#ive spoken so much lol ive just written a lot

[pregnantsecondo]

woag. idk if my asks are going through...please do tell about your silly bone guy

Only ask ive gotten from you 😭

OKOKOK, SO

Everrét was a ballerina before he died. He was a very good one and he liked to dance but he didn't really like everything else that came with being a dancer during the time period (might get too heavy so I'll say that its not good). He has a twin brother, though they aren't identical twins (Everrét is trans lol). He also had a husband when he was alive. As far as husbands went he was good. He wrote music for Everrét.

After Everrét dies though (and I call it dying but it's more of a technicality. He doesn't die so much as he becomes dead. That doesn't really make sense but that's how it is), he ceases all contact with his family. For many reasons. Partially because he wants to be forgotten by them and partially because he's afraid that they won't see past the part he played when he was living.

Anyway, in the world of the dead (haven't come up with the name of the place. It sort of functions as a city where it has names for different parts, so Underworld is an area rather than the name of the whole place), the purpose of being there is to sort of wait for souls to make peace with themselves before they get reincarnated. Sort of a holding place. Everrét won't ever reincarnate though. He's sort of stuck there forever, and he's also one of the few skeletons in the place, most dead people still have skin and such.

Also he's sort of popular with grandmothers and young children. His home is nestled in an area of the afterlife that has a lot of dead children and they see everétt as a pretty cool guy. Tbh he's kind of emo and sad tho.

[danandphilplay]

im going to put my answers below bc i know some of these vids are likely not returning to dnp and i do agree with that i just wanted to do a fun poll abt if you could have another of these vids then which would you choose. ofc like ive said before we have no control over dnp uploads and i fully know some of these won’t come back lol

ok first of all i don’t think pinof is coming back and i think that’s been clear for ages anyways like ten is a nice number to leave it. HOWEVER i do think an april fools dapc pinof would be hilarious. answering crafties questions and whatever they send to craft universe dnp.

same with amazingdan BUT maybe there’s a slight chance of reacting to amazingdan. maybe not since so much time has already passed since pinof reactions (four months …..) honestly out of the options i’m not that bothered about pinof or amazingdan i feel like they’re classic dnp content that’s fine left as it is

ok for the pizza mukbang thing i don’t care for it to be a mukbang video lol like the actual thing was the nice sit down talk vibes pyjama pizza w friends maybe this is exactly what dan means abt being parasocial 😭 but that video is nice so i don’t think the actual mukbang part of it is that important it’s more the sit down talk style vid

i think i would do anything for another day in the life but i feel like it is prob peak parasocial content. would it count as phouse tour probably. do i think there will be a phouse tour no bc it sounds like it is still having a lot of work done 😭 and i honestly don’t really care abt it… i think the sims renovation was fun and an insight into their interior design opinions lol and that is enough for me

i put it takes two bc a lot of people want to see the next bit i like the game but not rly enough. idk it’s been awhile since that first vid and in terms of other games and things from dnp i don’t rly mind about it takes two being ignored 😭

i know baking is not a discontinued thing anymore bc HALLOWEEN but BUT i really believed easter baking would be a thing 💔 dapc had so much put into it that i kind of forgot about wanting a baking vid but 💔 i can’t lie i think i got set on the expectation for it. like the baking vids have always been absolute classic staple dnp content but definitely the cinnamon roll one was like the baking vids to the extreme… the full potential AND THE BAKE WAS GOOD TOO. the vid was also pretty popular. so my expectations for easter were a bit high. ok so if this poll is like magically summon a dnp vid 🪄 maybe id consider baking because i just love it so much like irl as a hobby but also then dnp doing one of my fav things too and it being so fun idk it’s some of the best dnp content imo. i would love them to try a series of making food from videogames but no offence to them i don’t get the vibe that they cook a lot…… so i think it might not happen. but dil is turning TEN in september so maybe dnp special dil birthday cake baking vid 💔 pleaese pleasemaybe

i think tumblr tag is totally plausible although ik the april fools tumblr tag thing 💔 bc the twitter vid happened i think they’ll do a tumblr one at some point. there’s so much amazing art on here not just fanart but written stuff video and photo edits so i’d want them to see all of that as well as the funny stuff. this isn’t like top of my list of things i’d want to see but it’s definitely one of the more plausible things

dapc behind the scenes content its either happening or it will never be spoken of

honestly idk if they would do reactions to the super amazing project. bc like what vids would they choose. maybe i can see them referencing it or discussing it if someone asked or in a live but idk about reaction vids.

ok draw my life would be fun and i’d watch them. i’d watch an updated dil draw my life too. they put so much effort into that dil draw my life. maybe an updated one for dil’s 10th birthday will happen? that would be pretty fun.

i think if i had to choose it would be a ditl vid. top 3 would be ditl, mukbang or literally just any sit down talk vid, and another baking video. ditl may literally just be bc of nostalgia i don’t really see it happening again but who knows. again just a poll about which vid you’d want to see if you could magic up a dnp vid i definitely know some of these aren’t coming back or very unlikely to

[astonmartinii]

F1 ASKS!

i saw this tag floating around and wanted to let yall get to know me better since i’ve been doing this a while and have only really spoken in the form of authors notes! also im not going to tag anyone so just do it if you wanna!

who is your favourite driver?

i think for anyone who has read anything i’ve ever written it’s probably a bit obvious but max verstappen! what can i say little me was told we’re supporting red bull and here was this little charmer (emphasis on little who let that child get into an F1 car)

do you have other favourite drivers?

also based on my writing you can probably tell that my top three are max, charles and oscar! however, i will also say that alex is a close fourth for me (he’s also very nice irl). also as for retired drivers i think the mamma mia series is a bit of a spoiler but i love jenson, seb and kimi

who is your least favourite driver?

i used to say i didn’t dislike anyone on the grid - that was a lie. i’ll still write for anyone within reason but you can also probably tell with how in detail the back and forth is on certain pieces that i am really not a fan of sainz, actually people who get yelled at while i write them would argue it’s more than “not really being a fan of” but i am fake and i have maintained that if i meet him at silverstone (which i very nearly did last year) ill tell him im his biggest fan! also not the biggest fan of like pierre he’s just kinda there for me and a wee bit too cringey ALSO what you may not be able to guess from how i write him… im not really a fan of lando! ive really, really tried especially after his win but he just kinda rubs me the wrong way (i was immediately proven right with the trump comments lol). people say i should pull for him cause he’s from bristol which is where i live but he’s from glastonbury babe - also ive done a few swimming competitions at the school he went to a WOAH baby has so much money.

do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

i mostly pull for drivers but like i guess i like red bull? well i did. i love max so i would follow him everywhere but i did like red bull as well as a team (i like alex, danny and checo so that also helps) but this whole protection of christian horner shtick is really disappointing so id say im a driver person.

if you like teams, who do you pull for?

like i said red bull were the team id pick if i HAD to follow a team - i support chelsea so i cant handle even more disappointment if i followed ferrari and also i only like charles there and they’re the source of all of his misfortune so …

how long have you been into F1?

so my family has always been into F1, my cousin karts and my uncle is a mechanic and makes karts on the side but i had always been more into football cause i could actually go to that with my dad - and also for young me who didn’t know what the fuck a strategy was it seemed kinda boring. but i’d say from maybe 2016ish i started watching it more regularly (hence the max stanship). my mum loves it and her first love in the sport was mark webber which is why we like red bull. but yeah i remember watching max’s first win and was like MUM I WANT THAT ONE (and i have technically met him? idk we made eye contact when his taxi nearly ran over my foot)

what got you into F1?

my mum! i love her and she’s just as much a passionate fan (and hater when appropriate) so it’s a nice thing to do together - especially because me and my dad are season ticket holders at chelsea so spend a lot of time together doing that so this is like my sport time with my mum (along with the olympics that’s our shit we’re very excited for the swimming). so i guess it was being around her watching it and listening to her and my dad argue about it! my mum is an ardent seb supporter and my dad is like a twitter account away from being in teamLH so canada 2018 (2019?) was VERY entertaining. also my uncle loves it so he likes that im proper into it (like have a sports journalism degree) and so we always chat about it - he’s trying to recruit me into motogp next

do you enjoy fanfic/RPF?

i mean i’ve written so much i must love it. lol jokes i do enjoy it and i feel like it helps me like people more (case in point: when i was trying to make myself enjoy the lando win i just read my own fics of him LOL)

but also its something fun to do that’s also creative and has helped me make new friends from all over

how do you view new fans?

ugh i hate the hate new fans get like not everyone can be born into loving a sport? if anything the more people that watch and love the sport the more money it’ll make? idk this whole superiority complex some fans have is just so unneeded for the sport and we all know why is majorly directed at girls. i do fear that some of the new fan behaviours could border on worrying - waiting outside hotels and ambushing drivers is stalking actually!

but overall im always happy to have new people in a sport - a bigger community is always good and new fans bring new perspectives which is good as older fans may just be desensitised to “normal” things in the sport but new eyes can remind them - hey halos are the best thing to happen to F1 and red flags in heavy rain are necessary.

if you could take over as any team principal for any team who would it be and why?

i know i previously dunked on ferrari but there needs to be an intervention because my girly max already has three championships and i need charles to get at least one so i can die happy - then ill move to mclaren, kick zak brown up the ass get a piastri championship and bounce (honourary race with willams or whatever team alex is with cause i need all three 2019 rookies to be race winners)

are your friends and family into F1 as well?

i feel like my other answers answered this but yeah! i also recently reconnected with an old primary school friend who is also really into it. i went to a sports uni so basically everyone there liked it as well (which means me and a friend did trek to the F1 arcade at 4am to watch aus 23 where she had a public meltdown over sainz (i enjoyed it)). also ive made a couple friends through working at races!

are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

i always am! i am a year out of uni and working from home with all my home friends still at uni after taking gap years so i am big time lonely so always feel free to slide into my messages!

