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shoichee · 3 years

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okok hc or fic: reader was teiko’s “head” manager(?) and her talent was being a medic (if someone gets injured they’re back on the court in under a minute type thing) and training plans. suddenly momoi’s talent blooms, she starts working w/ everyone in the team (+ reader’s crush akashi) and people think she’s a better manager than reader. because of this, she overworks + collapses in front of her best friends kuroko + kise (don’t let akashi know yet i have plans for that 👀)

HELLO? YES OFFICER? I JUST FOUND A BANGER REQUEST RIGHT HERE? YOUR BRAIN IS SO BIG AND SEXY IVE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS🏃🏻‍♀️💨 part 2 here and part 3 here AND update: part 4 here

Akashi x Reader

[Teiko!manager Headcanons]

you had a knack of being a natural chiropractor in loosening up tense muscles instantly (for more fluid play) or easily putting in back dislocated joints

basically you have crackhands

in your free time as a hobby and a job as the “head manager” (that Akashi announced to the team himself), you’d often bury yourself in anatomy studies and gym plans on the internet and databases to review over Akashi’s team training routines to see if they were effective and safe; oftentimes, you’d return back with improved plans, and as time went on, Akashi entrusted you with creating the plans yourself completely

you took on the job so eagerly to impress the Teiko captain, if you were being honest to yourself

your enthusiasm even inspires Momoi, Teiko’s other manager, to work harder

no one in Teiko knows physiology better than you, and as expected, it was also your best subject along with health

Kise often looks at you in horror and respect at how you don’t cringe/flinch at the loud cracks resonating across the room or court when players come to you for instant relief (the origin story of how he came to call you (y/n)-cchi was the very fact that you manage to put back his dislocated shoulder in 3 seconds flat one game)

when Kuroko first joined the 1st-string, he was a walking magnet for injuries, and you ended up being there for him every single time… nosebleeds? check. sprained ankle? check. nausea from over exhaustion? check.

both you and Kuroko relish in the fact that everyone in the team can never understand how the both of you do some incredible things with your hands

both of you being quite dexterous, you both often teach each other your specialties for fun; it’s almost shocking to see Kuroko effortlessly loosening up a stress knot and you pulling off a well-done palm pass

you admit, you do juggle a lot of responsibilities… from being a makeshift nurse, to a chiropractor, to a budget gym coach, and even to being moral support

Momoi often reminds you to take breaks being the caring person that she is

you often showed her the ropes and tricks of being a manager, on top of your duties, and you find it really endearing that she’s so earnest in learning from you

even if you enjoyed doing what you do, part of the massive workload is to try to get into Akashi’s good graces

talking to him about basketball duties is easier to achieve than talking to him outside of the extracurricular

you might be a tad bit insecure about it; after all, what middle schooler is already so accomplished in academics, sports, and everything you could think of? wasn’t he also studying to take over his father’s company??

to you, who only starred as Teiko’s humble manager, it felt hard trying to establish common ground for conversation outside of basketball

so you stuck to working hard at your position, hoping that your work ethic would get his attention one day; you were a firm believer of actions over words, so you hoped your actions would come off as genuine

picture you and Momoi running across campus with stacks of papers for the team… it makes most of the teammates’ hearts melt at the sight

your work certainly got you praises from other teammates, but out of all players, Kise was the one who figured out your motive

you felt absolutely morbid; to think that Kise, of all people, would figure you out like the back of his hand

Kise being sweet as he is, offers to help you get with the captain but you merely prompted to threaten to break his arm if he spilled your crush to anyone else

“(y/n)-cchi… I’ve been thinking.”

“Yes, Kise?”

“It’s really cool that you’re working so tirelessly for the team, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s a reason why you work so hard.”

“O-Of course I do! I want to see you guys all succeed!”

“Then I’m curious as to why you always look at Akashicchi—o-ow, ow, ow!! (y/n)-cchi, I’m sorry! So can you please let go of my—ow!”

“H-How did you know?!”

“I-It was as obvious as day, (y/n)-cchi! I’m pretty sure even Kurokocchi found out about this before I did!”

“N-No way!!”

“Tell you what, I’m super duper knowledgeable in this stuff! You can count on me for this sort of advice—OW!”

spoiler alert: Kise was right in that Kuroko definitely noticed your attraction to Akashi before anyone else… he just never brought it up to you

one day, Kuroko comes up to you to whisper:

“(y/n)-san, have you realized that Akashi-kun has been observing you recently during practice?”

“W-Wait! Is he looking over here right now?”

“Not that I think. He’s occupied with the coach right now.”

“D-Do you think this is a good sign?”

Kuroko gives you a small smile before he replies, “I would like to think so. Keep working hard, (y/n)-san.”

and you do, you’re constantly on top of your game for the next season until Momoi suddenly gets more recognition for her “precognitive defense” skills

her newfound talent was extraordinary and never-before-seen, and her ability became more critical to Teiko’s victories than your own skills

you were happy and proud for her, because after all, her achievements were extremely deserving to be praised

it’s only when some 1st-string players started making offhand comments about how you weren’t really needed in the 1st-string and was more suited to the lower strings that placed seeds of doubt into you

these people would often compare you to Momoi in how she improved much more despite you being in the team for longer

there’s also talk about how your skills are more useful for 2nd-string and 3rd-string players because Momoi’s ability is already sufficient enough for Teiko’s starters

after all, how would a player even be injured if they can predict their opponents’ moves to avoid such incidents?

there’s also the fact that Akashi has been calling Momoi more frequently to research on upcoming teams for analytical data because her talent has become very useful to ensuring victory

the same peers and adults who gave you praise were the same people who began to ignore you or dismiss you; that being said, the collective change in attitude is definitely subtle enough that it would fly under most people’s radars

Kuroko was the first to notice and defend you against a small group of players who were bold enough to badmouth you in the gym

Kise would find out a little later about the somewhat unpleasant gossip about you and would pull the “no you” reverse card, returning back with MEANER underhanded comments that would send these shit talkers CRYING HOME (manga Kise strikes here unexpectedly eh?)

Murasakibara is someone who would be slightly uncomfortable with the gossip about you, especially since you’ve always been so helpful and kind to the team and himself; he’d either leave the room himself or easily scare them away with his looming height and presence without saying a single word when he enters the room “minding his own business”

Midorima is a bystander judging from how he’s reacted to the Teiko dynamic changes in the actual show // he, of course, wouldn’t like the nasty talk about you but would actually mind his own business, choosing to focus on himself and what he has to do to contribute to his team; he assumes that you would work hard the same way he is and let your contributions do the talking

now Akashi surprisingly wouldn’t hear much of the gossip, since his presence alone SHUTS them up and commit to their practices like normal; after all, it’s very clear that Akashi doesn’t tolerate this type of behavior in the team (example: Haizaki), and it’s more apparent that he wouldn’t hesitate to drop kick them out especially since he has a soft spot for you (which Kise never fails to bring this up to you, but you think he’s reaching too much into it) // TLDR; the teammates mostly have the common sense to not utter anything bad about you… maybe one kid would slip out and get punished for “bad sportsmanship,” but Akashi merely assumes that it’s just one bad apple and not necessarily… the many others as well

Aomine???? bro he ain’t even at practice wdym (HELPPP LMAOO) // jokes aside, if he catches wind of players shit-talking outside of the gym… say at the convenience store or when he’s walking home or something, well… they wouldn’t have a good time…

Momoi simply chastises the gossipers when they try to talk shit on you to make Momoi herself look good, and it leaves? such? a? horrible? taste? like, she wants to believe that they’re just really poor jokes and not what they really believe in, and the teammates merely reassure her that they’re just bad jokes and that they “wouldn’t do it again;” poor Momoi wholeheartedly believes them

the weird talks about Momoi being “the better manager” just signalled to you that you haven’t contributed enough to the team yet, and it motivated you to work even harder

oddly, you weren’t jealous of the fact that Momoi was receiving more positive attention than you

you were more afraid of the fact that you were going to get left behind, and this fear only tightened its hold on you when more teammates (who used to talk to you a lot) have changed their tunes when they speak with you now, compared to them talking to Momoi

and you felt that the Generation of Miracles would do the same too… including Akashi

it wasn’t an irrational fear for you because he’s already been calling Momoi a lot more frequently for help than you recently

so you even offered to mop the gym floors after practice, offered to stay later than usual to be the one to lock up the gym for anyone (cough, Kuroko) who wanted to practice whenever they wanted

at one point, you even tried to do what Momoi does: researching on upcoming teams and making your own predictions (that didn’t really work, and that cost you a few nights’ worth of sleep every single time)

not to mention that you still had regular school like any other student? you were the epitome of a mess

Kuroko was with you in the empty gym, you putting away the extra basketballs in the storage closet while he practiced his dribbling, until he heard a crash in there and a few basketballs rolled out the door

you collapsed right when you rolled in the basketball cart

POOR KUROKO HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO // he just tries to give you a piggyback ride as he abandons his plans of practice and tries to jog to the nearest local clinic

that’s where he bumped into Kise, who was heading home after an evening shoot when he saw the two of you

chaos ensue as Kise freaks out and Kuroko had to calm him down himself after answering the never-ending questions

at least the doctor there gave relieving news that you only collapsed from over-exhaustion and that the bruises from the fall were very faint

Kise makes a joke to Kuroko about, “What’s with you and (y/n)-cchi falling to the floor and fainting? You guys can’t be that alike.”

when you shortly regain consciousness, you were met with a… very stern Kuroko and Kise, who were both ready to hear your explanation and to scold you to oblivion

to your surprise, they were understanding; Kuroko understands the feeling of not being enough and working hard to meet other people’s expectations, and Kise understands the struggle of juggling multiple things in his schedule (come on, student, athlete, and model?)

they still scolded your ears off:

“(y/n)-san, you idiot. Why didn’t you ask anyone to help out?”

“That’s…”

“(y/n)-cchi, do you think we’re undependable?!”

“Er, no, that’s…”

you were still dizzy from the fall and the lack of proper sleep (and maybe nutrition if we’re being honest), and you were just a ball of stress

you kind of begged your best friends not to tell a SOUL to anyone about this incident, especially to Akashi… you didn’t want to look even more incapable in his eyes than you already were

they do agree on one condition: for you to take AT LEAST a day or two off school to completely recover and rest up (you reluctantly agree; besides how were you going to explain the bruises that can’t be covered to your peers?)

HELP WHY ARE KISE AND KUROKO THE BEST LIARS TOGETHER ON CAMPUS LITERALLY NO ONE SUSPECTS A THING… except Akashi, the ever sharp captain, felt something was amiss

especially since some Teiko players emanated a feeling of relief at the news of you not being here that day, or the next

Akashi would play detective sleuth and find out what’s really going on sooner or later

End Note: gonna cut this off here b/c I KNOW this anon got a juicy part two i FEEL IT

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funny-house · 3 years

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huhu u got me to watch opal the other day since u keep talking abt it and im glad bc i Really Enjoyed It but !! anyways , i saw u mention mirror man doing makeup for someone and i keep thinking about it so Thoughts Incoming sorry in advance lmao. i think he would like to do claires makeup (and teach her abt it in general) when she gets a bit older,, both bc it seems like a legitimate hobby he would enjoy (i imagine if he werent Like That he probably could have been a makeup artist or something similar!) and bc he would like to ‘prettify’ her a bit.

and ah well,,, a lot of parents Like Him sometimes try 2 make their child a carbon copy of themselves or of an image they enjoy so if he grew to like claire more or already does like her enough for that (or just, wants things to revolve around him More) hed try to nudge things in that direction. and in his own way i think He might think hes doing something good, he knows when he was her age he would have killed to have a parent so eager to help him learn makeup and stuff but. claire isnt him. she probably isnt even interested in it at all but shes kinda desperate for Nice Moments and also doesnt wanna risk making him angry so she goes along with it. she always has her head in the clouds so all the things hes saying is too much at once but shes trying to comprehend it,,,,,

nd he keeps giggling at her for how awkwardly she moves her arm when putting on foundation and blush nd gets kind of annoyed with her for repeatedly flinching when he tries to help her with mascara nd teases her a bit for trying to taste the lip gloss (and keeps pointing out a flaw or two on her face “well, youve always had a sort of weird shaped face but youve always had the cutest little smile, its like Mine :)”) but they do it !! together !!! and nothing (that) bad happened !!!!!! so claire is happy,,,,,,,,,,, until that inevitably opens the gates of him trying to pick out what she wears for her and “””suggesting””” hairstyles for her and getting manipulative and even flatout Angry when she doesnt do what he wants her to (bc even when things Seem like theyre about claire they Are Not, its what He wants for her , in the end its still all about him) but, ive rambled enough to you already <:o) sorry for talking so much i just wanted to chat a bit abt opal with you !!!! hope ur doing well hehe . and im sorry this is rambly nd probably incomprehensible i just did a lot of work hkehri

ohhhhhhhh !!! FIRST I am super glad that all my constant rambling about this man has allowed you to go watch Jack Stauber’s awesome little short, it’s really good and deserves all the support !!!

also i totally appreciate you wanting to share your thoughts with me ;u;

AND I TOTALLY AGREE the whole idea of him projecting himself onto her, trying to take over her, I think that is so fitting for the short itself tbh, because it’s a reflection ( mirrors, hehe ) of what the mother wants from Claire as well. The thing that terrified Claire near the end is the mother reaching to hold onto her, specifically after the mom said that she was going to become just like her. The idea of her becoming her parents? it terrifies her, clearly!!

And Mirror Man, he is what they call a “archetypal narcissistic abuser”, in my eyes at least, and it would be really really common to see someone like that not only be so controlling and self absorbed that they treat their child like a decoration to themselves, but also use that child, especially as they get old enough to have opinions on the situation, to turn them against their partner-- such as.... the mom

so picture this

Claire is like 10-12, and she’s bright and she’s got a good heart but she’s WELL and truly Affected by the years of being brought up in that ridiculously toxic hell hole-- I mean house no idea if the grandpa would live that long uhhh in his state, but even if he does, he’s still very sick, disabled, and senile and he isn’t going to be much help. and Claire, she’s starting to have Opinions,, on how things are running around here,, but in swoops Mirror Dad

He’s like........ it’s your mother’s fault. Oh, absolutely, have you seen her? I mean look at her, she’s disgusting. she’s a drug addict, she’s a drunk, she’s ugly, she’s the reason you feel like this-- and maybe some of that is understandable, i mean she’s a real mess of a mom, no mistake, but hey

Nobody’s going to tell Claire who made her that way! Nobody’s going to tell her Mirror Dad was the one who trapped her in an unloving, possibly violent relationship, with a kid, and ripped apart every inch of her self worth !!!

Nope. she just sees the aftermath. So mirror dad...... turns claire on her. And she starts to side with him on things and she starts to even kinda talk like him maybe even....... learns how to do that dark and scary insecurity voice of his and one day She walks by the.... Reflection Chamber and Mirror Man is there in that way He Always Is in that seat he always sits in, and he says something very very odd to her! he raises a finger and curls it in and says come sit on my lap you haven’t gotten too big to sit on my lap have you?? come here!! and i mean Claire is still very very uncomfortable even being near him, and this feels like a trap, but i mean she can’t just say no, and there’s a part of her that’s kinda hoping... maybe he really is trying to be nice. and so she does and she sits with her but you’ll notice he is never looking directly at her. Even as she’s approaching literally right in his line of sight, he stares straight into her reflection, never her face. It’s like she’s not even real unless she’s in those mirrors.

