#kind of help me to calm down !!!

[erabu-san]

Hi, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with people tagging your posts when you don't want them tagged with ship, I know most people will not look at the original tags if something is reblogged to their dashboard and just reblog and tag as they usually do, and people when they ship something will tag any interaction between the characters as ship. So like you said, probably a better idea to put in your original post. I think just adding "please don't tag as ship !" or "this art has platonic intention, so please don't tag as ship !" would actually be perfectly fine, maybe a smiley but i don't think it comes across as rude or mean either way, it's completely reasonable.

Personally I don't think lots of people would mind that sort of boundary, and the people doing it now most likely have no idea you have it. Anyone who does mind such an easy boundary (you aren't even saying shippers cannot reblog! just to not tag!) and gets mad that you put it in the post then is not worth your time.

Hope you have a lovely day and people are more respectful <3

🥹🥹 thank you so much anon !!

There is a lot of you who send me support, I read them all. And I am clearly lucky to be understood ! Thank you

I believe I became more sensitive because of lack of sleep, I usually just block and ignore haha

But yeah it became way too much recently ! I find reconfort by sharing thing I like, and I know there is a public who will find it at their taste(if there is no public, i know there is my friends 🫵💕), and.. true, I always expect there is people who doesn't read original tag. Internet is large, and it is sure there is thing out of my control. Even by rationalize facts, and organised my thought, it is hard to supress my feeling. This my problem, I have to deal with it I guess. But why feeling, as a human, is a problem ? Why do I constantly invalidate my feeling because "I have to expect this" ? And why do I have to constantly justify my feeling and behaviour while I am in my right ? On MY art ?

So that's why I started to put boundaries

And it is not only abt tumblr, but also twitter (twitter is the worst for me haha). I still didn't post my art on instagram because I don't want to feel this much again 😭 irony because instagram is my safest place between all my social media ! And yes !! I know there is plenty of my followers who ship them, and we still interact because shipping is not the problem ? They know my art and post abt them are not abt romance and I do not wish it becomes romance and they respect that !

Ah, I started to rant again, I hope you don't mind 🥹 it is week end, maybe a good sleep will help me to deal everything better !

My day became more lovely thanks to you all support, and I am sincerely grateful again for you taking your time to write me a kind message. Anon, I wish you also have a lovely day, and everything will be good for you, right now in present but also for your future 🫶

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[byanyan]

just a head's up: while I hesitate to call hiatus of any kind bc I want to give myself the freedom to write when I have the energy/focus/etc., I will just note that I'm gonna be even slower than usual around here for... idk, probably for a bit. I'm in the worst state mentally that I think I've ever actually been in and it's uhhhh. it's not great lmao. writing is my main escape & distraction so I don't want to step away from it but doing anything is hard as fuck rn so I'm really not interested in pressuring myself to get shit done when it comes to the hobby I'm supposed to be having fun with. I'll be slow, I'll be selective, and it's possible I'll be dropping a lot of drafts?? maybe?? OR at least like. temporarily removing a bunch from my drafts (to be added back later) just so the number is less big & overwhelming lmao.

thank u guys for ur patience w me & for writing w my glittery lil creature, I appreciate u all sm 💜

[rustycottoncandy]

I somehow made it through the school day running on one hour of sleep

[elysiuminfra]

i am NOT beating the might have ocd allegations

[spoonietimelordy]

had very bad day, leading to a mental breakdown so I'm going to spend tomorrow at my nan.

[c28hunter]

My mom: I don't want you to take anxiety medications, it affects your entire body, taking pills is not the cure

Me: *enters the anxious, depressive episode again, tired all the time, shitty mood* hm, I want to at least try

[marzipanandminutiae]

Marzi how do you not die of frustration dealing with the most self important people on the planet flocking to your posts

In this case? By being secure in the knowledge that I'm right.

Also, you know, I'm dealing with my new landlady being passive-aggressive about furniture she offered to move out of the room I'm renting, due to the whole "nobody told me it was rented furnished until three days ago and I already bought furniture from FB marketplace" situation.

[note-boom]

I was thinking about BSD's female characters again (as one does) and being mildly frustrated that a lot of their trauma comes from being controlled by an outside male source....and then it hit me.

Almost EVERY BSD character has a past and trauma rooted in being controlled or having a lack of control.

Atsushi under the orphanage headmaster. Akutagawa under Dazai. Kyouka under Akutagawa (and keep in mind Koyou helped get her out in the end). Yosano under Mori. Kenji losing control after his best friend dying. Chuuya under the government and then the Port Mafia. Koyou losing control over her freedom thanks to the old boss. Ranpo having no control over his own self and having been isolated from the world. The Hunting Dogs under the government. Sigma under the DoA and the Book. Even Dazai a little (more on that later).....just this persistent theme of people not getting control over their lives.

And you know what that sounds like? Characters in a story being manipulated by an author.