[gramarye]

answering asks that i forgot to because well. the . forget disorder

this is like when that meme about swedish people not feeding their guests dropped... i mean im not swedish but finland has a lot of swedes and i have definitely never encountered that, same with the shoes thing...... i dont know why you wouldnt wanna take your shoes off Especially in a country with lots of snow and ice like thats just asking for dirty water everywhere. SCARY!

also lol yeah there is !! it's not super hard though.... basically spoken finnish is like a less formal way, it's usually just shortened written finnish?

take the sentence "i am going outside", in written finnish it's "minä menen ulos" , and in spoken finnish it's "mä meen ulos" . and even then some people use the longer forms when speaking, it's not really like two separate whole things, you can mix and match. that said finnish is scary otherwise so i dont blame you LOL

thank you heres koshkys face being held by my partner . she gets pampered soo much despite being a devious little creature

i get sad they dont sell floppy disks in regular tech stores anymore..they really should.... why cant people get with the times (realize that floppy disk cameras are fun and cool and they make cute whirring noises)

thank u this is sweet ive never rly spoken Public about it before thsi but a lot of people know and honestly if you knew me 5+ years ago it was sadly one of those cases it was obvious there was Something going awn with me by my looks i did not look good lol. i had a lot of bad things in my life and i kinda coped with that and then made my life even worse for a very long time. #CRINGE. now its cool and i hope i can make other people feel like eating is cool and nice because it is... sorry idont really know how to talk about this in public. THANKS im flourishing

[jackinalex]

Hi there! I really like your writing, you write plots that suck people in very well. I have a question though, and please take this as genuine curiosity because that really is what it is. What are your thoughts on the, hmmm let's say ethics, of writing fanfiction about real people? Ive found myself drawn to the dynamics of relationships for both real and fictional pairings, but when it's real, there is always something that kind of twinges at me. I've seen interviews where sometimes the subjects get uncomfortable knowing people write about them, and I could see how I might feel wierd about it if it were me. But on the flip side, the stories are of course fiction. You seem very involved in this side of the fandom, and I would be very interested to know your thoughts.

Putting this under a cut bc it’s so long lol.

Thank you for the compliments! You made my morning. To answer your question, I think that rpf is a complex and nuanced topic, but what it really boils down to is the subjects' feelings. I’ve written rpf in some capacity for going on thirteen years and will use each of those fandoms as examples to express the nuances of the topic.

When I was 14-16, I wrote WWE fanfiction. The difference between wresting rpf and say, bandom rpf, is that WWE for the most part is fictional and the wrestlers portray some sort of character, even if they go by their real names, therefore it is similar to writing about a tv show or movie (though some people include their real lives and real families). I’ve heard a few wrestlers say that fan fiction is a little weird, but the ones I wrote about never said it made them especially uncomfortable. In fact, Torrie Wilson (my queen), has even tweeted about Jorrie, which is the ship of her and John Cena, which was my first rpf ship I ever wrote about.

When I was 16-18, I wrote YouTube rpf, first about Pewdiepie and Cryaotic (I know, yikes), and those two (especially Cry, and I know, yikes again) spoke at length about how they didn’t mind fan fiction at all. They even read some as content for their channels. I then wrote about Ian and Anthony from Smosh, who also read fan fiction (MANY) times for their different channels. They even read part one of my fics on their channel at one point. Sometimes Ian and Anthony did seem a bit uncomfortable with the fanfiction, but it was more that they didn’t want to read the fics themselves and less that the fics existed. They’ve spoken at length about how they’re happy for people to express themselves in any way, even if it’s through fan fiction about them.

Finally, we have ages 19-now. I’ve written about Jalex for the longest period of my life (nearly ten years, which is nuts). It’s interesting because they’ve made hundreds of jokes about fucking each other for years, made references to fics and how they want people to keep writing them, and Jack even had a Jalex shirt for his JAGK line. Then, around 2012, interviewers started pushing them to talk about it far too much to the point where it made them uncomfortable. So I don’t think it was the fics themselves, but rather being asked about them and being put on the spot.

I say all of this to say that I think rpf is okay if you do the following:

Find out if the subject has explicitly stated that they do not want to be included in fic.

DO NOT send the fics to anyone you’ve written about (unless they’ve asked for them, for some reason). Also, do not mention fics or shipping to these people (unless, again, they’ve asked you to).

I think that people have the right to not want to be written about, but as you said, it is purely fiction. Also, when people have large platforms and have lots of fans, there are “fan” things that kind of just happen, not just fics, but also fanart, fan edits, speculation, gossip, etc. It’s part of the fame. The love and admiration people hold for their favorite celebrities has to go somewhere and that’s often through fanwork.

I hope this somewhat answers your question! I can only speak from my own experience, but this is the conclusion I’ve come to after years of rpf. If you’re interested in participating, we’d love to have you! Our fandom is small, but loyal and tight-knit. Much love!

[newty]

How could I not? lol blue light new 💎

@asamis-jodhpurs also asked for this one! it's is also a refresh of something much older. i mentioned it in my 2023 writeup under a 'shame' line, but the draft is called 'blue light' bc eli encourages nol to kiss him so nol pushes him into a stained glass window and they make out. i'd always intended for them to walk away from that glass and have sex, but since its their first time its just so. so so goddamn complicated. my wip is very all over the place.

there's a LOT of up and down in nol's disgust and joy (before we even get to the bed) with the disgust being very internal and the joy being more external--so elliot doesn't immediately see that nol is going thru a p extreme self-hatred episode (lbr what's new)

so i didnt want to write something that was uncritically 'i hate my body (it hurts & wont let me die), my appearance (ugly burn scars everywhere), my life (god hates me & war sucks), and my sexuality (sex is bad, sex w men is worse)' without balancing it with SOME levity jfc nolanel

For a moment he wondered how life could come to this: his chest beating against another, a tongue like holy fire in his mouth, love spoken in soft moans. A murky shame trailed through him, indefinable and weak, and he dismissed it by freeing the word in his heart. "Yes," he said, as candid as a prayer.  Elliot leaned against Nolanel and softly pushed him into the shadows. He separated his body from the blue gleam and offered it to desire.

i think i use sex too often as a catalyst moment for a perspective change, and im not beating that allegation here, but nol really needs it LMAO in the end i think ill weight the next morning with the bulk of nolanel's meltdown. he's going back to war and there's no way brucemont is gonna let him get away w positive character development after a few days home.

ive written two things already that stand under a similar conflict, ie 'is while getting off rly the time u should be contemplating guilt & social responsibility,' and one is ch2 of "the light i hear" (i made a joke abt this fgjdhfjg). the other is "will it rain," which is still a fav of mine:

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

I've never put an once of make-up on my face in my life and I feel like I'm a minority. Does it make me ugly? Is it a necessity to be considered pretty? Have I missed something, am I proper woman... These questions feel silly spoken (or written) aloud but I kinda catch myself thinking them everytime someone talk about their make-up and I get 'oh that is true, women do that, everyday in society' am I doing something wrong (with my life, but that's a broader subject and always debattable lol). Sorry for the rant I have no idea where I was going with this

hahah no worries, idk what sparked this but you're def welcome to drop your rants in my inbox. in no way does not wearing makeup make you ugly. there is def a beauty standard that's very persistent about women and makeup. i think discourse and actions around it have shifted in the past years to a place where people do makeup for the sake of doing it, bc it makes them feel pretty, or weird, or funky, or it's just fun. i like that, since makeup to me feels like another way of modifying/enhancing my features, like with my tattoos and clothes. gotta be honest, it isn't every day that i feel like going outside without makeup on, bc ive been raised on those beauty standards and i "know" people will notice. (if i arrive at work without makeup ppl will ask me if im tired or sick, so.) luckily, as ive been growing a bit older and wiser, ive learned to like my face without makeup again. i only started after hs bc i was going through an intense emo phase and black eyeliner was a must lol. i still wear makeup in that same way. it's to show im part of that subculture in a way. but. no matter how much i like makeup, i do wish no one in the entire world ever felt like they had to wear it. it fucking sucks that a lot of people don't go outside without a full face of makeup, as if their natural skin isnt good enough.

but yeah. this is a whole fucking can of worms. i hope that everyone who uses makeup does it for the sole purpose of pleasing themselves. you just keep doing your thing and it's always, always good enough.

