#its still a blurry mess but like... less so?

[mellosdrawings]

Oh cool on shading and color. I also like the detail of one of Leona's eyes being lighter. Is one part blind?

Yeah, I explained it a bit on the OG post but Imma develop a bit here.

Basically, we talked about Leona's scar with @aria-faye and started a headcanon that he probably loses his sight gradually over time. It comes from several things.

First, one of the things I like to do when I draw is zoom in on official arts to find all the details of a chara design. I am 99% sure it is just quality drop, but regularly when zooming in Leona's eyes, his scared eye seems more blurry than the other. Then again, it looks perfectly fine in other arts.

Second, eyes are very flimsy and even if it wasn't touched by whatever attack/accident made this scar, it could have been affected by the healing process. Simply having scar tissues brush against the cornea can change its shape and deteriorate it.

Third, losing one eye usually messes up with one's appreciation of distances, so it would be nigh impossible for Leona to be a Spelldrive prodigy if he was already affected in his teens.

From all those, I decided that for my Future!AU Leona would be gradually losing his sight for this eye. He probably abused healing magic until his mid-twenties to try and postpone the inevitable, but eventually he just admitted defeat and let this happen. His other senses are sharper than a human's, so it disables him less. Still sometimes he knocks things over because he misjudges distances. (If Jamil is around he catches by reflex whatever is knocked off before it can break. Courtesy of working around Kalim for years.)

By the time those three get married, Leona is still able to see lights and colors, but it is such a blurry mess that he might as well be blind. He uses some kind of lens (magical or physical) to obscure his mostly blind eye so that his other eye doesn't tire from over compensating. Vil refuses to have him wear an eyepatch.

(Sadly for Leona, he now has two nagging wives who won't let him ruin his own health)

[risuola]

HEADACHE — F. READER x SUKUNA RYOMEN ft. Yuji Itadori

Your head has been killing you all day but you tried to play it off as nothing to not worry your boyfriend, but he noticed and didwhat he could to ease your suffering.

cw: fluff, Itadori is 18 and is a vessel for Sukuna, reader is in pain (duh), things like SA and su1cide are mentioned (nothing discriptive though), there is like, one slightly suggestive joke I guess? it's fluff, let me remind you! — 1,7k words

a/n: yet another fluffed out piece of writing for the king, because I love him struggling to keep his authority, alright? there are also so many fics where Sukuna is just purely violent that I feel like him being everything but violent is very much in demand and I love him more gentle 🖤 i also often get headaches like the one described so it was my inspo, kinda.

It hurt. Your head had been killing you since this morning and slowly it was getting to the point where you couldn't even move. It felt like a storm had been raging inside your skull for hours, you couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't concentrate on anything all day, and three painkillers didn't help at all. Your vision was blurry, your balance was off, everything seemed too loud, too close, too bright, too intense. You wanted to scream, you cried, and even begged whatever there is in the universe to just take this pain away.

"I can't," you whispered, crying quietly into your pillow as night fell. "I can't, I can't..." You tried not to wake Yuji, you even acted like it hurt less than it really did, just so he wouldn't worry, but now you couldn't hold it anymore. Your hands were shaking, your vision went black, and you wanted to die.

You got up, quietly and carefully, and slowly padded to the bathroom, feeling your way through the walls because your vision wasn't reliable anymore, and you put your head under the ice-cold water. Unpleasant shivers ran down your spine, your breath came short, but you stayed there, begging the university to ease the agony. And it did, for a moment. It all came back when you threw a towel over your head, unable to withstand the cold anymore. There was no point, you were dying, there was no other way.

Defeated, you dried your hair as best you could and went back to bed, where the moment you laid down, Yuji's arm found its place over your middle. He was still asleep, thankfully, and you pushed a pillow over your face and dived into the darkness.

"Is this suicide?", a voice that you only hoped was the creation of your mind reached your ears and you ignored it for the time being. Yuji was sleeping, he didn't move his hand from over your belly, he couldn't... "It's unwise to ignore me."

"Please, I can't do this now..." you whispered and took the pillows away. It was wet with tears, and so was your face when you looked at him. It was Sukuna, but it seemed like he had very little control over Itadori's body. Or maybe he intentionally kept you close to him so that you would die of a heart attack, but the sudden rush of blood that made your heart pump much faster than usual only made you feel worse.

"You can't do what?"

"Why are you here?" you asked, wiping your face.

"I love watching people suffer, and you seem to be just the kind of show I'd enjoy."

"Of course you do..."

"What is the source of your pain?"

"My head hurts. So fucking bad."

"Poor little human," he chuckled, lifting his head and resting it on his hand for a better view. In any other situation you would have pushed him away, tried to distance yourself, but now you had no power to fight back, so you stayed where you were, in the emotionless embrace of a curse that lives inside your boyfriend.

"If you stepped out to enjoy my pain, please go fuck yourself. Not the best timing, curse."

"How rude," he chuckled, "as if you were in a position to speak to me like that. I can slice you to ribbons before that brat even thinks of taking control back. Oh, imagine how devastated he would be to wake up to the bloody mess of his little girlfriend."

"Oh, sure. How creative, threatening me with death, very original. Perhaps you should surprise me and use your little hocus pocus to ease the pain I feel instead of scaring me."

"You want me, the King of Curses, to heal a human?"

"Kindness would be a good look on you."

"Oh, you're so desperate," he laughed and you covered your eyes with your forearm, already tired of his shit. The silence hurt you, not to mention his amused tone.

"Get lost, Sukuna," you muttered. "If you're not going to help, then stay quiet."

"And who are you to order me around?" his long fingers clawed at your chin, forcing your head in his direction, and you lowered your arm to look at him. Red eyes almost glowed in the darkness of the night, but he looked calm. "Hmm? Little human, have you forgotten where your place is?"

"I know where my place is, but you're in my bed now, so the only rules that apply here are mine."

"What a mouth," he chuckled again. "I can make this headache worse, you know."

"By annoying me to death? You're doing great at that."

It really wasn't wise to push Sukuna's buttons like that, your luck was definitely going to run out sooner or later, and even if you thought you wanted to die because of the headache, that wasn't really what you wished for.

"Sukuna, please, don't be a dick, help a human out."

"Oh, but watching you in pain is so much more entertaining."

"Have you ever tried to be nice, or is the concept foreign?"

"Being nice doesn't hold any power."

"Oh, but it does. When people truly respect you, not because they're scared, that's a different kind of power. And you like power, right?"

"I'm the strongest, I don't care what maggots think of me as long as they kneel in fear."

"If those people are maggots, doesn't that make you like a maggot king or something?"

"Oh, you're pushing your luck."

"Sure, whatever," you smack his hand away from your face and put the pillow back over it. If he's not going to be helpful, what was the point of paying attention to him? Just because he wants it doesn't mean he has to get it.

"And now you plan to ignore me?"

With no answer, you just pressed the plush item harder to your face, hoping that the pressure would soothe you even a little, but no luck.

Sukuna achieved his goal of making your heart beat even faster when he suddenly climbed on top of you, pinning you under his body and throwing the pillow away. Both of your hands he pressed to the bed with only one of his own, and you looked at him with a combination of surprise, confusion, and a glimmer of fear. This was not an ideal situation in any universe.

"What now?"

"Oh, don't be so scared, you wanted me to help you, right?"

"I fail to notice where the helping part is..."

"You humans fail to notice a lot of things."

Ryomen continued to touch you, but his touch felt anything but intimate. It burned, it felt targeted when his palm brushed against your knees or your inner thigh. Wherever he pressed, you felt some pain.

"What on earth are you doin-"

"I advise you to shut up before I change my mind."

And so you did, still unsure of what was happening. Why was this man touching your skin when you could have sworn, he wasn't interested in any kind of human physical touch. He was toying with you, enjoying the way your heart was racing in your chest, how you struggled to free your hands from his relentless grasp, and how you tried so hard to stay calm when he knew your mind was racing 180 miles per hour and off the cliff.

"Such a simple human," he mocked, his fingers brushing way too close to your underwear to go unnoticed, and your hips bucked up to create just a little more distance. This had to be another kind of torture and he was having fun making you so pliable. His eyes never left your face and you struggled to maintain eye contact. "What if I opened a mouth on the palm of my hand right now?" he teased, and you didn't get the subtext at first, but once you did, the vision struck you in a way it shouldn't have.

"Christ, you're more perverted than I suspected a curse would be," you muttered, turning your head to the side, creating an opening for him to kiss the tear off your cheek.

"You don't know much about curses, sweetheart," he laughed directly into your ear, brushing it with his lips as he moved his hand higher, sliding it under your blouse to your hip. "There are some mindless curses out there that only focus on sexually abusing their victims." This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. But his tone didn’t change, he was amused more than anything. "But I'm not a simple, horny curse, don't be so afraid. I'm the king."

"For a king, you do kinda often need to remind people about it..." you muttered, breathing in and out, focusing on this simple thing to avoid turning into a mess.

"Remember my advice?"

"Yup."

You closed your mouth and a wave of pulsating pain washed over your whole body again, radiating from your head as if a bomb had just exploded here. You closed your eyes tightly, tears once again threatening to flow from under your squeezed eyelashes. It hurt so much that you couldn't think straight, everything was blurry and you had trouble even recognizing the man above you. You wanted to pull your hands out of his hold, to put them on your temples, to do anything to ease the throbbing ache, but he wouldn't let you.

His hand pressed against your forehead. A moment later, the grip on your wrists loosened and the man rolled off you, taking a place beside you and pulling you into his chest. When you opened your eyes, no sign of black marks met your sight.

"Did he help you?" Yuji asked, his voice soft and cooing, but with worry clearly intertwined with his words. "Does it still hurt?"

"Huh?"

"Your head, does it hurt?"

"No... You asked him for it?"

"Yeah... I noticed you were in pain today, but you tried to play it off as nothing. And you didn't sleep and cried and I saw how many pills you took and still hurt," he spoke so softly, kissing your head tenderly and caressing your back with care and affection. "I'm sorry, I guess he had to scare you a little because, you know... ego."

"Thank you, baby," you pressed your lips to his chest, nuzzling into him even more.

"Oh, don't be, you know I'd do anything for you."

Next day you noticed that every bruise you had on your body wasn’t there anymore. Every hurt you earned through your every day clumsiness and trainings disappeared.

So that’s why Sukuna was touching you.

[miaisocool]

Johanna (Part 2)

Pairing: CollegeWanda x Collegereader

Summary - After drinking too much at a college party because of your feelings towards wanda it ends up in a mess!

Warnings: MINORS DNI 18+ Mentions of underage drinking, vomiting, angst, fluff, smut.

Note: Part two of Johanna! if you guys want a chapter three let me know! maybe i'll make one.

Word count: 6k

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Part one

You slowly began to regain consciousness as the after effects of drinking got to you, the dull throb aching each vein in your head as you tried to recompose yourself by slowly lifting your head and make up of where you were, the twinge of embarrassment from passing out in front of everyone was also starting to eat you alive, you felt sluggish and weak your body was in a limp state almost as if you were having sleeping paralysis. You slowly opened your eyes to a blurry vision of nothing but random orbs of light as if your body was finally being carried to heaven and that wandas kiss was the blessing that was delivered from the god above.

You were still trying to make sense of where you were the bright lights assaulting at your sensitive pupils you had to squint despite how awful your vision was right now still trying to figure out where you were. There was also a few sounds of inconsistent mumbling that you tried to figure out although another one of your six senses were still fucked up, your hearing. You couldn't help but make out mumbling of a womans voice talking rapidly non stop although there was ringing in your ears there was still a few sentences of concern you could make out from the womans voice like:

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"what if she doesn't wake up"

"i don't know what to do"

They sounded like whines of dread and sadness coming from the mysterious womans voice you couldn't help but wonder who it was. Although you had a throbbing migraine there was also another pair of sentences you could make out but this time it came from a mans voice as you made sense of it, it sounded like:

"She'll be fine"

"Just please calm down"

He was like the reassurance to the womens voice of concern makinf the situation less tense. The dialogue coming from these two mysterious voices was either the alcohol playing mind tricks on you as you didn't even know or remembered how much you drank although you knew it was a lot, or what you drank. You just grabbed bottles of whatever you could find and chugged straight away. Eventually the back and forth sentences started to take more of a physical than mental toll on you as each word that was spoken, you also wanted to mumble out a few words that would come out your throat but there was a heavier feeling than that like something weighing on you, something making your throat clench trying to get to surface level despite your effort to swallow it down. You were powerless you couldn't do anything much longer you heard a object of some sort being placed somewhere near you, right beside where you were about to vomit immediately as you hear that your body convulses and starts to let out everything from your system, whatever you had to drink or eat was ending up in that container.

Your stomach rebels against everything, It's a violent expulsion, leaving you gasping for breath and trembling with the effort, your eyes so watery worsening your vision, the taste of bile burning your throat this continues to go on for a minute at least but soon you start to panic, your chest rising up and down coming in shallow breaths, your heart pounding out of your ribcage, you weren't used to vomiting but when you did you dreaded the moment it would come. But soon you start to come down from your panic as you felt slender fingers start to brush through your hair sending waves of goosebumps all throughout your body as the persons hand made way to your scalp giving you light, sweet caresses, you just wanted to fall asleep right then and there

"its okay.. im here.."

The voice softly cooed to you you hadn't bothered to open your eyes until you realized it was wanda all the memories of what happened before you passed out last night started coming back to you in flashes.

Her kissing vision, she was always mistreated by him and always ran to you when something went wrong or a if a fight broke out between the two. Of course you despised the thought of him, you wanted to be him, you wanted to hold the place of being someone that belongs to wanda. you knew you were the right one for her, but she didn't want you. it made you frown, you wanted to fight against the tears that were starting to build up in your eyes. Wanting to relieve the heart ache of this nature with self pleasure with the thoughts of wanda or thoughts of just going into her arms and being comforted by her smell, like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla. Or her voice that was oh so soft spoken like music to your ears, you smiled ear to ear everytime she spoke a word to you. Most of the time you didn’t listen as you were too busy having dreams of being with her. But you soon snapped yourself out of it as you realized all you have for now is her presence and that's the most you can cherish in this moment. The sight of wanda letting her guard down around you painted a smile on your face and gave you a warm feeling as she continued to coo softly to you calming you down after your panic attack you try to mutter out a few words as you came down from your trance.

"wanda.."

