reminded me of what streaming for views made me forget. Views don't matter, the fun does. I let those comments get to me because the views mattered to me, and they still do. But, that's not everything. I learned that from you."

Kenma didn't know what to say.

    "So when you figured out that I was... the YouTuber—"

    "Puddinghead—"

    "—Yeah, that. Didn't you think I lied to you?"

You shook your head, "You never had a face reveal, which meant that you wanted to keep it a secret. So why would I feel like you lied? You had every reason to—"

    "Stop being so fucking adorable, it's actually pissing me off." Kenma snapped without realizing.

Both of your eyes widened—Kenma's and yours—at the words that exited his mouth. Your face was flaming at what he said, and Kenma probably felt like a suicidal ostrich. He wanted to bury his head under the ground and never rise, for that would keep him away from the embarrassment that was due; he could hear Kuroo's laughter in the distance, which made it all the worse.

    "I'm... I'm not trying to be cute, you know?" You said, tilting your head a little, playing with a strand of your hair.

Kenma frowned at you, wondering now if you were doing it on purpose.

    "What are you... doing?"

    "There's a word for it!" You pointed an index finger in the air, "Hanker sore."

Kenma scoffed, "What's that?"

    "It's finding someone so attractive that it pisses you off."

Kenma blushed, "Y-You're not all that attractive, you just... come across as cute sometimes."

Your eyes widened, "I'm a catch!"

He bit his lower lip, "Yeah, sure."

    "Hey! I am a total catch, you could like totally fall for me!"

Kenma's heart skipped a beat, "Yeah, sure."

While you were sitting across him having a struggle over how he easily pushed away your claims, Kenma stared at you like you were all he could see, and as if you were a sight that he would forget if he didn't drink in your details at this very second. A moment later, you gasped before leaning forward.

    "I think we should get something."

    "Let's actually... go get your platinum."

Your eyes widened, "You... don't mind?"

He shook his head now that he was absolutely certain, "No, let's go back."

You were beaming and thanking him, acting as if he suddenly wasn't the YouTuber you had been simping after, treating him like a separate individual that he was, behaving as you would with anyone else; Kenma's worries dissipated in thin air, he was now confident that he had fallen in love with you, mind, body, and soul—your voice had ensnared and captured him, and now, your revelation had done the deed of claiming his heart.

    "Oh, and," Kenma said, "No one will know."

You nodded before throwing him a mock salute, "Of course!"

*

You were legitimately freaking out. 

Kenma had followed you as puddinghead on your professional Twitter and you had been staring at the screen for close to an hour now. You weren't sure if the reason for your heart to be beating the way it was was because Kenma was puddinghead or because you had finally learned what puddinghead looked like, but whatever it was, the feeling was intense.

Are these feelings romantic though? You wouldn't lie, before you knew puddinghead's face, you had pictured meeting him and dating him—the regular daydreaming that a person would do for the person they were simping after. And while those thoughts were innocent, now puddinghead had a name. Puddinghead was Kozume Kenma, an attractive college student, CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp, and YouTuber. Your mind was taking you to places, and juxtaposing your previous fantasies now with Kenma's face. No, no, no, you scolded yourself before covering your face with your hand. Yes, discovering his identity is huge, but don't forget, he thinks of you as a friend!

You were about to join his party on the PSN and co-op Bloodborne again, but all you could think about were how long Kenma's fingers were when they were placed on the table before you that day when you met him in the cafe.

You were practically out of it.

    "Hey, Kozume-kun!"

    "You know you can call me Kenma, right? I call you (y/n)."

    "O-Oh," Your face reddened uncharacteristically. "R-Really?"

You heard Kenma chuckle and your heart was ready to combust, "Yeah, what's there to think about?"

Oh dear lord, "Okay. Uh... So..."

     "So."

     "Uh."

    "(y/n)?"

Fuck, "K-Kenma-kun."

Kenma had his hand covering his jaw at how cute you sounded, but you were practically jelly yourself. It wasn't easy learning the identity of your internet crush and having to play with them as friends. It wasn't easy to accept these facts and to admit that maybe, just maybe, the person that they are in real life was equally attractive.

    "We have to beat the Shadows of Yharnam today."

Did his voice always sound like velvet?

    "Hm, I've heard they were relatively easy?"

    "No," He said chuckling, "To you, they're definitely going to be a challenge."

When he chuckles, I feel like I'll die.

    "Didn't you play against them without co-op?"

    "Oh, yeah," You could practically picture him rubbing the back of his neck, "I did co-op for Gherman in the end, though."

Fuck, he's so cute!

    "What?" Kenma asked, sounding confused.

    "What?"

    "You said 'he's so cute', you mean Gherman?" You gasped, "(y/n), he's... he's an old man?"

    "Y-Yeah! Haha, I mean... Yeah. It's... I was..."

Kenma laughed before asking you to continue before you slapped yourself for making such a big fool out of yourself. Snap out of it, you scolded yourself once more. You can't like Kenma-kun just because you know he's puddinghead.

But, did you?

As days passed, you exchanged numbers with Kenma. Texting him was relatively easy since he barely tried to keep the conversation alive and you just had so much to say. Sometimes, Kenma believed he might be boring, but you kept texting him as if his personality wasn't really that much of a bother. He wasn't much of a texter, and you had caught on, a fact that didn't actually bother you. Kenma, however, would never leave you on read, would try to reply within the hour even though he doesn't text as often.

Your mind, however, revolved around the heart he had once sent you as puddinghead.

You were re-reading the tweets almost every night, and juxtaposing the image of an empty face with Kenma's. For some reason, puddinghead's image was slowly erasing itself from your mind; you became less fascinated with the YouTube persona, but instead, looked forward to hearing from his real-life identity, trying to know more about his day, about his other interests, and having learned that he was from Nekoma blew your mind since he was from a rival school.

Kenma and you often met at the cafe again, just to grab a few snacks and talk about games. It would be you most of the time who would be initiating conversation, and Kenma would listen and retort when he felt the need to. However, not once did you feel like he wasn't listening; not once did Kenma make you think you weren't keeping him engaged. His eyes were on you, his intense gaze enough to burn you to the ground. It practically had you shivering.

Your mind, however, still continued to revolve around the heart he had once sent you as puddinghead.

    "I might need to go to a volleyball game soon—"

    "Why did you send me a heart?"

Kenma froze before meeting your gaze. "What?"

You almost wanted to slap yourself but you had said it. You couldn't hold it back, you couldn't keep mulling over your thoughts and therefore, you decided to tell the source of your problems what your problems were.

    "Kenma-kun, I... I had a big crush on puddinghead," Kenma's gaze on you was unwavering, "Now that I know you're puddinghead, and... and you were the one who sent me a heart, I... I've always thought you were cute and all—"

    "(y/n)—"

    "—and it's a bit unfair if I like you only because you're puddinghead, but I gave it a lot of thought—"

    "—(y/n), listen—"

    "—and I don't want you thinking that my feelings are just because you're a famous YouTuber and I just want to like... I don't know... I enjoy every second with you and slowly I just—"

Kenma's finger tapped your forehead, freezing you in position. His cat-like eyes were boring into your soul, and there he was, face inches away from yours, expressionlessly staring into you.

    "I've been in love with you for the longest time," Kenma's voice was gold, "No pressure, though."

    "No..." What the fuck? "N-No pressure?!"

Kenma laughed at your outburst, "Yeah, I mean... I took sometime accepting it, to even think that I liked you over the internet didn't make sense to me. And then we bumped into each other and we started gaming together and I guess I understood that your internet persona was just a part of you I'd liked, and now I like you more."

Oh.

Was it really that simple?

    "So... If I liked you as puddinghead—"

    "Please don't call me that."

    "—and if I like you as Kenma-kun, then..."

