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imagintheworldaway · 4 years

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Used Pt 2

Anonymous said: Hello i loved your post “used” with Harry and i just wanted to know if you are planning a part 2 in the future?!?

Anonymous said: Loved your most recent imagine of Harry! Can you plzzzzz make a part 2 of used, where she’s a bad B and becomes even more successful and she’s better off without him? Thank you!

A/N I loved that you guys loved the first one! I went through a few different ideas / endings for this one and I think I'm happy with the outcome! warning it is a long one so strap in!

Used Pt 1 can be found here

Requests are open!

That night at Harrys apartment felt like a life time ago. The breakup wasn’t messy as neither of us addressed it really, I archived all of my posts of him and he had done the same for me and that was about it. It didn’t take the fans to catch on but what can you expect, they know more about me than I do. it had been almost 6 months to the date, not that I was counting or anything but I honestly felt like Harry was my soulmate at the time. Oh how love can blind you.

The past few months I had submerged myself into my channel and my fans. I had done an array of meet and greets and was interacting more with them, and honestly my love for YouTube was restored and I felt like a whole new person. I had had a full make over and due to this my channel had grown immensely and I had hit 50 million subscribers, a huge achievement which I never though would happen. it was amazing to see the amount of support I was gaining from my fans and how much I had grown, from a naive teenager to a young adult. I had received an overwhelming amount of support from my friends. When Harry and I broke up they tried not to take sides but It was evident that that couldn’t last forever and I was ok with that.

I had just finished a meeting with my manager at her office. With my new look and attitude brands seemed to swarm at me and I was gaining so many new opportunities it was kind of crazy. It was like I was a completely different person and it seemed to be working in furthering my career. I got in my Uber and made my way to my new apartment, after the break up I felt like starting a new was best and so I moved into my new multi million apartment in knightsbridge. It was nice to be in an area by myself as it meant that I had more privacy and was able to truly live my best single life. Plus a tour of new apartment left many of my friends in awe, and honestly I loved that I could show off all my hard work.

I thanked my Uber driver and made my way to my apartment, once inside I collapsed on my sofa and kicked off my heels, which I was still getting used to in all honesty. Having changed from living in baggy jumpers and old trainers was a bit of a shock but I loved wearing my more out there wardrobe, with tighter clothes and higher heels, my makeup always done to perfection, I always felt like people had their eye on me and I felt amazing. My change in personality and look hadn’t gone unnoticed either, although they didn’t say anything I could tell my friends liked my new attitude, after wallowing in self pity for a few months I think they’re happy that I’m back and stronger than what I was before.

I still thought about Harry from time to time. How I not so secretly still had one of his jumpers and when I was alone id wear it, just to feel his embrace once more. When we had initially broken up it took him less than two days to send Freezy round my apartment to drop off my box of things and to request his stuff back. I know Freezy felt bad but what choice did he have if Harry wanted to erase me from his life then so be it. More fool him, I had grown so much and if he was truly clout chasing then he should’ve stuck around a little longer.

I woke up to my doorbell ringing. I must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa. I stretched a little when the doorbell kept ringing. “Jeez I’m coming” I mumbled to myself. I pressed the array of buttons for who ever it was to get through the front gate and after a few minutes I opened the door to reveal Talia. “Have you been sleeping?” She giggled at me as she walked into my apartment, propping herself up on one of my breakfast stools. “Hmm, oh yh, busy day” I laughed closing the door and standing the other side of the breakfast bar looking up at her.

“Soooooo” I edged her to start talking. “Oh right sorry, your release party, Simon was pestering me to ask you if a certain arsehole could come?” She said the last part in a sheepish tone. Fuck, my release party I completely forgot, I had had so much on my plate that I forgot I was opening a club and releasing my own line of spirits. I stood up looking at Talia with a confused look “why the hell would I invite my ex to my release party?”. I reached up and grabbed two wine glasses pouring us each a glass of rosé. Passing over a glass to Talia as she pondered her reply. “Honestly I said the same but apparently all the lads feel bad as everyone we know is invited except for him” she swirled her glass of wine and took a sip as I copied her mentioned. In all fairness it was rude that I invited everyone but him, plus it was going to be the event to beat, and I had a few spaces on the guest list. “T, I don’t know” I shrugged at her sighing. “If I was you id tell him to stick it where-“ Talia started before I cut her off “I know, I know, it does seem a little harsh, I have invited so many people and, well, you know what fuck it, I’ll get my manager to add him to the list if you let him know” I decided. Talia looked gobsmacked, I had never seen her this speechless in our lives. “Are you sure, he’s a dick like you really don’t have to” she said cocking an eyebrow at me. “Look its not fair, plus there’s going to be hundreds of people there and the likelihood of us actually interacting are practically 0” I stated. Which was true, there was going to be just about the whole British YouTube community there, as well as some celebrities and journalists, and I would have my team around me at all times so the chance of him even getting near me is slim.

That night Talia and I had gotten wasted, watching movies and just have a nice little girly night. However, right now I was shaking in my heels. My hair and makeup had been done to perfection and I was in a body hugging dress which showed off all of my curves perfectly. I looked almost like a model that’s how good I looked. I of Course was going to be the last to arrive at the venue, I needed everyone to be chatting with flutes of complimentary champagne when I entered so all attention was on me, as conceited as this sounds my publicists and manager had worked months for this to run as perfect as possible. I arrived at the venue and I could hear the music from outside “you ready?” My manager, Lucy asked. I nodded my head and made my way through the back entrance. I stood behind the stage door with a mic in one hand and a bottle of my own vodka in another. “Deep breaths, you’ll smash it” Lucy smiled at me, I just nodded and plastered on a smile, I heard the music die down a little and the door opened and I made my way on stage. An eruption of applause and cheering began from my friends and guests. I smiled taking it all in for a moment before I raised the mic to my mouth.

“Thank you all so much for being here today and supporting me in my new business venture. If you would have told me a year ago that this is where I would be I would have laughed. These past few months I’ve grown more than I ever have, my channel, my business and more importantly myself. I can’t thank you all enough for the continuous love and support, without you guys or my fans I wouldn’t be where I am today. So id like you to all enjoy a complimentary glass of my new Vodka and enjoy yourselves. Because tonight is about friends and loved ones. So let’s get wasted!!!” I recited my speech cheering at the end. I got a mass amount of applause and cheers and I smiled looking over the crowd. I could see all my friends together happy, the way it should be and I smiled until I saw him, he actually came. My smile faltered slightly and my breath hitched in my throat. I quickly shook it off and made my way to the stairs, exiting the stage. I was quickly engulfed in a mass of hugs and bodies, people I knew and some I didn’t all congratulating me.

I had done it I had made it and all on my own.

After about half an hour I made it over to my closest group of friends. They all cheered when I went over and I did a mock curtsey, careful not to reveal too much. I got handed a glass of something and started polite conversation. “We’re all so proud of you” Gee gushed “you’ve done so well I can’t believe that you are basically the most sought after name at the moment” freya added. “ I couldn’t have done it without you guys” I smiled. “Oh shut up little miss humble” Ethan who had clearly had a bit much to drink already. “You’re the queen of UK YouTube, you have your own empire going and you built it all yourself” he grinned at me before smothering me in a hug. “You need to be in more of our vids then maybe we’d be doing just as well as you” Simon commented earning a laugh from the group. “Here’s to Y/N the baddest bitch I know” Talia toasted and everyone joined in. I smiled as we fell into polite chatter. “I’m just nipping outside” I informed my friends smiling at them before making my way to the balcony. I leant over the edge and smiled, nothing could ruin my life right now. I thought to myself. That was until I heard footsteps approach me from behind and the body heat of someone I could recognise in an instant next to me. “Before you say anything I’m here to congratulate you” Harry said. I kept my gaze forward, not wanted tears that I didn’t know still existed for him to spill. “I’m so proud of you, honestly I am, so are my family, they miss you, I miss you” I turned my body and met Harrys gaze. I studied his face, he had bags under his eyes and the usual scruff on his beard was longer than he usually kept it, his hair was also scruffy, not scruffy like usual but tangled and unkept. He was wearing smart trousers and a nice button up shirt, no blazer, Harry hated formal clothes. “Thank you” was all I was able to say as I smiled at him. “You know, with every day that goes by someone reminds me how I fucked up and should have kept a death grip on you, that you were the best part of me and now I’m just some boring kid who plays Fifa” I half chuckled at the end. I felt sorry for him, it seemed that I had grown and succeeded and that Harry had stayed stagnant in his life. “Harry, I, I don’t know what you want me to say” I looked at him with sorry eyes, I think maybe I still loved him, but I had been doing so well without him I just I didn’t know whether I wanted to kiss him or kill him. “No I, I get that, I was a dick. I was in a rut and I took it out on you. And well honestly seeing you do so well without me just shows how I was holding you back. I’m proud of you, I’m happy for you, honestly I am bear, sorry Y/N” we had made eye contact at this point. So many memories came flooding back to me. Our first kiss, our first date, the nights we spent talking about what we wanted to name our children, and how we wanted to have a house in Guernsey and one in London. How we were going to grow old together and never let the other go.

I broke my gaze when I heard Lucy call my name. I took a deep breath. “I loved you harry, with all my heart, with all my being and I was willing to stay and love you no matter what. I think I still do love you. But right now I need to focus on me, my empire has only just started and I don’t want us to back peddle. The only way for me is forward no mater if you’re there with me or not.” I spilled my heart out to Harry before I heard Lucy call me name again. “Sorry” was all I could say before I headed back inside. I wiped a stray tear from my eye and took one last look at harry, I had left him so broken. But now was time to put me first Y/N is number one in my life and as much as I wanted to fall back into my old self I couldn’t. I had made promises and shown that after heartbreak you can build and make yourself stronger than before. And I was not about to throw it all away.

#sidemen #Harry Lewis x reader #Harry Lewis one shot #Harry Lewis imagine #wroetoshaw #harry lewis #w2s

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fire-fira · 4 years

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Nonbinary Awareness Week Day 5: Misconceptions

What’s something people most commonly get wrong about my gender?:

That I’m ‘in between’ woman and man.

That by saying I’m third-gender that somehow means I’m ‘both’ a woman and a man (and no shade to anyone who’s bigender or genderfluid/flux and those are their gender(s), but that is NOT what I am).

That I say I am what I am for ‘attention’. (Seriously, wtf.)

That I’m ‘confused’. (And my grandmother can piss off entirely in that regard tbh.)

That by not having a gender that has anything to do with being a woman or a man that it automatically means I’m agender. (Again, no shade to people who are agender, but that’s just not what I am.)

That all nonbinary people have the same gender and therefore my gender will match another enby’s or theirs will match mine. (Especially since in my experience I’m very frequently the first-- out --enby that people in my area who aren’t nonbinary encounter.)

What do I think are the most dangerous misconceptions about nonbinary people?:

That we’re all faking who we are for attention and therefore ‘should’ be brushed off and ignored instead of being ‘humored’ in our ‘delusions’. (Yes that attitude pisses me the hell off. Immensely.)

That all enbies are skinny white AFAB teens who thrive on drama-- and therefore ‘should’ be ignored, etc, etc.

That we’re ‘trans-lite™️’ and therefore our concerns aren’t as important as binary trans people’s.

That being nonbinary is a ‘fad’, which serves to erase the fact that people who don’t fit in rigidly defined and gendered boxes have existed as long as humanity has. In the worst cases this can be so damn isolating that it can have serious negative mental (and physical) health consequences.

I could keep going, particularly in regards to what little information is out there regarding our social outcomes (I highly recommend checking out [this report by the National Transgender Discrimination Survey]-- focused only on the US, sorry-- if you’re curious), but tbh it’s upsetting enough that I don’t care to get into the specifics atm.

Among what groups do I encounter misconceptions most commonly?:

That’s a good question.

I guess I can say mostly from those who are ignorant and unwilling to learn that there are life experiences beyond their own understanding of how the world works. Some are that way because they’re convinced their way is the only way; others are that way because they’re convinced if they ask any questions they’ll immediately be torn into and attacked because they think enbies are so ‘unreasonable’.

White christians or white people of christian-branched religions are pretty well prone to not getting it. I’m sorry, but a lot of you have a REALLY hard time wrapping your heads around the idea that the gender binary isn’t the be-all and end-all of gender. (Not saying this is true of all of you by any means-- I actually know and am friends with some white christians who have zero difficulty with the idea and letting people be who they are-- but it’s still pretty damn pervasive.)

Cis people who (to their knowledge) don’t interact with trans or nonbinary people all that much, if at all. If this describes you, please educate yourself. There are loads of resources out there and tons of information.

What’s one thing binary people need to understand about my gender?:

I am what I’ve always been. I’m not a woman, I’m not a man, and I’m not genderless-- my gender just has zero relation to womanhood or manhood-- and this isn’t some recent development. The only difference between now and the past is that in the past I was lying about my gender and trying to piece together what it was without any real points of reference. No, this doesn’t mean I’m ‘lost’ or ‘confused’ or ‘delusional’ or ‘lying for attention’; it means that I had to figure out who I am without social scripts set in place to tell me what I ‘should’ have been, and therefore I know myself better than a lot of people can say about themselves. And above all else, my gender shouldn’t be any more a radical ‘personal’ statement than it is for a woman or man to assert what they are.