We have this persistent theme of literature and writing and books throughout BSD, after all. And this incessant use of a character having a tragic past rooted in lack of control or losing control and being manipulated by some superior force screams (to me at least) literary imagery. And what's most interesting is that Dazai both is a character and a manipulator.

Of course he's not the only one pulling the strings, as we know. But he does eat up a BIG part of the narrative, I think...a character who previously had no will to seek out anything to do (and thus adopted the values or reasons of the people around him) trying to craft a narrative of his own after the death of his friend. A character essentially trying to become the author (the light novel Beast just makes me wonder more about this, tbh). But also one whose story is told through the stories of other characters.

And what I find interesting about that AND Beast with regards to Dazai is this page from Vol 17...

People writing. The writer including their own self into the story. Being both a character AND an author and in that sense taking control of your own life and your circumstances....

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but I just wanted to really point out that part of a lot of the BSD characters' narratives have to do with this lack of control over their own lives....and we see the ADA full of people trying to take back control. Kunikida and his ideals, Yosano and her healing, Ranpo being the agency's core, Atsushi trying to save people, and Dazai trying to become the author in other people's lives if he can't be the author of his own (his inability to die, you know?).

So my question honestly is just what's the deal with that? Am I making mountains out of molehills or seeing themes and motifs that aren't there? And if not, what does the existence of the Book say about these characters struggling to write their own narratives? (Or the narratives of others, in Dazai's case). Just....literary imagery in BSD and the "toxic" relationship between the author and the character....

[thethingything]

I keep randomly remembering that the reason our brain is especially fucked and a bunch of our symptoms are worse right now is because of like, an avoidable external thing that's chemically affected our nervous system instead of either our symptoms flaring up on their own or some specific stressful event triggering it, and for some reason that keeps making us feel especially bad about it.

like our mental health being bad because of stressful stuff going on and our mental illnesses randomly flaring up both suck, but I can handle our brain just doing its own thing and/or reacting to what's going on around us.

but something about it being a medication that someone else prescribed that's changed the way our brain functions is significantly more distressing in a way I can't put into words properly. a lot of the symptoms we've got (apathy, brain fog, alexithymia, memory problems, etc) are very typical depression and dissociation symptoms, but they're like a weird version of them that feels very different to how we normally experience them.

the only way I can describe the difference in feeling is that it feels more "artificial" but I can't even really describe what I mean by that. if normal brain fog is looking out the window on a foggy day, this is looking out of a window that's been covered with those frosted vinyl sheets. you can't see shit either way, but the feeling is very different.

I just desperately want it to go away. I'm finding it hard to be enthusiastic about things I'm normally excited about no matter how bad our depression gets, and our usual coping mechanisms for getting our brain to register positive things aren't really working because it's not the same underlying mechanism.

it feels like any control I did have over our symptoms and anything I could do to help with them has been stripped away and all I can do is wait it out and hope it fixes itself, and the whole "being given a drug that changes how your brain functions and takes away your control over what your brain is doing" is pretty much the exact phobia I was trying to learn to figure out how to deal with before we get dental work done, and for the dental work it'd be like... idk probably an hour at most, whereas now I'm just stuck dealing with experiencing it 24/7 for an undetermined amount of time

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

Oh fuck benzodiazepines my beloved.....

[jelly-of-many-ships]

Thinking about the time I was having a rly bad panic attack on a youth trip and my councillor was helping me calm down and said that listening to music might help so I opened my phone but tumblr was open and the first thing on my dash was some kinda spicy fanart of characters I didn’t even know and my councillor clearly saw but when I tried to get rid of it I panicked and started swiping everywhere and literally just zoomed in on the art and it was so embarrassing that I literally just put my phone down I said that I don’t think music would help. She never brought it up and I just avoided her the rest of the trip

[anothermonikan]

Have I told you guys about the fucked up dreams I've been having recently? I've been having some fucked up dreams lately. yeah <3

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

[autistic-shaiapouf]

It's 11pm so I know this is influencing my feelings but. make it make sense, no one in this household has beef with me bc 1) I'm never home and 2) I ingratiate myself with everyone so everyone thinks I'm on their side, when in actuality I can't stand any of them. What I am witnessing has me developing more bitterness for other people than my year and a half of customer service has done. Not one person here has a functioning brain and yet expect me to feel pity. To reach out.

Leave.

[artemis-73]

Not to late night vague post about supernatural BUT maybe people view Dean as Jack's dad not because destiel shippers are delusional freaks but because that's how Jack sees him.

In 14x7, Jack specifically seeks to replicate a happy memory Dean had with John. And similarly to how Dean has a complicated relationship with John, Jack has a complicated relationship with Dean. (The biggest difference here is that Dean wasn't Lucifer's super powered atom bomb capable of ending the world as we know it, but that's a conversation for another day.)

Jack consistently seeks validation from Dean in a way he doesn't with other characters (except maybe Cas but also Cas is so soft with Jack that the validation is freely given. Love that for them) From day one, he's copying Dean and wanting to be like him. Their relationship is extremely toxic (just like most things in spn), but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.