#let's just say there's unexpected queerness and unexpected in many ways

[gregorycddie]

watching the d train (2015) and wow what an unexpected turn, this is the strongest "wait this is really happening" moment i've felt since ofmd

[xavieryaa]

The Reddit Blackout, #196, And Being New to Tumblr

okay i've seen a lot of people in the past ~24 hours or so confused by everything going on with Reddit & Tumblr from both sides - people new to tumblr who don't know how to use it, and tumblr users who don't know what's going on with reddit and why many of its users have joined up here i know this isn't really related to my blog but fun fact about me: i was up until recently a very active reddit user and even mod a subreddit, but I've also been on tumblr for about 3 years now on different accounts, so I think I can see pretty well from both sides of this and explain what's going on this post will be split in 2 sections: what happened with reddit (and what #196 means), and a guide for new users

1. What The Hell Is Going On With Reddit?

The thing that's caused all this ruckus is a major change to Reddit's API, which is what Reddit provides to people so they can pull directly from Reddit to make third-party apps or tools.

The change is that Reddit is changing its previously free API to be paid. Which on its own kinda sucks for developers, but it's not unexpected. They need to make money somehow, right?

The problem is that the API pricing is WAY TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE. The developer of the most popular 3rd party Reddit app, Apollo, says it will cost him $20 million a year to continue running the app as normal.

Essentially, this pricing forces almost everything third-party to shut down, which causes 3 major problems:

Third-party apps cannot keep running, which sucks for normal users because Reddit's official app is awful. It's slow, its video player is a thing of nightmares, it doesn't have many useful features third-party developers have made.

It sucks even more for visually impaired users because they can't use the official Reddit app at all. Reddit's official app does not work with iOS's native text-to-speech function. Third party apps, on the other hand, often do. So Reddit is forcing blind users away.

Third-party moderator tools cannot keep running, which sucks for moderators because many rely on these tools to properly moderate their subreddits. And moderators are often necessary, because without them subreddits get banned and hate speech and even CSA can often run rampant.

So you see why this change is bad.

Reddit users were PISSED.

So over the past week and a half or so, they have been working on organizing a site-wide blackout. The majority of the most active subreddits have now gone private. Some are only doing it for 48 hours, others (such as r/196) are doing it indefinitely.

That's why you can't access most of Reddit right now, and that's why many users have come here.

You're probably still wondering, though - what is this #196?

Well, as you may guess, it's connected to that subreddit r/196 I just mentioned. r/196 is a subreddit which only has one rule: every time you visit, you must post before you leave.

That's it, that's the subreddit.

The thing about r/196 that set it apart from most other subreddits - and what lends the subreddit's users perfectly to Tumblr - is that it was dominated by queer and leftist users.

So now they've come here and set up shop in #196 and r/196 so they can continue their merry little shitposting.

There's a ton of lore related to r/196, actually, but this is already a long tumblr post and quite frankly I cannot be bothered to write about it at the moment.

2. I'm Here From Reddit, What Now?

Hello there, random new user. As a double-citizen of Reddit and Tumblr, let me show you around this place.

First off, there are some other people who are better at explaining that I am who have made some really helpful things. Watch this Strange Aeons video as a guide to Tumblr culture and functionality and read this post which directly compares Reddit and Tumblr.

Assuming you've done that, here's some additional advice of my own:

Do you miss sorting subreddits by top of all time/the year/the month? Well, you can do something very similar with tags! If you go to a tag at the top of the screen you can select top, and then at the dropdown that says "all time" you can select different time periods! Even 6 months, which Reddit hasn't ever had.

Tumblr has a lot of cool customization features! Even outside your icon/banner/bio, you can change you blog colors and on desktop you can have an html theme (which has its own thriving community here). That customization is part of what sets Tumblr apart from everywhere else - I think you'll enjoy playing with it.

Notes will probably confuse you at first. Unlike the different numbers for upvotes and comments, notes combines the total number of likes, reblogs, and replies into the same number.

Outside of organizing your own blog, when making your own posts tags are what help other people find your post. Use them! But don't abuse them, because then people will just block you.

There are three ways of people finding your post: if someone follows you, if someone follows the tag(s) assigned to your post, and if someone is just scrolling through the tag(s) assigned to your post (and also the secret 4th way no one uses, which is finding it on the trending page, but even if people did use it no one will find your post initially that way)

tumblr is no longer The Discourse Website. And unlike what Reddit wants you to believe for some reason, it is very much alive still. Most of the people seeking fights have moved to Twitter (though some have also moved back here again). You will not get any brownie points for being a dipshit like you do on some subreddits.

So there, welcome to the hellsite (affectionate), you'll pick up on all the in-jokes eventually, for now just try not to be a nuisance and soon enough this'll be your new internet home.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 山河令/Word of Honor.

Word of Honor is a 2021 adaptation of a novel by priest that tells the story of two beautiful murderers, their three kids, and their collective attempts to ignore the fetchquest madness that has taken over the rest of the jianghu.

Look, you know what Word of Honor is. Doing a rec for this is like doing my rec for Nirvana in Fire -- I am not introducing you to a new concept. Even if you haven't watched it, you've probably osmosed enough through the rest of Tumblr to have an opinion on it. At this point, if you haven't seen Word of Honor, I'm assuming it's for one of two reasons: either you haven't gotten around to it yet, or you haven't been sufficiently moved by what you've seen fandom do with it.

So I'm going to give you five reasons to watch the show, and they're probably not going to be the reasons you've seen already. Not to say that the other reasons are bad, but you've heard them already, right? What I've got for you are five somewhat more unexpected reasons that may just convince the fence-sitters that this nut-flavored morass of toxic relationships is worth your time.

1. No matter how gay you think it is, it's gayer

Okay, sure, you've probably been given the impression that this show is real gay. But I don't know if you know how gay it is. This show is so gay that we still haven't seen many of the other BL-flavored shows filmed around the same time period or since, because Chinese censorship gay-panicked and locked them all away before they could air, because Word of Honor was just too gay.

Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing (L-R above) are in love. The story does not make sense if they're not. There is no story if they're not. Everything else in the show is set dressing to this incredible adventure story of two horrible people who fall for one another.

Oh yeah, did I mention that they're both bad guys? One's a fascist toddler-murderer and the other's a cannibal mob boss. These two deserve one another, in every possible sense of that phrase. In any other property, they'd be the villains -- and even here, they're still kind of the villains! It's just that the heroes are worse.

What's more, their two actors absolutely understood the assignment. They got the memo. They read the book. No one ever had to sit them down midway through shooting and explain their dynamic. They had it from the table read. When given creative freedom, they chose to double down and make the gay shit even gayer.

But the actors weren't the only ones who knew what they were doing! Everybody working on the production was pretty much in full-on Let's Make A BL mode. There are no gay accidents here. It's so gay that it's actually gayer than the version that aired. If you can do a little lip-reading (though beware of spoilers in those links), you can get at the original filmed version, which had a number of lines that were too homo and/or sexual for Chinese television.

No, they don't kiss. They don't have to. This is the TV version of the tweet about, what's gayer, gay sex or whatever these two have going on? The answer is, whatever these two have going on.

It's so gay that they're not the only gays. No, I'm not going to tell you who the other gays are, in part because spoilers. But trust me, they're there. Lesbians too! And a bisexual elderly polycule! And one pair of hets that we love love love, and most other heterosexuals are creepy and gross. And if that's not an accurate representation of how the world looks to queer people, I don't know what to tell you.

2. Go nuts!

You are not prepared for the product placement.

Word of Honor started off having a budget, so they went ahead and started spending that budget in the way you do when you're making a TV show. Unfortunately, circumstances changed, and their budget became much less, which meant they couldn't keep making that TV show unless they got more dollars. But where to get a sponsor for a fairly low-profile wuxia BL property?

Enter our hero: Wolong Nuts.

I have seen actors do bumper ads in costume for products from their various sponsors, and I have seen actors do bumper ads in character for the same. But the feeling of seeing a modern product diegetically hawked mid-scene by ancient fantasy characters is like none other.

Something like 40% of Word of Honor's total budget came from this nut sponsorship. And here the thing: It worked! It sold nuts! Hell, I’d buy them if they were sold anywhere near me; I like nuts in general, and nuts that support the queers in particular.

I'm including this as a selling point because, come on, it's funny as hell. But it's also a good place to warn you that Word of Honor has what we're politely going to call a spotty use of its funds. Some things, like everyone's outfits and the score, are lavish and beautiful. Other things, like some of the sets and a lot of the CG, are janky and sad. Crowd scenes are thirty humans and a bunch of Blender assets. I've never seen so many fake plastic trees together in one place before. There's a lot of visible hairnets. Like, a lot.

The show was originally planned as being 45 episodes long. It wound up being 36 + a tiny epilogue. That's a huge cut! I’ll say to its credit that you mostly can’t feel the seams; the production team did a heroic job killing their darlings (in many senses) while keeping the narrative coherent. If you know about the original vision, though, you can identify pretty quickly where the excised material should have been. Don’t be surprised when the last two episodes in particular smack you like a hit-and-run.