[starlit-bawka]

20 Questions For Fanfic Writers!

No way I got tagged by the really awesome @h4mm132l1c3, and ill tag a couple of other people too probably

1: How many works do you have on Ao3?

Currently I've got 59 things on AO3!! There are a couple more on my long-defunct wattpad though, and I've got a bunch of December whump I need to catch up on too so there will be more

2: What's your total Ao3 word count?

72,774!! Wow!!! And like...90% of that is oneshots! Go me!

3: What fandoms do you write for?

Currently writing for DSMP and QSMP the most atm :O I also write for the PJO fandom, Homestuck, and DR on occasion, too. I get very tempted to write for Stardew Valley and Scott Pilgrim, and I have been. More than tempted to write CareBears stuff too. I'm in deep chat

4: Top five fics by kudos?

(Un)Lifetime Achievement Award, Take Your Secret Son to Work Day, Las Nevadas and the Frozen Fox, Alone I Began, and Of Lost Gods!

5: Do you respond to comments? Why/Why not?

For the most part yeah! I don't get too too much interaction and I just get!! So excited when I get comments! I love seeing what people say and I love to respond! But sometimes I don't, often cause I don't know what to say lol

6: What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm,,,good question! Probably Why Do I Cry? or maybe Famous Last Words? Gone are the Joys I Knew? I don't really know! I write a lot of sort of mopey sad fics ig LMAO

7: What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

mmmmmmm,,,,not sure for this, either! My Fundy Fluff Week stuff is all supposed to be sorta fluffy which is probably happy

8: Do you get hate on fics?

Not hate, per say, but comments on the accuracy of my characters, which kinda stabbed my ego a bit lol. It was a nice comment! But the way it was worded was so ouchie!

9: Do you write smut?

I've. Been tempted. As of right now I haven't, though!

10: Do you write crossovers?

Another one of me being tempted!! I haven't yet but I LOOOOVE to read them and so I'd love to write one sometime. (We aren't counting my old VLD Steven Universe au.)

11: Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so! Fingers crossed it hasn't happened lol I doubt it would

12: Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! But if someone were to want to, I would say go ahead! Just send it to me so I can see :D sounds so cool!

13: Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Very recently was my first time doing a proper co-write/collab, which I did with my lovely friend Seven! I would love to do more they're so fun (and probably one of the only ways I'll easily end up writing a multichap KEKW)

14: What's your all-time favorite ship?

ouuuuu ive got a lot of pairings I really really cherish. Jercy my beloved, uhhh Valgrace is so silly, I like to consider myself one of The Kamuegi writers ever, and Pumpkinduo kind of holds an insanely special place in my heart

15: What's the WIP you hope to finish but doubt you ever will?

(Un)Lifetime Achievement Award as sad as it sounds. I love it so much and I'm so insanely proud of it and I love the story but there's soooo much planned and the person I was planning it with hasn't spoken to me in a while. I have hope that I'll finish it someday! Or at least get another two chapters out!

16: What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhh,,,,I don't. actually know! I do a lot of flowery sentences ig? and I think I'm pretty good at angst and similar things

17: What are your writing weaknesses?

Making (and completing) multichap fics, getting ideas to write, finding the motivation to write, and I am definitely bad at planning things out in advance

18: Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've done it pretty sparingly in the past, because I want to incorporate other languages and loooove language, but don't know any of them very well aside from English. But I try to do a lot of research before I add something in, and am 100% open and insistent that someone correct me if I messed up, or if there's another way to go about saying what I'm trying to say, or just to tell me more!

19: First fandom you wrote for?

Never published because I was a kid and it was. So Bad but !!! It was actually for the Minecraft Roleplay series Mary and Dad's Minecraft Adventure (MADMA) back around 2011-2013. I've been in mcrp hell for. a LONG time jesus christ

20: Favorite fic you've ever written?

ohhhh good question. Fullbury Records is very special to me and I'm ALWAYS thinking of what to add to that series, and (Un)Lifetime Achievement Award ofc is also very special to me. I think Heart to Heart is going places once I get back to writing the next chapter, too But I'm also veeeerrry proud of Famous Last Words, and it's very special to me as a projection piece LMAO

Tag time!!

@dyke420-69 @sparrowsong07 and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it lolol be sure to tag me so I can see :D

[lcandothisallday]

Are u still accepting/writing requests?

yesssss😌😌 I usually always am but the speed at which I might get to your request might take a while😅

but please do request! makes me motivated to write😋 for a refresher (or some of you may not know), here are some requests that I tend to ignore/feel uncomfortable writing:

concepts/ideas that ive already written about. I have A LOT of work written and so I've done a few generic ones so have a look at my masterlist to see if I've done it already. I get many repeat requests😅

very common tropes (sick reader/jack, reader being on period, things of that sort) because its been done so much already by other creators and I dont think id bring anything new or creative to the idea😔

very descriptive reader (includes: race, height, language spoken, sexuality, etc.) I like to keep my reader as neutral as possible. the only thing I specify about my reader is that they're female because I tend to use a lot of female 'geared' nicknames and commonly female body descriptions (cleavage, curves, etc.)

no dark themes pls (not that ive gotten any but still good to include so yall know lol)

Other than that, you can request just about anything😋 im excited to see and sorry if this feels 'restricting' but if followed, then your request will most likely be transferred to drafts rather than staying in my inbox LOL

[ilysmxiao]

your title is gone now, childe. | childe x reader

ok this is rlly shitty bc ive nvr written for childe before. the reason why i did was bc there was a yt vid (which the link is here) and a lot of ppl were writing ab it,, so i decided to join in on it and my friend rlly liked it lol. so im posting this here . this is super shitty tho, cus i rushed it. childe is probably occ so b warned. anyways i might start writing genshin fics, so yea. pls pls pls check the warnings bc this is triggering,, gn prns used !! i wrote this listening to i bet on losing dogs on repeat lmao summary : the love of your life remains as your enemy, even as you both grow closer and share memories you would never share with another person. although you truly loved him, he had what you didn’t. in our lives, we do what we can to achieve what we want, even if it ruins what we already had. we must pay the price if we sought to get what we wish. warnings : character death, gore/blood, knife stuff, possible manipulation?? jus overall sad shit. please dont read this if ur triggered by those things !! 

