#kind of wish i could sing so i could do an english cover of it. it seems like the kind of song that could work

[mothocean]

PinocchioP Don't Kill the Love Song save me

[okaylorrainee]

her way of water

characters. neteyam & female metkayina reader. sully family. tsireya.

synopsis. neteyam and his family left their clan to seek uturu from yours. on their first night, neteyam wanders by the shore to clear his mind. he finds himself away from everyone’s marui pods and comes across you as you bathed - he couldn’t get you out of his mind since then.

contains. aged up characters but only by a few years. timeline and some parts of the plot of the movie may be ignored. sometimes out of character.

note. hello! welcome to my first avatar ff :)! this was supposed to be a one shot, but as i wrote it, i’ve decided one part isn’t enough. sorry if any parts of the story seem weird. i still have a lot to learn about the na’vi. do they even bathe? idk. english is not my first language so please feel free to correct me if i get anything wrong! also, this may be the first avatar ff i’ve ever written and published but it might not be the last so stay tuned!

Ch 01 [ masterlist . next ]

he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. a low grunt left his lips as he sat up in frustration. he looked around and his family was in deep slumber, perhaps due to exhaustion from all of the water training they’ve done all day. he wished he could be the same, then at least he’d silence the sadness he felt from leaving his home. 

neteyam didn’t want to voice it out too much. he knew it was harder for his parents, especially for his mother whose whole life was the forest. he refused to burden the family with his emotions, so he suppressed them, like the responsible eldest son he always was.

he sighed, making his way out of their family pod. he didn’t know where he was going at this time of the night, but he just allowed his feet to keep going. wherever he’d end up, he’d just make sure to find his way back again before the sun rises. because tomorrow was another day to learn the ways of the metkayina, to be one of them. 

neteyam uttered not a single word, and nothing but the sound of waves surrounded him. the breeze accompanied him as he walked, his hair flowing with the wind that the beads braided with them collided every now and then. he found the air relaxing, that every time he inhaled he felt like his lungs were being cleansed from how fresh it was.

awa’atlu was indeed a very beautiful place, but neteyam adored his clan’s forest more.

neteyam found himself by the edge of the shore. beside him stood the palm trees that formed the forest he has yet to explore. thinking he had gone too far away from the village, neteyam was about to turn and walk back, until he heard low humming come from his left, the parallel of the village’s front. 

curious, he carefully approached and followed the sound. the humming got louder as he got closer. and soon, a figure came into view in front of him. it was a silhouette of a metkayina na’vi, waist deep within the water, staring into the vast ocean in front of her.

neteyam hadn’t felt his eyes gape at the sight of her. she was undressed, nothing but her long hair covering parts no one but only her future mate should see. her skin was wet and the freckles all around her body made her glow. this kind of scene should not be new to him, after all, he too had freckles that glowed in the dark. but for some reason, neteyam seemed to be so mesmerized by her that he found it hard to look away. only when her whispers of singing reached his ears once more did he realize that he was staring at this naked na’vi woman. he immediately turned away and hid behind a palm tree.

neteyam’s cheek burned from embarrassment. just what was he doing? but actually, what was she doing? at this time of the night while the rest of the clan was asleep, she was here apparently bathing at the opposite side of the village’s island. for someone who spends so much time in the water, this metkayina woman had the thought of washing herself in the middle of the night - neteyam found it a bit odd.

however, he stood still from his spot. he didn’t want to walk away, he was curious as to what she might be up to. this wasn’t weird, right? it’s not like he was watching her. he was simply… waiting.

a couple of minutes passed but nothing else happened. she continued doing whatever it was she was doing by the water, creating small splashing sounds here and there while humming another song different from the previous one. this whole time, neteyam was leaning on the tree, staring at the sand and doing nothing. but he had to admit, instead of being bored out of his mind, he enjoyed his time listening to her voice.

soon enough another gentle splash came from behind him, it sounded different from the ones before, indicating that she might be leaving the water. neteyam felt a sudden wave of nervousness, worried she might find him. so without looking back, he quickly ran to the direction of the village, moving carefully to not alert her of his presence.

it had been long since then. hours had passed and the sun had risen. neteyam and his siblings were once again under the care of the olo’eyktan’s children to learn about metkayina customs. today, they were polishing their riding skills with ilus.

tsireya and her brother were watching the sullys from near the shore, both mounted on their ilu companions. ao’nung spent most of the time snickering as he watched lo’ak fail over and over, and tsireya would smack him to make him stop. she flashes a gentle smile to lo’ak when he peeks to look in her direction, and he nods at her trying to appear cool before getting thrown off once more for losing focus. she giggled, lo’ak appeared very cute to her.

tsireya shifted her eyes to the others. kiri and tuk, who were accompanied by ao’nung’s friend, rotxo, seemed to be doing better than their brother. tsireya noticed how kiri appeared to be a natural at everything they have taught them so far, and she thinks it may be because of the special kind of connection kiri had with nature. but tsireya didn’t comment on it any further, she had only met them yesterday.

meanwhile, neteyam was alone on the far right of the group. tsireya noted how neteyam was quick to adapt and learn, and that it wasn’t difficult to teach him. compared to his brother, neteyam took things slow at first and it made him grasp the idea of riding the ilus easily. 

tsireya hadn’t missed how distracted neteyam looked today. he was paused above the water, staring at it in deep thought as he held his ilu in place. tsireya wondered if something was wrong, so she motioned her ilu to swim to neteyam’s direction.

“hey, neteyam.” she said to catch his attention.

the said man lightly jolted before turning to her. “oh, tsireya, hey.”

her brows furrowed in worry. “is everything alright, neteyam? it seems like you are unable to concentrate today.”

neteyam’s cheeks flushed. “i am okay, tsireya. there is no need to worry.” 

she hummed, still not convinced. “well, alright. but if there is anything we can help you with, let us know.” she turned to swim away. but before she could get farther, neteyam called her.

“actually, tsireya, there is something that’s been on my mind for hours now.” he started. “but you must not let anyone know.”

curious, tsireya went closer to him. “what is it?”

he let out a deep breath before shooting her eyes a serious look. “last night as i was taking a walk by the shore, i came across a woman who was alone at the opposite side of the village.”

tsireya pulled away in shock and interest. “metkayina? what was she doing?”

neteyam nodded then gestured for her to lean closer again. he whispered, “she was bathing, i think.”

“bathing? that is strange.” she tilted her head in confusion. “did you approach her?”

neteyam shook his head. “no. i could not bring myself to interrupt her. she was undressed after all. how would she react if a man came to her while in such a state?”

tsireya nodded in thought, agreeing to what he said. “you are right. did you see what she looked like?”

neteyam sighed. “no, but i listened to her sing.” he spoke. “she has one of the most beautiful voices i have ever heard. her tone almost made me fall asleep from how relaxed i was, you see. and her skin,” he sighed once again, “tsireya, i had only caught a glimpse of it because i had to turn away. but i could not forget how divine she looked around the glow of the bioluminescence surrounding her.”

tsireya couldn’t hide the smirk that was growing from her lips as she listened to him talk. when she didn’t respond, neteyam turned away in embarrassment when he realized what he was saying. tsireya covered her lips and giggled. “so, you have developed a crush on this woman you saw last night. is that it, neteyam?”

“be quiet, tsireya! the others might hear you.” he scouted the surroundings and saw that everyone else was still busy with their training. “but… i don’t know for sure. i told you because i don’t know what she looks like, and i am hoping that you might know who she is.”

tsireya shook her head. “i am sorry, neteyam. i do not know who you are talking about.”

a slight frown becomes visible on his face. neteyam’s shoulders dropped in defeat. “oh. that’s okay.”

“but hey, do not worry.” she placed a hand on his arm as a gesture to comfort him. “i will help you look for her. there is not anyone in this village i am not familiar with. perhaps with more details, we can figure out who she is.”

neteyam gives her a small smile. “thank you, tsireya.”

she smiles back. 

loud laughter from everyone else in the group interrupted their conversation - lo’ak had fallen off his ilu once again because ao’nung had taunted him. tsireya and neteyam exchanged looks before heading to the commotion.

-

tsireya enjoyed spending time with the sullys. she thought they were a very fun bunch. when they arrived, her days became something she started to look more forward to.

because she believed this arrangement would be permanent from now on, she thought it would be important for an acquaintance of hers to be introduced to the sullys as well. it would happen eventually anyway since they would become fellow clan members soon. 

also, tsireya believed this acquaintance of hers would be a great addition to the sullys’ circle, especially from all the trouble her brother and his friends were bringing them. tsireya was sure that a kind and open-minded na’vi would make her new friends feel more welcome. that, and she needed another capable hand to help teach the sullys better.

“sister, are you here?” tsireya peeked inside the marui of her friend.

you turned your head to her direction, away from the new top you were working on. a smile appears on your face when you see your friend. “tsireya, it is nice to see you.”

©️ okaylorrainee 2023. please do not re-upload, translate my content anywhere without permission.

ch 01 [ masterlist . next ]

[brynnterpretations]

I hope you feel better soon! 💙 Thank you for all that you do for the fandom! I especially love your headcanons!

Would it be alright to request a The Boys ship? I'm a bi girl with blue hair, blue eyes, freckles, and im covered in tattoos. I love reading and writing (like so much lol), I bake, swim and listen to all genres of music (and sing along horribly!). I'm in school studying to be an English teacher and I'd love to be a writer on the side. I'm really shy and quiet, I try to be as kind as possible, though I come off sarcastic/use sarcasm as flirting. I try to be as optimistic as possible too. I adore horror movies and carry at least two books with me wherever I go. I could go on forever about my favorites. The beach is my happy place and I hope to move closer to the ocean after I graduate! My favorite colors are blue and yellow and green. I love studying languages and am trying to learn as many as possible (I speak three and im studying two more). I live for poetry tho I am awful as writing it. I'm a Ravenclaw and my intelligence is really important to me :) I love learning so much, I have such a great passion for it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! 💙 Again I hope you feel better soon!!!

Blue heart anon! I totally forgot to mention I would like to be shipped with a guy from The Boys. My apologies! So sorry about that! 💙

Thank you so, so much for the kind words and well wishes! This brought a smile to my face, and you seem like an absolute sweetheart. Also... we have a lot in common, so DM me if you'd ever want to be mutuals (hope that's not weird). I hope you like this and thank you for the request!

I ship you with...

Frenchie ♡

Boyfriend

GIF Source: @vcugifs ★ (link)

You and Frenchie meet in line at the Jitter Bean near the hideout. He strikes a conversation with you because you seem interesting — the guy loves tattoos, both for the artistry and what people usually do to get them, and when he spots a book in your bag, he gets pretty curious.

After you both order your coffee and head over to the pick-up counter (bro's not going to slow down the line), he starts a conversation with you, asking you about the meaning of one of your tattoos.

Through that, you two have a pretty good conversation, where he's able to glean what books you like and dislike. From that, he very smoothly asks if you'd like to go out to a nearby secondhand bookstore around the corner once the weekend swings by.

After that, he gets your number — he typically has a policy of "ask for date first, then number" — and then takes you on a date to the secondhand bookstore. Through that, you learn about each other's tastes, and he falls even harder, especially because of your taste in poetry. He's mostly a Neruda, Mistral, and Huidobro guy, and whether you share the same tastes, he'll love getting to know your style.

He'll sneak-buy you a book (as well as paying for anything you choose, because he's a gentleman), and throughout the talking stage and dates, would surprise you with books you like or have mentioned getting.

