#the fear and the pain and sometimes losing yourself a little too much because all of what you see of yourself

[fishnapple]

CRYSTAL READING - channelled message : How to love yourself better? A request letter from yourself.

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost

Buy me a drink or book a reading with me - KO-FI (Read this post : personal reading)

1. White

Dear myself,

If I could light a fire right now, I could, just to see if that fire can compete with my light, our light. And yet I got a feeling that fire will burn brighter than us, just because it had someone to start it. But ours didn't. We stowed our fire away, our light, for fear of burning the eyes of the world? Or for fear of being engulfed in the sea of darkness outside?

Have you ever seen a solar eclipse? People gathered to watch it, a brief moment of the sun being eaten. A brief moment. Imagine how the world would be if that brief moment turned into a very long moment, an eternal one? Panic, fear, despair. We have prolonged our solar eclipse for far too long, let the Sun has its shine. Does it sound arrogant when I talk of us as the Sun? No, you should get used to it. To be the light, the be seen. Even when the Sun seems like a solitary existence on the sky, it's not, so are we.

I wanted to tell you many beautiful words, give you praises and a pat on the head. Sounds embarrassing, right? We should learn to do that more often. And then practice it with other people too, we all need it sometimes, a lot of times.

Do you know what will happen when we turn the anger on ourselves? Somehow, it will ricochet inside us and finally shoot out at other people. It's painful, for us and for them. Let's hold it in our hands, watch it breathe and stroke it gently, find where does it hurt and tend to it, then poof- it's gone. You catch anger not by throwing it around and putting it in a cage but let it heal and fly away on its own.

I'm sure that sometimes you will find yourself drowning in life, in other people's water. Losing yourself could be your worst nightmare. But you will never lose me. It's odd how we're surrounded by people but feel like we are alone in our struggle. Where did all the people go? Are they also drowning like us? In a different sea? I hope that all the seas are connected to each other so we can all find others to swim with us.

Till the next sun rise, yourself.

2. Pink

Oh, how I want to just throw away everything and run barefoot on the sand. To lie face up, watching the clouds passing by for hours. To paint the wall bright pink and yellow (this combination might hurt your eyes if you stare too long, though). But we're not a kid anymore, or so people have told us, much like how we've told ourselves, convinced ourselves to behave.

It's fascinating to watch the process of our resistance to what is taught to us. Why do we resist it so much? It feels like being gravely offended. We have our principles, and now we have to listen to others telling us what is right? What is wrong? Let me tell you, in a small whisper, it's actually nice to listen. Just listening, not obeying. It will feel like swallowing a rock. Maybe we could learn from the chickens a little, metaphorically. They swallow small rocks to aid in healthy digestion. So let's swallow some of the hard lessons.

You always like to think in concrete fashion. You try to touch your thoughts with your own hands and knead them, mould them into whatever you want. And when you're dropped into a relationship with someone, you find yourself lost that ability. It's all a jumble mess. You find your hands reaching out, grasping for something. How about the other person? Are you afraid that you will lose yourself if you hold on to them? It's fine, you won't. It's just an outdated belief that you've held on for far too long.

As we were talking about swallowing, you may want to watch what you're swallowing into your stomach, literally. Watch what you eat! Don't make yourself, ourselves suffer by bringing unhealthy things into our body. We may want to live long, you know.

Hey, if you find a dance class is too embarrassing, how about we turn off the light and dance with each other in the middle of the night. Nobody will know, but we will feel good (I'm not trying to be a flirt with myself here)

Your best friend, love.

3. Red

Make me a cup of tea, please.

Let's have a chat, just us, lying around lazily, sipping our favourite tea, imagining some weird scenarios to entertain us, playing some puzzle.

I don't have much to tell you because we talk to each other every day and I know you always try to be better for us. I love you and I'm proud of you. Let's be vain and give ourselves applause every day. Make it a pinky promise.

A reminder when you're feeling sluggish and slow, we are going to exactly where we need to be. You are guided and protected.

Keep on shining and be the little kid that runs around in the rain.

I love it when you're running wild, letting yourself, me, free, splashing colours everywhere. I just want to grab other people's hands and drag them to the dance. I love it when you're laughing, loudly, even better when you jolted others around you, oh, their surprised look, priceless.

Just be sure to take care of your body. Don't over tasking them. Work hard, play hard, but rest hard also.

Have you been thinking about going on a trip somewhere? No? Then, allow me to make a gentle request. Let me put the idea in your head. Go on, go to wherever you're thinking, there might be a surprise waiting for us, *hint: it will make our heart flutter*.

Let's make it a ritual to go on a trip every year. Let's give our mind and spirit a makeover. Dust off any tangled mess we have and prepare a space for new things to come into. I'm so excited.

It's got me thinking lately, there's this small blinking light in the back of our mind, sometimes I can see it, sometimes I can't. I want to find out what it is. It's like a signal, trying to reach us, can you feel it? Sometimes, there's this odd feeling swelling inside that you can't put your hand on and naming it. I think if we can sit still, quiet, in the dark, we could see it better. It's guiding us. To where? I got a feeling that it's somewhere deep, somewhere with a treasure, waiting for us. If we can uncover it, it will be the greatest gift that the universe has ever given us. So let's go and find it.

Love, myself.

4. Green

I have some news for you. Brace yourself for changes. They're coming, very fast, very soon. Sit yourself tight. I don't want to give spoilers, but I guess we will receive some sudden confessions or offers. What you will do with those confessions is completely your choice. You don't have to feel guilty if you don't return their feelings, my dear.

I think the way the universe is sending us this kind of surprise is telling us to reconsider our 'single' thinking mode. We have stood alone, strong and independent for so long, I think it actually makes us a little too comfortable in being alone that the thought of getting into a connection with someone can be daunting. Will we lose our freedom? What if we are dependent on them? This time, the universe is saying: 'you and your worries will not make a good journey together, break up with those worries, here, I will throw in some opportunities for you to practice '.

If you don't want romantic connection at the moment, fine, different types of connections will come. No matter what, the universe is determined to get us involved with other people. It's for our own good. I have to admit that it's hard. It's not easy to change our way of thinking and believing. So surprises will be needed.

When opportunities come, the gate is opened, we just need to receive them. Walking through the gate will feel like walking out of a confinement into the wild, lively world outside. We will be propelled into a new path that we hadn't even considered in the past. Beware of what you said in the past about how you don't want to do something, you can't imagine yourself doing something. Well, guess what, we are going to do just that, joke on us.

So, in the meantime, even if you're resisting, it's fine. Just take care of yourself, of us. Obsessive worrying can sadden our body.

Something is going away, giving space to a new energy coming in. This new energy will be softer, more loving. The harshness of the past will go away soon. Trust me.

Love, Your companion.

[angelofviscera]

on self sacrifice as love

I will mitski / love and pain (also known as vampire) edvard munch / snow and dirty rain richard siken / the kiss eva claessens / garden song phoebe bridgers / in blackwater woods mary oliver / the prodigal returns karen swenholt / rest energy marina abramović / red door julien baker / poems from an email exchange hanif abdurraqib

[justporo]

Point Break

Being with Astarion is - almost - perfect. And it is so easy to fall for him and into his arms. But the least thing you can try and do is offering to turn the tides. (NSFW)

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: Here we are yet again with something that was supposed to be like... well, not almost 2k words. But here we are. Also this is yet another instance where I inflate the smut with emotions. There are just so many... feelings to be had!

Pairing: Astarion/GN!Tav (You) Warnings: smut Wordcount: 1,9k

Astarion was on top of you, inside of you. Your skin was covered in a sheen of sweat and the air was filled with nothing but your mutual moans and gasps and Astarion’s haughtily whispered sweet little nothings. You were staring up at him, almost unable to take your eyes off him, his perfect body and face. Your eyes and your mind would always find their way back to them, to him.

That’s how it had been ever since the vampire had invited you that one night to that clearing in the forest. Continually, you had met up in the nights, talked some, started kissing, gotten naked - and then you had lost yourself in his arms, under his touches repeatedly.

It was so easy and so good, you nearly didn't have to think about it - almost completely perfect.

Now, he had your hands pinned to the ground next to your head, his hips rolling and thrusting into you at an even pace, slowly making you descend further into the depth of your own lust and seemingly unending pleasure. He’d been your reliant guide in this from the very first moment on. With him you had spiralled down while he'd shown you truths about yourself you hadn't ever dreamt of. And this far you had always come back up again, luckily.

You held his heated gaze that sent slow shivers of blazing hot fever over and through you. Only when the pleasure became almost too much to bear you let your head fall back and your eyes roll into your skull - focusing solely on the sensation of being with Astarion. It filled every corner of your mind.

No one could ever compare to him. Every fantasy or expectation you might have had in your life was outdone by a margin. He was consummate in any kind of way imaginable: face and body looking like they were lovingly crafted by the most generous of gods, his touches and kisses each masterfully executed, second to none. He had exactly figured out what made you lose your mind, arch your back in heedless pleasure time and again. What made you moan and scream his name as if it was the last breath you were able to take and your only wish was to use it to utter his name a final time.

It was so easy to return to this - intoxicating, addicting. How could you resist?

And so you came whenever he called - no questions asked.

And yet it had slowly changed, it was more than what could be seen at a single glance. Not merely quickly disappearing ripples on an otherwise calm water surface. Things were stirring in the depths and would come up for a break at some point, you were sure of it.

Even when you weren’t with Astarion now, thoughts about him kept turning around in your mind. It had become more intense, the height your heart jumped whenever he smirked at you becoming ever higher. He was slowly invading your heart and soul, along with the body he had already laid claim upon.

But still there were these moments, when it felt off. Something lurking just at the edge of your sight, something not quite right. Because there were these bits and pieces he slowly let fall from his armour, showing some of the pain and the fear beneath. Sometimes he couldn’t hold your gaze, even though insisting elaborately that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in those moments. But you slowly recognised that as the lie it was.

It made your chest clench and ache, filling it with the wish of freeing Astarion from whatever it was that had forced him to raise up those thick castle walls all around him.

The vampire kept moving, crushing his hips into yours and you felt him hit deep inside of you. Your hands were clenching his as you were all ready to let him push you off the edge again - and again and again and again.

You could just keep going like this. Let him lure you back to him, time and again. But then - where would this lead?

You could take what it was he had to offer without ever questioning what it cost. But was this really what you wanted?

