#just in the way we don’t know the intimate details of your tied out dogs lives

[darkwood-sleddog]

So, I want to clarify here about tie-outs. Here, hunting dogs are often kept in small enclosures, but the dogs are properly exercised and enriched when out of them. I sincerely hope you are advocating for working dogs kept on tie out when not working, because having a dog whose whole existence is on a chain is just inexcusable. Being poor is not an excuse for making that a dog's entire life. Better to have a housedog or a cat if you can't have a fence. Again, working dogs are a different story.

I am advocating against the outright ban of tie outs in general be it working dogs or pets. Just as we can understand that working hounds and sled dogs can have enriched lives off of tie out we can’t possibly know that every pet dog on a tie out isn’t also getting properly enriched. You don’t see every aspect of a tied out pet’s life just as the non-working dog public often advocating for the ban out outdoor working dogs on tie outs don’t see your working dog’s enriched lives.

Are there dogs out there not being properly enriched on a tie out that are pets? Yes. Are there working dogs not being properly enriched on a tie out? Also yes. Are there pets in fenced yards that also lack enrichment? Also yes. Are the dogs that live inside that lack enrichment? Also the answer is yes.

The point is that instead of banning a very valid form of dog containment because some dogs (those often owned by people living in poverty situations) aren’t getting what they need we should instead be uplifting those in our community so they can properly provide for their dogs. There’s a real lack of empathy in your ask that implies that because your dogs get a working life that tie outs are cool but god forbid the poors do the same thing.

[study-coffee-chicago]

Stupid Game (A Halstead brothers + Halstead! sister imagine)

If you've read Someone I Used to Know by Patty Blount, you'll understand where I drew the inspiration from. Warning: includes sexual harassment and threats of sexual assault.

Fifteen days. Fifteen days left of this stupid and terrifying game. You could get through fifteen more days of their stupid game, after all, you were already halfway through. But, seeing as it was halfway done, they'd start to get more desperate. You needed something on you, anything. Pepperspray, mace, a knife, a razor blade--

"Y/N," you were snapped out of your thoughts by your brother, Jay, saying your name. "What are you doing up? I thought you had online first block today?" he asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard.

"I do," you answered, stirring the peanut butter into your oatmeal once more. "Just wanted to get up and get some math homework done," you lied.

"You didn't do it last night?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow at you as he sat down across from you.

"I know, I should've done it. But I was frustrated that I couldn't figure it out and figured maybe looking at it in the morning with fresh eyes would help."

"Fair enough."

"You're not mad I procrastinated?" That was one thing both he and Will agreed on when it came to you and school: procrastinating and not getting your assignments done was unacceptable. They said they didn't care about grades as long as you didn't fail-- and you weren't, you were getting all A's and B's-- but they did care about you trying your absolute best.

Jay shook his head. "No, sounds like you got it all figured out." He looked at his watch. "I gotta go. I'm gonna be late. See you when I get home."

Jay stood up and put his bowl and mug into the dishwasher. "Will you be home for dinner?" you asked...which was really code for if he was going to cook or if you were fending for yourself.

"I don't know. We don't have an ongoing case, so depends on today's case." You opened your mouth to ask if you could order takeout when he stopped you. "And, yes, you can get takeout. I just expect the receipt and change."

"I know, I know. Now, go save Chicago," you said, shooing him out the door.

"It's a team effort," he replied.

"Yeah, yeah. Say hi to Hailey for me."

"Will do!" he yelled to you over his shoulder.

You waited another five minutes until you knew that Jay wasn't coming back before starting your mission. You went into Jay's room and opened his closet. After peering at all the shelves, you had almost given up, when a piece of cardboard on the top shelf caught your eye.

"Gonna need a chair for this," you mumbled and then made your way back into the kitchen and dragged a chair into Jay's room.

After moving a few things, you pulled the box down and set it on the floor. "What are you hiding in here, Jay?" you asked yourself, having never seen this box. You knew it was Jay's though because J. Halstead was written on the side in black permanent marker.

Slowly, you opened the box, as if scared something was going to jump out at you or Jay was miraculously going to appear and tell you not to open it. But, neither of those two things happened.

"Holy shit," you muttered as you opened the box. You thought this stuff was stored away in a storage locker, but it was here all along.

Inside the box was Jay's military uniform, all folded up, along with his dog tags and a few pictures from his time overseas. You felt like you were looking at one of Jay's most intimate secrets, just by looking at this stuff. You wondered who in those pictures came home and who didn't. There was also a small leather journal, and tied to the side of it was a knife.

You picked up the journal and untied the knife from it. You'd be lying if you said that opening the journal and reading it hadn't crossed your mind. But, you viewed your brother as a war hero, and if there was anything in there that would change that view, you didn't want to know. You also knew he had seen some horrific things over there, not that he had ever given you any specific details on the missions, you just knew because of how hard some cases hit him, especially kid cases.

So, you placed everything back into the box just like you found it and put it back on the shelf. Except for the knife, that you kept.

It felt heavy in your hands. The red handle was faded, probably from all the sand that had rubbed against it overseas. You ran a finger over the blade, a little dull from not being sharpened in all these years.

You jumped as your phone alarm went off, alerting you that you had half an hour before you had to leave. You turned it off and placed the knife in your pocket. Then, you dragged the chair back to the kitchen and continued to get ready for school, the extra protection you now had would make you feel more protected for these next fifteen days, that you were sure of.

With the knife safely placed in your backpack half an hour later, you headed off to school.

***

Jay furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at his phone. Your school was calling him, which was odd. The only reason he thought that they'd be calling was that you didn't show up, you weren't a troublemaker like he was when he was in high school. The stakes were higher now, so you couldn't afford to mess up.

"Sarge, I gotta take this. It's Y/N's school," he said and then proceeded to walk to an interrogation room for some privacy in case the call was serious.

"Jay Halstead," Jay said as he answered.

"Mr. Halstead this is Ben White, principal of Central Chicago High School. I have Y/N in my office right now and I would appreciate it if you could come down here."

"Is she in trouble?" Jay asked, knowing if it were anything other than that, he would have told him.

There was a pause on the other end of the line as the principal tried to figure out what to say. "Somewhat. I'll explain more in person."

"Okay, thank you. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

He hung up the phone and exited the interrogation room and went back into the bullpen to grab his keys and coat.

"Everything okay?" Voight asked.

"Not really. Y/N got in trouble at school, so I gotta go talk to her principal."

"What'd she do?" Kevin asked.

"Don't know yet, said he'll explain when I get there."

"Just don't be too hard on her. She's a good kid, Jay."

"I know, which is why I'm shocked that she's in trouble at all."

Hailey placed a hand on his shoulder. "Just call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

***

When Jay walked into the principal's office, it was just like he remembered it from when he was in trouble in high school. Most of his were for a few fistfights at lunch or just not doing his homework. Hell, when he looked at you, you were in the same position he was always in whenever your guys' mom or dad had to come to pick him up: hands in your lap, head down, and eyes trained on the floor like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Mr. Halstead, take a seat," Mr. White motioned for him to sit in the other empty seat facing his desk.

"Please, call me Jay. Mr. Halstead's my father. Now, what's this about?" he asked, looking between you and the principal to see which one of you would be the one to tell him.

"Well, as you know we have a very strict no-weapons policy at the school. And, well, your sister, this fell out of her locker."

At this, you looked up, wanting to gauge Jay's reaction. Something flashed across his eyes for a moment, and then anger took over a few seconds later. "A knife? Really? And my Ranger's knife at that?"

"I'm sorry," you mumbled. But, you couldn't tell him what was going on. After all, it's not like the school would do anything about it, which wasn't for lack of trying because oh people had tried alright.

Jay took a deep breath, not wanting to blow up at you in front of anyone. "Why do you even have it?"

When you didn't answer him, he turned to your principal. "She said that she was snooping through your stuff, and she found the knife, thought it was cool, and wanted to show it to her friends."

Now, snooping, Jay could see. But showing a knife to your friends? Even having a remote interest in any type of weapon? Well, that just wasn't you and you both knew that. But, he knew you wouldn't tell him the real reason unless you were alone, even then it was a long shot.

"I see," Jay nodded. "Let's not beat around the bush here. What kind of trouble is she in?"

"Well, typically we have to call the cops on this type of stuff, but I figured since you were a cop, that this would do. Typically, there's also a three to five day suspension that comes with these things, but seeing everything she's gone through in the past years and that she has outstanding grades and never has even had a detention, I'm going to let her off with a warning. She just has to go home for the rest of the day," Mr. White answered.

"And this won't be on her record?" Jay asked.

"This won't be on her record," Mr. White confirmed.

"What do you say, Y/N?" Jay asked.

"I'm sorry," you apologized, looking up once again.

"And?"

"And it won't happen again." Jay cleared his throat, telling you that you forgot something. "Sir," you added quickly.

It was always something your dad had taught Jay and Will when they got in trouble, that they had to use either sir or ma'am in the apology. Up until today, you never had to use it, but here you were. There's a first time for everything.

"I'm sure it won't," Mr. White said.

"I'm gonna go get my stuff," you said to Jay before leaving the principal's office.

Jay rubbed a hand down his face and sighed. Then, he turned back to Ben White. "I'm really sorry about this. I don't know why she'd do anything like this. This isn't like her--"

"Jay, she's been through a lot," he sympathized. "She's probably just acting out. Every teenager goes through that. We both know you did."

Mr. White was a young teacher back when Jay and Will were in high school, and he got to see some of Jay's fights first hand. He even had to rip him off a kid once in the cafeteria.

"Hey, they were always for good reasons...And, I always won."

"Now that you're not a student anymore, I can agree with that statement." He heard the door to the main office open. "Just, don't be too hard on her, okay?"

Jay nodded and stood up and left the office. Now he had to deal with his sister and try to figure out what was actually the real cause of this.

***

You started to run up the stairs but were stopped quickly by Jay's stern voice. "No, come back down here. We're going to talk about this."

You sighed, knowing you were going to be in deep shit from him since you got nothing from the school. You handed him your phone, but surprisingly, he handed it back to you.

"I get to keep my phone?"

"You do, but that's only because I'm letting you drive to and from school and that's it. You go to school and you come straight home. No stopping for coffee, donuts, fries, nothing. I need you to have your phone on you in case you get in an accident." You nodded, knowing his logic was sound.

"How long?"

"Three weeks."

"Jay! But homecoming's in two and a half! And I'm going dress shopping with Emma this weekend!"

"Should've thought of that before you brought a knife to school, my military knife at that. Why were you looking through my stuff anyway?"

"Just curious, I guess." It was a lie and you both knew it.

"That's not the truth. What's going on? Come on, you know you can tell me."

Not this I can't. But, you didn't say that. "That is the truth, Jay. Now, how am I going to get my homecoming dress?"

"You don't need a dress if you're not going to the dance."

"You can't keep this from me--"

"Yes, yes I can. If it was detention for tardies or a failed test or hell, even a fight, this wouldn't be happening. But you brought a knife to school. Not only is that against school rules, but it's against the law. What you did was illegal, Y/N."

"I know and I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time, not with this. But, if you want to get a dress and go to the dance, maybe doing some extra chores can get you that."

"So, I don't have to tell Emma I can't come this weekend?" you asked, hopefully.

"Not what I said. You still can't go with Emma. If you earn back that privilege, Hailey can take you."

"But, Jay--"

"No buts. I put the offer on the table and I can just as easily take it off."

"Uh, fine."

"Now, I know you have classwork from the classes you missed today, so get to it. And, don't think I won't be telling Will about this."

***

You jolted awake from your sleep. Must've just been a nightmare, you thought. A really loud nightmare.

"You bastard!" you heard Jay yell.

Okay, so not a nightmare.

"Get away from him!"

Him? Who else was in the house besides you and Jay?

If it was serious, you knew Jay would have come to wake you up to get you out of the house or yelled your name by now. Slowly, you stood up and grabbed your phone. Then, you exited your room and walked across the hall to Jay's.

You heard more yelling and tossing and turning as you stood outside his door. After taking a deep breath, you slowly turned the knob and walked into his room.

When you saw the way Jay looked, you instantly knew what this was. "Let him go and no one gets hurt!" he yelled at the top of his lungs.

Jay turned towards you as if he had heard a noise in his nightmare which caused him to abruptly turn. His eyes were moving rapidly beneath his eyelids and his face was dripping sweat.

Luckily, he started to calm down. His breathing started to slow and he hadn't yelled for over a minute.

"Jay," you whispered, taking a step closer to him. "Jay. Jay Halstead," you repeated, this time a little louder.

Nothing. You took a risk and touched his shoulder. "Bastard!" he yelled, throwing a punch which caused you to jump back, his fist narrowly missing your face.

Now it was his as well as your breathing that was coming out jagged.

You couldn't wake him up. You couldn't risk touching him again.

Jay yelled out again, causing you to jump and run out of his room.

You pulled out your phone and dialed the familiar number, hoping that he hadn't gotten called into work.

"Hmmm, hello?" your oldest brother's voice came through your phone, thick with sleep.

"Will, I need you. Please come over."

"Y/N? What's wrong?" He immediately sat up in bed upon hearing the worry in your voice.

"Jay's he's having a nightmare and I can't wake him up and--"

Yelling could be heard in the background and Will cut you off. "Is that him?"

"Yeah." The next part, you said quieter. You knew it wasn't Jay's fault this was happening, but it didn't make your feelings any less valid. "Will, I'm scared."

You heard a door close on Will's end. "It's okay. I don't think he's ever sleep-walked from a nightmare. Just, whatever you do, do not touch him. Understand?"

"Yes." More screaming. "Please, just hurry."

You don't know how you got through those fifteen minutes without completely breaking down. And, in those fifteen minutes, it had gone from yelling to hearing a few things slam to the ground. You assumed it was just things on Jay's bedside table, like his alarm clock, water bottle, and phone that had fallen from him trying to throw punches every which way, but you were too scared to check. What if he was up and standing and could throw things at you? You couldn't do that.

The sight Will saw when he unlocked the door and walked into the house completely broke his heart. You were sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with your feet tucked under you, and silent tears were streaming down your face. If Will hadn't known any better, he would have thought you were making yourself as small as possible as if to disappear.

Will knelt down in front of you so that he was at eye level with you. "Hey, has it gotten worse?" You didn't look at him and that was all the confirmation Will needed.

You let out a deep shaky sob, finally feeling like it was safe for you to make noise again. Will took that opportunity to envelop you in a hug. "It's okay. It's okay. He can't hurt you. It's not him that's doing this. He doesn't know he's home."

"I know he thinks he's in Afghanistan, but he, Will, he almost, if I didn't..." you trailed off, not knowing how to tell your brother that Jay had almost hit you.

"What did he almost do, Y/N? You know he'll want all the details when he wakes up, so just tell me. I promise I won't be mad at him."

You took a deep breath. "He almost hit me, Will. I touched his shoulder and he just swung and--"

"Did I or did I not tell you not to touch him?"

"This was before I called you."

There was another crash and you whimpered. Will gave you one last squeeze and stood up. "Whatever you do, do not follow me, Y/N. I don't want you to see this."

You nodded and tugged your blanket tighter around you as if that was even possible.

The ice was melting in Will's hands as he walked towards Jay's bedroom. He could hear yelling, well, they were more like loud sobs at this point. The floor next to his bed was covered in things that fell from his bedside table: his alarm clock, water bottle, phone, the lamp...which luckily hadn't been on and the bulb hadn't broken.

"Now or never," Will muttered to himself as he stepped towards his younger brother. Then, he flung the ice out in front of him, causing it to land on Jay, and jumped back as fast as possible.

"You bastard! Fuck!" Jay's eyes shot open, drinking in his surroundings.

"Jay," Will said, quietly alerting his brother of his presence before placing his hand on his shoulder. "You're home, in Chicago, you're safe." Noticing that Jay's breathing hadn't yet slowed, Will overexaggerated his inhales and exhales. "Breathe with me. In...Out...In...Out...Good..." And so they continued that until Jay no longer needed Will to guide him through his breathing.

"What happened?" he asked, looking to where his things were strewn on the floor.

"Y/N called me. You were screaming and she tried to wake you up, but couldn't."

Jay's eyes widened. "Oh, God. I didn't...Please tell me I didn't hurt her, Will."

"No, but you did come close. She said she touched your shoulder and you just swung. She jumped out the way, though."

"Oh, God. I almost hit her, Will. Fuck. I'm a horrible brother."

Will sat done next to his brother, despite his sheets being all sweaty. "You are not a horrible brother, far from it. She knows it wasn't you that was doing this. Your mind was somewhere else. Now, do you wanna tell me what happened?"

"It was, it was all because of that damn knife. I don't know why I even kept it in the first place, Will."

"You kept telling someone to let go of him and called someone a bastard. Who?"

"I- There was this kid. His dad was gonna kill him and put a gun to his head. I tried, but I couldn't, I couldn't..." Jay let out a strangled sob and wiped the tears that ran down his face.

Will started to run a hand up and down his back, something he learned long ago that soothed Jay after nights like these. "And the knife?"

"I used that to kill the boy's father. I should have just gotten rid of it when I had the chance."

"Jay, I'm sorry all of this got dug up."

"Yeah, me too. I'm not proud of the man I was back then. I thought I was over this."

"It's okay to fall apart sometimes."

Jay nodded, even though he hated when it happened because the bigger they are, the harder they fall. He bottles up all his emotions that when he finally falls apart, he explodes.

"I think Y/N would want to know you're okay," Will suggested.

You were still in the same position you had been in when Will left you when you heard footsteps approaching you and looked up. Jay's eyes were bloodshot and it was clear as day that he had been crying. You felt the couch dip as Jay sat next to you.

"I'm sorry," Jay said. Slowly, as if not to scare you, he wrapped an arm around your blanket-covered body.

"You scared me," you whispered.

"I know. Will told me. I'm so sorry." He scanned your face, making sure that Will wasn't lying to him when he had told him that he hadn't hit you. "I just need you to know that what you saw, that wasn't me, Y/N. It was my mind bringing me back to a very dark place. I would never, ever, ever knowingly scream at you like that or lay a hand on you."

"I know. You didn't even yell that bad with everything that happened at school today. But, it's all my fault."

"Y/N, look at me." You looked up, your eyes red-rimmed from all the crying. "None of this is your fault. Yes, seeing that knife triggered me. But, I could've just as easily seen it if the box fell over and the knife fell out."

You knew what he was getting at. He was trying to assure you that you and the knife were not what triggered him. It was the knife and the knife only.

"Can Will spend the night?" you asked, knowing that if it happened again, you wouldn't be alone when dealing with it.

"Of course. Now, go back to bed. You've got school tomorrow."

You nodded and stood up, knowing he was right. It was currently 3:30 in the morning and you had been up for an hour and a half and you needed to be awake by 6:00. And, you knew that you needed your focus to be razor sharp at school now that you didn't have any protection.

"Goodnight. I love you guys."

***

The weekend had come and gone and now it was Monday. As much as you hated Mondays, the ones before homecoming were becoming increasingly worse. Everything was fine until you had walked out of school, keys in hand.

"What the fuck?" you yelled as you were slammed into the side of your car, your cheek hitting the window hard.

Then, you felt a hand squeeze your butt. "Fifty points," he whispered in your ear.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you felt his hand reach for your keys. "Get the fuck away from her, Evans!"

Then, you felt him being ripped off of you, by none other than Jordan Atwater.

"Whatever," Derek Evans grumbled as he shrugged Jordan's hands off him. "I got fifty points and she just went from 200 to 250 for the rest of it." Then, he walked away and Jordan was quickly at your side.

"Are you okay?"

"No," you sniffled.

"Here, let me take you home, and then we can tell Kevin and Jay and they can come get your car."

"No! They can't know about this Jordan and you know that!"

"Y/N, he just did that forcibly and they just increased the point value for..." he trailed off, not wanting to say the disgusting words.

"Jordan, I'm fine. I can handle this."

"Fucking hell, Y/N. Do you know what I heard rumors about in the locker room?" You shook your head, not wanting to know at all, but knowing Jordan would tell you anyway. "He was planning on taking your keys so that you'd have to go with him. Some other guys were planning on following you home tomorrow."

"I can't- I don't know what to do, Jordan. It used to just be a stupid game, but now it's this and- fuck."

"I know, I know. Listen, how about I check on you after practice to make sure no one comes over?"

"Jay grounded me. I'll just get in more trouble if you come over."

"What'd you do?"

"Just something stupid," you answered. You knew that if you told him about the knife, he would most definitely tell Kevin.

He raised an eyebrow at you, but let your lie slide. "You're telling Jay tonight or so help me God, I am telling Kevin tomorrow before school."

"Can I just come over to your house?" you muttered.

Somehow, he heard you. "I thought you said Jay would be mad at you?"

"Then we can tell Kev and if Kev knows first, he can tell Jay because I don't want to be the one to tell him. He'll freak."

"Yeah. Tell you what? I'll pick you up at your house right after practice and then we can go to mine."

"Thanks for having my back, Jordan."

"Hey, that's what friends are for."

***

Jordan sucked in a breath as his phone dinged, alerting him that someone else had posted something on that stupid leaderboard for that stupid game.

"Aren't you gonna get that?" you asked as you sat next to him on the couch, assuming it was a text message notification.

"It's, uh, it's not important."

"If it's a text it's probably important."

Before Jordan even had time to react, you snatched the phone from the table in front of him. But, you quickly regretted your decision as your face paled and tears sprang to your eyes.

"Are they- are they all saying these things about me?" you asked, barely above a whisper as you handed Jordan his phone.

His eyes quickly skimmed the comment on the leaderboard in front of him and he sighed. "I mean, they've said some pretty horrible things, but this is up there with the most disgusting."

"What's most disgusting?" Kevin asked as he walked inside to see you two sitting on the couch, Jordan trying to keep his phone away from you despite you having already seen the comment. "Wait, aren't you grounded, Y/N?"

"Does Jay tell all my business to Intelligence?" you grumbled.

Kevin shrugged as he hung up his jacket. "Pretty much. But really, wat'cha doing here?"

You and Jordan shared a look that didn't go unnoticed by Kevin. "What's going on?"

***

"So you wanted to talk to me first so that I could help you break the news to Jay?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah," you mumbled, shocked by you hadn't broken down yet. It was probably just because you were scared to tell Jay, scared of how he would react to people who were doing this, and scared of how he would react to you not having told him until now.

"Let me call him. I think he still had to finish up some paperwork, so maybe he hasn't noticed that you're gone yet."

Kevin walked away to go talk to Jay in private and Jordan went to the kitchen to grab you both some water. Absentmindedly, you ran your fingers over your cheek, not doubting that there would be a bruise there tomorrow due to how hard Derek shoved you up against your car.

"Need some ice?" Kevin asked, having reentered.

"I'm fine," you quickly said, knowing that Jay and Will would be babying you about your face anyway.

"If you say so."

Jordan returned with the water and slid one to you. "Jay mad?" he asked his older brother.

"I mean, I told him Y/N was over here and that she has something to tell him and to not get mad at her."

"Great, that helps a lot," you replied sarcastically.

"I also told him we might have a case."

"Okay, so he knows it's bad then. I just don't wanna blow this out of proportion--"

"Girl, blow this outta proportion?" Jordan interrupted. "They're planning on assaulting you! I think you can blow this up however much you want!"

"I just don't wanna be the one to start this conversation," you admitted.

"We gotchu, girl, we gotchu," Kevin reassured you.

***

"You better have a good reason why you left the house-- without telling me I might add-- when you're grounded!" That was the first thing Jay yelled as Kevin let him into the house.

"Whoa, calm down, man. She's got a good reason to be here--"

"A good reason? A good reason being that she wanted to hang out with Jordan when I clearly stated that she was to come straight home after school!"

Roughly, he pulled a chair out from under the table to sit down across from you. You stayed staring at the wood of the table, not wanting to look him in the eye. "You have a good reason, Y/N?" he asked smugly. "Then look me in the eye and tell me that reason."

Jordan squeezed your shoulder in reassurance, which gave you the bit of confidence you needed to look your brother in the eyes. "I- there's these points and I was pushed and..." you ran your hands down your face in frustration, trying to stop your tears. "I can't do this."

"Is that a bruise forming on your cheek?" Jay asked as you removed your hands from your face, his eyes immediately softening. You nodded. "Care to elaborate?"

"A football player shoved me up against my car and then he- and then he grabbed my ass."

"Does this football player have a name?" he asked, looking to Jordan because he was on the football team.

"He does, but there's more and I'm gonna tell you that first because I don't think Y/N wants to."

"Thank you," you whispered to Jordan.

"So it's more than just a stupid kid playing grab-ass with my sister?" Jay asked, anger starting to seep out once more.

"There's point values attached to each grab," Jordan started. "Grab a girl, it's usually 50 points. Do some other things with her, there's more depending on what it is. Freshmen are strictly off-limits, so it's Y/N's first year dealing with it."

"How long has it been going on?"

"I think the game started totally five years ago. It happens for a month leading up to homecoming. Anyone on the varsity football team pays $10 to play, and whoever has the most points at the end of the month gets the money.

"And this year, they started a leaderboard online, where you can vote on doing different things. If it gets enough votes, it's up for grabs for points. And well, just take a look."

Jordan slid his open phone to Jay and he scrolled through the website, complete with a leaderboard. He looked at the most recent comments and scrolled to the beginning of the thread.

200 points if you can get the cop's sister to give you oral

Jay swallowed a lump in his throat as he read the title and continued to scroll.

100 for the actual act and another 100 if you get it on video

Deal

Deal

Definitely

Just don't get caught

She's small so it shouldn't be that hard

Think she had a crush on me last year, so this should be a piece of cake. Pay up boys

You're on, Evans

Then, he got to the comments after today's events had occurred.

Grabbed Halstead's ass in the parking lot and was so close to getting her keys, but Atwater stopped me. Buzzkill. It's gettin' close to hoco, so points for her are now up to 250

Eh, I'll just follow her home tomorrow and then get her before her brother gets home

Her lips will probably feel so good wrapped around me

Jay let out a shaky breath as he got to the end of the thread. "You're right, Kev. I think we might have a case on our hands. You wanna go home, Y/N?"

"I'm scared," you said as you looked up at your brother, tears streaming down your face. "What if they come to the house, Jay?"

"Y/N, I promise you that I will never, ever allow that to happen."

***

You were in the shower, but you could still make out the faint sound of Jay's voice. You didn't know who he was talking to, but you assumed it was either Will, Voight, or Hailey.

All the events of the past two weeks came down on you, crushing you like a ton of bricks. You knew this game was going to happen, but what you didn't know was that they going to do that 200, well now 250 points for you. At least, you hadn't known until Jordan told you and begged you to tell someone.

