#just posting this before I go to bed and this post is no longer relevant

[paintsplash1712]

It's officially been 4 years since the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie came out.

14th February 2020, just before the world fell a part.

WTF IS TIME ANYMORE?!

[innerfare]

I Love You - Part 1

Summary: Who says I love you first? How do you say it?

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Ace, Sabo, Law, Kid

Genre: Fluff

CW: None // SFW

——— 

Luffy: He showed it first, asking you to join his crew, making sure you had a safe and healthy place to be yourself, fighting anyone who stands between you and your dreams, saving his funniest jokes until you're around to hear and giggle at them, even going so far as to share a little (really, only a little) bit of his meal with you, but you were the only who actually said it first. He gets severely injured after a nasty fight, and you stay by his side while he sleeps it off like he normally does, though it takes him longer than usual to wake up. When he does finally wake up looking for you and something to eat, you fling yourself on him and tell him how much you love him. You didn’t intend on confessing, but you were so worried about him and the words fell from your lips as soon as you knew he was okay. Your brows are still furrowed, and when Luffy asks why, you voice your insecurity that he doesn't feel the same way. Luffy just laughs at that and ruffles your hair. “Of course I do.” With that, he crawls out of bed in search of food. He quickly falls into the habit of telling you in the morning when you wake up, and it fills you with so much joy, it’s like he’s giving you a happy vitamin to start your day. And saying those words bring him so much joy that saying them is like he's taking a happy vitamin, too.

Zoro: To your surprise, it was Zoro who said it first. Though Zoro seems the type to bottle up his emotions, he’s actually not, he just doesn’t seem emotional because he’s really good at dealing with his shit. And he knows all too well how temporary arrangements can be, how quickly life can be snuffed out, how easily the people he loves and cares about can be taken away from him. So one late night when he’s alone in the shower, washing his hair (using Nami's expensive shampoo and conditioner because she left it in the shower and Zoro just uses whatever's within his reach) and thinking about you, he realizes how he feels, and he doesn’t even consider not telling you. He climbs into bed afterward in just his boxer briefs, his hair still damp and smelling extra good, shakes you awake, kisses you a few times, and mutters that he loves you in your ear before passing out, not even waiting for you to say it back. He doesn’t say it often after that because he doesn’t thinks actions matter more than words, but he always says it when one of you is injured or after an argument. 

Sanji: Sanji technically confesses first, but you’re the one who actually says those three words. He’s holding your hand in both of his, clutching it close to his racing heart, as he looks down at you, telling you all the ways you make his life better, all the things he’s looking forward to doing with you, all the energy he’s going to put into keeping you happy, healthy, and safe. And the words just sort of fall from your lips. He stops mid sentence, eyes wide and mouth open. The seconds drag on in silence before he’s pulling your lips to his. Both of you are very generous with these three words, saying them often and in public. If you ever hang up the transponder snail without telling him you love him, he’s calling you right back to make sure everything is alright. (Also, not really relevant, might do a separate post about this, but Sanji is definitely a heart-shaped jewelry sort of guy. He just is. Certified lover boy.) 

Ace: Your first, more implicit confession came one night before you two were ever in a relationship. You noticed he was a little off and saw him slip away from the crew as they were drinking the night away. You found him sulking by the water and sensed he was hurting, especially when you asked to say and he told you he’d rather be alone. Before you leave, you tell him, “I just wanted you to know that I’m happy you’re alive.” You had no idea that it would strike a nerve, just got the feeling he needed to hear it, and this was confirmed by him grabbing you by the wrist as you walk away and pulling you into his arms. You continue finding implicit ways to tell him you love him such as, “I think the world is a better place with you in it,” and, “I’m so glad you were born,” and Ace is never really sure how to respond, but he soaks your words up like they’re sunlight and he’s a plant. This culminates in him blurting those three words out one day when you’re sitting in a tree together, Ace avoiding your eyes for fear you’ll reject him. When you lean in and kiss his cheek, instead, he almost cries (and he does when he’s alone later on, your love the purest thing he’s ever known). 

Sabo: Sabo is always taking risks. He lives a dangerous lifestyle as the Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army, and on top of being one of the most wanted criminals in the world, he is an incredibly reckless individual who thrives when his life his threatened. He does not, however, thrive when your life is threatened. So accustomed to being the one others are fretting over, so used to Koala telling him off for taking this risk or making that dumb decision, he is completely blindsided by the anxiety he experiences when he finds out you’ve been captured. Naturally he launches a rescue attempt, and when it succeeds, he wraps you in his arms and tells you how much he loves you. He always makes sure to say it after that, telling you in the morning when you wake up and at night when you go to bed together, the memory of not having you there to hear it all too fresh. 

Law: Law is pretty bad with words, and, for lack of a better term, he sort of lacks a bedside manner. Needless to say, this carries over into other aspects of his life, including his love life (or lack thereof; Law has little to no experience in this arena). One afternoon, though, the two of you are fighting because you want to accompany Law somewhere and he insists it’s too dangerous despite all of your qualifications and skills as a fighter. You keep pressing and pressing, demanding to know why he won’t let you go when you are perfectly capable, until finally he blurts it out. “I love you! Alright? And I won’t lose you.” You aren’t even in any sort of relationship at that point, the two of you just sort of stewing in unresolved tension. His irate confession is the tipping point, and you become an item after that. When you hear it from him after that, it’s always in private, usually in the late hours of the night when he slips into bed and buries his face in your neck. Other times, it’s when you two pass each other in the hallway aboard the Polar Tang and he catches your hand in his, placing a warm kiss on your knuckles, muttering the words, and moving along quickly for fear someone might see despite the entire crew knowing about your relationship. 

Kid: You say it first. You say it a couple of times, actually, before you ever hear it back. You’re sitting in his workshop watching him build something, and you just sort of blurt the words out. You swear Kid hesitates before picking up the next piece of metal, but he gives no real acknowledgment you uttered those three words. Knowing exactly the sort of man he is and not expecting to receive anything in return, just wanting him to know how you feel in the moment, you aren’t actually offended, but you are wondering if he didn’t hear you. So, the next day in his workshop, you say it again, once more receiving no response. The third time you say it to him, catching him while he’s painting his nails, you receive a grunt in response (Kid is a man of grunts, not a man of words). Only in the heat of battle do you hear it back. He catches you around the waist and picks you up, and you fight thinking it’s an enemy, only for him to say, “I love you,” in your ear before deflecting a canon ball headed straight for the two of you and then setting you on your feet like nothing happened. From that point forward, he’ll say it, but only at inopportune times.  

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[anemicjellyfish]

Blitzø's struggle with the Asmodean Crystal

On the lighter side, it could have just been a joke. This could also have taken place before Apology Tour, since Blitzø has no issue using the Crystal to transport both himself and the IMP van through portals.

After one full season, and part way through the second, we have been led to believe that Blitzø is actually good in bed. A party-house packed with Succubi managed to get emotionally attached, so I'm having a hard time believing that Blitzø's game is in any way lacking, contrary to Verosika's song at Ozzie's.

My Theory?

I've had it floating in my head since Full Moon that Blitzø could have performance issues after Stolas cut things off. (Do I have a half-baked fanfic on what's basically erectile disfunction hurt/comfort, post-Apology Tour? Yeah, but like that's not relevant.)

Blitzø is afraid of being in love. He has a lot of emotional baggage and trauma when it comes to love. And the Crystal is picking up on the fact that Blitzø is struggling internally with balancing sexual desire and emotional needs.

It's obvious to us early on that Blitzø has feelings for Stolas. But feelings make things complicated for Blitzø. Anytime anyone gets close enough to have feelings for him, Blitzø pushes them away and bails.

He's been able to live in denial for some time now, but Stolas' confession in Full Moon made it impossible to continue pretending it was just about sex.

Blitzø had been using sex as work in his transactional relationship with Stolas. He's aware that showing Stolas a very good time is the exact thing he needs to do in order to keep using the Grimoire to keep his business running. And Blitzø knows how to do that.

Blitzø really had the fight knocked out of him in Apology Tour, after barely recovering from the emotional gut-punch that he got in Full Moon.

He's had to confront a lot of the parts of himself that he's been covering up and masking; he's growing emotionally, but that growth is leaving his heart raw and hurting.

But I think what's most important is that Blitzø has never had sex with someone he's in love with, and have it just be about love. He couldn't be honest enough with himself to admit he loves Stolas before; all their prior sex nights were work for Blitzø.

So when sex is no longer work or fun, but it's now love... how does someone like emotionally-stunted Blitzø even go about it?

Awkwardly, that's how.

[yanderenightmare]

heya! do you have any more writing tips for writing on tumblr? like, any tips to get as much attention as you, kinda

Oh yes.

♡ Post in different lengths!

Or, more precisely, don’t only post long full-fics with multiple chapters.

I know it sounds weird, but the more effort you put into something doesn’t actually guarantee more payoff. Why would anyone read your hour-long fic if they have no previous experience with your writing that gives you credibility? In other words, how can they know spending an hour reading your writing is worth it?

More people are likely to grab a bite-sized appetizer than they are to sit down for a full five-course meal.

But! The more people like those bite-sized appetizers, the more likely they are to want to sit down for that full five-course meal, you know?

Think of those bite-sized appetizers as taste tests—kind of like commercials that bring more people in to give your actual meals a try.

Also, writing in different lengths is good for you! Only writing hour-long stuff makes you burn out quickly, which brings me to my next tip:

♡ Post often!

If you can, try posting something every day. Of course, you can’t post full hour-long fics every day, which is where writing smaller things such as drabbles, headcanons, and tiny prompts come in. Think of them as flings you have in between your long-term relationships. They’re fun little things good for your health!