Kenma sighed before offering you a sweet smile, "It's probably the same thing, (y/n). Stop worrying."

    "Can I kiss you?" You blurted out, without thought.

God, this woman, Kenma thought, before covering his jaw with his hand.

*

In less than a week, you'd learned the route to Kenma's apartment by heart. You went over to game at his place, and slowly began streaming as (y/n) again on Twitch. You didn't want to stream with Kenma yet, because you guys had just started dating a month ago. For liking you longer than you liked him, Kenma was relatively cool about you hanging over at his, and about initiating any sort of touch—because your thoughts were practically spilling out of you and as cute as he once thought they were, he didn't want you to say 'pinch me' every time he kissed you.

Kenma's hands were buried into your hair as he kissed you fervently, softly at first before pulling back to see how flushed your face was. He'd never really imagined you being here, out of the screen he saw you from, in his arms, kissing him back.

He chuckled at the thought.

    "What's so funny?" You were legitimately a crackhead, but he adored you.

    "I thought having a crush on you was very inconvenient at first."

    "Why?"

He shrugged before pulling you to his chest, your face reddening at the contact. He noticed, but simply shook his head as you buried your face into his chest.

    "Because I thought it was too good to be true."

    "Am I the one freaking out each time or are you?"

    "Yeah, that part even I don't get."

You giggled before wrapping your hands around his neck, bringing yourself closer to him. Your face was at the crook of his neck, eyes closed as his arms were wrapped around your waist. You were both currently on Kenma's couch, nuzzling with each other on a lazy class-less Monday.

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing Kenma's roommate, in all honesty, did not know how to react when a famous Twitch streamer was lying asleep on his roommate. Kenma gave him a nonchalant look before placing a finger on his lips.

    "She's asleep."

    "Y-Yeah, that's definitely what I was thinking." The roommate said before rushing to his room and locking the door.

Well, Kenma thought before bringing his hand back around your waist, That's a problem for another day.

[dappersheep]

Food Fantasy: An Analysis on what killed a Golden Goose (1/3)

So first things first, disclaimers! I do not claim nor pretend to know every nook and cranny, ins and outs of the history of FooFan's conception, existence and uncertain future. I do not own the game nor its characters, only the opinions and thoughts stated hereon out.

This was born to vent out my frustrations with how a game like this was abused poorly by its own developer and publisher instead of being nurtured to become its full potential that could have overshadowed and remained better than the likes of Tencent's Tales of Food --I could dream, but it honestly had the potential to be.

Out of respect for the main tag, I personally will not be tagging this post and the following two with the main tag. If you want to tag it yourself with it, that's your choice. Only followers of my blog will see this.

This analysis is divided into three parts: Funtoy, Elex, and the Community. It starts under the cut. Well let's get started.

Funtoy

Ah yes, the creator. The developer. You'd think that with their sudden rise to fame during their global launch, they'd have used the massive profits they earned within the first quarter of 2018 to improve certain things about the game and then trickled it down as quickly as possible towards Global, right? Yeah, I thought so too.

After playing the game since launch, I've seen and experienced way too many things that just hammer in the fact that this is one of the most unfair gacha I've played in years. Some reasons being the following:

(Note: These are experiences ONLY on Global's version, it may also apply to CN being the original server)

⦁ The game's gacha model is aimed towards maximum predation on its players. F2p are forced to either spend some money (and thus tempt them to keep spending after getting a taste of it), or risk not even getting a good ascension of the unit to be useful at all. Paying for the event packs also doesn't guarantee that you would be able to secure a spot in the ranks. In fact, if you can't comprehend how the battle mechanics work, you could even de-rank. Fun way to burn that 800$, huh? At least you have the skin from rebates.

⦁ A little less known thing and probably theoretical at worst, the long joked about spaghetti coding of the game along with an outdated spine technology for the sprites could very well be the reason why a 2D game like this experiences the shittiest lags. Also how easy it is to hack this game with the right know-how.

⦁ Speaking of bad gameplay mechanics, did you know you could spend over fifty Mirrors and not get that final enhancement from +9 to +10 simply because there's absolutely no tangible safety net before +10?

⦁ If you're F2P, this game is terrible in giving you resources to stockpile. Because Funtoy certainly doesn't have a lot of weekly/monthly or even friendly events wherein you can get resources without spending another kind of resource. The Hawthorne event's rewards are lackluster at best, Bingo is severely limited in what it gives, and Recall also doesn't give much for a big event that only happens (supposedly) every 6 months. Did I also mention that daily resource rewards also kinda suck compared to how much you burn in just one event?

⦁ Monthly subs are a scam. Yes, you heard that right. My point of comparison here is Arknights. A monthly in AK allows you to have enough to 10-pull after 30 days, on top of a bit of stamina to help you. In FooFan? You have two monthly subs that do different things and even then, you won't have enough to 10-pull by the end of 30 days, nor is the stamina you get enough to even stockpile and ease the pressure of your need to save for the Gates or that stamina event that suddenly popped up.

⦁ A conga line of 'Must procure this unit at a high ascension to do well in the following events!'. You missed the first Pizza event? Missed the first Turkey event? God forbid, you weren't able to 5* your Beer on his debut? Well sorry, that 5* Black Tea of yours isn't gonna do squat to give you good damage. No, your 2* B-52 also isn't going to do much of anything with his lackluster damage capabilities. If you want a chance to get those event URs again, you have to wait for their pool with laughably limited pulls... and a bloated price to even pull.

⦁ The events starting after the first iteration of Turkey event get even more paywalled. As far as I remember, by the time Minestrone rolled around, an F2P with ample crystal resources can only get 2* at best. 3* and above are paywalled.

⦁ The game has incompetent balancing. The devs themselves likely have little experience in gameplay design and balancing, especially for a game with a growing roster of characters . A prime example of them launching a character not knowing it would pretty much unbalance the game? Look no further than Beer. The guy had to have a couple of nerfs done to him because he was just too meta. You know what's sadder? Before the 'switch' to Brave meta, almost all meta units was built to benefit off the Beer meta.

⦁ Artifacts. Do I even have to explain how the introduction of such a game feature so early into the lifespan of this game essentially fucked over the balance even more? Not to mention, all the more reason you'd be crying with the Gates of Trials demanding so much out of your stamina and crystal resources. F2Ps are again, the ones that suffer in this part. What's their reason? Profit, of course.

⦁ The nerf of resto chests. This was the primary source for people who were saving up stamina for the Gates... until Funtoy decided they were being too generous to their playerbase and dropped the stamina probability rate to 1% or less.

⦁ Terrible UI layout and design. Come on, be honest now, you've lost several thousand of your hard earned crystals buying screws in the fishing shop because you didn't notice that shiny warning in small text and a green button with the crystal image slapped on it, didn't you?

⦁ Look at all these SRs! All of them! Wow, they even outnumber the Rs by at least 80! What's that? There's more URs now too compared to Rs and Ms combined? That can't be real. But seriously, you'd think Funtoy could make some of these SRs into Rs and add them to the perm pool/shard fusion so people aren't stuck pulling Macaron or Dorayaki every time. They could have also populated the Team Up rewards with SRs instead of Rs. But you know... that won't bring them profit. Haha... haha.... Oh and I haven't even told you about the SP class...!

⦁ Lore. Yes, I'm sure by now you're aware that the in-game lore is different from the ones in the non-SP Food Soul bios, in the SP Food Soul bios that sort of ties in with the New World story (that global will never be getting btw). At this point, Funtoy handwaves the confusion away by saying, 'they're all different timelines'. Yes yes, an easy and cliche move to explain how shitty the writing direction went after a while. I don't know what happened, all I know is that lore got weird(er) when they introduced SP Rice.