And he tells her he wants to do her makeup! yay! how fun! and he tells her to close her eyes and pout her lips and try not to flinch when the sculpting starts or he’ll use his deep voice-- and how he’s going to finally FIX her. Goody!! then maybe the constant barrage of insults and negs and criticisms will stop!! (p.s. they wouldn’t have )

And so she opens her eyes..... and the face of her abuser is looking right back. It’s her face. Or it used to be-- now it’s literally his and it’s hideous-- it does not AT ALL belong on that body, and the only thing left of her is her big shiny eyes

and she S C R E A M S that way Claire does,,,

but this time, loud enough to crack the mirrors, and stun the dad just long enough for him not to catch her in his hands when she leaps off his lap and books it for the attic the attic, the view of the billboard with the same worn out, not updated ad for Opal’s in the window. She locks the door, it doesn’t take long for mirror man to come banging on it, telling her she’s ungrateful, she doesn’t deserve what little she has, taking back every nice thing he ever said, etc,,,

and Opal just starts clawing off the makeup/clay/whatever from her face in the mirror’s glass reflection, putting her hair back into the pigtails her father said made her look stupid

but she isn’t Opal, she’s changed, she’s aged, but Opal-- she’s always the same!! happy!! cared for!! and what is she supposed to be under the makeup? huh? Who is she besides the abuse she’s put through, that billboard and what it sells to her? she doesn’t know! nobody does nobody ever bothered to get to know what it even means to be Claire.

#HAHA. THINGS GOT OUT OF HAND WOOPS--#tw for..... just... the most depressing bs lmao #mail time !!#Claire #Opal #Mirror Man #Jack Stauber #shrigis

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sanstropfremir · 3 years

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I think at this point I’m just using these asks to get your opinions on artists that I like so hope you don’t mind (I can stop if you want) cause you have a lot of great insight on the industry (I mean you are a professional). Okay so I’m going to assume that you aren’t that much of a girl group fan but are you familiar with Dreamcatcher? Concept wise they’re the closest a girl group (or really any group) has gotten to Vixx’s stuff and I love their nightmare horror concept they have going on (at least with their first 5/6 releases) and their choreo is top notch (in my opinion). The intro to Good Night’s dance is *chef’s kiss*. Love the creepy doll/marionette vibes. One of my many gripes with a lot of current groups is that they don’t fully commit to concepts and prefer to go for a water down, glam, non controversial version of whatever concept they choose so they don’t go all the way which isn’t bad necessarily but there’s just so much more potential to go wild but that’s not the case for Deamcatcher. They’re really leaning into the whole horror, fantasy dystopian theme and I’m living for it (their first three MVs are some of my favorite story based mvs). It also doesn’t hurt that most of their discography have a rock element (or are just full on metal-Light My Flame has such strong Nightwish vibes I got yeeted back to middle school) to them.

ok i finally got to this!! please keep asking me about other artists because its great exercise for me and also it's fun! answering questions about kpop is my only hobby at the moment because i am still deep in the throes of trying to graduate.

I would agree that they are the closest ive seen to anyone coming to vixx at their horror heyday. with the exception of a few shots, chase me and good night could have easily passed for mvs filmed in 2012/2013; chase me in particular absolutely has a voodoo doll/hyde flavour. they obviously put most of the conceptual energy into the mvs, which is not a flaw at all, but like with every kpop group that does larger concept work i always want to see it pulled through way more in the actual performances. especially in the costuming! now i realize this is a little unfair because dreamcatcher jumps right in the deep end with their debut track and obviously the monetary priority is into the mv, and also they’re not going to go full horror right away, but dear lord those first few stage costumes. don’t make me look at them any longer. but thankfully when they got more established they started putting money into costuming. i feel like i dont talk about costuming nearly enough for the actual amount of time i spend thinking about it or working with it. their most recent stuff definitely has that a more consistent and larger scale aesthetic symmetry which i definitely appreciate, but i do also miss that contained, stylistic simplicity that comes with the 2012/2013 era of concepts that they were trying to emulate with their first three mvs.

i'm not that familiar with girl group choreographies and their general trends as a whole, so i can't really comment much on how they compare, but they do quite frequently have very good intros and occasionally an unusual sequence here or there. they do quite a lot of hand work which takes not an insignificant amount of skill. there’s also a short waacking moment in the dance break in fly high, which surprised me because i think this is the only time i’ve seen a waacking sequence like that in a kpop routine? (it pales in comparison to an actual waacker but still). the intro for good night is excellent and i think probably my favourite choreographic moment, and i think it's the closest they get to fulfilling the horror concepts from their mvs in the choreography itself. obviously they aren’t going to be able to fake stab the members on stage a la voodoo doll, but there are only a few of the stages that i’ve watched where they actually get close to matching that same energy. red sun, scream, and the intro of good night are my favourites, song wise and choreographically.

these aren’t the most in depth analyses in the world because that would take a lot more time and i wanted to get this out before the next kingdom episode, but if anyone has any mvs or anything specific about dreamcatcher they want to ask me to look at just let me know!

#dreamcatcher #like i said in my taemin mask post we're so unlikely to see actually ugly/horrifying concepts especially in stage performances #but oh man do i want to see some really dramatic makeup looks on these girls #theyre also plagued by the curse of kpop gg fashion #but theyre a tiny bit better about it at least #also very glad to hear some kpop songs with rock + metal elements #i LOVE scream what an excellent title track #kpop analysis #kpop questions #text #group analysis #dreamcatcher w

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theycallmegothboy · 3 years

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1-100 >:DDDD REVENGE!!!

FELIXXXXXXXXXXXX >:(( 1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? -spotify 2. is your room messy or clean? -it’s pretty messy i guess 3. what color are your eyes? -blue and grey

4. do you like your name? why? -yeah it’s fine 5. what is your relationship status? -single 6. describe your personality in 3 words or less -certified intrusive thot 7. what color hair do you have? -brown and rn it’s red 8. what kind of car do you drive? color? -i dont have a car 9. where do you shop? -hot topic, goodwill, target 10. how would you describe your style? -comfy emo 11. favorite social media account -of mine, probably discord or youtube 12. what size bed do you have? -twin >:(( 13. any siblings? -i have 1.5 brothers 14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? -probably vancouver, idk canada seems lit 15. favorite snapchat filter? -i like the one with devil horns and a tail but its cute 16. favorite makeup brand(s) -i dont wear makeup 17. how many times a week do you shower? -i used to shower every day, but i dont do anything that gets me dirty so like maybe 3 times but if i leave the house then i shower 18. favorite tv show? -stranger things 19. shoe size? -8 or 9 20. how tall are you? -5′6 with shoes >:(( 21. sandals or sneakers? -sneakers wtf 22. do you go to the gym? -lol no 23. describe your dream date -making some pie or something together and then eating the pie and then sitting on some rooftop looking at stars 24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? -quite a bit actually but i’m saving up for a phone lol so soon it will be like maybe 10 dollars lmao 25. what color socks are you wearing? -not wearing socks but the ones i had earlier were white (ankle length) 26. how many pillows do you sleep with? -just one but it sucks 27. do you have a job? what do you do? -NO BUT IM TRYING TO GET A JOB BUT THE FUCKIN PEOPLE THERE ARE GHOSTING ME AND WONT REPLY TO MY EMAILS SO LIKE SBJHBJS 28. how many friends do you have? -like 4 lmao 29. whats the worst thing you have ever done? -idk nothing super bad but i do a lot of small shit that makes me feel guilty when i realize what i did 30. whats your favorite candle scent? -juniper rosewood 31. 3 favorite boy names -leo, clay, charlie 32. 3 favorite girl names -ivy, uh... idk thats all ive got 33. favorite actor? -no clue 34. favorite actress? -no clue 35. who is your celebrity crush? -not a celeb but i’d smash danny phantom 36. favorite movie? -nightmare before christmas or edward scissorhands 37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? -no, but my fav book is probably the prince and the pauper? idk 38. money or brains? -CASH MONEYYYY jk probably brains but if your entire personality is being “smart” like fuck off lmao 39. do you have a nickname? what is it? - a bunch of people call me son (see #49, #100), some call me rat, dumdum, goth boy

40.how many times have you been to the hospital? -just once i think when i was birthed. i also went once with my brother cause he kicked some scissors i left out on the floor and it sliced his toe the fuck open and he needed stitches and i watched him get the stitches and almost passed out :/ 41. top 10 favorite songs -please dont make me do this i dont have it in me 42. do you take any medications daily? -yea i take 20mg of vyvanse but i need to get it raised to 30 cause 20 is Not Enough 43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) -i got some dry fuckin skin yall dont even know 44. what is your biggest fear? -it depends. the dark is a pretty constant one though 45. how many kids do you want? -like 2 or 3 eventually 46. whats your go to hair style? -in my face, looking stupid 47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) -it’s pretty small 48. who is your role model? -i dont fuckin know lmao 49. what was the last compliment you received? - “i belive in you, my son, you’re an amazing human being“ (same friend mentioned in #100, not actually a parent of mine) 50. what was the last text you sent? -”no it’s a raccoon“ YOU GET NO CONTEXT LMAO 51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? -i dont think i ever hardcore believed in him, maybe i did though i remember sleeping under the tree one christmas eve waiting for him but i was like “oh yeah that makes sense“ i guess 52. what is your dream car? -i honestly dont give a shit as long as it actually fucking works 53. opinion on smoking? -cigarettes? fuck no that’s nastyyy. weed? that’s fine i guess but wait till you’re like 18. 54. do you go to college? -no. am sophomore n highschool 55. what is your dream job? -musician/palentologist 56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? -fuck the suburbs lmao, but also im tired of rural, so like.. semi urban?? 57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? -no but i take the little soaps >:)) 58. do you have freckles? -yes 59. do you smile for pictures? -awkwardly, yes 60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? -dont have a phone but i have like 12 on my computer currently. 4 are of me, the rest are of my cat or random shit 61. have you ever peed in the woods? -yes 62. do you still watch cartoons? -cartoons these days kinda suck but like if they were good fuck yeah i would like gravity falls can come hang yknow? 63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? -i had nuggets from mcdonalds today so i guess them? i dont really care 64. Favorite dipping sauce? -i got sweet and sour but i dont like it that much. that schezuan sauce was great 65. what do you wear to bed? -wouldnt you like to know? ;)) 66. have you ever won a spelling bee? -NO ive only been in two. the first one i misspelled the word “turmoil“ cause i had never heard it before and the second one i spelled the word “owed“ as “ode“ cause i was thinking like ode to joy and then i felt like a big Fool afterwards :(( 67. what are your hobbies? -lol what hobbies 68. can you draw? -i am physically able to draw, but not well, no 69 (haha). do you play an instrument? -yeah i play a few 70. what was the last concert you saw? -i saw Chicago in either georgia or tennessee i cant remember in like 2016 71. tea or coffee? -hot coffee, iced tea. NOT the other way around. (i love both though) 72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? -starbucks 73. do you want to get married? -sure why not 74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? -dont have a crush 75. are you going to change your last name when you get married? -idk maybe 76. what color looks best on you? -i dont know but i wear black a lot and that’s pretty dope 77. do you miss anyone right now? -yeah 78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? -closed 79. do you believe in ghosts? -on the fence. not 100% “oh my god look at these gHoSt oRbS i need to sage my house!!!“ but i accept that there’s some things i wont understand about the world and that i have no answers to. i wouldnt be surprised if there are, and i wouldnt be surprised if there aren’t. 80. what is your biggest pet peeve? -whatever my adhd decides i viscerally hate with a firey passion right at that moment 81. last person you called -my brother (the 1 of the 1.5 from #13 and the one who sliced his toe in #40) 82. favorite ice cream flavor? -chocolate is dope 83. regular oreos or golden oreos? -regular double stuff. if you say golden, mint, peppermint, or thin oreos i’m gonna have to euthanize you, i dont make the rules. 84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? -rainbow cause it’s prettier 85. what shirt are you wearing? -queen shirt from hot topic 86. what is your phone background? -i didnt get a phone between question 60 and now but my computer one is some mountains with the moon in the background 87. are you outgoing or shy? -really depends on who i’m around 88. do you like it when people play with your hair? -YES FUCK AAAAAAA (this girl played with my hair literally once in middle school and i was like oh shit and i had a crush on her until the end of middle school true story,,, so ashley if you’re out there-) 89. do you like your neighbors? -to the left they’re fine and their dog is nice but idk what happened to the horses so that’s sus but that’s where our cat came from so they can hang guess, behind me they’re fine but their boys are loud, to the right they’re fine, and even further to the right are the dope neighbors and waaaaaaaaaay far to the right is a llama and he’s dope as hell 90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? -whenever the fuck i remember to/have the energy 91. have you ever been high? -i dont think so but i wouldnt put it past myself 92. have you ever been drunk? -not that i can remember, no 93. last thing you ate? -sloppy joe from a can 94. favorite lyrics right now -”not gonna waste my life, cause i’ve been fucked up“ 95. summer or winter? -fall. fuck you 96. day or night? -night but i like it when it’s actually night and it doesnt get dark at like 4 fucking pm cause that makes me depressed 97. dark, milk, or white chocolate? -dark is good, milk is fine, white is only suitable for fancy stripes on chocolate covered strawberries 98. favorite month? -i vibe with september 99. what is your zodiac sign -sagittarius (was almost a scorpio but i was holding out >:))) 100. who was the last person you cried in front of? -in person, my mom like 6 months ago, on a discord call, my friend (i love you by the way, you’re the best,,, i dont think he has tumblr but im just putting it out there) like a month or so ago. i hate crying in front of people, i turn into such a hyperventilating snot monster which is not suitable for human gaze and thats the real tea :/

felix this took like 2 hours of my life i will never get back i hate you and i hope you’re happy with what you’ve done <3 <3

also anyone who wants to stalk me, enjoy this information that im handing to you on a silver platter :)) <3

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sprnklersplashes · 4 years

Text

heart of stone (6/?)

AO3

Janis ditches the tights and jean shorts by Wednesday. There’s a slight look of ‘I told you so’ on her mother’s face, but she spares Janis the lecture out of politeness. Janis never thought she’d miss them, but here she is.

Sitting cross-legged on her bed, she scribbles another flower on the page, a twin for the one next to it. Not an exact twin, it’s thinner and its petals are more spiked and sharp than the one she drew before it. It’s less inviting, more dangerous. Angry, even. Like if she picked it up she’d cut her finger on it. She hadn’t intended for it to happen; in fact, she’d set out to doodle some pretty little flowers in an attempt to brighten up her sketchbook. But the pencil, as it often does, did what it wanted. She turns it on the side, trying to find a way to like it. It’s not bad work, not her best but certainly not her worst. Maybe she could like it if she had drawn it earlier, but she had really been hoping to get something nice into her book today.

With a sigh, she sets the book on her lap and swings her body around so that her feet dangle over the edge of her bed. Her next round of chemo isn’t due for a few hours, a long stretch of time to attempt to fill with activity. While she’s only been in the hospital for two full days, she’s decided that the worst part is the waiting around for the next thing to happen. Granted, much of that can be put on her as she’s spent more time in her room than she has anywhere else, distracting herself with TV and art and her parents and texting her friends every chance she can get. It all comes together and forms some kind of routine for her, one that’s built with as much familiarity and comfort as possible woven through it. The only downside to it is that the room’s been getting progressively smaller since two days ago and it wasn’t long before it started choking her.

She left the door slightly open and peers into the hallway, the brightness of the walls striking against the cool tones of her room. She can hear the faint sounds of half-conversations that overlap with each other; nurses gossiping with each other while fiddling with IVs, the inhabitants of the longue talking and laughing about who knows what, doctors prescribing new rounds of medicine. The ward is much more alive than she had Janis ever thought it could be, a constant hum in the background of the day to day life keeps the place awake.

She taps her nails on the cover of her book, her swinging legs gaining momentum as she debates following the pull in her chest, compelling her to maybe leave her room for more than five minutes at a time and follow the sounds of conversation. Maybe talk to people who aren’t her medical team or her parents. Make some friends, because as everyone knows, cancer wards are prime social hotspots. She may not be here forever, but she’ll be here long enough to justify getting comfortable.

What’s the worst that can happen, logic had asked her that first night.

Literally so freaking much, she responded. Friends aren’t exactly her strong suit. Regina was a mistake, Damian was luck, and Cady was a gift. She could indulge her inner loser and tell herself it’s because she’s special and tailor made to a few specific people, but the thought of that makes her roll her eyes. So she faces up to the truth and all it entails; that she’s merely been unlucky in the friendship department, something that can be boiled down to one terrible experience and everything that came after it and lingers long after the smoke has cleared.

