#learning HOW they work and how to use them. ofc. but to gain the natural recall in them. i chanted them to myself and wrote them down. etc.

[istherewifiinhell]

always curious to me the 'testing doesnt help' thing. i suppose i have to remember theres a difference between structures of standardized testing and the act of just. practicing recall? which i would call 'quizing' myself. but then again i am the route memorization outlier... so...

[punksocks]

Pluto in 1st house + Scorpio Rising: Jealousy

So Scorpio rising/Pluto in the first is a really divisive placement to gain perspective on. And of course it is! It’s Pluto after all, and if Pluto is going to do anything it’s going to make a strong polarizing impact. I wanted to share my perspective as a Pluto 1st house and Scorpio rising individual.

The jealousy aspect is very divisive. It can sound conceited to go out in the world with a “they’re just mad because they’re jealous” attitude but I find this is often oversimplifying the experience of Pluto 1st housers/ Scorpio risings. 

My experience is colored by my Scorpio rising so this may not apply to everyone with Pluto in the 1st house, but Scorpio for all its allure and strength is still a water sign. Scorpio placement individuals have gone out into the world and been emotionally vulnerable at some point in their lives. Scorpio (and Pluto) is known as mysterious in part because of all the transformations they have gone through and how many identities they’ve appeared to shed throughout their lives. 

With gemini in the 8th house I’ve often found myself attracting enemies that would be really duplicitous. People would belittle me to my face then copy my ideas and my actions as if I’d be too naive to see that they’re blatantly ripping me off. I put distance in after my boundaries are crossed and that makes those people even more upset.

I feel like every Scorpio rising/ Pluto in the 1st individual has had an experience of someone growing close to them in order to attempt to take some part of the Asc individual away from them. The other side of jealousy is envy, and envy makes some people feel entitled to what they don’t have but feel like they deserve.

Often this envy/jealousy shows up in mimicry. I think Scorpio rising/Pluto in the 1st people dislike copycats because the lack of authenticity really goes against Pluto’s nature of stirring polarizing but authentic reactions from people.

Personally I’ve had these experiences with peers and family and friends. (Ex. I posted something I created to my story and someone at work literally looked at my story, copied it, and took it to our boss to show off their idea… then they got mad at me when I hid my story from them and they and other coworker called me conceited for it… And that’s just a tame example.)

I’ve also had my fair share of people that have tried to “mentor” me into being completely different so that they can control my ambitions and ability to manifest. Which has only made my perception more fixed/stubborn in how I’ve perceived people coming into my life. I used to second guess my assumptions and try to calm my intuition to be more considerate of what other people are going through, as a water rising but I had to stop. Not stop being considerate, of course, but stop letting in the people I sensed were resentful.

So through experience after negative experience I still stay open and positive with all the folks that enter my life for whatever reason, but I keep everyone except very few people at an arms length and out of my plans until they’ve happened. I don’t assume everyone is jealous of me, I honestly still assume the opposite but I’ve learned through a lot of trials that unfortunately envy does manifest more commonly in people that have been in my life than I had hoped for.

But using my Scorpio rising/Pluto in the first house filter for my experiences has saved me a lot of heartache and improved my life a good deal.

Often it turns out that, aside from tried and true loved ones, strangers tend to be the most benevolent and helpful. People that barely know me have been very kind and often impressed by my tenacity and have wished me the best. I believe that’s because these strangers have entered my life with only our small interactions in mind and haven’t been tempted by what they could gain by being immersed in my life. Whatever that may be. (Also, this isn’t everyone ofc just random good people I’m grateful for)

Deep down I still believe in the good in most people and showing at least kindness at first, even if I’m not wearing my heart on my sleeve and being as open as I once was in my youth. And I’m grateful for those that share sincere kindness in turn.

[pleucas]

Would you ever consider doing a colouring tutorial?

Heyooooooo

I've done a coloring post before (a few months prior), but somehow, my coloring/painting process has changed a lot since then lol. I'll give a breakdown of my process (and go into specifics on coloring) here, but please do take it with a grain (or a spoonful) of salt... I'm still very much learning, and though you can use my process as a guide, experiment on your own to find what works for you! This post got a little long I'm ngl so. open at ur own risk. it's really just me rambling and being a bit too pretentious for my own good

using my recent post as an example, my process is basically just:

first i get a clean sketch (after many hours of pain finding detailed references lol), not gonna go into that since you asked abt coloring

then i immediately go to block out shapes over the sketch. For big paintings, I don't do lineart (because i find that it eliminates a lot of depth that can be achieved with shapes and shading) — for smaller sketches and pieces, i'll do lineart tho.

I started darker to lighter in this painting because I knew I wanted harsh light. For me, it's a lot easier to project "additions" onto a surface — ie, if there's a harsh light, that's the addition vs. a shadow in neutral lighting as the addition. dunno if that makes sense, but breaking tones down like that helps me understand how i want to chronologically color smth and choose my bases:

for example, since I knew I was gonna have harsh light here, I felt comfortable with just getting the tones for my shadows down immediately. There won't be many midtones due to how extreme I saw it to be, so there was no point in finding a neutral base tone.

how i choose colors varies from painting to painting, but for this one, I decided to lean purple-blue because skk are just one of many red and blue gays (same reason why most of my other skk works lean red-blue-purple), and also because I knew I wanted my light to be on the warmer side — thus, the shadows and unlit areas will be cooler.

i also wanted it to recede (to emphasize the perspective and for depth), so for the base colors, i made them cooler + darker as they went back. This wasn't as clear in the finished product, but i think it did a good job at reminding me the vibe i wanted as i rendered

By how much I've written for this step, I guess you can assume that it's the step I put the most consideration into — and you'd be right. I think base colors really determine the vibe, and it sets you up for the rest of the painting. Sometimes I have to color adjust my bases over and over (with hue adjustments, color balance, curves) until I'm satisfied. I think that satisfaction is obtained w/ more ease as I've painted more and more. Alongside the sketch, this step takes me quite a while. Sometimes it's fun to mess with really wild color combos, but that's another topic.

Then I block out the lighting, which is probably the most drastic step but also somehow the quickest for me. Once you understand how light affects color (warmth, tone, etc) and you gain confidence with it, blocking out values in relation to base tones isn't too hard. That ofc takes practice and a lot of fundamental understanding of Shapes & Colors but there's a lot of stuff online abt the theory specifically from professionals, so I'm not gonna lecture y'all as a fanartist for glorified literary author rpf

then i just start rendering, layer by layer. above is a screenshot i took mid-rendering; at this point, dazai's clothes were basically done but I later worked on the face + hair more and textured the tie.

I try to do the stuff I want people to focus on first, because at least for me, that's when I have the most energy to make smth detailed — the more detailed an area is, the more naturally drawn you eye is to it (this is because the brain likes areas of high contrast, and details are entirely founded on the placement of contrast).

My art has never been too extremely detailed — I enjoy flatter + bigger shapes, styled texturing and silly patterns, but I find that "detail" still translates into "effort". When I look at paintings, it's very clear where someone put most of their effort — and when I can't tell, then I know I have a very confident + experienced artist who can effectively distribute their workflow (goalz). So yeah, I render in my very silly poly style but still keep that in mind.

eventually, I finish rendering. This part is kinda a blur tbh, and it always varies from artist to artist. I'd say the things I keep in mind are:

shape + form (making sure my rendering doesn't mess up gesture or vibes, and that it keeps things loose)

composition (making sure i don't overdo areas where i don't want people to focus on)

and tone (ensuring that the depth and believability of the scene stays intact so that my non-realistic style can work)

I added the bullet because i wanted a reason for the goofy expressions, just a bit more pizazz so that skk's drama was also believable lol. also visual storytelling or whtv (but that's not something i usually prioritize, it mostly comes with the concept and sketch).

I also added the bullet for some compositional spice. the dark shadow on dazai's arms was there to also emphasize the warped perspective, but it also left a weirdly empty vibe that I didn't enjoy lol. So yeah, bullet! and ofc my favorite, weird flowy line pattern thing that doesn't adhere to the laws of physics

I think a lot of my traditional painting experience leaks into my digital painting practice. I don't like lineart too much, and since I mainly work with acrylic, I rely on opaque color blocks, layering, and "carving out" shapes. probably explains my affinity for solid flat brushes in Procreate,,,,, but yeah. It's a little all over the place, but at its core, it's a lot of technical stuff mixed with habits after finding what works for me.

Dunno if this helps at all, or if it was interesting lolol. Thank you for reading until the end if you're still here! I appreciate it. I'm still learning but I've definitely learned a lot since I started this blog so it's exciting to track my progress. I'm sure I'll see this in a few years and laugh lolol.

[robotabc773]

math asks! 18, 19, 23, 40, 56, 59 (or ofc some subset, like you said)

18+19: Can you share a good math problem you’ve solved recently? How did you solve it?

