#khalid type beat

[tonyswaymusic]

Ambient | Sexy | Hypnotic - Drake/Doja Cat - Trapsoul RNB type Beat (All...

[internetgirlfri3nd]

Listen tell me what you think

[domjaehyun]

the boy is mine (l.dh) — part one

PAIRING. haechan x fem!reader (also jeno x reader) GENRES. smut, angst WORD COUNT. 19k CONTENTS. infidelity, alcohol & weed consumption (MC is a non-smoker if that matters to you), explicit smut (dirty talk, fingering, finger sucking, oral (receiving), rimming (receiving), groping/frottage, marking, spit play, (brief) ear play, breast play, creampies/unprotected sex (if you explicitly need me, a stranger on the internet, to tell you not to fuck raw, you are not responsible enough to be reading this. move along now), snowballing, public sex, car sex, riding, bratty dom-leaning switch!haechan, bratty sub-leaning switch!reader, sweet dom!jeno, face riding, handjob, overstimulation (receiving), praise kink (receiving), light degradation kink (giving), mating press, morning sex) NOTES. welcome back to meeeeeeee!!! i hope you enjoy this fic because i worked very hard on it!! please leave feedback if you liked it :) i would also greatly appreciate tips if you really liked it :3 THANK YOU LIKE THE HUUUUUGEST THANK YOU TO BRI (@jalitepng) FOR BETA READING THIS BIG OL FIC :D PLAYLIST. the boy is mine - ariana grande // fantasize - ariana grande (unreleased) // lowkey (feat. erykah badu) - teyana taylor // agora hills - doja cat // pussy is mine - miguel // softest touch - khalid // cut - tori kelly // seatbelt - josh levi // often - doja cat // surrender - nbdy

how can it be you and me? might be meant to be, can’t unsee it but i don’t wanna cause no scene i’m usually so unproblematic, so independent, tell me why ‘cause the boy is mine.

You suppose your fate was sealed from the beginning. 

Even as you’re riding in the passenger seat of Yunjin’s car as she speeds down the freeway, your heart filled with a relief and fulfillment you haven’t had for the past six months, you can’t help but feel like something’s… lacking.

“So, spill,” you hear Seulgi pipe up from the backseat. “How many little British boy hearts did you break on your little Oxford trip?”

“Who says I broke any hearts?!” you exclaim with an incredulous laugh, and everyone in the car turns and gives you the same unimpressed look. “Oh, that was creepy. Did y’all plan that?”

“You were gone for six whole months and you want us to believe you got up to no romantic shenanigans? Hm?” Seulgi asks, narrowing her eyes at you, and you narrow yours right back.

“I didn’t break any hearts!” you defend yourself, and Chaewon sighs.

“Did you stow away a cute British boy in your carry-on?” she asks, and you make a face.

“Certainly not.” 

“Then there’s a broken heart floating around in Oxford as we speak!” Chaewon insists, and you scowl.

“Let me out right here.” you mutter, turning to open the door on the freeway, laughing as the other inhabitants of the car gasp and shriek in alarm. “I’m joking!” 

“You’re crazy, that's what you are.” Yunjin clarifies, and you giggle.

“I was having a laugh.” you say unapologetically. “Anyway, I didn’t really get up to too much in Oxford, really. I was focused on studying, I guess.”

“Oh, lame!” Seulgi boos, and you roll your eyes.

“I’m here now, though, so the hot girl spring and summer can commence!” you say happily, and your friends cheer. 

“Winter just texted asking if we got you off the plane okay,” Chaewon announces, and you shake your head.

“Tell her my seatbelt got stuck and wouldn’t let me out and so they took me back to England.” you suggest, and Yunjin snickers.

“Tell her the pilot got confused and took her to the wrong New York. If she asks what other New York, just be like, ‘the other one?’” she adds on, and Chaewon snorts.

“You’re both terrible.” she laughs as she types in a response.

“What’d you tell her?” Seulgi asks.

“That she got held back for getting her bag searched and they found five kilos of cocaine. So they took her out back and made her snort all of it as punishment and now she’s running amok in the city like Cocaine Bear. She’ll beat us back to the house.” 

“And we’re terrible?!” you exclaim indignantly.

“Well, yes.” Chaewon replies calmly. “Mine is obviously a lie.”

“Wh— My seatbelt getting stuck isn’t an obvious lie?” you splutter. 

“Well, that could actually happen!” she defends, and you blink at her incredulously.

“I didn’t expect the lesbian to forget that scissors exist.”

Chaewon’s jaw drops and she jabs a finger in your direction. “Homophobe!” She turns to Seulgi for support, but Seulgi just shakes her head.

“You’re alone in this one, Chae,” Seulgi giggles. “I laughed, I’m sorry.”

“Man, this is some bullshit.” Chaewon grumbles. “You’re supposed to have my back! We’re… we’re sapphic sistren!”

“You actually did not just say that.” Seulgi marvels. “Sapphic sistren is crazy.”

“I had to pull the gay card to win.” Chaewon says with a shrug. “I’m not sorry.”

“Can we get back on topic, please?” Yunjin laughs incredulously. “Jesus, it’s like if you put squirrels on a podcast.”

“We should make a podcast, actually.” Seulgi suggests, and you nod.

“We could call it ‘That’s Nuts,’” you say excitedly.

Chaewon snorts. “I’m in.”

Yunjin beeps her horn loudly, garnering all of your attention as you all jump in surprise. “We’re outside all spring and summer, right?”

“Well, after work, yeah.” you agree, and she smiles, nodding.

“I don’t want to hear you missed out on a fun fling or opportunity because you were busy working.” Yunjin jabs her finger at you accusingly, and your hands fly up defensively.

“In my defense, doing my job is way less risky than taking chances romantically.”

“Yeah, but where’s the fun in that?” Yunjin complains. “Live, girl!”  

“There are gonna be cute guys at the party, obviously. So I will live!” you insist, and Yunjin nods.

“That’s more like it.”

Returning to your thoughts for a moment, it dawns on you that romantic excitement is exactly what you’re lacking. You want to love; you want to love someone and be loved by that someone and for that love to be something beautiful and consuming, and you’re not sure how much longer you’re going to have to wait. 

You’re in the middle of making a mental pact with yourself to be just a bit more daring, a tad more forward and bold when it comes to love, when Seulgi and Chaewon laugh loudly at something on one of their phones, snapping you out of your internal monologue, and you shift in your seat, turning to face them.

“I can’t believe you guys left your whole apartment unattended during a house party just to welcome me home,” you sniff dramatically, and Seulgi snorts.

“Anything for you, my friend.” she replies with a playful crinkle of her nose, and you reach out to pinch it lightly.

“Besides, it’s not like it’s completely unattended! Winter’s there.” Chaewon points out, and you raise your eyebrows skeptically.

“Right… what is her non-confrontational ass gonna do if something goes wrong?” you ask, and Seulgi winces.

“Good point. Maybe step on it, Yunjin.” 

“I’m already going twenty over the speed limit!” she exclaims defensively.

“You’re not even exaggerating,” Chaewon half-gasps, half-laughs as she leans forward to look at the speedometer. “We might make it there quicker, but we might not make it there safely.”

“We are here for a good time!” Yunjin yells, whipping her hair around excitedly. “Not a long time!”

“Deeply concerning words coming from our driver.” Seulgi snickers quietly, and you nod, turning back to sit in your seat properly. “So…”

You peer at her through the rearview mirror curiously. “So?”

“I’m just imagining Jeno’s reaction when he sees you again for the first time.” She shrugs with a faint teasing smile, and you can feel your cheeks warming as a small smile starts to tug at your lips.

Jeno’s had a thing for you for the past… year and a half—at least, that you’re aware of—and you won’t lie, he’s definitely easy on the eyes and a sweetheart to top it all off. Before you went away to Oxford, you two had built up a bit of a flirtationship that neither of you tried to push further because of your study abroad trip you had planned.

Now, however, you’re back, and you’re admittedly excited to see if it leads to something worthwhile. 

“He’ll probably do that little crescent-eyed smile he always does when you spare him a crumb of attention.” Chaewon supplies as you’re lost in thought, and you roll your eyes as Yunjin nods knowingly.

“I’m willing to bet he’s gonna try to be glued to your side all night.” she adds, and you sigh loudly and dramatically.

“You guys are really something else, you know that?”

“You love it!” Chaewon says confidently, and you can’t help but smile fondly, nodding in agreement.

“I kinda do.”

Yunjin spares you a sideways glance that lingers for suspiciously long on your frame, and you raise an eyebrow.

“My eyes are up here.” you joke, waving a hand in her line of sight, “and, more importantly, the road is over there.” She chuckles and relents, refocusing her attention on the road, but she has that telltale look on her face that usually means she has something on her mind. “What are you thinking about?”

“Well—not that I’m judging at all, because, you know… live your life, girl.” Yunjin pipes up, and you turn to look at her, curiously awaiting the rest of her thought. “But are you gonna wear that to the party?”

You look down at your comfortable sweats and hoodie, perfect airport attire, and look back up at Yunjin with a playful frown. “What, is this not cute enough?”

“Well…” she trails off, and Seulgi pops her head forward between the front two car seats.

“No! It’s not a good enough outfit! You’re the guest of honor at your own welcome home party, and you have to come harder than some cozy gray sweats with a hole by the ankle.” Seulgi scolds, and you roll your eyes with an amused smile.

“Obviously I’m not going to wear this to the party, girl.” you laugh, and Seulgi sighs in relief. “I was just messing with you.”

“Well, cut it out! You know I’m gullible.” She frowns, and you reach into the backseat to pat her hand comfortingly.

“All the more reason to mess with you, my love.” you reply with a deceptively innocent smile. “Anyway, when we get back home, I have to shower and freshen up and change into my actual outfit. I also have to sort out the presents I brought back for everyone and make sure Jeno’s cake is still in good shape.”

“I still can’t believe you baked him a cake,” Chaewon marvels. “It’s giving domestic. Housewife, even.”

“Martha Stewart found jobless,” Seulgi adds, and you snort.

“I know this is his favorite type of cake, so I just… thought I’d make it for him.” you mumble quietly with a small, dismissive shrug.

“That is very cute to me,” Yunjin says reassuringly before punching the horn roughly and making the rest of the three of you jump in surprise. “Stupid fucker doesn’t know how to use his turn signal?!”

“Yunjin, calm down,” you advise, patting her knee gently.

“I am calm,” she replies, her tone level, and you pull your hand back, still eying her suspiciously. Sure enough, as she drives by the driver that failed to use his turn signal, she rolls her window down and yells out a string of expletives that makes Chaewon gasp in horror.

As Yunjin rolls her window back up and turns the radio up, you sit back and smile, thinking about how happy you are to be back at home.

You get home an entire eight minutes before your initial ETA, making Yunjin grin proudly when you make the announcement. 

After your friends help you bring your luggage up to your apartment, you go into the bathroom to freshen up. After the extensive process that was showering, brushing your teeth, reapplying your skincare and makeup, and applying lotion and getting dressed, you emerge, fresh-faced and victorious, into your living room where your friends lie sprawled on your couch as they wait for you. The only eyesore about your appearance is the large sack you’re carrying of presents you brought back for your friends.

“I’m ready!” you chirp happily, and Yunjin is the first to look up from her phone at you, eyes taking in your casual and comfortable yet cute attire before she nods appreciatively.

“It’s giving Santa Claus,” Seulgi chuckles, gesturing at your large bag slung over your shoulder.

“Ho, ho, ho,” you drawl with an amused roll of your eyes.  

“Stop it, Seulgi,” Chaewon scolds before focusing her gaze on you. “You look cute! Bet you-know-who’s gonna be all over you.” she says with a teasing grin, and you roll your eyes despite smiling before you set the bag down and set about getting out your gifts for your friends that are present.

You hand Yunjin a wrapped box of gorgeous shoes from an England-exclusive boutique and she sets about unwrapping it, her eyes widening with excitement as she reveals the present inside.

“Holy shit?” she gasps, gaping at the shoes. “These are perfect!”

“They’re so you,” you agree with a proud nod. “I saw them one day through a window while I was walking down the street and had to stop in and get them for you.”

“My turn, my turn!” Chaewon exclaims eagerly, bouncing in place as you root through your large sack and pull out a small wrapped box, which you hand to Chaewon carefully. She squeals in excitement once she’s opened the present, leaping up and engulfing you in a tight hug. “My perfume! I thought they discontinued it!”

“They stopped selling it in the States, but I managed to track down a store that still had some in stock, so I got you a couple—y’know, so you wouldn’t run out.” you say, smiling, and she beams at you.

“You’re the best.” she says seriously, looking you directly in the eyes to drive home her sincerity.

“I try,” you reply with a nonchalant shrug before reaching into the bag once more and pulling out one last present for Seulgi, wiggling the box at her invitingly. 

“For moi?” she asks with feigned surprise, a hand to her chest.

“Indeed,” you confirm with a grin, and she sits forward, taking the gift from your hand and opening it up.

“Oh, my God.” she exhales in shock, staring down at the designer earrings and bracelet set. “These look expensive as fuck.”

“They kinda were,” you admit sheepishly. “All of your gifts were a pretty penny, actually, but you guys definitely deserve them. Those really spoke to me, and I thought they’d look gorgeous on you.”

“Thank you, my love,” Seulgi coos affectionately, standing up to engulf you in a hug. Yunjin and Chaewon join in a brief moment after, the four of you hugging tightly for a lingering, blissful moment.

“You’re all very welcome. Are we ready to go now?” you say, changing the subject with ease even as your voice is muffled into Seulgi’s shoulder, and Seulgi pulls back immediately with an emphatic nod. 

“Ready as ever! Our fridge has snacks that are calling to me from over here.”

“You’re such a drama queen.” you scoff in amusement as you all head to your front door and file out after each other.

“Must have gotten it from hanging out around you.” she replies with playfully narrowed eyes in your direction.

“Oh, really?” you challenge, biting back a laugh, and she nods, puffing out her chest comically as she chest-bumps you on purpose. “Assaulting me in the middle of my apartment complex is actually wild and unheard of, and you will be hearing from my attorney.”

“Bring it on, baby!” she urges, and Yunjin rolls her eyes in poorly concealed amusement as you two start to giggle at your antics, the sounds of mirth ringing out in the lobby as you exit the elevator.

“You two are so strange,” she remarks in wonder. “But later for that. Onto more pressing matters!”

“Such as?” you question, holding the door open for Chaewon to follow behind you into the street. 

“How long will it take us to get from our house to yours?” Yunjin asks, pulling out her phone to search for it, but Chaewon seems to be one step ahead, already focused on her phone screen.

“The travel time from here to our house,” she announces loudly, squinting at her phone momentarily, “is roughly twenty minutes.” You all stand around Yunjin’s car at your respective doors, waiting for Yunjin to unlock the car so you can get in.

“Hm, yeah? Why so long?” Yunjin asks curiously as she moves to look over Chaewon’s shoulder. “Traffic, huh? …I bet I can shave that time down to fifteen minutes.” Her eyes glint with excitement as she presses her car door remote, the sudden and loud beep-beep of the doors unlocking making you and Seulgi flinch for a moment.

“Dear Lord, help us all,” Seulgi mumbles as you all climb into Yunjin’s car, strapping in before she peels out of her parking space and zooms into the night. 

True to her word, Yunjin precariously shaves six minutes off your travel time and you pull up to Chaewon’s and Seulgi’s apartment earlier than anticipated, exhilarated and pumped full of adrenaline. 

“Are you excited to be back at La Casa Payasa?” Seulgi asks with a smile, and you nod with a relieved sigh.

“It’s just like I remember it.” you hum fondly as you head up to their door and bring your fist to the door, only getting to knock once before the door swings open and Mark throws himself at you for a hug.

You catch him with a surprised laugh, stumbling back from the impact slightly but returning the tight hug nonetheless. He tucks his face into your neck and mumbles something that you can’t hear, prompting you to pull back slightly.

“I didn’t hear a word you said,” you chuckle, and he pulls back as well so you can see his bright smile.

“I missed you so much,” he repeats, and you coo fondly, pulling him back into the hug. 

“I missed you, too!” you chirp warmly, squeezing him in the hug for good measure. When you two pull apart, Chenle’s standing beside Mark and grinning at you. “Hey, Chenle!” 

“Hey, stranger,” he teases, pulling you into a hug of his own. “Long time, huh? Let’s hear that British accent you developed over there.”

“I don’t know what you’re on about,” you reply in your best British impression, and he bursts out laughing.

“Man, that’s good stuff,” he chuckles with a shake of his head. “We missed you over here!” he complains, moving to swat you on the arm. “Don’t leave again.”

“I’ll do my best to stick around.” you assure him, and he smiles and nods, content.

“Now what’s with this big ass bag you’re carrying, huh? Did you stow away some British goodies for us?” Chenle asks curiously, pinching the fabric of the sack over your shoulder. 

“Something like that,” you say slowly before you set it down and reach inside, handing Chenle and Mark their respective gifts. As they open them, Mark being considerably more careful than Chenle, you wait, hands clasped behind your back and rocking back and forth on your heels.

“How the hell did you get a signed Steph Curry jersey?” Chenle questions, baffled and thrilled, and you shrug with a secretive smile.

“I have my ways.”

“Never mind that—how did you get Frank Ocean himself to sign this album?” Mark asks, downright bewildered, and you shrug again.

“Ways that I have… that are mine.”

“You’re so silly, but this is amazing,” Chenle laughs, hugging you. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome,” you lilt sweetly, and Mark looks up from the Frank Ocean vinyl again to meet your inquisitive gaze with wide, awestruck eyes.

“You’re incredible. Genuinely.” he stammers, and you smile widely as he pulls you into a hug as well once Chenle’s released you. 

“I do my best,” you reply happily.

“Wait, also, how was your flight? Anything crazy happen?” Chenle asks curiously, and you pause as you think back.

“Actually, yeah; these two guys got into a verbal argument and then one of ‘em was like, ‘I’ll beat everyone’s ass right now!’ Which, objectively, is a crazy thing to say, but crazier to insist when you’re in a metal contraption thousands of feet in the air.” you start explaining, and Chenle’s eyes widen.

“No way,” he mumbles. “Then what?”

“Then he started threatening the flight crew, and I’m pretty sure he got placed on the no-fly list.” you finish with a solemn nod, and Mark gasps.

“I could never imagine never being able to fly again.” he mutters in awe, and you nod in agreement. 

“I know, right? He had it coming, though.” you say, and they shrug, nodding in agreement.

“I guess so,” Mark agrees before his face lights up as he seems to remember something. “Hey, where’s Jeno? He’s been waiting for you to show up.”

“I think he’s with Winter and Haechan right now,” Chenle answers, and you scrunch your face up in confusion.

“Who’s Haechan?” you ask, baffled, before it dawns on you. “Oh, wait, that’s Winter’s new boyfriend?” you ask, and they nod. “I see… well, can’t wait to meet him, I guess.” You shrug indifferently, now craning your head to look around for Jeno. 

You spot him before he spots you, the male standing alone texting on his phone by the couch. As if he can sense you looking, he looks up and his eyes lock on yours a moment later, his entire face brightening up as he starts to make his way over to where you’re standing.

By the time he’s where you are, you’re both sporting excited yet shy smiles as he opens his arms for a hug and you step into it. His arms drop to your waist and you wrap yours around his middle as he squeezes you gently.

“Hey,” he mumbles into the embrace, a smile audible in his voice.

“Hey, there.” you greet.

“Welcome back.”

“Good to be back,” you reply with a little grin.

“Did you have a good flight?” he asks curiously, and you nod.

“Minus a crazy guy on the plane, but it all ended fine,” you assure him, and he looks momentarily bewildered but manages to rein in his reaction.

“That’s good, I think… what seat did you get?” he questions, leaving you somewhat touched by his thoughtful questions. 

“I got a window seat,” you answer with a smile, and he nods in approval. 

“I love a good window seat,” he hums. “Did you watch a movie or nap or something?”

“I napped for a bit, yeah,” you chuckle, suddenly remembering how you’d had a bit of drool dried on your cheek earlier. Subconsciously wiping at the spot, you smile up at him casually. “I’m still a little tired, though.”

He frowns sympathetically before a little hopeful smile appears on his face. “Well, I hope you’re not too tired, because I wanted to give you something.” 

Your eyes widen. “You got me something?” 

He nods shyly. “I got you something. It’s in my car, though, and I parked kinda far, so I have to go get it. Come find me later when I come back so I can give it to you.”

“You got it,” you say with a smile. “I’ll come find you for sure. I actually have something for you, too, so we can trade.”

“Oh, no way! You’re the best.” He beams, squeezing your waist, at which point you realize you two never let go from the hug. Your cheeks on fire, you withdraw your arms from his middle and he does the same to you with an amused chuckle.

“I’m actually gonna go grab something from the kitchen,” you say, jerking a thumb in the direction of the hallway. “You want anything?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m gonna run to the bathroom, actually.” he answers, and you nod before you two go your separate ways. You turn back at the sound of your name to see Jeno looking at you with a soft gaze and an even softer smile that makes you feel like you’re a giggly school girl all over again.

“It’s really good to have you back. It really wasn’t the same without you. Seeing all your Instagram stories gave me a crazy sense of FOMO, and our little phone calls here and there really made me miss you even more,” he says sincerely, and you place a hand over your heart, touched.

“I’m really happy to be back,” you assure him. “I missed you.” His brows flick upwards in surprise at your somewhat bold admission, and you blink twice in mild alarm before continuing in a slight rush with, “I—well, like, I missed you, and Yunjin, and Chae—I missed you all, y’know? The story posts were so you wouldn’t forget about little ol’ me. I loved our phone calls, but it’s so much better getting to talk to you in person.”

He laughs lightheartedly and nods, waving you off reassuringly. “I get you. Go get yourself some snacks! We didn’t stock up on your favorites for some random people to eat it all up before you get any.”

“Copy that,” you say with an emphatic nod, saluting him jokingly before heading to the kitchen.