You’re being ridiculous she tells herself. If there’s a Regina George clone here, she’ll be thoroughly impressed. So she pulls her boots on and pushes herself off the bed, quickly explaining to her mom that she’s going to hang out in the longue for a bit.

“You need me to come with you?”

“I’m fine,” she says, a small smile on her face as she pulls on a cardigan. She nods at the intense competitive cooking show her mom has on the TV. “Tell me who wins. And don’t leave out any details.”

“Well we both know it’s not going to be Leticia judging by the look of that beef,” she says seriously. Janis clicks her tongue before turning and heading down, her steps smaller than normal and her sketchbook held against her chest like a shield. Her stomach twists uneasily, not from the chemo or anything like that, just from good old-fashioned anxiety. In an odd way, it’s a relief to feel ill in that way.

When she pushes herself past the open doors, all eyes turn to her and only look away to talk with other people. It’s far more populated than the last time she was here, people sitting in groups of two and three, most in pyjamas and some with hats. But all of them in groups, belonging with each other. Is this how Cady felt all those months ago, when she and Damian spotted her heading to the bathroom? Maybe her girlfriend had the right idea that day. A bathroom stall is a way better alternative to a room full of strangers.

Unfortunately, she knows better by now, and so she settles in an armchair as gracefully as she can, her legs tucked beneath her, and tries to shake off the discomfort she feels by opening her book and giving her hands something to do.

“You’re new,” a girl sitting on the floor states. She’s one of the few that actually has hair, dark brown and curly, and it makes Janis feel a little more at ease. Is that bad, she has to ask.

“Third day,” she explains, offering her a small wave. “I’m Janis.”

“Melissa,” she says. She leans back on her arms and exposes a little bandage inside her elbow. Janis pulls her own arm a little closer. Melissa doesn’t seem to notice, instead gesturing to her with her chin.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, this?” she asks, her cheeks growing warm. “Oh, just some drawings I do.”

“Cool,” she says. “So you do art?”

“Sometimes it’s like the art does me," she says dryly, earning a chuckle. “But you know how it is.”

“My best friend says that all the time,” Melissa sighs. “She says she wants to go to art college but I’ve watched her cry over trying to hand in assignments.”

“You sound like my mom,” Janis replies. “Literally every time I bring up doing art in college she tells me how stressful it is.” She shrugs lightly. “She’s not wrong, but it’s the only thing I want to do.”

“Is your mom here?”

“Yeah, she’s back in my room,” she explains. “I left her watching some cooking show on TV.”

“Wow, and you’ve only just here. I’ve been here for a month and I only just got my mom to let me out of her sight,” she sighs, a resigned smile on her face and her eyebrow raised in a silent ‘you know how it is’. “Want to play some Scrabble? We’ve started keeping a scoreboard so we can add you in. We have a whole tournament going.”

“Sounds fun,” Janis says, pushing herself off the chair. “Although I should give you warning, I’m dyslexic, so I kind of suck at it.”

Janis follows her across the longue, slipping her hand into her pocket when she thinks she sees the other girl reach out to her. There’s a pang of guilt in Janis’ chest even though Melissa doesn’t seem to care, and she does her best to work through it. She exchanges names and smiles with other kids, all introduced by Melissa. It’s an odd feeling; she’s not used to being the one who’s introduced. She’s either known people so long she doesn’t need to or she’s the one making the introduction, but today her mouth feels dry and her tongue tied so much that all she can do is say ‘hi’ and try to keep up with the rest of the little group. But despite this, and despite the fact that she does supremely suck at Scrabble, they aren’t half bad. They welcome her in with no problem at all, asking her about school and life and art as they set up tiles and she knows the right questions to ask them. She laughs at their jokes and nods along to the conversation, even adding in her own take now and again as it builds into a steady flow.

It’s not entirely perfect; she can’t help but feel slightly on the outside when they bring up a nurse or a patient she doesn’t know and she’s much more quiet than she’s used to being, unsure which, if any, topics are off-limits, where the lines are. But she’s enjoying herself enough to drown out her earlier worries even if it can’t make them fade entirely, and her mood only picks up when she hears someone behind her say (squeal) her name, followed a flash of pink and rainbow appearing in her vision. How times change when a pink sweater can make her smile instead of grimace.

“Maddie!” The younger girl leans into her side, eyes bright and sparkling, and Janis puts an arm around her shoulders. “Hey kid, where have you been?”

“Where have you been more like,” she replies. “I haven’t seen you since Monday.”

“Been busy,” she says. No one presses, likely because they all understand. They’ve all been where she is before. “And now I’m busy losing at Scrabble. Badly.” Maddie chuckles and when her arms wrap around Janis and chin rests on her shoulder, she can’t say no to it. There’s nothing uncomfortable about such a gesture and it almost feels as natural as hugging Damian or when Karen rests her head on her shoulder, despite her only knowing the girl for two days.

“Oh hey, did they tell you about the photography thing yet?” she asks.

“That what now?”

“Oh it’s this thing the cancer centre started,” Melissa explains. “Basically they want us to take pictures of stuff that matters to us. Us doing hobbies, us with our friends, the whole shebang. It’s meant to be about our cancer not defining us or whatever.” She gives a casual shrug. “It’s fun anyway. You should do it. Especially since you have your art thing.”

“Sounds like fun,” she says before poking Maddie in the ribs. “Now come on, kid. Help me make a word out of these.”

And maybe it’s Maddie’s presence or just time passing, but Janis suddenly finds herself a lot less anxious. She even gets to the point where she trades playful insults with another kid, a boy around her age, and form a team up of sorts against him with one of the other girls. They can’t replace her real friends and she wouldn’t try to, the bonds she’s formed with Damian and Cady are too important and were put through too much to be replicated, but she suspects that they could quickly become new friends.

What’s more, treatments and diagnosis come in and out of the conversation with unexpected ease, and when Janis talks about her own, it’s the same. She hadn’t realised how much of this she’d held back, even in her texts and calls with Damian and talks with her mom. And while she feels bad for it, it also feels so, so good to talk to people like this. People who aren’t her parents or her doctors. People who are, well… like her.

And as it turns out, her next round is scheduled the same time as Melissa’s, and so they head down the hallway together. While Melissa continues to make conversation, Janis’ responses dwindle the closer she gets to her room. It doesn’t take long for the good feeling from the longue to fade, and the image of the needle in her vein becomes sharper in her mind.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Janis asks suddenly.

“Sure.”

“Does it…” She swallows past the lump in her throat. She finds a loose thread on her cardigan and toys with it until the question comes out. “Does it ever get easier? All this?”

“Well…” Melissa stops in their tracks and Janis almost trips as she does the same, immediately regretting asking. The other girl bites her lip, searching for the right answer. It feels like hours before she says “I don’t really know. I can’t speak for you. We’re all different here.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “I mean… I guess you get used to it. So it starts getting less scary, I guess.”

Janis only nods and then Melissa reaches out and taps her arm.

“It doesn’t stop sucking,” she sighs. “You just get used to it sucking.”

“And then we all bond over it sucking?” she asks, smirking.

“You get it,” she replies with a laugh. “See you later, Janis.”

“Bye.”

After Melissa leaves, she lingers in the hallway for a minute, pressing her finger into the spot where her IV goes. The problem is exactly what Melissa said-you get used to it. And she really, really doesn’t want to get used to it. Getting used it to means that she’ll be here for a while, that something else replaces her old life. Especially now, after the year she had last year, she wants to get used to good stuff, not stuff that ‘sucks’. The idea of this, medicines and hospitals and doctors, becoming normal to her sends a shiver down her back.

But she learned a while ago how to live in reality, even when it’s not what she wants. And it’s with that attitude she walks into her room, where she finds not only her IV set up, but a text from Cady detailing something funny from her math class and how much she misses her.

Even if she gets used to everything else, she knows she’ll never, ever get used to missing Cady.

*****

Friday morning, she wakes later than she normally does. It’s a slow process at the start, sleep pulling her in and begging her to stay, the hospital-issue sheets softer than soft around her and forming a cosy cocoon that she’s so tempted to remain in.

That is, until she remembers what day it is, and then she’s jolted awake.

Friday. Or as she’s called it, Damian-and-Cady day.

It was an unspoken agreement that the two of them were visiting her in here. Just like her father, they were insistent on coming over every moment they could, with Damian jokingly suggesting he could hide under her bed and they could have a sleep over (which they had considered in seriousness and attempted to plan). But thanks to a little thing called school, and another thing called distance, today was the first day she could see them, which is why now she’s wide awake, bright eyed, bushy tailed, everything. Because she’s finally seeing them again and filling the hole in her soul being away from them had carved.

“Morning, kid,” her mom says cheerily, entering the room with a cup of coffee in one hand. “They’re still serving breakfast downstairs, or if you want it brought up to you-”

“Sounds great, Mom,” she replies, only half paying attention. She turns on her phone, her leg bouncing anxiously as she waits for it to load. Has it always been this slow at turning on? She swears it hasn’t been. It takes an eternity for her lockscreen to come up, the time written across it in thin white numbers.

“Ten thirty?” she reads out loud before her head snaps up. “Mom, why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Why would I?” she asks. “You need all the rest you can get, and you’ve still got time before you’re due a round.”

“I know,” she sighs, rubbing her eyes. “But Cady and I text good morning to each other and it was my turn this morning. I don’t want her to think I forgot.”

“Well, I’m sure Cady understands. You know, with all that’s going on, maybe she’s not expecting good mornings right now.”

“Course she is,” she replies quickly. In what universe would Cady not wait for a good morning from her? “It’s our thing. Didn’t you and Dad have a thing?” She types out the message and sends it quickly, although Cady probably won’t see it for at least another two hours.

“Oh, you think we did good morning e-mails back in those days?” she says, laughing a little. She sits on the bed next to her on the bed. “So are you getting some breakfast? Someone can bring it up if you don’t feel up to going down, I’ll just tell them what you want-”

“It’s fine, Mom.” She reaches under the bed and pulls on a sweater before slipping into her boots and raking a brush through her hair. “I might as well go down. Someone might take the last yogurt while I’m down there.”

Truthfully, she doesn’t really feel like eating. Not anything bad, she’s just not hungry, but it’ll put her mom’s mind at ease. Just as she thought, the tension fades from her mom’s shoulders, and when she pats her shoulder, there’s more relief in her smile than just breakfast warrants.

She eats in her room, with the TV on, like she does when she’s sick at home. She could eat in the dining room, but despite the new friends she’s made she prefers eating in private, especially away from the buzzing nurses. As she flips around the channels, her phone buzzes on the plastic table, the screen lighting up to show her a new text that makes her smile and roll her eyes at once.

‘Good morning, babe. Can’t wait to see you today. Also, ik I can’t really change it now, but what do we think of the outfit?’

Beneath the message is a picture of Cady in her bedroom mirror, clad in a black vest and blue flannel shirt with white skinny jeans, her hair held back in a high, loose ponytail, soft curls framing her round face, her eyes looking up at the mirror as she gives an open, toothy grin. And Janis can’t help it, she squeals. God damn it, her girlfriend is cute.

‘Love it, love it, love it. You’re the queen of cuteness. And apparently, texting during class. Stop doing that. If I get a text from you between now and lunch I will not cuddle you later.’

‘I’m not texting during class, it’s study hall.’ Wow, what on Earth has happened to the ever-studious, rule following Cady Heron? Not even Plastic Cady texted during study hall. ‘Besides, you have to cuddle with me. It’s legally required and I’m deprived of Janis cuddles.’

‘Only if you be good and don’t text during school hours.’ She fires back, chuckling under her breath. ‘And you remain that freaking adorable.’

“Well someone’s in a good mood.” She looks up and sees Doctor Wiley standing in the doorway, and her smile dips a little, the perfect bubble she was sitting in with Cady ruined. Not enough to ruin her mood, nothing could do that, but it shakes it.

“It’s her girlfriend,” her mom explains.

“How do you know that?”

“Your smile,” she says. “It’s your ‘Cady smile’.”

“I don’t…” Her voice trails off and her mom simply shrugs. Well look at that. She’s that girlfriend now.

“Well, that’s nice to hear,” Wiley says, striding towards her. Under the table, Janis crosses her fingers that this is a normal good morning visit. She’ll take bad news on any day that’s not Damian-and-Cady day. “So, Janis, a lot of us on your team have been talking and we’ve decided to ask if you might want to get a port inserted.”

“A what?” she asks.

“Think of it like a little reservoir put underneath your skin,” he explains. “Just to make receiving the chemo easier on you. A lot of patients have one put in.”

“Oh, wow.” Way to bring the mood down, Doc, she thinks. Sometimes she envies the younger patients who have their parents making all the hard decisions. Still, one word sticks out in all that. “It makes it easier?”

“Quite a bit easier,” he agrees. “For one thing, it’s a lot more comfortable than an IV.” There’s a plus. “And a lower risk of your medicine leaking out-”

“Sounds cool,” she interrupts quickly before he can bring up an image she doesn’t want. “Um, can I think about it? I mean, is it urgent?”

“No, of course not,” Wiley replies with a stiff smile. “I’ll let you and your mom discuss it.”

He leaves them after an uncomfortable silence, nodding to her and her mom and reminding her that he’s around if she has any questions.

“So what do you think?” her mom asks.

“I don’t think.” She picks her phone back up and jumps off the bed. “Where did you put my clothes?”

“I put everything in your bag, it’s under the bed,” she replies. Janis pulls out her bag, sorting through the mass of denim, cotton, plaid and leather, all while her mom hovers behind her with anxious eyes that drill into her back. "Janis, you should consider this.”

“And I will,” she sighs. She pulls out a shirt she’s always liked and throws it on the bed. “Just not right now.” She shakes her head, trying to clear some of the smoke in her brain. Still sitting on the ground, she looks up at her mom and sighs. “Mom, I just want to not think about cancer stuff right now. I just want to see my friends and think about that.” She toys with the shirt in her hands and bunches it into a tight ball, her arms tense and shaking and her grip tight. “Is that okay?”

Her voice sounds impossibly broken on that question. And while it wasn’t intentional, it works on her mom, who nods and comes over to pat her hair.

“Okay, sweetie,” she says, and that’s the temporary end of it.

The day passes even slower than it normally does in hospital-time. Hours stretch on and on with no end in sight and she can’t distract herself no matter what she tries to do. She can’t focus long enough to read or settle on one TV show and even games in the longue can only get her so far. She tries checking her social media when on her IV, but she’s hardly there a minute before her anxiety peaks again after seeing pictures of her friends. Besides, it’s mostly dry now, everyone else is in class.

Finally, finally, it comes to the afternoon and it’s close enough that she can justify beginning to get ready. She stretches, grateful for the little power nap she took earlier, and fishes her make-up out of her bag. It’s not everything, but it’ll have to work, as will the tiny mirror in her bathroom.

“What’s going on in here?” The voice makes Janis jump six feet, even though it’s the honey-toned voice of one of the older nurses. “Little makeover.”

“Just wanted to look nice today,” she explains as she unscrews the foundation. She’s a little bit surprised to see that she’s not out of practice since she’s been bare-faced for well over a week now. Bigger priorities and all that.

“Her girlfriend’s coming over today,” her mom says in a low voice.

“It’s not just that,” she says, even though it might be. “Damian will also be here.”

“Oh you kids and your relationships,” the nurse chuckles as she takes the empty bags out. In the mirror, Janis sees her point sternly in her direction as though she were her mother. “Just remember Janis, if she really cares about you, she won’t care how much muck you have on your face.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she says as she applies a coat of eyeshadow, deep indigo and sparkling under the low lights. She adds a generous amount of purple lipstick next, a shade that’s always been a favourite of hers, and four coats of mascara. Some say that’s overkill, she disagrees. Bigger, bolder, better after all.