They blew a truly unwise amount of the budget on costumes in general, and Wen Kexing's costumes in particular, and thank goodness. (@canary3d-obsessed has done a noble job of cataloging everyone's wardrobes, and some of the details are just stunning.) See that red outfit he's wearing there, with the elaborate, delicate embroidery? That apparently took two people literal months to hand-sew. It's a terrible use of limited funds, and I am living for it. Even when Wen Kexing looks awful, he looks stunning -- especially when you put him side by side with Zhou Zishu, who is wearing the jianghu equivalent of slutty yoga pants and a thrift-store dollar-bin t-shirt that says IT'S WINE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE.

So if, while you’re watching, you’re ever disappointed by the quality of the production in front of you, just console yourself by thinking: That’s nut money, baby.

3. The ghosts (and everyone else) doing the mosts

This is a show that somehow managed to accumulate a tremendous supporting cast of actual grown-ass adults, then had the wisdom to make them play a wide variety of balls-to-the-wall bonkers roles.

You can't throw a rock in a crowd scene without hitting a dozen actors with resumes as long as their arms, who have been acting since before you were born. Apparently they poached a couple veteran film and stage actors from other contemporaneous productions and had them come over to film bit parts on their days off. If you see a character played by an older actor who's getting more lines and face time than you think their character strictly deserves relative to their importance to the plot, and you're like, hm, I wonder if this older actor has a career that includes roles in several dozen other shows and/or stage productions, the answer is yes.

I've seen the tone of the show described as melodramatic, but I don't think that's quite it -- it's more operatic. People speak to the middle distance and play to the back row. Several actors have the body language and line delivery that makes it seem like they're always about three words away from breaking into song. Several of my favorites are downright camp. It's magnificent.

Statistically, everyone in this show is a bad guy. There are the respectable people who don't mean to be bad guys, but wind up being bad guys anyway because they support bullshit systems. There are the morally grey folk who are willing to become bad guys because they think they'll be the good guys when all is said and done. And there are the bad guys who know they're bad guys and are going to chew every piece of scenery in the vicinity about it, so watch out.

My favorite collection of scene-stealing weirdos is probably the clutch of freaks that make up the ghosts of Ghost Valley. They're not actual ghosts -- this is not a supernatural show. They are instead living people who call themselves ghosts because they've found themselves on the margins of society for one reason or another, and have created their own little society! With hookers! And blackjack! And also a little murder, as a treat!

These ghosts are so extra that they actually have a Top Ten List, where all the ones that have code names and specific costumes hang out. How do you get on the Top Ten List? By killing one or more of the people already on it, of course! I told you these guys are villains! They're not even the only villains! They're not even the only villain organization! It's wall-to-wall bad guys around here! And oh my goodness, the actors are clearly having a ball with it.

When the screenwriter came to adapt Faraway Wanderers (the novel) into Word of Honor, she realized that there weren't a whole lot of ladies in the book -- so she invented/adapted some for the show and made most of them sinister! (In fact, if you watch Legend of Fei -- and you should watch Legend of Fei -- you can see a lot of the inspiration for said ladies.) Some of the female characters in the show were men in the book, while others weren't even in the book at all. They all feel organic, though, and not like someone was trying to get Strong Female Character Points. It's the good representation you get when there's a lot of representation, so nobody has to be The Girl, and all the girls can just be people.

...Alas that another casualty of the budget cuts is that several of the lady characters did not get to live up to their full ass-kicking potential. But that potential is still there! The badassery may be implicit instead of explicit, but you don't doubt that many of these women would eat your heart at the slightest provocation, and you would thank them while they were doing it.

This show is perfect food if you're the kind of viewer liable to get sucked up into the worlds of villains, NPCs, bit parts, optional side characters, and other narratives going on outside the main storyline. Because there's a lot going on outside the main storyline. I mean, that's kind of the running joke of the whole novel, that there's this whole complicated political plot happening, and yet our dudes are over here studiously trying to not know what the hell is going on. Obviously that's harder to preserve in a show, but it's still a key feature of the narrative. Most of the Big Power Play What-Not is always happening a few towns over from where the main party is at any given moment. I know people who've watched the drama several times and still can't explain whatever's happening with all that. That's fine. You roll with it for the sake of everything else.

So! Do you like gazing upon delightful character actors and having imagination adventures about the unexplored workings of a bunch of tantalizingly mysterious and often very sexy weirdos? Great! This will keep you busy for a good long while.

4. The juciest pining in the jianghu

I said I wasn't going to tell you about all the gay shit going on here, and I'm not. What I do want to cover, however, is how much gay shit isn't going on here -- and by that I mean just how much of the show's gay longing is unrequited. If you like it when the boy yearns for the other boy, friend, you will feast well tonight.

You have likely already, through fandom, been alerted to the existence of the biggest gremlin in the land and an understandable number of people's favorite character, immortal grandpa Ye Baiyi. What may not have been conveyed, however, is just how tragically gay this bitch is. The ultra-condensed, scrubbed-for-spoilers version of his backstory is that he was in love with a guy who got injured because of him, so he decided to stay and live on a mountain with that guy and the guy's wife and coparent their son with them, all the while never once telling the guy how he felt.

This is not me with slash goggles on. This is canon. Well, okay, the "in love with" part is only confirmed in the book, but Huang Youming, Ye Baiyi's equally gremlin-like actor, has also clearly done the reading and understands how to break your heart with it. Ugh, it's so good.

Shidifuckers, rejoice! Zhou Zishu has Han Ying, his devoted little dumpling who would -- and does -- do anything for him. Back in Zhou Zishu's regrettable (but very fashionable) fascist days, he had a bunch of little underlings; one of them was Han Ying, who still works for the same evil empire. Problem is, Han Ying isn't evil. He was never loyal to his job; he was always just loyal to Zhou Zishu. It's cute the way Wen Kexing hisses like a cat upon meeting Han Ying and immediately identifying him as a rival for Zhou Zishu's affections. If you like OTPs that occasionally roll in a service-top third, please consider that adorable muffin boy up there.

And speaking of quitting your job, have you ever had the problem where you had to orchestrate your own death to get away from your toxic boss who won't stop sexually harassing you, and that motherfucker still expects you to show up for your shift next weekend? Meet Prince Jin, who has refused to accept Zhou Zishu's resignation letter with extreme prejudice.

Zhou Zishu isn't even the only ex he's mad he drove off! But that's just a namedrop in the show; see my bonus selling point for instructions on how to get into that whole gay-ass story. [insert obligatory "Prince Jin is not Helian Yi" disclaimer here]

...Nope, uh-uh, we're not going to get into what's going on with Scorpy. Suffice it to say, this is one of those cases where the show can't outright call a thing gay (though uhhhh it sure can imply a lot of it!), but it can set up an unspoken Gay Bad Idea as a direct, textual parallel with a canon Straight Bad Idea and be like, see? see? Anyway, daddy's boy there has deliciously terrible taste. This is the one that'll have you screaming crying throwing up etc.

And then there's this handsome jackass, who isn't doing the pining, but is the unfortunately heterosexual object of the often confused and misdirected longings of his friends. About the first thing you know about Rong Xuan is that he died before the series begins, so you only see him in a few flashbacks. The precious few times you do, though, you're treated to scenes of him holding court among his besties (many of whom are the spectacularly cast younger versions of major older male characters) while they all wrestle with varying degrees of homo longing for his cocky dreamboat self. You ever wanted to fuck a straight guy so bad you got both him and his wife killed about it? Because somebody in this drama sure has!

I sense you think I'm making this all up, that I'm just a fujoshi looking at the world through rainbow-colored glasses and telling you about her favorite slash pairings. Friend, I am not. Okay, I am being a little cheeky about the last one, but I swear that everything else I have listed in this selling point is about as textual as the show could make it, if not outright straight (ha ha) from the books.

(I have a whole separate theory about how priest herself is a real-life queer, based on how basically everyone in her works is either queer-coded or a token straight who's on thin ice, but that's a subject for a completely different Tumblr post no one's ever going to read, so save us both the time and imagine I already wrote it.)

I cannot stress to you enough how much this show knew what it was doing with the queer stuff. I love how amazingly toxic so much of it is, too, because one of the big themes of the show is that secrets will destroy you and everyone you love. If you have gay longing in a society that forces you to hide that gay longing, yeah, you're going to be extra-vulnerable to making some shitty decisions because of it! You're either going to suffocate yourself by keeping silent, or you're going to open yourself to intimate partner abuse you can't reveal to anyone else, or you're going to do some murders about it! Or some combination of the three! Either way, it's not good!

Also, tell your partner about your chronic health conditions, whether they be Can't Remember My Past, Would Eat A Guy If I Had The Opportunity, Stuck Some Nails In My Chest And Am Now Dying And Also Can't Get A Boner, or Whoops Took The Nails Out Of My Chest And Still Can't Get A Boner. Oh, and tell your partner if you're about to run off and go confront your dangerous ex. And absolutely tell your partner if you're about to fake your own death. Just ... learn to have conversations with the people who love you, okay? Avoid huge amounts of narrative suffering with this one weird trick!

5. Putting his whole Zhang Zhehussy into it

See, Gong Jun (playing Wen Kexing) is not what I'd call a great actor. This is more of a case where you take a guy, you cast him as a character whose motivation can be summed up as "I want to fuck that man in half," and then you cast opposite him a man that the guy in question clearly actually wants to fuck in half. And you let the magic work.