Frenchie likes horror, but is pretty limited in his tastes; mostly, he likes the old-school stuff (he's a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock's more suspenseful work, even if it's not up to today's horror standards) so he gets a far more expansive

While the dude would be shell-shocked at first, because even if he's seen his fair share of violence IRL, seeing it on the screen would be a lot (like, people do this for fun?)... he'd start to really, really love it, especially because you're able to explain what makes you passionate about it and any plot points/motifs/etc. he missed.

But... he'd grow to love it. He'd definitely become one of those people who shout "you're an idiot, don't go in there/do that!" in any films you watch (in a French accent, of course).

Absolutely adores your sense of humor, especially because it allows him to banter, and the guy loves banter.

After six or more dates, he'd ask you to be official upfront, likely over a meal cooked by him and a well-worded talk about how much he values you, your kindness, and your intelligence in his life. And, when you say yes?

Expect queen treatment.

He's a very physical person, so he'll always have an arm around you or a hand in yours, as long as you're comfortable with it.

Loves, loves, loves your freckles, calling them "petites constellations" and kissing them, no matter how cheesy it is.

Loves picking up things for you that remind him of you, whether big or small, particularly seashells that they sell at those hippie nature stores (he goes to them to stock up on incense) and, as mentioned, books.

I'll be honest: Frenchie is actually really, really scared of the ocean (I mentioned this in another ship, but it's because the expansiveness freaks him out), but he'd try his best to get over it — or at least reduce it — for you. On special occasions, he'd take you to the NYC beaches, and while... a bit awkward... he'd put on ocean documentaries and the like since you're a very intellectual person.

Is insanely into you learning other languages, and would love to sit by your side when you learn them. Also would 100% encourage you to learn French, even if you only learned a couple phrases.

And, on that note: does not care if you sing songs "badly", the guy thinks it's the cutest, most beautiful thing ever. If there are any

Frenchie doesn't have any tattoos due to not really having the time to get them, and would very curiously ask you about yours. He loves how they look, and based on your advice on the best tattoo shops, would get one as long as you were by his side.

Also mentioned in a lot of ships and also his dating HCs is his complete openness about The Boys. He'd introduce you to them once you became official and bring you around as much as he could, as long as it didn't put you in any danger.

That brings us to...

The Boys ☻

Friends

GIF Source: @homielander ★ (link)

Kimiko loves you (and I was really, really close to shipping y'all until I got the second message). She thinks you are the sweetest person, and, like Frenchie, digs that you know multiple other languages.

She's not that judgmental of a person, IMO, and would teach you as many signs as she could, and wordlessly, kindly adjust anything you did wrong.

Kimiko doesn't have much interest in horror movies, mainly because she's seen enough of it herself, but really, really loves novels, and horror novels in particular. She'd seek out a lot of recommendations in you and recommend you some herself; she's a big fan of Stephen King, particularly Pet Sematary.

And, unlike Frenchie? The woman loves the ocean, and would 100% go there with you as much as she could to have picnics with you.

Butcher loves you (platonically), particularly because of your sense of humor. He really enjoys people who are sarcastic and hardworking — it's how he and M.M. bonded in the first place, even though they have disagreements now that both have started pretty different lives — and loves to banter with you.

And, like Kimiko, will seek recommendations from you (except for movies, not books)... and, when you give them to him, he will turn them off, and wonder what on Earth is going on in your brain.

While the man faces a lot of horrors IRL, they are real, and not... that... so he'd definitely be confused, but would have a lot of respect for you, because... what the fuck. Not a lot of people can make him think that, at least in a "they're a good person, but what did I just get myself into" way, opposed to "they're a bad person, and what did I just get myself into". Butcher likes that. When you're dealing with Homelander, that is refreshing.

He wouldn't ask you to hang out outside when you visit The Boys, but if you ever stayed over while Frenchie was working on a recipe, he'd go out of his way to talk to you.

Annie struggles a lot with writing — she's well-spoken, but not well-worded, if that makes sense — so she'd start talking to you more intentionally once she became in charge of the Starlight Foundation. Of course, she would introduce herself to you upfront, but she's a busy woman, and wouldn't have a lot of time to talk to you one-on-one.

Through that, you two would become close. Both platonically and romantically (purely platonic for you), she has a thing for artsy types, and would think you're the most genuine, sweet person ever. Like Kimiko, she'd make a constant effort to hang out with you, mostly at coffee shops or, during late nights, at the Starlight Foundation, where she'd order takeout on her just to talk.

She really clicks with her sense of humor, particularly because she can sense the vibe of you being a sweet personat heart, and would also be another to banter with you.

(And, on one night where she had a bit too much to drink, even as a Midwesterner, would confide in you her fears about going to college and seek advice. She'd apologize to you the day after, but feel proud that the woman confided something to you that she had't even confided in Hughie).

Hughie would have more free-time with you, and would like you a lot (especially with Annie talking you up, which she does 24/7 — that woman would die for you). Unlike the others, while Hughie would respect your interests, he's terrified of horror (he caught a glimpse of "Alien: Resurrection" when he was young and it really, really scared him, to the point he can't engage in horror-SciFi, or even horror in general) so he wouldn't engage... but he would love to hear your recommendations for books, and would essentially start a "The Boys Book Club" with you.

He's really, really not a reader, but he wants to be, and he'll take your advice like Jesus'.

M.M. would start out pretty reserved, but would open up to you a lot more the more you swung around, mainly because he needs familiarity before he really opens up, but would become a friend after a good month or two.

He wouldn't be as close of a friend as Kimiko or Annie, but he'd be a friend, for sure. He really, really loves your kind nature — it's a refreshing change of pace in "The Boys" Universe — and, as a huge reader, would love to hear your taste in books and any recommendations.

M.M. is also an extremely well-regarded and popular user on Goodreads, so if you have it, he would follow you, promote you, and constantly interact with your posts.

All in all: Frenchie loves you, and so do the rest of The Boys. Keep being you.

[divinisions]

TUYU - Nevertheless It Rains || ツユ - それでも雨は降るんだね

"Might as well get used to being drenched"

Nevertheless it rains

Holding out my hand to the sky

Now, I'm-

singing out my sorrow, cowered in the wind's embrace

From far away, a dream the sound of wind chimes [1]

This clear sky scenery overflows my heart

Day and night by the window, lost in reverie

I can't stop yawning

The class dismissal chime resounds

Such boisterous underachievers

I had forgotten my umbrella

"Ah, oh well"

Nevertheless it rains

Might as well get used to being drenched

Now, I'm-

singing out my sorrow, cowered in the wind's embrace

I can't push through this

I really, really wish I could

But oh well, I know it'll never come to be

Nevertheless it rains

Precious loafers all covered in mud

Took up my position at the familiar end of the bus stop

Head hung low

It's always, always just me

It's comforting

Love also, dreams as well, bonds too

It's all drowning in the rain

Pastel colored-

cute little teru teru bozu [2]

Now, I'm-

taking a stroll on the sandy beach shore

The feeling of walking barefoot resembles a summer memory

Overcast sky, the smell of altostratus clouds

Stirring up both fuzzy and vivid memories

Time to take a break under the shade of rocks

This may be my last chance

What an impatient moron

I had forgotten my umbrella

"Ah, oh well"

Nevertheless it rains

On my walk back home

Now, I'm-

still searching for something I lost

I don't understand

I really, really wish I could

But oh well, I know it'll never come to be

Nevertheless it rains

I never wore that raincoat I'd bought, but-

I prefer to dress lightly anyway

I had broken into a run

It's always, always just me

It's pleasant

Love also, dreams as well, bonds too

Forget it all, run, run, run! - I fell over

Nevertheless it rains

The sun begins to set, but-

you can't see it anyway

I do nothing but cry, it will always be a constant

It's so frustrating

"Revolution"

Nevertheless it rains

Might as well get used to being drenched

Now, I'm-

singing out my sorrow, cowered in the wind's embrace

I want to move on

If I really, really wish I could

Would it come true? I'll always be alone

Nevertheless it rains

Daybreak will end the night before long

Now, the sunrise-

arrogantly emulates the image of you

I won't give in

I really, really wish I could

If this can't reach you

I'll just have to take hold of you

Love also, dreams as well, bonds too

It's what makes the world smile-

seven prismatic colors with all its might

[1] - a few lines use "pillow words" which usually don't have concrete meanings and are flexible depending on the author's intent, (kind of similar to epithets in english) typically used for decorative purposes in certain forms of classic japanese literature. i've interpreted them the best i can, but i admittedly don't know all too much about classical poetry.

[2] - a "teru teru bozu" is a good luck charm so to speak. they are little cloth dolls usually hung up near windows that act as a sort of prayer for good weather. they can also have the opposite effect when hung upside down for bad weather.

[insect0idfreakaz0id]

can u give us a fun facts about wandeer please.................

YES I WOULD LOVE TO

some are like "headcanons" in a way and subject to change so I'll mark those with a *

• wander likes to do arts and crafts. he has hand puppets of him & klaus and he does a lot of drawings and paintings (which he isn't that good at). he also likes to sing/dance but doesn't do it very often (partially a nod to his first design being a singing/performing robot and not a weaponized robot)

• he has a lot of random collections (?) of things. he has a wall with several cat posters on it ("hang in there" posters mostly) drawers filled with stuff, he just likes to collect things.

• (continuation of previous) he also has a wall of crosses/crucifix, other religious symbols for protection, good luck charms, etc. wander is not religious but it's rather out of superstition and having delusions related to religion *

• he has pretty long hair, it stays pinned up under the box until he takes it off. despite not really needing to wear it anymore, he still feels like he does need to / that he needs his face to stay hidden, and also that it has become part of him now

• wanders boots are from his old job. his lab coat was from Klaus, back when he was alive, he gave one to wander while he was teaching them. wander modified it to fit more tightly around the body and flow outwards because he thought it otherwise looked a little too professional; though wander has an entire outfit taken from Klaus as well (after death) and uses that one to operate. the lab coat is not modified.

• wanders box has been with him for a while. he took it with him when he left Klaus to cover his face and has kept it since then.

