#its like. being so conditioned to take on the burdens of the ones u love and the overwhelming vulnerability that comes with love but also

[angelofviscera]

on self sacrifice as love

I will mitski / love and pain (also known as vampire) edvard munch / snow and dirty rain richard siken / the kiss eva claessens / garden song phoebe bridgers / in blackwater woods mary oliver / the prodigal returns karen swenholt / rest energy marina abramović / red door julien baker / poems from an email exchange hanif abdurraqib

[smolfoxbab]

okay here’s the Narumitsu angst (with a happy ending)

its my blog and i get to choose the hyperfixation to post about

((1,830 words //tw for injury + blood// hope u enjoy!))

Phoenix Wright wasn’t the type of person to make enemies. At least, not on his own. His selfless nature and optimistic personality made him a likable man to be around, even if he was often clumsy and oblivious at times. However, being a defense attorney was a different circumstance, one that brought a certain set of unspoken dangers with it. In proving his client’s innocence, the guilty verdict was placed onto another. While most of these people posed no threat behind the bars of their sentences, there was no guarantee a grudge wouldn’t push them to seek vengeance.

Miles Edgeworth had plenty of experience with this concept already. He was a prosecutor-- The Demon Prosecutor. Among the death threats and various other attempts on his life, he was all too aware of the risks that came with his job. But he had learned to shoulder them, right alongside the other burdens he carried. He also knew that Phoenix didn’t consider these things, didn’t consider his own safety as much as he considered others. Concussed, tazed, nearly drowned and beaten to a pulp in an infamously deadly river... none of it seemed to phase him. He never slowed in his pursuit for protecting others, and that... that concerned Miles more than anything.

“You need to be more careful, Wright,” he had said once in passing after a trial where a guilty offender nearly wrung Phoenix by the neck, the defense attorney standing just a little too close when the verdict was handed down.

“One of these days something... serious, might happen to you, and you won’t be able to just laugh it off.”

Phoenix only flashed him that dopey grin and said, “I’ll be fine, Edgeworth. For an unlucky guy, I’m pretty lucky.”

Miles wanted to believe that, truly. The man seemed to get off easy in dire situations more often than not, so perhaps he had a point behind his foolish reasoning. Even so, his worry lingered. Luck always tended to run out at some point.

---

Then one afternoon, his phone rang. He had already been driving towards Phoenix’s office, having been called over earlier on the premise of having an “important discussion.” He’d left as quickly as he could, but the traffic seemed to determined to keep him from reaching his destination. It was slow, and he seemed to be hitting every red light possible. It was at one of these prolonged red lights, as he sat impatiently tapping the steering wheel, that a familiar tune sounded off in his pocket. Sighing, he slipped his phone out and checked the screen, not too surprised to see Phoenix was the one calling. Forgot to tell him something in the first call, most likely. He hit “answer” and brought the device up to his ear.

“What is it, Wright.”

There was a raspy breath on the other end before Phoenix spoke, his voice just as hoarse.

“M-Miles, I... I-I uh...”

Miles’ brow furrowed, and he found himself straightening in his seat, grip tightening on the phone.

“Wright? Is something wrong?”

There was another breath, followed by a rather nasty sounding cough. There was then a sound that could have been a laugh, if it wasn’t so strained.

“Ah... s-something like that... I w-was trying to call... hhhah... I guess it d-doesn’t mmmatter... a-are you almost... here?”

The light turned green, and Miles pressed on the gas. Harder than he should have, perhaps, but he was uneasy now.

“Yes, I am. What is it, Wright? What happened?”

There was a grunting sound, and the rustle of paper. 

“W-well... fffunny story, ah... there was s-ssomeone at the door and it t-turns out it wasn’t... w-wasn’t you and ahm... shit-”

The hiss was sharp and pained. Miles turned a corner a bit too hastily, nearly catching a street sign as he swung around it. Before he could say anything, Phoenix continued.

“I’m not... I’m nnnot doing too hot, Miles... It’s getting... k-kind of hard to... focus...”

Miles clenched his jaw, trying to hold his composure. He was on the final stretch of road, he just had to get there.

“Stay with me, Wright. Stay on the phone. Do you hear me?”

“Yeah...” came the reply, but the strength in it was fading, “yeah... Miles...?”

“I’m here, Wright.”

He turned into the office parking lot as he said that, haphazardly parking and exiting the car in record time.

“.....what I w-wanted to... tell you... I... I love... you.”

Miles’ breath hitched as he ascended the steps. He would’ve have stopped completely if not for the adrenaline fueling his movement. A lump formed in his throat, which he heavily swallowed as he pressed on. Damn it, why now did he- Damn that man. 

“J-Just hold on, Wright. I’m coming up on the door now. Wright? Wright?”

Silence filled the other end of the line as he approached the door, which sat unlocked and ajar. A red smear stained the door handle, while more splashes led across the floor and deeper inside. Miles only hesitated a moment before flinging the door open, rapidly searching the room for the other man. It didn’t take long.

The defense attorney was slumped against a bookshelf near his desk, various papers and books scattered around him, along with his still lit up phone. He wasn’t moving. Miles sucked in a breath as he practically slid to Phoenix’s side, one hand clasping his shoulder while the other went to check his pulse. Thankfully, he could still feel it, though it was weakening.

“Wright? ...Phoenix, can you hear me?”

He tried to get some kind of response, lightly shaking his shoulder, but got nothing. He shifted his gaze downward, where he couldn’t help but spot the dark stain soaking underneath his jacket. He lifted the blue fabric slightly, trying to get some assessment of the damage. It looked too wide a tear to be a gun wound. A stabbing seemed more likely.

“Damn it. Damn you,” Miles cursed under his breath, shucking his jacket off and moving to put pressure on the wound. He set to call the authorities at the same time, his now-shaking hand nearly dropping the phone entirely. He stared at the unconscious man before him as the phone rang, mumbling to himself before the responder picked up,

“If you die, you fool, I’ll... I’ll bring you back and kill you again myself.”

Emergency services responded quickly, and an ambulance was sent with haste. The police force arrived as well, with the ever-diligent Gumshoe heading the charge. Ever-diligent, and ever-emotional, as the detective seemed to blast through one emotion after the next while Phoenix was being prepped for the drive to the hospital. Miles was given the assurance as he boarded the ambulance himself that, no matter what, the culprit wouldn’t get away with it. In the tense silence of the ride that followed, Miles let that statement repeat in his head- let it hold him together. They wouldn’t get away with this. He would see to it personally... Once he was assured that Phoenix was going to make it out of this alive.

---

Several hours of absolutely nerve-wracking waiting in the hospital lobby followed after, but all well worth it when he was informed that Phoenix was in stable condition. That didn’t stop him from nearly throwing the recovery room door off its hinges upon arrival, however. He needed to see it for himself, confirm with his own eyes that the other was alive. 

A tired smile greeted him from the bed.

“Hey Edgeworth...”

Miles stood in the doorway for a moment, silent and stiff. Then, slowly, he drew in a breath, let his shoulders relax, and stepped inside with the door closing behind him.

“Wright.”

Phoenix winced at the tone of Miles’ voice, like a child about to be lectured by his parent.

“Look, before you get m-”

“You are an absolute moron, Phoenix Wright. I mean really of all the idiotic- Not only do you call me as you’re bleeding out, rather than contact the authorities-”

Phoenix attempted to interject.

“To be fair I was actually trying to call the-”

But Miles didn’t let him finish.

“But then you have the gall to go and declare- to tell me that you- in such a dire circumstance you decide to claim-”

“Miles-”

“Not seconds before I walk in on what could have well been a murder scene- And what would I have done then? Knowing you had said such a thing before I could even have a chance to process it let alone-”

“Miles if... if you don’t feel the same I-”

“Reciprocate.”

Both of them fell silent then. Phoenix, slack-jawed and staring straight at Miles while the prosecutor locked his gaze to the floor, feeling the heat begin to burn in his cheeks. Phoenix blinked rapidly, beginning to flush a bit himself despite his currently paler complexion.

“Y-y-you mean you-”

Edgeworth huffed and turned towards him, closing the distance between himself and the bed before closing the distance between the two of them. It was an impulsive kiss, and not the one either of them imagined would be their first, but it was real. Phoenix was real, and still here, returning the kiss like it was the most natural thing in the world. A wince and a hiss broke the moment though, Phoenix pulling back to sink into the mattress he’d started to push off of. Miles pulled back hastily, rubbing at his arm with an awkward clearing of his throat.

“A-apologies, I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no- my fault, really. And look I... I’m sorry for worrying you and... how I said that really wasn’t how I meant to go about it-”

Miles cut him off again before he could start losing himself in his rambling.

“I... I know, Wright. I would be far more concerned if your plan had been to confess to me by having a near death experience.”

Phoenix chuckled nervously and looked elsewhere, giving Miles the chance to take up the seat next to his bedside.

“Yeah that’s... a little far out there... even for me. But Miles, you really...?”

Phoenix looked back with a start as Miles took his hand, his grip cautious but protective. Miles attempted to play it off as if he was exasperated, rather than jumbled mess of feelings he was grappling with. The mess of feelings he had been grappling with for some time.

“Honestly, I would have thought just now made it clear enough, but. If I must say it to convince you. Yes, Phoenix. I... I love you, too.”

There was a pause, far too long yet far too short, before Phoenix smiled. Still tired at the edges, but warm and genuine. 

“Okay then. I’m... I’m really glad to hear it isn’t just... I’m glad.”

Miles couldn’t help but smile faintly himself, gently squeezing the hand in his.

“...As am I. Now... why don’t you tell me how you got into this mess?”

[prose-for-hire]

Headcanons for caring for a depressed s/o:

Request: I was wondering what would some the Buffyverse individuals do for a significant other with chronic depression Requested by: @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard 

Characters: Spike; Giles; Angel: Buffy; Cordelia; Xander; Willow; Oz; Anya; Faith

Warning: Discussion of symptoms of depression (I didn’t describe in too much detail, mostly about the care/support the character would give). Mention of medication (If you do not take medication just ignore it). Hints at harm.

A/N: I don’t have an insight into the way everyone’s depression works, so I can only write what I know. If you want something else just request! Sorry it took slightly longer than I anticipated! I hope this is okay !! 💖

Spike:

Spike’s mood is always in tune to yours

So when things are getting bad, he can feel it

If you can’t get out of bed, he’ll come to you

He’ll wheel the tv over, grab some blankets and try to comfort you as much as he can

you’ll be bundled up in so many blankets, it’ll be a little nest

He’ll join you in bed, wanting to have a lot of physical contact

He’ll be worried all of the time, he feels a lot. Especially when he cares for someone

He’ll sit with you for as long as is necessary

won’t ever be bored

If you want cuddles will silently hold you or tell you what’s going on on the tv if you’re not looking and nestling into his side

If you want leaving alone, he’ll try not to hover (but the man loves deep and the way he shows it is comfort)

He will every so often suggest an activity, one he knows will require less effort on your part to try and get you out of the crypt

Will look up ways to help or ask you a lot if he’s doing the right things

Won’t want to leave you on your own when it gets real bad but if he has to he’ll make sure you can contact him immediately wherever he is

He’ll ask what he can do to help a lot. hates to see you in pain.

literally hurts him. But he never wanted to leave your side.

