#its one of the reasons the first hunger games appeals to me so much actually because it explores that sort of. audience side

[ozzieinspacetime]

Trevor Hills being Pathetic Blorbo #1 and your enjoyment of him being said Pathetic Blorbo #1 just adding on to the games pre-existing meta commentary is,, so good. They made him as miserable as possible and god it really worked.

[i-left-my-room-tidy]

i saw you are a naruto shifter and wanted to ask about the violence??? how do you deal with trauma and death ?

[thanks for this ask!]

first off, i want to say that I'm somewhat surprised at being asked this question just now. as someone who's been shifting on and off to the elemental nations for over a year now, it just came as a belated realisation.

it's simple but you did not hesitate to pull a punch with that question holy shit

- - -

[TW: talk about death and violence]

note that the only things i fully scripted for this DR (I'm assuming you meant my warring clans era one) are aspects of life that directly relate to me. i hardly interfered with anything from canon save a few key events, nor have i scripted out anything that relates to the world at large (societies, traditions, cultures, and et cetera). everything else is a result of kishimoto's writing and worldbuilding.

one of my oldest posts in the main blog addresses half of this issue. from what i can remember of it, i talked about the trauma naruto shifters can experience while shifting to the elemental nations. when you have people like danzō and orochimaru, for instance, many contingencies need to be made. when you have people like sai and kakashi, therapy is very much a requirement. DR trauma is a very real thing, and my experiences with my warring clans era DR are no exception to that.

if you're referring to the violence in my DR—no, i did not script it out. call me blunt for this, but what's the point of wanting to become a ninja without actually experiencing the essence of being one? the world of naruto, in itself, is ugly by social standards. i can accept the fact that it's not perfect.

i can script certain things out, i know. why have child soldiers? why have human experiments? why have poverty in the world?

say that i do script those kinds of things out. what replaces them, then? I'm not a god—not in the way it counts—I'm a regular person who can make mistakes and miscalculate even the smallest details. how do i reassure myself that what comes after my scripting is the best course of action to happen? everyone likes to talk about snapping things into place, but what about what comes after? and after? and after that?

there's a reason i don't like playing judge/jury/executioner when it comes to moralities. everyone lives different lives, born into different families—what i know and was taught to know is not always going to coincide with what you do. so, i leave the world at large alone. unless i plan to do active worldbuilding for a DR, i won't change much of its story's premises to begin with.

i know what you're probably thinking: have i ever killed in my DR?

and it's a reasonable question. the answer?

yes, i have, but not when I'm actively shifting. I've alluded to it when i posted about my DR script in the main blog. i chose to belong to a clan, to one of its upper branches, to become a shinobi. nearly everyone in my immediate family in that DR has been raised to become a soldier for the clan. it's as simple as that.

however, i haven't gone on missions that involve fighting while I'm shifting. a few diplomatic talks outside the compound, but that's it. there haven't been any major altercations in my DR lately either, from what I'm aware of. it doesn't make it any better, though that's more on the objectivity of it than anything else.

you have to understand that some shifters out there also shift to dystopias and apocalypses, like The Hunger Games or The Walking Dead, or even horror worlds like IT. when you find media you like, you realise it's because you attach meaning to characters and their lives, or to the structures of the worlds that they are living in. and when you're planning to shift to their realities, while you can script things out, you still need to remember what brought the appeal to go there on in the first place.

that doesn't justify killing—i think we can all agree on that—but it's less to do with conscience and more of convenience. feel free to disagree with me on that, but I'm settled with what i am now.

if it's about trauma and death; I've already scripted beforehand that nothing carries over to my CR. I'm of the idea that things that happen in other realities should stay in those realities. I'm not a god, even if i have a developing god complex because of shifting. i know that there are stuff that, despite my initial thoughts of overcoming them, would actually leave their mark. whatever happens to me in my naruto DR will stay there—i don't need to bring it back here.

- - -

apologies if i was blunt about it, or even if it sounds apathetic. i just want you to know that I'm not justifying nor glorifying anything, only stating the situation as is.

[pricklynoodle]

real or not real

Itadori Yuji/Fushiguro Megumi pairing | Squid Game AU | Rated T | warning: implied character death | ANGST

( yes, writing instead of doing school lol, squid game ruined me so if you want to read this then be warned of SQUID GAME SPOILERS. There's no graphic death, but its sad as hell either way TT)

---

“The player who takes all ten marbles from your partner wins.”

Megumi had always kept to himself, never saying anything unless spoken to, never stuck to groups, and never took the choice to attach himself to something. Everything had an expiration date. Unnecessary things like friendships had never appealed to him. He only needed his sister, and it wasn’t like she had the choice to have him as her brother. But the fact that she still stuck around caring for him until she worked herself to a coma.

So honestly, it’s a surprise why he feels his heart drop when the announcement tells him he has to go against … whatever 310 is to him.

He hardly knows 310, and doesn't know anything about his life actually. Other than that he’s crazy strong, has an impressive pain tolerance, but also the loudest kid he’s ever met. He's always around him, sticking to Megumi like a persistent piece of gum stuck to his shoe. But he doesn't dislike him, but he can't say he's thrilled with him either.

But would Megumi kill him?

Stupid, he tells himself.

“Oh, fuck, I honestly didn’t see that coming,” 310 says with a grimace, looking at Megumi guiltily as if he was the cause of Megumi’s inner turmoil. He sits down on one of the stone benches. The whole setup was supposed to mimic a typical neighborhood, something Megumi wasn’t fortunate enough to grow up in. The bastards even made the effort to add in the sounds of cicadas from the fake trees, as if this was a completely normal summer for a couple of teens.

Megumi doesn’t say anything, he feels dizzy. He drops down to the bench, away from 310 as possible.

“I’ve always wanted to say this,” 310 says as he rests his elbows on his knees, looking at Megumi seriously, “This whole thing reminds me of Hunger Games.”

Megumi looks at him with furrowed brows.

“You know, Jennifer Lawrence?” 310 pushes. Megumi says nothing. “...Tall girl, big ass? The one with the arrows?”

“Can you shut the fuck up,” Megumi deadpans, then he shakes his head. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He counts to ten, then glances down at his hand. 10 marbles. “Just tell me how to play this game.”

“I don’t know either,” 310 admits, sounding sheepish. He shrugs carelessly, “This is more of the games my gramps used to play, but he was too busy being sick to teach me though.”

Megumi looks up at 310. He looks tired, but nostalgic. Like he was thinking of a good memory.

310 perks up, grinning at Megumi brightly, “though they said that we can make our own rules. I’ll think of something.”

Megumi nods solemnly. The silence stretches until 310 lets out an ‘aha!’.

“Let’s bet everything and just play one around,” 310 says, even dropping his fist down onto his hand as if it were the best idea ever.

Megumi freezes, staring at 310, was he going to trick him? He doesn’t even know him. They’re not friends. Of course, everything still is a death tournament at the end of the day.

310 seems to pick up Megumi’s reluctance, he jerks his head to the side. He points towards the pair of men competing against each other, looking frantic and panicked.Their faces are sheened with sweat, t-shirts drenched in sweat. It’s… it’s a pathetic sight.

“Fine,” Megumi relents. “What are we playing?”

“Calm down,” 310 chuckles, “are you that excited to kill me?”

Megumi stays quiet.

“We have a lot of time left,” 310 says breezily, pointing towards the timer mounted on the wall. “Let’s do it at the last minute.”

“What do you suggest we do till then?” Megumi asks with a scowl. “Sit nice and pretty, twiddle our thumbs and shove these marbles up our asses?”

“Jesus, man,” 310 laughs, “no just… talk.”

“Talk,” Megumi repeats.

“Talk,” 310 smiles, looking down at his hands. Megumi looks at them too. He remembers the hard calluses on them, when they shook hands. They’re thick and sturdy, and hold a lot of power. He really could have killed Megumi before, just wrap his hands around his neck and it’s all over.

Megumi also shakes away the filthy thoughts of what else those hands could do. Get a grip, Fushiguro.

“Things we couldn’t tell other people,” 310 says, smiling wistfully. “One of us is going to die here anyways.”

Megumi swallows the lump in his throat.

310 smiles wider. He’s always smiling, Megumi notes.

“There’s no reason to feel embarrassed if that’s the case,” 310 tells him, “I promise I won’t laugh when you blush like a tomato.”

“I don’t,” Megumi denies, but he can feel the heat already rising up to his cheeks.

“You do,” 310 says, “but I think it’s cute.”

Cute.

“So, uh, you have someone back home then?” 310 asks.

“Yeah,” Megumi says.

“...like a girlfriend or something?”

“Sister,” Megumi says quickly, “no...never a girlfriend. Impossible for me.”

“Ah, okay,” 310 says, nodding. “Just your sister?”

“I had a dad, but he … never came back.” Megumi confesses, “he was a shitty dad. He was never really home, but he gave us shelter and food. He had a bad temper, but he never hit us. He never liked to be around me especially. I … used to think he hated me.”

“What changed?” 310 asked.

“I… I became him. I understand why he did what he did,” Megumi says, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket. “Doing dirty jobs, stealing, never at home. Hiding from danger. Hiding us from danger. Protection.”

310 nodded, he slid closer to Megumi. Thighs brushing. Silence continues.

“He came here,” Megumi says, looking up at the ceiling. It’s painted a pink-orange gradient, like a sunset. “I found half of that business card in one of his jackets. The last two digits were cut off. I dialed every possible number until I got here.”

“For what?” 310 asks.

“Find him,” Megumi says, “punch him. I would have killed him, I think, if I found out that he left us to rot. Then steal all his money to pay for my sister’s medical bills.”

“Oh, she’s sick?”

“Coma,” Megumi clarifies. “Some rich bastard from work hit her on her way home. He got off easy because of money.”

“I see,” 310 says, clenching his fists. “That’s terrible.”

“Yeah,” Megumi says gruffly.

“You’re still getting money though,” 310 says. He doesn’t say but you don’t get your dad back. “What would you do with it?”

Megumi doesn’t even hesitate, “pay for my sister’s medical bills. Buy a nice house for us to live in. A car, if I can.”

“If you can?” 310 says, “where would you drive your car?”

“school,” Megumi says simply. “I would use my car to drive to school.”

310 blinks. “You know, you can do much more with that 40 billion. You really don’t want anything else? Don’t have a destination?”

“I’d go to Sendai.”

“Wh—Sendai? I’m from Sendai. Are you kidding me? Are you going to drive there with a shiny new Toyota Yaris?”

Megumi blushes furiously, “enough about me, ugh, it’s your turn anyways.”

310 shakes his head, but he’s giggling like a schoolgirl. “You really have to think bigger. Have you ever been to the beach?”

“No,” Megumi says.

“You should, one that’s got nice soft sand and blue water. With palm trees too. And you should get piña coladas.”

“What?”

“C’mon man, you don’t get to be frugal with 40 billion. I’ll teach you how to splurge once we get out—”

Ah.

“Right,” 310 breathes out, laughing to himself all silly. “Only one of us leaves.”

Megumi grunts.

Silence.

“...Ever seen a dead body?” 310 asks.

“...I’ve been answering all these questions. You haven’t answered at all,” Megumi points out, feeling far too exposed for running his mouth.

“Ah you’re right! Uh, I don’t have anyone.”

“But your grandfather—”

“He’s dead. For a while now. My mom and dad. Also dead. My brother is on the run. He’s, uh, killed a lot of people. He got the death penalty, so yeah, haven’t really seen him around.”

Megumi looks at him.

“I don’t think he counts,” 310 says, scratching his face. Megumi realizes the scars on his face aren’t from the previous games. They looked healed, puckered and faded from time.“He looks a lot like me, though. A lot of people can’t tell us apart. He hated that. He’s only a bit taller than me, and he loves to brag about it. He has a huge ego.”

“I see.”

“Yeah,” 310 says, but he doesn’t look awkward about it. Just mildly inconvenienced. “Oh, have we really been talking for that long?”

Megumi looks at the time. They have less than 2 minutes.

310 stands up, swiping the dirt off his pants. He pats around for his marbles. “Okay, so you see that wall over there?”

Megumi nods mutely. It’s quite far, maybe around 2 meters.

“Okay, we throw one marble, and the one closest to the wall wins, okay?”

“Okay.” Megumi nods, easy enough.

“Okay, you go first.”

Megumi scowls.

“added rule, we do it together,” he says, jaw clenched.

“Eh?” 310 looks at him, confused.

“I’ve been doing things first, so it seems rather fair if we do it at the same time, with our best effort, okay? I have the blue marble, you get the red one.”

“... okay.”

“Don’t give me a weak ass toss, alright, that doesn’t count,” Megumi says gruffly, narrowing his eyes at him. “Do your best.”

310 nods, giving him a thumbs up. “Okay!”

“On three,” Megumi says.

“Okay!”

“Three.”

“Two,” 310 continues, positioning his arm.

“One,” Megumi does the same.

They both throw their marbles. Megumi’s heart leaps out of its chest as he watches his marble in the air.

Clack!

Clack!

