#just because i understand how someone thinks a certain way doesnt mean i support it or think that its ok. dont be purposefully obtuse
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losergendered · 1 year ago
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listen im antirq but i kind of feel like a lot of the antirq community is not interested in the root reasons that people join these communities or in any sort of understanding or rehabilitation. it kind of seems like yall just wanna mock people. screenshotting people talking about how they wanna “transition to be transraped/transkidnapped” and going “whoaaaa what the fuck 😨” literally just alienates people struggling with intrusive thoughts/selfharm urges. and it makes it more likely that people who experience these things are gonna align themselves with rqs because they think that everyone else finds them gross or weird. honestly (and no one jump down my throat or misinterpret what im saying ffs think) i find transharmful/transharmed to be one of the most *understandable* parts of the rq community. misguided and ultimately harmful, yes, but understandable.
because of my npd, low empathy, and intrusive thoughts, i do often think of myself as a neutrally bad person. in my head, im an immoral person cosplaying as well-adjusted, and while, for the most part, thats the personality disorder talking, its often hard for me to divorce that way of thinking from my actual Self, because, uh, i live in my head. so i can see how seeing something like transabuser or transshooter might be a way for someone to try and wrestle with that kind of internal struggle (granted, a way that’ll most likely make that struggle worse but i digress). and im sure i dont have to explain why someone wishing they had certain forms of trauma isnt a spectacle and is rather, in itself, indicative of mental health struggles that aren’t to be mocked.
it’s just frustrating to see people i largely agree with doing nothing but look down their nose at people. dangerous and bigoted communities are not owed overly tender pussyfooting or whatever but like also its crazy to screenshot 15 year olds just to tongue wag. harm reduction starts with understanding and parading around (mostly teenagers) who are coping poorly is literally just gonna push them further into whatever community theyre in. like ffs just ignore them. especially if youre an adult. thats why i never talk abt this discourse on here. it doesnt fucking help if youre just gonna be an overly righteous asshole.
last time i made a post like this i got a whole buncha rqs in my notes telling me to “stop talking down to them” and that they’ll “do what they want.” okay man. im not your dad. this post isnt even aimed at yall anyway
tldr making a spectacle out of and constantly performing bewilderment at rqs literally only makes the issue worse and alienates those who experience unconventional mental problems. ex. me. cool thanks
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year2000electronics · 10 months ago
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Honestly my favorite thing about you by far is how you build on aus and fanon of old without being needlessly cruel and disparaging to it. OG reverse falls had a lot of issues, but people tend to get lost in dogging on it as opposed to embracing the beauty that comes with creating new content for it with hindsight and maturity that the fandom of old didn’t have. Basically just thank you for being so kind. Anyway my second favorite thing you do is draw reverse ford like a silver fox you’re so fucking real for that
thank you!! i really do try to be kind and positive about stuff as best as i can when it applies, i know fanon stuff gets a lot of flak for often being derivative or just very shoddy at times but its like. idk. ive always seen the bridge to better fanon being lifting up and supporting what you do like, because the more lamenting that happens the more you end up just sorta chasing this giant invisible strawman of "you guys" who are "making the thing i dont like instead of the thing i like" (as a pretty relevant example, ill see posts pop up in tags complaining about "you guys'" humanizations of a certain triangle... -_- )
because like its true! sometimes fan stuff is dumb. because we're all creating stuff out there so some of its going to be dumb. even some gravity falls stuff is dumb. roadside attraction is dumb. parts of the wendy crush arc are dumb. which is why i want to lift up parts of something i like and when i do point out stuff i dont like i always want to kinda be constructive about why. and i do think that trying to build something i like attracts people! i think they pick up on the passion there! and it just feels so much more rewarding than if i were to complain all day. idk. its all about striking a balance and its something i like to think about and ruminate on a lot as someone who participates in the community of fandom.
its also a bit of a glass houses thing to me, because i dont think i can even claim to have fanon that like, doesnt suck. not in a self deprecating way you just have to understand where im coming from here... because im the type of person who loves to ruminate on how the relationships between people affect them and how it makes their story, which ends up meaning i go REALLY hard on shipping! and someone could point to me and be like "wow youve got Yaoi Brain" or something! and i draw my human bill as a skinny white guy because idk i just Do! and people could call that derivative if they so wished! if i was going around proclaiming that i could 'be better' and 'fix bad fanon' it would just feel ironic to me. because sometimes the art i make isnt perfect too. and im fine with that. its a part of my art to me.
anyways thank you for the ask and the gateway for me to ramble :] i always like talking about this stuff. here's silver fox ford gleeful again
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chiiyuuvv · 1 year ago
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heyy can I request xikers reaction to you being insecure about something in yourself(anything, u name it) thank youu and I love your writing 🤍✨
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• PAIRING — xikers x fem!reader
• GENRE — comfort, insecurities, yeah
• WORD COUNT — 695
• AUTHOR'S NOTE — Everything that i have written has been pulled from here so if there was something i didnt name or you'd like to read more about, i highly suggest it :)
• TAGLIST — @lil-elle , @hyunukitty , @cake1box , @mars101 , @nenede , @soul-is-a-strange-kid , @the-lemon-boy , @yuniniverse , @hunchan444 , @s00buwu , @cherrycolaberry
MASTERLIST! – JOIN THE TAGLIST!
"I'm not going to get into that college"
First and foremost, minjae understands the pressure to get into a certain college in order to please your parents. But you wanna know whats more important? Why do you wanna go? Other than pleasing your parents. After a long talk and cuddle, you should come into a better sense of whether or not college is something you want to do. But either way, you should always believe in yourself! ♡
"I don't have many followers"
Junmin's going to take away your phone. Not because you did something bad, but so you can take a break. Go outside, turn on do not disturb and take a walk with your lovely boyfriend. Its a win-win for you, him, and his dogs. A win-win-win, technically ♡
"I don't have a good fashion sense"
As someone who likes to dress a certain way, sumin knows what its like, but he has a tip; dress for you. When you wear things that make you happy, you often forget about the others around you, and their opinions. It also helps you stand out from the crowd. Wear what you like ♡
"I cant do any better"
Grabbing both of your hands, jinsik will give them a tight squeeze in front of the mirror, making you repeat the same mantras every morning. They may feel silly at first, but over time they help you convince yourself that you are worthy of whatever you desire ♡
"I dont have many friends"
First, hyunwoo will talk about the importance of friends. Friends that help you grow to become the better you and give you a good laugh. Friends that would never judge you for their own benefit. That being said, you need to eliminate the ones that dont actually care for you. Worry less about the quantity, and more about the quality. Who cares if you only have 3 friends? As long as youre happy and growing, thats all that matters ♡
"I'm not pretty enough"
Beauty is subjective. You may be insecure about one thing, but junghoon, 9 times out of 10, finds it really stinking cute. But what he feels doesnt matter, what others think doesnt matter. How you think matters!! So stop worrying about other peoples eyes and work on your inner self. If youre happy.. youre at peace, and if youre at peace, you start to smile. And thats very attractive ♡
"I'm not that smart"
"Why dont you think youre smart?" Seeun would ask, his chin resting against his hand. "Why do you want to be smart?" These questions may be dumb but they have meaning. We all have the ability to learn something. After all, life is about experiencing things and growing from it. It all just takes time, so dont stop believing in yourself, 'kay? ♡
"No one will miss me when im gone"
Although you may feel alone and think no one would care, yujun would care. Yujun would always care. But, stop worrying about the future, you know? Live your life in the present with no regrets. Every moment spent worrying is a moment spent not really living. When you obsess over that type of stuff, you are missing out on whats in front of you. And when you miss that, you wont realize the people who love and support you ♡
"I feel overweight"
Hunter will take you to the gym, but not just so you become 'thin' and everyone will accept you, to focus on being healthy, mentally healthy too. Focus on getting in shape with a well balanced diet and exercise program. Hunter will help! ♡
"People talk behind my back"
"Do you know that for sure??" Yechan would ask, poking his fork in his salad. "Because most of the time, its just an imaginary conversation you have in your head. Stop worrying what other people think and focus on your well being. But what you said is true, expect to see me at your school." He finishes, shooting you an innocent smile ♡
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lyricfulloflight · 1 year ago
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That’s the one thing I don’t understand - like it’s totally okay to dislike a ship and the reasons can be varied or as simple as you’d like. No one really needs a reason to dislike something I get that and that’s why the appropriate tags exist.
But like I’ve seen some of the things being thrown around both around BT and BE and I’m like okay guys shipping one thing over another doesnt make you better and being actively mean about it isn’t gonna change anything.
Why can’t we just enjoy what each fandom got? Buddie had some nice (if heartbreaking) scenes and BT had a cute date. I am new to 911 but like I’m surprised by how mean and almost like condescending some people have gotten and how quick they’re to call out one fandoms behavior without being like friend we are also doing that.
And I was in the kc fandom lol things got wild there.
Oooof sorry for the rant. Things just seem really intense since last night and I might have to do some unfollowing.
Assuming were talking the Klaroline kc fandom, I was in that one too :)
And maybe my memory isn't the best, but I don't remember things getting this vicious all the time either.
I do think fandom has changed in the sense that morality has been attached to shipping in such a weird way. Instead of shipping just being a personal preference, its become 'right' or 'wrong', or 'homophobic' or 'racist' or 'infantile' or 'predatory' to ship or not ship certain couples. And I just don't understand that.
I ship Buddie.
I'm pretty neutral on BuckTommy.