• he is superstitious

• he's placed bells around most of the doors in his lab/house to alert him when someone enters

• wander isn't a "dumb" character, he was built knowing most things. it's more than his mind is constantly elsewhere, he has little opportunity to do anything with that knowledge, and he is (in current state) almost always frazzled or paranoid to some extent

• he knows most languages and is fluent in a few (english, Spanish, ASL). english was his first, as that's what Klaus speaks

• wander's physical damage is all on one side because Klaus repeatedly hit wander on that side while fighting him. he did not hit the other one

• he is ambidextrous

• wanders story currently has 3-4 potential canon endings - one where he continues to live as he did in the 15 years past klaus' death, one where he stops trying to carry on in life and lays without moving until he rots/degrades (like death but he's still aware and conscious), one where he gets worse, and one where he gets better. (there are also some noncanon joke endings I've considered) *

• I've purposely not labeled wanders mental state (not only because I'm afraid people will think I'm trying to make those with mental disorders look evil, but he's a robot, so it's kind of difficult) but it would be closest to schizoaffective [bipolar type 1], and potentially autism & hypersexuality — those two weren't intentional but something I've considered *

• more of one I regularly mention, but wander has a lot of human organs that he surgically transplanted into himself. none of them are arranged correctly, most of them are upside down, as in his heart is around the stomach area and his kidneys are in his chest. he does his own surgeries and stitches up himself

• wander is strictly against harming kids. I've had a lot of people think wander doesn't like kids / that he hates them, but he does like them and will refuse to hurt them in any way & tries his best not to do so unintentionally because his childhood wasn't good, and he doesn't wish that harm on any other children. if any did decide to come to his lab, he would try to take care of them as best as he could

• wander is not evil and does not enjoy killing. he killed Klaus, but still felt bad about it. he would not kill someone purposely without a lot of reason behind it. he is afraid of people (as in humans) but still wishes for friends and company, and wouldn't hurt/kill anyone without a reason (like them threatening him first)

• it is difficult to work out wanders age because of him being a robot, but after the 15 years of sitting alone, he is 42 years old. he was 27 when he killed Klaus. (I still need to work on how to word age for robots because it's not the same as a human or living animal of course)

• wander has been through multiple divorces (3 at least)

• he is genderfluid, pansexual, and aromantic (questioned him being something like cupioromantic before but it's not final). he uses all/any pronouns (though I mostly use "he" to talk about wander because mixing them can be confusing and only recently I've changed wanders pronouns from being she/her for several years to being all/any)

• he has a favorite tool/weapon that he brings with him everywhere, and it is a saw with a red handle. (I've questioned wander being objectum before but not finalized it; though he is affectionate and caring towards this weapon in specific rather than others, I've not decided on whether it's because it's his favorite or if it's because of something else)

• his neck and arms are attached by strong magnets. they're detachable, but not by human strength *

Ummm yeah thatis kind of a bunch but he's been around about 7 years now I think about him a lot and he's the most developed so 👍👍 I hope that is awesome THANK YOU

[dojae-huh]

SM Rookies

I've watched a lot of NCT content (mostly 127 related), more than most fans, but there are still gaps. I'm not a geek type of a person, I don't need to know absolutely everything about something I enjoy. I covered the basics (all MVs, all albums, the beginning, the pre-debut info, etc) and left the rest to "when I have time and mood".

As 127 slowed down with their content releases, the last unit was formed to wrap up the NCT project, and the military era is upon us, now I have the motivation to catch up with the past.

I generally know SMRookie era, but I haven't watched the programmes (Rookies and EXO, Disney Micky Mouse club). I'll start with a recap. (There are fandom Wiki-s, so google for more details yourself)

SMRookies. The idea was launched in 2013. And it was still kind of alive during the introduction of new neos. Shotaro and Sungchan were promoted in the same manner (promotion without being in a fixed unit), and NCT Wish went though the preparatory period like old neos did with SM Rookies Show (small venue concerts around Japan with song covers to practice working on the stage and gather first supporters).

In a sense. The Rookies system is like SM's own idol survival show. K-pop fans get to know the trainees, watch them perform, but the debut of the participants isn't guaranteed. The system is probably obsolete by now. The field of k-pop and promotional tactics have changed. NCT Wish might be the last who participated in it. The new gg which should debut in 2024 will show.

Rookies were introduced in groups over a few years.

2013

December 2nd, SM announced Seulgi, Taeyong, Jeno. 

December 9th - Irene, Jaehyun, and Lami.

December 16th - Hansol, Mark, and Jisung.

December 23th - Johnny, Yuta, and Ten.

Lami and Hansol didn't make it as idols. Lami started as a child actress and is now also listed as an actress signed to SM. Hansol left SM, debuted with Newkidd, he finished the military and is now teaching dance in Australia. He says he will comeback to Korea, he is on a break (Newkidd has been on a prolonged hiatus, Hansol clings to his dream, but I doubt anything will pan out in the future).

Hansol's case was always curious to me. He was a part of the A-team and SM Rookies, i.e. he was chosen by SM, and yet he is the only one who didn't end up in NCT. I think Shohei will repeat his fate. Other neos greet him on music award shows, but can't talk about him in NCT content and lives. He was erased.

Why he never made it? He wasn't the best of the best. He was only a dancer, he was tall and handsome, but there were no spots left for him in 127. And he couldn't debut with WayV as a Korean after the Chinese ban on Korean celebreties performing in the country. Johnny had English and ties to US, Yuta had ties to Japan, Jungwoo could sing and was more charming, Sungchan (very much the same idol type, I think) was younger.

Still, was it a problem to add him to 127 together with JohnDo? He wasn't popular enough? SM didn't see a potential after a trial period? He was liked by everyone, it's hard to imagine there being a conflict with other neos.

Frankly, watching the content with him, I don't think NCT lost anything. He doesn't have the spark. Evenso, it is still a lesson of how unpredictable the path to success can be.

The Rookies introduced in 2013 (only the hyung line) + Taeil + Yong Ju performed on SMTown week show (Hansol in red). Another performance.

Yong Ju left on his own very soon. He wasn't interested in NCT concept. Never became an official Rookie.

The difference between Taeil's and Doyoung's first stages is also interesting to me. Both are the "glee club boys", who joined an idol agency to be able to sing, who always were rivals during trainee days as top vocalists. However, Doyoung joined later (wasn't ready for SMTown), was kept hidden, and was introduced as an MC. Different set of talents, different time, different approach at promotion. (Do came in with the experience of student body vice-president and all his talkative skills).

2014

March 19th - Wendy

July 17 - Donghyuk (later Haechan)

The officially introduced Rookie batch was promoted here and there. A site was launched, Rookies did short YT introductory videos. Solo performances were uploaded as well. (you can find them all on SM main YT channel)

"TY track" Tae's moniker is thanks to his feature in an earlier Red Velvet song. As you see, RV and NCT were sister/brother group originally (it's more of aespa/NCT now, lol). The connection allowed for stages like Tae+Seulgi.

Johnny, Irene, Taeyong, Seulgi

Most importantly, the lore of NCT began with Taeyong's "Open the door" on July 21st.

2015

January 15th - Doyoung

April 22th - Jaemin

July 9th - Koeun, Hina, and Herin

October 13th - Taeil

December 18th - Kun

Instantly after introduction Do joined Jae for ShowChamp as MC for half a year.

Same as Taeil, Jaemin performed on SMRookies events prior to being officially announced as a Rookie. Taeil was removed from dances pretty early. The routines became difficult, the special videos showcased the dance line only. Kun's introducation (and his participation in Without U, Chinese version) meant LSM was serious about launching a Chinese and a Japanese unit soon after 127.

The girls participated in Micky Mouse club together with Dreamies, but none of them debuted with SM (Herin left early, but, it seems, Koeun and Hina waited for aespa, but weren't selected).

Koeun played alongside Jungwoo in Yesung's "Paper Umbrella" MV.

More of dance videos uploaded on YT. Ten&Jaehyun played in the Hope Basketball All-Star basketball games and Yuta replaced Minho at MBC Idol Star Games (football).

In August - first Rookies Shows. Every boy who had been introduced so far. + Taeil. Lol, they just forgot they hadn't officially debuted him and remembered postfactum. Does the ceremony have anything to do with contracts?

Here is where the first divide lies. Chenle, Renjun, WinWin are yet to join SM. Kun didn't participate. It's why Renjun wasn't close to Doyoung before NCT2020, why Ten is close to 127.

SMRookies show gave us Tende unit and the song "Timeless", as well as the TaeDo single (written by Tae) that later was released as "Lightbulb" in 2020 with additional neos on the track. If you ever wondered why in Japan Johnny gets birthday cakes in the form of a fish, it's because of "Under the sea".

2016

January 5th - WinWin

September 19th - Yiyang and Ningning

The first NCT lore videos (Origin, Synchronization of your dreams, 7th sense) were released Jan-Feb. Taeil released his famous "apada gwenchana" OST.

LSM really wanted a member to pull in Chinese audience, heh. WW got in SM late and was inserted in all promo material right away. Yiyang left SM and is in a Chinese idol group now.

Yuta participated in another football game. And got a magazine feature in April.

Ten wasn't forgotten. Thai magazine (scans and translation).

SMRookies finished last SMRookie shows in Thailand in February. SM was gearing up for NCT unit debuts in Spring and Summer.

Johnny played a DG set October 2016. By then he was already part of 127 (not officially). I'm making a point out of Yuta and Johnny's promotions because the fandom likes to say they never got anything.

Lucas, Jungwoo, Xiaojun, YangYang, Hendery, Seunghan, Eunseuk, Shohei. I think Sungchan and Shotaro skipped the phase as they debuted as part of NCT without prior introduction. Same as Chenle and Renjun.

So, to sum it up.

Practically all Rookie boys debuted. Didn't make it: Hansol, Shohei. Lucas and Seunghan debuted but were lost due to scandals. Shotaro and Sungchan relocated not just to another unit, but to another group.

The official NCT lore lost 4 dreamers (italics). This story isn't without its victims.

Half of the girls didn't make it. aespa has only 4 members afterall, heh. (seems like the new gg will have 8-9)

Finally. The end and the new beginning. NCT Wish implementation to the lore.

[notfoundfootage]

Milk of the Siren

The Lost Boys (plus Star) x Fem!Siren!Reader Mermaid (noun): a fictitious or mythical half-human sea creature with the head and trunk of a human and the tail of a fish, conventionally. DO NOT REPOST/PLAGIARIZE A/N: Fem reader, reader has magical singing, reader is omnivorous, eats people, I wrote this with a mershark in mind. Slight gore and slight mention of mershark eating sea animals and humans, nothing too much repulsive I hope. Second person writing in the intro. Reader is a siren/manipulating little cunt, so I'll put dubcon just to be safe. I wrote an intro and each boy separately but it can be read as Poly too. Hope you enjoy, reblogs are always inspiring ♥ English is not my first language and I'm my own beta reader, so forgive me or warn me of my mistakes. This is a kind of a big project for me, so I'll take some time to write and maybe I'll change some things story wise along the way, I'm accepting suggestions, send me an ask! ♥

Siren's Pov:

Summertime in Santa Carla was always chaotic and full of bugs and tourists. Bustling music, adrenaline filled rides, delicious food and that forever fever dream state that the scorching heat and a dangerous amount of beach could provide. During modern times, millennia-old creatures and legends adapted very well in the so-called "murder capital of the world" and basked in the benefits of the newfound diversity of humans, blending well with many different styles and ways of life.

It is known of the exceptional vampire clan lead by an unseemly video shop owner and it's unnatural offspring, as they keep the first place in manslaughter, but humans usually tend to choose to see what they want to see, and blame it on other humans, substances or any convenient cause that would put vampires as an option. They thrive on human blissful ignorance, just like you.

You've been to many places in the world, and many years you lived disguised between other sharks and humans. Changing between a tail and legs at will, seeking as much if not the same blood lust of vampires, you lured people to the sea like you were the brightest light a moth could fly into only to eat them and leave only bones buried in the depths.

Humans see things as they wish to see. And they see the beauty you carry around, even if you think of yourself as having mundane or common appearance, there's just a glamorous and mysterious allure to you, and when you sing, all is damned for them.

That's how you end up in manipulating your way into singing in the boardwalk stage itself, driving the usually loud and boisterous crowd to it's complete opposite: silent and attentive.

You would always disappear after your little displays of magical talent, and snatch away one or two per week, feeding of human food whenever you didn't feel so much hunger, and snacking on hidden parts you hid for later.

Tonight was no different. A mershark can live off fast food and sugary drinks for so long before feeling blood lust again, and fight with other sharks or other merfolk for whale remains is always more tiring than fun.