Clack!

Megumi looks down on the marble that lands right next to his shoe.

It’s red.

“Ahh, shoot, I threw it too hard,” 310 says with a pout.

Megumi sees red.

He shoves 310 against the wall. “Are you fucking with me?”

“Whoa! No, you won f-fair and square, man,” 310 stutters. “I did my best shot, like you said!”

“Any idiot would know that shit would bounce right back if you threw it like that!”

310 laughs, “I must be some one of a kind idiot, then.”

Megumi shoves him further into the wall. “I’m gonna fucking kill you.”

“You can’t kill me if I’m gonna be dead anyways.”

“THEN I’LL KILL YOU IF YOU DIE.”

“See, that doesn’t really make sense—”

“Shut the fuck up! Why did you do that?!”

310 slumps against the wall, body lax. Not looking at him.

“Answer me!”

“You… you have a lot more to live for than me,” 310 says quietly. He looks up at Megumi, tears in his eyes, “what kind of asshole would I be to deny you for a life?”

“You have a life!” Megumi snaps.

“I don’t, not anymore,” 310 sobs, a wobbly smile on his face. “Before my grandfather died, he told me that I should help others. That when it was my time to go, I would die surrounded by others and not end up like him.

“I should use my strength to help others, that’s what I’ve been doing here. Out there, no one wants me to help them. No one wants the face of a killer to help them. No one wants me to be around them. I can’t go to places, I’ve… I’ve always hated what Sukuna did to me. Made me carry his sins, his crimes. The way people looked at me as if I was him. I can’t move forward, not like you.

“I… I never went to school either, y’know. Or I never graduated. When Sukuna became a wanted man, I became a target. I stayed in my room. The doors were locked. The curtains were always down. It was like this for years. I received no support. The only way I could get by was doing interviews with journalists, feeding the narrative. Making people hate Sukuna more, making them hate me more. That’s no way to live.”

Megumi felt the back of his eyes burn, his teeth aching from being clenched too tight.

“Even if...I had the money. I can’t erase what my brother did. I can’t erase my existence in the world. I would just keep doing the same thing everyday. I don’t… I don’t want a bigger house, not when it’s just me who lives there.”

“You and I are not so different,” he says, looking up at Megumi.. “I think that’s why… I want you to win. You get to experience all these normal things, and feel… happy. You have a chance.”

Megumi wipes his eyes harshly, “Shit.”

“That’s true.”

“... What’s your name?” Megumi asks.

“Itadori Yuji,” 310—no, Yuji says. “My name is Itadori Yuji.”

Megumi takes a shaky breath, he raises his hand for him. “Fushiguro Megumi.”

Yuji grins, he clasps his hand onto Megumi’s. “That means blessing, right?”

“I don’t fucking know.”

“I’m glad then, Megumi. That I’m friends with you even through this hell. That itself is a blessing in a disguise.”

“Shut up,” Megumi punches his shoulder.

A guard suddenly arrives, carrying a gun in his hand. Waiting.

Yuji looks behind Megumi’s head. “Ah, I wish we had more time.”

Megumi bites his lip. “I wish I’d… met you sooner. I don't know anything about you.”

Yuji jaw drops, “Okay, I’ll … summarize this in ten seconds! I’m twenty-years-old, my favorite color is green, my favorite manga is Bleach, my type is tall people with big butts! Uhh, I really like watching action films—”

“Not … whatever, nevermind,” Megumi says softly as he listens to Yuji ramble on about himself.

Yuji pauses from his ramble looking winded, “uhm, Fushiguro, can I hug you?”

Megumi freezes.

“I just haven’t had a hug in a long time—” Yuji trails off before he gets cut off with Fushiguro hugging him desperately, clinging to him.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot!”

“...Hey, Fushiguro Megumi, live a long life, okay?”

Megumi lets go.

He turns around.

Eyes burning as he stares unblinking down the path. Footsteps. Silence. Breathing. He feels something salty on his lips when he licks them. It's not sweat.

He... he got attached. He stares forward, he doesn't regret it. Not at all. He got to know Yuji Itadori, the real him, and the pain in his heart is the best he can give back. A reminder that he was more than what people saw him. Yuji Itadori didn't deserve what the world gave him, they did not deserve his cries. The fact that... no one would shed a tear for him.

...Ah.

Megumi notices the dark wet spots on the dirt.

“Thanks for playing with me.”

[thewillowbends]

So I'm rewatching the first season and reading the book, and I've got Thoughts (TM)

And I've got a LOT of thoughts about what exactly Leigh Bardugo was doing here in terms of the moral and ethical statements of the narrative, so I'm putting it under the cut.

Something that's really glaring on the rewatch is just...the complete lack of compassion every character outside Aleksander has for the plight of the Grisha. The army treats treats them with reciprocal dislike, despite the fact that they couldn't even cross the Fold with the Inferni or Squallers. The tsar and tsarita treat them with condescension and disdain, clearly valuing them mainly as a utility that, historically, they've happily turned on when they felt they were growing too powerful. Baghra has just given up on trying to protect other Grisha who aren't immortal like her or Aleksander. Even Alina is guilty of othering them and has to be told off by multiple characters (Ivan, Aleksander, Baghra) to stop treating her power like a yoke instead of a responsibility and opportunity to help others.

We get this big, bad, armor-piercing line from her to Aleksander about how he doesn't care who suffers as long as he wins. Which is true to some extent, but...where is her compassion? Didn't we just spend a hefty portion of the narrative wanting to give her power away to somebody else so she can, what, be with her bestie? Meanwhile, there's, you know, an actual war going on. This isn't small stakes shit she sees going on around her. People are dying. We literally have an entire plot where we see a Grisha kidnapped, enslaved, and then sent to be put to death...who was given to the enemy by her own people!

And then we get that line from her in 1x07, only to have it followed up by her running away at the end of 1x08 for....why? Most people on the ship are dead or those that survived weren't his supporters. The people on the docks were killed, and most of them actually were traitors trying to kill Alina. Aleksander didn't lie about that. So she's running away to take the blame for some nebulous reason that's not really well explained, which is...well, what the fuck happens to the rest of the Grisha? Do we not care about how Aleksander's actions are going to reflect back on them and cause a potential backlash or something? Not to mention, nobody is on the other side to warn them that Aleksander is a threat to begin with. Even if you assumed he was dead, you'd definitely want to assume he likely had supporters back at the palace, too!

From a character writing perspective, I find it stupid that Aleksander doesn't tell her certain things because if he's such a big, bad, clever manipulator, he would absolutely be weaponizing his own pain and experiences to make her stumble in empathy. That's bad character writing to me when you're telling me somebody's an abusive villain but actually isn't using very real and effective abuser tactics. But then you also have Alina who refuses to even point out...Aleksander, I get it! I've talked to other Grisha! I see what you're going through! But this can't be the answer. You have to see this won't end well for you! Like, her own arguments make no sense to me. They're so myopic and self-involved.

One of the big things that bothers me that gets folded into Aleksander's other manipulations is this idea that he primarily associates and values her for her power, in contrast to Mal who primarily sees her for being herself. While I get the intent of that on a narrative level, in the scope of the wider story...it just literally makes no sense for Aleksander to parse those two as separate. Not when the whole reason Grisha are hunted down and killed is because they don't get the privilege of being people outside of their power. Aleksander doesn't get to be General Kirigan without also being the Darkling. Therefore, Alina doesn't get to be Sankta Alina without also being the Sun Summoner. Not a single other character gets to be relevant without being powerful.

Even on a narrative level, it makes no sense. One, it's frankly kind of sexist (when are male protagonists ever expected to be segregated from their power) and two...that's the whole reason we're telling her story! That's why she's the protagonist! She is special. She can't be separated from this unique power destiny has handed her. We don't tell stories about common, boring people; we tell stories about people who incite conflict or change. So even the mere concept to me of basing a character's identity or value around not wanting value is frankly kind of ridiculous.

There's just this strangely insidious underpinning to the story that power is inherently dangerous, even as it acknowledges that people who are NOT in power can very much suffer at the hands of those who do. So where's the moral and ethical reflection about what this means for the rest of us? What does that mean for minorities?

Think of the scene on the boat where Aleksander has Ivan kill off the nobility. The narrative wants you to see this moment as blackly humorous and awful, but stop for a moment and think about what happened there from his perspective. This is a man who spent centuries watching his people get killed and enslaved, and that isn't a false representation or manipulation from him, either. His statement is backed up both by what we see in the flashbacks and by other Grisha. Nobody created a safe haven for him and his people - he did that! He had to claw his way to the top, flatter, kill, and fuck his way through god knows how many noble houses, just to get to this moment where he could build a Little Palace. And it took him four hundred years just to get that! All while Grisha are dying!

And nobody did anything about it. Not the king, not the landholders, not even the peasantry. They were happy taking advantage of the Grisha's powers, of course, when Aleksander helped raise them up into a position of prominence, making them soldiers and enchanters. And even then, they're mocked! The army can't wait to get rid of them!

And then some noblewoman, who has enjoyed the benefits of her wealth and power, some of which were built on the backs of your people, sits there and tells you, the moment you take hold of the power everybody else has been grabbing for centuries, has the audacity to sit there and tell you that the world will hate Grisha and view him as a heretic?? When less than twenty years ago, your people were being killed right and left? When the enemy is still kidnapping and enslaving your people? When your own countrymen view you with fear and intrigue already? The audacity to sit there and frame it as a hypothetical when it's very much an actual reality still going on. Just look at the barely hidden seething rage and contempt on Barnes face when he delivers that quip about "needing to do that speech again." Motherfucker has been waiting YEARS for this moment, this revenge. And really, who can blame him...if you aren't wrapped up in the narrative wanting you to focus on just what he's doing to poor Alina.

The way the Grisha's situation is framed along with how the Darkling's descent into villainy is handled is so just incongruent to me. The pieces don't fit. You're asking me to see this man as completely irredeemable after you just showed me six episodes of Grisha being killed both for being what they are in the hopes of protecting Alina, after you showed me that Aleksander had already TRIED appealing to the protection of the crown by lending it his power, after making us see that lies and manipulation are the only way he and his mother have been able to survive as long as they have in a world that eradicated them. Where is the compassion in the narrative for that?

And okay, fine, you can do an irredeemable villain. You can do a Kilmonger-esque story with the Darkling, but that requires forcing your protagonists to empathize with the villain and change from it. But then I read ahead and...that doesn't happen?? She winds up walking away from it all at the end?? In fact, she even loses her power. And that's supposed to be a HAPPY ending? After we just saw how badly this minority was treated for how many centuries??

You know what it feels like? It feels like Leigh Bardugo read The Hunger Games, tried to replicate a Katniss, and then completely failed to understand the profound situational differences between her protagonist and that one. Katniss is a girl made extraordinary by her circumstances. She's not special herself other than the fact that she did the right thing at the right place at the right time and helped create the tipping point for a revolution that was already in the works before her. Katniss walking away from the world after makes sense because she's burned out after the war, but it also got its use from her. She helped make the revolution work; she showed up for the event while it was happening and did what she could. The situation was out of her control and power for the most part, and she still managed to rise the occasion.

Alina is NOT Katniss. She is inherently special. She is inherently powerful. She has the ability to create change and bring a new perspective that Aleksander has long given up on and which her country desperately needs. We know the world of the Hunger Games will be better because the creators of real change were always working behind the scenes behind Katniss. She was just their propaganda, their symbol. Alina is a symbol, but she is also a very real power. It's not an act of moral celebration for her to walk away from power at the end, namely because there's a whole minority class of people we still have to worry about. Putting a Grisha on the throne is no promise the country won't turn against them eventually, nor does that protect the hundreds of Grisha at the mercy of a superstitious peasantry and countries that will likely continue to invade them.

It's just...I dunno guys. It's frustrating because all the compelling elements are there in the characters and storyline, but it's like the author had a set of characters telling one story and then she had an entirely different plot in mind, and they just clash all over the place for me and become thematically inconsistent. But what really gets me is that she had seven years to think this shit over...and we're looking to get the same story all over again. Usually, it's a great thing to have an author involved in the show. This is a rare situation where I wonder if it hurts the chances of it improving.

[c-atm]

Connie Maheswaran sighed...She knew this was a bad idea, but no one else was around, and the best friend/ bane of her existence/ big crush/ betrothed had an eye for these things, so his expertise was appreciated.

"So." Steven Universe, gem hybrid, alien prince, sweetheart, and hero to many, started with a grin. Placing his hand on the curve of her back." How skimpy of a bikini are we getting, huh?

She growled dangerously as she felt his hand crept lower." Stop it, you pervert."

Steven just smirked as he lifted his hand back up. That lecherous fox smirk that he only showed her.

"I promise that my intentions are as 'pure' as the lily-white of your clothes." 

Connie arched an eyebrow looking at her yellow polo, black denim shorts, and orange kicks. "What white are you talking about?" She implored.

The alien royalty squeezed the college sophomore bottom. "The thin warm cloth underneath." He whispered into her ear, making her fume with annoyance, bashfulness, and made just a wee bit of an exciting impression… Despite her pouting with puffed blush crossed cheeks and steady brows.