Since the start of this sick, twisted game, you made sure to wear something that always covered your butt, such as a long sweater or hoodie paired with jeans or leggings. But apparently, that didn't stop money-hungry and hormonal teenage boys.

The first time it happened, it was just a quick pinch when you were standing at your locker, nothing too alarming. Hell, you hadn't even known who it was. But then, once the 200 points were on the line, they started getting more and more aggressive, cornering you after lunch or after class, blocking you from exiting the locker bank.

You had heard the whispers of what Derek Evans planned to do, so you took matters into your own hands, hence stealing Jay's knife from the Rangers. People always said to go to the school, that they'd stop if enough people told. But, they never stopped. Girls had tried and tried last year, and nothing happened. Hell, you were so close to talking to the principal but were cornered right before walking into the main office, so you gave up. You figured you could just put up with it until it was over, despite how much anxiety simply going to school was now giving you.

You stepped out of the shower, dried off, and changed into your pajamas. Then, you glanced at yourself in the mirror: puffy and red eyes and cracked lips stared back at you. You hadn't even felt human since this thing started. You felt like a fucking object.

A fucking arcade game that told them that if they tried hard enough they'd win a damn prize.

The gut-wrenching sob that left your lips stopped Jay on his way to the kitchen. Jay made his way to the bathroom and knocked on the door, your sobs still ever-present.

"Y/N, can I come in? Please?" He asked quietly, using the voice he used when he had to talk to children on the job.

"I just wanna be a-alone right now J-Jay," you hiccupped.

Jay sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You know I can't let you do that. It's not healthy." He didn't get a response, so he just stood outside the bathroom, hoping you'd exit sooner rather than later.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. And your breathing just got shallower and shallower. "Are you dressed?" he asked.

It took you a moment, but somehow you managed to tell him that you were.

Your vision was starting to go blurry and your feet and fingers were starting to go numb. The sides of your head were pounding so much that you thought it was going to explode.

Jay took a paperclip and unfolded it, then pressed it into the knob until a click was heard. The door was heavier than he had expected, alerting him that you were slumped against it. You felt yourself being pushed forward, but at this point, you didn't even care since you were too focused on not passing out. But, if you did pass out you figured, at least your mind wouldn't wander to all the recent events.

"Y/N, Y/N, open those eyes for me, okay? Just look at me. Focus on me," Jay urged you after he had squeezed himself through the door and was now crouching down in front of you.

"C-Can't-- Open eyes-- hurts," you said through shallow and fast breaths.

"Okay. I'm gonna squeeze your hand. Just focus on the touch and try and follow my breathing."

"What-- if I-- pass-- out?"

"I won't let that happen. Now in, out, in, out. Good. Now I'm gonna add a second. In, out, in, out..."

You continued to focus on Jay's voice as you slowly but surely started to regain feeling in your feet and fingers.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" Jay asked, once your breathing had returned to a semi-normal state for a few cycles. Slowly, you opened your eyes but quickly closed them. "Head still hurt?"

"Yeah."

"That'll happen when not enough oxygen gets to the brain. You can even ask Will to fact check me." You heard the doorbell ring. "Speaking of Will..."

"You didn't."

"But I did. He brought food, too."

"Jay? Y/N? You here?" you heard Will yell from down the hallway after he entered the house.

"Bathroom!" Jay replied, causing you to wince due to how close he was to your ear. "Sorry."

"What the hell happened?" Will asked as he rushed to crouch down in front of you, going into doctor mode when he saw your eyes were clenched shut. There was a pause as Jay mouthed panic attack to his older brother. "Okay, well I'm gonna go get you some water, hopefully that'll make your head stop hurting and then I'll check out that cheek of yours."

"Do you have to?" you whined.

"Kid, one day you'll thank me for this."

"I doubt it," you mumbled.

Will came back with a glass of water and slid it into your hand, making sure that your hand was firmly wrapped around it before letting go. After waiting about a minute after you'd finished the water, you opened your eyes.

"Better?" Will asked.

"Better," you confirmed. "Thanks."

"That's what big brothers are for."

"So that means you don't have to go all doctor on me?"

"Ha, that was funny. Now, sit on the counter so I can take a look."

You pushed yourself off the floor and then onto the counter, Jay standing up after you to stand next to Will. Great, now you had two worried older brothers both looking at the same thing. At least they weren't both doctors.

"Damn, it's already bruising," Jay said as he looked on.

Will hand gently touched your cheek. "Tell me if anywhere hurts." He touched from your jaw up to your cheek bone, but the only place you told him that hurt was between the two and a bit at the bottom of your cheek bone.

"You're lucky," Will started, "You hit it just a bit higher I might have to take you in for x-rays to make sure you didn't bruise or fracture your cheek bone."

"No hospital?" you asked hopefully.

"No hospital," Will confirmed. "Just lots of ice."

"Come on, let's go get that food Will brought before it gets too cold...and the beer for me and him gets warm."

***

You walked into Intelligence with Jay the next morning, trying to think of anything but the worried looks you were getting. "It's okay to be scared," Jay told you, giving your shoulder a squeeze. "And, I'll be there the whole time."

"Do you have to?" you asked him.

"Because you're a minor and I'm your legal guardian, they can't talk to you unless I'm there. So, yes, I have to be with you."

"Hailey," Voight's raspy voice carried through the bullpen. "You go talk to Y/N. Ruzek, go talk to Jordan."

"Jordan's here?" you asked, looking up at Jay.

"Yeah. Kevin wanted him to give a statement, too. Said he can attest to all the stuff that was said in the locker room."

"Oh." You didn't want to think about the things that were said. If you thought what they were posting was bad, what they talked about in the locker room you knew would be ten times worse.

You followed Hailey into the breakroom. Despite being here dozens of times before, it felt odd to you this time, eerie, as it was waiting to gobble up your deepest and darkest secrets and fears and share them with the world.

Hailey sat across from you and Jay sat next to you. "Jay, I need you to read this over and sign it since Y/N's a minor." She slid two pieces of paper over to him and he glanced at them and quickly scribbled his signature.

Hailey gave him a look that said you're not gonna read it? "I've told parents what this says before. I know the drill." Hailey nodded and took the papers from him.

"Start from the beginning, Y/N. What happened with Derek Evans?" Hailey prompted.

"I have a question." Here goes nothing. Hailey nodded at you to continue while Jay furrowed his eyebrows. He had been over how this was going to work with you before you even stepped out of the house this morning to try and ease your nerves. "Does it matter?"

"Does what matter? What he did to you? Of course, it does," Hailey answered.

"No, sorry. That came out wrong. "Does it matter that I had a crush on him last year...and kinda into this year." The crush only lasted two months into this school year though, when you found out he had cheated on his current girlfriend. But last year, oh last year your crush was in full swing and you took every opportunity you could to talk to the then junior, and there was no fooling anyone in that school that you had been head over heels for him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not following," Hailey apologized.

"Since I had a crush on him and he knew it, couldn't he take that as I wanted this?"

"No. It's only consent if both parties agreed to it."

"But maybe me having a crush on him would make him think that."

Now, it was Jay's turn to speak. "Did you take health class yet?"

"No, I take it next semester. Why?"

"The teacher will talk about consent there, but I guess we're doing it now." He looked at Hailey to make sure this was okay and she nodded at him to continue. "What do you think has to happen for someone to not consent?"

"One of them has to say no or stop."

"Is that the only way to be sure?"

"I mean, I guess."

"See, that's where you're wrong. It's not consent if you slap his hand away. It's not consent if you're too drunk to say yes. Same for drugs. It's not consent if you're coerced into it. And, consent can be revoked at any time. Any time. To keep it simple for you to remember right now, it's only consent if you and him both said yes to this. And, I know you didn't say yes to what happened to you and what they were threatening to do to you."

"So, even though I didn't say stop or no right away when he pushed me up against my car and grabbed me, I still wasn't consenting?" you asked.

"No," Hailey answered. "Did he ask to grab your butt?"

"No."

"Therefore, there was no consent involved."

There was a knock on the door and Hailey got up to answer it. "Halstead, a word," Voight ordered, motioning for him to follow.

Jay glanced at you. "Hey, don't worry, kid. Everything will work out one way or another."

Jay followed Voight into his office and closed the door. "What's up, Sarge?"

"The kid who grabbed your sister, well he's 18, Jay. Just turned 18 last month."

"So, we can press more charges?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Since all we have are threats and Y/N's and Jordan's word against his, most we can do is forcible touching. If he had acted on the threat, then that'd be a different story."

"So, you're saying that she had to be forced to have oral sex with this ass to press more charges? The threats aren't enough? Even though we clearly have proof of the threats from that goddamn leaderboard."

"I know it's not ideal--"

Jay threw his hands up. "Ideal? It's ridiculous!"

Voight was about to say something, but was stopped by a knock on his office door. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Boss, we got a problem," Ruzek said as he entered.

"What type of problem?"

"The Evans kid? Yeah, well his dad's the president of the school board."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was, Boss."

"Jay, go see if Y/N knew about this. The rest of us are gonna figure out how to proceed with this new information."

Jay was about to enter the breakroom, when his phone buzzed. It was Will.

Any news? the text read.

Other than the fact that the Evans kid's dad is the president of the school board and we only have enough to get him on forcible touching, no nothing new.

Jay didn't even think about the fact that he was sharing information about an open investigation. To him, this was just him talking to his brother about the case that involved his sister.

Jay held down the power button to turn his phone off and then walked back into the breakroom. "Anything?" Hailey asked.

"Uh, yeah. But let's finish interviewing Y/N first. I know we had to stop since I left."

Jay sat back down next to you and Hailey started questioning you once again.

"Did you know that this game was going to happen?" Hailey asked.

"Yeah, that's why I started wearing long sweaters and hoodies, to try and cover up my butt."

"Okay, and when it start to turn into more than grabs?"

"Um, one day Jordan called me after school and he told me that Derek was planning to get me to..." you trailed off, not wanting to say it.

"I know you think it's disgusting to say, Y/N, but I need you to say what he said to you."

You looked up at Jay, feeling like a five-year-old who was about to say a swear word. "It's okay. We won't laugh or get mad."

"He uh, Jordan told me that Derek was going to get me to give him a blowjob...even if he had to force me to do it."

A few tears ran down your face. Even though your brother was a cop, telling the actual cops in an actual statement made it that much more real.

"Do you want a break? Some water maybe?" Hailey asked.

"No, I'm fine. I just wanna get this over with."

"Okay. Did anyone try and tell the principal? Any teachers? Other adults?"

"Girls tried, they really did. They told Mr. White, the principal, but he said that they didn't have any proof. And, he also said that they were football players and that some of them had shots at scholarships for D1 schools. Why would we want to wreck that for them, is what he had asked us. And, Derek's dad is on the school board, so we knew that even if it went further than the principal and to the superintendent or school board, that nothing would happen.

"I was gonna try to tell Mr. White once, but I was cornered before I got into the main office, so I was scared."

You turned to Jay now. "I'm sorry. I should've told you when this all started but I didn't want to get made fun of or have more things happen at school because what if they canceled football and it was all my fault and--"

"You need to remember that you did nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing, you hear me?" you nodded. "And what White did, basically saying that boys will be boys, that makes me sick. And if I had a way to arrest him, I would."

"Thanks, Jay."

A comfortable silence fell over you before you explained everything else, like Derek shoving you against your car and forcibly grabbing your ass. You also explained how Jordan had said that he was planning on taking your keys so you'd have to have oral with him to get them back and how other players were planning on following you home.

After that, you were out in the bullpen, when Trudy Platt came up the stairs. "Hank, Halstead, I need you to go this address."

Platt handed Voight a piece of paper, which you're assuming had the address on it. "Why? This doesn't have to do with our case. Couldn't patrol do it?"

"I don't think Halstead would be pleased if I put his brother in lockup, so I figured I'd have you two go check it out," she answered.

"What did Will do?" you piped up before Jay could.

"Let's just say him and Derek Evans each got a few punches in," Trudy answered. "I thought you two could be the ones to go down and get him."

"Thanks, Trudy," Voight said as he started to walk downstairs. But, he stopped when he noticed that Jay wasn't following.

"Uh, Hailey," Jay called. "Could you maybe take Y/N to Will's house while I do this? I just don't want her at home in case they somehow got our address."

"Yeah, no problem," Hailey answered, taking the spare key Jay handed her.

You four walked down the stairs and then each headed your separate ways. Once Jay and Voight were in the car, Voight turned to him. "Care to tell me how Will found the name and address?"

"Sarge, I have absolutely no idea." And then he remembered the text he sent. "Oh, oh shit. Listen, it was an accident. He asked me if we had any new information, and I told him that Derek was 18 and he must've just went from that. Sorry, I wasn't thinking. To me, this isn't just an investigation, it's an investigation that involves my sister and I was just giving information to my brother without thinking about the legal ramifications."

"I get it, Jay. I did the same thing with Justin."

"Are we really arresting him?"

"No, but we are gonna have a chat with Derek and his father."

***

"I want to press charges!" Derek Evans' dad yelled when Jay and Hank rolled up to the scene. "This man assaulted my son!"

"Yeah? Well, your son assaulted my sister, so I think it's even!" Will spat back.

"Let's just take a moment to talk this out," Voight said, stepping between the two.

"I won't talk until you put this man in handcuffs!"

Voight turned and nodded at Jay. "Sarge, you can't be--"

"I am serious, Jay. Now do it and bring him to the car. Now."

Jay gritted his teeth and put Will's hands behind his back. "You have the right to right to remain silent. If you give up this right, anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. If you do not have the money to afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights as they have been told to you?" Jay recited as he led Will to the car.

"Yes. Jay, what are you--"

"Just go with it," Jay hissed in his ear, causing his older brother to shut up.

Jay put Will in the back of the car and then got in the passenger seat. "Now, in a second I'm going to take these off and then I'm gonna go inside and talk to them with Voight. Do not, under any circumstances, get out of the car. You understand me?"

"Yeah, now can you get these off me? You put 'em on real tight, Jay."

Jay smirked as he took Will out of the car and undid his cuffs. "Payback for all the times you poked me with a needle." Then, he looked at Will's face. "Looks like the kid got a few good punches on you. There's gonna be a real nice shiner there," he joked.

"Shut up and go finish your job." Will rolled his eyes as Jay put the cuffs back in his pocket and left Will in the car.

When Jay walked into the Evans' residence he saw Derek, Derek's dad, and Hank all sitting down at the kitchen table. "Now, we know that your son has threatened to force himself on a girl at school, so this can go one of two ways," Voight started as Jay stood behind him. "We can either contact the media and tell them all about this little game he and his teammates like to play, but that he took a step too far, which would ensure he doesn't get into a good college. Or, you could transfer him out of his current high school and to a new one and this doesn't get out to the press. Your choice."

"You don't have enough to charge him, so why would I pull my son out of school his senior year?"

"Because, once word gets out, well no college wants a guy with a history of sexual assault on their football team. It sets a bad image."

"It's not like I even did anything!" Derek protested, while still trying to hold the ice pack to his lip that Will had busted open.

"Oh, didn't do anything? Let me enlighten you. You got the pictures, Sarge?" Jay asked.

"Got 'em right here."

Voight laid all the pictures of the leaderboard and the messages about you on the table. "The girl who Derek said he wanted to get oral sex from? That guy in the back of our car right now is her brother. Now, do you understand why the fight broke out, Mr. Evans?"

Derek's dad looked back and forth between the pictures and his son, trying to figure out how his son could do this. "Derek, did you say these things?"

"Oh, he did more than say. He slammed the girl up against her car and forcibly grabbed her backside," Jay said, not wanting to admit he was your brother or else there would be a conflict of interest in this encounter. And, even though Derek knew, Jay was the one with a gun so he figured the best idea would be to not piss him off.

Voight laid the picture of your bruised cheek on the table. "This is what happened because of that. She's lucky she didn't break her cheekbone."

"I'm- I'm sorry," Derek finally spoke up. "It was just supposed to be a fun game that we bet some money on who could get the most points."

"A game? A game is football. This is bordering on assault. We are far from a game," Jay told him.

"So, what's it gonna be? Take Derek out of school and transfer him or do I call the media? You have five seconds," Voight told him, pulling out his phone to silently tell them that he wasn't bluffing.

Derek's eyes widened. "I'll transfer! I'll transfer!"

"Derek, we need time to think about this--"

"No, Dad, I need a shot at a scholarship to go D1."

"Then it's settled. Thank you for your time."

Jay and Voight left the house and went back to the car. "What's the verdict?" Will asked.

"He's transferring schools," Voight answered and handed the folder of evidence photos to Jay.

"Why are you giving these to me?"

Voight shrugged. "Do with them what you want, Halstead. I wouldn't blame you, no one would."

***

"Hailey, can you give me and Y/N a second?" Jay asked as you entered you house and shrugged off your coats.

"Of course."

"You can stay out here. We'll talk in Y/N's room," Jay said.

You walked down the hall and went into your room and sat on your bed. "So, what's up? Did you arrest Derek?"

"Unfortunately, we didn't have enough evidence to do that."

You looked down at your hands. "But then it's just gonna keep happening, Jay. I don't wanna go back there."

"Back where?" he asked, sitting next to you.

"To school, it'll just be worse."

"Hey, no it won't because he's transferring schools."

"But the other boys will just keep doing it, Jay. I'm terrified."

"Hey, hey look at me." You looked up at Jay, trying to stop yourself from crying. "That will not happen, I can promise you that."

"But you don't know that."

"Just trust me on this one."

"Okay," you whispered.

"And one more thing," Jay started. "If it didn't already go without saying, you're ungrounded because I'm assuming you brought that knife to school to use in case anything happened. And, with what happened yesterday, I can't say I blame you."

"Thanks, I figured as much."

"Now, next time you need something for self-defense, we're just gonna get you some pepper spray."

"Good idea."

"Let's go back out to Hailey and you two can look at Pinterest or whatever for dresses or whatever it is girls do with that stuff."

***

The next morning, you woke up to message after message about school. There were links sent you entitled Football Player Assaults Girl Outside of School Because of a Bet and Principal of a Chicago High School Resigns Because of Complaints from Girls about the Football Team Sexually Harassing Them, but He Didn't do Anything about It.

You could not believe it. Just 48 hours ago you were freaking out about having to go to school for fear of a guy grabbing you or doing something worse. And now, you could go to school and feel comfortable. And, those boys wouldn't do anything else and if something did happen, you'd be able to tell the assistant principal--who was now acting principal--about what was happening and have something actually be done about it.

"Jay!" you yelled as you ran into the kitchen, almost bumping into him.

"Whoa, slow down! I almost spilled hot coffee on you!" he laughed as he set his mug down on the table and turned back to you.

"Sorry, sorry. Have you seen this? Someone leaked the leaderboard and now Mr. White resigned! I'll actually be able to focus in class now!" You slid the phone to him and he looked at the titles in the notifications. "I just wonder who did it."

"Told you I'd handle it." Then, he took a sip of his coffee.

"Oh my God, you were the one who leaked it?" Your eyes almost popped out of your head. Couldn't that get him in trouble?

"I never said that."

"You just sipped your coffee like that Kermit and the sips tea meme, so yeah, I think you did," you playfully argued.

"Well, technically, it wasn't me. I just passed on a copy of the pictures to a CI of mine, whose cousin happens to work for the Chicago Sun-Times."

"Bye-bye college football for all these assholes."

"And the city's a safer place because of it."

"Hey, what do I always say: Go save Chicago."

"Team effort. And this time, Y/N, you got to play a part in that team."

A/N: I know it's been almost a month since I've posted an imagine, but school is busy and I'm writing long imagines, which usually take me a week to write, so that's why.  Oh, and happy Valentine's Day (bc that's in like 2 days). Go cuddle with your boyfriend/girlfriend if you have one. Or, if you're single (like me) go read some cute fluffy fanfiction and eat all the chocolate!

[xomarauders]

posted this on ao3 awhile back and had a hard time getting tumblr to upload it, but it finally worked so here you go

content warning for referenced child abuse

~

The warmth of summer filtered through the window, casting rays of sunshine across the floor of James Potter’s bedroom carpet where Remus was splayed out, tracing patterns into the ridiculously soft material. He was sure that James charmed it to keep it so fluffy, otherwise it would not have survived the footfalls of four, rowdy boys that found refuge here during the summer. It used to be only the three of them—James, Remus, and Peter, that is—until Sirius was able to join permanently halfway through the summer season. His parents had never allowed for him to visit the Potter’s while he was still living under their roof, but now that the raven-haired boy had run away and was officially disowned, well, Remus was sure the carpet would have wilted under Padfoot’s grubby paws by now.

Either way, Remus was sure that there was nothing better than laying on James’ charmed carpet with his three best friends, listening to music from the record player—that had also been charmed to work without electricity—and chatting about whatever came to their minds. They were all sat on the floor aside from Sirius, who was perched in the window, smoking, and watching as the birds flew around outside. Remus smirked—the boy really was such a dog.

“It’s our last years at Hogwarts, boys,” James announced as he pushed his glasses further up his nose, “what are we going to do once it’s all over?”

It was a question that held a lot of weight, depending on how you looked at it. What were they going to do as far as it came to pranks and leaving their legacy at Hogwarts or what were they going to do as soon as they graduated. Maybe get jobs, possibly go to university, more likely join the Order to fight a war they didn’t start. Remus didn’t care to think about any of these things. His future had been something he considered to be doomed since he was four years old and suddenly had to share his mind with a beast that tore apart his body every month. He had never even planned on having the life he had gotten—the chance to go to Hogwarts, to make friends…to fall in love.

He cast glance toward Sirius, whose own gray eyes were already looking to Remus, a thoughtful expression on his face. Remus grinned at him, tilting his head so that his curls fell into his eyes. Sirius smiled back, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He’d been smiling like that a lot, lately. Remus made a mental note to ask him about it later that night.

“I don’t know about you lot, but I have no idea what I’m going to do without all of you around,” Peter said.

“Don’t worry, mate,” James said, patting Peter on the shoulder, “you can’t get rid of us that easy! Marauders till the end, right?”

There was a certain admiration that Remus held for James Potter, the savior of the cursed and the damned. He had banded them all together; the timid boy, the broken werewolf, and the wayward heir to make a family. Remus would never be able to repay James for the unconditional love he’d shown him, but he was willing to try everyday for the rest of his life.

“Marauders till the end,’ Sirius repeated, extracting himself from the window as he put out his cigarette. He joined them on the floor, laying down next to Remus and pressing himself tightly against the other boy. Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius, partially out of habit and partially because it was what Sirius needed, something he was starved of. Touch had been something of a guessing game between the two of them ever since they started their relationship. Neither of them were quite used to being touched in such casual ways until they became friends with James—who was constantly giving out hugs like they were candy—and starting a relationship had made the concept even more confusing. Not only did they have to think about what sort of casual touching was okay for each of them, but now they had to factor in intimate contact. Kissing was okay, just as long as they were alone in the safety of Remus’ four poster bed or hidden in one of the various alcoves they had discovered while creating the Marauders Map. Remus thought it might even be okay here, in James’ bedroom, to sweetly kiss his boyfriend without fear of judgment or ridicule. Still, he let Sirius make those decisions, allowed him to initiate any sort of contact between them because while Remus’ aversion to touch stemmed from not being able to trust himself, Sirius’ came from not being able to trust others. He was easily spooked by any sort of sudden movement that came his way, a side effect of Walburga Black’s outstanding parenting skills, and no amount of James’ casual hugs or Remus’ gentle caresses have seemed to break him of this habit.

“What are you thinking about, Moons?” Sirius whispered. James and Peter were too busy arguing over which record to play next to notice their other two friends.

“You,” Remus said easily. Sirius blushed—an image Remus would never tire of seeing—and reached up with his slender fingers to brush away the curls that had fallen in Remus’ eyes.

“Me,” Sirius said, a hint of astonishment in his voice.

Remus wished Sirius wouldn’t sound so surprised at the idea of someone thinking of him. It hurt to know that Sirius did not quite value himself the same way Remus, James and Peter did and it was times like these where Remus wanted to meet Walburga and Orion Black in person just so he could give them a piece of his mind.

“Lads,” James said, throwing himself on top of them unceremoniously, “let’s head on downstairs. I think mum’s made dinner.”

The four of them trailed down the stairs, Sirius holding Remus’ hand while James raced ahead to slide down the railing. Fleamont was in the parlor, reading the newspaper and looking up as the boys made their presence known. He greeted them all, and asked James in a calm tone to perhaps not ride the staircase like a broomstick. James at least had the decency to turn red before assuring his dad it would never happen again (everyone knew it would). Euphemia was in the kitchen, apron tied around her waist and her gray hair up in a knot on her head. Sirius leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, and she gently reached out to him, not quite taking his face in her hands until she saw the smallest nod of permission.

“My darling,” she said, her eyes welling up with tears, “you look well.”

Remus knew what Euphemia was thinking about as she took in Sirius’ appearance. It was the same thing he had thought of over and over again as he laid in bed at night, his arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend in attempt to keep him safe from the nightmares that occupied his mind. The frail and beaten Sirius that had collapsed on the Potter’s doorstep those few weeks ago had been nursed back to health by the healing powers and carefulness of Euphemia Potter. Still, it was hard to get that image of Sirius lying half dead out of Remus’ mind. He could hardly imagine what it was like for Euphemia who had seen the worst of his injuries after shoving everyone else out of the room in order to heal him. James, Remus, and Peter had stayed up all night, waiting outside the spare bedroom door where they could hear Euphemia sobbing over Sirius’ sleeping form. Remus would rather have faced the full moon a hundred times instead of waiting those long three days for Sirius to wake up.

“Thanks, mum,” Sirius said. The four boys crowded around the kitchen table, eagerly reaching toward the various dishes Euphemia had spread about. Fleamont had joined them, sitting between his wife and Sirius. James immediately went for his mother’s main dish, filling his plate full before passing it to Peter, who was already nibbling on some naan. Remus loved Euphemia’s cooking. It was different than that of his mother’s—not that he would ever pass up his mam’s wonderful Sunday dinners—and he was happy to able to enjoy the different flavors offered whenever he visited. Euphemia always made far too much, making sure that everyone got their fill as well as some leftovers. She was an angel, truly.

Sirius did not fill his plate as full as the others. He was still very thin, with his jaw looking more pronounced and Remus knew his hipbones were a bit more jutted out. Punishments at Grimmauld Place were harsh and Sirius had been starved well into the first few months of summer. It was still a process, trying to get him to eat without getting sick, but they were managing best they could. Remus watched as Sirius poked at his food, looking a bit scared of it before setting his fork down and letting out a frustrated sigh. James looked up from his own plate, regarding Sirius with a look of concern from across the table.

“You okay there, Padfoot?” He asked, keeping his tone light but Remus could see the worry in his dark eyes. Sirius nodded, picking up his utensils once more.