Your heart already knew the answer.

“Astarion”, you gasped near breathless. With lips parted, taking heavy breaths, you looked at him pleadingly. You softly wiggled your fingers, asking him to free your hands from his grasp.

Immediately he stopped moving.

His chest was heaving, he was buried deep inside of you. He held you, body and mind.

His mask had dropped.

Gone was the master seducer, the dark, promising gaze, the sultry demeanour. Left in its place was sudden worry and fear.

Astarion’s eyebrows were raised in question, red eyes round in the silvery moonlight casting your bodies and faces in pale, cold light. He looked so young all of a sudden.

The vampire slowly let go of your hands and lifted himself up and further away from you. Your bodies were still impossibly close but yet it felt like there were leagues between you in this moment, even when that hadn’t been your intention at all.

He swallowed heavily but he didn’t dare speak. Just in these short moments you saw how panic almost overtook him. So you moved quickly - to get your point across and break the unbearable tension.

You cupped his face softly in your hands and nudged him until at least a fraction of his tension eased and he leaned towards you. Your fingers wandered lightly over his face, over his cheekbones, his brows as you leaned your head to one side, admiring him fully, in awe of him.

His eyes were still on yours, unsure of what was about to happen.

And then you closed the distance and kissed him, hoping to convey what you might never be able to put into words. Your lips covering his with feather-light touches, merely asking, suggesting.

You kissed him slowly and lovingly, allowing him to decide if that was what he wanted or not. And when he softly answered your kiss, carefully and still hesitantly taking you up on the offer, a small gasp left your open lips. Your hands slowly but decidedly wandered further: one tangling in his luscious curls, the other softly caressing one of his pointy ears.

And Astarion answered you with a moan, wandering from his mouth to yours. Different from the others, the ones you were used to: surprised, but pleasantly. You let him deepen the kiss then.

Arching your back when need rolled over you again, you tried to close the gap between your bodies. Desperate to feel every inch of his skin on yours with no space in between. And also offering up what he might take if only he wanted to. Meanwhile you were still acutely aware of how he felt inside of you as you kept dancing on the edge.

He groaned in response and was leaning back into you now, lowering himself on one of his elbows while his free hand came to touch your face while he lowered his body almost fully onto you.

The feeling of him accepting, embracing sent a new rush through you.

You clenched your core around him, giving more. You wanted to give him everything - he needed only to reach out and take it.

This was about much more than just physical pleasure now. You desperately needed him to know that he may take from you whatever he desired. That you wanted him to indulge in you, to be the one falling for once - if that was what he wanted. The need to fully embrace him and never let go of him again burned in your chest and your whole body. You’d offer up all of yourself if that was what it took.

He was melting into your touch while his body seemed consumed by a different kind of tension now. He seemed willing and eager now to take his chances and grasp what fell into his hands.

His fingers grabbed your hair, gently pulling on the strands curled around his fingers. Meanwhile the kiss never broke. It became more heated by the second.The air was filled with your gasps and moans again - but it had changed. Waves were rising up from the depths.

And then he started to move once more.

Withdrawing from you achingly slow at first and then thrusting into you again. Rolling his hips and slamming them into you so hard, just once, made your eyes roll back almost fully into your skull. You moaned, nearly whimpered into his wide open mouth.

“What are you doing?”, he asked quickly and almost completely out of breath, only tearing his mouth from yours because he had to know.

His hips slowly kept moving though. His body already knowing what he had agreed upon while his mind was still catching up.

“Offering you everything”, you replied weakly while you let one of your hands wander down his back. Feeling the gruesome ridges there, but not lingering, dragging your fingertips over his skin, hoping to just leave trails of heat on his skin - hot and pleasant, not cruel, only painful to the point of pleasure. You lifted your legs, pressing one against his side to hold him even closer. And with the other letting your foot softly wander over the back of his calf. Both your thighs squeezing deliciously around his slender hips.

A shiver ran through him and a curt gasp left his throat.

But there wasn’t fear in his gaze anymore. His eyes were ablaze. And in a way you hadn’t seen before in him.

“Letting you pick”, you then continued while he thrust into you again and your body bowed to him, still willing to give more.

His hips kept moving, starting a much rougher and less steady rhythm - in fact his whole body was now trying to get more purchase, knees and feet burying into the ground.

Maybe you’d never see and feel him like this again. But if you could offer him this moment in time, you would happily do it.

“Take only what you want, leave the rest”, you finished and then had to let your head loll back as far as Astarion’s fingers in your hair allowed when the next of his movements brought you to the very edge of sanity.

This wasn’t the clean performance anymore the night had started with. It wasn’t perfect and immaculately exercised, trained a thousand times. But perfect wasn’t what was needed right now. It needed to be real and open.

It didn’t take either of you long before you were both finally swept away. Only a few more thrusts and your fingers sneakily wandering between your bodies while Astarion was now trailing open-mouthed kisses down your neck and chest, and you were both taken away by waves way bigger than either of you had anticipated. Pledges were made under both your heavy breaths. Hands clawed at skin and into hair, desperately trying to get closer yet. To hold onto each other while you got dragged onto the open sea.

And it was raw, rough around the edges, and deep, much deeper than you had imagined. And maybe it was unsure, unfamiliar; maybe even terrifying.

But it wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t wrong at all.

Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess

[originallandlockedmariner]

I’m nothing special.

I’m just flawed and weak as the next person. I let my emotions get the best of me at times. I’m not perfect. I read old messages looking for clues. I listen to old playlists of sad songs when I’m sad. I swear too much. Drink too much. I can be selfish and impatient. I’m a sarcastic asshole for alarmingly long periods of the day. I regret choices I’ve made, words I’ve said in anger, people I’ve let down. I’m no role model. Wow, there’s an understatement. But every day I own my shit. I’m accountable and humble. Every day, I try to just be a little bit better than yesterday. Becoming who you are is a life long journey, baby step after setback after stumble after lesson learned. Forever forward. Green and growing as they say.

I wake up and look at those four framed sentences. “Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t make assumptions. Always do your best.” Simple and yet powerful.

Every day, I’m trying to see things differently. Gain perspective. Embrace not taking every single thing personally. Getting cut off in traffic, not personal. Waiting forever in line for coffee, not personal. It is an uphill climb getting comfortable with the concept that nothing others’ do is directly because of you or to upset you. People do what they do because of themselves. That’s it. Even when they treat you awfully or take you for granted, it has more to do with what’s going on with them than you. *insert lecture about Attribution Error.

As for assumptions, I kinda have a PhD in that field. Never met a situation, never had a conversation, never waited for a text, that I couldn’t attach an assumption to. Assumptions are generally born from misunderstanding and a fear of asking questions. Fear of what might be said. We lack courage to inquire so instead we stand back and fill the void with the worst. Draw from our past pain and create a narrative. I’m trying to break that cycle. Ask more questions. Communicate. Be clear and upfront. I can no longer assume others know what I mean or want and then get upset when they don’t act accordingly. It’s unfair to them and only serves to hurt me in the process.

I’m making integrity part of my daily practice. Speaking with integrity. Actions with integrity. And above all, avoiding the trappings of believing my own landslide of bullshit, being my own worst enemy, and justifying every blunder. Be better. Sidestep gossip and small talk. Apologize when you hurt someone. Accept that you’ll be wrong sometimes. Or in my case, a lot. Do what you say you’ll do. Character isn’t built upon what you said you’d do, but what you rolled up your sleeves and actually did.

As for always doing my best, I’m still figuring out what that animal looks like. I strive to be helpful, but sometimes when you’re always available, they take you for granted, not because they are selfish or unkind, but because they think you’ll always stay. Let them miss you for a while. This goes against everything I am but makes sense. I’ve also learned that there is no shame in being broken and anxious and sad. Be whatever you are right now. No need to make excuses or try to minimize the hurt, deny the confusion. You cannot learn about yourself if at first you aren’t frustrated and confused, the hard questions are born from this. You cannot heal without first being damaged. So be broken and anxious and sad. Cope however you need to; as long as you need to, for there is no instruction manual for this, we all make it up as we go along. Day by day and more often, minute by minute. So as for my best, I guess it is just knowing that when I put my head on the pillow, I gave all that I could, was kinder than I needed to be, inspired a few, and made sure the garage door is closed.

I’m nothing special. But I didn’t lose my shit on the drive into work, didn’t assume sporadic texts were anything but a busy day, and a couple people told me that they are grateful for me - so I’m gonna just go ahead and chalk today up as a win.

@originallandlockedmariner

[plutoccult]

THE WAY THINGS GO

pairing: jean kirstein x female reader

description: when your best friend jean finally got the girl of his dreams, your friendship soon faded into oblivion. as you reflect on what could’ve been, you figured it’s just the way things go.

word count: 2.1k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: fear not, people, i have returned to writing for my man. i believe the last thing i wrote for jean was my love mine all mine, and i’m sorry for neglecting him for so long! i didn’t want my account to just be a jean account and really wanted to be able to have people come to my blog for other characters, so i hyper focused on literally anyone else but him for AWHILE. but now i’m back for my man. also trying something i’ve seen other blogs do and have a couple songs that fit the one shot linked below, so if you enjoy that, please tell me because i would love to keep it going! and big thanks to @intorder for beta reading. love you twin 🫶

soundtrack: the way things go, promise

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @femme-lune @jeanboyjean @cowgirlikets @okkoiktoru @todorokiskitten

taglist form here

all you ever wanted was for jean to be happy. even when it destroyed you inside as you aided him in his quest to woo mikasa ackerman, you figured that if it made him happy, then that’s all that should matter.

there was no point in dwelling about your pathetic feelings, he only ever saw you as a friend for all these years. you’d rather be friends than not be in his life at all, but when jean finally succeeded in his years long mission for the girl of his dreams, you didn’t think it would mean your friendship would fade with time. it hurt to simply just be friends, but it hurt even worse when it all turned into being nothing.

you found yourself pulling away from your mutual friends as a result, which hurt just as much as losing your best friend. you knew they would stick with him before they’d ever stick with you. they’d known him longer, after all. you felt as if you had to completely reinvent your life in the wake of jean’s absence. as much as you told yourself that change was okay and that you were happy with it, you continued to be haunted by the what if’s and what could’ve been.

there were always times where you thought about telling jean the truth before he finally landed a girlfriend, but the thought of rejection and losing him as a result plagued you to the very core. turns out there was no need to worry as he disappeared from your life anyway. sometimes you wondered if he ever thought about you. you knew you thought about jean plenty, but you had always placed him on the highest pedestal in the past.

