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lavender-romancer · 9 months

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What Does He Have That I Don't?

Imelda Reyes x Reader Sebastian Sallow x Reader

Imelda didn't understand the feelings going on in her own head, but she understood even less why you would be in love with someone who was so terrible for you.

*°*°•.˜”*°•.˜”*°•.˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”°*

Whether it was flying, or herbology or exploring Hogwarts, you and Imelda had always been together. Learning new spells with one another and talking about the latest gossip going around the school- usually including Gareth Weasley’s explosive potions. Everything felt so… correct. You were usually only with one another, slept in the same dorm, had classes and free time together. It made sense that you spent weekends together and just about every other bit of time.

You became closer and closer, Imelda opened up to you about the pressures of her family and how she never felt she could fail at anything because of how disappointed they would be. She had never talked to anyone about it before but she wanted to tell you everything.

This had never happened before, sure Imelda had had friends but nothing like this. It felt different. When she thought back on it, she might have felt a similar way towards Nerida but it still wasn’t the same as this. She wanted to stroke your hair, have you fall asleep on her, kiss you and- Imelda stopped her train of thought and opened her eyes wide. She ran to the nearest bathroom and leant over the basin, gripping the sides so hard she thought she might break it. She wanted to… kiss you? This couldn't be right. Maybe she didn't get enough sleep or something. She did not want to kiss her friend. From that moment, Imelda made herself believe that.

You continued to get close with one another and trust each other even more. With Imelda making things up like; you have something in your hair, let me get it out or I've started to learn palm reading, can I try it on you? Just so she could feel your warmth, imagine that you looked at her the same way you looked at him.

As soon as he came into your life you were transfixed, all you could talk about was him and how brilliant he was. Imelda just had to hold her tongue because if she told you how much she despised Sallow you would only push her away.

How could she tell you about the feelings she was having when she didn't even understand them herself? How could she tell you that the feelings she had for you were the same Sebastian had for you? Imelda was outwardly headstrong but her anxiety got the better of her in many situations, the whole of her friendship with you had felt like a huge experiment into how deep her imposter syndrome went. She never felt good enough to be your friend, or that she deserved your friendship. Now it was exacerbated to breaking point. Imelda knew she would be better for you than him, she knew that she could give you so much more, care about you more and never make you cry. But alas, you would still collapse onto your bed with a satisfied sigh and talk nonstop about how Sebastian had smiled at you in potions class.

Every night Sallow would knock on the dorm room you and Imelda shared to say goodnight or take you off gallivanting round the school or the Highlands. It usually gave Imelda time to wallow, she had never been this bad of a loser in all of her time in quidditch. She couldn't stand the fact that you looked at Sallow the way you did. The two of them seemed ridiculously in love and Imelda dreamed of you looking at her like that. She knew it was wrong and her family would never accept it. But she couldn't hold it in.

What was happening? Why was she feeling this way about her friend? Having to turn away when you were changing your clothes because it suddenly felt like an invasion of privacy or, when they would talk about crushes Imelda would always have to lie and choose some random boy. Was this normal, or just another thing that would make people despise her? She respected you too much to ruin your life by revealing this dark secret no matter how much it was slowly killing her from the inside out.

Regardless of knowing Sallow was a fucking idiot who would never prioritise you, Imelda knew she would put her all into caring for you. She already did but not in the same way Sallow could. A jealousy bubbled inside her that constantly threatened to jump out at anyone who dared question her. She had taken to spending more time alone because hearing you talk for the umpteenth time about the same boy made her chest hurt by this point. You told Imelda about how he had made you cry, that he had cast the cruciatus curse on you for a fucking book or something. Imelda wanted to kill him right there and then, but you explained it away and went back to fawning over him. How could you not see that he only cared about his own interests?

Some days Imelda felt like challenging Sebastian to a duel or something of that nature. He didn't deserve you- not that Imelda thought she deserved you either- and could never treat you with the amount of care you deserved. You deserved the world, all the riches in existence and the softest hands to care and look after you. After all the hardships and loss in your life you didn't need anyone else hurting you.

Today was an evening like many others when Sallow knocked at the dormitory door and Imelda wrapped a robe around herself before returning to her bed. You jumped up excitedly and opened the door, but something happened that made Imelda have to catch her breath. They kissed. A short and brief kiss, but a kiss all the same almost like they were used to doing it by now and we're just saying goodnight in the shroud of familiarity. Imelda turned onto her side, facing away from your bed and did anything she could to get that image out of her head. Over and over it played, a cruel reminder that people like her would never have the chance to prove they were just as devoted and loving.

After that moment, Imelda stayed so far away from you that a lot of people were noticing it. Even Ominis had asked Imelda if there was an issue because you had been upset. But Imelda brushed it off saying that she was focussing on her studies. It had been months by now. Months of excusing herself from situations where you were, going to bed early so that you didn't have time to debrief at the end of the day. Imelda couldn't see you without wanting to cry, that fucker Sallow was your boyfriend. The two of them were bonafide lovers and it made Imelda hate herself more every day.

Imelda felt like she was floating through life with nothing to keep her grounded. Nothing to root her to reality as her heart continued to break, she had begun silently crying herself to sleep. Nothing could fix this because you didn't want her, you only wanted him. Maybe one day Imelda would be able to tell you the truth but she had begun to realise that you had probably begun to hate her. Their friendship was barely intact and it was Imelda who had been pulling away the whole time, you probably felt abandoned.

This hurt had to happen, for the both of you. Without it Imelda couldn't leave you, she missed you so intensely it hurt but when she left Hogwarts she wouldn't have to worry. In a few months she could switch dorms, forget any of it ever happened and if that meant you would be stuck with Sallow, that was how it was meant to be. The story that Imelda had inside herself was never to be told, she would never love freely. Maybe it was dramatic but every time she looked at you it felt wrong, it felt like this was meant to be. If you only felt the same.

#imelda reyes x f!mc #imelda reyes x reader #imelda reyes x y/n #imelda reyes x you #imelda reyes sapphic #imelda reyes queer #hoywarts legacy #sebastian sallow x y/n #sebastian sallow x reader #imelda reyes #Imelda Reyes fanfic #imelda Reyes imagine #imelda reyes imagines

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frickinsleepdeprived · 1 year

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The hashiras with a burnt out s/o (or s/o in a depressive episode)

Dealing with a lot of heavy topics like imposter syndrome, survivors guilt, anxiety, depression, etc. One of these hashiras has implied smut in theirs so minors DNI with Giyuu's. Hope you all enjoy!

......

Muichiro:

He’s not used to seeing you like this, slumped over the table as your shaking hands held your head in a not-so-steady fashion. He’s not used to seeing you rock yourself as a means of comfort, not used to seeing you cry and break so easily. You’re one of the strongest people he knows, why are you this way now? He sighed, knowing that he’s the only person you need right now. “(y/n)... what’s wrong?” He asked plainly, that same voice bringing you back to reality and you looked at him. It shattered his heart to see your eyes, puffy and red from crying for god knows how long, which is something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. At least, not before he met you. “(y/n), you need to talk about this…”

“Why does it matter? It doesn’t change the fact that this burn out won’t go away…” you croaked out between sobs. He hummed in response, now understanding what’s wrong. So he helps you up from the table, bringing you to the couch where he wrapped you up in blankets. Quickly going to the kitchen he brought you back some water, which you downed in a heartbeat.

“Well, if it’s the case that you’re burnt out… I’ll do whatever I can to alleviate at least some of the pain. But only if you’ll let me…” He rubbed your back gently, trying his best to comfort you despite how awkward he felt. You leaned onto his shoulder, taking deep shaky breaths as you tried gaining your bearings back.

“That’s fine…” You muttered, feeling helpless as he pulled you into his embrace and planted a kiss on your temple. Closing your eyes you let more hot streams of tears fall, wanting to just run away but relishing in your boyfriend’s comforting touch.

“I know it can be hard, being a slayer and all. But we’re in this together, and I’ve got you every step of the way. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

…

Mitsuri:

It was definitely a surprise to Mitsuri when she saw you sitting by yourself in the garden when she got home. A blank expression on your face as you just stared at whatever was in front of you, not minding the wind that tousled your hair in all kinds of directions. “(y/n)? What’re you doing all by yourself out here?” concern laced your girlfriend’s voice as she sat next to you. You looked to the side, not even bothering to move the hair out of your face as the wind did it for you.

Ultimately you shrugged your shoulders, not really knowing what to say. “Well, maybe you can define what you’re feeling with a singular word? If you want to, that is…” She took your hand into her’s, not really knowing what to say. You just looked into her green eyes, trying to find some sort of comfort before you could bawl your eyes out.