“Yeah. I’m fine, just…” He trailed off, looking down at the table and not daring to meet anyone’s eye. Remus felt a sudden need to shield Sirius away from everyone else’s intense gaze, the wolf within him becoming quite territorial. He pushed those feeling away, not permitting the wolf access to its most basic instincts in the fear that the wolf might be visible on the surface. Still, even his human mind seemed to want to take Sirius away from the scrutiny.

“Darling,” Euphemia said, “you don’t have to eat it all. Just a few bites of naan if you can bear it. Just to keep up your strength.”

Sirius smiled tightly at her but did not move to eat. The rest of them reluctantly picked at their own food, trying to keep things as normal as possible. Fleamont engaged his son in conversation about Quidditch, asking after the Gryffindor team and what he thought their chances were this upcoming school year. Peter politely asked after the herbs Euphemia was growing in her kitchen—he had a thing for herbology—and she answered each question with detail. Remus turned his attention to Sirius, his hand coming to rest on the older boy’s knee. Sirius flinched slightly and then blinked as he realized it was only Remus.

“Do you want to go on a walk?” Remus asked quietly, rubbing circles with his thumb into Sirius’ thigh. The other boy nodded, standing quickly, and exiting the kitchen. The conversations happening came to an abrupt halt and Remus could feel James’ gaze turn towards him. He looked to his friend, a silent conversation passing between them.

Is he okay?

No, but he will be.

Remus walked out, trailing through the living room and out the back door which lead to the Potter’s spacious garden. When Remus had first visited the Potter’s home when he was thirteen, he had the startling realization that James Potter was very well off. It was a bit daunting, especially since Remus’ whole house could probably fit within one room of the mansion and he had been a bit nervous to even touch anything in fear of breaking it. Of course, Fleamont and Euphemia were no stranger to rough-housing, having known exactly what they were getting into with their own son, and Remus’ worries were quickly put to ease when Euphemia simply waved her wand at a vase that had tragically fallen to the floor amidst their game of dog-pile on Peter. Young Remus had almost forgotten that magic existed outside of Hogwarts, and he was in awe at seeing performed in such a domestic setting.

His favorite part of James’ home though was the garden. It was so big! There were wonderful trees that provided much needed shade on hot summer days, and pools of water run by magic to keep the vegetation alive. There were many times the boys pretended to be magizoologists searching for creatures in a jungle, or highly trained aurors on the hunt for evil wizards and—Remus’ personal favorite—pirates looking for treasure. It was a place filled with joy and adventure and even as the boys got older, it remained their sanctuary. Sirius had spent a lot of time in the garden since he arrived, sitting by himself beneath the starlit sky, crying out for his brother and the family that had hurt him. Remus had watched in privately, not daring to intrude on such moments, but wanting to be within reach just in case.

Sirius sat there now, next to a bed of deep red roses, softly running his fingers across the petals. Remus walked up, careful not spook him, and sat down beside him. He flickered his eyes in Sirius’ direction and noticed the other boy had started crying, but he did not pry. Now was not the time for that. Instead, he let his fingers trail through the grass beneath him and let his words fall lazily off his tongue.

“I read a new book at the beginning of summer,” Remus began, his tone light. “Mrs. Dalloway. It was a quick read. The entire novel takes place over the course of one day, how interesting is that? It’s become one of my favorites I think. Woolf is a great author—Virginia Woolf, she’s the one who wrote it.”

Sirius seemed to perk up at this. “Woolf? Could you be anymore ironic, Moony?”

A light laugh escaped Remus. “Believe me, I know. Mum was worried about that when she got it for me.”

The tension snapped back into Sirius as quickly as Remus realized his mistake. Hope Lupin was a generous woman, young and vibrant with a taste for progressive ideologies and love for everyone she met. She adored her son and kept him safe, never shying away from him despite his affliction with lycanthropy and Remus sometimes forgot how lucky he was to have her in his life until he was sat next to Sirius and realized that the Hope Lupin’s and Euphemia Potter’s of the world were unfortunately not the norm for everyone.

“They hate me,” Sirius says abruptly. “They hate that I don’t agree with them. That I don’t want to fucking pledge my allegiance to some dark lord who wants to kill all my friends and I—” he chokes off, a sob escaping him, “I don’t want to care, Remus. I don’t want to be bothered by the fact that my mother would rather curse me instead of hug me and that my father would rather have me dead instead of tarnishing his precious family name. But I do. I do care because they should care. I’m their son, I am their fucking flesh and blood and if blood is all that matters to them then why don’t they care about me?”

There were tears in his eyes as he looked at Remus, tears that Sirius had been holding back ever since he was eleven years old and discovered that parents were not supposed to punish their children for wanting to be loved, the pain and anguish of that realization that had built up over time finally reaching a breaking point. Remus’ own heart was breaking as he stared helplessly, not knowing what to do. These were not problems children were supposed to have. They were supposed to be young, careless, and dreaming up pranks to pull once they got back to school. Instead, they had to contend with a looming war and parents who were cruel and a curse that transformed you into a monster. This was their life, and it would never be easy, Remus thought, not for them.

“Sirius,” Remus whispered, “there are no words I can say to express to you how sorry I am that you’ve had to deal with any of this. Your parents…they’re wrong. They are so fucking wrong and they are so fucking blind for not being able to love you. You are the most loveable human being. You’re generous and caring and you…you take notes for me. When I miss class. And you always make sure my pillows are nice and fluffy after the moon and you rub those soothing salves on my skin at night. And you make me that special tea whenever I’m sick and you read to me when I can’t sleep. You kiss me like it’s the first time every time and you love me like it’s the only thing you’re meant to do. You clean James’ glasses for him and you make sure his Quidditch gear is ready to go on game day. You help Peter study and you let him go on and on about divination with you despite it being your least favorite subject. You’re the first one up to dance with Marlene at the parties and you braid Lily’s hair whenever she’s feeling upset over her sister. You are one of a kind, Sirius Black. You are a good friend and a good brother and you are the love of my life. Believe me when I tell you that you are loved.”

Sirius stared at him, the tears falling from his eyes leaving trails across his cheeks. He reached out for Remus, pulling the taller boy closer to close the distance between them. Sirius’ lips met Remus’, a tender kiss filled with gratitude and love and the promise of forever. When Sirius pulled away, his eyes were still shining, but there was new fervor there, a look of life that Remus had not seen reflected in those silver orbs for a long time.

“I love you so much,” Sirius said. And he smiled genuinely for the first time in months.

Remus smiled back. “I love you, too.”

“Come on,” Sirius said, standing up and offering his hand. “Let’s head back in.”

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

I Pity the Grave That Tries to Keep Me From You

Bull Randleman x Reader One-shot

Summary: it’s just fluffy angst about Bull coming back from Market Garden bc I’m a soft squishy sad little tall person who is dealing with some major feels

Warnings: shitty writing (mostly cuz I don’t feel like editing WHOOPSIE), angst, fluff, rushed ending, bleh, idk man it is what it is....

Ya’ll know I listened to Hozier’s Work Song for part of this, I didn’t even try to be subtle about it.

~

~

~

You don’t react when Hoobler tells you about Bull.  

Martin can’t look at you, but you hug him just the same.

I’m sorry he’d blurted after he returned your embrace, voice breaking painfully. I’m so fucking sorry.

But you’d just shook your head from side to side and given him the closest thing to a reassuring smile you could muster.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

You weren’t sure how many times you’d said those three sentences since D-Day, but it was the only thing you could think of to say to your broken friends telling you through tearful apologies the names of the soldiers you all had loved and lost. As if it was their fault... as if they’d failed in keeping them safe for you.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

Martin had let out one quiet sob against your neck before stepping back and turning and leaving. Everyone let him go. 

You understood- everyone grieved differently. Your grief had to wait a bit longer- you still had things to do.

No one made to stop you when you excused yourself, Webster having the presence of mind to give you a nod when you mumbled something about checking in with Nixon.

You and Bull had always known the risk of one or both of you dying- hell, you’d even discussed the likelihood of one of you dying in front of the other. You’d mentally prepared yourself as much as you could for that inevitability.

Missing, though? Missing wasn’t sitting well with you.

Becoming an intelligence officer hadn’t been a career path you’d stumbled across by mistake- you liked information, found comfort in details and strategy. 

You hated being blindsided, and since you’d been small you’d gone to great lengths to ensure you never entered a situation without being fully aware of any and all potential outcomes that could occur. 

Surprises aren’t always good, my darling. Remember that. 

Your mother’s words had echoed in your head the first time you’d met Bull, when he’d caught you off guard by introducing himself to you in the same manner he had introduced himself to all of the other men in Easy- with solid eye contact, a firm handshake, and a gentle drawl of “Randleman, nice to meet you.” 

The idea that you wouldn’t hear his voice again, in either friendly introduction or intimate devotion, made you feel achingly hollow.

“If you think something as silly as a grave can keep me from coming home to you, you got another thing coming, Little Lady”. 

“That sounds like you’re saying you’re going to haunt me, Den—”

“You should be so lucky….plus, I’d make it fun, so don’t even worry about it.”

You start to walk in earnest towards the officer’s area now, biting the insides of your cheeks in an effort not to cry. 

You had to keep going. 

You’d promised him you would, just as you’d made him promise in kind.

When you finally found Nixon, you instantly frowned at the bruise blossoming on his forehead.

“What happened to you?” you ask, ignoring the man’s glare and walking over to get a closer look. “Looks like you tangoed with Joe Toye’s brass knuckles and lost.”

“Got shot in the helmet.” Nix grumbles at the same time Richard perks up and squints at you while asking “Toye’s got brass knuckles?”.

You wince, both in response to Nix’s injury and your accidental snitching on Joe. “Whoops.”

Lewis’s eyes catch yours and his brow softens. 

You instantly know what he’s about to bring up, and shake your head preemptively.

“Lew,” you begin with a heavy sigh, only to be shushed like a child before he spoke over you.

“They don’t know anything for sure yet.” he insisted, and you knew that he knew you saw through his bullshit. 

He sometimes tried to be less pessimistic when he knew you were already way ahead of him in that department, but the two of you knew each other well enough by now for you to see it for what it was- him trying to make you feel better, coddling you to make you feel better.

Lying to make you feel better.

Information is truth, everything else is probably a lie.

Your mother was a bitter cynic, but you’d also never once known her to have her heart broken.

Maybe she’d been on to something.

“Yeah,” you’d offered, quickly brushing past him to look at the map on the table. “Maybe. Anyway, when exactly did Market Garden start going to shit? Do you think we were undermanned? Were our maps wrong? Did they have unexpected weaponry….?”

Distract the sad voice in your head offered as you threw yourself into work, using the churning pain in your belly to fuel your motivation to reclaim the town. 

No one gets to hurt you and get away with it. No one gets to take Bull from you and remain unpunished.

You decided then and there that you were going to make the SS bleed for what they’d done, and you knew that if Bull were there he’d tell you to rein it in.

Got murder in your eyes, darling. What’s got you so cross?

But Bull wasn’t here. And you? You had to get over it.

It’s what he would want.

~

~

You had barely slept that night, throwing yourself into rereading all of the intelligence reports until Dick finally ordered you out of the CP tent.

At first you’d fought him on it, still too afraid of being let alone with your own thoughts. But he’d been firm, literally snatching the paperwork from your trembling hands and hovering over you until you relented.

“I don’t want to see you until morning, is that understood?”

With more patience than you deserved he’d held your coat up and helped you slip into it, making a point to pull your knit hat down over your ears before turning you in the direction of where all the soldiers were sleeping.

Even though Bull had promised to be the one to haunt you, it was you who felt like the ghost.

But, like the obedient soldier you were, you walked to the spot where you and Bull had set up camp with Perconte and Luz. Neither man happened to be there at that moment, which was a small blessing because when you saw Bull’s unattended duffel bag in the same spot he’d left it that morning you’d been unable to stop the sob that slipped past your lips.

Like a child, you’d curled around his rucksack and held it close, your fingers tracing over the airborne patches that denoted it as his. 

Had it truly been this morning that you’d woken up in his embrace, groaning in sleepy protest when he refused to let you out of his arms?

“Jus’ a bit longer,” he’d mumbled, bringing a leg up and over your hip to pin you beside him. “Let the boys start fightin’ without us, we’ll catch up later…”

You wish that had been possible. You wished it could have been that simple.

 ~

~

Tears had leaked out of your eyes as you squeezed them shut and the next time you opened them it was morning. At some point in the night either George or Frank had tossed a wool blanket over you.

For a few glorious moments, you had thought Bull’s furnace-like chest had been what was keeping you warm. The blanket was a kindness, but an unintentionally cruel one.

After rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you’d gotten yourself ready and packed up to head out.

Bull’s duffle bag seemed to be filled with bricks as you hefted it over your shoulder with your own, and with each stride you took it only became heavier. You knew the protocol- take the deceased’s belongings to CP for redistribution and personal effects collection. 

It felt like defeat, as if you were giving up on him.

Defeat and reality were seeming to become one and the same, these days.

Your throat was so tight by the time you made it to CP you were barely able to explain what you were doing to Lewis, your arm trembling as you held out the pack to him.

The moment Nix had taken it from your hands, tears began to spill from your eyes and for once you did nothing to stop them.

Nixon had been about to say something to you when Perconte rushed in breathlessly with a call of your name, almost forgetting to salute Lewis when he saw him.

“Oh! Sir. Uh, Y/N- there’s, um,  something you should see—”

You glared at him, trying and failing to hide the fact that you’d been crying from your friend.

“I’m in the middle of something, Perco. Can it wait?”

In the distance you could hear the sound of truck engines, and a new anxiety began to blossom in your chest at the idea of leaving Bull behind.

“But, Y/N…” he protested, clearly tongue-tied and overexcited.

“Oh my God, what?!”

“It’s Bull!”

Your blood froze in your veins, sucking in a breath that felt too big for your body.

You could feel your heartbeat behind your eyes as your lungs screamed for more air, but your body was refusing to blink or breathe or move…..

“That’s….no. W-what’re you—?”

The sight of a truck driving toward a group of Easy and Dog soldiers came to a halt, and you swore you say a familiar glimmer of sandy curls standing at least a foot above the group.

 No. There’s no fucking way….

With wide eyes you turn back to Lewis, seeing an equally confused look on his face. 

You barely wait for his nod of dismissal before looking to Frank again.

“C’mon, I’ll—”

You don’t wait for him to finish, sprinting away from them with a single-minded focus on reaching the horribly familiar silhouette of the man you[d begun to mourn.

Bull Bull Bull BULL DENVER BULL!?!?

With no care for decorum or professionalism, you shove people aside and rush through the throng until you violently skid to a halt before Johnny and Hoob.

And Dever fucking Randleman.

A silent sob twists your face, vision doubling as more tears well in your eyes.

It was him. It was him.

When your eyes find his, you force yourself to take a breath.

He’s dirty and scraped and a little bloody but he’s alive and he’s here and—

You throw yourself at him, arms latching around his neck and legs locking around his hips as he catches you easily in his arms.

“Oh my God,” you whisper shakily, shaking like a leaf and clutching at him as if he were the last lifeboat in a storming sea. “Oh my GOD, Den—!”

Bull’s got one arm across your backside and the other is pressing your torso to his as if he means to fuse the two of you together, his heartbeat loud and strong and powerful against your chest as he twists his cold face into your neck and just breathes you in.

You know that Martin is trying to talk to you, that someone else is telling you to take it easy but you can barely hear them through the roaring sound of life returning to your body.

When he sighs your name you swear that you’ve never heard a sound so sweet.

As you turn your head to press a kiss to his temple, you open your eyes and blink your tears away.

Of course, once you clear your eyes, you see the mess of blood staining his shoulder.

“Jesus Christ!” you gasp, untangling yourself from him in an instant and trying to get out of his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt, you idiot?!”

Bull allows you to unwrap your legs from his waist but refuses to let you go, the arm that had been under your bottom coming up to hold the back of your head lovingly.

A pained yet playful grin breaks across his lips as he eyes you. “Oh, am I?”

You smile stupidly, sniffling at his ridiculous attempt at nonchalance. 

Using his hold on the back of your neck he ducks down and presses a long, meaningful kiss to your lips. You sigh into it, and just as you cup his face in your hands someone clears their throat and you’re reminded that the two of you have an audience.

When you break apart he makes sure to wrap his good arm around your shoulders, and you wince when you catch the looks of surprise being sent your way by the replacements.

Whoops, that was certainly unprofessional….

Bill Guarnere barks a laugh as you shift uncomfortably, slinging his own bag back over his shoulder.

“Shit, if that’s the hello you give to someone who’s been MIA- I’m definitely getting lost more often!”

Martin rolls his eyes, and enough people laugh that some of the tension is broken. 

You turn back to Bull and try to get him to let him show you his shoulder. But Bull has never been an easy man to physically move, especially when moving is something he doesn’t want to do.

This time is no exception.

“Let me see it,” you huff, only to have him smirk and shake his head. “Denver, I could’ve made it worse, I need to make sure—”

“Nah,” he says with a shrug he immediately regrets doing. “How about you kiss it better after Roe gets a look at it, hmm?”

As you open your mouth to reply there is a cry from above that it’s time to get moving, the reminder that there are more pressing matters to attend to shaking you from your anxious worrying.

Because it’s Bull, he hollers for his men to get on the truck as if he had been with them the whole time. 

“I need to go get your stuff, our stuff from CP….”

Bull shakes his head before you’ve finished talking.

“Perco’s got it,” he says with a nod in the man’s direction. “Don’tcha buddy.”

Without waiting for a reply, Bull pulls you along with him towards the trucks, refusing to let you leave his side despite your insistence that Roe needed to take care of him.

Getting into the truck, you help unbutton his shirt so Doc can start cleaning the ragged wound on his shoulder.

Bull brings your knuckles to his lips as the truck begins to move, eyes never leaving your face as he answers Gene’s rapid-fire questions about what had happened in the time Bull had been separated from the group.

“...you lost some blood, how’d you manage not to pass out?”

With a wink in your direction Bull chuckles.

“Considered it, Doc. But then I remembered my missus here was waitn’ and thought better of it.”

You shake your head admonishingly at his explanation.

“You’re really something else, you know that Bull?”

In a move that surprised both you and the Doc, Bull used his grip on your hand to pull you so you were straddling his lap.

“Course I do, Little Lady. I’m yours.”

Well, goddamn.

“Damn right, now shut up and stop flirting.”

The smile he gave you only widened at the command.

“We’ll see, darlin’. We’ll see.”

~ ~ ~ (is it trash? Yes. But is it garbage? Also yes. Love you all and thanks for reading the feels)

taglist: @mrseasycompany​ @itswormtrain​ @mrsalwayswrite​ @happyveday​ @sunsetmando​

[secretly-tword-obsessed]

Aaron Bu...Oh boy

Hello lovelies! This is the first part of my ‘Alternate ending to Hamilton songs’ series. Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Hamilton

Ship: Hamburr

The guy was cuter than he’d expected. Okay, that might be a bit of an understatement. The guy was more devilishly handsome and adorable than he’d expected. There, thats a better description. 

The guy was shorter than Alexander, and had a little round face with large eyes and lips. He wore a simple outfit; a dark purple coat, a white shirt and high-risen pants. And he was muttering something under his breath, just standing there motionless, as if waiting for something. Alexander was not too familiar with such a stance, he never waited, not for a thing. He was far too active and productive to wait. I mean, what was the point? Why wait when he could act?

He approached the man, first checking that he had the right guy.

“Pardon me-”

The man turned around with an intrigued look on his face. Alexander’s heart beat sped up, and he felt his palms getting sweaty. He had never seen a cuter man in his life.

“Are you Aaron Burr, sir?”

Burr chuckled: “That depends, who’s asking?”

Ah, so he had a sense of humour to. And the most cheeky adorable gorgeous smile imaginable. Great.

“Oh sure sir, I’m Alexander Hamilton, I’m at your service sir. I have been looking for you”.

Crap, perhaps that last comment sounded creepy. Jeez, it was hard enough for him to have discussions like this in the first place, but the fact that the man was cute made it ten times harder.

But Burr just kept smiling. Oh, that smile. “I’m getting nervous”.

“Sir!”, Alexander interrupted, “I heard your name at Princeton, I was seeking an accelerated course of-”

“Sorry, what was that? Please slow down”, Burr said, a trace of nerves in his eyes too.

Slow, how slow? Slow-motion snail-slow? If he made that joke, would Burr laugh? Well, here goes...

“I heaaaaarrrdd yooooouuurrr naaaaaammmmeee”

Burr chuckled. Again. That chuckle. 

“Haha, very funny”

“Your not easily amused I see”, Alexander joked.

“I am amused, but only mildly”, Burr stated, “Continue”.

“Well, uh, I, uh, heard your name at Princeton”

“Are you okay?”, Burr asked tentatively, stepping closer to Alexander. He could see all of Burr’s features more clearly now, like his scruffy eyebrows, and he felt like he could melt. Was the sweat running down his forehead showing?

“Yeah”, Alex responded, “I’m fine, your just a bit hot. Crap! I mean, it’s just a bit hot”.

Kiss. 

Peck. Smooch. Emotion-backed. Right in the centre of Alexander’s cheek.

Burr’s lips may have been big, but they were delicate against his rough skin.

Burr smiled brightly as he departed, “I think your hot to, Hamilton”.

Alexander blushed, if he wasn’t blushing before, he was now, “What was that for?”

“I’m very good at reading social cues”, Burr said with a shrug, “I knew you had a crush on me from the moment you looked at me. In fact, I think anyone would’ve known”.

Alexander shook his head, how? 

Burr could see the man’s confusion, and found it quite cute. The man was quite cute in general. He had a soothing voice and a shaky posture, and the most beautiful eyes Burr had ever seen.

Alexander kissed his lips, and he returned the kiss. The sun shone bright in the sky. Both Burr and Alex believed in miracles at this point.

When they departed from their second intimate action, Burr let Alexander know everything in his mind. Alex responded with everything in his mind. They stared at each other for a few seconds.

“Do you, uh, consider this a long term relationship?”, Alexander asked.  

“I sure hope so Hamilton!”, Burr remarked, “I wouldn’t have kissed you unless I saw definite potential!”

“You-you can call me Alex”, Alexander stuttered, wondering how on Earth Burr was keeping so calm in this situation.

Burr tilted his head a bit, “How about Hammy?”.

Alexander chuckled, “Sure”.

”Okay than, Hammy”, Burr said, leaning forward to lightly kiss Hammy’s neck.

Hamilton giggled and jumped back, “Be careful Burr! I’m ti-”

He stoped when he saw the spark in Burr’s eyes.

“Your what, Hammy?”, Burr asked inquisitively, his eyes glistening.

Hamilton shook his head, “Uh, nothing”.

Burr smiled, “Did you know, Hammy, that I have a catch phrase?”.

Hamilton raised his brows, wondering where Burr was going with this. “Um, no. What is it?”.

Burr took a step closer to Ham, “Talk less”

Hamilton tilted his head in confusion, “Okay?”

Burr smiled brighter and got up on his tiptoes, and whispered faintly in Hamilton’s ear: “Smile more”.

With that, he dug his fingers into Hamilton’s side. Hamilton burst out laughing, the biggest smile on his face.

“Wow!”, Burr said, “You were right, you ARE ticklish. But no, not just ticklish. I’d say, very ticklish”.

Hamilton somehow managed to squirm out of Burr’s grip, “Not fuhunny!”

Burr just grinned smugly at him, “I’ll give you ten seconds to run”

Ten seconds? That was far too generous. There would be no way Burr would catch up if Hamilton even had a five second head start, but ten seconds, jeez! Wondering what on Earth the adorable munchkin was planning, he ran.

Somehow, a civilised greeting had turned into this. A game of chase. Although, Hamilton definitely didn’t mind. He felt careless and free as he ran, wind gushing though his hair. 

And after about fifteen seconds of running, he felt an unfamiliar long arm wrap around his torso. The arm tackled him gently onto the grassy ground. When he looked up, a freckled boy with bushy hair, who looked about his age, was staring down at him. 

“John Laurens”, he said with a grin, “Pleasure to meet you”.

“Wha-?”

He saw three other men run behind him. One had a muscly figure and a strong expression, one was skinny and had curly hair tied up in a bun, and the third was Aaron Burr.

“Maquis de’Lafayette”, the skinny man said in a thick French accent, “But just call me Lafayette”

“I’m Herc”, said the muscly one, “We’re all friends of Burr’s”.

“So”, Laurens said, turning to Burr, “Why have we tackled him anyway?”

Burr smirked, “Oh, I think he knows”. Burr crouched down beside Hamilton, the cheekiest look on his face. “Hammy, why do you think Iv’e ordered these men to tackle you, huh?”

Hamilton gulped, and his cheeks went pink, “I, uh, I don’t know Burr”

“You honestly have no idea?” Burr asked in a slightly teasing tone.

“Nup”, Hamilton confirmed, “No idea”.

Burr grinned, “Liar”. 

He dug his finger into Hamilton’s ribs. Hamilton instantly tossed his head back, and began laughing.

Mulligan, realising what was going on, leaned down to pin Hamilton’s arms above his head. The other two men just watched in amusement and delight.

“No-Heheheheherc!”, Hamilton cried, attempting to kick his legs out but failing as Herc held them down.

Burr wiggled his fingers under Hamilton’s arms. His laughter ticked up a pitch, “Nohohoho!”

“Your so cute Hammy”, Burr teased, seeing how flustered it made his new boyfriend, “Uh tickle tickle tickle. Uh tickle tickle tickle”

Hamilton was so red with flusteredness and laughter, but Burr knew that the man was fine. In fact....

“You know what I think, Hammy?”, Burr asked as he went down to squeeze Hamilton’s knee.

“Ohohoh shihihiht nohohot thahahaht!”

Burr gasped and put a hand to his heart, “Language!” He squeezed tighter and spidered his right hand fingers around the upper leg. Hamilton lost it, an ear to ear grin plastered on his face.

“Well, as I said earlier, I am very good at picking up small social details”, Burr stated, as if there wasn’t a squirmy, giggly mess below him, “And I have noticed that you, Hamilton, correct me if I’m wrong, are actually enjoying this”.

If Hamilton wasn’t red before, he certainly was now. And Burr’s words only heightened the ticklish feeling.

“Nohohoho I dohohohn’t!”

Burr lifted his hands up, looking down and observing the mess below him. He gestured for Herc to get up, and he leaned down to plant a light kiss on Hamilton’s forehead.

“Oh, don’t be so sappy Burr!”, Laurens whined with a chuckle, “Hamilton, if you want to get him back, his worst spot is his neck”.

Burr swung his head around instantly, “What?! Laurens, why you little-”

Burr was interrupted by his own short giggle as Hamilton leaned up and lightly tickled his neck. Burr looked down at Hamilton in horror.

