#just like how we all look at the same moon regardless of the distance we are separated by

[planetaryaether]

'The Land is Inhospitable and so are We' Songs As Blackrock Moments

(featuring my 24-hour Mitski Lockdown for the album's release)

Bug Like an Angel - Ravs being left alone after season 2. He is broken and alone left to think about everything he has done in his life and how it has led him to that very moment. All that is left is regret and the smell of (squid-based) alcohol.

Buffalo Replaced - Season 3 Rythian letting go of his pursuit of revenge. Like the conservation efforts of Buffalo after their near extinction, Rythian too has begun to heal from the damage that brought him to the brink. Things will never be as they were, but modernity & nature, science & magic can co-exist.

Heaven - Zoey and Rythian's relationship in season 1. Even as they are in love with each other, Zoey defines herself too much in who she is compared to Rythian. This sidelining of her own identity comes to a head when their relationship is shattered by the reveal of BARRY. But until then, they can live in bliss.

I Don't Like My Mind - Rythian's whole arc in season 2, follows a self-destructive path over and over again knowing how much it is hurting him but unable to stop himself because he doesn't know how to live without it. The very thing that is keeping him alive is what is killing him.

The Deal - The Princess initiating her ritual. She cannot deal with the pain of losing her parents and the hit to her ego it represents so she seels her emotions away in the pursuit of magic, the very act that damns her to her fate. Shutting down her emotions may have kept her from feeling worse but it only trapped her in the pain of the moment forever.

When Memories Snow - Zoey losing her autonomy in season 2. She is trapped between her past and her future. It doesn't matter how hard she tries to move forward with her life, she is haunted by the memories of the past, pulled towards the fond memories even as the thoughts are tied to painful moments as well. In the present, she is trapped by her past decisions, smothered by burnout she must figure out which life she should pursue: the one that hurt her in the past or the one actively destroying her now.

My Love Mine All Mine - Rythian trying to repair his relationship with Zoey after she returns in season 2. Rythian is desperately trying to do what he can to share his love for her, but you cannot control if someone accepts your love, so Rythian is left hoping that his love can stretch beyond the pain he has caused, beyond the version of him that is dead and gone.

The Frost - Teep, alone in his have, believes he is the only survivor of the old world. Teep, by his nature, is always alone in some way. There are no others of his kind and with the destruction of the old world, the only community he was ever welcome in is gone and he is left to dwell on the thought that this may be it, that he may be alone forever.

Star - Duncan, thinking back to his relationship with Rythian in the old world, how they can never go back to how things were but even in knowing that, he cannot give up on their friendship. Rythian's actions scare him because he cannot fix the harm he has caused, but he wants things to be better. In pretending things are okay, he is trying to extend an olive branch, that he still values their relationship and wants it to continue as it was, even when that possibility is long gone. At least their friendship is preserved in their memories and how they changed each other for the better, before the end.

I'm Your Man - Zoey, after returning, thinking about the harm she has caused. She cannot accept that Rythian has forgiven her so she crushes herself in loathing and self-hatred. She refuses to see the love in front of her because she cannot let herself believe that she deserves it. Zoey minimizes herself to her mistakes. living only to fix them even when attempting to do so only causes more damage to herself.

I Love Me After You - Post series Zoey. After finally processing her emotions about the old world, her memories, and the nuke, Zoey is able to fully come into herself, confident and vibrant. She has become who she always wanted to be by embracing who she was the entire time.

[atinystraynstay]

Give You The Best Years - Han Jisung

Synopsis: If there was one thing that Han couldn't stand, it was watching you throw away your potential. He believed you deserved everything and so much more, and he wanted to be the one that gives it to you. After being silent for so long, he wasn't going to waste another moment.

Pairing: non-idol! Han Jisung x reader

Genre: Angst - Han watching you be in love with someone else, childhood friends to lovers, proposal

Word Count: 2.9k

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It was a typical Saturday night for your friend group. You were doing some barhopping in the neighborhood, meeting up after work to forget about all about the stresses. The only difference tonight was that you decided to invite your significant other.

You've introduced him to your friends who all seem to love him. You didn't see it as a big deal, but to Han, it was making his skin itch. Why were you so insistent on bringing him around? It was supposed to be friends hanging out, not friends and their partners.

At the moment, Han was watching the two of you. Your partner had their arm around your waist, his hand slipped into the back pocket of your denim jeans. You had your head on his shoulder as you two were both up at the bar, getting another round of drinks.

"Uh oh, Han's getting jealousy," Lee Know commented.

Han snapped his head over towards his best friend, eyes glaring. "I am not," he pouted.

"Han, we've been friends for like what? 10 years now? I think we all know when you're lying," Chan said, a hand resting on his shoulder. "I just don't get what y/n sees in him!"

It was no secret to his friend group that Han had feelings for you. Well, it wasn't a secret to everyone besides you. You seem to have always viewed Han as your best friend, your ride or die. The two of you have been inseparable since graduating high school together. Regardless if you lived close or far away, you two kept each other in the loop on everything.

When you got the opportunity to move to Korea for a job, Han was over the moon. He never considered long distance before, which is why he never asked you out before. But if you were going to be living in the same country at least, it was a sign that now would be a chance.

Little did Han know you were bringing along a boy with you. To say he was hurt that you never talked about this mystery guy before would be an understatement. He thought you guys were best friends. Why keep him such a secret? It was later revealed that you were actually moving to Korea to be with this guy who got a transfer to a position in Seoul. You found a job so you could continue seeing him.

Of course, Han was also happy to have you closer to him. He just wished it was under different circumstances.

Why couldn't you have chosen to move to Korea to be closer to the people that love you? To be with him? Not some random guy you met who knows where.

A sharp elbow to the side brought Han back to reactive. He opened his mouth to shout but Felix quickly nodded his head over towards you and your partner walking back to the group. He ran a hand through his hair before putting on his signature smile. Play it cool.

It broke his heart to see how you smiled at your boyfriend. That should be me. Your boyfriend set our drinks down as you slid your purse off from around your body.

"Baby, can you watch my stuff? I want to run to the bathroom." I could watch her belongings a lot better than him. "Of course I can. Hurry back," he chuckled.

You also laughed before leaning down, pressing yet another lingering kiss against his cheek. Oh god, I think I'm going to be sick.

Han and your boyfriend's eyes watched as you turned and walked away towards the back of the bar. Han, on the other hand, quickly looked away before your boyfriend noticed. While he wanted to prove that he was the better option for you, he didn't want to ruin the evening.

Once you were out of sight, your boyfriend turned towards the group. He wore a wide grin on his lips. It made Han apprehensive. Something was going on, and Han didn't like it. "Can I get your opinion on something? Y'all know y/n the best. I just wanna know if this is a good idea or not," he began.

Even though there was music pumping in the club, the world fell silent. All eyes were on your boyfriend as he sat up, reaching for something in his pocket. Changbin and Chris glanced at Han every now and then, trying to gauge his reaction. Yet. nobody could have prepared them for what was going to happen.

Your boyfriend pulled out a black velvet box. Slowly opening it, he revealed a gorgeous diamond ring with a silver band. Han's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and shattered into a million pieces.

"Do you think y/n will like it? I can go exchange it for a different ring," your boyfriend explained.

Han's world was coming to a halt. He didn't know how to feel or what to even think. It was as if you were slipping through his fingers. He felt lightheaded as a cold shiver ran down his spine. "I think she's going to love it," Chris admitted.

Han wanted to snap his head over at his friend. Has Chris lost his mind? All the guys began to nod in agreement. They all seemed to be at a loss for words as well. Your boyfriend was nervously biting his lip, both because of the subtle announcement but also wanting to get approval from your closest friends. Especially Han.

"Han?" Your boyfriend called out. "Mate, is this good for her? I don't want to mess this up."

Forcing a smile, he nodded his head. "Oh yeah, I um think she's going to love it." And you will. It looked exactly like the wedding rings you used to cut out from magazines for your vision boards. It just pained him that it wasn't coming from him, it was going to be an engagement from something else.

Now satisfied, your boyfriend or I guess soon-to-be-fiancé slipped the engagement ring back into his jeans pocket. He didn't want to risk even you getting a hint of what was to come. "Thanks guys! I think I'm going to ask her next week. I'm still working out the details, but figured you should be the first to know."

This was it. This was how Han was going to die. He was going to fall victim to death by a broken heart.

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It's been a week since your boyfriend dropped the bombshell. Every day, Han waited in anxiety for when you'd FaceTime him to share the good news. Or at least, it was good news for you.

He was currently laying in his bedroom. The boys have been trying desperately to get Han to leave his bedroom. Yet, he refused. He didn't want to be active in a. world where the chance of you two getting together was non-existent. He wasted so much time trying to wait for the perfect moment to confess his feelings to you that he ran out of time. He was beating himself up about it.

His gaze was fixated on the ceiling as he held a pillow close to his chest. The reality of the circumstances was setting into his soul. He felt like he was being suffocated. His mind kept replaying all the potential moments where he could have spoken up.

He lifted the pillow up to his face. He let out a loud scream into the material before tossing the pillow towards the foot of his bed.

Ding dong

Normally, Han didn't pay much to the doorbell downstairs. There was always a constant flow of people coming in and out of the house, especially since 8 boys called it home. It normally was just food delivery or a mutual friend stopping up to say hi. The main person who always came to visit him was you. But he anticipated those vitiations coming to a halt soon.

He heard footsteps going down the staircase. The familiar screech of the old hinges sounded, even heard from Han's bedroom.

"Oh hey y/n," Minho said. Almost louder than usual so Han overheard. And he surely heard because he basically shot out of bed at the announcement of your arrival.

"Minho, is he here?" You asked.

Before Minho could answer, Han was halfway through his bedroom door. He tried his best to be calm and collected, but he couldn't. He always was excited about your visits, and he never liked to keep you waiting. Even though he was sure this might be one of the lasts, he didn't want to let him sulking stand in the way of spending one-on-one time with him.

"Speak of the devil," Minho teased as he heard movement from behind him. He stepped out of the way so Han could get to you. He was about to make his way back up the staircase, but didn't miss the opportunity to squeeze Han's shoulder comfortingly. Minho would be there the moment Han needed him, whether this was a good interaction or not. For now, he needed to notify the boys that Han had actually emerged from his room.

Being alone, Han swallowed the lump in his throat before turning towards you. He took a moment to take you in. You wear wearing baggy ripped jeans. You had on a purple sweater with the sleeves that nearly covered your entire hand. God, he was going to miss seeing you.

"Did you know?"

His eyes widened slightly by the tone of your voice. It didn't carry its usual cheerful tone. You were staring at him without a smile on his face. Between you and Felix, there was always competition who carried the title of sunshine. To Han, you won every time. Yet, this time, he didn't see happiness. He almost saw worry, concern, a bit of frustration.

He stepped aside to let you in. You walked into the house, making a direct path towards the kitchen. Han closed the door, seeing movement also from the top of the staircase. All the boys were gathered, watching in anticipation of what was going to happen. Han tried gesturing for them to get away, but he couldn't focus on his best friends eavesdropping. He needed to stay on your trail.

When he arrived in the kitchen, he saw you pacing back and forth. Hell, you looked more in distress than he has been the past couple of days. "He bought a ring, Jisung," you whispered. Your hands rested on the kitchen island, staring across at him. You bit your lip. Seeing you so loss for words was unlike you. Honestly, Han was worried.

"Oh yeah," Han murmured. One hand slid into the pocket of his sweatpants, the other rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "He showed the guys and I last week," he confessed. "So you did know?" "Yeah," he said lowly. "I'm taking it he asked you."

You were quick to shake your head. "Um no, not quite," you explained. "I found it in our dresser drawer. I was trying to find a pair of socks when I found it tucked away in the corner. That was when I found a letter from one of his ex girlfriends folded up."

Han stood up at attention, confused by your revealing news. What? Why would he keep a letter from his ex girlfriend when he seemed so into you? Han found it a bit odd, and from your body language and your re-telling, it seemed like you did.

"I know I shouldn't have read it, but I did. Han, he seems to still really love her. The letter is new too. It was dated two weeks ago, almost as if she confessed before the new year," you groaned. "I feel like he's waiting to see if I say yes or no before deciding if he wants to go back to her," you said sadly.

Han frowned. He never liked when you viewed yourself poorly. Let alone when someone makes you believe you are less than your worth. To him, you are the whole universe. His anger was also slightly boiling for you, not at you. It wasn't your fault your boyfriend wasn't more careful. He also felt irritated because your boyfriend acted like he worshipped the ground you walked on. How could even consider someone better than you?

"What do you wanna do?" "That's the thing I don't know," you confessed. Han furrowed an eyebrow. He believed there was an obvious choice here. Leave.

"What if this is my only chance at love, you know? I know he does care about me." Are we sure about that? "And I always envisioned I'd be married by now. Hell, we know so many people who are engaged, married, and have kids. What if this is supposed to be my person?"

Slowly, Han began approaching you. This was his moment, the one he's been waiting for. It wasn't under the most romantic circumstances like he desired, but it was now or never.

"Han, I'm tired of the short-lived romances. I'm tired of giving my all to someone where the spark between us fizzles out because I choose my mind over my heart." "Why do you have to choose one or the other. Y/n, sweet girl, you should be with someone who satisfies your mentally, emotionally, and even physically." "But what if that person doesn't exist?" You whined.

Enough was enough. Han presented himself to you. Very gently, he cupped your cheeks with his large hands. His thumbs caressed your cheekbones affectionately as he gazed down at you. "I'd like to think I could do a pretty good job," he chuckled lightly. He tried his best to control his body trembling from his nerves. But if he didn't confess now, he never would.

If he had the chance to try to win you over, he had to take it. "What are you saying?" You whispered. "You're my best friend. Of course, you satisfy me in all those ways, but we're friends, aren't we?"

He smiled reassuringly down at you. God, you were so precious. "Of course we are, best friends. The very best of friends," he reaffirmed. "But, it seems like I have fallen in love with my best friend."

The truth was out. No turning back.

Your eyes widened. Did you hear him correctly? "Han," you started by he immediately shushed you. "No, y/n. I'm tired of not admitting it. I've been in love with you for quite a while. I mean, they always talk about some of the greatest love stories that come to be from best friends dating, realizing they care for one another on a deeper level. You're my person, honey." "You're my person too," you confessed. "But you can't just say this to me and not mean it," you frowned.

Han moved his face in toward yours. His forehead rested against yours as he gazed down at you. His lips ghosting over yours. You tilted your head into his warm touch, looking up at him with curiosity and endearment. God, how could he wait this long? "I was the damn fool that waited until it was too late," he whispered. His hot breath hit your lips, causing shivers to run down your spine. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly at your response. One hand slid off of your face to hold your hips, keeping you close to him. "By no means am I proposing one of those friendship marriage pacts. I want us to experience the highs and lows together as we navigate life. I want things to stay the same, but I also want to be able to kiss you when I want, and take you out on dates. I want the title of being yours exclusively."

Feeling just as bold, you tilted your head slightly up towards his. Your lips grazed against his which caused him to shutter this time. You couldn't help but giggle seeing the reaction you pulled out of him. "What are you waiting for then?"

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You and Han ran out of the courthouse, hand in hand. Your giggles filled the professional building, but the two of you didn't care. He had rented a tuxedo last minute whereas you were able to find a white outfit at a thrift store around the corner.

It was a no-brainer to marry your best friend. You didn't need the diamond ring, nor the big ceremony with the larger-than-life reception. All you needed was Han Jisung, and he needed you.

As you exited the courthouse, you stepped out as united duo. Mr. & Mrs. Jisung.

"Wait a minute," Han announced. You stood near the top of the stairs leading to the county building. You turned towards him as he looked at you with a serious expression. "What are we doing? This is silly."

Your jaw dropped at his response. He couldn't be serious. There is no way you two would have rushed around town to get everything together last minute for him to now second-guess himself. Not when the marriage license was already signed, the ink drying.

As you were about to question him, he tugged on your hand and pulled you in gently. You gasped in surprise, crashing softly into his chest. His arm wrapped around you, stabilizing you. His other hand found itself on your cheek. A habit of his now.

"We don't need to rush. we have all the time in the world," he breathed out. "Mrs. Han Jisung, you are all mine now. Can't get rid of me."

You rolled his eyes at his antics but couldn't help but giggle. He was right. You two had the best years to come, as husband and wife.

[firelordsfirelady]

XVI. Prisoner Heist

Author: @firelordsfirelady

Imagine: When Y/N—a princess of one of the Water Tribes—is told she’s leaving her tribe, she never expects that she’s to be betrothed to the Fire Lord’s son, nor was she prepared to be exiled the very day she arrived at the Fire Nation. With her life in the hands of her new fiancée, how will life change for the princess? 

Pairing: Zuko x F!Reader

Trigger warnings: arranged marriage, feelings of fear, banishment, mentions of burns/abuse, frustration, violence, betrayal

Word Count: 2054

Destined to be Yin and Yang 

I own no rights to Avatar the Last Airbender or any of the characters/story. 

Author’s Notes

The characters as all aged up so Zuko’s banishment happens when he’s 16 

Keep in mind I am bringing a unique world with inspiration from ATLA in their characters, some of the events that happen, bending, etc. Not many things may align or occur with what happened in the show. It’s intended that way, so I hope you enjoy it regardless.

See Y/N’s inspiration here. 

Destined to be Yin and Yang Soundtrack (YouTube)

With the light of the moon guiding me through the shadows of the city, I snuck my way outside of the palace’s walls where a lonely guard stood on alert. Knocking her out with a rear naked chokehold, I drug the body into a nearby shed before I stripped her of her Earthbender armor and tied her to a wooden post in the room. Putting on the uniform, I quietly made my way back to the unconscious guard’s post before walking towards the front gates. I gave a nod to the guards as I walked past them and into the palace.

Once inside, I walked around while trying my best to look like I was in that location with intention before I arrived downstairs at the holding cells. Another Earthbender guard was talking to an older Earthbender guard as I arrived, but I stuck to the shadows as I listened to their conversation.

“Sir, I was assigned prisoner transfer duty,” Zuko’s innocent voice floated through the air around me and my eyes widened as I realized he had also come up with the same idea to rescue his uncle. “But I’m…late. If my commander finds out--” Zuko’s words were spoken with uncertainty. “I’m already in enough trouble this month….” A small moment of silence passed between the two before the Earthguard spoke.

“The Firebender was taken to the Pit; the other prisoner is still here.” My eyebrows furrowed at the mention of a second prisoner. 

“The other prisoner?” Zuko asked the same question I thought in my head.

“Yeah. The bald kid. He’s with the King right now.” I frowned as I realized the predicament Zuko must’ve felt at this moment, but I hoped he was smart enough to know that he had better luck rescuing his uncle than taking on the whole earth kingdom with no help other than a Waterbender.

“Thank you sir. I will make haste to catch up.”

“Don’t forget that the path through the forest is the fastest route. Take the shortcut through the tunnels ahead to try and catch up.” The Earthbender guard bowed as Zuko did and then left down another hallway. Once the guard was out of sight, I quietly stepped out of the shadows and down the stairs. Zuko turned to look at me, but I knew the dimly lit hallway hid the details of my face just as well as it hid Zuko’s.

“At ease, soldier.” Putting my hands up in mock surrender, I softly spoke the words. The tension in Zuko’s shoulders slightly eased as he realized when I stepped closer that I was a friend. “Come on, we’re late enough for the prisoner transfer as it is.” Zuko nodded as we walked through the tunnel like the Earthbender had said and arrived to a small trail in the woods around the palace.

Once we were a safe enough distance away, Zuko and I tossed the helmets away and started running along the road in hopes to catch up to the convoy. After a few hours, I had to slow down to a stop as Zuko and I reached a split in the road. I was breathing heavily as my lungs tried to compensate for the intense amount of running we had just done, but I was suddenly thankful for all the days I would drive the crew crazy running laps around the deck. Resting my hands on my knees, I watched Zuko walk over to the path on the right and lean down to pick something off of the ground. I straightened up as Zuko did, but I couldn’t see whatever he had picked up.

“This way.” Zuko called back to me over his shoulder before he started off down the right path, and I was not too far behind him. As Zuko and I jogged along the path, I watched the thin sticks of the trees in the forest around us slowly disappear as an early morning fog crept in and permeated the forest. We came to a small clearing where we could see the imprints of wagon wheels in the moisten road of the path.

“They were here recently.” I said as I leaned down and touched the slightly damp spot on the ground. “We are close, Zuko.” I stood up and wiped my hands on my earthbender outfit then looked ahead of us. “We may be able to cut them off if we travel on either side of the trail.” I stripped off the heavy gear that weighed me down, and I let out a relieved sigh as I didn’t realize just how heavy that piece was for me. Looking back to the Firebender, I found him staring at me, and I felt my heart somersault in my chest before I moved to the right side of the trail. “You lead, I’ll follow.”

We heard the convoy before we saw them, and I briefly looked at Zuko as he jumped to set a tree on fire in front of the large bird an Earthbender leading the convoy was riding. Both of the large birds threw their rider off as the tree crashed down to block the convoy’s route before snapping at the humans and running away from them. Throwing a ball to block the back side of the cart in, Zuko jumped and landed in front of the convoy. I followed his lead as I used the back ledge of the cart to jump and kick the guard in the back. I formed a small block of ice at the bottom of my foot as it connected with his cheek, sending him flying back with an audible thud on the side of the road. Landing of my left foot, I spun on my heel and roundhouse kicked one of the guards that tried to run towards me. I shifted to attack the guard again when a blast of fire from behind the Earthbender made the man drop to the ground in front of me.

Looking over, I watched as Zuko approached Iroh’s outstretched hands and used a downward kick of fire to bust the metal chains binding the older Firebender’s wrists. I tried not to think about the heat rushing to my cheeks as I turned my attention to the Earthbenders as they helped on of the men up. I walked forward as Zuko sent a fireblast their way as he leapt over the wagon and flipped to the ground beside me. Iroh joined Zuko’s other side as the three of us looked at the three Earthbenders.

Two of the earth benders pulled two large chunks of rock from the earth and sent them in our direction. Zuko pulled me back as Iroh used one of the chains that had been wrapped around him as a heated whip to break both of the chunks apart. Letting go of me, Zuko used one hand to flip in front of Iroh as he released a spin kick full of fire and knocking down the two Earthbenders. I gathered the water molecules from the fog around us and encased the remaining Earthbender’s upperbody in a case of ice to prevent him from bending the rock from the earth as Iroh flung his chain like a whip. The chain wrapped around the Earthbender’s leg and sent the Earthbender falling to the ground as Iroh pulled the chain quickly. My ice shattered as the guard fell to the ground. Iroh walked towards the Earthbender with a serious look on his face. As the Earthbender scrambled to crawl backwards from the older Firebender, Iroh gathered his chains into his right hand as he stood above the guard.

“Do it.” The guard said through clenched teeth as he accepted his fate. The forest around us fell silent as I held my breath to see what the older Firebender would do. He took some deep breaths as he looked at the younger man on the ground.

“We’ve all seen enough death.” Iroh turned away from the guard and walked towards Zuko and I. Zuko turned to follow Iroh. As I turned to do the same, I saw the guard quickly get up and let out an angry grunt. Without blinking I felt a sharp sting as a large sharp rock pierced my shoulder and let out a sharp cry as I sent ice daggers at the Earthbender. Closing my eyes and gripping the protrusion of the rock implanted in my shoulder, I focused on keeping my breathing even as I pulled the rock out. Biting back a scream of pain, I toss the rock to the ground before placing a hand against the bleeding wound as I faced the two Firebenders.

“We need to go.” Iroh said as he looked around us. “There will be more of them coming.”

“But Y/N--” I waved a dismissive hand at Zuko’s concerned words as I walked between the two of them.

“We need to go, Prince Zuko.” I said while applying slight pressure to my wound. My heart squeezed within my ribcage, and I couldn’t look at the man whose voice held concern for me as I led the walk towards the boat.

Once the sun had almost set behind the horizon, the three of us arrived at the boat we used to get to the shore. Climbing into the boat, I bit my tongue to control the yelp as my wound reopened from the motion. After Iroh and Zuko settled into the boat, I used my waterbending to coax the boat into the water.

“It seems like we are always getting on or off boats.” Iroh lightheartedly said as Zuko rowed away from the coast. I let out a small chuckle at the older man’s words, but the motion of laughter caused a slight grimace on my face. Silence filled the boat briefly as Zuko stopped paddling as he looked up at the sky above us. Looking above us, I could barely make out the dark silhouette of a large flying creature in the darkened sky.

“What is it, Zuko?” Iroh asked as the figure disappeared behind the treeline.

“It’s nothing.” The younger Firebender said without turning back to look at Iroh as he slowly started to paddle again.

“Are you alright?” Iroh asked as he shifted his attention to me. The older Firebender’s face showed his sorrow for my injury. I shrugged, but put most of the effort into the side that wasn’t hurt. Shifting slightly to lean over the side, I rinsed my hands in the water as Zuko slowly padded. Once my hands were clean, I sat up as I maneuvered the water to create a small wave to propel the small canoe along back to the ship. Zuko turned to look at me as he opened his mouth to say something, but he closed his mouth at the shake of my head as I avoided eye contact with him. “It’s faster than you paddling.”

“You’re bleeding again.” Zuko’s soft words caused me to look down at the white undershirt of the Earthbender armor that was red with fresh blood from the small wound in my shoulder.

You’re just a distraction. Zuko’s words echoed in my mind as I sped up the boat a bit and avoided any further eye contact with the eyes staring at me with concern. 

“It’s a mere flesh wound.” Iroh bit back a bark of laughter that helped to offset the rapid pounding within my chest.

Once we arrived back to the ship, I bit the side of my cheek as I climbed the rope ladder first to get back on the boat. Lieutenant Jee helped me up, but accidentally grabbed a tender area of my injured shoulder and I couldn’t hold back the cry of pain. I was quickly released as I held a gentle hand to my shoulder.

“I’m sorry--” I dismissed the Lieutenant’s apology with a wave of my hand.

“It’s okay Lieutenant Jee.” I heard Zuko’s angry steps as I saw the Lieutenant’s face pale at the man approaching. “Calm down, Prince Zuko.” My calm words made him stop behind me. “He couldn’t have known. Show him a bit of mercy, please.”

“I am tired.” I announced without turning around to look at the man with the heated stare, then I left to go to my room.

Tag List @chevysstuffs @puttyly @ginger24880 @night-fall-moon @junieshohoho @0kauy @coolgirl458 @hypnoticbeing @angelruinz @preeyansha @playboygeniusphilanthropist @ssonniiu  @chi-ara @hagridshaircare @stell404 @kyo-kyo1 @herondale-lightworm @simonsbluee @nadlx33333 @nerdisthenewcool @jewelsrules @soggycrout0n @mymomsdisappointment

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Stolas, Blitz, and the Full Moon

The painful dramatic irony I feel about Stolas and Blitz having their meetings on the Full Moon haunts me every time I think about Helluva Boss (which seems to be often, lately).

So get on your literary tinfoil hats, because we're doing a literary tinfoil hat kind of ramble.

So let's talk about why—the full moon in particular—is such a *choice* for their monthly tryst.

For some quick science. The full moon is when the moon is completely illuminated by the sun. In turn, the moon also reflects that light to earth and back at the moon. They are in full alignment and shine their brightest.

So, metaphorically, this does well represent how when Stolas and Blitz started their contractual agreement, they were in full alignment: they each got what they wanted from the deal and it worked for them. Also, Blitz is ostensibly of lower class than Stolas, so putting Stolas in the place of the sun and Blitz as the moon is a pretty apt way to symbolize the distance in status and power between them (more on that later).

Over time, though, it has become more and more of a strain on both of them because, unlike the moon, they are no longer in alignment. Stolas doesn't want contractual, he wants love. Blitz is growing increasingly uncomfortable with what he feels beyond the contract and every time Stolas pushes those boundaries, he lashes out. So, when the full moon once was this very effective metaphor for their dynamic, things are shifting and turning their meeting from an apt moon metaphor to the dramatic irony it is now. Because while Stolas and Blitz don't notice how fraught the situation is, we, the audience, know that these two, regardless of whatever feelings and potential they may have, are not in alignment anymore. They are not a full moon. And it's no surprise that the upcoming episode, "Full Moon" seems to be all about that misalignment finally catching up to Stolas and Blitz.

So, if you think I'm painting curtains blue, it's time we gotta talk about "Look My Way".

The best evidence that all these moon shenanigans have been at least subconsciously purposeful and very clear to the fans and creators is this music video.

Let's start with the owl man context. Stolas is already a lifelong scholar of the stars, placing him in the perfect position for the cosmos to be a way he relates himself to others (also see any and all of his exchanges with Octavia).

In "Look My Way", Stolas enters this imagined cosmic space. At first, he's among the stars as a godly, large being, representing his status as a prince and a "watcher of these ancient rites". He's far from others, especially people like Blitz. However, as the song goes deeper into his feelings for Blitz, not only does he begin to cradle one small, moon-like celestial body, but in the next scene he's suddenly below that body as it floats above. He's gone from godly omniscience to a man on earth, looking up at the stars.

This is Stolas realizing Blitz isn't just some little rock that reflects his light and makes him feel good (circling back to that moon science). Instead, he's realized that like the puny humans of earth, the moon makes him feel small and illuminated. And these size changes all are symbols of the power dynamic (at least in Stolas' eyes; we can talk til the cows come home that objectively Stolas' status always has him in control. But let's roll with the bird man on this and focus on emotional control). Here, Stolas realizes his depth of feeling for Blitz and how desperately he wishes to be more.

Then, Stolas imagines a world where they are on the same plane. The moon isn't so small or so large, and he can reach out and touch its contents—Blitz.

Now, the video ending with him trying to fly up to the moon and falling is clear: He's resolved to try to put them on that equal footing and is willing to risk failing, falling, and losing it all if it means he might have that more equitable relationship as Blitz. If they might have find their full moon again, but a different kind.

But, can they find a full moon without one of them reflecting on the other?

This is the kicker that stirs up so much fan shenanigans. Because yeah, the full moon being a representative of their relationship is *painfully* apt. Let's go back to the science for a second. If you look at a full moon, you're looking at a version of the moon lit up by the sun's light. What you're seeing is not the moon all on its own. And on the flip side, the sun disappears behind the moon, fully eclipsed by night and the moon, losing itself in this configuration. And you can see the problems with this kind of alignment as a metaphor for a relationship.

Because if they were on the same footing, they wouldn't be a full moon anymore. To be the kind of relationship Stolas wants and Blitz is afraid to want, their alignment has to change entirely. Not one body reflecting on the other, not one disappearing behind the other, not a star and a moon. But, instead, side by side. *They have to become different celestial bodies entirely.* And understandably that's a huge fucking leap. It's why this fandom gets in very heated debates about whether their relationship could work or not, because there do have to be so many large, inherent changes in themselves as people and the way they interact to become the kind of relationship they both want.

But I guess we will just have to wait and see if they can pull it off or not.

Anyway, given I spent 30 minutes writing this, I'm going to stop listening to Helluva Boss music or I'm just gonna keep doing this all day.

[xiubaek-13]

Chapter 45 - Get You Alone

Requested: No Genre: Canon-AU Pairing: ? (at this stage undecided) x Reader or is it Baekhyun x Reader ?

Warnings: I guess spoilers if you haven’t seen all of Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo. Suggestive themes, mentions of smut. 18+ fic, minors DNI!

Word Count: 6,938

A/N: I wanted to post something to celebrate the return of Baekhyun from the military but this chapter got way out of hand so I’ve split it. Unless this happens again, we’ve only got two more chapters before this fic finally wraps up. 

“So you haven’t told him yet?” He asked.

“Not yet. I haven’t found the right moment.” You replied. You’d wanted to tell him but things kept getting in the way of the conversation. It was something you wanted to tell him in person and you had struggled to find sufficient alone time with the guy.

Minseok sighed as he leaned back into his chair. “You know I don’t enjoy being kept waiting.”

“You tell him then.” You snapped. You weren’t just going to drop that kind of bombshell on Baek with no warning. If Minseok was going to get snippy about it then he could buck up the courage to go hang with Baek and tell him. You knew he wouldn’t though. For all of his bravado there was still the fear of rejection dwelling in him. Regardless of how many times you reassured him that none of the guys would be disgusted by the idea.

He stared at you pointedly, one brow raised. “That was not our deal.”

You stood. You had to start to get ready. “Fine. How about after my meeting with the managers and Junmyeon tonight, the three of us have dinner together and talk?”

Minseok looked at you, his expression wrought with concern. “That’s going to be really awkward if he says no.”

You shrugged as you located your make-up bag. “I don’t think he will. He seemed excited about it when he knew that was what you requested. He really wanted to know who you’d picked.”

“Why would I not be surprised to find out he’s a voyeur?” Minseok half laughed. “It won’t be weird? Like it’s pretty obvious he’s been crushing on you.”

You shook your head. “No. We talked about it a lot actually, and we’re just going to see how things progress naturally.” You shrugged. “I mean all of us care about each other and desire each other to a certain extent so it’s a bit confusing to label anything yet. I’ll review it once this tour is over since my contract is finished then.”

He nodded before adding quietly. “Will you have to work with another group?”