“I.. I can’t define it. It’s just a mix of a bunch of things I guess…” You concluded, sighing as you went back to looking at the garden. She noticed that you weren’t in your slayer uniform, hell you weren’t even ready for the day at all. That’s when she knew something was definitely wrong, but she wasn’t going to pry because she knows it takes a while for you to open up. She pulled you into her side, allowing you to rest your head on her shoulder. Running her fingers through you hair, you finally broke into staggered sobs, allowing yourself for the first time in a while to just cry. It took her by surprise, she’s only seen you like this a handful of times. But everytime you got like this it was for a very valid reason.

“It’s alright (y/n), you’re going to be okay I promise. If you need the day off, say the word and I’ll deliver your message to the master. What matters most is your well being, and that will always be at the top of my list.”

…

Obanai:

The serpent hashira just got off of work, but he wasn’t able to find you in your shared home. So he wandered all over the place and forgot to check one vital spot, which was the bathroom.

So there he found you in the shower, with the water running on your clothed body as you sat there crying softly in the fetal position. Knees tucked to your chest, face buried in your arms. “Hey, you’ll get sick if you do that you know…” He mentioned casually, turning off the shower and grabbing you a towel from the closet. “More importantly, what’re you doing in here crying? I thought that was something you do in the comfort of your bedroom.” His comments didn’t really phase you this time, feeling all too numb to even want to argue with him. That’s when he knew that this wasn’t for attention, this was real.

He sighed, helping you up and out of the floor of the tub and getting you out of your soaked clothes and into some fresh ones. “Hey, seriously, what’s wrong? Or is it something more?” He asked, his heterochromic eyes looking into yours. You looked back at him, your eyes bloodshot worse than when you were angry. As he was towel drying your hair, you could do nothing but cry. You knew you could do this by yourself, you knew that you could clean yourself up and act as if nothing happened. But now that he saw you like this, it was the most humiliated and vulnerable you’ve felt in a long time.

“I should be stronger than this…” You muttered, but it was loud enough to let Obanai hear it, his expression softened. Sadness waved over him as if he had failed you. Failed to fully understand what you meant in this instance, failed to comfort you, failed to help you. “Like, I shouldn’t let the burnout get to me this easily, what the fuck is wrong with me?” you asked out loud, making him turn you around to look at him.

“Listen to me, and hear me now. Burnout is not something you get through alone, it’s not something to be taken with a grain of salt. I know you think you can do it on your own, and the only reason why I know is because I thought I could do it too. But the reality is (y/n), you’re not alone in this. Not anymore. So for once, let your stubborn ass let me help you. I’m not letting you go through this alone. Not anymore.”

…

Sanemi:

You threw around medical supplies as you sighed, trying your best to clean yourself up after a long battle. Sanemi was right by you, feeling the same anger you felt. It wasn’t affecting him as much as it was you though. “Stupid demons, stupid fucking sword, goddamn missions back to motherfucking back, I’m sick of this shit…” You closed the peroxide as you passed it over to your boyfriend with force. He finally had enough, he couldn’t stand to see you this angry anymore.

“Babe, what’s wrong? You’re usually never like this, at least, you’re never this angry.” He commented, earning a cold glare from you. “Easy killer, I get that you’re mad but cut the shit, what’s wrong?” He asked, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, which was riddled with cuts and bruises. You sighed deeply, tilting your head back as you wrapped your forearm.

“It’s nothing honestly, just tired of dealing with this bullshit. Slaying demons, countless missions back to back…” you softly spoke as you felt tears well up in the corners of your eyes. It wasn’t every day you were like this, frankly you’ve never gotten to this point before. You’d usually take the burnout in stride, acting as if nothing was bothering you. But Sanemi could tell that something was wrong.

“Well if it’s really nothing, then why are you crying?” he asked, making you break a little. Your sobs grew a little louder, and your breathing became labored. “(y/n)?”

“I just… Why does it come down to us getting injured in order to finally catch a break? I don’t understand, Sanemi make me understand I don’t want to be alone in this please-” your boyfriend grabbed you by your arms. “Sanemi I can’t do this I don’t want to be this angry please I just need something anything to make me understand I can’t keep going like this-”

“(Y/N)! FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST LOOK AT ME!” He shouted

“WHAT?!” you retorted, fear in your eyes as you were afraid his hot headedness got to the best of him. His expression softened as he saw you tense up, holding your breath in anticipation of being hit or worse. All he could do was pull you in for a hug, allowing your body to go limp as he helped you sit on the floor. Holding you securely as he ran his fingers through your hair, assuring you no more harm will befall you.

“Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you, nothing will get you. I know you’re tired, I know you’re burnt out. But you can’t keep going like this, I feel awful for not recognizing it sooner, (y/n). I’m sorry, and I promise I’ll never let you get like this again. And if you do, I promise I’ll help you through it, no matter how long it takes.”

…

Gyomei:

He wasn’t really sure what to do as he heard your small, quiet sobs of what seemed to be agony. You were curled up in a ball, rocking yourself trying so hard to comfort yourself so he didn’t have to. It pained him a bit, he knew that you’d let him know what was wrong in a heartbeat. Why was this time so different? “(y/n)? Are you alright?” He asked, making you jump in surprise, tears still streaking down your face as you put on your best front.

“O-oh, yeah I’m okay. Just a little emotional right now is all…” You tried laughing it off, but he could see right through you, despite being blind.

“Nonsense, I can tell you’re bluffing… if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay. I’m more than willing to give you all the time and space you need. Unless you’d like for me to stay with you..” He said, sitting next to you on the floor and pulling you into his arms. You sighed as you melted into nothing but a puddle of pure, unbridled emotions. Crying harder than you were before, tugging on his haori as you buried your face in it to muffle your screams.

He felt bad, knowing that he couldn’t do much else other than wipe your tears and run his fingers through your hair. Trying his best to provide some sort of comfort, because you’ve never gotten to this point before. “Why is everything just so fucking difficult right now?” you wondered aloud, taking your face out from his chest so you could breathe and wipe away your tears. He sighed, holding you closer as he thought about it for a second. That’s when he realized that this wasn’t just an ordinary breakdown, this is burnout.

“Things may be hard now, but they won’t be hard forever. That’s the beauty of things like this, you get to see how they turn out. However, I won’t force you to talk about what’s wrong if you don’t want to. That would be counterintuitive, so for now, why don’t you just relax in my arms? I’ll pray for you if I have to, hopefully things will clear up for you, my love.”

…

Shinobu:

Holding your shaking form, she couldn’t help but wonder what the anxiety attack was all about. Your once bubbly, joyful, and carefree demeanor is gone and replaced with this. It’s not like you at all, and truth be told, she was scared.

“(y/n), you need to breathe, I can feel your pulse quickening…” she spoke tenderly, running her fingers through your hair as gently as she could. You tried your hardest to breathe but it just would not work, so she decided to take the alternate way and use pressure points to distract you.

“Ow! Shinobuuuuu!” you whined, looking up at her with teary eyes. She gave you a softened look, knowing that she had to hurt you a bit just to get you to come back to reality kinda broke her heart, but it had to be done.

“I’m sorry, but you had to calm down somehow. That was the gentlest way I knew how, other than administering medicine…” she admitted, feeling guilty about it. “But you need to talk about this, you can’t go about this alone in your state right now.” you groaned in annoyance.

“Why does it even matter anyways? It’s all the same routine; get out there on the field, slay the assigned demon or complete the task, hopefully not getting injured in the process, all to just get a message from your crow saying you have another mission. Or if you’re lucky you get to spend the night at home, and that’s if you make it there alive…” you sighed through that last bit, knowing that the looming doom you felt could very easily turn into a reality.

Shinobu couldn’t say that you’re wrong, because the vast majority of everything you said was true. After being a slayer for so long, she can relate to how you feel as far as the same old routine goes. All she can do now is just hopefully get through to you with some words of advice, at least, advice she hopes will help.

“I understand completely, the whole same thing every day. But one thing I can say for certain though is that you definitely need a break. I’ll put in a medical leave notice for you, you can take all the time you need to rest. But in the meantime, try to relax. I know it might be hard, but it’ll be worth it. I love you, and that won’t change, ever.”

…

Giyuu:

Giyuu just got home from probably his longest mission to date, only to find you missing from the house. “Huh, I guess (y/n)’s still out…” he thought to himself, slipping off his shoes and hanging his haori on a nearby rack. But as he got closer to the room, he saw the door was open, which was unusual because you never leave the door open, especially when you’re going out of the house.

Upon further inspection, he found you scrubbing the deck in your pajamas, which could only mean one of two things. One, you’re either pent up with emotion, or two, you got over being pent up said emotions and you’re trying to distract yourself. “Who’s there?” your voice cracked, sounding hoarse as you spoke.

“It’s just me, what’s going on?” he asked, taking off his slayer uniform and putting something else on in place of it. You put your sponge back in the bucket of hot water and started scrubbing the deck, not even bothering to answer his question. You more than likely didn’t hear him ask anything, as you would usually drown out the noises of anything that could distract you from your current distraction. “(y/n).” you popped your head up upon hearing your name, only to find that Giyuu was talking to you. He sighed, knowing that something’s on your mind but you won’t falter so easily. So as you went back to scrubbing, Giyuu took the bucket and set it elsewhere so you’d stop working and focus on him talking to you. “(y/n), you’re doing it again. What’s going on?” you thought about it for a second. You weren’t really sure why you were acting this way, frankly you didn’t even acknowledge it in the first place. “Are you stressed out about something?”

