i have to complain to the void
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I'm Gonna Ride This Plane Out of Your Life Again, I Wish That I Could Stay, But You Argue...
I woke up on Wednesday morning fairly early (as I usually do) and cleaned up the AirBnB apathetically. Sad and tired I just wanted to crawl back in bed but we had an early check out time (10:00 AM) so there was no chance of that. Le sigh.
It was a sad morning knowing that this was the last few hours but on the plus side we did find a nearby place to get some breakfast which was pretty good (we both had the Vegan Chorizo Hash). The staff at the restaurant seemed so nice and friendly I felt bad that there were no other customers (save for a Door Dasher who was complaining about the wait for the food). If you're ever looking for breakfast in the Montrose neighborhood of Chicago maybe hit up Breakfast House.
On the way to the train we saw a heart under the overpass which appeared to be made of smeared human feces and if that doesn't make you feel loved by a city I just don't know what does!
The long train ride to O'Hare was spent with me mostly weeping "I'd cry too if I had to go back to Portland." The Funny Bunny said. I was at least looking forward to getting back to Alzee and the cats (a life with no cats?? Who needs it?)... but I started ugly crying as soon as we parted ways at the airport. It was so bad that the security lady was like "ARE YOU OKAY???" I would've thought crying at the airport was a common occurrence but maybe I just cry like a crazy person, haha.
The wait to board wasn't too long thankfully and the plane was a little nicer than the one I flew in on. I got the impression my seat mate (a white haired older fella) was confused by what I was doing in First Class (don't let the colorful hair fool you, I'm a bougie bitch) but the flight attendant remembered me "Oh, Jaymz! Didn't I just have a flight with you?" "About a week ago, yeah." "Wonderful!" See, man? I'm famous.
I had a lot of thinking to do on the long ride home and I was a little overwhelmed. I don't know yet how to break the news to my mom that I don't think I can handle a flight over 4 hours (she wants me to come to Florida, I just don't see how). But at least I got some warm nuts and ginger ale.
The vegan meal was pretty good too. White Bean Chili and Polenta. I erred on the side of caution again and skipped the cookie since everyone got one and I assume it's not vegan. So just be aware of that if you're vegan and you fly Alaska.
I got a nice view of the mountains to welcome me home. I wish I was better at taking pictures out of plane windows, haha.
As we de-boarded my new best friend flight attendant said "Goodbye, Jaymz will we be seeing again soon?" I laughed and she turned to the other attendant and said "She's the quietest passenger I've ever had." She has not heard my cackle...
Alzee picked me up at the airport, it's really nice to live only like ten minutes away from it, haha.
All in all it was a good trip, I'm glad I finally got to see Chicago so I can cross that off my bucket list, haha. Ashley and Shelly were proud of me for stepping outside my comfort zone and going on an adventure. I'm also really thankful that the Funny Bunny was willing to show me all around because I know I wouldn't have been able to figure out the trains on my own. I also came away with a few mementos...
From left to right, Gifts from the Funny Bunny: Sue the T-Rex from the Mold-O-Rama mold machine at the Field Museum and Klondike Kat & Ricochet Rabbit figures (thanks!). Pine cone from the Botanical Garden and flat penny (DNA strand design) from the Science Museum. Mug with "The Loop" train map design I got at a souvenir shop. Precious memories.
I hope you all enjoyed reading about my own personal Adventures in Babysitting, I will try to document more adventures in the future. I have been meaning to make it up to Seattle again sometime soon and visit Arizona and California again so I should really get to planning... If you're vegan and want to show me around your city (and not murder me!) feel free to hit me up sometime. As long as it's not more than 4 hours by plane, haha.
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2022 New Year's Meme
Every year I do this survey that went around Livejournal in the 2010s. Anyone is welcome to do the survey!
1. What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?
I got married! I had a wedding and a honeymoon (my first time visiting Montreal)!
I visited Columbus, OH for the first time (and second time) to visit the office of my new job.
I played pinball machines for I think the first time? At least the first time in my adult life.
I went to local science museum Discovery World for the first time (as far as I remember) as well.
Some food I cooked for the first time: cream puffs, fondue, ice cream, chicken paprikash, baozi.
Finally went to local summer concert series Jazz in the Park.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
My resolutions for 2022 were to be more physically active (and try a fitness challenge), and to keep up with learning Italian. I bought rollerblades and did a little rollerblading (though not as much as I would've liked), I feel like I did start walking places a lot more in the summer, and I was doing a calisthenics routine for a while there, so I did at least make an attempt at being more physically active. I haven't been working on Italian as much as I'd hoped either, but I did take a six week Italian class in the spring and that was really helpful!
In 2023, I have a few resolutions:
I have a membership at a pottery studio but I don't actually use it very often. Next year I'd like to make more of a routine out of going and have something in progress at all times.
I want to make more of a habit of finding ways to use up leftover ingredients and throw away less food.
I mostly get around via the free streetcar and my car--I haven't ridden on a local city bus since before the pandemic started. I'd like to ride the bus a little more in 2023.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A friend of mine had a baby girl earlier in the year!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Fortunately no.
5. What countries did you visit?
I visited Canada for the second time, this time to stay in Montreal. I really enjoyed it there--the French was a little challenging at times but rewarding and interesting other times, the historic neighborhoods were fun to explore, I appreciated the public transit options, and I generally was very charmed by this city! I'd love to see it again someday.
6. What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?
Last year I said I wanted to find a job that I would enjoy and where I felt I could stay for a while--I'm really happy to say I did start a new job this year where I feel supported and enjoy spending time with my smart and fun coworkers.
In 2023, I'd like to have closer relationships to people who live nearby. It seems like we keep on putting off inviting people over (or out). I want to take the initiative more to see people and maintain connections.
7. What date from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
October 16, 2022 was the day I got married!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I do think it has to be planning the wedding. I've definitely never organized any event of that size and boy was it a lot of work.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't want to be overdramatic about it but it was a bummer that I worked hard on an entry to the state fair knitting competition this year and I was really proud of what I made, but I didn't place.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had my first ever root canal this year for a cracked tooth. I also developed chronic hives, which is ongoing and I'll be seeing an allergist about it in January.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A lot of the best things I acquired this year were gifts (like my ice cream maker) but I think it was sometime this year that I bought this nice water bottle from Target, and I was never really a water bottle person before but I am now.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friend @prosopopeya changed careers!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The supreme court.
14. Where did most of your money go?
It's always rent. Aside from that, wedding/honeymoon expenses and groceries.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Besides my wedding (which was sometimes as nerve-wracking as it was exciting) I got really, really, really excited when I stumbled upon the Phantom of the Opera pinball machine!!!
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2022?
Earlier in the year I got really into the Glass Animals album Dreamland (and I saw them live this year! My diving in to the album mostly came after the concert.) At the end of the year I really enjoyed the new Death Cab for Cutie album Asphalt Meadows. It was already my all-time favorite love song but our first dance at our wedding was to "Passenger Seat" by Death Cab for Cutie.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or sadder?
Happier.
ii. Older or wiser?
Wiser.
iii. Thinner or fatter?
Thinner.
iv. Richer or poorer?
Richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I had seen more theater. I already have tickets to a couple shows for next year so hopefully I can turn this around.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
I need to stop going to the grocery store so often. The pandemic had forced me to plan meals and make infrequent shopping trips and work with what I had on hand and this year I threw all of that out the window and I am constantly at the store.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
We were really relieved that we got to have a "real" Christmas this year after Covid kept us at home the past two years. We went to my parents' house on Christmas Eve, then we hosted my in-laws at our apartment Christmas morning, and then had Christmas dinner out near Madison, WI with my husbands' extended family.
21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
We plan on having a charcuterie dinner at home and then we have tickets to a speakeasy-themed event at a local bar. On New Year's Day we will maintain our tradition of attending the 36th Annual Cool Fool Kite and Ice Festival and flying our octopus kite, Squeaky Jr.
22. Did you fall in love in 2022?
I'm still in love with my new husband!
23. How many one-night stands?
None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I loved What We Do In the Shadows and Derry Girls.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I've never liked Elon Musk but boy am I tired of hearing about him causing chaos this year.
26. What was the best book you read?
I'm really proud of how much I read this year! I usually read only a few books a year but I read at least a dozen books in the last half of the year alone.
But when it comes to the best book I read... I think it has to be Dracula. I participated in Dracula Daily, an email mailing list that sends you excerpts from Dracula on the day the book says they occur, and experienced the entire book that way along with a bunch of other people on the internet.
The experience was so unique and interesting--to really get a sense of the passage of time in the story (it begins in May and ends in November), to often only get a little bit at a time which helped me appreciate little details and maybe made the more boring and long-winded bits more tolerable (I know @hrello has been suffering through this on his solo read), and to read along with lots of other people and share jokes and bits of historical context with each other. And of course the story itself, which feels actually kind of novel and refreshing after seeing vampires remixed so often in pop culture--generally, myself and people on Tumblr really rallied around the human characters in the book more than the vampires. Dracula is a novel about the power of friendship!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Bon Iver's Justin Vernon started a monthly radio show called Song Chest Radio Hour, and in one I listened to (maybe I should listen to more in 2023!) he said something like, "If you've never heard of The Roches you're in for a treat," and played their song "Hammond Song." He was right, it really is a treat.
28. What did you want and get?
Last year we bought a stand mixer and ever since I have dreamed of the stand mixer ice cream maker attachment. This year I got it as a wedding gift and it is all I ever dreamed of--I've made several different cereal-flavored ice creams and I want to experiment more.
29. What did you want and not get?
Dying waiting to see our wedding photos. The photographer still has a few weeks left, contractually, to deliver them to us so there's nothing to be annoyed about yet but we were really hoping to at least get them by Christmas. This is past the time he mentioned it usually takes him to deliver so we can't help but worry about it. (What if he sent them weeks ago and we didn't get them for some reason?) I have some cute frames waiting for photos!
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Everything Everywhere All at Once blew me away--it made me feel so much and reminded me of what makes movies great and special as an art form.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 32 this year (which hasn't really sunk in yet) and our original plan was to go to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, which I'd still like to do, but it was the Saturday after Thanksgiving and we just weren't up for it. Instead, we got breakfast at a local waffle place, went to the Public Museum to see the Streets of Old Milwaukee decorated for Christmas, had lunch and freaked out over a water leak in our apartment that required an emergency maintenance call, and then went to Discovery World. I had the Milk Bar malted chocolate cake made for me by my husband as a birthday cake.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If we hadn't had so much drama around Thanksgiving and my family canceling and then my husband's family canceling. Those big family holidays feel extra precious since the pandemic started.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?
I started working for a company that sells clothes, which does do something to a person. I feel like I approached 2022 with an open mind about my personal style, challenging some ideas about what is "me." I wore a couple dresses with low necklines. I bought an animal print sweater. I bought a cropped sweatshirt. At the same time, I embraced feeling comfortable and felt like I learned more about how to look sexy or confident or put together in a relaxed way.
34. What kept you sane?
Reading. I tried to use reading to replace some of my social media usage this year so that scrolling through feeds isn't like, my default state of being. I read a lot of books and also got a few magazine subscriptions so there's always things around to read without looking at screens.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I enjoy the cast of What We Do In the Shadows.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The mid-terms were this year and fuck Ron Johnson but the big one for me was the overturning of Roe v Wade.
37. Who did you miss?
With the whole Darren Criss in Chess thing this year, and showing my husband Spring Awakening for the first time, I really wished Jaymee were around so I could tell her about it.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My new coworkers! There are some people at my new job that I really get along with and I'm so grateful.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022:
I think weddings can be a good exercise in having reasonable expectations for what you will get out of your relationship with different members of your extended family. There can be this feeling, especially with all the tradition that is attached to a life event like that, that surely everyone will show reverence to this important moment even if they don't have a history of showing up for you in that way and... you know better, right? And I don't mean that in a bitter way but with a sense of peace.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
You've had too much of the digital love
You want everything live, you want things you can touch
Make it feel like a movie you saw in your youth
Make it feel like that song that just unopened you
Glass Animals - "Dreamland"
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Chasing Springtime
Summary: Kei Tsukishima, now in college, reacquaints himself with a childhood friend. They explore a museum together where they reminisce about their time in junior high. Old feelings that he has long shoved aside resurface.
Notes: Kaori Miyahara is an original character, but readers are free to put themselves into her shoes! This is my first fic and I love museums. There will be more chapters to come and let me know if you have any feedback.
Read it in (Ao3)
Spring (February) 2018 || Sendai Modern and Contemporary Art Museum || Sendai City || 3:00 PM
“I haven’t been to many contemporary art museums before,” Kei Tsukishima admitted as he followed Kaori Miyahara into one of the temporary exhibit galleries.
Although Tsukki hoped to work in a museum after he graduated college, he mostly envisioned a historical or science museum. He hadn’t considered any art museums because he wasn’t too familiar with them.
Growing up in the suburbs, there was not a big emphasis on the arts. Tsukki later regretted not paying more attention to the subject because it would have made the Introduction to Modern and Contemporary Arts class he was taking far less daunting. The class itself was interesting and eye opening, but he had felt like he lacked the actual experience with such art to fully appreciate the course. Towards the end of last year’s winter term, he had a conversation with his classmate Kaori visiting more museums to have a better understanding at how his courses will be useful for his planned career.
On one of the last few weeks of the winter term, he entered the classroom to find Kaori with a bunch of museum brochures spread out on her desk. He plopped on his desk next to hers and took out his notebook in preparation for their class.
“What’s with all the brochures?” he asked. Kaori was also in her first year in university. He hadn’t been classmates with her for years, but even then her desk remained messy before class. Some things never change.
Kaori turned her body towards him, sitting on the side of her chair and waved some of the brochures at him. The professor had not yet arrived, everyone was milling around talking about the upcoming spring break.
“How many of these have you actually been to?” she asked.
“I’ve been to those two and that one,” he pointed to one of the brochures on her desk. He took out his headphones and began placing his notes and pens on his desk.
“I’m sure I’ve been to more when I was younger but I haven’t been in some of these in so long I’m not sure what their interiors look like anymore.” He shrugged his shoulders.
“Did you know that there were this many museums in the area?’ she asked, stacking the brochures on her desk.
“I guess not,” he shrugged, preparing to slip his headphones back on.
“I’m taking a class on Museum Management next semester and I don’t even know what most of the museums in the area look like. I’m not updated on their latest collections or their educational programs, I can already feel myself struggling at the subject.” she sighed. He could see a cloud of gloom start to gather on her head.
Tsukki honestly felt it was a little early to be panicking for a subject that started next term. He tried to reassure her, saying that many of her classmates would be on the same boat.
“There are so many I haven’t been to. I’ve been so focused on gymnastics when I lived here. I really should go to more museums.”she mumbled with her hands cupping her face, “I mean I’ve been to more museums when I lived in Tokyo because I was injured when I lived there. it’s great and all, but I’m not really taking my internship there.”
“Same,” he sighed, putting his hands behind his head, “Not about the Tokyo museums, but about visiting more museums. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. You’re competing on both a team and as an individual gymnast. Of course that’s time consuming.”
Most gymnasts only competed on either team or individual. Kaori was technically recruited to compete on the team, but sometimes she competed on her individual because she had some difficult skills in her arsenal from her elite days.
“I actually wish we were required to go to museums every two weeks or so that we’ll be more updated about their latest collections, ne?” she mulled over with hands clasped together staring into the blackboard.
“Kaori, I’m sure most of your classmates wouldn’t have gone to that many museums either. I mean you’ll probably go to more throughout college right? Why would you ask for extra work in class? You seem to be doing pretty well.
Beside, we’re reading up on a lot of the things inside the museum. Isn’t that enough?” he said. Tsukki waved his notes. He reached out to take a handful of brochures from her desk and looked through them.
Kaori shook her head.
“Reading about history and art is very different from seeing it in front of your eyes. I feel like I understand the subject better when I know and see what they’re talk about. Visiting museums is important even if it’s not required by class, Tsukki.”
“I mean you could still do it on your own right?” he asked, with one brow up.
Kaori pouted and gave him the side eye, “You’re placing a lot of faith in my self- initiative. I mean, would you go on your own will? Regularly?”
“If I had someone to keep me accountable I guess,” he shrugged, handing the brochures back to her. Maybe she did have a point about required attendance.
Tsukki convinced her to form a museum club for two where they planned to go to museums on every other Sunday afternoon. Their first trip was to the 3M Science Museum, which catered more to Tsukki’s interest and the city museum the session after. Today it was an art museum, which was more up Kaori’s alley.
“Should we head to the temporary or permanent galleries first…” he asked, browsing through the map on the brochure. There was a temporary exhibit on Southeast Asian art, a children’s biennale of sorts and of course the permanent collections.
“We’re a little pressed. We can always visit the permanent collections another time, so the temporary exhibit might be best.” said Kaori, mentally calculating the time they should spend on the temporary collection to be able to quickly go through the permanent collection.
“My mom’s from Southeast Asia and I lived there for a few years, so I’m always curious what their art has to say especially in exhibits abroad,” she added. They presented their tickets at the counter and the staff directed them towards the Southeast Asia exhibit.
“I thought you said your mom was Chinese?” he asked, a little bit surprised. Tsukki didn’t know much about Kaori’s mother from the times he has seen her. He just knew she was Chinese because Kaori almost always perfected the kanji sections of their exam when they were in Junior High.
“Yeah, but she grew up in Southeast Asia because her parents migrated there.” she answered.
A lot of the paintings that came from the exhibit were Social-Realists, which reflected the realities and struggles of the Third World countries. The texts explained that although abstraction was a widespread movement in the region, artists feel a responsibility towards amplifying the voices of the masses.
“Cool! A movie.” she exclaimed, kicking off her boots as she hopped onto the mats. Kaori promptly sank into a chair.
Tsukki read through the exhibit caption before he followed suit. Kaori had kind of just dumped her shoes at the edge of the mat. He straightened them up and placed them besides his at a corner.
“It says the Thai artist wanted to film protests for workers rights in a rural area in Thailand, then something about it being a larger commentary on capitalism. A lot of the works here are so politically charged.” he commented, dragging a bean bag closer to her, “Does any of this match up with your experience when you lived there?”
“Not really, but you have to remember that I was really young and that my mom’s family were well-off. Majority of the people in the region are not as affluent. That and I’ve never lived in Thailand.” she sighed, “I heard the food there is really spicy.”
“Isn’t poverty a universal experience though?” he said, sitting back onto his bean bag. “I mean poverty exists here in Japan too. Why is Southeast Asian poverty so special that you would base an entire region’s works around it?”
Kaori’s eyes widened at his words. She looked at him with her eyebrow raised and her mouth ajar. Tsukki jerked back and waved his hands side to side in apology - a break from his usual demeanor.
“Ah…sorry, that’s not what I meant. What I wanted to say was ahh...their poverty seems to be branded with their Southeast Asian-ness. It’s like regular poverty mixed with...the stuff from pre-colonial Southeast Asian history class. It’s like they’re really emphasizing how Southeast Asian they are through their poverty. ” he rubbed the back of his neck as he explained, “I’m not sure I explained it that well.”
“There’s a duo from the Philippines that told me that when they do that kind of thing, they are more likely to get funding from Japan. I met them at a Yokohama show when I was in Tokyo. They regularly get grants from Japan Foundation so it must be a formula that works.” she said matter-of-factly.
“Isn’t that a little disconcerting? That they have to show themselves as poor to get funding for their art?” he asked, shaking his head, “Shouldn’t there be a better criteria for funding? Like merit or something.”
Kaori sat back and looked at him in the eye, “All this almost feels like a show of how different and advanced Japan is. Since we don’t experience this kind of poverty here, it makes people feel better about their conditions you know.” She let herself slump at her seat as she talked, “The message is this: we don’t need these movements to be widespread because these problems supposedly don’t exist.”
Tsukki was surprised at the sharpness of her words. He had never thought about art that way. I mean he knew that art could be used as propaganda, but the subtlety of nuances of a Southeast Asian contemporary art exhibit was astonishing if Kaori was indeed right.
“Ahh I’m not sure how acceptable it is to say out loud. The Japanese can be prissy about discussions on politics. The culture here is rather compliant. People would rather obey than speak up.” she said, fiddling with her jacket as she stared at the film, “ And…I think I’ve made you uncomfortable. Just so you know, I’m not accusing you of anything. Compliance is a structure. ”
He shook his head, “…more than anything I think what you said has given me something to think about. I don’t feel targeted, don’t worry.”
Her vocabulary had become so sharp and radical. Kaori had the tendency to be critical about politics from an early age or “edgy” as some of the schoolmates would describe her, but even this caught him a little off guard.
“Besides, just because this is all propaganda doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy its other merits,” he said standing up and preparing to leave.
Another couple entering the matted space turned to look at Tsukki. He looked slightly embarrassed.
“That’s right my leftist friend,” she said, winking at him, laughing inside at his discomfort. Tsukki nudged her side as she put her shoes back on.
“God, Kaori! You can be so cheeky sometimes.” he gritted his teeth, muttering at her, helping her up.
“Apologies, comrade.” she teased, walking on her tiptoes towards the next installation.
In the middle of the exhibit was a video installation that filled an entire wall. Mats covered the floor and bean bag chairs were spread all around encouraging visitors to sit and watch the film. A few visitors looking to rest were seated in the area. It looked like a casual film-viewing experience. After sitting in the area for a few minutes, they quickly moved onto to other works.
Tsukki’s favorite installation was probably one from Singapore. There wasn’t much text available about it, except that it made use of Ryuichi Sakamoto’s works such as Andata and Ubi that it was previously exhibited in the National Singapore Gallery.
The installation was fenced like a loose, dark maze. It was pitch black except for the patches of light emanating from tablet sized screens showing vignettes of apartment living rooms at night. The living rooms were shown from different angles all illuminated by TV screens as music by Sakamato, a renowned film music composer played in the background. Each tablet played a different piece.
“I like this one,” he said approvingly, “It’s unlike anything we’ve read in class.It’s more than paintings on walls. It’s a whole room of art!”
“It’s a great way to portray isolation in the cities.” she nodded.
Tsukki had barely pinpointed what he liked about the exhibit. Kaori had already summed up what it was about. The closest work they’ve discussed at class in relation to the installation was probably Rothko, an American abstractionist who painted huge canvases of color in hopes of moving people through the sheer size and emotion emanating from the painting.
“Reminds me of Edward Hopper,” she said, bending down a bit, to look at one of the screens.
Tsukki, who was peering at one the screens placed so low he had to crouch to be able to look, sat up straight. Hopper…that name seemed familiar. He probably took it up in his modern art class last semester. Maybe an American artist.
“American modernist who portrayed isolation of the city living. He had some works portraying how empty cities were during World War 2.” she said, as if reading her thoughts. “The professor barely mentioned it. I became a huge fan of his work when I was younger.”
Tsukki breathed a sigh of relief. Today was a Sunday, but he felt like he was being tested in school. Both of them took their time viewing each tablet, relishing in the details of each screen. They had stayed long enough that the music began to change to atmospheric noises and other atmospheric music.
Kaori had decided she was done before Tsukki was, so she sauntered over his side about a meter away, as not to pressure him to finish up. He sensed she was done and turned to her.
“Do you like this installation?” he asked. Her shape barely carved itself in the dark, but he could hear her breathing softly and the rustling of her jacket gave way where she stood while patiently waiting for him to finish.