I was recently several tangents down a research rabbit hole and discovered that CC: Tweaked (the modern fork of the minecraft mod ComputerCraft), instead of allowing its computers to simply know where they are in the world, instead has a built-in gps library that works on top of the rednet networking system which is itself built on top of the built-in support for wireless modems to communicate between computers. It works because sending messages via modem tells you the distance between the two communicating computers, so with a set of 4 computers that all know their own locations and are setup in the right configuration, any other computer can talk to them and trilaterate its position. Which then of course got me thinking about the amount of information you gain from knowing your distance to a particular number of fixed points and how that generalizes to multiple dimensions. I believe what we get is both our position as projected onto the space spanned by the fixed points as well as our distance to that space. I don't have an actual proof for this but I'd love to know if anyone has one or knows the name of this concept so that I can look one up!

23: Will P=NP? Why or why not?

Well for the sake of cryptography working I really hope that P≠NP because otherwise we're kinda screwed on that front. Intuitively it seems like that should be the case, like I'd expect that there should be some problems that are hard to solve even if they're easy to check.

40. What’s the silliest Mathematical mistake you’ve ever made?

I really wish I had a good story to tell here but I can't think of one sorry :c

56. Do you have a favorite sequence? Is it in the OEIS?

I often find myself with favorites in considerably less categories than I am asked about. This is one such case.

59. Can you recommend any online resources for math?

Ooh this is a little sideways from what I'd normally think of as just math (in the direction of CS of course), but I'd highly recommend The Natural Number Game, an interactive introduction to formalized proofs in Lean! If you enjoy it, Software Foundations is a great (and free!) series of textbooks to learn how to apply these techniques to the task of formalizing and proving properties of programming languages (using a similar but separate language called Coq)

[drosera-sundews]

On AI and art theft

This one’s for you @drawsoneverything​

So starting off with a disclaimer. I do not know how deviantart’s Dreamup works. I never worked there. I just know how AI works in general.

Shortest version: AIs (or neural networks, which I assume Dreamup is) are programs that mimic human neuron cells -and thus human learning processes-to a degree. A big difference between a neural network and a regular computer program is that neural networks require training. Like a human would require learning.

A neural network (the simple ones, at least) consist of a few ‘layers’ which contain many ‘nodes’. At least 3 are required, an input and output layer, plus one extra layer in between. Imagine it as something like this:

Naturally, this will all be computer code. But this is the basic anatomy of your simplest neural networks.

Each node is connected to each node, like so:

Not gonna draw all of it but you get the gist, ey. They are all connected much like -once again- neurons in the brain.

Now once you make an empty neural network like this it can’t do anything. It’s there but it’s useless and it’s interchangeable with every other untrained neural network (barring amount of layers and numbers of nodes).

What’s next is thinking of the task you want your network to perform. For example, to train it to recognize hand written letters. In this case, you’d have 26 nodes in your output layer, one for each letter of the alphabet. 

Now we need some training data

Perfect. Now imagine that’s a dataset with 5000 people’s handwriting. You need quite a lot of data to properly train an AI.

The idea is we want to input an image of a letter in any handwriting, and we want the AI to fire one of it’s output neurons, namely the one corresponding to the letter it ‘sees’.

The images need to be translated to numerical values, in order to be put in the input layer. This can be done, for example, by translating each pixel of the image in a numerical value, and having each node in the input layer be a ‘pixel’. In a human, these would be the neurons in our retina, or the back of your eye.

Translation of the image is going to look somewhat like this:

With the red numbers going into the input layer as the starting values.

We can now input our images. Something complex is going to happen. Every node is going to look at the values of the input nodes and nodes before them, and gain a value based on that, following arbitrary, random patterns. You don’t need to know the specifics here, just know that now that we have input, the nodes (or neurons) can fire.

Wow, the AI is just super wrong.

That’s okay tho, we can simply run it again until it hits the right answer by chance.

This is what the training is for. You need a dataset that’s annotated. In this case a human has to look at the inputs and identify them, so they can tell the AI if it’s right or wrong. If you do this enough times, the AI will learn to do it on it’s own.

And now here’s the catch. With every new piece of input data the machine guesses right, the values Thiof the nodes in the middle layers are changed. Like a maze, the paths to the right exit become clearer with every time the maze is completed. And while the values of the in and output layers are changed with every run, the middle layers remain. This is where the learning happens.

This is a trained neural network. And this is why it doesn’t matter that deviantart changed their policy to opt-in instead of opt-out. Those few days were enough. Once you train a neural network it doesn’t need it’s training data anymore.

Worst thing is, the middle layers are very much a black box. We don’t know what happens in there. The AI learns to categorize things on learned criteria, but what those are we can not know.

This is a very shortened down version of a very complex process ofc. Naturally, an art generator like DreamUp is going to be much more sophisticated. But I recon it follows the same rules as the simpler neural networks, which gives us something to work with.

Once a neural network is trained it cannot be ‘untrained’. Once you taint the dataset it’s very hard to reverse the effects. And generally, you can keep training an AI to make it better even if it’s already in use. Which I’m guessing is what deviantart is still doing with any new artworks that are added without the noai-tag

And the art on deviantart is already a neatly annotated dataset. We (the artists) have been annotating it by putting descriptions below the artworks, and giving it titles describing what the work depicts.

And oh, wouldn’t it be such a shame if someone were to accidentally add wrongly annotated art to this young, impressionable AI’s dataset.

Oh wow, if you uncheck the noai checkbox and then go back to re-edit your deviation, deviantart even let’s you directly annotate your art for their database! How convenient!

No artist alive has ever been able to draw a proper horse, I’m going to make sure this AI imitates life. Maybe in my next work I will teach it how to draw ‘the other eye’.

This is the beauty of the system. The AI can learn all it wants, but in the end it’s not a person. It doesn’t understand what it’s looking at.

Thus, we can do the most human thing possible to this mindless piece of code, lie!

This is the toddler we can learn curse words. This tool was designed to steal art en-masse, but it was left hilariously open and vulnerable. Let’s break this stupid thing!

Honestly, they called it deviantart, if anything I’m living up to the name. 

[morguemaw]

I WANNA HEAR THE LORE DUMP PLEAS

I HAD TO COPY PASTE AGAIN PLS WORK WITH ME

ITS ABOUT MY OC ENDO!! I REALLY LOVE HIM <333 BE GENTLE WITH ME THE INSPO SOURCE IS OBVIOUS BUT IM SHY WITH IT BECUASE OF HOW BASHED PEOPLE GET WHEN THEY DO THIS

ENDO BACKSTORY:

Endo was born and raised in Japan, moving to the city he lives in now after turning ten after his grandfather passed and left a Self Defence training school in his hands. Endo took charge of said school, and ran it with Cinder when he turned 14 as he was not yet old enough to own it himself. Shortly after he was 17 and given full ownership of the small school withint he town, he got involved in an incident that would change the course of his life.

Endo was exposed to a concentrated solution of nitroglycerin, a highly unstable and explosive liquid. Despite the solution mixing into the water within his body, he didnt go through with getting properly helped, soon gaining the ability to generate and control fire and smoke at just the age of 18, once he hit 20 he learned explosions and lava as well.

Endo quickly realized that he had the power to generate and control these elements, and he struggled to control his abilities. With his arrogant and hot- blooded nature, his abilities often ran wild, causing chaos and destruction wherever he went. However, he slowly learned to harness his powers and use them for good, becoming a powerful Vanguard in his world.

It's an even more impressive considering he's only over 20 years old with so much time and means to improve, and yet he's already rubbing shoulders with the top Champions.

Concept: The world-build that Endo lives in is akin to a stereotypical Hero/Villain concept. Terms were changed overtime to try and balance out the cliche view on those within.

CINDER

TEACHER, BUSINESS PARTNERS, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS.    

Within the growing lore of the world dynamic and their overall relationship, Cinder met Endo shortly after his 'awakening' arc. A arc inwhich Cinder escaped from a coma-induced tomb within a lava rock after his own lore took place. After this awakening, Cinder and Endo met in highschool, Cinder being a few years older than Endo. It was here Endo explained to Cinder that, considering he is not yet old enough to own his business, yet he is old enough to work, he is offering the Self Defence school to Cinder to run until he is. This helped grow their connection as they grew, as when Endo was old enough, Cinder had since graduated from CTC, and was in the process of purchasing the entire CTC school itself, making Endo's school a small sister location for those not yet prepared for the hardcore training the CTC provides. As you can guess, their bond is extremely strong, and due to the events explained here, Endo was offered a spot in the CTC, which he passed with flying scores and, despite also being offered to be a Champion, he currently is a Vanguard while still teaching in his own school.

