#ive been trying to edit this decently for hours

[xavieremix]

okay so the tags on that last post got me feeling those melon collies so i'm just gonna. tagdump in here. slightly sensitive topics? so uh. scroll down (or press J to jump to next post). or read my thoughts like the morning paper. sorry. cheers.

[slickchickchocolatier]

His and Her Perspectives - Chapter 3 (18+ Only)

So sorry for the delay. I wanted to get this to you guys before I head out to run some errands, been pretty busy the last few days. This was edited and somewhat partially drafted into completion, however, it is not at all proofread or checked over for errors so please excuse all of that. When i get time tonight, i'll look it over and fix any errors that exist. but for now, enjoy the read!

Pairing: Ooohohohohoho you know who. ;)

Warnings: Yes, this is like pure smut, the whole chapter. Not at all for anyone under the age of 18, so minors please ignore this post. As per usual, the smut is very descriptive, and some curse words. Just the standard stuff. But still a good read if you're trying to get in the mood or an idea of what car sex is like with MGR/MRE/HHP Heeseung ;)

Next chapter is also going to be fully smut-ish so for those of you that live for smut, stay tuned.

The surprise i have in store for you guys will be posted later, i just wanted to get this chapter out because ive been on and off working it for the last few days and I am just ready to get it out so i can work on the next one.

Summary:

Summer was swinging by faster than you could enjoy it. Emily and the girls thought of ways on how to dedicate the remainder of the break to make the most out of the last couple of months and enjoy the season to its fullest. That was when they thought of a nice trip into the valley with the boys, a mass get-together where we could all enjoy each other’s company and have game night at a rental.

It didn’t take long for the girls to find a large home at a decent daily rate, located near one of the famous vineyards in the country. The boys all thought the trip was a good idea and even offered to take charge of the barbeque, much to Emily and the girl’s delight.

You could tell Heeseung liked the idea of the trip, even though he maintained his usual habit of remaining calm, quiet, and sitting with his arms crossed, merely giving a simple nod and half a smirk when Jake turned to ask him if he was excited about the trip.

After a few days, you all had prepared and packed up for an early departure. The drive was long, nearly four and a half hours into the valley, everyone agreed to leave early in the morning while it was still dark out, hoping to mitigate the risk of getting stuck in traffic. Much to the boy’s dismay, the girls dictated that the carpool-maintained gender integrity, mainly so that they could enjoy each other’s company and catch up on daily gossip while they boys spend some quality time themselves.

Witnessing the dictation of transportation assignment, you noted Heeseung’s lowering tilt of the chin as his hat hovered and casted a shadow to cover more than just his eyes. He didn’t like the idea of making a long drive without you being beside him, not because he was the clingy type, it was more so because he had planned on taking the opportunity to rest you on his lap and tightly embracing you.

Though the feeling was mutual, you felt deep down that traveling separately was for the better. Based off the last time you sat on his lap, you both found that it was a prime position for one of your many sexual episodes.

It was on a Friday evening, you and Heeseung decided to go the movie theater. Arriving fairly early, he parked his car near the back end of the lot where it was secluded and sparse, just so you both could have some privacy to talk and freely display your affection without having to worry about exposing yourselves to people passing by.  The windshield overlooked the wide shopping center across the street, with the glittering lights that decorated the shops, and the pleasant view of shoppers mingling from afar, the view produced a wholesome charm of simplistic night life.

Admiring the view, you felt a piece of your hair being tucked away as Heeseung continued to admire your profile. You shyly chucked towards his lovely notion, which only invigorated him more.

Once you both had walked in, found your seating, and watched as the movie began, the moment the beginning credits displayed the main roles was when you lost all interest in the original event. The feeling in your gut proved to be too distracting after the moment in the car. You became stimulated by the act of him moving your hair aside as he peeked at you with one visible eye from underneath his cap.

Making sure to hide it within the hair that framed your face, you glanced over to see that even though Heeseung was facing the screen, you could tell that the sexual tension was building up by the way he kept bouncing his leg. His hat that traditionally covered his eyes, gave his face more shadow from the dimmed lighting inside the theater, it made it hard to tell if he was looking at the screen or possibly gazing at something else while facing it.

His elbow propped up on the arm of the seat, as his face slightly resting against his hand, you took visual notice of the way he had his index delicately placed on his lips, brushing it back and forth gently, occasionally dragging the skin with it as he revealed a subtle display of teeth. Moving your eyes back forward, the tingling sensation grew stronger and even though you tried hiding it by crossing your arms over your chest, the depths of each breath you took was too steep, the inclining rise of your breast was too noticeable. Unsure of how to remedy the situation at a public setting, you both sat there in silence as the movie continued playing. When suddenly you heard Heeseung stand out of his chair.

Two steps in, your view of the screen is blocked by Heeseung, casually standing in front of your crossed legs and extending a hand to you. He doesn’t say a word.

You look up to see that the bill of his cap, along with the effects of the lack of lighting, aggrandized the shadow over his face, leaving only his lips to remain visible, along with the hazy side smirk it formulated. Grabbing his hand, you realized how much the tension was affecting him when you felt the weight of his pull nearly levitated you off your seat. It was so sudden, the way your body lost contact with the cushion as your legs caught up with the movement to keep you from falling over. His grip on your hand was welded.

After straightening your posture, his free hand moves up, and you stood admiring the mask of shadow that his face wore, as he gently fixes your hair with the tips of his fingers. Beginning at your hairline, you felt the light touch of his skin as his fingers pinched a small amount of hair as he delicately relocates it to the side and tucks it behind your ear. The tips gently wrap’s the piece around and behind your helix, where they remained for a second before dragging along the skin behind your ear until they encountered your earring.

He rests the dangle on his index, admiring the butterfly trinket attached. Afterwards, he continues the trailing movement of said finger, letting the earring fall from its rest as he traces your partially exposed jawline inwards towards your chin, where he used his thumb and inner knuckle to nourish a faint hold. Committing to another favorite habit of his, you felt his thumb extend its reach and brush over your lips, from center moving outwards as he rests it on the outer corner, composing small light strokes.

Heeseung synthesized many habits that reciprocated his sentiment towards you, one being his usual and most displayed act in moving, playing, or fixing your hair to amplify the exposure of your face, mainly your eyes, as evident from his showering verbiage expressing his fondness when admiring them. The second habit was the stroking and brushing of your lips.

Of all his habits, there was one that he frequently committed, at least once a day. It was his penchant for facial contact, with or without kissing permitted. Every day when you were on your way to your next class, Heeseung would do the same and walk in your direction. Regardless, it had only been a couple of hours that he hadn’t seen you, it was obvious that you were indefinitely on his mind.

Once you found yourself breaching his presence close enough to ask him how his morning classes were going, he carried his usual trait of withholding a verbal response. Instead, he’d raise a hand to push the bill of his cap up, revealing a raised eyebrow that gave him a confident expression. The tilting of his bill is followed by him placing the same hand on the back of your head, administering a slight grab of hair as he would pull your face in to meet his, nose to nose. The groove of your lips is met with his, but not in the form of a kiss, just touch. He would angle his forehead inward and flutter his lashes against your own, initiating butterfly kisses as he formed his tenacious smirk against your lips, leading to a dual chuckle that you give to each other.

In the theater, you continue to be the canvas of his thumb strokes as he savored every precise detail of your face. Using the grip he had on you, he turns and walks you out of the building, across the wide lot, and back to his car, not a word is spoken from him. With only the view of his broad shoulders, you catch yourself admiring his lethal frame from the back, watching his tall stature as he moves closer to the car with his arm extending backwards as he maintains the grip of your hand, trailing you behind. The wispy length of his hair barely extends pass the nape, faintly touching the back of his collar. No matter the angle you viewed him in, you couldn’t help but find him irresistible.

His pace slows as he reaches the back seat door, opening it, he pulls you by his grip and swings you around to face him. While maintaining the grip, he swings his hand around your backside, bending your arm by the elbow as it is pinned to your lower back, fingers intertwined with each other’s. He pulls you in and kisses you, just a small kiss, but ever so tender like the others. He nods you to get inside the backseat.

Once you slid in, you shift down to the window seat next opposite of the one you had just entered through. He follows in after you, positioning himself on the center seat with his legs widespread, each foot placed behind the two front seats. He faces in your direction, slightly leans over to kiss you once more. You feel his hands roaming from your breasts down to the smallest part of your waist and with utter ease, you’re surprised at his strength as he lifts you, only releasing a single deep moan and breath into your mouth as he picks you up, shifting your backside during movement so that it was facing him as he positioned you on his lap.

The feeling of sitting on Heeseung’s lap became one of your favorite sensations in the world. The moment he rests you on his lap, his hands drag from your waist, and down to your hips as he presses you down against his crotch, enforcing you to feel an overwhelming and pleasurable pressure from the back. As your back arches, your head tilts back against his, you feel him pressing his nose and lips against the soft skin at your nape, burrowing his soft kisses.

His hands that rests on your hips begin to set the pace for your hips to move along with. Pushing and pulling you to a rocking motion, the arch in your back simulates oceanic waves as the back of your head remains resting against his forehead. The soft kisses on your nape transition into a passionate massage as you feel his tongue becomes involved and traces small circles with each wet, and suckling kiss he leaves. You feel him inhaling the scent of your perfume that you applied on the base of your neck, with his face attached to your nape, he enjoys each whiff he takes in. Just as you relish feeling the air he pulls in with his nostrils against your skin, your body slight jolts out of shock at the feeling of his teeth gently nibbling, following by the caressing of his tongue. Concentrating at the center, his oral performance migrates over to the side of your throat as he pulls you in closer, your back fully meets his chest and your head rests on his shoulder as he burrows his face in the nook of your neck.

The motion of your body does not stop, in fact, it continues with a stronger pace as you begin to feel his hips thrusting upwards against your derriere, syncing with the moment your hips roll down on him. His eagerness is evident by his desire to increase the pace, but you use the weight of your hips to suppress each thrust to tease him a little. Not being able to take it, he reaches down and lifts the flare of your skirt up, pinning it to your pelvis with his other hand as he maintains a grip on you. He pulls down your panties, they nearly rip off from his eager ardor had it not been you lifting one leg to feed through it, salvaging the lace material as it drapes and falls on the other leg, collecting in a ring around your ankle.