You grabbed the make-up bag and moved to sit in front of the floor length mirror near the entrance to the room. You couldn’t lie, you had no idea what was going to happen during the meeting. You couldn’t see why SM would keep a contract with you and EXO if the group weren’t doing any further promotions in English speaking countries. There was a very real possibility that you would be assigned to another group or another company. “Possibly. It’s part of the purpose of tonight’s meeting. Kind of a review of my work and scope for likelihood of future work for me with you guys or with other groups. If SM isn't planning to rehire me then my boss will place me at another company.”

Minseok took a seat on the floor next to you as you applied your make-up. “It would be weird to not be able to have you around as much.” His expression was sombre as he thought about the reality of any of them not being able to spend as much time with you without it raising questions. You felt the same. You’d grown incredibly close to all nine of them and the idea that you wouldn’t be able to just drop by unannounced or attend schedules with them was difficult to think about but you also knew that it might actually be better to put a bit of distance between all of you. You’d be able to find ways to hang out with them in the future, and even if you weren’t under contract with SM you’d still be able to spend your free time with them, when they were available.

You paused. “Who knows, it might be good though. The lines between work and pleasure got kind of blurred, and that’s my fault, so separating my work from my relationships with all of you might help me to work out how this all looks moving forward.” You needed to work out what it was that you felt for each of them, and where things went from where they were now. At this point you had slept with each one of them and had deeper relationships with a few of them but you didn’t know if you wanted anything more with any of them other than friendship. You needed time to unpack all of your feelings, your time with Baekhyun had solidified that. There were feelings there but neither of you knew if they were ones that either of you wanted to try to pursue or if they were largely built off months of sexual tension.

There was one week remaining before all of you headed back to Korea. You had decided that once you were back in your home then there would be no more sexual encounters with any of them. Not until you made your mind up about what you wanted. Did you want all of them, some of them, one of them or none of them? You did not have an answer to the question that burned in the back of your mind. So you ignored it.

“Enough of this talk, it’s bringing the room down.” You softly chuckled. Minseok glanced at you through the mirror as you resumed putting your face on. “I believe you were telling me about the movie you were in and why I can’t watch it.”

He smiled. “You get sad when we die…”

“Do any of you act in things and not die?!” Minseok’s laughter rang throughout the room as you ranted about how you’d tried to watch a few of the things the members had acted in and every single one had ended with one of them dying.

“Cute.” He teased.

“Shut up.” Your response only made him laugh harder. The two of you continued to bicker about the dangers of watching anything any of the members acted in while you got ready. You both agreed that Soo would eventually have to remain alive during a role if he wanted to really explore acting. He couldn’t die in every role, you would threaten to nickname him Korea’s Sean Bean if he did. Minseok requested to video that particular encounter if it ever occurred.

Once your face was finished Minseok excused himself and left to go work out with Yeol and Jongin at the hotel gym. Those three and Baekhyun had been working hard on their physiques. Jongdae had joked that Minseok was Baekhyun’s trainer and Jongin was Chanyeol's, which put all too many ridiculous images in your mind. You felt sorry for whoever got stuck training with Minseok since he was overly enthusiastic about working out. You have never seen someone get so excited about the prospect of working out.

You began to pack your room up while you killed time before the meeting. All of you were off to the airport very early in the morning and depending on how tonight went, you might be short on packing time tomorrow. You pulled out clothes that you would need for tonight and for the flight tomorrow and packed everything else. You made a mental note to not do any more shopping out of fear that your luggage would be over the weight limit at the airport.

When there was no more packing to be done you turned your attention to the self evaluation sheet that you had completed prior to the meeting you were about to have. You had made a series of bullet points regarding your achievements, work ethic, teamwork and competence. You felt good about the performance side of the meeting. Your concern was going to be about the future of your contract. At least if they didn’t choose to keep you under contract with SM it would not be difficult for you to be placed elsewhere, not after the success you’d had with two high profile groups.

The sound of your phone pulled you from your thoughts. You really hoped it wasn’t one of the managers rescheduling the meeting because as much as you were starting to feel nervous about it, you just wanted to get it over and done with. Dragging the feeling out would not do you any good.

A laugh escaped you when you unlocked your phone. You should have known who would be the one messaging you. Baekhyun had a knack for texting you at moments where you needed distraction.

[1:24pm] Baek: Do you know what I’ve been thinking about?

You stared at the message. Of course you didn’t know the answer to his obviously rhetorical question. 

[1:24pm] You: Care to share with the class?

[1:24pm] Baek: Where’s the fun in not making you guess at least once?

You made a mental note to add eternally insufferable to the list of traits that applied to Baekhyun. He could bring a smile to your face with ease only to irritate you a moment later. You decided to play his game, the earlier conversation with Minseok popping back in your brain.

[1:25pm] You: Fine. You’ve been thinking about how to best apologise to me for making me watch the episode where you FUCKING DIE HORRIBLY alone. Even if that’s the wrong answer, you should be thinking about how to fix that.

[1:25pm] Baek: …That’s not what I’ve been thinking about, but I will consider options now.

[1:25pm] Baek: Did you cry?

[1:25pm] You: Of course I cried! It was heartbreaking and traumatising and oh my god I can’t believe you didn’t warn me!

[1:25pm] Baek: Aww, you cried that much for me? Were your eyes all puffy?

[1:26pm] You: Yes Baek. I ugly cried. Happy now?

The scowl on your face deepened as you thought of the smirk that would be on his face as he thought of you crying over his acting. At least no one witnessed you having an absolute breakdown over that episode. The story was heartbreaking and you had cried for his marriage, his family, his friend and everything horrible that was to come.

[1:26pm] Baek: Honestly? I’m not not happy about it. My acting must have been good!

[1:26pm] You: I mean yes, your acting was good but also there was the additional layer that is I saw someone I KNOW IN REAL LIFE die.

[1:27pm] Baek: Does it make you less sad to know that I was actually just asleep once I ‘died’ and was still in the scene? 

[1:27pm] Baek: Just had a nice little nap. Some of my best work.

If he’d dared say that to your face you would have shoved him through a wall. 

[1:27pm] You: I actually hate you, you know that right?

[1:27pm] Baek: Wow noona, lying is not a good look for you.

[1:27pm] Baek: Anyway, about what I was actually thinking about…

[1:28pm] You: You frustrate me so much.

It was the truth. He did frustrate you, so very much. Conversations flowed easily between the two of you but he knew exactly how to push you to the end of your rope without actually damaging your relationship. Even if he did make you want to throttle him on more than one occasion.

[1:28pm] Baek: In a good way though, right? Like sexual frustration ;) Pent up need, palpable tension. 

Your mind drifted back to the morning after his reward. The soft blankets, entwined limbs, and sleepy Baek who snuggled and wouldn’t let you leave the bed because apparently you were too huggable, comfortable and couldn’t you just tell your bladder to go back to sleep? Leaving the bed had been something you’d done reluctantly. Baekhyun was an excellent cuddler and his voice when he was still half asleep just did things to you, but when nature called you were provided with little wiggle room.

[1:28pm] You: Is this what you’ve been thinking of? Sex?

[1:29pm] Baek: There’s a study that says people think about sex between 10 to 20 times each day.

[1:29pm] You: So you’ve been thinking about sex.

[1:29pm] Baek: Yes. It’s a normal and healthy thing to do. I’m not weird.

You checked the time before you replied. You needed to wrap this conversation up soon and head down to the conference rooms for your evaluation. In addition to your nerves about your future with SM, you now had Minseok’s reward at the forefront of your mind again, and like every other time - you had no time to bring it up and discuss it with Baek.

[1:29pm] You: You are weird, but not for thinking about sex. Are you planning to elaborate on this important train of thought any time soon? I’ve got a meeting to get to.

[1:29pm] Baek: Oh right, I forgot about that meeting. Well, whilst the other night was incredible, it was only half of my reward if I get to have everything I requested…

[1:29pm] Baek: We’ll discuss how I’m not weird at a later time.

Shit, the phone sex. He’d requested that as well and you had not delivered on it yet. When he’d mentioned it you remembered being excited to see how skilled he was at it. The most either of you had ever done via the phone was flirting and for want of a better phrase, foreplay. Sexting-lite if you will.

[1:30pm] You: I had actually forgotten about that part of the request. Someone distracted me. Weird guy, incredibly hot and great in bed though.

[1:30pm] Baek: Sounds like a catch. Why’d you let him out of your sight?

You laughed out loud at his response. He never missed the opportunity to inflate his own ego or fish for a compliment.

[1:30pm] You: I can’t do this now Baek, as much as I enjoy our banter, I have to prepare for this meeting. It’s important. 

[1:30pm] You: I’ll make it up to you later by giving you the other half of your reward ;)

[1:31pm] Baek: Ah ok well with an offer like that, how could I refuse? Your meeting will be fine, regardless of the outcome btw. Unless they make you move out, then that will be awful.

[1:31pm] Baek: Forget I said that!

[1:31pm] Baek: Even if they don’t do another contract with us, you taught other groups at the company while we were in Japan so they’ll probably just have you as an in-house English teacher or assign you to another group.

[1:31pm] You: Thanks Baek, I hope it goes well. And to soothe your worries, I won’t move out. Mr Kim’s company rents the apartment, not SM.

[1:32pm] You: Oh! I meant to ask if you wanted to join Minseok and I for dinner after my meeting to debrief? About 8pm?

[1:32pm] You: And before you say it, I do not mean that as an innuendo. I’m the closest to both of you so I want to talk to you after the meeting regardless of how it goes.

[1:32pm] Baek: BUT I HAVE SO MANY COMEBACKS FOR THAT

[1:32pm] Baek: How dare you ruin my fun. 

[1:32pm] Baek: But yes, I’m free. I’ll join you both for dinner.

[1:32pm] Baek: I’d like to debrief you in person.

[1:33pm] You: Why are you like this?

[1:33pm] Baek: You secretly love it.

You refrained from replying to him. You hadn’t lied when you said you didn’t have time to banter right now. You needed to make your way to the meeting in the next ten minutes and before you left your room you needed to ground yourself. It was just a meeting. You’d had many meetings with the managers since taking on this job, and all of those meetings had gone well. This one was probably just to review the tour and schedule another one once you returned to Korea.

***

You entered the conference room on the third floor and had to hide your surprise at seeing Junmyeon seated next to two of the managers. He’d made no mention of being involved in this meeting when you’d had breakfast with him and Sehun this morning. A heads up would have been nice, you thought to yourself as you smiled and greeted each of them.

“Thank you for joining us,” One of them said. “Please take a seat and we’ll get started.” They gestured at the seat opposite them at the conference table so you did as requested and waited for someone to continue speaking.

The manager sitting in the middle began to speak. “Much like Mr. Kim, we assess you on three main areas. 1. How well the tasks were performed 2. How you worked with the clients and 3. Work ethic/professionalism. We have also added in the progress that has been made since our previous evaluation.” He gestured at Junmyeon on his left and the other manager on his right. “We will provide our feedback and EXO’s leader will also provide feedback on behalf of the group.” He smiled at you knowingly. “As you know, it is easier to have formal meetings with fewer members if you want it to be over in a timely fashion.”

You chuckled and agreed, having been involved in a couple of such meetings. They had left you wondering if you were just going to be in said meetings until you grew old and died. You’d even watched as a newer manager up and quit over not being able to settle on a takeout option in the practice room one day. The poor guy’s first mistake was asking what everyone felt like eating. After thirty minutes of heated debate between pizza, chinese and chicken you saw the exact moment they accidentally broke him. Having Junmyeon here made much more sense. He would have gathered responses from each of the members and summarised them for this meeting.

The man on the left pointed to a camera at the end of the table. “We are recording this meeting so that we can pass it on to Mr. Kim rather than holding another meeting to cover the exact same points once we return to Korea as well as sending a report to our CEO. He will review it as well as watch the final concert to see the fruits of everyone's labour.” You nodded in response. “To begin, we would like to hear your self assessment.”

“Thank you.” You replied. “Well to begin, I’d like to address the main development request from the last meeting. I have grown closer to the members which has made it possible for me to greatly improve my tailored lessons, but also allowed us to be more informal with each other and over time has removed any residual awkwardness that was present. They treat me like they do the other staff they work closely with, almost like family. Whilst I have grown close with the members, when I am in public with them I don’t act as friendly with them to ensure that no one thinks I am too close with them or that there is a lack of respect involved. We live in the same building so we do spend time together where we can be more informal with each other but that is with the safety of knowing no members of the media or public are witnessing our interactions. The same goes for being on site for any promotional work. I may have become friends with them but they have a job to do and so do I, so none of us interfere with that. To the best of my knowledge there have been no complaints about me being too close with them or causing delays in them doing their jobs.” Junmyeon smiled warmly at you. “I think the best way to move through this meeting is for us to discuss one point at a time.”

“We can do that.” The man in the middle nodded. “It will save backtracking.” He turned his head towards Junmyeon before he spoke again. “Would you like to provide your feedback regarding this point?”

Junmyeon nodded and sifted through his papers. “I don’t have a lot to add for this point. The company requested that our teacher become closer and more familiar with us so that it would not be awkward for our working relationship. Whilst it was a little awkward in the beginning, all of our members have welcomed teacher-nim with open arms. We treat her with respect and formality in public but when it is just her and us, she is our friend and one of the valuable members of EXO’s staff.” The managers added to their own notes as he spoke.

The one on the left spoke next. “I’ll keep it short. We agree that you have succeeded in achieving what was requested of you. We no longer see the stiff student - teacher dynamic which was present during the previous evaluation. We have observed your comfort levels around other staff as well as the members and are very pleased with how well you fit into the EXO family. The closeness has allowed you to not feel like you can’t scold them when they act up or are too playful, something not every member of staff feels comfortable doing. The thing we were concerned about was if fans would think you were too close with them or if any dating rumours would appear but thankfully there have been no issues.” The other manager chuckled and added. “Some fans now know that you have been the English teacher and translator for the entire tour and think you’re great at your job.”

You smiled at their evaluation. So far, so good. “To cover the first main point, I believe the tasks set out have been completed to a high standard. The group hardly ever required me to step in and translate responses for them during their ments or various interviews. I feel that the consistent effort by each member and myself to improve their conversational skills, pronunciation and vocabulary has been successful.” Junmyeon was the only one looking at you while you spoke, the other two were busy making notes as you spoke which was relieving, it was always easier to speak about your strengths when you weren’t being stared down. You took a breath and continued. “The interviews that have been released have received a lot of love from fans, who have been impressed at how much their English has improved and how they feel comfortable enough to play around in English during interviews. There have hardly been any slip ups with their ments, and considering that before I began my lessons over half of them were not confident to say anything other than their names in English, they have greatly improved. My one on one lessons have helped each member to learn their ments and memorise them without needing prompting.” You leant back in your seat once you finished speaking. You had delivered on the first of the criteria, you felt confident about that. The two managers finished making notes regarding what you had said before they finally looked back up at you.

The manager in the middle flicked through some papers before he gestured to Junmyeon. “Would you like to provide the feedback you’ve collated from your members?”

Junmyeon nodded and adjusted his posture as he picked up the paper in front of him. He paused to put on his glasses before he began to read. “I will have to jump through the points since we are only discussing one criteria at a time. I asked different members for feedback and in the interest of time I thought I’d provide a testimonial for each point. When I asked Chanyeol to tell me about his learning experience with our teacher he provided the following.” He took a breath. “Teacher-nim was always very organised. She kept our lessons interesting so that we didn’t get distracted. She worked out which learning style worked best for me and then adjusted her approach accordingly. She gave me music and movies as homework and asked me to learn dialogue from movies to recite to her in English. She paired us up and got us to interview each other, with the aim of providing responses in English, the more ridiculous the better. I think she realised that when you put a challenge in front of any of us that we are all too stubborn and prideful not to rise to it. My private lesson with her centred around music and was conducted in my studio. I think she did an exceptional job as she allowed us to dictate when and where we would hold lessons. She seemed to always be available, even if it was a quick phone call to ask about phrasing or pronunciation. I also think that how close we have become with her helped us when we felt nervous about our skill levels as we knew she wouldn’t scold us, rather she’d find a creative way to show us the correct wording.”

You suddenly thought of another point that you had forgotten to mention. “I have addressed how I worked with the clients already but I would add that whilst I have made myself available at any time, given their busy schedules, that they have made a group effort to not abuse my availability. If they are requiring a late lesson, they buy a meal for me. I believe we work very well as a team.”

Junmyeon nodded in agreement. “She’s correct. Yixing often had to have very late or very early lessons and he would make sure to compensate her for her time if it was well out of expected working hours. He had to have one lesson at 4am so he ordered teacher-nim breakfast to be delivered at a time she requested and made sure all of us were aware so that we could avoid requesting a late night lesson on that day in consideration for her lost sleep.”

The two managers jotted down their notes regarding everything that had been said. “We agree that you have proven to be a very successful teacher for the EXO members. The end result has exceeded our original expectations of them, something that shows dedication from both yourself and them. It speaks volumes about your ability to engage them in learning a language when they have as busy a schedule as they do.”

Just one point left, then the evaluation portion of the meeting would be done. You hoped they were going to give some indication about your future before you left the meeting but after mentioning ending this evaluation to their CEO, you weren’t sure if he would reserve his decision until after the final concert. “As for the third point, professionalism and work ethic. I believe my own work ethic has improved to keep up with how dedicated to their jobs they are. I am available at all times but I ensure that I get sufficient rest and breaks to prevent burn out or provide a sub par lesson. I believe I am very professional in my interactions with the group in public, more informal when it is just them and me but I am still their teacher and they respect me when I am doing my job.”

  This time Junmyeon didn’t wait to be asked to speak, he knew it was his turn after you. “I agree with the points made by but would like to add Jongin’s review.” You smiled as you thought of Nini. “Noona made time to come to my personal schedule to conduct my private lesson. She had to travel quite a distance to the photoshoot site, and then conducted my lesson with the knowledge that we would be interrupted and that I would be distracted. Nevertheless, she was incredibly polite to the wardrobe, hair and make up staff I was working with as well as the photographer. She knows each of us well enough to know our hobbies and what will motivate us. She based my lesson around lines from a book that I could read to my nieces which I found so touching. She conducted herself in a very professional manner that day, even the photographer was impressed by her adaptability and patience. She has never said no to a lesson request from any of us, nor has she not been available when we’ve had questions for her. We’ve never had a teacher like her and I think I can safely speak for all of us when I say she’s the best teacher we’ve ever had.”

The two managers smiled fondly as Junmyeon read out Jongin’s feedback. You had yet to meet a single member of staff who wasn’t whipped by that man. They were all utterly endeared by him, and you understood why. Jongin had been someone you had bonded with from the very beginning when you’d visited to keep him company while he recovered from his injury. “The members have covered your availability and effectiveness from their perspective. I would like to provide some feedback from the other staff members you have worked alongside with. Pretty much all of the staff, from choreographers, dancers, make up cordis and wardrobe team to the sound techs have reported getting on well with you. They have all reported that you carry yourself with a high level of professionalism and have been nothing but respectful towards them. Not once have you deemed your work to be more important than theirs and you have shown interest in what they do and how hard they work. You haven’t had any conflicts with staff or caused any problems for them. They have reported that the EXO members seem comfortable around you, that they take your work seriously and show you as much respect as you show them.”

The manger in the middle smiles at you. “I think it is clear that we are very satisfied with your work, the results speak for themselves. You have been easy to work with, have gotten along with everyone and done everything that was required of you. The members like working with you, and I was told by other idols at SM that you were a very good teacher from the couple of lessons you held while EXO were in Japan. We don’t get to decide about the continuation of your contract, that is up to our CEO. He will review the formal performance review report that we’ll send through today and we expect him to contact Mr. Kim next week. Speaking for us however, we hope that he will opt to sign another contract with you. It’s been a pleasure to work with you.”

The validation of all of your hard work felt good. Like really good. You knew you had done a good job, but to hear so many positive comments about everything you had done during your time with EXO was a huge compliment. “I understand that you don’t get to make the decision, and I will respect whatever decision your CEO makes. I understand that if EXO don’t have further schedules in the west that it would not make sense to re-contract me. I would like to express my interest in being assigned another group within the company, or, being hired as an in-house teacher/translator for all of the artists under the SM umbrella. I have been treated exceptionally well by this company, its staff and idols and have thoroughly enjoyed my time here.”

After that the meeting naturally came to a close. You thanked everyone for their feedback and their time before excusing yourself so that they could further discuss your work without you being present.

***

You needed a distraction after that meeting. You tried to decide on an option for dinner later that evening but your mind kept circling back to the fact that your future with the company was up in the air until you got back to Korea. It left you with mixed feelings. What if you decided that ultimately you wanted to keep working with the guys only for the CEO to deny you another contract? What if they were too busy to make time for you? What if after what if, each one playing on your anxieties a little more than the last. So you left your room and went to see Yixing after texting him to let him know you were coming over. He was lounging in his room watching a movie after having done interviews all morning for a show he was filming back in China. He smiled at you when he answered the door, pulling you into the room into an engulfing hug.

The two of you curled up and watched the rest of Kung Fu Hustle, the perfect movie to take your mind off things because of how ridiculous it was. The two of you laughed at different references, Yixing even paused to explain some of the ones that went completely over your head and you had to explain some to him - both of you laughing even harder when you worked out that the subtitles you were relying on were almost a different script to the audio he was listening to.

At some point during your second movie, a drama that you couldn’t remember the name of, he fell asleep. You decided to head back to your room and annoy the person who could always distract you. You sent your first text as you left Yixing’s room.

[4:23pm] You: Did you end up working out with the others?

His response was instantaneous, something that still surprised you. He was a busy guy, and honestly you had half expected him to be gaming or sleeping. 

[4:23pm] Baek: Ugh, yes I did. When this tour is over I’m going to eat so much pizza and never take my shirt off in public again.

[4:23pm] You: Is the diet & work out program that bad?

[4:23pm] Baek: …I hate to expose myself here but in case you haven’t noticed, I exaggerate sometimes.

You laughed heartily at his confession, as though he thought he was actually divulging a secret to you.

[4:24pm] You: What!? You?! Exaggerate?!

[4:24pm] Baek: Please don't make me laugh, my abs hurt. 

[4:24pm] Baek: Hyung made me work extra hard today. And now I can’t eat until dinner. 

[4:24pm] Baek: I’m so hungry noona.

Your mind drifted back to the dinner that was in a couple of hours. Why had Minseok made him work out extra hard? Was it his way of punishing Baek for not already knowing about the proposed threesome? Did he not want him to be limber for tonight if he said yes? Was he that sure that Baek would turn him down? Or was he trying to exhaust him so his guard was down? None of the options made a lot of sense to you given you would be surprised if Baek turned the idea down. 

[4:25pm] You: Poor Baekkie, you should rest your muscles.

[4:25pm] You: Does this mean I have to be careful to order healthy food for our dinner tonight?

You tried to think about healthy, protein rich, low carb options for dinner and… the options did not bring you joy. You had been thinking about ordering Mexican or Thai since you could all share everything and it was food that was still good when you woke up at midnight for a snack. 

[4:26pm] Baek: I really don’t want you to. I can have a cheat night. Minseokkie won’t get mad because you ordered the food. It’s win win.

You scoffed at his message. You had half a mind to order something that heavily featured cucumbers just to spite him but that also didn��t sound like an ideal dinner for you. 

[4:26pm] You: Using me for food is a new low even for you Baek.

[4:26pm] Baek: But you’re so useful noona.

[4:26pm] Baek: I would gladly use you in other ways ;)

Three minutes. It had taken him three minutes to steer your conversation down the suggestive path. If you indulged him he’d latch on and go for it. You weren’t against this kind of distraction… actually it could serve another purpose. One - it would take your mind off everything entirely for a little while and Two - if you really went for it, it could fulfil the second part of his reward. It wasn’t scheduled as such but you decided to see how the chips fell.

[4:26pm] You: How much is the rent?

[4:26pm] Baek: What?

[4:26pm] You: I’m just wondering how much rent you’re paying to live in the gutter.

You entered your room and flopped down on the bed, getting comfortable as you waited for his reply. He had said he was taking up residence in the gutter in the last text exchange you had but you weren’t sure how much of it he remembered given everything else that occurred that day.

[4:27pm] Baek: Oh, the gutter is rent free my dear.

[4:27pm] Baek: Why do you think I’ve taken up residence here ;)

Turns out he did remember. You smiled as you adjusted your pillows, wondering where was texting you from. 

[4:27pm] You: You’re shameless.

[4:27pm] Baek: This is not new information.

[4:27pm] Baek: You should join me down here. Like I’ve told you before, the gutter is fun.

[4:27pm] You: Fun is not a convincing enough argument for getting me to move. 

[4:27pm] You: You might have to convince me…

You’d laid down the challenge for him. Given him a free pass to engage with you however he chose to. He might go the funny route, or he might go the lewd route. 

[4:28pm] Baek: Oh? That I can absolutely do.

[4:28pm] You: You sound very sure of yourself.

[4:28pm] Baek: When it comes to the gutter, I am very confident noona.

[4:28pm] Baek: You’ve visited the gutter more than once. 

[4:28pm] Baek: It looked good on you.

[4:28pm] You: I have visiting rights, but I find my visits to the gutter more exhilarating because I don’t live there.

[4:28pm] Baek: Don’t move then, just have a holiday house here. 

That text made you laugh more than you should have. If anything you already lived down in the gutter, you just refused to admit it.

[4:28pm] You: Now that is a possibility. My visits have been more frequent as of late.

[4:28pm] You: I blame that on a certain someone.

[4:29pm] Baek: I’m flattered. 

[4:29pm] Baek: That means you’ve been thinking about me.

You had no intention of making this easy for him. He was already overly confident in himself in your text exchanges, and if you inflated his ego any further he’d be insufferable. No, you were going to make him work for it. He tended to react to being challenged by you with attempting to fluster you.

[4:29pm] You: No.

[4:29pm] Baek: No?

[4:29pm] You: No.

[4:29pm] Baek: Well that’s too bad, because I’ve absolutely been thinking about you.

[4:29pm] Baek: And to be clear. None of those thoughts have been family friendly.

There it was. The open invitation to engage in his second request, whether he realised it or not. However, unlike last time where the two of you did this in a packed room, you wanted to make sure he was alone and could fully indulge in this. 

[4:29pm] You: Are you alone now?

If he said yes, then you were going to do this. The thought of his request returning to your mind. ‘I want to read, hear and see you take instructions from me, and I you’ The reminder of his words hitting you in your core. 

[4:29pm] Baek: I am very alone in my room. Yeol is out shopping with Sehunnie.

[4:29pm] Baek: Why?

[4:29pm] Baek: Are you alone noona?

Before you could change your mind you quickly got off the bed and grabbed a couple of things from your suitcase, tossing them onto the bed as you returned, a bit more excited than you had anticipated you would be. You laid back and got comfortable against the pillows. You held your phone up and snapped a selfie of you biting your lip and hit send.

[4:30pm] You: sending DCIM052.JPG

[4:30pm] You: I am.

[4:30pm] You: I think you should tell me about these thoughts.

[4:30pm] You: In detail.

[4:30pm] Baek: Fuck. You can’t just send something like that with no warning.

[4:30pm] Baek: The things I would do to you…

[4:30pm] Baek: You are so fucking hot.

You had gotten the response you wanted. He wasn’t shying away from this. You pictured him in his room, the room where the two of you had thoroughly explored each other's bodies. Repeatedly. The room where you lost count of how many times you came. The room where, even a day later, you could still feel the ghost of his caress against your body. Desire bloomed within you.

[4:31pm] You: So tell me, what would you do to me? 

[4:31pm] You: Because I am absolutely not thinking about you in a family friendly way right now. 

[4:31pm] You: How would you touch me Baek?

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this update. I promise the next one picks up right where this one left off ;)

Masterpost | Chapter 44 | Chapter 46

[secndlife]

📂✨🥰

Hope you take care of yourself!

“What are our plans for Sunday again?” Soonyoung asked, plopping down on the couch. He had gotten home not long ago, and lucky for him, you decided to cook him dinner. You weren’t much of a cook, but he had been craving some homemade food, so you gave in. 

Everything and anything for him.

“We’re putting the Christmas lights away,” you informed him. 

Soonyoung would never admit it because he was well aware of how you felt about cooking, but he loved when you did it. And maybe that’s why he loved it so much. 

He stared at the Christmas tree placed by the corner of the living room, dangerously close to the TV stand. “Why?” He had a pout on his lips. Soonyoung loved Christmas, and he thought the two of you did a particularly good job this year with putting it up. He even managed to sneak in a tiger ornament. It felt a bit too soon to have that taken away from him, he felt.

You giggled at his whine, “It’s January already, babe.” It was time. “No one has them up at this late.”

“So? This is our place. We make the rules.” 

Another faint laugh escaped you. You could hear him getting up and walking towards you. You were always amused at how hard it was for him to keep his distance whenever you were both in the same space. He danced around you like you were magnetic. But you’d never complain. 

Everything and anything for him.

After tasting some of the beef stew, you turned the burners off and turned around to face a very sad looking Soonyoung. What an overly dramatic lover you had.

“Why are you frowning?” 

His arms reached for you and, much like always, you allowed yourself to be pulled into his embrace. “I want to have Christmas lights in January.”

Smiling, regardless if it was out of amusement or just pure happiness, was as easy as breathing when you were with Soonyoung. “But it’s not Christmas anymore.”

He shrugged, “So? Again, this is our place. We make the calls.” Soonyoung leaned in, placing a small kiss on your cheek. “Please?” He said that word a couple more times, and after each one, he kissed a different part of your face. 

You would never admit it because you were well aware of how much he’d tease you if you did, but you loved when you did that. And maybe that’s why you loved it so much. 

When he was satisfied, he pulled away and stared back at you. God, how you loved his eyes. They were shaped like a crescent moon and seemed to carry all the stars in the universe in them.

You sighed. You could never say no. “Fine.”

Everything and anything for him.

[kwritingbooks]

co-written by me & @shroombloomm

read on wattpad or tumblr masterlist

While psychedelics aren’t anything new to people like Aurora and Nina, it’s a whole new world for Harry. The world is constantly shifting around them, causing light to shine on things that was once hidden in the dark. How things can change with just one small tab…

AU: star-being!harry x astronomy-student!aurora

Content warning: substance use (acid, alcohol, and weed)

AURORA’S POV

I wasn't sure how long it had been since we first placed the tablets of acid on our tongues. All I knew was that at some point our regular conversations turned into fits of laughter that caused our cheeks to hurt. It was as if there was no off button and all we could do was let it take control over our bodies– clutching against our stomachs from the pain of happiness.

My guess was that it had been at least an hour since, considering that I could feel my high climbing. Both Harry and I's backs were laid out on the bed of the truck, still unmoved from the spot we had initially been in. I could hear the faint chatters below us, assuming that at some point Ryan and Nina had crawled out of the truck bed and laid on the ground below us. I think I preferred it that way. It gave the familiarity of her voice nearby but with the closeness of Harry to my left. That on top of the vastness above enveloping us together in one was just about as perfect as it could get.

Looking up at the night sky was always something that I found great comfort in. The way I could see the flicks of light flash faintly in the far distance, while others shined as bright as they did every other night before. But, those were my thoughts even when I was sober.

All of my appreciations and perspectives changed with hallucinogens clouding my reality. What was already so beautiful heightened to lengths that I didn't know were possible. Each time felt like a whole new experience, no matter if I was doing the same thing regardless. Under this new perspective, the stars danced in all their forms. They waltzed, they tangoed, they did ballet. They lived just as we did.

Each dance reflected against everything above, including the clouds and the moon. The individual stars were there with their own performances in order to entertain the moon, I figured. Yet, I felt like the only audience member that was taken aback by the show above me. The moon and I gazed together to encapsulate everything going on. It felt like a hug from far away, as if they outstretched their beams of light around my body into the warmest of hugs.

It was beautiful, to say the least. My lips had grown that familiar tug of fatigue from the smile that had drawn so tightly on my face. It was the only thing I knew how to do at that moment. It was the only thing I wanted to do. Needed to do.

I crooked my head to Harry's side, curious how he was doing. I knew I felt great, but I also knew what to expect from it as well. Harry, on the other hand, had no idea. This was his first time after all. I couldn't imagine what he was feeling considering he only ever started experiencing life on Earth fairly recently on top of now experiencing in this new way.

"You okay?" I breathed out softly, peering at him.

He had a hand rested neatly on top of his chest and I watched closely as it rose and fell with his breaths. They looked slightly uneven, possibly a little quicker than his usual pace.

He nodded his head with a small smile, matching our eyes together. "I don't know what exactly is happening, but I think it's nice. It feels nice. Even my clothes feel nice."

I couldn't help but giggle as my eyes ventured towards his other hand that was trailing along the fabric of his shirt. It looked smooth as he rubbed it between two of his fingers and eventually retracted it back to meet his other hand on his chest.

A hardly noticeable layer of sweat had grown on his forehead since the last time I had looked over. If it wasn't for his calm demeanor with his tone, I would have thought he was anxious about what was going on. His tongue would periodically lick over his lips as he looked above him. He seemed just as awestruck by the beauty beaming down on us as I was.

He quickly turned back towards me, now with a slightly concerned look on his face. "Aurora?"