But anyway, here’s a tip for when you do have those long-term relationships—as in, when you want to write full-fics or longer posts in general:

♡ Start with a hook! 

My attention should be seized by the first paragraph, if not the very first sentence I read. This is so important.

I’m a very picky reader sometimes—so if that first line doesn’t interest me, I’ll be fast to scroll to find something more enticing. And you can be sure a lot of readers are the same.

Under are some examples of my own start-liners.

Something foreboding:

There’s something very off about your roommate… something eerie that makes you keep your distance.

The plot:

Thinking about the big and burly behemoth Omega finally finding himself the cutest little Alpha to breed with…

Something catchy:

Give a brat an inch, and they'll take a mile. 

Something snappy:

You’re his favorite whore…

Dialogue:

“Feels like you’re luring me into some trap.”

A prompt:

Yanderes who keep you higher than a kite…

In medias res:

You lay on your belly on the bed.

Anyway, they don’t have to be groundbreaking—just anything that will spike interest in the reader.

♡ Write for different characters! And try writing inserts!

Inserts are when you don’t name any specific character in the story but either give options for what characters your audience can imagine or leave it completely up to them. This works best if you have a nice starter-line that tells you what kind of character this is without naming them.

Examples:

Bruiser boyfriend

Ex-military Yandere

Benevolently sexist boyfriend

Creep Step-bro

You can go further and identity the reader as well:

Big, brawny, chubby-muscled Boss and his perfectly bite-sized assistant

In other words, people like to know what they’re about to read before they start.

Otherwise and lastly:

♡ Something logistic you can have in mind is making your writing accessible. 

Say I like one of your posts, and I click your profile to check you and your other posts out, but all I see when I scroll through your blog is endless reblogs and one-off comments about this and that. My second instinct is to check out your Masterlist. If you don’t have one, my mission is fraught, and I’ll be out of there quickly. If you do have one, but it’s messy, then my patience will wane, and again, I’ll be out post-haste. 

The bottomline is to have a neat pinned post that makes it easy to navigate your blog, with all your relevant stuff easily accessible. Check out mine for reference. But the most important is for it to include your rules, how to request, and your masterlists.

Then, of course, this is obvious, but:

♡ Remember that things take time

I’ve been running @yanderenightmare since 2020. Back then, it took me half a year to get my first 1000 followers. And most of my posts would only get about 500 or so likes. And, that’s another thing—if I was doing it for the likes and follows I probably wouldn’t still be here, so make sure you enjoy what you’re writing and stuff. If you have that conviction, then the rest is just a nice bonus.

[manicdiana]

my purpose, my will to live and to not k1l mys3lfve (yet)

I will get skinnier in a sk1ns and 🦴s, deadly, emanciated, tragic, supermodel, poetic, iconic and inspiration story with before and after pictures way. And then if I don't die of the physical complications fast enough then i'll k1l mys3lfve or something. J7mp1ng or öv3rd0s1ng

I want it. I will get it. I already did very extreme things so i'll do it again, because they don't see anything anymore now. They just see my overweight ass confort eating constantly, hiding in the bathroom, miserable and insufferable, staying inside all day in bed and never moving because of social anxiety...

I have so much hatred, soo much sadness. My body will take it all. And everyone will see, the portrait of my distress and melancholy in a metaphysical horrific way, or more like of an artistic work that will make it nearly impossible for them to take their eyes away from me. Because my body IS a temple, it's just that it's a basic one... one without History. What makes a temple of ruins alluring is the knowledge of past glory and History. That's why saying that it looks normal is one of the biggest insults ever. Because think of it.. we are all artists, in this community, the 3dtumblr community. We craft our body into oblivion, visible bones defined cheeks, shades of grey under our eyes... We have our own set of pencils and brushes ; diet coke, sugar-free gum, precise forms of exercice, precise c0unt1ng 0f c4ls, precise ritu4ls around m34ls, even just the use of d1et1ing

I don't want to be nothing. I don't want to be a black piece of paper. I want too to have a legacy. But it takes some work for a blank piece of paper to become shades of complex blues... I think that's what I failed to realise prior to writing this post, I spended the two last months painting with my eyes and my head instead of my hands... I want to be more than a mere insect who's only relevency is the disgust that could come from looking at it a bit longer like i've been feeling like since the past 2.. 3 years? It takes some form of will to take action. Oh my dear lord, I wish so much that I was a exercice obsessed bitch. How can people have depression and a restrictive 3d at the same time? Personaly, I can't. Or at least I couldn't for the past two last months, the worst months of my life alongside the worst birthday day I had personaly

I also want people to leave me alone in some way, to the voices and anxiety to fuck off. I honestly cry every single day, there's really no exception... instead the days in which I f4st, I suddendly feel so numb when I f4st, and it's not even in a bad way it's genuiely in a good way, like "yay" "i'm alive!" "I still don't like life in general but in this present moment i feel really ok!"

F4st1ng is a way to cleanse your body globally, to pause and make a "summary", a redo, a rebranding, a rising sun. To reorganise all the google and youtube tabs left on your computer so that your device can be faster and more organised. To take all the raging colors and merge them into pure white or pitch black, shades of grey maybe?

This post is full of angst, I feel like i'm going to cringe in the future looking back at this post and have trouble sleeping at night knowing some people would have seen it nooo

Anyways, staying cold when i'm alone on purpose and taking cold showers is harsh, like i'm on a survival based tv reality show lol. And purposesly not sleeping at night so that I can sleep during the day or just be really tired so that i have less chances to think about or to actually eat food...

[henrikvanderhussy]

Okay, we've gotta talk about The Silent Spy. I didn't remember much about it before replaying, and you never really see anyone calling it their favorite game, so I knew it wasn't going to be great, but I was still disappointed.

Similar to The Shattered Medallion, which I talked about here, I do think there's a GOOD game in there somewhere, but it's bogged down in some really messy structural problems.

Those problems are also very similar to MED's problems, which makes sense since MED was the next release after SPY. Just like in MED, the character interactions were all over the fucking place. I felt like I had the same conversation with each character about 12 times. Asking Moria "What was the Colony operation?" I dunno Nancy, maybe you could have figured it out from the newspaper article, the archives database, the info from every other character, or the papers at the cabin. And it feels like this is something that would have been relevant way earlier in the game.

But then at the same time, there are these bizarre jumps where it seems like you've missed conversations. We're asking Ewan if we should trust Alec when we've never even talked to Ewan about Alec before and there's no reason they should know each other.

Speaking of feeling like I missed stuff, the poem was the worst. "I need the full color copy of my mom's Jabberwocky poem" Girl, what Jabberwocky poem?? Apparently it was in Nancy's luggage, but the luggage gets stolen immediately when you start the game and we have no idea what's inside of it. She briefly says something to Alec about a poem, but that was after Nancy already noted she needed it to solve a puzzle.

Also similar to MED, there was such a weird manufactured sense of urgency. I was soooo very frustrated by the tests set by Revenant. I got the first call and thought "hmm, not sure what choice I want to make. I'll poke around at some other things first and then decide if I want to follow their instructions or not." Then all of a sudden I get a call saying that I've failed their test.

How was I supposed to know there was a time limit? What was the time limit based on anyway? Was it a literal amount of real-world time? Did I trigger another plot point in the game that ended the window? Hell if I know

The result is that you're left feeling like things could end or change at any moment and you have to do them quickly, but also simultaneously feeling as if it doesn't matter since obviously the game will continue anyway if you miss anything time-sensitive.

A weird combo of both stressed and 'eh fuck it'. Thanks I hate it.

This post is getting longer than I planned, but here's the thing, I actually think these problems could have been addressed with a really simple fix: Let Nancy sleep.

If the call from Revenant says "you have until midnight to give us what we want," then the player knows that if they want to follow the instructions, they need to do it before sending Nancy to bed.

If all of that weirdness in character conversations was because I was talking to characters and doing things out of the intended order, then structure the game so that certain things need to happen before you can go to bed ("I can't sleep yet, I have to xyz!"). Then make it so other actions can't happen until the next day. VOILA, problem solved.

You still want the structure to be somewhat loose to allow the player to explore, and so not everything should be confined to specific days, but it would allow linearity in the things that do need to be linear.

Nancy has a hotel room! There's already a bed and everything! It would have been simple to put in a sleep mechanic, just like in so many of the other games.

Look, I'm not a game designer, so I'm definitely speaking more confidently than I have any right to, but I just feel like the problems in The Silent Spy are fixable! And I really wish they had been fixed!

[sillygoose067]

Charles’s Angel(s)

Ch.20

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Author’s Note: *squeals* Okay. So, I finally did it. Love this chapter, one of my faves to write so far. I have no experience in this scene (don’t wanna spoil so I’m being very unspecific) so if you think there’s any way to improve it, PLEASE let me know and I will take it into consideration. Have fun!

P.S. I’m kinda tired of going back and forth doing translations, so whenever something is in “__” (italics and quotations) assume that it’s being said in the relevant language (to the people in that situation).

“I might need to keep doing your skincare with you if it always ends with this much affection”, he admonishes while pressing a kiss to your temple and a second one on top of your head. 

Cleaning up all the products, you head to the bed, plugging your phone into the provided charging station and fluffing up the pillows. Charles joins you shortly, and the two of you lie stiff and awkward next to each other, not knowing how to tackle the situation without setting one another off. Slowly, you turn to your side and face him. He mimics your actions, and the two of you stare at each other for a bit. 

“Good night Charles. Thank you for coming here with me”.

“Bonne nuit mon ange. I’ll always try to be wherever you are”.