“Possibly, I can’t quite put my finger on it though…” you sighed, looking up to the moon, asking for an answer. “But what I do know is that I’m sick of getting back to back missions and running around all the time. Just hope I can catch a break…” you admitted, but Giyuu also knew that there was so much more to this than just stress.

“Anything else?-”

“Everything, it’s everything Giyuu, I can barely breathe nowadays it’s so overwhelming. I just don’t know how to handle these intrusive thoughts anymore they’re driving me crazy… is there something wrong with me?” you finally said it all, allowing real tears to spill down your cheeks. He kneeled next to you, his shirtless form shining in a divine way in the moonlight. Rubbing your back he pulled you into a gentle embrace, picking you up and carrying you to your shared bed. “Giyuu?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you, I promise, and if I have to prove it to you then so be it.” he places you on the bed gently, moving to hover over you.

“Giyuu what’re you doing?-” he cuts you off with a gentle kiss, making any stress or worry melt away.

“Relax, you’re not going to stress any more. Take it out on me, but do it gently. I’m willing to listen, to feel, and hear whatever it is that’s on your mind. But I need you to relax first…”

…

Rengoku:

Strong arms held you close as you just stared at the wall. You had been at this for about three hours now, basically since Rengoku got home from training. He offered you cuddles, which you gratefully accepted, but you couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from burnout that ran through your head.

“What if I really can’t do this anymore? What if this is all just a big misunderstanding of mine? What if I’m really not cut out to be a slayer after all? Was all my training for nothing? Why am I like this? What’s wrong with me? I should probably just leave the corps, it’ll be-”

“(y/n), are you alright?” Rengoku’s voice brought you back to reality. Blinking a couple of times you looked at him, a worried expression replacing his ever present smile. You didn’t realize you had broken into a sweat, and that your breathing became heavy.

“Oh, uh, yeah I’m fine. Why? What’s wrong?” you asked, acting oblivious to the fact that something was wrong with you, not him.

“You’re dazing out, this is the third time this week my love. What’s on your mind?” you knew you couldn’t lie to him. He could practically see right through you and there was just no use for it. Sighing as you leaned your head against his shoulder, you looked at him. Tears threatened to leak out of your eyes as he looked at you with concern. “Darling?”

“Am I cut out for this whole slayer thing? Like, what if this is all just a huge misunderstanding of mine and I’m not going to have the strength to fight at all?... Should I just leave the demon slayer corps altogether?” You blurted, not really knowing what you’re saying. Rengoku was shocked to say the least, he himself didn’t know what to say to that. But when words fail him, action never has. After pulling you into his lap he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, wanting you to know that you’re so so appreciated.

“You know, I felt that way after joining the corps also. I felt as though I couldn’t replace my father as the next flame hashira. But look at me now, the hard work paid off. I know it seems like it can be hard my flame, being a slayer is no easy feat in itself. But with the right state of mind, and enough determination, you can do anything you set your mind to. So allow me to take those intrusive thoughts away from you. In the form of loving you and guiding you to a path that is better than the one those thoughts can lead you to. I love you my sunflower, never forget that.”

…

Tengen:

You had yet to even remotely crawl out of bed. It was around one in the afternoon and the wives were starting to get pretty worried about you. They knew this last mission took a toll on you, but they didn’t think it’d be this bad. “Lord Tengen, you have to do something about this. (y/n) hasn’t gotten out of bed yet.” Makio stated, crossing her arms as she looked up at her shared husband.

“I agree! (y/n) has been sleeping a lot lately, she could use a check in!” Suma chimed, with the same amount of worry in her voice as Makio’s. Hinatsuru only nodded in agreement, looking at Tengen with a worried expression. He had to admit, he was pretty worried about you too. Knowing what a long battle can do to a person if they let it, he had to stop this dead in it’s tracks. So he went upstairs to the bedroom, noticing that the door was open, so he just strolls on in, acting as if nothing was wrong so as not to scare you awake.

“(y/n), you need to get up. It’s already the afternoon you know…” Tengen spoke softly, stroking your hair as a means to wake you up.

“What’s the point? It’s not like it matters seeing another waking day, knowing I might die out there like you almost did in the entertainment district…” you sighed sleepily, turning to your husband who by now had a saddened expression. He laid on his side next to you, trying to provide what little comfort he could in your state. “What’s with the sad look?” You asked, scrunching your nose and eyebrows.

“You know I hate seeing you like this, right? So do the others…” he commented, rubbing your arm gently as you scooted closer to him. Ever since that night, you’ve been worrying yourself sick about what could possibly happen to you and the other wives. It was baffling to you how he even survived in the first place. If only you had been there to help him, maybe he wouldn’t be as injured as he is now. “Hey, don’t cry, I’ll be okay.”

“It’s not okay when I should’ve been there…” you croaked out between your sobs, wanting nothing more but to be left alone. But you knew Tengen was far too stubborn to be able to do that. You mean too much to him, and you couldn’t understand why. Tengen sighed, helping you sit up as he had you rest your head against his chest.

“You hear that?” he asked.

“Yeah…” you muttered, still crying from guilt.

“What does that tell you?” he inquired softly.

“You’re alive.” you finalized.

“Then that’s all that matters.” he concluded, making sure you understand his message.

“I just don’t understand how you can love me when I’m of such little use as a slayer. I couldn’t save you back there, I couldn’t do anything for the others. I just want to be able to change it all, you know?” you sighed. Laying down your pride to confront your emotions was something that you couldn’t take lightly. It was a major shot to your ego, and all Tengen could do was give you this final push:

“Look, we can’t change the past, we can’t predict the future. We can only affect this present moment now. So what I need you to do is get out of bed, and focus on getting better. Staying like this will only make it worse, and I love you too much to see you like this. Makio loves you, Suma loves you, Hinatsuru loves you, we all love you so much and there's nothing that can change that. So come on hot stuff, we have flashy things to do today.”

......

I might turn Giyuu's headcanon into an actual fic, so stay tuned ;)

Otherwise I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you want to see next!

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #demon slayer headcanons #kny headcanons #kimetsu no yaiba headcanons #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x y/n #demon slayer x you

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saccharinesunsetretired · 10 months

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Wilma x Reader headcanons

Just some cute fluffy headcanons (written on my phone from the college library). Made specifically for @lillylvjy as a thank you for all the lovely Wilma content :)

Warnings/Tags: Wilma is a trans woman, reader is gender neutral. Brief mention of gender dysphoria

Beginning of the relationship headcanons:

If you’re an artist, you likely met her at an art event or the studio. Of course, you were instantly amazed by her paintings. Wilma, while usually confident about her art, sometimes gets imposter syndrome. Once you complimented her art, she immediately warmed up to you.

If you’re not an artist, you likely met her at the park. She’s there all the time, sketching the surroundings from the comfort of a bench.

If you met her pre-transition, it would take her a while to open up to you, but once you accepted her, she’d be more than grateful to have your support. Obviously, she’s not going to date anybody who wouldn’t accept her for who she is.

Once you’re dating:

Constantly sketching you. I mean constantly. She’ll use you as a model to try out all sorts of different styles and mediums, from charcoal to watercolor to oils to colored pencil…you get the point. You’re her favorite muse.

She’s a very cuddly and affectionate person. She always wants to be near you, whether that’s in the same room or leaning against your shoulder. Definitely the kind of person who will try to convince you to stay in bed with her in the mornings. She just doesn’t want to let you go.

She tries to cook, but she’s more of a baker. Probably a fantastic cake decorator. If you end up getting married, she’s absolutely making the cake herself because she doesn’t trust anyone else to bring her vision to life. Will also make you your favorite cake for every single one of your birthdays.

If you’re an artist, she gives you feedback on your art. You do the same for her. The two of you spend a lot of time just sharing ideas and working in the studio together, chatting or listening to music while you work on your respective projects. If you’re not an artist but willing or wanting to learn, Wilma is even more ecstatic. She just wants to share her love of art, and if you want to learn, she’ll easily tell you everything she knows. She’s also never judgmental when you mess up, always just happy that you’re sharing her passion. If you get frustrated, she’s right there covering you with kisses until you’re laughing and blushing, totally forgetting whatever was upsetting you.

This woman would LOVE to have a pet. She’s more of a cat person, but she definitely wouldn’t be opposed to having a dog. I imagine she’d really like American Shorthair cats, tabbys, and calicos. For dogs, the bigger, lazier and cuddlier, the better. She wants something she can snuggle (and also spoil with an insane amount of toys). She definitely treats her pets like they’re her children.