Will promise to support you for as long as you need if it interferes with jobs/etc (he can get money)

Giles:

at first his concern might come across a bit sharp

But when he finds you crying over something insignificant he’ll come and cradle you and sit you down while he sorts it

He’ll be very practical but incredibly soft with you

Reminders to take meds, etc

Will check with you on what you want

A lot

(which may get annoying but try not to snap he’s really trying)

He’ll have read up on everything he can concerning depression and try his best to be someone you can talk through anything with

doesn’t want you to feel alone in anything (you’ll never feel a burden)

will do tasks around the house if you’re struggling and won’t like you to thank him

he’ll see it as the least he could be doing

he’ll often set up snacks and everything around you on the sofa if that’s where you’re set up

moves all of the piles of books from in front of the tv so you can watch

will sit and watch anything. But will give you a commentary on how much drivel is pouring from the screen if its particularly low-brow

If you can’t focus on the screen or get restless he’ll think of ways to help

He’ll take out a book, pull you into him and start to read in that soothing voice

Angel:

he’d get it

You wouldn’t have to explain

He’d be able to tell if things were getting worse

He might notice your sleep schedule was almost as nocturnal as his

Or that you’re smile isn’t quite reaching your eyes half of the time

Despite you at least making the effort

but he’ll ask you to always come to him and talk about it

If you can’t that’s okay, he gets that too

But he wants to be there

And he’ll tell you so

Will give very good reassuring hugs.

especially ones in the mornings when you both know you should be leaving bed

he doesn’t eat human food, but he will always cook an evening meal

wants to make sure you’re eating decent meals

sometimes you might forget or not have the energy

but he will always make sure he’s planned an evening meal

If you can’t sleep he’ll make warm drinks and watch over you

will hold you for as long as you need (especially on a restless night)

not being able to sleep sucks, but at least you know he’s right there

If you’re feeling very low, will make sure to stay with you to make sure you’re safe

It’ll be the most important thing to him

Buffy:

this girl knows depression

She’s been there and worn the T-shirt

She’ll know that sometimes there’s literally nothing she can do to turn your mood

But it doesn’t mean she won’t be there if that’s what you want

she’ll try to bring you on patrol as much as she can, it’s a distraction at least

but if you really can’t face leaving the house, she would ask the scoobies to start taking up the slack and stay in with you

I feel like she would do all the shopping (food and extras) so you’d have a bunch of fun snacks or random treats that she hoped you might like

knows the little things can go a long way

if you appear emotionless or low, she’ll kiss you softly on the forehead and will never take it personal

if you’re trying to avoid going out she’ll gently encourage you

if you really refuse to go out in the evenings, her solution will be movie nights. 

She’ll rent videos and set up the living room 

so many blankets and she’ll cuddle up to you

she’ll slowly invite one or two friends over too so that you’re not cutting yourself off from everyone you care about (there’s no chance she’ll let you cut her out)

eventually, there will be regular Scooby movie nights

Cordelia:

will chat to you about anything and everything

Won’t expect you to talk back, just wants you to know she’s there

can talk non-stop for days about all of the gossip she has accumulated

If you’re struggling to motivate yourself with everyday tasks she will do as much as she can

without even mentioning it

If you haven’t washed your hair in a while she will offer to wash your hair

Will run you a bath (or shower if that’s easier)

And will very soothingly massage your scalp and wash/condition your hair

She’d set out comfy clothes and definitely brush out your hair (or comb it/style it depending on your style)

read in a magazine that sunlight is supposed to help

trying to decide if the tanning bed would be the same thing

eventually opts for natural sunlight when told by one of the Scoobies that tanning booths probably aren’t the best way to go

will set up a beach day

or the closest thing she can get to a beach day (which might just be sitting in the back garden under the sun)

you tell her she didn’t have to but she will smile wide and insist that it was the best excuse to work on her tan

Very caring and will drop everything for the right person to meet their needs

Will fight anyone that says anything judgemental or rude about you

Willow:

She’ll be very practical but try to be lowkey about it

small suggestions to make sure you’re looking after yourself

you will never ever have any doubt she cares

forgetful? Sticky notes everywhere

adjusting to new meds? Will make a list of any side effects and monitor you to be sure you’re safe

(just cos she cares)

If the days are running into each other she will wake you up telling you the day with a little kiss

I feel like she’d like meal prepping

so she’d make meals for the week so you could have something in if you weren’t feeling up to cooking anything nutritious

she’d totally be doing it anyway, so just makes a little extra for you to share

she will also bake and encourage you to join in too. She’ll say its more fun when you’re around

she will try and inject a little bit of fun into everything

e.g. making a game out of tidying your living room/bedroom

Will offer to do a few spells to help with everyday tasks if they’re overwhelming you a bit

Won’t be too upset if you say no

But will try to convince you multiple times

Xander:

if you’ve been in a slump for a while he’ll try and shake up the routine

even if its just a little something

will crack a lot of jokes to try and cheer you up

“Laughter is the best medicine” (but he will definitely check in sporadically to make sure if u take meds that you are taking them)

won’t remember himself to check all the time but will remember randomly and he’ll ask even if you’re in the middle of a different conversation

But knows when to be serious, when you really need him to be there

Will want you to lean on him 24/7

Both literally and metaphorically

If there’s a day where you’re doing a lot of crying he will be the shoulder you cry on

Wouldn’t leave even if it looked like you were trying to push him away

Knows how to talk to you (especially if you were being self-deprecating)

would 100% be the type to make breakfast in bed on multiple occasions. Wants to make sure you feel special

because you’re usually pretty hard on yourself

might get frustrated that he can’t do more to help (but would never take it out on you)

would go and vent to Buffy or someone who would tell him what you would: that you love that he’s there as much as he can be. He makes it all worth it

Oz:

he’d be very chill about it 

He’d always worry, but be chill on the surface

not only because he’s literally always laid back but because he wants to show it doesn’t phase him

he loves you

he’ll just roll with whatever it is that you need

If you need to cancel plans he’d just nod and call up to cancel

Would try his best to make sure you were comfortable

He’s big on giving for a s/o so anything you needed he’d encourage you to ask

He’d probably check on you a lot, not always verbal just a gesture with his head

If you’re no longer able to enjoy stuff you’re into, he’ll try and slowly introduce small activities

bursts of fun that might or might not help

but you always appreciate the thought

Music.

Will play music as a way of distraction if your thoughts are getting heavy

Any genre. Any decade. Any mood

Will lie there with you, letting the songs wash over you both

Will want to hold your hand or something as a gesture of comfort

always wants you to know he’s there

Anya:

If you can’t move from bed or you’re unmotivated she will try her best to be understanding

Will set lots of alarms if it’s something important you need to get up for

Alarm clocks on every surface

But if you can’t face it she’ll make up a very unconvincing excuse but nobody will question her

At least her hearts in the right place

will tell you wild stories from her past to pass the time if you can’t face leaving the house

will insist you go to therapy and make sure you go

is very by the book because she has just learnt about everything

(thanks Google)

“it says here that counselling/therapy will help with your depression, so you have to go every week, y/n”

will not be open to discussion about it. 

she read it therefore it’s a fact so will always make sure you go. Same with meds if you take them. Same with making sure your diet is as balanced as possible

she’ll be very by the book because she’s just learning about it as she goes

and she’ll always want the best for you

Faith:

If you’re feeling particularly bad about yourself that day she wouldnt care about appearing vulnerable she’d whisper the softest things

you’d want to tease her but you just couldn’t

she’d make you feel so loved

you’d never be a burden with her

she’d love you so fiercely 

she might snap sometimes, but she knows when you’re more fragile

she’d hate seeing you cry

would make her cry

but she wouldn’t go anywhere or tell you to stop. She’d whisper and just let you cry against her

with her own tears threatening to spill

would be very protective

if anyone made you feel guilty or didn’t understand you physically couldn’t do stuff

she would not hesitate to use her slayer strength to back up her words

Will take you on trips in the car. Won’t tell you where she got the car from. Or if her license has expired or not

Mini roadtrips with no real destination

so that you can have some fresh air, some music

knows that you’ll need a change of scene if you’ve been staying in a lot

[archivedatl]

Old Blogs

Howdy. I’ve noticed some concern over the loss of my old blogs here n’ there so I decided to post all of them in one large, comprehensive blog-a-verse. Hope this brings a smile to a few faces. Our Street Corners Keep Secrets This is me asking for a brick to be thrown through my window,
a message attached that reads, "Why can’t you just wake up?"
I am not a star,
don’t look up to me in hopes of finding something more.
That which is out of reach does not promise anyone a goddamn thing.
Hope arises in possibility,
but possiblity is fragmented and selfish,
so don’t think for a second that I am safe ground to walk on.
I will sink beneath the feet of a thousand travelling companions,
and make ruin of any city’s foundations,
because concrete and steel can never tell a soul how it feels.
Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only suggest,
never deciding for us,
never knowing if the destination to which they lead,
is where we truely belong.
Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will some day end,
but that most of us just live to follow directions,
and many times we end up totally lost. I am a landmine. Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.

I-O-U.

Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.

Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*. I’ll talk the talk, you take care of the rest. What up thugs?

I’m alive and well, realizing how eternally grateful I am for everything going on in my life day by day... Its a lot like learning to walk - at least, that’s how I’d like to think of it. We’ve all been there, so I won’t waste your time painting a pretty picture of how it all goes down...
I want to talk about other things...
First and foremost, I’ve come to understand that as of late there have been a lot of people finding this little piece of my life tucked away on the web; moreso than usual, and for that reason, I’d like to extend my proverbial hand to anyone and everyone who may have something - anything to say to me. Thank you for taking an interest in who I am and what I’m attempting to do with my life. I am opening myself up, as much as possible, to anyone who may be interested. All I ask is that whoever you may be, wherever you may be, understand that I am only human - two hands, ten fingers, and a life... I’ve received a few messages from people, upset that I haven’t been able to respond to their previous comments or private messages, and who now probably think less of me for it. I hope this isn’t the case, but its bound to happen. What I’m saying is that I don’t live my life on the internet... I’m sorry if there’s a message I never got around to responding to... I’m just not that good at keeping up with reality, let alone a virtual one. I will, however, try harder from now on... And understand that even if I don’t respond, I probably have read your message. I don’t just clear my inbox and move on. Thats plain rude. :)

To all my good friends,
the ones I should talk to more often,
the ones I left back home,
the ones I will never stop loving,
thank you for still hugging me when I come home...
I know I don’t always show it,
but I’m forever indebted to you all for everything you’ve ever done for me...

That brings me to my second point.
The closest friends you’ll ever have are the ones you’d take a bullet for,
but they’re the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well. ;)

Think about that one.

That’s it for now. I can’t believe I’m up at 5:14am. Touring has made me an insomniac, but I feel fucking great.

Have a good one y’all,

Me Lawyers and Liars I am a liar.
I am self absorbed.
I am in this for me.
I am seeking recognition.
I am not concerned with politics.
I am attempting to rise to the top.
I am never going to forget my intentions.
I am allowed to worry about my own life above the lives of others.

-------AFTER ALL---------

I am human. Part Deux: Colors, Sounds and Feather-Downs 
Current mood: happy I had a long, goofy conversation several weeks ago with an interesting girl who I haven’t seen since, in a diner I have yet to revisit, but it stirred up some thoughts that I found pretty interesting. Maybe I’m just nuts. Anyhow, the discussion began on a simple basis; I inquired as to what her favorite color might be. She said she didn’t know. I replied, "How can you not know? Its a simple question." -- She paused, looking sort of surprised, as if someone had never pressed her for an answer before, and then replied, "Well... It changes... Today its yellow."

I didn’t know what to say...
I didn’t understand.