She takes a second before looking at herself properly, and when she does it makes her happier than it has any right to be. She looks like herself again. Not a girl with cancer. A girl who is perfectly healthy and happy, the dark circles around her eyes and the pale tint to her face deliberate. Not only that, she feels stronger, even though she hadn’t been aware of any weakness before. She can breathe easier now. She’s herself again. A little winded but it was worth it.

When she’s done, Cady and Damian should get out of school in about ten minutes. They worked it all out; they’ll get the first bus from school up to the hospital, which should take about twenty-five minutes. She offered to pay their bus tickets and her mom had offered to pick them up, but neither one of them would hear any of it. Damian in particular would die before accepting money from anyone.

So she has just over half an hour. Maybe closer to forty minutes when factoring in waiting for the bus and various stops…

She probably should have left the make-up to later just to give herself something to do.

No, it’s fine. The last thing she wants is them walking in on her doing her make-up. Besides, there’s plenty to do for half an hour. She’s waited this long after all. She checks her outfit again, first in the bathroom mirror, by bouncing repeatedly, and then by using the camera on her phone. This morning she was sure about this outfit. Now she’s not sure about this skirt. Maybe if her mom had woken her up earlier she’d have had more time to plan it. The shirt is fine, it’s something Cady loves, so she won’t trade it, but the skirt… it’s not working. She grabs more stuff from her bag and lays it out on the bed, debating each one carefully. There’s a pair of studded shorts that she doesn’t think looks right with the shirt, a pair of jeans that would be far too uncomfortable, and a dark grey skirt that she’s not worn that much and is a little short-

“Holy crap,” she sighs. She shakes her head at herself. She hasn’t obsessed this much over her looks since middle school. “You’re insane, Sarkisian. You’re fine.”

They’ve both seen her look worse, surely.

She forces herself to sit on the bed and just watch some freaking YouTube like a normal person. She gets a text from Damian telling her they’re on their way, and she takes a deep breath and sends a response. She then has one eye on the phone and one eye on the window, all the while counting the minutes until they should be here.

Twenty five minutes. One video later, it’s twenty one. Another video, eighteen. Another video, plus a sip of the coffee her mom got her, fourteen. Another video, plus re-checking her make-up, ten. Another video, six. Another video, three.

And now they should be here. They probably are; they’re probably walking through the lobby. Maybe the elevator’s a little slow, maybe they got lost. This is a big place and they don’t even know where they ward is. Do they? Did she tell them? She grabs her phone and checks their groupchat, scrolling through the week-

“Janis?” Her name is accompanied by a soft knock on the door, and when she looks up, Cady is standing in the doorway, looking even more beautiful than she did that morning with a breathless smile and dimples in her cheeks. And everything else she was feeling melts away.

Janis doesn’t care about dignity, she runs over and throws her arms around her. As Cady hugs her back just as fiercely, Janis fights the urge to pick her up off the floor.

“I missed you,” Cady whispers into her shoulder.

“I missed you more,” she replies, certain that she’s correct.

“Well I’ll just go then,” Damian jokes. “If you two need a moment alone.”

“Don’t even think about it,” she tells him seriously, jumping into his embrace. He runs his hand through her hair and even rocks her and everything about his embrace feels right.

“Got you these,” he says when they eventually pull apart. He presents her with a bunch of white flowers wrapped in silver paper. The scent is just like the gesture; so sweet it makes her well up.

“Oh you losers,” she says. “I love them.”

“Hi kids,” her mom greets from her chair in the corner. To be honest, Janis had actually forgotten her mom was there. So her mom has watched her run across the room and tackle-hug Cady. Nice. “How was school?”

“It’s fine,” Cady replies. “You know… senior year….”

“Oh I’m sure it is,” she says fondly. “I’ll give you kids some alone time.” She gives Janis’ shoulder a squeeze before heading out, and then Janis can hold Cady’s hand as tightly as she wants and pulls the two of them to the bed, utterly giddy at having them at her side again.

Even if it won’t last a voice in her head whispers.

“So come on, what have I missed?” she asks. “Other than you two, I mean. Tell me everything. Spill all the tea. I crave gossip!”

“It’s been a week, Jan,” Cady tells her, grinning and swinging her legs as her feet don’t touch the floor. “But, you do know that you’re talking to the newest captain of the North Shore Mathletes.”

“Come on then.” Janis digs her elbow in her girlfriend’s ribs. “Tell me everything.”

That’s all the incentive Cady needs.

She babbles on about her plans for the new year as Captain, how she’s already getting new recruits and she’s even allowed to invite freshmen and create Junior Mathletes, how she’s sure that membership is going to be double what it was last year (at which point Damian reminds her that there were only three people on the team last year), and about how they’re already starting to put together teams for a few contests, more than last year, and of course, how she’s ready to defend their state champion title. With each word, Janis’ heart grows warmer, the sense of security she’s craved all week settling and wrapping around her like her favourite blanket, and their hands lie intertwined on the bed a though they’d never been apart.

“So that’s my life…” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. She shakes her head and covers Janis’ hand with hers. “But what about you, what’s it like in here?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” she scoffs. “I’m always fine.” Cady’s smile dips, not enough, but Janis notice and let out a sigh. “I mean it’s not the ideal situation. But I’m… coping?”

“I do not like that inflection,” Damian adds, leaning back on the bed and raising an eyebrow.

“You wouldn’t,” she says. “Like, it’s not too bad. You know… the food is actually pretty good, we have some cool stuff in the longue, they know how to keep us occupied. The doctors are all great. Including one hot med student I’m considering setting Damian up with.”

“Consider my attention grabbed,” he says. “How hot are we talking here?”

“Like… Okay I’m not into dudes, so I’m not that great at guessing, but he’s a solid 7.5,” she explains. “Would be a 9 but he stabbed me several times while trying to find a vein.”

“He did what?” Cady squeals, making the two of them jump. Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. “He stabbed you?”

“Woah, yeah.” She grasps Cady’s shoulder and silently bites her tongue. She rubs it in circles, bringing her back down. “And it hurt for a few seconds and I was slightly annoyed by it. And then we laughed about it.” She strokes Cady’s cheek carefully. “Nothing bad, Caddy.”

“Okay.” Cady lets out a breath and shakes out her hands. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, love.” She plays a kiss on her cheekbone, the tension fleeing Cady’s body as she does so. She tangles her fingers in her hair. She even missed her hair. “It’s cute that you worry so much.”

“I always worry about you.” At that moment, Damian turns his attention to the window, and Cady rests her head on Janis’ shoulder and Janis wraps her arms around her. This, the fearful looks and causing anxiety to her, this is what Janis wanted to avoid in the first place.

Damn Cady Heron and her unflinching loyalty.

“You’re feeling okay though?” she asks quietly. “Right?”

“Okay’s a bit of a relative term these days,” she says. “I’m feeling a bit bleh. But it’s fine.” Cady murmurs something she guesses is an agreement and nestles closer to her. Janis rubs her hand up and down her arm. “I’m fine.”

“Good.” She presses her cheek into her head and closes her eyes, only for a moment.

“Anyway, enough of that stuff,” she says, bouncing and turning to Damian, beckoning him back over. “There’s got to be more that I’ve missed. Come on, spill.”

“Well…” Damian begins, spinning around to face them with a grin stretched across his face. He’s been waiting to tell her this, she can tell. “They’ve announced that the musical this year will be… drum roll.”

She can Cady drum their hands on their legs, the sound bouncing off the walls and making the room tremble with anticipation as it gets higher and faster until-.

“Cabaret!”

“No way!” she gasps. Damian nods excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet and clapping his hands together. “Stars have aligned, mon amie. Stars have aligned.”

“Which means,” he goes on, throwing himself down on the bed with such gusto that it bounces. “I am going to be the greatest Emcee that North Shore High would ever wish to have.”

“Damn right!” The two high five, their glee double that of the slightly out of the loop Cady. “Emcee has been one of Damian’s dream roles ever since middle school.”

“Ever since I came out of the damn womb!” he exclaims. “I cannot tell you how much I screamed when the drama club announced it.”

“I can,” Cady adds. “It was loud and long and he got several death glares from everyone else.”

“That’s the only appropriate way to react,” Janis chuckles. “We watched the movie way back when and that’s when he decided he was going to play the Emcee or die trying.”

“It’s also when Janis became gay for Liza Minelli.”

“I’m gay for myself,” she corrects. “Liza was just the object of young Janis’ affections.” She rests her chin on Cady’s shoulder and smiles at him. “I’m helping you prep for this. I don’t care if I have to break out of here with an IV in my arm, I’m helping you.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” he replies. “Also the drama club is devastated you can’t do the set this year.”

“Who the heck says I can’t?” she says indignantly. “Those morons they have won’t last five minutes without my guidance. And I will not have your shining moment ruined by a subpar set.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder. “We all know who really runs that drama club.”

“Oh really, madame,” Damian scoffs, turning so his leg is folded beneath him. Janis keeps smiling, despite the feeling that its being tugged down and the weight settling in her stomach. Of all the times he had to do Cabaret, why did it have to be now?

“Everyone really missed you at school,” Cady tells her.

“Bet it’s not everyone,” she says, half joking. “Not one person in particular.”

“Hey!” Cady slaps her arm. “Be nice.”

“I promised to play nice to her face,” Janis reminds her. “Not behind her back.” Cady huffs out a laugh, her face slightly scrunched up. “But how’s the most important thing; LGBT+ society?”

“Well, we’re having our first welcome back meeting on Wednesday,” Damian says. “And Gretchen is taking over your stall at the fair. Sonja’s going to help her out though,” he adds. “And Sonja’s taking over your spot on the committee too.”

“Good choice,” she says. Lovely as Gretchen is most of the time, Janis isn’t sure she could handle the pressure of running her stall. And Sonja’s the perfect choice to take over her committee spot, smart as a whip, decisive and funny as hell.

So why does the idea make Janis so uneasy?

“Yeah, why don’t we turn this TV on?” she says, grabbing the remote. “It apparently has Netflix, although I’m not entirely sure how to operate it. There’s a load of DVDs in the longue as well.”

“A DVD. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while,” Damian says.

“I don’t think they have Cabaret though,” she sighs. “Which would be perfect for us right now.” She’s telling half-truths, because there’s a substantial collection of old movies, including musicals, but she doesn’t really want to brave the longue now, or to take them in there. The longue is probably her favourite place in the hospital, but it’s bound to be full right now. And for now, she wants to keep her cancer world and the real world separate.

So with some fussing, they manage to find Netflix and learn how to work it. Cady is insistent that Janis pick the movie, since it’s her room and she doesn’t know half of them and has already watched the other half. At the start of the summer, Janis had made Cady a list of every movie she needed to watch, and by the end of August they’d almost made it to the halfway mark. The best part wasn’t the movies themselves; it was the movie nights. Huddled under a comforter and surrounded by pillows, Cady’s body pressed against hers and the lights down low, buttery popcorn and sugar-covered candies keeping them going until one (usually Cady) fell asleep.

Now they make do with the thin hospital bed and the near-plastic sheets. At least they can adjust the height of it, and Janis positions Cady against her and Damian sits in the comfiest chair to watch The Parent Trap. It’s none of their favourites, but it’s familiar and good enough and while it wasn’t on the list, Cady hasn’t seen it yet. Besides, Damian can make any more fun.

And really, Janis can’t take any more of the back and forth debate.

The more the movie goes on, the more normal Janis feels. She runs her fingers up and down Cady’s bare arms, her girlfriend’s jacket discarded across a chair like she would in her house. The conversation is light and easy and full of giggles even at the stupidest, silliest thing, Damian quoting along with the movie and Cady hopelessly lost, especially at around halfway through when Janis decides to tell her that Annie and Hallie were played by the same person.

“No way!” she declares. “I’m not believing you until I see proof.”

“Google it,” she says. “Damian?”

“Way ahead of you.” He pulls up the page and shows her the cast list, with one little Lohan billed as the two twins. Cady’s mouth falls on the floor, her shoulders shaking in a silent, disbelieving laugh.

“Jesus Christ!” she says. “How did they do that all the way back then?”

“Movie magic,” Janis replies, wiggling her fingers for effect. “It’s okay, Caddy, we all felt betrayed when we first found out.”

“Didn’t she go off her rocker a bit?” she asks, pointing to the screen. “I know that much. Regina told me.”

“A little,” Janis agrees. “But I kind of feel bad for her, you know?”

“I guess.”

“Oh. Oh!” The camera pans up, revealing the striking and scary figure of Meredith Blake, and Janis squeezes Cady’s arms. “I hated this bitch.”

“I hated her more,” Damian adds, his tone not 100% light. “When I first watched this I had this soon-to-be stepmom, because my dad was back in the dating game, and she was…” He gags and points down his throat.

“Real mature, Damian,” Janis jokes. “I mean she absolutely was, but still. Mature.”

“Okay, missy,” he laughs. “Nah but I used to try to get inspiration from how to deal with her from this movie.”

“Shh!” she hisses sharply, covering Cady’s ears. “Spoilers!”

“I can still hear you,” Cady tells her. “And I could sort of guess. All the movies about step parents do that kind of thing, don’t they? Bratty kid gets wreaks havoc on the step parent?”

“Are you saying thirteen year old me was a brat?” Damian asks.

“Seventeen year old you is also a brat,” Janis teases. Damian gasps and grabs the cushion from the chair, aiming it at her head. Part of her is completely sure he wouldn’t, not in a hospital, part of her is completely sure he would because of course he would.

She doesn’t find out either way, because their gathering is interrupted by her medical team, and the weight in her stomach comes back with a vengeance.

“Not getting in the way are we?” Nurse Lucy asks.

“Not at all,” she says. Before she stops herself, she’s already pushing Cady off her. Heat rises in her cheeks. “That time again?”

“Unfortunately so,” she replies as Cady slides off the bed. “Is it okay if Jackson does it this time?”

“Yeah, sure.” As she rolls up her sleeve, her friends catch on to what’s happening, and Damian rushes to Cady’s side.

“I promise I’ll find the vein this time,” Jackson jokes.

“Oh this is the one you said-” Cady is cut off by Janis making a small ‘cut it out’ gesture with her hand. She then raises an eyebrow at Damian, whose small smirk tells her everything she needs to know.

She takes a look at her IV and her bare arm before turning back to them. She still hates this; shockingly, she hasn’t gotten used to it in under a week. Her stomach still drops a hundred feet when she looks at the needle and her chest tightens even if she’s only thinking about it.

“You guys don’t need to watch this,” she tells them. “It doesn’t hurt. But if you need to look away, it’s fine.”

“I’m fine,” Cady tells her. When Janis looks down though, she sees how tightly she’s holding Damian’s hand.

“Okay,” she says.

This time around it only takes Jackson three tries to find her vein before securing it with the bandage. Good for him. He’s learning.

“You know the drill by now?” Lucy asks.

“Two hours, stay hydrated.” She gives her a two-fingered salute.

“Two hours?” Cady echoes, and Janis has to chuckle at it. “This takes two hours?”

“That’s what she said the first time she found out,” Lucy says, gesturing to Janis. “I can see why you two like each other so much.”

“No but… two hours,” she says again as they leave. “What do you do for two hours?”

“I just… sit here I guess,” she answers, looking up at the medicine. “You know, there’s TV. I have books. I draw. Sometimes it knocks me out and I get a little surprise nap, so that’s fun.”

“Is that… should we go?” Cady asks. “If you’re going to-”

“Oh no.” She shakes her head firmly. “No, it’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“Completely.” She’s such a liar it’s a wonder her tongue hasn’t turned black and crumbled. “Come on. Let’s finish the movie at least.”

Cady lays beside her rather than on her, and Damian stays on the other side of the bed, away from her IV. She catches him once or twice, watching the drip instead of the movie. His gaze is unreadable, and since she’s always been able to know his thoughts without him speaking, it unsettles her.