As you’re making your way to the snacks, you catch the eye of a very handsome stranger leaning against the wall in your hallway talking to one of your friends from work. To your surprise, he doesn’t look away from you as you approach, even going so far as to turn his head as you walk by to keep staring at you. 

You’re not sure if you’re more intrigued by him than by the challenge he’s posed, but you keep eye contact until you get to your kitchen and round the corner to find yourself a snack.

Moments after you’ve entered the room, you feel someone enter behind you, a smile coming to your lips as you realize who it most likely is.

When you turn to face the newcomer, he’s standing surprisingly close to you, his eyes scanning your face with an intrigue and intensity that leaves both of you a little breathless. 

“Hi.” the handsome stranger says as his lips curl into a grin. 

“Hi, there,” you echo, smiling back at him. ”Did you follow me in here?”

“Would you believe me if I said it was fate?”

You pretend to think about it. “By the way you watched me walk in here… no.”

He chuckles. “Fair. I had to ask you a question.”

“Luckily for you, I love questions.” you hum, placing both hands on the counter behind you and leaning against it in a silent invitation not only to ask his question, but also to approach.

Thankfully for you, he does both, stepping closer with a small chuckle and asking, “I was wondering if you believe in love at first sight.”

“Oh, brother—” you start to laugh, and he joins you before waving his hands to get you to stop.

“Hear me out!”

“My listening ears are on,” you reply with a smile and coy tilt of your head that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed, based on the way his already probing gaze intensifies.

“Do you?” he asks again, and you think about it for a moment.

“Not really,” you admit, letting out a small giggle at the disapproving look he gives you. “But maybe I can be convinced.”

He smiles widely, looking so bright that it truly dazzles you before continuing on to say, “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Why?” you ask. “Do you?”

“I don’t think I did,” he answers carefully, “until I saw you just now.”

“Oh, brother!” you burst out laughing—half from surprise and half from being flustered by how surprisingly sincere he sounded. In your attempt to recover from your outburst, you catch a glimpse of him to see that he’s gazing at you openly with a fond look in his eyes. “You are really something, you know that?”

He steps closer to you with a heat in his eyes, a glowing ember of intensity burning as he asks, “Something good or something bad?”

You shrug playfully and lean closer, wanting him nearer to you. “Jury’s still out on that part.”

He chuckles and wets his lips before his gaze drops to yours. “Can I present some new evidence?” he murmurs, and you tilt your head to the side as you pretend to think it over. “Has anyone ever told you that it’s really cute when you do that?”

“Of course,” you snicker. “Why do you think I do it?”

“So you’re turning up the charm right now, but you don’t believe in love at first sight?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Is it love at first sight or attraction, sir?”

He grins and steps even closer, dangerously close to touching you. “So you’re attracted to me.”

You look around, confused. “Now who said all that?” 

“You just did.”

”I most certainly did not.”

He half-scoffs, half-laughs in disbelief and points at you accusingly. “I heard you.”

“You heard wrong, I guess,” you reply with a nonchalant shrug before patting his chest twice. Your phone buzzes in your back pocket and you both hesitate, neither of you wanting to exit the intimate moment. However, when it buzzes a second time, then a third, you decide to give up and pull your phone from your pocket to check it.

jeno [23:04] hey i’m back

jeno [23:04] i have your surprise :)

jeno [23:05] let me know where to find you

You lock your phone and look up at the handsome stranger with a small frown. “Anyway, this was great, but I have to go find someone.”

He frowns deeply and catches your hand as it leaves his chest, lacing his fingers with yours and looking up at you. “Do you actually have to leave or am I making you nervous?”

“I told my friend I’d find him later, and it’s officially later,” you explain truthfully, and he seems to hear the sincerity in your voice, because he relaxes visibly. “Maybe I’ll find you after?” you offer, and he perks up, gently squeezing your hand.

“I’d like that.”

“Can I get a name? So I know who I’m looking for later?” you ask.

He smiles, shaking his head. “I’ll tell you when you find me later.”

You pout, and he smiles fondly at you. “I guess.” you relent, grabbing the soda and snacks you came to get off of the counter and heading towards the kitchen exit. “See you later?”

He nods resolutely. “See you later.” 

You exit the kitchen with a small smile that threatens to take over your whole face if you don’t calm your spirits as you begin your second search of the night for Jeno. 

After grabbing the presents you got for him from where you’d stashed them in Chaewon’s room, it doesn’t take you long at all to find him, the male still lingering by the entrance when you spot him. You sneak around a small group of people and pop up beside him, making him jolt in surprise and clutch his chest.

“Hi,” you giggle, and Jeno slumps with relief when his eyes lock on you, a warm smile coming to his face.

“Hey,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“So… how do you want to do this?” you ask curiously. “I can go first if you want?”

“No, I want to go first for sure,” he replies with a sureness in his voice that leaves you a little surprised and mildly impressed.

You gesture for him to start, still holding your present for him behind your back, and he retrieves two small, rectangular boxes from inside his jacket pocket. 

“That looks expensive,” you say worriedly, and he chuckles fondly before waving a hand dismissively.

“It wasn’t too bad, don’t worry.” he replies reassuringly as he hands you the small boxes.

You gesture awkwardly with your hands still behind your back, trying your best to indicate that your hands are currently out of commission, and his eyes light up with understanding before he’s gingerly opening one of the navy blue boxes.

You gasp once you’ve peered into the box, your eyes wide as you look up at him in surprise. ”Jeno.”

“Is it too much? Oh, God, you hate it. I’m sorry–” he starts to worry aloud.

“Wait—Jeno—”

“I can take it back, maybe, and you can pick out something you’d like more—”

“Jeno?”

“I should have thought it through more carefully—”

”Jeno!” your voice is gentle in tone but loud enough to catch his attention, his worried eyes locking in on yours. “Please relax.”

“Sorry,” he mumbles embarrassedly, looking down at the floor.

“I was going to say that I genuinely love them. The necklace and the earrings are stunning, and they’re exactly my style.” you say sincerely, in awe as you stare down at the beautiful pieces of jewelry Jeno bought you. The necklace is a silver choker, a paperclip-like link type chain with a diamond-encrusted butterfly in the center. The earrings are matching silver hoops with butterflies adorned along the rings of metal, and your jaw drops slightly as you take in the beauty of Jeno’s present.

“You really like it?” he asks excitedly, a hint of worry still in his voice, but when you nod, his brows unfurrow and he smiles widely, relieved. “I saw the set and it reminded me of you. It’s beautiful, classy, and fun.” 

You can’t help but smile. “You think I’m classy and fun?”

“Of course,” he answers instantly, and your smile widens as you step closer to him curiously.

“You think I’m beautiful?” you ask with your eyebrows raised, and Jeno visibly swallows.

“I do,” he bashfully agrees, and you coo fondly, wanting nothing more than to set his present down and wrap him in a tight hug. “I really do.” 

“Jeno,” you tease playfully, “I’m kinda dying to know what’s in the other box.”

“Oh, yeah!” he exclaims, closing the first box and opening the second as he explains, “I just got them in gold and silver because I know you tend to wear both depending on your mood and your outfit, so I gave you options.”

“Jeno, that is so thoughtful.” you gush appreciatively, and he blushes immediately, cheeks pinking along with the tips of his ears. “I absolutely love them,” you say gratefully, a warm smile curling your lips.

“Thank God,” he sighs with a laugh that you join him in.

“Okay, so… don’t know how I’m gonna top that,” you joke, “but it’s my turn now.”

“You have my undivided attention,” he assures you, and you can’t help but bat your lashes at him slightly.

“I like the idea of that.” you say flirtatiously, and he chuckles, shaking his head in amusement. “Okay, here, we’ll trade and you’ll open.”

“Deal,” he agrees, swapping presents with you. You watch nervously as he unties the ribbon on the white box and lifts the lid. “This looks delicious, holy shit.”

“I made it myself,” you say carefully. 

He looks up at you in surprise. “From scratch?”

You nod. “From scratch.”

“That’s amazing,” Jeno marvels. “Isn’t Victoria sponge cake hard to make?”

“Baking is only hard if you can’t follow instructions.” you say with a resolute nod, and Jeno snickers.

“I never thought of you as a rule-follower, if I’m being honest,” he admits.

You shrug. “Rules and instructions are very different to me, but I can be very obedient when I want to be.”

Jeno pauses at that, eyeing you suspiciously. “Oh, yeah? Like when?”

“In the bedroom.” you answer without hesitation, smiling in amusement as Jeno’s eyes widen slightly.

“You never gave off ‘obedient,’ y’know.” Jeno informs you.

“If I can tell you know what you’re doing, I’ll listen to you.” you reply with a nonchalant shrug.

“Yeah? Would you listen to me?” Jeno asks, voice quieter and, if you’re not mistaken, lower than before. There’s a suggestive edge to his voice, playful and flirtatious, but in the way that very much indicates that he’d stop joking in a minute if you were into it.

“Depends,” you answer, smiling up at him. “Do you know what you’re doing in there?”

His responding chuckle is significantly deeper than the ones before it, the sound undeniably attractive as he regards you carefully. “Absolutely.”

“Is that so?” you muse softly, watching him intently. “And I’m supposed to go off of your word?”

“You don’t trust me?” he asks, raising an eyebrow, and you shrug.

“I just tend to learn better from experience.” you reply with a small flirtatious smile that threatens to overtake your whole face.

“Maybe we can arrange that.” he says with a playful grin.

“I’ll keep my schedule open.” you say with a curt nod, and he snorts in amusement.

“Perfect.” he agrees before focusing his attention on the smaller box in his arms. He sets the cake box down on the table by the entryway and unwraps the other, cube-shaped box, his eyes widening with excitement when its contents are revealed to him.

“No way!” he gasps, turning the Big Ben snow globe this way and that. 

“I remembered you have a snow globe collection and I thought I could help you add to it.” you explain, and Jeno looks up at you, eyes bright.

“You’re amazing. Thank you so much.” he gushes happily, and you beam at him before waving him off.

“Of course, Jeno. I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you while I was gone.” you say sweetly, and he grins before opening his arms for a hug, 

You step into his embrace readily and wrap your arms around his middle, the two of you squeezing each other tightly. When you pull back slightly, you realize Jeno still hasn’t let you go, his arms still securely wrapped around your waist. 

“I really missed you, y’know.” Jeno says softly, and your heart warms.

“I missed you too, Jeno. It’s good to be back.” you echo, and he smiles before gently releasing you, his reluctance apparent in the way his fingers linger as they pull away from you. “Oh!” you say, remembering something out of nowhere. “I actually still have to give Winter her present, so I’m gonna track her down and do that.”

“Oh, of course, yeah, go for it. Thank you again—I’m gonna demolish this cake later.” Jeno says, finishing his sentence in a conspiratorial whisper, and you giggle.

“I’m glad. I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” You reach up and pinch his chin gently, smiling wider when his blush from earlier returns in full force.

Jeno nods shyly, and you release him before venturing further into the party in search of Winter.

Finally spotting Winter across the room on her phone, you cross the living room and tap her shoulder from behind, smiling widely when she turns around.

“Hey!” she greets excitedly, wrapping you in a hug. You two rock from side to side for a moment, hearts full, before you release each other. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to give you your present,” you say with a small shrug and a smile, and her eyes widen. “It’s nothing crazy!” you warn her, waving your hands dismissively, and she shrugs, reaching out for the gift bag in your hand with opening and closing fists.

“I wanna see! Can I see, please?” Winter pleads, and you give in with a fond laugh, handing over the gift bag. 

You wait with bated breath as she opens the present, her eyes softening fondly as she gazes down at the stuffed plushie in her hand.

“It’s so cute! How’d you even find a desert fox plushie?” she asks, in awe as she turns it this way and that.

“I had it commissioned from a toy store boutique only in England,” you explain, and she smiles widely, wrapping you in another tight hug.

“Thank you so much,” she gushes, pulling back from the embrace to clutch her plushie to her chest tightly. “I gotta come up with a name for you, little guy!”

“You do that,” you laugh, moving a stray curl out of her face. “I’m gonna keep making my way through the party.”

“Okay,” she sing-songs. “See you later!”

“See you, babe!” you chirp, waving goodbye before heading back the way you came, deciding to take a detour into the kitchen for more snacks.

You’re barely in there for five minutes, munching happily on salty and sweet snacks alike, before you exit and run almost directly into the chest of someone; the only thing stopping the collision are their quick reflexes as they steady you in place.

“Sorry!” you apologize, stepping back and looking up to your victim before you stop short and a pleased smile curls your lips.

“Hey, you. Was wondering where you’d run off to.” the handsome stranger from earlier says, smiling at you.

“Oh, y’know. Making the rounds, saying hi to everyone. It is my party, after all.” you reply with a secretive smile, and he steps closer with raised eyebrows of intrigue.

“Is that so?” he asks, and you nod, stepping a bit closer to hear him better. 

“Mm, yeah,” you hum. “You know what’s weird?”

“What is it?” 

“This party is for me, and yet there are people here I’ve never met before,” you muse. “Like you.”

“Maybe it’s a sign you're meant to get to know me.” he suggests with a wry grin, and you roll your eyes with a laugh.

“Good one.” you reply playfully. “So what should we do to get to know each other?” you ask with a playful lilt and feigned curiosity.

“Mm, you could start by telling me more about yourself.” he replies, and you raise your brows.

“‘Myself’ is a very broad topic,” you point out, and he snorts. “Be more specific.”

“Fair, fair.” he agrees with a chuckle. “What are…” he trails off thoughtfully before he perks up again, “your love languages?”

“I feel like this is an unfair advantage sort of question,” you reply with a small pout. (You do not miss the way his gaze softens fondly. Or the way it drops to your lips.) “So, I’ll only answer if you do, too.”

“That’s fair,” he agrees with a smile. “You first, though.”

“Mine are,” you say as you try to recall what the quiz results said the last time you took it, “acts of service, physical touch, and quality time. What about you?”

“Wait, let’s unpack yours first—”

“No, you say yours, then we’ll unpack mine. Fess up, bucko.” you press, poking him gently in the chest.

He laughs at your poke and mini outburst before obliging. “Physical touch,” he murmurs, leaning into your space and smirking slightly when you half-step, half-stumble back, “words of affirmation,” he straightens up and gestures between the two of you casually with a cheeky grin before finishing with, “and quality time.”

“You’re so smooth,” you gush sarcastically, and he snickers.

“Why, thank you. I’d say I try, but then I’d be lying.” 

You shoot him a look. “Don’t push it.”

Holding his hands up in surrender, he shrugs. “My bad.”

“As long as you know.” you reply with a sweet smile, and his gaze softens. “What?”

“You’ve got a beautiful smile, you know that?” he murmurs, and your cheeks warm. 

“Thanks,” you mumble bashfully, and he coos fondly at you. 

“So cute,” he fawns.

You glower at him. “I’m out of here,” you mutter, undeniably flustered and embarrassed about it. 

“Aw, come back, cutie—” he slips his fingers around your wrist gently and tugs you closer, smiling when there’s virtually no resistance from your end. “I didn’t mean to make you all nervous,” he apologizes with a playful, teasing lilt that tells you he might not actually be all that sorry. 

Turning your nose up, you look away from him even as his hand slips down to let his thumb stroke gently at the back of your hand. At your small intake of breath, he smiles and tugs you even closer—dangerously close, actually—before moving to wrap his hand around the small of your back.

It’s almost as if the Fates themselves decided to intervene, the divine timing is that impeccable.

His phone pings, and he frowns before pulling it out of his back pocket and checking the screen. His face falls visibly and so drastically that it actually hurts you to see for a moment, leading you to avert your gaze politely.

His hand slowly retreats from its original path, and you’re shocked to find that you’re a bit disappointed. 

“Do me a small favor? Schedule some time for me later before your busy, busy party ends? I’ll be back.” he says hopefully, squeezing your hand gently before shooting you an apologetic smile and turning to weave between a couple of people before disappearing into the hallway.

You try not to look as disappointed as you feel, but apparently you fail because Seulgi’s by your side moments later from out of virtually nowhere.

“I saw you pouting from all the way across the room,” she chuckles fondly as she strokes your back gently. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not pouting,” you mumble, and Seulgi raises an eyebrow.

“Tell that to your bottom lip,” she points out, and you tuck it back in with an air of defeat. “Exactly. Now what’s wrong?”

“I was talking to this really cute guy earlier,” you admit with a slowly deepening frown, “but he had to leave really suddenly.”

Seulgi makes a sympathetic hum. “Did you get his name?”

“No!” you complain, and she nods in understanding.

“Well, even if he had to leave, he might come to another party in the future—because he clearly knows someone here, you know?” 

“What’s wrong?” Chaewon asks, a tipsy Winter in tow.

“How do you know something’s wrong?” you ask, confused. 

“You’re pouting,” Chaewon points out, and you splutter, bewildered. 

“I’m not!” you exclaim defensively, and Winter winces sympathetically.

“You are.” she confirms, reaching out and unceremoniously poking your bottom lip before giggling to herself.

“She’s mad her party crush pulled a Cinderella and dipped on her,” Seulgi explains.

“Ah,” Chaewon and Winter both say sympathetically.

“That sucks,” Winter sighs. “Speaking of cute guys disappearing—has anyone seen my boyfriend anywhere?”

“What’s he wearing?” you ask, and Winter moves to answer before Chaewon unknowingly cuts her off. 

“It’s so weird that you and Haechan have been at this party for so long and have yet to run into each other.” Chaewon marvels aloud, and you shrug casually.

“I probably walked by him or something and just didn’t know,” you brush it off, and Chaewon nods thoughtfully.

“Walked by who and didn’t know?” Yunjin asks from behind you, and when you turn to face her, she frowns. “Why are you pouting?”

“Mother of God—” you huff, crossing your arms, and Yunjin winces.

“Jeez, tough crowd.” she chuckles. “Walked by who and didn’t know?” she presses.

“Haechan,” you explain, and her brows furrow together in confusion, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Oh,” is all she says after a moment. “Wait, can you, um, come help me with something in the bathroom?” she asks you, eyes concerningly piercing.

“Sure,” you mumble, definitely confused but picking up on her sense of urgency. 

“We’ll be right back,” Yunjin explains, tugging you away. “Roommate problems!” she calls over her shoulder, and you grimace to really sell the direness of the situation.

You let her tug you into the bathroom towards the back of the apartment by Seulgi’s and Chaewon’s bedrooms, and she sits you down on the toilet before taking a deep breath.

“I don’t exactly know how to tell you this, but I was trying to find you earlier before this spiraled out of control.” she starts. 

“You’re scaring me,” you complain, and she shushes you as she unlocks her phone and starts searching for something. 

“You did meet Haechan, actually, but I have a feeling no one told you that you met Haechan.” Yunjin says finally, and you think back to the very small amount of people you met for the first time today, pondering over who it might be before Yunjin turns her phone to show you the screen, and— 

“Fuck.” you mumble hoarsely, and Yunjin nods slightly before closing her phone on the screen she’s just showed you of a photo of your friend group, presumably from when you were abroad, where Winter is sitting happily on the lap of— “that’s the stranger I was talking to.” you say sadly. “My party crush.”

“Did he ever say his name?” she asks, and you think back, growing increasingly more irritated when you realize—

“No,” you mutter bitterly, “he must have conveniently forgotten to share that part.”

“Can I say something?” Yunjin says carefully, and you nod solemnly. “I saw you two staring at each other before he followed you into the kitchen.” Your blood runs cold, and it must show on your face, because she quickly adds, “I’m not mad at you, and I’m not going to tell anyone. I’m just gonna warn you, because that staring contest was intense, and I don’t know what happened in that kitchen—I don’t want to!” she says suddenly, putting her hand up to silence you as you move to speak before slowly continuing with, “I just know none of that can happen in front of Winter, so it shouldn’t happen at all.”

“Agreed.” you sigh sadly. “Yeah. I mean, I’m pissed as hell, and I might maim him the next time I see him, but other than that, I guess I’m fine.”

“I mean. yeah. Definitely agree with maiming him, actually.” she agrees after a moment of thought. “Just do something subtle and easy to explain away.”

You smile at her, your spirits lifted slightly. “You’re the best.” 

“Love you, girl.” she says sincerely, bending down to hug you before helping you to your feet. “I got your back.”

You head back out there with no pout in sight, only a deceptive smile as you plan your revenge.

It’s not long before the not-so-mysterious stranger comes back around, by which time you’ve fully worked yourself up into a huff about the situation once more, crossing your arms, leaning against the wall, and eyeing him disapprovingly as he approaches.

“Why so serious?” he jokes, and you raise an eyebrow.

“At what point were you going to tell me you’re dating Winter?” you ask, deciding to get right to the point, and he freezes, shock on his face. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry,” he says immediately. 

“For what?” you test him, and he frowns deeply.

“For hiding that from you.” he sighs, and you huff as he continues, “I just really wanted to get to know you, and I felt like I had to hide that because you knowing would ruin it!”

You look at him with an eyebrow raised pointedly. “And what would you call this?” 

His frown turns to a petulant pout. “Ruined?” he asks.

“Ding, ding, ding,” you say sarcastically before turning to leave.

“Wait, I’m— I’m really sorry,” he pleads, catching your hand before you can slip away. “Can we start over a little bit?”

“How are we gonna start over a little bit?” you ask skeptically, and he stands up straighter, tugging you a bit closer before smiling hopefully and releasing your hand to wave in greeting. 

“Hi, I’m Haechan, Winter’s boyfriend,” he introduces himself as he offers his hand to shake. As you take it, he gently urges you closer with a testing tug before adding, “and I think you’re beautiful.”

“Haechan!” you whisper, half-laughing in surprise, and he shrugs with a sheepish grin.

“Figured I’d lay all my cards out on the table this time.”

“Kinda ballsy, no?” you raise your eyebrows, crossing your arms, and he chuckles.

“I’m a pretty ballsy guy.” 

You eye him up and down before tilting your head to the side and saying, “I’m sure.”