As you spoke her name she propped your head up sliding a pillow underneath your head somewhat assisting you in gaining conscience as you took in what was going on and where you were.

"Im so sorry.."

"i didn't mean to worry you."

You whispered your voice barely above a breath.

Her eyes softened as she met your worried gaze she continued to brush her fingers through your hair as you laid your head onto the pillow she immediately shook her head as she took in your apology

"hey.. don't apologize alright? you have nothing to be sorry for.."

Her fingers continued to trace patterns from your scalp over to your cheek. She softly caressed it washing the tension from your muscles that you were carrying since last night. You felt vulnerable and exposed to her, like her touch was a spell for whatever emotions you went through in the past 24 hours she was the remedy or your guardian angel in a way. A small smile tugged at the corner you finally let your guard down and stopped trying to put on the tough act around her, you believed her, in her presence you felt cared for, understood and not alone.

There were some tears that you were trying to fight as the remnants of your panic attack slowly faded away each swipe of wandas thumb against your cheek fighting against that, easing your anxiety.

"I dont know what came over me..."

You choked up again. There were a few tears that were bound to escape as you spoke.

Wanda's expression remained understanding, her eyes filled with empathy her pupils were slightly dilated or were you looking too much into it?

"i promise you its okay.. please Y/n i hate seeing you like this."

she reassured you, her voice steady and calming. You loved seeing her like this, she would always be patient with you no matter what, well sometimes, it's not like you guys were perfect. Of course there were a few arguments here and there but that never took her away from you.

You hugged her burying your nose into her hair taking in her scent, her skin, the way her arms fit around you like a puzzle piece almost if you guys were made for each other she smelt like cherries, cinnamon and vanilla, again she was a blessing in disguise everything you ever wanted.

It was a bitter sweet moment at first until clint walked in and spoke up disrupting the moment of love between you and wanda

"hey, im gonna take y/n to her apartment.. so i'll just.."

Clint awkwardly walked towards the kitchen counter grabbing his keys from the heart shaped clay ash tray, it brought you memories from when you and wanda hung out for the first time. Wanda decided it was a good idea if you guys went clay sculpting as a "cute date idea" you warned her beforehand that you weren’t a artist and that creative when it came to things that involved art. She also warned you beforehand that she was in the same position as you. So when it was time for her to reveal her clay sculpture to you, you were amazed and teased her about being so talented, which she was, she was oddly good at everything and anything. was it her charming personality? or was it cause you loved her?

You removed yourself from wandas arms noticing her grasp gave you a sense of longing her hands stayed on longer than yours did. Her eyes didn't open to clints voice but only opened to when she felt your weight shift away from hers you could see a sense of disappointment in her body language but you quickly brushed it off as if it was nothing but you knew it was something.

"Call me when you get home safe alright?"

The words coming from wandas mouth made you smile really hard but you held back only smiling a bit to act all cold towards her and put on a front as if you weren't in love with her. But then clint immediately drifted to the front door then he made his way to his car opening first the passenger side because he knew you were still coming down from your hangover he walked over to the drivers side and started up his car waiting for you to get in.

You decided to speak up and finally give wanda a sentence of reassurance instead of leaving her high and dry or just leaving her with the thoughts that were consuming her alive since last night.

"Yeah i will."

Even your tone was cold. You knew what was coming you were mentally preparing for it, you were already distancing yourself from wanda you couldn't take it anymore, was it her fault? no, of course not, she was very dear to you. It was just some stupid feelings you had for her, it wasn't your fault either. If you could ever pick a person to be in love with for the rest of your life it wouldn’t be wanda. It hurt you too much, seeing her with vision one day and then cradling into her arms the next? no it was too much for you. You hated it and just couldn't take it anymore.

For the next few weeks on campus you started avoiding wanda. The messages she would casually send to you daily were starting to turn in messages that were sent once in a while.. maybe once a week at best! you left her with nothing but read receipts either that or you turned it off after a while but she wasn't stupid she knew she wasn't getting left on delivered, You were even starting to take different routes to your classes so you could avoid meeting her or her gaze that you once longed for. Whenever she was brought up in conversation with shared friends you kinda didn't talk at all until the topic was switched. Obviously it caused you heart ache as you forced yourself to distance away from her. You started crying yourself to sleep some nights or soothing yourself the way wanda once soothed you. You couldn’t escape the void of lonelinesses that was once filled by wanda but not anymore because you wanted to distance and “protect your feelings” from her.

You knew things were getting bad when your mental breakdowns started consuming you, it felt like your mind was drowning in a sea of vulnerability and a deep depression that would never go away. In those moments you often found yourself imagining what would it be like if wanda was there with you. She would take you in a warm embrace like a guardian angel fighting against the problems in your head, her soothing voice where she would whisper your name over and over mixed in with words of affirmations or some reassurances telling you that everything was gonna be okay. You depended on her like a lifeline it made you grounded and gave you strength to hold on just for her. You hated that you had to deal with this because of a sore decision you had too make.

At least two months had passed since the incident with wanda, and you kept avoiding her. Initially, it hurt to see how much she tried to keep in contact, calling, texting, even showing up at places she knew you’d be. But eventually, she got the memo as you distanced yourself more and more. You convinced yourself that your feelings for her were gone, though deep down, a part of you knew that wasn't the truth. As the days turned into weeks, the love you once had for Wanda faded, and you no longer saw her as a friend, just a stranger. Did it hurt? Not anymore. You had become cold, and shutting her out seemed like the best decision for your peace of mind. Or at least, that’s what you wanted to believe.

The following day you found yourself at a party it sort of gave you flashbacks to when you saw wanda, how beautiful she was dancing in the flashing lights, everyone else was blocked out from your sight, your bodies pressed against each others as she filled your ears with her beautiful moans, your lips brushing against her neck as you kissed it, her arms wrapped around your neck trying to get more of you, your arms wrapped around her waist as she assisted you what body part to kiss, her neck, her chest. You quickly drank away the memories as you poured another shot of rum quickly drowning your system in alcohol, it was becoming a coping mechanism for you, imagining wanda. but she wasn't there, drinking copious amounts of alcohol it was ruining you physically and mentally. Wanda and Vision had been dating for at least three, maybe four months now? you couldn't keep track since they were so on and off. You hoped that Wanda wouldn't be at this party because you knew if you saw her, she’d want answers about why you had been so distant and you would just give her a quick apology and storm off. The lights were flashing over the crowd and over your face blurring out anyone there except clint because he was always right by your side taking care of you making sure you didn't turn into a drunken mess like last time. The faint smell of weed and cigarettes filling the air around you, making you slightly cough.

You pushed your way throughout the crowd to get away from the packed crowd of people but as you were shoving your way through them with multiple apologies your eye couldn't help but catch a glimpse of vision and wanda together you slowly realized that wanda was here, and she wasn't alone. Vision stood beside her, his arm casually draped over her shoulders. They looked comfortable together, laughing and talking as if they were a perfect couple but you knew deep down that they weren't. A tightened feeling quickly made its way to your throat as you saw vision lay his lips upon wandas. Did she belong to you? no, of course not, but you were once there before. It deeply hurt you. It hurt you to the point where you needed to let your emotions out so you dragged your presence away from clint and made your way outside. As you dragged yourself with tears in your eyes blurring everything from your sight you felt a familiar shoulder rub against yours as you walked away. It was her, It was wanda, you recognized the familiarity from when you guys would cradle into each others arms.

You quickly turned away, hoping that Wanda hadn’t noticed you. But it was too late. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw her glance in your direction, her eyes widening in recognition and her pupils dilating in limerence. The look on her face told you everything: she had seen you, and she wasn't going to let this go. She once longed for you and needed a answer now. Of course you also missed her, she was a part of you, the thought of her consumed you, YOU LOVE HER, YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER but you hate that you are because, it's ruining your life.

You made your way outside as you quickly took your phone out of your pocket to order a uber until-

"Y/n."

You almost dropped your phone out of your hand as you met her cold gaze that was once sweet to you but you knew that all hell was about to break loose. Her voice was firm. Too firm.

"y/n please talk to me."

"wanda this isn't the time or place." You quickly shut her out. She was trying to get to you but you didn't want that because of your selfish ways.

“Then when?” she demanded, her eyes searching yours. Her eyes were searching for at least a hint or feeling that showed you cared “You avoid me for months and can't give me a fucking answer?" There she was again, she knew you hated confrontation but this was the best way she was gonna get to you.

"Im going home." You said firmly looking at your shoes kicking against the cold concrete as you started to step away until she took your arm into her grasp

"You're not leaving me again. Im getting you a uber." This wasn't reassurance from wanda that everything was fine but it was a simple confrontational talk of hers.

While in the uber your gaze lingered out the window as you breathed in wandas comforting scent until you turned your head to finally break the silence

"You know, im really happy for you."

"yeah?"

"Yeah i mean, your in a relationship, he's a good looking guy i'm very happy for you two"

The words felt forced you looked at your hands until you heard the sound of wanda chuckling a bit at your compliment, she knew it was false, you hated vision, she knew you were trying to put on a front to hide a feeling.

Wanda got out of the uber first immediately running to your side and opening the door for you, you smiled at her as she wrapped her arm around your waist walking into your apartment complex.

"Keys?"

Your mind was foggy from Wanda's presence, but you managed to gather yourself enough to hand her your keys. She unlocked the door to your apartment and gently helped you onto the couch.

You lay there for a while, hearing the sounds of her moving around the kitchen. Glasses clinked against the marble counter, ice cubes dropped into a glass, and water poured. Her footsteps grew louder as she walked back towards you.

"Up," she instructed softly.

You smiled at how gentle wanda was being, it brought you back memories of the months before the incident with you and wanda. She gently assisted you into a sitting position, knowing you felt a bit sick. Her hands were firm but comforting as she propped you up, ensuring you were more comfortable and less likely to feel nauseous.

Sitting beside you, she propped herself up, her posture relaxed yet attentive. Her presence offered you a peace of mind. With a gentle yet steady hand, she held the glass steady for you, her fingers lightly supporting its weight as you took small sips.

As you drank, you couldn't help but notice the softness of her expression, the concern noticeable in her eyes. It was moments like these that reminded you of what once was of your connection, she searched for a hint of longing in your eyes, a hint of anything that would tell her that you're emotionally available.

"You're avoiding me"

Wanda's voice cut through the silence like a knife, her words soft but laden with a profound sense of hurt and frustration. The words hung heavy in the air like a accusation as you looked at her

"It was a accident."

you lied, the words left a bitter taste in your mouth as you looked at her. you knew the truth—you were avoiding her—but admitting it felt like facing the inevitable collapse of the friendship you have with her or once had.

"You can't accidentally avoid me."

Wandas words started striking at you like venom, you could feel the weight of her words pressing down on you, a crushing weight that threatened to suffocate you.

"you really wanna know why im avoiding you wanda?"

You finally lashed out at her, you decided that this was the best time to pour out all your feelings to her, it was like word vomit you couldn't control or take back the words that were about to come out your mouth.

"i fucking hate seeing you with him wanda."

Tears were staring to slightly spill out your eyes with each word weighing down your chest making you choke on your words the more you spoke her gaze softened at your vulnerability.

"As long as you're happy that's all that matters.."

Wanda's gaze softened, her eyes searching yours for something you couldn't quite name. "Are you?" she asked quietly, her voice barely a whisper.

The question hung in the air between you, heavy with unspoken emotion. It was as if she could sense the sadness within you, the conflicting emotions that threatened to consume you whole. And in that moment, as you looked into her eyes, you knew that you couldn't keep hiding behind a facade of false happiness.

"No... of course I'm not," you confessed, your voice tinged with a rawness that echoed the ache in your heart. "Seeing you with Vision, it hurts me to my core. Sometimes I find myself sitting there, praying that I could just stop loving you altogether."

Wanda's expression softened, her eyes reflecting a mixture of sympathy and understanding. Without a word, she reached out, her hand finding yours in a gentle embrace she tried to take you into her arms but you fought back as you cried more almost having a mental breakdown but you soon let down your guard and let her wrap her arms around you.

This goes on for a minute or two until she pulls you back to look into your eyes and finally see the emotion that she was searching for, for months she just wanted to see that emotion in your eyes that showed a hint of love towards her.

"i love you.. okay? no one could ever change the love i have for you y/n."

Wanda wasn't perfect either of course the kisses, hugs, touch you shared with her, they lingered in her mind, a constant reminder of what once was, and what could have been. She always longed for you, even in the moments when she tried to convince herself otherwise.

"I don’t think I’ll ever love someone as much as i loved you.."

"You're my person y/n."

She looked into your eyes, her gaze raw and vulnerable, revealing the depth of her emotions. You looked back into hers you started to put your guard down as she grasped you in her arms.

You pulled away slightly to make room to see her whole face, she had a demeanor that showed she was longing for something, she was longing for you, for her lips on yours. The words start to spill from your mouth like vomit.

"I love you."

Wandas restraint finally breaks and she hungrily pushes her lips onto yours practically devouring you, you were so weak you let her take control of the kiss for a while until you return the kiss and press into her almost as if your bodies were morphing together but then after a while you give up. She was soft, like the girl you’ve always known wrapping her arms around you to support the weight she was pushing onto you in a hungry desire, she held onto you like she cares. You hold back a bit as you try to prop up onto her lap you struggle a bit but, she finally gives in and assists you by grabbing your waist gently and laying you onto her lap, you started to moan her name over and over some whines here and there, you placed a knee between her thigh you pulled away again as you cupped her face in a bitter sweet moment.

"is this okay?"

She nodded as she looked at you her eyes darkened but not by lust by the love that she always carried for you, as you propped yourself up on her thigh, you started to grind down into her, your core started to slightly weep onto your underwear almost enough to seep through the pants you had on.

"i love you.. so much wanda.."

You moaned out her name very softly. You were breathless almost it felt like your heart was a ticking time bomb that was about to explode any minute, it felt like a dream, you couldn't believe what was happening.

She smiled almost stupidly as she felt you grinding down against her thigh, with every thrust she was in a trance, she couldn't help but assist your movements with her hands placed upon your waist controlling your speed and motion, they soon made their way inside of your shirt as she fondled with your chests making you whimper a bit more.

You could taste all of her, the scent of cherries, wine and vanilla that always kept you longing even more for her was blessing the aroma of your apartment.