It’s not long before that familiar tiredness descends on her, clouding her mind and pulling her downwards. And she fights it; she keeps her eyes open despite how they itch and shifts her body when she finds herself too comfortable lest she start drifting off. It’s a challenge, not just because of the medicine’s effect on her, but because of Cady’s warmth next to her, promising security and comfort and being there when she wakes up.

And she must have given into it at one point, because she opens her eyes after a blink and the movie is over; Nick and Elizabeth are together again, Annie and Hallie stay with each other forever, happy endings all around.

“What time is it?” Janis asks.

“Nearly five,” Damian explains. Visiting hours don’t end for another two hours. “Are you okay?”

“Me?” she asks. “I’m fantastic.”

“You sure?” Cady’s hand is on hers, slowly linking their fingers together. Janis squeezes her hand, clarity coming into her mind by her own will.

“Of course I’m sure.”

They don’t have to be home for another hour. Home for dinner, that’s the rule. That doesn’t really change. Damian tells her that his mom is thinking about her every day and was beside herself when she heard the news.

“She’s started following more baking blogs,” he tells her. “So prep yourself for a lot of baked goods on your doorstep.”

“I can’t object to that,” she says. “Especially since Val always bakes with love.”

At some point during the hour, Janis pulls Cady into her lap again, or Cady crawls into it, or both. Her head is under her chin and her back against her chest, slotting into place perfectly. Like if she holds her this close, she won’t have to leave.

Wishful thinking, she knows, because when it gets close to six, Cady picks up her jacket and her backpack and there’s nothing but empty air against Janis’ body.

She wishes she could lead them to the door, but her IV catches on everything, so they say their goodbyes where they are.

“Don’t miss me too much,” she warns them teasingly.

“I hardly ever think about you,” Damian replies, his voice thick.

“And you,” she tells him. “Better run lines with me. When’s auditions?”

“Next Thursday,” he tells her. “So I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“Perfect,” she says. “I have treatments at 11, at 2… You know what? I’ll text you them.”

“Okay. And you were right by the way. That med student is a snack.” They laugh, and then there’s a moment of silence before he folds her in his arms, her face burying itself in the crook of his neck and his hand cupping the back of her head. “Take of yourself, okay?” His voice is so soft, so desperate, that it sounds like a plea.

“I will,” she says. “I always do.” Knowledgeable as always, he gives her and Cady space to say goodbye themselves. She rubs her hand on her shorts, nervousness gripping her body in a way she hasn’t felt in a while and she thoroughly dislikes.

“I’ll text you the second I get home,” Cady says. “And can I call you tomorrow?”

“Of course you can,” she says. “As long as you get some homework done tonight, kid.”

“I will,” she says. “I didn’t get the top grade in Norbury’s class for nothing.” Cady takes in a deep breath, her hand fidgeting around her backpack strap and her hair half-hiding her face. Janis reaches out and pushes it back and if she notices her shaking hand, she doesn’t say anything.

“Caddy-”

Janis actually wasn’t sure what she was going to say there, but it doesn’t matter, because Cady steps up and kisses her. It’s not perfect; it feels clumsy and awkward and they bump against each other, but it’s everything Janis needs. So much so that when they pull away, she doesn’t even attempt to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Okay,” she whispers, grinning. “I’ll see you soon.” She steals another peck.

“See you later, Janis,” she whispers. They don’t stop holding hands for as long as they can and Janis is still looking at her until she’s out of view, walking back down the hall with Damian, maybe getting lost again. Down the hall, to the right, into the elevator and out the double doors. Bus stop down the street, next stop home. They ride together until Damian gets off and Cady stays on. All the while she stays here, IV in arm and her phone buzzing, talking to them until she falls asleep.

#mean girls broadway #mean girls the musical #cadnis #cady x janis #janis sarkisian #cady heron #damian hubbard #fic: heart of stone

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ranchhands · 4 years

Note

🍅, 🏀, ☀️, 🌙, 🐍, 💧, 🌷, ❤️, 🧡, 💙, 💗 for the oc asks please. I know it's a lot, so feel free to answer only a part of these, or one for example. As for which oc, I thought of Gabriel, but if you want to talk about Berend, go ahead :)

gonna answer for gabe!!

“🍅 How easily is your OC embarrassed? What subjects make them flush and why? What event has made your OC the most embarrassed they’ve ever been?” - Gabriel gets embarrassed a fairly normal amount; he’s not as shameless as some of my others, but doesn’t really melt at stuff, either! I can’t really think of any times he’s gotten embarrassed off the top of my head lol

“ 🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?” - baseball!! he was taught when he was young :) he also likes gymnastics, but doesn’t really talk about it much :3

“☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?” - he’s prob my second most hygienic oc, next to Moss:. as for what he does to pamper, he likes to take the occasional bath!! & it’s kinda a toss up whether he’ll put himself or others first

“🌙 What are some of your OC’s favourites? Favourite food, colour, season, stuff like that! Give some general simple facts that tend to get overlooked!” - robots!! Gabe also likes Italian foods, orange, teal, & winter!!

“🐍 Is your OC a good liar? How easy is it for them to tell lies? What is the biggest lie they’ve ever told and did they ever get found out? On the other hand, what is the biggest lie someone has told your OC and did they believe them?“ - he’s a pretty good liar, actually!! lot’s of experience LOL.. the biggest lie really depends on what I’m feeling; for bad timeline Gabriel - aka him walking in on William killing - he panics & helps cover everything up!! ofc I’m watering it down a LOT, but yk!! as for lies he’s been told, he’s pretty good at spotting them!! in his actual tl, that’s what got him killed :((

“💧 What is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? What is something they’re really proud of? And lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?” - working with Will; in one universe, Gabe actually lives, and he REALLY regrets helping him out, so f

“ 🌷 How much effort does your OC put into their looks? Do they care much about how they’re dressed or what their hair looks like or are they not bothered? Could they be considered a snob or a slob?” - he’s fairly good about his style!! not the snobbiest, but def not a slob!

“❤️ What inspired you to make this OC? How long have you had them? How have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?” - he’s fairly new, so there hasn’t been many changes!! idr what inspired me to make him in the first place, but he’s a good change in pace to my other boys!!

“🧡 What traits of your own do you see in this OC? Are they a little bit self-inserty? Don’t be shy, we all put parts of ourselves into the creations we love!“ - I WAS JUST TALKING TO MY FRIEND ABT THIS!! he’s def self inserty; mullets, glasses, physical scars, gymnastics, robots/animatronics, the list goes on!!<3<3

“💙 How important is this OC to you? Are they a character that’s helped you through some pretty tough times or could you scrap them without feeling a thing?” - he’s fairly important!! no Moss or Rusthound, granted, but still funky!! I wouldn’t wanna scrap him cuz I’m super proud of him tho

“💗 Ramble a bit about this character!” - OK HDFHJ THIS ISNT SPECIFICALLY ABT GABRIEL BUT IT KINDA IS OK SO..... ONE TIME I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND, VEC, & I STARTED TALKING ABT MY OCS WHO LIKE ANIMATRONICS & HOW I LIKE ANIMATRONICS & STUFF & THEY WERE ALL.. “...like fnaf.?” BCUS THEY DONT LIKE FNAF AND LIKE!!! I GET IT, BUT IVE LITERALLY BUILT ROBOTS WITH THEM!! LIKE?? IDK I JUST THINK ITS FUNNY CUZ WE LITERALLY MET BCUS OF ROBOTS

#ask #i-make-art-and-struggle #long post

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oh-theatre · 4 years

Text

Objection!: Chapter 17

Chapter title: Can I?

A/n: Y’all have no idea how long I’ve been planning…that moment. Like Ive had it ready and just kept imagining it, I mean…I love them so much. Honestly I'm sorry this chapter is so weird and low-key bad but I hope you enjoy it…ESPECIALLY THE END…sorry I got excited anyWHOO. Make sure to leave me some comments!

Quick disclaimer!! THIS CHAPTER (towards the end) HAS SOME DARK AND HEAVY STUFF SO PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Its brief but still!!

First | Previous | Next

words: 4381

summary: Virgil and Roman recover from an eventful evening, Patton debates his own control over his life and Logan helps him with the case

pairings: Eventual logicality, prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Murder mention, child murder, Law and Courtroom, swearing, blood, hospital, crime scene, murder, gun mention, guns, swearing, abuse, graphic descriptions

Ao3 Link

“Good morning” Patton mumbles walking up to his sister, Barbara giggles embracing her sleepy brother. Patton smiles pulling away sniffing delightfully at the steamy aura of the room “Coffee?” He hopes, knowing Barbara makes the best coffee

“But of course!” Barbara hands him a warm cup, allowing the heat to travel through his body. He hums softly making his way to the table, settling into the wooden chair. Barbara finishes her own preparations joining him. “How was the gala?” She inquired reading over the newspaper. Patton stares towards the window, allowing the sun peeking through to envelope him

“It was a very nice evening” he decides, Barbara takes a sip of drink nodding. “Some magical things occurred” he marvels recalling the moment he witnessed. His cheeks swelling instantly.

“We too had a magical evening. Marcy and I raced around the house chasing the twins, apparently we were evil sorcerers and princess Valerie and her duke Remus had to defeat us” she recalls, Patton laughs tapping his fingers softly on the wood

“Eventful” He's excited to have his sister return to him but his exhaustion has overtaken. For days he's worked endlessly, all he wanted was a day off to enjoy the company with his children in this blissful world, keeping them away from reality for even a moment. As if the moons were listening, the world came back to life.

“Papa!” Valerie cries running up to her father, Patton wastes no time scooping her up, situating her on his lap. “Did you have fun?” She wonders playing with his glasses, Patton lets her putting down his coffee.

“I did, but I missed you and your brother soooooo…” He stretches the ‘O’ hugging Valerie tight, she squeals laughing away. “Much!” He finishes, smothering her with kisses. A second patter of feet emerges followed by heavy resistance. Patton turns to see a rushed Remus dragging a very dazed Logan behind him.

“Dada! Look who I found!” He claims, Patton smiles an apologetic glance towards Logan. Patton carefully sets Valerie in Barbara's arms, removing Remus from Logan's grasp. “Lolo lives here now?” Remus questions, he puts his arms up. I wish...Patton looks towards a recovering lawyer. He smiles at Patton heading towards the kitchen for some caffeine. Marcy soon joins them, happily relieving Patton of Remus for a brief moment as he meets Logan in the kitchen.

“Good morning” He whispers, Logan turns yawning. He examines Patton for a moment before adjusting his glasses, Patton melts under his warm touch feeling as though he'd been thrown into the past. “Thank you” He watches Logan's eyes, their mysterious color, not deciding what they want to be. The slight shimmer, if you stare long enough, they look like the night sky, a single star glistens.

“Patton?” He might have looked too long, he regains his reality. “What are your plans for the day?” Logan wonders brushing past Patton for a spoon, he recoils and somehow the pair is closer.

“Well, Roman returns to work soon...so we won't be free for…” Logan's intense stare on Patton makes the man falter, it's weird how prominent his lips look. “Awhile...I was thinking we could...work on the case tonight?” Neither are really listening to the world around them, it happens. They feel so safe in their own bubble, so close, hearing the steady pace of their hearts beating in unison.

“I would love too, tonight, in my office?” Logan looks to the twins, they smile up at him waving ecstatically. Patton watches him, pursing his lips.

“Barb and Marcy are taking the twins out for some dinner, we could work here? In my office?” Patton offers, Logan turns back to him taking a sip of his coffee, he nods taking one last look at Patton before returning to the living room. Patton clutches the counter squealing softly, as though he were a teenager, interrupted by his phone ringing. “Patton Hart!” He greets

“I kissed Roman”

“Good morning to you too Virgil” Patton yawns, feeling himself descend from his sleepy state.

“I kissed...Roman. As in, my lips met his” Virgil slows and Patton can see his face. Eyes bulged in red tiredness, picking at the loose strings in his outfit.

“Well, I thought... I mean yeah that's how it works Virge” Patton stirs his drink carefully, listening as he makes some breakfast for the twins.

“I don't know what to do” Virgil admits quietly, Patton sighs, a bittersweet feeling overtakes. “I really like him, which sounds so high school but its true. But I have Damian, and I just… I don't know”

“Virge, take a deep breath” Patton requests, he hears an audible follow through and continues “I understand how hard and confusing this could be” He looks to Logan who has somehow calmed the twins down and now sits comfortably on the couch with them. “Go for it Virge,” He says wistfully, Logan listens intently to the twin's ramble. “Damian loves Roman, I mean he practically considers him a father” Virgil laughs on the other end “And you deserve it, you both do” Patton waves at a smiling Logan “Just promise me you'll give it a shot”

“I will” Virgil disconnects, leaving Patton to hold the phone to his chest.

“Pat? Everything ok?” Barbara asks as she washes up the dishes, Patton nods, keeping his eyes on Logan. “Oh my god...you two..” She shakes her head, Patton turns to her cocking his head. “Nothing, anyway whens mom coming over?” Patton sighs feeling the dreams drain from him.

“Later, she wants lunch, with me and you” He laments, Barbara scoffs. “I can't believe I agreed, you know she forgot the twins names? I mean...ugh I don't wanna talk about this” He waves it off, Barbara squeezes his arm a supportive smile. “I'm going to go get ready, love you” Barbara gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before rejoining the twins and Logan. He moves slowly to his room, picking out his outfit for the day, just as he always would. And probably always will...the same routine.

