#its like 5:00 in the morning and i see light

[a-b-riddle]

A Simple (Mis) Understanding Chapter Two: Numbness & Pain

Daisy

I always used to think it was an exaggeration of how pregnancy is a constant state of exhaustion. But it was a lot of work growing a tiny human. Add in the fact that I'm still working 40 + hours a week and, of course, something is always causing some sort of discomfort or pain.

Swollen feet, back pain, nausea; I can't even find any solace in sleep. The 32 week mark felt so close, yet still so far. Another eight or so weeks of this seems like a drop in the bucket compared to how far along I am, but still. That still another two months. So far away when you want to be done, but still too short compared to everything I still have yet to do.

Another two months to set up a crib and wash her new clothes. Another two months to figure out a name and make decisions that I always envisioned making with a partner. Another two months of struggling to do things like picking up shit off the floor or staying on my feet long enough to make a decent meal.

But right now, I wasn't worried about the two months ahead of me and all the things I still have to do. Right now, I was looking forward to a three day undisturbed weekend. The pain in my feet and sciatica was becoming so bad, I had taken Friday off to see a doctor and spend the rest of the weekend doing nothing, but sitting in my modest little house and watching mind rotting television. I might even indulge in some spicy reading. Heaven knows its been too long.

Or at least, it hasn't been since them. That day in the office, but... that really didn't count. I often wrestled with myself about it. That one time erased any feelings I had for any of them. But I felt a bit pathetic how it now tainted every good memory I had with them. Kyle bringing me something to snack on when he realized I hadn't gone to the mess hall. Price always having a cup of earl grey tea cooling for me first thing in the morning. Two packs of zero calorie sweetner and a bit of honey.

Sweet like you.

I couldn't stand the smell of it now. I blamed it on the hormones. A lot of things made me queasy, but something about the smell of the bergamot, made me sick in a completely different way. A feeling not of nausea, but of... fear. Like the same way a pentagram could summon demons, earl grey could summon mine. As if John Price was somehow there any time the scent lingered in the air.

But he wasn't. None of them were. Fuck. Why did my thoughts always go back to them at some point? No. This was going to be a relaxing weekend god dammit. Fuck them.

Almost angrily, I hit the garage key fob, shutting the door and engulfing me into darkness; a thin line of light leaking through the bottom of the garage door. When I had opened my door, I could at least see a path to my mudroom. I grabbed my purse, ready to go in, when I felt it.

Hundreds of needles. Stabbing and digging into my feet. Not just the soles, but the entire fucking foot the moment I bared any weight on them. I pulled off my flats and it was then I noticed how angry they looked. Red and swollen and all but screaming at me to sit my fat ass back down. I wiggled my toes, trying to get some blood flow. Fuck. Why didn't they hurt while I was driving?

I manage to get onto my feet, using the car door as support. Steading myself until I was ready to take the first step. By the time I had managed to all but crawl inside, ten minutes had passed since my initial arrival time. I got off at 5:00, but usually didn't log off until almost 6:00. Granted, I work from home, but I had run out of a few essentials. Essentials now that were in the boot of my car.

Fuck.

10 minutes won't hurt. Not like there is any thing frozen. Speaking of which, I forgot my ice cream... dammit. I really need to start keeping a list on the fridge. It's hard to remember when pregnancy brain (or stomach) takes over and I slam a container in a single sitting.

Grabbing a pillow from the couch, I went to the kitchen. Which considering the town house, or terraced housing I suppose now, was perfect for a single and expecting Omega it was cozy. Not like the base where going from the common area to the chow hall was about a three minute stroll.

I get down and lay on my back. Carefully maneuvering so my ass rests against the cabinets before I hook the back of my heels unto the counter top so I could rest my feet a bit. Not the most sanitary, but it wasn't like I had guests. It was just me. For now.

It took a few moments to adjust. My back ached against the hardwood, but I could already feel the relief from my feet and legs. It wasn't all that shocking that I was having a hard time with them. I had gained a considerable amount of weight during my pregnancy. When I had brought it up to the OBGYN about possibly cutting back on food, her suggestion was to simply not weigh myself at home. Now when I went in for a visit they made me turn around before taking my weight.

It was hard. I've always had a problem with how I looked and now adding pregnancy then taking away the option to diet and exercise didn't exactly help.

I pulled out my phone and was preparing to open my kindle app when I saw a tiny red bar in the top right corner of my phone. Of course. I get nice and settled and my phone is on 2 fucking percent. Whatever. I tell Alexa to set an a timer for fifteen minutes and take a little nap. Maybe meditate.

A knock on the door quickly brings any possibility of relaxation to a pause. Margaret next door was dropping off Winnie off early to go to her book club. Margaret was a widow and a recent empty nester. She had spent her life as a mother and a homemaker. When I got custody of Winnie two months ago, she had quickly stepped up in helping me with everything from child rearing to managing my pregnancy.

"Hello, Maggie!" I greeted from the floor. "Hello, Winnie Darling." Winnie had the same sand colored hair as me and bright green eyes. Her face was a shade of red and I could smell her from the entryway. Someone would need a bath today. Fantastic.

"Oh, Dear!" Maggie fussed, setting Winnie down on her feet before coming over to me. "Are you alright?" Winnie didn't bother stopping to hug me like she normally would before making a beeline toward the potty. She usually was a creature of habit, but nature calls I suppose.

"Feet are a bit swollen." I waved off. "Just resting them a bit."

"I don't have to go tonight." She set her bag down. A deep green corduroy shoulder bag that always had just what you needed in it. A wet wipe, hand sanitizer, a spare tissue and even a stain pen when a spill happened at the most inconvenient time. "I'll stay and-"

"Maggie." I said, trying my best to sound at firm, but it was hard with her. No one told Maggie 'no'. "It's alright. Just a bit of water retention. Nothing to fret over." And it wasn't. I could already feel the pain from earlier subside.

"Really, it's no bother." She argued, bending over to unstrap one of her shoes. "It's a bloody stupid book anyway. I just go for the gossip really."

"Maggie." I tried again. "Really."  "It's getting close to the due date and I don't want to burn out on me just yet." It was a lie. Even with her greying hair, a deepened laugh line, Maggie didn't burn out. She was one of the few Omegas I had met in my life and she could run circles around any of them, myself included.

The sound of flushing sounded from the bathroom followed by the faucet. She huffed before slipping her shoe back on. "If you insist."

"I do." I encouraged. As much as I loved having Maggie's help, I hated feeling like a burden. She had raised her children. It was time for her to do things for herself. "Besides, we'll see you tomorrow after my appointment tomorrow." The bathroom door clicked open, revealing my little Win with the front of her smock covered in water. Fantastic.

"Hi, Mommy." Winnie finally greeted. Her freshly washed hands dripping water droplets onto the hardwood. "What are you doing?"

"My feet hurt so I'm just letting them rest." I explained, looking up at her. Winnie was rambunctious as most four-year-olds without a sense of self preservation are, but when I explained to her how careful she had to be now that I had her sister in my belly, her nature had become more gentle.

It worried me as much as it warmed my heart. 

"Why don't you sit on the couch?" She asked. Her head tilting to the side, face etched as if she were trying to figure out my reasoning.

"Because it helps when you lift your feet up high in the sky, Winnie Pooh." Maggie explained before looking back at me. "Well if you're sure-"

"I am. Go." I urged. "We'll see you tomorrow. Lunch around noon?" Spending time with Maggie didn't make me feel like such a parasite when I knew she enjoyed the company. Her children had all moved away, only one staying in the UK. She wasn't so alone, but neither was I.

"Wouldn't miss it." She gave a soft smile. The laugh lines around her face deepening. "See you tomorrow, Dearies." She said, retreating back outside. The soft sound of the door clicking behind her.

Winnie had laid down beside me. Yep. Definitely going to need a bath tonight. "How was school today?" Winnie went to a pre-school that was luckily covered under my insurance. Perks of being an Omega. I'll take it where and when I can.

She talked about going to the playground and painting. All the usual bits. Who she played with and new things she learned. Then came the question. A question she had asked before in passing. A subject I changed with ease before. 'Have you brushed your teeth? How about another episode of Bluey? Put on your trainers (because we can't just say tennis shoes anymore) and we'll go for a walk to the park. I had skirted around the question with ease. 

"Why don't you have a mate if you have a baby?" Winnie was too young to get the answers to a lot of life's difficult questions. Why did Tiffany not like us? Why didn't she get to see her daddy anymore? Why did that man look at you weird on the train, mommy?  I wish she would just stay this little. That she never needed or want to know the harsh truths about me, us.

"I..." I wracked my brain for an answer and just came up short. I couldn't think of a way to sugarcoat it. We almost had a mate. Mates. We almost had a pack that would have walked you to school on the mornings my feet were too sore or I was already running late. They would have loved you. "It... it's complicated, Darling." Is what I chose instead. The other worrisome fact is that Winnie was too young to understand the concept about mates. I had never broached the subject which only means she probably heard it from some little shithead at school. 

Wonderful.

"I'll explain it when you're older." I promise, closing my eyes and letting her snuggle into the crook of my arm. "Do you wanna rest your eyes with me?"

"Like when I'm five?" She asks putting one of her hands underneath my shirt onto my belly. It had become a thing she had started since I told her about the baby.

"Maybe six." I said, looking down at her. She gave a yawn before closing her eyes.

"I think five is better."

"Okay, Win." I said. "When you're five we'll talk about it." It was a promise I hoped she would forget. But I didn't want to negotiate with a four-year-old about something future me could deal with. I wanted just 15 minutes of this. I order Alexa to set a timer to make sure we haven't dozed too far off. Winnie still needed to shower and eat. I still needed to get the groceries out of the car. But I could spare another 15 minutes.

[seiwas]

cw: happy tears and tickle fights, birthday celebrations and other things. unedited sawry. ‼️ FIC SPOILERS PAST THIS PORTION OF THE CONTENT WARNING ‼️ pregnancy.

.

hajime’s birthday this year is different.

you don’t celebrate on the day of, contrary to your tradition of keeping it free no matter what. instead, you decide on the weekend, taking time to prepare his gift while he’s out of town.

the sunday morning starts out slow, a late wake to his usual 5:00 a.m. runs. you shift beside him, turning to snuggle deeper into his hold.

you weren’t able to wait for him last night, any hour past midnight simply impossible for you to keep up with these days.

your breath puffs out in a long exhale, tickling his collarbone.

he pulls you closer when you move, tucking his nose into the crown of your head. it’s something you both do, you’ve noticed—breathing each other in the moment you return to one another.

the celebration today is not lost on you, but you take in these few silent moments with him for just a bit longer.

when he stirs, squeezing you tighter as he mumbles a low ‘morning’, you peer up to kiss his chin. he’s ticklish there, you know, especially when your lips catch on the bits of stubble grown a few days after he shaves.

it takes longer for you both to get out of bed because of that, a tickle fight ensuing as hajime sneakily crawls his fingers up your armpits, blowing raspberries at the spot right below your ears.

you slip into the bathroom that way—a little clumsy and a lot giggly. then you crouch low, opening the cabinet under the sink; hidden in it is your gift for him, a flat rectangle wrapped in kraft paper and a green bow.

it’s the first thing in your agenda today, you’ve decided, unable to wait until he receives it at the end of the day, like you’d originally planned.

hajime’s propped up against the headboard when you step back into your bedroom, blanket scrunched at his hip. you’re no fan of the season’s heat, but you thank god it’s summer, because at least, you’re met with the view of his exposed chest every morning.

he holds an arm out to welcome you back in, letting you rest your legs across his lap as he cradles your back.

“your gift,” you whisper, holding out the wrapped rectangle, “open it first. that’s the first thing on our agenda today.”

he chuckles, taking the soft rectangle from your hands while kissing your temple, “thanks, babe. you didn’t have to.”

you watch eagerly, tucking yourself into his side as you wrap an arm around his waist. he tears through the wrapper but sets aside the bow, knowing you like to recycle them when you have the chance.

hajime is a simple man, and at the sight of his favorite brand of socks, he lights up at the addition of one more to his already-full drawer of them.

he turns to you, about to pepper your face with a bunch of kisses but—

“check the hem, i got something done to it.” you giggle.

he looks confused for a moment before he turns them over, plain white save for the dark green letters running around its ankle garters.

there’s another reason you decided to celebrate his birthday this weekend, on the third sunday of june.

he deciphers the word, reading each letter: p-a-p-a, and you can see the cogs turning in his brain before he immediately whips his head to face you.

“you’re—?”

you nod.

there’s something indescribable in his eyes, emotion welling up as they gloss over dark olive green—it makes you want to cry, too.

damn all these hormones.

“happy birthday, papa.” you sniffle, smiling wide, “and happy father’s day.”

(after a whole lot of tears, and even more kissing, you show hajime the tests you took while he was away. he tells you you should have told him, that he would have come home, but you shake your head.

it’s well worth it, seeing his reaction to two things he can celebrate today.)

[ilovespec]

A loving but dangerous winter ~

Y/N: your name

Y/L: your last name

|Yandere! Fem Serial killer × shy reader| part 1

warnings (although who has ever paid attention to them) : age difference , size difference , theft of things , illegal entry (into an apartment) , GL , light or not obsession.

4938 words.

Y/N Y/L this is an ordinary average girl, plain appearance, neither short nor tall, quiet character and no differences from all other girls on this globe. She works (barely making ends meet) and lives in a rented apartment. Every day is the same , getting up early at 5:00 in the morning , brushing teeth , showering , a meager breakfast and sometimes its absence, putting on clothes, taking the subway to the coffee shop where she worked, a long day at work and finally, the way home, a short sleep and everything is like new ....

. ｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

But everything changed a little bit, as she thought, when she came to the coffee shop where she worked.... Slim.. No, even masculine muscular, unusually tall for a woman.... She had white hair with a black tips , blue eyes, beautifully serious facial features, and slightly pale, not tanned skin...She is wearing a grey turtleneck and black trousers.. They look quite expensive. It can be seen that they are made to order..

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

Y/N blushed slightly when a beautiful stranger came up to the checkout, but she's just a customer.... Maybe she won't even remember it, and won't come here next time.. yeah...? How wrong she is.

Beautiful stranger: Good afternoon, please give me a ristretto.

She has such an unusual accent! Russian or something... It makes her even more beautiful, and the ristretto.. This is a very strong coffee! Well, okay, a client is a client....

Y/N: Y-yes...how do I sign your cup, Miss..?

Beautiful stranger: Agafya, my name is Agafya. Дорогая.

DAMN, WHY DO I STUTTER EVEN WHEN I'M NOT LOOKING AT HER?!??! And what did she call me...? I do not understand what this word means, but I hope that it was not liberating..

Y/N prepared a ristretto, and brought it to Agafya's table

Agafya: Thank you very much.

Agafia finishes her ristretto without even wincing and pays for the coffee, leaving a BIG tip and leaves with a barely noticeable grin

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

Y/N finished her shift and went to the subway but... When she ran to his station, it drove away right in front of her nose. She missed the subway and she would had to call an "Uber"... To do this, she went outside, taking out her phone on the go, and abruptly! She heard a couple of horns from the side of the road next to her , she turned around uncertainly , and found a DAMN MERCEDES THERE IN WHICH AGAFYA WAS SITTING !!

Agafya: Good night, can I take you home?

After a little hesitation, she nodded slightly, and hesitantly got into an expensive car. And she immediately started moving...

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

The girls were silent all the way, and I was able to see Agafya... She was beautiful... And she's definitely 8-9 years older than her. Perfect face, without a single flaw and Russian facial features...White hair , with black tips on each strand, that was perfectly styled... A grey turtleneck and black trousers without a single crease.. Everything about her was perfect , it was strange that she was interested in such an ordinary girl like Y/N...

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

When they arrived at her house, T/I quietly thanked the kind new acquaintance, and went to her apartment, wishing her a good night in advance.

Agafya: Good night to you too, and don't thank me. Кролик.

She said another word again , in Russian ... And I hoped with all my heart that it wasn't offensive. And because of her fatigue, she did not have an idea why Agafya knew her exact address.

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

The whole next week was, to put it mildly.... Amazing. There were fewer and fewer rude customers every day.. The boss started paying his salary more often... And even her previously noisy colleagues have become much quieter! What surprised and pleased her ! But the gifts and notes were even more surprising and frightening.... IN HER FUCKING APARTMENT !!!! Every morning when she woke up, she found a bouquet of flowers (your favorite color) on a random surface of her house (different every day), and romantic notes written in calligraphically precise handwriting... And the same thing happened late at night when she was returning home from work. And that scared and confused her even more... She began to lose her underwear , a pair of lipsticks , and even her and even her T-shirt was missing ! It was still flowers..

｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆

Today was an ordinary day, and today there were not even flowers and notes in her apartment, and even her things stopped disappearing! She was already overjoyed, and as usual, she entered the coffee shop where she worked... Her love.. Agafya, and already out of habit. Even when Agafya had just started to go to the checkout, she had already started preparing the ristretto. Agafya chuckled softly

Agafya: Yes, you already know me like a flake.

Y/N: Y-yes..... How can I not know my regular customer? Haha.. haaa....

Agafya: By the way, Y/N... Are you free after work today? I want to ask you out on a date.

WHAAAAAAAAT !!???! Y/N couldn't believe her ears, and blushing , and she stared at Agafya like a deer in the headlights

Y/N: What...? Uh... A date...? I think so... I'm free after work... me... I'm always free! Ha.. Haha...

Her head is in a complete mess, on the one hand she was over the moon with happiness, and on the other, why was it so straightforward, and so unexpected....

To be continued ;)

please write reviews about the first chapter of this "story" in the comments, please 😅 This is only the second time I've posted anything like this ...

translations:

Дорогая : darling

Кролик : rabbit

[deadhawke]

Comprehensive Trigun Stampede Timeline

(With sources and references!) I will use the abbreviations EY to stand for Earth Year and PE to stand for Planet Era, the calendar and year system used by No Man's Land. I will use ~ in front of a date to indicate that it's not concrete but is about that time.

This should hopefully be a comprehensive timeline for TriStamp. I've done my best to comb through both the series as well as some of the extras from Studio Orange on Twitter, and I will provide sources/pictures as well as reasoning where relevant. So onto the actual timeline starting with.....

