#its with the intention of getting her back

[azzibuckets]

For the Love of the Game [Pazzi | Part 8]

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

summary: in which the “fake” in fake dating starts to rear its ugly head

a/n: probably the most painful thing i’ve ever written

word count: 2.2k

masterlist w/ all parts

“How was practice?”

Azzi gently stirred the mug of hot chocolate as she carefully brought it over to Paige, who accepted it with a grateful smile.

“Pretty good. Worked on our box and one defense.” Paige brought the mug to her lips but Azzi halted her, leaning over to blow on the steaming liquid first. “Careful. It’s hot.”

The younger girl took a seat on the couch, bringing Paige’s feet onto her lap. This is how their past few nights had looked like - Azzi rubbing Paige’s legs while recounting practice detail by detail, from the conditioning to the drills to the scrimmages. It was slightly exhausting giving such a complete run down of their entire three hour practice, especially since Paige tended to asked questions that seemed irrelevant, making the whole spiel last even longer, but from the way the blonde listened intently, Azzi knew that this was how she was coping.

So these days she’d found herself stopping to take notes during practice, of important things that Geno said or observations she made of their plays, so that Paige would have something interesting to hear about.

“That’s good.” Paige pressed the heel of her foot against Azzi’s thigh, sending her a soft smile. “I missed you today.”

Azzi pinched Paige’s skin, a playful grin on her face. “You just saw me yesterday.”

“I know, but it’s not enough. It gets so lonely in here. Going outside is so tiring with crutches and shit.” Paige leaned her head back, breathing hard. When Azzi didn’t respond, only comfortingly patting her leg, she took it as a sign to continue. “I can’t even hang out with the girls no more because I feel like I’m dragging everyone behind, pathetically limping and trying to catch up.” Paige was on a rant now, her pent up anger seeping through her words. “But then I can’t go out alone, cuz sometimes people will start swarming me like I’m an animal at a zoo, and I can’t even escape because of my stupid leg.”

Paige was heaving now, and she was surprised when she looked down and saw that a wet drop had fallen on the collar of her shirt. Touching her cheek with her fingertips, she’d realized that tears had started to fall. “This is so stupid,” Paige grumbled. “I don’t know why I’m getting emotional over this shit.”

“Hey.” Azzi’s voice was gentle, a soothing balm to Paige’s wounds. “It’s not stupid. I get what you mean. I tore my ACL in high school. People always talk about the obvious struggles like not being able to play and stuff, but they don’t know about all these little things that make even daily life so hard.” She gently swiped her thumb over a tear rolling down Paige’s cheek. “I might have a solution to your problems, though.”

“What?” Paige perked up, suddenly interested.

Azzi smirked. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

————————

The next day, when Azzi opened the door of Paige’s apartment with the key that she’d been gifted, she came with a shiny wheelchair in tow.

She heard Paige moving around in the bathroom, so she rushed to hide the wheelchair behind the couch before the blonde could step out. The water from the faucet started running, and soon Paige limped out on her crutches.

“Oh my god, you scared me for a second,” Paige laughed.

Azzi slowly winded her arms around the older girl’s waist. “Guess what?”

Paige kissed the corner of Azzi’s mouth, trying to calm her heart that was now racing just from seeing the girl. “What?” But Azzi didn’t respond. She merely grabbed Paige’s crutches with one hand while supporting her waist with the other. She tossed them to the side, laughing at the confusion on Paige’s face.

“Are you gonna magically heal my knee?” Paige asked sarcastically, gripping into Azzi’s elbow for dear life.

“Nope. But today we’re going out, and all you’ll need is this.” Azzi slowly guided Paige to the couch, where she pointed at the wheelchair.

The blonde’s eyes widened. “No way!”

“Yes, way.” Azzi made sure Paige was steadily holding on to the couch before jogging to retrieve the wheelchair. “When I tore my ACL I had the same issue. I felt all pent up in my room but crutches were way too big of a nuisance. So my dad surprised me with a wheelchair and he’d just take me to the park and stuff so I could get some fresh air without having to hobble everywhere.”

Paige situated herself into the wheelchair, still in disbelief at the kind gesture. She felt Azzi run her hands through her hair, collecting and bringing it back, exposing the nape of her neck for her to brush her lips against. “Ready?” she murmured against her skin.

“Fuck yes.”

————————-

Paige never thought she’d be so happy to be in a wheelchair. But here she was, being pushed by Azzi around the Storrs campus, and she’d never felt so giddy.

At first, they walked quietly, without aim. Paige would occasionally point things out and Azzi would respond with a hum. Every so often Azzi would let her fingernails lightly scratch across Paige’s shoulders, a soft reminder of her presence, and both were content.

“Oh my god, Az. There’s ice cream.” Paige turned around and gave such adorable puppy eyes that the dark haired girl could only roll her eyes affectionately and give in. When Paige started quietly chanting, “I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream,” Azzi shook her head, marveling at how to everyone else, Paige as a big and intimidating all star athlete, but to Azzi, she was just a dork.

“You wanna share?” Paige asked, studying the menu with the most concentration and thoughtfulness that Azzi had ever seen from her.

“Only if we get mint chip.”

“So you like toothpaste. Gotcha.”

Azzi leaned down to whisper in her ear, “You weren’t saying that last night.” The blonde immediately blushed, recalling how while they’d brushed their teeth last night, Azzi had looked so gorgeous that she couldn’t help herself but kiss her right then and there. Azzi had shrieked and pushed her off, but Paige had chuckled, pressing another toothpastey kiss to her cheek.

But Paige quickly recovered. “Well, anything tastes good when it’s on your lips.” This time it was Azzi’s turn to blush furiously.

For the rest of their “walk,” Paige focused on slurping her ice cream cone, occasionally lifting it up for Azzi to take a bit.

“You ate basically all of it,” Azzi complained once Paige had popped the last piece of cone into her mouth.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you asking for a bite from all the way up there,” Paige mocked.

Azzi leaned over the back of the wheelchair, staring at Paige upside down. “You’re an idiot,” she’d laughed as she’d pressed her lips to Paige’s.

“Very nice,” Paige approved once they broke apart. “Like Spider-man.”

The girls heard a high-pitched squeal come from behind them, and they both turned around, surprised to see Leo barreling towards them.“That was so cute!” Paige looked down, noticing the camera in Leo’s hand. “But do you think you could redo that kiss, with everything exactly the same? My lens went out of focus so the video came out kinda blurry.”

“What?” Paige looked at Azzi to see if she was just as confused as they were, but Azzi was staring icily at Geno’s daughter, her jaw clenched and rigid.

“Uh, for the documentary?” Leo held up her camera, as if that explained everything. “Azzi, I knew I agreed not to come yet, but this was so great! I think after this we can just move onto the interviews. I won’t be needing any more content.”

“Leo,” Azzi said roughly, taking a menacing step towards her. “Please leave.”

“What?” The peppy brunette looked taken aback.

“No, don’t leave,” Paige interjected. She looked between the two of them in disbelief. “Does someone wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Now Leo looked confused. “Azzi? I thought you told her?”

“Fucking hell.” Azzi let go of the wheelchair, pressing her palms against her temples. “I was going to,” she mumbled. “I swear I was, but-”

“Someone tell me what the fuck is going on right now.” Paige heard her own voice, and it took even her by her surprise. She hadn’t used a tone so filled with malice and aggression against Azzi since before they’d started this whole thing, and right now that felt like decades ago.

Leo looked hesitantly at Azzi before saying softly, “Um, I know the truth about you guys. That you two aren’t actually dating.”

Panic rose up in Paige’s throat. “Fudd, you told her?”

“I didn’t tell her!” Azzi said quickly, her voice all nervous and high pitched. “She overheard one of our conversations and asked me about it.”

“But I told her I’d keep the secret to myself, including from my dad, as long as you guys would agree to keep doing my segment. It’s way too late into the semester to throw my whole project away,” Leo defended.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Azzi’s heart lurched at the wounded look in Paige’s eyes. She glanced at Leo. This was not the way she’d planned for this conversation to play out, in front of Leo and in public, with some people now staring at them.