CTC: Champion Training Course is a course inwhich people who have abilities go to train to help better understand and expand them, know how to properly use them, but also to start training to be next in line for a Vanguard or Champion title. However if they do not meet the criteria needed to show they are responsible or confident in their training, they will instead leave the course and will return back to their life before the course with just a better grip on their abilities. This course offers free service to those who often are just curious to what they behold

THEN TO EXPLAIN THE CHAMPION / VANGUARD THING ITS THAT CHAMPIONS ARE PRO HEROS, VANGUARDS ARE JUST HEROS THAT NORMALLY GET CALLED WHILE THE PROS DEAL WITH THE BIGGER ISSUES

BC IN THIS WORLD IF U ARENT TRAINED U CANNOT BE HERO

BUT OFC THERES STILL OTHER MINOR PPL. LIKE I HAVE A GUY WHO IS IN THIS WORLD TOO WHO IS A CRYPTIC HUNTER AND THE ONLY POWERS HE HOLDS ARE WITCH LIKE POWERS LIKE THE WHOLE CLICHE BREWING POT SHIT

THEN OFC A CRYPTIC FOR THE CRYPTIC HUNTER!!! I HAVE MORE TOO

ITS ALSO SUPPOSED TO BE A SLICE OF LIFE STORY

[littledamadelfuego]

ahhh!!!! thank you so much!!! i swear we could have a full-blown conversation about this. I've always wondered whether western synastry is more accurate than vedic synastry but honestly it's so haywire. also i do agree w the "subconscious block" part. he does seem like he needs a little bit of time to think about some things- like he's not fully mature yet or there yet. also i completely see your point w the nostalgic love part!!! he's VERY attached to his parents, very vocal about it, esp how close he is to his mom. i don't know how into that i am LMAO. & i completely get what u mean about the mutual aspect. usually, to figure out how a particular synastry placement may affect someone w my planets in their house, i try to visualise/remember how i was affected by that synastry placement as the house person myself in a diff friendship/relationship. ofc this is so complicated given that people respond to situations so differently & there are so many other niche aspects to consider- both within & beyond astrology. I've tried to understand houses in synastry by how i feel towards people w their personal planets in my house & I've realized I'm not usually open to 12th house synastry (as the house person)? it bothers me a bit & i tend to find those people quite annoying, usually i have a short fuse w them, they tend to get on my nerves easily (& i never express it, it's always hidden) but that might be bc i have absolutely no 12th house influence. perhaps i might be a bit welcoming to that 12th house energy if i had more 12th house influence in my natal but i don't. it's hard to tell whether he would perceive me the same way??? I've never viewed 12th house as the "soulmate" synastry (for me it's 8th house rather bc I'm quite 8th house dominant w my venus and saturn in 8th & moon sqr pluto among a lot of other pluto aspects). thank u for ur advice!! I'll definitely keep ur words in mind moving forward <3

You're welcome!!! Honestly, I think each type of astrology is valid, and it's best to use the one that feels the most true to you! But I think it's useful to learn different types of astrology to gain an added perspective!

& Yes!!! 4th House Venus can definitely indicate being close to his mother or even potentially wanting a partner like his mother... it's a definite possibility!!!

& Honestly, yes there are so so many ways to read synastry!! And it affects everyone differently!! That's why it's so important to first account for someone's own natal chart before making any general assumptions about how a certain synastry will work for them because everyone's own charts are so different, and we all have different karma's, chart configurations, familial patterns which can all affect how we react towards a certain synastry. And some are meant to experience certain synastries over others-- there is so much room for nuance.

And 12th house synastry is definitely controversial! If you don't already have a connection to it or your planets aren't making an angular connection to it, it can definitely be irritating! But I've noticed 8H'er's in particular either love it or hate it (I am an also an 8H'er with my Sun & Mercury-- caveat though, my chart ruler is in my 12H), but the thing is 8H'er's will either love how deep the 12H goes, or, conversely they will hate it, and in particular with your Venus in the 8H you probably prefer to keep certain aspects of what you love and your love life private, and you won't receive that privacy with people who are in your 12H. Most 8H'ers like to control who is able to see the deeper sides of themselves, and you don't get that choice with people in your 12H. More so, as an 8H'er you're probably quite skeptical of someone who seems to know more about you than you know yourself (as is the nature of the 12H), so it can feel very off-putting when someone brings you that energy!! & of course not everyone in your 12H has good intentions for you so it is again, always important to consider the whole chart.

Also, I don't think any house synastry alone is a *soulmate* synastry. I just think 4th, 8th, & 12th house synastry can be indicators of a potential soulmate connection because they are all spiritual houses, and these synastries imply that the connection is slightly more than what we can feel physically, and since the very nature of soulmates is spiritual I think any of these houses can be indicative of a potential soulmate, but there are again so many interpretations, but any of these houses I would want to see when considering a potential soulmate!!

[subskz]

more thoughts abt making lino wear a strap on and riding it instead of his dick 🥺🥺🥺??

sure ^_^ i think it’d be one of the best ways to mess w lino since he always expects to be pampered by you simply for sitting there n looking pretty (in my very unbiased, not at all self-indulgent opinion)

trying to teach him a lesson may not work if it results in his pleasure bc in minho’s mind, he’s just getting what he wants in the end anyway -_-; so smth like this where all he can do it lay there and watch helplessly as you use him as a holder for your strap would undoubtedly drive him crazy hehe. he’d try so hard to play it cool at first bc after all of the hard work he put in to gaining your attention through annoying you instead of just asking for it, the last thing he wants to do is swallow his pride and beg

but it doesn’t take long for him to get fidgety beneath you once you’ve asjusted the strap around him and lined it up w your entrance…he can’t help but stare w a very obvious longing as you rub the tip along your folds, whether he’s more jealous of you or the toy, he doesn’t know. poor thing would nearly hiss just from the sight of it sliding into you meanwhile his dick is twitching and neglected behind you 💓 the moment you start to move and he feels the painfully subtle stimulation of you rocking on his abdomen, his patience fizzles out and the whining begins

he scowls up at you miserably, the corners of his lips curved into an irresistible pout as he complains abt how unfair this is and how you shouldn’t get to have all the fun! but no matter how cute his big pleading eyes look as he insists “don’t you wanna play w me?”you stand your ground and remind him that he’s done nothing to deserve it and he should learn to not be so selfish 😽 he, ofc, does not take kindly to that bc he’s so used to getting his way w just a few cute words and a bit of eyelash batting…so naturally when the whining doesn’t work he starts acting up

in his frustration he jerks his hips up as best he can, trying to press his length against you and gain some kind of friction, but you quickly put a stop to it by grabbing hold of his sides and shoving them back against the mattress, earning the cutest involuntary squeak from him 🥰 even w the warning of your fingernails digging into his skin, he still doesn’t relent, and without breaking eye contact he stretches his arm out to reach behind you and try to touch himself

his whine of protest when you slap his hand away would be so pitiful you almost want to have mercy on him, but you know if you indulge him now he’ll be insufferable abt it later. instead you pin his hands above his head and let out a nice long exaggerated moan just to taunt him <3 he huffs and pouts and fusses abt how mean you are, and you shush him by saying he has no right to complain when he’s too spoiled to use his dick properly anyway, and he should pay close attention to learn a thing or two abt pleasing you instead

your words make his ears burn in humiliation, and that combined w how badly he’s aching for release quickly makes the last of his pride crumble. he squirms adorably under you as you pick up the pace, not even bothering to hold back his lil whimpers, and just as you feel your high creeping up on you he mewls out a soft, broken apology in that honey voice of his 💗 everything he did was just his own convoluted way of trying to get your attention and ofc you know that, but it’s more fun to make him ask for it outright

you give his cheek a condescending lil pat, cooing abt how much cuter he is like this as you reach behind you and finally give his dick some much-needed attention. the moan he lets out doesn’t disappoint, and he even breathes out a lil “thank you” so you won’t change your mind~ after getting him so worked up it only takes a few pumps before he’s spilling into your hand, making the most heavenly noises that send you over the edge as well ♡

[loveyourlovelysoul]

Everytime we have a thought or a fear while thinking about something, we have the power to realize to what timing it is related (generally past, present and future) and try to re-center in our awareness while being more compassionate about it.

Past thougths: recollecting traumas, memories, mental patterns/behaviours/perspectives, rumination Present thoughts: consciousness, awareness, reacting/connecting to something/someone Future thoughts: imagining/planning specific outcomes, what ifs, anxiety, predictions, expectations

To stay present with our thougths, we can: - prioritizing ourselves, avoiding to work on too many hobbies or activities all at once (better to choose one we really enjoy), spending time in nature, focusing more on self awareness-related practics - learning some daily practics that can help us let go of past and future thoughts when they become overwhelming, for example writing them down and exercising to physically letting them flow through our bodies instead of having them stuck inside - trying to be more in tune with our mind and body before making any decision or taking action: for example by stopping ourselves and counting up to 5 or 10, becoming aware of ourselves and our feelings, and reacting consequently - letting go of thoughts (present ones too) without attaching them meanings or overanalyzing them: this can help them fixate in us, gain more power over us, cause us anxiety and spiralling. The less we think about our thoughts, the more they're free to go from us, after we simply acknowledged them.