Hesitating, but then making-up your mind to follow your gut, you shimmy closer to him and nestle your nose into the hollow of his throat and slide your leg between his. He allows this and holds you close, and you feel him nosing at your hair, and leaving another kiss there, before you both drift off. 

…

The sun filters through the thin curtains of the hotel room, and you blink your eyes open. You try to stretch and break free from your sleepy haze, when you notice the arm around your midriff, wound tightly. Smiling to yourself, you turn toward the owner of the arm, only to find that his eyes are already open. “How long have you been awake?”, you manage to muster out. 

His long eyelashes flutter as he closes his eyes to think about it. “Not long. Couple of minutes?”

You nod in acknowledgment and continue with your post-sleep stretch, letting out an involuntary whine and making a move to roll away and off the bed, when Charles tugs you closer. Nearly chest to chest now, you feel him rumble “And where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to freshen up”.

“Well, I need to hold you a bit longer, more than you need to freshen up, so stay”.

You raise an eyebrow. “I thought you were supposed to meet Chan at the studio today?”

He pouts. “Fine. I forgot about that.” He huffs. 

You get ready to leave and call an Uber. 

…

Guiding Charles to the studio, you take a seat on the sofa at the back while he and 3racha discuss the processes and ideas they have. 

“I was thinking something like…” Charles hums out a tune, playing it on the keyboard. “But I keep getting stuck here…”

Changbin tries to say something in broken English, but fails to find the words necessary in his vocabulary, then opts to say it in Korean and has Chan translate. “What kind of feeling or vibe are you looking to give this song?”

“Ah, something slow and mellow”

Just then, Jisung interjects. “Ok, I think I’ve got something. Here, listen to this”. He plays some notes on the keyboard following what Charles had played.

“Yes, I quite like that”. Wow, that was quick, thought Charles.

They end up managing to put together an entire song, and as you leave, Charles is still amazed by Jisung’s ability to catch on so quickly. “Well, he’s our resident sad, slow, mellow, singer-songwriter”, explains Chan. 

… 

That night, as you’re doing your skincare, Charles joins you. When you get a glass of water for bed you’re in a contemplative silence. You go to say something, but bite your tongue. Charles notices this and holds your gaze each time you hesitate. “I think…”, you pause, ready to shut up once and for all, but Charles is not having it. “Will you kiss me?”

Smiling, he brushes your hair out of the way. “Are you sure about this? I’d love to amour, but you know that you shouldn’t feel pressured".

“No!” You panic. “I mean, no, I think I’m ready… with you”.

“Ok, love”. He leans in and your noses brush.

“I don’t know what to do Charles”, you whisper softly. His hands land on your hips, pulling you closer. Your hands find themself on his chest. 

“Just follow my lead, and then do whatever feels right to you”, he whispers back against your lips.

He makes the final move and connects your lips. Caught between his soft, warm lips, yours automatically wrap around his bottom lip. It starts slow and gentle at first, but then you feel his teeth delicately tug at your lip, and you gasp, both at the sensation and for the need to get some air into your system.

His warm eyes, now darkened with something akin to lust finding yours, and you smile, almost giddy from this new experience. “Thank you, that was incredi— Mmmmh” 

You’re cut off as he impatiently captures your lips once again. It becomes a passionate battle of your lips clashing, caressing each other sensually, only parting when there’s no longer any air left for you to share. 

Charles manages to guide you to the bed amidst liplocking with you and you take him down with you as you fall to the pillows. His frame over yours, an arm positioned next to your head to balance himself and a leg placed between yours, you feel his free hand softly caressing your cheek, while your hands are gently scratching at his nape. Charles groans at the sensation and finally parts from you. Panting in tandem, lips slicked with moisture and swollen from the shared passion, he drops his forehead against yours as he attempts to catch his breath. “Was that… ok?”, he hears you meekly ask. 

His eyes snap open. “Ok?! Amour, if we hadn’t stopped now, I would have fucking burst in my pants”, he exclaims, his thumb pulling your lip from your teeth where you’d bitten it nervously, and running his thumb over it, as if to soothe it. 

“Oh”. You breathe out in relief. “That felt really nice. We should do it more often”, you say matter-of-factly. Charles can’t hold his chuckle this time and presses a light whisper of a kiss on your swollen lips, almost reverently. 

“Yes, we should Chéri”, he agrees.

[devondespresso]

Wiggly-Worm Wednesday!! 🧠🪱

speeding through this before Wednesday ends (the deadline is both extremely malleable and entirely self-enforced and also time isn't real)

tagged by the lovely @hbyrde36 thank you!!

Today the worms are Connected they're connecting dots and doing a great job at it!

my non-fic worm is kinda branching off the first 1k i wrote for stwg's fic exchange, which then hopped skipped and jumped over into its own idea and now I'm enjoying my down time imagining the shenanigans of Robin sneaking Steve over post s4, like living in her bedroom hiding in the closet shenanigans cause his parents aren't back and the hospital had to discharge him to help other patients and she can't just leave him home alone that's a recipe for disaster so really she basically had no choice but to sneak him in through her ground-floor window with a duffel bag under her bed and steal a couple of her dads button down shirts because Steve's a dingus and didn't bring any even though any pullover is a pain in the back-and-tricep-roadrash right now.

so of course robins parents find out because stashing away a whole ass adult man in a bedroom for more than a day or so is actually pretty difficult even when he's not gravely injured. in my head they're pretty understanding after they get to cool down a bit, its not like steve was never around before and he'd always been polite, plus even if they still did think stobin were secretly dating, they're clearly not doing anything and the only reason Robin didn't just ask was because she wasn't going to take no for an answer.

And then on the actual wips front i had the brilliant why-didnt-i-think-of-this-sooner idea to pick a wip to work on based on what i was brainworming just for fun, which led me to my actual stobin wip and within like 20 minutes i had a couple epiphanies about the connective themes im exploring like realizing what i was putting together without realizing. (cut because oh god this got long fast)

Its ended up being a lot about gender, the imaginary wall between girls and guys in a friendship sense that feels solid just because you haven't had the proof that its not really there yet, the heteronormativity and amatonormativity driving a wedge between possible friendships. in this fic, robins really apprehensive about forming any kind of connection with steve because she's had the experience of guys only being interested in dating that she has a lot of mistrust around and m/f friendships that start forming (and ofc it ends with post starcourt platonic with a capital P soulmateisms 💕). i also have this little struggle where like if i can name multiple important theme-y words i fear ive got too many going on, so i was afraid this whole loneliness thing I've got for robin was going to conflict with the gender thing but i think ive got it sorted, they're different levels and their connected ideas, robins escape from loneliness means she has to break through her internal gender wall and let it be broken, plus the loneliness is going to be more explicit in the text because robins like fully aware of it while the gender stuff is probably going to stay mostly subtext and be much broader, popping up in steves pov area too and really all around them.

also had no clue how relevant it would be but steve and robin are like perfectly balanced blurred gender lines like steve is a masculine dude comfortable in his masculinity that also has a healthy relationship with his feminine trait, the hair stuff the babysitter/mom friend thing, he's not ashamed of any of it (and actually i had a longer post on Steve's gender balance somewhere in my drafts but we don't have time rn) and then robins like practically the same in her expression of femininity, she's as far as we see comfortably a girl, wears makeup, loved that movie about doomed love, she's got her feminine traits but also likes dabbling in masculine traits, she dresses more masc (tho its still a solid middle ground, comfort is a big focus), she likes ufos and creepy stuff and jokes about spider babies in hair. idk it just felt like they're a matching set as far as gender goes, if they did combine into one being they'd be bigender 100%

anyway uhhh this got long thank you for sticking around fyjdtjdgjdyj

tagging (no pressure and no deadline, im sorry Wednesday is already basically over dyjxjydgj): @momotonescreaming @stellarspecter @dreamwatch @pearynice @withacapitalp

@queenie-ofthe-void @carolperkinsexgirlfriend @writing-kiki @eriquin @eyesofshinigami

(Vague Rules just in case this makes no sense xtjsdjtdyj: it's technically just Wiggly Wednesday and its where you just post your brainworms/fun ideas of the past week/day/whatever. its super loose, i like talking about brainworms for things ill never write and things im currently writing but you can do whatever. no set number of ppl to tag, just have fun!)

@puppy-steve @hairstevington @hotluncheddie @gleek4twd @klausinamarink

@soaringornithopter

[saintship]

Hii! Can I request ghost x fem reader where the reader suffers with chronic pain as in struggles with walking and such? Also, if you don’t mind, could the reader be portrayed at pretty thin but ghost still loves her and her body? Ik the readers appearance is usually ambiguous but I struggle with weight gain due to my illness and being too thin is often something I’m insecure about. I’d really like to see ghost loving on that. But if you don’t want to give the reader more description I’m ok with that too! Thank you <33

I swear I posted this earlier today, go to check on it, and it’s sitting in my drafts

Anyway!

My inbox is exactly the place to get specific! I only do exclusively gender neutral when it’s just an idea from my own head, requests are geared toward the recipient apart from specific names so that no one is forced to put in a request to enjoy my blog

Hope you’re doing alright, and I hope you enjoy :)

There’s only like a one sentence mention of alcohol but this was the nicest gif I could scavenge that was relevant and didn’t have a person in it

Simon Riley x Fem!Reader

Falling through

Warm, summer nights like this seemed to slow everything down. Simon was situated in the kitchen pouring over some overdue paperwork while you folded your laundry in the bedroom, humming under your breath. You stood in front of the basket while you smoothed out each item and set it on the covers.