“So am I forgiven?” he asks hopefully. 

“For now,” you reply after a moment of thinking, and continue at the sight of his excited smile, “but I’m watching you.”

“I’d be upset if you weren’t.” he murmurs, and you roll your eyes with a laugh.

It doesn’t take long for your one-sided animosity to dissipate as you and Haechan manage to fall into a normal enough conversation about your activities in Oxford. At one point, the familiar but unpleasant smell of weed filters into your senses, making you subconsciously wrinkle your nose in distaste. 

Haechan raises an eyebrow, amused. “You alright?”

“You don’t smell that?” you ask, and he sniffs the air before he chuckles.

“I’m guessing you’re not much of a smoker?” he speculates.

You shake your head, tipping your head back to swallow the rest of your drink. “Definitely not.” You lick your lips to clean up the remnants of your drink, and barely stifle the laugh that bubbles up when you notice Haechan watching your mouth with both entirely rapt attention and a slightly dazed expression. “See something you like?”

“Sure do,” he breathes, and you yelp, swatting his arm lightly. “You asked!”

“As a joke!”

“Well, sorry for failing to read the room properly. I was a little, um, distracted.”

“Haechan.”

“Hm?”

“Stop staring at my lips.” 

“What if I don’t?” he asks, stepping closer to you slowly. “Hm?”

“You’re awfully bold for a guy who’s dating one of my friends.” you murmur back, and he shrugs, smiling flirtatiously.

“I know what I want.” he answers casually, and the resolve in his voice takes you by surprise, leaving you to swallow a growing lump in your throat.

“I’m, uh,” you stammer, looking around for something, anything, that can save you from his intense attention. “I’m gonna go see if they want snacks,” you finally answer pathetically, and he doesn’t buy it for a minute, a smug grin curling his lips before he nods, seemingly complying.

He waits for you to move past him, staying perfectly still and therefore forcing you to squeeze between him and the counter, and head towards the living room before he’s so close behind you that he’s practically on you and only then does he reply, a smile audible in his voice as he murmurs, “Let’s go, then.”

“Hi, my dear friends. Are we having a good time?” you ask as you re-enter the living room and scan over each of your friends, all sitting in a circle with Yunjin’s infamous hot pink bong placed carefully in her lap. The party continues on around them, people only sparing cursory glances at the very occupied couch and nearby seating of Seulgi’s and Chaewon’s living room, but you couldn’t care less about the other guests, instead focusing your attention on your seven cross-faded friends. 

Yunjin, ever the lightweight, looks up at you with red-rimmed, half-lidded eyes and a dopey smile. “Never better.” 

“I actually just want to say that I missed you so much,” Chaewon sniffles, hurriedly wiping away a tear before looking up at you earnestly. “I’m so happy you’re back.”

“I missed you, too!” you reply, touched, and she sniffles loudly, the tip of her nose pinking in that signature way that lets you know more tears are en route whether she likes it or not.

“I’m not gonna lie, yo,” Mark mumbles, rubbing a hand over his face and looking over at you. “I’m about to be starving.”

“‘About to be starving’ is crazy, actually.” you snicker, and Mark joins in your laughter, his laugh bubbling up inside of him almost uncontrollably.

“Well, you know how it goes; we smoke, we get high, we get the munchies.” Mark explains, and you nod in understanding. 

“Mark… I went to England for a study abroad program… not to get a lobotomy.” you say slowly, and he snorts loudly in surprise and amusement. “I remember what happens when y’all get high.” you remind him, and he lifts his hands up in surrender, nodding back at you with a grin. “Do you guys want food from the deli down the block?”

“Yes!” The resounding chorus of assent from all your high friends actually takes you by surprise, sending you stepping back in shock only to stumble directly into Haechan’s chest. He steadies you instantly, hands gripping your shoulders securely, and quietly double-checks with you to make sure you’re actually sturdy before releasing you. 

You hate that you found his touch comforting for even a second, trying your best internally to squash the initial attraction you had to him as you attempt to focus on the task at hand.

“Okay, sounds good to me. Can y’all just type your names and what you want in my Notes app?” you ask, unlocking your phone, opening the Notes app, and passing your phone to Yunjin. As your phone makes its way around the circle, you turn slightly to face Haechan, who’s already watching you with an unnerving level of intensity.

“Haechan, why don’t you go with her?” Seulgi suggests, completely missing the warning glare you send her way. “She can’t carry all of that by herself.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem.” he agrees easily, and you purse your lips for a moment, breathing in deeply before turning fully so you’re face-to-face with Haechan. “Looks like we’re gonna spend some more one-on-one time together.” he says with a secretive smile, and you swallow hard, not knowing what to expect from this little excursion.

Your phone eventually makes its way back to you and you look over the orders before putting your phone in your back pocket and heading to grab your coat, Haechan following diligently behind you.

“Okay, we’ll be back soon! Try to hang in there, guys.” you announce, stepping out of the apartment and holding the door open for Haechan, who exits and shuts it behind himself.

As you two make your way down the hall to the elevator, he speeds up slightly so he’s walking in front of you before turning fully around to face you, taking smooth backwards strides down the hall.

“Can I help you with something?” you ask, confused, and he shakes his head with a smile.

“Don’t mind me.” he replies, and you snort in amusement. 

“Kinda hard not to mind you when you seem hellbent on staring holes into my face.” you mutter as you press the elevator button.

“Not my fault you’re nice to look at.” he defends himself, and you look over at him instantly, shock written all over your face. “What’s wrong? Surely you’ve heard that about yourself before.”

“I sure have,” you agree readily, sighing in relief when the elevator door opens. Stepping in, you add, “I just haven’t heard it from the mouth of my friend’s boyfriend.”

“Ah, well.” He follows you into the elevator and shrugs with a “what can you do?” type of smile, making you narrow your eyes. “First time for everything, yeah?”

“Yeah…” you reply slowly, regarding him suspiciously. “Let’s try and make that first time the last time, okay?”

“No promises.” he murmurs, a smile audible in his voice. When you look over at him, he winks at you so quickly you almost think you imagined it, and you jolt, making a noise of bewilderment that sounds embarrassingly close to a mix of a squawk or squeak before turning to face forward again.

The weather actually feels quite nice, you realize when you both get outside, a light, cool breeze filtering through the trees, and you and Haechan walk alongside each other for the first two, maybe three minutes in silence before he breaks it.

“Can I ask you a question?” Haechan asks, looking over at you as you two walk to the deli.

“Depends… is it weird?” you return his question with another question, and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Don’t think so.”

“Okay, then shoot.”

“I noticed your reaction to the smell of the weed smoke earlier,” he recalls, and you hum in acknowledgement. “Do you not smoke?”

“Not at all,” you reply, and he nods in understanding. “I don’t do any drugs.”

“Me either,” he replies, and a mildly surprised smile makes its way to your lips. “Can I ask if you have a reason for never wanting to try anything?”

You’re silent for a moment as you attempt to find the right words to explain yourself and Haechan waits patiently, the two of you walking in a comfortable silence before you break it. “I don’t like the feeling of not being in control of myself.” you say carefully, and he gives you an emphatic nod that piques your curiosity. “You too?”

“Somewhat, yeah, but I was mainly nodding because I completely get it. For me, I don’t like moving any slower than usual or feeling restricted in any way.” 

“That makes perfect sense, too.” you say, giving him a firm, approving nod of your own, and he chuckles quietly. “I’ve always wondered about what it might be like to just… mellow out and calm down, y’know?”

“Definitely,” he agrees. “They usually get so… happy.”

“Exactly! Well, except for when Chaewon starts crying out of nowhere.” you add.

Haechan laughs. “Yeah, I don’t know what that’s about.”

“That’s another thing, too.” you say, starting to feel more comfortable talking about it to someone who understands. “I feel like some drugs—especially, like, weed, LSD, acid, shrooms, and stuff like that—they tend to bring out, like, parts of your subconscious that are typically hidden away.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard about that and I’ve definitely seen it happen,” Haechan says, sounding surprisingly solemn.

“Yeah, so… whatever’s going on under the surface in here,” you say, tapping your temple, “is none of my business.” you finish with a resolute nod, making Haechan snicker. “I will simply continue raw-dogging life on this bitch of an earth.”

“That’s so real.” Haechan says through his laughter, making you smile.

“Thank you!” you chirp. “Also, when you say you don’t like moving slower or feeling restricted, do you mean in a physical or mental sense? Or is it both?”

“Hmm,” Haechan hums thoughtfully. “Definitely both. I just feel like… I would describe myself and my lifestyle as somewhat fast-paced, y’know? Like, not really very sedentary, I’m always on the move, and if I’m high off of, like, weed or something, I feel like all I’d be able to do is… vegetate…  and I hate the thought of that.”

“That’s so real,” you say, echoing Haechan’s earlier statement. “Well, you know, if you want to move faster, there’s always cocaine,” you joke, and he snorts loudly, clearly not expecting your comment. 

“I definitely wouldn’t try cocaine,” he laughs, shaking his head. “I can just imagine my poor mom if I came to visit her one day and I was all strung out and tweaking.”

“Aw, are you a mama’s boy?” you ask teasingly, nudging him with your shoulder.

“Maybe a little bit, yeah,” he admits with a shy smile, and you grin.

“That’s sweet.” you assure him, and he visibly relaxes, laughing with an air of bashfulness. “We’re here, by the way!” you point out, gesturing to the deli less than thirty feet away at the end of the block.

Haechan jogs slightly ahead of you, opening the door and holding it for you to enter.

“Thank you,” you say with a grateful smile as you step inside. The smell of the deli is delicious, the scents of various foods being cooked wafting through the air, and for a moment you half-expect to start floating involuntarily towards the tastiest smelling dish.

“Okay, let’s get these orders in,” you mutter to yourself before making your way over to where the grill cooks are stationed. “Hi, how are you feeling tonight?” you greet politely, exchanging brief pleasantries before continuing on with, “I actually have a pretty big order I’d like to place with sandwiches and sides, but I don’t mind waiting if I have to!”

“Go ahead, miss,” one of the cooks says, and you look down at your phone before starting to read off the orders.

Haechan stands off to the side and watches on as you rattle off the nine different sandwich and side order combos to the cooks, who nod and start to prepare them. When you’re finished, you turn to face Haechan and smile sweetly before leading him towards the drinks and snacks. 

“Okay, can you help me carry these to the front?” you ask Haechan.

“Of course, yeah,” he answers, and you start to hand him various drinks and snacks off of the note everyone wrote in.

“Okay, a raspberry peach Snapple for me… a Redbull for you—wait, Haechan, you like Redbull but you won’t try cocaine…? Seems fake,” you comment, and Haechan lets out a shocked laugh before raising his hands—well, he’s holding a drink in each hand, so fists—in surrender.

“Take it easy on me!” he begs jokingly, and you pretend to think about it before relenting with a smile and continuing to collect the drinks. 

“Mountain Dew for Seulgi… Sprite for Jeno… oop, and a Sprite for Chenle, too… root beer for Winter… blue Gatorade for Mark… Arizona raspberry iced tea for Yunjin, and finally, that XXX Vitamin Water that Chaewon’s always raving about.” You close the refrigerator door with your hip, the two of you carefully carrying your armfuls of beverages to the counter.

“I never got the Vitamin Water hype.” Haechan admits.

“It’s essentially juice, but like water with a splash of juice, maybe two if you’re lucky.” you say. “At least, that’s what I think, but some of them do actually taste pretty good, too.”

“Hm,” he remarks thoughtfully. “I don’t know, I just never got into it.” 

“You got into that Redbull pretty easily though, huh?” you tease, and he laughs, his cheeks pinking ever so slightly, and you’re glad he’s looking away so he can’t see how blatantly you paused to look at him.

“Miss, some of your order is ready!” One of the cooks calls out to you, and you shoot them a thumbs up as they bring two sandwiches and a couple of trays to the counter for you. “Do you want to pay now or when we’re finished preparing everything?”

“Oh, I can pay now! Just let me go get the chips and stuff.” you say before whizzing off to where the snacks are, returning shortly after with Seulgi’s Takis and Chenle’s red Doritos and placing them on the counter triumphantly. 

The worker manning the register rings your stuff up and reads you out the total, to which you respond by pulling out your phone to tap the card reader, but Haechan calls your name before you can complete the transaction, making you look over at him in confusion.

“I got it,” he offers, reaching for the card reader with his own phone only for you to shoot him a funny look and nudge his phone out of the way to finish paying with your own phone. 

“You didn’t have to pay for it, Haechan,” you assure him. “Think of it as the small fee I had to pay for disappearing from the country for about half of a year.”

“Yeah, but I was being a gentleman.” he protests with a frown.

“It’s okay! Be a gentleman to your girlfriend—not me.” you say with expectantly raised brows.

“I’m trying to impress you, though,” he points out, and you roll your eyes.

“Read the room, maybe?” you chuckle, and he scrunches his nose up in distaste. “Something wrong?”

“I’m not much of a reader.” he replies with a dismissive shrug, and you raise your eyebrows.

“I’m a librarian.” you remind him. “My job is literally all about reading.”

“On second thought,” Haechan blurts out, “I literally read every day, all the time.” When you snicker in amusement, he grins and continues with, “I’m being so serious. I’ve read every bottle of shampoo and body wash in my shower front to back!” he presses, and you burst into laughter. 

“You’re ridiculous.” you giggle as you recover from your laughing fit, and he grins shamelessly.

“I made you laugh, though,” he points out with a smug little grin. “So you kinda like it.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you lie with a sniff, looking away. 

“You think I’m funny,” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively as he gets closer. “And if earlier was any indication, you think I’m attractive.”

“Where are you going with this?” you say with a roll of your eyes.

“You like me.” he replies simply, and you choke on your spit. 

“Two fairly objective observations are not an indication of me liking you.” you splutter indignantly, and Haechan raises his brow.

“Being attractive is objective now?” he asks skeptically, and you glare at him, turning to the row of deli cooks pretending not to be watching your conversation intently.

“Is he a handsome guy?” you ask them, and they all look between each other with confusion and mild discomfort. “Literally no homo. Please relax. Is he a handsome guy or is he an uggo?” you emphasize, and one of them snorts.

“He’s definitely not ugly, no,” one of the cooks pipes up, and they all nod in agreement. “Handsome guy, actually.” 

“Good bone structure,” the cook beside him adds, and you could swear Haechan starts to blush. “Yeah, he’s a good looking dude.”

“Sí, muy guapo.” A cook you can’t even see chimes in, and you and Haechan look at each other, bewildered. 

“How many of you are back there?” Haechan asks as he chuckles nervously.

“No te preocupes, amigo.” the same cook says, still concealed from view. “Eres guapísimo.”

“Thank you, guys.” you reply gratefully before turning to stick your tongue out at Haechan triumphantly.

To your surprise, his gaze darkens. “Do that again.”

“No, I’m good.” you reply immediately, fixing your face and turning away from him. “Little freak.”

“Mm, maybe a little bit.” he hums, and you grimace.

“Yuck.” you mutter, narrowing your eyes in his direction. “Get a grip. As I was saying, me finding you funny or attractive has nothing to do with liking you.”

“Why wouldn’t you, though?” he presses, and you let out an exasperated sigh before turning fully to face him. 

“You have a girlfriend!” you whisper-shout, confused even further by the way he looks at you, smug and unimpressed.

“So that’s the only thing stopping you?” he says slowly, and you pause as you realize what you’ve admitted to.

“It’s the only thing that matters.” you huff with an air of finality, and Haechan just chuckles, stepping closer.

“Not this? Hm? Not how good—no—how right this feels?” he murmurs suggestively, and you shake your head firmly.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.” you mutter, and he scoffs in disbelief. 

“Are you really gonna keep playing dumb?” 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you sing-song, and he rolls his eyes.

“Sure.” he murmurs, amused. 

Desperate to change the topic, you look around, your eyes landing on the bags of food on the countertop.

“Man, those fries smell so good,” you groan, staring enviously at the bag containing Winter’s order of curly fries.

“Mm, yeah?” Haechan hums, looking from the bag to you. He puts a finger to his lips in a shushing gesture and pops open the plastic container. He pulls out a small handful of Winter’s curly fries, about as much as he can fit between his thumb and forefinger, and grins at you, winking before popping one in his mouth.

He reaches his hand out, offering you one of his stolen goods, and you hesitate for a second before deciding to reach forward and take the proffered curly fry. As you chew it, your eyes roll back into your head in ecstasy, the fried good the perfect amount of salty, crunchy, and warm.

“Thank you,” you say gratefully, and he waves you off dismissively.

“You’re welcome,” he replies. “It’s our little secret, okay?”

“Jeez, I just met you tonight and you’re already trusting me with secrets?” you chuckle, and he shrugs.

“Well, should I not trust you?” he asks curiously, and you shake your head instantly in disagreement. 

“You can trust me, don’t worry.” you assure him, and he smiles widely, nodding slowly in understanding.

“Great.”

“The real question is if I can trust you,” you continue, and he chuckles.

“You can,” he says confidently, and you raise your eyebrows skeptically.

“How do I know I can trust that?” you ask, and he laughs, rolling his eyes slightly as he leans closer to you conspiratorially.

“That’s just a risk you’re gonna have to take.”

“No, thanks. I’m not big on risks.” you admit.

Haechan tilts his head to the side curiously. “You don’t take any risks?”

You pause to think about it, thoughts racing back to earlier when you made the mental pact with yourself to be more daring and take more risks. “Not really, no. Unless you count letting Yunjin drive.”

He snorts. “I’m talking big risks.”

You stare at him blankly. “Have you ever been in the car with Yunjin?”

Chuckling and shaking his head slightly, he says, “I have.”

“It’s pretty risky.”

“I’m talking about different risks, though. Think harder.” he presses. 

You sigh loudly but oblige, thinking about it again. “I guess studying abroad in Oxford felt pretty risky… I was essentially all alone on the other side of the world.”

He shakes his head. “Bigger,” he explains. “I’m talking about something that,” his gaze slowly falls to your lips and he continues, “could go really wrong.” 

It feels like he’s hinting at something, and you’re not sure you want to find out.

“Truthfully, I don’t get why I would take risks like those.” you say with a pensive frown, and he smiles, eyes still trained on your mouth with an unmistakable fascination as he steps closer to you, practically cornering you against the snack rack behind you, and if he hears your squeak of alarm, he chooses not to comment. 

“It’s about the reward,” he murmurs, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips slowly. “People take risks because they think that the reward is worth it in comparison to what could go wrong.”

“Well, I don’t think most risks I can think of off of the top of my head are worth it,” you say with a stumped pout.

“I can think of one I wanna take right now,” he hums softly, reaching up to rest one hand on the rack behind you, and you balk, finally starting to understand what he’s been hinting at.

“I, um, think that might be too risky.” you reply cautiously, and he chuckles quietly.

“I disagree,” he says plainly. “I think it’d be so worth it.” he breathes out, his gentle breath fanning over your lips, the minty scent tempting you more than you’d like to admit. 

“If you try and kiss me right now,” you say quietly, “I will bite your lip until it bleeds.”

He snickers and nods in understanding. “Understood.”

“Is that risk worth it now?” you ask wryly, and he bites back a laugh.

“I don’t know, let me find out.” he says, leaning in closer, and you yelp, pushing his chest reflexively and, when he barely budges, clapping a hand over your mouth and glaring at him as he laughs loudly. “Man, you’re cute.”

“Shut up,” you mutter contritely, moving your hand away when he relents and steps back. “Let’s not ask why I don’t feel comfortable taking risks and ask, instead, why you—” you poke his chest accusingly, “feel so comfortable being so reckless.”

He shrugs nonchalantly, explaining, “I don’t think it’s that I’m reckless—”

“Yeah, right.” you mutter.

He ignores you. “I think it’s that I want to know what it feels like to truly live.” he finishes, and you pause at that, genuinely taking in his words. “Life is too short to be scared to indulge, you know?”

“Well,” you say slowly, thoughtfully, “I guess that makes sense.”

His eyes widen slightly in surprise. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe I could stand to live a little more,” you ponder, noticing the way his eyes drift down to your lips once more and quickly adding, “but that doesn’t mean you can kiss me. I’ll still bite you.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asks softly, teasingly, and you nod. “What if I said I kinda like it a little rough?”

“I’d say you’re in the wrong relationship.” you blurt out before you can stop yourself, and Haechan’s eyes widen as he points at you with a bright, triumphant grin. “I’m joking! I’m joking.”

“I don’t think you are.” he replies smugly.

“Oh, brother.”

“You think I’m in the wrong relationship?” he presses, and you shake your head vehemently, desperately trying to cover your tracks.

“Only because Winter is not a ‘likes it a little rough’ kind of girl,” you explain quickly.

He nods in agreement. “This is true.” he admits, and you relax slightly, glad he gets your point. “So, who would be the right relationship for me, hm?” he teases, and you groan loudly, tipping your head back in exasperation. “Got any ideas?”

“Nope.” you answer flatly. 

He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, leaning closer. “You sure about that?”

“Miss, the rest of your order is ready!” One of the cooks calls out, and you pounce on the interruption eagerly.

“Thank you!” you call back to the cooks before turning to Haechan with a relieved smile. “You know what? We’d better go back before they put out a Missing Persons report for us.” you dodge his taunting question from earlier and carefully remove yourself from your very compromising position, walking towards the counter of the bodega to collect the bags of food. “Are you coming or what?” you huff, attempting to conceal how flustered his previous line of questioning has left you by placing a hand on your hip impatiently.

He shakes his head with a chuckle, but meets you by the door, slipping his fingers in the loops of the numerous bags weighing down your index and middle fingers to relieve you of the burden. He leans forward, opening the door for you and gesturing for you to exit first. “You’re lucky I don’t want to hear any of them complain about their food being cold, because I could do this—” he gestures between the two of you, “all night and then some.”

“That’s great, Casanova,” you drawl, pointing ahead of you down the street towards where you’re heading. “Now walk.”