"How the hell do you know?" She questioned, grabbing his wrist and clenched tightly, making the 'big gem on campus' fall to his knees in slight pain.

"Ow, ow, ow! I promise I didn't peek at you while you were getting dressed today."

"But you did peek at me." She arched an eyebrow.

"On accident." He pleaded, " We both know I would never peep on you."

"Now, Steven..."

"Not without an escape route."

Connie took a moment to consider it, but in the end, she decided he was right.

Steven always had a damn way to run away. Not like when they were teens, and she would easily catch and punish him for his transgressions against all womankind. However, they were more innocent, like giving her (not-so unwanted) pecks on her cheek or complimenting her physical growth.

It was the reason her betrothed became her bane before becoming her friend and crush.

Though his actions couldn't be helped, it was ingrained in him. The gem race was very liberated when it came to physical appeal, appreciation, and affection and saw all forms as beautiful. From the first (of what would become semi-normal) time she visited his home planet, it quickly became apparent to her that kissing, touching, and 'raunchy' commentary was commonplace among Homeworld. A lot of sensual and carnal PDA was everyday stuff for gem kind. 

All except fornication in all its forms. 

That was considered divine as gem fusion but way less lax—the ultimate show of reverence for one's unique being. Even stories of one’s actual sexploits were to be kept between partners, no matter how many there were; neither monogamy nor polygamy took precedence on Homeworld.

She let his wrist go with an unamused hum, opting to hold his hand to keep it from wandering.

”Let’s go, my perv.” Connie sighed as she led him further into the store, towards the dressing rooms. She was nearly closing the door behind her as she entered, turning and facing him, hiding with the plywood entrance. "So, against my better judgment, I'm gonna go into the dressing room and wait for you to bring me back some swimwear," Connie informed, blushing. "I need you to take this seriously, ok? No games at all." She muttered.

Steven gasped, placing three fingers on his chest as if he was an offended southern Bellé. "Why madam, I do declare that I will be at my most critical. After all…" He caressed her cheek with a smirk on his face, "the chance to decorate you in my taste doesn't come along often." He grinned as he interlaced his fingers together. "I can see you now in...Hehehe! Oh yes..."

Looking at his bottom lip gnawing, nearly crossed eye blushing expression of perverse elation, Connie almost regrets asking for his advice and help but, there is a reason for that. "Can you not imagine whatever you are imagining and help me?"

He looked up at her pouting profile and smirked lovingly before kissing her forehead. "You're more tempting than anything I can imagine." 

She took a deep breath, rubbing the back of her left calf with her right foot, and idiosyncratic behavior towards surprising affection and praise.

"⁵Just...Stay away from the skimpy swimsuit from earlier."  She warned, burned cheeked as she closed the door behind her, "Himbo hubby."  rubbing her forehead, where the warm sensation of his lips lingered, she grinned. The feeling of pride In her chest.

"Ok... Let's get to business."

Three minutes later, Connie was stripped of her clothing and her pride as she looked at her reflection. Bare to her body and her insecurities. She didn't feel Charming? Girlish? Soft? Cute?

She was never called cute or adorable. No... Words that described her was strong, tall, mature, robust, and built, which was right.

She was six ft by the time she was 16 (she's 6'6 now), always been athletic; being an army brat on an army base until she was 12, strenuous exercise was more than just a habit; it was a lifestyle. Combined with tennis and martial arts, it was easy to understand why her body was built and cut as it was. She had 'mercenaries muscles.' A body made for battle, yet she was 'blessed' with the curvy hips and noticeable bust of her mother's bloodline.

The thing is, she didn't hate her body. She just wasn't privy to the attention she got from it. Most guys were intimidated.

Most girls…' intrigued' to say the least, and then there were some who 'swore' she was 'transitional.' People she affectionately referred to as transphobic bastards.

One cause she was born, lives and will die biologically and mentally as a woman, no matter how 'masculine' she supposedly acts; and more importantly, being trans isn't wrong.

"The scars don't really help either." She mused as she scanned her nude form little scars from her active lifestyle on her stomach.

"I think they give you character, Berry." Steven voiced from behind the door, surprising her enough for her to jump.

"The hell?! How did you get done so fast?!" She nearly shrieked as she turned to the door...Which now had a few swimsuits hang on the knob, " Steven...Did you peek at me?" 

She was greeted by silence.

"Accidentally," 

She gave a slightly exaggerated sigh at his guilty tone to hide the smile on her face. "Really? You don't wanna see me in the buff?"

She could already see the thousand-watt smile on his face.

"Wait, are you saying I can?"

She had to bite her tongue from laughing at his eagerness, "No, sit and wait." She scoffed out a chuckle when she heard him moan, downtrodden. Taking a look at the group of bathing suits in the knob, she went to see which one she definitely will not wear.

----------------

Steven sat in the pink chair in front of the dressing rooms, legs and arms crossed as he waited for his beauty of a betrothed model for him. He knew she wasn't crazy about her appearance, but he couldn't get enough of it.

The fact Connie tower's him by a whole nine inches. Her 'jacked,' pear-shaped body with its hypnotic curves, especially around her bust, hips, thighs, and butt. Blazing deep-set onyx eyes with thick brows, thin cupid bow lips, her slightly narrowed and flat nose, and loose raven hair in a half-braided ponytail that reached her broad shoulders. An amazing amazon made real. 

Of course, her physique was only part of why he was smitten to what humans would call near 'perverse' moments, strange since earthling takes sex for granted, to the point of making multiple websites about it for profit. 

Planetary cultural differences aside, Connie's physicality was just a complementary mirror to her character. Strong, bold, unique, and mesmerizing. No wonder why Connie steals every room she walks in when she wants to or not. He couldn't help but snicker tenderly at the thought of her before tenderness gave a slight way to hunger at the thought of her in a swimsuit.

"Steven...Can you come here?" 

The hybrid looked with a bit of concern and curiosity at the brown hand waving and shy voice coming from the dressing room.

"Hmm?" He stood and walked to took the gold sprayed knob of the plywood in his hand.

"With your eyes close!"

That made his eyes widen, but he followed her request, closing his pink eyes before entering and closing the door behind him. "You ok, Ni'?"

"I...I need you to promise to be honest with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Just promise. ok?"

"Hmm...I'm opening my eyes."

"Wait. I'm not.."

"...HMM..."

Connie looked towards him in shy withdrawal, holding her left arm, and biting her lip adorned in a blue bikini. The top looked like a cage neck crop top that clipped in the back, and the bottoms were high-waisted with an extra band that crossed around her navel. It was sexy, to say the least, accentuating off all her curves and prominent muscle, flattering her breast, thighs, hips, and butt, without showing too much; it was made for her.

"Well?" She asked, looking at his stare but getting no answer, feeling her cheeks heat in marooned embarrassment. "Is it that bad?"

"Adorable."

Connie's eyes widened, "A-Adorable?" She pursued her lips, looking down at herself. She wasn't used to being called that. 

"Yeah... I mean, yeah, it looks sexy..but it really brings out your softer, sensual charms."

"I...I.." her nose flared as she fought the bubbling feeling in her chest. " You're... You’re not just saying that, right?" She rubbed her left calf with her right ankle.

"I wouldn't lie about this." Steven raised his right hand in a promise.

She crossed her arms, her mouth in a side pout," So...I'm cute in this, then?"

"Are you fishing for compliments?" Steven teased, getting a raised brow look of astonishment from his betrothed

" I..No!" She crossed her arms below her chest, looking away, pouting with puffed blush crossed cheeks and steady brows.  

 Before turning towards the hybrid, just as she was about to attempt to make her point, she was caught off guard by his hand gently but securely grabbing her chin and leading her to move her face up close to his, their nose tips gingerly touching.

It wasn't the first time he did this, and it always made her feel a bit meek. Never unpleasantly, though.

"You're always cute."

The feel of his warm lips sandwiching her top lip with popping clips was new.

New but welcomed. 

[indigobackfire]

HPHM OC Profile ✧

Achilles Shepherd

" He's been like a ghost hovering the Slytherin common room for the past five years and now he's marching the school like he bloody owns it. "

Full Name: Achilles Tremont Shepherd

Nicknames: Archie, Chill, Lee.

Gender: Male.

Birthday: 12th of December, 1972.

Born: Manchester, England.

Parents: Finch Shepherd - English, Ravenclaw, Muggleborn; Sunny Tremont Shepherd - English, Hufflepuff, Muggleborn.

Siblings: None, one of this guy is worth three.

Ethnicity: English (with possible Scandinavian and Jewish roots).

Blood status: Halfblood.

MBTI: ISFJ-A

Hogwarts House: Slytherin.

Appearance

Eyes: Deep dark brown, often appears black, long eyelashes turned downwards, often dark circles from sleepless nights.

Hair: Black and thick, he grew it throughout his years in Hogwarts and keeps on growing it.

Height: He's tall for boys his age, at 1,86m (6'1"ft), he has a burst of growth in his fourth year.

• He was always a very slim child since he grew up with scarce resources, but even after he began his years in Hogwarts, he didn't develop much of an appetite. His hunger only begins in his late 14s when puberty hits. It's in the summer between 5th and 6th year that he builds up and gets strong - not big specifically, but well defined.

• He's very careful and methodical about his hygiene and appearance, the reason why his hair looks so healthy and his nails are always cut and clean. He had some acne after his appetite came back so Cure for Boils potion was always at hand.

• He's pretty hairy and considering how pale he is and how dark his hair is, it's very visible. But for his disappointment, his chest hair is pretty scarce and not as masculine as he wishes it looked.

Magical Aspects

Wand: Fir wood with dragon heartstring core, 12", stiff flexibility.

Patronus: Arctic Fox. A small fox native to the Arctic regions of the Northern Hemisphere and common throughout the Arctic tundra biome. It is well adapted to living in cold environments, and is best known for its thick, warm fur that is also used as camouflage. It has a large and very fluffy tail. In the wild, most individuals do not live past their first year but some exceptional ones survive up to 11 years. The Arctic fox lives in some of the most frigid extremes on the planet, but they do not start to shiver until the temperature drops to −70 °C (−94 °F).

Often called ‘the survivor’s wand’, often owned by wizards who subsequently passed through mortal peril unscathed. There is no doubt that this wood, coming as it does from the most resilient of trees, produces wands that demand staying power and strength of purpose in their true owners, and that they are poor tools in the hands of the changeable and indecisive. Particularly suited to Transfiguration, and favor owners of focused, strong-minded and, occasionally, intimidating demeanor.

Abilities: He's very skilled in legilimency despite not being born one, working his way around occlumency since he's always wearing his feelings on his sleeve. And he doesn't have the power of sight, but is quite good at dream interpretation, tessomancy (reading tea leaves), and palmistry.

Boggart:

The night his parents were killed which he doesn't remember much but flashes of light, screams, a little blood, and the cold body of his mother.

When his mind moves beyond their death, yet never completed over it, it's Indigo's death he fears the most.

He's not very good at Ridikulus them and a professor always has to step in.

Amortentia: Dried apricots, currant juice, the general smell of the woods - since he grew up near one - especially fragrant trees, coconut shampoo - from Indigo's hair -, and broomstick finishing polish.

Miscellaneous

Pets: An elegant Barn owl, Lucrecia.

Things he always carries with him: His wand, gold ol' muggle chewing gum, a thermo mug with tea - most time black, blueberry or grey -, a little journal, and an old photograph of his parents when they were in Hogwarts.

Lucky Amulets: His parents wedding rings which he wears on a necklace at all times, a Remembrall that used to belong to his mother, and a tie Indigo burned by dipping into a potion by mistake - he said he'd throw away for her, keeping it to himself instead.

Best Friends

Achilles is very much like Talbott in the friendship aspect. But not only his own personality goes into play, as he's not a very appealing looking for the beginning of his Hogwarts years and is not a pureblood in a house full of Death Eaters children - he sometimes lies saying he's a muggleborn just to spite people.

Being orphaned pretty young, he grew up in an wirzading orphanage alongside Orion. They used to share rooms and be friends in there, though Achilles was always quieter and angrier than Orion. Orion naturally left first for Hogwarts and Achilles, still imature, felt abandoned by him, so when they meet up again in school Achilles gives him the cold shoulder for many years up until he joins Slytherin's Quidditch team.

Orion is still someone he cherishes and envies for his light aura and ease with which he forgives.

He befriends a Slytherin boy named Matthew Goldpayne in his second year, but for both is more a matter of convenience than anything, to be left alone and have a partner in school work.

In his later years he sort of befriends Ismelda but for the most part is one sided since she's always suspicious of him. They get into better terms after their first season together in Quidditch.

His first few years in Hogwarts are not very magical.

Academics

Favorite Classes:

Flying

DADA

Divination

Potions

Least Favorite:

Charms

Herbology

Favorite Professor: Madam Hooch and Rakepick. Women of confidence and attitude, also teachers of his favorite classes.