~EY 2256 - Project SEEDS leaves earth - based on Rem saying that it has been about 200 years since they left Earth and in that scenes the boys look like they do after at least a year old.

EY 2405 May 3rd - Tesla is born

EY 2455 July 21st - Vash and Nai are born

EY 2456 July 21st - Vash and Nai's first birthday

~ EY 2456 - The Big Fall - due to the fact that Vash and Nai still look about the same age it is either the same year or pretty close to it when the Big Fall happens

~ EY 2461 - When Vash runs away from Home to confront Nai and he gets his arm cut off. Brad says it had been 5 years since the Big Fall.

PE 00 November 1st (~ EY 2502) - The first city November is established as well as the Planet Era Calendar. Based on Vash, Nai, Luida, and Brad all saying it has been about 150 years since the Fall at the time the actual episodes take place, the math works out to this happening about 46 years after the big fall. This information comes from Studio Orange's twitter where they posted some extra world building info.

PE 00 December (~ EY 2502) - 2nd city December is established

PE 01 July (~ EY 2503) - 3rd city July is established (RIP your theme song slapped)

PE 01-02 (~ EY 2503-2504) - The rest of the seven cities of Augusta, Octovern, May, and September are established

~ PE 79 (~ EY 2581) - Rollo is taken and Eye of Michael-ed. Based on a combination of what Roberto and Conrad say in episode 5. Conrad says in the flash back after Rollo has been experimented on that he is the first to survive for 5 whole years. And then Roberto later says its been about 20 years since the town was abandoned aka since Rollo came back as Monev the Gale and wrecked the place. Roberto says the 20 years comment when looking at the state of the house and before finding the photo of Vash and bby Rollo.

PE 81 (~ EY 2583) - Meryl is born! This also helps us establish the year the episodes take place as Meryl was born in 81, is 23 years old, and just finished college in 103 which you can just make out at the bottom of the screen. (23 + 81 = 104) Meaning the majority of the episodes themselves take place in PE 104

~ PE 84 (~ EY 2586) - Rollo comes back to the windmill town as Monev the Gale and wrecks the place.

PE 99 - PE 103 (~ EY 2601 – 2605) - Meryl is in college!

PE 104 May 25th (~ EY 2606) - We finally get to Episode 1! Meryl and Roberto find Vash half dead and he has the duel with the military police! As stated earlier we have determined the year based on Meryl's resume.

PE 104 May 25th/26th - Episode 2/3 happens. This episode may either be the same day as episode 1 or it could be the next day as there is multiple ways to determine the timing. First way: As Vash is attempting to leave Roberto does say "Wait... You told me this morning." when asking who Vash is seemingly running away from. This would indicate that it is the same day as episode 1 since that is when Vash first tells them about Knives. Second way: Episodes 2/3 take place the next day as in the intro sequence while Vash is cleaning his gun it is night outside as shown by the window in his room, and later on we see it is day and we know it is a window as when Vash is leaving you can see the light outside. I personally still think this is the case since the town people have also had a chance to get together and plan Vash's capture, and when Roberto is referring to the morning that could be referring to the interview he and Meryl were doing with him in the bar.

PE 104 May 29th/30th - Episode 4 happens. The radio states it has been 3 days since Jeneora Rock.

PE 104 May/June/July - Sometime in this period episode 5 happens. I suspect towards the mid/end of July since Vash and Wolfwood are still upset with each other over Rollo during the start of episode 6. (@ StudioOrange what happened during their off screen road trip we wanna know)

PE 104 ~ July 20th - Episodes 6/7 happen. The timing on this is entirely based on how long Vash remains passed out in Home before waking up, but at least one day passes from 6/7 to Vash's very bad no good day that is episodes 8/9/10/11/12 since it goes from day on 6 to sunset on 7, and then back to day when Vash wakes on the ship.

PE 104 July 21st - Episodes 8/9/10/11/12 aka Vash goes to Soup day aka the twin's 151st bday or thereabouts. We know for sure it was July 21st thanks to Nai giving his bro the worst bday present ever and the radio announcer confirming the date explicitly during the anniversary for the epilogue.

PE 106 July 21st (~ EY 2608) - Episode 12 epilogue happens as stated by the radio announcer.

BONUS: SE 110 June 2nd (~ EY 2612) - Now this is an interesting date, as this is the "effective" date listed on Wolfwood's pastor contract.

We do know for sure however that the date June 2nd SE110 cannot equal June 2nd PE110, and equal the current day and year, as this happens on July 21st. It also cannot be the date Wolfwood is sent after Vash as they meet up May 29/30th, and even if that date is wrong (like if more than a day passes between episodes 1 and 2 somehow), if the year was 110 then Meryl would be 29 years old, very much not a fresh out of college newbie since we know she also graduated in 103.

General theorizing from myself and the wonderful people who have commented on this post and on others post seem to align with SE possibly meaning Sinners Era and being slightly off from the Planet Era year system the rest of the planet uses.

For my personal theorizing, the closest match to this date is if SE110 is equivalent to PE104 (so a six year difference between year systems), and an extra 3 days happen between Episodes 1 and 2/3, then it may be the day Wolfwood was sent after Vash. It could also be that we are making the incorrect assumption that they are using the Earth calendar with Earth calendar month lengths. If May is 28 days then that would place Episode 4 on June 1st with my current timeline which would be even closer.

In summary: The important part is that Vash, Wolfwood, Meryl, and Roberto spend a total of about 2 months traveling together between May 25th and July 21st. And I have no fucking clue what's going on with Wolfwood's contract.

[meazalykov]

redirection II

esmee brugts x barcaplayer!R

last chapter: redirection I

next chapter: redirection III

walking into my apartment, i shut the door and place my black nike sports bag on the bench in the foyer. there was a light breeze in the kitchen because i left the balcony doors open when i left home this morning.

i didn't want to do anything right now since i had a busy morning. i had to wake up at 6am, eat breakfast, get to ciutat at 8am, complete paperwork and contracts, do medical tests, take pictures for my first day, and have my first training practice with the team.

the excitement in my body wouldn't go away though. barcelona is the best club in the world currently, i had high hopes for this season and just want to contribute to the team.

turning on my phone that was in my back pocket, the time read 1:23pm. well, in europe it's 13:23. however, it would take me a while to get used to that as an american.

i saw a few texts from a phone number i didn't recognize too.

hi y/n!

what time are you free later?

we should go to la selva. it's a restaurant in the city. i haven't been there before but ingrid recommended it :)

i blushed as i remembered the conversation with esmee earlier. i appreciated the idea of going out to eat with her, i want to build bonds with my new teammates the same way i had with my old teammates back in washington.

considering that i've met her today, i couldn't say that i had a crush on her (yet). that would be too fast. however, i thought about her on the drive back to my apartment. i'm excited to spend time with a new friend and teammate.

y/n: esmee!!!!

y/n: i'm free around 17:00/5pm. i have to do some things for my apartment and i'll be ready.

y/n: i just looked up the location to la selva restaurant. it's not too far from my apartment. it's a 6-minute walk from me :)

i added esmee's phone number into my phone as "esmee :)" before i clicked off of imessage to go on instagram. clicking on my notifications, i saw "esmeebrugts followed you 5d" meaning that she followed me five days ago.

going on her profile, i see that some of my friends back in america follow her and she follows a couple of them back. everyone kind of knows each other in this sport so i am not surprised.

i don't go on instagram when i am not posting, so i felt bad when i saw that she followed five days ago. i followed her back immediately.

s/n went back to america earlier with our mom and i miss her already. we walked on the barceloneta beach before dinner last night, celebrating my new life in spain. she took pictures of me and i feel happy enough to post them on instagram.

(pretend this is you in the pictures)

y/n.l/n

barcelona, catalunya, españa

liked by esmeebrugts, sscofff, and 41,375 others

loving barcelona already 🌞💙

comments

y/nhive THE PRETTIEST

ingrid_engen So cool 😍

malpugh obsessed with you 🥹

woso21 when she scores in her debut I will be there

leahwilliamsfan8967 ME TOO!

randomuser267 Golden girl '23 ❓

janafernandez3 🥰

trinity_rodman 🔥🔥🔥

-

when i told esmee that i had to do things for my apartment before the dinner, i wasn't lying. throughout the past week i've been decorating my apartment so it felt like home. i know it will take a while to get used to this place, since i am across the atlantic ocean in a new country away from my old home.

three hours had passed and i've finished completing everything for my apartment. i picked up my phone from the coffee table and the time read 4:12pm/16:12. i saw i've received 5 text messages from different people:

esmee :) 2hrs ago: la selva isn't far from me as well, see you at 17:00!

trinity r 2hrs ago: heyy girl! how's barcelona?

emily f 2hrs ago: sent 2 tiktok attachments you at camp 😭💀

unknown number: hi its ingrid!

the first person i texted back is ingrid, i gave her my number before she left training earlier with mapi. i changed her contact name to just "ingrid e".

y/n: hi ingrid!

i texted trinity back as well, saying that barcelona is great and asked her how she's doing back in washington. i reacted to esmee's message with a like and emily's with the "haha" reaction.

i had about 45 minutes until i had to meet esmee at la selva, so i quickly went into my bedroom and changed into a different outfit than what i had on this morning.

deciding to do my usual hairstyle (imagine whatever you want, reader <3), i placed on a bit of brow gel, concealer, mascara, blush, and lip balm as part of my makeup routine. i constantly checked the time on my phone, making sure that i am not late to meeting esmee. i promise this obsession over the time just isn't due to my interest in her; with friends i'll try not to disrespect their time by being late to an event.

after putting on my outfit (photo above^), I checked the time and it's finally 4:45/16:45. i grabbed my purse, put on my sandals, made sure to lock my apartment door, and followed my phone gps towards la selva.

stepping outside, the warm weather with the nice breeze made me smile. my white oversized button-up shirt flowed with the soft breeze. usually, my social anxiety would plague my thoughts about hanging out with someone new in my life. i used to feel shaky and hesitant about these situations. however, i promised myself that i would be more open with others once i came to spain.

i turned the corner away from my street, heading to walk straight for about a quarter of a mile. suddenly, i saw a group of girls. one girl had box braids with a nice orange sundress on. another girl was a redhead with freckles, wearing a pair of jean shorts with a green shirt. the third girl, who was closest to a restaurant door they were standing out of, was a brunette and wore a 22/23 barcelona kit with a pair of light-washed jeans. these girls were a few years younger than me, if i had to guess.

when the girl in the barcelona shirt saw me walk by her, she gasped before coming up behind me and tapping me on the shoulder. i didn't walk past her to ignore her, i figured that since i'm new to barcelona i wouldn't be recognizable yet.

"are you y/n l/n? you look so pretty in person. sorry i- um- wow i am such a fan of your talent." the shy girl spoke with a spanish accent. i smiled at her as her two friends stood behind her, looking at me with admiration too.

"thank you so much! i appreciate your kind words." i responded.

the girl pulled out her blue-cased iphone to give to her friend, "can i take a picture with you?" she asked. i responded yes kindly.

after taking pics with the three girls, i continued to walk to the restaurant. turning onto the street where la selva was, i heard my imessage notification go off in my back pocket.

i clicked on my lock button to see that i received a text message from esmee. the time is currently 4:57/16:57. the restaurant is in view from where i am walking so i wasn't late.

esmee: i am here! i got us a table already so i am inside.

y/n: i am right outside. heading in now :)

as i approached the restaurant, i stopped and took a deep breath as my nerves started to increase in unfamiliarity. my social anxiety won't ruin this potential friendship i want to have.

i smiled in awe when entering the steakhouse. the place has beautiful lighting, nice vinery, and was pretty spacious. there was nobody up front at the hostess station, so i continued to walk into the restaurant to find esmee.

as i turned the corner, i saw the dutch girl sitting. she had her familiar braids with her back facing towards me. she's looking down towards her lap so i know she is on her phone.

if i knew her well enough, i would've scared her from behind. a "boo!" could've been funny. oh well, next time i will.

"esmee!!!" i said, going to sit down in the seat across from hers. the chairs in the restaurant were hanging from the roof, the whole area was pretty.

"y/n hey!" esmee clicked off of her phone and placed it upward on the table. i placed my bag in the chair beside my left leg before i fully acknowledged esmee's appearance.

i cannot deny it. i found her attractive since seeing her at training this morning. she had this shy and sweet aura to her. don't get me started on her adorable smile…

she wore a black nike hoodie and had on a nice gold necklace. i can't see her pants from below the table, but i believe i saw black cargos when walking towards her from behind.

"i'm sorry i am a little late, a fan recognized me and asked me for a photograph." i giggled. i knew i didn't have to apologize because it was exactly 5:00/17:00 when i arrived, i just hoped that she didn't wait long.

"it's totally okay! i just sat down when i saw your message about you being outside." esmee responded. the dutch accent when she speaks english is pulling me in, emotionally, as i look at her with a smile.

be cool, y/n. i thought to myself.

"okay that's good. i didn't want to keep you waiting." i commented.

"you're fine, no worries… so i see a fan recognized you already." esmee said with her recognizable smile.

i laughed lightly and was going to respond until a waitress came up to our table.

"hi, i'm maria, i will be your server tonight. can i get you started with any drinks?" the brunette, who had french braids in her hair, smiled at us.

i looked at esmee, seeing if she wanted to answer what she wanted first. she nodded her head at me, offering for me to go first. we nearly laughed before i said to maria, "i'll just take a water." esmee wanted the same thing and maria smirked at us before walking away.

"yeah, a fan did recognize me. she had on a pedri shirt and stared at me walking by her before she stopped me for a picture. she had her friends with her and they were so kind." i said.

esmee nodded her head, "that's good. i'm glad they were kind to you."

"same, the last thing i need for the end of my first week in spain is a mean person coming at me." i shook my head at the possible thought.

"have you had any fan interactions here since tuesday?" i asked esmee. it's monday today so esmee arrived in barcelona before i did.

"i had a few actually. a few oranje fans saw me and asked for a picture. i went to mexico with the team for a friendly on thursday and was able to meet more fans there too." esmee commented. the barcelona team had a friendly in mexico against club america from what i saw on their instagram pages. my contract wasn't signed until a few days ago, when they came back to barcelona, so i wasn't able to go.

"you're so lucky! how was mexico?" i smiled.

esmee looked up, thinking about her few days for the club america friendly, before looking back at me with a smile.

"mexico was fun. we didn't walk around or do much. however, i saw an old teammate from psv that plays at club america so that was nice. uh… it was nerve-wracking too." esmee said.

"i understand, it was your first time playing with the team. friendly or not. being nervous and excited is normal." i validated her feelings.

"that's true. i did good in mexico so the worry was for nothing." esmee lightly laughed as i looked at her with a blush.

maria came by with our waters and asked what we wanted to eat. realizing that we spent most of our time talking instead of looking at the menu, we asked for a few extra minutes. the waitress accepted it and smiled before walking away, giving us time.

esmee and i looked through the menus deciding what we wanted. most of the menu was in spanish, so we had to flip to the english part of the menu. while looking through the menu, esmee and i didn't talk. the silence between us wasn't awkward since there was a nice jazz song playing throughout the restaurant.

"have you ever had salmon?" i asked esmee. the girl looked at me with a smile before nodding. i smiled back before saying, "i never had salmon before. the salmon with pineapple and avocado sounds good though."

"you never had salmon before? you should try it, it's good." esmee said as she looked back at her menu.

"okay, i'll try that." i closed the menu and placed it in front of me on the table. esmee looked at the menu for a couple of more seconds before closing it as well, "i'm going to get the same thing." she smiled.

"copy cat." i joked.

"i am not copying you… you just have good taste." esmee rolled her eyes playfully which made me laugh.

"i'm just kidding es. you can copy me as much as you want to without me feeling annoyed." i smiled before freaking out internally, "oh my god, i hope she didn't take that as flirting. i don't want to freak her out already." i thought. my face still had a smile and esmee lightly laughed so i dropped the thought.

after maria came back and we ordered our food, esmee and i took the opportunity to talk a lot more. we discussed our soccer/futbol journey before coming to barcelona, our families, our upcoming game with madrid cff, and our love for video games. we have a lot in common.

the dutch girl never mentioned having a girlfriend while she talked about the people close in her life, i took note of that.

maria came back with our food around 45 minutes after we ordered. esmee and i didn't talk much as we had our food but it's okay. again, the silence wasn't painful or awkward to me. other conversations from people around us and the light music kept my mind occupied.

i didn't want to stare at esmee, since that would be weird for our first time hanging out, but she looked so pretty. sometimes when i looked at her, she already looked at me with a shy smile. this made me blush, she noticed it but didn't say anything.

the check came back and the price wasn't expensive at all. esmee and i forgot to ask if we could split the check but we didn't want to bother Maria who is helping with other tables.

"I can pay for it!" I said as I placed my silver credit card on top of the receipt on the table.

esmee shook her head no as she placed her credit card on top of the receipt, handing me my card back.

"I offered to take you here so it's on me." the dutch said. she wasn't lying but i didn't want to make her feel obligated to pay for my food when i can.

"yeah but-"

"y/n, it's okay." esmee spoke softly before Maria took her card and walked away. I blushed knowing that I couldn't debate with the girl.

"okay but next time I am paying."

"there's going to be a next time?" esmee teased, her eyes filled with admiration.

"oh absolutely!" I said enjoying her company.

Next Chapter: Redirection III

a/n: long chapter, hope you enjoyed :)

[octuscle]

Hi Chronivac Support, I need some help, I'm a 23 year old Korean American and every time I try and get myself transformed writers first thought is to turn me into some big white guy in his 40s Could your app give me the transformation of my dreams? I want to be turned into a huge muscle freak but stay young and stay korean american. I'd love to grow bigger randomly at inconvenient times, like if im on a date with a guy my nice button up stretches and rips as I swell bigger. I want to sweat so bad everything I own stinks. I fantasise all the time about getting stuck in door ways, being so big I break furniture by sitting on it, sweating and stinking so bad people laugh at me for it. Please just make me a big gross muscle freak

Your wish is my command! And we start directly. During a business lunch. Your back becomes a good deal wider in one fell swoop. Your jacket tears open over your back. You struggle to get out of the jacket. The buttons above your chest are still holding.