The main fact is that we never really live in the present, for a reason or another. Even healing, often takes place in our past (which is okay, in the end, but not necessary: our trauma is the reaction we have now to a past event or situation. And we cannot change what has been -it's okay to check and understand it ofc- but we can change how we perceive it nowadays). And then… we're scared of not knowing, not being able to control our future and what will be. As humans, we're pretty much buildt to think about the worse scenario, or imagine that things will just be bad, but honestly we have no proof for that. It could be either. And worrying about something we have no clue about only takes away our sanity. We should let go of the thoughts that don't serve us, and try to be more focused in our consciousness. Beware: I'm not saying it's fast and easy, just something we may take action on, slowly, when we feel ready.

[mediocredoots]

I KNOW SOME OF UR OCS, but idk the ships they go with. So I'll just ask the name of one and you can choose whoever you pair them with or lakfjwer you get it B) SO HARU!! and 3-4, 11, 17, 19, 24, and 30!

Lol well Haru and Vince are the few ocs that don't really have a permanent/fleshed out love interest. Haru I may draw self indulgent stuff with Apollo actually would not be interested in him more than a just a good ol buddy ol pal. He is however in love with the goddess of dawn, Eos who is his basically mentor's sister. For funsies though I'll answer for Apollo/Haru.

3. What was their first impression of each other? Haru was sent to Apollo by Helios to learn archery and his first impression of Apollo was he was very bright and if it weren't for his affinity to light he'd probably be blinded. Haru being a brand new god he gained some notoriety so Apollo thought he was very small and intriguing.

4. Who initiates affection? Why does the other not initiate affection as much? Apollo always. Haru is a very bashful guy, he would have to very comfortable to find the courage to be able to.

11. How do they feel about nicknames/pet names? If they like them, what pet names do they use? If they hate them, why do they feel that way? Haru doesn't mind but he wouldn't give Apollo a pet name or nickname as he'd think it would be extremely rude for him to. Apollo calls Haru many things from, my little godling/dear godling, ect ect.

17. How well do they communicate? Are they open with their feelings/thoughts or more reserved? Why? Yes and no. lol well Haru is naturally open and genuine with is feelings for the most part and wouldn't feel the need to hide anything from the god of prophecies. Apollo however very reserved about certain things. He simply feels Haru doesn't need to know the things he's done in his past. They do communicate well enough but if Haru accidentally digs into something Apollo doesn't wish to speak about he'll be quick to change the subject & Haru is never one to pry. He’s patient enough to wait for Apollo to open up on his own time.

19. Do they wear each other’s clothes/jewelry? Since jewelry is a huge thing in this whole storyline ( their souls/powers and shit being tied to gems ) it would be a huge sign of trust to share. As for clothes no way lol haru is much to small and would drown in Apollo's robes.

24. How do their personalities affect their relationship? Do their characteristics compliment each other, or clash often? They are very similar in some regards, sharing the power of light, healing, and fiery heat. They are bubbly optimists who quite literally light up a room. However Apollo holds a very cruel side to him that Haru would never get or understand. They get along well until those other traits of Apollo’s rear their ugly head. The petty, arrogant, cruelness to him that Haru would boldly claim he dislikes.

30. What are their respective love languages? Do their love languages work well together? Haru's love language is probably a mixture of acts of service and physical touch. He thrives of being physical and doing anything for a loved one. While Apollo gives gifts as his main show of love while in return he loves words of affirmation. praise cuz ofc a god has a worship/praise kink. For the most part their love languages work. Haru does not mind giving compliments or lovely words to please Apollo, but he does get very modest and humble when it comes to accepting Apollo's gifts which sometimes upsets Apollo.

[psychelis-new]

Hello! Hope you’re doing well.

I wanted your opinion on how accurate you think a personal tarot reading is?? There’s this tarot reader I was acquainted with on YT, loved her content & when she shifted to IG I begun Following her. She replies to everyone when they comment under her readings & so we would kind of chat too. I took a chance & asked her about a question that was nagging me & it’s no problem at all if she can’t, but would be nice to have an answer etc. She vv sweetly gave me the answer to that Q in a tarot reading!! Without being asked! As I’ve been supportive of her & her journey etc. since the beginning… Anyway, my Q to you is, how accurate do you think personal tarot readings are?? And do you feel that when your energy changes, so will your tarot reading??

Hello! It was very nice of her, indeed. I think that, after some time, it becomes natural to be willing to give back to those who really believe in your work and support you constantly. So glad she did that for you!

As I was mentioning in the last reply, I think a reading's accuracy depends on the connection between querent and reader. And by this I don't mean how much/deeply you two interact (ofc this can strengthen your connection anyway; even just continuosly being around their work/consuming their work can already help them pick up your energy better), but also on how good they actually are at picking up your energy and what you need to know at that time (=your answer). I mean: a reader you may have been interacting with for a while (not just about readings but like even messaging about whatever) may not be able to give you answers on something you need to know at a specific time, while another you may never have interacted with may be able to. Not to mention at times some readers are simply blocked out of some energies, like they cannot read them or get too accurate answers for whatever reason as well.

So yeah energies work in very weird ways: some readers may just work better for us (also at a specific time in our life) than others. For example I had been following this reader on YT for a while, but then I suddenly had to give up, half cause I didn't feel her readings were resonating anymore half for other reasons (I think I was being triggered and needed to heal something even if it was just energy-wise mostly). Anyway after a year or two, one of her videos popped up in my feed again and I decided to give it a try: now I am following her work again as she's resonating a lot with me even if it's only pacs. And I have never interacted with her in no way. My explanation to this is: it depends on if and how well our (querent & reader) energies are on the same plane at a certain moment in our life. This includes personal experiences too: we readers also base ourselves on our personal experiences/knowledge to express what we get during readings, so if we're not enough aware about a matter, we may have difficulties at picking it up correctly, we may miss the main point and result not too accurate; but it's also about the querent and how able is to grasp/welcome a specific answer and give it a chance. At times accuracy depends also on the querent's feelings/opennes about a message (ofc it depends on the subject of the question, some things may just be objective).

In my case, the more I make experiences and try different things, the more I learn/read about anything I feel like and gain knowledge, and the more I know myself (which is pretty important imo for readers, also to separate their own energy and problems from the querent and build boundaries with them too), the more my readings grow and may get more specific/particular messages too. At the core, they're still trying to share positivity and guidance in most cases, but I feel they can give more in some ways. It may be just an idea ofc.

Anyway, with the second question I think you may also mean if a reading may change in accuracy whether I'm doing good or feeling down? I generally don't do readings if I'm not in a at-least-okay mental state: it's of no use to drain my last bits of energy (which I need to get better), it won't help the querent nor me. And for sure I would struggle being accurate. But if I do pacs when I have something slightly troubling me and I just want to distract myself, it's not a big deal: I am channeling other people so I'm not in there. Knowing myself (and after some years of practice), I can understand when I have to say no cause reading could affect me (even potentially trigger me) and what I channel or when I can do it anyway and know it won't have consequences. I can also ask my Guides if it's okay for me to read and what/how and get guidance myself about it (it happened that I felt like doing a reading but they blocked me and it turned out I suddenly got tired or I needed to do something else -bless them). But anyway when I'm reading for other people, my energy is not included so it doesn't change anything.

Hope this helps somehow! Have a good day/night :)

[meanscarletdeceiver]

Hey! Sorry I know you're really busy, so you don't have to respond it's fine. I hope your day's going alright! :3

I was just wondering if you had any fanfics that feature Charlie and Sidney? Or could recommend any?

I believe I've read one from you before? I have no idea what it was called though, oops. But I remember it being really good! I think it featured bo-co?

Man, was I that shirty to that one anon? Sorry. You guys aren't bothering me. It was one specific person spamming my box. I love my asks!

I can't think of anyone but me who has written extensively about Charlie and Sidney. (Except... coincidentally... ToonGuy. He started coming up with a whole lil' background thing for them in 'Abridged', interspersed throughout S4-S5-TATMR. It is very different from my interpretation, ofc.) Unfortunately I'm not aware of anything else I could recommend.

Most likely you're thinking of my WIP Ex-Condor Through the Time Machine.

I have also posted a couple vignettes involving one or both of them on this blog. Here's one, two, three. There are also some things in that directory that include a young Sand as fireman, as he is due to appear in QLIR.

Speaking of 'things I am writing at the speed of molasses in winter'... I am willing to give up another little crew #2 vignette.

It's meant to be most of a chapter for a fic very similar to Ex-Condor (a 'not-quite-so-normal-day-in-the-life' multichapter thing, but from Edward's PoV and on the eve of nationalisation). Howeeeeeverrrrrr, given that my plan was to start posting and finishing it after finishing Ex-Condor... well, this otherwise isn't going to see the light of day any time soon so, if you're interested:

(Note: It uses material from the end of the Charlie Sand post, specifically about how Sid didn't know Charlie was married for like their first year or two working together. Also be warned it includes some Edward-angst. If that's a problem. Which I know damn well for most of you it isn't.)