⦁ They. Keep. Adding. More. Characters! They fail to see that a lot of their earlier players have imprinted on the first few waves of Food Souls and they sadly also fail to properly give some of them more story expansion... or skins. At the moment, they're shelling out so many JP-centric Food Souls because... as I see it? They're pandering to the last bastion of whales they have.

⦁ Merchandise. And I mean a variety of merchandise that isn't using the same official art every time. Like they couldn't afford to commission a couple of artists one or two times to make unique merchandise that would sell. They started too late on that train, and they even made it too hard for anyone not in CN or JP to even procure what already exists. Not to mention, they keep using the same 'popular' set of characters for their merchandise and never really expanding out to making merch for other characters.

These are all the things I can list off at the top of my head why Funtoy as a developer sucks ass. They could sweeten their words all they want, it won't change the fact that they've certainly made way too many bad decisions and found out about it too late, and now they're desperate to keep Food Fantasy alive to keep their profits coming in to make whatever that cat girl game they have and that supposedly 'side-game' FF2 they announced.

There may have been problems out of their control that I or you do not see, but one thing is for sure, they were blinded by greed for the money they were raking in on all their servers at the start, and never actually bothered to invest in more manpower in the right places to improve the game, both gameplay-wise and worldbuilding wise. It's actually saddening that this game could have been so much more with several QoLs and a more fleshed out lore, perhaps even spacing out the number of new units they keep introducing while going back to giving their old units more attention.

That's it for Funtoy. We're moving onto Elex in the next part and boy is that also a trip.

[mel-at-dusk]

SEX, LIES AND CHEAP COLOGNE: AN ORAL HISTORY OF ABERCROMBIE & FITCH’S SOFTCORE PORN MAG

The story of how an oversexed, strangely intellectual magazine by a polo shirt brand completed the improbable task of changing the course of sexuality in America’s malls, homes and moose-print boxers

Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries was a shrewd businessman, but he didn’t always make the best decisions. Between the blatantly racist T-shirts he signed off on, the child thongs he called “cute” and the series of public statements he made admitting that his brand intentionally excluded anyone who wasn’t “cool” and “good-looking” with “great attitudes and a lot of friends,” it’s no wonder that he spent the majority of his reign at Abercrombie in hot water. (For the uninitiated, Abercrombie made what fashion writer Natasha Stagg calls “sexy versions of the clothes kids already wore to school: T-shirts and jeans, stuff you could toss a football in or throw on the grass if everyone decided to go skinny-dipping.” More importantly, as she writes in her book Sleeveless, it was “for those who were casually peaking in high school.” It, meanwhile, peaked in the 1990s.)

An exception to Jeffries’ questionable CEO-ing would be A&F Quarterly, the glorious, controversial and questionably pornographic “magalog” he created at the height of the brand’s popularity in 1997 in order to connect “youth and sex” to its image. Woven in amongst surprisingly thoughtful interviews with A-list humans like Spike Lee, Bret Easton Ellis, Rudy Guiliani and Lil’ Kim was a cascade of naked photos from photographer Bruce Weber which showed nubile youngs in various states of undress. They were frolicking, they were caressing and they were deep in the throes of experimenting with types of sex that — at the time — had never been portrayed by mainstream brands.

With issue titles such as “XXX,” “The Pleasure Principle” and “Naughty and Nice,” the Quarterly dove headfirst into the risque. During its 25-issue run between 1997 and 2003, it printed interviews with porn star Jenna Jameson, offered sex advice on how to “go down” in public and suggested ��� on multiple occasions — that its readers dabble in group sex. One issue published an article on how to be a “Web exhibitionist,” another featured a Slovenian philosopher barking orders to “learn sex” at school and big-dick Ron Jeremy even stopped by to talk about performing oral sex on himself and using a cast made from his own penis.

The actual Abercrombie clothing being modeled in the magalog was an afterthought, appearing in Weber’s photos as more of an impediment to nudity than an actual, purchasable item. The whole thing was, as journalist Harris Sockel put it in an Human Parts essay, “20 percent merch, 20 percent talk and 100 percent soft-core aspirational porn.”

None of this would have been vexing had a more adult-oriented brand been the ones hawking it, but Abercrombie & Fitch was — and still is — marketed toward suspiciously toned teenage field hockey players named Brett. Though he might have looked like a man in his big salmon-pink polo, Brett was but a child. Abercrombie was fond of saying its clothing was for college-aged clientele, but we all knew where its real haute runway took place — inside the crowded halls of every middle school in Ohio.

The Quarterly, too, was intended for college kids, and to prove it, Abercrombie shrink-wrapped it in plastic and sold only to those over 18 for $6 a pop. You could buy it as a subscription, of course, but it was more commonly found in-store, nestled alongside A&F’s cargo shorts and “thongs for 10-year-olds,” a questionable placement that prompted concerned parents, conservatives and Christians to accuse Abercrombie of sullying their children’s minds with impure thoughts.

As such, the Quarterly became the subject of a mounting number of boycotts, protests and controversies that some believe were responsible for its eventual demise. By the time circulation peaked at 1.2 million in 2003, it had been denounced by organizations like the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, the American Decency Association, Focus on the Family, the National Organization for Women and, of course, the Catholic League.

Yet the outrage against the Quarterly was matched — if not exceeded — by its cult following, who found its frank portrayal of sexuality to be transcendent. Journalists, artists and the teens whose hands it fell into adored the magazine, and its rarity — plus its utter absurdity — makes it a sought-after collector’s item to this day.

At the same time, few people know about the Quarterly and even fewer realize what it meant to the generations of young people discovering themselves and their sexualities through the unlikely lens of branded content. As journalist Emily Lever puts it, “There’s no weirder way to learn about sex than to pick up a magazine by Abercrombie & Fitch — a brand for hot, mean mostly white kids who shoved you into lockers — but, I guess I’ll take it?”

This is the story of how an oversexed and strangely intellectual magazine by a polo shirt brand completed the improbable task of changing the course of sexuality in America’s malls, homes and moose-print boxers.

AND IN THE BEGINNING, THERE WAS ASS

The first issue A&F Quarterly debuted in June 1997. With 70-ish pages of full-color hard bodies, it was relatively tame compared to later editions, but it quickly became popular when Abercrombie’s nubile clientele realized it was a paper-backed portal into an adult world of sex, nudity and the kind of unbridled sensory hedonism their parents warned them about. As rumors of its legend began to spread, people began to wonder: What the hell is A&F Quarterly, and why is it printing ass for teens?

Emily Lever, journalist and chronicler of the Quarterly’s absurdist philosophical leanings: A&F Quarterly was an in-house magazine put together by Abercrombie & Fitch that published a who’s who of literati to accompany their images of young adult and teen bodies in order to hawk expensive distressed jeans and polo shirts to kids who would shove you inside a locker.

Alissa Quart, author of Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers and director of the Economic Hardship Reporting Project: From what I recall, it had a Bruce Weber-y vibe — gorgeous young men and teens unapologetically objectified, a leering retro pin-up element, also sort of like the highly stylized, sexed-up, nostalgic 1980s and 1990s black-and-white Guess ads. Men — boys, really — were photographed without their shirts, elaborately muscled abs, sometimes naked.

Harris Sockel, in his Human Parts essay: [It was] Playboy crossed with Fratmen.com and a bit of Field & Stream. The Quarterly made my hormones do a kick line across my frontal lobe. I wanted to nibble the soy ink for snack until sunrise. To absorb it so deeply I sweat grey drops onto my pillow. To rip a page from that issue and fold it into a paper flower and stick it all the way up my ass until it came out my mouth.

Lever: Yeah, it was hot. But it was also extraordinarily literary. It featured big-time thinkers, writers and philosophers — stuff that was supposedly intended to expand your mind. It was way too high-brow for the average Abercrombie teen, and its existence made almost no sense given what the brand represented.