Zhang Zhehan (playing Zhou Zishu), however, legitimately knocks it entirely out of the park. Whenever the camera's on him, it's hard to take your eyes off him. He holds his own in a sea of veteran actors. He can do comedy and tragedy with equal panache. It's lucky he's such a beautiful crier, because Zhou Zishu cries so much. I have never seen someone more perfectly portray the mood of "in love and absolutely furious about it."

As the story goes, when he auditioned, he actually wanted to play Wen Kexing -- but the director told him, look, while you'd be great at that, I can find another Wen Kexing, but I'm never going to find another Zhou Zishu.

Zhou Zishu is bad man who has done terrible things and resigned himself to suffering to atone for his crimes, and he is so mad to find himself at the end of his life suddenly having a reason to keep living. Zhang Zhehan does a pitch-perfect tsundere right up to the point where he breaks. I'm not going to call it an understated performance, because nothing in this show is understated, but it is often times subtle and always complex, and fuck does he have a good crazy grin.

One of the first things you find out about Zhou Zishu is that he's got just a couple years left to live, over which time all his senses are going to deteriorate. In fact, they've already started going. And as the show goes on, you can watch Zhang Zhehan play it so you can tell when he's missed something he should otherwise have picked up on, reacting to noises and touches a split-second late. It's a testament to what a thoughtful job Zhang Zhehan's doing, keeping track of how much of Zhou Zishu has already slipped away.

There are, if you've read the book, legitimate complaints to be made about the adaptation's interpretation of Zhou Zishu's character, and I get that. But you can't say that Zhang Zhehan isn't pulling off exactly what he means to here. I say this too as someone who loves the novel: I think it works. Given the constraints of Chinese television in particular and cinematic adaptations in general, the show made the right choices when it came to figuring out what were the more filmable, actable options, and Zhang Zhehan plays every one of those choices within an inch of his life.

Also did I mention he's like the most beautiful man to ever exist? Holy crap. You're going to be so mad about what they do to his face for the first several episodes.

Don't worry, it washes off eventually.

caveat: Kind of a bummer!

You may have been warned that this one's got a sad ending. Well ... yes and no. On the "no" side of things, there's a "secret" mini-episode 37 that rolls back one of the major points of tragedy. (It's also clearly the first version that got shot, and then they shuffled around and redubbed some material to make the aired end of episode 36.)

But oh man, not all of them. Plenty of characters we love do not make it to the end. Like ... kind of a shockingly large number. Some are dispatched offscreen, some have tragic onscreen deaths, some are probably dead given the circumstances we last see them in, and a couple aren't dead yet but are almost certainly going to be soon.

(It's also kind of a meta-bummer! I mean, I don't recommend falling down the rabbit hole of what happened with Zhang Zhehan's career after the show aired, but tl;dr, it's not great.)

So yeah, it's not an outright pain simulator, and if you've got the mettle for Nirvana in Fire or Guardian, you should be okay here. But hoo boy, don't just blunder on in expecting a cheerful romp from start to finish, because ... yeah. I said it before: This is a story about a bunch of bad guys. Bad guys don't live long lives, nor do the good people who get tangled up in their shit. Just be prepared!

bonus selling point: black and white husbands

Okay, I will tell you who one of the other pairs of gays is. You'll see the two of them show up near the tail end of the show, and then you'll decide you want to know more about what their whole deal is, and then you'll read Qi Ye, which is a novel entirely about gay pining, and then it'll be all over for you.

Ready to wander this way?

There's a number of ways to watch this one! Viki, Netflix, YouTube, and Amazon Prime all have you covered -- but Viki's the only one that has the epilogue at the ready, so I'd go there if you can.

And I get it, if you're enough of an aging hipster that you don't want to play in the same sandbox everybody else is playing in. Believe me, I understand that impulse on a visceral level. After all, this is not a small fandom -- 7718 works on AO3 (at time of writing) isn't Untamed levels of content, but it's nothing to sneeze at. Maybe you want to leave this one for a little while longer, until the hubbub dies down a bit more and people's attention is redirected by a different gay and shiny thing. That's valid. I get it.

But if you do, I still encourage you to get around to it someday. For all its flaws -- and yeah, it's got flaws -- it's a good, solid story that makes you feel lots of feelings about some fascinating characters in some beautiful costumes, running around being real queer (and okay, occasionally straight) to beautiful music. This, to me, is television.

Fun fact! There is also a Japanese dub, if you feel like taking it at that speed, and the guy who voices Zhou Zishu is the voice of Kaworu from Evangelion, and the guy who voices Wen Kexing is the voice of Victor Nikiforov from Yuri on Ice. See what I mean???

I'm telling you, everybody ships it.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

The fun continues with three currently airing gems, a new show entering the fray, and an animated story so good I am reading a manga to keep up with it. Four of these are on Gaga and one is coming to us via fan sub. Jump on in to the weekly watch, we're having so much fun and not feeling at all overwhelmed by the deluge of amazing content! *chuckles nervously*

Takara's Treasure

I continue to love this quiet little show. This week I desperately wanted someone, anyone, to answer Taishin's earnest questions. He is doing his best to figure this out but no one is helping him! I like that despite wanting him to figure out his feelings for himself, Takara continues to reach out to Taishin to let him know his attention is welcome. This week we also met Emiri, an instant fav who taught Taishin all about stanning. I appreciate that this show joined other recent jbls in making a clear distinction between being a stan and being in love. Real love is not fanaticism, and the former is what Takara seems to want from Taishin--once he's ready.

I Hear the Sunspot

Ugh this show just gets me right in the heart. As I hoped, we got to sit with Taichi this episode as he worked through his confusion and worry about Kohei. It makes sense for Kohei to back off in the wake of his ignored confession, and it also makes sense that Taichi didn't hear him (metaphorically). And even after having it repeated in a way he can't misunderstand, he still doesn't know what to do with it. He just knows he likes Kohei and wants to be around him, and he seems okay with just leaving it at that for now. I loved, too, that we got to spend time with Kohei as he's coping with his worsening condition and get to know his mother, who is a delightful person who loves Taichi just as much as her son does. I'm so glad we are getting to see this story told properly in full in such a great adaptation.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Finally, the truth!!! Ayaka is a menace and Hiroko is fighting for her life. Like hanging out with a niece, my ass! Most of the office misinterpreting Ayaka's behavior as crushing on Yuya instead of Hiroko continues to be hilarious, as are all Hiroko's friends trying to push her to cross the line. I was sad to learn that Risa has her own unrequited love going on; I want all the girls to end this story happily! I did love their conversation about identity, and that the show gave some space for Ayaka to consider whether lesbian is the right label for her. Checking out the lesbian bar together was a great way to test things out, and I was dying at the other girls hitting on Ayaka. Can't wait to see what happens next now that Hiroko has no more denial to cling to.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Shoutout to @isaksbestpillow for picking this show up, because it’s an instant fav! Ishida and Mitsuya are fantastic characters, and man are they GAY. This is a food drama and a story of queer men of different generations seeing something unexpected in each other and forming a surprising bond. I was pleasantly surprised by how immediately the attraction and sexual tension arrived in this story, and I want to know so much more about Mitsuya and why he seems to be holding a desperate sadness alongside all his wisdom about life. Very excited to see these two nourish each other. You can find Sirii’s subs here.

Twilight Out of Focus

I don't watch anime (do not @ me, many have tried), but @bengiyo liked the story for this one enough that he told me I can’t skip it, so I am reading the manga along with the show. And I gotta say, I loved this first story with Mao and Hisashi (this is a multi couple series so not sure how the next one will go). Ben is on vacay so I'm tagging @twig-tea to talk about the episode that aired this week.

[hippolotamus]

Who would I be if I didn't come barreling in with queer feelings??? Inspired by this post from my wife @bidisasterevankinard, this morning's therapy session and a few too many listens to Cleopatra by The Lumineers 😘

late for this, late for that | 7x06 coda | 757 words | G

“Not late. Right on time,” Evan sighs, content and sated, turning in his arms so they’re back-to-chest. It allows him to settle into his newly discovered love of being the little spoon. And Tommy’s new found love of indulging Evan.

“Good to know.” He presses a kiss into Evan’s mussed, disheveled curls, chuckling at the light snores his – boyfriend? Date? Guy he’s seeing? – is already making. 

If he’s being honest, ‘right on time’ is the furthest thing from what he feels. Evan hasn’t said as much, but Tommy suspects he’s started to question things about himself. About his life in general, past interactions, romances, friendships, crushes. Eventually he’ll likely face one of the biggest, if not the biggest, questions. How could I not know? 

As someone who went on a similar journey, he’ll do his best to guide Evan through. He wants to wave the proverbial magic wand to produce easy, matter-of-fact answers and soothe any wounds, but Evan will have to do that part on his own. Eventually it becomes a rewarding experience, making those discoveries, but he knows as well as anyone that it can be a bitch of a road to travel. An often dark pathway loaded with unexpected landmines. Full of monsters that go ‘boo’ at the very worst times, usually just when the dust of the last jumpscare has settled. 

