#just finished the second of three new books for free

[fallingdownhell]

Of broken promises..

Genshin Men, completely forgetting about your birthday

Characters included: Xiao, Cyno and Childe

Summary: Your special day was just around the corner. You were very ecxited about it, since your boyfriend told you he had something very special planned for you. But things turned out different than you had expected..

Content (Warnings): Angst; Hurt/no comfort; established relationship; characters may be slightly ooc; misunderstandings; gender neutral reader; not proof read yet

Read Part 2 here

Word Count: 4.2k

I was in the mood for some angst, so now here I am, writing this and taking you all with me. I don’t know why I’m so drawn to drama and hurt, but I find it easier to write than fluff and other stuff. As always, feel free to point out any mistakes I may have made, I very much appreciate it!

Well then, I hope you enjoy reading this little piece I brought you all!

Xiao

Your relationship with Xiao was still very much in the beginning stages. It was all tender touches and soft words, as to not scare your boyfriend away from all these new emotions and situations that he was experiencing. You didn’t mind it though. You went into this relationship, knowing that you would have to take things very slow with him. Probably slower than you ever had, but in your eyes, it was a good thing.

It gave you both the opportunity to really get to know each other, not just on a superficial level. Your first kiss happened three months into the relationship and it was also at this point, that Xiao acknowleged his feelings for you though it was still difficult for him to initiate any sort of affection. He didn’t flinch away from you anymore though when you tried to cuddle or hug him, so in your book, that was a huge success already. 

Cue now, a few more months into the relationship, almost going for a year now, and your birthday was just around the corner. Xiao knew about it, how the mortals celebrated the day of ones birth every year, though he never thought anything of it. But since it was important to you, he not only made the effort to remember the date, but also plan something for you, so you could really enjoy that day. 

He did need to get some help though, since he had absolutely no idea what would be an appropriate thing to do and what wouldn’t be. Don’t mention it to him afterwards though, or he might get moody with you again. 

You were currently getting ready for your big day. Xiao refused to tell you, what you were going to do. He didn’t even give you a hint. The only thing he told you to do, was to dress up a little bit, which you gladly took the opportunity to do, since you don’t usually get the chance to do that very often. 

After one last look in the mirror once you were done, you went to sit down at your table, feeling giddy and excited. Hundreds of thoughts running through your mind at once, trying to figure out what his plans for today were. As you waited for Xiao to pick you up, like he told you he would do, you noticed that quite some time already went by. He should have been here half an hour ago...

Normally, you wouldn’t think much of it, everyone could be late sometimes. But this was Xiao. He was never late for anything, so of course you began to worry as you noticed this. 

“Xiao?”, you called his name and waited for a few seconds, hoping that he just had the wrong time remembered. But nothing happened. Your boyfriend didn’t magically appear right in front of you like he usually did when you spoke his name. 

Your gut feeling told you that something wasn’t right. But you swallowed that feeling right down, trying to calm yourself down by reasoning. 

‘Maybe he is just getting ready himself, no need to worry.’

‘Surely he is just finishing up some last preparations.’

You tried to find every possible reason for why he could be late and not appear at your call, but as you tried again and again to call his name, he still didn’t show up. Your heart began to feel heavy as worry settled deep within you. Something really must have gone wrong. 

You pondered for a long time, trying to figure out what you could do now. But after some time with no real success, you just couldn’t take it anymore. Without wasting another second, you grabbed a few important things and then went straight to Wangshuu Inn, hoping to find him there. Praying, that everything was okay.

 It took you some time to get there, but once you arrived, you wasted no time, going straight to the balcony your adeptus boyfriend usually kept for himself. 

“Xiao!”, you called again once you arrived, but still, nothing happened. You looked around, trying to see if you could spot him anywhere near, again, without success. Desperation settled into you, as you went downstairs, to where the Innkeeper was located. 

“Excuse me, Verr... have you seen Xiao today?”

“Xiao?”, she repeated, then thinking to herself for a few seconds. “No, I’m sorry. Last time I saw him was yesterday morning. He said he had something to take care of.”

“Oh, I see.... thank you.”, you murmured, not sure how you were supposed to feel or react to these news.

You wrecked your brain, trying to think if he had mentioned something the days prior. But if he did, you didn't remember it. Verr looked at you with something close to pity in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again just as quickly, obviously changing her mind about it. Sad and defeated, you made your way back to your house at Liyue Harbour, not sure what you were supposed to do now.

Should you search for your boyfriend? After all, he could be hurt out there somewhere. Then again, you had not even the faintest of idea where to begin with your search. Then, should you just wait here for him to return? But it was still Xiao you were talking about here. He could be gone for anytime between an hour and an entire week. Or, and you absolutely didn’t like that thought at all... he could never return. 

What if something bad happened to him while on this mission he never told you about? Was that the reason why he never said anything to you? Because he knew that he wouldn’t make it back? But that would be ridiculous. He wouldn’t have made so many plans with you and talked so much about your shared future with you if he knew he wouldn’t live to see it. 

All of these thoughts that came crashing in your mind, you just couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You forgot all about your stupid birthday, you just wished to have your partner right here next to you again, safe and sound. 

That night, you cried yourself to sleep, praying to all the Archons out there, that he would come back to you in one piece. That Xiao would be fine. It was all you would ever wish for. 

...

The next day you woke up to a cold bed. A clear indicator that he hadn’t returned in the middle of the night and spent it next to you. And also a harsh slap in the face with the cold reality. You struggled to get yourself out of bed or to get yourself ready, but you managed. Once you were done, you thought about your options, what you could do. 

You decided that your best course of action for now would be to go to Wangshuu Inn again today. Just to be on the safe side and see for yourself if he returned. So, you did just that, setting out again while sending a small little prayer to the Archons again. 

The walk to the Inn seemed longer this time around then it did yesterday. Maybe because you weren’t in such a rush to get there as you were yesterday. You were still defeated once you arrived, slowly walking up the stairs and pass Verr again, who only looked at you with a knowing gaze and tried to give you a reassuring smile. You found it hard to respond, so you just avoided her gaze and made your way up to the balcony again. 

To your surprise, you saw Xiao standing by the handrail, his gaze fixed at something in the distance, but you were sure that he noticed the presence of someone coming up the stairs. Still, you were in shock how casual he was just standing there.

“Xiao?”, you spoke, and the shock was clearly heard in your voice. Your boyfriend turned around and looked at you, while you were also frozen in place a few steps away from him. 

“What?”, was the cold reply you got, which only threw you off even more. Why was he being this way to you? Shaking that thought out of your head again, you quickly walked up to him.

“What do you mean ‘what’? I was worried about you! Where were you?”

“Why were you worried? You know of my duty to protect Liyue. I have been away for longer than one single day. And as far as I know, we weren’t supposed to meet up.”

You were taken aback, staring at him as if you were asking him with your eyes to please tell you that he was only joking. But that was the problem.. Xiao never joked, about anything.

“But.. we were. Yesterday was-”

“Y/N, please, leave it for now. I am not in the mood today.”

“But Xiao, yesterday-”

“I said, leave it. I had something important to do yesterday. Something more important than whatever silly little thing you have come up with to bother me! I’m not in the mood for your antics today, so just don’t bother. Leave me alone.”

You took a step back as you heard his harsh words. For a second, you thought you saw something like guilt shine in his eyes, but it was quickly washed away by the cold expression he now wore. 

You were hurt. He had never said anything like that to you, you weren’t sure how to react. So you did the only thing you could think of.

Without another word or glance at him, you turned around and granted him his wish. His wish for you to leave him alone. 

________________

Cyno 

Cyno had many responsibilites as the General Mahamatra. It wasn’t uncommon for him to be gone for a whole week - sometimes even longer - for a mission. He could never tell you much about his work or current mission, until it was over, as to not endanger you or himself. But once the deed was done, he told you all about it, about everything that he experienced. 

When he was gone for so long, the first thing he would always do was to find you, trap you in his arms and cuddle with you for hours on end. Not many people would think this of him, but Cyno was a very affectionate lover. He thrieved on physical contact, no matter if it was just holding your hand of if he could hold you in his arms. 

To him, you were the most important thing in his life, second to nothing else. Sometimes, he resented his position as General Mahamatra, especially if it was preventing him from spending time with you for an extended period of time. But it was also his calling, he felt.This position was so important to him, and you knew that as well. You learned to deal with it, and Cyno was so grateful for it.

He didn’t know many people who could put up with a busy partner as himself for such a long time, but you two managed. That’s why, as a way to show his gratitude towards you, he put so much effort into your relationship. He was never late for anything, be it a date or just something trivial. He made an effort to remember every important date, be it for anniversaries or a birthday date. In all of your years with Cyno, although you did have your ups and downs, it was overall the best relationship you ever had. 

And that is exaclty why the current situation hurt you so much. 

...

You were having dinner with your boyfriend, already feeling a little giddy as your birthday was just a week away and you were excited to see what Cyno had in store for you this year. 

Except, it came entirely different.

“I have to leave for a mission tomorrow. It’s a very important one, so expect me to be gone for about two weeks.”

You froze when you heard those words. Surely, you must have misunderstood. 

“What?”, you said, not really being able to process this new information. And it didn’t help that Cyno simply repeated what he had said. 

Was he making a joke again? That had to be it. Surely, he would never forget about it. 

“You’re.. leaving? But, what about-”

“Y/N, please. It’s a very important mission. I can’t just let anyone handle this. It has to be me. You have to understand.”

So, he really wasn’t joking. You just looked at him, while he continued eating like nothing has happened, completely unbothered. Suddenly, you were not feeling hungry at all, so you just got up and left the table.

“Darling?”, Cyno called after you as you went in the living room, not sure what else to do with yourself at the moment. Cyno continued to look after you, trying to figure out what could be wrong with you. He wrecked his brain but when he couldn’t come up with a solution, he just shrugged it off and continued with his meal. He would deal with it once he was done eating. 

Meanwhile, you were sitting on the couch, deep in your thoughts. You were trying to come up with a solution, a scenario in which Cyno could still spend your birthday with you. You didn’t want to spend it without him, you have never done that since you got in this relationship with him and you definitely didn’t want to start with it now. 

You had no idea how much time had went by when you suddenly felt the arms of your lover wrap around you as he sat down next to you. 

“What’s wrong, my dear?”, he asked, his crimson eyes fixed on you. 

“Just... thinking.”, you said, as you were not able to come up with an idea until now. 

“Thinking about what? Tell me, maybe I can help.” That did sound like a good idea, so you obliged. 

“It’s about that mission of yours. I was just thinking-”

“Y/N”, Cyno let out with a long, frustrated sounding sigh. “There’s nothing I can do about it. Can’t we just forget about it for now and just cuddle a bit. You know I’m gonna miss you.”

“So you can just go and disappear in the morning before I’m even awake? No Cyno, I wanna talk about it now. Because you’re forgetting something important.”

“I am not forgetting anything. Right now, the only important thing is this mission. I can’t tell you about it, but just know I have to be the one to take it.”

You were getting frustrated as well. He was just not giving you a chance to explain yourself. 

“That’s not what I mean, Cyno. I know YOU want to take that mission, and that’s fine. But there is something else you should remember. What I’m trying to tell you is-”

“Listen, I don’t wanna argue right now. If you can’t handle this, maybe it was a mistake to get in this relationship with you.”

You froze when he said that, staring at him, unmoving. Was that really how he felt? Like all this was a mistake? That YOU were a mistake? 

Cyno waited for a response from you for a few seconds, but when nothing came, he sighed and stood up, collecting a few neccessities he would need on this trip. 

When he passed the living room again, he saw you still standing there. “I changed my mind. I’m leaving today. Maybe the time apart will help the both of us to figure something out and reflect on us.” 

With that said, he went for the door and you heard it fall into place again once he had already left.

So that was it? He just left, basically telling you that your relationship might be ending when he returned? And that was when the dam in you broke and tears started to stream down your face. You broke down were you were standing, clutching your chest in hope to ease the burning pain you were feeling inside but of course, it didn’t help. 

What a way to spend your upcoming birthday.. anticipating the end of your relationship with the man of your dreams..

__________________________

Childe (Ajax)

Being in a relationship with a harbinger was simultaneously  the best and worst decision in your life. 

Childe was a very sweet and caring lover, although sometimes slightly overprotective. You’ve spoken to him about it many times, but after only a week or so, he completely forgot about it again and went back to his old ways of guarding you like a hawk. 

People in Shneznahya knew about you and your relationship to one of their harbingers, so you were almost as feared as Childe himself, as people were afraid you would talk ill of them to him, which would then result in harm for them. 

They didn’t know they had nothing to fear. You were one of the kindest and caring humans that Childe has ever met. It was one of the many reasons why he fell in love with you in the first place. 

After he joined the harbingers, he became a frequent visitor in the infirmary, even more so than before. Somehow it was always you who had to take care of him when he was injured again. Most of the time, while you were treating him, Childe was talking about random stuff, throwing in a flirtly remark here and there, but you never paid much mind to it.

Until one day when he showed up there, no injury in sight, so you asked him what he wanted here. And he just asked you on a date. 

That was over two years ago and you have been in a relationship with him ever since. Childe was loyal to you, and you trusted him in that, even if he had to travel to many different regions all across Teyvat. He couldn’t always take you with him and the time you two had to spend apart from each other proved to be difficult for both of you. 

You also learned very soon that Childe was totally a family person. He took you to meet his parents fairly early on, but you really hit it off with them, getting along quite well with them, and his siblings followed soon. You fell in love with them, and Childe just love seeing you interact with his family. It made him want to get a family of his own with you as soon as possible. 

But, no matter how good the relationship was going, there were also always going to be problems along the way. His work was a huge factor, yes, but another huge part of the problem was Childe’s confrontational behaviour. He liked to cause fights, not only physical ones with his enemies, but also with you. 

His personality and pride demanded of him to win in every argument you two had, even when he would be in the wrong. Apologizing had never been a strong suit for the ginger, and you knew that. But sometimes, that was all you wanted. For him to seriously apologize and make you his number one priority form time to time. 

Because you never were. You knew that Childe loved you with all his heart, he told you that almost every single day. And still, you were only ever his second choice. Because his work would always stay his number one priority. 

No matter what it was or how bad the timing would be, if he had another mission, he would already be out the door, barely giving you a kiss to the cheek before he was gone. Sometimes, it was hard. Having to stay behind, not knowing if he would return to you in one piece again. 

He promised you to be careful and that he would always return to you, but there was still a chance. A chance that something wouldn’t go as planned and fate would take him from you. In that times of not knowing, you didn’t care how difficult your relationship was if it meant that he was alive and well in your arms. 

...

It had been a very stressful week, work has been demanding much from you, both mentally and physically. You were glad when you got home that evening, looking forward to the few days you were able to spend with your boyfriend again. 

As if he sensed that you would be done this evening, you found him in the kitchen, preparing a meal for you both.

“Ajax? You, cooking? What’s the occaision?”, you asked, clearly surprised since he rarely cooked, ever. 

At that, he just laughed. “What, can’t I spoil my beautiful lover from time to time?”, he asked, giving you a smirk. “Sit down, I’m almost done.”

You did as you’re told, not questioning him any further. You just assumed that it would be a taste for your birthday tomorrow. You haven’t planned much that day, since you never really celebrated your birthday. You would just have lunch with his family at their place and then spend the rest of the day together, doing whatever came to your mind. Maybe his spoiling you today was in preparation for your day tomorrow. 

The meal was actually very good, which surprised you, since you only got to taste Childe’s cooking once before today, and that wasn’t exactly his best creation. Your boyfriend seemed to be proud of it himself. 

Afterwards, you did the dishes together, before you both went to get ready for bed. Like every night, once you got into bed, he pulled you close to his chest and whispered a sweet “I love you” in your ear, before you both drifted of to sleep. 

...

The next morning, you woke up alone in bed. Patting your hand on his side of the bed, you found that it was still somewhat warm, meaning that he got up not too long ago himself. 

You managed to get yourself out of bed, before searching for your boyfriend. You find him sitting in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. 

He noticed you coming up behind him, so he turned to you and smiled up at you. “Good morning, sunshine. Did you sleep well?” 

You nodded as you went and made yourself your own cup to get your day started properly. You both set in a comfortable silence as you each drank your own drink. Only when you awoke more and more did you notice something strange... normally, Childe would have already showered you in congratulations and presented you with at least a gift or two, but nothing. 

Yet, you chose to not say anything just yet. Maybe he had something planned and would do that later in the day. 

Once done with your coffee, you got up and went to the bathroom to get yourself ready for lunch with his family. You usually got in the bath first, since you took longer than him, Childe would almost always be done within ten minutes or so. 

When it was his turn to get ready, you were waiting for him in the living room, when a knock on the door startled you. You were not expecting any visitors today, but you still went and answered the door. 

“Greetings. Would the Lord Harbinger happen to be available?”, was the first thing to greet you once you opened the door. Perplexed, you just nodded and went to turn around, but Childe was already coming down the stairs towards you.

“Babe, everything alright?”

“Yeah.. there is someone for you at the door..”, you said. Not wanting to pry, you went to the kitchen, but you weren’t really able to sit down as just a few seconds later, the door closed again and Childe came in the room. 

“I’m sorry babe. An urgent mission. I have to go right now.”

“What? But what about lunch? Your family is waiting for us. And-”

“It’s just a meal with my family. It’s not that big of a deal if we miss it this one time. I’m sure they would understand.”

You were shocked as you heard this. Did he really forget? That today was your birthday? Sure, you never really liked to make a huge deal about it, but at the very least you wanted people to remember it. Was that too much to ask for?

Too caught up in your feelings, you didn’t care how you sounded when you said that to him. “Fine. Go do whatever it is you have to do then, since it’s so much more important. But I’ll go and meet your family since they’re waiting for us.”

With that, you stormed past him, grabbed your coat and went out the door. Childe just stood there, utterly confused on why you were so upset about this. It was just a simple lunch, nothing too exciting about it. 

So, he just shrugged it off and went to collect his coat. Then, he made his way to the palace of the Tsaritsa, where he would get the details to his next mission, while his mind was still racing, trying to figure out what went through your head... but he just couldn’t come up with anything. 

Couldn’t be something too important if he forgot about it...

[storiesforallfandoms]

oblivious ~ eddie munson;stranger things

word count: 3103

request?: no

description: in which he has a huge crush on the scoops ahoy girl, but she's too oblivious to notice

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader

warnings: swearing, use of y/n

masterlist (one, two, three)

The first time Eddie came into Scoops Ahoy, he was on a date.

He had been so excited for this date. It had taken him forever to work up the courage to ask the girl, a sweet girl in his grade named Noel. When she said yes, he felt like he could fly. He had planned out the perfect date: ice cream, a movie, and then maybe dinner if they were feeling up for it. If not, a drive in his van to stargaze before he brought her home.

It was all perfect, and it was already going well even though it had only just started.

And then, as he walked into Scoops with his arm around Noel's shoulder, his eyes landed on the girl at the counter, and he found himself breathless.

He hadn't seen her before. He thought he was about to run into Robin Buckley, who he knew had a part time gig at this place and who liked Eddie enough that she might've slipped him a free sundae with two spoons for him and his date. Instead, there was the most beautiful girl Eddie had ever seen standing at the cash, looking down at the book she had opened on the counter. When she heard them walking up, she looked up and smiled, and Eddie felt like she was the only woman in the entire world.

Not exactly the best thing to be thinking when you're on a date with someone else, he thought to himself.

"Ahoy, you two!" she said, marking her book and setting it aside. "What can I get you two?"

Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Noel looked up at him, and he quickly plastered a smile on his face so she didn't see his obvious attraction to this girl. He looked back down at her and said, "Whatever you want."

She ordered a large sized sundae and asked for two spoons for them to share. The cashier took their payment and got to work scooping the ice cream into a sundae glass. Noel was chattering away to Eddie, but he had a hard time focusing. He tried to keep eye contact with Noel, but he kept glancing up at the worker. She wasn't looking at the two of them, but he wished she would. He wanted her to see him, to maybe have a flicker of the same thoughts he was having about her.

When she passed him their ice cream, she smiled and said, "Enjoy."