How can your favorite color just change?
What happened to yesterday’s favorite color?
If, on a whim, something of such esteem and value can be replaced with another, then on what grounds was it ever of any more value to begin with?
When I was little, my favorite color was green. It stayed that way, no matter what I said to be trendy at the time (IE. 8th grade was my "black is such a raw and expressive pigment" phase, but everyone goes through that shit.) As of late, I’ve become more partial to blue - Light blue in particular, but that’s not that important. My point is that something happened that caused me to send green packing, and to fall absolutely head-over-heels for blue.
(Stay with me on this...)
Now, such a dramatic change in attraction doesn’t just happen - I mean shit, I know we’re only talking about colors here, but this kind of switch-a-roo has only happened ONCE in my entire life. Green ---> Blue. Just like that. Must mean somthing, right?
Pablo Picasso went through a "blue period", at which time he was broke and mourning the loss of a dear friend. There’s a similarity there somewhere.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am by no means depressed, nor do I have any reason to be, but perhaps color - every, individual hue, represents to each of us a state of being, and in turn, helps us to deal with whatever it is we may be going through. I’m not talking mood-ring shit here. What I mean is that there are things - simple things - that without our knowing, mean the world to us and when they change, they change for our own good, because whether we like it or not, we are looking out for ourselves. We do it unconsciously - But we do it. We do it to stay happy and to stay alive... And above all else, that’s what matters.
On this note, I’d like to attempt to make my point - Don’t throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas. People will screw you - You will screw people... Green ---> Blue. Get it? I’m not sure I do... Always consider that your life will venture in new directions, but be aware that other’s will do the same, and in accordance, understand that to be happy, people must exist in their own light, cast in and of themselves, not by the light of their peers. Conflict will arise because of this. Conflict is to be expected; conflict is a part of life. Find ways to work through conflict, even if it means picking a new favorite color...


I hope this makes a little sense.


I’m tired and rambling, and perhaps just a misguided fool, but I think there’s something in this - something that I am learning and accepting as my fingers punch these keys to an inviting, hypnotic rhythm. I feel like they’re leading me somewhere, and I’ve decided to follow.

____I’m going to bed. Take from this what you will.

Love,

Alexander William Gaskarth

*I feel fine* The first of many, I hope. 
Current mood: happy So I’ve decided to spill it; the beans, the juice, my guts... Whatever you want to call it, consider it spilled. Up to this point, I feel like I’ve done an excellent job of keeping just about everything true about myself, to myself... and for good reason - what people don’t know, people can’t use against you. I guess that’s my first confession. I fucking despise the way people operate. The way people go out of their way to find things out, only to throw them senselessly (BLINDLY) into conversation later. I don’t know if its intentional, (I guess that sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t,) but frankly, it gets to me. Its the same kind of prying aggravation I feel when someone starts moving shit around in my car, or on my computer table. Stop putting hills in my rugs! Please. Call me OCD but if I put something somewhere, chances are, I wanted it there and it should remain that way. Its the same for anyone else. Let one’s own business remain that way. Anyway. I’ve fallen into a depression lately - not emotionally per say, but I feel like my ability to open up to people has peaked over the past two years. I used to be so ready to say anything, without caring how it affected me, but recently I’ve become so protective of myself, not because I’m afraid of getting hurt by others, but because I might make myself look bad. It’s disgusting. I never used to be so self-absorbed. Its like in every situation, I’m wearing a mask... Not just one mask, in fact, but many masks; Masks to hide masks between people - to hide certain sides of myself from those who disapprove where others don’t. I try so hard to win the approval of everyone. Why? Fucked if I know. I just love being the center of attention I guess. And all this time I thought myself to be humble. No sir. But then, who really is humble? Everyone wants to be loved, right? So am I wrong in looking out for my own well being? Who knows? It makes me sick to my stomach, regardless. I’ve unknowingly stumbled across so many insecurities lately that I feel like a different person at times. It’s like I’ve been born all over again, to a world where I have to carry myself differently. I’m still opinionated, I’m still eagerly in search of answers, but my motives have changed. I do it for myself now; for the praise and admiration I earn as a result of my actions, not for the simple pleasure found in just "doing it". Maybe its all just part of growing up, as they say. Maturing... You know? But does it continue to change? Will I stop acting like such an asshole? Who knows. It worries me. I don’t want to be like this, but its who I’ve become... What’s worse is that I don’t know who or what to blame for the transformation. That would be too easy, right? I digress. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate. My dreams are coming true right before my very eyes - I have a band - We’re going somewhere - This time next year I hope I’m far, far away from this place. I want to see Japan. I’ve wanted to see Japan for a while now; call it a calling. Haha. I don’t know what I want when I get there - I don’t even like the hustle of big cities for too long. Gives me a headache. But there’s something about it. I’ll see it soon enough. The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks. I have some good friends. We get hammered sometimes and forget about everything. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. Awww. I also like to kiss people. It gets me into trouble sometimes. Whatever. Certain individuals need to stop looking for love in the wrong places. --I can’t talk. --I’ve found love in the worst places. --Its not an easy thing to deal with. --Doesn’t change the way I feel about them. --Its ok. --As long as I’m happy. There I go being selfish again. ___I’m done confessing for now. Take from this what you will. Love, Alexander William Gaskarth *I feel better.*

[kirishwima]

oooo, what about... hcs on how MC treats the various members when they’re sick and vice versa if you’re up for it!!!!

oh i really like this! especially since im a little sick today too lol

YOOSUNG:

* When he’s sick, he’ll complain about it A Lot 

* He’s just a grumpy little bean, walking around with a blanket over his head and shoulders, probably with a thermometer stuck in his mouth for extra Drama ((yoosung bby that’s-that’s now how u use thermometers))

* He’ll love it if MC takes care of him, taking his temperature, bringing him tea in bed or cooking a warm meal for him

* Even though he loves to be pampered, he’d really try his best so MC won’t catch his cold-he’ll berely even look their way, even holding his breath when MC is near his face to e.g. put a compress on his forehead

* When MC is sick, his caretaker switch is instantly flipped 

* He loves to take care of his loved ones, and so he might feel a little guilty excitement to be the one to take care of MC in their time of need

* Will make delicious hecking soup, or even call his mom for some housewife flu remedies

* He’ll feel especially guilty if MC caught the cold from him-will double up his pampering ante and refuse to let MC even take a single step out of the bed

* He’ll personally call their work/uni to let them know MC’s sick, and will spend the day by their side no matter what

*He’s just a sweet caring baby :’)

ZEN:

* Also a Big. B I G drama queen when sick

* Zen: *sneezes*  Zen: This is it. This is how I die. Goodbye cruel world

* He very rarely gets sick thanks to his good genes and self-care, so when he does it feels like the end of the world for him

* If MC tries to care for him, he’ll appreciate it but will refuse their help at first, worried that they’ll catch his cold

* Will eventually accept the help though, especially if his cold worsens/if he develops a fever e.t.c

* The first time MC takes care of him when he’s sick, he might actually cry; he hasn’t had someone care for him like that ever since he left home, and even then he never experienced this gentleness, the way MC cradles his face when placing a cold compress to his forehead or how they hold his hand tight to comfort him

* He simply appreciates their presence really

* If MC is sick, he’s immediatly tackling them to the bed, turning them into a burrito of clothes and blankets as he dashes into the kitchen to make them some warm tea with honey

* Might actually be a liiiittle extreme with his care-no Zen, no one needs 5 spoons of honey in their tea nor a whole box of vitamin C to get over their cold. Yes, they’ll be fine even without wearing 25 layers of pyjamas

* MC will probably have to calm him down and reassure him they’re fine, they’ve been through the common cold a dozen times and it’ll pass

* He’ll be happy to care for them whichever way they need him to though

JAEHEE:

* Baehee does NOT get colds.

* She refuses to!!

* What you heard was definitely not a sneeze. It was just. Uhhh. It was just allergies. Yup, that’s all it was.

* It takes a lot to convince her that yes, Jaehee, you do have the flu, and yes you need to rest

* The fussiest patient ever really

* Even with a burning fever she’ll refuse to stay in bed, dazily trying to get ready for work regardless of her condition

* MC please tie this girl to the bed (no, not in a kinky way, more like a please-stay-there-and-get-better sorta way)

* When she eventually gives up and allows MC to take care of her, she’ll feel really guilty about it-Jaehee’s so used to being self-efficient, that she’s never really had someone care this much for her

* She appreciates it, but is also scared-for her having someone care this much for you is both a blessing and a curse, and it’ll take her a long time to learn to accept help when she needs it

* If MC is sick however, she’s immediatly running to the pharmacy for vitamins and cold medicine

* She won’t fuss too much over MC-it’s something she herself hates, so she doesn’t want to make MC feel overwhelmed either.

* Instead she’ll discreetly push MC to go home earlier from work, will leave all the necessary medicine on the bedside table, make some tea and soup for the both of them, e.t.c

* If she knows MC likes to be pampered, she’ll be more bold with her care, cuddling MC and placing her cool hands onto MC’s forehead for comfort (i hc that Jaehee always has really cold hands and feet lol)

JUMIN:

* Similarly to Jaehee, he’s not used to getting colds

* He has his own personal doctor, nutritionist, everything needed to be in perfect health pretty much

* It’s more likely that, after getting the yearly flu shot, he develops a few flu-like symptoms for a few days as it often happens with the influenza shot

* He tries to muscle through the symptoms, but when he starts coughing midway through a meeting, he decides to take the day off and go home to rest instead

* He’s very attuned to his body-if he feels unwell, then that’s that, and he’ll simply wait for his body to recover to its natural state

* MC is probably a bit shocked at first-they’ll try to offer Jumin some help, to go get him some medicine or cook something for him, but he’ll refuse, saying his doctor has already given him all the necessary medications and that he can just call the chef to make them both something appropriate for the winter weather

* If MC tells him that they’d rather cook something for him because ‘a meal made with love will make the cold go away faster’, then he’ll simply tell the chef to take the day off, and lounge in the kitchen as he fondly watches MC make him a heartwarming soup

* He’ll indulge a little if MC lets him-will tell them to feed him, smirking at the blush that spreads on their cheeks. He’ll raise a brow and tease them, asking if they should help him shower as well, laughing at their wide eyes at the suggestion (not that he’d mind it *wink wonk*)

* If MC is the one sick however, then hoo boy, all hell will break loose

* The penthouse is effectively in quarantine-he’ll call the best doctors he knows of to examine them, will tell Jaehee that he won’t be coming into work and remain by MC’s side at all times until MC is back in full health

* Jumin: “I’ve called the best doctors I know, you’re in good hands MC”  MC: “That’s literally a cardiologist and a diabetologist, Jumin that’s like asking an architect to engineer an airplane?! pls tell these poor ppl to go back home”

* He’s absoloutely one to overreact, and it’ll take a LOT to convince him to calm down and simply let MC rest

* He’ll actually try and cook for MC-nothing fancy, maybe just some rice porridge or noodle soup, and it might taste a bit weird, but he’ll be happy if MC eats even a little bit of it

* Just wants to take care of his SO, even if he doesn’t really know how to

SEVEN:

* Wait i thought idiots don’t catch colds-

* He is definitely one to catch a cold in the summer

* One moment he’s fine and memeing like usual, the next he’s laid down on the couch, sweating and coughing like there’s no tomorrow

* He’s not used to actually having someone around to care for him, and getting sick as a kid...well, it was essentially a death sentence, so he’s gotten used to hiding his symptoms as best as possible

* It’ll actually take a while for MC to notice he’s sick-they might hear him discreetly cough while trying to talk, notice he looks more tired than usual, little things that point out that he’s not in the best shape

* He won’t push MC away if they try to take care of him, but he’ll be really confused-he deadass NEVER had anyone do this for him, and he doesn’t really know what’s happening

* “Wait MC why are you pulling me to bed I’m not really in the mood for-”   “SHUT UP AND LET ME NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH YOU BID NERD”

* Will crack nurse jokes at any and all opprotunities (will try and get MC to wear his nurse cosplay outfit ofc)

* In all honestly, his heart will swell with love when he looks up to see MC’s worried face, how they’ll place a hand on his forehead or feed him medicine and a warm meal that isn’t honey buddha chips

* He feels guilty but at the same time so happy-he never thought he could ever have this, and he does, and he’s so scared that they’ll slip right through his fingers-with the boldness that the delerium of fever allows him, he’ll hold MC close to him, not caring wether they’ll catch his cold or not, simply grateful for their presence beside him

* If MC gets sick....good luck lmao

* He wants to take care of them, he just...has no clue how to lol

* Will put honey buddha chips in the microwave and hope it works

* Nah I’m just kidding-he’s used to taking care of Saeran as kids, so he more or less knows what to do-he will however have to ask Yoosung if he can come over and help him cook since he’s hopeless in that regard

V/JIHYUN:

* V actually has a pretty weak immune system-not immunocompromised per say, but he’s just more vulnerable to the winter cold is all

* He’s used to getting sick and knows the drill-go to the pharmacy, get some meds, stay in bed for a day or two, then back to daily life it is

* Rika...never really took much care of him. It’s probably not only because she didn’t try to, but also because he’s used to doing his best to not worry anyone; whatever burden there is to carry, he’ll try and carry it alone, always

* Well, MC is here now and they ain’t about to let that happen

* V will try and undermine his flu at first, but MC will insist, will tug this big lanky boy into bed and cover him in blankets, make him some warm tea with milk and honey and stay beside him as he drinks it, rubbing soothing circles in his back if he starts coughing/sneezing

* Unused to such affection, he’ll probably be shocked and flustered at first, but will appreciate the care nontheless

* Can’t wait to get healthy again so he can pepper MC’s face with kisses and take them on a well-deserved date, as a thank you for taking care of him

* If MC gets sick, his nursing mode is ON. 