Was he getting bored?

~~~

“And then I kissed him, and then he wasn't there this morning but I did hear him t- Logan are you listening to me?” Roman rushes following after a less than happy Logan.

“Would you like an honest answer?” Logan wonders moving further into his office, Roman follows him tilting his head. He pouts sitting across from the lawyer, debating whether he should let the conversation continue.

“No” He whispers softly, swallowing his words. Logan smirks opening up some notices on his desk. “But Logan!” he moans, the lawyer looks up sighing “What do I do?” He asks genuinely, Logan shrugs. He is paying attention and he does, to some extent, care about what Roman is saying. On the other hand, he was swamped with work. Roman was coming back to court tomorrow, the case would resume and there was a lot to unpack since the previous time they had a session. Not to mention, Logan has a very important meeting tonight...with Patton.

“I don't know Roman, you like Virgil don't you? Then perhaps you should ask him out, see where it takes you” Logan advises, typing quickly into his laptop. Roman leans back nodding, he taps the desk quickly before jumping up.

“Thanks, nerdverine” He smiles in place, Logan groans. “Get it? Nerd? Wolverine? Nervderine?” He bobs his head, a stupid grin placated upon his face. “I think Virge should be here soon, I'm gonna go do...exactly that!” Roman points triumphantly before gallivanting away from his office.

He strides through the oh so familiar halls, his fingers lining the walls as he walks, an almighty smile blessing his face. He reaches the foyer of courthouse almost instantly spotting the sullen detective.

“Virgil!” He calls, waving ecstatically. Virgil scoffs playfully turning towards the judge, he waves back approaching him. “I kissed you!” He remembers, Virgil shushes him nodding, he takes him into a more secluded hallway.

“Yes you did, it was…” He bites his lower lip, watching Romans amber eyes light aflame “Enjoyable...” He whispers, leaning in carefully. Roman lets a soft laugh escape as he joins Virgil's antics, they meet each other halfway, the touch of their lips sending a shock through them. Roman takes the open slits of Virgil's jacket. He pulls away quickly, Virgil hides his pout.

“No! I mean yes but no...we need to talk about this” Roman continues his hold on Virgil, wondering when he should awaken from this dream. “I wanna take you out, on a date” Roman proposes, Virgil coughs back a smirk but listens. “U-unless you don't want to, I mean tha-” Interrupting Roman with a kiss might be Virgil's new favorite hobby.

“I would love to but...honestly I don't want anything flashy Roman. Spending time at home with Damian and you? Cuddled up with blankets and never-ending snacks? That's the dream” Virgil explains, Roman swears his hearts exploded. Everything he has ever wanted, just handed to him on a silver platter, it had to be a fantasy.

“Pinch me” He mumbles, shutting his eyes as he realizes what had fallen from his mouth. “Sorry, no yeah...that sounds great” Virgil cups his cheek, kissing him once more. Roman takes his hands swooning silently. “I'm getting the sense you really like kissing” Virgil shrugs.

“Nah, not really” Virgil taps his chest lightly before walking back into the foyer. Leaving a very confused Roman to slowly fall against the cold linoleum, gushing internally. Virgil pops back in, landing a quick kiss on Romans cheek “See you at eight Reial” Virgil quips

See you at eight...Virgil

“What happened to ‘I don't know what to do Patton?’” Patton asks as Virgil confidently returns, joining his friend at reception. “From what I just...unfortunately saw...you know exactly what to do” Patton greets Roman from afar with a small wave. Roman, from his dazed confusion, smiles back.

“I took your advice” Virgil says following Patton to his office “I went for it” He admits, a quick chuckle from the pair.

“Was all that kissing necessary though?” Patton inquires, seating himself comfortably into his chair, Virgil sits across from him as he had done so many times.

“No, that was for me” Virgil jokes, Patton laughs sweetly “He's a really good kisser” Virgil recalls coyly, Patton rolls his eyes not wishing to think about that. “God, this isn't real right? I'm going to wake up, super uncomfortable and sweaty, in my bed right?” Virgil leans forward, Patton pauses where he is.

“Virge, this is real, it's happening” Patton assures, Virgil takes a deep breath nodding, Patton takes his hand squeezing it. “I'm really happy for you V, you deserve this” He smiles, Virgil stands making his way around the table, hugging Patton from behind.

“Thanks, Pat,” He says, returning to his seat. Patton begins typing furiously into his computer, Virgil hums lightly examining the room. “What's up with you today?”

“Well, I have lunch with my mother later-” An audible groan of disapproval comes from Virgil, Patton nods in agreement “Then tonight Lo and I are working on our case, it'll be a while before we get another chance since the case resumes tomorrow” Patton informs. Virgil sighs wistfully, nothing against Patton but his recent connection with a certain judge was still ripe in his mind...and on his lips.

“Speaking of Logan” Patton whispers watching his phone alight with the promise of a new message. He takes the phone, murmuring the words aloud. “Come see me, courtyard..” He reads, Virgil gives him a subtle smile. “Shush” he says, hoping the dim lights cover his ever-growing blush. Patton stands gathering a few of his items, he smiles at Virgil leaving him in charge of the room. Grabbing his coat, making sure he has gloves, he sets on his way to the courtyard. He would never describe someone as...perfect looking. But as Logan stood in the center of the courtyard, the winter winds circling him as the remains of the world danced around him, Patton couldn't help but utter those words.

“Hello Patton” Logan greets “You like nice” He compliments

“You look perfect” His eyes soon go wide, but his honesty is unmatched.

~~~

“Mom please” Patton begs feeling his sister dig her nails into his palm, it was common that the pair would perform this routine. It was a surprise should they not come home with scars marking their hands. How he dearly wished Marcy and Logan were present.

“I'm just saying...Barbara honey, you could do so much better” Gloria laments spinning her fifth drink. Barbara closes her eyes, picturing Marcy laughing at dinner, waddling through the house sleepy “I mean have you seen Marcy?” Nope didn't work.

“That's what you say to a high school girl!” Barbara cries, Patton sits her down, rubbing her back supportively “Marcy and I have been married for six years mother, I love her” She takes a deep breath, releasing the pressure from her brother's hand. “Doesn't matter, does not matter” She mumbles to herself, shaking her head. Patton continues his support, Barbara shoots him a grateful glance.

“Well at least you have a partner” Gloria side-eyes, Patton, he gives his brightest smile, pursing his saddened lips. “Oh! Just in time!” Gloria pipes up, waving at someone behind the siblings. Patton turns his face dropping a thousand colors, whiter than snow that falls fresh. “Liam! Over here, darling!”

“You absolute wench” Barbara scoffs, quickly turning to her brother “Pat, we can go, let's go,” She says taking his hand, he shakes his head sitting down. “I cannot believe you right now” Barbara's mouth falls with absolute disgust for her mother.

“Now children, don't get emotional” She snipes allowing Liam to take a seat next to her, Patton avoids their eyes, suddenly finding his salad very interesting. “Good afternoon dear, how are you?” She greets Liam smiles. It's a smile Patton knows, the way his lips curve, his eyes grow slightly as they stare intently. It's a facade, a trick, designed to make you fall in love, a charm.

“Oh just fine, better now that I'm here with my family,” He says, taking Gloria's hand, was that a blush? She swoons, fanning her face delighted.

“And delusional I see” Barbara quips, her glare never changing as it burns through Liam. “Mom what even is this? You haven't seen Pat and me for almost five years, can't we just have one nice lunch?” Barbara begs, Gloria waves her off continuing her fixed gaze upon Liam. “Mom, we have lives and kids and partners to get back to, so if you're just going to spend lunch gazing into Liam's eyes, I think we’ll take the check” She decides, Gloria sighs turning back to them.

“As far as I know, you don't have children and Patton doesn't have a partner” She smirks, Barbara cowers now, both know where this is going. “In fact, you made it perfectly clear you had no interest in children” She folds her hands. Patton snaps now, he slams his hands softly upon the table, glaring at this woman who dare claim she raised them.

“Mother that's enough” Patton knows this is what she wants, but he can't, he won't let her do this again. “Either we have a nice, civil lunch-” He shoots a glance towards Liam, his face dripping in evil satisfaction “Or Babs and I find somewhere else to eat” He offers, a finality to his words.

“Of course darling, how are the twins?” She tries, even the words are too hard for him. As if showing even a hint of care or concern would melt her innards, leaving her a puddle of emptiness. “Um..Veronica and...Re..re-” Patton finds it sad how she actively seems like she's trying to remember as if the two people who mean the world to Patton are just...forgettable.

“Valerie and Remus” He corrects, his voice remains even, steady. He takes a short breath, closing his eyes for a moment, remembering Logans earlier words.

You are the strongest person I know, I know this is random...

A light sprinkle of pink flash upon his face, how he wishes he could return to that moment. The nervous chuckle the fell from Logans beautiful mouth, shaking as he composed himself. Standing huddled in the middle of the courtyard, the wind circling them, entrapping them in this wishful bubble. The look of starry adoration that puddled in Logan's eyes as he attempted so hard to conjure the words.

I...Patton...I want to-

Poetic really, the small ping shattering their world. Patton would have ignored it, let Barbara amuse their mother for just awhile longer, but that's not who he was. He took the call, answered the beckon and left incredibly apologetic.

Tonight ok?

He assured Logan, a careful squeeze to Logan's arms as he listened to his sister's worried ramblings. As he stepped out from their safety, he felt the world collide into him, knocking him down a few. A confirmation, a hint of excitement was uttered.

Tonight

And then he was gone, returning into the courthouse to collect his things for lunch. He should've looked back, just one last time, he would've seen Logan watching him. A smile upon the lawyers face as the promise of a hidden meeting in the darkest hour of the starry night raced his thoughts.

“Patton!” He jumps, clutching the seat below him. “Ground yourself, dear, it's not good to get caught up with a dream” Gloria chides, Patton nods feeling himself shrink to that scared little boy so desperate to impress his mother, for her praise. He tries but the searching was harder. Where was the man who stood at his doorstep and kicked his parents out after they mocked him endlessly, where was the man who removed his children from the situation and walked away? How can she do this? How dare she? How dare she break and tear apart everything Patton had so meticulously built up and worked for, everything he accomplished. How dare she, in the blink of an eye, destroy him? One word, one sentence and she had total control.

What right does she have?

Why did I let her?

A dream?