“Oh my dog Burr, that was so cute!”, he stated with the biggest shine in his eyes.

Burr jumped off Hamilton instantly, making a run for it. Hamilton stood up and laughed with the other three.

“Perhaps this would be a better time for me to get further aquatinted with you”, Hamilton said. Lafayette just chuckled, “I’m from France, happy now?” “No time!” Laurens cried, “Burr is getting away!” And with that, the four men set out on there first adventure together, there common goal: finding Burr and tickling him to pieces.

[whattodowithkpop]

Saving Grace (Chapter 2)  [S. Coups]

Title: Saving Grace

Pairing: Seungcheol (S. Coups) x Reader 

Genre: Angst, Spice, Fluff

Word Count: 12.3K Words [All Chapters]

Writer: Kpopmadness

Summary: Reader is an Empress with tragic backstory and Seungcheol plans an alliance with her.

*****

CHAPTER 2;

"Look at how clever you are, my prince."   The Empress whispered. Her face only an inch from his.

Seungcheol, however, didn't miss the burning look of defeat and shock behind her gray eyes. Her eyes reminded him of a storm. How the sea turns restless and the waves look black from the dark clouds above it. The very clouds that warn and scream of the rain that is to come. The desire to unleash their fury that has been building up for far to long.

Noticing him staring, the Empress let a smirk cross her lips before giving a wave of her hand, dismissing the guards and young women posing as her decoys. Seungcheol watched the crowd leave before turning his eyes back to the Empress. 

"Follow me." The Empress said quietly as she turned on her heel. Her black cape flowing gently behind her. Her dark hair creating a curtain that hid her face once again. 

Seungcheol followed wordlessly behind her. The palace was not as grand as he imagined it to be. But it was still a palace none the less. The hallway they went down had many rooms, but they continued passing them one by one. Seungcheol watched the Empresses as she walked. She walked with a certain graceful authority that he couldn't seem to take his eyes off of.  With her shoulders kept back and her head high, as if she was afraid of nothing. 

They stepped into a room at the end of the hall, the doors creaked open and revealed a long heavy table at the center of the room with a large fireplace behind it. Beside the fire, laid two large dogs. Who, upon closer inspection, Seungcheol identified as Dobermanns. 

"They don't bite." Empress said placing her cloak on a nearby chair. Turning to Seungcheol, a smirk on her lips she added. "That is, they don't bite, usually." 

Seungcheol gave her a concerned look and continued to watch the two dogs cautiously. Who watched him back, their black eyes meeting his. Seungcheol did not want to admit it, but they intimated him.

"Zeus, Sasha, come." The Empress commanded as she sat down in a large chair beside the hearth. The two dogs obeyed and went to sit on either side of their master. Their backs straight and their large pointed ears erect. But their eyes never left the newcomer.  

"Aren't you going to sit down Prince?" The Empress asked, her eyes watching him carefully. 

Seungcheol closed the distance and sat in the chair in front of her. Now that he was in front of her, he could see the details he hadn't noticed moments ago. How her long dark hair fell in waves over her shoulders. But it did not fully hide the long, deep scar that cut from her collarbone, up her neck, and to the bottom edge of her eye. How the firelight danced in her gray eyes and cast its shadows across her face. The armor stretched across her torso and chest showed the curves in her body. But with her cape now gone, Seungcheol did not miss the sword strapped to her belt and the dagger that was tied securely to her thigh. 

“So tell me, my prince. What kind of alliance would our marriage be? To join our armies to fight our enemies, or maybe to build our two kingdoms up for the greater good." 

Seungcheol scoffed and ran a hand through his hair and kept his eyes on the fire as he answered, "I'm not here for that kind of alliance, Empress"

The Empress raised an eyebrow at him but only said, "If that isn't what you want, then what do you want?"

Seungcheol let a sigh escape his lips as he sat back in the chair and rubbed his eyes. The entire way here he had thought through this plan he had. From the moment his father commanded him to come here the wheels in his brain began to turn, and his plan began to unfold. When he was a child his father always said he had a gift for planning, but mostly for being able to deceive and being a strategist. But his father never would have guessed he would use his talent for what was about to leave his mouth. 

"I want you to help me overturn my fathers kingship." Seungcheol said. Once the words left his mouth they hung in the air like ice. Seungcheol saw the Empress freeze for a moment, her gray eyes cutting into him. 

Seungcheol was surprised when she rose suddenly from her chair and began pacing the room. Making the dogs beside her chair stand and watch her carefully.  "Why would you want to do that? And why come to me?"

Seungcheol was silent for a moment trying to find the right words, but eventually he said. "Because my father is a corrupt man. He lets his people suffer and die everyday while he sits in luxury. And you and I are very much alike."

The Empress scoffed at that but didn't answer. Carefully, she removed the dagger from its place and began examining it thoughtfully as if she had never seen it until now.  Seungcheol continued to watch her. He didn't really expect her to marry him. But he needed help from other kingdoms in order to overthrow his fathers kingship.  

"So let me get this straight;" The Empress says, bringing herself to face him as she places her hands on either side of him on the chairs armrests. Seungcheol leans back into the chair as she leans forward, feeling her breath run down his neck and send chills up his spine. 

"You want me to help you overthrow your fathers kingship, when i have only just met you. Do you know how many people have walked through my palace doors thinking they own me? That think they can win me over with a wink and a smile? And then you show up today and play my little game and somehow manage to win, even though no one else has. And you expect me to throw myself at your feet and help you. Why?"

Seungcheol met her eyes, anger twisting behind them. Then he leaned forward slightly in his chair until their noses bumped together lightly. He half expected her to pull away and be like any other girl and blush  furiously. But instead she met his gaze coolly and stood her ground. 

"Because you need my help." Seungcheol whispered, his voice low and deep. 

"And why would i need your help, my prince?" The Empress whispered back, still holding hs gaze.

Seungcheol hesitated for a moment, wondering if he dared to say what he was thinking. But no matter how many times he ran it over in his head, this was the only way to get her to help him. To interest her. 

"Because my father is the man that sentenced your entire family to death." He said. He watched as her eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat. She quickly backed away from him.

"What did you just say?" She whispered, her voice shaking. He saw her hands go into fists at her sides. They were shaking too. 

"Empress, i need you to listen to me." Seungcheol began, placing his elbows on his knees as he sat up straight. 

She met his eyes, but he could clearly see the fire burning from within them. Talking quickly, he pushed, "My father owns the largest kingdom in Korea. Army and all, he's well stocked. His men are the best there are. You saw what they can do to people. And you know the brutality they are capable of. Just like what happened with your youngest sister."

The Empress felt the muscles in her neck twitch and her shoulders tense. She had tried, oh how she had tried. To block the screams of her youngest sister, who then was only five years old, from her head. 

"You can't... you can't possibly know about that. How do you know so much about my past?"

Seungcheol held her gaze a moment before simply saying, "It's not important how i know this information. But it is important that you listen to me and that we work together on this, Empress."

The Empress only shook her head in response. Anger clouding her judgement. Spots of white flashed in front of her eyes and she felt her nails dig into her palms. Quickly, she spun around and drove her dagger into the thick table. 

"Get out..." She whispered. Her hands placed on the table, they both shook as she tried to steady herself. 

Seungchoel looked up at her, a puzzled look crossing his face. "Empress, please. Listen to me. My father is planning a wedding dinner for us in a few nights. Show your face that night and you will hold power over my father. He thinks your legacy is a fake. He thinks you're dead. I was sent here to prove to him that he was right. Prove him wrong. Please. " Seungcheol pleaded. 

"I. said. get. out." The Empress said again, her voice low as she turned toward him and pulled her dagger out from where it was stuck in the table. 

Seungcheol quickly stood and took a step back, alarmed. The fire dances inside the daggers sharp blade.  It reflects the fire making it look like the blade was made of fire itself. 

Suddenly, Seungcheol's attitude changes. Despite the blade held to his chest he felt irritation rise in his chest. He narrows his dark eyes at her, "Oh, so now you're going to drive me out?" He spat,  "And then what, Empress? Hide away like you've been doing for years. Your very name and face a ghost to your own people." 

The Empress let out a scoff but then it changed to a burning smirk as she made a motion with her hand. Zeus and Sasha quickly stood up and stood in front of her growling. Seungcheol took another step back. Alarmed by the Dobermanns sharp fangs. 

"Get out, Seungcheol." The Empress repeated. Her eyes not meeting his. "And don't you dare show yourself here again." 

Quickly, she spun on her heel and stormed to the door. She had just swung it open when Seungcheol called after her. 

"You really are a coward. Afraid to even show your own face or face your enemies." 

He saw the Empresses shoulders tense but she didn't respond. Only the sound of the door slamming behind her answered him. 

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

MASTERLIST

[abloomingperiod]

baekhyun as a bf

it wasn’t supposed to be this big tbh

you can tell by the fucker’s face, he is annoying af

k seriously tho

even though byun is all smiles and pranks he definitely seems like a serious person on the personal side

constantly asking himself if it’s the right thing to do putting u in such a historically brutal position such as dating an idol

you having to reassure him way too often that it was your decision to make, not his

“sweetie i’m here because i want to stop going off” “cool but like are you su-” “dude i swEAR TO GOD”

it’s not something he likes thinking it just happens okay he’s worried b patient to the babee

since his last relationship didn’t end up very well, he would probably take mONTHS to actually claim you as his girlfriend

seriously tho i fume just thinking about that time

it happened on a friday night when he was playing on the pc, chanyeol was calling and babyboi was like “srry cant talk rn exchanging breaths with my girl”

you were scrunching your nose for a sec but them you realized what he said and were like !!!!

him enjoying the fact his words got you so flustered and playing it cool like chill out dude as if you didn’t know we were dating by now

????????? in fact ou were so surprised bcs u didn’t even know the boys knew abt ur existence

“like... they KNOW??????”

“of cOURSE they know junmyeon would kick my ass if i didn’t explain to him why i missed our dinner last night”

you guys are so comfortable with the fact your relationship ain’t official you decided at the same night thisbis how you prefered to stay like

he’s not okay with going public after what happened in the past and you agree and support his desire to keep it private

i could write a whole essay dissing saesangs

that doesn’t mean he won’t hang out with you

after all, you’ve been friends for ages now

and the boys know abt u

chanyeol keeps biting byun’s butt but you’re okay with that

was there any other option? ofc not

talking about ass

he’s one

honestly such a tease

always finding a way to make u flustered

“babe look at me” “what” “i love you” “god i love you too” “and your ass looks amazing today” “leave me alone”

always slaps your butt

doesn’t matter the context

sexual or not

he loves him some butt

lol dates

like literally you sit there and spend the night playing and eating together

every lol date is a different dish ordered

since you gotta keep it low profile

might as well do it right

he’s an observer

constantly stops what he’s doing to admire you

sometimes you’re like watching a movie or idk brushing ur teeth

he stands there in the door frame all dumbfounded burning loveholes into your skull

you’re like ...stop it

he’s like . no

he’s so emotional i’m not even exaggerating

keeps joking around when he’s around people and everybody seems to think he’s a dork who just can’t stop talking nonsense

(which he is)

but when you guys are alone

oh boy

he’s so sensible

literally writes on post-its and places it around your apartment before he leaves for practice on mornings

not all of them are cute tho

once your friend was like “hey y/n idcwho’s dicking you down but i think the person got the feels”

you completely forgot to take off the “your taste already left my mouth. dinner tonight at 8 and i’ll be eating twice” post-it

like

he literally put it in your refrigerator’s door

you legit wanted to die

but then on other days it’s like

“i promised, throughout my whole life, this heart belongs to you.”

honestly so intense

when you guys argue it’s like a conquest to see who can act more like a spoiled kid

but basically go off with your frustrations and then one of u ends up cooling off in the shower

later either you or him get in there too asking if the other is feeling better

tbh not that often do u guys fight

most of the times is like

“okay,,, this is unnecessary” “yeah screw it”

but sometimes it gets really heated

and you’re both frustrated

straightforward speaking, you guys have sex

very

rough

sex

he’s a switch k let’s be real

loves making you beg

loves begging for you

not the type to degrade or hurt you or anything

like he’s a light dom

and by that i mean he will pound in you rough and slow until you’re begging him to let you cum but keeps kissing your flushed cheeks and tightly intertwining your hands as he lovingly whispers “you fucking love those type of fights don’t you”

loves LOVES being blindfolded

lowkey a freak but moderately

absolutely loves it when he ties you up and makes you say exactly what you want

will always stuck two or three fingers in so you have a hard time speaking

as i was saying, the absolute worst

“baekhyun... please-“ “fucking say it” “please... baby... fuck me” “hard nut”

is shamelessly vocal

groans

whimpers

desperate moans

aftercare baekhyun is a look

his hair all disheveled, dazed eyes and flushed lips

yk that look from the city lights photoshoot with his glossy skin and damp hair

yeah

he loves you so much and seeing you all blissed out after sex makes him, curiously, very very soft

everything you guys said during the argument is quickly forgotten as you exchange a few sorry’s and deep kisses in between

loves feeling your skin against his as he embraces your shoulders hugging you to his chest

you leave pecks on the scratchings your nails did on his skin and he just lays there all fucked out and smiles like 💕💞💓💘💘💖💗💞💓💗💕💝💘💖💕💞💓💗💗💞💖💘💞💘💖

and he’s horny again

it’s not like he’s a teenager he just absolutely loves being this intimate to you

and then you have a bath together bcs sticky

loves making coffee like at 6am to you so he can wake you up and have breakfast together

the type to wake you in this worst way possible

he rips the sheets off of you

regardless of how cold it is at that hour

and jumps over

“wake up egg”

as you guys head to the kitchen he sits you on his lap and feeds you :(

his arms around your waist and keeps leaving tiny pecks on your cheeks as he rests his cheek on your back and heavily sighs

“ya your breath stinks”

“you stink dummy”

sings ballads out of the blue

you’re like reading or smth

and he’s like

appado gWAENCHANHA

“shut it or i’ll rip off your chords with my bare hands”

“i dare you”

you actually made out after you chased him around the couch

so annoyingly dense

like you were taking your clothes off

his lips on your neck

and then he’s like

“btw my mother wants to meet you”

you literally froze

bra slipping off your shoulders

“????? you mother kNOWS?????”

“ofc she knows she’s my mother wtf”

“!!!!!!!!!BAEKHYUN”

doesn’t understand the concept of Time And Place

once you were on the bathtub massaging his feet after hours of practice and he was like yo ever thought about kids

i ran out of reactions so basically you cursed at him for five minutes

he was like 🥺🥺 just saying srry

it took you more five to explain to him it wasn’t that you hated kids you just thought it was something to talk about on another time

like

five years another time

maybe ten

he was like k we can have a dog

and now you have a dog together along with mongryong

a cutie called jinx

don’t ask

fucking nerd

you were like

she’s new so treat her as kindly as mongryong

baekhyun is a pain in the ass but in a matter of hours he was like

i bought the same clothes for them

you rolled your eyes but silently got the heart eyes bcs cute

loves watching you dressing yourself

especially for your low profile dates

“hm no too hard to take off”

“...a monochromatic two piece with a zipper in the skirt?”

“my point exactly”

tbh he Is kinda horny

but that’s bcs he’s mad for you

loves it when you style his hair

“baekhyun can’t you stand still for like two minutes” “oh sorry”

you’re standing there, focused on the task

30 secs on it and his hands are already caressing your tummy

you’re like stop i’m bUSY

he’s like no one’s stopping you

but keeps tickling you

idk he really treasures those tiny little details in the moments you spend together

everything is important to him

doesn’t mean he’s like insanely needy of your attention

no you’re two individuals who have their own lives and schedules

he keeps it cool but yeah he’s bananas for you

sorry his words

everything is so domestic with him

and so good

he’s been through a lot throughout the years and this relationship is the calmness he needed

and he’s the fun and lightness you needed after spending so much time trying and acting like a “grownup”

baekhyun brings back the teenager in you

but in a good way

you complete each other so well sigh

cuz you’re like all responsible and shit

he loves the juxtaposition

so do you

idk it feels right

you love like teenagers but live like adults

also his words

[kyu-bri]

Magia Rapport pt 2

@magiarapport​

August 24th prompt: What was your favorite event, and why? Is it because of gameplay or the story?

It’s hard to choose so I’m gonna just, gush a bit.

As you can probably tell I’m very biased toward the OG girls, I started Magia Record primarily because PMMM had become my new obsession and I wanted some sort of constant flow of content out of decade old anime lmao.

But another thing I think I hooked onto was Inu Curry’s writing. They really know Madoka Magica and aren’t afraid to really play with them- something the writers for a spin-off gacha game (as with most spin-off stories honestly) can be scared to do. Inu Curry made references, revealed secrets and built upon the story we already know- which lets be honest is what we always truly want from a spin-off series. Magia Record proper does this well by putting more magical girls into the world and letting us see things work out better for them than for the original cast, but what I really appreciated with this story was getting to see that old original cast get to get in on that, and these events managed to do that without watering them down any.

Under the cut is me going on for 3000 words about why I love these three events I’m so sorry. TL;DR at the very end-

I’ll go in release order,

A La Carte Valentine was one of the first if not THE first event I got in on. I was eager to bc 1 Gay Magical Girl Shit Guaranteed. And ofc 2 OG Cast participation.

I want to preface by saying I actually loved all the girls’ stories in this. I was very much still in a state of getting used to Iroha’s gang let alone trying to care about the secondary girls. I knew Tsukasa had this angsty Twins Separated At Birth Deal and liked seeing her home life (also I immediantly stanned Take. Regular well-meaning dude who has no idea whats going on just trying his best and hating his boss). I knew nothing about Ami except Cowgirl Meguca and getting the bulk of her personality in one short even I think really kept me from being absolutely sick of her, she’s just a cute silly teenage girl who could be in literally anything and I was able to just endearingly giggle at that. Hinano managed to do the heterosexual unrequited crush cliché without me groaning or missing any of her regular personality. Also was there a Ren part? I don’t remember because everything Ren does feels like a Soft Yuri Valentines Special. Also I love Momoko. Ok moving on to what I Really wanna talk about.

Madoka is genuinely my Least Cared About of the Holy Sextet. I don’t think she’s bad or even boring- Madoka has a depth to her character, like, really deep- but that’s not something ever really touched upon by the fandom. Even when people like her and make her the Heroine she’s Supposed to be, it’s usually in the context of “Girl who feels nothing but kindness and happy thoughts would cut off her right hand to feed to a hungry dog. Isn’t she so Good????”. And honestly, while I understand the point it was going to make, I wasn’t crazy about her sacrifice in the end of the series. (Team Homura “Rebellion Is Good Actually” ftw) All because I think that I’m an Adult Woman watching this like “You are 14yrs old and need to be home playing Sims and not sacrificing yourself for the greater good you stupid silly little baby girl”

So my point is here near all fan content I encounter tends to emphasize whats sort of my least favorite facet of Madoka. I don’t think she made the ‘wrong’ decision in the context she and the story were given, but it’s still a sad thing to show a depressed(!!!) insecure girl resolving to give away her very existence so that every other girl on earth has a chance to just Dream. Oh and they still usually die young. But that’s ok because then she takes them and lets them sleep peacefully forever in her Heaven Basement (Yes I am bitter stan Homura I would yank this savior complex infant girl out the sky too)

MY POINT BEING (The servers closing let me BLEED OUT ALL MY FEELINGS) This event did not do that!!! It made Madoka…….. EVERYTHING SHE SHOULD BE??? ALWAYS??? Showed her HOW WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VIEW HER??? (Read: Happy and Alive and Confident at no foreboding or sacrifice of anyone else!!!!)

She is Sassy and Surrounded By Friends and Really Funny??? And we get this Ridiculous Oh My God On Crack metaphor about her being this all-powerful apocalypse bringing being which is representing her love for the universe through her Witch form of Wanting Everyone To Be Happy And Safe With Her??? And she still risks herself to save everyone as is her Thing to do but we get to have her do it without erasing her existence as a human being at the end and if that is not some GOOD SHIT????

Ok next:

NGL Sayaka’s (fav character, inarguable best girl, can u not tell) parts in MagiReco til like the last arc have always left me a bit disappointed. She was the only late comer of the OG girls from what I understand and it kind of gives her the air of what a lot of the second(/thirdary?) girls suffer from. You can tell the writers can’t even figure out a trope to apply her to to make her easy and two dimensional to write about so they just don’t know what to do. They definitely try to make up for it (especially in the anime which Praise Be but that’s probably Inu Currys doing) but she’s still lacking like, any of the depth of her personality. Which, I guess I could anticipate. Because most of the fandom tends to as well. (again)

Gonna stop complaining and get on with- That didn’t feel as much the case in her Valentine event. Sure it was still the same formula of “The Issue Is Kyosuke” but that didn’t play out as grueling as her personal story did with “Nine Episodes Of “The Issue Is Kyosuke””

There was one big glaring heart-aching detail of “Mami isn’t really there because SHES IN A FUCKING CULT RIGHT NOW” which kind of jarred the event out of the ho-hum silly valentines sidestory these events usually keep up.

Sayaka has this crisis about Doing Anything Meaningful With Kyosuke which we all know what That’s calling back to, but in this environment we get to have Kyoko come right up and be in a position with her to earnestly and affectionately Push Her To Do It. The lonely little tsundere bitch girl pushes her Not Friend to Give The Bastard The Gotdamn Chocolate Already and for a moment you can only think about What If’s and If Only’s. Sayaka’s is still the weakest of the threes stories in this event but it worked harder to show us different sides of the characters then 6 chapters of Another Story managed to do.

And then there’s fucking Homura.

I will be, eternally grateful for Kuro. As a character that becomes metaphorical for the 2D ways we initially viewed the feathers and just NPCs in games in general, and also like, giving Homura a friend she actually cares about that isn’t the tangled dark web of Bullshit she’s gotten tied up with Madoka in. Please ask me about all my AU’s where Kuro is Homuras first girlfriend.

Seeing Moemura in Magia Record has always been a bit surreal, we never really understand just what stage of Trauma this Homura is in because Multiverses Are Hell, but this event gives us a good chunk of a Homura who still has hope and faith both in the world and Madoka. Theres this wonder to her that while still bogged down by terrible experiences still has the energy to be Trying. And she sees a girl who used to be like her- which when you think about it is probably what Madoka saw in her- and she wants to help. Because Madoka helped her. And Madoka is the best thing in the universe and maybe Homura can be just a little bit closer to that.

Kuro is too far gone though, as is the reality frequently in this series, things don’t work out just because of circumstance. Kuro was a bullied, insecure little girl who realistically shouldn’t have had to become a rampaging monster because of it. We’re reminded of this being the reality of the Madoka universe. Homura, is reminded of this reality. Homura loses this one chance to bring hope into the world like Madoka brought hope into hers.

And then her story ties into the ending of Madoka’s. Madoka saves her life yet again, even as Homura continues to feel miserable and empty. But at least Madoka is with her. The girls then share a quiet, intimate Valentines together. And you sort of understand how Homura fell so far into the darkness that the only thing she was able to still care about and fight for was Madoka’s safety.

That shit slaps. It slaps you right in the heart and causes fucking bruising but then u want it to do it again because you’re masochistic and Meguca Is Suffering.

Anyway I hope Kuroe slaps our hearts more in season2

MOVING ON!!!!

~Nagisa’s Wish~

Ok, I don’t remember what got me so simp over Nagisa, I think it was the heart-aching irony that Mami adopts the witch that fucking ate her. But that is my baby now and I’d die for her. Fandom Charlotte whose pink and silly and loves her mom and is Mami’s cancer-riddled girlfriend is cool and all but she isn’t a tiny Halloweeny baby whose fucking bitter angry and manically obsessed with cheese due to PTSD.

I had saw a summary of Nagisa’s Wish reposted just to quickly explain Nagisa’s backstory, and as such immediately had to search out if that crazy ride was true- so I actually watched this whole event probably before I downloaded the game. It was surreal on its own but replaying it when it came to NA didn’t lessen it any- I got to process more of what I was witnessing and as result stanned Yu pretty hard.

I guess to explain my Emotions here, saving Yu for later- calls for me to just, describe who Nagisa is as a human being and my headcanons surrounding it all with what this event gave us. Whether you consider it canon or not it’s one version of events that we were given and that I am all for accepting.

Nagisa’s Mom was a celebrity, she could have been an actress though I also like the idea of her being an Idol. She met Nagisa’s Dad oh-so romantically and got knocked up- they very well could have been married but it doesn’t seem clear enough. He seems to have left too suddenly for legal matters like that. Nagisa is approximately 11, and while she seems to remember her Father, she doesn’t in the sense of having had a relationship with him or any feelings. Her Mother has to “explain” why he left, so Nagisa was probably still young even if not a baby. What I’m getting at here is the timeline for when Nagisa’s Mom Got Like That. Nagisa can remember her from before she was, and then says that she got sick after her Dad left. So what I’m wondering is did Daddy Momoe ruin this young rich girls life, give her syphilis and then leave her with a baby she was unfit to care for in poverty? I know half of this is running on anime logic but Holy Shit all the possible ways reasons and ideas for why things could’ve gotten This Bad.

Is it ridiculously dark and edgy that the original story we were given was “Girl wishes her dying mother could have her favorite cake but then realizes OOPSIE-DAISY I could have wished for her to Not Die instead!!!!” got turned into “11yr old hates her abusive mother so much she wants to make her suffer in the most symbolic way she can and then goes mental when she isn’t able to do it”??? Yes. But if I had the mental capacity to I have to admit I was in a position to be just as bitter at that age too. I can’t call it unrealistic. I may infact be projecting hard with how much I support and enjoy this backstory.

Anyway Nagisa was in such a state of trauma and distress at a horrifically young age when she died that it broke her mental faculties so severely that even when she came back as a literal Angel of God she had blocked it out so deeply and thoroughly she seemingly regressed to an even younger capacity and hyperfixated on the trait that she has before used to try to bond with her Mother who she had died hating.

And that also slaps u right in the heart.

A N D T H E N !

~Beachside Bonds~

Just the simple structure of this story was so enjoyable and nicely done. We finally get to see the OG girls in a context we wouldn’t be able to in literally any other scenario. They’re going on a summer vacation together and Homura is sentimentally journaling every single second of it. Is this mayhaps because she’s never gotten to be this happy and blissful with these girls she loves so much??? Of course this is are you not paying attention what the fuck. Homura is so optimistic and healed and hopeful she’s acting like what she might actually be doing as a normal teenage girl. (A heartrending contrast to the end of her Valentines Special)

We get nothing short of pure fluffy Slice Of Life shenanigans on the beach which even includes a bunch of the Kamihama girls that the OG crew knows! And they talk about it! And introduce eachother! And their friends commentate on it! Ren gets to see Kyoko Not Being A Bitch and then Sayaka teases her about having made friends and oh my god my heart is turning into cottoncandy as we speak Mom holy FUCK

Sayaka’s existence fucking matters in this story! It’s her families Hotel they’re staying at and she has relationships and memories with the creepy twins that live there and she talks like a fucking person??? And gives opinions??? That aren’t just copypasted “Justice is Good and Bad things are BAD!!!!”