his name felt foreign on your tongue now. whenever one of your friends brought jean up these days, you couldn’t find yourself able to say his name. you couldn’t even remember how to pronounce his last name. maybe it wouldn’t be this way had he thrown your friendship away, you liked to think.

you loved the scenario of jean showing up at your door one day and apologizing for everything, but that was merely a silly hope in your brain for a while. as the time spent without him in your life grew larger, you thought about such a preposterous idea less and less. with time, jean began to feel like a distant memory, and the pain hurt a little less.

your life became easier when you didn’t think about him. you found it funny how much lighter you felt when you didn’t feel the weight of unrequited love on your shoulders. you used to think of it as the size of a chip, but when you came to your senses, you realized you had been carrying a boulder. god knows how you managed to do it for so long.

it felt weird trying to pursue other men. you were thankful to have supportive friends who wanted the best for you, but didn’t want to push you too much if you weren’t ready for anything. regardless of that, you knew the only way you could be remotely ready is if you dove in head first. if you dipped your toes in the pool, you knew you’d shy away and run off. diving straight underwater felt easier.

even if you gave the dating scene a try, it wasn’t perfect, but at least you were living your life without the shackles of your feelings for jean chained to your ankles. besides, you had new stories to laugh about with your friends rather than you down in the dumps during your times with your girl friends. you were unrecognizable now, inside and out.

walking past certain places didn’t phase you like they used to. although, you find it funny now when you look back on how much strength it took for you to return to your favorite coffee shop. after depriving yourself of it for so long, you almost forgot how delicious it tasted, so at least there was that to be thankful for.

despite all the progress you’ve made, it turned out to be as easy as flicking a light switch to feel like your old self sometimes. from certain songs to inside jokes only you’d understand, it was quick for all those memories to come rushing back. but those reminders only helped you remember why you were in the position you were now.

however, one night on your way to the bus stop, you froze when you saw what looked like a familiar figure across the road. you stared at him for what felt like forever to figure out if it was exactly who you were thinking of, but when he walked across the crosswalk, it turned out to just be a random person. you were thankful it wasn’t actually jean. you wouldn’t know what to say to him after all this time anyway.

you quickly shook it off before continuing your walk. you wouldn’t let a stranger who happened to slightly resemble jean bother you that much. it would be silly after all this time. he shouldn’t matter to you anymore.

you sat down on the bench waiting for your bus to arrive. the wait felt like torture this time for some reason, and you couldn’t figure out why. it was the same bus stop you always waited at, around the same time each day you got off work, so why did this new feeling brew up inside of you?

“y/n?” oh. there’s why.

“jean.” you manage to speak, a lump you can’t seem to swallow forming in your throat.

there he stood. he looked just the same as when you last saw him. it wasn’t a surprise he kept up with the mullet look after all this time. it was your idea, actually. you told him girls liked it more when guys had hair that wasn’t too short or too long, just long enough to run their fingers through. it was a miracle he listened, really. you didn’t think the hairstyle change could make him look any more heavenly, but it did that times a million.

you find yourself unable to say anything else. do you ask how he is? is he still with mikasa? any wild changes in his life? there was so much you could say, but so much you couldn’t. there was no right way to go about it.

“it’s been a while, huh?” jean questioned, forcing a chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck. six months, three weeks, and five days, to be exact. you were so close to reaching that seven month mark. curse him for popping back up like this.

“indeed.” you reply as you look away. if you looked into his eyes for even a second, you swore you’d fold over. why did you still feel like this after all this time?

“how are you?” he asked. jean noticed you were avoiding his gaze. he knew it was his fault things were this way. “i won’t bite or anything, you know. horse bites hurt worse than stepping on a lego.”

you can’t help but laugh. curse him. that was funny, you have to give him that. you look up and see jean smiling, unbeknownst to you from the sound of your giggles. maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to have a quick catch up before your bus arrives.

“doing pretty good.” you say, shockingly not a total lie. past you would’ve said you were fine while screaming your head off on the inside. now, it was mostly calm and quiet in your mind.

“how’s mikasa?” you ask him. even if you felt good on the inside, you couldn’t help but address the elephant in the room. you had to know. otherwise, you’d still wonder from time to time.

“oh, um…” jean stumbled over his words. you raise an eyebrow. “we broke up. she kinda… dumped me.”

oh. dare you say victory? no, no. that was wrong. you can’t find the slightest bit of joy in this. you did want jean to be happy, even when it used to turn you inside out over and over. but back then you always had that borderline sinister part of you that wished he’d fumble. now it seemed like he did, but you had to know why.

“why’s that?” you question. “i thought it would’ve finally worked out.”

“i was pretty much just a placeholder.” he shrugged. “she didn’t really like, like me.”

you knew exactly what he meant. “eren?”

“yeah.” jean let out a sigh.

it was no secret mikasa was practically obsessed with eren since they were kids. everyone that knew her long enough thought she had grown out of it, especially since she got with jean, but now you know that wasn’t the case. she was simply waiting for eren to come to his senses.

you always waited for jean to come to his senses, but is that wait even worth it? is it worth finally getting what you want in the end despite all that turmoil? you wonder if mikasa finally felt that satisfaction you used to crave, or did she end up feeling a little dead inside after all that waiting? you realize now it’s not worth waiting for someone to realize you’re worth loving despite being there right in front of them for so long. you knew better now.

“well, i guess that’s just the way things go.” you look away. life had its way of being a comedian, you thought, but that’s okay. everything seems to happen for a reason.

“yeah, guess so.” jean frowned. seeing you now, he had finally come to his senses, but he was far too late. now jean would be willing to just be your friend again if it meant you were simply there. funny how things change.

“well.” you shrug, looking away as you spotted your bus down the road at a stoplight. just one more minute, you hoped. “my bus is about to show up.”

as the engine of your bus roared towards your stop, jean desperately tried to get one last word out of you while you were collecting your things. “wait!”

“hm?” you sling your bag over your shoulder. you weren’t sure what he could possibly say, but you hoped it was a goodbye. who knows if you’ll ever see jean again? as harsh as it seemed, you didn’t know if you wanted this to reoccur, if you were being completely honest.

“i just…” he paused. “maybe we could grab some coffee—”

“no.” you interrupt him. past you would have never cut him off like this, but you were that girl anymore. you felt pretty satisfied now, no more what if’s haunting you. this felt like good closure to your former self, a person you never ever wanted to revisit. you hated who you were back then.

“it’s a really bad idea if we do that.” you say as jean couldn’t seem to find any words to say right away after you shut him down with a no so quickly.

“yeah, i get it.” jean sighed. he knew he had countless chances, all run dry a long time ago.

finally, your bus was here. there was nothing else to say other than goodbye now. you didn’t feel any regrets anymore. if this were the last time you ever saw jean, you didn’t think you’d be all to upset about it. even if you never truly confessed to jean how you used to feel, there was no point now. you didn’t need to. besides, you assumed someone had to have told him anyway. you guessed that’s the only reason why he tried asking you out for coffee, knowing how much you liked him. it was a good thing you didn’t feel the same anymore.

“bye, jean.” you say before stepping onto the bus. “it was nice catching up.”

“ditto.” he forced a smile. jean waved you goodbye, you waving through the window by your seat.

as much as it would be nice to try a friendship with jean again, you didn’t want to risk falling back into your old habits. you liked who you were now, and you don’t think jean fit that picture. if there were ever room for him, maybe you could try, but for now you were saying no.

you realize now that your world didn’t end the day jean faded out of your life, just like your world didn’t end the day you got an f on a test, or even the day your favorite band member left the group. it all seemed like the end-all, be-all back then, but now you know it was just the ways things go.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[zileans-big-cl0ck]

Hi! hope you are having a nice day :D

Can you please do Jhin x gn! reader headcanons! SFW and NSFW if you want. Please i´m lacking Jhin content :,)

Thank you! Take care <3

✦–Random Jhin headcanons.✦ SFW & NSFW

✦I will definitely not let the League fandom suffer from the lack of Jhin content!

✧ prompt: ✧ totally random headcanons that just appeared to be in my head, because I tend to think about League of Legends hot champions TOO MUCH.

✧ champions: ✧ Jhin, the Virtuoso.

✧ reader: ✧ gender neutral.

✧ author’s note: ✧ As I stated, I will definitely NOT let the League fandom suffer from the lack of Jhin content, even if this means I have to actually WRITE something AND share this. I’m a 300k+ Maestry Jhin main by the way, from the times I actually used to main adc. A very painful backstory, as you see. (As always, please ignore any mistakes. Let’s say I’m tired.)

masterlist

✦SFW:

First of all, you are Jhin’s muse. You are his everything. His inspiration, his devotion, his deepest desire.

That’s the first reason why must you be protected at all costs, kept safely in his mansion. The word ’jealous’ is not worthy of his exquisite person, therefore he prefers being claimed as protective - he is obsessed with you.

It is somewhat between the thrill of keeping his precious muse close to himself (always skulking, always taking care of them) and the repugnant fear of losing them.

You are aware of his perfectionism, but it does not mean that you always have to be on the alert, be the best of yourself, always present your virtues - for Jhin, you are the definition of perfection, you embody the word of ideal creation. He claims you as the noblest person in the world, despite your free opinion on yourself that can sometimes let you down.

Jhin would never let you think of yourself as unworthy of his love, unworthy of life, unworthy of your body (if you ever even caught a glimpse of that feelings).

He cherishes it, your body, and wants you to see yourself in the same light as he does.

Because Jhin is well aware of the fact, that he is the only one who can gaze at you admiringly and see the whole concept of your person, most true and undisputed. He would never be mistaken if it comest to you, to your goregous person, the one he worships and adores.

So Jhin is a romantic lover. He sees no world beside you, no colors and no inspiration. It wasn’t a long time after he realized that his surrounding becomes dull and monochromatic whenever he finds himself missing you.

✦NSFW:

Body worshipping is not like a thing he enjoys, as an artist, a virtuoso, a connoisseur - he thinks it is crutial, obvious. He treats your bodies like an artwork, a composition of two perfectly fitting sculptures.

I would call him a soft dom, though sex itself is a way to express himself for Jhin. In the end, trivial human desires are nothing in the face of performance.

