#let’s ignore the fact that after a while it becomes hard to believe his parents would accept him

[shiny-holographic-star]

LILITH (H13) OBSERVATIONS

Sagittarius Lilith might experience situations that don't let them expand. For example, parents that are oppressive in some way or short-lived relationships. I've had both: living in a golden cage and not having had romantic relationships that lasted longer than a month.

My mom has this placement too, and she had very controlling parents.

A friend of mine has Aries Lilith and she tells me pretty often how her father and friends are rude to her, that no matter how hard she tries they don't love her back :/

A friend with Leo Lilith told me that her ex bf didn't pay enough attention to her (like he used to do), that he pushed her away a lot to “get his own space” but in kind of a rude way (not talking, just leaving/ignoring her and expecting her to be 100% okay with it).

Lilith conjunct Sun people have a side of their personality they don't want to be seen. An insecurity or something that they think will drive people away from them.

I have this placement, and I felt guilty for having broken up with a bf. I thought I was the one who wasn't ready for commitment, not mature enough, not good enough for relationships, but after some shadow work I realized that he had been taking advantage of the fact that he had been my first bf to relax and not be 100% committed to me. He fed me bread crumbs and I didn't see it because I hadn't had a previous example of how a committed relationship looked like. I internalized the insecurities that came up as we dated and believed I was not lovable enough while he deserved better.

5th House Lilith women might have had men/boys tell them they're not special or attractive to their face.

11th House / Earth Lilith might oppose tradition and the role that was expected for them to follow by, for example, having a kid/s with someone but not getting married to the father and even parting ways with them. Both my aunt and sister have this placement in different earth signs, and they did that.

One guy with Virgo Lilith got cheated on by the mean girl of my class. She had slept with and gone out a lot with one of his friends. Another guy with Virgo Lilith was the side boy, the lover, and even though my friend at the time had told him she only wanted something casual, he got angry at her when she wanted to end their not so secret relationship. In both cases, everyone got to hear their stories (mercury rules over communication and gossip).

Also, both of them have Lilith with a minor aspect to Uranus = sudden changes. The first guy surely didn't expect that the friend he had asked to take care of his gf in a school trip he didn't go to would sleep with said gf (:s) While the second guy really seemed to had expected to become her actual bf instead of having had been broken up with once she got bored of him (:’v)

[twisted-lover-boys]

Can I request a Headcanon for Vil x male reader where the male reader is fashion designer and the one providing Vil his fabulous clothes

Vil with a fashion designer boyfriend

ooooooooooooo I saw a comic about this one by one of my fav twst artists so it’s loosely inspired by that (here’s the og post btw please give them a follow)

Still, hope you enjoy this!

{not proof-read}

==================================

👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

You were rather young when you learned that you loved to draw. You had focused mainly on outfits since you loved their intricacies

However, when your parents learned of your love for drawing clothing, they were super against it. They wanted you to “draw better things” so that you’d have a successful life in the future

At home, you were forced to draw landscapes, objects, and the like. Your only escape was when you went to your elementary school where you could freely draw

That’s how Vil first initially met you. He was so enamored by your clothing drawings and always complimented your works

From then on, he always asked you to make outfits for him. He’d ask for specific things or let you go wild with it. Either way, he loves them

You felt free because of him. You were able to do what you loved and have someone love and even encourage you to do so and get better with your talent

You always showed your designs to Vil and he’s loved every single one. It was like this for a while so it was only natural that you’d grow closer together over time

It was even more natural for you to work together and become an inseparable duo. Vil refused to work on any runway, any stage, any photo shoot unless you were there or your designs were used at his request

Vil always valued your opinion more than anyone else’s, especially when it came to fashion. Any outfit he had to model, he always asked you if it was good enough for him or not. Most of the time, they were. Sometimes though, he ended up quitting on the spot because you didn’t like them

Anyways, he always loves wearing your outfits that you designed and made for him. They’re his favorite ones to wear. When anyone asks him where he got his outfits, he just says that his boyfriend made it for him

So, how about we move on to event outfits!

Your help was crucial to the fairy gala…both times. Vil knew that if he were to give you a theme and the students you had to give said outfits to, they would look stunning either way

Honestly, Vil grew a little jealous seeing your gorgeous outfits on other students but he still couldn’t help but admire your work. They can even make unpolished potatoes into shining potatoes

Pomefiore’s Halloween theme was, in fact, Vil’s idea but all the outfits and the designs and intricacies that went into them was all you. They were both fashionable and moveable

During Vargas Camp, Vil knew what to expect because of what Epel had faced only weeks prior. That’s why he would be super upset if the clothes you made for his little trip ended up ruined

Yeah, they were outdoor clothes and could handle a little bit of wear and tear, but you worked hard on them for him! He would do anything to ensure that they stay in tip-top shape

Anytime he wears anything of yours in public or takes pictures with them on, he always makes sure to credit you properly. He will not take anyone ignoring your hard work

He’s also very adamant about you not overworking yourself. You need to rest, especially after making so many outfits for him personally but also for your job. Your hard works means nothing if you don’t give yourself rest

Vil always makes sure to properly reward you for hard work. You want a kiss? He’ll cover your face in lipstick. Want a cuddle session? He’s already cleared his schedule. Want him to model it for you? Babe, he’s already walking down the catwalk

Vil honestly believes that he got lucky in life. He met you. You both got together young and have stayed together since. Vil has never in his life seen a beauty like yours be rivaled

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎👑🏹🍎

==================================

[parentsday]

Hiii! Since you asked about headcanons/analysis stuff:

There's a common interpretation on the fandom about Max's treatment of David in the early episodes coming, at least partially, from trust issues regarding adults/authority figures. And I've seen push back against it, too. People who say it's just because David is annoyingly positive. Nothing else.

And sure, I can see that. But Nikki also acts in a cheerful manner and mostly enjoys camp, and Max doesn't treat her with the level of rudeness he treated David in season one. This could be due to her being his little partner in crime, but idk. I always interpreted it as him thinking that David is some fake nice adult who will just let him down if he allows it.

And, while I was thinking about this, I realized how this interpretation of Max's behaviour towards David adds another heartbreaking layer to Parents day.

Max's perception of David started changing after Order of the sparrow, specifically after the "Somebody fucking has to" moment. For just a moment, the annoying, overly positive persona drops, and Max is able to see a nuanced human being. And it's clear that he starts understanding David a little more, because in Cult camp (literally the next episode), he allows himself to be brainwashed and trusts that David will save the camp (btw, we as a fandom don’t talk about this aspect of this episode enough).

So yeah, his perception of David changes for the better.

But then, parents day happens.

And David spends most of the episode being an absolute jerk, even if he doesn't realize it.

He pushes SO HARD to try and make the day perfect, basically ignores Max when he states that his parents aren't coming, gets way too serious about playing the role of Max's dad for the day, forces Max into the activities and then, at the end of a day that was already shitty for Max, he yells at him.

I think the context of Max's opinion on David finnaly becoming more positive makes this episode so much sadder.

Because it ceases to be just about Max's neglectful parents.

Now it's also about the closest thing he has to a trustworthy adult making him uncomfortable, ignoring his feelings and then yelling at him and telling him that he "has a bad attitude" and "brings everyone else down instead of trying just a little bit to have fun".

(Which are things he must have heard from adults before, if he behaves the way he does at camp in school and other places)

Remember in Friends like these when he said "Life's just one dissapointment after another. I can't belive I let myself forget it"? I think he might have had the same train of thought here: "I can't believe I let myself forget David is an asshole that only cares about impressing Campbell and making this stupid camp look good". Or: "I can't believe I let myself forget that every single adult thinks I'm a bad kid and a lost cause."

And I know it gets fixed quickly, with David apologizing shortly after, but still. I think the idea of Max being dissapointed at David in Parents day, even if it was just for some moments, is so good.

I also think this is the episode that comfirms to Max that David is genuinely a good person trying his best. He spent the entire day having to think about the fact that his parents suck, and then there's David, who is kind, apologizes for upsetting him and takes him to eat pizza and have a little heartfelt talk.

When was the last time his parents apologized to him, or cared about what he wanted/needed, or talked to him so gently?

The contrast between his parents and David is so big, and I think that's what makes Max finnaly go "Yeah, this guy isn't actually that bad."

(Sorry for rambling, omg.)

hi first of all thank u for an ask and such insightful one at it too !! this was an incredibly pleasant read and a lot of the stuff you say i personally find very good analysis of the show and agree with, however i do have some stuff to say abt it soo here we go ^-^ (this will be a long one so sorry about this in advance)

as i said in some previous reply, max is an incredibly peculiar guy when it comes to the way this show treats his trauma and the way he himself behaves as a result of it, and that’s by design! a lot of the thing he says and does in the first two seasons when it comes to david are there for reasons of narrative set up, and are later masterfully recontextualized by parents day later, leaving very little room for interpretation when it comes to how and why he operates. im gonna go out on a limb and say that i don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that most of his actions towards david in the early show stem from the childish born-from-trauma need for attention and also from his need for societal reinforcement of his own ego’s right to exist. when it comes to the first one i see most people agree (bc it’s a basic child psychology fact), but turn their noses in reference to the second one.

contrary to popular belief, max being in need of constant affirmation that he, as a person with little self value, deserves to exist next to other people is something that we see examples of constantly and is not a terrible part of his character that needs to be ignored. max is a neglect victim who from our knowledge is given very little attention by his parents, as a result of it he is a pessimistic asshole kid whose ego suffers from the very thing that made it this way. its in his strained relationship with nikki and neil, its in him arguing with david to put himself in the position of an adult, its him putting himself above others when it’s not needed and its in him putting his own egos safety first when time comes to accept that things are moving forward (two final episodes from both s3 and s4 are good examples of this). its not an inherently positive trait, but it is one okay for him to have by the virtue of being a young abused child with no support system, and denying it will leave him devoid of this characterization. in freudian (ugh) terms, we cannot separate his character’s superego from his id in a way that won’t harm the way he was intentionally written. Id, ego and superego are all influenced by our relationship with our parents, the amount of nurturing of a child's emotional and psychological needs parents does will result in the child’s psychological state forming a certain way, max as a character who is heavily reliant of his lackluster relationship with his parents is not devoid of this and it affects his relationship with david too. and the reason i’m saying all of this is exactly due to this.

david, when put in most simple terms, is a character who’s an adult figure present and mature enough in max’s current social position that it allows him to treat max as a child, something max is not used to. not used to to such an extent that it puts a strain on his ego in the process. david feeds his need for any form of attention, positive or not, just as much as he clips away at max’s need to be seen as socially important and in a position of an adult. it’s arguable if both of these are good or not but the main thing they are in relation to is obvious: max feels that being an adult who meets both of his psychological needs in ways that are unfamiliar to him makes david an untrustworthy person, thats exactly where you interpretation comes in clutch.

max and his behavior towards david cannot be separated from david being an adult, that is made clear with the way he treats nikki as an equal just because she is a person his age, despite her sharing a lot of david’s traits. going through the episodes you mentioned, order of the sparrow episode lets max see david perspective for the very first time. max is allowed to peek into the reason why david acts the way he does, however it alone doesn’t make him see david in a good light, if anything it makes him appear genuine in his actions. it also lets max have something for david that he didn’t have before: trust. it ends up being used in cult camp as a confirmation of it being something david can live up to (you are absolutely right, we really don’t talk abt this episode and it’s narrative weight enough). all of this has been adding onto the way max himself perceives david, parents day, however, lets both of them internalize the sentiment of mutual understanding towards each other together. parents day does this by lampshading max and david parallelism, making this whole episode consist of max seeing his parents in david just as much as david sees himself in max through the whole show and putting them in each others shoes by the end of it. the episode ends with david choosing max as a priority, he is still acting selfishly (once again david is an asshole) but choosing to do so towards max because the situation allows him to understand max the way s1 finale let max understand him. and with the final turning point in their dynamic, max understands that both his ego and need for attention can exist without them being reinforced by an adult treating him like he is an adult too. max was chosen as a priority for the very first time and that alone made him feel of more value than the treatment he initially yearned for would have. above all else parents day makes max see david as someone he can look up to as a person in emotional way, not only in a life or death situations, the shot of david from his perspective in the end making sure that we don’t miss it.

most of this is not me disagreeing with you, on the opposite i think a lot of the arguments you make are nice and are mindful interaction with the media. gold star for enjoying meta analysis to both of us i guess ⭐️. my main problem is, however, the fact that using all of this to basically say ‘maxs parents suck so he has a distain for david because of it’ is a heavy oversimplification that you somehow go against in your initial statement too and that i, personally, just don’t enjoy. this alone does not make your interpretation wrong though, if anything just reinforces your general idea into a more concrete argument rather than a collection of bits and pieces of evidence pointing to it. hope all of this made sense

tldr; man idk no summing up this one as to not take away from the overall statement im making with this. read the post 🫶

[rinadragomir]

Lucie Herondale's lawyer's response or why she's 1) not a bad parabatai 2) not too immature 3) not a "nepotism baby" who gets away with everything🔍 let's analyse

Defender mode activated since Lucie's haters' powers are growing🤺I also noticed you like my analysing posts, so let's get into it! Btw you can check my Matthew/Daisy post, I'm very proud of it☺️💅🏻If you don't wanna change your opinion - there's nothing I can do, it's your choice. But if you just interpreted some things/ character's motivation in a wrong way or you don't understand why this character is the way she is - I'll help you understand!😌✨

So! Today we'll defend my daughter and discuss some statements, that are quite popular here and on Twitter, which include her!🕵️

1) "I can't see her and Daisy being great parabatai, they don't even care about each other that much. And it seems like Lucie needs her more than Daisy needs Lucie."

Before I start my research I must admit that they didn't spend too much time together so it'd make sense if they become parabatai a bit later, so they have time to reveal all their secrets and discuss all they went through. And I believe that what's going to happen since CC announced the short story of their parabatai ceremony and it seems like it'll happen a bit after the end of CHOT😌

Don't you dare! Not after:

"Cordelia cares less than—" HELLO? Cordelia's absolutely terrified to lose her. Terrified. Same with Lulu. Btw @lekawi is the first Daisy/Lucie fan and half of these arguments are hers!!!! Giving credits 💅🏻🙇🏼‍♀️

Lucie's always there for Daisy, every time Daisy needs her, she's there. Except those times when she keeps a secret that she's hurt. But this trilogy is all about how secrets ruin your life😒

They keep secrets from each other and that's what makes it hard for them to become closer. Secrets are the biggest evil of these books but they still have time to fight them! These two loved each other almost their whole lives.