What should binary people never say to or ask me?:

“You’re so pretty. Why would you do that to yourself?/Why would you hate yourself that much?” FFS, being nonbinary is not a ‘condition’ and me being ‘pretty’ doesn’t even fucking enter into it because I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE GD BONE-STRUCTURE OF MY FACE. So please, for the love of everything, do NOT ever use my looks to call my gender into question or act like my gender is somehow an expression of self-hate.

“Are you sure you’re nonbinary?” I. Am 34. Goddamn. Years old. I get that I’m like a freaking elf and look younger than I am, but I think I freaking know myself by now. Plus? Anyone who’s willing to say outright in public that they’re nonbinary has already put a lot of thought into their gender and identity. If they’re saying it to you, you’d damn well better believe that they’re sure about who they are. (And btw, it’s condescending and arrogant AF to think you know someone’s gender(s) better than they do.)

“Your hair’s so long and feminine! Why would you not want to be a woman?” 1) I. AM. NOT. A. WOMAN. Do not fucking call me one or imply I’m one. 2) There is nothing inherently feminine about long hair. There are more cultures than mainstream US culture, and I’m freaking Native-- so knock it tf off with that ‘long hair is always girly’ crap. (Apologies to people in general for how snarly that is, but when you’ve been called something you’re not your entire life it can get infuriating as hell.)

“At least you’re consistent. Not like some people who can’t make up their minds.” Seriously, do not. Just do not throw genderfluid/genderflux enbies under the bus because you have a harder time grasping someone’s gender shifting than the idea of someone like me whose gender is static.

Just... stop with the equating things beyond people’s control to femininity or masculinity.

“All nonbinary people are AFAB.” It’s ignorant af. Do not.

I’m calling it good here. This is grumpy enough without extending it further.

---

[Day 1]

[Day 2]

[Day 3]

[Day 4]

#NBWeek #Nonbinary Awareness Week #NonbinaryAwarenessWeek #nonbinary #non-binary #my life #long post

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catboyfeli · 5 years

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even though i don’t identify as a cis girl anymore, i’m still so fucking passionate about atypical cishets? because god, back when i ided as a cis girl, i constantly felt like shit for my attraction to men being abnormal and more similar to gay men’s experiences.

people think being cishet is fitting into cisheteronormativity but? it’s not??? cishets who crossdress, present gnc or androgynous, behave gnc or androgynous, feel a disconnect from their gender due to not fitting into gender roles, relate more to the opposite sex, face misdirected homo/transphobia, take on the opposite gender role in society/relationships, etc. exist.

because like? gender isn’t just “oh i identify as my agab, being a male, so i fit into the male gender role” nor is it “oh i’m a masculine woman but i still fit perfectly into the female gender role despite how different my experiences are from most women”

i’m just so passionate about this and i wish it was a more well known issue. it makes me hate the hate towards straight and cis people in lgbtq spaces even more than i already did. i think maybe that’s also part of why so many young people id as nonbinary now, because being cishet is “wrong” and “easy” even though being queer at all would make you lgbtq, even if you’re not trans or sga/ssa.

i just wanna give gnc cishets all the love in the world because they fuckin deserve it and shouldn’t feel pressures to id as something they’re not to get ACTUAL support. gnc people experience things so differently from gender conforming people, and there’s no support for cishet ones and that saddens the hell out of me

just? imagine being a very feminine cishet man who gets bullied for ‘being gay’ and struggles to find a woman who’s open to dating him when he takes on the feminine role in a relationship? and presents and behaves femininely? maybe gets mistaken as a girl depending on how he presents? doesn’t relate to the typical ‘male’ experience? relates more to womanhood despite identifying as a man? imagine getting no support for this? imagine being treated the same as your oppressors even though they oppress you as well, just in different ways? imagine being shunned out of queer spaces despite being queer just b/c you’re not lgbt, even though lgbt and lgbtq aren’t the same thing?

i use men as an example since gnc women are a LITTLE more accepted than gnc men, but only a little bit.

...maybe i’m too empathetic. idk. maybe i’ll make a blog for it. idk. i just know how i felt when i identified as a cis girl, and how i still feel now due to my lingering connection with being female, and it’s so isolating and makes you fucking hate yourself. i mean, i was/am bi, but my attraction to men was just so atypical, meanwhile my attraction to women wasn’t, and it felt like i could never talk about it or else i was ‘actually straight uwu’ and no one would understand anyway. no one understands nOW what it’s like to be attracted exclusively to feminine, gnc, queer, etc. men and how different it is from being attracted to the average man, how different it is as a female to be attracted exclusively to those types of men (types who are usually gay and therefore not into you), esp when hetero attraction is shit on by the lgbtq community lol, even if that attraction doesn’t conform to the standard (which would be queer by definition, but y’know)

i just hate tumblr and lgbtq culture’s way of acting like hetero attraction and experiences are all the same and all fit into the cisheteronormative mold, cause lemme tell you, i would’ve fucking killed to have gotten some hetero content i could ACTUALLY relate to and enjoy, esp without people saying it’s “””lesser””” than gay content lol. oh and let’s not forget how i could never talk about this without people saying “shut up straightie you have tons of content” like :))) genuinely fuck you.

even now, i can’t help but wonder if i’m really nonbinary or just subconsciously started identifying as such to feel more valid in my experiences. is my dysphoria gender related or do i just feel a disconnect from my gender due to the things i listed above???

a m/f relationship doesn’t inherently conform to cisheteronormativity!! a m/f relationship can be queer and you genuinely cannot change my mind on that!! i want content of a very feminine gnc man dating a very mascuilne gnc girl!! like a ‘twink’ dating a ‘butch’ for example!! that’s all i want god dammit!!!!!! maybe they even get mistaken as a gay couple sometimes who knows!!! and if you don’t like me using the word queer then pretend i used atypical instead!! the point is that atypical cishets deserve!! pride and support!!! and REPRESENTATION!!

i dunno. if anyone actually read all this and wants to help out with a blog for some gnc support/positivity then let me know. it’d be geared towards cisgender people who experience atypical heterosexual attraction, but be for anyone gnc in the end. i’m just... very passionate about this. it’s one of the things i’m most passionate about due to my own experiences, and i don’t really feel comfortable in the lgbtq community due to all of this shit. i don’t like my experiences, feelings, and struggles being erased. i don’t like m/f relationships being seen as inherently cisheteronormative. i don’t like cishets being shit on. i don’t like there being no representation for queer/atypical m/f couples. i don’t like there being no support for these people when!! they deserve it!! and belong at pride just as much as anyone else!!!!

when i say straight people deserve pride, i’m not referring to your typical straight person. i’m referring to the different ones, the ones that don’t conform to binary gender norms, the ones that face misdirected homo/transphobia, the ones that are queer, the ones that give a big “fuck you” to cisheteronormativity. and no, this does not mean that i think a guy liking pink would be queer; that’s not what i’m saying at all. liking things that are girly is different from being gnc. liking baking and clothes designing is very different from being a man who navigates society and relationships differently due to not conforming to the ‘male’ gender role.

not conforming to gender roles and being nonbinary are different but similar and valid things. i just... yeah. i could go on for hours, but i won’t. i just hope maybe someone out there understands what i’m trying to say. i want to make a difference and end the idea that cishets all conform to cisheteronormativity and don’t belong at pride. because yeah, ofc your typical cishet doesn’t need pride, but atypical ones? they’re more than deserving of it. they deserve to be proud in a society that shits on them for not adhering to their strict standards of how a person is ‘supposed’ to be. maybe i can turn ‘atypical cishet’ into a term, idk. i just want atypical cishets and those who experience atypical hetero attraction to have a community. maybe i could make a blog like that, too?

god i spent over an hour typing this up you can tell i’m passionate about it esp considering no one’s gonna read it (and if they do, will just get mad probably lol)

#wren speaks #long post #vent #ignore #queer #queer word #q word

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endobiologist · 5 years

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What Being Trans Is Like; A Guide For Allies

Hello, let me introduce myself. My name is Atom Yorke. I am a 16-year-old transgender and pansexual man, and you should probably get some popcorn ready because I've got a lot to say.

I'll split this up into categories so you can go page by page.

DEFINITION Now to begin this, if you're not sure what transgender means, transgender people are people whose brain does not match their body in gender. For example, I am a man. However I was born in a body most would call "female". I am a transgender man. This may be a radically new concept for some of you, but the truth is that we've been around since the dawn of humanity. Our history has been heavily modified and erased. In fact, any history that's not white, christian, heterosexual & cisgender has been shoved down to the darkest confines of information, where people have to look to find it. The truth is even ancient cultures have records of trans people, of nonbinary people, and of other LGBTQ concepts. This was one of the things they most heavily tried to erase during the ruthless colonization of Christianity.

You may be surprised to learn that yes, you yourself have met a trans person! Chances are you've met a lot of them, actually.

The reason why we're never seen is because until a little ways back, we would be imprisoned, killed or worse just for being out. Now that we finally have a voice, we're speaking loud. But still, some trans people do not wish to be that way, and they will stay quiet their whole lives and blend in with the rest of society. Because of many people living in hiding, surveys are skewed and we have no real way to quantify just how many transgender people there are in the world. But there are a lot. And we matter, just like you.

MISCONCEPTIONS First off, there are a LOT, and I mean A LOT of misconceptions about transgender people. And it's not an accident. The lack of information and the stereotypes that have been given have been due to not only ignorance, but intentional covering up of the truth of who we are, and blatant propaganda against us. Many people think trans people are "out to get them" like they're some kind of "cross-dressing predators looking to peep in on the other gender". I can assure you, we are nothing of the sort. This falsehood would be laughable, if it didn't hurt so many people. Nearly 60% of trans people in America are outright TERRIFIED to go to the bathroom, (or go anywhere, really) due to them being harassed, assaulted, and worse inside. We are the ones being attacked in bathrooms, not you. We are the ones being attacked out in the streets, not you. We are not predators, we are quite literally the prey for the real predators. And this has to change. And the way it changes is through spread of information, and actual facts.

A trans woman is a woman. She is not a "man in a dress". A trans man is a man. He is not a "woman in disguise". A trans person is a person. They are not "confused".

There have been multiple scientific studies done on transgender people's brains, and they have revealed, every time, that your brain will match your gender, even if your genitalia does not. The reason for this is due to how you develop in the womb. In utero, the brains form one way, and the genitalia develops another way. Most of the time they match, creating what is known as a cisgender person, aka a person who is not trans. Occasionally, the brain will develop in one gender and the sexual organs will develop in a different way due to an influx of different hormones during pregnancy, causing a trans person to be born.

To restate that; A trans person's brain matches their gender, not their genitalia. It has been scientifically proven. To argue that trans people "do not exist", are "confused", are "pretending" or anything else of the sort is foolish, and a rejection of science and reason altogether.

TERMINOLOGY Also, before you say "Well, if they existed forever, where are all these new terms coming from and why are we only now seeing trans people?" The reason being is you have seen trans people. You haven't seen these words because they are helpful labels we have only created recently for concepts that are ancient. The reason for all this new influx in trans activity is due to the internet and the spread of its information, which causes so many people to feel much safer and begin to come out. Now, let's take a look at the vocabulary of trans people, so you have an easier time understanding the lingo!

LGBTQ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer. Refers to the community. FTM - Female to Male. A trans man. MTF - Male to Female. A trans woman. T - Testosterone E - Estrogen HRT - Hormone Replacement Therapy. The medical procedure of hormone replacement to look more like your actual gender. Binder - A form of undergarment that is like a very tight sports bra that binds the chest of trans men & sometimes nonbinary people so they can appear flat-chested. Packer - A fake penis (or sometimes a rolled up sock, etc.) used to make trans men look like they have a bulge. Tucking - A technique trans women use to make them look like they have no bulge. Top surgery - Surgery on your chest to correct it to your gender. Bottom surgery - Surgery on your genitalia to correct them to your gender. Coming out of the closet - Telling the world and everyone openly that you are LGBTQ, or in this case transgender. Stealth - A term referring to trans people who go completely "undercover", and keep the fact that they're trans hidden so they can just enjoy a normal life. Gender dysphoria - A feeling of heartwrenching, guttwisting wrongness in a trans person's soul when someone calls them by the gender they are not, or sometimes when reminded of their body. Gender euphoria - A feeling of either complete contentedness, or giddy joyful excitement when their gender is affirmed.

HOW IT FEELS; A WATERED DOWN VERSION Now that we got all that out of the way, I wrote a short summary of what it feels like to be trans, from my perspective.