at first, it had felt like a game - a childish one, in which both had fought for the title they held so dear. a number was just so in many eyes, but in their own, it held much more meaning. to be a harbringer, you must prove your strength. to achieve such title, it wasn't considered dirty to cheat, as it all was just part of the game. as time went on, though, it all had lost it's meaning, though one continued to fight - whether that was to prove he earned his title, and did not want to lose the superiority that it granted him, or for other selfish reasonings that even his inner thoughts refused to accept. due to his own lack of true understanding of the powers others held to make himself seem all the greater, childe went into the war blindly; yet, at the same time, too aware, so much so that his concentration on his weak spots created a new one entirely that was left open. it was not paranoia that put him in this spot, but his own selfish reasons he had yet to entirely understand. a cough escaped the males lips, blood dripping down from the corner of his mouth. it was then, did he realize he underestimated his lovers strength, their willpower, and the lack of true love they held for them. even with a knife against their neck, they would not back down, and it was far too late to realize such. whether [y/n] truly loved him or not, whether they used him for the title that granted them so much power in liyue, he could not tell if what angered him was the lies he had been given or the very fact he so gradually fell straight into them. in the end, all that mattered was who won, but he was unsure if the battle he sought was one he truly wished for. although he was a merciless harbringer, one with no care for the likes of someone like [y/n], he still had a right to love. not only so, but at the end of the day, [y/n] promised him that if all else corroded around the two, they would always be there. childe refused to listen to the soft spoken echoes of the loving words [y/n] used to tell him. he refused to watch the sweet memories of the two playing with teucer, bringing back the toys [y/n] taught him how to make for the pure fact that the poor kid would not find out the truth - or when they would lay in bed together, speaking of the many stories they had experienced in their lifetimes that made them who they were now. but when all is said and done, what all of that was true? did any of it mean anything, if the ones people truly loved hurt them in a way that was unforgivable? when they took away the one thing that meant so much to them? when all is taken, what do they become; what happens then? "oh, oh, my little baby," his lovers lips cooed, their hand softly grazing the others chin. "what have you become?" a soldier that blindly ran into war, fighting against a force he could never put his finger on. the title of a harbringer was an important one, though, how important it was to another was never going to be the same as the other. childe lacked to realize such, stuck in a bubble of his own selfishness and his love for the other - he never cared to realize how much it might have meant to the other. he never sought to realize the power that being even related to one it gave them, or the trip that it would put them on. childes eyes gazed up at his lover, soon shooting away to the empty space beside them. upon looking into those blue eyes of his, one could see the color began to dull and the ambitions he once held began to fade. "i should have been more cautious of you, i would have never expected you to be the one to steal this from me." although he said it in a tone that could show the way he laughed at his own faults, [y/n] knew very well that he had officially been stripped of what power he had held. "you underestimate me, childe. did the acts of other teach you nothing? even the ones you love betray you, a war can not have two winners." a small, hoarse chuckle left his lips; a burning sensation growing in his abdomen. the blood continued to poor out of his side, in which, caught his attention - his eyes glanced at the wound at his side, then back at his lover. he knew his time was up, as the thoughts of his loved ones and the risks he had managed to pull through with scattered his mind - was it worth it, leaving his loved ones behind, his younger brother who had meant as much to him as he did to teucer, in the end? "i hope that..," [y/n] paused for a moment, a small sigh leaving their lips. "in the next life, we meet again, and that you are sure not to let your guard down." the gaze that casted upon childes body soon wavered, turning into almost a sad one, perhaps even a disappointed one - in that moment, when their gaze met each others, they both realized what this both costed them both. it was clear that [y/n] still loved him, and always have loved him, and that was the breaking point for the both of them. one refused to show it, the other was uncaring of what he had let the other see. what is left after life is what truly matters, and although you may not like how it ended, at least something stuck with you until the end. right? "i-i'd like to believe that, [y/n]," childe muttered shakily, his brows very slightly furrowing. "you truly can not trust those closest to you." although the males lover already knew what they had done, what it had costed them - the one person he had chosen to love, the last words to leave childes lips was what had made him fully understand what he had done and the pain was one he knew that he never truly would be able to get away from. "well, we will see, won't we?" there was a pause, silence soon flooding the air. childe knew his time was coming, he accepted it, and it nearly mortified him to know things had to end the way it was going to. "y-yeah, we will.," few words left childes lips, and another blade plunged into his stomach. another groan left his lips, his face coiling slightly in pain. if you were to look hard enough, you could almost see the tears that soon began to prick the males eyes. "i love you, ajax." soon, [y/n] wrapped their body against their dying lover, and childe attempted to do the same. "i-i.., love.. you, too." those were the final words that childe spoke, his body soon going limp in his lovers arms. the words he spoke still lingered, echoing in the bristling sounds of leaves swaying in the wind - nothing more, nothing less. to become a harbinger, there were no rules - you just had to prove you were worthy of such a title, no matter what it costed, no matter how you cheated the rest. life does not come with special privilege's, no one will let you surpass them willingly, you have to fool them into believing you cant, and only then will you be able to reach what you sought for.

[fairycosmos]

obviously you know yourself better than anyone else but for me personally it was a huge realisation that liking fictional men (who are mostly written by women) is not the same thing as being attractive to real life men. Neither are celebrities because they're basically designed to be appealing and also I wouldn't actually want to sleep with my favourite celebrities irl it's very different from how I actually feel about the real life women I fall in love with.This is not me diagnosing you with lesbian I don't know you it's just me saying when you think about these things just think about the relationships you actually want irl and don't worry about anything else /1

/2 just don't every worry or feel obligated to feel anything in particular about men. your identity is about the experiences you want to have with other people and you're allowed to feel anything you want outside of that and not owe anything to anyone about it. you can also be bi and still want nothing to do with men if that's what you want. just bc you're attracted to them still doesn't mean you owe them anything

thank you so much!! 💖 this was so nice to hear cuz i feel like it’s such a messed up and complicated topic in my head so it’s reassuring to see it spoken about so directly. honestly i have no clue what my deal is - i can’t tell if i feel uncomfortable around irl cishet men because of my sexuality or because of misogyny or because of mental illness/trauma LMFAO. 😭 i know ive been attracted to them in the past it’s just becoming really rare for me now. with irl guys i mean. bisexual still feels like a comfortable label that makes a lot of sense to me, but idk - it could just be that im not as absolutely certain about it as i thought. and maybe i never will be until i start dating again, if i ever do that is. idk i didn’t used to care that much about the way i identify or about who i was into, but im realising it plays a bigger role in my life than i wanted to believe. which makes things really difficult for me because either way im not straight which is like, low-key a problem to a lot of ppl in my life so. it’s just shit. i think my brain just automatically is drawn to non threatening fictional / famous men who i can project onto and also never confront IRL lol. but yeah i definitely don’t want my life to be dictated by my proximity to dudes at all so yeah ur right!!!

[pridewhatpride]

ok so I read your view on GX rivalshipping and how things would get messy when johan shows up because I was curious about another GX rivalshippers opinion, and holy you and I have the EXACT same thoughts.

Ive went on and on about how manjoume as a rival (and as someone who could have had the ability to support judai) was tossed aside as soon as johan shows up + turned into the comedic relief chara and nobody ever really knows what the hell im talking about LOL. a big thing for me is just how DIFFERENT that would be for manjoume as well? in the seasons before johan shows up judai is so clingy towards him, always busting into his room and being in his personal space...

then mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon and suddenly judai is like. smitten. which like youve pointed- out who could blame judai? johan is hard to hate and hes kind of perfect in every way. I always imagine what that would do to manjoumes self esteem in particular, because as we all know it IS a bit fragile at times, especially when it comes to being the best he can be.

I think having johan around would make him feel absolutely insignificant not only as someone who LIKES judai, but even just as judais friend. is he really so horrible at being a support that judai needs a stranger to lean on? even though he never asked for judais help much, is he really such a burden when he needs to be saved? why is judai acting like hes never been able to connect with manjoume, who can also see duel spirits, before? whoever said opposites attract obviously havent seen judai and johan! thoughts like that.

I could go on and on but I dont want you to have to read my 2746373 word long ask about them. id love to hear any thought or analysis you have on GX rivalshipping because its my favourite and the shippers are so rare, so I encourage you to post them whenever you feel like it!

Dear anon.

You can't ever know just how happy receiving this in my inbox made me. I can't fully express how grateful I am at the simple fact that you read my long rambles and reached out to me. I respect your anonimity if you want to keep it, but honestly, DM me whenever, if you want to. I think I'd like to talk to you if you're comfortable with it? I really do want to read your "2746373 word" essay on them. For the rest of my life.

I might get a little personal in terms of my view on this, so just... be aware.

The thing is that the way Manjoume is cast aside is just... a big fear of mine. "Sure, we might be friends now, but I'm not all that good and you know it. You won't mean any harm by it, but you'll find someone you like better and I'll be alone again." That kind of line of thought is probably something that goes through Manjoume's mind? He doesn't really... have friends outside of Judai. Maybe Fubuki. And Daichi? Except he disappears into nothingness very quickly. But that's it. And he certainly had none before that: just lackeys who pretended to like him because he was rich and perceived as promising. He lost that and suddenly found himself isolated.

It's nice to think that he bonded with the other members of the gang, but... he didn't. Shou certainly never really stops disliking/making fun of him. You could say it's meant as like... friendly teasing. But it doesn't read that way because there is nothing to indicate actual affection. Kenzan, Aster and the transfer students just... barely interact with him? Like have they actually ever spoken to eachother? I doubt it. Ryo is just the admirable upperclassman. Again, barely any interaction. Asuka is... a mess I don't want to get into, but again, she would probably file a restraining order if she could.

So yeah. Manjoume has one friend and the taller and cooler guy just kind of takes that away. Of course Johan is not aware of this! He wouldn't have been able to do much to change it, either way. It was Judai's own choice and that's what hurts the most, to me.

If shifting the focus and making minor changes to canon is something you like to do, here's a thing I think about a lot. "Teardrop", the Season 3 opening, except it's what Manjoume feels when seeing Judai's suffering and desperation. You know.