“I-”

“Wait.” Paige interrupted. “So why is Leo here right now? Can someone explain that?”

Leo looked guiltily down at her camera, as if she’d just been caught red handed. “Well, you’ve been out with your ACL, so you haven’t really been around to help film for my doc. Which I totally understand, it’s really terrible what happened. But then I realized I was really running short on scenes, and they’re due in a week, so I asked Azzi if there was any chance that I could get any more candids of you guys.” A headache was starting to form behind Paige’s eyes, throbbing and threatening to split her skull. “Azzi texted back and said that she was taking you around campus today, and that I could come get some shots if I wanted,” Leo finished, staring at the ground.

“I told you that you could get some shots after I gave you the say so.” Azzi spit, her eyebrows drawn together in fury as she glared at Leo. “Not whenever the fuck you wanted, just following us like creeps.” Azzi leaned down until she was eye to eye with Paige. “Listen, P. I was planning on telling you that Leo knew. And I was planning on asking you for permission for her to come take some shots at the end of the day, so that she’d have enough to turn in. I was planning on doing all this before Leo came, but I forgot.” Azzi’s voice came out patched and broken. “I swear I wouldn’t have let her if you’d said no.”

Paige‘s knuckles clenched tight, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hand so hard that she started to draw blood. Of course.

Why else would Azzi show up to her apartment with this godforsaken wheelchair, with that stupid big grin of hers, and offer to spend her entire day pushing Paige around like a servant? Azzi hadn’t cared that Paige had opened up to her, been vulnerable to her about how difficult it had been to be stuck on crutches, helpless and incapable. No, she’d wheeled Paige around in order to look like a hero, to look like the model girlfriend in front of Leo’s dumbass cameras, motivated to save her own ass from being kicked off the Europe trip.

All of the times Azzi had shown up to her apartment, groceries in hand, had stayed for a movie and fallen asleep on Paige’s shoulder? Those moments had meant everything to Paige, and nothing to her. Paige cursed herself for letting her guard down, for letting herself fall in love with Azzi Fudd. For letting herself believe that they could be anything more than enemies.

She turned to Leo. “Take me home,” she demanded, her voice cold.

“Paige, wait.” Azzi scrambled furiously to stand in front of the wheelchair. “Please, you don’t understand.”

“Understand what? The fact that you know I have a hard time opening up to people, yet when I finally opened up to you about my insecurities about using crutches, you immediately took advantage of that?” Paige laughed, but it was bitter and hollow because right now, nothing was funny.

“That wasn’t my intention at all. You can’t-”

“You know what?” Paige interrupted. “I can’t even be mad at you. This is what we agreed to after all. Fake dating. Nothing less, nothing more.” She laughed bitterly. “In fact, I should thank you for being the reasonable one. For not being stupid enough to get your feelings involved like I did.” Paige bit the inside of her cheek so hard she could taste blood. “This was really a genius plan. Lugging the cripple around, getting her ice cream like she’s a poor child that needs to be saved. You’re smart, Fudd, I’ll give you that.” Paige hated it, the way Azzi was recoiling into herself because of her words, but she couldn’t think. She could only feel, and right now she was feeling a whole lot of hurt.

Leo nervously took ahold of Paige’s wheelchair.

“Paige, you don’t even know what you’re saying,” Azzi said. And apparently Paige was better at controlling her emotions than Azzi was, because Azzi was crying now, forcing words through her tears.

Paige cut her off again. “Save it.” She motioned for Leo to push, and they began heading in the opposite direction. “Don’t bother coming to my surgery.”

Paige hadn’t meant that. Oh god, she hadn’t meant that. They’d talked about her surgery just days earlier - Azzi had joked that she would fill up Paige’s entire apartment with stuffed animals to await her return; she’d joked that she’d show up to her hospital room from the first visiting hour and stay until the last, nagging and bothering Paige the entire time until Paige begged her to leave; she’d joked that she’d bring the biggest and brightest bouquet of flowers she could find so that she would outshine all the other measly attempts at flowers that people would bring. Paige had laughed, but in her head, she’d thought about how much she wouldn’t have minded if Azzi actually followed through with her words. About how the first face she wanted to see after her surgery was Azzi, and only Azzi. But she hadn’t said any of that, had instead giggled and swatted Azzi on the shoulder.

But now, the distance between them grew further and further, and it took Paige everything not to break apart right then and there.

[ratgrinders]

anyways ivy embra post because on god if she wont get the scenes in canon ill imagine it myself

Ivy and Oisin were friends in middle school. Oisin was still scrawny and hadn't had his growth spurt yet and Ivy hadn't yet gotten her braces taken off. They meet each other in some group project or club or whatever, the setting doesn't matter, but what happens is you have these two children with the inherent shittiness of middle schoolers who maybe haven't had the easiest time making friends because their passive aggressiveness is too aggressive, their barbs not hidden. And they act the same way with this new, kind of nerdy looking stranger they meet and find a kindred spirit. All of a sudden you're 12/13 years old with an outlet for all the shittalking about your classmates you want. You stick together like glue, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you two because they all fuckin suck anyway, and you finally found someone who isn't a wuss and can give as good as they take.

Oisin gets better at hiding it though, being raised by a long family line of evil dragons who have had to hide their connections in plain sight will do that to you. Ivy never lost that edge around her though.

The first day of classes Freshman Year at the Aguefort Adventuring Academy, Oisin's met with this group of randos, they seem competent enough, the tall sad one seems nice enough if a bit of a pushover and the small one with the ponytail seems to have her entire academic career planned out already. She's intent on the name the High Five Heroes, it's a pun, get it? Because there's five of them. But Oisin won't go anywhere without his best friend. He pulls Ivy over, and Ivy isn't having the best luck finding a party (she insults them saying why would she want to join a party with any of these losers anyway, when they're put off by one pointed comment too many). Oisin tells the others they could do well with a fighter, that they're sticking together. The tall one, the gnome, and the kobold don't seem to mind (or don't care), but the halfling seems to have swallowed a lemon. "Well, there's six of us now which throws off the entire point of the name, but that's fine! I don't care!" (she's stubborn and doesn't want to change it).

Ivy and Kipperlilly clash CONSTANTLY. Kipperlilly's specific brand of Type A nerdiness and uptightness clashes horrifically with Ivy's specific attitude of not giving a fuck and chronic need to get under people's skin. And yet, Kipperlilly's barely concealed rage and passive aggression leads that same realization Ivy had back in middle school, of having finally found a kindred spirit. If there's two things Kipperlilly and Ivy have in common, it's their initial impression driving most people away, and their need to externalize this jealousy and bad feelings as hatred and disdain for others. They LOVE gossiping. Ivy's always down to be a hater.

Corsica Jones, the fighter teacher, sees Ivy come in on the first day of classes, bow in hand, and is immediately reminded of the sister she lost, who is still missing. Every time she trains Ivy on her stance, on basic hand-to-hand, she's reminded of the times she taught her sister the very same things. She's worried, because Ivy always seems so closed off and not very engaged, so full of rage. Unfortunately Corsica's attempts to reach out and forge a connection are stopped in their infancy when instead the barbarian teacher takes an interest in her. "Well, at least she has support from someone on the faculty, even if it isn't me."

It's Oisin that kills her. They always go off as a pair anyway, and Oisin may have been acting off recently but who is she to judge a bit of anger. But a quick stab to the back, one Choice later, and all Ivy can think about is rage.

After the Mountains of Chaos, Ivy's disdain becomes Venomous. Suddenly its not fun gossip but outright Hatred, its saying words maximized for cruelty directly to the person's face, because there's a kind of sick vindication in hurting the people who rejected you for so long, even if they may not deserve it. She and Kipperlilly don't get along anymore, snide comments and petty jabs devolving into screaming matches and insults. She proposes the name Rat Grinders with Oisin, because her stubbornness at refusing to change the name isn't endearing anymore, and there are six of them, did you oppose me joining the party that badly? It's a bit funny to see her so worked up over a stupid party name, that kind of earnest childish straightforwardness of the High Five Heroes makes her gag. The Rat Grinders is a funny inside joke, and Ivy is not comfortable engaging anymore without that layer of irony. For some reason, it doesn't feel good in the same way to hurt Kipperlilly like this, it just leave a knot of frustration that rankles in her stomach, because why does she care so much??

