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alltoolewis · 3 years

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30 with lando pls

"Ride me."- Lando Norris.

Summary- you and lando celebrate his highest placing poduim after you comfort his nerves before the Italian grand prix....

Words- 1808...

(Warnings- Alot of fluff & smut! 18+! You've been warned!)

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You couldn't believe how quickly it all flew by. It felt like just yesterday when you met him... you the new photographer for McLaren, who didn't have a clue about F1, moving away from everything you knew to travel round the world taking pictures of cars worth more than your credit card & him, the new rookie, who had so much confidence on the track but who had near to none when it came to speaking to women... until you came along & And now here you were... 3 years later, moved in together, traveling the world doing the thing both of you loved & what a better way than doing that together.

----

Your hands trembled just looking at him pacing the room,you could tell he was nervous.. I mean who wouldn't be, starting P3 in one of the most anticipated races of the calendar....

"Baby your making me dizzy" you giggled,slowly making your way over to him as he reaches for your clammy hand.

"Im sorry" he sighed, leaning into your touch as you pulled him closer "just nervous... I mean with all the pressure of me and danny starting up the grid & McLaren not having the season they hoped for, its just getting to me.. and you-" stopping himself, he looked deep into your eyes and for the first time you could see the panic and fear glossing his eyes like smoke...

"Im what baby?" You whispered, gently tracing your fingers though his newly combed locks, an action that you knew relaxed him...

"Your here..."

Confusion washed over you gently let go of him, taking a step back to watch his new fear wash over him..

"I can stay back here lando... if I'm the one making you nervous... I'm sure they wont mind me sitting out on this one, they have so many talented photographers, they won't miss m-"

Put of nowhere lando pulled you closer, locking your lips with his, taking all the unnecessary words out of your mouth.

"I'll miss you" lando mumbled against your lips, before pulling away pushing your forehead against yours...

"Your not the issue baby.. its just I know how dangerous this track is & I just don't want you to see anything that you shouldn't.... I couldn't cope with mysel-"

This time is was you to interrupt him, lifting up his chin to meet your.

"Lando I know the drill.... its not my first rodeo baby, every race is a dangerous one... I knew what I signed up for the minute I started falling in love with you & guess what... I dont regret one bit & you know why...?"

"Why?" He whispered, voice full of uncertainty.

"Because you.." you sighed, locking your lips with him again "are the best driver on that grid and you I've never been more proud of anything or anyone in my life.... your gonna be okay... and im gonna be right there for here for you, together forever eh?" You say, smirking as you see his face light up at your words, reaching out for your outstretched hand, locking your fingers as he repeated your words..

"Together forever"...

--------------

"How many more laps left??" You sighed, hands beginning to tremble as you looked at the monitor, lando dropping down to 6th after his pit.

"26" zac sighed as he sat next you, placing a hand on your knee "hes doing well you know.... he a supers-"

However zak never got to finish his praise as gasps fill the garage, looking up to see Max's car ontop of Lewis's. Heart skipping a beat as you realised just how close it was to being lando...

"I have to go- I... what if it was him.. he was so close to them he was only a second away... what if" you whispered all the possible scenerios as tear filled your eyes, causing zac to pull you closer...

"Listen... you can't live your life with what ifs (y/n).. it could of been him but guess what it wasn't andd look where he is know!" He smiles looking up at the monitor just as lando overtakes Charles, reaching p2.

"I mean you could leave... but Together forever I heard?" Zac smirks as he places a headset on your knee as he gets up to get back to his place... "just in case you want to pop in and check up on him... you stresshead"

As the lap count increased, so did your heart rate, as you seen lando still at p2 with 1 lap to go and a 2 second gap between him and perez. Hands hesitating to pick up the headset that remained on your knee like a safety blanket. Only picking it up as the mclaren garage erupts in applause, not only has lando picked up his highest ever poduim but Daniel won!

'Lets fucking go lads' lando screeches as you place the headset on, zac giving you a little nod, letting you know you can talk to him.

"Baby" you whisper through the mic, voice trembling with pride and emotion.

"(Y/n)!!! We did it! We fucking did it!!" Lando screams as he makes his way to the last corner..

"We lando?!? I didn't do anything but hid behind zac the whole time" causing lando to chuckle before the set goes dead and the garage yet again erupts... letting you know the mclarens have parked up.

Lando was the first one out, immediately running over to zac and the rest of the team, and although you could tell he was ecstatic, apart of you knew that he was gonna be disappointed about not getting p1... but he's a team player & at the end of the day thats all that matters.

After the hugs from the team, it was your turn to be pulled into your sweaty boyfriends arms, in the biggest bear hug you've ever been given.

"I'm sooo proud of you baby" you whisper, running your hand through is wet locks. Tears welling your eyes for what felt like the 50th time today.

"I love you so much" he screamed, picking your feet of the ground as he twirled you around, so fast you would of sworn he would of got the fastest lap!

"And by the way" he smirks, locking your lips with his "theres no me without you...."

However your sweet moment was inturpted as you get rudely pulled away from eachother by a certain ecstatic Australian....

"Alright love birds, plenty of that later" grabbing lando by the shoulders, pushing him towards the poduims "continue that later please, me and loverboy here have a shoey to do"

Your heart melts as you hear landos laugh, even from 10 meters away, but nothing made your race more than seeing him mouth the words anyone would dream about hearing.....

"Cant wait too rip them clothes off".....

And by lord did he keep his promise, not even being able to close the door before your 'mclaren 4' tshirt was pulled from your body.

"Ive been dying to do this from the moment I crossed that line" lando groaned as he pushed against the wall, using all his last energy, locking his lips with yours. Tounges fighting for dominance as he unhooks your bra, throwing it carelessly across the room.

Before you knew it you thrown on the bed, just as carelessly as your long forgotten bra.

"How the fuck did I get this lucky" lando moaned as he hovers over your already shaken body, eyes gazing over your bare body, filling with not only with lust but love....

Sitting up you, you lock your lips again....

"I should be saying that too you.." you mumble against his mouth, flipping your body ontop of his as your hands trace down his bare chest.

"Ahh taking in charge I see" he smirks, throwing his arms at the back of his head, as your unbutton his belt, seeing his hard cock push against the poorly made cotton.

"Only the best for my champion" you whisper, pulling down the last layer before getting to work. Lips locking over the tip, as you look straight in his eyes, making sure he can see the collection of pre-come of your tounge as it traces on his tip.

"Fuck doll..." lando wheezed as your hand goes up and down his shaft, his hands pulling your hair back as you take him deeper down your throat. His groans filling the room as your eyes welled up for a different reason this time as you feel his tip against the back of your throat, however you didnt have time to enjoy your meal for any longer as he pulls you away. Leaning down, he latches your lips to his, moaning as he tastes himself on your tounge.

"Dont want to finish in your mouth"

Laying back down, throwing one of your legs over his waist causing you to straddle him....

"Ride me." He demands, and like the good girl you were you took no time to fulfill his needs. Pulling out a condom from under the pillow he wa layed on..

"Dont judge me.. i knew this was gonna happen"

Lando chuckled as you slipped the condom on him, positioning yourself before sinking on him, Causing both of your breaths to hitch...

"Fuck (y/n)... how the fuck are you still this tight after 3 years of fucking you" lando moaned as your hips start to rock against his waist, finding your familiar rhythm as his hands find your waist. The sound of skin slapping could only be heard, as you allowed him to fill you up.

"Fuck lando" you yell throwing your hand back as he places his hand on your clit, matching the rhythm of your hips "dont stop" you scream as he picks up the pace.

Using his free hand to continue guiding your hips on his cock, pushing his hips up to meet yours.

Moans filled the air, both of you knowing full well that the rest of the mclaren could hear your 'private celebration' however neither you seemed to care as your screams filled up the room.

"Im so close" you sigh as lando continues to meet your hips half way, leaning down to meet his lips.

"Me too baby... fuck me too"

Without out any more warnings, lando let go, feeling his seed fill up the condom that was still thrusting inside you.

"Come on baby let go" lando yelled, hand moving faster against your clit as he, attaches onto your sensitive tits. Something that he knew could bring you to cum hust on its own...

"Fuck!!!" You scream as the pleasure washes over you, collapsing on his chest as you both tried to catch your breath.

"I love you so much" he whispered as he pulled your swollen lips into one last kiss..

"I love you too lando" you whispered back, leaning back into his chest as he begins to comb his fingers through your hair, a action that after 3 years of love he knew would instantly put you to sleep... and like everything that boy does, he never fails...

#lando norris #lando norris blurbs #lando norris blurb #lando norris imagine #lando norris smut #alltooNSFW!

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movedvalkyriesryde · 5 years

Text

Exhibition of Future Technologies - 3

Pairing: 40s!Bucky Barnes x enhanced!reader

Summary: Bucky meets the girl of his dreams the day before he ships out again and she holds a mystery about her that he can’t resist.

Warnings: violence i guess? like a building explodes so??? but thats it, exhaustion, swearing the usualllll, angst?

Word Count: 3,000ish

A/N: ive decided theres going to be four parts, this was meant to be the last but it took a life of its own as this story seems to be doing a lot but im accepting its fate

A/N 2: special shoutout to @mrwinterr for showing me the possibilities that this story had!!!

Masterlist

Previous - Next

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It had been a few weeks since everything had come to light for the couple. Everything was still new and had a pink hue to it between them, the subtle looks as they walked past each other, the stolen kisses hidden in the hallway, the late nights and early mornings sneaking home, it helped having teleportation powers with that one.

The pair had decided that it was best to keep their relationship a secret, it could risk the team finding out about Y/N’s powers if they told and she couldn’t have that, as much as she adored Bucky and was ultimately falling in love with him she couldn’t risk them finding out. She’d lost too many people to others finding out about their powers before.

Bucky understood, sort of. He wanted to scream from the rooftops that he’d found his Doll, he had wanted to run to Steve after their night together and tell him everything. But Bucky understood her fear, he saw how terrified she was when he found out about her powers, he wasn’t going to break her trust any time soon.

So when Steve and Sam questioned him the next morning on their run Bucky put on his best frown and tightened the string of his hoodie, avoiding eye contact.

“It wasn’t her,” he had muttered and sped his pace. His friends looked at each other before following close behind. They stopped at the top of a hill to catch their breath and have some peace and quiet before they headed back, it was what they did most mornings on their run.

“You were so sure it was?” Sam said sitting next to Bucky on the grass. Bucky merely shrugged in response, he didn’t want to say too much in case he let something slip, he also thought his silence would be enough to convince them of his lie.

“Maybe they’re related? Distantly,” Steve sat on his other side and patted his shoulder with a tight but reassuring smile.

“Maybe, it’s still not her though,” Bucky tried to think about what he would have actually been like if it wasn’t her. He imagined the gut wrenching hurt he would have felt and tried to channel it in himself now in order to keep the lie alive.

Steve and Sam didn’t say anything more about the situation, they knew not to push Bucky, he would come to them if he needed to and he would be better in his own time. They let him stalk off into the compound as soon as they got back after mumbling something about skipping training today. They brought him lunch and dinner but never opened the door knowing he treasured his privacy when he got like this.