As you two walk back from the bodega, you can’t help but notice that Haechan’s path keeps veering slightly off-course, the male repeatedly bumping into you as you two walk. 

“You good?” you ask finally after what must be the eighth mini-collision, and Haechan chuckles, albeit somewhat sheepishly as he brings a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “Is there a reason why you keep bumping into me? Are the bags throwing you off-balance or something?”

“Would you, uh, believe me if I said that I just like you and want to be close to you?” he answers, and you stop short, blinking at him impassively which causes him to stop walking as well.

“Bold words for someone with a whole girlfriend back at the party.” you reply with a dismissive snort, and he shrugs.

“I don’t know what it is,” he says as you two slowly fall back into a comfortable pace. “I think we’d be good together.”

“Haechan,” you warn. 

“You fascinate me,” he admits plainly, staring at your face openly. “I wanna get to know you better.”

“Mm, I don’t know about that,” you say apprehensively. 

“I’m gonna learn about you eventually, because I’m not going anywhere.” he replies confidently. “I’m gonna learn everything about you—your hopes, your dreams, your fears—” he leans closer so his breath hits your cheek and continues, “what makes you tick.”

“Well, you wanna know something?” you offer, and he nods instantly, leaning towards you in anticipation. “Something that makes me tick is when guys with girlfriends hit on me very blatantly.”

“Ah, I see,” Haechan remarks thoughtfully. “So I should be more subtle.”

“I—well—no, that’s not really what I meant.”

“Well, what did you mean?”

“Stop saying flirtatious things!” 

“So you want me to stop saying flirtatious things—”

”Yes, that’s quite literally what I just said—”

“—and start doing flirtatious things.”

Your mouth snaps shut and you stare at him incredulously. “Not even remotely what I meant.”

“No, I think that’s what you were hinting at.” 

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You’d better believe it, baby.”

“Calling me ‘baby’ when you have a whole girlfriend is crazy, by the way.”

“Maybe I’m crazy. Did you think about that?”

“Clearly. I’ll let Winter know her boyfriend is actually an escapee from the insane asylum and she’ll just dump you.”

“So you can have me all to yourself… I like it.” He grins, and you open and close your mouth repeatedly, at a loss for words.

“Where are you hearing these things? Haechan, do you often hear things other people don’t?” you ask with patronizing concern, and he bursts out laughing. “It’s not funny, actually! Maybe I will tell Winter after all.”

“She won’t do anything,” he replies through his laughter.

“You’re right.” you agree in disappointment. “Poor girl. She’d probably think she can fix you.”

“I know what could fix me,” he says, fixing you in place with a serious stare.

“Haechan, you’re kinda scaring me.”

“Relax, it’s nothing crazy.”

“You’re not exactly what I’d consider a good judge of what’s crazy or not.”

“I just want your number, God.”

“Oh!” you reply, relieved, and an equally relieved smile appears on his face. “You’re not getting that.”

“Aw, come on!” he whines, leaning on you dramatically. “How am I supposed to get to know you?”

“Through speaking to me in person?”

“So you wanna see me… in person…” he trails off with a suggestive lilt to his voice, wiggling his eyebrows, and you suck your teeth. “If you like me, you can just say that, you know. I won’t tell.”

“You really are crazy.” you marvel, and he grins over at you.

“Is that… intrigue I detect in your voice?” he teases, and you balk.

“No?” you reply a bit too quickly, and his eyes light up.

“You’re intrigued by me!”

“I just wanna know how and where Winter found your crazy ass!”

“So you can go there and get yourself another me?” he replies, and you groan, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Hate to break it to you, princess, but there’s only one of me.”

“Thank God for that.” you mutter under your breath. “So, do you have, like, a mute button or something?”

“I’ll shut up for the rest of the walk back if you give me your number.” he says with a mischievous smile, and you roll your eyes, Haechan’s ever-so-keen eyes noticing your hesitation. “You’re totally thinking about it.”

“I really want you to stop before you get one or both of us in trouble.”

“I will be as quiet as a street rat if you give me your number and don’t block me before I can text you.”

“Damn, how’d you know I was gonna do that?”

“I know the signs of someone playing hard to get.” he says proudly, and you snort.

“I’m not playing hard to get, Haechan. You’re playing hard to get rid of.”

“And I’m gonna play until I win. Now—your number, please.” He smiles dazzlingly at you, pulling out his phone from his back pocket and handing it to you.

You stare at his unlocked phone then at his twinkling, hopeful eyes before sighing in defeat and taking the phone from his hand to enter your number.

“Hell yeah!” Haechan cheers, and you shoot him a judgmental stare.

“Ground rules.” you say plainly, and he nods, instantly attentive. He is cute, you think reluctantly, especially like this as he hangs on your every word like a puppy. “No texting me suggestive photos.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Keep the texts harmless.” you warn him, and he nods in agreement.

“You got it.”

“And don’t call or FaceTime unless it’s an absolute emergency.” you finish, and he scrunches his face up in confusion.

“What if the emergency is that I want to see you or hear your voice?”

“Absolutely bonkers thing to say with a girlfriend, by the way.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I have Instagram… just look at my pictures or something, I don’t know.”

“What if I want to see you right then exactly how you are?”

“That’s too bad.”

“Fine,” he huffs, and you already know this is going to be a bad decision. “What exactly constitutes an emergency?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. If you were injured or in danger or something and no one else was picking up?”

“Okay…” he trails off skeptically.

“Even then, though, I think you should just call emergency services.”

“You’re brutal,” Haechan remarks in awe. “I like it.”

“Watch it!”

“Watching,” he replies smoothly, grinning in your direction, and you turn to face forward quickly, hoping he didn’t catch your smile. “I saw that.”

“You saw nothing.”

“You smiled. You like me—at least a little bit!”

“First you’re hearing things, and now you’re seeing things? Maybe we should get you checked out.”

“…We?” he points out with a sly smirk, and you roll your eyes as you trudge ahead and up to the apartment building, repeatedly (and with an air of impatience) buzzing the intercom to be let in.

“Thank God we’re back.”

“Since when was the museum so damn expensive?” Chenle mutters in awe as he forks over the thirty dollars for the admission fee.

“It’s the price of knowledge,” Yunjin sighs with a shrug as she takes Chenle’s place at the ticket till and hands the attendant three $10 bills.

“Psst,” Haechan whispers to get your attention, and you turn your head slightly to see he’s leaning towards you. “This is enough to radicalize me,” Haechan huffs bitterly before releasing Winter’s hand and stepping forward to pay. You notice with a curious tilt of your head that he’s taken longer than the rest of your friends so far, despite using Apple Pay, but you don’t think much of it until he’s walked away with Winter and it’s your turn at the register, where the attendant hands you a ticket with a smile.

“Oh, I didn’t pay yet—”

“The gentleman before you paid for your ticket,” she explains with a small nod, and you pause, mentally buffering before smiling at the attendant, taking the ticket, and walking to join your group.

When you meet up with them, Haechan already has his eyes trained in your direction, his left eyelid dropping down into a secretive wink before he grins at you. 

“You’re too much,” you mouth at him, walking up beside him to nudge him with your shoulder surreptitiously. He lets out a small chuckle and shrugs as casually as he can before he tickles the palm of your hand with his fingers in a gesture that has you wondering if he plans to hold both your hand and his girlfriend’s. Before the thought can gain much traction, however, the tour guide for your group appears and introduces herself as she passes out museum maps to everyone in your party.

After introducing herself, she takes you through a corridor to the Egyptian art section, walking you by a preserved tomb and detailing funeral processions and Egyptian customs. The guide herself is very engaging and the artwork is fascinating, but you actually came on a mission to see certain wings of the museum. As she walks you through the Egyptian art wing, you consult your map, trying to see if there’s a point coming up where you can casually separate from the group. 

Initially, you were following after the tour guide, but now you’re admittedly starting to fall towards the back of the group due to your lack of interest in this particular time period, when the exhibit at the end of the hallway you just passed catches your eye. 

You look around you to see if anyone in your tour group is around, observing that the coast is clear before you attempt to break off from your group and do your own thing.

“And where are you sneaking off to?” Haechan’s voice appears out of seemingly nowhere, making you gasp as you whip your head around to look at him.

“Why?” you ask, furrowing your brows. “Are you gonna snitch on me for leaving?”

“I’m not snitching,” he promises you, and you relax slightly before he continues with, “I’m coming.”

You stop short and look at him like he’s grown a second head. “You seem to be mistaken.” 

“Definitely not that,” Haechan assures you, and you roll your eyes before quickly turning to leave. He catches up with you easily, making you huff quietly in frustration, and continues to attempt to persuade you, saying, “You need someone with you in case you get lost.”

“Haechan, if I’m with someone and I’m lost, then I’m pretty sure they’re as good as lost too.” you explain slowly, and Haechan pauses to think, leaving you the open opportunity to slip away from him yet again.

He manages to find you yet again, grinning triumphantly when he does, and argues, “I think you should travel with someone—like me—who has a map.”

“Haechan, I am quite literally holding the map they just gave me.” you remind him, and he seems to buffer in real-time, lips parting to form a shocked little “O” shape that is, for all its silliness, stupidly attractive on him.

You’ll give it to him; he’s definitely not lacking in the looks department. 

“Well—haven’t you ever heard of the buddy system? There’s safety in numbers, y’know.” Haechan catches up with you once more as you speed walk down a mostly empty hallway. 

“Oh, my God, fine.” you whisper-yell exasperatedly. “Fine, you can come with me.”

He perks up immediately, smiling brightly and you can see his body relax as you gradually slow your pace into a comfortable stroll so he can fall into stride with you.

“Great,” he says happily. “Where are we going first?”

“Well, I really want to see the Greek sculptures…” you half-say, half-suggest hopefully.

“Okay, sounds great; let’s go!”

“Haechan.” 

“Mhm?”

“Can you walk faster, please? I’m not trying to lose a whole person in the Met.” you complain, stopping in your tracks and turning around to let Haechan catch up to you. The section you’re passing through is packed, the room filled with the din of various animated conversations all overlapping one another.

“Sorry, I’m just taking in all the art in front of me,” he replies, and your expression softens as you remember that this is, in fact, a museum exhibit you’re standing in and not merely a hallway to where you want to go.

“Yeah, the paintings are beautiful,” you agree, and he looks over at you with a confused look.

“Oh—yeah, the paintings are cool, too.” he answers unconvincingly, and you stare at him expressionlessly.

“What were you looking at if not the paintings?” you ask, confused, and he looks you up and down pointedly as if to answer your question. “You’re ridiculous,” you groan, turning to walk away.

“Oh, come on, you can’t blame me! You in that outfit is a goddamn masterpiece.” he defends himself, and you just sigh loudly as you keep walking. 

“Keep up!” you quip, and he catches up to you, leaning down slightly so his lips are by your ear.

“Don’t even get me started on this cute little skirt you’ve got on,” he murmurs suggestively, and an involuntary shudder travels down your spine from the ticklish sensation of his breath on the hair on the back of your neck. “Kinda driving me crazy,” he half-mumbles, half-chuckles.

“It can’t be that hard to drive you crazy,” you point out. “You already live on the corner of Bonkers Boulevard and Delulu Drive.”

“Wow, and you call me a menace?” he snorts in amusement, reaching over to pinch your side in retaliation and laughing when you dance away with a giggle. “Come back, I thought we had to stick together,” he complains.

You roll your eyes but stop just ahead of him, hands placed on your hips as you wait for him to catch up. 

“That’s better,” he finally says when he’s beside you once more. “You know, maybe we should hold hands.” he suggests, smiling wider and nodding vigorously in an attempt to convince you when you look over at him with a “no” already on the tip of your tongue.

“And why would we do that?” you ask, tilting your head to the side in a patronizing act of confusion.

“It’s crowded. What if someone walks between us and you turn to enter an exhibit but I don’t see where you went?” He frowns petulantly, and you scoff dismissively. 

“You can hold my purse,” you offer, holding it out to him.

“How is that gonna help me stay close to you?” he asks with a frown, and you shoot him a look.

“It’ll help me stay close to you,” you clarify. “All my stuff is in there, so I’m not going anywhere that bag’s not going.”

“Hm. I’d rather hold your hand but I guess this will do.” he sighs dramatically, and you snicker.

“Keep wishing.” you reply casually.

“Oh, I will. Got any loose eyelashes I can wish on and blow away?” 

“No.”

“Lucky pennies?”

“I don’t have change. Does the universe take Apple Pay?” you reply in a bored tone, and he snorts loudly in amusement.

“Man, gorgeous and funny,” he sighs contentedly, and it’s your turn to exhale in amusement. “Fine. I’ll wait until 11:11 to make the wish.”

“You know that because you told me what you’re gonna wish for, it’s not gonna come true now, right?” you remind him with a teasing smile, and his eyes widen comically.

“I’ll wish for something different.” he relents, and you can’t help but frown slightly at the crestfallen look on his face. You look around to see if anyone you know is nearby and, seeing no one, let out a defeated yet amused sigh before reaching out and linking your fingers with his. “I knew you liked me,” he remarks with an air of smug satisfaction, and you scowl at him before ripping your fingers from his. 

“...And you’re done.”

“Nope, too late,” he replies with a wide grin as he links his fingers with yours again, either oblivious to the fight you’re putting up or simply unfazed. “We’re locked in now.” he teases, and you raise your brows in a silent challenge. 

“Oh, yeah? Should I call you something cutesy like—oh,” you say, stopping mid-sentence and turning to look at him with a slowly growing mischievous smile. “What was that name Winter called you on the way here?”

“Oh, please don’t.” 

“Was it Snookums?” you think aloud, and he groans, tossing his head back dramatically.

“Please?”

“Cuddlebug?”

“No—”

“Oh!” you exclaim, snapping your fingers and pointing at him. “Pookie Bear.” you say triumphantly, and the grimace on his face is beyond rewarding.

“You don’t have to call me that,” Haechan says hurriedly. “In fact, I’d rather you not—”

“But I love calling you Pookie Bear, Pookie Bear.” you coo affectionately, putting extra emphasis on the embarrassing pet name to leave it dripping with saccharine sweetness.

“You know what’s kind of crazy?” he asks, and you shake your head.

“Besides you? No.”

“Ha, ha.” he drawls. “What’s crazy is that it’s kinda hot the way you say it.” he points out, and you whine loudly in protest. 

“I can’t have anything, man! I get to torment you back for less than two minutes, and your freaky little self likes it?” you gripe under your breath as you pull him towards the large sign indicating the doorway to the beginning of the Greek sculptures exhibit. “We’re here!” you announce happily.

“Anything I should know before we enter this section?” he asks curiously, and you think for a moment before nodding.

“Most, if not all, of these statues have micropenises.” you warn him, and roll your eyes instantly at the immediate amusement on his face. “Keep the dick jokes to a minimum.”

“You got it, princess.” he agrees, nodding cooperatively, and you whirl around to look at him.

“Princess?!”

“You call me Pookie Bear, I call you princess.” he says with a nonchalant shrug, and you narrow your eyes at him in a silent staredown. “It’ll grow on you,” he says confidently as he starts walking into the exhibit.

And as you’re tugged along after him, protesting all the while that “it most certainly will not,” you can’t help but feel like it already has—that is, if the sensation you’re feeling of a lone butterfly fluttering around your stomach has anything to do with it.

“Haechan,” you whisper urgently, shaking your linked hands to get his attention.

He looks over at you curiously, eyebrows raised expectantly, and you point towards a sign in the corridor. “What is it?” he asks. “The café?”

You nod. “I’m hungry.” 

“Honestly, I could eat,” he agrees, and you beam up at him, tugging him towards the entrance to the café.

The café is lovely, with a fairly large selection of ready-to-eat foods, and you and Haechan walk around the tables of food before you spot one in the distance and slip your hand out of his to go check it out. 

No less than a moment after you’ve let go of Haechan, he practically snatches your hand back up, stubbornly linking his fingers with yours once more.

When you shoot him a look, he just stares at you with a challenge in his eyes, daring you to let go again.

“You’re something else.” you laugh, and he shrugs.

“Give a guy a warning next time,” he replies. “I wasn’t ready to let go.”

“Warning: I’m about to let go,” you say patronizingly, and he just shakes his head. “Wh—no? What do you mean, no?”

”No, you’re not.” he says simply.

“I literally am,” you let out a laugh of disbelief before attempting to tug your fingers from his again. “Haechan, quit being a brat!”

“It’s in my DNA,” he replies with a dismissive shrug. “I like holding hands.”

“Hold your own hand, then.” you snicker, and he shakes his head decisively. 

“Like holding your hand better.” he coos fondly, and you roll your eyes. “Just take me with you to check out the food, princess.”

“I’m ignoring that,” you huff, but lead him to the sushi rolls you were staring at nonetheless. “Happy now?”

“Thrilled,” he confirms as he smiles over at you, and you bite down on your lip to hide the smile that threatens to greet him. “What are you gonna get?”

“Nothing crazy,” you muse, picking up a tray and inspecting the rolls inside. “Maybe just this and a drink.”

“Which one’s that?” Haechan asks curiously, peering over your shoulder. 

“California roll,” you answer with a smile before reaching into the refrigerated drink section and grabbing an organic peach soda.

Haechan follows your lead, picking up a sushi roll container and snagging a Dr. Pepper from the drink area before you two make your way to the cashier to pay.

The cashier greets you both with a friendly smile and rings you up first. When you’re about to pay, Haechan grips the back of your cardigan and firmly but gently pulls you away from the counter before tapping his phone to the payment screen.

“You didn’t need to do that,” you huff with a frown, and he just smiles as the receipt comes out.

“I’m a gentleman,” he replies simply as the cashier rings him up, and you snort in amusement.

“Is that what they’re calling it these days?” you ask dryly, and he narrows his eyes at you. When it’s his turn to pay, you inch closer to the payment screen in the hopes to return the favor, but Haechan is one step ahead of you, plucking your phone from your hand with ease and pocketing it before tapping his phone to the screen again.

“Yeah, it is,” he replies with a cheery grin, smugness laced in his voice. “Come on, let’s eat.”

You two thank the cashier before heading towards the back of the café, where you sit at the corner table, Haechan sliding in beside you.

“You couldn’t sit over there?” you ask flatly, gesturing to the empty spot in front of you, and he shakes his head with a teasing smile. “Of course not.” you sigh in defeat, instead opening your California roll tray and breaking the wooden chopsticks to start eating. “What’d you get?”

Haechan pauses to look at the label on his container before opening it. “Seaside salmon roll,” he replies, snapping his chopsticks neatly into two before picking up a piece of sushi from the carefully composed roll.

“Ooh, yum,” you say before placing a piece of your own roll into your mouth and chewing, your eyes sliding shut in bliss. “God, that’s good.”

“This sushi tastes like heaven,” Haechan groans happily, and you giggle, your mood lifting with some good food entering your system. 

“Hey,” you say as you pick up your next piece, “I just realized; what if they want to get food after this?” you ask, and he shrugs.

“Either we’re not hungry, or we get something small.” he suggests, and you nod in agreement before eating the next piece of sushi.

“Are you gonna be sneaky and pay for that, too?” you ask, unamused, and he nods proudly. “I can pay for my own food, you know; my librarian job makes decent pay.”

“Yeah, well, I can pay, too. My job definitely pays decently.” Haechan replies stubbornly.

“Oh, yeah? And what do you do?” you question.

“I’m a wine sommelier for a high-end restaurant downtown.” he answers proudly, and you purse your lips in quiet defeat.

“That actually does sound like a decent-paying job.” you admit, and he nods confidently. “Well, hey, did you know they sell wine here?” 

“Oh, yeah?” he asks, looking around for the wine menu and relaxing once you point it out to him. 

“Yep. So tell me, Mr. Sommelier, which wine would go best with my California roll?” you quiz him, and his lips quirk up into a smile.

“What’s the taste like?” he asks, and you pick up a piece and put it on his tray, signaling for him to try it. “Without tasting it, I’d say a nice… light, fruity wine would be good for this.” he suggests before placing the piece of sushi in his mouth. As he chews, his smile widens and he nods in confirmation, adding, “I’d definitely say a nice Pinot Grigio would go great with this. The sweet and light notes of the Pinot Grigio would go really well with the flavors here.”

You’re not going to lie to yourself; it’s a little attractive to see him talk about something he knows so much about. 

“Yeah?” you hum. “What about yours?”

“Oh, Pinot Noir, for sure. It’s sharp enough to match the heaviness of the salmon, but not too sweet where it takes away from the overall flavor.”

You nod, taking in the information and secretly composing yourself as your insides squeal girlishly at his confident explanation.

“That’s pretty cool, Haechan,” you remark, impressed, and he smiles in satisfaction.

“Isn’t it? You know, we should go on a wine tasting date some time.” he suggests, and you shoot him a suspicious side glance.

“A wine tasting what?” you press.

“Did I say date?” Haechan asks with a chuckle, and you nod slowly, still regarding him carefully. “I meant outing. A wine tasting outing.”

“Nice save,” you snort, and he huffs petulantly.

“It’s not my fault,” he defends himself. ‘I was distracted.”

You raise an eyebrow skeptically. “Distracted?” you ask, and he nods firmly.

“Yeah, your little skirt is messing with my head.” Haechan grunts, and you look down at your lap with a bewildered questioning noise.

To be fair, it is a cute skirt; your beige and black plaid pleated skirt was carefully selected from your closet earlier and clearly must have been a flattering choice, given that Haechan literally can’t keep his eyes off of you.

“Then look up and not at my legs, silly.”

“But if I look up, I see—” he starts to complain but stops as he does just that, looking up from his—well, your—lap and trailing off slowly as he gazes at you.

You’re pretty sure you don’t need to hear what he was going to say, because his face reads loud and clear; there’s desire swimming clearly in his gaze and his lips are parted ever so slightly as he spaces out staring back and forth from your lips to your eyes.

“If you look up, you see… my face?” you supply in an attempt to help him regain his sensibility, and his lips part more as he struggles to find the right words. “I mean, yeah, and my shirt? Well, it’s a white tank—like, yeah, it’s a little short, but—and this is just a beige cardigan, so it’s not as distracting if you look up instead—”

“If I look up,” Haechan says carefully, “I see you.”