Your hands roamed her body, feeling the heat of her skin through her clothes, while her fingers tangled in your hair, pulling you even closer. She deepened her tongue into yours the faster you moved, the more urgent the desire became, building to a climax that left you both gasping for air. Your heart pounded in your chest, matching the rapid pace of your movements as you edged closer and closer. looking into her eyes you couldn't believe you were having this moment with someone you loved for so long. She slowly pulled your body weight off of her, her hand making its way towards the zipper of your pants as she looked at you for assurance to keep going.

As you looked at her gaze, you communicated with her without speaking a single word, your face softened as you took in the warmth of wandas presence you felt your chest flutter as you nodded then her hand slipped into your waistband slowly inserting her two cold fingers into your warm, wet core you slightly hissed at the feeling until you slowly sunk yourself deeper onto her fingers grinding a bit faster. She smiled at you again as she noticed your desperate movements it made her desire for you skyrocket, you finally let out a heavy exhale as you were holding your breath for so long from being so tense from the situation as she looked into your eyes while softly running her fingers through your hair helping a wave of comfort come over you as she pressed her lips against your forehead while pumping her fingers into your core as you breathed heavily before plastering and peppering her faces with kisses. Your movement was somewhat weak from the spell that wanda was putting you under almost as if she was a witch.. maybe a love witch.

"im sorry if it's bad-"

You immediately cut her off with pressing a kiss to her you felt her smile come onto your lips while you pressed against hers making her melt like ice cream.

"nonono- it... it feels so good wanda."

You said almost breathlessly as you smiled and assured her. This gave her more confidence as she started to speed up her movements not in a rough way, but in a way that lovers made love to each other. She felt her wrist start to cramp up a bit so she started using her thumb to draw circles over your clit as you threw your head back giving her mouth enough space to place kisses onto your neck leaving you with marks that were going to be very visible the next morning. More whimpers started to escape your mouth as you almost felt her knuckles go slightly deeper when you plunged your body weight lower onto her hand slightly giving you a sense of overstimulation.

"you feel so good y/n.."

You finally snapped out of your trance still having wandas fingers pump your clit not too aggressively but not too soft but just enough to go at a regular pace you couldn't help but feel a bit of shock as her pupils dilated even more with each thrust she sent to your core she was looking at you as if you were a god, holding you to the highest power or maybe to her this was what heaven looked like.

"im going to..-"

Finally a tight feeling in your stomach started to take over you as much as you tried to hold back for wandas pleasure you couldn't help but be selfish and let your own desire take over. As soon as she heard those words she started pumping her fingers at a faster pace making you slump into her arms even more causing her to wrap a arm around your waist as she lifted your shirt up with the swift movement of her mouth and started sucking on your breasts mumbling a few sentences over and over like:

"You're so perfect."

"I love you.."

In the moment you didn't mind if those words weren't true but you knew later on you would beg to know whether or not the statements that spewed from her mouth were true.

You finally reached your climax as you felt your throat tighten your words were incoherent as they were muffled by your moans of wandas name over and over, your breasts being latched on by wandas mouth causing a wet sensation all over your body, your fingers tangled up in her hair causing a mess, and your core felt empty as she pulled her fingers away from your throbbing core, you noticed the mess you made over wandas hand slowly dripping to her elbow you couldn't help but hide yourself as you nuzzled into her neck. Wanda immediately protested this, she pulled your head back to give you a clear view on how much you meant to her, she slowly brought her fingers to her mouth until you grabbed her wrist trying to fight her from doing the act that would drive her away from you but she pulled away from your grasp and immediately licked her fingers clean as she stared into your eyes with love filled in them. You were shocked from the sight as no had ever been so kind to you something that was yours was in her mouth, more hers than yours now.

Again, she pressed her lips forcefully against you, making you taste the mix of your juices and her lips mixing a feeling of love within you, You pulled away as you tried to catch your breath coming down from your high you were about to close your eyes until you felt her pick your sore body up from the couch and moving it to your bedroom providing more comfort for you both as you laid next to her you couldn't help but smile at the image that you dreamed about for months, it finally came true and that's all you needed.

She let out a slightly shaky breath, her chest rising and falling in a tender rhythm the same way your chest was also rising and falling down while you were still coming down from your high. Her fingers, warm and soft, gently caressed your cheek, tracing delicate patterns as if she was trying to remember the outline of your face. Each stroke was a silent testament to her feelings.

Her pupils dilated with adoration, and you couldn't help but smile from ear to ear at her touch. Yet, despite the bliss of the moment, the intrusive thoughts started to gnaw at you. Desperate to push those thoughts away, you spoke up, your voice barely a whisper.

"You're gonna regret this wanda.. i know after this.. tomorrow morning you'll just go back to being with vision.."

The words slipped out with your breath, and as soon as they did, you wished you could take them back. You watched helplessly as her expression shifted from one of pure love to a sadness that brought tears to your eyes. Regret washed over you.

"Why would you say that?" she asked softly, her voice trembling. Her eyes, which moments ago had been filled with love and adoration, now shimmered with unshed tears. Her brows knitted together in a mix of confusion and hurt, the corners of her mouth trembling as she tried to understand your words. "Why would you think I'd ever do that?"

You looked down, unable to meet her sad gaze, feeling the weight of her emotions pressing down on you with guilt lingering on your tongue. You could almost feel the ache in her heart, the way her hope had faltered in the face of your doubt, you regretted every word you said.

"I- i dont know-"

She took a shaky breath, her hand reaching out to touch your cheek once more, as if seeking reassurance. "Do you really think im that type of person?" she asked, her voice breaking slightly. "That you believe I would ever regret loving you? shit, even making love to you?"

Her words hit you causing you to be a emotional train wreck as the tears that were lightly shedding started to pour out of your eyes as you sobbed reaching for her grasp in a moment of comfort wanting to just run away. The vulnerability of her words really showed you how much wanda cared about you, she was willing to fight for what she believed in, and that made you love her even more.

"I just dont wanna get hurt" You confessed, it wasn't wandas fault that you felt this way but from your past you were so used to partners abandoning you at your lowest and you even begged them to stay, you hated seeing yourself so miserable so when it was time for your college years you started to rely on meaningless hookups for a sense of something but it never brought you anything.

She wiped your tears as she brought you into her arms carefully taking in your scent and ruffling her fingers through your hair to send comfort to you as she shushed you, knowing the more you talked the more you were willing to cry.

"I would never do that to you."

"I think loving you.."

A beat, she sighed for a second catching her breath as she almost started to break down again from the sight of you crying.

"I think loving you was the best decision i made in my life, don't ever let your thoughts consume you like that again okay?"

Her unwavering love, the sheer depth of it all, filled you with a mix of hope and slight regret. You nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in your throat.

"I'm sorry it was just a stupid thought" You chuckled rubbing your eyes as they slightly burned from how much tears you poured out tonight you were slightly embarrassed but you didn't mind since you had wanda there for you.

She pulled you away from her slightly so she can make sure you take in her words with bittersweet promises and love.

"Don't ever push me away again.."

"I love you."

You smiled at her words, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. She leaned in, her lips meeting yours in a soft, tender kiss. you seemed to melt away in her presence as she gently laid you down again, her arm wrapping securely around your stomach. She snuggled up to your body soothing all your worries.

Your eyelids started to grow heavy, and everything around you began to come into a blur. Yet, just before you surrendered to wandas comforting embrace, you managed to gain a bit of consciousness. With a sleepy smile, you mumbled back to her, your voice soft and filled with love.

"I love you too.."

Each touch of hers was a silent declaration that she was willing to stay with you no matter what. Finally lulling you asleep.

[museofthepyre]

CAMP HERE & THERE SWAP! AU!!!

EVERYONE GATHER ROUND I NEED TO INFODUMP. This is going to be a long post, bear with me.

In this AU (constructed alongside the lovely @cecilsrandomeverything) is a protag/ antag swap AU, wherein Sydney and Elijah swap narrative roles, and so do Jedidiah and Adam. The rest of the cast are just swapped with their obvious counterparts (Joshua/ Yvonne, Rowan/ Juniper, Fennell/ Soren, etc)… though, there is also the less obvious swapping of Warren/ Matthew, and Lucille/ the Gravediggeress.

Titles:

Elijah, "The Angel"

Sydney, "The Miracle"/ "the Black Cat Man"

Adam, "The Vivisector"

Jedidiah, "The Horologist"

Ms. Graves, "The Sentinel"

And Lucille, "The Puppeteeress"

General Plot:

Everything pre-limn is almost exactly the same. Jedidiah and Sydney live their messy little lives, until Sydney starts wilting— Jedidiah delves into dangerous unknowable ‘magic’ in attempts to save him, but it’s not working. It’s only making him worse, and his time is running out. In a desperate Hail Mary effort, Jedidiah kills and resurrects Sydney… successfully*.

Sydney wakes up in hospital, having emerged from a long coma. The first thing he sees is a figure standing over him, haloed by the bright white lights of a hospital ceiling. Sydney saw an angel… tending to him with caring and dutiful hands, guiding him back to the realm of the living. He could feel a bruise-like ache throughout his body from where death itself had gripped him. He… had died. He knew he died, and that’s all he was certain of in that moment. He’d kissed heavens gates, and still retracted his lips from the cold metal… It left the taste of copper in his mouth. But now, somehow… he was alive again. He was alive enough to look up, all milky-eyed and dreary, at the angel who awoke him. He who preformed a miracle… divinity caged within a human vessel. Sydney felt he owed this angel a debt… he knew it would only be a matter of time before his body began to fail again. A good long life was just never in the cards for him. As he stayed in hospital, barely conscious or coherent, he came to believe that his saviour would only suffer the same fate. The body is a prison, its betrayal is inevitable and indiscriminate… even the most beautiful and holy creatures are not exempt. The body is a curse, and so, Sydney knew what he had to do with his new fleeting life.

Jedidiah must have messed up the ritual. Sydney came back, yes, but he came back wrong. So, so terribly wrong… he still… looked… dead. He was clueless to his situation, all spacey and confused… his memories were scrambled and blurry, and Jedidiah saw no spark of recognition when their eyes met. Seemingly, like a newborn fawn, Sydney had imprinted onto the first thing he saw (Elijah, who in this AU is a normal nurse). Jedidiah couldn’t accept this ending. He left Sydney there in the hospital, entrusting his care to the nurses while he isolated himself to research. He threw himself deeper and deeper down the rabbithole of forbidden magic, until he was in so deep that he could no longer see the sky above. He became lost within the unknowable… he let it consume him. He’d let it transform him. Whatever the Conductor was: some spector of the astral plane, visiting dreams to share unknowable knowledge with those who sometimes recognize his form… that’s what Jedidiah became. Jedidiah A A Martin is missing, with no body to be found. His childhood room (which he had been staying in during all this) was found in-tact, showing no sign that Jedidiah had packed up to leave. On his desk were journals filled with unintelligible writing, which slowly devolved into frantic scribbles with each passing page. Soon after… Sydney went missing too! What odd timing… he seems to have up and vanished from his hospital bed at the same time that two nurses left the job.

Elijah and Adam, who’d been college roommates a few years prior— with Elijah studying nursing, and Adam studying psychiatry. They were friends in all respects… which Elijah found himself feeling lucky for. He’d always struggled to keep friends, so when someone as sociable and charming as Adam took an interest in him… he felt indebted to the kindness. Elijah (as he does in normal CHNT) struggles with mental health… he really clung to Adam, and Adam was just as eager to be there! There to listen to him vent, help him stay grounded to reality, offer up advice, and to ask questions… lots of questions. So so many questions. After a few years, Elijah found himself feeling like Adam’s personal case study rather than a friend. As if the most interesting thing he could offer was a mind so profoundly broken that it was a spectacle to observe- something to be poked and prodded at, to see how it’ll react… but that’s impossible, Adam was his friend! He’d confided so much in this person, how could he not be? Adam told him not to seek therapy elsewhere, since Adam would help him for free! And, yknow, you can trust him, he has a psych degree. When the stress of working in hospital got to be too much for Elijah, and he began to think about staying with family for a bit… Adam was quick to provide an alternative. Adam was a social guy with many strange and unusual connections, and he just so happened to have the perfect suggestion! A much less stressful nursing position, at a summer camp run by a “Ms. Graves”, whom he raved about with high regards. They could go together! Take a little break, get away from it all�� and so they did.

At Time of Series:

Adam and Elijah are co-nurses at Camp Here & There, or well… Adam is more of an assistant nurse at this point. He seems utterly distracted by Elijah’s condition, poking and prodding his way into the man’s head with words like cold, sterile medical tools. Pinning him down to an inescapable sort of “friendship”, even though their relationship feels like nothing more than an artificially preserved husk. Adam is still always nice, but Elijah can never tell if it’s genuine or not. He misses when their conversations felt warm, he misses when he felt like a friend rather than a case study… or a paranoid asshole for doubting Adam’s sincerity. He puts on a cheerful face for the kids, and while some find him to be a bit *too* cheerful, they can tell he really does care. He’s well-spoken and delivers the morning announcements with a theatrical flare! Sometimes he’s a little too eager to share his feelings, but he does mean well. The kids really like him overall, they think he’s nice!

Adam is like an illusive celebrity around the camp, he’ll show up and be very energetic and engaged for a short period of time, winning the favour of all the kids with his fun fun chaos-enabling… and then he’ll disappear! Back to his office, leaving Elijah to clean up the mess he made. Nobody knows what he’s up to in that office. Last time Elijah got a peek, he saw the walls COVERED in framed pinned insects and taxidermy… and stacks of notebooks, the ones he’s always scribbling into after speaking with Elijah. Adam seems to know a lot more than he’s letting on.

Jedidiah is missing. It’s actually his college that made report of this, after he ghosted all his classes and no professors could reach him. Nobody could track down his mother either, and his father… his father had already passed. Elijah sees someone in his dreams sometimes, a dishevelled man wearing a lab coat and too many watches. His presence is accompanied by cacophonous rhythmic ticking, like multiple clocks all overlapping at different paces. He tells Elijah things he can’t know… he speaks like a frantic and incoherent madman, it’s all so bizarre. And yet, Elijah can’t help but think he looks oddly familiar.