She always goes to you for comfort when she’s feeling dysphoric. You do your best to help, calling her beautiful, reassuring her that she’s perfect the way she is, and that you’ll support her through whatever social/medical changes she wants to make. She usually just needs someone to reassure her that she’s accepted, and as long as you do that, it’ll bring her a lot of comfort.

As she gets more comfortable in her own skin, she’ll take you shopping with her while she tries on outfit after outfit. Her clothing gets more colorful as she gets more comfortable. She’s definitely more fem-leaning in terms of presentation.

Draws little pictures for you constantly. You can fully expect her to leave sticky notes all over your room with small doodles and drawings. You keep all of them. When Wilma finds out that you’ve been keeping her drawings, she practically melts

She’s there for you when you’re having a hard day. You need advice? She��ll do her best. Comfort? She’s there with cuddles and your favorite meal (even if she has a hard time cooking it). Just want to cry it out? She’ll hold you the entire time, telling you how much she adores you and that you’ll get through whatever is hurting you together.

Wilma is an art museum lover. Take her to an art museum on a date and she’ll be over the moon. Just know that, once you get there, you’ll probably be there for a long, long time.

You’re going to have to say ‘I love you’ first. As much as Wilma wants to say it, she’ll be too worried that you don’t feel the same. Once you confess, though, she’ll say it every day (multiple times).

Her love language is definitely physical touch and words of affirmation. Tell her you love her, give her all the kisses she wants. She’ll return your affection tenfold. She’s definitely a romantic.

#wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #wilma x reader #wilma soot #saccharine writes

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renamusing · 1 year

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

aaah mack, thank you for sending me this!! im a bit embarrassed to answer because im not as prolific as i wish i was, and my confidence in my stories tends to diminish with time since im never satisfied and always think i could have done better (imposter syndrome my old friend), but here are what i consider my 5 favorites in no particular order:

how fools fall in love 126k | ginhiji — somehow this became a classic in the ginhiji fandom despite the time it took me to finish and my terribly irregular updates. i reread it recently and it made me cherish not only the characters but my fandom friends so much! always a sure read when in the mood for slowburn and angst.

ceremonials 29k | ginhiji — my post-canon ginhiji fic has some of the best character writing i've ever done imo. it's also a breather for me because i get to write ginchan and toshi being properly together, leaning on each other and healing.

when silver turned white 32k | ginhiji — one of my favorites because of its structure and plot. it's not too long but i managed to cram all my angsty headcanons and fit them into the plot of bfy movie. i also LOVED to write ginchan and toshi in other timelines/ages, which i plan to do again soon!

beware the desert 15k | skysolo — occasionally i go and reread this one and can't believe i wrote it because it hits every beat, it contains every single thing i love about skysolo and depicts so clearly the han solo i have in my head i could cry. honestly, im so glad i took the time (a year if i remember correctly) to write this down because it's made specifically for me and i don't think anyone else could have done it.

give heartache a name 25k | sterek — im so specific about stiles' characterization in fics that i had to write my own because after the movie came out this year the dormant sterek part of my brain came alive after a decade and i needed to put down my love for both these idiots. i think i've reread this story at least 50 times because i wanted it to be canon so much. i know i sound like a loser but i get so giddy about older stiles and derek. as the kids say nowadays, i am cringe but i am free.

im also nuts about my ginhiji zombie au which i fear i may never finish because im always thinking about expanding the plot instead of tying it all up and finish so i can start taking my og writing seriously. oh well.

tysm for tagging me <33

#ginhiji #hijigin #sterek #skysolo #self fic recs

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kfedup · 1 year

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Sunday 7

or more, I don’t know, we’ll just have to wait and see...

1. Wishing the fathers in my orbit a beautiful day and sending love and light to all of the many who I know, like myself, have hard, complicated feelings about it all. I texted mine this morning and see that he read it, but no reply. I can’t recall the last time he reached out to me beyond a rare FB messenger note and we haven’t been face-to-face in the same room, or even the same region of the US for 20 years. Oh, wait, that’s not true. I was in Florida last year at this time and tried to get together with him, but he couldn’t make it work. It is what it is. I’m working on letting go of my resentment and imagining what life was like for him. We’ll see if that gets me anywhere.

2. Those somatic movement exercises for Psoas are truly saving my life. As soon as I do them, I’m back in business. Hopefully the pilates work will help strengthen the muscles around my hips so I’m not in constant distress. Last night was weird. My 20-year-old cesarean scar began to hurt the way it did when it was healing. Lila’s 20th birthday is in a few weeks and I’ve been writing a lot about my body and specific traumas that have occurred and how i’ve compartmentalized and outsourced so much. I had just eaten a gummy and as it kicked in and the pain increased, I got myself into a relaxed position in bed and turned on a breathing meditation and I just fucking went into it. I won’t bore you with the details of my traumatic release other than to say holy hell the body holds onto some shit. I got up afterwards and wrote it all down, then hit replay on the meditation and let it carry me on waves of relaxation and deep body sensations into an incredible night’s sleep. Oof.

3. This morning/afternoon I went to an ecstatic dance event in the CVNP at the Octagon shelter. I haven’t been since before the pandemic started and gracious, I didn’t even realize how much I missed it. The setlist was such a perfect flow and I was able to move some of that shit through and let it go. Several times I felt tears starting like I hoped would happen, but then they immediately jammed up. Maybe feeling self conscious about crying in front of strangers, I don’t know. My hips and lower back hurt after I really let myself go deep into the dance and I had to slow my ass down even though I felt so close to falling through this blockage. In due time. I’m going to go to the next one in two weeks and break out my hula hoop to use out in the back yard.

4. I’m fantasizing about dropping everything and becoming a 5rhythms teacher. Just spend the rest of my life dancing.

5. I put up the new hammock this afternoon and sat in the shade listening to the birds and the breeze, reading It Didn’t Start With You and listening to the new Ben Howard album with my earbuds to help drown out the psychos next door. Although, I will say they didn’t start screaming until I had already gone inside.

6. The Vermont job that I want is posted again with a new title and slightly tweaked description. My goal is to get my application in by end of day Wednesday. The imposter syndrome is intense this time because I applied already and I have no idea if they hit the pause button on the search because they didn’t like any of the applicants or they really did want to evaluate their staffing needs once the new ED started like they said. What if it’s both things and they were just being polite? Oh well, the only real and true thing I have to go on is the deep in my gut knowing that I will regret it if I don’t try.

7. I was supposed to do a couple hours of client work again today, but I’m wiped and needed a day that’s just for me to process and release and relax. I also got myself a DQ sundae. The screamers next door are out monopolizing the beautiful evening with their chaos, so I think I’m going to run a bath to soak with some epsom salts and essential oils and then watch a movie.

8. This week is going to be busy af and I need to wake up and have my poop in a group right away. Wish me luck. No THC at bedtime tonight for sure.

#can I move to 100 acres with no neighbors please?#but also have community?#I'm confusing #and I'm ok with that

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celestialsun123 · 5 months

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Okay, tumblr is my ‘safe space’ other than my room, so I’m going to talk and anyone who wants to can listen. Aka all the stuff I’m gonna say will take up a lot of room so take a look under the ‘keep reading’ if you care enough to lol

There are a couple of JIC trigger warnings: mentions of church/religious settings (not talked about in a negative way), doctors, uhh there’s a time where I talk about someone yelling at me?

without further ado, here's my vent for the day.

I stress out so much over liking anything posted by autistic people. I’m so sorry, I have literally nothing against you, I just freak out for no reason cause once I heard someone on YouTube say ‘if you aren’t autistic your opinion is completely invalid here’ and I’ve taken it to heart 🥲

I will go to like a post but then go ‘wait… that explicitly says it’s about autistic people/autism… I can’t! I don’t count!’ (And I am so salty about stuff like that cause I’ve thought to myself ‘well what if I’m agreeing about something that they approve of?’ But it still isn’t enough to justify it to myself.) (again, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST Y'ALL)

I was considering asking my doctor if I should get evaluated for stuff but I also really don’t want to because what if they just say ‘nope, you’re normal. Why’d you even bother?’ And I KNOW I’m not neurotypical because I have GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and there is no WAY it’s normal to feel like your entire day has been completely and utterly ruined by someone not telling you clearly that if you didn’t go eat the leftovers of your family that you wanted, it’d be passed on to the others.

Oops, that’s not where that was meant to go, but I’m keeping it.

My original point BEING, I have a feeling I don’t JUST have GAD, I wanna get evaluated for Autism and ADHD, but the imposter syndrome (can I even use that here? I’m not autistic so does that mean it’s… rejection or something?) is too much and I’m gonna wimp out of bringing it up to the doctors. I’m fairly certain I have ADHD tho, cause everything I’ve watched I’ve basically agreed with. (And yeah, the internet isn’t good source material, but there are some good people on there.)

Also I'm so worried that I'm just copying people. Like, I didn't used to stim until AFTER I learned about autism and ADHD, so what's to say that I'm not just copy pasting? And that's not genuine and it's probably also rude.

