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the-scandalorian · 3 years

Text

Tempered Glass: Chapter 1

Pairing: Din Djarin x Female Reader (no use of Y/N) Rating: M (will become explicit in later chapters) Word Count: 5.5k Warnings: slow burn, canon-typical violence, cursing, sexy thoughts, pining, non-graphic description of wounds Summary: With the ghosts of your own mysterious past close on your heels, you can’t afford to get in the middle of someone else’s fight; however, attraction drives you to make a reckless decision, and you end up swept up in the Mandalorian’s story. Notes: (1) Reader is bisexual. It will probably only come up peripherally, but I wanted to make a note of that. (2) I did my best to keep physical descriptions of the reader out of my writing, but please let me know if something slipped in that isn’t as inclusive as it could be!

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Image from The Art of Star Wars: The Mandalorian

You felt the weight of the Mandalorian’s gaze before you saw him.

Sitting in the cantina on Nevarro, you were alone in a corner booth—a seat close to the back exit that had a clear view of the front door.

You were halfway through your drink when the hairs on the back of your neck prickled, and you had the overwhelming feeling that you were being watched.

You scanned the cantina and, in your periphery, registered the Mandalorian’s head snap back from your direction to face the man sitting across from him. You hadn’t noticed him enter, but it must have been just moments ago because you surveyed your surroundings every few minutes.

The two men were seated a few tables away. You observed the Mandalorian for a moment, noting his stiff-backed posture and the tension in his shoulders under his battle-worn armor. He could tell you’d caught him staring and that you were watching him.

The man sitting across from the Mandalorian was gesticulating as he spoke. You’d been on Nevarro long enough to recognize him as Greef Karga, local leader of the Guild. You could only see his back, but he was boisterous—a stark contrast to the Mandalorian’s silent stillness—and his voice carried.

Karga was saying something about bounties and currency—no surprise there. Mandalorians were the most feared bounty hunters in the galaxy. You didn’t know much about them besides the legends you’d heard as a child, though it was very unclear what was true and what was myth. You’d only ever seen one in person before, and that Mandalorian had been terrifying, threatening.

This Mandalorian, however, was... intriguing? He was, of course, intimidating—in his head-to-toe armor with a long rifle leaned against the table, he was the very picture of a warrior. Any person with sense would be scared of him, and judging by the sidelong glances he was getting from the other patrons, most were.

The very relatable experience of having someone catch you in the act of watching them—as you’d just done to him—however, humanized this Mandalorian. Noting his broad shoulders, you couldn’t help wondering what he looked like under all that heavy metal. You’d heard rumors that some Mandalorians never took off their armor in front of another person. That would be a real shame.

Though you’d have preferred to continue thinking about the man under the armor (and the things you wanted to do with him), a small voice in your head reminded you of the potentially dangerous reality of your situation.

Why was he watching me? He can’t possibly recognize me.

No one had come after you in years. There was likely still a steep bounty on your head, but many of the people who wanted to find you were dead, imprisoned, or deep in hiding. Some were convinced you’d been taken out in a star cruiser explosion (because you almost had been). And, you no longer looked like the photo that was attached to your bounty puck. Your hair was a radically different shade and length. You wore contacts to obscure the real color of your eyes. You always chose high-necked clothing to conceal the identifying scar that slashed an angry line beneath your clavicle.

You kept a low profile, moved often, and assumed a fake identity, but you felt safe enough in your anonymity to come to a planet like Nevarro, a place that was swarming with hunters.

Plus, you reasoned that if the Mandalorian was looking for you for a job, this is probably not how it would have happened. It would have been stealthy and quick, potentially bloody and violent.

No, you didn’t think he was looking for you, which meant he had been looking at you. Out of interest. And that was so, so much better.

You turned your body towards him pointedly to make it more obvious that you were watching him. The slight forward lean of his shoulders told you he registered your movement in his periphery. His helmet stayed trained on Karga, but it was impossible to know exactly where he was looking through the black t-shape of his visor. You would have bet he was looking back at you.

The Mandalorian responded to Karga, pushing some credits back across the table. You could hear the low undercurrent of his modulated voice, but you couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. It looked like they were arguing about the currency of the credits on the table.

As Karga dug in his pocket for something, the Mandalorian turned his helmet slowly back towards you. Throwing caution to the wind, you smiled at him and winked, and he dipped his head in acknowledgement. You watched him expectantly, figuring this was when he’d walk over to your table.

Instead, he turned his head back to Karga, responded to something he said, and grabbed the credits off the table. They were clearly finishing up their deal. The Mandalorian slid out of the booth and strapped the long rifle to his back. He started toward the front door.

Maybe you’d read the whole situation wrong. Like you, he was trained to be aware of everyone, everything around him. Perhaps, he’d just been surveying the cantina, not necessarily you.

Feeling slightly disappointed, you finished your drink, dropped some credits on the table, and got up to leave. You were pulling on your jacket when a familiar feeling made you flick your head up. The Mandalorian was standing at the front of the cantina, his dark silhouette framed in the light of the open doorway, visor trained on you.

From where he was standing, he looked you up and down, lowering and raising his helmet to survey your body from top to bottom and back up again—a gesture that could have easily been achieved without moving his entire head in such an obvious way. His penetrating gaze and brazen attention made you shiver.

He waited to see what you would do.

You were tempted to go to him, to see what would happen, but the stubborn part of you wanted him to come to you—and, more importantly, the sensible part of you was worried this was somehow a trap. You made an impulsive choice and decided to prolong the chase...whether that chase would prove to be literal or figurative, you weren’t totally sure.

You smiled slyly at him and turned, slipping out the back door.

***

The second time you crossed paths with the Mandalorian, you saw him before he saw you.

You were walking down Nevarro’s main thoroughfare, a busy street lined with vendors, pushing through the crowd, when you spotted the back of his reflective helmet. A couple weeks had passed since you had seen him in the cantina, and you’d been hoping to see him again, always keeping an eye out for his distinctive profile.

These past two weeks, you’d found your thoughts straying to his image—strong, mysterious, intimidating. He was sexy. There was no getting around it. You’d spent enough time around people in masks and full-body armor to know that it wasn’t just the mystery of the helmet that attracted you to him. There was something about him you couldn’t shake.

It didn’t help that you were bored and lonely here on Nevarro. It was not your favorite planet. It was dry and hot, the surface a mosaic of cracked flows of hardened lava and loose tephra—unwelcoming terrain. It was volcanically active, too, steam pouring from fractures in the hard, black ground. A river of molten lava ran under the city itself. Who would choose to live here?

For you, Nevarro was no more than a stopover—a place to stay for a few months before moving on to the next planet. You could leave any time, easily book passage to a bigger city on a prettier planet, but that shameless part of you that imagined the Mandalorian fucking you in his full armor was bold enough to convince yourself to stick around for a little longer and see if you could run into him again. Why not?

You’d been running for years, denying yourself comfort, companionship, consistency. Couldn’t you indulge just this once?

You had no reason to think the Mandalorian had thought of you for one second after seeing you in the cantina, but you let yourself hope. He didn’t hide the way he looked at you, and he hadn’t pursued you as a quarry when you left the cantina (and what a relief that was), so that meant...he’d flirted with you...right? That was probably how a Mandalorian flirted? Maybe you were stuck in his head the way he was stuck in yours? A girl could dream.

You watched his helmet disappear and reappear as you both weaved through the throngs of people. The Mandalorian had a purposeful gait and an immediate effect on everyone around him: the crowd parted for him as people avoided his path and his gaze. No one wanted to be noticed by a Mandalorian.

Well, almost no one.

The Mandalorian clearly relied on his menacing appearance and the notorious lore associated with his armor to ensure that he was left alone. You, on the other hand, depended on stealth and the ability to disappear in a swarm of people to stay hidden. This meant that while the crowd parted easily for him, you struggled to wend your way through it.

He turned down a side street.

The fact that he’d hounded your thoughts since you first saw him spurred you into recklessness, and you followed. As you turned down the same side street, you saw the edge of his cape disappear into an alley. The further away you moved from the main street, the more you began to question yourself.

This is potentially a bad idea.

This is definitely a bad idea.

Your existence hinged on your ability to stay lost, to be anonymous, to change your appearance, to never be sought out. And here you were, seeking out a bounty hunter.

You’d been slipping into a dangerous false sense of security these past few months—spending more time in each place, neglecting to change your chaincode as often as you should. Just because no one had come for you in a couple years, didn’t mean you were safe. You needed to snap yourself out of this delusional thinking.

But maybe... not yet?

You picked up your pace.

It was just the two of you in a long alleyway, and you were sure he could sense you behind him by the slight turn of his head, but he didn’t stop or turn around. You weren’t being stealthy, only a few long strides behind him. He had to know you were there.

He walked surprisingly quietly, considering his heavy armor and determined stride. The loudest sound he made was his cape whipping around his calves. His long rifle was strapped to his back, and he was carrying a camtono in his left hand.

He quickly slipped down another shadowy passageway that you hadn’t noticed. You turned to follow, about to say something, but the passage was deserted. You walked to the end and back, checking to see if he’d turned again, but there was no trace of him. No doorways led off the passage. The only things in the alley were a stack of abandoned wooden pallets and a grate that emitted hot steam. He must have given you the slip on purpose, taken some secret route to evade the stranger on his tail.

Understandable. It’s what you would have done too. I probably should have come up with a better plan than just pursuing him.

Well, fuck.

You were more disappointed than you cared to admit, but you turned and headed back to the apartment you were renting a few blocks away. You were slightly embarrassed by how impulsive you’d just been. You wouldn’t have felt so abashed if it had paid off, but it hadn’t.

You’d overstayed your time on Nevarro. Your self-imposed limit was two months per location, and you’d been here two and a half. You couldn’t push it any more, especially for such a ridiculous reason. It was time to go.

***

The third time you encountered the Mandalorian, neither of you saw the other coming.

You packed up your things, fitting everything you needed in one backpack. You purchased more food and let the hours of the afternoon drag on, waiting for the sun to sink low in the sky before heading out.

When it was evening, you slipped your blaster into the holster at the small of your back. You slid a vibroblade into the sheath at your hip and strapped a much smaller one to your calf where it was concealed under your pants. As you slung your bag over your shoulder and scanned your small space to make sure you hadn’t forgotten anything, noise erupted outside—an explosion, not far away.

There were enough ex-Imperials and bounty hunters on Nevarro that street fights and loud commotions were commonplace. You slipped out your front door, figuring you could avoid the action by slinking through the alleyways. You knew the layout of the city fairly well by now.

You crept through the dim streets. You guessed that the fighting was a couple blocks to your left based on the muffled sounds of intermittent blaster fire. You made your way toward the cantina where you knew a few regulars who would have transpo connections, but you only made it a couple blocks from your apartment before you ran into trouble.

Suddenly, shouts echoed down the street behind you. You made a hasty left turn, looking back to see if anyone was following as you broke into a run. With your head turned, you didn’t see the Mandalorian backing his way down the street toward you. You collided painfully with his back and crumpled to the ground next to him. He, mostly unfazed, made a grunting sound and snapped his head to the side to see who’d hit him. He kept his body and his blaster trained forward at two shadowy figures that were stalking towards him, but he pointed his left vambrace down at you, prepared to neutralize you if needed.

He cocked his head at you as if trying to assess whether or not you were a threat. Before you could think of anything to say, blaster fire screamed down the alley toward both of you. You grabbed your own blaster and sprang to your feet.

Noting the way you trained your blaster away from him, the Mandalorian redirected his attention back to the oncoming assailants. As more blaster fire streaked toward you, he jumped in front of you to shield your body with his and fired back down the alley.

I guess he decided I’m not a threat.

The figures drew nearer—one, a hulking man, and the other, a wiry woman with blue hair... both bounty hunters. They slunk around stray crates and garbage bins, making it difficult for either of you to land a direct hit.

The Mandalorian’s beskar armor lived up to the crazy stories you’d heard. Blaster fire pinged off of it without leaving a mark. Standing so close behind him, you noticed that his armor was different than what he’d worn just earlier that day. His old armor, painted a rusty reddish-brown, had been mismatched and battered. This was new, pristine, unpainted—a stunning reflective silver.

It was the same Mandalorian though. That you were sure of.

You kept most of your body behind his protective stance, just peaking your head and arm out periodically to take a shot. You leaned around him again to fire, and you hit the woman in the thigh while she was momentarily exposed. She grunted in pain and paused her advance.

You ducked back behind the Mandalorian. You were surprised and confused by the way the he was treating you like a partner, protecting you instinctually. You hadn’t exchanged so much as a word yet.

Weren’t Mandalorians supposed to be merciless, violent bounty hunters? Why was he trusting you? For that matter, why were you trusting him? It sounded absurd to think that he just felt trustworthy.

The next time you poked your head out, you noticed that the man had stopped shooting and was watching you intently from where he was hiding behind a stack of boxes. He made eye contact with you and held it, and you saw recognition dawn on his face. He pointed at you, turning to the woman to yell something in a language you didn’t recognize, and then charged forward, blaster drawn. His mouth formed your name, your real name, as he thundered towards you. You froze where you stood, partially exposed.

Fuck. He recognized me so easily. How?

Hot blaster fire zinged past your ear. The Mandalorian lurched forward and fell to one knee in a controlled movement as fire erupted from his vambrace. His quick thinking snapped you out of your panic, but your heart thundered as you processed how close you’d come to getting shot.

As the man’s clothes caught fire and he began to flail in panic, you came back to your senses and shot him in the chest.

The female bounty hunter, who was still several paces behind the man, disappeared down an alley behind her, just as you resumed shooting in her direction.

It won’t be long before word spreads that I’m alive on Nevarro. FUCK.

The footfalls of the woman faded quickly, and you knew she was too far ahead to catch.

You and the Mandalorian were left alone in the alley. Things were quiet for a moment.

You turned to look at each other. It was then that you noticed the bundle tucked tightly in the crook of his right arm, the same arm that held his blaster. He shuffled the bundle to his left arm carefully... tenderly?

He tilted his helmet slightly, starting to say something just as you did the same. Before either of you could form a sentence, several more figures rounded the corner behind you.

“Come on,” you yelled, grabbing his arm to drag him forward. For the moment, the two of you were in this together. It was better than being caught in this fray alone. You figured you’d be able to slip away from the action soon enough.

As you ran through the streets, you both noted the echoing footsteps picking up behind you at each juncture. More and more people—bounty hunters—were joining the pursuit. It seemed like every bounty hunter in Nevarro was being drawn to the Mandalorian.

What did he do to bring this much heat down on himself? I need to lose him.

You considered turning down every street or alley you passed, but at least one hunter blocked each one. Every doorway was shut tight. The hunters were right on your heels. You kept running, the Mandalorian pounding along behind you, until you reached the main street, emerging near the archway that marked the entrance to town. Beyond the archway, the flat expanse of Nevarro stretched out before you; a silver ship, not far ahead, was the only thing that broke up the uniform landscape.

You both stopped abruptly in the middle of the street, as at least twenty bounty hunters closed in around you, each with a blinking fob in their hand. You were trapped. The pinging chorus of the fobs was enough to rip you back to a not-so-distant time when that sound was a constant refrain in your nightmares. But even at the height of the Empire’s search for you, you’d never had this many people on your tail.

Up until this moment, you hadn’t been too worried about making a getaway. You knew you would get out of this. You’d been in worse situations. But now? Blood rushed in your ears, and your adrenaline spiked. You were cornered, outnumbered, and somehow in the middle of a fight that had nothing to do with you. You were surrounded by bounty hunters, and one had already recognized you. You’d spent years disappearing and here you were, back in the thick of it because you turned down the wrong alley at the wrong time.

You glanced at the Mandalorian and tried to formulate an escape plan—or at least a way put some distance between you and him.

He surveyed the scene, seemingly calm in his blank mask of beskar, and began to walk towards the archway, as even more bounty hunters appeared. Not having come up with any better alternatives yet, you followed him.

The Mandalorian stopped short when Greef Karga sauntered out from the shadows to block your path forward through the archway.