"Thank you," Eddie said, pausing to glance at her name tag. "(Y/N)."

~~~~~~

The second time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, he was alone.

It was a week later, and he had been thinking about (Y/N) the entire time. He couldn't get her out of his mind. It was summer time, so there was no way for him to try and see her at school. His only hope was to go into Scoops and hope she was working.

Lucky for him, she was.

She was leaning against the counter, reading another book. The place was surprisingly not busy for an ice cream store during the summer, but Eddie was going to use that to his advantage while he could.

"Still not through that book?" he asked, playfully. "You must be a slow reader."

She looked up at the sound of his voice and smiled. "Oh hey, I remember you."

"I would hope so. I like to make a lasting impression."

She chuckled and marked her book. "For your information, this is a new book. Actually, the third new book since you were here last week. I finished that one the day you were here."

Eddie whistled. "That's impressive."

"There's not much else to do during the slow periods. They schedule two of us on at a time and usually by, like, 3pm it dies off here. Everyone is either going home for the day or getting dinner, or going to a movie. Which reminds me, where's your girlfriend?"

Was she asking because she was genuinely curious, or was she trying to figure out whether or not Eddie was single?

"Not girlfriend," he responded. "Just one date, and not a good one at that."

"Oh, that sucks. What happened?"

"I took her to a movie and she really did not like it. She was almost insulted that I took her to it as a first date."

"Which movie? There's plenty of good rom-coms out, and most of them are really good from what I've heard."

"I'm not really a rom-com type of guy, so I took her to see that movie Aliens."

(Y/N) started laughing. "That's a horror movie! You took a girl to see a horror movie on your first date?"

Eddie put his hands up in mock surrender. "Hey! I just said I'm not a rom-com guy! I didn't think that would be a bad choice. Wait, how do you know it's a horror movie? Have you seen it?"

She nodded. "I'm really into sci-fi stuff. I went to see it the weekend it came out."

I'm in love.

They continued to talk for a while until a customer finally came in. Eddie stepped aside so that (Y/N) could do her job. Robin emerged from the back room just as (Y/N) started to get the kid's ice cream and told her she could go on her break. Eddie itched to ask her if she wanted to get lunch together, but he didn't want to seem too eager or obvious.

(Y/N) looked over at him. "I'd ask if you wanted to grab something to eat, but I brought lunch today and I'm not one to waste food."

His heart fluttered. She would've asked. Maybe I'm not too eager.

"That's okay. I wouldn't want you to waste whatever you brought either. Maybe if I'm ever in the area again."

She was smiling again. "Yeah! That'd be cool. You should stop by whenever you're in the mall. It's super boring here when the crowd dies down, and Robin is only good for conversation for so long."

"Hey!" Robin said, throwing a used sample stick at (Y/N).

(Y/N) screeched and moved out of the way. The two were laughing as (Y/N) walked to the back room for her break. Eddie stood for a moment longer, watching her go, before he reluctantly decided to leave the shop. He would've stayed all day if he could, just to talk to (Y/N). But he definitely did not want to give her stalker vibes. Maybe he'd come back tomorrow, or give it a few days. But he would definitely be back.

~~~~~~

Later that evening, while Robin and (Y/N) were doing their closing duties, Robin said, "I didn't know you knew Eddie Munson."

(Y/N) looked at her in confusion. Robin raised an eyebrow. "Long, brown hair? Ripped jeans? Band shirt? Was here talking to you earlier?"

"Oh!" (Y/N) said, the lightbulb of recognition finally lighting up in her head. "That's his name? He hasn't told me yet."

"So you don't know him then."

(Y/N) shrugged. "He came in last week on a date, then came in again today. We were talking for a bit. He seems nice."

"Wait, wait, he was here on a date? Does his girlfriend know he's coming in and flirting up a storm with the Scoops Ahoy girl? You don't want some crazy coming in here ready to scratch your eyes out because she thinks you're trying to steal her boyfriend."

(Y/N) laughed. "You're funny, Robin. He wasn't flirting with me. He was just talking. And he doesn't have a girlfriend. The date went poorly he said."

Robin gave (Y/N) a look. She was surprised to see that (Y/N) wasn't blushing or flustered talking about Eddie. She seemed to genuinely think Eddie was just being friendly while he was there. Had she really been that oblivious to not realize Eddie was smitten with her? He hadn't bought any ice cream while he was there, and left right after (Y/N) went on her break. Was she not connecting the dots?

After a moment, Robin realized that (Y/N) really hadn't.

The next morning, Steve had come in for his shift to find Robin erasing the "You Suck/You Rule" board she had made to keep a tally of all the times he had struck out with girls.

"Finally giving up on your bullying?" he asked her.

"No," Robin said. "I'm starting over with a new target."

At the top of the board, Robin wrote (Y/N)'s name.

~~~~~~

The third time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, (Y/N) hadn't been working. He had to order ice cream that he didn't even want as to not seem so obvious that he was only there to see her.

The fourth time Eddie went to Scoops Ahoy, (Y/N) was there. It was the next day, which he felt silly about but he had been sad he didn't get to see her the day before, and didn't want to wait more time before trying to see her again.

Luckily, (Y/N) was working with Steve and not Robin, which was who had been in the day before when he walked in.

This time, (Y/N) told Eddie she hadn't brought a lunch in hopes of seeing him, and they decided to get food from the food court together. They spent the entire half hour getting to know one another. When Eddie told (Y/N) about Hellfire, she seemed genuinely interested, despite not knowing anything about Dungeons and Dragons.

"Do you have sessions over the summer?" she asked.

"Sometimes. I try to give the kids a break from getting absolutely demolished by my sadist campaigns, but they often ask me to hold a session every now and then."

"Maybe I could come by sometime to watch. I would be absolutely garbage to play, I know nothing about the game and I'd definitely hold your team or whatever back, but I'd love to see you in full Dungeon Master mode. You seem to be really passionate about it."

Normally, spectators were absolutely not allowed. New people weren't even allowed to join the campaign unless Eddie approved of them, and Eddie approved of very few people for his DND campaigns.

But he definitely approved of (Y/N). Even if she just wanted to come and spend the entire time not paying any attention to what was going on, he would let her. Just to have her involved with his world.

"I think that could be allowed," he said, trying to remain nonchalant.

"You're too kind, Dungeon Master."

She said it in a teasing way, but Eddie found himself liking the nickname coming from her mouth a little too much.

When it was nearing the end of her break, Eddie walked (Y/N) back to Scoops. Steve was on the cash with a line up almost to the door.

"Shit, I should go help him," (Y/N) said. "Thanks for having lunch with me today. Don't forget to let me know about your next campaign."

"Wouldn't dream of it, sweetheart."

(Y/N) paused at the name. "I like that. Keep calling me that."

Eddie smiled. "Will do."

He watched her rush into work before reluctantly leaving again. Mentally, he celebrated the small wins that he was seeming to have with (Y/N).

Meanwhile, (Y/N) was quick to help Steve fulfil the orders of the sudden crowd they had. Once they were most ways through and no one else was coming in, Steve asked, "How was your lunch date with Eddie?"

(Y/N) gave him a look. "It wasn't a date, Steve. It was just two friends getting lunch."

Steve paused to look at her. The realization that she was being serious hit him as hard as it had hit Robin days before.

When he was able to step away from the counter for a moment, he added a tick to the "You Suck" side of the board.

~~~~~~

The tallies on the "You Suck" side started to add up. Robin and Steve were almost impressed with how quickly (Y/N) was catching up to Steve's score in just a few weeks. They couldn't believe that she was so oblivious to the way Eddie felt about her. They couldn't tell if she didn't feel the same way, or if she just really could not see that Eddie was head over heels for her.

They started spending time together outside of the Starcourt Mall. The next time Eddie had come in while she was working, they exchanged phone numbers and started meeting up when (Y/N) was off. Usually they would go out somewhere or he would go to her place, too embarrassed to have her see the trailer that he lived in. But when she finally asked him at one point about where he lived and he confessed to her that he lived in the trailer park with his uncle, she insisted she wanted to see his place and meet Wayne. She didn't judge him in the slightest as she walked into the tiny, messy trailer, and when she left that night Wayne told him, "I like her. Don't fuck it up, boy."

But it was hard to fuck something up that wasn't really happening. Eddie didn't want to outright say anything to (Y/N) about how he felt in case she didn't feel the same way, but it was hard to gauge how she felt. She was so kind to him. She wanted to know more about him and never judged him for anything that he said or did. She even took interest in the things he liked, like DND and metal music, even when she said it wasn't something she liked. But, on the other hand, there was no clues from her that she liked him any more than a friend. Eddie didn't want to overthink things with her, but he felt like he was getting such whiplash from going back and forth on whether or not she liked him.

One night, when he knew she wasn't working, Eddie came to her house. He knocked at her door, like a gentleman, and smiled when she answered it.

"Hey Eds!" she said. "What's up?"

"I'm taking you on an adventure, sweetheart," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "An adventure, you say?"

"Nothing special, but there's this place I wanted to show you. I promise I'm not taking you to my serial killer spot, though."

She laughed. "Damn, that's too bad. A serial killer spot sounds fun."

(Y/N) called over her shoulder to her parents that she was going out with Eddie before following him to his van.

The ride wasn't terribly long, but once they went off road onto a dirt path it got very bumpy. (Y/N) held onto the door and laughed with every jostle of the van. They came to a clearing in a field that Eddie had found some time ago. He parked the van and turned to look at (Y/N).

"Are you sure this isn't a serial killer spot?" she asked.

He chuckled and nodded towards the back of the van before getting out. (Y/N) turned to see that Eddie had thrown some blankets and pillows into the back of his van. When he opened the back doors, (Y/N) noticed that, this far away from town and with the lights of Eddie's van off, the stars were perfectly clear in the sky.

"Whoa," she marveled.

"Beautiful, huh?" Eddie asked. "I come out here whenever I wanna be alone and have a smoke without Wayne getting on my case about it. I thought...well, I wanted to share it with you."

Eddie climbed into the back of the van and gestured for (Y/N) to follow. She climbed between the seats and sat next to Eddie. He arranged the blankets and pillows around them so that they had some cushioning underneath them. (Y/N) leaned into Eddie, watching the sky with wide eyes. She didn't notice that he was looking at her, a small smile on his face.

"I don't think I've ever really looked at the stars like this," she admitted. "I feel like it's one of those things you take for granted. You don't really focus on how beautiful the sky can be."

"I didn't used to either, but after I found this place I started coming out to appreciate them more."

She turned her head to look at him. "Would you bring me out here to see them more often?"

"If you want me to." She nodded her head vigorously. Eddie chuckled. "Okay, then I'll keep bringing you out then."

And then, in that moment, with her looking at him and the beautiful night sky as a backdrop, Eddie took his chance. He leaned forward and kissed (Y/N). His hand came up to gently cup her cheek at the same time her hand moved to the back of his neck. Her response was a shock to both of them, but Eddie wasn't about to cut this moment short.

(Y/N) ended up pulling away first. She rested her forehead against his and looked into his big, brown eyes.

"Sorry," he said, softly.

She giggled. "Why?"

"I don't know. I feel like maybe I should've asked before I kissed you."

"I liked the spontaneity of it."

"Well, in that case."

(Y/N) giggled again as Eddie leaned in to kiss her again. They ended up tumbling back onto the blankets underneath them, but didn't break the kiss as they went.

"Wait," (Y/N) said. "Wait, you actually did like me this entire time?"

"You didn't know?" She shook her head. "Oh my God. All this time, I just thought you didn't like me back."

"I just thought we were friends!"

"Well, we were, but I had a crush on you!"

She put her hands over her face. "Oh my, God! I'm an idiot!"

Eddie chuckled and lowered her hands from her face. "You're not an idiot. Maybe just a little oblivious, but in the cutest way possible."

"I didn't know oblivious could be cute."

"Everything you do is cute."

His words made (Y/N) want to float into the air, all the way to cloud nine. She cupped his face and started kissing him again. They couldn't get enough of kissing one another.

The next time (Y/N) went to Scoops, Robin finally got to add a tally to the "You Rule" side of the board.

[goldsbitch]

That second flight

part 4 to That one Christmas flight

summary: What happens when people stop lying to themselves? Sometimes, you get a good night out of it.

warnings: cheesy af, swear words and alcohoI guess, cliche probably, typos most definitely

Do not fuck it up, do not fuck it up, do not fuck this up.

Hey you? What kind of a message even is that? Ugh. She ruined it. Now she will have to move away and start her life again.

The weather forecast predicted high levels of overreacting for today.

He must have liked the cool girl vibe she somehow gave of on the plane. Y/N prayed for the gods of cool vibes to bless her again.

Lando was just about to start an interview for Sky Sports when he received her message. He imagined this was how it felt to win a podium. On the top of the world. He gave an absolutely charismatic, energetic and funny interview. One that would surely create lots of gifs on the socials. PR manager even high-fived him when they finished. To be honest, he could not wait for a moment of solitude so that he could reply.

"hey" he started. "so I broke the rule, ups" Her reply came instantly.

"I've noticed. But then again, you radiate speeding tickets vibe from miles away. So no surprise."

He smiled, well aware of how efficient the Italian ticketing was running.

"paid one last week, so you got me there" "so, how's your cool student life going?"

"Trying gain some wisdom, as people just feel free to call me dumb on social media these days."

"compliments come in a variety of forms, don't discriminate"

From now on, there was no way back.

//

The next few days consisted of constant texting. Joking around, sending pictures capturing their daily life - both of them keeping in secret that lots of the information shared was nothing new. They were careful, somewhat distancing themselves from any real deep topics. But, days felt like blur, waiting for the next text to come and somehow managing to live the real life in between that. Y/N stayed in most evenings, almost making her friends concerned.

It did not take long enough for famously patient Lando to getting sick of it. They had a week between the next three week round of races. It was now or never. He missed one chance by being mr. mysterious, so mr. direct it was now.

"so, lady. what are you doing this weekend?" he asked out of the blue.

"I dunno. Probably studying, I guess."

"well, you're smart enough, you can skip that. let's meet up."

Y/N pretended to herself that she was second guessing. She headed out, to the bar where her friends were hanging out before they planned on heading to some faculty party. She felt joining them suddenly. Sat quietly, listening to their usual chit chat. Her charade lasted about seven minutes.

"Yes. Let's." she texted and threw her phone deep down to her bag. She was nervous, heart racing and mind quite not catching up yet.

"I need to tell you guys something," she interrupted them and almost demanded immediate attention. Questioning looks followed. "Uh, so I met this guy on a plane. And I'm gonna see him again this weekend."

Saying it like that, she realized that it was all kind of real and that she probably could not explain it in words how bizzare it all felt.

"Aw, that's cute! Tell us more!" Teresa clapped excitedly, the whole weird vibe surrounding her friend making more sense now.

Y/N expected her friends to be more shocked. "Um, yeah. It's just this guy. I don't really know how it's gonna happen, but yeah."

"Is he coming here? Can we meet him?"

Y/N kept the information that they already did to herself. Just in case she is left stranded alone and disappointed.

"I don't...I don't know actually. Yeah."

"We will do as we always do - sharing location and staying by if needed, honey."

Y/N missed a text notification. "great. i'll fly you out to somewhere where we can be alone, not to sound too creepy."

//

She landed an hour after him. Lando sent a picture of him waiting at the airport cafe.

He booked the best hotel room he could find. Well, technically he booked two rooms. Just in case she wanted to keep her distance or if by any chance he fucked up so royally, that she would refuse to share space with him. At least, he could walk away from this like a gentleman.

Since she last him, she forgot just how hot this guy was in person. Seeing him, sitting casually sipping coffee and glued to him phone, she took a moment to study him. It was as if he was tailored specifically to her taste. His clothes covering his godlike body, not too muscular but enough for the sight of his arms sending her to different dimension. The origin of her audacity she had to be the first one to talk to him on the plane was unknown to her. There was no more panic left in her body, as she had done nothing but panicking the whole flight.

She walked and sat opposite to him.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey yourself," she replied. There was a moment of awkward silence. Turns out there was a bit of panic left in Y/N after all. Last week she though she'd never see this guy. And now she was staring in his eyes.

"Do you want some coffee?," he asked innocently. He looked her up and down, excited to see her. All of his worries he refused to acknowledge were gone. After all, she got up and flew here just to hang out with him. The reality of this filled him with confidence.

"Yes. A small tiny espresso with no milk."

"Great. Let's grab that and hit the road."

Lando's car might have as well run on butterflies alone present in his vehicle. There was absolutely no way for him to drive some random rental car, so he called up McLaren people to provide him one for the night. It came up in the same conversation when he requested personal time off. Both things came to a certain level of surprise, as he had never done this before. Y/N knew she had to work on a group project for one of her minor classes. Just like him, she had done something she would not have dared - and completely ghosted her group for this weekend.

"You look nice, btw," he commented casually.

"Well yeah, when you're not on an overnight flight across half of the world wearing airport attire, it makes thing easier."

"Hm, I would say sweatpants have some magic to them."

It was hard for Y/N to get the image of him out of her head.

"So, where is my lovely kidnapper taking me?"

They discussed prior to this that the vibe they would like out of this was a casual dinner and then finding the shittiest club possible and have some fun, trying to remain as private as possible yet within the vicinity of the small Italian city.

"My assistant found this lovely little place in the centre. Don't get mad, but I had him completely book it out. You know, the privacy thing," he said with more insecurity than one would expect.

Y/N picked up on that and tried to lighten up the mood. It seemed a bit excessive to do that, but he probably knew what he was doing.

"Your assistant," she gagged over dramatically. "Jesus, am I not worth enough for you to google on your own? Mr. Busy man. Was he also the one who found me online them?" she joked?

"I'm sure I'd have to hire a special person to that if I planned on outsourcing it."

"Creep."

"You love it."

And she did.

He parked in front of the restaurant, without a care for the world.

"So you're telling me we're making a big deal about keeping a secret that you're here, yet you decide to park like a proper asshole?" she remarked while he opened the door for her. Jokes were making her focus on something else than the fact she was falling for him too hard.

"Oh, you're going absolutely hate my plan," he laughed as they were entering the full on empty restaurant.

"Wow, look at that. I invited all my friends!" he whispered to her ear before addressing the owner.

"Hello, you must be Dario?"

This Dario person smiled brightly at him. "Ah, mister Papaya!" Lando nodded and Y/N rolled her eyes. Dario then started speaking Italian without a care of the world. Language wise deaf Lando did not count for the fact people just did not speak English in this part of Italy. A tiny crack in his plan. What was he suppose to do, call Carlos? But, Y/N having spend a good year or two studying there was there to ease the situation. She whipped out her B1 Italian and greeted the man. Dario's happiness filled up the room.

He seated them and immediately brought local red wine and giving a long talk about where this wine was from and how his grandma used to pick up the grapes herself and how the notes did this and that. Y/N tried to translate at the beginning, but Dario looked like was ready to give a TED talk. She started to loose the grasp of the story, which Lando observed. And like good gentleman he helped her out. No, of course not, when he saw her getting lost, he put on a super interested face and asked about seven follow up questions. Y/N was super annoyed. The kind of annoyed that creates a smile on your face.

When this showdown finally ended, Y/N nearly gulped the wine down. "So rude, Dario just said, you're suppose to sit it and let it roll," said Lando and with too much affect sipped his wine. "Aah," he took a deep breath and the bit his tongue. Y/N stuck her tongue out completely like a five year old child. "Yes, I can your red tongue, that's also one of the reasons why you sip it."

They sat, talked and laughed. He seemed genuinely interested when she blabbed a little bit too long about her latest projects. And then he asked her for a feedback on his latest merch, which by sheer coincidence included lots of photos of him. It was hard to admit how much he enjoyed the idea of her looking at him.

"So, um. I'm not sure I understood Dario correctly. But it looks like he insists on getting us the local speciality," she said hesistantly.

"Well, only if his grandma would approve. But why is this strange look on your face?"

"I must have gotten it wrong. Because burnt pasta just sounds wrong. If I wanted that, I could have stayed and have my roommate cook for us."

"Hm, that is an interesting idea." Lando pretended he did not know her roommate's name.

Once Darion brought out the burnt pasta, the couple had a hard time not to laugh.

"When in Rome...well not in Rome, but you get the idea."

"Why is this good?" Y/N proclaimed with her mouth full to the limit.