Least Favorite: Quirinus Quirrell. Takes one to know one...

Quidditch: It takes him a long time until he gains interest in the game, he doesn't like crowds so he rarely attends the games nor doesn't know the game. But when Slytherin's seeker leaves the team, Madam Hooch, having seen his flying abilities, recommends him for the team. He doesn't actually want to join it at first, but after interacting with the team, decides to hop in. He becomes so passionate, he sometimes wonders if she shouldn't follow a Quidditch career. He would be the school's best seeker if it wasn't for Charlie.

Favorite Team: He enjoys playing more than watching.

Another Slytherin OC, I'm dissapointed in me but he came into my head unannounced, breaking things and calling me names, and boom, Achilles was born. He gonna bring some spice to my HC, you don't understand.

[spellscarred]

GOOD MENTAL HEALTH GAMES

So here’s a list of games that help me get through bad days, whether it’s just being out of spoons, or being triggered, or just needing to not think for a hot second, it doesn’t matter. I’ll make sure to tell you why they might appeal, because not every game will work for every mood/situation.

STARDEW VALLEY [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 / SWITCH / IOS / ANDROID ] — of course, this is the ultimate good mental health game. It’s very relaxing, it’s involved enough that you can focus on it without having to do anything intensive. You can play at your own pace, and you can even play with a friend, if you need that extra support.

GRAVEYARD KEEPER [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 / SWITCH / IOS / ANDROID ] — this game is here for the same reason as stardew valley, but with an entirely different vibe. You play a man from our time who’s mysteriously transported to medieval times, who has to run a graveyard to find his way back. If Stardew Valley is too soft and cutesy for you, you’ll like Graveyard Keeper’s more morbid twist on it. Steeped in dark humour.

NO MAN’S SKY [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 ] — surely everyone’s heard of this game from its disastrous launch back in 2016. Since then, Hello Games has worked tirelessly to bring existing and new players free updates and turn it into the game that they’d promised from the start. I’d say they’ve delivered. This game is vast, with plenty to do, plenty to see; you can get lost exploring planet after planet, learning more about the other civilisations that inhabit the galaxies (yes, plural), trading, hunting pirates, raiding freighters, owning freighters, base building, playing with friends... This game can initially be very overwhelming, but the key to this game is to just focus on one thing at a time.

ASTRONEER [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 ] — if No Man’s Sky is too vast for you, then you might want to try your hand at Astroneer. It’s a lot more contained, much more stylised, and since there’s less content, it’s a lot harder to lose yourself in how much there is to actually do and thus get overwhelmed. Just a fun, lowkey planetary exploration game with cartoon-y graphics. Also with co-op options.

CITIES: SKYLINES [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 / SWITCH ] — if you’re looking for something to just relax with but still get the sense you’re doing something productive, then you might want to try your hand at Cities: Skylines. The goal is to make a functional city, down to managing the flow of traffic and meeting the zoning demands of your citizens, et cetera. It’s easy to pour a few hours into this once you get the hang of it. Of course, you can also go the Sims route and just give yourself infinite money to design a city to your wishes.

JURASSIC WORLD EVOLUTION [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 ] — so this is like the old Zoo Tycoon, if the animals were large long-extinct creatures that have a habit of breaking out of their habitats if sufficiently agitated. There’s two ways you can play the game; you can follow the story line, which slowly seeks to reclaim the islands lost in the Jurassic Park trilogy, right down to wrangling the now wild dinosaurs roaming the islands and turning the GenSec bases into functional parks. Or, once you get a 4 star rating on Isla Matanceros, you go sandbox mode on Isla Nublar, which provides you with ample space and neigh unlimited money to go wild on.

BORDERLANDS 2 [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 / IOS / ANDROID ] — if you’re more into shoot and loot, you’ll find Borderlands 2 (and the Borderlands franchise in and of itself) quite satisfying. I recommend BL2 especially because while it’s dated, its graphics and gameplay still holds up, it’s on older gen consoles as well, and its price tag is a lot less costly than immediately going for Borderlands 3. The game’s funny, it doesn’t really require you to think a lot, and it’s just great fun shooting AI in the face and blowing things up. Even if you’re self-reportedly ‘bad at FPS’, there’s no expectations where Borderlands 2 is concerned. Just sorta aim and shoot, no doubt something will die and give you a shiny prize for it. Endorphines galore.

SPORE [ PC ] — disclaimer, Spore is great up to a certain point, and after that it becomes absolute garbage. Most people agree that the microbial and creature stages of Spore are absolutely fantastic and there’s some whacky fun to be had creating ridiculous-looking creatures and getting them to survive in the direction you’ve decided to take them. Generally, after the Creature Stage comes the Civilisation Stage, which is about the time I restart the game, which is a pity. The longest stage, which is the Space Stage, is arguably also the worst stage. But it’s cheap, and the first two stages are really just that iconic.

TWO POINT HOSPITAL [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 / SWITCH ] — if you’re like me and you’ve been playing video games on PC for 25 years, surely you’ll remember a little game called Theme Hospital. The weirdest, most ridiculous hospital simulation game ever created. This is that, but from 2018, opposed to 1997. I’ve spent hours upon hours in Theme Hospital trying to save patients, make my layouts make sense, and keep people from littering everywhere, you heathens! In later levels, it can get pretty stressful, but particularly earlier levels, it’s just good ol’ fun.

THE SIMS 4 [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 ] — speaking of the Sims, the franchise is obviously the most well-known ‘I know I’m in a depression hole because I played for the past 21 hours and I haven’t eaten yet and I probably won’t shower for the next 5 days’ game. Granted, I list the Sims 4, but any iteration of the Sims works for this purpose. Just motherlode and go, my friends. Cure the emptiness by creating a house you’ll never be able to afford. (Personally I use it to create my characters from toddler and making them meet and kiss their SOs, but you know.)

PLANET ZOO [ PC ] — I likened Jurassic World Evolution to Zoo Tycoon but with dinosaurs. Planet Zoo is Zoo Tycoon on steroids. That’s it. Planet Zoo is incredibly robust and in-depth, but the idea is simple: manage a zoo, help animals get off the endangered species list, and release them into the wild where you can while keeping visitors happy and keeping your park clean (why are visitors in sim games always such terrible raccoons)! Go creative mode and just create a zoo to your own wishes with no constraints and you’ll have a great mental health game.

PLANET COASTER [ PC / XBOX1 / PS4 ] — if Planet Zoo is Zoo Tycoon on steroids, then Planet Coaster is Rollercoaster Tycoon on steroids (which, in turn, was a more robust version of 1994′s Theme Park, from the same devs as Theme Hospital mentioned above). Like with Planet Zoo, you make a theme park, create rides that kill people and desperately try to hold back the tide of litter that’ll inevitably happen. But really, just go creative mode and make rollercoasters with so much G-force that it’ll kill everyone that rides them.

RAFT [ PC ] — a co-op game set in an Earth enveloped by oceans, you’re essentially a scout on a raft and that raft will become your home as you build onto it. You go from island to island to collect materials, seeds for food and trees, and discover the lore of the world. Your only enemy is hunger, thirst, and the ever-present shark that really only wants to hug you with its teeth. It’s a friend. Promise.

So do you have any games that you think should be on this list? Games that help you get through days where it’s just really hard to be a person? Feel free to add onto this post. Just make sure you let people know the name, the platforms its available on, the general gist of the game, and why it helps you through tough days.

Enjoy your good mental health days and good luck on your bad mental health days, everyone. 💛

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #381

“don’t try to be the one person who has stayed just to say they never left me”

Do you feel bored with your life? Always. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? I sometimes miss Colleen, but I know it's for the better that we no longer associate with each other. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I don't know, but a fuck of a lot. Thanks, Abilify. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? Memories with Jason. What do you miss the most about college? Socializing. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? A triple date to an arcade w/ Jason and friends. What’s the last great song you discovered? The most recent one? I don't know, really. Do you feel free to post how you feel on Facebook? Yeah. Don't like what I post, delete me. Have you ever done cocaine? Yikes, no thanks. Do you think you’ll ever get married? Do you want to? I sometimes wonder if I ever will. I'm scared of just continuing to be an unemployed leech that is doing nothing significant with her life, in which case it's like, why even be with me romantically. I feel like such a dead end street. I want to get married someday. Who do you care about the most? When it comes down to it, probably my mom. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Would you ever get gauged ears? I want small gauges, actually. When it comes to clothing, are you the conservative type? Yes, because I hate my body and don't want others to see it. Do you enjoy eating? I wish I didn't. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you go out of your way to impress the opposite gender? No. Do you enjoy history? Not really, no. It bores me. Are you a pajama person or do you stay dressed all day? I'm just about always in my pjs. Do you value looks or personality more? Personality is way more important. Have you ever changed religions? Yeah. Born Roman Catholic, converted to Christianity when I further understood the differences, then I went to how I am now: I believe in something(s), but I don't quite know what. I wouldn't call myself a Neo-Pagan, but it's what I relate most to. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? I would for like, my wedding. Foo fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: I'm actually not a big fan of either. Are you a fan of the SAW movies? I don't really watch them. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? My two immediate sisters, I'm sometimes a year off. All my others, yes. :x Mountain Dew or Sprite? Mountain Dew, of course. I really don't like Sprite now, which is ironic because as a kid, it was my favorite soda. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. Have you ever worked as a cashier? That was one of my duties when I worked at a dollar store. If you are on birth control that allows you take pills and skip your period, how often do you opt to skip it? How come? My birth control doesn't allow me to skip, but rather, it regulates it. Is there a book series where you loved the first book, but for some reason the other books in the series just didn’t measure up? I can't say that, no, as most series I just kinda fell out of, like The Hunger Games. LOVED the first book, started the second, and even though I was enjoying it, I just stopped for some reason? Are there any stores/restaurants that you would like to shop/eat at, but there aren’t any located near enough to you? Haha yeah, like lots of west coast fast food places like Jack n' the Box or however it's formatted. If you were told by a professional that you were unable to become pregnant, how would that affect you? Is there something important to you about conceiving a biological child rather than adoption? And finally, if you even want to have children, would you choose adoption or surrogacy or would you go on childless? I don't even want kids, so honestly, I'd be stoked if I learned I was infertile. Wouldn't need to worry about the chance of getting pregnant and facing an abortion dilemma. Is there something that you did not used to take seriously, that you either now take seriously or wish that you had in the past (e.g., a relationship that you miss, your education, etc.)? Hm. I don't know. Are there any subjects that you are interested in so much that you would read whole books or academic journals about them? Meerkats, especially. I will read EVERY scientific article about them I find. Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I'm a hugger. When you were in middle school and high school, did you witness a lot of bullying? How did the teachers react to name-calling or violence? Not really, thankfully. Are any of your friends/relatives actually impressive artists or writers? Are you willing to share an example of their work? Yeah. I have a cousin who's really good at drawing, and my sister is a wonderful cake decorator. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your gf/bf? My hypothetical bf/gf, no. Would you ever donate blood? I have before, and I would again if I knew I was hydrated enough and the opportunity was right there. Would you rather drink coffee or tea? Ugh, neither. Do you get easily embarrassed? YES. How long was your longest make out? TMI alert, like all night. If the person who hurt you most said they’re sorry would you believe them? I honestly don't know. Do you have sensitive skin? Very. What color is your mum's car? White. Do you live in an apartment? No. Do you have a pet fish? Nope. Are you happy with your eye color? I wish they were a more sapphire blue. Solid soap bar or liquid body wash? Absolutely liquid body wash. What color do you want your dream car to be? Baby pink. *-* Do you have more then one favorite band? I say I do, but at the same time I know Ozzy Osbourne will ALWAYS be #1. Do you prefer being single or in a relationship? In a relationship. But it's absolutely not something I'm about to force just for the sake of being in one. Would you be really upset if Facebook ceased to exist tomorrow? Nah. Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both. Do you know anyone that's pescatarian? No. Someone I watch on YouTube is, though. Are you shy or over confident around your crushes? Super shy. Do you think the govt. has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? Hell, I think it's very well possible, but I lean more towards for financial hoarding, they simply don't further pursue potential cures that are discovered. I mean, just THINK about all the "future cures" you've read or heard about. It's fucking outrageous. It's all to fuel the medical industry. Okay, tin hat coming off. Last time you drank a diet soda? A very long time ago, because diet soda gives me a massive headache. Was your ex born in America? Only one wasn't. Name your favorite type of music and why. Metal. I for one just like the sound, and I find it very therapeutic when I'm especially mad or sad. Even when I'm in a good mood, I just enjoy it. I also feel that a lot of metal songs tell interesting stories and/or have very poetic lyrics. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I haven't, but I've considered it. Can you breakdance? Definitely not. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? Yes. We were assigned this one war novel in middle school that was FUCKING AWFUL, like I was checked out the whole time. I don't remember its name or anything. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yes; the Warcraft movie I mentioned in a recent survey. Orcs and their fucking deep-ass voice that I couldn't understand. Do you blowdry your hair? No. Tell me about your dream last night. Omfgggggg y'all. So, there's one invert pet that I've never understood the keeping appeal of, and that's giant centipedes. Their bites are notoriously excruciating, and they are just SO goddamn fast. Well, for some godforsaken reason, I wanted one as a pet. Got one, and it immediately got loose. Guess who wanted to shit herself lmao. Centipedes are very cool, but only from a distance, ya feel? Have you ever stayed in a fancy high-class rich hotel? No. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? I don't think so. Describe the worst fight you’ve ever been in whether physical or verbal. I'm not entirely sure about my *worst*, but I know it was with Mom. We've had a few. Have you heated any food in your microwave today? Yeah, a shrimp alfredo Lean Cuisine bowl. Do you own any items of clothing with cartoon characters on them? Yes. Have you ever played Animal Crossing? No, it doesn't seem like my kinda game. Do you own anything (e.g jewelry, accessories) with your initial on it? Yes, but none of which I personally bought because I don't really like them. Do you own any cats or dogs? What are their names? I have a cat named Roman. <3 Have you added any books to your shelves lately? Which? No. Have you bought any new cosmetics or toiletries lately? Which? No. Do your pets have a specific type of food that they prefer? Roman will eat whatever cat food he's given, while Venus, like your average ball python, is a picky eater. Like when I first got her, she wouldn't eat for almost a year because I just couldn't find a method through which she'd accept food. Now she consistently takes frozen/thawed small rats that have actually sat in warm water (versus doing it by hand under running water), and she generally won't strike it unless it's offered to her by tongs, but not dangling by the tail. Picky, picky miss thang. What's your favourite variety of apple? I'm not very particular about flavor so long as the apple is crisp. I canNOT do soft apples. Which of your physical features do you receive the most compliments about? My hair.