Not for the first time – and likely not for the last – the notion makes Tommy wish they could have met earlier. That he could somehow turn back the clock to meet himself earlier so he could be there for Evan. He’s already put himself through the wringer, in therapy and in his own mental torture chamber, about why he lied for so long about who he is. But, as his therapist reminds him over and over again, these things are never truly done. There are often new layers unveiled, triggered by different circumstances. Sometimes big and loud, sometimes ordinary and everyday. Tommy thinks Evan might be a bit of both. 

Either way, here he is, wondering how his own life might have been different if he hadn’t denied himself for so long. If he could have been brave like Hen and said ‘this is who I am’. Because it’s not as if he didn’t know. Tommy knew exactly who he was, who he is. He’s known since the first time he kissed CJ, his high school football team’s defensive tackle, behind the bleachers after practice one late summer night. God knows he had been questioning for a hell of a lot longer. 

However, he can’t time travel and change things. He can’t give past versions of himself options that didn’t exist. Well, technically they did, but it meant blowing up his entire life and being ostracized. While Hen didn’t have anything to lose, because she was already being isolated by that era of the 118, Tommy did. 

He had what he thought were friends, though, really, most of them were alliances. People he accepted as friends for the high cost of burying his identity. Paid for with girlfriends and the occasional male sex worker when he really needed to let go. With living an empty, lonely, fraudulent existence, constantly saying no to the things and experiences he craved. Because saying yes - to ‘just one’ gay club, one pride event, one secret boyfriend willing to be called girlfriend for appearances - meant risking being found out. Meant taking a wrecking ball to the carefully curated macho persona he’d built for protection. Meant having all of his ‘meaningful’ supports and relationships ripped away. It was bad enough that his own parents couldn’t be there for him. He didn’t need the camaraderie of firefighting taken away, too. 

Evan snorts and snuffles, pulling Tommy back to the present. He turns in his sleep, somehow burrowing closer as he throws an arm across Tommy’s waist. His mouth is slack and parted, breathing calm and even. 

A wave of fondness washes over Tommy as he watches his… Evan sleep, blissfully unaware of all the things tumbling around in his brain. It’s an emotion he hasn’t felt in a while, not like this, but he’s grateful for how naturally it seems to want to return. 

Maybe they couldn’t meet earlier or change their histories, save themselves or each other from pain. But they’re here now with their combined battle scars, ready for something, whatever that looks like. And isn’t that better than never? So, perhaps what Evan said was true. Maybe he’s not too late and they’re right on time. 

part 2 (Eddie's POV) here

[letters-to-lgbt-kids]

My dear lgbt+ kids,

Online dating can be a wonderful thing. Many people use dating apps or social media to look for love, and have honest and good intentions. Especially for a queer person, the internet can be a convenient way to meet someone - or even the only way to do so. But it is important to be aware that it's easy to fake good intentions online. So, let's talk about romance scams.

"Romance scam" describes a situation in which someone creates a fake online profile and pretends to be romantically interested in someone to trick them (into giving them money or into revealing personal information they can use in malicious ways). Everyone can become a victim of a romance scam but vulnerable groups can be a "easy target". Some scammers specifically target queer people as they are aware we may have a harder time meeting people offline.

Here are some red flags you should look out for. Not all of these will ring true for every romance scam, just one is enough to be cautious:

Someone falls for you very quickly

This can actually be a red flag for a scammer or for an abusive person. Obviously, people can fall hard and fast for someone. I have certainly done so before! But a real person (who is not out to manipulate you and isn't emotionally immature) will still want to get to know you before getting into a relationship with you. They will want to make sure that you are a real person with good intentions as well, they will wait until they are sure you two truly get along well and can trust each other before they commit to anything.

Please be careful if someone tries to get into a committed relationship or makes heavy promises (you are their one true love, they trust you blindly, they want to move to your country/city to be closer to you, they will love you forever etc.) very quickly. They may try to move so fast because they hope it (metaphorically) makes you dizzy and blind to their red flags.

They are in a bad situation and you are the only one who can save them

This often ties in with the fast pace I mentioned above: they quickly tell you dark secrets. They are a victim of some unlucky circumstances that are out of their control and you are the only one they trust enough to talk to about it. You are special, you are the only one they feel safe with, you are the only one who knows how to comfort them... This, again, may be them trying to quickly establish an intimate level of trust to blind you to red flags.

They dodge attempts of verifying their identity

They promise a video call or a date in person... but then keep postponing it (for various reasons that are out of their control). These stories are often elaborate and emotional, they make you pity them.

If you point out that their refusal is suspicious, they may make you feel guilty or convince you you are just being paranoid.

They ask you for money

Oftentimes, they say they need the money to see you in person (either for travel expenses or to fix an unexpected emergency that prevents them from seeing you). But they may also promise to send you a gift and then there is suddenly an unexpected customs fee that the receiver (you) needs to pay. Or they have a medical emergency and need help paying the hospital fee. Or they have debt and need help to pay it off to start a new life with you... There are a lot of possible stories and scammers are skilled at making them sound believable!

Regardless of how convincing (or heartbreaking) the story may be, and even if they promise to pay you back: If someone you never met in person asks you for money (or gift cards or info that could be used to access your banking account), there is always something wrong. Of course real people can also have financial emergencies but a trustworthy person isn't going to ask someone they never met for money! Even if they are not a scammer, this would be a red flag that they are, at the very least, an irresponsible person.

They are a celebrity or millionaire (and you are not)

Most scammers pretend to be your everyday Joe, so don't think someone can't be fake just because they don't lead a glamorous life - but there are also celebrity romance scams. Yes, the fantasy of a celebrity falling in love with a fan is enticing - but it is an immediate red flag if a celebrity messages you out of the blue and shows romantic interest in you! The chance of that actually happening is basically zero (think of it this way: even if your favorite star saw your profile in their Instagram comments and thought you were cute, they could put themselves in a bad situation, PR-wise, by actually messaging you. They won't risk that). Keep in mind that pictures of and info on celebrities are widely available, so it's easy for some random person to pretend to be them and take advantage of your pre-existing parasocial relationship with them.

With all my love,

Your Tumblr Dad

[naranjapetrificada]

This is going to be long so the short version is this:

I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.

My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.

So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.

When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.

There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."

The grief.

The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).

It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.

Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.

But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?

Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.

And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.

And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?

And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.

Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.

I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.

[gaggedthemabit]

Ya'll the fandom is fighting naurr (Ranking Gate)

Some of you may or may not know this, but I am a frequenter of the Drag Race Fandom Wiki. Today was the craziest day by far I've seen on the wiki, and tbh, I'm kinda living for it.

Now Presenting: Ranking Gate, a story in 7 acts

Act 1: THAT'S MY OPINION!!

It all starts when fandom account Millionare Mitchell posted part one of their ranking of the 100 worst looks on Drag Race, things were going "fine" until they reached 80-71...

Act 2: It's a piece of fabric.

The story starts to really heat up when. So they posted looks 80-71, one of the look's just so happen's to be Jackie's flag look from season 12. When asked to explain their reasoning, Mitchell had this to say "... Jackie's look is just a piece of fabric thrown around her body." (Screenshot included below.)

For those who are unaware Jackie is wearing a hijab in this look, which is a symbol of modesty seen mostly in Islamic culture. This was the spark that started the gas fire of the fandom. But while Mitchell's comments about Jackie's look could be seen as off color and strange, it was her comment's about Detox and Sapphira that lit the fire and let it burn.

Act 3: White Twink Behavior

This is when shit hit the fan. Apparently after their scare with the Jackie comments, Mitchell learned nothing. When they posted looks 70-61, all hell broke loose when Detox's all stars finale dress and Sapphira's finale dress were placed right on top of each other. Clearly, the fans were not pleased by this ranking, leading to even more chaos.

Many were convinced Mitchell was a troll, including myself. While nothing too crazy happened for about an hour, then all hell broke loose when Mitchell dropped this comment

Act 4: Panini Press

This was the stick of dynamite thrown into the gas fire. The one comment that sent this small fire into a shot heard around the fandom. Mitchell decided to ping all the people who had disagreed with them. All the people who called them out. As you could imagine, things went over really well for Mitchell, absolutely nobody was mad at all.

Also, quick reading comprehension check. Do you remember Clayton from the screenshots? Well you better.

Act 5: Taylor Alison Swift.

Now, throughout this whole drama, Mitchell had a lot to say about the fact Clayton has a Taylor Swift profile picture. well, lets just say they picked the wrong swifty to shit on.

Clayton knew they needed help, an alibi to come to their rescue, a getaway car they could jump into. The fandom-wide questioning of Mitchell's taste level had turned into a 1v1 dog fight between them and Clayton. It seemed like Mitchell was getting tired of the fighting. Some will say they were playing the victim card, some will say it was true exhaustion, however it wasn't until a user by the name of Queer Clown stepped in with receipts.

Now the 1v1 between Mitchell and Clayton was heating up and questions were arising. Was Mitchell being fake, or do they have the memory of a goldfish after a lobotomy? Was Clayton defending themselves, or were they just a clout hungry troll themselves? All we know is the clash seemed to take an unexpected twist.

Act 6: The Bystander Effect

As it seemed like the tension was heating up, an unexpected figure emerged. Clayton's call for help had been answered, but not in the way they expected.