Why do I prefer one over the other? I almost always prefer ships with deep emotional bonds, who see something in each other no one else sees. I have never been a rarepair person, or a multishipper because my personal preference is for this deep emotional bond between characters.
That doesn't make my preference better or worse than anybody else's. Its just a personal preference. The same as I prefer the colour blue.
Other people might prefer couples with intense sexual chemistry, or who tease each other a lot, or who argue and have lots of passion, etc. Some people have a favourite character and ship them with everyone.
All of these are valid preferences.
Did I find the BuckTommy date in last night's episode a bit awkward? Yes. Was it because I'm a judgmental homophobic asshole? No. Daddy kink jokes wasn't my favourite thing, but I was fine with it. Two people in an adult relationship can flirt and and be kinky and that's totally fine by me. I have read and enjoyed way more explicit things in fanfic.
Personally (again just my opinion not a fact), I just found that the tone of the date and the joke fell flat as part of the episode overall. It was trying to break some of the tension and it didn't work for me.
Also, I tend to put more value on emotional connection in establishing relationships, so for me personally I would have preferred the conversation to stay in the more vulnerable place it started - Tommy offering Buck support due to Bobby's injury. If they had boned over having having difficult dads, or if Tommy had reached out and held Buck's hand to offer comfort, that would have been more meaningful to me, as opposed to the Daddy kink joke.
Again, nothing wrong with a Daddy kink. I too think Tommy calling Buck 'pretty boy' or 'good boy' in bed is hot.
Just kinky sex doesn't make for a meaningful relationship for me and I love Buck and I want him to have a deep meaningful relationship.
Since I haven't seen that with Tommy yet, I'm neutral on the ship.
I don't know why fandom has decided that who you ship or don't ship is some reflection of your moral values or lack thereof, but as someone who's fandom old, I find it weird and distasteful.
What people enjoy in fiction is not a reflection of who they are as a person at all times!
I don't generally block on unfollow people in fandom because I am very good at just letting things go and not spending too much time on things that upset me, but I have unfollowed people in the 911 fandom because of this overt judgement and moralization and (let's be honest) shit stirring, that some people engage in.
Fandom is supposed to be fun.
Let's make fandom fun again.
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bucksbeagle · 1 year ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/buckgettingstruck/756191320359534592/can-we-talk-about-ryan-using-the-word-hetero-for?source=share
I want to know your thoughts about Ryan using heterosexual male in interviews when talking about the coming out scene. The BTs love using this as Ryan “forcing” 911 or “confirming” that he wants Eddie to remain straight. 🙄 My view on those interviews was how he handled someone close to him coming out and wanting to use that as inspiration for the scene and it had nothing to do with Eddie’s sexuality, the future of the character, and Ryan “confirming” that he doesn't want to play gay.
oh god i didnt even remember that. i agree with you but answer under the cut because i got crazy:
but considering the 7x05 plot for eddie was about him and marisol outside of buck’s coming out stuff then i think what i said before still applies. hes dating a woman in that episode and has only dated women, so hes not really wrong to say it since theyre pushing that plotline 🤷‍♀️
(also i do wanna say dating women doesnt mean hes not queer but that was how he was being portrayed. so far eddie has only dated women. im a queer woman dont even start. btw this disclaimer isnt aimed at you anon 🫶)
also to our knowledge at least ryan is straight so it’d make sense for him to come at the scene from his own experiences of being a straight man who has queer friends. using their experiences is just a technique a lot of actors use. now of course he was given direction in the script and by the director so some of his facial expressions about certain things buck says are… interesting (which ive already expressed my opinions on like literally why did they do all that butni digress) but ULTIMATELY that’s how ryan came at the scene. the main goal was to get across that eddie would always be supportive of buck. ryan was supportive to his friend in his personal life so thats how he approached the scene.
ANYWAY. this horse has been beaten to death and then some at this point but im annoying and need to defend my guy who plays my favorite guy. i do not understand the rhetoric that ryan doesn’t want to play eddie as a queer character. ryan has played a gay character before and ryan has been supportive of buddie for years. like im pretty sure they didnt let him do interviews for a few seasons because he said something about eddie replacing abby in buck’s life and fox didnt want that 😭 he has also said in these interviews where he’s called eddie hetero that if the story were to go the buddie route he’d be down for it. if he wasnt they wouldnt even let the journalists ask the question.
RYAN ALSO SAID. BY THE WAY. THAT THEY WERENT SURE WHO BETWEEN HIM AND OLIVER WOULD GET THE QUEER ARC THIS SEASON. HE SAID THAT IN AN INTERVIEW. WHERE THE JOURNALIST ASKED ABOUT THE EDDIETOMMY STUFF LOU MENTIONED. IF RYAN WASNT OKAY WITH IT THEY WOULDNT ASK.
like ultimately i do think any time ryan has referred to eddie as hetero its just abc telling him to say that in interviews. like he’s a very eloquently spoken guy and in those interviews he’s come off more stilted to me. more rehearsed. but im also not a psychologist so maybe im reading this wrong
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abimee · 2 years ago
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was trying to write a post but it just wasnt coming out how i liked it or conveying what i was thinking about the jist of it was that i was thinking about how i used my art as my only tool in isolation to think about things that people tried to teach me was ''wrong'' like being trans or having acne but of which i never understood why it was ''wrong'' as a kid, so i ran off to my secluded corner to draw up what i was thinking about and how i really struggled wanting to show what i was seeing because there was no tutorial or online tips or refferences on how to do things, i didnt have any icons i was looking up to because they were isolated and hidden from me for the exact same reason, so for a long time my art felt like it was me trying to ''call out'' into the darkness to an idea i could just barely see on the horizon but couldnt get to through the murky depths of isolation and being told that art has to be a certain way and people need to look a certain way in it
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to finally getting to a point where i seemingly managed to grasp that idea and shine a light onto it and have the depths disappear and everyones voices fade out until all i could see was the image clear in my head, and i was able to draw what i wanted because i finally ''understood it'' --- and this is about a lot of things in my art, like discovering i was trans or letting go of my fear of having self harm scars or acne scars or gaining weight, or even just random bullshit like having red cheeks or crooked teeth or weird looking knees. like i grew up rooted in so much self hatred and around people who were so mean and judgemental and i felt like i couldnt even fit myself into the little box of expectation placed before me and my friends that even when i ran away to my art i felt like i was trapped by the will of the world around me with nowhere to go and no way to communicate my sadness, because above all else i really do think all i wanted when i was younger was for people to be happy and to be happy myself, but i felt like i was being strangled by the thoughts and ideals of those around me to even the smallest degree, like a passing judgemental remark about someones self harm scars or crooked teeth
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so now that i can draw that and communicate a positive love for people, that everyone is amazing and that nobody is ''wrong'', that love ive had since i was a kid for the world around me and everyone i met, it feels really good!! i cannot explain how much it means to me that people let me draw this way and respond psoitively to it and are moved by it because it feels like ive been locked in a box all my life not knowing what to do or what i was thinking about, and someone finally opened up the box and let me out and showed me what it all means. does that make sense? i feel like my art was a gateway to recognizing my own identity and who i am and to tell me that its not Wrong to be a certain way, that the people i was raised around were not telling the truth, that i wasnt a failure or doing something wrong when my teeth yellowed beyond my control or acne started showing up on my skin, that it wasnt wrong to have mobility aids or be suicidal or gain weight
like when i look back at my old art i see younger me who was struggling with a lot and just wanting to understand what it all meant, and as i grew up and put my art out there i was shown that the world wasnt a mean and cruel place, that it didnt have to be, and it really allowed me to open up and draw more. this post makes about as much sense as my draft but i just wanted to say all of this to say THANK YOU to everyone who has supported me because it really does mean more than you will ever know in so many ways!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if youve been here for a while you may have even seen how much happier i am now and how my art has developed as i got happier and its all because i know now that the world doesnt have to be cruel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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thank you !!!!!! (^ old art i drew as a 15 year old as a thsank you)
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lilac-set · 1 year ago
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I submitted a poll to a poll blog asking if people are rad inclus, curious how prevalent it is but i was planning on having my little ramble in the tags, but then the mod messaged me asking for a definition and getting to talk about it a little bit made me want to talk about it more, so here i am :3 this’ll be a discoursy one about (in favor of) radqueerness, and im also not willing to debate it, tw for discussion of transphobic talking points, feel free not to read if you dont want to but dni about the topic if you disagree
We’re rad inclus, thats common knowledge, but what bugs me is the definition talking about “good faith identities” and “bad faith identities”, i dont believe bad faith identities exist, im not really sure what it means. Someone suggested a bad faith identity could be like the transphobic attack helicopter meme, but thats not an identity, thats a joke. I dont support jokes at the expense of earnest identities, but in real life its not so easy to necessarily say “oh that isnt a genuine identity, thats just a joke, theyre doing it to mock us”, you cant know other people’s intentions for sure without asking them, and then what bugs me is that even if they do ask and they say no, this is genuine, they’ll still write it off as a joke and insist its harmful
I dont believe an identity can be harmful, theres no potential for someone’s self-concept to hurt someone else. The only argument that it can is “but it offends/disgusts/invalidates me!” Cool, those are your own feelings, not that person’s problem. Everyone has a right to live in whatever way feels the most fulfilling to them personally, even if no one else understands it, one person’s right to autonomy doesnt end until someone else’s starts. Someone identifying and living any particular way doesnt stop you from identifying and living any way you want to, if you dont want to be part of their life then politely excuse yourself, you have to no right to make them change for your comfort. “You cant transition into oppression” same thing. You cant harass someone into changing their identity. No matter how unfavorable the circumstances are for someone because of their identity, no matter how unfavorable you make them, you can only make someone miserable, you cant change them. Or even if you could, if someone’s identity is more malleable, you have no right to tell someone how to live, they arent materially harming you, “but it hurts my feelings!” Youre hurting their feelings, shut up, live your life and leave them alone. I primarily have transx in mind as im writing this, but it applies to everything
As for paras, cuz thats the other big point of contention i think, someone’s thoughts cant hurt you. What they do privately with other consenting adults or alone themselves as a consenting adult literally doesnt affect you in any way. I dont support harmful contact, we all know there are certain groups of people who cant meaningfully consent, but i dont think thats what the debate is on, this is about thoughtcrime. Transx is about thoughtcrime too. Thoughtcrime isnt real. No exceptions
I thought i was done but im not, i wanna talk about belief as well. We’re anti-science, we dont believe “science” does, will, can, or should have empirical evidence about all aspects of the experience of life, or that it should be the final arbiter (or any sort of factor at all) in determining if someone is valid. People are not attacking your beliefs by not conforming to them. You can believe whatever you want, and i can believe whatever i want, we dont have to threaten each other’s autonomy of belief by trying to convert each other. Can we discuss it and work together to find a right answer as long as both parties consent? Yeah, sure. But you dont need to try to change someone’s beliefs if they dont want to. You think their belief is a conspiracy theory? Cool, that doesnt affect you in any way, leave them alone about it. You think theyre going to hell? Doesnt affect you, leave them alone. Its a delusion? Guess what, leave them alone about it. Its ok if you value truth or science or religion above all else in your own life, but people have a right not to prioritize those things for themselves in theirs, and you dont have a right to try to make them conform
“But theyre spreading misinformation” You do not have the authority to enforce that whatever you believe is correct information and whatever anyone else believes thats contrary to that is misinformation. No one has that authority, no one should have that authority, people need to and have a right to curate their beliefs for themselves, not be expected to trust the government or anyone else and blindly accept whatever propaganda they might hear from a source they were told to trust
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oogalaboogalabich · 1 year ago
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Just a concept i have in my head for my Dhampir run. This would be in the nights before confronting cazador. (Kind of spoilers? A little bit? Just bein safe)
----
Degon: "Be honest with me...how tempted are you to complete that ritual?"