Oh and on the topic of being too sensitive for my own good, let’s talk about how I deal with people scolding me. (Other than my parents.)

I genuine want to cry any time it happens. I had some pretty bad experiences of that kind of thing (maybe like 3-4 years ago?) and they happen to be some of the only clear memories I have of pandemic times cause everything kinda blurs together from that time. The clearest one and the one that affected (is that the right one?) me the most was when some of the neighborhood kids got in trouble for hurting each other from a tree in my sibling’s best friend’s yard. I was a witness, but I wasn’t paying a ton of attention to the situation. The sibling’s best friend’s mom asked me to tell my version of the story, so I did. I tried my best not to twist anything and to make it clear that I wasn’t sure about anything. Without me noticing (cause my back was turned) one of the kids mom’s (the one who had done the potential hurting) came up behind us and started yelling at me for ‘lying for no reason’ and ‘being rude’ and how ‘her kid would never do anything wrong, so if I wanted to go tell lies for fun she would go and tell my parents.’ Y’know, the kind of thing you tell semi-kids.

So from then on, I tend to have to choke back tears when not my parents scold me.

Another time (this week actually) was when I was scolded for acting my age at church. Now, I’m not a CHILD, so I see where the person was coming from. But I was also having fun with my friends. We were joking around, and one of the old people came up and scolded us. I thought I was fine till I got home and then realized that stimming in any way, even in my room, now felt childish and horrible and like I shouldn’t be doing it. (I’ve gotten over this, I’m back to normal. Ish.)

So yeah. I guess I take things too seriously? And it REALLY frustrates me. Like I can’t just let things go, can I? No, cause that’d be EASY.

Also, don’t you just hate it when you feel the urge to stim (hand flapping specifically in this case) but your muscles/wrist is in pain for no explicable reason?

#personal vent #people can be so harsh #but then again maybe I’m being too sensitive #anxiety #generalized anxiety disorder #well… maybe I’m not sensitive maybe I’m just anxious

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smallghostcorner · 1 year

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Eijiro Kirishima x afab!masc!little! with trauma

TW: "Impure" regression/ involintary regression, implied CSA, trauma, negative self talk

this is rlly self indulgent but when have i cared?(this is also specific to my trauma and experience with it)

It was... Tuesday? Or maybe it was Wednesday? You couldn't tell anymore it had all started to blur together at some point. The cabinet next you sat open as you layed on the floor spralled out on your back, you wanted to remember but you also didn't. It was a weird paradox you constantly found yourself in, wanting to know would no doubt hurt but your imposter syndrome could only be cured by knowing every detail, even if that meant never being able to love again.

"Love is such a funny thing" you thought as you looked to your right, your head hurt from laying on the hard tile in the kitchen but it was also grounding.

"People love to hurt you then say they did it 'out of love'" the tears stung your eyes as the fuzzy memory resurfaced. Along with it came another detail you hadn't seen before.

The world felt too big and you just wanted a warm bottle and to crawl into bed to cuddle with your stuffies all night. You wanted your papa but also wanted to be alone, you felt so alone laying on the cold kitchen floor, you had come in for a snack but everything was overwhelming.

You curled in on yourself on the hard ground, everything would be okay if you just layed there and collected yourself, you just needed to find the glue to fix your broken mind.

The floodgates opened when your frontdoor opened.

"Baby! I'm home!" You papa had come home, you were so excited! But afraid you didn't want anyone around right now, what if they did the same thing? You could only sob quietly and hope he went away.

"Baby what's wrong?" He found you. You didn't want him to find you, it seemed like he didn't like you anymore, you felt like such a burden.

"If you do icky things to me will you like me again?" You asked with hope, but you didn't look in his eyes. Before when you asked this people had reasued you they wouldn't hurt you but the look in their eyes said otherwise, if someone was gonna hurt you they should at least be honest about it.

"What are you talking about pebble?" Kirishima asked and tried to put a hand on your back, you flinched but couldn't move from your ball on the floor. He took his hand away when you flinched but you couldn't tell if you wanted that or not.

Everything was too much and too big and too bright and too loud, and you didn't want to make any choices you just wanted to be okay.

"If you do the adult stuff to me will you like me again?" You asked again like it was the most normal thing in the world, this time you did make an effort to sit up. You pulled your knees to your chest and dried your tears.

"Why would I do that to you?" Kirishima asked in a gentle tone, almost as if his voice would make you shatter into a million pieces.

"Cuz that's what people want from me, they like to do gross stuff and so I let them cuz I want the people I like to be happy" it was so obvious and it always worked so why was he looking at you like that? With that look on his face like you were so fragile and broken and just needed pity, you didn't want pity you just wanted him to like you again.

"Baby I'm not going to do that to you okay?" He said and grabbed your hands, this time you let him. You wanted to belive at least for a little while that he meant it.

"Okay..." was all you said.

"Is it okay if I pick you up?" He asked.

"Okay" He picked you up and honestly you hadn't realized how tired you'd been from just laying on the floor and crying, he was carrying you into your little room.

"Why?" You thought, you were perfectly ok to sleep in the big bed with him. Maybe he didn't want you there with him? Maybe he did think you were a burden. You begane to whine agaisnt his shoulder and when he set you down in your crib you started to fully cry again.

"Shhh it's okay baby I just want to get you in some more comfy clothes okay?" He asked but it wasn't much of a question. Most had just gone ahead and changed you by now, that's when you realized it was a question. You shook your head no, you were in comfy clothes. Your comfort hoodie and some pajama pants.

"That's okay, would you like your 'Uravity' paci from autie Ochako or your 'all might' paci from uncle Deku" He held up the two options for you to point, you chose the 'red riot' one that was still sitting in the crib from this morning.

"Aww okay pebble, it's late so do you wanna cuddle with papa or do you wanna sleep in the crib here?" He asked and once again waited for a response, you made grabby hands to say you wanted cuddles.

The night ended rather peacfully, crying had tired you out and before the episode of 'Bluey' your papa had thrown on the screen you were out like a light. Your red teddy bear kept you company in the fitful night of sleep you had but you wouldn't change it for the world cuz everytime you woke up from a nightmare still regressed your papa would comfort you untill you were back to sleep.

#sfw little post #sfw littlespace #age dreaming #sfw agere #sfw age regression #agere little #age regressor #agere blog #boy agere #my hero academia agere

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hellebore-adore · 2 years

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Hellooo! Could you pls write an enemies to friends fic with Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter?? Like, sixth year, Harry finds Draco crying in the bathroom and they sorta apologise to each other and become friends? (you can ignore ofc) Thanks for sharing your writing!!

Hi anon how are you!?! I’m sorry this took forever, I actually had writing stuff to do for school and so I was done with typing for a hot minute. Heads up this is in more of a oneshot situation because I don't have the self discipline to read a whole fic, let alone write one. I may do a part two though. Anyways enjoy (hopefully) 🙂 ps this is a little different from the original scene because I have zero memory skills. And please check on your friends yall.

TW: imposter syndrome type stuff, general daddy issues, draco angst 😢, panic attacks, cursing

Draco stormed into the bathroom and straight to the mirror. He couldn’t connect the reflection with the person he was now or anybody he had ever been. Mirror Draco Malfoy got good grades, was a proud Slytherin, never cried, honored his parents, and, most importantly, honored his father by being one of the Dark Lord’s most loyal and most prized Death Eaters. But the Draco who was standing in the bathroom didn’t know if he wanted to shoulder the pressure or the moral battle anymore, or if he could ever look his father in the eye again. The Draco standing in the bathroom began to sob, finally cracking under every concern that was forced upon him. He felt too hot and like there wasn’t enough air and like the room was probably getting too small for him to fit in it anymore. Tearing off his tie and unbuttoning the top of his shirt he sat down with his back against the wall and covered his face with his hands. Draco Malfoy cried his first real tears since the bloody hippogriff from Year 3. Then he heard the door open…and silence. And then Potter spoke to him. “Malfoy? What are you doing in here?” Draco sighed. “What’s it to you, Potter?” He couldn’t stand how feeble he sounded. How exhausted and useless. Harry Potter couldn’t hear this or see this. “Why are you crying?” He walked over to where Draco sat on the floor and the two wizards stared at each other. “It doesn’t matter.” Draco stands up and turns to leave but Perfect Harry Potter grabs his arm. “I’m just tired Potter let go of me.” Then something odd happens. Draco feels himself get pulled into a hug by his nemesis. And this makes him feel all of the feelings he had just shoved down inside the deepest part of his brain. He began to cry again and hugged Harry back. After a moment, when Draco calmed down some, Harry pulled back and looked at him. “I know it can feel lonely when you’re at home or here or wherever. I get that. If you want to, maybe we can talk about it sometimes?” Draco thought about it for a second. He didn’t know why Harry was being so nice, but fuck, he wanted to to have real conversation with somebody. “What the hell. Fuck it. Sure, let's talk about it.” Harry laughed. “I knew you’d say something like that. You know what, next Hogsmeade trip we should go to the Three Broomsticks together.” Draco paused. “But everybody goes to the Three Broomsticks.” Harry smirked at Draco and said “That’s why it’ll be fun when everyone starts wondering why we’re there together. Anyways, see you in class.” He then left. Draco was astounded, but also excited. This seemed like a great plan.