Suddenly, standing in one place for so long proved their consequences. Your joints cracked a bit as you lifted your heels, the popping of your ankles filling the quiet room. Sighing with a twinge of relief, you returned to folding Simon’s sweatshirt. It wasn’t as if it was shocking or concerning, the aching all throughout your body, yet that thought never seemed to ease the pain. You went for another sweatshirt in the basket, only for a particularly sharp tendril of pain to shoot up your neck and jaw.

You hissed softly through closed teeth, cradling the right side of your head. It wasn’t long before it came back; stronger this time, and stayed like a lingering smoke bomb. A quiet grunt escaped your throat as you lowered yourself to sit on the edge of the bed, breathing deeply with your eyes shut tight.

“What’s wrong?”

A voice at your doorframe caught your attention; you looked up to see Simon holding two glasses of amber liquor and a look of concern written into his eyes. He set the glasses down quickly, carefully taking a seat next to you.

You breathed fiercely through your nose—it was frustrating to feel this way, it made you look weak.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.” Simon urged gently. “Can I touch your hand?”

The skin there ached like the rest of your body, but not unbearably. You held it out to him, which he took so gently that you almost couldn’t believe those same hands did such violent things no longer than a week before his leave.

“Just hurts.” You managed, studying the seam of your sleep shorts.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was hardly a murmur, but you felt his breath on your skin before he pressed his lips to your shoulder. You wished you could indulge in the sensation, but he’d placed the kiss right over the end of that bone that felt far too exposed, and you unwillingly shrank away. He stayed still, watching with calculating eyes.

“What’s goin’ on in that head o’ yours?”

You’d always loved how his accent thickened as his voice grew quieter. Unfortunately the situation you found yourself in didn’t let you revel in the fact. A fresh wave of aching swept up your back, causing your breath to hitch. Your breathing quickened again, the pain flaring.

“Sh, sh..” Simon held your hand with both of his, soothing the skin with strokes of his thumb. “Breathe, sweetheart..”

Another frustrated grunt tore from your throat, your eyes beginning to sting. This feeling was hellish—the pain on top of the pressure weighing down to release the emotion you’d been especially avoiding since Simon had been home.

“I don’t like the way I look.”

And you’d said it. Your confession hung in the air like a long-lasting firework, smoking and glittering in the air. Simon sighed deeply.

“I know the feeling.”

You hadn’t expected such a response—you looked over to see he was now the one studying his sleepwear, lids hung low on sad eyes. “But it’s not true. You need to know that.”

His gaze returned to you as he spoke. “Every part of you is gorgeous.” He adjusted himself so he was facing you. “I love your strength, and your patience, I love the way you laugh, and, love, listen to me,” his words made you turn to face him.

“I love your body. Every inch. Every scar. Every hill and valley, every freckle..”

He lifted a finger to brush a smattering of delicate marks on your skin, making you smile.

“I know it’s not easy.”

His eyes held a wide space that told you what he said was true. Further, he likely never had a space to address those insecurities. A surge of affection and connection warmed your cheeks.

“Are you still sensitive?” He asked softly.

The aching was there, but not debilitating at present.

“No, I feel a bit better..”

“Can I show you what I’m saying?” His hand traveled up to rest behind your bicep, gently pulling you toward him.

“How?”

Instead of verbally answering, he took your waist and the underside of your knee in his arms, turning you in the air so you laid properly on the bed. Your yelp was overshadowed by his impressive sound effects, and your noise of surprise quickly transitioned to a laughing fit. Simon pulled back, grinning at his own antics, before leaning down to capture your lips.

He was especially touchy this time around; not one area of your body was left unattended to, or without praise. Eventually you lay in your shorts and bra, Simon hovering over your frame. You couldn’t help but watch the movement of the muscles in his back as he kissed down your neck for the umpteenth time.

“I love every part of you.” He whispered it into your sternum before kissing the skin there again, his lips soft and warmer than the June breeze.

He rose to sit against the headrest, situating you on his lap comfortably. You kissed him for a few moments before pulling back, studying the flecks of bright sapphire in his eyes.

“I love every part of you.”

You threw his words back at him, and he looked stunned. Kissing him again, you hoped to any god that would listen that your words stuck the way his did.

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files' Collector's Edition: Fight the Future Fics (Part I)

No introduction necessary, I think.

Loose chronological order below~!

astronaught's Equilibrium - Entr'acte

""He doesn’t like having an aversion to smallness because it means he might reject a truth for being insufficiently grand. Tall tales curdle in Kurtzweil’s mouth, and for the eighty-seventh time that year he feels dirtied by their hold on him....

If their work was going to be destroyed by anything, he didn’t think it would be because she lost her nerve. He and she share a tendency to hold their noses when it comes to dealing with the spiritually mundane, but they don’t do so childishly....

But all the same. Their intellectual honesty has always been its own kind of snobbery. It isn’t really smallness (nor practicality, nor effort) that he’s averse to, but rather inefficiency of a very specific kind. His duty is to the necessary. To the fundamentally true....

And he thought she was the same.""

Mulder and Scully spin their wheels, confused and hurt by each other's lines they draw about the work.

red2007's Icarus

""One breath. Two breaths. Chest compressions.

Molten lava was licking through his veins. Every movement he made, every memory he conjured was a four alarm fire coursing through his body. He’d been pulled closer to her everyday since they’d first met, no one else heard him or bothered to listen. No one could see him the way she did, she made him feel relevant. Her trust in him made him feel invincible. He didn’t remember what life was like before her, he didn’t care to.

He was terrified of a life without her and it was burning him up from the inside out. This partnership turned friendship turned codependency turned love…he didn’t know how to survive without it.""

Mulder's body is on fire with adrenaline as he pushes its limits to save his partner.

@leiascully's (Ao3)

OctoberFicFest Day 6: Frost (Ao3)

""He’s too desperate to revive her to think of how empty, how shattered his heart will be if she doesn’t wake up."" 

Mulder ruminates on twisted fairytales while saving his frosted partner.

To The Ends Of The Earth (Ao3)

""He’s still shivering, even in his suit in the sun in the summer. He’s seen her shivering too. They’ve both been drinking more coffee since Antarctica. He’s been watching her lace her fingers around her mugs, just letting the warmth seep into her. He hopes his hand is as soothing to her as the terrible coffee in the bullpen.

“If I quit now, they win,” she said. He turns it over and over in his mind as they walk. He doesn’t know where they’re going. He doesn’t care. They’re together. They survived. They have their work. That’s all that matters to him anymore, Scully and the work.""

Post FTF Mulder and Scully leisure around DC, he enjoying and she surprising.

@scapegrace74-blog/scapegrace74's Walking After You

""It was foreordained that Mulder be beside her.  Where fear and the improbable intersected in her life, there was her partner, vigilant defender against all her katabases.  She no longer questioned his presence there.  He simply was.

...Her beautiful Don Quixote, caring only for the quest, and not its consequences.""

Scully pulls Mulder to her on the ice, contemplating her childhood dreams and her partner's revitalized wonder.

@all-these-ghosts's (Ao3

if i am hopeful - Chapter 6

""After everything, all of the strife and regret, she will die here. In this great whiteness. They say that freezing to death is an easy way to go, but she is a doctor and a realist and nothing, nothing has ever been easy for them.

He has already stopped shivering."" 

Scully is convinced she and Mulder will freeze to death, noting his deterioration but grateful to perish with him.

unfinished business

""This is Scully, he reminds himself. Scully who follows him on every insane adventure, who pulls him back from the edge, who not even a year ago was dying in a hospital bed while he raged, unable to contend with his absolute powerlessness.

And now, here in his living room: he is not powerless.""

AU-- Scully is overthinking her rescue, questioning why Mulder went to the ends of the earth for her. He finally demonstrates why.

@scully/humancredentials’s

a series of tumblr prompts - Chapter 8 (Ao3)

""Her eyes sting, her tears freezing on her face as soon as they fall. She feels the ache in her bones and her lungs burn with every inhale of cold air. She presses her cracked lips to his forehead and tastes blood. His, she thinks, but she’s not sure....

“Mulder,” she murmurs, her voice hoarse and underused. He doesn’t react, doesn’t even move, this foolish hero of hers that followed her to the ends of the earth. He has given her his warmest clothes.""

Scully begs her partner to stay awake, thrilled and relieved when he cracks a joke.

@frangipanidownunder’s (Ao3) 

I Love You Prompts: Tiny Fics - Chapter 2

""Thank you,” she says and her voice is cracked like the ice.

He doesn’t know what to say. She would have done the same for him. Had done the same. Their rescues of each other are becoming more epic by the year. He chuffs out a laugh at the thought but it gets stuck in the frozen air.""

Mulder drags Scully to the Snocat, letting Scully off the hook for not remembering the hallway completely. They always save each other, after all.

Cold, happy, tired.

""She can recall his expression though. Standing before her in that chamber, willing her to breathe. His lips parted, his eyes wide with a mix of terror and happiness. Wet hair flopping over his face. He had saved her and himself - the relieved note in his voice told her that. In that moment, a tiny speck of time between them, she knew she loved him. Irrefutably. The thought flashed through her mind, a bolt of reality. It warmed her chest, spurred her on.""

AU-- Scully sees the spaceship; and, mind blown, helps drag her weary partner to safety, welcoming his tiny little move.

@sixhours/6hoursgirl's (FFN) Waking Hours - Chapter 1 (FFN)

""Mulder,” she tries again, jaw aching with the effort. “Wake up.”

He does, then, ice crystal lashes blinking open to reveal muddy hazel eyes. His lips form her name, a soundless whisper cast into the storm, received by mutual telepathy.""

Scully wakes Mulder up in the icefield, pulling him away from looking for the spaceship he claimed to have seen for more practical pursuits.