Astarion: "I was fairly certain when we got here but...Now im not so sure."
Degon: "Good...its never wise to be certain of anything so important. It implies that one doesnt understand everything involved, because its always farr to complicated for black and white."
Astarion hesitates: "You would try to stop me."
Degon: "At any cost...it would be hard for me. but i cannot allow anyone to have this power. not even you."
Astarion: "I could leave you know..." he sounded frantic, but the threat was empty. They both knew that. A few weeks ago he may have... maybe. But a lot has changed.
Degon nods: "You could."
Astarion: "I mean it. I could...i could go somewhere so far you would never see me again."
Degon offers him a bittersweet smile: "I highly doubt that, but i would do my best to respect your decision." Degon looks thoughtful, but wholly unconvinced. "I would find a way to carry on, as i always do."
Astarion flinches: "That...i think that may have actually hurt."
Degon: " You know what I am. You know of that ...that Void, Astarion. Youve seen it in Ca-.... It is what we become when we turn, swallows who we were. I cannot offer what I dont have to give you." Hes trying to get his point across and the elf, damned fool, still plays the wounded wife. "What would you have me say astarion?"
Astarion scowls: "I dont know...that you would chase after me...that you would change your mind and help? Support me in this? Perhaps even...someday we could make seven new spawn so you could ...." he trails off when degons expression darkens. "Dont give me that look...i know."
Degon sighs: "...Its a wonderful fantasy astarion."
Astarion: "It is....isnt it? What would you do first?"
Degon: "I am unsure...my life up until now has always been under someone elses command....more or less."
Astarion blinks and then smirks, scoffing under his breath: "We really are quite alike arent we?"
Degon: "gay"
Astarion: *smacks the elf upside his head*
---
And then the fight happens and after theyre just like-
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Cause honestly like...how do you even cope?
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ogata-apologist · 1 year ago
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  If you dont understand the tcc, think about that mickey mouse 9/11 picture that you reblogged. Lots of people make jokes about 9/11, but that doesn't mean that they dont feel bad for the victims and it doesn't mean that they support what happened. It's the same way with the tcc. A lot of us are making fun of the killers because they're stupid.   And yes, there are occasionally people who condone, but maybe they wouldnt hate humanity so much if people weren't always calling them freaks and telling them to kill themselves. And others are just mentally ill, it doesn't matter what you do, theyre not going to change so you should just leave them alone. Or they're suicidal and fantasize about being killed.   Other reasons people could be in the tcc is because they relate to the people or they're very interested in true crime or they just think they're hot. And none of those are glorifying the actions!!   Anyways, sorry that was so long, I just thought you might be curious. I was shocked too when I first came across the tcc, but then I learned about the killers and started to see them as people instead of monsters. And I never reported anyone, I just scrolled past because theres no reason for me to ruin what someone enjoys just because I dont agree with it. I dont expect you to understand, but you could try to be okay with not understanding. Thank you if you read all of that
hey bestie, not sure if youre aware, but relating to killers and fantasing about being killed is Not Fucking normal, seek help. i consume a lot of true content as ethically as i can, its not that i don't understand anything, its just that a lot of people who use the tag are fucking freaks who ought to look inwards and/or seek help. a lot of them are also minors, which, again, is not a good fucking thing to have 13 year olds fawning over """attractive""" serial killers. im not going to preach to children, but come on bro.
and a lot of you tcc bitches DO glorify killers. a lot of you ARE openly horny about serial killers. i have not once ever seen a True Crime Blog who shares a shred of empathy for the victims, or even mentions them. its always a "funny meme" about how Silly and Quirky some ugly fuck murderer is. you can, to a certain extent, understand and humanise a murderer, but that doesnt include making fucking headcanons and edits of them like theyre some fucking fictional character.
so yeah if you're gonna be horny on main about like, the fucking columbine shooters, i am, without a single ounce of regret, going to call you a freak. especially if you're self aware about.
also anyways the fact that mentioned reporting leads me to believe that you're the op of that stupid Dylan/Eric Would So Wear This shirt post, if so then kill yourself bitch! i don't feel bad! maybe don't have fun off the backs of victims and maybe your fun wouldn't get so ruined so easily.
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liquidstar · 2 years ago
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hi with this post going around i wanna copypaste some replies i left in response to another reblog too. the rebloger was saying that its also okay to enjoy problematic content (which, to be clear, i agreed with on a base level, but felt it needed more context since that can often be code for something much less nuanced)
this one should come with a bit of a disclaimer about whatever the thing youre enjoying is and in what way though. thoughtcrimes arent real, but actively choosing to watch lolicon hentai is a conscious decision. though ik thats not what youre talking abt here, i just feel like its something important to bring up, bc of how these types of discussions can get warped to mean "my frozen incest fanfiction is actually totally ok and if you disagree youre harming ppl w OCD" which i dont want the take away to be. i dont want ppl to use vague stereotypes of my disorder as a talking point to justify that kind of shit- because thats not the point and also doesnt help people with OCD at all! esp with POCD to be lumped together with... that crowed. again ik thats not what you mean im just saying it to clarify the slippery slope before someone takes it there for real! critical thought is important at all turns and such. and people with OCD are not incapable of critical thought, or understanding when media can actually be harmful in the real world. we still know how to separate the two, as should most people. that's what i mean by the response to it mattering more than the act of consuming. we might struggle a bit more with aspects of this, usually in the mental side (ruminations and obsessions) and thought crimes arent real! but actual actions are!
unfortunately, you wont actually see these replies if you check the comments (which is why i added them here). because i was blocked seconds after leaving them. apparently, even though i gave the responder the benefit of the doubt with the whole "slippery slope" of "yeah! fiction doesnt effect reality! lets all draw explicit content of children!" i checked and they... actually did in fact write what seems to be voltron pedoincest fanfiction and had "antis dni" in their bio (i missed that somehow, honestly thats on me). i think they also deleted their reblog, so i doubt people will find them. which is for the best because im not trying to get harassment sent anyones way either.
but this is still exactly what i was afraid of- our disorder being used as a talking point for the same stupid pedantic tumblr discourse that was the issue to begin with. being used as if we're not autonomous people who can make our own choices regarding media consumption, but rather an objectified hypothetical to get a moral one-upping in the black-and-white view of the outgroup. stop that shit. if youre here to do that either way YOU are part of the problem. you are not helping those with OCD this way. and the second that is pointed out you will delete the post supporting them and block the op? fuck you!
and the thing is, in terms of OCD, ANY mentality with a set of morals presented as all-or-nothing black-and-white is harmful. if youre seeing this and thinking it "dunks" on the other side of the discourse, youre missing the point. because the other side does the exact same shit. in this case, the argument with that "pro" crowed is basically "either all media depictions of xyz are good, or all media depictions of xyz are bad, and since i enjoy some depictions of xyz then they must all be good, and anyone who says otherwise is an evil anti" (aforementioned black-and-white thinking).
so with that, you posit the idea that anyone who has any sort of critical thought or issues with certain tropes of depictions of sensitive topics in any piece of media ever, must be an Evil Puritanical Conservative, ergo you have to never voice critique in media or the way it's engaged with. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT BETTER FOR PEOPLE WITH MORAL OCD? YOU ARE JUST AS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!
dont you dare use this shit as a talking point in your pedantic discourse when the whole point of the post is THATS THE ISSUE TO BEGIN WITH! this shit is just as much the root of the problem as what i was talking about in the post. dont use this shit to outright tell us that we cant think for ourselves and have to go by your stringent unnuanced discourse as a guide. thats the issue. thats the problem i was talking about to begin with. YOU just as much are the voice of the fictional tumblr discourser inside our heads, youre just using different buzzwords. and this site continues to be awful to people with OCD. fellow OCDers do yourselves a favor and, like me, get the fuck out of these groups.
look this site really is awful for ppl with OCD so i just wanna reassure anyone that you are not Tainted Forever for consuming a piece of media with questionable content. the fact that youre able to recognize it speaks to your critical thinking skills, which is good, certain depictions should be critiqued. but you dont need to ruminate on it to the point where you begin to feel guilty for simply witnessing gross or creepy writing choices. you dont have to vindicate yourself to the fictional tumblr discourser inside your head, saying that youre now a bad person bc you watched the wrong anime. your actual response to it still matters of course, but thats that and this is this. just seeing it is neutral, you didnt commit a thought crime. its literally fine.