Then there’s Sydney, who… just up and vanished from his hospital bed. Who knows where that guy is. Although there has been a mysterious figure spotted lurking around the campgrounds… draped in layers of tattered black fabric, covered in moss and mushrooms, and wearing a strange black cat mask. They’ve been caught leaving random things outside of Elijah’s bedroom in the nurses cabin… little shiny rocks, bones, pinecones… one time an entire fairy ring grew around the cabin overnight. Nobody knows what he wants, but it’s been reported that those who see him are overcome with an overwhelming existential awe… dread and wonder in equal amounts, makes you want to sob your eyes out for the universality of pain, and dance for the love of the sunlight. The only exception to this is Elijah, who upon seeing the ‘Black Cat Man’, feels a strange sense of obligation— of care and concern, for a reason he can’t pinpoint. His guard lowers and all sense of danger melts away… he feels compelled to care for this stranger, like he would a patient. A patient who can do him no harm, still and quiet in their hospital bed. Of course, the questions and red flags all come back once the Black Cat Man is out of sight... but which reality is he to trust?

Running the camp is Ms. Graves, a mysterious lady who is rarely seen or heard from. She only seems to communicate through written letters or using Adam as a proxy. She’s just a busy lady… she really is lovely to her staff!

There are also rumours floating around regarding the crawling fields beyond camp. A desolate span of colourless grasslands infested by bugs of all sorts, wherein the fabled “puppeteeress” dwells. Nobody has ever seen her, but they have seen those handsome wooden mannequins she enchants to do her bidding! They show up on the outskirts of camp quite often… their eyes may look inanimate, but you can still feel them watching!

Ok ramble over for now. I may be back with character doodles later. Also if you’ve read a suspiciously similar fic on AO3 with this exact setup, but it’s the au’s version of “the ceremony”… yes that is me :3 hello :3

[simp999]

Medic x Reader - The Red Means I Love You

Wc: 2.7k

Themes: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort(reader was feeling down beforehand)

A/N: I really haven't been writing huh,, sorry about that, guys!! I've been real busy with work n' other stuff- but I promise I still love seeing your ideas! I can't promise I'll get to them, but I still enjoy seeing them :3

Taglist: @electro-omen @skeleton-stomper-xoxo @moopy-milk @pillow-14 @emotionallyunwellmedic

Masterlist

Optional Playlist!!:

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Not again.

It's always that damned static that manages to hum itself back into your ears; almost romantically. The idea sounds so beautifully comforting; lovingly pulling you away from reality, holding you in a close embrace.

It sounds so much nicer in thought than in practice.

But as much as you can't help but zone in and out, every sound around you feels so loud yet hushed at the same time. The buzzing of the lights, the crickets outside, at one point you think you may have heard someone walk past your room to go to the kitchen, but it was just one sound among many.

You sat alone in your bed, staring blankly ahead. You couldn't make out what you were staring at, nor did you care. - It was all just a blurry mess.

But you needed a distraction. You knew that if you were to be left alone it would only get worse.

And suddenly, you were standing in front of Medic's lab. You didn't remember the slow journey there. Maybe you've walked the path so many times that you went on autopilot? That doesn't matter right now.

You can hear footsteps from inside, and a soft, muffled voice. You can't quite make out the words, but with his tone, you can assume that he's talking with his birds.

You reach out for the door handle, hesitating. Did you really need to go bug him? You'll get over it, you're sure.

What exactly is it that your body needed? You shuffled through a short list of things. You ate earlier, drank water, you got an... okay amount of sleep. Well, more than usual- which is a start.

You just needed to be in someone's presence, you think.

But not just anyone, you're sure that someone like Scout would be too energetic, and Soldier would be too loud.

You always end up right back here, don't you? Maybe it's because you feel comfortable around him? You couldn't be too sure.

You lightly shake your head, your vision continuing to stay just a bit more blurry than usual. With the blurred shapes that you know spell "laboratory" in front of you, you finally crack the door open a smidge. Then some more.

Medic was standing in front of his doves, holding his bloody finger up to Archimedes. You're assuming he'd just given him a piece of meat or maybe he was petting him. In the middle of the action, Medic tilts his head your way, opening his mouth for a greeting-but deciding against it when he does a quick once-over of your tired form. Though, a gentle smile does make its way on his face.

You slowly hobble over to an empty counter, ignoring the chair stacked with a lab coat and papers, hopping up on said countertop. You stare ahead at the body on Medic's operating table. You haphazardly analysed it. It sat lifeless, it seems it'd been that way for a while now. Well, at least you knew you and him were truly alone.

You leaned back, letting your arms hold you up. Medic silently went back to his spot beside the corpse, picking up a scalpel with a soft smile. He began to hum. You'd be lying if you said you didn't find it comforting. The buzzing of the lights surely didn't leave, but they felt less overbearing. It was also late, and Medic rarely had all of the lights on at this time, only keeping the one main one he needed for seeing the corpse with.

He could tell something was up, but he didn't want to pry- though it was nagging at him. Perhaps Archimedes could tell, or maybe it was pure luck- or maybe Archimedes saw you as someone to care for too. Soon enough he was carefully flying towards you, gently landing on your shoulder and rubbing his head up against your cheek. It became tough to hold back a small smile, and you relaxed your shoulders. You gently brought up a knuckle to very carefully pet him with. Along with whispering little nothings- most of which Medic couldn't make out, only sometimes hearing his own name.

He couldn't help but admire the sight before him. It's a good thing that the corpse in front of him was indeed just that- a corpse- or else dropping the scalpel in it probably wouldn't have been too good.

"..Hey,"

He snaps back to reality, his face warming up just a bit at how you caught him dazed- one could even say with a somewhat lovestruck expression. You weren't about to point that out though, were you?

"Why'd you stop humming?"

He.. he was humming? No- well, yes he does tend to do that a lot while working to busy himself, but you noticed? His eyes widened a bit. It's not exactly a conscious thing he does- and it doesn't help that now that he's put on the spot he can't quite come up with anything to hum.

So, he carefully sets down whatever tool he was holding and quietly makes his way over to the music player. You recognized the first song as "Bust Your Kneecaps". You giggled at how fitting it seemed to suit him. The song was so calming but morbid at the same time. He carefully adjusts the volume and begins to sway his hips as he once again as he works on the corpse in front of him. The music player sounds a bit staticky, but the music was still enjoyable.

And now it was your turn to admire him.

He sure was skilled at what he did. Even with music playing and him obviously focused on the sounds surrounding him, he nonchalantly makes such precise and careful incisions. The soft smile on his face, and the way his hair was a bit messier than usual- a given after a long day of battles. You caught the way he'd absentmindedly twirl the scalpel between his fingers before deciding where to place his next incision. The blood coating his gloves glistened,- hey, that's odd, he very rarely wore his gloves while working. May he knew you'd-? No, no, you doubted it.

You noticed the way he had a small pep in his step whenever he had to walk around- it seems his boots may be newly polished, too. His voice when he hummed or softly sang any lyrics was always so comforting too. So much so that you'd absentmindedly join in on the humming at times if you knew the song.

Which is what happened. You only noticed that your soft hums could be heard as well when you caught the way his smile grew and he glanced over at you with hope in his eyes. It was always reassuring to him when you'd slowly warm back up in the subtlest of ways. Of course he knew when you weren't doing too well, and he was always glad to help you out. Honoured, even. It made his heart warm knowing that he was your go-to person to feel comfortable and safe again, even if it just meant being in the same room as him.

It means you willingly trust him. Yes of course, people trust him with their wounds in life or death situations- but they have no choice. Yet you come to him for the most mundane of things.

He must admit, he might be catching feelings.

And there wasn't any major event that caused him to realise this- no. Actually, it was something quite small that you'd done many times before.

This must've been roughly a month ago now; he was sat at his desk, his pencil going back and forth over some paperwork at ungodly hours of the morning. Everyone at the base should have been asleep, but he should have known better as mercenaries. None of you were normal- but you all still needed rest.

Which is why he was surprised when he heard soft footsteps slowly approach him. He recognized them, of course- had he not, he would have been reaching for his bonesaw.

Your presence alone relaxed him. But then he remembered how late it was, and was about the question you on why you might be up at this hour- damn hypocrite.

But before he could, there was a small plate with snacks being placed beside his paperwork, and a hand giving his closest shoulder a small, absentminded massage.

Then, you stood behind him, slowly snaked your arms around his shoulders and slowly leaned against him- almost all of your weight. You rested your chin on top of his head and you hadn't said a word.

This meant two things: one, that you had finally accepted that you simply couldn't tell him to get to bed because it would never work, to which you had adapted. Second, you were up at this ungodly time, and the first thing on your mind was taking care of him.

The thought of asking you why you were up at this hour left his mind, instead opting to let you watch whatever he was working on. Well, as much as you could with your eyes half-lidded, sometimes closing on you.

Every so often, he'd grab a piece of the snack you had brought him. One time, he brought a piece to your lips, and you lazily ate it with a hum. From that point on, he'd eat a piece, then offer you one. Then, because he was so entranced in his work, he had forgotten about the snack. Until you gently brought a piece in front of his mouth, still wanting to take care of him.

"...You don't have to do this, you know."

You gently shook your head, leaning a bit more on him and giving him a gentle squeeze, which was enough of an answer.

And yes, he did notice the way you'd begin to lose your balance due to how tired you were. He himself would lean just enough to keep you upright when he could tell you were beginning to doze off.

That was the first night you managed to get him to go to sleep early- and that was without a single word spoken by you.

That was the night he learned he may have feelings for you. He felt a growing urge to care for you; in subtle and non-subtle ways. Of course- the mercs could tell that he'd slowly become more of a pocket Medic, that much was obvious. But he'd also watch out for you in ways he knew how to. He'd make sure to give you a proper dose of anaesthesia, always be gentle when he did anything involving you, clean his lab and equipment thoroughly before even thinking about using any on you. He never thought too much of it, either.

You began living in his presence more often too, and he appreciated it so very much- he'd never brought it up, but he did care. There were a few times where you'd swing by and he'd offered you a snack; or if you were cold, he'd offer you his labcoat.

Then he realised that he became happy when you were happy.

He never thought of himself as an empath- far from it, really. But suddenly when your mood was down, he'd find himself alone in his lab, doing what he always does. It felt like he was on autopilot, and he felt dull. But when your mood was better and you were more excitable- or even simply happier overall, he'd hum more often, and he wouldn't notice the smile that seemed to constantly spread across his lips, nor the pep in his step.

Which brings us to the present moment. You two humming along to the song. It slowly drowned out, and a new song came on, You recognized it as: "The Red Means I Love you."

Medic's lips curled up a bit, and you gently kicked your feet, his seemingly happy mood becoming contagious. You were still somewhat zoned out, now accidentally staring off into space, which just so happened to be his boots this time. And suddenly, they were right in front of you, along with an open hand blocking the view- hey, when did he remove his glove? It just have been just now, as it wasn't bloody.

You looked up to him and recognized the expectant gaze he sent your way. That warm smile on his face was what convinced you to take his hand, and he carefully guided you around with small steps.

He hummed as he gently placed a hand on the small of your back, and held your hand in his as if it were made of glass.

Once you two began moving a little quicker, he began to sing. He started out in a very quiet tone as to not startle you;

"'Cause my insides are red,

And yours are too.

And the red on my face

Is matching you~"

The two of you continued to sway along to the music, slowly becoming more comfortable, but keeping the volume low. The two of you were tired but content. Then, the reoccurring line in the song came up, and the two of you sang it together in hushed voices;

"The red means I love you~"

You couldn't help the small smile that slowly played on your lips, his was contagious. He offered you a wide grin when he noticed you looking up at him, but it quickly went back to a small, calm, and reassuring one once your eyes were elsewhere. One could even say lovestruck. Paired with a gaze that was admiring every part of you, simply glad to be right there, right now, with you. He'd take lives to be able to do this at any given time- there was nothing more perfect to him than this.

You looked so perfect to him in this very moment. Even the dishevelled hair, darkened eye bags, and slumped shoulders were to be admired. Any imperfections of your skin he found absolutely stunning- they made you unique. But with his background, he's pretty sure that telling you you had fascinating skin wouldn't come off the way he'd hoped- so he'd keep that to himself.

He longed to gently card his fingers through your messy hair, run his finger from your hair to behind your ear, along your jaw and finally tilt your chin up and admire your eyes with the warmest, most loving smile he's ever worn. To pull you a bit closer with the hand that was still resting against the small of your back, with barely any force to be noticeable.

And then he'd lean down, analyse your face for whatever emotions you may be feeling and go from there.

Now, he wasn't a shy man.

So that's what he did.

And that's where the two of you now stand.

After analysing your emotions, checking for any sort of discomfort- he tilted your chin up just enough for you and him to meet halfway.

It was a small kiss- short, sweet and loving. It could even be considered a small peck. There was nothing more to be added, enough was said- even if the only words spoken aloud tonight were mostly just lyrics.

You stood a little stunned, but that was only because you weren't quite ready to fully comprehend what had just happened.

Medic on the other hand was already pulling you into a gentle hug that had the both of you calmly swaying back and forth as he played with your hair. He gave you a small kiss on the crown of your head as you finally relaxed into him, and allowed your hands to rest on his back. Barely audible, he muttered;

"I love you, liebchen."

A gentle squeeze was offered that reassured him that you felt the same way, and you could feel his smile widen before opting to rest his chin on your head, and gently rest his hand on the back of your neck, caressing the base of it with his thumb as the two of you continued to sway together.

He looked forward to more nights like this. Nothing extravagant, just you and him, comfortable in eachother's loving presence.

.

.

.

Nov.10.23

[ddejavvu]

for multiverse monday & stepdad!hotch—

hotch tells himself he puts a teddy bear nanny cam in your room to make sure you don’t do anything with the partners you bring home…

but how can he help himself from enjoying the view when he hears you touching yourself and saying his name?

today is multiverse monday! send me any au you can think of :)

this post is 18+ and dark, minors dni.

It's precautionary, he tells himself, because you bring people home sometimes, and he wants to watch out for you.

And watch you he does, eyes dark and body numb as your fingers gently spread the lips of your cunt apart, delving between them to gather slick that's sticky in your folds. The nanny cam isn't exactly 1080P, so he's struggling to focus on the details, but your blurry image sends heat south just the same, and the moan that comes out grainy through the mic only makes things worse.

The monitor is in his lap, and his hand subconsciously shifts it to press to his bulge. It means that the vibrations of the speakers as you whimper at each brush of your fingers against your needy clit buzz straight to his dick, now stunningly hard in his jeans.

You seem to be noticing that your moans are less than muffled. To fix it, you stuff three fingers of your clean hand into your mouth, heavy on your tongue to quiet yourself down. Your lips wrap around them as you lick and suck at the digits, occupying your mouth so that you don’t give yourself away. A pang of arousal shoots to Aaron’s cock as he imagines it between your lips instead, your tongue kitten licking its tip and smearing spit on its underside.