@scullydubois/scully_dubois's txf prompts - Chapter 2

""He is numb to everything except a weight and warmth near--one that could not possibly have originated from him, for he has known nothing except ragging breath and stillness for...well, he doesn’t know how long. There are no sunrises or sunsets here to mark the time.

He remembers, then, why he is here. That he’s not alone. That he came here to rescue the one person that’s ever believed him when he needed it, and that he did, and so she must be here, she must be that weight against his side.""

Mulder wakes to Scully, filling her while on the ice and leaving it open-ended on how to go forward.

@contrivedcoincidences6/Spooky66/geektime66’s

Never Let You Go

""For as long as I live I’ll never be able to get the image of her in that capsule out of my head. It will haunt me till the day I die.""

Mulder drags Scully back to the Snocat, both vowing to never let the other go.

Helpless

""I’m too late.

As I helplessly pump at her chest I begin to feel the sobs. My chest and my throat feel like they are being ripped open with the force of them.

She’s gone. Scully is dead and there is no point in living.""

Mulder has a nightmare; and he makes a move on Scully while she attempts to comfort him.

@i-gaze-at-scully’s (Ao3)

Tundra

""I saw it,” you whispered, holding me, as the loose wet hair around your face froze in strands.

Belief as soft and fresh as the snow we laid in insulated us from the cold.""

Mulder and Scully lay on the tundra, warmed by their belief.

Pad Thai and poison apples

""They get out together though, naturally, at the basement level. Scully wants to be smug, wants to rub it in Diana’s face that this is her office, her work, her.... she wants to, but she can’t. Not without a nameplate on the door. Or even a desk.""

Post FTF Diana goads Scully about not getting a lunch invite from Mulder. And even though he'd forgotten about Fowley, it doesn't soothe the sting.

ML/ML_is_me’s (Ao3, Gossamer, DW, Invidiosa)  and LaVa, Jacquie and Tess

Fight the Good Fight

""His cot was less than ten feet from hers but it might as well have been ten miles. She was exhausted by the time she reached his side. Collapsing onto the floor beside him, she called to him.

"Mulder. It's me."

Fear sent her heart bumping against her breastbone when he didn't stir.""

Scully is worried for her partner, both physically and mentally: it's obvious that he's losing his drive for a quest that always hurts her.

@allyinthekeyofx’s (Ao3)

Small Considerations Between Partners - 6 (Ao3)

""Because mostly what I remember is the fear; the absolute all encompassing terror I felt when I tried to swallow and discovered my throat was blocked by a tube, gagging as I tried to scream, to shout, to have someone please come to get it out of me. This invader of my prone body that stole my breath and rendered me almost hysterical as I fought with everything I had to lift my hands in an attempt to rid myself of it; the restraints that prevented me from doing so biting cruelly in to the soft flesh of my wrists even as I arched myself from the bed, the high pitched sound of alarms piercing my already aching head as I silently screamed for him to help me, needing him to find me, to save me just this one last time as scalding tears streamed down my face only to become instantly chilled against my skin.""

Scully is traumatized while recovering from her experience; but Mulder is there (as always) to comfort and reassure.

@danascullysrationalism/ARoadInCapeCod's Whatever's Left

""For too long, she had been his ripcord.... She would always bring him up and out. Alive.... It had saved him too many times when he wandered too far in the ticks of light that led him astray. She was the storm that let him live. He always knew there was something righteous inside her.

This was all he could do to thank her.""

Scully is lost in her recovery, knowing she can't follow Mulder forever; and Mulder is lost watching her recover, knowing he can't give her more.

chezamanda's The Five Times Fox Mulder Didn’t Tell Dana Scully He Loved Her (and the One Time He Did)

""Now here they are, still together even though it feels like the world is constantly trying to keep them apart. If I quit now, they win.

FTF (amongst other seasons) Mulder ruminates thrice on his awe of and love for Scully.

Singing_Violin's This I Can Do

""We are so cold. But she is alive. I am thankful for that."" 

The one thing that Fox Mulder can do is hold Dana Scully.

@broadcastnews1987/audries/@kennedyandheidi/inkspl0tchess's (WBM 1/2/3)

string theory (or seven times dana scully wore fox mulder's clothes)

""be careful,” she thinks she says as the medics move them into the helicopter. the voice in her head is cool, detached, precise. hypothermia demands gentle treatment, it says. he needs me, she tries to tell them, he told me so. she doesn’t know why they won’t let her hold his hand.

two days later and he is slouching in her doorway wearing sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt. he tilts his head to wait for permission and she uncurls her fingers to open her palm like a flower.""

Scully's hypothermia hinders her responses but not her resolve-- to care for and stay with her partner.

DanaScully77's Delirium

""Dearie, you really shouldn’t be speaking.” The nurse is kind with a calming hand on his chest. “Do you remember what happened?”

Mulder shakes his head no. His eyes are pleading with the nurse, confusion too thick in his brain to make sense of anything around him. All that keeps ringing in his mind is that Scully is hurt and that he needs to get to her.

“You both were found in Antarctica by a team of scientists exploring disturbances in the ice. Do you remember how you got there?”

Flashes of alien testing tubes fill his mind and his jaw opens. “Scully."" 

The Unnatural Mulder remembers comforting Scully during the events of FTF. Now, they enjoy hot cocoa at his apartment, happy.

@frogsmulder/Brynstein's Chapter 1: Post Fight the Future

""Mulder, it's me."

He couldn't help but let a laugh go down the line. "Never have I heard sweeter words, Scully."

"Mulder?" The was a pause of quiet, no doubt filled by the rise of a singular eyebrow. "Have you just taken your meds?""

Post FTF Mulder wanders around, bored, before calling Scully to re-patch his wound.

@mashnotesofthemythopoeic/Penumbra/The_Mythopoeic - Works/Penumbra's X-Files Fiction (Alt., Zuffy's Tripod)

The Cretan Paradox

""No minotaur," she says, as they gain the center.

"Looking for trouble, Scully?" he asks, with some intent. His soft mouth quirks.

Labyrinths, Mulder explains, are convoluted journeys fraught with dead ends and blind passages, and are solved by intuition and creativity. "But a maze is a left-brained puzzle." He looks down at her, eyes narrow and warm in the afternoon light. Not unlike you, his eyes say.""

Post FTF Mulder takes Scully to a maze, showing her how to always escape it and leading up to his tentative movie night invite.

AUs

@oceanofthesky/noifsandsorbees’s White Noise (Ao3)

""She smiles and she laughs. A lot.” Mulder says suddenly, and his eyes are faraway, lit up and peaceful. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“What are you talking about, Mulder?”

“Scully. The rare moments when she lets herself be happy. It’s really something.""

Mulder and Scully may resolve things between them in the hallway, but she's still reassigned. Many phone calls, doubts, and insecurities plague their long-term relationship, deeply rooted by the time they're reunited.

@starwalker42 (Ao3

can't stay awake

""Underneath our cocoon of blankets, trembling fingers wrap around mine. I barely feel the contact, but I’m glad for it all the same. It’s not lost on me that not an hour ago, she was frozen in ice on the brink of death, and now she’s the one comforting me. She’s too good at this – looking after me when she’s the one in pain. I know I don’t deserve Dana Scully. I certainly don’t deserve to die next to her. But I’m glad that if I have to go, I get to go like this.""  

Mulder keeps a slurring Scully awake by bantering about penguins; but the two of them soon slow on the ice, dropping a love you before they succumb to sleep.

@o6666666's (Ao3) Prompts 1, 2, and 83

""He came with a big bottle of aloe, planning to paint her cheeks with it. How funny that his conscientious Scully should get sunburned in the dog days of August from lying out on the ice. (It wasn’t funny.)

They’d brought her all the way to Antarctica in her skirt suit. He pictured the henchmen in their parkas and gloves and boots, none of them caring how she shivered.""

Mulder's guilt over his ice-burned, clingy Scully almost destroys the potential between them. She sees past his reticence and reassures.

2plumsandagherkin's Like You Wanted to

""Do you remember anything that happened… in the hallway?” he asked, tentatively.

“No, what happened in the hallway?”

He explained about her getting stung by the bee and the ambulance crew taking her and trying to shoot him, but she had the feeling he was leaving something out."" 

Scully doesn't recall the hallway incident until later, rushing over to Mulder's and affirming her love.

@frostbitepandaaaaa/FrostbitePanda’s Four Days AU

""If she had just followed her parents’ wishes... she would be laying in a king bed right now. Safe in some boring suburb with a dog and perhaps even some handsome husband watching reruns of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and idly wondering what it would feel like to be a pioneer, a woman planted on the edge of the unknown, spread before her vast and endless and hers for the taking. 

That’s what Mulder gave her— a borderless realm, a fertile landscape lain with both the dreadful and the sublime.

“I’ve always felt… that it should interest me. That… in order to be a real person in the world, I needed to want those things.” She shakes her head, tilted back on the seat, staring at the riveted ceiling, beaded with condensation. 

A great breath shifts out of him, but he says nothing. 

“But the only thing that has ever made me feel like a real person, Mulder, is you."" 

While trapped in the Snocat for four days, Mulder and Scully reopen their hallway discussion and plan for a first date that is not over file cabbage packaged meals. Diana tries to throw a wrench in that; but Skinner is not going to sit idly by at the FBi shindig.

Ann Ripley's Any Resemblance

""The chip was reinserted and her health steadily improved. I know this because I was able to watch the process through a two-way mirror.... They cured her but also filtered out all her memory of our work, our partnership, our love.