“I do. The use of music makes me think about how different this installation would be if the music choices were switched. Andata is looming and melancholic right? It sounds like a silent scream. It heightens the alienation implied by the empty living rooms. If I changed it into something else, the feel would be totally different.” she whispered so quickly that he had to replay what she said in his head.
Tsukki could sense Kaori was brewing with ideas. She sounded excited, and a little distracted by her own thoughts as if a million thoughts were racing in her head.
“What song would you put in place to change the mood?” he asked.
Kaori brought out her phone. She looked around to see if the light would distract other viewers. Thankfully there was no one else in the installation. She tapped his headphones around his neck indicating that she wanted to borrow his chord. He drew out the chord from his phone in his pocket and handed it to her. His fingers touched the center of her palm.
Illuminated by the light of her phone, Kaori instructed him to look at the nearest screen. He put his headphones on. She played Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes which was a song from the fifties sung by a barbershop quartet. The song transformed the living into a scene of possible domestic bliss. The modern living room juxtaposed with a vintage song created the semblance of residents that liked a fun throwback.
She wiggled her finger and pressed another song, playing “Careless Whisper by George Michael". Tsukki smirked, suppressing his laughter. This was a sharp contrast to Sakamoto and Chordettes’ pieces indeed. He took out his headphones.
“But what would you play to describe your own living room?” he asked.
Kaori thought for a moment and searched through her phone, her face barely lit.
“Ahh” she exclaimed, gesturing for him to put his headphones back. The piece she played combined ambient noises in a park such as the croaking of frogs and chirping of birds and layered with a piano composition that mimicked the sensation of light rains and wind.
“Your living room in Karasuno?” he guessed. Considering he lived next door, the sounds they heard in their backyard were pretty similar.
Kaori nodded, “Sounds like your living room too when you open the windows.”
Kaori and Tsukki were neighbors during Junior High. Although Kaori’s schedule was always tight (even during their breaks) because she wanted to compete at the elite level of gymnastics, they spent many whatever time they had free in each other’s backyard, tossing a volleyball around or watching shows on Tsukki’s computer.
Sometime in their second year, Tsukki became embarrassed about being seen around Kaori in school because their classmates would tease them together. At a time when first crushes and romances were novel, Tsukki found the whole thing an irritable debacle. Although he easily stood up to bullies, the teasing still got to him. He didn’t want people to think Kaori was his girlfriend. Tsukki’s distancing did not sit well with Kaori. She understood his concern but felt that it wasn’t an excuse to stop being friends.
One afternoon, when Kaori’s parents weren’t home. She thought it was the perfect opportunity to hang out with him because there was no one around. The sound of a volleyball being tossed up in the air indicated that Tsukki was out playing in his backyard. It was a relatively peaceful day. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, frogs were croaking in the distance. Tsukki’s footsteps lightly scratched on the dirt beneath his feet.
She climbed the brick wall between them and propped herself up on her forearms.
“Tsukki! Tsukki! Hey!!!” she said, struggling to keep herself on the wall. Tsukki turned to the direction of the wall. He was jolted by the sound of her voice, stumbling back on his own feet.
“How did you climb the wall? What are you doing??” He hissed, scrambling to stand back up. Kaori was like a monkey sometimes.
“Do you wanna watch a musical? Let’s watch a musical!” she smiled, waving at him.
“No.” he sternly pouted, folding his arms and staring at her. He was determined to spend less time with her, the memory of school teasing still fresh on his mind.
“You just don’t wanna hang out with me, because I’m a girl right? If I was a boy, you’d totally hang out with me like Yamaguchi!” she yelled, “You’re not even busy-”
Kaori lost her grip on the wall and slipped down the wall. Tsukki gasped. He heard a thud into the dirt. In a shot of adrenaline, he scrambled up his side of the wall to check if she was alright.
“Kaori! Are you okay?” he asked, holding himself up on the wall. His feet were slipping. He urged himself to stay up.
Kaori sat on her butt. She rolled backwards and quickly stood on her feet.
“I’m fine. Thanks. Didn’t think you’d be concerned,” she said, sticking her tongue out at me “since you don’t want to be friends anymore looks like it.”
“I just don’t want people teasing that you’re my girlfriend because you’re not.” he said, his brows furrowed.
“Why can’t you just tell that? Do you really have to go around avoiding me sometimes? If you don’t want to be friends, I’ll just go find new friends!!!” she said out loud, crossing her arms. Kaori made friends easily, Tsukki had no doubt that she could easily find someone else to bother.
“Everyone nearby is kind of in college. Who are you going to be friends with?” he said, cocking his head.
“I’ll bike to the next corner!” she called out, raising her voice at Tsukki who was struggling to stay hanging on the wall.
Tsukki couldn’t hold on anymore and slipped back down to the dirt of his backyard. He tried to climb back up. He couldn’t. Although he was tall, he was relatively skinny for his height. He didn’t have a lot of strength or athleticism.
“Ok, fine let’s watch a musical. Just don’t be so noisy. You can come over. Bring your own headphones.” he sighed, talking to her from his side of the wall.
When he didn’t hear a reply, he called her name, “Kaori?” Had she gone into her house in deliberate measure to ignore him?
Kaori managed to climb on the wall with her arms folded in front of her.
“Yes? Did you try climbing over again? I heard some scuffles on the wall.” she grinned with a glint in her eye. Tsukki could just feel that she enjoyed watching him struggle.
“Just come,” he scowled, rolling his eyes.
“Ok!” she smiled, dropping back down into her side.
The two spent the next hour and a half in the Tsukishima family living room watching a live recording of “Singing in the Rain” off a computer. They sat squeezed together on the couch with the computer placed on each of their laps. Kaori tapped her fingers to the beat of the songs. Tsukki lightly hummed to the few melodies he was familiar with. Both fully absorbed in the story set at the end of the silent film era.
After they watched the musical, Tsukki got Kaori to toss the volleyball for him in his backyard.
“You should do a routine to ‘Singing in the Rain’! It would look cool with your clubs or hoop apparatus.” he said excitedly. He promised to get Yamaguchi to watch her competition if she did the said routine.
“I think it would be quite good with the hoops too! Hopefully my coach will let me do it next season. Almost everyone does Pop or Classical music in rhythmic gymnastics, it can get really boring.” she sighed, changing her toss to an underhand receive. She hit the incoming ball and sent it up high.
“Nice receive! You’re really improving.” he said, watching where the ball was falling. He promptly catches it with an overhand toss.
“Thanks, it’s from all this tossing that we’re doing.” she said, her eyes glued to the ball.
While they toss the ball back and forth, Tsukki begins whistling the main melody of Singing in the Rain.
“How do you do that? I’ve always wanted to whistle! ” she asked, trying to whistle but to no avail. Tsukki shrugs his shoulders. He tries to teach her how to shape her lips. Kaori tries a couple of times and sighs in defeat. His whistling blends in with the sound of chirping birds and they continue to play until dinnertime.
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“Who wrote this piece? It’s great.” he said, moving his headphones back down to his neck gesturing to ask for her phone.
“Belle Chen, she’s a contemporary classical musician. You should download her music” she said, showing him her profile. “What would you play to describe your house?”
“Sukiyaki is something my mom would play.” he thought. His mother had a penchant for 60’s pop songs that she would blast while she cleaned and cooked.
The two exited the installation into a series of dimly lit installations. They found themselves out on a hallway with colorful glass with a long net of wind-chimes on the ceiling.
“Pity that they didn’t put this outdoors. The wind would create more variations with the sound. Here it’s just being regularly blasted by the air conditioning.” she commented.
As Tsukki’s eyes adjusted to the light, he rebutted, “Maybe they placed the chimes here not for the source of wind, but for the light source. If this installation was outdoors, if this whole hallways was outdoors…the transition from a series of dimly lit areas into the sun would be quite jarring. The artificial light with the gentle rustling of the chimes would be a gentle reminder to the senses about the transition of spaces.”
Kaori still thought the chimes were best placed outside, reminiscent of the sound of chimes and bells during a temple visit but Tsukki did make a good argument for its current placement. They sat on the benches laid out on the hallway, listening to the chimes.
“What about here? What music will you play here?” he asked.
Kaori didn’t even blink. She extended her hand for his chord and plugged him in then played Sudden Rush of Memories by the Shanghai Restoration Project. Electronic synth music filled syncopations at the start that mellowed as it went on. Piano mixed with mimicked shuttling of a passing. It was colorful and evocative of a transcendental past.
It reminded Tsukki of the rustling of the wind, trees and sunlight peeking through the branches of “The Spot”. His first adventure at “The Spot” when he was pedalling home after an afternoon spent at his volleyball youth group when he was 12 turning 13 on his first year in Junior High. He opted not to compete in his Junior High varsity team so his brother suggested that he sometimes practice with the adults from the town association to sharpen his skills in between his regular youth group. Practice had run later than usual and the sky was getting dark fast. He felt relieved that he didn’t have school the next day, so even if he had morning practice, he would have time to rest tonight.
On the last slope of the hill before he reached the street of his home, he heard a frantic pedalling from behind that threatened to derail his peaceful downward descent. He swiftly looked back to find Kaori Miyahara wide-eyed and struggling to control her bike at the frenzied speed she was going.
In a split second decision, Tsukki hit the brakes on his bike and swerved into the nearest wall he could find to prevent colliding with Kaori. He lightly hit himself on the wall, relatively unscathed. Kaori hastily pulled the brakes as soon as she made it down hill. She pressed so hard that she almost flew off her bike.
Tsukki pedalled down and told her to watch where she was going as she picked herself up onto her bike.
“Can you watch where you’re going next time? That was reckless and dangerous!” he told her off. He re-adjusted his glasses and put himself back onto his bike.
Kaori seemed shaken up and as she looked up to apologise to him her eyes were at the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry!” she said, bowing her head.
Her shoulders started shaking as she slowly lifted her head. Tsukki’s eyes widened. He was tall, even for someone who was 12, so even if Kaori was over 5 feet tall, she looked terribly small to him, especially when she cowered as she cried and pitiable. He held back his impulse to call her lame.
“It’s alright. Hey, look it’s not a big deal.” he nodded, dusting himself returning to his usual nonchalant tone. Kaori would not stop crying. He sighed and got off his bike.
“I said it’s not a big deal. Why are you still crying?” he said, scratching the back of his head in genuine confusion. He had never really made someone cry outside of a volleyball game before.
In between sobs, Kaori explained that she had an early day off from gymnastics today and she had planned to find a spot that overlooked Sendai City to see the sunset. Her friend had suggested a spot and gave her directions, but she was lost for over an hour. With her curfew in mind, she started panicking while trying to make her way home finally coming out into a familiar street just about 10 minutes ago.
“This has been a terrible afternoon!” she hissed in frustration, “I even brought my analogue camera and everything. and now I feel like I’m about to get in trouble for coming home late.”
Tsukki resisted the urge not to laugh. Kaori was crying and fuming at the same time, it was like she couldn’t choose between which emotion to feel first.
“Where is this place?” he said, trying to sound serious. After picking up Kaori’s bike off the road, he walked beside his own bike. “Enough biking for today, let’s walk home.”
Kaori described a spot right off the main road. She said it was somewhere uphill near a small park of sorts where one could see the view of Sendai from a mildly sloping patch of grass. Tsukki kind of knew the general area that Kaori described but he hadn’t been there himself.
“Why don’t you just ask your friend to go with you?” he suggested.
“Well, Yuhana-chan lives in the opposite direction of that spot. It’s very far from her house, she will need her parents to drive her there if she really wants to go.” Kaori thought aloud.
Tsukki offered to draw a map that she could use to get to the said spot for tomorrow after gymnastics.
“Should I pack lunch and just eat there after gymnastics?” she pondered.
“The spot seems nearer from home than your gym. Besides it might be too hot there if you go during lunch. Might as well just go first before you head out in the afternoon.
Besides, there is no way that I’m doing that map tonight, so you’ll have to come back for it after lunch.” he said, raising his nose at her.
Kaori, who was absorbed in her own thoughts about the next day’s adventures, was unfazed by Tsukki’s expression. If the spot seemed warm, she definitely needed to pack snacks and something to drink.
“Sure, thanks Tsukki!” she said heading to her house while waving at him, “See you tomorrow.”
Tsukki rolled his eyes at her. She seemed to have forgotten her day’s ordeals already. Kaori rolled her bike into her house and Tsukki rolled his bike into the side of their house. While he took off his shoes, his brother peered out of the dining room to greet him.
“Okairi, Kei.” he smiled warmly. Unlike Kei, Akiteru was warm, friendly and cheerful. He was affectionate and supportive of his younger brother, conscious that his brother looked up to him. Like Kei, Akiteru was a volleyball player and an ace in Junior High. Tsukki idolized him both in and out of the court.
“Kei, you’re later than usual. Did practice run late to today?” asked Akiteru.
“Practice was alright. Miyahara-san got lost and panicked. She almost crashed into me on her way down the hill because she was rushing home. She was crying for a bit and I didn’t know what to do so I waited for her to stop crying.”
“Oh, is she ok?” Akiteru’s face was marked with concern. He hadn’t expected something so serious to have happened.
“Yeah, it’s like she forgot all about it when she saw her home.” he snorted.
The boys’ mother called them for dinner and the two quickly washed up before heading for the table. After dinner, Kei insisted that his brother helped him practice his passes and receives in their backyard. As Akiteru was tossing the ball and instructing him to bend his knees some more, he asked more about Kei’s day.
“Kao-chan is a free-spirited ne?” he said, passing him the ball through an underhand toss.
“She’s so dramatic. She cries over nothing.” Kei sniffed, receiving his brother’s toss with perfect timing.
“Hmmm…it wasn’t because you were being mean to her or anything right?” Akiteru raised his brow, looking at Tsukki straight in the eye. His younger brother could be cold to kids his age. He felt that Tsukki didn’t have many friends not because he wasn’t likable or inherently a bad person, it was because he didn’t try to be nicer.
Kei hesitated and looked to the side.
“No!…” he exclaimed.
Akiteru raised both of his brows at his little brother.
“…no? Maybe?” he muttered crossing his arms grumpily, “I told her to be more careful that’s all.”
Akiteru laughed and hit him on his side, “Kei, you are a terrible liar!”
Kei cursed quietly. His brother knew him too well.
After lunch the next day, Tsukki knocked at Kaori’s door with the map at hand. She answered the door and peered closely at his map.
“I won’t get lost if I follow exactly this map, right? This is not a prank.” she said, examining the roads he had labelled onto the paper.
“Why would I make a wrong map? That’s too much work.” he said, sounding exasperated that Kaori had doubted him. He was waiting for her to deem the map usable; they stood on her front porch.
“Are you super sure that this is right?” she said, rubbing her chin with her fingers while continuing to inspect the map then peered at him.
“I’ve never actually been there.” he confessed sheepishly.
“I’ll just go with you. I kind of know where it is but I don’t know where the exact place is.” he added, “When I get bored I’ll just bike back.” He was curious what this spot looked like. His brother was in practice anyways so he had nothing better to do.
“Sounds fair,” she said, accepting his offer with her hands on her hips.
Tsukki went back home to grab his book, his phone and his bike. The two met just outside their houses and biked off with Tsukki in the lead. The path to the spot was long winding and a little off the main road. It was overwhelmingly uphill that Tsukki for a while wondered if they should’ve just walked.
After a few wrong turns, they finally found the spot. Just as Kaori’s friend described, there was a patch of grass and a glorious view of the city from a vantage point with plenty of trees. The summer breeze blew by gently. The sight took their breath away.
“Wow….” said Kaori under her breath. She parked her bike on the ground and took her things from the basket. Kaori outstretched her arms and smiled. The wind tousled her hair and jacket.
Tsukki settled himself under a tree and put on his headphones. He opened his book and folded his legs onto himself. He swiftly lost himself in his reading.
Kaori followed suit and sat near him. She pulled a bento box of sesame cookies and a thermos accompanied by two cups from her bag as well as her watercolor set, sketchpad and camera. Occasional gusts of wind would block her eyes with her hair, but she did not seem to mind. Kaori was busy being content.
When Kaori remembered the food she had set out, she tapped Tsukki on the shoulder and pointed towards the cookies. He took a cookie, thanked her and went back to the book. She poured herself some tea before standing up to take a photo of the view.
The two hardly talked while they immersed themselves in their separate worlds for the afternoon. Kaori sat painting away while Tsukki read with his headphones on. Kaori had packed her own music, but she decided that she liked the sounds of the wind rustling tree branches better.
As Kaori flipped through another page in her sketchpad, she looked up to see that Tsukki had fallen asleep with his hand on an opened book over his chest. She took another cookie and laid on her back. The light penetrating through the leaves of the trees filled her view. She held the cookie with her teeth and took a photo of the sky with her camera.
The click from her camera woke Tsukki from his light sleep. He blinked and turned towards her. Kaori took another photo of the sky for safe keeping - her film camera wasn’t always reliable.
“I like the light from here.” she sighed softly, “It’s like it’s leaking through the sky.”
“Isn’t there a word for that? Komorebi? The light that filters through the trees?” he yawned, picking up his book back up.
“Komorebi?” she whispered to herself. She liked it how it sounded and repeated it to herself a few more times. She stuck out her arms to see the shadows of the tree play on herself.
Tsukki went back to his book. She sat back up to continue to paint. They spent the afternoon on the grass, peaceful and unhurried.When the sunset became apparent, Tsukki began packing his things, preparing to leave.
“It’s time to go,” he said, “It’s getting late.”
Kaori had begun packing her things too. Her empty thermos was stowed beside the cups in her bag. She was carefully putting her brushes away then turned to him.
“Tsukki, but the sunset is just getting good. This is the best part! Can’t we stay a little longer?” she said, unable to look away from the magnificent gradients of the sky.
“I’m going to go ahead, you can stay.” he frowned, walking towards his bike.
“But I’m not sure I remember how to go home. Can’t we stay a little longer….please???” she pleaded, clasping her hands together.
“10 more minutes!” he sighed, sitting back down beside her.
Kaori brought out her camera and snapped a photo of the sunset oohing and ahhing its colors.
“Tsukki, you should have a photo with this view.” she insisted, shuffling him towards the front of the camera.
“Eh? No!” he said, standing his ground as she gently but firmly shoved him away from the tree.
“Come on, how else will you commemorate the discovery of this spot?” she said, poking his side, “Smile ok? Film is expensive. I can only take a few pictures, not like a digital camera.”
Tsukki begrudgingly humored her and smiled in front of the camera. Afterwards, Kaori asked him to take her photo too.
When the photos were taken and the camera was packed away, they headed back down the hill towards their homes. Kaori tried not to yell as her bike plunged down the steep hill. Tsukki biked behind her, afraid to bike in front her after yesterday’s mishap. He gritted his teeth and his bike accelerated into a speed that almost flattened his glasses against his face.
They biked quietly side by side after the hill. The ride was generally silent until Kaori spoke up.
“Thanks for today, Tsukki. That spot is the best place around here. You know I was starting to think this place was boring!” she beamed, “though I was thinking maybe next time we should just walk if it wasn’t so far…”
“We?! You’re planning to drag me here again?” he exclaimed, patting his hair back into place as he saw their street approaching. The sky was holding out its last light, turning into a light shade of purple.
“I mean you don’t have to come back, but I will keep going there and you can come if you like. It’s your spot now too!” she said, turning towards him.
Tsukki never had a spot to consider his before. He had his room, but that wasn’t really the same.
From then on, they knew that patch of grass as “The Spot”. Kaori would return to it. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Tsukki through the rest of her time in Miyagi. When she moved away, it was one of the places she missed the most.
“Kind of reminds me of The Spot…” he murmured, a little nervous as he spoke. Ever since he met Kaori in class, they haven’t really spoken about their past.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been there.” she wondered.
“Yeah, it has been, for us both but more for you I guess.” he said, turning towards her.
“Did you still go there after I transferred out?” she asked, turning to face him. Her eyes were wide and curious. He looked away.
He nodded, “Once in a while. The piece reminds me of our first afternoon there. It was a little windy, we watched the view. You painted and I read.”
Kaori looked the other way, “We’ve been there so many times, I don’t really remember the first time. It feels like all my memories there have blended together some days.” She sounded quiet and a little embarrassed that she couldn’t remember more.
“At the end of the afternoon, you took a photo. I took one of you too. We watched a bit of the sunset, but we had to go back and you had already asked for ten minutes.” he said, staring down pretending to look at the piece’s cover art.
Kaori kept silent, her hands on her lap. Leaving Miyagi was such a painful memory for her. She tried to leave her memories behind when she landed in Tokyo.
“Why choose to come back to Sendai? You seem suited towards Tokyo.” he asked, genuinely curious. He stared at her, puzzled that she willingly came back to a place that she admitted had brought her so much pain. Kaori was not one for rural and suburban living too. She was a city girl at heart. Tokyo sounded perfect.
“Two words. Scholarship offer. The university offered me a full-ride plus allowance. I didn’t have my National Team funding so it would be expensive to continue doing gymnastics on my own.” she admitted.
Kaori checked the time. They had a little more than an hour before the museum closed.
“Let’s breeze through the permanent collection,” she suggested, changing the topic.
——————————————————
Once Kaori’s feet hit the tatami of her apartment, she hurriedly went through her boxes of photos which she brought with her from her time in Miyagi prefecture and later Tokyo. She found a box labelled “Junior High”. After a few minutes of searching, she found a pile of photos labelled "Others" which she used to refer to any event that didn’t have to do with her family, school and gymnastics life.
Her fingers find two copies of the same photo of Tsukki with their first sunset at The Spot. One of the copies had writings on the back.
She had written “Thanks for bringing me here, Tsukki. We should go back!” in her script, signed with her name and the date. She must have meant to give this to him, but totally forgot.
The photo untangled their many memories in The Spot and brought back a rush of memories specific to their first afternoon: the light from the trees, the cookies and Tsukki falling asleep beside her with his book. It had been almost six years and Tsukki still remembered it all as clear as day.
Kaori picked up her phone to text him. “You were right, I did take a photo. I found it. Will bring it to you when we see each other at uni. Find me in the library tomorrow?”
In the next hour, Kaori sat on her floor and flipped through her photos from that spring. She played “Sudden Rush of Memories” by The Shanghai Restoration Project as she carefully inspected each photo to see if she remembered when they were taken and with whom. At each syncopation and rest in the music, she felt her heart stop as she reminisced on her past that she had buried when she moved to Tokyo. The nostalgia of her time in junior High mixed with memory of her injuries and her parents’ separation brought a wave of inexplicable emotions.
The next day Kaori was in the library trying to cram some study time between her last class and her training when Tsukki pulled out a chair across her and brought out his books.
“How did you find me?” she jolted up, visibly surprised.
“You sat at this spot the last time I was in the library, thought I’d find you here again.” he said in hushed tones, “and didn’t you tell me to find you in the library before your training?”
Kaori ignored his question and slipped the photo to him. Tsukki’s expression asked whether she was lending or giving it to him. She flipped the photo over to show him the writing.
“I had two copies made because I wanted to make sure you got your own. It’s yours now.” she explained quietly.
Tsukki carefully slipped the photo into one of his books and began studying. He had some time before his training began. They sat absorbed in their separate worlds, catching up with their school work and passing the hours of their afternoon allowed by their schedules with their books.