And about Lucie's Beautiful Cordelia which some people consider "unhealthy obsession"🤨 If you read the same books as I, you know that Lucie's writing that book not because "she's too obsessed", but because Cordelia's biggest fear is being alone. She didn't have any friends and even trained alone most of the time. This book gave Daisy that feeling like you're sitting next to your friend and listening to all these funny stories.

2) "She's just so naive and acts so immature, it's annoying. She's like a loud baby"

She's like the first (maybe the 2) person who openly talks with Matthew about his alcoholism, while all his friends prefer to ignore it, which is much easier. She did it kinda dirty, she wasn't too careful with her words, but she said the truth.

She didn't try to lie or hide her true feelings after Jesse found her book. She said what she really felt that moment. Lucie🤝Thomas being those 2 people who actually know how healthy relationship works like

She was ready to kill Jesse when she found out he's being controlled by Belial. She was wise and strong enough to understand that people's lives are more important than her young love.

She was the first person who saw that Matthew actually likes Cordelia👀

She's actually the only person who acknowledged the fact that her parents and friends don't see that Matthew is far from being okay because they don't actually wanna see it.

The only "immature" thing about her is that she doesn't know what goes after the kisses. But if that's your only criteria.... What's actually wrong with you? And what do you have against loud people?😑

3) "She lies to everyone, she does necromancy and then screams "Papa😣!" and her parents are already on their way and it seems like she doesn't know what consequences are. Everyone's suffering and she's just chilling"

I—

"Poor Alastair, he had such a shitty father, he deserves to have the best dad in the world, why does he have to go through all this shit all by himself?😓"

----------------------------------

"That dumb bitch Lucie's so annoying, like why her father is always there for her, trying to help her with everything, to give her the opportunity to live her best life, like???? She's so spoiled and her father just supports her? Ugh that's weird, why would he want her to be happy that's kinda stupid 🫤"

And the funniest thing is that it's said by the same people. I— I don't know how to explain it but: if your parents support you, help you with your problems and try to make your life as easy and happy as possible.... it's actually a good thing!👍

And idk where they found this "if the character doesn't suffer enough - it's not an interesting character" rule. But apparently they did. Listen, characters don't have to suffer but they have to go through struggles. Some characters, especially the main ones, usually suffer more. Some less. The main thing is not "who suffers more" it's not a competition, the main thing is the plot, the adventure, the growth of these characters.

Lucie knows, and she says about it at least twice in the second book☝🏻, that necromancy has a price. She knows about the consequences and she knows that raising Jesse has nothing to do with dark magic. That's why she did what she did. But unfortunately, we know that she'll have to pay the price anyway🙂. She'll face the consequences no matter what, there's still the whole book for her to suffer.

⚠️Light spoilers from the first 4 chapters of Chot, pls skip it if you don't wanna know anything ⚠️

She's even warning Malcolm about the price of necromancy in the chapter 2 or 3. It's not like she's considering it a game or a funny adventure. When Magnus/Will/James arrive and she wants to return to London with Jesse and explain everything to Clave - it's not because she's stupid but because as Magnus said "her heart is in the right place". She's mature enough to consider all the facts and try to be open-minded about things she doesn't clearly understand. But lots of people in Clave.... they're dumb and anything that is more complicated than 2+4 is a danger for them.

⚠️Spoilers ended ⚠️

In conclusion: Lucie's a brave strong girl who lives in a loving healthy family. She knows which things are right and which are wrong. She's not afraid to say what's really on her mind even tho sometimes she says before she thinks. She has a strong sense of justice and a kind soul🌼 (Remember when Malcolm says Grace uses her helplessness so men help her with anything she wants, and Lucie thought that men built such a world where women often have no choice but to ask men for help). She's always there for her friends and is really trying to be "that positive person"🥹She's not really experienced and sometimes she's not sure how to act in certain situations, but she's still so young and has lots of time to learn.

#JUSTICE_FOR_LUCIE #HOME_GIRLS_ARE_NOT_BORING 😡

[hannahmanderr]

DannyMay Day 8 - Electric Core AU

(day 7 is coming, I promise afhdsj)

Words: 1,804 (FFN)

Summary: Vlad wants more than anything to help the child who has fallen to his same fate. Unfortunately for him, his help is the last thing Danny wants. (dialogue prompt borrowed from @danphanwritingprompts)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I want to go home.”

Vlad frowned at the boy huddled into the corner of the couch across from him. “You are home,” he replied matter-of-factly before taking a sip of his tea. 

“No,” Daniel said. The dark bags under his eyes stood out in sharp contrast to his paper-white face. His left eye and cheek convulsed in a tic. “You kidnapped me from my actual home.”

Vlad sighed. He’d been over this with the child already. “I didn’t kidnap you,” he said. “I brought you here to help you, my dear boy. I told you, I’m the only one who can truly help you.” The fact that he continued to ignore this fact was beginning to irk Vlad a little, but it was more hurtful than anything.

Daniel pulled his knees even tighter into his chest as his face twitched again. “I had Sam and Tucker. They would’ve helped me.”

“I certainly believe they would have attempted to help you, but their success in doing so is a completely different matter. Do you think they can even begin to understand the things you’re going through? The being you’ve become?”

“Don’t say that!” Daniel shouted. His eyes flared momentarily with a toxic green glow. Tiny sparks crackled in his disheveled hair. “I’m fine. We were figuring it out just fine until you showed up and kidnapped me!”

Vlad gingerly set his teacup down and inhaled deeply through his nose. It was… difficult to avoid showing the painful impact of the child’s words. It was even more difficult to avoid retaliating with his own shouts. “Please, my boy,” he pleaded, switching tactics. “Look at yourself. You can barely keep yourself corporeal! It’s a miracle you hadn’t blown out your parents’ circuit system by the time I found you!”

Daniel pressed his hands over his ears and shook his head like a toddler throwing a tantrum. “No, no,” he said as he squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s just a side effect, it’ll wear off soon. It’s just a side effect, it’ll wear off soon.” He continued to repeat the sentence over and over again like a mantra, his face continuing to tic irregularly.

Vlad found himself at a bit of a loss. It had been a while since he’d been in such prolonged, close contact with anyone, least of all a teenager. He was admittedly embarrassed that he didn’t quite know how to conduct himself here. A consequence of choosing to lead a life of reclusivity, he supposed, but it was now proving to be a disadvantageous choice.

Then again, what other choice could he have possibly had? After being quarantined, after losing contact with Jack and Maddie, after discovering just what he’d become…

He resisted a shudder. No, he couldn’t let the same thing happen to this poor child.

Silently, he rose from his armchair and moved toward Daniel, choosing to simply phase through the coffee table. The boy still had his hands pressed over his ears and his eyes shut tight; his mouth continued to move in his mantra, but no sound was coming out. Vlad knelt in front of him. He reached out to take Daniel’s hand, but he hesitated and settled for grasping the edge of the couch after thinking better of it.

“Daniel,” he said, then, remembering how he’d first been introduced to the boy, said, “Danny…” Buttercream frosting, this was hard. He hadn’t been in a position where he’d had to comfort someone other than himself in years. Was he keeping his voice gentle enough? Did he seem calm? He certainly didn’t feel calm.

Focus, he told himself. Taking a deep breath, he began again. “Danny, please,” he begged.

Miraculously, the boy heard him. Watery blue eyes opened and bored straight into Vlad’s. The man had to resist the urge to shy away from Daniel’s intense gaze. He could see the unfiltered power simmering behind those eyes, and he found himself wondering exactly what the child was capable of.

“Please,” Daniel whispered in a cracking voice. “Please… I don’t - I just wanna go home. I just want all of this to stop.” His cheek convulsed again as he lowered his gaze. Almost inaudibly, he said, “I don’t even know what I am anymore.”

Vlad watched in empathetic sorrow. He’d been plagued with the same thoughts for years after his accident and forced quarantine. Even now, he occasionally found himself second-guessing his own existence. In comparison, the boy’s accident had only happened a few weeks ago. Nowhere near long enough to come to terms with the whirlwind of emotional chaos and confusion that came with it.

“You are… a wonder,” he began slowly. Before he could stop himself, he continued, “You have come face to face with Death and denied him - a feat that few others throughout history have been able to accomplish. You - you have been reborn from the elements of your death, into something far greater than an average human. You are nothing short of the miracle that has led you here.” 

Vlad’s own words surprised him. Usually he wasn’t one to wax poetic like that. It was this child, though - this unassuming fourteen-year-old boy who never would have caught his eye otherwise. Something about him compelled Vlad, grabbed him by the shoulders and tore at his heartstrings, stirring in him, for the first time in nearly 20 years, the wrenching pain of care for another.

And he was okay with it. More than okay with it. The realization that he’d meant every word he’d said terrified him, but in the same butterfly-inducing terror that possessed a person just before they took the leap of faith.

He was ready to take that leap.

Daniel stared at him, dumbfounded. “A miracle?” he hissed. His eyes burned with green light again, and Vlad caught a vague whiff of sulfur. “You’re calling this nightmare a miracle?”

Vlad faltered. He hadn’t exactly been expecting this response. “Oh, my child, not like that. Please, I -”

“No!” Daniel shouted. The tears evaporated from his eyes in a tiny puff of steam. Sparks began snapping in his hair again. “I am not your child! Don’t you dare call me that!”

He extended his legs abruptly, nearly knocking Vlad from his feet. The man quickly stood, hands raised. “Danie- Danny, please.” He was struggling to maintain his calm demeanor in the face of a boy rapidly losing control of his already unstable abilities. “All I want is to help you!”

“I don’t want your help!”

Perhaps words weren’t the way to placate him, Vlad was beginning to realize. Maybe a physical demonstration would be more effective. He exhaled and concentrated on the buzzing knot of energy right above his sternum. With the precision of two decades worth of practice, he willed the energy forward, into his arms and hands. He was vaguely aware of the crackling electricity rippling across his scalp and down his spine.

Ever so gently, he expanded his energy further. No need to frighten the boy any more than he already was. But he needed to do this. He needed to show him he could help.

Daniel’s eyes flew wide open. “What are you doing?” he demanded, though his voice trembled. Whether it was from fear or anger, Vlad couldn’t tell.

“I’m trying to show you,” the man explained. In one swift move, he allowed his energy to make contact with Daniel’s, but he was nearly overwhelmed by the sheer strength and ferocity of the child’s aura. A quiet voice in the back of his head began to worry that the boy’s power was too much for either of them to handle.

He silenced that voice quickly. He couldn’t give into that, not now.

Instead, he said, “Can’t you feel it? You and I, we’re the same. Our energies are the same.” It was true. Being so close to Daniel’s own fledgling core, feeling the unwilling yet inevitable ballet between their two spirits, it told him as much. His hot, precise electricity found itself in perfect harmony with the boy’s burning cold lightning storm. The resulting potential was intoxicating. Vlad savored it with every passing second.

He needed this. He needed to help the child, to make him understand just how right it was that he was here.

Daniel, sadly, did not have the same reaction. He yelped and tried to scamper as far from Vlad as possible, resulting in him falling through the back of the couch. By the time Vlad rounded the corner of the couch, Daniel was back on his feet, though his form continued to flicker and his face twitched more rapidly. The snapping electricity in his hair fizzled through strands faster and faster, and Vlad caught sight of an angry red lightning pattern painting the underside of the boy’s jaw, down his neck, and below his collar.

“S-stay away from me!” Daniel shouted, continuing to stumble backward. “We’re not - I’m nothing like you!”

The words stung Vlad like a thousand wasps. Losing all remaining composure, he cried, “That’s not true! Please, Dani- Danny, I can help you! I’ve been through this just like you, I can teach you how to control it, but please, you must calm down before you hurt yourself!” And before I lose you, he added silently.

Daniel’s fingers dug into his biceps. His eyes were shut tightly again, but Vlad could still see the remnants of their toxic green glow seeping through the cracks. His facial tic was uncontrollable at this point. “I’m not - I-I can’t…” he gasped in between short, panicked breaths. The smell of sulfuric ozone was pungent at this point.

Daniel fell to his knees. Hastily, Vlad drew his energy back in and dropped to his knees as well. “Daniel! Can you hear me?”

The boy didn’t respond. Instead, he gasped violently and opened his eyes wide, revealing twin pools of green. “M-my… too - too much,” he choked out as his form flickered wildly. 

The moments that followed happened in quick succession. Vlad, operating purely from his panic, reached forward to put his hands on Daniel’s shoulders. In that moment, he felt every hair on his arms and the back of his neck stand upright; the tang of something metallic could be tasted in the air. He recognized the hallmark signs of the impending disaster and, in the next moment, realized he was too late to stop it.

The instant his hands made contact with Daniel, a blinding white bolt of electricity cracked into existence, forming a ring around the boy’s waist. 

The resounding force launched Vlad backwards and into a bookcase. The back of his head slammed into the edge of a shelf, and he crumpled to the ground.

The last thing he saw as he slipped into unconsciousness was lightning dancing across snow white hair and Daniel’s acidic green eyes.

[veg-hotwings]

Hawks, Shigaraki and their abuse

I was thinking about Hawks (what a surprise!) and how much people tend to mischaracterise him and minimise the abuse he went through at the HPSC since he was fucking six years old.

He was literally groomed to be a weapon, grew up alone with no friends, forced to use his quirk in an unnatural way (you can't tell me this picture is not disturbing, that this is not abuse), ripped of his own name and identity, guilt tripped into being ashamed because his father was a villain so much he apologised for it like it was his fault, and probably do some pretty dark shit too.

Plenty of people argue that Twice was his first kill, but I doubt it. He desperetely tried to save Jin because he thought he was good and he admired him for it, implying that Hawks doesn't think the same of himself. After all Lady Nagant was his mentor, and she was a sniper. It's said multiple times in the manga he was raised, among other things, to be her successor, so he should have been able to take down high profile villains etc. Let's not forget that he freaking aimed for All for One's head as soon as he flew on the battlefield. He wasn't trying to block him, he was trying to kill him. Killing is engraved in him.

He says "If corrupting myself is enough to put everyone else at ease, then I will gladly take on this job" while mockingly bowing to the HPSC President, like he is resigned to this life, to his role.