Imagine you're in the womb. It's a clean slate, nothing but peace. Then from the moment you're born, you're immediately categorized by your sexual organs and colour-coded. "It's a girl!" They say. They wrap you in a pink blanket. Your whole life you're told to be a girl, and so that's what you are. It was the first thing someone decided that you are. But the whole time you live in this fake life you feel... empty. Every time you use the girl's bathroom, there's a gnawing part of you that says you shouldn't be there. When kids around you are playing on a bouncy slide, playing a game of boys vs. girls, you always feel like you belong on the other side, for some nagging reason. Your grandmother keeps buying you skirts, bras, dresses, because you ask for them. You think that's what it takes for you to feel normal. You never wear them. "Maybe I'm not girly enough." So you try to be even more of what you are not. And every time, you feel this pit, this twisting gnawing void that aches and only aches more as you grow older. You don't know what it is. It gets worse every time someone says the word "She". "Girl." "Have a nice day, ladies." You tear through your room, looking for anything that doesn't look like the dresses your grandmother buys you. You cry and cry like you've never cried before, and you don't know why you're crying. What is it that's wrong with me? And after a while you decide you want your hair cut. Maybe that's what it is. Then you think, "Maybe it's because I eat a lot. Girls are supposed to be self-conscious of their weight, right?" So you blame your weight. Until you realize that's not the issue at all. Because one day you wake up. It hits you. And you put the pieces together. I'm not what they forced me to be all my life. There was a reason I was always uncomfortable. I'm not a girl... That was an option? That was even an option? I'm not forced to stay in this cell? There's actually NOT something wrong with me?

All I felt was profound relief at first, but soon enough the relief turned to paralyzing fear. This was the beginning, and also the end of my life, and I was only thirteen. But some people don't find out until they're adults, sometimes even until they're in their old age. It doesn't make anyone any less who they are. But man, does it uproot your whole life to fix things. If you realize at a young age it's easier because then you don't have as much paperwork to deal with, but you still no matter what have to deal with it, and people make it as hard as they possibly can for you, because of petty ignorance. I've had multiple cases of people straight-up refusing to give me my legal documents back (such as my insurance card which I need for my literally life-saving medication) because of ignorance or malicious transphobia. I had to actually argue with people to put my insurance card through, something that was common sense, that I had all the legal documentation for, that could be typed in at the push of a button, and costs nothing for them. But they had "never came across this situation before" so they argued with me for a good while about doing it until they finally gave in.

I've had cases of family members, family friends turning on me and calling me "tranny", a "confused girl", I've been told that there was "no masculinity in my eyes" when they looked at me. I was yelled at, screamed at in front of family and friends that I would never be a man. I've been insulted in front of people, I've been ridiculed and humiliated. But I will stand tall. You know why? Because it is A MILLION times better dealing with all this than dealing with not being who I truly am. I'm myself, and if anyone's got a problem with that, they can take it up with me.

The sad truth is, if you're trans, you unfortunately are going to experience horrible, horrible things like this. It's an inescapable reality. But that does not mean it's without hope. Every person can be educated, even if it may not seem so at first. Don't give up hope, because there is so much more beauty than you're seeing right now, and wouldn't you like to get to see it?

If you're an ally, you're here to make sure this feeling they have happens less. So, here is how to treat a trans person, written from the perspective of a trans person.

HOW TO HELP TRANSGENDER PEOPLE (from the perspective of a trans person)

1. Treat them with basic human respect. Aka refer to them how they want to be referred, you know, by their ACTUAL name and pronouns, not the ones you're clinging to desperately. You may think "What's the big deal?" about being misgendered, because as a cis person you've never been forced to live in a body that's not your own. You have ZERO frame of reference for how a trans person feels, or experiences their life, and so the very least you could do, even if you may not understand, is treat them with basic human decency. It literally costs you nothing to just be a civil human being.

2. Ask questions! (to a point. Don't be creepy or disrespectful.) If you are concerned you are not treating a trans person completely right due to not knowing, or you have something you're curious about, or you just don't understand us at all--ask! Please ask! We love it when you consider our needs, it makes us feel more appreciated. And asking questions opens important communication pathways, that lead to higher understanding, empathy, and acceptance of each other, which can only lead to higher growth for everyone involved. However, if you start getting really nosy about it by asking us weird questions when you barely know us like "Have you had the surgery yet? What do your genitalia look like?" Or the much dreaded "What's your original name?" Then you know you've gone too far. I mean, come on, you wouldn't ask a regular person that question, so why would you ask us?!

3. Speak up for them when they have no voice. This is probably by far the most huge thing you can do for a transgender person. A minor example; If they're in a very uncomfortable situation, like say for example they are getting misgendered by the cashier over and over at the grocery store and you can see they're too nervous to correct them, or even if they have corrected them themselves multiple times but the person will not give them that basic respect, the best thing you can do in that moment is step in and correct them for them. I've had someone do it for me, and it makes me feel euphoric that someone actually stood up for me. Just back us up when we need back up, cause we very rarely have that support. A lot of trans people have no support whatsoever. Any support you can show a transgender person will help them exponentially more than you know. Some allies will post LGBTQ positive things on their social media pages, meanwhile some others take this to extremes by becoming huge supporters of LGBTQ communities, and standing up and giving a voice everywhere for them through words, art, many different forms of media, pride parades & riots.

4. Physical Support If you are very close to a trans person yourself, such as one of your children, your spouse, etc. or even if you just want to go above and beyond by supporting trans people everywhere, giving a roof over their heads, a warm meal, and some kind words would change people's lives. Consider donating to a charity (a charity you research before donating into, a lot of them are fake and will collect the money) that goes towards help for transgender people, or LGBTQ people in general! We really need it, especially in the days of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named as our president.

5. Don't out them if they're not ready! This goes for all LGBTQ people, but please, if someone is closeted due to safety reasons or even just because they're not ready, do not under any circumstance out them for who they are. This could potentially throw them into massive danger, or it could just throw a massive wrench into their lives in some way. Please ask first.

6. Give positive, gender-affirming actions toward them! I absolutely LOVE IT when people do this. I have a friend who not only does bro-fistbumps with me, the two-pat hug thing, highfives me, but also always uses gender-affirming language such as calling me "man", "dude", "bro", etc. and it just always makes me feel so good to be around him! It creates a pleasant, safe space for us to be ourselves when you treat us for who we are, and it honestly makes us more happy than you know. So next time you see a really fabulous trans woman, tell her she looks lovely and classy today! When you see a trans man on top of his game, mention that he's handsome. And mention the things you know they feel insecure about in a positive way! It gives us majour gender euphoria. I know I've always been so ashamed of my round baby face due to it being the main reason I don't pass, but my friends on a call once had started all ooh-ing and ah-ing about how nice my cheekbones and jawline were and all that day I was ecstatic! A simple compliment that you might not even remember giving could change someone's life. And that goes for all people, not just trans people.

Now, you might have heard a lot of negative things that happened to me because of my being transgender, but I'm here to tell you there is so much hope. Cut forward to 2019. I've been out and proud for three years, and by God, I am so, SO SO much happier than I was. I am proud to say I was lucky, I have an amazing support system in my mom, dad, siblings & grandmother that have helped me so much through this. I'm about to start T soon, and I am so unbelievably excited. The person who had yelled at me in front of family members? They are now supportive, and make an effort around me. The person who called me a tranny? They apologized profusely and learnt from that experience.

So to fellow trans people out there--Things do get better. And they get better soon. You just have to hold out for a little while longer.

And for the allies who want to do better by trans and LGBTQ people everywhere, thank you. Thank you for showing your support, and thank you for your willingness to learn about those different from you. That shows extreme emotional maturity. On behalf of all LGBTQ people, thank you.

- Atom T. L. Yorke

Atom T. L. Yorke is a visual artist, cosplayer, writer, musician, and comedian that has also dedicated his life to helping LGBTQ people in need, especially the transgender community.

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yinandyangyang · 5 years

Text

a compilation | han

Pairing: Han x Reader

Genre: cup of angst, with a dash of fluff

Tags: blurbs, unrequitedlove, ANGsT, floof?

A/N: this is a compliation of han - related blurbs, undeveloped plots, and angst, plus a tiny bit of fluff

let me know if there are any you think I should continue with!

@bunnyhani happy late omg im so sorry birthday, luv!!! you actually make me smile so much, you are a highlight in my life and since none of the scenarios i was trying to make actually really seemed like enough, i just made a few, unfinished, unrelated blurbs, chats, random han related thoughts and compiled them for you ~

01. build me a bridge of rose petals

unrequitedlove!reader

“This isn’t something I can just get over,” I mumbled quietly into the phone. My best friend sighed in response, thoroughly annoyed with hearing of me and my failures at romance.

“Look, y/n,” she hummed, irritation sprayed heavily into her words. “Cry me a fucking river, build a bridge, and get your dumb, absolutely idiotic ass over it. He isn’t worth your time. You’ve been in love with the dick for - how long - like a decade now. And not once has he reciprocated your feelings.”

A sob built in my throat and I bit my lip to keep it from escaping. I’d yell back, if I had the energy. But I didn’t. And she was right, any who. I’d been hopelessly in love with the one, the only, Han Jisung for years, since middle school. And never once had he liked me back. We had been friends for all this time, yes, Jisung and I. We had even gone dancing together a few times.

“Stop dreaming, stop selling yourself short, stop rejecting all these other guys in the hopes he’ll magically like you back because you’re hurting yourself. I can’t stand seeing you like this any longer, y/n. I know I sound like an ass, but you deserve all the happiness in the world and I know you will never in a million years, find that with Jisung.

“Forget him, y/n. Forget him and be happy.”

“... okay,” was all I could manage. Because ultimately, she was right. I had been letting him get in the way of my happiness for far too long. “Talk later.”

And shutting off the phone, I tossed it across the room. Her voice echoed in my mind, “Forget him, y/n. Forget him and be happy.”

It wasn’t that easy, though, I thought to myself. He’s just always there. Han Jisung’s always on my mind. His smile. His voice. His eyes, lord, his eyes. The curve of his lips. The way he looked when he laughed.

A sudden bout of painful coughing rumbled deep through my diaphragm, wracking my whole body with violent bouts of wheezing until I was left gasping for breath. Something pink flew out of my mouth fluttered slowly to the ground. I brought my hand up to my lips to investigate and the sickeningly sweet smell of roses wafted through the room.

My finger tips fell away from my mouth wet. Covered in blood. Another cough shook my body.

Two more rose petals shot past my lips.

02. lotto winner

bestfriend!jisung

“My gosh, __,” Jisung whined, scrolling through his instagram feed for the third time that hour. “What are you doing, wrestling with the zipper? Why do you take so long?”

“Yah, Han Jisung! Trying on clothes isn’t as easy as you think, okay?” you shouted through the changing stall door, still trying to decide whether the outfit looked good on you or not. “Can you look at this outfit and tell me what you think? I don’t know if it fits my body right.”

“Fine,” your companion sighed. “Just hurry, up, okay?” Jisung stared wistfully out the window at the bright blue sky. It was really lovely this afternoon and he had to spend it with you, inside an expensive clothing store looking like it had just come out of tumblr’s aesthetic page, waiting for you to try on clothes.

Jisung subconsciously glanced down at his watch right as you hesitantly exited your changing stall. The edge of the baby blue cropped crew neck ended right above the waistband of the black corduroy skirt and the trim of your skirt fell right a good six inches above your knees. Cradling your arms to your chest, you shot your friend a nervous smile. Frilly and girly wasn’t your usual look, you would have rather worn a pair of boyfriend jeans and one of Jisung’s oversized sweaters.

“What do you think?”

“You look good, now let’s go,” he spoke and not bothering to spare a glance up, he shrugged. You noticed of course.

“Yah! Jisung, you idiot!” you yelled, picking up the closest pair of pants next to you and throwing them directly at the head of your best friend. “You’re supposed to actually look when I ask you to.”

Peeling the pants off his head, Jisung rolled his neck, now more irritated than he was 3 seconds ago. First you waste his time and now you throw a pair of pants at him. What the hell? When would the torture end? He sighed for the nth time that afternoon, gaze finally traveling over your figure. And all irritation drained out of him like it was nothing.

The second his eyes fell over your shy smile and flushed cheeks, all he could think of was damn. You looked good. The miniskirt complimented your curves and accentuated the length of your legs. Baby blue against black wouldn’t have been his first choice, but the innocent way you looked up at him erased all color complaints he had.

Whatever guy started ended up stealing your heart would be one damn lotto winner.

Coming back to himself, Jisung scoffed, immediately looking away from you. A pretty pink flush tickled the apples of his cheeks.

“W-what?” you stuttered, looking down at yourself nervously. “It doesn’t look good, does it? Oh my- I should have known better. It’s the color combination, right? I knew I should have picked pink or something-”

Jisung snorted, pushing himself up to flick you in the forehead. Stunned, the speech spilling from your tongue like word vomit halted and you looked at him.

“Oh my God, __. First things first, I didn’t need to look at you because I know you look fine in anything you pick. Secondly, now that I finally looked at you, I just realized that I shouldn’t have because now I’m disappointed. You don’t look as pretty as I was envisioning you.”