When Tsukki got home after his training, his brother had already laid out dinner on the table. He had made cabbage salad, and pork cutlet curry bowls on top of the usual miso soup and rice. Akiteru greeted him brightly and shuffled dinner from the kitchen counter to their dining table.
“Let’s eat!” he said, gesturing for his younger brother to come sit. Tsukki put away his things and brought out one of his books from his bag.
Tsukki nods. He quickly puts his sweaty clothes away. His usual bag was getting smelly, he aired out his books while on his desk. He brought out one book to read during dinner.
Akiteru noticed the photo slipped into the book. He pulled it out to look at it. He flipped it around surprised to see the handwritten note at the back.
‘Who took this photo?” he casually flips the photo surprised to find the writing at the back. He smiles a bit.
“I didn’t know you kept this after all these years.”
“I didn’t. I met Kaori the other day. She gave me this.”
Akiteru raised his brows, eyes widening as he inspected the photo. He hadn’t heard about her since she left. When she moved, he assumed it was permanent. What brought her back?
“She’s in Miyagi again?” he commented with a neutral tone.
“Sports scholarship offer from the university,” said Tsukki.
“We were in the same class last semester and I ran into her the other day. That’s all.” explained Tsukki, sipping through his miso soup. His tone indicated that was the end of the topic.
Akiteru nodded and backed away from the topic. His younger brother was not ready to talk about it. He put the photo down and began digging through his rice.
Kaori’s relationship with Kei was unique in many aspects. For one, he calls her by her first name despite his persistent habit of addressing his few close friends strictly by their last names. Kei had always been private about the time he spent with Kaori. Even when the two were close, Kei kept his stories and comments about Kaori to a minimum.
After chores and homework were said and done, Tsukki laid down on his bed. He took the photo back out and played “Sudden Rush of Memories” with his headphones on. The piece took him back to many an afternoon, lying flat on his back as the spring breeze gently blew by. He could hear Kaori’s camera clicking beside him. Closing his eyes as if he was back on “The Spot” for the first time, he placed his hand on his chest and dozed off into the night.
----------------------------------------------------
Read the rest of the chapters:
|| Chap. 2 (AO3) || Chap. 3
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MRS. COOPER’S BOYFRIEND
February 10, 1950
“Mrs. Cooper’s Boyfriend” is episode #75 of the radio series MY FAVORITE HUSBAND broadcast on February 10, 1950.
Synopsis ~ Liz decides that the only way to keep George's mother from coming over on Valentine’s Day is to get her a boyfriend.
“My Favorite Husband” was based on the novels Mr. and Mrs. Cugat, the Record of a Happy Marriage (1940) and Outside Eden (1945) by Isabel Scott Rorick, which had previously been adapted into the film Are Husbands Necessary? (1942). “My Favorite Husband” was first broadcast as a one-time special on July 5, 1948. Lucille Ball and Lee Bowman played the characters of Liz and George Cugat, and a positive response to this broadcast convinced CBS to launch “My Favorite Husband” as a series. Bowman was not available Richard Denning was cast as George. On January 7, 1949, confusion with bandleader Xavier Cugat prompted a name change to Cooper. On this same episode Jell-O became its sponsor. A total of 124 episodes of the program aired from July 23, 1948 through March 31, 1951. After about ten episodes had been written, writers Fox and Davenport departed and three new writers took over – Bob Carroll, Jr., Madelyn Pugh, and head writer/producer Jess Oppenheimer. In March 1949 Gale Gordon took over the existing role of George’s boss, Rudolph Atterbury, and Bea Benaderet was added as his wife, Iris. CBS brought “My Favorite Husband” to television in 1953, starring Joan Caulfield and Barry Nelson as Liz and George Cooper. The television version ran two-and-a-half seasons, from September 1953 through December 1955, running concurrently with “I Love Lucy.” It was produced live at CBS Television City for most of its run, until switching to film for a truncated third season filmed (ironically) at Desilu and recasting Liz Cooper with Vanessa Brown.
MAIN CAST
Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.
Richard Denning (George Cooper) was born Louis Albert Heindrich Denninger Jr., in Poughkeepsie, New York. When he was 18 months old, his family moved to Los Angeles. Plans called for him to take over his father’s garment manufacturing business, but he developed an interest in acting. Denning enlisted in the US Navy during World War II. He is best known for his roles in various science fiction and horror films of the 1950s. Although he teamed with Lucille Ball on radio in “My Favorite Husband,” the two never acted together on screen. While “I Love Lucy” was on the air, he was seen on another CBS TV series, “Mr. & Mrs. North.” From 1968 to 1980 he played the Governor on “Hawaii 5-0″, his final role. He died in 1998 at age 84.
Gale Gordon (Rudolph Atterbury) and Bea Benadaret (Iris Atterbury) are not heard in this episode.
Ruth Perrott (Katie, the Maid) was also later seen on “I Love Lucy.” She first played Mrs. Pomerantz (above right), a member of the surprise investigating committee for the Society Matrons League in “Pioneer Women” (ILL S1;E25), as one of the member of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League in “Lucy and Ethel Buy the Same Dress” (ILL S3;E3), and also played a nurse when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). She died in 1996 at the age of 96.
Bob LeMond (Announcer) also served as the announcer for the pilot episode of “I Love Lucy”. When the long-lost pilot was finally discovered in 1990, a few moments of the opening narration were damaged and lost, so LeMond – fifty years later – recreated the narration for the CBS special and subsequent DVD release.
GUEST CAST
Eleanor Audley (Leaticia Cooper, George’s Mother) previously played this character in “George is Messy” and “Dinner for 12″. She would later play Eleanor Spalding, owner of the Westport home the Ricardos buy in “Lucy Wants To Move to the Country” (ILL S6;E15) in 1957, as well as one of the Garden Club judges in “Lucy Raises Tulips” (ILL S6;E26).
Hans Conried (Mr. Anderson) first co-starred with Lucille Ball in The Big Street (1942). He then appeared on “I Love Lucy” as used furniture man Dan Jenkins in “Redecorating” (ILL S2;E8) and later that same season as Percy Livermore in “Lucy Hires an English Tutor” (ILL S2;E13) – both in 1952. The following year he began an association with Disney by voicing Captain Hook in Peter Pan. On “The Lucy Show” he played Professor Gitterman in “Lucy’s Barbershop Quartet” (TLS S1;E19) and in “Lucy Plays Cleopatra” (TLS S2;E1). He was probably best known as Uncle Tonoose on “Make Room for Daddy” starring Danny Thomas, which was filmed on the Desilu lot. He joined Thomas on a season 6 episode of “Here’s Lucy” in 1973. He died in 1982 at age 64.
Hal March (Mr. Jenkins / Mr. Crockett) first appeared on the “I Love Lucy” in “Lucy Fakes Illness” (ILL S1;E16) using his own name to play an actor posing as the doctor who diagnoses Lucy with ‘golbloots.’ March got his first big break when he was cast as Harry Morton on “The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show” in 1950. He eventually lost the part to Fred Clark who producers felt was better paired with Bea Benaderet, who played Blanche, and here plays Iris Atterbury. He stayed with the show in other roles, the last airing just two weeks before his appearance as Eddie Grant in “Lucy is Matchmaker” (ILL S2;E27). In 1966 he was seen on “The Lucy Show.”
Frank Nelson (J.Q. Williams, Chairman of the Bank) was born on May 6, 1911 (three months before Lucille Ball) in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He started working as a radio announcer at the age of 15. He later appeared on such popular radio shows as “The Great Gildersleeve,” “Burns and Allen,” and “Fibber McGee & Molly”. This is one of his 11 performances on “My Favorite Husband.” On “I Love Lucy” he holds the distinction of being the only actor to play two recurring roles: Freddie Fillmore and Ralph Ramsey, as well as six one-off characters, including the frazzled train conductor in “The Great Train Robbery” (ILL S5;E5), a character he repeated on “The Lucy Show.” Aside from Lucille Ball, Nelson is perhaps most associated with Jack Benny and was a fifteen-year regular on his radio and television programs.
EPISODE
ANNOUNCER: “As we look in on the Coopers it’s morning. George Cooper is eating breakfast, while Liz in the kitchen talking to Katie, the maid.”
Liz is planning the menu for an intimate Valentine’s Day dinner with George.
LIZ: “Hearts of beef, hearts of artichoke, hearts of lettuce, heart-shaped candy, and heart-shaped cake.”
KATIE: “That oughta give ya heart-shaped heartburn!”
Liz joins George for breakfast and notices that he has nicked himself shaving - several times.
LIZ: “You look like you have your face up in paper curlers.”
Liz confesses she used George’s razor to string beans! Liz apologizes with a smooch. She brings up Valentine’s Day, and George breaks it to her that his mother is coming. George reminds Liz that his mother always spends the holidays with them.
LIZ: “It’s Valentine’s Day, not Halloween! Can’t we give her a rain check until Groundhog Day or something?”
Groundhog Day is an American folk tradition established in Pennsylvania around 1840, that supposes that if a groundhog comes out of his burrow and sees his shadow, we are in for six more weeks of winter. The tradition has inspired a Hollywood film and a Broadway musical. Since the date is traditionally February 2 (before Valentine’s Day), Liz is really extending her hospitality into 1951! 1955′s “Lucy Goes to a Rodeo” (ILL S5;E8) opens with Ricky penciling in Lucy for a kiss on February 2nd, which Lucy notes is Groundhog Day.
Liz is upset that her romantic dinner for two will become a threesome. she suggests that if his mother wants to celebrate Valentine’s Day she should get a boyfriend. George says she has no interest in men.
LIZ: “Well, she did once. Or did she win you in a game of Canasta?”
Canasta is a card game of the rummy family devised around 1939. It is most commonly played by four in two partnerships with two standard decks of cards. The game was mentioned several times on episodes of “I Love Lucy.”
George comes around to the idea of getting his mother a boyfriend - but who?
LIZ: “Gee, all I can think of is the Smithsonian Institute!”
In “Never Do Business With Friends” (ILL S2;E31), Ethel complains that her washing machine is old enough to belong in the Smithsonian Institution. Dubbed ‘the Nation’s attic’, the Smithsonian museums (located primarily in Washington DC) will be mentioned again in reference to the antique Cadillac that Fred buys for the trip to Hollywood.
George rushes off to work. The new bank Chairman is visiting. Liz tells Katie to plan to serve three for Valentine’s Day dinner. Liz says that her mother-in-law uses any excuse to visit - even Boys Week.
Boys (and Girls) Week was a movement to help build citizenship among youth. The movement began in 1920 with boys. In 1934, Boys Week became known as Youth Week, and in 1936, Boys and Girls Week. A project of the Rotary International, their sponsorship ceased in 1954.
Liz has invited Mother Cooper (Eleanor Audley) over to talk about the idea and before they know it, she has arrived.
LIZ (to Katie): “Well, speak of the devil-in-law.”
KATIE (hushed): “How does she get in the house so quietly?”
LIZ: “She’s got a muffler on her broom.”
No sooner is she in the kitchen when she is telling Liz that there’s dust on top of her bookcase. Liz quickly changes the subject to dating.
MOTHER COOPER: “It would be nice to have dates, but not a man!”
LIZ: “Not a man!?! Well, I don’t know any kangaroos!”
Mother Cooper is intrigued by the idea, but doesn’t think anyone would be interested in a woman of her age.
MOTHER COOPER: “The man isn’t man living who’d have plain old me!”
LIZ: “Well, we’ll dig someone up.”
Mrs. Cooper describes her ideal man. Liz urges her to compromise. Mother insists he is only 41 years old. As she leaves, she tells Liz to forget the whole thing.
Katie tells Liz to try looking at the Sheridan Falls Friendship Center, where her sister found all her husbands.
LIZ: “Katie, I’ll do it! I’m going to get a man for Mother Cooper if I have to get an Erector Set and build her one!”
Erector Set was a brand of metal toy construction sets which were originally sold by the Mysto Manufacturing Company in 1913, a successor to wooden Lincoln Logs and a predecessor to plastic LEGO.
END of PART ONE
After a short Jello-O commercial featuring announcer Bob LeMond providing a macaroon pudding recipe, the story resumes.
Liz has embarked on her manhunt and we find her downtown at the Sheridan Falls Friendship Center. The building is marked by a large neon sign that says “Lonesome?” The doorbell sounds “Here Comes The Bride”.
Thomas ‘Cupid’ Jenkins (Hal March), the founder, opens the door.
LIZ: “I’d like to order a man!”
Liz immediately states that it is not for her, although Mr. Jenkins clearly doesn’t believe her.
MR. JENKINS: “I understand perfectly. He’s a gift for a friend.”
Liz tells him it is for his mother-in-law. The phone rings and Mr. Jenkins answers it congratulating the caller on her success and promising to remove her card from his file.
MR. JENKINS: “Goodbye, Lady Ashley.” (hangs up)
LIZ: “Was that THE Lady Ashely?”
Sylvia, Lady Ashley (1904-77) was an English model, actress, and socialite who was best known for her numerous marriages to British noblemen and American movie stars. On December 20, 1949, she married Clark Gable, the fourth of her five husbands. The pair divorced in 1952.
It turns out to be a different Lady Ashley. Liz and Mr. Jenkins fill out an application card for Mother Cooper. Although Liz describes her as ‘41, attractive and wealthy’, Mr. Jenkins immediately interprets that as ‘65, old battle axe, and broke’! Liz wants someone to come to the house tonight. Mr. Jenkins promises the perfect man will come with a written 30-day guarantee!
At the bank, George is visited by the new Chairman of the Board, J.Q. Williams (Frank Nelson). He wants to get to know the employees and George invites him over for dinner that evening. Unfortunately, their home phone seems to be out of order so he can’t alert Liz. He tells Mr. Williams the address to meet him there.
That evening, Mrs. Cooper is preparing to meet the gentleman Mr. Jenkins is sending over. The doorbell rings. It is Mr. Williams from the bank. Liz immediately assumes that he is from the Friendship Society and that the Mrs. Cooper he has come to meet is her mother-in-law.
Liz doesn’t want Mother Cooper to know that he is an arranged suitor, so she asks him what they should say about his professional life.
MR. WILLIAMS: “Let’s just tell her I’m Chairman of the Board at the Bank.”
LIZ: “Come, now. Let’s not overdo it.”
Believing Mother Cooper to be George’s wife, he sits down next to her. Just then George comes home from work. Liz heads him off at the hallway to tell him that she’s arranged a Lonely Hearts prospect to come over for dinner. George is sure he’s a bum.
LIZ: “You’ll die when you see him!”
Before going into the living room to meet him, George tells Liz that he’s invited the new Chairman of the Board of the Bank to dinner - a Mr. Williams. Liz screams in horror and explains what she’s done. The doorbell rings again.
While George takes Mr. Williams aside to explain things to him, Liz answers the door. It is Mr. Crockett (Hal March again). Before he can get a word out, Liz immediately assumes him to be the man from the Lonely Hearts Club. She quickly instructs him to act like an old friend of hers and ushers him in to meet Mother Cooper.
MOTHER COOPER: “I liked the other one better.”
The doorbell rings again, it is Mr. Anderson (Hans Conried), the man from the Sheridan Falls Friendship Center. He immediately assumes that Liz is the woman that Mr. Jenkins has sent him to meet!
MR. ANDERSON: “After 15 years of sending me lemons, he’s finally sent me a peach!”
Liz is confused, but shows him in to the living room to meet Mother Cooper.
MR. ANDERSON: “Shucks. Back to Lemons again.”
Having explained the confusion, George returns with Mr. Williams, who eagerly agrees to be Mother Cooper’s escort for the rest of the evening. Liz tells Mr. Anderson and Mr. Crockett to go back to the Friendship Center, but Mr. Crockett is confused.
MR. CROCKETT: “What Friendship Center? I just came here to fix the telephone!”
LIZ: “Oh, no!!!”
END of EPISODE
In the live Jell-O commercial, Lucille Ball and Bob LeMond go South of the Border, where all the ‘J’s are pronounced like ‘H’.
Lucille is Hosephine and her brother is named Himmy, who is strong as Jerkules. She reads a poem:
I know a little café
It’s a perfect place to go
Because they always serve Jell-O vanilla tapio-
Ca pudding. It’s delicious and tempting
And you sap,
You also ought to order some Jell-O chocolate tap-
Ioca. It’s so rich the kids all say it’s good
I cannot rhyme Jell-O orange vanilla tapioca, I wish I could.
Bob LeMond sums up her poem with one succinct line. But Lucille concludes:
Those lines they tell the story,
They cut the time in half.
They talk of Jell-O pudding, but they don’t get any laughs!
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Fictober - Day 16
Prompt #16: “I never wanted anything else”
Fandom: Spider-Man (MCU)
Rating: G
Warnings: None
Characters: Ben & Peter Parker, May Parker/Ben Parker, OCs Cleo and Mark Hudson.
Words: 2805
Summary: Raising Peter has brought some financial strain into Ben and May’s lives, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.
Author’s Note: This fic is to blame for my inability to catch up on these prompts. It was supposed to be nice and short, but ended up being quite the one-shot in length. Whoops.
Also, Peter going for a sleepover at a science museum was 100% inspired by my favorite field trip from elementary school. We really did get to camp out in the exhibits, and it was as amazing as it sounds.
---
Incalculable Worth
Cleo and Mark are coming over for the weekend, and Ben’s not looking forward to it.
“It’ll go by fast,” May insists the Monday before, “It’s not even three full days. Besides, it’ll be good for them to see Peter again—it’s been years, he’s probably unrecognizable to them at this point.”
Ben knows she’s right, and it will be good to see Cleo and Mark again, the couple who served as the Maid of Honor and Best Man at their wedding. They were best friends with the pair before moving to New York, and staying in touch has been difficult ever since. So when Cleo and Mark announced they were planning a visit to the city, May enthusiastically offered to let them stay at the apartment.
But if Ben’s honest, he just doesn’t feel much of a connection with the couple anymore. When the two of them were in his and May’s wedding, they had so much in common. They all loved traveling, trying foods from various cultures, and seeking out new experiences on weekend trips. Then there was the shared life plans that truly brought them together in the first place—neither couple had a desire to be parents one day.
Ben knew it wasn’t fair to Cleo and Mark to resent them for doing what they’d always said they’d do—living a carefree, kid-less life—but the fact that they were living out their plan while May and Ben had Peter made it harder to relate to the couple.
“I just feel bad that we don’t even have a room for them,” Ben says. “That’s my main concern.”
“Yeah, well, it’s only for a few days.” May says. “And they knew they were signing up for a futon when they asked to visit.”
Ben glances at upcoming dates on the kitchen wall calendar.
“The science museum sleepover next Saturday—you get that worked out?”
“Oh, yes! Yes, they were so understanding.” May smiles. “They waived the deposit and said we could just bring it all at once when we go to drop Peter off.”
“Thank goodness.” Ben breathes. “I know how much he’s looking forward to it. He talked my ear off last night about how he and Ned already have a game plan to make sure they get to camp out in the astronomy exhibit.”
It had been a difficult month financially. May’s car had broken down, and the repairs depleted their emergency fund completely. Peter’s overnight field trip was momentarily forgotten as they paid other bills, so Ben was relieved the school had made an exception to their rule that kids couldn’t sign up without paying the $50 deposit two weeks before. Peter didn’t deserve to miss out just because of a broken-down vehicle.
“I better go pick him up from Ned’s.” He leans over to give May a goodbye kiss. “Be back soon.”
---
Cleo and Mark arrive Friday after Peter’s bedtime and have breakfast with Ben and May Saturday morning. Peter’s taken to sleeping late on the weekends, and they decide to let him rest.
“So, how was your summer?” Cleo asks after finishing one of Ben’s famous waffles. “Did you guys go on a trip for your anniversary?”
“Not this year,” May answers, “It wasn’t in the budget. But we had a lovely dinner and Peter made us the sweetest card—it’s there, on the fridge.”
The couples turn to look at the masterpiece, and Ben’s heart still swells at the sight of it. Peter had obviously put so much time and effort into the card, writing “Happy Anniversary” in painstakingly careful cursive and drawing an adorable couple in a white dress and tux that bore a slight resemblance to May and Ben. It isn’t perfect—their kid’s a genius, but not an artistic one—but it isn’t a throwaway project that was patched together in the nick of time, either.
“So cute.” Cleo says, turning back to the table with a smile. “He must be so big now. What grade will he be going into?”
“Fourth,” Ben says proudly, “And he’s at the top of his class.”
“Good for him,” Mark nods. “And good for you guys for doing such a great job with him.”
“Thanks,” May replies brightly, “We do try. But he’s just always been such a wonderful kid, we can’t really take credit for him.”
Mark helps himself to another waffle. “So no anniversary trip this year—when’s the last time you guys traveled? Any good stories to share?”
Ben suppresses a grimace, not prepared to relay that their financial situation afforded no opportunity for such luxuries.
May takes on the question. “We haven’t been much of anywhere in recent years, actually. We’ve been busy here, with—” with Peter, Ben thinks “—with work, and school stuff, and everything. You know.”
“Yeah, of course. Totally understand that.” Mark grabs the maple syrup. “I mean, I guess we don’t really understand—not like you guys do, at least. Cause of the whole, ‘no kids’ thing.”
Cleo jumps in. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s hard to think about taking trips with a kid tagging along.” She’s speaking earnestly, not unkindly, but Ben’s still a little on edge. “Kids can tie you down.”
“It’s not that we can’t travel with Peter,” Ben says quickly, “that’s not it at all. He’d travel fine, it’s just…financial stuff. Can’t quite make it work.”
“I get that.” Mark nods. “My brother and his wife, they talk about it all the time. He wanted a boat, she wanted a trip to Italy, but now they have babies, and well—kids are expensive.” He catches himself as he sees Cleo’s mortified expression—it’s as if they’ve both noticed at once the insensitivity in their words.
“Oh, May, Ben,” Cleo says, “we didn’t mean to say you’re missing anything, or—or that you’re—”
“It’s fine, Cleo, don’t worry.” May smiles. “We totally understand. But the thing is, we’re just so happy. We haven’t been anywhere special in a while, and I miss it, sure, but Peter is worth it.” She looks at Ben, her eyes shining with sincerity. “Right, Ben?”
God, he loves her.
“Absolutely, May.”
“Speaking of Peter,” Cleo starts, clearly relieved to be moving forward from her gaffs, “where is that little guy? We need to see him before we go out into the city today!”
May looks at the time. “Oh wow, it is getting pretty late. I’m surprised he’s not up by now. Ben, do you want to wake him?”
“Yeah, I’ll go see if he’s up.”
Ben’s glad of an excuse to leave the table. The conversation had begun to sound too much like the ones he and May first had when Richard and Mary passed—could they take on Peter when they had so many other plans? Should they take on Peter when they’d never felt cut out to raise kids of their own?
It makes him feel incredibly guilty to look back on those uncertainties now that Peter is firmly a part of their family, and the central focus of their lives.
He knocks gently on the door of Peters’ room.
“Peter? Are you up?”
Hearing no response, he gently pushes his way inside. Peter’s lying face down on his bed, on top of the covers, with his pillow over his head.
Ben sits and pulls the pillow off.
“Hey, sleepyhead, wake up.”
Peter turns over, squinting almost a little too much, like he’s doing it for comedic effect.
“Morning, Uncle Ben.”