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bittyfromquotev · 10 months ago
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"imagine telling a minor to shut up" I dont see what you being a minor has to do with it? Being a minor doesnt excuse stuff, it just means that adults shouldnt be inappropriate with you and you should avoid adult spaces because they arent suitable for your age group. being a minor doesnt mean someone cant tell me to stfu and check my behaviour, like parents and teachers do it all the time and being a minor doesnt stop that. Like I dont agree at all with how that anon went about it because that was rude and uncalled for, but that tag confused me cause its irrelevant to being told to shut up and stop stirring the pot. They should have said it not at all like that, but yeah.
and that other post where you said they were assuming your intentions? Im not sure I understand that either. Like im glad you see how the things you say makes it sound like you wanted them to try and harrass you and how that takes away from victims, but all i read from that was that they were just calling your behaviour attention seeking which isnt assuming anything about you as a person? you dont have to know someone to see what they do and perceive it in certain ways. i think it might also be a good idea to take down posts you recognise as being said impulsively in anger once youve calmed down, cause it keeps bringing you back into drama and stuff you dont wanna be a part of and if you remove them then theres less chance of people seeing it and potentially mentioning you again, which would also be safer for you.
also i dont think its great that just because someone disagreed you immeaditdly assumed they were a gore a non or supported them, cause thats also minimising what the victims go through. if you make everything "oh must be the gore anons" then it makes the actual gore anon problem meaningless cause its thrown around so much where there isnt an actual gore anon. if everyone is a gore anon then theres no gore anons bascailly. its not nice to accuse people like that willy nilly even if you dont like them. its a serious acusation that shouldnt be taken lightly and its unfair to place blame on everyone when the victims need actual answers not wild accusations
*siiigghhhhhhh* Okay. One more time, everybody!
I honestly have no idea why I said that. Thank you for pointing out how confusing that is. I think I just said that because they were being rude as fuck and I didn’t know what to say.
I say they are assuming my intentions because with the way they worded it, they think I was doing it on purpose or really DO just want attention. While I enjoy being interacted with, I don’t want to be popular in any sense. I don’t want a bunch of random people who I haven’t talked to more than once to flood my blog honestly.
While that is a reasonable idea, I don’t feel like taking down the posts I made when I was impulsive. I think people have the right to know what I can be like when I’m emotional or under pressure. I feel like me taking down those posts would be the same as me trying to hide my ugly side. If my IRL friends and family can see that ugly side, people online can too, at least to some extent.
I didn’t say that they were probably affiliated with the Gore Anons simply because they disagreed with me. I said that because they were rude and typed in a similarly aggressive way to said Gore Anons. Not many people IN this fandom other than them are rude when disagreeing with someone. Keep in mind I also said “probably” in that post. Not “definitely”.
This has been ANOTHER “clearing things up” post.
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enbysforhongjoong · 10 months ago
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please ignore:
im just using this as a means to express everything i haven’t had the ability to.
im tired. im tired of struggling. im tired of having happiness right between my fingers, so close yet the minute i set to embrace it, it disappears. im tired of the rollercoaster that is my mind, body and emotion. i feel i have no real control, that im deluding myself with the idea of control.
i wake up most days barely feeling human. i know who i am, things about myself but i dont feel real. my limbs dont feel to be my own, like im feeling things through the clothing that is my skin.
i want to be wanted as do most people. i was to feel emotionally and physically wanted but i feel as if it has to be one or the other. no one truly wants me and im at that point of questioning if its me. if my emotions are too much for even those who claim to love me. i understand it can be exhausting, trust me i do, but i feel i deserve that love and understanding mentally sound and neurotypical people get. i dont want to have to guess if theres a problem, i dont want to play guessing games on if im wanted or not, i dont want the hot n cold where u want me physically but cant bother to get to know me. i feel like if im not just my body then im just a therapist.
even in the platonic sense.
i feel like a means to an end. like at the end of the day my presence in the lives of those around me doesnt make much of a difference. im here to make sure certain people have their support system and are cared for but i dont get the same. it may sound full of myself to say but i truly dont feel i get loved and cared for the way i love and care for my friends, family and lover.
i tried starting a friendship recently… we were texting back and forth for about two weeks and ig they started questioning my intentions??? i genuinely dont know but i guess at the end of the conversation he basically said we could stay friends but he might start taking days or weeks to respond… i had just finished telling him the reason i enjoyed conversations was bc i felt like someone was actually interested in what i was saying and wanted to talk to me.
maybe its over dramatic to say but platonic rejection feels like romantic rejection to me. that heavy feeling on my heart, the feeling like its slowly shattering every time i wish to send a text or i think ab the conversation and how unwanted i felt after. its been swallowing me whole, consuming my brain in its entirety. i feel like im on fire but im drowning. i cant hold myself together because i feel like the tag on the back of someones shirt, those annoying ones you eventually cut off.
i just want to be normal, not feel every emotion i have the capacity to feel at its most intense every time i get the privilege of feeling. i wish i didnt feel like a hollow shell of a person, wish i didnt have to fill my senses and brain with books and fiction to escape the reality that i will never have that. i wish not being happy was something i didnt need to come to terms with.
i wish i was enough for literally anyone. i wish i could be myself without that shame or fear that it will be the reason im disliked, or it will be the reason people decide that im too much to be friends with. i wish i felt worthy of love, of support. i have so much hatred for myself and the circumstances that made me like this. i hate the way i was raised playing so much into my day to day. i people please bc its better than someone being mad. i let the mask slip with him and i feel like a fool.
if you chose to read this then thank you. its messy and unorganized but it wasnt intended to be a think piece or anything. just wanted to put my thoughts in a place where no one knows me.
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nothorses · 2 years ago
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I noticed that you reposted something that is along the lines of proship
I agree with leaving media alone but I think its incredibly disgusting when people ship, for example siblings, because what it feels to me is that they have an incest fetish or something
I know just because someone writes about murder doesnt mean they support it, and I believe that. but usually when people write about murder it's in a negative context, obviously showing how it is so incomprehensible to outsiders about how someone could do that, or showing how we need to get these people help.
trying to apply this to, for example, incest, if someone ships an incestuous relationship then it seems like it would be in a good context, and it seems like they support it should it be in real life. that's how I view this all. (itd be different if they shipped siblings as a strange headcanon and talking about how it's bad... this reasoning I can understand the most to the point where I can let myself ignore it)
how am I supposed to learn to not care? especially when they are really outward about it?
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okay.
I do not participate in shipping discourse because I do not participate in shipping. I'm not really In Fandom anymore like, generally. I don't... care.
Because of this I had literally no idea what you were referring to in this ask. I had to scroll. So far back. To get to this post, which also doesn't refer to shipping discourse.
I also have not talked about incest here, and the post in question doesn't talk about incest.
It's about murder. And gore. Which you say here is fine.
Literally why did you send me this ask.
And like... there's a fair chance this is just bait, and there's also enough of a chance that you're genuinely asking that, like, fuck it. I'm gonna get shit no matter what I do, so I may as well try to do a little good.
You use the words "feels" and "seems" a lot in this ask. And I'm really glad you did, actually, because I think it's honest; you're operating on your feelings and assumptions, and that's really important to keep in mind.
And your feelings on this are valid! It's normal to be uncomfortable with certain content, and it's normal to not want to see or engage in it. You don't need to feel any differently about those things. You don't have to consume incestuous content, you don't have to be okay with it, and you don't have to be around it.
But ask yourself: you assume that other people engaging in this content means they support it in real life, but what if they don't? What if you're wrong?
Maybe they're saying it's wrong in a way you're just not picking up on, or that you don't recognize. Maybe they aren't saying it's wrong; maybe it's in the context. Maybe it's in a genre trope in a genre you're not familiar with. Maybe it's irony or satire that you aren't picking up on. Maybe they aren't saying it at all, but that's still what they think, and they just chose not to put it in that content for... who knows what reason. Maybe they're literally just bad at writing.
What then?
Sometimes you're going to feel or assume that something is going on, and you're just gonna be wrong. And you could ask who's fault that is- did you fail to pick up on something you should have been able to, or did they fail to communicate it well enough?- but like, what are you going to do with that information?
Sometimes people are not very good at literary analysis, and sometimes people are not very good at writing, and that's just part of learning. Do we tell everyone not to attempt to talk about certain topics unless they're "good enough" to do it "right"? How do we know when someone's "good enough", and how do they get to that point without practice? Do we just ban those topics altogether? What topics do we ban- where's the line? How do we enforce it? How do we prevent that from being weaponized against marginalized people?