As you hang your head and smile, a single tear lands on your cheeks

You pretend to be strong, but underneath You’re hiding sighs; your smile is cloudy It sticks into me Like shattered glass

It’s OK to talk about the pain in your heart

Your smile Has always saved me You can cry now I’ll stay here with you

I can't bring myself to blame Judai or Johan for it, but I think Manjoume- if he'd been written like an actual character past a certain point- would have been quite devastated by this.

As you said, it's not just being abandoned, it's also being indirectly told that he was never truly someone worthwhile, that he is little more than extra weight. What of his supposed status of equal rival and all that? Nothing. Judai is just... on a different level than him. So Manjoume is simply left to stagger behind in a desperate attempt to chase after greatness. He wasn't good enough for his brothers and Judai stood up for him. But in the end he wasn't good enough for Judai either.

I like to think that Manjoume made an effort to get along with the others. He just didn't quite know how and couldn't just... switch off his more prideful persona. And he ended up paying quite the steep price.

I know I'm extra melodramatic when it comes to my favourites, but it's something that bugs me. I understand why the manga decided to approach Manjoume's character in a completely different way and it's the reason why I like to read Manjoume's personality as a mix of manga and anime canon. I really have to mention this- how can one even pretend that the writers gave a shit about Manjoume when they joked about how stinky he was in a scene that could have been... emotional in some way. Judai frees Manjoume from the influence of the Society of Light by reminding him who he really is (I don't want to talk about Kenzan being too strong to be manipulated because that is fucking stupid and besically the equivalent of saying "ahah, the light got you because you're not strong willed enough @ Asuka @ Manjoume. Get rekt"). And like... great! They are actually showing off how much they care for eachother as friends despite the rivalry! But no. Judai ends up basically saying: "You smell and your coat has stains on it!" and Manjoume's just: "Oh yeah, I'm goth I hate wearing white, nvm."

... I swear someone on the writing team looked at Manjoume and went: "Let's bully him!" Ugh ;; Can you tell I'm hyper biased towards Manjoume yet?

This was hilarious to read, by the way: "mr. buff arms big smile shows up with his frilly lilac blouse and homo dragon"

But yes, this mess is now officially over. I will be spouting gx rivalshipping nonsense left and right because we were robbed of their dynamic and I'll never get over that. Also I really want to draw them, so that helps.

Ending this post by saying that this ask made me feel like I didn't waste time writing all that, that someone can get something out of it. I'm really glad.

[fortheloveoflizards]

ive actually been a fan of wof for years now, im just not super active in the fandom and i guess id like to be? so here i am, sending u an awkward ask lol. anyways, the more i think about animus magic, the more i hate the way tui executed the concept? like theres barely any consequences or limitations. dragons can do whatever they want with it, which is bad for the plot. idk what are ur thoughts?

Hah, this isn’t awkward at all, I actually do have a lot of thoughts on animus magic, particularly how it differs in each tribe. I think giving each tribe different types of magic, as well as individual drawbacks on top of the general “you go crazy if you abuse your power”. Though I think the latter could have worked as more of a “if you use your power selfishly, it’ll turn on you” sort of situation? In my headcanons, each tribe has a type of magic they work best with, and a type of magic that puts strain on their physical form.

As the tribe closest in appearance to traditional European dragons, I like to headcanon Skywing animus magic as Weather and Element based. Stuff like creating storms and controlling wind currents is easy to imagine, but also magic pertaining to emotions, often fueled by the feelings of the animus themselves. A Skywing animus might find it easiest to use an object to better conduct magic, like a branch or, most commonly, crystals of different types. Skywing magic is what you would call “cast spells”, meaning they have no need to write or say what they wish to do, just think or “feel” it. As for drawbacks, emotional instability is kind of obvious, huh? There’s also bad weather being attracted to the animus, and parts of their body slowly turning into whatever object they used to channel their spells. As an example, using crystals in his spells might result in an animus’ scales turning into crystals themselves, whereas an animus that used a branch to direct air currents would notice her tail growing small twigs and leaves out from between her scales. The magic Skywings have most difficulty with is Herbal and Brewed magic. I feel since Skywing magic is very much based on action and emotion, it would be difficult for a Skywing animus to properly channel it in such a passive way.

Mudwing animus magic is perhaps my favourite to think about, it being what I call Herbal or Brewed magic. Mudwing animi specialize in potions and medicine, though this is more of an inherent tribe skill, their magic works best when imbued into food or drink. To continue with this technique, “power-ups” would be cool to see. Potions to give a dragon super strength or speed, or to keep their scales permanently warm so they can always breath fire. I think Mudwings would be most likely to use so called “magical ingredients” for their spells, as in the act of the animus using an ingredient makes it magic, rather than a normal dragon including it in their stew. I don’t feel there would be much room for drawbacks when it comes to Mudwing magic, so I’m gonna say there isn’t one. However, I will say Brewed magic is one of the hardest to perfect, as if a quantity of ingredient is even slightly off, disaster is imminent. Transformation magic is likely to be the hardest for a Mudwing animus to use. While Brewed magic is hard, it’s precise and a recipe can be done a hundred times for a hundred different dragons, and the effects never alter. Transformation magic is the opposite, in that the spell must be altered for every dragon, as every dragon is slightly different.

Next up is Sandwings! They lean most towards Written and Solar based magic. As you can guess, this means their magic is linked at least partially to the sun. Though they can’t control them, Sandwing animi often have very keen senses when it comes to the weather and seasonal changes. Change itself is a big thing for Sandwings, so seasonal magic is common. Sandwings also find writing spells easiest, as the spell is then precise and exactly as they need it. Sandwing riddles, told at parties or in passing as a fun conversation topic, have their roots in animus magic. Sandwing animi also enjoy the company of animal companions, usually camels or vultures; animals that can carry scrolls and items for the animus in question. The downside for Sandwing animi can be either mental or physical. They can start forgetting things, losing track of time, generally being scatterbrained, which eventually leads to them losing their entire memory. Or, their scales begin to darken, although I’m undecided on what kind of colour they would turn. Should they just turn golden or maybe more of a sunburnt orange or red. Perhaps even black. I dunno, maybe all three. Spoken and Lunar magic are the clear opposites of Written and Solar, so it’s pretty obvious why a Sandwing animus would have trouble in this area. Sandwing magic can be very picky, kind of like a sadistic genie that goes by what a wisher says, rather than what they mean. A dragon has to be very careful how they phrase a spell, which is hard for most Sandwing animi, hence their avoidance of Spoken spells.

I think my Seawing animus headcanon is the closest to being confirmed in canon, since the Seawing animi we see using their magic are usually using what I’ve called Spoken and Lunar magic. This includes regeneration(like healing of themselves and others), curses, transfiguration of objects and generally verbal commands. And for the record, “verbal commands” is usually, like the animus test the Seawings take, telling an inanimate object to do something. Lunar magic is connected to the moon and the tides, opposite to Solar magic. This can mean it gets stronger under a full moon, and gives a Seawing animus a kind of bond to the ocean the more they use Lunar magic. As with Sandwing animi, the magic that comes most natural to Seawings involves change. Changing tides, moon rotations, drifting currents and rips, all those factor into their magic’s strength, in and out of water. Seawing animi can also suffer a lowering of inhibitions, and can suffer what I call “going feral”. Theirs is the most noticeable, though this final drawback can affect all tribes. I like to think the more a Seawing animus uses their magic, the more they start to look like a deep sea creature. Brighter glowing scales, thinner scales overall(sometimes so thin you can almost see their insides, bleurgh!), elongated, thinner teeth, and increased speed of growth to their whole body. As you can probably guess, Written and Solar magic are the areas that cause the most trouble for Seawing animi. I’m not sure what else to comment here, since I feel it’s pretty straightforward, so there you go.

Rainwings! The tribe I’m most like! I feel that since the average Rainwing can change the colour of their scales regardless of magical ability, Transformation magic would be a perfect match for any animi that might exist in the tribe. Transformation magic includes form shifting of themselves and others, body hrror/torture(which differs from simple form shifting because it’s specifically supposed to cause pain) and transfiguration of objects. Transformation magic requires knowledge of how the specific dragon’s body works, moves and how their mind reacts to things. You might think the average Rainwing is too self-centered to be capable of that kind of perceptiveness, but I believe they’re more perceptive than they’re portrayed in-canon. I think the most noticeable consequence of a Rainwing animus using their magic is their scale colours “glitching”. If the Rainwing is naturally purple and green and they try to turn red and blue, areas of their scales might change slower than the rest, or not change altogether. A camouflaged Rainwing might suddenly find themselves bright pink and orange. Stuff like that. Weather magic is most difficult for a Rainwing animus, since it requires a lot of, I guess passionate emotions? Weather magic is loud and aggressive and takes a lot of power to control. It also relies heavily on being strongly connected to every emotion, and can backfire terribly on a dragon that doesn’t know how to wrangle that kind of power.