Quickly scanning your usual spot on the beach for privacy, you changed in the water from tail to legs, a slight ache in your lungs from the transformation that faded as you breathed the air of the sky. You squished the water out of your hair and walked to the hiding spot you kept your human stuff such as clothes, accessories and mementos of decades ago.

The moon was full and your power to the maximum. Tonight is your night.

Star's pov (IN PROGRESS):

She could say her life was fun as a half-vampire, and it was mostly true. But being bait became boring night after night, and Star started to resent becoming a vampire. Until she noticed you dancing to a street artist cover of some song from Fleetwood Mac. You hummed along the lyrics and she suddenly wanted to become whatever you were, because deep down she knew you weren't human.

Paul's pov (IN PROGRESS):

He was about to go into Max's store to mess around but then he saw a glimpse of something in the crowd. That was enough to pull him away from the boys and go search for it. The person wearing a stupid 81's Walkman, humming to the tape they were currently listening to. As you walk past him to the main stage, he follows you like his life depends on it.

Marko's pov (IN PROGRESS):

Sharing a body isn't his usual trait, but seeing you covered in it mesmerized him to a point it feels weird to talk about. He pulls you in for a deep kiss, tasting metallic in your mouth and basking in your bloodied body. He wants to share everything with you, do things for you, eat you up too. You would eat each other if David didn't pull you apart.

Dwayne's pov (IN PROGRESS):

Nothing phases him so much at this point in his life, and having you sing to him songs he thought he would never hear again did things in his usually down to earth mind that made him actually wary of you. He could see how much you were alluring, and how big the grasp you had on his non-beating heart, how dangerous it was, but he was willing to risk it all for having you sit on his lap and sing to him again.

David's pov (IN PROGRESS):

He hated trying to thread control with you. He hated how you were trying to steal everyone from him. He hated the grasp you had on him every time you traded sharp looks and fought for control, only to give to you willingly. You fight, you run away, and he begs to you to come back.

Michael's pov? Anyone?

[ridiasfangirlings]

Idol K Sarumi! Yata reaches acceptance/resignation about Fushimi's 'betrayal' with Totsuka and Kusanagi's help. In the process, they put together the most epic cover of Journey's 'Separate Ways', specifically for Yata's voice. Once released, it's a hit of crazy proportions for multiple and obvious reasons. Fushimi's reaction?

Somehow just imagining Yata doing this very very 80s song amuses me, imagine him just getting to rock it out. Say after Fushimi leaves Homra record label Yata's initially super upset and for a while he and Fushimi are probably debuting dueling broken heart/betrayal songs. Even though he was initially angry though Yata slowly starts accepting it more, maybe seeing how much more alive Fushimi seems on stage now that he's with Scepter 4 vs when he was in Homra. It's like the spark that was there when they were a duo has come back and that helps Yata realize that maybe Fushimi was never happy in Homra after all. He still can't forgive Fushimi for breaking things off with him so painfully but at the same time he's starting to feel like he understands why Fushimi left and he wants to reconcile, he just doesn't know how.

Totsuka and Kusanagi happen to be listening as Yata records his next heartbreak-ish song and Kusanagi says it feels like something is missing in the recording. Totsuka gets this understanding look as he says this isn't the song Yata wants to sing is it. Yata admits that he's been struggling to write a new song, something that can let Fushimi know that even if Fushimi doesn't want to be friends anymore Yata will still be there for him. He feels like yeah, he's still heartbroken but he's also kinda understanding and he wishes there was a way he could convey in his music what he's feeling. Totsuka gets this grin as he says he has an idea, he's been getting into older English songs lately because he wanted to try something new and he thinks this song might work for Yata. He plays the song for Yata and at first Yata's kinda unsure because the beat is cool but he has no idea what any of those words mean because he doesn't speak English. Kusanagi translates for him and Yata's eyes widen, this is just what he needed.

So Yata ends up releasing this epic cover of an 80s song by Journey, maybe they translated most of it into Japanese but left the chorus in English for flavor – and in part because Yata knows that Fushimi can speak English, and will definitely understand it. The song becomes a major hit and imagine Yata doing the rounds on talk shows, mentioning that he wanted to sing this song in order to 'let a stubborn idiot know how I feel.' Of course this is how Fushimi finds out about it, at first he refuses to listen to the song because why would he want to listen to idiot Misaki's worthless songs (even though he always listens to them all eventually, and owns all Yata's albums and singles). The first time he listens imagine him just sitting there in silence, letting the words sink in as his fists clench and his nails dig into his palms. I imagine him not wanting to believe this at all, like even with what Yata's said on TV, even though it's so obvious to everyone else, Fushimi still can't believe that Yata's trying to convey these kinds of feelings to him, until a few days later when a disc copy of the single arrives at his apartment with a note written in Yata's obvious handwriting, reading 'just listen to it, okay?'.

[supercantaloupe]

rent in concert thoughts

rent has never sounded this good musically speaking. HUGE fan of the symphonic orchestrations. bro they got a harp and an english horn in there. in RENT! it's perfect

plus the sweeping strings and big brass sound reminds me so much of the orchestrations of the golden age and mid-late 20th century musical theater orchestration style and i have such a soft spot for that, i really really enjoyed that much

conductor was a ton of fun to watch he was just grooving up there on the podium the whole time

i love that they did a short orchestral medley as an overture at the top of the concert. do not love that the audience chattered away during the whole first part of it but i haven't yet perfected my mind powers to be able to shut them the hell up yet. alas.

dear gd when the audience started to clap along at the beginning of la vie boheme i was like. SHUT THE FUCK UP. thankfully it petered out fairly quickly but like what were you guys THINKING

actually i think opera has spoiled me a bit now because the audience needing to stop and clap and cheer for So Long after Every Single Number. kind of exhausting lmao. let's get on with it guys.

performance wise ali stroker was the star. i went in expecting that. and i was right <3 her delivery of "'THE ONLY WAY OUT IS UP!!!' she whispered." or whatever the line was in over the moon was genuinely funny. hard scene to pull off without being extremely annoying about it but ali stroker manages to pull it off! go queen!

there were a lot of wheelchair users in the audience tonight i noticed and i have no doubt a big reason why they were here was to see her. good for them tbh

okay i normally don't like to rag on performers much but i really. did not like the guy who was playing benny LOL. i just did not like whatever he was doing vocally, he sounded like a dollar store jason derulo to me. actually funnily enough my first thought was "he's giving mj the musical" and then i checked the digital program and he was in mj the musical on broadway...lmao. anyway not the vibe for benny imho

also while i don't think the guy playing collins was at all bad, i wish he had more Presence in his low register. the vocal cast as a whole was missing that low bass-y tone and i expect more of that from collins especially which i was very much missing here

very very glad to finally go to a musical and not absolutely need my earbuds to get through it. it did get a little loud at points especially towards the end but nothing that i needed hearing protection for. thank you national symphony orchestra

(of course i went into it as an Orchestra Concert whereas everyone around me went into it as a Musical Performance so. i'm better than them (joke))

although the sound balance was not the best? there were a lot of times it was hard to hear the actors singing clearly over the orchestra. now i understand that it can be tough to mic a singer loud enough to carry all the way over an entire symphony orchestra, and i'm honestly glad they didn't try to solve that problem by upping the amps to an earsplitting level. and honestly with this performance in particular i'm not even upset that the orchestra is covering the singers a little bit because the orchestra is really what i came to hear (besides ali stroker) and the orchestra is just sooooo good here.

still, worth bringing up, especially in the moments where everyone is singing all together, especially multiple lines simultaneously as in will i, christmas bells, and la vie boheme. especially for the ensemble singers, whom you could barely hear at all

i liked the lighting overall too. decent key lighting on the actors. attractive use of color and textures. for a concert performance it was good and surprisingly not obnoxious

also there was a surprising amount cut from the script for this. i've seen in concert performances of things before and i know it can vary a lot from show to show and performance to performance whether it's just the songs or if any of the scenes are kept as well; rent in concert hewed closer to the former in spirit. almost all of the dialogue was cut, as were a few of the "less important" musical numbers (most of the voicemails, we're okay, etc). even a couple of sections within larger, important musical numbers were cut (notably in christmas bells, which disappointed me bc i actually really like that number and was excited to hear the FULL thing with the orchestra. i feel cheated.)

which honestly leads to some. weird plot pacing? like if we're cutting all the voicemails out of act i that's fine but then they have alexi darling's voicemail from voicemail #3 there in act ii (but still none from the parents anywhere), and it comes out of nowhere. joanne's mini-reprise of we're okay in happy new year A doesn't really land the same when we're okay was cut entirely from act i too. and the entire collins and angel relationship is like ??? when they cut the scene of collins getting beat up in the beginning (but they kept angel meeting and helping him, of course), as well as cutting their section in christmas bells. like ??

honestly the near-complete excision of dialogue is really funny to me cause it feels like they were trying to solve the problem of rent having a messy plot by just. removing the plot entirely. and gd help you if you were watching and weren't already intimately familiar with the plot of rent as it's supposed to go because it was IMPOSSIBLE to follow from this version lmao. and yet they somehow managed to make the little bit of plot (loose as it is) that remains even more confusing and weirdly paced. incredible. zero notes

anyway tldr ali stroker good national symphony good LOVE these orchestrations and i hope that overture/medley becomes a pops concert staple or something

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 1989 I was very depressed earlier, but a half-hour or so after I took my meds, my mood cheered up and became more positive.

Andy came over at 1:30, and by 2:00 he was passed out on my couch and still is. Guess he’s been exhausted and I am too, but can’t sleep yet.

I am going back to CC, so it looks like. Both Osborne and HDMHC recommended I go there cuz they have more to offer, but I hope CC doesn’t pull this daycare shit on me. I just want weekly therapy with a decent female therapist and a decent shrink like Moshiri.

I really hope I’m in school at least 3 days a week and that that won’t interfere with CC or my allergy shots or anything else I ever need to do. I don’t think the school opens, though, till mid or late afternoon which is great, but I hope if I get in that I won’t be leaving at night. If I do, I hope I can get a ride from someone and give them gas money.

Tomorrow I’ve got to call Fernandez to let him know I’ve decided to have the blood testing which is safer than the other kind they do, and once again discuss Medicare with them who says they cover 80% of the $450 it’ll cost, so I’ll only have to pay $90. Mom’s gonna be sending a check for $100.

Part of me still wishes I was working at Denny’s for the extra money, but doing what I love to do and having therapy and shots are more important right now. The job had a lot of hassles and stress that were both worth it and not worth it.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 29, 1989 I am speaking on the phone right now with Nervous. Andy and I were talking earlier, but he’s not home now. He mentioned going to pick up Roger at work, who is a major druggie, but he and Andy have known each other for a while cuz they worked together the last time Andy worked at Denny’s.

Linda popped over earlier just as I was getting out of the shower. She had handcuffs with her and says she’s going to train to be a cop which she’d definitely be good at, and I joked with her about arresting me for prank calls.

I am one bored motherfucker since I’m not working, and even though I was wrongly fired, I still feel like a complete failure and a useless piece of shit, and I wonder where my life is leading to?

I’d better fucking get into music school!

MONDAY, AUGUST 28, 1989 Well, last night I was very cruelly and very wrongfully fired by Crosby and even Andy’s pissed at him for what Crosby did to us before, and wants me to tell Demeter the facts or go to the Labor Board if that doesn’t work, but I’m not gonna even bother. They’re not worth the bother and I’d rather try getting into that music school I forgot to mention. Hopefully, I can get in on some kind of grant or scholarship.