Mami is fresh out of her fucking Cult Drama and she’s still trying to be cool Senpai but then she DECKS Homura in the face and gets scared by the ghost stories and then turns into pudding and waxes nostalgia at Kyoko out of nowhere IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL????????

G H O S T S ? ? ? ?

Y U ! ? ! ? ! ? !

(IS G A Y ! ! ! !)

This whole fucking backstory and truly horrifying Romeo and Juliet on Acid love and death story between Yu and her girlfriend and like if I wasn’t fascinated enough by Yu just being the creepy organ harvester before but apparently thats what she became after she literally made some sort of wish that erased all of her memories besides the nickname her sweetheart used for her and coincidentally also added to her the task of killing all Bad People?????

Yu made a wish to be able to get rid of All Bad People preserving the innocent version of herself who grew up with this girl and it was right after a failed double suicide attempt on fucking Doomed Lovers Cliff fucking Lifetime Will You Ever.

It then pairs with Homura whose PTSD gets to shine through a bit in being unable to believe any bad sort of Madoka which how could you try to force her to at this point while Also pairing Homura with Ren in the “Gay Love Saved Our Lives: Traumatized vers & Vanilla vers”

I don’t remember if there was a symbolic finale and tbh I have forgotten a lot of the details with Yu and her girlfriend Whatsherface because that shit was just so shocking and bizarre to read and much too painful to reread in a timely fashion just.

That shit hurted but it was full of so much love and hope both doomed and stolen but still was wrapped up in the comforting concept that This Is The Universe Where Homura Gets To Be Okay This Time.

She’s still scarred beyond comprehension and this ghost drama accentuated it all but at the end of the day this is still the Safe Universe where all of them are alive and the Holy Quintet are friends and they’re all going to be okay (Godoka & Aniplex willing) and so many of us love Madoka Magica because it shows girls fighting through the same pain we’ve been through and keeping their hope alive and here we get to see them actually find peace in a clunkily written fanservicey spin-off mobile gacha game and hey, that made me happy while I got to experience it. Thanks for the ideas and memories and tragic backstories and funny thirdary characters MagiReco I’m gonna take em all and Run.

Akjsladbfalkjfsbslk If you read this all without getting a migraine or blocking me ily thanks for listening!!!!!!

TL;DR

Me likey A La Carte Valentine bc it’s silly and gay and I simp Kuro

Me likey Nagisa’s Wish bc sawft baby is good and so are Tragic Edgy Backstories

Me likey Beachside Bonds bc Gay Ghosts and Our Girls Finally Get To Be Happy Peaceful(ish) Teenage Girls and that’s all I want for them ;w;

Reeses In Pieces ya’ll

1Ten 2More 3Words 4To 5Hit 6(3000 7Words 8Woo 9Boy 10Howdy

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 14: 1x28 The City on the Edge of Forever (Also I’m 32)

For my birthday, I watched an ep of Star Trek, because I can. It was very good and I enjoyed watching but now I’m starting to get some pretty bad evening anxiety, so!! I’m going to try to ignore that.

Here are some thoughts:

I love this wavy camera work. Space turbulence.

I recognize that this intro really doesn’t have anything to do with anything but it’s still really, like, sudden--weird time things are happening and the ship keeps shaking!

Sulu’s looking damn good today. (I say this in every ep with a closeup of Sulu.)

That was a real rookie mistake on McCoy’s part there, stabbing himself with the hypo. (Harlan Ellison voice lol.) (Still better than the original script.)

“They’ll never catch me!”

Sulu and Spock have been trading eye shadow secrets obviously. It’s a real shame that the AOS movies didn’t give people awesome makeup. I mean heck if you couldn’t force yourself to give men obvious makeup (the horror!) you could have at least done something cool with Token Girl Uhura.

Kirk sounds very formal today. Idk why, but his tone is just slightly different--calling Scotty “Engineer” and something about his log... Probably just me being weird or an effect of there being so many writers on this thing.

Damn, McCoy was almost as good as Spock, the way he knocked that guy out so efficiently.

I’m pretty sure this is Uhura’s first landing party. And she barely gets to do anything because this is the Kirk and Spock Show today.

“Unbelievable.” / “That’s funny.” Is it though?

Legit laughed out loud when Bones popped up from behind that rock, right after Uhura said he wasn’t there.

I don’t think Spock likes the Guardian. “Primitive science knowledge? Excuse you, Sir.”

The Guardian really is just like hand-wave-y sci fi lol. Uh it’s really old and really advanced so it can’t really explain itself, the point is, time travel!!!! I mean I don’t hate it but still.

Kirk is very quick to want to play with time. A little vacation away from his usual work. Getting to satisfy his curiosity and be his nerdy self and learn things. Can you even imagine TOS Kirk in AOS???

Love the dramatic moments: Kirk looking very suddenly when the Guardian says “Behold.” Jumping into the sand as he fails to catch McCoy.

Kirk’s biggest fantasy--a vacation that’s also exploration--turns into his greatest nightmare--loneliness.

“No star date” Can you even imagine Starfleet HQ getting this? “Whoops we just destroyed literally everything. Don’t worry, we’ve probably fixed it if you’re reading this.”

History nerd Kirk. Correctly identifying the Great Depression. If Spock thinks THIS is barbaric, what would he think about today?

“I’m going to be difficult to explain in any case.” Truly, only Kirk, and his love goggles, would choose the ONE alien in his crew to take with him on the first expedition into the past. This was completely foreseeable guys.

Spock’s like “That’s a cool car. Let me examine it now. In the middle of the street. While people yell at me.”

This ep starts out so dramatic and now all of a sudden it’s a comedy, right down to the music. (Again, a sign of how many writers had their hands in this.)

“I’m going to like this century. Simpler, easier to manage.” LOL.

“You’re a police officer. I recognize the traditional accoutrements.” Spock is having such a good time watching this.

Really relying on American racism to explain the alien, huh? “I know you don’t know what Asians look like so.... he’s Chinese.”

“I double dog dare you to put together a computer, Mr. Spock.” Effective.

Put on the hat, the hat!!!!

Starfleet’s greatest Captain couldn’t come up with a fast fake name for Spock.

Kirk looks good in this outfit. Actually the outfits in general are great.

Honestly what does Edith think of these weirdos?

Kirk hears trash talk: “Shut up. SHUT UP.” No talking badly about women in THIS house.

She should have been living in our time. I wonder if she always thought space was cool or if Kirk (and uh literal actual alien Spock) inspired her.

Spock’s eye roll at “I find her most uncommon.”

Kirk definitely did manual labor in high school.

Spock really is building a whole-ass computer.

“I’ve brought you vegetables? What else do you want??” Is this the first reference to him being a vegetarian?

And there was only one bed...

Edith’s reaction to Spock’s sass is hilarious. She’s really not confused by him at all.

When Spock’s straightforward, honest answers about why he stole the tools don’t work, Kirk steps in with the charm offensive.

“By his side, as if you’ve always been there and always will” is basically the toast at their wedding.

Favorite thing about Edith remains that she meets an actual alien and says eh, not so weird, and then looks at the Iowa Farm Boy and is like ????????? does not compute.

“Why don’t you want to talk about the war? Are you a war criminal?”

I feel like Kirk gets a weird kick out of saying he and Spock “served together.” And like it’s literally the truth? But he has this little smile like he’s getting away with a cool lie.

Only about 10 years until we get the cool alien book about love!

Spock bringing out the big guns with today’s requisite “Jim.”

Imagine meeting McCoy like this: weird-ass uniform, rambling and paranoid. Thinks he’s met a humanoid alien. Getting so upset about 20th century hospitals he starts crying and rolling on the ground. He’s so empathetic. I love him.

What a way to go, killing yourself accidentally with a future weapon you steal from a 23rd century time traveler you mistake for a drunk.

Bones is so good at not being seen. That’s straight up comedy how he just passes by behind Spock. There are really weird, random comedy elements in this.

“She was right but at the wrong time.”

Kirk’s in love with Edith... I mean he’s not lol but that IS what a romantic such as him would say.

“I’m a surgeon, not a psychiatrist,” says the man who testified as a psychiatrist at a court martial in a previous episode.

How convenient that U.S.S. is an abbreviation she’d recognize.

“I don’t believe in YOU.”

I know this isn’t actually true, but it feels like Spock literally just came out of the room to be jealous while Kirk and Edith kiss.

Spock’s lesson “do[ing] as your heart tells you to do” is wrong.

So McCoy just got over it, I guess. Kirk was all ready to manipulate time to stop the accident but all they needed to do was find him, catch him, and sedate him a while I guess.

“My young man.” So cute.

The reunion hug with McCoy is adorable. I watched it 4 times.

Yet another Kirk vacation fantasy foiled.

No final talk on the bridge... Very dramatic and sad.

This IS a really good episode but I just still can’t get behind calling it the BEST Star Trek episode. To me, it doesn’t feel enough like Star Trek to be the best. It’s a really great story, and it’s entertaining to watch, but it’s not representative. Too few of the crew--not even really that sci-fi-ish at the end of the day. Like I said, the Guardian is really generic and ill-explained, just a prop for the main story. And while that main story is obviously all about time travel and the effects of time travel, even THAT is incidental to the real point, which is the moral question: save one or save many? But it’s not even a conundrum, like in TWOK/TSFS,because there is no real choice. Obviously Kirk is going to let Edith die. To do otherwise wouldn’t just damn many more people in the 20th century to death, it would damn his crew and his ship and, in a way, himself. So it’s more like, well, inevitably, she will die, and he will let her, but it will be really sad. So the point is just this tragic, doomed love story. Which is not a bad story in any sense, but it’s not what one generally primarily associates with TOS.

I’m not sure this is making sense because I’m just working out my thoughts as I type.

I do think there’s some interesting stuff here: I think one could do a lot with what this ep does for Spock’s development, since we don’t hear too much from him but he’s pretty intimately involved in all this. And the lessons it’s teaching him about feelings and vulnerability are...not great.

Also Uhura saying “at least be happy” in the beginning ties in interestingly to the rest of the narrative--he could have chosen his happiness, in a way, at least fleetingly. Perhaps it would have been more interesting if Kirk had ever really considered letting Edith live--but then, would he be Kirk if he ever considered it, seriously, out loud? Am I being dense by thinking the narrative should have said this in so many words, when it’s obvious enough as is?

I’m also not totally sure about the... message. I’d prefer to say there isn’t one, honestly, because of the way the conundrum is set up: as a non-conundrum. Because, obviously America should have entered WWII; if ever there was a war that was worth fighting, this would be it. Hence there’s no need to really interrogate whether or not Edith’s death was right. There’s no way it was not right. There’s no complication there, allowing the story to focus on the tragedy of Kirk’s inevitable decision instead. It could have been a different story, about weighing the pros and cons. And then possibly also a story with a moral lesson attached to the decision Kirk makes: about the many versus the few, for example, or about war specifically, since obviously this is airing with Vietnam as a background.

It could also have been a story about fate. Obviously, McCoy can and does change time. But you have all 3 of them ending up at the same place/time, right near this Big Event. You have the almost-fall on the stairs, implying death is out for Edith. You have the total set of circumstances around her death: as it actually plays out, she’s only there BECAUSE of Kirk and Spock. Were they always there? Does she get killed in a slightly different circumstance in timelines without them? The way the story plays out, all of these details seem so beside the point--again, the story uses time travel but isn’t really ABOUT time travel; it uses sci fi tools but is not telling a sci fi story--so it’s not even really worth interrogating.

(Other than just now, when I did.)

I think it’s pretty obvious that a lot of people had their hands in this story: Kirk’s very IC romantic nature is first and foremost and I like seeing this part of him, but the Command part is kind of hidden; there are moments of tragedy, in the traditional sense of the word, but also other parts that feel like Tomorrow Is Yesterday in terms of the style of comedy; the sci fi stuff is really random.

None of this is really criticism, just thoughts. It’s definitely a really interesting episode.

Next is the FINAL EPISODE of S1, which is RIDICULOUS imo. I’m fairly sure Operation Annihilate was one of the first TOS episodes I saw. I have a real soft spot for it so I’m looking forward to watching.

[minhomas-tmr]

The Lies I Tell Myself - Chapter 3

Thomas couldn’t stop pacing, and with the amount of times he ran his hand through his hair, by the time Minho actually stepped into the room, he looked like a wreck.

Minho didn’t say anything at first, eyes going straight to the state of Thomas’ hair, which by this point, resembled a bird’s nest. It also made Thomas look utterly fuckable. Minho grinned, unashamed at the thought and well..he was a dick, so he made sure to bring it to Thomas’ attention.

“You look like you just had sex…”

Thomas stopped mid-stride, an action that almost tripped him over his own feet, catching onto the dresser in the nick of time. “What?” his voice sounded an octave higher than usual. Clearing his throat embarrassed, he tried again, “What are you talking about?”

“This,” Minho gestured to all of him. Thomas gave him a look of confusion so Minho walked up, and turned Thomas around to face the mirror.

Realization grew on Thomas’ face, but whatever was on his mind, overruled the embarrassment. Minho noticed right away and dropped the direction he wanted the conversation to go.

Instead, he turned Thomas toward him gently, hand staying on the guy’s lower back. “What happened. Why are you so worked up?”

“OooohmyGod! I can’t do this. She going to-she’s going to know okay? She’s my mother, Minho!! Mother!! She’s—she’s gonna take one look at me and think what a loser s-son she ended up! So pathetic that he had to go and get himself a fake boyfrie—“

“Shut up.” Minho said softly but firmly. “We’ve gone over everything, thanks to your annoyingly anal attention to detail. Seriously you didn’t need to know my cologne or what gel I use for my hair…”

Thomas started to open his mouth for an excuse? Explanation? Guilty confession?

Minho didn’t care.

“Listen. We got this. I’ve kept your clothes on the bed for tomorrow. It’s only an hour and half flight, so I suggest you sleep it off. There’s zero hassle to get the venue; the email said a taxi will be waiting for us at the airport with a sign of our names on it. We get in, we go to the hotel, and then we can do whatever the fuck we want until the welcome brunch, okay? Thomas?”

Thomas, Minho noted was distracted. Shocker. He was like a dog with a cat’s personality. Thomas was looking at the outfit on the bed like he’d never seen clothes before.

“Now what?”

“I would never wear a polo shirt…” Thomas supplied. Minho rolled his eyes,

“You do now,” he said with finality. “I want my boyfriend to look as hot as I do—“

“Conceited much?” Thomas snorted.

“I’m stating a fact.” Minho deadpanned.

“Okay fine, I’ll wear that but I’m NOT wearing your jacket! This isn’t a highschool movie...”

“Fair point,” Minho threw his Varsity jacket away from the ensemble. Digging into Thomas’ closet, he found a black blazer hidden in a corner. “There!” he threw it on the bed. “Now show me what you’re planning on packing.”

“Just my usual tees and jeans,”

Minho squinted at Thomas, trying to work out if he was being serious or not, “And the wedding? What are you wearing then?”

“This will do,” Thomas gestured to the outfit on the bed, “I don’t have anything else, to be honest.”

Minho rubbed his face tiredly. Was Thomas serious? Even if he hadn’t been to a wedding in a while, he had seen movies right? This was ridiculous.

“Okay that’s it! We’re going shopping,” Minho declared, “and wear something decent. I don’t want the attendants thinking you’re some homeless person that walked in accidentally.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad!” Thomas protested his style.

“No,” Minho shook his head and stepped out so Thomas could change, “it’s worse.”

— “I look like an idiot!” Thomas whined from inside the stall. Minho didn’t respond, scrolling down his phone.

They were at an outlet mall on the outskirts of Glade Ville because Thomas was on a scholarship and didn’t have no job, so Minho would be footing the bill, and there was no way he was blowing a three shift’s worth of earnings on one jacket.

Still, he had a part-time job at a cafe and a decent taste in fashion. Maybe not up with the times, but who needed those when you had classics?

“Minho?”

The uncertainty in his roommate’s voice, made Minho sigh heavily. “Thomas seriously it’s a button up, not a three piece tux,”

“You have one of those for me to try on, don’t you?” Thomas’ muffled voice, said sullenly.

“Fuckable, remember?” Minho said just as a store attendant walked by. She did a double take and awkwardly shuffled away, blushing furiously.

“Minho—“ Thomas cut himself off, clearly giving up on his protest and stepped out of a stall, dropping his hands on either sides of his body awkwardly. He was wearing a powder blue button up paired with navy blue slacks. “Please tell me this is the last one?”

He sounded so hopeful, it was adorable. Minho’s way of response was to gesture beside of him, where he’d collected a couple more outfits. The brunette’s shoulders dropped visibly.

“Why?”

“You have zero decent clothes for a wedding, Thom—it’s like your not even trying. And that blazer and dress pants were laughable, seriously I can’t believe you were planning on wearing that to the wedding!”

“I hardly think people will be paying any attention to what I’m wearing!” Thomas ignored the nickname and began pacing in front of Minho—his new thing apparently—fingers running repeatedly through his hair.

At first Minho said nothing but from experience, the more Thomas got lost in his head, the harder he had to work to get him out of it, so Minho used it to his advantage.

“Yes, perfect!” he stopped Thomas’ hands from spiking the hair even more, and ran his own fingers through to comb down the sides, successfully achieving that perfect tousled look. “Some gel to hold it in place…” Minho mused aloud as he reached for his phone in his pocket.

He aimed the camera app at Thomas, noting his posture, “Okay, stand back against the stall there, hands by your side. Jesus, what are you, an old lady? Back straight, chin up and...Thomas for the love of god look at me!!”

Minho took a couple pictures including one showing the full outfit, a close-up and a side profile picture, all with constant demands for Thomas to look into the camera.

Though there was one of Thomas shyly looking at the floor, eyelashes fanned out on blushing cheeks. Minho would have loved to play capturing that one as an accident, but then…how to explain the five other shy and quiet Thomas in various dressy outfits? On top of that, try as he might, Minho couldn’t stop the urge to get his hands on Thomas. There was little to no excuse why he wouldn’t let the attendant knot Thomas’ tie or straighten the jackets he tried on.  

Thomas though through everything, obediently modeled Minho’s hand picked shirts, ties, dress pants, jackets and blazers. Even the shoes. Complained quite a bit sure, but only in jest. After all they both knew no matter his opinion, Thomas was going to put it on.

While he was trying on a different colour of a same design pants, Minho browsed the store for options for the wedding day itself. That’s when he came across the bold number. A bright red three-piece suit, Minho found it in Thomas’ size and turned to the carousel for a nice greyish blue collared button-down.

Seating himself back on the bench by the stall, he waited for Thomas to come out. One cursory glance and Minho decided the outfit Thomas had on, was perfect for their occasion. The light grey checkered pants and jacket with a deep maroon dress shirt, would have any girl or guy drooling.

Utterly fuckable.

He didn’t share this however, simply held out the three-piece for Thomas, not missing that startled but resigned look.

By the time Thomas was done up, Minho had paid for the outfits he’d chosen, including a couple items for himself as well, carefully tucking the receipt away. They were going to be away for a maximum of five days and wearing each outfit once, so it fit well within the 30 day return policy.

Minho’s smirk at his genius plan slid, when the other boy stepped out, fully dressed in that hot number. Minho unconsciously licked his lips at the vision Thomas made.

“I know you know your shit, but isn’t this too much?” Thomas was the one who broke the silence, seeing as Minho was just staring at him.

“Oh it wasn’t a contender,” Minho shrugged with an easy smile, as he walked towards him, “just wanted to see you in it.”

Thomas should have been upset. He should have been irritated that Minho was wasting his time by making him try on things he wasn’t even wanting Thomas to wear.

But he wasn’t.

“And?”

“You look handsome,” Minho said honestly, smoothing out the non existent wrinkles against his shoulders, just so he would have something to do with his hands. Again with the touching!! He didn’t move away though, “very handsome.”

Their gaze held for a long moment, not a trace of amusement in Minho’s, as he stared into Thomas’ wide doe eyes.

“Do you need help with anything?” came a sweet voice close to the entrance into the change rooms.

Thomas and Minho visibly jumped apart, belatedly realizing how indecently close they had been standing. Minho cleared his throat awkwardly and Thomas turned away from them to hide his red face.

“W-we uh—we’re good, right?”

Thomas glanced back at Minho’s stuttering with a raised eyebrow. Uncertainty wasn’t a quality one would usually associate with Minho.

He also realized the words were the same, but the meaning felt completely different. As though he was telling the blonde girl they didn’t need her assistance, and at the same time, asking him if they were cool.

Like the knowledge of Minho genuinely finding him attractive hadn’t broken his brain.

“Yes. Y-yeah, yeah sure.”

Minho constantly said suggestive to him but it always had a teasing lilt to it, accompanied by a smirk, solely for the purpose of embarrassing him.

This though…this was unfamiliar.

It felt intimate, kind of like when they danced at the house party last week; too close a distance for roommates who were supposed to be friends. Friends didn’t dance like that. Friends didn’t unnecessarily smooth non-existent wrinkles either—yes he’d noticed.

It took a moment to realize Minho was talking. “Wait, what?” Thomas interrupted.

“I was saying, I’ve already paid so we’re done for the day, shank.”  Minho bent down to grab their bags, and Thomas very pointedly didn’t look at his ass.

Unfortunately, that meant he made eye contact with the attendant instead, who had stayed past her offer. She looked between him and Minho knowingly, a smile playing on her lips.

Great. More people witnessing this disaster waiting to happen. When he turned back to Minho having nothing else to distract himself from, he found Minho not looking at Thomas, but again at the outfit he still wore, like he was trying to memorize every stitch and slope of the suit.

He could feel the heat on his cheeks, watching Minho’s slow appraisal of him. It was a rush, knowing he could have that kind of affect on Minho of all people.

Honestly, he’d wear this ridiculously expensive suit everyday, if it would get Minho to look at him like that.

Feeling uncharacteristically daring, Thomas unbuttoned the jacket, shrugging it off his shoulders with more grace than he was aware he possessed. The waist coat followed in the same manner, neither boy saying anything, Minho’s eyes tracking Thomas’ nimble fingers and Thomas’ eyes tracking Minho.

He wanted to test whether Minho meant what he said, a Wanna take the rest of it off? on the tip of his tongue, but he chickened out.

Minho seemed genuine but he could have been joking too. Sure there was the implication he was attractive in this get-up—he wasn’t blind after all—but it could have been a bro thing too, right?

There was no way a star like Minho would go for Thomas…

“I’m hungry,” Minho said abruptly, taking a step back. “You should change,”

So Thomas kept his mouth shut, changed the rest of the way in the stall and took the bus back to the apartment with his flatmate.

A flatmate very out of bounds!! Why was it getting so hard to remember that?

—

A/N: Lovelies!! Back again with a new chapter where my boys are still idiots ;)  Had it sitting in my drafts just waaaaiting for the final edit lol Wedding Shenanigans next!! love much, nenz

[hellobrockie]

Some very long Rambly TROS thoughts

Holy fuck there is so much wrong with this movie.

Let's start at the beginning. Kylo tracks down the wayfinder/holocron crystal thing that will lead him to the sith homeworld. We learn that Palpatine was behind both the Snoke and Vader voices in Kylo’s head-basically the dude has been manipulating him for 30 years. Kylo states very clearly he's gonna kill this motherfucker. This is very in line with the Last Jedi- Kylo wants to destroy everything- the Sith the Jedi the Resistance- because he’s tired of the constant push-pull of rejection and manipulation. BUT THEN HE DOESNT KILL PALPATINE???? At first the film argues that he doesn't kill Palps because Palps promises him the big FINAL ORDER fleet? Okay...but I don’t think Kylo really gives a shit about a big fleet of ships when it's offered by the fucker who has been scrabbling his brains for shits and giggles. Once the ‘Rey Palpatine’ thing comes to light, we are lead to believe Kylo went along with the whole final order plan because he wanted to kill Palpatine together with REY???? Ahh okay? 

So now we switch back to Rey. She's basically a jedi, cool. And I guess the Skywalker saber just fixed itself, with literally no scars or anything. A great visual representation about how this film feels about character development that happened in The Last Jedi. So Rey breaks concentration and fails the courses. According to the film, this happens because sheisapalpatine. If you had two brain cells you would realize Rey could be upset for normal reasons ...like that in order to the Resistance to win she’s going to have to put Kylo down like a dog. Its kinda cool that Leia is her teacher (more on that later).

Soo then we spend the next hour on a pointless adventure with the Trio™. Which would be fun, if they were ever established as a Trio. Arguably the real trio might be Rose-Finn-Poe. More on Rose later. Here is a list of incomprehensible things that happen here:

Kylo reforges his mask. Because Reasons? The knights of Ren. Because Reasons?

A handful of force bond scenes. The first one actually isn’t half bad. By wearing the mask, Kylo is rejecting the intimacy inherent to the connection because he is about to  defile it. Grabbing Rey’s necklace is a physical and emotional violation. It's the first time he has ever used the connection for personal gain.  The other connection scenes mostly just play around with the two of them being able to pass each other stuff. They lack the careful editing of TLJ connection scenes. Disclaimer: I’m a pretty hard core Reylo and these scenes really lacked the magic they previously had.This might be un-purpose Kylo is clearly pretty lost as this point.  Dull, lacking in heart like so much of this film. 

Kylo becomes a cartoon power ranger villian spouting Palpatine exposition and attempting to create suspense by almost catching the trio a couple times. Some of the dialogue is almost Revenge of the Sith Anakin level awkward.  It lacks both the unstable angry energy of FA or the sad tired boi energy of TLJ. 

Rey makes force lighting because I guess she was upset and it's a genetic ability now???

Poe gets a female love interest, becuase hes heterosexual. HeTeroSeXUal.

Poe and Finn flirt for a whole hour while Poe checks out some new chick and Finn now has a harem thing kinda. 

Poe is now a spice trader. BECAUSE YOU KNOW HE'S THE HAN SOLO OF THE TRILOGY. Let's just forget that TLJ establishes that Poe is his own character, probably loyal to the resistance since birth. His parents are rebellion alumni.

Two death fake outs. I don’t know why they had to give 3PO his memories back. He lost them at the end of the Prequels and R2 loved him anyway. Chewbacca capture was a missed opportunity to get some resolution to him shooting Kylo in the gut. 

Hux is the spy. Lovely. He is the ultimate weak bitch. Tbh the most consistent character development. Arguably my favorite detail on the entire film. Perfect execution. Domhnall Gleason is a gift. 