Mind and Time magic is what I’ve assigned for Nightwings! I felt it fits with their whole Mystical Infinite Powers aesthetic. Obviously, Mind magic includes mindreading and and Time magic future vision - which were most likely a gift from a Nightwing animus a long time ago. Other abilities include fate writing(a spell that can change an otherwise unchangeable future), enchanting, illusions, and changing minds/the perceptions of a dragon. This magic is actually relatively simple to perform, and one of the most used types by all animus dragons. That doesn’t make it any less powerful or dangerous, in fact it’s probably more dangerous that it’s so easy to use. Nightwings certainly haven’t been using it for the best purposes. This is the magic I think is the root cause of dragons losing their minds, since “Mind” is like one whole half of the magic. The unfortunate thing is that Nightwings are excellent bullshitters, so they at least last a while before anyone figures out something’s wrong. The side effect of using other types of magic is most notably scale discolouration, to the point that there are records of completely white, full-blood Nightwings. Since Icewings and Nightwings are Enemies For Life I figure their magics would clash just as much, out of principal. Reflective magic in particular requires the user to be self aware, to know their faults and, if only momentarily, be at peace with them. Nightwings are pretty in denial about a lot of stuff, it’s part of the culture they’ve built up.

Finally, Reflective and Defensive magic is the natural inclination of Icewings. That means shielding and barrier magic - which can be physical or psychological, insightful magic, illusions and star spells. No insightful magic is Not future vision, if you make that comparison in front of even a regular Icewing you will be murdered. The Icewing mind is typically pretty guarded already, as we see when Moon tries to read them. I like to believe that an animus a long time ago used their Gift to make it so Nightwings can’t read the tribe’s minds, or at least not easily. This would be an example of a psychological barrier spell. Star spells are tied to the stars(no duh) like Solar and Lunar magic are tied to their respective namesakes. However, as opposed to change, star spells are constant. Once one is cast, it stays forever. Almost all Icewing magic is a star spell of some kind, making other dragons very wary of an animus born from the tribe. Thankfully, the fact that Icewing magic includes that of Defense, it’s rarely used for aggressive purposes. I believe Icewing magic would backfire by crystalising within the user’s bones, making their joints stiff and their mind fuzzy. They may dissociate from the world and eventually be lost, as with Sandwings. As I said, Icewings and Nightwings are opposites in magic, though there are overlaps which serve to infuriate both tribes. Considering Nightwing animus magic supposedly came from Icewings, the former retained some of the abilities of the latter.

There you are, my thoughts on dragon magic. This turned into much more of a headcanons post than an answer, so I hope you don’t mind. Thanks so much for the ask, and I hope you find content creators that make you feel safe being active in the fandom!

[rosesatsunrise]

losing and feeling

(a/n: knsjdgskgja okay here’s my first public fic i guess, i wrote this at two in the morning because i was feeling sad so... this happened i guess. it’s originally self-indulgent so some of it might not fit your ideals and i’m sorry about that, lol! anyways hope you enjoy!)

KEY: (y/n): your name | (y/l/n): your last name

WORD COUNT: 3,269 words

PAIRINGS: bakugou katsuki x fem!reader

SUMMARY: bakugou katsuki wanted to have a lifetime of memories with you, so how is he supposed to deal with it being cut short?

WARNINGS: angst, swearing obviously it’s bakugou 

___________________________________________________________

weak in the knees. i couldn’t see through the blur of tears, i couldn’t hear through the gut wrenching sobs of my friends. the screaming. the screaming wouldn’t stop.

“you have funny hair!” her eyes made me restrain myself from shouting at her. they were so beautiful, i got lost in them immediately.

“(y/n), sweetie, that’s not a nice thing to say! i’m sorry honey,” the girl’s mother sounds tired.

this couldn’t be happening. i think i was the one screaming, but i couldn’t tell. i couldn’t hear my own voice.

“you still have stupid hair.” (y/n)’s eyes are still so beautiful. i stared at her, feeling my glare soften without wanting it to. she just did that to me, softening me until i didn’t know what it felt like to be anything but happy when i was around her. 

i felt someone’s hands on my shoulders but i felt so numb that it didn’t register. everything was so loud. everything was so dark.

“i need to tell you something.” (y/n) was standing in front of me, her hands stuffed in her pockets. she was nervous, i could tell, but i wasn’t really aware of it as i tried to distract myself from the butterflies in my stomach. 

“oi, fucking say it then.” i grumbled in response.

“i really like you, bakugou. like, as more than a friend.”

“i - huh?”

“i really fucking like you!” she shouted. her voice cracked. “like i want to date you. i’m sorry if i’ve fucked up our friendship, i just thought -”

“i like you too,” i managed, saying it out loud for the first time. the words rang through my head as i realized how true they were. the feelings i had been trying to hide from all this time, defined by a few simple fucking words.

“oh! oh. wait, seriously?” 

“yes, idiot. jesus.” i flushed really hard as she slipped her arms around me and pulled me in close, kissing me softly for the first time.

------

“katsuki?” 

she was mostly asleep, wrapped in my arms. i had my face buried in her hair because i liked the smell of her shampoo. she was pressed against my chest and her voice came out muffled. i had one of my hands under her shirt to draw shapes on her bare back, because i liked to be touching her.

“yeah (y/n).”

“i lied. i really like your hair.”

i couldn’t control the smile that lit up across my face. i hated how incredibly soft this fucking girl had turned me. i probably looked like an idiot, grinning widely all because she said ‘i like your hair.’

“i love you.” i whispered, hugging her tighter. then i realized what i had just said. the first time i ever told my girlfriend i loved her, and it was this. all because of this domestic bliss that had overtaken my life.

“i love you more.” (y/n) sighed, and i felt her breathing even out as she fell asleep. fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck. i was so in love with her.

------

“tell me the truth!” her voice was cracked, strained from the screaming. her eyes were puffy from crying. it hurt me so much to look at her so upset, to know it was my fault. “tell me why you keep doing this shit, katsu!”

“we should break up.” i blurted, my voice loud. it cut through her panicked rambling. i watched all the emotion drop off her face. (y/n) just stared at me. hiding again. i could see all the pain in her eyes, and it cracked me open.

“fine.” she whispered. “fine. do whatever the fuck you want. goodbye, bakugou.” 

watching her leave, hearing the door close behind her made my heart break. the emotions, the walls she had broken down, started to put themselves back. i stumbled to my bed, numb and emotional. i had done it because i wasn’t good enough. i couldn’t support her. i wasn’t affectionate enough. she needed a certain level of affirmation and love from someone, and i couldn’t give it to her. 

i cried.

------

tension built up in my stomach, like stoking a fire, every time i saw her. she purposefully made me jealous, i knew it. when she would play with deku’s hair or flirt with todoroki or poke kirishima’s muscles i had to look away and try not to scream.

but this was it. this was the last straw. she hugged him, deku, the way she only hugged me, so i left, my hands shoved in my pockets, ignoring the tears running down my cheeks. 

“can i talk to you?”

i stopped, not needing to turn to know it was (y/n). she sounded upset, but then again when was she not upset?

“fuck off,” i grumbled.

“you’re the piece of shit who broke up with me, bakugou. i think you can listen to me for a few minutes.”

i wiped desperately at my face, trying to get rid of the tear tracks. i turned to look at her, meeting her eyes, and the fury written on her face was immediately replaced by panic. 

“hey, are you crying? you never cry. what’s wrong?” she cupped my cheeks, catching the tears that would not fucking stop falling. why the fuck would they not stop? 

“yes, i’m fucking fine.” i tried to sound as threatening or harsh as usual, but it was hard to do when she was holding me again for the first time in months and i was fucking crying.

“tell me what’s wrong.” (y/n) begged, swiping at the hot spots where my tears congregated with her thumbs. 

“this,” i breathed. “this is what’s fucking wrong. because i still fucking want you, more than i’ve ever wanted anything in my entire life.”

“so why did you break up with me?” (y/n) asked, searching my eyes. 

“because i’m not good enough for you. i can’t give you the physical affection and emotional connection you need, because i’m just a self centred piece of shit who can barely deal with my own emotions! especially the fact that i’m terrifyingly in love with you. you are my only fucking weakness, (y/n). i can’t - i don’t fucking know.” i said it all very fast. the things i had bottled up for weeks when we were dating and after spilled out like a dam finally breaking.