“Welcome back, Mando!” Karga’s voice, the voice that had seemed jovial in the cantina weeks ago, sounded threatening as it rang through the street. “Now, put the package down.” He rested a hand on his hip, pushing back his cape to expose his blaster.

The bundle must be valuable. You wondered briefly what the Mandalorian had wrapped so carefully under his arm. A rare material like kyber? Something unstable like rhydonium? A set of holodisks with important intel?

The Mandalorian mirrored Karga’s movement, hovering his hand over his own blaster. “Step aside. I’m going to my ship,” he replied calmly. He sounded awfully certain considering the circumstances. Your eyes flicked back to the silver ship, an old Razor Crest, that sat just beyond the archway.

Karga chuckled. “You put the bounty down and perhaps I’ll let you pass.”

“The kid’s coming with me.”

KID?

“If you truly care about the kid, then you’ll put it on the speeder,” Karga said, pointing to a speeder parked in front of the building on your right, where a droid sat in the pilot’s seat. The droid let out a series of cheerful beeps, indicating its readiness.

“How do I know I can trust you?” asked the Mandalorian.

How did he know he could trust me? This guy seems to play fast and loose with trust.

Karga scoffed, “Because I’m your only hope.”

Shit.

Any second, this fight was going to turn into an every-person-for-themself situation. You and the Mandalorian had helped each other thus far because it had been convenient, but now that you were trapped, you knew this precarious alliance you’d formed out of necessity was about to fracture. You hadn’t missed the way he said I and me, not we and us. You weren’t part of his equation, and you couldn’t blame him—of course, you were also going to prioritize your own safety over that of a literal stranger.

You surveyed the street, looking for the least obstructed escape route. You hoped you could run fast enough once this tense moment passed and the fight started in earnest.

The Mandalorian stepped back into you suddenly, taking the opportunity to whisper urgently, “Jump in when I say go.”

You were stunned—so stunned that you followed him without thinking as he walked over to the speeder.

For the first time, the Mandalorian looked down at the bundle in his arms. You gasped when you saw that it was in fact a sleeping child—a tiny green infant. He took a moment to watch the baby before glancing at you briefly. He looked back down at the child and without any warning, he breathed, “NOW.”

You dove head first onto the speeder as he raised his blaster and shot a hunter who was right behind where you had just been standing. From the outside, you imagined that it looked like the two of you were partners—the way you moved together, coordinated and seamless.

You scrambled back and pushed crates out of the way, staying down on your stomach, as the Mandalorian flung himself over the side of the speeder and landed next to you. Blaster fire screeched all around you as the hunters reacted in unison.

You both stayed prone on the floor of the speeder, reaching only your blasters up to return the fire that was raining down on you. The Mandalorian rolled over to carefully place the kid down before yelling at the droid at the front of the speeder.

“DRIVE!”

When the droid shook its head in refusal, the Mandalorian demanded again, holding up his blaster threateningly. The droid acquiesced, and the speeder lurched forward. You grabbed the child and hugged them to your chest as the crates shifted around you.

You made it almost all the way to the archway—you and the Mandalorian taking out several of the bounty hunters as you went—before someone had the sense to shoot the pilot droid. The speeder crashed to a halt in a rain of sparks. Fire ceased and a tense quiet fell.

The Mandalorian edged toward you on his elbows. You could hear the bounty hunters closing in around you, the crunch of their boots ominous. You curled your body protectively over the child.

“Fuck,” you whispered. “What now?” You looked into the black t of his visor, wishing you could see his eyes.

He nodded as if that was a sufficient answer to your question and worked his way toward the edge of the speeder. Slowly, silently, he pulled his long rifle from his side and eased it between two crates, pointing it at a hunter on the roof of the closest building. You heard the sound of the rifle powering up and its screeching discharge as it vaporized the hunter. And then another. And another. The Mandalorian’s reload was lightening fast. You took the chance during the ensuing chaos to scoot to the edge of the speeder and take aim at a hunter with your blaster. The remaining hunters scurried away, taking shelter behind walls, doorways, whatever they could find.

The Mandalorian paused, and for a tense moment, nothing happened. The threat of the Amban Rifle was enough to create another temporary ceasefire.

“That’s one impressive weapon,” bellowed Karga. You couldn’t see him from where you lay.

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna walk to my ship with the kid, and you’re gonna let that happen,” the Mandalorian stated authoritatively.

We.

“No, how about this? We take the kid, and if you try and stop us, we kill you both and then strip your body for parts,” Karga spat back.

You could feel the hunters starting to come out of hiding all around you. The subtle rasp of tephra under foot gave them away again. You looked behind you and saw that one hooded hunter was edging closer to the speeder. The Mandalorian had his back to the hunter, as he faced Karga. You trained your blaster on the approaching hunter, ready to fire. Before you could pull the trigger, the Mandalorian kicked the canister at his feet, knocking the hunter over, and sat up to stun him with the rifle.

Apparently, he had been aware of the man the whole time. His peripheral vision must be largely obstructed in his helmet. How is he so acutely aware of everything around him?

Everyone opened fire once again.

Over the sound of blaster fire, you heard Karga yell, “Don’t hit the target!”

The Mandalorian rose to his knees, leaned over some crates, and activated his vambrace so a sudden burst of flames cleared out the hunters that were closest to the speeder. You took out two more with your blaster while they were distracted by the flames.

The Mandalorian grunted in frustration as the fire streaming from his wrist sputtered out. Then, he grunted and doubled over in pain when blaster fire hit him in the side, where he wasn’t protected by his armor.

He clutched his side and ducked back down to crawl his way over to you, gently pulling on your arm until you released the child, so he could look at their face. The child cooed and opened two huge, watery eyes.

You looked away, feeling like you were encroaching on a private moment.

Is this his kid? Who is after a child? What is the story here?

You leaned away and fired several more shots, injuring another hunter.

Then you heard it. A streaming projectile took out one of the hunters on a nearby roof. As the hunter screamed and fell to the ground, several figures in Mandalorian armor, powered by jetpacks with blasters in hand, rose up from behind the row of buildings lining the street. There had to be at least a dozen of them—maybe more. It was hard to tell in the chaos. They seemed to be everywhere. They took out hunter after hunter as they slowly lowered themselves to the ground and sparks rained down around you.

You both sat up to watch.

A particularly huge Mandalorian in blue armor with a large repeating blaster touched down next to the speeder and bellowed, “Get out of here! We’ll hold them off!”

“You’re going to have to relocate the covert,” responded the Mandalorian, raising his voice to be heard over the din.

“This is the way,” replied the huge blue Mandalorian, as he continued to fire at the bounty hunters.

“This is the way,” agreed the Mandalorian next to you.

In one fluid movement, he strapped his rifle to his back. You sheathed your blaster as he thrust the kid back into your arms, and he grabbed your free hand, hauling you to your feet as he stood. You jumped from the speeder together. He pulled you along behind him, continuing to shield your body with his as much as possible. The juxtaposition of the way he held your hand and how he was brutally taking out hunter after hunter with his blaster was jarring.

A blaster shot grazed your thigh as you ran, and you swore at the stinging pain, doubling over slightly without loosening your grip on the child. The Mandalorian turned his head but didn’t stop pulling you forward. You faltered for a moment but gritted your teeth and sped up to sprint behind him, leaving the chaos in your wake as you crossed under the archway. You made it the short distance to his ship, where the ramp was already lowered.

You followed him up the ramp. He shoved his blaster into the holster on his belt and started forward into the ship.

The idea of being trapped with this strange Mandalorian was absurd, but you didn’t have much of a choice. If you stayed on Nevarro, the remaining bounty hunters would tear the city apart to find you. This was the fastest way to get off world: a calculated risk.

You sensed movement behind you before you heard Karga’s voice.

“Hold it, Mando.”

You both spun around to face him. Karga had a blaster trained on you and the kid in your arms.

“I didn’t want it to come to this. But then you broke the code,” he spat.

The Mandalorian was silent as he assessed his options. Silent was clearly his default state. He was used to hiding behind the intimidating mask of his armor.

You were trying to guess how good Karga’s reflexes were and if you could grab your blaster from where you’d resheathed it at your back fast enough. As you thought it out, the Mandalorian tipped his head subtly to his left at what looked like a carbonite chamber. Before you or Karga could register his plan, he shot a metal cord from his vambrace, hitting the button to activate the chamber and filling the hull with freezing mist.

In the gloom, the Mandalorian grabbed you roughly and pushed you out of the way. Karga shot blindly. You whipped out your blaster and fired back, knowing exactly where he had been standing. You heard him grunt and fall backwards off the ship with a thud.

The Mandalorian made quick work of shutting the ramp, deactivating the hissing carbonite chamber, and initiating the takeoff protocol from a control panel on the wall.

You slumped onto a nearby crate, exhausted, as the ship lifted off the ground. You let your backpack slide off your shoulders onto the floor next to you. Still holding the baby to your chest protectively, you loosened your arms to study their sweet sleeping face.

His face? Her face? Who is this child?

Wordlessly, the Mandalorian stomped forward and snatched the kid from your arms. You looked up in surprise as he disappeared up the ladder next to you. He was gone for a few moments before the ship jolted as it left Nevarro’s atmosphere and jumped into hyperspace.

You rested your head on the cool wall behind you, trying to catch your breath. You let your eyelids slip shut for a minute—until you opened your eyes at the loud thud of the Mandalorian jumping back down into the hull, ignoring the ladder all together. He walked purposefully towards what looked like a storage bay, set the sleeping child down inside, and closed the door with a snap. He turned slowly to face you.

***

Chapter 2

#my writing #din djarin x female reader #din djarin x f!reader #mandalorian fanfic #mature #din djarin x you #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x female reader #mandalorian reader insert #tempered glass

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pokemon-ninjago-world · 3 years

Text

Headcanon/Pokéninjago version of Lloyd’s identity crisis during season 5 of Ninjago

Got ab 12 likes on the announcement post so here we are: This is an essay-sorta-thing about something I thought and wrote some six years ago. It’s been so long since I wrote this I feel cringy reading it, but it’s tenable in Pokéninjago lore. It’s kind of a mix between my headcanon for the show, and canon of my AU, which is why there is mentions of “evolving” and Pokémon types.

Things to take into account:

Idk if there should be content warnings, but depression mention at least. Otherwise, this is pretty much as intense as season 5 went, just a little more angsty I suppose.

I must say that my version of Lloyd and his identity crisis were inspired by a certain artist’s version of him and by a comic they made about the Child’s Play episode’s aftermath. I don’t dare name the artist, since they don’t wish to be linked with the Ninjago fandom anymore, but some of you might know who I’m referring to.

I do not know how psychology stuff actually works, all of this was made on grounds of a couple of high school psychology courses and a lot of imagination `:D

I wrote this originally in Finnish and let Word translate it, so this might be v clumsy at points.

Most of the text is under the cut!

~***~

When Lloyd was just a small cub, closer to three years, his mother had left him in his father's care. Misako knew the boy would become the Green Ninja and Garmadon would become the Dark Lord. That is why she went looking for any ancient knowledge to avoid the final confrontation. Although her heart was torn since she had to leave her loved ones, she knew that she couldn’t just sit on her hands, and that perhaps she was the only one that could prevent the decisive battle between good and evil. It was also her wish that the father and the son could spend as much time together as possible. Thus, Lloyd's earliest childhood memories are about his father, and his recollections of his mother are blurry, obscure, and fading away as he grows up, or mixing with other memories.

Dad meant everything to little Lloyd. Although they lived in the same monastery with Lloyd’s uncle as well, whom he also liked, his own father was still the greatest. Garmadon also loved his child deeply and wanted him to have a happy life. Although the poison in his veins was starting to get a hold of him and he was increasingly drawn to the Golden Weapons, his love for Lloyd and the desire to be with him in anticipation of Misako's return kept him away from them for much longer than if the boy had never existed.

When Lloyd "evolved," he lost some important years of his life, during which a youngster usually developes a picture of himself and his changing body. Lloyd's body changed in a single moment and even though his mind also changed to some degree, it was still mostly on the same level as before, since artificial aging did not bring him the years of experience that growing up normally would. From that moment on, he had to form himself a new image of himself. Frankly, he was facing a fierce identity crisis.

After the episode Child's Play, Lloyd adopted an identity whose foundation was flimsy and unstable. It consisted of a few simple pillars that supported his image of himself. Some emotions, thoughts, and memories that he could not, wasn’t able to or didn’t dare to deal with, secretly and slowly gnawed at those pillars like erosion. They grew into doubt that settled into the cracks like rockfoil.

That flimsy foundation for his self-image, consisted of these elements: I am the Green Ninja. I'm the strongest ninja of all. I’m the son of sensei Garmadon. I’m the grandson of The First Spinjitzu Master. I'm one of the Elemental Masters. I'm a student of Sensei Wu. I'm one of the five elemental ninjas. It's my destiny to protect the world from evil.

This made it easy for Morro to destabilize and crush Lloyd’s self-esteem. Morro proved himself to be stronger and more independent than Lloyd, and that he could win him over and over again, no matter how hard Lloyd tried to fight back. Lloyd felt weak and desperate. Two pillars of his self-image collapsed to the ground and the masked emotions and doubts that chipped away at the other columns began to grow and intensify: He was not the strongest ninja and was therefore unable to protect the world from this evil.

This also affected his view of him as the Green Ninja. Although logically he still was just that – the Golden Weapons and his powers had proven it – he could not help but think that maybe Morro really was supposed to be the Chosen One. His identity was cracking, which ate away at his strength and self-esteem. Being a Psychic Type, his greatest strength resided in his psyche, and whenever his mind was in an unstable and vulnerable state, he couldn’t do his best, even if he had used everything he had learned. Losing his father fairly recently had already struck a dangerous notch in his mental stability.

Even though Lloyd was still his father's son, it didn't feel the same when he was no longer with him. Finally, he was only driven forward by his relationship with his other loved ones. He had to do everything he could to stop Morro from harming his friends. By protecting them he was also protecting the last intact remnants of his Self.

Lloyd did everything he could to resist Morro's possession. From time to time a memory of his friends and the will to keep them safe increased his "self-control," weakening the ghost's hold on him. However, a long, grueling time in constant motion, without water and nourishment, poisoned by a cold, vindictive spirit, steadily filled his mind with anguish and despair. Doubts penetrated deep into the tears of his self-image, breaking everything old until he no longer knew who he was. Only with the last bits of his mental strength could he interfere with Morro's possession so that he failed to clear the other ninjas out of his way.

Then, when Morro broke away from Lloyd's body, the Espeon felt like nothing more than an empty, broken shell floating aimlessly in the dark, beachless sea. He was unable to live up to any of the expectations and goals that had been set for him. Now, he was used as a trade-in item in the market of the world’s destiny. He longer had the strength or power to save even his best friends. He was as helpless as a newborn pup and all he could do was to stand by and apologize when he was traded for Realm Crystal.

Somewhere from his past, he dug up one last spark of strength. Already as a child, he had been left alone with unfriendly people, who then had ignited that stubborn flame in him: the desire to fight the cruel, unjust and repressive world. His body still had more strength than his mind, and this momentary burst of grit made him kick the Crystal out of Morro's hand. This, however, caused him to end up in the freezing stream, all his energy used up. There was not much left but a primitive desire to survive and a little strength to keep his head afloat before the cold numbed his muscles.

Lloyd's mind was in shambles. Images, memories, shattered fragments of his adopted identity… they all churned in his tired, blurred consciousness. Unintentionally, he began to go through the feelings of uncertainty, fear and inadequacy that he had denied from himself for years. The present seemed more surreal than the memories. He relived moments that had had a revolutionary impact on his life: When the golden weapons pointed him out as a Green Ninja; when he grew up under the influence of Tomorrow's Tea; when he met his mother and became to know her; when he unleashed the Golden Dragon in the Temple of Light; how he fought the Overlord who was possessing his father; how he harnessed his True Potential; got his father back; lost Zane; reunited his friends again and felt great togetherness with the other Elemental Masters. When he lost his father again. And when Morro possessed him.