For a moment, you’re rendered speechless as the implications of his words sink in.

Looking at him again, you realize there’s an awe in his eyes as he watches you, an adoration almost, and the context of him seeing you sets in. His eyes rove over your face with an almost greed, darting around rapidly as he frantically takes in every detail he can manage to commit to memory. 

He’s not looking at you like he’s undressing you, like he’s groping you with a glance; he’s looking at you like you’re one of the seven wonders of the world—like he can’t quite contemplate everything he’s seeing, but he’s damn sure going to try. His gaze caresses you like you’re an antique artifact at the museum that could break if you so much as stare at it too hard.

Observing the way he looks at you is the closest you’ve come yet to understanding how and why the eyes have been referred to as the windows to the soul. His gaze is so open, so vulnerable and wondrous that you have to ponder, for a moment, if this is what it looks like to fall in love.

You push the thought from your head as soon as it emerges, not willing to give it any space in your mind, but you can’t shake the way his gaze completely unravels you. 

He watches you like he can see every complexity of your personality in your pores; like he can see your unspoken words reflected in the gloss on your lips—like your eyes hold the manuscript of your hopes and dreams and he’s about to pore over it, memorizing it down to the letter.

He looks at you like he’s dangerously close to seeing you; you, past your barriers and caution tape; you, with all your intricacies and contradictions; and you, with all the hope and yearning and vulnerability you’ve had since your youth that you’ve been trying to convince everyone is no longer around. 

You’re utterly overwhelmed with all the thoughts swimming in your brain at the moment, and one thought swims up to the forefront, displaying itself loud and clear and unignorable. 

He looks at you like he’s falling in love.

“Haechan, please stop looking at me like that,” you beg in a whisper, scared to speak any louder in case your voice trembles. Something about the intensity of his gaze is beautiful and terrifying all at once, and you’re not ready for him to see you unraveled like this.

Haechan must be able to sense the panic in your voice, your underlying fear of being truly seen and known undoubtedly ringing out in the silence between you two, because he smiles reassuringly and relents, softening the intensity of his gaze until he’s displaying nothing more than mild curiosity and fascination.

“Thanks.” you mutter shyly, averting your gaze to inspect your cuticles in a feeble attempt to act natural.

“No problem. Can I say something, though?” he asks, and you nod, internally bracing yourself. “Have you heard of twin flames?”

“Yeah, isn’t that like soulmates, kinda?” you reply.

something about him was made for somebody like me baby, come over, come over and god knows i’m trying, but there’s just no use in denying

“Kinda,” he says slowly. “Some people call them ‘mirror souls,’” he explains. “Essentially, they’re two people with an intense soul connection that makes them complete when they’re together.”

You pout thoughtfully. “Like two halves of a whole?”

“Something like that, yeah,” he agrees. “The term ‘mirror souls’ is a bit more fitting, because they complement each other; they’re opposites in crucial ways, but in ways that could either ruin things or make them work really well together.”

”Okay,” you say carefully. “Well, thanks for the mini lesson. Why’d you bring that up?”

“I feel drawn to you.” he explains in a rush, almost like he’s been waiting for the opportunity to say it. “Like, I can’t explain it, but when I first met you, I felt—I don’t know—something.”

“I’d wager that the something you felt was just the blood rushing down to your d—” you remark dryly, but he cuts you off, shaking his head. 

“It wasn’t.” he insists. “I felt a connection. And you felt it too—remember?”

“No,” you lie. You remember all too well, actually. 

“You flirted with me.” he reminds you with a triumphant grin, and you frown. 

“That was before I found out you were dating my friend!”

“So the connection magically went away? Hm? The initial attraction you had to me just vanished into thin air?” he presses.

“I locked it in a closet.” you admit. “It can’t come out.”

“Well, unlock it.”

“I have swallowed the key.” you reply stubbornly.

“Well, I’m picking the lock.” he counters, and you gape at him indignantly.

“You can’t do that!”

“And why not?”

“You have a girlfriend.” you remind him, and he has the audacity to scoff and roll his eyes, making you gasp in horror. “Ooh, I’m telling.”

“Who cares about that?” he asks, waving a hand dismissively.

“Um, gee, I would wager that your girlfriend does.” you reply sarcastically. “And you should care, too.”

“All that yapping—”

“I know this boy did not just say I’m yapping—”

“—and you still didn’t say that you care.” he finishes, and you stop short, blinking at him in surprise. “Gotcha.”

“Oh, shut up,” you groan. “I’m not your girlfriend, you know—I don’t have to put up with this.”

“Do you want to be her?” he asks, and you freeze, staring at him incredulously.

“No? I barely know you, and from what I do know, you like stepping out on your girlfriend.”

“False. I don’t like to step out on my girlfriend,” he corrects you, and you roll your eyes. “I just like you.”

“Stop saying that.” you warn.

“I mean it.” he says simply.

“You’re gonna get us in trouble if you keep talking like that.” you reply nervously.

“The risk is so worth it though, don’t you think?” he murmurs conspiratorially, and you stare at him blankly.

”No.” you reply flatly, entirely unamused.

Haechan pouts—somehow handsomely—and nudges you with his shoulder, saying, “Come on… try living a little.” 

“No.”

”You know you want to.” he coaxes, and you grumble unintelligibly under your breath.

”What I want is for you to drop the subject,” you say, batting your lashes at him for the effect. “Pretty please?”

His gaze darkens slightly. “Beg again.”

“I didn’t beg!” you splutter, both indignant and flustered by the shift in the air. “I requested politely.” 

“Well, request politely again. You’re really cute when you do that, you know.”

”And on that note, this conversation is over. Now,” you say slowly, patting your lap and nudging him with your shoulder. “I think we should probably get back. Y’know… before they notice we went missing.”

“I guess you’re right,” Haechan agrees with a reluctant sigh, gathering your and his food containers and standing up. “Lead the way, princess.”

“Don’t call me that,” you whisper loudly, and he grins cheekily as you two make your way to exit the museum café.

“Stop liking it and I’ll stop doing it.” He retorts, stopping in front of you suddenly so you bump into him. 

“Haechan!” you can’t help but laugh at his refreshingly playful nature, and he looks over at you with a twinkle in his eyes. “Has anyone ever told you you’re kind of a brat?”

“Yes, actually.” he replies thoughtfully. “But it takes one to know one.”

You stop short and he turns back to look at you curiously. “Are you calling me a brat?”

“Yes,” he replies easily with a smile. “Yes, I am.” And before you can retaliate, he’s speed walking towards the garbage to throw out your waste, stopping just in front of the exit to wait for you. When you get closer, still staring at him with narrowed eyes, he shoots you a dazzling smile and opens the door, holding it for you.

”Ladies first.”

“Oh, now you’re a gentleman.”

“What do you mean, ‘now?’” Haechan replies, shocked. “I let you sit first, I held the door for you, I threw out your garbage for you and paid—”

“Which you definitely shouldn’t have done, by the way.” you interject, and he stares blankly at you. “Don’t get me wrong, my wallet and I appreciate you greatly, but I was more than capable of paying for myself.”

“It’s okay,” he muses lightheartedly, shrugging. “You can just make it up to me sometime.”

You pause, staring at him suspiciously. “And how would I do that?”

“I’ll come up with something,” he replies with a small secretive smile. 

“I don’t like the sound of that.” you say slowly, and he laughs, throwing his arm around your shoulders goodnaturedly. 

“It won’t be anything drastic,” he assures you. “Just something like… a kiss.”

“A kiss?” you splutter, and he grins, nodding. “You’d better be joking.”

He turns his head towards you, tightening his grip around your neck not enough to be overbearing but just enough to prevent you from turning your face away. “And what if I’m not?” His voice softens as he continues, “Hm?”

A long silence passes between you two—far longer than socially acceptable—during which Haechan stares pointedly at your mouth and you attempt to avoid doing the same. After what feels like ages, you break the tension-laden quiet by clearing your throat and walking forward and out of his embrace.

“You’re dangerous, you know that?” you say over your shoulder, and Haechan chuckles as he catches up to you.

“I do.” he replies simply, and you snort. He leans over, bringing his lips to your ear, and murmurs, “And I think you like it.”

TA DA!!!!! i hope you enjoyed your read! the second part will be up in exactly two weeks! reminder that (only if you’re able) tips are very much appreciated, as is positive feedback! if you’d like to be added to the taglist, just shoot me an ask and please make sure your privacy settings are updated accordingly!

ORRRRRR you could sub to my patreon, where the whole fic is already posted in full!! (

LINKS: KO-FI // VENMO // CASHAPP // AMAZON WISHLIST // (if you’d like to support via paypal, let me know off anon!!)

[joewavz]

Khalid Type Beat "Live Life" | Prod. Joe Wavz

[beomie3]

drive - choi yeonjun

pairing: best friend! yeonjun x reader

summary: life at home isn't the easiest, so one night you sneak out with your best friend yeonjun and he takes you on a late night drive.

content: best friends to lovers, late night drive & ocean vibe, fluff, some angst, mild cursing, tender embraces, sweetheart yeonjun <3

wc: 2.6k

♬ soundtrack:

otw - khalid

drive all night - joan

made in hollywood - lany

drive - glades

racetrack - carwash

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

your eyes: puffy, swollen, and red. cheeks tight from layers of dried tears as you stare up at the glow-in-the-dark star-speckled ceiling of your bedroom.

you hear your parents yell at one another from your bed and a small stream of fresh tears pave their way along the dried ones of your cheeks, turning up the volume of your music to drown out the racket.

it's 11 pm and it's all pouring out of you now. tears, stifled cries. you lay alone; the only being to comfort you is your dog, who tries to get up from her place on the floor when she hears your heavy breathing and sniffles you so direly try to keep down.

you feel that you can't get any of these emotions out to your parents because they'll make a big deal out of it — make you feel that feelings like yours don't and shouldn't exist within you. as if they are ones to talk.

each night you listen to them bicker and argue; feelings of despair only welling up inside you over the years.

trapped within your own home and emotions, having to deal with all of them on your own; having no real outlet except for your tear-stained pillow, some tissues, and your own voice in your head conversing with itself, practically screaming it wants you to get out of the house. get away from it all.

you feel like your life is complete shit, wallowing away in the nagging pit of loneliness caused by never opening up to anyone.

well, maybe not anyone.

and just like you summoned him, your phone dings. you found yourself with a sliver of hope that it might be someone instead of just another dumb instagram notification.

the name yeonjun🦊 on your phone screen brings that sliver of hope to your night. texting or talking to your best friend would surely distract you from the shit show happening in the room over.

🦊: attatchment: 1 video

you clicked the message open, finding a video of your dark-blue-haired boy dancing to his current favorite song as it had come on the radio as he was at a red light; a smile immediately spreading across your face like a wildfire.

you watched him lip-sync the words to otw by khalid perfectly, nodding his head energetically along with the beat. some part of you wished you were there. right there next to him singing along.

you: wish i was there xx

you lay back on your bed, phone face down on your chest as you sighed. contemplating whether or not you should dump all of these pent up emotions onto yeonjun, like you sometimes did because you knew he was always there to listen. he was the only one that you trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets and emotions, anyway.

a small smile crept onto your face at the memory of him in the video; he always helped cheer you up. your phone vibrated on your chest so you picked it up again.

🦊: attatchment: 1 photo

a photo of... your house??? you nearly tripped over a pile of laundry as you jumped out of your bed at lightning speed, peeking out of your blinds to find yeonjun's black mercedes parked right outside. you profusely typed on your phone screen, smile burning on your cheeks, heart racing.

you: yeonjun my parents will kill me!!

🦊: they don't have to know...

and with that, you muffled a laugh with the back of your hand. you literally would do anything to get out of your house right now. it was like he could read your mind. thank you, junie. you mentally thanked him as you quickly tied your shoes, pulling a sweatshirt on and locking your door.

you giggled, realizing that the prior video of him lip-syncing the lyrics i’ll be on the way was meant to be taken literally.

you quietly pushed open your window, gingerly sliding your body out of the little space that it allowed. once you landed on your feet and tip-toed over to the black car where he awaited, a burst of adrenaline kicked in.

you finally felt free.

~

the fresh scent of his car, his glistening smile in the passing street lamps, the comfort of his presence next to you alongside the leather seat you nestled in; you couldn't wipe the smile off your face even if you tried.

"you seriously rescued me, jun," you hugged his arm as a greeting, quickly securing your seatbelt before he drove off into the quiet neighborhood.

"yeah? how's everything going tonight?" he flicked his eyes over to you, half a smile on his lips. yeonjun knew all about your situation at home with your parents; he's known you since your family was once happy and that was years ago.

"i think i heard plates shatter again," you sighed, rolling the window down to trail your fingers through the wind.

"jesus, y/n. i'm so sorry," you felt his eyes upon you as you watched distant neighborhoods out the window grow smaller. although your home life did indeed suck, right now, it all melted away. it felt good to escape from it all.

you looked over at a worried-looking yeonjun, giving his leg a gentle pat. "i'll be okay," you smiled, and he looked back at you briefly; eyes holding yours gently.

through all the years, he couldn't fathom how you handled all of this and still kept that bright smile on your face. how you even mustered up the courage to say it'll all be okay. he slightly smiled, nodding at your reassurance. he promised himself to be here for you. always.

"enough about me, where we headed?" you leaned back in your seat, legs propped up, getting comfortable in the cool leather. it's like the seat had molded to your body with how much you sat in it.

"that's for me to know and for you to find out," he grinned, keeping focus on the road, slightly wincing when you lightly punched him on the arm. his laughter filled the car like music to your ears.

"fine. but we need some music," you cranked up the car volume, rocking your head with the beat, hand out the window to feel the soft air against your skin. drive all night by joan seemed to fit the scene perfectly as it reverberated through the car.

"now this is what i'm talking about." you began to feel your body melt into the seat as your shoulders relaxed, your breathing slow and rhythmic. you already felt happier, calmer; how you always felt with yeonjun.

he turned the volume up a bit more when another of your favorite songs came on -- knowing you'd always blast this song in your earbuds. he drove you through the dark city with the windows down, music blasting as you sing along with it and absolutely jam.

you couldn't help but glance over at him as he drove and sang to the song with his entire soul. driving with one hand, dark blue hair parting over his eyes mysteriously as his beautiful smile beamed like the moon high in the sky.

"i think a late night drive calls for..."

"icecreammm!" you completed his sentence and he could almost feel your smile radiating from next to him. he knew ice cream would cheer you up because it always did.

and so he drove you, fuzzy socks up on the dash as you leaned back in the seat, occasionally looking over at yeonjun as he eyed you when your favorite song blasted through the speakers, both singing it so loudly.

something about him; the way he sits so confidently and focuses on the road, effortlessly and also multitasking; driving with one hand while holding an imaginary microphone in the other and singing so beautifully into it.

you felt a weird sensation in your chest, something you hadn't felt in such a long time; a sparkle that spread into your stomach and made your cheeks grow warm. butterflies.

~

yeonjun had driven you to the beach, the most popular beach in the city known for its ice cream shop that stayed open extra late. it was one of your favorite places.

the ocean at night was rather eerie you admitted, but something about it; pitch black and mysterious, only making itself known through the sound of water folding and crashing together. it made your heart race. similar to the giddy boy next to you.

"so you'll eat half of my ice cream but won't let me taste yours??" yeonjun laughed, eyes nearly closed from smiling, pearly white teeth on full display. you swear your cheeks hurt with how much you smiled, almost as if he was healing something within you that hadn't seen light in years.

the light of his smile. it cured you.

you turned your back to him in a faux pout, waiting for him to wrestle his ice cream cone out of your hand. and boy did he ever, wrapping his arms around you from behind so that the warmth of his skin through the thin fabric of his button up engulfed you, nearly picking you up off the ground.

you freed yourself from his grasp and began running, both barefoot through the sand, shoes and socks long abandoned by the dock.

the sea spray was chilly at this hour, subtly misting your skin after each crash at the shore, cold water barely skimming your feet.

"yaaaaa!" he yelled after you, his pretty laugh ringing through the air as he ran as fast as he could behind you, arms out and yearning to grasp at your shirt.

at last he grabbed a hold of you, causing the two of you to topple to the soft sand, sending his ice cream cone flying out of your grasp and it was too late to be saved. but right now, it was the least of your worries when yeonjun landed right on top of you, tension suddenly rising as his nose was only inches from yours.

it felt like an eternity passed as he just hovered over you, eyes flicking to each of your eyes. your breath hitched in your throat, pupils dilated and not daring to look any place other than the depths of his brown eyes.

it wasn't until his eyes flicked down to your lips that you felt the butterflies in your stomach multiply by a thousand, face growing hot at the sheer tension.

you couldn't help but travel your gaze down to admire his plush lips, knowing that this wasn't the first time you looked at them and wondered what they would feel like on yours.

his finger gently tucked away a strand of stray hair from of your face, thumb sweeping over the plush of your bottom lip and you knew what you wanted in this moment. what you've wanted since you stepped foot into his car and realized there wasn't anyone who understood you like this beautiful boy.

lifting your head from the sand, you crashed your lips to his and nearly had mistaken them for a velvet pillow, the way they immediately engulfed yours without surprise like his lips were made for yours and yours only.

he subtly pulled away, gazing into your eyes with a certain tenderness, not one hint of uncertainty in his eyes. you smiled and the corners of his mouth tugged upward, the prettiest smile you’d seen making itself present.

the sound of waves crashing beside you, moonlight illuminating the beautiful man above you, his warmth pressed to your chest and engulfing you entirely.

he lowered himself fully onto you, a hand in your hair as he pressed his lips to yours again, the kisses pure and passionate, exploring one another’s hair and face with gentle touches.

in this moment, you realized you didn't want to kiss anyone ever again. just him, eternally.

~

"junie, see that star?" you both lay on the soft sand, tousling yeonjun's silky hair as he lay his head on your stomach, both looking up at the speckled night sky.

after hours of deep talks, a few kisses and long embraces in between, this moment felt surreal; like you and him were always meant to share more than just a friendly relationship. this just felt so right.

that said, you were also clueless as to what time it even was. it could be 1am or it could be 4am. right now, it was the least of your worries.

"which one? there's so many..." he squinted his eyes in search of this mystery star you so wanted him to see. you couldn't help but laugh, realizing he probably isn't looking at the same star as you, lightly ruffling his hair at his cuteness.

"i wish i could just live with you," you sighed, absolutely hating the thought of having to go back home in several hours so that your parents wouldn't discover you missing.

he looks up at you, a subtle pout on his lips. he didn't want to leave you just as much, knowing that his heart will break a little when you get out of his car and trudge back into your room just to face the depressing reality of your home life.

the time you spent together was always an escape, a safe place, a time you got to truly unwind and be yourselves. he looked over at you, knowing that one day he'll make the time you spend in this safe place together permanent.

"one day." he reaches up to grab your hand that rested atop his head, interlacing your fingers with his. the sound of that, you and your best friend one day getting to live under the same roof; it gave you the hope that you needed to get through each day leading up to it.

finally checking his phone at 4am and deciding he wanted to take you one last place before driving you back home, the two of you were on the road again.

he took the long route, passing by large mountains and cliffs that overlooked the ocean, watching the orange glow bleed into the sky as the sun was beginning to rise.

yeonjun pulled over at the top of the highest cliff by the ocean, taking your hand and pulling you so that your feet were nearly at it's edge.

looking over the edge took your breath away; this altitude, knowing that if you took another step you'd be dead. but knowing that if you stayed right where you are, you'd stay in the warm embrace of your comfort boy.

the wind blew gently across the ocean, creating subtle ripples and waves, the rising sun reflecting off of the water like a mirror. you both just stood there in awe of the sea, listening to its lull from where you stood and melting into his tender embrace of you from behind.

"this beautiful view. this is what it feels like to be with you," yeonjun's voice rung out softly behind your ear, just loud enough for you to hear. you felt his eyes on you even though you couldn't see him, both smiling as the wind blew your hair softly.

slightly turning your head to look at him over your shoulder, your eyes met his, lost in their dark brown depths. you pulled him in, kissing his lips like it was the last.

in this moment, you felt what it meant to be alive.

─── ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ ───

a/n: as always i appreciate you so much for reading :)) and thank you, with my ENTIRE heart, for 400 followers!!!! u all literally mean so much to me 🫶

[liyawritesss]

Hi! Hope you having a great day, do you still taking Arcane request. If so can you do a Ekko x GN reader where the two of them having really bad fight then the reader said they should take a break of this relationship and left the Firelight place. Didn't come back for a while. Both of them regret that decision but they too stubborn to said it.

It's been a week since that fight, the reader was a mechanic. They trying to fix something for a friend but ran out of things to fix, so the reader go out to find some supply. At that time the firelight was out fighting Silco's people, At first the reader choose to ignored but notice Ekko got injured from one of the guys that when the reader run out to help Ekko and the firelight beating those bad guys.

After a while helping Ekko get back to the try to make the wound better. The reader about to leave, returning to their work place. But Ekko pulling back, want to make up the fight before and didn't want their relationship to end like that. The reader apologize about that fight and they make up!

(You can make it a little drama like having a boy or girl got too comfy with Ekko or not your choice! Angst at the beginning then fluff in the end and sorry if my grammar bad, English isn't my first language)

ꜱʜᴇ ɪꜱɴ'ᴛ ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ ɪᴛ, ᴅᴀʀʟɪɴɢ; ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɢᴏɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢᴇ

Pairing: Arcane!Ekko x Black!Fem!Firelight!Reader

Type: Fic

Word Count: 5.0k

Synopsis: When a minor mistake leads a stakeout mission astray, Ekko’s choice of words has you wondering where his emotions for you lie. It becomes apparent that even after seven years, the toic of discussion is one that still cuts deep for the both of you.