It’s at the Springfield Community School of Music which is great so I won’t have to take math or English or any other general bullshit which is required at Holyoke Community College. Hopefully, I can major in voice and take piano and guitar, too. I don’t know how it works there but I’m going there on Sept. 5th for enrollment. If I get the financial aid I sure as hell hope they don’t fuck me up like they did at La Baron. But if I get in, I’ll be doing what I love to do rather than hair and nails which I only care to do for friends, family and myself. I only hope they don’t try to say they can’t accept me cuz of my allergies and asthma.

Speaking of that, Fernandez gave me another antibiotic called Amoxicillin which is helping quite well with no bad side effects. Also, I must have shots for 2-3 years but it’s worth it to end this misery so I can be healthy and sing well. Of course, I still wish I could quit smoking and know it’d help tremendously but I’m not gonna quit for a while if ever. I guess I’ll just have to die 20 years younger with cancer or emphysema or a heart attack cuz I like to smoke and I need to smoke for now.

Right now I’m listening to a tape of me talking to Nervous. Yesterday I had Nervous buy me 6 90-minute tapes for phone call recording, and once they’re all completed, me and Andy are gonna edit them, taking only the best parts.

Gloria’s birthday is coming up sometime next week but I’m not sure of the exact date. I forgot. She’ll be 32, though.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 24, 1989 I had a really fun evening and the only thing in the way was my usual allergies and just feeling slightly drained from not eating too well lately due to feeling so miserable. Tomorrow I’m going to see Fernandez and we’ll see if I get anywhere with him.

Before Fernandez, Andy’s gonna take me to Saratoga Drug to get my $67 in food stamps and then bring me to the doctor. After that, I’ll go straight to Food Fart.

I’ve got to call and tell SS right away, which I keep forgetting now that I’m working.

Tomorrow Nervous is gonna make a $90 deposit which I’ll have around $653 in the bank and soon my $502.39 and more tips and paychecks.

Speaking about my fun evening, well, Nervous brought me a phone recorder from Radio Shack where you can record phone calls. There’s a little suction cup you place on the headset of the phone with a small black cord and the other end of it goes into the mike jack on a tape recorder. It wouldn’t work on my box cuz the jack was too big. This one is 1/8” so I had to get back from Nervous the tape recorder I gave him a couple of years ago. Hopefully, he’ll get himself a new box soon so he can play all his tapes. I’ve really gotten him into music. He’s hooked on Joan Baez and I’m making him more tapes of Gloria and the Judds music.

So, anyway, we recorded some crosses we made with these two confused black chicks and a few other people. Me, Andy and Nervous were all over here and Fran was at his place. It was funny as all hell cuz these people thought the lines were really crossed!

Notes that Andy and Nervous wrote and that only I could understand:

Listen, I don’t mean to sound like Chin Fatt Kong but I hope you won’t kill me for writing in your book. I just wanted to write and say I love you! You know I really, really do! Love, Andy

To Jodi - You, my very talented young friend, will make it big in the music business some day maybe even sooner than you think. Love You, Kevin

TUESDAY, AUGUST 22, 1989 So much has happened since I last wrote which was quite a while ago. Sometimes I can’t get in the mood to write. Starting with when we took Nervous to the beach which was the last time we were there, which was hilarious as all hell. Well, after we left Ho Jo’s we told him to wait outside so we wouldn’t be caught with him and have to pay extra, we took off without him and then when we finally came back to get him, he was in a pickup truck with this guy Andy thought was a hunk, and was about to get a ride to the beach. So then later on after we left the beach, in which Tammy was in her usual pissy mood and Lisa looked really upset (Becky’s too young to catch on yet), we dumped him several times and made him walk up the street where we’d drive up to. We stopped at a pizza place, and then afterward, did the same thing. The guy is a major sucker! You should see the way he stared at my body the night before in the hotel. All I wore was a thin see-through half-shirt and underpants.

Work was hectic last night but I made $60. Today pervert Nervous is making a $122.75 deposit and also getting me wrappers for quarters, nickels and dimes. This week’s paycheck will be bigger cuz of my raise and next week’s will be even bigger cuz it’s for 4 days.

I met another referral from the service named Eunice, which of course was a major turn-off. She was pitifully ugly and seemed very stuck up. The guy she brought with her, who was also gay, was better looking than she was. We all went to a fair and she basically ignored me the whole time. She was rude and butchy looking, but that’s typical of what God sends my way. I was far from upset by it, though, cuz I knew it was coming.

My allergies still drive me nuts and probably will continue to for a year or so cuz that’s how long it’ll take to get rid of the dander. Eggs and cheese I am definitely allergic to for damn sure.

Otherwise, things have been ok. Had a couple of lousy days, but life’s never perfect and I’m only human. I had a good talk with this new guy, Dick, on 2nd shift, then with Tom on the graveyard shift at PCS (Psychiatric Crisis Services).

I am trying to get into Hamden District Mental Health Center here on Pine St., but I’m still waiting to hear from them for an intake. CC is out of the question. They despise me and will never return any of my phone calls and just to get even and say “fuck off” they sent me a bill I don’t even owe.

Thursday at 2:15, I’ve got to see Fernandez again for x-rays and to figure out what to do about my infection. The antibiotic (Augmentin) he gave me was too strong and I got wicked bad dry heaves.

MONDAY, AUGUST 14, 1989 Believe it or not, we’re on our way back from the beach and we took Nervous which we’ll never do again. It was more fun to rank on him over the phone and ring up his bill. We were gonna dump him off but after a half-hour or so we went back and got him. He didn’t misbehave all that badly, he was just a little hyper of course. He sure as hell was our slave and it was so funny. The guy’s a major sucker.

Andy says, “I wish I had a sucker like him to use and rank on.”

We have so much fun antagonizing him.

As far as a sunny day at the beach - ha! It’s raining and cloudy.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 11, 1989 Life has really changed for me since the last time I wrote. Well, I finally decided to see Mario Fernandez, an allergist, and end this misery once and for all. Fernandez showed me an article saying that skin puncturing is not accurate for sure, and that it is not impossible to test for cat dander like Walker had said, and that testing by blood was better. But it costs $425 and my insurance won’t cover it, but I knew that in order to get a good doctor, I’d have to pay, rather than see a quack who accepts Medicaid. Medicare pays for the shots, but not the blood testing. I think I can avoid shots in the end. The doctor said I have 4 choices. The first one is to take Seldane and not have Sasha, and of course, he wants me to quit smoking. If that doesn’t work, the second step is shots, the third is freezing my nose to bring down the swelling, and the fourth is straightening my nose cuz it’s slightly crooked.

Yesterday his nurse called me and said that when he took my cultures from my nose they found an infection so yesterday I started both the Seldane and an antibiotic and already I feel a difference! I think I’m gonna be able to avoid the last 3 steps. I’m gonna be singing real soon like never before and Ma feels I can do without shots, too.

When I told Andy he said, “I wonder how long this infection’s been going on?”

A long, long time, and cuz I put off dealing with it, it spread throughout my whole body for many, many months.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 5, 1989 The beach went sucky. I was nothing but a bitch to Andy and did nothing but complain and be negative. I don’t think we’re gonna be friends much longer, and this is what I mean by how I lose decent people. I’m really only good right now for other mental cases that do nothing but complain and talk negatively.

I thought I had learned to keep my problems to myself and my fears inside so I don’t burden anyone or bring anyone down with me, but then I had to fuck it all up at the beach. I’ve learned that no one can cheer a person up and that that person has to cheer themselves up only. I’ve also learned that talking about your problems only depresses people and brings them down with you and it’s gonna be very embarrassing to have to face Andy on Sunday night the next time I work. I don’t want to quit the job, though, and of course, I don’t want to end our friendship, but I feel it’s best to cuz it’s only gonna end someday by him. I haven’t spoken to him since Thursday night and I’m really proud that I haven’t called him. Makes me feel stronger. Talking to him is gonna do absolutely no good and if I want this friendship to continue I’m gonna basically have to kiss his ass and be in a good mood all the time and always talk positively all the time.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 3, 1989 Well, I just had the grandest time calling people and billing the calls to Nervous, since the asshole won’t answer his phone. He’s got it unplugged for sure. What took him so long to pick up the hint of what we were up to? He probably won’t plug it in till tomorrow, or this morning, I should say, at around 7:00 when he goes to call his mommy.

I made a call to Fran, but as usual, he wasn’t there. He’s probably at Bobbie’s. I also called Ann and Harry B, my foster parents from when I was 16 but gave them the silent treatment. They were great foster parents. It’s just that they’ve ignored me ever since I left them. Makes me feel a bit slighted.

I’ve tried several times to wake up Andy, but it ain’t doing any damn good so I guess I’ll try to sleep myself for a few hours. I wish I could snap my fingers and make it beach time, but since I can’t, I better sleep or else I’ll be dead tired.

Later…

Can you believe this fucking shit! I still can’t sleep. I haven’t been sleeping much lately. Either I sleep too much or hardly at all. I’m on such a screwy schedule. I gotta start eating and sleeping right and why the fuck did I ever have to start smoking again after 3 fucking days of quitting! I’m so pissed! I’m so short of breath and all stuffed up and my singing sucks, and I still don’t know for sure if it’s mostly smoking and maybe also allergies too, or what. This definitely is not caused by Sasha and I want her back! It’s a curse from God! I’m so fucking wound up and one pissed-off motherfucker!!!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1989 After work this morning Andy fell asleep till almost 1:00 so we didn’t arrive here till almost 2:30. I was exhausted, so shortly after we got here I fell asleep. I only slept 2 or 3 hours though.

I called Tammy who I’m gonna see tomorrow along with Lisa and Becky. She’s gonna make me that big gold chain.

We called Nervous and kept the sucker on the line for ages. He’s not answering now so he probably got smart and unplugged his phone.

We went to this really fancy restaurant and the bill came to $40. Theresa T was working there. We knew her when we were kids at the beach. Her mom died. Both her parents are gone now and she’s only 21. She looks just as pretty as she did as a little girl.

Andy’s sleeping now. I just finished listening to music and we’re supposed to go to the beach and climb our rocks, but I don’t know whether to let him sleep or wake him up. I’ll give him a little more time. He’s no doubt exhausted even though he slept this morning. We both didn’t get enough hours of sleep. It ain’t easy working the graveyard while trying to remain active in the daytime. I guess I’ll lay down myself for a little while, and I hope Nervous answers his phone later, the little sucker!

This room we’re in is so small. I like Ho Jo’s much better and so does Andy.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 1, 1989 Work was a bitch last night cuz fucking Guy and Rob just don’t know what the fuck they’re doing as cooks. They had 10,000 orders and some people waited for a half-hour for their food. I wish there were more cooks like Jayke.

Jayke and I definitely have to get together sometime soon.

This woman cop who came in last night was so nice and so attractive.

I tried my best to go to sleep and I can’t. Probably cuz I slept so much the last two days and I’m very hyped up.

I got my shopping done and Jessie’s coming over later. Tomorrow, after another fun night at Denny’s, Andy and I are going to the beach. I hope to hell I get more color. It’s already August.