If they had they would have seen Bucky at his desk combing through his work like it was just another day. Or if Steve had opened the door when he went to check on Bucky on his way to bed instead of just knocking he would have seen Bucky and Y/N on his couch trying to stifle their laughter so no one could hear them. But Steve just asked through the door if Bucky needed anything and when Bucky replied with a muffled ‘’m fine, night Steve’, he walked off to his room worried about his friend.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It was rare that the two spent any time together out of the compound, it was much harder for Bucky to sneak in and out than it was for her but sometimes the stars aligned and they found themselves at Y/N’s apartment where they could be as loud and affectionate as possible without the worry of someone walking in on them.

“Are you sure about this?” Y/N shook her hands to try and loosen herself up as Bucky stood in front of her expectantly, “you don’t have to do this Buck.”

“I want to help okay, and who better to test on than a super soldier,” he gave her that winning smirk that he knew made her putty in his hands and when she smiled back, he knew he had her.

“Okay, hold my wrists.”

Bucky did what he was told and grasped her wrists. He watched her take a deep breath before they both closed their eyes then Bucky felt...numb, but also like his skin was on fire? And it only lasted a couple seconds before everything felt normal again and he opened his eyes to see Y/N staring back at him. He looked around and noticed the change in scenery, they had just been in her room and were now standing in the middle of the kitchen, a short test she’d said, small distance to start with.

“How do you feel?” she asked hesitantly, Bucky was still holding her wrists, his grip had tightened slightly and he quickly let go.

“I uh, fine,” he beamed at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air. “Doll you did it! I’m absolutely fine!”

Y/N told him it wasn’t a real experiment unless they wrote everything down so that’s what they did, she made him tell her every single thing he felt both physically and emotionally.

The next week they tried again, they made it to the roof. Bucky had made the mistake though of suggesting she at least tell Banner about her powers, Banner could help with her experiments better than he ever could, but Y/N quickly shot him down. She told him that this way she was in control of what was being tested of her and that’s how she wanted it to be kept. He didn’t say anything after that, just nodded like he understood. He did, apart from Wanda he was probably the only other person that could understand how much control over these experiments and her powers meant to her. But there was a lot less safety involved when it was just her and that’s what he didn’t like.

That was the last experiment they’d done. They’d both been busy with work and the time they did get together was hidden in the corners of the compound where no one would find them.

Though busy, it didn’t stop his friends from meddling. Once Bucky had come back out of his room and seemed to be back to his normal self, maybe even a little happier than before? Steve and Sam were trying to convince him to ask, and you’ll never believe this, Y/N on a date.

“It may not be the girl from ‘43 but come on Buck! You said it yourself, she looks just like her!” Steve had been pushing for Bucky to find someone who made him happy for a long time and he thought that Y/N was the perfect match, he may have had some hushed talks with Bruce about the matter as well.

“That’s a bit morbid getting him to date a girl because he went on a date with her grandma back in the day,” Sam scrunched up his face in disgust and Bucky snorted.

“You’re overthinking it Sam! This is fate kicking down the door Buck, you can’t tell me you don’t fancy her even a little. Bruce told me you’ve been visiting the lab more often!”

Okay so maybe Bucky was beginning to be less subtle about the whole ordeal that was his love life than he should have been. But can you blame him!! She was making modifications to a couple of drones and that shit fascinated Bucky! And also the fact that it gave him an excuse to be close to Y/N and stare at her with googly eyes when Banner wasn’t in the room but THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT.

“She doesn’t fancy me Steve, and I don’t fancy her. Just like learning about her robotics,” Bucky rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Steve opened his mouth but before he could say anything FRIDAY interrupted him and every thought concerning Bucky’s love life was forgotten by all three men.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“You can’t possibly think he’s coming into the lab just because he’s interested in mechanical engineering can you?” Tony stared at Y/N like she’d grown two heads as he spoke. Tony, Y/N and Bruce had been discussing the frequent visitor to the lab over the past couple of weeks and Y/N was finding it more and more difficult to suppress the smug smile she so desperately wanted to give Tony when he talked about how Bucky had to have a crush on her if not be head over heels for her at this point.

The three were out to lunch in the middle of the city, as they often were on a Thursday, and were making their way back to the car when everything happened.

They heard it first, a loud boom seemed to come from all around them. Then they felt it, the ground beneath them shook slightly, Y/N felt the vibration through her body rising from her feet to her lungs and causing her stomach to drop. Then they looked up and they saw it. Tiny bits of glass started falling towards them, people were screaming and running in the opposite direction of the building in front of them.

Twenty stories up there had been an explosion that had blown out the entire side of that floor. They could see the smoke coming out of the now open building, they could see it swaying slightly from the aftermath.

Tony was the first to jump into action, he immediately activated his Iron Man suit and sent word to the compound for back up, giving orders to Bruce and Y/N to start getting people as far away from here as possible as he caught a long metal rod that was plummeting to the ground.

The pair jumped into action, Bruce started running in and out of surrounding buildings trying to clear them as Y/N helped those nearest to the accident get to safety.

There was another explosion, this time on the other side of the building. Y/N ran towards the entrance, she looked left and right looking for those injured that needed to be moved away immediately when she saw a group of elementary kids hiding behind a fountain.

“Are any of you hurt?” She ducked down in front of them, all of their eyes were wide and frightened as they shook their heads. “Good, grab me guys, come on I’m going to get you out of here.”

The group of kids all grab onto each other and her and she didn’t even think before she squeezed her eyes shut, opening them to see the children all looking amazed but still frightened as they realised they were no longer in the middle of the chaos and instead the middle of Central Park.

“Everyone okay?” Y/N asked and after getting a series of yes’s and thank you’s she was gone again, back to the chaos, not before telling them to contact their parents if they could and that she would be back.

It clicked then in Y/N’s brain that this was the best way to get people from the burning building out and to safety and so she kept going. She got the rest of the children first, they were all in uniform, they must have been on a field trip. She took them to the same location where the other children still were. Three trips and she noticed parents starting to turn up thankfully.

When Steve, Sam, Bucky, Natasha and Wanda turned up to the scene, Tony was already in the sky and had given them a quick briefing upon their arrival of what the situation was.

Ten men, all in black combat uniform and more explosions than Tony could count strapped to their bodies and being placed throughout the building. Sam was immediately in the sky. Natasha went to help Bruce clear the citizens and Steve and Bucky started running towards the entrance of the building. That’s when Bucky saw the familiar flash of light. The flash of white light that he saw most mornings when Y/N left and his brain went into panic mode.

“Buck come one!” Steve yelled out from the door, shield on his back as people ran past him.

Bucky caught Y/N’s eye as she came back into view, they both paused their movement before she gave him a small smile and a nod and then ran off towards an injured woman.

“Fuck my life,” he mumbled before running in after Steve.

It was getting harder the more trips she took. Y/N had never teleported with more than one other person before. This was a true test of her limits and she could feel her body losing the fight.

Most of the immediate area was clear now, all that was left were those that had initially refused to leave their homes or workplaces during the first explosion.

When Y/N arrived back to the front of the building she could no longer hold herself up with ease. Bucky had his eye out for her as soon as he was back in the lobby and running towards the entry/exit. He saw her go again with a man and women then come back and drop to her knees.

“Y//N!!” He yelled sprinting towards her. There was another boom that halted his movement by the fountain. Y/N stood up and watched Bucky run towards her, she started to move to meet him in the middle when she heard the boom and looked up at the building to see something large falling towards the ground, towards Bucky.

“BUCKY!” She called out to him, a wave of adrenaline rushing through her as she threw her arms around his neck and he held her waist. She squeezed her eyes shut and they disappeared just in time as the piece of building crashing into the ground where they had stood.

Steve saw Bucky and Y/N embrace in the middle of the courtyard. Then he saw a block of concrete fall right where they were after a flash of light. Steve screamed as he ran towards the rubble and threw whatever he could grab behind him in order to get to his friend. This was not how he would be losing his friend, he would not be losing his best friend again!

“I’m okay, Steve, I’m okay,” the rushed force came through the comms device in Steve’s ear and he swore he was hearing things until Sam responded.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BUCKY?!?!?”

“Central Park, we’re at the Great Lawn with - holy shit - a lot of people that were in the middle of it all,” Bucky tried to catch his breath, he looked around at the massive group of people that were helping and comforting each other then at Y/N who was leaning all of her weight against him. “Doll I got you, fuck, stay with me okay. Steve, Sam, someone we medical service!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Previous - Next

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think and requests are open!

EoFT Taglist, or literally everyone that commented on it because I love all of you (and i copied this from part 2): @occasionalwritingsofmia @toasty-fish @chloesxworld @thiccstuxky @mrwinterr @jshtmblr

Permanent Taglist (OPEN): @starvinggaywriter @witch-of-letters @turquoisekokiri

Bucky Taglist (OPEN): @bxrnsfeyson

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x enhanced!reader #bucky au #bucky imagine #exhibition of future technologies #eoft

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valkyriesryde · 5 years

Text

Exhibition of Future Technologies - 3

Pairing: 40s!Bucky Barnes x enhanced!reader

Summary: Bucky meets the girl of his dreams the day before he ships out again and she holds a mystery about her that he can’t resist.

Warnings: violence i guess? like a building explodes so??? but thats it, exhaustion, swearing the usualllll, angst?

Word Count: 3,000ish

A/N: ive decided theres going to be four parts, this was meant to be the last but it took a life of its own as this story seems to be doing a lot but im accepting its fate

A/N 2: special shoutout to @mrwinterr for showing me the possibilities that this story had!!!

Masterlist

Series Masterlist - Previous - Next

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So when Steve and Sam questioned him the next morning on their run Bucky put on his best frown and tightened the string of his hoodie, avoiding eye contact.

“Maybe they’re related? Distantly,” Steve sat on his other side and patted his shoulder with a tight but reassuring smile.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Are you sure about this?” Y/N shook her hands to try and loosen herself up as Bucky stood in front of her expectantly, “you don’t have to do this Buck.”

“I want to help okay, and who better to test on than a super soldier,” he gave her that winning smirk that he knew made her putty in his hands and when she smiled back, he knew he had her.

“Okay, hold my wrists.”

Bucky did what he was told and grasped her wrists. He watched her take a deep breath before they both closed their eyes then Bucky felt…numb, but also like his skin was on fire? And it only lasted a couple seconds before everything felt normal again and he opened his eyes to see Y/N staring back at him. He looked around and noticed the change in scenery, they had just been in her room and were now standing in the middle of the kitchen, a short test she’d said, small distance to start with.

“How do you feel?” she asked hesitantly, Bucky was still holding her wrists, his grip had tightened slightly and he quickly let go.

“I uh, fine,” he beamed at her and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air. “Doll you did it! I’m absolutely fine!”

Y/N told him it wasn’t a real experiment unless they wrote everything down so that’s what they did, she made him tell her every single thing he felt both physically and emotionally.

That was the last experiment they’d done. They’d both been busy with work and the time they did get together was hidden in the corners of the compound where no one would find them.

“That’s a bit morbid getting him to date a girl because he went on a date with her grandma back in the day,” Sam scrunched up his face in disgust and Bucky snorted.

“You’re overthinking it Sam! This is fate kicking down the door Buck, you can’t tell me you don’t fancy her even a little. Bruce told me you’ve been visiting the lab more often!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The three were out to lunch in the middle of the city, as they often were on a Thursday, and were making their way back to the car when everything happened.

The pair jumped into action, Bruce started running in and out of surrounding buildings trying to clear them as Y/N helped those nearest to the accident get to safety.