Lloyd was lost. If it wasn’t for his friends and their care, he would have sunk deep into depression (and, on the other hand, drowned or, at the very least, died of hypothermia). When Kai carried him out of the FSM’s tomb, it triggered a very clear memory of the day when the Master of Fire had fulfilled his potential and Lloyd had been identified as the Chosen One. That day, Kai had come to save him from an erupting volcano and carried him to safety. Now, Lloyd felt like he was that little scared cub again, who had for a moment thought he was going to burn to the ground in the boiling lava of the volcano. He remembered how Kai's closeness had brought a feeling of immediate security around him. Even though the mountain had raged and wanted to kill them both, Lloyd had known he didn’t have to be afraid. Kai was there. He'd protect Lloyd. There was no reason to fight the fear anymore, he didn't have to pretend like he was tough. He was carried by someone older and stronger, whom to rely on.

The feeling was so intense, the memory so vivid that Lloyd was overwhelmed by an inexplicable, immense grief. The sadness of being forced to give up a carefree childhood so early on, to take on an enormous responsibility and assume a role that seemed too demanding for such a small boy to perform. He had had to grow up way too soon. He started shaking from holding back the tears. He didn’t mind since he thought Kai was probably assuming that he was shivering from the cold. But when Kai said quietly and understandingly: "Shh... It's okay... Don't worry about it," the last wall of pride and fear fell, and Lloyd could no longer repress his weeping.

At this point, he slowly began to build a new identity on the ruins of the wrecked one. He understood that even though he was the Green Ninja, it didn’t make him greater or more important than the others. He had more magical power than anyone else, but he was still only a person just like them. He could hesitate, too, and fail. There was no way for him to do anything more than what he was capable of, mentally, physically, and skill-wise. That’s all there was to offer, and if it wasn't enough, there were others whom he could rely on. Others, who would catch him when he ran out of strength. He wasn't the last link to hold the whole structure together.

These ideas developed slowly in Lloyd's exhausted mind. Slowly, he got stitched back up from the fragments of his previous self-image. This time, however, his new identity was not something that was given to him from the outside, in which he would have had to fit himself, but it was a solid, authentic self-image created as a result of self-reflection. It was still obscure, uncertain and seeking its form, and its growth was overshadowed by fear. But the conversation with his father drove away that last fear. The fear that Morro was supposed to be the Green Ninja instead of Lloyd. His father assured that Lloyd’s qi had no influence on how he should live and act. He should live the way his heart told him to.

In the end, although Morro managed to beat Lloyd one last time, this time he did not break down. He was more intact now, he had more inner strength, and he knew for sure he wouldn't be abandoned. That the fate of the world wasn't really up to him. He may have been part of the story, but after all, he wasn't the protagonist, at least not the only one of them.

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ckret2 · 4 years

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first of all - i really love your characterization of alastor! i saw ur post on 'how alastor would react to a buzzfeed unsolved-type video on his crimes' a while ago and id like to ask - do you think he was ever considered as a suspect? would there even be any real suspects? thank you for all ur writing and ideas :D

tl;dr, my personal headcanon is that he was never considered as a suspect, but have an extremely detailed explanation!

So, until we learn more from canon, here's my overall headcanon of Alastor as a serial killer. Read more (if tumblr cooperates) for a long headcanon post and for brief mentions of the gory things serial killers do.

- His preferred target was hunters and his weapon of choice was a standard hunting rifle. This means that, for a while, individual killings could be brushed off as "some irresponsible hunter accidentally shot another hunter, and either it was a wild shot and the shooter never saw where the bullet went, or he realized he'd accidentally shot somebody and fled like a coward." Unlike more obvious serial killer strategies—example, the Axeman of New Orleans' "people found axed to death inside their own homes" deal—it would take a while for Alastor's killings to be recognized as deliberate murder probably committed by one person.

- Most serial killers have a pretty small hunting ground, somewhere near where they live that's familiar/comfortable to them, and they don't stray far outside it. Compared to the Axeman again—the Axeman primarily attacked people in Italian-American immigrant communities in New Orleans, which made it easy to identify a pattern after only a few attacks. Since the Axeman was never identified, there's no way for us to know whether he lived in the neighborhoods where he killed—but like, he probably wasn't driving in from Houston.

Alastor, on the other hand, broke that pattern by killing at various hunting grounds around Louisiana—and maybe even neighboring states, I haven't decided yet—so it was harder to pinpoint where the killer lived and start searching that area for suspects.

- Many serial killers are identified by the rituals they tend to perform with their victims. Example: Jack the Ripper, who liked to disembowel his victims in a way that made police think he had experience as a surgeon. Desecrating/mutilating bodies in consistent ways is common, as are particular/identifiable body disposal methods. These rituals are typically things that have nothing to do with committing the murder itself, which means the killer just did them for fun. Alastor didn't have these. Shooting was where it started and ended for him. No undressing the body, no mutilating it, no moving it, no stealing trophies—he left them as they fell, sometimes leaving the scene before his victim was dead.

Oftentimes serial killers kill to try to enact some fantasy, and often their kills get more elaborate over time as they find that whatever high they're trying to get from their kill doesn't last. Alastor's fantasies revolved around hunting/killing his equals like game animals—hence his choice of victim, weapon, and crime scene. So I think Alastor's kills would have gotten more elaborate (and thus easier to identify) over time—starting with field dressing the corpse as if it was a deer, and eventually progressing to taking home cuts of "meat" from the victims to eat. (In a recent stream, it was revealed that Alastor wasn't a cannibal while he was alive, only after death; so I've been headcanoning him as having fantasized about cannibalism while he was a serial killer but never having worked up the nerve to perform it.) But Alastor died before he got that far, so his crime scenes were fairly nondescript until his death.

- Because he was killing on hunting grounds, the areas were sparsely populated, which means fewer potential witnesses would ever see him. And if they did, because of how far he was from home, they probably wouldn't recognize him and could only include a vague physical description of him in their list of all the strangers they saw in the area that day.

- Because he'd just kill someone and leave the body there in the woods, it would often be several days before the corpse was found—depending on how long, it might be difficult to identify how long it'd been dead. (Especially if the victim had been camping out there several days so family members couldn't just say "yeah he went hunting on Tuesday and didn't come back," a camping trip means a window of several days the murder could occur.) Oftentimes he'd be back home several days before the murder was discovered and reported, making it even harder to track down who'd been in the area at the time.

- Alastor was killing complete strangers—people he'd never met before, didn't know the names of, didn't even know what towns they were from—which would make it impossible for anyone to find the killer by cross-referencing the victims' acquaintances.

- From early on he started prioritizing coming up with alibis that would put him away from the scene of the crime; because people would rightly become suspicious if they realized that every time he talked about going on a hunting trip and gee wiz he didn't get any game how sad, there was a mention in the papers of another hunter being shot. (Although originally, he started making up cover stories not to hide his crimes but to comfort his mother. "Yes Ma, I know you're worried about all the hunters getting shot lately. No Ma, I'm not going on a hunting trip this weekend, I'm uhhh going to visit Pa's family.")

Initially his cover stories were as simple as just "don't tell people I'm going hunting this weekend." Sometimes he'd make up a story about what he did yesterday in town so that when another kill hit the papers nobody would even think to wonder whether Alastor had been there at the time.

As he got deeper into his murder hobby, sometimes he'd prerecord a radio show and wheedle someone at the studio into playing it for him at his usual hour—which, in the early days of broadcasting, was actually illegal. Radio stations were under an obligation to primarily broadcast live content—otherwise, the radio station wasn't providing a service you couldn't get from a phonograph —with only a few exceptions like playing a rerun of a special broadcast a few days later for people who missed it the first time. As a daily radio host, Alastor's programming would be the sort least likely to be permitted one of those exceptions. Which meant he was gonna get the station in a bit of trouble if anyone outside the couple of sympathetic producers who let him do this found out that he was occasionally broadcasting prerecorded segments; but it also meant that nobody would ever imagine that the guy on the air at 9 am was halfway across the state at 10 am when another hunter was shot.

All these cover stories woulda fallen apart pretty quickly if somebody ever looked into them—but since he never made it onto anybody's list of suspects, nobody ever came around the station to ask where was Alastor on the morning of Monday the 14th, was he really here broadcasting?

- I also headcanon that Alastor started making deals with demons long before he died—I mean, it's not like he arrived in Hell instantly knowing how to make predatory soul bargains without prior practice, right?—so he was probably using them to help cover his trail. Things like "help me not get caught for this murder, and in exchange the murder victim's soul is yours."

So! That's how he killed, and how he avoided being identified as a suspect.

It probably woulda happened eventually. He'd gradually started killing more often, partially because he increasingly craved that violent fix (particularly because he never quite perfected it to his satisfaction, it never quite fully scratched his itch), and partially because he had more demons to pay off with blood; and authorities and hunters in Louisiana were getting wise to the threat in their midst, trying to increase monitoring of people moving in and out of hunting sites, and watching each other more warily if they crossed paths in the woods, thus increasing his chances of witnesses or even of being caught in the act.

But he got shot.

While Alastor was stalking one of his soon-to-be victims, the almost-victim spotted Alastor, mistook him for a deer, and set his dog on him. (Or maybe he shot first and then the dog went charging in, haven't decided yet.) When he realized that this wasn't a deer but An Actual Human Person And Fellow Hunter who was now mangled and bleeding to death, he panicked, his brain went "DESTROY THE WITNESS," and he shot Alastor point blank, and then he panicked again. He was caught trying to hide the body.

There were a few farfetched suspects investigated as potentially being the serial killer based on circumstantial evidence, but to this day the one person repeatedly identified as the most probable suspect is, ironically, the man who killed the real serial killer—because after he was arrested, the killings stopped. He was found not guilty for bullshit reasons (it was a fraught case) but even when the killings didn't resume, the believers think it's because he got spooked after nearly being convicted and decided to stop murdering.

Which also means, in a lot of cold case documentaries/books about the serial killer, Alastor himself is identified as the serial killer's probable last victim—which he finds hysterical.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #headcanons #anonymous #ask

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bloody-wonder · 4 years

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re: the ask you previously answered about kandreil, do you think — aside from shippers having overly aggressive approaches sometimes —interpreting anything romantic or sexual in the text with Kevin and Neil erases Neil’s demisexuality? I’ve always been unsure of that as I’m not a-spec, and I know that there are a-spec aftg fans who ship kandreil but I’ve never seen a discussion about Neil’s demisexuality specifically regarding it. Not sure I’m wording this right, just curious what you think.

well it’s a good and complicated question!

i’ve been thinking about it for the last couple of days and instead of giving a clear and concise answer i’m going to acesplain demisexuality and canonsplain neil josten in another lengthy post.

so there are two components to this question - 1) whether kevineil interactions are romantic or sexual 2) whether asserting that they are erases neil’s demisexuality.

1) so first of all kevineil is where the aroace dogma “relationships can be intense without being romantic or sexual and interpreting every such relationship as potentially romantic or sexual erases the experiences of many (not only) arospec/aspec people” clashes with the shipping culture dogma “these two characters glanced at each other once or had an ambiguous dialogue or both like bread and are therefore with a 95% probability already in love”. what can i say to people who think neil has romantic or sexual feelings for kevin? should i shout “people can be friends you guys are just brainwashed” at them? that seems very unproductive. this is a debate that can never be won but still i’d like to remark that interpreting kevineil interactions as romantic or sexual has more to do with this acquired urge to interpret all intense interactions as such than with what’s actually going on between the two. (bUt ThEy WeRe CaNoN iN tHe eArLiEr DrAfTs - i don’t know what you’re talking about, i’m talking about the three books that constitute aftg). i on the contrary rejoice in their romance-less dynamic and firmly believe that they wouldn’t be together even if neil weren’t demi. because some people are just friends. if neil weren’t demi it wouldn’t also be considered in any way problematic to ship kandreil, but neil is and some people like you begin to wonder - because now a rare “endangered” sexuality is involved.

2) i personally want to say yes, interpreting neil’s thoughts about kevin and interactions with him as they are presented in the books as sexual erases neil’s demisexuality - the key word being neil’s.

because demisexuality is a spectrum in itself and many aspec people will experience it differently. how strong an emotional bond does a demi need to have with a person in order to feel sexually attracted to them? it can be anything on the range from once in a lifetime soulmate to basically any person they know and like well enough. this lower side of the spectrum is where the line between demi- and allosexuality gets blurred and is probably also the reason why lots of people deny that demisexuality exists, seeing as they also usually get attracted mostly to people they know and like well enough.

anyway i suppose it’s more common for an average demi person to have had one or more of those emotional bonds that result in attraction by certain age even in order to identify as demi. so i imagine a lot of aspec fans who ship neil with foxes other than andrew, project their experience of demisexuality onto him. if you’re someone who identifies as demi, has deep emotional connection with several of your friends and feels attracted to them, you will probably want the very rare specimen of a fictional demi to have experiences similar to your own. if you’re also a kevin fan and are fascinated by the idea of kandreil, then you’re going to ship it without any concern of erasing anything. “neil’s demi and i’m demi so therefore anything i feel or do concerning sexual attraction he must feel and do as well”.

but neil’s version of demisexuality is quite different. based on andreil it really looks like he’s higher on the ace spectrum than that. even when he reaches the point where he’s like yep andrew is totally the person whom i’d let riko torture me for he still isn’t attracted to him sexually and only when andrew explicitly shows that it’s something he’s interested in does neil begin to explore the idea. when he knows he’s attracted to andrew he specifically checks if he’s able to think of his other male teammates in that way and the answer is no. but the most important thing about neil figuring out his sexuality in my opinion is the fact that he never defines himself as someone who “swings” at any person he establishes a profound connection with, but rather as someone who’s attracted only to andrew. (i’m not even sure if neil would use the demi label if he knew about it). he literally says “the only one i’m interested in is you”. so his situation looks much more like “once in a lifetime soulmate” one to me.

so the question is where do you begin to interpret neil’s sexuality? if you begin with the text then you’ll perceive him as someone who’s attracted to nobody at first and then only to andrew. (haha that’s some very wishful thinking on my part - see the shipping dogma above). but if you begin with your preconceived notions about the demi label then you might expect neil to form those special bonds that enable him to feel sexual attraction as often as you like. maybe if an average demi person was in neil’s place they would end up getting attracted to more foxes. but neil isn’t average, he isn’t a stand-in for the entire demi-dom, he’s a very specific person with a specific way of forming connections with people which is why if you want to write him in character i think it’s much more productive to take into account his personality as it’s showcased in the books than to research what demisexuality is or to self-project. so in the end what’s happening here is really not people erasing neil’s demisexuality by shipping him with this or that character but rather them erasing his canon personality by making him do the things he wouldn’t do.

that being said, fanfic is definitely the place for self-projecting and exploring things that aren’t canon. there are multiple ways to write demi neil in kandreil or other ships ranging from rewriting the canon and increasing the amount and quality of neil’s interactions with the new love interest to doing the same in post-canon to writing an au where they all come from different circumstances and nothing matters. the commonality between these types of story is that they all will be about a different version of neil with a different version of demisexuality which is just the way of fandom life and is perfectly normal.

however what i’ve been observing in post-canon kandreil fics is that the absolute majority of them are established relationship which means that their authors and readers think that whatever happens in the books between kevin and neil is enough for neil to form an emotional bond powerful enough to feel attracted to him (provided they at all agree that neil’s demi because if they don’t it’s a different kind of erasure discourse altogether). but that is just not true and totally erases neil’s demisexuality the way he experiences it. but can i really point out this particular facet of his personality being thrown over board when so many other facets get discarded along the way? neil is probably the aftg character whose canon personality gets misunderstood, ignored and rewritten the most. if a neil from some kandreil fic is a sweet peaceful gentle boi then what does it matter to me that he’s already kevin’s bf? it’s not the neil i know from the books. if neil’s canon personality isn’t important or appealing to this fic’s author then it’s only logical that the specific way neil experiences demisexuality won’t be important to them as well.

tl;dr: apart from those fans who don’t think neil’s demi and write him as allo, do kandreil shippers erase neil’s demisexuality? not necessarily. but do they rewrite the way neil experiences sexual attraction to better fit their ship? probably yes.

i want to end this by a disclaimer: like i said, i’m an aroace person talking about demisexuality which isn’t strictly my identity. andreil is very important to me as an ace because it reflects my personal understanding of relationships. of course andreil’s “once in a lifetime” soulmate situation speaks more to me as a person who doesn’t feel any kind of attraction and generally has trouble connecting to people beyond that. i can’t relate to most relationships i see in fiction because they are founded on attraction which is a language i don’t understand, so nora writing andreil in a language i could understand was a pretty big deal to me. consequently i feel very sceptical towards all other ships including kandreil because my views of romance are ace, not even demi. so basically i’m biased too.