Lando laughed. "Ah, we have a lady at the table, I see. I mean yeah, I am not supposed to be having pasta now, but this is so weirdly good."

They finished their strange pasta and the bottle of wine. Said goodbye to Dario, Y/N tried not to think on how much it cost to close a restaurant down.

"Wait, what are we going to do about the car? We can't drive now."

"Not to sound like a complete asshole, but I'd like we remove the WE from any sentence including driving now at the beginning, if that is ok. And like I said at the beginning, you're gonna hate this."

"Go on, Lando boy. Tell me."

"Yeah, the car was provided by my employer. And they really need me, so I'm just going to leave the car here to get towed and inform them later."

"Jesus, why!"

"Well, I figured we'll get a taxi in the morning. I want to enjoy all the time I have with you. Dealing with the car is not on the menu today."

There was nothing for Y/N to reply. She was having too much fun to be thinking.

They found what seemed to be the shittiest bar playing 80's and 90's songs, weirdly colored lights swinging out of the rhythm and with people there consisting of old papas and few probably underaged kids. They brought their own wine bottle from Dario, Lando paid 100 euro for two glasses and for the bartender leaving them alone. It did not take long for Y/N to break out to the dance floor. Lando watched her clumsy yet somehow elegant moves for a moment, before he joined her. They danced, as if they were the only people there, laughing and completely ignoring the looks they were getting. And to the tones of remix of Brother Louis, they kissed again. And this time, they kept kissing until late hours, hand roaming around each other, as if they were two teenagers making out for the first time.

part 5

__________________________________________________

Tagged all those who like to suffer: @prudyhoo @anuksunamon @sagestack @esquerkaren @ushygushybaby @ilove-tswizzle @thehufflepuffavenger1  @superlegend216 @mehrmonga @lovely-blackinnon @mylifeihate1029 @lausdigitaldiary @tswizzleismother

[thatsmzbitchtoyou]

Marriage of Convenience Chapter 1

Summary:  Y/N’s father is gone, and he leaves it all to her.  But in 1880s Oregon, she can’t own land without a husband.  Under the threat of it all being taken away by a land hungry Sheriff, what’s a girl to do with no prospects?  Maybe one of the cowboys on the farm can help…

Here's chapter 1 of the new cowboy!Bucky story! I hope y'all like it (see what I did there?).

Warnings: smut, slight physical violence

Next chapter

Her father died on a rainy Tuesday morning.  She was suddenly alone in the world, the last of her family line.  Well, not completely alone.  There were 9 men on the farm that worked for her father, and now worked for her.  The problem was that this was 1880 in the state of Oregon, and therefore her inheriting and owning the land and being able to pay the men was now up for question.

After they buried him under his favorite Juniper tree amongst the others that lined their property, they all gathered together for a family meeting.

“Mis amores (my loves), thank you for your help today in Papa’s burial,” Y/N began, standing at the head of the long dining table in the main house.  The men were stationed in their usual spots, each of them in a state of sadness over the loss.  “I’d like to read his will, if you’ll let me,” she sighed, opening the folded piece of parchment.  

“Mi familia, thank you for all you have done to make this farm a livable and prosperous place on this side of the country.  I’m not a man of many words,” a rumble of laughter spread across the table, “so I won’t waste everyone’s time.  To my daughter, Y/N, I leave most of my money, the land and the main house to do with as she pleases,” Y/N sniffled as she tried to not let herself cry anymore.  One of the men, Bucky, sitting next to her, reached his hand out and rubbed her arm in comfort.  “To Bucky,” she gave him a quick smile and a glance, “I leave my most prized guns.  Y/N knows where they are.  Please keep the farm and my baby safe as you always have,” Bucky squeezed her arm.  “To Jorge, Pedro, and Oscar, I leave my horses Beauty, Wind Dixie and Tramp to do with as they please.  To Joaquin, I leave my Bible and my best hunting knife.  To Diego, Santiago, and Emiliano, I leave the oat field further down south as well as the pear tree farm so that they can have land to bring their family to from Guadalajara.”  The three brothers burst into tears at the generous gift, giving each other hugs then standing and giving Y/N hugs as well before sitting back down.  “To Luis,” Y/N paused as she held her hand out to the man who was like a second father to her on her other side, which he quickly took.  “I leave my cigars and my finest liquor, and thank him for introducing me to tequila all those years ago.  I also leave a collection of my books that have been sectioned off for you in the study.  I hope as Y/N teaches you how to read more that you will find great education and adventure in them.  For all the men, I have created stipend accounts in each of your names with the rest of my money.  You are free to empty them and leave, but I hope you will keep them and stay to help Y/N with the farm or at least until she can replace you.  The account should last you for most of the rest of your lives.  Thank you for your service, for your kindness, for your grace, for your compassion and your love to me and Y/N.  You are greatly loved and I will miss you all dearly.  Yours, Frank.”

Y/N didn’t read the next page out loud because it was just for her to read, which she had done earlier in private, and sat down as she finished reading.  She felt exhausted.  “I understand that in Oregon I do not actually have ownership over my father’s money, land, or the house unless I am married.  Therefore, I am asking something of you all that is wildly strange, but since I have no prospects, I am at a loss.  Would anyone of you, of course for the exception of those married or leaving for Mexico,” she winked at the brothers, “be willing to marry me?”

The men all stared at her with wide eyes.  

“Mija, you can’t be serious?” Luis scoffed.

“I’m deadly serious, Luis,” Y/N said.  “Unless I marry quickly, the local authorities will come down and take it all.  I’ve already been threatened by Sheriff Pierce.”

“What?  When did this happen?” Bucky piped up, his eyebrows furrowing.

“A few weeks ago, when Papa’s health declined suddenly and I went to get the doctor in town,” she sighed, remembering that horrible day.  “He made it very clear where he stands with women having rights around here and how he would love to take this land for his own.  He implied he would force me to marry him or lose everything,” she shuddered.

All the men suddenly were in a ruckus, yelling and swearing about the sheriff and inheritances and the law.  Bucky sat quietly as he thought over the situation, then watched Y/N carefully.  She let the others have their moment of upset.  She sat rigid in her chair, the picture of poise and propriety, the opposite of how she normally would be.  Obviously the entire predicament she found herself in was weighing heavily on her and she didn’t know how else to handle it than to put on a brave face and act like the lady her father always chastised her about being, rather than the farmer she turned out to be.

“Callate!” Luis suddenly yelled, overpowering the others.  They all quickly sat and calmed down.  “Y/N,” he turned to her.  He reached for her hand again, which she gladly gave.  “Are you sure there are no other options?  Anything in the law that could help?”

“I have no options,” Y/N said drearily, her eyes blinking rapidly so as not to let anymore tears fall.  “I am a woman.  What I want doesn’t matter.”

Luis held her hand in both of his, his sad eyes staring at their conjoined hands and nodding his head in understanding.  There were a few moments of silence and then…

“I’ll do it,” Bucky spoke.  Y/N’s head whipped back to him, her eyes wide and her mouth dropping open slightly.  “I’ll do it,” he leaned forward as he looked at her.  “I promised your father to always keep you and this land safe, so that’s what I’ll do.  We’ve all worked too hard and come too far to lose it all now,” the men all agreed.  “And you deserve a better marriage than to an old, awful man like Pierce,” he added.  “I can’t say I’m the perfect man by any means,” Bucky held his hand out to take her other hand, “but I will try to be the best husband, partner, and friend that I can be.”

Y/N’s eyes welled up with tears again, this time she let them fall as she squeezed his hand.  “Thank you,” she whispered.

“This is strange, but I think it’s the best option we have,” Luis agreed, making the others agree as well. 

Y/N grinned, freeing her hands from Luis and Bucky’s grasps to wipe her eyes.  “It’s settled then.  Bucky, we will go into town tomorrow and get that done and make sure everything is in your name before Pierce finds out Papa has passed,” Bucky nodded.  “As for the rest of you, let’s divide up your inheritances.”

As the day wore on and each man got his gift all that was left was Bucky.  He had been patrolling the perimeter as he normally did, helping with the animals when needed, and upon hearing the bell rode back in for dinner.  Y/N had laid out a spread for the men, a glass of her father’s favorite whiskey at each place setting in his honor.  When they had sat, said grace, and began to eat Y/N had let Bucky finish before pulling him aside.

She led him to her father’s study and closed the door behind them then walked to the wall that had his guns displayed.  “Buck,” she motioned to him to join her.  He walked to the wall, admiring all the different kinds of rifles and handguns he had.  “He wanted you to have these,” she gestured towards the rack along the left side of the display.

“All of these?” he asked incredulously.  “What am I gonna do with this many?”

Y/N laughed, “I don’t know.  Collect them, sell them, I don’t really care.  But he did want you to have something else of a more personal nature,” she walked over to one of the bookshelves, her fingers running along a stack until she found the title she wanted.  She pulled it off the shelf and brought it back to him.  Bucky eyed the book, not recognizing the title.  Y/N opened it, and he saw that it was actually a box made to look like a book to keep treasures safe.  Inside was a woman’s wedding ring, a man’s wedding band and a pocket watch.

“The second page of the will was mostly for me, with a few extra pieces for you,” she said quietly.  “These were my mother’s and father’s rings,” she explained.  “In the will he said how he always considered you to be the son he never got to have.”

Bucky felt a lump in his throat form at her words, his eyes suddenly feeling hot with unshed tears.  He gulped to try and relieve the ache in his chest as he watched Y/N pull the pocket watch out.

“This is for you,” she handed it to him gingerly.  “It’s made of the finest silver and gold that could be found along the East coast at the time when he purchased it.  He wanted you to have it to do with as you please.  He also said that the man to marry me would have his ring, and I would have my mother’s.”  She pulled the man’s wedding band out and held it out to him.  “I know that this is a marriage of convenience, that we may love each other in a sense, but that falling in love may take some time.  I just hope that we can create a happy marriage and maybe someday a happy family together, and work together to keep this land and our familia together as well.”

Bucky smiled softly at her.  You silly woman, he thought.  He had been in love with her for years at this point, almost from the moment he’d first set foot on the farm when her father first hired him as security.  He was a little bit older than her, so he just assumed anything like that would never happen.  But being out in these Oregon forests and farmlands far away from other towns made it hard to find someone worthwhile to court or marry.  Now he had a chance to love her, though he’d still have to be patient for her to catch up to him and his feelings.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he said, taking the ring and trying it on his left ring finger.  “Ah, it fits,” he said gleefully.  

“Oh good, I was worried,” Y/N giggled as she admired the ring on his hand.

“You should try yours,” he suggested, reaching for the ring in the box.  She let him take it out then held out her left hand to him.  He slid the ring onto her ring finger easily.  “Perfect fit,” he smiled, watching her.  Y/N gazed at her mother’s ring on her finger, the diamond shining in the firelight.  “Beautiful,” he breathed.

Y/N smiled and then looked back at him.  “Thank you, Bucky, for agreeing to this.  I know I’m no great beauty but–”

“What?” he asked incredulously.  Y/N looked shocked at his outburst.  “You don’t think you’re beautiful?”

“Oh, well…” she sputtered, unsure of what to say.  “I mean, I’m not ugly, I just–”

“Y/N, you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid my eyes on,” Bucky said so seriously it made her heart flip.  “Don’t ever think of yourself as anything less.  Yes I agreed to marry you because it will help keep the farm in your family, and keep us employed, but I also did it because I think you’re amazing, beautiful, kind, determined, and if I ever got the privilege to be married I would want it to be with you.”  Y/N let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding at his admission.  “I am honored to be your husband, do you understand me?”

Y/N nodded, her shock still evident on her face.  “I understand.”

“Good,” Bucky said with finality.  

They stared at each other, both of them realizing just how close they’d gotten during the conversation.  Y/N cleared her throat and took a subtle step back.  “Well, um…thank you, again,” she mumbled.  “I’m not very good with my words, but I hope you know that if I have to get married, I’m happy that it’s with you.”

Bucky smirked at her awkwardness.  “Well, I guess I’d better head out then.  Gotta get some sleep, it’s my wedding day tomorrow,” he said wryly.

Y/N snorted at his tone.  “Yes, I suppose I should get some rest as well.  It just so happens to be my wedding day tomorrow.”

Bucky hummed, deciding to try his luck and taking a step towards her.  “Does the groom-to-be get to have a goodnight kiss?”  

Y/N gave him a wide-eyed look as she fought a smile on her lips.  “Isn’t there some kind of bad luck for doing things with the bride-to-be the night before her wedding?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” he stepped closer, making her back up against the desk.

Y/N craned her neck as she stared up at him.  “I’ve never, um…kissed anyone before,” she breathed.

“That’s okay, sweetheart,” Bucky leaned his face closer, nuzzling his nose against her nose.

“Sweetheart?” Y/N questioned him, her hands catching herself against the desk before she lost her balance.

“Can I kiss you…sweetheart?” Bucky ghosted his nose along her cheek.  “Just to hold me over til tomorrow?”

Y/N huffed a laugh against his cheek.  “O-okay,” she stuttered.

Bucky smirked at her again, her nervousness making him feel a strange sense of excitement.  His lips skimmed her cheek until he hovered over her mouth.  Y/N’s eyes were darting from his lips to his eyes and back, her breathing becoming heavier.  Bucky finally pressed his lips against hers gently.  He didn’t push for anything further, keeping his hands to himself, just enjoying the moment that he finally got to do what he had always wanted to do with her.  Y/N’s eyes fluttered shut when his lips met hers, her lips moving softly against his after a moment of her freezing in place.  Bucky pulled away first, still hovering close to her face as her eyes slowly opened.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” he whispered, giving her nose a quick peck before he backed away.

Y/N was still holding herself up against the desk, staring at him in disbelief.  “Goodnight, Bucky.”

Bucky smirked at her again then nodded his head as he walked away and out of the study.  He had to get the horses prepped and the wagon ready for tomorrow, then get washed up.  It was his wedding day, after all.

**picture is from Pinterest, A.I. generated, so no known "artist" or "creator"**

[dadyscumslutprincess20]

Happy Holidays!!!

Can I request a Hyun su smut? One where it's winter at the Green Homes, and since they can't tell what day it is, everyone decides that it's Christmas coming up. And since none of them can leave, y/n decides to get Hyun su a present. Herself.

Hope you and everyone else has a Merry Christmas if they celebrate! And a happy new year!!

Cha Hyun su x Fem ! Reader

(Merry Christmas 🎁)

Genre : Smut

Warning ⚠️: Vaginal sex , name calling

It’s been a while since the apocalypse started as time went by , weeks maybe months you didn’t really know for sure but there was one thing the survivors of Green Home did know , it was around winter time

As there was small snake flakes that fell from the sky causing the two small children to become found of the small flakes that fell from the sky and since it was now winter and no one knew what time of day or year it was anymore , the remaining residents decided that it was soon to be Christmas as they had Hyun su search for any Christmas lights on any mission he had

After decorating the small slewing area , the small kitchen and the area that Hyun su was kept as you all made a small corner in the main entrance hallway for any presents they could find since you didn’t have wrapper you all used random shirts , towels , ballets or anything that wasn’t used to wrap up your gifts

You all agreed that Christmas would be in three more days as you didn’t know what to get Hyun su , You’ve been dating Hyun su for a while before the apocalypse had started , resulting in you both moving in to green home together as you enjoyed every moment of it

Letting out a annoyed groan as you used your hands to cover your face for a few seconds before letting them drop to your lap , you didn’t know what to get or find him , anything you did come across you thought was just a piece or crap or wasn’t good enough for Hyun su

After a few more minutes of thinking your lips slowly growing into a grin as one thing came to mind… you , you and Hyun Su haven’t had sex since the whole outbreak which made you annoyed every time you thought about it soon resulting in you not thinking about at all .. there was some occasions like when Eun yu would try to flirt with him in front of you like you weren’t there which pissed you off at times

The last time you actually could remember your insides being pounded by Hyun su is when you kept begging him for a baby causing him to blush every time the subject was brought up .. until one day he gave in

Days after the outbreak start causing both you and Hyun su to forget about having a baby together as you were more worried about protecting each other and staying alive

“Fuck it” reader says loud enough for only her to hear as she quickly stands to her feet heading down the hall towards the sleeping area as she grabs her book bag quickly heading out the room down the hall towards the room Hyun su was kept in

Opening the door to the room as you quickly close it behind you , you had enough time since he was doing a mission upstairs and he would be gone for a while

Unzipping the book bag as you let out a small sigh with a smile on your face, luckily you asked Ji-su to put in a small request for the things you need as Hyun su had to bring it down , taking out the dried rose peaks as you carefully drop a few over the floor before heading towards Hyun Su’s bed scattering the last bit of petals over the bed

After you finished putting down the rose petals , taking off your shoes as you start to slowly strip down to your panties as you took of your bra along with the rest of you clothes , slowly climb on the bed as you wait for Hyun su and that’s how you ended up here , on top of a naked Hyun su his Braden coke deep inside your gummy wall

Feeling Hyun su cock twitch inside your pussy as you knew he was close , you were a caught up in how good Hyun su felt inside you that you didn’t notice his eyes turn pitch black as he looks at you with a evil grin before braking his hands free within seconds grabbing a hold of your hips with both his hands as he held a tight grip

Eyes snapping open as you look down at Hyun su eyes becoming wide as he soon using his hands to slam your dripping pussy in his cock with force as you let out a loud moan of pleasure causing you to almost fall off your toes if it wasn’t for Hyun su’s strong hold

“ Do you really think she could make us feel this good mommy” Hyun su says in a deep tone as he lets out groans with every word eyes never leaving your naked body as they scan over you huge breast down to your dripping cunt that tighten around his coke with every thrust

“Hell, He still wants a baby with you.. why do you think we care for that whore when we have you” Hyun su says before letting out a loud groan as he felt his self close to cumming inside of you as Hyun su slams your body down causing a knot to form in the pit of your stomach back arching slightly as you keep your self on your toes Turing to keep up with Hyun su

After a few more bounces on Hyun su harden cock your feel the knot in your stomach finally snap as you let out a loud moan eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel your juices leak over Hyun su lower stomach as it dropped down on his big heavy balls

Letting out a groan as he keeps a hold of your hips using his strength to turn you over now on your back as he continues to pound in your now sensitive pussy as you wrap your arms around his neck

Feeling as he thrust start to become more sloppy then before as you look in his black eyes , back arching off the bed from the violent thrust as you feel him also why pulling away causing your to wrap your legs around his hips pulling him closer as you keep Hyun su locked in place

“D-Don’t.. S-Stay” reader tried to moan out as you feel another knot forming in your stomach causing your breathe to be caught in your throat as you feel Hyun su cum deep inside your womb causing your toes to curl as you feel the knot snap in your stomach once again as you came over Hyun su once more

Waiting as you catch your breath before Hyun su slowly pulls his soaked cock out of your drops ling pussy as he lays beside you eyes now back to their original color as he runs his wrist since it was now a bruise from his hands being tied

“I love you..” a Hyun su says in a whisper as he turns to wrap his arm around you pulling your naked body close to his before falling asleep on your exposed boobs as you son fall asleep with him in your arms with a small smile on your face

[msmoony7]

New Beginnings

Summary: Y/N transfers to Hogwarts from Ilvermorny and finds herself intrigued by the quiet, sandy haired boy Remus Lupin.

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Fem!Reader, reader not in a specific house

Word Count: 1.4 K

Genre: fluff

Warnings: none

masterlist

You wake up in your bed to the sun shining and the birds chirping through your opened windows. You arrived late last night to Hogwarts and slept in a little later than you had liked; It was nearly lunch time. Classes are starting tomorrow, so you are planning to explore the castle a little before then to get used to your new surroundings. Transferring schools in your 5th year was difficult, so you were hoping to make the adjustment as easy as possible for yourself.

Since there are no classes today, you’re free to dress however you like. You opt for a pair of light blue jeans, black converse, and a blue sweater with some vertical stripes over your chest. You sit at your desk and do your usual makeup and hair routines before unpacking the rest of your things. First you unpack your records and record player. You put on your favorite album - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars by David Bowie - while you finish unpacking. You got lucky and your dorm has a big bay window with a built-in seat with cushions and large bookshelves built into the wall around it, which is great for you due to your love of reading and insane collection of books. Your bed is in the middle of the room with a huge bed frame and blue curtains draping from the top. After you are all unpacked, you decide to make your way down to the Great Hall for lunch. 