"Yes, Harry?" I almost blushed as his name came out of my mouth so seamlessly. It was like it tickled against my lips as it escaped them, leaving butterflies to flutter out with it.

"Is this the weed, alcohol, or acid?" He drummed his fingers against his chest, darting his eyes around us. He moved them slowly around, like he was trying to take in all of the scenery closely– from the metal of the truck to the blanket underneath us to the water bottle that had been knocked over in the corner. He wanted to see and experience it all.

I chuckled. "It's all of it. Everything, it's all one." I hummed a satisfied breath as I switched my head back above, closing my eyes briefly. I could hear faint gusts of wind brushing along the trees along with Harry's breath beside me. It was as if it was his breaths causing the leaves to brush against one another from so far away.

"But mostly the acid." I joked, concealing a small laugh inside.

"Interesting." Harry responded matter-of-factly. "Does it get stronger than this? I feel like I'm climbing almost. Like my brain."

This giggle was much harder to conceal. "This is just the beginning, Harry. But, it'll be fun, I promise. Just sit back and enjoy the feelings right now. You'll know when you're there." My eyes remained shut, listening in on all the noises around. Harry had grown silent again, but his lack of questioning was usually a good sign. He was enjoying it just the same.

"What do you mean nothing matters? Anything can matter if you want it to. That's the whole point!" I heard Nina ramble below. I could tell by the way she was talking she was waving her hands around like she normally did when she went on her philosophical talks. I smiled to myself as I pictured the image in my head. She always had a way to bring up these things, especially when drugs or alcohol were introduced to the table.

"We're all just a little speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. If we were to just evaporate into dust, it wouldn't change anything about the universe." Ryan rebutted. I heard Nina let out an exasperated laugh as he continued. "Hell, if this one universe evaporated, then what? Exactly! There's so many that it would hardly change anything."

I didn't have to see her face to know there was an eye-roll after that sentence. I was enjoying eavesdropping in on their conversation, playing it like a movie in front of me. I even pictured the stars having the conversation, morphing into Ryan and Nina's faces instead. Instead of the previous dances, they were bickering back and forth about the meaning of life.

It was my show after all. I got to control it.

"You're such a nihilist. It's okay to find meaning in your own life. It's okay just to find bits of happiness in anything we want to. It doesn't have to have a big meaning behind it." Nina retorted.

The star that I envisioned her as was directly in front of me, burning bright in the middle of other fainter stars. Her words caused her brightness to only increase as I sunk deeper in the truck bed, watching.

What she was saying was something that I agreed with, but I didn't put much thought into it before. Whenever she would try to pull me into one of her life talks, I would usually tell her that I just wanted to enjoy my high and not have an existential crisis. But, there didn't have to be a crisis if I didn't want there to be one. That was one thing I never considered.

I morphed my life how I wanted based on the choices I made and found meaning in. Every little "yes" I said or "no" I said to things led me exactly to the spot that I was in right now. If I didn't choose to listen to my parents about their interest in astronomy, I wouldn't have continued this path. Maybe I wouldn't have gone to this school at all– never to have met people like Nina or Harry once in my life.

Maybe I would have majored in marketing. Or business. Or something else that would have piqued my non-astronomical-interested brain at the time.

That was semi-hard to imagine. Besides the fact that this had consumed so much of my life, it was hard to imagine that I could have lived a life so different. A few months ago, never would I have thought that I would be tripping acid with Harry– let alone the fact that he was a being that lived among the stars.

Coming to terms with that felt like a trip all in itself.

But, it wasn't. This was my reality because I made it my reality. I found solaceness in the little things that led me here. In this truck bed.

"It would go noticed if your universe evaporated, by the way." Harry whispered in my direction.

It almost shocked me, forgetting that I was lying beside him. I was so enwrapped with the conversation going on beneath us, that it felt like I was the only one who existed in this reality for a moment.

I turned to look at him as he laid unchanged in his positioning, continually drumming his fingertips over his hand. His one sentence made me feel the most comforted I had felt all night. There was no arguing with a being that knew all the secrets about the stars and the universe it surrounded. He knew it all, and I believed him.

"I think I'm starting to feel it, Aurora. Things are moving." He scrunched his eyebrows, squinting at the night sky above. He seemed to be over the existential debate, now focusing on himself now. "At least I don't think that's normal. I don't remember them moving before. Is that supposed to happen?" His voice was still a whisper, growing quieter the more he spoke. I couldn't hold back another fit of giggles as I watched him so focused.

"That's a part of it. Everything will feel stronger– your emotions, your sensations, things around you. Let your body and mind speak for you." I reminded him.

"My mind is telling me that I'm floating. Almost like I'm back home. It's nice. I wish I could take you to show you." He whispered a little louder this time. It was hard to fight against the small stab of disappointment I felt when he said it. It reminded me that I could only live out his experiences through the stories he told— never to experience it myself.

His hands patted beside him like he was double-checking to make sure he wasn't actually floating. A satisfied hum left his lips once he realized he was still where he last put himself.

"Also I feel all my clothes on me." He said it with a confused spark with his words. "I know I'm wearing them, but they feel funny. Softer, maybe. Smooth? Or is it scratchy?" He battled with himself as he attempted to word how he was feeling. I had yet to say anything, completely enjoying watching him talk himself through what he was going through.

"But it feels good, right?" I smiled at him. His hands were smoothing along his body, lightly tugging at it as he experienced the different sensations.

He nodded his head. "I think so."

"Good. It's okay to feel things. Feel as much as you want, it's your reality—your choice. You shape how you feel, especially tonight. It's all up to you how you want it to go." The words rolled off my tongue as I said them, reassuring myself in the process.

My choice. Always.

But especially tonight.

"Really?" He sounded so innocent as he asked, causing my cheeks to burn.

For some reason, I almost wanted to cry. Not out of sadness, though. Happiness. It flowed through me so powerfully and it was hard to contain it. I felt so at peace in these moments I currently shared with him. All I wanted to do was sit there forever.

"Really." I repeated with a slight blur of tears rimming along my eyes. I blinked them away, spinning my head around.

"We'll be back!" Nina rushed out, causing me to sit up quickly from my spot. She had Ryan's hand in hers, giggling among themselves as she pulled him away.

I watched as they disappeared into the field. I rolled my eyes at them, sinking back down into the bedding that cushioned from under us. I let out a soft breath, focusing back onto the stars.

The music from the truck lulled from behind us, but it was so much quieter than it was when Nina had first turned it on. Guitars sounded through the speakers, making the truck vibrate from under us.

"What is the meaning to life?" I whispered from under my breath, glancing towards Harry out of the corner of my eye before rolling my head to look at him. Harry's eyes widened just slightly, a smile curved onto his lips as he let out a soft chuckle.

"Heavy question, Aurora." He whispered back, shifting his hips slightly as his fingertips ran up and down his torso slowly. "I can't say that I know."

"You are, y'know...other-wordly, so I just thought–"

"Star-being." He stopped me, rolling his head to gaze towards me. "I am a star-being, but even I ask myself these questions. You may think that we hold answers to those kinds of questions, but in reality, we are just as lost as humans. In our own ways."

He paused for a moment, licking over his lips as he furrowed his brows carefully. His features became more bright, more clear when I looked at him. Like, really looked at him. I may have stolen a glance or two from him before, but really looking at him now, it was intense.

"Why are we made so differently?" Harry whispered lowly as he searched my face for any answers. "What is the difference between me and you? Really. We just live on other planets, and other than that, we feel things the same way it seems."

"People don't see you the way I see you." I whispered back to him as I rolled onto my side, blinking hard. "They don't see the Harry that I do."

Harry parted his lips, brows pinched as he gazed at my features. There was a silence between the both of us, for what felt like eternity. In reality, it was only mere moments, but with Harry everything felt like an eternity. Maybe time had stopped, just for us, so we could live in this moment longer together.

His features started to blur together, but not in a way that made him unrecognizable. It was almost as if he had stars that personally kissed alongside his cheekbones. Looking at him was like looking at someone I had known for so long. He felt so familiar to me, and it made my chest shift in a way that was like butterflies rattling in a cage.

And maybe it was that I had known him for as long as it felt. Maybe each time I sat underneath the stars, I was with him and didn't know it. Each time I felt drawn to a specific sparkle above, it was him looking down at me, watching me grow up. Maybe he didn't even know it himself either.

His brown curls that fell into his face looked like someone had taken a colored pencil and sketched them themselves. I looked down to my fingers, wiggling them to make sure that I was still here. That I was really, actually here.

For a moment, it didn't feel like I was. It felt like I was somehow making this up in my mind, and it was playing out in front of me. I waved my hand lazily, watching the tracers of it blur in front of me.

"I'm really high." I swallowed thickly as I rolled onto my back. I ran a hand through my hair, trying to steady my breathing. Behind my eyelids, it wasn't any better than what I was seeing when I opened them.

There were lines of reds, blues, and purples that exploded into the air. Patterns floated around the back of my eyelids, as if I had paid for my own personal psychedelic show. I let out a shallow breath as I went to place a hand onto my heart, but was caught off guard by someone else's touch.

I opened my eyes carefully, looking above me as I saw Harry's hand interlocked with mine, lacing them together. I blinked hard, watching it morph into one colorful abstract blobs. I fixated my eyes towards him with a slight frown on my lips.

"It's okay, Aurora." He whispered softly as his thumb traced over the top of my hand. "Come with me, yeah?"

Harry sat up from the pillows, his hand still interlocked with mine as he crouched on his feet. I blinked slowly, sitting up to meet his height.

"Where are we going?" I breathed out. When I looked out to the field, it was a little intimidating. The stars lit up the field all the way to the treeline of the woods. The trees danced with each other as the wind gusted against our skin to cool us down.

"We–" He said as he jumped down to the grass, a small smile on his lips. "Are going to create our own reality."

I gazed at him in awe. His smile was brighter than usual, thanks to the acid, but it was gorgeous. If it was any brighter, it may have blinded me. Even in the dead of Fall, he made my skin feel like it was Spring, surrounded by bursts of colors and refreshing air. His laughter that sung deep within him could raise lilacs and daisies from the driest of gardens.

He was a magnet, something I couldn't stay away from. A warm feeling flushed through my body as I felt my heart pull me towards him.

I crawled towards the end of the truck bed, taking his hand into mine as I jumped down. My feet hit the grass, and I let out a slow breath. I knew I was okay, but it was the high that was getting to me.

Maybe I was a little too high after all.

I looked down at the grass, watching the flecks of blades melt from under me. The wind that brushed my skin felt like a gentle hug, and when my blood-shot eyes flicked towards Harry, he stood close to my side. His presence warmed my insides, and my heart knocked against the bones of the cavity that homed it.

"Are you coming with me, Aurora?" His voice rang into my ear as he held our hands up together. I blinked hard, taking a step towards him as my grip tightened around his hand and nodded with a weak smile.

The euphoria I felt when he took off into the field nearly drowned me into a pool of happiness. Our hands interlocked with one another as we ran through the field, my mind that was once too overwhelmed with feeling, now became filled with the purest cocktail of dopamine and serotonin.

I watched the grass as my feet pranced through, and with each step, my feet melted into the dirt. My body felt like it was bouncing on a trampoline, reminding me of when I was a kid and my mom had bought me a small one to put out in the backyard for the summertimes.

Tops of the trees looked like they were breathing with each inhale I took. I let out a childish laugh as I gazed towards the stars that spread across the sky. The light kissed my skin and made me feel like I was glowing. I was my own star-being. I was being brought back to a time where nothing mattered, and they hugged me close to tell me all their secrets of the galaxy.

It brought tears that brimmed my eyeline as I slowed my running down. I let go of Harry's hand, bringing myself to my knees, placing my hands onto the ground. I couldn't help but laugh. It was all so unbelievable.

Being so out in the open in nature like this was like a library, I was eager to learn about everything it had to offer. The trees sang to me as the wind blew through them, immersing me into the most ancient melody they have ever sung.

It felt as though I was knowing of everything about what it had to offer–with my entire being. I peeled away my ego, exposing my soul to the rocks and trees. In this moment, I felt my heart fall out of the cavity of my chest and dig itself deep into the roots of the Earth.

The leaves crunched from under my hands, looking up at Harry who was just a few feet away from me. His breathing was fast, placing his hands onto his hips as his chest rose up and down.

"Aurora, what're you–"

Before he could say anything else, I grabbed a handful of leaves and threw them at him. He flinched, a gasp coming from him before he laughed out. He furrowed his brows, bending down to grab some leaves before running towards me.

"No!" I laughed out, tears streaming down my face as I quickly stood upright. My feet carried me as I ran from him, but I heard him coming up on me close. The downfall of being shorter than he was was that he had longer legs to run faster.

My belly hurt from laughing, and I was nearly breathless. I almost forgot where I was, and it felt so freeing. Before I knew it, I had landed into a pile of leaves. I fell with a thud, but it still didn't stop me from laughing.

Harry came from behind me, a high pitched laugh escaping his lips as he dropped the leaves. He put his hands onto his knees, bending over as giggles spilled from his lips continuously. The leaves crunched from under me, my hands feeling the roughness of them as I let out a soft sigh.

My body sank into the pile as if it was a sinkhole that was inviting me to suffocate in it, and I grabbed ahold of Harry's arm to come down with me. The grass underneath only pulled us down deeper in order to feel the comfort of Earth enwrap us together as one.

I opened my eyes to see him already gazing at me, the moon lighting up one side of his face. His eyes sparkled, twisting the faint colors of his irises that were noticeable in the minimal lighting the moon provided.

We shared laughter, echoing back and forth as it bounced around. The chuckles ricocheted off of each other's skin, tickling us as we buried deeper into the piles of fallen leaves.

My laugh got cut short as his hand shot up to my face, skirting around faintly. It took me off guard, as he looked closely at whatever he was brushing off of my cheek. His touch lingered heavily, sending small sparks of electricity through the atoms underneath my skin. His fingers felt like puddy, melting into me as he grazed them over so quickly.

"Your hair was in the way." He whispered softly, almost causing me to forget that we were just bent over laughing moments ago. "I like to see your face."

His wording caused the corners of my mouth to curl, partially from the awkwardness of the sentence, but mostly from knowing what he meant by it.

"I like to see your face, too." I replied back to him softly. I brushed my own hand in front of him, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear that had also fallen from its usual placement.

The twists and turns of his curls sent a rumbling feeling in my chest. I almost wanted to dive into them, swimming along the ridges as if they were the mightiest waves of the sea. I wanted to drown in them, get lost in that sea of his.

Without thinking twice, I inched my body closer to his. His eyes widened momentarily, but readjusted as he found comfort in the new proximity. Shockingly, there was no awkwardness in the silence that lingered between the two of us as we gazed into one another's eyes. I looked carefully at him as he reciprocated.

I wondered if he was surveying me in the way that I was to him. I wanted to understand him. I wanted to see what his eyes saw, feel what he felt, and hear what he heard.

A small leaf danced in the wind atop his head as my eyes continued to wander along his face and I smiled, plucking it away. I watched behind him as the leaf flew away in its own dance of freedom.

Freedom was all we ever needed in life and it could mean whatever we wanted it to. Tonight I didn't have to second guess every action I took, every action I chose, every breath I breathed. All I had to do was live in the moment and take it as it came.

I found my own freedom in that.

Just do whatever I felt I was supposed to.

Before I knew it, the space between us became nonexistent. His hands wrapped around my back as mine did the same to him, pulling us so close that we were glued together. All I could think about was the way his hands gripped against my back and the way his breaths hit against my lips.

I had never been so close to him before, yet it felt like I wasn't close enough.

My mouth collided with his softly, the breaths from his nose tickling against my skin as our lips moved together. His lips were soft like the skin of a peach, his fingers digging into my back as his breathing quickened.

I couldn't believe we were kissing. It felt so right—none of it wrong. All the silent tension between us had finally been broken, and within that, I felt a weight fall off my shoulders.

My fingers got lost into his hair as I pressed our bodies together, one of my legs swinging over to lock around his hip. My lips parted right as his did, my tongue poking out to slowly trace around his bottom lip. I felt his body shiver against me, a low moan escaping from his throat.

His touch set me on fire, my body screaming on the inside for me to do something. More. More. More. My brain was skewed. I had wanted this for so long, and I hadn't even realized it until now.

His tongue met mine, delicately, rubbing the tip against it. My body temperature rose as our tongues pushed against each other's. His large hand pressed harder against my back, causing my shirt to raise. The more contact I could get of our skin together was all I craved, especially as his fingers danced underneath my shirt. He placed them at the low of my back so he could feel me as if he could read my mind.

We were both breathless with the kiss, messily kissing one another until it turned into feverish making out. I fluttered my eyes open for a mere moment, just to look at the pleasure that spread across his face, but instead was met with something even better.

It was very gentle and vague, but it was there. The outline of his body glowed a beautiful purple color. I blinked hard, making sure that it wasn't the acid that was playing tricks on me, but it was Harry that was glowing.

"Are you okay?" I whispered softly against his lips as my fingers gently rubbed through the scalp of his hair. He breathed out unsteadily, his fingers shaking against my skin as he fluttered his eyes open to look up at me.

"More than okay." He whispered back to me, gulping thickly. "It feels really good to kiss you, Aurora."

I nodded my head slowly, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. I adjusted my hips against his, and in doing so, had felt his cock that pressed hard against his pants. It was apparent, but something that I hadn't noticed when we were sharing a kiss. I looked down between us so I could get a good look at it, a smirk curved on my lips.

"I'm sorry, it's never done anything like this before." Harry whispered out, his cheeks red hot with embarrassment. "I can't seem to control it."

For a moment, I couldn't believe I had just given one of my friends a boner, but then again, I couldn't believe that we were all over each other. And to think, I was the one to give him that bliss of small excitement, one that apparently was his first. Even if it was just his first on Earth, I didn't care. It was hot.

"It's okay. I like it." I whispered to him, placing two fingers under his jaw as I made him look at me. I pressed my lips to him once more, starting to delve my tongue across his bottom lip. He let out a low moan, his tongue meeting mine to rub against.

I adjusted my hips once more to meet his hardened cock, and surely got a reaction out of him when I brushed against it. His tongue went still, his nails digging into my skin as he tried to steady his breathing once more.

I pressed my forehead against his, letting out a shaky breath as my core started to throb. He wasn't the only one that was excited. I could feel myself start to ache in pleasure. And almost as if on cue, Harry bucked his hips forward, just once, and that was it for me.

I placed a hand onto his cheek, pulling our hips together as I rocked mine against his. I knew he needed the relief, and I couldn't imagine the drastic difference in sensation that he was feeling. Harry breathed out into my mouth, his hand quickly going to my hips as he felt my core grind against his throbbing cock.

"Aurora–" He gasped out as his eyes fluttered to the back of his head, pressing his forehead against my cheek. I could hear his breathing start to pick up even quicker, his fingernails were digging so deep into my skin that I thought he was going to break the surface.

"It feels good?" I whispered into his ear, breathlessly, a moan following after it. Harry pressed an open mouth kiss to my jaw, his tongue darting out to lap up my skin carefully. I could feel my arousal spread around in my panties.

"Feels really–fuckin' good." Harry growled against my skin. His hand left my hip as it grabbed the back of my neck and clashed our lips together once more. This time he had control, something that I had never seen of him. This was most certainly a side that I never thought I would have ever seen.

I liked it. Really fucking liked it.

His hand went to the back of my ass, having a tight grip on it as his hips started to roll harshly against mine. He moaned into my mouth, sending shivers down my spine. I felt like I was on cloud-fucking-nine. If we didn't stop now, I was going to take it further–something I wasn't sure if Harry was ready for.

Placing a hand onto his chest, I slowed down the kissing until we came to a full stop. I knew myself. I knew that I would crush under pressure and potentially go further. It was Harry, someone that sparked a fire inside of me, and if anything he had a sense of irresistibility to me. I wasn't sure why, but he just did.

"I'm sorry—" He swallowed thickly, his hips coming to a full stop. I looked down between us, seeing that there was a small wet spot on his zipper. I chuckled. He was wet because of me. It was a proud moment.

I was fortunate he couldn't see the similar fate between my own legs, too.

"Don't be sorry." I said breathlessly, running my hand over his cheek slowly. He stared into my eyes with awe, a glint of adoration. I was looking at him just the same.

"I just—" He pulled from my body, leaving a cold feeling as he rolled onto his back, his eyes fluttering closed. "Give me a second to calm down."

I could have done a lot of things to take care of his problem. It was all in the open for me. I was sure, if prompted, he would have let me, but it seemed that he felt embarrassed for feeling something so strongly. Something that he may have never felt before.

"Have you ever..." I rolled over towards him, gesturing towards his boner that seemed to be calming down. "Had...sex?"

He swallowed thickly, a silence following after my invasive question. His eyes opened slowly, staring up into the sky as he placed his hands onto his chest.

"Back home, yes." He said honestly.

"Is it different?" I scooted myself towards him, placing a hand onto his. I was curious. Was the sensation different? Did they do it differently than humans?

"It's more soul binding than it is pleasurable, but I suppose that you could say that it's different—sensation wise." He glanced towards me out of the corner of his eye. "I'm not blind to the logic of how humans make love to one another, but it is very different on my planet. We can of...blend into one being, if that makes sense."

Soul binding? Blending together? It sounded interesting—almost devastatingly beautiful in a way.

"Oh, okay." I whispered out, nodding towards him. A sudden gust of wind rushed past us, now realizing how chilly it had gotten. How long had we been out here for? It felt like ages, but it couldn't have been more than an hour. Although, my drug-induced mind was never a good timekeeper anyway.

I shivered, rubbing my arms slowly. Harry looked towards me with a frown, noticing how cold I had suddenly become.

"Here." He said softly as he leaned up, pulling the jacket he had off his body before wrapping it around my back. He fixed the arms so it would cover the front of me as well.

"You didn't have to—" I tried to object, but he shook his head, putting a hand up to me.

"Being cold reminds me of home." He said softly as he sank back into the pile of leaves. "It is mostly cold where I am from, so the temperature doesn't bother me all that bad. I actually quite like it."

I hummed again softly, almost envisioning myself on his home planet. I had no idea what it could have possibly looked like, but it was fun to imagine myself walking around on my own drawn-out idea. In my mind, everyone floated in their star-being form. I figured they all resembled what Harry looked like when he showed me his true self, too. They were all beautiful as they brushed past one another. Maybe it was like one big campsite on a moon-like surface. Maybe they could even touch the nearby stars if they wanted to. Its cold touch only tickling against their own fingertips, completely unaffected by the human reality to their environment.

"Should we head back?" I broke in, shifting my attention in his direction.

He blinked at me for a second, as if he was first observing my facial features before he could process the words that came out of my mouth along with it. I partially wondered if he was still seeing the things that I was currently seeing, his face mildly shifting in the darkness. Shockingly, it didn't freak me out at all. Somehow it only seemed to highlight the beauty that was permanently etched into him.

He nodded his head. "Sure, let's go. Although, I'm not quite sure how to get back." A slight twinge of worry twirled in his already-twirling face, but I couldn't help but smile.

"It's okay. I'll get us back. C'mon." I quickly shot myself up, extending a hand down towards him.

It was slightly funny how quickly the air around us had shifted. I had almost forgotten that only moments ago we had the most intimate moment we had ever shared together. That was much more than just a simple hug. It made my stomach jolt lightly as I considered it.

It was just the drugs though, right?

Harry placed his hand into mine, shooting himself up just as quick. It sparked a newfound energy in me and I ran towards the car, giggling as I did so. I didn't look back as I heard him laugh to himself as well. I could imagine the dimples embedded into his cheeks as he grinned behind me, running to catch up.

"Hey! Wait up!" He giggled out breathlessly.

"You were given those long legs for a reason, Starboy!" I yelled over my shoulder.

I could see Ryan's truck coming up, reflecting against the moonlight that shone so brightly above. For some reason, it felt like a rush of warmth seeing it. It was like coming home after a long vacation, ready to sleep in your own bed or breathe your own air. I almost wanted to run up to it and hug it.

My arms pushed against the truck as I used it to stop myself from running into it. I turned behind me to see where Harry was, but he was much closer than I thought as he almost instantaneously met me at my other side.

"You like to run when you're on substances it seems." Harry huffed out in between heavy breaths.

"Running's fun." I smiled, breathing out just as quickly.

He snorted lightly, hanging his head between his shoulders as his arms leaned against the truck. I watched him as his body rose and fell from the influx of breaths from our little adventure. The idea that he looked so human, acted so human – but wasn't – was beyond my mind's current comprehension.

His head shot up, his brows furrowing into a frown. His sudden change in demeanor took me off guard and it made my heart feel heavy in my chest.

"Where's Nina and Ryan?"

I spun my head to the left and right of me, squinting my eyes to allow them to adjust to the distance in the dark. While the moon was shining, it didn't provide much guidance past a certain point. Plus the dancing grass due to tripping wasn't much help either.

"You think they fell asleep?" He asked again, walking off to the side as he squinted his eyes as well. "Should we call her?"

I patted my pockets, pulling the phone from my back pocket. I was a little shocked that I hadn't lost it. It was a common occurrence when I was either drunk or high, my phone always was at fault for my poor decision making during those times.

A buzzing from the truck bed sounded out as I heard the rings coming from my phone.

"Shit." I repeated as I slid the phone back in my pocket. "She left her phone here. Of course."

"What do we do?" Harry asked with a shakiness to his voice.

I didn't want to think of worst-case scenarios. I knew Nina and knew that she wouldn't do anything too stupid. She probably had just run out of view. Honestly, they were probably doing what Harry and I had started – except actually finishing it.

"I'm sure they're okay. We can wait in the truck bed for them if you want. She's done this before, she always comes back." I smiled at him in hopes to ease his nerves.

His face appeared to relax as he nodded his head, pulling himself up into the back of the truck. He leaned out one of his hands as I reached for it, pulling me up.

It was silent for a bit as we adjusted into the makeshift bed that was made. Luckily, sober me wasn't there to judge the comfort of it. I would have been lying if I said I wasn't slightly nervous because she didn't have her phone on her, but I also knew Nina. This was definitely like her, and while I didn't like it, she knew how to handle her own. She was probably having the time of her life just like we were.

"I'll stay awake and wait for her if you want to go to sleep." Harry offered behind me under the covers already.

I shook my head, giggling at him. "You sure? That sounds boring."

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't mind. I just wanna make sure she's okay."

I smiled. I knew sleep wasn't in my near-future forecast, but it had to be approaching eventually. It was hard to resist seeing him all bundled up in the warmth of the covers I brought from home. It was a burnt orange with crochet stitching in the details. My eyes twisted around each knot, losing sight of reality again.

"Aurora?" Harry whispered out in a concerned manner, sitting up from his spot.

My eyes shifted back to him and I instinctively smiled back at him. "I'm good. Yeah, we'll do that."

His expression softened as he lowered himself back down, exposing an opening of the covers for me to join him in. It didn't take any hesitation to venture closer, shimmying my cold body into the warmth of his.

For someone who said he enjoyed the coldness of his home planet, he always seemed to be wrapped with a body temperature that was inviting in the best way. Whether it was in his hugs or when we were wrapped up together, lips clashing into one another's. Feeling his arms wrap tightly around myself only strengthened that feeling that I had initially felt upon running up to the truck.

Home.

Harry felt like home. He was my home.

a/n: long time no see!! i’ve missed u guys and starboy so much. re-reading this chapter was so :’) sunny & i went through a lot of effort with this one so i rly rly hope everyone enjoys it & thank u for sticking around with starboy <3

[myviewoftheuniverse]

I'm socially awkward and that's life

I watched a YouTube video Stop Being Socially Awkward: 10 Behaviors That Make You Look Weird...

my comment on the video I'm extremely happy being weird. My mother never taught me good social skills. It definitely caused me to be left out of groups, gatherings, family events and many other things in life. But this is my life. I'm not perfect and I don't know anyone who is. I know an awful lot of "cool" people that everyone looks up to, whose lives are in complete chaos. I'll stick to being weird, and silly and goofy and enjoying life. I can be serious when needed, but that whole persona is just a facade. I want to be a comfortable me, a happy me. Inside, the "cool" people or "mature" or "professional" people are just like us weird people, but they just don't let it come out. They're able to somehow stay in character all the time. And that is actually what interests me the most. The guy in the video is definitely "himself" and he never waivers. What I wonder is, does he have to work on that every minute of the day? or does it come naturally? Don't you want to laugh in the mirror every now and then? or watch an ant on his travels? or watch the breeze blow through the trees? I like to stare at the Moon, especially with binoculars. I don't know if that's weird or normal. Doing it seems fine, but talking about that is definitely weird. Small talk is an art, if you can master that, you can rule the world. I know many people who ever graduated high school and they are multi-millionaires. They know the art of conversation, and they make people comfortable when they're around them. And people then trust them, and that leads to all kinds of good things in life. Regarding space: I social distance ever since 2020 and I will for the rest of my life. There's a new disease out there and regardless if you're vaccinated or not the virus eats at your organs and if you have any propensity for a disease, then Covid will exacerbate it and it will affect you earlier in life than you expected. The vaccine only helps prevent outside symptoms, it doesn't prevent the virus from attacking your organs and your brain. You don't want Covid under any circumstances. Regarding hygiene: You have poppy seeds in your teeth or something unsightly. You broke your own rule. Regarding space again: You're face is in my face, you're a close talker which means you're a Covid spreader. You need to back off slightly. ....it was an okay video, but biased towards being "cool" and "mature" and "acceptable".....weird and somewhat awkward are fine, it's crazy that we're trying to avoid. most crazy people have guns or are inclined towards violence...I think you're showering those people with platitudes and not addressing the situation, I guess you're calling those people weird? They're crazy bro. I think you mixed it all up now. You don't want to teach those people how to be socially acceptable, then we'll never know who the crazies are. You should redo this video...hmm but then you wouldn't be able to allow the crazy people to see it. They'll learn all the secrets and infiltrate from the inside.....we have a conundrum here, the cool people are just ignoring it because they're cool and they're having too much fun in life, the weird people know it's out there and are terrified of it, and the crazies are preying on all of us at the same time....a quandary indeed Dr. Watson, it's quite an enigma. Stay safe out there, I love you nuts

[yesimwriting]

The Needs of Pain (part 2)

A/n since y’all liked part one!!

... i think i could make a part 3?? we’ll see lol 

This is the LONGEST thing i’ve written on here wow,, and the smuttiest 

Warnings: teasing, oral, unprotected sex (pls this is my first time writing full smut be gentle lol)

-- 

Exhaustion is an odd result of pain. I didn’t think I was that tired after the burn. I certainly didn’t feel sleepy while Kirigan cleaned my shoulder and brushed his soft lips and sharp teeth along my neck to distract me from the pain. Why am I even thinking of that? Of the way his breath felt against my skin, the way his tongue soothed any bites he left against my skin. I breathe out flatly. 

Stop thinking of him. Stop thinking of him in that context--that’s why he did it. He enjoys getting under people’s skin, that’s why he’s always insulting the way I see the world. My hand reaches to my neck, touching my skin where I can still feel his lips on my skin, tracing the faint marks I had seen in the bathroom mirror.

I should have asked the healer to get rid of them before they fully formed, but the thought of showing them to anyone was too embarrassing to bear. I force my hand away, dropping it onto my pillow. 

He had acted so strange today, he had been so blunt. It was a tactic. He wants to be in my head and I’m giving him what he wants. I sigh, rolling over and pulling my duvet further up my body. It’s too hot for this. Ugh. I kick the duvet off of my legs, letting my nightgown wrinkle up my body. Strong hands could pull the fabric up in a similar, yet much more euphoric way. 

No. Who’s thoughts are these? The fact that I picture the same hands that dabbed at my burn earlier today has me questioning my sanity. I can’t sleep like this. Kirigan wanted to be in my head and now he is. Damn him. I can’t stand him which means I can never have him.

Desire has nothing to do with tolerance. The thought leaves my face warm and stomach twisted. 

I sit up sharply, sliding out of bed tiredly. I’ll get some air and everything will be fine. The moon will clear my mind.

The Little Palace is strangely twisting at night, all long shadows and yellow lantern light. I slip out of my room quickly, but my thoughts are not immediately banished with the change of scenery. I must be ill. Infection must have set in regardless of my efforts and the healer sealed it beneath my skin and now it’s impacting me. Fever. I’m delusional with fever. 

“I didn’t take you the kind for a late night trist.” 

His voice leaves the hairs on the back of my neck standing like soldiers at attention. I manifested him the same way people manifest the devil. “Air.” My defense is childish. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d get some air.” 

The sound of even footsteps leaves me frozen in place. “What keeps someone like you awake?” It’s like he can read through me. “Thoughts of me?” 

He can never know. “Obviously.” 

My sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed, he lets out an almost humored breath. “Or perhaps it’s pain.” 

The comment is so confusing I almost don’t realize he’s bringing up my shoulder injury. How had I let him see me so vulnerable? Why did he seem somewhat concerned in his own way? 

“My shoulder’s perfectly fine.” Good. A normal direction for this conversation to head. “It took the Healer all of two minutes.” 

The touch on my shoulder is so sudden I almost jump. Kirigan doesn’t shy away at that, fingers firmly brushing down the skin. “It feels the same.” 