It seems like StarWarsFanGirl's message was a wakeup call for Toby. They immediately backed down from the battle and offered a peace treaty. The fire department had arrived and put out the gas fire. It seems like StarWarsFanGirl has had some experience in handling conflicts of this sort.

It seemed like there was peace in all the fandom after this comment, however one last warning was issued to prevent this incident from ever happening again.

Act 7: Excuse Your Mouth

A well known mod on the fandom posted a warning, telling all members of the dangers of this incident ever happening again: https://rupaulsdragrace.fandom.com/f/p/4400000000000195072

It seems as if the drama and chaos has subsided. The fire has been put out. The chapter has closed. If I see any updates about this, I'll make sure to update it.

[lenalvthor]

tethered playlist breakdown - ch 2: all too well

this chapter’s music centres mainly around Imogen and Ashton! because i didn’t say anything about Ashton’s musical backstory in the ch 1 breakdown, let’s start with them 🎸🤘🏼: 

Ashton

like Laudna, Ashton had a musical career as a teenager with his band The Nobodies (vibe: 2000s/2010s pop punk/punk rock, see - Five Minutes to Midnight by BOYS LIKE GIRLS or Check Yes Juliet (Run Baby Run) by We The Kings). also similar to Laudna, Ashton found themselves chewed up and spat back out by the industry they’d found a home in and were burned badly when the hamster wheel of international tours and year-after-year back-to-back albums slowed down for the first time (aka 1D vibes of burn out, band break-up + hiatuses). 

their first foray into making music again was through a single, Floating in the Night (by Judah & the Lion) which they had originally written as a more pop punk song, but Bertrand directed them towards The Crown Keepers who Ashton collaborated with to rewrite it into more of a indie/folk rock song, and who ended up featuring when the single was released. Ashton signed with Eshteross Records soon afterwards and started rebranding as a solo artist making more folk rock style music as the years passed (again, taking suggestions for what songs could be the right vibe for an album during this period). 

post 2-year-Bell’s Hells-separation-period, Ashton’s music has mellowed from the thing that’s remained so distinctive about him - the angry rock elements - which is why he is so nervous about his new music. that tone lingers a little in the lyrics and sometimes the instrumentation, but it’s not as consistent, so in the fic’s present-day, Ashton’s vibe most closely resembles Noah Kahan. 

the album Ashton’s been working on over these 2 years, and that he shows Bell’s Hells in this chapter, is:

how it is / how it was / how it has to be 

the view between villages

homesick 

growing sideways

no complaints

stick season

paul revere

call your mom

halloween 

dial drunk

new perspective

orange juice

you’re gonna go far

all my love

now listen to these songs through a different lens for me, will ya? — 

in this au, Ashton’s first real home was music; it was the industry, it was the fans, it was The Nobodies, it was discovering a queer world beyond the place they grew up. but at the same time, just like what happened with Laudna, that same home started to dig its claws in and try to tear Ashton apart without them realising. the industry, the expectations, the lifestyle, the spotlight … it became something so dangerously toxic, threatening to swallow him whole. it was the reason Ashton developed chronic pain, the industry pressure was the reason The Nobodies didn't stay together, it was the reason Ashton became angry and cynical and bitter jaded. so there was an unexpected, devastating relief when The Nobodies broke up and Ashton had an excuse to step away. even though it was his home, it was where he found himself, where he first found the thing in the world he loved to do most, where he found his first real people. 

so one of the reasons Ashton stayed away from music for as long as they did afterwards - older than many of the other Hells, just a little, having started in the industry before they did and waiting longer than Laudna between the teenage career ending and the adult career starting - was because they couldn’t figure out what to do with the conflict of the ‘place’ (the world / the lifestyle / the people / the culture) that made him also being the thing that caused him so much pain. 

how it is / how it was / how it has to be is, in some ways, Ashton’s life and career mapped in its trajectory. from meeting FCG first and toeing the line of being tied to that world, taking the long drive back (the view between villages, homesick) and being reluctantly pulled back into making music (growing sideways, no complaints), eventually signing to Eshteross Records and telling stories again (stick season, paul revere) and everything that’s happened with the Hells plot-wise (some things you know, some things you don’t, i.e. rest of the tracklist) until now (all my love).  

now, the song Laudna and Imogen mention that Laudna collaborated with Ashton on is, probably predictably: Call Your Mom ft Lizzy McAlpine. (Ashton writes it after Laudna gets back from her world tour to all the other Hells gone - Imogen especially - and Laudna and Dusk break up, and Laudna is just not doing well. Ashton first releases the original, and later that same month, a version with Laudna on it too.) also, as already mentioned in ch 2, the song Ashton wrote for + shows Imogen is you’re gonna go far because of course it is. 

Imogen

here it is, here it is, the heart of the fic, its namesake (almost all Taylor Swift songs (different albums tho!) and if you aren’t heels dug in the dirt with only listening to rerecordings, OG versions sound the most like Imogen to me) — 

tethered

breathe 

come back…be here

the story of us 

haunted 

all too well

wouldn’t come back [by Trousdale]

enchanted 

long live 

now buckle up buttercups, we’re looking at these songs through a whole new light. forget romance (mostly),  we’re doing family trauma: 

(okay, admittedly, there is romance woven into all of this because it can’t not be. but that’s not at the heart of this album, is what’s important to note.)

breathe is about Laudna, of course - about their rela—friendship falling apart after their fight two years ago, and as Laudna started dating Dusk before Imogen left. But it’s also about how Imogen saw the crumbling of Liliana and Relvin’s relationship from a young, co-dependent, whirlwind marriage to something neither of them were sure how to hold onto. 

come back…be here again, of course, is a little bit about Laudna (love how I said forget romance and here we are) — about her leaving to go on tour and follow the success of a career that’s finally controlled by her and not Delilah, about Imogen’s feelings of being left behind. but it’s also about Relvin and Imogen, being left behind by Liliana, about the faint memory Imogen has of watching her father pine for her mother as Liliana was off touring and making something of herself, Imogen and Relvin each longing for her to come back to them in Gelvaan one day but not knowing how to articulate that to each other and connect over it. 

the story of us is Relvin and Liliana once their relationship had ended and Liliana still came to see Imogen, and things were tense and uncomfortable and Imogen could tell that a chapter in her life had come to a close in front of her eyes (both for her parents and for her relationship with her mother, knowing it’ll never be the same because Liliana won’t want to come back in the same way.) 

haunted. look. I had many ‘oh my fucking god’ moments about this song. It’s my favourite Taylor song and I’ve used it for many an au, and l i s t e n. I know that for its symbolism and its imagery, could and should be about Laudna. but it’s not — this is about Liliana and Imogen. because the electric guitar and the tension and the building, growing crescendos of the whole song, the sharpness of the violins and the fury of the electric guitars all just fucking sounds to me like a storm. It’s about Imogen’s betrayal over Liliana leaving. so, you’re welcome. 

now here’s the one that fucked me the most and I am begging y’all to appreciate it with me okay — all too well. OG and not the 10-minute version. it’s the song Imogen is the most proud of and the most afraid of putting into the world because she doesn’t know if it makes sense to anybody except her. the perspective changes nearly with every line; it’s the song that blurs together the experience of Relvin, Liliana and Imogen all loving and hating and missing and losing each other. the lines between where one person’s experience ends and another’s starts is impossible to see, and the resounding message of i was there, i remember it, all too well is Imogen determined to make sure that despite Liliana’s death years and years ago, despite Relvin as good as pretending she never existed, despite Imogen having moved away and left it all behind her, none of it is forgotten; a memory of the fact that it all happened has to continue to exist. 

(and of course, that’s also the theme of this chapter.) 

It’s a mixture of Liliana’s perspective of the whirlwind, small town, young love between her and Relvin that was always doomed to end, and Imogen watching the tail end of this relationship, Relvin seeming to lock it away the second Liliana was too far for him to hold onto. it’s Imogen trying to remember, to make sense of her parents’ relationship, their family. 

and because this song is my roman empire for this au, please prepare for the fact that i’m giving you the line by line perspectives of this entire song, you’re welcome (i’m sorry): 

the first verse is about Liliana, the second verse is Relvin, the prechorus - “and I know it’s long gone…” - is both of them and Imogen. 

first chorus is Liliana and so is the verse that follows, but the second prechorus, that “there was nothing else I could do, and I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to” is Relvin. 

the first lines of the next chorus - “there we are again in the middle of the night, we’re dancing in the kitchen in the refrigerator light” - are Relvin and Liliana, but then the “down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well” is Imogen, as a little girl perched on the second to last step of the staircase, watching her parents dancing to the songs they used to love when they were teenagers, bathed in the light of the refrigerator with the door hanging open to cut through the sweltering, thick, night heat of Gelvaan’s summers (and in those moments, Imogen had been so sure that the three of them would be okay).

but of course, that’s not how it unfolded, which becomes clear in that build up to the bridge. so when it climbs and climbs to the “maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much, maybe this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up” is Relvin and Imogen, being left by Liliana, feeling hurt and betrayed and not good enough in such different but also achingly similar ways. 