When Steve, Sam, Bucky, Natasha and Wanda turned up to the scene, Tony was already in the sky and had given them a quick briefing upon their arrival of what the situation was.

“Buck come one!” Steve yelled out from the door, shield on his back as people ran past him.

Bucky caught Y/N’s eye as she came back into view, they both paused their movement before she gave him a small smile and a nod and then ran off towards an injured woman.

“Fuck my life,” he mumbled before running in after Steve.

It was getting harder the more trips she took. Y/N had never teleported with more than one other person before. This was a true test of her limits and she could feel her body losing the fight.

Most of the immediate area was clear now, all that was left were those that had initially refused to leave their homes or workplaces during the first explosion.

“I’m okay, Steve, I’m okay,” the rushed force came through the comms device in Steve’s ear and he swore he was hearing things until Sam responded.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BUCKY?!?!?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Previous - Next

Thank you for reading! Let me know what you think and requests are open!

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faunusrights · 6 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD... kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog #in this liveblog murphy ACTUALLY CRIES

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the-marvel-imagines-blog · 6 years

Text

Madness | Chpt. 6

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Collateral Damage”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 4,786

Warnings: hurt/no comfort, Angry!Eva, violence, Angry!Loki

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: I want to take a moment to apologize for my absence. I’ve had some health problems recently, and within the last couple of weeks, I’ve lost entire days thanks to said problems. I’m finally feeling well enough again to post, but during my time being sick, I’ve managed to come up with quite a bit of content. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I’m writing. Even if not every chapter is you cup of tea, it means a lot to see that people are leaving likes, messaging me, reblogging, etc.! Please note that I have taken and will be taking a lot of creative liberties pertaining to these characters. This will be shown in excess during the upcoming chapters, so I just wanted to give a bit of a warning. There are some timeline changes, character changes, etc. Once again, thank you so much for reading. I love you all <3

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

“Looks like you lost,” I dictated as I dragged him down the stairs to the dungeons. My entire body felt like it was on fire, but it didn’t stop the shiver from running down my spine at the thought of what he was capable of. Ezra showed us something none of us could’ve expected. He was skilled in ways that we were unprepared for, ways I didn’t even know could exist. I still trembled at the thought of my slain comrades-members of Odin’s kingsguard-rising and fighting against us. The more people of ours Ezra killed, the more people he had fighting for him. The battle was unfair and horrific, but we still won even after members of the kingsguard forced Odin away from the situation. Ezra had surrendered after we had gotten him onto his knees. My sword had been pressed against his throat, and all I needed to do was give it one swift motion to kill him. I couldn’t, though.

There was something that kept me from killing him, but I had no idea what it was. Maybe it was the familiarity in those green eyes or the endless knowledge he seemed to have about me. Still, my decision to keep him alive could be useful in the future of Asgard. He was another enemy who would be a prisoner in the dungeons, a man we could retrieve information from. He snickered at me, “you may have won, but what did it cost you?” he asked, glancing down at the wound on my abdomen.

I ignored his comment, feeling the pain radiating from the wound. During the battle, he had taken a swing at Ephinea, a blow I did my best to protect her from. I had pushed her back and tried to put as much distance between him and I as possible, but it wasn’t enough. My sword blocked his axe, and while I struggled to disarm him, I was unaware of the dagger he pulled out until he buried it in my abdomen. The dagger cut right through my training armor-which had not been suitable for battle-and pierced into my flesh. I had not yet seen it, but a piece of me was convinced it was nothing while the rational part of myself was sure it was something much more than I was prepared to deal with. If I could still walk, I was fine.

Behind Ezra and I were the remaining members of the kingsguard who did not sustain significant injuries as well along with Ephinea, Sif, and the warriors three. Thor had taken to the throne room with his father to discuss what would come next. Everyone in the dungeons was silent when they saw the crowd of warriors that it took to secure the newest prisoner. They watched us in a stunned silence, including Loki. I avoided all eye contact with the God of Mischief, still hurt by his actions an entire week ago. While I wished for an empty cell anywhere else in the dungeons, the only free one was directly across from Loki’s, which would undoubtedly cause me to worry much more than I should have. The cells were practically impenetrable, and even if Ezra managed to break free of his cell, there would be no real reason for him to go after Loki.

As we stood in front of his cell, he turned to face me as I spoke, “this is gonna be your new home. I don’t know where you came from or what you knew before this, but you won’t be going back there anytime soon. You said you haven’t seen a sunrise for more than 300 years?” I asked, and he nodded his head, a grin forming on his lips in anticipation for what I was about to say, “well, be prepared to wait another 300 because you aren’t getting out of here for a long time,” I growled, glaring up at him and his apathetic expression. It was as if he had no remorse at all for the lives he had taken, like the entire battle before this meant nothing to him. His reaction was sickening.

He cocked one of his thick eyebrows, “you have a fire within you that you try to ignore, pet, but you can’t hide it from me,” he replied before lunging forward and attacking my lips with his. It shocked me at first, but I leaned into it after a moment, realizing that I could use it to my advantage. Everyone around us who was there to ensure his safe transportation to his cell was left in shock, but they always knew that I had a plan. My lips molded together with his thick ones, and while I was disgusted to be kissing the man who just killed so many of my people, I knew that this was going to work out in my favor. While Ezra was distracted by the kiss, I eased one of my daggers from its sheath at my side and reached behind him before sinking it into his lower back.

He sucked in a sharp breath, disconnecting our lips. His face distorted in pain, and his chest rumbled as I pulled the dagger from his body, twisting it in the process. Once it was out, I dropped it on the ground behind him and reached into the small pouch on my belt to pull out one of the tracking devices I always carried with me. In one swift motion, I shoved two of my fingers into the wound to deposit the tracking device as deeply as possible. He grunted and twisted to break free of my grasp, but I would not release him. I released the tracking device once I was sure it was embedded deep enough that he could not feel it and dig it out on his own. When I finally removed my fingers, I rested my hand against his wound and focused all of my energy on transferring it over to myself. That was the one downfall of my healing power. I was unable to heal someone without transferring their wounds onto myself. While he was not worthy of my help, I couldn’t leave the wound open for fear that he would just pull the device out. Now, it he wanted to take it out, he would have to cut himself open and dig for it.

As the wound transferred to myself, I gritted my teeth, but nothing could compare to the wound on my abdomen. It was like if one had been stabbed by Surtur himself, a scraped knee could never compare to it, so the pain was far more tolerable. Once I finished healing his wound, I glared up at him, “you’re going to have a lot of time to think while you’re down here, and that’s all you get to do. If you move, I’ll know about it. If you speak, I’ll know about it. If you have any thoughts about breaking out of your cell, I will know about it. I didn’t kill you today because I believe in second chances. If you fail to cooperate or if you become a threat to anyone I know or love, I will not hesitate to kill you,” I growled at him.

He nodded his head, “my execution would be against the Allfather’s wishes. It’s a beautiful sentiment-it truly is-but...tell me, pet, how will you protect the two people you love most when one is here and one is on Midgard?” he asked, referencing her once more.

My eyes widened, and he smirked at the look of dread that was clear on my face. I saw my reflection in his eyes and saw a girl who had everything to lose, someone who had lost so much already. As my protective instincts kicked in, I grew furious that he even put their safety in question. I pulled my fist back and landed a hard punch against his cheek. When his head snapped to the side to accommodate the blow, I swiped his feet out from under him to bring him down to the ground. As he caught himself on his knees, I pulled out my other dagger and pressed it against his throat with one hand while I grabbed a fistful of his hair with the other. I squatted down to be at his level, “say it again,” I growled.

He smirked, “and what if I did? What if I threatened them again?” he asked, challenging me, “would you kill me, an unarmed man on his knees? Would you take my life the same way your enemies took your friends life on Vanaheim? You and I both know that you don’t have what it takes,” he hissed, bringing up Hjalmar. My chest tightened, “the only way to save the ones you love so dearly is to accept your destiny, to accept what you’re truly meant to be.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “and what is that?”

“A god,” he answered with a smile as he leaned into my blade against his throat, “just like me.”

I shook my head, my entire body trembling as anger and rage built up in my chest, “I am nothing like you,” I growled, furious that he would even try to compare the two of us. He fought and killed so many of my people and raised them back to be monsters. What was it for? I only fought when it needed to be done. I didn’t seek out confrontation. I fought, and even killed, the few who put the lives of the many at stake, and it always sat with me. The eyes of my victims never left my mind, for I was aware that I had taken someone’s loved one away from them. Ezra showed in the short time I knew him that he was nothing like that. He killed without remorse, and I saw no conflict in his eyes once it was over. We were nothing alike.

He chuckled, “that’s where you’re wrong, pet. You and I are more alike than you know, and that’s how I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that you’ll lose both of them in time,” he said, and my heart felt like it would fall through the floor. How did he know all of my deepest and darkest fears? That was always the one thing that scared me the most: losing the ones I loved. Of course, it was the fear of so many people, but he was able to pull up the two people I cared for more than anything else and use their safety against me, “it’s in your nature. You’ll always lose,” he added.

My chest rose and fell as I struggled to find air. It felt like his threats were taking the air from my lungs, and I felt like I would suffocate. I saw how big a threat he was, but we managed to bring him down together. I didn’t want to imagine what Cul’s entire army could do. Everything had been thrown at us so quickly, as we had no knowledge of who Cul was or that Odin even had an older brother at all. Everything that happened that day just made me feel uncertain of everything. Still, I couldn’t show Ezra that, “and what about you? You’re the man who kneels before me with my dagger against his throat. You lost,” I hissed.

“You’ll need me soon enough,” he remarked, gesturing down to the stab wound on my abdomen that throbbed with a pain I never experienced before. The wound hurt badly enough that it felt like I would be sick from the pain. I had been stabbed before, and the wounds never felt quite like that. Perhaps, it had just been too long, and I forgot the sensation. I shook the thoughts from my mind and focused on him once more as he continued, “and the moment you come to me, begging for my help, is the moment when you’ll finally realize that you are the one who has lost,” he sneered, his eyes cutting right through me. It was like he could see every weakness and insecurity I had.

“If you or anyone else tries hurt the people I care for, you won’t be able to find shelter from the storm I unleash. You don’t want to make me an enemy,” I threatened him.

He shook his head as if he was disappointed in me, and I furrowed my eyebrows. When his eyes finally met mine once more, he snickered to himself, “you speak like a warrior, but there is no true weight in your words. I know-as well as you do-that you would never pose a threat to the one thing you believe in more than anything else: Life. That’s why I know you won’t kill me. I’m not afraid of you,” he stated, nonchalantly as he leaned into the blade, hard enough to draw blood.

I stood up, sheathing my dagger, before pulling him up onto his feet. He stood much taller than me, but I didn’t feel small in that moment. Even though I was insecure about what would come next, I couldn’t show my fears to the man who was threatening the lives of the people I loved. I needed to be strong, or he would take advantage of my weaknesses. I grabbed a fistfull of his hair and pulled his head down to mine, maintaining eye contact the entire time, “you aren’t afraid of me,” I hissed before leaning in to his ear, “but you should be,” I whispered the line I had been told only once before. It had shaken me to the very core when it was said to me, but I felt powerful now that I was on the other end. My voice was low enough so that only he could hear me, and once I finished, I pulled away from him and shoved him into his cell. Ephinea activated the cell wall before he was even able to regain his balance. I couldn’t help the smile as I watched him struggle to not fall onto his face, but the sharp pain in my abdomen cut that short.

Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, I turned to face the members of the Kingsguard. They were some of the most well-trained warriors Asgard had to offer, so much so that they were trusted with protecting the Allfather himself. The kingsguard lined the halls of the palace at all times of the day and night, and they stood guard over the dungeons as well. I picked up my blood-covered dagger that I had dropped on the floor moments prior and lowered it back into its sheath. I pointed over at Ezra but stayed focused on the warriors before me, “I want two guards posted outside his cell every second of every day. I never want him left unsupervised, and if he is, you’re going to wish that you experienced the Allfather’s wrath instead of mine,” I threatened, feeling my unchecked fury rising further and further in my chest. I surprised myself at the harsh tone of my voice, but I didn’t change it, “if he shows any signs of agitation, I want to know about it. If he takes one step out of line, I want to know about it. If he breathes offbeat, I want to know about it. I want every detail of his existence to be monitored while he’s down here. I want nothing to go unnoticed. If he speaks out of line, I want to know what he said and when he said it. Do you understand?”

I saw the startled expression on every face of the men before me. I had always been known for my calm and collected nature, and the only time I ever broke away from that was when I was in battle. Even then, I had never been so ruthless, especially never with them. They all nodded in agreement to my orders, but one of the guards stepped forward, his eyes just as confused as the rest, “I mean you no offense when I ask this, but...what would you do about it, my lady?”

As I brushed past all of them, needing to take my place with Thor and Odin to discuss our next moves, I answered his question, “I’ll kill him.”

Before I could make it very far at all, Ezra yelled after me, “good luck, pet. I take pity on you for what is about to come,” he shouted, that booming voice echoing throughout the silent dungeons. It was as if every prisoner stood completely still as I walked by-all but one. As I walked past Loki’s cell, I stared straight ahead, refusing to even look his way, still hurt by what transpired between us a week prior. It broke my heart to ignore him that way, but I had to focus on the safety of the Nine Realms. A piece of it was also to protect him. If there was a chance I could convince Ezra that I no longer cared for Loki, that Loki wasn’t a weakness of mine that he could exploit, I was going to take it. It was the best way to protect Loki at that point.

As I walked past his cell, he banged on the wall, yelling my name and trying to attract my attention, but I still didn’t give in. I blinked away the tears in my eyes, my heart shattering as I had to look the other way once more. I did that before, and I couldn’t believe I was doing it again. I was still hurt and angry at him for what he said when I visited him that night, but I could never stay mad at him for too long, not over trivial things like that. Even as I ascended the stairs, I could still hear his pained voice calling my name. My ears began ringing, and the world around me seemed unsteady. When I reached the last few stairs, the wound on my abdomen sent a piercing pain through my entire body, and I jolted forward to accommodate the sudden and intense pain. If Loki had seen me fall as I had in that moment, he would’ve laughed at me before falling down with me, not wanting me to feel isolation and embarrassment. I coughed, and the fleeting thoughts of my love were pushed to the side as I tasted the blood in my mouth. I swallowed it back just as the guards ran over to me to help me up, just like Loki would have done.

*Loki’s POV*

I felt the immeasurable pain that she was experiencing, and I couldn’t help but feel like there was something seriously wrong. That was one of the things that never stopped for me, no matter how deep my madness became. She was still there, an untouched and untainted beauty among the raging wildfire that was my mind. I could always feel her pain, her suffering, her joy, and her love. I could feel every emotion and every ounce of physical pain, which Thanos used to his advantage. While it killed me inside to know that she was hurting, it let me know that she was still alive, wherever she was. This sensation was something new, though. I could barely stand due to the pain in my abdomen. Even when she had transferred his wound onto herself, it couldn’t hold a candle to the pain I began experiencing no long before.

Everyone began filing out of the dungeons aside from the two guards Eva demanded always stand watch over the new prisoner. I had never seen Eva deal with anyone quite like that, but he must’ve made her feel something otherworldly to pull out that side of her. Watching it was exhilarating in a way that I never would’ve expected. I could feel the anger and pain coursing through her veins every moment she stood before him, but I could also feel her conflict. When he mentioned two people-one here and one on Midgard-I found myself trying to piece together who it could be. Perhaps he was speaking about Aaldir or Thor. I was certain she cared little for me after what I did the last time we saw each other. The unnamed person on Earth was what I tried to piece together first, though. Was it Tony Stark? I noticed that the two of them had quite the connection when I was around them on Midgard. What if it was the Soldier? The two of them shared similar beliefs, and he had protected her from near death quite a few times.

When another piercing pain erupted in my abdomen, I gritted my teeth and grunted, reaching for the tender spot. As I tried to breathe through the pain, I heard his laughter from the cell diagonal to mine, “you must be Loki!” he smiled, amused at my pain. I knew that madness well, well enough to know that it was not all his own. Someone had taken advantage of a weakness and used it against him. A small part of me felt empathy for him, but I couldn’t help but think of how he must’ve hurt Eva. As I glared up at him, he cocked his head to the side, “I’ve heard a lot about you. I’m a pretty big fan because of what you did on Midgard-you know, attempting to kill everyone who wouldn’t blindly follow your rule. I have to say that it was a bold move for the unloved son of a false king,” he barked before taking a deep breath and calming his nerves, “I’m Ezra Culson, the new bane of Eva’s existence. You’ve been replaced.”

“What did you do to her?” I yelled, anxious to know what had transpired to bring about a pain like this. Before Ezra pointed out the wound on her abdomen, it was barely noticeable, especially since she showed little signs of discomfort while she was in the dungeons. Still, shortly before she came down to the dungeons, I had felt the intense pain, and I knew she had been stabbed. This sensation, however, was so different than before. When we were on Midgard, I...she had been stabbed. That was nothing like this. I grunted as I stood up straight, trying to ignore the burning sensation.

Ezra shook his head, a hint of guilt in his eyes that didn’t seem completely genuine, “I didn’t come here to fight-not today, anyway-but when Odin refused to my terms and your brother refused my offer to take Eva off your hands, I had no choice. She got in the way,” he said, nonchalantly as he shrugged it off like it was nothing. Even the guards outside of his cell were disturbed. Everyone in Asgard knew Eva, and everyone knew that she was the embodiment of all that was good and light in this world. Ezra acted as if his action of attacking her was nothing serious, like attacking her wasn’t like he was attacking the very fabric of life itself. During my stunned silence, he continued to speak, “let’s just say that you’re not the only one who has it out for Odin.”

“I couldn’t care less about him. You hurt her!” I snapped, slamming my fist against the cell wall and startling the guards and the other prisoners within the dungeons. Ezra would have a hard time in the dungeons because no matter how much the other prisoners hated Odin and Asgard, they could not bring themselves to even speak unkindly of Eva. The longer the prisoners stayed in the dungeons, the more they grew accustomed to her singing, and because Eva showed the planet so much love and kindness, everyone who resided here could feel her energy coursing through them. Her connection to the world and life was incredible. As my chest tightened, I glared at him, “you hurt her, and I’m going to kill you for that,” I growled in a low voice.

He shrugged it off again, “collateral damage,” he remarked, “it’s nothing that can’t be undone. When she gives in and leaves with me, which she will, I’ll heal her, and we’ll be on our way.”

“She’s not going anywhere with you!” I yelled once more, realizing that he was doing exactly what he wanted to do, and I was allowing it to happen. He was crawling right under my skin, and I couldn’t stop it. It was like Thanos all over again. Ezra just knew my weakness, and he was going to exploit it. He would try to break me, but I wouldn’t lose Eva again, and that was what kept me from falling back into the comfort of my own darkness.

He chuckled, “I have a better claim to her even as an outsider, or did you forget?” he asked, and my eyes widened as it felt like my chest would completely cave in. He couldn’t have been referencing that moment, but it wouldn’t surprise me with all that he knew about Eva and myself. A part of me wished to know where he acquired this information, but the part that took hold of me in that moment was still the nervous and insecure man I was before I fell from the Bifrost, before I pushed Eva out of my life, before I realized that I would never truly be my father’s son. I could still remember Odin’s words as if our conversation was happening that very moment:

“A girl who could pass as a princess even without a prince would be better suited for Thor, and I will not entertain these childish games any longer!”

It was the first moment in my life that I felt utterly hopeless. All that I had done up until that moment seemed like it was in vain. I had loved Eva, and she loved me. When she forced me to relive that memory in the dream, I couldn’t help but associate it with the conversation that followed with my father. He had been the one to pull me from our beautiful moment, our last beautiful moment. Our conversation was meant to open the doors for millions of other beautiful moments, but he slammed those doors in my face, telling me that I would never be worthy enough for Eva, that she was being saved for Thor. It was the beginning of my downfall, and she was the one who was hurt most from it.

While my chest heaved, I imagined ripping his tongue from his throat. I imagined slitting his throat open while he spoke of how Eva was nothing more than “collateral damage.” I imagined his blood on my hands as I tore him apart for what he did to her and for what he tried to do to me. I knew that all he had to do was exploit my weakness, and he would be able to turn me against her. Something in me was broken, and he wanted to toy around with it, “speak one more word, and you’ll wish for death when you see what I do to you,” I threatened, narrowing my eyes at him and realizing just how familiar they looked, like I had seen them a thousand times before. Green...like the color of spring.

He chuckled, sitting on the floor and tucking his legs under himself. It seemed as if he would let my comment roll off his back, but that was the opposite of what he did. Instead, he brought up the one thing I cared about more than anything else. Eva. He grinned, madness in his eyes, “threaten me again, and you’ll wish for death when you see what I do to her.”

Without warning, my mind felt like it was being torn apart, like the broken edges were being chipped away at. As I fell to the floor in a massive pain radiating from the ghost wound on my abdomen and the sudden and intense pain in my own mind, I gritted my teeth and groaned loudly. I could remember her eyes that day, the day I hurt her more than I could ever forgive myself for. I had expected her to look at me like I was a monster, like I was her enemy. However, she didn’t. She spoke my name with fear in her eyes and sorrow in her voice. It was my first moment of clarity in so long, but it was also my greatest moment of weakness and tragedy because I hurt the one thing I wished to protect: my friend, my princess, my love.

My Eva.

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sage-nebula · 6 years

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THE DRAGON PRINCE SEASON 2 TRAILER BREAKDOWN

I’ve already watched the trailer once, and my mind just about exploded, so now I’m watching it again and I’m going to basically liveblog it with reactions, analyses, thoughts, and other such things. Everything will be beneath the cut for those who don’t wish to see, and also because I feel like this is going to get pretty long.

I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating: I would die and kill for Azymondias. Literally he is the most precious being in this entire show and I would do anything for him, sweet baby boy.

But speaking of dragons . . .

I STAN TWO DRAGONS. Okay, no, but real talk:

In the voiceover for this part, Viren says:

“There have been reports of shadows in the clouds. Dragons! Flying high above the towns of Katolis!”

I’m . . . suspicious.

I know that this voiceover is given with the shot of this beautiful dragon flying overhead, but here’s the thing: We see them flying over Soren’s head:

Soren may or may not still be in Katolis in this shot. Soren and Claudia are following Callum, Rayla, Ezran, and Azymondias. Those four are headed into Xadia. We don’t know when they’ll make it to Xadia, but it’s possible they do make it there, or at least near there, and that’s when this shot takes place. It’s possible this dragon isn’t above Katolis at all, but is instead somewhere far closer (and maybe even over) the border.