Savas Abadsidis, editor-in-chief, 1997-2003: There was nothing else like it. We were the first mainstream brand to combine playful, irreverent, intellectual content with sex and youth in this beautiful, high-art magazine format. Was it controversial? Sure. But it made the entire country take notice.

What they didn’t necessarily see, however, was what was going on behind the scenes. Not only were we the first brand to do this kind of advertising, we were also the first big brand to normalize gay culture for a mainstream audience, expose America’s youth to some of the era’s most progressive thinkers and use our platform to address sexuality in a useful, hands-on way. And you wouldn’t necessarily expect that from Abercrombie. That’s what made it so cool.

It all began in 1996. I was 22 and working at a temp job for a prominent New York architect who happened to be friends with Sam Shahid, a big-time creative director for Calvin Klein, Banana Republic and later, Abercrombie & Fitch. He was looking for an assistant. I had taken a deferment to go to law school and was looking for a job for that interim year, so I applied. I got in.

It was a horrible gig at first. Just awful, Devil Wears Prada-type stuff. I left crying many nights. But I had two things going for me. The first was that Abercrombie had a really small office in the West Village. Mike Jeffries, the president and CEO of Abercrombie, used to come in. He wore flip flops, had a desk made out of a surfboard and began each sentence with the word “Dude.”

Mike Jeffries, ex-CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch, speaking to Salon in 2006: Dude, I’m not an old fart who wears his jeans up at his shoulders.

Abadsidis: I didn’t know it at the time, but Mike was gay (I wouldn’t find out until much later). I think that was part of the reason why he and Sam — who was also gay — took me under their wing. They actually didn’t realize that I was, too — it’s not like we all sat around a bonfire at Fire Island and talked about how us gay guys were infiltrating Abercrombie — but that dynamic dovetailed nicely with Bruce’s photography for both the brand and the Quarterly, and it certainly set the tone for what was to come. I was grateful to get what amounted to an unofficial apprenticeship from both Mike and Sam, and eventually, they had me doing much more involved tasks than I was hired to do.

One of them was sitting in on important meetings. At the time, Mike was inviting all these different editors from magazines like Interview, Men’s Journal and Rolling Stone to come in and brainstorm ideas for what the Quarterly could be, but their ideas were flat. They felt like ideas coming from 45-year-olds writing for college kids, and I could tell Mike was getting frustrated by how little they seemed to grasp what he wanted.

One day in a meeting, one of the magazine editors threw out an idea. Without even acknowledging him, Mike turned to me. “Savas,” he asked. “What do you think about that?”

My mind raced — I could tell he was testing me. If I flubbed the answer, I’d be done. I briefly considered censoring myself, but then I thought better. What did I have to lose? I was young. Surely, I’d find another summer job. “I don’t think it’s a great idea,” I told him.

Apparently, that was the right answer. Mike practically threw the guy out of the room.

After that, I started to think more about what I’d want to see out of a magazine. I was just out of college as a French comparative literature major at Vassar, and I was super into that sort of 1950s-style Esquire journalism with the dapper closing essay. I was deep into The New Yorker, Interview Magazine, 1990s-era Details, MAD Magazine and 1980s pop star mags like Tiger Beat, too — those were all an influence. I also loved philosophy, social theory and comics. And graphic novels. You know — college stuff. Then it hit me: If the magazine was for people like me, why not get actual college kids — not 50-year-olds — to create our content?

I suspected my ideas were what they were looking for and knew they’d look fresh compared to what other editors were throwing out, so I decided to take a risk. I got up at 2 a.m. and typed out a 20-page proposal for what I thought the Quarterly should be. The next morning, I faxed a copy to Mike. I left another on Sam’s desk.

About a (very anxious) week later, Sam called me into his office and told me to pick up his phone. Mike was on the other line. As I reached for the receiver, he leaned over to me and said, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

I didn’t even have time to comprehend what that meant before Mike’s voice was in my ear. “Congratulations, kid,” he told me. “You get one shot.”

Shortly thereafter, I was promoted from Sam’s assistant to the completely green, 23-year-old editor-in-chief of the Quarterly. It was a Jerry Maguire moment. I was thrilled and terrified at the same time.

They gave me a month to put together a staff and get the first issue out. Bruce Weber was named as its exclusive photographer — he’d already been shooting ads and campaigns for Abercrombie — and Sam was the creative director. As for me, I knew I’d need an editorial staff, and stat.

HOLY SHIT, THERE ARE NO LIMITS

Abadsidis quickly throws together a team composed of two college buddies, Patrick Carone and Gary Kon, who he describes as “pretty funny and stuff.” Carone became the only straight guy on the editorial side. Kon is Jewish and gay. The three of them vow to stay as true to the idealized college experience as possible with their content — even if it means chasing white whales.

Abadsidis: I can’t remember the exact starting budget, but it was upwards of a few million, probably much larger than most magazines get for their first issue! But our budget was also Bruce’s budget. He was getting advertising money, so we were well taken care of in that regard.

We weren’t really expected to turn a profit, though. That was never the point. Come to think of it, I don’t even think we tracked how much the magazine impacted clothing sales, although from what I can remember, clothing sales bumped up double digits every quarter after we launched (for a while, at least). [This statement is unverified.] But that didn’t matter: Our mission was just to set the brand image and make people aware of us. That was our version of success. We were also our only advertiser for a while, so we could get away with a lot of stuff that other publications couldn’t.

Gary Kon, managing editor, 1997-2003: When Savas offered me the job, I jumped at the opportunity. I’d already interned for Sam, and I’d have to scan hundreds of Bruce Weber images that he shot for Abercrombie as part of the job. And I fell in love with his work. It was the visual connection that seduced me. Weber’s photos were like a new Greek mythology; the men and women depicted in the photos were both idealized and sexualized. As a gay kid, who was pretty comfortable by that time in my own skin, I had no problem recognizing the eroticism in his work.

Abadsidis: Me, Gary and Patrick was definitely something special. I don’t think I’ll ever have an opportunity to create anything like that again. I was a huge comic book fan. If I had to describe it, it’s the closest thing I’ll ever come to Stan Lee’s Marvel comics bullpen. Pretty much everyone I hired was super unique. We weren’t all gay (maybe half of us were) but few of us really adhered to the Abercrombie image.

I think Sean came on in 2001.

Sean T. Collins, managing editor, 2001-2003: I was a little skittish about it at first because Abercrombie & Fitch represented everything I was not. They marketed, almost exclusively, to the lacrosse players that called me names I cannot repeat. It was very preppy, and that was not me at all.

I was alternative, maaan. I was a big fan of Nine Inch Nails. I wore a lot of black. A&F was everything I wasn’t, and in a way, everything that had tormented me as a kid. The irony of me working for them was palpable, but what I learned very quickly was that at the Quarterly, you could do anything that you wanted.

One of my first articles was an interview with Clive Barker, the writer and director of Hellraiser (he also wrote Candyman). Now, if you’ve seen Hellraiser, you can imagine just how far of a departure a sadomasochistic horror film was from Abercrombie & Fitch, but getting him to sign on was easy. He’s gay, and at the time, he was super ripped. I think he appreciated the extravagant gayness of the Weber stuff in particular. He was also a photographer, and his husband was, too. I think he recognized what was going on with the photography.

We had an unlimited expense budget, so I took him out for drinks at the Four Seasons. I talked to him for hours, and then he invited me to go back to his house and hang out and see his art studio. He had three mansions in a row on Sunset in Los Angeles, up in the hills. One for his office, one for his actual domicile and one that was a painting studio. I got to see that. I was just a 23-year-old kid. This was my first job out of college, and I felt like Cameron Crowe from Almost Famous. After that, I was like, “Holy shit, there are no limits.”