You excuse yourself, get up and leave the restaurant. You need air. The first button of your shirt flies off. And the fabric rips over your swelling biceps. And a short time later, your pants give up the fight with your thighs.

It doesn't help, you have to buy something new to wear. At the fitness store across the street in the mall, you get compression shorts and a tank top. And return to your lunch. Your coworkers make a few funny remarks, but no one really seems surprised by your getup.

For the rest of the day, all you can think about is the gym. You drink one protein shake after another. And with every protein fart you feel like you've gained another kilo of muscle mass. And while all your colleagues are still diligently sitting at their screens at 5:00 p.m., you just can't take it anymore. You have to lift weights now. Now! And leave the office.

The next morning you work from your home office. Of course, you went to the gym as soon as you got up. You were sweating like a pig. But now you're showered. You even found a shirt that fits. But you have to wear your compression shorts with it. There were no shorts that fit over your massive thighs. It will do for video conferencing. The first conference is barely two minutes in when your fresh light-colored shirt gets dark stains. You're sweating even more than you did during the workout. After a short time, the shirt sticks to your upper body, soaking wet and stretched to bursting. You try to stay cool. But you hear your colleagues giggling. Now you just have to tense your chest muscles. You have to free yourself from this straitjacket. Your buttons bang like pistol bullets on your screen. And your nipples shine into the camera, freed from their prison. Your boss sends you a private message. Whether you are still in your right mind. You can't help but tear the shreds of your shirt from your sweaty torso. And you let your pecs dance in the camera. Your immediate suspension is already in your e-mail inbox.

You don't care, you can spend more time in the gym. It doesn't matter that you sweat and stink of sweat. You don't need to wear a shirt or a tank top. Everyone should see your sweaty upper body. As long as you need a new job, you can work in the gym as a janitor.

Chronivac Inc. supports its customers wherever possible. Also in the search for a new job. I think I have found something suitable. It doesn't give a shit if you sweat through your uniform. Your partner is a gym rat too and almost stinks more than you. Any crook who has to ride in the car with you is almost punished enough.

However, I can't guarantee that at some point even this uniform will suddenly become too tight…. Take care of yourself!

[fangirlies]

Home is wherever you are- (x.t)

Pairing: xavier thorpe x gn!reader

Request: older xavier and reader in their flat in the early mornings, when xavi woke up earlier and decided to make breakfast and he is casually just lulling a melody or even a song (he doesn`t have to be good at it, but come on now, this guy has a nice voice) and reader comes behind him to hug and they gently sway together

Warnings: too much sweetness to handle. (Please let me know if I should be aware of anything)

A loud bang accompanied by some whispered curse words woke you up from your slumber. The world was still quiet. No birds chirping. No adults on their journey to work. Just the serene silence of the outside, leaving you puzzled by the commotion that had emerged from within your four walls. As you discovered the warmth your lover provided every night was no longer felt, you gently turned your head. You discovered an empty edge. The space was filled with your jumbled bed sheets. Your mind was now buzzing with unwanted, illogical thoughts. You uncovered your body from your bed sheets and began heading toward the noise, hoping it was simply your boyfriend who woke up with so much inspiration that he couldn't wait to paint at a reasonable hour.

You couldn't help but sigh with relief as you heard a faint song coming from your kitchen. Before you approached the corner, you could hear Xavier humming the chorus of Taylor Swift's Lover. You couldn't refrain from chuckling at his song choice. She was one of your favorite singers who you couldn't try and convince him to like. Yet after the two of you graduated from Nevermore and decided to purchase your own apartment, he began to appreciate the beat of this particular song. Granted, you did regularly blast it around the flat. He'd have it stuck in his brain sooner or later.

"You're my, my, my, my lover." With nothing but his briefs and socks, he sung as he cracked an egg into the hot skillet. All you could do was stare in awe. Your mind was suddenly filled with all of your fondest moments spent with Xavier. The first time you two first met. The first time he asked you out on a date, which for someone so confident— you weren't expecting to see him so jittery. The first time he said the three words you were looking forward to hearing. When he visited your hometown and was immediately accepted into the family. Little did you imagine that here is where you would find yourself: leaning against the wall, arms crossed, starring at the man you intend to spend your life with preparing breakfast at 5:00 in the morning like some sort of mad man.

You proceeded to approach him cautiously, making sure not to startle him. The only source of light is a dim overhead light fixture. As he noticed a figure nearing him, he turned to face you. He still had droopy eyelids, chapped lips, and a face full of sleep. A gradual but sweet smile came upon his face, making you fall even more in love with him—something you had no idea was even possible.

"Good morning, sleeping beauty," he hoarsely whispered, voice cracking at the end. Xavier kissed your forehead before returning his attention to the meal he was preparing. “How’d you sleep?”

You embraced him from behind, wrapping your arms around his middle. You smiled as you realized that you had discovered the heat you had been seeking when you first awakened. Your nose was overwhelmed with the familiar ashy odor of charcoal crayon dust. You could make the case that it was the loveliest scent in the world mainly because it reminded you of Xavier. It was overpowering, yet it provided comfort and made you feel at ease anytime it entered your nose.

"You are aware that it is…" You paused to look at the glowing yellow light that the microwave showcased, “5:47 in the morning, yeah?” You shifted your head to its previous position, his warm and exposed back.

You could feel the vibrations of his laugh flow through his body as his melodic chuckle rang through your ears. "It's never too early for breakfast. Besides, gotta take care of my girl.” Xavier set the spatula on the counter and turned to face you, never losing contact with your touch. His hair was pulled back in a messy low bun, which you appreciated since it allowed you to admire his dopey features. He gently squeezed your butt while putting one of his infamous million-dollar smiles on display, which you adored so very much.

"Did you ever imagine this?" you asked, breaking the comfortable silence. You rested your chin on his chest as you gazed up at him, anticipating his response.

“Imagine cooking at 5 in the morning? I've always been an early bird-" “No silly, I meant this. Us living together and making it this far.”

“Oh-“ Xavier straightened his back and glanced as he reflected for a moment. “Nah, not really. It took me completely by surprise."

You gasped and took a step back to examine his face closely. He stayed leaning on the kitchen counter, a smirk on his face, his gaze drawn to your shocked expression. Once more, Xavier stretched out to embrace you and this time, he held you a little tighter.

“Of course I did. I imagined it the moment you ended up sitting next to me in Thornhills class. You- you complimented my simple sketch of a butterfly and stared at it as if it was the most precious thing in the world when I made it come to life. . . And I was certain of it when you hung out with me the weekend our parents were meant to visit and my dad never showed.  Do you remember what you said to me that night?” His emerald eyes were now peering at you intently after reminiscing some of the sweetest memories you had offered throughout his Nevermore years. You shook your head, terrified that if you spoke, no words might come out.

“You said not to worry and that you could be my family.” His fingers were now tracing imaginary circles on your lower back's exposed skin. "I knew then that you'd be mine one day."

A tear crept down your face as he recalled moments of the two of you that had slipped your memory. Xavier wiped away your tear before it could fall from your cheek. Another tender kiss was placed on your forehead.

“I love you, do you know that?” You mumbled as you clutched him even tighter, as if you never planned to let him go.

"Kinda hard not to, don't ya think, after I just wooed you with these words?"

His cheeky grin reappeared on his face.

"Hey, watch it before I go to bed and leave you to clean up your mess,"  You said, pinching his back softly but hard enough to get him to jolt up.

“Kidding. I love you more, sweetheart.”

“Now, what was it that you were singing earlier?” As he realized he had been caught singing a Taylor Swift song by himself in the kitchen, you looked up at his towering figure and chuckled. He knew you'd never let him forget this one.

“We could leave the Christmas lights up till January,” You started singing. You didn't have the most beautiful singing voice, and Xavier lacked even more, but none of you cared. This is another of those moments you want to remember for years to come.

Xavier’s smile grew bigger before taking your hand and giving you a twirl, “This is our place, we make the rules.”

“And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear.” Xavier threw his arms around you again, this time pulling you into his chest.

"Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?" you swayed as you sang the rest of the song together. Or at least as much as Xavier knew. It wasn't long until the scent of something burning caught your attention and interrupted your short-lived concert. Your meal had been spoiled, yet all you could do was laugh about it. You two were idiots in love. Two fools who knew the instant you spotted one another. Two fools who would sing your hearts out while preparing breakfast at 5 a.m. for the rest of your lives. Neither of you would have had it any other way.

A.N: this was very cute to write. i think I broke my own heart? hate when I get these overwhelming feels..

for the bestie that sent in this request- thank you thank you! Imagining older xavier made me so :( i hope it was more or less what you were hoping for. thank you for requesting 🤍🦋🪴🧚🏼‍♀️

Requests are closed at the moment however— inbox is always open! Share your thoughts! Talk to me! Get something off your mind! ✨

[joka13]

FANFICTION: Weasley Twins x Reader (Slytherin Girl) - Part 5

WARNINGS: none

You stand outside the entrance to Professor Dumbledore's office, staring up at the elegant, yet intimidating griffin statue that stands guard. You try to imagine what you would say to the headmaster... Hello, Draco Malfoy forced me to kiss him? You snort. No. You turn around and head back the way you came. Dumbledore has much more important things to deal with than your boy problem.

You don't go back to Snape's class, but instead to your dormitory where you lay motionless on your bed for a solid hour and twenty minutes before going to your next class. Transfiguration with McGonagall is uneventful, and you are grateful for it. Today has been emotionally exhausting. This is not what you had in mind when you told yourself you wanted more "excitement" in your life.

After classes end for the day, you go to the library to relax. You scan the shelves and select a book titled Magic Is Science, hoping its context is as mind numbing as its name. You sit down with it at an empty table in the back.

Just as you had hoped and predicted, you are dozing off within minutes. You have a pleasant dream in which you ride the back of a flying, two-headed dragon. You and the two dragon heads laugh together as you soar high above the ground, through the clouds and under the light of a beautiful sunset. The dragon scales beneath you are warm and smooth to the touch. You inhale the fresh air billowing all around you and let it out in a satisfied sigh...

You startle awake when something pokes you in the ribs.

You sit up in a daze. You are once again in the library, and, sadly, not riding a dragon. You look up to your right to see Fred and George standing by your table. You rub your eyes and blink, wondering if you're still seeing fragments of a dream, but the twins don't disappear.

"How rude," you yawn sarcastically. You stretch, and think it strange that Maddy hasn't come looking for you.

"Hi," Fred says. "Have a nice nap?"

"Yes, it was very nice, thanks."

"Good, good. We were just about to head out to detention when we heard you snoring," says George. He laughs at the look on your face. You feel your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment.

"Was I really?"

"Nah," Fred chuckles. He glances up at the clock on the wall above the library door. "Detention is at 6:00, yes? We'd better hurry."

"Right." The twins wait patiently for you as you gather your things and put the Magic Is Science book back on its shelf. They follow you out of the library.

"Thanks for waking me," you say as the three of you walk briskly down the halls. You struggle to keep up with their long strides. "I probably wouldn't have made it if you hadn't."

"Don't mention it," the twins respond simultaneously.

You reach the greenhouses a few minutes late, though Sprout doesn't scold you for it. She directs you and the twins to a wide crate of mandrakes, hands each of you a pair of earmuffs, then leaves you to it.

Earlier, you had been dreading detention, but you are pleasantly surprised and end up enjoying your time potting mandrakes. They may not make good company, but they are funny looking creatures, and Fred and George make it all the better. Between each excruciatingly loud potting, you joke and make conversation.

"This morning, what were you doing away from the class?" George shouts so you can hear him through the earmuffs.

You shrug. "I was bored," you yell back. "I've never been a big fan of herbology." You fidget with your garden gloves in thought, then snigger. "It's like watching grass grow!"

Your chest flutters with delight as Fred and George burst out laughing.

Professor Sprout dismisses the three of you after about half an hour so there's still enough time for dinner. You and the twins walk together to the Great Hall. When you arrive, you scan the room for Maddy, but she's no where in sight.

The twins must notice your dilemma. They make a show of speaking in loud hushes to each other and glancing over at you repeatedly.

"Her Slytherin friend isn't here," Fred whispers.

"Yes, I can see that, Fred," George replies.

"Should we offer to let her sit with us?"

"You think she's worthy?"

They stop and look at you, pretending to only now notice that you're listening in on their "private" conversation. They quickly turn their backs to you.

"Merlin's beard," you sigh, rolling your eyes, but you're smiling. You fold your arms impatiently just as the twins turn back around to face you.

"Care to join us?" Fred asks. They both give you that handsome smile.

You grin helplessly. "I'd love to."

[gretavangroupie]

Wilt (Chapter 6)

Chapter 5

Wilt Playlist

A/N: This chapter could be triggering for some readers. Please make sure to read the warning. Special thanks to my lovely friend @stellaajames this wouldn't be what it is without her.

WARNINGS: Angst, Smut, Sexual Assault, Drugs, Alcohol, Mentions of Pregnancy and Pregnancy related themes. 18+ as always.

The light peeking around the blinds hits your eyelids, causing them to open slowly, adjusting to bright yellow rays. It is warm on your face. Jake is wrapped around you, facing you, his arms holding loosely on your waist, and his ankles tangled with yours. You can tell from his breathing that he is still asleep, his mouth slightly open, soft breaths escaping his lips. He looks so peaceful, and your finger gently slides across his cheek tracing the ridge of his cheekbone. He is so beautiful. You can’t believe you were ever stupid enough to walk out on him. You wonder how things would be between the two of you if none of this ever happened. His foot moves against yours and you can tell he is starting to wake up. His leg snakes up yours and back down feeling your skin against his. His eyes open and adjust to the light, softening when he sees you in front of him, blinking away the blurriness

“My girl.” He says in a raspy voice, rubbing his thumb over your lips. “This is everything I wanted. I can’t believe I have to leave you tonight.” He says.

“It’s only a few weeks...” You reply softly.

“It will feel a lot longer when I am waking up in hotel beds and you’re not there.” He says.

“What was it you said last night? I will be here waiting for you?” You smile.

“I hope so darlin, love you so much.” He says pulling you on top of him kissing your face all over, playfully.

“What time do you leave tonight?” You ask.

“Gotta leave here at 4:00, flight is at 6:00.” He says.

“You’re all packed?” You ask.

“Yep, everything except you. Still trying to figure out how to put you in my suitcase.” He laughs.

“Are you excited, though? To go to India?” You question.

“Oh yeah, definitely. We haven’t been yet, this will be our first time.” He replies. “We are playing a few shows and a music festival. God I wish you could come. You haven’t even seen us play live yet.” 

“Well, I mean you did play that one song at the office for me?” You joke.

“Eh, its not the same. I want you to get the full experience. Next time, you’re coming with.” He says kissing you with a quick peck.

“Next time.” You smile. You can feel him underneath you, all of him.

You wiggle against him and he smiles. “I feel like there is something coming between us…” you joke.

“Have I mentioned how beautiful you are in the morning?” He says smugly.

“No, but you can tell me while I investigate…this” you say slowly sliding yourself down his body.

Your hand runs over his bulge, confined by his boxers. You place a kiss on his length over the fabric. 

“Baby, you don’t have to…” he says.

“I won’t see you for a month and you’re going to deny me this?” You say in a devilish voice placing kisses on his torso. “In fact, do you want to be a little bit bad….”

“I’m listening….” He replies curiously.

“A month is a long time without each other…if only you had some way to visualize….” You reply.

He raises his eyebrows “Are you saying, you want me to… record you?” He asks.

“Do you want to? Would that be…. Helpful?” You ask placing another kiss on his base.

“Jesus Christ, of course I want to.” He says.

You nod your head looking over to his phone on the side table.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

“As long as its for your eyes only…” you reply.

“Oh no one gets to see this. Ever. Trust me on that. You’re mine.” He says.

You pull the waistband of his boxers slowly down revealing his rock hard length licking from the base to the tip.

“Look at me beautiful.” he says hitting the record button.

You look up through your lashes as you take him into your mouth. A soft hiss leaving his lips.

As you begin to work him up and down a muffled curse leaves his lips.

You swirl your tongue around the sensitive underside of his tip and his cock jerks in your mouth. “Fuck darlin, that is the spot...” He says.

You push down as far as you can go, his length hitting the back of your throat and your throat constricting at the pressure. Looking up to him you nod your head in approval as he places his free hand on your head pushing it down with every forward movement. His movements get stronger until he is forcefully pushing your head down onto him. Fucking himself into your mouth with forceful grunts.

“Fuck baby I am gonna cum...” he says throwing his head back.

You come back up and begin circling his tip hoping it will be his tipping point.

“You are so god damn gorgeous, perfect for me." he groans. You wrap your fist around his base and begin stroke upward while you continue to circling his sensitive tip.

“Im cumming baby…” he says pulling your head closer and thrusting upward into your mouth, his cum shooting down your throat. His groans causing your arousal to pool between your legs.

“Fuck that was so good sugar. I am going to watch that every day I swear to god...” He laughs. You pulls off of him and wipe your face with your hand.

You crawl over the top of him and place a soft kiss on his lips. “I hope you do, but I have one more idea.” His hands come up cupping your face kissing you and pulling your bottom lip between his teeth as you pull away from him.

He rolls you over to your back to where now he is straddling you.

“And what would that be darlin?” He asks.

“Prop it up and let me show you.” You say.

“I get two videos?” He asks shocked.

“You get as many as you want…” you reply.

He kisses you again, and leans over propping his phone up on his lamp, hitting the record button and forgetting about it. As he does this your remove your panties and throw them on the floor.

“Roll over, let me be on top.” You whisper into his mouth.

You climb over his legs and straddle him, taking the hoodie off revealing your naked body underneath.

You let your hair down out of your ponytail, letting it fall loosely around your shoulders. His hands reach up and cup your breasts, gently squeezing them and your nipples harden in response. You place his hands on your thighs and you begin to rub your slick across his hard length and place your hands on your tits, squeezing them as he watches you. His dick twitches as he watches you. 

You drop one of your hands and grab his length gently raising yourself over him and sliding down onto him. A groan leaving your mouth at the fullness of him in this position.

“Jake you feel so good inside me.” 

His hands begin to lift you up slightly and pull you back down onto him. You are making figure 8’s with your hips hitting your g spot and whining with pleasure. You continue in this position for another minute before you start to lift yourself up and down on him in a quicker pace causing your tits to bounce freely at the force. 