“bakugou katsuki!” she cried. “why the shit would you not tell me these things? how long have you been keeping all of this in?” 

“months.” i sighed. 

“katsuki,” i heard the shake in her voice. she was about to start crying. “you can’t keep these things to yourself, it’s not healthy! i - i love you so much, no matter how much of an idiot you can be. and i - look, i know i need a lot of reassurance, and physical affection, but you just sitting next to me counts as both of those. little touches, your hand on my back, letting me lean on your shoulder, those are reassuring as well as touching. you gave me everything i wanted and needed. losing you was hard as fuck on me, so i was overly touchy with everyone i saw.”

“is that why you hugged deku like that?” i croaked. 

“yeah. yes. i’m sorry. i just missed feeling your chin on top of my head - it was so protective. made me feel safe.” she mumbled. 

i let my self-control tumble away. i had built it up all these months without her, because it felt like dangling off a cliff with my little finger everytime she was looking up at me, even with angry eyes. 

i wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in for a tight hug, letting the smell of her perfume come back to me. she was shaking with tears as i held her. 

“i love you,” i grumbled. “i love you, i’m so fucking sorry, princess.”

“i love you more.”

“i love you most.”

black is a depressing colour. (y/n) had once said it made me look even paler, making my eyes and hair stand out more. but she also liked me in a suit. i felt the sad smile drift back across my face as i stared at the tux she had made me buy. 

the funeral was next week. (y/n) had passed away a full month ago. 

the days had passed like molasses. when the words were spoken, when i heard her shout how much she loved me at the top of her lungs, i knew she wouldn’t be coming back. two hours later i found her, and sobbed over her body. she was gone then, and i felt all the tears i had held in for most of my life come spilling out. i cried for so long and so much that i passed out from dehydration and lost my voice. i ended up in the hospital with an iv hooked up to me. i remember kirishima whispering that they couldn’t deal with losing me too.

at first, i spent my days wrapped up in my bed, wearing the hoodie she stole from me, the one she always washed with her laundry detergent. it still smelled like her, and i sobbed my heart out. 

eventually, i went completely numb. i sat on the couch, flipping through the television channels. i accidentally ended up on a memorial for her, showing an interview she had done once, after a huge rescue. i was standing next to her, and i was looking at her with an embarrassing amount of love. that was the night i proposed to her.

sometimes i wondered if her death was faked. it was a (y/n) thing to do, and she had been threatened by a high level villain. it would be a great way to get him off her back. 

i had dreams about her coming home, telling me it had all been a ruse to save her life and would’ve put me at risk if i’d known. then i would gather her in my arms and sob against her shoulder while she assured me she wasn’t going anywhere.

those dreams never came true.

“i don’t really want a big wedding,” she mumbled, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. 

“you okay, my love?” i asked, leaning over her shoulders.

“hmm? sorry, yeah. i just - it’s not about you or anything, i just still don’t know if i want to get married. i’ve seen so many examples of bad marriage. it’s just a piece of paper.” she sighed, tilting her head back so she was looking up at me. i snuck a kiss before she shoved me off her, laughing.

“well, fuck them.” i crossed my arms. “they clearly never loved anyone as much as i’m in love with you, idiot. you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

“but no kids.” (y/n) held up a pointed finger at me.

“no kids,” i held my hands up in surrender.

“yes dog.”

“yes dog.”

“i love you,” she smiled, her big wide smile that always made my heart race.

“you know i love you, stupid.” i reminded her, pulling her to her feet, and hugging her tightly. 

someone gave me back the ring i’d given (y/n). it hadn’t been a big engagement ring or anything, just a pretty carved band that she always wore on a chain or on her finger. when they gave it back to me, i cried again. 

we never got married. 

“we just can’t agree on the fucking date!” she groaned. 

“i’m sorry. i just don’t know why you want to get married in august. it’s hot as shit and i don’t want to deal with that!”

“but december, katsuki? fucking december? that’s like, my least favourite month! plus, we’d have to compete with christmas and new years.”

“well what are we supposed to do?”

“may?”

“may?” i blinked.

“yeah. spring is pretty too. and it’s not super hot either.”

i sighed, pausing to think about it. “may it is.” i whispered, and a smile glowed on her face. 

“i love you!” she tackled me in a hug, covering my face in kisses.

“stop! personal space, shitty woman!” i shouted, laughing as she did it. i slipped my hands to her waist and pulled her against me, which stopped her. 

“i love you more.” i whispered. 

“i love you most,” she grinned.

i spoke at the funeral, of course. i kept it as short as i could so i wouldn’t cry in front of them. i listened to ashido and midoriya talk about (y/n), and to her mom speak about her best memories through tears. i felt numb.

about two months after her funeral, kirishima asked me why i never went to see her tombstone. i said it was because i didn’t fucking want to, but in reality it was because i was scared. i was scared to see her name on that stone and know she was gone. there was no coming back from that.

my therapist, who i was forced to see but i also went to because i needed someone to talk to, told me i should probably go, because i was living in this stupid place of hope, believing she might come back. 

i sat in my car in the parking lot of the cemetery. i knew where (y/n)’s headstone was, but i was scared to go look at it. i was listening to the music filter through the radio.

“i like this song, katsu.” (y/n) was leaning over me, her hair falling in front of my face like a waterfall.

“so? what’s it to me?” i scoffed.

“get up! we’re gonna dance.”

“we’re gonna what?” i asked, standing up and following her. she turned the volume up on the speakers, and reached for me.

“we’re gonna dance!” she exclaimed. i sighed, giving in easily. i could’ve held my ground, but she was so beautiful i couldn’t think straight.

i circled my arms around her waist, and she intertwined her fingers behind my neck. we swayed slowly, side to side. i admired every inch of her face.

“what?” she grinned. “see something you like?”

“obviously. that’s why i proposed, stupid.” i grumbled.

she blushed, and i smiled. i liked knowing i could still make her flustered sometimes. i pulled her closer, resting my chin on top of her head, and she leaned her head on my chest. 

we swayed some more, and i listened to the music and felt her breathe.

“thank you. for being my hero.” she breathed.

i closed my eyes, this time relishing in the grin that spread across my lips.

i locked the car doors as i walked towards the hill where the willow tree she always pointed out when we drove past was planted. i pushed my hands deeper in my pockets as i felt the nerves bubble in my stomach. 

i was looking at a piece of stone, and it shouldn’t have made me cry.

but it was my last name. not (y/l/n). bakugou was written on her tombstone. i felt my knees weaken and i dropped to the ground, heaving with sobs as i wrapped my arms around myself. 

“you’re so against tradition. are you going to take my name?” i asked.

“do you want me to?” (y/n) tilted her head to the side, searching my eyes.

“yes.” i said honestly.

“then of course i will. i’ll take your last name.” she smiled. “i’d love to be a bakugou, katsuki. because i love you.”

i reached out to touch her hand across the table. she intertwined our fingers, glancing back down at her mission briefing. 

it took a long time for me to clear my vision. when i did, i took a while to sit in silence, reading her tombstone over and over. 

“i miss you.” i said out loud. i almost flinched at the sound of my own voice, but once the words were out of my mouth, it all came out.

“these - months without you have felt empty. i miss falling asleep next to you, or having you beg me to make dinner because i’m the only one who can cook. i miss you forcing me to do shitty things that i was scared to do on my own.” i wiped aggressively at my eyes. 

“this is so fucking stupid. fucking - i wish it had been me, sometimes. but then i think that it would be you, sitting here alone. crying. it would’ve been worse. but i can’t fucking do this, princess. i can’t do this without you.” i glanced up at the sky. i had never felt more weak in my whole life. so empty. there was a physical piece of myself missing without her, and there was nothing that could replace it.

“i never got to see your dress.” i clenched my hands into tight fists. “your beautiful wedding dress… i remember the look on your face when you came home with it. ‘if we’re gonna do this, we’re doing it right’ you said. so that meant i didn’t get to see your dress until i watched you walk towards me.”

“i feel like this is my fault. if i had taken the patrol route that night, instead of you, you might still be here. i might be married to you by now.” i had to squeeze my eyes shut to try and suppress the tears again. “i fucking hate this. i fucking hate that i can’t fucking do anything! i promised i’d always protect you. i promised i would be your hero. i fucking love you! i’m so sorry i couldn’t save you, (y/n)… i’m so fucking sorry!” i choked on my sobs, covering my face with my hands.

“why do you always hide your face when you cry?” (y/n) asked softly. “you don’t need to pretend you don’t feel things, baby. you’re the love of my life. let yourself feel your emotions.”