At the same time, he fails to recognise he was abused, because he just doesn't know any other way to live. He hasn't known anything else apart from the HPSC and violent parents back in Fukuoka.

He didn't even dream of becoming a hero (he didn't know they were real in the first place!), the HPSC just took advantage (again, isn't this abuse?!) of him saving some people from a car crash to mould him in the perfect asset, the golden hero to embody everything Stein and Dabi hate: something fake, a facade.

A proof of this is his actual wish: doing some good while enjoying life around the 20-30th placing in the hero ranks.

The HPSC played so much with his mind he thinks he wasn't alone in this when he was, when his "not being alone" was just holding a fucking stuffed toy of another abuser. Isn't this just fucked up?

Psychological abuse IS abuse as much as physical abuse is.

All of this IS abuse, I won't accept other opinions on this matter.

Now, to Shigaraki.

I realized he and Hawks have a lot in common.

Plenty of people loathe Shigaraki. That's ok, he's a villain and of course did some pretty bad shit.

At the same time, they seem to forget that hasn't even been Tomura himself for plenty of chapters now. That's not him, it's All for One.

This doesn't justify his previous actions, but it's still an important thing to bare in mind (here for a deeper analysis).

Most of all, I think I've never read anywhere that he was abused in the same way Hawks was. And of course, since people fail to see Hawks' abuse (and he's a hero), understanding the same happened to a villain is just too hard.

(It applies to Dabi too, 'cause yes, there are still people thinking he just threw a tantrum because "DaDdY diDn'T GiVe Me AtTeNtiOn!!11!1!". That's concerning, honestly, but I'm not going to talk about him now).

Tenko grew up in a household that hated heroes because his father believed Nana abandoned him. He already had health issues, which piled up with the frustration and fear he felt towards his father, who couldn't accept his dream of becoming a hero, of his grandparents ignoring the fact he was beaten for this, and his mother and older sister who failed to protect him.

When he unleashed his quirk for the first time he was terrified and calm at the same time, but it was such a traumatic experience his mind just closed up on itself and made him forget about it (a typical trauma response).

Then, while roaming alone, ignored by everybody while pleading for anybody to help him, he was found by fucking All for One because life is just that fair, who exploited his fear and anger to mould him in the perfect weapon to use against All Might and the hero society.

Do you see the resemblace? He was ripped from his name and groomed by AfO after escaping somehow a violent household the same way Hawks was ripped from his name and groomed by the HPSC after escaping a violent household, just with a different objctive.

Cherry on top, when he finally got the power to destroy everything he loathed, to give his companions what they wanted too, AfO took over his mind. I'll say it again: isn't it just fucked up?!

Tomura is unable to free himself from his grip yet the same way the HPSC teachings are so engraved in Hawks he believed killing can be accepted if it's for a superior cause, that he believes he is responsible for his father's crimes.

I really really hope Horikoshi will grace these two with some justice.

I hope that Hawks will finally realise what his life really was and get some peace and rest, and that Tomura will free himself from AfO's grip and reunite with his friends before or after the end.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[secondsonaym]

The Vessel Project - Fervor [Heket 2]

(read on Ao3 here)

⚠ Warning for written blood/violence.

-------

Me again?

Leshy finished his part and handed it off to Shamura, but after they had taken a look, they gave the book back to me. “You’re not done yet,” they said. “Include what happened on your first day.”

And, yeah, maybe I forgot that, but why couldn’t they just write theirs while they waited? I’m a little busy at the moment! We all are!

Even with Haro’s assistance, restructuring the Old Faith isn’t going to be easy. We essentially have to start from nothing, as the bishops’ scripture had become so bloated with their corrupted values. 

There are going to be people who won’t like this either, and we’ll have to figure out how to deal with them, and it’s just… 

Ever since they put on the Purple Crown, Shamura has been… very particular about things. Like, they were before, don’t get me wrong, but now they’re rather… aggressive about it. 

I hope it’s just the stress of things. After what happened, I’m surprised all of us are still mostly functioning. Well… I say ‘mostly,’ but, Narinder…

My point is, things are hard. The crowns, they’re… Not really what we expected.

Ever since donning the Yellow Crown, I can’t help but feel an emptiness in me. Not just for food, even…

I’ve…

Gotten off-track.

I’ll need to get back to work as soon as possible, so let’s just be done with this, okay?

I’ll tell this part of the story for consistency, but I don’t like thinking back on it for… Several reasons.

I didn’t know back then. And now that I do know… How can I look at him the same again? He… He was…

------------------

It was late when we got back to Lord Phanuel’s temple--though it wasn’t much like any other temple you’d know. A long time ago there were castles around the land, but most of them had fallen into disrepair or were taken apart for their materials. As far as I knew, Lord Phanuel’s temple was the last intact castle for miles.

As for why He used a castle rather than a proper temple, His answer was as succinct as always: “It had been sitting around. I’d rather make use of something already there than waste time making something new.”

I bid Lord Phanuel a good night and made my way to my room, which was in the western portion of the ground floor. 

Pretty much the entire wing was dedicated to the living quarters for the members of the order, but even then, we were still rather cramped, having to share rooms--Not because the order itself was necessarily large, but… It wasn’t just members of Lord Phanuel’s order that lived in the temple. 

Aside from acolytes, the two other main groups permitted to stay were Lord Phanuel’s consorts and His children. Much like Lord Phanuel Himself, they were highly respected, though they would come and go fairly regularly. 

The consorts would only stay for a few weeks at a time at the most, and only a handful ever visited more than once. I may have been young, but I wasn’t dumb. I knew why. Lord Phanuel was more… Sociable, than the other bishops, simply put.

The children, meanwhile, would trickle in steadily, either brought by their other parent, found by priests in the villages, or arriving of their own volition. 

At the time, I didn’t know why, but every now and then there would be one who looked like they hadn’t wanted to come. Like they were afraid of something, or even resigned to it…

But in any case, it all came down to one simple fact: Lord Phanuel had several children present in the temple.

Children of crown bearers were uncommon (if you ignore the outlier that is Lord Phanuel), and called ‘demigods’. It was believed that they inherited a portion of the crown’s power, and had the potential to be very powerful.

Lord Phanuel, in all His nobility, invited His children to stay in the temple, in order to watch their growth should any powers come about, and then train them.

I hadn’t been staying at the temple for very long, but such a practice must have only been started recently, as I had never seen any adult demigods around. There were quite a few in the temple already, but none I had seen were past their teens in age.

All of this to say, when I reached the door to the room I shared with one of them, I was stopped by the voice of another.

“Well, look who’s finally back. It’s Frog Legs!”

My grip on the door handle tightened a bit before I forced a smile onto my face, turning to look at who had spoken. 

“Oh, good evening, Veronica.” I said, keeping my tone light. 

Across the hall, peeking out from the door, was Veronica, a kingfisher and one of Lord Phanuel’s daughters. He had arrived the day before yesterday, and though I hadn’t seen much of him, he was… Actually one of the few people I found it hard to get along with.

But, like all of Lord Phanuel’s children, he required respect, so I did what I do best: Grin and bear it.

“You seem to have forgotten my name again, heh. It’s Heket.” 

“Nah, didn’t forget, just don’t care.” He spat back, leaning against the doorframe. “Where’d dad take you this time?”

“You’re supposed to refer to Him as ‘Lord Phanuel.’” I corrected, ignoring his scowl. “But to answer your question, He took me to the Silk Cradle, to Raziel’s temple. He and the other bishops were holding a meeting there.”

“So boring bishop shit, as always, huh.” He muttered with a roll of his eyes. “Figures.”

“Is there anything you need, Veronica?” I asked. “Because I should really be heading to bed now.”

“Nah. Was just curious about what was so important that dad had to drag you along. Was kinda hoping he’d gone off to bury you in some hole.”

“Heh… Nope, I’m perfectly fine.”

“Unfortunately. Well, g’night, Frog Legs.”

With that, he closed his door, leaving me alone in the hall. 

I took a slow breath, doing my best to relax. I… Didn’t know what Veronica’s deal was. Ever since he had arrived, he had gone after me with mean nicknames and abusive language. He only ever did it when it was just the two of us, which just made me wonder why he did it all the more.

I liked to think I got along with everyone. That everyone enjoyed my company. Even if people were a bit rough around the edges, I would get through to them eventually. But Veronica was the first person where it felt… Different. 

Though I tried to combat his prickly nature with smiles and energy, it didn’t seem to get through to him. Hell, I had spoken to Shamura earlier that night, and their reactions didn’t bother me as much as Veronica’s did, so… Why?

While I was thinking about these things, a metaphorical cloud of gloom floating over me, the door to my room swung open.

“Heket?”

The voice of my roommate, Iris, snapped me out of my state, and I looked at them in surprise.

Iris was another child of Lord Phanuel, a duck of only about eight years of age. They were pretty much my best friend in the whole temple, and I talked to them about everything.

“What are you doing up so late?” I asked.

“Couldn’t sleep. Was worried about you.” They answered, backing up to let me inside. I followed them over the threshold and closed the door after us.

“You really didn’t need to worry.” I assured them, bringing another, more genuine, smile to my face now. “I’m fine.”

“You didn’t look it, when I opened the door.” They mumbled, now walking to their bed. It was a simple wooden cot, though loaded with blankets to the point it looked like it had a nest on top of it. Iris climbed up into it, nestling down in the fabric before looking back to me.

“It was Veronica again, wasn’t it? He’s a jerk.” 

I sighed and made my way to my own bed, a ‘proper’ one with a full frame and headboard. It didn’t have anything aside from basic sheets and a pillow, but that was because I liked it that way--Iris had already been at the temple when I had arrived, and had attempted to return the blankets they had taken to form their nest, but I refused. I never really liked covers, honestly.

I sat down on the edge of the mattress and looked back to Iris, my smile growing a bit tired now.

“Yeah… He doesn’t throw any punches. But either I’ll get used to it, or I’ll get through to him, I’m certain of it.”

“You shouldn’t have to get used to it.” 

“Then that just means I’ll have to try extra hard to win him over.” I laughed, though Iris didn’t smile with me. It was a bit off-putting, considering their usual demeanor was much different. Usually, they were running about the temple and trying to cause trouble for all of the acolytes.

“Anyway,” I said, rubbing at my eyes with a yawn. “I really do want to get to sleep now. Lord Phanuel said my training officially starts tomorrow. Gotta make sure I’m well-rested, you know?”

“Yeah. I get you.” Iris replied quietly, lowering their head into their nest of blankets. “Night, Heket.”

“Night, Iris.”

I laid back in bed, smiling to myself when Iris’ light snores reached my ears after only a few moments. Between Iris, Veronica, and a few other children of Phanuel, it was rather quaint just how… Normal, they seemed. None of them really stood out as particularly special, setting them next to other members of the order. If they didn’t have their status as demigods, they would have just been ordinary kids.

…

Just like me and the other disciples, really.

Despite being tired, I found my thoughts drifting back to the other kids I had seen in Raziel’s temple. Shamura, Kallamar, Leshy, and Narinder…

None of them were really much older or younger than I was, which I found… Odd. In all of the sects, were there really no individuals worthy of our positions that weren’t children? 

I had no intention of refusing my role, of course, but it still struck me as strange. And what Michael had said…

“Children don’t ask questions! Children don’t have doubts!”

Why would I ever doubt Lord Phanuel? He was strong. He was steadfast. Every choice He made was for the benefit of all of Anura, and He asked for little in return. Truly, He was the most humble of the bishops. I trusted Him.

Though I did wonder… Much like Michael had asked… Why hadn’t Lord Phanuel chosen one of His own children for such a role?

He had explained to me some basic information about what would be expected of me, when He had chosen me. As His disciple, I would train under the power of the Yellow Crown, and perhaps even channel its strength. But wouldn’t a demigod be better suited for that? They would already have innate ties to it, after all…

Part of me wished I was a demigod, for that extra layer of connection, in the hopes that it would make the training to come easier. But even despite that, I was confident I would excel in whatever Lord Phanuel expected of me.

… I would, right?

Come to think of it, I was going to be expected to fight and do away with heretics, working as Lord Phanuel’s disciple. But despite my bulky appearance and impressive strength, I had no experience in fighting at all. I didn’t even like to hurt people, honestly.

Was I really a good fit for what was to come? What if I couldn’t handle it? What if I wanted to give up?

“Enough with the overthinking, Heket.” I mumbled out loud to myself, briefly pausing to see if my voice had disturbed Iris--Luckily, it hadn’t. “Lord Phanuel knows what He’s doing. He chose you because He wanted you. Trust in Him.”

My eyes were starting to get heavy, anyway. I needed to stop wasting time thinking about nonsense like that and get to sleep. 

Tomorrow was a big day, and I needed to be ready for it.

-------------------------

Nothing much happened when I woke up the next day, aside from me giving morning greetings to other members of the order as I passed them in the hall on my way to get food. I was a bit preoccupied at the time, anyhow, due to wanting to visit somebody before my training officially began.

Once I had scarfed down my breakfast, I made my way to the center of the temple, where worship was to be held. 

It was a beautiful chamber, covered floor to ceiling in brilliant golden drapery. Carvings on the walls depicted various images reflecting the tenets of Famine, such as the life cycle of a being, and the importance of paying respect to the land around us. 

I could honestly stare at the various decorations for hours, but I had to remind myself that that wasn’t why I was here right now.

People could come and go from the chamber as they pleased, but many liked to do their daily prayer in the morning, as a proper start to their day. It was there, settled on one of the many cushions that were arranged on the floor, that I found her: My grandmother.

Most wouldn’t know we were related by just a simple glance--Mainly because I was a frog, and she was a manatee. But make no mistake, she was a relative of mine. She was my father’s mom, and while I hadn’t received any visible traits from their side of the family, I still loved her very much.

It was nice, having a family member here in the order with me. It made things less scary, really. Did the other disciples have family in their respective orders? I briefly wondered, but brushed aside. 

My grandmother, Eglantine, knelt on a cushion, hands on her knees with her eyes closed as she prayed. I looked at her for a moment before deciding to do my own, kneeling down, clasping my hands and softly mumbling under my breath.

“May Lord Phanuel bless us for this day,

Another day with which we will have full bellies and full hearts.

Everyone a place at the table,

Everyone a welcome presence.