No...a nightmare

~~~

“Sorry, I'm late!” Patton huffs shaking himself off as he steps into his home, Logan helps him with his coat, dusting it before hanging it up neatly. “My mother ambushed me with Liam and then a dreadful walk through a park” He groans, Logan listens a supportive look.

“Please, don't fret about this” Logan assures, Patton grabs his files and rushes towards the office, Logan takes this cue to follow him. He watches as the lawyer scatters his things, skimming through files, he had never seen him look so disheveled “Patton? Is everything alright?” Logan inquires moving towards him

“I just…” He takes a breath, clutching the edges of his mahogany desk, the old wood fierce below his fingers. “I just want to put him away, forever, I want him out of my life...and theirs” He adjusts his glasses, pulling up a seat for Logan. They sit next to one another, a silence falls as the inevitable wafts through the air.

Logan peruses the files carefully helping Patton organize them, they work silently, a well-oiled machine. Logan goes through the information building a structured case, Patton checks the information making sure everything is correct. Hours pass, the lights fade as the only thing keeping the room bright is a few dim candles, promising to guide the pair through the night. Patton begins typing notes and possible witnesses and testimonies. It's nice, the ease of the keyboard as the man works diligently. The soft flick of the paper as Logan checks yet another thing off, it works well, everything works smoothly. Or at least it did. Logan had forced himself, before they began working, to make sure he could separate Patton and mister Hart. Church and state, to be able to view this with no bias, to be able to get through this. It's the one thing he made sure he did. It was vital if he wanted this to work, to win. But he was only human, and he cared about this client more than anything in the world.

The file was huge, he had thought it was just one incident, why he decided to investigate further was beyond him but he's so grateful he did. Well...that might not be the right word. It was pages on pages, lined with reports after reports, each more horrifying than the other. Logan jerks his head towards Patton, just now realizing the typing had stopped. Patton's soft eyes watch him sadly, the brims threatening him with tears as they stare silently. Logan thought he knew everything, he thought he knew to what extent Liams abuse had gone...he thought.

“Patton this is…” He can feel his tongue, the words don't work, his mind can't compute. “I thought...I mean..how?”

“They just lined up...I...” Patton stops, shutting his eyes begging them not to cry.

“How did he get away with this? There's so much, I mean...the police have a lot on him” Logan looks through each one, trying to ignore how close they all are. Each one redacted and marked.

“And he has a lot of money” Patton squeaks softly, Logan restrains from slamming the desk. “Virgil tried, but...I mean most of them were corrupt at the time. Liam had them all wrapped around his finger, you know how much he owned” Patton says waving everything off

“Patton this is awful! This is so much worse than anything I…” Logan was trying so hard to come to terms with everything, stupidly he can't control himself. Stupidly he allows it to get out of hand, and he places the blame…. “How could I not know this?”

“I'm sorry” Patton whispers. No. Absolutely not, that was the last thing that should have left Patton's mouth. Logan's jaw slacks, he hopes he doesn't look as baffled as he felt.

“Sorry? You...you shouldn't be sorry. The last thing you should be is sorry, please understand that” Logan checks, Patton nods afraid to look away but fearful of what's to come. Logans not convinced, he watches Patton fidget carefully on the desk, his nails scraping the wood.

“Right..ok” He sighs, his breath unbelievably shaky. Logan lays his hand over Patton, squeezing it softly. Patton thankful for the familiar flutter of his heart looks to him, and there it is. He truly could get lost in Logan's eyes for hours, the safety they promise, the love they emanate.

“Patton, you should not be sorry. Please, I need you to know that” He begs, his voice is so quiet, the gentle tone carried through. “I need to know that you understand, that you truly believe that you should not be sorry” He pleads, is his voice becoming hoarse? Patton had never seen Logan so...vulnerable. There was no plan, no composure, he just was.

“I understand,” He says, an unbelievable pressure releases from his shoulders. For the first time in months, years, he believes it. Never had he felt someone care so much, the desire to help pulsing through someone's veins. Yes, he believed it but partly he couldn't bear the broken expression on Logan's face. “We can't do this can we?” For once he lets go of his hopes, he wants the deep-rooted honesty, the barren truth.

“Patton” Logan adjusts Patton's chin, facing the man towards him, his touch remains gentle. “I'm going to put him away, I'm going to fight tooth and nail, my blood, sweat, and tears are going into this. I'm going to watch Virgil drag that...monster...” He seethes “...Into jail. Where he will rot, just as he deserves” Why? Patton has to wonder. “Because...because I care about you, because you mean...more than I can put into words” He pauses, Patton bites his lower lip, he has to stop himself, he knows this is one-sided and he has to push his feelings away. “We can do this, you can do this” Logan finishes, Patton remains silent, wondering whether he would regret his next words. He looks to his hands, where Logan still holds him.

“Can I kiss you?” He knew one thing, he had wanted to ask that for a while. It seemed the wrong time but it wasn't. Because he knew, some inkling of him knew that perhaps...Logan felt the same. That maybe, all those years of yearning, stolen glances, dusted blushes...that he wasn't the only victim.

“Yes”

And so he did. Patton leans forward meeting Logan's lips almost instantly, the connection just feels right. A long-awaited puzzle finally complete as the last piece is placed. Logan takes Patton's cheek hearing his heartbeat loud in his ears. The careful clink as their glasses hit one another, the feathery tickle upon their face, the utter joy that neither can comprehend. How can you describe a moment so perfect? A moment that had been desperately desired for so long? The room surrounding them keeping their moment private, a memory to burn the dark wood for ages, a story to tell. The despair seeping away as they only deepen it. Yet somehow it remains as light as a feather, precaution is used as they intertwine. An almost fun game of who might need air is at hand, but neither wants to pull away. Neither wants to awaken from this wondrous fairytale. Alas as they part, soft gasps for air, their foreheads meet allowing their eyes to remain closed. Just for a little bit, to continue the dream they soar upon together. It's funny, Logan had never imagined their night going this way. He expected his confession to leave a mark of rejection...not that he ever reached his planned words. This was better, another time, he promised himself. Patton knows not to trust the media about depictions of these events, but he also knows that the world works in mysterious ways.

And it can absolutely be...that magical.

A kiss

Their kiss

Finally

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citialiin · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm. tagged by: @forseenclade thank you ! man i am so bad at doing memes. tagging: @blossomingbeelzebug @zhrets @lupichorous @dansiere yayayayayayayaya

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated [ z/iggy stardust is DEFINITELY not my original character, but 683 is, and every single part of how i rp ziggy from his backstory to his personality was made up by me. that being said, ziggy is still a character that exists in media. ]

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO. [ im pretty sure ziggy is tied with the thin white duke as one of b*wie’s most famous fictional personas? ]

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES ? / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO / IDK. [ maybe a little overrated ]

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL. [ celebrity rock god of limitless talent vs inevitable overrated washup. most celebrities are polarizing anyways ]

How strictly do you follow canon? — there isnt much canon to go off of i think? the album barely even states if ziggy is an alien and b*wie himself got really wishy washy about it (sometimes saying z is a human who was contacted by aliens, he was an alien himself, etc). i dont think we know anything about him besides what he looks like (red hair / weird eyes / pale / “well hung” lmao) and he has a band called the spiders from mars, he plays the guitar left handed, he’s bisexual + androgynous, and he’s charming and popular with the teens but inevitably is a victim of his own ego. and he dies. that too. but that’s literally it! we know Nothing else about him. so i filled in all the gaps because my brain has worms. theres a little bit of the story that verges on fantasy (that he’s some sort of messiah messenger for “the infinites,” whatever the fuck THAT means, david) so i nix that because i prefer hard scifi. and theres one BIG part that i just ... deleted out of his canon, in that the world is ending in 5 years in his timeline, and he’s like ... aware of this ? but that’s dumb and confusing. i legit dont care anymore. my OC now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — im so embarrassed i know i could be genuine and actually try but i have brain blockajjolajlakala33lak33klak333ak3jka3akjj323j3 i guess it’s like ... ziggy is truly the ultimate expression OF humanity because he reveals everything both wrong and right about the human condition, he literally embodies the best of humanity and the worst at the same time, he’s a really interesting critique on the idea of genuineness/earnestness vs commercalism in art, the perils of fame, and also how humans are so inherently corrupting? a lot of thematic stuff i like exploring is like what is innate to humans vs what is learned behavior, what are things that humans do naturally that ziggy mimics out of his desire to be like us? i think he has a really good story arc -- he went from being a literal nameless CLONE in a society full of pragmatic forward thinking science-oriented people to a sell out rockstar celebrity in a society of people that value individualism and self expression and art, but in the process completely lost his mind and himself and gave into the worst that humanity has to offer like rampant selfishness, drug abuse, self destructive tendencies, etc. characters changing is always interesting and ziggy truly changes for the worse -- but he is never just black and white, he was never good and then suddenly evil, he just was always the same person putting on different facades and trying to be himself by constructing an identity that maybe was who he wanted to be versus who he actually is. i dont know what im talking about. hes just an alien trying to be too hard to be human in all the wrong ways. i just like how “gray” ziggy is. he isnt good or bad, he can be very nice and he can be very mean, he’s overtly showboating confident but at the same time deeply afflicted with self-consciousness (why tf else would anyone be So obsessed with how they present themselves?). hes an icon of individualism but also commercialism. he’s freakishly alien but is almost more human than humans themselves. he struggles as lot in his head -- which makes for interesting writing, i guess !! Im so emabrrased im not going to go back and read what i wrote so if i typoed dont look at me

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — i think ziggy comes across as really mean and nothing else. his horrible bitchy rudeness comes across as hee hee hoo hoo sassy isnt he a rascal when it’s supposed to be more like ... he’s so far gone into the celebrity delusion he’s conflated aggressive rudeness with charmingness because no one told him otherwise and everyone worships him to the point where he’s just given into the delusion that he can do no wrong. i think theres the general simplification problem that happens with a lot of fictional characters, it’s easy to see him as just a whacky sassy glittery quirky rockstar when i guess it avoids the inherent tragedy of like ... everything else about him. his totally fake and false sense of identity built up from superficial things like fame and labels and stardom. maybe my version of ziggy is just too weirdly depressing and sad when i know his original iteration wasn’t quite so ... grim. im not very sure tbh.

What inspired you to rp your muse? — hmmm ... a lot of things! i just really got into b*wie stuff in early 2019, i’ve ALWAYS loved aliens and sci-fi, and i was really shocked that db sets up such great visual storytelling potential but does it through music. i just really liked ziggys “story” and i like any chance to think about aliens so i just got invested into piecing together a little backstory for him using, like, the cumulative knowledge of literally every other piece of science fiction ive ever consumed in my life. this was summer 2019 when i was making initial pitches for my thesis film, and so i just randomly decided to pitch “animated version of ziggy stardust” as one of the potential ideas. shockingly everyone liked it a lot and so did my professor who thought it was really cool, and then i just ended up sticking with the character and working on him for an entire year. ziggy became my hobby but also my homework. he was such a fun character because everything about him was interesting to me and i had just enough source material to have a starting point but so much room to take him in any direction i wanted to.

What keeps your inspiration going? — honestly, yooooou guyssssss. i have some really amazing fwends that ive met thru here .... and some of our dumb stupid stories have literally become NOVEL length. it just self generates inspiration because you realize the limitless amount of stories you could tell with this one single character when your character enters his story or he enters their story and etc. etc. ive drawn endless amounts of comics and stuff for him ... ziggy is just so endlessly interesting ... cringe be cringed bro but recently (i know this sounds dumb bear with me or die.) ive kind of realized a lot of how i rp z comes as some metaphor for the experience of being an asian immigrant/being asian in the US -- his home “culture” is a lot stricter than the rampant selfish individualism of the usa (he only lives in the uk and usa, so he thinks the whole planet is like this), he’s dissuaded from standing out from his community and his selfishness becomes a community burden rather than a personal flaw, and when he does come to earth, he goes through such awful culture shock, literally nothing makes sense to him and everything is Different. and while some things are different in a Nice way, something things are different in an Awful way, and he’s given the option between losing his true personal identity as an atominan and giving it up to be a human. the allure of being a human is a little too much but losing yourself like this is traumatic, in a way. obvs like ... a little silly and definitely not something that i actively intended to put into his story arc, its just something that fell into place cuz i guess i worked so closely with my own personal experiences and feelings of “alienation” (pun intended) to try to understand how he would feel being a literal alien an shid. its cathartic to write about him. but he also has a lot of my own personal interests just thrown in -- 70s fashion, scifi, science, tryhard implications about human nature, art history, whatever dumb nonsense i get into

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / SOMETIMES?

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO [ i would prefer information to spring up organically in the story but cuz threads always get dropped i end up just telling people outright. i didnt want anyone to know his home planet/his old name but barely anyone writes enough with ziggy to get to that point to reveal it (i legit managed to do it organically Once) so i just had to write it in a post lmao orz ]

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO [ wrote a ton of drabbles ! drew a ton of comics! ]

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / I DUNNO?

Are you confident in your writing? YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO. / IDK ?

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — definitely! like i said ... my version of ziggy ended up being the protag of my thesis film and for 1 yr straight his characterization, backstory, design, and even how i wanted to animate his fucking movements (ziggy stardust timing charts.) were beaten to death in a classroom environment, torn apart and rebuilt into something better. had i stayed with what i originally wanted to go with, ziggy would be so different than how i write him 2day. amazingly my pre production professor is a literal two time emmy award winning storyboard artist and animator so he definitely helped me design him (my version of ziggy is meant for ... a cartoon, obviously, not real life) and give him a better backstory? and my post production professor is a retired disney animator who worked on hercules and a bunch of old disney channel shows? had i gone wah wah wah i dont want to hear ur critiques i wouldnt have made him better. if you ever think ziggy seems inconsistent or poorly written ... tell me !! i literally major in ... animation. cartoons. entertainment. my job is to entertain you. if you are not entertained, there is a problem. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED ????

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — I LOVE QUESTIONS? i love ... answering questions ... if you ask me something ill come kiss you.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — sure! i dont know why that would happen, though, because i mean ... he’s an OC. but i gues someone could be like “i feel like this is incongruous to things you’ve previously established in his character” or somethin

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — i feel like a lot of b*wie stans would find my version of ziggy weird but i mean thats fine! i guess my goal is to have a well written character, not necessarily an accurate version of ziggy

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — if you hate MY version of ziggy thats fine but if u hate ziggy stardust in general (like the bowie concept) then u need some taste what the fuck is cooler than a egomaniac genderless bisexual rockstar alien with red hair? nothing. go back to watching your CW shows you dirty filthy normie

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — yes! dm me though. dont clown me on the dash like that. i usually write your replies 12 AM - 4 AM so it’s expected.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — hmmm ... maybe! i do like to talk to people and i am VERY nice, trust me, if youre ever sad ill do everything i can to make you feel better. but im quiet! i dont really reach out to people and i tend to just keep to myself. im not very social or extroverted at all haha i barely can make ooc posts without feeling like god’s coming to beat my head in with a brick. im sitting here at 5:30 AM with this meme feeling like if i post it i will die (BUT I MUST)

#a lot of it is under the readmore because these always get so long and mine is long long long long long long long long long long long #ooc #KEEP YOUR 'LECTRIC EYE ON ME ; queue #and thakn you for tagging me ! i like to mkae Words

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paperminted · 4 years

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Cancer Stranger Danger

When you are young and still figuring life out, the last thing in your mind is that you would be diagnosed with a life-threating disease, and much worse - cancer. So many people are unfamiliar with lymphoma which is why I always encourage everyone who finds out about my cancer to ask as much questions as they want. I know the initial emotions when you find out someone has cancer would be concern and sympathy. I just wish the next one would be curiosity. One friend who asked me a lot about lymphoma told me that she would use this information to educate herself and her family. Knowing what the warning signs are would definitely help you and your loved ones. I'm so grateful for my medical background that I know and understand not all but a few things that made all the difference between life and death. I just feel so bad for those who aren't knowledgable enough and don't have medical access especially during this time that they get diagnosed late and have to suffer even more in the long run. Since I have already posted about how I found out about my lymphoma and my warning signs, I'd like to write more about my present condition and continue to do so for the entire span of my treatment.

I have undergone four chemo sessions out of the twelve that I have to complete. My treatment protocol is called ABVD which is just an abbrevation of the four drugs that need to be infused every session. I go to the cancer center every two weeks. I get to recover within the span of two weeks and the go back again for the next round of drugs as long as my blood works are good. They have to make sure my blood counts are not too low, and my liver and kidney function is good. Chemo targets your cells and destroy both the good ones and the bad ones as long as they are fast-dividing cells. These includes your white blood cells which is a big part of the immune system. This is the reason why I am immunocompromised. The other cells targeted are the ones that line your stomach, mouth, and your scalp. Yep, this explains a few of the side effects that I have experienced. The nausea and vomiting that you see in the movies are true, and most especially the part where you lose your hair little by little. The nausea can be really bad during the first three to five days. I can only tolerate bland and dry food. Sometimes just by looking at certain food makes me nauseaous. I can only count the number of times that I have vomitted because I try so hard not to. Once I vomit, it makes me feel that I'm not helping my body fight against cancer and I don't want it to win. I started losing strands of hair after my second session. It eventually progressed to losing hair balls once I run through my hair. I decided to shave my hair at that point because it made me feel like I have control over my cancer. I decide when I want to lose hair, not you! In relation to the mouth, I got mouth sores. The next side effect that I have felt is neuropathy. My feet just went numb and tingly at the same time. It's bad when it happens when I'm standing up or walking because it gets so hard to move. Someone needs to assist me just to get from one place to another if I need to. There are medications for all these side effects though but I really don't want to keep relying on them. I supplement them with topical rubs and aromatherapy. Other than that there are just lots of muscle pains especially on my arm where they place my IV during chemo since one drug is super strong and damaging. It takes lots of cold compress for a few days before my arm feels normal. I'm practically one-handed during the entire time it gets sore.

I know cancer is not glamorous but it's not always how they portray it in the movies where color is drained from your face and you look super sick all the time. Some people don't even experience all the side effects while some do. It gets tiring a few days after you get chemo but then it gets better eventually. Your body just demands you to rest from all the toxic stuff that has been put inside. This gets me to the point on how truly important it is to detox by drinking lots of water and just being healthy. The doctor didn't tell me any specific food that I should avoid. You just generally need to stay healthy like how one normally should. Maybe the only few specially mentioned to be avoided were raw and uncooked food since my body's immune system is down. Basically you just have to make sure your food is cooked properly which is how one normally should. I just drink a milk supplement and whey protein to keep my body weight up and relatively normal since there are really days when your appetite is low.