November 1947

“Here.” There was a crinkly sound, as Sand produced some sort of folded paper from his breast pocket. “For Stationmaster. And see how our orders have changed. Write it all down and have him double-check—I don’t want any confusion.” 

“I won’t, then. That’s your job. I’ll get the engine watered.” 

“Uh, Sid…” The driver’s voice was deceptively mild. “I’ll give the orders, thanks, on my own footplate. Hop.” 

“Yeh great coward! You can’t face Dream Girl, can you?” 

“Who?” 

“Pitiful.” The fireman would be pulling a face. He had some of the very funniest. “The fair Anita!” 

“Anita?—Oh, she’s the one who handles tickets. That right?”

“Don’t play coy! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. C’mon, driver—” A bit of a tussle ensued, as Heaver began to fuss over straightening Sand’s collar, and brushing off some coal dust. “A year of this is enough! Run a hand through yer hair, set yer cap, and go over at a proper strut. She won’t wait forever!” 

“Nor will I, for that matter! Get on with you.” 

“I warn you,” said Heaver. Both men were starting to laugh, but he was the one further gone. He usually was. “If you send me, I may just snag her up, myself!” 

“If you think I won’t shove you out this cab backwards, yeh whelp, you’d better have another think—”

After a moment’s more tussling, the fireman indeed scrambled, rather unsure of foot, off the running board. “You’d try the patience of a saint, Charles,” he griped… before then setting off at an unhurried but lively skip. 

Nothing ever really shook Sid Heaver’s easy temper. 

“Pot, kettle,” muttered the driver. 

Edward was amused. “When are you going to tell him?” 

Sand laughed. “Didn’t I leave that to you? I’m still waiting!” 

“No, I can’t. I’ve told you. It’s too ridiculous.” 

“How could this comedy of errors get any more ridiculous? But I hope so. I want to see the look on his face, when he learns.” 

“Then you’d better tell him!” 

“You’re far too nice to that idiot.” 

Sand was good-natured about it, and only chuckled when Edward retorted: “Oh, you like him too, really! Anyway, it’s not that. It will be fun—but it oughtn’t be me. I don’t know, just seems a bit improper.” 

The driver laughed harder than ever. “What! What’s improper? I’ve made an honest woman of her now, before God and everyone!” 

“Oh, but all that sort of thing. Engines aren’t really supposed to comment on that—humans’ personal lives.” 

“Ah yes, we wouldn’t want engines to mention the scandal of holy wedlock!” Sand pounded the outer cab with his fist as he dismounted. “You can’t really think so. Leave that Victorian rubbish in the last century, where it belongs!” 

“Well, then.” Edward reddened, but conceded the point. It was a rule that didn’t really make much sense anymore to him, either. If it ever had. “In that case, I suppose I’m free to ask. Don’t people normally wear rings when they are married? I suppose the whole point is to avoid this sort of misunderstanding.” 

“I think the point is mostly that women like shiny things, and jewellers like to make money. But Anita wants to work, until we have children, and they won’t keep her on if they know she’s married.” 

“Wait. Whyever not?” 

“Honestly, there’s no good answer to that. Women have to deal with all sorts of extra rubbish. Like this world isn’t hard enough!” The driver descended into muttered cursing, as he wrestled with the water pipe. 

But soon it was connected, and Edward hissed comfortably as he drank, while he reflected vaguely of how little he knew, about women’s lives. They had been brought in to do all sorts of different railway work during both wars, and they hadn’t seemed all that different than the men—only inexperienced. It was rather strange, the way humans did these things… 

Sand re-oiled all axles, disconnected the water hose, and then came round, leaning on the engine’s front buffers, and looking up at him significantly, much more serious than before. 

“Will you answer me something honestly, Edward?” 

The engine was a little surprised, especially upon realizing that Sand had sent the fireman in on purpose, so that they could talk. 

But the answer came readily. Mr. Sand may have only been his driver a year now, but they had known each other for ages. “Of course, sir. What’s the matter?” 

“That’s what I want to know. You get awfully nervous, even now, when you think Hacker’s about.” 

“Oh.” Edward hissed steam again, this time in embarrassment. “I know you think it’s silly.” 

“No,” said Sand, calmly and steadily. “I don’t, that. But it is unlike you. Makes me wonder just how badly he treated you.” 

Edward wanted very much to not have to look at him. But Charlie, even as a teenager, had always been pretty canny, and it was probably no coincidence, that he had now positioned himself right where Edward should have normally looked to avoid anyone’s eye. And it was too rude, to look over a driver’s head while speaking to him. 

At least, it had been considered rude was Edward had been young. 

And, if that was another rule that had changed, he hadn’t noticed. 

“I asked you to be honest,” Sand reminded him. “I wouldn’t do that, and then turn around and raise a big fuss. Not without your say-so. But I do believe I ought to know.” 

“You never seemed to like him very much,” Edward began, slowly. This was a good deal more improper than talking about the crews’ matrimonial states. 

“Imagine that.” 

“Oh, you think he’s worse than he was. To be sure, I like you much better, but…” Edward sighed. Mr. Sand was right: he didn’t like to think about these things—and generally he succeeded in avoiding it. “I don’t think he treated me badly. I reckon he’s a pretty normal, ordinary sort of driver, and I’ve gotten rather used to being a bit coddled here, you know.” 

“Coddled!” Sand spluttered in amazement. “Is that what he said?”

“I'm not sure that he ever used that exact word. But he certainly thought I required far too much fuss in order to do my work, and, well—well, I don’t think he’s altogether wrong.”

Sand kept a handle on his self-control, and stopped himself from a rant, only with visible effort. “And why do you think so?” 

It was difficult to force himself to say, and, rude or not, he couldn’t look at Sand while he did so. “He often complained to the others that Mr. MacNeil had spoiled me. And it’s not only him that thought so, was it? Everyone used to say that. He and I were great friends, and had worked together for so long. I reckon it would have been hard for me to adjust to anyone else. I can’t blame Hacker for that…”

“Good Lord. I can!” 

“Well, you’re a little like Mr. MacNeil was. You’re pretty partial to me.” 

“If I remind you of MacNeil, I’ll take that as a compliment. He was one of the finest railwaymen I ever knew. He had twice my brains—and about fifty times Hacker’s. If he spent a good deal of extra time with you, it was for no other reason than he enjoyed it. He was married to the job, and would have been much lonelier without you—but he did not spoil you. I was there, Edward. I remember. You never needed much correcting, but he wasn’t one to hesitate, when you did. He had high standards.” Sand snorted. “Whereas Hacker has none. He’s simply lazy. Thinks he’d have an easy life of it, on a ‘proper’ railway, with new engines. I’d like to have met him on the the mainland! Those southern engines would have chewed him up and spat him out. And then, if there was anything left of him to sack, the S.R. would have done it, long ago!—But I’m not convincing you, am I.” 

“No, driver, I suppose not.” But Edward smiled faintly. He liked what Sand had said about MacNeil… who had died only a few years ago. MacNeil, who had chosen him as his own engine, when no one else had wanted him. “You’re very kind, and I’m grateful. But… well, it doesn’t bother me often—there’s no use in thinking of it—but whenever I see Mr. Hacker I am reminded of what he used to say, and I still think he was dead on about some of it. Even when I was quite new… I wasn’t much use in my early years, you know.” He saw Sand gazing, listening hard. Sand hadn’t known this. Hardly anyone did, these days. “I was a poor steamer. Too sensitive. My first railway gave me plenty of chances, but it was no good. I always thought it was Sodor that made the difference. The Fat Controller was in charge of the workshop during the first war, and he made a good many changes to me. But after all that trouble taken over me, I gave more poor performances not long after—once again, after I lost my regular crew, who had been so encouraging, and better to me than I deserved. I just don’t seem to have much to give, when I’m unrostered. Then I met Mr. MacNeil, and did all right for ages, and I am again, now that you’re with me. No surprise there—you’re both terribly clever about your business. I reckon Hacker’s right. I do seem to need rather a lot of fuss. It’s not really his place to question any more than it is mine—Controller can do as he sees fit—but it is embarrassing, when I see him, and remember that I’m still not really any more useful than I ever was, back on the mainland. And never will be, now I’m so old and worn. I’ve only been very lucky, in having more than my fair share of excellent drivers. Are—are you all right?” 

This last question was tacked on with real anxiety, for Sand had removed his cap, and was holding his head in his hands. 

“I’ll be fine,” said Sand, after a moment. His voice was uncharacteristically quiet. “It’s just that it’s a surprising lot of effort, stopping yourself from going off and committing murder…” 

“Oh, Mr. Sand…” 

“Shh. Let me get rid of his headache, would you?” 

Leaning on his elbows, Sand rubbed his temples hard for a few minutes. It was only when they heard Heaver whistling as he returned that he pushed himself back up, and glanced up at the engine. 

“I went on too long,” observed Edward, apologetic. 

“You told me what I wanted to know. And I’m sure it wasn’t easy.” 

“Do you still have that headache?” 