And should a day come where scarcity mounts,

May Lord Phanuel accept our devotion,

And allow us to give to Him as He has given to us.”

When I opened my eyes, I noticed Eglantine looking at me, a warm smile on her face.

“Still haven’t gotten the hang of silent prayer, tadpole?” She asked in an amused tone.

I smiled a bit sheepishly, ducking into my shoulders. I definitely wasn’t great at doing my prayers silently, but it’s not like I was the only one to do it… But I knew my grandmother was just teasing, so I didn’t worry about it.

“Good morning, grandma.” I laughed, leaning over to give her a hug, which she gladly returned. 

“Good morning, Heket. I trust last night didn’t wear you out too much?”

“No. I did get to sleep a bit late, but I don’t feel too tired right now.”

She nodded slowly before rising to her feet, and I followed suit. 

“I still can’t believe my little tadpole is Lord Phanuel’s chosen. Your mother and father sounded so proud when they wrote to me announcing the decision.” 

“How are they? And Rhys and the others?” I couldn’t help but ask at the mention of my parents. They lived off in the farmlands of Anura, and though I wrote to them, it wasn’t as often as Eglantine did.

“They are doing well.” She answered, now, taking my arm and beginning to guide me to the chamber’s door--We were done with our prayer for now, so there was no point in disturbing those who were still there. “The pumpkins are growing faster than expected, and they should have a good harvest when the season rolls around.”

“That’s great.” I said with a nod. “It may be a while before I’m allowed to go visit them…”

“Certainly.” She agreed. “But I’ll be sure to keep them updated on your progress. We all have high hopes for you, dear.”

I smiled as we walked down the hall, in the direction of the temple’s entrance. Lord Phanuel had instructed me to meet Him there once I was done with my morning routine.

“I’m very excited… But also nervous.” I admitted, wringing my hands a little. My thoughts drifted back to the things I had mulled over last night, and my brow furrowed a bit. “Part of me wonders why I was chosen, out of everyone else. Like… Lord Phanuel’s own children are here, wouldn’t they be a better fit?”

Eglantine stopped walking for a moment, her usual calm smile briefly broken by a look of dread… But only for an instant. I blinked, and then she was back to normal, as if nothing had happened. 

“Oh, Heket, dear… While it’s true that the demigods would have a more natural inclination towards the Yellow Crown, the important thing is that Lord Phanuel chose you.” She said slowly, beginning to walk again. “If He believes you to be the best choice, then His word is final. You’ll have plenty of time to strengthen yourself as you stay here in the temple.”

Right. Plenty of time.

I mentally cursed myself for letting my ridiculous doubts slip through and worry my grandmother, then stopped walking when we reached the open front doors of the temple. 

It was summer, so a warm and humid breeze swept past us and down the hall. I liked the hazy feeling Anura had--It was homely. Visiting Silk Cradle, a cold and dry series of crags, made me realize that, because I had never left the region before then.

“Thanks, grandma.” I managed, giving a smile. “Like I said, I’m nervous, so I’m probably just overthinking things.”

“You’ll do just fine, de--”

Before my grandmother could finish speaking, a loud crash sounded from one of the adjacent hallways. A scream echoed seconds later, and I could hear the pitter-patter of rapid footsteps. As Eglantine and I watched, the small form of Iris darted across the hall and down into another, only leaving dark splotches of mud from their footsteps as evidence they had even been there.

Eglantine sighed, though her smile did not waver.

“Seems Iris is up to their usual mischief today. I should go deal with them.” She said, looking back to me. “I wish you luck on your first day, Heket, dear. I love you.”

“Love you too, grandma.” I said, waving as she turned and started off in the direction Iris had run. Once she had rounded the corner, I turned back to the entrance, and stepped outside.

“Good morning.” Lord Phanuel said as I approached Him. He had been waiting on the far side of the temple’s grounds, near the entrance of what I had been told were the training grounds for the warriors of the order. I noticed that He wasn’t wearing His cape, like He usually did, which made the dark stripes along His back all the more noticeable. 

Compared to the other bishops, Lord Phanuel was far more subdued, and modest in terms of His outward expression. This would make Him come off as cold or callous to others who weren’t used to Him, but that certainly wasn’t how He was at all. It was admirable, really.

Beside Him stood a few familiar faces, all of them His children.

Of course, there was Veronica, who regarded me with little more than a squint. Next to him stood Hickory, his roommate. Hickory was a crane, and often visibly nervous about things. They glanced to me, and attempted to blurt out a greeting, but their voice caught in their throat, so they simply gave up and looked away.

Next was Blair, a lovely-colored spoonbill who was often absorbed in his own thoughts. He didn’t even seem to notice my arrival, but I didn’t really expect him to say anything, so it was fine. Finally, there was Cyril, a shoebill who was the oldest of the children in the temple. She looked tired, simply nodding in my direction before looking back to the ground.

“Good morning, everyone!” I said, letting my excitement energize me once more. I gave a respectful bow to Lord Phanuel before glancing to the demigods, ignoring Veronica’s hard look. Now that they all stood next to Him, it was pretty easy to see the relation to Lord Phanuel, I noticed.

Aside from the fact they were all birds, they all sported the same notable stripe of darker feathers Lord Phanuel had, going from the top of their heads to the backs of their necks. Even Iris had this trait, now that I think about it. 

“Now that everyone has gathered, follow me.” Lord Phanuel instructed, stepping to the structure’s door and pushing it open with His wing. He didn’t hold it open for the rest of us, and I noted how heavy it was when I pushed it forward, gesturing for the others to go ahead of me. For Lord Phanuel to push such a door with ease… He must have been quite strong.

Would I get that strong at some point?

We all stepped out onto the training grounds, a large circular enclosure of damp earth and yellowed grass. Along the edges of the walls, various weapons and contraptions I didn’t recognize stood, prompting me to wonder which we would use for our training first.

“Choose a weapon, and stand before me when you’re ready. But don’t dawdle.” He said, gesturing before moving to the center of the field. 

Veronica was the first to move to the weapons, while the others went over after a bit of a pause. I followed them, and soon all five of us were looking over what was available to us.

The weapons had clearly been left sitting out for a while, flecked with dust and dirt from lack of care, but that didn’t exactly strike me as a problem--We were going to be training, so was their quality really the most important thing? Then again, I couldn’t help but notice a distinct lack of protective equipment… No armor or shields, or anything…

“Hah! This’ll do.” Veronica piped up, picking up a sword. It seemed like a standard blade, and he managed to wave it around without much difficulty--or care, really, as a couple of us flinched away when he swung it in our general direction.

He then hurried back to the spot where Lord Phanuel was waiting, and the rest of us continued our perusal. 

After a few more moments of deliberation, Blair picked up a spear that had a copious amount of wrappings around its center, like it had been snapped in half at some point. He merely shrugged before walking after Veronica, not seeing this as much of an issue.

Hickory took a deep breath before also picking up a sword, though one with a much curvier blade than the one Veronica had taken. 

Once Hickory was gone, it was just me and Cyril looking over what remained. Cyril didn’t seem to be in much of a rush, but I didn’t want to be the last one to have to choose, so I grabbed the first thing that caught my eye: A meat cleaver.

Why was this with the weapons? Sure, technically it could do some damage, but it wasn’t exactly made for that. It was for preparing food. I had actually used one a few times before in the kitchen back home, so its weight wasn’t too foreign, at least.

Before I could turn to join the others, I heard something to my left: A sigh.

I looked over, and could see Cyril still gazing over the choices, not looking the least bit happy about any of them.

“Having trouble deciding?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to give a reassuring smile. 

Cyril shook her head, not looking at me. “It’s not that.”

“Then what?” I asked, tilting my head.

Cyril rubbed her arm for a moment, then turned to face me, speaking softly.

“I… Don’t see the point in this. The training. Not for me, at least.” She explained. “Not while I know what’s coming for me.”

Huh? What was she talking about?

I wanted to ask as much, which she seemed to catch onto, as she continued to speak.

“Have you… Not heard of the curse?”

Curse? What curse? How did a curse tie into any of this?

I simply shook my head, expecting her to continue the explanation, which she did after another sigh.

“Well, I guess you wouldn’t, not being one of us. But… There’s a curse on all of Lord Phanuel’s children. None of them will live past the age of 18. He tells us when we turn 15. I’ll be turning 17 soon, so…”

I… 

Wasn’t sure what to say, honestly. 

Wait... Was that why there weren't any adult children of Phanuel's? A curse? That was quite a specific curse, if you asked me... Where had the curse even come from? Had it been set on him by one of the other bishops? Was there any way to break it?

So many questions bubbled in my brain, but before any could make it past my lips--

“I believe I instructed you not to dawdle.” Came Lord Phanuel’s stern tone from His position on the field. Shame flooded my face, and I forgot everything that I wanted to ask Cyril, hefting my knife and beginning to step away from the weapon assortment.

“This’ll do, I suppose.” I heard Cyril say over my shoulder. I glanced back, seeing she had picked up a morningstar, judging its weight before turning to follow me.

“Good, now we are all in order.” Lord Phanuel said, once Cyril and I had joined the rest. “Do not get your hopes up. We will not be engaging in any serious fighting."

“Awww, bummer.” I heard Veronica grumble, but didn’t look to see if he was glancing in my direction. I hoped that was just because of his rough-and-tumble demeanor, rather than his animosity towards me.

“I will personally oversee your combat training for these first few sessions,” Lord Phanuel continued. “It will be important for all of you to know how to fight, not just my disciple. That being said, Heket, I expect you to pay extra attention to what I will impart on you.” He finished, looking at me directly.

I swallowed hard and nodded, the grip on my knife’s handle tightening. There would be no way I would take Lord Phanuel’s guidance for granted. To have Him teach directly was such an honor, given His usual busy day.

Lord Phanuel backed up a few paces, then swept His gaze over all of us.

“First, I will teach you the basics of Fervor. It is very simple magic that almost everyone can use, should they channel it properly--But for those aligned with the crowns, it can be much more powerful.”

With a surprising amount of fluidity, Lord Phanuel’s crown jumped from His head, shifting in a flash of black and yellow, before forming a long pole with a pointed end, the yellow eye staring out at us from the blade--A spear, like the one Blair had grabbed. Lord Phanuel took it in His beak, and looked at us expectantly.

“I may not have the dexterous capabilities of Raziel and Michael, but I consider myself quite capable when it comes to combat.” He said, the weapon not affecting His ability to speak. “Now, listen well, because I do not like repeating myself.

“Fervor is the channeled energy of one’s emotions and will during combat. By simply tapping into this energy, one can cast spells and curses, which can give them an edge. These spells can be as simple as firing off bursts of energy, or more advanced, such as enhancing your weapon’s strength.”

He directed his attention to Veronica, gesturing for him move closer.

“Attack me.”

Though most of us would have hesitated with such an order, Veronica proudly stepped forward, raising his sword. He was certainly excited about doing this, huh?

Veronica darted forward, pointing the blade toward Phanuel’s chest. A brief instinct to jump in and stop him flooded through me, but I forced myself to remain still, trusting Lord Phanuel’s process. 

I was right to do so, as in an instant, Veronica’s blade hit the shaft of Lord Phanuel’s spear with a clang. Veronica pulled away and attempted to strike from another direction, but Lord Phanuel was swift, effortlessly twisting His weapon so it once again parried the blow. 

They went on like this for a few more blows, Veronica not once breaking Lord Phanuel’s defenses. As their weapons clashed, I noticed sparks of red where they connected, but only for brief instances.

“Enough.” Lord Phanuel said, after a few moments. Veronica stepped back and lowered his sword, looking quite worn out but attentive all the same.

“Now, observe.”

Lord Phanuel turned away from us, looking to one of the far ends of the field. In the distance, I could make out what appeared to be a training dummy--Just a bundle of cloth propped up on a pole, really. 

Sparks of yellow light then appeared in the air next to Him, and with a wave of His wing, they shot off towards the dummy. When the sparks collided with it, there was a loud boom, and a cloud of dust immediately kicked up.

As the dust cleared, we could see that all that remained of the dummy was a few scraps of cloth and wood on the ground. 

I was in awe, to be completely honest. With such ease, Lord Phanuel had expressed such power! He was simply amazing!

“It’s highly unlikely you’ll be able to do much more than knock some things around, on your first attempts.” He explained, turning back to us as the crown returned to his head. “But the important step you should master right now is the simple channeling of the Fervor. Do not worry about its strength.”

He pointed to Blair and Veronica, “You two are a pair,” then to Cyril and Hickory, “As are you. Heket, you will be with me.”

Huh? What? Me, of all people?

“We will be facing off against each other and practicing the channeling of Fervor. When you gather it and attempt to use it, aim for a wall, or the ground--Not each other. Also take turns attacking and defending. You do not need to attempt any actual injury to make use of the power.” He finished, looking about the group. 

With that, He gestured for the other pairs to move to their own spots. Once they had gotten a fair distance from the two of us, He once again summoned His weapon, looking at me expectantly.

Okay. You can do this, Heket, I told myself, just gotta remember what He said and make use of it.

I rushed forward, raising the cleaver up and swinging it forward. As I expected, it only connected with His spear, sending an uncomfortable tremor up my arm with the clash. For a man who was relatively sedentary, Lord Phanuel was surprisingly quick. Was this due to His own skill, or was it some benefit of the Yellow Crown?

We faced off like this a few more times, but when I once again struck my knife against His spear, I couldn’t help but feel that something… Wasn’t right. 

Lord Phanuel had talked about the channeling of Fervor, but He hadn’t exactly explained how it would feel. Would I be able to sense it gathering, or something? How could I tell when I’d be able to use it?

To my fear, Lord Phanuel seemed to notice the fact I wasn’t trying to use it. He gestured for me to back off for a moment, standing up and looking down at me over His beak.

“Is something wrong, Heket?” He asked, though His tone didn’t actually hold much concern. It was more like a parent who was wondering why you weren’t doing the chores they had asked of you.

“Um… Well…” I managed, lowering my knife as I looked to the ground. “Am I supposed to… tell? When I can use Fervor?”

Lord Phanuel stared down at me for a moment more, before glancing to the other pairs. Looking over my shoulder, I saw Veronica shoot a projectile no bigger than an apple at the wall, laughing as it fizzled out upon coming into contact with the stone. Blair gave him a bit of congrats before the two returned to their sparring.