[sqeca]

Red, blue, and white. Now what color is this? #イロハのキモチ

The translation's not spot-on 'cause there are some lines that got run through google translate

4 February 2023

Hello. This is Iroha Okuda 🦙. 　 Yesterday was Setsubun, right? Did you eat Ehōmaki? I ate it up all without saying a word! I heard that wishes come true...! Good! 　 Nagi and I were talking yesterday. I asked her, "What's the direction for this year? "Ummm, south, north, south, north, south..." Where is it? She said, "Where is that? LOL. 　 We were talking about eating it facing straight up, but when we ate it, we did eat it facing south-southeast! ✌🏻 　 　 By the way, I went to Shibuya TSUTAYA a few days ago.

On the 1st floor, there was a big panel of Nogizaka VOL.03, and on the 2nd floor, there was an exhibition of Shin Nogizaka Star Tanjō! I was so impressed!

I tried to take a picture with the panel, but this was the best I could do...

Shin Nogizaka Star Tanjō! Thank you for watching so much.

The next episode will be the last one...

40 episodes went by so fast! 　 Those of you who have been watching the show may already know that this is the first time for me to write a song for the show.

I tried my hand at "songwriting" for the first time! 　 It's something I've always dreamed of doing.

I was finally able to give it shape.

I may not be the best at it, but I put a lot of what I love and what I am passionate about into it! 　 (I'll write another blog post after the broadcast.) 　 I'm so glad I was able to make so many of my dreams come true at this event. 　 Shin Nogizaka Star Tanjō! will be aired on NTV on Mondays from 1:29 am to 1:59 am.

I hope you will watch us till the end!

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❔ Questions Corner ❔

Q: what do you want to do in the spring? → Make my own lunch and have a picnic🍙.

Q: I sometimes think negatively, but how can I think positively? → I also think negative at times, but the opposite of negative is positive! Think the opposite! I also hear that looking down makes me think dark thoughts, so I look up 🙃

Q: What kind of manjuu do you like best? → Anman (red bean paste) by far! I liked to stop by the konbini after school and eat it on the way home…

Q: Which 5th generation members have you had fun with recently? → Aya and I went to see "Suzume no Domekimari"!

Q: What is the first thing you do when you get home? → Wash my hands, gargle, and listen to the radio!

Q: Do you have a memory of the best time in your high school life? → Going out with my friends after school to sing karaoke, club activities, and memorizing English words together during lunch break! I also like listening to music while eating my mom's lunch, and I love my teachers! I'm sure everything will be a great memory, so let's have fun 🎶!

Q: I'd like to see your standby screen! → A picture of Naomi Watanabe and Mickey holding hands. 🤳🏻

Q: Iro-chan, are you the type of person who remembers the dreams you have while sleeping? → I'll look it up on my dream book as soon as I remember it, so I'll remember it when I see it in my history! Haha!

Q: What emoticons and pictograms do you use most often? →😭✨🎶🙇🏻♀️🧡😌🦙(~_~;)

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📢News

We're pleased to have you in the March 2023 edition of B.L.T! The theme of this edition is "Imagination".

On the cover is Kubo Shiori.

It's on sale now, check it out! 🌈

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Iroha's view

Today's picture is here.

These raccoons I met in Arashiyama, Kyoto.

They are so cute looking up at each other 😏

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Finally, thank you for the online meet and greet today. It was a pleasure to talk to you so much~!

I was in a paired lane with Nagi, so we matched for the last part, ponytail!

Ah, the answer to the quiz in the title!

It was the color of my outfit today. I don't know!" I'm not going to say "I don't know! 　 I'd like to end by saying that I hope you'll come back to talk to me again! See you soon! 　 Iroha

[insidiousflame]

12/6/2022

This is quite the hilarious turn of events considering my previous entry. But I applied for HolMat for shits and giggles and ended up being selected to perform. A lot of popular groups including Auracle and Reso were denied and everyone was up and arms about it. It was quite a little bit scary. And they also are paying for two nights hotel stay so...I really was convinced to go ahead and do it. Though, despite my worries about money, ended up still spending upwards of $700 on this performance prep. The coffin STILL hasn't been completed, and theres some other small things like for the meet and greet that need to be finished. Kait and Chris are my back up dancers and she had to go out of state to take care of her dad so we can't practice again until HolMat weekend. The mix did not come out very good and is just passable. The performance as a whole will probably just be pretty mid. The choreo is boring, my backup dancers are..well...doing their best i will say. And I'm just standing and singing 'Stardust' on a mic stand. I have tried to let things go, so as to not get into my own head and over stress about this. Inside, i know this performance is not everything I could want it to be or what I know I can do and I'm quite nervous for all that I will have to do that weekend. And how the meet and greet will go. Will anyone besides some friends care? Will I sell a good amount of merch? I'm so nervous. I'm starting to have feelings of dread and wanting to run away. But this is a needed experience. I can say that I got to perform at THE HolMat idolfest as a soloist. And then I can just never do it again. haha I want to enjoy this experience. I want to enjoy the fact that I GET to have this experience and not be so focused on the actual performance execution of it and whether or not it's "good enough" or can measure up to everyone else and expectations. But at the same time I feel like this loose-grip I've made myself have has also perhaps made things worse. I waited till the last second to buy prints. Totally kept skipping my mind and we've had Gavin staying with us and stupid family drama on Chris's side. I just want to have fun and find my fucking peace again. I want to find the value and clarity for my own life and the path i wish to take. And that has nothing to do with others and how they will think of me. I really should just stop looking at those forums. There isnt really anything of value there anymore if there ever was to begin with. And considering my path as an idol is kind of messy and uncertain, why should I care? My focus going into the new year will be doing more anime covers. I got 1k views on my Alumina english cover that was released in october! Like! I havent gotten that many views in literally 3-4 YEARS. It's just added to the encouragement. And believe it or not i've felt the desire to start cosplaying again too! Mayhaps i can find some sense of joy in my hobbies again. I've also been playing FF14 again. I will allow myself to invest in my happiness. Whatever that may be. And not feel so guilty for it. For my well-being is the upmost important.

[bo0zey]

i hadn’t gone to my gen ed english class in like 3 days n today i finally went n got there kinda early so it was just me n my english professor and i started apologizing for not being there/emailing him/turning my late work and he’s just like “are you okay?” n i’m flustered m like yes but it’s just a lot going on right now—but i hate giving excuses bc in my eyes no excuse is good enough to avoid the consequences to my actions but he kinda cuts me off n is “u don’t have to tell me anything. i just want to make sure you’re okay.” and didn’t say anything abt the missing work MEANWHILE my nursing professor who knows i’ve been going thru it mentally and literally witnessed me start to breakdown in tears when she askef me if i was ok after she’d lectured me and made snide mean comments and jabs bc i didn’t come to her for help for something stupid and she has no idea how hard it is for me to ask for help or extensions because i’ve been taught that in this world i must do everything on my own, alone, and i have trouble asking for extensions bc i feel like they’re gonna say no bc i don’t deserve them bc i don’t have a good enough excuse to ask for one bc i was taught never to give excuses bc i should’ve done something more in the first place and so anyways i missed the extension for turning in the rough draft our big research paper n she emailed me AND CC’the director of the nursing program n was like u automatically get a 0 for the draft and if u don’t turn in ur final paper YOU WILL FAIL THIS CLASS AND WILL NOT GRADUATE…….anyways what im trying to say is that my gen ed english professor isnt. making me out to be a monster unlike my nursing professor who literally has more of a clue abt my mental health than him like???????

[kimbap-r0ll]

I normally never request song fics but I had an idea. I heard an English cover for still with you and i thought it sounded like a song about being homesick. And how to add that to twst? By Azul making Mc drink a potion to sing an original song at the mostro lounge and maybe their friends and the faculty hear it? Mainly the faculty. Crowley needs a wake-up call

Oh this is interesting, thank you for the ask! I’m guessing this is the song by Jungkook? If not let me know! I used the lyrics for this song (I love this song honestly, and I translated the lyrics in this writing by myself, so hopefully it still flows well)

Songfic: “Still With You”

You weren’t the type of person to sing, rather you didn’t like to sing in public. Sure, you had a decent voice, and you had loved singing since you were younger, but you never had the courage to go in front of others and sing.

That was until you stumbled into this strange world that was called Twisted Wonderland. The people here used magic (something you thought was impossible), you had to act almost as a therapist for the students, and the headmaster seemed to be forgetting the fact that you need to get home and that he was supposed to help. You were getting tired of all of this, and every day at Ramshackle you found yourself dreaming of going back home.

The Octavinelle trio, the ones that were in charge of Mostro Lounge and all of the shady deals that it brought saw you in your homesickness. They had an idea after this, perhaps they should find a way to cheer you up? They did enjoy your company and you did help Azul after he went through an overblot. Maybe they could give you something nice in return, and also get some of your trust in case they decide to make you agree to a deal?

You were led to the lounge one Friday night as the entire school seemed to be at the lounge. Most of the people after school went to the lounge to start the weekend, including the faculty members. You waved some of the teachers that were sitting around, and went to go find Ace and Deuce. They were sitting with Jack, and Grim jumped out of your arms as he saw them.

“We should sit here!” Grim was running towards the first years and you nodded. Saying hello to the rest of your friends, you sat down.

An Octavinelle student came by to take orders, but they said to you that Azul was going to cover for you, “a kind gift” was what the student said.

Ace and Deuce tried to object for you but you accepted. You weren’t sure if Azul was plotting something, but perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to get something from him this time.

Everyone’s drinks and foods arrived, and you were greeted with a glowing drink. It almost looked golden.

“It’s a new recipe,” the student serving said brightly before leaving you. You glanced at the drink and couldn’t help but feel a little anxious.

Soon enough, a karaoke event started. It was a tradition every Friday, and there would always be students ready to sing onstage. Today was no different, with Kalim dragging some of his friends to sing some songs they knew from Scalding Sands. Then a few of the other students from other dorms sang songs, one of them even did some rapping to spice things up.

Finally, you were halfway through your drink, when you noticed yourself walking to the karaoke sign-up and writing your name down. You were soon called to the front of the stage. What? Since when did y/n go up to sing?

Jack was wishing you good luck as the other first years and Grim were whooping and shouting for you.

Taking hold of the mic, the announcer said that you would be singing an original song. Somehow, you didn’t remember writing that down, but it seemed right. You were going to sing something, something that you felt right now.

Taking in a deep breath, you allowed a melody to start in your head. You would be going by yourself with a piano that happened to be sitting next to you on the stage, something you most likely wouldn’t have dreamed of doing. Did the drink do something to you to suddenly become a talented musician?

“The light voice that grazed me, please can you call my name once more, even though I am held under the frozen sunset, I’ll walk towards you one step at a time, still with you.”

The song flowed out of your mouth, and the piano seemed to magically work with you. The chatter seemed to stop from the audience, and you continued in the song that somehow you were able to come up with.

“The dark night, without a single light, I shouldn’t get used to it but I am used to it, the low sound of the ac, if I don’t even have this I think I will definitely fall apart.”

You were talking about home, the sound of your home and the mundane things in it was something you missed dearly. The homesickness seemed to cause a wave over you as you continued to sing.

The other students seemed to notice this, but no one seemed more aware of the fact that you were talking about home than the faculty. Crowley was there too, and Crewel lightly glanced over at the headmaster. The faculty knew of your position and how Crowley had promised to help you, but as the days went by it felt as though he was stalling time.

“We laugh together, we cry together, maybe these simple feelings were all that I had,”

You remembered your friends, the ones you had back home. Would they be worried about you right now? How were your parents? How long had you left them for this strange world that you weren’t even sure if you ever leave? You wanted this to all be a dream, but it seemed like an endless nightmare at times. Of course, the people you met at this school were great, but you always felt yourself longing for the place that you yourself called home.