Anon, you asked me how you can "not care" about these things existing. And I think that's a valid question; you feel there is injustice, and you want to stop it. That can be a very noble impulse, and it can be harnessed for a lot of good.
But it can also be really, really toxic- not just to the people you hurt because you act on assumptions and impulses that are incorrect, but to yourself. You can't control everything. You can't control how other people feel, whether or how they engage in certain topics, or what they do or say. You just can't. And trying, or wanting to try, or thinking you should try- it's going to drive you nuts.
So here's how not to care:
Remind yourself that you might be wrong. Take a moment to think about all the things you don't know for certain, and the things you would need to know to be absolutely, 100% sure that you're right.
Consider how important this is to you. How close is this person to you? How important is this issue? What would it feel like to let this go- would it continue to impact you? Do you have other options? (removing yourself from the situation, blocking tags/posts/people, etc.)
Consider what you can do, and what you should do. Think about the tools at your disposal, the power you have in this situation, and how likely this person is to listen to you. Think about whether those tools are ethical. Again, what if you're wrong? Is there any reason you might regret your actions?
If you still feel like it's worth addressing, start by asking questions. Make sure you really know what's going on, and if (and when) the situation changes with new information, walk through this process again. Repeat back what you believe is happening until they confirm that you're right, decide again whether this is worth it, and then proceed.
Sometimes it's more effective to just vent to someone else, or to make a post about the issue generally without confronting that person- especially considering your assumptions might be wrong! Maybe it's worth it to talk about what you thought was happening, but you don't know that what you thought was happening is what was actually happening. You can still talk about it, just, y'know, without making it an attack on someone else.
And again, I don't give a shit about fandom discourse. This is important to me because these are themes that crop up in regular-ass media all the time, and disagreements that crop up in regular-ass relationships with friends and family and loved ones. I think it's important that people have the skills to navigate disagreements, unintentional harm, and perceived slights in healthy, productive ways.
You can't live your whole life demanding that everyone agree with you on everything, or blaming other people for everything you misinterpret or assume incorrectly. You cannot assume that everything that hurts you was designed to hurt you. You can recognize that these are assumptions and feelings, and that's great! And I hope you're being honest when you say that you want to learn to let things go.
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halsteadlover · 3 years ago
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Eye For An Eye
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*Gif not mine credits to the owner*
• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.
• Requested by anon: Hi. I dont know if you have seen Greys Anatomy, but my request is if you could write Jay and the reader in the season 6 finale of Greys. With the reader being in Dereks place(she can be a surgeon) and Jay in Merediths. He doesnt have a gun on him when it happens, so he cant protect them. And instead of Christina, Its Will who does the surgery on Y/N. So I dont know if you have seen it, or if you are completly confused, but if you have, it would mean alot😊
• Warnings: blood, curse words, gunshots
• Word count: 7138.
• A/N: I think this is the longest piece I've ever written and as always it's shitty 💀 I'm sorry for how this turned out but I hope you'll like it. Let me know what do you think, like, comment and reblog if you want 💞 Love you all and thank you for your support.
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Each person has a different way of doing, of thinking, of acting. Each situation is different from another and for each one there is a different way of reacting. When you’re happy there are those people who jump of joy, there are those who cry, those who cannot stop laughing or clapping their hands. When you are sad there are people who withdraw into themselves, those who prefer the company of some friends or their partner, those who don’t let themselves be discouraged.
But when you lose a loved one, this is a very broad discourse, difficult to enclose in just few lines, but even in this case each person has their own reaction, their own way of dealing with pain. There are those who cry desperately, those who scream since the pain of the loss is so strong because this is a kind of pain that tears inside you, tears your heart out; there are those who seem impassive, just because they need to metabolize, they don’t cry, they don’t scream, don’t despair, they remain there sitting in a corner to mull over what happened, what was going on.
During your career as a surgeon you had – unfortunately you'd dare to say – the opportunity to witness all kinds of reactions from a family member to the loss of their loved one. You were always understanding, ready to do anything to try and ease the pain those people were feeling even though you knew they hated you at the time since you were the person who gave them the worst news of their life. You thought you had seen everything but, damn it, how wrong you were, how wrong you were in having taken the arrogance of being able to think you knew the human being in its complicated and absurd interest. As already mentioned, every person has his own type of reaction in relation to a certain situation but never in your life, not even for a second, you would’ve thought the death of a patient could also have been the cause of yours.
“Doctor Y/LN, the patient is in atrial fibrillation,” a nurse had warned. You were in the midst of a brain operation on a woman, Ellen Hopkins, a 50-year-old lady who had a meningioma, a benign brain tumor but which, given its location and size, was quite dangerous to remove and carried high risks.
“The patient has her skull open, a wrong movement and I could make her paralyzed for life” you replied, the forceps and the electric scalpel in your hands while you were concentrating on the patient’s brain. “Two milligrams of Amiodarone, fast!”.
“The fibrillation persists,” you commented, lifting your eyes for a moment and placing them on the monitor the patient was connected to. “Damn it!” you exclaimed, putting down the surgical instruments and approaching the patient’s chest “Let’s carry out a cardioversion!”
“Charge at 200!”
Nothing.
“250!”
Still nothing, the fibrillation persisted as the patient’s values plummeted dramatically.
“350! And call cardiology!”
Not being able to use defibrillation again, you continued with the cardiac massage while waiting for a cardiothoracic surgeon to arrive in the operating room.
But Mrs. Ellen died on that operating table before someone even arrived.
“Damn it,” you cursed, taking a deep sigh and looking at the clock “Time of death, 16:33.”
Informing relatives was never an easy thing to do, you never got used to it, and that didn’t change even when you had to inform Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’ husband, Bill. You explained to him how the surgery had gone, you answered his questions, you told him you did everything possible to save his wife but that, unfortunately, she hadn’t made it.
Bill was petrified, speechless. Not a single sound came out of his mouth, not a single word, not a single tear came out of his eyes. He remained impassive, unable to process the information he had just been given. He just looked at you, straight in the eye, for a few moments before turning his gaze and walking away.
You watched him go and it was in vain to try to call his name and speak to him. You sighed deeply, running your hands over your face in frustration, blaming yourself for just ruining that man’s life. You couldn’t even imagine how he must feel at that moment, so you didn’t blame his reaction, as already mentioned, everyone had their own way of reacting to such devastating news.
As you used to do after surgery, you holed up in the doctors’ ward, ignoring everything and everyone and continuing to reflect on that surgery and what you could’ve done differently to save that woman.
And you stayed there all afternoon, until the evening, until your shift was over. They all tried to cheer you up, Connor, Will, April, to tell you it wasn’t your fault but right now you didn’t even want to hear those words, at least not from them. You just wanted Jay and one of his hugs.
Jay had been your boyfriend for almost four and a half years now and given your hectic lifestyles, being you a surgeon and him a cop, it was sometimes difficult for you to even see each other even if you were living together.
That evening it was enough for him to see you come out of the hospital doors to understand there was something wrong with you. He understood it from the way you walked at a slow pace, from the way you had your head down and your eyes on the ground.
“My love,” he began, getting up from his car on which he was leaning and walking towards you. When he finished his shift early, he always used to pick you up at the hospital or wait there until your shift ended too.
A small smile rose on your lips when you saw him, beautiful as the sun. The instant relief you felt when you saw him was something magnificent, it was amazing how even just that was enough to make you feel better.
“Hi baby,” you greeted him, immediately wrapping your arms around his chest and hugging him tightly. His arms encircled your shoulders and he too squeezed you tightly, knowing right away that you needed it right now.
“Baby are you okay? What happened?” he immediately asked in a worried tone as his hand gently stroked your head.
“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go home and forget about this day.”
Jay understood but didn't insist any further, leaving your space and knowing that when you were ready you’d tell him everything.
He slightly broke away from that embrace and with his hands he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. Without saying anything he kissed you, a chaste, sweet and delicate kiss you didn't even realize you needed until then.
“Has anyone dared to bother my princess? Do I have to beat the shit out of someone?” Jay asked in a menacing tone and expression, in an attempt to cheer you up. He smiled when you giggled, knowing he had succeeded and that, in reality, he was serious about this, as he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to punch anyone who really dared to hurt you.
“No baby, no one has dares to do this wickedness,” you replied with a joking tone.
“It'll be better for them,” Jay joked, stamping a sweet kiss on your forehead that made your stomach lightly explode like fireworks. God, how much you loved that little gesture. “What do you say to go home and forget about this bad day? We can order something and watch a movie if you like.”
You nodded enthusiastically, looking forward to taking a shower and throwing yourself on the bed.
You and Jay were lying on the sofa, having dinner and watching a movie in the background that neither of you was really following. Your head was resting on his chest, your arm instead encircling his chest as he hugged you tightly, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead from time to time.
“I missed you so much today,” Jay said, making you smile even though he couldn't even see you right now.
“I missed you so much too baby, I really needed this.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, almost in a whisper. You let out a sigh, almost involuntarily, “You don't have to tough if you don't want to, I don't want to put pressure on you.”
“No sorry it’s just…” you started talking, putting yourself in a sitting position so that you could look at Jay “It's just... Surgery gone wrong, a woman died on the operating table.”
“Oh. I'm so sorry my love,” Jay replied, taking your hand and squeezing it tightly. “You don't think it's your fault, do you?”
“And who else could it be? I was the surgeon,” you blurted out “It was an operation that presented complications but it had 95% of possibilities to be a success, I promised her, her husband...”