I could scream. His strange observation means nothing to me, but the implication is enough to drive me mad. The implication that he knows my skin well enough to be able to judge whether the healed skin feels different is sickening. I’m tired of this. 

I turn on my heels, all of my tiredness and irritation twisting in me. “Even if it didn’t, it’s none of your concern.” 

“I didn’t realize you were extra irritable when you’re tired.”

Every conversation with him leaves me feeling petulant. “I’m not tired.” I cross my arms, keep my expression set. “I just--I wanted to get some air.” 

“Hm.” He takes a step forward, preparing to close the small distance I’d managed to create between us. “And why is that?” 

The question leaves me irritated in an odd way. A flat way. There’s a narcissistic entitlement in that question. An entitlement to my thoughts. I shrug. “I hoped it’d make me tired.” 

Kirigan draws his eyebrows together, curiosity and something resembling amusement playing at his expression. “If you’d like to be tired, I think I know a few ways to be of assistance.”

A faint, aggravating warmth comes to my face. Not only did my lie earn me a ridiculous innuendo, it’s also trapped me in a corner I cannot escape. Healing from the burn had left me pathetically drowsy. There’s no way he can’t see through me, a tired haze has to be visible on my face. My eyelids feel weighted and I’m too distracted by my deep longing for sleep to hold onto irritation. 

“I’m sure I’ll manage on my own.” The words are not meant to be a challenge, just a way to dismiss him. I don’t think he takes them that way. 

He draws his eyebrows together, eyes threatening to lose that curious quality. Kirigan steps forward, I step back blankly, desperate to keep enough distance to keep what’s left of my wits about me. He ignores my reaction, taking another step forward. I take another step back. My back touches the wall. I am a mouse and he’s an excited cat. 

“You don’t have to,” his voice is too low, too intimate, “I’m not sure that’s something you want to understand.” 

My chin raises just slightly, a silent protest. “Dependency is a fatal flaw.” 

“So is desire,” his reply is much too quick. “Desire is worse, because one can resist dependency based on pride...but desire, that is something that one sacrifices for.” 

Maybe if I was less tired I’d bother to interpret his words a little more. But all I can focus on is his tone--the quality of it. “You sound heavy.” My voice is as light as the night breeze I was craving moments ago. “But you always sound heavy.” It’s the wistful observation of someone slowly disappearing. “At least you’re pretty,” I muse, falling more and more distant by the second.

Something soft breaks across his features, his lips quirking. “Pretty?” 

I rest my back against the wall comfortably, eyes shutting without permission. “I’m sure I’ll regret that comment in a moment.” 

He stays silent, but his presence does not disappear. I can’t tell if I’m glad for it. The warm touch on my shoulder startles me out of my drowsy trance. Panic has me ready to jump off the wall, but Kirigan brushes his thumb up and down my shoulder. His touch sets any skin that comes in contact with him aflame. I shouldn’t find the gesture so comforting. My eyes flutter shut again, my body relaxing against the wall. When my protest dies out before it begins, Kirigan shifts closer. I’m confused, but too at peace to answer. Something velvety and warm brushes against my collar. Soft and warm and electric. He’s kissing my skin again. 

My lips part in hopes of arguing, but when his teeth graze the skin he already marked earlier I’m gone. My eyes shut again, but this time it’s different. Pleasure and drowsiness clear me of all inhibitions as his touch becomes more and more assured. I let him test me, his mouth moving against any and all exposed skin. I don’t even stop him when I feel his hands graze the hem of my nightgown, wrinkling it the way I imagined earlier. 

“Kirigan.” I need to find my strength, but what’s the point of strength when his touch leaves me so warm? The only acknowledgement of my protest he offers me is the lingering squeeze of my thigh before his long fingers begin to graze towards the inside of my thighs. I have no choice but to let his lips brush up my neck, his teeth grazing my skin the way they did earlier today. “Kirigan.” I try to sound firmer, but he destroys the rest of my sentence before I have the chance to get it out. His teeth nip the base of my neck, ruining my protest for a second time.

 Maybe if I was less tired I’d be able to fight him off a little better, but I’m so drowsy I had trouble thinking before he started touching me. My eyes shut in both bliss and exhaustion. His thumb presses into my hip. Something in me stalls as his fingers brush the hem of my underwear--testing me, challenging me. I open my eyes on instinct, but he remains unbothered, slipping his thumb beneath the only fabric that divides us in order to better grip my hip.

I stiffen because of how badly I want to melt. This is bad. This is insane. We’re in a hallway in the middle of the night and he’s General Kirigan. Whatever attraction I feel is another tactic to manipulate me. 

“We need to stop.” The command is weak, my voice as dry as my resolve. 

He angles his head in order to regard me a little better. His expression is one of mock confusion as he smirks. Actually smirks. “Stop what?” False innocence drips from his voice as he leans towards me, expression amused as his lips near my own. “I haven’t even started yet.” My eyes widen, something that amuses him. “Y/n?”

I’m left on edge. I’m left wanting. My lips part flatly, but words feel so distant. “Yes?” 

“What happened earlier?” His voice is the kind of sinful that’s meant to coax. Kirigan brushes his thumb across my shoulder, eyes watching mine cautiously. “How did you get burned?” 

I push against the sultry quality of his voice. “I told you--an accident.” 

“Hm.” His eyebrows draw together in a surprisingly soft way. I stare at him freely, but he ignores my gaze, eyes locked on my newly healed skin. Is he truly that concerned? “Whose accident?” 

I swallow once. “My own.” He still isn’t looking at me. “I’m not exactly the most coordinated person, you’ve witnessed my clumsiness yourself.” 

Kirigan is not convinced. Perhaps he will never fully buy my partial lie. His grip on me hardens. Restraint. I may not be able to win against his paranoia, but I might be able to distract him. Cautiously, I move one hand forward, touching the hand that’s on my shoulder. I hesitate. Touching him without prompting almost feels too intimate. I’m being ridiculous. I brush my fingers against the back of his palm, letting my touch trail up his forearm. 

“Y/n.” My name borders on a warning. 

I suppress a smile, playing into my sleepiness as I tilt my head to the side. “Yes?” 

He doesn’t reply, expression tightening as my hand snares around his wrist, pulling it off my shoulder with more care than I thought myself capable of. The intensity of his gaze is enough to burn me. I turn my full attention to his hand. I’d never admit this out loud, but this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about how objectively attractive his hands are. I kiss each of his knuckles slowly, brushing my lips against his skin tentatively. 

To my surprise, he allows my indulgence. I glance at him through my lashes. Kirigan’s eyes are shut, expression bordering on pained. “Kirigan?” 

He opens his eyes but his expression does not ease. His other hand leaves my thigh, grabbing the low collar of my nightgown with such a fierce speed it takes me a second to realize what’s happening. He pulls me away from the wall in a way that borders on violent. 

“I don’t know who you’re protecting, but I guarantee you they’re not worth it.” The words are acidic. He’s seething. “I grow tired of your resistance.” 

If he hadn’t transformed into something so untamed, I might have had enough gall to tell him I grow tired of being toyed with. I say nothing, instead I take in the abrasiveness of his anger, the tension of his grip on the thin fabric that clothes me. I am unflinching in my assessment in the most tired way possible, eyes struggling not to shut and body desperate to rest, but even more desperate for him. His eyes stare into mine, searching for something I am too far gone to offer. He must realize my sleepiness is genuine because he soon drops his gaze, taking his time in analyzing the even rise and fall of my chest as well as the hint of cleavage his grip on my nightgown is exposing. Pure heat finds itself in my face, chest, and worst of all---core. His staring lacks any shame. 

Kirigan parts his lips as if to speak but then instead takes a moment to lick them. The thought of his tongue in relation to lips only makes the burning in me worse. It’s practically an ache. A needy one. 

“I grow weary of your lack of understanding.” 

Understanding? “What is there to understand?” 

His head angles itself to one side but he doesn’t meet my gaze. The hold he has on me loosens just enough so that his hold on me is no longer taut. That should not disappoint me the way it does. I wait patiently, ignoring the bundle of unexplained nerves in my stomach as best as I can. Something strange colors his features when he finally looks at me again, something almost vulnerable. 

“I brought you here.” He sounds farther from me than ever. “I…” His exhale is gentle, but his expression is quick to harden. “Who are you so willing to protect?”

I must be really tired because his voice sounds like it borders on heart ache. If I didn’t fear Arthur’s safety I’d tell Kirigan everything if it meant his pain would dissipate. I never thought Kirigan’s potential pain would bother me, but now that I’ve seen him look stricken by something so weighted--now that I’ve seen the way he wears pain--I don’t want to be the one to give him that. I want to be the one to give him some kind of sanctuary. The thought leaves me with a desire to flea. 

“Will you just believe me when I say it’s no one?” In a way that’s the truth. Arthur is not particularly significant unless you’re a young Grisha female with a desire for heart ache. “No one worth mentioning at least.” 

He’s quick to retighten his hold on my nightgown, leaving the fabric taut and more of me exposed. “You being desperate to protect them makes them worth interest.” A different response than I expected. 

My lips thin. “Only because it was a small accident. They don’t deserve to be punished over the briefest loss of focus.” 

I take his silence as an indicator that he is considering my words. His free hand finds my shoulder as he pulls me even closer to him by the fabric he’s gripping. “And if I were to revoke the threat of punishment?” His voice is the definition of temptation, low and promising and coddling me with its sinfulness. I still as Kirigan leans forward so that his lips are practically on my ear. “Then would you tell me? If I released you from the binds of your nobility?” My lips part but I have no words prepared. Before I can think of what to say, his lips graze the side of my jaw before his teeth nip at the end of my ear. “Tell me just to humor me.” 

The command doesn’t make sense to me, but from his lips it feels important. “You won’t hurt them for what happened?” 

His voice seems rougher than before, “Would that make a difference?” 

“It would make all the difference.” I don’t like the honesty of my words. 

Kirigan allows one hand to trail down my waist--a gesture I consider obscenely intimate when paired with the soft brush of his lips on my collar. “I already know who.” His voice is a dark hum. “I was always going to know one way or another--but it’s good to know you would have told me.”

My stomach lurches, dread pouring into me like tar. Before fear can force me to take action, Kirigan begins to leave open mouth kisses from the top of my jaw to the bottom of my neck, taking his time to assault any spot of skin with his tongue that he wants. This reminds me too much of earlier--touches meant to distract from pain with the use of pleasure. 

“Are you--” His mouth is now on my collar, threatening to destroy my question. “Are you going to hurt him?”

At that Kirigan straightens. The sudden lack of contact leaves me cold. I shouldn't be thinking of him. Of his touch. “I’m curious,” he draws out each syllable, delighting in my nerves, “Would you bear his punishment?” 

I’m not sure. I hate that. I haven’t known Arthur for that long, and while he’s kind, he also seems to see all women as replaceable. That isn’t reason for him to endure Kirigan’s punishment but I don’t know him well enough to just blindly agree to that. I loathe myself for not being noble enough to take Arthur’s punishment instantly. 

“What kind of punishment?” 

Kirigan’s expression twists into a greedy smile. He pushes me back easily, pressing me into the wall with more confidence than ever. I’m silent in my confusion until he presses himself against me and I feel something hard and bulging press into where I’m neediest. I stifle a gasp of surprise and something similar to pleasure. “I’m sure I could think of something for you.” I’d care more about my confusion if hot need wasn’t flooding my thoughts and my body with undeniable desperation. “I haven’t even spoken to him.” I exhale, untrusting relief desperate to escape me. Kirigan is quick to lean forward, lips brushing my ear as he prepares to whisper. “I’m more likely to harm him because he has your favor than anything else.”

Warmth burns my face. “He doesn’t--he’s not exactly the one that holds my favor.”

The heat of his breath adds to my burning as he presses his bulge into my core again. “And who does?” 

I’m not sure what he considers favor, but if it has anything to do with wanting he wins. But he can never know that. “There are some contenders, but no one yet.” 

His hand moves off my hip and nears my throat. “Would it be too bold to assume I’m on the short list?”

He’s two steps away from taking me in an open hallway, I doubt he finds much bold. “Do you want to be?” 

Kirigan’s hand tightens on my throat. “I’ve made it clear from the beginning what I want.” His words are lethal and each syllable has him restricting my airflow a little more. Something in me must be broken because my neediness only worsens. “I brought you here because I see all that you could be. Forget being a Saint, we could be gods.” The sentiment is so raw it’s almost harder to bear than his tight grip on my neck. He leans close again, his scent only adding to my budding lightheadedness. “Say the word, and I could have you praising me like I’m already a god.” My stomach knots in both nerves and insatiable hunger. “Though I’m the one that would be doing the worshipping.” 

My resolve is shattered, leaving me broken and twisting. He releases his hold on my neck in order to move his hand beneath my chin. There is nothing gentle about the way he jerks my head forward, forcing me to look into his eyes. Something about the look he gives me has me melting. His eyes are searching for something in me.

He must find whatever he’s looking for because I feel his touch against my heat, fingers pressing against fabric. I bite my lip on instinct, suppressing the sound of my undoing. Kirigan’s eyes never leave mine as the hand on my chin moves to brush against my bottom lip. 

“I can only give you what you want if you tell me what that is.” 

He exhales slowly, pressing his thumb against my lip downwards. My mouth parts on instinct, something that he takes well. His thumb enters my mouth slowly, taking in my reaction as I taste his skin on my tongue. Kirigan pulls his thumb away from my tongue slowly, a thin string of saliva connecting him to my mouth. With one swift tug, his free hand pulls the only fabric separating him from where I want him most down my thighs. His expression reveals nothing as his thumb, still wet with my saliva, is pressed against my core. His touch teases my clit, just barely brushing where I need him most. The whine that escapes me is so desperate I’m ashamed I can’t help it. 

“So wet already,” his appraisal is gentle, the praise whispered against my throat as his lips brush against my neck. “So wet, so needy that you’d let me take you in this hallway and I’ve hardly touched you.” His finger presses further into me. I let out another pathetic breath. “A pity, someone like you--so painfully under cared for.” I’m reduced to nothing by his words and touch. “What I’d give to undue you here, against the wall--I’d have you crying so loudly everyone would know that I’ve claimed you, that I’ve made you mine.” Before I can reflect on his words, he steps back, pulling my underwear back up as quickly as he yanked it down. 

I let out an instinctual whine. My hand moves to his arm, grabbing him like he’s the only thing keeping me tethered to the earth. “What--” 

Kirigan squeezes my hand, a predator’s smile on his lips. “I want to feel all of you,” his hand squeezes my hip, “I can’t exactly do that against a wall, dove of mine,” he leans forward, lips brushing against my jaw in a way that leaves me chilled and melting at the same time, “At least not the first time.” 

His whisper forces my breathing to hitch, a fact that he notices with an amused look as his thumb brushes against my collar. Kirigan pulls me away from the wall easily. Even the causal touch feels electric against my skin. 

The walk towards my room is tense, his hands never leaving me as if he’s aware of how necessary it is to keep me distracted to ward off my better sense. When we reach my door, Kirigan opens it like it’s his. Entitled. Typical. 

I step into the room, his touch lingering on my arm. A brief shyness pushes itself into my chest. I had let Kirigan touch me in a public space and lead me back to my room. The door closes. I don’t turn. 

Kirigan’s hand squeezes my shoulder. “Shy, now?” His question is teasing, rekindling the fire beneath my skin as he places an open mouth kiss on my neck. He plays with the thin strap of my nightgown, pushing it off my shoulder. He kisses down my neck, collarbone, and shoulder. My inhibitions are melted away again. “When your breathing stalls like that,” his whisper is enough to elicit a desperate shudder, “I am left desperate.” 

He leans forward, mouth trailing down my chest, coming dangerously close to my breasts. The electric current of his touch is all consuming and addicting. I press my back into his chest. His hands are the opposite of shy, touching me everywhere except where I’m most desperate. Kirigan’s hand places itself between my thighs, using his thumb to tease my entrance. I let out a needy sound. And then he retracts his hand, grabbing my shoulders and turning me in one swift motion. 

“Kirigan.” 

His eyes are dark, clouded by something I don’t understand but am too aware that I reciprocate. “Tell me that I have your favor.” His words are taut, bordering on snapping. Kirigan’s grip on me tightens hard enough to bruise, an assertive need taking over him. “That you want me.”

Desire, pride, and rationality twist in my stomach, leaving me too distracted to form words. My gaze drops to the ground on instinct, something Kirigan clearly finds unacceptable because he’s quick to grab my chin and force my eyes to meet his. 

I swallow once, courage withering beneath the look in his eyes. It’s as twisted as a spindling shadow, but the look is fierce admirational, appreciation so deep I could drown in it. It scares and consols me all at once. “I want you.” There’s something pained about such powerful emotion. I loathe and am empowered by it all at once. “I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” The words leave my throat scorching with their sincerity. 

As soon as the words leave me, he’s closing the distance between us, the slightest exhale of tension leaving his lips before they meet mine, prepared to devour me. I reciprocate his actions on instinct alone. There is no hesitation, no space, and yet it is not enough. Not enough and yet I don’t know how to be closer. But Kirigan does. One of his hands cup my cheek, coaxing me towards him as if I could possibly have the will to leave him. He steps forward, guiding me to step back. I obey fluidly until I feel something hit the back of my legs. It’d startle me if I wasn’t so consumed by his touch.

His mouth begins to move away from my skin. I chase after him, desperate to keep him touching me. He stops me by placing a hand on my shoulder, a warning about my neediness. I pout, but as he studies me I pant. Maybe the excuse for air was a good idea. I don’t fight the uneasiness of my breathing as I hold Kirigan’s gaze. He regards me with a patience I consider unbearable, taking in the determined look in his eyes, my swollen lips, disheveled hair, and the top of my night gown that’s half falling off. 

It’s in this moment I realize how much more vulnerable than him I am. 

If Kirigan notices any shift in me, he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he adjusts his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing the hot skin gently. “You are everything.” His voice is cracking glass. “Everything that’s good, at least.” 

Maybe he did notice my initial reaction because I am no longer certain that I am the one that’s most vulnerable. “You’re better than you think.” I only say this because it would only weigh on me more to stay silent. “I see it and you don’t want me to.” 

His hand continues to stroke my cheek. “I want you to see all of me.” The heavy beating of my heart seems to stall in my chest. Kirigan drops his hand before grasping the hem of my nightgown. He pulls the fabric upwards easily, bundling the fabric above my hip. “I want you to…” He exhales flatly, pulling the fabric upwards even more. Nerves flood my stomach as he leans towards me, kissing down my jaw. “To know me,” he whispers against my throat.

I am nothing but uneven breaths as he mouth moves down my chest, stalling only once he’s reached my breasts. He pushes me forward easily, guiding me so that I’m laying on my bed. He’s quick to move over me, kissing up my neck as he adjusts so that I’m against the headboard.

When he pulls away again, I’m left pouting. He grins, fueled by my disappointment. “Don’t worry,” he breathes, fingers hooking around the waistband of my underwear before tugging it down my legs easily, “I’m nowhere near done with you yet.” 

Being so exposed has my doubts flooding back, but Kirigan is quick to fight against my instincts in a way only he seems capable of. He squeezes the inside of my upper thigh before leaning down, pressing his mouth onto the skin his fingers just touched. His kisses here are meant to leave me even more desperate, each nip and fleeting pass of his tongue is lazy yet intentional. I am incapable of doing else besides letting out pathetic whines. 

He ignores where I need him most, kissing up my thigh, across my lower stomach, and then down my other thigh. Kirigan continues the pattern across my skin, ignoring any pleas I swallow my pride to give. He is not rushed by my words or cries or the occasional desperate adjustment of my hips. 

Kirigan lifts his head slightly, releasing my inner thigh with an obscene ‘pop’. “Patience.” His fingers trail up my thigh and over my core, teasing my entrance with his lithe fingers. “Unless you’re ready to beg?” 

It’s a challenge, like everything else. The urge to give him my pride to satisfy the electric desire I’m not sure I’m capable of bearing. But then I note his tense hold on my thigh. A sign of restraint, of want. 

“And if I want you to beg for me?” I don’t know where the words come from, but they charge the room with potential. 

Something strange crosses his fingers before his lips tilt upwards in a dark way. “Would you like the strength of that? To have someone like me powerless before you?” My face warms. Kirigan leaves a lingering kiss on my thigh before he moves off the bed. I sigh at the loss of contact, but my tired neediness stalls at the sound of his belt coming undone. “I want to see you on your knees.” I sit up carelessly, desperate to obey him. I’m kneeling in front of him in an instant, taking in his length. The size of it has me gaping. “Open your mouth.” 

I take the order more eagerly than I should, but I make no move to take him. This is just another challenge. I keep my eyes on his as I stick my tongue out before licking the bottom of his member all the way up to his tip. The sound he lets out is pure sin. I lick his tip slowly, each motion of my tongue is strategic as I finally place him in my mouth. I hollow my cheeks, moving up and down slowly. 

The pace is not enough for him, he grips my hair from my scalp as he thrusts into my mouth. The motion is more powerful than I expected and I am left unable to breathe. My slight gag does the opposite of discourage him, he repeats the motion again and again, pushing himself into me until I can feel him in my throat. 

The sounds he lets out are a chorus to me, but it’s not enough. I need more control, I need a way to make him beg. I raise a hand, wrapping it around the base that I cannot fit into my mouth. I stroke him once slowly, making a point as I try to push myself back in order to make him want me more. 

He groans again. I make a point of pushing myself off of him. Precum protrudes his tip. I lick it off of him slowly. I lick up and down his member in the smallest way possible. 

“Y/n,” the restraint in his voice fuels my teasing, “Tease me and you’ll still be overwhelmed by want when the sun rises.” 

A pout tugs at my lips before I open my mouth again, taking Kirigan to my limit. He lets me set the pace of my bobs at first, but then he becomes desperate, holding me in place by the roots of my hair as he moans and thrusts into me without restraint. He ignores my choking as he continues until he throws his head back, letting out a quick praise of my name.

He finishes in my mouth and I swallow all he offers me greedly. I back off my knees slowly, throat burning as his member leaves my mouth. “On the bed.” He’s turned into something insatiable. “Now.” 

I move back to my bed, laying in the same position as before. He takes his time approaching me. When he finally gets to me, he kisses my thighs easily. I let out a small breath before something that’s pure pleasure meets my core. His tongue laps upwards lazily, grazing my clit but not quite touching it.  My hips thrust towards his face, but with hand he holds me down. A coil in my stomach continues to build as he angles himself more purposefully, tongue finally taking care of my clit. My gasps become less and less reasonable as he continues to lap at all that my body has to offer. The coil tightens, I see stars--and then, like cruelty personified, he pulls away. His absence leaves me ready to cry out. 

My desperation only fuels Kirigan as he lines himself with my entrance. Concern twists my stomach as I consider how full my mouth felt when he was in me. I expect some level of warning, but he thrusts into me with no warning. I let out a pathetic cry, but that means nothing to him as he pulls out just to thrust into me with full force again.

“Only I can hurt you,” he demands, thrusting into me as I call out his name. My eyes water at the sensation of such fullness, pleasure and pain combining themselves in a way that leaves me incapable of thought. “Your tears,” he muses, one hand moving to wipe at a tear rolling down my cheek, “Are mine.” 

His thrusts become more and more brutal, less and less even. Each movement of his body in mine leaves me begging for more and less at the same time. He continues until the coil in my stomach tenses to the point of breaking. 

“Kirigan,” I manage, voice far away, “I’m going t--”

“I know,” he offers, “finish with me, dove.” His hand finds my throat, adding the slightest bit of restrained pressure. “And do not hold in your cries.” 

Two more sharp thrusts have us both finishing, calling out for each other as we try to draw out the high of our orgasms together. 

We stay intertwined like that for longer than we should, but then Kirigan stands. I envy his ability to do so. I don’t call for him even though I still don’t want to be alone here. A moment later, I hear him approach. I’m too drowsy to ask what he’s doing as a damp towel is wiped against my forehead and inner thighs. 

When he’s finished cleaning me, some raw emotion settles in my chest. “Are you leaving?” 

Kirigan hesitates. “Not if you don’t want me to.” 

I roll over, the motion leaves my body aching. Kirigan accepts my invitation, crawling beneath my sheets and adjusting our bodies so that he can rest his hand on my back. 

--

Tags: @luminous-99 @voyevoda-thejoy @voidmalfoy 

@i-padfootblack-things

 @all-art-is-quite-useless @buckverse @mandowh0re @benbarnes-supremacy

@we-love-our-bandz @fire-in-her-veinz @weirdowithnobeardo @bvudzsoo @kaque @ponyboys-sunsets @coldlilheart @granillx @dreamohlittledreamofme @sanna2020 @zaynzierulez 

@ive-died-everday-waiting-for-you @xxaerynxx @ralesera @tea-effect 

@tranquillitymoon

[asstrolo]

astro notes but it's only an excuse to rant about my own chart

hi!! astro notes but make them my journal so I can complain about my own placements so this is all biased, if it doesn't ✨resonate✨ throw it in a dumpster fire you deserve better

➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵➵

it's true, cancer rising are the pilar of the family, the glue keeping them together but not all cancer risings like their family lol

like your family constantly looking out for you and using you as an excuse to do or say things??? that's your own problem bitch

sagittarius mars has a problem, they break EVERY technological device they own, i used to think it was because of my Uranus in 8h idk why but it ain't

So many other Sagittarius mars break their phones, their headphones, chargers, COMPUTERS???

omg i remembered when I broke my computer playing the sims 2 lol

you just had to be there

i have mars and pluto in the 5th, the sign in my 5th is Scorpio so you can imagine how destructive i get when cReAtIng ArT

but i also bully little kids, and they still like me!!

you do what to kids?

moon in the 7th and only feeling things when they like a person. it's crickets after that

neptune in 7th honestly!! how many people have you really liked? because i can count two and the others were used just as the face of the romantic scenarios i made before going to bed

im pretty sure i didn't even knew their personality but here comes daydreaming

fixed moon people are hot

i just complimented myself

bro wtf is wrong with pisces mercuries i DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING??!! *is a pisces mercury*

have you ever dated an aries venus? yeah me either because aries venus doesn't date they run away

okay yes it's very much true that venus in the 9th likes foreigners and most of the time they have long distance relationships, they just don't like locals lol

but it's also true than that house in venus can make you very optimistic on people you date like, rose-colored glasses, toxic positivity

if he ain't shit break up with him baby you deserve better than an aquarius man!!

we as a society should thank the gods above us that we weren't born with a Scorpio pluto

again, sun in the 9th house has a lot of identity crisis, not only about religion, they question everything that is and isn't

might come from a religious background, regardless of how each individual sees religion, it's common that these people just happen to have a childhood with very religious relatives, or spiritual family, it's very common for them

jupiter in gemini lol you unlucky loser

at least I'm good at writing 😔🖐🏻

also having jupiter and saturn both in the same house should be illegal like

we're aries suns not mass murderers you guys need to chill

be concerned for the sign that has the devil card as their representative, not the emperor card!!

just gave my entire chart away i hope nobody tries to hex me after this 👀👀

[biaswreckme]

caught in a lie | pjm

Part of the Sons of Midas Collab

Summary: As the heir of the King’s Conglomerate, sweetheart Park Jimin has been spending his time at the hospital run by his father, shadowing his footsteps. And it is where his life entangles with yours with lunch dates, caring touches, and whispered promises. But what happens when he finds himself caught in a web of lies?

Pairing: Chaebol!Jimin/Nurse!Reader

Members: Jimin, Jungkook

Length: 8.5k words

Genre: romance, angst, smut, strangers to lovers

Rating: 18+

Triggers/Warnings: explicit sexual content, oral (f and m giving and receiving), fingering (f receiving), lowkey dom!jimin, dry humping, praise kink, accusations involving drugs/meds, lying, incrimination

A/N: This fic is a two-shot part of the Sons of Midas collab. I wanted to start by thanking mars @joheunsaram so much for inviting me to be a part of this incredible collab with such beautifully talented writers ♥ and also for being my beta-reader, thank you so much bb ♥

part one | part two (June 25th)

You were sitting down having your lunch as usual, headphones on, watching a drama on your phone when you noticed someone settling opposite you. You had seen him a handful of times before around the hospital, but he was in a suit that was tailored to fit him perfectly that you could not imagine it being anything but expensive. He was always walking around, observing things, talking to people, but you did not think he was a doctor or another nurse or even anyone who worked there. Maybe he had a chance of being part of admin, but he looked too nice for that. Your train of thoughts was interrupted by his voice, so you paused what you were watching and took off your headphones.

“Hi.”

“Hi?” You were somewhat uncertain, not knowing what he wanted interrupting your lunch, but you noticed he had a tray on the table in front of him.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” His big smile and the way it made his eyes turn into small crescent moons made it impossible to say no, but you looked around and there were empty places.

“Ok?” You asked, confusion stamped across your face. “Do I know you? Did I… do something?” You couldn’t help but ask, this was not an everyday occurrence.

“No, no, I just… I’ve seen you around, you seemed nice, so I wanted to sit here to keep you company, well, if you want to, of course. Whatever it is you’re watching certainly must be more interesting than a random guy asking to sit at your table.” He started to ramble and opened his eyes in shock. “I’m coming off as a total creep, aren’t I? I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone.”

You smiled, shaking your head in negation.

“You’re not, I've seen you around too. I’m Y/n Y/l/n”,” you extended your arm, presenting your hand for him to shake.

“Y/n,” he repeated, almost as if letting your name roll around on his tongue. But he stopped, seeming to think about what he was going to say for a moment before continuing. “I’m P… Jimin. Just Jimin.”

“Well, just Jimin, nice to meet you. If you’ve seen me, you might have figured I’m a nurse here. What about you? You don’t dress like one. Or like a doctor.”

“I’m… I’m a business student.” He hesitated, but he wasn’t sure whether you’d noticed.

“Business?” You asked, your tone clearly indicating you were not happy with his response. “Business… profits and losses are all you care about? This is a hospital, we treat people here, people who need and not always have the conditions to pay for it. This shouldn’t be a business,” you started getting up, and he did the same, hands up in the air as if trying to maintain peace.

“Please, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Please let me explain myself,” he begged, surprised by your reaction. “I’m a business student, yes, but I’ve been going around, trying to get to know the people who work here, the people who are the backbone of this place. People like you, that truly care about the patients.”

You sat there quietly, still unsure about him, but you were willing to listen. And you were glad you did. The more he talked, the more you could see the passion in his eyes the same eye people had said before they saw in yours when you talked about your job. You were still uncertain as to why he was giving you his attention, but for the first time in a while you felt yourself truly seen by someone.

You hated to admit it to yourself, but you were lonely. Moving to Seoul for the nurse position at the hospital had been an impactful decision in your life; it meant leaving everyone you knew behind and moving to a large city by yourself. By then you had some acquaintances, but no one you could truly call a friend. Your tendency to be more introverted and not open up to people that easily both protected and harmed you, but there he was. Jimin - wanting to talk to you, to have lunch, to get to know you. He got you a small bouquet of daisies once, saying he saw them in the florist on the way to the hospital and upon inquiring about their meaning, he said they reminded him of you. And so he took to calling you Daisy, and you started wearing a daisy pin on your scrubs, causing him to smile whenever you crossed paths at the hospital but could not talk to each other.

And soon it turned into a routine. If you had the night shift, he’d usually come by in the morning to have breakfast with you, taking you to the small coffee shop you adored. If you had the day shift, he’d be your company during lunch time at a hidden table at the corner of the cafeteria, choosing to eat your lunch later than usual to not be in any of the gossipers’ radar, your dramas long forgotten during this hour. You would catch up on them later, but you didn’t have to hide behind your screen anymore, in fact, you wouldn’t even touch your phone in his presence. You got to know more about him, but there was still some aura of mystery around his family, with him saying he didn’t feel comfortable talking about them, and you hoped that maybe one day he would feel comfortable enough to open up. But regardless, your conversations were always enthralling and you were filled with sadness when the hour was up.

That is, until the week routine blended into weekends as well, thanks to you taking the initiative. You had taken to cooking for both you and Jimin whenever you knew he would show up, so this proved to be the perfect opportunity - and excuse - to invite him over.

“This is delicious, Y/n,” Jimin started, almost moaning at the taste, “how can you be this good?”

“I’m good at a lot of things,” you decided to be blunt, “cooking in particular, but I have a wide set of skills.”

Jimin just sat there with his mouth open in shock, then blinked rapidly as if to shake some inappropriate thoughts away, but momentarily speechless.

“How about you come to dinner at mine this Saturday?” you asked, deciding to go for it. You liked Jimin and you were pretty sure he also liked you, if all the time you had been spending together was an indication of that.

He took a moment to answer, still seemingly speechless by your forwardness, so you spoke again.

“I’d like to get to know you more outside this hospital, Jimin. We’re always rushing because my hours are crazy, I just… I just want some quiet time with you. And no beeping or smell of disinfectant and people running with a crash cart interrupting our lunch or coffee.” You expressed your tiredness at the situation, always being interrupted by an urgent call or trying to avoid people.

“Tell me when and where and I will be there. I want to be alone with you,” he said, staring into your eyes, then quickly blinked and continued, “I mean, I want some alone time with you too, away from this, not implying anything else, I’m sorry.”