“Around when will it be when I see you face to face again, I want to look you in the eye and tell you ’I wanted to see you.’”

The song kept going, only fueled by the homesickness that seemed to be roaring as a storm in your heart.

Ace and Deuce were silent as you continued in the song, Grim too was surprised at not only your talent in singing but also how your emotions were like. To them, they had only seen your smile, but never knew about the amount of pain homesickness was causing you.

If anything, Crowley would be getting a wake up call from this. Of course, finding a way back home to a place no one had heard of would be challenging, but it wasn’t impossible. The song may have focused him a bit better on helping you go back home, but it might not last that long before he decides to continue stalling you.

Your song ended soon, and everyone burst into applause. A lot of them wanted you to sing one more song, but you quickly scurried off of stage.

“I have no idea how that happened,” you slid into your seat as Jack patted you on the back.

“You miss your home, right?” he asked, and you looked at him in a surprised way.

“Ah, haha, yeah, I guess the song really was from the heart,” you nodded. The memory of you singing was still a bit blurry, but you remembered some of it.

After the lounge closed, you would learn that Azul had slipped a singing potion in your drink to see what you would sound like. He had heard you sing before, so he thought why not share it with the world? You weren’t upset at him however, as it allowed you to deliver the feelings you had buried in your heart out. You felt refreshed, but you still felt alone in this world. You needed to go back home, and hopefully Crowley wouldn’t forget about this.

[dreamcatcher139]

A FEW LIES AND THE TRUTH - part III.

Author’s note: A non-canon Rafe x female reader story.

This is a part when things finally start happening. Still not really happy with how it turned out.

Warnings: slight swearing I guess, my bad English as always.

Check out other parts here.

                                               III.

You were still driving around in your car when your radio went silent, signaling the playlist was over.

You hated looking at your phone while driving (you never liked being irresponsible), but you hated driving in silence even more. Especially when the thoughts in your head were so loud.

Music is your form of therapy. You like listening to whatever music you enjoy at the moment and usually singing along very loudly, while aimlessly driving around the island. Other times it’s just nice sorting your thoughts out with a nice musical background.

Your eyes fell on the playlist Rafe sent you via Spotify a few weeks ago. You two have similar taste in music, which was another surprising fact about him that you learned accidentally. That wasn’t exactly the case with Sarah. She was always more into popular and mainstream artists (which you have nothing against), while you like discovering new artists and not-so-popular music. You enjoyed the 70s and 80s music as well.

So how did you find out Rafe liked the same music as you?

He was coming home from college for an extended weekend, and there was no one to pick him up at the airport. Ward and Rose were working, and Sarah was hanging out with some people from the Cut she met a few days ago (her phone lying forgotten at the bottom of her backpack). You weren’t with her that day because you were helping your mom clean the house, knowing there will be parties to attend the aforementioned weekend.

Your phone vibrated in your back pocket as Rafe’s plea to come and pick him up at the airport came through. You quickly finished wiping the bathroom floor, and then decided to change into something that didn’t reek of detergent. Grabbing your car keys that were lying on the cabinet in the foyer, your hand was already on the doorknob when your mom’s voice ringed through the house.

“(Y/N)? Where are you going?”

“I’m picking Rafe up at the airport!” You shouted back so that she could hear you. You were hoping you’d done enough cleaning, and she wouldn’t mind you leaving the house for the first time that day.

“Will you be home for dinner?”

“Yes!” You smiled and with that, left for the airport.

- - -

A smile spread across Rafe’s face once he spotted your car approaching him.

“Get in loser!” You shouted as you pulled over.

He quickly put all his bags in the back of your car and jumped in the passenger seat. You noticed he brought a lot of stuff for just one weekend.

“Did you miss me?” He asked once his seatbelt was fastened, the blue of his eyes immediately washing over you like a wave of refreshment, making you forget what you were thinking about just a second ago.

“Not really, no.” You replied, trying to be as serious as possible while biting back a smile. That was a lie.

As you tried to give him an annoyed look, you realized he looked kind of different. Good different. His hair wasn’t slicked back, and he looked like he was working out. College seemed to do him good.

“Good, I didn’t miss you either.” Rafe’s smile only grew bigger while you untucked the hair behind your ears to cover the fact that they started reddening under his gaze. You had no idea where all this shyness was coming from. Seeing him for the first time in three months suddenly gave you this weird feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“How many fights did you start since the last time I saw you?” You asked him jokingly, in an attempt to keep the conversation going and the flutter inside your chest steady.

You knew about Rafe’s unexplainable urge to always establish dominance. He still hasn’t opened up about it completely, but you hoped he wasn’t acting the same as when he was home. You wished college changed that aspect of him, too.

“Maybe one or two.” He paused. “Three tops.”

After offering you a silly smile, Rafe decided to change the subject before the conversation got too serious.

“So, what are we listening to today?” He grabbed your phone, which was already connected to the radio in your car via Bluetooth.

You looked at him like he was a crazy person.

“What?” He asked, furrowing his brows, not knowing what was wrong.

“Going through someone’s music library is the second most intimate thing you can do.” You explained.

Not many people have the access to your music unless you’re asked to play something. But you’re usually not the one to be the DJ because, as mentioned earlier, you don’t listen to a lot of mainstream music. Also, not many people know the songs you like to play (which only make you more cautious when choosing whose eyes will roam through your playlists).

“Right, sorry.” He said, surprisingly agreeing with you. “Can I connect my phone then and play some music?”

“Sure.” You said. “But know that not a lot of phones have the privilege to be connected to my radio.” You gave him a meaningful look, and he smiled to himself.

You make my dreams (come true) was the first song he chose to play, and the rest was history. You ended up driving around (taking a long way home) because you liked the songs he played. A lot of them you already knew. Rafe wasn’t ashamed to sing along, encouraging you to do the same and quickly turning the situation into a carpool karaoke.

He occasionally stole glances toward your figure behind the steering wheel. Your hair was flying around your face, battling the wind that was blowing through the opened windows. Your eyes were sparkling, almost as if some lyrics touched your soul. He noticed the rosy tint to your cheeks made him feel some weird type of way. He thought about how he hadn’t felt that carefree and light in months as your laughter echoed in his ears. Was he happy? The feeling was new; the unfamiliar warmth spreading through his chest every time you looked over and sang directly to him.

At the end of that car ride, you showed him your music library and agreed on sending each other new playlists and artists as soon as you discover something good. Rafe was happy that he managed to break down a wall, while at the same time, you were once again surprised you let him in so quickly.

- - - 

Later that night, you heard a familiar buzz. It was your phone vibrating on your nightstand. You were lying on your bed, watching some stupid show on your laptop, and lazily looked over to your phone. You thought Sarah’s messages were blowing up your phone.

Instead, your phone kept vibrating, and the caller ID was Rafe.

“Miss me already? I just dropped you off like two hours ago.” You answered teasingly, but the silence on the other side of the line was concerning. No funny comeback.

“Rafe?” You sat up on your bed.

“Hey.” His voice was raspy. “Can you come outside? I’m here.”

You got up and moved closer to your window, which had a nice view over your street. Looking outside, you immediately noticed Rafe, who was frantically biting the skin around his nails, looking like a mess.

“What happened?” You asked, seriously starting to worry.

As soon as he saw you in the window, he hung up and motioned for you to come down. You were annoyed by the tension of not knowing why he looked so shaken up but did as he wanted.

“Rafe, what the fuck?” You cursed as you stepped out in the cool April night, hugging the cardigan you had on tighter around your body.

“I dropped out of college.” He stated dead-serious, but his eyes gave him away. They were drowning in panic.

“You what?” You asked a little too loud, your own eyes widening in surprise.

He was looking at your face intensely, carefully assessing your features. He was probably searching for disappointment, but you were just confused. That was the first time you heard him talk about dropping out of college. He never even mentioned thinking about it, and you guys talked (about everything) almost every day while he was away.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” You asked, your voice coming out incredibly gentle.  

“I don’t know. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me too.” He shrugged.

He looked really sad. He appeared almost defeated, standing there with his shoulders slouched and gaze fixed on his shoes.

“I’m not disappointed, Rafe.” Your words made him move his eyes from the floor back to your face. “I’m just surprised because you never mentioned it before.”

“Yeah, I know. I was thinking about it for a while now and just decided to do it.” He sighed. “Dad is furious. We just had the biggest fight ever; I think he might actually kick me out of the house this time.”

Rafe’s eyes appeared glossy as if he could start crying right then and there. The boy was falling apart in front of you. That was the moment you realized that he trusted you so much to let you see him like this. Rafe Cameron would never show sadness or any kind of emotion, for that matter, in front of anyone. He was too proud to do it, and he had a reputation to preserve. And most definitely would not cry in public. He never even cried in front of his best buds Topper and Kelce.

It hurt you seeing him like this, so you automatically wrapped your arms around his body, not thinking before your actions for a second.

Shit.

You didn’t know if physical touch was allowed with Rafe. You may be friends, but you never hugged or anything like that before. Did you cross the line?

Rafe Cameron felt as if he was struck by lightning. The feeling of your arms wrapping around him sent a pleasant tingling sensation all the way down to his fingertips. He was a bit stiff for a moment, completely caught off guard by your actions. But then he slowly gave in, feeling himself relaxing under your comforting touch.

He wrapped both his arms around you, careful not to squeeze you too tight. He felt your chest rising and falling against him, the sound of your breathing calming him down. You managed to unlock another new feeling in a single day, and Rafe wasn’t sure he could handle it.

The solace.

You were right about Rafe not really being a touchy person, but that was because no one really ever gave him a sincere hug or gently rubbed his back to calm him down. He didn’t know the power behind holding someone’s hand or playing with someone’s hair.

He suddenly felt so much better. You were both surprised by how natural the hug was after the initial shock.

“People drop out of college all the time.” You started, slowly disconnecting from him. “It’s not the end of the world. You are allowed to change your mind or press pause if you feel overwhelmed.”

He slowly nodded his head. He could feel the ghost of your touch on his torso.

“So why’d you drop out?” You carefully asked the question you wanted to know the answer to the most.

You spontaneously started walking down the street, and he followed your lead, mentally agreeing that a walk would be nice right now.

“I didn’t really like that business school. I don’t think it’s the right thing for me, honestly.” He admitted.

“That’s OK. Did you try explaining that to Ward?” You pressed the conversation further.

“Well, you know how he never listens to what I have to say, (Y/N).” Rafe frowned. “He’s super angry now and feels personally attacked because I don’t wanna do the same thing he does. And now I’m the disgrace to the family, I won’t be able to take over his business, and I’m his only son…” He released an irritated huff. “I think I really disappointed him this time.”

“Do you regret it?” You asked, your eyes automatically scanning his face for a reaction. “Do you regret dropping out?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I just wasn’t feeling it. It’s not what I want. It’s what my dad wants.” He answered honestly, slightly shrugging his shoulders.

You let a moment of silence fall over your bodies, listening to the rustling of leaves around you.

“You know, you’re not a disgrace to your family.”

You knew how much pressure Ward was putting on his son. They were always fighting. Basically, because Rafe was just a boy and still growing up, but Ward wanted him to be a man and take over his job. He had this whole plan about who Rafe was supposed to be, and the slightest error was causing him to lose his shit.