#neil josten #demisexuality #kevin day #andrew minyard #all for the game #aftg mine #asks #i don't even want to tell how long i've been writing this monstrosity #is this jumble of words intelligible at all?#idc anymore #gonna go reblog some gifsets now #i earned it #aftg ask

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marauderssequels · 4 years

Text

the petunia timeline

petunia evans is a character that I think had a lot of potential. I cannot at all commend the person she became as petunia dursley, and I wish so much that she had looked just a little harder in her heart to find space for harry. I can’t forgive her for the nearly two decades of abuse and neglect she inflicted on harry. still, like peter pettigrew and severus snape, she was a child once, before she grew into the horrible woman harry knew. so, who was petunia evans?

Part One: The Evans In Canon

the evans family is a difficult thing to find canon information on. the best we’ve dug up so far is a statement from an interview rowling made when answering if harry’s grandparents were killed. her exact words about the evans were, “...because I do like my backstory: Petunia and Lily’s parents, normal Muggle death.” now, kindly prepare for some english-major bullshit.

death. not deaths, plural. (yes, obviously this is a minute detail, but there’s really not much else to go on.) if the parents had suffered separate deaths, it should’ve been plural. keeping this noun singular suggests that one event took both parents out at once, leaving them both to experience one collective death.*

so, what collective death might they have suffered? well, considering that petunia wasn’t the most imaginative person, let’s remember that the explanation that she gave harry for his parents’ death was a car crash. that certainly fits our requirements for one event taking two people out at the same time, and it qualifies as a “normal Muggle death”. it’s not a far stretch to assume petunia took her answer for harry straight from the way her own parents died.

we know they were dead by the time lily and james died, due to petunia being lily’s only living relative for harry to go to. the conclusion we’ve drawn for petunia’s birth year (which we’ll explain in a later addition to this post) is 1957, three years before lily’s birth. going by british law, if lily’s parents had died before she was eighteen, she would’ve required a legal guardian until she was of age. (remember, 17 is only considered “of age” for wizards, something the muggle government wouldn’t be taking into consideration). since I cannot imagine rowling made the question of legal guardianship a part of lily’s narrative, we’ll set the parameters of her parents’ death for sometime after she had come of age in the eyes of muggle britain but before lily’s death.

lily would turn eighteen on january 30th, 1978, during her final year at hogwarts. her death occurred on october 31st, 1981. that leaves roughly three years for the accident to take place in.

this understanding is important to petunia’s story mainly because these parameters mean she would not be pulled into any sort of court situation regarding lily’s legal guardianship status. her story, according to pottermore, is that she left cokeworth behind forever, which suggests to us that she never once returned. obviously in the real world, this could’ve meant that she moved out permanently but still returned for visits. considering this is coming from rowling, a woman who tends to write in absolutes, it’s more likely to be the “never returning” option. this means that dealing with funeral arrangements, identifying bodies, and putting her parents’ affairs in order were not responsibilities she handled, since that would’ve entailed a return to the town she detested. instead, by the time lily turned eighteen, petunia was already married to vernon dursley and had decidedly left her life there behind. for all intents and purposes, she would’ve considered herself a dursley first and an evans not at all.

we’ll discuss this chapter of the sisters’ lives later; for now, it’s enough to have a rough idea for when petunia’s parents died. not much other information was ever provided about the parental evans, but here’s what we know:

initially, when the girls were younger, mrs. evans told lily she wasn’t allowed to use her magic. after the revelation that lily’s magic made her special, entitling her to attend a wizarding school and study to become a competent witch, both parents were thrilled. the magical world enchanted them both, and lily receives nothing but support from her parents after her acceptance to hogwarts.

young petunia could already identify class, drawing contrasts and divides between her family and the snapes. one of the first insults she punished severus with was a comment on his poor-quality clothing. she knew he came from an impoverished neighborhood and that hers was better, even if not by much. she used that information to immediately cast him in a negative light. she also had the social awareness to ensure no one was around to see lily’s magic, and to detect the insult in the word “muggle” without understanding what it meant. lily being nine years old, petunia would’ve been around twelve, so this social awareness and prideful classist view likely came from her home environment.

while the evans are hardly likely to have been as bad as the malfoys, this is evidence that petunia’s parents placed a great deal of importance on social status. lily only ever mentions her friends questioning her friendship with snape, not her family, so her parents weren’t so extreme to the point of outright forbidding her association with people of a lower status. it’s possible petunia’s younger years saw an economical shift downwards for her parents, leaving her with great pride and a snobbish attitude even once her circumstances turned less fortunate, while lily only ever remembers those circumstances.

moving forward to the next canon information we have concerning petunia, she left cokeworth for london, where she took a typing course. our assumption here is that she left after graduating secondary school, around the age of eighteen or so. once she had her diploma and was a legal adult, she would’ve moved out as soon as possible, to escape the life she hated and the family that favored lily and her magical gifts. assuming she and lily are three years apart, she would’ve left most likely the summer before lily’s fifth or sixth year at hogwarts.

from there, she found an office job, likely at grunnings, the drilling company where vernon was a junior executive, since they met at work. he proposed while lily was in her seventh year at hogwarts, so the engagement took place after lily left for school on september 1st, 1977. they were married by the end of the year and settled into a house together (as petunia tells harry in the first deathly hallows movie that she’s lived in that house for twenty years, during the summer of 1997). this is another part of her story that makes knowing the date of her parents’ death important; because we’ve determined they didn’t die until after january the following year, we know mr. and mrs. evans would have attended petunia’s wedding.

at some point before the wedding but after the proposal, petunia told vernon about lily’s magic. the couple met lily and james for dinner at a muggle restaurant, though the meeting didn’t end well. still, both were invited to the wedding, despite lily pointedly not being made a bridesmaid. afterwards, petunia appears to have sent a present for christmases, and likely birthdays as well, considering that she and vernon generally gave harry at least some type of horrible present for his birthdays. it’s probable lily returned the favor, sending christmas and birthday presents to petunia.

despite being invited, petunia and vernon didn’t attend lily’s wedding. around the autumn of 1979, both evans sisters became pregnant. petunia’s son dudley was born on june 23rd, 1980, just a month before harry’s birth on july 31st. harry’s birth announcement was the last communication petunia ever received from lily (besides the christmas presents they exchanged) before lily’s death the following year on october 31st, 1981. petunia wasn’t aware of her passing until november 2nd, when she discovered her sister’s son on her doorstep along with a letter from albus dumbledore explaining the circumstances of lily’s death and harry’s need for her as his guardian.

this is where the story picks up ten years later in the original series. this is also where our understanding of petunia’s life turns entirely from evidenced speculation and canon to headcanon and theory, unfortunately. in later additions to this post, we’ll explore our theories on petunia’s parents, as well as how her dynamic with lily changed through the years and how her character serves as a mirror to severus’s. already, we’ve made a lot of speculations based on british law, rowling’s writing, and petunia’s character, as well as lily’s, but this first part of her timeline will serve as the canon upon which we’ll be building the rest of her character. any ideas and suggestions for the evans family are more than welcome!

*obviously, this interpretation leans heavily on two large assumptions. firstly, we’re relying on the transcription of the interview having correctly recorded her words, as the link to the original video source is broken. secondly, this conclusion also requires trusting that rowling implements this basic rule of grammar into her everyday speech. any native speaker of english could probably tell you that in day-to-day language, we don’t tend to follow every single rule 100% of the time, as long as our basic meaning can be understood. considering our other deliberate deviations from her canon, however, I think it’s enough to acknowledge the reasoning behind our interpretation of her words and move on.

#petunia evans #petunia dursley #lily evans #vernon dursley #james potter #evans family #potter family #hp canon #hp meta #harry potter #hp fandom

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dxitydoo · 4 years

Text

I have spent entirely too much time and thought on this

Would Chuck (from NBC’s Chuck) legally be allowed to drive?

There will obviously be spoilers for the show, though I’ve tried to keep it as vague as possible, so don’t read if you don’t want spoilers.

Small disclaimer: the info I used is based on UK laws from UK websites so I apologise if anything in inaccurate.

Okay so hear me out.

After starting to rewatch the show, I started to wonder whether Chuck’s flashes would last long enough to be disruptive in some way.

In order for them to be disruptive, they have to immobilise him for some period of time that could lead to consequences when, say, driving.

Okay, so how long are they?

Duration of the Flashes

Based on the few times you get more than a millisecond glimpse of Chuck as he flashes, I estimate that his flashes tend to last about 3-6 seconds. [S2E5, S2E16, S4E21]

(Yes I included the fake flash because it’s the only time you see the entire “flash”. Given Beckman believes it at first, I would hazard a guess that it’s not that far off from the usual length of time)

This also isn’t including the few times there’s a chain of flashes which I would imagine would take far longer. [S1E2 (triggered by pictures), S1E12, S2E1, S2E14]

3-6 seconds isn’t a lot of time to be fair but, in a car on a motorway, for example, that could be the difference between crashing or not crashing so it’s possible it could stop him from driving.

Plus! The skill flashes seem to be a lot faster. Given he’s able to react and catch the knife in S3E17 and catch the bar as it falls in S4E2.

But that’s not a definite answer.

In conclusion, he would maybe be affected but maybe not enough to legally stop him from driving so-

But wait!

I didn’t stop there!

Disrupting Physical Movement

The next part I looked at was whether the intersect briefly disabled his ability to move and hold things.

Based on a scene from S1E11, where Chuck drops the binoculars, it could impair his ability to hold onto objects.

However, as far as I’m aware, this is the only time you see him fail to hold onto something so this isn’t conclusive. In many other cases where Chuck is holding something when he flashes, he is able to keep hold of it.

That being said, the intersect does definitely have some affect on physical movement, specifically walking, dancing and posture.

In S3E4, he flashes and kicks Lester in the head before he has time to stop himself. Although, this problem likely occurred more because he was worried about Devon, it still suggests that the intersect can take over his nervous system and react as a reflex action.

He often stops walking when he flashes [S1E4, S2E10, S3E3, S4E14] and in S2E12, he stops dancing. In several episodes [S1E13, S4E4, S4E21], he changes position from crouched down or hunched over to standing straight up if able to. If he’s smiling, he will stop smiling when he flashes. [S3E10]

He also occasionally cuts off mid-word or mid-sentence [S2E9, S4E21].

Occasionally, he is able to tell when he’s about to flash [S2E1, S2E8, S4E14] and get a few words out but that is pretty far and few between so not the most reliable.

Not to mention, he often needs a few seconds to recover and process after a flash. Either babbling what he’s seen or reacting to it in some way, usually with a shocked expression and a sudden manic energy. [I mean... basically any episode is evidence for this one]

None of the physical affects seem to be super harmful but it doesn’t answer our original question of “could he drive?”

So that brings me onto my next question.

Would The Flashes Count As Seizures?

Okay so you’re not allowed to drive with epilepsy, right?

So I quickly scanned the NHS website for info on epilepsy to see whether he would fall under any of the categories.

Now 3-6 seconds is actually very short by seizure-standards. Seizures can last seconds but they tend to be more in the minutes range.

However, there is a type of seizure called an absence seizure. It still falls under epilepsy and it tends to last no more than 15 seconds, usually less than 10.

And if we have a quick look at the symptoms:

An absence seizure, which used to be called a "petit mal", is where you lose awareness of your surroundings for a short time. They mainly affect children, but can happen at any age.

During an absence seizure, a person may:

stare blankly into space

look like they're "daydreaming"

flutter their eyes

make slight jerking movements of their body or limbs

Which I mean... 3/4 can be somewhat seen when Chuck flashes so...

According to healthline:

“Some activities can be dangerous for people with absence seizures. This is because absence seizures cause a temporary loss of awareness. Driving and swimming during an absence seizure might cause an accident or drowning.”

But I wanted to know whether the government would actually restrict it so then I checked the government driving restrictions for epilepsy to see whether it would count.

The closest to what Chuck experiences is likely classed as a “transient loss of consciousness (‘blackouts’) – or lost/altered awareness”.

The guidance for a TLoC depends on what type he has. I’ll leave links down below if you want to check all this out but I would guess that he would fall under “unexplained syncope, including syncope without reliable prodrome”.

In English, that means “unexplained loss of consciousness, including without reliable warning”.

Okay so that’s not exactly what Chuck has, given there is a known trigger for the intersect: anything related to the info it holds. However, it’s not always certain what is and isn’t in there or what will trigger a flash so I think it counts under “without reliable prodrome”.

And technically, he doesn’t lose consciousness after, or during, his flashes however, I would guess he is unresponsive, given how he cuts off speech so I’m also going to tentatively count that too.

The guidance for that specific TLoC is: “must not drive”.

I glanced through a couple of others and it says that if there is reliable warning for when it’s about to happen and the person is able to identify it and get themselves safe, they may still be allowed to drive.

However, as covered earlier, Chuck is able to react to it before it happens in only 3 instances in 4 seasons which isn’t reliable. Plus with the disorientation and/or panic that occurs after his flashes, I don’t think he’s fully aware for a few more seconds afterwards.

Does He Flash in a Car?

One of the criteria for being unable to drive is posture, whether it ever happens sitting down. Now for the particular TLoC that I thought he would be classified under, it technically doesn’t matter but we’re gonna cover all bases rn and check it anyway.

If Chuck never flashes while in a moving car, it could potentially be fine for him to drive.

However, in S1E13, he does flash while in a moving car after hearing a name.

He isn’t driving at the time, admittedly, and I don’t believe he ever flashes at the wheel so it’s possible that he would be able to drive but, based on the government guidelines, he would probably be exempt from driving.

In Conclusion

Okay so, by now, I have well and truly proved that I have too much time on my hands.

TL;DR: I think Chuck Bartowski’s intersect flashes could be counted as a form of epileptic seizure which could legally restrict him from driving.

The answer to the question is:

With the intersect in his head, he would probably not be legally allowed to drive under the government guidelines.

However, in canon, this is obviously not the case and the CIA/NSA would likely be able to pull some strings so he would still be able to drive regardless.

References

Another quick disclaimer: I tried to reference specific episodes where I could, however, I can’t remember every single specific scene and episode. I will try and add to the references once I find them again but, if you have any more examples that you would like to mention, please feel free to drop a comment.

#chuck #nbc chuck #the intersect #chuck bartowski #headcanon #ive been thinking about this for far too long #im sorry i wrote this post on mobile #and now i cant format it properly

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heeres-suffering · 4 years

Text

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?”

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life...

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long.

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t.

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with.

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat.

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad.

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake.

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)

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lunias-takes-on-homestuck · 4 years

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My Classpects Through the Years

I started getting into Homestuck in late 2012, about a year after [S] Cascade dropped, and like most of y’all I got pretty interested in the system of Classes and Aspects.

...Okay, I got obsessed with it. Who wouldn’t? A highly-flexible system of essentially taking an aspect of reality and interpreting it through the lens of a key verb or idea, creating unique and self-determined power sets limited only by your own imagination? That’s wild. And when I say I got into it, I mean I really got into it. I dove deep into Homestuck’s lore, reading up on popular and somewhat fringe theories about what each Aspect related to, how the Classes utilized them, what the potential Active/Passive pairings were, and how certain Aspects seemed to oppose each other. I even went so far as to contribute to a theory regarding the future of Tavros Nitram, which... didn’t exactly pan out as expected... but it was a ton of fun! And of course, while I was certainly interested in what this all meant for our cast of characters, I was also interested in how it could be interpreted and/or applied to real people.