“Good morning, buddy. Why the pillow over the head? Could you even breathe under there?”
Peter sits up and rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I could. I just wanted to sleep more and the sirens were loud.”
Ben grins. “Ah, yes. I heard those.” He stands up. “Well we’ve got waffles for breakfast, and Cleo and Mark are here and would love to meet you, so get up and get dressed, okay?”
Peter nods, and Ben heads back out to sit with the company.
The truth is, Cleo and Mark were right. The unexpected nature of raising Peter has made finances tight. And Ben would be lying if he said he’d never thought about how their lives would be different if they hadn’t made the choice to adopt Peter after they lost Richard and Mary. Choosing Peter had meant sacrificing some of their previous life plans and goals, and it wasn’t always easy.
But waking up his kid with the ridiculously ruffled, messy hair and bright brown eyes solidified what he always knew—though they’d never planned to raise a kid, Peter was an absolute gift. Ben wouldn’t have it any other way.
---
A week later, Ben knocks on Peter’s door again.
“Peter? You finished packing for the museum sleepover yet, bud? We’re leaving in an hour.”
“Um, no. I’m not ready.”
“Need some help?”
“No.” Peter’s voice sounds tight. “I’m good.”
Ben frowns. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” He says after a pause.
Ben opens the door to find an empty overnight bag on the floor, an unrolled sleeping bag, and no other evidence to suggest Peter’s been packing.
“Peter, what’s up? You really should be ready by now, let’s get a move on.” He kneels down and starts to roll up the sleeping bag. “I’ll do this while you grab the clothes you want to bring, let’s go.”
“I don’t want to go anymore.”
Ben stops what he’s doing and looks up at his nephew. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, feet barely touching the floor, avoiding eye contact.
“Why not?”
Peter shrugs. “I just changed my mind. I don’t think it’ll be fun.”
Ben knows there’s no way Peter’s suddenly lost interest in science of all things, so he presses further.
“Are you feeling okay?” He lays the back of his hand against Peter’s forehead, and, feeling no heat, switches to his palm so he can brush the boy’s curls back. “Did something happen to make you nervous?”
“No.” Peter says, turning to look in Ben’s eyes for a brief moment. “I just don’t want to go, okay?”
Ben sighs and sits on the bed. “Peter, please. You were so excited about this, I know you wanted to sleep next to Jupiter. Talk to me, I want to help.”
His plea is met with silence, making him uneasy. It’s not like Peter to be so closed-off.
Ben’s about to speak again when Peter beats him to it.
“I’m expensive.” He says quietly, eyes glued to his lap.
Ben’s confused. “What do you mean, buddy?”
“Kids cost a lot of money, and then grownups can’t go on trips or have nice things or…or do what they want. Kids tie them down.”
The phraseology sounds all-too-familiar to Ben, but he asks for more context all the same.
“Who told you that?”
“Nobody,” Peter mumbles, “I just know.”
Ben brushes a hand across his mouth. Guilt sets in as he realizes why Peter’s sleeping stance had been so strange when he “woke him up” last Saturday. He hadn’t been asleep.
“Did you…did you maybe overhear us talking with our friends last weekend?”
Peter shakes his head, but Ben can tell it’s a bluff. He waits, knowing his nephew’s inherent honesty will kick in any moment.
“Maybe—maybe I did,” Peter admits shortly, “But I already knew I cost money, I just didn’t think about how…how much.” His eyes remain focused downward, and Ben moves closer to put a careful arm around his shoulders.
“Peter, bud—”
The boy jumps up from Ben’s embrace and heads to his desk. Ben lets him go, watching with concern as Peter logs on to an old laptop they’d salvaged and repurposed together. He returns as soon as the screen has loaded, sitting back down, but noticeably further away from Ben.
He flips the screen around, revealing an Excel spreadsheet.
“I calculated the numbers. I know money is tight, and now I know why. It’s me. I cost more than $100,000 total to raise.”
Ben wishes momentarily that his kid wasn’t top of his class. No nine-year-old should know how to calculate their financial expenses on a spreadsheet.
“Peter, how did you come up with that number—”
“The internet.” He’s still not looking at Ben, just staring at the laptop as he points to the screen. “And that’s way more than you and May make in a year, so—”
“Whoa, whoa.” Ben interrupts. He sees a decent estimation of his and May’s salaries listed under an “income” column. Peter’s right, but he doesn’t know how. “Where did you get that information—”
“The internet.” Peter says impatiently. Ben’s stunned, unable to form a coherent reply to all of this, so Peter continues.
“May also lets me look at grocery receipts cause I like the math, so I know how much food costs us. And I looked everything else up and plugged it in here—”
“Peter, Peter stop, we don’t—”
“—and I know that it was really expensive when I went to the doctor so much last year, and I know special school trips are expensive,” Peter’s voice begins to waver, “and I just don’t want to go because you and May should get to go somewhere. You should get to go on a vacation like Ned’s mom and dad but you never have. And I know it’s because—it’s because of me.” He chokes out the last few words as tears come to his eyes. He quickly wipes at them with the back of his sleeve, and Ben’s heart breaks in two.
Slowly, gently, he takes the laptop from Peter’s hands and closes it. Peter doesn’t try to hold onto the device, his shoulders only slumping further. Ben moves off the bed and kneels in front of him.
“Peter, listen to me. I know how smart you are, so I’m not going to lie to you.” He sighs. “You’re right about a few things. Kids do cost money to raise. And maybe your spreadsheet math is right, buddy, I don’t know. You’re probably better at calculating all of that than I am.”
Peter’s still brushing away tears, and Ben wishes his kid would meet his eyes, but he isn’t going to force it.
“But here’s the most important thing, Peter. I need you to listen to me closely, okay?”
He’s still looking down, but nods with a sniffle.
“These numbers do not matter. Your worth, Peter?” He takes his thumb and softly wipes away some of the tears on his nephew’s cheek. “Your worth is incalculable.”
He exhales. “The thing is, buddy, it doesn’t matter how much it costs us to feed you, or to take you to the doctor, or to buy you new clothes, or let you go on a school trip. You’re worth all of it and more. We love you more than anything, and we are so lucky to have you. I’d trade every trip or fancy car or boat—every nice thing in the world—everything I own, all the time I have left, so you could be ours.”
Peter finally looks up at him, lip trembling.
“But I shouldn’t even be here. You and May didn’t want a kid. You didn’t choose me.”
The words catch Ben off-guard, but he’s not entirely surprised. He’s wondered if, or when, Peter would make that connection and bring it to light.
“But we did, Peter. We did.” He smiles, desperate to soften his boy’s broken expression. “You could have gone with Grandma Lorraine, or to another family. But we wanted you. We chose you, and we will keep choosing you, because you are worth it, Peter. We love you.”
“But you’re not sad you can’t go on trips?” Peter asks. “You don’t wish you had more money?”
Ben takes his hands. “I have you, and I have May. I never wanted anything else.”
Peter truly breaks at that moment, launching himself off the bed and into Ben’s waiting arms. He rubs Peter’s back as tears puddle onto his shoulder, and they trade “I love yous” unsparingly.
After they finally break away, Ben looks at the clock and startles a bit. He grabs for the sleeping bag.
“Come on, buddy, we don’t wanna be late! Grab your PJs, some clothes for tomorrow and your toothbrush, let’s move!”
Peter doesn’t hesitate for even a second, scrambling to do as he’s told and pack the overnight bag. Everything’s set in five minutes.
As they’re heading out the door, Peter grabs Ben’s arm.
“Wait—you’re sure we can afford this?” He asks earnestly.
“Yes, we absolutely can. But you don’t have to worry about that, okay? You’re worth it.” Ben kisses his forehead.
Peter relaxes. “Uncle Ben?”
“Yeah bud?”
“You’re worth all my money and all my time, too.”
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A big ol 2019 end of the year update
I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read:
This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards.
I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.
2019 was a nightmare.
Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation.
Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.
I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.
This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year.
I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.
My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.
This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.
We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.
My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.
A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.
Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.
A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.
All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late.
I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.
Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.
I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days.
A few bright spots of note:
Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)
Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.
Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.
Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless
Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy
Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell
Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.
Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)
Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC
Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more
Learned a bit of needle felting
2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.
Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.
Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.
Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.
I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc.
Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite.
It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.
Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.
I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.
Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so...
I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster.
One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true.
Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better.
Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.
--
A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at
Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me
Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass
Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months
Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else
Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose
Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.
Do Animazement again and try out some new product types
Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio
Get better about spending, by whatever method works
Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what
Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year
Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel
Read more comics. Basically just consume more media
Do Halloween again, better this time
See friends in person more
Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them
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Male Lizardfolk Gulrez x Reader (NSFW) Part 2
Continuation of my previous story. Part 1 Here
Enjoy!
Wordcount: 3,467
Gulrez had been right, working together and dating wasn’t an issue at all. The two of you hadn’t advertised the fact that you were dating but you hadn’t hidden it either, and it didn’t take long for your colleagues to find out. You didn’t really mind, they were all really nice about it and aside from some filthy innuendo, mainly from Ayaan, it wasn’t really mentioned.
It had been three weeks since your first date and things were going really well. You saw each other everyday either at work or at Latham’s tea shop, and you went on dates in between. Gulrez seemed determined to show you the entire city; you’d been to art museums, history museums, gone stargazing at the science center, visited the zoo, gone to the beach and the park.
You got on so well and had gotten so close, he was constantly holding your hand and made any excuse to touch you. Just the night before when you were sitting in the park, he had pulled you close and tucked you into his side joking that you were so warm it was like having his own portable heater. Being cold blooded meant that he was almost always cold and you didn’t mind warming him up.
There was just one snag in your relationship, so far, and you were trying your best not to think about it. The problem was it seemed your friend and colleague Nathifa was determined to keep it at the forefront of your mind.
It was the end of your working shift and entering the staff room to collect your things you see Nathifa follow you in.
‘‘Come on! Share. I have no sex life of my own, so I need to live vicariously through you,’’ you hear the gnoll cackle behind you.
‘‘There’s nothing to share,’’ you respond looking around hoping that no one else was nearby to hear this.
‘‘Really? It’s been weeks, you’ve seriously not done anything?’’ She says skeptically, her furry ears twitching.
‘‘Nope,’’ you sigh.
‘‘Well you’re useless…’’ she says, cackling again.
Shaking your head, you say goodbye to Nathifa and head home, waving to Rowan at the bar as you pass. Outside the bar you wish a goodnight to one of the orc twins who’s working the door. You could never tell which one was which, Breckin and Broden were near identical, only one had a scar on his lip and the other a slightly chipped tusk. Problem was you couldn’t remember which one had what.
Walking home, you think on what you had told Nathifa, you had to admit that it wasn't the entire truth. You and Gulrez had done some stuff, but nothing worth mentioning. Some kissing, which wasn’t easy with his snout, and some over the clothes petting. You’d wanted to go further, but Gulrez always pulled back just when you thought things were going to progress to the next level.
You’d understand if he wanted to take things slow, but you honestly didn’t think that was the issue. Not that you knew what the issue was, of course, and it was making you worried. You couldn’t help thinking that maybe, while he found you attractive in theory, the reality was you were to different for him. Was it because your skin was smooth instead of bumpy or because you didn’t have a tail… You didn’t know and it was driving you crazy. You knew that the best solution was just to ask him, but honestly, you were scared of the answer.
Approaching your flat, you stop startled to see Gulrez waiting on you, sitting on the doorstep. While it wasn’t uncommon for you to meet him after you finished an early, on his nights off, it had always been arranged before. Feeling concerned, you smile tentatively and continue walking to your door.
‘‘Hey, how was work?’’ He asks, grinning slightly.
‘‘Good. Quiet night... I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight?’’ You ask questionly, feeling your heart pounding.
‘‘I know. I just wanted to see you.’’ His hand raises to scratch the back of his neck nervously. ‘‘I hope you don’t mind.’’
‘‘Of course not. You want to come in?’’ you ask nodding towards your door and putting the key in your door.
‘‘Please,’’ he says, following you in.
Hanging your jacket and bag up on the hook by the door, you turn around and are startled to find him right behind you. Catching your eyes in his, he leans over you to hang his jacket up, then he takes your hips in his claws. Leaning down he rubs his snout across your neck and you swallow nervously when his tongue flicks out tasting your skin.
‘‘I really missed you,’’ he whispers, and you feel his claws tightening slightly where they sit on your hips.
‘‘You saw me at work yesterday,’’ you respond breathlessly.
‘‘It’s not the same,’’ he groans, pulling away and taking a step back. ‘‘Have you had dinner?’’
‘‘Not yet,’’ you say, frowning at the sudden change in topic.
‘‘Want to order take-out and watch a movie then?’’ He says smiling and walking to the kitchen to find the menu.
‘‘Sure…’’ you reply.
He orders the food and goes to collect it, while you go shower and change. Once he returns you both settle on the couch getting comfortable with the food on your knees and watching the movie you’d stuck in the DVD player.
You pause the movie to take the empty boxes into the kitchen, and upon returning, you sit down only for Gulrez to smile and pull you over to him, putting his arm around you and tucking you in to his side. As your watching the movie, he runs his claws lightly over your arm and you stroke his upper arm enjoying the feel of his slightly rough and bumpy skin.
As the movie is nearing its end, your starting to feel a little bored. While it’s a good movie, you’ve seen it a dozen times and there is someone you find much more interesting sitting beside you. Turning your head to look at him, you see that his attention isn’t on the movie either. Meeting his gaze, you give a soft smile and stretch up to give him a kiss.
While kissing Gulrez isn’t easy, you make it work, and you always find it an enjoyable experience. Slipping your tongue in his mouth, you trace his sharp little teeth and let out a moan. Grabbing you by your hips he pulls you into his lap and with his tongue chasing yours, he slips it into your mouth. One clawed hand remains holding your hip, while his other tangles in your hair.
As you pull back to take a deep breath, Gulrez runs his tongue over your neck. Tipping your head back with a groan, you feel heat shoot straight to your groin. As his hand on your hip slips up under your top and he runs a claw over your nipple, you twist your hands in his top and start grinding into his lap letting out a moan. He grunts meeting your thrusts with one of his own.
Suddenly you find yourself on your butt on the other side of the couch and is Gulrez standing up breathing heavily and adjusting his clothes.
‘‘It’s getting late. I need to go.’’ He rasps.
‘‘Wha… but,’’ you stutter breathlessly.
‘‘I’ve got class in the morning…’’ he explains. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow night,’’ he says leaning down to lick your cheek in a lizardy kiss.
You watch very confused and still very aroused as he dashes out the door. Hearing the door close behind him, you look to the TV seeing that the movie isn’t even finished yet. ‘‘What the…’’ you say to yourself. Still feeling confused, a little annoyed and more than a little upset, you shut off the TV and get up to go to bed.
***************************************
Waking up in the morning, you feel awful, you had tossed and turned in bed all night hardly getting any sleep. While the temptation to stay in bed all day is great, you resign yourself to getting up remembering that you had promised Latham that you would take the box of books you had and didn’t want, into the shop today.
When you get to the tea shop, your shocked to find it closed. In all the time you’ve been coming to the shop, you have never once seen it closed at this time of day. Feeling concerned about Latham but knowing there’s nothing you can do, you turn around a return home. You spend your day cleaning the flat and thinking about Gulrez.
Your meant to be going his place tonight for a date. It had been planned for a couple of days, he wanted to cook for you, he said. You had been looking forward to it, but now all you can feel is worried. You knew that, after last night, that you were really going to have to have that conversation with him and you were terrified of the outcome.
Feeling tense as you knock on his door that evening, you take a deep breath as it opens. Gulrez grins widely upon seeing you and ushers you inside.
‘‘Dinners still cooking, make yourself comfortable while I’m finishing it off,’’ he tells you.
You see he’s set up a table in the living room, with flowers in a vase and candles lit, it looks very romantic. Wandering around the living room you browse the books on his shelves and scan the photographs he’s got dotted around. In one you can see a picture of him with three other lizardfolk that all look very similar. Those must be his sisters you think to yourself.
‘‘Here you are,’’ he says as he puts the plates down on the table. Joining him at the table, you make light conversation as your eating the pasta he’s made. It tastes good, but your stomach churns in worry, and you can’t eat it all. Clearing away the plates, he tells you to sit on the couch, while he gets the dessert.
Joining you on the couch he hands you a plate with a cake which looks like one from the tea shop. ‘‘When did you get this?’’ You ask, pointing to the cake.
‘‘Hmm? Oh earlier today. Just before Latham closed the shop. Why?’’
‘‘I went there this morning and the shop was closed. Did Latham look okay?’’ you ask, frowning.
‘‘That’s odd… but yeah he seemed fine,’’ he replies, licking the icing of his claws.
‘‘Hmm… Well that's good,’’ You say, putting your plate down still frowning.
‘‘Are you okay? You seem… out of sorts.’’ Gulrez asks you, taking your hand in his.
‘‘Yeah… I’m okay. Just I need to talk to you about something…’’ you start, swallowing.
‘‘Okay?’’ He asks, sitting straighter and turning to face you straight on.
‘‘It’s just…’’ you start, inhaling deeply. ‘‘I’m worried. We haven’t been intimate yet and every time I think we’re about to be, you pull away.’’ Stopping to take a breath, you watch him look away nervously, his other hand squeezing his knee. ‘‘I’d understand if your not ready yet… but I need to know if you even… want me?’’ You finish nervously.
Looking at you startled, he squeezes your hand. ‘‘I want you. I really want you,’’ he says. Opening your mouth to ask him what then is the problem, he shakes his head and puts a hand over your mouth stopping you. ‘‘It’s just... I’ve never been with a human before and I don’t want to hurt you.... And you’ve never been with a lizardfolk before, or any type of monster right?’’
As you nod your head in confirmation, he continues. ‘‘We aren’t… I mean I’m not built the same as human men. I’m not sure if… well you might be… you might not like…’’ he stutters, struggling to find the right words.
This time you cut him off, putting a hand on his snout, smiling gently you stroke his cheek. ‘‘I like you Gulrez… I really like you. What you have... or don’t have isn’t going to change that.’’ You say softly. It really didn’t matter to you, what he looked like or what he had. You were just giddy that he really did want you and had just been nervous about showing himself to you.
‘‘Do you promise?’’ He asks nuzzling your hand and swallowing, his big eyes looking into yours pleadingly.
‘‘I promise,’’ you whisper softly, pulling him down to meet your lips, giving him a soft kiss.
‘‘Will you stay tonight?’’ He asks, in between kissing you.
‘‘I didn’t bring any pajamas,’’ you smirk.
‘‘You won’t need them,’’ he chirrups, suddenly lifting you into his arms, showing off his strength. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you grin watching his tail wag as he carries you to, you assume, his bedroom. Practically tossing you on the bed, you watch as he strips out of his shirt and jeans.
His body is as lovely as you imagined, from his neck to the top of his legs, he is an incredibly pale white colour. His legs are mostly white with patches of pale yellow and a few scattered spots. As your gaze travels over his strong looking thick thighs and lean calves, it lands on his delicate looking feet. Mostly white, with a couple of spots and ending in five sharp looking claws.You smile when you see that one of his spots is shaped like a heart.
Leaving his boxers on, he joins you on the bed, and as he leans over you, you stroke a hand down his chest feeling that his skin is incredibly smooth and cool to the touch. Shuddering and chuckling nervously, he kisses you, pulling back and playing with the hem of your top, he looks at you in question. Giving him an approving nod, he starts removing your clothes. Once you’re fully undressed, you feel nervous, as he looks over your body.
‘’You're exquisite,’’ he swallows.
Shaking your head with a disbelieving laugh you pull him down into another kiss. Shivering as his colder chest meets yours, you hear him groan as he slips his tongue in your mouth.
‘‘Your so warm,’’ he sighs, pulling back slightly.
Watching your face carefully, he runs a hand over your chest, taking hold of one of your nipples he squeezes it gently between two claws. You cry out as he leans down and licks your other nipple and then puts it in his mouth sucking and pulling on the skin.
‘’Gulrez,’’ you moan, ‘‘Please.’’
Looking at your face he works his tongue down your body. You laugh suddenly as licks your belly button. ‘It’s so cute,’’ he says rising up and grinning at you. Your about to retort, when he takes your legs in his claws, pushing them up to your chest. He makes a strangled sound as he looks down at you and his tail arches, furiously wagging.
Feeling more than a little self conscious, you try to distract him by asking why his tail wags like that when he’s around you. Blinking, he looks at his tail as if he doesn’t understand what you mean. Chuckling breathlessly, he says shyly, ‘‘My kind do that when they want to mate with someone they desire.’’ He looks down as if embarrassed and you knew that if lizards could blush, he would be right now. Bringing his tail down to wrap the tip around your ankle. He looks back to you, and with his gaze traveling down your body, he whispers, ‘‘Beautiful.’’
Taking his hand of the leg that his tail now holds, he uses it to raise you slightly off the bed, and watching your face, uses his tongue to lick you front to back. You moan and throw your head back, as he licks at you a couple times before slowing working his tongue inside you. You cry out and look down at him, seeing him still watching you carefully.
Panting harshly and writhing on the bed, your hands clench the sheets as he starts working his tongue in and out of you at a quicker pace. As his tongue works its way into you as far it can go, you start seeing stars. Your so close, you can feel it building, and when he finds that special spot inside, you come crying out his name.
You feel him gentle lay you back down on the bed and releasing your legs, lays them down to. Moving to lie beside you, he strokes his hand down your arm, watching as you come down. Looking over at him, you give him a slow smile.
‘‘You good?’’ He asks, grinning smugly at you.
‘‘Very good,’’ you sigh, stretching. You can barely feel your legs but you manage to turn rolling over. ‘‘Your turn,’’ you say, kneeling over him.
You watch as Gulrez swallows nervously, but he turns fully onto his back, leaning back on the headboard to watch you. Trailing kisses down his neck and chest you can feel him take deep breaths, and as you reach the top of his boxer shorts you feel him tense. Sitting up slightly, you play with the band of his boxers, looking at him in question, you wait until he gives you a nod in approval.
Removing them, being careful with his clawed feet, your gaze falls to the spot between his legs. You see that he has a slit, which is slightly open and dripping with his arousal, with what looks like two bulges sitting just above it. Running a finger along his slit, you feel the tips of not one, but two cocks, surprised but pleased, you lean down to run your tongue along his slit.
Hearing him cry out, you look up at him to see that he’s staring up at the ceiling and is clutching the headboard tightly with his hands. Working your tongue into his slit, you catch the tip of one of his cocks, trying to coax them out. Suddenly he pushes your head away with a strangled shout and you watch as his cocks drop down.
You're really glad that he had the sense to move you, otherwise that would have hurt. His cocks are long, but thin enough you think you could take both at once. Dark pink at base, fading to a paler pink at the slightly flared tips, you think he looks stunning and tell him so. Taking one in your hand you give it a few pumps before moving to the other. Gripping one in your hand, you take his other one in your mouth and suck at the tip. Gulrez pants and moans, clutching at your head with his hands.
‘‘Oh god…’’ he cries. ‘‘Please… please don’t stop.’’
Working your mouth, you take him as deep as you can, before swallowing around him. You hear him grunt and pulling back you take both his cocks in one hand working them together. Hearing him moan and plead for your mouth, you smile and take both his tips into your mouth and suck.