“Baby, did your tits get bigger? Jesus they look gorgeous.” He says staring them down

“I don’t thinks so, maybe?…Fuck it feels so good, I’m gonna cum…” you say.

You lean back and place your hands on your ankles, as he continues to hit that spot at a new angle. Suddenly he sits up and you bring your legs around to wrap around his waist. You throw your head back and his hand comes up grasping your throat and he begins to pound into you in this new sitting position. “You’re mine. Say it. Say you’re mine.” He says his grip tightening on your throat.

“I’m yours Jake, always have been.” You reply gasping for air.

He lets go and his rough calloused fingers begin to flick your clit in almost painful strokes. It’s enough to send you into your orgasm and you grip your fingers into his hair as you scream out his name as you clench around him.

“Fuck I love it when you scream my name. You’re so fuckin gorgeous, god I am gonna cum again, you feel so good.” He pants continuing to thrust into you.

“Jake please. Cum inside of me, I want it.” You say kissing his neck.

With a loud grunt you feel him shooting inside of you. 

“God I am going to miss you so fucking bad.” He says.

“I’ll miss you too, but just imagine how good it’s going to be when you get back.” You smile.

He reaches over stopping the recording. He grabs your chin between his thumb and fore finger just staring into your eyes he says “I love you my girl. I know I have been saying that a lot but mean it. I do. I will be thinking of your every second I’m gone.”

“I love you too Jake, and luckily you have this nifty bracelet to look at when you want to think about me and now a few videos to go with it. ” You laugh.

“I never took it off you know.” He says.

“I wondered when I saw you wearing it last night.” You say.

“I was hoping that by wearing it, somehow you’d come back, and you did. So now it’s never coming off. You’ll never see me without it.” He says with a soft kiss.

“Im so glad you like it baby.” You reply as he pulls you into a hug and sniffs your hair breathing in your scent.

You get up and walk to the bathroom and start a shower. You step in and hear Jake coming to join you. He steps in and the water hits his face cascading down his chest, pooling at his necklace.

“You know I love this? I can’t picture you without it.” you say running your fingers over the silver metal.

“I have always worn a necklace, I don’t even remember when I started, just one of those things ya know…” he replies. “This one has a pretty cool story, i’ll tell you sometime.”

You place a soft kiss on his lips and you both continue with your shower enjoying each other.

“So we are agreed I am taking this right?” You ask holding up his hoodie.

Jake looks up from his opened suitcase, laughs and says, “Baby you can take whatever you want.”

You smile and put it on walking over to him, handing him his toiletry bag from the bathroom counter. 

“I can’t believe we only have an hour until I won’t see you for a month.” You sigh.

“Lets have a drink?” He asks.

You make your way to the kitchen and see Josh is in the living room looking at his phone.

“Ahh they finally emerge…” he jokes. “Did you two kiss and make up, just in time for us to leave?” He jokes.

“Yeah, pretty bad timing but, at least I got my girl back.” Jake replies, pouring two drinks.

“Cheers to that” Josh says raising his glass off the coffee table.

You and Jake clink your glasses together and sip the spicy brown liquid.

You join Josh on the couch and ask Jake “will you play me a song before you leave?”

“Song, song, song!” Josh chants.

He sets his drink on the counter and walks to the music room, grabs a guitar and walks back out, his bare feet softly hitting the concrete floors.

“Fine, you want a song…” he says playing the intro to ‘Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star’.

“Noooo, not a baby song! A good song, come on… I won’t get to hear you for weeks!” You say playfully.

He purses his lips and raises his eyebrows smirking as he strums the into to ‘Hey, Hey, What Can I Do’.

You smile giddily and kick your feet in excitement. You love this song. He starts to sing and you and Josh look at each other stunned. Jake never sings.

‘Wanna tell you about the girl I love, my she looks so fine…Ah, she’s the only one that I been dreamin’ of, maybe someday she will be all mine… I wanna tell her that I love her so, I thrill with her every touch…I need to tell her she’s the only one I really love….”

You sit back and listen to him play, your heart swelling with love, but also sadness that he is leaving you so soon. But this is his life, he is a musician and you knew that. It’s his passion and you know that this is part of it. You love him. You couldn’t imagine things any another way. He finishes the song and puts his guitar away, rejoining you on the couch with a kiss on the cheek.

“That was obviously for you.” He says to with another kiss. He leans over you looking at Josh. “NOT you.” He smirks.

“My brother, it is time. I’m gonna go load my stuff in the car.” Josh says standing up.

A sad look crosses your face.

“Hey don’t be sad darlin, it’s just a few weeks.” He says holding your hand.

“I know but I missed you so bad these past couple of weeks and I finally just got you back and now you’re going to be gone again.” You reply.

“But the difference is that we are gonna talk all the time, i’m gonna call you and text you so much that you are gonna tell me to stop bothering you. I promise.” He smiles.

“I’m really gonna miss… you..too.” you say in a suggestive voice.

“Not me, you gave me the best gift today. I can’t thank you enough. I promise I will… help you out when I can.” He says with a kiss and a smirk.

“Okay, let’s get you loaded up.” You say. 

You help him wheel his bags out the the car and load them in. Josh is in the drivers seat and rolls his window down gesturing you to come talk to him.

“Thanks for coming back, he was a wreck without you. He really loves you, and I’m glad things worked out. We love having you around and we will miss you. Let’s do something fun when we get back?” He asks.

“I love him too Josh, and yes, let’s definitely do something fun. I'll brainstorm while you’re gone. Have a safe trip and have fun and break a leg?” You laugh.

“I will do that!” He says.

You walk around the front of the car and Jake is waiting for you at the car door. 

“Alright my girl, I will be back soon. I love you so much. Please, please be here when I get back. Don’t do anything crazy, and you call me if you miss me too bad. I will always answer for you.” He says pulling you in for a passionate and loving kiss before peppering your face with small kisses. “God I cannot get enough of you. Gonna miss you so bad.”

You laugh and pull back “I’m going to miss you to baby, have fun, be careful, YOU don’t do anything crazy. Don’t kill Sam. I will be fine here. May sneak into your bed a few nights, but other than that…. I will be here waiting. I love you too. Always have.” You say hugging him to you with one more kiss. 

“Bye darlin. ”

“Bye Jake.”

As they pull out of the driveway you wave them off and they wave back. You get in your car and head home. As you are driving home you are thinking about Jake teaching you guitar that first day and you remember that he finally told you the name of that song. You pull up Spotify and search the song and find it. You hit the play button and hear the guitar start to ring through the speakers and you smile imagining Jake playing. As the song reaches the chorus you smile listening to the words and realizing why he never sang it for you. Josh is such a talented singer, in fact all of them are insanely talented. You think you might have a new favorite song. As you pull into the drive way you pull out your phone and send Jake a quick text.

You: I finally listened to Mountain of the Sun…I know why you wouldn’t sing it to me now…

Jake: I needed to make sure you felt the same way, couldn’t expose myself so early on. But eventually I did make you mine. ;)

Jake: Miss you already my girl.

You: Miss you too Jakey, have a safe flight. Call me when you land?

Jake: I will, it will be a pretty big time difference though…

You: I don’t care, I’ll answer. Just want to know you made it.

Jake: Okay, love you, talk soon.

You: Love you too.

At home you catch up on your shows, eating dinner and enjoying a bottle of wine. You have felt exhausted all day chalking it up to having an emotional night. You think of Jake and hope his flight is going ok, it’s a nearly 20 hour flight with a massive time change that he will have to adjust to. You go to bed early feeling overly tired and falling asleep easily.

The next day you decide to go shopping for a bit and then come home and clean your house. You spend the better part of the evening cleaning your house which had turned into a depression nest over the past month. It feels good cleaning it up, knowing that things in your life are good again. You clean your kitchen and your bedroom, putting new sheets on your bed and lighting your favorite candle. You move to the bathroom, putting away all of you hair products, make up and skincare items. You clean the shower and the toilet and the last thing you have to do is take out the trash. As you dump the can into a garbage bag you see tampon wrappers at the bottom of the basket and realize those are from the last time you cleaned your bathroom, a month ago. Setting down the empty trash can a wave of heat rushes over your body.

When was the last time you had your period? You put the trash bag in the kitchen with the other and grab your phone from the charger and sit on the couch. You pull up your period tracking app and see that the information for your current cycle is missing. Your last period was over a month ago and your period are extremely regular with your IUD. You thought that the IUD was the safest option… surely you couldn’t be…. You throw your phone on your bed and push it out of your mind. There is no way, you were just really stressed this month and it’s causing you to be late. Thats all. 

The rest of your night is uneventful and you decide to watch a movie to take your mind off of things, but you find your mind wandering as soon as the movie starts. Retracing the dates of when your period was supposed to start you pin point the day you would have ovulated. 

The day you came home from seeing your family for Christmas. 

The day you gave Jake his Christmas present.

The night of the party. 

The night you were raped. 

A sick feeling washes over you as you sprint to the bathroom to expel your guts. Panicked is not the word to describe how you feel. Surely you couldn’t be pregnant. You have an IUD. You didn’t get checked after the assault, wanting to move past what happened. You would have known right then and you could have taken something. You remember Jake saying they found a condom on the ground, so you didn’t worry, but maybe you should have. Maybe you wouldn’t be in this situation.

You jump up and grab your phone and your purse and head to the closest drug store you can find which happens to be a Walgreens. Your heart is racing and you are shaking with fear. You could be pregnant with Jake’s baby. You told him you had an IUD and he trusted you. Even worse, you could be pregnant by your rapist. Your thoughts shift back to Jake. The man you love who is off living his dream. His dream that would be ruined by a child. Either way you spin it this is the worst case scenario for everyone. As you walk down the family planning aisle you swallow back the lump in your throat picking up the pink box. Its has three tests in it. Soon you would know for sure.  You check out with the tests, and head straight home. You place the tests on the bathroom counter deciding on taking them in the morning, as you always heard that was the best time. Its nearly midnight now and you are tossing and turning in your bed. 

You hear your phone buzzing on your night stand. Its Jake.

“Hello?” You say with a groggy voice.

“My girl, god it’s so good the bar your voice. We made it. What time is it there?” He asks.

“Umm 11:42, so basically midnight. ” you reply

“Wow it’s 12:00pm here so its around an 11 hour difference then…” he says.

“How was your flight?” You ask.

“It was so long, I think I watched 10 movies…” he laughs. “Are you ok baby you aren’t very talkative. I have been dying to talk to you.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry I’m okay. I miss you and have been waiting to hear from you. I'm glad you had a good flight and that you made it there in one piece.” You say. 

“We are gonna go check into our hotel and do a little exploring. I miss you so much, I will send you some pictures if you want.” He says.

“Okay, sure baby, have fun. I love you…” you say.

“I love you too my girl, I will talk to you soon. Bye…”

“Bye Jake.” You say hanging up the phone.

You place your phone back on your nightstand and try to sleep knowing that your life could be changed forever by two little pink lines. 

You wake up sweating. Your heart pounding almost instantly, knowing that its time to do it. You drag yourself out of bed and into the bathroom, hands shaking as you open the box. Pulling out the instructions you read them twice to be sure. You decide to do all three tests to be sure, and run to the kitchen to grab a plastic cup. You nervously walk back to the bathroom and relieve your bladder into the plastic cup.

You remove the caps from each test and submerge the test strip of each test into the cup. You line them up on your bathroom counter and set a timer for 3 minutes. You sink down to your bathroom floor, your heart beating so hard you can hear it in your ears and you feel like you might pass out. You start breathing heavily as the timer goes off.  You tell yourself that no matter the result, whatever is meant to happen will happen. You can’t help but think of Jake, and how much you love him. How much this could ruin everything. Swallowing down the lump in your throat you place your hands on the counter very slowly lifting onto your knees. Your eyes just barely peeking over the edge of the counter. Your heart is pounding out of your chest as you pull the first test down to your face with your eyes closed. 

You open your eyes. Negative. 

A wave of relief washes over you and you stand up feeling slightly more confident. 

Only to have all of it stripped away when your eyes meet the two sets of pink lines in the result window of the other two tests. 

Positive. Both of them. 

.

.

.

.

Picking up the tests you examine them thoroughly and grab the instructions to make sure that 2 lines is for sure positive. It is. You grab the negative test only to find that it is now also showing positive, just developing slower than the other two. Three positive tests. You are pregnant. But the worst part is that you don’t know who’s it is. The man you hate, or the man you love, who will hate you for this. Tears begin to fall down your cheeks. You are pregnant. You’ve been pregnant for weeks and you had no idea. Jake had no idea. 

You sink back down to the floor and just cry. The panic sets in and you realize that you still have an IUD in. You immediately call your gynecologist and explain the situation and you make an emergency appointment to have the IUD removed. For your safety and for the safety of the baby you now carry. Your mind shifts to Jake. You will have to tell him, and you will but you’re not sure how. You can’t. Not yet. You need to be sure. This is not part of his plan. When he talked about seeing kids in the future he definitely didn’t mean a month from that conversation. 

You stand up and collect all the tests on the counter, covering them with a towel so that you dot have to look at them. You walk out of the bathroom and begin to get dressed for your appointment. Your phone buzzes on your nightstand.

Jake: Hey beautiful, we just got back to the hotel, it has been the longest day of my life…this jet lag is killing all of us.

You: Hi babe, I can’t imagine how tired you all must be. What are you going to do now?

Jake: I am getting my ass in bed. What do you have going on today?

You don’t even know how to respond. You can’t just come out and say ‘Oh nothing much just getting my IUD removed because I’m pregnant with a baby that may or may not be yours….’

You: Just running some errands today. Might practice a little, been a minute since I picked up my guitar. 

Jake: You’ll send me a video right?

You: If you want me to?

Jake: Of course I do.

You: Miss you.

Jake: Miss you too darlin, wish we were together. Love you.

You: Love you too Jake. Sleep tight.

You arrive at your appointment and you are so nervous you are sweating profusely. You are a ball of nerves and shaking. Maybe there is just a chance those tests were wrong. Just maybe.

They call your name and you walk through the door, and the nurse hands you a plastic cup to pee in. This is it. 

You pee in the cup and screw on the lid, placing it in the little door in the bathroom stall.

The nurse escorts you to a room and gives you a pink paper gown to put on. You always thought these things were so weird. But you think it would be more weird to just keep your normal clothes on…. You wait for what seems like an hour in that room, watching the clock tick, reading all of the signage on the walls telling you about safe sex, vaccinations, and abusive partners. You shiver from the nerves or lack of clothes, you’re not sure which. There is a knock at the door. Your stomach drops. Your doctor walks in and confirms your details with you before pulling a small rolling stool to sit next to you. 

“So, I think you already know what I am going to say if you are here to get your IUD removed.” She says looking at your chart.

“I need to know for sure.” You reply nervously.

“You are pregnant… the urine sample was positive.” She says. “This is extremely rare with an IUD. The failure rate of an IUD is extremely low. Since you did get positive results I would be comfortable removing it for you today, as well as getting a look at what is going on.” She says reassuringly.

She puts on a pair of gloves and grabs the Ultrasound wand. She walks you through the entire process telling you everything she does before she does it. This makes you feel better and less nervous. Inserting the wand you look at the small black and white screen anxious at what you might see. She moves the wand around until she finds your IUD on the screen and takes a few screen captures. 

“You are the one in a million. It looks like your IUD has grown into your uterine lining.” She says. “I will be able to remove it today, but it is going to be painful and taxing for you. Is there anyone you’d like to call?” 

Your mind shoots immediately to Jake. Jake, who you know would be here in seconds and never leave your side. Thats just who he is. But you can’t. 

“No.” You say heartbroken swallowing back tears. 

“Okay, lets see if I can find the embryo…” she says moving the wand. “You are only around 4.5 weeks according to your last period, so I should be able to possibly see a yolk sac.”

You realize that you have been holding your breath and let out a long breath.

“Yep, there right there…See that little black spot?” She says pointing to the tiny black circle on the screen. A tear falls from you eye and you feel like you’re going to be sick. 

“When you come back in a few weeks we should be able to hear the heartbeat.” She says clicking boxes on the screen. 

“Now, lets talk about removing this IUD. I am going to give you some local anesthetic to try and numb the pain, but i’m going to be honest with you. It is going to hurt. A thin layer of tissue has grown over part of it, and I am going to have to pull it off.” She says. “I’m ready, let’s just do it.” You reply. 

Getting your IUD out was one of top 3 worst experiences of you life. You wished so badly that Jake was there with you. You left the office with paperwork and pamphlets and brochures on every single pregnancy topic in the book. You are absolutely distraught and cry the whole way home. You have ruined your life. Maybe even Jake’s life. That is the worst part. You don’t even know if its his. You feel so guilty for wanting it to be his. You can’t bear the thought of carrying a child as a result of that horrible night. You tell yourself again that you have to talk to Jake but you can’t even find the words. 

You cry off and on most of the night trying to practice your guitar to take your mind off of everything. Around 10pm you get a text from Jake.

Jake: Miss you, waited for my video all night.

You: Don’t you have a few videos on your phone…Had a long day, just now doing it. Hold on.

You prop your phone up and try to cover your face as much as possible. You know that it is red and blotchy from all the crying.  You play ‘Wild Horses’ and send it to him. Its a little rough but thats to be expected after your little hiatus. A few minutes later he responds.

Jake: You are so beautiful my girl. Im gonna go watch it again. Send me another.

You play the intro chords to a song that you have been working on by yourself. One that you haven’t told him about yet. You were going to surprise him before everything happened. You record it and hit send. 

Your phone rings, it’s a FaceTime call. Crap. You quickly try to fix yourself up, knowing your face is still red and swollen. 

“Hi!” You answer seeing his beautiful face appearing on your phone. He is out somewhere, it’s the middle of the day, and he has on his sunglasses. 

“Hey my love, what is wrong? I just watched the second video and your eyes are all red and puffy…” He asks.

You know this is not the time or place to tell him so you lie.

“Ah, nothing it must be allergies… I’m okay!” You reply with a smile.

“You’re a terrible liar, always have been.” He laughs.

“Please tell me what’s wrong?” He asks as he continues walking where ever he is going.

“I just miss you is all. Wish you were here.” You say. Which is technically not a lie.