The moment with him is always intimate; I think he would be against any kind of public sex, taking the risk of being caught as aggravating.

But he enjoys gun play. Whisper is a fundamental part of his life, though it is only a weapon- no, not even a weapon. A tool destined to paint his canvas. It has to touch you and you must shiver from the cold feeling of metal against your skin.

I don’t think Jhin is a rough type either. Eventually, he is a sensual lover, placing a great impact in foreplay and the scene around you, so it can be perfect and remain undisturbed.

He appreciates you being needy, though. Jhin finds it amusing to see you squirming for him, maybe even begging. You can always take advantage of his soft spot for you and those little sounds you make.

He is very talkative during sex. Moreover, it is not only teasing, but also reassuring words and sweet promises.

And he is a man of word. You can await him fulffiling every of these dark whispers, sooner or later.

[lauriegraham01]

40s!headcannons - steve & bucky

pairings: steve rogers x reader, bucky barnes x reader

summary: headcannons of steve and bucky from the 40s.

w/c: 645

content warning: minor angst, mentions of domestic/child abuse, fluff, mention of smoking/drinking.

Steve Rogers

Steve always being shy to show affection, for fear of rejection. So whenever you initiate acts of affection, he goes red and his heart does somersaults.

He doesn't like to talk about his dad much, it still hurts to think about the abuse he and his mom faced because of him.

But he sometimes misses the way his dad was before the abuse started but he feels wrong for missing someone who caused so much pain.

Steve first learned how to draw from recreating the human anatomy because he had a curiosity for medicine, taking after his mother who was a nurse.

Steve learned how to do everything around the house- cooking, cleaning, hell he even knew how to sew. His mother had instilled the importance of knowing how to take care of yourself within him at a young age.

Coming from Irish-Catholics, he and his mother would attend mass frequently.

Steve loved midnight Christmas mass the most.

Loved reading and saving up to buy new books and comics.

Was the type of kid to hide underneath the covers with a flashlight just so that he could read late at night.

He memorized the entire subway system at one point.

His favorite places to take you on dates would be parks and record shops.

Textbook definition of a gentleman, would open every door for you, walk closest to the street, give you his jacket if your cold, and drop you off at your doorstep after a date.

After the serum, he still wasn't used to his new body so he would still accidently buy clothes that were too small.

Steve wrote to you and told you everything about what he was doing while away.

This man would lose his mind every time you sent him a photo of yourself in your letters.

Worshipped the ground you walked on and treats you nothing short of a queen.

He was afraid that his inexperience would be an issue and after reassuring him that it wasn't he fell even deeper in love with you.

Needless to say Steve loved learning new things with you ;)

Bucky Barnes

Bucky was openly affectionate and it often meant that you would get dirty look from girls who had a crush on him because they were jealous that Bucky was paying to attention to you.

Bucky is Jewish (especially considering that his character is based on another Jewish character/has Jewish influences)

He would invite Steve over for Seder dinners every year.

Bucky cannot cook to save his life, his role in the kitchen often being helping cut veggies or wash dishes.

Bucky was a naturally loud person seeing as he lived with four sisters and had an all around loud household/family.

Bucky picked up street-boxing when he was 13.

Steve hated this. Often having to be the one to patch up Bucky after a nasty fight.

Bucky could understand and even speak a little bit of Spanish, learning from friends and from girls he'd dated before.

Bucky would sneak up the fire escape to be able to knock on your window and see you late at night.

Bucky smokes, but never around you or Steve out of respect.

He is a sappy drunk. He will go on and on about how much he loves you and how beautiful you are.

He can handle his liquor.

He loved going dancing with you- especially at jazz clubs.

An absolute sucker for rhythm and blues.

He knew that he wanted to marry you, but he wanted to wait until after the war to get married.

He had the ring picked and locked away.

He kept a picture of you tucked away in his coat pocket, admiring the picture everyday while overseas.

He wrote to you often, asking about how things were back home. Your responses giving him hope that this war would end soon and he's come back home to you.

[maochira]

Idk if you're taking requests but can you do itoshi bro's bf jealousy hc's

Thank you very much❤❤

My requests are always open! Masterlist and my upcoming Blue Lock writing event

Tags: gn!reader, established relationship (Rin and Sae headcanons are separately), I GET TO WRITE MORE ITOSHI HURT/COMFORT LETS FUCKING GOOOO, I got a bit carried away and wrote scenarios instead of headcanons whoops

Rin

I imagine Rin internalizes his jealousy a lot. He doesn't tell you anything about how he hates how close that one specific friend of yours gets sometimes, he doesn't tell you how he hates it when that other specific person tries to ruin your date night plans all the time, he doesn't tell you how he hates the way people look at you sometimes and- He doesn't tell you how afraid he is of losing you. And maybe it's that fear that keeps him away from telling you about those things that make him so jealous. And by internalizing this jealousy, Rin starts getting mean towards your friends. Not just the ones he dislikes, he's mean towards all of them. And it bothers you a lot. When you talk to him about it, he keeps looking for excuses. He's literally telling you ANYTHING but the reason he truly acts this way. You know he's not telling you the truth, and when you try to get it out of him, the entire thing turns into an argument. You've had disagreements in the past, but it's never turned into something so serious. You even end up yelling at each other. But when Rin yells "I just don't want to lose you!" you suddenly freeze. And now you feel guilty for not knowing he was so afraid of that, so you start apologizing. But then Rin feels even more guilty, he starts apologizing and tells you how you're not the one who has to apologize, since he was the one who kept all of that away from you. The two of you end up cuddling in your bed while Rin finally properly talks about his feelings.

Sae

At first, Sae wasn't super open about communicating any negative feelings in the relationship, but that improved into the first few months of you two dating. So now he communicates everything pretty well, even his jealousy. At first, he hated telling you when anything made him jealous, but he learned it's something to communicate. But him communicating it doesn't necessarily mean he's good at dealing with the feelings and thoughts his jealousy causes. Plus, he always feels bad about the things he gets jealous of. He thinks he makes too much of a deal out of them. But you always validate his feelings, even when they seem irrational. Because irrational feelings are still feelings! Although you must admit to yourself, Sae getting jealous of you spending time with your friends when he's travelling for matches can be a little complicated to deal with, occasionally. You know it's because he misses you and he would love to spend time with you right now, but at the same time, they're your friends who you love spending time with, and they distract you from the pain of missing Sae. Really, that part of his jealousy is the only that you ever struggle to deal with, but so does he. He hates how he gets jealous over something like this, because he knows he should be happy about knowing you're having fun with your lovely friends. It's just, he would much rather be the person to spend time with you right now.

[kingdaddydaichi]

☆ title: redefining (ch. 11) | ( ch. 10 ) ☆ ( ch. 12 - wip )

☆ pairing: cop!daichi sawamura x single mom!reader

☆ wc: 2.5k

☆ synopsis: four years after leaving your toxic ex, you find yourself a single mom to a 11-year-old boy named musubi, who harbors a lot of misdirected anger. you hear from his fifth grade teacher, mr. suga, more often than your own mother and a resulting friendship is born. meeting suga’s best friend wages a war between your head and your heart - one that challenges everything you think you know about love and police officers. neither are to be trusted. both have left you lost and scared when you needed them the most. so, when a cop comes knocking at love’s door, just how strong is your resolve to keep your heart under lock and key?

☆ warnings/notes: sfw. cop!daichi. mutual pining. angst. domestic disturbance. fear. idk like, the way daichi talks to subi might come across as patriarchal? but it's the way i feel like daichi would speak to him under the specific circumstances, how he knew he would get through to him. i am deeply sorry for the massive real-life time gap between chapters //sob. but i'm committed to finishing this series. my love for daichi and this story is settled deep inside my bones. I'M BACK BITCHES /aff 🫶🏼

she's falling in love now losing control now fighting the truth trying to hide but i think it's alright, girl yeah i think it's alright, girl

losin control - russ

Life can be a rip-roaring bitch sometimes, y'know?

The first week or so after your fallout with Daichi had been relatively easy. The fact that you were still angry at him helped a lot more than you'd have liked to admit. The battle to get him off your mind was constant, but all you had to do was remember the way his eyebrows angled inward when he yelled at you. You’d never seen him like that before and it had scared you, triggering your fight or flight response on top of the heart-wrenching pain of seeing him being a little too friendly with his ex.

But what you kept pushing down with all of your might was the fact that daichi was right. He had called you on everything you’d worked so hard to hide from him. The fact that he’d seen you so clearly scared you more than the look in his eyes when he raised his voice at you. He had been angry, yes. But a lot of hurt had weaved its way into his words as well.

Halfway through the second week, however, things started to go downhill. You found yourself reaching for your phone a couple of times to tell Daichi about something ridiculous or funny that had happened only for your fingers to stop short as your heart sank.

Oh. right. I'm not supposed to do that anymore.

You’d even tried venting to Suga about Daichi in hopes that he would validate you, but he wasn’t as sympathetic towards your plight as you would’ve liked: “But isn’t this what you wanted?” he'd said. “You’ve been saying that whatever the hell was going on between you two had an expiration date…” “You’re right. It’s probably better this way so you and Daichi can each find the people you wanna be with...” That last one had really dug deep - the thought of Daichi with anyone else made your heart splinter and your stomach wretch. But you had swallowed your heartache down with the lump in your throat and nodded with a meek “Yeah, exactly,” knowing deep in your bones that you didn’t mean a word of it. Suga knew it too.

The week after that was the week from hell. Crying in bed every night because you missed Daichi so much was made that much worse by your shitty week. Life could’ve just given you a normal week but NOPE. Every single day, multiple times a day, you’d pick up your phone to send him an angry text about your boss or the rude ass lady at the grocery store. Or the fact that some really, really important notarized legal documents got lost in the mail. Three trips to UPS, two trips to the post office, and $91.00 later the paperwork finally reached its intended destination via next day air. You wanted to ask him to arrest the incompetent twat who put your mailer on the wrong truck in the first place and then smile at his reaction. To top it all off, your son’s behavior had hit an all-time low. You’d been hoping that it would’ve improved after the disciplinary hearing, which Subi had attended as well but, if anything, his behavior at home had gotten worse too.

You wanted to call Daichi. You wanted him to come over and hold you as you curled into a ball against his chest. To feel his hands in your hair and his lips on your forehead telling you that ‘everything’s gonna be okay’. Because you’d believe it If Daichi was the one saying it. He’d make sure of it. But you couldn’t do any of those things and it made you cry. Like getting kicked when you’re already down.