“Shut up, dumbass!” All prior unease forgotten, you smacked him in the shoulder. “Another comment like that and I won’t buy you food.”

“Okay, jeez,” he snickered, rubbing the spot you hit him. “You do look pretty, though.”

“Yeah, right.” You called, flouncing back into the changing stall with a pout. “You just want food.”

“Believe what you want to,” Jisung sang back, settling back down onto the couch outside the stall, all thoughts of you and just how good you looked erased. “I could always leave you here.”

Within seconds, you were out of the stall, completely changed and the slightest bit pink in the face. Jisung bit back a laugh. If there was anything you hated more than the thought of being with him (romantically), it was the thought of being without Jisung.

03. best friends v. break ups

text convo

j*s.~.ng: I've never felt more exhausted… j*s.~.ng: normally I wouldn't publicize this j*s.~.ng: but my heart hurts. So. Much j*s.~.ng: can I call you? j*s.~.ng: ahit nvm. j*s.~.ng: i forgot you're on a blind date…. j*s.~.ng: forget everything and ples enjoy :))) y/n: *5 seconds later* hey you okay? j*s.~.ng: all good ☺ y/n: don't hide behind emojis I know you better than that j*s.~.ng: but you're on a date j*s.~.ng: what are you doing texting me y/n: he kinda already left because you kept texting j*s.~.ng: shit. j*s.~.ng: I'm so sorry. y/n: don't be. He was a control freak j*s.~.ng: are you sure I'm not interrupting something? y/n: absolutely, chill j*s.~.ng: can...you pick me up? y/n: already in my car. Where you at?

04. silently

unrequited!reader

It was all too soon when I got that feeling again. You know… that feeling.

That feeling, the one you get where your heart, slowly breaking, drops without hesitation into the depths of your stomach and begins to churn, boiling up a brew with the irritating emotions called heartbreak, loneliness, and hurt. The stench of the horrific brew rises and rises and continues to rise in your stomach, building up pressure in your lungs and making it hard to breathe properly. It eventually makes its way to your eyes, odor building tears up… and then there’s really nothing you can do to keep them from falling.

You know… that feeling.

I’ve loved the same boy since I was eleven years old. For a portion, a small one mind you, of that time, I was told he liked me back. Of course, that was merely a miniscule section of that time, the rest of the time, we decided to grow up, only when I grew up, I was left with the same feelings I’d had for him all those years ago. It killed me.

And it was only natural that he wasn’t.

We’d both had a couple flings with other people tossed in there… but my mind was constantly on him and his... wasn’t. His eyes, his lips, his arms, his laugh, his smile. I loved him. And nothing was ever going to happen between us. Because of his lack of self confidence, he always looked for affirmation in month long relationships, only to break it off, then find someone else over the course of the next week.

Did it hurt? Yeah. Of course it hurt. Fuck, it burned like shit. But what could I do?

I’d talk it out with close friends, my mom. It wouldn’t solve anything though. I was still left with that same heartache, the same slow, numbing pain.

There were those instances I wouldn’t see him for a while and those overpowering feelings would subside into a a low, near non existent hum. It would be those periods of time that would hurt the most, yet also be the most peaceful. During those hours, days, weeks… I would find myself missing him, his hugs, his smile… but I would also find solace in those moments of not having to worry about him, how he was doing, what I’d wear when I saw him next...

But through all those times, through all those years… it had never hurt this much. He’d already had so many girlfriends before and his yearning, his unquenching desire for constant affirmation seemed never to be satisfied, so he dropped one and moved on again.

When he and I made eye contact from the ends of the hall ways, a bright smile overtook my lips like it always did. This time though, it wasn’t because he was wearing a pair of slim cut denim jeans with a white form-fitting button down and a black suit jacket and looking the most attractive I’d seen him in a while, it was because I had decided to finally come in terms with my feelings. I loved him and appreciated him as a person, a friend... and a boy.

He approached me with a playful smile, the brightness of his expression challenging the setting sun.

But was we made our way into the room, sat down beside each other like regular, and began to talk, the conversation took a turn, one that really wasn’t in favor of my mood.

He brought up his newest girlfriend.

It wasn’t like I was angry at him for having a girlfriend, I was just a good friend, nothing more than that to him. He wasn’t mine. He was his own person.

“So..” I hummed, trying to keep the conversation light, though really it’s not like anyone would have noticed my sudden shift in mood. I mean, we’re talking about me for goodness sake. I threw shade for fun and if I was hurt, it’d always be masked by my overpowering sarcasm. One sudden mood shift wouldn’t stand out, after all, I’d had enough practice hiding my true feelings from an unfortunate many times before. “She’s pretty?”

“Oh, exponentially more so,” he hummed, a radiant, beautiful smile decorating his lips as his mind drifted off once more to his gorgeous girlfriend. I never got that smile. That special, heart breaking smile was only reserved for the best, the prettiest and that was not me. “She’s... everything I didn’t realize I wanted in someone...”

He continued on, speaking of her eyes and how they glittered with this special something every time he saw her. Had my eyes ever looked like that to him?

He brought up her hair, how soft it felt when he ran his fingers through it, how it always seemed to fall perfectly. My hair... I reached up subconsciously to touch it. Was it soft? Did it ever look effortlessly beautiful like that?

His eyes glowed when he redirected his description of her to her smile. He said it was perfect, the way it shaped her eyes into pretty little crescent moons, and that when they were together, it seemed her lips were curved into nothing but. I frowned. He never noticed - wait no, of course he didn’t. Why would he notice my smile when his mind was solely on hers?

I brought my knees up to my chest, the familiar feeling of self pity slowly consuming me. I could no longer concentrate on trying to be a supportive friend while my heart was breaking like this.

I choked back a silent sob. He continued speaking, eyes glazed over in adoration of his girlfriend. My eyes burned, tears welling up at the corners. He chuckled, laughing about something she reminded him of. I reached up, wiping away my unshed tears. He smiled down at his fingers, moving them, savoring the feeling of the ghosts of her fingertips.

He didn’t notice anything. He never did.

A sad, somewhat pessimistic thought entered my mind. Was it because I wasn’t pretty? Would he notice the more minuscule things about me if I was pretty? Would he ask if I was okay if I was pretty?

Would I mean anything more to him... if I was pretty?

Forcing down my tears, I sighed, smacking a easy-going smile back onto my lips. Who cared if it looked fake. It’s not like he would have noticed anyways.

05. you, me, & the moonlight

roommate!au

“Hey...” I hummed, looking up briefly from my computer screen to Han Jisung, my best guy friend, roommate, and unbelievably cliche forever crush. The dim light from the yellow street lights outside mixed together with the lazy, past 10 pm atmosphere in the room. My feet lay on his lap, his laptop perched on my shins. At the sound of his name, he turned to meet my gaze, the slight dimple in his cheek sending my heart into an unauthorized gymnastics routine. He dislodged one earbud from his ear.

“Yeah?”

“What on your schedule tomorrow?” My eyes dropped down to the half-written essay on my laptop screen to avoid a blush from appearing on my cheeks. “I wanna do something.”

He yawned, stretching his arms above his head, t-shirt riding up on his stomach to reveal a sliver of the smooth planes of his taut muscles. Dammit, Han Jisung, cover yourself better.

“Hmm… There’s a morning practice tomorrow from 5:15 to 7, and then I have classes from 8 to 12. Afternoon practice is 2 to 3:30… I also have a study session later tomorrow, like around 4-ish, but it shouldn’t last longer than a couple hours. So we can either do something during lunch or pull an all-nighter doing whatever. Your choice.” He shut his laptop and placed it on the coffee table, the kitchen lights making his chlorine-bleached hair glow golden.

“Well tomorrow’s Friday. I’m most likely going to be asleep during lunch, and I don’t have anything on Saturday until after lunch so I’m game for the all-nighter.” I shut my laptop and placed it on the coffee table as well, rearranging myself so that my head rested on his shoulder. “But if you have morning practice, you should probably go to sleep soon.”

“Alright mom, geez.”

He scoffed in faux offense, laying his head atop mine on instinct.

And, the mere movement sent my heart beating about fifteen times faster than it was supposed to be.

06. your sensitive side

idolfriend!jisung

“Why are you sitting so far away?” Jisung stared at me, a confused look on his angelic features. For once, I wasn’t cuddled into his side. For once, I decided to sit on the very opposite side of the couch, curled up with my favorite penguin plush, Snoogly Woogly. A childish frown marred my usually gentle features.

“Why does it matter?” I spat out, clutching Snoogly Woogly tighter.

“Because you’re obviously bothered and in need of a hug,” he said quite matter-of-factly. I buried my face in Snoogly Woogly and groaned loudly, trying to smother the butterflies in my stomach with annoyance. He just smiled, put down his pineapple pizza and crawled over to my side of the couch. Soon enough, Snoogly Woogly was pulled out of my arms and her plush body was replaced with his firm, warm one. He picked me up, cradling me on his lap.

“Hey!!! You’re on my side of the couch, you big dumb dumb!” Instinctively, my arms wound around his lithe, idol body. I could feel him smile into my shoulder as he hugged me closer til we were pressed flush against each other.

“Oh please. If only you could feel how tight you’re hugging me right now.”

“Only because I don’t want to fall, you fucking sequoia tree!” I growled into his chest. “You’re still on my side, though.”

“Fine.” With that, Jisung picked me up as he stood and walked back to his side of the couch. Sitting back down, with me on his lap, he gave me a pointed look. “Is this better?”

A blush raged across my face. Why did he have to be so… obnoxiously strong and sensitive? I had been living with him for how long and still haven’t found enough flaws to stop liking him.

The night went on. We had just finished our third movie, second box of fried chicken and first box of pizza, and he still hadn’t let go of me. Then again, he was asleep now and he usually went to hug things in his sleep. Pushing off his drowsy form carefully, I peered at the clock on the microwave. 2:54 am.

Slipping out of his loosening grasp, I cleaned the coffee table off. Out went the trash, into the fridge went the pizza. Approaching the couch once more, the cracks of my broken heart softened as my eyes ran over his sleeping figure. I pulled off his glasses gently and set them down by the charging ports in the dining room. He shifted in his sleep, better revealing his soft features.

My hand stretched forward subconsciously to brush the hair from out of his face but I stopped myself. No... I shouldn’t. I turned to head back into the kitchen. Where the fuck was the melatonin..? But as if the whole universe was pitted against me, one of the legs on the coffee table somehow magically placed itself inconveniently in front of my foot.

Before I could stop myself, a whisper-shouted fuck surged past my lips. At the sound of my profanity, his eyes cracked open.

“Hey… shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Though his words were mumbled almost incoherently, his deep brown eyes gazed up at me, awaiting an answer.

“Oh- well yea-” before I could finish my sentence, he reached forward and placed a finger to my lips. Once that effectively silenced me, he sat up and wrapped his arms around my smaller body for the second time tonight, pulling me to the relaxed pace of his heart. For a moment, I lay there stiffly. Though this was no new position to me, my mind raced with doubts. The recent pain in my chest was getting worse, making it harder to think, function, and act normal around him. What had I let myself get pulled into? More importantly, what had I let my heart get roped into all those years ago?

As if sensing my unease, he cracked one eye open, ran a hand through my semi-tangled tresses and rested his lips against my forehead.

“Then sleep.”

07. even death would be kinder

arrangedmarriage!au

“Oh __, my darling girl, how you’ve grown!” I grinned weakly, doing my best to enthusiastically return Mrs. Han’s hug. The woman was like my second mother. I had known her since I was in primary school and I absolutely adored her. Her son on the other hand…

“Han Jisung, come here and say hello!” Mrs. Han called out to her son. I steeled myself for the shock of seeing how the now unfamiliar young man approaching us had changed.

“Hi, __.”

The first thing that came to my mind was ‘hot DANG. his voice got deeper.’

Seulgi bowed quickly before shooting me an apprehensive look and taking her leave.

Taking a deep breath and a quick mental check, I looked up and extended my hand out to shake his hand in greeting. Upon looking up though, I could feel my hand fall slack in disbelief.

The young awkward boy I had fallen in and out if love with during my teen years had now been replaced with a suave, smooth young man. His smile came easily, lips stretched to reveal his bright teeth. His chubby, babyish face had slimmed down significantly over the years. His chiseled jawline and crescent eyes accommodated the handsome face he now sported well. But his eyes… the playful, mischievous brown eyes of his had not changed at all in the years that had passed.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I quickly shook his hand, slapping a professional smile on my mouth.

“Pleasure to see you again, Mr. Han. It's been too long.”

His smile faltered and the happy curve if his beautiful eyes vanished. Nonetheless, he shook my hand firmly and nodded, the smile, albeit a tad uncomfortable, still remaining.

“It has.”

Quickly releasing his hand, I stepped back. An uncomfortable silence shrouded us until Mrs. Han cleared her throat.