And that would make sense. Why would the dragons be going to Katolis now? The moonshadow elves were the ones sent to take vengeance on behalf of the dragon queen, and Runaan sent his arrow telling her that Harrow was dead. I suppose you could argue that since they never received word of Ezran’s death they’re now sending dragons to scout and look for the assassins, but I find that unlikely. In my opinion, if they were going to go after Katolis themselves, they would have done that first, rather than sending the moonshadow elves. I simply don’t see a motivation for the dragons to fly over Katolis now.

More importantly, though, is what Viren says. He says there are “reports of shadows in the clouds.” He then says that those shadows are dragons. Here’s the thing: shadows could be anything. They could be birds. They could be some other sort of flying creature, and hell, they could even be more clouds, with the way the sun plays on them. But Viren knows that the people of Katolis are currently in a state of fear and unrest since Harrow was assassinated and the princes are missing. He wants the throne, and one way to get it is to have the people themselves insist on putting him on it because there are no other options and they’re scared. And what’s scarier to the people of Katolis than massive dragons in the sky? No one has seen any actual dragons (and you’d think they’d be pretty hard to miss), but people have seen shadows that Viren has now made them think are dragons, and so every single time they see a shadow, they’ll flinch. To me, it sounds an awful lot like Viren is trying to stir up fear in order to get a popular vote to put him on the throne whether the princes die by Soren’s hand or not. Him going on to say:

“And Sunfire Elves are gathering near the border. An invasion is imminent!”

Only serves to stoke the fires (pardon the pun) of that fire. Presumably, elves were already near the border, which is why Amaya and her troops are there. But Viren is acting like this is a new development, and him doing that is made to further stir up fear among the people. Moreover, Viren saying that the Sunfire Elves being near the border means impending invasion is also a way to subtly undermine Amaya; she’s there guarding the border, but he’s basically saying that she’ll be ineffective in stopping the Sunfire Elves. Since he’s in a position of authority as well, and since he’s already making the people terrified, this serves to plant the idea (at least in the public subconscious) that Amaya isn’t strong enough to stop things on her own, thus they need Viren and his leadership.

Meanwhile, as he says “we must be prepared to fight!” Amaya is already fighting and has been prepared for a long time now. Also, on that note, I DON’T KNOW WHO TO ROOT FOR HERE. I LOVE AMAYA BUT ALSO THAT SUNFIRE ELF LOOKS AMAZING AHHHHHH

Amaya may be fighting at the border and Gren may be in the dungeon, but Opeli is carrying on the message of wanting to find the princes. I think the Amaya/Opeli shippers may be onto something tbh.

AARAVOS? IS THAT YOU??

More importantly, the voiceover we get at that part (is that Lujanne? I plan to rewatch s1 before s2 releases but I haven’t done it yet) at that part says “dark forces are pursuing you.” We see Aaravos and Viren, but if that is Lujanne (particularly since it’s followed by Rayla saying “Nooobody likes dark forces”), then that leads me to think she’s actually referring to Soren and Claudia, which would make sense since Claudia is the dark magic prodigy willing to torture people to get what she wants instead of giving them quick, merciful deaths.

Also, this shot of Viren:

He gathered up the fire around him, but I think it’s relevant that this shot followed the shot of Aaravos using fire magic as well, given what we learned in Aaravos’ bio on the website today:

The ability to gather up the fire like that might have been a gift that Aaravos gave to Viren. But why? Why would an elf bequeath a gift like that unto a human, and particularly one that sees magical beings as being batteries for power? Particularly one who seals moonshadow elves into coins? Hmm . . . that poem that we were given might have something to do with it . . . we’ll supposedly find the rest “hidden in season two” . . .

HE JUST FLIPS HIS FOOD ONTO BAIT’S HEAD AND AVA’S LIKE “what r u doin” AND AZYMONDIAS IS JUST AMUSED SDJFKSLDJFDS EVEN WHEN HE’S TECHNICALLY BEING NAUGHTY I STILL LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE’S SO PRECIOUS

Okay, I’ve seen a lot of people freaking out about Aanya’s safety in this scene, but here’s the thing:

They’re not attacking her.

Aanya does look freaked out and scared, but these elves aren’t attacking her. If they wanted to attack her, they’d do it. She’s right there. Her neck isn’t covered by armor. They could kill her if they wanted to, but they’re not. Instead, it looks like they’re moving to fight someone in front of her, which leaves us two possibilities: Either they think that there’s a bigger threat right in front of them than the tiny human queen on the throne, or they’re defending her from what they see as the bigger threat (which gives more credence to my idea that Aanya might have elf allies on her side). It’s possible that the reason why Aanya is freaking out is because she didn’t expect them to be able to transform like that, and not because they’re elves with weapons in her throne room.

More worrying, though, is their appearance. That’s not how moonshadow elves look under the light of the full moon. Their eyes didn’t glow red like that. They weren’t completely black like that. Could this be how they look under a new moon? I guess . . . but these elves also look kind of similar to the ones that were killed in the King Harrow assassination attempt, so I’d say it’s also possible that these are zombie elves. If that’s the case, and if these aren’t Aanya’s friends, then might it be possible that this is a trick by Viren made to make the rulers of the other kingdoms see Xadia as even more of a threat than they did previously? HMMM . . .

I WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR HIM.

Okay, so here’s the thing: The voiceover for this part is Callum saying:

“I want to learn primal magic. But you have to be born with that magic inside you.”

I feel like the fact that we have that voiceover with these clips is significant. I think it’s significant, too, that Lujanne is showing such a blatantly elven magic thing to Callum instead of Rayla. I think we might see potential this season for Callum to find out that he does have some primal magic inside him. I’m not saying “half-elf Callum” but . . . I’m not not saying that, you feel me? (And what if that’s what Harrow’s letter to Callum was? What if he was telling Callum of his inherent magical ability, and asking him to use that inherent ability---rather than dark magic---to help Ezran be king? HMMM . . .)

However, then we get this bit from Claudia:

“That’s the great thing about dark magic! You just take creatures that are born with that magic inside, and . . . squeeze it out of them!”

YEAH, BIG MOOD, CALLUM.

See, this is what I’ve been saying about Claudia and dark magic this entire time. Everyone wants to peg Claudia as a sweet cinnamon roll because she’s quirky and funny and loves her brother, but the thing is . . . where Soren was going to give Runaan a quick, arguably merciful death, Claudia instead ordered him to be tied up because she thought she could get “more use” out of him. She wanted to drain him dry of his magic, even though that meant chaining him up in the dungeon and killing him slowly (and he later had his soul drained, screaming). Claudia believes Viren that Azymondias’ egg is a thing, and she sees it as a powerful weapon. Why? Because Azymondias is a dragon, presumably, and dragons are incredibly powerful. Even here, look at the expression on her face as she squeezes her book, listen to the tone of her voice and what she says; Claudia thinks it’s great to kill magical beings and take their magic for her own use. She gets enjoyment and pleasure out of it.

Comparisons could be made between this and killing animals for food. What’s the difference between killing a cow to get a stake, and killing an elf to get their magic? The difference is the necessity. People need to eat. If they don’t eat, they’ll starve. And if people need to eat meat for protein or other dietary reasons, they need to kill a cow to get that meat. (Or a chicken, or a deer, or an elk, or whatever else.) But humans, even in this universe, don’t need to use magic. It’s not necessary for their survival. Eating is, but dark magic isn’t. It certainly isn’t to the extent that Claudia uses it, for pranks and making pancakes. Claudia delights in the torture and death of magical creatures for her own personal convenience. She doesn’t have to do the things she does---she could just make normal pancakes like a normal person---but she chooses to, and she likes it, she promotes it as being great. But it isn’t, and Callum’s reaction here tells us that, even in this world, Claudia’s behavior and attitude in this arena is out of the ordinary. And before anyone blames this on Viren, no. Viren taught her dark magic originally, yes, but Claudia is sixteen. She’s old enough to know right from wrong, to think and make decisions for herself, and her reaction to Viren telling her to sacrifice Soren tells us that she does recognize when Viren says things she disagrees with. Claudia’s opinions and behavior with regards to dark magic are entirely her own. Her complete disregard for the lives of magical beings, and her willingness to torture their magic out of them for her own personal convenience and gain, is entirely her own.

Does Claudia have elements of sweetness in her toward those she loves? Sure.

But she’s still incredibly dangerous and has a sadistic side to her as well. As Aaron Ehasz said, if she was a bender in the Avatar universe, she’d be a bloodbender.

TAKE HIM DOWN, RAYLA! KICK HIS ASS, BABY, I GOT YO’ BRAID!!!!

Oh nooooo, what is happening here. My first thought was that perhaps Callum just learned of Harrow’s death, but in that case I find it strange that we don’t have Ezran in this shot as well. So perhaps, since we know that Soren and Claudia catch up to them, Claudia gives Callum the letter that Harrow wrote for him, Callum read it . . . and that’s what leads to this. ;A;

I STAN A QUEEN.

THAT LOOKS LIKE QUEEN SARAI ON THAT HORSE. And that person on the back . . .

THAT LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE VIREN.

So here are my thoughts: We know that King Thunder was known for protecting the border. Whenever humans tried to cross, Thunder fended them off. My thought is that Viren crossed the border to poach more magical creatures for use in his dark magic spells. After all, magical creatures aren’t native to the human kingdoms, so the only place he could get them is within Xadia. When Viren crossed the border, this angered Thunder, and Thunder did what he always did: He attacked in order to defend the Xadians (which, considering Viren likely wanted to poach them for dark magic, is fair).

Now, here’s where Sarai comes in: Either Viren convinced Sarai to take him across the border in the first place, or Sarai found out what he was doing somehow and ran in to rescue him. Either way, she got him on the back of her horse and together they fled from Thunder’s attack. But whether Thunder was directly attacking them or trying to fend them off doesn’t really matter much when he’s causing lightning to crash down around them. Their horse was only a horse, and likely it got scared. There’s a very high probability that they were both thrown from the horse. Viren sustained permanent injury in his leg, and Sarai was killed. This is what led to Harrow, in his griefstricken rage, deciding to slay Thunder.

I know a lot of people will read that and will decide that the moonshadow elves were not justified in killing Harrow, then, because Thunder killed Sarai first, but if you think that, I ask you to look at this hypothetical scenario again. Thunder only retaliated to drive humans—at least one of whom wanted to poach and therefore kill Thunder’s people for dark magic—out of Xadia. Thunder wouldn’t leave the border; he was always there to defend it. Viren is the one who instigated this conflict if this scenario pans out, not Thunder. That doesn’t mean it was all right for Sarai to die—she was a casualty in this—but it does mean that if anyone “started it,” it was Viren.

And do you know who else I think holds this opinion? Amaya.

This would explain Amaya’s mistrust of Viren: she blames him for Sarai’s death. Viren was the one who decided to cross the border, either necessitating Sarai’s rescue or goading Sarai to go with him. Either way, it was not something that needed to be done. But he did it anyway, and Sarai died for it. There’s a possibility that Amaya even believes this was premeditated on Viren’s part, that he wanted Sarai to die so that he could have a stronger voice in Harrow’s ear. Whether or not that’s true, though, I do think Amaya would blame Viren for Sarai’s death in this scenario, which would perfectly explain why she doesn’t trust or like him at all.