Cyril and Hickory were doing much the same, though the projectile Cyril fired off into the ground was much bigger and stronger, hitting the earth and sending up a small cloud of mud into the air.

“There should be a noticeable feeling, yes. Are you saying you can’t sense anything?” Lord Phanuel then asked, looking back to me.

I couldn’t bring myself to look Him in the eye, frowning as shame washed over me. The first lesson, and I was already messing it up. I was already proving my doubts right. 

If I couldn’t manage this basic ability, then why should I still be trusted with my position? Why should I be the chosen disciple?

After a long moment, Lord Phanuel sighed, turning His head away from me. 

“Quite the predicament, then. I did say that not everyone can use Fervor, and with you as the future vessel, it would better for you to be able to than not…”

“Pick somebody else, then.” I blurted, barely believing my own words. “I… I have complete faith in you, My Lord, but… What if I’m not good enough?”

Lord Phanuel stared at me for a long time, blank expression giving no hint as to what was going on in His mind. 

Before He could speak, however--

“CYRIL!”

Everyone’s attention whipped over to where Cyril and Hickory had been sparring, taken aback by the horror of what now lay before them.

Hickory stood over Cyril, eyes wide. In their hands, they clutched the hilt of their weapon…

Which had sunk into Cyril’s side. 

Even if the weapon hadn’t been cared for, it had still been sharp enough to slice through skin. Red was pouring from the wound, staining the blade a sickening crimson.

Everyone else was immediately at the pair’s side, the panicked energy becoming palpable as we all realized what had happened.

“I-I didn’t--I wasn’t p-paying attention, and-and the blade j-just--” Hickory spluttered, tears starting to well in their eyes. They were trembling violently, but their nerves refused to let them let go of their weapon.

Cyril was hunched on the ground, eyes narrowed in pain. She was breathing, but it was apparent that the effort was painful, as she continuously stopped short before exhaling with just as much strain. 

My mind briefly flashed back to what Cyril had told me in our brief discussion. About how Lord Phanuel’s children never live past 18. Was this because of the curse?

“Somebody get the medic.” Lord Phanuel’s broke the tense silence, making us all look to Him with stunned expressions.

“Well? SOMEBODY GET THE DAMN MEDIC!” He then screamed, after none of us moved. His voice made my ears ring, and feel as if the ground was trembling. It was the strongest emotion I had ever seen from Him in my life.

With this, Blair ran off to the entrance, plumage standing on end in his fear.

All I could really do was stand and watch as Lord Phanuel leaned over Cyril, trying to examine her wound. He instructed Hickory to remain still, so as not to jostle the weapon too much, and His anger had quickly been replaced by a concentrated calm.

“Should’ve expected as much, handing us actual weapons like that.” Veronica scoffed, making me look to him. “What was He thinking?”

“Says the person who was pretty eager to wave one around.” I couldn’t help but shoot back under my breath.

“I thought we were gonna smack dummies around, not each other!” He insisted. “And even when dad did His little demonstration, I knew I wasn’t gonna get a hit in.”

Okay… I guess that was fair. But to think this would be the result of our first training session… The same session where I had been unable to do even the first task expected of us.

“This doesn’t bode well.” was all I could mumble.

----------------------

“Oh, thank Lord Phanuel you’re alright.” I breathed.

Cyril had been taken to the medical wing immediately after the incident, where our best healers swiftly set to work on her. From what I had heard, the wound had been deep, but nothing vital had been hit, so with enough rest, she would be just fine.

It was only now, about a week later, that I had managed to convince the nurses to let me visit her.

Frankly, Cyril looked terrible. Her plumage was mussed up, the bandages around her side were just starting to seep a faint red, and she seemed to have gone without sleep ever since she had gotten hurt.

“Hah, I suppose so…” She said with a laugh, though I could tell it was forced. She winced at the pain it caused, as much as she tried to hide it. “If it weren’t for His quick action, I might have been a goner.”

“Claimed by the curse…” I found myself mumbling, which sent a shudder through Cyril.

“Lord Phanuel’s advised me not to do any more combat.” She said after a moment, quickly changing the topic. “Which is fine with me. I was more interested in being a scribe, anyway.”

“He hasn’t held any other lessons yet.” I explained. “The others are still pretty shaken up.”

“How’s Hickory been holding up?” She asked with a frown. “They’re not blaming themself, are they?”

“Well…” I struggled to find any words that would convince her of such. In truth, Hickory had indeed blamed themself for the incident. They hadn’t left their room since, according to Veronica.

Cyril could see through me, however, and she sighed, coughing a little. 

“It was a complete accident.” She insisted. “I wasn’t paying attention, forgot Hickory was the one going on the offensive at that moment, and ended up right in the path of the sword. And even if that hadn’t been the case, I still wouldn’t blame them.”

All I could do was stand there, hands clasped nervously. Though I hadn’t known her long, Cyril had proven herself very quickly to be sweet and caring. Sort of like an older sister--Which made sense, considering she was the oldest child in the temple. 

It reminded me of myself, back at home. Due to tragic circumstances, I had been the only one in my clutch to hatch, and was the oldest of all the kids in my family. My parents had more successful clutches following me, and I always did my part to look after my younger siblings, so I could see where Cyril’s demeanor came from.

Even when she knew her own fate, even when she was injured in bed, she was still considering how her siblings felt…

“Cyril, I… Have a question. About what we talked about on the field.” I said slowly, looking at her to gauge her reaction.

She adopted a guarded expression, but otherwise did not protest, so I continued.

“That curse, are you… Sure it applies to just Lord Phanuel’s children. Like… Are you sure it’s specifically to make sure none of you live past 18?”

“What… Do you mean by that?”

“Well…” I started, realizing there was no going back now. “What if it was just a general curse on Lord Phanuel for things to not go right for him?”

Cyril stared at me, faint confusion on her face as she tried to understand what I was getting at.

“I… I can’t use Fervor.” I admitted.

Every night since the incident, I had gone to the training grounds after dark, along with Veronica. I don’t know why he agreed to help me--The first time he had just followed me after seeing me sneak out, but he offered to help when I explained what I had been doing. We sparred with each other for hours as I desperately attempted to gather Fervor as Lord Phanuel had instructed--Using sticks instead of actual weapons, of course.

“Oh, that’s… Hm…” Cyril mumbled, looking away. “I can’t say I’ve ever heard of that. I… Don’t really know what else to say other than ‘I’m sorry.’”

“I didn’t expect you to.” I said with a wave of my hand, but still sighed. “But… I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed Him.”

“And has He said anything about choosing somebody else as His disciple?” 

“No, but…”

“Then… I wouldn’t beat yourself up about it, Heket.” She said, a bit of firmness in her voice. “I know you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, asking me about the curse, but… If you ask me, nothing is. Some people can’t do what others can. That’s normal. And if Lord Phanuel doesn’t take issue with it, then you shouldn’t, either.”

“It’s hard. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since.” I said, voice growing tight.

“Hey…” She said as she tried to sit up, but winced and decided against it. “I know you want to prove yourself, but you already do that by virtue of your devotion to Lord Phanuel. You can do whatever He expects of you, Fervor or not. Please, Heket… Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

I looked her in the eyes, and was struck by her expression. The way she looked back, I could tell she was genuine, and thought highly of me. It made my heart wrench, distraught at the realization that my own self-doubt was making her worry for me.

“You’re… You’re right, Cyril. I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“I think you’ve wasted enough time fretting about me. I’m in pain, but I’m alive, so you go on out and get back to your day, okay?” She urged, managing a smile.

She was right. I had things to do, even if training was temporarily paused. I hadn’t heard much from Iris since this morning, so perhaps I would go and find out where they had run off to…

“May you know the comfort of having enough of what you need.” I said, in the formal parting of the sect.

“May you know the joy of having enough to give to those who do not have at all.” Cyril replied.

And with that, I turned away, and left the medical ward.

[lilicohirukoma]

Ⅰ. ▕   C R O W N     P R I N C E S S     Z I U L A the daughter of Emperor Kuzco “Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” ― Marcel Proust

Crown Princess Ziula is 17 years old, her birthday is on May 6th. Ziula is a fun loving girl, priortizing her happiness over serious matters. Don’t get it wrong, she understands why they must be done but she rushes to get important things over with and then will throw a pool party in honor of how hard she worked. She is an extroverted girl who needs to feel appreciated in order to keep functioning. Stubborness is one of her main flaws, she just finds it very difficult to admit she was wrong about something and is not known for apologizing, verbally at least. She is a great dancer and used to be on the cheer team but had to quit because she kept doing her own thing instead of following choreography.

Ziula, believe it or not, is the current Student Council President of Pendragon High. She does a good job, especially talented in organizing and planning events. The more serious matters are entrusted to her vice-president, Su Huang. They are best friends which was started by them both being daughters of Emperors and they’ve evolved into a great duo of enthusiasm and professionalism. Their dads have also become friends through their daughters, family day is always a blast with all four of them together!

Her dad is Emperor Kuzco and her mother is Empress Malina, a famous journalist. She has a younger brother named Manu who is 5 years younger than her. Their dad insisted on being active in raising his children, not wanting to hand them over to caretakers like he was. She gets along great with both her parents, her brother is annoying but she does care for him and is a protective big sister. Summer vacations were spent with Pacha and his family, just like he taught Kuzco he made sure she was kind and considered other people’s feelings.

Ziula is on the short side at 5′2 but ignores this when she can, she’d rather parkour around the kitchen than ask anyone for help. She has long black hair and dark brown eyes. She influenced the school into having relaxed uniform rules, as long as you wear something red it’s counted as a uniform. For the students who don’t care much for fashion and/or appearance there is still the standard uniform they wear but not for Ziula! She is always seen in a red dress, sandals and lots of gold and teal jewelry.

Fun facts about Ziula are: she is left handed, she has a huge collection of Llama plushies and she despises physical touch.

The Exciting Adventures of Getting Lost

In hindsight it really wasn't a smart idea, two Crown Princesses who have never walked anywhere without being escorted going into the forest alone. It started when the school suggested a bonding activity for students, a forest hike! The Student Council was excited for this plan, Ziula and Su Huang immediately got to working on it. First, at the urging of Su Huang, they handled the logistics like: How many students? Which teacher will join? When and at what time? Then they got to the route, a map was given to them but the princesses didn't have a lot of experience with reading maps. They made the foolish decision of just quickly going to look through the forest to contextualize the map. ''Here's the entry to the forest, you have the map Su Huang?'' Ziula looked back at her best friend, who was in a gorgeous red hanfu and thus not dressed for the occassion. Ziula wasn't either, in a flowy red dress with sandals, exposing her legs and parts of her feet for all sorts of plants and sticks to poke at her skin. It'd be fine, they'd just take a little look around and they'll be back at school in no time. ''Yes I have it right here'' was said in Su Huang's usual calm tone. Heading their way in they just follow a path, they converse about student council stuff without looking at their surroundings and which way they were headed. After a short while they stopped at a small pond, Su Huang looked down at the map but couldn't place exactly where they were. Ziula felt deja vu coming on, of course she'd get lost in the forest just like her dad; Here's to hoping she wouldn't have to face any crocodiles or jaguars. Su Huang noticed her friends shift in demeanor and spoke up: ''If we stay calm we'll easily find our way back, panic is the cause of most accidents.'' She sounded just like her dad, Ziula thought. ''That's easy for you to say Su, your dad didn't torture you as a kid with the story of how he was lost in the forest, I had nightmares because of it!'' she sighed and started fidgeting with her fingers, ''of course my mom told him off about it but the harm was done.'' Su Huang was sitting on a tree trunk while thoroughly studying the map, biting her lip slightly when she felt her dress getting stuck to yet another tree branch. Ziula was pacing back and forth, mumbling about how her dad was never gonna let her live this down. ''We need to think about food distribution Su!'' holding her backpack she pulled all sorts of sugary sweets that she had no business carrying around. ''May I ask why you are carrying an entire candy store with you?'' Su Huang briefly looked up with a puzzled expression, her best friend evenly splitting it all down perfectly. ''I am always ready for survival! My dad prepared me! He said being hungry was the worst part and I'm not gonna start eating grass yet.'' she exclaimed while starting on a chocolate candy bar, laying on the ground which was uncomfortable with sticks cracking under the pressure. ''Do you think people have noticed our abscence yet?'' she whines from the ground, Su Huang looks down at her with mild amusement. ''I'm sure they have, I think it's best if we stay here.'' Truly, she just didn't feel like dragging her best friend around multiple miles in the forest. What they guessed roughly an hour had passed and no help seemed to arrive. ''That's it!'' Ziula got up, multliple plants and sticks which were stuck on her dramatically fell off. ''We are going to find our own way out!'' she proclaimed, grabbing her friends hand and hastily gathering their stuff. ''I know you're the mastermind of many awful ideas but this one I really doubt'' Su Huang tried to reclaim her hand but it might've well been handcuffed to Ziula. ''I know what I'm doing! I spent my summers with Pacha and his family, I'll figure it out!'' stubbornly she made her way down a randomly chosen path. Not wanting to get seperated Su Huang just accepted her fate and followed her friend. As they walked into the unknown suddenly a familiar voice was heard. ''Ziula hello!'' she turned her head and found one of the school's teachers Kronk standing there. ''Kronk! Help we are lost!'' Ziula blurted out, ''We are? I could've sworn I knew exactly where I was.'' Kronk said confused, looking around. ''Yeah no I'm pretty sure I know this place.'' The girls were relieved, they were covered in dirt and leaves but they were happy to see their trusted teacher. ''What are you doing in the forest sir?'' Su Huang was curious and had this strange feeling their mission was about to be obsolete. ''Well the school board is trying to organize a student bonding activity and I suggested a hike! So now I'm planning the route, would you two like to join the last bit?'' her suspicions were right, they did this all for nothing. Ziula's mouth was agape, staring at the tall man in shock. ''We... we... we DID THIS ALL FOR NOTHING?!'' she had enough and her friend had to hold her back from causing any further damage to herself. Kronk escorted the girls back to the school, which was a sight to see for all the students. The elegant Ziula and the graceful Su Huang looking like they fought bears to survive for months. A picture was snapped and quickly went viral online, it's now popularly used as a reaction image for when someone has gone through it. It reached both of their fathers, the Emperor of China was slightly amused, he thought this was a good lesson for Su Huang to have learned. Emperor Kuzco was less collected about it, laughing so hard he fell out of his throne. Just like Ziula suspected he would never let her live it down, now it's one of his favorite stories to tell people even though he wasn't even there. He exaggerates the story in ridiculous manner, Ziula had to fight a jaguar with her hands tied behind her back and Su Huang had tamed a crocodile and rode on its back to safety! No one of course believes him but it was his way of showing his love for his daughter.