You chuckled; it was rare to see Jimin get flustered over anything at all, it was surely a change, and you could not wait to see what other sides of him you would get to know once you were away and by yourselves.

You opted for a casual dinner, after all, it was at your small apartment, but Jimin’s definition of casual was definitely not the same as yours. He showed up in sinful pants, tight, showing you his muscular thighs - you had learned he was a dancer, yet the muscles that strained the fabric were still a surprise - a black shirt and a leather jacket, which you had carefully put in the hanger by the door, leaving him to roll up his sleeves. You were wearing a black dress, no shoes, and some nice underwear just in case, as you had told yourself.

You had cooked something light, prepared a simple salad, and poured your favorite white wine to accompany the food. Conversation flowed nicely, and it was a nice change in scenery to be able to talk and laugh with Jimin without having to worry about being too loud or calling too much people’s attention. But as nice and calm as the situation was, the tension between the two of you was palpable in the air throughout the dinner. Whenever your fork touched your lips, he would stare, unconsciously licking his lips and taking his own fork to his mouth, his fingers tightening around the silverware.

You had finished eating for a while, just talking at the table when your eyes locked in an intense stare, and you could feel your breath starting to quicken. Jimin licked his lips slowly, his pink tongue darting out and wetting them, and your eyes could not help but focus on the motion. He bit his luscious bottom lip, seeming to think for a second, before closing the distance between your bodies. The position was a little awkward on the sofa, having to turn your bodies, one of your legs bending to give him space to get closer to you. His soft lips pressed onto yours and you felt his tongue seeking permission to deepen the kiss, his hand going to your neck to hold you closer to him, his fingers itching to entangle in your hair. You let out a soft moan when he deepened the kiss, his hand grabbing your neck so tight you could almost feel his short nails on your skin, and you whispered ‘bedroom’ in between kisses.

You wasted no time in pulling him up and towards the bedroom, mentally thanking yourself for having left the condoms in the drawer in your bedside table. It was a small apartment, so it was only a few steps until Jimin was gently pushing you on the bed, stepping out of his socks and hoisting your body up so he could lie on top of you. You opened your legs slightly so he could fit between them, and he slowly rolled his hips into yours as he kissed your neck. You grabbed his hair, your fingers tugging on his blonde strands while you lifted your leg and put it around his hip, pressing down, needing to feel him. Your dress was hoisted up, only the barrier of your lace panties and his pants (and underwear) between your bodies. You could feel his hardness pressing deliciously against you, and you pulled his hair to kiss his lips again.

His hands freed you from your dress, leaving you in the simple pair of lace lingerie, his eyes seemingly darkening seeing your body for the first time.

“You are beautiful, Y/n, such a pretty flower, I can’t believe I’m this lucky” he said, licking his lips while slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

You sat up, helping him in the process, wanting to feel his skin under your fingertips, pushing the garment away from his body. Your fingers immediately went to the side of his body, ghosting over the letters in his tattoo, then going for the deep v on his front. He stood there kneeling on the bed in front of you with his erection straining against his dark pants, and you pressed your hand against it, not hesitating to undo the button and pull down the zipper, and he helped you push it down alongside his underwear. It was a little awkward to take his pants off from his position and both had to maneuver, softly laughing at the moment, the tension and pressure of the first time easing in the room and leaving both of you more comfortable.

He helped you out of our bra, his mouth immediately latching onto one of your nipples, sucking, teasing, biting gently, leaving you a panting mess on the bed while his hand gave attention to the other nipple, pinching it between his thumb and forefinger. You could not keep your moans in, needing to let out your pleasure under his ministrations. You hoisted your hips, trying to have him press against you again when he changed his focus, but he was having none of that. He looked into your eyes while his fingers hooked on the sides of your panties, slowly pulling them down, a string of your wetness visible in the light sticking to the fabric.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he said as if he did not believe it, but continued, “can I taste you?”

You could only nod, spreading your legs further so he could lie between them hoisted by his elbows. You adjusted yourself on the pillows so you could watch him, and his eyes did not stray from yours as he lowered his mouth, his tongue out, that first lick from bottom to top having him moaning and closing his eyes. He circled your clit once with his tongue, wrapping his lips around it to suck on it while holding your legs wide open. He let it go with a pop and looked at you.

“Grab my hair, Daisy,” he ordered, his tone leaving no room for hesitation.

You did as he demanded, your fingers entangling again in his soft hair, pulling him towards you. On a particular flick on your clit that left you breathless you tugged on his strands and he moaned, so you did it again, the vibration against your bundle of nerves increasing the pleasurable sensation that had been building up until you couldn’t stop your hips from moving, chasing the high that you were about to fall from. And just as you were about to reach that delicious edge, he stopped.

“Jimin,” you whined and pulled his hair so he would keep licking you, but he shook his head.

“I wanna feel you come when I’m inside you,” he stated, kissing up your body until he reached your lips and you could taste yourself on his tongue. “Let me…” he started, moving away from you, looking around, but you just reached your hand to the side, pointing to the drawer, understanding what he wanted. His eyes tightened into the tiny crescent moons you adored, his hooded gaze of hunger for you turning you on.

He reached into the furniture and grabbed the bottle of lube and the strip of condoms. He opened the foil packet, rolling the condom on his erection and squeezing the lubricant onto it, lathering himself up. You barely had time to appreciate it for itself; it was average in length, the pink of his bulbous head matching the color of his tongue and swollen-from-kisses lips, and you were certain that you were going to feel the girth tomorrow, already anticipating the heavenly stretch that was about to come.

No words were necessary at the moment. Your bodies joined perfectly as if you were long time lovers, no more awkward touches between the two of you. He moved his hips slowly at first, letting you feel the drag of his thickness on your walls and giving you time to adjust to it, not wanting to hurt you. When you were all but clawing at his back he quickened his hips, rolling them just right to have you clenching the pillows under your head, pleasure overtaking your body. The cadence and way in which he moved his hips showed the dancer in him - you had yet to see him dance, maybe you could convince him to do it naked just for you. You could feel the overwhelming sensation building up again, chasing that high that was approaching quickly yet not fast enough.

And it was as if Jimin knew exactly what you needed, canting his hips up at the same time he pressed on your clit, snapping that coiled band forming inside you. He swallowed your moans with a kiss, moaning into it himself, feeling you tighten around him as he wanted. It did not take long for his hips to falter and you tug on his hair and pull him to an open-mouthed kiss as he came, sweaty lithe yet muscular body shining under the bedroom light with the effort.

“So how was that for dessert?” You asked and he chuckled, his lips pressing against yours, still out of breath.

And so your dates continued, alternating between your place and cozy restaurants, never seeing his place. You had an inkling of why he had been avoiding it, but you decided not to press the issue for the time being, wanting to enjoy him and his company as it came, not wanting to complicate things and push him away if he was not ready for that yet. He was slowly opening up, mentioning his family more, making it clear to you that his last name, still a mystery to you, was linked with affluent and influential people, and you did not want to break the bubble you two were inhabiting. Not yet.

That evening, he had taken you to a small family-owned dumpling restaurant. It was the best one you had ever been to, but what certainly contributed to your high opinion of the place was Jimin. He had been looking so good in the navy blazer and tight black pants, his intense eyes staring into yours throughout the meal that all you were thinking about was rushing home and getting him out of that and under you, above you, whichever way it happened. You learned to read his body and you knew he had been thinking about the same thing, his eyes darknening and his tongue peaking out to softly lick his lips and tease you. Thankfully, the restaurant was not far from your apartment, and once you were inside, he pushed you against the wall, molding his body onto yours, his muscular thigh coming in between your thighs, pressing against your center. You moaned at the feeling and started to slightly move your hips back and forth, letting your weight drop so you could feel his thigh even more. You felt him grabbing your hair and tilting your head to the side so he could kiss your neck, biting it, soothing the sting with his soft tongue. You could barely hear him, his words so low into your ear, his breath hot on your skin.

“You wanna ride me?”

You nodded your head, your mouth opening into a moan. “Yes, please… Jimin...”

“Shh, I’ve got you, Y/n,” he whispered, his lips sucking your earlobe making your legs falter. “Remember your safeword. Use it if you need it.”

He quickly looked around your apartment, pulling you towards your couch and sitting down on it. He tugged on your hands to make you sit on his lap, his legs slightly spread, and the moment you lowered your hips, your center came into contact with his erection. You moaned, pressing down, needing to feel more of him against you. Jimin adjusted himself lower on the sofa and his hands grabbed your hips, forcing them to move back and forth on him, looking into your eyes to gauge your reaction. You closed your eyes, his look paired with the feeling between your legs proving to be too intense for you to sustain his gaze. You could feel him, big and heavy pressed against you deliciously, and you canted your hips up an inch and then he was pressing just right, enhancing your pleasure. Your arms went around his shoulders and you hid your face on his neck, your hips moving slightly faster with the aid of his hands, small whines coming out of your mouth.

“You’re so hot like this, so needy for me,” he tugged on your hair while he said this, “look at me. I wanna see your face, come on, come for me.”

You pressed down harder, your legs trembling when pleasure overtook your body, the tingling spreading from the depths of your belly to the tips of your toes and fingers, and he urged you on, not letting you stop until you the small aftershocks were hitting you and you mumbled that it was too much. He kissed you, his tongue caressing yours as you slowly stepped up from his lap and kneeled between his opened legs, hands reaching to take his pants off. You almost blushed when you saw the wet stains on the front and he smirked. Jimin raised his hips, helping you, his erection finally freed from its confines as you tugged his pants down.

There was a soft stain on the front of his underwear too from where you had humped him, showing how wet you truly were. You mouthed his cock through the fabric, your nose touching the skin above it, inhaling his sweet scent, and it turned you on even more to feel how he’d been preparing for you, how he knew pretty well by this point how much you liked to smell the soft skin starting on his neck, kissing him in trails until his scent inebriated you. You followed the outline of his erection until you reached the bulbous head, snapping down the fabric so you could engulf it with your lips. He moaned and bit his full lips, one of his hands pushing your hair back from your face. You licked the wetness from the small slit, your tongue circling its head while you pulled down the underwear just enough so you could have access to his entire erection and balls. You let some spit dribble out, using your hand to stroke him up and down a couple of times before sucking him into your mouth, slowly moving and fitting more of him.

You felt his breath falter for a second before he inhaled deeply, soft high-pitched moans starting to leave his lips, almost as if he was trying to hide them from you for now but was not able to, the intensity of your touch too much for him to be quiet and not to react. You took deep breaths through your nose as you did it preparing to take his full length inside your mouth, pausing when your nose touched his skin, feeling him at the back of your throat, while you felt his left hand following the trace of your face lightly, caressing your cheek, and moaning very low ‘yes, just like this, please’. You choked once, twice, and then backed up, showing him the tears gathering on your eyes and the string of spit not breaking the connection between you and his member, knowing he liked seeing you getting messy like this - and this evening you had gone light on your makeup, thinking you should have used some more mascara to have it running down your cheeks so he could praise you and look more ruined, but alas, he praised you anyways, those words soft and warm coming from his lips as he pressed your head down again. You wiggled your tongue to lick at his base while going down, his hands tightening on your hair, his balls starting to draw up from the pleasure and you used your hands to give them some attention, caressing them softly as you tasted him.

“If you keep this up I’m not gonna last,” he let out in between moans.

You nodded; it was exactly what you wanted, because as much as he loved seeing you being wrecked, you loved watching him fall apart under your ministrations, knowing you were the one making him lose control and feel this good. You intensified your movements and sucked harder, tightening your mouth around him, getting him deeper into your mouth each time until your lips were pressed directly on his skin, the trimmed hairs tickling you.

“Let me take care of you, Chim,” you said as you let him go with a pop, your voice hoarse. You pressed your mouth on him again, this time more sloppy as you got him closer to the edge, loud slurping sounds coming from you as you focused entirely on his pleasure. You felt his balls tightening under your hands, and you increased the suction, going down fast and choking on him, constricting your throat. His voice was beautiful moaning out your name into the room, thick spurts hitting the back of your throat as you swallow. You let him go, licking him clean, out of breath and throat feeling rough. You could barely catch your breath before he was pulling you up onto his lap again, kissing you deeply and hugging you tight against his chest.

“How about we clean up and I make you some tea?” You heard him speaking, his tone low, not wanting to break too much of the daze. He looked into your eyes, smiling upon seeing you still hazy from giving him pleasure. “I…” he paused, shaking his head as if to let go of a thought and change what he was about to confess, “now let me take care of you.”

You tried to be discreet around the hospital, avoiding prying eyes and gossiping mouths the most you could, but your loving looks and soft passing touches struck the attention of one particular set of eyes.

Unbeknownst to you, Park Jimin, as the heir of his family’s conglomerate and the future chairman of the hospital, was expected to marry well and into another affluent family. More specifically, conversations were being held to reach an agreement for him to marry the beautiful heir of the Choi family, Hyuna. She was his age, went to all the same schools and frequented the same places Park Jimin did. That is, until she could not find him anymore in their usual favorite restaurants and clubs and found out he had been spending almost his entire time at the hospital.

For two people who were supposed to be getting to know each other better to make the engagement official in a few months, she surely missed him. So she took it upon herself to go to the hospital, his future hospital, and find him. It did not take her long to ask around to find he was in the cafeteria - why he would be there completely went over her mind, because he could not be actually eating there, could he?

Not only he could, but he was eating accompanied by someone. It must have been just any nurse, all part of his plan on getting to know the people at the hospital - for what reason she could not fathom, after all, he was going to basically own the place, there were other people who should care for the people. He needed to focus on the business, put his heart into it or else he would get too soft, even softer than he already was for someone who was supposed to inherit the entire conglomerate.

So she let it slide. Until she saw him again with her. And again. And once more that same week, the same month. The pattern became too obvious to her, and it was a sure explanation on why he had been avoiding her texts and invitations for dinners and parties they had an obligation to attend.

So a plan started forming into her mind. She had to get that girl out of the equation, it wasn’t as if she hadn’t done that before - albeit it didn’t work exactly in her favor as she planned when she was much younger and had her eyes on Kim Namjoon. And now Choi Hyuna got what she wanted when she wanted. Nobody, certainly not a no-name little nurse would come in between Jimin and her, not after all the planning and work she did to convince both of their families they would be the perfect match.

You were doing your rounds, visiting the patients on the floor that were under your care, going into one room after the other, checking the monitors and their stats, and comforting the family members that were anxiously waiting for updates. So you entered the room absentmindedly, and abruptly halted, surprised upon seeing who was sitting beside your patient’s son, Jeon Jungkook was his name, if you were not mistaken. Ms. Jeon was one of the most recent patients that fell in your route, and when you saw the familiar blonde man that made your heart flutter every time you even thought of his name you had to pause to collect yourself momentarily.

“Oh, hi,” you stopped, chart in hand, looking at Jimin, a little confused.

“Hello, nurse Y/l/n.” Jimin answered, trying to hide his smile.

“You two know each other?” Jungkook asked, pretending not to know, watching your reactions.

“Yes, uh, we’ve seen each other around the hospital,” you were quick to answer. “he’s been making his rounds as a business student, right?”

“Ah,” Jungkook nods his head. “Right, Jimin is finishing his business grad.”

“I told you, I’ve been getting to know people here. But don’t let us disturb your work. Go ahead.” Jimin gestured with his hands, sitting down to give you space.

You felt shy under his intense gaze, as this was the first time he was watching you work, but you shook your head and focused on the task at hand.

“I think she is mom’s favorite,” Jungkook commented to Jimin, looking carefully at both of you. “Not all the nurses talk to their patients like that.”

“It’s always good to talk to them, explain what you’re doing and what’s going on, even if they can’t respond to it,” you explained, going over the numbers on the monitor. “Alright, Ms. Jeon, everything looks good today. Did your son tell you he has someone with him today?” You lower your body so you can whisper in her ear in a way that they can’t hear, “His companion is quite handsome. I like him a lot. That’s our secret, okay?”

You did not notice, but Jimin was looking at you with such fondness in his eyes that alerted Jungkook, who mouthed a “we need to talk” to him.

“Mr. Jeon,” you said, with a normal tone in your voice, trying not to look at Jimin, telling yourself mentally to be professional. “Your mother seems to be recovering quite well, and from what the doctors have been discussing it seems she might be ready to wake up soon. Good day, excuse me.” You said, leaving the room.

As soon as you stepped out and closed the door, Jungkook looked at Jimin with seriousness stamped across his face.

“What are you doing, hyung?” Jungkook asked.

“What do you mean, Jungkook?” Jimin seemed confused at the question.

“Does she even know who you are? Who you truly are?”

“Not yet.”

“You have to tell her. If you love her you have to tell her the truth. You can’t keep lying.”

“Okay, wait a minute. One, I’m not lying per se. I’m just… omitting some information that could be bad for us. And two, I don’t love her. We’re not there yet. I don’t think so. I… I don’t know.” Jimin sighed, letting his head drop into his hands, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her, the way you talk about her. You can’t just choose and say that you don't love her, that’s now how it works. You just fall in love.” Jungkook said, his eyes shining. “And that’s why you need to tell her you’re Park Jimin. The Park Jimin. It will only get worse if you wait more.”

“I’m scared, Jungkook,” he confessed, shaking his head with his eyes cast down. “I’m scared she’ll run away after learning the truth.”

“The longer you wait the worse it will be, hyung. Does she even have any idea how much money your family has?”

“Not really… I was thinking about inviting her to your birthday as my plus one, could I?”

“You’re not thinking about telling her the truth at the party, are you? Hyung, no! I mean, you can invite her but please tell her before that. She needs to know at least what to expect.”

“I… I’ll see. I’ll invite her and see what I’m going to say…”

“She seems good. And she seems good for you, too. Don’t fuck this up, Mr. Park.”

“I’ll try not to. I like her, Jungkook. I like her a lot,” Jimin sighed again, confessing, “Help me not fuck this up, please.”

Now, you see, Choi Hyuna did not believe herself to be lying about this particular information. She had been introducing herself as Mr. Park’s soon-to-be daughter-in-law, and whenever she got the question of “Oh, Mr. Park Jimin’s girlfriend?”, she corrected them to fiancee (well, soon enough anyways).

Using this, it was easy to learn what she needed about you. It took her a few weeks to gather all the information so as not to arouse too much suspicion, talking to different people around the hospital, to the point in which she had access to your hand-signed charts. Hyuna was particularly proud of her handwriting and signature forging skills, which only helped solidify the plan in her head.

She just needed some copies to show Jimin at the right moment. Until then, she could wait, getting to know her acquaintance at the hospital a little better so he would help her with exactly what she needed to get Y/n away from her man.

He brought up the subject of Jungkook’s birthday party when you were both lying down, sweaty bodies snuggled close, your head resting on his chest, still trying to catch your breaths after the intense and vigorous activities of the night, your body still high strung sensitive from the three orgasms in a short time and sequence, Jimin always trying to do more than the previous times to completely wreck you.

“It’s nothing fancy, just a get together to celebrate his birthday.”

“Yeah, sure, I’d love to go with you. Where is it going to be?”

“At the yacht,” he says nonchalantly.

“Yacht?” You got up onto your elbows, looking at him with disbelief stamped across your face. “Jimin, that’s not nothing fancy, that is probably one of the definitions of fancy if you look it up in the dictionary.” You shook your head, a chuckle almost in a mocking tone coming from your mouth. “I know we are not in the same financial range, but… what should I expect? I’ve tried not to pressure you to talk about your family or friends, but I need to know what I’m getting into. Because if I’m there, I’m going to meet them, aren’t I?”

He nodded in response, affirmatively.

“So I need to know some. I know the topic is uncomfortable and we don’t need to make it an issue, but I’m not going in blind.”

He sighed, pulling up your covers seeing the goosebumps starting to cover your skin at the sweat drying, and turned his body to face you.

“My family is… comfortable.” He opened his eyes wide in surprise at your laugh.

“Jimin, I am comfortable. It’s a small apartment but I earn enough to rent it, get groceries, and have some fun… Are you scared?” He nodded. “Of what? My reaction?” He nodded again in answer to your question, and you were rendered speechless.

“Yes and no? I’m afraid our bubble will no longer exist. It has been good. There has been no pressure to attend parties and pretend to enjoy conversations with people I despise with you by my side. I like being Jimin, your Jimin, not my family or money’s Jimin.”

“If you’re scared of what I’m going to think, this is not going to change what I think about you. I’ve gotten to know you pretty well, and I lov…” you paused, biting your lip, but decided to continue. “I love who you are, Jimin. You care about me, you care about everyone in that hospital, differently from any other man in a suit that has been around. You are thoughtful, kind, and sensitive. I… I love you, Jimin. Even if I don’t know your last name because it comes attached with pressure and probably an insane amount of money, I still love the person that you’ve shown me.”

For what seemed like an eternity, he just stared at you. In his mind, he was taken back to the conversation with Jungkook, reminding how he said he did not love you, that you were not there yet. But looking at you like this, the soft moonlight sneaking in through the partially open window shutters, what seemed like a glow around your body enhanced by the dimmed reading lamp by the bedside table, your cheeks still flushed with pleasure, your hair in disarray, he realized he would not want to be anywhere nor with anyone else but you. His heart pounded in his chest and it was almost as if he could feel it enlarge upon the realization of what he truly felt for you. He brought you closer to his body, kissing you deeply, leaving you out of breath once more.

“I love you, my Daisy.” He confessed in between small kisses on your cheeks, on your forehead, tip of the nose and eyelids, hugging you tight against him. “I’m scared of losing this, of losing you. But you are right, you need to know. I come from money, a lot of money. And when I say a lot, it’s probably more than what you’re imagining. As in this yacht party is nothing, one yacht is nothing really financially speaking, for both my family and my friends’.”

You nod, understanding some; he was sure, you could probably not imagine, but all you cared about was that this would not change what you had and how you felt for each other. You felt warm in his embrace, both body and heart.

“So… Now that I know, can I finally see your place? I’m pretty sure my neighbors are about to start a petition to evict me for all the noises at night…”

He chuckled, lighthearted and feeling free from some of the things that he had been hiding. There were still some details that he chose to omit, but he did not think they were so relevant at the moment. The way your bodies moved with the laughter started to have an effect on him and that he was not able to hide from you.

“How about we give them a true reason to complain?” He asked, pressing his hips against yours, and your laughter died with a moan.

You could barely wait until your shift was over to get home and relax before getting yourself ready for Jungkook’s party. You had come to know him a bit from the time he spent in his mother’s room at the hospital, especially after you found out he was a friend of Jimin’s. But now you were finally going to meet Jimin’s other friends, the ones he mentioned only by name, get to know more about his life and who he was when he was not with you and at the hospital.

You were nervous, knowing the party was in a yacht, and deep down you were scared that the people around him would judge you and him for being with you. He had told you not to worry, that he would be by your side the entire time, and that he was proud to be dating you. You only had to get to the yacht and meet him, and then everything would be alright with him by your side.

“What are you doing?” Your colleague asked upon seeing you looking at Jimin. She had sat down by your table at the cafeteria and you quickly made eye contact with Jimin, trying to signal to him before he came by your table, as you were still keeping your relationship under wraps at the hospital.

“What? Nothing. Just eating my lunch.” You shifted your gaze to your food, avoiding looking in his direction again.

“Girl, get out of your mind. He’s hot, but he is way out of your league. Don’t even dream about it,” she laughed, as if the idea was absurd. “You do know who he is, don’t you?”

You shook your head, pretending not to know, as if you were just admiring him from afar with a crush.

“That’s Park Jimin. From the Parks, you know, owners of the King’s Conglomerate and owners of this fucking hospital.”

To say shock came across your face would not have been enough. Park Jimin?

“You mean as in Mr. Park, the chairman Mr. Park?” You felt a tremor run through your body, a foreign feeling taking over as you learned the entire truth. So that was what he had been hiding from you.

“Yeah, that is his son. He’s been going around the hospital, shadowing his dad and looking at how everything works. I’m pretty sure he might take over soon, the man is surely getting old.”

“I… I had no idea.” You raised your head to look at him, but he was nowhere to be found.

This would not change things. You understood why he had omitted this information, and you had to admit to yourself that although this had the potential to change your relationship, you would fight to not let it happen. Everything had been working out fine. Everything would work out fine.

Jimin was anxious. The party had started, people mingling, drinking, not so subtle glances as the night started to progress. Daisy was about to arrive and he could not wait until he introduced her to the other guys. He kept looking at his phone and around the entrance, her text saying she was waiting for the transportation to the yacht still open. When he looked around again, he was met with Choi Hyuna, smiling and waving discreetly before approaching him. He sighed, thinking that he had been stalling for too long, he needed to tell her about Daisy and end the arrangement, no matter what his parents thought.

“Hi, Jimin,” she said with a wide smile still on her lips, hand clutching her purse tightly.

He nodded with a polite smile, and averted his gaze to search for Daisy again, and Hyuna could not help but notice the motion.

“Expecting someone?” She asked, a soft voice pretending confusion.

“Ah, yes… you’re probably going to meet her tonight, and you and I will have to discuss some things regarding our parents’ wishes.” He began, looking at Hyuna, but missing the way she tightened her fingers around her bag.

“Is everything okay? Who am I going to meet, Jimin? It’s not that nurse you've been seen around the hospital with, is it?” Her voice expressed her surprise and discontent, not being able to hide everything from him.

It was Jimin’s turn to be shocked; he thought he had been careful enough, avoiding people’s eyes, but he should have figured they were not as discreet as he thought. Well, he was one to strike other people’s attention, being who he was, so of course someone had seen him with Daisy.

“That’s her, her name is Y/n.”

“I didn’t want to be the one to break the news to you and here of all places, but I found some shady stuff about her, and if she really is coming, I think it’s for the best that you know this now, let’s go somewhere quieter.” Her acting was on point, convincing Jimin to go with her to a room. When they got there, she continued. “I was at the hospital earlier today looking for you, I know how much time you’ve been spending there, when I noticed something and talked to this other nurse who works there. He let me know some things have been missing, Jimin, meds.” She paused and opened her purse, taking some folded pieces of paper and handing it to him.

He grabbed them, unfolding, and it took him a moment to understand what he was seeing. They were copies of ID logs, schedules, reports on missing meds on carts. He was confused, your signature on some of the documents were not out of place, but he had to gather his strength not to crumple the papers when Hyuna continued.

“Look at the reports and her schedule. It’s too much of a coincidence that those meds suddenly disappeared just when she had her shift on that floor, is it not? And she even dared sign some of those herself! I’m sorry, but she must not be that smart, huh? That’s a crime, Jimin, and you as the future chairman of the hospital need to do something about it. Her colleague will probably make a formal complaint soon enough, he said he would try to talk to her, maybe she has an addiction no one knows about and can get her help…”

Jimin closed his eyes, his heart shattering into innumerous pieces inside his chest. He started shaking with heavy breaths, as pulling air into his lungs seemed like a herculean task. He let the papers fall onto the floor, not caring about them, clutching his hand to his chest, trying to dig into his skin to cradle his fragile heart.

“She must have known she could get more access and get away with it being with you for who you are.” Hyuna’s voice was muffled in his ears, and he signaled for her to leave him alone, not sure if words came out of his mouth, but he heard the door closing.

He didn’t know how long he was there, at some point he dropped to his knees, hands on the floor and hair in disarray; his entire body shaking as if he was cold, a foreign sensation dominating his body. He could have sworn he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket a handful of times, but he didn’t have the strength to look at it.

He heard his name being called, a familiar voice entering the room and closing the door, and he had to clench his teeth to gather whatever energy he had in him to deal with the situation. To deal with you and your betrayal.

You entered the room and saw him on his knees, closing the door quickly to get to him, worried about his state. Someone had let you know where he was, and you went straight into the room.

“How long have you known who I am?” It was the first thing he asked, not looking at you, when you lowered your body in front of him.

“What? I know you’re Jimin, just Jimin, remember? You told me that, but someone told me at the hospital today and I was going to talk to you about it soon but...”

“Today? How can you lie to me after I told you I loved you?” He shook his head, disbelief in his voice.

“I only knew what you told me, another nurse saw me looking at you at the cafeteria, remember the woman who was with me during lunch?”

“What are you on right now?” He finally looked at you, his eyes squinting with anger.

“What are you talking about? Jimin…” You were confused, as if you were having two different conversations.

“Or maybe you’re not on anything, you just sell it, is that it?” He got up slowly, grabbing your arm and taking you with him in the process, making you get up as well.

“I’m confused…” You tried to talk, but he interrupted you abruptly, letting your arm go as if your skin was burning his.

“When did you decide to use me and my family to get away with your problems?”

“I…”

“You know what, I don’t want to know. You broke my heart and my trust with this, I never should have trusted someone whose money…”

“Whose money what, Jimin? You told me it didn’t matter. I certainly don’t care nor want your or your family money. What did I do? I don’t understand!” You exclaimed, frustrated, confused, tears starting to fall from your eyes, his words piercing you.

He silently grabbed the scattered papers from the floor, thrusting them into your hands with force, and you looked at them. How did he have a copy of your schedule? And those signatures, they looked similar, but you did not remember touching any of those documents before. And the missing meds reports… and it suddenly started to dawn on you, but what he said next still shocked you to your core.

“Don’t you dream about stepping foot into the hospital again. If you dare show up next shift, I’ll have you arrested and sued for so much money your little mind can’t even begin to wrap around it,” he spit out, venom in his words, so different from the kind man you knew. “Now get out of here. I don’t want to ever see you again.”

You stood there without any reaction, the impact of his words freezing your body into place while you tried to fully understand the situation. You had nothing to do with those papers, but when you opened your mouth to attempt an explanation, he interrupted you again.

“Don’t worry, I’ll have someone drop whatever you have in your locker. Tell me, will we find shit there too? Or are you too smart to risk it? And how the fuck did you hide this from me?”

“Jimin, I…” you started, shaking your head, but he didn’t let you continue. He opened the door abruptly, turned his back on you and walked towards a security guard, pointing to you inside the room.

You let your tears fall free as you ran towards the same corner from which you entered the yacht, ready to leave, still confused as to who would do this to you. But it didn’t matter, did it? Jimin chose his side, and it was certainly not yours.

As you were getting ready to exit the boat, you were leaving him behind. You were leaving your hope. You were leaving your job. You were leaving your sweet memories with him on the water. You were leaving all the past months, buried in a pile of lies and you had no idea how far they went, how far someone was going to get you away from Jimin. You were leaving your heart, destroyed, stepped on, bleeding, in that room alongside those papers.

And somewhere on that yacht the love of your life was seeking that someone, also leaving behind memories of you.

“Hyuna,” Jimin started, looking at the woman when he finally found her again. He took a deep breath, resigning himself to accept his family plans for him. “We should announce our engagement soon.”

--

taglist: @veronawrites @oftenderweapons-a-companion

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it ♥

[silentexplorer18]

Pen & Ink Soulmates: A Kakashi Hatake Fic

Summary: A partner, they said. Someone compatible with you, they said. Lies. Or the story in which you sneakily convince Kakashi that soulmates aren't all that bad.

Pairing: Kakashi Hatake x Female Reader

Warnings: Soulmate AU, Writing on skin, Minor Violence, Implied/Referenced Torture, Abduction, Minor Injuries, Serious Injuries, Hospitals, Angst with a Happy Ending.

Word Count: 12,100+

Note: For clarity, this fic occurs over a relatively large chunk of time, but it might make more sense to pretend Kakashi joins the ANBU in later teenage years (though we could pretend two high-level Jonin could talk with such maturity at age 13 if we wanted to!). Basically, I didn’t stress a timeline too much, but I hope you still enjoy it as much as I do! :)

Read on AO3 ▪ Masterlist

Hi, soulmate!

Soulmate?

Are you getting my messages?

Let me know if you want to talk.

Can you see the moon where you are?

I found the prettiest flowers today at the market. I wish I could draw you a picture of them.

Do you like flowers? I have a hard time picking a favorite.

You’d been trying. The whole connecting with your soulmate thing was supposed to be exciting and invigorating, but so far it had only left you with the bitter taste of defeat.

A partner, they said. Someone compatible with you, they said.

Lies.

Apparently whoever was supposed to be on the other end of your soul connection didn’t care about the messages you sent. They weren’t as eager to speak with you as you were to speak with them. At least, that’s what you told yourself. The alternative was much, much worse; a fate you weren’t willing to consider.

You had a soulmate. They just weren’t ready to talk yet.

So, you threw yourself into training. Every swift movement and taunt muscle, every hit target and victorious sparring session, all the work left you feeling strong and powerful. When your soulmate met you, maybe they’d regret taking so long when they saw how hard you’d been working, how skilled you’d become.

Thankfully, you had a sparring partner that liked to keep you on your toes. Kakashi had been training with you for about as long as you could remember; he was your closest friend and greatest ally as you worked to become a talented shinobi. Of all the people in the village, he facilitated and supported your growth more than anyone. You could rely on him for almost anything (except for being on time).

But there was one problem.

Kakashi didn’t like talking about soulmates. You couldn’t blame him. Deep emotional connections wasn’t a topic he wanted to dwell on, not after everything that had happened throughout his still-young lifetime. So you kept the conversation civil, even as your heart desperately yearned to talk to someone about your sudden fear of being alone, your deep, unrestrained terror that there was no partner to your soul, no body to receive the messages you delicately penned on the skin under your wrapped arms.