Accomplishing the goal of getting your sensitive bud exposed, you feel the cold air greeting the skin in between the two folds. The sensation is followed by the pressure of his fingers as he reaches over your thigh and rubs his tips in circular motion against your clit, afflicting gentle taps with his rubbing motion. The moans that rush out your mouth are both soft and harsh as each gasp takes your breath away. The beat of your heart speeds up, pounding against your chest plate, feeling as if it will explode.

Commencing the last rub, he cups you as his middle finger is injected into your opening. Your moves speed up as you feel your mouth drying up from the consistent moaning and gasping, you’re committed to. Once he felt that he has acquired the first phase of your desire, he sticks his index in to join his middle, feeling the fluid of your arousal gushing out, coating each finger.

The arm around your waist tightens, and you feel him pulling you even closer as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you. Each moment they thrust in, you feel him lifting you upwards as the base of his palm pushes against your base, shifting your weight upwards. Your head surpasses his shoulders, and your chest extends higher, nearly reaching his face as you feel his lips softly pecking below your collarbone.

The sound of skin-to-skin contact is promoted by the heavy moisture flowing in and out as his fingers manipulate the pace and your movements. Just when you feel as though you can’t take enough, his fingers thrust in deep, and remain still. You feel them waving inside you as he massages the interior flesh of your cavity, effectuating unanticipated moans to burst out from your lips as your body wallops upwards from the overwhelming sensation.

Slowly, he slides his fingers out. The sound of his zipper and button coming undone, along with your exhausting pants fills the hollowness of the stagnant car. Feeding through the opening of his briefs, you feel the warmth of his shaft and the tip graze in between your thighs. It is soft, dry, and smooth, it feels gentle and similar to baby skin as it rubs against your skin.

Your head rests on his shoulder. Nose, eyes, and lips facing the window as the side of your cheek and neck is decorated by the hair sticking on to the faint bit of sweat that glazed your skin. From the corner of your eye, you watch as his strong, and large hand grabs the base of his shaft. His long fingers wrapped around the thickness of his diameter, which was so thick that in fact, compared to it his notoriously large hand almost appeared smaller in size.

With his firm grab at the base, he extends the length perpendicularly, the tip eyeballing the roof of the car. A shiver travels from your toes, along your spine, and to the back of your neck as the size of his penis intimidates you. It didn’t get much better as you kept gazing at it, the more you had looked, the larger it seemed to appear. You kept your face off to the side and squint them shut as you prepare yourself for penetration, knowing it’s about to come as you feel the skin of his tip inching closer to your folds.

He guides the tip to rub in between the skin, up and down. He coats the muscle with the wetness that escaped you during his earlier performance, and before you know it, the sound swirling sound of wet skin swooshing against one another returns. The sound takes over your gasps as they die down from the break.

The sudden feeling of his face burrowing into the nook of your neck went unappreciated as you didn’t get the chance to apprize the feeling due to his entry that followed immediately after. The combination of his open lips against your neck, breathing out semi-harshly and the tip of his nose pressing into you right below your ear, enshrined the severity of his penetration. You felt the hot air from his breathing coating your neck, it condensates your skin as you feel drips of moisture trinkling down to your collarbone. The sharpness of his entry can’t be ignored, but the feeling of his face on your skin helped in distracting you from the pain, even though it was only slightly.

The sound and feeling of the vibration in his voice as he gasps and grunts into your neck takes you over the edge as he simultaneously thrusts in and out. He starts of deep but slow, going in, pulling out, just as the tip is edging its exit, only for him to thrust back in deeper than before. The feeling of pressure and being filled shrills you, it’s a feeling you’ve never experienced before he came into your life. It was overpowering, both enjoyable and painful.

The movement of your body shifting upwards became more prominent than before when he used his fingers. His hips bucking up into you dramatized the elevation of your weight. The moans were replaced with cries of immense stimulation as each thrust incites your muscles, causing them to contract and shake, ridding more moisture than before as it gushes out, only to be thrusted back in.

The feeling of his chest permanently attached to your back provided a feeling of comfort and safety. He felt so broad and hard, the width of your shoulders was not even half of his. Your hands rest on the sides of his seated hips, desperately trying to find something to latch on to from the excitement of the sting and ecstasy convulsing in your body. All you could feel was the smoothness of the faux leather seat, the flat surface giving you nothing. The feature of the newly modeled car allotted for the seat belt latches to remain hidden and tucked in between seats, to maintain a slick aesthetic appeal, which had ultimately work against you as you couldn’t dig them out with just your fingertips.

Desperate as the quivering sensation takes over your body, you reach up and grab on to his arm that remained steadfast and wrapped around your waist. You felt the muscles of his forearm as he slightly pushed you down each time he thrusted, then lift you when he partially exited. Upon feeling you reaching up and grabbing onto his arm, it propelled him to increase the pace, he burrows his face in deeper to the nook of your neck, causing his cap to fall completely off his head.

His soft hair cushions against the straight edge of your jawline. His heated gasps are now accompanied with soft kisses, the sensitivity of the skin on your neck shivers upon receiving them. The arm around your waist remains steady, even tightened as the pace grew, while his other hand rests on your inner thigh, gently applying pressure to maintain the spread of your legs. His fingertips tapping your skin every so often when your cries became harsh and out of breath.

“Uh! Baby. Fuck!” He states in between his gasps.

“You’re so damn beautiful, I’m so fucking lucky I get to be the one to do this to you.” The more he spoke in his low and calm tone, the more you felt yourself gushing out the natural essence of your body, which only promoted him to thrust in and out with ease.

“Fuck baby, keep getting wet for me, makes it easier to fuck you. You’re so fucking tight.”

He was right, it did make it easier for him to ravish you, the pace of each thrust came in faster, and faster. He was rough, but nowhere near as ferocious as his Ethan. There was still a soft side to Heeseung’s performance that allowed you to maintain some aspect of the setting, whereas his Ethan persona would normally induce you to a state of unawareness and peaked exhaustion.

The pace continued to go faster, unsure of how it was possible, yet all you could do was to take it. It didn’t matter how loud your cries and pleasuring moans were, the car was parked away and at a distance where no one could see, hear, or save you. You were at his mercy, for the pleasure was too great at times, you almost felt the desire to escape his grasp. Whenever you shifted, attempting to close your legs or extend your hips away from his groin, the hand that laid firmly on your inner thigh would hold you down and spread, reminding you that there was no escape, not even from the gentle Heeseung. His vigor remained ever present no matter what side he was taking, himself or Ethan. For both entities, the difference on the achievement didn’t matter, there was one goal that they shared to obtain, and that was to get the both of you to cum.

Suddenly, your body couldn’t take anymore. You felt your muscles violently contracting, the shaking of your body terminates the smooth sail of your body’s movements that had, up until that moment, followed in sync with his thrusts. Your hips jolt, up and down, left to right, only to be suppressed by his grab on you as he forces you to remain steady while he continues thrusting. The feeling was beyond overwhelming, it was too good that it was almost painful. Your body tries to fight it by shifting fiercely, trying to break free, yet the slap of his hand against your thigh as he pushes you down with his arm and strengthens his grab overpowers you, causing you to scream.

“Oh yeah, that’s it baby. Cum for me.” The feeling of his lips moving as he spoke, grazing against the sensitive area of your neck did not help the matter, your mind went into the state of confusion as to trying to configure if the sensation you were forced to succumb to was good or bad, or both.  All of which became null and void when your orgasm kicked in and put you on cloud nine.

His thrusts became heavier, deeper, and dowdy as the speed increased, all the while you became limp and barely out of breath as each weakened moan escaped you. The tingling high you felt in our gut shuddered your muscles as your body began to gradually release a fluid that is different from the natural lubricant it produced before. It felt sour, almost stingy but not at all painful, just overly euphoric. You couldn’t control it as you screamed and dug your fingertips into the arm around your waist, feeling him pushing you down as he felt the flow of your orgasm drowning his tip and trickling down his length.

Three deep thrusts in as you were cumming, you felt the fierceness of his gasps coughed against your neck as he releases into you. His hand that had rested gently on your inner thigh suddenly grabbed hold and just like you, the fingertips dug into your skin, pushing your thigh outwards more in the process while bruising the skin. A series of hard but slow thrusts followed suit, as if he was making sure every drip went deep inside.

What followed suit were everlasting moments of peaceful rest as you both regained your breaths, mainly you. Your raging pants were gently persuaded to calmness as you felt his hand rub and massage your chest, while his relentless kisses on your neck continued.

“Breathe for me. Breathe for me, baby.”

He calmly tells you, all the while his shaft remains in your body, surrounded by your warmth and softness.

[the-kipsabian]

Yo hi there! I’m very sorry to bother you at this time of the day, just reaching out if you’d be so kind to check the post that I pinned on my blog and maybe give it a little help by boosting/sharing it? it’s for my cat :((( and we need help to get him the dental care he needs. It would really mean the world to me and I understand if you don’t, still appreciate you and stay safe! and btw, please do send me a msg to reply or answer the ask privately instead as I want avoid other blogs to think im a spambot or what, once again im sorry for asking this, praying you’d consider! 🫶🏽🥹

you know what

no 🙏❤

hey kids, lets play a game of spot a scam again!! (im copying the message ive replied with before here and the original is at the bottom if you wish to reblog that one :) just editing this a bit here to show the new stuff they are putting out there in this very message yay!!)

okay this is literally the same story ive seen before at least three times. its word to word the same. youre not even trying

reblogs only from original posts. they have gotten "smarter" tho as this blog followed me in attempts to try to show its "real". and yet they havent reblogged from blogs they supposedly follow, only from probably the top posts from some popular tags and only from the original posters. also please note literally all the posts in their blog have been reblogged today within the past three to four hours (apparently im so loopy i cant read times rn, its been about the past 15 to 16 hours but the point still stands, they are all reblogged within the last 24 hours)

also they try to act more human with a decent description and likes and follows turned off. dont try hun

their only original post as far as i scrolled (which admittedly wasnt very far as its obvious this is a scam lol) is the donation post. unsurprisingly

ive said it before and i'll say it again - they seem to target people in similar positions that they are supposedly in, trying to pluck that sympathy cord with "your pet is sick so you are sensitive and know how this feels". this isnt my case rn but i obviously have posted cat photos and i have a donation ko-fi link in my pinned post sssoooo