* This boy is a caregiver by design-he loves to pamper his loved ones, loves to be there and caring for them as much as possible 

* If MC has a cough, he’ll cook up one of his mother’s remedies-a cup of warm red wine with honey and lemon (it soothes the throat instantly, 10/10 guaranteed)

* He’ll quietly stay besides them as they sleep the cold off, reading a book and frequently checking their temperature, placing lukewarm compresses to their forehead (only after placing a quick kiss of course)

* Hates to see his MC sick, but loves to care for them, can you see the predicament poor spicy mint is in

hi im soph and im here to remind you to get your yearly flu vaccine when possible! the yearly flu is no joke and actually kills thousands per year, so please take care of yourselves and your loved ones

-send me mystic messenger headcanons/scenarios for the characters to react to!-

[lovely-little-whumpee]

suggestion/prompt type thing: something kinda like the whump where ct is carrying whumpee to medical care but it's from whumpee's pov? when they're lucid, they feel guilty/ashamed for being unable to walk- especially as they watch ct begin to struggle under their weight. whumpee fights unconsciousness bc they know its more difficult for ct to carry them as dead weight. they despair as they realize they're blacking out on ct's back. it's hours before they wake again, and..? ^^ hope u like it!

I loved this idea and decided to do a little take on it~ 

The walk had been simple at first. Whumpee  and Caretaker just had to walk a few miles over to the next town, as said town had a doctor that would hopefully have a cure for the sickness that had plagued Whumpee for months. No one had any idea what the cause of it was. It left Whumpee feeling weak, often inducing high fevers for no rhyme or reason. Whumpee and Caretaker had finally gotten the money to pay for the doctor, who’d been known to be able to cure almost all their patients, but they hadn’t raised quite enough to pay for the journey itself. 

Caretaker fussed for nearly an entire week before they were to make their journey, causing Whumpee to laugh as they reassured the other. Finally, the day had come, and although Caretaker was still worried, Whumpee was confident that they’d be fine. They felt good. Well, as good as things were going to get until they had been cured. 

“Whumpee, seriously. I can go and ask the doctor to come back to you. I’ll only be six days up and back,” Caretaker tried to reason, causing Whumpee to simply smile.

“I’ll be fine. I need to be getting some exercise anyways.” Caretaker looked like they wanted to protest, but didn’t. They were soon on their way afterwards, making sure that they had everything that they needed. 

The first day was rather uneventful. Whumpee and Caretaker conversed quite a lot, but the entire day was mainly spent with Whumpee marveling about the things around them. It had been so long since they’d been able to freely wander outside, and wanted to make sure that they wouldn’t take the ordeal for granted. Hopefully, with the help of the doctor, they could spend every day like this. 

It was during the night that things began to go wrong. It had started off right when they and Caretaker decided to go to bed for the night, both of them satisfied with the progress they had made. After about an hour of lying down, Whumpee’s chest began to tighten, and they found that they weren’t able to breathe properly. No matter what they did, they couldn’t alleviate the pressure, causing them to stay awake the entire night. When Caretaker woke up as the sun began to rise, Whumpee panicked, not able to hide their turn for the worse. It had been their fault in the first place, pushing themselves as they had.

“Whumpee? Are you up?” Caretaker asked, rubbing the sleep from their eyes as they stood. “Whumpee?” Whumpee tried to speak, but all that came out was a slight squeak as they clutched at their chest. Suddenly, Caretaker was at their side, flipping Whumpee onto their chest so that they could get a better assessment of what was wrong. A gentle, cool hand was placed on Whumpee’s forehead, and Caretaker cursed lightly before pulling their hand back. Whumpee frowned a bit, having enjoyed the coolness on their sweltering skin. “Whumpee you’re burning up! We should go back,” Caretaker said, causing Whumpee to frown even more.

“N—No, i’m fine. We can… we can keep going,” Whumpee forced the words out, feeling slightly breathless. Caretaker gazed down at them, looking as though they were contemplating their options. “Please.” 

“...Fine. But I’m carrying you on my back,” Caretaker’s voice left no room for argument, and Whumpee knew that that was as far as they were going to get compromise wise. 

Half an hour later and they were back on the trail, Whumpee placed on Caretaker’s back. Whumpee couldn’t help but feel guiltier and guiltier with every step that Caretaker took, knowing that they and the other luggage combined would take a toll on Caretaker. “I’m sorry,” Whumpee mumbled out, but before they were able to hear Caretaker’s response, their fever forced them to sleep, the pain in their chest lessening as they did so. 

The next time they woke up, Whumpee was still on Caretaker’s back. Whumpee felt another wave of guilt washing over them, having heard about dead weight and how much more of a struggle it is to carry someone whether they be dead or unconscious. They didn’t want to be such a burden on Caretaker— couldn’t stand the fact that they were. 

“I can walk Caretaker,” They whispered out, their voice hoarse from dehydration. 

“No, you can’t. You don’t need to lie for my sake Whumpee,” Caretaker chided gently, readjusting Whumpee on their back. 

“I don’t want to force you to carry me the rest of the way because I was stupid enough to push myself too hard. It’s not fair to you.”

“You’re not forcing me to do anything. Besides, we’re more than halfway there. I can carry you the rest of the way.” Whumpee mumbled something under their breath in retaliation, and they knew that Caretaker had heard them with their close proximity, but had simply chosen to ignore it. As they continued forwards, only taking brief stops for rest or lunch, Whumpee noticed how Caretaker’s arms trembled where they held Whumpee. Whumpee knew that the exhaustion was taking its toll on Caretaker, whether they wanted to admit it out loud or not. 

With only a day to go though, Caretaker truly seemed adamant to carry Whumpee the entire way. “Caretaker, can we take a break?” Whumpee asked, making it sound like they needed it when they really knew that it was Caretaker who did. 

“Yeah sure, you thirsty?” Caretaker asked as they pulled to a stop on the trail, Caretaker carefully letting Whumpee down. Whumpee made a noise of affirmation as they dug through their belongings, taking a meager sip of water before handing the rest of Caretaker. They needed it more anyway. Caretaker seemed happy for the rest, stating that this was as good a place as any to set up camp for the night, and that they’d be at the doctor’s sometime afternoon the next day. 

Whumpee, content with this information, went to bed, as they had no appetite because of the effects of the fever. 

The next morning, they were vaguely aware that their condition had gotten worse again overnight, if the general blurriness and nausea was anything to go by. They stayed quiet about it though, even when Caretaker put Whumpee on their back, and Whumpee feared throwing up from the sudden motion. 

It seemed as though a little rest had done Caretaker some good, although the overall effect of having to carry Whumpee as well as all their supplies still seemed to weigh heavily on them. Whumpee did their best to stay awake as long as they could, despite the exhaustion threatening to pull them down. They sweat profusely, drenching their clothing as well as Caretaker’s back, and it was just another thing to feel bad about. If it weren’t for them being so sick and weak, Caretaker wouldn’t have to carry them. They should be able to make this journey without needing help. They felt angry at themselves for being so worthless. 

As they brewed in their thoughts, Whumpee was vaguely aware of the black creeping up on them. They nearly groaned aloud as they tried to fight it off, to no avail. They didn’t want to become an even bigger burden for Caretaker, but there was nothing they could do to keep awake without alerting Caretaker. A small apology once again left their lips before the black overtook them, their body sagging in Caretaker’s hold. 

[avclns]

(TAYLOR HILL, CIS FEMALE) - Have you seen AVALON LAUDER? AVA is in HER JUNIOR year. The POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR is 21 years old & is a LIBRA. People say SHE is EXUBERANT, HEADSTRONG, MANIPULATIVE and JUDGEMENTAL. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY SOCIETY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE WAS INVOLVED IN A HIT AND RUN. (B. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.

heyyyy hi 🤠 its been a MINUTE since i was in a group rp but you know how this goes hit the like if u wanna plot!!

ok, so what a girl wants (Dir. Dennie Gordon) ,,, that’s basically Avalon. kind of

coming into the world, avalon wasn’t planned by her parents. her mother was a photographer who lived in istanbul and her dad was an ivy fresh grad there on vacation. they met, fell in love for a couple of hours and nine months later avalon came into the picture

with that being said, avalon grew up in istanbul with her mother and thinks of it as her home. her dad knew about her and made an effort to see her during her childhood and in her early teens, but as she got older and his life grew busier their relationship grew to become more and more distant. she always thought the best of him though and believed that he was doing the very best with what he got, so she tried not to let her image of him skew as the visits became less frequent 

her relationship with her mother was the opposite. as she grew older, they only became closer. 

when she was nearing her senior year and it was time for her to choose which college to attend, options were slim on her moms budget and so !! pops had to pay

her dad had one condition tho: she had to finish out her HS education in the US and attend a university there

long story short bec i dont want this to get too long!!! she never wanted to leave her mom and wouldve much rather studied and stayed in Turkey but didnt want to burden her mom w college expenses so she moved to the US with her mouth sealed shut. with that came a whole lot of resentment for her dad and their relationship only became more estranged when she moved in w him, even though the whole point of it was to bring them closer 

MOVING ON here’s more on her personality:

growing up, avalon’s mom didn’t have many rules set for her so she’s mostly used to living life according to however she pleases

she loves, loves, loooves spending time out . whether it’s actually going out or scaling a mountain or going to the grocery store for no reason- she just loves being outside of the house and will go anywhere w anyone as long as she’s not sitting at home for hours at a time

since she was taught to make her own decisions at a very young age, she’s super head strong but almost to the point where it becomes irritatingly stubborn

also deep down she still feels like an outsider in the US which can translate into her being standoffish or bitchy as a defence mechanism whenever she feels uncomfortable or out of place

i think thats all i have for now!! will add more to her character as i go along. some plots i think would be interesting to play out are:

FRIENDSHIP—

attached at the hip

partner in crime

awkward family friend

fake friend—someone she thinks is genuine but really isn’t

protective friendship

practically siblings

a friend she secretly dislikes

a friend she can vent to about anything and vice versa

someone she enjoys arguing with for the sake of it

banter banter lots of banter. love to tease one another

ROMANCE—

secret friends with benefits or not so secret fwb/booty calls

flirtationship

takes his virginity away/someone’s first time

a fella who friend zoned her

someone she friend zoned

ex fling

hook up that was kept a secret for whatever reason

OTHER—

someone she corrupts

drinking buddies

smoking buddies

hit and run partner lets go

roommate

her biggest competition: another student she loves to compete with. literally everything and anything would be a competition between these two. could be on good or bad terms

[enduringsea]

( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet​ ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo  all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse  don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone  i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada  are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer 

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER... 