But apparently there was.

You learned that roughly a year later, after many failed attempts and more destroyed pens than you cared to admit.

The amount of times you’d tried to contact your soulmate had dwindled, both due to the lack of response and the influx in your shinobi duties. Regardless, you still took the time to try every once in a while.

Usually, your messages were sweet or silly. A few times, you’d merely asked if anyone was receiving your carefully written words, begging to know there was someone out there for you.

But every sensible person reaches their breaking point. And evidently both you and your soulmate broke in very different ways on the same day.

Good evening, soulmate. I didn’t do much today, but I can give you a run-down if you’d like.

It was a game you’d started a few months into your attempts at contact. Pretending someone was there was much, much easier than thinking about any alternative. So you tried your best to leave messages despite how much it hurt.

Staring at your wrist, you considered the scribble of the letters, the handwriting you only tried to make semi-nice now. That was your soulmate’s fault; you were past the point of a perfect first impression. But what to write today? What could entertain your soulmate, maybe even draw them out? You weren’t sure.

When the first inky letter swirled across your skin, your heart leapt into your throat, and your pen dropped from your hand. Your thoughts of what to write were quickly forgotten. There was someone. There was someone! There was someone waiting for you!

You leaned forward, hand clamped around your wrist to keep it steady as the words appeared on your skin.

You’re putting us both in danger. Stop writing to me.

Well, that certainly wasn’t what you expected.

After all the waiting, after all the time, that’s what your soulmate was willing to give you? Your jaw clenched, hand releasing your wrist so you wouldn’t inadvertently snap it. What a jerk.

How dare your soulmate assume you were incapable! How dare your soulmate treat you like nothing more than a hindrance! How dare your soulmate act like you were some worthless flower that would be trampled over by a single breeze!

You clicked your pen, hand pressing just a skosh too hard into your skin as you carved a message back to whoever that jerk was.

I can take care of myself.

The reply came a few minutes later.

Good. I don’t want you in my life. Leave me alone.

Oh.

Years of waiting for a soulmate, and the one to finally show up didn’t want anything to do with you? Great, just great.

You closed your eyes, hands shaking as you drew your knees closer to your body. Alone. You were alone. No matter who was destined to be by your side, nobody would be there. The tears burned in your eyes, but you tried to keep from shedding them. You were a shinobi. You were strong. You were… alone.

No, no you weren’t. You still had Kakashi and Kurenai. You had Asuma when he bothered to chat with you. You weren’t totally alone. You had people in your life to keep you company. Hell, you were even supposed to meet Kakashi for breakfast tomorrow!

You went over your list of friends in your head, desperately trying to drown out the nagging voice in the back of your mind whispering that the person who mattered most would never want you.

~

Kakashi was late to breakfast the next morning. Even later than usual. You idly wondered if he’d been called on an emergency mission while trying to keep your thin soup down.

The events of the night before rested at the forefront of your mind, making your stomach queasy with the memory of the harsh words.

Your soulmate had washed them off your arm by morning, but the message had already been branded in your mind. There would be no forgetting.

When Kakashi finally deigned to arrive, he looked much worse than usual. It was hardly perceptible to the untrained eye, but you knew something was wrong after so many years of friendship with Kakashi. He was even quieter than he usually was, picking at the cold soup you’d ordered for him.

It had been spur of the moment to order for the both of you, a decision brought on by being too wrapped up in your own thoughts. However, Kakashi didn’t comment on your unusual gesture.

For once, something went your way.

After your relatively brief and quiet meal, you offered to walk with Kakashi to the Hokage Tower, desperately craving the fresh air. He accepted your offer with a half-hearted nod, and you fell into step alongside him, trying to keep up with his impossibly lanky figure.

“You’ve been going to the Hokage Tower a lot lately. Is everything alright?”

Hummed, the sound still gravely from failing to use his voice all morning. “They’re pushing me up to the ANBU.”

You froze. The ANBU? One of the most elite and dangerous positions that a Leaf shinobi could accept? Your best friend—the talent, the protector, the lost child inside willing to throw his life away for the sake of his home, for the people who had left without him—an ANBU?

Kakashi stopped a few paces in front of you, casting a distasteful look over his shoulder at your expression.

“I can handle it. Stop fussing.”

With quick steps, you joined his side again, clenching your fist in embarrassment. “I’m not fussing. I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.”

“We die young as shinobi,” he murmured, continuing his walk toward the tower in the distance. Suddenly, the structure appeared to be looming rather than protecting, and a chill crawled along your spine.

Of course shinobi died young. All bodies gave out eventually, and shinobi would fight until that occurred, regardless of whether or not it was to their detriment (it almost always was). But Kakashi was the most talented shinobi you’d ever encountered. He wouldn’t die young, you hoped. He had so much left to live for, even if he couldn’t see it through the haze of his own pain and guilt.

The remaining walk to the Hokage tower was silent. And afterwards, you took flowers to the memorial stone. You prayed for the dead. And just this once, you begged them to look out for the living, too.

~

The day Kakashi joined the ANBU, you knew. The matching tattoo colored your bicep in sweeping increments, a sharp red rattling your heart within your chest. The reality of your situation washed over you like the worst kind of genjutsu.

Your best friend was your soulmate. And he didn’t want you.

The realization left you shell shocked for a few days, unable to even speak or look at Kakashi. Even without the contact, your mind couldn’t escape from him. However, you eventually managed to safeguard your heart as best as you could. You wouldn’t tell him yet; something within you couldn’t handle that risk of rejection, especially when it would come from Kakashi. But you weren’t willing to throw away the lifetime of friendship the two of you shared. So you put on a smile and met Kakashi at his favorite restaurant, just like usual.

“You haven’t been here for a few days,” he noted as you sat down, watching you intently. “Everything alright?”

You shrugged, fingers trailing down the side of your glass. “Yeah, just wasn’t feeling up to anything.”

It was a partial lie, one Kakashi could easily prod into if he wanted to. But he didn’t. He let you be. And you relished in the way the conversation eventually grew normal between the two of you, right up until he rose from the table, leaving you to pay the bill.

Everything was normal. But you cried again that night anyway.

~

Life fell back into the usual pattern after that. There were times that you could almost pretend the weight on your shoulders wasn’t there. Kakashi was away on more missions with the ANBU, so you were able to bury your head in your training and missions and pretend nothing was wrong. At least, you could pretend until a pen caught your eye.

The words on your skin had been so brutal, and you hoped they were just because of the pain Kakashi had endured. You hoped it came from a place of love rather than hatred; perhaps Kakashi’s intention was protection rather than cold-hearted rejection.

At least, that’s what you thought until you found Kakashi sparring with Gai.

You tried your hardest not to invade their privacy, not to listen to words that weren’t meant for your ears, like the good friend you were, but Kakashi’s voice was too sharp, too defensive, to not draw your attention.

“—but it’s a waste of time, Gai. Soulmates are unnecessary. Especially for people like us.”

“You’re hiding from your future, Kakashi. Wasting all your youthful days that you could be spending with the one who will love you as much as life itself!”

Another failed attack. The clang of clashing kunai.

“A soulmate could only be a liability to me. You know what kind of missions I’m being sent on.”

“They’re your soulmate, Kakashi. Soulmates are built to work together. They fill the cracks like the best kind of glue!”

Kakashi scoffed. There was another clang, the gentle zip of shuriken on the breeze.

“I’d never love them anyway, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’d say something so cruel—”

You turned away, unable to listen anymore. The pain pooled heavy in your gut. The message he’d written hadn’t been a reflexive, angry reaction. His beliefs were set in stone. He didn’t want you.

So, you held your chin up, resigned yourself to eternal loneliness, and pretended the whole soulmate dilemma didn’t exist.

If being Kakashi’s friend was the closest you could get, then you’d ignore the sting in your chest when you looked at him. You’d be his friend. Nothing more.

~

Your resolve lasted a few weeks.

There was whispering. There had always been whispering, but this day was much worse than usual. He’d been mocked, insulted, shamed. Openly. And aside from Gai, nobody had said a word otherwise. You couldn’t stand it, watching him mask the pain as much as he masked his own features. His feigned nonchalance couldn’t fool your perceptive eyes. You’d been watching too closely; you knew him too well.

Curled at your desk that night, you wrote a message on your wrist, scared of talking to him again but unable to leave him alone.

You’re a good person.

Hours passed before you received a response. It was curt, defensive, everything Kakashi carried to protect himself. You don’t know me.

But you did.

Although it was difficult to sleep, you tried your best not to toss and turn too much as you brooded over your feelings. Was it worth saying more? Was it worth risking the hurt, the rejection?

In the morning, you’d made your decision, especially after noticing his words had already been rinsed off your wrist.

Cleaning your own wrist, you wrote the message in your head a thousand times over, only hoping the words wouldn’t hurt you so much when they reached his skin.

You're a good person, Kakashi Hatake. I won't let you tell me otherwise.

~

Kakashi met you for lunch just like usual. You wouldn’t have found anything odd about the meeting, but he showed up on time. Apparently your message had rattled him enough to throw him completely off his rhythm.

Rather than comment on his early appearance, you just smiled as he sat down, choosing to dig into your meal. Kakashi followed suit, pulling out a book while he waited for his bowl.

Silence settled between you, and you let it. After all, you were trying to make the situation appear normal. The last thing you wanted was for him to figure out you were in on the secret that was bothering him. So, the two of you ate. You sipped your tea, glancing out at the people passing on the street until Kakashi finally broke the silence.

“My soulmate knows who I am,” he murmured, setting down his raman bowl.

You plastered on a smile, knowing you had to fake congratulations, had to fake knowing that he had, in fact, zero intentions of finding his soulmate.

“That’s so exciting, Kakashi! I’m glad you’ve finally found yours!”

He laughed dryly, scratching his neck. “It’s not quite like that.”

You tried to neutralize the way your expression dropped. Either Kakashi didn’t notice, nose stuck in his copy of Make Out Paradise, or he didn’t care. You bit your lip, brows furrowing before you could stop them. “How so?”

But you already knew the answer to that.

“I’m not talking to my soulmate,” he said curtly. “It’s not something that interests me.”

You shook your head, sighing softly. He’d never let anyone in, never let anyone close. Kakashi was too reserved for that, and you resigned yourself to the knowledge that he’d never care to change the fate he’d chosen for himself. For such a hopeless romantic, he had a terrible tendency to reject love.

“You’re so foolish, Kakashi,” you whispered, balancing the chopsticks on the rim of your bowl.

His eye snapped to your face. Though he appeared nonchalant, you could tell that he slightly bristled at your words. “You’re one to talk.”

“Mine won’t talk to me,” you pointed out sharply, eyes dropping to refold your napkin.

His expression softened minutely, but his tone stayed firm. “That isn’t what I meant. We’re shinobi, (Y/n). Love in our line of duty is fatal.”

Pursing your lips, you caught his eye again before dropping his stare. “Perhaps,” you murmured, knuckles straining in your lap. “But you can’t say it’s pleasant to live without love.”

He was silent for a moment as you both stared at anywhere but one another. Kakashi was ruminating under your words while you wallowed in the silent pain of listening to your soulmate openly deny your importance. It hurt, but you wouldn’t admit that, least of all not to his face.

Before he could speak again, Gai had clapped Kakashi on the shoulder, greeting him as warmly as ever.

You slipped out of the shop, enough money to cover both your meals pressed into the owner’s hand before either of the shinobi could realize you’d disappeared.

~

Although your conversation with Kakashi had stung deep within your chest, you appreciated the insights it gave you.

Kakashi Hatake was aware his soulmate knew his name. And he was terrified.

The fact that he’d brought it up at all was enough to tell you how jarring the event had been for him. That, and the way he responded at the mere notion of knowing his soulmate. He was like a cornered cat lashing his claws out in terror. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, not his soulmate, not you. But in his desperation to protect himself, reinforce the walls he’d so meticulously crafted to fortify his aching heart, Kakashi Hatake was willing to scratch.

However, you weren’t willing to let it go that easily.

He was scared of having someone care for him. You were willing to start small in the hopes of changing that.

Along the curve of your inner wrist, you swirled the letters that would become the first of many.

Stay safe on your mission.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

~

Today is supposed to be cold. Wear an extra mask.

He didn’t. Worse yet, he chose to do the opposite. Although it was hard to tell, you knew his mask and undershirt were the spring/summer fabrics rather than the fall/winter ones.

The bastard was spiting you. Well, spiting his soulmate. So, unwittingly spiting you.

It was still irksome.

As the two of you wandered around the village, helped the farmers, and even took a leisurely stroll around the village perimeter “just in case,” you relished in the way Kakashi moved. It was obvious he was cold, regretting his unnecessary fashion stance.

But you couldn’t stand to see him cold.

He looked close to dropping to the ground for a rapid succession of push-ups just to rekindle some warmth. As smug as you were about watching him suffer, you weren't willing to let him perform a Gai for a small semblance of relief.

Swiftly, you unlooped your scarf, draping it around his neck unceremoniously. It wasn’t much, but the fabric was warm, and it would certainly help a little.

If only you knew how happy the gesture made him.

As the two of you walked back to the heart of the village, Kakashi walked a little closer to you than normal. And, for some reason, you didn’t really mind.

~

When Kakashi didn’t show up to lunch the following week, you weren’t surprised. You’d only just returned from a mission, and word of Kakashi’s travels had already graced your ears. He was heading to the Village Hidden in the Sand. For what, you weren’t sure. Some missions were still classified even for you.

Despite knowing how skilled Kakashi was, you still worried about him traveling alone through the desert.

The click of your pen hurt a little less when you clicked it now. It helped to know who your soulmate was. It helped to feel like he cared about you still, even when he so clearly loathed his soulmate.

Remember to drink some water today.

A few hours later, you were surprised to see a response scribbled across your inner wrist.

Yes.

Just one word but finally a positive one.

~

Rest when you can.

Kakashi stared at the words delicately placed on his wrist. His mission had taken longer than expected, and he was beginning to think his soulmate knew that.

Whoever they were, they must have been a shinobi like him. A high-ranking one, too, for them to determine the length of time he was supposed to be away for.

He’d been receiving one message per day. At first, it irritated him to no end. But now, he didn’t hate it quite so much, even if he often didn’t bother to reply. The messages were always harmless. Sometimes they were funny. Sometimes they were giving him advice, a little reminder meant—he assumed—to help him through the day.

While the sender certainly had the best intentions when sending the note, the message still left him irked. He was alone for this mission, and the sleeplessness and general strains of traveling had started to take a toll on him.

Only a day’s journey left until he could return home and try to shake the sand out of every nook and cranny of his backpack. Only a day’s journey left until he could sleep in a bed. Only a day’s journey left until he could go to dinner with the others. Just. One. More. Day.

He could make it. He had to.

~

Kakashi had been injured again.

The news swept through the village like a wildfire, and you showed up with two Make Out novels and a bowl of raman, nearly being knocked over by Gai’s comically large bouquet in the process.

Kakashi accepted Gai’s flowers with moderate amounts of grumbling and a few lackluster attempts to get him to leave. Eventually, he did, and it was just the two of you.

You filled the vase at his bedside with water, delicately stuffing as many of the stems as you possibly could inside the glass.

Kakashi watched you move around him, cherishing the silence. At his bedside, you unclasped your bag, pulling out the blindingly colorful books and the container of Ichiraku raman. After making sure the utensils were settled and there was a napkin, you turned back to Kakashi, just missing the warm expression on his face.

“You should rest,” you encouraged gently, “and eat up.”

His eye squinted playfully. “You fuss too much.”

You smiled, smoothing a shuriken printed blanket over the starchy hospital ones. It was yours, but it still smelled faintly of dogs and Kakashi and spice. Hopefully it would stave off some of his nightmares, having something that smelled vaguely like home.

“I fuss just enough. Now, don’t stay up too late reading. Some rest will go a long way.”

“You fuss too—” He yelped as you pinched his toe through the blanket, slinging your bag back over your shoulder.

“You’re lucky you have me as a friend.”

Kakashi’s expression softened, mind racing toward how close he’d come to death yet again. “Yeah, I am.”

He relished in the way that simple statement delighted you, watching the way your expression lit up.

“Get some rest,” you encouraged again, turning to leave him in the bright, quiet room.

As per your request, he did.

~

Although he listened to your advice, it was only marginally. In true Kakashi fashion, he’d talked his way out of the hospital after a measly two days of treatment.

His body needed more time, but Kakashi was always one to push himself.

Since the Hokage stalled sending him on another mission, something he both hated and appreciated, he occupied the following days in his normal rhythm. He trained privately, visited the memorial stone, and wandered the village nose-deep in supposedly trashy romance.

You’d caught him wandering around a few times, and even saw him lightly competing in a challenge against Gai.

The sight made your blood boil even though you knew it was Kakashi being Kakashi.

He had no sense of self-preservation, which wasn’t particularly helpful when you—his soulmate—were watching from the sidelines.

Did he even care that he could leave you all alone? No, probably not, your mind taunted. Kakashi didn’t care about soulmates; you knew that.

If only you could convince your heart not to care.

That afternoon, you let the letters curl across your wrist as you watched him do another training exercise with Gai, looking faintly more fatigued than normal.

Give yourself time to recover.

If he found your message, he didn’t care to respond.

~

Kakashi would visit the memorial stone in the morning; you knew how his routine worked.

He felt it fitting to visit them as often as he could, an apology for living the life they all should have lived.

You couldn’t blame him. You visited the stone often, too.

But you couldn’t today, not while you were traveling to the Village Hidden in the Sand with a scroll. So, you asked for a favor, scribbling on your wrist: Pray for mine, too, please.

He was starting to grow accustomed to your messages. A small part of you wondered if he kept an eye out for them. But that was silly. You were thinking about Kakashi. He probably was just reading his book when the words appeared, his wrist already in his line of sight.

At least, that’s what you told yourself.

But it still didn’t dispel your excitement when the answer scribbled across your skin a few minutes later.

Sure.

~

He’d been taking on so many missions lately, wearing himself to the bone just to be a good shinobi. A part of you wondered if he was trying to avoid thinking about anything other than his shinobi world. That hunch didn’t stop you from worrying.

Soulmate or not, Kakashi’s actions would have worried you. He looked exhausted as he shuffled through his laundry. You’d brought him takeout from his favorite restaurant to hopefully get something other than rations in his stomach before he left on his next mission.

Who knew how long it would be before he drug himself in, requested another trip, and raced off to somewhere new. You would’ve thought he was avoiding you if it weren’t for the obvious delight in his eyes when you caught up with him outside Hokage Tower.

But there was a reason he was working himself to exhaustion. Possibly long-dead memories brought back to life that he couldn’t stand thinking about. You didn’t even want to know; you just wanted him to be okay.

A week later, you saw him walking through the village gates yet again. Back again. Planning to leave again. It was always the same, just relentlessly overkill at present. He was taking on too much, and one day he would slip up and regret it. You didn’t want that.

So you stayed behind the kiosk you’d been perusing, fingers untangling the wraps around your hand. It was a simple message, but you hoped it would help snap his mind out of whatever hole he’d buried it in.

Please don’t overwork yourself.

He didn’t respond. Not a word graced your hopeful skin.

But Kakashi caught you outside one of the stores in town and asked if you wanted to meet up for dinner that night. He would be around for a while, he said, but he was too tired to cook.

Despite trying to hold on to your resolve, a small part of you couldn’t help but hope he was staying because you asked him to. It was probably wishful thinking, but you were grateful for whatever force made him stay nonetheless.

~

I believe in you.

Kakashi scoffed at the message on his arm, printed in the spot where his glove met his sleeve.

He found it after a competition with Gai. Hardly anything worth fussing over, but his soulmate had still sent him encouraging words.

Had they been watching? Had they seen the fun (though he’d never admit it) that he and Gai had been having? Had they wanted to join in?

For a long time, he’d been able to avoid thinking about his soulmate altogether. Now, though, they’d found a way to weasel into his mind with the words swirling over his skin.

He wasn’t willing to consider whether or not he enjoyed it.

~

I worry when you’re reckless.

The message shouldn’t have stung Kakashi’s heart, but somehow it did. His soulmate was watching and worrying, hearing the stories about his travels. Whoever they were, they must have been a shinobi, too.

Were they okay with forsaking love in the name of war? Could they abandon emotions for the sake of duty? Maybe. His soulmate had never directly asked to be anything more than penpals, though even that notion was quite one-sided.

But the message on his wrist betrayed his soulmate’s strength. They worried about him. They listened for the stories and understood when something went wrong.

Kakashi couldn’t help but wonder if they were reckless, too.

If he never took the chance to know them, would he care if they threw their life away as often as he’d tried to? He wasn’t sure.

~

The next Make Out novel comes out today. I reserved you a copy at the Northern bookstore. It’s less crowded.

Kakashi didn’t understand why his soulmate was being so nice to him. Not after his harsh words at the beginning, not after his sparse replies and general lack of interest. But whoever they were, they were trying, and he had to admire that.

At first, he was surprised his soulmate was not only fine with him reading erotic novels in public but also encouraging it. But, then again, his soulmate was meant to be compatible with him, right?

There would be butting heads, of course. All soulmates lost the honeymoon stage eventually. But this seemed deeper, warmer. His favorite book in a quiet shop on his day off. It was kindness. And it felt both strange and wonderful.

He vaguely regretted not doing anything for his soulmate. Though, maybe they were okay with that. Maybe they enjoyed being alone, just like he did.

Maybe if he kept lying to himself, he’d continue to enjoy it.

But crouched in a tree a few hours later, he couldn’t shake the gratitude deep in his chest. The novel was amazing. And he wouldn’t have been able to get his hands on it if it weren’t for his soulmate’s generosity.

Two words.

Thank you.

~

Kakashi had arrived home from another long mission. Although unscathed, his clothes were a mess. Dirt and mud clung to his legs, dried blood was smattered across his upper body, and a few rogue twigs and leaves stuck to him in strange places. He needed a shower. Desperately.

But something within Kakashi was restless, and he chose to wander around the village absently.

Something must have happened for him to look so dazed and unattached, but you tried to avoid asking anything direct in public.

Instead, you hopped beside him, catching his arm with the tips of your fingertips. He hummed in response.

“You just got back, right, Kakashi?”

He hummed again. “Yep.”

“Have you bought groceries?”

“No... Why?”

“A bunch of us are going to dinner tonight. You should come. It’s been a while since we’ve all been together.”

He inspected you for a long moment, and you could tell what he was thinking. The laugh bubbled in your throat before you could help yourself. “It’s Iruka’s turn to take Gai home, don’t worry.”

He stared for a moment longer before nodding slowly. “Okay.” Another small, dazed nod. “I’ll come.”

You couldn’t hide your smile as you told him the establishment and the time. That alone made Kakashi’s mood improve, though he’d never admit that aloud.

An hour later, though, he was still wandering around the city absentmindedly. So you figured his soulmate could take matters into their own hands.

Blood in your hair? Isn’t that a bit macabre?

He replied an hour later.

No.

But the next time you saw him, he was dressed in a new uniform. Not a single pristinely white hair was out of place.

If it hadn’t been for Anko talking your ear off about her last mission, you almost could’ve imagined that you and Kakashi were on a date.

It was the closest you would get, a clean vest and all.

But when Asuma blew a puff of smoke and Kakashi glared disdainfully from across the table, any hopes of romance slipped through your fingers.

You were friends. Close friends.

And you refocused on Anko’s story in the hopes of forgetting the state of your friendship with Kakashi for the span of a few minutes.

Every little glance he sent your way certainly didn’t help.

Nor did the way he offered you the last bite of his cake as a thanks for paying for his meal yet again.

Damn, you were in deep.

~

Be safe on your mission.

His reply came a few minutes later.

Yep.

Although it wasn’t much, the gesture made you smile. It seemed almost like he was waiting for your message, like he’d been checking as he and his companions wandered down the road.

You told yourself it was wishful thinking, but the word scribbled on your wrist in his handwriting warmed your heart all the same.

~

You’d forgotten. The mission had been too complex, your mind too preoccupied. You’d forgotten to write to Kakashi.

A part of you distantly wondered if he cared, if he even thought about your messages.

He’d started to reply on occasion. It was never more than a quickly scrawled, single word response, but it was still better than the total isolation he’d given you before.

You couldn’t say it was great, or that the two of you talked as soulmates. But it was relatively amicable. And that was a much better foot to get off on than the first time he’d responded to the words you’d scribbled words across your arms.

Things were okay.

And although you had a few scrapes and scratches from your mission, that had gone okay, too.

When your team settled in a clearing for the night, tent built and fire glowing, you drifted off, too exhausted to think of sending a scrabbled love message to Kakashi.

But he hadn’t forgotten about you.

Although you assumed he wasn’t paying attention, Kakashi was one of the best ninja in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. He paid attention to everything, despite his usual nonchalance.

He noticed immediately that his soulmate hadn’t written to him.

After weeks of at least one little message per day.

And he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he was terrified. Had something happened to you? Were you injured? Could it be worse?

The idea of soulmates may have left him feeling disgruntled, but your messages had burrowed a home in his heart.

He wasn’t ready to give you or your messages up yet.

So for the first time in a long time, he wrote a real message.

You’re late. Doing okay?

As you watched over the dying flames several hours later, an early morning guard for your teammates, you stared at his words, tracing a finger over the scraggly characters.

Late.

You knew he wasn’t talking about your mission because the four of you weren’t due back for another two days. He didn’t know your identity. That only left the messages…

Was he treating this as a check-in?

You rolled your eyes, chuckling. Leave it to Kakashi to care more than he let on.

Got lost on the path of life. You?

Kakashi stared at your message. He’d been perusing his favorite bookstore for spare copies of the Make Out series’ novels, sleeve suspiciously cuffed and waiting for a reply, when the words had swirled across his skin.

And he laughed. Warmly and purely. Because you’d stolen his line.

You knew him. And maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing if you would continue to make him laugh so openly.

Surprised with himself, he clicked his pen, words scribbling across his skin before he had the chance to doubt himself.

Glad you’re alive.

It wasn’t much, but it was a start. An admission that he wasn’t as dismayed by the soulmate thing as he let on. And you arrived home from your mission absolutely beaming.

~

You were able to catch Kakashi for lunch before heading off on your next mission with Kurenai. The food was filling, and the conversation was nice. Funnily enough, he was supposed to leave for a mission with Gai the next day. No rest for the shinobi apparently.

Kakashi waved at you as you walked away, and you smiled to yourself. Even if you didn’t have your soulmate by your side, at least you still had some connection to Kakashi. Being by his side was worth the dull ache it left in your heart.

But you would be without it for the next few days. Although you and Kurenai were leaving for no more than two days, Kakashi and Gai would probably be gone most of the week. Part of you hated when Kakashi was away, but part of you enjoyed getting to write to him more often. When he was away, you could be a little less secretive as you scribbled down messages throughout your day in the village.

But, for the time being, you’d focus on the mission at hand.

It was a standard case of bandits in the woods. At least, that was what the scroll had described the mission as. However, as you and Kurenai crept through the dense forest, something felt off.

No matter how far the two of you traveled, the quiet whisper of wind in the leaves greeted you. Despite your speed and silence, you couldn’t sense any animals or hear anything suspicious. Bandits would have left campsites or trash or, hell, even footsteps. But nothing greeted your senses, not even traces of animals. These weren’t ordinary bandits.

Your suspicions were confirmed when eight people jumped from the brush, attacking with a swiftness you hadn’t anticipated. Their presences had been completely concealed.

Kurenai lept to your left, and you lept to the right, sending three shuriken through the air to hit the nearest attacker. While your attack worked slightly, you immediately had to jump again, barely catching Kurenai rushing off through the trees.

This was the failsafe plan; if you got caught, you’d separate far enough that you couldn’t catch one another in the crossfire of your attacks.

But you were outmatched. Whoever these “bandits” were, they were extremely skilled in capturing and securing enemies. One moment, you were wielding a fire jutsu. The next moment, your vision had gone dark.

~

Capture wasn’t the only thing the bandits appeared to be skilled in. Upon waking, you’d been tied to a chair with restraints stronger than you could break. The room was dark, probably somewhere underground, and you realized you had no idea how long you’d been unconscious. Was Kurenai okay? Had she been captured, too? What did these people want with you?

None of that mattered, not when the first blow had landed across your exposed side. Whatever these people wanted, you wouldn’t give it. So, you took a deep breath, clenched your teeth, and shut out the world. Your village was valuable to you. The people there mattered to you. And you’d follow your training to the letter, or you’d die trying.

~

Whether it had been hours or days of torture, you weren’t sure. All you knew was that everything hurt, and your vision was starting to go blurry. Despite that, you hadn’t relented. No matter what they threw at your body, no matter what manipulation they tried to play with your mind, you wouldn’t budge.

At the end, at least you’d make the Village Hidden in the Leaves proud.

But there was something that was missing, something you wanted to do before you died, even if it was just selfish, even if it was just a foolish whispering of your heart. You wanted to be buried somewhere your friends could visit. You wanted everyone to know about your end, to know what had happened, to never worry that you were out there somewhere.

You wanted Kakashi to find peace in your death, not guilt.

So there was a secret you had to spill.

You slid the pen from your pocket, clicking it open as you stared at your arm. Slowly, you undid the bandages, greeted once again by blank skin. Swirling the pen across your forearm, you wrote the rough coordinates of your capture on your arm. It wasn’t exact, but hopefully it would be good enough. Then, you wrote the words “urgent note” on your fingertips and wrist, hoping that would encourage him to look. Below the coordinates, you wrote: Abducted by enemies. Not relenting to torture. Getting weak. Send help if possible. Or someone to collect my body. Look at leg later. —(Y/n).

Carefully, you rewrapped your arm, moving to roll your pant leg up. Your hands were shaking, and it was hard to hold the pen, but you had to write to him.

They said the end is coming, and I'm starting to believe them. It hurts a lot. So I'm writing to you. I know you didn't want to deal with the whole soulmate thing, but I couldn't stay away. You were just too wonderful to not stand beside. I'm sorry I didn't leave you be, didn't respect your wishes. But I wanted to be a part of your life. I'm being selfish by writing to you now, but you're the one person I've always been selfish with, so I'm not going to stop at the very end. Please don’t be upset with yourself if I don’t make it.

Your eyes were watering now, vision slightly blurry. Had they drugged you, too? Or was it just the injuries?

I just want you to remember that you’re loved. That I love you. That you deserve to be loved. Please don’t forget that when I’m gone.

Whatever else you wanted to write would not be written. Quietly, the pen clattered out of your hand, and your head slumped forward.

Time was up.

~

Your vision was blurry when your eyes finally blinked open. You were cold, but the ache in your muscles was a reassurance that you were very much alive. Alive and in a hospital, it seemed.

There was a crinkle beside your bed, and you looked up to see Kakashi thumbing through his book.

What had… You blinked, trying to recall exactly what had happened.

There was a mission… you’d been on a mission with Kurenai… right. Then… and then... you were abducted. Yes, you could remember that now. And Kakashi… you remember thinking about Kakashi. Gosh, everything was so damn hazy. You shifted, wincing as you tried to sit up.

“Hey!” His voice was cheerful, and you blinked up at him in surprise at the warmness in his tone. “Good to see you waking up!”

How had he known you were at the hospital? Had Kurenai… Wait, no. No. Hazily, you could recall writing coordinates on your wrist. They weren’t precise, so someone must have looked for you. You couldn’t remember being found. Everything after the last interrogation was too hazy… too confusing. But Kakashi had known… maybe Kakashi had looked for you.

“You made it in time?”

He hummed, closing his book with a thump. “Pakkun found you. Once I knew what to look for, I could rely on his nose.”

You nodded groggily, reaching up to rub your eyes. The ink was still on your wrist, visible due to your unwrapped arms. You’d forgotten about—

“Kakashi, I’m so sorry about the message.” You turned to look at him, eyes wide and embarrassed. “If I knew everything would’ve been fine, then I wouldn’t have—”

His hand rose, and you stopped, heart hammering in your throat. This was it. This would be the rejection.

“I’m glad I had the opportunity to save you.”

Of course. Because he wouldn’t leave a comrade behind; that wasn’t like him.

But that wasn’t the message you were referring to.

If he wasn’t going to bring up the love message, then you wouldn’t, either. “I’m grateful,” you murmured, looking down to finally see the treatment your body had undergone. There were marks everywhere, which meant Kakashi was marked everywhere, too. Marks on the soulmate that didn’t want you…

“I appreciate you waiting,” you forced yourself to say. Maybe he’d get the message and leave you alone.

Instead, he met your awkward sidestep with bluntness. “I figured we should talk.”

Your head felt like it was spinning, and you had the slightest sensation that you were going to be in the hospital for quite a while. It would be embarrassing to be rejected here; it would be embarrassing to cry in front of the nurses.

“Not now,” you croaked, hand scrabbling to grab the invisible cup of water at the bedside. Water, sake, medicine, heck, even the flower water beside you. Anything to push the lump out of your throat. Anything to avoid thinking about Kakashi’s rejection.

You were eyeing up the vase next to you as Kakashi stood, long legs moving to fill a glass by the sink. He handed it to you, assuring your fingers were pressed around the cup before he moved away.