“No.” Sand smiled faintly. “We’re both more than ready to get to work, I’m sure. But I do wish you’d get it through your smokebox, my boy… if you are attracting loyal and clever crewmen again and again, it’s likely there’s something more than luck at play.” 

Heaver overheard the last bit, and proved a helpful translator. “That’s right! Some of us know a good thing when we see it.” 

“Like you?” retorted Sand. He had only begun to forgive Heaver’s work with Hacker. 

“And some of us simple sort of blokes need it pointed out to us,” Heaver admitted easily. “Say, Charlie. Turns out that ticket girl is a bit of an ice queen. I’m sure if you checked, you’d see I have frostbite on my arse! Still no excuse for your cowardice all these months, but…”  

Sand’s expression was indescribable. 

Edward had to laugh, seeing it, and felt spurred to finally put an end to things. “Fireman—”

But the driver held up a hand. It seemed he’d been seized by a new resolve, as well. “Oh, no. Whatever happened to engines being seen and not heard? Don’t you dare—he’s mine now.” 

Heaver blinked in confusion as driver and engine exchanged winks. 

“You’re both cracked,” he concluded, amiably. 

[thehighwaytothestars]

BRIEF PERSONALITY ANALYSIS - YEONJUN TXT

Libra Moon:

Interested in fine arts, and debates about all kinds of subjects.

But, always keep the poise and never being aggressive, or trying to make their point of view to rule over the other person.

Harmony is very important here, and usually libra moons hate fights, but they love talks where they can learn different points of views and perspectives they never thought about.

They are well cultured people.

They like to dress elegantly, and this is an expression of them, could be therapeutic, dressing according to your mood.

They hate disharmony and arrogant people.

They love when they find someone who is open minded and can talk about everything without criticizing and judging the other person.

This is a placement where the person can try to please people a lot, and sometimes just agreeing with them to stop the fight/ argument.

Loves luxury, and the fines things. They can be very good at interior design. Probably, Yeonjun will be the one decorating his house.

They care about what people think of them, and sometimes too much 🙁

Just loves the idea of being in love and being in a relationship.

Virgo Sun and Mercury:

Virgo is ruled by Mercury, so in Yeonjun’s case his Mercury is in domicile, and this makes easier to this planet to act naturally, accordingly to his virtues.

Having a Virgo Sun can make the person very demanding and hard on themselves and the others.

They can be super anxious about things, because they are always trying to reach perfection, even tho they know is not something possible to do it.

But they will try the hardest they can to achieve their goals, they will always try to give 1000% of themselves.

They know that in order to reach your dreams you Gotta work hard for it, so they often over work.

They have almost this obsession over details, and this can make them lost the big picture of things.

They are practical and problem solvers, but will appreciate when someone try to help them, to show that they care about them, and their wellbeing, because they are always the ones doing this for everyone, so is nice to change this dynamic once in a while.

In Yeonjun’s case having a Mercury Virgo just makes this energy stronger. So, you can count on he pays a lot of attention in to details, and he is always analyzing everything he can.

Owns a very logical and practical mind.

Can be an amazing writer too.

Very smart and witty.

Not super talkative, he is more the one observing people’s behavior, and yes, can be very judgmental sometimes 🙁

But, ofc he is not just serving this to people, he is the main focus of his critical mind, so he can be his worst enemy in a way.

Always thinking he is not doing enough and trying to overcompensate, always trying to do more.

Can feel sometimes, that he doesn’t deserve to be on top, if he doesn’t work hard enough and go beyond, he will second guess his own potential.

Because his Mercury and Sun are conjunct in Virgo, this can make him very aware of what he eats and his health in general; Also, how he behaves, all his gestures and how he is portraying himself.

He can be really found of reading and activities that involve patterns, and logic.

Leo Venus: It’s like...go big or go home kind of love demonstration.

Loves to spoiled and be spoiled by their loved ones. They are generous and love to buy you gifts for no reason at all, it’s because they are so in love by you, they just can’t help.

He is so genuine when he loves someone. Leo Is all about the heart, and being truly honest with your feelings, emotions, with yourself, so when he is with someone, he is for real.

He wants to show how much he loves you, so he does whatever he can to make you see that. Actually, you and the whole world.

He can even be a little clingy, he just loves being around you and feeling your presence. This makes his heart race and just fuels him with happiness.

He is truly faithful, and can be a little jealous. Will take care of you 1000%. It’s like, you are his precious little thing, and nobody can hurt you, EVER. He will defend you with his all, it doesn’t matter.

Being a Virgo Sun, and the sun being the ruler of Leo, we have here a very attentive and devoted guy. He will want try to help you with whatever he can, definitely the type to go the next mile to do something for you. But don’t fool yourself, all this love and devotion he will wanted back. He will need that you guys are connect for real, like your hearts and energies are in the same sync.

Venus talks about the pleasures in life, and in Yeonjun’s case no wonder why he loves to dress up, and fashion, and have this amazing style. He is super bold, and honest about the things he tries. That’s him, like...he is not pretending to be anyone else, you know? He does not wear the clothes to simulate or fool people, he is truly expressing himself. And, of course, he is not afraid to do it. No wonder he loves the big and all over your face, accessories, right?

He is such a romantic and passionate guy, he could even be a little be cheesy, ngl.

But, overall, will love someone with all his heart, body and soul.

He is drawn to authentic people, who are empowered, and knows their value. People who are not scare of being who they are, who can speak up. Who are passionate about what they do, and who inspire people around them, gives them courage to be brave and do what they truly want to do. Yeah...this is definitely a strong and confident person, who could totally call his attention.

He can be really confident indeed. Sagittarius Mars:

So bold and up to the challenges in life. Loves to throw himself in new experiences, especially if he is with his friends around.

Is not afraid to take risks, because this is how you learn things and gain knowledge of how things work.

He can be really competitive, and gives his all to win. He is just that guy that loves to win, and as we see above, he is totally up to the challenge. This desire to win can totally ignite his energy.

His mars is conjunct with Pluto, so this make Yeonjun puts a lot of determination in things he does. He does not stop until he gets what he wants. Could even enjoy dangerous situations.

May love to explore about the subconscious mind too, and why does he do things in the way he does. Is looking for answers there, and is not afraid of it.

Curiosity is something that definitely moves him.

He can be really energetic and doing an exercise can always help him to burn that extra energy he may have.

He can be good at sports and loves to spend the day doing things, especially outside.

I feel he loves to shop, and can’t get enough from it. This could be his favorite sport, yeah.

Can be a person who loves being around nature too, this can help him relax and get in touch with his inner self, and just to put things in his head in order, since he can overthink a lot of things, and this could lead us to a lot of tension and stress.

He can take a while to lose his patient, but when he does...OMG he can be so brutally honest, and even scary. He knows what to say in order to hurt someone, he owns a very analytical and sharp mind, so he knows how to push your buttons, he knows what is sensitive for you.

And Pluto conjunct to his Mars, can make him even more assertive with his words, and even the tone he uses can be very dark, and just terrifying. People can feel the presence of his anger, and how mad he is, even if he looks calm and collected, you’ll know by his tone of voice...it’s crazy. You can feel how serious he is, and that he is not messing around. He had enough of it.

Can lose his head when people try to boss him around, and tell what to do, or just try to take away his freedom.

Can be hard to forgive, and even if he does won’t forget what happen.

[p0megranad]

In a manifestation-related funk. What now?

first, I'd like to analyse what may have caused this whole debacle.

one thing I believe contributed to this was my lack of faithfulness to persisting. one minute I'm thinking, "alr, I'm gonna persist by using these specific affirmations and looping them for a couple of days. I'm bound to get results, right?" but then a couple of days later I'm thinking, "bah, I'm the sole power in this reality so what if I don't constantly affirm, I'm bound to get results either way". here, it's not me not constantly affirming for a few days or starting to believe that I don't need to affirm at all that's the problem. it's me not persisting in either of these beliefs. I switch back n forth between them, just running in a circle producing nothing. ofc, I could affirm that my switching back n forth b/w would have no effect on my manifesting but ironically, the lack of logic there bothers me.

my solution: start persisting in the idea that persisting isn't constantly affirming, even when I don't feel it. making manifestation a chore is one mistake that I think we'd all made. I need to understand that manifesting is customisable. what you say goes, literally.

another is that I need to stop trying out every new method that pops up on here. I want to make manifestation work for me the way I want. in the past, I'd tried the void, guided meditations for shifting, and sleep paralysis-inducing meditations. through all of these, I'd learned that I didn't enjoy lying still or relaxing my body gradually, all of it was uncomfortable for me. I'd feel stiff, itch here and there. naturally, I didn't give up and tried again and again, yet the discomfort persisted and I started feeling so mentally drained after each try. but the seductive voice of those methods saying, "hey, it might just work if you try again. who cares if you're exhausted, don't you want your dream life. I mean, no pain, no gain, after all, yea?" tempted me to try it again and again, slowly draining myself and finally exhausting myself and giving up. the void slowly became an object of great mental torture rather than the peaceful haven it was supposed to be.

my solution: stop trying other ppl's methods. it may work for others but not for me. manifestation is flexible. it is accommodating. I need to come up w a method that is neither mentally nor physically taxing bc again, what I don't want is for manifesting to become a chore.

one more is that i keep changing between beliefs. for example: thinking "oh, it takes 3 days max for me to manifest" but then half n hour later deciding that 3 days was much too long and that I'll now manifest in an hour max. the switch up right there would be enough to give anyone whiplash. tho, to me there isn't much of an issue in logic, I'm yet again not being faithful to one belief and thereby failing at persisting.

my solution: create manifesting rules for myself and stick to them. doesn't matter how but we are not tossing ourselves back n forth, we are not a shuttlecock.