(Also, while I think that Viren would cross to poach magical creatures, it’s also possible that he crossed because he found out that the dragon queen had an egg, and that he wanted to steal Azymondias’ egg from the get-go. Claudia said that Viren views it as a weapon, and we know that Viren himself views it as more valuable than his own son. If Thunder retaliated against Viren and Sarai so fiercely, it could be because Viren wasn’t only there to poach creatures, but that Viren was caught trying to steal Azymondias’ egg, which caused Thunder to retaliate even more harshly than he ordinarily would have. In that case, Viren would goad Harrow to kill Thunder not just out of retaliation, but also so he could have another shot at stealing the egg, which he then did. It’s something to think about, anyway.)

NOOOOOOOOOOOO ;A;

UMMMMM? CALLUM???? IS THAT DARK MAGIC I SEE? ARE YOU DOING DARK MAGIC????

I am . . . SO upset if this is Callum using dark magic like I think it is. Like how DARE he, how DARE he do that. I really, really hope this is some kind of misdirect, or that he immediately regrets his decision, but Callum, CALLUM, how DARE you, Callum, how DARE you!!!!

“EAT HIM, DRAGON!!” I scream, knowing full well that this is the same dead dragon that we saw Ezran by just moments ago. (Note that I don’t hate Soren, but it’s just that if his opponents are Rayla or a dragon, I’m going to root for them and not him.)

All in all, my head is spinning, my mind is blown, and I was already hyped through the roof but now I’m even more so. SEASON TWO. SEASON TWO CANNOT COME FAST ENOUGH.

#the dragon prince #tdp #tdps2 #meta #speculation #i'm not tagging as spoilers since all the spoilers are beneath the cut #so you can choose whether to look or not

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rileys-castle · 2 years

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hii um idk if this is okay to ask, but do you have any advice about getting over the fear and embarrassment of regressing? With others it's fine, it's just me personally. I have a hard time letting myself slip and trying to force myself out of it when it happens involuntarily. I really do like it, but I just feel so ashamed. And I asked my bf of he could be my cg and he said yea, but everytime I'm little around him he seems annoyed or not knowing what to do. I have no one to take care of me when I regress and I just feel like such a burden and that I don't deserve it, and that I'm gross (again this is only towards myself personally, no one else). The only thing I do when I regress is read fanfics about ppl regressing or watch videos about ppl regressing. I get so scared to watch kids shows or color or get my paci out and I don't even know why im having this issue. Anyways,, uh,, help? Advice? /nfta /lh

i've never given advice on this before, but i'll try for you! i'll address it in a bullet point list since thats easier for me! (also i have no idea what that first tone tag means! i am new to tone tags)

Letting yourself be little IS hard, so i don't blame you! i suggest setting up a safe space for regressing, like a specific room of your house if you live with others! your bedroom is the most obvious place, but it can be anywhere you feel the most comfortable!

I personally only regress in the safety of my own room, with my door locked! (my family forgets to knock sometimes and it'd be kinda weird if they came in while i had my paci, yknow?)

I completely understand that feeling of shame, i really do. but if it makes you happy and isn't hurting anyone, then there ISNT any shame in it! you deserve to feel happy and comfortable!

im sure your boyfriend is a lovely person, but not everyone is really... cut out to be a CG? not to say he wouldn't be capable, its simply not for everyone! there's a chance he said yes to make you happy, but isn't super sure on how to look after you. and thats okay!

regardless of how he feels about it, it does NOT mean you are annoying OR a burden. its tough, but you gotta remind yourself that you're allowed to regress, and to be happy!

in the case of him not really being fit to be a CG, uhm.. i don't have a lot of advice there. there IS a whole community of lovely people here on tumblr! there's always a chance you might find and connect with someone enough for them to look after you! just be careful!

as for what you do WHILE regressed, thats up to you! i know a biiiig part of the "aesthetic" or "look" of agere is coloring books, paci's, etc, but you can do literally whatever makes you happy! again, having a lock on your door or something might make you a bit more comfortable to pull out things like coloring books, but thats up to you also!

my final thought is that you DO deserve to regress if thats what you want to do! its like eating or sleeping- you dont have to earn it.

sorry this is so long!! again ive never given advice on this before but you're free to send me more asks or dm me for anything!

#this is so long sorry aaaa #asks #advice

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gracewithducks · 6 years

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Like a Tree (Jeremiah 17:5-10)

My family recently returned from a trip to Florida. We went primarily to visit family – my grandparents are in the process of moving out of their Florida home there as we speak – and we wanted to visit them, to enjoy some sunshine together and to swim in their awesome pool, one more time before they sold. Unfortunately the weather didn’t cooperate. Our visit was overcast and cold – not “polar vortex in Michigan” cold, but still, Florida cold, 50-and-drizzly cold, too cold even for little girls to go in the pool. Fortunately, even though the girls missed the pool, we had a lovely visit with grandma and grandpa, and we also had a surprise in store: the girls didn’t know it, but we were going to Disney World. So there was this one beautiful day. It was one day when the sun actually came out – and I tell you, I think I am at least partly solar powered, because when the sun came out that afternoon, it was like my soul woke up – and the sun was shining and it was in the 70s, probably the most beautiful day of our whole trip. And I remember so vividly sitting that afternoon on a bench in the sun, with my eyes closed, the light on my face, letting the crowds bustle right on by, taking a break in the sun in the happiest place on earth... and my hands are like this (up in front of me, fists almost closed), one hand tightly wrapped around each wrist of my four-year-old, who is in the middle of one of the most epic and out of control temper tantrums of her life. You see, Disney is a wonderful place. And my kids got to go on a lot of amazing rides and meet a lot of fantastic characters. Along the way we learned that both of my girls love roller coasters. They love the thrill rides, the dips and the swoops and the big drops and the wind in their faces... they both love the roller coasters, but many of those rides for safety reasons require you to be a certain height to ride. And for a lot of those rides, in order to be safe, in order to get on the ride, you need to be at least 44 inches tall.

I can now tell you with absolute certainty that, with her sneakers on, when she stands up as tall as she knows how – B is exactly 43 and 3/4 inches tall. And sometimes life is hard when you’re 43-and-not-quite-another-whole-inch tall. Sometimes it means your sister and daddy go ride Space Mountain, and you get left behind.

B and I did a lot of fun and special things while daddy and big sister stood in line. We rode the People Mover – which is a really nice ride, but it’s not Space Mountain. We met Buzz Lightyear – and he’s a really cool guy, but he’s no Space Mountain. We went on the Carousel of Progress, which has the voice of Tom Hanks and a catchy song and lots of educational value and a rotating theater and absolutely no waiting at all... but it’s no Space Mountain. And now we had to wait just ten more minutes, ten more minutes for daddy and sister to finally ride their ride and come meet us. Ten minutes until our family was back together and we made our way to dinner with Cinderella. And those ten minutes were the longest ten minutes of our lives. I told B how lucky we were; we did all those things while daddy and sissy just stood in line. I reminded her we were at Disney World, and the sun was shining and we were on our way to meet Prince Charming. I explained to her about lap bars and rules that are meant to keep her safe. I told all the things that were right. I told her why. But all she could see was that it didn’t feel fair. And she screamed at me. And she cried. And she stomped. And she kicked. And when she started hitting, that’s when I held her hands and didn’t let go. We were past the point of reason. We were neck deep in the disappointment and anger of a not-quite-44-inch-tall four-year-old who was hot for the first time in days and who was tired and overstimulated and who didn’t want to be the little sister any more. And all I could do was hold on. It’s easy in those moments to let it get to you. Too often, I do. Too often, I forget that’ I’m the adult, and when the kid starts yelling, I yell right back. Too often, I start thinking: we never should have come. This is why we can’t do nice things. I start to feel like a lousy mom. I should have found a better way to keep her happy. I should have taught her how to manage her feelings. And when she’s yelling, “You’re mean” and “You’re a bad mom” and “I don’t like you” – sometimes, it feels like she means it. And in that moment maybe she does. So I hold on. I hold on to her, literally, so she doesn’t hurt herself or anybody else. And I hold onto the knowledge that this too will pass – and the amazing thing is, it does. And I hold onto how much I love her, and how much she loves me. And the sun shines. And the tantrum ends. And life goes on. B probably doesn’t even remember that tantrum. But I do. And what I remember most is the calm that I had – which isn’t like me at all – the calm, the peace, that helped me hold on.

At a recent gathering of moms, a speaker talked about grace – specifically in the context of marriage and parenting. They said, grace as a state that you’re in, a state that God puts you in, a state of being where you are loved and valued just as you are now, with no conditions or changes – and if you’re in that state of grace, if you know who you are, and you know that who you are is someone who is beloved and valued by God, and you know that nothing can change that – then you can weather the storms that come.

And the speaker never used this imagery, but I wish they would have – because that’s what comes to mind when I read our scripture for today:

Blessed are those who trust in the LORD, whose trust is in the LORD.

They shall be like a tree planted by water,

sending out its roots by the stream.

It shall not fear when heat comes,

and its leaves shall stay green;

in the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit.

Blessed are those who are rooted in the LORD – who are planted by deep water, who can weather the drought and the heat and the storm. Blessed are those who know that your value doesn’t depend on whether or not your kids throw tantrums, or if they get into the best schools, or your house is a mess, or how your job is going, or if you’re married or single or widowed or divorced – your value doesn’t change when you have a bad day, when you mess up, when you get completely overwhelmed… you can keep going, because your roots run much, much deeper than that.

There is something powerful about being rooted in God’s love. There is something powerful that comes from knowing that you are beloved by God, that God values you so highly that God would trade God’s own life for yours – and nothing that happens to you, nothing that you do, nothing that you don’t do – nothing can change who you really are: you are beloved by God.

It’s a powerful truth. It’s a powerful image, and it’s one I need to hold onto more often – I wish I could tell you that every time my day spirals out of control, every time my kids lose their tempers, I manage to hold onto mine. I wish I could tell you that I always draw on those deep roots, that I turn my face to the sunshine until the storm passes. I don’t. But I’m working on it… and the good news is that, even when I blow my top, those deep roots of God’s love still don’t let me go.

But this imagery, this scripture, runs even deeper than that; it’s about more than just the strength that helps us get through our lousy days. Even in the middle of that miserable tantrum, when B was fighting and screaming and railing with all her might, part of the reason I could keep holding on is because I knew: I was right. I knew that, no matter how much she yelled, she couldn’t go on that ride. And even if I broke all the rules and found a way to smuggle her onto that ride, even though it might make her happy for a few moments – it wouldn’t be the most loving thing I could do for her. She couldn’t go on the ride, because she wouldn’t be safe on that ride; it wasn’t made for her, and as much as she wanted it, it wasn’t right for her. And no matter how much, in that moment, she screamed that I was mean and life was unfair – I knew that I still loved her, and eventually, she’d know that all I was doing was acting out of that love.

When you know what you’re doing is right, when you know it’s rooted in love – even when that love doesn’t look the way people want it to, even when those decisions are hard and your voice is unpopular – when you know, then it’s so much easier to keep holding on.

There’s a reason that this image – of the tree, by the water, that will not be moved – there’s a reason that it became an anthem for the civil rights movement. Because when you know what you’re doing is right, you can weather the storm, you can weather the drought, you can hold on through the violence and the hatred and the anger – because you know, deep down, love will prevail, and if you keep holding on, if you just don’t give in, sooner or later, justice will roll down.