Kon: I have to credit Savas with pushing us to work without limitations. We were very lucky. At some point during my tenure, I realized that as long as we worked within our (sizable) budget, we had almost full autonomy. We could plan trips to Hollywood to shoot our favorite actors. We could travel to Thailand to reenact our version of The Beach. We could tag along to London or Rome or wherever Bruce was shooting the catalog. We could stroll into the office at 11 a.m. and work until 11 p.m.

Collins: If I wanted to talk to Bettie Page, the pinup model from the 1950s, they’d be like, “Okay, sure.” If I wanted to feature Underworld, my favorite electronic music band, it was, “Sure, go ahead.” It was total editorial freedom, which was so strange knowing how specific of a person the “Abercrombie type was.” I’ve been writing for two decades now, and I’ve never experienced anything like it since.

Abadsidis: Everyone wanted to be in it, too. At first, it was just indie musicians. But then, in the second issue, we snagged Lil’ Kim. That’s when I knew we’d made it big. She was into it — she loved everything about the Quarterly. A lot of people did. The whole high-brow/low-brow thing was really appealing, and the idea of going to college, reading good books, getting drunk and having sex felt uniquely nostalgic and fresh in the context of America back then. Clinton was getting impeached for getting a blow job. It was just a weird, puritanical time, and the Quarterly gave people a national platform to let their freak flag fly.

We had Rudy Guiliani, early Britney Spears, Paula Abdul. There was the New York issue where we talked about the Harlem Renaissance. Spike Lee — one of my idols — asked me if he could be in it. He’d done advertising, you know? I remember him being like, “Yo, this is the deal. I’ve got to give you mad props. This is the dopest thing out right now, advertising-wise.”

We had big-time philosophers and literary figures, too. They were great. We wanted to mimic the experience of being in college and having your mind expanded, so we got writers like Bret Easton Ellis and Michael Cunningham on board. There was a whole Sex Ed issue plastered with musings from Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek, a friend of a professor’s from college. I believe Jonathan Franzen was in there, too.

Jonathan Franzen, award-winning novelist and essayist: I gave hundreds of interviews between 1997 and 2003, almost all of them at the request of various publishers. One of them must have thought it was a good idea to talk to A&F. The fact that I apparently did (I don’t remember it) signifies nothing except that I felt grateful to my publishers.

Collins: We got a lot of weirdos, too. John Edward, the guy who talked to dead people. Chuck Palahniuk, who wrote Fight Club. At the time, it didn’t have the meathead reputation that it does now. It was legitimately looked at as this piece of anti-corporate, anti-capitalist art, the irony of which was just delightful given that we were a capitalist brand trying to sell polo shirts and $90 ripped jeans.

Abadsidis: The only guy who refused an interview was Donald Trump! I have a feeling his 90-year-old secretary had something to do with it. Though we were technically a magalog and did belong to the brand, our stuff was just really visionary. David Keeps, who was the editor of Details at the time, always defended the Quarterly as a real magazine and publicly said that we were doing more innovative stories than most “real” magazines at a time.

ASPIRATIONAL HOMOEROTICS

It’s no secret that the photography and creative direction of Weber and Shahid contained homoerotic undertones. Irreverent, minimal and moody, it was suggestive without being literal, spinning entire storylines into a single frame. At the same time, it was too idealized to be “real.” The queerness that their photos showed was, as Collins puts it, “aspirational,” meaning that like the mostly white, ab-riddled models instructed to sell cargo shorts by taking them off, they didn’t necessarily represent the full reality of what queerness actually was.

Still, the photos that the Quarterly published during its seven-year run did more to normalize and represent queerness and non-monogamy than any other mainstream brand at the time — weird, considering that Abercrombie’s target market was hegemonic suburbanites whose parents bred genetically pure golden retrievers and had cabins in Vail. Without these photos, the Quarterly might have read more as a minor-league Esquire or Ivy League MAD Magazine, but with them, it became one of the least-discussed, most under-appreciated items queer history.

Collins: Our editorial content — which almost functioned as a parody of so-called “Abercrombie people” — was always accompanied by this extremely beautiful photography that was also extremely queer. But it was never explicitly so. It was all this nudge, nudge, wink, wink stuff. I don’t know how you could miss it, though. The homoeroticism was so overt.

Abadsidis: You’d have had to have been blind not to consider the imagery homoerotic (though, it was really in the eye of the beholder). We had the Carlson twins posing on the cover and riding a motorcycle. We had a drag queen named Candis Cayne. There was a lesbian couple kissing at a wedding.

Kon: David Sedaris, Gus Van Sant, Gregg Araki, Avenue Q, Stan Lee, Peaches, Fischerspooner… you could teach a queer theory class with everyone we featured.

Abadsidis: At the same time, we never labeled anything as “gay” or “lesbian” or “queer.” We never came out and said, “Welcome to our gay magazine!” and we never had a meeting where we were like, “Okay, guys, let’s figure out how to make this thing gay.” It was more nonchalant. The imagery implied it without saying it.

Hampton Carney, A&F Quarterly spokesperson, 1999-2003: The message we were sending was clear: “You do you, whatever that is. Have fun!”

Abadsidis: That was a very 1990s thing.

Collins: There was a specific brand of Abercrombie gayness that got shown, though. The word that they always used to describe Abercrombie as a brand was “aspirational.” They didn’t want to make it like an everyday, normal-people brand. They wanted it to be associated with money, glamour and that WASP-y aesthetic. So all the gay raunch of it was presented within the context of what appeared to be a very square, nuclear family: white, wealthy and secure.

At the same time, that was really when same-sex marriage was kicking off as a political issue. I think you can see a commonality in how Abercrombie was essentially making an argument that you could be a normie and also be gay. That was a newish thing at the time (though I’m barely an expert as I’m not gay myself). Still, I can’t help but see a resonance between coming up with this clandestine content that normalized being gay at the same time this big political fight that was brewing.

Maybe being more forward about it would have come across as “too political.”

Abadsidis: Part of me wishes we’d gone a little further with being more outwardly queer, but I don’t think the time was right. Maybe with a braver CEO — no one at the time was brave enough to take on queerness or gay rights as a mainstream brand, including us — and that’s why few people remember the Quarterly as the sort of transcendent queer thing that it was.

Kon: It’s never been credited as such, but the Quarterly is really an item of gay history. I don’t think we were pushing a “gay” or “metrosexual” lifestyle on people as much as we were showing that it already existed, even out in Middle America. Perhaps that’s what made people uncomfortable. We took that thread of counterculture and taboo that ran through the imagery and continued it into the editorial content. We dealt with topics like drinking, drugs, religion, politics and sex. Again, these are issues young people dealt with daily, but were rarely editorialized.

At Vassar, there was a yearly party called The Homo Hop. It was one of the biggest parties of the year and leaned on Vassar’s history as a women’s college. I bring this up because, on the night of my freshman Homo Hop, I was instructed that each student had to do something sexually that they had never done, and one drug that they had never done. It wasn’t that you had to be gay, but you had to experience something that was new and different. I think that translated well into the Quarterly. Yes, there were a bunch of gay guys writing and shooting and drawing images. But we were simply trying to expose Cargo Short Brett to ideas, images, artists, books, writers and directors that he may have never heard of before. Our shared experiences would become his.

Collins: It was culture jamming, really.

Abadsidis: It was also very “college” to be fluid or experimental without labeling it. I think it’s safe to say that college is one of the gayest places there is in life, maybe not sexually, but definitely in terms of having your mind expanded about different types of people.

Carney: I was in a frat. I’d see fraternity brothers streaking across campus together. It was never a big deal. There are a lot more people in the middle of either extreme of sexuality than people talk about. We’re not one and 10 — we’re one through 10, if you will. That kind of stuff has always happened on college campuses, and that’s the kind of mentality we had around sex. We just happened to editorialize it really beautifully.