Anna's recovery and future safety was the price I paid for my silence. Any subsequent investigation into the consortium or revelation of colonization plans would result in the cancer's return. It was not too high a price to pay. I would do it again in a second.

The show debuted a year after Mrs. Spriggs wheeled Anna out of the consortium-run hospital and started a new life.""

FTF was based on the life of two real people; but the fact was separated from fiction after the unhappy reality. The man who Mulder was based on watches the show, ruminating on all that never and really was.

Enjoy!

[mindlessentropy]

i'm not sure if you've already posted any, but do you have any tatsujun disability/sickfic hcs?

I have not! I love a good sickfic so this is perfect (and relevant at the moment, unfortunately) I'll make a part two explaining my disability headcanons when I get the time and energy!

I hope you like reading about sick Jun and Tatsuya, because this is going to be a long one.

For the sickfic front, I think Jun would be more prone to catching colds. He's around many students every day, probably at least a little stressed due to anxiety (whether that's a result of the trauma he went through in IS or the trauma he can't remember in EP is up to you!) and doesn't exercise like Tatsuya does. So, Tatsuya is usually helping him out during flu season.

Sick Jun Headcanons

The longer he's sick, the more independent Jun tries to become. He loves doting on Tatsuya, and just hates being unable to reciprocate. It doesn't matter if he still has a hundred degree fever, and can barely stand without getting lightheaded, or even hold solid food down. He's getting his ass up and making Tatsuya something to eat. Or so he thinks, till Tatsuya picks him up and puts him back in bed. They continue this until Jun gets the hint or gets too exhausted to continue the game.

Jun thinks he's being unfair by not reciprocating, as if his sleepy smiles and quiet "thank you"'s aren't enough. Tatsuya's happy to do this for the rest of his life if it means that in the midst of all this pain he can bring the man he loves so much a little relief, or even joy. They say "in sickness and health" for a reason. Plus, he knows if Jun could he would do the same.

Tatsuya thinks he sleeps a lot, until he's reminded what it really means to sleep all day when Jun catches a cold. There's been a few times he's taken him back to the hospital just because he was almost sure he was in a coma. Most of the time, Jun can and will just sleep his cold off. Eighteen hours of rest a day broken up by six hour segments of lucidity... Tatsuya is happy to help Jun as much as he can when he's awake. Though he'll often get frustrated because he won't wake him up to ask for help if Tatsuya's asleep when Jun needs something.

Otherwise, Tatsuya's vigilant. I've briefly mentioned it before, but I love the idea of Tatsuya inheriting Katsuya's habit of getting anxious over nothing (perhaps they got it from their mother?) He's constantly reminding Jun to drink water, trying to get him to eat when the nausea settles a little, keeping watch of the time so he can make sure Jun takes his medicine regularly. Jun secretly loves being doted on so much, especially in the IS timeline where he grew up without any of this love and attention.

Jun being spoon-fed soup when he's too tired to hold the bowl or spoon and too hungry to pace himself... When he's done, his head being pulled into Tatsuya's lap. Warm, loving fingers running through his hair as he's told he did a good job, to just rest for now. That he's right here if Jun needs anything, just focus on keeping it down so he can get his energy back up. (Coming from experience, it gets exhausting not eating or keeping food down.) Slowly falling back asleep, comforted by Tatsuya. When he finally wakes up, he feels so much better. Enough to even help Tatsuya around the house a bit. Oh, but he suddenly has a relapse when it's time to eat. Tatsuya will just have to feed him again, sigh...

When Jun recovers, he's full of energy. Bouncing around the house working on chores (Tatsuya did his best! But he is a little lazy when it comes to housework and enjoys his "life hacks", like the time he canonically showered with his clothes on because it was faster in Tatsuya Scenario.) Now that he is able to reciprocate he's taking care of everything, flirting with Tatsuya like there's no tomorrow, so affectionate Tatsuya's practically drowning in it. Tatsuya allows it for a little bit, in fact he enjoys the downtime and seeing him so energetic after being worried for Jun's health. But he is an independent man at heart, and can't handle someone taking care of everything for him.

Sick Tatsuya Headcanons

Tatsuya, meanwhile, rarely gets sick. He has a great immune system, partially due to his healthy lifestyle (if you don't count all the clubbing and drugs!) partially due to his genetics, and honestly part of it is just plain stubborn refusal to be weak.

Tatsuya will power through just about anything, so to get him to admit defeat and stay in bed is tough. Jun has his ways of getting him to cooperate though. A pair of big wet puppy dog eyes, a soft yet sad "Please rest, Tatsuya. I'm worried about you.", a hand running across his hot forehead, his frown deepening at how warm it is, before trailing it down his cheek... Before Tatsuya knows it he's in bed, and every time he looks at Jun he just doesn't have the will to get back up.

It's a game of slowly being broken down by Jun till he finally caves in and asks for help. He feels so awful he can barely sleep, (One of his favorite things to do! How miserable.) can't get up because he hates the look of worry Jun gives him, and can't get himself to ask for help with anything. But that's okay! Jun loves to dote on him, and he's gotten very good at reading Tatsuya's body language. Before he even has to worry about figuring out how to ask for something from Jun, he's already on it.

The first thing Tatsuya caves in and asks for is always, without fail, cuddles. There's nothing he wants more than to just hold Jun and hear him talk till the pain goes away. Bury his head in Jun's shoulder and listen to his soothing humming, maybe Jun even sings to him sometimes. He plays the organ, perhaps Junko taught him a few songs to sing as well. He mostly chooses lullabies, hoping to get Tatsuya to finally fall asleep. The few times it works he finds the sight so adorable he almost dies of cuteness. Tatsuya hasn't said anything about having a favorite, but Jun is slowly realizing he really likes twinkle twinkle little star and you are my sunshine.

He reads to Tatsuya as well. Tatsuya will rest his head against Jun's chest, snuggled up to him. He finds Jun's voice incredibly soothing, and it's fun experiencing plot twists with him. Even when his head gets too foggy to fully understand what's happening, Jun is always happy to kindly explain where they are at and what's going on.

Eventually, he slowly gets the confidence to ask for more help. Basic necessities, like food, water, kisses on the forehead, his fingers running through Tatsuya's hair... Simple things Tatsuya can't live without. Of course, Jun is always ready to help. Having him vocalize his wants just makes things easier. Truthfully, he rather enjoys having his independent Leo so dependent on him. There's a thrill to being trusted so much that he can drop the lone wolf act and let Jun nurse him back to health. If he knew it wouldn't make Tatsuya sad to be unable to do things himself, he'd consider wishing Tacchi could be like this forever.

Eventually he does recover. Jun can tell because he starts getting shy, asking for help less and less. Sometimes he can't even look Jun in the eye, as if he's ashamed of how weak he was. But again, Jun has tricks up his sleeve. He slowly plays up his own helplessness, asking for assistance with things he knows he can do himself but would be easy for Tatsuya to do as he recovers. Getting the pickle jar open, reaching things on a high shelf, holding this "heavy" object for Jun... It works very well. Before he knows it, his Tatsuya is back to his normal hot-blooded independent self, doing what he can to take care of Jun. Affectionate as always, but once again struggling to vocalize what he wants from Jun.

[lokisasylum]

This is your wake up call to delete all those BTS games & rate them 1 star.

I'm an avid gamer, maybe not like I used to before the pandemic, but I do love video games and when they first brought up SuperStarBTS I was HOOKED and could not put it down. I would play it everywhere; at work, at home, waiting for food at a restaurant, at the cafe, before bed---ect.

When the BT21 games started I also got into them but after awhile deleted it (it was that or left my phone blow up 8D )

But as the games started changing and we transitioned to BTS World & BTS Universe Story where you could either play the BU storyline or create or bring your own fanfics to life... that's when I got tired of them and just didn't bother.

And then we began seeing the sketchy things they would slip into these games, thinking that we wouldn't notice:

The first time we raised a RED FLAG 🚩🚨 to this we were called childish, overreacting, hysterical, "stupid solos", victimizers, and all that ignorant bullshit the fandom has been brainwashed into saying & attacking anyone who goes against these narratives and microaggressions towards Jimin. (Meanwhile the fandom moved quickly to trend dumb #s because they didn't like that the gender of the player wasn't neutral LOL!!!)

And now we got this issue with In The Seom (and its not the first time by the way). Putting up MORE narratives to make Jimin seem like he's useless and weak without the group. Like he doesn't feel good enough as an artist, that he's "better off leaving the group". And then you got the company stans trying to AGAIN gaslight everyone into being okay with this because "Remember? They went through this period before debut"

I'm glad you remember that, Karen, but what you forget is that BTS In The Seom has NOTHING to do with with their lives pre or post debut. Its a different FANTASY storyline, because that's what BTS World was for. So what is the need to continuously trying to capitalized on past trauma while constantly shoving these narratives that are no longer relevant on to new players or fans?

Why don't they ever mention THE TRUTH? That Jimin never received vocal lessons unlike the other 3 members of VL by the company so he had to observe and learn BY HIMSELF? That he joined last and received the bare minimum of time to prepare before debuting with the group? Or that they MADE him expose his body despite being a minor while the others got "saved" from baring this responsibility to constantly work out, diet to maintain a certain image (also imposed by the company, since all of them were pushed into roles in the beginning).

You wanna know why? Because its better to make the member look like a failure than to admit the company is simply SHIT and all they cared about from the start is finding ways to make money off of them. And that includes their insecurities &/or past traumatic experiences going through the phases of being an idol in a highly judgemental society.

Because you expect people to believe that Jimin is still this NOW?

And not THIS ↓?

This wasn't even his concert and he still ATE ↓

Mr. DOUBLE GLOBAL BRAND AMBASSADOR FOR DIOR AND TIFFANY & Co.