When Lucy dies, she doesn't remember much. She remembers the realization at the choice she'd made, and the rage that followed. Afterwards, though, was a deep all consuming bitterness. Of course she wasn't coming back, little miss goody two shoes never had any intentions of following through and left the rest of us with the fallout. She never expected otherwise, and she refuses to mourn someone who did not give enough of a shit about them to come back. She doesn't think about how Lucy helped her bleach her hair, how she braided Lucy's in return. How Lucy's birthday was coming up and she bought her new clothes, how that bag will stay unopened in her room now.

When she dies on the floor of her high school gymnasium, desperately defending every callous insult she's made with her dying breath, her last moments are spent locking eyes with her best friend, who is looking on in horror. She thinks back to a similar scenario, last year, when that same friend saw her dying and did nothing. She thinks back to them in seventh grade, trading childish insults without any real weight. And then she doesn't think anything at all.

[fairyumii]

just a little stsg drabble i did for you guys <33

"Sugu! Look its a girl!"

"Satoru, are you stupid? You can't point at people its impolite!"

"Why is it just sitting there"

"I think she's crying.."

"Awww~, who made you cry?"

you just stared at them dumbfounded, you weren't even crying, you were lying on the grass as they hovered over you

"OH MY GOSH SUGU SHES SITTING UP"

"OH MY GOD SATORU SHUT THE HELL UP YOU'RE SCARING HER"

you carefully sat up and stared up at them

"H-hi!"

"Aww~! Your voice is so pretty. My name's Gojo !"

"My names Geto..."

"I'm Y/N !"

immediately you could tell the difference, Gojo was more laid back and playful while Geto was serious and well.... serious thats all. though you were different from them you guys established a strong friendship, standing up for each other, talking with each other, and basically doing everything with each other.

ପ꒰⑅•ᴗ•｡꒱໊੭━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚<33

usually people say "Every trio has a duo" this isn't the case for your friendship. with you guys everything is different, i wouldn't necessarily say that they're the duo but they are in a sense??? I mean like they usually make plans to do stuff and force you to join them not leaving you alone just not letting you make the decisions ( lmao im sorry i don't make sense im new to making these things :((( )

for example they'll make plans for a sleepover without telling you you then just drag you along, not caring if you wanna go or if dont wanna go

"Huh~? Why didn't you plan it with me~, I could've made time for you guys! Besides I already have plans :(( sorry...."

"...Ah, I see..."

"Nooooo, darling~ You can't cancel them?? For us??"

"Sorry 'Toru, I can't we've been planning this for dayss"

"...Can we come?"

"YEAHHH! CAN WE COME PLEASSEEE MAY WE???"

"Sugu~, it's girls onlyyy"

both their eyebrows furrow and just blankly look at you

"......."

"......."

".......what"

"Wellllll, guess what darling!! You are either going with us to this girls only shit orrrr you ditch them and come to our sleep overr"

Geto just nods to his words while crossing his arms

"Darling, you wouldn't ditch us for them would you? We prepared this for days and canceled our plans for this too!"

of course Geto was going to manipulate you into coming with them, after all you're just a dumb pretty thing right? They could easily manipulate you into moving in with them how hard could this be? Perhaps not...

"No, I always cancel plans for them just to be with you guys. I know you planned this for a long time but I haven't seen my friends in a long time... You could bring Nobara to the sleepover!!"

"I don't want Nobara...."

"Well I don't wanna cancel my plans Sugu... Sorry maybe another time?"

"No, Y/n I said either we're going WITH you or you come with US"

i mean its ok right?? You'll just bring them with you can get this over with! You can probably make them wait in the car? wait no, you can't you aren't that cold hearted but if you bring them to an all girls sleepover its going to be awkward... maybe you could ask your friend if they can sleep on the couch? I mean maybe its an exception

"Mmm... You can come with me then.. I have to ask my friend about it though"

"...Really?"

"Ah, ok then you can ask them now"

"Mmk..."

you picked up your phone and attempted to stand up to go call your friend

"No, stay here put her on speaker I wanna listen please"

you reluctantly sat down and called her putting her on speaker

"Hii, you ok Y/n?"

"Mhm... I was just going to ask you if I can bring two of my other friends over?"

"best friends"

"Oh yeah, I mean best friends.."

"Oh! Yes of course! The more the merrier!"

"...What if they were the opposite gender..."

you could hear the pause as you started sweating with Geto and Gojo intently stared at you

"U-uhm... It's an all girls sleepover though...its going to be a little weird"

...well this was awkward as hell, you stared at them and saw Gojo pout a little while Geto glared so hard at the phone you swore it would shatter

"I-I promise they won't be any trouble! They'll sleep on the couch"

"I wanna sleep with you though..."

"No, it's my turn Geto shut up"

"No you shut the fuck up"

"Y/n~ he sweared at mee~"

"...Are they in the room with you right now?"

oh fuck

"No? What do you mean?"

"I jus' heard something sorry... I mean, I guess if they're ok with sleeping on the couch then sure thing! Just don't tell anybody else I don't want a bunch of girls bringing boys now..."

"Oh! Thank you! I'll get you snacks!"

"You don't have to~ but come earlier I wanna show you something!"

"Oh! Ok I'll come like 20 minutes earlier?"

"Mm, perfect! Mmk Cya!"

"Byee Cyaa~!"

she hung up as you glanced at the time, 3 more hours until the sleepover you got up and put your phone on the table

"Uhmm, wanna come with me to go get snacks?"

"YES PLEASEE"

"Yeah, I wanna come with you"

ପ꒰⑅•ᴗ•｡꒱໊੭━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚<33

"Oh! Y/n you're- ... oh?"

she just nervously smiled staring at the men behind you glaring at her as you smiled at her seeming giddy

"Hii Aeri! Here, I picked some snacks out for you"

you handed her the bag as she let you guys enter, she just silently stared at the floor as you guys took off your shoes and put on your slippers

"U-uh, Y/n come! Lemme show you something!"

she said as she grabbed your wrist and dragged you somewhere, she seemed excited and happy, not noticing the men following you and her

"Y/NNNN I GOT A CAT LOOK ISN'T SHE CUTE? SHES THE SAME BREED AS YOURSS"

"OMG IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKS SIMI"

you bent down to pet it softly as she bent down next to you she picked it up and placed it in your arms

of course Geto and Gojo were annoyed that you were paying attention to a pesky animal besides they deserve your attention more all animals do are poo, eat, and sleep they didn't do anything to deserve your attention

ପ꒰⑅•ᴗ•｡꒱໊੭━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚<33

"Y/n"

"Y/n"

"Y/niee~"

"Darling wake up"

you groggily opened your eyes as you stared into bright blue eyes and black eyes (please dont ask me how you can see black eyes in the dark :(( )

"W-what are you guys doing here? You're supposed to be on the couch..."

"Can't sleep without you..."

"This idiot kept kicking me and snoring.... I want to sleep with you not him..."

"...."

"...."

"...."

you sat up and looked around you seeing the door open with the girls sprawled on the floor and bed

"Mm, m'kay"

you really didn't have any energy to argue with them and scold them about coming in the room which they were specifically told not to go in

AIUSHDKJSHDFJK JIM SO SORRY JMY HANDS HURT LIKE HELL IM GONNNA RIGHT A PART TWO LATER >:(((

[its-avalon-08]

Nico Rosberg x reader, age gap, she's at a GP. Jenson Button is her friend, and he introduced Nico with a "This is Britney!"

its britney bitch (nr6)

anon note : I forgot to clarify, about Nico x musician reader, the age gap she could be just 3-5 years younger than him....

The roar of the engines vibrated through your chest as you stood beside Jenson in the Monaco paddock. The air crackled with a mix of nervous energy and adrenaline, a feeling you were very familiar with despite not being the one behind the wheel. Jenson, your best friend since your teenage days in the McLaren Young Driver Programme, was gearing up for another shot at the podium.