The more your fingers glide through your cunt the faster they go, thumb nudging your clit every time your hand circles back. Aaron watches your feverish ministrations, jaw tightening and teeth clenching so hard they’re ready to crack. When, finally, your mental fantasy reaches an all time high, you gasp, mouth falling open around your fingers while desperate, greedy gasps escape your lips.

He almost misses it, a breathy, needy, ‘Aaron’, but the feeling of your words pulsing against his cock fans his flames, and before he can stop himself he’s cumming in his jeans. He can’t process the bliss raging through him or the fact that you’ve just moaned his name while cumming, which leaves him a stiff, silent mess on the edge of his bed.

He feels like a horny teenager, spying on a girl and cumming in his pants. And he supposes it’s fitting considering that you’re much less distant from your teenage years than he is. While they’re a fuzzy blur for him, they’re probably still fresh in your mind. It’s for that reason that he docks the monitor, standing up to take a cold shower. It’s not right, his attraction to you. Even less so considering you’re supposed to be a step-daughter to him, even if that’s not how he sees you. So he’ll windowshop. He won’t touch, but he will look.

[sandyca5tle]

Slime HRT - 22 Months

Slime time again, and the goo keeps gooing.

General update on slime-ification - I’ve only got bones in my head left! All my musculature and squishy bits have dissolved now, so I’ve just got a skull floating in my goo. I noticed that all this dissolving happened way quicker than it had previously, which I’m guessing is due to my acid helping to break things down

I have to say, having your spine dissolve is very painful, turns out all those nerves do not enjoy being eaten away by acid/medicine. Additionally, having all those nerves change caused me to have various movement and coordination issues - I spend quite a bit of time over these past four months as a puddle of goo, just about able to shuffle towards food, which honestly sucked, not having proper control over my body is the exact opposite of what I want. Obviously there were moments when it was fine, and I was able to do things normally, but even then the pain typically persisted in the background.

One benefit has been that, since my spine fully dissolved, I’ve felt more in control of my body than ever, and while that might just be in contrast to having less-to-no control recently, I think I have actually improved. Some of my fine motor skills that I lost in the early stages have returned, and I can perform finer manipulations of and with my slime, and I just feel more connected to my body now, which is very neat.

I’ve been working under the assumption that my brain is still inside my skull, as I’ve heard you know when that goes, plus if I move my skull around I can get a little dizzy, so I’m pretty sure it’s still in there. On that note, yeah, I can move my skull around my body, since it’s the only part that isn’t goo, so there’s nothing really holding it in place. In theory I could take it out of my body, but I don’t wanna try that as I’m honestly afraid that could kill me (I think a lot of the lack of control while my spine was dissolving was due to the lack of connection to my brain to hold myself together while the nervous connections reconfigured to be slime), so for now I’ve got the neat party trick of being able to move my skull around my body.

Of course with all my fleshy bits melting away, I’ve had some interesting experiences with my senses and similar things. The first thing I’ll run through is eyesight - I didn’t have great eyesight before, but I found my eyesight slowly deteriorating which, especially combined with the struggle to remain coalesced from my spine degrading, was pretty terrifying. The only thing that kept me somewhat calm was being fairly certain that, as with my lungs, my body would learn to replicate the function of the organ. Fun fact - slimes don’t naturally have eyes, so when I lost my eyesight, it didn’t naturally come back. I sat for a decent while waiting in blackness, waiting for it to come back, much like I’d started absorbing air through my slime with my lungs, but it simply didn’t. The only reason I can see now is ‘cause I kinda just made it happen. I figured that even if it didn’t automatically happen, my body still had absorbed the organ, so it should be able to replicate its function, so I shaped myself some eyes, playing around with them until eventually I was able to see again. It seems short written out, but I was at this at least a good few hours, trying to work out how to replicate an eye - fortunately, it does seem like there’s at least an instinctive part of my new body that can help fill in gaps, so I didn’t have to consciously replicate every fine detail of an eye. 

I do have to say, it took me a while to fine tune everything, started off with it being all very blurry and desaturated, but I eventually found where I was before, and actually, once I took my glasses off, I was able to correct my eyesight altogether. I do wonder if I can go even further, but with the experience so fresh in my mind, I’d rather my body get used to having eyes again as a default before I mess around more. Despite 20/20 vision being very nice, it is a little sad for me to no longer need my glasses, I’d gotten used to them, and it’s kinda a shame to see them go. 

I do have to add, weird thing about slime eyes, since it’s all really just my slime seeing, I don’t need any depth to my eyes, frankly I don’t even need ‘eyes’ in the traditional sense - any part of my slime can see, I just have to choose to see from there and I can, so my eyes are just kinda indents in my face so that people have a reference point as to where I’m looking from. At some point I’ll mess around with additional eyes, but as before, I wanna make sure I don’t accidentally blind myself again.

Taste and smell are a pair that I’ll group together, since they’re linked in both humans and slimes anyways. Naturally, much like with my sight, I slowly lost both of them as the responsible parts were consumed by my slime, rendering me unable to taste or smell for a while. Honestly, compared to sight, this wasn’t such a bad loss - made meals very uninteresting for a while, but aside from that it was easy enough to work with. Honestly, I’m not sure I ever really got them back properly, despite trying, I was never able to force them back into being like I did with my sense of sight. One day I did begin to taste again I noticed, although I also noticed it had definitely changed. For one, I can kind of switch it on or off, and for another I can now taste anything I eat, regardless of if I put it in my mouth, or just absorb it. It’s neat, and also definitely adds to the lack of distinction between differently shaped parts of my body - my mouth doesn’t do anything special with regards to eating, it’s just habit to eat through there, I can eat, and taste, just as well through any part of my body.

Smell however hasn’t come back, well at least, not really in a human sense - I can ‘smell’ things, but it’s more like tasting the air, rather than actually smelling. I’m guessing it’s because I don’t have to breathe any more, so I’m not inhaling the particles, instead, I simply absorb them passively as I move around. Of course, since this is now tied to my taste, turning that off stops me from smelling, so I’ve been trying to find a middle ground where I don’t taste things all the time/don’t taste things I don’t wanna, but can still smell - haven’t quite found the sweet spot yet.

On the topic of the mouth becoming redundant as a defined part of my body, I also lost my voice once my vocal chords were subsumed. These, fortunately, were the easiest to restore, or at least achieve the same function, simply by vibrating my slime to produce sound. It took me a little while to work out how to do this, but given the amount of time I’ve spent learning how to shape my slime, it wasn’t too hard. I have to concede that at first it was very wet and gurgly sounding, but I spent time working to refine it, and now it sounds much better. The slightly funky part is that it does sound different to my old voice… which I’m not sure how to feel about - I wasn’t overly fond of my voice before but it was familiar, and suddenly having a new voice is weird - I’m still adjusting it to find a voice that’s overall closer to what I had before, but I am having fun playing around with it a little. Oh, and of course, as with tasting, since I can do this from anywhere on my body, again, the ‘speciality’ of my mouth is kind of redundant, it’s just simply a shape on my body which is familiar and a hangover from my time as a human.

Surprisingly, my hearing hasn’t been affected yet, not even sounding like I’m underwater - I’m guessing that since bones go last, my ear bones and all that haven’t gone yet… and that maybe my slime is acting in place of my eardrum, assuming that that has also been absorbed. I’m guessing that that’s gonna go at some point over the next few months.

As for the rest of what’s been going on, I’ve continued to try to practise controlling my acidity, and I’ve gotten a little better, I’m able to make portions of my body neutral pretty easily now, buuut if I stop focusing it immediately returns to acid, not to mention it’s only parts at a time. I did get a suggestion about using air pockets to produce safe areas within myself to store objects - kinda a fly in amber situation (y’know, since I’m literally sap) - which has been useful, although since I don’t breath anymore, providing the air has been a little difficult, but I worked out how to move air around with my slime so I can blow on things now, as well as make the pockets. Still gonna focus on my acidity control, but until I’ve got that down, I’ve got a good work around!

On the shaping front, I've added a few new features to my form. First, I gave myself horns, and made my ears kinda aquatic looking, kinda like fins, but ears, like merpeople are sometimes depicted with. Neither of these particularly do anything, but I like how they look. On the more ‘functional’ side I shaped myself a pair of cat ears, and some big ol’ dragon wings on my back, of course all made from slime. I put the ‘functional’ in quotation marks since neither really work for their intended function, so they’re also only decorative at this time, but I’m hoping I can get them to work eventually. The cat ears don’t work since I’m pretty sure I’m still reliant on my human hearing system which doesn’t connected to cat ears on the top of my head (unlike my fin-ears which just replaced/were reshaped from my old ears) and I haven’t worked out how to fly with the wings yet - and I’m honestly not sure if my slime will let me, gonna have to experiment more with them.

On top of all of these, and combined with having had a lot of issues holding my humanoid form over the past few months, I’ve actually been experimenting with a sort of slime ball form. It’s very nice, small, and definitely adds to my feeling of ‘slimeness’, plus it’s a form that fits my skull pragmatically and aesthetically (main reason i haven’t shrunk my humanoid form is ‘cause i’d have to keep my head approximated the same size to house my skull, which’d lead to weird proportions). Only issue is, while the hopping isn’t exhausting (no need to breathe and no muscles means exertion isn’t as bothersome) it does kinda rattle my skull, and therefore brain, around which makes me a little dizzy. 

Kinda can’t believe I’m saying this, but I can’t wait for my brain to go and leave me fully slime, it’s gonna be so awesome!

See y’all next time! Goobye! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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@calliecwrites, @friedsputnik, @now-entering-the-goop-zone, @scrubbinn, @lilacinthefog, @mint-and-authoress, @losttodreams, @redroversendjayover, @ariathelamia, @kanithedemoncat, @copperweave

[ghost-of-a-system]

hi, we are autistic and also have aphantasia and alexithymia.

and we where wondering what you guys do when you don't know who's fronting, like that limbo of bodily autopilot where nothings going on inside the head and we all just blend together into an incoherent mess

we can't tell if someone new is fronting or if we think we are faking it again.

thanks

hey, thanks for reaching out! im not sure if we have alexithymia; we dont know much about it. but we do have aphantasia and autism, so ill try my best.

i think its an autism thing, but we mask a whole heck of a lot around basically... everyone but each other. if you or someone else is unsure what i mean by "masking", its basically just altering (no pun intended...) your behavior in order to outwardly appear "normal" to other people. pretty sure it can be both manually done or subconsciously. its usually subconscious for us personally. but for us, this "persona" we mask as is kinda hard and unnecessary to describe, but the point would be that it isnt really similar to any of our alters. we also do a lot of mirroring others, as in, involuntarily copying their personalities, speech patterns, etc., which plays into our masking.

when we are blurry or more "on autopilot" as you described, we tend to revert to this even more. since there isnt a distinct enough alter around to, at the very least, hog our train of thought, our brain just defaults to that masking persona. but this still happens a lot when we do know whos fronting; they subconsciously mask/mirror so much so that their identity becomes indistinguishable to even them. in all honesty, this usually doesnt go away until we either are alone again or something triggers someone specific out (sorta snapping us out of the masking for a bit). sometimes the someone specific is even who was fronting before good ol masking took over; it just kind of grounds them to their actual self instead.

overall it just makes it impossible for us to tell when we are just genuinely blurry or just masking to the max. we usually just default to assuming that were blurry until enough clarity kicks in to say otherwise.

as far as the "thinking it could be a new alter" thing, we definitely relate to that too. we kinda have a whole, system in place (no pun intended...?) to help with that. when it comes to masking, particularly mirroring, we typically mirror other people/characters/etc. to the point that we genuinely feel like a new person. oftentimes to the point that we feel like we are them. many times in the past its so intense that it puts us under the impression that theres a new person to add to the bunch.

i think one of us has talked about it in the past here, but im too lazy to go fishing for it. basically, we might log it, like in our simply plural, usually. keeping the profile on private and just logging that this potential new guy is fronting. we usually give it a week or two to see if they ever front again or if we can still 'feel their presence' later on, in simple terms. for us, majority of the time theyre gone, 'cause they never existed to begin with. but thats just because we mirror so much and so intensely, not sure if thats something other systems can relate to. we also just arent a large system, and while it isnt uncommon for us to split, its even less common that they stick around past a week or two.

its a weird cycle. but it doesnt mean youre faking or anything. just one of the weird ways things mix, especially being a system and having something like autism. they dont always function separately, at least in our experience.

[ganondoodle]

you know, as if it wasnt already boring enough that both link and zelda got back to their 'perfect' physical selves without any consquences from all that happened, the fact that zelda doesnt even remember anything either is just adding insult to injury

although it was also a lil disappointing at the end of botw that zelda didnt age even a little bit or had any other physical change at least she was conscious during the time she sealed calamity ganon in the castle and it overall feels less illogical

when you get the mastersword back in totk you get a cutscene of zelda with it after she had already transformed which kinda .... is weird? she seemed pretty awake there, and it being right after transforming is strange since the mastersword was already restored in that cutscene, i would expect it to be a slow progress- that said .. it also seemed like her soul was doing pretty fine, unlike how mineru said that you lose your soul when you do the dragon thingy; i guess it could be that that was jsut a thing that was believed without knowing if its true but ... why even mention it then, just to dangle some consequence in front of us only to reveal there wasnt any danger actually?

also someone (i think) commented once that zelda being turned back in that weird way was meant to be that she got time reversed .. which ... okay??? the teleport to that weird nakey floating dimension is still a weird choice to me (yes i know its probably the spirit realm or soemthing and thats why the ghosts that went poff already were there but it still feels off to me) .. aynway, i guess it was meant that ghost sonia + rauru did the give power to link thing that sonia and zelda did to rauru when he magic laser blasted all those poor moldoras (and never does it again ... why not magic laser blast away gan instead he was pretty openly standing on that rock problem solved hfldshnflsnjlfs) and that time reversed the dragon thing .... but aside from the symbol for the time thingy lighting up theres no indication for it if i remember right? its just some awkward looking magic beam blast save zelda edition (tm) why not at least include the clear tök sound that goes off when you use time reversal in game? would it have been both more clear AND cool if link was still standing on her head, the world gets that spirit realm filter like it did in skyward sword to indicate that theres a shift, then have the ghosties appear and let you as the player select time thingy and then her, ghosties give you their energy and the sound of time reversal goes off, the schemes of the world below goes black and white and start to shift; you dont need to literally show the path zelda had been flying over those thousands of years, but make the world a blurry mess and let the music speed up so you feel like you are actually doing something and then she turns back maybe near the temple of time (zonau edition) so its near the place where she was last human, the filters and ghosts disappear and whoop you got your epic falling scene ... but i would like to have zelda still remember it, otherwise it just feels .. weirdly manipulative? like lets reverse your brain and memory zelda no dont worry i meant good lmao trust me

that is if it was meant to be read as a time reversal on her .... but then i question why it wasnt used beforehand? couldnt you have done that to ganondorf even? if sonia and rauru can give you enough energy as ghosts then why couldnt sonia reappear after getting one-punche-mand-to-death or when you fight gan in the present time? is the excuse that he was so miasmafied or deep below the earth that the spirit world thing isnt in reach? couldnt you have done it after he did the dragon thing then? or is it a one time thing so they saved it for zelda? but then why didnt sonia get her ghost ass back there immediately after she died and time revrsed gan getting the enigma stone? ALSO if it was a time reversal on zelda where did the stone go??? shouldnt it be time reversaled out of her in some way to undo the dragon thing? where it go?? also to time reversal a body gotta be different to getting her soul back?? or was it just never gone so what mineru said about the risk was literally jsut so it seemed more tragic when it really wasnt??? like the apparent possibilty that the time reversal CAN be used on living things and not just objects makes me question it all even more?