[onelastbreath-writes]

On Bruce And Texting:

Author’s Note: Hello and welcome, this is my first properly written fic, originally posted to my AO3, and now that I have finally created a writing blog, it’s here as well. Please enjoy!!  AO3.  Masterlist

Warnings: Hopefully none, its all cute and fluff <3

Summary: Bruce Wayne texts like he's sending correspondences to the Queen, so of course the little monsters he calls children just have to make fun of him! Brats, the lot of them, but he wouldn't have them any other way.

Features: Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, all the bats and birds, mentions JL, no crime fighting, only family fluff, jokes and nods to Millennial and GenZ shenanigans.

Word Count: 2.7k

---

Billionaire, genius, tech expert, father of many children, and all around up-to-date-with-just-about-everything type of person he may be, it is also a well-known Fact that Bruce Wayne, the Batman(TM) himself, can’t text to save his life.

Whether it’s due to his Very Proper English Upbringing, his inability to be informal via written correspondences of any type, his indifference, or the fact that it bothers his children so much, Bruce Wayne has not and never will text with anything less than perfect grammar, spelling, and formality. If he has not sent you a proper letter (featuring a dedication, indentation for every paragraph, signature, and post-script when applicable), he did, in fact, not send you that text. Informality is not his Batman Way(TM) according to his children... he’s not too sure what that even means, but it makes his young ones laugh so it’s probably fine?  

His oldest children (Richard and Jason) were raised in the time of Change, where computers, internet access, social media, and all things similar were only just being introduced into households en-masse. They were young enough to remember a time without such devices and connectivity (both for very different reasons, of course, but they grew up without the newest technology none-the-less). They could understand his relationship to the digital environment more so than his younger children, but they still tended to poke fun at his ‘texting blunders’ regularly. All his kids somehow ended up as brats. He doesn’t know how this happened. It’s certainly not his fault. He blames the League members, and especially Clark Kent, for their defiant personalities. 

His younger children, whom he loves dearly, like to confuse him as much as they possibly can with their slang, egregious spelling errors, and all-around ‘internet humour’. He doesn’t know what ‘wig’ or ‘worm’ or ‘oof’ or anything means. He has no idea what those dances are, or how they relate to the music that seems to always accompany them, and for the love of all that is good, don’t ask him what he thinks of this or that ‘meme’. What even is a ‘meme’, and should he be more concerned about his kids being obsessed with them? He tries, oh my god, does he try to follow the children’s conversations, but they somehow all learned a language he has no idea how to decrypt. His best response to them once they start speaking in tongues is as follows: smile but not too much, listen to child even though he is deeply confused, and pat child on head or shoulder when they are finished and are looking for assurance.  

He refuses to be a parent who ignores or tunes out his children, so he always makes sure to put down his work, his crossword, his tools, or whatever else is in his hands when a child searches him out for a conversation. But somehow, despite all the time he spends around them and their strange words, when he gets text from them comprised of abbreviations, acronyms, and completely random words, he goes a little cross eyed. He would never tell anyone, but he keeps a running list on his phone about the things they say that he has had to translate in the past. Spilling tea? Speaking the truth, usually to do with gossip. Wow? Multiple possible meanings: either a video game, or someone saying it (different pronunciation depending on context and who sent the text). Stickbug? A nice little prank with no ulterior motives, just for fun. Something along the lines of “this basic bitch Karen at the grocery store who is a dirty rat-licker and is def an anti-vaxxer just took 45 (forty-five) minutes to decide she didn’t actually want that almond milk. I Stan the cashier who had to put up with her. Rad af dude.” roughly translates to “A rude, middle-aged white woman who wasn’t wearing a mask and doesn’t believe in disease control or vaccinating her children wasted a great deal of an essential worker’s time in the checkout line. The cashier was very professional in their dealings with said customer and should be commended on their actions.”  

Given enough time, the internet for searching up new slang words, and occasionally some help from a friend (Alfred, Selina, Lucius, another of his children, etc), Bruce could decode and respond appropriately to most texts. He was quite proud of these achievements, and although he didn’t always like how often his children were on their phones or computers or gaming systems, he was quite proud of how integrated and easily they adapted to the ever-evolving world of electronics. All his kids were gifted in many ways, but their ability to learn, their hunger for knowledge, and their perseverance when exploring new and challenging ideas were always the things that he was most impressed by.  

He could do without their comments though. Yes, surprisingly, he did manage to get girlfriends with his type of texting. No, he doesn’t miss the ‘good old days’ when telegraphs were the main form of long-distance correspondence (how old do these brats think he is?!). And yes, he does know what a “tweet” is, and how to “post” on his social media accounts, and what “sliding into your DMs” is (thanks to a frantic search after a WE employee mentioned it near him). The Wayne children, truly whom and what Bruce considers his pride and joy, are cruel little jerks to him sometimes. His hoard of parenting books fails to mention what one should do when their children gang up on them. Bullying is covered of course, but he can’t really talk to a teacher or his guardian about how his second son calls him an idiot sandwich, or that his third son regularly tries to get him to do something “For The Vine”. His oldest and youngest boys are only slightly better in the bullying him department; Richard and his puppy dog eyes when he wants to do something dangerous or not-Alfred-approved, and Damian and his growing collection of pets because “Mother never let me have them, and I am deprived, and don’t you love me Father?”.  

His only good child is his beautiful daughter Cassandra, the flower of the Wayne clan. She gives him hugs, and pats his hands, and can sit with him and just enjoy the quiet and stillness when his other children are not around. Her language skills are improving by leaps and bounds every day, and her heart and spirit are unparalleled, but her main method of communication is in her movements. Her hands, her posture, her dancing; Bruce couldn’t think of a more graceful, fluid, powerful person if the world depended on it. His amazing little girl doesn't bully him (and if she ever does, he probably deserves it, he trusts her), so he turns to her most of all when it comes to communicating with someone else. She doesn’t let him send anything that is “sketchy” or “wrong words, bad meaning, Dad”. He would give the world to his children, but for Cassandra, he would destroy it and build her an entirely new one.

Social media, especially with his terrible children all having accounts dedicated to making him look like a simpleton, was another rocky terrain he had to navigate on the regular. He had professionals in place at WE to run the company’s many accounts, paid top dollar to help appeal and relate to the masses, but he mostly had to manage his personal accounts himself. And so, @TheRealBruceWayne was one of the greatest struggles in his adult life. Why can’t he just retweet every post from @WE_Offical and leave it at that? People should only want to know about what’s new with the company. What do you mean they want to know more about our family and private lives? That’s unnecessary, and not important to the running of the company, right? Right? Why are you laughing?!

Luckily, most people in his life aren’t so intimately aware of his struggles. He can act and lie all he wants about being “hip” and “woke” and whatever else the kids are saying these days when he’s with the JL or in board meeting intermissions, networking with his associates. The Batman knows all and sees all, Green Lantern, of course he understands how “Tiktok” works. The Batman is a robot without a funny bone in his body, Green Arrow, but I did witness him sigh and say “same” when he knocked his cup of coffee over while on monitor duty once. No matter how badly his darling children call him out, the Justice League would be so much worse. So, it’s one of his most importantly guarded secrets... even more so than his secret identity at this point. Being unmasked in front of every Gotham rogue would be less detrimental to him than his “friends” learning of his utter ineptitude in staying on top of the younger generations’ lingo.  

When questioned why the League doesn’t have a group chat or a forum or anything that they can use to contact each other outside of world ending matters and communicator (”because we’re friends, Batman! Ma and Pa Kent would love to have everyone over for a barbecue!”), the person who dared even mention texting isn’t even given a verbal response. They are just glared at, silently, often for several uninterrupted minutes, frozen in place only able to breathe shallowly in fear of setting off the Bat. “You know why” his glare says, “I’ll eat you, your family, and everything you have ever held dear” the younger members hear. No one makes the mistake of asking about it twice.  

Outside of his children and Alfred, and his small circle of true friends involved in all aspects of his life, there is only one more person Bruce allows to know of his Darkest Secret. Selina. Someone most people would recommend he not be involved with. Catwoman: accomplished thief, distraction, chaos-incarnate most nights, and his significant other. Sharp as a whip (ha) and crafty like no one’s business; he is head-over-heels. On again/Off again and all over the place their long romance has been, but no one has ever challenged him, intrigued him, like this clever, beautiful, amazing woman has. He’s brought his partners around his children before, both for their judgement, and for their worst behaviours to vet out any “unworthy” suitors. He trusts them explicitly to tell him the truth about those he allows into the manor; were they rude about Bruce wanting to have group outings, did they say something about Bruce’s money, did they get angry or shout or make anyone uncomfortable while they were here? If his children even looked slightly unhappy with someone he brought them to meet, that person would not be invited back. Children, he finds, have the best sight when meeting people; no motives other than finding safety and love, no fear of consequences from speaking honestly...  

Selina, or Catwoman, as they had known her first, was someone all of his kids liked without issue right off the bat. She would make puns and play word games with Richard, his first Robin, tiny, still working on his English, able to connect with him over their acrobatic abilities. His second Robin, Jason, skittish and feisty as an alley cat, knew of Catwoman and her daring escapades long before Bruce found him. The young boy had a few heroes, and no one (not even Wonder Woman) could compare to the incredible burglar who bought food and jackets and medicine for the street kids in Crime Alley. She was saintly in his eyes, and to this day, Bruce was still working on convincing Jason he was good enough for Selina. Tim and Cass and Stephanie (basically another daughter to Bruce, she spends so much time with the family) all joined the Wayne clan around the same time and officially met Selina as a friend and partner of his, and in the good graces of his first two sons. Selina, in all her nightly business, and many travels and acquaintances, had met the three independently, helping Tim get home safely back to Drake Manor when he escaped to photograph Batman and Robin in the dank darkness of Gotham when he was just a young boy, spending some time with Cassandra when her despicable father left her alone long enough to recover from his rough treatment, showing her the first scraps of kindness in her short life, and watching over and protecting Stephanie as she followed and sabotaged her father Cluemaster and his criminal activities. There was no need to win them over once they met her civilian identity, she had already gained their favour and acceptance, and they were happy to have her near their new family. Damian, his youngest, his biological son, took the longest to warm up to Selina. He would never fault his little boy for fighting so hard against a woman that was not his birth mother, especially after all the manipulation and cruelty dealt to him by Talia for the first decade of his life. But as he began to learn about his father, these people in his father’s life, and this woman that was Not His Mother but “still okay, I guess”, he grew to see her as acceptable. Her cats definitely helped, he’d say, no one with cats that loyal and happy can be a bad person.  