"pls consider answering this ask privately" lmao so what people dont know youre a scammer? NEXT (they literally say this now like lmaooo for real? so that people dont think youre a scam bot?? honey please are you even trying)

a simple search even within tumblr tells you people already know about this. the account, the story and the cat. you aint fooling anymore

if unsure kids, ask a friend and google things 👍 reverse image search, for example, is your best friend!! also googling the latter half of the given paypal name reveals immediately that this is a scam. plastered all over the first search page lmao

also kids, in case youre asking "well what bad could a one little me reblogging a post even if its a scam do if i dont donate :/" 1. im sorry what and 2. it makes them look legitimate which they are not. the more notes the more trusted the source cause tumblr is full of idiots (sorry not sorry ive been here for over 11 years i know what people are like) plus you put your friends, mutuals and followers in a risk of participating in a scam. and have your name associated with it as well. do i need to go on?

anyways hi go report this blog and always be hesitant if someone you dont know asks you for donations like this. unless its a beloved mutual on your dash, reconsider. stay safe, thanks 💜

looking forward to being unfollowed and blocked immediately after posting this, but i'll be sure to report you for a scam. :) also fuck you for using someone elses poor cat and their situation to literally scam good natured people out of money, what the fuck is wrong with you

peace and love, fuck you ✌💜

[shadeofazmeinya]

my only words on the situation

RT the company sucks. it fucking sucks there’s no hiding that. they’ve followed the worst of industry standards and the HR is protecting the company over people. RT is a bad company like so many others

but I will continue to support AH. i don’t know how that support will look like monetarily since i know it goes to RT. But I will continue to vocally support the people at AH who are either innocent as having only joined recently or have shown that they can change and try to be better people. are the perfect? hell no. but as a nonbinary person ive felt more support from how quickly they’ve accepted lindsay, kaden, and how they immediately threw support around aaryn when she came out. sure they could be guilty of crunch time and long hours. and i am putting some blind trust that they aren’t doing it severely but i also know there has been a lot less videos coming out and a lot more streaming which requires little editing work. i can see they’ve messed with the schedules to help each other and they’ve talked about trying to make sure there isn’t too much work. it is a blind trust but i have seen the changes to have some believe in it.

this is rambling but i just want to let people know that i will support AH and the hard work they’ve done. The people I want to believe are halfway decent. The new people that they hired who are innocent in all of this. RT is a bad company, there is no denying it. But I will support the good people in it.

[tera-91]

Mid-April thoughts

I didn’t mean to take a pause in posting. My thoughts have been a jumble lately.

My pup will need to have surgery so ive been working extra hours so that I can work less during the healing process. It sucks but I would rather go through with it now than the little cuddle bug be in discomfort. Poor thing has had some rough luck in the knee genetics department.

I have also been contemplating a job change but I would have to go to school for it. So Ive been dealing with checking out everything that I need to do for that. I think if I can be patient, which for me is kind of difficult, it would be a really good thing cuz I could potentially basically make in a day what I currently do in a week. It would definitely make things easier for me. But I wont be able to complete it for a few years. So I don’t know exactly what to do with my time between now and when I would be able to start taking courses.

Another jumbled thought I have is should I take advantage of the down time to try to pursue some side quests to make a little extra here and there to build it up so that I can quit my job while I go through school. I will have to be a three quarter to full time student while doing it so working and school might be a little bit of a juggling act. Also as bad as it might sound, I would rather do side quests than my actual job. I know that for most jobs dealing with people can be completely unavoided and there are jobs where it can be which would be a plus but I just get drained both mentally and physically dealing with people.

Other things have been good though.

I think I have figured out a way around some issues I was having with my videos. I just need to be able to spend some time to edit those so that I can post them. I have a pretty decent bank of them so I can spend time with my fluff ball to make sure healing goes well.

Writing I think is going good but also having a bit of a block. While I know I said I was probably going to take a break on sanders side stories, I somehow have 3 I’ve been working on. Maybe because I feel like I resonate with Virgil so its easier to write something with him verses starting something else. I can get anywhere from 300-500 words before my brain just halts and I cant figure out where to take it. I have an idea of the beginning but the further into it the murkier it gets and I don’t know where I want to take it. Part of me wants to go a fluff route but also writing is a bit of an emotional outlet for me. So part of me wants to just follow whatever emotion I have going at the time. Whether it be anger, frustration, etc but when I take a step back to review and edit I have hesitations. I know angst is a category and an option to post but at the same time I want what I create to be an escape for someone. Would that be helpful to others to read that or could it not be.

I guess anything could be helpful to anyone. Just a little bit of internal struggle. Maybe that is what is causing the block. Also I think I have a slight hesitation to post anything short after posting 2000-3000+ stories in the past. Even my word salads have been decently long. Also I get easily distracted or something just takes longer than I think it should and I get discouraged.

I hope everyone is having a good April. The weather is finally warming up but I think it has gone a bit too far. Gone from cold straight to HOT. I was hoping to have a little more slightly warm days so that way I could spend some time hanging outside and get back into painting. Or even just to enjoy nature for more than 15, maybe 20 minutes if Im lucky before it gets too hot out there. After I post this I might go try to enjoy as much time I can tolerate in the heat. I got some good nature photos the last time I went outside with my camera. Sometimes I contemplate if I should post them on here or maybe make an Instagram account and post them on there.

[savethepinecones]

okay folks story time. back in 2019 i was doing freelance captioning for a company i wont name. i was incredibly depressed and had no insurance so i was a) unmedicated and b) unable to work a fulltime job. i was good at typing so i decided to give this company a try. they didnt have set hours to work so i thought that on the days my depression got really bad i wouldnt get in trouble for taking the day off.

i spent a few months working on captioning during my free time and handing out samples at a grocery store on weekends. neither job paid super well but it was better than nothing. the captioning job was fun but paid based on video length rather than time worked. i cant remember for sure but i think it was something like $0.60 per audio minute.

when i first started i thought that seemed reasonable but i quickly realized that between having to pause the audio frequently to type everything out and then going back through to sync the subtitles to the video it would take like half an hour to do a five minute video. i ended up working pretty much every waking hour just to make enough money to pay my rent at the end of the month.

ive always been a perfectionist so my captions were usually very good but that perfectionism also slowed me down. there was also a policy that if audio cut out at any point in the video you had to report it and you wouldnt get paid for it even if youd already spent time captioning the audio that was there. we were able to look at the videos before claiming them but, especially with longer videos, i would usually just listen to a couple seconds around the beginning middle and end. videos got claimed quickly and if i took the time to watch the whole thing someone else would claim it and id have to find something else. there was one time that i had a fairly long video that i captioned most of, only to find out the audio cut out for a while towards the end. i had to send it back and because i didnt finish it, i didnt get paid for any of the work id done on it. this was a problem because like i mentioned earlier i was working more or less constantly in order to make ends meet and id just wasted hours on something i wouldnt get paid for.

tldr the pay was not great and i sometimes wouldnt get paid at all for work i spent hours on.

a few months in, i got a video that was about two hours long and was professionally recorded and edited. (this was significant because a lot of the videos i got had really poor audio quality, which meant i had to listen to dialogue a couple times before i figured out what exactly people were saying and i would end up taking longer to finish the project.) at this point i was spending more than 15 hours a day captioning, and still just barely making enough money to get by.

i got to work on the video, occasionally looking up names that were mentioned to make sure i got the spelling right. the company had a policy against sharing publicly what videos we were working on so i wont say specifically what it was, but when i was doing my research i learned that this show had a pretty decent fanbase. this made things easier for me because i could look on the wiki for the spelling of character names and locations etc.

the video itself was about two hours, and i had to pause it frequently because even though ive got a really good typing speed, people still speak faster than i can type. it took me probably about five minutes to caption everything, and i was exhausted so i was making a lot of mistakes. i decided that it would be quicker to leave the errors for the time being and correct them when i was syncing the captions to the audio. i had a while until the deadline to finish the project since it was so long, so i decided that once i was done with the initial captioning, i would take a quick nap so that i could focus more during the syncing process, which had to be very precise.

i ended up oversleeping. when i woke up, i guessed it would take about three hours or so to sync the captions, plus the time correcting typing errors or words id misheard the first time around. i was looking at probably about 8 hours worth of work, which was less time than i had left on the deadline. if i didnt submit the project by the deadline, the video would go to someone else and i wouldnt get paid for anything id done on it. it was close to the end of the month and i knew that even if i worked around the clock, without the money from this job i wouldnt be able to pay the next months rent. i knew that i wouldnt be able to corrext all the typos in time, but in my mind missing rent was about equivalent to the end of the world. (i was maybe 20 at the time and thought that if i didnt pay rent on time i would immediately be kicked out of the house or smth. im a very anxious person and especially at the time would tend to jump to the worst case scenario.)

i decided to work on the project as much as i could until time was up, and then submit it as is. i didnt feel good about it but it felt like the best play for me. without the money from this project, i wouldnt be able to make rent even if i started working on something else right away.

i felt especially bad because i knew this was a video that would get a lot of views, which meant my shoddy work would be seen by a lot of people, but i didnt have the time to deliberate. i decided to sync the captions first, then spend the rest of the time i had correcting typos. i managed to sync everything before the deadline but i was far from fixing all the errors when my time ran out. i submitted it anyways. the project was far below my own standards, let alone the company's, but at least i would get paid for the two hours of video. if i kept working every day for the rest of the month, i would be able to just make enough to cover rent.

i only did captioning for a total of six months or so. in december i got so burnt out that i couldnt work at all, and when i finally recovered i decided to start looking for something else. (the job i ended up with still didnt pay great and they kept cutting my hours but at least i wasnt working around the clock. plus it was a homecare position, which in early 2020 meant i could sometimes get free meals as an essential worker. i ate a lot of mcdonalds that spring.)

most of the videos i captioned have been long since forgotten, but there are a couple i remember. one was a lesbian christmas movie that i was so excited to be a part of, in whatever small way. there were also a couple id done for a local tv station a couple states over. but the one that stands out the most in my memory is the one i submitted incomplete.

id been expecting the company that submitted the video to complain, but i never heard anything. i expected they probably wouldnt continue to come to us for captions at the very least. i never did see another of their videos in the queue, but its possible that i just wasnt checking the queue when the videos were posted. theres no way for me to know for sure.

its been several years since then and i still think about that video sometimes. how many people i must have disappointed. the show was one that i could definitely have enjoyed, but my guilt kept me far away from it. i was scared that if i checked out the fandom, it would be full of people criticizing the horrible captioning on that one episode. recently, though, i decided to give it a try. the latest season was coming out and it seemed really interesting. i watched that and enjoyed it (the seasons are nonlinear so i didnt need to watch it from the beginning to understand it) and decided to take a peek at the fandom.