Daichi didn’t have it much better. 

He’d called and apologized to Yui, who had called him a “fucking asshole”. There was the drunk driver who had puked on him while doing his field sobriety test (he probably deserved that, he’d guessed). Then there was the day he got stuck directing traffic in a torrential downpour. The police-issued waterproof ponchos had done nothing for his wet socks and the sloshing in his shoes. 

There were also all the little annoying things that kept happening to him - his washing machine quit working (mid-cycle, no less), he got a flat tire (in a different torrential downpour), he stubbed his toe one morning while getting out of bed (talk about a rude awakening) - nothing too serious but just enough to piss him off. 

The worst of it was finding out his mom had to be hospitalized for Covid. She had to be on oxygen, but the prognosis was good. She was expected to be okay and eventually make a full recovery, but of course it made him worry about her nonetheless.

And through every bit of it, you were on his mind. He missed you something fierce. But some of the things you’d said still weighed on his heart:

“...how cruel can you be?” “You’re not even my type.” “Just go back in there and fuck your ex-girlfriend!”

That last one had hurt the most. Did you really think that lowly of him to think he’d do that to you? 

To be fair, he also remembered some of the things he’d said to you:

“Would you have liked it better if i’d introduced you as my fuck buddy…?” “What? Not toxic enough for ya?” “...you don’t have to be a jealous girlfriend about it…!”

They made him cringe every time he remembered. Sometimes the words you had thrown at each other kept him up at night.

Tonight was one of those nights…

Daichi was reading in bed, trying to take his mind off of you when his phone buzzed on his nightstand. Thinking it must be work-related at this time of night, he picked it up to see who was calling. When he saw your name on the screen, his heart wanted to claw its way out of his chest. What could you possibly want? Best case scenario was you wanted to apologize, but that could wait until tomorrow. If you didn’t want him to make you a priority anymore, he was going to honor that. Worst case scenario was you were reaching out to him for another booty call, and he was done with that. 

Either way, he let your call go to voicemail, but just as he was about to put his phone back down, your text came through as three little numbers:

911

Daichi sat bolt upright and immediately tapped the call button. Halfway through the first ring, you answered. “Daichi?” You were crying and he could hear a young man’s voice yelling in the background.

He sat forward in his seat, wide brown eyes darting this way and that. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Subi,” you cried. There was a loud bang accompanied by a muffled sob from you. “He threatened to hurt me and now he’s throwing things…”

Before you could say anything else, daichi was on his feet, throwing on a pair of sweats and a hoodie before heading for his front door. “You at home?”

“Y-yes.” you were crying so hard you were wheezing. “Daichi, please…please help?”

“I’m on my way.” His voice was remarkably low and stern and comforting as he told you to go inside your bedroom, lock the door, and stay there. He made sure you didn’t have any injuries and stayed on the phone with you for the 10 mins it took for him to get there. It normally took twice that long to drive from his place to yours, but he had his blue lights on, going well over the speed limit. 

“Daichi, I’m so scared,” you sobbed. 

“I’m almost there, (y/n). Just five more minutes. Come on, deep breaths.” He talked you down enough that you weren’t crying as hard. “Alright, I’m here. Do you know if he’s still in the house?” 

“Yeah, I can hear him. But the front door is locked.” 

“Do you feel safe enough to come out of your room and open it?” 

You’d heard Subi’s voice getting further away and the slamming of his bedroom door. “Yeah, I think so.” 

You slowly came out of your room and hurried to the front door, nearly collapsing in Daichi’s arms when you swung it open. He hugged you and told you everything was okay. He walked inside slowly, noticing some broken glass and other, obviously thrown, objects on the floor, and called your son’s name. Your pre-teen came out of his bedroom to find a man he didn’t recognize standing in the living room. 

“Who’re you?” he asked. 

“I’m Daichi, a friend of your mom’s. You must be Musubi.” 

Musubi narrowed his eyes at him and shrugged in response. 

“What’s been going on, man?” 

Your son crossed his arms over his chest. “Maybe it’s none of your business.” 

Daichi’s dark brown eyes remained steady on him. “Well, seeing as how your mom is my friend and she’s scared and crying, I’d say it is my business.” 

The boy rolled his eyes. “Whatever. It’s not that big of a deal-“ 

“Wrong again. Your mom doesn’t feel safe in her own home. That’s a problem. It’s just the two of you living here, right?” 

Subi shrugged. “Yeah, so?”

“Then that makes you man of the house, doesn’t it?” 

Your son’s eyes met Daichi’s for the first time since he first spoke to him. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“And as the man of the house, don’t you think it’s your job to protect everyone in it, including your mom?” 

The boy didn’t respond, but his facial muscles relaxed as he maintained eye contact with Daichi. He had his undivided attention now. He was speaking to him man to man and your son was listening intently. 

“It’s a big responsibility to be in your position,” Daichi went on, nodding towards you. “Your mother and her safety are under your watch. She doesn’t feel safe with you when you’re the one who’s supposed to be protecting her.” The off-duty police officer's voice remained calm and even as he tilted his head. “So tell me, Musubi: do you really think you’re qualified to be man of the house?” 

You watched and listened with awe as Daichi took command over the situation, showing Subi what it means to be in full control. He leveled with your son while making him feel validated and understood. Rather than telling Subi how he should talk to you, Daichi did far more by showing him what it means to be a good man; he was teaching Subi how to treat others with respect in the way he spoke to him - by demonstrating to him that you get respect from others by being respectable.

Your son’s gaze fell under the weight of Daichi’s words. His beliefs about what it means to be a “man” had just been challenged and shaken to the core. He thought it meant being loud and aggressive, lording over others, calling the shots and expecting others to submit to him - no doubt all the tactics he’d learned from watching his father. 

“You think you’re in control here? Because, from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like it.” The boy’s gaze followed Daichi’s as he looked around at the broken items in the room before looking over at you, still trembling and sniffling. “If you lose control, it means you don’t have it, Musubi. It’s that simple. Do we have an understanding?” 

The boy’s eyes locked with Daichi’s again and he nodded. 

“Good man. Now,” Daichi said with quiet authority, “Clean up the mess you made.” It wasn’t a request.

“Yes, sir,” Subi murmured as he started picking up the pieces. 

You couldn’t believe the words that just came out of your son’s mouth. Yes, sir? You looked up at Daichi - The Musubi Whisperer - wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Never even raised his voice and had him under his complete command. 

“(Y/n), can I talk to you for a minute in the kitchen?” Daichi said it just loudly enough that your son could hear how his mother should be talked to - by asking, not demanding. 

“Of course.” You followed Daichi until your son was out of earshot, then whispered, “How the fuck did you just do that?” 

Daichi shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of experience. Oldest of 5 kids. Team captain. Cop.” You smiled and nodded, wiping the last of your tears away. He put a tentative hand on your shoulder. “You okay, (y/n)?” 

“I think so,” you sniffed, wiping your freshest tear away with your shirt sleeve. “I’m so sorry to have troubled you, but you were the first person i thought of-” 

Daichi shook his head and pulled you into his arms. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m glad you called me.”

Whether it was the catharsis from the highly charged situation or your need to feel Daichi close was irrelevant when you fastened yourself to him. Before you could think, your arms were around his waist and your head tucked against his chest. 

“Thank you,” you said, your shaky voice muffled by the warmth and weight of Daichi’s arms wrapping tightly around you.

“If it happens again, call me again. If you need anything at all, call me,” he said, rubbing your back. This was the Daichi you’d known all along and fucking hell, you missed him.

You tightened your hold around his waist. You were so immensely relieved to hear him say that. Maybe he still wanted to be the one you called. Just maybe he wanted to be the one you needed. 

“I will,” you said, nodding against his chest.

Before he left that night, he shook Subi's hand. “Take care of your mom.” 

“Yes, sir.” Holy hell, there it was again. Daichi hadn’t even told him to call him sir. Leastways, not with words. How did he do that?

“Do I have your word?” Daichi asked, squeezing Subi’s hand. “Yes, sir.”

“Alright, I’ll stop by in a couple days to see how things are going," he looked at you, "...if that's okay." 

Your son’s lips pursed as he fought back a smile as he watched you nod. “Okay.” 

After Daichi left, Subi said, “You should find a guy like him, Mom.”

Your mouth dropped open, your heart skipping a million beats. Your son had no idea who Daichi was, what he did for a living, or the highly complicated nature of your relationship with him. Finally, you smiled and said, “Yeah? He’s a good guy, huh?”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “He’s alright.”

Your son turned to you with his shoulders slumped and tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom.” 

Your body shook with tears as you nodded against his shoulder. “I know, baby. I love you so much.” 

Subi squeezed you tighter as he told you he loved you too.

ch. 10 ☆ ch. 12 (wip)

series mlist | daichi mlist

☆ taglist: @chaoskrakenuwu ☆ @ceo-of-daichi ☆ @honeybunny-sawamura ☆ @yuujispinkhair ☆ @luvkun4 ☆ @briokayama ☆ @mrs-sawamura ☆ @heroesfan101 ☆ @millenialfanfictionaddiction ☆ @citrustsuki ☆ @darthferbert ☆ @crystal-lilac ☆ @hannas16 ☆ @cookiesandmilksx ☆ @strawberrystepmom ☆ @anejuuuuoy ☆ @maexc ☆ @little-ms-awkward ☆ @patheticliesblog ☆ @strawbmarma ☆ @lomons ☆ @victorianhorrors @gazzybums ++ ask/dm/comment if you wanna be added to or removed from a taglist

[softxsuki]

Hey there!!

I just discovered your blog while looking for some comfort fics and I immediately loved your newest Hawks fic and I will definitely be checking out your Yona fics now!🥹🥹

I have an urgent request too actually but pls don't feel pressured or anything if you are busy!! I'm just having a really bad BPD episode at the moment and I have the urge to cut everyone I love off because I feel unloved by them and like such a burden to everyone and I feel like I can't handle the pain anymore..

Sooo therefore I'd like to request Drabbles/Oneshots (honestly fully up to you) for Hawks, Gojo and Lucifer (only if that's okay for you ofc!!🩷) with a reader who acts all cold and becomes more and more distant in their relationship and when they confront her about it she breaks down and admits that she did it out of fear that they were going to abandon her anyway and bcs she felt like they deserved better..?