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

[imtryingthisout]

Sunglasses and Serenity

[a fic inspired by @nachosforfree @sanderssides-magicalgirlau check them out]

[Warnings: Descriptions of a Panic Attack]

[Pairing: Sleepxiety]

[Word Count: 2283]

——————————————————————

It was not a quiet night. The sky above was dark, the pearly stars hidden behind the neon verbosity of downtown. 24 hour shops and businesses had windows that never dimmed, pinpricks of artificial lightings blurred together creating an abstract mess of blended color.

The moon itself was distorted by the light pollution. It’s natural autumn glow paled in comparison to the vibrancy of the busy streets.

Remy both loved and hated it.

Growing up with summers spent in his family’s old Villa in Italy, secluded in a valley side miles away from the nearest approximation of a town, he had always known how the sky was darker blue than black. He and his cousins loved to climb upon the rooftop and find the stories hidden in the stars. The earth around them was quiet and peaceful, but never silent. The symphony of crickets and other night creature laid in the background of every night spent there. A distant murmuring, Tellus’s lullaby.

Moving to the city had been akin to dunking his head in a bucket of ice water and screamo pop.

Shocking, painful and utterly disorientating. But after the ringingness faded- strangely exhilarating.

Remy has thrown himself headfirst into the city’s night culture. Staying up late partying, trying all the best coffee houses, hanging around the hidden-and-not-so-hidden drag shows,gaining a reputation and a caffeine addiction along the way.

But this was not a night where he would be going out, not when everything he needed was with him.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Virgil really was a sight to be seen, his skin was pale, like the white-petaled sunflowers that grew by the valley, that seemed to glow in the moonlight. But his starkness fit in perfectly with the gleam of the industrial lights. Heterochromatic eyes, green and purple, stunning as murano glass and pulsing as strobe lights.

Achingly familiar, yet enticingly foreign. Home and longing rolled up in one boy, a boy who has stolen one of his sleep shirts for his own nefarious (adorable) use.

And who probably wanted an answer. Quick Remy, think of some witty remark to be entertaining!

“You ever notice how bright it is sometimes?”

Damn it! Guess we’re being genuine.

Virgil quirked his head to the side, giving Remy a piercing look, before nodding his head slightly . “Yeah,” he said, “Used to overstimulate the crap outta me when I was younger.” Then he paused, debating with himself over continuing- but decided to press forward. “Is that why you always wear those stupid shades?” The last words said in jest.

A surprised laugh escaped his through before he could stop it- Virgil almost reaches out to comfort him, but tensed up, too many bad memories stilled his arm.

“Girl, I’ll have you know these are designer glasses right here” he made a gesture around his face, “Iconic one of a kind Remy Hypnos Original Shades. Don’t go dissing my brand babes”

Virgil just snorted and rolled his eyes, “Uh, I’m pretty sure the designer thing on your face are those-eye bags you have hidden under there.”

“Damn right, even the bags under my eyes are Gucci”

“Oh Gods did you steal that off tumblr you sleep-deprived asshat? Oh don’t give me that look you totally did.” Virgil’s words had started off biting, but slowly devolved into a giggling mess.

(He really was just too cute for this world, Remy thought)

“Oh Ha ha, laugh it up” he snapped, ignoring his blushing cheeks and hot ears.

(Virgil could always tell how flustered Remy was by how red the tips of his ears were. A dusty pink for flirty, A warm rouge signaled embarrassment or arousal. Virgil loved watching the colors bloom on his skin. Memorizing what each shade meant- he could take any cochineal-colored paint swatch and map out Remy’s mood in the margins. It made him so easy to read, and so much fun to mess with.)

Soon the laughing and jeering subsided, and Virgil turned to look at Remy, “But seriously man, Is that why you always have those things on? Photophobia?”

“Can’t it be enough that I look rad as all Hell’s in them?”

“Not with that deflection it can’t” Virgil wasn't giving up it seemed, so Remy let out a deep sigh and gathard his words. “Remember highschool?”

“Kind of hard to forget.” High school was an absolute trainwreck for Virgil, he’d been on and off meds that screwed with his moods- making the already hormone fueled circus that was over a thousand teens trapped in one building, like a pack of sardines- even more emotionally taxing.

But if High School was a disaster for Virgil, it was absolute Hell for Remy.

Remy and his cousins had been homeschooled by their many relatives since they were children. Growing up learning in his family’s study. Rich mahogany floors, dim golden lighting bouncing off the variety of nick-nacks and treasures that line the shelves. Learning to read in his grandfather’s library, his worn and wrinkled hands guiding his young fingers along the words.

His cousin Alessia longed to go to a public school, and pleaded with her mother for ages before she relented. With the condition that she would allow her to go- but only if one of their own went with her.

So Remy, proving himself as her favorite, offered to accompany her.

The blinding smile on Alessia’s face as she squealed thank you , thank you amata cugino, favorito benedetto, was totally worth it. ‘It’s only one year’ he thought, ‘how bad could it be?’

Until he actually got there.

Virgil could think back and recall in semi-perfect clarity the day Remy Hypnos graced the halls of Sandershore High. Roman had become a central hub for gossip , and he’d heard whispers that of new transfer students, which in of itself wouldn't be news. But Hypnos was a household name, owning some of the most ridiculously pretentious Itialian Restaurants in the country. The kind people got engaged at, those levels of nice.

Needless to say when Remy and Alessia strolled into Sandershore’s gate. With perfect olive skin, rich brown hair and clothes nicer than Virgil’s single mom income could ever afford. Virgil fell in hate easily.

(The kind of hate that has him staring at him out of the corner of his eye during Calculus. Thinking about what his eyes looked under those darkened glasses. The kind of hate that wasn’t really hate)

Remy had all the perfect components to rule to school. Pretty, rich, with a startling amount of charisma and people skills for someone so unsocialized.

(Know one knew how he picked up slang so fast in an attempt to hide to slight foreign tilt that laced his words. Never knew how when he first heard someone mock Alessia’s body he punched the guy’s lights out without ever thinking. No one knew how he hadn’t had a night's sleep since school started. How fake he felt, his mannerisms esageraged and twisted to suit the liking of the student body- till he felt like a caricature rather than a person.)

By second quarter Virgil and Remy’s seeming distaste for one another had spread far and wide. They couldn’t be in the same room together without having some sort of verbal showdown. If you asked Virgil he would say that Remy was a self absorbed prick with an ego the size of Mt. Rushmore. If you asked Remy he’d say that that Virgil was a clingy mood-killer who couldn’t see past his own issues.

(Remy didn’t know how empty Virgil felt. How much the crushing weight of his own thoughts threatened to pull him down under. How his dependency on Patton was more sinister than a clingy best-friend. How sometimes his nightmares left him gasping and clawing- begging for them to come back. How his mother never really could fill the emptiness in his house. How Virgil sometimes felt like a puppet going through the motions.)

As the eye bags under their eyes grew darker and heavier, and autumn grew colder and colder. Both boys felt the pressure crushing them under its weight.

(Turns out they both used their arguments as cathartic release from the world around them.)

(Some things never change.)

It was winter when they found each other. Both on the verge of a breakdown-

(It was always too bright. There were no warm wooden floors just chilled title and harsh- fake- lights. The entire building smelled like body odor and cleaning supplies. The teachers were strangers, uncaring distant- he heard what the girls were saying about his cousin. He just felt so-)

(Empty. Hopeless. Patton was gone where did Patton go? He was lonely. And so so pathetic. He needed to get himself under control needed. Don’t be a burden- they all hate him- don’t slip up. They’re going to leave him. Everything felt so distant- drowned out by the static- he was drowning-)

Where the fate’s looking down on the two powder keg boy. A spark away from igniting. Weaving their strings together for a happenstance in counter. Or was it merely coincidence that they went to the same storage closet, to have a moment's respite.

Was it just chance that the door was automatic-locked.

“This is just great” Remy hissed under his breath, he just wanted one moment- just one! Of some cooled peace and solitude. Away from the buzzing gossip and fake friends. Away from the sensory hell outside. A little kernel of bitter anger swelled within the pit of his stomach. One moment, just one.

Then he turned to look at the other person in the room.

Remy had seen lots of sides of Virgil Anxiti, the sarcastic commenter, the horrible-yet oddly insightful- student, the debater .

(He hadn’t seen the devoted son, the caring brother, the friend who would do anything for his loved ones)

But he’d never seen him… blank.

Curled up in the corner of the closet, arms hugging his knees as they were pressed into his chest, was Virgil. Eyes dead and dulled as stone. The muscles in his face were relaxed completely- which unsettled Remy more than crying would have.

Remy wasn’t a Knight in shining armor, or even a comforting person in general- but unqualified as he may be, he couldn’t just let his favorite rival just sit there and do nothing to help.

Alessia needed physical touch when she was upset , their whole family was practically comprised of touchy people. So when one of them was sad, it was a one way ticket to hug time. Somehow Remy didn’t think that would be well received.

“Hey, babes I’m going to touch your arm- that good with you?” He didn’t reply, not that Remy thought he would- but still. So slowly, cautiously, he layed a single hand on Virgil’s arm.

The change was gradual, but noticeable. Hear bloomed under Virgil’s complexion, bringing back warmth into his skin. The glassy oversheen of his eyes subsided, and his entire posture just… relaxed. And so did Remy.

When he had gathered enough of himself, Remy guided Virgil though his breathing exercises. In and out, In and out. Hand never leaving his arm- grounding him to the world.

The door was still locked when Virgil regained his senses. “Guess we have to wait until someone notices we’re missing” Which nearly set Virgil off into another spiral. Until they rembered that technology exists. And so they used Virgil’s phone to text Logan to come and unlock it.

“He’s the only one who won’t make a big deal about us being locked in a closet together”

But there was time between then and there. Time to talk, if only to fill the awkward silence.

To talk about school.

“Girl I have no idea what they put in those ‘school provided lunches’ but they are not food.”

“What rock have you been living under? I once got food poisoning from drinking some of the milk in 6th grade- and that still wasn’t the worst thing I’ve eaten from there.”

About Friends.

“I met Patton when I was six and we’ve been best friends ever since. Dee joined in when we were all about nine and we first saw Lo’ and the twins when they started freshman year”

“I cannot honestly tell you the names of half the people who hang around me”

About Family.

“Hon you could bust down every wall in this building and still wouldn’t have enough room to put all my fam”

“It’s just been my mom, little brother and Patton since I was eight and my dad walked out. Still don’t know who I hate more for it- him or me”

If Logan took just a tad longer route to the closet- he didn’t mention it. He also didn’t mention when Remy started joining their table for lunch. Matching Roman and Remus in all their theatrics- offering to set up a ‘play date’ between some of his younger cousins and Dee’s many siblings.

(If he noticed how much happier the two were after that, how much more healthy Virgil seemed, how more secure in himself Remy acted...well that was just one more thing he didn’t mention.)

Present Day Remy took off his glasses, letting them rest gently in his hand. “My Nonna gave them to me the day before I started school. Said they would come in handy. They did of course.. they just kinda.. became more” he rubbed along the temple’s rubbery tip. Eyes focused in on the way his fingers move up and down the slender frame.

Virgil gently takes the glasses into his hand, and sets them down on the bedside table. He has to stand on his toes to reach Remy’s face, but when he does he tenderly places a hand onto his cheek, gazing into his deep brown eyes- the same shade as his espresso cups and just as rich.

And Remy melts into him. Allows himself to be led away from the window. From the bright lights and traffic noise, and into Virgil’s embrace.