“Why the long faces, you two? You were the best of friends years ago,” turning to her son, she reached up to pinch his cheek. “Why, I recall you telling me she was the only girl you could be completely comfortable around.”

The handsome male across from me stiffened.

“That’s because she’s like a sister to me mom,” he said, smiling thinly. I pursed my lips, clutching the clipboard in my hands a tad bit tighter. Yes. That was all I was. Nothing but a ‘sister’.

“Oh pish posh,” Mrs. Han scoffed, waving her hand through the air as if it were nothing. “You’re acting as if she’s nothing but a stranger right now.”

Jisung rolled his eyes.

“Mother, we haven’t seen each other in ages.”

“Ages, my foot.” She slapped her son’s arm. “Now you two, stop acting like children. It’s time we had lunch.”

08. how much you care

domesticfriendship!au

“Guess what today is?” I asked, bouncing on the tip of my toes. Literally. Because I was wearing high heels. And one does not simply bounce on their whole feet with high heels.

“Your birthday,” Jisung spoke, returning my smile with an equally casual one.

“Yeup!” He had remembered! Excitement hung around me as I hummed giddly in response. I had finally gotten my feelings in order and realized how much he meant to me. It wasn't just my birthday. Perhaps now maybe I could mean something more to someone.

The lesson went by quickly and before I knew it, so had the majority of the night. Soon enough, it was just the two of us left in the room. While half of me knew he would soon be walking out of those doors like the rest of the students, half of me prayed desperately for him to stay.

“Can I show you something?” He asked suddenly, gesturing to the computer. Giving my consent, he searched and pulled a video up. And for the next minute and a half, I watched flashes of meme-filled images singing a horrid, remixed happy birthday song.

“Wow,” I chuckled in disbelief. His boyish laugh sounded in harmony. “I don't know what I expected but that definitely wasn't it.”

“Well I mean, I'm broke so I couldn't have got you anything,” he snorted incredulously.

“That's is true.”

I took a good long moment to appreciate his features. His smile. He was extremely attractive and I knew that. I knew that from the moment I first saw him in 4th grade. But did I ever do anything about it? No.

All of a sudden, I didn't know what to say. Conversations had never been awkward between us but for some reason, at this moment in time, my heart began to beat faster, my cheeks began to color. A feeling of dread filled my stomach. Oh no. Was I... falling for one of my close male friends??

Before the moment could get any more awkward, the sound of a vibration alerted the both of us to his phone and, pulling it out, the smile dropped from his face. An apologetic smile covered his lips and he pocketed the device once more.

“Aight, my dad is here,” Jisung sighed, gesturing to the door. “I gotta head out.”

Disappointment coiled in my stomach when he turned towards the door, exiting without a second glance. I stood there, staring at his receding figure, confused at why I was feeling the way I was. I didn’t know what I had been hoping for, but it certainly wasn’t for him to leave like that.

Something in my body pulled me forwards, nearly tripping me over my own feet as I chased after him.

“Wait! Jisung!” I called breathlessly from the doorway. “No birthday hug or anything?? I’m offended.”

The boy turned, teasing smile playing at his lips. He paused in his step, rolling his eyes. The boyish quirk in his smile sent my heart hurtling over the edge into the chasm of having a crush at what seemed like a thousand miles per hour.

“Fine,” he spoke, grin more than obvious in his voice. He continued towards me, hands shoved sheepishly into his hoodie pocket.

“No, nevermind,” I scoffed playfully, turned back around, crossing my arms in faux offense. “I don’t need your hugs. Even though it is my birthday.”

“Come on, y/n,” Jisung hummed, his soft, velvety voice sounding right by my ear. “Don’t be like that.”

All of a sudden, a pair of warm, strong, lithe, familiar arms snuck around my waist pulling me firmly against the built frame of my best friend. The scent of his fabric softener and body wash overwhelmed my senses until all I could feel was him and home. He bent down, resting his cheek against the top of my head.

A fiery blush burned over my cheeks.

“Jisung-” I whispered, turning around in his arms. But that was all I could say before he pulled me into his chest once more, cradling my head into his comforting body heat. The sound of his melodic, hypnotizing heartbeat flowed through my ears, falling into a comfortable pace with mine.

“Happy birthday, y/n.”

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anhed-nia · 6 years

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THE EMOJI MOVIE

I've actually tried to watch this several times, and never made it past the first twenty minutes or so. The whole concept--that emojis inside a boy's phone struggle for survival when their glitchy antics provoke him to try to wipe the device--is so uninspired that it was hard for me to imagine it even being kitschy enough to justify watching the whole thing. However, since its release (only a year ago, but isn't it starting to feel like it's been with us forever?), THE EMOJI MOVIE has become so notorious that suffering through it feels like some sort of rite of passage. As of this morning, I can say with absolute certainty that this experience is actually much worse than you probably think it is.

I don't even want to get that much into the "plot", but for the sake of whatever: TJ Miller is a "meh" emoji by birth, who is secretly plagued by a full spectrum of emotions. When he is classified as a "malfunction", in a series of repetitive arguments that sound uncomfortably like they're just barely skirting "the R word", Meh goes on the run to avoid destruction by his fellow emoji, who need to manage this crisis before their user erases all of them.

If that is like...not very heroic-sounding to you, then you're hearing me right. THE EMOJI MOVIE is I guess about being yourself or something, but the details of Meh's adventure are so outlandishly stupid that it's hard to even worry about the moral of the story. To my apoplectic shock, our hero's escape from peril is totally dependent on Dropbox. That's almost all you need to know about this movie, actually: That it requires you to somehow reimagine a collaborative file management product as the Millennium Falcon, or Dorothy's ruby slippers, or something. Even if I were able to accept this proposal, it still remains beyond me why a tween boy would have Dropbox on his phone. I mean, is he going to Project Management Junior High or something?

Of course, this is only one example of THE EMOJI MOVIE's inability to produce exciting, easy-to-understand ideas. It may not be surprising, on paper, that an unwieldy chunk of the story involves a loud advertisement for the money-grubbing mobile game Candy Crush. However, it's still jarring when the movie has the sheer nerve to insert its characters into a 3D version of the very-2D Candy Crush board, have them discuss the rules and mechanics of Candy Crush at length, and then have them actually play Candy Crush, in a scene that really accomplishes nothing other than exactly what is on the screen while it lasts. The audacity of the thing makes the McDonald's breakdancing sequence in MAC & ME look downright subtle.

The aforementioned scene should really be enough to sink basically any cinematic ship, but THE EMOJI MOVIE doesn't settle for less than 100% failure. Almost everything in it is so poorly considered that there isn't enough time in my life to get through it all, but I have to get *some* things off my chest. I mean, how the fuck do you take a concept like this, and decide that a whole bunch of your movie should involve DANCING? How can you possibly ask me to look at a bunch of Pac-Mans with little rudimentary limbs, and expect me to be able to tell that SOME of them are really good dancers and SOME of them are really shitty dancers, and ALL OF THE SUSPENSE hinges on this distinction? And while we're talking about physical activity, what are even the rules of this world? Apps are both giant monolithic cubes, like they are on your home screen, that can slide around and crush you between their unyielding walls, and they are ALSO little subdimensions that you can enter (not that we really see how this works) and dick around in. "Internet trolls" are somehow not separate human users, but technological entities that exists inside the world of the phone, right alongside junk mail and computer viruses. And speaking of junk, like, why is the phone owner deleting individual apps WHILE he's on his way to a Genius Bar to get the whole device reset? What the fuck is going on in any part of this movie?

While I'm talking about how ~completely~ disastrous this movie is, though, I should admit that maybe I blew past the plot too quickly. The most remarkable thing about THE EMOJI MOVIE is that it manages to be so fathomlessly moronic, AND so majestically pretentious at the same time. There is something interestingly perverse about the idea of taking humanity's most vapid, dehumanized linguistic development, and using it as some kind of allegory for the supremacy of emotion, and the prismatic nature of the soul. It's disturbing, actually. On the one hand, the movie cannot resist advertising for office products and parasitic IAP-driven games, and all of its ostensible charm is predicated on the viewer's preexisting familiarity with fun icons for human shit and compressed fish byproducts. On the other hand, the movie makes a big deal out of identifying the fascism inherent in controlling how people express themselves, and confining their potential to the dictates of their heritage. At some point the movie even drags in some shallow commentary on the tyranny of gender roles, with a subplot about a "princess" emoji rejecting the few, oppressively girly options for females of the species--just in case there were any audience members left who didn't feel personally condescended to yet.

At this point, you might be wondering why I even bothered to write all this down, having already suffered the unnecessary indignity of watching the thing. The truth is that I have an insatiable curiosity about the psychology of productions like this. When I see something so abjectly catastrophic, I start to have enthralling nightmare visions about what it must have been like to make this movie. Especially considering the fact that it is animated: At what point did people begin to realize that something really bad was happening? Who noticed it first? Was there a protracted period of convincing oneself that everything was going to be fine, or did the darkness sink in at the very beginning? What happened when the movie came out? Have all of the actors even see the whole thing? How did they manage their social lives when it started to become common, international knowledge that they had participated in the creation of one of the worst movies in the visible history of the medium? Does one lose relationships over a movie like this, either among friends who don't know how to address it, or comrades who can't stand the slightest reminder of what they've been through? I am completely entranced by my own fantasies about what happens with movies like this. I would happily watch a documentary about the making of THE EMOJI MOVIE, or better yet, some sort of distorted psychodrama about the emotional environment of the production. Somebody get Peter Strickland on the blower.

PS Mike White, I am so, so sorry. What happened to you?

#the emoji movie #blogtober #animation #comedy #too many celebrities to name #how did this happen

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trailerparkk · 6 years

Text

ranting about transmed/truscum shit under the cut; I just feel like I need to say this but I don’t want to annoy everyone with some long ass text post

Okay, so I’m am a transmed. I’ve probably lost followers just by saying that due to many misconceptions. But let me explain.

I do not hate nb people. I do believe there could be nb genders (such as agender or androgyne) but there hasn’t been enough evidence to prove it in science. That being said, I do not purposely misgender people just because I feel their gender doesn’t exist. But I am very uncomfortable with it/neo/nounself pronouns due to pass experiences and bullying, so I won’t use them but I will opt for they if there is not other aux pronouns. I do believe actual nb people do experience their own form of gender dysphoria, and it is required for someone to be nb. But I refuse to publicly make fun or mock someone who claims to be non-dysphoric, instead I would probably dm them to find out why they identify as such.

I hate the word “transtrender”, it is extremely out of date and comes from a time where people probably did say they were trans or nb just to be trendy, but i dont think thats the case now. Nowadays, “transtrenders” fall into 2 groups; those who do have dysphoria but because they dont always want to die they are told by this website they dont have it, and those who don’t have dysphoria but are told by this website that their gnc-ness and body dysmorphic disorders makes them trans. The first of which tends to be the majority and why i question people who call themselves “non-dysphoric” but they tend to actually be dysphoric.

Now onto dysphoria, IT IS NOT HATING YOURSELF. It is not wanting to kill yourself all the time. It is simply the uncomfortableness to distress someone experiences due to their gender and sex not aligning. There are multiple form of gender dysphoria and they can manifest in multiple ways. Body dysphoria is always present in a trans person, even if it is very low. Mild and flucuating dysphoria seem to be almost non-existent on this website, with people saying its because you’re “just genderfluid, not dysphoric!” or mogai-madeup-gender and ignoring the fact it is actually dysphoria.

And I hate when people treat medicalizing trans-issues as a bad thing. Because demedicalizing it is literally the worst thing that could ever happen to trans people. In some countries, if trans-issues are demedicalized, stuff such as hrt and srs will be illegal and citizens could get into big trouble with the law for going to other countries to have it done. Poorer trans people across the world wouldn’t be able to afford help that is already pretty expensive, even with health insurance. Demedicalization will kill transgender people. And anyone spreading the message of demedicalization, dysphoric or not, is adding to the problem.

This demedicalization is why there is not research on actual nb genders apart from “social science”, because people are being told there is nothing medical about it so there should be no reason to do medical research on something that isn’t medical.

Also, cis people cannot experience gender dysphoria. They can experience body dysmorphic disorders and eating disorders, however this is not a cis-only thing. Many trans men and trans women suffer from eating disorders which tend to be caused by their gender dysphoria, and it is important to bring light to this. However, body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria are NOT interchangable. One is something both cis and trans people can experience, the other is a trans only experience. The only “cis” people that experience dysphoria are those who decided to transition and got dysphoria or those who try to resent the fact they are trans and hide from it.

I am against mogai identities. They hurt people more than they help. Well actually, they help from your 14 but as you get older and you change even more it can cause more distress and confusion than help. Many microindenties and personality genders (or even mental health genders??) which may seem helpful on the surface can cause many problems down the line, take it from me.

I am fully supportive of gnc trans men and gnc trans women. I am against people or even other truscum that decide to misgender and call someone nondysphoric and a transtrender just because a trans guy wears make up and doesn’t pass. News flash, most gnc trans men who wear make up (especially pre-t) know they don’t pass and would be misgendered in public. They don’t need you to erase their dysphoria.