One of the things that has helped me cope and survive one day at a time is establishing a routine. I'm the type who likes organizing and scheduling so figuring out a routine really helped me during my recovery period. Putting up a small business online which started out as a hobby gives me a sense of purpose in its own little way. I have also set goals and plans that makes me look forward to something in the future which motivates me to complete my treatment. But crafting has also made me look forward from day to day. And now, I also look forward to writing more about my own experiences living with cancer during a pandemic in the hopes of making whoever gets to read this be aware and have an idea of how living with cancer is like.

#hodgkin's #lymphoma #cancer #blogs

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threeletterslife · 4 years

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Hi chana, its weekly anon!! Im so so so so sorry i was away for a while, my stupid wifi went out and we literally JUST got it back USDFSDKHFS howEVER i just caught up with everything ive missed and i literally have so many words. ‘On a cold summer day’ was literally so fun to read. As someone who LOVES fluff, this was such a cute story to read. Watching their relationship develop over time was literally so wholesome! Now, insurrection (its about time) i literally could NOT stop crying +

+ LITERALLY CHANA THE TEARS JUST KEPT COMING???? I had a FEELING something was gonna go wrong but i thought someone would find out about the club and snitch! I- LITERALLY THE WAY YOU WRITE YOUR STORIES ARE SO SPECIAL THAT I ALWAYS GET SO ATTACHED TO ALL THE CHARACTERS. I love how you brought attention to our disgusting school system, and especially the feeling of not having a passion or hobby. I feel exactly like that and it feels so nice to be understood. +

+this story was so bittersweet but the lesson it teaches is so beautiful. And i LOVED yn’s character so much, she was so kind hearted and so bubbly, it brought a lot of softness to the story!! And ‘for everland’ FIRST OFF CAN I SAY I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER TO BE ABLE TO READ 24 HOUR TIME FUSDJGKSDG also hands down agree with y/n, its CAR- amel. Moving onto the ACTUAL story, the way you write dystopian concepts are so interesting. +

+ I love the little details you add and how you always add explanations to the things they use (eg, suppressants) also is it bad that i ACTUALLY thought everland was a place they went? WHEN I GOT HIT WITH THE TRUTH I WAS SO SHOOK. ESPECIALLY THE WAY YOU WROTE THE LINE OMG “don't you understand? Everland is death.” LIKE IT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS. I usually prefer happy endings over sad endings, but the way you write your endings is more of a ‘complete’. +

+ Like there are sad elements, but there's also a sense of happiness in it too, which makes it so unique. ANYWAYS! Again im so so so so so sorry i wasn't on for so long :(( BUT READING ALL OF THESE MADE ME SO CONTENT. Thanks so much for all your hard work chana, as usual it paid off SO well!!!! Take careeee!! <3 <3 <3

OMG WEEKLY ANON YOU’RE BACK I MISSED YOU 🥺🥺🥺 PLEASE YOU DON’T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE AT ALL I’M JUST SO GLAD THAT YOU’RE BACK 🥰🥰

AND YES, on a cold summer day rlly is one of my rArE fluff fics LOL. it’s definitely one of my more wholesome/comedic stories 🤩

omg i have a lot to say about insurrection (it’s about time) only because like half of the stuff that happened in that story happened in my school LOL. the bomb threat, the student su*cides were all stuff that happened irl. not to mention a couple of our students threatening to bring weapons to school to gun everyone down 😀 (they said, and i QUOTE “it was gonna be bigger than columbine”). yes, my school is messed up. welton is loosely inspired by it (: yes the story is a sad one, i agree 😔😔 I REALLY TRY TO MAKE MY CHARACTERS LIKABLE 😭😭 it took me a while to develop oc from insurrection though. i needed someone who was altruistic, intelligent and insightful but also blinded by her strong beliefs (which she paid the price for in the end). i wanted to write a story like insurrection for more than four years now. i remember one of my first planned drafts of it actually did end with the male mc ratting out the female oc and her group LMAO. but i held onto the school revolt idea for four years because 1) it’s kinda controversial 2) i didn’t have the writing skills then to flesh out the idea 3) i wasn’t accustomed to writing “darker” stories. but i mean, now that angst is my thing, i totally snatched up this opportunity 🥰 but you’re absolutely right! i tried very hard to make insurrection sound “lighter” and “happier” using yn’s character!!

AHAHA AND I AGREE WITH YOU. IT’S CAR-AMEL. I FIGURED WRITING THE HOURS IN MILITARY TIME WOULD GIVE TAGNA THE MORE “DYSTOPIAN/MILITARY SOCIETY” TWIST TO IT. omg i was SO worried that people would find out that everland was death too early on in the story but to see that you had no idea until yoongi made the big reveal MAKES ME SO RELIEVEDFJDSLFJL. and yes. i think i’m literally obsessed with bittersweet endings. i love having that sad, angsty element to the end of the story. i don’t know why LMAO. but i also like interweaving a bit of hope. because what’s sadness without happiness yk? i need bOTH to get the perfect ending 😭 AHH I’M SORRY THAT YOU PREFER HAPPY ENDINGS AND ALL I EVER DO IS WRITE ANGSTY STUFF 😭😭 I PROMISE I HAVE A CRACK/FLUFF FIC COMING UP SOON!!

thank you SO, SO MUCH for this lengthy review again. you have no idea how much it brightened up my day. i write so you can read!!! and i’m so glad that i can even have the smallest impact on others through words/stories. please take care as well!!! 💜

#ask #anon #weekly anon #on a cold summer day #oacsd #insurrection #for everland #this message added back like ten years to my life 🥰🥰#I'M SORRY THAT YOU CRIED READING INSURRECTION #I DIDN'T THINK IT WOULD INDUCE TEARS #BUT MAYBE I'M JUST CRAZY AND UNEMOTIONAL IDK

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youareunbearable · 4 years

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every single day im more and more sure im some form of autistic mainly because of how relatable a lot of autistic headcannons im seeing are? Like ive never been tested and if i mention my thoughts to my family they laugh it off, and ik its really hard to diagnose women and adults because of ability to camouflage but i swear im somewhere on the spectrum.

I’m putting a list of stuff under a readmore, but if ppl who know about autism wants to throw in their two cents i’ll gladly take it!

I used to do the flappy hand thing when processing/dealing with high emotions, i did it for almost a decade when i was a kid before i trained myself out of it because my family and peers used to tease me about it (my parents would laugh at me because id flap when i got frustrated and joke that im trying to fly away)

i used to do the raptor hands thing when in idle mode but when i was a teen someone told me how weird it looks/it makes ppls eyes go to my chest which makes me uncomfy so now i just clasp my hands behind my back

i can never really tell what emotion im feeling unless someone else or I voice it. like i’ll be going through all the symptoms of being stressed/mad/happy, but i wont understand what emotion that is unless i say either to myself or out loud what it is, or when others point it out “oh you look happy/ amber youre pretty mad/ why are you upset?”

i hyper fixate on things, and only really like to talk about those things. my entire childhood it was birds, anything bird related i had to own, and it wasn’t until i moved off to uni that i stopped. Never really told anyone about it tho because it was a weird hobby. I had a cabinet full of ceramic birds and a wall of bird plushies that when pressed did their call.

For all that im told im really empathetic i REALLY don’t understand what other people are feeling. I know what they SHOULD be feeling based off of all the media I consume, and when i help them through their problems i either just tell them what i would want to hear or what the the solution to a similar problem a character in a book was going though. I’m really good at piecing together what ppl want to hear, and basing their solutions off of fanfiction/media that 90% I feel like it works? I mean ppl keep coming back for advice? but if it werent for that id have no fucking idea whats going on with other ppl

I’m weird about touch. now this COULD be from the fact that my family is very touch removed, but i find i crave touch, or the idea of touch, but when it happens i hate it, it makes my skin crawl, especially when ppl touch my neck. ive had the ladies at hair salons brush my hair before and me flinching every time they come close to my neck

while im not super about routine, i do find that when i have to follow someone elses i get annoyed, or when my time gets interrupted. but i think this is a normal human thing. but my brother has ocd and follows a strict routine from when he wakes up to how long he brushes his teeth so maybe im a little biased with that as a mindset for routine following

Im super particular about texture. I wont eat certain foods because of how they feel when im chewing it, velvet makes me want to rip off my skin when i touch it and i have to wipe my hands off on other fabric when i do, my skin feels super sensitive to touch so much so that seams and off textures make me what to scratch my skin off, and i often get large red welts when it happens, i also cant stand the feeling of liquid on my lips when i drink or eat, so i have to lick it off after (or pat it with a napkin) but ive noticed that no one else in my friends or family do that, and im trying to stop cause im being teased over it but its hard cause the wet feeling is AWFUL

side note on the scratching thing: i often do it when im in high emotional situations, dragging my nails up and down my legs or arms is kinda of relaxing and im im just now kinda realizing that this could be the bad version of the flapping i used to do, because i didnt scratch when i flapped, but now that i stopped the welts are here. ive also only broken my skin ONCE but i was in depressive spiral so eh.

Im so great at mimicking other people and do it so naturally that i actually had to talk with my therapist about that because i was having identity issues over the fact that i dont know who i am anymore because i just pick up other peoples ways of acting (gestures, walking, what to do with my hands) and talking (phrases, tone, ways of thinking, etc) and often decide what im going to do that would have the best social impact on ppl like im picking a choice from a phrase wheel in a video game (Ive stopped doing this as much since therapy, and now i feel like i do it a normal human amount)

when i was in elementary, i was a fucking angry kid, for no apparent that i can tell because i could never tell when i was pissed unless other ppl told me to calm down. I remember literally talking to a friend in highschool who had anger problems and i remember finding it annoying and telling myself “im not going to act like that” and then suddenly i wasnt angry anymore and the thought of punching someone is gross, but my sister stil tells me sometimes that im “violent” but i literally can never recall me doing anything like that anymore???? so whatever

theres more to this list but its 3am and i cant think really but

#personal #amber rambles #am I autistic or just making myself think i am?? more on this next time im sleep deprived #one of my students was autistic and the kid was so relatable

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solarsystem69 · 4 years

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Hi 😊 for the system asks how about 🤫: Any Funny System Stories? 🥰: Any Wholesome System Stories? 🎨: Any Hobbies That Everyone In The System Enjoys? - c (The Union)

(Some of this is text convos i’ve had with ex-best mates and some is nsfw cuz funny stories for us generally are rude in nature lol nothing too explicit just weird flirting really)

we used to make lissie and max dance together and lissie is like "hes an arse but i like to dance so okay" and max is like "fuck off" he dances with her anyway. so like yeah. then we are listening to music and we're like "Dance with lissie" and hes like "no" and so lissie is like "just go back to your lonely tower then, you downer" and hes like "Fine, i will. I will go.. all alone... to my bedroom" like thats hmmm. so once hes gone, lilly is like "Thats an open invitation to you to come to his room to bone" and lissie is like "lol no... wait... is it??" and doll face is like "oh definitely " and so we send lissie off to find out whether it was in invitation to bone or not. and in our front room we have screens. a main one for the outerworld and some other ones for different rooms in the inner world castle. and so i tap the screen cuz its a little sketchy to use. but anyway, lissie had been upstairs for a while so were worried he killed her but we see what went on. Lissie went to his room and knocked on the door and he answers. and hes like "I thought you told me to go away." and shes like "Yeah but i didnt think you would and then lilly said you gave me an invitation to join you and bone so.. i just..." and hes like "You came to take me up on my offer to bone?" smirk and shes like "Ugh no. you're an arse and youre rude and obnoxious" and hes like "Oh please go on, im very flattered rn" and shes like "it wasnt a compliment. ugh i hate you." and he like " actually you dont. you like me " and shes like "what no ew" and hes like "You do. i can see it and i understand why. They are all the same downstairs and im not like them" and shes like "Woah, dont you dare say they. they are all individuals" and hes like "Yes. but theyve all got strong morals and good hearts. and youre bored. so you like me" and shes like "ill kick your ass okay. those things are good things to have. youre a jerk" and by now shes like gradually moved closer to be 'intimidating'? and hes like "oh really?" smirkyness and shes like "Yea. youre just so mean and arrogant and you are such a bad person, you need to be--" and hes like "Say it, baby. i dare you." and shes like "..Punished.." and then bam hes practically throwing her on the bed and like ......... so thats when i turned that screen off. so like hilarious in hindsight but at the time. shooketh.

Doll face and lilly integrated (merged into 1 chick) which makes sense because doll face is too emotionally stable but impulsive and lilly is too emotionally unstable but logical. they didnt choose it and it is fairly easy now. or easier. doll face (loved them so much but ) was wayyy too impulsive. always making decisions for the worse but were fun which would have been fine if they actually cared but they didnt. thats okay. they were young. and lilly was lonely and needed to care a little less about her past. and idk. but its deffo for the better. yeah they were family basically anyway so i think shes really happy about it tho sometimes they do look in a mirror like "Wow. now ive got no dick and some small tits". i mean lmao. she really does focus on the small boobs thing. and we're like "they are average 🙂 " and shes like "No. easy for u to say tit-anosaurus rex"

Also, Nate almost called one of our ex-best mates mum’s a milf.

(ugh going through old messages to mates to see if i can find more funny stories ad accidentally came across trauma ewwww miss me with that shit)

Wholesome... hmmm. we have plenty of sorta funny, interesting stories. Oh actually yes. I know. Okay, so i sorta just am always stalking around the inner world so i see almost everything. But this starts in our front room (like our fronting room but our living room, its genius ik) we were listening to music (or Nate was) and Fox decided to come dance in the fronting room to the bops and me and Lilly saw them dancing very saucily together 😏 ya know. So we laughed and left. So we're listening to music on the way home and Lilly, Fox and Nate are in the room. And its all chill and then Nate starts flirting with Fox and Fox is all blushing and looking down like "Idk what to do rn" and Lilly and I are laughing and then Fox slightly reciprocated (as a joke probably...) And now Nate jas him basically pinned against a wall. Not physically just like with his intense eye contact. 😂 its hilarious. Lilly is threatening to go get Lissie because she was like "You two dicks aren't going near each other." And Nates like "What gives you the right to declare where my cock goes?" 😂 like wow. And Lilly was like "Oh I'm just going to go get Lissie then" and Nate was like "No no. Don't do that." Cuz Lissie really has the right 😂😂. Nate asked Fox to kiss him and Fox said "No..." 😂 savage but then you make my balls so blue from heathers came on and I'm dead. Fox: Sorry. Its not you. I just can't.. Nate: Okay. You don't have to. Lilly and me: *Sad eye contact cuz we know why Fox doesn't want to kiss anyone* Fox: *Kisses Nate on the cheek* Nate: *Blushes adorably- breaking his bad ass persona* Nate: you know not all sexual stuff involves kissing. Uh. If you don't want it to. Fox: *giggles quietly like a lil twink* I don't want any sex though. As pretty as you are, I just don't want that. Nate: *is absolutely crushed* Yeah. Okay. But I need some cock so imma head out and try to gain some pride. Lilly: I've not built the village in this innerworld yet so.. Idk where you're heading out to. Nate: *sighs so deeply* I'll be in my room then. Stay out. Fox: Sorry. I didn't mean to egg him on at first only to deny him. I just thought it would be fun and then I thought even if it did lead to sex then it wouldn't matter because I don't mind and then I remembered that I did mind and I don't want that. Lilly: *hugs Fox* that's alright. He'll get over it. He's tried it on with all of us atleast once and we're all women. I would've saved Fox from Nate only He didn't look like he wanted to be saved. at this point in time, our innerworld was still being built by lilly so we all were sleeping in one room, with the littles. and i witnessed the sweetest thing. So I was doing the final checks to make sure everyone was in bed and since Nate doesn't want to sleep with the Littles anymore (they can be slightly irritating) I had to go find his room. He's in a tower room. Its not got a bed and it's freezing but hey no loud children. And as I'm about to turn the corner I see Fox knocking on his door after clearly being there for a while debating whether or not to because Nate told us to stay out. Quickly Nate opens the door and immediately as he sees fox, puts his hand on Fox's arm gently (how sweet. Hes not usually gentle) and Fox is all: I'm sorry. I just couldn't kiss you. Just recently with the bad things and the kissing involved in the bad thing. And Nates all: its okay. I shouldn't have put pressure on you like that. I'm so sorry. I understand. And he's hugging him. Like and kissing his head and hes like "Is that alright?" And fox is like "Yeah. Its nice." And squeezes the hug tighter. So sweet honestly. And then Nates like "I know I'm really sexual and that makes you uncomfortable a lot but you know I would never want you to do anything you didn't want to." And fox is all like "I'm just so scared that I'm never going to be able to kiss anyone ever again because I can't get over that time and I really want to forget it." And Nates hugging him really tight and cuz he's taller, he can rest his chin on Fox's head. And im still watching cuz I'm weird and entranced by these confessions. And then Nates like "Do you want to come in?" And Fox is like "No Littles tonight?" And Nates smiling nicely and is like "No I get nightmares and I don't wanna wake them up. And theyre annoying as heck." And fox is like "I know what you mean. Yeah I'll come in." And Nate leads Fox in by his hips gently. *fox and lissie talking bout feelings* Lissie: what's wrong, my sweet? Who hurt you? Fox: *Wiping tears away* no one really. I'm fine. I don't even know why I'm crying. Lissie: Its okay to be sad sometimes. Fox: I'm not sad. I'm nothing. Just numbness. Lissie: that's worse than being sad. Tell me, sweetie. What happened. Fox: I asked Nate to be my boyfriend. I mean, I was kissing him and I didn't get any flashbacks even when I was overthinking and remembering. Nothing and it was so relieving. And I asked him. And he said he had to go for a walk. Lissie: Oh darling. It'll be okay. He loves you. Fox: Does he now? sigh I just love him so much. I love him more than you approve of. I love him so much I don't know what to do. But in not what he needs. He wants physical love and even so, he cant handle commitment. And I know that you don't want us together so you'll get your wish but I need him. Ive never been so relaxed and happy. Lissie: That's true. I've never seen you so happy as recently. I'm glad Nate could bring that to you but I don't approve, no. But if you're going to be together, I will support it. I will encourage happiness, that's a promise I can keep. I'm not disapproving to make it impossible for you to be together, in only disapproving so you have to prove to me that you two can make it. If you two make each other happy, I will be there for you no matter what. Fox: Thank you..... They spoke more but I didn't listen. After strictly avoiding Nate for three days, Fox finally has the courage to face up to him. As the group exit the cozy dining room, Fox weakly holds on to Nate's elbow. Obeying, Nate stares at the ground, clenching his jaw. "I'll start, I suppose." Fox forces out, false confidence strengthening the statement. "I-I'm really sorry that I asked you out. Of course, you wouldn't say yes. That's fine. Completely fine. And I'm really sorry that I made you uncomfortable with me. I really do like you though. Like love really. And even though you don't feel the same... I can't just be your friend. We can keep trying but it will just make us both miserable. We're just lucky the others are giving us time to figure it out instead of just getting rid of us for being dramatic." Fox rants, getting out of breath and manic toward the end. "I have never heard you say so many words. Are you okay?" Nate smiles charmingly, concerned. "No." Fox answers honestly, a tremble in his voice. Suddenly, Fox is embraced by warm, strong arms. Wriggling further into Nate's warmth, Fox breathes in the boyish scent of Nate. All sharp and smooth. The arms tighten around Fox's shoulders. "I love you too. You know this. I'm sorry that I've been... Not great recently. I just thought we could both use some space. The village... It's the next thing to be built. But I-I don't just want it there for sex. I wouldn't do that to you. I just like the people they're interesting and good friends. You're the one I want. They're nothing compared to the beautiful complexities of you. I hope you'll accept my request to be your boyfriend." Nate excruciatingly slowly spills his soul, hands rubbing the back of Fox's neck how he likes it. Fox freezes, slowly pulling away after a few moments. "You... I'm sorry, what?" Fox whispers, teary eyed. "Please let me be your boyfriend. I'll beg on my knees, I swear. I'm so sorry. I've never been so lonely as I've been without you. Please come back to me." Nate practically sobs, hands reaching up to cover his face. "You actually want to be my boyfriend? What? No... That can't be right... Right? What?" Fox, ever the articulate bean, mutters, completely confused and shocked. "Yes. I want to be your boyfriend. I won't have sex with anyone and I won't hug or touch anyone else I swear. I miss you so much. I hate everyone else so much. I need you." Nate falls to his knees, taking Fox's hand in his and pressed his lips to the soft skin as he rambles, tears falling down his face. "You absolute idiot. You moron. You complete fool." Fox sighs, rambling random tiny insults, before falling to his knees and taking Nate's face in his hands. "I'm so totally in love with you." Fox mumbles, pressing his forehead to Nate's. a couple weeks later: they sang a love song together. 😩 I literally cried. Nate on his guitar and Fox singing. Ive never seen him so relaxed and happy. Ahhh. I wanna cry I'm so excited. 😂😂😂 these boys will be the death of me. theyre both the biggest drama queens and they so gay.

im so sorry that was so long but their relationship created so much drama between us bc we didnt know if it would work out and theyre the most wholesome boys, except nate but well he has his moments. softest boiis uwu.

Everyone in the system likes to sing and play games and read. Fox mainly likes to write and stuff but Evan is also knows for her nice stories on wattpad lmao. We arent very active, so we dont do much sport but we do like badminton and we used to do a running club. Evan likes baking, where it stressed me tf out. i cant even crack an egg right. only Evan draws really. Our main hobbies are minecraft, eating unhealthy foods and sleeping :)

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