#harry potter #draco malfoy #drarry #platonic drarry #platonic #enemies to friends #draco angst #malfoy angst #angst to comfort

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moorishflower · 2 years

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(Not exactly an ask - sorry a bit new to the platform still this is more a cry for help 🤣

Just came across your response re writing processes - I’ve started writing recently and have loved learning about how other people go about their writings - thanks so much for sharing yours! ❤️

I also find myself unable to read other fic at all when writing - this came as a complete surprise and you’re so right it absolutely SUCKS! I think my issues are mostly due to imposter syndrome, and thinking along the lines of “oh my goodness look at all the amazing stuff out there what’s the point of me even trying”. Thankfully I find my brain a bit more capable of rational thought while wearing the editor hat and can get some reading in once a first draft is written, but if there’s some kind of support system for writers-who-want-to-read-but-cannot please let me know 😅

Ahhh hello my friend hello! I am so glad you've started writing! It is the sweetest joy and also the most awful torment! lol

Yeah my writing process is a PROCESS for sure, but definitely not one i would recommend to anyone lol. But everyone is different! AND YES, the not being able to read and write too close together is a common problem! There is unfortunately no support group we all just suffer through it and reblog each others' fics to rec to other people and wait for the day the reading brain turns back on. XD but if I ever find a way to force the switch I will share it with EVERYONE

#ask response

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thatanimewriter · 6 months

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COULDA, SHOULDA, WOULDA, DIDN'T.

➳ synopsis: aventurine has never lost. that's what he tells people when he makes bets and in passing conversation about gambling. but every night when he lays in bed, he will always think about the day he lost you. hurt/comfort version.

➳ character/s: aventurine

➳ warnings: 2.1 spoilers, aventurine backstory spoilers, aventurine real name spoilers, death, slavery (it's not romanticised, you're safe-), mentions of torture, hurt/no comfort, aventurine with some passive suicidal ideation, mention of family, mention of marriage

➳ word count: 0.8k

➳ notes: i wrote that concept for the people and myself because i need to practice fics again ._. it's not really the best i think i could've done, but it's something. also wrote this to 'i found' by amber run so take that how you will LOL

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 / 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 / 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 / 𝐰𝐢𝐩 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

his reflection disgusts him. each time he gazes into his hideous eyes and catches a glance at the branding on his neck, a shiver runs up his spine and rage bubbles in his chest. aventurine finds himself avoiding mirrors as often as possible nowadays. sometimes when he runs his fingertips over the branding, he can still feel the searing pain and his own screams in his eardrums. when he dresses and undresses himself each morning and night, he swears he can feel the sting of knives against his once soft skin, free of lacerations that struggled to heal for months.

sometimes, he thinks he can feel your warm breath on his neck as you lay on cold concrete. truthfully, that may be the only time he's ever felt warmth; within your arms and blanketed with an unspoken oath to stay together as long as life allows.

the security underneath the duvet that covers his bed feels uncomfortable. aventurine would never admit that he suffers from a severe case of imposter syndrome when it comes to his safety on occasion. he knows he has himself and himself only to credit for his freedom and success, but when he occupies his cushy king bed night after night, he wonders if he deserves it if you're not there to share it.

he dreams of your first meeting on a regular basis. you were only kids back then, no older than 8 perhaps. he remembers the fear you and his sister felt when you were running from danger each day, never getting enough sleep in lieu of escaping. even with ragged clothes and dirt staining your skin, he thought you were perfect. the first time he saw you cry, he pulled you in for a hug. it was that day as a mere 9 year old that he realised he wanted you beside him for eternity and maybe even a little more than that. the way your head slotted under his chin like a piece to a missing puzzle gave his empty heart something to yearn for that wasn't a basic human necessity.

aventurine will never forgive himself for letting you get caught alongside him. the day he became a serial number rather than kakavasha was the first day he felt true failure as he witnessed you be stripped of the identity he had come to love so dearly.

the first time you were ever harmed has been burnt into his brain. he thinks you look gorgeous in red, but never when it's your blood that decorates your skin. your cries and howls of pain make a haunting alarm when he awakens from his slumber each morning. the brand on the back of your nape was one he found horrifically beautiful, though it served as a reminder of his failure to protect you. when he was sent on his first 'assignment', he looked back at you with an uncharacteristic determination. he'll get you out of here.

as aventurine slides his rings on over top his gloves, he scoffs to himself. you did manage to escape, but not to stand beside him. not to sleep in his arms and experience a life of luxury like you always dreamt of. the day he bought the ring he planned to propose to you with, he'd found out the organisation you were enslaved under was still under operation. he'd pulled some strings and gotten some ipc lackeys to check it out and locate you, but when they brought back your corpse, a crushing weight befell his heart.

that night, he'd spent hours sobbing and attempting cpr. he'd pinch himself to forcefully wake from this nightmare he now called reality and he'd hold your hand expecting a sliver of warmth, but it was now reminiscent of the concrete floors you would lay on.

when sunday placed a curse upon aventurine, he secretly hoped he wouldn't make the deadline. maybe then he could've seen you again. maybe then he could see you as you were meant to be. standing tall, unscarred skin and a glimmer in your eyes that he can only imagine, for he had never seen such a thing. luring out acheron in hindsight might have also been an attempt to see you again.

he never spoke about you. he never felt he had the right to do so anymore. you'd died merely days before he could come to you and he would forever drown in the guilt that he should've been faster. he would've brought you into his arms and caressed your sunken cheeks as he reassured you that you were finally free. he could've married you and had a family, treating his child the way he wished for many years ago. he should've been able to live with you in his life in peace, living each day as they pass and enjoying the little things like the sunset or trees that looked like they had faces. he would've made sure you felt valued and showed you all his love over the almost decade since he last saw you alive.

he didn't.

taglist (just taken from comments of the thought post):

@lunagalaa, @persipeoni, @lunavixia, @mostsaneptvfan, @kuureii, @shehrazadekey

if you're in bold, i couldn't tag you ;v;

#honkai star rail #hsr #aventurine #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #aventurine x reader #honkai star rail imagines #hsr imagines #aventurine imagines

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awkwardgoddesss · 9 months

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It's struggle like work hard and burn out instead of see results. It's struggle like finding it difficult to get things done. It's struggle like being unable to do the simplest of tasks cuz I get distracted by stuff, it's struggle like feeling overwhelmed and getting burnt out and mentally exhausted when I force myself to do something I don't like. It's struggle like processing information or remembering important things that could easily fuck me over if I'm careless. People say make a note, keep a reminder, but who is going to remind me to check my reminder? Who is going to remind me to shut off that constant noise in my brain that makes having a single line of thought so difficult and a straight line of communication without side tracking to be able to finish a task start to finish? It struggle to get a job and the struggle to keep myself interested in a job long enough to sustain in a world that's simply not built for someone like me.

It's the struggle to hold it together and stay afloat because getting medication for this is not easy where I live, especially when I can barely explain to the psychiatrist what my symptoms are and why I think medication might help although I know deep down why I think it might help me. I mean have you met a person with ADHD who doesn't forget or blank out when they're put on the spot?????

It's not always the quirky personality and the hyper, jumpy personality. It's the weight of letting everyone down. It's the weight of letting myself down and not being able to give myself credit for the stuff I have accomplished, nothing feels nearly enough. It's the imposter syndrome, it's the paralysis where I can't get anything done it's the doom scrolling because I'm too overwhelmed but unable to move, it's the horrible horrible person I turn into when I can't regulate my emotions and the hate I have towards myself after. It's the accountability I hold against myself even when what I really need is a safe space to break down and cry and have someone telling me, "it's okay, I know you're trying ".