“Darlin, don’t cry. Damn, break my heart.” He says.

“I am just feeling emotional is all. It's been a crazy start to the year. Anyways, what are you guys up to?” You ask.

“We are out here about to walk into the venue for the show tonight… gonna go soundcheck, get some lunch, fuck around… you know the usual.” He jokes.

“I am glad you guys are having fun. I won’t keep you. I am gonna go to bed anyways.” You say.

“Okay babe, well please don’t cry. Don’t be sad. The time is gonna go so quick and I will have you all to myself.” He says. 

You swallow hard, knowing that isn’t true anymore.

“I love you, have a good show tonight.” You say.

“Thanks my girl, love you too, so much. Later.” He says ending the call.

All you can think about is how this will ruin his career, everything he has ever worked for. You burry your face into your pillow and cry some more. 

.

.

.

.

Three agonizing weeks pass, and you still haven’t told Jake. How do you tell someone something like this. Something that is not what either of you want. You have been so stressed about everything that you have essentially stopped taking care of yourself. Doing the bare minimum to survive. 

You want to try and relax tonight so you decide to do a self care night with a long shower, and an extra long skin care routine. You eat your favorite dinner and watch your favorite movie. You are feeling much better and you know that Jake will be calling you any minute. He has made it almost a routine to call you every off night around 10pm, which is around 10am his time. He missed last night so you are excited to talk to him tonight. You finish your movie and are about to go get in bed when you realize it's almost 11:30 and you haven’t heard from Jake at all. He must have had a busy night for once you laugh to yourself.

You tuck yourself into your bed, imagining it was Jake’s big fluffy bed, and scroll through instagram. You realize that you never followed Jake’s page and you search him, and follow him. You look through all the pictures, your heart constricting when you see his smile when he is with his brothers, and his very serious playing face. You click over to his tagged photos and something catches your eye causing your heart to beat hard in your chest. 

Jake is tagged in a photo with someone else. The photo is of him, a dark haired girl who is resting her hand on his chest, almost too intimately. His arm is around her waist and Josh and another girl are in a similar position next to them. You click on her profile and see that she posted this photo about 10 hours ago. Last night. When Jake ‘forgot’ you charge his phone.

You click to watch her story on her page and you see videos of all the guys out at dinner last night, each of them paired up and sitting with a gorgeous girl. The same one sitting next to Jake, with his arm propped around the back of her chair. 

The next story shows them drinking together, and everyone is laughing and having a good time only adding to your shock.  

Her last story post is a picture of her kissing his cheek as he poses with his drink with a smirk.

You’ve seen enough and turn off your phone throwing it across the bed. Heart breaking at the thought of him with someone else while you’re here. Like this.

A small tear leaves the corner of your eye. You can’t help but feel like he lied to you when he said he forgot the charge his phone, and tonight when he didn’t call. You brush it off, though. He loves you. He tells you every single day. You go to bed hoping tomorrow when you talk to him, he will explain everything and put your mind at ease. 

When the morning comes you see that your brain has let you sleep in as it is nearly 11:00. You sit up and grab your cell phone from the floor. You must have kicked it off in your sleep last night. You turn it on and see you have a text from Jake.

Jake: I’ve have had a busy couple of days… I haven’t forgotten about you. Love you.

You: Ok.

Jake: Please don’t be mad. 

You: I’m not.

You put your phone on the charger and get up to start your day. You have a follow up appointment today at your doctors office and you are already a bundle of nerves thinking about it. You are supposed to be able to hear the heartbeat today, or see it flickering according to the extensive research you have been conducting. You know that Jake will be home in a week and you have put off telling him. 

As you arrive at the doctors office you repeat the same process as the first time, pee in a cup, wait in the room long enough to second guess every choice you’ve ever made in your life, and then the doctor finally comes in. 

“According to your chart you should be around 7.5 weeks?” She asks.

“Yes.” You reply.

She grabs the ultrasound machine pulling it close to you and inserts the wand. Your heart almost stops when you see the shape of the tiniest little baby floating in the black blob on the screen. 

“This right here, is the baby. This is the umbilical cord, and this here is your placenta.” She says pointing out every thing on the screen. “I am going to take some measurements and check the heart rate. Can you see this little flickering right here? Thats the heart beating. 90bpm heart rate.” She says clicking around on the screen. Your own heart is pounding in your chest. That is a baby, and its growing inside of you. Your mind jumps immediately to Jake. What would he say? What would he do if he got to see this? He would want to be here for this. 

“So the baby is measuring about 6 weeks 4 days, which is about a week behind, but nothing to worry about. This happens sometimes.” She says. “I will have you come in again next week and we will check again, but right now everything looks good.” 

“Could I have a print of this?” You ask pointing to the screen.

“Of course.” She says, sending it to print.

As you get in the car you sit and stare at the tiny baby in the picture and your heart fills with sadness, but also something else… love. Seeing it again today, you realize that it doesn’t matter to you who’s baby it is, you’re its mother, and your body grew this. This perfect little baby. You drive home, and place the ultrasound photo on your refrigerator. You may be coming around to the idea of this. Maybe its not such a horrible thing. Maybe this is how your life was always meant to be. 

You know you have to tell Jake, and that is the worst part. What if he doesn’t want this? How could he? He is a rockstar that is literally across the world right now living his dream. He is not going to give that up for you and a baby. You know this, and accept the reality that this is what will ultimately end it for good. You think about the photos you saw of him last night with that girl wrapped around him and you know he isn’t ready to give up that life. Your heart breaks at the thought of being without him.

You grab your phone from your purse and see you have 2 missed calls and a slew of texts from Jake that you haven’t replied to.

Jake: Miss you. Love you.

Jake: Can’t wait to see you so soon.

Jake: Are you mad at me?

Jake: Call me.

You check the clock and see that it is 1pm, meaning it is 1am where he is. The chances are high that he is asleep but you call him anyways. It rings a few times and he answers.

“Ahhhhh Baby. Why have you been ignoring me all day, why are you mad?” He asks with a sleepy voice. You must have woken him up.

“I don’t know Jake, I didn’t hear from you for a few days. You looked awful cozy with that girl the other night.” You reply. You don’t know what came over you to say that, must be the extra hormones. 

“What girl? What are you talking about?” He asks.

“The one that tagged you in the pictures and stories on Instagram” you reply. “You two were all over each other, and then you didn’t call me or text me for like 2 or 3 days Jake….” You reply.

“No, you’ve got it all wrong. This is why I hate social media. I promise that nothing happened with that girl, we were all just being friendly. Im sorry my love.” He says, but you feel like he is holding back the truth.

“Im sorry, I just don’t believe you.” You say. “When are you supposed to be home Jake? We need to talk.” 

“Day after tomorrow… sugar, what’s going on…You said you weren’t going to leave again, you promised.”

You burst into tears, “I don’t want to leave you Jake, its not even about the girl. Im just emotional I don’t know what’s wrong with me…” you cry into the phone.

“Woah, baby you are being so hot and cold with me. Is everything okay?” He asks.

“I just really need to talk to you, in person.” You reply.

“You are scaring me. What is going on?” He asks sternly. “In fact….”

You hear the FaceTime tone ringing through the ear piece and you answer. 

His sleepy face shows up on your screen and you see him reach to turn a light on.

He is so gorgeous, you remember why you fell in love with him. He sits up and clears his throat.

“Alright darlin, you need to tell me what’s going on, because I will be god damned if I am going to lose you again when I am half way across the world.” He says as you stare at him with longing eyes.

“Please say something!” He says. 

“Jake I would really rather do this in person…” you reply.

“Dammit no! Do it now!” He yells.

A tear falls down your face as all the emotions you have been hiding from him come to the surface. You just stare at his beautiful face through the tiny screen knowing that your next words could change the trajectory of your relationship with him.

“Jake, I’m pregnant.” You say looking down before looking up to his eyes. 

His face is completely shocked, and he is speechless.

“No, thats not possible you have an IUD, you told me you did….” He stammers.

“It failed, Jake…” you reply.

“Oh fuck…” he says “Are you, sure?”

“Yeah, I am. Its actually been a few weeks… I just… I didn’t know how to tell you because, i’m not even sure if…” you cry

“You’re not sure if what?” He says yelling. “If it’s mine? Well its real simple, are you fucking someone else?”

“No Jake, but I don’t know….” You sob.

“Did you fuck someone else! Just answer the question!” He says.

“No Jake, I didn’t. But it would have happened the same night as…” you stop sucking in a deep breath.

“Oh fuck, don’t even tell me… Don’t even say it…. Jesus Christ…” he says panicking. “No you… no, there was a condom on the floor… I saw it!” he pleads.

“I know, but I don’t know if that was his, or someone else’s… I don’t know anything. All I know is that, that night before the party we….” You gesture between the two of you,  “And then at the party he…”  you finish.

“FUCK!” he yells slamming his phone down on the bed. The call ends. You wait to see if he calls back but he doesn’t. 

After minutes pass you send him a text.

You: Jake, please. Say something. Anything.

Jake: I don’t know what to say.

You: I’m sorry.

.

.

.

.

Silence. Its complete silence. You haven’t heard anything from Jake. You knew the possibility of this was high. You can’t do this alone. You feel like your world is moving in slow motion. You fall asleep on your couch that night, tears never stopping and praying your phone would ring.

.

.

Pounding. Your head is pounding. You open your eyes and realize it is morning. The pounding isn’t coming from your head. Its coming from your door. Someone is beating on your door.

You check your phone, its 11:30 in the afternoon…. You jump up and run the sleeves of Jakes hoodie over your eyes. You open the door, and are met with what you never expected. Jake.

He grabs you in his arms hugging you lifting you off the ground and kissing your face over and over.

You immediately begin to cry because you are so overwhelmed. “What are you doing here? I thought you were in India?” You cry into his shoulder as he walks in the door, shutting it behind him.

“I was, I got the first flight back. I had no choice but to come straight here. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me—that you have been keeping this a secret this whole time…” he replies. 

“I was scared! This isn’t what you wanted! This will ruin everything! I don’t even know if it’s yours!” You cry.

“Hey, its okay. Everything will be okay.” He says rubbing your face with his thumbs.

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s mine. Always has been. And I do want this, are you kidding me?”

“What?” You ask shocked.

“What, did you think I was going to leave you? Alone with my baby? I may not have wanted this right now, but I do want it. With you. The whole plane ride over all I could think about was you. All I ever looked for, searched for, wanted my whole life, is this, with you. I love you, do you get that? I will never let you go. This baby included. If now is when it all happens then so be it. ”

As the tears fall from your eyes your lips meet his in a kiss that says everything you haven’t been able to say. 

“I was so scared Jake, I didn’t know what I was going to do. You were going to leave me, and I was going to have to keep loving you from afar….with a baby that looked just like you….” You cry. 

“How could you ever think that….” He says pulling you in for another kiss. “I have missed you so much. I am so happy to see you my girl. As for those pictures you saw… those girls ran the coordination for this little leg of tour, they did all the translating and what not. They were overly friendly that night, and Danny actually put them in their place later after she tagged all of us in those photos. I was so drunk all I talked about was you the whole night. I thought Josh was going to kill me. By the time I got back to my room, my phone was dead and I passed out. I am so sorry I fucked up like that. That was truly my mistake.” 

“Baby, it’s okay. I was just overly emotional.” You say pointing to your belly. 

He looks down and a soft smile crosses his face. “Can I…” he asks grabbing the hem of the hoodie.

You nod. 

He kneels down and pushes the hoodie up revealing the soft skin of your stomach pressing a soft kiss to the area right below your belly button and whispering so faintly you almost didn’t catch it, “I’ll never leave you.”

Your heart melts into a puddle and your eyes fill with tears.

“Do you want to… see?” You ask.

He looks up at you standing and nodding his head. You walk to your fridge and remove the tiny picture from under the magnet. You hand him the photo and sit down next to him on the couch.  He stares it at running his fingers over the tiny blob before he looks up to you. “It’s perfect. I can’t wait. ” He says staring at the picture. 

“I love you.” He says sincerely, looking into your soul.

“I love you too, Jake.” You reply as his lips meet yours. 

For the next week Jake never leaves your side. He spends every moment caring for you and talking about the future. A possibility that you never considered. You were so sure that he wouldn’t want this life, that he would want nothing to do with this. But he’s here. He came running. Straight to you.

You have spent most nights back at his house because he knows how much you love his bed, and you do. You sleep better with him next to you. Jake has talked all week about going to the appointment with you today. He can’t wait to see it for himself. He is the first one up today showering and getting ready, bringing you coffee. You smell it before you can even open your eyes. 

“Coffee, my love?” He whispers next to your ear.

“Mmmmm, thank you. You’re up early.” You reply.

“I am just anxious. This is what happens… my brain just turns on and I pace around and keep myself busy.” He says.

“Are you nervous babe?” You ask him.

“I mean, a little bit. Its a baby! My baby.” He says kissing your head.

“Love you” you say with a yawn. 

“Love you too darlin.” He replies.

On the way to the appointment you are nervous. You both are. You can tell that Jake is anxious by the bouncing of his leg as he drives. As you pull into the parking lot you stop and grab his hand. 

“Its going to be okay, right? We will make it work?” You ask nervously.

“Everything is perfect, you are the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen, and you have my baby inside of you. Of course everything is okay, better than okay. Exactly as it should be. ” He says squeezing your hand. 

You make you way inside, wait until you hear your name called and you both walk back. You dress in the pink paper gown and sit on the table. Jake sits in a small chair by the door, his leg bouncing against the floor again. You make small talk to pass the time. The doctor knocks on the door and enters with a smile and introduces her self to Jake before turning to you.

“Hi, how are you doing?” She asks.

“I am great, but anxious.” She replies.

“That is completely normal.” She says pulling her gloves on.

“Would you like to take a look?” She says to Jake.

The cold wand enters you and the screen flickers with the black and white images.

“Alright, let’s see.” She says moving around to find the baby. It looks the same as you remember. 

“So here is the baby, i’m just going to do a few measurements and grab the heart rate.” She says moving the wand around in different positions. 

Jake is absolutely beaming and hand your hand in his bringing it up to his lips. 

She turns the screen to face her. And begins moving the wand around more with a solemn look on her face.

“I’m so sorry but I cannot find the heartbeat. I am going to go grab another doctor to confirm.” She says.

The blood drains from your face and you turn to Jake who is staring at you.

She leaves the room and you begin to panic.  

“Don’t worry baby, it’s okay.” Jake says trying to be reassuring, looking around the room nervously.

The doctor re-enters this time with another behind her. 

“Hi, I am just going to confirm for you.” She says sitting down and putting on gloves before searching with the wand. 

You and Jake stare at each other silently speaking with your eyes. It feels like an eternity has passed. 

“I’m really sorry sweetheart but unfortunately there is no heart beat present. It looks like the growth stopped about a week ago. I believe you are miscarrying at this time.” She stands up and walks out, your doctor thanking her.

“I am very sorry, this unfortunately happens sometimes. Usually it’s due to a genetic abnormality and you have done nothing wrong.” 

Your doctor says.

Jake brings your shaking hand to his lips just holding it there before bending his head down and resting your hands on his forehead. You can tell he is heartbroken.

“I wil give you two a moment. I am going to come back with some information for you.” She says shutting the door behind her.

“Jake… I….” You burst into tears.

“Baby, this is not your fault. This happens. I hate it so fucking much but it does happen. It doesn’t change anything between us.” He says.

He stands up and pulls you to your feet just holding you in his arms as you sob.

“But I wanted it. I wanted it to be yours. I wanted this! I was just scared and now it’s gone!” You cry.

“I wanted it too my love, I really did, and it will be mine…Ours. One day. I promise.” He says softly into your ear. “I love you so much.”

You continue to sob as he holds you.

.

.

.

Fin.

[marilynthornhilllover]

Hi, can I have a fic where r has been working out all day because she has a photo shoot in 2 weeks and has to lose a couple pounds so she's been overwhelmed and over working herself and Rebecca is worried so she plans a all girls day with r to get her hair done, nails done and buy skincare products and makes r feel loved, oh and can it be black reader plz!thank you!!

All the enjoyment

Rebecca Welton x black!fem! Reader

Warning: stress,overthinking, negative thoughts, and pure fluff!, and money spending😌, princess treatment also⭐️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You had gotten up early just to hit the gym. You worked as a model for a modeling agency and there was an upcoming photoshoot you had to plan for. There was a specific dress you had to wear because of the theme, 'game of thrones' but the only problem was, it was too tight. It was your size, but the material of the dress was tight. You had 2 weeks to plan for the photoshoot which was a small amount of time to lose weight but you decided to try anyway.

You woke up at 3:00 am to get some work in before you got ready to go to work. You stretched as you sat up against the head board and sighed. You truly hated being away from Rebecca, even if it means just going to the gym. That's why you were happy when Rebecca installed a gym to your home, a huge mansion you didn't even know she could buy. When you first met Rebecca you didn't even know she was smoking rich and when you found out you didn't care, you just loved her for who she was and how she treated you. Rebecca was a billionaire and spent every penny on you.

You kissed Rebecca's forehead as she slowly stirred, sighing before chapping her lips in her sleep. You smiled softly down at her as you removed yourself from the bed making sure not to wake her up. You pushed your feet in your fluffy pink slippers that had your name on them that Rebecca had bought for your birthday. You wrapped your robe around your body and walked into your walking closet. You looked around and saw that Rebecca had already picked out her outfit of the day clothes.

A pink tight, above knee skirt, white blouse with a white fluffy vouis Vuitton jacket with Paris Hilton black bow heels. You liked the outfit choice but you wanted to see it on her. How the skirt took up her curves, the way she would strunt in her heels effortlessly, it was a heavenly site. You picked out your work out outfit, wearing a sports bra and black Nike leggings with platform filla shoes to make doing planks easier.

You grabbed your gym bag and filled it with a towel, water bottle and chocolate. You came out of the closet and looked at Rebecca who had manged to take up all the space on the bed not knowing you were gone since you placed both your pillows on your side to make it seem like you were still there. You smiled at the adorable sight and gently opened the door closing in behind you as you walked downstairs. Since the house was huge it was a long walk to the gym. Walking there was an entire workout by its self.