Now onto Endor. Endor has so much potential and squanders most of it.

Finn meets other people who left the stormtrooper program. Cool. Weird how it's tied to force sensitivity. I like the idea of the force putting Poe and Finn in the right place at the right time, but I think to imply people’s ability to escape slavery is tied to force sensitivity brings us to the problematic terrority of the sequels. Also the only one who talks to Finn is also black. And Clearly has a romantic vibe. Okay…..

The Rey Palpatine thing is made explicit. Even though anyone will half a brain figured it out 90 minutes ago. More wierd implications…..who would agree to fuck an old man Palpatine? So Rape i guess. Rey’s parents were normal...is this some kinda side material hook to read more about them or some shit??? Kylo refers to Rey’s parents as ‘filthy junk traders’. He's right. THEY SOLD HER INTO FUCKING SLAVERY. However Rey’s parents are good people??? WTF THIS IS THE JEDI COUNCIL ALL OVER AGAIN.

 Soo Kylo destroys the wayfinder to force Rey to work with him. Anti-Reylos will often get their panties in a twist about how it’s an ‘abusive relationship’. This is the only scene that really comes off as manipulative- in a way it never did in TLJ. Partly because they play up this idea of power-hungry Kylo (which has little basis in reality. In FA he just wanted to make Snoke his daddy. And TLJ Kylo is just soo fucking lonely) rather than sad boi Kylo trying to hold onto someone. Damn the TLJ throne scene is soo careful with getting that energy right, balancing the heartbreak with a little gaslighting (sorry off topic).  Then They Fight. Kylo doesn’t even pull out a saber at first because he literally has no intention of killing her. Rey fights because she's mad. Leia decides to intervene at this time, which is weird because Kylo still has no intention of hurting Rey. Apparently Leia sending Kylo a text is enough to freak him out. THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE TIME FOR FLASHBACKS, MAYBE A ‘YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE’ TO TIE HIM BACK TO HIS NAMESAKE. 

Instead Rey gets him in the gut. She then heals him, something that should have been really intimate. This would have been time to kiss him in that wistful ‘ I wanted to know what it would be like before I exile myself forever way’. This is one of the scenes that desperately needed more breathing room AND GIVE KYLO SOME FUCKING DIALOGUE YOU COWARDS. Healing him combined with Leia stuff should have reduced Kylo to a pile of tears. I think he would find it completely overwhelming that someone thinks he is worth it, worth a part of their life source, worth their final breathes. 

Oh woah surprise Han Solo. This kinda works for me because unlike robot Leia and fairy godmother Luke, Han looks alive. Plus Han is only a memory so Kylo has to save himself, make his own choice. Aww fuck this got me the closest to tears becuase he looks so fucking sad about the fact that he can’t go home. Damn you Adam Driver and you’re big weepy eyes. His mother is dead and I don’t think he ever truly realized that she wanted him back. I guess with the way things went with Luke, he just assumed he was unwanted. Even now, Han is the only one of the 3 Ben can really imagine taking him back. Who knew Han was such a softie.  At the same time there is something so unintentionally sad about the fact that Ben’s whole family can become force ghosts and not a single one gives enough of  a shit about him to show up at the turning point of his life. 

Also the implication that Ben turns to protect Leia’s lifework is strange. Leia’s legacy is the Rebellion, a democratic senate, a planet wiped off the map, NOT SKYWALKER JEDI #2 JJ!!!!! Ben doesn’t even interact with any of the larger powers at work, he just saves Rey. 

Also while Ben’s guilt and shame about killing Han (his true sin) keep him on the dark side, this doesn’t address the 8 million other reasons he left the light. Also why do Leia and Rey never discuss this???? His own fucking family repeatedly rejected him because of his ‘Vadar-ness’ which is ironic considering…….

Then we cut to Rey’s fairy godmother-esque trip to Ahch-To where she arms herself with all of the Skywalker’s personal effects:

Mad that Rian Johnson denied you that ESB fanservice call-back of Luke being able to pull his x-wing out of water?? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered. 

Mad that Leia didn’t have lightsaber? Don’t worry JJ has got you covered, Leia was always prepared to be a back up to Luke because she doesn’t have her own perspective or anything or like a whole fucking political system to run. Also she stopped training because apparently completing her journey would end in Ben’s death...ooo SmArT foreshadowing that Rey using her lightsaber will end in one dead Ben boi. 

Leia and Luke ALWAYS knew about Rey Palps. Which is funny because they threw their own flesh and blood in the trash because he seemed kinda Vader-y. I guess it's wrong to judge people by their bloodlines unless its your own bloodline. I can’t even. 

There is no mention of Ben at all- even though Leia and Luke both died for him and Rey put her whole heart into saving him.  

Now to Exeger or whatever again. Almost two hours in and we’re back at the planet we were on in the first 5 minutes.

Spaceship stuff happens. Take out your checklist to get those pilot and ship cameos. Ooo look its The Ghost! OG trilogy pilot! Lando is there! WOOO! Poe’s girlfriend lived somehow! 

Ben’s last words are ‘Ow’.

Palps wants Rey to kill him because I guess that will make her evil? Since when does killing people make you evil? I don’t think killing Palps to save the world in the same as ‘striking your enemies down in hatred’ or whatever. 

Oh Hey Ben is here. Palps doesn’t care much I guess even though trolling Skywalkers is his whole life’s passion. 

Palps drains the life out of Ben/Rey. They don’t die. Ben goes flying into a pit. Rey has to face Palps alone because I guess even though Ben/Rey are stronger together and are cosmically linked the lone jedi thing will happen anyway?? Is feminism about doing everything on your own rather than building meaningful connections with your equal partner. Honestly only Men would think a women has to do everything alone to prove her worth, Rey has been wanting allies and family her whole life LET HER HAVE IT. 

Also okay sooo Palps did technically kill Rey’s parents and she had about a whole 5 minutes to think about that. Multiple generations of Ben’s family have been tortured by this guy, so I think it would be rather cathartic to see him play a bigger role in the end of Palp.

Rey enters the Avatar State. Cue more fanservice cameos (I love you Ahsoka, but you said it yourself, you ain’t a jedi). In another backhanded slap to TLJ were back on the TheJediDidNothingWrong line of thinking. Anakin is present ...I wonder if anyone else is interested in talking to him…...

Rey dies. I’m not sure why. Palps legit sucked the life of her and she lived, but the Avatar State killed her. 

Ben crawls out of pit. Damn Adam Driver has legs for days. He heals Rey, its kinda sweet but it's also really really weird that he hasn’t said anything. Not saying we need an over the top love declaration but even his emotionally constipated parents managed to get an ‘I love you’ out. 

Ben saves Rey. The thing Anakin thought the dark side would give him the power to do. Interesting bookend. Sad that my boy has such low self preservation, he gives her his life without hesitation. Why do we have to die for other people? It’s much harder to have to live for other people. To move and grow beyond the past. To try and be our best everyday, even when its hard. Isn’t that real redemption? 

Ben kisses Rey. Awww. Its missing some of the elements of a big romantic drama kiss, which I would be okay with ...if it was followed up with a big romantic kiss with a sunset on a new planet before the credits roll. Alas this does not happen. The audience is somewhat befuddled since their had been almost no dialogue referencing their emotional connections. The ‘no one knows me./I do.’ dialogue from the trailer did not appear in film. 

Ben smiles. It has all the boyish charm and innocence Anakin wished he had in the prequels. Aww he really has never kissed anyone. I wonder when the last time he smiled was. HAS THIS MAN EVER HAD A GOOD DAY HIS ENTIRE LIFE. I am emotionally moved until approximately 2 seconds later….

Ben dies. There is no funeral. No mention. Rey doesn’t shed a single tear. This dude literally gave you his life without hesitation. Is Reylo one-sided? Or at least not equally felt? Ow. U The Resistance doesn’t wonder what happened to the Supreme leader. We know at the end of TLJ Luke became a legend, I do not think this happens to Ben. 

The Resistance parties. Cue Return of the Jedi film reel. Poe and Finn are heterosexual. No resolution to the stupid ReyFinn force sensitve thing. Two women kiss. It will be cut out of the Chinese release. 

Rey buries the lightsabers on Tatooine because you know Luke lived there and Leia once wore a metal bikini there. Rey choose the name Rey Skywalker. Which is interesting because she didn’t get along that well with Luke. She finished her training with Leia Organa Solo, Princess of Alderaan who just happens to have been a result of a sperm donation from Anakin Skywalker. She found a father figure in Han Solo. She loved a guy named Ben Solo. I’m not saying she should name herself Rey Solo, but it certainly is better than Rey Skywalker. I mean it's almost like a person's worth and ability aren’t dependent on either a bloodline or acceptance into the galaxies most powerful family. Rey nobody would have been fine.  I’m not going to get into the feminist angle of a self made women tying herself to the legacy of a man. Cue theaterwide groaning. 

Twin suns. Cool. I liked them better in The Last Jedi.

Rey has a yellow-ish lightsaber and maybe made out of her staff. Wonder where she got the crystals from and why they didn’t introduce it earlier. Possible implication she's going the way of the ‘grey’ jedi? idk some Jedi have yellow actually. Ahsoka had a yellow one. Not sure since this film is back on the JediwayisBest bullshit. 

We see Luke and Leia's force ghosts. Ben’s last word was ‘ow’.

In Summary, some odd implications:

Rey Palpatine is quite possibly the worst idea of all time. Worse than midichlorians. The highest level of fanboy pandering and Rian Johnson erasure. Rey has a lot of very real things to be angry about - her rough childhood, the deaths of her mentors, loving someone as dense as Ben Solo, having to come to terms with the fact that her parents didn’t love her. 

Return to prequel-esque thinking on slavery. Apparently it is not that bad if you sell someone as long as you do it with LOVE. 

Making Finn force sensitive is not character development. Its just half assed pandering and additional exposition in a film filled with exposition.

There is some truly awful dialogue in this film. Its shot composition and editing is so sloppy compared to FA or TLJ. 

The force in balance means killing everyone on the darkside. 

Rose is completely sidelined. She is the only Asian character on screen. She is seemingly replaced with a black woman who has a similar background to Finn and is a scavenger like Rey. Yikes. Why does this feel like an anti-interacial relationship thing. 

Said Black women Jarrah talks to Lando, another black character in a bizarre dialogue that vaguely implies all black people are related. I might be really misreading this, but its weird. I would have liked her to talk to Rose instead because female solidarity. 

FinnPoe is played up a LOT. But we are also repeatedly reminded they are attracted to women. This does not feel like woke Bisexual culture. This is pandering without making a commitment. 

Rey’s worth as a character is related to her connection to powerful people in the Star Wars mythos, not her own traits. 

Ben’s character resonates really strongly with abuse victims and outsiders. His lack of dialogue strips him of a lot of his agency.  His estrangement from his family is not resolved. Vader, who arguably did a lot worse things gets a whole dying monologue and force ghost thing. 

Oh hey C3PO said the festival is every 42 year old….OG came out 42 years ago. heh.

In Summary:

Watch the Clone Wars animated series

Fall in love with Ahsoka

Watch Star Wars Rebels or at least all the episodes with Ahsoka and also the series finale, it's got some cool force stuff in it. 

Think about the cool force stuff in Star Wars Rebels and the cool force stuff in The Last Jedi. Woah.

Apply all this cool force stuff to your own personal version of the Rise of Skywalker

Wait for clone wars finale Feb 2020

Rinse and Repeat

Peg Kylo Ren

Oscar Isaac is the Captain on the FinnPoe Ship. 

The Last Jedi was the Best One. Fight Me. 

Find the fanfiction where Rey tells him what a good boi he is which reduces him to a puddle. Find the fanfiction where he cries during sex the first time, the second time, every time. Find the fanfiction where his force ghost gets a hug, where his family welcomes his back. 

Read Fanfiction:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21852886

What I would do instead:

Delete Rey Palpatine

Ditch the mask. You have a fucking Oscar nomiated actor hiding under it. 

After the Endor part, have Kylo join either Rey or the Resistance. Personally I think him hitching a ride on the Falcon would have been wonderfully awkward. And maybe give some closure the calling Finn a ‘traitor’ thing. This is fanservice-y, but no more fanservice-y than the rest of the film. And maybe finally answer the question of who does/doesnt know who Kylo Ren is. Would like a verbal declaration that he identifies as Ben Solo or least Ben or something. 

Ben can still die I guess but maybe give him some kinda funeral. Or reuse the golden dice symbolism. 

Slow everything done. Let the audience feel sad, feel happy. Oh and cut out those fucking death fake outs. 

[retro-rezz-the-est]

The Right Alpha pt. 2 (Drew/Reader/Roman A/B/O)

Summary: A/B/O action with Drew and Ro accompanied by real time plot lmao. No smut this time, but plenty of angst and fluff.

(A/N: I wanted to get this out for my birthday and for the 500 followers milestone last week but since I’m a lazy piece of shit who’s brain doesn’t work properly, I forgot lol. So here it is! Thanks once again for 500+ and let’s hope that I haven’t lost my marbles due to VKM’s crap by the next milestone. God bless @writinglionqueen and @writing-reigns for being my betas and my support system throughout this. Love y’all both! ^3^)

Warnings: a lot of harassment/sexual harassment, brief flashbacks of the douchebag ex from the first part and Roman and Drew bc they should come with their own warning labels lmao

Word Count: 6728

Read part one here 

(Y/n): your name

                                                       ~~~~~

“You sure you don’t need anything tonight?” Roman asked.

“Trust me, Ro, I’ll be fine,” you said, holding your phone to your ear as you walked towards the backstage door. Even though Ro was still scheduled to be at tonight’s show, he still had yet to show up to the arena. Duffel in hand, you shouldered the door open and were met with the bustling sounds of the production team and the stagehands prepping for that night’s SmackDown Live taping. 

You heard him chuckle in your ear. “If you say so, baby girl. Love you.”

“Love you too, Big Dog.”

Your heart felt light as you ended the call, sighing to yourself and holding the phone to your chest. You’ve been floating on air since Roman and Drew confronted you in that hallway after RAW a few months ago and with the implementation of the new, albeit incredibly stupid, “wild card rule”, you were able to spend more time with your Alphas. For the first time since jumping ship to the blue brand thanks to the new rule, you felt…

...happy.

You were actually eager to come into work that day, mentally preparing for your tag match with Bayley against Alexa and Nikki Cross. Sporting one of the merch tees you stole from Ro and a pair of jean shorts, you tried to maneuver your way around everyone and make it to the women’s locker room in one piece. You tugged on it and bought the collar to your face, inhaling and smiling as the scent of your alpha washed over you.

You really have it bad, don’t you? you asked yourself, your thoughts taking over.

Yep, and I don’t mind one bit.

You didn’t notice the figure in front of you until you crashed into them nose-first, bashing your head against the back of theirs.

“Shit,” you said, pocketing your cell as you tried to speak with a mouth full of hair. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention!”

“It’s ok, girl. I shouldn’t have been standing around like an idiot,” the voice replied, their body turning to face you.

The now-revealed Smackdown Women’s Champ ran a hand through her long hair and smiled at you, taking her other hand off of her suitcase’s handle briefly to give you one of her iconic hugs. When you first transferred from the Monday show, the Beta was the first person to show you any sort of kindness. So, the two of you became fast friends, looking out for each other both in and out of the ring. “So, how’s my fave tag team partner doing?”

“I’m doing well, actually,” you replied as you started off on you way again, her trailing closely behind you. “SmackDown’s a lot more chill than Raw is, to be honest.”

She let out another short laugh. “You’re not wrong here, (Y/n), but the wild card rule keeps shaking everything up around here.”

“Ugh, tell me about it. If I keep having to see the same people getting pushed when there’s quality talent just sitting back here, I’m gonna pull my hair out.”

“I know, right? I’d love to face some of the other girls here, like Kairi or Ember,” she added, unzipping her dark grey hoodie.

You raised your brow at her suggestions and noted, “I would actually pay to see those matches happen.”

“Well, at least it hasn’t been all that bad lately. You still get to see your mates every day thanks to the rule,” she sighed in content and looked at you. “I’m literally so jealous of you. Two mates! How do you guys even function?”

You started to ramble on about your relationship with the two Superstars as the two of you continued to walk down to the locker rooms, but you soon noticed Bayley glancing at you funny.

“What?” you asked her, brushing yourself off. “Is there something on me? Is there something on my face?”

“Nah, there isn’t. I was just hoping that you were gonna get into the more… juicy details,” she cheekily wondered, a sly grin plastered on her face.

“B-Bayley! I’m not gonna gossip about my sex life here! There are three topics you don’t talk about at work: politics, religion, and sex!”

“Aww, come on, live a little!” the beta whined. “Just this one little thing? For me?”

She already knew the answer the moment she looked back at your face, pouting in defeat. She made a move for her pocket and paused, feeling around in it when her eyes went wide.

“What’s wrong, Bayley?”

Groaning, she answered, “My hair ties. I think I left them with that stagehand I bumped into when I got here about an hour ago. Can you wait for me here and watch my bag while I try to find them? I promise I won’t be gone for long.”

“Of course,” you responded as she handed her small suitcase over to you. She shouted a “thank you” in your direction as she ran off and turned a corner.

You dropped your duffel on top of her suitcase and pulled your phone back out and leaned up against the wall behind you, scrolling through your old texts as you drowned out the hustle and bustle around you. You opened your group chat with Drew and Ro, giggling at how they both complained about working with Shane and his behavior.

Reading through the messages, you didn’t notice the shadow that had just loomed over your body. A hand slapped the wall next to your head, but you didn’t want to look up. You didn’t want to look up because you already knew who it was.

Speak of the fucking devil.

“Hello, (Y/n).”

You could already hear the sickly sweet adoration dripping from his voice, but you still didn’t look at him when you responded. “What the hell do you want, Shane?”

“Woah there, Omega. Is that any way to speak to your boss? I feel offended,” he said, his voice still filled with endless loads of fakeness. You could smell the cockiness rolling off him in waves, so much so that you had to hold your breath whenever he was around. The hand on the wall was slowly moving closer to your head and you could hear it, and you hoped to whoever’s above that someone would do something about it.

But no one ever did.

You could feel your hands starting to tremble as he leaned closer to your face. “I was just gonna ask where your two big, bad Alphas were, sweetheart. There’s no harm in that.”

The weight of his leer felt like a brick pressing against your forehead and you kept getting whiffs of want her and mine that you sure as hell didn’t need today. The Alpha above you moved a piece of hair away from your face and chuckled at your hesitance, already familiar with it.

“Y-You should already know where Drew is, you prick. And Ro’s here as well. He’s just not… here… right now.”

Your wolf was going absolutely batshit at the sight of him, and the thought of him touching you made it even more ravenous.

Hit him! Tear into his smug face! Kick him in the balls! Tell him off! Do something already!

You could feel your teeth start to grow sharper as he chuckled again, his free hand descending to your waist while the other made its way to the back of your head. You could feel his gaze lingering in your cleavage, and you felt more exposed than before.

Why can’t he just leave me alone, for fuck’s sake?

“Oh, he’s not here right now? What a shame. Truly,” he said teasingly. Shane’s hands gripped you tighter as he pulled you closer to him, forcing you to look up at him and drop your phone to the floor with a clatter. His eyes were malicious, but they held in them a caring look so fake and plastic that it made you sick.

Your entire body shuddered as you looked into his empty eyes. “Yeah, he’s not here now. So, w-what do you want from me, S-Shane?”

It was still shocking how no one passing by saw him do this to you. It still shocked you how no one interfered with him tormenting you like this.

“You know what I want, (Y/n). Just say yes and I’ll go.”

Resisting the urge to scoff, you uttered, “The fucking answer’s still no and you know why.”

“Aww, come on, live a little!” he whined, mocking Bayley’s earlier comment and making you cringe. “I could show you a really fun time.”

He managed to pull you even closer to his chest and he leaned down to your ear. “Just picture it: a night out celebrating with me and Drew after beating your pathetic, waste of space mate to a pulp once again. And as the night grows even later, we could get more… intimate, if you will.”

Don’t say anything, you told your wolf despite the immediate pushback from it. Shane’s breath was near potent and you actually felt the need to eject a wave of vomit onto his Jordans. Keep quiet and don’t make this any worse for me.

“Plus, seeing as those two idiots haven’t even claimed you yet, I can show that Scottish dud how it’s really done.”

Gripping your hair, he yanked your head back and bashed your head on the wall, ogling at your unmarked neck while you hissed in pain. With your arms stuck against his body, his head fell and he drew his nose over the skin. “You’d love being mine, Omega. I’d treat you right, unlike those absolute brutes you have for mates.”

Don’t do anything because if you do, then you’ll bite his nose off and we’ll be out of a job.

“What do you say, (Y/n)? You wanna take this for a test drive?”

His wedding band started to dig into your side through your shirt and you yelped, telling him, “You shouldn’t be doing this, Shane. You’re married, right? And you have pups?”

He roared with laughter at your comment, and all you wanted to do in that moment was curl into a ball and hide with your mates at your side. He responded with a large grin, saying, “And what about it, sweetheart? She doesn’t have to know now, does she?”

Moving up to your jaw from your neck, his lips brushed against your cheek as he added, “And besides, you like knowing that, don’t you?”

Before he could move closer to your own mouth, his own phone rang and you thanked every deity in existence that he released you and moved away to take the call.

“We’ll finish this conversation later, (Y/n). I’ll see you around.”

Holding the phone to his ear, he brushed off his chest with his free hand and casually walked away, you looking bewildered as he did so. You felt nauseous and dirty, feeling your now sharpened nails digging into the palms of your hands as you curled them into fists.

You hated this.

You’ve hated it since he started this little “game” of his a month ago, and you sure as hell hate it now. You hated how easily he could corner you and make you feel as vulnerable and weak as a small child. And you couldn’t even do anything about it because he was your fucking boss!

Your wolf howled in anger, letting out kill and must tell mates with every other breath. Everything around you continued as normal, but you knew that it was far from it. Your eyes burned with the feeling of unfallen tears and you could feel your breath grow faint when a familiar voice reared in the background. 

“Hey, (Y/n)! I’m back! Sorry I took so long, the stagehand wasn’t in the spot where I had found them originally and I had to go searching for them again but that took ages-”

Bayley stopped her mini rant and took a good look at you, your entire attitude seeming to deflate since she had left originally.

“Hey, are you okay?” the Beta asked you. “You look...sick. Like you’ve just seen a ghost or something.”

Blinking the tears away, you forced a laugh out and moved your hands behind your back. “It’s fine. I’m just… just a little nervous about tonight. It’s my first time going against Alexa and I want my first match with her to go well.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll be fi- oh my god, (Y/n)!)”

You quickly looked around, eyes wide with shock. “What? What happened? What is it?”

“Your hands!”

“My wha- oh.”

Drops of blood were currently dripping from your fists and onto the floor, making small puddles at your sides. You didn’t feel the bite of your nails digging into your skin, but you chuckled nervously and tried to hide them again. She grabbed your wrists in one hand and reached for her bag with the other.

“We have to get these cleaned and wrapped before out match tonight. Come on!” she told you, hoisting your bag onto her shoulder and dragging you by your wrist to the medical personnel with her free hand.

~~~~~

“Haha, take that, Bliss! You’re never getting your hands on this!” Bayley exclaimed at the blonde as the woman clutched her sides at the champ’s feet, you raising her arm above her head in victory. Moments later, Nikki slid into the ring as soon as you two slipped out of it.

Bayley gave you a hug as she started to make her way up the ramp with her title held high, Bliss and Cross limping back up a few minutes later. You, however, walked in the direction of the announce table where an empty chair and headset were waiting for you. You gave a brief greeting to Graves, Saxton and Philips before situating yourself next to the first man.

The last match of the night was a one-on-one bout between Ro and Shane and as always, Shane cockily walked out to the ring with Drew in tow to the sounds of boos from the crowd and his “best in the world” introduction. Drew grabbed two mics for him and Shane before they both climbed into the ring, looking like they absolutely owned the place. It would’ve made you smile if it weren’t for him being the lackey at the likes of Shane. 

Shane raised his to his mouth and was about to talk, but he was interrupted by the blaring sound of Roman’s theme. He came out with a smirk on his face and you could almost hear the thud of his boots as he stalked to the ring.

He threw you a wink when he made it to the ropes closest to you and you smiled, hearing the ref signal for the bell and seeing Shane immediately rush at him from behind. He threw his forearm into the back of Roman’s head and crippled him, making you gasp. Drew applauded at ringside and the two of you locked eyes.

You shuddered under his intense gaze and you quickly looked away just in time to see Shane stomping out Roman, your mate groaning as his heel connected with his chest. You glanced away from the match briefly to discuss other matters with your fellow commentators (minus Graves, of course) before turning back and seeing Shane glaring directly at you, the look in his eyes making feel nauseous as you wrap your arms around your torso.

He winked at you like Roman had, taking his time raking those eyes along your figure and Roman was quick to notice. The Samoan bared his teeth and growled as he began to let out his wolf and rose from the ring floor, charging at Shane and spearing his head into the ringpost he was closest to. As the grey-haired Alpha started to regain his senses again, he threw his chest back and howled with the rest of the Universe and speared Shane again. The match was over before you could even blink, and Roman quickly pinned the other Alpha to pick up the win.

Huh, Shane’s off his game tonight. Good, you thought as you heard the three-count and you stood to clap for your mate. Taking off your headset and thanking the three men at commentary, you made your way into the ring and took Roman’s arm to raise it.

You two quickly moved out of it and began walking up the ramp side by side, his arm thrown around your shoulders and your own wrapped around his waist. Glancing behind you, you saw the dirty look Shane threw you and you smiled internally at that, claiming it as a small victory over him.

He pulled you aside near some supply crates as you made it backstage, bringing you into his chest while you inhaled his familiar scent. It had momentarily calmed your nerves down, being there with him, but they were briskly replaced by a new feeling of dread when he moved your hands from around him and looked down at your bandaged hands.

“How’d this happen, Omega?” Roman asked, worry making his brows furrow. “Did you hurt yourself?”

He started to rub at where the skin of your palms would be as you answered him. “Yeah, I did. I was nervous my match and I didn’t notice my nails digging into my hands. Bayley bandaged me up well, so I should be fine.”

You and your own wolf felt bad for lying to him about them, but you didn’t need him going after Shane with a death wish in tow and getting fired because of it.

This is better, you assumed, seeing his eyes grow soft. It’s better for all of us.

“I’m just glad that you were able to pin Shane tonight,” You raised your hands to cup his face and he nuzzled himself into them, making you chuckle. “Lord knows he needs to be put in his place.”

Roman laughed as you said the last bit under your breath, squeezing your waist before lifting his hands to move yours from his face. “Speaking of Shane,” he questioned, looking down at you with concern in his warm brown eyes, “what was that wink all about during the match? Is there something you’re not telling me, baby girl?”

“What? No,” you scoffed, answering him quickly. “Shane’s just being his usual dickish self in order to get under your skin and make you mad. Nothing more.”

The quickness of your response made the Alpha quirk his brow for a second when he smelled hurt and shame wafting off of you but he brushed it off, agreeing with you. You rose onto your toes and planted a kiss to his cheek, saying, “Now, you wait for Drew here while I go and get our things ready, ok?”

You let go of him and began walking away, hearing him reply with a “yes ma’am” and pivoting on your heel to see him throw up a faux salute in your direction. His eyes lingered on you even as your figure grew smaller until you finally turned a corner.

Your heart wanted to fall out of your chest and flop around on the floor when he asked you about your hands, and even more so when he asked about Shane’s shitty excuse of a wink. But, you persisted, even though your wolf continued to berate you about the situation.

Lying will not make this better. Makes it worse for you and mates. You’ll see.