Collins: There’s a Barbara Kruger print that reminds me of the mood we were trying to capture: It reads: “You construct intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men.” That’s basically what Abercrombie & Fitch was. It was an intricate ritual that allowed sunkissed lacrosse players to metaphorically touch the skin of other men.

Carney: You know what’s funny, though? It was never the gay stuff people had a problem with. It was everything else.

LET THE CONTROVERSIES BEGIN

For almost every moment of its seven-year life, The Quarterly was a controversial publication. Parents, politicians and conservative-types didn’t appreciate its no-holds-barred approach to rampant fucking, and they could not, for the life of them, understand how such an adult magazine was making its way into the hands of their precious teens (who were probably jacking off to dad’s Playboys long before the Quarterly came along, but I digress). There was approximately one year — 1997 — where the amount of people it pissed off stayed below a critical mass, but after a certain somebody published a story that vaguely suggested underage kids drink, it was off to the races.

Abadsidis: We got in our fair share of trouble with Christian groups and concerned parents right off the bat. Let’s take one of the earlier issues — I believe it was Summer of 1998. It was my story. Basically, I suggested that people could do better than beer and that they should “indulge in some creative drinking.” There was one drink I made up called the “Brain Hemorrhage” and a few others you could play a drinking game with. We also included a spinner insert people could cut out.

None of it had anything to do with driving, of course, but the issue was called “On the Road.” It was a sort of beat-focused, Jack Kerouac thing, so some people interpreted that as us promoting drunk driving (though we did nothing of the sort). Also, the kid on the cover was underage. He was 16, if I remember correctly. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) didn’t like that.

Karolyn Nunnallee, vice president of public policy for MADD: We had been really focused on underage drinking and had been instrumental in getting the country’s legal drinking age raised to 21. Then Abercrombie & Fitch comes out with this weird magazine that basically said, “Don’t go back to college drinking the usual beer. We’re going to show you a new way to drink.”

Not only did they have this drinking game, but they had recipes for these mixed drinks for young people to partake in. I was like, “Abercrombie & Fitch? Aren’t they in the clothing business?” What in the world were they doing? I mean, they were a high-end brand, not Walmart. Why would they take their focus off of clothing and put it toward alcohol? Were their clothes not good enough that year or something?

Needless to say, we weren’t happy with them. Curse words were handed out. We sent a letter to them and started a whole media campaign about it. We went on as many news media outlets as we possibly could with the story of how incensed we were.

Abadsidis: I was sure I was going to get fired over that. We had to remove the page with the spinner out of every single issue across the country. We apologized, of course, but it ended up backfiring against the protesters — that incident gave us so much publicity. It put us on the map. It also made us a target for conservative types. They hated us. After MADD, boycotts of Abercrombie started flaring up all over the place. That’s around the time we hired Hampton to do PR.

Carney: It was my job, at the time, to defend the brand. I’d go on talk shows like Entertainment Tonight or Today Show and explain away our latest controversy (there were a lot). It wasn’t hard, actually; each time, I’d give them what was more or less my go-to response: “It’s a beautiful publication intended for college-aged kids.” And that was the truth! It was way ahead of its time and was absolutely meant for people 18 and up.

Though not everyone saw it that way. The sex and nudity really got to people. A lot of them definitely thought we were making porn. That was the constant complaint: We were deliberately putting porn in the hands of young kids.

Lever: The Quarterly featured about the same level of nudity as a European yogurt commercial. Which is to say, a lot. It was a “clothing catalog” with almost no clothing. Of course [American] people thought it was pornographic!

Carney: Okay, sure — there were photos of like, six girls in bed with one guy and more than a few spreads that enthusiastically suggested naked non-monogamy — but it wasn’t porn. It was tasteful. And let me tell you — nothing we had in there was surprising to kids.

Abadsidis: The models ranged from 16 to 20. It was erotic. It was art. I don’t think there’s anything pornographic about the Quarterly unless you think that nudity, in and of itself, is pornographic.

Illinois Lieutenant Governor Corinne Wood did, apparently. In 1999, she called for a boycott of Abercrombie & Fitch because its “Naughty or Nice” holiday issue “contained nudity” and “even an interview with a porn star.” That porn star was none other than Jenna Jameson, who at the time was well on her way to becoming a household name. A so-called “child prodigy” occupied the neighboring page, sparking accusations that the Quarterly somehow intended to connect children to porn.

A cartoon of Mr. and Mrs. Claus experimenting with S&M across from the statement “Sometimes it’s good to be bad” didn’t help, nor did the “sexpert” who offered advice on “sex for three” and told readers that going down on each other in a movie theater was acceptable “just so long as you do not disturb those around you.”

The Illinois Coalition of Sexual Assault joined Wood’s boycott. Later that year, Michigan attorney general (and eventual governor) Jennifer Granholm sent a letter to Abercrombie complaining that the “Naughty or Nice” issue contained sexual material that couldn’t be distributed to minors under state law.

Carney: There were four states that tried to ban us after that. I remember Granholm. She was my arch-nemesis at the time — we really got into it. I respected where she was coming from, of course, but our whole thing was that we weren’t showing anything that wasn’t actually happening on college campuses. And I’d already made it pretty clear to the press that the magazine wasn’t for minors.

Also, it’s not like we were the only magazine talking about or showing sex. You could find all the exact same stuff in Cosmo or Playboy — it’s just that we were a clothing brand, and one whose major customer base just so happened to be teens and young adults. No one expected that from us. Brands weren’t “supposed” to be talking about sex period, let alone to teens and young adults. But we took it upon ourselves to pioneer a more open, honest view of it. That’s the wrinkle that made it so interesting.

We did come to an agreement with Granholm. We decided to wrap the magazine in plastic and make it available for purchase only to those over 18, that way, it’d be even more clear that we weren’t “selling porn to the underage.”

Kon: I believe it was one of the few times the company acquiesced.

Collins: Other than that, don’t remember getting any instruction from Savas, Mike or Sam to tone it down. It was kind of mutually assumed that we weren’t going to apologize for the sexual nature of our content. We knew we had to keep things sexy, as it were — that was our whole thing.

We weren’t deliberately trying to piss off people, but we were trying to push the envelope, and there was definitely an element of deliberate trolling of conservatives and Christian groups. It was a good thing if we pissed them off. It created the controversy that made the brand seem edgy and dangerous, which is what you want if you’re trying to appeal to young people.

Carney: We were also just showing real things that happened at college. And as anyone who’s been to college knows, it’s not just about reading and writing papers. It’s also about sex. Not only that, of course, but we’re sexual beings. We respond to images that are sexual. We were trying to take the stigma away from that and acknowledge that it’s not a bad thing to do.

But no matter how clear we made it, our stance on sex polarized people more and more. I could tell, because almost as soon as I started speaking on behalf of the magazine, strange things started to happen to me. I got stalkers. People left me messages saying I was going to hell and I’d have no afterlife. I got hate mail to my house. One person left a package containing their dirty, stained underwear at the front door of my apartment with a note saying they’d be “coming by later” to “talk to me about it.” I had to call the police on that one.

I was the face of the publication, so I got the vast majority of the harassment. But I didn’t mind. It was my job to take the fall, and I heard and respected every single person’s complaint and talked to them about it. Plus, for every message I got banishing me to hell, I got another from a journalist or a fan begging me to save a copy for them. People collected them. They really loved it, precisely because it was so sexual.

Abadsidis: Mike didn’t flinch about any of this stuff. He wanted to defend it because he could see it was working. We weren’t about to tone anything down (at the time).

Flash-forward to June 2001. The Twin Towers are still standing tall, tips are being frosted and Apple has just unleashed iTunes onto an unsuspecting populace. A&F Quarterly, now in its fourth year, is in hot water once again. Having survived a number of boycotts, lawsuits and controversies since its inception, it’s now in the midst of weathering another minor national conniption over its use of nudity.