You opened the door and turned on the lights. You got started on your work out starting with a 30 minute warm up. You didn't even know how much time had gone by it was now 4:30 am which meant Rebecca was getting up soon or already up.

♠︎

Rebecca groaned as she felt the absence of your body against hers. She got up and adjusted to the darkness in the room, rubbing her eyes of the sleep. She sighed as she stretched over and grabbed her phone. She checked the time and groaned even louder. She wasn't supposed to be up til 5, so what were you doing up? Plus you weren't the best morning lover. She got up and walked out of the bed room. She turn on some hallway lights to see where she was going and went downstairs.

She cursed herself in her mind for buying a house as big as Disney land and not being able to find you now. She was worried, scared and confused.

She heard you running from the gym and she opened the door to see you on the treadmill. As you heard the door open you looked up at the big wall mirror. You smiled softly at her and stopped the machine.

" did I wake you?" You asked turning around and smiling at her baby sleepy face. She walked up towards you and hugged you regardless of your sweaty body.

" it's hard for you to wake me in a house twice as big as America. I mean if you were screaming for help I don't even think I'd hear you" she spoke rolling her eyes dramatically. She looked up and you and pouted tucking a strand of sweaty hair from your face.

" I missed you in bed" she whispered in a baby tone.

" I know and I'm sorry but remember I told you I have this photoshoot next week?" You asked and she nodded folding her arms listening attentively.

" Well there's this dress I have to wear because of the theme but the material makes a tight for me, so I have to lose a couple pounds...... in 2 weeks maximum" you spoke, Rebecca's eyebrows furrowed at the last words standing up straight, she placed her arms on her hips.

" That's ridiculous" she spoke half angrily half confused.

" that I can't lose weight in 2 weeks?" You asked smiling but it wasn't genuine. You had a lot of pressure on you and you needed Rebecca's support.

" no, baby what ever you put your mind to you can accomplish I believe in you but what their doing is ridiculous, if the fucking dress can't fit get a you a new one " you could see the anger in Rebecca's eyes, if she found out who the photographer was she'd kill him or her. You sighed as you stretched your muscles feeling sore and your body limp from the tiredness and unnecessary work.

" you know what your not going to work today, neither am I" she spoke walking out of the gym room and over to the kitchen. You followed behind her confused but happy.

" why?"

" because I want you to enjoy yourself, what ever you want to do we'll do it" she spoke standing around the counter, you smiled at her and quickly went around to give her the biggest hug.

" so what do you want to do?" She asked turning on the coffee machine. You pulled out your phone and started to scroll through your list of stuff you had planned for the end of the month.

" ok so, I'm gonna get my hair,nails, toes done and get some skincare products also I want us to make Italian lasagna tonight so yeah" you spoke happily.

" Your wish is my command my love" Rebecca spoke smiling as she handed you a cup of coffee. You both had breakfast and had a decent conversation, about plans for the day, social media and your life in general. Rebecca got a phone call about the office and a up coming game offer so turns out she did have to go to work. After you both got dressed Rebecca gaved you her credit card and dropped you off at your hair appointment.

" when your finished with everything I'll come pick you up, or maybe when I have lunch break I'll come see you" she spoke before giving you a soft kiss on the lips then leaving. You waved her goodbye before entering the building.

~

" hi! Good morning! Are you y/n?" The front desk lady asked.

"Good morning! Yes i am,I'm here for a hair appointment down stairs in room 24 then a nails and toes upstairs in room 36" you spoke showing the lady your confirmation codes from the stylists on Instagram. She wrote down your name and made a call to the stylists to confirm that you had arrived, after she showed you where you had to walk to get to your hair appointment and for your nails and toes you had to take a elevator then turn left and straight down to the right.

You smiled and thanked her before walking down to your hair stylists, turns out you and her went way back since high-school and she was a good friend of yours.

" hi girlfriend it's been way to long, I haven't seen you and your bird nest since like forever" she chuckled, you rolled your eyes at her and sat in the chair.

" so what are we doing today" she asked looking at you through the mirror. You showed her two hairstyles on your phone and you both picked between French canerows or goddess box braids so you ended up going with both. She took off your bonnet almost cried when she saw how much hair you had.

" y/n why couldn't you just relax your hair instead" she said frustrated.

" because I don't want to sammy plus god knows in not consistent enough for that" you said with sass laughing at her face.

" this is going to take forever" she mumbled. She turned on the TV and put on a good netflix show and brought out some snacks and drinks. You both had good conversations catching up on stuff and laughing at old jokes. After 2 hours she was finished and you thanked her and gaved her a hug. You gaved her a tip before leaving.

After you came out you saw the lady at the front desk eating lunch so you checked the time, it was 11: 30 which meant Rebecca was already on her lunch break.

" you hair looks nice by the way" the lady said, you turned around and smiled at her.

" thank you!" You responded before entering the elevator.

My wife😌💍💞: hey babe, how are things going

You: hi, my love ! I just finished my hair, so I'm going to my nails and toes appointment now.

My wife😌💍💞: oh that's nice! I'm at the grocery store with Keely I got the stuff to make the lasagna are you hungry? do you need me to bring you something to eat?

You: actually Sammy, gaved my snacks while she was braiding my hair so I'm not that hungry but I will order something and let them deliver it so don't worry about me, also tell Keely I said hi!.

My wife😌💍💞: oh ok! will do! Also what style did you go with?

You: you'll see when I get home ;)

You got out the elevator and walked straight down to you next appointment. The lady was really nice and welcoming. You showed her your nails inspo and toes inspo . After 4 hours of endless work you were finally finished. It was now 3:30 which meant Rebecca doesn't get off work till another 30 minutes. You texted her you were finished, so she got her driver to take you home with the groceries so you could get started on dinner.

After you got home you decided to change into something more comfortable and wear Rebecca's fluffy bunny slippers. You oiled your hair and got started on dinner. You were almost finished with everything when you heard the front door open. Loui your dog started barking and you smiled because you already knew who it was.

You peaked around the corner to see Rebecca slipping out of her heels and into her house slippers as she placed her bag and keys on top of the door table. She sighed as she smiled softly smelling the delicious food coming from the kitchen. As she was about to enter the kitchen you jumped out infront of her screaming. She flinched a little but didn't scream.

She shook her head and smiled. She gasped as she saw your hair.

" You look so pretty baby!" She exclaimed hugging you. You did a 360 spin so she could she everything and she was in awe.

" so you got the French canrows and the goddess mixed together! This is so cute my love" she spoke stroking a braid.

" yep and it's called the heart freestyle braid. Oh and look at my nails" you spoke extending both hands for her to see. She gasped loudly as she saw the design.

" theses are so cute! There better than mine, I gotta get a refill, your stylist is so creative" she said playing with a charm on the nail. She looked down and spotted your toes. Rebecca was like a little kid on Christmas getting all the presents they asked for but didn't know they were actually going to get them.

" theses! oh my gosh!!! Babe you've got style!" She shouted bending down to see the design on the toes. After she gaved you a soft kiss on the lips before heading to the kitchen with you. You both ate dinner and talked about your day before watching a TV series that had just aired. After you both took a shower together and went to bed, cuddlingin eachothes embrace.

" I love you" was the last word you both said to eachother beforedriftingoff to sleep.

[3terna15unshin3]

Then Because She Goes

When you leave, I cry on the inside

★ Chapter 11 of 15, 5082 words

★ Matty Healy x Original Female Character

★ warnings: !!! mature content, minors please do not interact !!!, smut, thigh riding, edging

<< 10

9 June, 2019

“Fuck,” Este cursed, as a loud sound in the flat below hers caused her to spill a drop of tea on her pants. She quickly wiped it away and got up to grab her beloved Tide pen—drawing on the spot to prevent any staining.

With a film on the TV, it was a quiet morning and a relaxing day off for her. She stayed in comfy clothes, hair tucked away messily in a clip, not worrying about work or bills needing to be paid or how desperately her room needed tidying. Her body had been stationary for most of the morning. It was a deserved laziness, in her opinion. But, a buzz from her phone signalled an incoming text, interrupting her and her tea once more.

matty <3

Sun, 9 Jun at 10:59 AM

Attachment: 1 Image

Thinking of you x

It was a photo of a small yellow origami star. He held it delicately between his thumb and middle finger, raising it up in the air in front of his hotel window. Este could see the architecture of the city he stayed in in the background. Germany, I think, she considered, though she couldn’t remember which city.

Sun, 9 Jun at 11:00 AM

Xx

:((((((((

Why the sad face

You’re getting all sappy on me and i miss you

Am I being too sweet for your liking??

Yea like chill for a sec

I’m smiling at my phone and everything

Soz x

But you’ve got me doing little crafts alone in my hotel room just because they remind me of you so maybe you should chill

Or maybe be less chill bc why are you never sappy or sweet with me ????? Hm???

hey I’m sweet !!!!!!!!!! Don’t be rude

The star thing is like painfully cute tho how do you expect me to top that

--- 22 June, 2019

Este ★

Sat, 22 Jun at 18:35 PM

Hey, I know it’s been hard lately and that you’ve been busy writing but this poem makes me happy and I think you need some hope at the moment

Attachment: 1 Image

Maybe you’ve heard of it already or will think it’s too simple but it's what I want to say to u :)

Matty’s heavy eyes stared at the bright blue light of his screen. The band were closing out on their sixth month of touring, and his head had gotten a bit cloudy. Desperate to get Notes On A Conditional Form out as soon as possible, any free moments they had were spent writing and recording. He poured so much of himself during every show and even more into every song written that not much was left when he was on his own. It was nonstop. Slumps like this were bound to occur while on the road, and now that Matty had healthier ways of coping with them, they weren’t as big of a deal. But they were still there, eating away at his energy—blurring the lines of his self esteem and self hatred.

The poem Este attached was “The Orange” by Wendy Cope. He hadn’t heard of it before. So, he read the words quietly to himself.

“At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—the size of it made us all laugh. I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—they got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange, it made me so happy, as ordinary things often do. Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park. This is peace and contentment. It's new.

The rest of the day was quite easy. I did all the jobs on my list and enjoyed them and had some time over. I love you. I'm glad I exist.”

Este was right about it being simple. But it was its simplicity that made Matty feel it deeply in his stomach. If he’d been sent such words by any other person in the world, it might have felt patronising—but coming from her, it made sense. There wasn’t anything that he loved more than things, art, that commanded him how to feel. Este knew that. And the words she sent commanded him to find light in the simple things. To bask in the innocence of life. To realise that if he isn’t happy, he’s just human. Fleeting moments of beauty are what matter. It was exactly what he needed to hear.

Este ★

Sat, 22 Jun at 19:00 PM

Please never stop sending me stuff

Reading the line “I’m glad I exist” felt so important

Because I am

Especially with you around x

--- 1 July, 2019

Luckily, flying from Stockholm back to Manchester wasn’t very far. So, it was easy for Matty to get on a plane to catch Este’s 28th birthday between his shows. He was a day early, but it was the only chance he had to come see her—so he took it. And somehow managed to keep it a surprise.

With Cate’s help, Matty followed through with his plan to Uber to their flat as soon as he landed; to drop off his stuff, grab food, and set up birthday decorations before walking over to Greenhouse to see Este. A bouquet of variously coloured tulips with brown paper surrounding it was cradled in his arms as he made his way. The sun peeked through the partly cloudy sky, beaming down on his tired state. He shook the nerves out and reached for the door handle.

The familiar chime caught him by surprise, as the seven months it had been since he’d last stepped into the shop forced him to forget that they were there. It brought Este’s attention to the front from her spot in the back corner where she was shelving. Sam poked his head out from the back room in curiosity.

“I heard an ‘Este Manansala’ turns 28 tomorrow…” Matty announced sarcastically before she realised who he was. The look on her face once she did was priceless.

“Oh my god. Shut up,” muttered Este as she weaved through the cramped furniture to embrace him excitedly. A giddy and uncontrollably happy laugh came from her belly had Matty leaned back while they hugged to lift her feet off the orange carpet.

“Happy Birthday, love.” he whispered in her ear before putting her down. Este tried to wipe the dumb smile on her face but failed. She kissed him instead.

Matty tasted like cigarette smoke and smelt of the flowers he held. The month between their last kiss didn’t stop her from recognizing the familiar shape of his lips when they were against hers. It lingered long and deep. They sighed into each other with satisfaction.

“What are you doing here? You’re mad,” reacted Este when they pulled away.

“To take you out on your birthday.” His hand remained on her cheek as he responded, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin. “And by ‘take you out’ I mean take you to the food I’ve put on your dining room table.”

“Have you already been by my flat?”

Matty nodded. “Went straight there after I landed. We boarded early, so Cate said I almost caught you before you left.” He laughed at the dumbfounded look on Este’s face as she struggled to accept the fact that he was real and face-to-face with her. His arms extended to shove the flowers into her grasp. Tulips were her favourite.

“Are you going to introduce me?” His finger pointed at Sam. “Or will you just stare at me with your mouth open right in front of your boss?”

She snapped out of it and turned to face the blond shop owner.

“Gosh, I’m sorry. Sam, this is Matty. My, um, my—”

“Nice to meet you, mate. I’ve been in here a couple times over the years and seen you then, but I’m glad to be formally introduced, I guess,” interrupted Matty.

It was a bit odd that he cut her off so quickly, as the timing allowed her to almost hear his fear of the topic—audibly in his voice. Her smile faltered slightly as the two men made small talk, and she spiralled silently about what she could’ve said. I should’ve just stopped at ‘This is Matty,’ instead of trying to explain who he is, thought Este. Did Matty think I was going to say he was my boyfriend? Do I want him to be my boyfriend? Does the idea of me thinking he’s my boyfriend scare him?

Her ears perked and she snapped back into the conversation when Matty mentioned that they should be taking off soon.

“Food might be getting cold by now, E. We should get going,”

“Matty, it’s half two.” She looked over at Sam for confirmation that she couldn’t just leave in the middle of her shift, but was met with a smug smile instead.

“Go on.” he encouraged with little explanation.

“Who’s going to look after the—“

“Oliver’s on his way. He wanted extra hours this week anyway.”

Guilt settled into Este’s chest. “You didn’t have to call him in and make him rush over just for me, Sam. I feel terrible,”

“I didn’t call him in. I put him down for a three o’clock start when I made his schedule last month.” Sam reassured, as he came around the counter to stand in front and lean on it. He crossed his arms, waiting for Este to accept that he had been in on the plan to let her off early.

But, she didn’t let down. “Then why would you schedule me as well?”

“Jesus Christ Este, to surprise you! Now please leave, I’m begging. I can’t take this any longer,” Sam said while laughing in her face and forcing her towards the door. “Happy early birthday.”

“How long have you had this planned?” asked Este, turning to Matty and waiting for a response.

“A while. Any more questions, or can we go?”

-

Este’s arm tangled within Matty’s as they walked the few blocks back home along the pavement. Her work bag was slung over his shoulder as she held the tulips and sniffed them occasionally for the comfort of their fresh smell. Now that the shock had disappeared and she had the time to fully take in his appearance, Este smiled at his outfit. The Vans tied round his feet were paired with a bright and fitted graphic tee, tucked into high-waisted green trousers.

“You’re staring at me.”

A giggle escaped her lips as her and Matty turned down her street and approached her flat. “Am I not allowed to?” she argued.

He shrugged, with a smile. “I don’t mind. Just want to know why.”

“Dunno, really. You’re just pretty. And I like your outfit.”

Her keys jingled when she pulled them out of her pocket to let them into the building. As they stepped in and through the next couple of doors, soon finding and pressing the ‘up’ button for the lift, Matty said, “You know, you’d think I’d be weird about you calling me ‘pretty’, but it actually felt quite nice.”

“I can call you ‘pretty’ more often, if you want. I think of it all the time, so I’d just have to start letting you know when I do,” Este suggested, turning her doorknob and entering her place.

There was a banner of letters that spelled out ‘happy birthday’ delicately strung across the wall that sat above the dining room table. The decoration was slightly crooked, but colourful and iridescent—so the sun pouring in through the window bounced off of them and shone glittery reflections all over the room. Floaty balloons were trapped against the ceiling with their strings hanging downwards at different lengths. A vase of water was the centrepiece, ready to be the home for the tulips that Este still held as she looked around. Her eyes travelled to everything else littered on the table; noticing the handful of tall tapered candles whose colours matched that of the flowers, confetti scattered across the surface of the stained wood, a bottle of wine, and a couple of takeaway bags.

A nervous Matty stood behind and waited for her to say something. When silence remained, as she continued to search for ways to thank him, he filled the space by slinging his arm around her shoulder and rubbing it gently.

Bringing his face next to hers, Matty asked, “Do you like it?” and pecked her temple.

“Does the general public know that you’re this soft of a bloke?”

He shook his head at her inability to take things seriously. “They’ll catch on eventually.”

Este laughed and turned to him, grabbing his chin, pulling it towards her to give him a kiss on the cheek back. “It’s perfect. You have a good eye,”

“Cate helped pick everything out. I’m not the best decorator. But she was busy dealing with the helium tank to fill all the balloons so I ended up laying everything out by myself in a rush. That’s why it looks a bit shit.” Matty explained, pointing at the crooked letters on the wall.

“Stop it,” she insisted, unwrapping the tulips to dip their stems in the vase and complete the decor. “There’s nothing ‘shit’ about you. It would’ve been enough even if you’d shown up empty handed and sat on the sofa with me all night.”

Stepping closer to the table to copy her, Matty unpacked the food he’d ordered for them. He uncorked the bottle and poured a glass of wine for each of them. She sat down, getting comfortable and increasingly hungry as her stomach rumbled. Hearing its noises and laughing, the two of them dug in.

Once their plates were scraped clean, Matty threw out a “Room for cake?” while a smile sat on his face, knowing they were both too stuffed to even sniff something sweet.

She cradled her full belly, slouching in her chair. “I can’t bring myself to turn down cake but I’m frightened that like, anatomically, it won’t fit in here.”

Matty got up and walked to the fridge to fetch it anyway. “Let's just do the whole ‘sing and blow out the candles’ thing. We can eat it later.”