“running scared, I was there, I remember it, all too well” is Imogen and Liliana, a decade apart, running from Gelvaan, from Relvin, from a town that wasn’t enough and desperate to find more but equally terrified for that murky unknown at the same time. 

and then — “you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest” is Imogen. the experience of Liliana slowly but surely drifting away from being Imogen’s mother in a way that felt like such a betrayal. 

everything after this is all of them, everything from “time won’t fly” to the “it was rare, i was there” is all of them, losing each other at the same time and not being a ble to do anything as it happens. 

then those last three lines: “wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all” is Liliana to Relvin; “down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all” is Relvin to Imogen; and “it was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well” is Imogen (to both of them, but to herself more than anyone else). 

anyway. moving on. 

wouldn’t come back is about the uncomfortable ease with which Imogen understands Liliana’s choices and decisions, when it comes down to it. because she left too, just like Liliana, and then she did it again years later, from people she really did truly love and a life she cherished, and this song is Imogen writing about those choices and those parallels and understanding both the hurt on the side of being left behind and the desperation of needing to leave. 

enchanted is about Laudna. every note, every line, every second, every piece of the story, is all all all Laudna, because I was lying to you about forgetting romance because c’mon. about first meeting Laudna years ago and thinking that she should, by all accounts, be intimidated seeing someone who’s music she’d listened to for years, who’s a household name in a way Imogen has only ever dreamed of being, in a way Liliana was, but Laudna was so shy and flighty back then, so soft and holy shit, she was - is - beautiful, her voice even more … musical than Imogen had heard in the interviews and clips. so that’s enchanted. 

and long live is, of course, about Bell’s Hells. about how they made each other better,  about how they saved each other at points when they were so afraid of what the world had in store for them, about how they made each other the most authentic versions of themselves, and how, as Imogen wrote this album, she was so isolated from all of them by her own making, how all she had was the memories of how that used to be, but that’ll still be worth everything to her. 

so that’s tethered. 

(oh as a little treat: the song Laudna is working on that afternoon while she and Imogen hang out in the apartment is Apple Pie by Lizzy McAlpine xo) 

I’ll wrap it up there so that this doesn’t become as long as the chapter itself, but: hope this gives you some music to listen to and a world to think about in the two week wait before next CR ep! 

give me music recs for this au if you think of any, tell me what you think of the songs I’ve already told you about, and for the sake of ease: here’s a playlist for y’all (will update it every week with new songs as I add them to the plot in the fic). 

love, chim ⚡️

[fannibalcascade]

Ummmm I don't know what to ask honestly, u do realise that Will loves Hannibal right ??

Him leaving Hannibal would destroy a queer canon ship no director or showrunner will do that ? Plus Will sailed to Europe in search of Hannibal.

It's challenging to predict the decisions of directors or showrunners as storytelling often involves unexpected twists. While the impact on a queer canon ship is a valid concern, character development and unpredictable plot directions play a crucial role.

Breaking up two characters doesn't necessarily equate to a negative ending. Sometimes, it allows for individual growth, new story arcs, or the exploration of different relationships.

Will takes the spotlight as the main character in the show, and many fans lean towards supporting him because of this central role. Bryan Fuller, the creator, deliberately avoided romanticizing the toxic relationship between Will and Hannibal. In various interviews, Fuller emphasized the unhealthy dynamics between them. This creative choice opens the door for Will to potentially find a happier resolution, highlighting a commitment to his character's development.

I have said this before, I will say it again: I do not hate Hannibal. In fact, I am in love with his character more than Will's. So, in a way, I want a happy ending for both, but I don't feel that would happen if they are together

As for the sail part let me just quote what @bonearenaofmyskull said long ago :-

"Being on a boat on the sea is the one place that makes him feel safest and most secure, in association with memories of “simpler times with dad.” He just came through one of the most traumatizing, unsafe, completely NOT simple times of his life. Getting on that boat wasn’t something he did for Hannibal, it was something he did for himself"

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 7, Part 3

Carson is an eavesdropping twerp. No, wait. Reece speaks too loud. I'm sorry, I'm getting conflicting reports. Either way Reece let his boyfriend sleep over and Carson let their parents know.

In this part Reece faces his parents who have an unexpected response to his new relationship (it's not homophobia guys, his parents are both pan). The family have a lazy Sunday before inviting their grown up kids and their partners over for a BBQ.

Samir: How much trouble have I gotten you in

Reece: It really shouldn't be much. I mean my parents are the definition of open minded

Samir: I wasn't invited

Reece: I invited you to stay. I count

Samir: You do. But you're 16

Reece: Which is the age of consent in a lot of places

Reece: It's not like you let me do anything anyway

Harvey: Hello again Samir

Samir: Hello Mr Foster

Reece: Dad I-

Harvey: Sit down Reece

Reece: Where's mum

Harvey: Sorting your brother out

Reece: He had to have been eavesdropping to hear anything

Harvey: Let’s not worry about his behaviour now

Harvey: Ignoring for now what may or may not have been happening in your room, his being able to hear is an issue, he's only 11

Samir: I-

Reece: So I can't talk in my own room-

Harvey: If you'll let me finish

Reece: Sorry dad

Harvey: We need to redo the top floor layout to fix this issue

Reece: Wait, what?

Harvey: It'll get remodeled. We're basically going to rearrange everything to hopefully decrease how much noise carries

Samir: Why

Reece: Because he's on my side, aren't you dad

Harvey: It's not about sides. It's about being able to live together while maintaining boundaries

Harvey: Watcher knows I don't want him hearing me and your mum either. He's a kid

Kayleigh: But you're not

Reece: So, I need to make better decisions

Kayleigh: You need to make safe decisions

Reece: Hold on, you're going to give me a woohoo talk? In front of my boyfriend?

Samir: *nervous laughter*

Kayleigh: Did your school teach you about queer woohoo

Reece: Well... no

Kayleigh: Then yes we are having this talk

Harvey: Since you seem to be considering it. Remember, I've slept with my share of men

Reece: Kill me now

Samir: Your parents care

Reece: Do you or are you just wanting to control me

Harvey: What you do with your body is your business. We just want you to be safe without unwelcome surprises or consequences

The group discuss safe woohoo, and while Reece is desperate for the couch to swallow him up, Samir seems glad for the chance to ask questions and to make a good impression.

Reece: Please tell me that hasn't put you off the idea of woohooing me forever

Samir: All in good time. It was good to have some knowledge that didn't come from the internet

Reece: Internet information exists

Samir: Believe me, I know

Reece: I'm just going to need you to say you still like me

Samir: *chuckles* I like you very much

Reece: And you want to woohoo me

Samir: Blondie-

Reece: Because I want to

Samir: You say many places have 16 as the age of consent

Reece: Yes

Samir: Many don't

Reece: Spoilsport

Samir: We can still have fun with our clothes on

Reece: Does that include shirts

Samir: Sometimes. You know how I keep my words short

Reece: I have noticed

Samir: I have plenty of things I want to whisper to you, so be a good boy, and maybe you'll hear them

Reece: That sounds better

Samir: I have to go, mum will be wanting to do birthday things

Reece: I can do birthday things

Samir: You'll have to tell me about them another time

Reece: Bye sexypants

Samir: What?

Reece: Just trying out my own nicknames

Samir: *chuckles* You're lucky I- *sighs* I'll see you soon

Reece watches Samir go. He doesn't know what Samir wants to do with his life but he's glad it can include him

Harvey: We didn't overstep did we

Kayleigh: Samir didn't seem to think so

Harvey: At least one of them listened

Kayleigh: I've never seen Reece take up so little space

Harvey: I know

Kayleigh: You know, upstairs is finished now

Harvey: It is

Kayleigh: Want to go check it out, test drive the set up

Harvey: Where are the kids

Kayleigh: Carson is still out beachcombing and Reece is napping

Harvey: I guess there's only one way to make sure the soundproofing worked

Of course clumsy Harvey trips over his own feet while heading upstairs. Nevertheless the couple are glad of the opportunity for time alone.

The rest of discovery day passes in a blur. One tradition is to travel so we went to the main island for some swinging, snorkelling and beach combing. Apparently there was a festival on because they unlocked attendance milestones, all I know is there were lots of sims sunbathing and castle building

Back home and Reece needs another nap, I guess he spent too much of the night cuddling and not enough time sleeping. Harvey takes some time to go fish, no new species today. The sun begins to set and we invite the other Foster kids and their partners over for a BBQ. I am in love with the lighting.

Harvey starts on the grilling while everyone catches up

Carson: She's so tiny

Charlie: She'll get bigger, right Clover

Clover: *barks*

Reece: Thank the watcher Allie is still alive

Allie: *barks happily*

Reece: Who's a good girl huh

Charlie: I mean I'm alive as well

Reece: But you're not fluffy

Reece: Do you still recognise me, I'm a bit bigger now

Marta: She used to live with you

Keira: With all of us, but she was always Charlie's

...

Kayleigh: You have to stay there forever?

Charlie: I don't have to, I want to. Me and Kaori are a pair and if that means staying in the snow, so be it

Kaori: Is it done yet

Harvey: Do they not teach patience in Mt Komorebi. The char has to be just right to caramelise

Keira: I think you're just right

Marta: Very smooth

Keira: How's this for smooth

A kiss at sunset, romantic Marta approves.