"Alright (Y/N), ready for some action?" Jenson grinned, his usual infectious enthusiasm washing over you.

"Always," you replied, returning the smile. You weren't a driver yourself, but music was your track, and the high-octane world of Formula One was your melody. You were here not just to support Jenson, but also to perform at the after-race party.

Suddenly, Jenson nudged you with his elbow, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Speaking of action, check out this driver I want you to meet." He turned towards a tall blonde man walking towards them, his face etched with a determined focus.

"Hey Jenson," the man greeted, his voice surprisingly melodic for someone who seemed to live life in the fast lane.

"Nico, this is (Y/N)," Jenson said, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. "(Y/N), this is... Britney."

You blinked, thrown for a loop. Britney? A nickname for a championship contender like Nico Rosberg? Before you could question it, Jenson winked. You realised it was a reference to the good-natured paddock ribbing Nico often faced about his supposedly "pop star-ish" looks.

Nico, catching your surprised expression, chuckled, a hint of amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes. "Jenson's a comedian, don't mind him. I'm Nico." He extended a hand towards you, and you took it, surprised by the warmth that spread through your palm.

"Nice to meet you, Nico," you replied, your voice a touch breathless. There was something undeniably captivating about him, an aura of quiet intensity that hummed beneath the surface.

The conversation flowed easily, despite the age gap of four years between you. You discovered a shared passion for electronic music, Nico confessing a secret love for your latest album. He listened intently as you spoke about your upcoming performance, his blue eyes sparkling with genuine interest.

The playful banter between you and Nico was undeniable. You teased him about his "Britney" nickname, and he countered with a playful jab about your supposed rockstar lifestyle. The air crackled with a current that had nothing to do with the high-powered engines surrounding you.

By the time Jenson was called away for a pre-race briefing, you and Nico were lost in your own conversation, oblivious to the world around you. As you laughed at one of his witty remarks, a thrill shot through you. It was clear this wasn't just a casual paddock meet-and-greet; there was a spark, an undeniable connection.

The sound of roaring engines jolted you back to reality. The race was about to begin. You squeezed Nico's arm playfully. "Go get 'em, champ," you said, a teasing lilt in your voice.

Nico's smile widened, the amusement in his eyes deepening. "I will," he promised, his voice a low rumble. "But you better be ready to celebrate after I win. Maybe you can give me a private concert later?"

A blush crept up your cheeks, and you couldn't help but return the flirt. "We'll see how you perform, Nico Rosberg, or should I say Britney?"

The starting lights went out, and the roar of the crowd drowned out your playful banter. But as you watched Nico storm off to the grid, his focused expression masking the amusement you'd sparked in his eyes, you knew this was just the beginning of your story. The race might have been about speed, but the connection you'd felt with Nico Rosberg promised a different kind of exhilarating ride.

time skip

Weeks after the Monaco Grand Prix, the afterglow of your first meeting with Nico lingered. You exchanged playful texts, Nico inquiring about upcoming gigs and you sending him interview snippets praising his driving prowess. Finally, a free weekend between races offered the perfect opportunity to bridge the gap between the roar of the racetrack and the rhythmic pulse of your music.

Nico, ever the thrill-seeker, suggested a visit to his home track in Germany. Intrigued by the world that fueled his passion, you readily agreed. Stepping into the sterile white paddock felt like entering a different universe. The air hummed with the precise efficiency of a well-oiled machine, a stark contrast to the electric chaos of your backstage routine.

Nico, in his element, gave you a guided tour. He pointed out the meticulous engineering of his car, explaining the intricate dance between driver and machine that achieved such heart-stopping speeds. You listened with rapt attention, his technical jargon punctuated by bursts of laughter as you teased him about his "need for speed" addiction.

Later, as you sat by the pit lane, the setting sun casting an orange glow over the track, Nico's demeanor softened. He confessed the immense pressure that came with being a driver, the constant scrutiny, the relentless pursuit of victory. You, in turn, shared the challenges of the music industry, the fleeting fame, the vulnerability of pouring your soul into every song.

Suddenly, the differences between your worlds seemed to melt away. You both understood the exhilarating pressure of performing, the constant push to be the best, the vulnerability of putting your heart on display for the world to see. A comfortable silence settled between you, a shared understanding blooming beneath the vast, star-studded sky.

The evening continued at a cozy restaurant tucked away in a nearby town. You played him snippets of your new music on your phone, the raw emotion in your voice resonating with him. He, in turn, shared stories from the road, the camaraderie with his team, the adrenaline rush of a perfectly executed race. The conversation flowed effortlessly, punctuated by laughter and stolen glances that spoke volumes.

As the night drew to a close, standing outside his hotel, a comfortable silence settled. Neither of you wanted the night to end. Tentatively, Nico reached out, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. The touch sent shivers down your spine. He leaned in slowly, his eyes searching yours.

"This," he murmured, his voice husky, "might be riskier than any race I've ever driven."

You met him halfway, the kiss a delicious mix of excitement and newfound connection. The world of Formula One and the world of music might seem like polar opposites, but in that moment, under the soft glow of the streetlights, they felt like two sides of the same coin - a thrilling pursuit of passion, fueled by a connection that promised to be as exhilarating as the fastest race.

[hannahssimblr]

The trains roll along the tracks behind Michelle’s house in succession, one after another, iron wheels on iron tracks. They usually can’t be heard inside the house, but in the garden the sound of them mingles with the rustling of new leaves in the trees, the faint buzz of midges congregating beneath the canopies and catching the light just so, little glowing specs that almost remind me of fireflies.

It’s a day wasted indoors, that’s what Debra said before hauling a basket load of damp washing out onto the lawn, and that’s where she is now, pegging up bed linens as she keeps one paranoid eye upon the barbeque.

Michelle is cooking, prodding and turning the chicken skewers a bit too soon, but it doesn’t matter, because Debra insisted she would take them inside and put them in the oven afterwards anyway. She's got this fear that we’ll all go home with salmonella poisoning and waste precious exam study time being violently ill. 

Jen is nervous. The barbeque was her idea, a way for her to get closer to the girl she wants to ask to the debs without it seeming obvious about her intentions, so she’s hauled Michelle and I along to sit in and make conversation under the strict orders that if things go well then we should make an excuse and then conveniently disappear. 

I don’t know Hazel well from school, we were never in any classes together but I know vaguely that she’s the girl with that lanky skeleton man pattern all over her school bag. She is tiny with hair the colour of straw and eyes, big wide and pale blue, an intense, unblinking gaze about them as though she knows how and when you will die. 

When she appears in the garden twenty minutes late, smiling serenely with a kitten in her hand, we all pause. 

“Hello,” I say. To her or the kitten I’m not completely sure. 

“Hi, am I late?”

“No, not at all, um!” Jen gets up from the patio table and rushes to give her a side hug, being careful not to squash the kitten in the process. She scratches its tiny head with her fingernail and it purrs. “Who is this?”

“Goose,” Hazel explains, “I found him under a car in the housing estate last week and I’ve been nursing him back to health. He was so hungry, gosh.”

“He’s cute,” Jen pets him again and he strokes his downy grey fur against her fingers, his eyes closed in bliss, causing an explosion of protective adoration inside me for this little creature. It’s possible I've never seen something so cute. 

“Do you want to hold him?” Hazel asks me, and I nod, holding out my hands as she deposits the little warm ball into my hands. Such a small, fragile, trembling ball of energy he is, I've never been so keenly aware of my size, my hands are practically the length of him save for his slinky tail, pointed straight out as I nestle him in the crook of my arm. Goose mews at me, mouth clean open, four sharp teeth and dove grey eyes that look in two different directions. He’s got a weird face, like he doesn’t know he exists or where he is.  

“He’s sweet, isn’t he?” says Hazel at my shoulder.

“Yeah he’s a cool little guy. Do you think he was abandoned?”