You only have to stop and ask 6 kids along the way if you were going in the right direction. The ever-changing staircases made for a confusing walk there. But finally, you make it down the last set of steps and can see the Great Hall in the near distance. You’re about to turn into the hall when you stop in your tracks as you hear a great boom in the hall followed by smoke and yelling. You see a guy with long jet-black hair run past you first with a glasses wearing brunette on his trail, followed by a shorter boy with blonde hair.

“Come on, Moony, we’re gonna get caught!” you hear the first boy yell. You’re about to turn around to walk into the Hall and see what’s going on but before you could do so, you hear an “oh, shit” and as you turn fully around, are knocked to the floor by someone running full speed out of the hall. You hit the ground and lock eyes with a sandy haired boy who's laying fully on top of you. You’re staring at each other for a solid five seconds before the blonde boy yells at him. 

“Moony, hurry up! Snape’s coming!”

Moony, who you gather to be the boy currently laying on you, quickly helps you up, mutters a quick “sorry” and runs up the stairs to follow the other three boys. You can hear them muttering and making fun of him for falling onto you as they’re running away, and you see “Moony” trip again before all four boys disappear up the steps. Just as they disappear, a raven-haired boy with smoke and powder all over him storms out of the hall and up the steps. You make out that he must be Snape and that the explosion was definitely caused by those boys. 

You finally gather yourself and you see three girls standing by the doorway who must’ve watched everything go down. 

“Quite a tumble you took there. That’s Moony, he’s a klutz,” says a girl with dark, curly hair and a darker complexion, “My name’s Mary. Are you new here?”

“Yeah, my name’s Y/N, I just got here last night.

“Ahhh you’re American! I’m Marlene,” the second girl speaks up. She has blonde hair and a really cool vibe to her. 

“You can come eat with us, if you’d like. I’m Lily, by the way,” says the final red headed girl.

The four of you walk into the hall and you cannot contain your amazement at what you’re met with. The ceiling is the highest ceiling you’ve ever seen, and it’s enchanted to look like the sky. Unlike your old school, which had tables divided by the houses, this hall had numerous smaller rectangular tables so that you could sit with whomever you liked. The four of you grab a table and start eating your meal.

“Those boys are the biggest troublemakers in the school,” Mary says, “Always pulling pranks.”

“Yeah, we still love them though,” Lily replies.

“You more than others,” Marlene says to her as she nudges and winks at her.

Lily blushes in response, “James, the one wearing glasses, yeah, he’s my boyfriend. A real sweetheart. Unless you’re Severus, of course.”

“I take it that’s the boy that had all the smoke on him?”

“Yep, you’d be correct. The boys tend to overreact, but he really isn't a nice person. Steer clear of him,” Mary says.

“Noted. So, that guy, Moony, what’s up with him?”

“Ooooo, Y/N’s got a crush already?” Marlene snickers towards you, making you blush.

“Not a crush, but from our five second interaction, I think he’s pretty cute.”

“You should go for it,” Marlene says, “In all our years at Hogwarts, I don’t think I’ve seen him talk to girls that weren’t us for more than a minute. I’d say you have high odds.”

“Oh, I can’t do that. I’m too shy,” you contest.

“Well, that’s perfect! He’s pretty shy himself. What do you do in your free time?” Lily asks.

You list some of your hobbies for the girls, including reading, writing, and music.

“Well, aren’t you the perfect girl for him. He loves all those things. Tell me you like Bowie,” Mary says. You say nothing in response, shocked that they can read you so well, which causes the girls to yell. “You ARE the perfect girl for him. Come we’ll show you around the castle and then we’re sending you off to him.”

Before you can fight them on this, they’re pulling you around the castle showing you every nook and cranny. You’re grateful for this; You wouldn’t have been able to find your way around otherwise. They show you all the classrooms, take you on a tour of the grounds outside, up all the towers, and finally, you end the tour at the library.

“This is the library,” Lily says, “Since you like to read, I’m sure you’ll spend so much time here. Lucky for you, this is Moony’s favorite place! And if my calculations are correct, he should be in there right now. C’mon, let’s go find him!”

Lily is dragging you inside, and she’s a lot stronger than she looks. They drag you to the far back corner of the library in a hidden nook, revealing the sandy haired boy from before sitting on a couch, nose deep in a book. He doesn’t hear you guys approaching at first and once you guys are a few feet away from him, he pulls his head out of his book and looks up. He immediately locks eyes with you, causing both of you to blush. 

“Gotta go, bye!” Marlene says as she pulls Lily and Mary away from you, leaving you alone with the boy. The two of you still staring at each other, not knowing what to say. 

“Hi,” you say breathlessly.

“Hi,” he says back.

[perfectlyoongi]

THE NUMBERS BETWEEN US

ㅤ↬┊synopsis ... you had a little habit that had been with you since you were little: you loved to count, everything. but when yoongi went to visit his future university and left you alone in the city, this little habit became more addictive.

ㅤ⚘.fandom ... bts. ㅤㅤಇ.ft. ... yoongi x gn!reader. ㅤ⚘.genre ... long-shot. ㅤㅤಇ.content ... fluff, pre-college!au, kinda ocd reader, shy best friends with feelings. ㅤㅤಇ.word count ... 4.2k. ㅤ⚘.cole's note ... dont ask how and why i thought of this, i dont have an answer for u lol i hope u like it tho ♡

You had a little fascination with numbers.

Since you were little, you felt involved in the tender and delicate lines of numbers, finding a little pleasure in counting everything that surrounded you, everything you did, everything you said.

Your life was a routine that revolved around infinite numbers. It was all you knew and it was all you needed. Every day you ate exactly four slices of apple and two cookies and drank a glass of milk; before leaving the house, you always gave your mother two kisses and, when you came home from school, you hugged your father for exactly three seconds. It was all a routine that had been created for a long time and that you couldn’t break.

Numbers have always been important to you, captivating you in the complexity of the vast numerical world since you were little, always leaving you enchanted by their magic.

However, as you grew up, you realized that a lifetime dedicated to numbers and routines was quite complicated – and painful.

Your first heartbreak was when you turned eleven: the typical hug and three seconds with your father had turned into a bitter touching of arms that couldn’t even reach the first second. It was a small disappointment, your first, but it was the only one you needed to start seeing the world in a different way. Maybe numbers aren’t that important after all.

So, even before you entered high school, you had already stopped counting how many steps you took to school, how many minutes you remained silent in class, how many ‘kids’ your teacher said. You believed that now, free from your habit, you could have a normal life, a life that would expand with your enrollment at the university.

However, in your first year of high school, you met Min Yoongi.

In a room full of students, the probability of you pairing up with the new student was a little low, but, perhaps due to your numerical history, the odds were in your favor and, in an English class, you and Min Yoongi met for the first time.

Yoongi’s cordiality invited you to get to know him better. Amid study sessions, a friendship between you began to slowly germinate; your English work was finished almost immediately, but that didn’t stop Yoongi from continuing to send you messages through texts – he always felt more comfortable behind a screen.

The complicity that was created between you and Yoongi was something unusual for you, something you didn’t know how to deal with. In a certain way, you felt that the seed planted by Yoongi in the middle of notebooks and books was taking root in your heart, branches of comfort and security drawing an extensive tree of friendship within you.

In the space of two months, you and Yoongi became inseparable.

But, no matter how much comfort Yoongi provided you, no matter how much warmth Yoongi fed your heart, Yoongi also brought with him a kind of anxiety, a nervousness that forced you to return to that annoying habit of counting – you couldn’t understand why.

And everything went back to numbers.

And everything went back to being a routine.

Every day it took you exactly eleven minutes and four seconds to get to school. Every day you always waited three minutes for Yoongi to appear and offer you two simple words that, in a way, brightened your day. Every day you spent five classes writing exactly thirty lines of notes using just a pen. Every day you had exactly an hour and a half for lunch, which was always shared with Yoongi. Every day, at the end of classes, you always waited five minutes for Yoongi to meet you at the school gate and walk the eleven minutes and four seconds with you to your house.

But, no matter how routine your life was, no matter how many days passed, your little habit brought by Yoongi began to irritate you: you felt like you had gone back in time and been that naive child – but it was stronger than you, you couldn’t help it.

Was there a way to break this habit?

The reality is that during the three years you shared with Yoongi in high school, your life had become a routine surrounded by numerical sequences that you repeated day after day after day after day aft–

No matter how much you thought, you couldn’t understand why Yoongi had such an impact on your life to the point that your heart raced exactly two seconds every time you were with him. This behavior of yours was strange to your heart and year after year it only got worse, reaching the point of confusing all the numbers in your mind.

You blamed Yoongi.

Your heart was unstable whenever Yoongi’s energy approached you. It was practically difficult for you to follow a logical thought because of Yoongi: so quickly your heart beat exactly sixty times a minute, and then it accelerated to a crazy ninety heartbeats.

All because Yoongi was, in reality, that person you always dreamed of.

And now, in the last year of high school, when universities were mentioned and futures were planned, everything seemed redundant, everything seemed meaningless.

“It doesn’t feel real.”

Yoongi’s words were embellished by an intense sunset, the vibrant colors in the sky guiding your path to your house.

“What doesn’t?”

“It’s our last year,” Yoongi had a sad smile on his lips, as if that thought alone carried with it all the negativity in the world. “High school.”

“Yea.”

You used the same smile as Yoongi and, after blinking your eyes twice, you tilted your head a little to watch the sky: among the vibrant colors of reds and oranges, you could make out small white clouds that were trying to create a shape, a story.

“It seems like it was yesterday that we met.”

Your words were covered with pure longing. As if carrying all the memories shared between you and Yoongi, your words caressing Yoongi’s lips, giving truth to that shy smile of his.

Two seconds passed and Yoongi’s smile expanded on its own.

Lost in his thoughts, Yoongi didn’t realize that he was now smiling widely, letting the warm air of the day kiss his lips, his brown eyes shining brightly.

“I’m grateful you’re in my life.”

Yoongi’s confession took exactly three seconds to settle in your heart and five seconds to be processed. Yoongi’s words repeated exactly three times inside your head and lit a single fire inside you.

He was grateful. Because you’re in his life. You.

“Your presence in my life,” every syllable uttered by Yoongi was bathed in longing, peppered with the memories of three long years filled with pure happiness and understanding, “made high school an experience worth living.”

Every word Yoongi released made small palpitations in your heart, your heartbeat becoming irregular when commanded by your best friend’s honesty.

“Having you with me brought me so many emotions, so many dreams, so many…”

“Dreams?”

You couldn’t control yourself. At that simple six-letter word your lips curved into a perfect smile full of curiosity and enthusiasm.

Yoongi told you everything.

There was an desirable complicity in your relationship.

It seemed natural, something that slept inside you and Yoongi and woke up only when the first words were exchanged. Yoongi swore it was timeless. Just two months of your friendship were enough for Yoongi to be sure that the complicity that existed between the two of you was too strong to be new. In other lives, Yoongi used to say, in other lives we shared memories and dreams. In other lives, you used to say, in other lives we had a lasting relationship. In other lives, however, in other lives you weren’t together. But Yoongi believed. You believed.

“What dreams?”

“None.” Yoongi took exactly two steps away from you and, after holding back a smile for exactly one second, he spoke again, his voice full of amusement. “No. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yoonie!” your best friend’s name sounded in laughter, your hands looking for Yoongi’s arm to hold him. “Tell me, what dreams?”

“None, no. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please!”

Your voice had dropped in timbre and, as you gently pronounced those six letters, Yoongi sighed.

Two blinks. A smile.

“I want to join the university basketball team.”

Yoongi’s secret was exposed. Painted with the fire of the sky, Yoongi’s secret flew gently into your ears, basking in your mind, racing your heart.

Ninety-two heartbeats.

Basketball. Yoongi dreamed of basketball. Yoongi dreamed. Basketball. Os course.

“And… I would like you… I would like you to come and watch me play.”

Ninety-seven heartbeats.

You. You were in Yoongi’s dream. Your presence. Your soul. You. In Yoongi’s dream.

You smiled.

“If you make the team, I promise I’ll watch your first game.”

“You don’t need to go. It’s just a dream.”

You could tell from Yoongi’s shy tone of voice that he was embarrassed by his confession, feeling exposed for having told a simple secret.

But it was Yoongi’s dream. It was Yoongi’s genuine and only dream. You. You. You.

“I promise.” your promise was joyful, sprinkled with the sundust that illuminated your conversation. “I want to cheer for you. I want to see you doing what you love most. I want to see my best friend happy.”

“But I’m already happy with you.”

One second. Ninety-four heartbeats.

Two seconds. One hundred heartbeats.

Three seconds. Happy with you. Yoongi was happy. With you. Yoongi was happy with you.

“I’m happy with you too.”

Two perfect smiles. Two genuine smiles. Two silent seconds.

You and Yoongi looked at each other, letting the intense shine in your eyes speak for you. You and Yoongi looked at each other, letting the soft breeze of the day caress your faces. You and Yoongi looked at each other, and the entire world had disappeared.

“My days feel incomplete without you.”

A confession from you.

Seventy-eight heartbeats.

“I can only be myself when I’m with you.”

A confession from Yoongi.

Ninety-one heartbeats.

“Yoongi?”

Your voice came out in a thread, shaky. It didn’t matter how many times you repeated your best friend’s name, the reality is that your heart beat exactly seventy-eight times a minute whenever you thought of that name, whenever you pronounced that name, whenever you waited for that name to respond to you.

Yoongi’s eyes focused on you, a small, shy smile appeared on your best friend’s lips, that curve expanding as if automatically – it was the effect you had on Yoongi.

He didn’t utter a word. Only Yoongi’s gaze spoke for him, shining with the happiness of that moment, showing you the contentment he felt in that moment.

For a instant, your heartbeat dropped to exactly forty-two heartbeats per minute.

“Do you think we will continue to be friends?”

Your question was carried by the breeze at the end of the day, your words spreading across the street as if wanting to drive away all the fear you carried with you.

“I hope so.”

Yoongi’s confession stuck on the sidewalk, his words settling on the street as if cementing all the hope they carried.

“But… you’re going to Seoul, aren’t you?”

“Mhm,” Yoongi seemed unable to utter any statement, it was as if in that single monosyllable he hid something that he was afraid to show.

You continued to walk in silence, the sunset painting you a picture of anxious reds and shy oranges. An entire city graced your walk, where every car and every person played an urban melody that was already well known to you.

“I need to tell you something.”

Yoongi stopped walking and you stopped exactly two steps in front of him.

You were curious. When Yoongi said exactly those six words to you, the possibilities were endless: he could talk about the team of that sport he really likes, he could talk about a restaurant that just opened, he could talk about so many possibilities that the numbers started to jumble inside you.

Yoongi looked at you nervously.

Two blinks. A deep breath. A blink.

“I like you…” Yoongi sighed again and looked at the ground, searching the sidewalk for some of the courage that might have been lost there. Scratching the back of his neck, taking a deep breath once more, Yoongi looked at you again, still nervous, still without courage. “You know I…”

“Yoongi,” you let out a small laugh that hid itself in Yoongi’s ears, resonating over and over and over again. “Don’t be nervous. You know you can tell me everything.”

“Everything, yes.”

A blink. A deep breath. Two blinks.

“You know you’re my best friend,” Yoongi’s voice was low, hoarse, still nervous about the words he was choosing in detail. “You know that I… that I really like you, don’t you?”

Four words.

I really like you.

One word.

Really.

“Yea…”

Pathetic. What a pathetic word. What yea so pathetic. What was happening to you? Why did you let those four words affect you so much? No. One. One word.

“There’s something I didn’t tell you. I didn’t have the courage.”

Courage. Why did Yoongi need that one word?

Forty-five heartbeats.

“There is a program at the university. Where first-year students can receive extra credit and get used to the university. And I am in that program.”

“That’s it?” you laughed at your best friend’s speech. Why was Yoongi so nervous about saying those five words? “You didn’t need to be so nervous.”

“It’s this summer.”

Three words.

Three words that were carried by the wind to distant lands to surprise as many people as they could. Three words that were heard by you with amazement and nervousness. Three words that simply won’t leave your mind.

“It lasts three months.”

Three. Three. Three.

What could you do? What could you say? Was Yoongi waiting for an answer? For a reaction? Nothing crossed your mind other than the number three. Your whole world had collapsed, everything had disappeared, total darkness painted you inside leaving the number three floating, floating, floating, floa–

But you just smiled for exactly two seconds as the last rays of the day gently painted Yoongi’s figure and you waited exactly another two seconds to speak.

“I hope you have fun.”

Your smile was genuine, quite wide and captivating, the kind of smile that would make anyone else smile too. But Yoongi didn’t smile. Yoongi just stared at you, blinking exactly five times before turning his sigh into a small, shaky smile “Thank you.”

In a way, you thought those two words hid more than they showed. In a way, you thought those two words were a disguise for Yoongi’s true feelings.

But you couldn’t say anything. You couldn’t force Yoongi to talk. So you just continued walking with Yoongi by your side, silently casting prayers to the sun to keep Yoongi safe.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

You knew Yoongi’s program would be long. What you didn’t know was that the program forced your best friend to disappear completely for three months.

No.

It wasn’t three months.

Ninety-two days, four hours, three minutes, ten seconds since your last hug.

Thirty seconds since his last smile.

Forty seconds since your last goodbye.

You were lying in bed counting precisely the seconds that were ringing loudly on the clock hanging on the wall.

You were trying to distract yourself by following the clock, naming the various seconds that passed. You were simply using that habit of yours to comfort yourself; you were looking for some relieve to protect you from the longing you felt for Yoongi.

Your body was completely relaxed on the mattress, trying to calm your mind a little.

But it was unnecessary. And you knew that. As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t overcome the physical lack that Yoongi made you. Yes, you continued to talk almost daily, only when he could and had free time; but talking via texts couldn’t make up for the lack of Yoongi’s laughter, to make up for the lack of Yoongi’s jokes, to make up for the lack of Yoongi.

You sighed and got up from the bed exactly four seconds after letting your sigh of frustration wander into the emptiness of your room, of your heart.

You approached your desk and looked longingly at the last letter you had exchanged with Yoongi.

You let out a small wistful smile.

Yoongi knew how much you liked to count, especially the words, the minutes of waiting, the various spelling mistakes he made on purpose just to make you smile, to give you something more to count.

And that letter was, in fact, something very important to you – not because it was the last one you had received, but because those simple eight words had touched you in a way that you didn’t even know you missed. However, although Yoongi’s ‘we have to talk when I come home’ had moved you, the reality is that it wasn’t in the good way you were used to, but to the point of making your anxiety reach extreme peaks every time you saw that sheet of paper.

You read those words exactly five times before deciding to keep it in the blue box that Yoongi had offered you before leaving. After counting the thirteen letters that rested silently there, you closed the box and placed it on the shelf.

You sat on the bed again.

You counted the seconds on the clock again.

You thought about those eight words again.

What did Yoongi have to say? You thought of exactly eleven scenarios before you heard your cell phone ring and, before you saw who was calling you, your heart dropped to exactly fifty-three beats per minute.

But when you read the name, oh!, when you read Yoongi’s name shining on your small screen your heart accelerated to hundred and eleven heartbeats per minute and you needed to take four deep breaths before gained courage and answered the call.

“Hey.”

Yoongi sounded exactly as he always did: calm with a hint of joy trapped in the syllables. You immediately relaxed, as if that greeting was the magic word to control all your nerves.

“Just got home. Do you want… Do you want to meet me?”

Oh. Yeah. The eight words. Those words were still something you should worry about.

 At the mention of that possible meeting, your body became rigid, your heart slowed down significantly and you simply forgot to breathe.

Yoongi needed to talk to you and you couldn’t decipher what he wanted.

During these long three months, nothing serious had happened to you – but what if something had happened to him? What if he found someone else to share his life with? What if he found someone else who made him feel the same way you once made him feel? What if he had found another best friend?

“Are you still there?”

“Yea, yea,” two yeses, one omission; you were hiding something, you were hiding what you really felt, you were hiding what really worried you. “So… let’s meet at the cafe in twenty?