(also was it meant to imply that rauru somehow through his arm got them both into the ghosty dimension?? bc how did they get there, and why cant they do it again? if spirits are fine over there even if they already went poof then why act so sad about mineru fking off like that? just go back there and say hi? njfkdnjkdj)

like im sorry i cant help but overthink all of this, with every supposedly explanation i just question it more?? i dont want to sound like one of those guys that go -OoHoh there was no clear text explanation for it so i dont knooooOOOOoOw i dont know how to use ma braiiin it makes no seeeensee- or maybe i am? i dont need an explanation for everything, in fact i LIKE when there are unexplained things, but it still has to feel .. whole? there are unexplained things that make a world and story feel more mystical without taking you out of it, but theres also a way to leave things both over AND underexplained with it seemingly contradicting itself or it just trusting that you take it all at face value and never think about it that it just feels off, the the first big moment where i felt SO taken out of the game i felt actually stunned was when i was at the shrine of life and it wasnt there anymore, at all, the cave shaped like a vague imitation of it, i felt like the game was laughing at me for being so distraught about it, like what you remember and care about the game this new one was supposed to be a sequel to? lmao, anyway theres a puddle of healing water :)))

idk i just ... if its not obvious already zelda is my special thingy so of course i overthink and criticize it in ways that may seem insane to the average person, but thats just how i work i guess :/

(i am still too thinking so much about how it all feels like such an afterthought, like especially with the weird time bubbles that literally NEVER COME UP AGAIN???? WHAT WAS THE POINT??? AND WHERE DID THEY COME FROM??? and why youd choose to suddendly give zelda time powers out of nowhere and then basically not do anything with it?? zelda astral projecting to the temple of time somehow even tho her soul was lost but is also fine just to give you the time reversal gimmick is so ?? oh wow look at that zelda gave you her sage oath before you even knew about them look how coool ok but how? and why? it wasnt the actual engima stone you touch to go into ghosty world either just like a .. a weird ghost of it, it just feels off man, ok you got zelda out the way and have your neat gimmicks and uuuh dang we need to find a way to give them to you idk lol listen, i KNOW you are not supposed to question it, i KNOW they always go gameplay over story but goddamn the story ruined the gameplay for me bc everytime i think about playing it again i just get reminded of the things that dont make sense or are just so .. lackluster in ways that even botws worst parts didnt)

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #1 v3

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

This post was last updated 08/03/2024.

Take it all in.

Treasure it for all that it is.

Because you will never see this hairstyle this clearly on Crowley ever again, not even from different angles...unless there's a treat waiting for us in season 3. But otherwise, no, that's all we get of this gorgeous, gorgeous shot.

...

Sideburn Check

Before we see Crowley pull that newspaper down, we are given a profile view of his right side of his face and can see his right sideburn. This sideburn looks short but is a little longer than the shortness we'll eventually see is the intended shortness after driving the car for a long enough time.

Let's take a look:

Wow, that is really hard to tell, but I'm still going to go with thinking it is little longer.

So, why is it a little longer in this human space that is the park?

Theoretically, it's a combination of factors that add up to Crowley making that newspaper his own personal door to manage his own personal space. I'll cover that more in the Earthly Objects section. It might also help that this human space is a more familiar one to him.

Two characters are going to show up, at different times, and there will be no interaction from him to them until he has deliberately pulled the newspaper down from his face. That is to say, he passes through his designated threshold to talk to them.

Once the newspaper goes down, we'll see the sideburns some more. They will look similar in length. It's hard to be sure due to the angles and expressions on his face.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

In our initial view of Crowley, we can't see the streak. Once the newspaper goes down, it will become evident. That means we have to be suspicious of the fact that we didn't get to see it at the start of the scene because this story lies. Repeatedly. Something is amiss with its chronology. There is possibly a book somewhere in here and a lot of games messing with our heads.

There is a weird blocking and blurring thing happening all the time in GO2, and it's really overt in this scene. Basically, Crowley's right profile view from the side of the bench is going to just keep being blurry, so that we still can't really see the streak in those particular shots.

Otherwise, on the more clear front or other angled shots, it's more clear the brighter red streak is there.

Hairstyle Changes

Crowley's hairstyle changes frequently during GO2. It will even change in really subtle ways during scenes, such that I simply cannot catch every style. The style when Crowley pulls down the newspaper for the first time is actually something like in between the first shot we see with the profile view and then another shot after it when Shax arrives. You probably won't catch that if you aren't trying. I missed it when I was first studying this stuff some months ago.

Far more subtle, and admittedly iffy—I could just be seeing what I want to see—but to me, it looks like the initial right profile shot has a more obvious gradient. The hair towards the bottom matches his season 1 color better and gets brighter up until the top. The after-pushing-newspaper-down style has a gradient, but there is even less of the season 1 color on the bottom area, as if the hair itself is transforming into its new season 2 state. Here's a comparison view if you wish to decide for yourself:

Here's the original collection I made from this scene before realizing the first style at least is different:

Now with streaks indicators too:

So with all of the above in mind, I reached the following conclusions back when first trying to figure out the hair generally...

(1) Crowley's hair is now a brighter red than season 1, including season 1 present day and season 1 flashbacks.

(2) There is yet an even brighter, more saturated, streak of red hair above his left eye.

(3) His sideburns are longer than they were in season 1. At this point, we have no comparison to season 2 present day, but they are going to get both longer and shorter than what is seen here in this same episode.

(4) In this scene, the hair is lighter and more saturated on his left side; it is darker on his right side. For episode 1 at least, in my past notes, that was standard for most of it.

(5) I can't tell you what the top style is telling us about Crowley's mood, but it does seem to do that, at least sometimes. I'll point out if I think I notice it at times later.

(6) The left sideburn does not have as much hair as the right sideburn. Just as the color of the hair is lighter on the left, it seems the left sideburn is supposed to be "lighter" than the right through that way. That seems to be the more frequent way these things work, but it does sometimes switch.

...

Earthly Objects

For Earthly Objects, one of the reasons "earthly" is specified in the name of the game is touches can depend on how an object is used on Earth, instead of just limiting things to tangible objects and physical touches. For example, looking through a window is an earthly object touch because people look through windows to see things on Earth.

Next, I am going to talk about pockets, so this part is going to get ridiculous. You might want to skip down to the next "..." if my saying the newspaper is like a personal little door for Crowley was enough. My understanding of pockets is limited, but I'll share that limited understanding nonetheless.

Before we get to a lovely right profile view of Crowley, there's lens flare rainbow stuff!

Pockets love rainbows combined with Crowley. We can blame Elvis Presley and his song, "A Pocketful of Rainbows". The most noticeable and seemingly official rainbow, in my opinion, is the one right before Crowley himself appears in the cut. I have indeed, checked frame by frame, to see that technically it has not fully disappeared once Crowley himself is visible. It's really close though!

Okay, back to when we get a closer view of Crowley on his initial profile view.

Crowley has his back to the bench. He has his elbow on the arm rest. He has his line of sight directed at the newspaper as if reading it. Those are 3 possible earthly object touches right there. Crowley is holding the back of the newspaper with only two visible fingers. They are the index finger and the middle finger. Only the index finger is showing its tip. That's not enough to receive credit for touching the newspaper physically as an earthly object yet. He'll get that later, when he wants it done. The other two partly visible fingers on the front are probably significant as well.

For the record, I do not like talking about the pockets as frequently or to the extent that I do. I talk about them because I've noticed they are important. They irk me because they are the hardest part of these games for me, at the present moment. I am downright incapable of solving The Pocket Trick to my own satisfaction. A key mechanic in that Trick is the use of word play. Another is to use one's imagination.

One of the first things to know here about Crowley's super advanced play in Earthly Objects and pockets is that his tie strands are connected to his hands because they are his Tied Hands. It's actually really funny when it sinks in, but it does make the game so, so hard. These silly cute Tied Hands have thumbs. The thumbs are the tassels, so the tips of those tassels are the thumb tips.

Thumb tips matter for Door Mode.

Due to Crowley's posture, there is a pocket between his right arm and the bench itself. His right jacket sleeve is open enough that there is yet another evident pocket existing between his shirt sleeve and his jacket sleeve. This pocket is the key one of interest to me because the newspaper touches it. Even so, there is still another pocket formed between the newspaper, Crowley's right hand, and his clothing that the newspaper touches so long as a breeze isn't messing with it.

Those tassel tips I mentioned earlier...are on his pants. That's why I'm spending so much time on this part by the way. There's some metal thing sticking out that only ever sticks out here touching the vest. The belt is his Belt Head, which the vest does like to touch at other times. So, if this metal is somehow the buckle from the belt—since I can't see it being the tie or anything else, that's probably supposed to be its "tongue" while the other visible part of the snake on the belt is pocketed between the vest tips.

Update 08/03/2024: After going over this scene thoroughly months later, I can now see this metal thing is probably the lower metal part of the clasp for this strand. It's so hard to tell with the lighting and the tassel sticking out from it. The tassel could be bunched together then hidden behind the vest, then peeking out again. Here is a color-coded image of this possibility:

The red would be the metal parts of the clasp. The green would be the tassel. The black is the vest near this area. The part between the red that is not color-coded is some small extra part that connects these metal parts. I've also lowered the opacity on the overall screenshot. The color-coded parts are layered over it. I'm honestly still not sure this setup is exactly as I speculate; it just seems the more likely scenario at this point, after months of studying these scenes. For reference, here is another image of what the clasps and tassels look like from the front as I tried to figure out the possibility with lighting and angles.

End update.

Based on how the game plays itself, the Belt Head is helping the Tied Hands in ways beyond my comprehension, so Crowley can take advantage of pockets. What? Do they need belt assistance to be tied because he's sitting down and the watch is not on screen? Somewhere in here is Door Mode on the clothing, channeling its way through pocket imagination powers, so that all of the apparel can work together and give Crowley his newspaper door.

Apparently, this method requires the watch to not be visibly on screen for now. I really want to know what the watch's job is for silly pocket mechanics.

Oh, and I almost forgot. Check out the self-made pocket of hair since we have an active Belt Head messing with things:

Yeah, sure, could be nothing, but The Pocket Trick is really, really intentional about these types of things, and even though this scene is not one of the touches in The Pocket Trick, pockets are still relevant. I mainly suspect such things because of those tassel tips.

Even some of his hair is pocketing the collar of his jacket. The profile shot is so precise, none of the left part of his sunglasses can be seen.

While we're at it, Crowley's sitting really still. He'll be standing really still later in episode 6 with a more obvious pocket touch for The Door Trick. Said Trick is another big part of why I'm noting so much about the pockets by the way. It also has a self-made pocket of hair visible in the first cut.

Update 08/03/2024: I have gone over this scene cut by cut with a long list of what to look for in my attempt to figure out how retying works. Because of how I progress in the puzzles over time and for simplicity's sake, I am not going to give every painstaking detail here. I will say that if my notes are correct, the tying sequence goes something like the following. The Tied Hands are tied 8 times during this entire scene. They also switch which hand they are connected to 3 of those times. He uses reflection connections and Shax's lapels to make these switches. More can be found in visual form here: Park Reflections. I have long suspected retying is required for crossing every threshold but been unable to recognize them because one of its key clues is a "joint" or a "hinge". The obvious such key is the one I've looked for of a metal part of a clasp striking a lapel edge. Well, it doesn't have to be just that. An actual thumb joint, especially Crowley's left thumb CMC joint, can accomplish this same task. For instance, here at the park, the left thumb CMC joint presumably qualifies as at the edge of the newspaper in the opening back shot of Crowley. Even though it's not clear at first glance due to the distance, I can take in numerous other clues of the scene, such as the large reflections in the lake and the rainbow that tying is already done. If I zoom, I can then find the face of the watch and a very good guess at where the left thumb CMC joint is. I still can't confirm retying happens for crossing every threshold, but current studies suggest it is likely or will have some further puzzles where I'm supposed to figure out the method in use or why it might be exempt. The below notes will remark on things I noticed about the tying, the connections, and the reflections, without quite getting the full process in motion because I did not break down the scene cut by cut with extensive notes to myself to figure out such things back when this post was first published. End update.

Okay, that's enough about pockets. Finally! They'll be mentioned later but not to this extent.

...

During the scene after Shax shows up, Crowley's going to touch some mail. We'll see his shoes on the ground at one point. A notable earthly object touch is the first one he gets when Shax shows up after he pulls the newspaper down. He's going to see himself in the mirror. Crowley does not see the way humans see most of the time. He senses with his eyes. But a mirror's actual literal function on Earth is generally to look at yourself, or something of interest.

One of the ways Crowley can and does see is if someone—or something, is deliberately showing him an earthly object. So, by Shax holding the mirror and Crowley intentionally looking at it, with its general actual function, he theoretically sees himself.

That's helpful to him because based on his actions during the story, he doesn't sense that the sideburns themselves have changed length when they do, even if he's using them to manage his space. He checks by looking in the mirror if possible and necessary, notably in his car. Catching when he might be looking at all is harder than this one part of this one scene. He is quite subtle about it. This game wants people to look closely to catch these types of things as they play and interpret the story.