“I don’t know, perhaps he ran away,” she reaches for him and he clambers up her sleeve, where she grabs him before he can start clawing at her hair, “he’s skittish. He doesn’t like to be alone, yet paradoxically he’s always trying to escape.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, he yearns for life on the streets,” she sighs and says to Jen, “I hope it’s okay that he’s come along, he would just be so unhappy at home.”

“No, of course! Oh my God,” Jen says with a big, dippy smile. “You can bring whatever, like, whoever you want over. We can keep him inside though if that’s better?” She’s touching her hair and smiling a lot, something I make a mental note of so that I can torture her about it later.

“I think if he’s there in the dining room and he can see me through the window he’ll be comfortable,” Hazel agrees, “I think he prefers to feel included.”

I don’t know if Goose has even a remote concept of what he does and does not prefer, but she and Jen head inside to lay some newspapers on the floor and fill a little bowl from the kitchen with water for him anyway, laying them right by the door so that he has the best view of the garden. I’m transfixed by him in there as they set things up, weaving himself between Hazel’s ankles, pushing his fuzzy cheek into the smooth leather of her Dr. Martin boot, and I grin as his claw catches in her lace, which sends him frantically swatting his paw to free it. 

“It’s so cute how much you love cats,” Michelle comments as she slaps a raw burger over the coals, “I would have never thought you were a cat person if I hadn’t witnessed it myself.”

“Well look at him! He’s just cool.”

“It’s not just him, it’s all those cats along your street! I just think it’s so funny whenever you step out of the house and they just emerge from somewhere.”

“They know they’ll get pets from me.”

“Yeah, and food.”

“Occasionally.”

She smiles over her shoulder, “Maybe when we move in together we should look for a flat that accepts pets. Then we can get a cat of our own.”

“Mm. It’s a big commitment, a cat, though, isn’t it?”

“No, we would just feed it and clean out the litter box. It’d be very easy.”

“Yeah, I dunno.”

“What don’t you know?”

“I’d have to think about it.”

“Oh, okay.”

Debra finishes hanging the washing and quickly slips back inside through the conservatory door. 

I listen to the sounds of the garden instead of talking. A lawnmower drones somewhere across the suburban fences and there is the aroma of something sweet, heady and floral under my nose each time the breeze comes. When it’s still it smells like charred meat and smoke, which is welcome because the afternoon is getting on and I haven’t eaten since before dropping Ivy off at her friend’s house at ten. 

“Are you mad at me?” Michelle says. 

“No. I’m just hungry.” 

“Right.”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[toshisurtsdottir]

Rape and Retribution - Chapter 1

Yesterday, I asked if you'd like to read my Turpin fanfic. I decided that I'd upload it, see how it goes and if it goes well I'll keep posting it :) Technically, it's finished BUT there are a lot of scenes in between that are missing which I might add - we'll see. OH AND: It's kinda fluffy?? But also pretty dark. Idk. Find out I guess haha WARNINGS (for the entire fanfic): mentions of rape, rape, mentions of violent torture, violence, death, murder, NSFW ... and many more

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Summary: Toshi Vernier has a plan for her future. To gain her freedom, she has to get in contact with the ruthless Judge Turpin. He has other plans for her.

On the bustling streets of London, a thief could easily walk past dozens of people unnoticed by any of them. Today, Toshi had no intention of stealing, however. She had something else in mind entirely, something that was part one of her big path to freedom. The young woman was dressed up in men’s clothes: grey pants, an off-white blouse and a grey vest. Her long, white hair was hidden beneath a hat that had seen better days, but it served its purpose. From afar, one might say that she was just a small man going about his business. A bit shady looking perhaps, but that was the usual.

She was stalking around the courthouse, waiting patiently for Judge Turpin to emerge. She knew he would sooner than later. She had studied his behaviour for a few days now, finding out his schedule. Right on time, the heavy doors swung open and two men emerged. The tall judge, wearing a long coat that would make anyone else who wore it seem small. It seemed to be working the opposite on him, it just made him taller. Next to him, the Beadle. Beadle Bamford was a small man, rattish and always on the judge’s heels. Toshi eyed the Beadle angrily. He was one of the men who had, once or twice, taken her father’s offer to use Toshi’s body for their own pleasure. Toshi didn’t remember how often he had had her, she usually erased these encounters from her memory. But she knew he had taken her at least once. As she stared at him, her jaw and fists clenched, she failed to notice that the Beadle had bid the judge goodbye and was now headed the opposite direction. She almost wasted her chance as Turpin made his way down the main street, nearly getting swallowed in the crowd. Toshi snapped out of it and shook her head, snaking her way through the masses of people until she could almost reach him. She would follow him until he was in a more secluded place, then she would talk to him. She had trouble keeping up with the man. People got out of his way (he was a person of power after all) but they kept getting in Toshi’s. Finally, after a few minutes of her struggling to keep up, Turpin turned into a less frequented street. This was her chance.

“Judge Turpin! My Lord!” She called out, quickly jogging up to him. Clearly irritated, he turned around, his eyes instantly fixed on her figure. His nose scrunched up in disgust and he was about to turn and walk off when Toshi spoke a second time. “Please Sir, hear me out! I have important news you must know, my Lord!” She wasn’t one to address people by their titles, or show any kind of manners, but she needed to in this situation. She knew about Turpin that he saw everyone else beneath him and wanted them to treat him accordingly. “Spit it out, boy.” He hissed, albeit he didn’t stop walking or slowed down. Toshi was already out of breath, keeping up with him and speaking at the same time was a hard task to do. “My Lord, your life might be in danger! I came to –“ she stumbled over a small rock “- to warn you!”

Turpin then stopped dead in his tracks, causing Toshi to almost smack into him. He turned around, slowly, his eyes wandering from her face down to her chest (where they seemed to linger for a while), then down to her feet and finally flicked back up to her face. “And what, may I ask, makes you think so? The scum that inhabits these streets usually wants me dead. These are not news. You are wasting my time, child.” He hissed in a low tone, his jaw clenched. “Please, Sir. I am referring to a man known as Sweeney Todd. You see, my Lord, he is not who he seems. Or so they say.” She fumbled with the buttons on her vest nervously. She wasn’t one to get nervous in front of men. Her usual feeling towards them was rage. But he was dangerous, truly dangerous. And she was playing an even more dangerous game right now. “Todd?” He tilted his head, waiting for her to go into detail. Toshi didn’t want to let him wait.

“Yes, Sir. I’ve heard people say his true name is Benjamin Barker. Lost his wife and daughter… say he’s out to get revenge, my Lord.”

The last month, ever since getting that information, she had done a lot of research on Barker and Turpin. She knew that Turpin was responsible for Barker’s ruined life. She needed to get on the Judge’s good side (a vital bit of her freedom plan) and since she had no money to bribe him (unlike others), she hoped vital information would suffice.

Turpin’s eyes remained fixed on hers, a tired expression on his face. If this news worried him, he certainly didn’t let it show. “Benjamin Barker you say?” He raised an eyebrow, his voice a long drawl.. Toshi only nodded in response, hoping that he would like the information she had just given him. “He is supposedly back in his old home currently, in Fleet Street, working as a barber as he did before.” And after a pause: “My Lord.” Something then changed in Turpin’s expression. It seemed to be a mixture of worry, anger and something that Toshi couldn’t quite put her finger on. “Who are you?” He frowned, his eyes flicking down to her chest again.

“My name is Toshi Vernier, Sir.” Clearly, her name didn’t give him more insight on her gender, as his eyes kept flicking from her face to her chest. “I’m dressed as a man, so you’d listen to me, my Lord.” She quickly added. His expression softened as soon as he heard her say that. The fact she was female somehow changed his demeanour. “I see.” A long pause followed as he once more eyed her as if to confirm what she had just said. “I assume, given your disguise and secretive manner, that you want something in return for this information.” He sighed. Toshi wondered if he was used to this kind of exchange. She could imagine that most people would approach him to gain his favour. She wondered how many people actually got it.“I might, my Lord. If this information saves your life, I would like you to remember that I was the one to give it to you.” She nodded, taking off her hat, looking up at him hopefully.