And that’s a wrap folks! I had a lot of fun making more of Ziula and hope you had fun reading. Feel free to send me an ask with any questions about her! Shoutout to everyone who voted on the poll and special shoutout to @vicapuleti​, she always helps me with my characters and helped A LOT with this one

[indexvirus]

Do they actually know what it is... ?

Second part of the project in which we assume if Genshin Characters know about sexual intercourse, love life and eroticism, and if they do, then what.

This was done purely with Teyvat’s culture in mind with little real world inspiration. We tried to be “realistic”, so we’re also a bunch of boring gals and pals here...

Unreleased characters will be updated.

Mondstadt Edition (will be updated soon)

Liyue Edition (Coming soon maybe)

Akademiya Students learn from books written by Rukkhadevata herself. These books teach about sexuality, eroticism and emotional fulfillment in life. These books are a guide to living well and healthily, to the nature of love, to finding a partner and maintaining love life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of life.

Sumeru Desert Folk who do not have access to akademiya teachings, learn of sexual intercourse and finding a partner early on from their parents or other authority figures, such as healers and village teachers. While some of King Deshret’s teachings still exist, it’s rare to come by a person who’s read them.

Sumeru Rainforest Folk who have no access to akademiya teachings, often have connections to people who do. It is not unusual for youngsters to seek out scholars, especially those working in Bimarstan, about these things if they have no family or friends enrolled in the Akademiya. However, sharing information from the Akademiya is hard and during Azar’s time, illegal.

Alhaitham may be a man operated by rationality, which makes him wait for the right partner before attempting at anything as dangerous as sexual intercourse (and the consequences), but he studies what he wants, and that includes eroticism. One would be mistaken to think his virginity makes him ignorant to erogenous zones, pleasure and nature of love. He’ll study his partner like a book...

Candace learned from her mother at an early age. Because of her duties, she’s remained inexperienced and believes in various myths such as what day of week or what positions are best for conception. She’s devoted to learn both household and erotic skills in order to some day have a happy and large family.

Cyno is a young, devout member of the Matra and someone who exercises absolute control over his curiosities, which is why he’s had little chances to experience intimacy. After allowing his body to become a vessel to a spirit, he’s now also devoted to learning Rukkhadevata’s books about the nature of love and eroticism, in order to never let this spirit out of control in those situations.

Collei did not have a parent or a village healer to teach her and she wouldn’t dare to ask about it from Tighnari. When her periods started, she send a letter to Lisa instead and Lisa provided her the material, which Collei has not read yet. Due to her social anxiety and haphephobia, she doesn’t believe she’ll need to learn the birds and the bees yet.

Faruzan’s information comes from books and trusted sources, and although she hasn’t had had the oppurtunity to experience it first hand, she’s proud about the fact that people can trust her and come to her if they need to know if this, and that, is normal. Indeed, as a student or Haravatat, she’s also studied the language of love.

Kaveh is a social, marriagable man with household skills and devotion of both a husband and the wife. He’s skilled in the architecture of eroticisim, romance and pleasure-oriented life, and has had past partners. His debts however keep him single for now...

Layla is way too sleep deprived, stressed out and focused to her studies to be interested in, or remember the importance of, relationships. Although her mother has given her the talk early on, she worries for Layla’s future... The girl is clueless about these things.

Nilou knows plenty enough about the subject. Not only did her parents teach her, she’s had many “sisters” and “mothers” in the grand bazaar who have shared their experiences and tips with her. She views sex as a sacred act meant to improve one’s mental and physical health and bring two people closer together in a “dance of love”.

Tighnari’s people mature quick. They don’t need to be taught sexual interaction as it is innate and part of their most fundamental, natural instincts. It came natural to him on his first time, yet it also became clear that mating for humans is very different from his people. As much as the Akademiya’s books provide knowledge on the matter, he considers it far more important to learn from his chosen partner.

Wanderer (we named him Jun) has no experience nor interest in the action. He has the components for it in his android body, which he thinks as a “ridiculously stupid joke”, because he doesn’t see the need or doesn’t want to be so vulnerable and emotional with someone.

Il Dottore (Zandik) has, according to the comedy, had a partner who cheated on him. Skilled in biology and psychology, knowing basic erogenous zones and importance of touch, positions and patience is natural to him. Yet, partly because of his past experience, and partly because he and the rest of the segments are androids, he has no interest in forming emotionally charged relationships that’d distract his “cognitions”, at the moment.

Azar was kicked in the balls by a goat as a kid, either metaphorically or literally.

[meta-shadowsong]

An Argument With a Particular Word of God Quote

Note: I wrote this essay a while ago--several months ago--and then just kind of sat on it; but the quote it focuses on has been crossing my dash again the last day or so and it popped back into my head and I decided to go ahead and share.

So. There is a George Lucas quote, I believe from the Attack of the Clones commentary. And I have. Extremely Strong Negative Feelings About It.

The quote in question:

“[The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally] and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first years and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.”

Okay. To be clear, my problem here is not with the attachment definition/philosophy that’s being posited here, nor with the description of Anakin’s attitude towards it. The first half of the first sentence, the part that’s bracketed--that’s all completely reasonable/true enough and I don’t have a problem with it.

It’s everything after that.

TL;DR: I think it undermines other key themes and conflicts with certain story/dialogue points in the rest of the saga (meaning episodes I-VI); and I feel like it says some pretty uncomfortable and/or negative things about emotional growth, childhood trauma, Shmi, and the Jedi Order.

Let’s break it down.

First, this only works if you look at the PT trilogy, Anakin’s fall from grace, in a complete vacuum, and ignore the OT and Luke’s journey. Because guess what? Luke was also raised outside the Order, to an even older age than Anakin, and while he struggled in ESB and he did in fact have to learn the hard way, he did learn. (Also, I haven’t rewatched ANH recently, and it doesn’t tend to get referenced much in these discussions, but I think it’s worth nothing that--yes, everything in that movie takes place over like three days and he doesn’t have a lot of time to think/process/start wallowing in his grief; but when you compare the way he handles things there with the way Anakin reacts in similar situations, and he’s already working from a more solid foundation, one that had nothing to do with being raised by the Jedi.)

Second, it’s a…weirdly deterministic take for a series that otherwise places a lot of emphasis on choice. On people choosing to do better (or to not do better). Again, that’s all over the OT, particularly with Luke and Han and again with the second half of Anakin/Vader’s journey. So this particular quote undermines that broader theme/message in a big way.

Third, it completely ignores the fact that this concept, about change being inevitable and you have to be able to move on and let go? Is articulated first and (arguably) most clearly by Shmi. Right there. In the movie just prior to this. That this man also wrote. (“You can’t stop the change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” That entire scene.) The mother whose parenting Lucas is essentially blaming for Anakin’s tendency to codependency/unhealthy obsession in relationships.

I am. Really not okay with Shmi being thrown under the bus like this. And, like, there’s probably a broader cultural whatever about how motherhood is simultaneously idealized and ignored in modern (Western) culture and art, and how that influences the way Shmi is portrayed and used and eventually fridged, let alone how she’s talked about outside the text itself. But like. She did in fact say this. The fact that Anakin didn’t grasp it and internalize it is not her fault.

Which is sort of tangentially related to a sort of…broader issue I have with the worldbuilding, especially when it comes to this idealized philosophy, which is that…yes, of course the Jedi are the Good Guys, and the philosophy they live by is a good one (and also acknowledging its real-world Buddhist roots). I am not in any way disputing either of those points. But the idea that only the Jedi, and only by accessing Jedi training/philosophy/etc. through this pretty narrow set of idealized circumstances, can allow you to be a good person in this specific idealized way/to follow this philosophy of non-attachment and learn how to love without codependency, leaves a really bad taste in my mouth. Especially when you have the same lesson/philosophy/ideal coming from a completely different angle in the same goddamn film. In short, the Jedi aren’t wrong, but they don’t have a monopoly on being right.

Okay. Uh. So those are (that last tangent aside) the writing/structure problems I have with this quote. Namely, it doesn’t entirely line up with the themes and storyline of the six films as a whole, and it doesn’t even mesh with the prior movie in this same trilogy.

But there are other issues here, too.

For one thing, this is…this really doesn’t paint the Jedi or their teachings in a very positive light.

Like…this is basically saying, “of course the Jedi can teach people how to love appropriately and avoid attachment/codependency/obsession/dangerous emotional tangles, that’s What They Do, after all--but only if the student starts as essentially a blank slate and has nothing to unlearn.” That’s…not a good look.

Also, it’s kind of a shitty take on childhood trauma? Yes, it’s hard to learn and grow past these things, but the idea that it’s not possible, aside from the implications about the Jedi Order’s pedagogical abilities, is super discouraging for people who come to this path/philosophy later in life than the Ideal. It implies that emotional growth and healing aren’t really feasible and, again, the only way to be capable of this kind of nonattachment is to start from a blank slate. Which a) I don’t think that’s how people or emotions work; and b) again, a super shitty and discouraging thing to say to anyone who might want to try.

(And before anyone comes at me with ‘there is no try,’ that quote taken at face value has the same issue; but if you look at it in context, it’s about committing to a course of action and knowing what you’re capable of, especially in a fairly simple situation/when faced with a fairly straightforward problem. When you also take into account the later conversation about trying to reach Vader, there’s also an acceptance of the fact that there are other factors that are completely out of Luke’s control here, that all he can do is put his commitment and genuine good faith effort and make the attempt to the best of his abilities, but he can’t simply ‘do’ without the other party meeting him halfway. But that’s another essay for another time.)

Lastly, and this is a much more…it has as much to do with modern fandom discussions as with what Lucas specifically said twenty years ago. But there’s this tendency to use entry into the Jedi Order as analogous to adoption. And that’s not wrong! It’s in fact a pretty good analogy! Even before it got reinforced by certain conversations in the Obi-Wan series! But quotes like this highlight the problem with that analogy, especially when coupled with the age restriction on entry into the Order.

Look. There are a lot of issues with the modern adoption system. I’m not nearly qualified to comment on all of them, beyond acknowledging that Some Shit’s Fucked Up. (Not all of it! But Some.) And one of those issues is that, unless the child in question is a [healthy, white] infant, the chances of them getting adopted are extremely slim. Because there’s this attitude that they won’t really belong, they won’t really be a part of their new family, they won’t really bond/bond properly with their new parents, unless they’re brought in as a blank slate. That the (perceived) greater Difficulties in taking in an older child are Too Much/Not Worth It…that kind of attitude.

And, I mean, I’m not a parent, adoptive or otherwise. I’ve never been fully responsible for raising a child (or for any other human being), and I know that it’s a complicated and difficult decision/task even under the most ideal of circumstances. But the idea that older kids aren’t good enough/don’t count/will never really be the children of their new parents is something I know I’ve seen broken down as a toxic mentality before.

Especially in a culture (fandom) that places such a huge emphasis on found family/family of choice and the bonds that grow from there (aka, the refutation of that idea), why is it that, in certain Jedi-positive circles and when looking at quotes like this one from Lucas, it’s just accepted at face value when it comes to the Jedi Order and their adoption/recruitment practices?

Full disclosure, the age limit is basically The Problem I have with the PT-era Jedi Order’s general practices and the one thing that I genuinely think does at least as much harm as good (or the harm it does is significant enough) and should be re-evaluated when Luke (or Rey, or whoever) rebuilds; I’ve written about this before, but, among other things, this idea tends to become a feedback loop which sets the few exceptions up for failure, which then reinforces the idea that older students will fail, and on and on*; this aside from the issues it presents to the people who aren’t lucky enough to be found in the right age bracket or have the combination of Circumstances working for them that Anakin did to become one of the exceptions; the fact that there are no viable alternatives for training and/or support for said potential latecomers is also a huge part of the problem. Anyway, that’s definitely coloring my views here, especially when we look at the Implications rather than the parts where it’s contradicted by other points in the text itself.

I’m going to sort of wind up here by saying that…after all of that, I don’t think that this quote is entirely wrong, exactly. I’ve written about this before (although maybe not posted it, haha), but I do think that the Order’s habit/background of generally not accepting latecomers, combined with Anakin’s particular background and issues, mean that the Order as it stands in the twilight of the Republic was not necessarily a good fit for him when he was brought to their attention, and that he might have been more stable/successful if he’d been brought in earlier, or if the initial refusal had stood and he’d found a different path for himself.

But boiling that down to, essentially, ‘Anakin Wasn’t Raised Right,’ and in so doing a) ignoring the entire other half of this saga/some of the key themes of this saga as a whole; b) forgetting what Shmi said in the last movie/throwing her under the bus; and c) making everyone involved in this situation look bad…I don’t know, that’s really not the way to do it.

*To avoid yet another long tangent…there is an interesting essay that could be teased out about that one line in the mantra, ‘there is no ignorance; there is knowledge,’ and how it relates to the idea of preconceptions. We see this in this particular discussion, both in a sort of positive light (when someone with no preconceptions approaches the Jedi path/philosophy, there is a strong tendency for them to succeed at it), and in a negative light (the feedback loop re: nontraditional students I mentioned). But it also comes up in other areas--look at how Force Ghosts are handled, for example. How much effort it takes for Qui-Gon to connect with Yoda; how the first assumption is that Yoda is hallucinating. Compare that to Luke, who has absolutely zero preconceptions/prior knowledge about how the Force works and how it relates to death, so that when he starts hearing (and later seeing) Ben, his response is ‘this makes as much sense as anything else I’ve learned in the last week sure let’s go with it.’ And, of course, Yoda that line about how wonderful the mind of a child is, uncluttered by such things. Not to mention the bit I mentioned earlier, about raising the X-wing from the swamp, and how that relates to preconceptions and expectations; also related is one of my favorite Qui-Gon quotes, “Your focus determines your reality.”

Anyway, I just think that’s interesting to contemplate--Jedi are people, after all, and this is a very People problem to have.