Selina, the love of his life, he’d admit quietly to himself, was also a dirty traitor and in cahoots with his terrible children. She would say his texting skills were “sweet” and “very gentlemanly” when she was asked by anyone outside the family, and privately to him she would say she thought they were “adorable” and “please don’t ever change, Bruce, I like it.” However, nothing seemed to bring her more joy than his children sending her texts and “Snaps” and “memes” about him to her. Sometimes it was screenshots of the family group chat that they forced him to join, where he would post “To whom it may concern...” and “In regards to...” when he needed to reach all his delinquents in a timely manner. Sometimes it was video clips of him staring at his phone intently, then typing something on his laptop, then him reading and nodding along, and then finally going back and responding to the text he received with a small, pleased smile. And sometimes, when he got too injured or was too incapacitated to text coherently, he’d have his nearest able child transcribe his text to her. Depending on who was texting her for Bruce, she could expect many different things. From Dick, she’d get lots of shorthand and silly emojis, and many, many, winky and crying/laughing faces in brackets depending on what Bruce had made him type. Jason, bless him, used proper English most of the time, but would never write a single word of Bruce’s soliloquy to her, instead she enjoyed the TL;DR version: “hurt again, missing you, come home soon, blah blah blah, sappy gross words here, love you”. Tim would allow speech recognition to run on Bruce’s phone, and just let it go until the man passed out. Stephanie, the little chaos child, would film it and send it to her, including all her muffled laughter and shaky camera shots of Bruce emoting with his available undamaged limbs. Cass, still more versed in physicality and emotive movement, would interpret Bruce’s text into mostly emojis, hearts and happy faces and animals, but would include photos, and phrases that she found important enough to type out for Selina. Damian, forever his Father’s son in any way possible, texts very formally, referring to her or his siblings Bruce mentions by last name only, and lots of “Father requests me to tell you...” and “Kyle, know that Father...”. She adores these kids, and once Bruce recovers enough to text her himself, or she gets back to the Manor, they get to laugh about whatever she was sent this time.  

So, while it’s true that Bruce couldn’t text his way out of a wet paper bag, and his kids are sometimes brats about it, there’s probably a lot of different reasons he doesn’t spend too much time trying to improve his skills. Whether it’s the smiles of his children, the giggles of his significant other, or the warm feeling in his chest when he sees all his important people bonding over him, well, in the end, who’s to say?

[thelioncourts]

Caraval?

pLEASE allow me to ramble, oh gosh.

so, to preface this, i’m reading a lot of young adult lit right now. prepping for my first year of teaching and all, one of the most important parts to me is the encouragement of independent reading. one of the teachers i observed in my studies did something that he just called ‘book talk’ and every single day, without fail, he would read the summary of two or three books and, if he had read them, he’d spend three/four minutes talking about the book. he chose lots of different genres (graphic novels, sci-fi, war, romance, fantasy, dystopian, etc.) and it was simply to introduce students to books because, imo, one of the main reasons people don’t read as often is because they don’t even know where to start to find books that appeal to them. thus, long story simplified, i am reading a lot of young adult lit to put on my bookshelf in order to, hopefully in a multitude of forms, get kids to read. 

‘caraval,’ and its two following books, have been part of that and i was beyond pleasantly surprised to truly enjoy reading them and becoming a bit obsessed with two of the characters. 

i’ve been describing ‘caraval’ to people, at least book 1, as an ‘alice in wonderland’ meets ‘the hunger games.’ there’s not really the death toll of ‘the hunger games’ but the stakes are sort of similar: win the game of caraval. 

‘caraval’ takes place in a fantasy world (that is not detailed out very well, one of my criticisms of it, but i can get into those later) and the actual game of caraval is, essentially, the hottest event in the world. caraval is hosted by a man known as legend; rumors are legend is ageless and has been doing this for years upon years. what is the ‘this’ he’s been doing? legend’s caraval is a five night event in which players and watchers alike get to live in a magical world and are given clues and riddles that they ultimately need to find/solve in order to win the game. the first person to solve all the clues wins. 

but legend isn’t really the main character. the main characters, should you read the story, are two sisters: scarlett and donatella (tella). scarlett and tella live in a small island with their rich and abusive father. the sister’s have taken opposite reactions to their father’s abuse; scarlett is pragmatic, timid, always looking out for her and her sister and willing to obey in order to keep them safe. tella acts out, not fearing her own abuse because she refuses to let it keep her from living. 

when their mother disappeared, scarlett, ever looking out for her sister’s feelings, wrote to legend in hopes that he would host caraval on their island so they could go and forget losing their mother. scarlett wrote for seven years or so. her last letter she explains that she is getting married (an arranged marriage set up by her father) so she will no longer be on the island and legend coming at any point now would be -- unnecessary. so when legend writes back congratulating her on her marriage and enclosing three tickets, one for scarlett, one for tella, and one for scarlett’s fiancee, she’s shocked. 

she runs to tell tella but tella is in their father’s barrel room with, undoubtedly, the most beautiful boy in the world; his name is julian and he’s a sailor from the southern isles. after witnessing the father abuse the girls, julian, who was already going to take tella off the island as she’d asked, is determined to get both girls off the island. scarlett, the good one, says no of course, but tella has her own plans and she and julian drug scarlett and take her to caraval, the place she’s always wanted to go but was too afraid.

the first day of caraval, however, becomes increasingly worrisome by the passing minute, however, because the clues? why, they’re all about tella who was, in fact, kidnapped by legend on the very first day.

things only continue from then on out and, by the end, it’s almost impossible to know what’s real and what isn’t..........and the book ends on a cliffhanger that you can only find out the answers to by reading book 2, ‘legendary.’ 

scarlett and julian are wonderful characters and i adore them endlessly. i was really surprised to love them so much.

here are some criticisms though, ones to serve as warnings and whatnot; i wouldn’t call them deterrents because i still think it’s a wonderful series so.

1) yes, the lack of worldbuilding. there’s this map at the beginning and a few offhand comments about certain places (when scarlett realizes julian is from the southern isles she calls it a ‘lawless place’) but that’s literally all we get 

2) book 2. i’m going to be real upfront here in saying that i just don’t like tella near as much. book 2 is her pov (all books are in third-person limited!!) and there is honestly very little of scarlett or julian so...I didn’t really care. like it was interesting-ish, but i honestly think i would have enjoyed scarlett’s pov more still

3) their mother -- read it and you’ll probably understand.

anyway, if none of this made you want to read it, here’s this: when scarlett, tella, and julian first get to the island caraval is being played at, julian has to row each girl to the island separately. he takes tella first, comes back for scarlett, and as they’re rowing, they realize there’s a hole in the their little two-person boat. julian asks scarlett if she can swim, she says yes, and he takes off, only to have to come back because her dress is weighing her down. he goes underwater, cuts it off of her a-la pirates of the carribean style, and helps her to shore. they’re shaking and shivering and all the shops in town seem closed when they first get there. however there’s a clockshop open and, hanging in the clockshop, are clothes especially for them. scarlett is quietly disappointed because the dress hanging for her is drab and almost dreary, but she finds out quite quickly that the dress adjusts to her feelings and it is, often times, exceedingly beautiful. but, even better than that, the dress seems particularly fond of julian 👀

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

[esperata]

Tagged by @vicarious-rebel and @its-all-ineffable Thanks both of you. This was super fun.

Pick 10 ships without reading the questions.

1. Riddlebird (in all forms)

2. Hattercrow

3. Spones

4. Jedtavius

5. Thorbruce

6. Harlivy

7. Rumbelle

8. Ineffable husbands

9. Newmann

10. TuckerReed

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

Honestly, no. I know when I was younger I went with the flow of her being Joker's girlfriend but I grew out of that when I developed more critical thinking. I probably absorbed it from other fans.

2. Have you ever read a FanFiction about 2?

Are you kidding me? I write it! 😆 Though I do mourn the loss of one story ff.net by crowscrows (I think). It was called Black and White and I still aspire to that level of character and relationship development.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr?

Nope.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break-up today, what would your reaction be?

Heart ache and tears. They're the only reason I watched OUAT. Still need to finish that actually though I hear the last season is trash.

5. Why is 1 so important?

To me personally or as a ship? No matter, I'll answer both since there's overlap. For me they're a ship from a fandom that I've been interested in since I was a child. Recently they've gone mainstream and now people who never knew them know they have chemistry. I can share my love for them!

Seriously, I love everyone who's bonded with me over this pairing. And I'm determined to drag you all into supporting all the variations. That means loving fat Oswald just as passionately as the small Oswald.

It's a ship that doesn't have the visual appeal (discounting Gotham) but which works on a fundamental level. I adore partners who enable each other to be their best version and still have their own identities.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Serious as a heart attack

7. Out of all of the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Spones probably.

8. Out of all of your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

Ineffable husbands. To be fair they've had 6000+ years and an apocalypse to build it.

9. How many times have you read/watched 8’s fandom?

A fair few reads but only 1 watch so far.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

I've followed hattercrow longest, I think.

11. How many times, if ever, has 2 broken up?

😄 How to answer that when they're not canon? They do probably get into spats however but I doubt they ever last long.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Oh hattercrow for sure. I know the ineffable husbands are technically immortal but they'd definitely get discorporated. For Jonathan and Jervis it's just another Gotham weekend.

13. Did 5 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Hhm. Not sure whether they would or not. Given that Thor didn't hide Jane from his family I doubt he'd hide Bruce. But Bruce would probably want to hide from the publicity so maybe on Earth.

14. Is 4 still together?

Absolutely!

15. Is 3 canon?

Not to most people, no.

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Riddlebird. I've never read/seen Hunger Games but it can't be much worse than Arkham City can it?

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 10’s ship?

Asides from the homophobic writers? I guess you could argue T'Pol but again see point 1. BTW I ship T'Pol with Hoshi.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

Hattercrow. Riddlebird a very close second except they already have more of a fandom behind them so yeah, hattercrow.

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 1’s tumblr page?

Look, I have two daily default searches; hattercrow and riddlebird. Do I spend practically every waking moment contemplating them and their every possible interaction? Yes.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she´d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

Cruel question. I'm going to say 10, Malcolm and Trip, because frankly the writers did that to us already. And Malcolm wears torment and grief superbly well.

@fandom-star @mordredllewelynjones @chierei @arcanemoody @connerluthorkent and anyone else who sees this and wants a go. Seriously, I can't tag you all.

[thelittlehansy]

A chronology of all my different opinions of Prince Hans. ( 2013-2020)

Long version of a old post i already make. my different opinion about Mr.of the southern isles not sure how much thats actually interesting XD but it is truly CRAZY how many opinion i got about that character so i m gonna tried to give the most faithful inside look i have about Hans trought the years.😁

1-Neutrality ( 2013)

I was at first kind of neutral toward Hans. Like i was adoring already the love is an open door and the dynamic between Hans and Anna jinx jinx again it was my fav part 😂 but at the end i was more pleasantly suprise by the twist its was suprising and to me THE thing of the movie. the part exciting to watch again and know people reaction of it.. Like its was the beginning of the twist trend i was more pleasantly surprise that betrayed. I was finding Anna and kristoff really cute together and i remembered the comments "she kiss the others guy at the end its ruined the lesson of the movie" annoyed me a LOT 😂like i find that funny because now i understand more the critiscm of the end. Something that never change was my opinion of the punch at the end......*rolled my eyes* I never though it was something funny even if hans deserve it.

2- Hans is a loathsome character. ( around 2014-2017)

Frozen began to be one those movies with tangled and the princess and the frog that i watch several times because of how entertaining they were. So i begin To really associated Hans to a very messed up character cruel cold sadistic i was having that strong image of him during the betrayal scene. The emotionally abusive Hans to a poor princess . Really the worst part of what he did is how personal and mean he was To Anna. How he treat anna with so much cruelty.

I remember also didnt finding Hans handsome at all and didnt even understanding all the appeal around his design. ( now i have completly change my mind XD ) i think thats hans actions makes him even more ugly to me at that period. That period last a long time because that opinion was at a period i was not at all interest that much of frozen and that period last a long time. So yeah didnt was hating him but highly disliking him.

3- Hans : the disney villain ! ( around 2017)

That we entered in a dark period when i began interest in one thing : writing disney crossover fanfiction. When i treat Hans as every disney classical villain. 😂Every trait à disney villain got hans was having it in my head. I want to cringe at myself at that period because when i was trying to wrote crossover fanfic Hans was someone indicredibly violent who loved blood. i was making him do stupid thing for the sake of doing stupid thing. He really was hate by everyone. He wanted to rules the world i was enjoying makes other character put him down like his brothers or other disney princess and prince😅. Like in my head Hans was a disney villain so there was no way he was being friend with prince and princess But really he was always doing dumb thing and all the princes were hating on him because this is "Hans" you know😂. I took Hans as excuse to have some baddies in the fanfic i was imagining so what about the plot that hans team up with jafar in order To rules over the southern isles 😂 seriously remind myself of these hans period makes me want to hit my head against a wall. Because its obvious now that i was just not interest in the character , i put 0 thinking in his character and was making him do dumb very very dumb things for the sake of making shine the heroes of my fanfic.

Now i beleive this is something we are a lot to do i can name once upon a time who makes hans do stupid thing in order for Anna and kristoff to shine and maleficent who put down every single character of sleeping beauty to makes shine Maleficent sorry Beneficent.