“Your father is putting too much pressure on you, and you know it.” You continued. “He’s always making you feel guilty about everything, even the stuff that is not directly your fault. He’s expecting too much of you.” You fought the urge to grab Rafe’s hand and made him look into your eyes to be more convincing.

“You need to realize you’re just 19, Rafe because he’s definitely not aware of it. You’re young! You need to have fun, explore your options, and find yourself. One thing is wanting a good future for your kids. Another thing is frantically planning out every detail of their life and controlling everything. You have the right to be your own person, and not someone Ward pictured in his head even before you were born.”

Rafe is the way he is on the outside because of his father. He needs to act tough. He needs to look like he has his shit together, and since his own dad is constantly harassing him at home, he needs to be strong in front of everyone else. It was all a perfect façade for someone who is actually hurting inside. You didn’t know why Rafe decided to let his guard down around you, but you realized all of this because he did.

What you didn’t know was that Rafe felt like you brought an impossibly bright light to every dark place inside of him that he showed you. You somehow always manage to make everything feel alright. He was grateful because you never judged him, and he felt like he could be himself around you. He could finally be what he needed to be: just a normal guy.

“Thank you.” He said after a few moments of silence. “I know you know me and my family well enough to be speaking the truth.”

A few seconds passed, and only the sounds of your shoes touching the concrete were heard.

“So you’re not disappointed in me?” He looked over, searching for any sign of you being mad at him.

“No, silly.” You gently tried to push him, but he (as expected) didn’t budge at all.

“I told you! A lot of people drop out of college. I’m actually pretty proud of you because you were brave enough to admit to yourself that you don’t want this thing that your family imposed on you.” You offered him a small smile. “I just hope you will take this free time to really think about what you want to do with your life. That’s important, right?” You slightly nodded your head. “Because having a job you don’t like is pretty tiring, don’t you think? You’ll have to do it for the rest of your life.”

Rafe stopped walking, so you did the same. His eyes were soft as he studied your face in a new way. Something you’ve never seen him do before.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked quietly.

“Why are you the best person I know?” He counter-questioned, his words luring a smile to your face. “You always know what to say. You’re so reasonable and real. And you’re pretty much the biggest support I have in my life.”

“I just like charity work, Cameron, don’t flatter yourself.” You said jokingly, ruining the moment. You didn’t really know how to take this sudden burst of affection.

There was a small smile forming in the corners of his lips. You finally managed to make him feel better about the whole situation, and you took it as a big win.

Surprisingly, he wrapped his arms around you, engulfing you in another hug. Your face was pressed against his chest, his chin resting on top of your head as he gently rocked you from left to right. Two hugs in one night? You didn’t know what was going on, but you couldn’t complain.

“I’m going to suffocate.” Your voice was muffled against his hoodie.

That was a lie. You weren’t sure you ever wanted to stop breathing in his familiar scent or being this close to him, as he reluctantly let you go. You always knew how to ruin the moment by saying something stupid. Even if you did suffocate, that would be a nice way to go.

Just as your bodies separated, your phone started ringing again, completely destroying the intimacy of the moment you just shared.

“That’s probably my stupid sister.” Rafe stated.

And he was right. It was Sarah calling you.

“Alright, don’t get into any more trouble.” You pointed a finger at him, and he raised his hands in surrender. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that, you finally answered the phone and started walking away from Rafe, waving him goodbye. Sarah talked about a boy named John B and how you needed to meet him and his friends as soon as possible.

Part IV.

You absorbed every word she said, already mentally preparing yourself for meeting her new friends tomorrow afternoon.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Tags: @totallynotkaibiased​ 

[wisehoagiekidwobbler]

Forms of Witchcraft

•Dolls and Poppets

Poppets are the English terms for what movies call a ‘voodoo doll’. Voodoo doll is a misnomer, and does nothing for either poppets or Haitian magic.

Poppets can be used for a couple of things – mainly either cursing or healing. This doesn’t always have to be physical curses/cures – poppets can also be used to influence thought patterns.

Dolls can also be used to provide homes for Spirits, or used to create guardians. You can also use a doll as a scapegoat to prevent a curse from latching onto you.

•Shrinemaking

Shrine making is less a way to create a defined outcome, and more a way of pleasing Spirits who you may later want to call upon. It’s kinda like taking your new neighbours a pie, in case you ever need them to watch the house whilst you’re away. The pie is an overture to a friendly relationship, not direct payment for the house sitting. However, if you just blundered into their garden one day and offered them £100 to watch the house, they’d probably tell you to get lost. Randomly calling up Spirits, Saint or Deities can have the same effect. I mean, would you help someone get a job if they just banged on your door and waved some incense at you? Get your local Spirits pies. Find out what scents, and objects, and offerings that they like. Keep the land around you clean, and pick up after other people if you can. Use your vote and your money to protect the land from logging and fracking. Build a dedicated ‘meeting space’ where you call up Spirits, and fill it full of pictures of them or things they like. It pays dividends in the future.

Shrinemaking can also be used to help bless and protect your home and land. By connecting with the other Spirits that are there, you solidify the relationship, and can work together against intruders.

•Bottles and Jars

Witch bottles (or spell jars)  are fun, easy ways to create a variety of effects. As a spell base, they can be effective for:

* money

* love

* friendship

* animal work

* protection

Some people define a witch bottle as strictly the traditional version which is used as a scapegoat, and call other spells involving bottles and jars ‘spell jars’. Some people use the term witch bottle to encompass all magics involving jars.

You can learn about all types of bottle magic in the free course which you can sign up for below!

•Candles

Candle magic is a much more modern form of magic than you’d think – especially if we’re talking coloured candles. Candles were very precious objects in the past! However, it was not an unusual item to have, like a hunk of crystal or fairy doll, which is why they became an item to use for undetected witchcraft – like brooms, and cauldrons.

As candles have got cheaper and cheaper and less needed to be used for lighting, much more forms and types of magic have sprung up around them. With the addition of coloured waxes or painted candles, the sorts of magic you can do with candles has grown exponentially.

Candles are a subset of fire magic and therefore are fantastic for banishing, but they are often the beginners tool of choice. It’s easy to understand why – easy to get hold of, easy to use, and there’s as much fancy ritual needed as you feel inclined to give it.

When you want to expand your knowledge, you can still stick with candles – but investigate the use of oils, herbs and crystals in conjunction with candles.

•Crystals and Rocks

Crystals and rocks are often used as ‘ingredients’ in other spells. They are very easy to add to bottles, pouches, dolls and more. However, you can also use crystals in spell work solely on their own by adding them to your pillow, till, money box, plant pot, etc.

Their use goes much further than this, but that enters the realm of energy healing which is a part of many traditions and is a very dedicated and intensive practice all by itself, and too much to explain here.

Air

You can utilize the powers of air in a lot of ways. It’s usually good for cleansing spells – think sweeping with a ritual broom, burning incense (smoke=air, not fire), ringing bells or playing bowls, singing, using flags and wheels. Air methods tend to return quick results.

Earth

Earth brings slow results, but they tend to be larger. Earth practices include enchanting seeds that will bring you money as they grow, burying offerings in the Earth, making vessels and spells out of clay, or writing spells in the mud.

Fire

Fire can bring things into your life, but is much better used to get rid of them – for beginners, anyway. If there is anything in your life that you wish to get rid of, you can write or draw a representation of it and cast it into the fire to remove it.

Water

Water can take the longest time to bring you what you need. However, think of water pounding against a rock. Drips of water became rivers, became waterfalls. Water can often bring you the biggest results, but it may take a long time.

Water spells can include potions (see below), but can also include ritual baths, leaving offers in water, or giving up bad energy or habits to the ocean.

•Bones

Bones are a contentious subject in witchcraft. Some people will never use them, some people’s practice is not complete without them. You can actually get bones in an ethical manner, by either cleaning up roadkill yourself or paying someone to do it for you, or literally keeping the bones from your dinner!

Some uses for bones are:

* Telling the future (casting bones or lots)

* Housing the Spirit of the animal so you can work with them

* Form parts of wands or ritual jewellery or headresses

* Ingredients in pouches

Tarot, Runes and Ogham

You can use all of these fortune telling tools in spells, too! You can choose one of them that has a characteristic or represents an outcome that you’d like. So if you wanted a new job, you might choose the Ace of Pentacles. Then you could do any one of the following with it:

* Use it to focus a candle spell

* Add it to a pouch or bag spell

* Add it to a jar spell

* Use it in lieu of a sigil

* Make a vision board around it

* Even burn it! (You can get single Tarot cards for this purpose on eBay.)

•Potions and Elixirs

Potion Magic used to be a lot more popular. Whilst elixirs, tisanes and tea blends are still popular for use on yourself, the masses of recipes of potions, philtres and similar recipes have all but died out. That’s because a lot of potion magic is only to be used in desperate circumstances, like love potions and curses. The reason so many old fashioned love potions are beyond creepy and controlling is that woman’s husband was her meal ticket. If he left her, not only would she be blamed, but she would be out of a house, food and her own family probably wouldn’t take her in. She had shamed them all. (Often through no actual fault of her own.) She was literally facing public humiliation, being outcast, perhaps even starving to death – and sometimes her children along with here.

So dousing  a lover or husband’s food with love potion made a lot more sense then, than it does now.

Thankfully, most of us don’t live in those circumstances any more, so a lot of philtre or potion use has died out. However, there are still some amazing things you can make to ingest yourself:

* Tea blends

* Tisanes (herbals teas)

* Bath spells

* Lunar or solar water

* Herbal Oils

Spoken Magic

Spoken Magic can be long and complicated, or very short. It doesn’t have to rhyme (but it can) it doesn’t have to flow like poetry (but it can). You can use spoken incantation to help direct energy when you’re using other methods, but you can also use it on it’s own.

Some examples of spoken magic:

* Affirmations

* Words of power

* Singing

* Ritual Offerings

* Wishes

You can even banish Spirit’s solely through your voice. Shouting ‘Leave!’ with the correct intention can be very powerful.

•Written Magic

Written magic has existed since we could write. Many cultures view writing AS magic. Think about it – 26 (or thereabouts, depends on your alphabet) tiny squiggles can become anything when placed in the right order. Dumbledore was right about the power of words.

Written magic can include:

* Petitions to Spirits

* Magic squares

* Words of power or protection

* Wishes

* Tattoos

* Rune work

Bag and Pouch Magic

There is all kinds of bag magic – from mojo bags, to more modern spell envelopes. The main idea behind bag or pouch magic is that keeping a carefully curated selection of objects together for a certain time period will produce the effects that you want. A lot of bag magic produces indefinite spells  provided they are charged. Such bags usually grant the wearer protection, prosperity, luck or good health. However, there are bag magics wear a specific time limited spell is wanted – invisibility spells, hex breakers and the like.

•Enchantments and Glamours

Enchantment covers a variety of spell types, but theme of the spells are pretty much the same. Enchantment covers a lot of the old folklore kind of witchcraft – hidden worlds, changing age, changing into different animals and so on.

Enchanting something fools the viewer into believing something is there when it is not, or isn’t there when it is, or is something completely different.

Think of the Harry Potter scene where Hermione explains that the ceiling of the Great Hall isn’t a real sky, it’s just enchanted to look that way.

Real enchantment can be done for fun, but they can also be useful pieces of magic. You can enchant jewelry, clothes or makeup to bestow certain personality traits upon you. You can enchant your witchy items to look normal if you’re fearful of discovery. The possibilities are just about endless.