Turpin walked closer to her, causing her to back up a little. Before she could get too far away, however, he grabbed her by the collar and roughly pulled her closer to him, his face only inches away from hers.

“If I find out that you’ve lied to me, that you’re somehow involved in this, I will make sure you’ll rot in a cell for the rest of your unworthy life.” He hissed, shook her and then pushed her away from him. She stumbled back into a nearby wall. He smirked, satisfied by his action, and turned around to leave.

Toshi’s heart was beating out of her chest as she watched him leave. This had gone exceptionally well in her mind.

[needle-thread-thimble-spear]

RGU and the Transfeminine, Part 1

OR

Why Miki Kaoru is an Egg

Fig. 1: The Sunlit Garden

When I’d first watched through Revolutionary Girl Utena, Miki Kaoru was initially one of the characters I had the hardest time figuring out. Unlike the other poisoned sibling relationships in the show, Miki and Kozue’s didn’t really make much sense to me. I couldn’t decide how I felt about the character, whether he was “better” somehow than Touga, Saionji, or Akio, or if he was “just as bad”. And of course. What the hell is with that damn stopwatch dude??* Looking at fan writings afterward just deepened the confusion. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on what’s going on with Miki. It’s only after much re-watching, and introspection, that I think I’ve figured out why I’m so conflicted about the character. I’d like to share why- and hopefully along the way I can at least show that Miki is more interesting than many give him credit for. Click the readmore if you please!

(And, to be clear, what is written below is a reading, a blend of evidence from the text, from the subtext, and my own personal experience. I do not claim to be the first to interpret the character this way nor do I claim that this is the definitive read of the character. Nonetheless, I hope I can make my case to you!)

and, a big thank you to @empty-movement for collating all the high quality screengrabs and scans in this post!

Fig 2: Rookie Princes

While I’m not the first to notice, I think it’s frequently overlooked just how similar Utena and Miki are in the first arc. It’s definitely something that flies over the heads of many first-time viewers. But Miki and Utena, are extremely alike! Of course, they are both motivated by an unattainable image of the past, and Miki’s early episodes codify the “sunlit garden” into the RGU symbolic environment. But it’s more than just this. Utena and Miki both treat Anthy in basically the same way. Utena has an easy time convincing Miki that the dueling game is objectifying nonsense. That the principled thing is to leave the whole exercise behind and treat Anthy like a person. It isn’t very hard for Miki to convince Utena to duel him for her hand either. They both view themselves as her personal protector, and (while maybe at different times), both project their imagination of what she must be thinking onto her. Utena does a bit more than Miki to try and figure Anthy out, but it doesn’t take much for her to get swept up in her own image of prince. In both their minds, Anthy needs them to save her. And, when Anthy looks them in the eyes, and tells them. I’m not yours. It destroys them. Freezes them in their tracks, breaks their hearts. Screaming, its a lie, you can’t mean that! Of course they get along so well! They see themselves in one another, plain as day. Little rival princelings, seeking the affections of the same princess, but always with chivalry and good intention.

Fig 3: Heartbreak

But I think there is more to it than that! Miki and Utena (and later Nanami) are some of the youngest duelists (at least, without a black rose anyway). And, they have fairly similar relationships to the other members of the student council. Juri acts as an older friend, mentor, and source of advice for both of them. Its not unlikely that she sees her younger self in the two of them, and while she does very directly take this out on Utena, its her sword that Utena takes to her second duel with Touga. Indeed, Touga manipulates Miki and Utena in unsubtle and sexually aggressive ways, as compared to how he might treat Saionji or Juri. And for both, its their relationship to gender that he directly attacks. He attempts to break Utena’s spirit by turning her “back into a normal girl”, and for Miki he seems to challenge his masculinity. And while this may seem as though the two of them are being shoved in opposite directions, in both cases, Touga hits them in the same place. “You’re a prince then? I don’t think so. Unless you prove it”. Touga isn’t the only one to question Miki’s ability or status. Utena and Juri both tell Miki. You are much more suited to playing piano than dueling. The main difference here is that they tell him this with genuine compassion, but the implication is the same. You aren’t suited to this prince thing. Give it up.

I don’t think it’s just the audience who is conflicted slotting in Miki with the other “men”.

Fig 4: Strange Friends

Much ink has been spilled on Miki and Kozue’s relationship, but I do think there is one thing consistent across readings. There is a power struggle going on between them, and they’ve both got something to hold over the others head. Personally, I don’t believe there is any attraction between them. Rather, What’s Going On With Those Two is their mismatch in understanding their sexuality and the RGU concept of “Reality”, and the friction that creates in their image of themselves and one another. That reading may go as follows. Miki sees Kozue as acting dangerously and immorally. In his mind, she is his responsibility, to keep out of trouble at the very least. Perhaps he sees himself as needing to step in for their absent parents. So he sees himself as the mature and grounded one, a father figure needing to keep the both of them on the straight and narrow. Kozue on the other hand, sees Miki as being essentially blind to Reality (with a capital R). She believes he doesn’t have a good grasp of what sex is, or what adult relationships look like. She may believe that she understands what happened with their parents much better than Miki, and clearly sees that her brother is in danger with his creepy music teacher. So she sees herself as the mature and grounded one, needing to protect her brother both by warding off people who would take advantage of him and by getting him to grow up and see things as they Really are. Without their parents, they feel the need to take care of one another and control how the other approaches their sexuality. But in the end, it does seem that Kozue is the one who is better able to manipulate Miki’s behavior, helping Akio convince him to duel a second time. That Miki needs to grow up and accept what he wants. He sees a vision of Anthy, and he’s driving the akiomobile. And, with fearful realization, he discovers the identity of End of the World.

Fig 5: Fear

So then. Why should Miki be so hung up about his sexuality? It clearly makes him very uncomfortable. And why does he compare the sister he had in the past onto the one he has in the present? What’s so special about that sunlit garden, anyway? What is Miki Kaoru’s shining thing?

Let me spin a yarn, if you'll indulge me-

As far as Miki remembers it, when he was little things were perfect. His parents were still there, and he and his twin sister were thick as thieves. They would play piano together, and drink milkshakes. Things were simple and happy as far as he’s concerned, and while his childhood was not nearly as rosy as he remembers, it was certainly better than whatever he has to deal with now. Now his parents are gone for reasons he doesn’t quite understand, and his sister has drifted away from him and acts promiscuously. His body is starting to change, and it fills him with disgust. Worse still, he finds himself envying his sister for some reason. It all floods him with shame. He needs to fight those feeling with everything he has. Being very clever for his age, he finds himself the youngest member of the student council. He becomes involved with the dueling game as it is revealed to him, and goes along with it, not wanting to act out of place. He gets a crush on Anthy, and is unable to figure out what the hell he should do about it. Later, he meets Utena, and the two become fast friends. And how lucky, his new friend is roommates with his crush! She’s just so perfect. She’s kind, and quiet, and chaste, not at all like his sister. He feels a kinship with her. And in an act of cosmic fate- she plays for him his favorite childhood arrangement. It’s just as Touga says. He can’t let the world get to her, the way its getting to his sister. The way its getting to him. He needs to make sure that Anthy, and his memories, are safe. But alas- it seems she doesn’t feel the same way. She’d rather be with Utena. Hopefully, Utena can protect her where he cannot. Miki and Utena go back to being friends, and he nurses his hurt feelings privately. It wouldn't do to make a scene about it, and besides, it wasn’t appropriate for him to think of her like that anyway. Thinking about anyone like that. He can’t help but feel disgusted with himself for allowing it. Later, his relationship with his sister continues to deteriorate, and his father is remarrying. But he can stick by his principles, and stay out of it all, the dueling especially. Kozue, Touga, and Akio have other plans. He is confronted with Reality, and it terrifies him. He sees himself in the drivers seat, Anthy his. This is what he is now, no point in trying to hide from it. He challenges Utena again, taking an early advantage utilizing his new resolve and Utena’s confusion. But that resolves breaks quickly. What is Kozue doing with Anthy?

Pay attention, or you’ll lose.