I know it's very specific and I am kind of embarrassed to ask for it but honestly my fav characters are my only source of comfort rn and I saw that you do mental health requests/comfort fics and I thought it's the sweetest and most thoughtful thing ever!!🥲

So even if you won't write this for or can't do it "immediately" I wanna thank you for doing this for the mentally ill folks who get their comfort from fictional characters. You are a lovely person! 🥹

-🩷

Hawks, Gojo, and Lucifer (Separate) with Reader Who Tries To Cut Them Out of Her Life

Pairings: Hawks x Fem!Reader, Gojo x Fem!Reader, Lucifer x Fem!MC

Warnings: mentions of feeling like a burden, wanting to cut loved ones out of your life, unedited (excuse any mistakes)

Genre: comfort

Post-Type: headcanons

Word Count: 1.07k

Summary: In which you try and distance yourself from them and they realize and try to talk it out with you (Yeah ik I'm still bad at writing these summaries, I'm sorry 😢 😂 )

[A/N: HEY! Thank you so much for your sweet words! I'm blessed that I'm able to write things for people that provide them with comfort. I'm so sorry for the long wait, life has been crazy, but I managed to find the motivation to get this done today! I hope it helps. I know you were looking for oneshots or drabbles, but I only write headcanons when someone wants a request for multiple people, so I hope that's okay! Enjoy! I hope it provides you with a little bit of comfort if anything :) <3 Take care!]

Hawks:

He gets very petty and if you decide to avoid him, he won’t make the effort to force you to be in his presence, but ofc it does sadden him, he loves you and having you push him away and not reach out to him less and less, hurts

Until one day he grows impatient with your silence

What did he do to have you shut him out? Why were you doing this? 

He needed answers and he needed them now, so get ready for him banging at your door and inviting himself in as soon as you open it a crack

Hawks is gentle with the way he approaches the issue, honestly he might think that he may have accidentally done or said something without realizing it that possibly hurt your feelings

So he begins with an apology and just asks what you need him to do for you to forgive him for whatever he’s done

You mean the world to him, so having you slowly push him away from you without any kind of warning makes him nervous…he can’t lose you

“I know I’m out frequently doing hero work, and I sometimes have to leave our dates if I’m called for an emergency. I’m sorry if you’ve felt like I don’t care about you because of these things. But I want you to know right here and now that I love you so much and nothing will ever change that. So please, let me into your heart, don’t push me away anymore Y/N…”

Once you tell him that you’ve just been feeling like a burden to him, he moves quickly to wipe those thoughts out of your head

Never once has he thought you were a burden and his love for you just seems to grow as the days pass

Moving forward, he tries his best to verbally express his feelings for you more often, as well as trying to find time to see you again if he ever has to leave for a hero emergency

From now on, you’ll never doubt his love for you–and please, just mention whenever you feel this way again to him, he’d love to talk it out with you instead of just having you push him away

Gojo:

This man gets so pouty when you decide to ignore him

But it doesn’t affect how much he sees you on a daily basis

He refuses to let you avoid him and will continue to stick by your side

He’ll annoy you with his presence everyday, until you lash out in desperation because as much as you tried to slowly avoid him he was always there

But he remains unphased through it all and continues to act like this idiot he is

He does however, decide to get a little serious and hear you out as to why you are attempting to push him away, when you already know you’re stuck with him for life

Gojo isn’t stupid, as much as he tries to avoid serious conversations, once you actually open up to him, he knows that it’s time to listen to you and be there for you.

So when he hears that you’ve been feeling like a burden to him, he patiently listens to you the whole time

“Well, you don’t have to worry about that. If anything I’m probably the one who’s a burden on you. I know I can be too much sometimes, but I just want to make sure you’re always happy. I’m sorry for not realizing your feelings sooner, Y/N. I don’t know exactly what's going on in that head of yours, and even though I joke around too much you can always open up to me about all those complicated feelings in your heart.”

A rare, empathetic Gojo moment that you out of everyone else in his life gets to see, so it’s truly an honor

Be he wipes an insecurities you may be feeling away and gets to joking around again in hope that it helps lift your mood

He’d probably put his phone on silent from all the elder higher-ups trying to contact him and spend the day with you–after all you are the most important person in his life, he’d do anything for you

Lucifer:

Out of everyone else on this list, Lucifer definitely knows what’s up even by the slightest change in your mood or actions towards him

I picture him not caring that you’re pushing him away, he's still going to go see you every morning and wish you goodnight every night

Stubbornness doesn’t work on him. He’s been alive for too long to have things go over his head so he already can kinda guess what’s going on with you after avoiding him just once

Literally, he sense something is off so fast, and his pride won’t allow him to just leave you be so you hear him knocking at your bedroom door so fast; you didn’t even get a chance to properly try and avoid him NFJENAKF

So he gets down to business very quickly, asking you what’s been going on and what he can do to help you feel better

Don’t even try to play dumb and act like nothing's wrong by trying to persuade him that you’re completely fine–he will see right through all your attempts

Once he is aware of how you’ve been feeling, he’s almost offended

“Have I done anything to prove that I do not care for you anymore MC? I invite you to my room each night, I treat you with respect and as much love as I possibly can. I know I’m not always as open with my feelings in public, but we both know that if I didn’t care for you, I wouldn't give you my time of day. That would never happen though, I’m already in too deep for you and nothing can change that…not even if Diavolo himself commanded it.”

He’s a passionate man, and knowing that you felt like he didn’t love you anymore really bruised his pride.

Expect many romantic advances after this; private dinners at Ristorante Six (he’ll rent out the whole place for you), going to see plays together, late night walks in the devildom away from his chaotic brothers who won’t leave you alone, and much more

He’ll make sure you know he loves you at the end of every night, so be prepared!

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 4/26/2023

[persephonememes]

* (  THE HAUNTING OF BLY MANOR /  SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

❛ i was just really, really sad. ❜

❛ dead doesn’t mean gone. ❜

❛ i thought i was going to die too. ❜

❛ it only felt like dying because, actually, i was still alive. ❜

❛ to truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them. ❜

❛ we can’t count on the past. ❜

❛ we think we have it trapped in our memories, but memories fade. ❜

❛ you’ll find it much quieter out here. ❜

❛ any of us could die at any moment. ❜

❛ she/he was my anchor. ❜

❛ i’m a lot braver than people think. ❜

❛ nothing holds, and all things change, given time. ❜

❛ change does not often announce itself. ❜

❛ all things fade. ❜

❛ time takes all things. ❜

❛ it is the way of the world. ❜

❛ the past recedes, memories fade, and so, true, does the spirit. ❜

❛ everything yields to time, even the soul. ❜

❛ there’s a difference between feeling good and feeling alive. ❜

❛ funerals are for the living. it’s up to the living to decide what they can and cannot bear. ❜

❛ i don’t know why brilliant young women are always punished. ❜

❛ you don’t have to lose yourself to find happiness, you know. ❜

❛ i was having the strangest dream. ❜

❛ what have you got when your back’s against the wall when there’s nothing left for you but faith? ❜

❛ sometimes, right can seem wrong, and wrong can seem right. ❜

❛ do you know what life is really all about? ❜

❛ save them all if you can, but put your own oxygen mask on first. ❜

❛ death is something to mourn, not fear. ❜

❛ i wasn't going to ask you if you're alright because i don't like being lied to. so, what's wrong? ❜

❛ everyone is exhaustive. even the best ones. ❜

❛ we are meant to die. it's natural. ❜

❛ every living thing grows out of every dying thing. ❜

❛ that's where all it's beauty lies, you know, in the mortality of the thing. ❜

❛ one day at a time is what we've got. ❜

❛ one day at a time is what we've got. it's what everybody's got, if you get down to it. ❜

❛ if you can't feel anything, then i'll feel everything for the both of us. ❜

❛ but no one is going anywhere, okay? ❜

❛ you shouldn't be thinking of losing each-other at all. ❜

❛ don't let that loom over your happiness right now. ❜

❛ it is rare what you've got. ❜

❛ what is the catch? ❜

❛ i’m not running, from anything and it hurts me when you say that. ❜

❛ perfectly splendid. ❜

❛ you have to promise me that you’ll stay in your room. ❜

❛ none of us are blameless. ❜

❛ on a scale of zero to american, how would you rate her? ❜

❛ it’s such a draining thing, dealing with children. ❜

❛ i have an inquiring mind. ❜

❛ we both know you don’t make mistakes. ❜

❛ let me guess, you are to be our very own mary poppins? ❜

❛ i hope she haunts that fucker forever. ❜

❛ why should anyone hate a lake? ❜

❛ let me show you just how beautiful you are. ❜

❛ it’s just you and me then. ❜

❛ look at you all flush. you’re pretty when you blush. ❜

❛ being with him might be scary at times but, it’s also exciting and fun. ❜

❛ and for the first time in my life, that little voice in my head saying i’m not good enough has disappeared. ❜

❛ i’ve never felt so alive. ❜

❛ i swear, you’re such a bore, and you don’t know when the leave well enough alone. ❜

❛ sometimes people just need to be alone. ❜

❛ i couldn’t sleep. i feel like i can never sleep again, frankly. ❜

❛ haven’t we done this already? ❜

❛ i have a surprise for you. ❜

❛ i have a surprise for you. ❜

❛ don’t leave your room at night. ❜

❛ the past is always present. ❜

❛ the stories we tell each other have a way of changing. ❜

❛ love is a haunting melody that i have never mastered and i fear i never will. ❜

❛ no good ever comes from dwelling on the worst. ❜

❛ you can’t choose who you love. ❜

❛ ghosts do not have to be scary. they can be comforting. ❜

❛ the heart is a fragile thing, and it can break in many different ways. ❜

❛ people often fear what they cannot understand. ❜

❛ we are all haunted in some way, by the things we have lost or the things we have done. ❜

❛ death is not the end, it’s just a door we all have to go through. ❜

❛ the past cannot be changed, but it can still hurt us. ❜

❛ the things we bury have a way of finding their way back to the surface. ❜

❛ some people are born to be alone, and others are born to be together. ❜

❛ ghosts are memories, and memories are what make us who we are. ❜

❛ the dead don’t really leave us. they live on in the memories we have of them. ❜

❛ the more we try to run from something, the more it chases us. ❜

❛ we all have a shadow self, the part of us that we don’t like to admit exists. ❜

❛ the world is full of secrets, and some are best left buried. ❜

❛ the heart wants what it wants, and sometimes that can be a terrifying thing. ❜

❛ every relationship is a dance, and both people need to be willing to take a step forward. ❜

❛ life can be cruel, but it can also be beautiful. ❜

❛ we are all just playing a part, but some roles are harder to shake off than others. ❜

❛ the past is written, but the future is still unwritten. ❜

❛ the greatest tragedy in life is not death, but the things we leave unsaid. ❜

❛ i do not like this game. ❜

❛ i'm actually pretty in love with you. ❜

❛ no one should ever need that much help. ❜

❛ you let me handle this part. ❜

❛ the wrong kind of love can fuck you up, follow you and make you do some really stupid shit. ❜

[itstheoneshot]

Kinktober Day 1

Hair Pulling: Onew

!dom Onew

“Does that hurt?”