Harvey: It's ready! Come and get it everyone

Obligatory group photo for the walls. Left to right... Back row: Kayleigh Foster, Charlie Nishidake (eldest), Harvey Foster, Carson Foster, Reece Foster. Middle row: Kaori Nishidake, Clover Nishidake (camoflague queen), Allie Nishidake. Front row: Keira Foster, Marta Romero.

The family have fun catching up but again Reece needs a nap. The family stay together for a few more hours then the women have to head home. Kayleigh decides to begin a series of Sulani portraits. She has a good start, the one she begun before dinner is masterpiece level. Time to begin another.

I thought about inviting Samir over to spend the night with Reece, but decided nah. There's been so much Reece and Samir, people will wonder if the rest of the family actually exists. THEN this man invited himself over at 12:30am, standing at the front door, so how could I not invite him in?

Reece: Hey shoulders

Samir: Another nickname

Reece: Yeah that doesn't work, I'm gonna keep trying and find one eventually

Samir: Good boys do keep trying

Reece: It's late, I thought you had birthday stuff

Samir: I kept my other commitments, that just leaves you

Reece: Want to come inside then

Samir: Ladder

Reece: This way guarantees no one will hear us

Samir: Parents

Reece: Painting and fishing out there somewhere

Samir: Brother

Reece: Asleep on the other side of the house

Samir: Double bed

Reece: I got an upgrade. Can I hear some of the whisper things now, please

Samir: Manners, indeed

Previous Part ... Next Part

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi!! Could you maybe talk about dressing visibly queer and how to get the confidence to go out on public that way?? I'm moving out of my transphobic parents house in January and I want to be visibly queer because that's who I am on the inside.

im glad you'll be getting out of that atmosphere! im glad to hear it, and i hope things go well in your move and transition!

it depends on what it means to you, it can mean a lot of things =) i am a system and a lot of my alters present different ways, so we have a lot of different ways of presenting our queerness. some of us like to go out in drag, masculine or feminine. some of us like to wear hyper masculine clothing and hyper feminine clothing together at once (big rugged jackets, carpenter's jeans, cargo pants, etc. paired with dresses, skirts, crop tops, tube tops, blouses, etc.). sometimes we try to look completely androgynous!

makeup is fun when you don't use it to hide imperfections. foundation is nice for drag, or hiding a five o clock shadow or stubble, but don't worry about using it to hide much else. use makeup to add fun effects, glitter, eyeliner, eyeshadow, that kind of stuff, you can even contour your face to look or masculine or feminine. heavy dark makeup on the lower eye and lighter makeup or none on the upper eye will produce a more masculine look

don't be afraid to fuck up your hair. that's all i'm gonna say. hair grows back absurdly quickly. use this to your advantage. so many people are scared of "chopping all their hair off "or alternatively the awkward middle phase of growing their hair out. hair grows so fast. so much faster than you'll ever realize. just roll with it, do what you want.

most cishet folks are very tame with the way they dress, almost afraid. look up different types of queer folk and see how we present. be flamboyant, allow yourself to look diferent and weird. often times what works is not caring about fitting neatly into a box of 100% masc or fem. i find what works is combining unexpected things, dressing in ways that you don't see every other person on the street dressing. i guess it also helps that i'm autistic & schizophrenic because i just don't have a lot of those filters that would make one worry about looking too weird, etc. honestly just let yourself vibe with your outfits, and embrace chaos

hope that helps, take care of yourself, good luck with your transition and your journey!

[alarrytale]

“Like the article states, today Prince would be accused of appropriating a queer aesthetic. I think there is a chance H might meet that fate. People are already noticing the discrepancy between H on stage performing and H off stage, and 11.6k mill aren’t very happy about it...”

Okay and so what is the conclusion to not meet the same fate as Prince for H in your opinion? Easiest way to get out of it and get an actual support of queer community is to come out but S*ny won’t let him and I’m not even sure if he wants to do it right now. He already kind of indicated that he’s not straight by talking about his sexuality that a) he won’t give an answer to this question, b) mentioning something like everybody has to explore their sexuality and get comfortable with it (no straight person would say that imo) and c) telling that he’s open about his sexuality with his family and closest ones (again no straight person would need to say this) + many many many more indicators like “not that important”/“don’t knock it until you try it” and whole rainbowbears thing but again, gaslighting, short memory or actually no memory at all (because most people noticed him post 1D) and heavy stunting blinded everyone and so I doubt people actually remember these words. And while imo it’s sus he wanted and got the role of closeted gay man for the movie when he’s not actually a pro actor, because it happend during h*livia and the shitstorm her movie caused, nobody stoped to think why he wanted that Tom Burgess that much.

Hi, anon!

The clear solution is to come out as you say, but he's obviously not in a postition to do so now.

So the next best solution for Harry is to bridge the gap. Make the two extremes less extreme, so the image seems more authentic and the real him. So he can either lay off stunting with women for awhile, stop pushing the female connections in the tabloids and stop with het lyrics. Or he can turn up the queercoding off stage, visit gay bars or publically befriend queers. For every straight thing he does he needs to double down on the queer for people not see him as straight. Heteronormativity is so ingrained in people. Little queercoding and a straight relationship splattered over the tabloids makes it seem like the queer projecting he does on stage is only performative and not a part of the real him.

I think he should do a bit of both, as to be a bit more consistent. For H this has always been about balancing the two and him pushing the queer side. It seems like it's been a bit too much in the straight direction as of late. When people are used to you wearing pearls and "but daddy i love him" t-shirts, changing to a clean cut and coventional look will have people question your authenticity.

What Harry says doesn’t really matter. Actions do. He can be as coy as he wants about his sexuality. He's never publically been with a man, he's publically denied being bi and he's making out with feminine female models and celebrities left and right. His actions tells us he's very publically straight and into conventionally attractive women. Taking the MP role also doesn’t register with the gp. Plenty of actors projecting a straight image are doing queer roles nowadays, Nick Galitzine, TZP, Barry Keoghan and Paul Mescal just to name a few. The difference is that they only project straight and aren’t also teasing the queers and queerbaiting to the degree H does.

People do wonder why H took the MP role, but they probably think he did it to provoke, do something unexpected and groundbreaking, and to stand out. All for attention and accolades. Much like Prince did and other queerbaiters/queer appropriaters before have. Straight people queerbaiting/taking queer acting roles has really ruined things for closeted queers who wants to queercode and represent and be a role model, but needs to uphold a straight image at the same time. These days it's also hard, at least for the privileged younger generations, to understand why people don't just come out. So it's created this environment and culture we're currently in. There is a low tolerance for queerbaiting (for good reason), and that puts H right in the crossfire the way his image is right now.

[edalynn]

huntlow shippers say its pretty much confirmed they'll be canon and i do see some of their arguments. blushing is used as shorthand for romantic feelings so it makes sense for some to interpret hunter blushing as a crush. and to make it more balanced shippers then look at scenes of them interacting and stretch the logic a bit to argue that willow also has a crush (though i absolutely don't see it lol).

but i feel like the crew is more teasing the fans with the ship than actually foreshadowing that it would happen in the story, you know? they go out of their way to avoid any actual conversation between hunter and willow after their first episode together. and even though hunter is given the "romantic" shorthands willow is given none.

in that one stream when someone asked if the ship would happen dana found it rly funny and reacted like they were going to tease the fandom with something unexpected. and they can't kill off one half of the ship bc that would go against the vibe of the story and hunter and willows character arcs. but if they're just going to make them canon then it's weird that dana would have such a big reaction to it. i would have just expected a cryptic smile and a "stay tuned ;DDD"

same with that one promo art of thanks to them with huntlow holding hands like if they do get together why would you show that on a piece of promo art? especially for an episode where they don't get together? it would have been more impactful if they just let it happen in the show without alluding to it in the promos. they definitely didn't do that for lumity or raeda. same thing with some other promo arts where huntlow are standing next to each other or that one where hunter is looking at willow.

i can buy that hunter has a crush but i can't see willow having one, or them getting together in a well-written way. im really hoping they go with the "willow rejects hunters love confession" route bc they haven't had a conversation in almost 10 episodes and i trust the crew to write romantic relationships better than that. i hope the crew's push for the huntlow ship is just a big troll on their part (although it would be kind of mean to huntlow shippers if it was just a troll)

The whole belief that it’s “confirmed canon” is honestly my biggest gripe with huntlows because the ones that insist it is canon are the ones that come after people that don’t ship it, as if there haven’t always been people in fandom spaces that actively ignore actual canon ships anyway. It’s definitely frustrating because blushing is often used as romantic shorthand, but toh has down an amazing job from day one of showing characters blushing at people they look up to or admire with absolutely no romantic context (I.e. Willow at Luz, or Luz at Eda which is CLEARLY one of awe and admiration) so I think if they pull the rug out from under shippers and have it said or implied “it was because he looked up to her the whole time, not romantic!” It would be very on brand and also hilarious. And if it IS a crush, I’m going to decide to ignore canon and say Hunter has very little social skills and has no idea what just admiring and wanting to be a person’s friend feels like so he thinks it’s romantic attraction lol. In the other hand with Willow, she clearly has no romantic interest in him whatsoever. As I said before, we’ve seen Willow blush and it’s only ever been in a platonic sense (aroace Willow 👀) so if that’s shippers’ marker for romantic attraction she definitely is NOT interested in him in that way.