Now, I am a trans guy. I wouldn’t exactly call myself gnc, though some of the things I like can be seen as more “girly”. I present as either a man or as neutral, but usually as a man. I am not less trans or another gender on the days I present as more neutral.

And some little things. Masculinity and Femininity aren’t genders, pronouns are gendered, gender is the sex of your brain and thus is in your brain.

#truscum #transmed #transgender #lgbt #trans community #//discourse #kind of #damion speaks

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blueuchan · 7 years

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Digimon tri and heteronormativity.

We call heteronormatinity at the presuntion that everyone is straight and cis. That it is, its not a complicated idea. Now, in the real world this isn’t true, not everyone is straight and cis, sexual diversity exist, right? But what happen in the media? What happen on the subject that ocupated right now?

Digimon Tri.

Seriusly what are the odds that if you get 7 or 8 or 9 or 11 children–teens all of them would be straight? Like, what are the odds? Think on yourself and your group of 11 friends, non a single gay, bi, ace person? No? you are lying.

I know it coul see it is just me crying for representation, but the sexuality of characters are really important for the character, yes, dah. And since I started to watch tri I can’t stop to note this ridiculous attemp of the writters to make perfectly clear that all the chossen children are super straight.

Like why? There is no purpouse of the plot, no one. Damn, at some point it had nothing to do with character development. And I know I had lose a lot of people at this point, but, lets make an exercise. For every straight romance situation of the show asked is this would be show it on the character developmet arc of the character? Or is this just added to the audience doesn’t think this character isn’t straigth?

Izzy

Oh good small preciuous Izzy. Lets remember for a second what we know about Izzy and the end of digimon adventure or even digimon 02.

Izzy was a very smart, curious boy whose interested was the porsued of knowledge and the digital world. He was friendly, loyal, obsesive and he could had a character when he lost his patient. He has problems interacting with people, specially about emotions. He learn to comunicated with his family and with his friends; but he was specially cold when it comes to girls, because it looks like he has zero interesting on the friendly/flirting aproximation.

It is extremetly easy headcanon this as an ace character. It is, it’s super easy.

So what’s going to happen on tri? He has the hots for Mimi. Why? Beacuse she is the girliest girl of the group. Like really it is just because she is pretty and his age. Point. And because he is a teenager now, and of course that is what it means to be a teenager, all your previous interactions with people are eraser because you have hormons now.

OMG, it is for character development, it is so cute, it has a lot of fans, why are you so grumpy euchan, who hurts you?

Fuck you.

On the arc of Izzy, did this plot come back? No. On the OVA Confession, where the arc of Izzy happen, this plot line is almost erased. The blushed Izzy as comic release doesn’t happen, his interaction with mimi are counted, you can erase for the previous OVAS all the reference of his little crush with Mimi and his arc character is intact.

The arc of Izzy was written and later on a meeting someone said, lets make Izzy to had a crush on Mimi or the people would think that he is weird. aauuuugh

Joe and Sora

I put this together because they had a similar case. Joe and Sora are two characters that grown on the same thrope, parenthood.

Sora is the mom of the group, she is always worried, she is the love, a mediator and since her character arc on adventure she is really good talking about emotions.

Joe is the father figure. He is the oldest of the chossen children, he take care of the others not at the same way to sora, he is clumpsy and akward; but he provides. He has medical knowledge and skills and he has things. On adventure he had a bag with suppliest (it was for Mimi, but Joe was the one on charge of it) and on 02 he had this running gag of always be prepared, even on tri he was the one who left more things at the digital world.

For this trophes, the straightness of the characters are never compromised. And don’t let me wrong, there are a lot of parents that are part of the sexual diversity. But for the audience is complicated separated this two aspects of the character.

So what could do the show to reinforcement the idea? Talk. Just talk about it. We are gonna said that Joe has a girlfriend and we are gonna talk about Sora’s problems with boys. We are not gonna show it, because it’s not need it of that.

Mimi

OMG she is super girly and a boy like her, of course her sexuality could be defined for HIS actions. I mean what other reason a young girl could had to be pretty that is not because she is super into boys? Even when her character arc was about atonomy and how all her actions was about herself? And all her physical shows of afection had been on girls.

Mimi had popular shipps with ALL the boys, even with those which only had talked one time. Like seriusly. Let her alone.

TK and Kari

It is clear that there are a lot of boys that are interesting on Kari and there is a lot of girls that are interested on TK. But are they intersted on each others? A big part of the character of Davis was his feelings for Kari. It is very interesting how on both characters (Kari and TK) the idea is that they like to play with the people who they likes them.

Is because they are the youngest? Because they are angels?

And as side note, TK could be easily had been texted at a boyfriend and a girlfriend on the OVA reunion.

The Taiyama

I’m shure that when the people wrothe the relationship between Tai and Yamato they wasn’t thinking on gay romance. But at animated and showed it at the world, well it really looks like that.

You could ship it or not, but you had to admit that is pretty easy see it.

So… we are gonna give them girlfriends. It’s the most obvious solution.

Now, please. Think on digimon 02, erased the conversation of Tai when Sora is going to give a chirstmast gif to Yamato. Now watch digimon Tri. Is it change on anything? Can you do this whit any of the Tai- Yamato interactions on any season? Is it clear to this day if Yamato and Sora are dating on digimon tri? Why is this confused? Why this looks like is come from no where and is going to no where?

Why the new girl has to had a crush on Tai?. Why on the penultimate episode we had a hand holding escene? Why Tai has a wanna be romance plot line with the new chossen children, who has selfsteam problem, is a magic plot device and has a cat digimon partner. It is like their relathionships tries to imitated the other strong relathionship that he had with the other “new” chosen children, who has selfsteam problems, is a magic plot device and has a cat digimon partner.

This is terrible written.

And I don’t ask for canon queer character, I know is too much to ask. But at least let’s us live with the doubt. Let’s Mimi hugs the new girl that she just met and calls her cute, let Izzy never had a romance plot, let Joe said especial someone instead of girlfriend, lets Tai and Yamato be focuse on his super intense rivality/fusion/partnerthing with out send us confused girlfriends.

Let them be.

#digimon tri #long post #heteronormativity

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beebosbitchh · 7 years

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1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks?

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges?

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

#long post /#mention of dysphoria /#ask #thenk yoy sophiw #this took 4ever but worth it bc it got me to calm down?? coolc ool cool

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scarletttext · 6 years

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BIG ASS RANT. I’m just talking about my experiences, don’t mind me.

I’ve been living interesting things since I came out as transgender, and I think it’s worth mentioning a few of them.

First of all: the way I’m treated. I receive insults, people stare at me, and strangers are incredibly unpleasant while checking me out in search for “clues” of my gender. But that’s common for every transgender person, I guess, so let’s zoom in on my experience as a transgender man. The way I’m treated is completely different from when I presented myself as a woman. When people don’t act like assholes towards me when/if they realize I’m transgender, they usually act more formal with me, more distant. And I started to realize that this is common for men. Also, it seems like I intimidate women, and this I understand very well, for I experienced it too, men come out as agressive, and society made women be wary of men they don’t know, which is understandable, many men act like assholes. So I started to try my damn hardest to make women feel safe around me, because I know what it’s like to be afraid of a male, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna be like them.

Second: I started to notice that I have some privileges as a man, even though, in Brazil, the fact that I am transgender puts me in way a lot of risk just by existing. But the way society was shaped, the way we were taught, the fact that I present myself as male… already makes people treat me differently, and it’s fucked up, it bothers me to no end. As an example, people started to take me more seriously, they started to actually listen when I speak, and, although I have noticed this before coming to terms with being transgender, by just watching people around me, I’m still speachless with it, because it shouldn’t be like this, it’s just ridiculous. Why does my voice should be heard and a woman’s voice shouldn’t? What makes me different? For hell’s sake, stop with this idioticity.

Third: people expect me to fit into what THEY think is a man. Like, suddenly I’m expected to be this stone hard person, to be “strong” at every second of the day, to not show my emotions, to laugh at the stupid things other men say. Suddenly I’m supposed to stop liking things people say are “too girly” if I want to be a man. I AM a man. Suddenly I am expected to be this thirsty person, that looks at people with lust, that flirt with girls and that brags to the friends about it. And honestly, I don’t understand it, it doesn’t make sense to me. Because, to me, to be a man, or a woman, has to do with how you feel, your gender is how you feel about yourself for me, and I just so happen to feel as a man, so I am a man. That simple. I want a deep voice, and I don’t want boobs, and I want a body that fits with what I see myself as, nothing to do with the stereotypes and patterns people expect of men. And it saddens me that many trans men feel forced to act like this just to “fit in”. Ofc, I met some trans men that just wanted to be exactly like the socially acceptable stereotype of men, and even though I’m not exactly pleased, I respect them. But it’s fucked up if ya ask me. Because we know what it’s like to be a woman, because one day we saw ourselves as a woman, and we know what it’s like to be scared to walk around at night, we know what it’s like to be catcalled on the streets, or to be ignored in favour of a guy’s voice, or to be erased because people saw a man’s doing as more important than ours. We know this, we lived this, at least once in our lives before we understood that, inside, we were men. We lived like a woman before we realized we were men, so we know what society treats women like, so we should want to be better, we should want to change this whole thing instead of bending to it and helping it thrive.

Everyday I learn something new about society, and every damn day I see how fucked up it is, and every day I wanna help changing it. That’s why I keep trying, that’s why I’m constantly questioning myself, because I’m not perfect, but I wanna be the best version of myself in order to help someone else, in order to be good for someone else, because this world is already fucked up, it doesn’t need more sadness and prejudice, I don’t wanna bring more bad things to a world that’s already hell. Life keeps giving me opportunities to learn, it keeps showing me that I can’t think only about myself, I can’t be focused only in myself if I really wanna help, if I really wanna see a better world. If I were to think only about myself, I would act like the assholes that harass me on the streets, if I only thought about myself, I would be perfectly happy with the “privileges’’ that being a man seems to give me. And I know very well that I wouldn’t be happy, because I know at least this about myself: I can’t feel pleasure if it brings someone else down. And that’s what started this whole questioning of myself that I’ve been doing, because I want a better world, so I gotta start with the closest to me. And it started with acknowledging the privileges that I have, the privileges that this fucked up society gave me. First it was race. Well, not race per se, more like skin color. Because I’m the odd sheep of my family, my grandmas and grandpas were almost all native american/ black -there were only two, in the whole family, that weren’t, my uncles and my dad have the dark skin of the native americans, but I took after my mom, also the odd sheep, the only with a light skin shade. And being born with a light skin color, I’m considered white in my country, even though, on both my mom’s and my dad’s heritage, I have more than 90% of native american/black genetics - outside my country, I’m seen as a person of color, because I’m latino (Brazil), and even without the darker skin shade, I have strong native american traits. So I started there, recognising that my light skin shade gives me privileges. And then it kept escalating, and it will keep going for the rest of my life, because I know that there’ll always be something that I can get better, ‘cause I wanna help to bring good things to this world. I wanna be better, do better, and make people’s life easier. So I won’t act like the assholes, I won’t be a douchebag just because it’s what society expects of me. I won’t relish in the privileges that a fucked up society give me for being a white man, but… I WILL use them to help changing this world. By listening to women and not speaking above them, by helping them be heard when necessary, by standing up when I see racism, but without speaking above black people… the list goes on. I will do my damn hardest to help, because I want a world where my child (if I ever have one, let’s see what future brings) can be whatever they wanna be, a future where they know their voices will be heard, a future where they can be safe and rest assured that they won’t die for being who they are, like I see happening everyday around the world.

And I noticed all of this just by coming out. And by thinking unhealthily as well, gotta admit. Self analisis is one of my worst flaws. But whatever, I’m just ranting.

#meus

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jasminehardy-blog1 · 5 years

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LGBTQ in Media

Starting with the obvious, movies and television shows are nothing like how they were sixty years ago. Instead of The Twilight Zone, we have Black Mirror and young adults would probably rather watch This is Us more than The Brady Bunch. The progression of media and film is really a fascinating thing to look at, and there are several milestones that should be celebrated and talked about.

But because television and film are so influential to many people’s lifestyles and how we gain ideas and opinions, it is important to be able to assess when media is doing a good job at conveying healthy messages to the audience and when it is lacking.

I want to draw attention to the LGBTQ community specifically because they still face a lack of representation and other progressive elements in television and film.

Media featuring and/or appealing to people who identify as LGBTQ can negatively affect the community due to lack of representation, stereotypes, and an overabundant depiction of traumatic events that are often associated with LGBTQ characters. In order to create a more positive form of entertainment, television and film productions should try to be more inclusive and offer a wider variety of genres feautring LGBTQ characters.

While it is true that media has become more inclusive to the LGBTQ community, it is by no means perfect. Due to the lack of representation of LGBTQ characters, people are unable to make connections with themselves and what they see on television, which I feel is a vital part of feeling included in society.