I’ve been thinking a lot about temper tantrums and the deep roots of justice lately. We find ourselves, as a nation, guided by leaders who are willing to bend the rules and abuse their power and manufacture a crisis in order to get their way. And sometimes it seems easier to just give in to the tantruming todder – but in the long run, all that does is hurt them and everyone else. If our leaders want to address a real national emergency, then let’s talk about the 1 in 5 children who go hungry in America.[1] Let’s talk about the 1 in 5 Americans who can’t afford or access the health care they need.[2] Let’s talk about the 100 Americans who are shot and killed every single day – and the hundreds more who survive being shot and have to live with the trauma and the fear.[3] Let’s talk about the fact that our national infrastructure has been reviewed by the American Society of Civil Engineers and given a grade of D+.[4] Our airports, our dams, our water pipes, our roads and bridges are literally crumbling out from under us. Let’s talk about the real global threat of climate change, and the reality that we are running out of time to do something about it – if we haven’t already.[5] Let’s talk about the fact that, here in Michigan, hate crimes are on the rise,[6] and the people of Flint still don’t have clean water three years after a federal state of emergency was declared.[7]

One of the other scripture readings suggested for today is from the gospel of Luke, from Jesus’ sermon on the plain. Jesus sees the crowds, the multitude who have come to him for healing and for hope, and he goes down to a level place – he goes and stands with the people on level ground. And Jesus says,

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh…

But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.

Woe to you who are full now, for you will be hungry.

Woe to you who are laughing now, for you will mourn and weep.[8]

Jesus’ words challenge us – but this, this is the root of his message, and this is where we are meant to be rooted, too. Are we content to be a people who speak comfort to the rich, who stay silent in the face of abuses, who rob from the starving to fill the pockets of the powerful? Or do we, like Christ, put ourselves on level ground with the community around us? Are we proclaiming good news to the poor? Are we healing the sick, and feeding the hungry? Do we weep with those who are weeping – and work to bring them peace?

It’s a lot. But Jesus never promised that discipleship would be an easy road. And it’s more than any one person can do together. But if enough of us keep holding on – if we refuse to be silent – if we don’t give up the fight – then there is always hope.

Holding on is exhausting. But I keep holding on, because I know what’s right, and I am rooted in God’s love, and I believe that – if we keep speaking up, if we keep holding on, if we refuse to give up, then we will keep bearing fruit – and in the end, when the chaff is withered and blown away, justice will prevail and love is going to win.

In the coming days, the United Methodist Church is going to make some important decisions. They’re the same decisions the church has been facing since the very beginning: are we going to be about laws, or are we going to be about love? And many of us are anxious, because those decisions are going to impact the kind of ministry we do, together. But here’s the thing: I may be anxious, but I am not afraid. I am not afraid, because I know what God has called me to do. I know where God has called me to serve. I know that God’s love is for everyone, everywhere – and the sin that God is calling us confront is greed, is the love of power, is injustice and prejudice and racism and fear. And I am going do all I can to keep speaking hope, to keep speaking truth, to keep following that calling God has given me, regardless of what the General Conference decides. I am going to keep doing justice, and loving mercy, and walking humbly with God – no matter what.

I, for one, by God’s grace, am going to keep holding on. I’m going to choose what’s right, even when it’s hard. I’m going to turn my face towards the sunshine, and I’m going to put my roots down deep. I am going to trust that the truth can set us free. And I am going to trust that God’s grace is sufficient even for me.

Oh God, help us to be trees planted by your waters. Give us roots that run down deep in your love. The icy storms around us are turning us brittle and cold; give us tender spirits and warm our hearts again. Help us, even in dry and difficult seasons, to bear fruit of your grace. Make us people who do justice, who love mercy, and who walk humbly by your side. In Jesus’ name we pray; amen.

[1] https://mashable.com/2016/07/14/child-hunger-united-states/#7uhoiUr0jaq3

[2] https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Healthday/story?id=4509618&page=1

[3] https://everytownresearch.org/gun-violence-america/

[4] https://www.cnbc.com/2017/03/09/engineers-give-americas-infrastructure-a-near-failing-grade.html

[5] https://www.usnews.com/news/best-countries/articles/2019-02-10/climate-change-isis-seen-as-greatest-global-threats-survey-finds

[6] https://www.hollandsentinel.com/news/20181114/fbi-michigan-hate-crimes-on-rise

[7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flint_water_crisis

[8] Luke 6:17-26, abridged.

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fuckthisblog · 6 years

Text

h: why are you having trouble completing homework?

me: i feel helpless.

h: but you’re not.

me: yes.

h: so you acknowledge you aren’t helpless?

me: yes.

h: that you can change the scenario at any moment, simply because you decide?

me: yes.

h: then why haven’t you?

me: because I feel helpless.

h: how so?

me: sometimes i feel more helpless having all the power. helpless to the fact maybe i’m unaware i am helpless even when i think im not.

h: thats not logical.

me: i never said it was.

h: you know what this is dont you?

me: yes.

h: then you know how to tackle it.

me: yes.

h: learned helplessness can be unlearned. you’ve done it before.

me: i know.

h: then why are you resisting this time?

me: fear.

both: *laughter*

me: as if that wasn’t fucking obvious.

h: *laughing again*

me: im scared i will forever be crippled by the strangely evil set up of my mental biology.

h: we already know thats a given.

me: *laughing* shut the fuck up

h: go on.

me: will I always need pain to be productive? will i always need fear to function?will any sense of safety or happiness or comfort immediately result in this.. sense of drifting through nothingness? why does safety seem to cause this strange dissociation. this shut down of all drive and adrenaline.

h: you know why.

me: so then do i accept it? do i continue what ive done my whole life and subconsciously yet very intentionally re traumatize myself in order to spur some sort of fight or flight response.. praying i yield the right one for the situation? and dealing with the consequences when i dont. worse, dealing with new trauma when i dont. trauma ive caused myself. trauma i dont feel right in feeling traumatized by because it truly is my own fault in these situations.

h: there are other ways to inspire adrenaline. other more consistent ways, with more dependable results.

me: it’s moments like this i realize you’re fucking evil.

h: i never said i wasnt.

me: im not resorting to the old methods.

h: then reject my idea in the best way you know how.

me: *laughing* fuck you

h: we have two options here. we both know which one you’d prefer. we both know which one i’ll pick if you don’t act soon.

me: brilliantly done. convincing me to rebel against my own fear by inciting an even more visceral terror. you’ve outdone yourself.

h: thank you. i do my best.

me: we both know that’s not fucking true.

h: *begins to hum as the sound of a clock ticking grows increasingly louder*

me: you’ve made your point, im going.

h: *the clock ticking stops, the humming does not*

#personal #her

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gildedalchemist · 6 years

Note

1 - 100

Well then! I actually have some downtime so im doing this. Post was from a while ago but i saved it for when I have time. I’m not gonna answer a number of these fully bc thats TOO much sharing, but I’ll answer as many as i can.

1. What is you middle name?not answering this one

2. How old are you?24

3. When is your birthday?August 25th

4. What is your zodiac sign?Virgo

5. What is your favorite color?Royal Purple, though I like many shades of lighter purples nowadays

6. What’s your lucky number?Yup, 2. If not 2, then 8.

7. Do you have any pets?I have a family dog at home, hes a labradoodle named Sebastian

8. Where are you from?Southern California

9. How tall are you?I like to think I’m 6 feet tall, but im just short of that I think

10. What shoe size are you?11 US Mens, which i think is 14 in womens? I forget the conversion, and it’s damn near impossible to find anything in my size in that department.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?enough that I’ve lost count

12. What was your last dream about?hanging out with @the-senor-sperm, Xavier

13. What talents do you have?I don’t believe in talent. Nobody starts good at anything, it’s all skills that must be trained and maintained.

14. Are you psychic in any way?I have very good gut reactions when I first meet people, generally. It has almost never steered me wrong, especially when it comes to my personal safety. If someone is not to be trusted, I generally know pretty quickly.

15. Favorite song?I’m not sure right now, I’ve been introduced to a lot of new music in the last year and I have a hard time choosing.

16. Favorite movie?Clue!

17. Who would be your ideal partner?Someone who challenges me to be the person I want to be. Someone I can trust with my thoughts and feelings. Someone I can spend my time with and be okay when all else is crumbling. Someone I love. Someone who would sit up with me while I’m deliriously I’ll, and make sure I’m drinking water, and eating, particularly microwave cup ramen. ;P

18. Do you want children?I dunno. I used to. I used to feel like I wanted to prove I could be a better parent, but I don’t feel that need, nor do I want that to be my reason anymore. I just want to live and be happy with my partner. Whatever happens after that, will be decided when the time comes.

19. Do you want a church wedding?Oof. I dunno. The thought is nice but I don’t know if the church would be cool with the wedding I’d wanna have ówò;;;

20. Are you religious?Not really at the moment. I want to believe in something, but that something has no form for me right now.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Yes, I’ve even had surgery! (on my sinuses, im fine now!)

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Not really

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Nope, unless you count internet celebrities, which I dont really. I met Arin Hanson before I knew who he even was.

24. Baths or showers?Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?white

26. Have you ever been famous?lmao nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?No, i don’t like that kind of pressure

28. What type of music do you like?little bit of everything, though i do quite like electronic stuff

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?nope, but if i ever have my own pool and could do so without peeking neighbors, i’d consider it.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?2 usually, but i only have 1 right now because reasons

31. What position do you usually sleep in?either on my side if the bed is real soft, or on my stomach.

32. How big is your house?its pretty decently sized, but I’m living in a dorm right now and not at my parents house

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?nothing

34. Have you ever fired a gun?Yes. I wasnt a fan. I didnt like how easy it is to just point and kill, and i especially hate that people think having that power is a right that should be protected like it is.

35. Have you ever tried archery?yes i have. I enjoyed it from a skill aspect

36. Favorite clean word?spaghetti. its real fun to say

37. Favorite swear word?i like saying chucklefuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?about 40 hours. I’ve never done 2 consecutive all nighters. at that point, i start to pass out when i blink.

39. Do you have any scars?Yes, I have one on my shoulder and lower back from the same injury, one on my knee and shin from unrelated incidents, and scars on my hands, face, and shoulders from injuries and acne over the years

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?If I did, they kept it a pretty good secret. Or not. I am quite oblivious in that regard. Its hard when you just assumed for years that youre unloveable.

41. Are you a good liar?I used to be but not much anymore

42. Are you a good judge of character?Almost always

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?Nope, it is embarassing for me to even try

44. Do you have a strong accent?people say they dont notice an accent from me until i say certain words, like dude, or awesome.

45. What is your favorite accent?New Zealand accents are a hoot

46. What is your personality type?Timid, but caring

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?honestly not sure. most of my stuff isnt that expensive. by original cost probably a cashmere sweater, but I bought it at a thrift shop.

48. Can you curl your tongue?yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?innie

50. Left or right handed?right

51. Are you scared of spiders?somewhat, but I dont react as badly as I used to at the sight of them. only if they touch me.

52. Favorite food?spaghetti? pizza? Xaviers cooking? hard to say

53. Favorite foreign food?sushi!

54. Are you a clean or messy person?clean in many ways, except for my room

55. Most used phrased?“aww, gay.”

56. Most used word?at this point, probably “fuck”

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?if im in a hurry, minutes, if im not, hours.