“See ya.”

You hung up the call and stared at your phone screen for exactly one minute and two seconds.

Silence fell in your room, no thought running through your mind other than those eight words from Yoongi and his request. You couldn’t think of anything else, no matter how hard you tried – and it was slowly destroying you.

You sat in your room for five minutes and thirty-two seconds.

You didn’t want to meet Yoongi. You didn’t want to find out what he wanted to talk to you about so much. Your heart raced just at the thought of Yoongi saying that he found someone different, someone better.

You didn’t want to lose Yoongi, you couldn’t afford that luxury.

But he was here... Yoongi was here and these ninety-two days, four hours and fifty-three minutes were too much – and it was what moved you.

You got out of bed and got ready for that meeting you were dreading so much.

Walking to the agreed location was like a walk to purgatory. Your feet were slow, your mind was thinking fast. The day was hot, the end of August arriving proud in its majesty and warming every corner of the city, every building in the city, every person in the city – except you.

Wrapped up in your worrying thoughts, the sun of that day found itself unable to tear you away from that block of ice that you had created in your mind with those eight words from Yoongi.

You walked with your head down, hands moving frantically with your fingers looking for a distraction other than the numbers.

But it was needless.

After exactly three steps, you started counting the number of cars that passed you. The number of steps you took. The number of people who were on their cell phone. The time: ninety-two days, five hours, twenty-eight minutes and forty-nine seconds.

Ten more steps and you arrived at the cafe. You knew you had to wait for Yoongi, but you preferred to arrive early rather than spend endless minutes anxiously in your room. Still, you made those ten steps last, dragging them out and distracting yourself with everything you could.

One step, three more people on the cell phone.

Two steps, the memory of your first hello to Yoongi.

Three steps, a couple holding hands – the first that day.

Four steps, your first hug.

Five steps, three pigeons flying.

Six steps, that day he gave you his coat because you were cold.

Seven steps, another person on the cell phone.

Eight steps, when he said he really liked you.

Nine steps, a boy riding a bicycle.

Ten steps, Yoongi.

Ninety-two days, five hours, thirty minutes and two seconds was how long it took you to see Yoongi since your last goodbye.

Two seconds was the time you couldn’t breathe after seeing Yoongi’s relaxed figure.

Forty-five were your heartbeats per minute.

Two minutes was the time you and Yoongi needed to assimilate that reality.

You were together once again.

You ran exactly four steps until you found yourself in Yoongi’s strong arms who, thinking that the world could ruin that moment, didn’t let go of you. Yoongi just held you tightly against his body and you could smell his sweet perfume, the perfume that you missed so much.

That hug lasted exactly two minutes and forty-three seconds. Your breath stopped for two seconds. Your heart beat seventy-eight times a minute. For two minutes and forty-three seconds your mind was blank. Your only thought was to focus on the feeling of comfort you felt being in Yoongi’s arms once again after not seeing him for so long.

No.

It wasn’t ‘so long’.

You knew perfectly well how long it had been.

Ninety-two days, five hours, thirty minutes and two seconds contained a profound eternity of fear and longing.

It didn’t matter. Finally you were in Yoongi’s arms. Finally you were being welcomed by Yoongi’s tenderness. Finally you were being touched by Yoongi’s affection. Finally you were with Yoongi – that was all that mattered.

But, after two minutes and forty-three seconds, Yoongi broke the hug and looked at you, his brown eyes always shining, the smile that only you gave him beautifying his face.

You trembled because, looking at Yoongi now, you remembered why you had met at that moment, without giving Yoongi any time to rest.

Yoongi wanted to talk to you.

“So? What do you want to tell me?”

“I missed you so much,” was all Yoongi said to you, cutting off your question, your reasoning, leaving you looking at him in shock, completely confused by what he told you. “I missed you so, so much.”

You stood there staring at him. You repeated those five words to yourself in total disbelief, confused with what was happening, with what could happen after those words from Yoongi. “You… You missed me?”

“I know you like to count,” Yoongi smiled wistfully, blinking with each word, looking at you with tenderness and a lot of… love? “But I also know that you like being with me. I thought it was more… special… to tell you… in pers…. Nevermind. It’s stupid.”

Yoongi let out a weak laugh and you waited exactly four seconds before answering him, your voice coming out in a slurred, shaky, shy thread.

“No. It’s not stupid.”

Because it was true.

Those five words had a different impact when said in person and you never realized it. In ninety-two days, five hours, thirty minutes and two seconds. In thirty hours of calls exchanged with Yoongi. In thirteen letters written with Yoongi. In two thousand, one hundred and thirty-four messages with Yoongi. In three months you never realized that Yoongi never, not once, said those five simple words to you.

I missed you so much.

Yoongi smiled fondly, a light and shy shade of pink appearing on his cheeks when he, very unsure of the situation, slowly touched your hand for exactly two seconds.

And you smiled back, slowly opening your fingers and waiting a second for him to intertwine his fingers with yours.

ㅤㅤ♡ feedback is appreciated ♡

[its-time-to-write]

I loveeee your taylor swift based jamie fics so i was wondering if u could maybe write one based on question..? You’re amazing at writing conflict between the reader and jamie but ofc ending with fluff and i feel like question is the oerfect outline for a fic like that. Thank you!

once again, I am slowly but surely finishing asks in my inbox! my hyperfixation has been awakened ever so slightly, as well as my need for new Jamie content. enjoy!

half-moon eyes

“What if I don’t go?” you suggest, sprawled out on Keeley’s couch.

“You have to,” Rebecca calls from the kitchen. “It’s non-negotiable.”

“I don’t even work for you,” you say, “so you literally cannot make me.”

Keeley grins devilishly next to you, feet propped up on the coffee table. “You don’t work for me either, and I can make you,” she says.

You groan. “C’mon, Keels, I’m not even on staff at Richmond. Why do I have to go to this benefit? It’s going to be a bunch of rich footballer twats.”

Rebecca places two glasses on the table and sits down. “You’re a rich twat. And you’re our friend. Besides, Keeley and I already bought your dress.”

“You what?” you yelp.

Keeley’s still grinning, except it’s all smug now. “Come on, babe, it’ll be fun. Free food, free booze. Hot men. Besides, it’s for a good cause. You love those.”

You drape an arm over your eyes and say, “Fine. I’ll go. But honestly, it’s just because Ted told me he’d help me get Roy on the dance floor.”

Rebecca and Keeley become a chorus of “oh, come on,” as they whack you with Keeley’s pink fluffy pillows.

—

Keeley and Rebecca are the absolute worst for picking out the dress they did, because it’s perfect.

It’s sleeveless with a halter neck, decorated with giant light blue sequins all the way to the floor, with a slit high enough to add some spice, but still low enough that you won’t feel the need to tug at it every five seconds.

And while you were correct about the rich footballers, you were a little bit incorrect about the “twat” part. Mostly.

You didn’t want to go to the benefit for the same reasons Keeley and Rebecca did want you to go.

Jamie fucking Tartt. 

He does no favors for your “good girl” reputation, and yet you’ve found yourself completely enamored with him. You swear to Keels and Bec that it’s just his muscles and his eyes and nothing more, but they got you to admit that you also liked his personality and that’s when you knew you were done.

The whole point of being in a three-person friend group is so that at any given time, two of you can meddle in the third one’s love life.

It’s supposed to always be you and Keeley versus Rebecca, or you and Rebecca versus Keeley.

Not Rebecca and Keeley versus you. 

They had successfully gotten you to spend time with Jamie during a team party, one where they snuck you in as Keeley’s emotional-support person then promptly ditched you to flirt with footballers/coaches of their own. 

You’d sat in a corner with a book stolen from a shelf, trying to make yourself invisible. Unfortunately for you, Jamie has sharp eyes and a tendency to gravitate toward introverts. 

But it doesn’t matter now. You’re in Rebecca’s car headed to that dumb benefit and gripping Keeley’s hand.

“Please don’t leave me this time,” you plead.

Keeley squeezes your hand twice. “Babe, it’s a bunch of people you know. And besides, how are you supposed to get in Jamie’s pants if you’re with me the whole night?”

Rebecca snorts out a laugh as you groan. 

“I’m not trying to get into Jamie’s pants,” you say. “I’m literally only here because you made me.”

“Sure,” Keeley says. “And I’m a virgin.”

The car dissolves into laughter along with your nerves, and you feel as ready as you ever will to face the night.

—

“Two please,” you say to the bartender. He turns around to prepare Keeley and Rebecca’s drinks and you sigh, forearms on the counter.

“Rough night?” asks a teasing voice. You turn to see Jamie slide into the space next to you looking fit in a cream suit. He tilts his head a little bit, causing one dangly earring to sparkle in the light.

“Surprised to see you without a book,” he continues. “But no worries, you could always ask Roy for one of his. He’s always got one on him and I think he’s stored one up his-”

“Here you go,” says the bartender.

“Thanks,” you reply, nodding once to Jamie in a way that signals he can leave, but instead of doing so he follows you.

“I can take those,” he says, reaching for the drinks and you automatically hand them to him.

“Thanks,” you say again.

He tilts his head to look at you. “You’re fucking quiet tonight.”

You laugh once, short and grating. “Yeah, well, this isn’t really my thing. I got suckered into it and manipulated into wearing this dress and normally I’m not this uncomfortable, but I don’t really know many people here.”

“You know me,” Jamie says softly, and then you’re at the table. 

Keeley looks up in surprise as Jamie hands her a drink but the surprise doesn’t last long before it’s replaced by devilish twinkle. 

“Oh, are you two going dancing?” she says.

“N-no,” you stutter, “he was just-”

“Dancing sounds so fun,” Rebecca interjects. “I might join you in a song or two.”

“But we’re not-” you try again.

Rebecca quirks an eyebrow at you. “Aren’t you?”

You turn to see Jamie with his hand out. “Come on,” he says. “It’ll be fun. Swear down.”

You reach for him before your mind can tell you not to, and let him pull you onto the dance floor.

You aren’t the only ones there, it’s actually pretty busy, but there’s only one set of hands on you.

You’re letting Jamie Tartt into your space in a way that no man before has been allowed. 

He’s crowding you a little bit, dancing close enough that you’re brushing up against each other and there isn’t really anywhere to go, but you’re fairly certain that the moment you indicated you needed space, he’d be gone. 

He’s so close that it’s overwhelming, with the music loud in your ears and the smell of his cologne.

Time seems to slow, music fades, and all that exists are you and Jamie. He reaches out to touch your face and you lean closer, almost at eye-level due to your heels.

He pauses for just a moment so you surge forward and kiss him, vaguely aware of Keeley and Rebecca wolf-whistling somewhere nearby. 

Sam looks over and starts clapping, and pretty soon all the Greyhounds within the vicinity are hollering and cheering. You blush and press your hands to your cheeks but Jamie just grins. It’s the cocky, “I got the girl,” grin.

So yeah, sue you if he ended up in your bed.

What were you going to do, act like you were immune to the way he looked at you? The way he talked to you like you were the most interesting person in the room? The way his lips peppered firm kisses up your neck and across your clavicle after you sneaked outside for some “fresh air?”

No, immunity was never an option. 

Half of you said it was just a one-night stand and the other half… well the other half told you to consider the facts. 

The facts were that you knew he was into you, like full-on romantically attracted because you’d seen his text thread with Keeley.

She hadn’t shown you exactly, just left her phone unlocked on her coffee table, angled toward you while she told you she was going to make tea and it was going to take a long time.

So maybe the way he threaded your hands together while he pressed his body to yours won’t be a one-off event. Maybe you’ll get another chance to hear your name from his lips like it’s the only word he knows.

Maybe.

Except you’re awake at 2am and he’s gone; no note, no text, no nothing. You know for a fact he’s not meeting Roy, so where exactly could he have gone?

You don’t know. You just know your bed is cold and empty and there’s a strange pit in your chest. Maybe Keeley was wrong, and he didn’t like you that much. Maybe he was just looking for one night of fun.

You’d be ok with that, if only you’d known ahead of time. If only you hadn’t gotten your hopes up.

—

It’s a good thing you don’t work at Nelson Road because it means you can avoid Rebecca, Keeley, Jamie, and Ted for some reason, because apparently Rebecca told him everything and he’s incredibly invested in getting Jamie a “good girlfriend.”

Instead, you go to work like normal and accept your coworkers’ invitation to go out.

Kevin got you all into some incredibly popular bar because his girlfriend’s a repo baby, and you can tell from the moment you walk in that it is not your vibe. You’re just grateful you asked what to wear ahead of time.

You go to the bar and say, “Two please,” and feel someone slide into the space next to you. You turn, half expecting it to be Jamie.

It’s not, but he is attractive, objectively speaking. You down your shots and smile as dazzling as possible.

If you’re going to be here, you might as well get the most out of your night. The man next to you smiles back so you take that as an invitation to move a little closer and start flirting.

He buys you a drink and you laugh at his stupid little jokes, reaching out just a little to touch his arm. 

Your coworkers are doing there own thing and you’re debating whether or not you actually want to fuck this guy when you feel someone watching you. 

You pause a moment to try to get the room into focus but before you can, someone is shouldering their way in between you and whatever this guy’s name is.

“Alright mate, time to go,” Jamie says, and the guy says, “Jesus, sorry, didn’t know she had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t,” you slur but he’s already gone.

Jamie turns to you and says, “I’m getting you home,”

Your skin is tingly and warm and there’s a pleasant haze in your mind, but not so pleasant that you forget the fact that you’re still a little mad.

“Kevin,” you mumble as Jamie slips an arm under your shoulder.

“Yeah yeah, told that rich prick that I was getting you home safe. Recognized him from your website.”

A less-drunk you would have latched onto the fact that Jamie had looked at your website long enough to recognize some of the people you worked with. As it is, all you can think about is sleep. Which reminds you

“Why’d you leave?” you ask as Jamie helps you into the passenger seat.

Jamie stills for a moment before continuing to buckle you in. He gets into the car and sits in silence for a moment.

“Dunno,” he finally says. “It- it was too real for a moment. We’re not the same at all. You’re fucking… good. I’m not, not really.”

“Bullshit,” you reply but you succumb to sleep before Jamie can ask you what you mean.

—

You’re in Jamie’s car again less than twenty-four hours later. Why you agreed to meet him, you’re not sure. But here you are in a deserted parking lot at 8pm, parked as far away from streetlights as possible. Your knees are pulled to your chest, and you’re grateful you opted to wear your favorite over-large hoodie. It gives you the illusion of security, like you can hide.

Jamie on the other hand is wearing a fucking brown Gucci track suit.

“Isaac gave it to me,” he says with a shrug, in response to your raised eyebrow.

That’s been the extent of your conversation for a solid minute, ever since you got out of your car and into his. You’re not sure if you’re supposed to talk first, but you’re not going to. He’s the one who invited you, he’s the one who can figure out what to say.

He does not disappoint.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have fucking left. Don’t really know what I were thinking.”

You snort out a laugh, but his worried face falls so abruptly that you immediately try to take it back. 

You say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. It’s just that there’s no way you don’t know what you were thinking. You’re not stupid, you don’t just accidentally leave like that. And it’s not the leaving that’s the problem, it’s the fact that you didn’t tell me. Or talk to me after at all. So I’m just stuck in my own head trying to figure out what I did wrong.”

Jamie is shaking his head before you’re even halfway done. “You’re right, I do know what I was thinking. It’s like, you’re fucking brilliant, yeah? You do all this cool shit and make a difference and everyone fucking loves you. I went on a tv show to piss of me dad.”

He pauses, staring at the steering wheel. “If I woke up in the same bed as you, I’d start thinking we could be together. That I could have something- real, like. And that isn’t gonna fucking work.” He laughs, once, but it’s void of mirth.

You squint at him. “You could have at least tried.”

Jamie moves uncomfortably in his seat as he says, “That’s how I do shit, ain’t it? Fuck it up before it can fuck me up.”

You both relapse into silence, and you take stock of the way the nighttime glow sits on Jamie’s skin. 

His features are softened, much like they looked in your dim bedroom light except this time, his eyebrows are knotted together.

You reach out to smooth them with your thumb before you can stop yourself. 

Jamie sighs and leans into your touch and you find yourself cupping his face. 

“What if we tried?” you whisper. “I bet we could do it. I’m really stubborn.”

He smiles a little at that, all wistful. “I’d do anything for you,” he responds, “Just don’t worry ‘bout it when it’s time for you to leave, yeah?”

—

What is it that Roy says, that you deserve someone who makes you feel like you’ve been struck by lightning?

You feel more like it’s a meteor. 

It looks pretty as it shoots across the sky, almost like it’s a star, but then it lands on you and squishes you flat. There’s no electrifying current, just the inescapable, crushing weight of a giant rock that you thought you could wish on.

Two months. You made it two months with Jamie, and it felt like you were dancing on clouds right up to the moment you tripped.

It’s always something with him. Everything’s for PR, for an angle, for the game. Your relationship… it’s smothering.  

It’s not smothering in the way you like, because let’s be real; you would be attached at his hip if you could.

But he seems to think that he can buy his way into your heart, especially during the weeks he has extra training, or an away game, or anything that cuts into your time together. 

“It’s too much,” you say through tears one afternoon. “I don’t even know what to do with half of it. You’re spending so much money on me and I’m not ungrateful, but Jamie. I don’t want things. I don’t care that you’re busy, I want you and I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks they can purchase my affection.

Jamie just looks at you, nods once, and walks away. No fight, no nothing. 

You’re struck by two conflicting memories at once.

The first being his outstretched hand at the benefit, ready to pull you out of your comfort zone. 

The second, his soft voice saying, “don’t worry ‘bout it when it’s time to leave.”

As you watch his retreating figure, you fight the urge to run after him. He’s the one with the self-sabotaging tendencies. You should have realized you were going to end up here sooner or later. 

If he doesn’t even think you’re worth fighting for, then what’s the point?

You text Keeley and Rebecca, then get to your bed as fast as you possibly can.

—

Two months is a lot longer than most people think it is. It’s over sixty days of waking up with someone. Of texting them. Of holding them, eating meals with them, of kissing them goodnight. 

It only takes two weeks for a habit to develop and now your bed feels far too large and empty. 

Keeley’s snoring in what should be Jamie’s spot, unceremoniously sprawled out in some awful satin zebra-print pajamas. It’s better than being alone, but you’d rather have Jamie snoring next to you in some awful satin leopard-print boxers.

—

“Do you believe in soulmates?” you ask Rebecca. You’re laying on her floor while she eats a biscuit.

She asks, “Platonic or romantic?” so you shoot her a questioning glance. “I’m not sure about romantic soulmates, but after seeing Ted and Beard, I abso-fucking-loutely believe in platonic soulmates,” she clarifies.

“Cool,” you say, “smashing, brill, fucking superb.”

“What makes you think Jamie was your soulmate?” she asks. That makes you sit up.

“I didn’t say shit about Jamie,” you say.

Rebecca rolls her eyes. “Darling, it was very heavily implied. And anyway, who else would you be talking about? The last time you had a boyfriend was back when this club was still complete shit. So. Why do you think Jamie was your soulmate?”

“I don’t,” you respond, “I just- I don’t know, we clicked. It was weird. You know we talked before the benefit? We were at this party and… he talked to me. I was hiding because Keeley fucking left me by myself so I stole a book and was reading in the corner, and he sat next to me and started asking me questions. And-” you stop yourself.

“And,” Rebecca prompts.

“And I wish he would have fought a little more. For as great as he said I was, he just walked away like it was nothing. It feels like shit.”

Rebecca stands up only to sit down on the floor next to you. She tells you, “Men are shit with feelings. They never know what they really want until they don’t have it.”

—

You don’t take precautions to sneak out of Rebecca’s office because everyone has left by the time you go, so you walk down the stairs arm in arm as you giggle about something stupid.

“Oh shit, I left my phone on my desk,” she says. “Wait here while I get it?”

You grin and lean against the wall, staring down a decal of Bumbercatch.

You can feel someone watching you and you assume it’s just Declan’s cutout until something moves in your peripheral vision. 

“Jesus Christ!” you exclaim. “Jamie?”

“I weren’t trying to scare you,” he says apologetically. “Didn’t know anyone was still here. I was doing a cool down on the treadmill and lost track of time.”