It's the inability to look at myself in the mirror for days cuz showering is such a task and going to sleep is so difficult that I'm pretty sure my face is gotten uglier. Who's gonna want to look at my face anyway? (It's the need to dump all this and more on Tumblr where I don't have any followers because I need to get this off my chest but I can feel my friends and family getting sick of me talking a lot about my diagnosis so this way I don't affect anyone else)

#thoughts #adhd problems #neurodivergent #actually adhd #adhd diagnosis #adhd struggles #rsd

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mybiasisexo · 10 months

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Girl i just have so much to say so bear with me

I'm not gonna lie I love how complicated this whole story is because it surprises me every time with what they do and how it all turns out

First of all the peeps, Jongdae being so loud with his realizations made me laugh like dude was thinking out loud making everything more awkward lmao but i love him like that ❤️

baek is still the mvp, my guy, my true champ in this mess 🫶🏼🫰🏼🤘🏼 and poor nini he didn't do anything wrong he just loves his friends so much and wants them to be all together and happy 🥺

I loved the easter eggs like i thought wow jongdae still can't cook meat on a grill to save his life 😭

You're so good at conveying emotions and details, i felt the anxiety when Mel was trying to hide the marks of what happened and everyone was so nosey 😖

By the way when Mel said he took the ring i thought he took it forcibly against her wish but i didn't expect that at all, now i want to know what was Mel's reasoning behind the decision to give it back if it affected her that much to lose it 👀

Mel Mel i just want to smack her in the head, i mean chan has always been straight forward with his feelings (except for that one time he just left) and she just dived deeper into something she's still hesitant about and mislead chan into thinking she was ready to work it out smh

I love all the parallels and how they've both done similar things to each other, but their wounds are so deep that they cannot be fixed with a simple sorry, she still resents him too much to accept that she did a lot of damage too and the lack of communication just worsened the situation beyond repair 🤧

Oh and that last forehead kiss and soft thank you broke me I hope you know that 🙂

you said that it's almost over and it made me sad, what would I do without this amazing story, it's been going for so long and I've been following it since ch1 always looking forward to the new updates 😪

Anyways great chapter, I'm devastated 💔 I'm gonna go wrap myself in a blanket and cry, ily bye ❤️

Yay let’s go essay!!! 👏🏾👏🏾🥰

I was hesitant to post this chapter bc I was nervous about backlash. I knew it was gonna upset ppl but was scared folks were gonna drop it 😭. But seeing this fills me with relief 😮‍💨

Jongdae was a mess this whole chapter, I blame it on the weather 😂 and one thing he shouldn’t ever be is behind a grill lmao. Bbh is THE voice of reason but idt anyone is actually listening tho 😬. And nini is such a poor baby. The couple was really couple-ing when it came to bullying him 😭

I love getting compliments about my writing!!!! Esp this one, it’s such a high honor and helps with the imposter syndrome 😭🙌🏾

The drama with the ring oh boy. All imma say is they def have different stories on what went down that day and we haven’t even began to get into it 🙃

Mel needs a good shaking I can agree. Chanyeol has been so patient with her ☹️. Some would say she don’t deserve him 🚶🏾‍♀️

These two react so strongly with their emotions. And the thing I like about them both is that they never seem to realize just how badly their actions hurt each other until they voice it. Then they’re like ‘oh that was bad, huh?’ 😭

Don’t worry the last kiss messed me up too 🤕

I knoooow I can’t believe it’s almost over either. But I appreciate you sticking around! And am glad I can create something you can look forward to 🥲

So sorry for breaking you. I promise it’ll get better ❤️. Well….👀

youtube

#ask #anon

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pivotbitches · 1 year

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Narrative Read 3:

Today I read my narrative and was surprised I didn’t cry. I did feel heavy with emotion and teared up a little but nothing came of it.

Notes:

It’s kind of scary how quickly I brush off the role drinking had in our relationship and my life at this point. I noticed that I didn’t even mentioned his drinking and driving, how scary and uncomfortable that was for me, how he never let me drive.

I think every time I read the part about getting brunch I think about my last in person encounter with Trey when he called me “just a fat bitch.” I know I’m overweight, and I enjoy trying new foods and just the experience of eating, especially brunch. But having someone I loved (or thought I did) say that to me after us already having a conversation about food and my eating habits, it really hurt. I have been struggling a little more lately with self image and wanting to lose weight and be healthier so that was a lot harder to read and think about than it has been in the past.

I caught myself thinking I was silly for feeling out of place at the shop in the golf course. I was thinking about beginners mind… I’m pretty sure no one feels comfortable going into a golf club their first time. Especially in the position I was in where I didn’t have my whole closet and didn’t pack clothes for golfing. Of course I had imposter syndrome, anyone would.

I forgot about the sex portion, it hurt a lot more then. I think looking back on it, it’s telling that he had cheated on me. I wish I had said my discomfort with him talking about him and a girl doing what I wanted to do after telling me no. It would’ve been uncomfortable even if I didn’t ask. I just found myself wondering if I could have done something different that he wouldn’t have cheated on my and then we’d still be together… that’s stupid. Is that bad to say about my own thought?

When I talked about feeling bad about sleeping, I was mad at my past self. I was taking care of my needs, but I felt bad about it? Wtf?! Like girly, you were drunk out of your mind, wanting to have sex on a golf course, why would you want to be with his family anyways? Was I spiraling because I wasn’t being social or because I had drank too much, or was it the fact that I let Trey push me to drink when he was supposed to be letting up on the alcohol?

“I was trying to be quiet so no one could hear me.” - I WANT TO HUG HER AND CRY FOR HER SO BAD

Brittany and Logan’s names get me every time, it’s taboo. How can I fix the trauma there? Make a narrative for everyday of that month? Sometimes I wish I could just call Brittany and ask for a doover and tell her everything that happened and how I wish things were different.

I think the most confusing part about Trey was that I know he took antidepressants, but he acted like my depression made no sense. I think my emotions are mixed about the choking. It was so unexpected that it’s almost humorous. I think he really was trying to help and thought it would go differently. At the time I did and didn’t want him to do it (I am now noticing it’s hard for me to say choke me to death or strangle lol). I felt both relief and despair/dread about him letting go. Relief that I was alive still, and that he now knew about the battle in my head. Despair because I still had to live with hating myself and never feeling happy anymore and dread of having a whole life of depression and unhappiness and constantly not knowing if today was the day my intrusive thoughts won.

That’s all for today. I’m proud of myself for reading it and taking the time to dig into my thoughts.

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radexchangeprogram · 2 years

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Can I request for some angsty headcanons? Fluff ending?? Confronting their s/o when they're mentally unstable but they are not aware of it???

Also please make it gender-neutral!

*crawls out of my hole* Hello it’s been a while :’) I didn’t want to make another “Omg I swear I’ll post guys!!!” post because I’ve made so many. Every time I thought I had motivation to write, my brain was like “lol nope”. I also have just had a lot going on in my life in general that I don’t wish to get into on here.

Anyways here you go! I decided to go with imposter syndrome as being the main culprit behind the mental health moment (definitely not self projecting nooooo) but feel free to interpret it in anyways that resonates with you :’) I just did the brothers because I didn’t want to push myself too hard!

Edit: Fixed a few grammar mistakes, I probably missed a few but meh

Comforting S/O Going Through a Mental Health Crisis (The Brothers)

Tw: negative self thoughts

Preface

Even before coming to the Devildom, you’ve struggled with mental health. You had good days and bad days, but today was a particularly bad day.

Lucifer

He called you into his office after you had skipped class that day.

While he may let you get off lighter than his brothers, you are still not immune from his lectures.

He didn’t even get a chance to start his usual speech when he noticed your puffy eyes.

He cupped your face with one of his gloves hands and asked you what was wrong.

You couldn’t hold back the tears anymore as you sobbed about how you didn’t feel good enough for the program, how you shouldn’t even have your pacts in the first place, how you didn’t even feel good enough to be his partner.

As you continued to regurgitate all of these horrible thoughts and feelings you had, you suddenly stopped when he pulled you into a tight hug.

At some point, he had shifted into his more demonic form, wrapping the two of you in his onyx wings. It was something he had done more frequently in the Celestial Realm when his brothers got upset as children. He remembers them saying it helped them feel safe.

“MC… You deserve everything you have and more. You helped all of us when we were broken and believed to be beyond repair.” He placed a kiss to your forehead, “Please allow us to be here for you as well.”

Will help you get a therapist or any other kind of professional who you feel you would have the best results with. He loves you so much.

Mammon

He ran into your room without knocking like always. He just HAD to tell you about the bet he just won!

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw your trembling form under the blankets, very clearly having been crying just moments before.

A lot of people forget that Mammon was the glue that held his family together after the fall, remaining calm and even helping Lucifer during his moments of fear and doubt. He’s a lot more emotionally intelligent than people give him credit for, there’s a reason he’s the only brother who has yet to resort to flashing his demon form in rage.

He gently helped you sit up and asked what was wrong, concern very visible in his eyes.

You explained to him your feelings of inadequacy, of how you felt you didn’t deserve any of your accomplishments or to even be in the program.

He asked if someone had said something to you, perhaps a lower demon making a comment towards you.

If you confirm that someone did, he will absolutely remind that demon why you shouldn’t fuck with the partner of the second ruler of hell after he makes sure you’re ok.

If not, he will remain calm and ask you how long you have felt this way. As you speak, he pulls you closer into his arms and softly plays with your hair, leaving the occasional kiss on the crown of your head.

If you allow it, he will do anything to help you get treatment. You’re probably the only one he’s willing to take a bit out of his hoard for (you can’t tell me he doesn’t have a hoard full of some of the most expensive and valuable things in the three worlds, come on. The royal family is probably the only one who has more than him.)