58. Do you have much of an ego?I can, but i’m working on it. I dont think I do though.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Bite

60. Do you talk to yourself?Usually, mostly to walk myself through things

61. Do you sing to yourself?Rarely

62. Are you a good singer?I think i’m better than i used to be, but im not great

63. Biggest Fear?Losing my best friends. I lost one in a very bad way, I cant stand the thought of losing more.

64. Are you a gossip?Once i got to university I became one, but I didnt used to be. Thats just kinda the environment I’m in. I feel like if i didnt people wouldnt trust me as much or even at all.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?i dunno, im not sure what constitutes “dramatic”

66. Do you like long or short hair?on me, Long. I cant stand how ive looked with short hair anymore. On other people I have no preference.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?Fuck no lmao

68. Favorite school subject?Chemistry, after that Psych or English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?Extrovert with anxiety that makes me present like an introvert, i think is what ive settled on

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?nope

71. What makes you nervous?So many things oh my god

72. Are you scared of the dark?Yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?I do for some people but it is seen as inappropriate to others, and in some cases makes people think im trying to be superior, so I try not to anymore unless asked. Its not my place, unless they want to be corrected.

74. Are you ticklish?Don’t fuckin touch me. I am but I’ll bite.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?No. I had too many false rumors started about me, I wouldnt do that to someone else unless it was true and people needed to know the truth.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?Sort of? I’ve been in classrooms and worked with kids, so i’ve been in situations where they answer to me, but I’ve never really been the main figure head so I’d say no overall.

77. Have you ever drank underage?yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?yes

79. Who was your first real crush?Honestly? I dont even know anymore. I know I had some, but what counts as “real”? I’d guess the one that lead to my first relationship. that was in 2011.

80. How many piercings do you have?none

81. Can you roll your Rs?“nope

82. How fast can you type?pretty fast

83. How fast can you run?I can run pretty fast but only for short bursts now.

84. What color is your hair?brown

85. What color is your eyes?blue-green

86. What are you allergic to?a variety of weeds, trees, grasses, molds, and dust mites

87. Do you keep a journal?not physically. what i post online and in recordable formats count as my journal, so i may look back on what ive said.

88. What do your parents do?my mom is a housewife, my dad works in law

89. Do you like your age?y...yes?? what does this even mean?

90. What makes you angry?injustice and unfairness

91. Do you like your own name?Not my full name, I like my first name’s shortening, so thats why i go by Matt

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?Only John. To honor his memory, and all that he did for me. He set me on the path to become who I am.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?I want my kid to decide that for themself, if I ever have one.

94. What are you strengths?Tenacity

95. What are your weaknesses?Cowardice

96. How did you get your name?My dad named me after his best friend first, then his karate instructor for middle

97. Were your ancestors royalty?not to my knowledge

98. Do you have any scars?wasnt this #39?

99. Color of your bedspread?light blue

100. Color of your room?the one at home is sort of yellowish i think. the room i’m in right now is white.

#asks #long post #personal #Anonymous

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viralhottopics · 8 years

Text

Dear White, Christian Trump Supporters: We Need To Talk

Plenty of pundits keep telling us progressives that we didnt listen to them in the heartland to you of the white working class, to you of conservative Christianity.

Actually, I grew up as one of you. Ive listened to you my whole life, but I dont think I know how to understand you at all.

I suppose now youd consider me part of the so-called liberal elite. Im a west coast university professor with a Ph.D. and almost 30 years of teaching experience. But Im the daughter of a Southern Baptist, working-class pipe fitter at a paper mill in a small, conservative town in northwest Georgia.

My parents did not go to college (my father finally earned a degree after hed retired from the paper mill). Only one of my four grandparents finished high school. I studied hard, got a scholarship, kept studying, kept working, and I moved into the white collar middle class.

My white conservative Christian upbringing had told me that was the American Dream to work hard and succeed. I did, and I feel youre holding it against me now that I no longer share your views. I think you must imagine the liberal elite as East Coast, Ivy League-educated, trust fund babies completely out of touch with how most people live.

Sure, some faculty members grew up with money. Some went to Ivy League schools. But a lot of us professors were you working class kids who did whatever it took to get a college education. Along the way, a lot of us developed progressive ideas, not out of our privilege, but out of our own experiences of discrimination, struggle, and oppression.

We read and argued and wrote and rewrote. We got peer-reviewed, over and over and over. Our ideas are held to incredibly high, rigorous standards, and so, when we speak we do so carefully, thoughtfully, with nuance, and with openness because sometimes we are also wrong. But because weve studied hard and held ourselves up to professional standards, we really do know a lot about what were talking about, and we have something to offer in a real conversation across our differences (including the East Coast Ivy Leaguers who arent as out of touch as you may think). But I dont think you want to hear us or me.

You tell me I need to get over Trumps election and stop being a sore loser. But politics is not a sport. We dont choose teams and simply cheer ours on to victory. My beloved Atlanta Falcons lost the Super Bowl, and, painful though that was, I will get over it. It hurts, but I wont protest, march, write letters, or otherwise resist the outcome, even if we discover New Englands balls were deflated. Its a game, but its not life or death.

This election, however, is exactly that. Perhaps you can tell me to get over it because you do not have to worry that Trump will appoint a Supreme Court justice that could play a role in invalidating your marriage. If Congress passes and Trump signs the First Amendment Defense Act, you probably wont have to worry that a bakery, restaurant, or hotel might legally deny you service. You dont have to worry about being stranded at an airport and refused admission to the U.S. because of the country youre from or the religion you practice. You dont have to worry about having your family divided across the world with a simple signature on an executive order.

You say you are aggrieved because you have not achieved what you think you deserve or you think some less deserving other has taken it. Despite having moved into the middle class, I have spent my career teaching about and advocating for labor unions, a living wage, affordable childcare, social security, affordable healthcare, accessible higher education. Progressives are actually the ones who support the economic programs and policies that could make a difference for the working class.

You have a right to be aggrieved, but I fear you are targeting the wrong people. Low paying jobs, job insecurity, companies moving work overseas, low benefits, little vacation these are the results of decades of policies that benefit the truly wealthy those whose wealth depends not on the labor of their hands but on their ability to exploit the production of poorly paid laborers. The problem is not that immigrants have taken your jobs or drained money from the safety net. The problem is that the system of wealth sets workers against one another so they do not target the real economic power that limits their work and financial security.

You say you want progressives to listen to you. Then prioritize truth. This election was filled with fake news, shared widely on Facebook, and this administration already has begun to create a language of alternative facts to misinform and mislead. If you want to talk, offer evidence, real evidence based on verifiable data and reliable sources, not wishful imaginings or fabricated Breitbart stories. An internet meme is not an informed and legitimate point of argument that facilitates dialogue. Weve reached a point where youd rather believe an overt lie if it supports a belief you already hold than pursue the truth if it might challenge your currently held belief.

The Bible tells us God is a God of truth and the truth will set us free. Yet you chose someone who lies with impunity. I want to understand how you choose to ignore the evidence that is right in front of your eyes photos of the crowds at two different inaugurations, for example. How do you accept what is proven to be a lie? How do you support someone who, rather than correct the record, doubles down on his lies?

Especially, how do you do this in the name of the God of truth? Before the election I saw one of you whod written as an evangelical Christian in support of Trump that God can use anyone. So help me understand why you thought God could use a man whod said hed never asked God for forgiveness, who serially committed adultery, who said he could grab women by the genitals, who cheated contractors and workers, but you didnt think God could use a woman who is a Christian, a lifelong Methodist and who, from the heart, quotes the Bible and John Wesley (when Trump didnt even know how to say Second Corinthians, which he called Two Corinthians, and when asked for his favorite Bible verse struggled to name one until he landed on an eye for an eye. And you know what Jesus said about that one).

I know youve been offended that progressives have called you racist for voting for Trump. I understand that. You dont see yourself as racist. But you did knowingly vote for someone who insulted Latinos, Blacks, Muslims, and Jews. And women. And LGBTQ people. And people with disabilities. Help me understand how that squares with the notion of Gods love for all people.

Can you really imagine Jesus using the words Trump did about these groups of people? How would you characterize voting for someone who is overtly racist? Help me understand how you align your Christian perspective with his racism, misogyny, homophobia, Islamophobia, and antisemitism.

Im afraid that what you want is a nation that conforms to your interpretation of the Bible. Thats where we really run into trouble because that would require you to force your particular conservative Christian beliefs on everyone else. I dont understand how people who want to claim religious liberty for themselves are so unwilling to give it to everyone, which is actually the premise of true religious liberty.

You say you want a Christian nation, but our founders were clear that was never their goal. In fact, the Constitution goes to great lengths to protect the government from religion and religion from government. I also get the sense that you think people are not Christians if they arent Christian in the same way as you. But cant we find some common ground? Cant we agree that all people should be free to practice their religion or practice no religion and should be safe from coercion based on religion? Cant we agree that we share values of love, kindness, respect, and community and then try to live those with each other? Do you really think a Christian, especially a biblical literalist, can want a wall built?

The Bible is clear about how we are to treat foreigners among us no matter how they got here. What if the Egyptians had built a wall before Mary and Joseph fled from King Herod? Our Christian story starts with a refugee family. Can we not practice our shared Christian values with immigrants and refugees coming to our country?

Cant we find common ground on issues like, say, abortion? I think we could have a common goal of lowering abortion rates. After all, you will never end abortions. Maybe you can end the safe, legal ones, but, one way or another, women will still have abortions. They will just be more likely to die from them.

And heres where I think dealing with facts is crucial to find common ground. We know that abortion rates are lower worldwide when there is no global gag order. We also know that what is most successful in lowering abortion rates is access to contraception, accurate sex education, and personal and economic empowerment for women.

To cling to overturning Roe v. Wade as the only way to end abortions is a fantasy based on ideology rather than medical science and social science, and it flies in the face of the evidence for what is successful. So the real question is are you more interested in actual effectiveness in lowering abortion rates or ideological purity? We can lower abortion rates together but not by denying women choices over their own bodies. We can be effective together by listening to the data and working together to ensure all women have access to contraception, education, and social and economic resources. Are you willing to have that conversation?

Ive heard some of you say that well just have to agree to disagree, but thats a problem. You see, were not talking about ideas here. Were talking about actual human lives. If we were talking about predestination or modes of baptism or premillennialism, Id say, sure, lets agree to disagree. The stakes are pretty low. But if were talking about the rights of people to access housing, clean water and air, and healthy food or the possibility of a nuclear arms race or discrimination written into law or women losing basic life-saving health screenings, or young black men being incarcerated disproportionately, or Native peoples having their sacred sites desecrated and their water poisoned, or Muslim people being targeted for their faith, then the stakes are much higher, and I cannot simply agree to disagree.

Thats why Im writing you now. We need to talk, and I dont know how to talk to you anymore. I need to know, is it more important to you to win than to do good? Or can we build coalitions? Listen to science? Rely on real evidence? Be effective? Put the needs and rights of all others above ideologies? Can we live the love of God we claim? You want me to hear and understand you. I get that. I also want you to hear and understand the rest of the world that is not you or your kind. Because they too are Gods people and therefore are in the circle of those whom we must love. You taught me that when I was a child. If we can agree on that now, we have a place to start.