“i have to be strong.” i told her, keeping my voice as angry as possible. “i have to.”

“why?” she asked bluntly. “what valid reason do you have to force yourself to be emotionless and strong all the time?”

i didn’t have a response for her. i stared into her eyes and just waited. for her to tell me why that was wrong, why i should be letting myself feel.

instead she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me against her the way i did to her when she cried. i let myself be comforted by her, just this once. her hands ran down my back in a calming motion. 

“i can’t really get mad at you for it.” (y/n) sighed. “i do it too.”

i glanced at her, holding her gaze as she wiped my tears away. “but you don’t have to hide from me, katsuki. i promise.” 

the nightmares varied after that. she was really gone, i guess, and once that settled in i managed to force myself back up in the morning to train. things fell back into place, as i trained harder, fought harder. i was determined to not let anyone die the same way (y/n) had. 

and she never came back. i never fell in love again, because i was so scared that i wouldn’t be able to protect them again. i let myself hide behind my emotional barriers again, the ones she had broken down, and i stayed there.

[iphisesque]

dude ive never met or spoken to a historian (unless my 10th grade history teacher counts) so honestly if you have a lot to say i'll automatically believe you have qualifications or are getting really close to it LOL. im back with more questions, hope you dont mind lol. what kind of history do you study? also do you know anything about mythology (specifically greek/roman)? i feel like i scrolled past a greek myth post on ur page but i cant really remember

Of course I don't mind, I love talking about this!

So, for now in high school we only study "generic" history for lack of a better term, that is every year we cover a part of Western history (living in Italy, what we study is unfortunately very Eurocentric) from roughly the beginning of the written record to the modern day, though just how close you get to the 21st century depends on how much time you have left at the beginning of the year - I've seen some teachers who managed to arrive to the US conflicts with the Middle East in the 2000s, and others who stopped roughly at the 1960s civil rights movements and protests. This year, for instance, we covered the time period from roughly the year 1000 AD, which here in Italy is considered to be the beginning of the Low Middle Ages, to the Renaissance of the 1500s, while the first year we covered from the beginning of written word in 3000 BCE to Julius Caesar, and the second year we covered the Roman empire and the High Middle Ages!

As for mythology, yes, I also love that! Here in Italy we have different types of high schools, and mine is focused on the humanities and the classical world, which means we learn to read - and sometimes write - Ancient Greek and Latin and we study, translate and interpret classical authors and their works, such as Homer's epic poems and Julius Caesar's Commentaries. Many of these texts do focus on myths or are the foundations of them, and we definitely acquire a great deal of knowledge about them through the years, often intertwined with tragedies and epic poems. Thanks for asking and giving me the opportunity to ramble about this ❤️ feel free to ask if you want to know more about something!

[gratitudeforshishou]

who wants some mob psycho tunes im back on my bulllshit

i made a list of pieces of music id use as character themes for mp100 characters and mentioned tweaking it so

here u go bud

Shigeo Kageyama – Einstein on the beach by Philip glass

i found this piece fitting to mob’s character, it’s a minimalist ‘opera’ (operatic nature is up to debate) with an ongoing theme of counting repeatedly upwards. there are occasional interjections of short spoken sentences in very monotone voices. i think this piece at face value fits mob as a character theme very well, appearing vast, almost empty and unknown in nature, but in further inspection it’s constantly moving, full and unpredictable (each performance of the piece ranges in time, hours longer or shorter than expected). i think the nature of this piece still does nothing to really reflect some of the best things about mob’s character - his deep rooted kindness, motivation and determination, his deep love for the people around him and unwavering respect - but i think as a basic character theme, it fits quite well. n to reiterate I think the counting thing is neat as hell lol

Reigen Arataka – Turkish Bath by the Don Ellis Orchestra

i adore this piece and i think it reflects reigen’s character amazingly! it gives off the overall tone of being plenty sleazy and absolutely ridiculous, with a fairly relaxed tempo and a clashing harmony – for example, when the melody comes in for the first time, both trumpets are very obviously out of tune with each other. what i love about this though, despite this piece giving off this shady and almost humorous vibe, it’s meticulously written and performed. the descending quarter tone scale on the trumpet is tough as hell to nail, for example. this whole piece emits such vivid reigen vibes for every reason, its so funky fresh

Ritsu Kageyama – Electric Counterpoint by Steve Reich

ill just link the third movement but if anyone wants to listen to the whole thing be my guest ! i think wit ritsu being a kageyama sibling, we gotta stick with the minimalist theme. this piece is performed by a total of ten electric guitars (two of which are basses), and is made up of a series of short guitar licks that grow and develop until the end of the movement. i don’t have a huge amount to say besides that the method of layering and adding guitar parts is organised, but additionally clever and complex,,,,,,,,,,,,just like ritsu,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also haha electric guitars theyre pretty emo right

Serizawa Katsuya – Warrior by Hiromi: The Trio Project

when i made this list for the first time, the one i gave seri was a lot shorter and more subdued in nature. ive decided that nah, he deserves something much more bright and beautiful so !! heres this !! this un really makes me think of post-claw seri – the whole thing is absolutely flourishing, so emotive and it has such a large and captivating sound. it comes with moments of high and almost manic energy, some more subdued and relaxed parts, but is overall has such a solid and comforting presence. Is this my comfort piece ? perhaps

??? – Sacrificial Dance from Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky

hooooo shit buddy lemme tell u about this un. so rite of spring is a ballet about a pagan ritual that happens once per year in which a virgin woman is selected and given a red dress, who then has to dance herself to death as a sacrifice for a fruitful spring. Its stupid batshit but the reason i bring that up is because the specific part of the ballet id put to ???% is the sacrificial dance itself. basically this is the part of the ballet where the girl is given the dress and she loses control, going ham while the music gets choppy and violent. still it is more the music than the story that id put to the character – its terrifying because it’s so unkown and so unpredictable. rite of spring is notorious for being fiendishly difficult to play, and that’s because the timing and rhythms are so whack and random. the chords are clashing and sudden, as the piece nears an end it escalates and its impossible to know what is going where. but this being said, there are areas of ominous calm – still unpredictable in rhythm, but subdued. in one way it’s a polar opposite to Einstein on the Beach (the piece i put to mob) but in some ways i feel like that woulda been a good piece to use for ???% too

Shou Suzuki – Garage Drummer by James Campbell

tbh I don’t really know anything about this piece so i cant say much but i think itd make an interesting theme for shou ! aside from being weirdly sorta funky and unpredictable and not to mention with moments of going ham, the fact that its carefully written and practiced fits with the character as well – coming off as impulsive and brash maybe but in fact very thought out. also drums are the fucking cool

Kurata Tome – Fish and Chips by Grace Kelly ft. Leo P

guys…..its funky fresh….. high energy, use of improvisation and also Using The Instrument Not Exactly How It Says On The Tin. its short but sweet, bit ridiculous and completely unashamed which is some Good Shit !! I was also thinking of John Adams’s short ride in a fast machine – its also super high energy, fast paced and it gave me p vivid space vibes if u fancy checking that un out aswell

Teruki Hanazawa – Jazz Suite II by Dimitri Shostakovich

when i made the first list and put this un to teru, an amazing artist replied with this fantastic drawing of teru with the caption ‘lets dance!’ n that is p much exactly why i put this piece to teru. this piece is almost drawlingly sarcastic in nature, though i feel it fits teru as a sort of huge and boisterous dance !! u know how after teru loses his first fight w mob he goes through that whole “superiority complex about not having a superiority complex” thing ? i feel like this piece encapsulates that mood so well, but not just that !! in his moments of utter selflessness as well as those of bigheadedness, teru has such a large and loveable personality and I feel like this tune fits it so well !! teru if ur reading this…….i love u bro

Tsubomi Takane – Leila’s Birthday by Hanneke Cassel 

i heard this one for the first time when a scottish friend of mine was playing some trad tunes in the kitchen ! weve never known much about tsubomi, besides her old connection to mob and what we’ve seen of her personality in the later chapters. ofc i love that tsubomi shits on the “main character gets the girl at the end of the day” trope, and that she remains a loved and solid character of her own afterwards. shes a self respecting, take no shit and genuinely kindhearted girl and i felt this tune captures the sort of freedom i associate with tsubomi’s character well. plus in my personal experience, i don’t know much about scottish trad at all but i love to hear it and like to learn about if where i can – just like how we all feel about tsubomi int it

Dimple – Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? By Frank Zapper

i thought of this as a joke when i was really drunk the other day but it was like 2 am and i couldn’t sleep after that bc like…….spirits eat other spirits right……do they have to like……piss…….