[alaffy]

Bridgerton, Ep. 3x06 - Loving Mr. Bridgerton (spoilers)

Well, it all had to come crashing down at some point.  But I really do like how they are handling everything in this episode.  And Benedict's story actually seems to be progressing.

Ah, Kate and Anthony sort of just fucked off somewhere this episode.

Penelope’s sisters are still themselves.  Although, how many weeks have passed?  Neither one is showing yet it seems.

Will has decided to let go of the club.  What I like about his story, and Alice’s, is they are being mentored by Lady Danbury.  In Queen Charlotte, we see how Danbury was this major force when it came to bridging the divide between the old, white guard and the new, diverse aristocrats.  And it is clear that Danbury sees Will and Alice leading the next wave; where perhaps class is not as relevant?  That anyone can become part of the Ton?  So, of course, Danbury tells them that they must host a ball.

Meanwhile, Violet seems to be a little sweet on Lady Danbury’s brother.  But Lady Danbury isn’t going to let Violet go so easily.  Um, as platonic friends, not as….um, you know, not going down this road.  It turns out that Danbury’s bother is younger than her (like I said in a pervious post, I cannot tell who’s older and who’s younger with this cast).  And the reason why Danbury is angry is because it turns out that, the night before she got married, she had the chance to run away.  However, her brother ended up telling their father. And so, she was caught and ended up having to marry Lord Danbury. The thing is Danbury's brother was 10 years old at the time, so it's clearly obvious he had no idea what he was condemning his sister to. But it's also understandable why she's upset. Anyway, she doesn't want him to take anymore of her life than he already has, or at least she believes he already has, and so she wants him to stay away from Violet. Which is why she's trying to introduce him to every available widow in town.

Francesca and Lord Kilmartin Have decided that they are going to get married. They also would like to apply for a special license, so that they can get married quickly because they want to go ahead and start setting up their own home. Of course, to get that license they have to appeal to the Queen. Violet isn't opposed to the marriage, but is afraid that the Queen could be, and so she kind of wants to put the marriage off as long as possible. But she does agree to try to speak to the Queen. Although she's not moving fast enough for Francesca; who, by the end of the episode, kinda isn't speaking to her mother.

Also, I love how Lord Kilmartin starts forming a bond with the brothers.

Benedict is still with Tilley. However, she decides to throw a dinner party for herself, Benedict and a friend named Paul. The night does seem to go well, and Benedict and Paul do hit it off. But in the end, Benedict is surprised to see Paul and Tilley kissing, so he chooses to depart. A few posts back, when writing about Colin being with two women, I mentioned that Benedict was the only Bridgerton male with whom I wouldn't find it surprising to find him in bed with two women. Let me just say, this doesn't apply to just women.

Cressida, of course, thinks that her life is now saved because she has guaranteed that the man who wanted to marry her will no longer marry her. The problem is, she didn't consider the downside to pretending to be Lady Whistledown. First off, her father is pissed and is threatening to send her away to his sister's home in Wales. And then the Queen Orders Cressida and her mother to come to court. You know, with soldiers. Cressida has to explain to the Queen why she chose to reveal her secret as Lady Whistledown. Cressida tries to give some reasons, but the Queen isn't buying it. And she basically says, look, I don't believe that you pay attention to anything besides yourself. Except Cressida actually does, we see it in other episodes.  Therefore, she is able to give some gossip that the Queen, or at least enough gossip to make the Queen at least consider that possibly Cressida is telling the truth. Of course, for Cressida to really prove herself, she's going to have to write the next issue of Whistledown. And of course, when Cressida tries to write, it's very clear that she does not have the skill of Penelope.

Penelope, meanwhile, is trying to basically take Whistledown’s name back. Except she's having a hell of a time writing. I think part of that is because she’s Kind of subconsciously thinking the same thing that Eloise ends up telling her later on in the episode. Let Cressida take the credit for being Whistledown. Cressida will prove herself to be false in the end. And just stop writing. Give up this gossip column before it hurts anybody else. And kinda to backtrack, since we're on this subject, might as well talk about this here. Eloise does come and talk with Penelope. And tells her that…well, first, Penelope apologizes for not telling Colin the truth and saying that she was going to tell him. But then Eloise also admits that when she tried to tell him, she realized she couldn't do it because she knew she was gonna break his heart. And in fact, she actually tells Penelope, you know what? Seeing is how Cressida has taken credit for Whistledown. Don't tell him anything; just stop writing. And of course, you know Penelope's upset about that because it is Cressida, who has bullied her for years, and this idea that Cressida is now taking kind of her voice…I mean, I can understand why Penelope’s upset.

But Penelope? Is also again considering what her future with Colin is going to be and she's given a lot of advice by Eloise and by her mother and kind of by Colin himself. Of course, her mother's advice is crap; but her mother's advice is also coming from a place of a woman who married for security and did not have a husband that supported her. Colin would be interested in Penelope’s dreams.  So, you know, that's not advice that Penelope should be listening to. But ultimately, Penelope decides to take Eloise’s advice, let Cressida prove herself false, and give up the column. In fact, she goes to Madame de Lacroix to let her know that she's giving up, which is kind of interesting. I don't remember seeing de Lacroix too much in this season so far. Has she been in any episodes? But also, de Lacroix is not thrilled that Penelope’s giving up her column as that gives Penelope power. But she's also not going to tell Penelope what to do.

So, Penelope focuses on her upcoming wedding with Colin, which is going to happen in about 3 weeks.  Also, we find out Colin is trying to turn his journals into a proper book, but is having…uh, performance issues.  Penelope offers to edit, but he feels that he needs to do this himself to prove himself to her.  Also, also Penelope admits to Colin that she has loved him for years.

 Meanwhile, Cressida is trying to figure out a way to write a pamphlet. And, of all things, she decides to sneak to the churchyard (By the way, Cressida has been forbidden to leave her room) sneak into the churchyard in broad daylight, after a church sermon, in what is basically pink flotation devices on her arms, and beckons Eloise over. And then has the audacity to tell Eloise “Don't tell anyone that I was here”. Bitch. She doesn't need to tell anybody. Everyone can see you. Anyway, Cressida tries to get Eloise to help her write the pamphlet, but of course she forgot that Eloise was one of the victims of. Whistledown. And Eloise, at this point, has just kind of had enough of Cressida, so she's just like, yeah, I don't think we're gonna have anything else to talk about. And kind of leaves her there.

Oh. Also, earlier in the episode, Colin asked Eloise if she knew that Cressida was Whistledown. And, of course, she said she didn't and basically is talking rings around her brother saying that she would go talk to the author blah blah blah. She is lying by omission.

Oh, and just to make sure that everybody's going to feel like they've been stabbed in the heart by the end of the episode, we also have several cute moments between Colin and Penelope. But let's get to the end of the episode, or closer to the end of the episode, where we're at Alice's ball. Alice turns out to be an amazing Hostess, which is no surprise, and the Queen is quite impressed. Cressida arrives at the ball with her mother. See, the thing is, the lie about Cressida being Whistledown has gotten more traction and has gotten worse. The father has lost his membership in his club and is getting more and more pissed. And Cressida’s mother realizes the only way that she's going to save.well, supposedly her daughter, but basically herself is to convince the world that her daughter is in fact, Whistledown. 

Everybody is surprised that Cressida is at the ball, especially the Queen, considering she told Cressida don't be in my presence so long as that new issue hasn't come out. But, of course, Cressida and her mother have been able to at least cobble a short paragraph together and it makes her sound exactly like Whistledown.  And they say that an issue is forthcoming.

Of course, both Penelope and Eloise realize what kind of trouble this is going to bring. Because they kind of figured that Cressida wouldn't be able to pull it off, and now it looks like she can. So, Penelope and Eloise go off into a secluded room.  Collin catches them leaving the ball.

What I like about what happens next is…well, there's two things. First of all, we have Eloise talking about how she thought she was making things better but ended up making things worse, which is not the first time she’s done that. And because she is given a lot of ammo to Cressida, she knows that she has just put her family in danger again.  Just like she did last year. And when Penelope tries to apologize for the article again; Eloise, it's just like, you know what? Stop. It's time for me to take responsibility for what I did. The reality is, is that that article had to be published because of my recklessness. Now, that doesn't mean that Penelope shouldn't have told Eloise the truth before publishing; it's just acknowledging, hey, you're not the only one to blame in this situation. I gotta take responsibility for me too.

The second thing that happens is that Penelope explains to Eloise just why she started that column, how powerless she felt in her own home, how she was forced into the marriage market a year earlier than she really was supposed to get come out. And this was her way to take some power for herself. But that she was reckless, and she did things and hurt people. And that was wrong. That she should have been a voice for all those people that were voiceless. And she tells Eloise, I need to publish at least once more article, to prove that Cressida is a fake and to save The Bridgertons.  Eloise ends up agreeing and so Penelope goes and quickly writes a new Whistledown article.   She goes to her printer, to get it published.

But as she leaves the printer’s, she sees Colin in the alley.  Colin has followed her and realizes that she is Lady Whistledown. 

[isfjmel-phleg]

This is a personal post.

Day 2 of the recent convention ended with our having to go to bed insanely early so we could get up for our flight at the crack of dawn the next day, so I didn't get around to an account of how it went. I would be very much shocked if anyone was on the edge of their seats waiting for that, but if it still matters, here's how it went:

No dramatic five AM alerts, so that was nice.

We had to attend mandatory sessions of our choice of various presentations of information relevant to college students. Since I am no longer a college student, almost none of these were relevant to me, so I tagged along with the rest of my group, who decided to attend one on applying for grad schools.