~~~~~

Since your tag match with Bayley against Bliss and Cross went over so well on SmackDown, you were told that you had to give a dual promo with the blonde Omega the next week on the red brand. 

You arrived to the arena dressed in a casual black tank with some skinny jeans, your sweater tied around your waist. Since the skin on your hands was starting to heal and you didn’t want to encounter Shane again, you decided to take the longer route to the locker room instead, using as many of the hallways as you could. He was always lingering somewhere on both shows and was always eager to find you, and you weren’t taking any chances.

A few minutes had passed since you’d seen anyone and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in. Turning down another empty hall, you felt a presence trailing behind you as you walked, but you paid it no mind. Then, a rough hand grasped your shoulder and spun you around.

“Thought you could run away from me, little Omega?”

How in the absolute hell?!

Your eyes went wide when he spun you around and pinned your arms to your sides. Shane moved in closer and you had the incredible urge to just raise your head and scratch his face up with your teeth.

“H-How did you find me?”

His laughter bounced off the concrete walls, making your bones vibrate. “I told you last week that we’d finish our conversation later. And to me, ‘later’ means ‘right fucking now’.”

He laughed again at your lack of words, your mouth slightly agape and hyperventilating. You were smart in that you didn’t ball your hands up as to not puncture the skin of your palms again, but you were damn near close to.

You could feel his hands sliding up your bare arms and situate themselves at the base of your neck, his thumbs drawing figures along your collarbone. All you could see was his smug grin, complete with eyes that were filled with absolutely zero remorse for what he was doing.

“Why do you do this to m-me, Shane? What did I do to you?”

This caught his attention. “You haven’t done anything yet, but you will.”

Huh?

“Like I said numerous times before, you’ll need a real Alpha like myself to show you the ropes. You’ll need me to claim you and show you how to be a good-”

He talked to you as if you were an incompetent child, and his hold on you grew tighter with every word. You began to struggle and try to get yourself out and away from him, but to no avail.

This hurts.

“- obedient -”

Pain.

“- little Omega for me, (Y/n).”

Struggling became useless as your breathing became quicker and quicker with each passing second and you shut your eyes tight, feeling them shift along with your teeth. His words were reminiscent of those from your ex-lover, and you couldn’t help but see blood red all over at the sound of them. 

All you could think of was how dirty your ex made you feel, putting you down constantly with his hurtful, disgusting actions and words, and he made you feel the exact same way that he had and you wanted him to. You had to physically hold yourself back from pouncing on him and dragging his face into the ground.

Get him now!

“Shane? Shane, where th’ fuck are ya? We’re on in thirty bloody minutes!”

Oh, thank the gods above.

Shane groaned and released you abruptly, causing you to stagger back. “Fucking hell, Drew.”

The large Scottish Alpha’s feet reverberated off the walls around you and he turned the corner closest to you two, looking around. He spotted you both and stomped over, clearly pissed off with Shane.

“What th’ hell, man?! Ya say you were gonna meet me here, an’ then you just rush out like a bat outta hell!”

Dressed in a simple white tee and jeans with a leather jacket on top, he curled his hands and growled, letting off more feral scents combined with his usual one. Through his frustration, he saw the glow of your shifting eyes and how much you were trembling, accompanied by the growing of your nails at your sides.

Eyes flickering between the two of you, he looked at the other Alpha and grimaced. “And what were ya doin’ all alone here with my mate, Shane? I thought I told ya she’s taken.”

The other man chuckled nervously as you cupped your neck, feeling the imprints from his fingers already beginning to bloom into small bruises.

“We weren’t doing anything, McIntyre. I just caught up with her and was just politely asking her a question about her new feud with Alexa. Isn’t that tight, (Y/n)?”

You nearly barfed at his piss poor attempt at being nice, but you decided to play along. “Yeah,” you murmured, willing your eyes to fade to their normal hue and your nails and teeth to shrink down. “We’re all good here.”

You feigned another laugh and quickly put your sweater on, zipping it up fully to keep your skin hidden. Drew looked as if he didn’t buy any of it but soon turned around, grabbing Shane by the collar and dragging him away.

“Woah, hey now, watch the shirt! This thing is worth more than your monthly salary!”

“Cut th’ shit,” the Scot grumbled, stomping away with him in tow. “We’re already running behind schedule and I don’t need t’ hear your daddy runnin’ his mouth at me again.”

And with that, the duo disappeared behind another wall, their voices fading into nothing while you stumbled back into the wall behind you, clutching your chest and feeling your heart race.

“Great,” you muttered, briskly walking in the opposite direction of them. “Hope the Glam Squad has enough concealer to cover these up.”

Your promo was one of the first segments of the night and you were finished with it relatively quickly, getting a fairly good reaction from the crowd when the other woman had come out to do her bit. You were glad everything went smoothly once you finished and when you finally got backstage, you started to make the journey back to get the remainder of your things and head back to the hotel.

You made it to the women’s locker room and shut the door, grabbing your sweater and bending down to stuff it into the bag you had Natalya bring for you. You got out your phone to text your mates and ask them when they were going to be finished when the door behind you creaked open, twin footfalls thudding on the floor. Their scent slowly filled the room surrounded you before you saw them and you relaxed your shoulders.

“Hey, are you guys finished for the night? I was gonna text you to see when you-”

You pivoted on your heel to face the two large Alphas with a grin on your face, Roman dressed in a long sleeved black tee and shorts and Drew in the outfit you saw him in earlier. They stared back at you intensely, Roman crossing his arms and Drew moving to go lock the door.

You shuddered under their intense glares, asking, “Is everything okay?”

Roman was the first one to speak, uncrossing his arms and walking over to you. He moved your bag and took your hand, sitting you down on the bench behind you as the Scot watched from the door.

“Me and Drew were talking earlier, and we feel like you’re hiding something from us, ‘mega.”

Oh, help me now.

“Me? Hiding something from you two?” you pondered, scoffing and chuckling anxiously. “Everything’s totally fine. Trust me.”

“And there it is again,” he shot back, “you’re doing that thing again. You’ve been acting skittish and dodging our questions for almost a month now. Why won’t you tell us what’s wrong?”

He was confused, and you could clearly see the hurt in his eyes when you looked into them. But you couldn’t bring yourself to tell them yet.

Do it.

“I mean, was it something that we said? Something we did?”

“N-No, of course not, Ro! You know you’d never do anything to hurt me! You both wouldn’t!”

You sighed and took your hands out of his, placing them on your head as your eyes fell to your lap. It took everything in you not to burst out into a fiery mix or rage and tears. “Look, I already told you guys before. It’s noth-”

A loud bang brought you back from your stupor and you yelped, jumping out of your skin and directing your attention to the door. Drew stood there with the side of his fist against the door, and there was a crack emulating from the impact.

“Enough of this, (Y/n). We’re your Alphas, your mates. You’re supposed t’ tell us when something’s up. Why’re ya hidin’ from us?” he whispered, his voice cracking near the end.

Drew didn’t really express his more sentimental emotions outright but when he did, it absolutely crushed you. You could see your mates hurting - feel them hurting - and they were slowly chipping away at your walls. The silence after he spoke was deafening and you knew that if a pin fell then, you would hear it.

Every second felt like a minute and every minute felt like an eternity until you opened your mouth again.

“I don’t want you both to think that I’m a bad Omega for not saying something sooner.”

Your soft voice prompted Drew to move away from the door and kneel down to your height, placing both of his hands on your thigh. “Leannan (sweetheart), nothing ya say right now will make us ever think that. You’re our mate, and ya should be able to tell us anything plaguin’ ya.”

“We love you, (Y/n), and we do care,” Roman added, moving his hand to cup your cheek. “You don’t have to tell us everything if it’s too much, but at least give us something.”

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

The fuse was lit.

Boom.

With that permission, you didn’t notice how quickly your body shifted into attack mode and you hastily stood, knocking your bag over.

“It’s fucking Shane’s fucking fault!” you barked, baring your teeth and nails to no one. “He keeps on stalking me and harassing me and bothering me and saying how much fucking better he’d be as my mate!”

You moved from the bench and began to pace the room, huffing and blocking out all outside noises as you continued to rant. “That little rich shitbag thinks he can do all of this over and over again with no consequence, and he thinks that he can just grab me and toss me around like I’m some useless thing! It makes me feel sick and dirty and… argh!”

The two Alphas jumped when you kicked a nearby locker, putting a dent in the shape of your foot in it. “I want to claw his eyes and scratch his smug stupid face! I hate it when he says that he’s gonna ‘show me the ropes’ and fucking claim me as his own when he’s got a whole wife and pups!”

You paused to catch your breath but you couldn’t stop the tears that were burning your eyes from falling. Your back hit the wall and you slid to the floor, cradling your face in your hands.

“I just… what did I do to deserve any of this?”

Your mates rushed to your sides as you cried, Drew holding you to his chest as you let the tears flow. You could feel Drew's heart beat faster and faster and you could feel Roman's heavy breathing on your neck.

The Samoan stood up and looked at your wrecked form, growling. You could see his eyes dilated and flash gold for a second before he turned away from you and unlocked the door, almost ripping it from its hinges as he stormed out with murder on his mind.

“Shane! Where the fuck are you, you bastard?! I’m gonna tear you apart!”

Oh fuck, you though, untangling yourself from Drew and getting up as quickly as you could to follow him. You two scrambled outside to find the wild Alpha and spotted him barreling through anyone who dared to get in his way as he continued to shout.

“Everyone get the hell out of my way! Where’s Shane?! I’m gonna fucking kill him!”

You ran after him, shoving past poor stagehands and other Superstars to get to your angered mate. Reaching him, you took his wrist and spun him around, seeing his eyes blown out to a full gold. His chest heaved with every harsh breath, and you could see veins popping out of his neck from how hard he was clenching his teeth.

“You see? This is why I didn’t tell you in the first place! I didn’t want you to go on a murder-happy fucking rampage and lose your damn job!”

“She’s got a point,” Drew added, firmly grasping Ro’s other wrist. “You need to think!”

He was having none of it. “He hurt my mate, our mate, and that waste of space needs to pay! I’ll find him and rip out his eyes myself.”

It scared you how aggressive he was when he meant it, but you stood your ground. “You’re not the only one who wants to kill that bag of human scum, Roman, but we do have to be smart about this.”

“We can deal with him next week,” you sighed. “Just… just calm down, please.”

No! Now! Get him now!

Drew nodded, agreeing with you and helping you to pull the other man back in the opposite go get the rest of your things even though he continued to try and escape. You smiled to yourself, though, at the thought of the things you were going to do to Vince’s son in the near future.

                                                          ~~~~~

For the next week, your two mates didn’t leave your side for a second, with Roman escorting you out to the ring for your match on SmackDown the next night and Drew acting as your personal bodyguard when the cameras weren’t rolling. They wouldn’t let anyone get near you, growling and baring their teeth at anyone who wasn’t a personal friend who dared to get in your personal space.

Monday came far too soon and the three of you arrived to the arena, game faces on as you waltzed in like your own little pack. They each had an arm around your waist with a hand in each of your back pockets, leering at everyone while you grinned.

Roman and Drew were already planned to have another in-ring bout prior to Extreme Rules, but they wanted to have you out for the main event as support. You already knew that Shane was going to be there, going ringside to cheer the Scotsman on and berate his opponent.

You all had your roles, you all had your positions. Now, it was just time to put it all into play.

As their match was the one to close out the night, you had to deal with hearing Shane’s long introduction when him and Drew went through the curtain. You watched them travel to the ring and you saw the Scottish Alpha’s hand twitch, eager to get his large hands on the man next to him.

Shane continued to rant before you and Roman cut him off, trekking down to the ring to meet him. He swiftly ducked under the ropes as Ro approached him but he smiled at you when he saw you, instantly making you sick to your stomach.

Gripping his elbow, you whispered, “You know what to do, right?”

“Of course I do, baby girl,” he replied, brushing you off. “I got this.”

He smirked at you, climbing up the steps and under the ropes. The bell rang and the match began with the two men locking into each other in the middle of the squared circle, Drew quickly getting Roman into a headlock and bringing him down to one knee.

He managed to shove the larger man off of him and into the ropes to throw his forearm into his clavicle and drop him down with a thud. Roman roared as a “Let’s go, Roman!” chant erupted from the crowds. You applauded him and Shane sneered, creeping closer to the ropes like a rat to freshly tossed food.

The match went on for several minutes, each filled with blows delivered and taken by both Superstars. Drew took a harsh Driveby from Ro on the edge of the ring and you were almost certain that he had been knocked out, had it been for the groan he made when he reached up to rub at his head.

It quickly turned to the Samoan being on the receiving end of most of the blows when Drew landed a nasty Glasgow Kiss to his skull, dropping him like a fly. He dragged the fallen wrestler to the middle of the ring, standing above him menacingly.

“Pin him! What are you doing, man? Just pin him already and get it over with!”

Shane’s loud voice could be heard above all else and you prayed that Roman would get up and walk it off like it was nothing. Instead, Drew chuckled and ducked out of the ring, walking around it to come face to face with the McMahon. As the older Alpha continued to go on and on, your mate threw the fastest right hook you’ve ever seen, making Shane plummet to the floor like a stone in water.

You looked around at the shocked faces of the commentators as well as various members of the WWE Universe, but you didn’t expect the roaring cheer that one move got.

He kneeled down to his level and proceeded to pumble the man further, driving fist after fist and hit after hit into him. You were full-on belly laughing at that point, noting how comical it was to see the once high and mighty Shane McMahon who had cornered you numerous times be put in a similar, vulnerable position.

It was beautiful.

Hearing the newfound commotion, Roman arose from his spot on the ring floor akin to the Undertaker and the crowd went wild once more. He got up and ran to the ropes behind him, bouncing back from them and diving over the set in front of him, Drew moving so he wouldn’t get hit.

Shane’s head struck the ramp below and began bleeding as his face and body grew battered and bruised. The two men towered above him and rained down blows and kicks galore, and you wished you had a phone with you to record the magic happening. They then hooked an arm under one of his and hoisted him up from the ground, looking at you gleefully. 

It was your time to shine, your chance to get your licks in.

“Go on, leannan!” Drew shouted, a wide, wicked smile plastered on his face. “Show this ugly bastard what’s for!”

Roman laughed alongside him. “Show ‘im your spitfire, Omega! Make him pay for what he did to you!”

Make him pay.

You roared, baring your sharpened teeth and charged at the silver-haired man, landing a solid dropkick to the middle of his chest. He fell with an “oof” and laid there like a limp ragdoll, but you weren’t going to let that deter you from having your own fun.

“If you ever-”

Punch.

“-ever-”

Another punch.

“-ever-”

One more for good measure.

“-think about touching me or talking useless crap about my mates again, I will fucking. End. You!”

With every word let out, you let out led to another hit to his body, your feet flying everywhere they could reach. After a solid five minutes of you three tossing him around and beating him to a pulp, you landed a fine tuned pointed-toe kick to his crotch. He crumbled to the ground, clutching his body as you and your mates looked on victoriously.

You could barely hear yourself think over the commotion going on around you, but you didn’t care. You got your payback. You all did and if he tries some shit like that again, you’ll be bound to pay him back again by a ten-fold.

You raced up the ramp to meet your lovers at the head, raising their arms to signal your win against Shane’s bullshit. You felt a weight being lifted off of your chest and you felt relieved for the first time in over a month.

Karma really is a beautiful thing, isn’t it?

                                                         ~~~~~

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[dothwrites]

spill your blood upon the floor

Dean/Castiel--Hitman AU (some violence)

---

The taste of copper in Dean’s mouth is an unsurprising, but still unwished for, development to his night. 

Knuckles slam into his mouth once more. Dean turns his head and spits. He licks his lips and tastes blood, thick and rusty, on his tongue. “Keep on going, if that’s what it takes to get it up,” he sneers. 

Again, not surprising when Mook #3 slams his fist into his face. 

It was supposed to be just a simple recon job--snoop around, take a looksie, and then get out. No muss, no fuss, and Dean’s back at his safe-house in time to catch up on the latest rerun of Dr. Sexy. But instead, he’s got his hands tied behind his back and his ankles tied to the legs of a rickety chair that’s quite frankly seen better days. Somehow, they’d managed to trip an alarm and then there had been guys rushing in. Dean had gotten a quick glimpse of Cas before he disappeared. 

Fucker could have at least waited, Dean thinks, scraping his wrists raw against the rough rope. 

“What is Michael planning?” His interrogator’s voice isn’t as calm and collected as it was when they started this little farce. Fuck ‘em. They can all burn in hell as far as Dean’s concerned. 

“Fuck off,” he says, rolling his eyes as he shifts his wrists. He’s going to have marks for days, but he thinks that he felt a little slack in the ropes. 

“Why were you here?”

Dean shrugs. It’s hard with what he’s fairly certain is at least a cracked rib, but he manages the gesture well enough. “Vacation spot?” he offers, and once again, with the pithy, knuckle-filled retort from Dumbass. 

He’s been here enough times to know how this goes: Dumb and Dumber will beat him up, knock him around a little bit, maybe even bring out something kinky like the knives or the blowtorch. He’ll wrestle free of the ropes, because in thirty-three years he hasn’t yet found the pair of cuffs or ropes that will hold him. He’ll leave here--a little bloodier and bruised than he was when he entered, but Henchmen 1-3 won’t survive long enough to get their hourly cut. 

Dean’s rate is too high to waste him on low-profile shit like babysitting headquarters, but if he were in their spot he knows what he’d do. You ask once. If you get an answer that you like, fine. If you get an answer that you don’t like, fine. It ends the same--two in the chest, one in the head, wipe the gun and toss it in the river. 

Fucking amateurs. 

So he’ll sit here, and take a beating, because fuck it, what else was he going to do with his Friday night? He does want to know where Cas buggered off to. Not that he was expecting loyalty, but he would have thought that Cas would have stuck around to at least report the details of his death to Michael. 

Thing is, Dean wasn’t supposed to survive his partnership with Cas. No one had previously. Cas killed his last partner (granted, his last partner was a traitor intending on selling the whole organization out) with a cold knife through the throat. No regrets, no qualms. Man he worked with for five years, dead on the floor, and all Cas did was stare at the body for a second before walking away. 

Dean’s heard the other stories--Cas killed his own brothers, Cas burned down Raphael’s whole organization. Cas spent so long on Raphael that when he was done, there wasn’t anything left to identify--just a pink smear on the floor. He doesn’t know how many of the stories that he believes, but he does know something for sure. 

Cas is crazy. 

Not the kind of crazy that they all are, the kind that laughs after an adrenaline rush, the kind that gets a little hard from the pain, the kind that always pushes it just that little bit farther just so you can see if this time’s really it. No, Cas is crazy crazy, batshit crazy, shove a penknife in someone’s eye and laugh crazy. The rabid dog kind of crazy, one of the ones that you have to put down before it turns around and bites you. 

Cas ripped a guy’s throat out with his teeth once. Dean saw it. Hands tied behind his back, dark hair fisted in some meathead’s fingers, and the asshole was just pounding Cas’ face. Cas was laughing, huge belly laughs. His teeth flashed white in the mess of red and then there was--Well. Dean had known the amount of blood that was in a human body, but it was different when most of that blood was dripping down Cas’ chin and throat. 

That was when the first hot, dark curl of something twisted through Dean’s gut. 

He hadn’t been under the impression that he and Cas were really tight, but he’d at least thought that Cas might stick around. Sometimes Cas looks at him, with that heavy, purposeful gaze, the kind that makes Dean wonder whether or not Cas is going to kill him or fuck him, and there should be something that happens, but. Nothing ever does. 

Dean’s head snaps back as another punch lands on his cheek. The skin splits open and blood flows down his face. He can take more. He has taken more. 

“You think that you can last forever?” Mook #2 sneers. Dean doesn’t bother trying to hide the roll of his eyes. 

Out of the corner of his eye, a shadow separates from the rest of the wall. 

Dean lolls his head forward to hide his grin. Blood drips in a steady stream from his nose and mouth onto his lap, but he can’t stop the delighted little squirm in the pit of his stomach. It touches something darker in him, something that he doesn’t look at but out the corner of his eye whenever he catches sight of himself in a mirror. 

“You’re just a hired hand, you’re not family, not--” 

When Dean was younger, back before his entire life went to shit, he saw a tornado touch down one time. Even from a mile away, he could see the cloud of debris tossed up in the wake of the storm. He could smell the violence of it, appreciate the sheer destruction held in something so ephemeral. 

Watching Castiel Novak fight is like watching a storm. Nothing is wasted--not the knife that slices into a hamstring and then a throat, not the gun that fires a clean shot through Mook #1′s throat. Mook #2, realizing his tenuous position, starts to run towards the exit, but Cas doesn’t even let him get three steps before he’s on him. Jesus, Dean’s expecting it, and he doesn’t even catch the moment when Cas shifts from kneeling on the ground to tackling the running man down. 

“We can give you what you want,” the henchman gurgles. His breathing is cut off in no small part to Cas’ hand wrapped unforgiving around his throat. “Whatever you want--information, money? Drugs? I can make sure that you--” 

Cas turns to look at Dean. All of that fearsome focus is narrowed to a single point, to Dean, and yeah, Dean’s a little fucked up. Cas never takes his eyes off of Dean, not when he slides the knife between the man’s ribs, not when he withdraws it to the soundtrack of a slow death rattle. Dean gets a little chub from the sheer disregard that Cas shows the man. Like his life means nothing. The way that Cas stares at him, it’s like Dean’s the only thing on the face of the earth that could ever matter. 

Dean’s no fucking saint. He loves it. 

Cas unfolds, slowly, like a threat. He never speaks as he stalks over to where Dean’s still tied, face like an oncoming storm. Blood drips off the blade of his knife, leaving tiny little spatters in its wake. They’ll have to burn the building down afterward, but jesus, it’s worth it, to watch how Cas’ lip curls in a silent snarl. 

Cas is crazy. Dean fucking loves it. 

“Hey Cas,” he says. The arrogance in his voice is a bad idea, but Dean could no sooner stop that tone than he could fix the synapses that fire wrong in Cas’ brain. “Was wondering when you’d show up.” 

Cas lays the flat of his blade against Dean’s throat, smearing his skin with another’s man’s blood. He presses, just hard enough to almost nick the skin but not quite.

“You’re reckless,” Cas says, his voice honey-whiskey gravel. Jesus, Dean could come from that voice. “Insouciant.” 

Dean leers. “Tell me something that I don’t know. You at least got what we came for, right?” 

Cas’ face is unreadable. The knife slips in his hand, but Cas doesn’t slip. He deliberately moves his wrist, lets the blade cut into Dean’s neck. “I should have left you,” he says. 

The words sound like they’re meant as a warning for Dean, but the tone is wrong. The tone makes it sound like Cas is speaking aloud and working something out for himself. 

A hand shoots out and fists itself in Dean’s hair. “I should have left you,” Cas hisses. Bright pain sparks along Dean’s scalp as he shakes him once, hard. 

Dean’s lips pull back from his teeth in a smile that’s half pain, half sneer. “And you didn’t. Why?”

Thing is, Cas is crazy. He was supposed to kill Dean. Dean knows that the assholes in Michael’s organization were betting on how long he would last--some of them had him lasting a full two weeks, while others put his survival rate at a few hours. Joke’s on them--six months in and Dean’s still alive, still staring at the face of the storm, fearing it. Wanting to taste it. 

If Cas were a normal person, with normal emotions, Dean might be able to read his expressions. But Cas is Cas--looking into his eyes is like peering into the deepest depths of the ocean and hoping that nothing peers back. 

The ropes fall away from Dean’s wrists--when did Cas even move? Without ever taking his eyes off of Cas, Dean bends over to work at the knots around his ankles. Cas stares at him. He has a bloody knife in his hands, his fingers are filthy with the remnants of other people’s lives, and yet there’s something feral and hunted in his posture. 

“Fucking watch yourself Winchester. Next time I won’t come back.” 

Cas stalks away. Within a few steps, he’s blended back into the shadows, like he was never there. Dean stares after him for a minute, until he can calm the rapid beat of his heart. Then, he picks himself up from the chair and rolls out the discomfort in his joints. 

Blood trickles down his neck, intimate as a kiss. 

Physical love is unthinkable without violence. --Milan Kundera

[leepace71]

The Political Avenger: Chris Evans Takes on Trump, Tom Brady, Anxiety and Those Retirement Rumors

Ahead of 'Avengers: Endgame,' the progressive Captain America actor and Twitter firebrand says he's ready to retire his Marvel hero for directing gigs, a new Apple show and the fight against the "dumb s—" president: “I’d be disappointed in myself if I didn’t speak up.”

It's a Friday afternoon in February, and the view from Chris Evans' house in the Hollywood Hills consists mostly of fog. He bought this place for $3.2 million in 2013, back when he was two hit movies into his seven-film stint as Marvel Studios' Captain America; there's a Zen-ish garden inside the front gate, and a stone Buddha sits by the door. Evans banishes his dog, Dodger, to the guest room, shuts off the TV in the family room (CNN on mute), cracks a can of Modelo, and takes a seat on the couch. His arms are insane, as thick as thighs.

Evans has a movie coming out in a few months — an intimate little passion project called Avengers: Endgame (April 26). It's the sequel to last year's Avengers: Infinity War, which raked in $2 billion worldwide and ended with Thanos (Josh Brolin) disintegrating half of Earth's population, including the still-bankable likes of Black Panther and Spider-Man. The moody trailers for Endgame are designed to reveal even less than usual, but it's safe to assume that Captain America rallies Earth's mightiest surviving heroes for a rematch with the mad god who finger-snapped their friends and loved ones into oblivion, which means this will be the first of the four Avengers movies to depict actual avenging.