The cut between Crowley holding the newspaper in profile view and pushing it down has him holding the newspaper differently with his fingers. That could be a suspicious chronology edit or it could be Crowley testing/managing the bounds of his created space or both.

...

You can see some of the sky and dark parts of trees reflected in Crowley's sunglasses. I consider that significant because it's a clue among several others that great care is taken to what is and is not reflected in his sunglasses during this story. You can find out more about why I think that's important here: The Window Trick Visual Representation.

...

Story Commentary

I don't know what the stillness does, but I suspect it is relevant because of how still Crowley is near the end of episode 6 when standing by the door to the car. My overall guess has been that it helps Crowley be sensed or seen since humans often don't actually approach him with the exception of Nina later. However, one human approaches him here before Shax will later arrive.

Due to how I play these games, Crowley's seeming listlessness here actually strikes me as more of a strategic move than what it looks like on the surface. He has his saturated streak. He has his sideburns. He had his newspaper door. He's messing with pockets without even putting actual hands in pants pockets yet. There was a rainbow. This sneaky snake is up to a lot, and he's hiding the extent of what that is from Shax and whoever else is reading him in the story.

When Crowley leaves, he will pass by Shax with him in the background. He is blurred, and there's something gold around where he's holding the newspaper, that is presumably his bills. After he passes Shax, you can't see the presumed bills anymore. Due to the angle? In this story, I'm skeptical, but yeah, could be. Crowley's going to be conveniently obscured many times throughout the season.

Based on this timeline rundown post, this scene could easily be out of order from the presented story. The sunlight and rainbow stuff is too confusing for me to understand in trying to figure out the time, but I think the idea this scene takes place out of order is a good, valid one. The basis from that post is the chimes I didn't notice on my own and wouldn't even know what they mean if I had noticed.

Not only that, in my watching the scene repeatedly to try and figure out what pocket mischief Crowley's up to next, I noticed the tie strands keep just swapping what side of the vest they are on in different cuts with no indication he moved to make them do that. It's not every cut, but it happens. He's a demon, so he could just do that because he wants to, of course.

The scene has ducks and some other birds. While some birds do appear when Crowley makes it rain in episode 3, animals are otherwise rather lacking in appearance once closer to Whickber Street and wherever Crowley parks his car when it's isolated.

The scene is nicely lit, thanks to the sunlight. We actually aren't going to see Crowley's hair this well lit for quite a bit of the story due to the other settings, especially the dimly lit bookshop.

That's it for this post. Way back when I started to track these things, I did have a tendency to update even these posts, so that could happen again, just FYI.

...

Past versions of this post:

Post #1 (meeting with Shax in St. James' Park)

Post #1 with mistake

...

Project inspired by these posts:

Crowley’s Sideburns & what do they mean?

Ok, I love this theory that it could be some sort ...

[davi-doo]

Durgetash - RP snippet #1

Pairing: M/M, The Dark Urge (default Dragonborn) x Enver Gortash

Rating: Mature

Summary: At one point in their relationship, the Bhaalspawn's father given urge was revealed to Gortash.

Author's note: This writing came from a rp I shared with my friend. Consequently, it has no continuous narrative, as we took turn to write each character in our style. Durge's parts were written by me, and Gortash's by @mcfallen-god.

The Dark Urge:

As warm blood soaked his hand, and the body on his lap grows cold by the second, Durge watches as the human quakes, choking on his last breath. The Bhaalspawn hears himself whispers his father name, sowing the fear for the Lord of Murder in his victim's fading consciousness. Binding his soul to Bhaal's realm.

The kill must bring instant gratification to his dark urge, as it hums in his father's content silence. But sometimes is wrong. He heard the clang as his holy blade hit the cold ground, as he must have dropped it. And through his blurry vision, he recognized the face of the one in his arms.

Enver Gortash. His souless dark eyes was still staring at him in utter horror.

***

The dragonborn wakes up in cold sweat. His blood red eyes dash across the room in a familiar panic, as he tries to take in as much of his surrounds as quickly as possible.

This is not...his father's temple, with its high celling, ever echoing scream of the tortured souls. It's a regular bedroom, with creamy wall and embroidered curtains. The pale blue light from the large window tells him they still have a few hours before sunrise.

The ordinary only managed to calm his anxiety for so long. Turning aside and throwing away the cover, the Bhaalspawn discovered his bedmate buried beneath the heavy blanket. Enver Gortash. His warm skin radiates heat, snoring softly in his blissful slumber. Holding down an emotional choke, Durge shoots up from the bed and rushes to find his belongings. He must leave and seek penance. Lest their union, no, their grand design ends in the Banite's blood.

Enver Gortash:

He is delightful whenever he is lucky enough to fill his bed with the presence of his one and only.

To feel his sleep watched over like this, it allows the grand Lord of Baldur's Gate to abandon himself to the deepest and most restful slumber.

However, Enver Gortash remains a man with a light sleep, and the little changes of weight on the bed, of warmth under the blankets or from the slightest, unnatural sound in his surroundings, he would wake up.

Thus, as Durge sits up and starts to move around the room, may he be as silent as Death itself, Gortash just feels it. Growling, twitching, he moves to the side where the dragonborn was laying when they fell asleep. As he has the confirmation he is now alone between the expensive sheets, he sits up and looks with fully awake eyes at the pale silhouette.

The white scales glowing mystically under the gaze of the moon. If he was less concerned by the reason making the other man move so fast, so quietly, and so in the middle of the night… Gortash would have just admired him for a bit longer.

"What are you doing? Didn't we pass the 'leave before you wake up' stage?" He asks, teasy, his voice husky with sleep and his hair kind of messed up.

As he feels how serious the situation was - he never saw this expression on the Bhaalspawn's features - Goratsh stands up with a frown.

"Durge.. what is it? What happened?"

The Dark Urge:

The dragonborn only stops on his track for a second when he heard his lover's voice. Still determined to ignore him, Durge quickly went back to throwing on his coat. But as the same voice called his name, his sense of urgency rapidly turns into anger.

How could this ever cunning Banite allow himself to be so careless? How could he allow things between them escalated into this tangled mess? How could Durge let his touch be the rewards for defying his father's principles?

"Enver! Do you want to die?! Without accomplishing anything?!" The dragonborn lashed out "If you don't, we must end whatever this is. Right now!"

The Bhaalspawn visibly trembles with effort and labored breath after saying his bit. But despite his forceful words, he can't find the heart to hold the other's eyes. So he crooked his head and turned away, hoping Gortash will take offend with his notoriously terrible temper.

Enver Gortash:

Something is definitely off and this all looks bad.

With a firm, but still calm and careful move, the human stands and steps until he can put a hand and grabs on the other's arm.

"Hey. What happened." He asks again, less a question than a command now. "Is that … Your god?"

Gortash is far from being stupid. He knows their respective gods may appear in their dreams or whisper their commands through the night. He is also far from being naive enough and thinks that: one, Bhaal is unaware of his 'son's' situation, and two, the god is most certainly disapproving it.

No, what Gortash doesn't understand is that sudden anger, that needs to flee. Durge is not the type to flee. There is nothing that would make him run away…

A mission? He would have just said so.

Why acting like he wants to have Gortash mad?

The human mind goes full speed from one thought to another, trying to figure out.

If Bhaal had ordered to kill Gortash… Durge would have said it. He would not have run like this…

It is something bigger, scarier.

"…. Talk to me." Gortash frowns, with seriousness.

The Dark Urge:

Durge closes his eyes and grits his teeth. The voice in his head is intimidatingly silent. He can only imagine his father's watching eyes, waiting for him to define his faith.

So the Banite wants to talk. Durge let out an annoyed snicker. With the facade of pragmatism, he knows how the kind of them are always hunger for new knowledge. They will steal, bribe and kill for a piece of useful information; they must exploit all the resources to establish their control. All to gain power over their subject. Even Durge knows their alliance and partnership is no exception for The Black Hand's doctrines.

Brushing of those fingers off his arm, the dragonborn turns back and face those seeking eyes at last. Should he choose to gain the Banite knowledge of his innate condition, he must be ready to slay him to the change of the wind. But perhaps, that will be the end of his agony.

"I am my father's flesh. His bloody hand carved me from his carcass. My body is his to act on. I can't die unless it's his will." the dragonborn speaks with hushed voice but no less solemnly, looking down at the smaller human with a clear intention to intimidate.

"What do you think drives us killer's blade? Hatred? Anger? Pleasure? " He steps closer with each stabbing words, "No, it's will from the Murder Lord himself. We praise it, honor it. But we have no say over it...Not without facing His wrath anyways."

Somewhere in his grim expression, or the tension across his towering frame, Gortash can sense a faint stroke of remorse. But it passes as quickly as a breath, and the Bhaalspawn speaks again before he can protest:

"If my father wants you dead." The dragonborn put his claw over the human's beating heart, "There's no stopping me from killing you. Not my reason, nor your binding oath."

Enver Gortash:

He doesn't resist and lets go of the arm, stepping a step backward to let the dragonborn turn and look at him.

He lets him speak with the greatest and most serious interest.

Though, his expression soon shows how he starts to understand what it is all about.

His frown goes deeper and something in his body just goes steadier.

"…" He feels he has no turn to speak as Durge stressed his lineage, but it feels itchy to the human.

However, he frowns deeper, giving to his eyes - already dark in the dim light - the impression of a deep, gleaming black color.

He won't step back. He won't back off in front of Bhaal - because yes, he considers the one talking is more the god than the spawn. Though, his mind still gets ready to jump and grabs the dagger he keeps by his bedside table. Just in case.

Though, the proximity with that body he knows already way too well feels too familiar and that hand on bis chest, supposedly a thread, it feels more like a plea, an apology, and a confession.

Gortash looks with a tilted head into those eyes and beyond, then he sighs. Holding the dragonborn's hand over his chest, he speaks as much to the Bhaalspawn as to the god himself.

"I can figure out your god might feel threatened by an ally as I am, but standing under the command of another patron. However.." He stares straight through Durge now. "Your god might know I am way more useful alive than dead. As I know no one is able to do as I am. You need my influence and my power, for your goal, aren't you?" It sounds like Gortash is speaking to Bhaal, in case the god does listen.

"If a little filth and pleasure frighten Him so much.." He slides his fingers between Durge's. "He might have little faith in his own spawn and choices."

He kisses the palm.

"If he insists on having me dead, he will bring prejudice to himself first, I am just saying."

The Dark Urge:

Durges stares at his lover in disbelief. He can sense no hesitation, no fear for one's own survival. And the worst of all, no disappointment nor distrust.

And when those lips tickle his palm, he feels like there's a boulder crushing on his heart. This damned affliction that ever compels him to scratch open his chest - it only grows stronger by the days. For the longer he allows himself to gaze upon this mortal. And the more often the mortal smiles back.

"You're a cat, dancing on a too narrow fence. One day you will fall, and won't land on your feet. My blade will dive in your gut in the end, and you will curse all the days you have laid too close to death."

The dragonborn whispers, and Gortash can feel, and see his muscles relax. The hand that rejected him now seeks his face, gently caressing the scar on his chin in anticipation of a kiss.

Enver Gortash:

Gortash slides his own palm up to Durge's chest with that smile he ever only gave the dragonborn.

"I was made to dance on narrow fence, darling." He chuckles cheekily, indulging in the touch on his face.

"And even if in the end it's your blade that dives into my guts, I'll never curse the days that brought me so close to this Dark Urge." His hand move up, mirroring the Bhaalspawn's one, cupping the scaly jaw. After another moment looking into those glowing red eyes, he pulls and moves on to kiss the dragonborn. His gesture is gentle, soft, his palm caressing down Durge’s chin; yet those fingers are still holding on that jaw; demanding, possessive.

"You and I," he growls to the thin lips. "We are made to do great things." Ambition and arousal are sparkling in his eyes. Power always puts this look on his face, and they both know how Durge is the only one Gortash allows to stand beside him, rather than crushed beneath his feet.

"Now, what would you think, using that Dark Urge for something as good as killing, but far less definitive?" He whispers.

His both hands trace circles on the scaly chest, sliding up to lock the dragonborn in an embrace; he leans closer, to whisper into the other’s ear. “I could even let you be on top of me for once…” He nuzzles on the softest part of Durge’s skin; under his jaw, kissing it, biting it.

(To be continued)

[princelylove]

Time escapes Leone.

To say ‘escape’ is to say he once had a firm grip on it. Perhaps it would be better to say it evades him.

No, it vexes him. It hinders him, it goes out of its way to torture, no, to torment him. Leone feels time slip through his fingers- sand pools in his palms, and despite his efforts, it still finds a way to slip out. The sand never gets under his nails, never makes its home in the cracks of his hands, it only appears and disappears. 

He’s had that dream for as long as he can remember. The ending has never changed. He suffocates under the sand, and yet he clings to it- it’s better if he can just hold on, he thinks. 

Anything before his… ‘incident’ is blurry. He’s tried to go back, but Moody Blues plays nothing but static. Even his own stand hates him, it refuses to obey him, refuses to play anything he wants to see. 

Nobody wants to see the moment their beloved decided to leave them. Nobody wants to see how assured they were, how their shoulders released so much tension the second they got out. It’s all the damn thing will play.

Moody Blues whirs as the scene- the same fucking scene- plays. Leone’s always hated the lack of emotion in Moody Blues- its face is empty, without any distinct features besides from the ridge of its nose, and its soulless eyes. Of course Leone’s stand would look soulless. The only real feature is the screen on its forehead, the number is overkill at this point. Who cares about the time you left him? He doesn’t plan on making a countdown or celebrating the anniversary down to the millisecond. Yay, my darling left me in three, two, one, happy divorce! 

A better term would be ‘breakup’ but Leone thinks ‘divorce’ is less embarrassing, somehow. It’s more mature. ‘Breakup’ makes him feel like a teenager getting dumped for the first time. He’d drink about it then, he’d drink about it now.

You probably preferred me when I was gentle. That’s why you left. Because I was a brute that couldn’t keep it in his pants, couldn’t say the right things, couldn’t keep you happy… 

Leone takes another swig from the bottle on his lap, and instead of a familiar splash as he puts the bottle back, he’s met with silence. Two down, however much is left in the cabinet to go.