[yumikan]

[Scout Story] Dance Floor (Slow Step/Epilogue) END

Make sure you read my note and about first~ ^^

-Karaoke Box-

Wataru

Well well, today was fun! We’ve played so much~☆

Eichi

Fufu. You were frolicking around a lot, Wataru. If work isn’t busy, shall we play like this again once in a while?

Wataru

Do we have such time to spare?

We’ve left “SS” in Trickstar hands, but we can’t leave those unstable kids alone, right~?

We still need to protect those children, don’t we?

Also, we’ll be occupied with overseas tour and such from now on……

Because of someone’s fault, we must bring order to the desolated sister schools of Yumenosaki Gakuen around the world[1]

Eichi

Fufu.  Sakuma-kun and Mikejima-kun[2] have at least maintained the status quo, though

I’m sure that each of them has their own limit, so I guess we must do structural reform here and there

For the future of idol industry

Wataru

Fufufu. So, you’re going around doing Annunciation and bring forth a lot of Messiah[3]

That’s our, “fine’s” role, as modern angel, right?

Eichi

Exactly. It’s going to be busier from now on, Wataru. …… Will you come along?

Wataru

Certainly. Even if you don’t force me to come along, we’ll walk close to each other…… Eichi

Please entertain me from hereon too, I’m looking forward to it from the bottom of my heart

Eichi

That’s my line, Wataru

Yuzuru

Both of you, I’m sorry for disturbing when you’re bringing about the mood like the world belong to the two of you……

However, Bocchama is singing. So, please root for him

While singing, seems like he will also perform the “original dance”. It would be great if you watch him and give proper evaluation

Eichi

Yes. Since that was our objective today, I’ll fulfill my role until the end

Wataru

Clap clap clap! Himegimi~, please shine as bright as you want☆

Tori

Y, yeah. Is it alright, though? You even tag along to karaoke……

Just a little bit more and I’ll complete the “original dance”, I want to reach a conclusion

Since long before, karaoke place has been my place to have lesson……

But today everyone is tired, right? We’re playing around a lot, after all

Eichi

Since we insert a moderate rest in between, I’m fine. I’m a bit worried about Wataru, though

Wataru

Oya oya? I wonder what you’re talking about, I’m always full of energy! Since I’m a superhuman who carry perpetual motion of dream in his heart……☆

Eichi

You don’t need to act strong in front of us. That’s a bit lonely……

This time we’re solving Tori’s worry but whenever someone have any problem, I hope you will share it to us

After all, we’re friends. It’s different to the old “fine”, where we have business-like relation

Like family, we’re a community that support each other in sickness and in health

In summertime, my stamina drop considerably and my physical condition is prone to collapse

Wataru take such me into consideration and work too hard to assist me and show as if it isn’t different than usual

Do you think that I didn’t realize?

For that means, you used up all of your energy and that’s why you, for once…… were nodding off and found out by Tori, isn’t that right?

You’re also a human. Your stamina have limit. In this world that is ruled by laws of physics, thing such as perpetual motion is just a pipe dream

You don’t need to live while producing such play where you put on airs even to your friends

Wataru

Am I perhaps being scolded right now?

Eichi

I’m just annoyed at my own worthlessness…… Because of my weak constitution, I put a burden on you

That’s just so shameful and upsetting, I’m fed up with it

Wataru

I’m doing it because I want it, you know

I’m just returning your word, but we’re a community that support and love each other. Whenever someone is losing their vigor, I…… will behave vigorously twofold

With that, “fine” can exhibit its steady output

That’s what “unit” for, isn’t it? We’re not gathering to hold each other back

I consent with it, I’m living a satisfying life. Therefore, please don’t make such face

Eichi

I’m no match for you…… I want to show off in front of my juniors for once, so don’t treat me like a kid too much

Wataru

Okay, I get it. Leaving that aside, Himegimi’s song is starting! Clap clap clap clap☆

Please do your best Himegimi~, please show us your cute side!

It’s my first time at karaoke so I’m excited……!

Eichi

Is that true? I used to avoid and pass through it, so this is my first experience too, I don’t know the proper etiquette for it……

Is it alright to use this tambourine and maracas as we please?

Wataru

Fufufu. Anzu-san seems to be well informed of it. After all, she was a normal girl until recently……

I see, so we order drink and such with this telephone?

Eichi

Hee, what a polished system. Today is my treat, sing, drink, and eat a lot

…… U~n. But somehow, the menu is full of thing that are bad for your health

Wataru

Shall we ignore the food and just sing here?

Aa but, I ardently interested in this mysterious sweet object that is like a composite of art……☆

Eichi

Eh, what’s that? It’s very interesting, show me, let me see

…… Oh, just looking at the photo make me have heartburn

Tori

♪~♪~♪

Wataru

Ah, the song has started and Himegimi start singing little by little!

Let’s do an interjection, Eichi♪

Tori

Aa no, it’s not a live, you know……

It’s okay to pay no attention and order some drinks or have idle talk. Please be carefree~♪

Ehehe. I’m happy that I can do a karaoke with member of “fine”

You always seem so gracious…… But only for today, I feel like becoming closer to everyone

Tori

Playing together, having foolish talk, and karaoke at the end…… It’s like you’re a normal high school student friend

It’s like a dream, since “fine” has always been my aspiration

Eichi

If you say things like that, it makes me feel rewarded. That’s a wonderful smile, Tori

Yuzuru

Fufu. Bocchama likes karaoke so much, after all

To become the idol, “fine”, which he aspires, there’s no suitable environment at home to practice singing and such

So, we would occasionally sneak away from the estate to sing and dance at the karaoke

This was before the equipment like karaoke room or such is arranged at home, it’s before we enter the school

It was a nice breather for Bocchama who was busy with his practice and social life

Tori

Yeah! As expected, singing and dancing is simply fun……☆

The “original dance” class, I don’t know whether I can do it well or no. Maybe I’ll fail miserably in shame and everyone will make fun of me

But this experience surely won’t be in vain. I believe that

This is what you call “feeling of want to break into dance”, I’m “fine” thank you……☆

Wataru

Ahaha. So cute…… It’s a pleasant to have someone who adores you. It’s almost makes me envious, Eichi

Eichi

Is that so. But it’s also because of you that Tori chase after me. Since I’m always yearning for you and work hard to become closer to you

That day……

I’m always worrying about whether letting go of my future where I go together with Tsumugi to karaoke as normal high school student is the right choice or no

If I would arrive in future such as this, I think I can face my former friend who I hurt and atone for it

It won’t erase my feeling of sorry or feeling of guilty, though

I will swallow it and keep moving forward. Slowly, one step at a time

Wataru

Yes. Let’s walk together, to the promising future

Playing at the park, singing at karaoke……

Let’s gather what we lost when we were young and turn it into our nourishment, then become an adult who can puffed up with pride to children of next era

Slow and steady[4], we’ll do it while having fun

Aa Eichi, this is the paradise of earth

 [1] I think it was mentioned in Element - Ash Returns to the Sky 3, yeah Wataru’s being sarcastic to Eichi XD

[2] While Rei’s deed was mentioned in Element, Madara as his successor is mentioned in Purple Wisterias of May - Chapter 8 and some other stories

[3] They use Bible reference. Annunciation describes the moment when angel Gabriel appeared and told Mary that she would bear the savior, Jesus Christ.

[4] This line “急がず焦らず” is what Kanata often said

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Shin Tsukinami (Story 06)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! I’m an amateur translator, but I hope you do enjoy it anyway!♡

Monologue

We safely escaped from the jail which got unlocked from Azusa-kun.

I want to get out of Violets mansion as soon as possible and let Shin-kun rest.

I think so, but my own body isn't in its best condition as well, I might need to take a break.

My body is without power. We also are in a situation where we don't know if someone will attack us.

It was very difficult for us, we who had finally reached our limits due to tension and fatigue.

Place: Violet mansion — Corridor

Shin: Haa... if we don’t hurry up, Carla might end up finding us.

Yui: I know...

(But, neither Shin-kun nor I can run more than we currently are...)

Shin: If we get caught, we may get killed as well this time. Aside from you, I'll be probably used up and disposed of.

Yui: ...Nn. M-Maybe

(Even though we are able to escape, I still hate the situation we are in...)

(For Carla-san to do such a thing as killing us, I can’t believe it either. After all they are brothers...)

Shin: ...Ngh!

*Shin sniffs in the air*

Shin: That is...

Yui: Shin-kun? What’s wrong?

Shin: That’s bad. This smell...

Yui: ... Eh?

Shin: This is... the smell of that man.

Yui: (That man... could it be...)

Carla: You, what are you doing here.

Yui: Carla-san... !

Carla: Azusa... he must have let you get out of the dungeon to run away.

Shin: Tch, that’s bad... ! Eve, let’s run away! We can do it as long as our bodies are still able to run

Yui: Kya... !

Shin: It might be impossible for you, but that’s the only option we have for now. We need to hide ourselves somewhere and stay there.

Yui: Y-Yes... ! I understand... ! Let’s hide for the time being!

*Shin and Yui run off*

Carla: Hmph, foolish idea.

No matter how far you run away, it is useless since I will find you anyways.

Shin: Haa... Haa...

Yui: Haa... Haa...

Shin: Come here... ! Let’s hide in this room over there.

Yui: U-Understood... !

Shin: Hurry up!

Yui: Yes...

Place: Violet mansion — unoccupied room

Shin: Haa... Haa...

Yui: Haa... Haa... we managed to escape in this room...

Shin: It will only give us a few minutes to earn some time. We’ll probably get immediately noticed here.

Yui: ...Ngh!

Shin: To hide or trying to escape, whatever we do he might catch up with us—

Shit, there is no way to find a solution in this situation!

Yui: B-But this way...

*footsteps approach*

Yui: (..... Ngh! His footsteps are getting closer)

Shin: Kch... did he already find us!? Come here. Let’s try to get down to the window as much as possible.

Yui: Y-Yes...

Shin: There might be no choice but to break the window and escape. Hold onto me then.

Yui: This is ridiculous... ! For your body to do that...

Shin: This kind of serious injury isn’t a big deal. You and I are different in the first place. Don’t put us together like that.

Yui: (Just now, I am just worried about my concerns for Shin-kun. It may be unavoidable but it can’t be helped)

... Ngh! The door of the room... !

Shin: He’s coming...

Carla: If you think you have escaped to a place, you can not be found you are certainly wrong. There is no way for you to be able to escape.

Do not resist uselessly anymore. Such thing would be meaningless.

Shin: Even if I hate to admit it, we really can’t escape from you here.

Carla: Are you sure? You are not planning on running away with Eve?

Shin: That’s right. If we’d run away, we would just get caught from you.

Carla: Stop that. Do not move your body any longer like that.

Shin: ... Ngh, ... hah? What exactly are you saying? Don’t just decide that on your own.

Yui: (It just looked like as if it’s doing alright but now... it’s as ridiculous as I thought)

Carla: Now, hand over this woman.

Shin: ...Ngh! Hand over... ? This woman, to you... ?

No... I’ll never hand her over to you. I’ll never again, give you anything that is important to me...

Carla: Hm? That is a strange thing to say...

It is okay for me if you will not hand her over. From here on, I will just take her myself.

*Carla comes closer*

Shin: ...Ngh! Stop it! Don’t come closer! Don’t get closer!!

Shin: Hn... Hn...

Yui: Shin-kun!?

(Shin-kun just transformed into his wolf form!)

Carla: What just... ?

Shin: I-I am... That’s right, this is, my true self...

Yui: Shin-kun, are you...

Shin: Shit... we don’t have time for that now.

C’mon, get on my back already! We’ll break through the window to get outside! We need to get out of here quickly!

Yui: A-Alright!