People are, of course, far more complicated than a simple personality test could possibly explain, but I still got a lot of entertainment out of trying to pin down the classpects of characters or people I knew irl. Which naturally included me. Looking back on it, I think it’s very interesting to see the progression in ideas that led up to my more recent musings, so I figured it would be cool to dive into that and share my past and current classpects here!

Credits:

All images are pulled from the Homestuck Classpect Chart Updated posted by JosiahR94 on DeviantArt.

Artists: Zynchilada (compiled, partially drawn) and Owyn (updated at original resolution). Both blogs listed on the artwork have since been deactivated.

2012-2013 - Knight of Breath

This one is the byproduct of some test manipulation on my part - the fan test I was using was based on MBTI and Jungian archetypes, and honestly I’ve never found them to remain accurate for longer than a couple months at a time. I’ve wound my way around four different MBTI results over the years so I’m not inclined to use them as the basis for much, especially since the original test included fan-created classes and aspects that I really didn’t understand or jive with. But even once I narrowed it down to strictly canonical classes and aspects, I still wound up going with the 3rd-most accurate one. At the time I saw the Knight as the Active Exploiter class, the type to jump into action and wield their aspect as a weapon. I really related the idea of a detached loner who was fiercely protective of their friends, and John had shown off very, very recently (for me, anyway) just how powerful wind could be. The powers were sick, the outfit was neat, and it was absolutely wrong in nearly every way. Nearly. But we’ll get to that.

2013-2015 - Seer of Doom

You’re probably a little familiar with this one if you’ve been keeping up with Homestuck theorists lately, as there are two prolific content creators I know of who identify as Seers of Doom. For some time, I did too! The change was largely brought about because I thought my initial Knight of Breath result hadn’t been accurate enough, and also because I wanted to try my hand at classpecting myself without the aid of tests. At the time I was really feeling the Doom aspect and I saw myself as a guide (or maybe a teacher?) so it felt like it fit. There was just one sliiiight problem - I was entirely focused on how the Doom aspect related to the problems I was having in my life, rather than how I viewed the world around me and interacted with it. I still felt like I was sort of onto something with Doom, but it took some major life events to give me the nudge I needed to see things a little more clearly...

2015-2020 - Sylph of Life

For me, 2015 felt like the year I was finally coming out of my funk and figuring my shit out. It’s the year I started taking college courses (well, a college course), getting into meetups, making new friends, and reinventing myself. At some point I decided that the issue with my initial Doom analysis was that I was overly focused on the challenges I had instead of how I actually dealt with them, and my new aggressively-optimistic outlook would simply not mesh with Doom. Not one bit. I also felt that my class didn’t quite fit, and Sylph was sitting right there with their magick-y healing and creation powerset -- the ultimate support, and the type of person who makes their own way through life by simply refusing to accept they could be stopped or put down by anything. By the time the Extended Zodiac Quiz came out in 2017 and confirmed I was Lifebound, I had already proven to be on top of my game in college in a creative field. I joined our LGBT+ club and started somewhat aggressively railing against overly-restrictive labels and social constructs in Contemporary English to the point that I was exceeding the page limit on our essay assignments on a regular basis and still felt I wasn’t saying everything I wanted to say. Sylph of Life just clicked for me in a way the Knight of Breath and Seer of Doom never had, so I figured I’d nailed it.

Then, earlier this year, I found out I was actually a girl.

2020-Present - Knight of Life... or maybe Heart???

Imagine for a minute that you’re at a theater watching some movie through the perspective of the protagonist. You think you’ve got the plot all figured out, you’re guessing every story beat, and then in the last 5 minutes the big twist reveals the protagonist has unwittingly been an unreliable narrator for the last two hours. Literally everything you thought you understood has been flipped on its head, and it’s still good but it’s all very confusing. You leave the theater wondering what you just watched, and as you turn on your car you suddenly realize there were subtle hints foreshadowing the twist for over half the film. With every passing second the pieces start coming together, and you just know that watching it again would leave you going “How the hell did I miss that?!”

That’s about the best way I can explain what I’ve been experiencing for the past four-ish months. All the puzzle pieces I had put together were thrown totally out of whack and I’m finding every day that there are aspects of myself and my personality that I never knew where there. Discovering myself is hard work, but it’s a wonderful feeling, and it’s no wonder that on the heels of this I’m seriously vibing with the aspect relating to Personal Identity. That said, I still find myself parsing labels and identity through the lens of Life - words which are too restrictive to properly convey who I am, and an experience that can’t be explained or constrained by the stereotypical narrative people tend to have about people who are bisexual, polyamorous, transgender, and at once more complicated than those words can really describe. When I take the Extended Zodiac Quiz I find that I’m still Lifebound, but changing even a single question by a single step leaves me Heartbound instead, and I think that dichotomy really mirrors where I feel I’m at as a person.

Class-wise, I feel drawn to both Sylph and Knight to a degree, but in the years since I first chose the Knight of Breath classpect I have come to understand the class as a Passive Server - one who gives for the benefit of others - and that speaks to me. The wonderful Mythological Class Quiz by @homestuckexamination has only confirmed my suspicions about that. I have yet to decide between Knight of Life and Knight of Heart, but they’re both very interesting classpects imo, and either way I’m sure I’ll be spending far too much of my free time developing powers and things for them :P

Takeaway

Whew, that’s a lot of words! But what exactly does it all mean? Well... if you ask me, Classpecting is sort of a process. I’m sure that, years down the line, I’ll probably say I had it all wrong and I’m actually some other combination of class and aspect, and I’ll reminisce about the days when I was so obviously misreading myself. But that’s kind of the fun of it, isn’t it? It’s just another form of personality quiz, albeit one where you get sick powers and a nifty set of pajamas at the end. And for all the good that introspection can do to help you understand yourself a little better, you better believe I’m going to be spending the next hour or two debating whether passing out heals and buffs while tanking everything would be more cool than body-surfing and turning enemies into clones à la Agent Smith in The Matrix: Reloaded.

#Homestuck #Classpecting #Knight of Breath #Seer of Doom #Sylph of Life #Knight of Life #Knight of Heart #Lunias Takes #Lunias Personal

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tothedarkdarkseas · 4 years

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For fanfic writer ask meme: E, J, K, M, P(for any fic or all your fics), R, T, X, and Y. (If that's too many questions, then you can split the answer into multiple posts. Also, no need to answer if you already answered these questions before.)

Thank you so much! I’ll put these below a cut just to account for the length, and I pray Tumblr works like it’s supposed to this evening! I appreciate you having an interest!

E: What character do you identify with most? Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

I really do not identify with Gorillaz characters and thank god for it, or most characters I tend to prefer! Haha, I know that might sound a bit strange, but I can think of very few characters I’d call “my favorite” that I also felt were a reflection of myself in a major way. Of course that isn’t implying that representation isn’t important, but just speaking for my own personal relationship to media– I live with myself all the time, I like people who live very different lives! Having said that, of the characters I write (all two, possibly three of ‘em) I’d say I identify with some of Stu’s worst qualities over anything else: being unambitious but craving reward, self-centered yet lacking in a concrete sense of self, dumb about mostly everything, overcompensating (to be fair, this is Murdoc as well) and so on. Despite picking fun at him I definitely have an affection for an unlikable guy like Stu, I do have sympathy for being sorta pathetic because I feel like I can access that.

J: What’s your favorite fanfic trope? Have you written it?

Hmm! That’s hard to say! At the risk of being an absolute knob, I don’t tend to be a fan of tropes, or at least what I think is meant here by “fanfic tropes” like uhh… the heat goes out and we have to share a bed, or that kind of thing? Is that what this means, the sort of repeated setups for fics? There’s of course a place for everything so I’ve got no real beef with more innocuous stuff, but I wouldn’t say I ever pick to read something because it’s got a “classic” trope. I’m definitely rife with tropes in the broader sense though, I’m rife with things I like and clearly just repeat, haha. I do not smoke pot, but I have a real affinity for characters who do, and this is evidenced by having like… half my stories feature that, haha. If a scene where two characters creep up to being intimate via sharing a joint/bowl/bong counts, that’s definitely a trope I’ve done and would probably do again.

K: Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

Does the above count? I’d certainly call myself self-indulgent, haha, I like what I like and I don’t stray very far from it. I think unsatisfying or incompatible intimacy is really interesting and I honestly never get tired of reading or writing that. (Er, as much as I “don’t get tired” of writing anything, which is not saying much as I’m very bad and undisciplined.)

M: What’s the weirdest AU scenario you’ve ever come up with? Did it turn into a story?

The only AU I’ve written is Coffin Dancer, which is a story set in the early 1900s about Murdoc being a reanimated corpse and Stu being a gravedigger who buries/exhumes him. Sexy, I know, nothing hotter than… long paragraphs about digging. I think the occult element makes that one a bit weirder than anything else I’ve come up with. I’ve kind of entertained other AU ideas but they tend to be a lot more mundane, to be frank I just really like the characters as they are and I don’t want to change their dynamic too much. As a joke I once suggested something about a riverboat casino (Stu working there, Murdoc trying to pull a money laundering scam via currency exchange, potentially convincing Stu to go in on the scam with him) and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still think about it sometimes and question how to make it work, haha. I think it might be fun to do an AU again, but I think there’s just too much of a gap between what I’d want to do or be capable of doing, and what people actually want to read.

P: Where did you find the most inspiration for your story ?

Oh gosh, this makes it sound so important and I feel like the biggest jag going to pretend I’ve made anything that great or with particularly impressive roots, haha. A couple came from prompts, so that’s a fairly straightforward answer.

I first began planning Coffin Dancer because I was playing Graveyard Keeper on Steam at the time, haha. If you load up this game, you’ll quickly see there is next to no plot and it is simply a crafting sim. I just sorta… liked the setting, I guess? It is the 1900s and it does follow a graveyard keeper! Following that, I decided it would be a story about Murdoc’s skin turning from tan to green as it does in canon, but giving it a bit of a morbid tint, as opposed to the vague canon handwaves of Murdoc being “immortal” with no clear explanation of what that means.

Ampersands was mostly inspired by me being a big Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan and thinking it’d be fun to show a dynamic similar to Angelus/Drusilla/Spike, but heavily reworked to fit our characters. The first scene I imagined was the shoelace-tying one which has some resemblance to a shot of Angelus knelt at Spike’s feet while still mocking him, and that ended up being the very last scene I wrote (and probably one of the weaker ones.)

On Oysters and Black Water was actually the story that required the least research from me, as I already had an interest in oyster filtration and oyster reef restoration. By no means am I an expert nor is this story a genuinely educated look at this process (I am Genuinely Educated on zero things) but I definitely knew when planning a PB story that I wanted oysters to be used for a filtration system on the island, just as a little nod to something I find neat!

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

This really puts me at risk of sounding knobbish, so to start with: I’m not really a writer. Fanfiction writer is already not the most impressive title, but even that I feel is a little generous for me. I’ve written things, but I struggle far too much and have too little dedication to pretend it’s something I feel “cut from the same cloth” as these folks to do. The writers I admire have “influenced” me in the sense that I’ve wished I could write that way, and I’ve probably/definitely ripped them off.

Some will find this laughable, but I’m a fan of Joey Comeau’s writing style. I’ve enjoyed every book he’s published, in particular the short novels Malagash and Lockpick Pornography, and especially his… err, non-novel collection of cover letters Overqualified. (I think I’ve read Overqualified more than anything else on my bookshelf, but this is saying very very little as you can sit down and read it in about 30 minutes.) The darkly comedic way he presents these ideas, how he’ll expand on these very offbeat details and veer so far from the topic, then take sudden sharp turns into something uncomfortable is just enjoyable to me.

Also somewhat cliched now, but Peter S. Beagle’s The Last Unicorn is a beautiful book to me. Beagle’s writing style is ideal for the fantasy setting, the poetry in his prose does not tip over the “purple” line for me (but I’ve always been unclear where the line is, obviously) and I’d really… feel like I’d accomplished something if I could say anything half as powerful as this book.

Shirley Jackson, (famously) the author of The Lottery and (less famously) We Have Always Lived in the Castle springs to mind as well. The latter in particular has a gothic tone, an at times strange sentence structure and an unreliable POV, which probably influenced Coffin Dancer stylistically and everything else I’ve done in perspective/structure.

But as far as influences, nothing more directly influenced me than @elapsed-spiral‘s writing and characterization. Old drum I’ve beat before, but it’s simply the truth. I would not have tried to write fanfiction again (after… many, many years) if I hadn’t found Danni’s stories and felt that excitement of reading something truly special. Now, it’s important to note that Danni is British so they’ll come out in hives if I praise them too much, but sincerely nothing in recent years has made me feel a “passion” for reading or writing like Yearz did. The oneshots Fairy Vale and Beside the Sea also deserve special mention for just being goddamn phenomenally good character studies. “Influence on your writing” could be misleading, in the sense that Danni’s biggest strengths (namely Being Funny, Being Realistic and Knowing What You Are Talking About) are among my biggest weaknesses, and I don’t feel that stylistically we’re all that similar; on the flipside though, I think so much of my “improvement” is really owed to Danni, aaaand I don’t think you’d ever look at something I’ve written and miss the fact that it’s ripping off Yearz in one way or another.

T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand?

Ahaha, alright, this jogs my memory and I do remember stepping on eggshells to answer this before! I mentioned above that I’m just not a big fan of tropes in general, but that means nothing as I don’t… have good taste. I never have. Famously bad taste over here. I don’t have any interest in raining on anyone’s fun or policing fan content, but I think we’re all perfectly fine just co-existing without feeling obligated to anything. More than anything else, in Gorillaz specifically I’d say there are some portrayals of their relationship that I find a little dodgy and I tend to avoid, but I recognize full well that many people may feel the same way about me! I also just like the characters to be compelling and to be themselves, whatever your version of them is. Of course my characterization is bonkers and mostly made-up and I have no expectation that someone else’s should resemble mine, but even if we have different ideas, I don’t like to feel you can slot them out and anyone else in? Which is why standard tropes like “coffeeshop” or “fake dating” don’t tend to be my favorite. Oh, I’m also a fuddy-duddy and I don’t love the nicknames, haha.

X: How would you categorize your fanfic reading? Are you a voracious reader? Do you carefully pick and choose? Something in between?

I’m not a very big reader these days! I’d like to offer you a good excuse here, but I’m just picky, truth be told.

Y: What are your thoughts on your personal satisfaction with something you’ve written vs. the popularity of your stories? Do you tend to be most satisfied with your most popular stories?

In total honesty, it takes all of about a month to become completely unsatisfied with anything I’ve written. That’s not like, a plea for sympathy, it’s just being objective. I write comparatively little and comparatively slow, so whatever growth that may happen is still pretty limited and it’s a little disheartening, even if it’s also my own fault for having poor discipline. I would not call any of my stories “good,” at best “good for what they are.” There are definitely some I wished did better, I wished with a stupid amount of sincerity would hit some magical validating number that would Suddenly Mean It Was Good… but after a little distance, I can always understand why they wouldn’t.

Hoooowever, some are undeniably worse than others. Based on both hits and kudos, my most popular story is my first one (I Couldn’t Feel, So I Would Touch) and this is truly baffling as it’s garbage. I mean, with no exaggeration I just think this is bad writing through and through, it’s truly just the worst thing I’ve written over the age of 20. I hoped I’d get this question purely because of this, haha, I feel such shame every time I see this story at the top of my statistics page. If we consider that to be the “most popular,” no, I do not tend to be most satisfied with the most popular story. We could define that differently though; for example, I think the story that got the most notes here and I received spectacular fanart on (a thing I just… can’t believe can happen, how nice is that?) was Oysters, and at a time I did consider that my favorite, I was incredibly proud of it when I posted, and even if I’ve grown exhausted by my overwriting too much to read it again I do still rate it pretty favorably compared to the others. So it depends on what constitutes popular! But if we’re just talking hits and kudos, sadly my stats page puts some of the worst stuff at the top.