Your neck is tugged upwards, tilting your head back so far that you fear your spine might break.

Anything to satiate his needs, right?

You make eye contact with your boyfriend behind you, whimpering as he thrusts into you harder, eyes pricked with tears as your hair threatens to rip from your scalp. His desires have overtaken his resolve, unable to hold himself back, loving the way that you whine in pain as he fucks you with his fingers knotted in your hair. You look pathetic, and he loves you best this way.

“It’s okay,” You moan, your voice cracking mid-word, distracted with a particularly hard thrust, “Feels so good, don’t stop.”

Jinki chuckles, a little maniacal, with one hand on your hip as he fucks you from behind. You don’t know at what point you worked out how much he enjoys pulling your hair, loves the way that it forces you to crumble, turning you into a powerless, distressed and broken mess. Sometimes you try to fight back, tugging at his pretty blonde locks, though whenever you do this it only spurs him on to ruin you further, and that is how you ended up here, with your back to him, unable to reach him, reminded that he is in charge.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” He murmurs, moving his hand from your hip to your upper back, pushing you into the mattress, “You just take me so well.”

He gives your neck a little relief, letting you rest your head in the pillows, though he turns your head to the side so that you can see him out of the corner of your eye, he wants to see your face as he takes from you. Your back is arched so beautifully, ass up for him, pushing back with each thrust as the angle is perfect for you both, allowing you to take him in so deep, feeling every inch of him as he fills you completely.

“You’re clenching, baby,” Jinki sneers, “Did you want to cum already? You’re so cute.”

He reads you like a book, and you kick your feet a little in protest, because fuck yes you do, he feels so good it drives you crazy. It is so hard to hold back, but you know that he won’t be happy if you do anything without permission. He calls the shots, you have to wait until he tells you that it is okay, but that doesn’t mean you can’t beg.

“Please, Jinki-oppa,” You plead with him, grinding back on him, “I need it, come on, please, I’ve been so good, have’t I?”

You see his gaze soften for a moment, you know that you have the power to win him over, although he doesn’t ever want to let you. You focus on the way that he feels inside of you, allowing yourself to gain closer to your release, teasing him with your cunt, begging him with your body as well as your words. It drives him wild, and you know it, seeing him try to distract, concocting a solution that doesn’t give you the power in the situation.

He tugs you upwards, your hair near breaking clean off your head, crying out as he pulls your back flush against his chest. He kisses your neck as he continues to fuck into you, showing off his power and skill in a whole new way. Your eyes roll back and the moan that leaves your lips is pitiful, fucked out and desperate, losing your inhibitions and all freedom to instead be used as nothing but a vessel for your boyfriend to fuck.

“Please,” You cry out, legs shaking under you, only held upright by the man whose cock is 8 inches deep inside of you, “Can’t do it, gonna, gonna… please!”

Jinki is faltering and you know it, chasing his own high as if his life depended on it, giving up on holding back anymore, needing to finish and finally wanting you to, too.

“Go ahead,” He urges you, “You want to help me too, don’t you?”

With permission, you let go. Body shaking in his arms as you crumble completely, orgasm completely taking over your reality, nothing exists in the moment except for your release. At some point Jinki finds his own too, painting your insides with his seed while you suck him dry with your cunt. You can barely breathe as he begins to slow down, sensitive and destroyed, relieved as he releases his grip on your hair, allowing you to collapse forward onto the bed as he pulls out of you, his cum dripping out of your used hole.

You giggle as he lies down next to you, turning your head to face him just as he leans in for a kiss, and he combs his fingers through your hair to try and unknot the mess that he made of it. He is so gentle with you after a rough session, something that you are always grateful for.

-

kinktober masterlist

[elficially-done-with-life]

Painful Partings

Pairing: Celebrimbor x reader

A/N: This was a request by @80s-romantic-dreamer. It is about Celebrimbor and the Reader, who lived a good life until Annatar came around. When they realized who he really is the Reader has a painful parting with Celebrimbor.

Warnings: relatively sad ending

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You had never seen your husband so frantic.

It had only been four weeks since Annatar had left Eregion with the first rings, and you had hoped to have your beloved Celebrimbor back to yourself now, but he was still spending most of his time at the forge.

But that wasn't what worried you. It was normal for him to lose track of time from time to time while working. What wasn't normal was the fact that he hardly ate anything anymore and woke from nightmares bathed in cold sweat. Sure, he'd had nightmares before, but these were very different, and after them he would sometimes just stare at you for hours, as if he couldn't believe you were real.

But you hoped that you would get through this time too, just as you had got through every time it had become difficult.

But this time, this time was different.

"You have to go." Celebrimbor said one evening as you were getting ready for bed. He had returned from the forge earlier than usual, which you had actually interpreted as a good sign, which was also the reason why it took you a while to realise what he had said.

"Go? But where to?" You didn't quite understand what he was trying to tell you.

Your eyes sought his and for a few moments your eyes met. You could see a desperation in his that you had never seen in Celebrimbor's eyes before. Finally, he averted them and buried his face in his hands.

You put aside the brush you had been using to brush your hair until a few moments ago and slowly approached him. You carefully wrapped your arms around his form and nuzzled your face into his hair. "What is wrong, Tyelpë?"

"I think I am losing my mind," he whispered softly.

You shook your head slowly. "Do not say that, my beloved. What is overshadowing your good heart?"

"Annatar. I have- " he swallowed, "I have reason to believe he is Sauron, Melda."

Your body went stock-still, as if you were frozen in place. Sauron? Was that really possible? Had he been evil all this time?

You felt a cold shiver run through your whole body.

"So, what do you suggest we do now?" you asked, unable to hide your fear as your voice trembled continuously.

Celebrimbor lifted his head and you realised with horror that silent tears were glistening on his cheeks. He kissed you gently on the cheek and then stretched out his hands to clasp your face.

"That was my fault, Melda," he said softly as his fingers gently stroked your cheeks. "And I have to fix it myself."

"No!" you said forcefully. "You do not have to - I always want to be there for you, after all, we are married! I- "

"I am not going to watch you die from all this!" Celebrimbor said and pushed you away from him a little roughly. "You have to go, now!"

"What?" you asked in confusion and reached out a hand towards him, which he looked at almost with fear, so you pulled it back. "Why?" Your voice trembled even more now and a sinking feeling spread through the pit of your stomach.

"If you do not leave now," Celebrimbor whispered, avoiding your gaze. "then I will break more every day knowing that you are in almost immediate danger because of me. I had already scheduled your departure for today a week ago, I just- I was not strong enough to tell you, Melda. Because I love you. You are my home, and if you leave, there will only be emptiness inside me. If- but if you stay and get hurt or worse, then I would fall through that emptiness inside of me and lose myself. I can only say how much I regret not seeing that the only thing I really needed, you, was there all along."

"Come with me, Tyelpë." you whispered softly, "If anyone deserves to be happy, it is you!" Your voice got louder and louder towards the end, until you were almost shouting. Your chest hurt so much that you were afraid it would burst and the pressure behind your eyes was now overwhelming you and you were now openly crying.

"Oh Melda," he whispered and, to your surprise, handed you his handkerchief. "When I am finished and everything is in order- "

"Why do you not come with me now?" you asked in a desperate voice. You didn't want to live without Celebrimbor. You just couldn't. Your heart tightened.

He sighed in despair and stroked through his already messy hair. "Do you not understand, Melda. I- I cannot leave until I have fixed my mistake. I just can't."

You looked down at your shoes. "Where do I- ?"

"Gil-Galad," Celebrimbor whispered. He was a mutual friend of yours. "He is coming over personally because I asked him to. He should be down at the gate in a few minutes."

"So you really want- "you couldn't keep talking and sobbed loudly.

Celebrimbor wrapped you gently in his arms, and you felt his warmth much more clearly than you had ever before. It practically burned over your body, reminding you that this was the end. That this could be the last time you feel him that close. At least for now. He could push you away, but you would never stop loving your Celebrimbor, your Telperinquar, more than anything in Middle-earth or beyond.

As you broke away from each other, you looked deep into his sad eyes and tried to memorise their expression. To memorise how they seemed to sparkle when he looked at you. You wanted to memorise the expression of kindness and also the expression of slight uncertainty that seemed to follow him everywhere and was an immediate part of him. You memorised the little worry line that always formed between his brows when he was thinking too hard or worried, and the way his dark hair fell smoothly and elegantly over his shoulders.

Then he put his thick, warm travelling cloak around your shoulders and pulled you back to reality. "We should leave for the gate. It is best not to take anything with you, we have to do everything as inconspicuously as possible so that nobody notices quickly. Because I am afraid you could be used as a way to get to me, that they would hurt you to hurt me. And I would never forgive myself for that."

Silently, you let your hand slip into his and you walked out. Never before had the walk down to the gate seemed so long and yet so fast.

Gil-Galad was already there and looked worried.

Celebrimbor turned to him. "Do you think you will make it back safely?"

"Just over that ridge- "Gil-Galad pointed into the distance- "there is an escort waiting. So we will only be unprotected on a short path, where you can keep an eye on us at all times. Do not worry, old friend, I will look out for her."

Celebrimbor nodded and took a few steps back, but you decided you wouldn't let him go so easily.

"If you- do not die." You uttered until tears ran from your eyes again. "Oh Tyelpë you wonderful- you- I love you. But I am also truely angry that you think you have to go through this alone. Can you not at least let me try to help you?"

But Celebrimbor looked down and you thought you saw tears on his cheeks too, and his voice was full of emotion as he said, "Go away."