(it didnt escape my notice that the captions were formatted slightly differently than the way the company id worked for used. theyd definitely gone somewhere else for captioning. i suspect theyve hired someone instead of outsourcing. the captions have a personal touch that indicates theyre done by someone familiar with the series.)

to my horror, there were some mentions of the captions from past seasons, mostly commenting on how much theyve improved since then. ive watched the first couple seasons now and i did notice that a lot of names and terminology were misspelled early on but i havent come across the episode i did yet. im hoping someone redid the captions on my episode, although i feel bad that they likely had to pay for the same thing twice. the good news is that im a paying subscriber, so eventually ill have paid them back what i was paid for the botched captions. that eases my conscience a little.

the reason im sharing this is to first of all apologize to the fandom, even though i cant name it specifically. you guys deserved better captions than what i gave you. i also think its an example of how important it is to pay people a living wage. among many other reasons, the quality of work suffers when staff are overwhelmed, whether by financial stress or overworking or both.

i dont think i need to say this, but just to be clear, i dont blame the people who sent the video in. they didnt set my wages. and i know their company has been vocal about paying all employees a living wage. which means whoever is doing the captioning now is certainly getting paid what theyre worth. im glad they dont have to deal with something similar to what i went through.

this post ended up being a lot longer than i expected and im not really sure how to end it. saying something lighthearted seems like it would trivialize the regret im trying to express. i guess ultimately i just want to finally say sorry.

[sch4r4]

There is a strict ban on fire-starting implements in the gallery

[bts-bay-bee]

ruin you 4 (ruined)

Pairing: jeon jungkook x fem. reader

Genre: smut

Word Count: 3309

Warnings: unedited work, they’re on a trip (me projecting because I want to be the one on a trip), loss of virginity (finally!), jungkook is a sweetheart, protected sex, oral (fem. receiving) fingering, making out, crying kink (it’s the last part of the story, I feel like I need to include this bc it was one of the prompts from the first part), light spit play, the “you want me? go ahead and have me” thing from his live,

A/N: this would’ve been done three days ago if my upstairs neighbour wasn’t being a dick. Also, this is unedited, so I’ll come back and edit it this weekend. If you see any mistakes, please read through them for the time being! Also also, this is my last fic on tumblr! You can check out my pinned post if you’re curious as to why I’m leaving. This is the 4th time ive tried posting this. i feel like im about to go insane. i think its the tag list??? ill start tagging people in like... an hour or so

“Taehyung’s car had to be towed, they’ll only be here tomorrow.” Jungkook complained, throwing his phone onto the coffee table after reading the text thread.

 “Ugh, can’t believe I’m stuck with you for like twelve hours.” You scoffed, rolling your eyes as you dodged the decorative pillow being thrown in your general direction. “I was joking, you big baby.”

 “And to think I was happy to have you alone for a while.” He sighed, pulling you down so that you were sprawled on top of him, unable to move in his tightening grip. There was once a time where Jungkook would flush red for days at the thought of just hugging you a second too long, but he was evidently long past that.

 You indulged him for a while, letting him move you in whichever position he was most comfortable in, and you eventually ended up beneath him, both your necks craned to keep an eye on the random show he had put on.

 Absentmindedly, you had begun scratching his scalp gently, the continuous and gentle motion quickly nudging him into an almost comatose state, only barely reacting when you spoke to him.

 “Jungkook?” You mumbled, drowsiness getting the best of you, probably the only reason why you were so nonchalantly bringing this up randomly. “Can we talk?”

 “What’s wrong?” He asked, cracking open a single eye to blearily focus on you.

 “So, I’ve been thinking…” You responded, swallowing the uncertainty away. “I want you to take my virginity.”

 “I know, we’ve spoken about this.” Jungkook frowned, his sleepiness ebbing away just as fast as it had come. “Why are you suddenly thinking about it?”

 “I mean, like… I want you to take it now.”

 Jungkook’s eyebrows almost shot up completely into his hairline as he choked on his own spit. Scrunching up your face, pushing away a spluttering Jungkook away from you, he was all but yelling at you.

 “Y/N, you can’t just say things like that when I’m literally on top of you –”

 “Well, that’s why I brought it up!” You defended, confused with his reaction. You take back what you said earlier; he evidently was not past his awkward phase. “It felt nice.”

 “Yeah, it did, and now we won’t be able to cuddle because I’m going to keep thinking about sleeping with you!” He grumbled, moving to the other couch, as if he was trying to put a decent amount of distance between you.

 With hurt evident on your face, you stared at him for a second in disbelief.

 “You say it like it’s a bad thing!”

 “It is when we’re in a town that we don’t know, with no condoms on hand! We don’t even know where the drug store is to get them! Or even Plan B!”

 Pursing your lips, you scowled at him. “Is that the only reason why you won’t sleep with me? We have no condoms?”

 “That, and I’m not letting you lose your virginity on a couch.” He sighed, running his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends in frustration. “I want you, but you deserve better than sofa sex.”

 “Then let’s go to one of the rooms,” You whined, standing up and pulling his hands gently. He gritted his teeth, annoyance shining through his features.

 “Are you not listening to me? We don’t have –”

 “We do, just come with me.”

 Ignoring his spluttering and (many) questions, you walked to the room you had claimed for the trip, rummaging through your hastily packed suitcase for the condoms you had purchased on a whim.

 “So, you planned this?” Jungkook asked, eyes narrowing in faux suspicion. “Did Tae’s car really have to be towed or did you just tell them to stay away?”

 “Your dick isn’t special enough to have a whole grand scheme, Jungkook.” You sighed exasperatedly while shoving your bag onto the floor. “Sorry to break the news to you.”

 “You don’t know, you haven’t had it yet.” He teased, pulling you down onto the bed. Rolling your eyes, you wondered if he had always been this annoying; you also wondered why you were so helplessly endeared by his foolishness. You froze after you realised you had been grinning at his stupid teasing. Well, that, was problem for another day.

 “Shut up and fuck me.” You grumbled, avoiding his eyes, unsure of how you would face him after being so brash.

 He clicked his tongue, ignoring your sudden shyness to pull you over him, forcing you to spread your thighs far apart to straddle him.

 “I promise I won’t be insufferable for the rest of tonight.” He promises, large hands running soothingly over your waist. You hummed in response (severely doubting how he could keep that promise, but whatever), your own hands resting on his shoulders, itching to cradle his face.

 “Kiss?” Your request came out mumbled, probably inaudible, but he indulged you.

 One of you sighed into the kiss, but with how close you were to one another, it was impossible to tell who it was. Regardless, you settled in, letting Jungkook’s tongue flit over yours, one of his hands coming up to your cheek to hold you closer.

 Leaning back into the pillows, his grip on your cheek and waist forced you to move downwards with him, suddenly crowding him with your familiar, sweet-scented perfume. In fear of falling onto him (which may have probably killed any sort of atmosphere you had going on), you pressed your hand into his chest, feeling the hardness of his muscles move under your touch.

 “You know, I still have a promise to make good on,” He mumbled onto your lips. You hummed in response, not in the slightest caring about whatever he was talking about. “Been thinking about eating you out ever since I saw you ride your pillow.”

 Okay, maybe you should care about what he was talking about.

 You tried not to think back to the last time you and Jungkook had fooled around, you really did. You should burn with shame or embarrassment whenever you think about that phone call, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to.

 Remembering his words, guiding you through your first orgasm alone, promising you lewd things, you often found yourself wanting to phone him again, just for a repeat of that. But you always talk yourself out of it before you could even go to his contact on your phone.

 Now, with Jungkook under you, his eyes wide, almost pleading to eat you out, you still couldn’t find it in yourself to feel shame.

 “Okay.” You whispered, trying your hardest not to smile at his barely contained happiness. He quickly sat back up again, tossing his shirt off before tugging your own off.

 “I know you want this, but if you want to stop, just tell me, okay?” Jungkook murmured, pulling off your pants gently. You nodded, too focused on watching him settle between your legs to give any other indication that you had heard him.

 Quickly spreading your legs, he left a trail of soft, light kisses along your inner thighs, hooking his fingers in between your skin and underwear, gently dragging the material down the length of your legs.

 “Pretty…” Jungkook mumbled, mouthing at your inner thigh, his sucking definitely leaving more than just goosebumps behind.

 After leaving enough marks, he pushed your thighs up to his shoulders, his arms holding onto your propped up legs, forcing you to keep them open.

 “Still good, sweetheart?” He asked, eyes flinting over to you, finally looking at the way you had attempted to control your breathing. Mercifully, he didn’t say anything about the speed in which your chest had been rising, nor did he say anything about the glazed-over look in your eye, but he gave you a small smile. “Stay with me, yeah? Can I go further?”

 “Uh-huh.” You mumbled, reaching out to grab the bed sheets in an attempt to ground yourself. Noticing this, he couldn’t help but grin, reaching out his hand from under your thigh and holding it tightly. “I’m okay, Kook. Promise.”

 He hummed, breath fanning over your over sensitised skin. Placing a kiss over your mound, Jungkook then used his free hand to spread apart your folds, his tongue immediately contacting your clit.

 Barely acknowledging your gasp by lazily looking up at you, he quickly closed his eyes again, savouring the pure taste of you completely coating his tastebuds. Breathing out through his nose, the trickle of air made you even more sensitive than what you already were, your grip on his hand tightening.

 Changing up again, he enveloped your clit with his lips, his plushness sucking gently enough to make you lay back against the pillows entirely. Jungkook let his spit dribble onto your exposed folds, letting it drip down to your fluttering core, before using his free hand to slowly push his spit in.

 Trying his best to open you up slowly on a single finger, you appreciated his caution with you, his face showing just how serious he was about making sure you were okay. Even though you knew he wouldn’t tease you about anything you two had done tonight, you felt ashamed because you didn’t feel embarrassed by anything that had happened. You always thought this was going to be the most embarrassing moment of your life, but somehow, everything just felt right, and you–

 “Are you done looking at me like I hung up the stars?”