The white box was set on the table. He let her open the lid and slide out the dessert herself. It was a small heart-shaped cake with light green and white piped icing, reading ‘Happy 28th Este’ across the top. Bright maraschino cherries lined its edge. She grinned at how perfect and delicate it was. A 2 and an 8 candle were peeled out of their package by Matty, who stuck them into the icing, getting a bit on his finger in the process and licking it. Once a match was struck and the wicks were ignited, Matty sang the classic song to her gently.

“Happy birthday to you,” he finished with the last line, maintaining eye contact from across the table.

Este’s brown irises glowed a honey colour from the warmth of the flickering fire, while her cheeks ached from the smile plastered onto it that refused to leave. Looking down to the cake to avoid confronting Matty’s phone that now pointed up at her as he took a picture, she paused to make a wish. He admired her through his screen. A couple of seconds passed before she finally blew out the flames.

As expected, they couldn’t bear the idea of eating a slice. So, they packed it up into its box and placed it back in her fridge, continuing to clean their lunchtime mess, collecting the dishes in the sink and tucking their seats in. But, Matty knew that the corny birthday celebrations weren’t over just yet—he still had her small pile of wrapped presents sat next to his bag, which he then picked up and brought over.

“You really didn’t need to get me anything. All of this is so great already,” she complained, guilty that she hadn’t done anything for his birthday, and gesturing to everything he’d done so far.

They found comfort on her fluffy sofa as he shook his head.

“It’s just something small. Don’t worry.” reassured Matty, who set the three rectangular gifts in her lap. They were similar in shape and size, individually & messily wrapped in patterned paper. He watched as Este’s apprehensive fingertips ripped through the material and revealed what was beneath it.

Of course they’re books, she thought, smiling at how predictable the two of them were. But, what she saw next caught her by surprise. As the other two got unwrapped, Este came to realise that they were all books she had been desperate to read. The shock came from the fact that she hadn’t ever mentioned the titles to Matty, and that as she flipped through them, they were written in. Sticky tabbed, underlined, and starred lines jumped out to catch her attention. Her mouth remained agape for a minute.

“How did you know that I’ve been wanting these?”

“Just looked at that app you showed me during Big Weekend. Came in handy,” he explained. “I picked the five from your ‘to read’ list that seemed the most interesting to me but only ended up getting to finish these three.”

“See, I told you it’s useful.” She laughed in disbelief as she inspected each novel. “Did you really read all of these and write in them for me?”

Matty nodded, grabbing one and looking through it himself. “They’re all great. Helped quiet down my thoughts, I think, since they’ve been too loud lately. Plus, they’re kind of like letters—everything I marked as important or stand-out, and every note I wrote in the margins was done with you in mind. Written for you. It made it fun,”

Este pulled him in for an embrace, squeezing him with delight. A couple of repeated pecks landed on his cheek.

“This is so thoughtful of you, Matty. I don’t know what to say,”

He kissed her once she finished speaking. Her lips had a minty flavour to them.

“So what did you wish for? When you blew out your candles?” Matty wondered aloud, while turning sideways and crossing his legs over one another, to face her fully.

Este copied him. “It won’t come true if I tell you,” she defended, “But there is something I was thinking of getting for my birthday.”

“And what’s that?”

“Do you know of a good piercer around here?”

-

Less than ten minutes later, Matty and Este found themselves walking side by side into the heart of downtown Manchester. Affleck’s was their destination; and the journey was short and sweet. She’d explained to him that she loved the adrenaline of getting pierced and was in the mood for some change. Since The Studio, the piercing and tattoo parlour within the beloved market, took walk-ins, they wasted no time before heading out of the flat with determination.

It was the early evening on a Monday, so there weren’t many people around, and there wasn’t a wait to get seen by a piercer. A couple of waivers were signed before Este winced in pain from the needle going through the cartilage between her nostrils.

Matty held her hand while it happened and hissed painfully alongside her as she squeezed his fingers to brace herself. The minute he complained that she was hurting him, Este gave him a death stare as the needle still sat in her nose and the piercer prepared the jewellery for insertion. Clearly her pain was a bit more intense than his. He got the message.

After it was done, she was handed a mirror to take a look. Este liked the symmetry of the new silver hoop that went through her septum; how it balanced out the weight of the plethora of jewellery stacked on either of her ears. She grinned at her reflection.

“I love it, thank you so much!” said Este, to the piercer. She then looked over to Matty, waiting for his opinion. He reached out to flick a piece of fluff out of her hair, lovingly.

“You’re like my little bull.”

There were stars in his eyes.

With their mission accomplished, they wandered around the rest of the shops without any intention of buying anything else. Her arm was linked with his. They pointed at mannequins clad in heinous clothing to make fun of them and people watched.

“Want to see something funny?” asked Matty as they approached a stairwell far too familiar to him.

“Depends on what it is.”

He dragged her up the first flight and Este’s eyes scanned over its walls. Every inch was covered in posters. A certain one caught her eye, and she instantly knew what he was referencing. Young Ross, Adam, Matty, and George were displayed on an angsty black and white poster near the floor, casually accompanied by ones of David Bowie, The Smiths, and Bob Dylan. Este couldn’t help but laugh at how different Matty looked in the dramatically contrasted shot.

“My god, look at the state of your hair!” she teased.

“A lot of people actually want me to bring the shaved sides back, you know.”

She stepped back and held her phone up, gesturing for him to pose for a picture next to the silly anecdote, still laughing. “I can’t even recall how many times I’ve walked up these stairs without even noticing your little face down there.”

Matty kept a straight face and held up his hand in a thumbs-down position for her photo. “I like to come here whenever I’m in town and have the time to. Seems to get smaller every time.”

“Okay, granddad.”

-

Their legs grew tired of sauntering around with no objective, so soon enough, they collapsed back onto Este’s sofa. She lazily put something random on the telly and sprawled her legs across Matty’s lap—laying down while he sat upward. Rhythmic circles were traced onto the skin right above her ankles by his fingertips as they happily relaxed in the privilege of doing nothing, but together. The lack of plans helped them appreciate every minute passing; how they somehow seemed to pass by slower and feel sweeter as they sat in each other’s company.

In need of the toilet, Este forced herself to leave the nestled position they’d spent the recent hours in. The chill enveloping Matty after her body warmth was no longer draped across him made him frown. But, she came back quickly, and wasn’t even gone long enough to need to ask him what she’d missed on the episode of Bake Off that flashed on her TV screen.

Returning to Matty and the sofa, she decided to sit on top of him. Her knees were on either side of his hips. He smirked at her forward and suddenly bold demeanour as his hands found themselves on Este’s arse. They were comfortable there.

“Have a good wee?” Matty asked with a laugh.

“Yeah, great actually. Thanks.” Her fingers combed through the long and shaggy section of his hair, near the front, to part it down the centre and tuck the curls behind his ears. Seeing more of his face was the goal in her action. “You look pretty.” she repeated, from earlier. Matty’s smirk morphed into a closed-mouth smile at the sound of her niceties.

“I feel pretty with you on top of me.” he retaliated, suspending the suggestive mood she initiated.

Este’s hands remained on either side of his neck when he brought her lips down to meet his. They moved against one another delicately, but both wanted more. It was only a matter of time before the lust between them escalated the heat of the moment. So, she deepened their kiss, pulling Matty in closer and shifting her hips to feel more of him and humming in the process. She winced when his nose brushed against hers and her fresh piercing, but it didn’t stop her.

The friction she created over his bulge made him groan. He pinched the skin at her waist with greed as his hands crept beneath her top. It only encouraged Este to continue with her fluid movements, his pants growing tighter.

As much as Matty wanted to revel in the pleasure of his girl hovering above him—one of his favourite places for her to be—he considered the fact that it was her birthday. Her day. The thought made him want to try something new.

“Can I make you feel good?” he whispered, breaking their lips apart for air and to squeeze his question into the muggy air.

She nodded against him, beginning to climb off of his lap to lay on her back; assuming Matty wanted to go down on her. But, he stopped her before she could. Instead, he just sat up straighter, nearer to the edge of the cushion beneath them, and used his hands to position her straddle over only one of his legs. He wanted Este to ride his thigh.

They didn’t bother taking off any of their clothes. His hands guided her back and forth, her eyes fluttering shut in indulgence as the seam of her shorts and the pressure of his leg pressed against her clit. She bit back a moan with her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.

“Let me hear you, E.” encouraged Matty. Obliging, the next roll of her hips dragged a string of profanity out of her throat. “That’s better.”

The tightness in her lower stomach grew. Hot breath cycled between them as they breathed through their mouths during the lulls that found their lips no longer tangled together. Este could feel his hard-on when the top of her thigh came forward to graze it, growing wetter and closer to her climax by the second. She was a mess, and putty in Matty’s hands.

His eyes were glued to her. The way she moved and moaned his name with determination drove him insane, and made it hard for him to ignore the throbbing in his pants. Her face dropped into his neck, scratching at his skin softly with her teeth as she whined.

“Harder,” Este muttered, clearly getting close. He listened to her command and used his hands to bring her heat along his leg with aggression. The increased force made her cry out into him, head still hidden beneath his jaw.

Matty let her moans heighten in pitch, feeling her start to shake against him. But, suddenly, his hands slowed down her movements. “No,” he told her, “Not yet.”

Cruelly, he deprived her of the feeling she was chasing. A gentler and slower pace continued, much to Este’s dismay, as she quietly begged for more.

“Matty, please,” fell from her lips with desperation.

In response, he began building up the pressure, but at a snail’s pace. Her hips buckled forward in attempts for any pleasure she could get.

“Ask me one more time, baby.”

Her thick hair fell around her face, sticking to her sweaty skin as her head spun. “I need to come. Please, let me,” she forced out to him between her heavy breathing, and as soon as Matty heard her words, he tightened his grip and encouraged her hips to move faster. The sudden boom of resistance on her sensitive core drew more noises from her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Este could almost see stars. Only a couple seconds of him grinding her against him and uttering filth into her ear finally brought her to her orgasm, the convulsed muscles in her abdomen releasing their pressure. A wet patch soaked through her shorts and onto Matty’s when she moaned his name. The two of them slowed to a stop to catch their breath and kiss hungrily once more. A giddy expression couldn’t be wiped from her face if she tried.

When she gained a bit of her composure back, still sat on Matty’s lap, she took note of the almost concerning amount of sweat that encompassed their skin and the now dirty clothing they were wearing. “I think I need a shower,” Este decided.

Matty scoffed. “You’re going to leave and take a shower? When this is what you did to me?” he pointed to his crotch in disbelief. He was painfully hard.

Giggling and with a shrug, she responded, “Then come with.”

--- 2 July, 2019

That night, they washed the perspiration off of each other (after the shower head Este promised) and threw on comfy clothes. Both exhausted, they planned on climbing into her bed—but when Matty caught The Goonies popping up on the TV out in the lounge, they ended up staying awake.

Not for much longer, though. They must have only seen ten minutes of the cult classic film before dozing off and spending the night with their jumbled limbs squished together on the sofa. Aching muscles were a theme of the morning that followed.

It was reasonably early when they woke. Matty remembered to wish Este happy birthday the minute he learned she was conscious, showering her face in playful pecks. She didn’t want to do anything more with her day though, and thought yesterday was kind enough for him to plan. A quiet day in with Matty by her side was what she wanted. So they did exactly that, and stayed round her flat to do more nothings. It was peaceful. It was needed.

The annoying thing was that Este didn’t allow him to smoke in the house. When it was a joint, cracking a window was fine—as she frequently did so herself—but she forced him to take his cigarettes outside. As Matty needed another one, she followed him down, to soak up all of him she could get.

But, in the back of her mind, Este knew she was looking for a moment to be serious with him. Have a conversation about what had been fogging her conscience since he surprised her at Greenhouse the previous day.

Leaning against the wall of her building while he took a drag next to her, she mustered up the courage.

“So,” she started quietly, “Do you see other people?”

12 >>

[blogparanormal]

Paranormal (Data Dump) 3C

* The scariest UFO experience was in early March of 2017. I left my house and there was a light drizzle. When I was inside my house, I felt like I needed to grab my umbrella from my car because I might need it in the morning. My umbrella was in my car because I left it there. However my car was parked a few houses down at my grandmother’s home. This was where I parked my car because there was no room in the drive way at my parent’s house and the community rule states that cars will be towed if parked outside between midnight and 6:00AM. I do not know what made me feel like I needed to get my umbrella for the morning. I just went. I walked in the drizzle to my grandmother’s home. The drizzle was starting to sting my face as I opened my car door. I reached inside and took my umbrella out of the car and opened it. I closed the door and locked the car. Then all of a sudden, a downpour of rain came out of nowhere as I stood next to my car holding the umbrella. It made me feel as if I was in a motion picture and the heavy rain happened right on cue as I opened my umbrella. I was still next to my car when I saw a rainbow orb. The orb was not solid. It looked like a regular rainbow, but with a sphere. Then a yellow beam shot out of the sphere. It shot out as fast as lightning, but it was a full cylinder of yellow light. The yellow color reminded me as a Dixon Ticonderoga pencil. The sound of this beam seemed to be 10 times louder than thunder. I could feel the sound through my whole body. I felt the ground wobble just like the time I ate at a restaurant in Rancho Marriage and there was a small earthquake. I nervously walked back to my house grasping the handle of the umbrella. The orb floated to the center of the community. It had gotten closer to me. Just like before, it blasted its beam into the ground. It made that super loud thunder like noise. The beam must have been hot because it seemed to be able to create a thick fog around where it hit. I was in front of my parent’s driveway and I saw the rainbow orb in the middle of the road behind my car in my grandmother’s driveway. The orb launched the beam down to the ground, shook the ground, and a loud blast sound was heard. Imagine huge plumes of white smoke before a car catches fire, but it was vaporized water vapor from the heat of the beam. The mist flooded the air. Then it started to come down the road closer to me. This was the first time I had ever felt like I was in danger from a UFO. I ran into the house. I did not look back. My shoes and umbrella were soaked. I am still puzzled on what happed to me that day. The next day was clear and sunny, all day. What made me have the urge to go outside in the drizzle the day before? Did the UFO have something to do with my desire for the umbrella?

* On 5/6/17 I was driving home from 7-Eleven. I was in my car and I spy what some people call a UFO. This unidentified foreign object was a Mercedes Benz SLS AMG Roadster. It was black and its fold down roof was up. The convertible top was black. The SLS took a right turn and I followed in my car. We were heading west on the bridge over a river. I was admiring the SLS while driving upward on the bridge. This time I saw a real UFO in the sky. It was massive. It was circular with a flat top and flat bottom. Imagine an “Oreo” cookie with the diameter of three jumbo jet wing spans around 600 feet. The object was gold in color and had what looked like weld lines. The height was about 200 feet. I was now at the top of the bridge and the AMG super car I was to my left and the UFO was to my 10:00 position in the sky. I was headed down the bridge and in about 3 seconds the UFO faded into the sky as if its surroundings were being mirrored on the craft. I could still see the outline of the craft. I was at the bottom of the bridge and the trees are now blocking my view. I arrived home without incident. On 5/12/17 NASA claimed that they were testing a top secret aircraft. This raised a red flag because nobody tells about secret operation of any sort in the government. I was and still not sure if the two incidents were related, but I smell a conspiracy in development.

* In October of 2017, I was on a cruise ship. Everybody had to gather at our muster station outside. I was standing in a crowd of people they are all focused on the musterer for a safety briefing. The musterer was showing how to put on the life-vest in case of emergency. At this time a commercial jetliner flew near a cloud and a gold disk shaped object appeared just below the front landing gear area of the plane. I thought the UFO appeared because the plane got close to it. I thought there was going to be an accident with the plane and UFO because of how close they were together. I would say that the disk was about 10 –15 feet long in diameter and reminded me of the shape of a hamburger made out of gold. The musterer was talking about life rafts and I saw two more of the same craft. The UFOs were zipping and zooming, similar to how wild animals play with each other. They were flying all over the place. Another commercial jet took off and barley missed another UFO again in a different spot. It was as if the UFOs were playing chicken in the airways of the sky. The three UFOs then flew in formation and headed for some nearby clouds. The safety briefing was over and I left with the crowd. This happened in Fort Lauderdale Florida.

[sucker-for-steven-with-v]

Spy diary

July 1, 20XX, 11:00 PM

Today is the beginning of another stupid work/mission, where I immerse myself in spying on another hero. As a secret agent for a highly classified organization, I must remain discreet about my identity. My objective? To spy on an individual who has no idea about his other identities.

July 3, 20XX, 11:00 AM

My surveillance target is a man who possesses extraordinary abilities like Avengers. By day, he works as a museum employee, blending seamlessly with the ordinary world. But by night, he becomes Moon Knight, who is quite brutal and aggressive.

July 4, 20XX, 2:30 PM

According to the intelligence gathered, Moon Knight's true name is Marc Spector. During the day, he becomes his other identity called Steven Grant, who has no idea that he is an alternate ego. He displays gentle manners and acts like a genuine British. However, once the sun sets and the moon takes its place, a transformation occurs. Moon Knight becomes a formidable force, ruthless and colder than the night itself.

July 3, 20XX, 5:45 AM

It is truly uncanny to witness someone with such distinct dual personalities. Steven's unsuspecting nature during the day contrasts starkly with the commanding presence of Moon Knight at night. I had to exercise caution while capturing photographs of Moon Knight in action, as his ferocity against gang members proved too brutal to preserve.

July 7, 20XX, 8:30 PM

Whenever Moon Knight puts on his superhero outfit, I feel both amazed and scared at the same time. I can't help but wonder about the fabric of his costume. Is it smooth like silk or more like tightly-wrapped bandages? I'm so curious that I find myself wanting to touch it. However, there's also a sense of fear. If Moon Knight were to discover my spying, I'd likely end up on the receiving end of a beating, just like the criminals he deals with (which is not pretty at all).

July 12, 20XX, 6:15 AM

Every morning, when the sun starts to rise, Steven checks his ankle cuffs and the sand around his bed. What he doesn't realize is that Marc Spector fixes it once it gets ruined. Marc works hard to keep their secret lives hidden, and it is obvious that he doesn't want Steven to know that he exists. It's impressive, but also seems really tiring.

July 14, 20XX, 10:00 PM

It's sad to see how much this double life is affecting Steven. He doesn't even realize that he's only getting around 2 hours of sleep each day, which explains the constant bags under his eyes. It's tough on him.