Warnings: cursing, show-accurate violence, mentions of drugs and drug-use (shimmer), mentions of guns & explosions, mentions of injuries

A/N: havent written for my man in a hot minute so thank you for this request! Absolutely adore Ekko, and while I think this could be way better, i know if I mess with it it wont be as good as I want it to be lmao. Sooooo here it is, hope you enjoy! Song Inspiration: “Devil Doesn’t Bargain”, “Boy in the Bubble”, and “Let Me Down Slowly” by Alec Benjamin, “lovely” by Billie Eilish ft. Khalid, “Broken Clocks” by SZA, “like that” by Bea Miller

Tags: @writingintheshadowsforever @mbakuetshurisprincess @verachii @cafehyunji @lulu-network @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @vander-affectionate @evermorewest

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The air that surrounded the Firelight soldiers as the squad returned to the hideout could be described as something akin to tension.

It was heavy, weighing on the soldiers shoulders as the squad of five hung their battle wear and accessories in their respective cubbies for housing. No one dared to speak, for fear that the unbridled temper that was thinly veiled by their leader’s quiet demeanor would be unleashed if a word was spoken into the unanimously agreed upon silence.

It was thick, evident in the way the squad members pushed through the hot and sticky summer air to hang their belongings. The hesitance slowed their movements, careful not to cause any abrupt disturbances in the carefully crafted momentum that would guarantee the three other squad members precise escape from the gear room and into the open clearing of the sanctuary, where although the air was still blazing hot, it was better to breathe than the air inside, looming with hostility.

Three would find their escapes successful, returning to their individual rooms to release the stress that had settled in their muscles from the night's events. And although they had escaped the worst of it, something still lingered in their stomachs as the distance between them and the last two remaining squad members in the gear room grew.

It wasn’t just tension. It was apprehension.

White locs were dirtied with gunpowder and sweat, a thin layer of it also coating his dark cacao skin. A deep frown makes its way onto the leader’s face, frown lines prominent on his forehead, thick nose scrunched in vexation. He leaned against a nearby table, arms swollen and toned with muscle folded across his chest as he stared at the woman before him. He was trying to calm himself, formulate the words he would say in a way that wouldn’t be regrettable, but as the events of the night continued to replay in his mind, he found his efforts nugatory.

It wasn’t just tension; it was apprehension.

He watched the woman before him take her precious time in putting up her gear. She wasn’t ignorant to the tension in the room. She wasn’t ignorant, but she knew the cause of it. She knew the reason why she was taking her time in stripping off her coat, making sure it hung on the right hook by the right tag. She knew the reason behind taking extra care in extracting her mask from her face, placing the facial ornament flat onto the floor of the cubby. She knew the reason why she was taking extra care in removing her gloves instead of ripping them off like normal.

It wasn’t just tension.

It was apprehension.

“So,” the leader’s voice echoes out into the room, the first vocal sound to do so outside of the rustle of clothing against wood and clacking of the same material against the frame of the cubby made from metal. His voice  was deep, laced with madden, restrained, “wanna talk about what the fuck that was out there?”

“Nothing,” you responded, short and curt. You were biting your tongue, the both of you knew it. You were restraining yourself just as much as he was, “it was nothing-”

“Bullshit,” the white haired boy interjects, “you don’t do shit like that and call it ‘nothing’, (Y/N).”

He could see your jaw flexing, attempting to keep your mouth closed and your resolve intact as you stored away your last glove, closing the cubby door, all without looking at him. 

“I’m not doing this with you.” You firmly announce. Your pair of feet that had been stuck in the same position finally followed your will to move as you turned to the doorway, preparing to leave the room.

“You don’t have a choice, Captain!”

His voice is booming, thunderous like a God, and it commands you to halt your movements. The use of your title makes you grit your teeth, a tight breath slipping past your lips in a gamble for reclaiming your composure.

The leader pushes himself from his leaning position, standing firmly on his own two feet, hands coming together in a prayer motion in front of his face to stifle the agitation in his voice he was sure to let slip.

“We had a plan,” he says securely, though ironic in the current situation, “we had a plan to track movement. We had a plan to solely track that shipment; why the fuck did you divert from the plan?”

This wasn’t just tension; it was apprehension.

“The fuck do you want me to say, Ekko?” You seeth through gritted teeth, slowly but surely turning to face the boy behind you. “What the fuck is there to say?”

There’s an intensity in the air that comes from the severity of the situation at hand. Both of you restraining yourselves from enacting a yelling match, attempting to prevent the inevitable; trying to remain civil for each other’s sakes. Because if anyone knew how badly this could end, it would be the both of you.

“I fucked up,” you admit, though that was already evident in the heated silence that followed the squad home, “I made a fucking mistake. Is that what you want to hear?”

“No,” Ekko answers imply, “no, that’s not what I want to hear. Because that’s bullshit, too.”

“Excuse me?” You scoff, your expression mixed with shock and disbelief. “How are you gonna tell me about what I did? You think I don’t know what a fucking mistake is-”

“That wasn’t no fucking ‘mistake’, (Y/N)!” Ekko interjects again, and it’s the subtlety of which he does so that begins to spark an ember in your core with him. 

“We been in this game- we been together- for seven years, (Y/N),” the brown eyed boy continues, “seven fucking years. You think I don’t know your mistakes by now? You think I don’t know you?”

Of course he does, you think. Otherwise he wouldn’t be as angered as he is right now. 

“I know what it was,” he proclaims, pointing at you in an accusatory motion “it was your head.”

“My head?” You reiterate, said limb on your body tilting to the side, a growing annoyance evident in your voice. “What about my head, Ekko?”

“You really gon’ make me say it out loud?”

“Yes, cuz I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

It was a lie; you knew very well what he was referencing. You weren’t sure how it was so easy for such words to spill from your lips. Maybe it was because of the suddenness of this confrontation, despite knowing it was bound to happen. You’d played every plausible scenario of how this exact moment would play out, attempting to prepare yourself for Ekko’s questioning, and the inevitable argument that would take place. Maybe it was because you wanted him to hurry this charade along, despising his natural skill of dragging things on for far longer than what they needed to be.

“I have you as my sniper for a reason,” Ekko begins, “I have you as my second in command for a reason. Not because you’re the only person I’ve got left-” a fib of his own spills from his lips, but addressing it would not steer the conversation anywhere but in circles, “-not because you’re my fucking girlfriend, but because you proved that you could always hold a chill head. That you could take the orders given. That you could make the calls when I can't.”

“I’m sure you’ll get to a point eventually, Ek.” You scoff, refraining from rolling your eyes as he lectured you as if you were still children, holled up in an alleyway on the streets of the Undercity, hiding from enforcer soldiers.

“Whatever the fuck that was out there, was not a calm and chill head. So I need you to tell me,” Ekko steps closer, the sound of his combat boots echoing throughout the tattered walls of the gear room, “what did you see that knocked you off?”

“This is ridiculous, Ekko,” you profess, “what’re you gonna do if I don’t?” Take me off the tracking team? Demote me?”

Perhaps it wasn’t wise to say such daring words to the very leader of the rebellion you swore your life to. If there was anything about Ekko that was redeeming, it was his unyielding devotion to owning his title and standing on his word. And as he stands before you, an arms length away with chocolate brown irises blazing into yours with a fire so hot it could scorch your own fierce ones, there’s a gnawing at your stomach that tells you that he absolutely would. 

“You think I won’t?”

Silence filled the already tension-thick atmosphere, seeping into the folds and making it all the more unbearable. You weren’t sure how long the two of you stared at each other in a battle of will, a common practice the two of you engaged in whenever a disagreement arised. Without an audience, the glares in exchange lasted for what felt like minutes, hours. 

And Ekko wasn’t backing down.

“Are you serious?” You muttered through gritted teeth. “All this over a dumb mistake that will never happen again?”

“It was a mistake that could have costed us lives!” Ekko bellows once more, and if it weren't for it being the second time he had raised his voice, you may have flinched by the volume it had risen to. “We can’t afford to make mistakes, (Y/N) - especially with what we do - you know that more than anyone here!”

“And it wont happen again!” You declared, garnering agitation in your voice from having to repeat yourself more than you would like to. 

“And how can I know that, (Y/N)!?” Ekko shouts, challenging your words once more, and it more than suggests to you that he doesn’t believe them. He knows you’re not telling him everything, and it irks him to his core.

You turn once again with a mission to leave, even getting your feet to start moving, but that doesn’t stop Ekko from continuing to speak his mind. “What’s so hard about telling me what you saw!?”

“How many times do I have to tell you that it was nothing?”

“You can tell me a thousand times and I still won’t believe you-” the white haired boy rebutted, “because this isn’t you, (Y/N)!”

You weren’t sure for how long your back and forth ensued. Countless minutes of shouting back and forth, overlapping words, pleas to come clean, pleas to forget. This kind of situation wasn’t unfamiliar territory for the two of you. Ekko had a lot of weight on his shoulders, a lot of trauma he hadn’t yet faced, that he had pushed deep down to never be addressed. You understood, because you related. 

You both were there that night. You both witnessed the same act of monstrosity from the sworn enemy of your people’s leader. It was the very catalyst for the current occupation the both of you shared as leaders in a dwindling community, striving for peace and unadulterated existence while simultaneously fighting against the overwhelming clutch Silco’s grasp held on Zaun.

The woman you had become was because of that bastard's treachery and cruelty, who played a game that cost the lives of thousands. A woman of practicality, precision and calculated action. In this world there was very little room for emotion. Years ago, you wouldn’t gotten roughed up a little, but now, it got you a one-way ticket to the green, polluted waters of the desolate sewer system to be feasted on by the rats…and whatever other poor monstrosities that came from SIlco’s Shimmer.

Ekko knows this. Ekko knows all of it. Which is why he finds himself so frustrated that you won’t talk to him. It’s only in the midst of his grunting and growling that it clicks to him. A possibility as to why you acted out of such a practiced routine. Yet, he doesn’t know if he should rejoice about his revelation, or grow even more heated.

“You saw her.”

Three words that seemed to silence the world spilled from his lips in a breathy gasp. He knows he’s right when your lips come together in a tight line, and for the first time since the confrontation was initiated, your eyes divert from his.

You saw her.

“You saw her, didn’t you?” He asks, but is met with silence once again.

The topic of Jinx was always a sensitive one. Ekko may have been able to fool himself into detachment from the blue haired girl, shredding whatever hope he had left of recovering the old Powder who loved to go on runs with the two of you and made trinkets for your birthdays out of scrap metal and hard work. However, the same could not be said for you.

“(Y/N)-”

“So what if I did?” The rebuttal is sharp tongued and weighty, heavy with emotion, and Ekko knows what is inevitable to come.

“So what if I did see her, Ekko? What would you say?” You ask through gritted teeth, words strained as you feel the dam of emotions inside of you starting to overflow. “The same old shit you say all the time? That she’s gone and there’s no path of redemption for her? That she’s not worth saving?”

He’d never said such words aloud, but Ekko was guilty of thinking them, and to hear them verbalized tore open the same wound in his heart he’d patched up time and time again with each mention of the long lost friend.

“You may be able to let go, Ekko,” you grumble through gritted teeth, eyes watering over, and Ekko doesn’t know if its the sight of you crying or if it's the way the conversation has shifted that has him stilling, jaw clenched tightly, “but I can’t do that…I just can’t.”

And then, you left. And suddenly the unbearably thick summer air turned bitingly cold against Ekko’s skin as he watched you walk away. And as Ekko wipes down the length of his face, he knows there’s nothing much left for him to do but wait.

Wait until the air has become more bearable to breath. Wait until the tension has subsided. Wait until apprehension no longer clogs his stomach heavily, so that regrettable words would not be spoken.

“Hey, I’ll be back in a bit.”

“Going to the market?”

“Yeah. Your bike needs a rotator chain, I’m gonna see if I can find one on the west end.”

One week. Seven days. 168 hours since you’ve last seen Ekko.

“Be careful out there. Silco’s goons have been making rounds again, and they aren’t sparing anyone in these parts.”

You don’t remember leaving the sanctuary. You just remember waking up on your friends couch after, according to them, was a rough and stormy night. You probably blacked out after your screaming match with him, and had an overwhelming desire to just get away. Your friend’s place was the only spot safe enough for you to crash at until you got your head straight.

Though, after seeing what you saw, could you really expect to snap back in a mere few hours?

“I’ll be good. They won’t touch me if they know what’s good for them.”

You left the tiny home of your friend, clad in the same clothes you had left in and a jacket you were quick to grab from their wardrobe. They lived pretty high up above the marketplace - the homes of the residents of Zaun were built into the underside of the extravagant Piltover, where everything was dark, dank, and cold. Layers upon layers of makeshift apartments stacked on top of one another for conservation of what little space the undercity did have.

Your hand grabbed the pole of the crossbridge that led from the side your friend’s apartment was to the other, and with expert precision, you maneuvered your way down the several levels and layers of homes connected by bridges of wood, metal and concrete.

Memories of parkouring as a little girl began to flutter into your mind. How you loved to best Ekko, the self proclaimed ‘King of Parkour’, at his own game. How Powder would tag along with you because she wanted to be with her friends-

Fuck, you weren’t suppose to think about her.

You were thankful your feet met the ground before more thoughts of Powder filled your mind, because if you had still been swinging from pole to pole and jumping from wood to metal, you’d surely lose your balance and come falling down the rest of the way. It was the effect the past had one you; and an unfortunate one at that.

It’s as if the second you find landing and start to walk in the direction of the marketplace, your ears catch wind of commotion to your left. The muffled grunting and clamoring causes you to pause and turn, peering out of your hood to see what was happening.

You’d always been the one to answer a call to action, so there wasn’t much surprise when you found yourself inching closer to the alleyway of which was producing the concerning sounds. It had only been ingrained into you from your youth, and had become second nature in the wake of Silco’s reign. Having a knack for helping people was a blessing and a curse, and while it got you into more trouble than you would like, the favors that you’d stocked up on came in handy.

Approaching the alleyway closer you could make out two figures standing - Silco’s men, no doubt, given the way they dress and the horrible filth they speak. Then there’s a person on the ground, wearing green.

Green was the color of the Firelights, and so naturally, you assumed the worst.

With your ankle pressing against the small knife hidden in your boot, you knew what had to be done. You crouched down behind a stack of crates and whistled, catching one of the perp’s attention. As they approached your direction for inspection, in one quick motion, you slipped the knife from your boot, took hold of the perp’s arm and knocked him into the wall. The blade made itself a home in his neck, muffling any yell he would’ve mustered out.

By the time you were finished, the second perp had been taken care of as well by the victim they were cornering. Revealing yourself from behind the stack of crates, your worries had been confirmed when getting a closer look at the coat the other person was wearing.

It was indeed a Firelights coat - a deep forest green to blend in with the shadows but still be distinguishable. The Firelight had been injured it seemed, as they held their arm close and with care, wincing with every movement of it that was made.

“Hey,” you called out to them, advancing closer to them as you did so, “you alright? Where’s your partner? You know if you’re patrolling you gotta be in pairs-”

“(Y/N)!” The Firelight gasps out in relief, confusing you. “Lieutenant- you’ve gotta help us! We were outnumbered- a-and got split up, they jumped us!- from every corner, we didn’t see them coming-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” You quickly soothing, grounding the obviously frightened soldier with reassuring hands on their shoulder, guiding them to breathe, “you have to slow down for me, and breathe so you can clearly-”

“-a-and it’s Ekko- Ekko, he got hurt-”

And in that moment, your world slows, and there’s an instant pit in your stomach that comes from thinking the worst. If Ekko of all people got taken out of commission, whatever that was going on was serious.

“...okay,” you start after your shock passes over you. As if a switch in your brain is flipped, and now you’re in fight mode, “you need to take me to where you all split from. Now.”

Your voice is commanding and stern, leaving no room for discussion. The Firelight, still holding his arm, nods at your command. As the two of you leave, you pick up the weapon that the second perp had been carrying on his back; it wasn’t anything compared to your sniper gun, but it would have to do.

According to the Firelight, the mission was to stop one of Silco’s Shimmer transports to a hotspot location known for distribution of the drug. The normal prep for such a mission was done properly, but there was an underestimation of power in numbers on Silco’s end. What’s more, a certain blue haired girl decided to make her presence known as well, and her erraticness threw everyone off square. To save face, Ekko commanded everyone to split up.

Which meant Ekko was alone, and hurt, and probably wallowing in some form of guilt, and that could not do. A guilty Ekko was not a functional one.

“We were over there when the fight started,” said the Firelight as the two of you stood on top of a roof overlooking the distribution post, “when he made the call, I saw him go east in the direction of the Last Drop. The two other soldiers went west, and I ran south.”

Two large, burly men, littered with tattoos and hardened by the streets, guarded a small cart covered with blue metal barrels, a strip of thick translucent plastic going down the side, showing the bright magenta liquid inside. Four more paced around the small clearing area, seemingly on the lookout for someone.

Six men within a ten yard radius of each other. If you were right, that cart held about thirty gallons of Shimmer. Tests done on the drug proved that it was highly flammable, which normally meant that with your sniper gun, setting the scene ablaze would be easy. But with a mere regular shotgun in your possession, you’d need an extra boost.

“Look in your pouch for me,” you direct to the Firelight soldier, “do you got any of those spark pouches?”

The Firelight uses his good arm to fish in his thigh pouch, producing a small, red sack of gunpowder. “What’re you thinking, Lieutenant?”

“We need to take these guys out while destroying that shipment in the process,” you explain, pointing towards the triangular shape of trajectory between each of the guardsmen and the cart, “the spray of the Shimmer is about fifteen yards, which will cover more than enough of the ten yard radius those guys are in. I need you to throw that spark pouch right in between the two guards on my signal. When I shoot, it’s gonna be enough Shimmer spray to kill them…but we gotta move fast to avoid it.”

It wouldn’t have been the first time someone looked at you crazy for such a straightforward plan. You’d garnered many such stares since you first began in the Firelight ranks. There was a method to your madness, as Ekko would put it, and there had never been a reason for anyone to not trust your judgements or plans. Despite the Firelight’s initial questioning of the credibility of such a plan, there was no choice but for him to go along.

The two of you backed up as much as possible on the rooftop to make it easier for a clean getaway. Once in position, you pulled out the gun you had acquired earlier, checking the magazine for sufficient bullets. Then, you took aim at the center of the cart, inhaling a deep breath to steady your hand and focus your vision.

At one, the world began to slow when your aim focussed steadily.

At two, you prepared your wrist for the recoil that would shock your hand.

At three, the Firelight soldier threw the spark pouch with expert precision. Not a second later, the shot from your gun rung out.

The sight that Ekko wakes up to is a pleasant one compared to the week he’s had.

The sun is blinding through his makeshift sunroof. There’s a dull pain on his side, and a ringing in his ears that subsides the more his vision focuses. It’s a great contrast to what he thought he’d be seeing when he awoke, but he welcomes the feeling of home that washes over his being.

His eyes turn to his side where he sees you, sitting next to his bed. His jacket is thrown loosely over your shoulders, and in your hands, you twirl a piece of folded paper. His eyebrows furrow at the sight; he isn’t expecting you to be here with him.

Noticing that he’d woken up, you focus your attention on the injured man. The folded letter is placed on the crate that acts as a nightstand next to Ekko’s bed, and you lean forward onto the bed to get closer to him. His hair is disheveled, locs splayed everywhere on his pillow and on his face. His abdomen is bandaged tightly, yet even the white gauze leaves little to the imagination. And the sun shines on his cocoa colored skin, contrasting against your own as you slip his larger hand into your own.

You needed to feel him, and be thankful that he was here.

“Hey, you,” Ekko croaks out, voice raspy and patchy from what you can only assume was yelling and sleep.

“Hi,” you mutter out against the back of his hand, lips pulled into a tight smile.

“Thought you were still mad at me.”

“”m not mad,” you mumble, shaking your head, “just glad you're okay.”

The fact that you’re not being snarky with him tells Ekko that there’s something weighing on you; something that’s not remorse for your absence, but something deeper. His eyes travel over to the nightstand, falling onto the letter once again.

“What’s that?” He points out, curiosity filling his patchy voice.

There’s a moment’s pause before you speak again, your voice somber and emotional; “It’s….what I saw.”

What I saw can only be referring to the incident a week prior, Ekko determines. His eyes turn back to you, his hand giving yours a gentle tug towards him, gesturing for you to climb into bed with him. He meets little resistance, and takes a little pride in how easily you slip into his side, molding against his form as you were made to. His arm wraps around your shoulders, helping you hide in the crook of his neck; a much needed escape you’ve wanted to indulge in for a while.

“Deal with it later,” he mumbles against your hairline, “jus’ stay with me.”

Resting against Ekko’s broad chest, you thought on his words. Knowing yourself, dealing with things later wouldn’t be as productive as he’d hope. You’d want to forget the subject entirely, revert back to the same concealment as before. Knowing the both of you, it couldn't be dealt with later.

“It was her eyes, Ekko,” You mumbled into his shirt, prompting the darker male to turn his attention to you, “there was something in them, Ekko. I swear there was.”

Seeing Jinx on that night wasn’t what any of you had intended. She’d very scarcely shown her face on the streets of Zaun, presumably at SIlco’s behest. As mad of a kingpin he was, he himself couldn’t deny the deranged nature the blue haired girl had. And yet, when she showed signs of stability, he seemed to allow her off on transportation missions at the very least. And it just so happened that after six years, a week ago was the first time you’d seen Jinx since the night Vander died.

When you saw those blue eyes, dulled and lifeless, it hurt. Hurt to know that the possibility of Powder truly being gone was higher than what you’d let yourself believe. Hurt to know that you would never have your friend back, and that there would never be any chance of recovering the family you’d list all those years ago.

You’d seen her, and then, she saw you. And when she did, the world slowed. And for a second, when your eyes caught each other, a flash of something came across her eyes that caused your body to react against your well-trained judgment. It was as if she had recognized you and felt a sense of…wistfulness.

Though it didn’t reflect anything of the like when she raised her gun towards you, and you had no choice but to act before she could.