I think I'll be posting my manifesting rules tomorrow once I get back home from school tomorrow. (my having to go back to school is yet another thing I kind of failed to manifest but I'll talk ab that at some later date.) anyway, I'm feeling a lot lighter but getting all of this off my chest. I think I'll be using tumblr as a diary to record all of this so expect to hear a lot of whining and the like from me. if you see this, I apologize in advance :). and who knows, perhaps all this venting cleared some kind of blockage in my belief and I'll wake up with my dream life gasp. we'll just have to see, yea?

your friend, d

[darkorderaf]

your writing has inspired me to want to start writing again! but work is a pain right now SO I shall roll up with another Evil Uno request. maybe a lil spooky take on the ‘someone almost dying and it finally clicks for them?’ supernatural shenanigans almost going wrong? always down for smut but ur instincts are impeccable so whether you feel like going there is obvs up to you!

OOOOH WHAT AN IDEA. I’m obsessed. I sort of took this one and ran with it, it might be a little weird and experimental lol, so I hope you like it. When I tell you that this one had me busting open my symphonic metal playlists...I’m also so honored and humbled that my writing has inspired you, sincerely. Me, along with everyone else, would LOVE to read your writing. And that goes for everyone who’s thinking about writing. Do the thing! <3

Pairing: Evil Uno x OFC. Prompts: Your lover almost dies and that’s when it clicks for you. Rating: M. Warnings/Content: Angst and smut. A little blood and spooky stuff. Word Count: 2,683.

(I don’t own gif; credit to allelitewrestlings!)

The first hour they met, it was within a shroud of smoke upon a floor speckled with crimson. The thick smell of brimstone burned the sensitive skin of the human’s nostrils. Eight figures watched as the form in the center of their summoning circle slowly unfurled. Her eyes flicked between the bodies. Her body felt tired, as though she had been strung along an endless journey. Her naked thighs trembled as she made to stand.

“Holy shit, it worked.”

Her eyes darted to the side and the man she looked at froze. He was short, stocky. Apparently named Silver from what she could make out from the man beside him. The pair eyed her warily. Her head throbbed and she held her hand up against the harsh light of the moon overhead. The air here felt so heavy. Footsteps shuffled behind her and she turned again. The sudden movement was too much for her weak legs and she nearly collapsed.

Strong arms caught her before she could. She tried to make sense of the masked face that hovered over hers. It looked garish, skeletal, but the eyes...His eyes were dark and warm. Full of that human concern she was familiar with. He pulled a sheet around her and took a few steps away. She gathered herself in the blanket and took a deep breath.

“Why am I here?”

The man crouched down in front of her.

“We need your help,” he said. His voice was soft and low. Gentle. Funny considering what was required to summon someone like her. “We’re...attempting something but it’s in a language we don’t understand. It’s not a human one.”

She snorted in amusement.

“So you summoned something inhuman to help you,” she said as she eyed the eight again. “And they say humans lack ingenuity.”

She made to stand and when she stumbled, he was there to help her again. Her attempt to growl at him was weak and she settled for a glare.

“What do you want from me?”

“Your wisdom, that’s why we called you here,” he answered. She didn’t doubt him. This was not a man that would lie. “Teach us what to do, that’s all we ask.”

She grinned, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. Her head lolled back against his arm as she looked up at him.

“Oh, is that what you think I am? A creature of wisdom?”

Her hand loosely curled around the collar of his vest and pulled him close. Just before she nodded off, she hissed.

“Bless your soul.”

---

She was reluctant to teach them, let alone speak, those first few days. They had forcefully summoned her there, she didn’t owe them anything and said as much. She wandered the halls of their Keep. It felt familiar to her but she couldn’t place it. Each night, the strange masked man sat with her and asked her questions. Even if she didn’t answer, he was patient with her. She never wanted for anything. Food with sunup and sundown, clean water to bathe in. Evil Uno, as she came to learn he was called, was well-versed in the history of the world she came from and all its layers. It was oddly endearing.

He asked her her opinion on things. Asked her questions she hadn’t been asked in so long. She hadn’t realized how desperate she was for conversation until he sat beside her and addressed her like an equal, not someone they simply summoned for their gain. Slowly, her answers lengthened from two words to ten to whole monologues. It was after an impassioned rant on the nine layers that she saw him smile. She smiled too.

“I like you,” she said. Evil Uno and Anna Jay were barely through the door to her room when she was on her feet. It broke the silence of the seventh day and the two members of the Dark Order glanced between each other. “Tell me what you want me to teach you and I will consider it.”

“Really?”

It was Anna that spoke and the demon nodded as she brushed past them.

“Yes. Where is your library?”

Uno was quick to fall in step beside her.

“My tongue is a difficult one to teach,” she said as she assessed him through a sideways glance. A smirk formed. “Don’t worry if you get frustrated, it’s only natural. Are you prepared?”

His eyes locked with hers and she couldn’t help the way her smirk grew. Her eyes fell to the way his smirk reflected hers. It was true. She did like this mortal man and the way he looked at her. Not with heat like most mortals but with understanding. Respect.

“I’ll have a good teacher.”

---

She went silent once he told her what exactly he wanted to do. Damn him. Damn him for drawing her in near and springing this upon her. Damn her for caring about it.

“No,” she said. She shook her head and slammed the ancient book closed. The chair scraped loudly against the stone as she stood. “I won’t teach you this.”

She made to move away and then his hands were on her shoulders, his grip a shaky thing that worried her. The demon eyed him warily.

“Please,” he begged. “Please. This is something that I need to do.”

Her eyes burned when she looked at him, his eyes so fierce yet so full of unknown sadness. What was it?

“Tell me,” she said. Her voice lost that indignant nature, tempered to something soft and almost human. “Tell me why you would want to do something so humanly reckless.”

For a brief moment, his thumbs traced the lines of her shoulders. His hands fell to his sides and he sat down heavily in the library chair. The man leaned forward and rested his face in his hands.

“I’ve…” He paused. Sat back up and straightened himself out. “Every day passes and I see the way they look at me. I remember the way they used to. I’m their leader and I’ve failed them. If I do this…” He touched the book on the table and looked at her. “If I do this, I can be the leader they deserve. I can be someone they’re proud of and we won’t ever be lost again.”

“You do not need that to be a leader,” she spat. When did human affairs get her so incensed? “You can do that of your own volition.”

“I wish that were true,” he said. “I wish that were how it was but it isn't. Please, help me do this.”

“It will kill you,” she finally said. “Or if, if it doesn’t, you will pray that it had.”

His eyes didn’t stray from hers. Damn his conviction. Damn this mortal man.

“I will teach you the words,” she said, devoid of emotion as she willed herself to set it aside. “Then the rest is up to you. I will wash my hands of this.”

“I understand,” he said. He reached out to her again and this time, his hand cradled her firewarm cheek and she allowed it. “Thank you. I mean it. Thank you.”

At that, she shook her head and moved away from his touch. She would not allow herself to grow to like it. Not when the future was being erased with every minute and her black heart couldn’t bear it.

---

Uno was a quick study and she would have been impressed if it didn’t infuriate her. She had hoped to prolong the inevitable, hoped to prolong this foolish endeavor. Even as she broke the spell into smaller and smaller parts, he picked it up quickly. Within two weeks, he was ready.

The smell of incense burned through the halls of The Keep and stirred her out of her sleep. It was the incense that she had told him he needed. They had stayed up late studying and when he had dozed off at the table in her room, she took him to her bed. She had meant to keep vigil but she too needed rest. He must have known. Clever Uno.

The smell led her to the same room that the Dark Order had summoned her into. Before she opened the door, her nose was thick with the smell of blood. He was close to completing it. She threw her body against the door three times before it finally broke apart. Inside, a great chasm consumed the center of the room. Inhuman arms tried to crawl out, tried to snatch at Uno to draw him inside.

“S-Stay back,” Uno gasped out, the man on his knees and the purple of his clothes dark with blood. Five and Ten had almost broken the lines. “I can do it. I can do this.”

Anna looked at her with tear-filled eyes and she did her best to rid her eyes of her own. With long strides, she crossed the room and threw herself to the ground between Uno and the chasm. The creature inside paused, as though it sensed one of its own. She hoped, a strange thing, that it would be enough. Uno’s heartbeat was weak behind her. The panic in her chest made her speak faster, the old and buried language alive and loud in the room. She continued to chant, to strain every muscle in her body to keep it back. To keep it away from him.