Hearing him give a loud cry, you feel him his hands move down to clutch at your shoulders, claws scraping at the skin but not piercing it. ‘‘I’m.. I’m going to...’’ he warns, grunting. Looking up you meet his eyes and continue to suck, understanding your not going to stop, he screws his eyes shut and bucks his hips up, coming in your mouth with a shout. There’s far too much of it to swallow it all and some of it dribbles down your chin down on to your chest.
Seeing him pant, struggling for breath, you move up the bed to lie beside him and stroke his chest. He wraps an arm around you but it is awhile before he is able to speak. Looking down, you see his cocks are slowing retreating back into his slit. Meeting his eyes you give him a slow smile.
Taking your face in his hand, he swipes his thumb across your chin wiping off the mess. ‘‘Not to weird for you then?’’ He asks, voice quivering slightly.
Shaking your head, you take his thumb in your mouth, cleaning it off. His breath hitches and he pulls you to him thoroughly kissing you.
‘‘We made a mess…’’ he says laughingly, pulling back to look down your body.
‘‘Shower?’’ you ask, questionly, following his gaze.
Nodding, he lifts you in his arms and carries you to the bathroom. Sucking at his neck, his step falters, and he looks down at you pointedly.
‘‘Carry on like that and we won’t ever be clean,’’ he says, grinning.
‘‘I could live with that,’’ you say, laughing, feeling happier than you ever have before.
**********************************************
Thanks for reading! As always, please reblog, like & comment if you like it.
Masterlist
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921
LOL was gone for a while to attempt doing that ridiculous 5000 survey myself again and I really thought I was going to breeze through it this time. 2 1/2 weeks and 2500 questions later, I need a fucking break. Need normal surveys plz.
What was the best thing to happen to you this week?
Got to visit Gabie today! I brought Cooper as well so that she, her sisters, and their puppy Tofu could finally meet him. Fun day, but I am beat. The blackout yesterday also made me revisit painting, and that felt so good too.
Where do you put your keys when you get home?
It always differs, idk why I never picked up a routine. Sometimes I set it on the dining table, other times on the decorative table in the living room, and other times I bring it up with me to my room.
Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee?
I preferred hot (warm would be more accurate) for the longest time but once I went iced, I never wanted to go back.
What's your phone background picture?
I recently changed my lock screen to one of Audrey Hepburn. My home screen is still Hayley Williams.
If you could move to any country, what would it be?
Anywhere with a clean and honest government sounds like heaven.
Have you ever seen a snake in the wild?
No. Can’t say there’s a lot of them here in the city, and I’ve never seen any in my trip to provinces either.
What's your favourite movie from the 80s?
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls?
I have at least one of each of these, yes.
What would your dream wedding be like?
Huge. I’d want a long guest list, expansive food choices, and acts that can provide good music throughout the evening. I never really throw parties for myself, so I would want at least my own wedding to be big.
Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance?
Yesssssss.
How do you cope with anxiety?
I'm lucky to have found different outlets, so that said I usually choose from taking surveys, watching a favorite channel on YouTube, turning to my dogs, going to social media to see dumb memes, or taking a nap altogether. Of course there’ll always be those days where none of these work out and I’ll have to just cry through the anxiety attacks until they’re over.
Are you expecting any phone calls or emails?
I’m expecting an email from my college, yes. I’m currently applying for civil service eligibility and they’re asking for documents that only the college can provide, so I emailed them a couple of days ago asking for assistance, and that’s considering we’re still under a lockdown and most offices are still under skeleton staffing.
What's the weather like in your part of the world right now?
LOVELY. I actually wear oversized sweaters to bed now and I even managed to wear a thick denim jacket out today. The rainy weather has settled beautifully, and I’m perfectly fine with 24ºC-28ºC everyday.
What was the last takeout food you ate?
My mom bought me and my siblings a chicken sandwich and chicken nuggets each from McDonald’s last week.
Who makes you laugh the most?
Definitely someone from my college barkada. I can’t decide whether it’s Aya, Kate, JM, or Jum; they’re all equally hilarious as fuck.
Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
See these questions are always weird to me because my country has its own naming customs; it’s basically a mix of American and Spanish customs. We have two first names (where Westerners would understand their second ‘first’ name to be their middle name) and our actual legal middle name is our mother’s maiden surname (which I think doesn’t apply at all in the Western world). So to answer this I’ll go with our own customs and say that no, I don’t know of anyone who has the same middle name as me. It’s not a very common surname anyway.
What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist?
Had a tooth removed. I don’t think it was a wisdom tooth; it was just a tooth at the back of my mouth that had been in pretty bad shape for years but was only discovered at that time.
What does a successful relationship look like to you?
I believe the formula is different for every couple. Like I value constant communication and checkups, but others might not feel the need to be clingy or update their significant others all the time.
What do you like to put on your baked potato?
Don’t really have these a lot, but I remember when my mom used to make baked potatoes with bacon and cheese and those were unbelievably good.
What field of science interests you the most?
Biology. <3 I’m sure I would’ve taken up medicine if I only wasn’t so bad in the rest of the sciences.
What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house?
There aren’t any nearby shops since I live in a gated community, but once you get out of the village’s main gate, the first thing to the left is a McDonald’s. To the right is a small complex with a hair salon, burger place, music school, and one of those boujee stores that sell hype clothing.
Do you have any family that live in another country?
So many relatives. We’re Filipinos, man. We migrate everyfuckingwhere. As far as I know I have family living in the US, Canada, Vietnam, Japan, China, Australia, and New Zealand.
What colour is your couch?
Gray.
Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive?
Not at all. Every single plant that I’ve been given as a gift or party giveaway has died on me.
What was the most memorable birthday you've had?
18th was awesome. Cruise trip, hotel stay with friends, Tiendesitas + noodle date with Gab. How I got away with three separate celebrations without my parents saying anything about it I’ll never know.
Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains?
Beach. The area where I live is mountainous as it is; as someone who’s always lived and studied in the city, a trip to the beach in the province never gets old.
What do you do for work?
I don’t have any yet but I’m waiting for openings for our national agency for either history, or culture and the arts. My plans have shifted recently and I’m now eyeing to work for either instead of rotting away while underpaid at a corporate agency.
Have you ever been to see the circus?
No. I wouldn’t be interested either; they all just seem so harsh and unethical.
Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe?
Sure.
What is the best house you've ever lived in?
The one we live in today has been the most comfortable; but I also hold a lot of nostalgia for my dad’s parents’ house in Tondo because of how raw Manila life was there. Life wasn’t pretty, but it did feel real.
What was the first CD you ever bought?
The first CD I actively wanted my parents to buy for me was probably the High School Musical soundtrack, heheh.
Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house?
Yeah, always. Wanna make sure my shirt is tucked in properly (if it is), or that my jeans aren’t cuffed funny or whatever else.
What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?
I’ve mentioned this before but it was the Indian dessert gulab jamun. Really did not expect the flavor that came in when it hit my mouth.
Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way?
I’ve never had a legit job, but when Jeuel quit the org a couple of years ago because of ~irreconcilable differences~ between him and us officers in the executive board it did feel a tad bit dramatic and passive-aggressive.
What movie reminds you of your childhood?
Shrek 2 or The Game Plan.
Do you know why your parents named you what they did?
The singer named Robyn was really big then and they ended up being fans of the name.
Do you have any bills that need to be paid?
None of my own. My parents usually pay the family bills immediately, so I don’t think we have any pending payments for now.
What do you like to dip your fries in?
Mayonnaise.
Is your house clean or messy right now?
It’s always clean as my mom is extremely tidy.
What was the last email you received?
It’s one of the job-hunting websites I’ve signed up for, giving me job alerts for new openings in my chosen industries.
Do you know someone who speaks without a filter?
Yeah and I know people who do it responsibly and those who just come off as tactless.
Are you in any social groups?
We call our college group the Daydrinkers, since our friendship began when we started constantly hanging out at nearby bars at like 2 PM, during our breaks lol. I used to be in a barkada in high school but Angela and I broke apart from that since we couldn’t deal with Athenna’s toxicity anymore, though I still keep in touch with most of them, like Chelsea and Kaira. Since then Angela and I have formed our own group consisting mostly of Angela’s friends from architecture and Hans’ friends from Ateneo.
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Sigh, around 4. I don’t know why it was so few, but it also means that I’m currently drowsy as all hell at 9:03 PM. I will most likely turn in for bed after this.
What's your favourite kind of museum?
Those that cover history, so museums that have artifacts and fossils and shit.
Do you believe in alternate universes?
I like the idea, and I love literature that explores the idea of alternate realities, multiple universes, pocket universes, etc. Whether or not I believe they exist...idk. I don’t think about it that much in literal terms. < Yeah pretty much. Gaby Dunn wrote an amazing piece on multiverses and that was what got me to find comfort in the idea.
Whose house did you last visit?
I was at Gabie’s place this afternoon. We had burritos, talked about career prospects, and puppy-sat our babies.
What games do you play on your smart phone?
I turn to 1010 when I’m bored or anxious. I have like 30 other games but I never touch them lol, but I do keep them should the time be right to whip them out.
Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
I have not.
What was the first concert you ever went to?
Paramore, February 2013. I was a late bloomer; kids my age started going to concerts at least three years before that.
Do you know anyone who is colourblind?
I don’t think so.
What's your favourite season and why?
The wet season, because it’s colder and I hate the heat during the dry season.
Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family?
I’m the eldest.
If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make?
I recently watched this phenomenal recipe for 48-hour chocolate chip cookies that looked absolutely bonkers when they were done baking. I’d for sure give those a try for dessert. If that fails I’d just buy the food so that what I bring is more guaranteed to be good.
What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween?
My family has never cared much for Halloween. It’s not even a legit holiday, so as much as I love Halloween I don’t think I would spend for decorations myself to decorate my own place. The only instance I imagine doing so would be if I have kids of my own who may want to get into the Halloween ~spirit.
How many tabs do you have open right now?
In my current window, eight.
What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off?
Taking another online course, just because it’s great to learn new things and earn free certifications while at it. I haven’t been doing a good job at being consistent with them, though.
What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day?
Facebook since it’s my primary social media now. Literally never thought this day would come.
Have you ever flown a kite?
Yeah but it’s been a while.
Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16?
This was the time I was slowly moving away from my punk phase and inching closer to Athenna’s music tastes, so I was into acts like Hozier, Banks, Daya, Twenty One Pilots, etc.
What are three things you usually always have in your fridge?
Water, bread, eggs.
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The Scientist (Chapter 51)
Summary: In the events following Asgard’s destruction, Loki finds himself on Earth seeking refuge to await the inevitable. Much to his surprise, it comes from a source he would never have expected.
Warnings: science, mentions of sharp objects, some cutting, not bad, cool stuff
Word count: 5k
The AO3, Wattpad, and Spotify links are all available on the MasterList
Masterlist
———-
A/N: Hello, folks! New chapter! Yay! Alrighty, we are revisiting the lab again! More science and such things and the like. Gonna look back at the rose and the zebrafish from all those chapters ago. Remember the fish? The zebrafish Luna did some gene-splicing experiment on after the worm? I sure do. Yes, I know I haven't mentioned it in a while, but that's because there were more notable things to talk about first. We need a little mundanity now and then. Also, it's been about 5 chapters, so it's high time for more music!
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The remaining vacation days were as unexciting as the duo had hoped. They visited a couple museums, a restaurant for dinner and a café for lunch, and then returned home. It was a smooth ride, save for a spot of traffic in the afternoon. Luna gave herself enough time to account for such instances so she wouldn't worry herself. Naturally, Loki slept for most of the journey, but not before taking Luna’s hand in his and holding it for as long as he could. He was glad she didn’t demand an explanation because he hadn’t prepared one.
Another day of rest and unwinding in the apartment and Luna was back on the grind at work. Though she'd been away for a week, it felt like an eternity. As she walked into the building and to the lab, she was tempted to turn back around and go somewhere else. Anywhere other than the workplace. But she kept going, scanning her card and making herself known.
“Hello, miss,” FRIDAY said as Luna stowed away her bags and jacket, “welcome back.”
“Hello, FRIDAY. It’s good to be back.”
“How was your vacation? Eventful, I hope.”
Luna chuckled and shrugged on her lab coat. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“No, I wouldn’t, would I?” FRIDAY snarked a little.
“Any messages for me?”
“A few from Mr. Stark, but no high-priority items.”
“Ok. What are they about?”
“He wants a lab meeting soon.” Luna’s body stiffened. It’d been a while since she talked about her work with him. She didn’t know what she’d tell him.
But she huffed and snapped on a pair of rubber gloves. “Alright. I’ll see him about that later. Thanks, FRIDAY.”
“You’re welcome. Care for any music while you work?”
“Uh, yeah. Just throw on whatever.” As Luna unlocked a drawer and took out her lab notebook, ‘Twilight Zone’ played through the room speakers. Her ears perked up at the familiar notes. “Ooh, nice,” she said, turning to the last page she wrote in before vacation. Bobbing her head, she read over the tasks for the day. First things first, she needed to clean and change the filters to the fish tank.
As far as she could tell, the little fish was thriving. It swam contentedly about its tank and pecked at any particles it saw. Luna checked the UV light and changed the active-carbon filter. The filter pad was nearly black with sediment and dirt. Cringing, she folded it up and slid a new one in place. The pH and temperature levels in the water remained steady and fluctuated within the safe zones for them. Luna was thankful. She would have hated to have come back to an emergency.
Rinsing her hands off, she gingerly disconnected the pumps to the tank and took it to the sink. Her little fish didn’t seem perturbed by the sudden movement, though it did thrash a bit as Luna lifted it out with a net. She silently apologized to it. She didn’t mean to cause it any distress. It calmed down once it was in the fresh tank and knew everything was ok again. As an added comfort, Luna gave it a bit of dry food, and it inhaled all of it before it was back under the care of the system. She connected the tank back to the water pumps and breathed a sigh of relief. One job is done for the day.
As Luna cleaned the old tank and net with ethanol, her music cut out, and FRIDAY's voice came back on.
“Miss, Mr. Stark is on the line.”
Luna nodded, not stopping her scrubbing. “Yeah, yeah. Patch him through.”
“Long time, no talk, Baby,” Tony’s voice greeted her.
She laughed. “Hey, Tony. So we’re back to that now?”
“We sure are.” She heard a few faint metallic clangs. “How was your break?”
Luna slowed her hands. “It was, uh, good,” she lied.
“Just ‘good.’? What’d you do, anyway?”
“Mm, nothing much. Relaxed at home, went out to museums, and cooked stuff.” She lied right through her teeth, but lucky for her, Tony didn’t have to see her lack of a poker face.
“What about your guy?”
Luna nervously shuddered. “What about him?”
“Anyone recognize him?”
“We had a couple close calls, but nothing anyone can pin.”
“Good, because I seriously don’t know if I could take it if you two got into trouble. My blood pressure is teetering as it is, and Pepper would have the whole barn. You know, not just the cow.”
“And that’s why I stay out of trouble.”
“And that’s why you’re my favorite.”
“Aw, thanks.” Luna smiled. There was a loud bang over the speakers, followed by some repetitive whirring. “Hey, what are you even doing over there to make that much noise?”
“Uh, well, right now, I am on the ceiling.”
Luna set her hands on the edge of the sink. “You’re … you’re on the ceiling? Like, upside-down?”
“Yup. Trying out a new feature in the suit.”
“A feature that lets you … stand on the ceiling?”
“Not just stand. I can walk around, too. See?” A few more taps and whirs came through like Tony was walking around. “Oh, wait, no. Sorry. You can’t see.” Luna let out a loud laugh and resumed scrubbing the tank.
“What are you planning on using it for? Taking a trip to a place with microgravity?”
“Can never be too careful.” Tony paused, and some beeping filled the silence. “By the way, I was going through some of you-know-who’s phone history, and honestly, I don’t know what I expected.”
“What did you see?”
“Don’t you know? I thought you two were, like, the best of friends, or something.”
“Save for a few things, he never shows me what's on his phone, and I never ask."
“Hm. Anyway, his most recent searches were pictures of raccoons, articles about himself, conspiracy theories, and more pictures of himself.” He scoffed. “As if his ego wasn’t big enough already.”
“Heh, not as big as his dick,” she chuckled under her breath, but to her dismay, she was heard loud and clear.
“Excuse me?!” Tony yelled, followed by a thunderous crash. Luna winced as she pictured him falling spectacularly to the floor.
“Whoops, sorry, gotta go!” she called out, waving her hand to cut the transmission.
“Why would you say something like that?!”
“Hanging up now! Bye!” She gestured frantically, and the call cut out. Groaning as loud as she could, she hung her head. “I can’t believe myself sometimes.” She dried off the outside of the old tank, set it aside to air-dry, and dried her own hands. “Alright, what else is there to do?” She flipped back a page in her notebook. “Ah, yes, that's right," she stated through her teeth.
Her next possible point was to test the new virus on a live subject i.e., her own self.
Luna did a set of three things: stare at the floor, staring at the wall, then sit in a chair and stare at the ceiling. Of all the things she should be doing now, she did none of them, and she thought of nothing. A horrible thing to do in a lab filled with items of dubious safety, but she did it anyway.
Getting tired of thinking of nothing, she pictured something in her mind to fill it. She thought of the trees outside, birds flying high, and the porch by the river. Things that brought her peace and made her believe everything was alright. And as far as her life was concerned, few things were alright but not as many as she would like. She was saddled with issues out of her control, Tony was an anxious wreck most of the time, and Loki held the weight of several worlds on his shoulders. She always wanted to try and fix things for her friends, but she had to remind herself that it was impossible. A wish had to stay a wish.
Luna quickly got fed up with looking from an empty white space to another empty white space and decided to take a walk down the hall. She left everything stowed and locked in the lab, toting only her music along. She needed to manifest some semblance of privacy while in public, and the music did an excellent job.
Hands in her pockets, she moseyed to the lobby and stared out the giant floor-to-ceiling windows. It was a great design choice to open up the room to the world outside. Now she could see the trees and the birds she imagined. She’d seen them hundreds of times during all the seasons she was here, and it never got old.
Luna opened up her music app and hit shuffle on the ‘suggestions’ list. A new sound graced her ears. She looked down at the screen, furrowing her brow, and read the title. ‘Holding On’ by Nightly. It was new. Very new, and she liked it. She added it to her favorites list and put the device back in her pocket.
She knew the scientific procedure. It was simple: defrost the RePri virus, inflict a small injury to an inconspicuous place on her body, and inject the virus to the wound site. All to test how quickly it could heal surface injuries on a human with matched DNA. It was easy to write down and easy to conceptualize, but everything else was hard. The dilemma at hand reminded her of a phrase she heard a long time ago: ‘your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should.’ A classic line from a classic film, and said by a fake scientist in a fake scenario.
However, being the real scientist in the room, it hit Luna hard. It was true that just because someone can do something, they shouldn’t necessarily do it. The presence of ‘can’ doesn’t automatically mean ‘everything will be fine.’
But Luna had a curious soul. Always eager to find things out and learn about them. She never felt there should be a limit to knowing things, but plenty of people with more power than her certainly did. Such people frightened her, especially the ones she had in mind concerning her work. S.H.I.E.L.D. or whatever they called themselves now, and groups like them. She heard about what they would do to scientists they were interested in. Jane Foster was a lucky one.
If they found out what Luna was doing, they would steal everything and erase her, or rope her into working for them and make her do whatever they wanted. Tony managed to avoid joining them by intimidating or buying his way out of surveillance via bountiful benevolence. Still, people like Luna were considered nothing but stepping stones to an end product.
On the other hand, what if she succeeded in hiding her project from the world? And kept testing the virus on herself and choice specimens. Say something went wrong, and Luna hurt herself in a way she couldn't fix. What would become of her? How would she explain it to Tony? He would lose all trust in her for keeping this a secret. How would she explain it to Loki? Would he have compassion? He was undoubtedly intelligent, but would he understand? Or would he be enraged that she used him for her own purposes? It tore at her heart. He would believe she thought nothing of his past pain and the courage it took to reveal a piece to her. He would think her heartless and precisely like everyone else. She’d lose him, and for what?
Luna felt a sharp tap on her shoulder. It startled her, and she jumped. She tore the earbuds from her ears and abruptly turned around, clutching her chest.
“Dammit, Tony!” she chastised. “You scared me!”
“Sorry, Lu,” he said, suppressing a giggle.
“Why are you here? Why couldn’t you have called me?”
“Uh, because sometimes, direct confrontation is the best thing.”
“What for?”
Tony stepped closer. “For that joke you made.”
But Luna played dumb. “What joke?” She wanted him to say it.
“The … you know.”
“Why you mad? You make jokes like that all the time.”
Tony huffed. “Yeah, but not you and not about him.” He sighed. “I don’t want you getting friendly.”
“What wrong with being nice, Tony?”
“There’s nice, there’s your level of nice, and then there’s too nice.” He pointed at her. “Don’t even think about getting too nice.”
Luna looked down at his hand and smiled, moving it aside. “It’s never even crossed my mind.”
Tony straightened up and brushed a hand through his hair. He looked her up and down and glanced outside. “So what are you doing out here anyway? Shouldn’t you be working?”
Luna swallowed. “Uh, yes. I am. Just, uh, waiting for something to defrost.” She waved a hand. “You know how long that can take.”
“In a way. So why not wait in the lab?”
“It’s dull in there. Besides, I'm keeping track of the time. Figured I would take a walk instead and check how my flower is growing. It’s been a little while, and can’t a girl check on her flower?” Tony opened his mouth to say something, and Luna lightly swatted his chest. “And don’t even think about saying what I think you’re about to say.”
He laughed and raised his hands. “Promise.” Rubbing his hands together, he rocked back and forth on his heels. “Alright. Well, don’t take too long. And no more jokes like that about you-know-who.”
Luna stepped back and gave him a mock salute. “Ay, ay, sir. Read you loud and clear.” Tony rolled his eyes, smirking, and made for the staircase on the other side.
Alone again, Luna groaned as she took off her glasses and put a hand over her face. "Ugh, what is wrong with me?" Grinding her teeth, she put her earbuds back in and restarted the song. It was good, and she wasn't sick of it yet.
She headed for the greenhouse as she fake-promised Tony. He had his eyes and ears almost everywhere, and she needed to keep up her lie. But it wasn’t all bad. It’d been a while since she'd last seen it, and she did need to check on its progress. On the trip there, all thoughts of her work vanished and were replaced with anticipation for the plant. Was it doing well? Did it bloom? Was it budding yet? Her pace quickened with her growing excitement, and in no time, she was there.
The warmth and humidity was a welcome difference from the cold, dry outside. The vegetables looked vibrant and lush, especially the tomatoes. Luna was tempted to snatch one and use it for dinner, but she hesitated. One tomato wasn't worth all the trouble if she was caught, and she was sure she had a proper one waiting on her kitchen counter.
Keeping her head down to avoid more distraction, she continued to the back where Tony’s personal garden sat. In and among the various flowers he kept was Luna’s rose. She crouched down and inspected it. As expected, it was much bigger than before. It had sprung a couple new leaves, and on the top, a sizeable bud had formed.
“Oh, hello there,” Luna said, reaching out to stroke it. She could see a speck of blue peeked out from bud’s seams. “You gonna come out soon? Hm?” She smiled wholeheartedly.