#i've got to head to bed so i apologize if there are any glaring errors in this answer!#Anonymous #thank you very much for the letters! that's a kindness!

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dalek-in-heels · 5 years

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Hi hello, I have Feelings about some (not all!) of the ways I’ve seen bisexuality and polyamory discussed in Magicians fandom recently, mainly in the context of how queerness is represented in the show / speculating about what’s next. Queerness and polyam are two things that are near and dear to my own lived experiences, so I want to put my voice out there. This turned into a 2k word jumble, but as always I am open to discussion around any of it! My opinions/experiences, not law, I like hearing other viewpoints, etc etc. <3

tl;dr 1) I think it makes narrative sense why Quentin hasn’t explicitly confessed his love for Eliot to his friends yet.

2) I think it’s canon that Quentin and Eliot are each unique representations of people whose bisexuality/queerness/no-label-sexual-fluidity manifests in different ways.

3) I think it’s canon that there is polyamory in A Life in the Day.

—

First, I want to make clear that, after literally decades in fandoms that queerbait (or not even that), I feel passionately about the writers finally giving us more explicit queer love stories. Like, viscerally anxiously needing some emotional resolution for Queliot. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this invested in a ship before tbh.

That said, I won’t be mad about how Quentin & Eliot’s arc has been represented so far, as long as it does continue to develop going forward. Like, if it’s not explicitly addressed at all the rest of this season? That’s an issue. But if it’s only addressed again, like, tonight or even just in the finale, and leaves open the potential for more development in season five while Eliot is actually not possessed? I can see narrative reasons for why that works better.

In large part because of Quentin’s motivations this season. This is key: They are telling a story about a man who has been suppressing his feelings for the man he loves, who he thinks doesn’t love him back, and who is currently possessed by a monster. Quentin’s cautious. He’s depressed. He’s not going around making declarations, precisely because this is a very different love story than the ones we’ve seen between any of the other couples. Not only because they’re two men, but in large part because one of those men is possessed.

Don’t get me wrong (ha)—I am 100% in the camp of people who want Quentin to make some sort of confession despite all of this, and I definitely daydream about there being some sort of extra footage from their 50 years that we’ve never seen. But also? Story-wise? I get why it hasn’t happened yet: The more things that are out there in the open for the Monster to use against Quentin—and against Eliot’s body—the more damage can be done.

I think that’s one of the things that’s so powerful about that scene in 4x06, when the Monster asks, Why do you care about him so much? and Quentin simply says, Because I do. Yes, we know from Eliot’s memory that it’s because Quentin loves him, but like can you imagine Quentin admitting that to the Monster? What shit the Monster would pull with that knowledge?? It’d be horrible. Quentin knows better. He’s keeping details as close to the chest as possible for a damn reason.

—

Which brings me to Quentin’s bisexuality: I don’t think him not talking openly about his feelings for Eliot erases his bisexuality. Yes, arguably he could have a conversation with Julia or Alice or whomever about it, but what purpose would that serve? Him just feeling even worse admitting out loud that he’s trying to save the person he loves who doesn’t even love him back? Much easier to contain if you don’t say it out loud.

One of the things I’ve really loved about Quentin actually is that his bisexuality is a version that’s relatable to me on a personal level. Quentin is a queer man who has mostly dated women (as far as we can tell in canon). I’m a cis woman who has, largely due to circumstance, mostly dated men, despite coming out as bi 17 years ago. There were also long stretches of time where I didn’t date anyone. None of this has made me less queer/bisexual. My sexuality is an undeniable aspect of me, but also, I pass as straight. A lot. Which is frustrating because I never want to pass as straight in straight spaces or queer spaces, but it’s a super common experience for a lot of us. I’ve known so many women who pass, many of us because we date men, and therefore people don’t see our sexuality as valid since it’s ~ not in practice. It is a part of us; it doesn’t matter what we practice or not.

Quentin is bisexual—or whatever label we as fans want to put on it, but he is not straight. He has had queer experiences and expressed queer feelings. That is canon. Honestly, one of the reasons why I’m drawn to him as a queer character is because he hasn’t put a label on it in canon. They are telling the story of a character whose sexuality is not heterosexual, and it is not the most important thing about him. That is valid. That is the underrepresented experience of many of us, and it is satisfying to see someone represented on television who has experiences with people of different and similar genders, and that is not the core of the relationship conflict. He knows who he is. As Jason has put it before, it’s the one thing Quentin isn’t anxious about. I feel that.

But okay, back to trusting if the writers will represent Queliot or not going forward? I think it’s important to remember that this show has always been pretty fluid sexually, so the writers driving down this route with two of their male leads is, while new ground, not an absurd expectation. On a less queer show, I’d be less trusting of how they’ll handle it, but I feel like out of any writers I’ve loved, these might be the ones who get it on some level? Yes, there are still majority heteronormative things going on, but this is not the first queer relationship we’ve seen on the show: We’ve seen Eliot with randos, we’ve seen Eliot with Mike, with Idri—and with Quentin.

Which, while we’re on that—Eliot’s queerness? Should also not be erased. He is not gay. He is somewhere on a fluid queer spectrum. That’s literally canon, so any hand-waving away of that is erasing it. Sexuality is just so much more complex than that, and I think it’s simplistic to say otherwise. There are people who see themselves in Eliot’s version of queerness (mostly men, sometimes women), just the same way so many people see themselves in Quentin’s version of queerness (mostly women, sometimes men). We deserve more explicit text of their past relationship and Quentin’s current feelings, eventually, but tbh I still think how it’s being portrayed is valid and has made sense within the larger narrative so far.

—

Okay, now I really need to talk about how polyamory is portrayed on the show.

I’m not sure how many people active in this fandom are polyamorous or not (please feel free to give me a shout if you are? I’d love to make more polyam friends here), so extremely bare bones crash course here, since it is an often misunderstood, underrepresented, and stigmatized relationship model:

Polyamory is a relationship model that can take many forms (not necessarily marriage, not necessarily hierarchical), and is always rooted in consent, open communication, and building trust between all partners and metamours (your partner’s partners) in a polycule. All polyamorous arrangements and other versions of non-monogamy are consensual—if they’re not, then quite frankly it’s not polyamory; it’s cheating or, at the very least, pretty dang toxic.

For many of us, polyamory tends to be an alternative to the monogamous “relationship escalator”—instead of every relationship we form having the expectation that it’ll lead to marriage (and/or moving in together, having kids, etc), we choose to explore all the different types of relationships that can form organically in our lives: maybe a long-term partner or two, more partners who are casual but no less cared for and respected, etc. Or there’s solo polyamory, where your primary commitment is to yourself, but you have open consensual relationships with multiple other people, short-term or long-term. There are literally endless other possibilities.

As for how this relates to Quentin & Eliot’s time at the Mosaic: I’ve seen the argument that it couldn’t have been a happy polyamorous thing if only Quentin had two partners. I don’t buy that. Sure, it’s common for there to be relationships where two people each have another partner or multiple partners, but that is not the one right way that polyamory is done or that people who practice it can be happy with.

I personally have been practicing polyamory for several years, and there have been long stretches of time where I simply haven’t wanted to be with anyone else besides my primary partner, even when he has had other partners, and vice versa, and I have still lived my damn life with love. Yes there has been jealousy and insecurity to varying degrees, but there is a lot of support to identify their roots and actively work through them, and face fears. “Love isn’t zero sum” is a phrase thrown around a lot in polyamory literature, but it’s true: The partner who’s only with one person isn’t somehow getting less love. They have their partnership, they have a rich, full life outside of any romantic/sexual relationships, and they have the freedom to be open to other relationships should the opportunities come along.

So, anyway, back to the Magicians: Do I care if the writers intended to show a version of polyamory on the screen in 3x05? Not really. Because what happened anyway, is they did.

I don’t think the writers would or even could get away with representing an explicitly polyamorous relationship, mainly because that is still pretty damn stigmatized and rarely out in mainstream culture. But I do think that they did what they could to make Quentin and Eliot be able to build a family together, which I think was a key part of their narrative. How else would they have shown Quentin and Eliot having a kid in that context? In the space of a highlights montage? I’m not saying Arielle was a fully formed character either, or that she wasn’t a pawn of some sort, but I don’t think she was a pawn to somehow prove Quentin and Eliot had any less real of a relationship. I think if she was a pawn, it was so that they could raise a kid together and have a family. (Which isn’t great, but that’s a whole other issue, not a queer erasure issue.)

My personal headcanon for the 3x05 timeline is that Quentin, Eliot, and Arielle had a polycule that was basically Quentin/Arielle and Quentin/Eliot, with Eliot and Arielle as metamours, who also have some level of romance and maybe the occasional sexual relationship. In my headcanon, they were all happy together, raising a kid together, growing up and out of the insecurities and fears that Quentin & Eliot had back in the present-day timeline. Like, I can’t picture a 25 year old having the exact same hang-ups as a 35 to 75 year old, you know? People grow up. They settle into themselves.

I think that kind of happiness is inherent in how Quentin and Eliot talk about it when they come back: it was sort of beautiful, we worked, who gets that kind of proof of concept. So why would Eliot turn down Quentin when they get back, if that life was so good? I think it’s because wow that is a lot to live up to, when he knows they are not the same people now as who they’d turned into in that timeline. They have those memories and some of that wisdom, sure, but also they are the same people they were back in the future. Eliot doesn’t trust Quentin would choose him in this context, so he runs from things he’s afraid of fucking up or not living up to.

Whatever they are or will become now, I really think that the polyamory in that other timeline was real though. Even though nobody was boning or making out, there was a family of people raising a child together. There were people spending their lives together. It’s not as much representation as we (queer people, polyamorous people) deserve, but it’s not erased either. We focus a lot on the fact that Eliot, upon return, brought up You had a wife. But quickly following that was And we had a family. That’s not nothing.

I think I’ll just end on that note. This is already so long. Let’s see what happens tonight!! [screams into the void]

#polyamory #bisexuality #queer representation #queliot #the magicians #magicians meta #quentin coldwater #eliot waugh #arielle #oh god i've never posted meta this long i hope i don't die

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eyecicles · 5 years

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Death Note for 001 and Lawlight for 002 :)

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: L & Near. You can’t make me choose.

Least Favorite character: Probably Rem. Because even though she certainly isn’t the worst character, I just don’t understand her and neither do I find her interesting.

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): I only really care about Lawlight and Mikalight in certain contexts, I’m just not much into shipping. Blight, LxAiber, MelloxMatt, Natebit, BxMello are okay too. (And pure crack, like NaomixHalle or LightxGevanni is weirdly fun as well)

Character I find most attractive: In general, Mikami and Naomi (also Kiyomi and Gevanni, tbh). If we’re talking about more personal and admittedly deeper attraction, it’s L

Character I would marry: No one. If I had to choose one, I would either pick Naomi or Gevanni

Character I would be best friends with: I honestly can’t say. I’m extremely passive when it comes to friendships and I never initiate them. On top of that, I can never tell which people I would like to befriend, so who knows?

a random thought: The term “traffic jam” seems like it should have been coined by B

An unpopular opinion: Hmmm, so many. A very controversial one: I like that L died in the middle of the story. I’m still not over it, but I think it was the right decision, storywise.

My Canon OTP: I only really like SoichiroxSachiko. Oh, and NaomixRaye out of spite, lol

My Non-canon OTP: See third question

Most Badass Character: Koki Tanakabara. Or Near.

Most Epic Villain: Who in DN is the villain? Can I go with Light’s inability to deal with mistakes in a healthy way? Because that’s what makes DN epic

Pairing I am not a fan of: Pfff, I’m not a fan of most DN ships. If we’re talking about the ones that aren’t obviously a squick for most people, ships I’ve also actually seen around… it’s LxNaomi. To me it stands out in the way it manages to be extremely bland, with two characters that are also pretty much incompatible, that’s why I find it more exhausting than the truly “problematic” ships

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Rem

Favourite Friendship: If we’re talking about non-subtext canon friendships, I guess Aizawa and Ide. I also like Light’s and L’s fake friendship, but that probably doesn’t count, haha

Character I most identify with: Mostly Light and Near

Character I wish I could be: No, thank you

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

Lawlight:

When I started shipping them: When I was bored enough to dare and read Lawlight fics, because 90% of interesting sounding DN fics have that ship in it. It was some time after I finished the manga, when I was still semi-determined to keep Lawlight as my NOTP…

My thoughts: I don’t think any character could ever complement L as well as Light does. They’re obviously meant to be each other’s adversary, but L’s existence is about how well he both torments and contrasts Light, so they do make each other more interesting. Without Light, we wouldn’t have L and I respect that. That’s certainly the main reason I find it so interesting to explore their relationship in more than just one context. If you can handle romantic undertones or outright romance between them is certainly a matter of taste, though. And not everyone can dive as willingly as I can into AUs

What makes me happy about them: How entertaining their dynamic is. Nothing is worse than a boring protagonist + antagonist dynamic, and it’s a well-known fact that that sort of relationship often has the most potential

What makes me sad about them: Everything else

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Classic yaoi clichés, Misa or Mikami bashing, sex god!L, Light (while having his Kira related memories) giving up on being Kira because he has a crush on L, L only chaining himself to Light for ulterior reasons, and non-con stuff is more than just annoying to me

Things I look for in fanfic: Engaging & unique plot that isn’t just (or even mainly) about romance, ICness, a dynamic that stays true to canon without the murder, interesting AUs, if it’s explicit,

My wishlist: comedic elements, slow-burn, middle-aged Lawlight, clever dialogues, non-cliché top/bottom dynamics or better: both of them are switches

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Light definitely with Mikami. And I honestly don’t want L to end up with someone else, but I do like him with Aiber

My happily ever after for them: Just imagining them as an old married couple makes me happy

#ask meme answers #anon #lawlight

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jewlwpet · 5 years

Text

Space Pirate Mito, overall impression

This is a shounen anime from 1999. It’s sci-fi, as you might expect from the name. It has a wacky sense of humor, an endearing cast of characters, a fascinating and unique storyline, and some deeply affecting emotional scenes. It also featured numerous LGBT elements, the execution of which was... so-so. Could’ve been much worse, but also could’ve been much better. I do think it tries to present a positive message, and it isn’t always effective, but it is certainly memorable. There are numerous things that could’ve been improved, but I think the show as-is has a lot of value mainly coming from its uniqueness.

If you live in the U.S., it’s available for free (both seasons) on youtube from Nozomi Entertainment, just like Revolutionary Girl Utena is. Season 1 is also on both Crunchyroll and Amazon Prime; I don’t know what other countries this applies to. Piracy sites have this show too, of course, so you have options regardless. It’s also available on DVD for a surprisingly reasonable price, 22.49 USD from rightstuf, and that’s if you get it new.

Here’s the synopsis I like best for season 1, the one from animenewsnetwork:

Mito isn't just another space pirate, she's a three foot tall childlike alien with enough guts to outshine a supernova. She's known as the galaxy's most dangerous pirate, a wanted criminal who destroys a dozen police space cruisers every day before breakfast. But all she really wants is to be called "Mom."

Incidentally, Mito is voiced by the late Tomoko Kawakami, who also voiced Utena Tenjou! This was shocking for me to learn; they sound nothing alike, which just shows the versatility of her talent.

Wikipedia gives the following synopsis:

The first series of the farcical sci-fi title mainly revolves around the small space pirate Mito and her fights with and flights from the galactic police force, as well as her relationship with her half-human Earthling son Aoi, initially largely ignorant of his mother's spacefaring life.

This is basically accurate; however, there’s also a complex and compelling story that begins to unfold in the later episodes.

It’s in the unravelling of this story that the show’s LGBT themes are first introduced. I’ll insert a readmore here, because this post is getting long, so I might as well cut off before getting into plot spoilers: But if any of you goes off to watch it based on the above, there is a high chance you’ll end up checking back here at some point to determine if it’s worth sticking with.

If you’ve watched Simoun--another LGBT-related series that I adore and appreciate for its originality despite some serious flaws--this’ll sound familiar to you.