I think at that period i have also learn some stuff about a frozen heart like lars the name of a brothers that is Nice to Hans and was making hans being an asshole to him and lars hating him After arendelle 😄

4- The best villain EVER OK !!!!! (2017-2018)

I think at the level I was reading more frozen fanfic because i got extremely interest in him at the difference of before who really i didnt paid attention to his character at all he was only a very very random disney villain. finally but most importantly i Feel in love with the idea of an evil prince. So thats when become my period Hans is the most evil disney villain he is amazing the twist is AWESOME OK !!!!!! Dont critized it ok !!! Thats perfect its makes totally sense 😂

The smile under the boat ? Thats a smirk what are you talking about.😄

Sociopath ? He is one. Look i know nothing about anti social personality disorder i put 0 observation in Hans actual personality BUT he was abused by his brothers. See thats not how sociopath are made ? Doesnt people who are abused turn into monster ??? ( god what an awful reasoning i hate now people who say he was abused so thats make sense he is evil) see jennifer lee said he is one ! *disappoint face while reading several people making good arguement as why he is not*

The hints ? I rewatch frozen especially for Hans and notice his face and all the hints were blowing my mind. But most importantly the one at that ice castle and his look at the chandelier to killed elsa. I swear i have read a comment saying the creators confirmed it was not part of the script and an error because i rememeber be very very upset and wanting this hint to be true 😅

Also my worst enemy at that period : the troll theory because it was logical....And the redemption fans wanted.😅 i was like

He is EVIL let him stay EVIL !!!!!!

Now i think i did like Anna 🙄😂 she feel in love with idea of love instead of Hans and me i Feel in love with the idea of an evil prince that took Hans for the character he is..😄

5 : Hans : Anna'ex fiance ( 2018)

The thing with disney princess villain is that most of the times the princess and the prince relationship are at the heart of the movie. So when frozen come out its was cool because elsa and Anna sisters relationship was at the heart of the movie. But in the end we saw more Anna with kristoff that with Elsa so i kind of associated personally frozen with anna and kristoff relationship. So that period where i start to stop having this very rigid point of view and allowed myself getting interest into something i was defitntly not with the other disney princess movies. The relationship between the princess and the villain who here was her ex fiance. So hans Begin in my mind much more Anna ex fiance that a classical disney villains and thats around here i start to truly ship them because i was really exploring Hans relationship with anna and the funny comical post canon relationship between them they could have. like them keep getting inviting at Ball arguing making their own propaganda on their side making love is an open door reference so i discovered there that Hans to me could have a pretty funny amazing dynamic with Anna that i never thought in the past. But it was more at that period start to find Hans and anna relationship interesting that shipping them.

6- team Jacob team peeta sorry team Hans or team kristoff. ( 2018)

My triangle love drama period basically. I began to considerably ship way more hansanna. Of course in post canon redemption story or AU and i think i have at that period read literraly all the hansanna fanfic ever. anna in poly relationship was my otp 😂 began a level where i start to extremely not ship kristanna not ship hansanna but ship them at the same time. 😂

and really shipping kristanna and hansanna alone had not the same charm as shipping them together.

So i began to see Hans more from a shipping point of view that for his own character. even when i watched frozen the very first times i was liking Anna subplot romantic arc with kristoff and Hans. And it was bringing me good old feeling of my teen and pre Teen years when i was addict to the hunger games and twilight and basically love triangle😂. Something there isnt technically in frozen but there are still Anna and two suitors with Hans and kristoff.

7- the grey characters with an interesting family. ( 2018)

Reading more fanfic i start to view him more as a grey characters and start to be interest in hans family. Yeah before i was all the time imagining hans alone didnt really take into consideration the little very little tiny detail that hans is a prince has a kingdom and a pretty big family. I had two strong headcanon about his family his brothers were jerks but just jerks and most of them were nice oh and their dad was dead i was loving the idea of hans older brother be the king. The king and the queen were character that i overlook that i was not interest but i was way more interest in hans brothers. So i continue my view on grey Hans and that relationship with anna i was so interest while being more and more interest in Hans family. So my world of headcanon crush when i discovered more stuff about that book a frozen heart publish by disney. And well in that book most of Hans brothers were really more than jerks but really horrible so first headcanon destroyed but i tried to keep the name Caleb but imagine the character with the personality i like. The king was alive....ok second headcanon destroyed 😅 ok gonna deal with that and like the idea of the king being nice. ( didnt knew how mess up he actually was)

8- the king of the southern isles : view Hans from the point of view of his relationship with his father.( 2019-2020)

The step : i finally command a frozen heart i spoiled myself while reading tv tropes😂😂 ( around that time i created myself a tumblr account) and read that book : basically i got incredibly more interest in : Hans psychology , the king of the southern isles hans relationship with his dad.something that i never through about in the past. But reading tv tropes makes me a LOT interest in the king of the southern isles and Hans relationship with him. really ironic taking my old headcanon into consideration really that book how it developp hans psychology really makes me view him A LOT different. We learn Hans hates violence is a pacifist never do evil thing in his life safe for what he did during those 3 years for his dad but he hates every bit of it. So i really started to view Hans dependant under the influence of his father and thinking that what is evil with Hans is more that toxic relationship with his father than Hans himself. Every bad thing he did this is because of his father corrosive influence. Thats also a period when i start to really saw him from a psychologist point of view his daddy issues his trauma. So yeah A Frozen Heart make me really see Hans in a whole new light

9- Hans the victim and the not so great villain (2020)

So now i think we move to my recent opinion well i m sorry but i cant ignore stuff publish my disney not a matter of liking a frozen heart or not To me stuff publish by disney are canon until Proven not and also i read that a group was form when frozen began something huge to keep everything same in the franchise. So after reading and analyzing a frozen heart thinking...thinking way too much about it i start to think even more about Hans😂. And here we got a character with a very big Ndad hans being his scapegoat who was all his life emotionally, verbally , physically , mentally abused since he is little victim of narcissist abuse. All the times reject , humiliated, bully and thats very hard to ignore all of That because from jeenifer lee word of Hans childhood to that recent comic disney publish with little Hans. They really go for : hans has a very messed up life. I m sorry but at this point thats canon. And the problem i have is that all of That that is defintly not a tragic backstory the character is still very much being currently mistress , abused and neglect by his family. He is still living that life as a kid as a teen as a young adult as an adult And nope whatever how much we like elsa and anna and it was wrong what hans do. He do not deserve to be punished by his abusers. And his abusers do not deserve to punish him. So when you have disney giving all that information about him showing him being a interesting character complex that has never do anything evil on his own wish except in frozen. But most importantly giving him such an Horrible life something that was never do for the others disney villain this is really hard to consider Hans a true disney villain. And yeah he is the villain of Anna and elsa story but very much the victim from the point of view of his family. So thats all of this that makes hans a character that truly break my heart for what he has endure and is still enduring in his life. So my current vision of Hans is victim Hans of course i repeat not toward elsa and Anna you know the kind of stuff some people would twist about what i say but a victim because Hans got very very bigger villain in his life on the contrary of the others disney villains. What is even more sad is that the two people that cares for him lars and his mom dont even stand up for him in public. So thats really complicated....even ship i slighty change my mind i ship even more hansanna , i ship kristanna and Anna in a poly relationship is still my otp🤣🤣 but...getting a tumblr account last summer and reading the whole blog fnafiction.net and archive of our own had be associated kristanna with not very good thing but i still like the ship. What change a lot is my view on him as villain now i agree that the twist sucks 😅it wasnt done very well and the hints...after reading some stuff now i belive most of them are creation of the fans. So thats a whole different point of view. 😂😂and nah hans has a lot of people above him in the hierarchy , he was not the big obstacle of the movie and i found out that Hans lying to anna was not even a thing at all during love is an open door while paying attention at several stuff on the franchise ( i make several post about it on my blog) the hints when hans look at the chandelier dont even exist in the scenario i chekced it. Hans was a bad guy to ony the main characters elsa and anna at the difference of the others disney villains. So all of those stuff compare to disney villains make hans to me A weak villain and more fitting in the disney princes line up as he is too me interesting and complex but not at the level of evil queen tremaine frollo scar shang yu jafar ursula maleficent dr facilier.

So yeah thats makes a 180 degree change just like him in the movie 😄 i dont know maybe my mind is gonna change again ?

it really never happen to me with any other disney character before To change so much my mind.

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Rereading THG 1

Part 1 the tributes; Part 2 the games; Part 3 the victor

My notes and thoughts as I reread the series in light of finished Ballad (it should have been sooner but I wanted to finish the book I was currently on... I was planning on ending the series and I’m on the fifth book of the six book series its going to drag me for a while I can tell so here I am) 

1 - 4

- the first time we see Kat and Gale together they’re in the woods and then they go to the lake when in Ballad the lake is the last place Snow visits in D12 

-- I’m listening to the audiobook narrated by Tatiana Maslany and I love that she actually did a quack sound and I quite like her as Katniss thus far

- the humiliation from being made to see the the Hunger Games as a barrel of fun and games

- So what did happen to Lucy Gray?

- I kind of snorted when I read this bit “As far as Reapings go at least this one has a slight entertainment factor” Snow was probably watching this and just going

- I always love the salute

- “Family devotion only goes so far for most people on reaping day” interesting line especially watching Haymitch’s games in CF

- Katniss references 7 year old Prim cleaning there fathers old shaving mirror every night-- not really a comparison but Snow looking at and smelling the powder in his mothers compact mirror--- Did Prim stop? if so when? and why?

- In Ballad Grandma’am made Tigris and Snow sit down and eat their meal together =Kat is telling the bread story she tells us she made Prim wait and fetched her mother and they sat down together eating one of the loaves and had some tea as well... However, I’m sure we can all see the differences in the two very different families

- Everlark shaking hands with the “reassuring squeeze” compared too Lucy and Jessup shaking hands with the blatant show man ship of it all- random note I liked Jessup and was sad with when he died and this was one of the scenes where I wished we were in another persons head as well

- Prim’s faith in Katniss vs Tigris and her faith in Snow

- from Ballad we know they did not have a chance to say bye so when did this come in?

- Katniss’s reaction to the gifts and the gratefulness for them until she rejects the cookies from daddy Mellark

- the conversation between Gale and Katniss is also reminiscent of something in Ballad

“you know how to kill.” “Not really.I say”... The awful thing is that if I can forget they’re people, it will be no different at all”

- I wonder about Johanna’s thought process in her Games

- the differences in trains between Ballad and this

-  about Mockingjays “something of a slap in the face to the Capitol“ We all know what Snow thought about them so that leads to even more wondering how long the mockingjay is a symbol of the rebellion

- Katniss appreciating the food and then annoying Effie with eating the rest of the food by using her fingers is still great

- Haymitch self medicating and the first reference to Haymitch’s job of mentoring I wonder if the 10th games is the first and last game when the Capitol kids did mentoring or when the victors became the mentors

5 - 8

- Katniss about Peeta’s kindness vs Snow about Sejanus

- The woods became our saviour and I was desperate to save us.... In Ballad the Snows also struggled with finding food for a few reasons they were in the city with a war going on

- Mrs Everdeen admonishing Katniss about her eating habits

- Everlark exchanging a exasperated look and Katniss admonishing her self about it

- “the best looking tributes always seem to pull more sponsors”

- 64 years of “progress” leading to the tributes having their own recognisable train

- Katniss winning over the prep team with a little manipulation via a smile and sweet words

- D12 were the stylists ordered to be bad or just incompetent?

- Relief about seeing Peeta and his knowledge of fires

- them laughing about their costumes and Haymitch 😂

+ Cinna was there a chance of the fire going horribly wrong?

When did the parades start being a thing and I hope to god it wasn’t inspired by what happened to Brandy?

- who throws the rose?

- The reaction of the Capitol people and how Katniss feels about them

- Katniss about the elevator is precious

- Effie wanting to threaten Haymitch with a gun to get him to the sponser table

- Kat wanting to press all the buttons in her suite

- Was Delly Cartwright just the first person Peeta thought of

- I wonder what Lavinia was running away from specifically

— “that I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger... Just like I was the games”

- “I can’t do anything, says Peeta” that’s me

- The effect Katniss has on people and think about Maude Ivory

- “its weird how much he’s noticed me... And apparently, I have not been as oblivious to him as I imagined, either”

- the knot station and the camouflage station is two stations that don’t get a lot of action why is that

- I love the bread lesson

- one of the gamemakers fixated on Katniss?

- Rue 😟😔 we first learn her name when Everlark at the spear throwing station

- i kind of hyper focused on the “we finally escape to bed”

- And of course the private audience with the gamemakers theres a little showmanship

— upstaged by the pig

— all the different places Kat shot at

— the reaction of the Avoxes and Gamemakers

- insert point here that I forgot

- “And I realise the impossible has happened. They have actualy cheered me up”

- “I grin at Peeta and realise I’m starving”

- the portrayal of Everlark being a team and the later romance

- the eleven probably made Snow grind his teeth

- the interview prep... “if you appeal to the crowd... you gain favor”

- the interview dress being eye catching

- “I am as radient as the sun”

- the difference between the interviews in Ballad and the ones in THG are also telling

— I think I’m goin to stop listening to the audiobook despite my liking of Tatiana Maslany because I’m also rereading the physical book kind of sad but not really

- Caesar and Lucky interview techniques born from their circumstances in the timeline

- Peeta’s confession gets me everytime... and I really really want to know what he was thinking in this reread

- “It’s all a big show. It’s all how you’re perceived” another Ballad similarity

- Another possible tie it in “more than a piece in their games”

- I really can’t imagine why cannibalism doesn’t play well with the Capitol audience.... 