Evans — who made $15 million for the past two Avengers films, up from $300,000 for his first stint as Captain America — has said he's done playing the character after this. It's been reported that he intends to retire from acting entirely. And yet the announcements of new work keep coming. He's in Rian Johnson's crowded-house murder mystery Knives Out, due in November. He's playing the father of a teenager accused of murder in Apple's forthcoming limited series Defending Jacob. He's in talks to star in Antoine Fuqua's Infinite as a presumably Chris Evans-ish guy who can recall his past lives. It's a crowded dance card for a newly retired 37-year-old actor, and when I bring this up, Evans gets as annoyed as he'll get all afternoon.

"I never said the word 'retire,'" he says. "It's a really obnoxious notion for an actor to say they're going to retire — it's not something you retire from."

All he said — back in 2014, as the end of his obligation to Marvel loomed on the horizon — was that he was hoping to get behind the camera more, and that he'd told one of his CAA agents, "We are turning a corner." Cut to 5,080,000 Google hits for "Chris Evans retiring."

So, for the record: He's not retiring. He'd love to direct more, but the way he talks about it makes it sound more like a five-year plan. He's been looking for a good script, except the problem with good scripts is that they tend to go to great directors, which is not a weight class Evans would put himself in, not yet. He's directed one film, the slight-but-not-embarrassing indie romance Before We Go, which grossed $37,151 in theaters in 2014, or roughly 0.01 percent of what Infinity War made on its opening weekend. When that project is faintly praised in his presence — he also starred in it, opposite Alice Eve — he waves this off, saying it mainly taught him how much he didn't know. "I'm OK with making mistakes," he says, "and I learned a lot from that one."

Once he's done helping Marvel hype Endgame, he's going to take advantage of the security provided by nearly 10 years of huge superhero movies by letting the next phase of his career unfold at a more leisurely pace. "Momentum is a real fallacy, in my opinion," he says. "But it has a really strong hold on a lot of actors' mentalities. You really believe that while the ball's rolling, you gotta keep it rolling. I could be wrong, but to me — I just don't believe in that. I don't think that's real."

I guess we'll find out.

Evans laughs. "My last cover interview."

Here are some things we learned about Chris Evans, from what may or may not be his last cover interview:

He uses the word "pretentious" a lot, usually because he's worried something he's just said sounds pretentious, which it rarely does.

He will talk at length and in detail about himself, and his neuroses, and the conversations he has with himself about his neuroses.

He keeps it closer to the vest about other people. He mentions in passing that Justin Timberlake lives around here — "I think" — without mentioning that Timberlake lives around here with his wife, Jessica Biel, who was once Evans' girlfriend. Nor does he mention his former girlfriend Jenny Slate by name, although he occasionally says things about what it's like to hang out with a bunch of comedians, something he clearly knows because he dated Slate, on and off, for a while. They are off again, per the gossip pages; on Valentine's Day, a few weeks after we meet, Evans will tweet a picture of himself nuzzling Dodger and wish the best to his 10.6 million followers "from this pair of dysfunctional codependents."

When asked how he functions in relationships, he says: "I'm the one who fears being enveloped. I was always a really autonomous guy my whole life. Camping by myself is one of my favorite things. I really like to be with someone who also has their own thing to do as well, you know? If I'm with someone who just kind of adopts my life, that can feel a bit suffocating."

Evans and actress-comedian Jenny Slate, in 2016. At her urging, he read a collection of feminist essays, The Mother of All Questions. "You have to understand that you don’t understand," he says.

When he's not working or camping by himself, you can find Evans camped out on Twitter. He is extremely online in a way that actors who headline ultra-mainstream movie franchises tend not to be; on any given day, you can find @ChrisEvans quoting Idiocracy to mock President Trump's McDonald's buffet for the Clemson Tigers, signal-boosting tweets about gay purges in Chechnya, or addressing Sen. Lindsey Graham as "Smithers."

He worries about doing too much of this sort of thing, about it seeming performative or becoming white noise — Chris Evans, back on his bullshit. He does not worry about saying something online that might inspire MAGA-minded fans to microwave their Captain America action figures. And for what it's worth, he says, "Marvel has never said anything. On the contrary — when I bump into Kevin Feige the first thing out of his mouth is 'Man, I love what you're doing [on Twitter].'"

"I don't see it as trash-talking," says Feige, Marvel's president. "I see it as very astute, very honorable, very noble, very Cap-like. Commentary and questioning. I've said to him, 'You're merging! You and the character are merging!'"

"I’d be disappointed in myself if I didn’t speak up. Especially for fear of some monetary repercussion or career damage — that just feels really gross to me."

Evans campaigned for Hillary Clinton in 2016; and while he has not decided on his 2020 candidate, his crusading use of his platform has made him a real-life superhero to a certain segment of the online #Resistance. Days after we talk, he pops up on Capitol Hill to do some bipartisan grip-and-grins with Senate Democrats Brian Schatz, Chris Coons and Jeff Merkley and Republican Lisa Murkowski. In March, he does the same at the House of Representatives. It turns out he's conducting interviews for A Starting Point, a politics website whose mission is "to create informed, responsible and empathetic citizens." He's a co-founder, along with the actor Mark Kassen and entrepreneur Joe Kiani; the launch date has yet to be announced.

While he's only visiting Congress for now, everyone jokes about him getting a job there someday. There's familial precedent; his uncle is former Massachusetts Representative Mike Capuano (who lost a hard-fought race to Ayanna Pressley, a progressive city councilwoman, in September). For now, Evans feels obligated to do what he can, even if it turns his social media mentions into a garbage fire.

"You don't want to alienate half your audience," says Evans. "But I'd be disappointed in myself if I didn't speak up. Especially for fear of some monetary repercussion or career damage — that just feels really gross to me."

His willingness to call bullshit on anyone abetting the disintegration of our republic extends to his home state's favorite sons. When we talk, Tom Brady is two days away from leading the New England Patriots to a sixth Super Bowl win; when I ask if the chance to play Brady in a biopic would bring him out of non-retirement retirement, he looks grim.

"I don't know," he says. "I really hope he's not a Trump supporter. I'm just hoping he's one of those guys that maybe supported him and now regrets it. Maybe he thought it was going to be different — and even that bothers me — but maybe there's a chance now he just thinks Trump's an absolute dumb shit, which he is. If he doesn't, if he's still on that Trump train, I might have to cut ties. It's really tough."

"I think maybe a couple of years ago," he continues, "I might have tried to pull some, like, mental gymnastics to compartmentalize, but I don't know if I can anymore. So I'm just hoping he's woken up."

Evans has a platform and he's using it. But like a lot of straight white men seeking to consciously and conscientiously navigate a tumultuous moment in the history of straight white male-dom, he's learned that shutting up is important, too. At Slate's urging, he read Rebecca Solnit's The Mother of All Questions, a collection of essays about the insidious side effects of patriarchy, and took away a great deal. "You have to understand that you don't understand," he says. It's not the most action-heroish way to look at things — but that may be the secret of his appeal as a movie star.

"At the root of it, he has true humility," says Robert Downey Jr., who's played Tony Stark against Evans five times. "I think it's the reason he was able to kind of come to the front and be our team leader in the Avengers. I think a lot of his theater experience helped, too. Because it was like, 'OK, I'm going to dress up, I'm going to go out, and I'm going to tell the truth.' It's very kind of old-school Spencer Tracy. Although I guarantee you Spencer Tracy never would've put on that getup."

Unsurprisingly, Evans blows off discussion of his own goodness. "The characters I play do a lot of that heavy lifting. If people knew me — I'm just an asshole."

He seems a little uncomfortable. I change the subject by asking him to tell me what happens at the end of Avengers: Endgame. Evans laughs. "Yeah," he says. "I wish I could. Uh, it's — I mean — it's a good one. It's a real good one. I saw, like, the first hour of it."

So you watched it up to the point where Cap dies?

"Right, exactly," Evans says. "After I die by Tony's hand, I just said, You know what? I can't watch this."

I should make it clear that this is a joke, even if it feels like the kind of joke that could turn out to be true. "I can't believe they even cut together a trailer," he says, "because so much of it is a visual spoiler. You'll see. A lot of the characters have"—

He stops, covering his mouth.

"Probably shouldn't have even said that," he says.

READ REST HERE...

[chaoticneutralchocolate]

Narumitsu Week Day 2: Feelings

Chapter 2 is coming! A bit of angst today, but it’ll get better. You can read and follow my take on this prompts in AO3 too here. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Feelings

If somebody approached Phoenix Wright those last few months and asked him what he thought was the most difficult thing he’s ever tried to do, he would say ―without a doubt―  it is to forget.

Well, actually, to forgot purposely. As we all know, it’s really easy to forget something when you really don’t want to ―or, in some cases, when you really really shouldn’t―.  Phoenix, for example, had found himself many times in his kitchen without knowing why he got there in the first place. He had also forgotten dates, birthdays or exams, but he really didn’t mean to!

And that’s the magic of the human mind. It’s really easy to forget silly things like names, dates, places or even duties. But, when there is an emotional string attached to it, you can’t simply do it. That’s how your brain works, even when the memory you are trying to suppress is a painful one.

Given all that, when he was trying actively to forget the most, he was simply unable to.

So, he needed to find his own ―and new― coping mechanising, since forgetting didn’t seem to be an actual choice. Usually, drawing would be the easiest way to go to cope. But drawing had betrayed him long ago. He would carefully plan a piece and, in the end, Phoenix would surprise himself sketching his childhood friend once again.

Many times, Phoenix wondered how his friend would look like now, after all this time. He used to be really skinny with bright pale skin, sometimes people would get scandalized and hurried to ask him if he was sick. Phoenix didn’t like those memories, so he changed his imaginary older friend. In his sketches, the light skin persisted but Phoenix decided to make him a bit bulkier. What he didn’t know was that he fell a bit short about his bulkiness predictions.

Other days, Phoenix wondered if he had kept his bangs. People use to change their hairstyles as they get older ―not him, his spiky spikes were completely out of control―, but he wanted to believe that his friend had kept his bangs. They suited him. And yet, sometimes, his imagination would get a bit wild and surprise Phoenix with a picture of his now adult friend with long hair tied in a curly ponytail. Phoenix wasn’t even sure if he had curly hair or not ―it was, actually, wavy.

And that’s exactly why he needed a new coping mechanism. He would stare for hours looking at those sketches that were barely an idea, a concept, a ghost of his friend. But they were all he had of him right now. He didn’t have an address or a phone number. Nada.

Yes, they had found a way to communicate by radio, but he had to stop that. Months ago, actually. The longing had become unbearable. What kind of human relationship was that?

If you get a call, you get a voice to remember.

If you get a letter, you get a piece of paper to hold onto.

Those weren’t real alternatives to the real thing. Ok, that’s fine, he wasn’t getting a real relationship but, why he had to live without a little piece of his friend? Those radio messages weren’t even recorded! He had to write a goddamn letter and pray for it to be read out loud, and then to get a response weeks later. But not an actual response. Phoenix wanted to hear him once again. Just once. Please.  Please.

But he couldn’t. Why bother sending a message if you would only get a half-baked answer? And he even had to cope with that silly radio hostess! A part of him knew she meant no bad, but those moments felt to intimate for him, he didn’t want to hear her speculations about his relationship ―she made the wild guess that Red and Blue were two stray dogs who lived in the same animal shelter but ended with different families―.

 No, it was better if he forgot ―heh, forgot― about the radio. Time to find a new coping mechanism isn’t it?. It had been a rough day and he shouldn’t be staring at those drawings any longer. Phoenix put them back on his place and grabbed his phone, ready to find some way to distract himself for a bit. Bold move, his stupid ass had set a picture of them as the background late last night during his not-so-unusual grape juice ―ahem― lonely parties.

 He stared at the picture, unaware of the tears that started flowing down his cheeks. He got the picture from Larry last evening and he barely remembered if he had really examined it. Phoenix was that stupid sometimes. Gets a text. Doesn’t like the text. Drunks himself to sleep. Forgets the text. Checks phone by the morning aaaaaaand the text is still there waiting for you. Story of his recent life but, this time, with a picture.

 He saw Larry, him and himself when they were barely nine, laughing in what looked like their old classroom. The picture was old with low quality for today standards but, if you checked closely, you could see that the three of them were covered in paint. Not completely covered, actually, then you would be able to notice the stains without looking closely.

 Phoenix chuckled a bit, this time remembering.

 As usual, it was Larry’s fault. He didn’t remember all the details ―all those efforts at forgetting paid off in the worst way, he came to realise― but they had some Art assignment and Larry put his whole right foot on the pink paint bucket that they had left behind the canvas. First, their teacher approached them and scolded them. “Do you really think that was the right place to leave an open bucked?” she said, more or less. She couldn’t complete her scolding because they started laughing. He wasn’t sure about why. Did her teacher get pink paint on her hair? Was Larry’s foot still stuck inside the bucket? Had they made an even better assignment by covering their picture with pink stains? He didn’t know, but he remembered fondly.

 Phoenix’s eyes were red, contrasting his blissful smile. Yes, it was a stupid photo. But it was something. An anchor that he didn’t have to complete with illusions.

 He didn’t change his phone background picture.

 He already had a new and healthy coping mechanism.

[rwbyconversations]

Why I think some fans don’t like Ruby

A good protagonist can make or break a story. You can have an incredibly detailed world and setting, fill it with the most fascinating lore and and have an encyclopedia’s worth of information on every street, but if the person you’re following in that world is uninteresting or just dull, the audience will never let that slide. Watch Dogs is a competent game but Aiden Pearce is such a dull scumbag that it taints the entire setting. Echo from Dollhouse was perhaps the dullest character in the main roster, making the show more interesting when she wasn’t around as it gave the much more varied supporting cast a chance to shine.

This is unfortunately a problem that people have with RWBY’s Ruby Rose as well. Ruby is a do-gooder with aspirations to become a Huntress and help people and that’s basically it in terms of explicit character growth. For a variety of reasons over the past two years since Volume 4, Ruby has become a far more divisive character than was ever intended. With Volume 6 now on the horizon, I’ve decided to look into our inarguable main protagonist and to answer the question of why I think some people don’t like Ruby. 

(also before anyone jumps down my throat I don’t hate Ruby, I think she’s a weak character but I don’t want her removed from the show. Also, yes, she is the protagonist, we’re not having this conversation)

1) Ruby’s development in Volumes 4 and 5 is lackluster at best and actively shunted at worst

To be quite blunt, Ruby’s not interesting in her current form and she hasn’t truthfully been since Volume 3′s conclusion. Ruby started out as a fine character, with some good early development from Ozpin about what it means to be a leader, development which had a payoff when Ruby then shared this lesson with Jaune during the Jaundice episodes. “We have to put our teammates first and ourselves second.” Back then Ruby also had several more facets to her personality- she was a naive child brought to Beacon two years early and a lot of her dynamics, especially with Weiss in particular, reflect this in the early volumes. Volume 1 also gives Ruby her overly romanticized view of Huntsmen and Huntresses, further emphasizing her naivety regarding the wider world which is challenged multiple times in the first three volumes- most notably with Roman’s “The real world is cold!” speech in Heroes and Monsters. 

Volume 3 set out to tear those perceptions down, as Ruby bears witness to some horrifying actions in the back half of the Volume- Penny’s dismemberment, Grimm swarming Vale, Roman being eaten alive and Pyrrha being shot and incinerated right in front of her. Ruby breaks from this, Volume 4 was touted as a recovery volume. And yet Ruby’s development is a phantom for Volumes 4 and 5. She puts on a bright smile and other than a few nightmares which exist for very little reason- especially since RTX 2017 confirmed that Ruby was having dreams about Pyrrha because she overheard Jaune’s night-training and not because of other circumstances- Ruby doesn’t ever confront the trauma she faced like Yang and Blake did over their arcs in Volume 4. The one time she tries taking responsibility in the back half of the volume... Jaune shuts her down, literally cutting her off so he can tell her she’s inspiring, which she agrees with blindly, her inner conflict having been forgotten and blown away like leaves falling off a tree in October. 

You know I mentioned this in my Jaune post but it bears repeating that the one time Ruby really tries to get development this season, Jaune literally steals the spotlight and tells the audience, rather than shows us, how far Ruby’s come

Most of the other RWBY girls get scenes on their own during Volume 4- in fact, the other three members all have moments of solitude in their first episodes. It shows how the Fall of Beacon has separated them and scattered them across the world. Ruby gets no such moment of isolation. Ruby not having this doesn’t give her character any moments where she has to confront the events at Beacon, and that lack of isolation or ability to reflect harms her. The one time her facade breaks away in Volume 4, Jaune swoops in to prevent her from having a realization and the problem is smoothed away like it never happened.This also has an adverse effect on our ability to sympathize with Ruby- her not blaming herself despite Jaune’s act of kindness makes it difficult to identify with her struggles and any growth she might have experienced.

I think that half of Ruby’s dialogue in all of Volume 4 comes from her reading her letter to Yang in the finale is a fairly harrowing example of where Ruby’s focus is not going. 

Volume 5 did take a step towards addressing this by having Oscar ask Ruby how she remains so cheerful- a scene I firmly believe should have happened a year earlier with Jaune instead of handing it off to the farmboy who never before or after this scene addresses the stresses of the shadow war with Salem. The scene is fairly obviously damage control for Ruby’s lack of reaction to Volume 3 but this scene has no payoff. Ruby just admits she’s sad, we get a traditional hero speech about moving forward and then the status quo resets for Ruby’s next adventure in sitting around a house.

To cut this rant short, Volumes 4 and 5 do very little with Ruby and the opportunity for development that the Fall of Beacon presented. Rather than having a hopeful naive child face reality, something Roman was trying to do with his dying words, Ruby just backtracks and almost flanderizes into this upbeat chipmunk who spews out inspirational speeches. Ruby’s never allowed to grow in 4 or 5 and her character stagnates as a consequence. A pivotal moment for Ruby should have been her confrontation with Cinder at Haven (something I’ve written about before) and seeing Weiss get stabbed, but Cinder refuses to acknowledge her for the entire battle and she’s unconscious when Weiss drops. Two moments that should have defined her character... and Ruby sidesteps both of them and the challenges therein. 

If I may repeat myself, half of Ruby’s dialogue in V4 comes from her letter to Yang in the finale. Half of her dialogue is in the finale of the season. If that doesn’t speak about bad agency and character handling I’m afraid I don’t know what does. 

And all of this leads us into...

2) Ask about the eyes! (or: Ruby’s lack of agency)

I’m sure if you’ve been a part of the fandom you’ve heard this a thousand times, so I’ll keep this quick:

Ruby’s eyes are supposedly the key to stopping the Grimm and the only reason Cinder was defeated at the end of Volume 3, and will almost certainly play a role in fighting Salem. Despite knowing about them thanks to Qrow and spending a significant amount of time with Qrow and Ozpin, people who knew her mother (a fellow Silver Eyed Warrior) intimately well, Ruby never asks about the eyes during the month she spends with Ozpin and Qrow in the Mistral House. There’s no logical reason in or out of the narrative for her to not immediately ask about this when she reached the house and when the eyes manifest again in the Battle of Haven, no fuss is made about them and they don’t get acknowledged for the rest of the volume.

... OK that was relatively quick. But put bluntly, Ruby not asking about her eyes or Summer has crippled her development. Summer’s death would be an almost childishly simple way to give Ruby a personal stake in the fight against Salem, since it’s all but been confirmed (”We’ve dealt with their kind before”) that Summer was slain by a member of Salem’s cabal. It speaks poorly about Ruby’s priority levels and the agency of herself, Ozcar and Qrow that Ruby never stops to ask either of them about the eyes and instead decides to ask Ozpin if his cane is the Beacon Relic. 

There is however a meta out of universe reason, in that Miles and Kerry aren’t ready to ask about the eyes yet. In my post about why the birds twist failed to land, I mentioned this as an aside that Miles and Kerry have a particular fondness for cliffhangers and plot twists, and while this works sometimes, it means that it can take a fair while for them to answer questions that would otherwise spoil their little tricks and twists in advance. Ruby asking about the eyes would ruin whatever twist is tied to them- be it that they steal life energy or have the risk of blinding her- so she... doesn’t. And there isn’t even a throwaway line about her referencing the existence of her Silver Eyes. 

If V4 or 5 had just had a scene of Ruby about to fight a Grimm like say, the Geist and trying to manifest them or just having a scene where she explains she’s trying to activate the powers, it would at least show initiative on her part- she would be at least trying to activate her powers since she knows they pose a threat to the Grimm and Cinder. But she doesn’t. In fact, Ruby herself never even says the word “silver” after Volume 3. At this point any explanation of the Silver Eyes is going to feel... almost too little too late. It wouldn’t feel natural anymore, since the information was held back because it would make for a better twist or some nonsense. 

3) The Squeak

I mean no offense to Lindsay Jones, she’s a capable actress and by all accounts an all-around good person. I love Kimball from Red vs Blue and Lindsays’ other appearances for Rooster Teeth have proven she has great comedic timing and dramatic chops. But that said... Ruby’s voice was awful in Volume 5.

Lindsay has always been on the record as disliking how Ruby sounded in Volume 1- too much like herself, far too old sounding for a 15 year old girl, to the point where she’d like to go back and re-dub Volume 1. I get that, especially hating how your voice sounds since I work in radio and I know that pain, and I think how Lindsay evolved the voice over Volumes 2 and 3 was a great place to keep Ruby’s voice until she grew up and went back to the Volume 1 voice. The problem is that in the above video, Lindsay evidently never stopped upping the pitch. Ruby now sounds almost like a caricature of herself and one that steadily worsens each passing volume- I’ve made my dislike of “This is my fight too!” plain as day on various occasions on Discord. I don’t want to harp too much on this, like I said I deeply respect Lindsay’s other work, but this is a list of why the fandom is cold on Ruby and unfortunately for Miss Jones... her voice is one of those reasons, however petty it may seem. If you do ever read this Lindsay:

(still gotta support Lindsay for being the only person in RT at the moment who seems to want Ruby to have a breaking point because moooooooooooooood)

4) Decreasing skill levels

More than any other character, Ruby was the one most hit on a fighting-level by Monty’s passing. In hindsight having a weapon such as a scythe was going to spell trouble for Ruby’s fight scenes- scythes are hilariously impractical weapons in real life and aren’t made for fighting. There’s a reason most farmers didn’t bring their scythes with them when they went to war and were taught the spear.

With Monty, Ruby was still given flashy choreography and her scythe’s recoil was used to make it slightly more practical in a straight fight. In the opening to Ruby vs Neo and the Red Trailer she looks lethal with the thing. 

The problem lies in how Ruby’s skills have waned since then, thanks to not only the general nerf everyone took across the board, but Ruby’s scythe took in particular. Ruby’s only seriously used her scythe once, in the V4 Character Short. Otherwise, she hasn’t gotten to cut loose in the show since then, meaning Ruby’s been reduced to running around and sniping or doing... this...

You thought I was done bitching about the weapon spinning but joke’s on you, I’m never done bitching about the weapon spinning

This has been Ruby’s fights for the past two years. In a show that prides itself on fights, Ruby’s last good fight being more than two volumes ago paints a poor picture in the eyes of many, especially in light of the Death Battle team admitting that they can’t have Ruby fight Maka from Soul Eater until Ruby gets a few more feats to be judged by (which still reads to me like “we need Ruby to do some more bullshit feats so we can BS a win for her” after the whole Yang/Tifa debacle). This also ties in with Ruby’s lack of activity in the Battle of Haven- it’s Raven, a low-rent villain, who gets the standout fight in the volume, while Ruby’s left headbutting Mercury. The protagonist of the show is left with little of the agency.

And speaking of Mercury...

5) The hand to hand “plot”

Like the Silver Eyes part I’ll keep this quick- Ruby’s hand to hand weakness, while set up in Volumes 1 and 2, still comes out of nowhere as a random flaw for her to overcome this volume and feels like a poor attempt to give her something to do during Volume 5. Her headbutting Mercury required Merc to take a massive dive in intelligence and skill, and ultimately was her only significant moment in the Haven Battle outside of getting smacked over the head. The worst part of this “arc” to me is how no one else gets anything from it- you could genuinely make an arc of each member of RNJR teaching Oscar something (Ren with Aura and CQC, Nora with strength training, Ruby with weapon repairs, etc). Why not tie in the conversation about Semblances by having Ruby train to use her speed semblance in close quarters? With her speed, Ruby would be nearly impossible to dodge in a fist-fight, or she could engage in lighting fast strikes while withdrawing before the opponent and counter.

Also while I’m offering suggestions, let me point one thing out. Ruby has a lot of leg strength. Like, a lot. Why not skip teaching her to use her hands and train Ruby in kickboxing or another leg-based martial art? Yang already has the punchy-punch category fairly locked down, so giving Ruby a kick-based style would make for more dramatic fights in future.

It would certainly have been more dynamic than this abomination that I am loathe to call “the conclusion of an arc.” 

In conclusion, Ruby as a protagonist is... flawed. She’s a character I want to like more than I do, the simple soul who knows the world is cold and dark but aspires to change it herself. But various conflicts hold her character back, most primarily the writing team’s own refusal to let her have agency by making her refuse to acknowledge her special powers or her dead mother. Add in lackluster performances fighting wise and an absolute slog of a “training arc,” and Ruby fails to stand out. Volume 5 reached the point where Ruby was an absolute blank slate of a character, content to make bland speeches about companionship at the pitch of a chipmunk addicted to helium while the mystery of her dead mother and special heritage practically slapped her in the face.

I am very much aware that over the Volume 5 hiatus, much has been said about Ruby and her lack of growth/dive in popularity. Hell I’m even linking to some at the bottom of the post as recommendations for further elaboration on my points and alternate perspectives. I know I’m at a well that has been well and truly dried of content. But with Volume 6 on the horizon I think it’s worth keeping Ruby’s agency/lack thereof in mind with the premiere looming. Ruby is a problem that the show does need to fix, especially after Volume 5 and the numerous story opportunities that were presented and never followed up on for Ruby- Weiss’s stabbing, Cinder’s return, Summer, etc. Her big character moment in the back half of Volume 5? Saying “I’m angry.” They really did pick the perfect character moment for Ruby.

Ruby has been said to take a more direct role in Volume 6, and Lindsay has implied that Ruby will finally have her breaking point this volume. If this turns out to be the case, I genuinely look forward to see Ruby regaining the charm that made her likable in the original volumes. But if all the talk about Ruby getting more focus turns out to just be hot air or fails to fix any of the cracks in her character that have been present for two volumes in a row now? I’ll be tragically disappointed, partly at the show and mostly for myself in jumping the gun in writing this. I want Ruby to be more than a glorified cheerleader in her own damn show. She’s what got people hyped back with the Red trailer. Let her be that heroine again Rooster Teeth. Ruby inspires people in the show, now let’s see her inspire hope in the fans.

Thank you for reading. 

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