Apparently this is a Grand Ordeal to be schemed and strategized for with all the thoroughness of preparing for battle. You have to be ambitious, you have to network, it sounds horrifying. (I ended up in grad school sort of accidentally, and it was not all that fuss because my school is very laidback about who they let in, which is lucky for me but probably an issue in other ways. But anyway.)

So I mostly just kept silent and people-watched. One of the presenters was a bubbly young woman in a strongly pink pantsuit with sparkly heels. Her term of approval in conversation was "Beautiful!" She was like a sort of real-life Elle Woods, except going into sports psychology. Good for her.

One of the girls from the group that I ended up arguing about the nature of hot dogs with two days before was presenting that morning on Jane Eyre, so I went and heard her. I was not familiar with the other text she was discussing, and I can't say that the lens of ecofeminism is one that fascinates me, but it was a fresh perspective, and she did a good job.

Then my friend and I went to hear a presentation on a certain personality type system, and...that poor guy was so nervous. He had potentially interesting things to say, but he was struggling to find how to discuss them. Presentations aren't easy. Also, he is possibly not the type that he told my friend (who asked him) he was.

Our faculty sponsor was judging during every session and so was not able to see any of us present, so it was my job to show up to the two other presentations from our group and take pictures. They were within minutes of each other under separate topics, but fortunately the rooms were next door to each other.

My friend was a communications major and she talked about muted group theory and consubstantiality in relation to a recent popular film. I don't feel the same way about this film that she does, but she had insightful things to say and she did an excellent job because she's fantastic at this sort of thing. She got good engagement too--including some guy who was missing the point and gave her an opportunity to address a common objection to her argument.

Our undergrad chemist did a fine job too, despite working with a setup that was very different from what she was used to. I had no idea what she was talking about at all, but she clearly knew what she was talking about.

We had hoped to go to a museum with a lady that my friend had randomly befriended the night before, who was planning to attend with a friend who had lived through the historical events in question, but unfortunately our schedules did not coincide, so we went to lunch instead.

Forgot to say that the day before we had lunch at a Brazilian steakhouse, which was An Experience. This time, though, it was chicken, and some fascinating conversation. Our faculty sponsor is a history professor, and she's going to be teaching a class on family genealogy soon, and so we were talking about family history and other things and finding out interesting things about each other.

The history professor and our chemist decided to go back to the hotel room to work on other things, but since my friend and I had nothing pressing to do, we went to the art museum.

Not just because art museums are fantastic, but because there was an exhibit of costumes from Disney films that we particularly wanted to see.

Before we could get in to that exhibit though, we had time to kill, so we wandered through rooms of European art, sorted by era, so it was like a history lesson too. Starting in the fourteenth century, and somewhere around the nineteenth we had to move on.

The costumes were glorious and I wish we had had more time to observe, but here are a few that were of interest:

Everything culminated in the big awards dinner. We ended up at a table with assorted other women, including my friend's new friend, who was just the sweetest, friendliest lady. Pretty much everyone we met from this area were very kind, very polite.

There were people from all over at the convention. One woman at our table was originally from Venice! Lots of fascinating conversation, and having all disciplines represented there rather than just one meant you were sure to learn a lot you might not have otherwise. At English honor society conventions I've been to, there can be a sort of prentiousness, so it was refreshing not to get that here. Everyone was supportive of everyone else.

(This was maybe the one opportunity of my life to wear a fascinator with a peacock feather--to match the peacock-patterned dress meant to coordinate with the dinner's desired color scheme of blue and green--and it was totally worth it. 10/10 would recommend going about with a bizarre thing on my head in public.)

No one in our group won an award. This was kind of disappointing. Undergrads were judged against only others in their discipline, but grad students and alumni members (like my friend and me respectively) as smaller groups were lumped in with all others of their standing. And if you're an English major jawing about a children's book, you can't really compete with a PhD presenting on a Serious and Important topic in American History, can you? (I didn't see that presentation, but I'm sure the award was well-deserved; there were a lot of strong presenters.)

However, this was my first time doing a presentation of this type. I got my ideas out there, there was good engagement, I got some ideas and hopefully others did too, so that's the main point, and I would say that the presentation was a reasonably successful one. And our faculty sponsor did not express any disappointment that we hadn't won anything, so that was a relief. We did not disgrace the school.

So then we did the last of our packing and tried to sleep.

This was difficult, because my brain chose that moment to light up with Thoughts about my friend's observations on muted group theory and how that might apply to how female writers (as opposed to male writers) address certain topics in comics such as Kon's and Grant's.

So my poor friend got treated to that discussion as our plane took off the next day.

It was a good trip, albeit quick and exhausting. I would visit this city again, and I would attend another such convention if given the opportunity. Maybe not to discuss another children's book. I should try for something more Serious and Important. Maybe comics. :P

(oh, and our chemist had a poster for her presentation that she had to carry around in a gigantic cardboard tube all through airports and to her session, and by the end of the trip we told her she ought to name it, so from then on it was Mr. Tube, whom the rest of us sometimes had to babysit. I was very glad I was not traveling with a poster.)

[katieaki]

My ✨ post-apocalyptic Lesbian Cowgirl Mailman choose-your-own adventure✨ has just updated! Read it here for free on my Patreon and vote in the poll! I made a summary of the first part, here, which tells you basically everything you need to know about Lou, her (newly discovered as) requited-but-complicated love, and the ill-advised journey she is on!

With wounded body and wounded pride, Lou spends some time privately yearning for the woman she loves before getting into some theological questions with Skylark and semi-willingly participating in some group yearning with her and Artie. Lou has another nap. It’s a little more interesting than it comes across here, I promise.

Lou never got to go to school, so she never got to attend Wasteland DARE or Wasteland health class sex ed. Depending on how you vote, this may become relevant.

There are two polls this time. Huge great news for those of you who are mostly following Pony Express to click a button!! You may also notice that the poll is active for a little longer this time, since I'm going to be taking a brief hiatus while I get MARRIED!

“Followed the creek to a spring,” Artie said, proudly lifting the two buckets of water up to shoulder height. “I’d call it warm, not hot, but it’s definitely batheable.” 

“Oh, I would love a bath,” Skylark said, leaning back, eyes closed, luxuriating in her imaginary bath. “A hot bath and a real bed. Feather pillow. Cool glass of pinesol with lemon. And ice cubes.”

“Fuck yeah. A really hot bath. With bubble bath. And some ice coffee and really fresh, chewy noodles and cucumber salad. And a really tall slice of strawberry cake,” Artie said, setting the buckets of water down with a slosh. She had closed her eyes, too, but opened them to prompt Lou with a nod. 

Lou shrugged at her.

“If you could have anything right now, what would it be? Anything,” Artie clarified.

“I’m not gonna get it,” Lou said. “What’s the point?”

“Gods, cowgirl. Fuck. I don’t know? Having a tiny bit of fun? Recreational yearning? Playing?” Artie said. She had draped herself across Skylark’s back and rested her chin on top of her head. Lou didn’t like remembering that Skylark, who she felt fond of, was allied with her. “Use your fucking imagination.”

If she could have anything in the world at that moment, it would be half of a pimento cheese sandwich, Venus with the other half, a sweet iced tea with mint, just little enough space that her feet could keep ‘accidentally’ brushing against hers, and somebody smoking nearby but not too nearby. She swallowed and closed her eyes. “Hamburger, medium rare, with french fried potatoes,” Lou said, after a moment. “And a lot of pickles. Spears. Like six or seven of ‘em.”

[ne0nwithazero]

/ Long Vent rambles etc. I was just going to make a short post, but it escalated, so uh... tw mental health talk

I told myself I wanted to make at least one more Cable AU cutscene video before the year ends, but I've just had so many thoughts lately...

I haven't started planning it much beyond rotating scenes in my head. I've mainly been trying to flesh out other parts of the AU before getting to that... Plus my whole burnout situation hasn't been helping, setting up the website, starting the course next month, trying to take commissions on the side, having a cancer scare, all sorts of other health issues popping up, etc. It has not been a good year and this has been one of the few things to keep me afloat...

As much as I want to be able to do as much of this by myself, there are things that are just beyond my skill set. Music, battle concepts, environments, brainstorming ideas... Sure I can brute-force myself into learning it, and I'm just good enough at talking to myself that bouncing ideas off of myself can be a one-person feat

But like, even if I learn it, it all has started to feel so overwhelming... I keep finding myself wishing I had someone as invested as I am that could help, bouncing ideas out of someone who wasn't myself... But I don't know how to make people interested in what I'm doing or what I have to say...

Lately, I've been having these horrible near-constant RSD episodes every single day that just make me so blind to the support I do get.

Two days ago, I was just frozen in bed crying because of the way my brain made me perceive people's disdain for me (A fabricated disdain in my mind which wasn't there to begin with).

I feel like I could put all this love and care into my story and characters, but in the end, there are so many much more developed and fleshed-out AUs out there... What does mine have to offer? What's the point of pursuing a story for a predictive AU that will inevitably lose all relevance when the actual chapter of its source comes out?

I've just been comparing myself way too much to other AUs and creators and feeling inadequate... I feel like everyone is doing amazing things and I'm just here in the background, desperately trying to do it as well, but yet, I just constantly feel like I'm falling behind... Like my characters aren't enough, or that people are bored of them...

In my heart, I know for a fact that I'm doing it for myself. I'm doing it for the love I have for the characters, for the pride I have in my work, for the skills I can improve, for the hidden lore I keep putting in my stories, and for the facets of myself that all my characters embody one way or the other...

But I don't know for how much longer I can keep doing things for an audience of One...