Studies conducted in 2018 by GLAAD, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, show just how little POC (people of color) LGBTQ members are being depicted in media. Out of 28 LGBTQ characters, 43% were white and only 28.5% were Black/African American or Latinx (“Overview of Findings.” GLAAD.org). Furthermore, “There were zero Asian/Pacific Islander LGBTQ characters or any other race/ethnicity,” (“Overview of Findings.” GLAAD.org).

Not only are POC members of the community not being properly represented, but bisexual and transgender identities in LGBTQ lack representation in media as well. According to GLAAD, in 2019 “Only three of 20 inclusive films (or 110 total films) included depictions of bi+ characters,” (“Overview of Findings.” GLAAD.org). There were zero films that feautured transgender characters. For teens suffering from dysphoria or even just those who want to feel that they are not alone, the fact that they are seeing such little of themselves in television may lead them to feel insecure in their identity.

As the cherry on top, a lack of representation in media is often paired with the stereotyping of characters as well as several unhealthy tropes in television shows and movies. Stereotypes depicted in television in film lead to a variety of assumptions about members of the LGBTQ community. Wikipedia lists several common stereotypes that are placed on gay and lesbian people based on television and film. The list includes the idea that LGBTQ people:

Are very knowledgable and open about sex (as well as very sexually active)

Tend to seduce straight people into a relationship

In women’s case: dress either very manly or very “femme”

In men’s case: are very fashionable and well-groomed

In men’s case: they are very effeminate

Gay men have lisps or speak in a “girly” tone

(“LGBTQ stereotypes.” Wikipedia.org).

Television shows specifically are more prone to use unhealthy tropes such as queerbaiting, which Fanlore explains is “a term used to describe the perceived attempt by advertisers or canon creators to draw in a queer audience and/or slash fans by implying or hinting at a gay relationship that will never actually be depicted,” (“Queer Baiting.” Fanlore.org). Basically, LGBTQ fans are attracted to the show because they want to see the depiction of a relationship between two same-sex characters but because it’s too “taboo”, television never truly provides.

Based on the evidence, it should be obvious just how harmful media can be to members of the community.

First of all, the lack of representation of LGBTQ people who are not white and occasionally Latinx or Black almost erases the existence of them. It implies that the population of the LGBTQ community is far smaller than it actually spans which may weaken the community in the eyes of others. People may not even consider the idea of someone being both Pacific Islander and LGBTQ. Getting deeper than that, the average person may not imagine someone being both LGBTQ and crippled.

The point I am trying to make is that because there is a severe lack of diversity in the LGBTQ characters that are being displayed, many don’t see it plausible that this variety of people can exist. And consider how that makes the person who does fit into all these identities feel. Well, they may feel as though they don’t have a platform to express themselves, or maybe they feel like they aren’t welcome in the community because they are not the majority.

It is my view that by not truly showing the large expanse of identities, cultures, and types of people in the LGBTQ community, media effectively belittles the community in order to justify the lack of representation. Media is trying to appeal to those they see as “important”, implying that a straight and white audience takes priority over others.

Furthermore, when media does depict LGBTQ characters, but goes on to stereotype them, they are further placing the community in a box. It’s as though they are saying “You can exist under these guidelines, and if you don’t then you're not valid.”

Stereotypes often times turn LGBTQ characters into a joke. Media will dub a gay man as the designated best friend or throw in an LGBTQ side character, only meant to be support to a straight main character, or even include a bisexual character but making them the butt of several “indecisive” jokes. The effect this has on a member of LGBTQ community may be that they feel as though they are being made fun of or their identity is a joke.

Those who are not in the LGBTQ community may form opinions based on what they see on television, as it is an easily accessible form of entertainment to many. As a result, they may begin to be biased towards LGBTQ people based on how they are portrayed in a show or a movie.

As Iman Tagudina elegently summed up in their own essay on the reinforcement of homophobic stereotypes, “These false assumptions may be carried on after their pre-adolescent years, which may become harmful once they begin dealing with the real world,” (Tagudina, 13). Tagudina highlights that whether you’re straight or in the LGBTQ community, what you see on T.V. may affect how you think and act towards others and yourself. It can be seen in television and film that while LGBTQ characters are present, they are not a priority, which makes it a lot easier for media productions to give the community a harmful reputation.

I would like to form my own argument that while media in general featuring LGBTQ characters can be harmful to both the LGBTQ community and the audience as a whole for a variety of reasons, television and film that is meant to appeal directly to the community can be equally as harmful. First, let’s take a list of LGBTQ films appealing mainly towards gay men.

Love, Simon

RENT

Alex Strangelove

Handsome Devil

All of these movies are popular in the LGBTQ community heavily due to the fact that they focus on the relationship between two men. And while I agree that these movies do good towards the community, even if just because they actually attempt to create gay characters to identify with, I also would like to assert the one thing all of these movies have in common.

Love, Simon is a film about a (white) teenage boy whose being blackmailed due to his sexual orientation.

RENT laments the hardships of being LGBTQ during the rise of STD.

Alex Strangelove leads the audience through a (white) boy going through a sexual crisis while having a girlfriend.

Handsome Devil is about two (white) boys who are gay in a heavily homophobic setting, and yes, at one point the main character is outed in front of everyone.

While these films are good for including and actually attempting to show what it is like to be a member of the LGBTQ community, they also tend to focus on high stress, and sometimes traumatic situations such as losing a loved one or having all of your friends abandon you or the feeling of being alone in your time of need.

I think that queer films make it hard for members of the LGBTQ community to feel like they are anything other than their sexual orientation, and also that because of their sexual orientation, the only situations they can experience must be related to the hardships of their sexuality. I’ve found that it is very uncommon to find an LGBTQ film in which the character is proud of their identity and have a plot where the main conflict isn’t something about why they should be unhappy with their sexuality.

Comparing the main themes of the films listed above with typical romantic comedies such as Hitch, Clueless, and Sixteen Candles, it’s not hard to see just how different genres are when it comes to focusing on straight characters vs. LGBTQ characters.

In all of the films listed above, the theme remains generally lighthearted, being about getting a date to prom or wanting your crush to notice you. And while I’m not saying that all heterosexual movies are lighthearted, because their are several that focus on darker themes, it is true that LGBTQ films are far less likely to include happy tones and low-stress situations.

I will also point out that most LGBTQ films take the theme of coming-out and use that as a coming-of-age process, which normalizes the idea that people who are LGBTQ are not normal and must make that known to the world, as opposed to heterosexuals who are the “default” in a way. It also implies that the only coming-of-age LGBTQ people can face must be about their sexual orientation.

On the other hand, coming-of-age films featuring straight characters can be about a variety of things such as sports (The Sandlot), clowns (IT), ditching school (Ferris Bueller's Day Off), and well, you get the point.

I propose that the perfect fix for more healthy portrayals would be to try to get rid of the dark themes revolving around LGBTQ films, and also just widen the amount of entertainment for the LGBTQ community by placing these diverse characters in new and interesting settings.

The majority of LGBTQ films are in the genres of drama and romance. Maybe instead of a highschool setting, there could be a fun story about two spies who are in love and of the same gender, or maybe a buddy-cop film featuring an asexual or aromantic character. Just as long as it promotes the idea that LGBTQ members can be in a setting that doesn’t require their life to revolve solely around the “pain” of their sexuality.

Additionally, films and television could also try and do a better job at depicting LGBTQ characters with traits and hobbies that don’t reinforce common or incorrect stereotypes. For example, instead of a gay character who only cares about fashion and sex, no one would be expecting to see gay character who has a keen interest in building home projects simply because media erases the idea that. LGBTQ people have any other interests. Variety and originality is the first step to destroying the unhealthy stereotypes that media constantly conforms to when it comes to LGBTQ characters.

Because media plays such a large role in everyday households, it is so important to work harder to try and create entertainment that does not belittle or give false impressions about a community of people.

LGBTQ characters have a long way to go before they reach full acceptance in media, and we as a collective whole should speak up and recognize the vital role of all identities, races, and backgrounds.

Everyone feels a little bit of joy as well as a sense of belonging when they can see themselves in a character, which is why it is important to try to include everyone. Not to mention it’s a lot more interesting than just seeing the same five character types on screen.

#lgbtq+#personal #essay

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decolonizingmyfeels · 6 years

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Machismo is girly af

We assign gender to things without regard to their genitalia, or lack thereof, every day - cars, animals, hurricanes, gadgets, presidents. It is not at all a new phenomenon that gender be used to represent concepts not seen only in our sexy bits. The yin and yang, astrology, the tarot, the latin languages, etc. all recognize two genders outside just the representative shapes of human bodies. They instead find also an abstract flexibility of personality traits that exist outside the realm of who or what embodies them.

Yet we hold ourselves as human beings to a double standard of fixed gender that the 'nonliving' get to avoid - outside of ourselves, gender might not just be believed, but allowed, to change over time. A river, for example, when calm and still, has long represented strong feminine qualities: subtle, passive, receptive, nurturing. But as soon as rains come and the river becomes white water, then its masculine qualities have been revealed: fast, undulating, destructive, penetrating.

We could argue that human genitalia may serve as fairly literal parallels for or translations of these qualities, penises being penetrative and vaginas receptive. It could perhaps even be true that there are in fact correlations between genitalia and personality that exist even outside of those socially constructed. But even if these correlations do in fact exist, we need only take a closer look at the individual realities of those around us to remember that not all bodies, if any, fit perfectly into these generalizations. We can acknowledge that it may not be so difficult to see the roots of our stereotypes, and perhaps even empathize with ourselves as a culture for having entrenched ourselves in damaging overgeneralizations. To continue our attachments, however, to the literal sources of these paradigms is to perpetuate violence upon those whose violations of our expectations frighten us. It prevents us from seeing the fluidity of gender as we would in the river, much like a mythology whose lessons are no longer understood simply because the imagery conveying them is anachronistic. When gender is not allowed fluidity we suppress our ability to connect with and represent the different traits of each within ourselves as suits our situation, or to recognize that it is still overly simplistic to deem any specific quality as having sourced from only one side of the gender spectrum in the first place. Fluidity itself, for example, would traditionally be considered a feminine trait: watery, soft, flexible, adaptable. But our ability to be fluid, in the context of modern culture especially, requires a faith in our personal right to change as we please and not need to hold ourselves at the mercy of those who expect us to be a certain way. And that kind of unapologetic and inflexible self trust, the kind that carves space for itself and its own needs before anyone else’s, is what would most often be labelled a masculine trait. So many times in my life I’ve become stagnant rotting water trying too hard to remain a feminine calm, not believing I had the right to be angry and tumultuous as a femme. So ironically, I denied my own feminine fluidity trying so hard to be feminine.

Similarly, we might consider the process of upholding what is considered respectable masculinity: stubborn territorialism and inflexibility, a lack of emotional expression, loud strength and the drive to penetrate and conquer. We know that, at least sometimes, to convey masculinity is a conscious choice, an act or show with which to prove one’s worthiness of respect or attraction. Yet this inclination to alter ourselves for acceptance, to be receptive to and nurture the gender expectations demanded of us as children, and the ability to adapt ourselves to fit into societal molds shaped by other people - are traditionally blatantly feminine qualities. So it stands that, to uphold social imagery of masculinity to these extremes, is in fact an extremely feminine thing to do. It lacks the unapologetic and disruptive qualities of pushing back against our environment and questioning its right to tell us what to do.

But this is not to say this kind of flexible 'softness' is in any way an inherently bad thing. It marks our ability to not senselessly attack others when we disagree with them. It allows us friendship, empathy, and subsequently stronger relationships within our community, and these relationships, ironically, earn us the respect and trust necessary to make us leaders and social symbols of strength.

I myself am prone to cravings for labels and categories, especially for my own identity. It is disconcerting to feel like you don’t know who you are, where you fit, or even how to introduce yourself; and labels, however overly simplistic, are an alluring place to find comfort in, even if temporarily. They are shelters under which we can hide to feel safe in our own bodies, in control of who we are and who we’ll be. They help us write our own obituary before we’ve even died, so we can revel in the comfort of feeling we know how we’ll be remembered. But the names stay the same even while we keep changing, whether we want to or not, and eventually the titles don’t seem to fit anymore. What was once masculine is now feminine, the words that were once an insult may now be a source of pride, and the organized structures that once helped us understand our world no longer make sense. But never before now have we had such a strong and global conversation about the frustrations of a restricting and rigid gender binary, which makes us ripe for a time of letting go, letting the ice blocks melt, and splashing in the puddled mess left behind. In order to do this, we have also to let go of our need to 'know' ourselves and where we fit. Language that could be merely a helpful tool with which to express ourselves has become instead a tool to erase the nuances of our experience so as to make us permanent and therefore predictable and safe. We have every right to claim our identity, to be acknowledged for who we are, and be loud about what that means to us. But we might also take care to prevent the concept of identity from being not just the expression of our experience but that which we frame our experience within and therefore oppress even ourselves with, whether conscious or not.