 God, even with his tongue on your clit and fingers shoved up you, he was still annoying.

 “You’re such an asshole sometimes,” You complained, opting to look up at the ceiling instead of at him.

 “Can this asshole add another finger?” He asked casually, the single finger in you never ceasing movement. Taking your silence as a yes, he easily slipped a second finger in, mouth going slack seeing how well you opened up for him. “Fuck, babe, see how well you’re opening up for me? Pretty pussy dripping all over my fingers.”

 You let out an involuntary whimper, absolutely loving the words spilling out of his mouth. He looked up at you, face full of cockiness, his fingers moving much quicker now. Unhooking his arm around your thigh, he moved up the bed, face coming right above yours.

 “Do you know how fucking wet you just got, baby?” He murmured into your ear. “Do you like it when I talk to you like this? Like being my good girl, being perfect for me?”

 He had slipped in a third finger in the middle of his sentence, barely being acknowledged by you because you were already so far gone in your pleasure, his voice only making everything hotter.

 “Kookie, don’t want to cum on your fingers.” You breathed, forcing yourself to open your eyes and look at him. He hummed non-committedly, ignoring your request and speeding up his fingers.

 “Where do you want to cum then, pretty?” He cooed, enjoying seeing you struggle to keep your focus on him. “On my tongue? Want me to lick up every drop of you?”

 “No!” You gasped, gripping his wrist so that he couldn’t fuck you open on his fingers anymore. “Cock please. Give it to me. Let me cum with you, please?”

 Jungkook said nothing, opting to kiss you hard, his tongue immediately coming into your mouth and licking in every corner it could reach. He pulled his fingers out of you, blindly reaching across the bed to find the pack of condoms you had haphazardly pushed away.

 “I wish I could’ve seen you buy these.” He panted, shoving off his pants after successfully locating the box. You grinned, admittedly tired, but ignoring your fatigue in favour of seeing him pull down his tight boxers, muscled thighs begging to have your hands over them. “You would’ve been so cute, all shy and embarrassed.”

 “Can you not call me cute while I’m waiting to be fucked?” You scowled, watching him unroll the condom over his length. Much like the first time you had seen his length, you felt saliva pool in the corners of your mouth, forcing yourself to remember to swallow. “Can I suck your dick?”

 “I thought you wanted to cum together?” He teased, propping open your legs again and gently wiping away stray strands of hair from your face. “I thought you were being romantic?”

 “I mean… Later. After. You know.” You spluttered, your brain not working at all after being touched so tenderly. He raised his eyebrow, a fighting off the grin on his face but he said nothing.

 He leaned up, the tip of his length catching against your entrance, and kissed you gently.

 “Still okay, baby?” He whispered, right hand running up and down your side as you squirmed. “Ready for me?”

 You nodded, bringing both your hands to the back of his head and tugging him down so that you could kiss him again. Feeling him slowly push into you, you had to remind yourself to breathe evenly, ignoring the dull ache of being properly stretched out, instead focusing on licking into Jungkook’s mouth.

 It felt as his length was burning you into two, his girth something you had evidently overlooked. Nonetheless, you tightened your legs around his waist, keeping him in place for a while, letting you get used to the sensation of having him in you.

 “Holy, fuck.” He breathed, burying his head in the crook of your neck. “Shit, you feel so warm and tight, and – fuck, Y/N.”

 Giving an experimental thrust after a few moments, he all but preened after hearing a small moan come from your parted lips. Quickly moving his mouth over yours, he swallowed every sound you made, forcing himself to let you adjust to being properly filled before he moved anymore.

 “Jungkook?” You mumbled, feeling boneless. He hummed, moving his kisses down to your jaw. “Want you.”

 “You want me?” He chuckled, breathless. You nodded helplessly, trying to get him to move. “Go ahead and have me, baby. I’m yours.”

 With that, his hands engulfed your own, holding them onto the bed as he begun properly thrusting into you, albeit small ones. Your breathing changed, somehow becoming even more ragged than they already were, but he took it in stride.

 His thrusts didn’t hurt perse, but there was the slightest discomfort, which had been greatly offset by how he slowly pushed his pelvic bone against your clit; the added sensation enough for you to throw your head back against the pillow.

 After a while of doing this, Jungkook snapped his head up to focus on your half-closed eyes, kissing the corner of your mouth.

 “Okay, baby?” He panted, muscles visibly tensing from holding himself back. “Can I go faster?”

 Nodding frantically, he bit down a chuckle, knowing that laughing mid-thrust was probably the fastest way to get him from the bed to the floor. He was ripped out of his thought when you let out a high-pitched moan, forcing him to get harder.

 “Always sound so pretty for me, hmm?” He mumbled, sweat starting to shine on his skin from his exertion. His skin kept hitting yours, not that you could complain, but the sounds in the room were absolutely filthy.

 You knew if you looked down, you’d find yours and his thighs reflecting the tiniest bits of light from having your arousal everywhere, but you were too embarrassed to do so. Acknowledging how wet you were meant acknowledging how much you liked this side of Jungkook; asking him to be your first had definitely ruined you for other men. Your mind was getting foggier with each time he thrusted into you, but he’d ruined your expectations for everything in a partner. You already knew that no one would compare to him.

 “Jungkook?” You mumbled, small moans escaping you with every thrust. He hummed, hips still smacking into yours, causing you to jolt up the bed. “Close…”

 “Close to coming for me, sweetheart?” He groaned, sneaking his hand between your bodies, thumbing at your clit. Grinning when he felt you clench around him, you tried to blink away the tears you felt burning at the back of your eyes.

 “Want to cum so bad,” You babbled, gasping when he started thrusting harder after seeing your eyes well up with tears. “Jungkook, please–”

 “Keep your eyes open,” He panted, length twitching inside of you, seeing the first tear fall down your face. “You said you wanted to cum with me, right?”

 Nodding quickly, hands running up his arms to anchor yourself, you felt yourself teeter on the edge, so close to coming that you felt almost delirious. He started thrusting deeper, pushing out more tears and inaudible moans out of you.

 With sweat beading on his forehead, he panted out a couple curses. “Fuck, Y/N, cum for me. You look so pretty like this, all fucked out. Been so good for me, so perfect–”

 You came in the middle of his sentence, your moaning and panting cutting him off as your core muscles clenched around him. Feeling boneless, you were so lost in your own high that you didn’t even realise he had tensed up above you, groaning your name straight into your ear, filling the condom with his cum.

 After a few minutes, Jungkook sat up to face you, his chest still rising unevenly. “Are you feeling okay, baby?”

 Nodding, you tried smiling at him, but you don’t know if your tiredness allowed it. “Feel amazing.” You mumbled, cradling his cheek with one hand.

 “You look so pretty when you cry.” He said softly. You breathed out through your nose, laughter bubbling on your tongue. “I don’t know if it’s a fucked up thing to like, but I like knowing I give you so much pleasure that you don’t know how to handle it.”

 “You’ve had a thing for me crying ever since you taught me how to go down on you,” You teased, pushing strands of his hair back. “Going down on you didn’t exactly give me the pleasure you’re talking about.”

 “You just look really pretty after I’ve ruined you.” He poked back, kissing your fingertips. You tried not to roll your eyes at his cockiness, but you couldn’t help but agree with him.

 “Yeah,” You sighed, thinking back to how your realised no one could ever match up to him. “You kind of have ruined me, you know? Where am I supposed to find a boyfriend who holds my hand while they eat me out? You’ve ruined me for everything after you.”

 Jungkook paused, contemplating his next words carefully, before sighing, gathering the courage.

 “I can be your boyfriend who holds your hand and eats you out,” he said softly, forcing himself to look at you. “I want to be your boyfriend. I want to hold your hand even when I’m not eating you out.”

 You tried supressing your giddy grin, but obviously failed, after seeing Jungkook whine at you.

 “Stop laughing at me while I still have my dick in you!”

 “I’m not!” You defended, giggles skipping through your throat, unable to suppress your joy. “I’m just trying to think of a way to remind my boyfriend that he promised I could suck his–”

[apollos-boyfriend]

do you have a decent way for me to know c michael lore i want to know so badly but you are legitimately the first person ive heard mention him since he joined

YOU HAVE COME TO THE RIGHT GUY. i’ll probably make these into a masterpost later but i’m working on a project due in eight hours so this’ll do for now

first radio broadcast: [link]

going to town: [link]

second radio broadcast: [link]

lore summary (of sorts): [link]

in summary, michael joined the dream smp after dream was put in prison. because of his timing, everyone was closed-off and weary, and gave him little to no answers about anything. after his house got threatened with arson, he decided to move out of the greater dsmp/l’manberg area and into his own bunker. he has since started a radio show, title unknown, broadcasting in hopes people will either hear him and give him answers, or join him in his solitude

c!michael’s chat manifests in the form of cc!michael’s mascot, alesa, pictured below! what she is, no one knows, but she’s toted around in a little baby bjorn thanks to a client-side mod :] dsmp!alesa doesn’t really have a personality due to her just being a backpack/chat, but alesa the mascot is full of it! she’s snarky, with a sharp tongue and wit to match, and can be seen often clowning on michael light-heartedly. she’s also a graffiti artist!

c!michael is, canonically, a conspiracy theorist, especially when it comes to the previous events of the smp. he likes to blow his beliefs out of proportion when talking to others for shits and giggles, having managed to once convince foolish that he believes in the flying spaghetti god. he has, however, also shown to believe in aliens, so how exaggerated he “makes” his beliefs out to be is somewhat unknown! he is also my scrunkly and my absolute beloved who i would kill for without fucking hesitation

edit: while people make him out to be a c!dream stan/simp because of a stream he did a long time ago about trying to break dream out of prison and calling dream his beloved, or something along those lines, that seems to have been decanonized. c!michael does not know a thing about c!dream, much less enough to support/simp for him

[fixing-bad-comic-art]

I think the funniest thing with industry professionals throwing a fit over small time artists fixing their art for fun is like... they and people defending them will say it's justified bc it wasn't asked for but like bro. The very act of making art in a professional lens opens it up to critiques and fixes i'm just an animation student and my art gets fixed every day bc that's how it works! And it's not just for school the industry works the same way! You have to push a pose here keep more on model there or else the film falls apart comic artists have it too good they feel the need to soothe their egos on social media bc someone dared treat them like a professional lol

ok i think this ask just made something click in my brain. like it got the hamster running on its lil wheel and everything

Like, i Really try to keep my professional life and personal life separate to stave off them merging and driving me Insane,

But I am a professional artist, thats what it says on my buisness cards and everything, and I work with a decently sized firm. I spend roughly 5 hours out of every 8 hour day making art as my job. And the thing is? On all that art, all those designs, theres At Least three or four other people who make edits along side their additions, its not uncommon for something ive worked on as artist number three to pass under ten other peoples pens before its out the door.