“Baby, baby, stop,” Jay stopped you, letting go of your hand and grabbing your face with his hands and making you stop talking. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault. I wasn't there and I don't know how things went but I'm 100% sure you did everything in your power to save her and if there was a chance to do anything to keep her alive you’d do it. Complications happen, they happen, the surgery had a 95% chance of success but unfortunately that 5% is always there, it's hard, but it's always there and it's nobody's fault, much less yours. Don’t blame yourself for this baby, you are one of the most talented surgeons in the entire hospital…”
“Why can't I help but feel like shit then? Maybe I didn't consider some variables, I was too sure and a patient died,” you said, your voice almost broken by trying to hold back the tears. But from the way Jay wiped one, you could tell the attempt was completely in vain.
“Because we are human, it's in our nature to blame ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned and we always need to have an answer to the things that happen but the truth is that not everything has an answer, the universe operates in a mysterious way and I know for sure, I’d bet on it, there was nothing you could’ve done that you haven't already done.”
You sighed, then resting your head on his chest as he hugged you in an attempt to console you.
“I'm here for you baby, cry and let it go as long as you want, I won't let you go,” he continued to whisper, occasionally leaving sweet and delicate kisses on your forehead. He continued to hug you indefinitely, whispering words of comfort to you until you calmed down and stopped crying. You didn't know how to express your gratitude for having such a fantastic man like Jay by your side, you’d never have known how to do it without him. He was your rock, your backbone, what put you back together when your world fell apart.
-
In the next two days nothing special happened, you and Jay went on normally with your jobs, you operated, he arrested criminals.
It was Friday and it was now late morning while you were in the operating room after finishing an operation on a man with spinal problems. As usual, you washed your hands and left the operating room before going to write everything down on the patient's medical record.
Everything seemed to go on normally, lunchtime came quickly and as usual, Jay came to the hospital to pick you up and go eat something together. You were still busy in the last morning visits and Jay took the opportunity to exchange a few words with his brother Will, who was at the reception.
“Look who’s bere, I thought you died,” Will commented, jokingly.
“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't show up but work has been killing me lately, it's like the criminals have all woken up at the same time,”Jay explained “How is everything going?”.
“It's okay. I’m fine, Maya is back in town tomorrow and I can't wait to see her again, work is going pretty well, in short, I have nothing to complain about and I can finally exchange few words with my little brother.”
Jay chuckled and was about to answer when a man's voice interrupted him.
“Excuse me,” the man said, getting attention “I'm looking for doctor Y/N Y/LN, where can I find her?”.
Jay immediately turned to the man after hearing your name being mentioned and looked him up and down, studying his appearance and making sure he wasn't some ex or, worse, a shady guy. He was a man who couldn’t exceed fifty-five, tall, slender physique, balding. He had his hands tucked into the pocket of his visibly ruined pants and his gaze totally absent.
“She’s finishing her last visits, you can wait in the waiting room and I will call you,” Will replied cordially.
“No, it's pretty urgent. I'm here for my wife and the doctor made an appointment for me today and at this time,” said the man, so calmly, a behavior that was not expected of someone who had a loved one hospitalized.
“I’m sure you can wait here too, the doctor will come down immediately and see you,” Jay continued, but the man insisted that the matter was urgent and he needed to see her right away.
“If the doctor told you that, you can go now,” Will said, going on to explain where to find you.
The man thanked him and started walking towards the elevator. By now he had memorized the way to your ward, which was only on the first floor.
Slowly, the man approached the ward where, however, a nurse stopped him.
“Sir, visiting hours are over, you can't stay here.”
“I'm looking for Doctor Y/LN,” he replied, completely ignoring the nurse's words.
“You can come back here at three in the afternoon, when visiting hours start again.”
Soon the situation plunged completely into the abyss, in a whirlwind of chaos and despair.
The man pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and without any sign of remorse or hesitation, shot that nurse, making his body fall to the ground, lifeless.
The sound of the shot echoed throughout the entire floor and the terrified screams of doctors, nurses and the patients themselves began to spread. They all started running away at the speed of light fearing for their lives. There were, however, those who couldn’t even get out of bed, asleep patients who were unable to save themselves.
When suddenly Jay saw a wave of people running from the elevator, terrified, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He and Will quickly exchanged a worried look and Jay immediately tried to stop someone to ask for an explanation.
“Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed aloud, but everyone ignored him, continuing to run away. He stopped a man, who in terror stammered a few words.
“A… A man… He has a… He shot… He has a gun.”
Jay’s heart stopped beating for a moment as he heard those words. His mind immediately understood what was happening, who was the aggressor and his first thought was you. That man had targeted you, he wanted you.
A feeling of panic took over him and his brain went completely blackout. His first instinct was to run to the elevator and try to find you before that man found you but Will stopped him.
“Where the hell are you going?!”
“What do you mean where the hell am I going? That man is looking for Y/N I have to find her!”
“Jay you need backup!”
“You get as many people out as possible, I call the rest of the team and look for Y/N,” Jay had replied and before Will could even answer, he run for the elevators. After quickly making the call and making sure the team and SWAT were coming soon, he put his cell phone in his pocket and reached for his gun.
At that precise moment a shiver went through his body as he realized he didn’t have his gun with him and that he had left it in the dashboard of his car.
“Fuck!” he whispered angrily to himself. That didn’t stop Jay, however, determined to find you before the madman did. He began to wander the corridors of that floor, constantly looking around. He felt the sweat tinge his forehead and his heartbeat greatly accelerated, not so much because of the situation but because he knew your life was in danger. He kept praying with every fiber of his being you were okay, that you were able to hide somewhere.
The anxiety and worry he was feeling at that moment were feelings he had felt a few times in his life and knowing that you, the love of his life, were in danger and, above all, he couldn’t do anything to help you, it destroyed him. Deep down he couldn’t even formulate a single coherent and rational thought.
The last thing you expected that day – and to be honest, you didn’t expect at all – was to find yourself face to face with an armed man pointing his gun at you.
“Mr. Hopkins…” you whispered, short of breath and heart pounding. Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’s husband, the lady who had passed away on your operating table a few days earlier, stood in front of you, with an absent look, and with the gun pointing straight at you.
“You killed my wife,” he said, his voice cold, aloof, as if a robot had taken possession of him.
“I… Mr. Hopkins I don’t…” you stammered, having no idea how to get out of that situation.
“You killed my wife!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, showing some emotion for the first time. His sudden change of tone made you jump with fear, and in pure instinct you raised your hands up, visibly trembling.
“Mr. Hopkins, please… Lower that gun, there is no need, I promise you I will answer any of your question.”
“Shut up!” he yelled again “There is no question you can answer! You killed my wife! The love of my life! You took her away from me and today you will die like her!”.
Your eyes filled with tears, but you tried in vain not to cry.
Fuck no, you didn’t want to die, not that day, not like that.
“Mr. Hopkins… I ask you please, let me explain how things went, I’m sure you will want to know why. I know this won’t bring your wife back and I’m terribly sorry about that, I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you, but I can help you find answers if you wants.”
“And what could fix this? She died!” he exclaimed, waving his gun at you and making you jump again.
Oh God please.
“Nothing, I know it won’t bring her back to life, but it might help you find some peace, I’m sure, in fact, I’m 100% sure Ellen would like you to be at peace, she doesn’t want you pining for her death.”
“I don’t want to hear you talk!” Bill continued, now taken by anger and resentment “I hate you! I hate you so much! You were the one who had to heal my wife, make her feel better and not kill her! ”.
Your heart tightened in a vise and you couldn’t not feel guilty. You rationally knew it wasn’t your fault but, subconsciously, you couldn’t help but think so.
“Okay, okay, but please Mr. Hopkins, this thing is just between me and you alright? No one else has to suffer from this tragedy, no family has to mourn their loved one, if you want to blame me that’s fine but leave the other innocent people alone.”
“I don’t care a damn about the others, they were just accidents along the way. I wanted you Dr. Y/LN, you ended my wife’s life and I will end yours.”
Your blood froze in your veins, your brain working hard to try to invent a way to escape from that situation.
At that moment your thought was only one, only Jay, and how much you wished him to appear through that door and take you away from there. You couldn’t stop thinking how that morning could’ve been the last time you saw him, how you wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms.
Bill clicked the safety of his gun and a feeling of panic took hold of you completely, fearing that these would be your last moments in life.
“Bill… Please listen to me,” you begged him “I know you aren’t a bad person, I know you are grieving terribly for the loss of your wife and I am so sorry, there has not been a moment when I have not thought of her and I don’t even dare imagine your suffering, damn it, I don’t even know how I would’ve reacted in such a situation. I know it’s just the sadness and anger that are talking now, and you are right to be angry with me, with the world, with whoever is up there who took Ellen away from you and I don’t blame you for that. I know I was the person you trusted most to save her life and I betrayed this trust and I will forever apologize for that, because I wanted Ellen to recover as much as you did. I am not a perfect being, I am human too and as such I can make mistakes but I am ready to pay the consequences,” you spoke, and noticing that he was listening to you you continued “I did my best and believe me when I tell you that if there was a single minimal thing I could’ve done to save her, I would’ve done it but I know you don’t see it that way now. Bill... I… I have a family too, I’m somebody’s daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend and like I said I know you’re not a bad person, I know you never want any family to go through what you are going through right now.”
“You’re wrong Dr. Y/LN,” he replied, suddenly calm, as if all the anger he felt until recently had magically vanished. “I want everyone to feel exactly what I’m feeling.”