As she picked up the watering can, she could hardly contain herself. After months of waiting and gentle caring, she'll see the fruits of her labor. The flower will bloom, and she'll be able to bring it home to Loki. But once more, she second-guessed herself. Would he like it? Would it be too much? He told her about it only once in a passing story months ago. Would he read it as creepy, obsessive behavior? Maybe not. He properly confided in her now. They knew things about each other no one else did in the entire universe. Perhaps it wouldn't be too much. Maybe he would love it.
But if he didn’t, and rejected it, Luna would keep it for herself. At the end of the day, it was still the plant she raised from a seed. She would love it and care for it no matter what.
She stroked one of its leaves one more time and left. She'd spent enough time there, and any more would arouse suspicion. Well, she didn't know for sure, but it wasn't worth the risk. Besides, the plant wasn’t going anywhere.
Loki consumed Luna's thoughts on the way back to the lab. She knew so much about him, but at the same time, she knew very little. He shared as he wanted, and she did the same, but now with what she knew, what more could he be hiding? He had enough scars to last a few lifetimes – and to be fair, she did too – but she knew where she got hers and why. Where did Loki get his? And why did he have them?
Luna sat down at the lab bench and contemplated her questions. She wondered if it could have been someone he was close with, maybe family, but she quickly scratched the idea. Family could be cruel, but Loki said he’d been captured. It would have involved being far away from home, not in the depths of it. The injuries would have had to be recent to heal and fade as they did, but Asgardian physiology was different. Luna didn’t have the knowledge to know only by looking at them. And it was insensitive to ask outright. Whatever happened to him was severely traumatizing.
In a flash, something resurfaced in her mind, like a ping in a sea of silence. A memory from when she was still getting comfortable with having Loki in her home. When she was first starting her research into his genetic code.
The S.H.I.E.L.D. security videos from 2012. Loki had made passing threats and said some grave things, but thinking back on them now, Luna felt very unsettled. But she couldn’t remember exactly what he said. At least not at the top of her head.
“Hey FRIDAY, can we switch to my private server, please? And secure my connection?” Luna said into the air.
“Certainly.” FRIDAY opened up the interface and virtual files. “Is there anything in particular you need?”
“Yes. Show me those old S.H.I.E.L.D. videos again. The ones from when Loki came here.” The files spanned the screen. “Can you play the first one?” It opened up and played from the beginning.
Agents and scientists milled around, checking their computer screens and tablets. One of them poked at a device near the middle of the room. Luna assumed it to be the Tesseract. It fizzed and sputtered, and a beam of light shot from it, conjuring a portal. From the chaos and darkness, Loki appeared. Luna flinched at the sounds of guns firing and knives being thrown. It was all so violent. She looked away and waited for it to end.
“Please don’t.” Loki’s voice resounded from the video. Luna looked back up. “I still need that.” His attention was directed to a man in a black coat.
“This doesn’t have to get any messier,” the man said quietly.
“Of course it does,” Loki retorted. Luna shook her head, feeling grim. “I’ve come too far for anything else. I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.”
“Loki?” Someone else interjected with a start. “Brother of Thor?”
The first man turned and faced him. “We have no quarrel with your people.” He tried to placate, but Loki wasn’t having it.
“An ant has no quarrel with a boot.”
Luna’s feet grew cold.
“You planning to step on us?”
“I come with glad tidings,” Loki reassured, “of a world made free.”
“Free from what?”
“Freedom. Freedom is life's great lie.”
“No,” Luna whispered, leaning closer.
“Once you accept that, in your heart,” Loki turned around and pointed the scepter at the second man, “you will know peace.”
“Pause,” Luna commanded as she rose to her feet. Loki was now standing in full view of the camera. "Can we zoom in on his face and keep the image clear?"
"Certainly," FRIDAY said and did as she asked.
Loki’s face filled the screen. It was a bit blurry at first, but the program quickly enhanced it. His appearance here was profoundly different from the images of him used by the news programs. His skin was pale and shiny like he'd been sweating profusely, and his eyes were ringed in dark circles. But the look they held told a more in-depth story. They were distant and foggy, like everything he was seeing was far away. Luna's stomach turned, and she dropped back down into her seat. The drained complexion, the clammy skin, and the hazy eyes: all telltale signs of shock. She wouldn’t be surprised if his breathing and walking were labored.
She put her head in her hands, trying to control her swirling thoughts. It was all so much. The vague story he told her in the hotel troubled her greatly, and now this? She felt like she was reaching, but if there was a connection between Loki’s scars and his appearance here, it spelled something very sinister. There was no doubt the injuries he sustained would have led to him going into shock, either from blood loss or infection or both, but if this was when it happened? Luna felt a little woozy and rested her elbows on her knees.
Staring at the floor, she was overcome with the urge to embrace him. Her Loki. The one she recently spent a week sleeping with, in the literal sense. But also the Loki on the computer screen. The one who looked like he went from the frying pan and into the fire. He was in trouble, and he needed help.
Luna missed him dearly. She missed having him in her bed, going to sleep close to him, and waking up closer. Spending a full day with him in pure bliss, talking about anything, and not being afraid of what he would say. Feeling free for the time being and seeing him have a similar expression. Holding his hand for no other reason than to feel him.
Luna looked back up at the screen, still frozen on Loki’s menacing façade. She reached out and traced the curve of his jaw.
"What happened to you?" she whispered but received no answer. The Loki she knew hated being trapped. He enjoyed his freedom and the peace he felt with her. The words he spoke in the video weren’t his, at least, not naturally. He had been forced to love his cage, and his words were a result of it.
Luna took her glasses off, covered her face, and groaned loudly. She had to stop thinking about it. There was no way to tell unless she asked him, and she wasn’t planning on it anytime soon. It was awful to make up stories about things she didn’t know and an absolute waste of her time. She needed to get back to work.
She pulled on some fresh gloves and opened the freezer. The virus vials were where she left them, waiting for her to thaw them out. She took them, set them in a hot water bath, and let them melt. Like expected, it took longer than usual thawing sessions. It never ceased to cling to the cold.
Luna got her notebook, pen, and timer ready and made a trip down the hall for antiseptic wipes and fresh syringes. The box of micropipettes was full, and all the devices worked as they should.
“FRIDAY, turn everything off and go dark. I’m going to do this the old-fashioned way.”
“But, miss, if something were to happen -”
“But nothing,” Luna said confidently. “I can do it.”
“Alright. Going dark.” And FRIDAY switched off. No more coms or voice-command and the computer screen went blank.
“Ok,” she said, pulled out the now-thawed vial. “Let’s test you first.”
Luna prepared a microscope slide and turned on the corresponding machine. Using a fresh syringe, she dropped a half a milliliter of her blood onto the glass, along with the same amount of the virus. As she applied pressure to the puncture wound on her arm, she observed the activity of the cells through the eyepiece. She kept track of the time and sat for about five minutes, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. No spontaneous rupturing and no odd coloring. It looked like the last few times she’d done it.
Leaning back from it, she wrote down her observations and looked to the MicroFluid machine. She slid the microscope slide into the designated slot and turned it on. The computer screen came to life with an interface for the device. Luna sighed. Of course, she'd have to interpret the information manually.
In no time, she received the results she expected; the virus is compatible with her cells and bonded with them completely. Her testing continually remained successful outside of her body, but now she had to test it in real-time.
Luna’s hands and knees shook aggressively on the way to and back from the supply closet. Her goal was to get a sterile razor. The idea of holding it in her hand made her sick, but she was using it for an intellectual purpose. It wasn't like all the other times she'd held one, and she knew so, but the real trouble was believing it. Brains were tricky that way. They believed whatever was most comfortable for them to believe.
She closed and locked both lab doors behind her and taped pieces of scrap paper over the windows. No one in or out until she was done. Now, she had to decide where to test the virus.
She looked at her forearm and shook her head. If the experiment didn’t work, it would be obvious what she’d done, and it was sporting a pinprick anyway. It was also a particularly dangerous spot to pick. She hovered a hand over her stomach. No, the skin was too pliable, and it moved too much as she breathed. She looked down at her legs. The skin there was more durable, and she could keep it still as long as she needed, and if it didn't work, it wasn't anything long pants, and a bandage couldn’t hide.
Luna spread some paper towels on the stool by the bench and ripped off her old gloves. Bare-handed, she eased her pants down as far as they would go and sat on the towels. A lab conduct rule popped up in her mind: no exposed skin above the knee or elbow. Well, she’d broken several science rules already, so it hardly mattered now.
She cleaned the area of skin above the side of her right knee, and with a plastic ruler, measured two inches above it and put down a dot with a felt tip pen. From that point, she measured another inch and made another dot. Letting the alcohol dry, she made a note of everything in her notebook. She slipped on a pair of new gloves and opened up another syringe. Taking a deep breath, she opened up the virus vial, extracted one milliliter of liquid, and capped the needle. It was always good to start small.
Now it was time to get the show on the road. Luna picked up the razor and cleaned with antiseptic for good measure. She felt sweat start to congregate where it shouldn’t. There was no reason for her to be scared. She’d handled sharp things for most of her life, she’d tested the virus umpteen times, and she knew she was smart. She knew what she was doing. No one else did, but her.
“I’m smart. I know what I’m doing,” Luna thought to herself. She closed her eyes and repeated the phrase in her head. As of right now, the worst thing that could happen was nothing at all.
Luna opened her eyes and, without a moment spared to hesitate, made the one-inch incision. It burned and stung as she expected it to. She uncapped the needle and injected it about one centimeter from the injury site. Setting the two objects aside for disposal, she started the timer. Now to wait and see how fast it worked, if it worked at all.
30 seconds in, the stinging ebbed away to a dull ache.
Another minute, the bleeding stopped.
Two minutes in, all feelings of pain were gone, and the skin started to fill in.
Three minutes in, the wound was barely visible. It felt a bit itchy, and Luna made a note of it.
Four and a half minutes in, it fully healed to a dark pink line as a blue bruise formed around it.
Luna stopped the timer and made her last observation. She set her pen down, eyes glued to the newly-healed bit of skin. The bruising was unaccounted for, and it felt a little cold. She hovered her hand over it and lightly touched it. She winced prematurely, but it didn’t hurt. A harder press confirmed it. It tingled, but the skin was completely healed. A wound that would have taken a couple days to a week to close was done in about five minutes.
Smiling widely, Luna was beside herself. Tears prickled at her eyes as pride filled her to the brim. She did it. She did it all by herself. It was like the saying, 'curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.' In all intents and purposes, she felt very much like the cat, newly reborn and very satisfied.
She still had a lot to do; more experiments and tests to run and hypotheses to answer. But for now, she reveled in this victory. It was enough for today.
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A/N: Yes, I know I didn’t mention anywhere that a special tank system was set up for the fish, and that’s because I’m a little bit dumb. There’s a whole maintenance procedure and housing system for laboratory animals like the zebrafish (duh). I personally never worked with any, but I read enough lab papers to get a feel for it. Also, since this is still set in 2018, I had to label the song as ‘new,’ even though right now it’s not XP and yes, I had to quote Jurassic Park or I would die
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Taglist: @the-doctor-9-10 @pinkieperil @sherlockfan4life @kybaeza @withering-thoughtts
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What was the best thing to happen to you this week?
Nothing out of the ordinary happened this past week.
Where do you put your keys when you get home?
I always keep them in my bag. I rarely have to use them.
Do you prefer hot coffee or iced coffee?
Hot coffee, always.
What's your phone background picture?
My lock screen is a Bible verse written over a pretty photo of the ocean and my home screen is a rose gold background.
If you could move to any country, what would it be?
I’ll stay here.
Have you ever seen a snake in the wild?
Nooooo. I’ve seen a friend’s pet snake before, though lakjslkasjslk. They always thought it was funny to tease me about it cause they knew I was afraid and say they were going to take it out of the cage and put it near me and shit like that. I wasn’t amused.
What's your favourite movie from the 80s?
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and The Breakfast Club.
Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls?
Yes.
What would your dream wedding be like?
I don’t plan on ever getting married in the first place.
Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance?
Noooooo.
How do you cope with anxiety?
I don’t. It runs my life. <<<
Are you expecting any phone calls or emails?
My mom will probably call me later on today. She’s out of town for a few days, so she’ll call or text me at some point.
What's the weather like in your part of the world right now?
Hot. And now we’re having horrible fires in various parts of the state, which has made the air smokey and unsafe.
What was the last takeout food you ate?
Wingstop for dinner last night.
Who makes you laugh the most?
My mom and brother.
Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?
Yeah, a few.
What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist?
Had to have a few caps put on.
What does a successful relationship look like to you?
One with good communication, trust, loyalty, love, and respect.
What do you like to put on your baked potato?
I love baked potatoes. I pile on the sour cream, shredded cheese, chives, and black pepper.
What field of science interests you the most?
Psychology.
What's the closest shop or restaurant to your house?
Denny’s.
Do you have any family that live in another country?
No.
What colour is your couch?
Gray.
Do you know how to care for plants and keep them alive?
I’ve never had any.
What was the most memorable birthday you've had?
Childhood birthdays, my 21st, and 30th.
Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains?
The beach. I’m still sad I wasn’t able to go at all this summer. :(
What do you do for work?
I don’t have a job.
Have you ever been to see the circus?
I went once when I was a kid. When I got older I learned about the horrible treatment of the animals and became very much against the circus.
Are there any words that you hate or make you cringe?
The C word and p***y. I don’t even want to type them out.
What is the best house you've ever lived in?
This one.
What was the first CD you ever bought?
The first one I remember buying myself is Ashlee Simpson’s Autobiography album.
Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house?
I do a quick look.
What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?
Uhh. I don’t know, I’m picky with foods so I’m not adventurous.
Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way?
No.
What movie reminds you of your childhood?
Disney and Olsen twin movies stand out.
Do you know why your parents named you what they did?
My dad says there was a character named Stephanie on this cop show he watched in the 80s.
Do you have any bills that need to be paid?
In a few days.
What do you like to dip your fries in?
Ranch, always.
Is your house clean or messy right now?
Clean.
What was the last email you received?
Emails from a few places I’m subscribed to receive emails from.
Do you know someone who speaks without a filter?
Yes.
Are you in any social groups?
No.
How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Well, I didn’t even go to bed until like 7ish and then got up at 9ish so I could see my mom and give her a hug before she headed to the airport. I didn’t go back to sleep until like 11ish and ended up sleeping until 3ish.
What's your favourite kind of museum?
History museums.
Do you believe in alternate universes?
No.
Whose house did you last visit?
One of my aunts.
What games do you play on your smart phone?
I haven’t played any games on my phone in awhile.
Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
Yeah, a few times.
What was the first concert you ever went to?
It was a Christian rock band back in 2005. I forget their name, though. I wasn’t familiar with them, it was something my boyfriend at the time invited me to.
Do you know anyone who is colourblind?
Not that I know of.
What's your favourite season and why?
Fall and winter. I love the cold weather, the holidays, the smells, the colors, and just the coziness of it all.
Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family?
I’m the middle kid.
If you had to make something for a potluck, what would you make?
I don’t cook, so I’d just pick up something at the store.
What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween?
I have a few pumpkin and skull decorations.
How many tabs do you have open right now?
9.
What's something you've been meaning to do but keep putting off?
There’s a lot of things. :/
What's the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day?
The very first thing I do is check the time.
Have you ever flown a kite?
Nope.
Who was your favourite music artist when you were 16?
That was my emo phase, so I was into bands like Taking Back Sunday, Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights, From First to Last, etc.
What are three things you usually always have in your fridge?
Coffee creamer, shredded cheese, eggs.
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So many options, I'm picking 8,16 and 37 (separately of course) also bring on the NSFW 🥵🥵
Thank you for the prompt request, Anon! As I can only respond to your ask once, I’ll be fulfilling prompt 8, but rest assured that I’ve received another request for 37, so I’ll get to that one as well.
Hostel FeelingsPairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle)Rating: E/NSFWWord count: 4826
8. “There’s only one bed.”
The Spider-Man-community-appearances thing was really takingoff. In fact, it had taken off sowell that Peter was beginning to understand the lives of his superhero mentorsin ways he’d never really thought he would get a chance to. Mr. Stark and Mr.Rogers had both been in the spotlight a lot, for very different reasons, andPeter thought he could finally comprehend… just how much those spotlights madeyour back sweat. Seriously, rivers down his spine. Nanotechnology was cool andall, but Peter felt like Mr. Stark could’ve maybe taken a page from Nike orAdidas’s book instead and build in some kind of sweat-wicking layer. Metaldidn’t breathe.
Apparently, the old suit wasn’t as impressive. Didn’t havethat shine seldom seen outside Mr.Clean ads like the new suit did.
Oh sure, the metal Spidey-suit was fun to wear, filled Peterwith pride, and looked awesome―all gleaming and eye-catching for the generalpublic and flocks of photographers―except once it was heated under thoselights, it was a human barbecue, expensively and meticulously molded to fitPeter and only Peter. (Or some other guy about his height, build, and shoesize. Or girl. Or even, like, any well behaved dog. Maybe a Border Collie? Hewas confident that the old model mask would stretch to fit a long snout, havingonce seen it filled by Ned’s foot. There’d been an explanation at the time, butit had been so weird that Peter had given up trying to understand and basicallyforgotten about it since then.)
Anyway, Peter may have made some subtle complaints about thelights and suit combo. Even though―he swore!―hehadn’t done it to bug Happy, next thing he knew, he was getting a call fromPepper, who totally ratted on Happy as bringing Peter’s ‘whining’ to herattention. She had a plan, or her people had a plan, or the Avengers’ PR team(who still could’ve been Pepper’s people, Peter didn’t know) had a plan.
Then there were informational meetings and strategy meetingsand branding meetings and itinerary meetings and somewhere between ‘summerworld tour’ and ‘big white marquees,’ Peter heard the word ‘shade’ and said theword ‘yes.’
May was in, of course, thrilled by the idea of a vacationand hopefully nothing else, if it was up to her nephew; Happy was going alongtoo and Peter knew his aunt knew, and that she knew he knew she knew, and thatthis might still not be enough to head off any potential canoodling. He didhave to thank their disturbing occasional flirting for one thing though: itgave Peter the idea to ask if MJ could come too. Not for all of it, just acountry or two.
He’d also asked about Ned tagging along, but once again,Happy got wind and refused to include Peter’s best friend on any of the stopsoutside of the continental United States. Apparently, Ned made Happy feel likehe was on a game show―not the win-a-million-bucks kind, but thehave-questions-rapidly-fired-at-you kind. But Happy hadn’t met Peter’sgirlfriend, so some unvoiced reason prevented him from barring her from thetrip. Ethics or something. The point was, MJ was coming with him. And that MJwas his girlfriend. That was also the point.
It had turned out to be easier than Peter had thought toconfess his feelings to MJ. Especially after she told him she knew he wasSpider-Man… and then that she knew he liked her. Luckily, she liked him too,which she was also prepared to disclose. Peter was aware that he was thesuperhero, but MJ was definitely the brave one.
Between the tour’s schedule and MJ’s (which she repeatedlyinformed Peter was the more important of the two―always said with a teasingsmirk on her face), they would meet up in Italy for three weeks in August. Thatwas kinda nice, since they’d both enjoyed Venice during the school trip. MJalso appreciated that all of her expenses were being covered, including the flightover so that she wouldn’t have to worry about booking tickets last minute whentheir schedules finally aligned.
To give Peter additional time out of the suit (wow, Happymust have really laid it on thick about Peter’s so-called ‘whining’), it wasarranged that he and MJ would be allotted extra travel days between appearancedates. They could visit museums, eat, take pictures, eat, go shopping,eat―generally get a feel for a ton of places in Italy that their Midtown triphadn’t covered.
A week into Peter’s MJ time (he never called it that outloud), he was getting sick of hostels, their accommodations of choice. Only itwasn’t the stuff about hostels that people usually got sick of, like, havingtheir belongings stolen, or rooms with too many bunkbeds and not enoughprivacy, or rats. Peter had heard that there were sometimes rats. What wasmaking him restless was brushing his teeth next to MJ after dinner in thecommunal washroom and seeing her foamy toothpaste smile in the mirror. Passingher in the hall, both of them in pajamas, as she headed for the room reservedfor girls, while he went to the one for guys. Catching her eye as they eachshut the door of those rooms and knowing as surely as he knew he was Spider-Manthat he was going to suffer all night because he couldn’t roll over and see herface or pull her warm body close to his.
That was a thing too. The thought of them sleeping together.In senses of the word that he was not comfortable discussing with May in themiddle of a public restaurant, no matter how many times she tried to spring theconversation on him, claiming she wanted to make sure he was mentally preparedand, jeeze, a lot of other stuff that he’d drowned out by loudly chewing astarter salad. May had also been the reason that Peter and MJ sleeping togetherhad not happened at all, let alone as many times as he would’ve liked it to.(Ideally more than once a day, and twice on Saturday mornings.) His aunt wasjust around. There was nothing more to it than that. Peter loved her so much,but he sometimes wanted May to decide that he could be alone in the apartmentall night, no questions asked.
He probably could’ve finagled something with theaccommodations during this trip if the thought of going up to Pepper andrequesting one hotel room for him and MJ to share didn’t make him feel like theheated embarrassment on his face was trying to burn him alive. Peter hadpracticed a couple of times in bathroom mirrors while the tour was movingthrough France; no good―he was an easy blusher.
The only thing he was capable of doing was behaving himself,holding MJ’s hand all day long and breaking off kisses while he still felt likehe could. Peter kept his underlying frustrations well hidden. Meaning MJprobably knew everything.
For years, Peter had been developing the belief (and thenbeen mentored into it even further by Mr. Stark) that science was the answer.The question didn’t matter. Being in a school lab, theorizing new chemicalcombinations, or taking stuff apart―possibly not always being able to fixit―let him be both excited and totally calm at the same time. Probably likepeople who climbed really high mountains, with icepicks or whatever. God, hehad tried that, fiddling with tech in the non-metal suit he had packed in hisbackpack for emergencies while the metal one was carefully housed andtransported with Pepper and the rest of the tour crew. Evidently, even themight of science was humbled in the face of teenage hormones. So he was goingthe route of a true man of science and trying a different approach totemporarily escape his desires.
“Fresh air?” MJ asked again, looking skeptical and also so beautiful as they walked out intoearly golden light. Peter didn’t look back at the hostel they’d just checkedout of. It was no friend of his.
“Yeah,” he said excitedly, “I was researching on my phonelast night and I found this plum orchard place that’s only like, an hour out ofour way, and it’s really scenic and rural and it’s kind of like a bed andbreakfast too? And it said they make their own―”
“So,” she interrupted as Peter was extracting his phone fromhis pocket to win MJ over with pictures of the property, “this is like adaytrip or we’re changing our plans and staying overnight there?”
“Um, the second one. Is that ok?”
“Yes, dork, it’s ok with me. But I’m not the one bankrollingthis little holiday.”
“I called this morning to let…” He paused, cautiously eyeinga couple ambling past them. “…our friendsknow. They said the rooms are taken care of under some company name that won’tmake it obvious that one of us is an Avenger.”
MJ frowned at him, then yawned massively. Well, herirreverence over him dropping the A-word would keep him humble.
“Jeeze, Peter, how early were you up? And you stayed up latelast night figuring this out too?”
Peter attempted an innocent closed-lipped smile.
“Oh, just couldn’t sleep.”