As part of my actual real life job, i make edits on other peoples art All the time, and they make edits on mine. and thats just part of working at any kind of firm or company.

which makes this whole situation even funnier. bc Soup Man's comic art, unless he does all his own inks, colors, shading, text laying, etc etc, has been edited by someone before its even been published.

It never once occurred to me that an actual professional would care. bc like you said, thats part of the Job. No sane professional is precious with their shit bc like, Why should they be?? you make the thing and pass it on, what happens after it leaves your desk isnt your problem anymore, and fixating on it will make you everyones least favorite coworker because you're fucking annoying and No this Definitely Is not derailing into a Vague Post about Any of my coworkers, i love them all, Definitely, 100 percent. Im Shutting Up Now.

[britishassistant]

From one gut punch to another, but fluff edition: I think Divus hates when Yuu gets sick. Being a test tube baby, Yuu must have missed out on the natural immunities given by typical pregnancy. So when they were really young they would get ill very fast and very terrible. You can’t tell me that first time parents Roger and Anita wouldn’t panic when faced with the dreaded stomach bug. And who else to watch the pup when they run out for supplies then their “Uncle Crew”. At first, Crewel would consider it an triumph that Yuu could get sick since most of his creations have natural immunity, but that immediately changed and suddenly he was panicking too after Yuu had a pretty nasty burst of coughing. After all Yuu is the first creation that he’s ever made that was meant to be fragile, he’s not exactly equipped with how to deal with that. Nowadays Yuu mostly just suffers in silence, but if Crewel happens to hear that a certain reporter is under the weather, The Perfect will mostly likely stumble back into their apartment to find a care package from him with all their childhood treatments and the decent medicine.

@coffee-or-hot-cocoa said: hahaha how about yuu getting sick with a cold, lol the city must be the verge on a civil war with all the villains arguing who takes care of yuu, no crimes where committed but breaking and entering and the occasional medicine theft, they could've had kidnapped a doctor, but nothing says "look i'm husband material" by treating them to get better by helping them themselves. I keep imagining riddle with trey bringing some soup but then being shoved to the side from jade and floyd, with them bringing blankets and medicine, only to be beaten by the savana trio, by them taking a nap with yuu.

Thank you for the ask, dear anon and @coffee-or-hot-cocoa !

And oh. Oh. That makes so much sense and makes me so soft, I declare it canon.

Because Yuu’s lacking in these natural defenses, they tend to be someone who goes all out when they get sick. By which I mean they’re never someone who can have ‘just a light cold’, because their body just goes to the greatest extreme, from 0 to 100 in a matter of hours. They get awful fevers, migraines that leave them hardly able to think, body-wracking coughs, upset stomachs that mean they’re unable to even keep water down, sore throats which quickly devolve into tonsillitis, and that’s if they’re lucky and their symptoms are mild.

And they’ll still try to go to work in this state, because they’re a dumb workaholic.

Yuuken is in charge of turning them around, sitting them back in the car, and driving them home to rest.

It was particularly scary for Anita and Roger when Yuu was small, because chicken pox hit them like a freight train when it went through their class at school, leaving them ill enough for two weeks that they were contemplating taking Yuu to the emergency room so they could at least get the fluids they were losing via IV drip.

Crewel found it fascinating at first, as all of his creations have natural immunity built into them, so nothing can stop them when they rampage. Seeing one of them laid low by a mere disease, it’s a new experience that needs to be documented to its fullest extent to gather valuable data.

Of course it stops being so ‘fascinating’ once it becomes clear how much #Y26 is suffering, how much longer they’ve been bedridden when compared to normal rates of recuperation in children their age, long enough that the idea of them just not recovering at all becomes a viable option.

That’s when Crewel stops collecting data and starts working on a way to cure Yuu or alleviate the worst of their symptoms.

It’s also why he gets so pissy when he finds out what the supervillains are doing while Yuu’s sick. What don’t those numbskull puppies understand about avoiding stressing out the patient and the dangers of weakened immune systems?! Do they want the reporter to stay ill for longer under their antics?? It’s not like they’ll even be able to remember any of the ‘caretaking’ that they’re hoping will earn them brownie points, given how out of it Yuu always ends up!

He usually descends like a fashionable yet wrathful god, chasing the unruly puppies out of the reporter’s apartment with a rolled up newspaper before they can make the situation worse. The best thing they can do is leave their offerings of soup and medicine for Crewel’s perusal and back off quickly. Attempting to force their way in or sneak Yuu out is a fast way to incur Crewel’s cold fury. The Diasomnia, Octavinelle and Savannaclaw supervillain groups learned that the hard way.

Yuuken quickly won Crewel’s favor when they first met by staying as far away as he could when Yuu came down with flu while they roomed together, and doing exactly what Crewel advised him to after he had to leave Yuu in Yuuken’s care overnight, asking sensible questions when unclear about his directives. That at least showed Crewel that Yuuken was willing to do what was necessary to return Yuu to health rather than fulfill a certain ideal of caretaking that’s ultimately more self-serving than actually helpful.

Yuu wakes up a few days later with a can of tuna perched on their chest, grumbling about the remnants of a headache and wondering how much they’re going to need to play nursemaid after Uncle Divvy got done with their supervillain admirers this time.

[nialltlynch]

five favorite fics that I've written (for writer appreciation day)

tagged by kat @sleepy-skittles thank u thank u 😘😘

5. in the garden sleeps a messenger — one of two non birdverse fics ive posted!! the target audience for this fic was me, twenty some odd years ago. ((love u bitch 🥰🥰)) anyway. edea and seifer have Thee Most Interesting Dynamic. it is insane to me how little there is about them. theres mommy issues. theres a highly problematic age gap. theres a concerning power dynamic. theres a hot evil milf with a banger aesthetic. theres the time loop or whatever the fuck was going on there. succession of witches defined my life for over a decade. seifer is into petplay i know this i know this. theres SO MUCH to explore here and it's all so underutilized in the game. this fic honestly does not even begin to get into but i consider it a decent first exploration and hopefully when i have time and energy i can do it a bit more justice. as it is though i really enjoy it!!

4. without a me there is no you —

She has the same blush rounding her cheeks and the same quiet, nervous laughter as the young Mór many years ago who muffled her kisses on Niall's mouth.

this bit was floating around in my head with perfectly clarity when i woke up one day and i immediately wrote out about six hundred words surrounding it on my phone before getting out of bed. im really interested in the implications of niall dreaming a docile sweet mannered replacement wife and i thought it would be interesting to explore it a bit from mór's perspective because she would be so impossibly biased. also thought it would be interesting if she fucked above mentioned replacement. this was my first time really trying to inhabit mór which, let me tell you, is really hard when the only canon information is scraps.

3. ambilevous — oh handcat fic, my weird little brain worm. all my fics are elaborate, long overstayed jokes in one way or another but this one i wrote specifically because the concept was just sooooo silly to me. absolutely absurd. certified kk comedy hour. it is, in usual fashion, a thinly veiled exploration of the more fucked up lynch family dynamics and how the barns arent quite what they seem but of course it is.

2. smoke alarms, smoke — my first exploration of the lynch family 🥰 it means a lot to me. i love this fic. the idea of the barns as a beautiful fairy tale ending had always rubbed me the wrong way and of course i love the slow desolation of locations through those that inhabit it which, really, what is the barns if not a haunted house waiting to happen. thats the part thats lacking (unfortunate!!) but i did get to write declan as a sad sad little kiddy which is one of my few life joys. i loved it when i wrote it and i love it now (which is saying a lot). while it isnt everything i want it to be i do very much love what it is!

1. it's a gift to be simple, it's a gift to be free — my aurora character study and probably the best thing ive written thus far...maybe ever. i honestly have no idea what the fuck i was on when i wrote this but god i wish i could get it back. some of my personal favorite prose comes from this fic. its a very personal fic in that i centered the emotional core on some of my own life bullshit. stylistically i owe so much of this fic to catherine valente's comfort me with apples which i had read around then (as if it wasnt obvious). i had already been thinking about aurora and her role in the lynch family but reading that helped solidify the tone i really wanted. this is another fic i sat down, wrote, and edited all in one night. i think if i hadn't posted it then it would've languished in editing hell so im very happy with what i put out.

oh and the recurring knife thing was because i was having feelings about knife maintenance, as one does. (if anyone wants me to come over and sharpen their kitchen knives and make you dinner lmk)

ive seen this passed around and lost track of who's already done it so if you would like participate then i am tagging you now. enjoy ((:

[steepgan]

someone dear (i) — d. ragnvindr x f!reader

PART I - PART II - PART III

bye i created this on a whim ive always wanted to write an mc who just likes money yet still carries the “happiness/freedom” ideals of mondstadt.. essentially its an mc whos like hell yeah i love money <3 and fun..!!! okay also i did not edit this at all i was just like <3 writing time baby..

Of course, working for the wealthiest gentleman in Mondstadt was no easy task. There were two places you could work: Dawn Winery or Angel’s Share. The winery, settled in the countryside, was a cozy job with friendly workers who saw rolling hills of green every day; however, the only available occupation within your skillset was being a maid. So you worked at Angel’s Share which was planted in the city, and there you were greeted with weary workers and angry people. It was plenty more fun, anyway.

Your boss was as impassive as a tree, giving you your pay and leaving you be. He kept a strange emotional distance. Which was fine. Totally fine. But whenever you wanted a raise, his aloof attitude warded you off and you’d tell yourself you’d try next time.

Growing up in a household where money was a prominent figure in your life, you had materialistic values and a great love for money. So during your employment at the tavern, you picked up more shifts than anyone else and seldom splurged. You were stuck giving your laments to your friends and returning customers who were kind enough to humor wails.

“One of these days, Lisa, I’m actually going to lose it,” you said to the librarian of the knights. You slumped your body on the bar, clearly in a professional fashion. “What do you want to drink?”