“There was a moment where I…thought she recognized me,” you muttered, “but then she….raised her gun to me.”

Ekko’s chest stuttered as he released a shaky breath to your words. There’s a pause before you speak again, “Is it easier for you to just…believe she’s really gone?”

A long moment of silence passes…”Yeah, it is.”

Ekko has always thought about Jinx. It’s hard not to when her presence can change any of his plans on a whim, since he has people to protect and her mentality is as finicky as a time bomb. But Powder…he hates to think about her.

“If she was gone from the start,” Ekko mutters through a voice crack, “it means there wasn’t a chance to save her in the first place. Means I never failed in saving her, I guess.”

Your hand reaches up to caress Ekko’s face, jaw clenched tight from his own words, and when you look into his eyes, you can see the vulnerability he tries so hard to hide when talking about the blue haired girl. There was beauty in it, you always told him, though you never thought he truly believed you when you said it. Ekko was never given much grace to be vulnerable, to be a boy. He’d found that in you; so you knew it took a lot for him to even admit as such to your question.

You don’t really get to be a kid after watching the people you love die in front of you. Even the ones who still walk the land with another soul in their bodies.

You press a kiss onto his lips; gentle, affirming, and grounding. Your thumb runs the length of his cheekbones and  you find comfort in the crevice of his neck once again. When Ekko relaxes against your hold, you release a breath of air, and think that perhaps it’s best that you adopt his way of thinking as well.

Powder was gone, but at least in this hell, you had each other.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

[lesuccube]

➚ 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐄𝐑 : ᴍᴀʀᴄ ꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛᴏʀ — ᴀʟᴏɴᴇ ; ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ

𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒 — ghosts aren't the only ones capable of haunting , sometimes it's the people you love most in the world .

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 — angst bug [ read at your own risk ! ]

𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 — not beta'd , constructive criticism is welcomed . reblogs and comments are appreciated .

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 — 3.8k

sometimes we fly

sometimes we fall

sometimes i feel like we're nothing at all

dream in the light

dance in the dark

you fill the spaces inside of my heart

married for 3 years, dated for 2, you'd think by then you would know a person so well, better than you'd know yourself. but for you? for you it feels like you never knew marc at all. he still looks like your husband, talks and acts like him but at the same time he's not. distant, quiet(er) and cold, so very much unlike the man you had fallen in love with in the beginning. sure he was like that when you first met but you got to know him better, saw the deepest, darkest parts of him and kissed them all.

marc has a certain warmth once you get past his shell, a type of fire that burns bright that not even the rain of his tears nor the floods of his past can put out. he was always tough or rather, time made him tougher. the abuse he faced after randall's death, running away from home because he can no longer handle his mother's beatings eating away at the very core of him. he had hoped joining the marines might help him forget, it didn't. not all the way at least.

the rain of bullets sometimes reminded him of his time at the cave, the torrential downpour that afternoon flooding the cramped hole they were in, roro's desperate pleas for help. every pull on the trigger brings him back to the sounds of a leather belt clutched in his mom's fist as she slams it down on his childish body again and again, spews of profanities and accusations, wanting her youngest child back and it would go on for what felt like an eternity until his father would hold his mother back, physically dragging her away from his curled up form on the floor with welts blooming on his skin, hands pressed to his ears as he sobs repeating the words 'it's not my fault' until he passes out.

life hasn't been kind for marc spector since then… until you.

marc never knew how sunshine felt on his skin until your touch, only the way it burned during his tours or from his mother's hands. didn't recognize warmth until your hugs only the heat of his gun after a mission. he's long since forgotten how spring felt before your laughter reached his ears, he was a desert before he met you.

you were vibrant and brimming with life, a stark contrast to his bleak world of gray's and red's. marc often called you his star, as he is moon knight, he had told you that the moon can never be alone in the night sky if there is even a star that shone next to it. you kissed him breathless after that.

marc loves you, really he does. he still has difficulties expressing himself and often chooses to retreat within his shell whenever he's overwhelmed with emotion, especially the bad ones. but you had learned how to coax him out again, somehow you always knew when to save him from drowning, he thinks you're telepathic. and he had married you because he felt like you were his saving grace, his paradise after all the sins and pain he's caused to those around him.

he doesn't regret it at all, seeing you in white as you walked towards him. you shone like a star, fallen from heaven just to grace his lonesome self with your presence. that night during your wedding, he swore his heart was full and his love for you was endless. it'll never change, nothing will.

but recently, marc keeps on repressing himself. after every mission he comes back to, he becomes like a statue, devoid of any emotion. you've tried to help him as much as you can but he would only shrug you off, grabbing a can of beer before disappearing into the bedroom, not even glancing at the dinner you had prepare for him hours before while waiting for his arrival.

you tell yourself it's fine, he'll come around soon, that he was simply exhausted with the burden he carried as the vigilante moon knight, tired with an invisible god constantly speaking over his shoulder and head.

you tell yourself it's okay. but until how long will this cycle continue? how long has it been since the first time you've convinced yourself that it won't happen again? you don't know, you've lost count after a month of cold shoulders from him.

am i really mine?

are you really yours?

if all your emotions cut straight to my core

times when you cry, i feel it all

whenever you leave me i wait for your call

you are everything i'm living for

the first time marc missed a big occasion, you tried not to think too much about it.

it was your birthday, celebrated in the middle of spring ("fitting", marc has said before when he celebrated it with you for the first time, "because you are an ever blooming garden with so much love to give and yet ask nothing in return even if your flowers are plucked, only pray they'd treat it with kindness.") and he was nowhere to be seen. you weren't even supposed to go out that day, having decided that you would both spend the day in bed, eating cake and watching a game of baseball even if you didn't understand a single thing about the sport.

marc loved it and in turn you did too. but your husband was mia, not in bed or in the kitchen, he wasn't home. only when you checked your phone did you know that he wasn't even in the country.

'in kenya, be back soon. x'

not even a single greeting in his message. the apartment you shared felt cold that day despite the warm sun shining outside the large windows of your bedroom, bathing the space in natural lighting. a stark contrast to how you felt inside.

when he finally came home, two weeks later, he saw you sleeping on the couch. curled up in one of his hoodies and a blanket draped over your form as the tv played quietly in the otherwise silent apartment. kneeling beside you, his fingers brush away the strands getting in the way of your features, the brief gesture rousing you from your slumber as you blink your eyes awake, vision clearing to find your husband in front of you, a little worse for wear but still in one piece.

"hi baby." he greets you softly as you sit up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, "why are you sleeping on the couch? it can't be comfortable." you only sigh as you turn your head to look at him, the skin under your eyes visibly darker, clearly you haven't been sleeping well since he left you while you were asleep two weeks ago.

"you forgot." you told him blankly, running a hand through your hair, combing down the bedhead.

"forgot what baby? i don't— i don't understand." you smiled weakly as you raise your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them and resting your head there. "my birthday." you whispered, "two weeks ago.

shit, marc thinks to himself. he had gotten so wrapped up with his duty as moon knight, khonshu giving him more and more missions recently that he'd forgotten. never in the five years you've known marc had he missed it since the first time he celebrated your birthday with you, never. until now. "i'm sorry baby, i— i forgot and i got so busy—" you had shushed him, cupping his cheek with your palm. it's okay, was what you had said, there's always next year.

marc knew you'd forgiven him but he doesn't quite think the same way. he carried you back to bed that night, the bags he brought with him forgotten by the door. making it a priority to cuddle you, talk to you until you fall back asleep.

when you woke up the next day, he prepared you breakfast in bed, having woken up early despite his jetlag to run by your favorite café to get you your favorites. he spent the day with you the way he was supposed to, promising to make it up to you.

if you go down

then we go down together

if you hold on

i might just stay forever

if you get hurt

i'll try to make it better

if you go down

then we go down together

the house is silent most of the time, marc's presence haunting every corner of it despite his growing absence. you look around the place again, his favorite mug sitting on the kitchen counter with half of his black coffee still inside. a bunch of postcards thumbtacked and decorating a part of your living room walls, showcasing all the places he's been to ever since he became khonshu's moon knight. his favorite cap was still hooked on your bedroom door's knob, you keep forgetting to hang it in your shared wardrobe whenever you cleaned the place up.

there were so many traces of him living with you and yet he was like a ghost. you rarely see him these days, even more so at night when the god would demand of his time.

never had you been so jealous of a bird before.

sometimes we're right

sometimes we're wrong

sometimes the lines just never been drawn

nights when we fight

we strike a chord

and then we forget what we've been fighting for

the pattern continued for months and the days began to turn colder with autumn right around the corner. marc was beginning to miss bigger events and moments in your shared life. some of those would lead to larger arguments whenever you'd confront him about it, never screaming at each other but you had both definitely said a lot of things you regret but don't take back. well, marc doesn't. not like he hasn't even been communicating much with you anyways.

marc never apologizes after each fight, you do though. you'd press yourself to his back when you're both settled in bed, holding on to the back of his shirt as you whisper apologies, murmuring how you don't want to fight with him, you never do.

"i just miss you. you've been gone more and for much longer periods of time it feels like you're never here at all." you admitted weakly, sniffling as your emotions come bubbling at the surface again but you're exhausted, previous arguments draining your energy. "it's hard when you're not around."

he's missed so much in your lives it hurt, especially when you had lost your father during the fall, your only family, and he wasn't there to comfort you. during the whole wake, you sobbed in the arms of your godmother, your heart cracked and torn at the edges at the loss of the man who had raised you, the man who had walked you down the aisle to meet your currently missing husband and it broke you.

you lost one man and yet in that week and more, it felt like you mourned for two.

marc didn't show up at the three day service, not even for the funeral. all your calls went straight to voicemail and your texts left on read. whether he just doesn't bother to reply or was blatantly ignoring you, you'll never know but he was met with an empty apartment when he came back after another mission by the ancient god, you had chosen to sleep at your childhood home, yearning for your deceased father as you wept in his old bedroom.

the following weeks after that, you'd given marc the cold shoulder, much like he does to you until you broke, unable to stand the distance it sets between you. moments of love few and far in between fights and continual disappearances but it always ends the same way, with you in tears as marc holds you in his arms, whispers of empty promises gluing back pieces of you he doesn't even know he broke. a temporary fix.

lay on the floor

sleep in your arms

pausing the world to stay right where we are

close all the blinds

lock all the doors

things fall apart and i'm wanting you more

you are everything i'm living for

the final straw was when he missed your third wedding anniversary one winter evening.

you had both sat down and talked about this weeks ago, marc finally agreeing to make up for the times he's been gone and fighting when he's around. you were able to snag a reservation at a really popular restaurant downtown, buying yourselves a fitting outfit for the day as you had wanted to make it special. you secretly bought a small gift for marc too, nervous as you hid it away until said date rolled around.

when your anniversary came, marc, as per routine by now, wasn't in bed. he's already left for the day doing what he needed to do and promised you the night before that he'll be there in time to pick you up for dinner.

well... the hours ticked by fast, nighttime falling just around the corner amd snow beginning to settle on the concrete streets and you were dressed to the nines and warm, although it was already approaching quarter to eight and your reservation was at 8:20, the journey from your apartment to the restaurant taking at least 20 minutes if traffic wasn't too bad.

you arrived at the packed restaurant with three more minutes until your reservation was to be passed to someone else, the host guiding you to your seat, a table for two, though it was only you present. your server followed not too far, handing you a menu to which you had ordered a bottle of some red wine, hoping to ease your nerves with it.

it wasn't until it was almost 10 in the evening when marc arrived, his curls no longer staying slicked back and his tux looking like it was put on in a rush with his tie knotted loosely and crooked around his neck, his shoulders wet with melted snow and a wrinkled bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand. but when he approached the host, stating his reservation, she looked at him with pity before shaking her head.

"i'm sorry mr. spector but your reservation ended thirty minutes ago, your wife arrived and paid for the bill on the bottle of wine she had ordered but that was about it."

he had thanked her before nearly dashing out of the restaurant, flowers still clutched in hand as he hailed a cab home. he ran a hand through his curls, muttering curses to himself throughout the ride back and ignoring the egyptian god in his head.

when he turned his keys in the lock, the whole place was dark, the heels you've worn for the night thrown haphazardly along with your coat and bag, all these items trailing to your shared bedroom.

he creeps in quietly, toeing off his shoes as he sits down next to your curled up form under the blankets. you didn't even take your dress off, only washing your face off the makeup you'd carefully applied but there was still some mascara trailing down your cheeks, it was obvious that you'd been crying.

his heart squeezes tight in his chest, guilt eating at his core. he knows he hasn't been the best husband as of late, dealing with a lot of things all at once with khonshu and all the goddamn missions he's been sending him off to in god knows where most of the time. but it didn't excuse the fact that this was something you mutually planned, talked about in the previous weeks.

god he knew how excited you were about it, your face lighting up for the first time in a very long while that he's seen and now it feels like he's been punched in the stomach— no it felt much worse than that seeing that not only did he stand you up for a date, your third wedding anniversary at that, he had gone and let you starve and made you cry yourself to sleep.

he's not sure that making up for this the next day could fix the damage he's already caused but he was going to try. he swore to himself he would...

had it not been for khonshu meaning him take on another mission, hunting down ammit's worshippers that very same night.

and you were left all alone yet again.

if you go down

then we go down together

if you hold on

i might just stay forever

you couldn't stand it anymore.

you love marc, god knew just how much you loved that man but good the past half year, it felt like you were married to a ghost and you don't want to spend another waking moment with him gone.

you don't know where marc was this time, long since updated you where he's been going, only saying when he'll be home. and he was supposed to be home tonight so you waited.

you sat on your living room couch, glancing around the room for the faint traces your husband was still with you, a ghost that haunts your memories, taking up space in your home even though he wasn't even around much anymore. you don't know what hurt more, the fact that you're married yet you two act like two strangers living under the same roof or that he's treating you like you were the ghost, lingering around your shared home and watching his every movement during the little time he spends there.

you're hurt, so fucking hurt it makes you numb. and that hurts even more because in all honesty, you want to cry and scream and punch, claw at his chest and make him see things your way but fuck if you weren't exhausted, tired from keeping a failing marriage alive. you don't regret being with marc, but you hate how much he's changed since then.

you sat there and waited as the hours passed by you, the moon rising and you begin to hear the familiar jingle of his keys turning the locks of the front door.

you didn't mean to turn it into a fight but you're drained and your patience was running thin and marc, god. he was infuriating with that cold shoulder. ignoring your pleas to talk and heading to the kitchen to grab a cold beer. it took all of you not to smash that metal can away from his hands.

"if you would just listen to me marc! i'm begging you! you're out more than you're home and you don't come back until it's deep into the night and i'm already asleep, jesus i don't even see you when i wake up!"

"i have duties—"

"yes i know, you do but baby, i'm not asking you for much okay?" your voice cracks as the dam cracks and fractures, all the things you've bottled up and ignored pushing against the walls in giant waves, testing the limits of your emotions.

"i'm not asking you to stop what you do... just look my way every now and then. is that— am i asking for too much to want my husband to come home to me?"

he sets the can down on the kitchen counter, the dim lights above the counter shines over him, casting a dark shadow over his face and he nearly looks unrecognizable with that unreadable expression on his face.

and for a moment it scared you that you were no longer speaking to your marc at all.

"all i ask, marc, is to set a time for me too. god knows i've been patient and i try to understand you as best as i can because i know you carry a heavy burden, okay? i know, but marc, does it hurt for once to be here? to be with me? because why the fuck are we even married if you're just going to act like i don't goddamn exist at all?!"

he stays quiet, eyes still trained on you as the tears start to fall, the dam beginning to fissure and break, the waves of hurt pushing and pushing and pushing until it shatters the intricately built wall you created.

"i miss you." you whisper, "i've missed you." you stress as you run a hand through your locks, turning on your heel to sit at the living room couch, burying your face in your hands as you take deep breaths, too fucking tired of being the understanding wife to a husband who was never around anymore, not in your time of need and not even when you hit rock bottom.

was this even the marc who had laughed so warmly at you as you both danced under the night sky, the one who would show up at every date with a fresh bouquet of your favorite flowers, was this even the same marc that said i do as he lifted the veil from your face just to kiss you like he's never before? because he sure as hell doesn't act like it anymore.

for once it's you who disappears, when the clock strikes 2 in the morning and marc had fallen deep asleep, your own bags packed the weeks before that lead up to this.

for once it was him who woke up to an empty bed and an even emptier apartment. most of your clothes gone from their hangers in the closet, your toothbrush gone from the bathroom sink along with your tray of skincare products, and with your disappearance did marc feel empty, a part of him missing as you left.

for once, marc begins to live here in your shared apartment again, looking around at the final traces of you lingering within these walls. now he lives with the ghost of you, haunting him through dreams and memories, his every waking and sleeping moment a nightmare the longer you stay gone.

for once, it's marc who deals with the loss of a loved one. and you're not there to comfort him and keep him from sinking, he drowns in the waters you've left from your broken dam of hurt, flooding his life and his heart with a burden much heavier than anything he's felt before.

you haunt him, like he used to haunt you. you went down and left, taking all the love you had with you. leaving behind the shell of the man that marc spector used to be. and now he was sinking too, drowning in your absence, drinking your ghost away.

if you get hurt

i'll try to make it better

if you go down

then we go down together

[piece-of-the-pie-if]

Hey author, how are you? 💕

I'm curious to know what kind of music the RO's like. Who are their idols? Any artists/genres that are a guilty pleasure for them?

Any kind of music they pretend to like just 'cos it's popular? *discreetly looks at Kinsley*

Hello nonie~ I'm doing good thank you!

this kind of question is hard for me, personally, to think about because of my own relationship with music and music artists (which is why this took so fucking long) which is to say I love music and don't really pay attention much to artists beyond the fact they make the music I love (lmao I really don't care about celebrities, I find it quite concerning that so many people idolise them so much... like your(general) fave is just a guy at the end of the day lmao) (that being said I can understand having an influence and following the *work* of an artist you really connect to) and I find it hard to make hard line distinctions between genres, aha 🤭

That being said, let's have a look at some music! (This is an excuse to show off my extensive and exhaustive music reach and taste, so thank you!)

Dylan──they're open to all types of music but they only really purchase R&B albums! Artists like Stevie Wonder, Chaka Khan, Tina Turner, Prince, Alicia Keys, Frank Ocean, SZA, Kehlani and Miguel are all artists Dyl owns albums (and vinyls!!) for! Dyl introduced Kin to R&B and they usually listen to the artists she likes more when they're together (Beyoncé, Victoria Monét, Lionel Ritchie etc) They like ‘Foreign Language’ R&B too, artists like BIBI, DEAN, Cherrie, Girl Ultra, Adi Oasis, ØZI, Yseult and Lous And The Yakuza.

Shay──the real eclectic listener! He likes next to every genre of music, Rap, Hip Hop, R&B, Pop, K-pop, J-rock, Folk, Funk, Phonk, EDM, Heavy Metal, Grunge, House, Synth, Soul... even Country... Country Fusion! Shay likes artists that kind of... don't have a genre? Like Sleep Token, Twenty One Pilots, Pink Floyd, Oingo Boingo, Lene Lovich, David Bowie, Gorillaz, Poppy, Bring Me The Horizon, Afterlife, Seventeen, Red Velvet and Hannah Wicklund. He definitely love finding new music as well as sharing new music! (Watch the YouTube/Twitch channel that's got a segment dedicated to reacting to new music!! Like HTHAZE!)

Kinsley──lmao she doesn't mind Popular music but, like, the last Taylor Swift album she actively sought out was 1989 (she's partial to This Love) and Kin would rather die than be subjected to Trap music. She's very into genres like Alternative Indie, Indie Rock, Neo Soul, and R&B artists like Hozier, Florence + The Machine, Lorde, Phoebe Bridgers, Lizzy McAlpine, Searows, Reneé Rapp, Ethel Cain and Noah Kahan. Her R&B influence is mainly from being Dylan's friend but she does love artists like Beyoncé (she really loved her self titled album and especially Virgo's Groove off of Renaissance), Victoria Monét (particularly the Jaguar II album) and Khalid as well as older artists like Mary J. Blige, Marvin Gaye or Lionel Ritchie!

J──they tend to listen to music for the beat, the bass, the instrumentals more than lyrics. They like heavier genres like Rock, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Alternative Rock, Punk Rock, Nu Metal, Grunge and other genres like EDM, Synth, Techno and Trance. They also listen to Italian artists quite a lot, mainly because J wants to keep up with the language (because their father refuses to speak it or teach them) so artists like Måneskin, Jovanotti, Lacuna Coil, Max Gazzé, Vanerus, and even Vivaldi. J also listens to anything their sister recommends them, even if it's the most bubblegum pink pop shit they've ever heard─if Bells likes it they're listening. Shay will also introduce them to the wonders of J-rock and K-pop which bend genre all the time!

Theo──a Pop lover! Or rather, Theo tends to stick to listening to the radio or the Popular Playlist on Spotify! They tend to like more instrumental artists like or soundtrack artists like Hans Zimmer, Hiroyuki Sawano, Danny Elfman, Vangelis, Rachel Portman (who was the first female composer to win an academy award for best original score!) and Michael Giacchino over anything else and they 'broaden their horizons' by being dragged to Jazz bars and open house cafés by C (and MC) so it's not like they're stuck in one/two genre's!!

Bonus! Some Modern/Nu Jazz artists C likes: Ezra Collective, Nubya Garcia, Masego, Cherise, Camille Munn, Blue Lab Beats, Kasami Washington, Esperanza Spalding, Snarky Puppy, GoGo Penguin, Mathilde Widding and Christian Scott aTunde Adjuah!

[khalidplsstfu]

To Be Loved Is To Be Changed

It's kinda hard to belive that quote is attributed to a random twitter user. It's even harder to believe that it's true. Every couple of months, something happens to me that alters the way my brain works, maybe forever and i never really talk about it. The situation in this post is one of those situations.