“…Cool,” you reply. You’re not sure what you’re supposed to say in situations like this.

Jamie passes his water bottle from one hand to the other as you shift your weight. Neither one of you are making an effort to say anything, or an effort to leave.

“For Christ’s sake,” comes Rebecca’s voice a few steps above you. “Can you two please just tell each other how you’re fucking feeling? My god Jamie, use your big boy words for fucking once.”

Jamie looks offended for a moment but apparently Rebecca’s words ring a little bit true because he switches from offended to wistful. Again.

“I can’t with that face,” you tell him. “You look like a kicked puppy, and it’s your fault at least eighty percent of the time.”

“I’m leaving,” Rebecca says. 

“Wait, but you drove me here,” you say to her back. 

She calls, “Cheers,” with no indication that she’s listening to you.

“I can take you home,” Jamie offers.

You tilt your head at him and say, “Yeah, and I can catch a taxi. Or walk. Or anything, really.”

“I’m driving you,” he says. “Just gotta grab my bag.”

“Oh now he fights,” you mutter.

Jamie stills for a moment before heading into the locker room. He’s back so fast you wonder if he was worried about you sneaking out without him.

You’re sitting in the passenger seat, reliving all the times you’ve been here before. You resist the urge to curl up.

It’s a quiet ride over to your house and you take advantage of the fact that Jamie is actively not looking at you. You allow yourself to examine his profile out of the corner of your eye. You miss touching his face, holding his hand. Does he feel the same? Most likely not.

He pulls into your driveway and as you reach for the handle he says, “Oi.”

You still.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I really am.”

You explode. “For fucking what, Jamie? What the fuck do you think you’re sorry for? How many times are we going to do this? If one of us were going to have relationship insecurity, I would’ve assumed it’d be me. Hell, everyone thinks that I’m the insecure one. But it’s you! I don’t fucking get it, you ruin every good thing you have because you have stupid fucking thoughts and you don’t fight for what you fucking want, for fuck’s sake.”

“I want you,” he says.

“Coulda fooled me,” you shoot back.

“I do and I know I was being a twat. Went to fucking… therapy. I’m getting better, swear down.”

“Uh huh,” you say. “Bullshit.”

“That’s a fuck-ton of swear words for you,” he comments. “Been taking notes from Roy?” “Piss off,” you reply.

“That’s a yes.”

“Fine. Here’s a nice, clean sentence for you. What do you want?”

“I miss you,” he says without hesitation.

Right.

“And..?” you say.

“And I want you back.”

“Maybe,” you reply. “Possibly. I’ll put you on probation. Cook me dinner and then we’ll talk about it.”

Jamie turns off his car. “Does that mean I can come in?”

You sigh, but it’s with a smile on your face. “Against my better judgement yes, it does mean you can come in. But no funny business. At least not tonight.”

Jamie grins just a tiny bit and says, “Does cuddling count as funny business? I miss holding you?”

“We’ll see how good dinner is.” You open the car door and Jamie follows you close on your heels into your house. You think maybe this time, you’ll both get it right.

[bao3bei4]

why zines? how zines?

i was on a panel at fanworks con 2023 about zines today. it was a lot of fun! i decided to turn my portion of the talk into a post for my friends who couldn’t make it to the panel. 

this post includes my thoughts on: 

why make a zine

how to generate ideas for zines

how to finish your zines

how to build an audience for your zines

so why zines? what are they? [ZEENS, rhymes with beans], pronounced that way because it’s a shortened form of the word magazine, are basically just that: self published magazines. but why make a zine over, say, a blog post? or any other piece of art. 

i have basically three reasons. the first is that making little books is cool. it’s genuinely awesome to make physical zines and have the product of your labor in your hand. it’s a great feeling to finish a project and feel a concrete reward, and a lot of times we don’t get that in our lives.

the second reason is that zines give you absolute editorial control. you can put anything you want on a page. whatever layout, whatever order, whatever fold, whatever content. you name it, you can do it. this is something other venues rarely give you. for artists, it’s phenomenal. and for the rest of us, it gives us the ability to become artists for a little bit, as we lay things out.

the third reason is that zines can be absolute shit. in fact, the more shit they are, the more diy and punk they are. they have an incredible lineage of stolen copy paper and anarchist politics. all that to say, is that there are no standards. the zine ethos is say what you wanna say. it’s tremendously freeing to go fuck polish and respectability, i’m making my project.

because of these three reasons, i want to encourage you to get started making zines by describing common challenges and worries and giving you several practical tips for each on working past them. so, in order, they’re “i don’t know what to make a zine about,” “i struggle to finish projects,” and “no one will read my zines.” let’s get into it.

first up, “i don’t know what to make a zine about.” i think this one is pretty common, even for experienced zine creators. sometimes you’re in the mood to make things but you have no clue what. a lot of people suggest to just go with random words or whatever pops into your head, but i’m picky! i find that unsatisfying! so here are some tips for people in the same boat. 

ONE: what’s distracting you? work with it. because anything can be a zine, let the things you’ve already done serve as inspiration. photos you’ve taken can be formatted into a zine. is there a game sucking up your attention? make a zine about it. the song stuck in your head can turn into a lyricbook, forgotten works in progress or sketches can be resurrected, cannibalized, or even published as incomplete zines. if you’ve been busy with real life, maybe the recipes you’ve been making—even if, especially if, they’re struggle meals, can turn into zines. interview your most interesting friend. summarize a book you read recently. even if you’ve just been doomscrolling, that’s a zine too! i got a zine last weekend called bay area newsreel which was collecting recent articles about local news from leftist perspectives gathered up into a handy volume. your attention is a gift, so look at what zine fodder it’s accumulated for you naturally. 

SECOND: add a twist. sometimes i have an idea but it isn’t quite right. it just seems too straightforward. so i try to develop along a single axis of content or form. what this means is basically go against your instincts, or rather, your first impulse. that first idea is very hard to walk away from, but doing so often gives you an idea that gets you unstuck. so for content, add a different perspective. for me this is often a theoretical approach. when i was stuck on my scum villain zine, turning it into freud zine let the words start flowing. next, on form: present it differently than your first instinct is to. if my first thought is “essay,” i try to figure out how to chunk out the information into modules or how to add interactivity or what kind of illustrations to add. if my first thought is “this could be a fic or comic,” i try turning it into an essay. saying things a different way often gives you a new perspective on the content as well. 

THIRD: copy! make your take on the same thing as someone else. it’s not stealing—well, ideally it isn’t. make your original take and give credit where credit is due and ask permission if necessary. but engage with the medium!!! making zines without reading zines is the same thing as trying to write a paper without citing sources, or a novel without reading your contemporaries. that is, you can do it, but it’s hard. zines are a genre into themselves so figure out how to situate yourself in their ongoing dialogue. an example of this from my own practice is that i own a zine about queer gods and mythological creatures from chinese history. reading it i was like. why don’t they talk about this. why don’t they talk about that. and that became the basis for my own zine, guaitai the strange and the queer which focused on queer chinese history and literature instead. different zine, same inspiration. 

all of my ideas suppose you have SOMETHING going on. what if you truly have nothing. my advice? adapted from my “how to write an essay” blog post, is to read a book. read an article. read something. and then post about it. and then turn your posts into a zine. don’t start entirely from scratch — give yourself a scaffolding. so first. read something and tell someone about it. i wasn’t lying about calling myself a consummate poster. it’s a big part of my thought process. 

second up, what if “i struggle to finish projects.” i’m no stranger to having a bunch of half finished half started projects lying around. but here are some zine-specific tips i have for addressing that.

FIRST! go smaller; go shittier. reduce the scope of your projects. make one pagers, lists. once when i was feeling stymied, i made a physical zine about movies i’d watched that month, just listing them with a couple bullet points on each film. i eventually turned it into a bigger digital zine where i listed movies i’d watched over the past several months with more thoughts on them, and nicely formatted. but that was something that came out of reducing my scope from “i need to write a manifesto on a movie i’ve watched recently” to “well i can just tell people about it” to “i can say two things about it.” and something actually got finished.

SECOND. your friends are a great tool for accountability. something i like to do is zine jams with my friends. nothing fancy, it’s just we’ll sit down for an hour and go we’re going to make something in this hour. or, for a bigger scope, we might work separately but commit to making a zine that weekend. it’s nice to have community and it’s nice to feel a little bit of a friendly deadline. i recommend this even if you DON’T have problems finishing zines. it’s a good time. 

THIRD. a lot of times if the words aren’t coming easily, it’s because i’m not trying to say the right thing. keep in mind that your zines don’t have to be “content.” this little paper zine i made about movies wasn’t made to share online; in fact, it’s not available online. i didn’t make it according to what other people would see or be interested in. you can and will burn out on making “marketable” content. corollary to this: sometimes what i have to say is something i DON’T want to share online. it might not be that it’s boring, it might be that it’s too personal. and i share a lot online, i write personal essays after all. but some projects i stall on because they’re really just for me, and i’m again, focused on making content. so this piece of advice is about rejecting the tyranny of the imaginary audience. 

and the next challenge is about embracing that audience! what if no one reads your zines, something that’s entirely possible. well there’s plenty you can do about that.

FIRST. cultivate zine community. read other people’s zines! talk to them about their zines! this greatly increases the chance that they will do the same for you. don’t go in expecting reciprocity; do it for its own sake, but it’s a great place to start. try asking people at zine fests if they’d be willing to trade with you, for instance. 

SECOND. write for yourself. it’s cheesy but it’s true. you really have to. if you’re not proud and happy with what you’re making on its own merits, what’s the point. now because this is a cop out tip, i’m not counting it as a tip on its own. 

so SECOND PART TWO. make your zines more accessible. if they’re not free, make them free—yes, you deserve to be compensated for your work, but it’s up to you to decide if you want a bigger audience first. if your zines aren’t short, make them shorter. make them short enough that you can post their entirety on social media or something else easy for your audience to consume. it’s a big ask sometimes to get someone to download your pdf! if they’re physical, hand them out to people you meet. remove all the barriers to entry.

THIRD. related to this, change medium. if you’re not making physical zines, try printing them out. if you’re not making digital zines, try digitizing them. both of these offer access to new audiences and new people who might be more interested in one form than another. 

i hope these thoughts encourage you to make a zine! if you do, please let me see it. i love reading zines. 

[little-diable]

Distraction - Prof!Tom Holland (smut)

Boy, do I love prof!fics. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: After years of being professor Holland’s student, the reader finally finishes her studies and joins the team as a young professor – allowing the two to finally give into their teasing.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, office sex, oral (f), gagging, some brief jealousy but mainly fluff and smut

Pairing: Prof!Tom Holland x fem!prof!reader (3.6k words)

“Morning (y/n)!” She was greeted with a smile, unable to bite her chuckles back as she greeted him. Her steps were slow, trying to accept that the office she had visited numerous times over the past years was now hers, well, half of it. (Y/n) sat her bag down on the empty desk, sitting down in the chair she had always claimed as hers, making herself comfortable in this very room whenever he had office hours. “It’s good to finally have you around as a colleague.”

“Thank you, professor.” For a second she had pondered over the title, wondering if she should still call him “professor”, and yet it felt wrong to use his first name, at least not when he hadn’t offered it to her yet. 

“Please, (y/n), Tom’s just fine, we’re colleagues now after all.” Heat flushed through her, eyes momentarily flickering down to her bag, reaching for her laptop to place it down on her desk. It’d probably take her weeks to adjust to the new situation, still not fully realizing that she was finally allowed to teach at the university. “What’s on your timetable for today? Maybe we can grab lunch together, if you want.”

Tom leaned back in his chair, hand running through his curls as he watched her with his coffee coloured eyes. Her heart skipped a beat, hoping that he wouldn’t pick up on the giddiness thumping through her veins. (Y/n) couldn’t remember when her crush on the young professor had started, but by now it felt all too natural, one with her system, like a virus she’d never get rid of again. Back when she had been a student, (y/n) had chased any chance to spend time with him outside of his classes, finding her way to his office every single week to discuss new books, theories and problems. And Tom had always listened, sharing his own thoughts with the student he couldn’t help but marvel at. 

“I’m teaching a class at eleven, but I’m free between one and three. Does that work for you?” She opened her laptop to log into the university database, opening the course she’d teach in the next hour. He kept watching her with a smile playing on his lips, a proud smile she couldn’t help but fawn over, wondering if he felt the same bond keeping them chained together. When she had been his student (y/n) hadn’t dared to flirt with him – not like the other students trying to gain his attention – but now the tide had changed, the waves kept rolling back onto the sandy beach they’ve been walking on for years. 

“Works perfect. You know, I’m free till four, I could come watch your class.” For a moment she froze, eyes flickering down to the presentation she had prepared. Even though the mere thought of making a fool of herself in front of Tom left her heart racing, pumping hot, searing blood through her system, the thought of having him close would probably help her relax, guiding the students through an exciting class. “I remember how nervous I was on my first day, but I’m sure you’ll do just fine, with or without me there.” 

“Well, we don’t want you to get bored around here all alone, of course you can come watch. But don’t distract my students too much.” He shot her a sly smirk, taking a sip of his tea. Tom wasn’t oblivious, could pick up on gossip all too quickly, hearing the words his students murmured about him, praying to whoever was listening that they’d get a chance with the professor. 

“Me? Never.” 

……

“Here you go.” (Y/n) murmured a soft “Thank you” to the waitress, watching her place both Tom’s and (y/n)’s orders down. He had his eyes set on (y/n), interrupted on his recap of her lesson by the waitress. 

“So, I think you did really well, it won’t take long till you’ll take over my classes too, I’ll be jobless in no time.” Both chuckled, starting eating with their eyes meeting every now and then. No longer was her heart racing in uneven beats, no longer was she overthinking every word tumbling from her lips, somewhat relaxed around the smiling professor. 

“I doubt that, we both know you’re the students' favourite. But I can’t blame them.” Tom shook his head, curls falling into his face, smirk ever prominent on his thin lips. His glasses perfectly framed his handsome features, adding a professional touch to his appearance, making him appear a few years older than he actually was. 

“Can’t blame them, huh? Was I your favourite too, (y/n)?” He was teasing her, and was well aware that he had been the one to influence her back then. In the beginning Tom hadn’t put much thought into their back and forth, appreciating her for asking challenging questions, finally adding something to his classes he had always missed, but with passing months he had slowly picked up on the way she was looking at her – gazes he couldn’t help but reciprocate. 

“Oh stop it, we both know the answer to that.” Before he could shoot back with another teasing reply burning on the tip of his tongue, his name was called by a bright voice, eyes snapping towards an approaching woman. (Y/n) had seen the female professor around a few times, she had never visited her classes, didn’t even know her name, and yet she couldn't help but tense up. The woman wore a wide smile on her painted lips, making (y/n)’s insides churn as she paid more attention to the way the woman was looking at Tom, a gaze (y/n) was all too familiar with. 

“Sorry for disturbing you two, you’re (y/n) right? Welcome to the department.” The woman stretched her hand out for (y/n) to shake, eyes instantly drawn back to Tom and the uncomfortable expression he wore. “I’ll see you tonight right? They’re expecting us at seven.”

“Uhm, yes, I’ll be there.” Tom froze as the woman leaned down to press her lips against his cheek, hand holding his chin with her eyes focused on (y/n). She murmured a soft “See you later” to the two before she left them on their own, not looking back once. For a few moments Tom and (y/n) were engulfed by an uncomfortable silence, a silence Tom interrupted with the sound of him clearing his throat, reaching for his napkin to wipe the lipstick stain off his cheek. 

“Sorry about that. She’s been nagging me for months, I’m her date for a gallery opening tonight, in hopes that she’ll leave me alone after that.” (Y/n)’s gaze flickered down to her now empty plate before she reached for her phone, checking the fleeting time. She shot him a quick smile, murmuring a soft “Don’t worry”. 

“It’s almost three, I think I should head back for my next class soon. Should we pay?” 

……

“But, they aren’t dating, right?” (Y/n) shook her head, sinking further into her friend's couch, letting go of a deep sigh that begged to be released. After leaving the restaurant the atmosphere between her and Tom had been awkward, filled with a silence that was only interrupted as they ran into another colleague of theirs, joining him on his way back towards their building. (Y/n) had barely spared any attention to their conversation, replaying the past moments, unable to bite the feeling of jealousy down, tightening up her throat. 

“No, I don’t think he’s into her, why am I even thinking about that? It’s not like there’s anything actually going on between us.” Another groan left (y/n) as she closed her eyes, deeply exhaling to try and let go of the tension flushing through her. Her friend squeezed her knee, refilling their glasses with a pitiful gaze thrown (y/n)’s way. 

“I mean, from what you’ve told me, it sounds like he is very interested in you, I’m sure it will work out between the two of you.” (Y/n)’s attention was ripped from her friend’s words, hand reaching for her beeping phone. Her heart started racing as she focused on the text Tom had messaged her. It was a picture of a colourful painting, and attached was the text “I think I’m too uncultured, how can people enjoy paintings like that?” 

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Her friend shot (y/n) a grin, reading the text (y/n) showed her. It took her a moment to come up with a fitting reply, pondering over the words she should use, trying to ignore the jumps of her heart. 

“Seems like we need to work on your knowledge about art history. You should join my Tuesday class.” With trembling fingers (y/n) placed her phone down, taking a sip of her drink. She tried to stir the conversation with her friend into another direction, not wanting to hyperfocus on Tom and the text he’d shoot her way, but the second her phone beeped again, (y/n)’s hand shot out to reach for it. 

“How about a private lesson? Wouldn’t want to distract your students.” 

…… 

“It was awful, I was so bored.” Tom’s words echoed through their office, he was leaning back in his chair, feet placed on his desk. He was sipping his coffee, studying (y/n), how she typed away on her laptop, replying to emails, trying to catch up with her tasks of the day. 

“Well, it’s the price you pay for leading her on.” He chuckled into his mug, silently grateful that their teasing was finally back, replacing the awkward tension of the day before. Their eyes met for a second, forcing both to give into the smiles tugging on their lips. “Don’t you have something to work on? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do actual work, besides teaching.” 

“Mind you, I work very hard. But why should I focus on my classes, when I can enjoy being around you?” She was glad that she wasn’t taking a sip of her warm beverage, would have probably choked on her sips. Heat rose in her system, forcing her hands to momentarily freeze, hovering over the keys. All (y/n) could do was shake her head, trying to switch her concentration back on the email she had been typing. 

“You’re such a tease, are you like that with all your female colleagues?” Tom threw his head back with a laugh rumbling through him. He rolled back with his chair, sitting up straight to place his cup down. For a second he watched her, pondering over his next move before he rose to his feet to round their desks, plopping down on hers, forcing (y/n) to focus on him once again. 

“We both know you were jealous of her yesterday, right?” He didn’t give her a chance to reply, forcing (y/n) to keep on watching him as he reached for her chin, holding her in place with his thumb running over her lower lip. Her words were stuck in her throat, unable to tear her eyes away as if the roles were reversed, replaying the plot of Orpheus and Eurydice, forced to turn back around to catch another glance of his frame. “But we both also know that there’s no need for you to be jealous, I’ve always been focused on you, even when I wasn’t supposed to.” 

Her heart had stopped racing, it felt as if time had frozen, as if earth had stopped rotating, waiting for Tom to break out into a fist of giggles, teasing her for believing the words he had just spoken. But Tom kept quiet, patiently waiting for (y/n) to reply. He felt her skin grow warmer, eyes flickering between hers and her lips, not daring to move closer before a reply would roll off her tongue. 

“I,” she struggled to reply, unable to pierce the pieces together, not daring to accept that Tom had just given into the feelings (y/n) had fostered for years. “Do you really mean that?” 

Tom let go of her face to reach for her hands, pulling her to her feet to stand between his thighs. One of his hands found their way back to her cheek, guiding (y/n) even closer. With her breath hitched in her chest she started counting the passing by seconds, wondering if he’d close the gap between them, like two boats sailing into the safe haven after months at sea. The waves were guiding them ashore, laying their trust in the lighthouse that called for them to give in, to let go of the pressure that had kept resting on their hearts. 