Lisa gave you a pitying look. “You could always become a knight or an adventurer. They receive plenty of pay through commissions.”

“No, thank you! I kind of want to live.”

“I don’t think I’ll have anything to drink,” Lisa said. She laughed at your sullen expression. “Today, at least. I have to explore these ruins later today. I really, really don’t want to, but Jean is making me.”

You slid a tin can labelled TIPS to Lisa. “Every time you don’t want to do something it’s five mora.”

“Since when did this become a thing?”

“It’s always been a thing. I was just giving you a family-friend discount up until now.”

Lisa dropped the coins into the can. You smiled at the sound of click-clank. Lisa rested her cheek on the palm of her hand and said, “have you ever thought about… not working for the tavern? I’m sure there are other places in the world that’ll appreciate your pleasant company.”

“Yeah, but Master Diluc pays the best in Mondstadt if you don’t have a decent education under your belt,” you said dryly. “I’d have to travel out of Mondstadt to find a better opportunity.”

“There’s always the cathedral,” Lisa offered. 

“Do you see me as a devout follower to any god other than money? [Name], Humble Follower of Barbatos Since The Beginning! Engrave that on my tombstone, would you?”

“I don’t really want to do that.”

You pushed the tin can toward the librarian.

Lo and behold, the man of the hour strutted in with his typical apathy. If he carried himself with a more open chest and with his chin up, you’d find him more agreeable, more approachable. He’d be knightly, even. But Diluc hated knights. He hated small talk, too. He hated a lot of things.

He was a man of good looks and good fortune, in addition to being Mondstradt’s most eligible brooding bachelor bastard, donning a nice black coat with golden trimmings and tassels. A coat that’d fetch a nice price if you were to pawn it off. Not that you were thinking about selling your boss’ clothes. He stood at a decent height with his vermillion messy hair tied back and narrow eyes framed with thick lashes. 

When Diluc walked through the doors, he didn’t spare you a glance before climbing up the stairs to deal with some other matters. As long as you did your job, he didn’t bother you.

Lisa whistled. “He’s so cold.”

“Pays well, though,” you murmured absentmindedly. Lisa looked as if she wanted to say something. Maybe it was something about how money didn’t exactly suffice for human relationships. Or something about her future job for the knights. Whatever was on the tip of her tongue, she chose not to say it, and dropped a few more mora coins into your little tin can.

Your relationship with Diluc was strange. You took enough shifts to be one of the most well-compensated workers under him, but you didn’t exactly know Diluc outside of his cool exterior. You didn’t know if you’d wanted to, either. Some nights, he’d come home right before the tavern’s opening, his clothes tattered and dirty and a grim feature coating his pretty features.

Typically you’d be working and cleaning, and you’d nod to him. Diluc would then take off to the second floor of the tavern. You never questioned it. You never would, either, unless you were paid to do so. 

One late night, it was just you cleaning up for the night and Diluc sitting at the bar, going through some papers. Diluc offered to take Charles’ shift for the day, to which the man was grateful for. As you were wiping down the bar, Diluc said, “I never knew we had a tip jar.”

“It’s an ongoing gag with Lisa,” you said. “Please don’t mind it.” It wasn’t a lie, exactly. It was a joke with Lisa! You simply kept it out on the counter for every customer to see all day and all night. If they happen to drop mora in there for your charming smile and excellent service, who were you to stop them?

Diluc said nothing. You hadn’t expected him to. He’d let it slide, you supposed. If the tavern had a best employee of the month award, you would have won it consecutively for the last few years you’d been employed under the pretty man. However, Diluc was no great lover of trivial awards that were actually poorly concealed incentives, and as long as you were paid accordingly, you didn’t care about awards, either.

“If you needed a raise then say it,” he said suddenly. And you were surprised.

“Thank you,” you said.

“No need.”

When you left the tavern you squealed. Patton, the caller, awoke from his nap from a chair supposedly for customers. His legs had been propped on the accompanying table, which you had cleaned earlier so you didn’t have to deal with a certain customer who had too much to drink inside.

Patton rubbed his eyes groggily. “What’s up, [Name]?”

“I got a raise!” you exclaimed. “I’m so happy I could kiss you right now, Patton.”

“Please don’t,” he said. “What’s that in your hand?”

“Oh, leftovers.” You gave the small bag you were holding a good jostle. “It’s for the dog up there. I have a habit of feeding him every once in a while whenever there’s good scraps.”

Patton eyed you. “If you get bit and infected with rabies, maybe I’ll take your raise. Try and pet it for me, would you?”

“In your dreams, Patton.”

After a few taunts and banter, you left Patton alone. In a few hours, you’d come back to the tavern to work more. Before your mom had been hospitalized, you’d maybe put your extra money to treat yourself to Good Hunter or to buy new clothes. 

Of course, while money was one of your many goals, you had other aspirations as well. More than anything, you’d like to resume a humble life in Mondstadt. If you could afford it, then you’d travel to Liyue and sightsee. And then maybe a little further. But you’d always return to Mondstadt. It was just home to you, and you liked home.

You crouched and fed the dog. He pressed his snout into your palm, warm and comforting. You giggled and finished the leftovers from your little sack. As much as Patton wanted you to die of infection, the dog was very tame and kind toward you. He let you brush his fur and scratch behind his ears. If you had enough patience and enough time, you’d teach him to bite Patton.

The next day, you were working with Charles, as per usual. He’d been working here far longer than any of you. You’d been employed here for a while now, and you’d come to know the man quite well after rowdy nights and quiet days in the tavern. He despised a drunk customer as much as you, but whenever you were on shift with him, he always offered to take care of it.

If not you, then Charles would get the nonexistent employee of the year award.

“Just put up a work wanted poster,” Charles said, cleaning a glass. “Judging by our usuals, we won’t get an honest inquiry for it in a while.”

You, who’d been making an apple cider, said, “oh, for the boars?” While you did want to work at the winery for its pleasant view and people, there were boars who’d been uprooting vines and you did not want to tussle with a boar. 

“Say, [Name], you heard of the Darknight Hero?”

“Who hasn’t?” you asked. “My friends talk about him all the time. Everyone likes a good mystery around these parts. Have you seen the library? Oh, and the idea of him being handsome isn’t that bad… Do you think he’s rich, Charles?”

Charles snorted. “If he can afford to leave at night to protect Mondstadt, then he must be rich. He’s no worker like us, but he’s definitely noteworthy. He may as well just be an urban rumor, though, so don’t go around trying to seduce him only to get into his pockets.”

“I would never!”

“I saw you make eyes at a customer who was wearing very fine jewelry that could be pawned off for a high price.”

“I liked her eyes. They were kind. Reminded me of a princess from a fairytale.”

Diluc came from upstairs to the first floor. He was the same as he’d always been—closed off, calm, and collected. Fitting. He cast a quick glance at you and Charles before disappearing outside onto the streets of Mondstadt.

“That’s Master Diluc for you,” Charles said. “So elusive you could call him a ghost. A handsome, ghost, that is.”

“I barely know anything about him,” you said. “Elusive is correct, if not absolutely distant.”

“Really? You should talk to him more often.”

There was already a set difference between you and Charles. Firstly, it would be the years working at Angel’s Share. Charles knew Diluc more than you did. You wanted to point this out, but instead you slumped your shoulders. “He’s just so unapproachable, Charles. You wouldn’t understand. That mustache of yours makes you look amicable and agreeable.”

Charles self-consciously twirled the end of his mustache. He looked as if he wanted to say something. He turned back to his work, setting the clean glass down. “You and Master Diluc seem to complement each other, that’s all.”

You were very friendly and a good person underneath all your materialistic values. Had it not been for Diluc’s offstandish personality, maybe you and Diluc would be a little more than boss and employee. Maybe you and Diluc would be friends.

Of course, your main focus was your happiness and sanity. If you’d interacted with Diluc outside of work, you might’ve gone insane. Oh! And money. It was always money. You watched a customer drop a few mora into the tip jar.

PART I - PART II - PART III

[morganlegaye]

Hello um may I ask a question? I just started my first ever fic when usually I write my own things away from any fandom. I’ve been posting to ao3, I spend hours upon hours getting a chapter done, proof read and edit about 30 times before I’m satisfied enough to post it, I try to keep it as original as possible however I’m quickly losing motive, I don’t care for numbers or views but this has made me care a little. I’ve found that a lot of fics that are written by someone who’s first language isn’t English do grab a lot more attention, the language barrier is obviously not a problem ive read many fics that I’ve thoroughly enjoyed who were written by a non English speaking person. The fics I’m referring to have very lose and sporadic storylines, they don’t make any sense because of the lose ends all through it, it’s very ‘and this happens and then this happens and now this happens’ but nothing is explained, these fics gain almost three times the attention mine does and I’m confused at what I could be doing wrong. I’m not entirely new to writing but I feel like my effort is being wasted. I started it for myself and not to please every person who finds it but seeing this has definitely knocked my confidence… what could be the problem?

It depends on the fandom. The pairing. The following the author has already. I have a semi-decent following from posting fic for nearly 20 years now, but when I get into a new fandom it still takes a bit for me to establish myself. When I first dropped DFT I actually got annoyed at how little attention it got, as it had been a while since I wrote for a new fandom and straight-up forgot that there's a bunch of people on the other side of the fence who have no idea who I am and how I write, and that will always be a majority no matter how many dedicated readers you have that will follow you from fandom to fandom. But I kept posting, and eventually, it got the attention I had first expected it to get.

And believe me, I understand how fucking annoying it is when what you feel is sub-par fic gets crazy attention when you feel like yours is better and it's not fair that everyone loves something that has terrible characterization, or a shitty/disjointed plot, more than yours that you know is better. But that can be due to a couple factors: one, the pairing is very niche, so people can't really be picky and tend to just latch on to whatever's around; two, the author had been around since the beginning and has been long established as one of the "founding fic writers" in the fandom, so the quality no longer really matters as they are popular regardless; three, its a fandom that just enjoys "simple" fics like that - especially if the majority of the fandom is younger, like teenagers or early 20s; or four, your fic just hasn't been discovered by enough people yet, and you need to give it time.

there really is so many factors to take into account, but the main thing is to not get discouraged. i know feedback is invaluable to your self-esteem, believe me, but at the end of the day you wrote this story for yourself more than others, and as someone who constantly goes back and reads my own writing, you'll want to finish it one day or the one getting the most pissed about the lack of ending will be yourself.