As I wrap up today's entry, Diary, I must admit that I don't enjoy spying on this poor guy. I'd much rather be on a mission to recover powerful artefacts like Loki's staff. Moon Knight is just a small fish in a small pond, and he doesn't possess god-like powers like Doctor Strange or Scarlet Witch. So, I fail to see the real danger of this anti-hero.

I have already reported this to my leader so I guess, I just need to wait for the response now.

July 21, 20XX, 10:00 AM

Diary,

I witnessed Steven getting extremely frustrated with Donna from his workplace once again. That woman is truly unpleasant and nasty. While she may not have committed any serious crimes, her mean-spirited behaviour makes her a kind of criminal in her own way. I felt sorry for Steven, so I bought something from his store, hoping it would lift his spirits. He's always so kind, even though he doesn't recognize me since I was inhabiting another person's body. I also suggested a fantastic sandwich place I discovered the other day. He'll probably grab a sandwich on his way home.

Another intriguing revelation came to light yesterday. It appears that Marc has yet another identity, going by the name Jake Lockley. From what I gathered, Jake is the most brutal of them all. It seems he is from Spain and has a penchant for dishing out beatings to criminals. The leader mentioned that he's worth keeping an eye on for at least a year, so perhaps there's more to this Jake character. Unlike Marc, who strikes a balance between using his fists and his weapon, a crescent-shaped boomerang, Jake relies solely on his own physical prowess and doesn't bother with the protective uniform. Strange choice, considering the benefits it could provide against attacks.

Oh, and Diary, I must confess that my neck and shoulders ache from the exhaustive report I had to write yesterday. There were numerous incidents involving Jake's confrontations with various individuals, and detailing them all took quite a toll on my body.

So we may see each other again a bit later.

[wellness-university]

Creating a Morning Routine

Have you ever jumped at the sound of your alarm clock ringing unexpectedly from someone else’s smartphone? Before you know it, all the stresses of your morning flood your thoughts and you’re transported back to 6 a.m. 

Let’s be honest here- when you think of a typical morning in your life, is it something you look forward to?

Most students dread waking up early for various reasons such as not getting enough sleep the night before. But these students all share something in common: a lack of a morning routine.

Morning routines are essential to starting your day on a positive note. They are also an act of self care because morning routines exist to help you reach your daily goals and improve your mood. 

The first hour you spend awake is the most important part of your day. It can shape how the rest of your day turns out. So let’s talk about why you should organize a regular morning routine for yourself and how it can help you reach your daily goals. 

Creating a Morning Routine

You don’t have to be a morning person to have a morning routine and enjoy it. When creating your morning routine, there are a few components you should include:

- Exposure to light

- Movement

- Shower

- Food

Numerous research papers and studies have been done to show why these aspects of your routine are beneficial. But if you don’t want to add to your list of readings for the week, I’ll break down the important stuff:

- Exposure to direct sunlight is the best way to reset your circadian rhythm (your awake/asleep schedule) - Movement promotes the flow of endorphins throughout your body which regulate your mood - Taking a shower should be self-explanatory… but I’m going to go into this in the next section - Eating a balanced breakfast in the morning gives you energy to go about your day

Here’s what you need to figure out before making your morning routine:

- What do I want to accomplish before leaving my house/apartment/dorm?

- What is a reasonable time to wake up so I’m getting enough sleep?

It’s also important to note your personal characteristics in the morning. For me, I tend to move slower in the morning because I’m tired. This means that I have to wake up a bit earlier than most people to leave on time. Here’s an example of my morning routine:

5:25 a.m. – Wake up, feed pets, take dog outside

5:40 a.m. – Walk on treadmill 

5:50 a.m. – Shower 

6:05 a.m. – Get dressed & do makeup

6:30 a.m. – Dry hair

6:40 a.m. – Make breakfast & eat

6:55 a.m. – Pack lunch & snacks for the day, start car (during colder months)

7:00 a.m. – Take vitamins, leave latest 7:05 a.m.

When you have your morning routine written down, be sure to follow it for a few days and see if it’s doable and enjoyable. Remember, the whole point of a morning routine is to help you and make you look forward to your day. If you don’t like it, change something and try again.

Extra Tips

I’d like to talk about some specific tips you can apply to your morning routine to enhance its effectiveness. First, let’s talk about your shower. 

Research suggests that taking cold showers could help regulate your stress levels. 

But if we’re being honest, the last thing I want to do is step into a cold shower before 6 a.m. Instead, I take the majority of my shower in warm water and then expose myself to cold water for about a minute. I’ve personally seen an improvement in my anxiety and stress using this method. This is because cold water spikes your cortisol (stress hormone). After the spike, your cortisol slowly lowers throughout the rest of your day. 

Next, I want to discuss movement. If you’re an active person or an athlete, doing your entire workout routine in the morning could be great. There’s less people in the gym during the early morning hours. Plus, once you’re done with your routine in the morning, you’ll be free from it for the rest of the day. 

The only con to a full morning workout is that you’ll probably have to wake up a lot earlier. And again, you have to be realistic. Are you able to wake up at 4:30 a.m. and have the mental strength and energy for leg day? 

If the answer is no, then you have some choices in terms of movement. Running, walking, Pilates, and yoga are all low-impact exercises for those early morning hours. Going to the gym isn’t necessary to perform these exercises, either. 

Finally, I’m going to touch on your exposure to light. The best exposure is direct sunlight. But based on the time you wake up and what season it is, you might wake up while the moon is the only light in the sky. If this is the case, you can purchase a sunrise alarm clock or a sunlight lamp. But the lights you already have in your house are fine. 

Following your Routine

Once you’ve decided your morning routine, it’s time to follow it consistently. The key is – 

Rely on discipline, not motivation.

You won’t always be motivated to wake up, get sunlight, exercise, shower, and do countless other things before sitting in your 3-hour lecture. It can be really tempting to “sleep in” once you’ve set your routine and you know you don’t have to leave until 30 minutes before your class. 

But your discipline will carry you through those tough days.

Discipline is following the rules you set for yourself. In simple terms, this means that you must do this for yourself. 

Do it for your benefit. 

Do it because you love yourself. 

In this life, you need to become your most dependable person. Staying consistent in your routines is where that starts. 

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

missing

sooo hi! I haven’t posted any of my writing on tumblr in a long time lol, but I thought about it and I figured, eh, I might as well for this one :). And since I haven’t done this in so long, mas, I’m kind of stealing your format a bit. Sorry about that :p. Anyway, this is actually my first lone star fic! That I’ve posted, that is. I have another one I’ve been working on for a while (it’s not extremely long but motivation and inspiration are fickle things), which I will hopefully post soon :). But when there wasn’t a fic about this the day after the episode (I lasted a night of resisting the idea lol), this possessed me xd. This takes place the morning after 4x03. I hope you enjoy :D!!

trigger warnings: talk of kidnapping

~

TK woke with a start and a flash of anxiety, both of which were caused by his phone ringing. Ever since his mom, he always felt like he was going to get bad news. It was getting better, and then everything with Iris’s disappearance had spiked it again. But this was fine. Iris was back, so that was over. The anxiety started to recede, still humming in the background, but TK ignored it as he fumbled to grab his phone. He squinted automatically at its light, and he tried to see who was calling, but his eyes hadn’t adjusted after a few seconds so he just answered it.

“Hello?” he answered groggily.

“TK Strand?”

He sat up slightly.

“Uh- Yeah,” he responded. “Who is this?”

“Police Sergeant Sykes-” TK’s heart jumped into his throat, and he forcibly swallowed it back down. “I’m Officer Reyes’s boss. And you’re his fiancé, correct?”

“Oh, yeah, we- Yeah, we met once,” TK recalled vaguely. It had been a brief interaction when he was picking Carlos up from a shift. “Sorry, what do you need?”

“It’s fine,” Sergeant Sykes responded. “I apologize for calling you so early.”

TK glanced at the alarm clock next to him - 5:57.

“I had to be up soon anyway,” he said wearily.

“Oh, that’s convenient,” the Sergeant responded. He wasted no more before continuing. “Well, I was calling you because Officer Reyes didn’t show up for his shift at 5.”

Breathe. Just- Sykes was talking.

“Sorry, what was that?” TK interrupted.

“I was asking if Officer Reyes is at home,” Sykes repeated.

“No,” TK said. “He-” and then finally he woke up enough to remember. Relief and comprehension flooded through him. “He’s staying at the hospital with Iris Blake tonight.”

“Ah, I see,” Sykes said. “He must have overslept or got involved with something there. I’ll call them. Thank you, Mr. Strand.”

“Yeah, of course,” he responded, and the other man hung up. TK rubbed his face and glanced at his phone. No important notifications. No calls or texts from Carlos. And it was 5:59, so with a sigh he got up and started getting ready for work. His shift started at 7:00, so he didn’t have a lot of time to lounge around.

TK went into the bathroom and splashed some water on his face, trying to wake himself up a bit more. It didn’t really help. He dried his face and then quickly brushed his teeth, trying not to think about how it felt different with Carlos not coming home than when he left before TK. He thought about work instead, wondering what kind of day it would be.

Honestly, he wouldn’t mind a busy day, he thought as he went back into the bedroom and started looking for clothes.

His phone rang.

It’s fine, it’s nothing, just answer.

TK hurriedly picked up his phone from where he dropped it on the bed and answered it. He shoved the shirt he’d been holding under his other arm as he said: “Hello?”

“Sorry to call again so soon, Mr. Strand.”

It’s fine, just breathe. Maybe Carlos’s phone died and needs his charger.

“Sergeant,” he said, surprised. “What do you need?”

“You said Officer Reyes went to stay with Iris Blake overnight, yes?”

TK swallowed, staring at the wall but seeing nothing. “Yeah. Were you able to contact him?” Maybe the sergeant needed him to call Carlos himself, or remind him which room Iris was in.

There was silence for a few seconds.

Just breathe, don’t overreact. Everything is-

“Carlos Reyes is not at the hospital. We have no idea where he is.”

TK’s blood ran cold. His heart was beating in his ears - it’s fine he’s fine everything’s fine - and there was some squeaking sound in the back of his mind. Carlos must’ve left already. He must’ve- what was that noise?

TK glanced down and realized the noise was coming from his phone, which was currently sitting on the floor. He scrambled to pick it up.

“-you there?”

“Yeah, sorry,” TK forced out. “I- what were you saying?”

“Is there anywhere else he could be?” repeated the Sergeant.

TK closed his eyes, trying to focus. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

“Uh- yeah. There’s places he could be, but they’re not- I don’t know why he’d be there,” he answered.

“Such as?” Sykes asked.

“His parents’, the 126 firehouse, or just driving, like, to nowhere.” He racked his mind for Carlos’s hiding places, but he was still trying to figure out why he would be at any of them.

“I was about to call his father and ask if he knew where Officer Reyes is,” Sykes said.

“Okay,” TK said tightly. “But I can’t think of any reason he would be there. He- he said he was going to the hospital.”

“Is there any reason he wouldn’t want to come home?” questioned Sykes.

The lump in TK’s throat was growing fast.

“Mr. Strand?”

“Yeah,” he answered past the lump. “I- I went to talk to Iris, before her. . . disappearance. And, he thought- that it could’ve been my fault.”

“So he was angry with you?”

TK swallowed thickly. “Yeah.”

“Then it makes sense that he didn’t tell you where he was going,” Sykes said.

“No,” TK countered immediately. “He would’ve told me.”

Sykes didn’t say anything for a few moments. Then: “Tell me exactly what he said to you.”

“He- He called me, last night. Around 8:30, I think? Maybe 9:00. PM,” he added, just to be sure. TK took a deep breath. “I said I was getting worried, and I asked how Iris was. He- he said not great, and that I shouldn’t wait up, because he was going to stay there. So, I said that- it made sense, you know, that she shouldn’t be alone, and- and I said I loved him and he said it back.”

“He didn’t seem particularly angry with you last night?”

“No, just- quiet.”

“He’s most likely just spending time alone, and lost track of time,” Sykes said calmingly. TK would be annoyed at being treated carefully if he had any mental space for anything else.

“He’s been through a lot in the past few days,” the Sergeant continued.

“Carlos doesn’t lose track of time,” TK said, trying to keep the bite out of his voice. “And he wouldn’t skip his shift.”

The other end of the line was quiet for a few seconds.

“Sergeant-” TK started.

“I’m having someone call Gabriel Reyes now,” Sykes interrupted.

“Tell me what he says.”

“I will,” Sykes promised.

There was silence for a few moments - it felt like hours, but TK was sure it couldn’t have been longer than 30 seconds. He felt like pacing, but was rooted to the spot, barely breathing. TK could almost make out voices in the background of the other call, but he had no idea what they were saying. Then, nothing.

He waited a few seconds.

“Sergeant?”

“Gabriel Reyes has received no communication at all from his son.”

Breathe. That means he must be driving somewhere, blowing off steam.

“Okay,” he said, trying to ignore the tension in Sykes’s voice. “So- he’s driving, out somewhere.”

“Thank you,” Sergeant Sykes said, voice slightly fainter. What was he- right, talking to someone else.

“What?” TK asked, trying to keep his voice level. “Does someone know where he is?”

A sigh. “Cell tower report. Officer Reyes’s cell phone last pinged last night at 8:49 PM. His call to you,” the sergeant added.

It’s fine. It’s fine. He’s fine.

“So his phone died? That’s why we haven’t heard from him?” TK asked hopefully. Finally, there was an explanation beyond Carlos just forgetting.

“Carlos Reyes is missing.”

TK’s heart stopped. Everything slowed. It felt like plunging into the lake: muffled, freezing, and terrifying. The information wasn’t processing. It couldn’t, because this couldn’t be happening. Because Carlos had called him barely a day ago to tell him the exact same thing, but they had found her and she was fine-

“I’m sorry, TK.”

His senses came rushing back to him. It was like Sykes snapped him out of a trance. TK took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry,” TK said hollowly. “Find him.”

He was already moving, rushing to grab the rest of his clothes.

“Mr. Strand, we’re going to do everything we can-”

“I know that,” TK interrupted forcefully. “And you want me to come in and answer some questions, right?”

“. . . Yes, but-”

“Tell Gabriel I’ll be there in five minutes.”

“Mr. Strand- TK, Gabriel Reyes isn’t here,” Sykes said, the sympathy - more like pity - in his voice mixed with confusion.

“He will be,” TK said firmly. “And like I said, I will be too. So tell him.”

Sykes sighed. “I will,” he replied, sounding a bit defeated.

TK was about to hang up, but he hesitated. Stared at nothing. Heard his heart pounding now that the silence wasn’t filled with his voice.

“Thank you,” he said shakily. “For telling me.”

“Of course, TK,” the Sergeant said after a few seconds. “We’re going to find him.”

“I know,” TK said. He didn’t.

He hung up.

TK took another breath, and then dropped his phone onto the bed. He felt the anger rising back up. He needed to move, and he did. He jumped right back into his search for clothes. TK searched near frantically for his shoes (or any shoes really) as he switched his pajama shirt out for an actual shirt. By the time he changed all of his clothes, he finally found them.

TK rushed into the living room. He grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter and-

His phone. He ran back into the bedroom, snatched it off the bed, and was out of the door within seconds.

After an agonizing 40 seconds (time really was fond of making seconds feel like hours that morning), TK finally made it to the car. He unlocked it, threw open the door, and slid in. He knew the way to the police station by heart. Take a left on-

The door shut. The silence was back. TK hated this silence. Silence that should be just the lack of noise but was so, so much more. Silence that was anger and sadness and death-

TK let out a strangled sob. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding his breath until it all rushed out. He could feel the tears in his eyes, feel one start to track its way down his face. The silence took away the anger for just a moment, and all he wanted to do was scream, or cry. But he didn’t have time for either.

TK closed his eyes, taking a shuddering breath. And then a few more, slightly steadier ones. Carlos needed him. TK couldn’t just sit in the car, because Carlos was going to be fine but they needed to find him first. His fiancé was missing, and he needed to help.

TK opened his eyes and put the key in the ignition.

[tairona-is-taken]

Thanks so much for the tag, @pursuitseternal! I, too, had to dig into the archives for this, haha (although sadly, I have written zero Tolkien fics, so these are all from other projects/fandoms).

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway ❤️

1. The last house on the island had not sunk yet after all, though the waters of the bay stretched in all directions from its stone foundation to the distant horizon, glittering like crinkled tin foil in the afternoon sunlight. (Original fantasy novel)

Next up, all my Star Wars fics on AO3:

2. The comm came through just as Vader entered the moon’s atmosphere, a red blinking light indicating that it was of the highest priority. (The Boy Who Lived)

3. As soon as her last debriefing with NR Intelligence was over, Mara hurried to her temporary quarters in the Imperial Palace, threw her bag on the carved four-poster bed and started packing. (Killing You Softly)

4. Beru would always remember the first time she saw Darth Vader. (Worthy of Love)

5. Luke hasn’t thought of Old Ben in ages, but one morning he wakes up and just knows he has to go see him. (I'm Here to Rescue You)

6. “Son, how much longer are you going to waste your time on these pointless language lessons?” (Beyond Measure)

7. It started innocently enough, with Solo and Skywalker trading stories about stupid things they’d done while drunk. (What Happens on Hoth)

And now we've got to start digging into my DCU Livejournal fanfic from 15 years ago O_o ...

8. "All right, boys, come and get it," Lois grumbled as she set a cardboard tray holding four cups of coffee down on her desk. (A Lead)

9. On hands and knees in the ruined Fortress, with fingers beginning to blacken from frostbite, Clark claws at the snow, scrabbling to pick up the green Father Crystal from where it lies. (The Memento)

10. 6:00 PM. It was already 6:00 PM, Bruce realized with a start, and he had only finished reviewing the first unit of his fluid mechanics class. (In Arms of Undertow)

Anyway, what a fun trip down memory lane! And I was amazed that I managed to pull together this list without including any of my oldest fics (from Howl's Moving Castle fandom). I've written more than I thought over the course of my extremely sporadic fandom career!

As usual, I'm late to the game and nearly everyone's already been tagged, but here are a couple no pressure tags for folks I think haven't joined in yet :) -- @hikarielizabethbloom, @haladriel, @greenskyoverbluemountains

And anyone else who hasn't been tagged and wants to play, feel free to jump in!