Jeannine Stein, describing the Summer 2001 issue in an excerpt from a Los Angeles Times article called “Nudity? A&F Quarterly Has It Covered”: [It’s] explicit in ways that most catalogs and fashion magazines are not, and its use of male nudity is uncommon among general-interest publications. It features 280 pages of young, attractive men and women alone and together, in serious, romantic, sexual and party modes, wearing lots of A&F clothes, some A&F clothes and sometimes no clothes at all. Among the coffee-table book-ish photos by Bruce Weber is a man, covered only by a towel, surrounded by five women; a woman at the beach reclining body-to-body with three men; a back view of a naked man getting into a helicopter (we haven’t quite figured that one out yet); and a few topless females.

There are many naked butts and breasts.

Abadsidis: We also had photos of nude women in a fountain — which were inspired by Katharine Hepburn skinny-dipping at Bryn Mawr College — and a whole set dedicated to the Berkeley student that spent a day naked in class. It was par for the course for us, but even though we’d done the whole shrink-wrap and over-18 thing, people still felt it was too sexual for branded content.

In response, an unexpected alliance formed between cultural conservatives and anti-porn feminists to boycott Abercrombie & Fitch over the Summer 2001 issue of A&F Quarterly. According to Wikipedia, the offending issue included “photographs of naked or near-naked young people frolicking on the beach,” “top-naked young women and rear-naked young men on top of each other” and an “interview with porn star Ron Jeremy, who discussed performing oral sex on himself and using a dildo cast from his own penis.” Once again, Wood was at the helm.

David Crary, journalist, excerpt from a 2001 Associated Press article: Illinois Lt. Gov. Corinne Wood — a Republican who has been sparring with A&F since 1999 — announced the boycott campaign last week in Chicago. She has recruited a diverse mix of supporters more familiar with facing off against each other than with working together.

Wood, writing on her website in 2001: A&F is glamorizing indiscriminate sexual behavior that unsophisticated teenagers are not possibly equipped to weigh against the dangers of date rape, unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted disease.

Michelle Dewlen, president of the Chicago chapter of the National Organization for Women, speaking at one of Woods’ press conferences in 2001: It’s not a catalog. It’s a soft porn magazine.

Rev. Bob Vanden Bosch, head of Concerned Christian Americans, as quoted by the AP: It’s very important for people to get involved. The exploitation of sex and young people in A&F’s catalog isn’t only atrocious but also a psychological molestation of their teenage customers.

Quart: It was predatory in a few ways, really. One was that it confused the corporate identity of Abercrombie and the advertising with the editorial. It preyed on young consumers not understanding the difference between editorial content and sales content. Back then it led, I saw, to a way that girls were objectifying themselves and commodifying themselves. It ultimately led to boys also objectifying themselves and commodifying themselves — not to the same extent, but far more than they were when I started reporting Branded a little more than two decades ago.

I have the stats on the male body image dysmorphia at the time in Branded (which has only worsened). Then, male body shaming and “manorexia” was on the rise, for the first time on a mass scale. It couldn’t help for the most popular brand at the time to have a dedicated giant glossy magazine filled with pictures of male teenagers with zero body fat half undressed.

Abadsidis: I mean, sure, as much as any advertising does. It wasn’t like we were leading that charge. Any effect on self-image was certainly unintentional, but I do think it did make people want to be athletic. You definitely saw a lot of guys trying to look like that during that period, especially as time went on. If you look at the first few issues, the guys aren’t that built. Ashton Kutcher was actually in the second one — that was his first big break — and they get increasingly more cut from there. That whole era is when men’s body issues started to come out.

Lever: I’d also submit that all this was controversial because it was pre-internet. The internet mainstreamed sexual content in a way that makes A&F or other “scandalous” ad campaigns (like the 2003 Gucci ad with the model’s pubes shaved into the shape of a G) seem quaint, even obsolete. Like, do you remember that Eckhaus Latta ad a few years ago that scandalized people for five minutes because it showed people having real (albeit pixelated) sex? Neither does anyone else.

SLAVOJ ŽIŽEK TEACHES SEX ED

Always filled with philosophy, social theory and intellectually minded topics that likely soared over the heads of most Abercrombie consumers, the Quarterly outdid itself in the Fall of 2003 with its penultimate issue. A gorgeous romp of summer-spirited abandon accompanied by some delightfully incoherent, Dada-like musings from Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek, it connected a “back-to-school” theme with a pretty clear directive to fuck. Yet, the information it presented was actually rather safe and tame, a reality which confused and irritated Quarterly staff. Their content was legit, so why was everyone up in arms?

Abadsidis: The “Sex Ed” issue was the second to last one that we did. It got some of the most criticism, and was supposedly the reason everything was finished. I literally had stuff in there cited straight from the University of Michigan’s freshman student handbook on sexual conduct, and it still pissed people off! Then, of course, there was Žižek.

Lever: Žižek identifies as a radical leftist. He’s very famous for his work on cultural theory and critical theory. He analyzes all kinds of topics in his signature, impenetrable — but also approachable — style. And when I think of him, I think of his very distinctive manner of speaking, that some people have described as being on cocaine constantly. But he’s definitely kind of a cult figure, a favorite of people who consider themselves highbrow, but also fun.

He’s really touted as the greatest anti-capitalist of our time, and yet, here he was, “sexually educating” the mean girls and boys of your high school, in a brand catalog whose entire goal was to ensnare young people for the purpose of selling them distressed jeans.

According to the magazine’s foreword, the editor wrote to Žižek and said this: “Dear Slavoj, enclosed please find the images for our back to school issue. We’ve never had a philosopher write the text for our images before, so write what you like. We’re looking for that Karl Marx meets Groucho Marx thing you do so well. Thanks, Savas.”

Abadsidis: I love Slavoj. He was friends with one of my professors from school. He only had 24 hours to write this, so we actually sent someone to London where he was to drop off the images we wanted him to write text for. They hung out for a day and then flew back with what he’d written.

Lever: It was basically a series of insane, absurdist ramblings pasted over really hot naked people.

Žižek, excerpt from A&F Quarterly’s 2003 Sex Ed issue: Back to school thus means forget the stupid spontaneous pleasures of summer sports, of reading books, watching movies and listening to music. Pull yourself together and learn sex.

Lever: I mean, that’s like the first episode of every teen TV show, where these three nerdy boys start high school and they’re like, “Okay, we’re going to be cool this year guys. We’re going to lose our virginities.” It’s very formulaic. But there’s more.

Žižek: The only successful sexual relationship occurs when the fantasies of the two partners overlap. If the man fantasizes that making love is like riding a bike and the woman wants to be penetrated by a stud, then what truly goes on while they make love is that a horse is riding a bike… with a fantasy like that, who needs a personality?

Lever: The “go learn sex at school” part really struck a nerve with conservatives. But I don’t think it was that transgressive. Fourteen-year-olds are receiving messages to have sex all the time — what did it matter if some Eastern European anti-capitalist was hitting them over the head with it through the pages of a polo shirt advert?

Abadsidis: Fox News got involved, if I remember correctly. That was one of the few times I actually got pissed off about how an issue was being covered. I mean, the information in there was handed out to students by an actual university. Half the issue was quotes from this really influential philosopher. But for some reason, people really took offense to the language of it. That whole year [2003] was just a bad one for us.

THE LAST HORNY CHRISTMAS

For its final trick, the Quarterly released a holiday issue featuring 280 pages of “moose, ice hockey, chivalry, group sex and more.” It had oral sex, group sex, sex in a river, Christmas sex and pretty much every other type of sex you could think of, all which followed an earnest letter from Abadsidis which read: “We don’t want much this year, but in keeping with the spirit, we’d like to ask forgiveness from some of the people we’ve offended over the years. If you’d be so kind, please offer our apologies to the following: the Catholic League, former Lt. Governor Corrine Wood of Illinois, the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund, the Stanford University Asian American Association, N.O.W.”