Shin: Hold into me firmly. Let’s go!!

Yui: Nh... Kyaa!!

*window breaks*

Carla: He just suddenly changed into a wolf... ? Vampires should not be able to have such an ability

Ngh... Wolf... ?

No, that is wrong. That is... surely... ngh...

That man... was he called Shin? When I met him, my heart felt somehow refreshed.

This feeling of incongruity will not disappear even after sucking Eve's blood.

Nh... this feeling... did I have a certain relationship with that man... ?

Place: Violet mansion — Outside

Shin: We got away! They might not chase us now, but we still need to keep running!

If I’ll keep running a little further, they won’t find us for sure.

Yui: Y-Yes!

(Carla-san... he was surprised as well when Shin-kun became a wolf)

(Did he forget that they as founders can turn into wolves because of his memory loss?)

(If this is the case, I hope that Carla-san's memories will return to him as soon as possible...)

Place: Outside — Riverside

Shin: Near the river... I’ve ran away quite a long time. There seems to be no one following us either.

Yui: Yes... seems as if we are save.

Shin-kun, why don’t you rest for a little for the time being now... ?

Shin: ...That’s right. I’m really tired.

*Shin turns normal*

Shin: ...Haa...

*Shin falls down*

Yui: Shin-kun!? Are you okay? Do your wounds hurt?

Shin: Could you please stop talking in such a loud tone? I just fell down because I am tired...

Yui: Ah... that’s okay, I understand...

(But, his body is full of wounds. I want to take care of him, even if it’s just a little bit...)

Shin: Hey... did you know how I was?

Yui: Eh?

Shin: While we were chased down by Carla’s selfishness self, the inside of my body suddenly got warmer—

That was when my appearance had suddenly changed itself

Yui: Ah... that was...

Shin: Did I really stand on four legs? I could see that I have a tail. My entire body was also completely covered in fur—

I looked like a wolf.

Yui: Y-Yes... you looked like one.

Shin: Just what is going on? I’m a vampire. I can’t do something as transforming into a wolf.

I mean, what exactly am I doing? Why is this—

Yui: (He is going to confuse himself like this!)

Shin-kun, calm down. There is nothing strange about that.

Shin: Why are you telling me to calm down!? There is no way that a vampire like me can turn into such a thing as a wolf!

Just who or what am I!? If I’m not a vampire, is it that in reality I am something like a monster!?

Yui: ...Ngh, something like a monster you say...

Listen... I’ve seen Shin-kun transform into a wolf so many times by now already...

Shin: Hah? You did? When...

Yui: We were living together. Yeah, before all that happened... before we met each other here.

Shin: Hah? Just what are you saying. What exactly are you talking about? I don’t get it...

Why are you so calm about this? Even though I became a wolf right in front of you.

Even that guy Carla had big eyes and seemed shocked about it...

Yui: That’s probably because I like Shin-kun exactly like that... ?

I sometimes even cuddled up in your wolf form. I liked it a lot since it was soft and fluffy.

Shin: Hah? You liked that transformation?What's even the best thing about a four-legged beast!?

I am a very proud vampire! Not a beast like that... !

Yui: Of course. Shin-kun is more proud than anyone else I know... because—

First Blood... that’s because you are a founder.

Shin: Founder... ?

Yui: That’s why you can transform into a wolf. Isn’t it true that you are a proud founder because of that?

It’s only thanks to your powers that we were saved.

Shin: That is... the power of a founder? My powers... ?

Yui: That’s right, Shin-kun is...

Choices

1) — Manipulated by a wolf (black)

2) — Carla’s brother (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— Manipulated by a wolf

Yui: You’re not a wolf yourself. You were manipulating to be one of the wolves.

Shin: Wolves... ?

Yui: Shin-kun’s familiarity. Don’t you remember... ?

Shin: I don’t know... damn. There shouldn’t be such a thing... !

— Carla’s brother ♡

Yui: Carla-san’s brother... it is only the two of you who are brothers.

Shin: Such a thing... my brother is Ruki!

That shouldn’t be... That’s not right!

end Choices

Yui: (The current memories he has in his brain are totally confusing him...)

(Shin-kun may suffer even more if I continue to talk about it. That’s horrible... I hate it)

I’m sorry, Shin-kun. It’s a strange story... you can forget it right away...

Shin: Wait... I’m not going to believe in your story, not now...

If that is true what you say, why is a human being like you trying so hard!?

Yui: That is... because I am Shin-kun’s lover.

Shin: Hah... ?

Yui: You are taking care of your family more than anyone, you respect Carla-san, who is even older than you are...

You are prouder than anyone else, I like the Shin-kun who wants to continue to live proudly.

Even if it’s true that you forgot about me... I still truly love you.

Shin: ...Love...

*strange noise*

Shin: Ngh... agh...

Yui: Ah, Shin-kun!?

Shin: I am... why is it that I... feel as if I forgot something important... ?

Shit... just a little more... ! Why is it that I can’t remember... ? What is this disturbing feeling...

Yui: Shin-kun! No, if you try to remember it too hard, you will be burdened by your spirit!!

Shin: Ngh, such a thing... I don’t know. My precious memories... I can’t do anything while they are being stolen.

Kch... give me, my precious... memories back...

I don’t want this anymore... Give them back!!

Place: Tsukinami mansion — Living room

Shin: — I am... that’s right. Haa... Haa...

...I am, a true First Blood...

Place: Tsukinami mansion — Great Hall

Shin: I’m in a proud family of founders!

Place: Outside — Riverside

Shin: Haa, Haa... ngh

Yui: Shin... kun... ?

Shin: No matter how much I despise the vampire species, I was acting as one myself...

Even my own brother believes, that he is a true vampire himself. What a terrible situation, for real...

Yui: Eh? No way... it can’t be...

Shin: It looks as if you’ve been waiting for this moment for awhile.

... Everything, I remember it all now. Also about you, Yui.

Yui: Nn... really?

Shin: Are you suspicious? That’s something I understand. But you shouldn’t be afraid of your lover, should you?

*Yui starts crying*

Yui: ...Nn

You really, ... you really remember everything about me?

I just... I...

(No, my tears won’t stop. My vision is already getting blurry...)

Shin: Sorry that I forgot.

Yui: I just...

Shin: You were with me, even though I didn’t remember you the entire time. I even said a lot of terrible things to you.

Yui: But I still wanted to be with you...

Shin: Come closer, Yui. Don’t hesitate anymore.

Yui: Shin-kun!

*Yui hugs Shin*

Shin: Ngh! For you to hug me like this... but, I’ll never let go of your hand anymore, I’ll never give you to anyone.

Yui: Yep. I don’t want to leave your side either. I want to feel your warmth like this, forever.

Shin: It’s okay. That’s why I’m here.

Because, all of you is completely mine.

*Shin hugs Yui*

Yui: Yes. That’s true... !

(For Shin-kun to hug me like this once again... I want to feel his warmth more and more... !)

Shin: Ouch

Yui: Oh, sorry!

Shin: It’s alright, it was you who started crying after all.

Yui: I was overwhelmed with joy. That’s why.

Shin: Understood...

I love you, Yui.

Yui: Yes!

(... Shin-kun. Shin-kun is back—!)

(My beloved Shin-kun, who I always wanted to meet again, is back!)

(It looks like a fire has taken place in the deepest part of my heart ...)

(I feel as if I can do my best from now on. Because he’s with me—)

[sw124]

[Lamia-Birdy-Bitty Daily life!14]

/Pro-Revenge/p3

Hello my Lamia lovers how are you all doing, good I hope...well everyone this is gonna be the finale you’ve all been waiting for. I forgot to mention in my last posts, yes I know Covid-19 is running like wildfire right now but the funeral just shy of the shutdown so no worries. Unfortunately this little update to the story happened after the outbreak, I warn you this is gonna be sad, it mentions death yet again so please those with sensitive bitties do not read it to them.

Without further a due, lets begin.

Leaving off with Rosie treating me and all my babies out to a nice dinner, it was at Ryo Coast. Got to see Juan again but sadly no Virgil, though he was excited to see my birdie boys. We had a wonderful time eating sushi, watching Juan do his spatula flipping tricks and simply enjoying each others company. Phthalo came with us too, I always love seeing him with Rosie, especially how he dotes on her.

I’m pretty sure she needed this more then me...

We got back later in the evening, I was about to turn to tell my boys to unbuckle from their seats [Rosie drove us] when Rosie took my arm and asked me to stay in the car with her. Needless to say I was confused but did as she asked, so we sat there for at least a few minutes before she started talking.

Rosie told me she wanted me to know the story between her and her sons, though she appreciated I didn’t pry into her business it was about time she told me the situation. Years ago, way before I was even a thought in the mind of my own parents Leo and Rosie started up a small grocery store for the people in their hometown. They weren’t rich, far from it in fact, they were somewhat struggling in the beginning. But Leo and Rosie were content with that, they were pretty simple people.

Their boys however were not, as years went by and they grew up the boys began resenting their parents for not giving them a better lifestyle. The two of them did their best in raising them but when those two turned 18 they just left for collage. Paid for by stealing the nest egg Rosie and Leo had used for the store, they didn’t realize it until a fire started in the store, sadly they also lived within the same building and they not only lost their business but their home as well.

The nest egg was for in case something like this happened but with it gone they had nothing to rebuild from; thank goodness for human compassion and kindness. Their community came together and helped them out, a friend of theirs bought up the property where their shop burnt down, turned it into a cafe and let them work there to earn money. After a while they saved up enough to rent a small apartment, this went on for a few years before something really changed their lives. She didn’t say what but I figured they were offered high paying jobs somewhere else and took them.

I mentioned that and she gave me a playful shrug, saying ‘you could say that’ and continued with the story. She went on about how she and Leo enjoyed their work, got plenty of money and saved it up. She then told me they bought the house near my apartment for the sake of retirement, she told me she found out where her sons had gone. They were working as executives of some random companies in California, they found out about this from some of their nieces and nephews. They married, each having two kids; all daughters and worst of all had never since told the grandkids of their existence.

At least not until recently.

None of them had any contact until recently, she told me that her son’s weren’t going to attended unless they were getting money out of it. What made her sad was they considered them to be burdens in their lives....she spared me any other details which I understood. Leo left them a little money but the rest of it went to the grand nieces and grand nephews as collage tuition for their own futures. As for the sons they just left when they got what they came for, I have to say I was pretty close to screaming in anger at that point but held it in check.

She started telling me about how a little after the fire is when she and Leo took in Phthalo and well the rest is history. I sat there in that warm car while our boys were asleep in the back, it took me a while to process this information but in the end....I took Rosie’s hand and thanked her for telling me everything.

So we sat there for a while, just...enjoying the company of one another. From time to time I’d look in the back seat at the sleeping serpents and fizzled out fouls hehe. At least I had these guys, after a little while I take my boys home.

Then the shutdown happened, everyone was stuck inside and not allowed to travel anywhere. Not a problem for me but for Rosie it was hard, she’s such a social butterfly. Thank goodness for Phthalo and my boys, they head over to hang out in her yard. Things were ok for a while but...when the shutdown ended something happened.

No Rosie didn’t contract Covid, she started getting visitors; why is it bad? These visitors were not the kind she wanted, they were her granddaughters from her two selfish sons. They showed up and started trying to shove her out of her own home, apparently the girls wanted a place of their own so they began badgering Rosie to go into a nursing home. Bless her for being strong willed, not to mention having someone to back her up secretly. I had gotten the numbers of some of her family in case something happened.

It was during one of these visits by the granddaughters that....Rosie had her accident. She fell down the stairs, instead of calling for help the girls just left her there. Phthalo came banging at my back door for my help, poor Rosie had a broken hip.