I thought you liked my voice. Thought you liked deep sounds because it reminded you of me. God, that’s moronic… 

He pops open his second- or maybe fourth, he’s not sure, bottle of wine. He’s been drinking water too, not that he deserves it, but wine has always been here when nothing else has. 

Are you claustrophobic…? It’s not like I kept you in my room, you could go anywhere but his room or the balcony.

The first sip is always the best, his lipstick often ruins the bottle- why he doesn’t just pour it out into a proper glass is obvious, a brute like him doesn’t deserve the privilege of a real glass. He doesn’t want to defile it like he’s done to you- although he’d use the word desecrate. 

Don’t you enjoy confinement? Don’t you enjoy not thinking all the time? I would’ve killed for a situation like that when I was younger.

He fumbles with the bottle, and drops it. The wine spills all over his legs and the nice rug under him. There’s a little left in the bottle- it’s salvageable, in Leone’s eyes, he immediately takes a sip of what’s left of it- but he gets off of his ass to clean it up. 

God. He’s not a good caretaker, can barely take care of himself. No wonder you didn’t wanna stick around. Stupid to think you’d want a guy like him to take care of you, to do the thinking, can barely stand up by himself without wobbling like an idiot.

It takes a while to clean up his mess. Leone takes the opportunity to wash his face- rinse, really, the makeup didn’t come off at all- and spends the next couple of minutes staring at himself in the mirror. Pathetic man…..

Once he’s done treating the rug, he goes into his kitchen, and just sort of stares at the wine cabinet. It’s empty. His last chance at relief, and he wasted it. God must think this is all just a big joke. 

[melancholy-marionette]

A Note On LOVESTARVED's Warnings/Triggers

(sound on to hear voice acting :3)

Okay, so maybe more like a ramble than a note, but still x3

I'm probably just being paranoid here, but I wanted to mention a side note on the warnings & triggers for LOVESTARVED because I worry somewhat that they make the content sound much worse than it actually is >.<

I mainly just wanted to say that while the story does contain horror elements within the romance, it is still, at its heart, romance.

Yes, it's kinda twisted and a little messed up, but it's still a love story that's got plenty of cute and cosy moments too x3

Heck, when I was trying to describe the atmosphere I was aiming for to @lazypolarbearart so that we could be on the same page with the writing and the art, I said to her that it was supposed to be cosy and kind of incubating. Like you're stuck somewhere dark, but you're almost not worried about it because it's like being trapped in a big warm bubble that you don't really want to leave because it's comforting and less scary than what's outside, haha.

I always have this fear that maybe that side of things doesn't come across very well in my announcement posts or the itch pages of the games that I make >.< 

If I'm being completely honest, I don't really know how to strike the right sort of balance between warning people about potentially sensitive content VS accidentally spoiling things + talking about horror-related content VS romantic content when both intermingle in the same project + just generally being caught between saying too much or holding stuff back. Everything seems so blurry and messy to me :( Like it's all one giant grey area, but no matter what I do to try and clarify things, it will be detrimental somehow.

For example, in the LOVESTARVED demo (and eventually the full game) it's possible to romance Erys in a way that avoids any horror-type scenes even happening! Things can be super sweet with the yandere traits appearing soft... or seriously screwed up with things being much darker. It all depends on the player's choices, and the mildly sexual content that's in there is completely avoidable.

(sorry, I couldn't resist x3)

That's what's so great about visual novels as a genre :D Your choices can change so much about what happens throughout the course of a story :3

It's just I struggle to know how to describe my games while keeping potential players safe and not putting people off x3

Content warnings should absolutely be there so that people can make an informed decision about whether or not to play, but my big worry is that they make things sound scarier than they are. It's like expecting something awful to happen & for things to be grim before even having a chance to form an opinion if you read through the big list of warnings >.<

I feel like that creates a double problem because: A - If you're a horror fan and actually looking for creepy content, the warnings might sort of oversell stuff in a sense, leaving you somewhat disappointed that half of the things listed were only briefly featured. Or if you decided not to read the warnings because you're confident you'd be fine, you might wonder afterwards why there was such a long list there in the first place.

B - If you're worried about 1 or 2 specific things but are generally fine with horror-related aspects, you might avoid something unnecessarily because it sounds so much worse on paper than it is in reality.

It's not a completely unfounded fear either, as I've had players say to me in the past that X game looks cool, but they read the warnings, and have decided not to play that particular one because it sounds too scary (The Hostage & Dawn of the Damned are the ones I seem to get that with most!), but then they've later changed their mind, decided to check out the game, and then told me that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as they were expecting it to be and they enjoyed it in the end :3

I would never want to end up accidentally hurting anyone with the stories I put out there in the wild >.< It's important that people are able to make decisions that can keep themselves safe. But it saddens me that sometimes having so many content warnings on horror-related romance projects can make them seem so much worse than they are.

Anyways, I'm probably overthinking things as usual x3 My stupid brain is messed up right now from the lack of sleep during the jam, but it's gone all hyper instead of calming the heck down >.>

I don't know if anyone will read this or understand where I'm coming from x3 but I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest because it's been bothering me every time I release a new game with a love interest that has yandere traits, haha.

I personally don't think any of my games are particularly scary! And in most of them that feature romance with a yandere LI, things are coming from a place of genuine love. It may be darker, deeper, more intense love… possibly not even the healthiest kind, depending on the character in question >.< but it's love nonetheless.

I just wish there was a better way to show that than I currently know how because right now, I'm concerned that some of my games look like horror games with nothing sweet in-store when really, a lot of them are more like romance games wearing a creepy Halloween costume x3

Feel free to poke me if you have any ideas/experience/thoughts on how to tackle this sorta stuff :3

[kamiversee]

okay so^.^ remember that angst blurb i submitted here that one time where gojo dies and she’s crying over him? now that I know part of the truth i was thinking more on it and it is so depressing.

imagine hes all bloody, suffering on the hard cold concrete floor of the sidewalk while its pouring outside. You could care less as you sit there amongst gojo’s half lifeless body. He’s still conscious but in a very bad state. Deep down you knew this was going to be the last time you saw him but your heart still clung to some hope. “Satoru, p-please just hang on! Help will be here soon!” You were choking back tears as you held his cold weak hand in both of yours. Satoru himself was trying his best to hold back the tears pricking his beautiful blue eyes. He flashed a small smile at you, despite how bad he was hurting, he still wanted to make you feel like he was okay. He gathered the few strength he had left in his right arm and placed a wet cold hand on your puffy red cheek. “Its..going to be okay, Sweets.” He was barely able to mutter out those few words and he still had so much he wanted, no, needed to tell you. You shook your head at him. “You’re going to be okay. Y-you just need to hang on a while longer. Please, just a bit more.” You were drenched from the rain and you had started to get hiccups from how cold it was but, you didn’t care. Satoru needed you. You needed him.

Gojo let out a soft chuckle. “I-I think it’s over for me, Sweets.” A tear had began to roll down his cheek and he could feel himself slipping away from reality. He knew he only had a few minutes left but he needed to hold on. He needed to stay awake a little longer. For you. You shook your head and squeezed his hand harder. “You cant. Please, Satoru. I need you.” His eyes went soft and his grip on your cheek tightened slightly. “You dont need me, Sweetheart. You’ll be fine.” He gave you a sympathetic smile. His vision went blurry for a second before he forced his eyes to refocus. Shit. He really needed to make this fast.

“Sweets, listen. I love you s’much. I’m sorry we couldn’t have the love story we deserved but I want you to know that if it was up to me, I would have never chosen for us to fall in love the way we did. I would have wanted us to find eachother normally and experience pure innocent love without anything in our way. I didn’t make that list, love. I would never have chosen to put you through any of that and it hurt me having to do so.” Your eyes widened a bit, listening to possibly the last words you’ll ever hear from the man you once knew as your blackmailer. Well, he wasn’t really your blackmailer anymore, was he?

Gojo’s thumb wiped one of your tears away as he continued. “I don’t want to die knowing that you still believed I was the one at fault for the list. It wasn’t my doing and it never would have been. The only thing I am guilty of is loving you because in a way, that’s what caused this whole mess. But never will I regret any of it because loving you was the best thing that has ever happened to me….I love you, Sweets.” Your eyes scanned his face, searching for more as fat globs of tears rolled down your cheeks. You felt gojo’s left hand start to feel light as his other one slowly slipped off your cheek. You were snapped back to reality as you shook both of Satoru’s shoulders. “Satoru! Satoru! Please, answer me! No, no, no! SATORU!”

You continued to yell his name until you gave out and laid your head on his chest, sobbing and whispering out his name. The rain drenched the both of you as you laid there with him. No one ever came, the rain never stopped, and worst of all..satoru never woke up.

“I love you too, Toru.” Words that he would never hear because you said them far too late..

(SORRY THIS WAS KINDA LONG BUT I HAD TO UPDATE MY PAST BLURB SINCE WE KNOW PART OF THE TRUTH NOW. It isnt really that sad either and kinda rushed since I’m half asleep right now =.= butt its a fun little imagine either way!><)

(and i wanted to mention sukuna’s name but it was kind of awkward so i js left it like that^.^)

and hope i’m not bothering you !! just wanted to share this one with you since you loved the last one^.^

-🥹

Almost made me write a second segment to this but with Sukuna being the person who caused Gojo to be in this state 😀

I’m not joking, I stared into space for a good 20mins after reading this… BUT i can’t write a second part without spoiling things UGH.

Anywho, this is so amazing, ily, I love angst, I love this. Lowkey thought abt making a whatif… Gojo died BUT, who’s gonna read thaaat? 😅😅😅 (Im still considering it LMAO)

[hansel-and-gretel]

Perpetual Emptiness

This is a small TMNT2012 OC story I came up with listening to ''Abbey'' by Mitski. I recommend listening that while you read. This is my first fic I've ever written so if you wants to leave tips to help you're welcome to do so! I didn't proof read so there may be spelling mistakes, anyway I hope you enjoy!

CW: Mentions of murder, and blood. Proceed with caution if you do not feel comfortable with those topics.

Dot knew this feeling, it had happened many times before and went away the next day. She didn’t know why it had stayed this time. She should feel scared, and she thinks she does, she can’t bring herself to care enough to feel it.

Her limbs have felt heavy since, she can manage, she thinks. It’s happened before and she got through it, it shouldn’t matter that it’s been longer than normal.

It’s been a few weeks and this is starting to affect her relationships. She hasn’t talked with her friends, or the turtles. She doesn’t feel like it, it’s too hard to type and think of words to talk, speaking is of the same difficultly, her words have been forced and quiet. She doesn’t remember the last time she did anything other sit and daydream or lay in bed on her phone, or visit her aunt, or just take a walk.

She’s been more vulgar lately; her words have become harsh and rude. She doesn’t have to strength to keep appeasing the others with lies of kindness she truly hasn’t felt in a long time. She mostly stops speaking, for she still does want company and friends; even if they are too much for her to handle and the more she stays with them the more she comes to hate them. She won’t talk with April, she isn’t open to losing that friend and possibly the turtles and Casey if she says something mean.

It’s a little noticeable that she cares less for things around her; the news of someone nearly killing a Purple Dragon for an attempted mugging was about her. She didn’t care for them and even less so when they tried to hurt her; she feels nothing for them. She’s not sure she feels anything for anyone anymore. It’s hard to pretend now, the last she remembers feeling sad, happy, or mad, or anything was during the last fight against some Foot Bots. One had managed to knock out Donatello and everything was felt at once; she’s sure she used all her strength to fight after that, she felt accomplished then, but now she wonders if it was worth it. Will she be able to feel or care again? She’s fought alongside the turtles since she began feeling endlessly tired, she was hurt and cut multiple times that day yet she didn’t feel it until Mikey pointed it out. Dot doesn’t remember a lot, the jokes Mikey makes aren’t funny anymore, Casey and Raph are just plain annoying, Leo is boring, and Donnie doesn’t make her happy anymore. It’s not their fault, she tries to keep the friendship, she won’t talk as much, but that never seemed to bother anyone. 

She wonders now if she made a mistake. She was with the turtles when it happened; they were ambushed by Rahzah and Fishface. The memory is blurry, but she remembers blood and the horrified faces of the turtles; Rahzah ran when she stabbed Fishface, she didn’t stop until she couldn’t make out his head from the bloody mess on the ground. It was the first time she did something like that, she doesn’t feel bad about it; in her eyes it’s justified. He attacked her and she just fought back. She doesn’t think she meant to go as far as she did but she can’t change it now.

The turtles won’t answer her calls or texts. She understands it’s hard to witness what she did, but she thinks at least telling her if they still want her around anymore would be nice. She wants the closure like with her last friendship, Iris doesn’t talk with her anymore, she reads their text and knows it was playful angry comment, she didn’t mean like that but she can’t have him back. April and Casey avoid her and won’t answer either; it hurts to know she has lost more friends, and its not just one this time.

Eventually she stops texting and calling after a short ‘’I’m sorry” text and makes her T-phone self-destruct. She won’t bother them anymore, they don’t want her near them; it makes her feel like a freak for not feeling anything. She hates her heavy limbs, she hates her very existence. She hates, and she hates. And maybe that’s why she'll stay alone.

[19871997]

my favorite is probably Marchand/bergeron, because it’s so so loving but also they’re like crazy hot for each other? Love a long term relationship where the couple still can’t stop touching each other!

but also I will say my eyes have been opened recently to Nate + Cale and mmmmm yeah I’m into it, I see it, I see the vision. Sometimes a shy twink needs a fridge with a gorgeous nose to pin him down and I think that’s beautiful

there's a very recent bereron/marchand fic thats so SO damn good and another one i read recently that did the blurry lines thing so damn well theyre such a good vehicle for that kind of relationship to me where they know they mean so much to eachtoerh. but what if. desperately wish there was more AND NATECALEEEEE oughhhh natecale. big big fan of them desperately wish more people made cale less shy/insecure. maybe give nate some insecurities..? maybe give them some hm. youre hot and i want to kiss you and sneak into your room on roadtrips and kiss you in your stupid gwagon but i dont know if its a good idea for us to be in a relationship, right? because gabe's out and we're the leaders of the room for now w mikko and we dont want to mess that up. right? and i like him so much, and i'd keep the parts of him i get (sneaking into eachother rooms like theyre teenagers, crashing into him after scoring on the powerplay, kissing down his happy trail and watching his thighs shiver) than push for more and risk losing it all and risk it blowing up in our faces.

hrpf. ?