Her ears bled with the intensity of the creature’s screams and it’s claws reached out at her, scratching her arms. She didn’t flinch. The creature’s arms began to shorten, the chasm began to close. With one last infuriated shout, the chasm slammed shut and severed the creature’s arm.

With a great sob, it vanished.

The room went deathly quiet, save for her heavy breathing and the constricted sobs of the Dark Order around her. The thud behind her whipped her around and she was on her knees, Uno’s masked face cradled in her hands.

“If you die on me, mortal man, I will haunt you,” she said, voice choked with emotion. She muttered the old language under her breath as she held his face. “I will never leave you alone, do you understand? I will find you, do you understand? I will find you.”

---

Uno finally stirred two days later and she was by his side, her intense eyes on him. He thought he would be endlessly tired but he felt...awake. More awake than he had been. Just as he was about to ask,

“What did I tell you?”

“That it would kill me,” he said. “But it didn’t, did it?”

She looked at him, her jaw momentarily dropped. Then she began to laugh, a hand over her mouth. Tears welled in her eyes and he reached for her.

“It did not,” she conceded. “You’re welcome.”

“What did you do?”

“Stopped you.”

“No, that’s not...All you did, is it? I feel fine. I shouldn’t feel fine, should I?”

She had looked ethereal before, an otherworldly glow to her skin. Her eyes. It was still there but not as vibrant.

“You did something stupid,” she said. She climbed up onto the bed and sat beside his legs. “It only felt right that I should match you in stupidity. I’m never doing it again, it’s terribly human.”

His dark eyes fell on her and roved over her with suspicion. He reached out to her and she took his hand. Slowly, he led her to straddle his lap as he sat up. Her hand stroked his masked cheek.

“You never asked what I was,” she murmured. “Why?”

“It didn’t matter,” he said with a shake of his head. “I trusted you. I do trust you.”

“Bold of you,” she hummed. Her nails trailed along the pulse in his neck. “Trusting a demon.”

“You saved my life,” he said, full of that earnest nature that she adored so much. “I’ll trust you as long as I live.”

“Ask me,” she breathed. She leaned into him, cupped his face in her hands. “Ask me what I am.”

His hands went to her waist and she could feel him swallow.

“What are you?”

“A demon,” she said, an amused lilt to her voice. His hands squeezed her and she smiled at him. Her hands trailed down his chest and slowly undid the zipper of his soft vest. “Yours. So often, when humans speak of love, they speak of the love of angels as though it’s so pure. As if it’s the only love. It’s foolish.”

She tutted and caressed his face again. His hands trailed under the loose shirt she wore and caressed her heated skin.

“I burn for you,” she said. Her confident tone wavered as she looked at him. “And I do not want to be without you, my unexpected love. I think I would go cold. Can I show you? Can I be with you?”

Uno nodded and rose with her as she captured his mouth with her own. She ripped the sheets from him and made quick work of his clothing. The frantic energy they created stripped them to stand on equal grounds. Her mouth laved kisses along the flesh of his chest and when she took him into her mouth, his hips nearly shot off the bed.

Her hands held him down as her tongue traced the throbbing vein that ran the entirety of his length. She didn’t mind the way his hands pulled and pushed at her hair, her head. His choked moans coaxed a grin out of her and when he came with a ragged shout down her throat, she swallowed him whole. She trailed back up to kiss his neck, gently biting the meat of his shoulder. His hand slid down her torso and settled in the junction of her slick thighs. He surprised her by flipping them and settling her back against the bed. The lights went dark and she gasped when she felt his tongue trace up her wet slit, curl around her sensitive bud.

Perhaps her tongue had not been that difficult to learn.

Uno had her toes curling and her lungs heaving by the time she came. He certainly was a quick study. His mouth found hers and she was surprised to feel that he had foregone his mask. His hands kneaded her breasts and she felt him hard once more against her. Her thighs wrapped around his hips and he grunted as he teased her with the head of his cock.

“Lover, please,” she begged. Hells, how she wanted him. It was torture and paradise to burn so heavily with lust. “I want you, I want you.”

His initial thrust into her was slow and then his impatience got the better of him. Old, wicked words flowed from her mouth into his ear and urged him on. He repaid her in kind, French heavy on his tongue as he bucked into her. Squeezed her flesh and marked her skin with his lips, with his teeth. He panted into her pulse and she felt the way his hips stuttered, the way he pulsed inside her. He hefted her hips up higher and ground down deeper into her. The sudden sensation against her clit had her arms tightening around him, her thighs locking around him. Her nails raked down his sweaty back and gripped the muscle of his ass.

They came together with an unholy shout, their mouths locked together as their hips waxed and waned against one another before gradually coming to rest. The room remained dark as she gathered him against her chest and he slid out of her. He rested his forehead between her breasts and breathed hard.

“I…” She suddenly said, her nerves gathered in her throat. “I would like to stay with you. I don’t want to go back.”

He answered her with a kiss and lingered there.

“Then stay,” Uno said. “Be a part of us or just be a part of me, it’s your choice. I want you here, however you want to be.”

She smiled at that.

“Of course, lover.”

[astrologgeek]

Hi :)) I feel like if I keep faking it this blog will die eventually.

I'm gonna send the drafts I did make of the 500 followers game & send them to the people who asked - the ones I didn't even begin will know so, and it will come with an apology. I am sorry for letting you down - but this cancer season I've learned a lot about who I am and how much of a people pleaser am I, so I'm now shedding this fake me - and with it all of my empty promises. I understand if you unfollow - this is a bit selfish after all - but I'm okay with it as long as I get to have my blog reborn under the energy of leo season 💕🙏

This blog is called astrologgeek, it has a pixel nature aesthetic since I find my inner child in love with it - the home we used to find in pixel aesthetic characters and designs helped us shape our imagination into no shape at all - so I let it bloom, and I let myself bloom.

I have a lot of emotions to unpack here, so here is my rebellion post:

◆ WHY TUMBLR IS TOXIC ◆

Since I have left tumblr for a month and a half I've notices my energy getting more stable and powerful than before, the feeling of freedom and relief and overall comfort. Now I do say this is mostly because I also left every single social media, but tumblr takes a big part in those feeling bc I notice how draining tumblr is to me, and even other people, my tumblr mutuals - told me how much energy tumblr takes from them on the daily and without even noticing. After much thinking I've gotten to a conclusion:

(★) Tumblr

This category involves 2 subjects:

▪︎tumblr's past (TW: mentions of P0RN but mentions only)

▪︎tumblr's community

▪︎tumblr realization:

Starting with tumblr's past: after some talk and research I've found out a pretty disturbing fact about tumblr that have affected my view of it a lot - since this app practically "died" because of child p0rn0gr@phy being posted there. That is messed up on so many levels. There's more than that, so I recommend y'all to read about it on wikipedia and in these screenshots:

Moving on to tumblr's comminity, not that I have any more things to say - but tumblr's community is known to be problematic, and in our astro & spiritual tumblr communities even worse since they're even more aware of how to literally curse, evil eye, manipulate and use people's charts and history / knowledge against them. In other words, people here are dangerous - a lot of energy vampires, creeps and copycats.

Now moving to the last one, tumblr relization - now I admit that I softened my way of saying these since my 1st written opinions were a bit extreme (not wrong but extreme), but in the month and a half I was gone I got to really think it through - and got to a theory that tumblr IS an energy vampire. I, in fact - never encountered trolls or creeps or anything but the energy in tumblr remained and remains so heavy and exhausting that I even got physically exhausted from just being on tumblr. Isn't that crazy? Also - not only I felt like this, sm people did too.

So now... what can I do with all of this information?

(★) protection

Dear mutuals, protect yourselves!! My reccomendations:

• don't post your charts - you have no idea who's looking at it and what they can, want or will do with it. A birth chart is far more than enough to have the ability to curse/evil eye/suck energy from someone. Be careful.

• affirmations qnd manifestations towards gaining healthy followers and losing toxic or evil-intentioned ones, not attracting any negative enrgy etc.

• putting intentions into sigils, crystals, objects with value to you - just inputting your intentions in them and letting them help you.

• witches can ofc make protection spells.

• creating an aura/energy protection field.

• not sharing any personal details.

You don't know one of these things? Research! It won't do no harm to learn more.

So now I'm getting to the final part:

the summary.

I'm sorry for not standing up to my promises, this year I've been exploring my aries-self (mercury but also sun, rising and venus in vedic) and I'm now getting to the understanding that I don't need to please no one unless I 100% want to. I need to please myself and do good for me first :)) there will be an other new blog-attitude here 💫

Imo, tumblr is pretty toxic and incredibly problematic and needs a change asap - but I won't leave it for now 💕 I believe this community can be sm better in the future if we just protect ourselves and our work and improve the environment.

That's it, you'll see me soon I hope :))🔥💕