You sent him a grateful half-smile before you swallowed the water like a shot, desperate to drown yourself in something other than your own awkwardness.

“Feel better?”

No, you really didn’t. Your head was still spinning, stomach still queasy. Whether it was from your injuries or Kakashi’s pointed stare, you weren’t sure. “I don’t want to talk about it today. Everything—” you coughed, trying to release the tightness in your throat. “Everything hurts.”

He nodded, humming low in his throat. “I’ll go get a nurse, then.”

You nodded shakily, debating whether or not you could escape from the hospital before he came back. The ache in your side told you moving probably wasn’t the best idea.

“But before I do, I have one question.”

Your head snapped to where he stood by the door, wincing as you did so. “Yes?”

“How did you find out it was me?”

You stared at him for a minute, searching his impassive face. He was one of the best shinobi this village had ever seen, and he was still impossibly clueless sometimes. Slowly, you rolled up your sleeve, revealing a roll of gauze. It was blue, unlike the starchy white medical gauze on your sides. You could fiddle with it; the fabric belonged to you. With nimble fingers, you untied it, letting it pool below your elbow on the bed.

Kakashi stared openly at the ANBU tattoo, and you watched the pieces click into place. He hadn’t even considered what a tattoo would be like for his soulmate.

“I see,” he whispered, fingers unconsciously twitching toward his covered arm. After a moment, he shook himself from his thoughts, gaze again becoming impassive. “I’ll go get the nurses.”

“Kakashi?” you called, shocked as the words left your lips. You hadn’t meant to call out for him, not yet, anyway. But he was standing there staring like you’d held up a practice dummy, focus radiating from him in waves. You had to say something. “Thank you. For saving me… and waiting. And thank Pakkun, too?”

Kakashi’s expression softened. “I will. Now, get some rest. You look exhausted.”

Though, rest was the last thing you would come close to receiving as the doctors gave you a full evaluation. Poking, prodding, and asking questions took up most of the afternoon. Although you tried your best to focus and take in all the information you were given about your physical state, your mind continually strayed to Kakashi. Did he hate you now? Did he want you out of his life? Was he waiting for you or just waiting to ask about the whole soulmates thing? You wished you could quiet the questions swirling through your mind.

That evening, you found a message scribbled across the back of your hand. Although his handwriting was still messy, it was obvious he took his time. He wanted it to be legible.

Get well soon, (Y/n).

It was the first time your soulmate had written your name on his skin. He knew you now. There was no going back to the secretive messages and hidden assurances. Everything was out in the open; Kakashi knew exactly who you were. He knew everything.

That night, you wept.

You wept for the injuries that would bar you from upcoming missions. You wept for the bitter sense of death that had grazed your fingertips. You wept for the compassionate message on your hand. You wept for the fear of being alone again.

You wept for Kakashi and all that he meant to you.

~

Between the crying and the medical evaluations the day prior, you slept well past the time you’d typically rise. Consequently, it was well past the opening of visiting hours, too.

Kakashi arrived before you woke up and tucked himself into a corner with a book. However, he read very little. Instead, he watched the gradual rise and fall of your chest, comforted by the knowledge that you were still breathing.

When “urgent note” had appeared on his fingers, his heart had nearly stopped in his chest. When he read the message printed on his wrist, the sinking sensation had only grown. Fear consumed him more than it had ever consumed him before.

His head had spun with the realization that you were in danger, that you were his soulmate. Summoning his ninkin had happened in a blur. If he was being honest with himself, everything was a blur up until the moment he found you. That moment would live on in crystal clarity in his memory forever.

There are some moments in life too horrific to forget. Finding you unconscious on the floor of a dingy bunker, pen by your side, chest barely moving, would be one of those moments for Kakashi.

The only thing more reassuring than watching you breathe was watching your eyes blink open slowly and focus in on him. He could tell you were nervous about talking to him, and he knew why. The message still hastily scribbled on both of your thighs was more than an acknowledgement of the soulmate bond. It was an admission that you loved him, an admission that you believed in him, that you wanted to stay by his side.

It was also an admission that you believed he didn’t want to stay by your side.

He really needed to talk to you.

“Good morning,” he hummed, tucking his book back in his vest. Smiling, he moved to sit on the chair beside you, feeling it was appropriate now that you were awake. This close, he could smell the antiseptic on your skin, the overbearing flowery scent of the hospital lotion, and the faintest whiff of your shampoo still clinging to your hair despite the days it had been since your last shower.

“G’morning,” you mumbled, stretching lazily. Kakashi watched your movements, chuckling at the way you arched like a happy rabbit after a nap. It was cute and endearing, a movement Kakashi had gotten used to witnessing over the years.

Shifting the other direction, you winced, body instinctively jerking back into a ball. “Ow,” you grumbled, hand moving to put a little pressure on your side. With some effort, you managed to shift into a sitting position, still moving gingerly to somewhat satiate your aching limbs. “I thought I’d feel better today, but I guess not.”

Kakashi snorted dryly. “That’s a bit ambitious, don’t you think?”

You stopped rubbing your shoulder to stare at him. “What do you mean?”

What did he mean? Hadn’t the doctors told you? Surely they would have mentioned… Were you playing dumb or did you really not know? Kakashi stared at you for a moment, scrutinizing your confused expression, before his eyes dropped. He let out a breath, then another, trying to hide the pain blossoming in his chest.

He’d almost lost you.

“You were dying,” he said lowly, gaze fixated on his gloves. “By the time we got you back, we really thought you weren’t…” he shook his head, expression dark. “The medics thought you were already gone.”

It took a moment for you to respond. The doctors said your recovery was astronomical, that you’d been close to death, but the way Kakashi described it, so somber and broken, made the reality of the situation hit home.

You’d almost died. You’d almost lost everything you held dear.

You’d almost lost him.

Glancing back to Kakashi, you found him still lost deep within his thoughts. His expression was dark, fist clenched over his thigh, over what was intended to be your last message to him.

Carefully, you reached out and bushed a hand over his clenched fist. The action drew his attention back to you. “It wasn’t your fault,” you gently offered, stroking the back of his hand once more before pulling away. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that, but it’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”

He huffed, scooting backward in his chair. “I should have got to you sooner! Protected you! If I’d asked, you could have sent me updates. I could have prevented you from getting hurt—”

“Will you stop with the narcissism!” you chided, wincing as you swung your feet over the edge of the bed.

He met your gaze, lone eye blinking once in surprise.

“I took the mission. I accepted the consequences of it. I knew what an infiltration would be like. I knew the chances of getting ambushed. You didn’t endanger me, Kakashi. You weren’t even supposed to be on that mission.” Your voice faded, soft and overwhelmed. “But you saved me anyway.” You ran your thumb under your eyes, catching the tears before they had a chance to fall. “So claim that. Stop… I need you to stop only claiming your failures.”

He clenched his fist, unclenched it, and nodded once. For the first time in a long time, you couldn’t read Kakashi’s body language at all. What was he feeling?

Part of you wanted to reach out and comfort him, but you didn’t. He’d made space between you for a reason. And as upsetting as it was, you were willing to honor that.

After a few minutes of silence, you plucked one of the flowers from the vase beside your bed. “Did Kurenai bring me the flowers?” You smiled, brushing a finger against the petals. “She accidentally picked my favorites.”

When you looked back up, Kakashi was staring at you again, cheek barely pinking over the edge of his mask.

He could read erotic novels in public, but you made him blush.

“Actually, I brought them.”

Freezing, you stared at him in surprise. “You did? How did you—?”

He flushed again, eyes fixing on the flowers rather than your face. “You buy pots of those every spring, but they always die because you’re out on missions. And you take daisies to the memorial stone a few times a month. You leave iris for your parents, and you bring peonies and cookies for the ANBU guards when you have meetings with the Hokage. And on the second Sunday of every month you’re both in town, you hide 100 tulips around the village for Gai to find.” When his eyes snapped back to yours, your shocked expression made him grow self conscious, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’ve, uh, been paying attention.”

“Why?”

He gestured to the room, pretending to misinterpret your question. “It’s so dull in here. I thought a little decorating wouldn’t hurt.”

You snorted at that, impossibly undignified but oh so delightful.

Of course Kakashi would stall now that he was here.

But… no. He was usually blunt when it came to bad news. So why was he stumbling through the conversation like he’d never spoken to you a day in his life?

Your face shot back to him at the realization, and he arched a brow under your scrutiny. Could he like you? Could you have a chance?

“Everything okay?” he asked gently, tone much more serious than before.

You’d worried him.

Before you could respond, Gai burst into the room with the second largest bouquet you’d ever seen in your life.

“(Y/n)! I heard Kakashi was with you, so I figured I’d bring you some flowers on my way to challenge Kakashi to a shuriken throwing challenge!” He set the flowers—which balanced precariously due to their immense size—on your bedside table, giving you a dazzling smile and a thumbs up.

Kakashi sighed, “Well, Gai, I was just here talking to her—”

What if you had been interpreting Kakashi’s expressions all wrong? What if he didn’t like you? What if this was all his way of trying to stay friends? Although you hoped for something else, the fear of rejection clawed at your throat like a Shadow Strangle Jutsu. This was your chance. The chance to get out of Kakashi’s rejection. Gai was the perfect opportunity.

“You should go!” You chirped, smiling at them both.

“I… what?”

“That’s the spirit, (Y/n)! It would be a shame for Kakashi to waste his precious youth not enhancing his physical prowess!” Gai dropped to his hands, beginning to do push-ups on the floor of your room.

Ignoring the incredulous look Kakashi sent your way, you wriggled your fingers at his bag. “What volume are you on? I need something to entertain me while you lavish in your youth.”

Kakashi scoffed at your statement before fishing the Make Out Violence novel from his pouch. He dangled it in front of your face. “Is this what you’re after?”

You grinned, snatching the book from his hands. “This just so happens to be the volume I’ve been waiting for.”

Kakashi blinked in surprise, feeling his face grow warm again. “You read Make Out Paradise?”

You smiled sheepishly under his gaze, fingers tracing over the edge of the cover. “Really, it’s all your fault. It was so boring waiting in line to reserve that new edition for you. I needed something to do.”

Because that gift from his soulmate, that gift had been from you.

“And now you’re moving on to book two?”

Embarrassed but pleased, you grinned up at him. “I may have figured out why you’re so hooked on them.”

Kakashi laughed. Just a short huff, but still. Could you get any more perfect?

He was about to respond again when Gai grabbed his shoulder, already taking his ear off as he dragged Kakashi out the door.

You settled in with your—Kakashi’s— book, pleased for the reprieve but missing him all the same.

~

Delving into Make Out Violence was both a blessing and a curse. You lost track of time as you devoured the pages, and the story was so riveting that you barely thought about Kakashi. Though, every time you took a break, love—that sickening concept you didn’t even want to consider in reality—was at the forefront of your mind. So you dove into the novel again with renewed fervor, completely unaware that Kakashi had hopped through the open window. That is, until a warm voice interrupted your reading.

“Having fun?”

In surprise, you snapped the book shut, embarrassment washing over your expression. “A bit. How was the competition with Gai?”

Kakashi shrugged, dragging the chair he’d occupied that morning so he could sit directly beside your bed. “It was fine. Nothing out of the ordinary for Gai.”

“Thanks for the book,” you murmured, passing it back to him. “Maybe I can borrow another one of your copies again sometime.”

He took the novel, setting it down on the bed beside you, only to take your hand in his.

His hands were warm even through the gloves, and his fingertips traced over your skin delicately, as though afraid his touch would somehow hinder your healing.

“(Y/n), we need to talk.”

Despite only holding your hand, he could sense the way your entire body went rigid. “Kakashi, please—”

“(Y/n). I almost lost my soulmate this week.”

You bit your lip, trying to ignore the faint stinging in your eyes. He was right, you were being selfish. It wasn’t like you were the only one who had a terrible, terrifying week.

You just didn’t want to lose whatever you had with him.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you didn’t bother to mask the strain in your voice. He already knew how you felt about him. “We can be friends. Anything you want. I just… I don’t want to lose this. You. I don’t want to lose you. Even though I was being so selfish—”

“I read your message,” he said softly, gaze fixated on the bend of your wrist as your hand flexed in his own. “I’ve read it so many times,” he laughed, strained from holding onto unshed tears. “I’d get it branded on my body if I could. Parts of it, anyway.”

He shook his head, looking back to your face. He didn’t miss the shocked expression, nor did he miss the tears still frozen within your eyes. He shook his head again. “I can’t believe how lucky I’ve been, that it was you and you were here all along. And then you almost died and I…” He paused, gaze still tracing along the bend of your wrist.

“You..?” With bated breath, you watched his eyes, the pull of his lips through the mask, anything to give away what he was thinking.

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you. Not after how much you’ve grown to mean to me.”

Your heart thundered in your chest. Was he accepting you or rejecting you? Your breath shuddered over your lips, hand trying not to clench his too tightly. “What does that mean? For us?”

Kakashi leaned forward, pressing a masked kiss to your temple. “It means I want to take you for dinner when you get out of here. And—” he stood, letting go of your hand to walk toward the door. The sun was setting. Visiting hours were coming to a close. “Keep the book. I’d hate for you to be bored while I’m gone.”

With that, he vanished from your room, leaving you to wonder exactly what he wanted from you.

Tossing and turning that night, you couldn’t sleep, not with Kakashi’s words ricocheting through your mind. He cared about you, but he was putting distance between you. He was being aloof, just like the cautious jonin he was, but he was exposing vulnerable aspects of his soul to you.

Everything was so damn complicated, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep until you’d gotten an answer to the questions burning a hole in your tongue.

It took a few minutes to sit up, but clicking the pen against your wrist had become second nature to you after so many years. You just wanted to know what he was thinking.

Do you love me?

He scribbled a reply a few minutes later, and you wondered if maybe he was just as terrified as you were, if maybe he couldn’t sleep because he was thinking of you, too.

Not like you want me to, but I could. Someday soon.

The thought sent hope skittering through your chest, but you tamped it down. He hadn’t wanted you. He still probably didn’t want you. You were a liability. You were a danger to his way of life. You were—

Ink stained your hand, trickling down your arm, as you realized the pen had snapped under the strength of your palm.

Without a way to stand on your own, you stared at the drying ink, trying to think of anything other than the fear in your chest, the longing in your heart, the nervousness bubbling under the surface.

Kakashi was stuck to the wall beside your window a few minutes later, staring worriedly through the glass.

An ink stain. Of course, he’d worried something was wrong.

He’d been awake waiting for your reply.

He’d been awake because of you. For you. The thought made you dizzy.

Silently, he slipped through the window, crouching worriedly beside your bed. Whatever pretense of nonchalance he kept up during the day, he dropped it now, just for you. “Are you alright?”

You nodded once, stiffly, mind still racing with the situation. Your friendly banter from the morning disappeared, words dried up as your emotions increased tenfold.

A million thoughts rattled through your mind, but you finally settled on one. “You told Gai you couldn’t love me.”

He cocked his head, confusion furrowing his lone brow.

“You were… it was a training day. You were talking about soulmates. And you told Gai that you couldn’t love a soulmate, so it didn’t matter if you didn’t find them…”

Your eyes were watering, and you looked away until you felt the warmth of Kakashi’s fingers circling your own. His hand clung to yours with renewed fervor, though the interaction still held the same touch of softness that it always held when you were injured. Comfort. It has always been an attempt to comfort you, a silent word of compassion. But now that he knew you were his soulmate, would his gestures hold the same meaning?

His voice, coupled with a gentle tug on your hand, had you vanishing into his gaze yet again.

“Soulmates are supposed to be your other half, right?” he asked softly. “If you’re mine, then maybe the whole soulmate thing can work out.”

Even in the moonlight, you could see the blush peeking over the edge of his mask.

You’d stood beside him through thick and thin. You fussed. You took care of him. You let him take care of you. You bought books for him, and he watched your favorite movies with you. He took you out to your favorite restaurants, and you always paid for him. You trained with the strength of a hurricane, and you always kept him mentally and physically on his toes. But no matter what, you’d both been able to rely on one another. It wasn’t romantic love, not yet, but it was the closest thing Kakashi had ever experienced to romantic love. He was close to being in love with you, and the revelation of the soulmate bond had changed those feelings very little.

He’d always been on the precipice of falling in love with you. Now that he knew you and he were destined for one another, the proposition of falling didn’t seem all that terrible anymore.

“If it’s me, you think it’ll work?”

This time, he flushed fully, pinking to the edge of his hairline. “Yeah. You’re… you’re perfect for me.”

Then, it was your turn to grow bashful under his praise. Perfect. He thought this could work because you were perfect. Not perfect in general. Not perfect to him. But perfect for him, with all of your many imperfections.

He wasn’t in love with you. He wouldn’t say it yet. But he was falling, and that was impossible to ignore.

His words left you lost in another world. All this time, he was rejecting his soulmate for fear they wouldn’t truly be his other half. But you were his other half, and he could see that now. He could love you. He could see a future with you. He could—

Kakashi’s warm voice brought you back to the present, hand still gently squeezing your fingertips. “Did you hurt your hand?”

He cares.

“No,” you whispered, shaking your head. “No, just a little ink.”

Kakashi stood, striding toward the other side of the room. He washed his hands under the sink before returning a moment later, damp rag in hand. This time, he sat on the edge of your bed, hand enveloping your own.

With slow, delicate movements, he swirled the rag across your skin, stealing the ink from your skin almost as effortlessly as he’d stolen your heart. If only you knew how easily you’d done the same.

“I was so scared you’d hate me when you found out,” you whispered. His hand tensed under your own, but he didn’t stop his ministrations. You continued, “Since I kept talking to you, both as your soulmate and myself, I was so worried you would feel betrayed.”

“I did,” he murmured quietly. “At first.” He flipped your hand, wiping away the stray trails of ink that had escaped from your palm. “When I got the message, I couldn’t believe that you’d… after all this time, it was you. And when we found you almost dead, I thought the world was punishing me again, just like everyone else…” Looking away, he began wiping the remaining ink spots off his hand, leaving your fingers to fiddle with the fabric on his knee. “But on the way back, all I could think about was the things I’d said to you. How could you trust me after I so blatantly pushed you away? How could you look me in the eye and put your faith in me when I hurt you so deeply? The fact that you’d tried to stay by my side after everything, the fact that you put your faith in me to keep you safe, after all the things I’d said to you… you never betrayed me. You’ve been by my side all this time, and I want to be by yours. Completely.”

You squeezed his knee, searching his face for any sign of illusion. “Is this real?” you whispered. “I want this to be real.”

Kakashi smiled, eyes crinkling as he took your hand. You looked dazed and happy as you stared at him; he’d never encountered anyone else so stunning.

Before he could stop himself, he leaned forward, brushing a masked kiss over your forehead, then your eyebrow, and finally your cheek. The pressure sent sparks across your skin, and you squeezed his hand a little bit tighter.

He hovered over your lips, breath ghosting across your skin through the durable material of his mask. You leaned forward, nudging his nose with your own. It was a silent message that you wanted his affection as much as he craved yours.

His breath puffed against your lips once again, and his voice, barely audible, filled the minuscule space between you. “Would you mind closing your eyes?”

Instantly, you complied, proving to him yet again how lucky he was to have met you. You put your faith in him time and time again, and he promised himself in that moment under the moonlight that he would do everything he could to be as compassionate a partner as you had been for him.

One of Kakashi’s hands released from yours, and you faintly heard the brush of fabric against skin. Your stomach fluttered as you felt his breath on your face again, warmer and closer than before.

And then his lips caught against yours, a gentle press against your tingling skin. His hand cupped your cheek, and you melted against him. The scratchy blankets and the faint hoot of owls faded into the background. Everything seemed to disappear except for you and Kakashi and the oh so delicate kiss between you. From the brush of his lips, so soft and tentative against your own, you sighed, leaning into him even more than before.

He groaned when the two of you pulled away. “I can’t believe I waited so long for that. Make Out Paradise really doesn’t do it justice.”

Make Out Paradise also hadn’t prepared him for the way his heart would race at the sound of your laughter.

“Are you sure?” you asked, reaching toward your bedside table. “Surely there’s a good passage in here somewhere.”

If it meant more time by your side, Kakashi was willing to spend an eternity searching the pages with you, stealing kisses for every paragraph you skimmed through.

~

In the morning, the nurses were alarmed and horrified to find Kakashi Hatake laying in your bed, one arm wrapped gently around your side, masked nose nuzzled into your neck. On the other side of you, his fingers brushed the cover of a well-worn Make Out Violence novel.

It was indecent, a break of protocol, and, most of all, a shameful mockery of their hospital security. But when you woke to find Kakashi’s nose tucking a little closer into your neck, a mumbled “good morning” slipping into your skin, neither of you could think of a more fitting way to wake up. For the two of you—soulmates, real soulmates—the scenario was somehow perfect.

He wasn’t one to care about looking indecent. You could certainly get behind that.

You welcomed sappy, romantic gestures. Kakashi was willing to privately oblige.

Yeah, you both thought, the soulmate thing could definitely work out.

Masterlist

A/N: Don't mind me casually fandom hopping again. This fic has taken ages to finish, but I'm so excited with the result! I have several more Kakashi fics currently underway, so I hope to get a few of them finished sometime soon! Have a nice day! :)

[jiminrings]

umm maybe this is me projecting bc i am messaging you during my break but for a drabble request, yoongi in a retail setting???? 😐😐😐😐 oc could either be a co-worker or a regular customer who asks too many questions 😔😌

retail-type beat

drabble week: day three

drabble week masterlist

pairing: customer!yoongi x retail worker!reader

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: "hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second. anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

feedback + support mean the world to me!!

the last time you checked, work doesn’t start until nine

you kNEW it doesn’t start until 9 in the morning, so clearly that’s why you’re just wearing slides instead of your sneakers

the company uniform is either black or purple (it has to be from what the store is selling though so you can get to choose) with of course!!!! a lanyard!!!!

and you know this, because you’re still wearing your slides from home because it isn’t opening time yet

“goddamn it, i forgot to bring my slippers,” jin moans the moment he walks to see you, looking down on your feet that only reminds him he’d be stuck in his cool yet painfully uncomfy sneakers

he’s probably the only co-worker that you’re truly close with, not feeling the urge to sell him just to get a free day

“i told you to get the sneakers that nurses use!!”

hands-down one of the best purchases you’ve ever made

retail’s hard and it’s not exactly the best-paying job!!! thankfully the franchise owner is a bit more generous so that’s why you get slightly-higher hourly pay

“i would if they looked a little more seasoned,” jin snorts and stubbornly crosses his arms, “i might sacrifice my pride and buy some compression socks.”

OOOOOH THOSE ARE GOOD TOO

makes you feel like ur walking on air

but lol no seokjin isn’t ready to buy those just yet

he’ll settle on some blisters and putting salonpas patches because they look cooler that way, thank u very much <3

jin yawns, talking about finding a steam iron somewhere to replace a blowdryer so he could break in his shoes

“you wipe the glass this time.”

oh right he absolutely hates wiping down the glass — even before opening!!! even when there aren’t any grubby kids that would soil it instantly with their equally as grubby hands

you don’t mind it honestly

you might honestly like it

you prefer wiping the glass a hundred times over than steaming clothes

there is nOT a single thought in your head when you spray on the solution to the glass, rag and squeegee tucked between your fingers when-

maybe you should’ve hOLY FUCKING SHIT

it’s not opening!!!! it is nOT nine o’clock in the morning!!!!

you know that the shop you’re working in is pretty fucking famous and it’s located on one of the most populated streets ever BUT THERE’S ALREADY SOMEONE

although the bucket hat seems familiar from a distance and-

oh it’s just yoongi

yoongi?

yoongi’s already here????

:O

yoongi, the guy in question, is an always customer!!

no, not a regular customer — an always customer

he comes every week and maybe even twice within that period

he’s a nice talkative customer who likes asking questions and even occasionally guides the other customers on what to buy and where to find it

he’s yoongi!!! of course that’s expected of him

he’s been going here long since you ever started working here, and jin keeps iNSISTING that he’s been here more frequently since you started like a year ago

but doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?

“woah, yoongi’s already here? — doesn’t he come at eleven in the morning?”

?!!?!!

“i was just thinking the exact same thing.”

jin bangs the glass with his fist and you automatically wince and frown

you dO like cleaning the glass panes!! you didn’t say you liked cleaning them a second time :(

“YOONGI!”

“YES??”

you push jin’s fist away to wipe at the smudge his hand left

“IT’S NOT OPENING YET!”

“I KNOW!!”

wow they’re uh

they’re really loud

sometimes you forget how seokjin could be since it’s been awhile since you heard him yell

lol no one’s been shoplifting recently so you haven’t been hearing him

a mind-blowing idea is for jin to come outside and talk to him in a normal talking voice, so your ears would stop ringing

“HEY! WHAT IF YOU JUST ENTER EARLY IN?”

“REALLY? IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED??”

"YOONGI, EVERYONE ON THE FLOOR KNOWS YOUR NAME. NAMJOON EVEN GAVE YOU A CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFT, AND WE DON'T GIVE CUSTOMARY BIRTHDAY GIFTS TO ANY OTHER CUSTOMER!!"

namjoon, who technically should be called mr. kim because no one really thinks to call the franchise owner with their government first name, is actually pretty cool

but he's too busy these days and haven't been visiting because he's too busy tending to his newly-opened coffee shop

as if the money he earns from opening his franchise in a day alone isn’t enough :0

"IF YOU SAY SO?"

you’re the one who hikes up the roll-up door in the slightest, enough for only yoongi to enter and not encourage anyone else to nOT enter when it’s still not opening time!!!!

he only has to crouch a little but he still has to dust his thousand-dollar pants as if he crawled through mud

his cream-colored slacks with a large black hoodie that has a giant bear embroidered on the middle of it and mules

... you don't hate his outfits

pretty cute, actually

it's yoongi!!

you'd never catch him lacking!!!

you don't even have to envision him rocking the shit out a paper bag

one time, he came in the store wearing the WRINKLIEST brown linen jumpsuit that no iron could possibly fix and he still pulled it off

toon-teen-ten!

oh god that’s the sound of the intercom

and the sound of the intercom equates to jungkook

... as in jeon jungkook who’s the floor manager and his constant top one goal for every month is to endearingly annoy seokjin

he’s young and mischievous!! but if you were to ask him, only you and jungkook are the people in this floor he’d actually get drinks with outside the shop

“seokjin come to the lingerie department right now, please.”

you see the thing is :D

“now this is just funny

there’s walkie-talkies for everyone here!! jungkook likes intercoms, and seokjin like yelling!!

“WHY ME AGAIN?? I’VE ALREADY FOLDED-“

“there’s a literal rat and i need yOU to catch it!! you know that i hate rodents!!”

him and jungkook are forever gonna be on this eldest-youngest brother dynamic and while jungkook pouts and shared the extras that he gets, jin is the one who kills the bugs :D

10/10 totally fair

fine then!! he’ll catch that goddamn rat

that leaves you and yoongi. alone.

“why did you come so early this time?”

you ask out of courtesy, genuinely baffled too because you know that yoongi’s a creature of habit

yoongi’s eyes pop out, head fervently shaking no

“i’m typically not the type to do that, no.”

???

is he-

are you-

are you both talking about the same thing

yoongi’s face flushes in embarrassment, his mind just then registering what you were actually saying

“o-oh! it’s because last night, i dreamt of the sweater i saw here last week!!"

oh right

typical :D

"need me to find it for you or do you already know the aisle?"

you align the folded shirts by the corners as you pass, looking at yoongi briefly while he trails behind yoh

“not unless you pulled it out already."

he's hoping that dear god you haven't

the black sweater with the moon aND buildings on it and when you turn on the flash, the windows of said building reflect it right back???

he SHUDDERS just by thinking about it

it’s gonna go with everything!!! an instant boost of serotonin every time he sees it

"for you, yoongi?" you shake your head, a small smile on your face that he only sees every once in a while, "i'd comb through the entire stock room."

wait

that’s sweet :((

“i’ll hold you to that.”

you know what??? you're less cranky when it's only him, and a couple of hundred people less

your smiles aren't for customer-service and you don't have misplaced clothes hanging from your shoulders and your walkie-talkie isn't talking in latin

or when no one’s asking you to reach something from the top shelf

or when you’re on the way to the intercom because a kid got separated from their mother

or when someone’s approaching for a refund for a shirt who has a stain that’s 100% no doubt customer error

his feet immediately move on its own because he’s memorized the outline of this too many times

there it is!!!

the sweater he’s dreamt about is already on his hands, only a handful few left

the piece is considerably more expensive than majority of the items here, so that’s why they’re all spaced-out instead of being clustered altogether

yoongi rarely goes to the dressing room, regardless if it's a full-house or not!!

he could just look at an item and immediately tell that it’s made for him ta know

he's beyond sure that this sweater fits him perfectly, but he may want to be here a little longer

yoongi may have say inside one of the fitting rooms and spent a little time in it just to sit on the chair inside, not fitting the sweater at all

he's gotten his item SO quick and he wished he could've just walked slower or pretended to not know where it was!!!

he wants to spend a little more time here

you don't hate yoongi!!! but sometimes he could just be... yoongi

he's quite talkative and strikes it whenever, making you unguarded

he could be overbearing but like an overbearing kind of nice

yoongi’s nice!! he’s the type to ask a lot of questions sure, but he’s also the type that would point the other customers what to buy and where to find it

he’s the type to find an obvious faulty stitch on a shirt, but he’d just quietly exchange it instead of asking for the manager

he’s the type you wouldn’t want to stand behind in line because it would take a long time for him to finish, but he’s also the same one who buys giftcards with generous amounts for family and friends

yoongi’s kind of cool and that’s cemented on your mind

"what do you got for me?"

he materializes out of nowhere, spooked because you thought he already ringed up and was out of the store already

it just happens to be ten minutes before opening and you’re doing last-minute arrangements on a new spread

well, yoongi most certainly is still here and his attention’s piqued

“we have... a new collection."

you clear your theory, awkwardly gesturing because you’re more than aware that yoongi hasn’t seen this either

“yeah, i know that. but like, what's going on??" he gestures to the displays and racks, squinting his eyes, "what's the theme? what's the material?"

:O

uhm you haven't read the brief about this

you aren't even sURE if there is one!!

doesn't everyone make up something on the spot in retail

or atleast that’s what seokjin tells you

“the theme," you clear your throat, scratching your temple before gesturing towards the full rack, "is everything."

“everything?

yoongi’s eyebrow is raised, not expecting that answer at all

you look back to the new feature, and nOW that you think about it,, there's no cohesion at all

“y-yes. the shop was going for the theme of uhm, everything... all at once — yeah, that's it. everything all at once."

it’s a nice way to put it when not one bit of the new collection goes together

“hmmmm. i like it,” yoongi nods solemnly and tilts his head, “and the material?"

"the material?"

you repeat, eyesight not the best so you can’t really tell anything off the bat or uh aNYTHING really

"t-the material is shirt."

they're all shirts!!! that’s it

yoongi grimaces in disgust, the first time you’ve seen of it

“what?? you can't say that.”

he outsretches his hand to the nearest article, holding it up by the hanger

"this, right here, is satin. see how it shines like silk, but doesn't feel like silk?"

uhm yes

you have a gist of what he’s saying but yes

yoongi picks up a pink button shirt this time, flipping it inside out

"this, is silk charmeuse. look at the inside, is it smooth?"

okay where is he going with this

he urges you to put your hand on the fabric and uhhh you didn't sign up for this???

it looks smooth, sure!! end of discussion

"yea-..."

“it's not. it's rough. it is smooth, but it's dull. silk charmeuse is still silk, but the backing it has is different from the lustrous part."

okay yoongi

you’re starting to feel uncomfortable and it has to do something with the tone he’s using on you

“can't believe you didn't know that!! how about this," he plucks out a shirt with a tiny print at the middle of it, "cotton or polyester and rayon?"

"i don't-"

there’s an itch in your neck that you want to scratch, a tell-tale sign that you just wANT to remove yourself from this situation

“come on!! it's a dead giveaway!!"

:((

why is he being like this?

toon-teen-ten!

“y/n, panty section please. jin almost got bit by a mouse and he needs comforting. two minutes until opening, people!!"

jungkook speaks at the right moment, and jin’s little incident is enough of a reason for you to bolt

yoongi's still looking at you but you can't afford to embarrass yourself further

“bye. happy shopping."

huh?

yoongi’s face falls when you leave as cold as that!! typically when you were going to show him out (when it’s regular shop hours), there’d be a smile :((

there's not even a customer service smile :(((

yoongi goes to the only cashier that's open so far and it happens to be far away from you and a teary seokjin

seokjin's fine he didn't even get bit!! that much he could say

but are you okay? uhhh you kinda went cold on him by the end and he thought he started on a good note

yoongi doesn't visit for another week and you don't find yourself counting the days until you meet him again

you did not have a devil wears prada moment where anne hathaway has an epiphany for fashion knowledge

you just felt belittled at a job that isn’t exactly what you wanted anyways

needed, yes. but wanted? not exactly

you know that basic knowledge about clothes is required in a retail job like this and you have it!! you do!!!!

you’d know more if only there were actual available resources for employees to know!!! nobody besides yoongi asks anyways

you’d know if you have time to yourself and aren’t working two jobs trying to make ends meet and tHEN you could pull up a book or something!!!

you’d know if your life is as lax as yoongi’s and could have the budget to buy new things for yourself every single week

“jin, i need to ask you something.”

he hums as called, looking at you briefly until you get on with it

“do you know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse?"

he shrugs casually while you're sitting inside one of the closed-off fitting rooms to catch a break, sharing a burger because the store’s packed-packed

why did you ask him? it’s too easy

“one's made by worms, and the other's a pokémon."

that,.,., could not possibly be righti* it brings you a laugh and you honestly don’t even try to correct him

it’s 11:15 and you kNOW it’s time to resume your shift, straightening your shirt because atleast one (1) person would hound you when they see a familiar red lanyard

oh you’re hounded alright

“hi! almost thought you were hiding from me for a second.”

yoongi????

oh

you haven’t seen him for a week and you don’t know what to feel in all honesty

"anyways, is this sweater wool or cotton?"

wow

you're quite speechless as he holds up the item

really?

this thing all over again???

why are you even surprised

the only thing that yoongi gets your customer service smile, fishing your hand from inside the sweater to show him

“70% wool."

that's it???