- When did the trackers get developed? and when did they start being used for the Games?

-- In Ballad the mentors had a group planning session with Dr Gaul so did this become a regular thing that the head gamemakers had to add things to the games during their stint?

- Who came up with idea for the old arenas to be used as vacation spots?

[introvertguide]

Fight for My Entertainment

Over human history, people have found entertainment in a lot of different things. Tastes have changed over time but love of music has been present since the rise of man. Games of athletic prowess have provided drama and amazement for centuries. Even dancing has been a great source of entertainment to the population in some form throughout recorded history. One other thing that seems to keep an audience’s attention is the good old fight to the death. Although there are extreme fighting sports that are popular today, actual murder is severely frowned upon to say the least. Movie audiences still like to see portrayals of the fight to the death and there have been many movies, both good and bad, that satisfy this blood lust. I just wanted to go over some of my personal favorites (and some that really suck):

Ben-Hur (1959) is one of my least favorite movies, but I got to give respect to that chariot battle. I have been to Rome and seen the Circus Maximus field where the movie was filmed and where actual chariot races once took place. The horses and the outfits were great but the real interest to the audience in ancient Rome was the real chance of horrific trampling death with every turn of the race. Visually amazing with dramatic appeal. If this movie was only this, it would be a masterpiece, but there is almost 3 hours of boredom attached around it that really didn’t interest me. Great scene, though.

Spartacus (1960), on the other hand, is one of my favorite movies. It is another epic film and lasts a little bit long, but there are many huge battle scenes with thousands of extras and great one on one gladiator battles. Kirk Douglas is amazing as a gladiator turned general who took on the Roman army. There are a lot of one-on-one fights in this film and, despite the age of the film, still seem pretty realistic. This film is the reverse of Ben-Hur for me, having only 15 minutes of boring material surrounded by great scenes. Fantastic movie.

Edit Note: After rewatching, there are a lot less gladiator fights than I remember. In fact, I only now remember two, maybe three. There is also a lot more preparation for battle than actual battle. The best fighting part is likely when the gladiators first attempt to escape. This movie focuses much more on the repercussions on forcing people to fight instead of actually showing the fights. 

Enter the Dragon (1973) has to be mentioned because it has freaking Bruce Lee. A martial arts phenomenon that passed away far too early, Bruce Lee fights in a tournament to have a chance for revenge. Unlike many fights in which the action was sped up, he is rumored to have been told to slow down so that the camera operators could keep up. This doesn’t have massive crowds but there are still fights to the death for the entertainment of others. I do want to mention that this film is kind of racist and is exploitative along the lines of stereotypes, but the skill is so amazing that I think it rises above the B movie genre and is one of my absolute favorite movies. 

The Running Man (1987) is a movie that is absolutely amazing but not what I would call good. The script is weak, the dialogue is corny, and the acting is laughable. However, it does have Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura in the same movie. I mean, c’mon. A bunch of guys who are serving prison terms are put in a maze with professional killers that have weapons like chainsaws, fire suits, and electric projectiles. And this is all for the pleasure of a TV audience. Very much the modern day Colosseum scenario and a lot of fun to watch. 

Bloodsport (1988) is not a good movie but it is the reason that Jean Claude Van Damme is a household name. The “Muscles from Brussels” really shows off his high kicking skill in a tournament that features more than one fatality in the ring. Look at how much air that guy is getting...the athleticism can’t be denied. The film has a pretty strong cult following and it is another “fun” movie to watch because it does show a lot of very interesting matchups. By the way, the murderous villain in both Enter the Dragon and Bloodsport is played by the same Hong Kong martial artist turned bodybuilder, Mr. Bolo Yeung. A great fighting filming needs both a great hero and a powerful villain and this movie does have both of those things...but that is about it. 

Mortal Kombat (1995) is based on the video game of the same name and boasts supernatural fighters that end their bouts with gory fatalities. It totally delivers exactly that. There are no promises of nice sets, interesting back stories, or special effects and that is good because that doesn’t happen. The one-liners are cheesy, the martial arts are very good, and the soundtrack bumps throughout the entire film. Good enough for me. 

Gladiator (2000) “We who are about to die salute you!” I guess that you can’t have a list of gladiator movies with putting in this one. Russell Crowe plays a disgraced Roman soldier named Maximus who loses his family and is thrown into the ring to die. He works his way through to eventually take on a Roman leader and the whole thing is epic. There are a lot of battles in the Colosseum and they are all glorious. As far as realism and quantity of fights, I think this might be the best. Directed by Ridley Scott, it really takes the viewer and thrusts them into ancient Rome. “Are you not entertained?”

Battle Royale (2000) is the film that so many people cough under their breath when somebody brings up the Hunger Games. This film features a class of children that tormented their teacher so they were all shipped by bus to an island to kill each other until only one person is left. Warning, there is a whole lot of murder and suicide with sharp objects involving children. Each kid also has a choker that blows out their throat if they stop moving. Far and away more gory than its American counterpart, this film does not hold back nor are the contestants prepared for their predicament in any way. Very interesting but really makes the viewer feel that this kind of competition is wrong. Not a “fun” watch. 

Ong Bak: The Thai Warrior (2003) is a fantastic martial arts movie starring the great Tony Jaa as a fighter who partakes in underground street fights in an attempt to find the head of his village’s sacred statue. He takes on some crazy opponents who are much bigger than him, but he is one of the most high flying fighters I have ever seen. His flying knee attacks are just phenomenal. When this guy fights, I am entertained and I am not afraid to admit it. 

The Hunger Games (2012) is the story of youths in a dystopian future who fight to the death representing their district. This is all for the pleasure of the super rich who watch and give help to those players that they like. I think that the premise is so interesting but the heavy helping of teen angst amongst the child death seems weird. The desperation for companionship in the face of death was so much better in Battle Royale, but I still enjoyed this movie. The build up took too long for me, but the last half of the movie is gladiator arena glory. 

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) is a movie that I just thought of last minute but it does have a planet where warriors fight in an arena for the entertainment of Jeff Goldblum. There is a battle between Thor and the Hulk and that is all I really needed to know to be interested. Apparently this fight is amazing to everyone, even aliens on a trash planet. You know that audiences have a taste for carnage when they want to see two superheroes battle.

This list is by no means anywhere near complete so feel free to add on any other great gladiator films. These are just examples of how movie audiences seem to have a little bit of a blood lust and shows our tastes in entertainment have not changed as much as we might think since the days of the Roman Colosseum. I am not immune, but I am glad that my desire to see fighting can be quenched by acting without the need to see somebody actually die.

[thatyanderecritic]

been reading a lot of yandere stuff and it feels like the targets of the yanderes' love are not allowed to feel anything besides fear or all-purpose kindness (or arousal in the dubcon/noncon works). ex: they can't feel frustrated enough at their situation to vent (without the yandere/world deciding to "punish" them violently for it). its pretty frustrating... yeah twisted love is cool, but why does it seem like a lot of yandere works lack the romance and are just rape/torture porn fantasies?

And I OOP.... You just spilled all the tea on this message box anon. 

Anyways, Kai here to answer to the call of rants! Cause this pathetic sack of flesh (That’s me, Kai!) just loves to bitch and moan about yandere stories :) So let’s ponder why this is the case...

All the blame falls onto the author. I mean, they’re the only person who’s writing these stories after all. It’s not like these characters are real, ya know? But why is it that authors just like to copy one another? Well, I have a bunch of theories but none of them particularly nice. But they’re the hard truths.

1. Authors who write yandere stories are simply unimaginative and they just copy their predecessors.

While writing is a passion, I know there’s a grind in wanting views and increasing in popularity. I can’t tell you the type of schemes Julie and I came up with to make this blog more popular on tumblr since the demographics here seem to want the yandere aesthetics or the dramatics. Sometimes, authors just like to chase those clicks and views. So the appeal to the majority and what is a safe to write is normally the go to. Since they see that other people who write ‘X’ about yanderes get to cum money, they don’t really have the incentive to think outside the box or explore an avenue they were interested in because other people might not want to explore that avenue with them.

Or they aren’t schemers (like Julie and I lol) and are simply that unimaginative. They see something they’re predecessors wrote and go, “I like that” then just copy it thinking they’re doing something original simply because they’re the one writing it now. Let me say this now before anyone mistaken me: there’s nothing wrong in writing an overdone trope or following a path of your favorite author/story. Tropes are fun and if you like a certain thing, that’s cool. There’s a reason why the liberal arts study previous works compared to, say... the sciences. You wouldn’t study a medieval medicine practice since it’s outdated. But you would study the Scarlet Letter to widen your horizon and develop your craft. And that’s the important key: “wide your horizon and develop your craft”. The problem with most writers is that they see a book and consider it the word of god. It is terrifying when I hear people say something like “I’m trying to copy Stephan King’s writing style”. Fucking yikes my dude! Besides the fact that Stephan King is generally a bad writer, you shouldn’t mimic a teacher but become your own person. Take a technique or two you like and blend it to your style. Don’t become a chameleon (unless you are going to parody/satire said author). If you’re going to do a trope, I say consider two things: 1) Are you planning to do anything with the trope? Are you going to push it forward or explore a facet that you don’t think others explored? and 2) If you don’t plan to push it forward and just do a gratuities writing of the trope, are you willing to accept that fact? Are you going to accept it and not cover your ass when someone comes around to point out  that it’s a copycat of another story (Ex. The Hunger Games Series and the Divergent Series)? Are you willing to stand up and say “Fuck yeah I was inspired by them and made my own version because I love the trope.” If you’re will to answer these two points confidently, then go for it. Cause the worst thing you can do with a trope is A) Not do anything with it and B) Lie to yourself that you’re doing something new.

This suddenly reminded me when I saw one of these writing blogs complaining about getting copy and paste writing requests. They were complaining about wanting to be original and not wanting to be a commodity. Well... first of all, if they don’t want to be a commodity then stop writing people’s requests, the fuck lol. Next it’s laughable that they think their original. Let’s ignore the fact of the complete irony that they think they’re writing something original when what they’re writing is a plot given to them by a stranger and also that they’re a fandom writer (oops, spilled the tea again). There’s really nothing “original” anymore since we can point out a specific trope and trace it back to an ancient text that done the exact same thing. What is “original” is the blending of tropes, the reactions of tropes, and the element that authors put in their writing to give it life. Cause at the end of the day, if you entertained an audience, then you won.   

2. Authors who write yandere stories secretly hate yanderes.

Okay, so this is a theory that Julie came up with and I probably won’t have a lot to write on it compared to the first point. Anyways, the theory is that some of these authors who write yandere stories just hate yanderes. I mean, look at half the shit that are yandere stories. Straight up torture, clickbait yanderes, and scumbags. This is what people imagined a yandere would be. You can at least tell the difference between someone who liked yanderes or hate them. For example, when yandere’s has a “gentle moment”. If it’s genuinely sweet and soft, then that person probably likes yanderes. If not, then that person probably doesn’t and can’t get their head out of “I hate yanderes” mode. We can also look to the first point about scheming and getting them views for tossing in a yandere. Just like the otome game community, even if the product is shit, we’ll still eat it up because it’s a product for a community that doesn’t get a lot of products of their bias. 

3. Authors who write yandere stories are simply bad at writing romance.

Again, probably not a lot to write on this point since I spent it all on the first point. Anyways, as this point state, sometimes authors are simply bad at writing romance or not interested in romance. It just happens, you know? An author will bite off more than they can chew and end up making a mediocre story. And that, combined with point one and maybe point two, then of course no one can make an actually good yandere romance story since they can’t get out of their head of “Romancing a scumbag”. Also, sometimes people read a story thinking it’s a romance story when really, it isn’t. It happens and we can’t fault the author too much since they either need more practice or it’s our fault for assuming it’s a romance to begin with. Also, can I complain about all these people who tag some stories as a romance when it’s clearly not? Now they’re the real villains here. 

4. Specific authors who write yandere stories have a fetish for rape/torture porn.

Okay okay. I get it, some people got their fetishes and coping mechanisms. Put down your pitch forks. What I’m annoyed about are people who don’t acknowledge their fetish or at least state it at the beginning of their stories. Come on, don’t be those tagging jackasses who incorrectly tag their shit. Not everyone likes your fetish. You stay in your clearly defined lane and I stay in my clearly defined lane. Cool? Cool. Well, on this website. People are pretty good at their tagging and warnings. The problem are the jackasses outside of this hell site. If tumblr is hell, the rest of the internet is the void.

Well, tbh, this point isn’t too bad. People do what people do and I can’t complain too much. And hey! I would rather read these rape/torture porn stories versus the copy cat stories. At least we get porn and the possible reward of being able to jack off to it. It’s just that nine times out of ten, the “yandere” isn’t a yandere. What a surprise. 

Anyways, I hope writing this post help vent out your frustrations anon. 

Julie: Just edited Kai’s rant here. She’s really spilling all the tea 🍵.