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[megashadowdragon]

on lukes moment of weakness and how it is fitting for luke  among other comments

Personally I TOTALLY believe that George's Luke would have been VERY similarly to Rian's Luke.

And here is the reason why.... Luke has almost always been George's insert (lucas pronunced luke S )  and it makes total sense for Luke to be "exiled" and secluded away just as George became with Star Wars after the backlash of the prequels. But at the end of it, he comes back and stands up for what makes Star Wars what it is. Which is what Luke does for the Jedi and themes of Star Wars by the end of TLJ. He has learned from his mistakes, atoned for them, found redemption, confronted those he has failed, inspired hope, and learned to show compassion once again.

Now while George may have done it differently, I do believe that Luke being in exile was a metaphor for George's own relationship with Star Wars and its fandom.

www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/ebb4f3/lukes_momentaneous_thought_of_killing_ben_solo/

I know I'm stepping on dangerous territory here by talking about The Last Jedi, and I only do this because I think this is an interesting take on a key moment of the movie. Just bear in mind that I do not intend to make my point-of-view the absolute truth of it. After all, this is just my opinion.

We all know very well how divisive Episode VIII was, with many people pationately hating that movie. One of the main reasons of complaint is the fact Luke Skywalker had attempted to kill his apprentice and nephew, Ben Solo, because he sensed the Dark Side to be too strong in the latter. Luke Skywalker, the only person in the entire galaxy that saw there was still light in Darth Vader, tried to kill his relative. When even Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda had lost all hope Anakin could be saved, Luke helped putting him on the path of redemption, helping Vader turn back to the Light and fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One. It seems to be an insult that this same character gave up on his nephew so easily and tried to kill him.

I believe things must be analyzed more carefully.

I've just finished marathoning the Skywalker Saga (by the way, I STRONGLY recommend the Ersnt Rister order: IV-V-I-II-III-VI) and noticed something very interesting while watching Return Of The Jedi.

During the final moments of Luke and Vader's duel aboard the Death Star II, we see the young Jedi Knight wants to avoid fighting his father so as not to fall in the trecharous web of Palpatine, who wants to turn the young Skywalker to the Dark Side. Luke is hiding beneath the Emperor's throne. Vader chases him and, through the Force, reads Luke's thoughts to lure him into confrontation:

You cannot hide forever, Luke. Give yourself to the Dark Side. It is the only way you can save your friends. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... sister! So, you have a twin sister!

In this moment, we see Luke's face and he's completely terrified by the idea Darth Vader found out about his sister. It is something new and Luke fears for Leia's well-being. Also, we hear from Vader's words that he cares a lot about his friends, the people he loves. Vader continues:

Your feelings have now betrayed her too. Obi-Wan was wise to hide her from me. Now his failure is complete. If you will not turn to the Dark Side, THEN PERHAPS SHE WILL!

Now we have something different. Since he was brought before the Emperor, Luke had been constatly confronted by Palpatine and Vader with the idea of him turning to the Dark Side. When Vader talks about the possibility of that happening to Leia, it's not a threat directed to him, but to someone he loves. In this moment, Luke loses it completly and attacks Vader viciously, totally enraged. The Sith Lord can't stand the power of his son, fuelled by hate and falls to the ground, defeated. In this moment Luke is prepared to make the final blow, but then he hears Palpatine laughing and clapping. This makes him go back to his senses and realize what he's been doing. He then turns off his lightsaber and refuses to kill his father.

"I'm a Jedi, like my father before me" and so on... we know what happens, so let's fast-forward to The Last Jedi.

When Luke is confronted by Rey, who demands him to tell what had happened between him and Kylo Ren, we learn how things unfolded through Luke's perspective:

I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined.

In this moment of the flashback we see Luke's hand reaching out to his lightsaber, almost unconsciously. He then proceeds:

. He would bring destruction and pain and death, AND THE END OF EVERYTHING I LOVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HE WILL BECOME, AND FOR THE BRIEFEST MOMENT OF PURE INSTINCT, I THOUGHT I COULD STOP IT.

Here it is again. Like in Episode VI, we see Luke reacting in a similar way by the notion of something posing a threat not to him, but to the people he loves and cares about. Luke feared Ben would destroy everything he cherished, just like Vader had threatened by turning Leia to the dark. And, just like in the OT, it was a passing shadow:

It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.

I've already written way more than I expected, so I'll just conclude here. I've realized the act Luke commits in the Sequels is the same (or at least VERY similar) as from the OT: he attempted to kill Vader then his nephew, out of fear of seeing what/who he loved destroyed. He repented and managed to stop himself in the act in both situations. And he was ashamed. So, at least regarding this point of the movie, I see the same Luke Skywalker.

(luke had more to lose now then he did before 

another example which I saw dont remember where I saw it  but I saved the comments unfortunately I didnt put in the links:

edit: (now I remember www . reddit . com/r/StarWars/comments/9a3hdl/)

Luke considered killing Ben for about two seconds in a vulnerable moment

Sort of like he almost got baited into killing Vader by a few mocking words, and cut the hand off his own father in blind rage.

Luke is still just a person. If we've learned anything in Star Wars it's that the Jedi are not superhuman paragons of virtue and perfection, no matter how they might appear to the unwashed masses in the SW universe. They have the same flaws, temptations, failures, etc as anyone else. Yes the Force can help them overcome some of this, but they're far from perfect. Luke could have, and I agree should have grown in a positive way, but it's not impossible or even unbelievable that he didn't. He just had his life's labor wiped out in front of him and blamed himself for it. All those years of finding lost Jedi knowledge and artifacts, being what he believed to be the last Jedi in the universe with the responsibility to restart the order on his shoulders alone. All those lives that he took under his protection and guidance as the Master of the new order, wiped out in one night. Because of him (at least in his mind). Everything he was working towards for years just totally undone in a few hours and it was all his fault.

So he leaves and says fuck the whole lot of it. He lives by himself, stews in his misery and regret, retreats into himself and rejects the most foundational principle of the whole concept of being a Jedi: to help people. He's the most powerful Force user alive and he's wasting away by himself on some desolate rock, swearing off the rest of the galaxy because he thinks that he's a failure, that he wasn't strong or good enough, that he can't win, that it's not even worth it to try anymore, and that even at the height of his wisdom and power, it was all undone, and by himself no less.

another comment

Stuff has changed, I mean he’s quicker to come to his senses. I wouldn’t call that his flaw though. His flaw is one of his greatest traits, his care for his friends and family. It’s a flaw cause it causes implusive actions, lashing out on Vader, leaving Yoda, a single thought that he could stop a horrible fate in Ben.

I personal struggle with a temptation in my life, a temptation to do something my faith says is wrong to do. I may have overcome it some days, but other days, whether the same circumstances or not, I might fall into it. Temptations are a constant battle, not a one and done thing. Flaws are similar, you don’t just grow past a flaw after one instance.

Because a day may come when you will brought face-to-face with that temptation or flaw again, but the circumstances will be different, and it won’t be so easy to overcome.

You mentioned Toy Story in a post, and that’s a decent example when it comes to one facet. Woody might not get jealous when another flashy toy comes along that gets more attention like Buzz did.

A better example of the nagging of a temptation, like Luke dealt with, is in Lord of the Rings. The Ring is a constant temptation to the bearer and those around them. At least by the film, Frodo may have resisted the urge to use it under the tree, but he still was tempted to use it at other times, and it was a constant battle. Same with Bilbo. Bilbo held the ring for 60 years. And the temptation of it held him greatly. He drops the Ring in Bag End, letting it go. If he was viewed similarly to how people viewed Luke tossing the saber, that’d mean he freed himself from it’s grasp and from the temptation to take and use it. We see in Rivendell that isn’t the case for him. He has a moment of wanting to take it back, and even at the end of his time in Middle Earth, he inquires about it, although more innocently curious.

That would be more similar to Luke’s case. To fall to the dark is a constant temptation that Jedi should always be aware of, and if you get close at one point, there’s the possibility that it’ll happen again, and if you aren’t prepared or it comes in a different form, you’ll either fall or get really close.

That turned out longer than I meant it, but I see this idea and..it’s just not the case.

another comment 

Just because you get older doesn't mean you necessarily get wiser and better.

Jedi are still people (and some aliens, but you get the meaning), and the prequels (and even the OT) showed that even the oldest and wisest among the Jedi were capable of mistakes and misjudgments.

I think it's unreasonable to assume Luke should have become incapable of making, or even repeating mistakes and succumbing to emotion.

Right because people only get better as they get older and we grow past our flaws and doubts permanently right?

You guys are weird.

Luke overcame that moment of doubt before he almost struck Vader down and you think what ....... Luke got some kind of videogame like powerup where that character flaw would never come back again?

Some of you have a very black and white (boring) opinion on life and human growth.

Spoiler: People have flaws, we don't all overcome those flaws.Your boy Luke is no exception.

Consider what nearly proved to be his downfall in Return of the Jedi: for all the Emperor's taunting about the Rebel Alliance's imminent demise, it was Darth Vader who finally pushed his Berserk Button by discovering that Leia was his twin sister and suggesting that if Luke didn't change sides, he and his master might have better luck turning her. Then, when Luke went berserk, it totally worked: he curb-stomped Darth Vader and still didn't go evil in the end. His father's killing off the Emperor also put an end to a whole lot of the Empire's evil and birthed the New Republic.

Flash forward thirty years, and once again someone is threatening everyone and everything Luke loves, and killing the guy would surely preempt a whole lot of trouble. In his heart of hearts, he doubtless remembers what Yoda taught him about how easy and seductive the Dark Side is, but he also remembers how Yoda's mistake of hiding the truth about his lineage from him nearly brought his downfall. He also remembers how killing the Emperor solved so many problems the way he'd better not try to solve them this time... Well, what's so tempting about that?

Luke had more to lose at this time. He knew what a relatively free, peaceful Galaxy looked like, and had other students to care for besides Ben. Instinctively, he was acting out of concern for them. Luke makes an important point when he gives Rey the truth: it is a split second. Luke is a hero, but he's human. He was impulsive and acted on instinct in his youth, so the fear of Ben turning is enough to push him to the edge for a second.

hopeforben . tumblr . com/post/623000635980333056/theres-a-significant-portion-of-the-fandom-that/embed

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