The sound of a gunshot boomed throughout your office room as it kept repeating in your mind. Suddenly the whole world around you fell into total silence, there was only a subspecies of hum that you could clearly hear with your ears.
You didn’t realize it right away. It took you a few moments to do it.
You didn’t realize right away he actually shot you. It was only when you looked down and watched the blood splatter spread across your uniform that you really realized he had shot you.
Your body fell into a trance state and you didn’t immediately feel pain, due to the adrenaline flowing through your veins.
You fell to the ground, without strength, the blood expanding rapidly under your body and soiling all your clothes. You had no idea what was going on, you didn’t know if you were dead, if you were still alive, if your attacker was still there, if it was all a terrible nightmare.
Your mouth was completely dry, your jaws so dehydrated as if you had just run a marathon. Your heart was beating madly as your chest rose and fell quickly even though each breath was like receiving a stab, one was more painful than the other.
At that point the pain slowly began to be excruciating, so persistent as to be almost paralyzing. It felt as if millions of needles were penetrating your skin with extreme and devastating agony.
Jay was right there, he had witnessed that frightening and horrible scene from afar, given the open door of your office. He had seen how that man shot you in cold blood and without the slightest doubt or hesitation.
It was Will who literally held him back by force, or he would’ve come to you, or he would’ve tried to save you. He would’ve even taken that bullet for you, he would’ve fought to try to save you, but he couldn’t have done it and now you were probably even dead.
It didn’t do any good to wriggle with all the strength he had in his body, try to escape Will’s grip, yell at him to let him go.
“Fuck Will, let me go!” Jay kept screaming, trying to run away, in despair he had never been in his life. His stomach was in a vise and a lump in his throat had formed.
But when that shot rang out within the walls of that hospital, Jay was completely paralyzed for a few seconds, as if for a moment he had feared he had an auditory hallucination.
He stood still as his mind processed what was really going on.
“No!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, freeing himself from Will and running at lightning speed to your office. He didn't have anything else in mind but you at that moment and he didn't even care that bastard had vanished, he just wanted to see you.
Seeing you poured into a pool of your own blood was an image that would never leave his mind again.
“Baby! Baby! Please wake up, don't leave me!” Jay exclaimed, immediately leaning over your body, not caring in the least he was soiled with blood. He took your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he noticed you were still alive, trying to mumble something.
“Shhh my love, don't talk, keep your strength okay? I'm here now, I won't let you go, please hold on tight” Jay begged, “Will!” his eyes blurred with tears and only then he realized he was crying “Please don't play tricks on me, you have to stay with your eyes open okay?”.
“J-Jay…” you muttered, struggling to keep your eyes open “It hurts so much...”
Jay cried even more to hear those words, knowing you were in terribly much pain and there was nothing he could do to end that pain. He continued to caress your face, your hair, noticing the paleness of your skin. He knew very well how you felt, he knew how a shot could be terribly painful.
“I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier baby, please don't leave me okay? I love you so much, I can't live without you…” he cried “Try to hold on for me, you'll be fine I promise...”
“I... I want to sleep Jay...”
“No, no, no, no,” he replied, panic in his voice. “Don't fall asleep, okay? You have to keep these beautiful eyes of yours open, can you do this for me my love? I know it's difficult but you are so strong, you are the strongest person I know... Don't do this to me, don't leave me baby…”
But at that moment you weren't strong at all, you weren't a fighter and you didn't have the energy and strength to fight. You just wanted to let yourself go and get some sleep, just for a little while.
The room slowly began to fade as black splotches appeared before your eyes and at that point you could no longer fight to keep your eyes open and found yourself sucked into a whirlwind of darkness.
“Will!” Jay yelled in utter despair again.
Will immediately walked into your office after rushing to get a stretcher and an emergency kit, and seeing the blood and you unconscious in Jay's arms he knew immediately that the situation was dire.
“I’m sorry I was finding these. We need to get her to the OR immediately. Jay help me put her on the stretcher,” Will ordered, trying to stay as cool and lucid as possible even though it was hard for him to see you like that too. You weren't just his brother's girlfriend, you were also his colleague and a very dear friend.
“Take her by the shoulders, I’ll take her by the legs. At three we raise her, okay?”.
Jay nodded, trying to wipe away his tears quickly and did what Will said.
“One. Two. Three.”
They placed you on the stretcher and all three of you immediately left the office, trying to go as quickly as possible to the operating room. It was a race against time, and both Will and Jay knew it, there was no room for mistakes, there was no room for hesitation.
“Will,” Jay called his brother, before seeing him enter the OR.
Will turned and immediately understood the words Jay was about to say.
“I can't be without her, save her please.”
Will's heart squeezed in a vise and never as in that moment he felt a huge weight on his shoulders because he knew if things went wrong he wouldn’t only lose you, a friend, a colleague, an exceptional doctor, but he would also lose his little brother.
He nodded before turning and walking into the operating room.
Jay didn't know what to do with himself. He never felt so helpless and at the same time cutting out from the world.
He didn't know the rest of his team had arrived there in the hospital, that the man was immediately found and arrested after killing that nurse and seriously injuring you and two other people but Jay didn't even care.
He didn't care where he was, he didn't care if he suddenly appeared behind him or even if he went around the hospital. He knew this wasn’t correct, his motto was to protect and serve but he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted nothing more than to know you were alive, safe and sound, that you were okay.
When it came to you, there was no criminal, job or any other matter that had a priority over you, there was nothing he wouldn’t have abandoned just to know that you were happy, that you were well and healthy. You had always been the center of his world since he met you and he didn’t even care how absurd it seemed, but it was the truth, you were his everything, all that was most important to him and knowing he had done nothing to avoid hurting you was killing him, devouring him inside.
The thought there was only a wall to divide you physically but an abyss mentally, was something that Jay just couldn’t understand and in the hours when Will operated on you, he thought he literally died a thousand times.
For the first time in his life he had understood the real meaning of fear and it was a feeling he never wanted to try again. It was horrible, devastating, debilitating, feeling that damned fear, that paralyzing and visceral feeling of anxiety that twisted his stomach in a tight grip. He was afraid of losing you, of never seeing you again.
How could he live without you?
How could he only think of living in a world where you were not there?
He wasn’t ready. He would never be.
This option had never even touched his head since you became a part of his world. He wanted to be with you forever, until his last breath and that was not even enough, because he knew that even in the afterlife your souls would be reunited and you would be together again.
What would he do if he never saw you again? What if he could no longer talk to you, hear you laugh at his sleazy jokes, hear you romp when you were happy, see you smile, hug you when you were sad and wipe your tears when you lost some patient on the operating table? What would he have done without your immense clumsiness, so much that he didn’t even know how you were a surgeon sometimes, without your disastrous cooking, without your hair ties thrown all over the place, without your obsessive way of disinfecting everything? What would he have done without your kisses, your hugs, your way of making him feel so pampered and loved, always, every day and every second?
“Fuck no, no, no, no,” Jay muttered to himself, as if to banish those horrible thoughts from his mind, “God please, please, save her, let her come back to me…”
After about an hour in which you were in the operating room, the rest of the intelligence reached Jay and in vain his friends tried to calm him down.
It was only when he saw Will come out the door of that damned operating room that he came back to breathe a bit and at the same time die of heartbreak and anxiety.
“So? How did it go? Is she fine? Please tell me she’s okay,” Jay spat out, immediately approaching his brother. He studied the expression on his face in the smallest details and a modicum of hope lit up when he didn’t see that typical expression you had when you had to communicate the death of a loved one, he didn’t seem sad, on the contrary.
“The surgery was a succes, I am 99% sure she will recover completely. The bullet had pierced the stomach but fortunately there was no major damage. Now I’m taking her to ICU and we’ll have to wait for her to wake up,” Will explained and couldn’t even explain the transformation Jay underwent. He noticed the precise moment when that veil of anxiety and worry finally disappeared, replaced instead by joy and happiness.
In a rush of happiness Jay hugged his brother, squeezing him like he had never done before. “Thank you Will, thank you so much.”
Will returned that hug, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me, she is very strong.”
“Yeah, she really is,” Jay replied through tears, only then realizing he was crying. “When can I see her?”.
“In a while don’t worry.”
Seeing you lying on that hospital bed was an image Jay would never have thought of seeing in his life, it was literally a blow to his heart. You had oxygen goggles inserted in your nostrils, your face was terribly pale but despite that you were still the most beautiful creature Jay had ever seen.
He stood next to you and he never took his eyes off you for not even for a second. His hand gently stroked your hair, as he used to do when you slept. It had now become a habit, stroking your hair and watching you sleep. Sometimes it happened that you smiled even in your sleep, snuggling closer to him, but this time it didn’t happen.
Your skin was cold under his fingers, as he stroked your cheeks and, God, he would’ve given anything to be in your place, so as not to see you hurt even for a minute.
Jay leaned over and gave a kiss on your forehead, as he kept caressing your face and hair.
“Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you? How do you make me feel? How important you are to me?” Jay began to speak, remembering the words you said to him once and that talking to patients asleep can have a positive effect on their awakening. He left another kiss on your forehead. “Do you have any idea how much you scared me today my baby? God, I've never felt so scared as I did today, not even while I was overseas. Seeing that son of a bitch...” Jay stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he remembered the moment you were shot “I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I don't want to imagine how scared you were, I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I was there, a few meters from you, I have always sworn to protect you and keep you safe but I have failed and I am so sorry.”