NO GOOD MORNING????

you're mad at him, aren't you?

he knew it :((

he knew something was wrong but he just didn’t know what

he’s gonna fix this!! he will

which is why the very next day, he takes the day off from his work and comes to the store at a time he knows you’d surely be there

you're on cashier duty and you like it actually :D

you have an option to sit and the way you’re just gonna scan pricetags (and occasionally enter the code if it doesn’t work) is really appealing

“good morning!"

you’re about to grab the items from the basket laid on the counter and your eyes could only see the very familiar hand

the same one you’ve seen go through racks and racks

yoongi??

he sets his items one by one, buying himself more time

the first one is the same exact sweater he came to wait for before opening

“you already bought this."

you tell him even before you could hold it back, looking back at him briefly before you scan the tag

“i know. i just wanted to see you."

oh

oh

yoongi threw a bunch of other items (individually) so it would be a longer talk, but you scan each item quickly that he’s grabbing things from the counter

hand sanitizer!!! hair ties!!! keychains!!!! yeah he needs them

“i'm sorry that i tend to spring shit on you most of the time. you don't need to know the difference between silk and silk charmeuse."

you only chuckle then, a meek smile on your face

"it's okay, yoongi.”

“it's not."

... it’s not?

yoongi fidgets, opening and closing his mouth like he’s nervous!!! he’s never had his credit card cancelled but he could only feel that this type of jitterness is more than the former

“can i make it up to you? no lanyards, no baskets, no customer service?? i don't wanna fuck things up with you."

“don't feel obligated-"

“i know i could be a condescending ass who expects people to automatically know fabric and whatnot, but i wanna make it up to you."

alright yoongi’s a really good apology-maker

you mIGHT be even flustered a little

“you're holding the line, yoongi.”

“i cleared my schedule."

“i haven’t!!!!!” - guy in the back

“dinner at my place at 8. i-i promise to make your hard-earned break after your shift worthwhile!!!"

hmmm

maybe that wouldn’t hurt

“okay. just because you're holding the line."

“fine by me."

:))

yoongi transfers all the items he bought, all but one, to his tote bag

he hands back the paper bag to you, scribbling his address on the back of the receipt before he does

he lingers a little while at the counter, the people behind him ALREADY switching lanes to the one seokjin’s just opened beside you

it's the sweater that he has too

yoongi scratches the back of his head, this time being the meek one

“what? m-matching sweaters for our first date. s'cute."

[wasabito]

hate to love you | dabi x reader

18+, minors dni please! 

wordcount: 2.4k

tags: smut, rough(ish) sex, fingering, slight choking, Dabi’s lowkey manipulative

synopsis: did your traitorous heart make the stupid decision to fall in love with him again, or had you always been his to keep?

“You seriously can’t keep coming here whenever you feel like it, Dabi,” you whisper while scrubbing at your weary eyelids, “If someone sees you, you’re gonna get me in a lot of trouble.”

A true statement and yet it takes no further prodding or convincing at all for you to crack open your window at three in the morning, and allow your ex to clamber through the fire escape. There are sirens blaring in the distance; the high-pitched wailing of fire trucks are a familiar sound, especially in this part of the city. You’ve told yourself that intrusions like these are exactly what you deserve for not cutting him off like the cancerous leech that he is.

Willpower alone can’t keep you from wrinkling your nose, considering how his clothes smell of ash under a faint layer of nicotine. It tells a far better story of his recent crime than anything he could ever say out of his mouth. These days you don’t bother asking. There isn't much of a point in doing so when all you are sure to receive is another sugar-coated lie.

“Don’t be like that, doll face,” he smirks. “I’ve gotta lot more tact than you’re giving me credit for. ”

Terrible, you think. And shameless too. Yes, Dabi is undoubtedly these things, but for all of his depravity and lack of care, you still can’t find it in yourself to turn him away.

He cracks a little smile at you, like he’s read your very thoughts. “What? You don’t trust me anymore?”

You don’t respond, and simply climb back into bed, pointedly ignoring the dark stain of blood on his coat. He may have your heart, but your trust is something you vow to never let him have again. With classes resuming for the semester, you are far too preoccupied with internships and scholarship applications to entertain an ex-boyfriend slash wanted criminal, especially one recently associated with The League of Villains.

It had been different back when he was just some nameless petty criminal, but these days his face was plastered all over the news. That wasn’t the kind of person you ever foresaw yourself getting involved with and yet here you are.

You hear the rustling of clothes and figure he’s probably going to steal one of your oversized hoodies again, all the while leaving his bunched up coat in the laundry bin for you to take care of later. It would give him all the more reason to return to your apartment under false pretenses.

Over the past few months you’ve learned to anticipate his tricks, it’s the only way you can keep yourself from living the rest of your days behind bars. Aiding and abetting is what this is… if you were to ever be caught, you’d have to say he forced you. That you had no choice. That you feared for your life.

“You seriously mad at me or what?” He drawls. The thud of his heavy boots echo through the room, but a quick glance over your shoulder tells you that he’s merely taken them off. Dabi pins you with a stare, brows quirked like he’s genuinely confused, if not mildly annoyed, but that doesn’t shake you. You only freeze when you feel the mattress dip under the weight of his knee.

The warmth of his breath ghosts your cheek as he says, “Scoot over.”

Is he serious right now? Why should you let him back into your bed after all he’s put you through?

“No.” you turn away, “Just take whatever it is you need and leave.”

There is silence for a few seconds but you know he hasn’t moved yet, not even an inch.

“C’mon, angel,” he pokes your side playfully, gazing unwaveringly at you from under his hooded eyelids. “I’ll be out of your hair before you even wake up.”

Chewing your lip, you heave out a sigh, and shift forward to make enough room for him to join you. No matter what you’ve said in the past, he’s always been the one in control. You feel like such an idiot, merely posturing while Dabi holds the reins.

He slides in behind you, pressing his body against yours; his arms looping around your waist in a way that is so familiar a pleasant hum nearly falls from your lips. You realize belatedly that he’s shirtless and the fabric of your tank top is far too thin to block the feel of hard sinew and muscle pressed so nicely against your back. Your shaky resolve crumbles to ruin in the presence of his blue flames.

Dabi continues to chat you up, regardless of your lack of response. You’re surprised. He isn’t usually so talkative, but apparently outmaneuvering the cops and getting away scot-free has a way of raising one's spirits.

Your body is slotted against his like a puzzle piece, like you are made for one another. Mid conversation his warm hands palm the fleshy skin of your stomach, giving you a soft caress. So caught up in the feel of it, you almost miss his next words.

“—missed you.”

Your thoughts stutter. For the briefest of moments, you think the words have come from you, but they surely haven’t.

Dabi presses a light kiss to your neck, as if to show that he means it—that in the month spent apart, he had missed you more than anything. And you can't help but shiver; you blame the staples on his chin that are cold in contrast to the heat from his mouth.

His kisses become firmer, and more intentional as he lures you into a feeling of contentment. Your body remembers him oh so well—and it wants what it clearly shouldn’t have.

“We aren’t together anymore, Dabi,” you rasp, “We shouldn’t even be doing this.”

And why not, a tiny voice chimes in the back of your head.

There are several, logically sound, and pragmatic reasons as to why you shouldn’t let Dabi fuck you into next week. It’s a shame, really, you’re far too tired, far too bewitched by this man to really sum up the effort to name them. Not even for your own sake.

“Just a quickie,” he mutters, lips brushing the shell of your ear. One of Dabi’s hands dip between your thighs and he knows he’s won when you part them without thought.

He squeezes the fat of your thigh like he’s done so many times in the past, fingers digging deliciously into your skin. “Mine.”

His fingers encourage you to loosen up a little, as he grinds his clothed dick against your ass.

The trail of kisses start from your shoulder and lead up to your jaw. All the while, Dabi keeps his other arm around your waist to hold you close. He sinks blunt teeth into the crook of your neck, licking languidly at the crescent shape left behind. He continues to nip and suck on the skin there until your heady moans leave you breathless and whiny. But none of it is enough to get your attention off the way he prods you with his index and middle finger through your shorts.

“You sound so sexy, baby.” he chuckles, “You gonna make more of those pretty sounds for me, hm?”

You don’t have an answer, simply put, you can’t think of anything else right now, other than the hand slipping past your panties, rubbing slow circles against the hood of your clit.

“Da-Dabi, please... more,”

At the sound of your wanton voice, Dabi sinks two fingers into you, thrusting his long digits, and coaxing you until you’ve soaked them with your juices. In response, you grind down against his hand, thighs clenching. He hits you with a series of slow pumps each time his wrists twist. You reach forward and grip his hand, wanting nothing more but for him to curl his fingers and hit the sweet spot.

“I know, babe, I know.” He murmurs, kissing your neck, but instead of continuing, Dabi pulls out you. He shifts until he’s quite literally looming over your form.

Though the room is mostly dark, the street lamp outside your window casts a slant beam of orange light into the bedroom. It’s more than enough for you to see Dabi’s grin, and the way his lips pull back to reveal a row of perfect teeth.

He’s handsome, even with the scars, and damaged skin. You could even argue that Dabi is increasingly more handsome because of them.

“You’re lookin’ at me pretty funny,” he says while straddling your hips. “Got something to say?”

You’ve been more silent than usual during this entire exchange, barely saying more than a few whispered pleas for more, but the heat in your belly grows. Heart pounding and tongue dry, you somehow manage to maintain eye contact.

Dabi was your first. The first person to make you feel wanted and alive. The first to bring you to the precipice of mind-boggling pleasure until you were quite literally seeing stars. It’s true that he was an asshole, and it’s true that this new route he’s taken scares you more than anything. But when you look at him, your heart insists that this is still the same man you had fallen for.

“Handsome.” You mumble, averting your eyes. “I was just thinking… about how handsome you are.”

At that admission, you take his fingers, the same he’d just fingered you with, into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it, sucking lightly. Dabi shudders. His blue eyes seem to glow with want and... something else that you can’t describe, but it’s tender and unguarded.

Dabi pulls his fingers from your mouth, replacing them his own. His lips shift against yours, tongue prodding until you open up. Looping your arms around his neck, you pull him flush against your chest, dragging him into your orbit. You aren’t certain when he had become the very moon on its axis, keeping the tides and seasons of your earth in perfect rhythm, but you do know that the emptiness you feel without him isn’t normal.

Fumbling hands follow the shirking of jeans. At some point your thin little top is pulled off and tossed into a corner. And soon enough, he’s pressing himself into you. The tip of his cock is just barely past your folds before you’re taking him in.

“Fuck!” Dabi braces a hand on your pillow. The other rests on your throat with a slight pressure, enough to make your walls clench around him.

It’s been a while for your ex; you can tell by the way he keeps his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. It shouldn’t surprise you, but it does anyway, because you’d thought he would have moved on to someone else by now.

Dabi’s brows are pinched, and he’s being rougher than usual, still you get the sense that he’s savoring this. Like it’s his last meal. Like he may not ever get a chance like this again. It’s ridiculous for you to lament the final nail in the coffin of your relationship with Dabi, especially considering all the shit he’s caught up in now.

But, unfortunately, your heart operates on a separate plane from the rest of you.

It wants what it wants.

His hips snap forward, knocking into yours in a rapid pace that has tension knotting in your gut. You wrap your legs around his hips, high off the feeling of him so deep in you. The drag of his cock in your pussy has your toes curling. The pleasure is so much you can barely think. His groans and your choked back whimpers fill the room. You even attempt to bite into the back of your hand, just to keep them at bay, but Dabi isn’t having any of that.

“Don’t you dare hold back. I wanna hear you tell me how good I make you feel.”

The look in his eyes is so fervent and heated and feral, it sends a shock of pleasure straight to your core. Your thighs are coated in your own slick enough for him to slip in and out with ease. He smirks, licking his thumb and pressing it against your clit, eager to get you off. Your hips jerk in response to the way he’s rubbing and fucking you all at once.

“Dabi,” you cry out. “Yes!”

Sweat licks at your brow causing the little fine hairs around your hairline to stick to your skin.

Dabi presses his face right into your neck, and with each throaty groan that escapes his lips, you feel your gut twist with yearning. You reach up and grip his hair, causing him to groan even louder as he fucks you into oblivion.

“You feel so fucking good, angel, goddamn you’re gripping me so damn tight, fuck—” his babbling continues and you know he’s getting close. Dabi knows it too, so he slows down enough for him to reach around his back and grasp your ankles from around his waist. “You want me to fuck you harder? Hm?”

“Please—I want you so bad.”  You’re almost there, you just need a little bit more. Hearing you say those words makes Dabi chuckle.

He parts your thighs as far they can go, pinning them to the mattress. You hadn't thought it possible, but in this new position he sheathes himself even deeper than before, so much so, that your pussy milks him for all he has, walls spasming uncontrollably around his cock. The cry that falls from your mouth is smothered by a pair of lips.

Your orgasm hits you like a freight train and soon Dabi’s hips are stuttering against your own. He pulls out quickly, cumming all over your stomach, with a growl and a stroke of his hand.

For a moment the room is silent, save for your harsh breathing. Dabi collapses at your side, all fucked out and sweaty. His eyes never leave yours, even as he battles with fatigue.

As for you, the ache between your legs is a pleasant one you don’t bother complaining about as you clean yourself in the bathroom.

Upon return, you find that Dabi is sitting up in bed with a contemplative look on his face. You don’t ask what he’s thinking, instead you pull him into your arms and allow his head to rest against your chest.

If this is your last official night together, you’d rather spend it in his arms than alone.

🖤

[mybunnyparadenme]

Ah wow so cool to have found you on Tumblr! I'm a big fan of your fic :) For the Bunny chart post, it would be so cool to see a Princess Kenny/Marjorine fic, maybe with Marj as her lady in waiting or something? ^-^

Hhhhhh thank you, I'm so flattered! /)///w///(\ Glad you found my blog too! Here's the fic, THANK YOU for requesting the girls!! I hope that you don't mind it's super angsty! ^^;

--

D2 - Marjorine/Princess Kenny

Princess Kenny had to be the most beautiful girl at the ball tonight.

Of course Kenny's always the most beautiful girl regardless, Marjorine thought to herself as she watched her dear friend dance with a dark haired prince from a far off kingdom. How couldn't she be? Her golden hair was done up in an intricate braid, exposing her slender neck and pale shoulders, and the lilac of her dress highlighted her gorgeous eyes, making her look like a goddess in human form. Marjorine felt pride color her cheeks, knowing that she'd had a hand in her appearance. She'd spent ages running a brush through that long hair until it gleamed in the light, plaiting it carefully so not a single strand fell out of place. And her hard work had definitely paid off, Kenny had been dancing all night and she still looked as immaculate as when they'd arrived.

At least until the awful foreign prince reached up and carelessly ran his fingers through her hair, tugging at her braid and leaving several strands loose in his wake. He looked smug as he curled her hair around his finger, and Marjorine was ready to stomp over there and tell him off for being so rough with her princess, but before she could even take the first step, Kenny had that same finger bent backwards and was whispering something into his ear. Something harsh, given the worry in the prince's pain-laced expression. The exchange only lasted for a moment, and then Kenny gave him a sweet smile as she curtsied goodbye. Almost immediately, she was in the arms of a new dance partner, the handsome Elf King of Zaron.

Marjorine let herself relax again. The elf was known for being well-mannered, no doubt he would treat Kenny with the respect she deserved. She watched the two of them dance with a smile on her face, though it quickly became strained when she saw Kenny throw her head back and laugh at something he'd said to her. They seemed to be hitting it off very nicely, and... and that was a good thing! They were at this ball to scope out potential suitors after all, the goal was to find someone she could not only get along with, but rule a kingdom with. This was a good thing, wasn't it? So why did the air suddenly feel like it was too heavy to breathe? She quickly turned from the dance floor and made her way over to the open balcony several feet away.

I could use some fresh air, she told herself. That was all she needed, and then everything would be fine.

The cool breeze felt good against her heated cheeks, a definite relief from the stuffy air in the ballroom. Marjorine tilted her head up to marvel at the beautiful moon overhead, so full and big it looked like she could reach up and touch it with her fingertips. But as she lifted her hand and clutched at empty space, she felt her heart sink at the realization that the distance between her and the moon was similar to the one between her and the princess she loved so much. Marjorine was proud to be Kenny's lady in waiting, her confidante, but that was all she would ever be. A selfish part of her was hoping that tonight would be a bust, that Kenny would turn her nose up at all the people vying for her attention, and it could just be the two of them for a little while longer... but Kenny had a whole country to think about, and what was one girl in the face of a kingdom? She would just have to be content with the hand she'd been given.

"There you are, Marji!" A soft, elegant voice called, moments before a pair of arms wrapped themselves around Marjorine's waist.

"Y-Your highness!" Marjorine cried, stiffening for a moment before her body relaxed in the familiar embrace. Her worries always melted away when Kenny was holding her. "What are you doing out here?"

"Looking for you of course." Kenny whispered in her ear, her lips lingering just long enough to make Marjorine shiver. "It was getting so dull in there without you."

Marjorine shifted so that they were face to face, her arms coming up to loop behind Kenny's neck. It wasn't proper to show this much affection in such a public place, but after seeing so many pairs of hands around the girl she loved, Marjorine couldn't deny herself this moment of comfort between them. Still, duty demanded that she say, "We should head back inside, they'll notice you missing soon."

"I'd rather be out here with you, though." Kenny murmured. She knocked their foreheads together, looking into the other girl's eyes with an intensity that made Marjorine shiver. Her eyes were the color of lavender, but there was nothing calming about her gaze. "Can't we stay out here a little while longer, my dear?"

They both knew she couldn't deny her princess anything, especially not when she used such sweet endearments. She swallowed hard and nodded, trailing her hands over her shoulders (oh, they were so achingly smooth) and down her arms until their fingers were interlocked. "Of course, Kenny. Anything you want."

Seeing her smile was almost a punishment, so radiant it nearly left her blinded. "I want to dance with you, Marjorine."

And then they were swaying as soft music drifted out into the balcony, dreamy and beautiful and so perfect Marjorine had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep from tearing up. They weren't dancing formally, the way Kenny had been taught all her life with steps to memorize and rules to follow. This was a dance they'd done hundreds of times, in the middle of the night when they weren't tired enough to sleep or after a boring meeting to let off some steam. It was a dance all their own, intimate and sacred and meant only for the two of them, Kenny taking the lead because that was what she was meant to do. Marjorine was the only one allowed to see this side of her, the girl who could rule a kingdom all on her own without a king by her side. But there were laws, and expectations being placed on those delicate shoulders, and they could only pretend for so long before they'd have to go back and face reality.

But they still had this moment, right now.

Kenny danced them into the far side of the balcony, out of view of the rest of the ball room. Marjorine could feel the cold stone wall against the fabric of her dress, but it didn't compare to the warmth coming from Kenny's body pressed flush against her own. Their lips were only inches apart, but she was distracted by the loose strand of hair that the awful prince had loosened from Kenny's braid. She reached up to tuck it behind her ear, but Kenny caught her hand and pressed a gentle kiss against her work-roughened knuckles.

Marjorine gasped and felt her cheeks burn. "Y-Your highness, you-"

"Kenny." She murmured into her skin, turning her hand to kiss the inside of her wrist. "Not 'your highness' or 'princess' when it's just the two of us. Use my name."

"Kenny." Marjorine breathed, shuddering as Kenny's lips trailed higher, until they were on her neck, her chin, her cheeks. "Kenny, my Kenny... m-my..."

"Just yours, Marji." Kenny whispered, and then their lips met and there were no more words spoken. If Kenny tasted the salt in their kiss, she didn't say, but her mouth worked feverishly against Marjorine's as if she could counter it with the sweetness of her tongue, and make up for the fact that moments like these would soon be fleeting at best.

And nonexistent at worst.

[honeybrulee]

Sacrifices

Jean x Reader

Summary: When Jean is knocked unconscious during a scouting expedition you make the decision to risk your life in a desperate attempt to save him

The blue smoke from the flare signalling the scouts to retreat billowed its haunting message across the sky. Whatever had happened, whatever state the scouts ahead of you and Jean was, it wasn't good, and that was all the information you had to rely on in that moment.

The two of you, at the very back of the formation, dug your knees into your horses to push them ahead, silently sharing a look of uneasiness at the situation. For conditions that required a retreat signal from the commander your surroundings were quiet. Too quiet.

"What do you think's going on?" Jean called, raising his voice slightly so that it would carry across to you over the sound of pounding hooves.

"No idea, but I don't like this. Something doesn't seem right. We need to regroup with the others as quick as we can."

Jean nodded sharply in agreement before spurring on his horse, leaning into its neck.

However, as per usual, your gut feeling proved itself to be right. Before you could even get near any of the others, the ground you rode on began to shake with the familiar heavy footfall of your enemies.

Turning to look behind you, you notice five titans approaching rapidly, eyes focused on you and Jean.

One of them was gaining more rapidly than the others- an abnormal. Not leaving anywhere near enough time for you to send off a flare in hopes that nearby scouts would notice your predicament, the abnormal lunged for Jean, sending him hurtling off his horse with a yelp and across the planes of land.

"Jean!" you cried out, veering your mount in his direction. Your concern grew as he remained motionless, splayed out unnaturally on the grass. You knew you needed to be fast, the abnormal pulling itself from its stomach to it's feet again.

You called out his name again as you rushed to him, but still only silence answered your call. You couldn't let Jean die- not before you had the chance to confess your feelings to him.

The two of you had been friends ever since enlisting for the scouts, and you had only grown closer and closer over the years. Countless nights spent in his company under the moon left you with a sense of longing in your heart, one which only worsened upon your observation of the way the man gazed at Mikasa. Regardless of whether your friend shared your feelings or not, you still couldn't leave him to die so carelessly at the hands of a titan.

Sliding off the saddle of your horse once you reach him you realise there's no chance of getting him back on his own horse, the poor creature having been crushed under the stomach of the abnormal when it lunged for him.

With haste, you scoop Jean up in your arms, grunting as you use all your strength to settle him on top of your steed. With every second you spent adjusting him the abnormal was once again gaining on you, a hunter ready to crush and consume its prey, and the other four regular titans weren't far behind. Your eyes pricked with tears at the wave of hopelessness that washed over you. No. This wasn't the time for those sort of thoughts. You had to pull this off - for Jean.

Jean. You observed the way his limp unconscious body slumped against your horses neck, blood flowing steadily from his nose and the corners of his lips and the areas around his eyes already beginning to bruise.

You had two choices. Get on the horse with Jean and try to outrun the titans- unlikely. That held the risk of neither of you surviving, the abnormal was too fast, you'd be overwhelmed before you made it so much as thirty metres. Option two, however, secured Jean's safety, and you already found yourself choosing that one with not even a second of thought regarding the repercussions for you. You would secure Jean to the horse, send it off in the direction of the others and pray they noticed him and took care of him. You, meanwhile, would remain behind, distract the titans from Jean and bring their attention to you. That was the one.

You lifted the reins, throwing them over Jean's body and tying them to the back of his belt, making sure it was tight enough for him not to fall. Scratches from the coarse earth littered his skin, and you couldn't resist the urge to lean in and press one tender kiss against his cheek. A goodbye kiss perhaps, maybe selfish on your part, maybe a waste of precious time- but you could take one moment to be selfish for yourself. You would earn it.

With one last look at Jean you nudged the side of your horse, sending it galloping off ahead with your friend secured to its back. Your heart clenched in desperation, begging whatever gods might be out there to deliver him safely to the scouts as you stood and watched him disappear into the distance.

The abnormal was right behind you now, letting out a throaty screech before lunging violently at you the same way it had to Jean. You quickly sank the hooks of your ODM gear into a nearby tree, pulling you sharply in its direction and out of the grasp of the titan. The trees were only short and were sparse, nowhere near high enough to give you any advantage over the abnormal but as long as you could remain out of its clutch you could manage until somebody noticed and came to help you. If somebody noticed.

Meanwhile, a few miles ahead, the scouts were regrouping, taking headcounts and waiting for as many survivors as they could gather to join them.

"Sir! Someones approaching on the horizon! Only a single rider!" a scout called out, alerting Levi and Erwin.

"Who is it?" another spoke, attempting to focus their eyes on the face of their approaching comrade. Things changed however, when they noticed that the rider was slumped over unconscious.

"It's Jean," Armin wailed, "and he doesn't look conscious!"

As the horse flew in their direction Captain Levi prepared to stop it, standing just to the side of its path so that he could grab the reins and haul it in. And that's what he did, the horse bucking and squealing in a frenzy.

"It seems like he's tied to the horse by the reins. And that's definitely not his horse, either," Eren evaluated, eyebrows furrowing in concern.

Mikasa spoke next. "Whoever was with Jean must have tied him up like this so that he could escape while unconscious. But surely that means they must have been protecting Jean from something, else they'd be on the horse with him."

"Y/N! She was the one who was out there with him!" Armin came to the realisation, making the others murmur and gasp. You had made many friends within the scout regiment, always easy to get along with and willing to spend time with and care for your teammates, so your death would not go down easily.

Erwin furrowed his brows, thinking about his next actions carefully. If what they were theorising was true, he couldn't just leave members of his regiment to suffer a needless death at the hands of titans.

"Very well then," he spoke clearly, gaining the attention of the others. "Captain Levi, you will go with Eren, Mikasa and Armin to locate their missing teammate. I will lead the others back to the walls, join us when you have determined her fate. I will also see to it that Kirschtein is escorted safely to the walls."

With a nod, they departed, Erwin assigning two scouts to ride either side of Jean's unconscious body on your horse. The others galloped in the direction they had seen Jean come from, and it wasn't long before they found you. You looked weak from exertion, trying with every fibre of your strength to fight off the abnormal and the four regular titans. Three of the normal titans lay dead on the ground, the napes of their necks steaming in defeat. Now you were flying in endless circles around the abnormal and one remaining titan, barely missing their clutch each time they swung at you with meaty fists.

No matter how hard you tried, exhaustion would always find a way to catch up with you. After endless swinging, leaping and the intense focus it required to have kept yourself alive this long in your situation you were growing weary, the strength draining from your body, and before you knew it you were being squeezed horifically tight in the fist of the abnormal. The large titan opened its gaping mouth, blunt teeth exposed and ready to crush you. You yelled, using what little strength remained to squirm as hard as you could manage but to no avail. The creature's grip was too tight, and as it began lifting you into its mouth you found yourself squinting your eyes tight shut and sobbing.

You reminded yourself that this was for Jean, that you were doing this to save his life, but the thought of him only made you cry harder.

"'M, sorry, Jean. I love you," you whimpered breathlessly.

However, just as you prepared yourself to be bitten in half, the sound of ODM gear engaging caught your ears. You gasped in shock, and a small part of you began building hope again. The next thing you knew you were falling from the titan's fist towards the floor, the beast's nape having been sliced. Before you could meet the ground you were snatched up by someone. You didn't know who, however, as the relief you felt mixed with your exhaustion, leading to you falling into unconsciousness as you knew you were finally in safe hands.

You had done it. You had saved Jean and survived. They had come to get you.

___

When you regained consciousness you were safely tucked into your own bed back at the barracks. You tried to sit up but immediately fell back down and groaned at the sharp pain that wracked you. Your ribs, they must have been broken by how hard that titan had been holding you. The titan- Jean. Where was he? Was he okay? What if the scouts hadn't found him and he was still out there somewhere all alone. He'd be dead by now for sure if he hadn't met back with them. Had you unknowingly sent him to his death?

But before you had the chance to work yourself into a frenzy, all of your questions were answered in one.

"You're awake!" A frantic gasp from your bedside. Jean.

Tears sprung to your eyes. He really had survived and had made it home safe.

"Woah, woah, woah, you idiot, sit still. And what are you crying for?" he exclaimed.

"You're alive!" you rasped, throat raw.

"Yes, but the question is why? Why would you ever do that for me? Huh? Sacrifice your whole life, send me off to safety and leave yourself to be torn apart by titans for my sake? Why the fuck would you ever do that you idiot?" Jean was practically shouting, his voice shaking and wild.

You sighed deeply, closing your eyes to avoid him.

"Well? Don't just close your eyes! I need to know why you would ever do something so stupid. Risk something so precious just for me!"

You felt your heart pounding, heat rising to your cheeks. He couldn't ask you something like that.

"Do you really need to ask?" you spoke quietly, still not strong enough to speak at a regular volume.

"Yes! I really fucking do need to ask."

"Think about it, Jean. You don't actually need me to answer that for you. You'll only make a fool of me." you pried your eyes open, looking up into his in the hopes that he would get your message and wouldn't make you go through the pain of being rejected, of being told that he only had eyes for Mikasa.

"You're already a fool for doing what you did. You should have left me to die. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you, especially if the reason for your loss was me." Jean's angry facade broke, the man falling to his knees at your bedside and sobbing into the back of your hand.

"That's exactly why I did it, Jean. I don't know what I'd do without you either, and in that moment your entire life was in my hands so I did what I could to preserve it. Call me all the names you want, and maybe it was stupid, but I couldn't care less. I'd do it a thousand times over if it meant being able to see you alive and healthy every day. If you're really going to make me say it, fine, I'll say it. I love you, Jean. I have for years. I love the way you always panic over me when I get so much as a papercut; I love the way you let me lean on you and sleep on your shoulder when we're out scouting overnight; I love the way you make me laugh with your dumb jokes every day; and how you hold me when I'm sad and don't leave until you see me smile. I love you, Jean. Is that what you wanted to hear? And I know you only have eyes for Mikasa. I do- believe me, but there it is. The truth. The reason I did what I did. And like I said, I'd do it all over again. I don't expect you to say anything back, I already know you're not interested. Now please, just leave and spare me the embarassment of being rejected by the person I love."

Jean froze, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide and glued to your face, at the pained and heartbroken expression you held. All this time and you'd thought he'd never wanted you? Thought that he wanted Mikasa? Slowly, shakily, he got up from his knees and moved to sit on the mattress by your hip. You turned your face from him, avoiding his eyes.

"You truly believe I don't feel the same way?" his voice shook as he spoke.

Your eyes widened, and you automatically turned your head back in his direction to detect from his face if he was lying or not.

"You really think that I'd be this upset over anyone else doing what you did? You think I panic when you get hurt because we're just friends? You think my heart doesn't feel like it's going to beat out of my chest when you fall asleep against me? That I tell you all of my dumbest jokes just to keep a teammate entertained and that I hold you when you cry because I don't like seeing a friend upset? You really believe that. I do it all because I love you. Always have, ever since the day I met you. And Mikasa? That was a childish crush, never anything more. I've never felt for anyone the way I do for you. When I woke up back at the barracks I was so confused. The last thing I remembered was riding back to the commander with you when some titans appeared. I thought you were dead, Y/N. The others only knew I was conscious again because I screamed at the thought of you being dead and in the stomach of some damn titan while I was tucked up in bed, healthy and alive. And when Eren told me what really happened? I was furious. Furious at you for putting my life over yours, but even more furious at myself for letting that happen in the first place. I always make sure we're stationed together for the exact purpose of protecting you. I'd die for you, Y/N. And I know how hypocritical that sounds but gods I love you, my sweet girl. I don't know how I'd live without seeing that beautiful smile every day. I love you."

Tears brimmed at your waterline at his words, the breath leaving your lungs.

"You really mean that?" you gazed up at him, not daring to break the eye contact you had established.

"More than I've ever meant anything in my life," he reassured. Jean sighed, reaching to brush a strand of hair from in front of your eyes. His hand slid down to your cheek, thumb swiping over it and wiping away the escaping tears.

Slowly, ever so carefully so as not to hurt your battered body, Jean leaned down, resting his forearm at the side of your head for balance.

"Can I kiss you?" he almost whispered, eyes blinking slowly.

"Please," you sighed, heart pounding when he closed the distance and complied with your plea.

His lips swept against yours with every care in the world as the two of you exchanged your pent up emotion without words. And as Jean held you that night safe in his arms, as he spent hours pressing gentle kisses to your forehead, cheeks, jaw, nose, lips- the two of you felt your hearts melding together, becoming one synchronous unit. He had you now, and you had him, and neither of you planned on ever letting go. You were in it now and forever.