Fig 6: Crash!!

Miki is disgusted with himself, his role, because he does not want it. He hates what’s happening to himself and his family. He admires Utena and Juri, for embodying his ideal self. He listens to Touga, puts up with his music teacher, even if they make him feel gross and uncomfortable, because he feels he has to and that he doesn’t have a choice. He idolizes Anthy, so much. He is attracted to her, but maybe there is something more. Maybe, Miki wishes he could be her. Miki, in my mind, is a closeted trans lesbian going through puberty as a boy. I think that part of this might be projection, perhaps. But I hope that I might have made my case using the text of the show. But even if you disagree, I hope that you might have a better appreciation for his character. I think he’s fairly consistently people’s least favorite council member as a character, but honestly he’s my favorite and I think there’s a lot more too him than a lot of people give him credit for.

Fig 7: Three Lesbians Hanging Out

… this all being said. I think it’s interesting that Miki thinks Anthy is the picture of femininity right? That this is what he wants.

In the end, all girls are like the rose bride.

Please wait patiently while I make the case, that while Miki is an egg. Anthy has long since hatched...

(And I do mean be patient! This subject, and the concept that Ohtori represents a transmisogynystic institution at its very core, is WAY more personal than this headcanon, and also is much more of a difficult thing to write for dozens of reasons. I'm still not 100% sure it would even be right of me to post my thoughts on that publicly. But if enough people are interested, maybe that would motivate me to write it!)

*What’s a good Miki essay without some sort of Stopwatch Theory tm? Well (and I freely admit much of this is probably projection, but it’s not just me projecting! It’s also my girlfriend!!), Miki seems to get very wrapped up in his own thoughts. He is very self conscious, takes the criticisms of others very seriously, and also seems to get ideas about How Things Are Going To Happen in his head. He desperately tries to make sense of his surroundings, and finds himself consistently failing to do that. So my guess is the stopwatch is a way for him to regulate and calibrate his thoughts and hypotheses and self image. He picked it up in his duty as council secretary, but its something he feels is significant outside of that. Aha moment? Click. Unexpected end to a council meeting? Click. Something go completely as expected? Click. It helps him process I think. That is my formal Stopwatch Hypothesis tm.

Supplement Fig 1: Stopwatch

[en-geneisaxx]

𝒲𝑒𝒷𝒷𝑒𝒹 𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓃𝑔𝓁𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈

𝑷𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝑺𝒑𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒏!𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

🄵🄴🄰🅃🅄🅁🄸🄽🄶: ᴇɴʜʏᴘᴇɴ, ʏᴇᴏɴᴊᴜɴ ᴏғ ᴛxᴛ

E̶n̶e̶m̶y̶s̶ 𝚝𝚘 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝕾𝖚𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖔 𝖆𝖚.

Ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ: ｌａｎｇｕａｇｅ

𝑇𝑎𝑔𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑔: @jaylaxies @pockettwinzz @diorsyun @rinbowaman @heeslomll @hoonieshoneymain

sʏᴘɴᴏsɪs: Sunghoon is quite a confusing man. He's the renowned spiderman that's keeping its identity a question, but he is also quite a mean guy to a certain lady. But, your natural charms had a go at him, and now he's looking at you at a different persepective: someone he could spend his forever with. It'll take time though, from pain to growth, but rest assured, he's quite a lover.

ʅιƙҽʂ, ɾҽႦʅσɠʂ αɳԃ/σɾ ϝσʅʅσɯιɳɠ ɱҽ ɯιʅʅ Ⴆҽ ɱυƈԋ αρρɾҽƈιαƚҽԃ!!

Part 1: Meeting her...

Dividers by @dollywons!!

Sunghoon's successfully survived the start of his Uni life with the help of his friends, Jake and Jay. It was time for chemistry, and neither did your nor Sunghoon expect this to be the fateful encounter, and a start of a blossoming relationship.

The trio sat in the back, especially in a corner, knowing that the professor wouldn't look so high up. They were busy judging girls, and were disgusted when a few thought they could really have a chance with them, using their 'cute manner'. To Sunghoon, it was just faces scrunched up in weird positions, and annoying high-pitched voices that secretly let out their inner whore.

Ah, then came a beauty that had no intention of boasting her divine looks, someone gentle and innocent. It seems she didn't have a person she knew, coming in and sitting alone, silently, three benches to the back. She did everything so gracefully, like as if it was something she always does. Maybe he could have a shot at talking to her, hoping she won't bite.

Once class ended, Sunghoon packed his bag in a hurry, glancing every few seconds in case you were leaving. To his delight, you were still organising your bag, giving him the oppurtunity to talk.

"Umm, hi.." Sunghoon knew how awkward it felt. He may be loud, but he was an Introvert, limiting his ability to speak up.

You felt you should continue it on, seeing how shy he was, he's probably panicking that you were going to ignore him. He was very handsome as well, encouraging you to continue this new meeting.

"Hi...nice to meet you." You can't lie, your heart was going to explode when you saw his smile, eyes with a sparkle of hope.

"I-I'm Sunghoon!" He squirmed at the fact he stuttered, thinking it made him look absolutely pathetic.

(Cute..) You thought, starting to become more delusional by the second. Could he possibly like you? Why was he stuttering? In any case, it would be nice making a friend.

"I'm Y/n...Y/n L/n" You chuckled, seeing the way a pink tint began to reveal on his bread cheeks.

Jake and Jay hanged about in the corner, amused by this sudden conversation. Sunghoon wasn't the type to initiate one with a stranger, giving them the idea he may have fallen for her. Why wouldn't he though? She was very pretty, and looked like she was wife material.

"So uh, do you wanna hang out with us..? I-I'm gonna go get some lunch then uh..walk around.." He honestly didn't know what to do with such a woman, because he wanted to give his all.

"That would be nice, I'll go pack up!" You flashed him a smile, assuring him that you were excited about this.

You and Sunghoon just decided to walk around campus, gifted with a beauiful, sunny weather and vibrant colours of green and orange on mother nature. When people eyed you both down, you figured it was just Sunghoon's perfection. Turns out, this whole time your arms were linked together, giving anyone the impression that you were a couple. It looked unreal, for you both were gorgeous.

You guys just exchanged things about life in general, from talking about favourite foods to the most embarassing moments, you two almost shared it all: almost. Sunghoon got way too comfortable with you, sharing many things that had happened in his life. He only snapped back into reality when you asked what he does. He needed to make something believeable, and quick. 'Entertainment'...AH!

"Oh, I'm just a singer and dancer that's payed good money, I also do a bit of modelling here and there." He laughs it off in an attempt to make it look casual.

You weren't suprised, his good looks would've carried him if he was part of the entertainment industry.

Today seemed like it was in Sunghoon's favour, bell ringing to cut off any possibilty of her asking to come around.

"Oh, shoot! What class have you got next?" Sunghoon asked, feeling a bit panicked as Jake and Jay were nowhere to be seen.

"I think we have the same class, let's just go." Dragging Sunghoon, who looked like a lost puppy.

"How was your date with Miss Y/n L/n?" Mocked Jake, rubbing his shoulders with Sunghoon.

"Do you know where she lives?" Asked Jay, cringing at Jake's faces.

"Why d'you ask?" Grunted the youngest, shoving Jake off him.

"If you like her, protect her." Stated the eldest of the trio, making Sunghoon sprint to you, because it's not time to swing about just yet. Geez, Jay's so damn smart.

"H-hey! Y/n!" Sunghoon called out, a slight pant coming out his lips. You liked seeing Sunghoon, and you trusted him.

"What's up, Hoon?" He bit his lip at the nickname, loving you as each second passes.

"Uhh, can I walk you home?" Shit, why did he have to be perfectly positioned in the sunlight, like as if you were meeting an angel in heaven.

You couldn't deny him, and, you pretty much wanted it. You took your time packing your things, so that you could be one of the last people, and less interference.

"Yeah, maybe you could protect me..." You muttered while running away, "OR THOSE MUSCLES ARE FAKE AND ARE ONLY ON DISPLAY!!"

That hurt his pride, and boy, the time at the gym was worth it.