One coach bus ride with a group of Austrian tourists later(Pepper’s people really could gettickets for anything), and Peter and MJ were deposited at a stately yet homeywhite villa surrounded by green Tuscan countryside. He wasn’t sure he’d everseen anything so green. The Hulk could come here for hide and seek. But it wasbetter to keep a lid on these supernatural-themed remarks, so Peter didn’t sayanything out loud. The two of them crunched across gravel, craning for one lastglimpse of the sprawling orchard of plum trees on the other side of a hedge.Well, Peter was craning. MJ could probably see over it no problem.
She was blinking, eyes adjusting to the indoors, when theyentered, so he steered them over to someone who looked like staff. Not being ahotel, there wasn’t an obvious front desk or anything. At least they had areservation. That was comforting.
“Hi, um, buon giorno.Uh, mi chiamo Peter Parker.”
“Ah, benvenuto!”the man said immediately, warm eyes sparkling in a way that Peter was beginningto find very Italian.
“Grazie,” he andMJ replied together. Phew, that was one of the words he definitely had down.
He assumed the guy recognized his name because the rooms hadbeen booked so recently. It set Peter even more at ease and he followed the manto a computer where he assumed his booking was being pulled up.
“Bene,” the manconcluded, glancing at his guests with a friendly smile. “Already paid,” heproceeded in lightly bouncing English. “The room upstairs with windows facing east.”
“The rooms,” MJ jumpedin with a reassuring smile. Peter guessed the smile was to show she wasn’ttrying to be condescending by correcting the man’s mistake, just accurate. Shecould be particular like that sometimes.
Except, uh oh, the guy was frowning.
“Una camera,” he said,eyes darting back to the computer.
“Due,” MJcountered, holding up two fingers. She and Peter exchanged a glance too shortto allow him to convey everything he was thinking.
The man did some more staring at the screen.
“Due persone, una camera,” he concluded, facing themand holding his hands palms-up.
“He thinks the reservation was for two people in one room,”MJ told Peter.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought I was getting,” he replied.Still having a lot of feelings about that.
“Con bagno,” theman supplied, going with a conciliatory smile.
“There’s a bathroom attached,” MJ muttered automatically.Yeah, she’d totally been putting in time with her English-to-Italiandictionary. What a nerd.
“It’s just,” Peter said to the man, willing a certainoutcome with his eyes that he wasn’t ready to admit to out loud, “we meant toeach get a room. Each of us in our own room.”
“All of the other rooms have been booked,” the man said.“Last reservation was for you. But one room is ok, yes? You’re having abeautiful vacation with your girlfriend.” He shot MJ a playfully sly look.“Everything has worked out,” he concluded in a tone of absolutely certaintythat Peter had also identified as very Italian.
The man handed MJ the key and pointed in the direction ofthe stairs. As they talked on the way up, Peter didn’t think he’d hadbutterflies like this since he’d found out she liked him back.
“It’s not like it actually matters,” his girlfriend said, cutting their situation down tosize.
“No, not really,” Peter agreed.
He kept looking at her out of the corner of his eye. Did sherealize? Crap, they did it at the same time. His gaze shot forward.
“Sharing a room with one person I actually know is going tobe nothing after hostel life,” she continued. This was practically rambling forMJ. She’d said ‘actually’ twice. Peter clamped his lips together, trying not togrin.
“For sure. It’ll be roomy.���
“Exactly.” They arrived at the top of the stairs and wentdown the hallway. MJ was nearly marching, fully of what appeared to be newfoundcertainty that she had a handle on everything. “I’ll be in my bed and you’ll beway across the room in yours.”
“Right.”
The word ‘bed’ made swallowing a struggle. Peter wasofficially an idiot. Then again, MJ’s hand was shaking as she unlocked the doorto their room, signifying that she was an idiot too. It would be fine though.He would act normal. Sleeping in the same room? Not a big deal. It’d be likesleepovers at Ned’s.
The door swung open. They both thought it―Peter knew theydid―but MJ was the one who said it.
“There’s only one bed.”
They discovered that there was a lot to do (outside,isolated, away from urban distractions) all day when returning to their roomwasn’t an option, and a lot to say to each other when mentioning the room wasalso off the table. After making sure it was allowed, Peter and MJ took alengthy walk down avenue after leafy avenue of plum trees. His heart surged ashe squinted through dappled light at her smiling face. When the heat rose inthe afternoon, they feasted on bruschetta at a shaded table next to thehouse―the owners’ homegrown tomatoes were also in season. MJ had gone up totheir room alone to change before lunch and the bright, wet red of the dicedtomatoes against the dazzling summer blue of the plate their food had beenserved on was almost enough to keep Peter’s eyes off her legs.
The afternoon stretched luxuriously while they stayed insideto escape the hottest hours; Peter worked out some equations in a notebook andMJ read Dante’s Paradiso. (She saidshe liked to theme her holiday reading based on location―her bookishness madehim starry-eyed.) After a while, not planning to, he realized his notebook wasin his lap and he was watching her. This place kind of was paradise, thoughPeter missed New York, but he was definitely in hell. How was he supposed to…?What was he going to…? Man, she was pretty.
He couldn’t remember what they ate for supper, diningcommunally with the handful of other guests. Any fresh, local ingredients werewasted on Peter that night. Was it possible that he hadn’t stared at MJ acrossthe table for the entire meal? Yes. Was it probable? No. He made excuses abouttoo much sun, pretending like he’d zoned out and his gaze had only happened toland on her because she was right in front of him.
“Your face is kindof red,” she agreed, then reached over to lay her fingers on his forehead. Itcould have been clinical if MJ hadn’t brushed her fingertips through his hairbefore she drew her hand back.
Peter smiled, feeling weak.
“Sun,” he repeated.
They were quiet going upstairs. The wooden steps had acomfortable old groan to them that managed to feel familiar to two people wholived in apartment buildings with concrete stairwells. Their arms skimmed asthey walked. Peter exhaled slowly through his mouth, drawn closer to MJ in ahallway settling into its own navy shadows.
“Hold on a sec,” he finally said while she unlocked thedoor. His hand was suddenly on her wrist, then stroking over the back of herhand.
MJ kissed him before Peter could tell her why he’d asked herto wait, which was great because he had no idea. He kissed her in return,slowly, holding her face with one hand so it stayed where he wanted it. Thesoft bump let him know that yes, he really had backed MJ up that tiny half-stepit took to hit the closed door. She slouched against it, keeping their kisslevel while everything inside Peter unbalanced. Somehow, his thigh was pushingwith its own determination between her legs. He wondered what her skin feltlike right below the hem of her white denim shorts. He wondered what it feltlike underneath them too.
Peter’s hands went to her hips with a squeeze that woke himup a little. He put his palms on the door instead. Gradually, the kiss loosenedand the distance between their mouths grew until their lips didn’t touch again.The last thing he shifted away from her was his lower body. He’d been hardagainst her. That was another fact for MJ to collect, another detail. It wasn’tmuch work to be observant with him. Peter gave it all away.
She finished letting them into their room while he tried notto pant on the back of her neck like a wolf about to sink its teeth in. Therewas a feeling between them, he thought. This was nothing like strolling into ahostel together after a gelato excursion or holding hands in one of a millionpiazzas. Piazze? MJ had more wordsdown than he did.
So they got changed separately―Peter in the bathroom and MJin the bedroom―but they tugged each other’s pajamas when the two of themslipped by at the threshold between rooms. And they brushed their teeth side byside― he splashed his mouth to clear away toothpaste―but he saw MJ breathinghard when water rolled down his chin, her dazed eyes on it until it passedunder the neck of his t-shirt. And they caught each other watching each other―Peterfolded down his side, she kept hers squared up to the head of the bed―as theycrawled between the sheets.
MJ had opened the large window earlier and the air had comein with the low sounds of people talking while they drank limoncello. Maybe Peter and MJ moved closer because of the breeze.Or maybe there was no breeze because the heat of an Italian August is still andinevitable. They could’ve related to part of that, if they’d thought about it.
“Pretty sure you’re supposed to be way across the room,” MJmurmured. Her foot found his.
The bedroom wasn’t so dark for him and his eyes traced thecurves of her face.
“Pretty sure you’re the one who didn’t stay on their side ofthe bed.”
“Prove it,” she said as her ankle crossed his.
Peter’s clipped laugh accompanied a smile that went widethen disappeared completely. His heart pounded.
“I’ll see you in court,” he said, lips hitting hers when hespoke.
She rolled on top of him and Peter gripped the back of herthigh just below her ass as his tongue shoved into her mouth. Her body forcedthe breath out of him―not her body’s weight, but its presence―and when he couldinhale, it was with an audible waver. Using his other hand, Peter inched theside of MJ’s tank top up until he could put his hand on her bare waist. Shedragged him deeper into the kiss, found the hem of his t-shirt and, with moreconfidence than he’d used, jerked the fabric upward as far as she could whileit was mostly trapped between them. Her pulse seemed to be right there, in herstomach when their skin met. Peter liked it, how MJ felt against him. A lot.
Their lips unlocked and they stared at each other. Her hairtickled his cheek.
“I’m on the pill,” she abruptly informed him.
“O-oh.” His face probably looked surprised, but he hoped itwas at least a good surprised,because that was how he felt.
“Apparently, sending a teenage daughter abroad to meet hernerdy yet deceptively well-muscled boyfriend in a country famous for its nudeartwork is the kind of thing that makes mothers nervous. Or so I’ve found.”
MJ pushed herself up on her elbows enough to shrug. Peterwas still struggling to exist, but knew it was time to generate a response.
“I’m… glad?” he tried, then frowned slightly. Did that makeit sound like he was happy her mother was worried? A second attempt wasnecessary. “Was the description of me your words or hers?”
“You weren’t actually mentioned during the birth controlacquisition outing, but you were strongly implied.“
Peter gathered her hair at the back of her neck, the slackcircle of his fingers standing in for an elastic.
“So, what you’re saying is that it’s your description.” Hegrinned at her as she rolled her eyes.
“Calm down, nerd. It was just a statement of facts. Am Isupposed to have somehow not noticedyour body?”
“Oh, I don’t think you’ve just noticed it,” he countered, gaspingin a breath when her palm smoothed over his abdomen. “I think you’ve thought about it.”
She went in for a kiss, probably to shut him up, but Peterdodged her, thanking his supernaturally speedy reflexes. Sighing like she wasgoing to complain about his teasing became much better sighing as his mouth ranalong her neck. Slowly, Peter started to kiss her skin. MJ’s upper body grewless tense and she dropped back onto him completely. Then, she started to pant.He licked a line, chasing her pulse.
“Fucking hostels,” she groaned and grabbed his face to kisshim on the lips again.
He moaned into her mouth as she wriggled to push her soft PJcapris off. Helpfully, Peter lifted the hand on her leg, then put it right backdown on naked skin. He raised his hips, grinding into her thigh. When she gavehim a little more space, he was sad, but not stupid; he hurriedly kicked hisown bottoms off, then yanked his shirt over his head before sitting up andgoing after hers. MJ raised her arms and the corner of his mouth ticked withhow vulnerable she was, how much she trusted him.
Pajamas shed, they both shuffled back down under the sheet.God, he wanted to reach out for her. His fingers flexed.
“It’s ok to―” he started to check, gaze descending.
“It was ok like three hostels ago,” MJ assured him.
She grabbed his hand and set it on her hip, then scootedtowards him, making his palm run over her skin. Peter thought about their daytogether. All their days together. He kissed her hard and let his hand travel.There was a noise in the back of her throat that stiffened him an improbable(not impossible―he was a scientist, he allowed for possibilities) fractionmore.
He didn’t push MJ onto her back, only fingering her gentlyin a way that made her shaky, but that was how she ended up. Still dumbstruckat the wetness as he traced between her thighs, Peter continued to trail thetip of his middle finger over and around her clit as he climbed onto her. Herhands were busy too; he hadn’t expected the greediness behind MJ’s touch as shecaressed his abs, gripped his biceps, and, most daringly (with a bold raise ofher chin as she met his eye), groped his ass. There was so much to ask herabout later. Clearly, she really had had a few thoughts in all that time she’dspent observing him. That was excellent, in Peter’s opinion.
Her hands stopped roving to grasp his hips, so Peter movedhis coaxing fingers away and ground directly against her in a determined drag.She cried out, legs jumping up to shelter his hips. He clenched his jaw.Parting her thighs slightly wider―more as a hint than because she needed to, hethought―MJ guided him that little bit lower, invited him. He looked into herface for long enough to be fully in love with her by the end of it.
“Per favore,Parker,” she whispered up to him, utterly fucking with him. “Per favore.”
“I know what that one means,” Peter said. He pressed thehead of his erection against her.
“Then why aren’t my manners getting me anything?”
He released a short laugh and started to ease inside her. Rightaway, he heard MJ’s breathing get rough and dropped his forehead to hershoulder, rubbing a hand soothingly across her arm. She shook her head after aminute. Peter thrust a little deeper, questioningly. MJ nodded rapidly. Heinhaled like he meant it and slid further. The heat in the room that they’ddefinitely added to, the midnight sounds of the countryside, the scent of herbody on clean sheets―nothing won out in the battle for his attention over thefeeling of her, so tight around him that pleasure was an agony.
MJ hooked her arms below his, damp palms pressed to thecenter of his back, and let out a contented sigh that felt too private to hear.But then again, Peter guessed they were redefining those boundaries now. Heworked his way out and back in with a focused care. A few more minutes ofgentle rocking had MJ’s hips joining in and Peter sighed too, like she’d takenaway some massive burden. It wasn’t that at all, just that this was the greatestthrill of his life―and he threw himself off skyscrapers on a regular basis!
Once they started, it only gained momentum. For real, itcould’ve been graphed or something to demonstrate the exponential escalation.Peter thought that afterwards, of course. Inside of those immeasurable moments,he was living from second to second with MJ. Her nails were short, but he feltthem in his lower back, urging him on. When her neck arched, he licked it. Allthe time, their hips were going like crazy. The intensity was almostunbearable. That didn’t mean Peter would slow down though, especially not whileMJ kept saying “faster” every few seconds at an increasingly higher pitch.
She climaxed suddenly and he felt like he’d been riding abike that had just hit a curb, sending him flying over the handlebars; thestrength of her squeeze, holding him irresistibly, was a power Peter was notequipped to fight. It brought him to his knees. Metaphorically. Physically, hewas still on top of her, thrusting shallowly through his orgasm while he waitedfor his brain to reassemble and tried to keep forcing those shuddering gaspsout of MJ.
They collapsed together after another minute: her backlanding on the bed and him landing on her. She made sure to exaggerate how muchhe was squashing her, while also wrapping her legs around him and pressing herface intimately into his neck.
“Laugh now,” she encouraged, “but how will you live withyourself after crushing me?”
“I can feel you smiling against my throat.”
Her face twitched as he felt her getting her expressionunder control.
“I was getting ready to bite you. You know, battle my wayfree.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Tell me you’ve never taken down a bad guy like that,” MJchallenged.
“With my teeth?”
“It’s called using all the weapons in your arsenal.”
Peter’s arms closed in around her and he smiled to himselfwhen MJ’s palms went to his biceps as he moved.
“Good thing you came for part of the tour. These are usefultips.”
“You know what they say. Behind every superhero is agirlfriend, assessing their combat technique and checking out their ass.”
He laughed hard, kissed her, and laughed some more. Hersmirk was delightfully smug.
“I knew you were thinking about it,” Peter teased quietly,mouth on her throat. His hips jerked.
She made a round mmmof agreement, her fingers raking into his hair.
“One more piece of advice,” MJ offered.
“I’m listening,” he promised, barely bucking.
“No―” she gasped, “―more hostels. I sleep where you sleep.”
“Or not so much sleep as…”
The white sheet twisted helplessly as MJ pushed a grinning Peteronto his back.
Pick a prompt for a Spideychelle drabble!
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Measuring Me: Buuuut After This Week Things Will Slow Down a Bit
Week of August 4: My Birthday! And Bad News
Lots of celebrations including friend visiting from all over the place. I get a call while at the African American History Museum while touring with dear friends and their baby who are in from Boston that my Mom is in the hospital with a broken hip. Kept birthday festivities scheduled as planned, including Jazz in the Garden with a wonderful crowd of friends who made me feel so supported and loved.
Week of August 11: Long Island NY - Round 1
I flew up to NY on Sunday night towards the tail end of my Boston's friends trip. It was grueling deciding if I should rush up there or not, but looking back I made the right decision. I couldn't handle all the business I needed to handle until Monday anyway. It was a flurry of hospitals, rehabs, doctors, etc. There was also going into my Mom's house after having not been inside for close to 2 years. My sister and I who had a falling out in the spring, made amends and were off to the races. Banks, respite housing, lawyers, notaries, a lot was handled in a short bit of time. Let's not forget I flew back to DC on Wednesday with a new addition, my mom's 4-year-old Chorkie (Chihuahua/Yorkie), Louie is ours indefinitely.
Week of August 18: Fall Welcome Events, and Senior Living Tours
When I wasn't running 3 large orientations, onboarding a new grad student, supporting other major Welcome/Back to school events I was researching and email independent senior living communities near-ish me. Mom was surprisingly agreeable to not go back to the house she's lived in for 40 years and move down to be near me. However, finding the right spot was a multistep task. I wound up visiting 3 places this week and 2 more places the next. I also squeezed in a Hanson concert, and ACA meeting, a 90-minute massage as well as a mani/pedi this week. I've learned I need to take care of me before I can take care of anyone else!
Week of August 25: Grad classes, Vet visits, Musicals, Wedding calls, More Senior Living Tours, and back up to NY
This week was the first work of classes where I work, which was also the first week of classes for me as a brand new grad student! I had 2 classes, one Wed and one Thurs from 5:30pm-8pm. I actually had to race out of my first class which thankfully let out a little early to uber to the Kennedy Center to see am 8pm performance of Dear Evan Hansen - it was amazing! I also visited the last 2 senior living options for mom that week and had 2 Lisbon-based wedding planner calls. One planner was great, but her price tag was steep. One planner was rude and made me feel dumb. I had a wedding planning meltdown, but had a good chat with my dear friend SC who helped me re-group. I've been building (and will continue to build) a nice pot of wedding/honeymoon money. However, when I think about all the side hustles and sacrifices I've made for a lot of this money I don't want to blow it on "a party" that usually has more bells and whistles than we are interested in. So I'm hoping to plan a celebration vacation with loved ones and I'm working with a travel agent friend of mine. I spent Labor Day weekend back in NY, this time I drove - I left as the sun rose on Saturday morning and had a full weekend of bank nonsense, errands, got Mom settled in her "respite" stay at an assisted living community, went over senior living options with Mom, and going through my childhood bedroom - including my sister and I wearing our prom dresses. We took Freddie off all his meds because he health has not been improving and it seems the meds were only making him feel sicker - the change has actually seemed to help outwardly, but still super stressful. Also, poor Louie got neutered this week and was in a cone of shame for 2 weeks!
Week of September 1: NY, Grad School, Hiking, and Pump Official
I was in NY until Tuesday and then drove back down, I had another week of two grad classes, but after sitting through my second nutrition class I was sure that it was too much science and more work than I could handle. I ended up dropping that class before the add/drop period ended and felt relieved. I did another visit to Mom's top two senior living choices to view the exact rooms that were open. I also made time for fitness. I got a permanent gig teaching Body Pump on Fridays at 6pm, I had been long term subbing the class since April, but the instructor decided to give it up and I got to take it over! The half-semester Urban Hiking class I teach started this week, which has once again proven to be a delightful highlight in my life! I also squeezed in another concert too!
Week of September 8: Fitness, Mercedes Bastards, Injury, and Friend Dates
I kicked off the week with an all-day AFAA (Athletics and Fitness Association of American) continuing ed workshop that I had already postponed once due to my crazy schedule. It was really great though, I'm glad I went. I signed papers on a place for Mom which didn't come without its own Mom drama - but at least it was relatively mild. I squeezed in a couple of friends dates: manicures with AL, walk with LH, and a dinner date LB. I was still chugging through my one grad class, but having some concerns about if this program was the right direction for me, it's much more Public Health-oriented than the Fitness and Wellness aspect of health I'm truly interested in. I had a bunch of petsitting clients and have had them during all the previous crazy weeks. I already separately about the ordeal with my Mom's leased car, but Mercedes are crooks! I had toyed with officially taking over the lease, but there is like a $1500 transfer fee that "they can't waive." There's no way they are getting a penny more than we have to pay. I made a bunch of calls to NY based insurance folks I know as well as talked to my mom's insurance agency and my insurance agency to make sure when I start driving her car everything is squared away. Also, this week my colleague aka one other coworker because I manage an office of two had a personal injury that had her out of the office for about a week. As I well know, life happens, but it started to feel like when it rains it pours....
Week of Sept 15: Drag Brunch, Euro Trips, a Resignation, and Back to NY for an Explosive Visit
I kicked off this week with a highly anticipated Sunday Funday with some fabulous work friends. I got all dolled up and headed to a drag brunch in DC which led to gay bar-hopping on a beautiful afternoon. Despite making my way home at 6pm, I still felt like trash most of Monday, but thankfully I was off. I did have my first celebration vacation in Portugal call with my friend DR who is a travel agent. It was a really exciting call and the fact that I know DR already makes things a lot easier. We have a plan for me to make the most of my scouting trip in November which is a relief. I was having a particularly busy week and was just pushing through until we get Mom moved, when my coworker (aka person 2 of our 2 person department) drop a bomb on me, she got a new job and is resigning effective 10/10 which is 3 weeks notice. I can say I'm surprised she's a great employee, had a tough job, and has been with me for almost 2.5 years. I was more shocked by her not giving me any sort of heads up. I went to a tailspin back in Jan 2017 when the other half of my office left and I was alone. Thankfully I am not 5 months into my job like I was then, this time of year is honestly "the best" time to be short-staffed and I am looking to do a re-org that hopefully would make things even better in the future. However, it means a lot more work on me all the way around. I head back to NY via train this time! I actually had my Urban Hiking class start and end at Union Station which made for a great hike and for me to easily make a 4:15pm train. Saturday night was just pizza and wine with my sister. Sunday we headed to Long Island to see my Mom. We needed a durable power of attorney signed - the one we did when my Mom was first in the hospital didn't cover as much as we need and my sister and I need the power to act on my Mother's behalf independently since I'll be handling VA business and my sister is handling NY business. My sister has a friend who is a notary and the friend was also going to on LI visiting family and agreed to come to Mom's assisted living place to have us all sign paperwork. Well, my Mom out of the blue demanded cigarettes and wine before agreeing to sign the papers. This was extremely hurtful. Most of you know my Mother is an alcoholic. Did she fall down down the stairs and break her hip because she was drunk, it's possible. Has her drinking made my life a nightmare especially the last few years? Yes. Having her hospitalized and in the care of others meant she wasn't drinking, she was actually taking her meds, and she had company and therefore didn't need to call me all the G-D time. Well, apparently my Mom's sister bought her cigarettes the week the before (WHY?!?!). My Mom was having bullshit anxiety over an eye doctor appointment because for the 15th time she's convinced she's going blind (she's not, she's fine). She NEEDED the wine and cigarettes and threw a tantrum right in the lobby, right in front of my sister's notary friend (who at least knows some of my Mom's craziness), it was horrifying and embarrassing. My sister started crying and here I am trying to keep it together. I tried to explain to Mom that her drinking was hurtful to us, especially since we've both dropped everything to tend to her situation. I explained that it feels like she is choosing wine over us and she didn't deny it. I needed these papers signed so I conceded and said after we did house stuff that day I'd take her to buy cigarettes, but I don't want to be anywhere near her when or soon after she's been drinking. After some more bank business and errands, I dropped her at a liquor store (walker and all) to get herself her precious wine. I told her I needed to cool off and needed a break from her for a few days, I would call her when I was ready.