#intersectionality #feminism #patriarchy #genderqueer #queer pride #identity politics #writers #mythology

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smokescreen24 · 6 years

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64 Questions you aren’t used to

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Not particularly - everyone has a life as vivid and interesting as mine. I just don’t know what they are.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 0. Can that be my answer? Because it is. I actually really like the dark.

3. The person you would never want to meet? A handful of folks come to mind. Like the current President of the USA.

4. What is your favorite word? I really wish this was a joke, but - fuck. I use that word A LOT. Like, a lot a lot.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Probably a palm tree. They do best in warm weather, and I love summer. Or maybe an oak tree? I’m not sure.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? That I could actually pack a lunch in the bags under my eyes. That, and I need to put more red back in my hair. It’s fading out.

7. What shirt are you wearing? I’m actually wearing a light jacket as a shirt. It’s comfy.

8. What do you label yourself as? Cishet, and I’m by my family’s standards a girly-girl in comparison to my sister.

9. Bright room or dark room? Depends on the room, tbh. Like my kitchen and bathroom are super bright, but my living room is pretty dim - less glare on my tv screen.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping. Swear to Jesus.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 19. I was working at the one job I actually enjoyed.

12. Who told you they loved you last? My husband. We just got done talking.

13. Your worst enemy? As far as I know, I don’t have one.

14. What is your current desktop picture? Cybertron. I’m not kidding.

15. Do you like someone? Heck, I married the poor guy! Luckily, he’s a tolerant man.

16. The last song you listened to? The Sound of My Voice by Jon Heintz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Ooh, that’s tough. Can I get back to you on that one?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? This one, however is easy. I’d like to punch one of my Mom’s ex’s in the face.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? *raises eyebrows* Do I have to keep it PG, or can I nudge this towards an R rating? Because those are two different answers.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) My eyes. They’re blue-grey. If you look up the color for Ion’s Shark Blue, it’s close to what my eye color is.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? Honestly, I’d look even more like my father. And I’d probably freak the hell out, not gonna lie.

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I don’t think so.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? What qualifies as a unique phobia?

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Philly cheesesteak sandwich with all the fixings, for the win.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Like a boring adult. Groceries. I could use the boost.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? My ass is going to London! See ya’ll later!

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Shoot. I like a lot of alcoholic drinks. I think I’m gonna go with a White Russian, though. With Kahlua, milk, and Grey Goose Vodka. (You said be brand specific.)

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? I am Matriarch. There is no democracy. *grins* We’ve seen where democracy got us. I’m not falling for that shit.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s the same as my favorite word!

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? None. Because those experiences made me who I am as a person, and without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. So, pass.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Where would you go next? Probably the United Kingdom. Not kidding - I really love the UK.

34. What was your last dream about? I’m super bad at remembering my dreams. I do remember being very tense, though.

35. Are you a good advice giver? It very strongly depends on what you need my advice on. I’m kinda hit or miss, to be brutally honest.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Once, when I was super young. I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember my Papa Moffitt visiting and being very upset he didn’t bring me a snack.

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. It’s not what it’s cracked up to be. Sorry, guys.

38. What is the color of your socks? Joke’s on you! I’m not wearing any!

39. What type of music do you like? There’s not much I won’t listen to. I like most everything.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunset. If I’m up at sunrise, I’m NOT a happy camper.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Strawberry. Hands down.

42. What football team do you support? College football - Florida State Seminoles! Pro Football - The Tampa Bay Buccaneers! (I’m a die-hard Bucs fan - they haven’t been good since 1997.)

43. Do you have any scars? They’re scattered here and there. I was an active kid.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? A veterinary tech. I like animals much more than people.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I don’t think I would. I actually really like myself the way I am.

46. Are you reliable? YES. And I know this for a damn fact - I’ve been called in so much, that I think I’ve got it in writing somewhere.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Does it get easier?

48. Do you hold grudges? Oh, yes. I’m very good at it.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I just want a pet Liger. That’s already been done, but that’s what I’d want.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Pfft. Pretty much any conversation I’ve ever had with my bestie. We’re not normal.

51. Are you a good liar? Absolutely not.

52. How long could you go without talking? Not long. I’m a chatterbox. I think the longest I’m quiet is when I’m sleeping.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? Probably the super short pixie cut back in high school. I don’t have the right face shape for it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Like, from scratch? Nah. But I do a decent box cake.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Yeah, but they sound super fake.

56. What do you like on your toast? . .. .I don’t like toast.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? A heart, probably. I can’t draw.

58. What would be you dream car? A Lamborghini. In either yellow or red.

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Do I sing in the shower? Yes. Badly.

60. Do you believe in aliens? I’m not saying it was aliens, but ALIENS.

61. Do you often read your horoscope? It entertains me. So, yeah.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? X. It’s just fun to write.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Uh, DRAGONS. OBVIOUSLY.

64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute. They’re also better when they’re not mine.

I tag @sabotage-prowl! You’re up!

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sapphiresea · 7 years

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1-29 hehehehehehhehehe.... if not all the evens lol!

pride month questionnaire.

what is your sexuality? i’m an ace-spec lesbian.

what do gender do you identify as? cisgender female.

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? oh gosh. i really de-sexualized myself for a long time because i couldn’t stand the thought of being with a guy and i just didn’t think being with a woman was an option... but i remember being acutely aware of it when i was about 13 years old, panicking, and then doing my best to repress it.

do you have any preferences? eyes are a really big thing for me. not necessarily shape or color. i just really love being able to look into a woman’s eyes and see a sparkle. but mostly i look for someone i can laugh with and be real with, you know? it’s really important with me to be with someone i can be myself around and who wants to enjoy life with me.

share a positive memory about coming out! aside from the fact that literally no one was shocked i’m gay and everyone was shocked that i was dating someone besides my best friend... well, shortly after i came out to my best friend, i went to visit her. i was staying with her family, who didn’t know ( and still doesn’t know ) that i’m into girls. her cousin, a grown woman who was raised very, very conservative had actually never heard of gay people before and we were sitting there watching glee with her and kurt came on the screen. tina explained to her cousin that he was interested in men the way a lot of men are interested in women and her cousin looked horrified. i mean, she gasped and exclaimed, “surely there must be some kind of cure for these people!” or something along those lines. she was mortified. and my best friend, without missing a beat, jumped in and shut it down, telling her that there’s nothing wrong with gay people and there doesn’t need to be a ‘cure.’ and i just remember it positively because she said something when she knew i couldn’t without outing myself, and i just very much appreciated it.

how do you feel about pride month? pride all day every day. i mean, where i live, for no logical reason, our pride isn’t until september, so it’s mostly just on the internet that i celebrate in june. but hey, it gives me more reason to make gay jokes, so i’m all for it. but more than that, considering our history and all the lgbtqia+ community has been through to be seen as people, yeah, i think pride month is extremely important. i just think we need to do more to educate everyone – both in and out of the community – on our history and how far we’ve come...not to mention how far we still have to go.

do you participate in pride related events? any other events? surprisingly, not a lot? i’ve been to a few, and i’m definitely going to pride this year, but the community here isn’t very large and a lot of the events are outdoors or in bars, and considering i can’t drink or be in the sun, i don’t often have much to do, you know?

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? i feel like a lot of them are very narrow. most of the roles are cis white male gays, and even then, they’re quite clichéd. lesbians get killed off or end up with tragic endings. bisexual women are erased. bisexual men barely even exist at all. and then there’s, like, one or two trans characters on all of media that tend to be played by cis people. we’ve certainly gotten better with representation, but there is a very long way to go from here. and maybe once it stops being ‘brave’ for a straight/cis actor to play a gay/trans role and we’re not heralding a movie for great representation when there’s one throwaway line about a female character potentially having a girlfriend that’s not even confirmed by more than a shrug ( looking at you, power rangers ), i’ll start taking it more seriously as progress.

do you feel pride in who you are? yes. i would like to be as gay as possible. life might be easier if you’re straight, but god, at what cost???

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? i’m lucky and a lot of the people ( though certainly not all ) have been pretty supportive of me. but i didn’t know any gay people growing up. mostly, i found self-acceptance through media. watching olivia and natalia fall in love on guiding light was the first time i let myself consider my sexuality. through that fandom, i met a couple older lesbians – most notably, marie, who i called my nana, and who acted as a mentor. she took me under her wing and really encouraged me to love myself. portia de rossi also had a big influence. reading her book, i really connected with her. so while i’ve never met her, i would say she was a very important figure in my journey, as well.

tell us about your first crush? my first crush – though, thanks to compulsory heterosexuality and heteronormativity, i didn’t recognize it at the time – was on a blonde girl in my third grade class named sam. we met her first day at school when we literally wore the same shirt but in different colors ( mine was purple, hers was blue ) and we thought that was really cool, so we started hanging out at recess. she straddled a line between being a tomboy and a girly-girl in a way i can’t explain. i was entranced by her. i would’ve followed her anywhere like a lost little puppy. she moved away to another province after a few months and because it pre-dated the internet being such a big thing, we lost touch instantly. i never did find out what happened to her. but i swear for those few months, my little eight year-old self was in love.

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? take your time coming out and telling people. you aren’t lying by being in the closet. your safety and comfort comes above all else. but try to find people – even if they’re online – who will accept you for you and who you can be yourself around. being lgbtqia+ is not something to be ashamed of, no matter how many people try to tell you otherwise.

have you come out to friends and family? yes. most people know i’m gay, especially since i can’t keep myself from making terrible jokes about it all the time. i’ve outed myself a lot just for a laugh. the only people who don’t know are my best friend’s family. it sucks, but it’s because of the culture they grew up in and i get it. i don’t like it, but i get it. and i love them too much to risk them hating me.

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? i don’t really have feelings about it, but it does tend to get that diana ross song stuck in my head.

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? yes. there is one big closet from which we all emerge.

any tips on coming out? just do it in your own time. do it in a way in which you feel comfortable. the rest is up to you, honestly. there’s no one right way to do it.

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? aside from being killed off? aside from never letting the actual lgbtqia+ people play the lgbtqia+ characters? aside from representation being celebrated when it’s just a tiny hint that a character might not be straight or cis? ...lack of puns. almost every non-cishet person i know makes so many jokes about their gender/orientation all the time for their own amusement. if we could replace the disgusting homophobic/transphobic jokes that are like “lol look at these weird queer people!” with lighthearted jokes from the lgbtqia+ character, i would be stoked. but address the actual problems first and then get to that one.

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? i mean... representation is so freaking important because it not only allows us to accept ourselves, but helps people outside the community to actually see us as humans. i swear if it wasn’t for will & grace, my parents would’ve had a very different reaction to my coming out. but i also just really love seeing cute wlw being cute. also this was my favorite thing to ever happen.

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? most of my teachers played the hypotheticals, if they acknowledged the community at all. they spoke of it in debate terms like none of us existed for real. most of them just ignored the subject altogether. the only time i remember it being specifically addressed was in eighth grade when my music teacher’s son came out and she gave us all a big anti-homophobia speech. she said, “one in ten people is gay, which means at least two of you are.” and that was when i promptly turned bright red and internally panicked because my first thought was, “i wonder who the other one is...” followed by “oh my god, no. no. no. i’m not gay!!!” lol nice try, thirteen year old me.

do you practice safe sex with the same gender? i mean i’m ace-spec and i don’t have a lot of sex... but like.... since i’ve never had sex with someone who could get me pregnant or who has stds.... umm... no... but where tf would you even get a dental dam? has anyone even seen those?

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? no sense of humor. i dated a girl who i swear could not laugh. not just at my jokes, but i barely saw her crack a smile in three dates, and that’s as long as we lasted. i was just so not into it.

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? dimples. and making me laugh.

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? yes. more of those, please. i mean, it’s not like i can walk into a starbucks and meet other wlw. i’ve literally only ever met one in the wild and, oh my goodness, let me tell you, we glomped on to one another so quickly. but everyone else, i’ve met over the internet or on an app.

how do you feel about the term “queer” ? i personally like it and use it often. i mean, all of the words in the acronym, every identity has been used as a slur before, and i can and will reclaim it. but i also respect that a lot of people don’t feel the same way. i won’t use it to describe someone if i know it makes them uncomfortable.

how does you country view the lgbtq community? generally we’re pretty well accepted, but you know, there are assholes everywhere. and i also live in the most conservative part of the country, which is fun.

favorite lgbtq actor/actress? well, i mean, i’m obviously a big kate mckinnon fan. i also really love portia de rossi.

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? be open-minded and challenge your own biases.

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? “can i watch?” seriously. i’ve been asked that too often. it’s not funny and it’s definitely not attractive. just fuck off.

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender? i’m fine with it as long as people are asking out of curiosity and a desire to learn, you know? if they’re not questioning whether i’m really a lesbian or whatever, i’m totally cool with it. oh! unless they’re asking for details about my sex life or something gross.

#about me #napstronaut22

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