Jay and Jake shared one mind at this point:

"He's down bad."

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

May 16th

Thought things couldn’t get worse for our good friend Jonathan…? WELL YOU WERE WRONG:

God preserve my sanity, for to this I am reduced. Safety and the assurance of safety are things of the past. Whilst I live on here there is but one thing to hope for, that I may not go mad, if, indeed, I be not mad already. If I be sane, then surely it is maddening to think that of all the foul things that lurk in this hateful place the Count is the least dreadful to me; that to him alone I can look for safety, even though this be only whilst I can serve his purpose. Great God! merciful God! Let me be calm, for out of that way lies madness indeed.

Is the Count running for N.1 Abusive Technically-Not-Boyfriend? Because he has a pretty strong shot.

Up to now I never quite knew what Shakespeare meant when he made Hamlet say:—

"My tablets! quick, my tablets!

'Tis meet that I put it down," etc.,

for now, feeling as though my own brain were unhinged or as if the shock had come which must end in its undoing, I turn to my diary for repose. The habit of entering accurately must help to soothe me.

We’re his only comfort and we can do nothing to help… 😭

When I had written in my diary and had fortunately replaced the book and pen in my pocket I felt sleepy. The Count's warning came into my mind, but I took a pleasure in disobeying it.

The fact that this was an intentional infraction breaks my heart in the best way possible.

In the moonlight opposite me were three young women, ladies by their dress and manner. I thought at the time that I must be dreaming when I saw them, for, though the moonlight was behind them, they threw no shadow on the floor.

More normal human things!!!

There was something about them that made me uneasy, some longing and at the same time some deadly fear. I felt in my heart a wicked, burning desire that they would kiss me with those red lips. It is not good to note this down, lest some day it should meet Mina's eyes and cause her pain; but it is the truth.

Honey I think Mina will forgive you for [checks notes] being manipulated through vampire pheromones

There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal, till I could see in the moonlight the moisture shining on the scarlet lips and on the red tongue as it lapped the white sharp teeth. Lower and lower went her head as the lips went below the range of my mouth and chin and seemed about to fasten on my throat.

SOMEONE DRAG HER AWAY FROM HIM

I was conscious of the presence of the Count, and of his being as if lapped in a storm of fury. As my eyes opened involuntarily I saw his strong hand grasp the slender neck of the fair woman and with giant's power draw it back, the blue eyes transformed with fury, the white teeth champing with rage, and the fair cheeks blazing red with passion. But the Count! Never did I imagine such wrath and fury, even to the demons of the pit. His eyes were positively blazing. The red light in them was lurid, as if the flames of hell-fire blazed behind them.

NO NOT YOU

"How dare you touch him, any of you? How dare you cast eyes on him when I had forbidden it? Back, I tell you all! This man belongs to me! Beware how you meddle with him, or you'll have to deal with me." The fair girl, with a laugh of ribald coquetry, turned to answer him:—

"You yourself never loved; you never love!" On this the other women joined, and such a mirthless, hard, soulless laughter rang through the room that it almost made me faint to hear; it seemed like the pleasure of fiends. Then the Count turned, after looking at my face attentively, and said in a soft whisper:—

"Yes, I too can love; you yourselves can tell it from the past. Is it not so? Well, now I promise you that when I am done with him you shall kiss him at your will. Now go! go! I must awaken him, for there is work to be done."

Queer-coding? In my XIXth century monstrous villain? It’s more likely than you think!

"Are we to have nothing to-night?" said one of them, with a low laugh, as she pointed to the bag which he had thrown upon the floor, and which moved as though there were some living thing within it.

Oh oh.

Then the horror overcame me, and I sank down unconscious.

Jonathan would love 2024 Tumblr slang! He too was once overcome by The Horrors™!

I awoke in my own bed. If it be that I had not dreamt, the Count must have carried me here.

YIKES.

I am sure this diary would have been a mystery to him which he would not have brooked. He would have taken or destroyed it.

😭

As I look round this room, although it has been to me so full of fear, it is now a sort of sanctuary, for nothing can be more dreadful than those awful women, who were—who are—waiting to suck my blood.

Was this staged…? Was this entire assault staged as a fucked up manipulation tactic to get Jonathan to seek protection from the Count??? I need answers

< Prev 🦇

[astrogations]

Hal being self-aware that he's being petty trying to get Carol back and should just let her be happy because he loves her so much instead of being selfish was such good character development.

Then Barry encourages him to keep trying before she says "I do" to someone else😭😭😭 Bro fully encourages Hal's intrusive thoughts, I can see why they're best friends.

[solarpunkani]

"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

[stackslip]

actually i do have something to say about this chapter and it's quite critical of it but also i'm tired tonight and i've been talking about it long and hard on discord already and putting it all together in a coherent post feels like too much of a task tonight. all i'm gonna say is that part 2 was very obviously going in a certain direction from the start, and i loved that direction, and to an extent it is still going in that direction but now very obviously missing a huge chunk of what stirred it in that direction. and i'm hesitant to simply say it's fujimoto that's dropped the ball on this (though it might the idealization, who's to say) because from the actual shape of the writing + slump in paneling/art + recent bitter interview by fujimoto + japanese audience is apparently vocally not a fan of asa + my own cursed knowledge of shounen jump and shueisha editors and how they react to a fall in sales = i think the lack of focus on asa has really hurt the themes of part 2 when she was an integral part of it + i think this wasn't entirely fujimoto's doing and it's very likely because she is apparently strongly disliked in japan and there's good reason to believe that fujimoto was told to not focus on her nearly as much bc sales slump and people complain as soon as she shows up. which sucks. becaue what made part 2 work as well as it did was the synergy and parallel between the two protagonists' paths, and the absence of asa's path in the past few months (both in universe and by real time in the comic) feels like a genuine writing and thematic and emotional hole in the comic that to me shows that she WAS supposed to be there. fujimoto had fully intended to write her in there bc there's a hole in the shape of her where she is very obviously supposed to fit. it isn't simply a question of "author forgets his female character" it's a question of "this crucial part of the manga is missing and the author is painfully aware of it and bitter about it too"

[semiotomatics]

think i found a fake georgia o'keeffe painting lol

[hezuart]

Sorry to disturb you but

I still find hilarious that your LN au got an person so butthurt that they're still ranting about it even till this day

The audacity of you to not include THEIR favorite characters on YOUR OWN AU, completely unforgivable.

Jokes aside, take care and keep up your awesome works!

YEAH,,,,,,, yeah,,,,,,,, I'm - it's a big wow for sur,e ...

Something that bugs me is that, they were complaining that the fandom, outside of drawing Mono and Six, only ever draws Mono and Seven and like.... WHERE!!!SHOW ME!!! that's the entire point I made the comic! There was no art of Seven and Mono!!! They're characters who never meet, so no one ever really drew them together back then, at least, not so thoroughly to explore a dynamic with them. Granted Five / Raincoat girl isn't given the same treatment, but that's because she's from the inferior mobile game! And you couldn't get a read on her personality because there was a lack of cutscenes for her!

They're complaining about a fandom making content that isn't catered towards them, and that's just ridiculous!

Anyway, thank you!!! Almost done lining the backgrounds for the next part of the AU.

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

[frankiebirds]

anyway: last thing about the fox.

I think the order in which the team reacts to frank fielding* hurting himself is pretty interesting.

Gideon and Morgan are first, simply because they're the ones closest.

Hotch and Elle are next, with Elle a little behind...

But when it comes to actually restraining Frank, Elle, who is still new and less experienced, lingers behind. If you watch the scene carefully, she actually backs away, too.

And finally, Reid stands at the very back. He enters the room but doesn't go any further, and the camera pans down to show him rocking back and forth on his feet, like he can't decide if he wants to run into or out of the room. I think it's possible that Diana self-harmed at some point in the past (although granted, the self-harm in this scene is a different "type") and he may have been having some unpleasant memories.

*the brother of one of the victims, who goes to her house despite her husband not wanting him there, is seen by her through the window, and thinks she mouths "go away" at him when she actually mouths "help me"