“Professor Holland?” The sound of somebody knocking on their door ripped the two apart, forcing (y/n) to sit back down in her chair, trying to catch her breath as Tom called for them to enter. One of his students stepped into the office, shooting (y/n) a quick smile before he focused on Tom, asking the questions that have guided him towards this office. And with her eyes trained on the screen of her laptop, (y/n)’s mind started replaying the past moments, cursing the student for interrupting their moment – a moment she had been waiting for since she had started crushing on the professor. 

……

It was evening by the time Tom found his way back into the office, freezing in his step as he found (y/n) still sitting in her chair, working on a book she kept annotating. Their eyes met for a brief second, breaking contact as he closed the door, haltering in his step for a moment before he walked to his desk, placing his books down. Tom rounded their desks like he had done hours ago, cupping her cheek with one hand, eyes finding her curious ones. 

Without another warning, Tom pressed his lips against hers, finally giving into the pull he had been fighting against for endless hours. Her gasp allowed him to deepen the kiss, stabilising himself with his free hand gripping the armrest of her chair, keeping her close to him. (Y/n)’s hands found his curls, not daring to overthink the moment that felt far more intense than in her dreams. 

“Fuck, I’ve been thinking of doing that since this morning.” Tom murmured his words against her lips, chuckles swallowed by another kiss she pressed against his lips. Both chased one another, not daring to break apart, wanting to drag out their moments together for as long as possible. Lust flushed through her veins, a biting feeling (y/n) had tried to repress for the past years, but the dam had broken, there was no holding back, no need to stop her body from giving in. 

She rose from her chair, making space for Tom to take her seat, pulling her into his lap with his hands finding the back of her thighs. Her middle was ground against his, coaxing a soft moan out of them, sounds bleeding together with the sound of their lips meeting over and over again. (Y/n) felt herself dripping, silently begging him to take it another step further, and another, till she’d choke on his name with tears welling up in her eyes. 

“If we don’t stop I’ll fuck you right here, I won’t be able to hold back.” Tom’s confession left her trembling, feeling him growing hard against her. With her hands finding his curls, (y/n) pulled him in for another breathless kiss, whispering a soft “Don’t you dare stop”. 

“Alright, but you’ve been warned.” A squeal ripped through (y/n) as she was forced from his lap onto her desk, pushed back for Tom to work on the buttons of her trousers, pulling the fabric down her legs. Anticipation filled her body, wondering how he’d touch her, how he’d make her feel, clinging onto the dreams she had been forcing through her mind for the past years. The soaked through fabric of her panties was ripped from her legs, and with his eyes finding hers, Tom pushed the fabric between her teeth, “Gotta keep you quiet for now.” 

Tom’s eyes scanned up and down her frame, marveling at her as if time was fleeting, as if she’d be ripped from him any moment now, needing to burn the sight into his mind. His cold hands pulled her thighs open, eyes set on her glistening cunt, coaxing a groan out of him. She wanted to keep watching him, sounds swallowed by her panties, but the second his tongue found her folds, licking her skin clean, she forced her eyes shut, desperately trying to focus on his movements. 

“Fuck, tastes so sweet, I should mark you up, remember that you’re mine, but I’ll take my time with you later, love.” Two of his fingers were pushed into her tightness, forcing her walls to flutter around him, not used to feeling the cold metal of his rings pressing against her warm skin. It was sinful, so sinful, giving into their carnal desire in their office, a public space, and yet they didn’t dare run from the darkness that seemed to guide them, one with their desires. 

(Y/n) combed one hand through his locks, holding onto Tom as he kept sucking on her bundle of nerves, fucking her closer to the edge with skilled, curled fingers. Shudders ran down her spine, heightening her senses, unable to pay attention to her thoughts, the images flushing through her mind, trapped in dark matter, a field of energy only Tom would be able to rip her from. 

“So pretty for me, fuck, I can’t wait to feel you around my cock.” She arched her back off the desk, giving into the moan that roared through her, a sound so sinful not even her panties could drown it out. Her orgasm creeped closer, about to swallow her whole, forcing her to drown in the ocean she had been sailing, losing her path – forced to cling to Tom. “Gonna fuck you now, want to feel you cum with my cock buried deep inside of you.” 

He parted from her for just a second, freeing his cock with quick movements, reaching for the condom he carried around in his wallet. (Y/n) watched him with glassy eyes, sighing in relief as he pulled her panties from her mouth, allowing her to whimper his name. Tom’s fingers dug into her thighs as he wrapped her legs around his waist, cock brushing through her folds, collecting drops of her arousal before he finally pushed into her. 

Before she could release the heavy moan wanting to rip through her, Tom had kissed her, keeping her pressed against his chest. He fucked her slow, giving her a few moments to adjust before building up his pace, making her forget her name with only a few thrusts. The way Tom fucked her was ruthless, unforgiving, and yet it was more intense than what she had experienced before that, shaking against him as if she was about to pass out. 

“Feels so good, fuck, Tom.” Her words were whispered against his lips, eyes squeezed shut, allowing Tom to use her body, to mark her up. He was claiming her in the most primal way, body moulding against hers like wax formed into a candle, burned from the heat she emanated. 

Tom sneaked a hand between their bodies, fingers finding their way back to her pulsing clit, set on pushing her over the edge. His rough thrusts pushed her back into the state she had been trapped in moments ago, no longer having control over her body. Both had a hard time grasping that this was real, that they were finally allowed to give in, secretly promising one another that they’d never part ways again. 

“You’re gonna cum, huh? Can feel you clenching around me.” (Y/n) could only choke on his name, not able to hold back as her orgasm threatened to take over, rocking through her body like a bolt of lightning striking her. His pace didn’t falter, keeping a steady grip on her to hold (y/n) close as she gave in, trembling against his body. 

His dark eyes fluttered close as he came, filling the condom with a deep groan ripping through his throat. A “fuck” left Tom, slowly loosening his grip on (y/n) to pull out of her, not picking up on the whimper leaving her, feeling empty. Their eyes searched one another, unable to stop their grins from widening as another kiss was shared, chasing their closeness.

“Are you okay, love?” (Y/n) could only nod her head, taking his reached out hand to rise from her position on the table, needing to stabilise herself with her still quivering limbs. She’d struggle with walking for the next hours, needing Tom to guide her back home, not ready to part ways just yet.

“How about I take you home with me? We could cook something, take a shower, and watch a movie?” His words were met with a kiss pressed against his lips, answering his question. And with one last glance thrown her way, Tom pulled (y/n) out of their office, hands interlaced.

[unclewaynemunson]

It was winter '86 when Nancy found out what it felt like to return to your hometown after having moved away. She had managed to skip Thanksgiving, giving her mother some vague excuse about needing to study for her midterms, but there was no way she could get out of Christmas. So here she was, wrapped in a thick coat and matching scarf, finding herself back on the very streets she had wanted so desperately to leave behind.

Moving to Boston had been a liberation for her. It had been the only way to break free from everything that happened over the past three years. Life had become normal again: she had made friends, gone to parties, taken interesting classes... She had finally been able to breathe fresh air again.

It wasn't like everything was magically alright all of a sudden, of course. She still slept with a gun beside her bed – praying that her roommate Jess would never find out about that – and she wondered if the pain of not having Barb to share all these new experiences with would ever fade away. But she was doing better. The pain wasn't as sharp anymore, far away from the streets that did nothing but remind her.

Now, it was the day before Christmas Eve and she was walking around town, with no aim but to flee from her mother's stress about needing everything about the upcoming days to be perfect.

It felt weird, walking these familiar streets again after having been away. She felt like an intruder in what once used to be her town, a place she had left behind for a reason. She still knew every road, every building, she still had memories waiting for her at every corner... But those streets weren't hers anymore.

All of these memories were about Barb. Barb, who would never get out of Hawkins. Barb, whose skeleton was decaying in the dark and twisted version of her town, right underneath the pavement Nancy was walking on. Barb, who had a gravestone with her name on it while another girl was now growing up in the room in the house that had once been hers. These streets would always stay Barb's. It was a narrative that was finished, a book that had reached its ending, and Nancy was forcing it to stay open by merely walking here.

The streets were quiet: as cold and dark as they were supposed to be on the night before Christmas Eve. Lights were twinkling in the houses Nancy passed, and on the few occasions she did cross paths with someone else, she'd always think – just for a second – that it was Barb, still sixteen and risen from her early grave to haunt her.

Wherever she went, she found shadows that only she could see, darker than they were supposed to be. She saw the shadow of their lemonade stand on the corner of Barb's street. She saw the silhouettes of two little girls with pigtails in their hair cycling hand-in-hand towards the middle school building. She saw them giggling on their way to the swimming pool, looking at store windows on Main Street after they got their first pocket money, walking out of the library with big piles of books in their arms; she saw Barb waiting for her at the community center after Nancy's ballet practice, and she saw herself on the way to Barb's to walk Bobby the dog with her. She saw two shadows on the playground, gossiping on top of the jungle gym that was shaped like a pirate ship; two shadows on their way to the pumpkin patch on the edge of town; two shadows playing tag in the woods... Two shadows leading her exactly to the last place they'd been together, where the walls of a big house were stained with Nancy's mistakes on that fateful warm November night in '83. The place where the two shadows had stopped being interlinked; where one of them had wanted other things than the other and they each went their own separate way. Where they got ripped apart from each other for good.

Nancy just stood there, unmoving and hidden away by the shadows of the evening, staring at the stones of Steve Harrington's house with no intention of going in and saying hi. She had no idea how much time passed until the door opened and a girl stepped outside.

For a moment, Nancy genuinely believed that her mere gaze had managed to summon Barb out of the swimming pool that was her grave, to finally become something far more horrifying than a shadow. It was a moment long enough to make her lose her guard and stumble forward over the pavement.

“Nance?”

It was Robin. The girl who stepped out of the house was Robin Buckley. Tall, freckled face, blue eyes... But that was all the resemblance she had to Barb

“What are you doing here?”

Nancy took a big breath and shrugged, trying to shake off the uncanny feeling.

“I was just taking a walk,” she said, trying to seem normal - or at least as normal as this situation would allow her.

Robin stared at her for a few seconds, a strange look in her eyes, as if she was trying to decipher some secret code written on Nancy's face.

Then, she nodded. “Okay,” she said, her voice carefully neutral. “Wanna walk home with me? I was gonna bike, but I can call Steve when I get home and ask him to bring me my bike tomorrow.”

Nancy could easily admit that aimlessly roaming the empty streets of Hawkins with Robin by her side sounded much more appealing than all by herself, so she agreed and allowed Robin to distract her with easy conversation while they left the big houses of Loch Nora behind them.

The two of them had kept in touch, with Robin in college in Indianapolis and Nancy at Emerson. They wrote each other letters and called almost every week. And when Nancy had arrived in Hawkins a few days ago, being around Robin again had no doubt been one of the good things about being back.

The presence of Robin beside her reminded Nancy of all kinds of other memories laid out on those streets; ones that didn't include Barb. They passed the corner where she and Steve had once made out in his car, not long after they got back together at the end of '83. They passed the playground with the trampoline where she and Mike had spent countless afternoons launching a laughing baby Holly into the air. They passed the lunchroom where she and Fred would hang out together every time they had a newspaper deadline coming up. They passed the dirt road leading up to the Byers' house, where Jonathan had run after her that day they broke up to give her a hug and make sure they'd part as friends and not just as exes. And finally, they passed the edge of the woods where she and Robin had walked side-by-side and Robin had smiled at the ground, almost shy, when Nancy asked her if they were friends, officially. Nancy remembered that as clear as if it had happened yesterday: amidst all the horrors, the fear, and the looming threats on their lives, had been this genuine smile. It had given her yet another reason to keep trying to win that fight no matter how badly the odds were stacked against them. It had warmed something deep inside of her and made her realize that her problems with Jonathan were beyond trying to save.

Now, more than nine months later and with the feeling that she'd known Robin for much longer than that, Nancy looked to her right to find that same smile playing around Robin's lips, as if she was lost in the exact same memory as Nancy.

Barb would probably keep haunting the streets of Hawkins forever, never letting that uncanny feeling in Nancy's gut fade away whenever she'd visit her old hometown. Her ghost would make the fading pain flare up, sharp and fresh all over again. But this street right here, following the edge of the woods and leading into Robin's neighborhood, was untainted by memories of Barb. The two of them had no business ever going here – contrary to Robin.

Nancy breathed out and asked herself what Barb would want her to do right now.

She'd want you to heal, Nance, Robin once told her, months ago, when Nancy had finally found the courage to talk out loud about everything that happened.

So on this cold winter night, she stretched out her hand and grabbed Robin's. She could feel warmth through their gloves, sparking all the way through her arm and chest, right into her cheeks. Robin's smile deepened and she squeezed Nancy's fingers, not letting go until they reached her front door.

Maybe being back in Hawkins wasn't as bad as Nancy thought it would be.

Ronancetober day 8: uncanny. Inspired by the song These Streets by Bastille

[villainofmyownstory]

Light years

masterlist

pairing: Simon “Ghost” Riley x android/hologram!Reader

summary: Many decades of longing. A lot of years of waiting. Hundreds of light years away from an Earth that no longer seemed like a memory, but a fictional story. A fairy tale written by poets. Earth no longer existed, and life on Zeus 2 went on as if the years of intergalactic war had never happened. As if the destruction of most of humanity had never taken place. There were still a few people on the new planet who remembered their lives on Earth. A past that was a memory stinging under the ribs. A small personal utopia for the last living people. Paradise lost.

tags: sci-fi!au, android, angst, ambiguous/open ending

1.4k words

author's note: Unfortunately, most of the 5th chapter of Day Zero, I don't know why, but it disappeared from my files, probably my mistake that I wrote it on my phone…. and I don't know when I will finish the 5th chapter. So I decided to write something else. I have never read sci-fi books, I have only watched a few movies of this genre in my life. Everything I've written here are my own thoughts about this alternate universe I've invented. Let me know what you think.

This story I wrote for @glitterypirateduck #GhostChallenge. I used prompt #’s 9 and 17. Challenge Masterlist

——————————————————————————————————

Wet streets and neon lights are two certainties of any Saturday evening. The man started his motorcycle from the parking lot with a squeal of tires. The vehicle flashed through the streets of the crowded city at high speed despite the heavy rain. Passing through one intersection after another, the man paid no attention to his surroundings. He had one goal in mind. Like every second Saturday of the month. One damn hour. Just one. Sixty minutes.

He cursed Captain Price in his mind, even though he knew the man had a visit this Saturday, sending him and Gaz to a neighboring planet to see if the unrest caused by the robot revolt has been adequately handled by the new authorities. Although they had their cybernetic teammates on the new planet, the captain trusted his human soldiers the most. Only Price and his three subordinates remembered well their service in the former Task Force 141 many decades ago on Earth. Sometimes, on their free evenings, they reminisced about their past lives, like a long-read book or a movie they watched. Memories that seemed so distant. It was hard to tell that they were their own. And yet they were. Earth had once existed. Their lives were different. A better place.

As the man approached his destination, he wondered if the next visit would look the same. Every month he deluded himself that this time it would not be like the previous one. That the clinic's staff would inform him of progress. About a breakthrough.

So much time. It had been so many, many years since they had lived on Earth. So many decades of longing and hope.

White, smooth walls. The floor lined with rectangular snow-white tiles. 134 pieces to be exact. Electronics and many screens on one of the walls. A comfortable chair and an empty space on the other side. He has long known every nook and cranny of these two rooms. The one where he stays during every visit and this small room, behind bulletproof plastic glass.

As on every single Saturday evenly at 7 pm he was greeted by the same artificial, synthetic voice.

"Welcome, you are a visiting guest at medical facility number 3 and your appointment is about to begin. Sit comfortably and enjoy the company of your still living loved ones.Thank you for using our services. To change your monthly subscription package, please head to room 221 on the 2nd floor. Memories from Earth eternally alive. Light years are no longer an obstacle. With us, everything continues uninterrupted. MedZeus 3 at your service. Light years don't matter. Earthly memories at your fingertips."

When silence falls, he counts every breath. Exactly 17, when a light comes on in the room behind the glass. The figure flickers and after a moment is visible in all her divine beauty.

You are as he remembers you. You are the same as you were taken out of his mind. A memory.

"Hi Simon!" The man clenches his tightened fists. Your voice is always the same. Bright, melodious. Joyful. Like every month you stand in the same place. In that fucking white void. So close and so far away. He dreams every day to be able to touch you again. To feel your soft and smooth skin under the pads of his scarred, rough hands. To touch your wavy hair at least once more and smell the fruity sour fragrance of your favourite perfume. He would like to see your rosy cheeks one more time. At least one damn tear in your eyes. Some human emotion.

"How was your service? You look tired. I hope the mission was successful." The same sentences spoken for months. He so longed to hear something different. Sorrow. Longing. Joy. Anger. Anything, some human feeling.

Meanwhile, everything is just as the signed script predicted. The programmed hologram of your character stands dressed in a plain black t-shirt with your favorite band and plain straight jeans. Hair tied in a loose ponytail. Just as he remembered you. Just as he saw you on the last day of his life. Yours.

If you hadn't been so stubborn, if you hadn't said those words. Maybe you would be together now. Light years from Earth. Light years from that life together.

The man slowly gets up from his chair and walks over to the glass. He removes the glove from his hand and stares at the bare palm to the cold transparent wall separating you.

“I miss you.” He finally says while swallowing that damnable, choking tightness in his throat. That bitterness that appears every time he looks at the product of his memories. You're seemingly here. You're so close. But he knows it's not you. You were now the product of his selfish desire. When he was awakened from centuries of hibernation many years ago the first thing he bought in his new reality. In his new life. You.

He damn well regretted that decision. He should have buried you long ago, erased your memories as other living people have done. Forget you and live on Zeus 2 like the others. He could eventually start a family, or adopt a small humanoid robot-child. He could even buy himself an android wife. After all, he was an intergalactic soldier. An Earth hero. One of the last humans from Earth. A myth.

That's probably why he couldn't let you go. You were something that kept him alive. Were you? No. For him all the time - you are. He didn't want to be like the others, he didn't allow his DNA to be changed. Even Captain Price was no longer fully human. He was afraid that with making him half human and half robot he would destroy the last part of you that had been in him all along.

Long minutes of silence after saying that three words. I miss you. They caused the figure behind the glass as if trying to process and quickly in gigabytes of stored data to find the answer to his words.

He smiled gently. But maybe the staff of the facility has managed to improve something, maybe there has been some kind of revolution and you will finally be more human. His again.

The hologram twitched slightly, as if it was about to disappear. The man glanced anxiously at his watch, it had been only 17 minutes since the start of the meeting.

“Simon”

Your voice is like behind a fog. His name whispered with the same tenderness when you first confessed your feelings for each other. That rainy November evening when he held you for the first time in his bare arms. When he gave you his heart. When he first said that he…

The man shakes his head. He didn't give them back those intimate memories. No. That's what he didn't transfer to the data cloud. So how is it possible…

“Don't let go, Simon. Never.” Your lips don't move. Your figure again slightly disappears for a fraction of a second. No it can't be true. Maybe this some bug in the system. A badly written code. Maybe a virus crept in, or a hacking attack. He had heard at the base, about recent cyber attacks on medical facilities. Maybe the attacks have reached his planet as well.

The image of your hologram is back to normal. As you do every month, you tilt your head slightly to the side and extend your hand. The man freezes, holding his breath. You always make this gesture at the end of your meetings.

You put up your thumb, index finger and pinkie finger, while keeping your ring finger and your middle finger down.

“I Love You” in Sign Language.

After a moment of hesitation, he extends his hand and his palm shows the same gesture. He rests his forehead on the cold glass closing his eyes.

You are about to disappear. Again you will remain just a part of a recollection. Data stored on the server.

When the man opens his eyes again he continues to see your figure. In white. A braid of tiny white gypsophila and purple eustoma flowers adorns your head. Your hair is loosely undone. Slightly curly hair reaches below your shoulders. A simple white dress covers your body from neck to ankles. Lace sleeves adorn your arms.

Time seems to have stopped. Again. As if there were no light years from earthly life. Like that tomorrow has simply arrived. Your image presented to him.

It wasn't his memory. He had no right to see you in your wedding dress. He did not have time. Tomorrow never came for the both of you.

This is your memory.

[kimmiessimmies]

Honeycomb Hills Apartments

Malte's home!