I...don’t wanna go into details but when Rosie was in the hospital for her hip she got very sick and was in critical condition. I worried not just for her but for Phthalo, I got to talk to her via FaceTime and told her if anything happened I’d take Phthalo in. [I already talked it over with my boys, they’d be ok with it if push came to shove] She told me not to worry cause she already planned to have Phthalo adopted by someone in the neighborhood, a friend of theirs whom Phthalo trusts. You have no idea what a relief that was to me.

While she was in the hospital I called Rodger and Betty, they’ve been watching the house for her. Though I was happy they were watching the house for Rosie I still was worried for her health, I called her a few times via FaceTime and so far things are going ok....

But then I got a call from Betty, Rosie had passed on during the night. I was a wreck for a good four hours, bless my boys for being there for me.

It was later...bout a month after her passing she had a funeral, overseen by Rodger and Jon. I couldn’t attend due to covid but Betty came and stayed at my apartment to mourn with me and my boys. We both needed consoling and its nice she was there for me.

It was later something happened....

After Betty and I made some lunch man in a sharp black suit came, I remembered him from Leo’s funeral. He was followed by Rodger and Jon. They all sat down in my living room, apparently this was the reading of Rosies will.

The Lawyer started with Phthalo being moved to his new home by Rodger; already done. Then the house was given to Jon who would over see its care and lastly was me, everyone was looking at me when the lawyer passed me a envelope. It was one of those lovely invitation envelopes. I opened it and pulled out a hand written letter...it read as follows. [S4 is not my name but i’m protecting my identity]

Dear, S4

I’m writing this to you because I feel this would help you understand my decision. You’ve been such a sweet neighbor to my husband and I, always bringing your sweeties to play or help us with little things. You never once asked for a reward or recognition, Leo had always saw you as a member of the family. I know you will not accept monetary gifts but I urge you to make this acceptation, a large bulk of my savings have been shared to family and donated to charity. The last bit is for you along with some other things, I want you to know my dear how happy you made me, Phthalo and my husband Leo, from the bottom of our hearts Thank you.

Sincerely

Rosie.

I look in the envelope to find a check....I won’t divulge the amount but it was more then I could have believed. I bursted into tears and nearly choked on my own sobs, I tried to make sense of it until Betty patted my back. Then told me something that threw me into a loop.

Betty: Rosie and Leo won the lottery back in the day, its what got them out of poverty. They pretended to have gotten better jobs and retired to keep the boys off their back.

Now...it made sense, everything made sense. Their house, their hobbies, an some other things. But now I was worried about the threat the boys had given me and I made that known, Rodger smiled and patted my hand. Everyone assured me that won’t happen, Rosie had disowned the boys and cut them from her will. If anything all they got left was a warehouse full of junk that Leo didn’t want.

So thats sorta the end, heh well I should mention the two sons were having financial trouble and were hoping on Rosie’s money to get them out. But since her money was gone they had gone bankrupt and lost every little dime, so if they did sue me they wouldn’t have money to pay for any lawyer. That and they had no idea their mother left me anything.

I used the money to pay for a year of rent and put the rest in savings. So everyone thats the story, revenge with a side of love.

[ For info on lamia bitties please visit @vex-bittys and for bird bitties please visit @coalition-aviary-bitty-adoption hope u enjoy]

[defdaily]

[TRANSLATION] DAZED KOREA Magazine November 2017 issue x GOT7

Translated by daisyyfields

Before I came to meet GOT7, I listened to the new album <7for 7> a few times. How about just getting rid of all the boring and conventional questions and talk about music? Seems like you guys would have a lot to say.

BB: That's good. Since we debuted we wanted to sing songs made by us individually. So everyone constantly made songs along the way but it's true that it is insufficient. But this time aside from us being satisfied, our company was satisfied as well. Personally it was an album that l'm highly satisfied with. It feels like (my) dreams came true, I'm proud and it's lovely.

JB: Although the songs that I made have made it into the album before, it's the first time we are using my song as the title song and promoting with it. It's very meaningful. Including myself, all of the members paid a lot of attention to it

JS: I think it's an album that plainly includes the worries we have as people in our 20s. We wanted to express our thankful hearts with the title song You Are' "it's so nice because you are here'.

Seems like the one album completed by the 7 songs that the GOT7 7 members' participated in has various meanings. Words like "independence'', ”self-reliance”, ”freedom'' and ”responsibility'' come to mind.

BB: I think at our age we always have thoughts about independence and self-reliance. (We) think of the time in the future when we can't do this job anymore. (I) work hard not only on music, but also on making videos and on areas related to languages. Opportunities come to those who are prepared isn't it (laughs).

JB: While preparing for this album, the pressure and responsibility was huge. It was to the extent that it's hard to express with words. When the song I made was decided as the title song the feeling reached its maximum and because of the pressure, I paid more attention and worked harder to prepare for it.

YJ: Though it is an album that reflected a lot of our opinions and thoughts, the big picture and tuning that completed it were done together with the company. Rather than feeling burdened, because we were able to do something we wanted to, it was a happy experience. I've got a lot of affection for this album.

JY: I’m not sure that if I say I didn't feel burdened, if it would sound like I have no sense of responsibility. But rather than feeling burdened, I felt more anticipation and excitement. It felt great because having a GOT7 member made song as a title song meant that we got recognition from the company and the public.

Is it an album that had no regrets and reflected everything you guys wanted to do?

JB: As a member of GOT7, what I wanted to do and what I could do, I did everything. Of course as a whole individual I was lacking and I felt regretful. But that's something that can't be helped.

If I listen to a song made by JB now, I think I'll know. There's a unique refreshing feel to it.

JB: That is true for songs made by "GOT7 JB'. But I personally prefer something darker than that and sticky. Of course both sides are in me.

Remember You' that BamBam participated in is just like BamBam. It has a strong sophisticated feel to it.

BB: My image is originally bright and lively but this song is slow and serious. The fans also thought that it was a twist. The song is about an anxious love.

Do you still like Saint Laurent recently?

BB: Hedi Slimane left (laughs). But I still like it. As presents, I received a lot of clothes from Saint Laurent on my birthday and Christmas. In my closet, I have the most Saint Laurent clothing. I like those slim styles. But l'm not sure if I have gotten lazy recently (laughs). I started liking clothes that are just comfortable. Things like baggy pants and slippers.

After learning about the melody and lyrics from the song "Firework'' that Jinyoung-ie participated in, I thought that you maybe are a dreamer.

JY: The lyries compare fireworks blowing up and the path that we are walking on. It's a song with a positive meaning that If we silently work hard, someday we'll shine'. I think of myself as a dreamer but I don't know how those around me think.

I saw you taking out a book in the fitting room just now, what book are you reading recently?

JY: I read a book called <Doll of eternal youth> I'm done reading it and I'm looking for a new book to read. ("Note this is a direct translation, the book does not have an English name.)

Your habit of reading books must influence you in some way when you are writing your lyrics.

JY: I don't think ľ'm influenced by any direct material or expressions. Though there are probably instances whereby the books that I read get reflected in the music as I'm working on it.

The song To Me that Yugyeom participated in is heard precisely like a song of someone who dances. A variety of beats and rhythm stacking up and splitting

YG: I wanted to try something new as much as possible. I used beats and a melody that aren't really used by mainstream music in Korea. It's so foreign so I thought it wouldn't be included in the album but the reaction was unexpectedly good.

Jackson, Mark and BamBam wrote Korean lyrics. They might be proficient at the Korean language, but speaking it and writing it are different things.

JS: That's right, It's not easy. For me, I don't really read books (laughs). I find and look at a lot of the lyrics from other singers.

M: There's something I would like to express but because l'm still poor at Korean so I can't express everything like my heart daes. Though it's a pity, I'm satisfied. I think that it's right to not be greedy and just express what I can right now. I can just work harder on the next album.

BB: Speech and writing is definitely different. If you write lyrics just like you are speaking, at some point it could become childish so i'm careful about that part. I listened to opinions of others nonstop while I worked (on the songs).

What about the other members? A person who writes has principles that they stick with like OCD.

JB: I try not to use repeated expressions. While working on many songs, there are times where the content of the lyrics or expressions become similar. I don't like using this expression in this song and then in another song again. All this time I liked simple and relaxed expressions but now I'm ambitious about metaphorical or poetic expressions

YJ: It's really hard to write lyrics. With the same lyrics, depending on the person or depending on the melody, it can be heard totally differently. Controlling that strength is always homework to me but first I'd have a go at it. Whether it's cringeworthy or not, I note down everything I think of and look at it.

Personally I like Youngjae's straight and clean vocals. "Moon U' goes really well with that voice.

YJ: Fan meeting "We under the moonlight, I've done it before with that as a subject. It's a song that I want to sing to the fans. I thought that all the members are like that too, but I [ended up) making my song such that I can sing it on my own from the start to the end. And because of that, naturally I made a song that matches my standard and my voice.

What do you think of your own voice?

YJ: I have never thought that my voice is pretty. So stifling (laughs). Not satisfied. Because I'm not happy with it, here are many tümes that I get annoyed.

Today I got a shock after seeing Jackson. I expected to see the image that that appeared on variety programs but you are very much serious and manly.

JS: It's interesting to appear on variety programs and I like it. But l'm not glad that only the bright and lively appearance revealed in variety remains with the public. Of course that is also the real me but I also do have lots of serious sides. Music or acting, now I wish to show that side of me.

How was an interview like today? Is it not fun because it's too serious?

GOT7: No, we liked it. Because it's not like a magazine interview so it's impressive.

JB: Of course an interview that just talks comfortably is great too but when talking about music, doing it seriously is good. For me, even though I know that l'm an idol, there were many times that I deny it on my own. It's some sort of rebellion. I think I disliked the fixed image about idols. Now I want to have both the image of a musician and an idol.

Not now but after some time passes, how would the 7 of you from GOT7 remember this album «7 for 7>?

BB: While preparing for this album, it felt like we were debuting again. To that extent it was an album that was meaningful and even as time passes I think it's an album that I will treasure preciously. Originally, the first attempt will be remembered for a long time.

JB: It'll be great if after time passes, the fans listen to this album and still think that the songs are good. Personally if I listen to it after a few years, I will see the inadequate parts. Aside from the question of whether (l'm} satisfied or not, I think that I would feel that it's a pity and like I should have done more.

M: GOT7 past songs are cool on the stage but they were not songs that could be listened to comfortably normally. But this album can be listened to in everyday life with earphones. It's good for listening while on a drive too. Personally l'm never tired of it and will probably listen to it occasionally. It's an album that I'm satisfied with.

YJ: That's right. It's the first time l'm listening to our song so many times. I'm not tired of it. I hope that it's like that for others too. A sang that's easy to listen to and (you) won't be tired of.

YG: I think I will remember it as an album with various meanings. Because for the first time with our participation, an album was made. All 7 songs aren't uncomfortable to listen to and even I keep going to them.

BB: It has not been long since we've made our comeback so we're very busy. It's hectic and tiring. So it still doesn't feel real yet, (my) condition was very good when we were working on the songs that were included in this album. Met many friends too and there were many enjoyable things. I think I'll remember those emotions back then.

JS: I think of it as GOT7 7 members' "first album. I think many memories will remain. As we grow older, I think l'l feel proud ift listen to You Are again.

JY: Second start. Another growth for GOT7.

Out of the 7 songs in <7 for 7>, there was a song 1 heard repeatedly last night. Apart from (your) shares (in the songs). don't trouble over it and quickly voice out the song that you personally treasure.

YG: ”Teenager”

YJ: "You Are”

M: Not one but two songs. "You Are”. ”Firework”

JS: “Firework”. But if you listen to it repeatedly, no matter what song is it, wouldn't you get annoyed? (laughs)

JY: "Remember you”.

JB: "Moon U” and "To Me.” What's the song you listened to repeatedly? (laughs)

Translated by daisyyfields