[ufvincent]

hello friends ( lets choose to ignore how late this is. punctuality is not one of my strong suits hahehe ) excited to be here & write ! fun facts abt me before we get started: i work fulltime & tend to knock out as soon as im home thus the lack of activity + i luv fe3h but have yet to finish a single playthru ... #badgamerthings. wiki is my best friend 4ever.  here is his portfolio page & read on to find more :^)

cue rambling & hoping it makes some semblance of sense:

second born (but heir) of the duke of vessalius (a state within gleerium), thus holds the title of ‘marquess’ (which is for the first son of a duke, but he inherited at a young age from his older brother after his death)

early childhood has him loved as the family’s baby but has since been forced to adapt to a certain loneliness as per life’s circumstances 

(the turning point being the aforementioned brother’s death @ the hands of a protester, a grief his parents basically never got over, and in turn is the start of his loneliness, worsens after his mother died a few years back)

anger @ the circumstances leads to many bad decisions, inclination towards self ruination, a lack of respect for both himself and the world at large. (violence Is the key)

father has him oblige to using an alternative outlet for his anger, reminds him of the good his mother represented (as a former star champion for his ppl & known for her warrior prowess, which she put on the backburner to build a family but continued supporting in more of a figurehead position)

pledges to follow in her footsteps and become a good soldier, thus begins his post-grad fixation with training

mostly devotes himself to his training simply bc he feels he no longer has any other purpose in life, there is no passion, its his competitive behavior & need to prove himself that enables him to work hard; moves up the ranks until recently, when a form of self sabotage (re: physical brawling) leaves him injured.  knee takes time to recover, and by then his peers have rushed ahead and begun making names for themselves within the ranks. 

re: aforementioned injury; sometimes u can see him limping around, tho he tries to mask any discomfort. while the pain is real as his injury isnt too old, it is also psychogenic (when fixated on how much hes failed, the pain flares up more)

simply existing. accepted he’s a good for nothing, but reluctant to admit he’s miserable.  pretends he can accept anything that comes his way b/c he has lost the energy to care any further. adopts an  ‘it is what it is’ philosophy to hide behind

(but is also moody, like the type to say ‘lol ok’ b/c he thinks theres no point arguing and then approach u again in 2 min like ‘ok but actually. wtf’.) 

currently on a (forced) journey of a self discovery to 1) figure out what he Can Do before 2) hes subjected to his father’s responsibilities evermore as the role of the dutiful son requires of him. currently favors charity work / going into town to see what needs to be done in order to be helpful (also b/c it keeps him out of their home)

tense r/s with father now, as he essentially hasnt been given the time of day since he became his heir & believes hes his fathers biggest disappointment. 

has no will to care for his own life, exists to date b/c he cares more for his baby sister than anything else/his own self

tl;dr he’s waiting to die

idk what else to put here im crossing fingers ive mentioned all i need to!

plot wise! 

honestly open to anything, i feel there’s more room for antagonism generally considering his family’s position but also. he is slated to be a little infuriating. 

specifically open to filling the younger sister slot since that would be fun! overprotective vincent + family trauma. what a fun time 

pseudo siblings are so imp and so fun. found family is beautiful

in a similar vein, ppl that have known him all his life (whether it means a positive or negative r/s)

he went to lotus academy until he was 18, so possibilities for meeting there! 

or someone he met during/closely trained with during the last 4 years before injury, comrades haha... heart_emoji (open possibilities, with re: training = moving around a lot so ability to meet more ppl (& with or w/o the pretense of his title))

or during his random escapades into town where he can typically get away w/o being noticed. he adopts a new name each time - u know him as like.... nick.,....... subin, ...... bobby.

besties keep u sane. vincent will be the exception 2 the rule (befriend him. its fun!)

i am the worst at jotting down plots but genuinely open to anything, lmk if smth comes to mind and we will make it work!

if u got this far. my liege ... i applaud u  (bowing_person_emoji)

[lunarlegend]

some hurt/comfort musings

i’ve been reading a lot of MT!Prompto fics lately. this is mostly because hurt!Prompto fics are the only thing i can stomach anymore, but. well, there’s some logic behind it.

most obvious is that hurt!Ignis or hurt!Gladio content is 100% out of the question for me; i can barely handle imagining either of them even getting so much as a papercut, never mind anything worse. the whole point of h/c for me is that it soothes my anxiety, not causes it, so either of them in the role of “hurt” is an automatic no.

i used to be able to read hurt!Noctis fics, but i had to stop for a couple of reasons. one, i get genuinely depressed over Noct’s death in canon & all the suffering he had to go through, so reading about more of it doesn’t feel nice at all. and two, i learned the hard way that people like to ship him with his canon older brother/parental figure (aka Ignis), which obviously grosses me out to no end, and too many hurt!Noct fics turn shippy, often without warning. so, big no.

that leaves Prompto, who wins because he is not Ignis or Gladio, and also because Promnis (while i don’t actually ship it at all) doesn’t make me want to puke, so if it turns shippy, i can easily ignore it or just deal with it.

i’ve stumbled across a very pleasant (for me) theme though, which is that a lot of hurt!Prompto fics (especially ones that bring those MT elements into it) put a ton of focus on what Prompto would have dealt with had he actually been raised in Niflheim...in other words, a lot of childhood trauma, which is what i also have, which is why he’s so wonderful to project onto as the “hurt” one in a hurt/comfort scenario.

but what i love even more is how Ignis is often portrayed as the caretaker in these sorts of fics, because he tends to go full parent mode and it’s amazing.

i read one recently that's stuck with me (in a good way), because the way Ignis reacts to (former MT) Prompto as he discovers the world is exactly how i wish someone would’ve reacted to me at various points in my life.

Ignis, in this fic, has a way of acknowledging Prompto’s apprehensions & fears without being dismissive or patronizing, and he’ll follow this by immediately guiding Prompto in a different direction and getting him focused on something that’s easier for him to handle. it’s a very practical “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to; let’s try this instead. here, i’ll help you,” approach, which is not only a wonderful display of patience and understanding in general, but also an ideal way (in my opinion) to recognize another person’s struggles without acting superior to them or harming their dignity.

i love and appreciate such characterizations of Ignis, because i feel they fit him in terms of the fact that he literally is a caretaker. Ignis spent most of his life looking after, and helping to raise, Noctis; a large part of his job requires him not only to maintain patience and empathy for his charge, but also the ability to strategize and to remain level-headed in times of crisis, emotional or otherwise.

i believe that Ignis, upon noticing someone becoming triggered or overwhelmed, would react exactly as he does in this fic--by strategizing a way around the situation to the benefit of the person who is having a difficult time, without causing them to feel inferior for something they can’t help. which, tbh, is not only a great way to support someone who is dealing with trauma, but is also a great way to support an autistic person who is having a meltdown/shutdown (and gods, would i have given anything to have had an Ignis, on so many different occasions).

anyway, hurt/comfort fanfiction is literally how i discovered FFXV to begin with, and almost 2 years later, it’s still one of the most significant ways these characters help me and allow me to self-soothe. caretaker!Ignis especially, because gosh, what a perfect mama bird to imprint on.

i’m sorry i like it when you’re hurt, Prompto, but it’s only so i can read about Ignis taking care of you!

[spynorth]

i haven’t watched this show in so long and i was looking for gifsets the other night and some commentary from people in the tags (my god thats a terrifying tag) had me asking hunter a lot of questions because while he hasn’t seen spooks in years either, that eidetic memory helps out a lot when it comes to remembering every absolute fucking detail but anyways, as to the headcanon post this triggered - I’m gonna get rambly because it’s hard for me to organize disjointed thoughts so just hold on, mates ... don’t abandon ship yet.

There seems to be this idea in the lucas north fandom that he has some sort of break/schism as far as believing he actually is lucas instead of john bateman and while I agree with some of that .. it’s not how my brain is wrapping around it. Are we close enough for this yall? let’s hope we’re close enough for this. anyways, obviously the giant TraumaTM from being in russia causes a whole host of shit days and flashbacks and i know people argue that the entire arc of john vs lucas doesn’t make sense and that the writers destroyed his character but you know what .. it makes for some good fucking food when it comes to character complexities. Ignoring russia and going way back to the beginning, i know that obviously 8 years in a prison and like 17 days of torture really fuck up/break a person ... but there was a trauma response in him way before that. Sketching lightly over the details (i don’t wanna set anything from canon rigidly down bc then i’m beholden to it), when he blows up the embassy and then as a result murders lucas north and assumes his identity ... I’m pretty sure thats some TraumaTM right there, my mates. But the thing is - I don’t think you have to have a sort of psychotic break to start believing the lies you tell yourself. And actually, I don’t even have to say think - I can say know.

I am 32 years old and I’m super comfortable with myself now but I spent upwards of 30 years with my parents lying about how i was down to crazy little details. I had different friends, different social circles, different jokes, different things we did that day, different career choices, different college courses, different hobbies, different favorite foods, different books i read and different music i listened to, i didn’t play videogames, yada yada yada... I had an entire completely different life. When we first moved in together, Hunter would be like ‘what the absolute fuck??’ because i would talk to my mom on the phone or they would visit us and I just slid so easily into this role that i was supposed to play. I knew every detail, I could recall memories of things I had told them in junior high and high school to keep the charade alive and it wasn’t until I started CBT after my mental break in 2016 that I realized that I still to this day have things that are a part of me that make me go wait, did that happen? because i was so dedicated to the role, so to speak, To pull it off completely, I had to embrace it. Think of it as like real life roleplay. I got super good at lying and crafting an insane life for my parents to the fact they were literally none the wiser. Their kid was strung out on drugs and alcohol and had said fuck this to his master’s program and I was ‘put together’ every time they saw me, so it was fine. Mentall illness, being gay, being a nerd .. it’s all super frowned upon in our family so i learned to hide it and not be a disappointment.

 You embrace the lies in order to pull it off. You live it. Your memories sometimes become ‘real’ and you have to really work on sifting through them, but you don’t just forget that it’s not true. I was very aware of who I was and what I was doing so my logic is that my lucas north would be too. he doesn’t forget. does he reach a point where he pushes it to the back of his mind and gives himself the biggest lie of all? that everything is ok? that whole don’t think about it and it doesn’t exist approach? yes. and i think the trauma from russia sort of broke into that. which i mean, was i tortured for 17 days? no. but i had my breaking point in 2015 (blows a kiss to hunter) which people can definitely attest to. and i was so overwrought by the idea of living that double life and having to choose/face consequences or face the fact that i wasn’t who my parents thought i was or who they wanted me to be .. I almost pulled a season 9 plot twist as well (ifkyk). but i was stopped and I got help and I hung in there and I finally am me and my parents have been told to suck it .. but my point is - Lucas is not a hapless victim in my opinion and i will never write him as such. He is very aware of what he is doing. He knows deep down he is not lucas north. he is just trying to ignore that part of him that tells him so.

[casspurrjoybell-26]

💖Sweet Revenge💖 - Chapter 12

*Warning Adult Content*

Blake Welling

I had everything planned out in my head... exactly what I was going to say... exactly how I was going to say it but when Aaron opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of pale blue briefs, my train of thought goes straight off the rails.

My eyes drink in miles of milky skin and toned muscle, picking up all the details along the way... smooth shoulders, small, pink nipples, a tapered waist and lightly defined abs, the sharp angle of hips and finally, a generous bulge in the front of his briefs.

I swallow hard and swear.

He swears too and tries to slam the door in my face.

I catch it... barely... and by some miracle convince him to let me in and now I'm standing awkwardly in his small apartment while he quickly throws on some clothes.

"I don't need your concern," he says, facing away while he pulls a shirt over his head.

"I'm perfectly all right and have been for the past ten years, thanks very much. I don't need you barging into my life... into my apartment... for fuck's sake... telling me you're worried about me. Like I said last night, you don't know anything about me."

"I know something," I say, stubbornly refusing to be put off.

He spins to face me, his pale face drained of color, though from what emotion is hard to tell.

"Oh yeah and what version did you hear? Is it the one where I slit my wrists or the one where I tried to drown myself in the lake?"

"N-neither," I stammer, taken aback.

"Well then, what?" he demands.

"A b-bridge," I say.

He stares at me a moment, perfectly still, mouth slightly open.

"Shit."

He walks the two paces to his narrow bed and drops onto it, leaning forward to rest his head in his hands.

I stand for a moment, immobilized by uncertainty, before crossing the small room to sit beside him.

I don't touch him and I keep a few inches between us.

I just want him to know I'm here and I'm listening.

He looks up at me, and his eyes are slightly red, though whether from emotion or a rough night's sleep is hard to tell.

"I don't know what you heard or where you heard it from but I never tried to hurt myself, Blake. I didn't need to. You and your friends hurt me enough."

"They weren't my friends," I protest quickly.

He shoots me a glare.

"That's not what they told me."

"Who was it anyway?" I ask.

"Does it matter? What are you gonna do, track them down ten years after the fact and tell them off, Tarantino style? It's too late for that and I wouldn't want you to anyway."

"I can guess," I say grimly.

"I bet it was Chad Wilson, Brad Smith and Owen Forbes."

"Which one was Owen?" he asks, looking at his hands.

"Tall white kid with acne and creepy-pale eyes."

"Oh, yeah. That was him."

"Those three were the worst. The rest of the team were really sweet guys, believe it or not."

He's silent a moment.

"I do. I knew, even then, you weren't like them. They were hateful and ignorant and Chad at least was seriously repressed. You were just scared."

"I was," I admit.

"My parents are pretty religious and I was afraid they wouldn't love me anymore if they found out I was all about 'Adam and Steve.'"

"Do they know now?"

A little color has come back to his face, tinging the tops of his cheeks slightly pink.

The very fresh memory of him in his underwear intrudes on my mind, and I feel my own face grow warm.

"Yeah," I say, clearing my throat and leaning back on my hands.

"I came out a little while after the . . . after you gave us those chocolates. It just started to eat at my soul... that I'd done something so mean just to protect myself from the truth. I was afraid of people finding out who I was but I was more afraid of who I'd become if I kept doing stuff like that."

"What happened?" he asks, eyes as wide and blue as the sky.

I feel like I could fall into them.

I shrug.

"They weren't thrilled but they were more open-minded than I gave them credit for. They didn't disown me or give me any bullshit about 'lifestyle choices.' In fact, their main concern now is how soon they can meet their adopted grand-kids."

He smiles but it's stained with sadness.

"I'm glad it turned out okay for you," he says.

I'm a little afraid to ask but I do anyway.

"What about you?"