I shared a preview yesterday, but here is the full post. And when I say full, I mean "OMFG, Kim did you really have to write another essay?!" Yes. That kind of full. I'm not even sorry.

I was so happy about finishing these apartments that I plunked down three in a row. 😄

Each building has four apartments, all similar: 2 bed, 1,5 bath.

Currently, I only moved one person in: Mister Malte Nerhus, aka Rachel's... I wanna say boyfriend, but then I might be getting ahead of things... crush! Let's say crush!

Malte came to Honeycomb with not a lot of money in his pocket, happy and eager to start working at the university library. When he started looking for a place to live, a two-bedroom apartment wasn't really what he had in mind, (Malte would have been fine in a studio apartment) but it was the only thing available to non-students in Honeycomb Hills and the rent was quite affordable because these apartments are part of an experimental project set up as part of "Greenify Honeycomb Valley": the tenants of the first apartments get a discount on their rent if they fill out regular questionnaires containing questions on how to make the apartment more sustainable and eco-friendly.

So, Malte moved into a two-bedroom apartment, claiming the smaller bedroom as his own and leaving the larger one empty. If they decided to come over, it could potentially sleep his entire family (his mother, grandmother, and two sisters). He spent his money wisely and using the resources available, soon made a home out of this place.

The large windows are Malte's favourite feature of his home. He built sofas out of old mattresses. The Honeycomb campus has two rather large student dorms and whenever a student graduates and moves out of the dorm, the mattress on the bed they used gets replaced for the next resident. Some of those old mattresses are too filthy to even look at, but many are actually still in good shape. Priding itself on being green, the university actually has a website on which they put up old-but-still-good-for-another-round furnishings, free-to-collect. Malte put new, cheap coverings on the mattresses. Easy to take off and wash when needed.

Malte loves cushions and blankets. You find those all around the house. Some were already his, the others were flea-market and thrift store finds, just like all the rugs in his home. Old crates function as a coffee table and makeshift shelves. Of course there's books everywhere. The lamps are wall fixtures that were already in the house, as were the curtains, and the poster on the wall is the cover of one of Malte's favourite books, gifted to him by his colleagues from the library where he works as a housewarming present. The guitar and the laptop are Malte's own possessions and the plants are the one item he actually spent a bit of money on, because plants are a must.

Malte is a creative spirit. Painting, drawing, writing and making music all keep him sane. The painting easel was a thrift store find, and to protect the floors of his rented home, Malte put down a tarp underneath. The easel faces the window, of course. All the artwork on the wall is made by Malte or his sister Solveig. The shelves he built himself from old wood and on the top shelf there's a picture of Malte and his family. A little reminder of home.

The kitchen came with the apartment. The table consists of a couple of boards on two sets of trestles. That was an easy build.

The two folding chairs (there's a third folded against the wall next to the fridge) Malte brought from home and the other two chairs are old discarded university classroom furniture Malte found on the previously mentioned website.

Malte's bike has a place on the wall. It's his main means of transportation. The car in which he took Rachel on their second date wasn't his, a colleague lend it to him.

In the other corner of the room, there's a little workspace. The desk was another university reject and the chair a thrift store find. The paintings are Malte's own work and the pictures show him and his mother and eldest sister.

Here we have three very similar pictures from Malte's bedroom, but I still wanted to use them all xD. Here we find old mattresses again, although the top one is new. Old crates also make great night stands and a bedroom without books isn't a bedroom. The yellow lamp is a thrift store find and the green one a Swedish furniture store one. On Malte's nightstand there's a picture of his mother, grandmother and sisters. The poster above his bed as well as two on the other wall (see next picture) are enlarged prints of Saarqartoq pictures. Rachel had these printed as a gift for Malte because she knows he does miss home sometimes.

Malte doesn't have a wardrobe, but installed a rod against the wall which does the job perfectly.

In the orignal design of the room, the architect intended for people to place a bed below the high window. Malte thought this idea was no good at all. He wanted to wake up with a view! So he went against the design of the room and put his bed against the wall so it faced the tall windows and the green outside. The watermelon bean bag was his latest thrift store gem. It was just too cool to pass by.

And that concludes the tour of Malte's home. There's also a bathroom, which is just a bathroom, and a balcony, which I didn't take any pictures of at this time, but which will show up in a story post, I'm sure.

[lpanne]

Bargello

So i'm trying a new type of embroidery which is called Bargello embroidery. I saw this video and decided to try it

So i wanted to share the pitfalls i found as a cross stitcher while trying to learn this technique.

First, there are very few free resources for Bargello. There are some but compared to what is available for cross-stitch there is nothing. I did find a couple of blogs, and i found that a lot of needlepoint or embroidery books had a couple of pages about it, but those patterns were super basic)

Second the embroidery is on a grid and that lured me in with a false sense of security when trying to design a pattern. I cut a bunch of perfect squares out of 10 count plastic canvas and then set my pattern up as a grid. This was a mistake as i will try to explain in the diagram below.

basically if you cut your canvas square the design dimensions will be the number of openings in the width x that number minus one.

So not knowing this i designed a square pattern and ran out of room on the blue complete row to go over four strands like every other color and had to do three instead. (I started at the top and bottom separately and worked towards the middle, which lead to me realizing my issue only at the very end.

The pattern i'm sharing will assume you cut you canvas 34 holes wide and 35 tall. If you want a perfectly square coaster just make one color shorter like i did or cut off a row at the top or bottom of the pattern.

I used DMC's Tapestry Wool on 10 count plastic canvas.

Colors: 704, 7740, 7435, 7770 (probably should have used the 722 that came in the same pack though, but i'm using that one in a different design and was worried it would run out), 7317 and 709.

I couldn't buy the colors individually so i bought both the Tropical and Classic Collections. This dictated the colors i used and i'm not claiming the are the best colors to use for pride flag colors. Also these collections were $20 for 12 skeins which i thought was a bit steep so i waited for good discounts before buying them. I'm hoping to get another 50% off coupon before buying the collection that is all black so i can finish the edges with an overcast stitch.

So look forward to me designing a bunch of pride flag inspired bargello patterns.

Though i think this is a good beginner's project i really think this needlepoint style shines using smaller count canvas and thinner thread and a larger area overall. That way you can make some really cool patterns.

[mckiwi]

So I met David Tennant this weekend…

Story time below the cut:

Thursday 7/11: Driving Down

I live in south GA so I just drove down to Miami, FL for the convention. Left about 11:30am and got to Miami at 9pm. Checked into the hotel and ordered food from DoorDash. Practically passed out cause I was so tired from that drive.

Friday 7/12: Day Before The Convention

Friday didn’t offer much at first. I was meeting a friend down there and their flight didn’t land in Miami until that night. In the meanwhile I went to Publix to get some drinks and snacks for the room and got lunch from Subway. We went down to the boardwalk area for a bit once she landed and went downtown to get something to eat. It was a bit expensive but good, what else would you expect. Saw where Georgia posted on her story showing she and David were also downtown. Promptly freaked out and got excited at knowing he was within a few miles radius of us. (Didn’t ever see him obviously). Turns out the free public parking wasn’t free and got a ticket for $30… oops. Went back to the hotel and played Battleship and went to bed.

Saturday 7/13: Day of the Convention

Got an Uber there cause I’m not dealing with that traffic again and arrived at like 9am. Waited in line until 10am for the show floor to open. We walked around a bit cause our photo op wasn’t scheduled until 11:10. I got a TARDIS and 221B keychain as well as a Supercon t-shirt. We got in line and got our picture between like 11:20-11:30ish I think? It’s a blur tbh, I saw him and lost all track of time. It was really quick so I couldn’t really get to talk to him. It was just a “hey” “hi” 📸 “have a good one.” 👋🏻 It was a long wait in the line but it passed by pretty quickly cause I got to talk to a few other people in line. This was honestly one of the best parts of the convention besides David himself because I got to meet such like-minded people. You could strike up a conversation with practically anyone and have tons of common interests. My friend and I actually kinda made friends with this other girl that was there by herself so the three of us stuck together the rest of the day. His panel started at 12:30, so we were in line by 11:50 and sat by 12:25. His panel was really fun. It’s really interesting watching his thought process happen live cause it’s so chaotic. I love him and his failed analogies.

David: “I’m going to stop now. I can smell the frosting from here.”

They had a Q&A in the second half of the panel. The new girl and I actually got in line to do the Q&A, but if you know anything about David you know he’s gonna take his time to fully answer even the simplest of questions, so we got through maybe 6-7 questions within 30 minutes. One of those questions was actually from his own kids, so that was funny. I’m not sure if it was Olive or Wilfred that asked, they were both there.

Kid: “who’s your favorite kid?”

David: “who’s your favorite parent?”

Kid: “well Georgia just recorded for a book, so-”

After the panel, the three of us battled the autograph line. We had prepaid for our autograph, so we got in one line from like 12:45-1:45 to register our QR code or whatever and get a little blue ticket. Then we had to wait in another line from like 2:30-5 to get the autograph. Was worth it though. My friend got a book signed and she made a little drawing for him, which he accepted and had her give it to one of his kids to hold onto. I had him sign my Crowley cover of Good Omens (plan to one day have Michael Sheen sign the Aziraphale cover). I honestly can’t remember exactly how our conversation went but it was something along the lines of

David: “Hi, [my name]!”

Me: “Hey!”

David: “So you want me to just sign right here?” (Indicates top half of the inside cover)

Me: “Yea, that’s fine right there!” (Gives a second for him to sign) “I also made this for you if you’d like. It’s coasters of you and your family’s names in Gallifrayan.”

David: (finishes signing and looks up) “oh, that’s neat! That’s all of us in Gallifrayan?”

Me: “Yea, this is Wilfred’s on top I think.”

David: “Cool! Give this to them (gestures to his kids sitting beside him) so they can investigate it.”

I handed the coaster set to Olive and she did actually start investigating it which I find funny and was showing it to Wilfred. My friend also had a small interaction with them and gave them some bracelets she made. They actually put them on so that was nice. I saw them looking at the coasters still as I was walking away so I hope they like them. (Pictures are of the coasters and some examples of what they looked like. Did all 7 of their names as well as “Tennant” to make it an even 8).

After the autograph, we pretty much just wrapped things up and got ready to leave. We said bye to the new girl and exchanged contact info. Got an Uber back and DoorDashed dinner. Was in bed by 10.

Sunday 7/14: Drive Back Home

What it says on the tin. My friend had to get up at like 3am for her flight so we had to call it a night pretty early Saturday and I left the hotel about 11:30am Sunday morning. Got home about 7pm.

Overall a 10/10 experience. Even with the large crowds, no one was fighting or anything and were generally very nice. Next time there’s a convention somewhat close to me I’m totally ready to go.

[madomens]

Face It (18+)

Chapter 4

warnings: alcohol

word count: 2.2k

chapter 4

*3 months later*

It’s been three months and I haven’t heard from Noah. I know it’s for the best but I can’t help but wonder if he’s been fucking around while I sit at home wondering if he ever really cared about me.

“Noel, babe, staring at your phone isn’t going to make him text you,” KB tells me.

I sigh and place my phone face down on my counter.

“Why don’t you just text him?”

I look at her and grab the bottle of wine off the top of the refrigerator. “Fuck that. You know I’m not about to text first,” I say taking a sip.

I offer her the bottle and she takes it, pouring a glass for herself.

“Thank you for taking off today to be with me. I needed a girls day,” I smile and give her a hug.

Noah’s POV

“Dude, why don’t you call her?” Nicholas asks me. I haven’t talked to Noel in months now but it almost feels better this way. With our tour ending soon and working on our new album, I’ve barely had time to think but when I get any kind of free time, she’s all I think about.

“And say what?” I scoff. “Hey Noel I know I haven’t talked to you in months but I miss you and just want you to know I’m kind of in love with you?”

Nicholas’ eyes go wide at the last part and he smirks at me.

“Well you do talk about her every time we do anything. Have you heard the lyrics you’ve written lately? Maybe you should get over yourself and tell her how you feel.”

“I second that!” I hear Jolly yell from the back of the tour bus.

“Ughh is everyone against me right now?” I sit down on the couch.

I know they’re right but it would be pointless if I couldn’t actually do anything about it.

“You know what they say man. If you love someone you’ll make it work regardless,” Folio says as if reading my mind.

“Oh my god okay I’ll call her. Can everyone shut up now,” I put my face in my hands. “But after tonight because I need to be a hundred percent at the show.”

Nicholas throws his hands up like he just won a bet.

“I told you he’d do it!” He gives Folio a high five.

The show in California tonight went exactly the way we wanted. High energy crowds are always easy to entertain, especially during Dethrone. I tried to push Noel to the back of my mind so I could give my all but it’s almost like I saw her in every face.

“Easily one of the best shows this tour,” Matt tells us as we walk into the green room, high fiving us each.

I grab a white claw out of the mini fridge and sit back on the couch, watching the guys talk about the show tonight.

“Are you alright?” Matt asks, sitting down next to me.

“Yeah man I’m just exhausted. As much as I love doing all these shows, sometimes I think I need a break. But we can’t slow down now,” I smile at him.

He gives me a look, questioning me. “Since when does Noah Sebastian want to take a break?”

“Since he wants to fix things with Noel but refuses,” Jolly jumps into our conversation.

“I told you I’m going to call her,” I roll my eyes. And I thought I was the one so adamant about getting things done.

Finishing my drink, it’s time for us to get to the hotel we booked for a few days while we have a short break between shows.

I take some time in the shower to think about what I really want to say to Noel. The hot water feels amazing against my tense muscles and I feel like I can stay here for hours.

By the time I get out of the shower, it’s already 11 pm. I don’t even know if Noel is still awake right now.

NOELS POV

“There’s no way you actually told him that!!” I yell, feeling the effects of the wine we’ve been drinking all day.

KB laughs and continues her story about how she found out Brendan, her baby daddy, was cheating on her.

“He really thought he would get the last laugh,” she winks at me.

After a minute of drunk laughter, my phone vibrates next to me. I look to see Noah on my screen. What the fuck?

“Kaleigh he’s calling me. What do I do?” I ask in a panic.

“ANSWER IT BITCH!”

“Oh god okay.”

“Hello?”

“Noel hey. You weren’t asleep were you?”

“No, not at all. I’m with KB. Everything okay?”

KB gives me a look and continues drinking her wine.

“Oh sorry. I can call another ti-“

“No no it’s alright. Shes just about to leave actually.” I shake my head, no at KB, telling her not to actually leave. I need my best friend for this in case it goes like last time.

“Oh okay. I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t like the way we left things the last time we talked. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said and I want to try.”

My heart stops for a minute as his words register.

“What’s he saying??” Kaleigh mouths to me.

I wave her away as I try to find my words.

“You want to try? Try what Noah?”

“Us.”

My mouth drops open for a second. I definitely wouldn’t have started day drinking if I knew this is how it would go.

“What does that mean? What about you not having time?”

“I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m going to try to make us work along with the band and everything else. I can’t stand another day of wondering ‘what if’”

The lump in my throat doesn’t seem to dissipate, finally hearing the words I wanted to hear all along.

“What changed your mind?”

“You did, Noel.”

Kaleigh still trying to hear everything, has her ear pressed against mine. I stand up and walk to the kitchen to try to get some kind of alone time.

“Where are you right now?”

“California. But in a week we’ll be done with touring. I want to come see you again. I miss you.”

Is this really happening right now?

“I miss you too. Come. I mean I’ll be here and you know where the key is.”

Noah laughs, a sound that I’ve desperately missed.

“Okay. I’ll um call you tomorrow?”

“Yeah that’s great. I’ll talk to you tomorrow Noah.”

After hanging up, KB immediately asks what was said. My cheeks are painfully hot as I take in everything that was just said.

“He said he wants to try us being together I think,” I know I look a hot mess smiling so big but I never thought he would actually come around to it. I know how important the band is to him so I’m a little worried about how this will all go.

KB shrieks and jumps up and down giving me a huge hug.

“I knew he wanted to be with you! I’ve seen the way yall are around each other. I’m happy for you, babe!” She hands me the almost empty bottle of wine and brings her cup up in the air. “A toast. To you and Noahhh.”

I clink my bottle against her glass and say, “Cheers!”

Maybe it’s the alcohol in my system but now that I’ve finally talked to Noah again, I want to call him back and tell him all about how the past few months have been. I want to ask him how tour is going and just hear him talk.

“Okay I am so so happy for you but it is 11:30 and we both work tomorrow. I need to head home and make sure my baby is in the bed,” KB gives me another hug.

“I love you so much! Thank you for spending today with me, Ill see you in the morning,” I tell her as she leaves.

I took a quick shower and did my skin care routine fairly quickly. It’s already 12:42 in the morning so I can still get a decent amount of sleep if I go to sleep soon, but laying in the bed, all I think about is that phone call with Noah. Still feeling the effects of the wine has me excited about the way he sounded so confident in wanting us to be together. That tiny bit of worry in my mind tells me not to get too excited just yet.

I tell myself that this is what I’ve wanted for a long time and silence the worry, eventually falling asleep with Noah heavy on my mind.

“Fuuuuck,” I wake up in a panic for the second time this week, grabbing my phone out from under my pillow. I have to stop drinking the night before work, I think to myself as I jump out of bed to quickly get ready for work at 9:50.

I brush my teeth and throw my hair up in a claw clip, usually taking the time to do something cute with it when i'm not thirty minutes late waking up. No time to do my makeup at home so I grab the essentials and grab a Celsius energy drink from my fridge, leaving right at 10. At least I won’t be late this time.

“Jesus, Noel, rough night?” My manager, John, looks me up and down as I walk in and get straight to opening up the bar.

“Yeah, something like that,” I chug my Celsius hoping to get a little more energy.

Work goes by so slowly, I think about taking a nap in the server room. Monday mornings are always the slowest, especially when its 20 degrees (farenheit) outside. You’re telling me no one wants a vodka cran at 11 am on a Monday? Crazy. That honestly doesn’t sound too bad to me right now.

“One more thing before you leave Noel,” John tells me as I’m about to head out the door to go home. “Me and KB were talking a few days ago about maybe seeing how you feel about being a key holder.”

Oh god I knew this would come eventually. Being a key holder is basically a step down from being a manager, and I’ve seen so many servers and bartenders work their way up and end up absolutely hating it. It’s like as soon as you get a polo shirt, everyone treats you like shit. I think I’ll pass up on that wonderful opportunity.

“Before you give me an answer, I want to explain to you why I think you’d be a good fit,” he goes on about how I’ve been here for a while and how I take work seriously and yadda yadda, the usual spill. “Just take a few days to think on it and let me know.”

“Yeah sure I’ll let you know. Did KB recommend me or something? I mean why talk to her and not another manager?” I question.

“Well we asked her first and she declined us and told me you might be interested,” he smiles.

As if right on cue, my phone starts ringing. Thank you Noah.

“I have to take this. See you tomorrow,” I tell John, walking out of Shiners for the day.

“Thank god you have no idea how you just saved me from a thirty minute conversation with John”

Noah chuckles over the line.

“Well you know me, always right on time.”

“So tell me about touring! How are the guys?”

“So good. This is definitely an unforgettable one for sure. Matt thinks with the new album we could really move up in the charts. The guys are all good.”

He pauses for a second and clears his throat before continuing.

“It was actually the guys that kept pushing me to call you. Folio wasn’t lying when he told you I really don’t shut up about you.”

I don’t think my smile can get any bigger than it is right now.

“Well I’m glad you listened to them. Things have been kind of a mess since you left the way you did. I want to apologize to you about making you leave like that, I just didn’t want to say something I know I would regret.”

“Noel, you have nothing to apologize for. I guess I just needed to open my eyes and realize that I really don’t want to be without you.”

I sigh, unlocking to door to my house and seeing the huge mess me and KB left last night.

“I think we both needed to. I just can’t wait for you to come stay with me again. I found a movie I really think you’d like.”

We talked on the phone for almost two hours before Noah had to get ready for sound check. I got a quick shower and threw on the first oversized shirt I could find, which just so happened to be a shirt Noah left at my house forever ago. Scrolling mindlessly through TikTok, I ended up falling asleep, phone still in hand. Today was a good day.

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psa: the pics are just generally what i picture them to look like, not exactly so picture them how you want

psa part 2: slay