I definitely agree with you that it feels like a tease, and it would definitely be Dana’s MO for a show she’s so heavily laden with queer rep for the straight “couple” to get the usual queerbait treatment. It would feel like a fuck you to Disney and every other show that has made queer ppl the butt of their jokes for so many years and I think that’s beautiful. Also im so glad you think the same thing about that stream. I’ve said the EXACT same thing in the past- that reaction was definitely not a blushy uwu my pairing reaction that was the reaction of a person that has some shit up her sleeve in regards to the question lmfao. Dana hasn’t reacted that way visibly about lumity OR raeda which she later in the same stream said was her favorite ship, so reacting that way to a ship that’s not even canon and that fans are constantly theorizing about seems SO un-Dana terrace to me. Like I cannot stress enough how much that would not make sense lmao.

I haven’t seen the promo art of them holding hands??? Kind of glad I haven’t seen it? But yeah, the way they’re always looking at each other in promo art. It definitely seems like a tease, though because none of those episodes have really had them interacting at all. I genuinely cannot see how they could produce a well written romance like you said even before this last episode, but ESPECIALLY now after this last episode. It would feel cheap and like they’re using a romance as the thing to heal hunter after all the trauma he’s gone through. With flapjack, you know,, and being the most important thing in Hunter’s life, it feels they’ve narratively gone too far for huntlow to end up being anything more than a “sure your best friend might have died to save your life, but you’re all better now because the girl said yes :)” type deal. It makes me feel kinda sick thinking about it because it would feel disrespectful to everything he’s just gone through. Hunter needs time to grieve and re-find himself, the thought of him having any romantic feelings for anyone/a crush on anyone after what happened wouldn’t make sense. Like “oh yeah that was traumatizing, but potential romance!!”. Like it would be shelving all the trauma he now needs to process and make flapjack’s sacrifice feel so cheap because I cannot see hunter having any interest in anything like that anymore directly after that’s happened. When people are traumatized like that they tend to close off, emotions shut down, etc (not to say that’s exactly what will happen, but it narratively makes sense after all that with how we already know hunter acts) and wouldn’t actively be thinking about a romance but would more likely be distancing himself. I swear to god if we get a scene of the hexsquad and camila of hunter explaining being a grimwalker/what all happened and it ends with him blushing at Willow because she for once ever does something romantic back or just hugs him or something I will snap because like I said it would make it feel like flapjacks sacrifice is being pushed to the wayside just to further a random ship that barely has any canon evidence. It already would have felt cheap to make it canon before, but it REALLY would now. That being said, I agree with you that I trust that if they were going to end up romantic the crew would have done much better writing for it rather than it feeling like a constant tease AND I trust Dana to handle the aftermath of all the shown physical abuse Hunter just experienced better than to make huntlow canon to “fix him”. The amazing quality of writing for lumity and raeda really doesn’t lend high hopes for huntlow actually becoming canon & I hope it stays that way for the sake of the writing.

[cynicalmedusa]

Sometimes I think about the grief inherent in the experience for some of us who are genderqueer and/or non-binary and trans. Not just the vague, unexplored grief, but the aware, understood grief and longing as it relates to being embodied. There is pain just in feeling, but there is a deeper pain in knowing.

I think many trans people understand and grapple with the sense of an embodiment that fails to accomplish what the person wants at all times. Whether this is the embodiment that fails through not being right in some way, the embodiment that is never legible, embodiment that is right inconsistently and may only work when recognized by others correctly, the embodiment that is right sometimes and wrong at others, the embodiment that is too much or too little. The people fighting with, altering, and developing their embodiment and the liminal spaces that exist in that journey. The trans individuals whose embodiment needs to change but lack access. Those whose access is tentative and conditional. Those whose bodies do not respond conventionally to intervention, or whose personal response to conventional changes is unexpected. Those for whom the changes are not the purest embodiment that they want, but are better than the unaltered alternative. The list could go on and on. Which is not to say that trans people are necessarily at odds with their embodiment at all or have to be that way in order to be trans; I think the only consistency within identity categories is inconsistency. We are just a coalition of people reaching out for connection and solidarity.

But some of us, regardless of accessibility, cannot make use of anything that is available to us now. Some of us have needs (embodiment-specific, other factors for our minds and bodies) that are fundamentally at odds with the reality of medicine or assistive technologies, and it is unlikely to change enough within our lifetimes. For some of us, it is not the scaremongering about HRT or affirmative surgeries, normative beauty and body standards, the emotional, physical, financial cost. We've maybe experimented with hormones, researched the surgeries, tried out some of the available technologies, considered the options, processed and agonized and wondered and dreamed, and found them all fundamentally at odds with the ways we can best tolerate any embodiment. We may feel failed by all of this, and failed even by communities like trans and queer communities, which quite rightly want to give space to the successes and the ways in which change has helped them be happier, be more themselves. People should be able to be happy in claiming and rewriting their bodies in ways that make them happy; making space for other responses is not betrayal.

It's alright to mourn what cannot be, to recognize the ways in which your society, your communities, available technology, the understanding of your loved ones, the experiences you have had and those available to you, access to funding, the limitations of body and mind, and the ways in which you must approach your life for any reason are unable to meet all your needs for embodiment. It's okay to recognize the impossible and allow yourself to experience the grief rather than sublimate it into some other emotion, to shove it down because it will not do you any good to only live your grief, to be happy for others who are able to carve out an embodiment that works and not sully their happiness or ease with their bodies.

Maybe it is a grief unacknowledged, or unanswered, or impossible to let completely go. Maybe it is hard to accept, when many of us may be better off or worse off than others we are in community with. Maybe even body neutrality cannot help us. Maybe it is negotiated through other identities that add complexity, rage, beauty, joy to our embodiment in some way. Maybe it is all we can do to work towards some form of acceptance and life as we can make it, and not uncontested, uncomplicated joy in our embodiment.

We can struggle with that embodiment, that tension, that wrongness unnamed and it doesn't make us wrong. We are not wrong. You are not wrong, and if you ever felt unrecognized and unseen, I see you.

[foxounderscorecube]

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Sarah J. Maas

4¼ ⭐

Ah, I hate that this series has managed to get such a chokehold on me…

The politics in this one were particularly fun. Tamlin, god, it was so hard to know what side he was going to end up on. I'm glad that he finally wished Feyre well - begrudgingly, for sure, but he seems sincere. He's healing slowly. At least he's hopefully going to stop making his bitterness everyone else's problem now. There are so many unexpected alliances and the battles are great fun to read. The eldritch abomination gang coming to fight the battle was particularly cool. Bryaxis is such a fella. He just wants friendship and a window to look out of and I love him so much, even if he is Fear Itself.

It was lovely to see the character arcs of Nesta and Elain. I adore that Nesta gaslit gatekept girlbossed so fucking hard that she took a part of the Cauldron for herself. What a queen. Elain really grows into herself over the course of the story, too, and it's really great to watch her go from a total wet blanket to someone who, when push comes to shove, is as brave as you could ask for. And when their dad turns up, ah, the feels.

One thing I think really detracts from the ending was that I think there should have been more deaths of importance. Not because I hate happiness and love, I mean. I think the emotional impact of the end would have been WAY more effective had Amren actually been freed. Like, it was cool as hell when she left the High Fae body she was trapped in and died a hero. The fact that, when the Cauldron is fixed, and Rhysand is revived (which also felt like a cop-out, but I get why he had to stay alive), everyone's like "oh no poor Amren :(" and then Rhysand's like "take a little look in the Cauldron :)" and Amren-but-not-monstrous is in there. I love Amren and I was devastated that she seemed to be gone, but then she's back and it's like… well, good? but nothing was sacrificed, was it? It seems a bit cheap. I teared up at the Suriel's death at the start of the war, let alone an important supporting character, so believe me when I say I don't take character deaths lightly - but that would have been warranted, in my opinion. Still, it's a nice conclusion to the events of the series thus far, and it's an intense road to get there, too.

I felt that the series so far had been incredibly heterosexual, and I guess Maas thought so, too, because we got some queer characters in this one and I'm always happy to see that. Mor being bi and preferring women tracks. That is a woman who prefers women right there.

I'm still not sold on Feyre and Rhysand as a couple. I'm just not. I think Rhysand really loves Feyre and his whole family, too, but I think they all deserve better, honestly. And I know, I know, I'm bringing up the Pontiff Sulyvahn-ing* of Feyre again, but I rolled my eyes SO fucking hard when she gets her heirloom crown as was like "wow, even when I was being used as a sexy dancer against my will, he'd dress me in tiaras and diadems because he saw me as his equal the entire time <3". That is… not the conclusion most people would come to, but okay. Maas seems pretty based overall - the miscommunications-for-drama trope isn't really used in this series and the relationship is generally communicative and not too bad (although Rhysand could bear to tell the people he cares about more information to allow them to come to more informed decisions when "it's your choice!" is his whole Thing) - so it's disappointing that she digs herself an ever-deepening hole trying to justify Rhysand enslaving Feyre Under The Mountain.

*"to Pontiff Sulyvahn", as I use it here, is to force someone against their will to become a dancer, especially if it's done both for gratification and as a political power move. Sulyvahn is a character/boss in Dark Souls III and a complete bastard.