For Mito’s species, “sex differentiation” happens once a person is 10,000 years old. It’s not something that happens by itself, though; it is undergone by “choice.” I’m putting that in quotation marks because it certainly isn’t a free decision. Children are allowed to be flexible with their gender presentation, but “growing up,” in the eyes of society, means to become either a man or a woman, by fixed, preset standards. Those who don’t are socially ostracized.

In Simoun, at least, if you have your heart set on one role or the other, you can be sure to get it. Here... it’s not really clear, it seems that there is no such guarantee (I’m not sure if it’s just random, or if it’s arranged by one’s parents). Hence, it’s easy to imagine why some would find such an event absolutely horrifying.

One of the characters has a backstory that involves resisting this; I was really impressed with how this was established, except for the fact that this character did happen to be a villain. However, he (the character is shown saying “I’m a boy! I’ve already been differentiated” in his backstory, so that’s what I’m going with) joins the heroes’ side in the second season and is never made to conform, nor are the show’s protagonists ever anything but respectful.

However. For plot reasons that really do make sense in context (...sort of. it’s still contrived), Aoi ends up having to undergo sexual differentiation even though Aoi had been following a human pattern of physiological development up to that point. Aoi has no control over the process, and when it ends, everyone is shocked to find that Aoi is now “a girl.”

...Well, the humans are shocked. The aliens mostly take it in stride.

Aoi is also queen of the galaxy now, because sometimes that just happens.

For the record, this all happens in the final episode of season 1. This means that we don’t get to see the initial period of Aoi adjusting to this new role. Ultimately, I think that’s probably a good thing because it leads to many of the usual uncomfortable tropes being glossed over, but it also limits our insight into Aoi’s thoughts and feelings about this, which is pretty important. There are some mixed messages.

Something decidedly Bad is the way that the viewers are clued in on what happened to Aoi, which is... a couple of girls accidentally seeing under Aoi’s clothes and being shocked... and then the teacher wanted to look, ugh. That’s as bad as it ever got but it’s Pretty Bad for sure.

Onto Aoi’s reaction.

This is going to require some context. What first happened was that Aoi’s body became impossible for the aliens’ machines to detect as male or female, which led Mito to realize and explain that Aoi must be going through Sex Differentiation now. Only, the one weapon that could defeat the villain requires the user to have undergone it and be recognizably one or the other. This was the villain’s plan all along; he did “experiments” on Aoi to induce this, not out of a desire to cause suffering but for pragmatic reasons which still sound extremely contrived (though I was pleased to find that season 2 actually addressed why the weapons were built like this, whose decision it was, who was benefiting from it and how).

Consequently, Mito was demanding that Aoi “become either a man or a woman immediately.” Because Aoi had no idea how to control the process, the decision was made for Aoi’s (female) love interest to kiss Aoi and potentially “turn him into a man.” The reason I’m bringing this up is because notably, Aoi is not necessarily very keen on this idea, saying, “What about my feelings?” But it happens, and even, annoyingly, works long enough for the weapon to be used. (Not gonna lie, I was totally hoping that the opposite would happen and this would be the catalyst for Aoi taking on her True Form as a lesbian. That would’ve been epic). That said, it doesn’t last, and s2 leaves absolutely no room for the idea that kissing girls is inherently a “male” thing, so I don’t consider it a big deal on the whole, just such a missed opportunity.

Mutsumi, Aoi’s love interest, said in the end that her feelings for Aoi were the same regardless of what happened, but then ruined it by adding “Besides, I’m sure I can turn him back into a man.” (Aoi had not said a single word this point; she just thought that was something she could decide on her own, ugh--Mutsumi has clearly gotten over this by season 2, though; it never comes up again). At this point Aoi ran away “to find a planet where I can become a man,” according to the note left behind. It’s very possible Aoi just wanted to escape from everyone’s incessant comments and questioning, but that’s only speculation on my part. The next thing we see is Aoi being crowned queen, appearing somewhat exasperated and resigned.

Now onto season 2! Things get better... a lot better. Season 2 has its own unique and compelling story arc, with a new, more powerful villain. But the first thing to talk about how it opens, with an OP that seems to show a typical romcom with a scifi twist, one that happens to be about two girls. I love it.

S1′s OP centers around Mito, with this one centering around Aoi; because of that, it doesn’t feel like “now that we have a Female Protagonist we must make it a Love Story.” Just in case that was on anyone’s mind.

What the song tells us about Aoi’s perspective is interesting, but it can be hard to connect it to what’s shown in the show itself. It starts out with the line, “I’m a happy but lonely girl,” and includes the line “Hey, can you understand a maiden’s heart?” but Aoi certainly makes no such pronouncements withing the show (this would really make the show more comfortable to watch, because then it would certainly be Good and Right that everyone considers Aoi a girl now) and in my opinion would probably not feel comfortable doing so. I can imagine Aoi listening to a song like this and secretly strongly identifying, but that’s just speculation on my part.

I’m probably taking it more seriously than it was ever intended, but I will say, I don’t think it was made to be a mean-spirited joke. It doesn’t feel ironic. The visuals match the lyrics and melody rather than contrasting with them, and the upbeat tone is the same as that of the first OP. My best guess as to the motivation behind making it is that it’s to really bring the point home to the viewers that Aoi is a girl now and that that wasn’t just a silly joke ending to the first season but represented a major change in the status quo.

Early on in the season, Aoi has a dream about becoming a boy again and being with Mutsumi. If you want to believe the OP you could say that this is because Aoi feels that being with Mutsumi (romantically) would necessarily require being a boy. And this is a worry that Aoi canonically had, early on, but I think that most viewers would take the scene at face value and it might not be any deeper that that.

There was one other scene in the season that suggested Aoi would prefer to live as a boy, this one towards the end. In fact, Aoi shouts outright, “I would go back to being a guy if I could.” That said, the context is that a villain is torturing Aoi in an attempt to make that happen. Considering Aoi had already surrendered to that villain to save others (don’t worry, it all works out in the end), this could be as simple as “I would do what you wanted if I knew how.”

What I was hoping for, and what I think would have been awesome, is if at the end, Aoi would get a choice and would choose staying queen of the galaxy over becoming a man. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that. We do see that the experience has made Aoi a stronger person, more confident and expressive, and the show does end on a good note: The galaxy has been saved, and Aoi is free to be with the girl she loves, and looking as happy as in the OP for the first time ever, and has taken control of her life in general at last.

I didn’t mention this, but there’s another girl who has a huge crush on Aoi in season 2, and I was worried she’d be a “predatory lesbian” stereotype, but to my relief, this was not the case, and she ended up being one of my favorites.

She’s just like Nanami (from Utena--the director of this show actually directed Utena’s third ep, On The Night of the Ball) but openly gay and I LIVE for that. She has some great character development too.

#space pirate mito #uchuu kaizoku mito no boukugen #stellar buster mito #aoi mitsukuni #mito mitsukuni

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incarnateirony · 6 years

Text

The Homo-Hetero Paradox

This is gonna be long AF but is for those confused (or frustrated at/with) why some people believe their queer ship deserves endgame. This actually goes for multiple fandoms, but due to my core fandom, I’m gonna use The Obvious Example.

This is a hotly spoken thing, and a lot of people are “bothered” when certain things are, essentially, treated like “must be endgame” from a seemingly assumed position,which irks some people. Many don’t realize there is a difference between “This ship” or “that ship” because they’re not wired to see The Gay, and that’s okay, as long as you’re willing to respect, and listen, to why people see it. You have your right to not see it, but you also need to understand when “endgame” talks up from incidents like showrunners or authors declaring intention, so if you’re honestly interested... read on. Because odds are, if you can trudge through all of this, even if you don’t agree with their interpretation, you hopefully gain some respect for them as people on WHY they hold that belief.

So there’s something I really, really need to clarify here.

I can talk all day about

authorial intent.

I can

ELI5 “canon”, “subtext”, “romance,”

or the dictionary all day long.

I can literally cover

the growth of this from the dawn of time,

But this itself is preaching to a choir until we write something with full intention of reaching out to those who may, genuinely actually not know. This isn’t intended for the antis sourced in issues like character/actor hate who literally will never see the logic because they don’t want to, but for those who WANT to actually understand where this comes from. It’s long. But this is about understanding your fellow fandomites as human beings, and honestly applies to multiple fandoms.

Because the way this fandom has been trained into its narrative - and the way this culture has been geared into its narrative - the way SOCIETY has been geared into this narrative - the common reduction is, “this is just about a ship.”

And no. it isn’t. It’s so much deeper than that.Before continuing, keep those three list points in mind, whether you read them first, or as I reference them later.

So this is something written to implore every person that says, “I support the LGBT community but-”, or “I mean, I love gay people, I have gay friends, but-” or “I experimented a few times but-”, because even the latter can have internalized conditioning and not even realize what, exactly, they’re saying, or doing, because you’ve drawn a line in YOUR head where the fandom line is from canon, which is actually sometimes different from where the showrunners have even admitted that line is, and you don’t realize it or now about it. Much less the former. If you are any of these people, or if you’ve DEALT with any of these people, who see how people contend for the writing of ANY ship - in this fandom, most likely and by-and-large Destiel, but ANYWHERE - that is LGBT oriented - keep reading. Send it to them and get THEM to keep reading. Because I’m going to say something beyond “representation.”

Disclaimer: This is not about All Gay Ships Ever, this is about ships with confirmed authorial/showrunner/creator intent statements. I am in no way saying Anything Anyone Imagines Up Gayly Ever is part of this. Hell, I’m even being slightly exclusory in not including ones that are plain as day without intent statements, but that’s why I’m using this example: intent statements WITH plot/etc that STILL get resistance. But this becomes muddied to people who aren’t wired to see this engagement, in a world and fandom full of random pairings, that don’t follow author stuff.

If you’re honestly interested on understanding this phenomenon in viewership, and HONESTLY interested in understanding where this frustration comes from, I need you to do an exercise:

I want you to imagine a world where you can watch years of romantic burn going on between opposite gender characters. Every trope, every classic arc in the book. The authors go, yup, that’s exactly what we were going for there, thanks for noticing! Now imagine if whenever your male/female pairing get close, people scream it’s fanservice. If they don’t kiss, it doesn’t count, and you’re just in crazy fanfiction land seeing things that aren’t there; if you want them to be confirmed, you’re just missing the point of everything else in the show; and if they DO kiss, you’ve just ruined everything because you’ve made it all about a relationship, even if it’s just one moment and the rest goes back to normal. Where your male/female pairing is damned if they do and damned if they don’t; where they can never be with the person that clearly makes them most complete, because someone is going to make an accusation in a direction.

I need you to imagine this as your default. Every show. Now I want you to keep reading.

The reason I use Destiel, beyond obvious fandom affiliation, as my example is because of just how flagrant this is. And I understand - if you’re sitting on the other side of the fence, you may not realize just how flagrant it is. And that’s why it becomes very important for people in the LGBT+ community at times, while very upsetting in the opposite direction for others (such as the frequently used term “queerbait”, which also earns trigger-response on both sides of the fence, usually eyerolls from those who don’t get it). You’ll generally find LGBT+ people sitting at one side or the other on this discussion: Believing in endgame, or upset and saying queerbait. And there’s a reason, and if you’ve never understood... this is for you.

I need to paint a picture for you. In the links above, I covered three critical topics:

what literally defines canon/subtext/romance,

the growth of the story as per trackable history,

and literal statements from even the showrunners confirming the intended romantic tilt of certain scenes.

And people, bless them, people who really do believe they are open minded come back with statements like, “it’s stretching,” and “no reason to not make it clear if that’s what they want.” Because, as per the pages I’m going to have to expound on with how complex this issue is, they’re yet to actually grasp why it’s so damned difficult.

And then some of us get mad. And this is why “queerbait” even hangs in the balance. Endgame or queerbait. Faith in the show, or distrust in it. You’ll see in the “authorial intent” link that I even cited how major LGBT representation venues have started itself cataloguing SPN since these statements. Multiple major venues have started listing it at the top of queerbait listings - EVEN OUTSIDE THE FANDOM. This is literally becoming this franchise’s legacy in the modern world while trying to launch a confirmed LGBT-pairing-author-intentional new spinoff for a younger demographic, of which statistically less than 50% identify as straight as per a recent census. (Source) That’s half of their potential demographic this matters to on a personal level, much less how more open and aware the not-straight youngsters around them are to issues for their friends in this generation, which has grown up entirely different and more open-and-aware. (Compared to millenials 21-34 at 65% hetero, 35% scaling “other” - still 35% of our target demo too)

This is a generation behind us that performs giant school walkouts, orchestrates waterfalls of social PR and even political motions just as they’re getting their voting cards. Whether or not you agree with their opinion isn’t what’s relevant - what’s relevant is that they are literally the money making target demo for the future of this entire franchise. And “Queerbait” does not need to be the legacy of this show.

But before we even get into the freakishly dangerous fallout that is attached to this sentiment, let’s just fall back to the simple point: this started being our legacy years ago, and TPTB started making steps to repair them.

The issue is, as they make steps to repair them, the LGBT community itself runs into resistance from those who somehow think they’re allies, because they’re COMPLETELY unaware of the paradox they have built for us.

This goes for almost ANY literature, film, TV, anything. This goes ALMOST ANYWHERE. And yes, it does apply, in every corner, to Destiel as well.

“It’s just... to feed that part of the fanbase!”

Okay... cool, but... if they admitted they did it, and they’re on screen doing the thing, and recognized doing the thing, and presented the thing, then why do you treat the LGBT community (or anyone else that sees and supports it) as somehow the crazy ones for seeing the thing? Because things-that-happened-on-the-show-and-were-confirmed-by-the-author/showrunner is literally the definition of canon, so it is at least canon that there would be romantic feelings involved, it just isn’t a “canon couple,” such as one that has become an actual pair/in an active relationship. So why is it crazy to see what we are told is there? And do you understand how this makes us feel when this is said to us, when we know it has been confirmed? What is the subtext about non-hetero relations/emotions then?

“Well, no reason for them to REALLY do it if they don’t make it clear.”

Okay... so... at what point is it clear? When they say “We did a thing, and intended to do the thing,” That’s fine on a one off (Jilted Lover Castiel). But what about when other incidents come back up? A second time? (Thompson’s statement) A third? (Colette-Castiel). All confirmed. What if it goes so far they film side by side frame by frame parallels to romantic pairings shot by the same director as before, or share the same dialogue? (multiple incidents). What if these things all tie together into a complete storyline and you guys keep saying each and every time that it wasn’t CLEAR enough, no matter what the authors said? What if the showrunner himself declared intent, or penned something obvious as hell that got cut once they had to extend to a new season? And what if this all ran a long plot arc, and all of these statements tied into the same story, that interconnected like a tapestry? And what if, after being a Jilted Lover, a Fated Wife, and implied as basically canon, we even get this just before the end line:

“Okay, well that last one never happened, though. They FILMED it and chose not to use it.”

Okay, great? That... happens a lot in film. But when you have a full circle of these statements, a full... everything (read the authorial intent link), and this original ending line there - how do you expect people that are open, receptive, or even resonate with LGBT+ issues to see this show? How do you EXPECT them to interpret it? And after ALL of these author statements, how do you think they feel when you tell them an emotional story about two people who haven’t let themselves be together, or life, or directors, or whatever else - how do you think that feels? Sure. It didn’t reach that end line, but does that mean all of the other intentional undertones and previous statements and VIBE of the story didn’t exist, we’re crazy for seeing it just cuz that scene didn’t lock it in and they didn’t fall into each other’s arms? Or did they just not get their happy ending? Were all the other confirmed directions suddenly invalid?

And again, this isn’t just about Destiel. This is just the most relevant example to those within my fandom reach. This is a VERY broad issue.

These viewers have TWO options in the end: Assume queerbait, or pray for endgame and that the studio isn’t manipulating them.

We literally don’t have anything else. Once those authors have confirmed that all of these things were there, once we know that, once we see it in action, we literally don’t have another course of action. Maybe for people that are straight or willingly repressed it’s easier to go “Oh, it’s just... a joke, or fanservice.” But what... a season of fanservice? Two? Four, at this point? It’s all just four seasons of fanservice with authors that have made statements (since season 9, or since S8 about Dean’s romantic potential) knowing what they’re doing and confirming levels of intention along the way, and keep doing it...