"My Mom wasn't in the picture," he shrugs.

"I think my Dad always suspected but when he found out for certain he kicked me out. Fortunately, my Grandma was a woman ahead of her time and she took me in until I left for college. I think she was the only one... besides my friend, Nina... who believed that I hadn't... that it was an accident."

He stares across the room and I follow the line of his gaze to a little glass display-case on a bookshelf.

Inside is some sort of tattered-looking book.

"Aaron?"

I lay my hand gently on his back and he startles beneath my touch.

When he turns to look at me, it seems like he's looking from a thousand miles away.

"I believe you, okay?" I say.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want. I . . . I'm actually not worried about what happened in the past. I'm worried about you now. You're pushing yourself too hard. Believe me, I recognize the symptoms. You're exhausted and unhappy and if you don't take care of yourself you're gonna make yourself sick. If something's bothering you..."

"It's you, Blake," he snaps.

"You're bothering me."

He stands, moving out of my reach.

"Look, I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you everything... every... fucking.... thing and then I want you to leave me alone."

He holds up his hands when I start to object.

"No... listen. I'm not saying forever. I know you're not the same guy you were ten years ago. Neither am I. We've both grown up and been through some shit and learned a thing or two along the way."

He pauses and bites his lip, adding in a softer voice...

"I like you, too... a lot but I'm asking you to leave me alone while I figure some stuff out. When I do, I'll come to you, okay?"

All I want to do is wrap him in my arms, take away every hurt he's ever felt, kiss him breathless and then fuck him 'til he can't walk.

Instead, I nod.

"Okay but can I buy you breakfast, at least?"

He blinks, clearly surprised I've agreed and then he laughs.

"Sure. You can do that."

[remotepixel]

Hi! Can you write the Avengers with a demon reader? Maybe just a weak and very young demon who is looking for people to sign contracts for their souls

Hii! Thank you for requesting!

While writing this I was honestly just thinking of hazbin hotel, so if I mention 'Hell' I'm talking about that kinda version, not the religiously-accurate one for eternal punitive suffering lol <3

TW: yandere themes

-The Avengers assumed you were a threat the second they heard about a supposed demon running around nyc, asking people for their souls. They’ve dealt with numerous different supernatural beings - aliens, gods, simply superpowered individuals - but this was another level of insanity. I can imagine Steve, the Catholic man he is, just ‘😨’ the second he found out.

-But all that suspense died the second they saw you…a child?

-Obviously, past all the confusion, you’re taken into the Avenger's tower/compound for light questioning. They've got to make sure you’re an actual demon first, just in case they’re kidnapping someone’s kid who decided to dress up early for Halloween. However, when it’s revealed that you really are one, and supposedly have powers, you'd be made to live in the tower with the others - safety and all that (definitely not for the plot).

-Despite being a demon, your age and weakness will be the main factor for their obsession to start. You being young makes it easier for them to justify their overprotectiveness. You need to someone to look after you, teach you, and it only makes sense that they would take up that mantle. Sure, they might not have lessons in parenting (expect Clint) but there isn’t many other superpowered people in the world, and they knew how desperate some people could be to get power. Being young means you’re more likely to ignore any red flags or know the signs of manipulation, and they’re convinced you wouldn’t be able to fight back anyways.

-I don’t think they would actually try and help you with your powers though. Apart from basic self-defence classes, they want to keep you reliant on them for as long as possible. You could likely overpower most of them at full potential, and where would that lead them? Would you forget about them? Ignore their advice and throw yourself into battle like they do? It isn’t worth it.

-If you’re really insistent about it, they may let you mess about a bit. Though, that’s mainly if your powers are unstable/out of control and training is needed. And, again, it would only be enough to keep you safe and remain weaker than them.

-I get the vibe some of them won’t take your title of a demon seriously in general - Steve’s coming to mind first. Like I mentioned, the guy’s religious and, since you probably go against his years-old assumption of a demon, he wouldn’t fully think of you as one, even though it was proved. You’re more of a superpowered, human kid in his eyes.

-Tony would treat it more like an inside joke than a fact. Like, he’d make stupid nicknames about your Hellish bloodline, but he’d ignore any genuine conversations about it. It’s just hard for him to image that you are some ‘fallen, evil angel’….so he doesn’t.

-Natasha wouldn’t be too fussed about it. It’s not that she doesn’t believe you, but your exact species doesn’t matter too much to her - she’ll like you either way. She’ll listen to any fun facts you want to tell her about Hell (assuming you were born and raised there) or demons in general. Clint is in a similar boat. Although he might tease you about it sometimes, Natasha would probably tell him to shush if it went too far and you seemed upset.

-Bruce would be a bit hesitant. Due to how the Hulk affected him (physically and the guilt), I think he may be a bit worried that your ‘evil’ blood would lead to you actually becoming a stereotypical demon later on, even if you try to fight that side of you. But, he’ll likely calm down a bit when he starts getting to know you more, and would lean towards the middle like Natasha and Clint. He’d probably be interested in learning and logging your abilities, both as he’s curious and it’s useful to know if anything goes wrong.

-Thor would be the only genuinely happy one. He’s probably met countless difference species/races on different planets, so you not being human isn’t odd to him - it fact, it just brings you two closer together. If he’s able to, he would probably take you back to the underworld for a day. Of course, he’d forget to tell the others though and lead to an unneeded, frantic search party.

-I wouldn’t put it past at least one of them to sell their soul to you - whether for funzie or they don’t fully believe how bad it could be. Like, if they don’t take you as a demon seriously anyways, they’re not going to take your little contract seriously either.

-I was thinking mostly Tony, due to his habit of speaking before thinking, but Thor would likely do so as well. He’s not necessarily stupid, but Asgard probably has different beliefs, and thus he thinks of your contract as a cultural, non-Midgard thing rather than ‘i’m actually taking your soul’ thing.

-Either way, all of them are planning to stay by your side infinitely, contract or not : )

[somnambulants]

hi!! i was just wondering if i could request more yelena where yelena introduces her gf to natasha and her family and she’s uncharacteristically nervous so nat finds it amusing? thank you :)

a bit of minor surgery

summary: Yelena tries to keep you to herself but her family has other ideas word count: 1.7K notes: so this is a little different to what you asked for but i hope you still like it! for the sake of this, nat, yelena, alexei and melina are just one happy family 

“But if we –"

Natasha holds up a hand and Yelena stops talking. “Do you hear that?”

It’s faint but there’s the sound of someone moving around on her apartment floor. Being the only person who lives on this floor and one of the few in this building is enough for this to raise the hairs on the back of her neck.

Survival for them has always meant constant vigilance.

Both of their heads swivel towards the front door as the footsteps become louder, very clearly approaching her apartment.

Yelena doesn’t have to look to know Natasha is mirroring her, pulling out her gun and scanning every entry-way for possible intruders.

On edge, Yelena presses herself against the door, readying herself until she listens properly and realises the approaching footsteps sound familiar. 

Somehow, she feels herself relax and become even more tense at the same time.

“Stop,” she says as Natasha moves towards the door as well, holding an arm out to stop her. “It’s okay. I know who it is.”

At her words Natasha relaxes, putting her gun away but she watches her face carefully as she does so.

The panic Yelena can feel building inside her must not be as well hidden as she thought because a slow grin spreads across her face as the sound of a gentle knock echoes through Yelena’s apartment.

“Is it..?”

“Yes,” Yelena replies curtly. “And no. You can’t meet them.”

Natasha gives her a wicked look, clicking her teeth together teasingly. “What? Scared I’ll…eat them?”

She snickers as Yelena reaches out and shoves her hard enough to knock the air out of her while also giving her a firm and clear: im going to kill you if you don't listen to me look as she goes to open the door.

Not that it's ever stopped Natasha before.

“Just stay there,” Yelena hisses and then wrenches the door open, finding you behind it with your hand still mid-air, prepared to knock a second time.

“Y/N!”

“Hi,” you say, looking a little startled but smiling at her none the less as you drop your hand.

Beside her and thankfully, just out of your view, Natasha, to her credit, is silent but Yelena can feel her gaze glued to her face and can especially feel the amusement radiating off her in waves.

She grits her teeth, forcing a smile. Your own fades a little as you take her in. “Is this a bad time?”

“No,” Yelena says quickly. Still out of sight, Natasha lets out a huff of laughter just quiet enough that she hopes she’s the only one that hears her.

“Not at all,” she adds, and since the door covers most of her body, it’s safe for her to reach out and pinch Natasha on the arm. Which is what she does. Hard. “Just --give me a second?”

Clearly still puzzled, you nod and Yelena closes the door, giving you a smile that she has a feeling looks more like a grimace.

Next she grabs Natasha by the arm and starts walking her forcibly towards the window. “Out.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow as she pulls them to an abrupt stop, looking at her then looking out the window. “You seriously want me to scale ten stories because you’re an idiot?”

As an answer, Yelena unlocks the latch and lets the window sweep open, giving her a pointed look that says: Yes. Obviously. 

Natasha rolls her eyes but to Yelena’s relief, she slides out the window.

“неудачник,” is all she says in parting before she disappears, dropping down the stairwell and vanishing from sight completely.

The word lingers in the air after her: Loser.

Yelena scowls after her for a second before she rushes back to the door and opens it, letting out a sigh of relief when she sees you’re still there, standing in the same spot.

“Sorry,” she apologises, swinging the door open. “There was just a uh, complication....a spider. I caught it and put it outside. I know you hate them.”

As she speaks, you slowly raise one eyebrow at her. The other quickly follows and it's then that she notices the narrowed look in your eyes.

When you start speaking, your voice is low and scarily calm. “So it has nothing to do with the woman I just made eye contact with as she was climbing down your fire escape?”

Something Yelena is proud to say is that in her life there have been very few times she’s been at a loss for words. 

This however is one of them.

She stares at you, blankly, knowing her panic must be showing on her face by the way your expression progressively becomes darker and darker as seconds pass and she fumbles frantically for something to say.

“I, uh, she is, she, uh –”

“—Natasha Romanoff. Nice to meet you.”

To her credit, Natasha has always been the stealthier of the two of them. Ignoring that fact, Yelena chooses to believe that her being distracted by you is why she doesn’t hear her coming back up the stairwell.

She also chooses to believe that she didn’t visibly jump at the sound of her voice and that the cough Natasha lets out is genuine and not covering up a laugh that says she’s going to mock her mercilessly for this entire thing later.

Of course, Yelena can’t fool herself but she tries anyway.

You look even more unimpressed as Natasha comes to a stop beside her and it clicks in Yelena’s head that you think her and Natasha – her and Natasha. She can’t even finish the thought.

As funny as it is, she doesn’t let herself laugh, knowing instinctively that it’s not a good idea. The flinty look in your eyes just confirms how much of a not good idea that is.

Just because you weren’t raised like her doesn’t mean that you couldn’t pack a punch; something she learned early on in your relationship when she’d accidentally snuck up on you once. She’d had a black eye for weeks after that.

“Natasha is my --” she isn’t sure how to say: ‘this is the woman I was trained to kill people with while we grew up being tortured and experimented on, remember I told you?’ In a way that won’t make you go running for the hills.

As she trails off, Natasha, sensing her panic, jumps in. Yelena knows that internally, she must be laughing hysterically though to her merit, she keeps it to herself. “I’m her… sister. Of sorts.”

You know about her past – all of what she was willing to repeat of it anyway – so comprehension quickly dawns on your face.

“Then why…?”

She watches as Natasha’s mouth twitches, sounding amused as she directly addresses you: “Well... my sister is an idiot. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

Yelena tenses as you give her a once over, raking your eyes over her consideringly, before you turn back to Natasha.  “I may have noticed that. Yes.”

"Hey," Yelena protests, weakly. "That's not fair."

You give her a pointed look and she falls silent. Resigned to her fate, she lets out a sigh.

She can tell from the matching scheming looks brewing in both your own and Natasha’s eyes that this is only going to be the start of her own personal torment.

--

The one thing she really, really hates about her family is that they have this habit of showing up unannounced – you’d think that the whole being assassins and consequently, a little trigger happy as a result would make someone call ahead but no.

Never.

For this reason, it comes as no surprise when there’s the familiar three tap repetitive secret knock knock knock they had all come up with years ago on her front door early the following morning.

Silently, Yelena prays you don’t hear it and stay asleep as she drags herself out of bed and prepares herself for what she’s about to deal with.

Truthfully, she’s a little surprised that they’d had enough tact to wait until morning. She’d half expected them to be knocking her door down the second Natasha relayed last nights events to them. 

Yanking the door open, she comes face-to-face with Alexei and Melina. Taking them both in and cataloguing mentally that they look alive and uninjured, she lets herself glare at both of them.

“Is something wrong?”

They both frown. “No?”

“Okay I’m closing the door then.”

She starts to swing it shut but it’s quickly caught as Alexei shoves a foot in between it and the doorframe, giving her a reproachful look.

“Is your –”

“Yes,” Yelena interrupts, scowling harder than before, if that was even possible. “Now, leave.”

The look on Alexei’s face shifts, now suddenly a little too much on the wrong side of sneaky. “Can we—”

“No.”

“But–"

“I don’t care. You can’t meet them,” she barks, probably too loudly, as she shoves him back out into the hallway. If she has to throw them bodily out of here, she will. It just would likely attract your attention, which is the opposite of what she wants. “They’re asleep.”

“We can wake them,” he suggests, unhelpfully.

Yelena glares at him harder. “No.”

It’s faint but all of a sudden, she can hear the sound of a door squeaking as it opens. Her bedroom door to be more exact. Your voice calling out to her quickly follows.

“Okay,” she says. “I’m closing the door now.”

“Hey, no wait –” Alexei starts to protest. Yelena closes the door firmly in their faces and is working on dead-bolting it just as you appear in her line of sight.

You blink at her blearily, wearing just one of her T-shirts and nothing else. Thank god she hadn’t let them in. “Who was that?”

“Neighbours,” Yelena lies. “Looking for their …cat.”

Still half asleep, you don’t think to question her and she sags against the door in relief as you venture into the kitchen in search of coffee.

To her relief, there are no subsequent persistent knocks or calls through the door and after a second, she can hear the quiet sound of footsteps and Alexei’s grumbling as they retreat.

Natasha is one thing – their parents or pseudo-parents or whatever they are – are another thing entirely. She’d save that one for another day.

Or never, preferably.