Week of September 22: Grad School Drop Out, Wedding Planning, & Car Sales
As I drove back to DC on Monday knowing that I didn't get a chance to do my reading for grad school or work on a paper, I felt stressed (plus the stress of driving my Mom's brand new Mercedes 300 miles to DC as essentially it's maiden voyage). I have so much stress on between Mom stuff, being an office of one, wedding stuff and just general life I was at my max. The class was something I could do something about. I emailed the professor asking for an extension (I automatically have more compassion for my students now), but also let him know I was investigated dropping the class. Since add/drop and the refund period was over I was worried that since this class was being paid for my employer's tuition benefit that there might be some major financial implication. I reached out to the department chair and the HR benefits lady. The way the benefits work and the fact I hadn't used them before means I'm not on the hook for the $5000+ tuition or any of the taxes related. There is only a $27 gap that I will pay taxes on, OKAY. So I dropped the class and ultimately withdrew from the grad certificate program. I feel major relief, not only over this semester, but over the next 2 years that I had penciled in grad school for. I quickly realized that the AFAA professional development workshop is more in line with what I want than anything overly academic - I mean I already have a masters. I think eventually may get an AFAA nutrition certificate which is far less intensive and way more applicable than the route I was going to take. Now with my Wednesdays free again, I was able to make my triumphant return to my Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) meeting and I was so happy to be there with my people. I also tried to carve out more time this week for wedding stuff. Talked through my new vacation celebration idea with some friends who will be on the invite list, talked more with my travel agent D, and with my friend DM who is traveling with me for the scouting trip. I'm feeling more focused and ready to make decisions. I also sold my 2007 Camry to a coworker who happened to be in the market for a reliable used car, just as I was learning that I would be driving my mom's car and therefore wanted to sell mine. We hit a couple of snags, like the fact that my car's aftermarket tints that came on the car when I bought them were too dark to pass MD inspection. Or that I needed to sign the back of the title over to my friend, the buyer. She learned AFTER spending 3 hours at the DMV, oops! I cleaned the car out and removed my stickers from the window and bumper - that 26.2 sticker did not want to budge!
What will the next 2 weeks hold is yet to be fully seen, but here's the summary I'm expecting
Week of September 29: Senior living lease signing, 1000 last-minute Mom things, ACA, Running a 2,000 person Family/Alumni Weekend, Teaching my last Urban Hiking class of the semester and driving to NY with my fiance T and Freddie (we don't Louie thinking he is going back).
Week of October 6: Pack up the stuff that's going to VA with my Mom in a U-Haul van T is driving, I'm driving my Mom down (AKA the woman who hasn't left NY state in at least 10 years), move her into her new place, have two last days in the office having transition meeting with my colleague before she leaves on 10/10, I also have birthday celebration plans for T and my friend SL whose birthdays are this week. Also, it's my Mom's birthday so I imagine we'll be taking her out.
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02/11/2019 - Dublin, Ireland
sooooooo time has definitely gotten away from me. Here’s a quick recap of my last two weeks or so—
My short stay there made Edinburgh, Scotland my favorite stop so far. Hiking to the top of Arthur’s Seat was definitely the best experience/sight i’ve seen and i really enjoyed getting a bit of nature in- this just cements the fact that i’m not much of a city person.
From the top, we overlooked all of Edinburgh from the coast to the mountains and everything inbetween. We were even able to point out where we were staying! I also made my first friends while abroad, a girl from germany and a fellow backpacker from new zealand. The new zealand dude was weird... the girl was great tho! she hiked with us and went with us on a walking ghost tour of the city. oh yeah and I also got to visit the elephant bar, where J.K Rowling wrote the first Harry Potter book.
From there we flew to to Dublin, Ireland where we had two days to take in everything Dublin had to offer which turned out to just be drinking (shocker.) For obvious reasons, Dublin didn’t make my list of favorite cities but it was still an amazing experience. I found a really great art/science museum centered around technology and love. After that we met up with Aidan’s friend who he met on his last trip abroad, Bebe. Bebe took us on a little tour and showed us that Dublin has more to offer than just day drinkers and 6 bars on each street. It quickly turned into what is now my most memorable day i’ve had so far.
From Dublin we bused to Galway, an expensive little oceanside town on the west coast of Ireland. We took a tour to the Cliffs of Moher which were breath taking and well worth it,
things got a little dark when we found out that an accident had happened there recently where a tourist fell over the side of the cliffs. the coast guard was out with binoculars and a helicopter, I assume trying to recover the lost body. After some research I learned that although that particular incident was an accident, this is also a very popular suicide spot and around 30 people died jumping from the cliffs last year.
Buuuuuut on a happier note... I did make friends with my roommate in Galway, I call her V from Argentina. She gave me a lot of very useful tips for my next stop and even invited me to join her on her road trip through Croatia in March.
After spending 3 days in Galway, we bused back to Dublin where we are caught up to present day. I have a flight booked for the 13th and will be parting ways with Aidan a little earlier than planned. I’m excited to start my trip as a solo traveler and start seeing more of the world.
** Also happy to be going somewhere a little warmer considering all my pictures in these northern countries just turn out looking like this—
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Rio de Janeiro, Brazil - Week 1
The bus ride from Paraty to Rio was easy and uneventful. The road runs along the coast, but unfortunately the view is mostly obscured by overgrowth. I caught some dramatic, beautiful glimpses, but Brazil could learn from California and Australia. Upon arrival at my Ipanema AirBnB, I took a breath then settled in for two weeks of adventure....
My friends Scott and Tony had left Paraty a couple days early to come to Rio, so I met them for drinks and dinner Saturday night. We walked to a lively, popular-with-millenials section of Leblon and ate dinner at CT Boucherie, an established steakhouse-ish restaurant that was fantastic (and a great value for how much we ate and drink). Those guys had had a big night on Friday so we all turned in early.
And it’s good we did since Scott had a full day planned for us. We started at Parque Lage for breakfast at their famous restaurant. It occupies the courtyard of a crumbling mansion (now an art school) and sits just below Rio’s most famous landmark, Christ the Redeemer. It’s a setting made for Instagram, and everyone certainly took advantage of that. The food was pretty tasty for a place that could easily half-ass it. After breakfast we walked around the park a bit and saw our first monkeys!
We then walked through Jardim Botanico, which appears to be the Beverly Hills of Rio. We walked through the Botanical Gardens as well, which are lush and beautiful. I think the most striking element were the massive tree trunks, some of which formed walls rising several feet above the ground.
From here we traveled back to Ipanema’s Praca General Osorio for the famous “Hippie Fair”, an arts and crafts market. I’m not sure what the big deal is-- it seems like every other crafts market I’ve seen. Afterwards the guys went to the beach, but I needed some literal chill time in front of a fan, so I lay low at my apartment for a while. We met up again for dinner at Zaza, a delicious Moroccan restaurant. It was the guys’ last night, but we were all pretty beat, so we called it early after a couple more beers.
Monday was shopping day, both clothes and groceries. I am not a beach person, and I was not prepared for how beached out Rio is. Even at nighttime in nice restaurants, people are in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops. I needed some more beach wear to fit in (tho I only ended up finding one pair of shorts I liked). I met up with the guys again for lunch at Barraca do Uruguai, the most famous stand at Ipanema beach selling delicious meaty sandwiches. They had to get to the airport so we parted ways and I found myself all alone in Brazil....
On Tuesday I committed to the hard work of tourism. In the morning I took the metro to Centro, the historic center of Rio. I emerged at Rua Uruguaina into a hectic street bazaar. It was initially unnerving but a nice break from laid back Ipanema. Once I got my bearings I climbed up to Morro de Conceicao, a very old, Lisbon-esque street with cute (if shabby) townhouses, and then down to Praca Maua, the waterfront area that was revitalized for the 2016 Olympics. I first visited the Museu de Arte do Rio, housed in a beautiful colonial building attached to a gleaming modern annex. The view over Guanabara Bay is fantastic. The museum was showing two exhibits, one (”Mulheres”) featured women artists and had a lot of compelling pieces. The other was a history of samba. Once again I couldn’t understand the Portuguese captions, but there was enough music, video and glamorous visuals to make it fun nonetheless.
I walked across the plaza to Museu do Amanha (”Tomorrow”), a very modern “science” museum with a lot of interactive video displays and flashy installations for these selfie/social media loving Brazilians. The science was a bit thin; it starts with a brief history of the universe then focuses on humanity’s impact on the planet, for better and worse. But it was engaging.
I then hiked up another hill to the Mosteiro do Sao Bento, a monastery that is one of the city’s oldest buildings. Its plain, humble exterior belies an over-the-top opulence inside, a theme I found in every church I saw that day. Those early Portuguese settlers loved ornate, gilded wall reliefs like you would expect from Louis XIV.
After a tasty chicken burger at the hip Cozinha Mironga I continued toward the waterfront to Igreja de Nossa Senhora Candelaria, the biggest of the city’s historic churches. The surrounding area houses lots of current and former government buildings, most of them imposing neoclassical edifices or fanciful Baroque colonial desserts (or both). I saw the Centro Cultural do Banco do Brasil (tho I skipped the current exhibition of Dreamworks art), Igreja de Nossa Senhora do Carmo da Antiga Se (which served royal functions when the Portguese throne decamped to Brazil) and Paco Imperial (the one-time royal palace). From there I walked through the extremely underwhelming (but historic) Arco de Teles into Travessa do Comercio, a charming cobblestone street of colonial townhouses, now home to outdoor cafes.
From here I cut across the hustling narrow streets of Centro to Largo da Carioca, a plaza surrounding by some atrocious 1960s skyscrapers (tho the Petrobras HQ is a marvel) and dominated by a very old church, Igreja Sao Francisco da Penitencia e Convento de Santo Antonio (phew). It’s beautifully restored and wins the gaudiest award in a very tough category. Not one inch of that chapel was left ungilded, an odd choice for an order who has taken a vow of poverty.
I then headed back up to Real Gabinete Portugues de Leitura, or the Royal Reading Room. It’s basically a library, and one of the most stunning I’ve ever seen. It’s three stories of books (over 350,000) in sumptuous but tasteful, muted decor. You can feel the knowledge surrounding you, and it makes you yearn to have more of it.
From there I veered west into Saara, a small grid of narrow streets that serves as an outdoor market and bazaar. You can probably find anything you need here and at a good price. At the end of it I found Campo de Santana, an elegant park with an odd assemblage of wild beasts-- cats, ducks, some sort of large fowl, and a cute, big rodent creature (capybara?). That was enough for one day so I headed back to Ipanema, had a big, tasty, cheap dinner at Frontera and went home to bed.
On Wednesday I headed back down to Centro to finish my tour. I started at the Museu Historico Nacional. I have a particular interest in history museums because a) I think it’s important to have some background and context when you travel; b) I’m a history nerd; and c) they are difficult to do well since good history requires a lot of text, which is not well-suited to a museum. Rio’s history museum is... decent. Housed in a well-maintained old fort, it could definitely use some refurbishing and some more engaging exhibits. After a respectable space telling the story of the indigenous people, it mostly focuses on the leaders and elites who steered the country from a Portuguese (and Dutch and French) colony into an independent republic. It has little to say about slaves, and I found no mention of the military dictatorship that ruled from the sixties to the eighties. (This is especially problematic given the current president’s favorable, revisionist view of the dictatorship.) But otherwise the narrative seems fair and accurate, if not thorough. It has almost no weighty artifacts, like original documents or “this was the actual thing that person used” items. It is mostly full of examples (of china, jewelry, slave shackles, etc.), paintings (many immense) and busts. Two awesome exceptions are a large array of carriages and early cars spanning three hundred years and an actual historic apothecary that was moved into the museum when it went out of business. I also appreciated that all of the displays had English translations tho they were riddled with errors. It made me wonder why the museum wouldn’t have them proofread before printing them up in a permanent exhibition.
From here I walked back to Praca Floriano (aka Cinelandia) which is the heart of downtown. The plaza is fairly non-descript, but it’s surrounded by some of the city’s most beautiful buildings: Theatro Municipal, Bibliolteca Nacional, Museu Nacional de Belas Artes and Camera Municipal. It was so stunning I stopped for lunch on the square and came back to see it lit up at night (when apparently the navy was attending the opera...).
After lunch I continued west into Lapa, past the iconic Arcos (an old viaduct) and the peculiar Catedral Metropolitana de Sao Sebastio. It’s a brutalist cement cone modeled after Aztec pyramids, and it looks nothing like any church I’ve ever seen (tho not far off from St. Mary’s in San Francisco, aka “The Washing Machine”). After my initial shock and repulsion, I found it growing on me, if only for its boldness and break from tradition. It’s most famous for the tall stain-glassed windows (which are impressive in their size if not beauty), but what stood out to me was the main crucifix. It’s surprisingly small and suspended in the center of the cone about 30 feet above the altar. Jesus looks so vulnerable and alone, floating in an empty void. Of all the gory crucifixion scenes I’ve seen, this more than any other moved me and actually made me sad to think about Jesus’ plight.
I then ventured further into Lapa. Nowadays it’s best known for its rowdy nightlife, and some of the bars were just starting to open up. Like much of Rio (and many Latin American cities), the area had traces of better days but now mostly looks decrepit. I made my way back, under the Arcos and headed to Cinelandia to catch the train home.
Thursday was considerably less ambitious. After a late start, I took the metro to Botafogo. Amid the usual urban grit of Rio are several beautiful old colonial mansions (as well as a notorious favela). I believe it was once an upscale artsy neighborhood that fell into decline, but some of the old buildings have been restored as museums or work spaces. Unfortunately, like so much of the city, they are hidden and inaccessible behind tall walls and fences. One beautiful exception is the Fundacao Casa de Rui Barbosa, once home to a famous writer and politician, now a museum. I didn’t go inside but the gorgeous grounds around the home are open to the public and look like a miniature botanical garden.
I made my way toward the next neighborhood, Humaita, and stopped at Cemiterio Sao Joao Batista, the final resting place for some of Brazil’s most famous residents. It’s quite beautiful and dramatic under the watchful eye of Christ the Redeemer. My last stop was Cobol do Humaita, a food market and dining hall, which are always pleasant to wander. The sun was going down so, after six days in Ipanema, I figured it was time to see the sunset on the beach. Obviously Rio faces East but the light is still nice.
Friday turned out to be my most ambitious day and, painfully, the hottest so far. I returned to lovely Cinelandia and Lapa and visited the famous Escadaria Selaron, a public stairway that has been covered in a colorful tile mosaic in tribute to the people of Brazil. It’s pretty, fun and festive and swarming with tourists. Fortunately most people turn around at the top (if they get that far) instead of continuing into the beautiful Santa Teresa neighborhood. Like Botafogo, it’s full of charming old homes in various states of (dis)repair. But these are not walled off. And they run the gamut from cottages to palaces, so there is a lot of variety, both in architecture and culture. It reminded me of Russian Hill and Telegraph Hill. Also, this being a very steep hill, there are stunning views of the city and the bay from everywhere.
There is not much to do in Santa Teresa besides admire the loveliness, which probably helps keep the tourists away. Parque das Ruinas is the main attraction-- a crumbled mansion once owned by a salon-hosting socialite intellectual. It really feels like ruins, but staircases and walkways have been installed and the surrounding grounds turned into a park. The views from the top are spectacular. The small museum next door (Museu da Chacara do Ceu) hosts a private collection. It sounded interesting but appeared to be closed for construction.
I continued walking through the main commercial area which hosts some charming little boutiques, restaurants and bars (as well as a makeshift barber and a bar perched out on one of the viewpoints). I stopped for fantastic feijoada at Bar do Mineiro and more beer at the historic Bar do Gomes. Then, rather than walk all the way back down, I opted for the bonde, a cute little cable car that runs up and down the hill.
With a little daylight left, I headed back down to Botafogo and then over to Urca for one of Rio’s premiere attractions: Pao de Acucar (Sugarloaf Mountain). It stands tall at the north end of Copacabana and offers stunning views over the entire city and bay. It’s accessible by a sequence of two cable cars (gondolas), teetering at dizzying heights. It was crowded, as I expected at sunset, but not actually that bad. I stayed up there a while soaking in the “Marvelous City” and, like everyone else, taking tons of photos.
It was my first Friday night in the city, and I had nothing to do, which would have been a shame. But a guy I had been chatting with invited me to Paraiso do Tuiuti, a samba school. I demurred, concerned that I would not understand the instructions in Portuguese. But my friend then explained that it’s not a school so much as a club that performs sambas. The schools are formed in the favelas and compete at Carnaval every year. Friday night Paraiso was having a big birthday party and putting on a show for their friends.
The Paraiso clubhouse is across the street from Feira de Sao Cristovao, a kind of permanent country fair. It’s home to dozens of stalls selling all sorts of stuff, but at night, it’s mostly just restaurants and bars with a lot of karaoke. There is also a main stage with the kind of cheesy acts you would expect at a fair. And the crowd was overwhelmingly under 30, maybe 25. It was cute good times but I was not sorry to leave when my friend arrived.
The Paraiso do Tuiuti building is a big auditorium, not unlike a high school gym. A large samba band was in full swing in the corner of the mezzanine, and various people in uniforms, outfits and costumes were milling amongst the hundreds of guests. It all felt very festive, intimate and personable. A little later the performances started. My friend explained that each year at Carnaval each school performs a new samba and competes for first place (the schools are also organized like sports leagues with a top tier, mid tier, etc.). Paraiso do Tuiuti was performing their greatest hits that night in honor of their birthday (with songs going back to the 80s), and once they were done, a couple other schools-- Estacio de Sa and Mangueira (last year’s winners)-- performed as well. The whole experience was phenomenal and unforgettable-- the rhythms, the leg work, the costumes, the energy. It was a fantastic, only-in-Brazil night that a tourist can only hope to stumble upon.
Since I did not get home until 6am, Saturday and Sunday were my lazy days off before I returned to the tourist trail the next week....
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i was tagged by @stup1dbear to answer 85 questions and tag 20 people, thanks babe 💕
tagging: @astrobee @hobisol @kthsfatgf @kimtqe @kimlipsgf @lovjeon @starsmin @bunjunggukie @kutthi @gothaqua @heycupids @bitchsasuka @dreamyoongi @nebslo @vampykeith @artistictae @sftae @khlovbot @guavahobi @coconutjelly
(will put a read more once i get on my computer)
last
drink: a grande chai latte from starbucks lol
call: my dad
text: to my friend about the dangers of juggling knives at work
song you listened to: smoke by gia margaret
time you cried: earlier today when i burned my arm :)
have you ever
dated someone twice: nope
kissed someone and regretted it: nah
been cheated on: no
lost someone special: yep
been depressed: i have major depression baby
gotten drunk and thrown up: no, i’m not that kind of drunk
favorite colors
1. peachy sunsets
2. soft blue
3. warm beige
in the last year have you
made any new friends: yep!
fallen out of love: hmmm yeah, i would say so in a sense
laughed so hard you cried: i’m not a cry laugher
found out someone was talking about you: yep
met someone who changed you: umm i met them last year but something that happened changed me, does that count??
found out who your friends were: still figuring it out, but i did find out who wasn’t
kissed someone in your fb friends list: nah
general
how many ppl from ur fb friends do u know irl?: all of them except 2 or 3ppl
do you have any pets?: 2 cats!!
do you want to change your middle name?: nah, even if it’s common it flows well with the rest of my name
what did you do for your birthday last year?: i went to the nature & science museum, then hung out with a dog, then went out to dinner! it was fun
what time did you wake up today?: so i woke up twice. i was staying at a friend’s house and she was expecting an airbnber but they didn’t show up until like 2:30am after we all passed out!! my friend’s roommate who luckily showed up in time let her in but gosh darn. then i fell back asleep and woke up around 7am. i went to bed around 1am so not a whole lotta sleep lol
what were you doing were you doing last night at midnight?: watching queer eye, drinking with my friend, and helping her with a journal line idea she’s trying to make
what’s something you can’t wait for?: it’s gonna sound weird but for school to start again. school’s stressful and i hate how much money i’m putting into it but i love the routine and i miss the people i hang out with and meeting new people. and i’ll only be working 2 days a week during the semester so i’ll be away from that place for a good while!
what’re you listening to right now?: an album called there’s always glimmer by gia margaret
have you ever talked to a person named tom?: i know like 5 tom’s lol (all diff variations of course)
something that gets on your nerves: when ppl at my work complain about serving all the time but as soon as they get put in a diff position they don’t do their job!! it’s so annoying!!
most visited website: sadly this one
hair color: like a reddish brown. i’m redyeing it soon though
short hair or long hair: short on myself
do you have a crush on anyone: i did for a very long time but not anymore :/
what do you like about yourself?: i’m always willing to give advice or just be there if you need me
want any piercings?: nah, too many bad experiences with piercings
blood type: uhhhh i don’t even know akgcvskdls i should find that out
nicknames: my sister calls me bunny, my friend and i call each other okeo and mellon nin, and then my mom calls me mimi (although not so much anymore)
relationship status: lonely and single
zodiac sign: capricorn 🙃
pronouns: she/her
favorite show: avatar the last airbender will always be #1 in my heart
tattoos: i don’t have any rn but i’m planning on getting several (hopefully maybe before summer ends but that might be put on hold with this injury). i want the symbol from castle in the sky on the back of my neck, a kingdom hearts tattoo on my right shoulder (probably going to be my biggest one), two tattoos dedicated to jonghyun (one of them i want to get really soon), and then a few more
right or left handed: right
every had surgery: does getting wisdom teeth removed count as surgery??
piercings: not anymore
sports: when i was young i did a lot of sports but now i just watch baseball
vacation: i went to thailand back in march it was so much fun!
trainers: like the shoes??
more general
eating: nothing rn
drinking: again nothing rn
about to watch: hmmm haven’t decided yet
waiting for: my dream girl
get married: i never really thought about marriage much
career: i specialize in being a dumb bitch
which is better
hugs or kisses?: hugs
lips or eyes?: eyes
shorter or taller?: taller
younger or older?: older
nice arms or stomach?: like are we talking defined stomach or just a nice stomach?? because if so i love a nice chubby tummy
hookup or relationship?: relationship
troublemaker or hesitant?: the opposite of me which is troublemaker lolol
have you ever
kissed a stranger: no
drank hard liquor: yep
lost glasses: ....yeah
turned someone down: several times
had sex on the first date: nope
broken someone’s heart: probably
had your heart broken: in a sense
been arrested: no
cried when someone died: yes
fallen for a friend: mmmhm
do you believe in
yourself: working on it
miracles: little ones
love at first sight: yes
santa: no
kiss on the first date: depends
angels: girls are real aren’t they?
other
best friend’s name: jonathan
eye color: hmmm hazelish grayish blue green depends on the lighting
favorite movie: castle in the sky
favorite actor: hhhhh i don’t really have a fav anymore
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