He will never let you forget your value again. He loves you so much.

Leviathan

You two were having a gaming session like usual, cuddled up on his couch while trying out a new rpg.

It was single player, so you were mostly just watching Levi while he rambled about strategies and such.

He eventually noticed you had completely stopped talking and got really worried. Dude has the worst anxiety.

And this anxiety only increases when he sees you trying really hard to fight tears while you dig your fingers into one of the cushions on his couch.

“MC? W-what’s wrong? Did something happen in the game? It’s not that good of a game anyways, we can turn it off!” He offers an awkward, nervous smile in an attempt to reassure you. He has no idea what’s going on and it’s terrifying to him.

When you explain how you have been struggling to feel good enough in general lately, he is floored. Was it because he called you a normie?! Those were all jokes! God he’s such a horrible boyfriend-

When you told him that you couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was, he started to understand more. It was kinda like his envy in a way, just a constant feeling of not being enough. While he knew what you were feeling wasn’t envy, he understood not being able to control self deprecating thoughts.

A bit more confidently than usual, he held both your hands. Telling you that he loved you and that even if you don’t feel good enough, you are good enough. His face was red the entire time, but he knew it was something you needed to hear.

After you calm down a bit, he’ll look into helping you get help. He suggested Telehealth as an option since then you wouldn’t have to constantly be drained going between worlds for treatment. However, if you prefer in person, he will be just as supportive.

Satan

He decided to go to the school library during his off period, as usual. It sucked that the two of you had different off periods, but what can you do?

So he was shocked to see you in the tucked away spot the two of you had claimed as your own in the library.

You were curled into yourself in your chair, trying to steady your breathing. He instantly knew something was horribly wrong.

He softly asked if you were okay, to which you simply shook your head. You weren’t going to talk here and that was okay. He grabbed your hand and guided you out of a less used exit of the library and took you straight home. He didn’t care about skipping class, Lucifer can cope.

Once he had you in his room and seated on one of his comfy reader chairs, he asked you what was going on.

He could feel his anger growing as you spoke about feeling small, feeling that maybe you took an exchange program opportunity away from someone who deserved it more, and how maybe you should give up and go home.

He asked if someone had said something, immediately thinking of all the fun torture methods he would be using on them if they did. If you say yes, they will never see the light of day again.

If you say no and that you don’t know why you feel this way, then he will try to think of ways to help you. He personally used his feelings of inadequacy to push him to constantly read and research, so he understands the struggle.

However when he sees the look of defeat and feelings of failure in your eyes, he knows this isn’t something he can’t simply research a potion for.

He softly rubs your hands with his thumbs as he tells you that if it weren’t for you, he and his family would be just as bitter as they were for thousands of years. In a few months, you accomplished more than many sorcerers had in a lifetime.

“MC, none of us would have stuck around you if you were ‘pathetic’. I have lived for thousands of years, met thousands of beings from different realms, but I cannot think of a single one I’d rather be with than you. You are the most incredible thing in my life. What can I do to help you feel the same way about yourself that I feel about you?”

He recommends getting therapy, assuring you that he will be there every step of the way and that he loves you so much. If you do not wish to seek therapy, he will be supportive and understanding. But he will do everything he can to help you feel better.

Asmodeus

He was getting really worried when you ignored his texts all day. Usually when you stayed home sick, you would still next him during class while he told you about all the gossip going on for the day.

When he got home, he didn’t even put his bag up before knocking on your door, “Hon? Are you ok? I’m coming in.”

He noticed you curled up under your blanket, very clearly trying to pretend to be asleep. Something was definitely wrong.

“MC? Sweetie? What’s going on?” He pulled the covers up and refused to listen to your protests when you wanted to go back under them to hide. He placed a hand to your forehead, you felt completely normal.

“Why did you fake being sick? I’m not gonna tell Lucifer, but please tell me what happened? Was it Belial? Did that bitch post something? If she did-“

You stopped his rant by suddenly grabbing onto him and sobbing into his school coat. He was shocked. He had never seen you like this before and it made his worry only grow.

He shushed you and wrapped his arms around you, his hand rubbing your back soothingly.

When you told him about how you felt you didn’t deserve to be in the program, to have pacts, or to even be his partner, he stopped you.

“Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you dare say that, MC!” Tears began to prick his eyes too, it was so much learning that the light of his life felt that they deserved nothing. “You-you’ve done so much for everyone! For me! I love you! We all do!” He held you tighter as some of his tears fell into your hair.

As you held each other, Asmo continued to tell you how he adored you, how beautiful you were, and more between his sobs. He never could have imagined you felt this way and he wish he had known sooner.

After the two of you calmed down, he took you to his room where he drew a bath. While you relaxed in the suds, the two of you spoke about where to go from here.

If you want therapy, he would get you it. If you need him to support you in another way, he would do it without hesitation. He would make sure you felt just as beautiful as you are, inside and out.

Beelzebub

He had just gotten home from practice and was looking forward to enjoying a nice after practice snack with his S/O.

He carried two massive bags of food and went to your room, a pit forming in his stomach when he smelt salt that could only be from tears.

He opened your door and peeked his head in, immediately rushing towards you when he confirmed his suspension that you were crying.

He dropped the bags on the floor and scooped you into his arms. He didn’t even sit down as his eyes scanned over your form, looking to see if you were hurt. It was something he instinctually did when he loved ones cried, truth be told.

“MC? What happened?” You tried to bite your tongue, you didn’t want to burden him with these feelings. It was stupid, it would make you look even dumber than you already were-

“Love bug?” The dam broke the second he used that nickname. You told him all your feelings, about how you felt so stupid in class when something didn’t come naturally to you, how you knew there were people who were so much better than you who deserved to be here, and all the horrible thoughts you had about how you wanted to vanish into thin air.

He hated this. He hated seeing you like this. It reminded him of the pain his family dealt with during the fall. But this time, he would protect you. He would make sure you felt the same love and support you gave him and his family while their emotions were in turmoil.

He doesn’t speak much, just holding your head against his chest as you listen to his steady heartbeat with the occasional affirmation that your self deprecating thoughts weren’t true.

Once you had calmed down, he reached down to grab the previously discarded bags, giving you the snack he had bought you.

“…I don’t like to share food. I don’t like to share much of anything. But it feels right to share with you.” While you ate, you noticed he didn’t even pick up a snack for himself, “You’re a very special person.” It was only after you assured him you couldn’t eat anymore that he began eating himself.

Beel would likely ask Belphie for some advice on how to help with human emotions. When he heard about the concept of therapy, he suggested it to you. Wether you decide to get therapy or would prefer some other means of support, he will be there the whole time.

Belphegor

He was getting a bit annoyed because he couldn’t find his favorite pillow (you) and it was time for his after school nap.

He was absolutely going to have you make this up to him with as many kisses and cuddles his bratty self wanted.

He finally went up to the attic where he saw you holding yourself and choking back tears.

His eyes widened and with speed unbefitting of the Avatar of Sloth, he ran over to you.

“MC? Are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?” He had never seen you like this before, not even when he-

Before his train of thought could continue, you wrapped your arms around him and sobbed into his shirt.

He was frozen for a minute before he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He didn’t say anything, just trying to think of what could have possibly happened.

When you began to pull back and stammer out apologies, his grip tightened. “MC please! Please tell me what happened!” He had a panicked look in his eyes. He needed to know.

Then you began to tell him about your feelings and he felt like he got punched in the gut. The fact that you felt you should be replaced by someone more deserving, about how you just were a fraud who got lucky rather than someone who worked hard for everything they had. It reminded him about how he felt about the fall. And it pained him to know you were suffering the same way.

He quietly shifted to his demonic form, his tail coming to run up and down your back as he laid you down with him. It was funny, you were calling yourself nothing special while a demon who vowed to destroy humanity was treating you like the most precious thing in the world, all because of your bravery and compassionate heart.

“Do you remember in the planetarium when I told you how I felt maybe Lilith should have survived instead?” You nodded, about to protest before he began speaking again, “You told me that I was never allowed to say that again. Well, I’m telling you you’re never allowed to say you’re not enough ever again.”

When you tried to say this was different, he smacked the back of your head lightly with his tail. He kept doing it a few times, sometimes having the fluffy part hit your face slightly, before you began to let out the laugh he loved to dearly.

He would ask if you’ve ever had therapy before or if you would be open to the idea of it. When you had joked about being the family therapist, he had actually done some research on human world therapists.

If you decide to go forward with therapy, he’ll be supportive and make sure to come with you to every appointment (though he may fall asleep in the waiting room…). If you decide against it, then he’ll do his best to make note of when you’re struggling so it never gets to the point it got to again.

You helped him feel like a whole demon again after thousands of years of bitterness and self loathing, let him help you with your struggles as well.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me mammon x reader #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me satan x reader #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me beelzebub x reader #obey me belphegor x reader #obey me Lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me Asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me x mc #obey me imagine

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