That isn’t “fanservice.” Queerbait or endgame. These are the options.

But this conversation gets worse.

It’s “unclear” to an audience, just because it isn’t acted on; perhaps you don’t see the same chemistry we do, and that part is okay. We get it, you’re not gay so you don’t see the Gay as easy. But as long as you take every author statement, every showrunner statement and delete them; as long as you take every scene, now without those statements, and propose other interpretations; it will never be clear to you, and then you will continue to resist it to TPTB. And yes, it’s your right to interpret entertainment as you see fit, but when you go around with “keep fanon in fandom” like this shit isn’t right here, on our screens, with authors or showrunners or actors, right there, in interviews, saying yes, this is exactly what we meant it to be, and yes we intended it this way - at what point are we talking fanon anymore? Oh, the gay stuff is just fanservice regardless of the years of content. You see how people take offense to this, too.

Why? Oh, because... I don’t know, “I won’t believe it until I see a kiss or confirmation.”

AND HEREIN LIES THE TRAP AND PARADOX.

The SECOND this starts taking effect, people begin the complaints.

geez u guys just want to make it about sexKeep fanon in fandomy do u guys make everything gaystory isn’t about kissing (except random girls)it’s like you changed something in them and u shouldnt have to

This may be shocking to some people, but - Destiel as the example - Dean could still be Dean if he was acknowledged more forwardly having feelings for Cas. He could still love cars, women (yes! shocking!), beer, guns and flannel. There isn’t a rainbow quota to fulfill. Some people just don’t want the implication of a gay angel in their Good Old American Guns Beer And Flannel, but that ALONE is an INCREDIBLY harmful narrative to gay or bi men around the world, many of which are JUST LIKE DEAN IN HIS LIFESTYLE AND HOBBIES and TRAPPED in this life of WHO THEY HAVE TO BE. Did you know that in the US, on a large, private census, while more than half of gays and lesbians are “out,” barely over 1/4 of bisexuals are because of the black-and-white pressure of culture? This is reality. And this is what is constantly being sledgehammered down by this kind of narrative. Bi guy dates a chick and doesn’t want to be thought as QUEER or anything, cuz he’s still a man’s man, so he just... marries into chicks and never opens his mouth and here we are. We’re making progress. On more public social surveys (not everyone answers honestly), between 2010 and 2016, answers for Gay/Lesbian and Bisexuals doubled in respondency rate. DOUBLED. And no, people didn’t suddenly turn gay. By 2017 another survey doubled the rate again. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re sick of being shit on and treated like a joke, so if you could please maybe not.

We just want their (respective fictional handling of) romantic affiliations to be acknowledged and respected on the same level any other even-potential couple’s would be, without having to scrap our asses off to get people to nod once and go “OK cool, the author said it here, but that was fanservice.” “And this time?” “Fanservice.” “And these four times?” “Fanservice.” “And these multiple seasons?” “Fanservice, all fanservice.”

This is the definition of queerbait and whether or not you acknowledge it, you are making an accusation towards TPTB that they are knowingly extorting a demographic, perpetually, instead of perhaps - just MAYBE - taking one chance to go back now that you know what the authors or showrunners said about these moments, knowing how communities feel about these moments, and watching it over again to see, maybe, just MAYBE see with different lenses now that you know an author said “Yes we intended this.” Instead of telling The Gays to stop seeing The Gay in things the author said they made Gay, clearly it was Just A Joke - can you imagine, back with our initial example, if someone said that to you about your author-confirmed straight romantic moments?

Because this also becomes a trap for production studios. If they get stuck in the same bind. Slow build it? Well, now the gays think we’re being queerbaited, and the people who don’t want the gay think it’s all subtext/a joke/fanservice no matter how frequent or blatant or core-plot-moving. Make a move on it? Well, us gays are happy, and realize it isn’t queerbait, but the people who resisted it act like it was just So Abrupt, Poorly Done, Why Did You? After ignoring YEARS of Us, The Gays, pointing at the times the authors even admitted to it going WE AREN’T CRAZY, THEY LITERALLY SAID IT’S THERE. But now TPTB have to worry and balance the demographics when you could just Support It If They Made The Choice and be happy if people accepted the intention statements without dismissing them.

And this is why this narrative bothers us. The Gays. Or any kind of Not Straights, really. Because no matter what we do, we’re put at the disadvantage. Someone can slow-burn a plot for four years and then someone’s going to be flabbergasted at the HOPE that someone will do something with it after years of acknowledgment from a studio, rather than the ASSUMPTION of us being extorted. Because They Didn’t See It. That’s great, but not only did we see it, often we’re even told it, and that we saw what was actually there, by the people making it. But then it isn’t respected until it’s moved on, then when it’s moved on, it’s our fault for making everything about sex or kissing, and it’s rushed? But our confirmed romantic stuff doesn’t matter unless it’s kissed out or the arbitrary threshold. So gays don’t matter until they’re ruining things by kissing, in this narrative. The feelings don’t matter. The author statements don’t matter.

This is. A literal. Paradox.

It’s a freaking trap, is what it is.

The industry is getting better about it. A LOT better. But it’s STILL. EVERYWHERE. And while the INDUSTRY may be getting better, We, The Gays, keep running into this narrative wall constantly from people who think they’re being fair and reasonable and open minded and don’t even realize what they’re saying.

You literally can’t turn around on us and say “You’re just seeing gay when it isn’t there!!” in instances where we have LITERALLY HAD ADMITTED THERE WAS THE-GAY THERE AND THEY MEANT TO PUT THE-GAY THERE. Just because they didn’t kiss doesn’t mean romances aren’t valid, or have you NEVER had feelings for someone you didn’t manage to make a move on? Never? Were your feelings invalid because you never kissed? Were you incapable of feeling pain when this happened to you? Believe it or not, We, The Gays, have these same conflicts and personal struggles with our emotions in the real world too, and real relationships, and real romantic inclinations, even before talking about TV.

All we’re asking for is these things being ADDRESSED. Not even sexed. Just ADDRESSED. This isn’t even us seeing something in lighting, or camera placement, or clothing type and reading between the lines (no offense to the meta authors out there, some of you do great work), this is us literally deadass being told things like

Only to be told we need to keep our crazy fanfiction sh*t out, when... the creators... are RIGHT. THERE. [gestures emphatically at the above]

And I get it. There’s this thing called Internalized Homophobia and at one point, even I used to roll my eyes and imply the same thing. Y U Gotta Make Everything Gay? But the more aware we become as a society the more we realize we’ve been trained into this. It’s cultural. Hell, some regions don’t have any problem with it at all. Which is awesome over there. But most of us aren’t there, we’re here, stuck in this narrative, and dealing with this internal discrediting.

So we’re going to echo the starter exercise: Imagine a world where you can watch years of romantic burn going on between opposite gender characters. Every trope, every classic arc in the book. The authors go, yup, that’s exactly what we were going for there, thanks for noticing! Now imagine if whenever your male/female pairing get close, people scream it’s fanservice. If they don’t kiss, it doesn’t count, and you’re just in crazy fanfiction land, and if they DO kiss, you’ve just ruined everything because you’ve made it all about a relationship, even if it’s just one moment and the rest goes back to normal.

I need you to imagine this. I want you to watch this duo on TV for years, investing your heart and interest in them like you invest in any and every part of a story you’re dedicated to for years, this male/female pair that even the showrunner said was romantic-toned at some point, hell and highwater, every adventure, and then, when you ask about it, get some bullshit answer like “Oh well why just make them one thing, when they can be everything for everybody?” And then look over and, in this reverse world, see All The Gay Pairings getting to run around being Confirmed Gay and nobody questioning it. And geez, you stick to your guns and say, “But the showrunner literally said it was romantic! And all of these authors said they did these romantic things on purpose.” and then get slammed with “Keep your stupid straight relationships in fanfiction.” or “God can’t you just enjoy the ACTUAL show?” like it hasn’t been RIGHT. THERE. IN. THE SHOW. AS PART OF IT. And like you hadn’t seen the showrunner tell them to put it RIGHT. THERE.

Oh wow, okay, that seems pretty shitty, doesn’t it?

So let’s talk about the Bechdel and Vito Russo tests.

Okay, we’ve become aware equality is a huge issue in media. And I’m not saying all women need to be G.I. Jane. The Bechdel test is a VERY BASIC TEST for female representation. Here’s the basics

The movie must have two women in it

who talk to each other

about something besides a man.

Sounds simple AF, right? You’d be surprised how many fail, though. But then this got expanded on with options for PoC, and sexuality. The Vito Russo test via GLAAD for LGBT+ made their own.

The Vito Russo Test

Is there an identifiably LGBT character

Is the LGBT character not solely or predominantly DEFINED by their orientation or gender identity, but,

are they also tied into the plot in such a way that their removal would have significant effect?

Now I want us to take one simple idea while we’re premising about what would be ruined or changed. Riddle me this, in a very very similar but only marginally different universe to challenge:

if the community accepted Phil and Ben’s audio commentary about Dean’s sexual/romantic flexibility with all of the attached related content (pages of bi-Dean meta such as the siren interview) being allowed for public consideration and discussion without dismissal (and better TPTB action) without being shoved in the ”fanfiction” bin (Or causing protests from antis),

and IF we allowed ourselves to take the previous romantic authorial statements as identifiers instead of packing that away like it didn’t exist too

Destiel would ironically already pass this test with flying colors. Authors promote bi Dean potential, authors wrote Destiel elements, and many of these elements DRASTICALLY influenced the current of the story, and their characters are important, WITHOUT being solely and singly attached to walking around proving How Homo they are, and they are who they are, beyond where their romance may be. (The Cain parallels carried two entire seasons 9-10. The S11 profound bond attachment was a plot moving mechanic that arranged the entire finale. Dean’s S13 grief arc ran for five unmissable episodes; and we can say We Don’t See It all day, but when it all comes from the people with those statements up there, just because you don’t, doesn’t mean we’re wrong FOR seeing it, since IT IS LITERALLY SAID TO BE THERE.)

Literally all we need is for them to be identifiably connected LGBT, and for those of us who already take these statements seriously, they ALREADY ARE, because of author statements. However, the perpetual erasure of this, and battle from viewers that resist it to TPTB, or minimalize fans who see it as “less than”, is what would ironically keep this from passing a Vito Russo test, because they keep it reigned in JUST ENOUGH to not cause a blowout. And guess what? That’s where that menacing queerbait issue creeps back up again.

So we swing back around to our paradox. Really 99% of the Destiel community doesn’t want much more than literally them being recognized as the romantic pairing they’ve literally intentionally led us to see, as per all of the above statements from creator capacities (and this is literally just a small pinch of my bag of receipts). We don’t want sex scenes, hell, we don’t even demand a kiss most of the time. We just want to be seen as equals. We just want people to stop treating BLATANT LEAD ONS that compel entire plot arcs of a show like it’s a joke - because being gay isn’t a joke, it isn’t a punch line, and if you’re saying it’s literally all to “pander” to that viewership, if you don’t do anything with it, it isn’t pandering. It’s heartbreaking, and not just “because Destiel” or “because ship,” but because this is a cultural issue we deal with all over, in and out of media, even in the real world, with similar assumptions about us, or our behaviors, or our relationships from people on the street, or even family. So we go to watch media, and what, get pulled over coals, and berated for seeing what they literally told us was there, but If It Happens We Ruin It.

I want you to imagine a world where every straight pairing (or even potential-pairing) on TV that had this kind of investment had that kind of reaction. Hell, if a straight guy and a straight girl on TV run blatant romantic tension and plot arcs that jive up entire seasons of storyline, but they never go to bed together - does anyone ever say people were crazy-weird-fandom for seeing it, even WITHOUT an author saying “Yeah we meant that”? Fucking no, they don’t. And that’s where the problem kicks in.

So the next time you see Destiel people (or any ship for any story with strong authorial intent statements and major contingent plot arcs; this does not necessarily stand for weird crossfandom crackships or whatever) who are “annoying” because they “want/think their ship will be canon,” You might want to change your point of view. Because generally, those people who think it might be endgame, they’re giving TPTB the benefit of the doubt while you unwittingly accuse them.

They’re going “Maybe they’re not just leading me on, maybe all of these plot things are going somewhere, maybe my sexuality isn’t a joke to them, maybe I’m not just a number they’re manipulating, maybe we matter to them” and that, my friends, is a hell of a lot bigger, and more important, than “just about a ship.” This isn’t me grabbing two characters that have barely met that would be sexy together and going “oh man this would be awesome!” and drawing sexy fanart. This is wanting my emotional investment to go somewhere after they acknowledge pulling on it on purpose. And I think you’d want the same.

And holding out that belief, especially with Wayward on the horizon as an LGBT+ prone spinoff with confirmed intent (Claire/Kaia) for a heavily queer generation, is a HELL of a lot more respectful to this show than just assuming it’s queerbait. This is those people that “annoy” you giving it the benefit of the doubt.

Because generally, people who dismiss these comments, time and again, as jokes/pandering, don’t realize that they’re actually accusing TPTB of something pretty fucking heinous. And I choose not to believe they’re being heinous. And you shouldn’t consider me less of a fan for not assuming they’re being heinous. To you, it looks like pandering. But the community has been pretty obvious about what they want. And queerbait isn’t it. Never has been.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: If this isn’t the direction they intend to go, before launching the LGBT-target-demo spinoff, they should be dialing it down instead of ramping it up. Changes in administration etc, changes in vision, it happens. Does that sound like someone who Just Wants To Make It Gay, or someone that has reasonable expectations and a few feet on the ground in reality and what impact this can have on the franchise? But no, they’re once again cranking up the plot level volume of it. So yeah. Yeah, I’m hoping it’s Endgame. Yeah, considering the previous intent statements and All The Story, yeah... I think it makes sense. No, I don’t think it’s fanservice. It’s where the narrative should freaking lead at this point.

So the next time you consider dismissing a statement made by a showrunner, the next time you roll your eyes at someone who thinks their “ship” has a shot at endgame, maybe look back and wonder what installs that instinct in you - what you’re actually saying between the subconscious lines - what the implications even are in this trained thought process that at times even hits Us, The Gays, and is part of the struggle we had in our generation even living as ourselves without being embarrassed of ourselves.

Maybe take it as less than audacious, and more by way of being generous and wanting to have faith in it.

Will it be canon? Will it be queerbait? We don’t know until the fat lady sings. But hell, if it goes canon, maybe consider why, and maybe consider all those statements We, The Gays pointed you to before, for years, might have had merit too. Maybe it always meant to go somewhere. Maybe TPTB weren’t manipulating us.

The ironic thing is, in the end, I won’t be heartbroken necessarily by Destiel not going canon. It’s less about Destiel specifically. It’s less about Dean and Cas, as much as I love them, and their romance, specifically. It’s less about this fiction show specifically. It’s more about this cultural pandemic. What angers and frustrates me more than anything is seeing SO MANY PEOPLE that think they’re open minded spilling out these paradox points and unwitting accusations, and damaging statements that minimize entire HUGE groups of people.

You ever wondered why? That’s why.

Queerbait or Endgame.

I refuse to assume TPTB are being malign. Regardless of what anyone wants to unwittingly accuse them of.

So yeah. I’m going to hold out for Destiel to be Endgame. And that they aren’t manipulating an entire demographic, and that they aren’t about to blow their own foot off for the spinoff series.

You don’t have to have faith, you don’t even have to ship it, but if you could please stop degrading these things, and us, to our faces (OR behind our backs, BOTH are shitty); or treating us like stains on the fandom for... I don’t know, considering ourselves human, our relationships equal, and statements about us or our relations not a joke; that would be great. Cuz my other option is calling queerbait. And if that’s what it is, I’d hope, deep down, that bothers you, too.

And if I reached even just... one, or two people with this megalithic exposition and made them change their opinion of people who think like this, then my work is done.

#supernatural #spn #queerbait #endgame #mine

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