A large percent of my 2023 was spent missing an ex- girlfriend. Very cliche, but also very painful. I questioned everything about the relationship, but mostly the part i played in it's disintegration. The ways in which i failed to be the lover and friend my ex needed was very heavy on my mind. which was weird because i literally never think about ways i failed. but that time spent reflecting on the days I spent being as unperturbed and unaware of my girlfriends feelings as a mostly homeless young man can be left me with me with something resembling an answer.

The reality was that like most men in my life, i put the emotions of those i care about on the back burner in favor of the results I wanted to see. Probably in an effort to protect my emotional self which had almost been beaten to numbness by a tramuatic childhood and young adult life. It's a practice i learned to use on myself, and then spread to other people as some type of barometer of how worth my time they are. Is it kind? Does it make everyone feel seen or heard? No. Did it save me from cold ravolii cans and nights using a bathroom handwarmer to stay warm? Yes.

This hardened dedication to my goals and absolute withdrawl from my emotional self without a doubt saved my life. It saved me from being a vagrant loser, another man who depends on the blessings of others to sustain his own life. But closing that door to how i felt had disatorious effects on my relationship, as i wasn't just closing the door to how I felt, but to FEELINGS in general.

"But that was then" I told myself. "Surely, with all the books i read, all the podcast and lectures and interviews with feminist rants i've consumed, i'm more ready to feel and be felt than ever. More ready to hear and be heard" At the time I was working at a shoe store where my closest thing to a work friend was a middle aged white woman who hated her husband and complained about him every chance she got. Which I gave her many, because learning from a old dude's mistakes is a big part of being a young dude. Anyway, the advice from my work buddy was very concise.

"contact her and let her know how you feel. It's the only way you'll know if she feels the same. and you'll regret it if you don't"

advice that good cant be ignored, especially if you kinda wanna do the thing you're seeking advice about anyway. so i did it. i wrote my greatest love letter ever. i was vunerable. caring. apologetic. everything i thought i was supposed to be. And surprisingly it worked. So well we hung out that night.

But something was diffrent this time. something that makes me feel that dark feeling in the pit of my stomach even as i write. The feeling that I was being mislead. being made a fool of. Too many quickly hidden phone screens and vauge answers. But like every other man, I was a fool. I said " I do not see" I was ready to bare the horror of trusting another human being with my emotions. If trust was a part of love, i was all in. After all, a life without love isnt much of a life at all.

Somehow, in my infinite stupidity, i decided to use some of my disposable income to celebrate her birthday. This was a decision so stupid i routinely beat myself up about it inside the safety of my mind. A decision so stupid the khalid that orginally met the girl in question simply would've never done it.

"Why would i spend money on a girl i barely trust" 19 year old khalid would say. And honestly that kid knew more than i'd give him credit for. But with our focus re-established, i decided to spend her birthday this year showing her how much she meant to me. I planned a day and fully funded it with the last decent check that shoestore would give me. I got two dinners and two tickets to the worst aquariam dallas has to offer and 7 grams of weed for us to smoke. All in preparation for what was a absoloutely horrible day.

Like most horrible days, this one started off relatively normal. I got high and dressed and mentally prepared to pay the debt i owe someone who i've loved for years. she showed up and was as beautiful as she always is and I started us on our way.

In all honesty the day remanined pretty good until we left the aquariam. At which point we lost the car so we couldn't return for a quick smoke after we ate. Frustrating, but instead of lumping my frustration on her i just tried to focus up and find the car. There was a very noticeable frustrated silence while we looked for the car but eventually we did find it. we smoked. and headed to applebees.

applebees. my home away from home. the home of the 4 dollar pint on friday night. in all honesty the perfect place to have your lifelong perspective altered forever, its almost like a fighting game stage in the way there's just limitless oppurtunity to see things you've never seen before. And that warm day in august, that's exactly what I saw.

In order for the events that happened that day, at that applebee's table to make sense to you dear reader, i have to provide context. Not to suck my own dick or anything, but im not a dude who just started getting pussy a week ago. I've been blessed enough to have a face that allows me to expirence the female form in a somewhat consistent way. Saying that to say, i know what it's like to be around good women. And shifty ones. And as me and my ex were having a beautiful day at that applebees table, I saw the shifty woman trademark. the ol "silence the phone and pretend they didn't see"

Now in the moment, i was salty. I felt a whole relationship's worth of mistrust and self consciousness flow through me. she kept trying to talk to me, and i tried my best to respond, but i felt like a dweeb the whole time. After all who was I in that moment? Paying for a date for a girl hiding her phone from you? Planning a day around someone not named Khalid or Khalid Jr? Putting myself in a position to see myself in these ways? what was i ?

I was changed. My first love made me a changed man.

To make a long story short, I've never been on a worse date in my life. I have to be honest and say that I found myself fighting back tears at more than one point. "You've gone soft. This would've never happened to you in 2020. Couple months alone and you lose your spine?" and more and more all played in my head as i sat in silence. At a table at one of my favorite establishments, with what i thought was the person that understood me the most, i felt completely alone. and that was enough to make me cry without being on drugs.

I don't remember how the rest of the day went exactly. I remember making a beeline for my home. saying my goodbyes. overwhelming dread. wanting privacy I couldn't have because i live in an apartment with one too many people. I remember her texting me, accosting me for my behavior. And i remember one sentence more vividly than anything she's ever said to me.

"You know, i don't really owe you anything" she says.

I was blown away. we'd spent days in love. nights looking out for each other. shared our dreams. our fears. the intricacies of our family relationships. young summers spent stealing time with each other. I felt I owed her so much. She took the time to try and see me in a way nobody else cared to. I spent so much time rationalizing her feelings. trying to empathize. and for what? did we owe each other anything? i didn't recognize the author of the messages i was reading. That was the moment that I realized that it didn't just happen to me. My love had changed her as well. I had given her the experience nesscary to guard her emotions and she had taught me to let my guard down. I don't know who made who worse. I'm scared to know in all honesty.

The story ends with me thanking her for the oppurtunity to "get her out of my system" and going about my way. I think about her often. My first love. I wish I could go back to 2019 and tell myself to make sure to enjoy every moment of her i'd have before it turns into dust. Nowadays every girl is like the new verision of my ex i met last year. Now I wonder did love make them that way as well, and if any of us can ever be saved.

[twistedroseytoesy]

Hello it's 🎵 anon again! I've discovered songs for the other characters that may or may not fit:

Yuu: Young, Dumb and Broke by Khalid or Gimme Gimme Gimme by ABBA or Money On My Mind by Sam Smith or Hate Me by Nico Collins or Wonderland by Natalia Kills

Grim: Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom by Parry Grip

Crowley: Greedy by Ariana Grande or Money Money Money by ABBA

Crewel: Fashion by Lady Gaga or Fashionista by Jimmy James

Trein: Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty from The Big Bang Theory

Vargas: Physical by Olivia Newton

Sam: Shopkeeper Song from Undertale

Ambrose: Everything Is Not as It Seems by Selena Gomez

Chenya: Twas Brillig from Alice In Wonderland

Neige: Happy by Pharrell Williams or I won't give up by Jason Mraz

The Dwarves: Heigh Ho from Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs

Rollo: I'm Sorry I Couldn't Save You by Xinclair

Riddle's Mom: The Family Jewels by Marina and The Diamonds

Falena: Save Me by Not A Robot ft adrisaurus or Lullaby for A Princess

Cheka: I Just Can't Wait To Be King from Lion King

Rielle: Part Of Your World from Little Mermaid

Jamil's Parents: Robot or Good In Me by Jon Bellion ( I feel like it's Jamil singing this to his parents) or Afton Family by APAngryPiggy

Najma: Hey Bother by Avicii or Surface Pressure from Encanto (second one is more of Jamil to Najma tbh) or You'll Be In My Heart from Tarzan (again more of Jamil to Najma)

Vil's Dad- Superstar by CG5

And that's all for now. Please let me know if these are suitable for the respective characters.

HECK YA! nice to see ya again 🎵 anon! I do have to warn you that I don't really know a lot of the side characters that arent staff, so I might not be able to say if they do or don't fit the character. Sorry about that.

Yuu: Holy heck there are so many! But I guess that makes sense due to Yuu/Mc being a self-insert for many.

The first song is a fun and laid-back kind of beat and lyrics. Fitting for the more relaxed Mc type, happily enjoying the chaos and optimistic about the future despite any troubles.

The second song is a fun beat and song. Not really sure how to categorize this one though. Fun and good song!

Third song is really sweet, a nice beat and song with kind lyrics, this is for the Mc's that are out there to help the students of NRC, but struggle due to the financial stuff Crowley puts on them. Amazing choice!

Fourth song gives the vibes of an Mc that is in love with these toxic villains that go to this school. they're down bad despite how cruel some can be.

The last song is very fitting for the whole premise of the Twisted wonderland, using different fairy tales to call out to those they are in love with. Cool song, but didn't like the video due to its erotic nature but I could just ignore that and focus on the lyrics and music.

Grim: Roblox war flashbacks really cute song, but not much I can do with this song for Grim. A cute and fun song so thanks!

Crowley: The first song doesn't really fit him due to the fact that he would never admit that he's greedy. That's the opposite of how generous he always is! good idea but not quite.

The second song has an amazing melody right off the bat! this song is definitely fitting, could change the focus from getting a man with a lot of money to them doing better than RSA. Amazing fit, but I don't plan on writing it out. Good choice!

Crewel: The first song is a bit too intense for how he works in my head. Also, the second language that is used in the song would be hard to work with.

Second song is a lot more fitting of his personality. His commands and the way he talks to his students. PErfect fit for the fashionista teacher.

Trein: hehehe! what a cute and wholesome song for the grumpy old man. Can definitely see him singing this to Lucius when he thinks he's alone in his classroom. heck yes.

Vargas: Wow... It's a good song for him, I would just have to change a lot of the lyrics to make it more family-friendly. I like the energy just way too many innuendos.

Sam: Love this tranquil song, but there are no lyrics to change or song to write, it's great, but not quite fitting. Besides, I think the song he's got already is perfect.

Ambrose: I don't know this character, or any of the side characters much, but this song doesn't really fit his joyous attitude and kindness. Honestly think this song fits Crowley more than Ambrose. Also, A song that I think would be more fitting is "Higitus Figitus" or "that's what makes the world go around".

Chenya: Very fitting to have the Cheshire cat person sing the Cheshire cat song. Apparently, it's a part of a different song/poem, the Jabberwocky. So I might have him singing it and the mc coming into those specific lyrics. very good choice.

Neige: Both of these songs are so good for the ball of pureness that is Neige, the first song gets everyone dancing and will bring a smile to many. While the second song brings a bittersweetness that moves many to smile at times they've had in the past and to look forward to more times of joy in the future. They're perfect for him.

The Dwarves: Of course we have the little dwarves singing the original dwarves' song in the mines. Not much to say or change with this one, just perfect.

Rollo: New character I know nothing about since I try to avoid spoilers. Strange song and has fairly self deprecating vibes. Not sure if this fits him or not. not willing to look at spoilers for now over it anyway. interesting choice, I cant say much about it due to ignorance of the character.

Riddle's Mom: This woman fucking sucks. the song is amazing and shows a side to Riddle that he probably has buried to try and keep the tense peace between himself and his mother. The song shows that he's better than the things his mom demanded of him, that he's better because he strayed. He's made friends, he's happier and he's more beautiful being imperfect than the gemstones the mother expected him to be. Not going to write it since its so perfect.

Falena: So this is the brother of Leona, the king of the sunset Savana. The first song is deep and shows that Falena was aware of Leona's struggle and tried to help. The second song had an amazing MLP animatic that tugs at the heartstrings. Not fitting for the lion brothers but a song of love and heartbreak. I think the first song fits better.

Cheka: Fun childish song of carefreeness for the bundle of joy that is Cheka! also fitting for him to sing his Disney counterparts' songs. Another I wouldn't write due to not knowing him well enough.

Rielle: Apparently he's the twisted version of Ariel from the little mermaid. So that's cool! classic singing of the original characters' song. The longing to see another world, to learn something new and try something different. seems fitting for this excitable prince.

Jamil's Parents: Dang, that Robot song is very deep into the issue Jamil always had with his servitude. He blames his parents and Kalim for his upbringing, having to hold himself back, to seem lesser because he was just a servant just someone inconsequential and only there to help others. This could be an inner soul song for him.

The second song shows just how much Jamil hates that the things he was good at had to be restrained, that he had to hold himself back and never speak his mind. Another build-up to his eventual overblot.

the third song was awesome, but not very fitting to the story for Jamil. Good song and it had an awesome animation too.

Najma: the brother song is sweet but doesn't really capture the banter and the snarky remarks we see between the two, this is that deep familial love that we don't get to see much of due to how Jamil works.

Second song of surface pressure is pretty fitting for how hard Jamil works and puts on himself. During the festival we see how much Najma cares, despite the teasing, she doesn't push him or demand much. She listens and supports her brother. Probably what kept him sane when he worked as a servant for all those years.

The last song is again a bit too sappy for the two vipers, but The sentiment is sweet and they do care for each other in a passive-aggressive (at times) way.

Vil's Dad: Never seen this character, I think. So I don't know if this song fits or not. But if he's proud of what his boy can do, despite some not-so-savory things to others. Then ya that song fits him well.

[poswiecenia]

@cybrvce - In all the years that Khalid has known Alhaitham, the younger man has never cared enough about his birthday to genuinely care, usually forgetting about the date until someone else reminds him. And, even then, Alhaitham is the type to brush it aside and like it doesn't matter. Well, it matters to Khalid, dammit, and he isn't going to sit back and let the day go by without something. He started it well in advance, a small project he worked on when Alhaitham wasn't home, or was preoccupied and didn't think about coming into Khalid's room unannounced. Alhaitham usually knocks, but he hadn't wanted to risk it at all. Khalid had decided to take the day off from work, cooking Alhaitham breakfast and shooing Kaveh out of the house for a while. His twin had left his own gift behind, then went off to work himself. By the time Alhaitham comes out of his room, breakfast is hot, ready, waiting on the table for him. And, next to his plate, is the present Khalid has made for him. Inside a little box lay a pendant on a silver chain: A silver ring, part of which was stationery, while an inlaid part could spin within pre-laid tracks. The chain and the pendant itself had been created by Khalid, worked carefully into shape, molded, soldered, and carefully inscribed with a delicate design. The ring being able to spin was something to help with fidgeting and anxiety, something slightly textured for tactile calming, but that moves smoothly so it can be spun around as needed. "Happy birthday," he says with a grin as he sits across the table from Alhaitham. "I know you probably forgot, or didn't care for anyone to remember, but I did. I hope you like breakfast." (he basically made Alhaitham a fidget ring on a necklace.)

( 📜 ) THE SMELL HITS him before anything else, mostly due to not being able to hear much of it. his nose scrunches as he rolled over onto his side, breathing outward 'fore beginning to rise ; hand half - heartedly looking for his hearing aids. it takes a minute in his morning haze, yawning as feet padded against the floor TO SEEK OUT the smell.

WHAT A SIGHT he found.

THE ACTING GRAND sage stared at the plate on his side of the table, turquoise eyes flicking over the spread that had been made for him. his expression doesn't change much but it is clear that he's running through the reasons for why khalid did such a thing for him - just like last year ( and the year before that ) IT SEEMED LIKE the man forgot.

EYES RAISE, SILENT as he took a minute to fiddle with his hearing aids before he moves closer. he looks between khalid and the plate again, taking a seat finally as he looks to the little box beside the plate now ; taking it all in. he opens his mouth to ask what this was all about but khalid beat him TO AN ANSWER.

oh.

oh. right.

ALHAITHAM, STILL WAKING up took longer to reign himself together for the world to properly understand him. though khalid with all his knowledge and years of knowing him would know that he's quite happy with the surprize, thankful even that it was just the two of them. especially so early IN THE MORNING.

HE WENT FOR the coffee first, free hand going for the box that he couldn't leave well enough alone, taking a sip as he reveals what's inside to himself. his eyes take on a softer edge as he removes it from the box, the mug placed back down against the table as he looks the gift AND ITS INTRICACIES over.

❛ YOU MADE THIS ? ❜ he looks to him, maintaining eye contact for only a short few seconds 'fore it moves past TO FEIGN CONTINUANCE.

[hvneybxns]

Romani Khalid | 45 | Wellness Coach ( Zoe Saldana. ) Karma Khalid | 29 | Barista ( Jaylen Barron. ) Kaya Khalid | 27 | Actress-Singer ( Jamilla Strand. ) Korey Khalid | 22 | College Student ( Nico Parker. )

Romani Khalid was being let down by men for long before it was in a romantic sense. A shitty dad that left her and her mom with nothing to fend for themselves. An even shittier teacher at school that wrote her off because she turned down his advances, a shitty first boss that took half her wage when she got a job busting tables to help out at home.

It was really no surprise to her when Bennett turned out to be a dead beat when he got her pregnant at 16 and ran for the hills to avoid having to pay any child support. It was really no surprise to her when Alex turned out to be the same type of man leaving her with two babies under three, with no real way to look after herself and her girls at 18 but it as one man too many and Romani finally felt herself snap, moving herself and her girls to live with her aunt in LA.

The move was only supposed to be temporary until she received the news her mom had died whilst she was gone and Romani felt there was nothing for her to return to. When the first photographer approached her about using Karma and Kaya in a photoshoot for a kids line she nearly wept with the pay check she was offered but she vowed she wouldn't use her girls that way again - until the money ran out. Karma hated it, always refusing to play ball with her mom but Kaya was a natural and was always ready to help out.

Kaya's first TV role was what secured their future in LA though and from then on Romani knew she would never need a man again, she had raised her girls and they could take care of her in return, though she could never bring herself to tell the girls about either of their dads. It seemed history was deemed to repeat itself again though when Korey game along and Romani was left with three girls and not a baby daddy in sight.

Their mothers example has done nothing to prove to the girls that real love exists or that they can really ever trust a man in their lives. They stick together as a close unit but there are times the girls wonder if Romani would have stuck out with them as long as she has if they didn't earn her a paycheck and they find her new line of work as a wellness coach the most ironic part of their whole lives.

[kal-lyp-so]

understanding him

one of the ways ive tried to understand him is by listening to the music he listens. (we have a spotify blend together)

his music taste is not weird at all but theyre rather quite sad or maybe abit depressive(???). dreamy, sleepy, high, broken type of songs for me.

not that i think theyre bad, its quite the opposite. theyre actually beautiful. its just not my type of songs. i know we are not talking about me or my music taste but i just want to compare or try to relate.

he listens to frank ocean, i dont. i love the weekend and khalid tho. my music is kind of up-beats and theyre basically for me to crazy dance in my room.

but his songs, its like when youre alone by the seasides and the weather is not that hot but not that cold, you would listen to this type of songs. also they give me lofi vibe hahahah

i could definitely understand his vibe and personality abit not gonna lie his music taste is better and more consistent compared to mine.

i believe that musics are a medium for most people to express themselves. hence, im listening to his favourites.

interesting... he listens to hiphop as well. huh. its a weird combo actually. hiphop and rnb. yes. rnd. he listens alot to rnb while mine is old pop songs.

we like two super different genres ngl. i feel empty whenever the beats go too slow or too calming. my mind cant sit still and ill just get distracted by something else whenver i listen to slow music. ok ive to go my magnesium is kicking in.

ill continue tomorrow

[biswa36-blog]

https://youtu.be/1CrbucTFD4o

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[4fr34k4n]

"Old'" - Khalid x Daniel Caesar Type Beat (Prod. 3x)

[jestra23]

Your musical theme

Listening to music is an everyday activity. There is not a day when I don't listen to music; at work, at home, gym, or even grocery shopping. Music calms me down when I feel down, or it could give me lots of energy. Music has helped me cope with stressful situations. Music has come a long way and has brought a connection to thousands of people around the world. Since I have felt blue, my playlist's theme will be heartbreak. The playlist contains "Heartless" (hip hop/rap) made by the one and only Kanye West, "Since you've been gone" (indie rock) by Kelly Clarkson, "Stay" (country) by Sugarland, "Für Elise" (classical) by Beethoven, "I fall apart" (alternative hip hop) by Post Malone, and "Coaster" (R&B/soul) by Khalid. I can include so many other good songs, but these are enough for now. "Heartless" was released in 2008 and started returning since it is such a trendy song. The music is upbeat, and the lyrics are controversial to the rhythm since the lyrics are about heartbreak. Kanye's theme for this song concerns how people deal with losing a relationship. Overall this song is catchy and helps with that type of situation. "Since you've been gone" was released in 2004, making it onto many musical shows and movies. Clarkson's theme in this song was about a failing relationship from her point of view. This song is fast pacing and loud. I would expect a slow and soothing pace for a breakup song instead of a quick and pumping tempo. "Stay" by Sugarland is one of the few country songs I listen to. I have no hate for country music, but it is not to my taste. This song is very slow-paced. Sugarlands theme for this song is about being in a hopeless situation. No matter how hard you try, there will only be pain and suffering. "Für Elsie" by Beethoven was composed in 1810. This song took me by surprise because although this song doesn't contain any lyrics and has an alternating tempo, he made this song after he proposed to the love of his life, and she said no. His broken heart leads him to compose this masterpiece. The tempo of the music could resemble his emotions; for example, when he's sad, the tempo slows down, and when he's furious, the beat begins to go faster. "I fall apart" by Post Malone was written in 2016. This song is slow-paced and has a hypnotizing rhythm that makes you want to listen over and over. The first time I heard this song, I was hooked. Malone's theme for this song is about being left and hurt by somebody else's actions. Finally, the best piece for last is "Coaster" by Khalid. Khalid made this song in 2017. His theme for this song was about a past love interest that never worked out. Overall, I can relate to these songs because I have been heartbroken. Not because of people but also because of myself. I let others toy with my feelings and never learn from my mistakes. My song playlist consists of artists singing about heartbreak and how it is making them feel or how it is affecting them. All these songs have helped me cope with my emotions and become a better person.