But the issue didn’t really hit. By fall 2003, Abercrombie was involved in a number of lawsuits and protests related to exclusion and discrimination, which left people cold despite the inviting warmth of a crackling, fireside circle jerk (a Weber offering which, I’m told, can be found on page 88 of the final issue).

Cole Kazdin, journalist, writing in a 2003 Slate article called “Have Yourself a Horny Little Christmas”: The challenge for me, when masturbating with my friends to the nubile nudies in the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, is trying not to think about serious things like racial diversity; it tends to kill the mood. But because most of the models in the catalog are white and because a lawsuit has been filed against the clothing retailer for allegedly discriminating against a Black woman who applied for a job at the store, it’s hard for the issue not to rear its nonsexy head. [In 2004, Abercrombie also agreed to pay $40 million to settle a lawsuit that accused the company of promoting whites over Latino, Black, Asian-American and female applicants.]

Collins: As a brand, Abercrombie did a lot of things that were quite gross. I’m sure you remember when they came out with these T-shirts with these racist stereotype characters on them. You would just see it in the catalog and just be like, “Jesus Christ.” It was awful and stupid and self-defeating, just tone deaf. And we just couldn’t figure out how no one at the company saw the problem with it.

Stagg, excerpt from Sleeveless: Kids in my high school wore shirts that read, “Wok-n-Bowl” and “Wong Brothers Laundry Service: Two Wongs Can Make It White,” accompanied by cross-eyed propaganda-style cartoons. If you weren’t part of the in-crowd (and white), A&F was oppressive. Non-jocks made their own anti-A&F T-shirts, using the brand as a catchall for exclusionary, competitive behavior and old-fashioned bullying.

Carney: That stuff was indefensible, really. Those were the darkest days of my job — listening to calls and reading letters about how offensive those shirts were. Even though the Quarterly was quite separate from the brand and we had no influence over what they did or what clothes they designed, we did still have to print their stuff at the back of the magazine. It was pretty uncomfortable.

Stagg: By 2006, Mike Jeffries’ most controversial public statement on sex appeal was really just saying what we were all thinking: “Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.” Those remarks were followed by lawsuit after lawsuit, mostly involving staffing discrimination. An announcement about the store refusing to carry anything over a size 10 reportedly marked a noticeable decrease in sales.

Abadsidis: There were a lot of underlying problems at the company. The amount of negative press Abercrombie was getting was getting silly. No matter what we did, we’d end up in the news, especially if it was related to the Quarterly. After so many bad news incidents, it just felt done, like its moment had passed. It was bound to crash at some point.

Gina Piccalo, excerpt from the Los Angeles Times: Clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch has pulled its controversial in-store catalogs after outraged parents, conservative Christian groups and child advocates threatened a boycott over material they said was pornographic. However, a company spokesman said the move had nothing to do with the public outcry. The catalogs were pulled to make room near cash registers for a new Abercrombie & Fitch fragrance.

Abadsidis: People like to think that the boycotts and Christian protests had something to do with it, but that wasn’t the case at all. By 2003, Abercrombie’s stock was low — something to do with ordering too much denim. The store was having negative sales for the first time. There was the line in the New York Times, who covered our demise, that Mike was “bored” with it.

Collins: We had no warning. We were all there one day, and the next, we were gone.

Lever: The Quarterly was a relic of a different time. I feel like it could never have been made after 2008 for so many reasons — economic, and cultural and political. It would just never fly. It was made before feminism pervaded everything, at a time where you could be completely flagrant about gross patriarchal shit and still get away with it.

It was kind of like this last gasp of a certain conception of what’s desirable — a very hegemonic coolness exemplified by white Ivy League frat kids who got fucked up the night before their philosophy class. That doesn’t have much currency anymore. Abercrombie kept that image on life support until its last gasp.

Now, 20 years later, what’s cool is not that. What’s cool is to have depression and ADD. The ideal is out. The real is in. And the Quarterly, having always existed in the liminal space between, is neither here nor there.

EPILOGUE

In 2008, Abercrombie resurrected the Quarterly in the U.K. for a limited-run special edition to celebrate the success of its European stores. The original team was reunited — Abadsidis, Shahid and Weber — with the hopes that Britain’s more “open-minded approach to culture and creativity” would provide a welcoming substrate on which to re-grow their original ideas of sexual liberation. The issue, “Return to Paradise,” was “more mature” than its American cousin. It was well-received — aside from the usual protests about sex and nudity — but it wasn’t continued.

Two years later, in 2010, the Quarterly was revived again, this time as a promotional element for Abercrombie’s Back-to-School 2010 marketing campaign, which bore the unfortunate title of “Screen Test.” The lead story Abercrombie put out on its website sounded like a cross between American Idol and a gay porn shot: “The staff of A&F Studios opens up to editorial to explain the steps the division takes to find new, young, hot boys. The cattle-call approach to herd young talent ends with the best of the beefcake earning a screen test that ‘could be the flint to spark the trip to the star.’”

Bruce Weber would be shooting, of course. This would become especially ominous after he was accused of a series of casting-couch style sexual assaults by 15 male models beginning in 2017. According to the accusations, he subjected them to sexually manipulative “breathing exercises” and inappropriate touching, insinuating that he could help their careers if they complied.

Arick Fudali, a lawyer at the Bloom Firm, which represents five of Weber’s alleged victims, declined to confirm or deny whether any of the alleged assaults happened on a Quarterly shoot. If they did, they’re not prosecutable as sexual assaults in New York. Because the states’s statute of limitations on reporting rape is only three years, anything that happened during the Quarterly’s run wouldn’t count toward a sexual assault charge (unless a minor was involved, which Fudali also declined to confirm).

No one I spoke with for this story remembers seeing, hearing or experiencing anything like what the allegations against Weber describe, but some expressed concern over how they might affect the legacy the Quarterly leaves behind. “The accusations are pretty grim,” Collins told me. “You feel for the people who are put in that position. People had power over them. It just makes you think, ‘Was any of this worth it?’ Not really, if people were getting hurt.”

As such, it’s difficult to conclude with definitive sign-off about the Quarterly’s legacy. Either it was a bastion of progressive and transversive sexuality that simultaneously trolled and nourished the very audience it sought to mine, or it was the product of darkness and pain. Either way, Sockel sums it up just right: “The Quarterly was discontinued in 2003, after the American Decency Association boycotted photos of doe-eyed bare-assed jocks in prairies and glens,” he wrote in his recollection. “It was nice while it lasted.”

[idsb]

i know taylor doesn’t owe us anything and i can understand why she left, but at the same time it kind of feels cruel? like it almost felt like our friendships and stuff were all just like... a lie? like was all of this just for marketing and sales or did she genuinely enjoy coming on here? idk it’s hard for me to understand how she talked to highly about tumblr and one mishap happens and she’s like “lol bye guys but don’t forget to purchase my merch!!!!!”

maybe i’m just salty/sad idk lmao

I really don’t wanna get into this but I think that it was a really hard personal decision that she made for her mental health because of everything that was going on. Whether or not I agree with that and everything behind it is a moot point in that regard because it’s obviously extremely complicated, but it’s certainly not like she just woke up one day and was like “lol enough of that”.

It certainly wasn’t a mishap and it was a very intricate web of her issues with fame and media, her over-personalizing things (she’s not perfect, lbr), the way people had been acting on here for months and how it was escalating and the way those tensions intersected with an actual issue, etc. I don’t wanna get into it anymore but yeah. It’s not that she just woke up and dropped us and I fully believe it was an extremely emotionally difficult personal decision she made, whether or not I agree with some of its merits.