You stood frozen in place and started at your husband until Gil-Galad gently put an arm around your shoulders and said softly, "Come on. We have to ride while it is still dark."

And so you turned your eyes away from Celebrimbor, seeing him for the last time in many years.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

[istadris]

Slight follow-up to the other anon, but how would the mainverse bros feel about their own counterparts? Would Mario be a little unsettled by a version of himself who's fallen into the habit of following someone else's lead for adventures? Would Luigi be able to see through Mr. L's tough guy act but still give the other him enough space to maybe calm down a little?

Would teamups of Doc and Mario and Mr. L and Luigi work a lil better than Doc and Luigi and Mario and Mr. L? Or would those still be a bit of a mess for different reasons?

[The other anon in question]

Oooooh, another very interesting question !

On one hand, it would definitely be very awkward for every part involved.

Mario would indeed be unsettled by Dr Mario. Not just because of, as you mention, his tendency to follow someone else's lead, but also because this version of himself went through something Mario can barely fathom : losing Luigi. Mario can't even imagine the imagine of living in a world without his brother, just thinking about the inevitable possibility in a far away future makes him anxious, and yet this has been Doc's reality for decades.

And Doc didn't just survive to the loss of his Luigi, he went on and managed to turn his pain into something useful for others. Mario isn't ashamed of his own trade by any means, he's happy and content being a plumber, but he would never have thought there was a version of himself smart enough to pusrue long studies and become a doctor. In Mario's eyes, this other Mario feels like a better, more accomplished version of himself : he's strong (to go on after such a loos), he's educated, he's collected, he's mature. They're the same age and yet Doc feels like an older, more intelligent version of himself.

(This isn't what Dr Mario sees. Doc sees Mario's strength, and resourcefulness, his warm kindness that draws everyone to him. He sees this unashamed joy to live and enthusiasm in everything Mario does, something the Doc has lost by retreating behind his walls of apathy and depression. And above all, he sees Mario has succeeded where Doc has failed)

Above all, Doc reminds Mario of the notion that he might fail to protect Luigi someday. A notion he usually doesn't want to contemplate but now is staring straight at him.

As for Luigi and Mr L, as often with Luigi, it's Complicated.

Luigi is a bit scared of Mr L. Not, let's be honest, at first he's terrified of him. Mr L is a big bully with him for obvious reasons and Luigi never knew how to stand up to bullies.

It's also scary on a deeper level. Luigi always has doubts and fears about his own abilities, about how much he's actually bringing to Mario and his friends. He's not like Mario, who doesn't let anything keep him down or bother him; he keeps his mouth shut when people mock him, except when it really goes too far, but sometimes he just wishes he could...strike back. He's too kind to actually do it but think it's out of fear that he doesn't actually take revenge on people who wrong him.

And now he's faced with a version of himself who, without Mario's influence, has gone full villain. Mr L is confident, uncaring of what others think, he's bold, he's daring, he's everything Luigi would dream to be, and he's also a massive jerk who pushes everyone away including his own "brother".

It seems like a disaster in the making for both sets.

And yet.

On the other hand, despite all these differences, no matter the universe, Mario remains Mario and Luigi remains Luigi.There is something that every version of yourself possesses across the multiverse and if you know where to look, you can find it.

Their lives differed but at the core, they think and process things the same. Luigi realizes quickly that for all of his bluster, Mr L is indeed what Luigi would be if he had to count on himself; hiding his fear under a mask of arrogance but still scared, so scared. As you mention, he knows that instead of pushing and forcing Mr L into a corner from which he lashes out, he has to give his counterpart some space so he can feel at ease again. Which is something Mr L isn't used to, except from the Doc (and only after a long period of trial and error).

And Mr L, for all his arrogance and jealousy, feels like Luigi is incredibly lucky to have his own Mario...but after he's thrown enough tantrums about it, he sees that Luigi can be happy even if he's not fighting and antagonizing everyone in sight. It causes a lot of confused feelings, but at some point it develops into a sort of very protective instinct. "You're a wimp so now I gotta make sure you get back to your dumb brother".

It helps that Luigi just nods and goes along with most of Mr L's whacky plans. Luigi has his own little brand of crazy that goes very well with his counterpart.

[slyvieselkie]

Regret

They say if there's one thing you'd never want to leave behind in this world, it is regret.

Gojo Satoru is known as the strongest man in the world. And unfortunately, that was his weakness. Because despite being hailed as the closest thing to god, this white haired man never felt like it. Because regrets clung onto his withering soul every time he tries to take a step forward.

He thought he could escape another one: you.

The strongest man in the world has no time and no chance for love. Just because you reign the skies, doesn't the people on the land can't fire at you. And Gojo Satoru couldn't have that.

That's why, you became just another person below his feet. From his love, his angel, his flower, his pearl, you transformed into a faceless figure. Just another ant under his feet to walk over and forget.

Satoru still remembers how he could hold you tightly, knowing that you'll never leave him. How he leans all of his weight onto you and clings to you because he knows you'll endure anything he throws at you. How he could give a soft smile and sparkle his eyes, knowing that you understand how much he loves you. How sometimes, he'll take a step back from your side knowing that you'll immediately see that something's wrong with him. Every little small movement of his, was so precious to you.

But unfortunately, the strongest man was too scared. Just because you are strong, doesn't mean you don't have any fears. And Satoru had more fears than strength.

That's why, Gojo left you. Despite embracing all types of bodies day and night, his arms still felt empty, but that's something he'll keep to himself. He began baring the weight of the world by himself, hoping that at some point he'll get used to the ache. Gojo smiled through the fear and pain of losing the people around him, because everyone believes that he'll save them in time. He stood in the middle of the limelight with straight shoulders because that's what the world expected. He changed everything about himself, so that he would never regret again.

"Satoru..."

He froze hearing your mellow voice, worn down from his torture betrayal. Once upon a time, Satoru had promised that if there was anyone in the world he couldn't hurt...it was you. But look at where he was, the center of your pain and distress. That was his fourth last regret.

Satoru couldn't turn around, he couldn't bare to the see the visualization of the treason he had committed on your soul, body, and mind. So he stood there, back facing you, and hoped that you would quickly leave. That was his third last regret.

There was a small sigh, "I've...I've been sent to deal with a curse", the white haired man blinked behind his circular framed glasses, "Hmm, and?", pursing his lips at the cold response.

"Satoru...I hope you don't hurt yourself even more, you shouldn't live with any regrets. Be happy, be sad, be angry, and cry whenever you want."

And with that, you left him. Hoping that he'll one day learn to love someone and live with his fears, know that his strength comes from the strength of others.

That was his second last regret, letting you walk away so easily. Even though he had so many things he wanted to say and do, to kneel before your feet and proclaim his love for you, to apologize and forever grovel to gain your trust back, to receive your gentle love.

So imagine Satoru's anguish when the higher ups announced you had been killed in action. They couldn't even retrieve your body because there was nothing left it. Not a single bit of hair, cloth, or drop of blood for to the poor man who finally decided that he would ask for your forgiveness when you returned to him.

He cried and screamed for days, destroying the world around him. Imagining your last breaths, your last words, your last thoughts. How you died so painfully and so cruelly, that no one could ever speak of it. You who had been so bright, so loving, in a world of evilness, should have deserved a better ending.

You were his last regret. He should've been there for you, at every step of the way, walking into the abandoned church to rid the world of that filth. But he didn't do that, and now this was the consequences of his foolish actions.

All he could do was heed your last words: never live with any regrets. However, your wish wouldn't come true. Because you would be his final love, the last one to take care of his weathered heart. And if there was some god out there, then the strongest man will come face to face with him, and demand that you two meet again in a better world.

But until then, Gojo Satoru will be creating that better world. So just wait for him, he'll be there shortly.

To all of my lovelies who read through that, thank you for doing so! This was quite a roller coaster of emotions for me, I definitely had to stop a few times and collect myself. But it was worth it! I loved the way it turned and I'm super proud of this. Of course, feedback is always welcome!

Love you 💋

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Hello! I was wondering if you had any resources for doubt in your faith and God? I know doubt is a very healthy part of faith, but it still feels very scary. I've always believed in God but lately I've been doubting lately, and it genuinely makes me sad. I feel like God has held me so many times and has been there for me and others so many times, but for some reason I still doubt. I have OCD and it attacks the values I care about the most, and I'm pretty sure why I'm doubting God so much is because of that. It just scares me because I genuinely don't want to let go of my faith. It also feels awful because sometimes I pray and try to connect with God and im very content and believe in God, and then a couple minutes later I'm back to doubting His existence and it just feels so awful, having these ups and downs. I don't want to let go of God, especially the God that loves me so much. I have nothing against atheists or anything, I just can't imagine myself not believing and trusting in God. If you could also please pray for me that would be amazing. Thank you so much, may God always be with you <3

I'm sending you love and support, anon. Doubt is difficult; it's okay to feel scared or saddened or anything else by it. Doubt being a natural part of faith doesn't change that. Especially when you know your OCD is at play; I feel deeply for you as you struggle with that sense of an internal attack on what you hold dear, and I know God aches for you, too.

I want to start with the promise that when you have doubts, God isn't mad at you for it, or disappointed. God is with you in it. You won't lose your relationship with God, not ever! I know it's one thing to know that logically, and another to truly feel it, but I hope the knowledge brings a little comfort.

My main recommendation is Barbara Brown Taylor's book Learning to Walk in the Dark, which explores a "lunar spirituality" that accepts that faith, like the moon with its phases, waxes and wanes naturally. It also invites the reader to sit with difficult emotions like fear and sadness as important parts of the human experience, with advice for feeling more comfortable with emotions and experiences that those of us raised with a "solar spirituality" are taught to avoid at all costs.

If you're interested, your local library or even church library may have a copy; if not and you're unable to afford a copy for yourself, message me and I'll buy you a copy (ebook or used paperback). (You can read a few excerpts here first if you're not sure whether it's the book for you.)

Beyond that, you may find some helpful stuff in my doubt tag, or my #faith tag.

I will be holding you in my prayers <3

O God who knows our pain, our fears, our sorrows intimately, enfold this person in your comfort and warmth. Help them feel how your love is without end, without conditions, and is far stronger than any doubt they could have or thought their OCD could construct. Hold them close as they journey through their doubts, and learn to ask questions without fear. In time, may they come know to a joy that is deeper than easy answers, a faith that can weather the chillest doubt and even draw nourishment from that doubt. Amen.