“Please wake up baby, don't you dare leave me here alone okay? I can't be in this fucking world without you. I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again, but now you just have to open your beautiful eyes alright? Can you do it for me? Show me those beautiful eyes that made me madly fall in love with you?”.
Jay stood there at your bedside indefinitely, watching you sleep and hoping that sooner or later you would finally open your eyes. Will spent nearly every twenty minutes visiting you and it was in vain for him to try to get Jay to go and rest.
It was when he felt your fingers move slightly, after almost twelve years, that he feared he was truly hallucinating.
“Oh my god, oh my god,” he literally jumped up from his chair, holding your hands as he looked at you “Baby, can you hear me? Please answer me, give me a sign. Please, please, please.”
He felt your fingers move slowly again and at that point he made sure it really happened, it wasn't a joke his mind was playing on him.
It took you some time to understand what was happening, where you were.
Your head was pounding terribly as if you were being hammered, your vision was blurred and you had to blink several times to focus.
The first thing you saw were the artificial lights coming from the ceiling, which at the time were terribly annoying.
“Where am I?” you grumbled with difficulty, feeling weak and completely without strength.
“You're in the hospital, love,” replied a voice you recognized immediately. It was Jay, your Jay. “No, no, stay still, don't get up.”
Your eyes met Jay's and the joy he felt at seeing you awake was something that was minimally comparable.
“You finally woke up,” he said, almost in a whisper, as if he hardly believed it. He stroked your hair, leaving a kiss on your forehead.
Suddenly images of what had happened flooded your mind, the exact scene in which you were shot seemed to repeat itself in a loop in your head.
“Has... Has any other person been hurt?" you asked.
Jay nodded his head, sadly. “But they’re all fine. He was caught soon after, he surrendered without opposition.”
“And you? How are you?”.
He chuckled, taking your hand with his and letting a kiss on it. “You're the one on a hospital bed.”
You let out a faint laugh but it results in a painful twinge. “I guess I deserved it.”
Jay's face immediately turned serious and his heart tightened in his chest as he heard these words. “You can't really believe such thing. You don't deserve to be here baby, it's not your fault what happened, please, get it out of your pretty little head.”
“His wife is dead and I had to save her,” you whispered, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as you tried in vain to hold back the tears.
“His wife died of a complication, every surgery has it, you always tell me, and you did everything possible to save her. You don't have to pay for something you are not to blame for, please stop thinking this okay?”.
You were silent for a moment and you then returned your eyes to Jay.
“Baby... Are you crying?” you asked, alarmed. He shook his head slightly, wiping away his tears quickly and avoiding looking at you.
“No, I'm not,” he muttered but let go when you started stroking his face. He lowered his head and let himself go in a liberating cry, venting the frustration, the anger, the sadness but above all, the relief.
“Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay,” you tried to console him as best you could given your position.
“I was so fucking scared to lose you Y/N…” he whispered.
“I know, love, I know, I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to apologize, on the contrary, I’m sorry, I should be the one to console you,” he said, wiping his tears and then looking at you. Your heart skipped a beat to see his beautiful green eyes shine so bright, still shiny from crying.
“You don't have to apologize Jay, there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it and you don’t have to blame yourself for not being able to stop this from happening,” you spoke up, realizing you were crying too.
“What about we both stop to blame ourselves?”.
“We have a deal,” you faintly smiled “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you too?”.
Jay let out a laugh, knowing you had actually heard his words as he spoke to you. He stood up again and leaned towards you before grabbing your face and pressing his lips against yours. There were no words to describe what he felt, what that contact caused within him, the relief to know he still had another chance to be with you, he still had he chance to kiss and hug you forever.
“Can you get close to me?” you asked.
“But I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t hurt me, please baby, I need you now.”
“God, how can I say no to this beautiful face?” he said and you giggled, trying to ignore the pain that this entailed. Slowly and carefully, you tried to move in the bed, so you could make room for Jay and not make the stitches fit.
“Be careful baby,” Jay warned, helping you.
Jay positioned himself beside you, trying to be careful not to make any sudden movements, and he put his arm under your head. He printed so many kisses on your face and forehead, still unable to believe the luck of still having you there with him.
“I swear to god I’ll never let you leave the house again, I can’t risk someone taking you away from me.”
You giggled again. “Don’t make me laugh please, it hurts.”
“It’s not my fault you have such a funny boyfriend, it’s something you’ll have to live with.”
You hit him with that bit of strength you had, aching from the wound. “Can you stop it?”.
“Sure my love,” he kissed you on the forehead again. “Now try to rest, okay? You need to regain strength so I’ll get you home as soon as possible. I will always be here beside you, I won’t let you go.”
And with those words of comfort, you slowly slipped into a deep sleep, into the arms of the man you loved and with the hope, sooner or later, everything would be fine, everything would return back to normality.
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themetalvirus · 2 years ago
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also do you ever think about WHY sonic doesnt want to express his emotions? it's because he doesn't like being vulnerable, right? people seeing his true self? why doesn't he want people to see his true self? why does he percieve emotions as something bad, either weak or too revealing? i saw a wonderful post from someone else that described how strong feelings are how people often get on the wrong path, so sonic chooses (to try) not to have them. at least not in excess.
i also think it's a bit of toxic masculinity and expectations placed on men/boys to act a certain way, knowledge that he is a worldwide celebrity with an image to maintain, being so sure of his identity that he doesn't have the bandwidth to dig deeper, stuff like that. i think he's also averse to the discomfort that comes with feeling uncomfortable feelings. he just wants to live his life and not worry about anything, but he's still a person, and thus he has worries regardless of what he wants.
it's also much more uncomfortable when someone tries to talk to him gently, asks him what's wrong, if he needs help. he'd rather suffer alone than subject his friends to what he thinks are his own problems. he can rely on his friends for a lot of things, he can open other people's hearts, but if he's in pain he'd rather keep it to himself. he'll deal with it. he's sonic, he can deal with anything.
he talks big about being yourself, but one can't help but feel like he doesn't fully take his own advice. he's kind and supportive of other people, understanding, full of heroic righteousness and thrill-seeking and violence for the greater good, but he doesn't seem to fully understand what taking care of himself really means. it may just be because he's young. it may be because he's been playing hero for so long. but i do think, whatever the root cause is, it's fascinating that he thinks this way.
(obligatory disclaimer: this is just my interpretation of him and yours could be wildly different, im just noodling about my own thoughts. which are also always subject to change because humans are fickle beasts)
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safety-pin-punk · 3 years ago
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idk how to word this, so apologies if it sounds strange
but I was wondering... you know being punk a part of that is disliking the rich, in simple terms
so if, -hypothetically- a punk person genuinely fell in love with a rich/richish person or a celebrity, would they still be considered punk or?
Oh boy, I feel like Im about to go on a roller coaster of tangents with this ask, so Im gonna put a tl;dr at the bottom. And before anyone comes at me for my reply, you should be aware that I grew up dirt poor to the point that my brother (now 35) refuses to eat pinto beans because thats all we had for 2 weeks straight once. So Im not saying this as a person who has never been effected by way that capitalism exists in our society.
First off, lets talk about what makes you ‘punk’. Its not a look, its not only about the music. Its about the set of values that you adhere to. Being punk is about supporting those who cant support themselves. Its about fighting for a better world. Being punk means that you genuinely care for the people and the world around you. Put simply, ‘hating the rich’ does not make you punk. But being upset with what the rich do with their money can.
And personally, I believe that its wrong to hate someone just because of their socioeconomic status. Now people like Bezos and Rowling, yeah, they are fair game. Not because they are rich, but because they are horrible people who use their money for not good things. But if you have someone who came into wealth either through an inheritance, hard work, or they were just born wealthy, why would you hate them for that? They cant control the socioeconomic circumstances of which they were born. Its like hating poc people just because of their skin color. Or hating men just because they are men. Why would you hate someone over something they cant control?
Now your ask specifically, does it make you not ‘punk’ to love someone who is rich? Short answer: no. BUT that isnt to say that there aren’t things that can result in less than cool circumstances. If your partner holds values that are the opposite of the punk culture, and are unwilling to learn and grow as a person, you may want to rethink things. If they came into their money by extortion and union busting, you may want to rethink things. If your partner expects YOU to adopt values that are the opposite of those that the punk culture holds dear, you may want to rethink things. But if you have a partner who wants to use their money for good and is willing to grow and change (or already holds some punk values whether they know it or not) , then I think you are set.
And also, (though I may not be the best representative here cause Im aro spec) you cant control who you love. You can choose whether or not you act on that love and how. But you cant control love. So even if (god forbid) you loved Jeffery Bezos, it wouldn’t immediately make you not punk, how you dealt with it could
I also want to throw in this. I’m not sure how old the person who sent this ask is, but regardless, I think this is very important. Never just accept what people say. And I dont mean that in a ‘dont believe everything you read on the internet’ kind of way. I mean it in a ‘dont believe or adopt values unless you understand why people value something’ way. You should be thinking critically about your own beliefs, not just going with something because ‘thats what punks are supposed to do’. I’ll even take this a step further and say, its almost the opposite of punk do dictate your life over what others say is right or wrong instead of what you have determined to be right or wrong. Rich people are a great example of that. And Im not including this to put anyone down, I just believe this is a very important aspect of punk culture and foundation that is starting to be forgotten. Dont hate someone or something just because people tell you to. Learn why and make your own conclusion.
Tl;dr: Dating someone of a certain socioeconomic status doesnt make you ‘less punk’ because people are not inherently bad because of something they are born into or have acquired. What is important is the values that people hold and what they do with their money.
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